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tundrainafrica · 3 years

Text

Title: Lovebug (3/10)

Summary:

“It might be a bug.”

“A bug?”

“Sometimes the developers of this application make mistakes. This is our first time meeting I’m sure so…Isn’t it a bit weird that we just met for the first time and it rings like this? And for two strangers to coincidentally ring each other’s alarms?“

Levi is the developer of the Love Alarm App and Hange is married to Zeke.

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Other Chapters: 1 2 4 5

Notes: So I was really planning on my posting the next chapter tonight and wahhhh right on time @renrampant posted this beautiful piece of art inspired by lovebug. I hope this chapter satisfies <3. I hope the zekehan kiss which will be coming in a chapter or two does justice to the art too.

Levi was a man of his word and he always had been. The night he created his tinder profile, such a penchant had turned out to be more than just an inconvenient truth.

Something so ideally simple as to create a tinder profile, shouldn’t have taken him more than a few hours. Yet, Levi found himself searching, grappling for the right words to say, finding some way to make himself more attractive than he actually was. It turned out with his own meagre attributes, drawing the right person was an altogether daunting task.

Maybe he was overthinking that night. Overthinking had been enough though to leave him exhausted, retiring for the night even before he even noticed he had forgotten to place the phone by his bedside.

When he came into his senses again, sunlight was streaming through the room, turning even the dimmest corners a little less black and a little more gray. The phone was a warm heavy weight vibrating on his chest.

He had to leave for the office soon.

His sleeping schedule only provided him a generous hour and a half to shower and to commute. Frustration at not being able to complete his bio the night before had him sluggish. It had him unwillingly reaching towards the back of his mind as he showered, as he shaved and pulled his light sweater on.

He considered extirpating that nagging thought. All you have to do is put a bio right? Levi thought to himself as he made his way to the subway station. He memorized the way to work like the back of his hand, all the way until the train platform He took the risk of walking straight ahead, eyes completely glued to the screen in front of him.

How it had taken him so much focus to decide on a bio. How it had taken him so much energy and thought. He didn’t know.

Levi though was a man of his word and thus, he had ended up clicking save after typing only a few simple straightforward words.

'Currently software testing. If interested, please swipe right.’

***

“So Levi, you’re a software tester?”

Levi found himself stifling a surprise snort at that question. The sound had come out as something he managed to disguise as a clearing of his throat. Hopefully it worked.

They had just settled on one of the corner seats of a chain coffee shop, a conservative choice for a first date. That is, if he were planning on impressing her. The date felt more like an obligation than an actual passion project. And obligations always had Levi’s mind running on overdrive, even with things as simple as ice breakers.

He didn’t expect that to have been the first line of conversation. He didn’t even know how to pronounce her name yet. The woman was looking expectantly though, bending a little forward. Whether she had been feigning interest or whether she had been genuinely interested, Levi couldn’t really tell.

Technically he tested software for a living and he didn’t need to really expose himself as the head engineer of the software so he settled for a nod.

“Oh, what kind of software do you test?” The woman in front of him pressed.

Levi snuck a glance at his phone under the table. Lynn. But was it pronounced ‘lint?’ Or was it pronounced ‘line?’

He was overthinking again. But when the woman had pronounced his own name correctly, it seemed almost criminal to have to mispronounce her name. Maybe he could table that question for a while.

Or never go on a date with her again. Levi thought to himself as he looked back up at her with the most casual face he could muster. “I test biology related software,” he answered. He purposely kept it vague. He had to note she was also a love alarm user. She had mentioned that part in her bio. Bringing it up in a conversation though was another issue altogether. If he brought it up, she might ask. If the conversation continued, she might ask more.

Did he want to expose then that he was the one who had designed the actual application?

“Biology sounds very interesting,” she commented. She didn’t seem interested in Biology though.

Not as interested as Hange. That quick comparison came like an uninvited visitor and Levi found himself just slapping the phone on top of the table on impulse. The clack of the phone on the table, the metal on hardwood rattled him enough to drive those thoughts away.

Lynn jumped in surprise. “Are you okay?” she asked.

Levi felt the blood rush to his face. When he was thinking longingly about someone married, and comparing her to Lynn, his date for the day, blushing seemed like an almost welcome sensation. “I heard you use the love alarm,” Levi started. When he was already making a fool of himself, might as well go straight to the point.

“You would like to check if we’re attracted to each other huh?” She asked. “But I don’t think we’d find out by the first date…”

“I said on my profile, I wanted to test a software so that’s why I’m here now actually.” Those words forced themselves out of Levi and they came out as a disturbed flow, as guttural sounds that burned in his throat. In the end, the honest man inside him prevailed.

“Test?” Lynn had been nice enough at least to mirror him and put her phone on the table. “You wanna test the love alarm now?”

Levi nodded as he fixed his eyes on the screen in front of him. He was familiar enough with the banner in the front of the screen to know with just a quick glance. The love alarm was active.

He didn’t have to open the application or pull down the banner to know the result. He was all too familiar with how the application would work even when placed on silent mode. The banner should at least appear, with the words ‘Someone nearby is in love with you.’

If there were at least two people around them then, if somebody else rang it, Levi would have been compelled to check. Both applications were void of hearts though. Levi closed the application and pocketed his phone. “It looks like we aren’t attracted to each other.” He only realized as those words escaped from his lips, how awkward or maybe how rude of a comment it came out as.

Lynn’s eyes were wide for a second before she furrowed her brows, framing those brown eyes. “Of course, we just met. I think attraction is something that can be built over time right?” Lynn answered.

“You’re not wrong,” Levi said. Really, he didn’t even believe he could be someone who could rattle off facts about love. Hange had said it herself, he was a little inexperienced.

He wanted to be right about it though. He wanted to believe attraction could be built over time. By extension, he wanted to hold on to the possibility that attraction could also dissipate into apathy. After all, all those emotions should have been in the same ballpark.

“So what do you think?” Lynn asked. She had said some words before that but maybe Levi had reflected too deeply to have processed anything more than the face of the woman before him.

If he blinked and squinted a little afterward, he could pretend that same wavy brown hair was Hange’s. Hange’s hair though was a little shorter and a little messier and when bright light shone at it from certain angles, it came off as a little red. Hange’s eyes were a little bigger and her face was a little rounder.

Lynn was just too different from Hange to ever be Hange.

When Levi let his vision blur though, let it focus on her features slowly then all at once, he could play pretend. When looking from his peripherals, settling for blurs instead of clear pictures, he could pretend the brown hair was Hange’s, the waves that fell on her shoulders as just another layer.

He didn’t even notice it, even after they had split the bill and when she turned down his half hearted offer to take her home. That was until her last greeting came out as they parted ways along the main street that led up to the train station.

Her last greeting was a long way off from a conventional goodbye but it had done its job to get Levi’s attention.

“By the way Levi, my name isn’t Hange.” She unmatched him on tinder after that.

***

Levi decided to put a small note under his name.

Software Engineer. Currently testing software. If interested please swipe right.

It turned out though, there were people who never read bios. “So, what do you do for a living?” The woman in front of him asked. His case in point.

Hange likes reading. An invasive thought tore through him then and Levi wondered how that could have ever been related to the situation at hand.

When he questioned himself, he found out why he even reflected on it in the first place. Right, since Hange likes reading, she wouldn’t have overlooked my bio if she found me on tinder.

Of course, she wouldn’t have tinder. Levi took a deep breath then, reminding himself for the nth time that he was going to have to settle for people who weren’t married to billionaire business tycoons.

He was going to have to settle for people who weren’t Hange.

But he didn’t have to settle for her either. She was underwhelmed yet underwhelming at the same time and Levi was starting to miss Lynn already as the more desirable option.

He quickly shook his head. You don’t have to see any of these people again. All you have to do is turn the love alarm on and watch it ring. But he was feeling so underwhelmed, so disappointed with the turn out of the date in front of him just minutes into meeting her. He had entertained just the thought of cancelling their food there, the only thing stopping him being the wasted food and the poor waitress who would have to clean the mess. So he decided he could at least stay long enough to at least try.

“So, have you heard of the love alarm Nanaba?” Levi asked. He may have put just a little more emphasis in her name. After all, he didn’t want the Lynn-Hange incident happening again.

“Of course, who hasn’t learned about the love alarm app? Actually I have it with me right now.” Nanaba pulled out her phone and dropped it in front of him.

Ten years of hard and stressful work made Levi immune to even the slightest compliments. “You wanna do some testing?” He asked. “Don’t you want to see if we’re compatible?”

Compatible. That was a complex word and Levi started to doubt the applicability of that application in determining compatibility. It was a love alarm, not a compatibility alarm.

Nanaba grinned. “Sure but I have to tell you, I don’t think it actually works.”

Levi raised his eyebrows in mock surprise. He hoped it seemed genuine though. “Really?” When he momentarily thought back to the numerous support tickets logged just within the past two weeks thought, his expression may have turned just a little genuine. It was a mess of an application after all.

“I’ve been using it for a few months already... And it hasn’t rung, not even once. .”

Maybe nobody likes you. Levi had some ironclad rules about testing, always start with user errors, not with application errors and that had him instinctively blaming her but he had to note, most people had one to two matches, Nanaba didn’t look particularly unlikeable either. Just with the thought of statistics, it should have at least rung once if she kept it on regularly.

Levi quickly switched from his engineering hat to his much more empathetic yet still very shitty customer service persona. “Maybe you just haven’t found the one who could ring it for you?” The words tasted so sweet they almost instantly clabbered into sour milk in his mouth. He felt like he was in some sappy Korean drama.

“Well, it rang with my friend Mike once but we don’t see each other that way…”

“Oh, really? Then why did you say it’s broken?”

“Because it rang with my best friend and that doesn’t count...” Nanaba wanted to say more. It was all over her face and her tone.

Levi was in no mood though to play love counselor. But he wasn’t an asshole enough to cancel the food and ditch a seemingly sad woman either. The food came at the right time when Levi was entertaining the prospect of just leaving.

Nanaba looked very much in the mood to speak, speak about something a little more emotional, a little more serious than hobbies and Levi found himself hesitant to force the conversation elsewhere.

Levi came out of that date with no second date, no results. Nanaba on the other hand came out of that date with new found confidence to confess her feelings to her long time best friend.

By the time they had exited the shop, Levi was already swiping again, grumbling obscenities about how testing wasn’t supposed to be that hard.

***

“Rico Brzenska,” Levi said. There were only too many ways to mispronounce ‘Rico.’ Still, two failed dates had him careful about names already. “So what do you do for a living?” And careful about other things as well.

“I’m a student.”

Levi almost spit his tea out at that. He should have been more careful. He had read her bio, she had mentioned something about a love alarm app and that had him swiping right already. He was sure if he had seen any indication of a minor, he would have swiped left. “Really? What kind of student?” He asked, having gone subtly for his phone and pushing it further under the table.

“A graduate student taking business and commerce.”

Levi only had to take a quick glance at his settings to be sure, there were no chances of him dating a minor, as long as nobody was lying about their age on tinder. Being an honest man though, Levi had a harder time looking through white lies.

Such awareness had him studying her round face, her large blue eyes for a little longer. She could have been a minor. Or he could just be paranoid.

But when dating a minor could actually mean jail time, Levi didn’t want to take any chances. “Do you have any ID on you?”

“ID?” Rico frowned. “Why would you need an ID?”

“You said in your bio you wanted to test the love alarm right?”

Rico nodded. “Yes, I just wanna make sure before I start dating someone, we already have the initial attraction. I don’t wanna waste my time with people who aren’t attracted to me or I’m not attracted to, if you get what I mean?”

In response, Levi hummed in understanding. He did get what she meant. The last thing he wanted to do though was inadvertently ring the love alarm of someone a good many years younger than him and risk jail time. He probably wouldn’t ring it anyway.

But just in case. Levi put his phone out on the table, leaving one hand outstretched as if to wait for an ID.

No ID. No Love Alarm. He was sure that was the sign he was giving.

"Wait you don't think I'm off age do you? You think I'm lying on my profile?"

"No, I don't think you are," Levi said. Maybe his expression betrayed his words.

Rico eventually let go of an ID, a school ID from a familiar university logo Levi was sure he had seen a few times. And her face then had been one of pure irritation and maybe a hint of fury.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "There? Legal enough for you?"

Still a student, still too young to be engaging in anything with an older man, at least by Levi's standards. Still, he found himself almost obligated to just test the alarm in front of her.

Rico didn't look happy at all to be heavily scrutinized, or doubted. When she activated her application, Levi saw it as a cue to activate his own.

All you have to do is press the button. Levi told himself. He knew it wouldn't ring. He felt no attraction to her but paranoia had his brain going in all sorts of directions at once. Maybe the blood that rushed through his cheeks then was love. Maybe his hands shaking then were nervousness and excitement at meeting one's destined partner.

Also Rico wore glasses. For some reason, that had him thinking back to someone else with glasses, he wondered for a second if her eyes were much larger without those on. And he wondered if it was similar for Hange.

How such a long train of thought could have occupied him in such a short frame of time, interrupted by a quick sleight of hand, Levi didn't know.

But it had ended so abruptly, almost violently with the familiar cacophony of two love alarms ringing at once.

For a second, Levi sat frozen on the table as his mind went ahead, racing over theories and potential testing methods to deduce the root behind the outcome.

Do I have a glasses kink? That had been Levi's first thought. He looked down at his own phone to see the one heart and the bright message on top.

One person nearby is in love with you.

His second thought had been a little more objective. It's a bug. He told himself. I'll just have to do further testing.

Rico’s eyes were wide in shock. For a few seconds or so, she struggled to move and he couldn’t blame her. After all, the ringing of multiple love alarms in such a silent place like a cafe on a weekday morning was a scene that definitely had the potential to catch some people’s attention.

Levi couldn’t be too sure. He didn’t want to survey his surroundings either so he narrowed his view to just his own love alarm and back at Rico. The latter went for her phone.

From his own angle, Levi couldn’t see her interface but he was familiar with the way she had swiped it, to know she had turned it off. The two love alarms continued to ring in the silence. Even with the tension and awkwardness so thick that made it difficult to slog through, his brain was still moving.

He was blessed with at least enough deduction skills to quickly figure it out for himself.

He was in love with someone else in the room. But who? He surveyed his surroundings, keeping his view closed to only one person at a time. That gave him enough time to brush away the rest of the stares that surfaced from having made such a scene with the harsh ring of the love alarm.

Only after scanning for a second longer did his spatial awareness catch up to him. The other ringing was coming from behind. Levi turned behind him, quickly enough to catch the mop of chestnut brown hair. Fortunately, he had been slow and careful enough to pull away at the last second, missing her forehead by a hair’s breadth.

“Watch where you’re fucking going!” That had been Levi’s first instinct. After all, he was still seeing red, just imagining their heads slamming into each other in the middle of a very silent cafe.

The brunette in front of him, put one finger to her masked mouth, pointing at one of the old fashioned signs just above her seat.

In silence, there is eloquence. It read.

Hange was a very eloquent person. Levi had read enough messages from her and stalked enough of her works to know that much. Any other day, maybe any other minute, he would have been happy to listen, learn a thing or two from the master of diplomacy.

But Hange had virtually come out of nowhere. In the middle of a date.

Giving her a onceover though, noting her masked face. The only two things that made her recognizable then was her mop of brown hair tied in a ponytail and her masked mouth. Still, that had been more than enough for Levi to have seen through it.

She had settled on the seat behind him. The way she looked back at him and the way she had seemed a little too relaxed with a half finished cup of coffee just in front of her, Levi was sure she had been there for a while.

How much did she hear? Levi couldn’t ask just yet. The alarms were still ringing and as soon as Levi turned it off on his end, it stopped. Yet people continued to stare. More importantly, Rico was still staring from behind him.

“Do you two know each other?” She asked.

The answer didn’t come as quickly for Levi as he would have wanted it too. They knew each other, they’ve met at least twice. They’ve eaten out together once. But technically, did it count as ‘knew?’ Did Hange feel the same way?”

“We’re colleagues, working on the same project,” Hange answered for him.

Levi almost instantly realized he liked that answer. Colleagues. It was definitely more intimate than ‘knew each other.’ While at the same time, it held more respect in one’s skills and talent than the word ‘friends.’ And it implied in its own little way that Hange cared about the project just as much as he did.

It had been difficult to muster a straight face then. Still, he pushed forward, nodding when he struggled to stifle the motions of his mouth and the blood that rushed to his face then.

“But the… the love alarm… it…” Rico continued to speak. She shifted her eyes quickly between both Levi and Hange. “And you…” Her eyes fixed on Hange then.

Levi followed her eyes instinctively. Did Rico recognize Hange? He couldn’t confirm it for himself. Soon after that, Rico didn’t say anything in response. Instead she blinked back surprise. She started to clean out her things and place them into her bag.

“Wait, you’re leaving?” Levi wanted to pull her back. For a split second, he had reached out his hand, grasping his hand before pulling quickly back. He didn’t mind losing the chance at a second date. Just the thought of putting someone in such a tight and uncomfortable position had his stomach turning. He couldn’t for the life of him tell what she was thinking but he at least felt the tension.

Rico didn't have the most eloquent response either. “Sorry about this… I guess on my end it just feels wrong meddling in somebody else’s relationship… I don’t wanna be the one who’d stop people from getting together.”

Levi was quick to understand though. His thoughts flew back to Nanaba just a date ago and the long one sided counseling session which consisted of Nanaba’s long drawn monologues and Levi’s own grunts of understanding. The date which eventually ended with Nanaba finally figuring out for herself the best course of action.

You know, you’re right, Both of our love alarms rang. And that’s the whole point of this app right? If they both ring, it’s a sign, we should act on it.

And that was the whole point of the love alarm. How many times had he reviewed marketing material, love story commercials which ended with that same message?

Levi opened his mouth ready to speak up. By then, Rico was already out the door, any evidence of her presence just a second ago disappearing within seconds of her leaving. The chimes by the store entrance gradually slowed to a weak dance, the people who watched her leave eventually fell back to whatever they were doing beforehand, and Levi’s own protests had deadened into a light whisper.

It’s a bug. Besides, she’s married. The words had settled in his tongue like a familiar friend and he was sure if given the chance, he would have managed to say it loud and clear.

Levi looked back in his phone to see Rico had unmatched him, just a little too quickly.

“I think we should get that bug fixed soon,” Hange whispered. She sounded like she was stifling a laugh.

"For someone who's worried about the bug, you looked like you had a swell time ringing our alarms just a while ago," Levi said bitterly.

"Zeke's on a business trip and I'm bored and lonely."

“Well, don't take it out on me.” Levi took out his wallet and dropped the cash by the side of his drink, counting enough to pay for Rico’s drink too. He didn’t think too much about the receipt or the change.

The murmurs around him were more than enough to have him hurrying out of the cafe. Did they recognize Hange?

He thought it an appropriate time to satisfy his curiosity when they were both a good distance from the shop. “Do you think people recognize you as Zeke Jaeger’s partner?”

Hange put one finger to her mask. “I saw you outside the shop and when I thought of ringing your love alarm, I did what I could to prepare." Her eyes were still smiling though and Levi was sure there was a laugh behind that mask. "Besides, even though most people recognize Zeke, I don't think they'd notice me. I don’t join the interviews or events as much as he does,” Hange said.

Levi noticed though that Hange was the type to just get lost in her surroundings. Ort hat was at least what Levi had picked up on her the first few times they have gone together. She quickly relaxed after that short and quick question and answer, and in the way that she navigated through the crowds a little too clumsily yet a little too playfully, Levi found evidence backing up his mini theory.

Even if anybody did recognize her, she probably wouldn’t have noticed. And that little realization had made it much harder for Levi to stomach what just happened in the cafe. They needed to get the bug fixed fast. “Let’s go back to the office, maybe do some more testing.”

“Isn’t that why we’re here now?” Hange asked, pointing towards the general direction of their building. “I visited your office this morning because I didn't have much to doand I thought I could be helpful. You weren’t there so I asked around and one of the people from the support team told me you were out. She said probably in your favorite tea shop.”

“You met Petra?” Levi asked. “Redhead? Short?” He soon added, noting her confused expression.

Hange snapped her fingers. “Yes, that’s her name.”

“Yeah, she knows my favorite tea shop. Gets me my favorite mix of tea leaves every year for Christmas,” Levi said, more to fill the air with at least some conversation on the way back.

It took Levi a while to notice Hange had peeked at his face even as he averted his gaze, looking elsewhere.

She spoke up. “Say… Have you ever tried testing your love alarm on her?”

***

Petra was one of the newer employees, a little shy but particularly mature for her age. She was notably competent and had a particularly better handle of her emotions than most of the other colleagues. Her most important asset had been her level headedness even under the pressure of scrutiny. Petra was the type of person to know when she was attracted to someone and she was the type of person to admit it for the sake of a smoother testing process.

Thus, she was one of Levi's favorite volunteers when testing the love alarm.

And Levi was sure, to some degree she could have liked him. If he were to consider her words as truth, and the hearts at the bottom of the screen as some indication.

When they were testing every release on fifty employees over a one week period, putting results side by side with checklists and biometrics tests, they were as thorough as it could be. It was always the case that when it was the two of them testing with each other, Levi’s love alarm always rang, Petra’s didn’t. Every single time, Petra would tag that instance as ‘QA passed.’

It could have been a placebo effect or it could have also been just an admittance to get the testing process done just a little faster but Petra never seemed like the type, breezing through the awkward scenes that came with testing a love application like they were part of a job. If it ever bothered her, she never showed it.

Levi’s alarm never rang in any of the tests he had ever taken anyway. When he double checked though, lining up the results side by side with checklists of what to look out for when one was in love, he found that it never had been a big deal. He had never been attracted to anyone in particular anyway.

“So, I’m the only one your love alarm rang with huh?” Hange asked.

Except maybe Hange.“Yeah, when doing QA work, I’ve had to test with the other employees and it never rang with any of them,” Levi admitted.

“How does QA work?”

“We test with employees, users… All on a volunteer basis if I may clarify.” Levi added that last part for just a touch of professionalism. “We have acceptable ranges for biometrics, checklists and we have a certain number of results which need to fit there to consider a release viable.”

“Why don’t we test using the QA procedure?”

“Because the QA process is a logistical nightmare. We plan a venue. We plan a schedule and we have to get a certain number of people to show up.”

“No, I meant… What if we try it, just the two of us. We answer the checklists, we take each other's biometrics and see if that falls in the exact range for ‘love'?” Hange suggested and her excitable tone only made it seem like she was suggesting something almost revolutionary.

Levi sighed. “I’d rather we use QA testing as a last resort.”

Hange’s face fell. “Why?”

