#some of these figures I’ve had since fifth grade

[actionfriendadventures]

A little riff on Pyloon’s Saloon with some denizens from across the galaxy, including Cal Kestis, BD-1, Din Djarin, and Unidentified Bogling.

#the mandalorian #jedi: survivor #jedi: fallen order #cal kestis #bd 1 #action!cal #action!din #action figure photography #action!bd #also including: #gonk droid #ig 11 #bossk #nien nunb #ponda baba #Jawa #some of these figures I’ve had since fifth grade #so almost 30 years LOL!

[ijustreallylovethem]

the agreement

the list masterlist

connor had to leave that evening for a three day roadtrip. he didn’t say goodbye before he left and while he was gone, communication was sparse. he would usually call and tell you about his game, but now he just responded “thanks” when you texted him about how well he played. you wondered if your comment had gone too far. sure, you and connor had been friends since fifth grade, but as you got older, sex wasn’t really a topic that you had ventured into talking about. you figured he just needed some space, so that’s what you gave him.

he returned on friday morning, but you didn’t see him until you came back from your one class of the day. he was sitting on the couch, bowl of cereal in his hands as he watched tv. you greeted him like normal, thinking that maybe if you acted like nothing had happened, then he would too. and it worked for a bit. he greeted you back and you talked for a bit about what you had missed from his roadie and what he had missed back in chicago. there was a lull in conversation, and you turned to the tv screen to try and tune in on what he had been watching. you saw him put the bowl on the coffee table from the corner of your eye, and then he was fiddling with his hands.

“did you mean what you said?” you knew what he meant, of course you did. but you pretended like you had no clue.

“what did i say?” he was nervous. you felt bad, he hadn’t been nervous around you since you met, and never this visibly.

“um, when you left my room the other day. you said you’d help with my list if i wanted.” you looked back to the tv, trying to find the right words. you gave up after a moment though, not wanting to leave him hanging too long.

“yeah, i did.” you looked back to him, only to find him staring at his hands in his lap again. “does that bother you?” maybe he was nervous because he was scared of affecting your friendship if he turned you down. you wouldn’t mind, it was a bit of an outlandish suggestion anyway, just a spur of the moment thing.

“no! no, it doesn’t. kinda the opposite, actually.” your brows furrowed as you took in his words.

“you want to?” he nodded slowly. you took a moment to let that sink in, but he must not have enjoyed your silence.

“it just took me off guard, you know? because i wasn’t expecting you to find the list and then i wasn’t expecting you to offer that and i’ve never even actually had sex before so i was kinda nervous to say anything and-“

“wait. never?” his face flushed a deep red.

“well i like, a girl went down on me once but ive never really…”

“you trust me enough?” he nodded sheepishly and you hummed at the information. “okay, i’ll tell you what. whenever you’re ready, let me know. we’ll start slow but we’ll make our way through the list. how does that sound?” he nodded.

“sounds good to me.” you smiled, then turned back to the tv. it was silent for a few minutes, both of you looking at the screen in front of you but not taking anything in as your minds raced a million miles a minute. “hey y/n?”

“hmm?” you turned to face him, seeing him slightly nervous once again. “what’s up?”

“what if i said i was ready like, right now?”

#raegan talks about blurbs #connor bedard #the list

[lemonnsss]

Moral of the Story Chapter 4

Gif by: @celebritiesandmovies

A/N- I’m so sorry for the late update! I’ve had some issues with my health recently that have led to some related issues in school; but, I’ve been feeling a lot better and tried to edit this up quickly.

It’s not my best work, but I had no idea what to do with this chapter, please forgive the nonsense.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4

Taglist: @vicmc624 , @mostlymarvelgirl , @yvonneeeee, @beetlejuicesupremacy , @moonlightreader649 , @whattheduckisupkyle , @chrisevans-realwife, @nekoannie-chan , @mrsbarnes32557038 , @imyourbratzdoll , @weallhaveadestiny

Word Count: 1.2k

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The thought that Scott would leave never so much as crossed my mind. How could it? Jean and Scott had been dating since the seventh grade.

I must have reread his email half a million times, each time hung on the words “I’m leaving the mansion too.”

I was pulled from my shock as I heard the door shut behind me. I put my phone away, internally prepared myself for the interview questions, and turned around, standing from the chair. I began to talk before I saw the figure, “Hello, again Ms. Potts. That was quite the situation-” I stopped. I had expected to see Ms. Potts. Instead, there stood Tony, who seemed equally shocked to see me there.

“Why hasn’t Pep sent you out yet?” He moved from the door to the desk, “The last person to make it this long had a mental breakdown a week later.” He passed my side, slipping onto her desk. He kicked his legs slightly before he appeared to remember I was still present.

“Regardless, where is Pepper? She usually never leaves interviewees unattended,” He leans back, bracing himself on one of his arms as he reaches to the top of the shortest stack with the other quickly lifting the top sheet and, while scanning it, says, “and most certainly never leaves them around confidential company information.”

“Technically, the interview hasn’t begun.” An uncomfortable pause fell in the room as he waited for me to elaborate, “Her regular assistant is on maternity leave. Her fill-in accidentally double-booked her- she’s in a meeting right now.”

He let his head fall back dramatically as he scoffed, “Shame, I had wanted to tell her something in private. Do you know who’s all in there with her?” A cocky smirk plastered on his face.

“No? Why, Tony?”

He slipped off the desk, similarly to when he hopped up, “Oh, nothing. Just have a bit of information to share with the class.” he was almost halfway across the room when he turned back to me. His smirk was now a shit-eating grin.

“Wait,” I ran to the man, grabbing his wrist, his expression turning amused, “if the information is so important, would it not be better to share it with her privately as you originally intended.”

I suppose I had a stern expression as I said that as Tony burst out laughing, “What am I? A schoolboy scolded by his teacher?”

“Not far off on the teacher part.” He stopped for a moment before a small smile came across his face.

“Really now? When was that?” He leaned against the table again, his interest shifting to the current topic more and more.

“It was my last job. I taught at a private academy outside Salem for almost three years.”

“Interesting. And what provoked the sudden career change?”

“I don’t believe I owe you that information, Mr. Stark, unless it pertains to a crime.”

A silence passed as he tilted his head one way and then the other. “Fair point. It doesn’t apply to California's laws, but sure, plead the fifth. I won’t judge you.”

“Oh no,” I said sarcastically, “how could I ever go on with the great Tony Stark judging me!”

“Ha-ha, very funny.” He moved his hands in an almost childish manner. Playing to exaggerate his point, “You don’t seem like the type to leave such a luxurious position for any old reason. And given that you didn’t have a job lined up, you left quickly. Why is that?”

“... My long-term partner and fellow teacher at the institution cheated on me with our co-worker.”

I looked up, his face seeming to wander between holding back a chuckle and ‘Oh shit’.

After quickly stiffening his laugh, a voice rang out behind, “Well, that’s quite the loss on their end.” Ms. Potts said from her place, leaning on the doorframe. Noticing her, I stood up, “You were a great help today, and from the small glimpse I’ve seen with you and Tony, well, I think he’ll be in good hands.” 

By the time she finished her sentence, she was standing in front of myself and Tony. He still placed his weight on the desk but now he stood with his back straightened. I couldn’t help but let out a light chuckle, watching how much his demeanor changed when trying to maintain a good image around her.

“Please, Ms.Potts-“

“-Call me, Pepper. Please.”

“Alright… Pepper. Thank you, but you’re too kind. I just did what I could to help. That’s nothing to be hired over.”

I watched as she placed a hand on her hip, looked at Tony, then looked back at me.

“Hun, I mean this in the nicest way I can,” she says as she placed her hand on my shoulder lightly pushing me to sit, “do you want this fucking job?”

"Yes?"

“Great! You’re hired. Tony is scheduled to attend an event in Milan later this week so, I’d recommend you get ready for it. You’ll be at the convention for four days, not including travel days, please keep that in mind while packing. Now, if you don’t mind,” she moved her arm in front of her covered desk, “I have a few rather large stacks of paperwork to get to. Tony will show you to your office, once you’re done you’re free to leave,” she moved around the desk to type something on the computer, “I’ll have the receptionist send the order out for your ID badge, we’ll most likely have it tomorrow, otherwise it will be the day after that.” She moved up to Tony and me pushing him off her desk and casually shooing us to the door, “Congrats on the new secretary, Tony, don’t fuck it up. And to you, good luck.”

And just like that, I was standing outside of Ms. Potts' office with Mr. Stark. He led me over to his office, the room was rather cluttered but, inside and to the left there was a door. He looked over his shoulder, I guess to check to see if I was still there. He then opened the door, which, led to the secretary’s office.

“There’s another door leading in from the hall, so, please, don’t feel required to come through this room every morning. If you have any other questions, you have my number. Otherwise, I have better things to do.”

“I’m good Mr. Stark.”

“Mr. Stark was my father, call me Tony.”

“Okay then, Tony.”

“Well, I’ll be seeing you then.” He gave a slight wave and walked out into his office. The sound of his door closing let me know he was either leaving or heading back to Pepper’s. 

I took another look around the room, it was well-furnished and fairly clean. There was nothing I could see that needed repair either. I wouldn't need to bring anything in.

