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surrealsunday · 1 year

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Jaime, happy new year 🥂✨

I’ve finally read Chapter 7 last night ‘cause yesterday finally marked the end of this stressful seasonal time hence from tomorrow I can finally catch some breathe and have some time to properly write down my thoughts of the last chapters, but I couldn’t wait any longer to ask you some questions and share some of my thoughts about this crucial chapter, bear with me 😮‍💨

I thought I was more than ready for the angst -oh silly silly me 🫠- because I’ve unfortunately stumbled upon few spoilers on my twitter timeline and also watched the movie plenty of times but of course you being you -and please, take it as a compliment- I should’ve known better and kinda expected that you would have taken a light romcom and found a way to make it x1000 darker and angstier 🚶🏼🚂🫠📈

(this is how I picture you writing the chapter:)

And everyone prepared me for the last line which yeah, was hurtful-

{and perfect, given the context; will it gonna set the ground for the iconic Kat Stratford quote “but mostly, I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all”? we’ll see.}

-but no one prepared me for the sight of one Lucas Lallemant, small and from afar, hand pressed on a tree and hunched over. That was the worst, it hurt as hell. That was the breaking point for me. Nothing could ever prepare me to that. My baby, my precious darling boy couldn’t literally stand straight, so devastated from pain he was. It truly was a crushing sight. (And the force of that vision once again struck me in awe for how much talented you are in writing, the way you can always make us vividly picture a scene as if we’re in it; I don’t know how you can do it, but please never stop).

tbh if I may say, it is kinda hard not to hate Eliott a little bit if we see it from Lucas’s perspective given that their relationship was far more intimate, complicated and deeper than the one portrayed by Kat and Patrick in the movie, not to mention the weight of the emotional baggage/traumas each of them carries here unlike the OGs, and how much it can easily fill one up with hatred in the aftermath of sharing something that makes your soul feel unbearably, almost violently naked only to be repaid like that; you feel nauseous, you feel furious, you feel pain. most of all you feel shame. for letting yourself be a fool vulnerable, for the things you have said or done, for the way he lead you on, for both a public and private humiliation and well, all that’s a powerful fuel for being vicious. so yeah, I guess all this nonsense rant is just to say: Lucas, darling, you’re allowed to hate him a bit right now. you did absolutely nothing wrong. Or maybe I’m overprojecting and there’s not an ounce in that boy capable of hating Eliott, not even close not even a little bit.. it’s just- for fuck’s sake, it was his first party. his first party after years, and this time he willingly wanted to be there. he said ‘fuck that. i’m doing it. i want to be just a regular guy enjoying a party with my friends. i wanna give eliott this, i wanna give myself this. and what’s the worst that could happen? it already happened. it will be alright. eliott’s gonna be there this time. i feel safe with him” and then we failed him. we absolutely spectacularly failed him. we didn’t protect him. eliott didn’t protect him. I’m not saying he telling him gently the truth in the safety of his room, where nothing else exists but them and time and space are just concepts would have sweeten the pill: lucas would have probably left the apartment upset anyway but things would have been thousands of times better if he had the chance to find out from eliott, alone together, in a quiet surrounding, not from charles fuckin munier, shout like that (“frigid fag”, my heart was bleeding 💔) in front of everyone. listen, I do kinda understand why Eliott was so utterly terrified of doing anything that could make him lose Lucas, okay? he’s a mess and we love him anyway but I don’t think I will have it in me to ever forgive him for letting Lucas go to the party in the first place when not only he knew charles would have been there, but most importantly now knowing the reason behind lucas’ decision of never going to a party ever again. goddamn it, it was all there. the tension in his tiny body in front of the house before going inside, his smile, so candid and sweet, so brave and trusting on the doorway.. it literally felt like watching an innocent lamb going inside the slaughterhouse and can’t do anything to save it (which i’m pretty sure it’s a clear visual you gave us on purpose to hurt us even more at that point 😭). He should’ve known how big step, how important it was that moment for lucas to be there, in a party again, and how fundamental it was for him to have a good memory of it. instead, we scarred him again, for good. to find out the truth in that horrible, humiliating brutal way.. it was just too much. you did warn us to be fair, but I couldn’t ever imagine it would be like that. 1/2

Ok I'm gonna put the second part of your ask below a 'read more'. I was going to answer each individually but I want to be able to go through your comments as a whole because I jump around a bit and I want to give all your thoughts their due (this is epic btw and I bow down to you and your brain).

2/2 In the movie, Kat’s reaction at the party is mostly rage and fury ‘cause that’s how she cope in the first place with pain. she looks like she’s capable of unleashing hell on earth and the only reason she’s not it’s only because you’re unworthy of the her time.

Here, Lucas’ reaction is just heartbreaking. He can’t stand on his feet. He can’t even speak, spit a quick snarling remark to Eliott’s face when the truth comes out as Kat did to Patrick (“nothing in it for you, huhn”) before marching away. It pained so much to know that he thinks his deepest fears and doubts have just been confirmed (there’s something to be said about the loose thread that connect the facade of confidence he shows with that “you’re kinda easy for me, huhn?” thrown with almost rhetorical nonchalance to mask his insecurities; he wanted it to be true so bad, he doesn’t understand why or how he landed a guy like Eliott but he’s starting to believe this is the real deal; only to have the world drops out underneath him just half an hour later, and have to admit “this whole time, I thought it was weird that you liked me” as in testimony that he never let himself truly believe someone like Eliott could ever be possibly into someone like him, and that hurts a lot; my beautiful boy can’t see his own worth, his own breathtaking beauty inside and out. On this note, I still wanna punch that bartender in Tempo who cruelly commented “well, no offense but you two look mismatched” and later on Lucas self consciously half jokes with his mom “I guess you can tell we’re quite mismatched” like LUCAS BABY NO 🐥🔪🔪🔪). that moments so intimate and special he shared with Eliott were only for money and sick jokes with his worst enemy (“did he pay you to fuck me? a fifty if I sucked you off, cool hundred if I let you put it in me?” was such a cherry on top for the part of me thriving in angst, but at the same time: sTOP IT, I’M ALREADY ON MY KNEES 💔💔). Unlike Kat, rage and anger have soon been swallowed by gut-wrenching pain here, and the mix has quickly turned into a stone cold blank slate as if the last shred of him’s died, and blood is all over Eliott’s bare hands. (“Lucas smiles. There’s no humour or happiness in it. He looks nothing like himself. “I want to know what I’m worth.” The words slice into Eliott, jagged and sharp. This is what he has done – what he has made Lucas feel.”)

I truly don’t know how they’re gonna fix this. I naïvely thought it wouldn’t be that bad when we first started this journey (again: silly silly me), but it was before knowing the history between lucas and charles. that background story made it 100x worse. and when eliott thought “he’s a part of that. He allowed himself to become part of that.” you just wanna hug him so tight ‘cause in the end he’s as much as hurt by his own actions as lucas but oh eli darling, you didn’t know, you couldn’t possibly know when you first got involved 💔 but band aids don’t fix bullet holes, how can you recover from something so wrong? how can you fix something so twisted? I’m not a huge fan of Friends but it came to my mind that sequence of Rachel and Ross after she found out he slept with another girl during their break/not a break and he’s literally on his knees, begging for her forgiveness and she simply said “I can’t. you’re a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never ever hurt me, and now I can’t stop picturing you with her. It changes everything.” I’m not saying Lucas thinks Eliott will never ever hurt him, that’s something no one can promise you, and the stake is higher whenever you let someone closer, something my boy had to learn the hard way all his life, but he certainly thought he knew Eliott enough to trust the boy won’t hurt him purposely or out of wickedness; ‘cause he has built this idea of Eliott in his mind of a genuinely good guy, the kind of guy who’s more upset someone thinks him capable of hurting an animal rather than being concerned of worse rumors involving his persona (“Lucas is doing that staring thing again, his expression unreadable. It doesn’t feel like a bad thing. It feels a little like he’s found something fascinating in Eliott and wants to take his time sorting it out”), the kind of guy who does something ridiculously sweet like pressing a tender kiss on the back of your hand in a public place (bastien’s shop) and reach for it to cup on his chest in his sleep (and in reality all those little things are quintessentially Eliott, the true Eliott, we know it) and now everything has crumbled down, and the merciless light of reality has highlighted that truth is: he doesn’t know Eliott at all. That Eliott is more than capable of hurting him, he’s capable of hiding things and twisting truths and taking him apart for money and- god it must be horrible to be inside Lucas’ mind right now. It’s like swearing to your significant other that you will stay with them no matter what, only to find out the worst thing they ever did, they did it to you. So yeah, guess you weren’t kidding when you said “things are gonna get messy and the train will derail indeed” 🫠

I’m looking forward to see what Lucas’s next step will be; throughout the chapters, he never failed to surprise me, totally unpredictable and unique, so it will be very interesting to see what he got in store for us (somehow I have the feeling it will be something different from a self-written poem read in public, first of all ‘cause my boy is a smartass genius but not a writer 🤭).

also: I applaud Daphne’s great gesture of punching and kicking Charles -you go girl ❤️‍🔥- but I’m gonna turn and toss in the tomb if I don’t see Lucas’s getting the last word or a revenge with Charles (Lucas’ Reputation Era WHEN 🐍🐍🐍🤭).

I knew that scene would have come, I just didn’t know by which hand; not gonna lie, I caressed the idea of 10Things!Eliott and Tempo!Eliott 🤝🏻 punching whoever traumatized Lucas’s first BJ experience 🤭

I’m more than curious to hear about your opinion at this point of the storyline and I’m practically dying to know the behind-of-the-scene details because it will never cease to fascinate me your writing process and your line of thought: were you frustrated with some of the characters and their actions at some point? Has it been challenging to write scenes like that, do compromises to make it follow a precise timeline given that this time you had to follow a predetermined script ecc

None of your other versions of Elu had ever been through such a horrible messy betrayal as this one; how did that make you feel as an Elu stan and/or as an author? Can you picture it as something one of your versions of Eliott and Lucas (I don’t mean the ones we’ve already met, I mean hypothetical ones that could be born by your hand) would be capable of do eventually (betraying Lucas’s trust)?

So how did “10 Things” was born exactly? What put this specific idea in your mind -The Chosen One- and consequently translated into action? Do you have any other Elu ideas/drafts we don’t know anything about?

Was there anything you would’ve liked to change and/or point out of the OG script? I’ve found insightful the way you pointed out at the very beginning how shitty was for Arthur and Bas as “friends” to act like that behind Lucas’ back -and essentially at his expense-, although I’ve forgiven Bas the very moment Eliott make him notice it, and it was clear Bas never actually thought what kind of friend the deal made him look like and was starting to feel bad (Bas is a baby, you can’t stay mad at a baby 😭); color me naïve or shallow but I admit although I watched it countless times, I’ve never given a lot of thoughts about how ethically moral was the deal from that point of view lol but uhm at least Cameron and Michael weren’t Kat’s friends in the movie.

How did you pick the topic between Lucas and Charles, where did it come from? (if we’re speaking about that, I’m quite curious about Lucas and Doctor Moreau as well; how do you pick Lucas’ different personal trauma? do they come later in the process or are they part of the initial process of building up a specific AU?)

You said once that long stories drain the hell out of you as a writer, did that happen with 10 Things in its own way? How much do you think you have invested, given but also gained, grown as a writer from this experience?

(I wish I could formulate the questions better but I’m literally falling asleep and I’ve already sent the part 1 of this post hours earlier; absolutely hate I had to break the comment in two but apparently I’ve reached the max of words for tumblr, and ao3 doesn’t have the gif/pics section nor the highlight text option, which as you can tell, I’m already obsessed 🤭

Wish you a good night, and please take your time to respond to my questions, there’s absolutely no rush, I know how hectic life can be rn 🧡

Ok, let's dive in!

So first of all, I have to say that your thoughts are so well-put and so insightful and it just really makes me hope you'll enjoy the resolution in the fic. I have major imposter syndrome and I know this so most of the time when I feel all my writing is crap, I am able to ignore my brain, but having such intelligent readers makes me just sooooo want to provide the kind of story you guys deserve! I hope I have!

I'm sorry you stumbled onto spoilers but I guess at least it's 10 Things so you probably knew the general gist of what was coming? I hope so! But it's true... I did ratchet things up just a wee bit 😬. That was actually why I chose to do this AU. I loved the movie and the story, but it was really because my first thought was 'I could make that hurt more' lasdkjfaldsfj. This is my brain 😌.

PLEASE THOSE MEMES! The way I screamed and then immediately sent them to my friend aldskjfaldjflaj. I love you. I was laughing so hard when I saw those omg. I am literally saving those in my phone to go back to when I need a good laugh 😂.

Ok but I LOVE love love that it was that visual of Lucas hunched over that really got you. ME TOO! I'm a super visual person so when I write it's usually scenes playing out in my head and me scrambling to keep up and find a way to actually describe those scenes in words. So I had that exact image of Lucas in my head and it was heartbreaking. I'm glad it had impact for you too.

And yes, I do understand what you mean about Eliott. Like, yes, you have his pov and you know his thought process and that he cares deeply for Lucas and didn't want to hurt him but... he DID. And he hurt him incredibly badly when Lucas had already gone through so much trauma. I could not say it better than you did. You described what Lucas was going through really beautifully there. Lucas is absolutely allowed to hate Eliott right now and honestly that's probably the most healthy reaction. He's dealing with heartbreak too of course but he has every reason to be angry.

I do agree that no matter how Eliott told Lucas it would have been awful, but there was something extra terrible about the context within which Lucas found out. As you said - the public humiliation, the fact that Lucas was taking such a leap of faith in going to that party... just... all of it. That absolutely made the situation and the pain exponentially worse.

Ok the 'innocent lamb going to slaughterhouse' made me aldjflasdkfj. But yeah... I won't deny that I absolutely set it all up for the maximum amount of destruction. The consequences just had to be HUGE for as terribly as Lucas had been betrayed and because things between Eliott and Lucas had progressed as far as they did.

The funny thing about you saying you didn't imagine it would be that bad is that I literally am the worst fucking judge of the angst I write. I thought it was pretty rough but had no real sense of how it would impact the reader (relative to things I've already written). And then a friend was screaming at me over text and I got some idea 😂😂😂.

And yes, in the movie Kat's reaction and the resolution suits the lighter tone in general. She's angry of course and she did have deep feelings for Patrick, but I absolutely dialed it up for Elu. That is what I was most interested in doing. When I was musing over writing this one of my very first thoughts is how much more complicated things would be if they were older and sex/ deeper emotions were involved. And you're right, in the movie it's more about Kat's rage. Her pain is there but it's not at the core of her reaction. Lucas's pain is much more present. And in the movie the resolution is obviously pretty easy come by as well (not a criticism... I love it!). But obviously here I knew the story would have to go differently, even as I drew on some inspo from the OG.

You are EXACTLY right in how Lucas uses 'you're kind of easy for me' and similar phrases. They are totally reflections of his insecurity - needing to have that confirmed over and over again because he doesn't quite believe it. That'll come back again, as will Eliott's understanding of it.

Also you referencing Tempo was so interesting! I never thought of that! Tbh, I think what inspired that in Tempo (and in general any story where I've made illusions to Lucas thinking Eliott is out of his league) is Axel's comments about Maxence. And Axel is a babe and obviously knows it. And yet still he looked at Maxence and was struck by instant insecurity. I find that blend of confidence and self-doubt so interesting, and I really think he embodied that in Lucas. So I do tend to bring it to my fics (some of them at least, Hollow Edge Lucas was a different story 😂).

It's true that I've written Eliott into a pretty challenging situation. I think how I looked at it when I was writing is that the two of them WANT to love one another. They don't want this shit to be happening. That's not to say it was out of Eliott's control, but that both of them actually have the same goal. It's just that all this shit has made it very unclear that that is the case. So I have to give them a chance to move forward. Not necessarily fix it perfectly, but give them a chance to want to move forward together. And even then, you'll see some references at the end to the fact that Lucas's fear doesn't just go *poof*. They aren't instantly perfect. They just need to know that they want the same thing and that they love one another the same way.

It's interesting you said Lucas has suprised you! That makes me really excited to hear what you'll think of where things go. Lucas in this puts on a brave face and he's all about the snark and push back but he's incredibly vulnerable. He let himself be fully vulnerable with Eliott. And as much as he might like, his walls will not go right back up. Those take time to rebuild after this kind of destruction. So in that way... Eliott has a narrow opportunity of a chance. And he just has to make that work.

Ok I want to write a totally different post for your questions about the writing process and development of 10 Things. I found all of those questions so interesting and I want to properly mull them over and then give them their due. Thank you so much for asking! I will write a response to you tomorrow. I definitely have lots to say on how this all came about and my thoughts along the way (tho prepare for chaos because that's basically what my writing process is aldkjflajf).

For now I'm gonna get the next chapter posted and I truly hope you will like it!!! And thank you so much again for all of your insights. I can't tell you what this sort of feedback means to me ❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️

#10 things fic #I haven't edited this reply so my apologies for any major grammatical errors #the brain is already shutting down for the night #I'll review tomorrow #but for now I hope I made sense!!!#memes

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umniamusic · 1 month

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The unobstructed genius of Emma Seligman

I heard echoes of Shiva Baby when it was released — I was too occupied with irrelevant things to realize the disturbance in the force. I encountered the future stars of Bottoms, in Rachel Sennott (Bodies Bodies Bodies) and Ayo Edibiri (The Bear) out in the wild, and slowly, word got around that there was a gay ass movie about a fight club coming from the woman who made Shiva Baby.

This woman, this woman — who was she? Slowly, the trailers seeped in, and the reviews drifted from across the pond. This was about to be all my circle of the internet could talk about for months, clearly. It was star-making, it was a sleeper hit, it was from the woman who made “Shiva Baby”.

Emma Seligman. Hero of our time.

I wish I could tell you my experience was pure — that my first interaction with this woman was through her work, through watching Bottoms, and having an epiphany about cinema (which did eventually happen).

Unfortunately, it was much, much, thirstier than that.

As Bottoms rolled out in the US, there were interviews and photoshoots with both the cast and the Director, and I’m sorry, that was my first interaction, via Ayo Edibiri’s Instagram — fawning over pictures of this gorgeous woman who was apparently making these amazing, intelligent films, and I was a heathen for once again being so. fucking. late.

So, Shiva Baby gets a matinee screening at the PCC. I run to the cinema.

What ensues is, with no exaggeration, some of the most life-affirming filmmaking I’ve ever been witness to.

Addicted, and beyond elated that it’s getting a UK release, once I return to the UK from LA, I rush to the cinema to watch Bottoms.

Again, I lose my mind. Every element, from the performances to the visual language, the color, and the jokes, the innate understanding of both our generation’s aspirations, and our actual reality, as portrayed through hightened reality? Life-affirming.

I felt real, for once. I didn’t feel I had to be anyone else, for once, after leaving the cinema. Like, I walked out feeling like (and, I could cry about it) — I had just been legitimized. Which sounds insane, because anyone who ever feels that way about Cinema is often so used to it, they don’t even know what that feeling is, or that they’re feeling it.

Legitimized - not “empowered”, as in overcoming a struggle. Not “represented”, as in a visual representation. No. Legitimized. As in, I am me, as I am, and I am normal, the way I think is normal, and even if it isn’t, it’s shared, it’s allowed, and I’m cool, and my world is a world worth living in.

Who the fuck is even doing this right now except ✨her?

When I say unobstructed genius, I mean that she has not been stopped, she will not be stopped, and we must make every effort to ensure the path stays clear so she is never stopped. It heartens me to know I can finally watch films from people in my generation, on the big screen, that actually represent us — enough handing the pen and camera to 40 or 50-year-olds, to guess about us, to hold contempt for us, to misunderstand us, make us the butt of the joke, or try to preach to us about how cancel culture is bad actually and you Gen Z’s have no clue about the real world.