“Because.”

“Because?”

“Because…” Levi would have liked to leave it at that. As he looked at Hange who had leaned on the wall, crossing her arms and staring back at him expectantly, he remembered, it was a professional relationship. If the partner of their very important investor demanded answers, she would get answers so he settled for something seemingly acceptable yet very pathetic in the grand scheme of things. “We’re going to have to answer standardized psychology quizzes and take some physical tests.”

“And I’m sure you’d have a few samples lying around. Let’s see what information we can get,” Hange said.

There were other reasons Levi had been hesitant to suggest such an exam in the first place. It had been difficult to grasp for the exact reasons until they arrived in the conference room Levi had reserved.

The room was a vacuum that had the special power of just drowning out voices, footsteps from just outside the hallway. The tables were empty, the white board put away towards the side of the room. It was clean, empty, void of any presence or even trace of it. It made Levi just a little more painfully aware of his heartbeat, his moist palms and his wild uncoordinated breathing.

He might just fail the physical exam. More specifically, he might just fail if he took it then, at the exact moment.

Grasping for some win, or at the least some comfort in that situation, he had half the mind to run through the ‘Am I in love?’ checklist or at least what he remembered from it. If he were a little honest, there might have been some things he would have checked.

But it didn’t mean he would fail it right?

“What do you think?” Hange pressed. She had settled for one of the chairs in the room.

Levi had answers, but he couldn’t share it just yet. Inviting her to take that meant that he was entertaining the prospect that they might just be in love with her---a cursed prospect.

“Or do you have any other ideas?” Hange asked. She cocked her head to one side in thought.

“If you give me a little more time to come up with something…” Levi said.

“Petra told me you have a week or two before they release the next fix. You’ve done most of the coding work. You just need to fix this bug right?” Hange was very talkative. It turned out Petra had been just a little talkative too with the right prodding by Hange. “Why don’t you wanna just test it now?” Hange's face darkened then to something almost threatening.

And maybe Levi was a little intimidated. He quickly turned away, unable to control whatever expression would force itself out of him then.

“Levi?” Her voice was grating. The echoing in the room didn’t do much to help alleviate it. “Come on, please? I want this investment as much as you do.”

If the partner of their very important investor demanded answers, she would get answers.

But it didn’t have to be the correct answers. “Fine,” Levi said. “You know, maybe the way we test this application… the way we test for love might actually be flawed so maybe some feedback from a researcher like you could be useful.”

Hange grinned from ear to ear, the ominous face of a while ago just a memory Levi could probably forget. “So where do we start?”

***

Testing for the biological numbers was quick with the right tools.

Heart rate. Hormone levels. Stress Levels. Pain Sensitivity. They had all the right test kits on hand with a document detailing the acceptable range.

All reasonable levels, albeit a little too far from the midpoint that Levi held on to the possibility that maybe they could log it all in as some coincidence. The checklists were just a little more difficult and maybe Levi was just thinking a little too far off that he had started to have a mini identity crisis.

I think about my partner a few times a day.

Partner: Referring to the person one tests the application with. Levi was aware of that much having tested the application long before. Yet for some reason, he had to loudly remind himself of that, even within the confines of his mind.

He entertained hypotheses. If Hange were his partner, that would be polyamory and that could even start the scandal of the year, or even the decade. He didn’t want to be part of that.

So he ticked ‘never’ because technically Hange wasn’t his partner anyway.

I want to be with my partner everyday.

Hange was Zeke's partner. Just the idea of getting in between a married couple had Levi's stomach turning and it had been easy to tick never right next to it.

My partner trusts me.

It was too early to tell, or so that was what Levi told himself then.

The word ‘partner’ had been a convenient term. Zeke had been a convenient presence in his mind. And that had him ticking all the 'nevers' towards the edge of the page just a little more confidently.

Technically, Hange wasn’t his partner. Technically they just met, so words like trust, amicability, happiness, charisma, compatibility and charm, didn’t have to apply to them just yet. A few minutes later, he had checked enough ‘nevers’ to have armed himself with the confidence to look her in the eye.

Hange though wasn’t reciprocating, looking deep in thought with whatever question she had been answering. She bit her lip.

Hange eventually met his gaze. Instead of being just a little more satisfied, Levi was a little disappointed, more in himself than in anyone else. For that few seconds that Hange bit her lower lip in thought, her cheekbones had seemed fuller, her hazel eyes held an almost imperceptible yet still very enthralling glimmer, and regretfully, he didn’t take the time to relish it when it was right in front of him.

“How’s the test?” Levi asked.

“It’s fine,” Hange said.

Levi slid his own answers towards her. “We just have to calculate the number of ‘always,’ the number of 'sometimes,' the number of ‘nevers’ and just match it on the document over here.” He turned his laptop towards her.

“I can do it,” Hange said, pulling the laptop towards herself. The next few minutes passed in silence. Levi stared at the ceiling, trying to keep his heartbeat in time with the clack of the keyboard. Hange typed fast and chaotically but in a way, there was rhythm and order and that had helped him get into a position where he could just drop his shoulders and fall back on the chair behind him.

“You don’t think I trust you?” Hange asked.

“It’s too early to tell right?” Levi said. That answer had been scripted and it slipped out of his mouth easily.

Hange’s let out a light sound, a cross between with a hum and a chuckle. “Well, to tell you the truth, I put here that I didn’t trust you either.”

“Well that makes both of us, I guess,” Levi said.

Hange continued to type, filling the room with some predictable rhythm, a predictable rhythm his own wild heartbeat failed to provide. Eventually, it stopped, with one loud clack on the ‘enter’ button or at least, Levi guessed it was the enter button.

Soon after, Hange leaned back on the backrest of her own chair. “Biometrics all fall in the acceptable range. Test results all fall in the unacceptable range,” she said, her tone unreadable. Too professional but Levi surmised it could be her usual ‘research’ tone. He hadn’t known her long enough to be certain.

“Maybe we should get to know each other first and try to answer again?” Hange suggested. “We just met so I can’t fully trust you yet but I think, we could get along with the right…”

Environment? Amount of time? Mutual Processing? Levi couldn’t be too sure of the answer. She had said something else after the word ‘right’ or maybe she didn’t. Still, there was a problem that needed to be solved, there was an issue that needed to be addressed that extended beyond the need to resolve the feelings between two strangers.

Or two colleagues. Levi decided he liked the word colleagues better. “So what do you suggest Hange?” Levi asked.

“I wanna do further research with this application. We can tweak whatever processes you’re using now to QA, whatever processes you’re using to determine whether people are in love. Maybe we just have to fix that a bit.”

“This application took years to develop. It’s gonna be difficult to overturn a lot of the processes.”

“Without the right funding…” Hange said. She wagged her finger and gave Levi a knowing look.

Levi narrowed his eyes accusingly at Hange. “So how’s convincing Zeke been going?”

“That’s the caveat,” Hange said. “He’s not a very techy guy. He’s an investor and scientist more than anything and sometimes, even with the right proposition, he’ll stick to some really weird reasons why he wouldn’t invest in something. I don’t blame him though since millions of dollars are usually on the line with each investment.”

" So, I’m guessing you tried to convince him?”

Hange nodded. “I did. And it looks like he won’t budge unless you fix that ‘bug.’”

“The bug which caused his love alarm to not ring around you?” And the bug which is causing our love alarms to ring. Levi added silently to himself. “Can you explain to him that we need the money to continue improving the system?”

“I’ve been with him for years, Levi. I know how he is.”

“So what do you suggest we do?”

Hange hummed. “I don’t know how programming works but...Maybe you can program the application to make it work just the way that Zeke likes it... For the time being?”

***

No. Just no.

Those were the words written all over Petra’s expression. Levi only had to look at the other faces around him to be very much sure, everyone agreed with Petra

For posterity’s sake, he repeated those words. “I understand that the regression test is done but unless I am able to get to the bottom of this bug, we won’t be able to release the fixes,” Levi said. He kept his words soft, yet still loud enough to echo through the conference room. He said it slowly and clearly. Just in case it was a bit harder to hear through shock and surprise.

“Sir, a lot of the fixes in this release have been promised for months,” Petra argued. The professionalism in her voice was still admirably apparent.

“Erwin’s orders. I’m just repeating them now,” Levi said.

“Is there anything we can do to help?” Gunther asked. “Have you found the reason behind it? I’m guessing if you do… we might have to make some changes to the code and go through regression testing again.”

“If ever that happens, I’ll handle the testing on my end,” Levi said. “It wouldn't be too hard, it’s just a blip in the code.”

“So you’ve found the cause?” Eld asked.

“Yes.” If Levi didn’t open his mouth to speak then, he was sure no one would have for the next few minutes. There was something festering in the silence, some common sentiment that he sensed among them, among those doubtful faces tinged with irritation and confusion.

He had always told them before. Always assume a user error first. And there was an apparent user error which he was sure everyone was entertaining.

What if Hange just didn’t love Zeke? A prospect that was ambrosia to Levi’s lips but at the same time a piece of ambrosia that he was sure was laced with poison. He couldn’t chew it, he couldn’t swallow for fear of just letting go for a few seconds longer, letting a smile curl up his lips during the most inopportune times.

Levi turned to Oluo in particular who he guessed would have been the one most likely to bring it up. The latter remained begrudgingly silent. It looked like no one else wanted to bring it up either. After all, Zeke was a huge opportunity for company growth, a huge opportunity for investment.

Eld spoke up.“If there’s anything we can do, just please ask. It might be too difficult of an investigation to do for one person.”

Levi shook his head. “I think this is an investigation I’d rather do alone.” There were parts of the investigation he hadn’t admitted to the team yet. All they had gotten in the report from Erwin was that Zeke’s alarm didn’t ring with Hange there but the scandal of their alarms ringing together was something he didn’t want circulating around the building.

And more importantly, there was another plan he and Hange have been entertaining, an almost unscrupulous scheme and he didn’t want anyone else involved.

***

It felt like he had run a marathon and he had been doing that slow jog for at least three days already. Or maybe it felt like he was trudging through a dessert and had been trapped there for the past three days.

He couldn’t tell for sure but his throat was constantly dry, his heart was constantly beating fast and any notification from Hange was either a water break or an oasis.

Three days ago, Zeke came back from his business trip. Four days ago, Levi sent the apk file to Hange.

“It’s a test build,” Levi said as soon as she confirmed she received it. “A test build I hard coded just for Zeke’s use.”

“Meaning…”

“Just say it’s a test build. Say I’ve fixed the code.”

“Meaning…”

“I hardcoded his data and the expected result. If he opens the alarm around you, his phone will ring," Levi explained. "It’s just a quick fix for now.”

Just a quick fix. Levi told himself multiple times. He had changed the code drastically enough though that the love alarm wouldn’t work as an expected love alarm, having customized it just to fit Zeke’s desires. For just long enough to get the money and long enough to find the actual cause of the bug.

“And tell him we’re asking for feedback before we release it,” Levi had added then.

The last time he had met her was three days ago when he dropped her the file, explained its use and when she had promised to download the apk file to Zeke’s phone.

She sent intermittent updates over the four day period. He liked it. He was enjoying it. He had confidence in the application.

Levi had to ruefully note though that the conversation never strayed too much from work. As expected from colleagues, as expected from business partners working towards the same goal.

Maybe a few times he had asked some vague questions just to get a hint of her daily life.

How’s Zeke? How are you guys?

Still, the answers always went back to updates on the application. When he was trudging to the desert or while running through some dirt track in his mind, even when the water tasted too artificially like plastic---too professional for his taste---he settled for it.

That was the only water he had after all.

Hange limited herself to ten messages a day, mentioning something about being bad at replying, apologizing for late replies. Levi had to admit though when he was working, he was guilty of a similar thing. Yet he found himself just a little irritable, a little desolate at such an outcome.

A week after he had last seen Hange, he decided to start reading the books about love again.

Love is a choice. Overused.

To love others, one must love themselves. He got that already.

Levi dropped his reader by the side of his bed and stared at the blank ceiling above him. The books on love were biased. They created for themselves an assumption, an assumption that she was his and whatever he had to deal with was some inner turmoil inside him, an inability to love. But what if he was willing to love? What if it was just a matter of circumstances just not letting him indulge in such an emotion.

He had entertained that for just a second before brushing away the nagging thought and the annoyingly sticky guilt that clung to it. Maybe there was merit in just turning off his emotions then, just discarding the overall idea of love. He deleted the books Hange had sent him from his ebook reader.

If the company got the funds, if Hange got the greenlight on her research, he would see her again, he would be forced to read those books and they would be forced to work together.

Then and there, he didn’t need to think about it just yet. He didn’t have to put himself through the pain of analyzing circumstances and emotions that left a heavy weight and an ache in his chest.

He could forget Hange until then. He could ignore her messages and maybe focus on something else like an action movie or a video game. He had streaming service subscriptions, he had game emulators on his laptop. Soon he discovered, with the right combination of focus, willpower just getting through slow starts, it was easy to immerse himself in something as mundane as a city building game.

He was halfway through building one of his farms and was already attached to the regular city goers of the small city he created for himself when his phone rang. That abrupt and grating sound had been enough of a reminder, Levi still wasn’t completely over being sad. He quickly reached for the phone on the side of his bench in an ungraceful and seemingly desperate chain of motions that had him almost ashamed of himself.

His laptop had been one of the victims, toppling over to the side of the bed but by god’s grace it had only skimmed the edges before laying flat on its side.

Levi muttered a soft curse. This message better be worth it. And the only message he decided would be worth it, would be a message from Hange which didn’t involve that stupid application.

Leviiiiiii are you free? :))))))))))

Free when? Levi was quick to reply. Now? Tomorrow? Next week? Really, he was always free, it was just a matter of asking for a leave and opening his schedule. He didn’t want to seem so pathetic as to tell her that though

Long weekend this weekend so Zeke offered to take us south to one of our country clubs.

Us?

Erwin is coming too. Levi didn't’ know whether to feel relieved or disappointed at that exposition. Before he could reply though, the messages kept coming.

Think of it as a thank you for the app ;)

And a start to a great partnership ;)

Hange had too many smileys, too many winky faces but recently, she had started to pepper her messages with just a little too much. They were colleagues, very friendly colleagues. For a second, he wondered how many smileys Hange used when messaging Zeke.

Still, Levi saw some glimmer of hope and optimism in the fact that they were creating a special bond in their own way.

And who would he be to turn down a special invite from a special colleague. I’ll see you there then :) He added his own smiley in the end, trying to forget the fact that he had wasted a good few seconds vacillating between the winking smiley face and the normal one.

Hange’s reply came quickly and maybe a little more enthusiastically. Okay! We’ll pick you up Friday night at the office :D

Levi was grateful at least he had something to look forward to.

#levihan #levihan fanfiction #zekehan

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firefly464 · 4 years

Text

The Real World - Chapter 12

Alright chapter 12 lets goooo. Another slightly slower chapter, but I promise that its gonna be picking up real soon. Also Pami wrote the irl bit because shes the coolest and I love her :D

Made in collaboration with @i-have-this-now Thank you to @rivys for beta reading and editing!

Master Post

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~~~

Dream stared at his friend, confusion and worry filling his mind. The teenager had been staring into space for the past minute or so, not responding to either him or Tubbo. Dream hadn’t been too concerned, until he noticed that Tommy was crying.Tears were streaking down Tommy’s face, forging a path on his cheeks. His expression was filled with a mixture of hope and fear, his eyes glazed over, like he was listening to something that no one else could hear.

“Tommy? Hellooo? You ok?” Dream asked, waving a hand in front of his face. No response. He glanced over at Tubbo, trying to see if he had any ideas. Instead, when Dream made eye contact with him, Tubbo flinched and sank back into his seat, as if trying to disappear. Right. Of course Tubbo was scared of him. Everyone was scared of him.

“You know I’m not going to hurt you, right?” He asked, trying to lighten the mood.

The younger brunette stared at him in fear, unsure of how he was supposed to respond. If Dream had said those same words to him a month ago, he would have ran, no questions asked. Now though, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t know this man, had no idea what he was like. All he had to go off of was what Tommy had said.

His eyes darted over towards his spaced out friend. “What did you do to him?” He asked, struggling to keep the tremor out of his voice. He had only stood up to Dream once, and it had resulted in him nearly losing his arm. Slowly, as to not draw attention to himself, he moved his hand to the hilt of his sword. If this went south, then he sure as hell needed to be ready to defend himself.

“Nothing! I didn’t do anything, I promise” Dream dropped the bow and put his hands up in an attempt to show he meant no harm. He understood why Tubbo was so scared of him, but that didn’t change the fact that it stung. How could it not? Someone who he had thought of as a friend was now trembling before him in fear.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re playing at, but if you hurt Tommy in any way I will not hesitate to run you through.” Tubbo’s voice shook with fear, despite his best attempts at keeping it steady.

Seeing the young teenager like this, Dream couldn’t help but be filled with pity and sadness. He was only 16, still just a kid. He should have been worried about homework, or some other small problem. He shouldn’t be stressing over whether or not he was going to live through the day, or who was going to try and hurt him next. It just wasn’t right.

Dream nodded, his hands still raised.“I promise, Tubbo, I didn’t do anything, and I don’t plan on hurting either of you.”

“Tubbo…” A soft voice startled them both. Tommy was now staring at the fallen bow, the tears freely flowing.

Tubbo’s attention was instantly drawn to his best friend, his eyes filled with overwhelming concern. “Hey man, you ok?”

Tommy looked up at his friend. A pang of homesickness shot through him. Everything about the boy next to him felt… wrong. He knew that it was still Tubbo, but that didn’t change the fact that it didn’t seem right. He was too tense, too nervous. It was as if at any moment, he could be attacked. It was so different from the laid back attitude of his Tubbo. The one that got excited over the smallest things. The one who casually went around killing people in game for no real reason. Tommy couldn’t help but miss the energetic and fun loving Tubbo from his own world. Still, he was still his friend.

Without hesitation, Tommy reached over to give his friend a hug. The tears continued to flow as the words of the message replayed in his mind. ‘I swear, we’re gonna figure something out and get you guys out of there. I promise.’ It wasn’t much to go off of, but goddammit what did he have to lose?

Tubbo couldn’t help but flinch at the sudden hug. “Hey, is everything alright?”

“Sorry, sorry” Tommy quickly said, backing up and giving his friend space. He frantically wiped the tears off his face and tried to compose himself. “Yeah, I’m good.” “What the hell was that? You just zoned out, are you sure you’re ok?” Dream asked.

“I uh, I think I just got a message from Tubbo. Our Tubbo,” he made sure to clarify. “Apparently he’s been working with Wilbur and the other Tommy to try and bring us home…”

Dream felt his jaw drop. “Wait, really?! You’re kidding!”

“I swear to you that I am not joking. Trust me, I want to go home as much as you do.”

“How?! What did he say? What do we do?”

“There’s- There’s a console. Apparently it's like the server console back home, but it's an actual physical computer here. According to Tubbo it has the ability to do some really weird shit.”

“Like run regular commands?”

“Yeah, pretty much. Damn, imagine what kinda fucked up shit you could do with that kinda thing…”

“Uh huh, imagine what kind of fucked up shit this other Dream already did with that thing.”

“Fuck, you’re right.”

“So how exactly does this help us get home?”

“Right, right. I guess that the other Dream figured out how to swap people’s souls across dimensions or something with it.”

Dream’s face lit up as he made the connection. “We could do it too! We could use the command to swap us back and put everything back to normal!” A rush of excitement filled him. Finally, finally they had some direction. They actually had a goal, something to work towards. They had hope. “Where is it? Where can we find it?”

“See, that's the problem. Actually, there's two problems. One, we don’t know the command. Tubbo was thinking if we could make it to the console, we might be able to communicate with them and figure something out.”

“Wait, what? How would that even work?”

Tommy shrugged. “I’m not sure. I’m honestly just hoping that Tubbo knows what he’s doing.”

“Riiight. So what's the other problem?”

Tommy took a deep breath and tried to find something, anything else to look at. He didn’t want to look Dream or Tubbo in the eyes when he told them the truth. Eventually, his eyes rested on the white, porcelain mask that hung on the wall. The simple smile seemed to bore into his very soul, taunting him in a way. He looked away. “The computer is super far away. Apparently it takes a couple days to reach on foot.”

“Ok? And?”

“According to the other Tommy, the other Dream is going to delete the server in a little less than 48 hours, which would most likely result in every single one of us dying a very painful death.”

Dream let out a low whistle. “Right. So you’re telling me that we have to go and find this super powerful computer that's really far away, try to come up with a plan, and figure out what the right command is within the next 48 hours, or the world will be deleted and we all die.”

“Yeah pretty much.”

“Right. Ok, no pressure.” he ran a hand through his hair, already trying to figure out what the best course of action was. “Where exactly is the console?”

“He said it’s in this room made out of bedrock in the middle of a dark forest, almost directly east of us.”

Dream nodded. “Got it. Tommy, go let George know what's going on. See if he wants to join us. It’d probably be smart to have someone who actually knows what they’re doing with us. I’m going to get together some supplies.”

“Got it. Tubbo, do you wanna come with us?” Tommy asked, startling the brunette.

He had been deep in thought, trying to keep up with the conversation. He was confused, but he also didn’t want to ask any questions and risk angering Dream. He shook his head. “I��m good. You guys uh, you’ll need someone to cover for you, right? I can tell Wilbur what's going on…” He was lying, of course. He just didn’t want to spend any more time around Dream. Sure, Tommy trusted him, but that didn’t change the fact that just looking at the man brought back painful memories.

“Ok, that's probably smart. Make sure he knows that the other Tommy is safe, ok? He’s going to be coming home soon.”

A slight smile crossed Tubbo’s face. “Alright. I can do that. I’ll uh, I’ll see you guys later then.” He rushed out of the base, running towards L’manberg.