We boarded the plane about sixteen hours ago and finally reached our destination. We were about five minutes from landing. I got up to wake up Tony, who had been asleep for the past four hours.

I walked over to his chair, slightly nudging his shoulder, “Mr. Stark, wake up. We’re about to land.”

“Fuck you”

“Apologies, sir.” I sat across from him and buckled my seatbelt.

After I had finished the pilot sent the message over the intercom. Tony begrudgingly followed the instructions. The landing was a bit bumpy, but far from the worst I’d felt.

Once we were given the all-clear to start unboarding we started walking down the airplane's staircase. I started walking towards the car that was waiting when I heard a loud bang. The unmistakable sound of a gunshot rang out. I turned around and saw Tony writhing on the ground.

#logan howlett x reader #wolverine x reader #xmen x reader #xmen #steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #captain america #mcu #mcu fanfiction #fanfic #pepper potts #tony stark #iron man #james howlett #logan howlett #wolverine #captain steve rogers #marvel #avengers #xmen fanfiction #marvel cinematic universe #xmcu #x men movies #anthony edward stark #virginia potts

[starfall-jade]

Meant for me -Josh Kiszka

A/n: I’ve been having tons of childhood friend to boyfriend Josh thoughts lately and that’s where this idea was born from if that’s any idea of how I’m coping right now :) also that pic of him is so boyfriend I had to use it!

TW: LOTS of fluff (that’s all)

Your feelings for Josh had been clear to you since fifth grade. The two of you met during first grade. You were the new girl at school, timid and shy. And when the teacher called on you to read the current chapter you instantly clammed up, trying to hide your face behind your folder in an attempt to buy some time to think about how you could refuse. Until you heard a boys voice come from the desk behind you. "I'll read if she doesn't want to Mrs. Sanders." His kind voice accompanied by his sweet smile instantly made you want to know him better. You two were inseparable for the rest of first grade and every year after.

That was the start of your ever growing feelings for Josh, the two of you had been through everything together. Vacations with each others families, bad dates and one night stands, both good times and bad. Everything had brought you and Josh closer together your feelings only growing, and his? Well you had no clue.

You had never been too sure how Josh felt about you, whether he saw you as just a friend or more. Always hanging on to little moments like your life depended on it. Moments when his eyes grazed over your face a little too long, his fingertips brushing the back of your hand or hip, his lips "accidentally" meeting the skin of your cheek during a long hug.

As the years went on, you and Josh only grew closer. On the outside the two of you looked very much like a couple. But it was painfully obvious to you that the two of you were just friends. Josh was a touchy feely person towards everyone.

When had you come to the realization that you were in love with Josh? After a talk with his twin Jake, at a bonfire in the Kiszka's backyard. You hadn't even noticed that your eyes had been tracking Josh's figure the whole night, but Jake noticed. Jake saw the way your face lit up in the orange tinted glow from the fire whenever Josh spoke to you or met your eyes. If you're being honest with yourself you hadn't even noticed that you loved Josh until Jake made you come to terms with it.

That's how you ended up here, music softly playing throughout the warm, cozy kitchen of the Kiszka's vacation cabin. Your hands worked to whisk the bowl of blueberry pancake batter, hips swaying to the music as the lyrics flowed lightly from your lips. After waking up earlier this morning and spending some time on the porch reading and looking over the peaceful rolling mountains, you made your way back into the warmth of the house and decided to start breakfast for the group.

The eggs and bacon sat cooked and keeping warm in the oven, now you were just focused on the pancakes. Being in this place, surrounded by the serene mountains and the cozy warmth of the cabin was your greatest escape. Every time you had been invited to join the Kiszka's on their annual vacation you were astounded at how peaceful and stress free you could be, and you swore you would bottle the feeling and keep it forever if you could.

Suddenly a pair of shuffled footsteps entered the kitchen space, your head whipping around to meet Jake's groggy features. "Morning." He mumbled, his voice thick with the remnants of sleep still clinging to him.

"Good morning sleepy head."

"Y/n, It's 7 am." Jake moved to start setting the table as you finished up the breakfast spread, "Not everyone wakes up at sunrise you know."

"It was a pretty killer sunrise."

"Assuming you watched it after hiking up a mountain?"

"Nope. Just a light 2 mile hike." Jake always did love to tease you about your love for "all things granola" as he so lovingly put it. He loved to jest that it made you perfect for Josh, he didn't love the reactionary slap to the arm that he always received after saying it though.

"You went on a sunrise hike without me Birdy? I think I might cry." Josh's voice suddenly sounded from the bottom of the steps leading to the loft where he had been sleeping. "Birdy" was a nickname you earned from Josh while on a field trip in the ninth grade. Your class was visiting a state park in the area, when your group reached the summit of the hiking trail. While admiring the view you spotted a small bird laying on the ground exhaustedly flapping its wings. You couldn't just pass by the small creature so you gently scooped it up in your hands, walking over to the edge before releasing the bird, watching as it flapped its wings and began to fly away from your eyesight. Josh was with you during the event, secretly admiring your tender heart and compassion for even the smallest of creatures. He had always loved how gentle and kind you were, even in the situations where you wished you could be anything else.

A grin settled into your features at the nickname, as always, "You drove yesterday, I thought you might enjoy sleeping in a little longer."

"Well his snoring woke me up so I'd say he did enjoy it." Jake piped up, smirking at his twin over the mug of coffee resting near his lips.

You let out a giggle before turning back to the stove to cook the remaining pancakes. The conversation between you and the twins drifted off into comfortable nonsense, and soon you were joined by the rest of the Kiszka family, and the Wagner family.

You were always made to feel as if you were a part of the family with both the Wagner's and Kiszka's and especially during times like this, gathered around the table sharing in conversation as rumbling laughter echoed through the rental cabin.

Not long after everyone finished eating, Karen suggested a movie in the large entertainment space contained within the cabins basement as the forecasted rain had begun to fall. Members of each family followed down the stairs, leaving just you and Josh still sitting at the table.

"Well, I should probably put all of this away." Your voice broke through the thick silence that had settled over the room. You kept glancing at Josh almost expecting him to say something, but every time your eyes traced his face they were met with the distinct face that he makes when he is deep in thought. As you moved to stand from your seat Josh's eyes darted up to yours as if your sudden movement startled him from his trance.

"Oh, yeah. Let me help you." As he stood from his seat you stepped over to the small speaker placed on the counter that was already connected to your phone from earlier, pressing play to resume your Spotify playlist.

You recognized the song immediately as it softly began playing throughout the room, it was one of Josh's favorites from when you were younger. The first song he ever sang for you. You had instantly fallen in love with the song back then, buying the album just to play it on repeat, but nothing ever compared to the way the lyrics sounded coming from Josh's mouth. But you had never stopped listening to that song, even now you had added it to your playlist and you'd play it almost daily.

You tried to busy yourself with collecting the dishes from the table, trying your best not to think that the boy who had made you fall in love with the song was currently standing in the same room as you. You had realized years back that you didn't just fall in love with the song that day but instead, you fell for the boy who was gently singing the lyrics as he gazed into your eyes with those glistening soft brown eyes.

As you went to place the dishes into the sink you felt the presence of Josh's warm body step right behind you, his hand coming around your body to gently grasp your free hand before slightly tugging it causing you to turn and face him. "Dance with me please?" You almost asked him to pinch you as the words almost made you think you were imagining this moment. This couldn't possibly be happening, right?

"Dance with you?" Your eyes had to be the size of saucers right now, as they flitted from Josh's face to where your hand was still cradled within his larger one.

"Yes Birdy. Dance with me." The smile on his face was wide and bright as his other hand moved to rest on your waist. Noticing how stiff you still were Josh gently guided your hand up to rest on his shoulder, then he placed his other hand on your waist as well. He began to sway with the beat of the song, his hands guiding your hips to sway in tandem with his.

You started to relax, your other hand coming to rest on his bicep as the hand on his shoulder slid up to rest on the back of his neck. You were tempted to close your eyes and savor this moment, sure at this point that soon you would awake from this dream. Your eyes caught his and you found yourself lost within the swirling shades of honey.

"How mad would you be if I kissed you right now Birdy?" Josh suddenly asked, one of his hands leaving your waist to cradle your cheek. "Who says I would be mad?" Your reply came as a shock even to you, but you decided why not be a little brazen as you hadn’t imagined any of this happening when you woke up this morning.

Your eyes caught the smile that tugged at the corners of his plump lips, before you saw those very same lips begin to near your own parted lips. Not being able to stand the nerves and anticipation coursing through your veins, you tilted your head up planting your lips on his. Your body erupted in chills at the feeling of his lips being molded to yours in every way possible and your hands reached to pull him impossibly closer as both pairs of lips moved in synch.

If you hadn’t been rather occupied you swore you would’ve turned cartwheels across the cabin. You had dreamed of this moment. This feeling for so many years you couldn’t believe you were finally experiencing it. You slowly pulled away from Josh’s lips, still tucked closely into his body.

“I can’t believe that just happened.” You vocalized, a grin stretching itself across your mouth. Your eyes bright as they gazed into his. “Honestly I think I’ve wanted that to happen since the fifth grade.”

Josh let out a laugh at your revelation, his lips descending to meet yours a second time. This time the kids was just a small peck. “You know Birdy, I think I’ve always known that if there was ever anybody meant for me it’s you.” His voice was just a quiet whisper, like his words were truly only meant for your ears.