Enough giving the funding to the Zillenial dudebro who’s been stuck behind his camera since he was 10, and frequents the Incel forums, and thinks guns are thematically resonant bc dicks, and wants to be Spielberg (be yourself! Spielberg was!) — I can finally sit back, relax, and be represented, for once in my tiring, wearying life, and know that this woman is out there, making movies with icons, being a storyteller with purpose and levity, making things I can sink into like a warm bath and switch my fucking brain off for ONCE.

reigning champion, give her all the things.

I think this is the feeling of truly being entertained.

Give her every resource, every support, and every freedom you can. Emma Seligman is here to save ✨Cinema, and in the process, save me.

Stay safe, keep ya mask on, Free Palestine,

UMNIA

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mi4011manuelasanchezmartinez · 9 months

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A brief discussion on Yuri's Norstein's films that i will be using in my animatic.

'The Heron and the Crane' (1974)

This short film is based on a folk tale about the unlucky never-ending courtship of a male crane and a female heron. This is directed by Yuri and was produced by the Soyuzmultfilm studio. It is his second film that he directed by himself; his first is the 'Fox and Hare' 1973. I decided to choose this film to start off with because i really enjoyed watching it, it is considered a visual and technical marvel and a positive start to Yuri's career as an animator and director. Many people praised this film because compared to the other films that were released by Soyuzmultfilm, it was one of the most impressive.

'Hedgehog in the Fog' (1975)

This short film is regarded as one of the best films ever made and uses an original script. Hedgehog is on a journey to visit his friend Bear-Cub, however, an owl begins to stalk him. When walking through the woods Hedgehog sees different animals but a thick fog is all around and so he cant be sure what is real or not. At the end he manages to reach Bear-Cub but Hedgehog is clearly changed by the encounters in the fog. The fog effects were created by putting tracing paper on top of the scene and slowly lifting it to the camera until everything behind it becomes blurry and white. I chose this film for many reasons, it's a massive turning point for Yuri and his career. Additionally, it was what intrigued me in the first place, I remember seeing the hedgehog and i loved the style.

Soviet-era children's animation was faced with the task of producing politically acceptable content. Anthropologist Serguei Oushakine recognizes this stating: "The main thing is the work of imagination, or more precisely, the terror and pleasure with which it is linked. The final scene of pleasure, to which these various phantasmal and/or realistic experiences should indeed have led, is not included in the plot." This is evident through the hedgehog's anxiety and fixation on the horse, even after he succeeds in meeting the bear for tea.

'Tales of Tales' (1979)

This is Yuri's Magnum Opus. Tales of Tales is an original tale that is heavily inspired by Yuri and Francheska's own upbringing in the soviet union. This not a narrative based movie and instead is aims to structure itself like a human memory. One of the main themes in this film is war and the losses the Soviet Union suffered on the Eastern front during World War 2. There are multiple characters in this film but the one i want to focus on is the little grey wolf.

In the film, we see the world through the scared little gray wolf, who acts as a guide through the story. At first you see different memories of everyday people doing ordinary things, like a woman doing laundry. But it is meant to show that despite attempts to bring life back to normalcy the pain and destruction of World War 2 never goes away. W also have a scene of women and their husbands dancing, when the next scene the women are all alone. This is meant to signify the men that would leave for the war and unfortunately never make it back.

An important musical inspiration is the following traditional Russian lullaby, which is included in the film in both instrumental and vocal form; “Baby baby rock-a-bye/On the edge you mustn’t lie/Or the little gray wolf will come/And will nip you on the tum/Tug you off into the wood/Underneath the willow-root.”

'The Overcoat' (started 1981)

This is Yuri and Francheska's current animated film that after 42 years has yet to be completed. It is based on a short story with the same name by Nikolai Vasilyevich Gogol 1842. Unlike his other films, 'The Overcoat' will be the length of a feature film. To Yuri 'The Overcoat' is considered to be as important a work of literature as one of the chapters of the Bible. In 2004, around 25 minutes of the film was completed, which is 23 years since production began. In 1986, Yuri and Francheska were fired from Soyuzmultfilm studio. This is due to Yuri only completing 10 minutes of the film in the last 5 years. Luckily, there have been many supporters who help with the funding including, the Savings Bank of America.

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silv3rswirls · 3 years

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Comforting their s/o when they cry (Ateez)

Note: Some of the members came out short than others based on the scenarios I picked for them

Tike taken: about 30 minutes/unedited

♡Seonghwa♡

Crying over an argument

You and Seonghwa were busy people. You worked part-time and went to school, while Seonghwa could often get caught up with KQ and Ateez. So, spending time together could be hard to find at times. But you made it work, mainly by trying to plan things the best you could around Seonghwa’s schedules. Most of the time it worked out, but lately, it hasn't. You just couldn’t cancel and reschedule all the important events coming up and unfortunately, your dates with Seonghwa had suffered.

That’s why both of you were standing around in the dorm bickering at the moment. Seonghwa wanted to go out with you tomorrow afternoon, but you were swamped. “Can’t you reschedule it?” He asked again, “I want to take you out.”

“I can’t” you pressed, “I really can’t miss this, I’m sorry.”

“But you keep saying that, we haven’t spent time together in weeks.” He frowned, frustration building in his voice. “Can’t you cancel? Do you just not want to spend time with him?”

“I always cancel!” You snapped, “I always reschedule so we can be together, so don’t say I don’t want to spend time with you!”

A thick silence fell between the two of you and you hadn’t even noticed your tears until Seonghwa came to brush them away. “I try really hard to accommodate you, and I don’t mind, but sometimes I just can’t, okay?”

Seonghwa wore a guilty expression as he took in your glassy eyes and stressed demeanor. “I’m sorry...do you really plan everything around me?”

You nodded, “I want nothing more than to go out with you all the time, but sometimes things are just too much, okay? I’m sorry I can’t go tomorrow-”

He hushed you, “don’t apologize, I shouldn’t be so persistent in your rescheduling.” He rubbed comforting circles on your hand as he held it, “just forget about tomorrow, let’s just enjoy the time we have together right now.”

♡Hongjoong♡

He's late for a date

Seeing you slowly descend into tears as he tried to explain why he was late hurt. He hadn’t meant to get caught up at work, but he had and your evening date had momentarily slipped his mind. Hence why he was nearly thirty minutes late. He had found you, bored on your phone as you kept up the waiting. He had swopped in with apologies and excuses, but hearing them only made you sadder than you already were. It wasn’t the first time he had forgotten, in fact, you almost expected it. It didn’t make things sting any less, so as you listened to him explain how he had gotten so caught up in work you felt the sting of tears building in your eyes, unable to hold them in as you choked back a sob.

“Don’t cry!” Hongjoong had pressed himself closer to you. It truly took him off guard, seeing as you were also so understanding of these kinds of things. “Don’t cry, I’m sorry.” It tore him up to see you crying because of him, but his heart broke when he heard you mutter than it was to be expected of him as you tried to wiggle free. His hold on you grew lax as he looked back on all the times he had done this. With a pang of guilt in his chest, he realized that he had come to expect you to accept his apologies and excuses, accidentally taking advantage of your usual kind and supportive energy.

He waits until the two of you are outside, following you to your car. “Just go home, I don’t feel like doing anything anymore.” You sniffled, fishing your keys from your bag.

He nodded but went in for another hug, wrapping his arms tight around your body and pressing his face into your shoulder. “I’ll do better” he mutters, “I promise, I’m so sorry for tonight.” Tentatively he rubs away whatever tears are left in your eyes and kisses your forehead, “text me when you get home, okay?”

You nod with a small smile, sharing one more hug before heading off.

♡Yunho♡

Crying of frustration

Yunho immediately brought you in for a hug when he noticed your frustration spilling into tears. You had been working on your schoolwork the past few hours, studying and preparing for your exams while he watched a movie beside you. You had been turning your mind over and over trying to understand the material in front of you, but every time you tried to work it out you found yourself either wrong or too lost to keep going. Frustration set in early as you tried to keep going, but as you did so your eyes clouded with tears and they escaped right as Yunho came back with a snack for the of you.

“Awe, baby don’t cry” he cooed, arms tight around you as he pulled you away from your work. He could understand being so overwhelmed and frustrated, but seeing your break down into tears over it tugged his heartstrings harder. “It’s okay, just take a break.” He squeezes you tight, almost like he was trying to squeeze your frustration away. He made you take a long break, have some water, and a snack to relax. In the end, he sat by your side and helped you through it, a bit lost as well but eager to help you. He keeps his arm around you the whole time.

♡Yeosang♡

A pet passes away

Yeosang had no idea what to do when you tearfully explained how your beloved family pet had passed away the previous day. You had come to him with teary eyes but as you explained the situation further you broke down to full sobs. His eyes grew wide as you broke down, understandably so. “I’m sorry” he spoke softly, taking your hand gently and guiding you to sit down. Losing a pet could be so painful, he just wanted to take all your pain away.

He knew he couldn’t just make it disappear, so he let you get it all out on his shoulder. Rubbing your back and handing you tissues. Yeosang wants to be there for you all he can, despite being a little jumbled and awkward with his actions at times. He makes sure you cuddle up close with him, petting through your hair and reminding you of all the good memories with your pet. He wants you to smile back on all the good things.

♡San♡

Watching a sad movie

With a storm raining outside, you and San had chosen to settle down for the evening with a movie. Cuddled under a blanket with snacks and light conversations as the movie San picked at random ran through its time. You had liked the movie at first, a kind of coming-of-age film as it slowly went through the main character’s life with her friends and family.

It was towards the end where you found your face heating up with tears. The main character was reminiscing in her old age of her youth and all the people that impacted her life, focusing heavily on one of her childhood friends that she had a falling out with. They had never spoken again, going separate ways in life seemingly not missing the other. It ripped at your heartstrings a bit too personally as you were only reminded of an old friend you had drifted from. As the credits rolled and you sat with old memories you could feel your shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

“Baby?” San was caught off guard to find you crying. You explained how close to home it had hit you, and San scrambled to change it to something happier to take your mind off of it. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have picked a sad one.” He frowned, holding on to your tightly. Even long after your tears stopped he keeps you in his arms, cuddling and talking sweetly with you for the rest of the night.

♡Mingi♡

Overwhelmed

Mingi’s go-to had been to scoop you up in a bear hug. He knew with just how hard you had begun to break down that it wasn’t just over breaking a glass. He listened to you desperately try to explain how it was so much more than the glass, how hard you had been trying to hold everything in the past month or so. He clings to you for the rest of the day, encouraging you to let everything out and cry as long and hard as you need to. He’ll be there for you through it all.

“Come to me whenever you need.” He assures you that it’s okay, he wants to hear about all your worries and frustrations. The both of you lay down, cuddling as you recount how emotionally blocked you had been. Talking away all the big worries on your mind as Mingi listened to every word. He keeps his arms tight around you.

♡Wooyoung♡

Not knowing why

Wooyoung had come home excited to see you after a long day. He had many things stored away to tell you about, questions about your day, about your next date, anything that had come to mind during the day. Eagerly he found you in bed, the big smile on his face slowly fading as he noticed your quiet crying. He tones his energy down and sits beside you. Carefully he runs a hand over your back, catching your attention as you turn over to face him. “What happened?”

You shake your head, “I don’t know...I just needed to cry I guess.” You seem upset, unable to figure out exactly why or what you were crying over. Seeing your boyfriend’s brow knit in confusion and a small pout taking his lips only made you cry more. You had buried your face into his thigh, but Wooyoung wasted no time crawling under the covers with you. “It’s okay” he soothes, an arm around your waist as the other rubs away your tears, poking and pinching at your cheek in an attempt to get you to smile. “Sometimes we just need to cry, it’s okay.”

♡Jungho♡

Stress

“Everything’s fine, I’m here.”

Jongho had been with you when you began to break down. He was sitting on the sofa of your place as you pace around, on the phone with work as major changes were taking place. Watching you frantically scribble down dates and notes, anyone could easily tell how stressed you were getting.

When you finally hung up, standing over the table quietly and playing with your pen he got up to check on things. He found you rereading everything you hastily scribbled down, chewing your lip as you tried not to start crying. Between school and work, you were feeling nothing but stress and worry over how things would turn out in the coming days.

“I-I’m sorry” you hiccuped, rubbing your eyes. Jongho hadn’t known what to do at first, but he’s quick to let you wrap your arms around him and try to compose yourself. He strokes your hair, again muttering that it was okay to cry on his shoulder like this. “We’ll figure it out together, okay?” He keeps an eye on you even when you break away and takes a few deep breaths.

#ateez imagines #ateez reactions #ateez fanfic #ateez x reader #ateez #ateez scenarios #kim hongjoong #park seonghwa #jung yunho #kang yeosang #song mingi #jung wooyoung #choi san #choi jungho

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bottoms-movie · 3 years

Text

SAMBUCKY FIC RECS

so a lot of people seemed interested this so here it is! if ya’ll like this, i can make more parts! this is split into three categories: based on tfatws, canon divergence, and au. all fics are on ao3. all of the fics are complete. some fics do include smut, but i included the ratings, so make sure to check for that based on preferences!

also, feel free to send me asks on your thoughts on any fics or if you’re interested in another sambucky fic rec post!

BASED ON TFATWS

Fill the Hole in my Heart | Not Rated | 4,848 words

Bucky dives into the world of online dating. The girls are nice, but there seems to be something missing. When he goes to Louisiana to meet Sam and his family, he realizes what that something was.

Skip, Reverse | Explicit | 7,945 words

Sam stood in the middle of their local Target with a throw pillow in each hand. The one in his left hand was butter-soft and matched the drapes in the living room, but Bucky had walked by five seconds ago and declared the one on the right “absolutely fucking hideous,” and so now Sam kind of wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything.

Sometimes romance is just bickering with your superhero partner/roommate at several different Target locations.

just won’t do right | General | 7,524 words

Sam's eyebrows go up, impressed, and he reaches over to squeeze Torres' shoulder, "This is amazing, kid. Thanks, really."

Bucky sits and watches in utter horror as the pink darkens on Torres' cheeks.

Oh, he realizes. Oh. Fuck.

body language will do the trick | Explicit | 12,598 words

“There’s no way you’re going to win this,” Bucky tells Sam. “I am going to love language the shit out of you.”

Sam gives him a considering look. “You do seem like you’d be really good at that.”

Bucky’s cheeks flush with heat. “Thanks, pal, I—”

Sam smirks, and Bucky’s eyes narrow. He shoves his elbow into Sam’s side and stalks off, leaving Sam cackling behind him.

“Your ass looks great today!” Sam yells.

Bucky reaches up to flip Sam the bird, and he definitely does not feel grateful that he wore his good jeans today. Bucky’s ass looks great every day.

checklist | General | 4,716 words

Bucky Barnes keeps a mental checklist of things he knows to be true at any given moment. Sometimes the checklist changes, because he's learned something else about himself. It changes, for example, when he starts realizing that maybe he would like to kiss Sam Wilson. Maybe.

best laid plans | 3 parts | 26,808 words

part 1: baby you’re the wave and I’m ready for the crash | Explicit | 6,616 words

Nah, my plan’s better,” Sam declares, before clapping Bucky on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry, what plan? Was that a plan? It didn’t sound like a plan to me, it sounded like a vague intention,” says Bucky, still scowling, and Sam grins.

“We’re winging it, the plan is a work in progress! Now c’mon, we gotta make some wardrobe adjustments if we’re gonna get into that club.”

Sam and Bucky have some unorthodox methods of going undercover in a club.

He Doesn’t Deserve You! | Teen | 5,154 words

Sam and Bucky have an argument that results in Bucky being left at the bar. A group of drunk strangers assumes Bucky just got dumped and quickly adopt him for the night to make him feel better.

Reconstitution | Not Rated | 10,228 words

“I didn’t back Steve on the Sokovia Accords,” Sam says unprompted one day. They’re so close to apprehending the Flagsmashers and wrapping up this ridiculous saga.

“I don’t follow,” Bucky says.

“I was the one who refused to sign it first. Not Steve.”

Sam says it so softly that Bucky has to strain to hear him. Sam is loud and chatty and half the time he keeps up a constant stream of chatter just to get on Bucky’s nerves, but Bucky’s coming to realize that when he really wants to make himself heard, he’s soft spoken and mild. Bucky doesn’t entirely follow his train of thought, though.

Or: a breaking down, remaking, and coming back stronger than ever before

Stuck On You (You Suez, You Luez) | Explicit | 10,136 words

Sam and Bucky’s mission was simple: stowaway on a ship suspected of weapons-smuggling in the Suez, gather enough intel to report back, and hop off again in Port Said. Something gets in the way, and a day-long recon session turns into a week of chess, bickering, semi-successful movie references, and trying not to go slowly insane.

His Touch | Mature | 1,006 words

When Baron Zemo touched Bucky’s face, Sam Wilson saw red.

Bucky just wants Sam to comfort him.

rusted | Teen | 2,358 words

Bucky doesn’t grace him with a sound of acknowledgement. He’s been quiet, ever since that night with Zemo. Well. Quieter. It’s almost like. Every time he opens his mouth, he’s half-expecting the Winter Soldier to come out.

He hasn’t, yet. Won’t, ever again. Not unbidden. Sam’s sure of that. Bucky, not so much.

‘You busy?’

‘’m scouring the—’

‘Good,’ Sam cuts the idiot off, ‘I need you to help me shave.’

advanced therapy methods for large adult men | 2 parts | 11,717 words

part 1: The Gottman Method for Dealing with Conflict | Mature | 4,187 words

Bucky and Dr. Raynor have a follow-up session and two entirely different conversations about his relationship status.

Or: Let's do more couples therapy, James.

it’s always Bucky’s Fault | 3 parts | 20,089 words

part 1: Did you see it? | Explicit | 3,905 words

In which there's supposedly a viral video of the Winter Soldier on his knees sucking off Captain America.

Everything is, like always, completely Bucky's fault.

CANON DIVERGENCE

Even in the Present (I Am Living in the Past) | Teen | 16,977 words

Sometimes Sam still questions everything about his ability to shoulder the 80-year legacy he now bears. His history, and the history of his loss, sticks with him and even in healing he doubts whether or not he is able to fulfil his purpose, and whether he may find lasting peace and happiness.

Told in fluid-fragments, the story moves between his therapy sessions after his return from active duty and the post-Endgame present.

You never forget your first | Teen | 3,650 words

The story of Bucky and Sam getting together in a series of firsts.

leftovers | Mature | 19,249 words

With the New Avengers up and running, Sam finally has time to start dating again. Unfortunately, it's not going as well as he'd hoped.

Partners | Explicit | 7,235 words

Sam's not sure if he can be Captain America. He's not a supersoldier. He can't throw the shield. He's just a dude.

And Bucky Barnes is just a nuisance, albeit a pretty good-looking one.

I’ll explain everything to the geese | Explicit | 50,949 words

Bucky is so competent that it hurts my feelings is not a rational complaint to have about a person, and yet, after a year of being Captain America and partnering up with Bucky for the new and improved, post-Blip Avengers, that’s kinda how Sam’s feeling.

It’s not great. It maybe leads to Sam making some rash, ill-advised decisions like claiming he has a previously undisclosed superpower, and then getting caught in a web of lies when he ends up actually developing that surprisingly inconvenient superpower. Talking to birds had seemed like a harmless superpower, but it turns out that birds have a lot of opinions, and they don’t hesitate to tell Sam about them, especially when it comes to his supposedly subpar courting skills. Which is ridiculous, because Sam isn’t courting Bucky. Right?

Night Swimming | Teen | 2,056 words

“Come on. The princess has a new arm for you and I gotta see if there’s a barber around here willing to tackle your…” Sam waved a hand at Bucky’s face.

“I don’t want a new arm,” Bucky immediately bit out.

And then -

“I can cut my own damn hair.”

Sam just raised both eyebrows. Crossed his arms over his chest again.

Dared Bucky to prove him wrong.

Cpvert Coffee & Flirtation Specialist | General | 5,542 words

The reporter says "—for Captain America to—"

And Bucky rolls his eyes. "Oh, here we go."