Dream and Tommy were silent, neither of them mentioning the obvious. If all went according to plan, then they would never see this version of Tubbo again.

~~~

“Florida?!” Tubbo cried, flabbergasted. “We’re going to Florida? That’s like a 9 hour flight!” All this SMP stuff was making his head spin. First, it was just Tommy and Dream’s disappearance, then it escalated to something much, much worse. His friends’ lives were at stake if they didn’t do anything. He honestly didn’t want to believe Tommy, but something told him that what he’s saying is true.

“Look, I’m used to taking on my problems in person. I can’t just sit in front of this thing- whatever weird gadget this is- and do nothing! We have to go there!” Tommy explained.

“Tommy, what will you tell everyone else? What will you tell your parents? You can’t just prance up to them and go ‘hello dearest parents! As it turns out, I’m not your son, but I’m him from another dimension! Y’know how he plays that video game? It’s that dimension! Anyways, I’m off to Florida to go do a murder! I’ll be home before dinner!’ How do you think that’s gonna go down?” Wilbur said.

“Will, I know what I’m doing! This psychopath is gonna try to kill my friends. I need to save them.” Tommy told them desperately. “If we reach him, we can get to his computer and I can go home!”

“We don’t even know where he lives, Tommy!” Wilbur retaliated.

“Well, I might.” Tubbo said, nonchalantly.

Wilbur blinked. “You what? You’re not going to hack him, Tubbo-”

“He isn’t our Dream, Will. This is probably the only chance we have to do this! Lives are at stake!”

“But there’s laws--” Wilbur sighed, pulling on his face in resignation. He still had trouble believing in this. Dimension travel? Souls? A few days ago he’d say they never existed. But, now… “Okay, fine. I can get us three to Florida. Earliest flight I can get us will be at about five-in-the-morning. We find Dream and we…” Wilbur trailed off.

“Kill him.” Tommy gritted out.

“NO!” Wilbur and Tubbo shouted.

“Tommy, we are not going to kill him. We need our Dream and Tommy to come back and send both of you back. If you kill him-” Wilbur explained.

“Okay, fine,” Tommy sighed, cutting off whatever it was Wilbur was about to say. “We won’t kill him. We just need to hold him long enough for him to tell us the command.”

“And what if he refuses to tell us?”

“Then we make him tell us.”

~~~

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#hey whoever commented about how they had to go to florida #you're a prophet and really cool #i dunno how you managed to figure it out but im just gonna assume it was magic #tubbo_#tubbolive #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #wilbursoot #wilbur soot #The Real World #The Real World AU #dream smp #l'manberg #my writing #mcyt #mcyt au #fanfiction #dream team #tommyinnit

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behindthekitty · 4 years

Text

So guess who made RSA ocs!

it's me, I did. I've been thinking about RSA since they were first mentioned in the story and I couldn't resist.

I haven't looked much at other people's interpretations so any similarities are pure coincidence!

I haven't totally figured out all the dorms I want to include but I'm starting with Alice in Wonderland for obvious reason.

Here goes~

This first dorm is called Wonderfall, based on Alice in Wonderland :)

Wonderfall is full of interesting characters and it seems like there's no correlation between them besides the fact that they're all insane from an outsider's view. They have a dorm leader that approves every idea resulting in a dorm that's just a mess of colors and ideas, no real rules, and themed parties that go on until daytime. There are constant rumors that all of them are on drugs but they're really just weird. Being in their dorm is like living a dream (or a nightmare!)

Dorm Leader, Elvin Twist:

(twisted from Alice herself)

Age: 16

Height: 5'2

Dorm: Wonderfall

X First year

~~~

Elvin is Wonderfall's dorm leader and even he's not totally sure how he acquired that position but he's doing a good job regardless.

The others in his dorm really appriciate him since he approves pretty much everything they ask of him, which results in a lot of weird things.

He's known for being quite clumsy and gullible, but us an all around caring and honest dude who just goes with the flow. He's also very curious and asks a lot of questions about everything.

Vice dorm leader: Leveret White

Age: 17

Height: 6'0

Dorm: Wonderfall

x second year

~~~

Problem is he never wants to stop. Guy doesn't even seem to need sleep. He complains when people want to quit.

Likes to draw pictures of people.

Almost everyone in Wonderfall is the "Party Animal" type but it's Leveret who fits the term best. He's the life of any party and is great at keeping things fun and interesting!

Terrace Fenry

Height: 5'8

Dorm: Wonderfall

X Second Year

(twisted from the mad hatter)

Age: 17

Terrace is always full of interesting thoughts and ideas, making each interaction with him a totally different experience. He comes off as odd and a little intimidating, but he's polite to everyone. He speaks somewhat cryptically and one might not understand what he's saying most of the time.

Alchemi Alchemivich Pinka/Che'nya (You already know him!)

(All of this is HC for now and I dont want to write a personality because I'd feel uncomfortable doing that with a character that isnt mine)

Age: 18

Height: taller than terrace but shorter than Leveret

Dorm: Wonderfall

X Third Year

(I didnt mean to have two purple themed kids in this dorm it was an accident 😭)

Extra things

Everyone in the dorm gets along for the most part, if there are ever disagreements it's probably because Leveret isn't letting someone go to sleep.

They often get in trouble For playing loud music late into the night.

The inside of the Wonderfall dorm is a mess of abstract colors and shapes. The furniture never fits and nothing matches at all. It's a result of every dorm member having a say in how the dorm looks with no override. It also changes often because tastes change often.

Like I said, they (probably) aren't doing any drugs but the place does smell weird. Even the members aren't totally sure why.

I haven't decided who yet but one of them's unique magic allows them to clean things easily. So even though they have messy parties all the time, the dorm is never dirty.

The others in the dorm love Elvin but they also enjoy bullying and teasing him. Simple things like taking advantage of his gullibility (think takashi from cardcaptor sakura) and holding things above his head where he can't reach. They'd probably be upset if anyone else tried that with him though.

No one in wonderfall ever achieves very good grades because they don't study. Also some of them think way outside the box, like Terrace who never gives the correct answer but it's never truly wrong either.

Lastly here's a group picture ^^

That's it! So, I'm actually not all that creative so any ideas or opinions you guys have for my RSA are greatly appreciated :0

#twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst #disney #alice in wonderland #rsa #royal sword academy #che'nya

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wardencommanderrodimiss · 3 years

Note

If Fates' child mechanics could be improved, story wise, what would you do? Because I do genuinely love the kids as characters but they were done DIRTY by the excuse plot and reasons for them to be there.

That reminds me of something else I’ve meant to say about how the Fates child mechanics really really doesn’t work. Actually several things, one big one and a bunch of other little ones.

It’s obvious that the thought process was “well, people liked Awakening and Awakening had XYZ, so let’s add it in again!” without taking into account that Awakening built its story around time travel. Even if you didn’t get any S-supports, Lucina is still there. It’s a major plot point. Grima is still there, also having time-traveled. You can’t separate the time travel from the main plot, so from there it’s natural that Lucina would have some friends who came back with her, and thus you get the kids.

We’ve discussed how Fates’ baby dimension is silly. Yeah hang on let’s all just have kids during a war and throw them into an Outrealm pocket dimension where they’ll grow up real quick and we can have more soldiers for our army. If a tree falls in a forest and nobody’s around to hear it - if a situation so fantastical happens that it couldn’t have been written about in any human rights documentation, is it still a war crime? Several other issues I have with it before I get into the big one I wanted to talk about:

Even if we presume that the ladies are spending the duration of their pregnancy also in a pocket dimension where time passes differently in relation to the outside world, that’s still the equivalent of nine months that they are experiencing. That’s (equivalent to) several months that they’re not going to be able to train when the pregnancy is far along or when they’re recovering. Even if it seems like just a few days passed outside, they’re physically going to be lagging behind where they were when they entered the outrealm.

Azura and fCorrin would do that twice.

After they yeet the first of their female friends into a pocket dimension off the astral plane so that she can time-lapse her pregnancy, you would think that someone in the army would figure out some sort of birth control spell/concoction/herb/something so that they don’t have to worry about this again. That’s just good common sense, something we know Corrin lacks, but somebody else surely would suggest it. I feel like Camilla would have that under control - not to insinuate like that she’s a slut or something, but I mean that her older sister vibes tell me that she has the knowledge and supplies to dump on her three younger siblings to inform them how to have relationships safely without fear of unwanted children “and if anyone tries to pressure you otherwise, tell me and I’ll cut their head off” ;3c. She’s like that, I think.

And then the other big and uncomfortable problem with this setup is: some of the character ages.

Like, in Awakening, you’ve got Donnel, Ricken, and Lissa who seem the youngest. Depending on Robin’s gender and how the pairings fall, I think you could end up with two unmarried guys, so you could just have Donnel and Ricken not have children, but if you want to get every character you’ve got to have Lissa get married. I put her at 16/18 during the two parts of the game. Not a great age to have a kid at - but the thing about Awakening’s time travel is that she’s not having a kid at that age. Owain’s from the future, and the only child born during the events of the game is Lucina. It still felt a little weird to see those younger ones getting married, Lissa might be getting a ring now from someone just as young as she is (in the middle of a war) but kids are still years off. That...somewhat lessens the discomfort.

And then. sigh. then there’s Fates. Where no pocket dimensions and strange flow-of-time can get around the fact of character ages, because their children might be growing up fast but they are not from the future. Those kids are born during the course of the game. And like! Elise and Sakura! They’re my baby sisters! I don’t want my baby sisters to be teen moms during a war! That’s just weird and gross and uncomfortable! They’re my baby sisters. I want to find my siblings good partners but I’m not going to matchmake for my baby sisters if that’s the result.

So looping all the way back around to your question - I have no idea, honestly. Anything except time travel/coming from an entirely alternate timeline in the future has all of the above problems baked in, and then future-kids is just an Awakening rehash. Like I was about to suggest that it’d be interesting if for Birthright/Conquest, the kids came from an alternate timeline of the other path, where their side lost the war, but firstly that’s just Awakening rehashed again, secondly Corrin spares as many people as possible so we don’t have dead parents, and honestly it’s not even a dark dire future in Awakening. Like for Nohr in Birthright, Leo gets crowned king of Nohr, his kid is going to have no drive to come back and change the past because it’s fine, there’s holes in the family where Aunt Elise and Uncle Xander are missing, but this is not dire enough to need to find a way to change fate. And thirdly, for the few characters who do die - since we’re using Birthright as the example, Elise and Xander - that would mean that their kids were born before the end of the route, which runs into that same Elise problem! If you wanted “the kids as refugees from a dire timeline” it’d have to be one where Garon won and then again, just play Awakening for that plot.

Conceptually I think it’s interesting to draw the kids in from a different timeline where Corrin made the other choice - “Roddy what about Revelation?” I don’t fucking know man - and see how they react to Corrin being on that side, fighting for their country, with their parents, but... then that runs into the problem of spoiling the other route. Like if you played Conquest first and Xander’s kid says he died before they were born, well, that’s awkward. And again, Elise - in Conquest you could pair her with like, Kaze, who was with Corrin the whole time, always on Corrin’s side no matter what, and then that creates a plot hole of it having been literally impossible for that kid to have come from a Birthright-esque timeline because they couldn’t have existed then because Kaze could’ve even died before Corrin reunites with Elise. No, that concept can’t work. Too much potential for plot holes and stretching too weirdly to try and cover it.

I don’t know. I don’t know if you can fix it without becoming an Awakening rehash or turning Fates into something entirely different...which, it’s Fates. Might not be a bad thing to do that.

#fire emblem chatter tag #jakeun-kangajii

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bigskydreaming · 3 years

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Do you have any character in any fandom that you hate so much or a character who bothers you so much that you can't look at any media without getting annoyed/ upset? Not like villain character, a normal or even fandom fave character, someone most others won't find anything wrong with but your guts hate them, that kind?

I mean, the most obvious example of this for me is definitely Stiles in Teen Wolf lol. I know that a lot of people didn’t start disliking him until later seasons but I just flat out never liked him from the get go, and like....it built and grew due to a lot of fandom attitudes towards the character?

Because like......I just do not enjoy characters who constantly seem to be making digs at or undercutting their supposed friends or family, the way Stiles was with Scott from the very pilot. Its like yeah great, I can absolutely see and recognize all the times he was there for him and did in fact do good friendship type stuff, but the problem for me lies in the way fandom tends to make that TRANSACTIONAL with the stuff I had a problem with where its almost like, well, see, since Stiles tried so hard to save Scott in this one episode Motel California, he GETS to casually insult and demoralize him all the rest of the time, and holy shit no that’s not how that works, y’know? (Especially because Scott’s shitty self-esteem was the bad guy’s way in for almost killing him in Motel California, and gee what connection could there be between shitty self-esteem and constantly being belittled and talked down to by your literal best friend in the whole world BUT I DIGRESS).

And a lot of people over the years have been like, okay but friends tease each other and give each other shit all the time, are you saying they’re all bad for doing so? And no, I’m not, but the thing people tend to gloss over here is the key phrase “each other.”

Because its one thing when you have friendships like this. Its another thing when those friendships flow entirely one way in this specific regard.

When one character is not only ‘allowed to’ but almost EXPECTED to take pot shots at their friend at every available opportunity, but any single time the other friend does the same, no matter how playfully, its fixated upon as being mean and unfriendly, like...THAT is the problem.

And while I don’t have a specific single character that answers your question here in terms of Batfandom, the exact same phenomenon rears its head there and I holy hell object to that too, lol.

Like, we see it SO often with how Dick’s brothers are habitually characterized as mocking his relationship with Bruce, work ethic, standards, jobs, apartment, fashion choices, cooking, NAME......with it just taken for granted that there’s nothing wrong with them all calling him Dickhead or saying he’s ‘really lived up to his namesake’ practically once a fic, if not once a chapter......

And again, the common refrain is “well siblings are just like that?”

And they’re not actually, is the thing. I mean, I grew up with siblings too, and YES we gave each other shit all the time, but again its that exact same key phrase: EACH OTHER.

Like in comparison to the above, how often do people read fic where Dick casually insults his brothers every time he meets up with them, or makes snide, backhanded offensive references to their own parents or memories/reminders of them, or insults their standards not even as a point of specific conflict, but just as a casual, generic expression of contempt?

Its not a two-way street there either at ALL, and THAT’S the issue.

(Also similar to the example I outlined with Motel California, a lot of people write stuff about Dick having shitty self-esteem, but again like.....when you pair this as hand in hand with Dick regularly being insulted and talked down to by his own family, who never ever seem to have anything good to say to him or about him until AFTER he has some kind of breakdown, its like......where do you think shitty self-esteem so often comes from?)

Like, I’ve had people tag fic/drabble posts where I have Dick engaging in what to my estimation is the equivalent of gently teasing Jason or Tim.....and people tag these with “I feel funny about this because Dick seems kinda mean to his brothers here”.....and then nine out of ten times, if I go onto their blog, within a PAGE or two, I see some post where Jason and Tim are calling Dick a Dickhead or mocking his intelligence with NO sign of funny feelings from that person and its like......its not the criticism I mind, lol, its that uh, one of these things (standards of behavior applied to each character) are not like the others.

Because a lot of times when pressed on this subject, people will respond with “well it wouldn’t be in character/Dick or Scott are too nice for that to be their sense of humor” and again its just kinda glossed over that uh, this is basically a tacit admission that the characterization you’re going with for everyone else is ‘not that nice, actually.’ BUT any time people call this specific kind of behavior out when these characters do it, THEN the response is not “well yeah, you’re right, its not that nice actually,” its a defensive “well okay but that’s just how these characters are, are you saying they’re assholes?”

And its like well no, actually you basically were the ones who said they were assholes when you made this a core part of their characterization, and now you’re using this weird kinda circular logic to loophole your way out of them being actually held up and acknowledged as such WHEN they’re characterized this way.

If these specific other characters never get to retaliate or return fire BECAUSE they’re too nice, then there should be no problem acknowledging that when the characters who DO engage in this behavior are actively engaging in it.....they’re being assholes, and no, its just how friends/siblings are is not actually a defensive/deviation from this if their targeted friend/sibling is never actually able to do the same without being held up specifically as stepping outside the territory of “being nice.”

Few things bug me more in terms of basic character interactions/dynamics then the tendency fandom has of building up certain characters as having free reign with how they treat other characters, while simultaneously limiting these other characters from any kind of equivalent spectrum of behavior by using their own positive traits AGAINST THEM.....but with fandom at the same time being willing to full on go to war in defense of the first kind of characters if anyone draws any kind of connecting dots between their examples of frankly asshole-ish behavior and the implication that they might, in fact, be not that awesome as a result.

Its this annoying sleight of hand wherein certain characters can do or say anything without it being a reflection on who they are character-wise, while other characters step the SLIGHTEST toe out of the line that fandom has drawn for their character and how they’re EXPECTED to behave at all times in order to avoid active criticism.....and this then absolutely is an indication of how they’re actually flawed and gross and even abusive, because of how not nice what they’re doing is, and if people want them to NOT be perceived that way, they need to go back to characterizing them or focusing their characterization of them on all the times/ways in which they just placidly accept whatever’s dished out without any kind of reciprocation.

So yeah, Stiles was always a big example of this for me, but it was far from limited to just him. Any time a fandom is like “these characters can make fun of this character or be super critical of them but this character is never ever allowed to do the same in return, that’s against the law,” I’m like yeah no, that’s a swing and a miss for me. Hard pass on those particular fandom faves....at least so long as their fandom fave status seems to go hand in hand with their ability to inflict maximum psychic damage upon their alleged loved one any time they’re feeling down or are just in a mood, all while facing zero consequences for it....even in the simple form of their targeted ‘loved one’ ever simply being like yeah I just choose to not want to be around you when you’re being assholes to me/if you’re going to just be an asshole to me.

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citrineghost · 3 years

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Why Compassionate Actions Matter (Yes, Yours Too.)

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about communication. Communication and human interaction are both things I think of a lot, actually. The most recent thing I wondered about is why so many people seem to not care about the things their supposed friends do.

For example, I’m in a server with my 5 friends, all of whom are also my roommates. There have been a lot of times that I’ve posted my art or some short stories to the #share channel and then waited and waited and gotten no response at all.

It made me wonder, do none of them care?

I know that all of these people generally care about each other and each other’s happiness. They’re all fairly compassionate toward others. So why do they seem to ignore every effort I make to reach out and share the things I do? Why do none of them ever do the same? It’s not that I expect anyone to applaud me and tell me how good my art is or how compelling my writing is - I just wanted to be seen.

Feeling invisible has always been a struggle for me, being raised in a household where I was in “the forgotten child” role. So, in my friendships, this is a sore spot for me. It tends to make me move on after a while if my friends don’t ever seem to see me. This is also why I usually only have one or two best friends - people who feel the way I do about compassionate action.

What Is “Compassionate Action”?

When I say “compassionate action,” I’m talking about doing or saying things that don’t directly benefit you or that you may do purely to benefit someone else. It’s not an official term or anything, just an apt way to describe what I need to. This doesn’t have to be charity work or groveling or kissing up to someone. It could be as simple as letting someone know their message has been seen - sending a heart in the chat to let someone know you see their work and you appreciate it.

Compassionate action is what draws me to the best friends I do have. My boyfriend is someone who I can always count on to be supportive and give positive words no matter what I do. I do the same for him. If I draw a picture, he always responds to it, saying, honestly, that he likes it! If I get really excited about a formula I created for a spreadsheet and I send him a screenshot, even if he doesn’t know what he’s looking at, he’s really excited for me!

Why Is “Compassionate Action” So Hard to Come By?

Many of us, no doubt, have had similar experiences in regard to feeling ignored or unimportant to our friends. But, surely, our friends do care about us, right?

The answer is yes, in most cases. But, somehow, that makes the lack of response to the things we love seem even more confusing. So, this is where I began thinking the other day:

Why do people who care seem so uninterested or unwilling to interact with things their friends love?

I talked with my boyfriend about this the other day to parse out why this is happening. It’s something we’ve both experienced a lot in different friend groups over the years.

So, we sat down together - over call, since we’re in an LDR - and we talked about it. We tried to figure out why we both feel this way and others seem not to. For both of us, it’s important to us that our friends are happy. Even if one of my hydrologist friends posted some table he made, that he was really proud of, about stream flow data - something I’m only moderately interested in - I would make an effort to read and understand it and then give excited feedback. It’s not that I’m as passionate about stream flow information as he is, but I would be really happy to see his excitement and satisfaction with his own work. My boyfriend is of the same opinion.

But then, if our friends value our happiness, which we know they do, why don’t they ever give positive feedback about things we’re excited about? We talked over possible reasons for a little while before we finally found one that made complete sense - one that consistently fit the bill for all of the friends that we’d had who never gave us “compassionate action.”

Your Actions Matter

The result we came up with is that most of these people were dealing with depression or self esteem issues. They feel that their opinions don’t have value - won’t make a difference. They think that it isn’t important if they respond because, “Why would sending a heart matter? If I send a heart and don’t respond with an in depth review of how cool the thing is, my friend will just think I’m an ass for not saying more. It’s better if I just pretend I didn’t see it.”

My boyfriend and I both have had some pretty life-changing experiences where other people’s compassion, shown in small actions of recognition and solidarity, have kept us alive or changed our entire day for the better. We’ve learned through our experiences in suffering that those actions make all the difference, and we’ve put that philosophy to work in our own lives. However-

not everyone has realized that this is true for them too.

If you have depression, anxiety, or you’ve grown up in an abusive home, you might feel like your actions don’t matter. You might think this doesn’t apply to you - that you’re the exception and that your friends don’t care what you think.

You’re wrong.

The people around you, even people you don’t know very well, they care about the things you say. It doesn’t matter if you’re depressed or anxious, or an outcast, or kind of weird. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never spoken to them or if you’re best friends.

The things you say make a difference.

The sooner you realize that your opinions and your words have value - have POWER - the sooner you will begin to improve the connections you have with friends.

I grew up feeling like my opinion was worthless and that I should never give it, even when people asked for it. To me, it was obvious that they were only asking because they wanted me to feel included. I look back now and I see that that’s not true. The same way you desire to be seen by others, they desire to be seen by you. One such way that you can make other people feel seen is by showing them that you have put consideration into what they’ve done. You have formed an opinion on it.

When your friend shows you a drawing they’ve made or they sing you a song they’re working on, more often than not, they are not looking to just show off. They are begging for recognition and are asking to be seen by someone they care about (that’s you!). Give them that. Tell them what you think! Get excited for them!

It’s Not as Complicated as You Think

Not really the kind of art you’re interested in? It doesn’t matter. “Wow, you really put a lot of work into this!” That sentence is a huGE compliment. You are showing them that you find value in what they did and that you see how hard they worked.

Did your friend sing you a song they’re working on and they’re a little bit tone deaf? That’s okay! You don’t have to lie about how you feel to be compassionate. “You show so much emotion in your singing!” Those words will fill a singer’s heart with joy. Not everyone sings to sing perfectly, but to convey their feelings and connect with people. That would make their day!

Is your friend a weirdo like me who enjoys creating spreadsheets? “Holy shit, that must have taken forever!!” Those kinds of words are so so validating. It’s okay if you don’t know what you’re looking at. It’s okay if you don’t want to try reading the data in the spreadsheet. What matters to me is that you have taken the three seconds to look at it and form an opinion about me and what I’ve done, even if that opinion is just seeing that I have put a lot of time and effort into something.