“Josh. I’m so in love with you it’s insane.”

“I’m in love with you too Y/n.”

Your grin widened impossibly and you pulled his face down to plant another kiss on his incredibly soft lips. “I think that’s the first time you’ve said my actual name since freshman year.” You laughed out as you pulled away, Josh’s laughter soon joining and mixing perfectly with yours. You could die at this moment and still be the happiest person in the world.

“Woah. That’s new.” A new voice startled you out of your elated thoughts as both of your heads whipped to face the direction of the voice. Sam’s shocked figure stood, open mouthed, right beside the entrance to the basement stairs. Your eyes went wide in response and they flickered to Josh’s calm expression. “So I’m just going to go. Come down when you guys are…done I guess?”

You watched Sam turn and rush down the steps, your cheeks flaring in embarrassment. “Birdy, I’m ready for this if you are.” Josh’s voice held no worry or fear, or even embarrassment. But instead his voice sounded relaxed, serene almost. You knew immediately that he wasn’t just referring to facing his brother after being caught lip locked. No Josh was referring to a relationship between the two of you, an ongoing thing serious enough for his family to know about it. Surprisingly you didn’t feel panicked at the thought of that much commitment hitting you all at once, you felt completely at peace, not to mention excited to see where life with the curly haired cutie that had stuck with you since childhood would take you.

Instead of a reply you simply placed your hand in Josh’s and intertwined your fingers together. The two of you descending the stairs hand in hand, once at the bottom you felt the eyes of everyone in the room meet your figures. Swallowing roughly, your eyes traveled from family member to family member just waiting for someone to simply react at all. “I told you it would happen!” Karen’s voice rang through the room, a bright smile falling onto her features as she lightly slapped Kelly on the bicep. Soon both families were smiling ear to ear and erupting with cheers of excitement mixed with confessions that they knew it would happen all along.

Josh moved to sit in an unoccupied spot on the sectional, pulling you gently by the waist until you were sat directly beside him, tucked into his side with his arm resting around your lower back. Once the room was calm yet again the movie was started.

During the opening, Jake leaned over to Sam before saying, “I didn’t forget that you owe me $20 by the way.”

“You guys seriously bet on us?” A laugh bubbling out of your chest at the revelation that everyone around the two of you realized that you’re eye in love before either of you did.

“Of course we did. We’ve had the bet going since the 8th grade dance when Josh took Jessica Stanley and you tried to avoid him for a week.” Jake replied, your eyes rolling at the memory of your ridiculous preteen exaggeration. Your eyes travelled back to Josh to find him already looking at you, a smirk taking residence on his face.

“Don’t you even say anything.” You pointed at him, trying to look intimidating but ultimately failing with the smile that overtook your downturned expression.

You had always felt like you were meant to be with Josh, but now you truly felt that you belonged right here. Tucked deep into the side of his body, his arms wrapped tightly around you not willing to let you go, surrounded by his family and friends sharing laughs and heartwarming conversations. You belonged with Josh.

#josh kiszka #josh kiszka x reader #josh kiszka fluff #josh kiszka imagine #greta van fleet #greta van fic #greta van fluff #josh gvf #josh kiszka one shot #josh kiszka fanfiction #gvf imagine

[zebulontheplanet]

Hello! I have a question if you don't mind me asking.

What are some signs you have an ID/borderline ID?

I don't quite understand the symptoms besides the IQ part (and I'm aware it's not something to self diagnose).

Im just curious and want to learn

BID = Borderline Intellectual Disability

That’s a complicated answer because everything about me is affected by my BID. Everyone is different, and usually when you get diagnosed they figure out all that’s being affected and tell you. I can’t give you the exact symptoms, but I can tell you how it affects me personally since it’s different for each person.

For me, a lot of it is my learning. Im a fifth or lower grade level in a lot of subjects, and it takes me several times to actually store something in my brain. You know how if you read or learn something it gets stored in your brain? Yeah my brain doesn’t really do that and I need to be exposed to it multiple times. Like for example, I learned pre algebra for four years in a row, and I still don’t get it. It’s just never clicked in my brain.

I also have trouble with language and communication. I’ll probably never be able to learn another language, even though I’ve tried so hard to learn asl but failed. I struggle with communication in the way that my brain just doesn’t know until it’s to late. I have child-onset Schizoaffective. I wasn’t able to communicate that I was actively hallucinating and hearing voices until I was 14, even though I was hallucinating long before. I also wasn’t able to communicate until I was 16 that I was in chronic pain.

I also have really bad problem solving skills, and need step by step instructions with a lot of things. Sometimes even hand over hand is beneficial to me.

The more complicated symptoms are things like my judgment. My judgement is very clouded and underdeveloped. I have trouble with setting boundaries and often get manipulated and even abused by people without really realizing until it has severely affected my mental health.

I also had significant defects when I was younger in things called “adaptive behaviors” things like learning to do self care, learning to take care of myself, independent things like doing doctor appointments, etc. Didnt come until much later in life. I still even struggle with things like self care and still don’t go to doctor appointments by myself as an adult.

There is much more but these are just the basics! Thank you for the ask and if you have anymore questions then lmk!

#long post #borderline intellectual disability #intellectual disability #autism

[destinygoldenstar]

TEN. THOUSAND. VIEWS.

On TDDRI. Ten thousand. And Chapter 5 isn’t even out yet.

Guys… I…

I’m speechless. Idk what to say.

Something I wrote is now in the realm of being popular?!

I…

I can’t even type. Wow. You guys have butchered my ability to write and now I am unable to continue TDDRI.

(That was a joke)

This is a HUGE New Years Present for me.

I’ve been writing since I was six. My work was shit. As you’d imagine for a six year old.

But I loved doing it so I kept doing it. It was where my child imagination lied. I wrote a ton of knock offs. I would have journals and write fictional characters instead of diaries of myself. I would draw characters of a narrative.

Now I study creative writing. For a hobby. I was an A+ student in my class. I had a book released when I was 11. I was a runner up in a city contest and was interviewed by the mayor of where I lived. At 13. I’m writing whenever I have free time. I’m writing analytics on social media. I didn’t even have an account in high school. I’m giving writing advice to people on the internet. Writing is basically my life at this point.

So you’d think that I would be someone well known for writing, right?

No.

There’s a lot that don’t know or care that I exist.

Because, I have a fear of what people think of me.

I’m constantly worrying that I say the slightest things wrong, and then I become a cancelled figure. Loathed for a mistake. For the rest of my life. Where everyone constantly harasses you that you’re some evil person and the world is better without you.

Because of that I’ve been incredibly phobic with showing people my writing. I would write, but I would never show it to anyone unless I was forced to. Even after getting praised like the examples I gave of ‘achievements’. I felt like shit for even getting them in the first place. Like deep down, I was some hack who didn’t deserve it.

And it goes FAR beyond a basic phobia.

I do feel comfortable to at least share it now. Cause I would never three years ago. Believe me, don’t, it’s fine by me. You don’t have to believe anyone online.

I was in the fifth grade. I was freshly moved out of my state that I grew up in before that, the world I loved to live in so much. Gone. And I was forced and expected by my peers to accept the changes and ‘get used to it’. So I lied. When I didn’t lie, people got upset. They would try to hide how I felt.

I didn’t learn I had Asperger’s syndrome until I was 13, so this was before that. But my parents knew. Didn’t tell me till I was a teen. I was definitely ‘the weird kid’ for it. They played rough and ran with soccer balls. I played in the fields running around imaging I was a bunny. Kids my age told me to stop it.

Sure, I was at least known, as that same year I was elected out of the entire school to be the soloist of the end of the year concert. But everyone told me I didnt deserve it. Shy, timid, anxious me who jumped at anything.

I only ever became confident whenever I was in my little writing corner. Which, at first, was just another ‘weird’ thing.

Hell, my blog username, ‘GoldenStar’ is literally the name of my self insert character. Fun fact.

But I had a friend group.

And that friend group was the main culprit of bullying.

It was two girls. One of them was really sarcastic and hard to read, and a compulsive liar. The other was the one who invited me to be a friend, and a focus on this story.

She took advantage of me since the beginning. Both of them did cause they both stole my stuff and passed it off as ‘friend lending a friend’. She saw a naive innocent overly sweet and kind girl who would freak out and believe and scream at anything.

Because I am exactly that. I am EXACTLY that.

Constantly lied to me to see my overly dramatic reactions and laugh at them. Guilt tripped me whenever I hanged out with anyone else. Stole from me. Whenever I achieved something, she would say “Don’t worry. I know you don’t deserve it. Your secret is safe with me.”

It was mental abuse. And considering how horribly wrong bullies are portrayed in guidance class videos (and Dhar Mann), I never picked up on it until three years later. I never had a clue that this friend was actually a bully. Because she didn’t show any of the signs of a fictional one. The kind that manipulated you into thinking they were on your side.

And then the THING happened.

The reason why I cut off my writing from the world for so long.

There was a writing project. We all had to write a fictional book.

This was my time to shine and I went full force l on this project. In my element. In the moment every single step of the way.

The other kids wrote a Minecraft story. I wrote a solely original fantasy about fairies and colonialism that dealt with equality issues through magic.