Sam looks at him then tips his head sideways, got a weird grin on his face. "Not a fan?"

"Not that. Just… the guy seems too good to be true, right? Wings and a shield?? Come on."

"Uh, is that why your eyes are like glued to the screen whenever he's on?" Kate says. "Is that why you call him Captain Tight Ass?"

"He's a goddamn show-off, and you know it. Tight ass or not."

Just then Sam snorts, real loud, grabs his coffee and suffers a horribly controlled laugh on his way out the door.

Stolen Moments | Teen | 98,767 words

“No,” Sam said, chuckling. “I don’t cheat,” he swept his gaze up and down James’ body, “even with guys who look like you. But, I’m bored and a little pissed, so if you wanna sit here and shoot the shit ‘til my man shows back up, I’m game.”

Never one to back to back down from a challenge - especially a challenge who looked like Sam Wilson - Bucky took another swig from his bottle and replied, “Sure, doll. I’ve got nothing but time.”

Steve has Sam. Bucky wants Sam. Sam wasn’t expecting any of this.

Such a Whirlwind Since I Saw You | Teen | 10,871 words

The Men of Letters turned Bucky Barnes into a weapon. Hunters Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanov are determined to save him, but they're going to need Sam Wilson's help.

“So you want me to ditch work, drive across America with you until you find your friend, who you thought was dead - all while avoiding some high-tech hunters who are out for blood?” Sam is asking.

Steve shrugs a shoulder, looking a little sheepish. Natasha almost laughs at the dry tone of Sam’s voice, but he's not wrong.

You Got What I Need? | Explicit | 37,588 words

Sam and Bucky are both in a bind, professionally. Nat points out a solution that neither men like. To save their careers they play along or rather, stop playing all together.

#marvel #sam wilson #bucky barnes #tfatws #sambucky #sambucky fanfiction #sambucky fic recs #fic recs #usermarcy #usersof #tusernini #tusersammy #usersmile #usersamanne #usercross #sambucky fanfic #my fic recs

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krreader · 3 years

Text

loving you is a losing game | the aftermath.

pairing: park jimin x sister!reader ; kim taehyung x actress!reader fandom: bts warnings: actress!reader ; language genre: angst ; fluff word count: 4k+ previous: x

summary: all that jimin ever wanted to do was protect you. this time, however, he failed you and his best friend, taehyung.

a/n: I told y’all I wouldn’t let you wait this time haha. I’m super glad to see all your feedback though, all your messages were wonderful and I love you all <3

Jimin had left that night when you and Taehyung had broken up. He couldn't bear looking into his eyes, knowing that he caused all this hurt to both you and him.

But when he walked back into the apartment the next day, he quietly sat down next to Taehyung for the first time since he found out about you and him and found Taehyung smiling at him.

Despite that, Jimin could tell that it didn't reach his eyes.

Throughout the next weeks, their relationship got better again. Still, he caught Taehyung stare at his phone so often and whenever the message from that special someone didn't come, he put it down and closed his eyes, visibly disappointed and sad. Jimin never mentioned you to him in those weeks, not knowing how to even bring it all up, but Taehyung didn’t seem like he wanted to talk about you anyway.

Simultaneously, Jimin tried calling you multiple times, but was never able to get a hold of you.

It was only when his mother finally called and told him that you had come home that he decided to drive up to Busan in hopes of mending the relationship with you... if that was even possible at thit point.

You weren't there when he arrived though.

“Where is she?” he asked his mother as soon as he stepped foot inside the house.

“I don’t know... she went out a few hours ago and hasn’t come back since,” his mother fidgeted with the kitchen towel in her hand, “I’m worried, Jimin.”

Jimin knew were you were.

Where you always were when you were upset and couldn’t stand being at home.

It was only a 10 minute walk to a secluded area at the beach where him and you used to spend all your childhood at. You often knocked heads with the family and whenever you did, you came here to think. The only one that you ever told about this place was Jimin, the only one in the family that you always knew you could lean onto.

Funny how times had changed.

And indeed, there you were, sitting in the sand, staring out at the beach, not moving a muscle when he sat down next to you.

That’s a good start, right?

Jimin tried to find the right thing to say, but he couldn't. Nothing made sense when it was all his fault, when he was simply too proud to see you and his best friend dating, thinking that it was somehow wrong.

But what was wrong was you and Taehyung feeling this way because of him. He had only seen Taehyung, but he saw how heartbroken he was. He could only imagine what you must feel like, as Taehyung was the one that broke up with you... for Jimin.

“I looked up to you my entire life, you know? Way before you became an idol, even. Every time someone would ask who I wanted to be when I grew up, I answered Park Jimin. People would laugh, but I didn't care, because you were my biggest hero. You were the one person that always made people happy, were always happy to bring smiles into people’s faces and where always there when I needed you. And I was always so proud to call you my brother,” you turned your head to look at him, him looking right back at you with wide eyes, “Now I wish I didn't even know you.”

“You don't mean that,” he said quietly, but his voice broke nonetheless.

“I guess it doesn't really matter anymore.”

“It does,” Jimin instantly grabbed your hands, “Please, listen to me. Let me explain why..-”

“BigHit was very kind and introduced me to someone from Marvel. They offered me a role in their newest movie,” you interrupted him mid-sentence.

BigHit? Jimin was taken aback at first, but then his blood instantly started to boil, knowing damn well they did that because they wanted you to leave for Jimin and Taehyung to mend their relationship, even if it meant further breaking that of him and you.

They couldn’t care less about your relationship with Jimin.

“I'm leaving next week and if things go well, I might stay. Being a Hollywood actress surely isn't so bad.”

“(Y/N), listen to me,” he shook his head to get BigHit out of his thoughts, “I just want you to..-”

“No, Jimin,” you got up, him instantly doing the same, “I don't think you realize just how much I meant what I said before.”

“But we're family! Stop saying these things, they don't make sense,” Jimin was a very emotional person. He couldn’t hold back his tears when he realized you were slipping out of his grasp fast. You were still staying strong though, “You're my baby sister. The one I'm always supposed to protect, the one that I can't lose...”

You gulped down hard, knowing the impact of what you said next, “You already have.”

You walked away after that, not being able to see the dispair in his eyes, before he slowly crumbled and started sobbing.

And even though you wanted to be cold, when you walked away, a few tears escaped your eyes, knowing that you just lost the love of your life and brother in a matter of weeks.

But that was ultimately the reason why you had to leave. The loss of such important people, where everything reminded you of both, you wouldn’t be able to function anymore. So you decided that leaving was the best option.

Your mother must have known about this beforehand, because when Jimin walked back into the house, she instantly opened up her arms for him, her son cradling against her chest and crying into it like he was a young boy again.

“It’s going to be okay... she’ll forgive you,” she whispered into his hair, gently rubbing over his back, “Just give her time. Time and space is what she needs most right now.”

He knew that she was right, but not doing anything and just letting you leave was so fucking hard for him. He ended up staying at his parents the entire week, not knowing what to do with himself otherwise.

And it was only when he came home a week later and you had already left for the US, that he looked right into Taehyung’s eyes and knew he had to be the one to tell him that you were gone.

“Hollywood,” he repeated, a small smile spreading on his face. Jimin couldn’t see his eyes, but he assumed that it didn’t reach them, “She always dreamt of that.”

“Yeah... she did,” Jimin gulped down hard and continued to stare at Taehyung, because he could tell that he wouldn’t hold out for much longer.

And indeed, within seconds, he started sobbing, so hard, that Jimin instantly pulled him into his arms and tried to calm his shaking body best friend down.

And once again, all that Jimin could think was: this is all my fault. I destroyed their lives... their future.

In all these months that you were gone, Jimin didn't give up, even if his mother told him that it was no use. He kept trying to text and call, not caring that you never responded. The only way he could see was through promotional photos from set, through interviews and the only way to really know what was going on with you was when his mother told him about it.

With each and every day you slipped more and more away from him, until one day he realized that he completely lost you, yet Taehyung was right at his side, holding his hand at a concert and smiling at him, showing him that he was still here... because he chose him.

Taehyung chose him over you.

And as Jimin was looking into his best friend’s eyes, filled with tears, Taehyung instantly knew what he was thinking about... or rather who.

Not wanting ARMY to catch on, Taehyung pulled him into his arms and held onto him firmly.

“It's my fault,” he whispered into his ear, “We lost her... because of me.”

And unfortunately, he was right.

That night, Jimin and Taehyung sat down together on their balcony at home and talked about the entire thing for the first time... ever.

“How did it start?” Jimin asked.

Taehyung was hesitant at first, but then he started pouring his heart out, seemingly happy that he was finally able to share this story with someone, “It was when we had a concert here years ago. She came to watch it and I was having a really bad day. I locked myself in a room and just cried... or at least I thought I locked the door. She walked in on me having that mental breakdown. And you know her... she worried like crazy,” he let out a laugh, “She always worried about me. Right from the start.”

“She got that from our mom,” he said with a small smile.

“She stayed with me that day until I stopped crying, held my hand and told me that things would get better again. And the next day, she texted me this entire paragraph about how good I was doing and how proud she was, not just of me, but of the band. I felt... really bad about her worrying so much over me, so I asked her if she wanted to have dinner with me. She agreed, but then we couldn't agree on a restaurant and ended up eating Ramen at the Han. We talked all night long... just talked...”

Jimin listened tentatively, but his eyes became sadder within each second again, especially when he saw how much this still affected Taehyung. The more he talked about you, the more his eyes lit up, but then that flame quickly disappeared again when he realized this was all in the past.

“We did that once a week, then. Just meeting up to talk. We did nothing else for four months. And then one day I looked at her and I realized that I had fallen for her... without me even having noticed it. It just hit me right in the face. Like... wow. I really love that girl, you know?”

“Did you tell her?”

“Couldn't. I felt really bad for even having these feelings. Because... you know,” he looked at Jimin, but he didn't say that it was because of him, “I hid it for months until she called me one night, completely drunk and asked me to pick her up. I did, drove her home, got her into bed and that's when she began crying, poured her heart out and told me that she had fallen in love with me, but hated herself for it, because she knew that loving me would hurt you. And she couldn't hurt you, not when you meant the world to her.”

Great, he thought this couldn't get any worse.

“We put the cards out on the table a week later and realized that we only had two options. End it before it even began or try and keep it a secret so that you wouldn't get affected by it. We picked the second option and promised to not tell you until we warmed you up to the idea. But... that obviously hadn’t worked out.”

Jimin gulped down his drink in one go, swirled it around in his mouth for a moment, then quietly said after a moment: “Why'd you choose me when you loved her so much?”

A question that he had always wondered about.

“I thought it was the right decision.”

“You thought?”

Taehyung looked up at the stars, “You did so much for me in the past... I wouldn’t be here as the person that I am if it hadn’t been for you. So at the time, it made sense. But now that I see my empty future... I see that I fucked up. Because she was my future.”

Jimin didn't reply, just lowered his head in shame.

“I even bought her a ring, you know?” Taehyung laughed, though only to hide the hurt, “But that's on me that I didn't give it to her. I thought I still had time.”

“Maybe you do.”

Taehyung looked at his best friend, the sad smile back on his face, “It’s easier to forgive a brother than it is to forgive someone like me. And I can’t even blame her,” he pulled out the ring from his pocket, a beautiful ring that looked a lot like an engagement ring, but Jimin didn’t ask any further questions, “I’d pick her any day now over everything and everyone. But I don’t have that chance anymore. So all I hope for now is that you and her will be happy again.”

Jimin sighed deeply, “If I could turn back time, I would. I would do things differently, give you my blessing and tell you that I'm happy for you.”

Taehyung just leaned back, still playing with the ring as he continued to look up at the stars, “I know you would.”

You had successfully avoided your family for a while now, always putting your career first and not looking at anything other than. Your parents were often angry, up until you literally flew them out because there was no way you’d step foot into Korea again so soon.

But while you were now one of Hollywood’s upcoming actresses due to your hard work, your oldest brother had found love and was getting married. And well... this one, you couldn't get out of.

“Thanks for coming,” your brother hugged you when you finally arrived at the venue, “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” you smiled, “And I'm so happy for you. I can't wait to finally get to meet the lucky woman.”

“Ha, you're just saying that, you'll tell embarrassing stories about me the moment that you meet her.”

You just wiggled your eyebrows, then smiled even brighter when you heard your mother let out a loud squeal and pull you into her arms, your father hugging both of you, not wanting to wait any longer for his daughter to be in his arms.

“Finally, my beautiful daughter,” she leaned back a little, tears in her eyes, making you and your brother chuckle.

“Mom, you're not supposed to cry yet.”

“Ah, stop it,” she hit your brother and then turned him around, “What are you even doing here, you need to get ready. I'll help you. And you? Don't run off, alright? I want to spend some time with my daughter.”

“I won't,” you chuckled and watched them disappear, your father just following them with a chuckle.

And of course, there was one person missing in the mix. Should have known that he’d show up sooner, rather than later.

“You look beautiful,” the voice made you take in a deep breath, then let it out once you were looking at him.

He wasn't the confident man that you once know standing there. He was unsure, nervous, sad, but at the same time, happy to see you.

“Thank you.”

“I wasn't sure whether or not you'd come. If I had known..-”

“Don't be ridiculous, you're his brother too.”

“I wasn't talking about me.”

A second later, Bangtan joined him, Taehyung immediately stopping when he saw you.

After all this time, you thought that you were over it. You thought that if you were to ever see him again, you’d just keep your cool, smile and be graceful about it, but your heart seemed to break all over again.

If it hadn’t been for Jeongguk, you maybe even would have started to cry as all the memories were flooding back in. Especially the ones about the break-up.

“I saw your movie,” Jeongguk beamed, “You were so cool!”

“Thanks,” you shook your head a little, now focusing on the youngest member so that you didn’t have to look at either Taehyung, nor Jimin anymore, “I should.. probably go inside and say hello to everyone.”

Jimin took a step forward, his hand reaching out, but then he quickly dropped it, just like his shoulders did.

None of them were affected by you, only Jimin and Taehyung. Both of them were left standing there, even though the others followed you inside.

Taehyung was the first to speak: “I shouldn't be here. I'll only make her uncomfortable.”

“No, please. Please, stay.”

It was the desperation in his eyes that made Taehyung nod, ultimately.

Still, he didn't feel like he belonged here anymore. Not when he broke your heart and ruined so much in your family.

And throughout the entire wedding, he couldn't focus on anything but you. And as if you could feel his eyes burning into the back of your head, he often found you turn around to look at him, Taehyung quickly averting his gaze to look somewhere else instead.

On a more positive note, the celebration was beautiful, your brother's wife was glowing and he was the happiest you had ever seen him. Even if you had wanted to leave early... you couldn't. You had missed this, missed him, missed your mother and father, missed the memories all these three brought you.

And if you were being honest... you even missed Jimin.

A conversation that you had with your mother a while ago came back:

“He visits a lot these days, you know? Jimin, I mean. He always goes up to your room and makes sure that it’s cleaned... just in case you’re coming back anytime soon.”

“I won’t,” you said plainly.

You heard your mother sigh on the other end of the phone, “You know, (Y/N), I will never presume to know what it must have felt like, your brother doing this to you and your partner betraying you like this. But do you want it to be like this for the rest of your life? Do you want to hate Jimin forever?”

“I don’t hate Jimin,” you hadn’t even thought about it, were even surprised when you said it, “I just.. don’t know how to forgive him.”

“You won’t know until you talk to him again, my love. You can ignore him for the next years to come, but you won’t come any closer to forgiving him. So if that is truly what you want... then talk to him.”

And so after you gulped down your champagne and took a deep breath, you walked outside and joined your brother that was standing on his own.

“So, you'll be the next to get married?” Jimin was so surprised when you started to talking to him as he was getting some fresh air outside, but you didn’t look angry. Maybe unsure of how to talk to him, but not hostile.

“What? With whom?” he laughed nervously, “I haven’t had a girlfriend in years.”

“Ah, I'm sure mom has a few girls that she's eyeing. What was that one girl’s name... the daughter of the baker.”

“Please, don't. I still have trauma from that awkward date that she forced on me,” you both snorted and suddenly the atmosphere between you felt like what it once was. And Jimin hated to ruin it, but he had to know: “Are you okay? I mean.. we haven't talked in a long time and I only hear what mom tells me.”

“You know how it is when your career is at its peek. A lot of stress, but a lot of rewards too.”

“I wasn't talking about your career, I was talking about you.”

You pondered over your next words for a moment, then you said: “I had a lot of time to think about everything. About my life,” you began to smile, even if only just a little bit, “I don’t know when I’ll be able to look at you and not feel hurt. But... when I look at you now, I also realize that I’ve missed you. And if my heart tells me that, then I can’t really hate you, right? So I would like to... I don’t know. Talk. A little. Maybe.”

And his entire stance changed instantly. His shoulder slumped, he began taking in a sharp breath of air and he was on the verge of tears.

“No, don't cry,” you shook your head, even let out a little laugh, “I’m just saying that I’d like to try again. You’re my big brother and... mom is right. I don’t want to spend my life trying to hate someone that I still love. Deep down.”

“I'd like that,” he said, pressing his fingers into his eyes when he couldn’t control the tears anymore.

You just smirked.

The wedding was slowly dissolving. The first guests had left hours ago and now it was only the family left, but even those were beginning to say their goodbye’s.

At a table, Bangtan was sitting with your brother, laughing wholeheartedly.

But one person was missing.

You walked back into the room where your brother and his wife had gotten married and found him standing at the altar, staring at it.

It was hard for you to come up with something to say, so you just waited until he finally noticed that you were here.

“Always thought I’d see you in a hall like this with a wedding dress on while you’re walking towards me, you know?” Taehyung said with a sad smile.

“It probably would have been like that if you hadn’t chosen my brother that night,” you approached him, to Taehyung’s surprise.

“Yeah, I don’t think he looks as pretty as you would in a wedding dress.”

This caught you off-guard. So much, that you actually began to laugh.

He always knew how to break the ice.

“Did you know that he used to wear mom’s dresses and play teaparty with me when we were kids? I thought he looked really pretty.”

“That’s very valuable information that I will bring up at the right time, thank you very much.”

Given your uncomfortable and awkward hello earlier, he hadn’t expected you to talk so casually with each other, but... maybe time healed some wounds.

Taehyung wanted to take a step forward to be closer to you, but he wasn’t sure if you were okay with that, so he just stayed right there.

“I regret it every single moment of my life, you know? Every waking moment I think of you and hate myself for what I did to you. For what I did to us.”

You didn’t reply, just gulped down the clump in your throat.

“If only I had made the right choice that day... if only I had tried to convince Jimin that I was good for you and that you would be safe with me... then maybe it would have been us standing here today.”

In regards to Taehyung, you also had a lot of time to think. Whereas you always just felt hurt in the beginning, you tried to put yourself in his shoes eventually.

What if it had been Taehyung’s sister that objected so much to your relationship that you knew it was either her, your best friend, or Taehyung? Would you have picked him and thrown away a year-long friendship?

Would you have picked him over the girl that knew your deepest and darkest secrets? That walked through hell and back for you? That loved you unconditionally and would forever, no matter what?

The answer to this question was the reason that you were the one to take a step towards Taehyung.

“But it is you and me standing here today.”

His breathing got uneven, even more so when you took another step towards him.

“How can I fix this, (Y/N)?” he whispered, “I’ll do anything... I swear, anything.”

You reached out until your hand cupped his cheek, your thumb brushing over the softness of his skin, “I don’t know how long it would take...”

Taehyung wrapped his hand around your wrist, making sure that you didn’t pull back.

“You have my life, (Y/N). I don’t care how long it takes, I will do anything to convince you that I’m not making the same mistake twice.”

It wouldn’t be easy, forgiving him, nor Jimin was something that you could do in a matter of minutes. But you wanted to try, so that your heart could finally get rid of all the hurt and hate.