No matter what your friends show you, there is a way to show them that you see them and care about them being happy. You don’t have to lie or compliment the work itself, you don’t have to open up your bleeding heart and write a poem about the beauty of their creation.

You just have to show that you see them.

If you struggle to feel that your words have value, I urge you to take a moment and think of the times you’ve tried to share something with someone and gotten no response. I urge you to consider how the tiniest acts of compassion by other people have gotten you through the day. Please know that your words have the same weight.

I can HEAR you thinking that you’re different and YOU’RE NOT.

Everyone! I repeat! Everyone! Has an impact! With their words!

Depressed people, anxious people, people who were abused, people with trauma, people with disorders, people with disabilities, people who have a hard time finding words, people who feel like they have no talent, people who don’t know anything about the topic their friend is telling them about, people who are young, people who are old, people who haven’t left their room in 3 days, people who haven’t sat down to breathe in 3 days, people who have forgotten to reach out in a while, people who have been self isolating because they’re sad, people who have scared away friends from their past, people who have left friends from their past, people who aren’t very fluent in the language their friend speaks, people who know their friends in person, people who know their friends online, people who are suicidal, people who think they’re not as good as their friends,

Everyone’s actions matter, especially yours.

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krispydefendorpolice · 4 years

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Once Upon A Miraculous - Part 2

Ok before we even get into the story here’s yet another warning to think twice before you continue. Jason dies. He dies in a gruesome, traumatizing event and even though I think I went over it very lightly I still think it’s pretty fucking graphic. I’m the writer and I. Had. To. Fucking. Stop. And take a break before I could continue with the story.

Violence and the results it can have on the body ahead. Madness from the pit and angst from hurt feeling of being replaced ahead. For the last time. You’ve all been warned so read at your own risk.

I’m going to trust that you all know your headspace well enough and for those that choose to read anyways? Thank you for going on this journey with me. I hope the falls between here and the end are worth the river journey and the lake we reach at the end (yes those are f*ing metaphors. I’m feeling philosophical at the moment)

Previous Masterpost list

————————————

“It’s me Nettie. I’m alive”

****************************

Jason was 14 years old when he met the Batman. He came across an unwatched batmobile. The tires on it could be sold for more than the average car and he had the tools on him.

One last check and he got to work. He was already thinking about the things he could buy for himself and his street siblings that he forgot the number one rule. Always keep a lookout.

The Batman caught him red handed with three wheels off and the fourth half done. After being forced to return the wheels to the car Jason was taken to the underground batcave. He met Alfred and the unmasked Batman. Bruce “fucking billionaire” Wayne.

Less than a month later he’s living in the manor and has been “adopted”. He doesn’t trust it. Rich men don’t want son’s and there are too many kids with stories about the horrors that “nice family’s” hide behind closed doors. But he’s got a roof over his head and food in his stomach. If Wayne thinks that will be enough to buy him he’s going to find out how wrong he was.

Jason starts small at first. If he can just get the man angry enough to throw him out he won’t have to worry about being brought back. Setting all the alarms in the house and making them unfixable was a bit of a challenge. Seeing Bruce’s face when he changed the passwords was brilliant.

It continued that way for a few months until Bruce finally decided if Jason was gonna be a little shit he could learn to fight better instead. Jason decided that if he was going to learn to fight he would take over the abandoned Robin role too.

Dick was not happy. The first time Jason got to meet the man was after he was seen as Robin. He came to the manor and yelled at Bruce, saying he had no right to give his costume and name to someone else. Jason listened from the second story.

As angry as the two men got neither came to blows over it. Dick ended the fight by storming out and he put the older hero on radio silence for months after but neither had any injuries from their disagreement. If Jason had ever even looked at his old man funny as a kid he would have a black eye and welts on his back to show for it.

Maybe Bruce could be trusted after all?

****************************

At 15 years old Bruce is engaged to Selina Kyle. Their on again off again thing as hero and thief where they danced around each other had been driving Jason and Alfred batty. It was nice to see them actually settle into their thing as each challenged the other and kept them on their toes.

When Selina said she was going to be spending the summer with the daughter of an old schoolmate of hers Jason didn’t think much of it. He knew she had a legit degree she used to assess the potential spoils of her criminal activities.

He arrived at Wayne Enterprises a little early for their lunch meeting. Bruce had told him they’d meet in the lobby so after greeting the receptionists he looked for a place to sit. In one of the chairs facing the doors a small girl looked up at the windows before going back to her book and writing something. No she was probably drawing with long pencil strokes like that.

Curious he walked over to see if he could look at her drawing. He could see what looked like an image of the stained glass windows on the page but the lines through them gave it a softer, almost flowing shape. Which was weird cause glass wouldn’t follow those lines.

“What are you drawing?” He found himself asking her.

She jumped so he’d obviously surprised her. His thoughts were captured by her bright blue eyes. In the light coming from those stained glass windows she’d been admiring they almost seemed to glow.

She said she was designing a dress while she waited for her guardian and the fiancé to return. This must be Selina’s friends daughter.

Lunch was a fun affair where the girl shared she would be designing costumes for Jagged stone to wear during his concert tour this summer. She would stay with Selina in Gotham from Monday to Thursday while she designed and created clothes she would fly to whatever city Jagged was playing in from Thursday to Sunday to be on hand during the concerts for any costume repairs that would be needed.

Bruce volunteered Jason to show Marinette around the city since it wouldn’t be safe for her to be alone. Jason agrees because it’s summer break and he likes the Marinette he talked stained glass windows with and wonders what other beauty she will see in his dark city.

He is breathless by the beauty she sees all around her. The joy and happiness she shines as easily as she breathes. Everyone she meets becomes a new friend. Even the tamer of the Rogues and the Siren’s who meet her are enthralled by her smile and her charm.

Kissing her was a completely spontaneous action. He had thought about it for weeks by then but she had said there was a guy back home she sort of still had a crush on though she wasn’t happy with how they wanted to deal with the liar situation. So he was resigned to keeping his budding feelings to himself so that he could see her happy.

It had been the night of the last concert. Jagged had Marinette come on stage where he officially introduced her as his designer and the creator of all the tour costumes to the world. She had beamed with a smile so wide that when she threw herself into Jason’s arms after walking off stage he had just pulled back and placed a kiss on her lips.

He froze when he realized what he did. Marinette had stood on her tiptoe to start their second kiss.

For a week they were blissfully happy and free with their affection. Multiple paparazzi got pictures of them holding hands, kissing each other or just cuddling when they were waiting. Jasonette and the Sunshine of Gotham blew up on social media.

Saying goodbye to her was a really hard thing to do. So Jason went shopping for something he could give her to remember him by. They had decided they would try a long distance thing but he was afraid it wouldn’t be enough. If they did fall apart from distance he wanted something she could use to always fondly remember the summer fling they had.

It was perfect. He knew it might be impractical but he was convinced that it would be the perfect gift for her someday.

************************

They made it work. They had talked everyday and he spent every chance he could in France with her. He met her parents and they met Bruce as well. Marinette had her school situation resolved following her return.

He was proud of her for sticking up for herself when all her classmates seemed ready to abandon the liar just because Marinette had a connection they could use again. Nathaniel, Rose and Juleka were all artsy like Marinette and he could see how their creative energies inspired each other and themselves.

He was a week away from his departure to spend the summer in France with Marinette and her family when it happened. A false lead led to his capture by the Joker.

(Begin Angst)

The first break hurt but it was bearable. He had broken bones before. His bio dad had broken them frequently when he was still alive. The fifth hurt as bad. He also had a concussion and several burns at that time as well.

What felt like days, weeks, years... minutes?, passed in a haze as he jerked with every new hit. He was a mess from vomit, blood, piss and shit when his body couldn’t follow his commands any longer.

He held to the belief that Batman would come for him. That his father could still save him.

When the Joker left, Jason was lying on the concrete floor looking at the bomb countdown. He knew he had to get out of there, he pushed his battered body past the point he could feel pain and struggled to the door. He pulled on it but it wouldn’t open. The rattle of chains on the other side told him why.

He collapsed to the floor, tears streaming as he watched the numbers countdown.

10, 9, 8...

I’m sorry Alfred.

7, 6, 5,...

I’m sorry Bruce.

4, 3,...

I’m sorry Nettie.

2, 1,

I love...

(End Angst)

He was only 16. He would never see 17.

***************************

It was dark. It was small. It was hard to breathe. He was in some kind of box. He screamed and hit the walls around him trying to get out, trying to find some air.

It surprised him when cold pieces fell from above him. It had a new smell. He focused his determination on that spot. More of the new thing came down into his cage. He pushed it away from him and continued. There. Briefly a breath of clean, fresh air.

With new determination he pushed harder towards the life giving air. He was able to pull his head and shoulders out of the box. He rested for a moment swallowing greedy gulps of air into his starved lungs. When he was able to continue he pulled himself from the ground and looked around. As far as his eye could see were stones standing from the ground around him and beyond those trees and underbrush fading into shadows.

He picked a direction at random and began to walk.

It was familiar. Grab an item, run. The actions came without conscious memory. The streets were cold but he was big enough to scare off the worst of the predators. There were a few small people, kids, that came to him for protection from the bigger people. He did what he could but it never seemed to be enough he thought, as he stood over another small, broken body.

“I can give you a way to protect them.”

He looked up. She was beautiful but her eyes were cold. Empty and unfeeling. But she had promised to give him a way to protect the little ones. He was willing to try anything for that power.

What was his name? How old was he? He didn’t know.

****************************************

Jason.

He remembered his name as he lunged from the sickly green waters that Talia had led him to. He remembered Bruce, his father, but he didn’t save him from the Joker. He remembered the Jokers laughter ringing in his ears as he stood over another broken child on the streets. And the new shadow following the shape of the Batman when he was an amnesiac wandering the streets of Gotham.

He had been REPLACED!! He fumed. The anger and resentment over Bruces inability to save him, to avenge him and his replacing him as if Jason meant nothing, festered and boiled in his mind.

When he left the League of Shadows his only plan was to go back to Gotham and get revenge for his own death and to hurt his so called father as badly as he could. If Jason meant so little to him then he would show how little Bruce meant to him.

(Mild violence ahead)

Their first reunion was in a fight over drug dealers selling heroin to kids. Jason looked directly at the bat, pulled his gun and shot the dealers in the forehead.

(Violence over)

“These are my streets now. I won’t tolerate kids getting hurt on my watch.”

He disappeared before Batman could restrain him.

For weeks they danced around. Batman trying to catch him and Jason using every trick he learned from the Bat himself to avoid him.

Blood flowed freely from the wicked and the corrupt. He was a villain in his own right bringing judgement and execution down upon the criminals of Gotham.

Batman always appealed to the better side of him, to stop his madness. Didn’t he understand that part died? The child that trusted in heroes to protect the innocent died at the hands of a monster. A monster that his father couldn’t chase away.

The RedHood was risen from the pits and unleashed upon the evil of Gotham.

He was 18 years old.

******************************

Months of their back and forth dynamic between RedHood and Batman passed. The Batman couldn’t arrest the RedHood but the RedHood couldn’t stop tweaking his cape to get a reaction.

Didn’t he care? Wasn’t he going to stop him? He was doing everything wrong so why wouldn’t Bruce do the same for him that he did for all the other criminals in Gotham?

It was when Jason had the Joker at the business end of a gun that he got his answers.

“Don’t do it Hood,” Bruce pleaded. “It will change you beyond what you can come back from if you do.”

“I’ve already killed, B,” his words caught as he gasped, fighting back tears of rage. “My hands are dripping in blood.

He laughed madly then, “‘Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?’ Who knew that bitch knew what she was talking about.”

“It’s the madness that’s done it Hood. You’ve barely held control before. But you’re fighting the killing urge and directing it to those that do deserve it.”

“And yes,” he interrupted before Jason could argue, “no one deserves it more than Joker for what he’s done to you. But if you do it then the madness will win. Please I can’t lose my son again,” he begged.

“WHY DOES THAT MATTER NOW?!” Jason screamed. “He killed me. I was dead in the ground and you let him walk. WHY COULDN’T YOU KILL HIM?! AM I THAT MEANINGLESS TO YOU!?!!”

“I COULDN’T!” Bruce yelled back. “If I killed him I wouldn’t be able to stop killing. It wouldn’t just be the Joker that died, it would be every criminal in Gotham who dared step out of line. I wanted to. I still want to. He took my son from me but I know that once I start I won’t be able to stop. I’m sorry that I’m so weak, but I couldn’t.”

The Batman, no Bruce Wayne, stood before him, head bowed in defeat as he admitted to his greatest shame.

Jason looked away before dropping the gun and walking away. He knew Bruce would take the Joker back to Arkham so he just needed to get away and think.

They worked to build their relationships anew. He couldn’t be the son Bruce remembered anymore, too much had changed, but he could be the son he was today. He could do what he could for the Replacement and make sure the kid didn’t get himself killed on the streets. The girl that joined them got the same measure of protection though she was better able to defend herself.

When he finally let go of thoughts of revenge he could think about a time when a stray spark of living Sunshine found its way to cold, grey Gotham. He finally looked up news of Marinette to see how she was doing. He broke down and cried when her wedding announcement to the son of a Parisian fashion house was the first thing to pop up.

Selina, Bruce and Alfred all encouraged him to take a trip to France anyways to get some closure, to say goodbye. But he refused, the smile in her eyes as she looked at her new husband in the picture convinced him that she was happy. And that was all he ever wanted for her, even if it couldn’t be him giving the her the world.

He was 19 years old when he made peace with his past.

****************************

He was 20 years old when news of the villain Hawkmoth and his defeat hit the international press. He was livid to realize that his beloved Nettie had been in so much danger just living in a city that should have been safe. That the Justice League had done nothing when the citizens pleaded for help.

It felt like the period after his revival in the pit as he stormed the halls of the WatchTower. His vision was in various shades of red and his thoughts just kept turning back to how Marinette might have been killed in one of the villain’s monster attacks. Hell, she probably did die once or twice only to be revived by the hero’s magic.

If he ever got to meet LadyBug he would shower her in appreciation for defending the city his Nettie lived in.

The door crashed and nearly fell off the hinges when he threw it open and stormed through into the Leagues council room.

“RedHood,” Batman said calmly as he stalked up to the table.

Slamming his hands down and leaning over the collected heroes he asked what he’d wanted to since the news broke.

“Who. Screwed. Up?”

“When footage of the attacks first reached the League, investigations were done. No lasting damage was left from the attacks so it was written off as a publicity stunt and subsequent messages were ignored,” Batman explained. “It was a phone operator that fielded these calls. They went based off the assessment done by the League and deleted them.”

“She could have died B. I was dead and couldn’t do anything but you should have been keeping an eye on her. You know what she means to me.”

Batman nodded, “I should have. The messages never reached me but I should have been keeping a watch on her regardless of that.”

“You’re going to make amends to those heroes for ignoring them,” Jason stated. “All of you are,” he added, including the other heroes in the room in his statement.

“Yes,” Batman agreed.

Jason jerked his head in a nod and left the room. Going back to the cave where he can do his own check and make sure Marinette was safe.

********************************

It wasn’t just the League that failed Marinette. Jason knew he was as much to blame. If he had gone to Paris? If he had seen her? If he had told her he was alive? Would she have suffered under Hawkmoth? If, if, if.

News of the divorce of up and coming fashion designer MDC and the son of the fashion mogul and former villain Adrian Agreste hit airwaves like lightning. In the beginning people claimed it was Marinette who left because of Hawkmoth’s identity. Adrian was fast to shut that down and own that he was the one to ask for the divorce for personal reasons. With what seemed to be an amicable break up the world turned its attention to the next sound bite.

He’d failed her again. Jason just sat by his empty grave as he cried when he learns about it. He argues with Alfred and Selina when they bring up him visiting Paris afterwards. This time Bruce supports his decision. He doesn’t approve and lets Jason know it, but he supports him.

Returning to the cave after patrol, Jason was the last to arrive. He didn’t know why everyone was gathered by the computer so he went to take a look. He didn’t hear what Alfred said as he walked over. Momentarily blinded by the helmet as he removed it, he froze when he finally saw what, no who, had his family’s attention.

She had grown since their first meeting, not in height but in maturity. She had traded the fun pigtails for an elegant braid, and jeans for a sundress obviously of her own design.

“Hi, Monsieur Alfred introduced the others but I haven’t gotten your name yet. I am Marinette Dupain-Cheng,” she introduces herself as if she were meeting a stranger for the first time.

It hurt his heart that she would do that with him, though he realizes why she did. She didn’t know. She couldn’t know that it was him under the mask.

The words wouldn’t come though when he tried to find them and tell her. He finally settled for showing her, hoping she would believe her eyes.

After she gasped in reaction to his reveal he thought maybe his approach was a bit boneheaded after all. Nothing to do but go forward from there though.

“It’s me Nettie. I’m alive.”

Marinette teared up but instead of breaking down and crying she ran to him and jumped into his arms. Burying her face in his neck she just murmured “You’re alive” over and over.

“Yeah,” he admitted. He held her as tightly as he dared. A little worried he might hurt her by accident.

When she pulled away he reluctantly let her go but it was worth it.

She gave him the biggest smile and he saw it again.

He was 21 years old and the sun was shining in cold, grey Gotham once more.

————————————

So I really got into the structure I used for the first chapter and exuded to use the same for this one. They end at different ages because Jason’s a few months older and this happened in that in between time (the real reason is sections were getting too busy so I add another year to his story. How do I rationalize it? Well birthdays are a thing so there you go).

I hope everyone enjoyed this wild ride. I do plan to do an epilogue chapter but that will have to wait until next weekend. Anyone have any ideas you can send it to me.

@pepelachanel @mellownieice @kris-pines04 @zebrabaker @two-faced-biatch @vixen-uchiha @mandy984 @shamefullove @mycupisbroken @dawnwave16 @abrx2002 @mochinek0 @tbehartoo @fertileleaf @thanks-captain-obvious @ravennightingaleandavatempus @hinata3487 @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @hypnosharkrebeldreamer @zalladane @dast218 @miraculous786 @18-fandoms-unite-08 @moonlightstar64 @mooshoon @ladybug182 @iggy-of-fans @legendaryneckjudgestudent @megawhitleycalderonpaganus @finallyaniguana @tog84 @mystery-5-5 @evil-elf16

#jasonette #marinette x jason #violence and angst #extreme violence #torture aftermath #angst #madness #DLDR #dead dove don’t eat #I’ve warned you multiple times so don’t come at me #violence

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lloydskywalkers · 5 years

Text

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Been wanting to write something about this ever since the Ice Chapter premiered, I just couldn’t get it to come together in my head. I’m not sure if I love the result? But I do love Kai and I do love this dumb ninja family, so here it is anyways.

Spoilers for season 11 btw!! (but not until the end, it jumps all over the series)

Kai’s always liked fire. He likes the way it dances, flickering back and forth and lighting up the dark. He likes the different colors it burns, how warm it feels when you get close. Fire’s a source of destruction, of course, he knows that — but it’s never been that way for him. Heat like that can be useful, he thinks. Heat like that can be used to heal, not to burn, people just have trouble seeing it that way, sometimes.

A lot of this is just a metaphor for himself, and yeah, Kai’s aware of that.

Kai runs hot — always has, always will.

It’s not a normal kind of hot, either, the kind of hot where he’s always moving too much, like the woman down the street claims. Kai runs unusually hot, and that’s not just him being dramatic, either. Kai runs hot enough to fool thermometers and doctors and Nya’s hand when she runs it over his forehead. He runs hot enough to radiate heat, enough that Nya’s calling him a furnace as soon as she learns what that is.

It’s not something he, personally, notices much. Kai lives in the forge — if he was always overheated, he’d be dead by now. Kai just runs at a temperate different than anyone else does, that’s all. It doesn’t bother him.

He has, of course, worried about it bothering Nya, but fortunately that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Quite the opposite, in fact.

“Kai?”

Kai drags sleep-heavy eyelids open, blinking in the dim light that filters from the half-patched holes in the roof of their tiny home. At first, he’s confused to why Nya’s tiny voice is waking him this early in the morning. The shop doesn’t open for another couple hours, and he’s pretty sure the forge isn’t burning down — he did remember to extinguish everything before he closed up, right?

Nya interrupts his flow of thought, tip-toeing across the creaking floor of their home. Her hair falls oddly, the fringe from the cut he’d wrangled it into sticking up all over her forehead. She stops at his bed, barely coming up to his eye-level as she stares at him with wide, dark eyes.

“Kai,” she hisses, this time more insistent.

Kai blinks again, runs a hand over his face, and sighs. “Wha’issit, Nya?”

Nya leans closer, bringing the threadbare edge of her blanket tighter across her shoulders. “I’m cold,” she whispers, sounding very much upset with the fact.

“Oh,” Kai says, awareness filtering back in as his heart sinks. Winter is coming on faster this year, and for all that Kai’s been good about saving up, they really can’t afford to have the heat on just yet. He’d been hoping that the forge alone would keep them warm until then, but apparently not.

He bites his lip, a familiar ache settling in his chest. Nya deserves better — way better, and Kai can’t give her it, and he’s trying his best but ever since their parents—

Nya seems to have finally lost patience with him, as she’s pushing at his arm.

“Move,” she grunts, shoving at his arm with tiny fingers. “C’mon, you big lug—“

“Nya, what—?” Kai moves his arm for her, confused — and she promptly crawls up into the space it was occupying, hauling herself into his bed as she clambers over his legs and—

“Oof, Nya, that’s my stomach—“

Nya ignores him, finally shoving him over enough that there’s a small space for her in his bed. She quickly burrows beneath the blankets, pressing herself up against him and shoving her freezing toes against his leg. Kai flinches back with a high-pitched yelp, fully awake now.

“Nya!” he hisses, rubbing his leg. “You’re freezing!”

“Duh,” Nya sniffs, shoving her face into his side. “Tha’s why I’m here.”

Kai frowns at her, fully prepared for a long lecture about where you stick your freezing toes, when she nuzzles her forehead into his chest, sighing contentedly as her shivers subside.

“Nice an’ toasty,” she murmurs, hugging his arm like he’s a particularly tough teddy bear.

Kai stares at her, his mouth still half-open even though the words have long left him. He finally sighs, shaking his head before laying it back onto his pillow, the hint of smile on his lips as he watches Nya’s full one.

He might not be able to afford heating right now, but at least he can do this, he thinks, wrapping his other arm around her so his little sister is pulled close.

*****************

It takes a few years, but Kai eventually learns that his proclivity to run hot is not, in fact, just a freak hiccup of his body. No, it’s due to something a whole lot cooler — or warmer, haha, since he’s the Master of Fire now, you know.