I distinctly remember being the last one to present to the class. I put up this dramatic narration while doing it. Be being wholeheartedly confident for the first time in front of my classmates. And everyone seemed to love it to pieces.

It was so loved that my teacher elected me as a representative in the school to have the story presented in a citywide fair.

Next to no one got something like that from what I heard.

I was even elected ‘best writer’ at the end of the year. When we were giving out rewards on who was the most of what.

It would’ve been great. I had never been that popular before. I was getting rewarded for something I loved and was proud of. My parents thought I was going to become successful with my writing.

And then my ‘friend’ had something to say about it.

Recess. Right after I got the reward news.

What did she do? Did she say what she always said? “I know you don’t deserve it” Some quiet gaslight like that?

No.

She strangled me.

Grabbed me by the neck and shoved me into a tree, screaming in my face “WHY ARE YOU SUCH A HACK?!?” “YOU DONT DESERVE THIS AT ALL!!” “EVERYONES A MORON FOR NOT SEEING THROUGH YOUR EVIL TRICKS! I DO THOUGH!!” “YOURE A HORRIBLE PERSON FOR WRITING THAT!” “YOU WILL BE HATED BY EVERYONE IF YOU KEEP WRITING SO STOP WRITING!!”

Having it hard to breathe was one thing. My mental state was the real thing that got strangled out. So yeah, I got beaten up.

NOBODY did anything about it btw. They all ignored us. No one said anything to the teachers. They did nothing. She completely got away with it.

She drilled it into my head, by force, that I was a hack of a writer who would never have an original idea in her life, and everyone would despise me if I became a writer.

I believed it.

I still don’t know why I put up with her after that. I didn’t catch on till three years later that she was the one in the wrong. Gosh I’m stupid.

I shut down after that. I stopped showing anyone my writing. I avoided writing in public at all costs. I tried avoiding showing anyone my writing ever again. Even if it meant I got a failing grade. I would fail writing classes on purpose just to avoid the humiliation she lied about.

As for the reward? I don’t have the medal anymore. Or the book. That’s why it’s not published in stores from my knowledge. I threw both of them away after the ceremony. Ashamed. Disgusted by myself.

Not kidding, I spent that whole Christmas Break rewriting the entire story from shame alone.

My parents were so confused because I never told them what happened. I mean, I could’ve been successful at something I was proud of, go on to bigger things and achievements. But instead I threw it all away.

And my classmates too turned on me when I decided not to write anymore. Bully target.

From then on I stayed with the ‘friend’. I stayed her right hand. I would constantly tell everyone,

“I can’t write” “I can’t write”

Over and over again.

I still wrote. But it was a secret.

It got to the point where I just decided ‘I’d rather embrace the anxious shy weird girl than be confident’, and just embraced the full stereotype. Someone who would react to anything and scream at anything. Then when I got sick of that around my adolescence I decided I couldn’t cry anymore, those screams were anxiety AND anger towards anyone who pushed my buttons. I was the bully target till Covid. And few helped me because they all hated me. I was a very hot tempered hypocritical person who never shut up or stopped and only could when attacked by panic. On the last day before quarantine, everyone was joking about Covid and saying it was the best thing to ever happen, even the teacher, and I got mad, and everyone else kicked me out of class early. “Good riddance. No one will miss you.”

I was the nasty person. I was someone who couldn’t be sympathized. I was the bully. Not her.

And no one there does. Because I ended up moving again and never seeing them again.

As for what happened to that ‘friend’? It was kind of a distance thing that broke us apart rather than me ever standing up for myself in any way. So technically, she won.

From what I heard now she’s hooked on drugs. And my only reaction when I heard it was ‘Sad. Not my problem though.’

I don’t know if that’s heartless to not bring myself to care or not.

I can’t tell you if any of this classifies as PTSD or just classic trauma. Im not a therapist.

Then in my sophomore year of high school, I accidentally got one of my books leaked to my English teacher. Technology.

It was a book I wrote during quarantine, where I could just be myself and no one to harass me. (It’s also rewritten on Ao3 on my account if you’re curious)

I was ready to apologize for the error, but instead my teacher said that she loved it. And she questioned why I never mentioned I was ‘quite the talented writer’. We had a meeting and I told her the truth and why I kept it a secret. I even went on and on about how I believed I was a hack. Then she opened my eyes that I was not the one in the wrong in that situation. That I was not a hack and there was definition proof that I wasn’t. So I got booked to creative writing class when I went back to school, which I hesitantly accepted.

A few years later I would start my social media presence to try and get my writing off the ground. As I was trying hard to overcome my trauma and get my confidence back.

It didn’t work out. Cause no one reads original stuff anymore. And no one knew me. So yeah, I got nothing. So I tried joining fandoms instead, of shows I watched during quarantine, one of them being Total Drama. I tried making essays about my thoughts on stuff and slowly I got around to a hundred followers. Over that at the time of this post.

Then I got the crazy idea to try fanfiction for the first time. (Yes. Straight up. I never wrote fanfiction before that.) So I took a popular fanfic premise from the Total Drama community and decided ‘I’m going to try that. No one will read it though, so it’s fine if it’s bad.’

And well, look at where the fic is now. I was wrong. SO WRONG.

This is my most popular work ever. It’s very rare that I see any fanfic get over ten thousand views, let alone before it’s finished. Not only that, but I see many people online sharing their thoughts on the story and saying ‘this is no contest the best version of this fanfic premise and people need to see it’ ‘please see this it’s so good’ ‘when is it going to get updated’?!

And just… I NEVER imagined. I never imagined anyone would even CARE. Let alone to THIS height. I just… I can’t…

My parents still think I threw my writing passions away. They don’t support it anymore unless it’s a ‘positive happy go lucky story’. “You can’t be a writer. You can’t make a career out of fine arts. Or theater arts. Be a scientist. Be a meteorologist. Write facts for news.”

I can’t express enough how much this milestone truly means to me. Like, I actually did it. I can write something and have it get peoples attention, and people CARE. They actually CARE. And I’m so sorry I can’t live up to your standards and finish it faster and you have to wait another year for it to be completed-

I’m not editing this. I’m just rambling with text. It’s what I do. Those who follow me know this is who I am.

So just…

This has been a huge year for me. I graduated this year. I got a job. I’m working now. And I got this as icing on the cake for this year.

Seriously. Thank you for 10,000 views on Total Drama Danganronpa Island

#total drama #danganronpa #total drama danganronpa island #ao3 #ao3 writer #wattpad writer #wattpad #wattpad fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #my writing #creative writing #writing #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writeblr #tw trauma #trauma #ptsd

[real-jane]

poet laureate

part 3 - [prof bucky barnes x fem!reader]

summary: dean stark has his say.

warnings: none.

a/n: in case it wasn't obvious, there will be a fourth and perhaps even a fifth installment lol. i'm not ready to let them go.

series masterlist

__

Bucky had never been given a chance to decide what he wanted in life, but staring the visage of his fears in the face, Bucky was overwhelmed by the notion that he was not ashamed to be caught kissing this woman. All along he had anticipated how horrible he would feel, were Dean Stark to find out. Indeed, he was embarrassed (especially considering where his hands had been wandering), but former-professor Barnes couldn’t muster an apology for what they had done. He didn’t want her to be punished for it–but it didn’t mean he regretted it. 

“I can come back.” Stark cleared his throat, turning away to give them some modicum of privacy.

“Thanks for meeting us,” Y/n said quickly. She stood and gave Bucky space to push off the chair and join her. He frowned at her in confusion. “I asked him here,” she said softly, leaning toward him as if the person who could end her career at NYU wasn’t standing right there. 

Y/n smiled. “You are going to be so many things to me. A dirty secret is not one of them.”

Bucky searched for her hand blindly and linked their fingers once he found them. She’s not ashamed. The thought almost eclipsed the dread in the pit of his stomach. Still… he stood. He clutched her hand.

“It’s good you know. In case you get questions,” Bucky said to the Dean, who leaned against the door frame.

Stark snorted. “Is this why you resigned?”

“Yes.” The admission came forward of its own volition; it wasn’t the whole of it, but when he cut it right down to the wick of why–it was because all he wanted to do was kiss the woman at the end of his arm, even if other people saw him do it. Bucky cleared his throat to steel his nerves. 

“At no point were we doing this when she was my student. I didn’t develop these feelings until the Summer. It seemed inappropriate to continue with my position, knowing I intended to pursue it.” 

“No, I think that was astute. I am curious why you didn’t come to me right away.”

Bucky glanced at Y/n. She smiled gently.

“Doesn’t matter, does it?” she asked. “It happened. What’s important is where we go from here.”

“Hmm.” Stark seemed to consider this deeply, removing his ostentatious glasses to rub a hand over his face. 

“I don’t want her degree to be in jeopardy, and we’re both aware how it looks–”

“Okay, bud. I know you’re freaking out,” Stark said, closing the door so the conversation might stay at least somewhat confidential, “but be straight with me: did you fuck on school property?”

Bucky’s cheeks reddened. “No.”

“Did you kiss her while instructing her?”

“No.”

Dean Stark’s focus swung to Y/n. “Did he coerce you into a relationship with drugs or alcohol or… I don’t know. A puppy, or something.”

“Nope.”

“Did you do favors for her like altering her grades or write a recommendation letter in exchange for favors of a sexual nature?”