So you wrapped your arms around him and hugged him, breathing in the scent that instantly brought back memories, but this time, all the good ones.

And so you smiled, Taehyung pulling you closer and burying his face into your neck.

“I’m so sorry, beautiful.”

And while the two of you were standing at the altar, hugging, Jimin was standing in the entryway with a smile and let out a happy sigh.

“Please be happy together... because I love you both so much.”

457 notes · View notes

buckyownsmylife · 3 years

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woman’s world - chris evans smut

The one where Chris pisses you off during a panel, but then finds a way to apologize

Warnings: age gap, famous!reader, oblivious Chris, smut, unprotected sex

Chris’ P.O.V.

The panel had gone well, or as well as it could go when everyone was trying to push the idea of Y/N and I together. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to pursue something with her - quite the opposite in fact. I was completely infatuated with the young actress, but the problem was just that: she was young. Too young for me, probably. So it was becoming harder and harder to deal with everyone commenting on how great we would be together when it was already all I could think about, and there was nothing I could do to make it come true without looking like an absolute predator.

Still, there was no denying that my favorite part about this particular press tour had been getting to spend time with her. She was just the perfect company, especially in a situation like this, which frankly could easily become tiresome and irritating. She just had this way of being able to read me and know what I needed, so she’d easily take over when she noticed an interviewer was getting on my nerves or overstepping some boundaries.

She was quickly becoming my favorite person, but unfortunately, the rest of our cast had noticed as much. And so that meant that for the last day or so, I’d forced myself to pull away from her, deliberately sitting as far away as possible and not even glancing her way whenever there was a camera around. I even managed to have a quick reaction when the panel moderator joked about us being the perfect couple, and I was proud of how my cry of “She’s a kid, for God’s sake!” had made everyone laugh, even my friends who had been keen on insisting I should ask her out.

So needless to say, I was in a good mood. Such a great mood, in fact, that I’d decided to ask Y/N to come back to my room so we could grab a beer and watch some movies. Asking around for where she had gone, someone pointed in the direction I thought I’d seen her head to, and after a couple of seconds, I managed to see her in the middle of the sea of people. Then it was just a matter of smoothly dodging everyone trying to lure me into pointless conversations and then she was already within ear reach.

Or so I thought, at least. I tried calling her name countless times, but she didn’t look back once. In fact, she even quickened her step, and soon enough I had to physically run so I could follow her into the elevator that could take us to the floor where we were staying.

I didn’t think too much of it, considering she probably thought I was someone else and was doing the same as I was: trying to dodge anyone who wanted to make us stay a bit longer on the crowded floor where the convention was taking place. But then we were inside the elevator and she didn’t even turn to look me in the eye.

More importantly, when I reached out to rub my thumb on her wrist, to signal that I wanted to hold her hand, the response I got was a harsh, “Is this your way of subtly hinting that you want to hold my hand? Because it’s quite cute, but I’m not in the mood for that at all.”

The attitude caught me by surprise in such a way that I was only able to snap out of it once the elevator’s doors opened, but before I could ask what the fuck was going on, she had ran out of it, walking towards her room with determination.

Oh no, she wouldn’t. There was no way I was letting her hide in her room, angry at me, when I didn’t even know what I’d done wrong. I sprung into action, running after her and managing to hold the door just before she was able to slam it in my face.

“What’s going on?” I cried out, pushing my way inside the room as she just stared up at me with hurt eyes and a pout on her lips. “What did I do?” Y/N huffed, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms while looking away from me, before I managed to pull her closer by her wrists when I pried her arms open again. “Talk to me, c’mon.”

She glanced at me with furrowed brows, quickly averting her eyes before looking back again with an unamused expression. “You’re really gonna act like you don’t know.” Anxiety coursed through my veins at a scary pace. It was clear that I’d hurt her, but I had no idea how!

“I really don’t know!” I cried out, begging her to answer me, so I could make this better. I couldn’t bear the thought of offending her, of possibly losing her… and her friendship. Since that was all I could get from her, I was gonna fight with everything to keep it. “Please, let me make it up to you.”

For a second, it seemed like she would relent. But when her eyes met mine again, it was clear that whatever she saw on mine reminded her of the reason that she was mad, because just when I started to smile, she caught a second wind, pulling her hands from me and turning her back.

“I don’t know why you’re so adamant about making me feel better. I thought I was just a kid to you.” And then, suddenly, it made sense. Flashes of what had happened not even an hour earlier played in my head, this time her face being the focus of it all. Perhaps it wasn’t perceptible for everyone else that her smile faltered when I shouted that idiotic thing, but to me it was.

To me it was, and still, back then, I didn’t see it. I chose not to see it, because I was so scared to deal with the truth. Instead, I ended up hurting her. And that was literally the last thing that I wanted.

“I-I’m sorry,” I immediately offered, raising a hand to scratch the back of my neck. “I just… I didn’t want them to start creating any narratives about us two together, you know? I mean… You know how they can get. And I can’t be… We can’t be... associated… like that.”

I knew I had screwed up even before it became clear that she wouldn’t answer. Despite how cautiously I’d tried to phrase it, it ended up sounding weird even to my own ears. And when she didn’t turn around to look me in the eye again, I didn’t know what else to do. I felt myself deflating, my heart beating desperately against my chest, terrified of losing her simply for being my stupid self.

“C’mon… You know what I mean,” I breathed out, trying to approach her and resting a hand on one of her shoulders, but she simply shook it off. “C’mon, Y/N, don’t be like that.” I made myself flinch with just how poorly I was handling that situation.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I didn’t know what to do or say. Don’t be like what? “Like a child?” I asked, my tone icy enough to layer the tension in the room with one more level of awkwardness, and I didn’t need to see Chris to know that he was a mixture of nervous and confused, at the very least.

I knew it because I was, too. I was completely thrown off by my own behaviour, as weirdly as that sounded. I didn’t know why I was so defensive, except that I did. I did know it, I just didn’t want to admit.

“Well, this child wants to be left alone. I’ll talk to you later, Chris.” And I stormed off into the bathroom, only stopping to take a breath when I was sure the door was locked behind me. I needed to put some distance between myself and him, otherwise I was gonna lose it - even worse than I already did.

But it was too late to keep on ignoring my feelings. I was forced to deal with the reality of them, at least with myself, since I knew - especially after today - that there was no way I would ever get to reveal to Chris that I’d fallen for him.

To him, I was just a kid, and that’s all I would forever be.

Weirdly, I didn’t feel like crying as I took off my clothes and stepped into the shower, decided to wash away all of the bad feelings that this day had brought me. I just felt… disappointed, like a kid who’s been dreaming about a Christmas present only to find out they’ve been given socks. I’d been hopelessly trying to ignore my feelings for Chris, but at least a small part of me still fed into the ridiculous idea that he could possibly reciprocate those sentiments.

Now that it was obvious it would never be the case, it was like a small part of me had died on that stage.

By the time I got out of the shower, some twenty minutes later, I decided to put on a loose shirt I had kept around from some ex and take a nap until it was time to be social again. Certainly my friends would want to hit the bars or at least grab some dinner, and it would provide me with the perfect occasion to apologize to Chris.

Yes, that was perfect. That would get me a few more hours where I could manage to fabricate some resemblance of control before I had to see him. And then it would all go back to the way it was: me, pretending I don’t have a crush, while he kept seeing me as a kid.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t even notice the massive body hidden beneath the covers in my bed until I went to uncover it so I could slide in.

“What the hell are you doing here? Get out of my bed,” I chastised, but Chris only gave me those annoyingly effective puppy eyes that had me groaning. “No. You don’t get to do this. I’m still mad at you, go to your room and we’ll talk about it later, but for now, just let me wallow in peace.”

But still, he didn’t let up. I tried to climb on the bed, but he was now smack down on the middle of it, still pouting with those perfect full lips of his.

“Get. out. of. the. Bed.”

“Not until you tell me what I can do for you to forgive me. C’mon, baby girl, just let me make it up to you.” When I didn’t answer, making sure to avoid his eyes, he simply reached out and grabbed me by my hips, forcing me to sit on his lap. “Please?” He quietly begged, one hand cradling my face while the other maintained its grip on my hip.

The movement had caught me by surprise, and my mouth fell open as I realized that because the shirt had ridden up, I was sat panties glued to Chris’ jeans. And if that wasn’t enough to throw me into a ridiculously horny state, the fact that I could feel just how hard he was certainly did.

“C’mon, sweetheart. Don’t be shy,” he pressed, and my eyes snapped up to meet his, finding a hazy lust that reflected mine and a very, very naugthty smirk that didn’t help my current about-to-get messy situation. “Tell me how I can make it up to you.”

I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as I took a sharp inhale, thinking about what I was about to say. Could I really do this? Should we even do this? I still wasn’t completely sure about what the hell had happened, but one thing I was certain of, and that was that I really wanted him to, “Kiss me.”

For all the reservation I expected Chris to have about this, he didn’t hesitate a single second before pulling me to meet his lips, and it was everything I thought kissing him would be like. His lips were soft and as patient as he seemed to try to be, there was an undeniable edge of neediness in the way his tongue swiped my bottom lip, begging me for entrance.

“You’re not gonna let me in, honey?” He whispered against my lips, warm breath making me shiver in his arms before I was able to gather my thoughts.

“I don’t think you deserve it.” I shrugged, but by Chris’ teasing smile, I knew I had just given him exactly what he wanted. In a quick move, he had me sprawled on the bed underneath him, while he hovered over me with dark eyes that I never thought I’d get to see outside of my dreams.

“Let me show you why you’re wrong.”

Chris’ P.O.V.

I started by rubbing the outside of her thighs until she opened her legs enough for me to settle in the space between them. I paid close attention to the way her breath hitched even with the softest of touches, incapable of stopping the grin that made its way into my face.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking sensitive, baby.” She whined as I lowered myself to replace my fingers with my lips, slowly making out with the delicate skin of her inner thighs. “You see? This is why I was scared to reveal my feelings for you. It’d be so easy to ruin you.”

By the way she bit on her lower lip, I knew I had reached my goal of making her even more bothered with what I had said, and slowly, I ran my hands up her legs and grabbed her hips to pull her further down, closer to my mouth. I ran my tongue over her lower lip, just barely gathering the excess moisture, and despite how clearly affected she was, Y/N managed to grab my hair and whisper, “I think you’re full of it, Evans.” It made me smirk, but before I could even offer a comeback, she just continued, “But even if you’re right… I’d like nothing more than to be ruined by you and only you.”

A sharp inhale later and a competition of stares, I pounced on her, devouring her little pussy like I’d wish to do so many fucking times before. She was sweet, but her moans were even sweeter, and the combination of sounds and taste and smell only served to intoxicate me, make me even more thrilled about finally having this gorgeous woman underneath me.

As her juices dripped from my jaw on the bed, she kept caressing my head, keeping me closely connected to her like I would ever dream of stepping away from this moment. I wanted to stay right here forever, away from people’s judgements and the overwhelming fear that she would think this was a mistake after it was over.

And right here, as my nose brushed her clit as I plunged my tongue as far as it could go inside her hole, she came right before my eyes, her honey dripping onto my tongue as I came up to toy with her clit before at last parting with her taste.

“You’re so fucking sweet,” I pointed out, stealing her lips with mine so I could share her taste with her, so she’d know I was right. “You’re sweet all over. Shit, I really want to fuck you.” My voice became nothing but a whisper, and soon her hands were cradling my face, thumb playing with my bottom lip before I sucked it. It was true. I craved to feel her from the inside, know what it was like to possess her in that way, too.

“Then fulfill both of our wishes. I really want to be fucked by you.”

Godfuckingdamn. This girl was just perfect. I knew right then, I’d made the right choice by deciding to stick around. When she appeared wearing nothing but that shirt, I forgot all of the reasons that were holding me back from simply taking her, and even now, they didn’t seem all that important anymore.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Your wish is my command.” I heard the words and braced myself to finally feel his cock inside of me, but still, the second that its head managed to fit, a long, drawn-out moan revealed just how impossible it was for me to restrain myself as Chris stretched me open around his member.

“Fuck!” Chris shouted, and it surprised me so much that it made my eyes widen as I stared up at him, hands still holding tightly on his muscular shoulders. “Sorry! Sorry.” He repeated as he bottomed out, forehead resting against mine as he seemed to catch his breath. “I just… I imagined your moans, but hearing them is a completely different thing altogether.”

The sentence had butterflies flying in my stomach and the reality of the situation suddenly hit me. I was lying in bed completely naked with a still fully clothed Chris Evans on top of me, and his cock was filling me in ways I’d never been filled before while he kept releasing these breathy little moans that had my heart skipping a beat every damn time my mind registered them.

“Good to know I’m not the only one who has been dreaming about this,” I settled for whispering in his ear before sucking on his earlobe, and a shiver passed through his body, making me giggle.

“Yeah,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss me quickly before deciding to do it again. “But I’m even more glad that this is actually happening right now.” What could I add to this? I didn’t think there were any combination of words possible. So I resigned myself to feel it, memorize every single thing about this moment when Chris started to pull out only to push back in again. “Let me take care of you,” he whispered, and in that moment, I’d let him do anything to me, just as long as he kept fucking me like this.

His thrusts felt like waves washing over the shore, bringing the tide of desire higher and higher and I could feel it reaching the point where it all changed, the point where my life would turn upside down because I would know what it felt like to cum around Chris’ cock, and the anticipation was enough to have me writhing on the unmade sheets of the hotel bed.

“Shit,” Chris chuckled, and I opened my eyes to find him staring at me with a soft look on his. “You’re unbelievable, sweetheart.” I could see the desire in his darkened pupils. I was sure it mirrored my own. “So beautiful, and you take my cock so well.”

Hearing him talk dirty was everything I’d always wished for, and I could feel myself getting even wetter around him, whines and whimpers escaping my chest as I held him closer to me.

“Fuck, I really wanna buy you a collar with my name on it. Make sure everyone knows I own you now.” The words, paired with the warmth of his breath had me clenching around him, and I fucking melted when I heard him meanly chuckle at my state - the state that he had caused me. “You want it too, huh?”

I really, really did. I’d never been one for external marks of possession, but something about this, about Chris and I, really had me going crazy for his proposal. Maybe because a part of me thought he would never want to admit this had ever happened. I thought he would try to deny it, and so to hear him wishing to boast about it… It really had me going crazy under him.

“Say it.” His voice cut through the haze, making me realize I was actually about to cum again. It took me a while to understand what it wanted, just enough to have him ordering again, in a tone of voice that made every single part of me tingle, “Say you want everyone to know that you’re mine.”

“I do. I want everyone to know I’m yours and only yours, Christopher.” I don’t know if it was the desperation in my tone, my use of his full name or the fact that I came again, but that finally had him losing the control of his movements, quickly pulling out of me and jerking himself off until his cum was painted all over my stomach.

For a second, it was only our labored breaths in the bedroom, staring at each other like we couldn’t believe this had really happened. “Still think I’m a kid?” I had to laugh, biting my lower lip while trying not to show that I actually was really nervous about his reaction now that we were done. But his eyes softened, a quick kiss deposited on my lips before he cradled me in his arms, cum and all, and answered, “You’ll always be my little girl. I just want to do some very adult stuff to you.”

#chris evans smut #smut #chris evans #chris evans reader insert #chris evans reader smut #chris evans reader inserts #chris evans x reader #chris evans reader #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans ff #chris evans oneshot

993 notes · View notes

bistevethor · 3 years

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Steve Rogers Fanfiction Recommendations

Happy birthday, Steve!

I know that there are some (a lot?) of steve fans who sometimes struggle to find fics focused on him, so I am here now putting a list of Steve fics. I was going to fics that I haven't seen recommended a lot and most of the ones on this post have less than 200 kudos only, but I end up putting everything (it's probably easier to put my bookmarks as public but well...). It's a massive list (over 100 fics?), so it's will be separated into several posts/reblogs.

Not all of them are from Steve's POV or even have him as the main 'main' character, but rest assured he played an important role and is featured heavily. Lots of these are friendship-focused but I categorized them. The shippy ones are mostly samsteve, thundershield, and some rare pairings because I don't venture to other ships a lot and when I did it's to the rare ones instead lol. Hopefully, any of you can find some gems from this list and these are as enjoyable or as good as I remembered. I'll continue to update it, hopefully, every time I find new ones.

Fics are under read more.

General

The Rocket's Red Glare

Steve was born on the Fourth of July (no joke), so a party is in order! Unfortunately, PTSD decides to rear its ugly head. Fortunately, Steve's got an entire team at his back to help him through it. And screaming goats.

an entry in the scrapbook of absurdity

In which Steve turns into a baby and bites people.

Baby Steve Adventures

Captain America gets hit by a spell during a battle. The rest of the Avengers look after him.

Do You Remember Being Happy? ('Cause I Sure Don't)

"Dragr," Thor called them. "Demons" Clint had said. "Thieves" is what Steve labels them as. AKA, the one where Steve is captured by creatures that feed off of happy memories, and the team is left to pick up the pieces. Post-Avengers.

In Search of (Bucky, Family, Home)

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov & Sam Wilson

A week following the events of CATWS, Steve recruits Natasha and Sam to help find Bucky.

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Do we need to recap again? You were shot three times, beaten near to death by an enhanced super soldier with a metal arm and then almost drowned. Yeah, your ass is going to need a few more days of healing time.”

The Truth When Captains Meet

Steve Rogers wakes up on an alien’s space ship being carried bridal style by Carol Danvers. As far as first meetings go, it’s memorable.

Irish Coffee

Pairings: Jessica Jones & Steve Rogers

Jessica runs into an incognito Cap at a cafe. They form an unlikely friendship of sorts.

The Lifetimes of Steve Rogers (Series)

What happens when Steve Rogers steps onto the quantum platform to return the Stones? Where does he go? What challenges does he find? Who does he meet? How many lifetimes can one man have?

Fifty-Two Pickup

Less than a week after the fall of the Triskelion, Steve Rogers is released from the hospital. Although his physical wounds are almost fully healed, other injuries need a bit more time, and some help from friends.

little kids get big so fast

Steve ends up having to take care of the deaged Defenders.

Grampa Steve's Bedtime Stories

If Mommy was away for work, then Morgan’s Grampa Steve came over to stay with her. He’d tuck her in, let her give Mommy a kiss on video chat, then hand her the picture of Daddy for his kiss. Once Daddy’s picture was back on the bookshelf, Grampa Steve would turn off the bedside lamp so that Miss Friday could cover the ceiling with stars, and ask Morgan what story she wanted to hear.

“Captain Steve, Grampa! Tell me Captain Steve!”

Grampa Steve sometimes read to her from books and other times watched a movie with her, but her favorite by far was when he told her Captain Steve’s Adventures Through the Multiverse.

On Camping Trips

Sam is more Hermione than Natasha is, and Steve doesn't want to be Harry.

Powerful

Steve loses the advantages of the super-soldier serum. This is not a tragedy.

His Dream

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

As if on cue, Steve cut him off with a loud sneeze.

"Yeah. Like that." Sam nodded. "And please sneeze into your elbow next time, dude. You could've just started an epidemic."

"Sorry. Allergies." Steve excused, and Sam raised an eyebrow.

"How do you know it's allergies?" Sam asked, and Steve sighed, putting the ingredients together and solving the mystery of what the gas had actually done.

The answer wasn't ideal. "It feels like the seasonal allergies I had before. Before the serum- and I haven't had them since the serum."

Realization clicked in Sam's head.

"The gas de-serumed you."

Steve swallowed and nodded reluctantly.

OR: Steve gets temporarily de-serumed, with his height and stature staying the same but his immune system being as bad as it was before, and has to stay in the hospital to prevent a severe allergic reaction or illness. Sam stays with him the whole time, making sure he's not alone.

A Strange Encounter

Things have gone awry and Strange is injured. With no other options, he's called for assistance from Captain America and his team.

even if we're apart, i'll always be with you

Steve finds a dirty toy bear at an abandoned gas station, on the way back from a school trip. He brings him home.