Well, he’s always been the Master of Fire, he guesses. He just didn’t know, unlike the rest of his…teammates? Partners? Kai watches the others out of the corner of his eyes, narrowing them shrewdly. Sensei Wu’s other chosen ninja are nice, of course — sure, they did a whole of of unnecessary showing off, in Kai’s opinion, but they don’t seem like they’re awful people. Just a little odd (a lot odd, in some cases), but so is Kai, as Nya’s told him.

Nya.

The reminder burns hot in his chest, and not in the nice way. Nya, his little sister, the one person on earth he cares most about, the person he’d sworn he’d die before letting anything bad happen to her—

Well. Something bad’s definitely happened to her, and Kai’s still alive.

Looks like he’ll have to make it up to her another way, he thinks hollowly, pulling his travel blanket tighter around himself as he leans back against one of the trees that line their campsite. Another way like kicking Garmadon’s charred, evil as—

“Hey, you’re the fire ninja, right?”

Kai looks up. The lightning ninja’s in front of him — Jay, right, because the earth ninja’s always calling him bluejay. He’s a good foot shorter than Kai, and a whole lot scrawnier, and Kai wouldn’t even consider him a threat if he didn’t know what he could do. Right now, though, the lightning ninja just looks tired. The fire from earlier’s long burned out, and his complexion looks paler than usual under the moonlight.

“Yeah,” Kai finally says. “That’s me.”

“Oh good,” Jay says, a grin pulling at his freckles. “I mean, I already knew that, but you know, just double-checking.”

Kai stares at him, about to ask what on earth he would need to double-check for, when Jay’s suddenly left his line of view and is sitting down next to him, leaning up against Kai’s tree with him.

“It’s pretty cold out tonight, huh?” Jay says, ignoring Kai’s stare as he pulls his travel blanket around himself, letting out a shiver. “Kinda wasn’t expecting it to get this cold, with how warm it was earlier when we had to haul Sensei around, but then I should know better. I grew up in the desert, you know? Well — kinda, I mean. I grew up outside of Ninjago City, on the edge of the desert, so it’d get super hot in the day, but then it’d get freezing when the sun went down—“

Kai continues to stare at him, momentarily lost for words. He’s on the verge of asking where Jay manages to keep all the air he has for chattering in him, because he’s a shrimp, when Jay suddenly scoots closer, his eyes lighting up.

“Hey, you’re like, really warm!” Jay informs him in delight. “Kinda like a thermos, or something.”

Kai blinks, then frowns. “I’m the Master of Fire,” he says, stiffly. “It’s a thing.”

“Well, yeah, I figured,” Jay says, seemingly unruffled by the go away vibe Kai is attempting to give off. “That’s why I came over to you in the first place, but I wasn’t sure, you know? ‘Cause Zane’s ice, and he’s always freezing, but Cole is earth and he’s definitely not made of rock, big softy.”

Jay has a fond look on his face as he talks about the others, and it leaves Kai with a weird kind of ache in his chest. Almost as if he wants to be part of that, whatever camaraderie the others have formed before he got there.

“Well,” Kai says, awkwardly. “I’m definitely warm.”

“Oh, yeah,” Jay agrees, somehow scooting closer. “It’s great.”

Kai eyes him narrowly. Jay has yet to explain why he’s decided to pile up next to Kai, by Kai’s tree, but he’s starting to get a sneaking suspicion.

“Hey,” Jay’s tone changes. His voice is suddenly serious, and Kai is almost taken about at the change in levity. “We’re gonna get your sister back, you know that, right?”

Kai blinks at him, words twisting in his chest, then looks down. “Yeah,” he whispers. “I know.”

They will, if it’s the last thing Kai ever does—

“I’m serious,” Jay says, his voice sincere. “We’re all in this together, right? And ninja look out for each other, which definitely includes their sisters.”

Kai looks back up at him, and Jay gives him a bright smile.

“Word of a ninja,” he says. “We’ll get her back.”

Kai looks at him for a moment longer, then looks back at the smoldering embers left from their fire earlier, suddenly blinking rapidly. There’s a thick kind of lump in his throat, the annoying kind that makes his eyes smart.

It’s just — it’s been a while since someone’s reassured him like that, much less cared enough to. A long time since someone’s sounded like they care about Nya — like they care about him.

Maybe this team thing really is worth a try, Kai thinks, staring up at the few stars visible in the clouded night sky.

He finally closes his eyes, exhaling. Then drags them back open, feeling more at peace. “Thanks, Jay.”

There’s no reply, just a sudden weight as Jay’s head drops onto his shoulder. Kai’s brows draw into a glare, and he’s about to pull away and chew him out before there’s a soft, quiet snore. Kai’s eyebrows shoot up instead.

He’s already asleep — are you kidding me?

Kai gapes at him, the uninvited blue barnacle that’s using his shoulder as a pillow. He should shake him off. He really should, they aren’t that close yet.

But…

Jay looks remarkably peaceful snoring into his shoulder, and he doesn’t look as pale as he did earlier either, color flooding the spaces between his freckles. He’s long stopped shivering, too, and the grip he has on his blanket isn’t so white-knuckled.

And he did go out of his way to comfort Kai.

And Kai did use the word yet.

Kai finally sighs, shaking his head in defeat. “G’nite, Jay,” he yawns.

*****************

Kai’s fire gets a whole lot brighter after that, a whole lot quicker.

He also manages to pick up family members like it’s bargain day at the adoption grocery store, but by the time they’re a team of five instead of four, and Kai’s got a brand new baby brother to smother so Nya gets a break, he can’t find it in himself to mind. His fire has purpose now, something to burn hotter for, and he learns to find pride in that.

And then he fails, like he always does, and his fire falters.

Zane’s loss leaves him cold as the ice that lined the city was, and for a while, Kai loses himself. He tears himself from the others and wanders far enough that not even Lloyd or Nya can bring him back, and he tells himself he’s fine with that.

It’s only by the time they get Zane back, that Kai’s finally able to admit that isolating himself from everyone was a bit of a terrible idea.

Like, completely without foresight, pretty stupid, bit of a terrible idea.

“Lloyd, wait—“

“Just gotta check up with my dad, I’ll be right back, keep an eye on Zane!”

Kai sighs, running a hand over his face as he watches Lloyd scurry off. He bites back a curse. Darn it. Lloyd’s grown more in his absence, enough that Kai can’t read him like he could before he left (yet, just give him a week).

This doesn’t mean Kai’s at a loss — this is Lloyd, duh. But this does mean that Kai has no idea what’s going on in his little brother’s head right now, and that’s something Kai wants to know, because as much as he’d made a mistake in isolating himself, that mistake had nothing on the one he just made down in Chen’s ceremonial chamber.

Idiot, Kai curses himself again as he kicks at the ground, slowly making his way back across the courtyard to Zane. How had he messed up that badly? Lloyd had just lost the sheltered kind of wariness toward him too, the one he’d picked up after Kai had shot him down when he’d first tried to get the team back together, and now Kai’s gone and — and what, terrified him, or something?

Or something, Kai thinks glumly as he finally catches sight of Zane. Hopefully Zane doesn’t chew him out too, because he’s gotten enough of an earful from Nya.

Zane glances up at him from the step he’s sitting on as he draws near, his new eyes glinting in the sun pouring across the courtyard in front of Chen’s palace. He looks different than he did before, all silvery and metallic, but it’s still Zane, with his kind eyes and little half-smiles and even voice, and Kai’s missed him so much his eyes almost start watering all over again.

“Hey, bud,” Kai says, trying to inject cheer into his voice. It’s less difficult than he’d thought — despite the other events of the day, the joy at regaining Zane has yet to fade. “How you holding up?”

The corner of Zane’s mouth quirks up, and he jerks his shoulder in a little shrug. “I have yet to fall to pieces, so I am holding up well, I suppose.”

Kai knows it’s a joke, he does. But the image of Zane falling apart hits a little too close to home, and he cringes. Zane’s eyes widen briefly, realization clicking, and he ducks his head.

“Ah, forgive me,” he murmurs. “I guess that’s…too soon.”

“No, no, it’s—“ Kai bites his lip. It’s not fine, because in what world is Zane having died ever going to be fine, but for right now, standing on the edge of at least one victory with the sun shining… “It’s fine,” he says. “I’m glad you’re not falling to pieces. They did an okay job of putting you back together, then.”

Zane shrugs again. “As best that I could ask for,” he says. A shadow crosses his face. “It’s not the work of my father, but it allowed me to return to you. That is what matters.”

“Oh,” Kai says, blinking. He hadn’t even thought of that. He also doesn’t know how to begin approaching that one.

“I’m not complaining, of course,” Zane continues. “But I am—“ he rubs the edge of his wrist. “Still getting used to it,” he mutters. “The metal isn’t holding up to the cold like it used to. The joints feel frozen.”

Kai makes a sympathetic noise. “It’s might just be ‘cause you went without your powers so long,” he suggests. “Mine felt a little out of control for a second when I got them back, and you went way longer without them than I did.”

Zane tilts his head, considering this. “That would make sense,” he says. He rubs at his wrist again, a brief expression of pain crossing his face. Kai moves before he’s thinking, sitting next to Zane on the steps.

“Want help defrosting?” he offers. Zane eyes him, then lets him take his wrist. A flicker of relief crosses his face as Kai feels for the frozen spots in his arm, melting what he can with his powers and leaving the rest to his own warmth.

It’s a lot, compared to Zane, who’s cold as always. Kai’s hand tightens briefly around Zane’s arm, and he takes a shuddering breath. Zane is solid and alive beneath him, and the cold shiver of the blast that destroyed the Overlord he’s feeling is only in his head—

“Kai.” Zane’s looking at him, his eyes gentle. “I am alright.”

Kai’s lips tighten. “Yeah,” he says, thickly. “But you weren’t.”

Zane looks away, his eyes flashing. “I don’t regret what I did,” he says, stiffly. Something in Kai’s chest goes tight. “I can’t,” Zane continues, looking at Kai as if imploring him. “I can’t regret it, Kai. I am the only one who could have accomplished what I did. And if any of you had been lost, there would be no coming back. I am not going to apologize for keeping my family safe.”

They’re all too similar, Kai thinks, with a hopeless sort of despair. How is he supposed to argue with that?

“I-I get that,” he finally breathes, his grip on Zane’s wrist relaxing a bit. “But that doesn’t mean you’re expendable,” he murmurs. “You don’t have to take those hits.”

“I’m machine, Kai,” Zane says. “I can take hits you cannot—“

“That doesn’t mean you should,” Kai says, fiercely. “Why does somebody have to take the hits, anyways? Why can’t we just — dodge them, or something? Why can’t we all get out fine?”

Zane’s eyes widen, and Kai ducks his head briefly to hide the emotion he knows is swimming in his. Darn it.

He feels Zane tug his wrist from his grasp, only to immediately take his hand instead, squeezing.

“Next time,” Zane says, slowly. “We’ll try. All of us getting out fine, that is.”

Kai snorts, lightly knocking his head against Zane’s shoulder as the fire drains from him. “Next time,” he groans. “You really gotta give the universe that opening, huh.”

Zane smiles, a full one. “Would you prefer our lives be boring?”

Kai looks at him, and shakes his head with a tiny laugh. “Depends on your definition of boring,” he says, but he takes Zane’s wrist again, thawing out the last of the frozen spots with a flash of warmth. Zane lifts his wrist, rotating it twice and looking pleased.

“That is better,” he exhales in relief. “Thank you, Kai.”

“Anytime,” Kai grins. “Just make it up to me by never falling apart again.”

*****************

With most of its light taken, Kai’s fire burns lesser than it usually does, and he’s never been more infuriated with the fact.

Lloyd is half-frozen by the time they pull him from the Caves of Despair, blue-lipped and shivering, and Kai is tempted to push his slowly-returning powers to the max and light him a fire on the beach here and now.

But he can see Sensei bringing the ship around even now, and he knows that as soon as he could even get a fire started, they’d have to move Lloyd again. So he pulls Lloyd closer, his arm loped around his shoulders — too bony, too thin, too cold to be his brother’s — and hopes that he’s at least running warm, today.

Lloyd shudders, but he leans closer into Kai as they limp their way to the ship, and Kai figures that’s the best he can ask for right now.

Or it was, until they hit the deck and Lloyd’s suddenly going boneless, the last strength he’d been using to walk vanishing. Kai barely manages to catch him before he hits the ground, and then things go chaotic for a moment. Misako is gasping and Jay is giving a panicked little yelping sound, Zane sounds like he’s trying run a diagnosis and Nya looks like she’s crying and Sensei is trying to grab Lloyd away from him which Kai is not having, no thank you, Lloyd is staying with him and anyone else can keep their hands off—

Kai probably overreacts, a bit.

But Lloyd’s been in Morro’s grasp for weeks.

“S’not your fault,” Lloyd manages to get out between wracking shivers, once they’ve brought him belowdeck. There’s not much on board but a pathetic excuse for a couch they’re using as an even more pathetic excuse as a sickbed, and even though they’ve smothered him in the few blankets they have, they’re still on the ocean, Lloyd is still in a soaked gi, and some boats just don’t believe in proper heating systems.

Nya hushes him gently, working at the outer layer of his gi that’s stuck to his skin. She’s trying to get to his wrist, Kai thinks, because he can see the awful purpling of skin beneath where the fabric’s torn.

Lloyd looks down, damp strands of blond — blond, not black, Kai’s never appreciated the color more — hair hanging in his face as he wrings the edge of his gi out with trembling fingers, watching as the river water puddles on the floor. Kai swallows. The water that’s dripping from his elbow has turned a rusty, reddish color, as if it’s run into half-dried wounds somewhere beneath Lloyd’s gi.

If, Kai realizes with a sick swoop, is probably an incorrect term.

Nya gives a muttered curse, fussing over a spot near his neck. “This might be infected,” she murmurs, her voice tight. “It’s hard to tell with the bruising, but this cut down here definitely is, so…”

Nya trails off. Lloyd says nothing, his eyes hollow as he stares at the floor, and Kai feels something painful close down on his chest. Weeks. There are weeks of wounds and bruises on his brother, and Kai knows too well which ones he put there himself—

Nya’s hand falters as she reaches the clasp on his gi that stretches over his chest, and her face goes white for some reason. She swallows, her jaw working before she shakes her head.

“I’m not sure how much we can do for him here,” she says, her voice tight. “But I’ll get Zane. He may be able to help.”

She squeezes Lloyd’s shoulder before she goes, her expression set and strong in comparison to Lloyd’s hazy gaze.

Kai catches her dashing at her eyes as she goes, though, and he knows he isn’t the only one blaming himself.

Brushing those thoughts off, Kai scoots his seat closer to Lloyd, taking up his hand where Nya left it. The least he can do is wrap the scrapes, he thinks, as he watches Lloyd carefully. His lips are still tinged blue, and the hand Kai is wrapping is far too pale to be his little brother’s. He’s too cold, Kai thinks again, with a fiery burst of anger. He’s too thin to hold in heat right now, gaunt and wasted away as Morro’s left him. His face is ashy white and his cheekbones too pronounced and FSM, if Morro’s gone and killed the last of Lloyd’s baby fat with this—

Lloyd shivers violently, his teeth clacking on a plaintive, pained whimper, and Kai tears himself from the hot rage building in his gut.

“You okay?” he asks quickly, before realizing that’s a stupid question. “I can go grab you another blanket, and — there might a spare hoodie somewhere, so you aren’t stuck in that—“

Kai moves to stand, figuring he’ll send Cole in to keep watch while he’s gone, because he’s not leaving Lloyd alone for another second, when Lloyd’s hand suddenly latches around his wrist, cold fingers holding tight.

“S-stay,” Lloyd manages. “Please?”

Kai blinks, his heart twisting even as he frowns. As if he’d ever be able to say no to that.

“You’re freezing,” he tries. “You gotta get warm, Lloyd, I’m just gonna grab—“

“You’re warm,” Lloyd rasps, his eyes panicked. “You’re — I haven’t — it’s just been — him and me, for so long, and—“

Lloyd stutters over the words, as if speaking itself is unfamiliar, and frustration flashes across his expression. His fingers skirt the edge of his forehead, as if reassuring himself he’s the only one in it. Then his fingernails start digging in tight, and Kai’s sliding onto the couch next to him, hastily tugging his hand away.

“Okay,” he says, quickly. “I’ll stay. I’m staying.”

Lloyd’s shoulders sag in relief, even as another shudder wracks him, and Kai moves closer on the couch, pulling Lloyd to him. Lloyd leans into him with a soft noise of relief, wincing briefly as his arm shifts before settling. Kai’s briefly debating the wisdom of starting a fire on a tiny wooden ship in the middle of open sea, when Lloyd speaks up.

“Thanks for — saving me,” he whispers, his voice cracked and ragged in the quiet of the cabin.

Kai bites his lip. “I didn’t do much,” he mutters, angry at himself. “You still got dropped in the river. You still spent weeks—“

“S’fine, Kai,” Lloyd’s quiet voice interrupts him. A ghost of a smile crosses his face. “I liked how you t-tricked him with the Realm Crystal. Was funny.”

“Oh yeah.” Kai blinks, remembering the low fire he’d been able to draw up to heat the crystal with. “Hey, you like that, just wait until I get a clear shot at his face.”

Lloyd gives a shivering snort, burying his face more firmly into Kai’s side. Kai wants to argue that he should go for the blanket — Kai took a swim in the river too, and he’s not dry himself at the moment, even if he’s not chattering his teeth apart like Lloyd is.

But Lloyd seems to disagree, clearly finding some sort of comfort from him. His shivers begin to ebb, the awful tightness in his shoulders relaxing as he slumps against Kai, his face hidden in his gi. Kai adjusts his hold, pulling Lloyd closer with both arms, as if he can will the heat from the fire in his veins to cross over to Lloyd through osmosis.

Lloyd gives a shuddery breath, his fingers wrapping tight around the edge of Kai’s gi. “I don’ wanna go to the museum alone anymore,” he whispers, his voice thick.

Kai’s arms tighten more, his eyes burning. “You’re not going anywhere alone,” he says, his voice raw. “Ever again. You got that? I’m not letting you go, ever.”

Lloyd makes a snuffled noise of what might be amusement. “Gotta lemme go eventually,” he mumbles.

Kai shakes his head, even though he knows Lloyd can’t see the gesture. As if. He presses his head against the top of Lloyd’s, damp hair tickling his face as he assures himself that he’s there.

He’s failed to protect Lloyd one too many times, now. If something like this happens again, someone’s gonna die.

“Good luck getting rid of me, runt,” he murmurs.

*****************

Kai’s fire is tested, again and again, but the biggest test doesn’t even come down to fighting — it comes down to the forge, right back where he started, and the irony isn’t lost on him.

At least the FSM had the foresight to chose one blacksmith for his ninja, he thinks sourly, after realizing how close they’d all come to dying horribly.

Some of them much closer than others.

He spends the first few hours after the battle’s won in a panic, latching onto Lloyd much like he did when he still barely came up to his knee (Lloyd will argue that him growing several feet taller didn’t change anything, but Lloyd is an ungrateful brat, so). The image of his little brother lying motionless on the monastery stone, cold and sightless and gone, is still too fresh, and with all that Lloyd’s been through recently, and all that Kai’s had to stand back and watch, he’s not planning on detaching anytime soon.

But Lloyd isn’t the only one he’d almost lost — Cole had been lost too, for a minute there, and that reminder scrapes in his throat like sandpaper. Lloyd must notice, because he gently pushes Kai away, assuring him that he’s fine, he’s good now, and Nya’s got an eye on him anyways.

“I think Cole could use you, too,” Lloyd finishes, his eyes concerned.

Kai, more worn out than he’d thought he could be after a day, simply nods, squeezing Lloyd’s arm briefly before getting to his feet. He trudges through the monastery, picking his way over fallen beams and rubble. It doesn’t take him long to find Cole — none of them are eager to wander very far, preferring to stay close to each other.

So they can remind themselves they’re all alive, Kai thinks, something tight in his chest unwinding as he spots Cole, leaning against the edge of the wall that holds their paintings, eyes fluttering as he basks in the waning sun. Kai halts just at the edge of the wall, studying Cole briefly, before Cole speaks up.

“How’s Lloyd?”

Cole’s voice is quiet, but he doesn’t sound as wrecked as Kai does. “He’s alright,” Kai says, moving forward and sitting cross-legged on the stone next to Cole. “Kinda shaken up, I think, but he’s a tough little green machine.”

“Thank FSM for that,” Cole murmurs, leaning his head back against the wall. Kai nods, then frowns.

“Where’d the others get off to?” It’s odd that they’d leave Cole alone — Jay’s been an especially clingy barnacle, his face pinched and concerned as he’d stuck to Cole after the battle. Zane hadn’t been much better, flitting between Cole and Lloyd like an anxious, manic sort of nurse.

“Jay busted his ankle during the battle,” Cole sighs. “He would’ve gotten away with it if Zane hadn’t caught him limping, so they’re patching that up in the monastery.”

“Ah,” Kai says, internally wincing. He hadn’t even noticed Jay’d been hurt. He’d been so focused on—

“I’m fine, you know,” Cole says, his eyes still closed where he leans against the wall. “In case you were thinking of going off like a mother hen, too.”

Kai narrows his eyes at him briefly. Cole has been claiming he’s fine ever since he sprung from his vehicle like a big smug hero, but it doesn’t take a genius to spot the ugly bruising that’s spanning the back of his neck and shoulders, the haunted look that still lingers on his face.

But Cole looks as exhausted as he is, so Kai swallows the sharp retort he’s forming.

“Please. Me, a mother hen?” he snorts instead. “Have you met me?”

Cole laughs at that, a real, warm laugh that sounds like Cole again, and Kai feels rather pleased with himself. Cole’s expression tightens briefly, and he shifts, a hissing escaping his teeth as he rubs his left shoulder.

“Cole,” Kai says.

“Yeah, I know,” Cole grumbles, sounding resigned. “Let me have my dignity for five more minutes, alright?”

Kai chews on the inside of his cheek, glaring at him. Cole’s eyes are still closed, but he seems to sense the stare he’s getting, because he sighs, his head dropping as he scrubs at his eyes.

“I just…there’s sun out here,” he finally murmurs. “You can’t feel it as well inside.”

Kai frowns at that, confused. “What do you need the sun for?”

Cole looks up, the reddening sunlight glinting in his dark eyes, and it suddenly hits Kai. Oh. He’s just a moron, then. Of course Cole wants to see the sun, he just fell into a death cloud of eternal darkness.

“Oh,” he says lamely, probably sounding like an idiot.