“Jesus,” she breathed. “Nothing like that. He came to my symposium with the Emily Dickinson Fellowship in Amherst. Today is the first time we’ve been on campus at the same time since. So I can help clean out his office.”

“Great. I’ve done my duty, so. Do whatever you want, but not on property. Okay?” Stark sighed. “Barnes, I’ve known you for a few years now… long enough to see that you don’t have a life outside of teaching. No offense.”

“Apt,” Bucky agreed.

“You are a good person. The fact that you resigned to get ahead of this speaks to your ethics, but I think you underestimate how much people in this program appreciate you. If you had come to me–’gee, Tony–fell in love with my mentee, what the hell do I do?’ I would’ve asked you all of these questions, word for word. And we could’ve figured out a solution which didn’t look like you had a sudden breakdown. I mean… you’re seeing your former student. No way around it. But you’re not out here plucking up freshmen. So.” Stark shrugged. “If you have an interest in finishing out the semester, or… I don’t know. Coming back in some capacity, I’ll support you.”

Bucky ran a hand through his hair in disbelief. “I–no. Thank you. I have a new job. I need to do something else for a while.”

Stark nodded. “Alright. Well. People are gonna talk. Nothing I can do about that.”

“We can take it,” Y/n said.

Stark looked between the two of them for a moment, and a genuine smile pulled at one corner of his mouth. “Poetry is dangerous, huh.”

Bucky couldn’t help but sigh. “Sure.”

“Off the record, just so I know for your adjudication. Did you leave his name on your thesis?”

“Sir–after two years of work?” She scoffed. 

“I had a feeling. It’s better I ask your reasoning now than during your defense, in front of your peers and family,” Stark said.

“I mean–what answer would be acceptable to the board?” Y/n spat. “If it weren’t for Barnes, this thesis wouldn’t exist. To leave him unacknowledged would be factually inaccurate.”

“Y/n–you should’ve taken me off,” Bucky murmured. “I would’ve understood.”

She looked between the two men with an aghast expression. “No. And if interrogated by the board, I’ll tell them the same. I’m not hiding him from my work.” She squeezed Bucky’s hand so tight, he could feel her heartbeat in his palm.

“Okay. As long as you’re prepared.”

“Due respect, Dean Stark, I know what we’re up against.”

Stark shrugged. “Noted. Well. This has been illuminating,” he said with a surprising amount of peace about the whole thing, at least outwardly. “Barnes… I might suggest skipping her defense, anyway.”

Bucky looked down and nodded. “That was the plan.”

“What?” Y/n gapes at him. “This is ridiculous.”

Stark’s face turned stony. His mouth flattened into a thin line, and for just a moment, he looked like he was going to retort with something short or clipped, but… Tony Stark sat in the chair across the desk from them and crossed his ankle over his knee. 

“About… fifteen years ago, now? I developed a bit of a drinking problem, after my father passed. The board put me on probation after I fell asleep behind the wheel at a stoplight. Luckily, I had had the forethought to turn the car off before passing out. Woke up thanks to a knock on my window by a campus patroller. So, my mother suggested hiring an assistant. I brought the idea to the Dean at the time, in the guise of helping me ‘get my shit together’ and he created a special work study position for a TA, which involved being an administrative assistant for the department. Basically… making sure I was sober enough to come to class, and drive without killing myself. 

“Only one student applied. My little secret wasn’t well-hidden, but… Pepper was desperate to pay for her school herself so she didn’t burden her parents, and she didn’t care what it took. Until she realized her stroke of luck meant buying me gallons of Pedialyte, and fishing me out of the bar every time I drunk dialed her. She hated me. I was so annoyed by the sound of her shoes squeaking on the floorboards coming down my hallway that I gave her a pair of slippers… which she threw at me. But she kept showing up. She checked me into the hospital, and waved her finger in my face while the nurses had me captive with tubes and wires… It’s like you WANT to die! Pepper cried. I wasn’t thinking like that–I was just. Sad. And somebody actually cared.

“I didn’t ask her out for five more years,” Stark said. “Long after she graduated, might I add. Sometimes, love comes out of the clear blue sky. It doesn’t mean it’s bad, this thing between you. But some things will be difficult for you to navigate while you’re here–” he nodded to Y/n– “because of your historical connection. You also don’t have to make your lives harder. Barnes attending your thesis defense after suddenly resigning, while still being named on your work?” Stark clicked his tongue. “That’s a recipe for questions which have no bearing on your defense, but the board may not see it that way. I’m not… unsympathetic, here. My wife would make me sleep on the couch if I punished you for something I did, myself. But you should’ve told me right away. A guy’s gotta wonder what it says about him when people think they can’t come to him.

“Bottom line: now, I know. Should it be brought to me by someone other than yourselves, I can say I did my diligence, and found nothing… actionable. Yes?” Tony raised his brows and looked between the two. Bucky barely managed a slight nod, but that was enough for the Dean. 

Tony stood. “I’ll tell you: some days, I wish I still drank.” He winked at Y/n. His departure left behind a heady silence. 

Bucky released Y/n’s hand, and sank into the chair the Dean had occupied. Was that really it? Had he been waking up in cold sweats over the possibility of a personal history lesson from Tony Stark? Was it possible that the punishment for falling for her amounted to such a small sentence–well, not getting to hear her talk about her work was a loss, which rankled in the pit of his stomach out of disappointment more than anything–and he might not have to hide? He couldn’t stifle the huff of amazement. Y/n rubbed his shoulders.

“Are you upset with me?”

Bucky’s head snapped up. Was that fear in her voice? Her eyes searched his for reassurance, while she nervously nibbled the plush of her lower lip. What was crowning his dumbfounded dome? Love? He hadn’t said it, but Sam and Tony both had read him like a children’s board book. He loved her. Had done, since before the bloody workshop. Since… yeah. Since she handed him the first stack of poems which would become her thesis, and made that very same nervous face at him while he read her raw vision for her culminating project. He was neither upset with her for coming clean to Stark, or for any other thing. He opened his arms and she folded forward, dropping to kneel between his knees. The moment her cheek hit his chest, Bucky zinged with an image of the future. It wasn’t a premonition exactly, but it centered on her.

“I, uh. Hmm.” He gathered his realizations into a somewhat coherent statement, pressing his lips to the top of her head. “I am better. With more of you,” he murmured, hearkening back to the poem of hers he had tried to use as an excuse not to love her.

“I know,” she whispered. Her fingers drew lazy circles on his back. “I wish you could be there for my defense.”

“Pssh.” He pulled back enough to look her in the eye. “I’ve had a front row seat this whole time. It’s someone else’s turn.” Bucky smiled as her nose wrinkled. “Doll, that night–broke my own heart, leaving you. I had feelings for you before then. I see that now. Just wasn’t gonna do anything about it.”

“Buck,” she said, as if his name were a new endearment she had created just for him, “do you know how long I’ve felt the same?” She giggled when Bucky frowned. “I didn’t even think you’d come to Amherst. When you did, I thought I was going to die. I don’t know how I made it through my reading.”

“You were perfect–”

“I was shaking, absolutely terrified you’d figure out all that… what did my instructor call it? Oh–“pent-up yearning”--was over you.” She sat back on her heels. “And you went with me to that bar after, and suddenly… we were magnetized.”

“Think we should tell Stark that part?”

She reached inside his fears and lit a candle. “Bucky, I love you. Even though you have been running like an Olympic Gold medalist, I’m pretty sure you feel the same.”

He blinked. “I think that is an insufficient description. Both of how I feel, and how much I’ve panicked about it.” They shared a soft, shaking laugh. She pressed up so they were nose-to-nose again, and Bucky nuzzled her. “Loving you doesn’t come easy to me. Haven’t had a lot of practice. But. I know I want to touch you again, and I feel a bit like a randy teenager about it.”

“Too bad we’ve been warned off campus trysts.” Her cheeks were warm when his fingers found them. “I’m free tonight.”

“I have work.” 

“What time?”

“Eight.”

She kissed him feather-light. “This packing thing isn’t going to take us all day.”

Bucky coughed, and flushed. “No, uh. Probably not.”

“So. Let’s wrap this up, yeah?” Y/n stood, leaving Bucky dumbfounded in the chair. He watched her straighten her clothing and turn her attention to the files in the desk. Though her eyes were cast downward, she smiled like she could feel his gaze. 

He scratched his cheek. This woman–blinding, beautiful, vibrant, intelligent–she had written poem after poem about him, by her own admission. He had reviewed every one, without knowing he was reading a profile of her affection for him. Born out of so many weekends in that very office, pouring over his thesaurus together, dog-earred to death with synonyms for ‘breath’ and ‘sigh’. He recalled telling her one time, ‘this would read more romantic if you…’ and the memory trailed off, because… she took his advice. She revised. He taught her the language of his heart. He walked the path beside her. He found himself at the same intersection she did. Where he saw uncultured awkwardness in himself, she saw something precious. Maybe that’s what love is. Somebody thinks I’m poetry. 

Once upon a time, he wrote things people found meaningful. Enough that his own thesis was carried by the university library, and sold at the coffee shop under ‘notable local authors’. He hadn’t put any of his own words to paper in so long that he wondered if he’d forgotten how. Or if, just maybe, he didn’t need to package his thoughts in palatable portions. Not if the woman he fed was her. And by God, if he couldn’t sustain himself on her words alone, he wasn’t fit to be with her.