As Long as You’re Not Tired Yet of Talking

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

When Steve Rogers tells her, “Don’t be a stranger,” as they’re all going their own ways after New York, it makes her want to laugh.

Draw/Breath

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

Natasha like knowing what makes people tick. She likes knowing things, about her teammates and her coworkers and herself. Oddly enough, sometimes other people like knowing her too.

AKA: Natasha wants to know why Steve isn’t drawing anymore, and takes the long way round to get her answer. Because why not.

With Magic We Do Fly

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff & Steve Rogers

In Civil War we see Wanda fling Steve into the air with her magic. They must have practiced that, right?

Que Wanda throwing Steve against a wall. Many times.

Just Like We Practiced

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff & Steve Rogers

Steve had said, in the movie when he asked Wanda to lift him into the building, "Just like we practiced." But just how did they come up with the idea of her lifting people with her powers, and putting them up somewhere like an escalator? Perhaps it was because Wanda accidentally sent a certain tall, blond Avenger face-first into the floor once and he decided he would help her learn to utilize this as a confidence building exercise. Natasha keeps an eye, Thor and Sam help build the training grounds, and Wanda has found her new home. Takes place between AGE OF ULTRON and CIVIL WAR.

Black and White but Red and Blue

They're watching black and white film reels, but Steve sees them in colour.

"My shield may be black and white but it was red and blue. Just like the blue sky under which red blood was spilled. Like Bucky's blue eyes and Peggy's red lips..."

The Road Warriors

Characters: Sam Wilson (Marvel), Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Wanda Maximoff

It wasn't pretty, but somehow the four of them managed to make it through two years on the run.

We'll Fix It

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

Steve has a hard time after his battle with The Winter Soldier and isn't sure what to do with himself. After not seeing him for a week, Natasha finally shows up to his apartment unannounced to figure out how they can get back to work. There is some crying involved.

From Here On Out

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

The Accords, the search for Bucky, the fight at the airport ... In a world where nothing will ever be the same, sometimes the road to rebuilding trust and friendship is a little rockier than it should be.

AKA, the story of Steve & Natasha and how they got to where they are.

Set post-Civil War but pre-Infinity War.

I have this breath and I hold it tight

Parings: Wanda Maximoff & Steve Rogers, Clint Barton & Wanda Maximoff, Wanda Maximoff & Vision

Steve finally goes to Wanda’s tiny room and taps on the doorframe, although it’s hardly necessary, with the slightly warped floorboards creaking under his feet. “Hey,” he says. “Got a minute?”

Wanda's been a little withdrawn since Steve broke everyone out of the Raft. She's had a lot to think about.

to you.

Pairings: Pietro Maximoff & Wanda Maximoff, Clint Barton & Wanda Maximoff, Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanov, Wanda Maximoff & Steve Rogers, Wanda Maximoff & Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff & Tony Stark

It's Wanda's birthday today. She's not sure how to feel.

New Love

Pairings: Diana (Wonder Woman) & Steve Rogers

Near the end of World War II, Diana Prince finds herself attempting to reconnect to her long-gone, beloved Steve Trevor. However, she comes across Steve Rogers instead.

Sharing Life (And Canned Green Beans)

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

It’s Thanksgiving, and Steve is hiding in the second living room on the 8th floor of the penthouse apartments with a can of green beans.

I'm Fine

Steve slowly began to realize that the problem with being a national icon, a hero, and a role model, is that somehow, he became more than human. He become a symbol, not a person. So when he becomes increasingly unhappy, deeply depressed, and utterly adrift in a world where he doesn't belong, the loneliness and isolation are unbearable. How could anyone believe that an iconic hero like himself was really just an ordinary kid from Brooklyn, dying inside because everything he'd gained still wasn't enough to replace everything he'd lost? How could he possibly bring himself to bleed on the ones he loves? So he tells himself the same lie over and over, hoping one day, he'll believe it.

dogpile

"My dog ate my mission report" An injured Steve remembers something he has to do. Unabashed Steve and dogs fluff. "Didn't peg you for a pet guy." "Allergies."

Alone In This World (Together)

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov & Sam Wilson

“We’re fugitives,” Steve said finally. “It might never get better.”

“The world’s always going to need saving," Sam replied. "We’re still Avengers. No one can take that away from us.” Then, like they hadn't been having an entire conversation before, “So when do we leave?”

“Once night falls.”

Do we have any idea where she is?”

“No.” Steve took a sip of his coffee. “But I know where she’ll be.”

it gets the worst at night

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

Here's how it goes: Natasha sometimes shares a bed with Steve. It's not what it sounds like.

(In which there are Colombian drug lords, awkward boners, cuddly super-soldiers and the Avengers are all giant dorks.)

Shelter

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

Sam and Steve, right after the fall of SHIELD.

Princely Bickering

Pairings: Jane Foster/Thor, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers & Jane Foster, Steve Rogers & Thor

Steve allows Sam to lean up and inspect his head for bruises and blood. He then checks out Steve’s eyes. ‘Do you know where you are?’ Steve rolls his eyes. ‘Don’t be an ass, Cap, apparently you can break.’ ‘London, England, chasing apparently useless Hydra intel despite having about five hundred international arrest warrants out for us because we’re just that stupid,’ says Steve. Sam pats him - gently - on the shoulder. Life on the run isn't easy, especially not after an injury. Fortunately Steve still has a few allies left.

And The Seconds Tick Down

AU of Civil War. How the world ended in twenty steps when Steve died.

"Grant" and "Francis" Go Shopping

Pairings: Clint Barton & Steve Rogers

Steve and Clint both have holiday shopping to do for their family of choice, so they make a day trip to an outlet mall, have a few heart to hearts, use some coupons, buy a bunch of presents, and eventually get through their shopping lists.

A Tune Without Words

Pairings: Jane Foster/Thor, Steve Rogers & Thor, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

As he and Sam prepare to begin searching for Bucky, Steve gets various offers of help—some more unexpected than others.

Purpose

Tony Stark wins the fight in Siberia completely by accident.

Steve Rogers does not resist his arrest as he is taken to the Raft.

Sam Wilson, T'Challa, and Pepper Potts pick up the pieces.

Full of Wounds and Still Standing on my Feet

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Wanda Maximoff

The five times Steve looked out for Wanda, and one time Wanda decided someone needed to look out for Steve.

Three Awakenings

The first three times that Steve Rogers woke up during his first twenty-four hours in the twenty-first century.

Making Your Own Future

Characters: Steve Rogers, Diana Prince, Steve Trevor Five times -- plus one -- that Diana Prince and Steve Rogers encountered one another.

Better Living Through Pizza

Pairings: Clint Barton & Steve Rogers

Steve takes some time off from soldiering and Avengering to get his head on straight, and Clint is assigned to keep an eye on him, because apparently SHIELD believes in the blind leading the blind. Steve really needs a hobby, since modern television shows baffle him, but Clint keeps bringing him DVDs and pizza.

Five Times Clint Barton Spoke with Steve Rogers about Growing Old and the One Time He Didn't.

Pairings: Clint Barton & Steve Rogers

When Steve Rogers reappeared from the past as an old man, there was a lot of catching up to do. Clint Barton made sure nobody got left behind.

Hammer's Totally Heavy-Handed and Incompetent Revenge

"So, at the end of IM2, Justin Hammer swears revenge on Pepper. He waits until Tony and Rhodey are halfway across the world to launch his attack.

Unfortunately for him, thanks to SHIELD, Iron Man and War Machine aren't the only superheroes in Pepper's rolladex. Steve thinks Pepper's just swell and doesn't take too kindly to somebody trying to hurt her."

Cue badass!Steve and competent!Pepper

Fan Mail

Steve starts getting his fan mail and receives an invitation to the prom. Written for a prompt at the Avengers kink meme. It was a great prompt, and so much fun to write and get feedback for!

Prom. Steve 'Grandpa Iceberg' Rogers at a 21st-century high school prom. "This isn't happening. This whole conversation is just an elaborate practical joke. Bruce really just has orders for widgets or something."

Bruce waved the printouts at him. "Fraid not. I don't really do practical jokes. Messing with other people's moods just seems. I don't know. Karmically unwise."

Mascot

Steve runs. People see Steve run. Steve gets adopted by the neighbourhood he runs through every week day morning. He finds this confusing. Tony finds it amusing.

Locks Not Replaced

Tony angsts back at Avengers' HQ, Ross is a bully and Steve makes sure he doesn't get away with it. In other words, there is much regret, a bit on the philosophy of locks, adventure and far too many Robin Hood metaphors.

woof

For a prompt on the avengers kinkmeme: "...something different happens when Steve gets Dr Erskine's serum plus the Vita ray treatment... Steve does get taller and stronger, but when the first full moon hits, he turns into a big friendly looking dog. Yes, he's a weredog, not a werewolf."

Mission: Baby

Pairings: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

The Asset finds himself in charge of the care of a small baby, but somehow he knows—he has to protect the baby from all harm, whatever the cost.

14 Tracks

Pairings: Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Avengers Team 14 tracks from Steve's iPod and how they got on there.

Life Will Rattle Your Bones

Pairings: Erik Lehnsherr & Steve Rogers

Captain America and the Howling Commandos find Schmidt sooner than they thought... wait, what do you mean this is a *different* Schmidt?

In war-torn Germany, the paths of Steve Rogers and Erik Lehnsherr cross, part, and cross again.

come build me up

Pairings: Sharon Carter & Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

“Do you ever feel like -- like you joined up because you wanted to do good. You wanted to do the right thing but somewhere along the way, you just lost the whole fucking plot.”

“All of the time.”

Or: the one where Captain America and Agent 13 give long distance friendship a whirl.

Down in the Worn Out Place Again

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Wanda Maximoff

“You don't look a day over 85, Captain,” Wanda says.

Natasha smiles, just barely, and nudges Steve with her elbow. “She makes jokes now.”

(Post AoU, stories about friendship.)

Satellites

Characters: Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Tony Stark, Clint Barton, Nick Fury Pairings: Natasha Romanov & Steve Rogers, Minor Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov

In the immediate aftermath of SHIELD's collapse and Steve's plunge into the Potomac, Natasha considers her place in the world. Also the fact that Steve is depressing.

Timeless Classics

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Avengers Team Five An undetermined number of times (six, apparently) Steve unexpectedly got the reference (sort of), and one time everyone discovered something new together.

you just wait and see

Pairings: Rocket Raccoon & Steve Rogers

“Thor said you’re the captain.” Rogers says, his voice distant, sad smile growing into a sadder grin. “Tough job.”

The Small Hours

Pairings: Steve Rogers & T'Challa, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

"I'm not getting him back, am I." The words were flatly delivered – not a question so much as fatigued resignation. "We will do everything we can to help him," T'Challa quietly replied, but he wouldn't lie, not about this. Not to a fellow warrior he respected on and off the field of battle. "The possibility does exist, however, that the triggers are permanent."

The Man We All Remember From the Newsreels

Still getting used to the twenty-first century, Steve comforts himself with memories of long-gone friends. But Howard Stark, the man Steve remembers, is nothing like the man he sees in the newsreels.

we're all choir boys at best

Characters: Steve Rogers, Johnny Storm

You are totally getting laid tonight. "Please stop talking." You hijacked my brain first, this is totally not my fault.

Epistaxis

Steve doesn't worry the first time he gets a bloody nose that won't quit. But when it happens a second, third, fourth... He, and his teammates, start to get concerned.

You Close Your Eyes and the Glory Fades

His body isn’t his own, he knows that, knew before the procedure that everything would change. That was the easiest thing to wrap his head around, actually, the physical changes. He’s used to his body betraying him, so this is just another thing to learn his way around. But the colors of everything, even the sliver of blue sky he could see, craning his head at the tiny window, look different.

Looking For Answers (From The Great Beyond)

After the Battle of New York is over, and Loki and the tesseract are returned to Asgard, Steve takes a road trip across the country, and tries to figure out what he wants to do next.

Mourning the Future

Steve's ties to the past and the future are pretty tenuous, and the serum ensures he lives in an eternal present state of ever-youthful vigour. When an old war buddy gets handed his last marching orders, Steve has to wonder if everyone will eventually leave.

Riviera Life

Sam and Steve have been traversing Europe looking for Bucky. Not everyone is convinced it isn’t an open invitation road trip.

Voluntary Bros.

Characters: Steve Rogers, Johnny Storm

"Dude, you could be twins, they tested you before they defrosted you to see if you were a clone or something, or if he was a clone," Clint said.

"I want to talk to him, I think. I mean, a girl threw her latte at me last week for not calling her back and this dude felt me up at an art gallery yesterday," Steve said.

Two Brooklynites and One Big Apple

Pairings: Miles Morales & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers

“You did good out there today,” Captain America said, brushing a layer of detritus from his unfathomably broad shoulder. “I’ll see you around.”

“Not if I see you first,” replied Miles, fingergunning with one hand as he sent a web rope fwipping off into the distance with the other, catapulting himself away at tremendous speed.

... in which two superheroes battle with bad guys, embark on community art lessons, and a friendship forms along the way.

Battle Fatigue

Steve thought he was doing okay. Things weren't going great, but they were fine, manageable even, and then suddenly they weren't.

We Become New Yorkers (or: Five Times Steve Rogers Looked For Home, and One Time Home Found Him)

New York is a million cities at the same time. This is how Steve found his.

A beautiful day in the neighborhood

In which Steve and Peter learn that the best way to get through a bad situation is together. And to avoid collapsing buildings. And that concussions are terrible, terrible things.

Leviticus 25

"You want to save Bucky Barnes? You are going to have to put your own house in order first because he is going to need a rock to cling to. You are not ready to be that rock for him. You owe it to him -- and more importantly, you owe it to yourself -- to figure things out, figure out how you can be happy in this time and place, whether or not Barnes is with you."

Strike

Sometimes the road to recovery involves bowling. Conveniently, so does the one to the Grand Canyon.

Conversation in Wakanda

“I have been told that you had the privilege to share a training session with some of our Dora Milaje,” T’Challa says. “May I ask how it went?”

“Well,” the Captain huffs. “There’s no polite way to say it: I had my ass handed to me. Repeatedly.”

He sounds and looks utterly delighted.

Contact Light

Everyone thought computers would be the thing that really blew Steve's mind about the 21st century. They were wrong. When he finds out that he missed the moon landing, it's the start of an ongoing obsession with space that maybe involves Neil deGrasse Tyson, Twitter, and Star Trek marathons.

Twenty-Two

“This is Lucky,” Clint said when a dog got between him and Natasha. Lucky’s vest was bright, like desert mornings and night explosions.

“Does he help?” Natasha asked.

Clint pressed his hands flat on the counter behind him. “He saved my life.”

Natasha looked at Steve, her expression fierce. Steve resisted the urge to yank down his sleeves. Instead, he dug his nails into the puckered skin on his forearms.

AKA An AU in which Steve is a veteran just trying to survive (or not).

Gray

Peter doesn't expect Steve to show up at his house one night when he gets home from school. He also doesn't expect to have a long conversation with him, and choose to be on his side instead.

We're Happy, Free, Confused, and Lonely at the Same Time.

"Tony isn't sure, but he *thinks* Steve Rogers is going to try and argue with him about not being a kid, while wrapped up in a fluffy blanket and plaid pyjama pants watching a Disney movie. Tony really hopes that is the case. The Captain America voice looses all affect when wrapped up in that blanket and Tony can't wait to inform him as such." - The one where Tony realises that Captain America and Steve Rogers are not the same person, and Steve is so much younger then he thought.

This Isn't A Love Song, This Isn't A Fable

Steve's not OK with people's perception of Captain America, no matter what he says or how much he pretends otherwise. It's like no one in this time period realizes that there's more to him than a spangly outfit. And yes, he's including the Avengers in that. ... or, the one where everything's all right, until it's not.

it's safe here in our new world

Post TWS. In which Natasha and Steve go shopping, have Thursday night movie nights, and learn that Natasha loves to platonically kiss Steve. Which is good, because Steve loves being platonically kissed by Natasha.

Shadowboxing

Pairings: Matt Murdock & Steve Rogers

It doesn’t matter how many times you fall – what matters most is how many times you get back up. Steve Rogers knew this lesson far too well and it was one Matt Murdock had endured all his life. With both men at their lowest, could a chance friendship bring each of them to their feet again?

Everybody Eats When They Come to My House

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

“You’ll ruin your dinner,” Sam says, gesturing with Steve with his spatula.

i fear for the calendar; its days are numbered

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

Before she goes off the grid, Natasha gives Steve her phone number. He’s honored that he’s the only one to be trusted with it, but quickly learns that she spends most of her free time texting him Dad jokes.

Status Quo Ante

Pairings: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

A tale in which Sam suspects he should be used to this by now, for values of 'this' that involve certain folks he hangs out with and situations he finds himself in, Team Cap becomes Team Ex-Cap becomes TBD, and nobody but Clint really wants to know what happened to Scott Lang's GI Joes. (Sam Wilson from the final scene to the mid-credits scene.)

The Glass Parade

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov

Steve thinks that he’s seen Natasha be at least three different people in the short time he’s known her, and he isn’t sure which one is real.

In which the most confusing part of the future is how much Steve has in common with Natasha, and the fact that she seems dead-set on being his friend.

Still Life

Steve Rogers and a very modern form of art therapy. (The one where Steve draws himself out of despair and into some notoriety when his cartoons hit the internet, but he's still not allowed to look at Tumblr without an okay from Pepper.)

Selective Service

The serum's given Steve a lot, but it hasn't taken anything away from him. Not even the things he never wanted in the first place.

I'm a Hustler, Baby

Steve Rogers has a talent for pool--and for making others believe he's terrible at it.

The Healing Properties of Felt-Tip Pens

Rapid healing has worked wonders on Steve Rogers' body, but occasionally it really screws with his head. In the aftermath of torture, Bruce Banner helps Steve to reconcile mind and body.

If I Die Before I Wake

It's his job, as their leader, to endure the sadistic focus of their captor, and that is the one thought that carries Steve through.

Even Gods Do

Captain America doesn't have a good relationship with sleep anymore. Also, he's not a toy.

Under My Skin

Written for a prompt on avengerkink: I want to see something where, for whatever reason, Steve's accelerated healing turns out to be a bad thing. Something where the faster healing is making things worse. I would prefer something other than the standard, super-healing allows for more torture without death. “He's lucky – to have the serum, to have you all.” Tony wasn't sure about that first part. When one faced death and destruction every day on the job, there were many advantages to having a healing factor...and a great many disadvantages as well.

A Glossary of the 21st Century

Pairings: pre-Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov

Steve's sick of not understanding what's going on, and the team are not all that helpful, so he starts keeping an illustrated notebook for further research. With the help of wiki, google and Logan he starts to settle in and find his place in the twenty-first century.

Blanket Gift Policy

“You didn’t,” Bucky said, with no real hope of being contradicted. Clint shrugged helplessly and passed him the large, soft bundle wrapped in shiny purple foil.

“Sorry.” Tony covered his eyes with one hand.

“I’m getting a migraine.”

“So,” Bruce said wearily, “counting Clint, me, Bucky, Tony, and Sam, that brings it up to five.”

“Excuse you, mine’s not a blanket,” Sam said. “Mine’s a slanket. Big difference.”

Bucky resisted the urge to throw the whole heap of parcels at Sam’s head. “Because it has sleeves? It’s still a blanket, Wilson. They’re all blankets. Even Thor’s direct-from-Asgard raven gift delivery was a cloak, which just means it’s a blanket with a strap. We all got Steve a goddamn blanket.”

One Tin Soldier

Written for a prompt at avengerkink: Because really, under any other circumstances, why would they follow him when he's some guy who's younger than the rest of them (time as a Capsicle aside), who goes around wearing that spangly outfit, who's not even used to the modern world? Why Steve Rogers, rather than a Norse god or the CEO of Stark Industries or anyone else?