Cole shakes his head, his eyes going haunted again. “I didn’t…think I’d see it again,” he exhales on a ghost of a laugh. “It was so dark, you know? I didn’t — I wasn’t giving up, but I…it was…”

Cole trails off, his expression shadowing. “It was cold,” he murmurs, flexing his hand and watching the veins shift. “It was so cold. Like I’d never be warm again, like I was—“

Cole swallows, his jaw working, and Kai is pretty useless right now, but at least Cole’s given him something. Cole’s hand fists in on itself again, tight and rigid, and Kai grabs for it with a huff, forcing his fingers to relax.

“You’re gonna break something, stop that,” he chides.

Cole goes tense, but he doesn’t pull away, watching as Kai drags his fingers back open, until Cole looks slightly more relaxed. Kai moves to pull his hand away, but he shifts closer to Cole, so his arm is bumping his. This would work a lot better if Cole had kept up the sleeveless tradition, Kai think sourly as he brings the fire in his veins up a few degrees hotter, but something in Cole’s expression fractures and eases out all the same, and he leans heavier against Kai.

Good enough, Kai figures.

Cole’s eyes flutter, the stress lines in his forehead easing out before his eyebrows furrow briefly. “You aren’t running a fever, are you?”

“Nah,” Kai shakes his head. “That’s just me, remember? Too hot to handle."

Cole snorts. “Always a hothead,” he murmurs, but he sounds infinitely grateful for the fact, and Kai feels a flare of pride burst in his chest.

“Rock for brains,” Kai shoots back, but it comes out disgustingly fond.

*****************

Irony’s always been a big player in Kai’s life, but it doesn’t get really cruel until they’re in a realm of perpetual cold, where fire is desperately needed and would really come in handy, and his fire is gone.

It hadn’t hit him, at first. Sure, Aspheera dangling him in the middle of the tomb like a rag doll and forcibly tearing the fire out of him hadn’t been fun — had hurt like heck, actually, he thinks as he rubs a hand across his chest. But he’d been able to get up and walk it off.

It wasn’t until he tried to call up his powers to save someone from the fire snakes that he met a horrible, gaping emptiness in his chest, immediately followed by a blistering cold that cut him to the core.

That same cold cuts him even now, like it has this whole fantastic experience. It doesn’t matter how many layers he’s got on, or how high he had cranked the heat, Kai still feels cold. He feels cold even under the sweltering heat of Aspheera’s ugly fire-snake zombies — mummies — whatever they are, and he definitely feels cold now that they’re wandering though frozen wastelands.

Though this is more of a deathly freezing, Kai thinks bitterly, his arms quaking from shivers where he’s wrapped them around himself.

He hisses through his teeth, watching his breath mist up in the air in front of him. They’re lucky to have found the villagers, he knows that. They’d probably be dead if they hadn’t, and isn’t that a pleasant thought. But even walking through the small village leaves him feeling half-dead, and the look on the faces of the villagers isn’t a whole lot better. They’re freezing too, have probably been freezing for decades, and that makes Kai’s chest hurt in a way the loss of his powers doesn’t.

And they’re not the only ones, Kai thinks with a pang, as he shifts his way into their tent. The others don’t look as bad as they did earlier, shivering next to him through the forests, but it’s still bad. Jay’s constantly hopping from foot to foot, his freckles standing out with definition against the white of his face. Cole seems slightly less bothered at first glance, but it’s easy to see the constant fear he’s holding back if you know him, the way he keeps looking to the sky in search of the sun.

Nya’s stubbornly fighting back shivers, but her stubbornness is matched by her frustration at her powers, and she’s fighting a losing battle. (Kai can sympathize.) And Lloyd — Lloyd is doing his absolute best to hold them all together like he has been this whole thing, eyebrows set in the determined kind of stubbornness he gets with his leader face, but ninety percent of the sentences he gets out are punctuated by his teeth chattering, and his arms are wrapped around himself so tightly Kai wonders if he’s going to snap in half.

The absence of Zane is biting as usual, and Kai’s trying not to think about it too hard. Bad memories, and all that.

They’re gonna get him back sooner this time — they will.

And they could probably do it a lot faster if Kai’s stupid powers would work—

But they won’t, Kai thinks, blinking back frustration. He’s lost his — no, he hasn’t just lost his powers. He’s lost his fire, his heat, the one thing he’s always been able to do right even when he was messing everything else up.

Kai’s got nothing. He can’t help these people, he can’t help his family, and he can’t even help himself. He’s useless.

The wave of completely crippling despair that keeps trying to drown him is not helping, either.

Kai huddles tighter in on himself where he sits on the constructed bench, biting his lip in an attempt to get his teeth to stop chattering. Not — definitely not to hold back tears, or anything. That’s not — he’s useless, but he’s not—

Nya suddenly materializes in front of him, kicking lightly at his leg with her foot.

“Scoot over,” she orders. Kai blinks at her, then complies, shifting over and wincing as he does. Even moving hurts in this cold.

Instead of keeping her distance, like he’d expected, Nya shoves herself right into his personal space, knocking their elbows together and shoving his over until she’s tucked against him, the end of her ponytail just tickling the edge of his chin.

Kai’s about to ask her what she’s doing — not that he minds, but they’re in front of the villagers right now — but then Lloyd’s barging his way against his other side, scooting in close and muttering something about Nya being a space hog. Nya sticks her tongue out at him from where she’s taken over Kai’s right arm, and Lloyd makes a face at her from where he’s wrapped around his left.

“Guys, what—“

As if being sibling-sandwiched wasn’t enough, Cole and Jay are suddenly there, coming in for the kill as well apparently, and there really is not enough room on this bench—

“Guys, for real.” Kai’s voice comes almost muffled from where he’s smothered on all sides by his family, now unable to move for an entirely different reason. He manages to shift slightly, but Lloyd’s got a death grip on his arm — the urchin — and doesn’t let him get any further.

Kai goes limp, exhaling.

“Guys, I’m not…” he trails off, biting his lip. His jaw clenches tightly, and he blows a shuddery breath out. “I’m not gonna warm you up this time. I don’t have any heat left.”

Jay snorts. “So?”

Kai blinks at him, and Cole shakes his head from where he’s plastered at Kai’s back. “Not the point,” he sighs.

“It’s never just ‘cause the heat, you know,” Lloyd says, quietly. “We like you for you. There’s a personality in there, too.”

“S’just our turn to warm you up,” Nya says. “That’s all. Fair’s fair, right?”

Oh. Words are escaping Kai at the moment, along with any other ability to make sounds come out. He really does have to blink back emotion this time, because it’s so cold any kind of moisture that sneaks its way out is going to freeze almost immediately.

But it’s also not quite as cold, all squished up by the others like this, and the blistering cold in Kai’s chest doesn’t ache so badly.

He might not have his fire, but he doesn’t really have nothing. He’s got his family. And that’s enough warmth to keep him going for now.

#lego ninjago #ninjago #ninjago spoilers #kai smith #ninjago kai #lloyd garmadon #nya smith #cole brookstone #jay walker #zane julien #they're all there more or less #i just have feeling about kai #i mean i always do but esp tonight #my fic

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toast-the-unknowing · 4 years

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any tips for writing dialogue? i struggle so bad to make it sound authentic and as a result always turn to descriptive imagery instead. (which is fine if im writing something angsty, but not cute and fluffy ya feel?) any tips would be greatly appreciated! ty

The other day in my D&D party, our hedgewitch (who learns his magic through intense study of books and nature) asked our sorcerer (who has innate magic powers and also sometimes just blows shit up on accident) if she could teach him how she cast fireball. Our sorcerer said "you, uh, you know -- " and she waved her hands around " -- you do. The spell."

I am kind of feeling like our sorcerer right now, because dialogue more than anything else about writing is the part that just sorta happens for me, and when I try to articulate how I do it, it is hard to say anything other than "the voices say stuff and I write it down real fast before I can forget."

I will say, because dialogue is often the first thing I am writing in a new scene or a new story, it gets written out in long chunks with very few other words popping up. I might note the emotions a character is having or the way a piece of dialogue is delivered, or jot down what the character is thinking that isn't getting said so I have it for frame of reference later, and I will write down an action that's essential to my understanding of what is happening in the scene, but it's really mostly just the dialogue. I'm not even doing tags or punctuation at this point. Without knowing your process, writing dialogue JUST as dialogue may help you find a flow, which generally results in more natural sounding lines. It's a theory I have, anyway.

The absolute hardest bits of dialogue for me are when I have a chunk of dialogue from the beginning of a scene, and a chunk of dialogue from later in that scene, and I have to connect them, because oh man it's so hard to force dialogue down a specific pathway. The dialogue wants to run rampant! It wants to be free! It doesn't WANT to go over there where the plot needs it to! Generally there's a way that I could stitch up the hole in these scenes in two lines that would take us LOGICALLY from point a to point b, but that just...doesn't sound good, and doesn't feel natural.

Sometimes I just literally can't get there from here, and either the earlier dialogue or the later dialogue needs to go, but usually what works is to just follow the last line I have with, "okay what's something that the character might say in response to that. What's something the other character might say in response to that. Is that line something that would evoke an emotional reaction from this character? Is it something that would make them think of another topic of conversation?" And just keep writing and seeing where the conversation goes until I find a more natural bridge to the later dialogue.

This may be helpful even if you aren't looking for a connection per se, but are just trying to make dialogue happen, or if you know the general beats your scene needs to be hitting but don't have anything laid out. We often know what we want a scene to ACCOMPLISH, in terms of the plot or the character arc or the relationship, and that can sometimes put pressure on the dialogue to address that. Asking yourself when you get stuck "how would he feel about that" or "what would she have to say about that" or "what mood or agenda or thought process is this person having that their conversation partner doesn't know about" can get you unstuck and ground the dialogue in what's natural for your characters.

Maybe the way the conversation goes when you do that is not where you thought it would or where you need it to. That's awesome! I love letting a conversation wander and just see where it goes. I used to watch one of those shows with a giant ensemble and a dozen story lines every week, and I noticed after a while that there would be scenes where a character would walk into a room, say all of the things that were important to the plot, and then leave, without anyone reacting. Obviously that's a pacing problem, they just had too much story to tell and not enough time, but it was SO WEIRD. And it was boring. The little moments in a conversation where the characters are talking about something "unimportant" are the best moments, I love those! So if you're worried your dialogue is getting off point, maybe follow it, it might lead you to a really authentic moment.

Obviously, don't just have your characters talk for five minutes about, like, the latest Marvel movie, just for the sake of saying something off topic. But this is a really good way of incorporating other elements from your story. Is there something that's thematically relevant to the story even if it doesn't have anything to do with the plot? Is there a side character who's not in this scene that your characters might be worried about, or annoyed with, or making fun of? Is there something that exists in the space because you created it with your descriptive imagery, and now that it exists the characters might comment on it or be affected by it? Is there something that happened earlier in the story that has been dealt with on a plot level but that your characters might still be having some residual emotions about?

I do realize that this tip for writing dialogue basically turned into "write more dialogue," but maybe in and of itself that would help! Practice makes perfect?

I will say, keep each character’s turn with the talking stick SHORT. Speeches rarely sound authentic. You want back and forth. Short lines are good. Short sentences within lines are good, too, although I fully admit to having a weakness for stupidly long sentences. But dialogue lets you bend the rules, go ahead and break out the sentence fragments.

Dialogue also sounds better if it has a chance to breathe; this is something I do actively work at, because it's the part of dialogue that isn't dialogue. If one character says something kind of heavy, or something unexpected, or something that puts a pin on the current topic of conversation, there's probably going to be a beat before anyone else says anything. Sometimes the character needs to take a beat FOR THEMSELVES before they continue with the thing they were saying! Screenwriters have it so fucking easy here, man, because they just get to write (beat) and then the directors get some close ups of actors' faces and the editor cuts that moment to breathe in for them. Prose writers gotta do it for themselves.

For a little beat, sometimes just placing your dialogue tag where you need it to be -- e.g. "he says" before the dialogue instead of after -- can do it. Sometimes you gotta get creative. This is where you can get cliched things like characters constantly raising their eyebrows or shrugging or smirking, which, cliches become cliches for a reason, they work, but you don't want to overdo it. Sometimes it helps to draw on the surroundings and the set up. Put your characters in a setting where things are happening around them, then you can take a beat while you describe one of those things that’s happening. Give the characters an activity to do, and intersperse that action through the dialogue. For the "this is a place that hurts" conversation in it all will fall, fall right into place, I knew I was going to want to have LOTS of beats in that conversation, so I made them go get lunch, and every time Adam wasn't able to say something one of them would eat some pizza or pick up a napkin. I am not a very visual thinker and I write all my dialogue first, so I have to find ways to fill these beats after the fact, and sometimes I struggle with it. This might be something that you can do a great job with, if descriptions and imagery are happening in your head anyway! Put them to work!

The flip side of "keep it short" and "let the dialogue breathe" is don't write superfluous lines. Look for places that you can condense. If you have a conversation where one character isn't really saying anything of substance, but is just kind of interjecting questions like a sidekick asking the late night host "no, I don't know, who was it?" that's probably a place you can crunch your back-and-forth down into one (not too long) line delivery.

Also, seriously, if descriptive imagery is what's easy for you, lean into it! You can totally write fluff that is more narration-heavy than dialogue-heavy, for one thing. But beyond that, is there a reason that descriptions are easier for you to write? Are there tools you use in that writing that you can apply to dialogue? If you're a visual thinker, can you use that to visualize where the characters are to help get in their heads? If you like finding fun little turns of phrase for your description, oh man, puts some fun turns of phrase in that dialogue. I think dialogue can seem like a completely different thing from narration, but at the end of the day, they're both writing. If you can do the one I absolutely have faith you can find a way to do the other. Good luck!

#writing #eyescllsed #as always NO idea if any of this is helpful so I just threw a LOT of spaghetti at that wall #hey at least this time I didn't recommend improv classes #(....take some improv classes)

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percywinchester27 · 4 years

Text

About a boy (Part-4)

Word count: 2.2K

Warning: Suspense, feels, mention of physical abuse and bullying

Characters: Dean, Cas, Gabriel, Benny, Michael, OCs and… Sam?

Summary: Dean Winchester has a secret. A secret that could really land him in trouble. He never expected to connect with anyone when he walked into the ‘Blue Stone Orphanage for Boys,’ but even then, the walls he has put up are slowly coming down. Now, a series of strange events are threatening to expose him. When everything starts falling apart around him, will he still be able to save the one person that matters the most?

A/N: I have to thank each and everyone of you who’ve taken the time out to read this series, and comment. It truly means the world to me :’)

All my love to @thing-you-do-with-that-thing and @deanssweetheart23 for beta reading this story. You are awesome <3

About a boy masterlist

"How many Sams can there be?" Dean complained as they walked back from school. "I mean seriously?"

Cas smiled sympathetically. "It's not about how many. It's about the shuffling crowd. Stynes- the family that owns the place - are apparently very influential. They have all sorts of crazy contacts and kids just get adopted all the time."

"Really?" Dean tried to keep a poker face. It wouldn't bode well to let Cas see through him about what he really thought of the Stynes.

"Yeah." Cas said, blissfully ignorant of Dean's tone which was grudgingly challenging. "I mean, it's not like you and me stand a chance, but the little kids are taken up all the time."

"Sam's not a little kid."

"True, but the kids still get shuffled a lot. Foster homes, other orphanages. You could see one face today, and then never see it again." Cas narrowed his eyes.

"You sound weirded out by that," Dean noted.

Cas looked at him, brow furrowed. "But it is weird, isn't it? My earlier orphanage was so sleepy. Barely anything happened there. Then there's this place which is so secretive, doesn't let the kids interact across all age groups. I've been here for 7 years, Dean, and I just never get to know everyone."

Dean stayed quiet. This conversation was dangerously inching towards the subject of how and why Dean had ended up at the orphanage in the first place. And Cas was smart.

"Shit." Cas stopped, eyes wide and panicked. "What if… what if Sam was here and they moved him away? Damn it, Dean. What the hell will we do?"

Dean pursed his lips, trying not to smile. Cas's worry and fear was heartwarming. It was still a task to be careful about what he says because his friends kindness tempted Dean sorely. "My sources were pretty solid. He's here. He was here when I came in. Besides, he's 12. Kids that old don't just get adopted."

Dean could feel Cas looking at him curiously as they started walking again. He was tempted to tell Cas the truth, all of it, but he held back. For now, it was only his burden to carry. He didn't want to put Cas in trouble, or worse, endanger his life. He had avoided all of Cas's questions about where he had come from so far, but dodging the queries had proven to be harder and harder day after day. Then there was the guilt. Cas was going out of his way to help him, and Dean had been as secretive as possible. At least he could draw solace from the fact that it was for Cas's own good.

"What about you?" Dean asked, changing the topic. "You've been here so long. You didn't get tossed around?"

Again, Cas looked uncomfortable. "All of us, from the old orphanage, we've just stayed together."

He didn't say it, but Dean understood. It was Michael. Cas and everyone from the 'Angel names orphanage' as he called it in his head, was somehow protected. He didn't know what Michael's deal was, but he was up to something… something that, by default, provided a protection to everyone under his umbrella, including Cas.

All those angel named kids were settled now. They had a reassurance that they were sticking around till the end. Which explained the pride, bullying and the strut like they owned the place. But not Cas. The privilege embarrassed him. The idea that he was singled out and treated preferentially was both unpleasant and distressing at some level to him. It made him uneasy.

It made Dean like him more.

They walked in companionable silence for the rest of the way home.

******************************

It had been 3 weeks. Dean was frustrated.

How much more searching could he do? Every minute was spent plotting the next move, trying to squeeze in time to slip into the record room. It took so much of his own patience, that Dean wondered when Cas would snap and cut himself loose from the hunt. After all, Sam meant nothing to him.

Even so, Cas's commitment never faltered. He went about searching the records as dedicatedly as possible. Every day.

They had found six Sams in the records so far. Three of them had already turned 18 and left the boys home. One had been transferred and two more were too young. By nightfall, Dean wanted to fling something at the figurative heaven. He all but yelled at Cas to stop praying in the evening. There was no God up there.

Dean was also tired of counting all the brown haired kids. There were way too many. More than half easily. He soon realised it was about as pointless as finding a needle in a haystack.

After lights out, he slipped out of his room once more. Cas and Gabriel were both out like a light, but Benny, who was reading something in torchlight, gave Dean a look as he passed. Dean had a suspicion that Benny knew where he and Cas sneaked off to in the evenings, but he hadn't said a word about it, neither had he given the impression that it so much as even mattered to him. Dean had learned to ignore Benny. Cas was always absolutely pleasant to him, but Benny never spoke more than a word or two. Even Gabe, who went around chilling with almost everyone, maintained a decent stance with Benny. Not like he was scared, but like he respected him.

Dean just couldn't bring himself to feel anything. And tonight, when he walked out, with Benny's eyes following him, he wondered if one day he was going to land in trouble thanks to Benny's lack of response.

He found himself back at the steps, back to grill, eyes closed in the light breeze flowing through the corridor.

"Back again, I see."

Dean did not jump this time, but his lips pulled up in a half smirk.

"So are you."

There was a soft chuckle from the other side.

"How was the Oly… uh… the thing that you had." Dean scratched his head. "Oh yeah… the Olympiad."

"Okay, I guess," the voice said. The kid sounded pleasant. "I mean, I don't think I'm failing or anything." Then he added in a small voice. "I just don't want to think about the result."

Dean snorted quietly. Normal problems.

Then it hit him.

"You're what? 11? 12? Why're you participating in Olympiads?"

"Seemed like a good exercise for the brain." It was no big deal to him from the way he said it.

Smart and pleasant. That was a rare combination for a kid in an orphanage.

"How long you've been here?" Dean asked.

"About half a year, I guess? Ain't the worst place I've been in."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Even with all the detention camp treatment? What with the lock-down and no interaction."

The kid laughed, only slightly bitter. "Well, you haven't been in too many orphanages then."

It was true. What did Dean know about that?

"Have you been to too many?"

The boy sighed. "About five, I think. That's not counting the abusive Children's home." He said it as a matter of fact.

"They hurt you?" Dean's heart seemed to be squeezed.

"Ehhh… mostly I ended up hurting myself."

"How?"

A dry scoff. "Can't deal with people who throw weight around like that. If I saw someone getting hit, I'd go stand up to abusive idiots."

"I'm sorry that happened to you," Dean murmured sincerely. It was unfair.

To his surprise, the boy laughed. "Don't be. It's how I learned to fight. I can throw a mean punch."

Dean couldn't help the appreciation he felt.

"What's your name, kid?"

The voice went silent.

Dean waited for a couple of minutes, but no reply came.

"Hey?" He tried again.

"It's against the rules to be out, ya know?"

"You think I'm gonna rat you out?" Dean asked, incredulous. "Look around, kid, I'm breaking the rules, too, here."

At long last the voice sighed. "It's Will. Short for William."

There was some solace in getting to know the kids name after all. At least he had gotten one answer today, as opposed to all the ones he had been searching for.

"I'm Dean. Dean Winchester."

"You have a last name," Will noted.

That clearly meant Will didn't have one. He had been in orphanages since he was too young to have known his real name. Sure he might have a made up last name in the papers, but it was just that, a formality.

Dean couldn't stop himself from asking the question. "Why are you up tonight? Another test?"

Another scoff. "Not really."

"Care to elaborate?"

Another silence.

"Well, aren't you being one secretive bitch today?" Dean grumbled. Will intrigued him, and that annoyed him.

"You're the one to talk, jerk," Will shot back. "Especially after how mysterious you played last time."

It was true. Kid had a point. He had, in fact, disappeared on the boy the last time.

A heavy exhale sounded from the other side. "It's just, I can't stop thinking about what lies beyond these walls. One of the boys I knew was transferred today and I don't know where he's gone. Sometimes I wonder if… if I even have a future."

"What?"

"I know!" Will said, talking fast now. "Most kids just end up on the police roll call, the only place their picture ends up is in mug shots. It's what Andy says."

"Andy's an idiot!" Dean stated.

Will laughed. "Maybe."

More silence - comforting and companionable.

Out of the blue the idea came to Dean. "Hey, there's something you can help me with?"

"Oh-kay?" Will sounded wary.

"How old are you?"

"I don't see how that helps you with anything, but I'm 11," he replied.

"That's fantastic!" How had he not thought of this before? "Do you know anyone by the name Sam on your floor?"

"Sam?" There was the usual curiosity in his voice.

"Yeah!" Dean had to keep his voice from getting the better of him. "Sam or Samuel or anyone like that?"

There was no reply, just a loud thrumming. As if the boy was tapping his fingers against his lap or the other hand. "There's one kid called Sammy, I think."

Dean's throat constricted, his heart doubled its beat. Could he be? Could it really be?