And that wasn’t acceptable. 

He rose to his feet slowly, as if he couldn’t trust his knees not to knock together with nervousness. She paid him no mind, so he circled around the desk. Bucky reached for the folders in her hand; Y/n squeaked in surprise when he nudged the file drawer shut with his toe. He didn’t say a word, just wrapped both arms around her waist, tucked his chin into the crook of her shoulder, and held her. It took a moment for her to relax, but when she did, she hummed. A sweet, happy three-note ditty. Heart-sounds. The sort which she emitted when words were insufficient. She made many beautiful sounds on the one night of intimacy they had shared. Back then, he hadn’t felt worthy to listen to such sounds of abandon. But as her fingers crawled along his forearms to hug him back, Bucky knew they were meant for him. 

She was meant for him. Whatever ‘meant’ meant. No synonyms sufficed.

She packed everything which hung on the wall, including his degrees and the photo of his Army regiment. They left the files for his predecessor. They didn’t say much, but he kissed her when the urge struck, and offered her his coat when he deemed the office sufficiently emptied. He didn’t mind the pang of sadness which tugged when he slid his key into the mail slot of Sam’s office.

Part 4

--

tag list: @peterhollandkait @honeywithemoney @nahthanks @emmabarnes @dracris33 @dracosluvbot @searchf0rtheskyline @cjand10

#bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x female reader #bucky x y/n #professor bucky #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes au

[bubblegum-blackwood]

13 Books Tag Game

Tagged by @mothmage 🖤

1) The last book I read:

Ghost Of by Diana Khoi Nguyen. This is a book of poetry I read for my Intro to Poetry class - it deals heavily with grief, having been written in the aftermath of the death of the author's brother, and if you like free verse, concrete poems, or stream-of-consciousness-like verse, this would definitely be something to check out. Also Othello by William Shakespeare :3

2) A book I recommend:

If We Were Villains by ML Rio! It's about a bunch of theatre kids going to an arts conservatory to study Shakespeare. People fuck, people do drugs, people get murdered, and like half the cast is gay and repressed about it. The prose is really vivid, and overall, I'm just super impressed with the story and the characters Rio created!

3) A book that I couldn’t put down:

Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice. I know this is a Vampire Chronicles blog so that seems rather obvious but I truly was captivated by this book. Checking it out from the library was one of the best decisions I ever made.

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more):

I'm going to cheat for this one and do a play instead: Hamlet by William Shakespeare. I first read it in school in junior high, then again on my own my sophomore year of high school, and I've flipped through it several times since then. As much as I love other Shakespeare plays like Much Ado About Nothing and Twelfth Night and Romeo and Juliet, I never seem to run out of things to say about Hamlet. It's just so rich.

5) A book on my TBR:

Ohhhh soooo many sdljkfklfjasklfsjlkjfskl. But my friend gifted me Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M Danforth for my birthday and I figure I should get around to it at some point 😅

6) A book I’ve put down:

A year or two ago, my mother came home from Target with Ramses the Damned: The Reign of Osiris by Anne and Christopher Rice, because she saw our goth mom's name and figured I'd appreciate it since I like the Vampire Chronicles. It's not the first in the series, and I was having a hard time connecting to these random new characters, so I closed the book after a few pages and it's been sitting untouched on my bookshelf ever since 😅

7) A book on my wish list:

Every year for my birthday and Christmas I ask for one or two Shakespeare plays because I want to collect the full set (of all the ones I'm interested in LOL). Next on the list is The Comedy of Errors.

8) A favorite book from childhood:

Ummmm I'm trying to think. I have an abridged version of Little Women by Louisa May Alcott that I read several times in fifth and sixth grade, so I'll go with that. (hilariously, I remember almost nothing about the plot of the book now)

9) A book you would give to a friend:

I'll go with Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen because that is currently the book that I have been badgering my bestie to read lol

10) A book of poetry or lyrics that you own

The aforementioned Ghost Of but also Girl's Guide to Leaving by Laura Villareal, also something I read for my poetry class, and also something I would totally recommend!

11) A nonfiction book you own:

So many, mostly for school. Gender: Ideas, Interactions, Institutions by Lisa Wade and Myra Marx Feree (3rd edition) is something I bought for my sociology of gender class a few semesters ago, and I would highly recommend! It is very enlightening and full of interesting facts.

12) What are you currently reading:

Blood Canticle by Anne Rice! It's wacky as fuck but you know what, I'm actually enjoying myself. I just haven't gotten very far because I'm super busy with school this semester so I haven't had as much time to read for pleasure sadtoad.jpg

13) What are you planning on reading next?

The next play my Shakespeare class is reading is The Taming of the Shrew, so I guess technically that sfdasffasdf. For VC, I'll move on to Prince Lestat after finishing BCan.

tagging: @fofoqueirah @hekateinhell @covenofthearticulate @dorianslayyy and @leslutdepointedulac

#vc #tag game

[laminy]

I was tagged by @onehelluvamarine. I’ve done this before but I’m too lazy to go see what my answers were so if you’ve already read this before oh well lol.

How many works do you have on AO3?

75!

What’s your total AO3 word count?

2,178,935

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. I'm breathing in the chemicals (Teen Wolf)

2. and you know you don't have to go (Ted Lasso)

3. Fear and Self-Loathing in Beacon Hills (Teen Wolf)

4. you're the sunflower (Ted Lasso)

5. into the blue and sunny morn' (BoRhap Actor RPF)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

For sure! People took the time to comment and I really appreciate it so I always reply.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

None of my fics have angsty endings! I’ll do all the angst in the story itself, I’ll make them cry and be angry and break up and whatever but there’s gotta be a happy ending.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

When all the endings are happy, it’s kind of hard to compare, but probably a new life grows. It was the last part of ITBASM so its ending had to some up years of me writing and years of their fictional lives and put them all in a fantastic place.

Do you write crossovers?

I wrote a couple Midsomer Murders x 6 Underground fics.

Have you received hate on a fic?

I’ve gotten some rude anons. I didn’t realize until I was almost done posting ITBASM (the original story) that I didn’t have asks open on here. I imagine I would’ve gotten a lot of hate about one chapter if I had. Back when I was first posting fanfic (like, almost twenty years ago) I found out that people in some private group were making fun of a fic that I’d posted. that was great.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I certainly do. For the longest time, just m/m, and that’s all I’ve ever posted. But for my original novel I’m working on now, it’s my first m/f and it is an experience lol I find it more awkward to write at times but it’s fun too. I’ve had to get used to writing wet a lot. And clit. And cunt. A whole new world!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also not that I know of.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. I find it hard to comprehend writing as a team event.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I genuinely don’t think I could ever pick. There are so many I’ve read over the years. Some I will never touch again, some I will probably still be reading on my death bed lol. Favourite ever??? No way.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I wrote a 6 Underground fic with Four and Seven that had a couple parts. I intended it to have another, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.

Same with the Midsomer Murders x 6 Underground fic (I guess I gave up on Four lol), I still have the exact scene that I want to write in my mind, I picture it, but I doubt it will ever go anywhere. Unless I just write that one scene.

What are your writing strengths?

I love writing dialogue so I hope it’s a strength. Also, way too much research and detail and background stuff that will never make it onto the page, it’s just for me.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Overwriting, and flat description, A couple years ago I took a writing course and I submitted the first chapter of a fic I had written (one name changed lol), and they really hated it and it was really demoralizing. They said it read more like a screenplay instead of a book because there was no emotion, no thought, it was just “he did this and this and this.” I’ve tried improving since then, I hope I have.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I have done it! to varying levels of success. I wish I knew Egyptian Arabic so I could have included it more in ITBASM. I only ever include small bits in other languages, and I don’t bother to translate. I assume based on context people can figure it out or check for themselves.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Friends, in the fifth grade. it was handwritten in a notebook, which is possibly still somewhere in my parents’ house, but not with me.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

I would still like to finish one of my Gran Turismo fics but I don’t know if that will happen.

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

ITBASM as a whole. I know that by the end I was pretty much doing it for me and a handful of other people and I don’t know if it’s as good as it could’ve been but I felt really proud of it and what I did manage to accomplish. It felt more mine than other fics I’ve written.

#i was tagged

[alexandraswords]

F*CK NORMAL

An overdue ending to a (un)well decorated drinking career.

Introduction

Friday, June 9, 2023 9:28 AM

Today is one of those days where I am just tired, and a bit bored, but mostly tired. I am exhausted. Mentally at least. I have really been putting my all into my sobriety to the point where my day revolves around meetings but im starting to lose momentum. I have a headache, the dog wont stop barking, i'm trying to pop the zits on my face. Basically being alone with my discontented ass self is not something I'm great at... yet.

I should meditate or journal or text another AA member. But I just want to sleep and be normal and relax. But fuck normal.

I thought drinking was normal. I thought my diet of vodka and water and the occasional box of cheez-its was adulting. I thought I was mature and well refined and socially acceptable because I drank, just like everyone else, because, you know, drinking is normal... right?