“Love is for children,” she'd said, but respect knew no such bounds. The five times the Avengers accepted Steve as their leader, and the one time they followed without question.

and if there's life we'll see it

Steve is instantly taken with this idea of having the picture of the person calling you flash on your screen when they ring your cell.

Secure Your Own Oxygen Mask (Before Assisting Others)

Steve keeps going, because they need him. Being Captain America - having the serum - is a responsibility and a privilege he takes seriously, and he won't waste it by sitting around resting in the middle of a crisis. But then the work is over, and the original victims of the crisis aren't the only ones needing looking after.

Way of the Eagle

Clint introduces Steve to kung-fu movies. Things escalate quickly.

Walking Wounded

In the aftermath of the battle against the Chitauri, Steve's doing just fine. Until he's not. Fortunately, Thor is a perfect mother-hen, Tony makes decent back-up, JARVIS is a genius, and Soap Operas are life-changing. (Or, Post-Shawarma Feels.)

#steve rogers #fic rec #pro steve rogers #i guess i'll tag the ships #samsteve #thundershield

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chanelsebbie · 3 years

Note

Having a poly relationship with Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox?

Poly w/ The Hotties

○Warnings: Smut, language, drug use, suggestive content.

○Masterlist

○A/n: I haven’t written for this king for a FAT min. (You’re short in this btw.)

I’m sorry, but the relationship would revolve around Kells.

His emotions are on hypersensitivity 24/7 so it’s usually up to you and Megan to calm him down. (Literally nobody else can do it but you two)

You and Megan are honestly a dream team.

You will still insist on working a job, even though Colson and Megan’s money combined is enough to fund a small country.

Backstage V.I.P. passes for every single performance of Colson’s if you want them.

You smoke with Kells.

He better give you damn good head if he wants you to do acid with him cause with the acid, he gets is heavy shit.

Megan doesn’t approve of the substance use habits the two of you have developed, but there hasn’t been a bad incident yet, so that was enough for her.

Megan is the ultimate top. It’s kinda like a spectrum. Megan is the most dominant, you’re the most submissive. Colson resides somewhere in that grey area.

You and Kells are like the Terror Twins. You do everything together, legal and illegal. You like reeking havoc on all of L.A.

You and Casie are deadass best friends.

You’re like the big sister she never had and she loves you for it. You’re always out together, spoiling each other with money that isn’t yours :)

Megan makes it a point to join the two of you when she can, but she’s normally pretty busy.

Same with Colson.

But when Colson does get his hands on his two favorite girls, (Megan is his favorite woman, that’s his logic, don’t question it, it’ll make your head hurt), he’ll cuddle both you and Casie while watching movies and it just makes your heart go BOOM.

Your height makes you shorter than both your lovers, so automatically, you are baby. I don’t make the rules.

Sometimes you’ll even wake up to Colson wrapped around you as if you were a teddy bear. Unfortunately for you, he is super needy in the mornings.

“Colson I have to pee.”

“Then hold it. Cause I don’t.”

You eventually wait it out until your squirming in discomfort and then slip away from his arms, but not without him whining like a child.

You three do a lot together, but sometimes Colson and Megan leave for work. Sometimes one of them, worst scenario is both.

You get lonely, so that’s why they don’t let you out of their sights when their home because they missed you and their other partner too.

Luxury vacations are always on the table with them.

Deadass, you’ve seen the world at least 3 times over because of Kells’ tours and just going places to get away.

Okay, okay, now for the ~s m u t~

You are bottom bitch obviously.

BUT THAT’S NOT A BAD THING.

You deadass have the time of your life with these two.

Don’t even get me STARTED on the head that both Megan AND Colson can give. Mf, those people with have your legs trembling.

We been knew Colson has a long schlong.

(and a tight ass-)

They both worship your body if you feel insecure. Will smother you with kisses if they hear you talking bad about yourself.

Megan of course will give Colson attention too cause he’s a little neEDY BITCH-

They treat you with all sorts of new positions.

Megan bought a Kama Sutra book when she was in New York City and y’all haven’t stopped using that book to save your life.

(The book)

Megan won’t admit it but she loves when she’s receiving head more than she does giving.

But the sex is ABSOLUTELY BOMB, lemme tell you-

Their stamina is insane, they can last like 3-4 rounds each.

Bitch, you can’t even breathe by the end of it. You need help standing, that should say enough.

#machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly x reader #machine gun kelly smut #mgk #mgk smut #mgk x reader #colson baker #colson baker x reader #colson baker smut #tickets to my downfall #bloody valentine #megan fox #megan fox x reader #poly #poly headcannon

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peeterparkr · 3 years

Text

perennial;tom holland|eighteen.

chapter eighteen: yellow pansy ↳ flower meanings: thinking of you.

chapter summary: you left a journal in his top drawer. pairing: tom holland x y/n warnings: haha you’re going to HATE ME word count: 11.5K

previous chapter next chapter perennial masterlist.

perfidy ( series masterlist)

it took me ages write this, my writersblock was awful BUT IT’S HERE ! We are missing one more chapter but here it is! I hope you don’t hate me as much as I think you will, I split the ending in two chapters because it was LONG, so expect the final chapter in these days

Please help me out reblogging tags havent been working for me and I know this will flop but I’m really happy I got back into writing

You kept a journal. With flowers printed on them. Each and every single one was given by him. You had recently remembered it, wondering where in your room it could be. Hidden behind some other lost forgotten memories or some other unforgettable mysteries. You wondered if the flowers had kept their color. Most of them hadn’t.

“Well, here goes to the happily ever after,” you said as you smiled, even when the notebook was still roaming your mind.

Tim offered a gentle smile, watching carefully, as the white dress fell down.

When it comes to love stories, happy endings are what we wish for. Life, unfortunately, isn’t like that. But often we are bombarded with stories that are just too good to be true, enough for us to believe this. With them down the sunset on a white horse. With prince charming being charming enough.

With Mister Darcy as the sun is rising telling Elizabeth “You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you.”

With Donna and Sam getting married, and a bunch of friends singing Abba songs.

With Noah and Ally peacefully drifting off, hand in hand.

With Baby and Johnny Castle dancing together.

Characters that are but a reflection of our deepest dreams. Ones that are kept secret and shut for the world. With stories that make us believe we are happy.

It’s fine to shield in. But it’s no good to dwell on them.

We often don’t get what we wish for when we shield in a dream.

You wondered, what about Valerie and William?

Or… Tom and Y/n?

Your own story was supposed to be kept a secret, yet it ended up being a script and then a movie that would be seen by thousands. Your story transformed into a story people could shield on. A story that had been merely sentiments, then words and a very bad misunderstanding and… then a film.

Seeing yourself on someone else might have been what helped you understand it. Transforming your story into characters and trying to portray a love story that was born out of hatred… had probably been the first mistake.

If we can say it was ever a mistake. How big of a mistake can it be when it brings you so much joy?

Your luck hadn’t been enough for your own faith. But you always wondered, what happens after the happily ever after? Is it truly the outcome? When two souls find each other? Isn’t it only the beginning?

Valerie and William hadn’t had it.

The story ended with Valerie and Robbie getting together, it fit. That’s how the story had been driven. Tom and you had discussed it over and over, the story was written for Valerie to end up with Robbie.

“This is a story, y/n, it’s not us.” He had assured you. “We need to disconnect from it.”

And it wasn’t. It wasn’t you. But how much had those characters stolen from you?

How disappointing, but you made the decision along with them.

It had been painful to relive some things, and the changes to the script had been made to soothe the pain.

But they had a happily ever after. Separate ways.

Who would’ve thought you’d be so right?

Films and stories often end when marriage comes, or when the couple finally gets together, the happily ever after. You barely believed it was the ending.

Because the real journey began with it. Doesn’t it? Isn't the true adventure when they find each other?

When something goes wrong, though, it means the journey isn’t over. The happily ever after is the ending isn’t it? Isn’t the story over until after they’re happily ever after?

Love, though it might be one of the most precious things, often comes with a heartbreak. A tragedy. It didn't hurt this time, though.

But love, when it’s real, doesn’t seem like a loss even if it ends. Because, isn’t it the ending when they finally are together? If we follow that rule, that the ending is when they’re together then it wasn’t the ending.

Or was it?

You couldn’t help but wonder, however…What if you lived a lie? Just a fairy tale that wasn’t supposed to have a happily ever after.

Though the script was far from reality, you felt like your own story was twisted. Why weren’t you in your ‘happily ever after’?

Maybe the side story was yours. Because you were not the princess about to walk into the sunset.

“I really love the dress,” Tim commented.

You did too, but it had you wondering about happily ever after?

What happens to them after the credit rolls? What happens to the characters when the last page ends? Are those characters strong enough to keep together? Are their stories just dried out? Like flowers. Easily forgotten in a journal hidden in your room.

A bouquet that once served as a beautiful symbol now was scattered on top of the shelf, as a few petals fell down.

Flowers dry out.

“Yes, magnificent,” you answered.

The dress made you remember the day you thought it would last forever. That Tom and you would have that ever after. That it wouldn’t dry out.

Tom had only looked up at you, sitting finally on a director chair and he had smiled. Gently. Caring.

And that thought came to your mind. “I hope this lasts forever.”

And for a moment you thought it could. Maybe it was the endless smiles or the constant yellow flowers adorning your room that would end up on your journal.

But nothing ever does last forever. Not the good things. Not pancakes, or ice cream, or street hot dogs. Moments don’t last forever, that’s why you have to grasp to them.

And there was a point at which you knew, you knew it wouldn’t last forever. Because the film continues.

However, you liked to think that love was like a flower. One that grows. Not one that is cut to be given. A perennial one. One that blooms, and continues to bloom when it’s taken care of. But perennial flowers don’t bloom all the time.

A flower can’t bloom for eternity. And a cut flower will not preserve.

In stories and films, we know detail by detail. From the very first word, to the last breath. But when it comes to your own, you often forget what is important. We barely stop to see, and suddenly, life escapes from your hands and you’re stuck in a moment and you can’t get out.

Before you know it, all you’re left with is a script and a movie you can’t bear to watch because it brings too many memories. But good ones, that is. Mostly good.

Before you know it, you have a box with his stuff, and you’re texting to see when you have to drop them off. And before you know it, he is standing there, and you’re hoping he will beg for one last time because you will give it, but he never does, and stays quiet. Too quiet.

Not every love is perennial. Not every love is meant to bloom again.

Perennial flowers, when they bloom, are the most wonderful. But when they’re away, the skies are gray.

But somehow, we go through it. At least you tried to.

The ‘what if’ comes as something complicated. No pillow talks would’ve helped your case, it seemed like any smiles were now hidden under the bed.

It’s needless to say and regard the multiple emotions that had gone by in the relationship, that week it started or that month it finished. That year, if we are honest. That whole year of your relationship. And you had to look back at it. For it all started in a breakup, that had opened the door to be with the love of your life. It all started with a revenge.

It was weird to see it. How a year before you dated Tom, you would have gone with Tim. How you had expected it, how you thought Tim was the endgame. How that year Harry had asked if you would marry Tim and you’d answered that maybe you would.

How at some point you had considered it again. How you even considered Harry. But Tim.

Had Tim waited for a little bit longer, maybe things would’ve turned out quite different. You were thankful he hadn’t. Tim and you were a lesson to each other. Tim had shown you you can be loved and you had shown Tim he can love. Tim and you were fine now, he had found a girl. Lily. Her name was Lily. Purity. Rebirth.

Because, although it had seemed that Tim had died a little with your last conversation before officially letting him go, he had seen himself shine again. How surprising, her name was Lily. Such a coincidence.

Lily, a girl that could easily be passed by. Yet Tim had stopped to see her.

Tim and you would never share what you both said in that conversation. The last flower he had given you was a daisy. A secret between two friends.

Cherry and you went back to what you were before, strangers to each other. But she’d found a girl, by luck. Heather. She was happy now. Happiest.

A year had gone by. Many things had changed. Mostly you, and though you would look back to your past self and warn her that another heartbreak by Tom would be coming, you wouldn’t change it.

A breakup had opened many doors.

Maybe this one would too.

It was bound to come. How on earth were you supposed to grow flowers on a battlefield? But you’d built it together.

And you had. And everything was good, with sunsets and polaroids, and flowers. And fights that would cycle and cyle. But end up cuddling watching reruns of an old 80’s tv show that you barely watched because you were too busy staring into his eyes.

With old fights that would resurface and other secrets that kept chasing you both. But it was good, when you were trying to get the garden back into place, to try and forget the battlefield. Loving him had come so easily, though. Waking up by his side was taken for granted.

You had thought loving him would be a buzzing street, with crowds bustling as the rain is about to begin. You thought loving him would be a Friday night waiting for someone to show up but never did.

You were wrong.

Loving him was walking through a flower field, and taking a Polaroid of the most beautiful sunset. Loving him meant holding his hand and kissing over and over again.

But loving him meant that the sun eventually would set.

And maybe the heartbreak that had come with this one hadn’t been an actual heartbreak and maybe that’s why it hurt. Because it didn’t.

Maybe you’d forged a heartbreak or a relationship. Maybe that had been it, conning yourselves into believing you were fine when you were far from it.

Looking back maybe it was because of Rome, New York, and eventually LA. Cities that you once said you wouldn’t dare to go back to. But now you are willing to visit. Happily, it’s better to walk in a city full of memories rather than one pointless illusion of the memories you could’ve had.

He had gone to New York, and still took his Polaroid everywhere. A habit you loved about him, it seemed he became an expert on holding onto memories.

The breakup had come after James’ wedding. Lovely wedding, by the way. Fairytale full of wonder. A year ago, shortly after the film had premiered, a year after it finished filming.

It was supposed to come. Because when your own brother was finding his way, you had lost yours.

But what happened? When did life slip in? When did it start ending?

Before you knew it, you had packed your stuff without you being aware of it. You had packed everything up, except your own heart. You left your heart right there, right next to that stupid journal, in his upper drawer, right next to his bed. Had he opened that drawer ever since or had he forgotten about it?

There was your journal, not in your room. In his. And he hadn’t given it back.That’s why you felt lost. Your heart was imprinted there and he hadn’t given it back.

But you had packed everything else, with him not even trying to stop you. Just watching you circle around.

Was it fear? Maybe it had been fear, from both. You supposed that’s how life was. Loving was not a duty.

You only had one request for him, one last request: “Remember me, I was the one to love you, and I was the one to call in the middle of the night when you couldn’t sleep. Just remember me when we’re no longer here.”

Because it hadn’t been your fault, your life just slipped in. Distance. No time for calls. Your job getting too much recognition, his job getting even more. Fights that were only to push each other away so it wouldn’t hurt when you both were away. Maybe being enemies had come useful when it was supposed to end.

Fight, and more fights in the end. Yet you were gripping each other. And life had just slipped in. Like it always does.

And it wasn’t him. And it wasn’t you.

“Tell me you actually want it to end,” he had asked when you had the final box.

You didn’t. But there wasn’t much you could do, expect walk out the doors.

Or was there? But even if it was a breakup, you both agreed to remain friends, and then it transformed into little excuses to see each other.

Because it didn’t end up badly. It had been life slipping in. With barely having any time for something that needed too much time to build on.

Filming initially had helped you, how beautiful it was creating it, what a beautiful outcome it had been out of your heartbreak. With music, and fights and everything that was splendid.

Maybe the film wasn’t a huge success, but it had been enough for you both to try and mend it after.

But when filming had ended and you had to go back, that’s when the problems started. His job, your new one. Him there, you here. When you were together, it was amazing, worth it. But then you barely could. And you could barely grip each other.

Then you were too different. Then you were just the same, so stubborn and stupid.

Then it was old arguments, and new ones.

When was it gone? Had he stopped loving you?

He had asked you, near the end. “Do you still love me? Are we still enough?”

“I do love you.” But you hadn’t answered the second question. And what was it? Why wasn’t it? “Why wouldn’t we?” you had questioned.

“Dunno, it’s delicate.”

It was.

Maybe it had been James’ words for Clark. About how love shouldn’t be forced, how love should be simple and love shouldn’t be hurt. About how they built it together. How it wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t complicated.

And then Clark had said it, too. How he loved being with someone that he enjoyed silence with. How love was more than passion. How love was more than a kiss. Seeing how simple it had been for them, was a bit disappointing for you both. Your relationship was anything but simple.

And it wasn't now because you didn’t trust each other, or because you wanted to fight. No, it simply was life telling you, you shouldn’t be together. And maybe it was also the fact that you both thought you worked because you had never experienced silence together. Always a wreck. Always a mess. Always so passionate. But… was it only that? Maybe it was the passion of the moment.

You knew Tom still played the conversation with Tim over and over in his head. How by the end he said he felt guilty by it all.

You too, you were both driven by guilt and guilt eventually snaps you.

So it ended.

“Is it too soon to end this?” You had asked him.

Tom had shrugged. “Would you rather it be late?”

But that didn’t mean you… had to stop seeing each other. Or did it? So you based your new relationship on excuses. And the excuses had grown. ‘I need to give you this hoodie’, ‘I forgot my charger at your place’ ‘I need someone to drive me to do errands’, ‘I need help running lines’, ‘I need a date for this party.’

And then they didn’t even make sense. ‘I can’t open a jar’ ‘I can’t watch this movie alone’ ‘I need to rant about the ending of this series’ ‘I sneezed and no one blessed me’. Stupid things. And then it was the truth ‘I need to listen to your voice’. ‘I miss you’. ‘I want to see you’.

But it was only seeing each other, with no… relationship. No kissing, no anything. Only excuses. A… friendship.

True friendship, for the first time ever. And you could talk for hours with him until the sun came out, and you could laugh with him.

Maybe it hurt that it wasn’t more, but maybe it was never meant to be like that. But you were in a good place. In the best place you had been. The strongest you had both been, too. How civil you were with clothes on. And how many times had you stopped your will to undress him.

Your lips searched for his but they never got what they wanted, your hands hurt from keeping them to yourself, and your heart would only ache a bit.

From both sides.

Seemed that both of you knew what you had to build up on. And maybe you both knew the risk that would come if you were willing to give it a try without having something to settle on.

Maybe that’s why it didn’t hurt. Because it would bloom again, right? Maybe you were preparing the dirt to plant it in. Not loose flowers now. Have seeds.

Or that’s the idea you built yourself into. Because honestly. Had you ever been more than enemies with benefits?

But now, you were friends. Good friends. Maybe you were in love with him, and grown fonder of him now. Really, really in love. But friends. Friends who stared a little bit too much into each other’s eyes, or friends who would easily recognize each other’s laughter. Friends who would have their feet up the headboard and talk about life. Friends who instinctively would give the other a bite of their food or offer a sip of their drink.

Friends who would take a deep breath each time the other walked into the room, and friends who avoided getting too close that it would be mistaken for something else. Secret moments. Standing on the other sides of the room, turning your head away each time your eyes met.

Maybe you didn’t get the happy ending you wished for, or not the one you had expected to.

But you were happy. And it had ended. Those things were unrelated.

But a lot had changed.

Ay first, you had to fight the urge to undress him. Now you had to fight the urge to stare too long into his smile.

Really, a lot had changed.

Tom had started dating someone else, you didn’t know how long that lasted. You had pretended not to care, although you did.

You went out on dates, too. Didn’t inform him, either. Not explicitly. Though he did know.

Because you were friends. That was the happy ending you deserved.

A lot had changed.

And you were currently helping a bride tie that bow in her dress as she stared at her reflection. Her hair hung to her shoulders and half of it was tied with perfect braids. She was finally having her happy ending.

“Are you ready for the veil?” Timmy asked, as he watched the reflection of the bride.

“Can you give me a bloody second, Timothée?” Emma snapped with her usual tone. “I’m fucking busy right now, the veil can wait, don’t be a dick.”

You only held your laughter eyeing Tim. Tim and you had stopped looking at each other like you felt guilty for a while now. Tom’s jealousy had not exactly been driven away, you guessed it never would go.