"No wait… his name is Sandy," Will corrected. "Don't think I know a Sam… but I can't say for sure that I know everyone."

Dean seemed to deflate. He wanted to punch something… someone... for both- the hope and hopelessness. One of it was going to kill him, he was sure.

"What do you want with this Sam, anyway?" Will asked and Dean wanted to slap his head.

"Fine, don't tell me! But don't go back to being the mysterious shadow," Will added quickly, making Dean smile.

"Let's just say it's a personal research project for me. It's my way out of this place… to my future," Dean said. He didn’t know what Will made out of it, but the kid remained quiet for a while.

“There’s twenty new kids on the floor. Came in about a month ago,” Will said, slowly. “I’ll ask around and let you know.”

Dean wanted to ask why. Why was this kid helping him? He had expected the question from Will- that ‘what was in it from him?’ But no such conditions came. Will offered his help freely… willingly. Just like Cas had. Maybe Dean needed to trust people more, see the good in them often, because there was all the good there, that which he couldn’t have possibly hoped for.

“Thanks, man,” he said quietly.

“No problem,” Will chimed. “I’ll keep this hushed.”

Perhaps he understood what hope of a future meant.

Dean realised that the more he got to know the people here, the more they surprised him with their kindness. Cas, Will… and unexpectedly even Gabriel and Benny in their zealousness and quiet had all helped him in their own way. Dean was starting to care. He didn't like it.

Will yawned abruptly.

“Get some sleep,” Dean suggested. His was evading him.

There was some scuffling as Will got to his feet. “Night, Dean. I hope you find your Sam.” His voice was soft, both grave and reassuring at the same time. It startled Dean, and he wondered if Will truly understood how much finding Sam meant to Dean.

“Night,” he said.

The feet shuffled away and Dean squinted into the darkness, pointlessly trying to discern the passing shape, trying to get one look at the boy who had selflessly, unconditionally agreed to help him.

That night when he closed his eyes, for a second… or, at least, a fraction of it, Dean felt the strangest urge to send a thought up to heaven, or whatever higher power there was. He finally understood why Cas prayed, understood the urge to want something better for other people. Maybe Cas’s God will listen to Dean.

******************************

A/N 2: I really really hope y’all like this story!! Please let me know what you think… the feedback is what keeps me going :)

If you wanna be tagged, please send me an ask

About a Boy taglist:

@sdavid09 @deanssweetheart23 @blacktithe7 @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @cosicas-cuquis @chalicia @anathewierdo @mrswhozeewhatsis @protectteamfreewill @firefly124-writing @spnbaby-67 @hoboal87 @rizlow1 @donnaintx @starmission @gh0stgurl @tftumblin @emily-a-c11 @ericaprice2008 @jotink78 @charliebradbury1104 @ohgodwhybloggg @i-dont-get-cold @bobbie3939 @samsexualdeancurious @dancing-the-hellfire-rumba

#dean winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #dean fanfiction #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #about a boy part 4 #aab 4 #anawrites #anawritesspn #Ana writes Dean #ana writes aab #q

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writingpaperghost · 4 years

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Like Father, Like Daughter (part 2)

So this part took a plot really similar to an early episode of Ultraman X. This was not intentional, initially, but I went with it. In other news, I think I’m going to get an AO3 account to also upload things here to. Anyway, there are several parts of this that I really enjoyed writing. Though I would like someone to bounce ideas off of, and to help me come up with ideas. So if you’d like, message me or something.

Day two, technically, of having Zero in her head, and Mayu is finding that her entire life is going to change from here. She just hopes she can keep her parents from worrying.

Mayu met Noa at the park, the next day. Noa wasn’t familiar with Riku, not that Mayu could claim to know him very well either. He was a big fan of some old tokusatsu show, he was friends with those two insurance agents that her dad sometimes talked to. He was also friends with the woman who she vaguely remembered from when she was a child, when she found herself with the strange ability to end up some where she wanted to be quicker than walking. The woman who she thought she could recall having a sword at some point. Which you think would be something that would stand out to her more, but she was like, six, so could you really blame her for not really remembering.

Regardless, though neither of them knew Riku very well, she supposed with Zero that shouldn’t matter. Though Mayu really hoped no one asked her about whether her parents knew about Zero. She was pretty sure that since Riku was an adult, he’d probably tell her that she needs to tell them. That sounds like something a responsible adult would do. Which, he’d be right, much like Zero, she knows that. She just… doesn’t want to worry her parents. Worse though, Riku could try to tell her dad. Then there would probably be an issue.

“So,” Noa said, “Where do we find this Riku that Zero’s looking for?”

Mayu thought for a moment, about to respond when she was cut off by Zero. “Do you know if he still works at Galaxy Market?” She thought again, but in all honesty, Mayu hadn’t seen Riku in a while. Not to mention that where he worked wouldn’t even be something she’d pay attention to.

“I’m not sure,” Mayu responded, answering both Noa and Zero’s questions. She figured that Galaxy Market would at least be a good place to start. Even if he wasn’t there, there would be no harm in checking. Of course, if he wasn’t there, then they would have no clues where to go after that.

A few minutes later, they stood in front of a storefront, a sign above declaring it’s name. “Galaxy Market”, Noa read aloud. “Well, we’re here, I guess. Let’s um, let’s pretend we’re actually gonna buy something. Just in case he’s not here, you know?”

“Agreed,” Mayu said, taking a deep breath and steeling herself before opening the door, entering the shop. The manager at the counter greeted them as they looked around. Noa and her split, both looking around at the shelves, though Mayu’s eyes also looked for Riku. She didn’t remember exactly what he looked like, but she figured that once she saw him, she’d know it. At the very least, Zero might remember what he looked like.

They spent a good twenty minutes waiting and looking. The two meet up in the middle of one of the isles, sighing in defeat. “Not a sign,” Mayu said quietly, noting Noa’s nod.

“I mean, I don’t know what he looks like, but there’s only the manager here.” Noa says, sparing another glance around.

“I guess it’s another dead end,” Mayu sighs as the two exit the building. “Now what?”

“I’m sure we’ll see him next time a monster attacks. He always wants to help people, after all.” Zero comments. Mayu freezes in her spot.

“I’m sorry, ‘the next time a monster attacks’?” She takes a moment to think about what he said, before adding, “You mean more will show up?”

“Monsters?” Noa asks, “More monsters?”

“It’s very likely,” Zero responds, “That’s part of why I’m here.”

Right, Mayu had forgotten about that. About the whole reason that Zero was here. She… was not prepared for this. All she could do is quietly hope that Zero could heal and this whole thing could be resolved quickly, hopefully before another monster attacked. “Yeah, right, guess I forgot about that.”

“Monsters,” Noa says, “Are a very hard things to forget about, especially big ones. Maybe if they were like, small monsters, I could get that, but big ones? Hard to forget.”

Mayu raises her hands in defense, “Yesterday was a bit crazy, okay? Today’s a bit crazy too.”

“That’s fair,” Noa grins, “But that does lead us to our next problem.”

“What to do next.” Mayu finishes. Noa nods, eyes looking around as they walk to a nearby park, sitting on a bench there. Galaxy Market was the only place that Mayu knew they might have been able to find Riku. Having not found him there, Mayu had no clue where to search next.

She supposed she could try asking her dad, but then he might want to know why she was looking for Riku. So that wasn’t really an option. She didn’t want explain Zero, and more importantly, she knew her dad would be so worried, something he didn’t need. She’d hold off, tell him when the time was right. Which wasn’t right now.

Who else did her dad know? Maybe one of them might know Riku? Not any of his coworkers, that much was obvious. It felt like everyone who might know she barely knew, so she would have no way of finding them and asking… Wait.

“Zero, do you have any ideas where Riku might be?”

There was silence for a moment, then Zero spoke, “Before, he lived under the observatory, there was an old lab of sorts there that he and Pega moved into. He might still be there,” Judging by the tone of his voice, Zero clearly forgot about that detail. That or he truly thought Riku had moved out. Either way it couldn’t hurt to look…

“Who’s Pega?”

“Riku’s shadow.”

Shadow? What did that mean? Mayu tried to ask, but Zero didn’t seem to want to elaborate. Well, at least they had a lead, no matter how shaky it was.

“Zero says he lived under the observatory when Zero last visited, so it’s worth a shot to check there.”

Noa stood up, straightening her skirt, “Alright then, to the observatory!” She points and marches off in the direction they had to head to get to the observatory. Never mind that the observatory wasn’t exactly close by and it would probably take them a while to get there.

They’d made it about four blocks, not even close to their destination, when Noa got distracted by something she saw in an alley way. Mayu follows her, noting how Noa is trying to reach something hiding behind a trash bin. A few minutes and a few grunts later, Noa produces a small, strange creature, cradling it in her arms.

Mayu had been expecting a cat or something. Maybe a puppy or a rat. Something normal, that you’d find in a city. Not… whatever it was that Noa held. It was red, resembling a bird of some kind. From the side of its beak were two sacs, that resembled a turkey, in a way. Honestly, if it weren’t so strange and real, then Mayu might have called it cute.

That, and the panicked curse Zero let out when he saw it.

Zero took control, yanking Mayu’s glasses off and shoving them in their pocket. It takes all of Mayu’s ability to restrain him from knocking the baby bird out of Noa’s arms.

“What’s wrong?” Noa asked, concerned. The bird in her arms chirped, drawing her attention back to it.

“That!” Zero hissed, “That’s what’s wrong!”

“Zero,” Mayu said, as calmly as she could, given all the effort she was exerting to keep Zero from freaking out and doing something. As a result, her voice sounded strained. “That’s a baby bird. A weird looking one, yes, but it’s not going to kill anyone.”

“Baby or not,” Came Zero’s protest, “It is a horrible thing and-”

Zero wasn’t allowed to finish his sentence, as a voice from behind them, from the entrance of the alley way called, “Excuse me!” Mayu wrenches control, reaching for her glasses as she turned around. Placing her glasses back where they belonged, Mayu examined the woman. She wore business attire and had long black hair. Overall, there was nothing particularly remarkable about her, but for some reason Mayu found she seemed familiar.

The woman walks up to them, “I’m Moa Aizaki, I work for Nico Nico Life Insurance-”

Noa hides the bird chick behind her back, cutting off the woman, “Sorry, but we don’t need life insurance. Why would you even approach people in an ally anyway? That’s weird.” From the entrance, a man comes along, walking to stand beside Moa. Mayu noted that the entrance, and only way out of the alley, was now blocked. Then Mayu noticed the man. He had black hair, wore a suit, but the most obvious thing about him, was how his neutral his face was. It was blank, not showing a hint of emotion. It was… unnerving. But beyond that, Mayu felt she recognized this man too…

“Ah!” Moa cried, “But we’d just like to look at that little bird you have there.”

Noa bit back, “Why? You’re an insurance agent. I bet your friend there is too.” Noa was, by most standards, a rather mild person. She got excited about things, sure, most people did. But there were times, like this one, where her mildness fell away to someone a lot more stubborn and determined. If Mayu hadn’t known Noa for the time she has and has seen Noa do this before, she might be startled. She’d certainly been the first time.

Zero let some nudge or stray thought of some kind flow to her, and that’s when Mayu realized something. She had seen these two before. A few times, actually. These were the insurance agents that her dad knew. And since it seemed like Zero recognized them, something told her that they weren’t just insurance agents.

“You two,” Mayu blurts right as Moa opened her mouth to respond, “You’re those insurance agents that my dad knows.”

“Huh?” Moa leans forward, examining Mayu. It’s silent for a moment, before she speaks again, “Oh, Mayu! Is this a friend of yours?”

“Your dad knows these two?” Noa blurts, jostling the bird behind her back, who lets out an indignant squawk. “Just how many weird people does he know? He’s a salary man!”

“What do you mean?” Moa asks, unconvincingly, “Zena and I are totally normal.”

No one present believed that statement.

“First yesterday,” Noa groans, “Now a possible wild goose chase today, alongside these two, who are very clearly not insurance agents. What’s next, another monster?”

It’s quiet for a moment before Mayu adds, “She’s got a point, you know. You two are very clearly not insurance agents. Is that why you want the bird, which is clearly not an ordinary bird?”

“Yes,” The man responded, the first words he’d said the whole time. Except, he didn’t speak. They heard a voice, but his lips didn’t move.

Noa, seemingly unfazed by the strangeness of Zena, persisted, “It’s just a baby, that’s not a very good reason.”

Zero reached up, removing Mayu’s glasses as Moa watched curiously. Mayu noted a glimmer of recognition in her eyes, like she’d seen something like this before. Maybe she had, she might have known Mayu’s dad when Zero was around.

“Noa, that baby bird,” The words came out somewhat strained, only causing Moa to watch even more curiously, “Is a baby Birdon. Birdon chicks, grow into very dangerous adult Birdons.”

“Birdon?” Noa asked, while Moa had an amazed look on her face, Zena watching as impassively as before.

“A giant monster,” Zero clarified, “A very aggressive, and as I said before, dangerous, giant monster.”

Noa bit her lip, her resolve clearly wavering. She glanced down to the little bird in his arms, which chirped cheerfully. She examined it for a moment, seemingly lost in thought. While Noa thought, Moa turned to look at Zero.

“Mayu, how did you know about Birdon? And why did you take your glasses off?” Moa’s eyes examined Zero, looking for an answer. Mayu contemplated trying to wretch control from Zero, but she ultimately decided it was pointless. She wouldn’t have a way to explain why she - or rather Zero- knew about Birdon. Mayu hadn’t even heard that name until today. In all likelihood, Moa already knew the answer to her question anyway.

Zero, sensing that Mayu was letting him remain in control, handled the explanation. Mayu figured now these two, whoever they really were, because there was no way they were insurance agents, no way, would find out about Zero. Of course, given they knew her dad… Maybe they knew Zero when he was with her dad.

“Come on, you two. Has it really been so long you don’t remember me?” Zero smirks, to which he is met with a confused look from Moa, and a continue of Zena’s ever impassive deadpan. Did that man even know how to emote?

“I don’t think they’re recognizing who you are, Zero.” Mayu comments. Off to the side, she notices, Noa has an unusual look on her face. A mix of concern and just the slightest bit of fear. She’s regarding the baby Birdon in a worried way.

“If this is a baby,” Noa says, catching everyone’s attention, “Then does that mean it’s parent or parents is somewhere nearby?”

Moa had a look on her face that told Mayu she hadn’t considered that. Judging by the sound Zero made, he also hadn’t considered that. Noa had a point, if this was the baby, then did that mean that there was an adult version nearby? If so, what would they do? If an adult Birdon was normally aggressive, it was terrifying to imagine what an adult Birdon looking for it’s child would be like.

They soon got their answer in the form of a loud, near ear bleeding squawk, the sort of thing that Mayu thought she’d only hear when watching a monster movie. Something in Mayu’s heart sunk, as she could easily figure out what was going on. That was the adult Birdon, most likely looking for the baby.

“What was that?” Noa asked, panic lacing her voice as she squeezed the baby Birdon a little tighter. The baby seemed to coo, whether in response to Noa squeezing it or to it’s probably parent was unclear. Mayu shoves her glasses back onto her face, as Zero let her have control once more. It seemed he noticed her epiphany too.

“That,” Mayu responds, trying to keep her voice as even and as calm as possible, “Is the parent.”

Moa pulls the baby from Noa’s arms, “You two need to get to safety,” she said, “Zena and I will deal with the baby.” Moa turned around, beginning to leave as Zena followed in suit.

Noa took a second to process what had happened, before yelling, “I thought you two were ordinary insurance agents?” There was a smug tone to her voice as their suspicions about the two were all but confirmed.

“Don’t worry about it, just get out of here!” Soon the two disappeared, having ran off. Mayu supposed with those two having the baby, her and Noa wouldn’t be in immediate trouble, but… something didn’t seem right. Overhead, a giant version of the bird flew, covering the sky and plunging the area they were in into darkness. Not too far away, it lands, causing the ground to shake and screams to ring out.

Zero pulls her glasses from her face, turning to Noa. “You need to get to safety.”

“What?” Noa yells, “What are you going to do?”

Zero shoots her a confident, if not slightly cheeky, grin, “I’m Ultraman Zero,” He says, “I’m going to do what I do best.”

“Which is…?” Mayu hesitantly asked, despite the fact that she was pretty sure she knew what the answer was. Though she supposed she knew that it’d was bound to happen eventually. That didn’t change the great apprehension she was feeling.

“What is it you do best, exactly?” Noa asked, echoing Mayu’s thought.

“I’ll show you,” With that said, Zero pulls out a strange device of sorts. It resembled a mask, or glasses, something like that, with a button on one of the top corners. Truthfully, Mayu thought it resembled the area around Zero’s eyes, though it was hard to tell since the one time she’d seen him recently was from a very low angle.

“What- what is that?”

“This is the Ultra Zero Eye Neo,” Zero responds, holding the mask thing, the Ultra Zero Eye Neo, up to their face.

“Uh, what does it do?” Honestly, Mayu wasn’t entirely sure she even wanted to know the answer to that.

“You’ll see,” There’s a disturbing sort of glee in his voice.

“What are you two doing?” Noa asked, clearly worried. All Mayu knew was that she probably wasn’t going to have a good time with this.

Zero clicks the button on the Zero Eye. What followed is what Mayu found she could only describe as something akin to a magical girl transformation. In that moment, it felt as though Zero and her stood in a sort of nebulous void. Energy seemed to flow from the Zero Eye, wrapping around them as the world as Mayu knew it blurred.

Then, she was viewing the world from up high, tall above most, if not all of the buildings. Zero was still in control, but something didn’t feel right, other than being so high up. It was then she realized, this wasn’t her body, it was Zero’s. Her and Zero felt like one and the same, but also different.

Zero stands with confidence, declaring to the city, “I am Zero,” Mayu struggled to fully comprehend just what was going on. Hadn’t Zero said something about needing her to be big, since he was hurt. Frankly, she was surprised that he could fight at all… “Ultraman -Ack!” She took that back. Zero falls to a knee, his hand resting on his other leg.

“Are you okay?” Mayu tries to clear the panic from her voice, but she was honestly very concerned. Zero had said he was hurt, clearly he hadn’t fully recovered from the day before. Not surprising, but still. If he was going to fight this monster, it might be hard…

“Ah,” Zero grunts, “I’ll be fine. I’ll just have to work through the pain.”

“Right…” Mayu didn’t think that was a very good way to go about things, but she supposed if it worked for him…

Birdon lets out a squawk, furious and worried. Clearly, they just wanted their child, but at the same time, they posed a threat to everyone in this part of the city, if not more. From their side, on a rooftop, Moa calls out to them.

“Zero!”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got this!” Zero yells, while Mayu tries to put the puzzle pieces together. Zero most certainly knew Moa and Zena, but from when and how? Was it through her dad? Or was her dad knowing them a byproduct of Zero? So many questions, but she supposed now wasn’t really the time for them.

Mayu’s brought out of her thoughts by Birdon delivering a swift punch - or as much of a punch as a winged bird could - to Zero, and by proxy her, stomach. Mayu was not expecting pain. So apparently, when they’re like this, at least, she can feel the same pain Zero feels, as long as it’s pain inflicted when she was hosting him. That would explain why she didn’t feel pain from his injury from yesterday, but felt that punch.

“I thought this was what you did best?” Mayu retorts, slight irritation in her voice. No matter what, she didn’t sign up for this.

“It is.” Zero insists, though Mayu wonders how true that statement it, “I just have the injury from yesterday dragging me down a bit. That and when I said Birdon’s dangerous, I meant it.”

“Fun,” Mayu finds herself bitterly thinking. Today is turning out to be quite the day. Birdon swings at Zero, who dives out of the way, rolling and bringing himself back to his feet. Zero reaches up to the top of his head, where he pulls the two blade like things off.

“You have daggers on your head?” Mayu dryly asked. Jeez, how anime was this guy going to get. An almost magical girl transformation and head daggers?

“They’re my Zero Sluggers,” He responds, not very entertained by Mayu’s commentary.

If she could shrug, she would have. Instead, she makes a noncommittal noise and says, “They’re effectively daggers, don’t kid yourself.” Somewhere in the back of her head she realizes that if she pretends this is a very weird movie and tries to detach herself from the events currently occurring as much as possible, it’s a lot less terrifying.

Zero seems to almost pointedly ignore her, instead opting to leap at Birdon, slashing it with the Zero Sluggers. From there it continues, Birdon attack and Zero dodging out of the way, or trying in some cases, still taking the hit, much to Mayu’s chagrin. Zero would find an opening and strike with the Zero Sluggers, or land in a kick.

Regardless of how well Zero seemed to be doing, Mayu could tell that wasn’t exactly the case. She could feel how tired Zero was getting, mostly as a result of not being fully recovered. As much as she wanted to trust his capabilities, Mayu still found herself worrying. Part of that was also because she didn’t know what would happen to her if Zero couldn’t win this fight.

Birdon strikes, landing a solid peck with its beak on Zero’s chest, sending him flying into a building. The light on his chest, previously blue, began to beep and flash red, like a low health meter in a video game. Something told Mayu that wasn’t a good thing.

“Zero,” Mayu can’t help the fear that creeps into her voice, “What does that mean?”

Zero lets out a grunt, “That’s my timer, I can only stay like this for three minutes, or until I take certain amount of damage.” Oh, so it was like a health meter. Given that she didn’t think it had been three minutes, Mayu figured that it was probably flashing because of all the hits he’d taken.

“So, bad, is what you’re saying.”

“Yeah, bad.” Zero’s voice is dry, “I hope Riku shows up, that’s the only way we’re going to be able to beat this thing, with the state we’re in.”

“Well,” Mayu says, “I hope Riku shows up soon.”

As if on cue, something - or rather someone- knocked Birdon over, punching and clawing at it. Mayu recognized the colors and patterns that adorned his skin, dark and light grey stripes that ran across red. That was Ultraman Geed, she knew, that was Riku, as Zero had said.

Riku dodged Birdon’s next attack, coming to stand next to Zero. With a grunt, Zero pulls himself up, commenting, “It took you long enough, Geed.”

Riku rubs the back of his head, “I wasn’t sure it was you… but it really is.” There’s a curious tone in his voice, “What are you doing here, though?”

“Not right now,” Zero groaned, doing the equivalent of gritting his teeth in pain. “Let’s deal with Birdon. You’ll have to pull a lot of the weight, I’m not in amazing condition right now.”

“Right,” Riku agrees, slipping into a fighting stance, Zero following, with much struggle and pain. Mayu hadn’t realized just how much damage Zero had taken. Something told her she wasn’t making it out of here without at least some bruises. She just hoped they wouldn’t be horribly obvious.