Wrong. Not for me. I am NOT normal. So I have to do abnormal shit to keep my addictive eating disordered alcoholic riddled ass self sober and happy. I have to keep listening to other people because me making my own decisions landed me in a crack den sharing a room with a friend I would consider a sibling, whom which a fought with constantly to the point where I dragged the mattress from our third floor apartment (if you consider that uninhabitable shit hole, an apartment) down out side below out kitchen window so if I jumped maybe the universe would send me a sign saying that it is or isn't time yet. Okay so I didn't actually do that, but I sure as shit thought about it... a lot. Like a lot. I mean i couldn't even barely walk to the bathroom let alone haul some shit down the stairs. Hell, I wouldn't even walk across the street to get my own liquor. I would bribe my roommate by telling him if he went for me and took my card he could buy something for myself. I just didn't care anymore. I hated everything. I hated that I had to be loaded to be able to walk because my shakes were so bad. I hated that I had to drink to even feel sober and functional and not hallucinate and vomit and dry heave bright green bile. And worst of all I hated that I had lost control.

My eating disorder and my alcoholism made my reality disappear. The food temporarily until my life became a cage, and the nicest word I can think of to name it would be a vomitorium because it was actually that repulsive if you could see inside the walls of it. The alcohol took control over me so I didn't have to deal with food, but also made it so I didn't worry or care about ANYTHING. 

So I guess this is how I'm going to start this ... whatever rant of words form a book. Where I'm at right now. Because right now is all I have. Yes, I am in full self pity mode, but if there's one thing I've learned from AA it's that I need to take action, and never have I ever felt worse after going to a meeting. So,lets go fucking make our bed, and meditate or some shit and get ready for today. So, yeah, Fuck Normal.

So, Why the fuck not?

I got most talkative in fifth grade. The english section of my English SAT’s, I aced. People (my boyfriend) seem to like my writing and have told me If I don’t do something with it, then they’ll publish it themselves… which I’m pretty sure falls into the lines of plagiarism but lets be honest here. I am probably one of the biggest procrastinators when it comes to doing something that is actually good for me. Why? The fuck if I know. Maybe because all I’ve known has been chaos and panic since, like,  forever, that when it comes to the real things, like happiness and joy and pride in work that I’VE DONE… well, I'm just not used to that type of thing.  But I figured, fuck it. I can write a book. All i have to do is elaborate on how awesome I am at self sabotaging and add in some very few lessons I picked up and am still learning day by day. Basically I’ve decided its time to just put all my shit in one bound piece of parchment instead of having to explain my life story to everyone as if its my first day with a new therapist. 

But alas, melodramatic Alex is bored and avoiding meditating, to keep her shit together and be healthier, obviously,  because that would actually be beneficial to my well being. So for now i’ll just throw it in one of the corners in the back of my mind while it slowly simmers into a pot of anxiety attack soup while I try and explain to you (briefly before the pot starts boiling) how fucking insanely delusionally fantastically fucked my life is, and how I got here, and why I wouldn’t change one second of it for anything. But I mean, there’s forwards and shit in books right? So can this be like a PS after the main intro forward? ‘Cause This sober bitch has to go meditate before a meeting so I can stay mindful in my sobriety and not add homicide to my list of criminal activities. (That was a joke) So for now, just for today, Namaste Sober. 

P.P.S- enjoy the buffet of garbage that hopefully is not similar to mine. But if you can and most likely will relate if you’re reading this (most likely because my clever title struck a chord in your twisted little heart) then just know, you're not alone in this shit show, but no one ever really puts the shit show on the ‘gram now do they?

#sobriety #clean and sober #addiction recovery #sobercommunity

[normspellsman]

Hey bestie xx I would love to know these 🛒 💖 👀

Ly xoxoxxo

hihi love!!!

🛒 — What are some common themes you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

i feel like i write a lot about the sully brothers being feral for the reader lol. like, my works “she is mine”, “i trusted you”, & “take me with her” really encapsulate that.

i also write a lot about whatever character i’m writing for being a total lovesick puppy for the reader as well. i feel like a lot of people don’t or haven’t really experienced that as much as they should. everyone deserves to be loved & doted on by the one they love so i always try to include that in my works in hopes of making my readers feel that kind of appreciation.

even tho i may not put it in the notes (sometimes i do), a lot of my works are inspired by a song or multiple songs i’ve listened to. that shit really gets me going.

💖 — What made you start writing?

i literally can’t remember lol

i think it was around the fifth grade when i had a genuine interest in writing. a friend of mine was quite a good writer & would show her work to our teacher whenever she finished a short story. i guess that’s where my interest in writing came about. i decided to give it a shot since that’s when i became a heavy bookworm. i even had a little journal dedicated to my stories hehe. i wrote mostly about what i was reading at the time, creating my own characters & inserting them into the plot.

eventually, writing became a lifeline of sorts during some of the hardest times in my life. it really helped me express myself in ways i couldn’t verbally or physically do. it’s always been a part of my life & i have periods where i’ll write about something or for something for weeks or months on end & then there are times where i don’t & just simply live & do whatever else needs my attention.

👀 — Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

aahhh i have so many 😭😭 i’ll tell you all of them 🫶🏼

firstly, i have the second part of “take me with her” that has literally all of my attention currently. i’m at 10.4k+ words 🫣. she’s gonna be a long one lol! it will have a lot of angst, but a happy ending :). lo’ak & reader are such cuties in this piece but will stress everybody out because of how oblivious & quick they are to jump to conclusions. that’s all i’m going to say 🤭.

secondly, i started working on a request that is based on crybaby!reader & dad!jake sully & is so angsty, it’s not even funny. i only have a rough outline of the whole thing so i’m not too sure if that’s the one i’ll work on after publishing part two of “take me with her”.

thirdly, i have been heavily thinking about a lo’ak x fem!omatikaya!reader series where reader is betrothed to neteyam but is in love with lo’ak. both lo’ak & reader are interested in each other but are so oblivious that it’s sad to watch. i have an estimate on what i want to do with this plot & where i want it to go but i’m not too sure. entirely based on the song “figure you out” by VOLIÁ.

i have a lot of requests that include the reader & sully family, so there’s those that i’m working on.

my goal is to get some of my requests finished & published after finishing up part two of “TMWH” since i have so many. we’ll see how it goes.

love you too bestie!!! thank you so much for asking!!! hope you have a great day mwahhh 💋🫶🏼🤍

#avatar #avatar imagine #avatar x reader #atwow imagines #avatar: the way of water #atwow #atwow x reader #atwow x you #lo’ak x reader #lo’ak sully x reader #lo’ak fanfiction #lo’ak x y/n #lo’ak x fem!reader #lo’ak x you #lo’ak fic #lo’ak #lo’ak sully #lo’ak sully x y/n #lo’ak sully x you #lo’ak x human!reader #lo’ak x human reader #sully family x reader #jake sully x daughter #jake sully x reader #jake sully x daughter reader #jake sully x daughter!reader #angst #normspellsman asks <3

[kingeorgey]

the reception to ‘Faithless and Mystic, Faint as Can Be’ on ao3 has blown me away. i know i don’t reply to comments or reblogs (i get really anxious replying to comments) but they mean the WORLD to me. i obsess over each and every one.

as my thanks for reaching 1,000 hits, i present to you:

Things About “Faithless and Mystic, Faint as Can Be” that Only the Author Knows

1.) I kind of hate the title because it doesn’t fit anymore (see #2)

2.) This book was never meant to be a book. It was going to be a roughly 15,000 word 3-chapter fic, purely about the group’s first meeting post-cyclone. I was as shocked by The Kiss as the audience, and that’s when I made it a full length fic.

3.) I don’t know why I decided to put poems at the beginning of the chapters. Just for fun, originally. Now I feel like I’m committed. The first 3 chapters, I had the poems decided beforehand. Since then I either do it towards the end, or right before I upload. Is it pretentious? Slightly. But I’m committed now.

4.) I do not write characters if I don’t know their favorite ice cream flavor. Whether it’s Ricky or Penny, or the bully with one line in chapter 5. There are some tossups, though.

5.) Ricky’s dad, Henri, is actually Henri-Pierre Potts. He and Victoria met at a French-Canadian speaking university in Sudbury. Uranium was only a 40 minute drive from their post-uni jobs, and real estate was cheap, so they got a nice house and stayed there. Victoria’s maiden name is Charlotte.

6.) The Potts are not devout Catholics whatsoever, just put Ricky at St. Cassians because they make good money and figured it would be a better education. Ricky’s disability (better put, how others treated them) played a big role in their shift away from the religion- will be expanded upon in future chapters or a future oneshot.

7.) 99% of this book has been written with Peaky Blinders in the background.

8.) Mischa is roughly 6’5. Eastern Europeans tend to be pretty tall and I come from a tall family- I thought all boys were 6’3 minimum until I got into high school and 6’0 was considered tall. (I’m just under 5’11 myself)

9.) I purposely do not mention Noel’s height, or whether he is cisgender.

10.) I cannot, for the life of me, write Constance Blackwood. Ocean is a struggle, pretty neck and neck with Noel. The other three are extremely easy to write.

11.) Penny’s height is never explicitly stated, either. It’s mentioned that she’s small, yes- but, was I talking about her literal appearance?

12.) Victoria Potts cannot handle raw meat in any capacity. If Henri does not do the cooking (which, in chapter 4, we learn he does) the Potts don’t eat meat. My older sister is like this, I find it an interesting quirk.