But surprisingly enough, they became...friends. Or they could stand each other now after James had talked to both of them.

James and the married life that seemed to suit him. His wedding had been very small, but charming nonetheless. You wondered if you would’ve had something like that, very personal.

Quite a different story from Emma and Harry now. Whose love had conquered. And they had had a rough patch but how difficult can it be when you find your soulmate?

Maybe Harry and Emma had Tom and you doubting too. Tom and you had seen several times that you were not meant to be. Your coincidences in life had not been so, rarely coincidences but the both of you fighting for something. Too stubborn to admit that life was getting in the way.

Tom and you had all the odds in your favor and the ones to fuck it up were you both.

While Harry and Emma always had everything against them and they managed to work it out.

Who’re the soulmates here?

“What a lovely thing the blushing bride is, eh?” Tim rolled his eyes.

Emma had been… quite the bride. Everything had to be perfect, which was not likely for Emma to be that way. But she did say it, since she was marrying the love of her life it had to be big enough. In a rustic hotel, full of books and vintage furniture. A very cottage-like wedding. Very Emma and Harry. Unique.

It was perfect.

It had to, honestly. After the crossroads… everything had changed for them.

How Emma and Harry got back together was no mystery, Harry had been brave enough to go for her. When two souls are meant to be even the rockiest path will be easy to travel by.

It was the opposite of what you and Tom used to have. Emma and Harry had all the friendship, relationship settled, they just missed… the passion.

And so when they found each other, and were like two horny teenagers running around, it became...so effortless. Because they had something built upon.

As if life was rewarding them for their patience. For the love they shared. For each and every smile.

Both wild flowers, Often disregarded, had found each other, and created the most beautiful bouquet.

You only chuckled at Tim’s remark. “Splendid bride.”

While you and Tom had never been friends. Only too driven by the other, and passion and… when it ended? What were you? Were you merely nightly romance?

Tim groaned. “Emma—“he raised the veil. “I’m not trying to—I just think you should be wearing this already.”

“Shut up,” Emma granted. “I will but right now I’m—“

“Staring at your reflection?” Tim challenged. Because Emma was actually just doing that. Staring at the perfect dress she was wearing. Shining brightly like a diamond against the sun, her skin perfectly sparkled.

Emma looked for your glance in the mirror,”y/n, love.”

“Yes?”

“As my maid of honor, what are you willing to do?”

You offered her a grin, “Anything.”

Emma stared into your eyes. “Kill Timothée.”

You chuckled, “Almost anything, you should’ve asked earlier. I don’t want to get blood in my dress.”

Tim was surprised by your words. “So you would’ve?”

“Possibly, I don’t want to encounter a bridezilla Emma.”

Timmy threw his hands in the air. “I just want to help.”

“Well, don’t,” Emma and you said at the same time.

“I’m going to check on the guys, I am one hundredth percent sure they’re still in their pj’s drinking beer,” You commented.

The hotel room for the boy’s was only a floor below. It was everything Harry and Emma had probably wished for. An outdoor wedding that was planned to the very perfection. Very fairytale like. Lights hanging from trees, flower petals covering the aisle, daisies as the centerpieces, and daisies in Emma’s hands. Emma’s dream had always been an outdoor wedding.

When speaking with Emma and Harry both had stated that they made the decision not to give up. Always leaving you to wonder.

There was a part of you that was blinded by desirous thoughts. Had it been a mistake? To conclude a relationship that you had fought so long for?

Lately it had been.

You made your way to the elevator and as it opened you found a familiar face. He seemed uneasy, though.

“Y/N!” His voice was only a confirmation to his precarious state.

Your cheeks furrowed as you smiled, “Clark, hi!”

“Y/N,” he greeted you with a hug, a very nervous hug. as you stepped into the elevator. “Fuck, you look stunning. Loving the flowers on the hair.”

The dress was absolutely stunning, you had to give in that Emma’s taste was remarkable. Sky blue had been her color choice, to match with the flowers. Daisies and hydrangeas. Innocence and beauty.

It was ironic, a bit. You’d helped her with the flowers, and initially she had like sunflowers. As if it had been sntached from you. Maybe it was destiny laughing in your face. Yet she’d gone for the delicate hydrangeas.

“Thanks, Emma’s idea,” you grinned. “Where are you—“

“Oh eh, with the other boys,” he said as you pressed the button. He was shaking.

“So, what’s got you all flustered?” You questioned.

You could see Clark sweating. “Hm?”

“What’s got you all flustered?” You questioned, again.

He didn’t give you an answer. “Clark?”

Clark bit his lip. It was never usual for Clark to be anxious or to hide thoughts for himself. The man was always certain of his thoughts and actions. There was probably a calamity waiting for you.

“I—I am only the messenger,” he said, “I was actually looking for—Tim but—“

There it was. “But?”

“I think you might be of more help,” Clark admitted.

“Clark?” Your brows furrowed as the elevator door opened. He only offered a nervous smile as he licked his lips.

You saw Tom at the end of the hallway, on a call, shirt buttoned half way, his other hand running through his hair, he looked troubled. You were hoping his eyes would meet yours. Ever since the wedding was approaching he had been inattentive. Maybe the wedding hurt as much. It had been so hard for him to switch from lovers to friends. Did he ever stop and wonder if you guys could’ve had one? Did Tom also hindered with painful thoughts of how everything had so carelessly ended?

Lately it was all you had in your mind, how you felt ready. Or maybe it was the pressure that the wedding was giving you. And just as you started getting closer, Tom had backed away without a warning.

James was just getting out of the room, mid hallway. Your brother seemed to be as stressed. The tie around his neck barely covering it, his hair was scrunched. James’ eyes crossed with yours and then went straight to his husband’s.

“You brought y/n?” James pinched the bridge of his nose. “Ah, fuck it,” he looked at his watch. “Yes, you might be more helpful,” James said as he gestured with his hand to come over.

There was clearly something going on. You eyed Tom, who still was not aware you were there.

“I—Sam, no, no, I’ll—I can’t stay here, fuck I have his phone here—“You heard him say before James had dragged you into the room.

You approached your brother. “What is going on?”

“We—couldn’t find Harry’s tie,” James explained.

A tie? This was all of it? This whole catastrophe was for a tie?

“Can't any of you give him yours?” You frowned. It was no surprise that they hadn’t come up with a solution to such a simple problem, you could not expect less from men.

James rolled his eyes. “So he went to search for it about an hour ago but he fucking left his phone here and—“

Then you understood what was going on. “Where’s Harry?” You closed your eyes.

James gulped. “That’s—the thing.”

“Where is Harry?” You questioned, again.

Clark cleared his throat. “We don’t—know.”

Oh, so you were fucked. “Whose stupid idea was—?”

“Well, Dad told me he left home about 40 minutes ago and he didn’t see him at home, Sam hasn’t found him—Their fucking twin telepathy thing is broken, I guess—“Tom had walked in staring at his phone, loudly explaining his previous conversation. “Oh—hi, y/n.”

“Hi.” It was rutinary, for both of you. To just—stop when the other walked into a room. You blushed. Only noticing until then how handsome he looked. Seemed you hadn’t realized how badly you wanted him. In the most innocent way, in the way that you only wanted to offer him your heart. In the way that you only wanted the sole confirmation that he still loved you. In the way you wanted to be the reason for his smile.

You wanted to ask him, if it was okay he was still on your mind. Was it wrong? Would he be chill with him visiting your dreams?

Because that had been the hardest part of it all. At some point you had both decided you needed to move on… Because both of you at the beginning were trying to get back together and after a long conversation that almost led to one kiss, you both decided it wasn’t appropriate. So pretending you didn’t love each other was the way you’d keep him, for whatever it was worth.

Tom had said it once, hadn’t he? How everytime you both stated your feelings… it hurt. So now that you weren’t stating them, you were supposed to not hurt. Why did it, then?

“You look—stunning,” he eyed you up and down, and licked his lips, “I—I’m sorry I didn’t-uh-call this morning-I was—“

“You look pretty, too,” you interrupted. Knowing that the missed call would be a subject for James’ interest. The short story was—you had probably had a few more drinks than you should’ve with him at the hotel bar with Clark and James and Tom had walked you to your room, only walking, not even a kiss on the cheek as much as you had wanted it, but he had promised to call in the morning after you had claimed he had been ignoring you. He hadn’t called.

And was aware of it, which meant he hadn’t forgotten. It meant he had avoided you, again.

It had seemed that from one morning to another Tom had decided that the word friends meant strangers.

Maybe he wouldn’t pay a visit to your dreams.

He reached for your hair, “I like the flowers—”

“Can you both leave your ‘in love but not together’ bullshit for later?” James snapped you both out of the trance. “The wedding is in two hours and the fucking groom is no where in sight.”

Both Tom and you turned to him, travelling back to reality. “Well it’s not my fault! Who—sent him? Why didn’t you guys offer to go for the stupid tie?” You snapped back at your brother.

Tom looked away.

Of course. You watched him. “Tom? How do you plead?”

“Guilty,” he admitted.

You took a deep breath. This was definitely not the scenario you wanted to find yourself in. Had… Harry escaped? It was… not likely to escape but then again, you’d learned not to expect anything.

It was reason enough to worry.

“I wouldn’t jump to conclusions,” Tom said.

James sighed. “He took my car and—“

“You gave him your car to escape—!” You snapped. “Your car always stops working!”

“No,to go for his tie, not to escape,” Tom snapped his fingers with a smile defending your brother. “We-”

“Thomas oh my god, I am not even- All of you, you all thought it was a good idea?” You were furious now. Whose stupid idea was it to-Of course it had been Tom’s. You were going to jump to conclusions. “To send the groom when any of you could have gone-?”

You didn’t want to jump to conclusions.

You really didn’t, however it was ineluctable. Not because Harry didn’t love Emma, but because Harry was… scared. You didn’t blame him. True love comes barely once in a thousand lifetimes and when we finally get to it, it might be too much for us to handle. However after your conversations with Harry this cataclystic outcome had not been foreseen.

“My dad is around the hotel trying to find him,” Tom quickly answered.

You took a deep breath. You perfectly knew Harry.

Harry and you were close as you had once been, in a way, Harry and you were well apprised of the other. Harry was reasonable enough not to leave his wedding.

“He offered to go,” James explained.

Harry wouldn’t have offered that unless he needed to go away. And you only needed one confirmation, there was no way Harry would’ve forgotten his tie. Harry would’ve never forgotten it, unless it had been self sabotaged.

You were conveyed to the drawers, opened each one carefully, fearing you’d find it, and your gut had been right. there it was. The tie in all of its splendor. “And you let him go?” You asked, taking the tie and swinging it to them. “To search for this tie?”

“Yes,” James closed his eyes. “Fuck. We should’ve known.”

Your eyes crossed with Tom’s and then you then realized it, Tom seemed calm. Tom wasn’t freaking out. Not externally. You weren’t sure if he really wasn’t or if it was the usual wall you both build around the other. Incomprehensible it seemed now. Always keeping it cool, So many things you’ve lived and you had let them go oh so easily?

But you were flawed. You had been. But not now, what was stopping you both? Wasn’t he still the one holding your broken heart in the palm of his hand? Had he not borrowed it?

You were still trying to hold his.

But your mind shouldn’t be worried about your relationship with Tom when the groom was nowhere to be found. When he had lied that he lost his tie and it was right in that drawer.

Yet, you somehow knew there was something… Something there.

“He was supposed to go home then?” You questioned Tom.

Tom was getting anxious by the second. “Yes, so we can go look for him.”

“The two of you?” James interrupted.

“Yes the two of us, we could split and look for him but...” Tom said. “Someone has to stay here.”

James was slightly annoyed, you could tell. But James was often annoyed at you and Tom. James had been the most disappointed about the resulting relationship. Honestly, everybody was disappointed. Had you been cowards for giving up?

So much drama and for what?

“Of course you’d think splitting up is a good idea,” James snapped with poison. James was annoyed because he always pointed it out to you, how much you’d fought to have him and how easily you’d walked out.

Walking out had not been easy. Walking out had to be the most painful decision you’ve ever made. And you remembered that night you had, the city was asleep, the night was quiet, and you were the only one standing on that street, under that streetlight. Alone. He hadn’t gone to you. You’d looked back to his window, expecting him to be there, and then the door had remained closed.

You cleared your throat. “I might know where Harry is,” you lied. You were at a loss of your mind at the moment. Maybe it was shock. Not maybe, it certainly was shock. The sole thought of Harry not appearing at his own wedding had not ever crossed your mind. You’d thought Emma would’ve. Would’ve been in character, but how stupid do you have to be to run from your wedding on your wedding day?

Tom directed a glance. “I think I might know where he is, too.”

Did he? Or was he only trying to prove a point?

Though the friendship was afloat, some habits could never wear out. Especially when it came to challenging the other. After the breakup it had become a sort of competition of who was dealing better with it.

Neither of you were coping well, but you wouldn’t admit it.

How disappointing, isn’t it? A whole story to end just in a few words. A whole journey to be plucked off your hands. So quickly, so easily.

How ironic it seemed that after such a long time, it was this breaking up bullshit.

James watched between the both of you. “Do you really?”

“Yes,” Tom and you answered and panicked at the other’s statement.

“Well, I’ll race you there,” you challenged.

Tom squinted, “I don’t have my car, dad gave me a ride.”

“Well, then, you should start running so I don’t beat you there,” you grinned and then walked off the room, decidingly. Only thing left was knowing where exactly Harry had run to.

“This isn’t a fucking game, y/n!” James reminded you. “We need to find Harry.”

“I know, Jamesy!”

Tom had rushed after you, “You have no idea where he is, do you?” He mumbled.

“Not a clue,” you admitted. “You?”

He laughed, “Not a fucking clue, either.”

You both got into the elevator. He dug his hands into his pockets.

“Do you think he escaped?” Tom questioned.

“It’s possible,” you admitted. You sighed, as you pressed the button to the upper floor.

“What are you doing?” Tom asked.

“I need my keys,” You said.

Tom’s eyes widened. “And are you telling Emma?” He was panicking.

“Of course!” You gave him the widest beam. “She’ll be delighted!”

“What?”

You jokingly slapped his head. “Of course not, idiot! How the fuck am I supposed to tell her? What would I even tell her? Hey! We can’t find Harry! He might have run off! No!”

“Right. Then what’s the alibi?” Tom asked. “Just showing up and leaving?”

You sighed, “You, you will be my alibi.”

Tom blinked but followed after you when the elevator door finally left you at your floor, you rushed to the room, but stopped in front of it, buttoning Tom up. He watched you with confusion.

“I thought I was your alibi,” he smirked.

You rolled your eyes, “Not that kind of alibi, dipshit.“

Helaughed, rolling his eyes and avoiding your gaze. “Yeah, it’s been a while since that could be the alibi.”

You decided to ignore the statement, “Now, when I walk in, if you hear Emma question me—just call me and try rushing me.”

“Alright, but I think we need a solid alibi, y/n,” Tom pushed.

You rolled your eyes, “I’ll take care of that,” you confirmed and opened the door where you were welcomed by Timmy, who was about to go out.

“Oh, hey,” Tim greeted and then eyed Tom. “Thomas.”

“Timothée,” Tom nodded his head.

Even when they both presumed to be friends, you knew that Tim and Tom would always have some sort of… disagreement.

“Uh, I was about to… go see Lily,” Tim explained, turning back to you. “Mind staying with Emma-? Her mother is on one last minute arrangements, it might rain so they’re trying to figure out what to do-So if you could—“

“Actually,” you cleared your throat. “An emergency came up, so I need you to stay here, maybe tell Lily to come here?”

Tim frowned. “What emergency?”

“We’re taking care of it,” Tom explained as you rushed in looking for your purse. “We’ll be quick,” he added. “Nothing to worry about.”

“Y/N, babe, you’re back!” Emma commented.

You squinted your eyes closed, “And I’m leaving—sorry, I need to uh—It will be quick I promise there’s an issue with—there’s an emergency—“

Emma was nervous, “y/n? Everything okay? Did something happen to the flowers?”

You couldn’t lie to her, but you could omit the truth. “No, everything okay with the flowers—I promise I’ll be here quickly, I’m just going to—“

“Y/N, darling?” You heard Tom outside. “We need to go, now.”

Emma heard and then she was no longer going to question you. Not right now, at least. “Ah,” Emma said, knowingly as she rolled her eyes. “I see, Tom— an emergency with Tom.”

“I promise it’s not like that,” you assured her. “But everything is okay and— I’ll be here in time.”

“I am freaking out, do you see the sky? It’s grey! Fucking grey! I need to stop the rain!” Emma yelled. “What if it’s a bloody sign? Fuck, I need to talk to Harry, I need him-”

You freaked out by then. “No, Emma, calm down, it’ll be okay, we will figure something out!”

“Y/N! Please!” Tom called in again.

Emma watched you, “I swear to god, y/n, if your emergency is fucking that man I will murder you.” “Trust me, it’s not.”

Emma glared, “Y/N, I’ll only say it one more time. If you’re leaving my wedding to have sex with that hunk, I will kill you.”

You shook your head. “I’m… Trying to figure out what to do with the rain, okay? Leave this ro me! I’ll see you in a bit, Emma!” You ran back out.

You saw Tom’s mother walking down the hallway, she offered you a concerned look.

Tom seemed calm enough for Tim, however, who was watching him with curiosity. You were thankful that they avoided conversing with each other, especially because Tom would probably screw up the alibi. One that you didn’t have. But probably Tim had bought it, even if he had yet to hear what the alibi was. However, you knew that Tom’s presence was a solid alibi for rather than anything else.

Tom had been an alibi for your nerves. You knew that Tim wouldn’t question why you were nervous because he knew you were always nervous when Tom was around. You certainly looked flustered and having Tom there would definitely explain why you were jittery.

Tim raised his brows at you, and you only took Tom’s hand in an attempt to drag him back to the elevator. Tim was explicitly confused.

“Ah, Nikki! I’m so glad you’re here, Emma is finishing up, would you mind helping her?” Your voice was coming out slightly coarse.

The woman gulped, “are Tom and you taking care of the...rain issue?” She questioned.

“Yes, ma’,” Tom quickly nodded, “we will… find the rain.”

Some things never change, Tom was still an idiot. And for being an actor how terrible was he at lying.

“Find?” Tim questioned.

“Nothing to worry about, Tim darling,” Nikki stepped into the room, trying to push Timothee back inside, “they are taking care of it and they should go look at it, right now, chop chop!”

“See you in a bit, Tim!” You said as you ran to the elevator as Nikki closed the door, you finally were able to let go of Tom’s hand.

He cleared his throat as he pressed the button, “So what was the alibi?” Tom second glanced at you. “Why would we take care of the rain?”

“Because it got lost,” you shrugged. “Why else would we find it.”

He closed his eyes as you both walked into the elevator. “I’m an idiot.”

“Biggest one.”

He chuckled, “I—uh, heard Emma’s comment. About her thinking we were going to-”

You blushed, “Yeah.”

Big distance between both of you. Never ever close enough to accidentally brush against each other or hands coincidentally touching.

How different it was from the elevator in New York.

Tom cleared his throat. “Good to know where she stands in that subject.”

You shrugged, “I would also get mad if my best friend ditched me at my wedding to have sex with an idiot.”

He smirked rolling his eyes. “I believe the term she used was hunk.”

You ignored the comment.

“Why didn’t Timothee question us?” Tom asked.

You shrugged, “Haven’t you noticed that no one questions us?”

Tom furrowed his brows. “How so?”

“Whenever we are together, they never ask anything, they just let us be,” you admitted. Because everyone was waiting for you both to get back together or everyone expected something more from you. You never gave it to them.

He tilted his head slightly, agreeing with you. “I guess they think they’re going to make things awkward.”

No. People let you be because they wanted you to solve it.

“As if they could be,” you chuckled. “I think that’s the best part of us right now, people just don’t… meddle.”

Tom smiled, “I guess.”