13.) The kids are going to have a homecoming dance / end of autumn dance. I know that’s American, but I’m the author and my fanfictions are dictatorships. The Ricky and Penny interaction is going to be gloriously teenage boyish.

14.) Titling the chapters is the absolute last thing I do, and it’s one of my favorite parts.

15.) So far, one of my favorite moments as an author has been the ceramic plate metaphor in chapter 4 (I think) when Mischa stays the night at Ricky’s. This fic has really pushed my writing beyond what I thought it could be and even though it’s kind of stupid, the ceramic plate thing made me so proud when I typed it out. I’ve been consistently writing fanfiction since fifth grade (started with a One Direction trilogy, don’t ask) and now I’m in my third year of college. I’ve come a long way and I really do enjoy writing fanfic in my free time, it’s nice to write something I’m so insanely proud of!

That’s all for now- thank you endlessly for the support! 🤍

#jane doe #ride the cyclone #ricky potts #ride the cyclone fanfiction #penny lamb #constance blackwood #mischa bachinski #ocean oconnell rosenberg #noel gruber #spacedolls #rtc fanfic #fanfic

[todd-anderson-trash]

okay so i have some questions for u cause i love your art style

1. how long have you been drawing?

2. how did you learn to draw like that? like were you inspired by anyone specific or were you self taught?

and 3. do you have any tips for drawing/learning to draw different things? (specifically faces tho)

oh thank you so much!!!! i really appreciate the compliment 😭😭

to answer the questions:

1) i’ve been drawing since the summer of fifth grade (i was 9 and i’m now 18 so 9 years HAHA)

2) i’m completely self taught!!! i started before the era of internet in children and so i couldn’t really find reference outside of my routine trips to the library. the closest i think i’ve had to inspiration is the chris hart learn to draw books but other than that, i’ve been sort of on my own!!!

3) as for tips, i don’t want to say practice because im sure eVERYONE says practice. when learning different things, i look at pinterest models or take my own photos and try and figure things out from there (obviously my own face only goes so far but some people on pinterest are so unique,,,,,) when i was trying to find my art style i used to sketch out faces in a billion different styles and select the one that felt the most natural to me tbh 😭😭 (don’t do that - just draw what feels natural to you!). faces are really hard, but i think noses make the face and different noses can help beat “same face syndrome” and create unique characters :)!!!!

I REALLY HOPE THIS WAS HELPFUL!!!!! YOURE SO SWEET BTW THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! best of luck with art and anything else :DD!!!!!

#media is way too mean to beginner artists but that’s a conversation for another time #anon #anonymous #i kinda just recommend looking at noses because broken noses sharp noses grrrr noses…. #thank you anon!!! #i cant express how kind you are 😭😭 and how much i appreciate you #im sorry if this post seems incoherent somwtimes i’m really bad at voicing what’s going on in my brain

[bonesandthebees]

hi !! it is sd anon i know i’ve been gone for a While and also i would like it made known i keep trying to respond and then i get so incredibly distracted

ANYWAYS i am. in ohio rn. screaming. so like, i’m doing an internship in ohio and i’m here for the summer

for the first fucking time, i’m not in my city. and Everyone is about to converge there. i am Upset. at the same time also no? but i’m getting like fomo from not being in LA!!! i wanted to go to vidcon but the 24$ an hour in tempted me to ohio

i miss my city i miss socal i will be back for the july fourth weekend but. still. i am missing tommy meeting CHARLI. what even. i’m missing Everything. it’s okay though!!! i’m having such a good time here i went to a gay club for the first time and made out with some random person! tried tequila and gagged!

had some very good cocktails! won at my first ever game of top golf! found out my fifth grade best friend is in the city for the summer too so i’m going to go see her literally constantly! i’m going to an open mic poetry night tonight! i’m super close w one of the other interns and i am also somehow friends w his gf who has now tipsy asked to kiss me (their relationship is a bit open) And told me she wants me to be a bridesmaid in their wedding! also i went to pride w this intern and then we both realized we are Not parade people and left to get food and i got a bunch of drunk compliments from random people on the street!! i have so many things to tell you bee. i watched the other intern throw a chair in the pool and try to sit on it. one of the other interns got so drunk at a spanish club and we found out she was a Runner. she tried to climb the patio fence to get to the uber and eventually got carried out to the car by security !

how are you????? you graduated yes? how does it Feel

HI SD ANON!!! sorry this took me so long to answer I wanted to have a moment to properly read your message. but omg ohio?? that's so far goddamn. also trust me you probably dodged a bullet not going to vidcon. so many people got covid from it because literally no one was masking. (I also have covid rn but I didn't go to vidcon, I just went to santa monica pier one day and thought I'd be fine to not wear a mask since it was outdoors. hahaha I was wrong and I am suffering) (also $24 an hour fuck yes get that bread)

and DAMN CONGRATS ON GETTING GAME!! I've been to a lesbian bar several times and I've never made out with anyone there :/ you get more bitches than I do good for you sjkdfkldsf

(also, tequila gets easier to drink the more you try it. now i'm at a point where i genuinely like the taste of it in cocktails)

holy shit you're literally living out some college coming of age movie out there. tbh it sounds like you're having an amazing time and i'm so happy for you sd anon!!! what kind of internship are you even out there for?? that's so cool and I hope you keep having the time of your life because it sounds like this is just a really cool summer!!

I'm alright! currently have covid rn which sucks ass, and yes I kind of graduated—did the whole ceremony hullabaloo. but I do have to take summer classes to actually finish out my degree requirements so those just started, and currently I am too sick to actually pay attention to my lectures so we're off to a great start. hoping to go on a road trip with my friend up to san fran in a few weeks (after I've recovered of course) so we'll see how that goes!! otherwise i'm just lowkey panicking trying to figure out what i want to do for work after my summer classes end bc I really have no clue atm. i'll figure it out but i'm sick rn so i'm just not gonna worry about it lmaooo

#ask #sd anon

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

have you read any good books recently? :)

YES! I’m back in my ~reading era & have read 25 books since August which is a huge flex for me!!! Out of the 25, I’ve really particularly loved:

Lore by Alexandra Bracken (YA contemporary fantasy) - this was the first YA spec book I’ve read in a loooong time and it was such an easy primer for getting back into genre & helped me a lot with figuring out how to worldbuild!

Blood Like Magic by Liselle Sambury (YA contemporary fantasy) - this is another YA spec book that was so great getting me back into the genre!

The Marionettes & Wicked Souls by Katie Wismer (Adult dark fantasy/paranormal romance) - these are probably my two favourite books of the year and are part of a series! These books cured my 7 year reading slump haha and are the reason I’ve read SO much since August. Fast-paced, well-written, compelling characters. Everything a Twilight/YA 2010s vampire fan has dreamed of but for adults!

Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao (YA fantasy) - this one had such an interesting, specific world!

Once More, With Feeling by Sophie McCreesh (Adult literary fiction) - this was such a great nothing happens vibe. It could be too nothing-happens-y for people but for some reason I can’t stop thinking about the narrator even months later!

Tides by Sara Freeman (Adult literary fiction) - the beginning half of this is what I’d call a perfect novel! Last half fell off for me but I LOVE the opening so much & recommend folks read it if you’re looking to write more third present

Six of Crows & Crooked Kingdom (YA fantasy) - so late to the game and okay maybe these are my favourites of the year too! I’m absolutely obsessed with these books now hahaha special interest UNLOCKED. I got my sister onto these books too and we are absolutely unhingedly obsessed. I would die for Inej!!!

What Kind of Woman by Kate Baer (poetry) - SUCH a good poetry collection! Really reflective and quiet which is some of my fave types of poetry

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas (YA contemporary) - read this for a class and cried for 20 minutes on my bed after I finished it!

The Glass Witch by Lindsay Puckett (middle grade paranormal?) - LOVED this book! It was so cozy & a quick read, I finished it in one sitting. Really great mother-daughter dynamic here

Bitterblue by Kristen Cashore (YA fantasy) - this was the fifth or sixth reread of this book for me but the first reread since I maybe was 15? And it was my favourite time I’ve read this book. It’s everything I want out of a book, tbh! It’s meditative with a lot of tiny quests that all come together at the end (SO SATISFYING) & I love the audiobook narrator so much! So fond of Bitterblue as a character too and was pleasantly surprised by a lot of what happened since I knew who the characters were but couldn’t remember how large of a role they played in the story (I’m referring to Po lmaooo).

That’s just a few, I’ve read a lot of good stuff this year!

#asks

[theinkbunny]

tw: swearing

can I just fucking express how annoying it is to have the “standard of beauty” body??? I’m so fucking sick of it. I’ve had it since fucking fifth grade, the perfect hourglass figure. And yet the only fucking thing it’s done is made me insecure. Every god Damn day I have to cover my body up because I’m constantly getting stared at. For fucks sakes, I can’t even wear the outfits our school gives for free without being stared at like I’m a piece of meat by most of the teachers. THE TEACHERS. For crying out loud I have panic attacks some days because I’ll be out in public and have random, like 60 year old men following me around unless I’m in a big sweater and pants too large. Even then I’m still getting catcalled. I just am so fucking sick of this it isn’t even funny

and the pressure to remain tiny is insane. It got to the point back in 2020-2021 I would go days without eating or barely eating because I was told “I’d only be liked if I was skinny” which fucked me over completely

#Rant #vent