You cleared your throat, “Now, where the fuck do you reckon Harry is?” You asked as you reached the lobby, turning back to what actually mattered.

“Honestly, I have no idea, nothing can come to my mind, it’s just… Not likely from Harry to run away,” Tom said. “Like—Me? Definitely. I would’ve—“

“Yes, you’d definitely run,” you nodded as you jingled the keys. Tom asked for the car at the valet.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Tom questioned.

“You’d definitely escape from your own wedding,” you chuckled. “You’re so afraid of commitment. It’s the Gemini in you.”

He opened his mouth with pride, “excuse me? Me the one afraid of commitment? May I remind you of your past, my lady?”

You avoided his gaze. “You may not.”

“Said no to a proposal, poor Timothee,” Tom started with a smirk.

“Okay that’s—“You cleared your throat, chuckling slightly. “You shouldn’t—“

“Then—Then,you faked a relationship.”

You eyed him, “are we really going to touch that subject, again?”

“You were scared of commitment enough to fake one,” he joked.

You could joke about it now. Or he could. You’d never joke about it.

“Or I knew you wouldn’t commit so I had to fake I didn’t want it,” you smugly answered.

He faked annoyance. “Well, you ran to another country, yes, just after confessing your lovely feelings through a letter—“

“That’s…different.”

“Then you didn’t give me an answer—you didn’t know if you wanted to date me,” he recalled.

You scoffed, “Thomas, may I remind you why I didn’t want to date you?”

“Then you called it quits after seeing your brother getting married and you were scared we were heading there too,” Tom said.

You gulped, “Ah, yes that last one wasn’t me—“ you reminded him. “Not entirely.”

Tom licked his lips. “Maybe we are both afraid of commitment.”

“No,” you nudged him. “I wasn’t.”

“I wasn’t either.”

There was a sudden silence. You’d barely talked about it before. As if the relationship had suddenly disappeared.

You hadn’t talked about the breakup once in months.

“I would say we are at a crossroads but,” he shrugged. “I do not believe that commitment was the reason for—“

“Nope,” you gave in. “It was not.”

Because it wasn’t, maybe it was the fact you were both too committed to a relationship without form.

“However—you did—“Tom cleared his throat. “I mean—we were headed in some sort of direction.”

“Thomas, I don’t think now is the time to have the conversation we haven’t had.”

“So we should keep pushing it, then? Pretending we are both fine with this agreement? Lately we don’t seem fine with it.”

You knew he was right. Neither of you were entirely happy with this whole new friendship thing. “I—maybe we can talk about it when we find Harry!”

Tom pursed his lips, “so you do want to talk about it?”

You took a deep breath, “Thomas, we can push aside that conversation but we cannot push aside the fact your brother is nowhere to be found on his wedding day.”

“Fine.”

“Besides I think if we’ve pushed it long enough—“

He laughed. “We are—particularly calm about that subject.”

“I don’t think we are,” you admitted. “We just like to pretend when we are calm around each other.”

Tom clicked his tongue, “Maybe. But I’m—We haven’t talked about that in a while.”

“And it’s not the moment right now, it’s your brother’s wedding, and he is nowhere to be found,” you repeated.

Tom’s smile faded and was overstrung again. The car was there.

You let him drive, he usually drove your car. Another habit that hadn’t worn out.

Now things weren’t calm, as if the sudden rush had become the both of you. You finally got it, the anxiety that should’ve come from hearing it. The anger and despair that you were supposed to feel from Harry running away.

He looked down, “what’s that?” He pointed at the cup on the cup holder.

“Coffee, from yesterday,” you explained. “Didn’t finish it.”

“You think I could die from that?” He asked.

You looked at him. “I—don’t know but—You're not thinking of—“

“Drinking it?” Tom smirked. “Yeah, I’m just—-thirsty.”

“Please don’t.”

He took the cup, “I won’t die.”

“I guess not but it’s been sitting here one day!” You tried taking it off. He gripped it and shook his head.

“I won’t die!” He said before taking a sip and scrunching his nose. “This is fucking disgusting.”

“Why are you bloody drinking it?” You laughed.

He laughed, “I—I don’t know, but no it’s not that bad.”

“Thomas what the fuck,” you couldn’t stop laughing. “If you die then I’ll have to take care of your dead body and finding Harry, and my priority is finding Harry so I’d have to pull a Weekend at Bernie’s”

Tom giggled and stuck his tongue out, acting so terribly as if he was actually dying.

“You know,” you watched him with fake repulsion. “You deserve an Oscar for that one performance.”

“Right?” He grinned. “I’ll thank you when I receive it.”

You chuckled, “I think we should focus on Harry instead, yes?”

You both discussed places where he would go, that park? Unlikely. That Pub? He wasn’t there. Home?

Where in the world would he go?

“What if he—?” You were getting tired. “What if he didn’t run away?”

Tom looked over, he was rubbing his face, angry you hadn’t found him at the third pub. “That’s the thing, I don’t think he did.”

“It makes no sense, does it?” You questioned.

“No, he—he loves her,” Tom licked his lips. “It’s cause—“ he clutched to the wheel. “I don’t think Harry would—“

“No, I don’t think so—I just—“

It started to rain, because of course it bloody had to. Seemed that the ambiance always had the urge to level up to the level of drama you were always living.

“Jesus Christ, can we ever get into a dramatic moment without it raining?” Tom questioned, angrily.

You rolled your eyes, suppressing a laugh. “I—It was on the news forecast, I am sorry to inform you, but we’ve got nothing to do with the weather.”

Tom laughed, “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

“Alright, if he’s not at home then he’s—“You laughed, “Where the fuck is Harry?” You yelled, defeated.

Tom pinched the bridge of his nose. “I—hate Harry.”

You agreed. “Wait—wait, where’s your dad driving around?”

“Dunno, but he would’ve called,” Tom admitted. “Bloody hell, I hate Harry—I—can’t believe he did this.” You stayed quiet. If he had. What had led him to it? The day before he had been alright. Of course, he seemed nervous but he was excited, dreamy. In love.

“What do you know?” He questioned.

You frowned, getting your gaze back to him. “What?”

“You have your—thinking face on,” Tom pointed out. “See? Brow furrowed and hand on hair and everything,” he said. “You feel...guilty?”

“What?” You chuckled nervously. “No!”

“I know you guys spoke yesterday,” he recalled.

“Well yes, I wished him luck, but nothing—He gave me no clue of that, no clues of running away!” you admitted. “He was scared but he—I mean I thought it was usual wedding jitters but—he didn’t—I just—Calmed him. I mean he talked to you before, you probably were the one to scare him!”

“I—what?” Tom was taken aback. “I—I didn’t—“

“He talked to you before me!”

“yes, we talked but I gave him brotherly—marriage advice.”

You scoffed. “You? You gave him marriage advice?”

Tom chuckled nervously, “I—no, but—love advice.”

“We are the last people on earth that should give advice on that,” you stated.

He sighed, “I know but—“

“What did you say to him? Maybe you scared him and that’s why he ran away!” You stated, poking him.

He frowned, “Did not!”

“What did you even say to him?” You pushed. “I just know.”

He rolled his eyes, and mocked, “you just know?”

You playfully slapped his arm. “Yes, idiot! I know, you give the worst advice on love, you’re so dramatic.”

“I am dramatic?” He laughed.

“Yes,” you interrupted before he could even defend himself, “and—and, and I am too. We are—Oh god, are we to blame for Harry running away?”

Tom seemed to realize it at the same time. “I mean—Considering what we both could’ve said—“

Neither of you couldn’t help but laugh, maybe with guilt.

“I’m scared,” Tom admitted. He sighed, holding one last laughter.“We’re fucked.”

You both stayed calmly, as the rain halted against the car.

“What did you talk about with him?” He questioned.

Of course the question held more than that. You knew what he was asking about actually.

Seemed that both of you knew you had basically laid it on Harry the day before. Or maybe not. But where else would Tom ever get his advice from?

You had told him not to give up, you’d told Harry that he had found it, whatever love is, he’d found it.

“How I was proud of him, how I wanted what he was getting,” you shrugged.

You had also joked about how you and him wouldn’t have worked out. But you’d also said you were sorry it hadn’t worked out with Tom either. How you knew that him and Emma were not headed there, that he had nothing to worry about.

How you regretted the script. Spilling out your heartbreak for the world to see. Spilling your love story that was barely one and how people had a lot to say about it.

How it was painful to hide your love. How you knew Tom hadn’t moved on either but probably was planning to.

You told Harry to keep his feelings for Emma, and only Emma. That he didn’t have to share it. You had told Harry to treasure every morning, and to find a flower to talk for him.

“You?”

“I apologized for ruining his engagement party,” Tom nodded, “the first one.”

You both gulped.

“But how I—“ Tom shifted in his seat. “How I thought that they had found the silver linings for it all. That after being apart they’d just come back stronger. And how—I was happy for him. How they overcame all obstacles. And how they were just meant to be.”

“Soulmates they are,” you said. “Which is why it makes no sense he is not there.”

“We need to find him,” he stated.

You nodded. “We are very calm, though, considering-”

“Yeah,” he gave in. “I—What about the park?”

“Oh? The park? Not a park, the park, of course, how didn’t I think of that,” you teased. “Oh yes, the park. As if there aren’t hundreds of parks. Yes the park.”

He snorted a laugh, “shut up! You know where I meant!”

“Well, drive, you pillock!” You chuckled. “Drive to—the park!”

He rolled his eyes and was about to start the car, yet again.

“Wait,” there was a part of you that thought you knew where he might be. But—to explain where it was would be difficult. “Let me drive.”

To try and find Harry. Which was technically the quest.

You had less time now. You were tired. But there was something that was making you believe you could find him. You hoped you were right.

Being behind the wheel with Tom as your copilot was weird. You always let him drive because you usually were in charge of the music.

“Well, given that I’m here, I’ll be for the first time in charge of the music in your car,”he said. He seemed to have the same thing in mind.

Which was completely stupid since you were looking for a lost groom, but well, Tom and you didn’t have much in common but you could always brag about the same stupidity and brain cell you shared.

He took the aux cord as you were driving, driving to that location that wasn’t far enough. A place you knew that gave Harry peace. The park.

But of course your own peace was disturbed as ‘I think we're alone now’ played.

You hadn’t listened to that song in a long while, since you’d danced to it on his living room, most of the lights out, your screen light and his own eyes being the only light you needed. When the things were good.

You had, purposefully, erased most songs that ever reminded you of him.

“You seriously have that song?” You snorted as the memories flooded back in.

Tom avoided your glance and shrugged, “What? It’s on my playlist.”

You rolled your eyes. “Yes, I notice that. That’s how music works.”

There was silence. Probably driven by the growing fear of not finding Harry, probably coming from the fear that Harry had actually escaped. And what would that mean?

Had Tom and you really scared him?

But you both drowned the fear while humming the song.

Or maybe the silence came from the very memories of the song.

“It’s on this specific playlist honestly,” Tom said after a few songs.

You blinked, confused. “What?”

“It’s—the song,” he cleared up. “haven’t you noticed the songs playing are only songs you like? Or songs—”

Songs with background. You shrugged, “Well, we have similar taste.”

He laughed, “No, y/n, we truly don’t.”

You glanced at him, as he was looking out the window. “Huh, alright—maybe that is the reason we broke up.”

Tom clenched his jaw. “Don’t be an idiot.”

You rolled your eyes. “Never mind, that is.”

“No,” he squeezed his eyes shut. “what Imean—this is my—you playlist.”

You didn’t answer. Not right away.

“You’re not going to say anything?” Tom asked.

“What does that even mean?” You questioned.

He licked his lips. “I—well.”

“So you ignore me but you have a playlist—a me playlist?” You questioned.

Tom licked his lips, “I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you, it’s—been hard.”

It had been, for you, too. “It’s harder if we are apart,” you pointed out.

He gulped, “That is my point,” he coughed. “We are friends,” he said. “And lately, before I started ignoring you—We were—“

You had been acting a bit more than what friends are supposed to act like. And a wedding always brings romance in everything so it was hard.

You cleared your throat, “It makes it weirder if we both walk away from the other.”

Tom bit his lip, “is it, really?” He watched you carefully. “Because, y/n, I—I’ve been… jealous, how they solved it. And how we couldn’t, after we both tried it was so hard, how we kept falling back.”

You had been slightly jealous, too.

“And, really, I—look, I love my brother and Emma, it’s not them ,” he continued, he rolled his eyes. “For all I know, we are both bitter because before James’ wedding happened we were both talking about… marriage and all,” Tom continued. “And they basically stole what could have been our wedding.”

So you were going to have that conversation. A conversation you had avoided even before the breakup. How both of you were… in talks. How you were expecting it. How you’d jitter if he ever got on his knee to tie his shoe, how every time you’d be waiting for it.

“We didn’t even get engaged,” you pointed out, in an attempt to be cynical, probably.

He coughed, “We talked about it. Good thing—We didn’t get that far because, well.”

“I think we both thought marrying would salvage us from falling,” you stated. “Or we thought it was the next step.”

He shrugged, “Yeah, I think we did,” he admitted. “But I—Back then I really thought, I dunno. I was really about to ask.”

You took a deep breath, “I would’ve said yes,” you said easily, though it hurt to even think about it. Though, you had been prepared to say yes.

“It wouldn’t have been right,” he pointed out. “We would’ve broken up before even getting to plan it.”

He was right. So, so right, because where you were heading wasn’t a wedding, you were heading to an even more hurtful breakup.

The decision had been made acknowledging this. Knowing it would hurt less then. Avoiding a terrible breakup.

“We were on a thin line,” you agreed. “Anything would’ve broken us.”

“I knew we were going through a rough patch but—I think we never realized how rough it was.”

You sighed, “Maybe I fucked up when we came back here, when I decided not to move in.”

Tom took a deep breath, “No, it wasn’t that.”

What was it? What had it been?

“I don’t know where we went wrong,” you admitted. “I really don’t.”

He shook his head, confirming he didn’t either. When asked, neither of you had a reason. It just—happened. Things had been just so rough and hard. Nothing to hold on to.

Though it didn’t make sense, you loved him. And he loved you.

“I think we both expected things to get better by themselves.” Tom played with his fingers and watched the window, staring at the raindrops slipping through it. Sliding easily, without no one stopping them.

“And we grew tired of fighting,” you added, as you stopped at a red light.

“Can't even remember what we were fighting about,” he confessed.

You took a heavy breath in, as the music still played in the background. “About nothing, and about everything. We fought over serious stuff, like whether we wanted to be public or not. A little about Tim and Cherry. And over stupid stuff mostly, yeah mostly over stupid stuff. Like when we were supposed to wake up for certain events or what tie you’d wear for James’ wedding, we fought over you staying at my place too much. We also fought about FaceTime hours, and whether we had to ask if we were available for it or not.”

Tom dedicated his glance back to you, sad, upset and full of regret. “I remember the cereal one.”

You raised your brows, “Yeah, that one was a smashing doors one.”

“Over stupid cereal,” he sighed as he brushed his face. “We were so—“

“Toxic?” You finished his sentence.

He chuckled, “yeah, mostly at the end.”

“The beginning too, I mean,” you shook your head. “I—We had sex to just solve everything. Thomas, we had hatred sex.”

He chuckled. “Well.”

You shrugged, “And that’s how we solved the fights initially.”

“It wasn’t enough at the end,” he added.

“It never was, and that’s—Thats why, although we both said we would talk we just—I think that’s why it didn’t work, at the end we just—grew tired of each other, the spark was gone.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“Maybe it was the script,” you pointed out. “Everything concerning it.”

Learning he had a lot to do with the fact it was made had made you doubt yourself, the one true accomplishment had come because he had come to the rescue. Although it had been nice it had really started the downfall of your trust.

“No,” he shrugged.

He didn’t want to talk about it. You had had enough talks about the script, over the fact you wrote it and then regretted it. Over filming and the input he had in the movie, how the character had more in depth than before.

Over the fact he had come to your rescue because it hadn’t been good enough. That one specially had been the start of your downfall. Seemed that when you learned about it, you had completely gone mental. Though, it had come from his heart, he didn’t understand why you were angry.

You had always asked him not to ever give a hand with your writing, if you wanted to succeed it would be for your own accomplishments.

Then again, there was also this side that loved he had helped.

Truth is, it hadn’t affected your relationship, but it had affected your own self trust. And if you can’t trust yourself, however will you trust someone else?

Enough talks had been had.

“No,” Tom started. “We were guilty. Both of us, as if we were making it up for past mistakes. I never stopped thinking about what Tim said, and I think that’s why I always tried making it up for all the other times I hurt you. And then you tried making it up for the script, or—Whatever, it was a relationship built up on guilt.”

“Yeah, I think,” you whispered almost not wanting to be heard, “we both had things to learn about ourselves, and forgive ourselves first… and the timing was wrong.”

Tom shrugged, “Isn't it always wrong with us?”

Time was your true enemy. Or maybe it was easier to blame time rather than yourselves. Time was nothing.

It had been you and your pride or your fear, or whatever you came up with now.

However, there was some truth in that statement. Maybe in the past few months it had been time.

When you had told James and Harry you might want to get back together, Tom was dating.

When you were dating, Harry had told you he was thinking about it.

But what about now? Neither of you were dating, you were single and every odd could push you both to be together. Yet…You were not.

How disappointing, you would always think. Such a long story to end up like this.

How disappointing, really.

“No,” he stated, once again. “It’s not time. The problem might be we are the most stupid people to walk on earth.”

“Sounds reasonable,” you said. You nudged him, “look at us now, though, able to talk.”

“I like where we are, yeah,” Tom commented. “I think we are in a good place, we trust each other, we are friends, good friends, we take care, we hang out. We talk. And actually talk.”

You were focusing on the road, mainly, but your heart wanted to say more things. “Yeah.”

“There’s something bothering you,” Tom stared, intrigued.

“I don’t like you avoiding me,” you stated. “I really can’t stand it.”

“I won’t avoid you, then.”

Then, it was quiet. And it didn’t matter, you enjoyed moments of silence, and it wasn’t awkward. Both of you had learned that sometimes you just don’t have to say a word.

But you had to, in fear he would feel you were angry at the previous conversation.“It’s not even all songs I like,” you pointed out.

“Hm?”

“The playlist,” you decided you didn’t want to continue that past conversation.

He coughed, “So we are changing the conversation, huh? Well, they are songs that remind me of you but hey!” He nudged you. “Which ones don’t you like?”

So easily changing subjects and getting out a smile.

“I—we can get back to that later,” you turned to him and let out a soft chuckle. “songs that remind you of me?” You smirked, poking his shoulder.

He blushed, rolling his eyes. “Yes,” he admitted defeatedly.

You laughed, “You’re such a nerd.”

“What the fuck! It’s supposed to be sweet!” He complained.

You shrugged. “Or creepy.”

“No, it’s not—“

“I’m kidding I’m—more flattered than spooked—“ you admitted. “So why are you playing it?” You poked his cheek this time and he pushed your hand away.

“Because I’ve noticed you always complain about the music so when I play this you don’t!” He explained, annoyed.

“Oh, so it’s merely to keep me quiet,” you snickered, nodding.

Tom was moving his jaw, “Yes, basically.”

You glanced again, mischievously. “Wasn’t it supposed to be sweet?”

“No.”

You reached for his hair. “Tommy.”

“Don’t Tommy me,” he chuckled. “You called me creepy.”

“Yes, I don’t know how to flirt so I bully you, I thought we had that covered,” you snapped without giving it a second thought. Then completely regretting it.

His smirk was wide now, as he laughed maniacally. “Oh so you’re flirting.”

Your turn to blush had come. “No.”

He grinned. “You are.”

But then it was a miracle, a way to avoid this subject completely because it was not the conversation to be having with the current situation. “Shut up.”

“No, you are trying to flirt with me, I won’t shut up!” He mocked you.

“Shut up!”

“No!”

“Thomas! I think that’s Harry!”

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