Soon enough, between Riku and Zero, the two managed to weaken the monster, but they were still struggling to defeat it. Riku was about to change to one of his stronger forms when they hear a voice yell at them, trying to get their attention. Turning their heads to look, standing on the roof of a building, next to Zena and Moa, who still held the baby Birdon, was Noa.

“Wait!” Noa cried, “Wait a minute you two!”

“What are you doing here?” Moa asked, facing Noa with concern evident. “It’s not safe.”

“The baby,” Noa says, yanking the Birdon chick out of Moa’s arms, presenting it to Riku and Zero, “Clearly this kaiju, Birdon, wants their baby back!”

“Baby?” Riku asks, “Oh geez…”

“What? How are we supposed to give this thing the baby? It’s so small…” Zero comments. Mayu couldn’t deny that Noa had a point, it was very likely that Birdon just wanted it’s child to be safe. Looking at it, even now, Birdon seemed to stall when they saw Noa holding their baby. Then it charged, heading towards both the two Ultra’s and the three on the roof.

Without much thought, Mayu yells, “Noa! Give me the baby!” It was strange, hearing her words, but it Zero’s voice. She could tell Zero was still reeling from her taking control of his body. Mayu reaches their hand down to Noa, who placed the baby Birdon into their hand.

There was a strange feeling, very weird, Mayu would later decide, as it felt very… warm. Bright and powerful and… well, she supposed it felt quite a bit like when Zero saved her the day before. But different. Stronger, more intense. Almost like it was closer. Mayu also felt a strange sort of confidence, like she was totally capable of doing whatever had to be done now. She could do this. She could do anything if she had to, as long as she wasn’t trying to do it alone. Yes, that was it. That must have been it, in a way.

Mayu spins around, cupping the baby in their hands to keep it safe. Now facing Birdon, Mayu, out of habit really, let’s out the closest thing to a deep breath she can manage in Zero’s body. She holds out their hands, opening them so Birdon could see their baby. Birdon slows, then nearly skids to a halt, seeing their baby in Mayu’s hands.

Birdon examines Mayu, and the chick in their hands. In the calmest tone she could, Mayu tells Birdon, “Your baby, they’re okay. Take them, and leave everyone in this city be.” Birdon gives something of a nod, flapping their wings and taking to the sky. With their claws, they pick up the baby, slightly scratching the palms of Mayu’s - of Zero’s- hands. Then Birdon flys off, disappearing, baby in claw, into the sunset, as Mayu let Zero retake control.

Riku was silent for a moment, “What- what just happened?”

As the beeping of the timer on Zero’s chest continued, Zero simply looked to the roof where Zena, Moa, and Noa stood. He began to disappear into light, prompting Riku to follow in suit.

“Mayu?” Moa asks in shock when she sees who Zero became. Mayu examined herself for a moment, noting that while she was extremely sore, she didn’t seem to have any super noticeable bruises. Until she gently felt her forehead. Ouch, okay, one noticeable bruise, that’s fine. She could come up with a way to explain that.

“Mayu?” Riku parrots, “Like Leito’s daughter?”

Mayu slips her glasses back on before nodding, “Yeah,” She then gave an abridged explanation of the day before. She made sure to add in the details Zero had given about why he was there. The alien summoning monsters.

“So,” Moa began, “Does Leito know about Zero?” Mayu… really didn’t want to lie, honestly. But today and yesterday had been quite the day, and she didn’t want to try to convince people not to tell her parents. If there would be more days like today, then she didn’t want them to worry. Of course, given today, if her parents didn’t know Zero here before, they certainly would know now.

She bites her lip, finding Zero awfully, unnervingly quiet. “Uh… No… Not yet. I, uh, haven’t really had a chance to tell them.” It was the truth, mostly. Except for that bit at the end about not having a chance to tell her parents, but other than that. It was the truth, more or less.

“Well,” Riku grins, “I guess we’re going to be seeing more of each other, huh?”

“Well, uh… I guess…”

Then Noa groans, “Oh come on, this is who we were looking for?” She runs a hand through her hair. “All that work, but all it ended up taking was a freaking kaiju.”

Riku laughs, “Sorry, I didn’t think anyone would be looking for me,”

“Yeah, no, it’s fine,” Mayu responds, laughing a little herself. Then she looks at Moa and Zena, those two were still… strange.

“So,” Noa began, “Are we still supposed to believe that the two of you are insurance agents? Because I’m really not buying it.”

“Uh, well,” Moa says, then looks to Zena. Then Zena begins to explain, his lips still never moving. That he and Moa were a part of the AIB a group that dealt with aliens, to put it shortly. That often meant they also had to deal with kaijus and the like. It at least explained how they knew Mayu’s dad. And why Zena could speak without moving his mouth and showed no emotion. He was an alien, with Moa being the only human member of the AIB.

“Crazy,” Noa says, shoving her hands in the pockets of her jacket. “But believable.”

Mayu then realizes that the sun was setting, which meant it was getting late. She pulls her phone out to check the time, which confirmed what she thought. “Uh, sorry to cut this short, but we should be getting home.”

Noa pulled her phone out to check the time herself, frowning when she realized, “Yeah, maybe talk more tomorrow, after school?”

Riku nods with a smile, “Yeah, come to the observatory, we can all meet up and talk about what to do. Maybe invite your dad?”

“Dad’s busy tomorrow, but we’ll come.” Mayu smiles in agreement, then waves them goodbye.

When she returns home, she goes through the remaining motions of the day. Dinner, explain the bruise on her forehead - wasn’t paying attention and accidentally walked into a sign in the mall. All things considered, she found she was able to forget the craziness of the past two days. But as she was in her room, preparing for bed, Zero spoke up.

“How did you do that?” He asked.

Mayu frowned slightly, unsure of why he was curious, “Brush my teeth?” She asked quietly, confused.

“No, not that.” Zero continued, “Earlier, when I was fighting Birdon. You took control to give Birdon their baby. But how? How did you take control of my body?”

That caused Mayu to frown quite a bit, she sat at the her stool in front of her vanity. Zero sounded so shocked. “What? Has that never happened before?”

“No,” Zero insists, and Mayu could almost see him behind her as he spoke, “None of my hosts ever took control of my body before.” In Mayu’s vision of him, Zero was gesturing somewhat wildly, to match the nearly crazed tone of his voice.

“Why not?” Mayu asks, trying to think about why no one had ever taken control of Zero, when he could take control of them. She even said as much to Zero.

“Well, uh, let’s see…” Zero began, “Ran was unconscious the entire time, Taiga didn’t really want my power, only really accepting it at the very end… and Leito and I worked together, more than anything else.” Mayu began to think Zero was just talking to himself at this point, though it allowed her to learn more about Zero.

She didn’t know who these Ran and Taiga people were, but by the sound of it, Zero had a heck of a time choosing hosts before her dad. Still, she listened intently to everything Zero said, as he vocalized his thought process about all the differences between his previous three hosts and her.

“Well, I don’t know much about all of this,” Mayu says, gesturing with her hands to imply all the new things that had come within the past two days, “I just know that I really, really, wanted it all over with and figured getting the baby to it’s parent was the quickest way to do it.”

“I… I think I get what you mean.” He said, though his voice didn’t sound as sure as his words might have implied. “I’m going to think on it. Anyway, good work today, you managed to get Birdon to leave.”

“Thank Noa,” Mayu knew she wouldn’t have been able to give Birdon their baby if it weren’t for Noa, “She was the one who pointed out Birdon just wanted their baby.”

“Yeah, I guess you’ve got a pretty good friend huh?”

“Of course, why do you think I tried to help her yesterday?” She recalled the events of the day before, which now felt a very long time ago. She’d been so worried for Noa, she’d thought little of her own safety. She realized then, that if it hadn’t been for Zero, she would have died. Then Noa could have died too. “Thank you, Zero,”

“Huh?” Zero asked, “For what?”

“For saving me, yesterday, and if not also saving Noa, then for at the very least helping her.”

Mayu stands, moving to her bed. She gets in and turns the lamp by her bed off, “I hope you and I can be good friends too.”

Mayu isn’t entirely sure if Zero responded, but she could have sworn she heard something that sounded like, “Me too”.

#ultraman #ultraman zero #ultraman geed #igaguri mayu #like father like daughter #okabe noa #original character #aizaki moa #zena #my writing

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gem-rewatch · 5 years

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SU rewatch- S1E7- Bubble Buddies

Our first Connie episode!! I was super excited to get to this one, mainly because Connie is one of my favorite characters in this show.

Her growth as an individual throughout the seasons is so, so good- and despite becoming an integral part of Steven’s busy chaotic life she never comes across as “just the love interest” or “entire life revolves around Steven” like female characters tend to do in plenty of other shows. This show- despite being told exclusively through Steven’s POV- still respects the fact that Connie has her own life separate from him and Gem stuff, giving glimpses into her relationship with her parents, her school life, and giving her plenty of hobbies, likes, and dislikes. I really appreciate that.

Okay, so first off I wanna talk about Steven and the glow stick. So, he saw this cute girl watching the parade drop her glow bracelet, and saves it in the freezer just in case he ever sees her again right? And it was a big Beach City boardwalk parade, likely with lots of tourists there watching, so there’s no guarantee that he’d ever see her again. Even with this, he still holds out a spark of hope that he’d be able to give it back. Which, is just who Steven is- he’s a hoper and a dreamer.

And like the world’s best miracle, there she is. Right there. Sitting on the beach close to his house, reading a book.

(As an added note, Connie ran out to on obscure corner of the beach away from the boardwalk to go read a book in peace. She probably wanted to get away from her overbearing, overprotective parents for a bit to relax.)

Oh my- oh my lord, it looks like he’s doing the Bigfoot pose. I desperately hope this was intentional.

But Steven. Steeeeven. Honey. Are you really gonna have your first line be a tacky pick-up line??

Steven: “It’s a smooth ride.” (after absolutely digging his wheels through the sand. GAWD.)

Honestly it’s probably good that Connie’s first impression of Steven was him being a complete doofus like this rather than his bad attempts at flirting like a leather studded biker.

But gawddd even on first watch it’s made explicitly clear that this is someone Steven’s seen from a distance before and wants to get to know. This poor kid just doesn’t know how to... actually do it.

Steven: “It’ll mess up my funky flow!”

He doesn’t seem to need any so-called ‘funky flow’ talking to anyone else in town- in fact, he’s about as extroverted as they come. This kid would willingly converse with almost anyone. Almost. His awkwardness about this one person drives home the reality that Steven probably thinks she’s cute and doesn’t know how to deal with that sort of crush stuff yet. Because let’s be real- with anyone else, this wouldn’t be a problem. He’d just bound up to them in all his enthusiasm as if they were already friends.

Garnet: "We won’t watch.”

She says, as she adjusts her glasses.

She already can sense what’s going to happen anyways, she doesn’t need to watch. XD

He’s already eaten through the cookie cats, and he grabs the same little glow stick that’s been seen in the freezer in episode one. A nice continuity detail.

(Although I do wonder how much time has passed between Gem Glow and now.)

Steven: *testing out different vocal inflections* “Hi! My name is Steven. Hi! My name is Steven...”

Having to script out introductions to ease one’s nerves about talking to someone new is literally so relatable. The story of my life. It’s reassuring to see a traditionally extraverted character do this too.

Ah yes, the protective bubble overprotective Pearl’s always dreamed of enveloping Steven in. Thank god he can now summon one himself.

Assuming nothing else happened off screen, this is the third weird gem thing Steven’s ever been able to do in his life- after summoning his shield once and attempting to shapeshift. Thank god it’s a helpful one this time.

Connie: “What... happened?” *Steven pauses for a short moment, considering.* Steven, casually: “I’m magic!”

Now, for Steven... Beach City has been his whole life. Here, the handful of locals have lived alongside Gem weirdness for long enough that they accept it without question by this point, with a sorta “it might as well happen” attitude. Because of this, I get the sense that he’s never actually had to explain anything before.

And so, as awkward as they come, he info dumps.

Steven: “Well, half-magic. [...] I’m a member of the Crystal Gems, we fight monsters and protect humanity and stuff-”

Connie, bless her heart, just sorta shrugs and goes “okay” to all of this. But hey, there’s no reason to deny the existence of magic when it’s all around you!

All of THIS scene is gold:

Steven: “That’s Lars. We’re basically BFFs.”

Lars: *making fun of the kid by slathering his tongue against the bubble’s surface like an utter loon, who as a result actually appears less grounded than Steven at the moment*

This is not the only time Steven tries to get his point across by playing pictionary and drawing an over-complex picture that literally no one gets the meaning of. It’s an ongoing habit, apparently.

Nice cameo of Obsidian’s sword! Makes you wonder how it got all the way out here. Also, is this an actual sword that Obsidian forged in their lava mouth, or is it a fake sword made exclusively to be a part of the fusion temple (before it was crumbled a bit)?

Connie: “Now we’re going to suffocate or starve at the bottom of the ocean, and only my parents will notice, because no one else cares about me! I’m gonna disappear without ever making a single friend!”

This scene makes me genuinely hurt. Connie is so lonely that one of her biggest fears/regrets at this point is dying without anyone caring what happened to her.

What we know about her and her parents tells me that they’re just... so sheltering that she’s had barely had time to socialize with anyone. It’s left her timid, so anxious about meeting new people that it literally took Steven knocking right into her to save her life to get her to say hello. All she wants is one good friend, someone who will stick around, someone who will remember her-

And then comes along Steven. A boy who saw her drop a glow stick, and cared enough to save it in case he ever saw her again. A boy who remembered her, who wants to know her.

...a boy who’s. Apparently getting down on one knee to ‘propose’ friendship to her. XD

Hey, whatdya know? I guess diamonds really are a girl’s best friend.

Jokes aside, this is such a sweet moment-

Steven: “We could be friends!”

It’s exactly what Connie needed to hear, and it’s exactly what he always wanted- to get to know the girl from the boardwalk parade more.

As a final note, Steven blushes so hard when Pearl and Amethyst are gently teasing him about Connie. Honestly I think the fact that Steven has a canonical crush on Connie is about as blatant as they can make it from episode one.

That being said, most of all he just wants to be a friend. I’m thankful I’ve never sensed any sort of “possessive, jealousy” behavior from him when it comes to Connie which automatically sets Steven Universe as a show apart from like, pretty much every other kid’s show with a crush between guy and girl best friends. (I’m lookin’ at you, Star vs. the Forces of Evil.)

They’re friends first, and he respects that- and thus I respect him.

#su #su meta #steven universe #connie maheswaran #conniverse #bubble buddies #jen rewatches su

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nate-santos · 4 years

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Am I Alive? || Nate & Remmy

Nate didn’t often let people into his life. The few friends he had were the result of long and tiresome interactions as they slowly infiltrated his careful barriers. His own assistant had never been to his house and never knew where he was from. But something about Remmy felt...familiar. They’d both been through hell, though Nate would never pretend to know what war was like. They seemed like kindred spirits, and Nate wondered if he might actually have found someone who could compliment his neuroticism. Plus he knew better than most how hard it was to acclimate after a traumatic event and he wanted to help any way he could. So he donned his puffiest coat – offering more cushion should something happen. He also made sure to grab his sturdiest umbrella, one that he’d reinforced should any fish come flying down at him. The medical examiner had said four people had died so far, and Nate was not gonna be the fifth. After carefully making his way to Coffee Plus, he set up his little area and ordered a latte, waiting patiently with his hands cupped around his mug for his potential employee to arrive.

The offer for another job was extremely enticing, but Remmy would have to make sure it didn’t pay too much, because they could lose their disability if it did. And then, no more writing off Moose’s food, no more HSA, and no more cheap meds. But Nate seemed like a really nice guy, and he seemed to know how Remmy felt. How hard it was to reintegrate into society after witnessing something that inherently changes you. Inside and out. This time, they made public transport didn’t make them late but catching the bus early. Coffee Plus was the station they’d met Deirdre outside of, and if they didn’t get thrown in front of a car again, then it would already be a better meeting. They’d even tried their best to clean themself up this time. Combed their hair, put on their best jeans-- the only pair with no holes or rips-- and their nice jacket. When they arrived, they had to pause a moment outside, give themself that little pep talk that usually given in front of a bathroom mirror. But Remmy’s room didn’t have a bathroom mirror, despite the landlord saying they were going to replace it two weeks ago. The little bell chimed as Remmy pulled the door open and they glanced around. There, in the corner. Right wher eNate had said he would be. He looked almost as nervous as Remmy felt, bundled up in a puffy coat, tucked into a corner, cupping his coffee. They waved as they approached tentatively. “Nate?” they asked. “It’s um-- Remmy. Hi.”

A large grin spread across Nate’s face as Remmy appeared. Thank god they actually showed up. He shifted in his seat and motioned for them to sit. Nervously, his hands fumbled with the pages of one of his old sketchbooks, one that before this morning he hadn’t looked at in years. It made him want to start drawing again, drawing things that weren’t buildings at the very least. He’d have to thank Remmy for reminding him how much he’d loved doing it. “Hey! Nice to meet you!” He held out his hand, careful not to bump into anything. “I’m so glad you came! You want something to drink?” Nate caught his usual barista’s attention and waved her over. “I personally like the lattes, but everything’s really good!”

Remmy noticed the way Nate stayed tucked into himself and close to the table, but didn’t think it was anything they needed to point out or think about. They took his hand, giving it a firm shake. His hand was large and warm and it reminded Remmy of Dario’s hand. They smiled back. “Nice to meet you, too! Finally.” They slid into the booth across from Nate, glancing around. The coffee shop was small, but had that busy, local atmosphere. It was different from any place they’d been in Bangor. “Oh, um, sure! I’ll just have a um...Americano? Thanks!” Looked back over to Nate once the lady took their order. They had their sketchbook tucked under one arm and their eyes fell onto the one Nate had on the table. “Thanks for um-- agreeing to meet me. And-and offering me a job. And...all that other stuff.”

Nate grinned and took a long sip of his coffee. “Really, it’s nothing. I uh, you seem like good people!” He chuckled nervously, trying not to think about how cold their hand was. He drummed his fingers on the top of his sketchbook and fell silent for a moment. It had been years since he’d shown his drawings to anyone when it wasn’t work related, but this...sort of was. “The job is mostly menial, nothing too exciting, but I could definitely use the assistance.” He shrugged, thinking about the kid currently interning for him. Bobby was next to useless, especially when it came to moving samples around the office. “But whether you take the job or not, I’m happy to have met you!” He began to slide his sketchbook over, his knee bouncing at a hypersonic rate. “Plus I never get to trade art with anyone! Not trade trade, but like...look over pieces...share, that sort of thing.”

“You seem like good people, too,” Remmy said back. This was nice. This felt nice. And normal. Pleasant, almost. They eyed his sketchbook, before setting theirs on the table as well, still holding tightly onto it. They’d never actually shown anyone else their stuff. Except some of the other officers at the camp. “Oh, um-- I’m not sure mine are gonna be really good enough to like...compare to yours, I’m sure. But I’m glad I get to see yours! I’ve never exactly….shared this kinda stuff before. Wasn’t exactly um-- encouraged in the troops.” Stop bringing the mood down, Rem. They shook their head. “But, I mean-- I’m good with menial things! And physical labor. Also good at running errands! Whatever you need! If um-- you decide you like me.”

Nate laughed, wringing his hands anxiously in his lap. “Oh, definitely no comparing here! That’s the worst thing artists can do, really. Everyone’s styles and strengths are so different, like…” He reached out and opened his book to a rather choppy looking portrait. “Soft lines, not my thing. But straight edges, flowing concrete, somehow that I can do.” A hand reached up into his hair and began to twirl. “I’m sorry you weren’t uh...encouraged. Art’s….soothing. Even if what you draw isn’t.” Nate had specifically not brought the book he’d kept right when he first found himself in White Crest. All the images in there were charcoal drawings of pure angst, sadness and desperation. These sketches weren’t great, but they at least weren’t morosely depressing. “Well I already think I like you!” Nate grinned, hoping he wasn’t coming on too strong. He hadn’t realized how desperately he’d needed something as normal as coffee and a job interview, even as lax as this was.

“Really?” Remmy asked. They leaned in a little more when Nate opened his book, gazing in with wide eyes. “Wow, that’s so good! You’re really good.” Hands tightening on their own book. “Oh, it-it’s okay. I don’t think I coulda done anything with it, anyway. I guess it just helps...occupy my mind. I don’t mean like..busy work, or whatever, but yeah-- soothing. Like you said, it’s...soothing…” They remembered how the group therapist had encouraged writing or drawing as an outlet. Remmy had taken quite to it. They liked drawing what they saw, copying down detail in an almost hyperfocus manner. “Well, I think I like you, too! You’re really nice and open and...not weird. If that makes sense? Not that weird is bad! I’ve just met a few...really weird people, too.”

Nate nodded, sucking down more of the hot bean juice. “Like I said, anyone can be an artist. Doesn’t matter if you do anything with it. Just so long as it makes you feel good.” He shrugged, his eyes falling to his lap and his cheeks flushing. Nate never could take a compliment. “I cannot promise that weird won’t end up popping up,” he laughed nervously. What was he supposed to say? I’m normal now but wait till I die in some freak accident and come back trying to eat your brains? “But I’m glad I’m not the weirdest person you’ve met here. I mean, I hope.”

“Hey, a little bit of weird isn’t bad. Don’t they say like, normal is boring or whatever?” Remmy grinned. “You’re not, definitely not. I think the woman I met who tried to push me into a car is the weirdest I’ve met so far.” They shrugged it off. Deirdre was a mystery they didn’t really wanna think about right now. The waitress came back with their order and they took it gratefully, taking a long sip. “Um…” they pushed their notebook over towards Nate, a little tentative, a little shy. “I-if you wanna look.” Though they would never admit it, as they weren’t sure of their own talent, their eye for detail gave them the ability to draw from life fairly well. Thin pencil lines, sketchy figures, and some doodles of animals riddled the sketchbook, an unorganized mess, unlike every other aspect of their life. Some drawings layered on top of others, like stacks of photos. They sipped their coffee again.

Nate smiled, a touch of sadness in his eyes. “I respectfully disagree with those people. I’d take normal over weird any day.” Nate’s life was already filled with too much weirdness. “Wait- like she was shoving you into a car or...throwing you in front of one?” Nate’s brow furrowed and he felt oddly protective over this person he just met. “Of course I wanna see!” He reached out, delicately turning the pages of the sketchbook. It was practically exploding with creativity. Lines and shades he’d seen but never really seen, it was so unlike his personal style and so refreshing. You could see real heart. “These are amazing, Remmington. Remmy? Which do you prefer?” He glanced up for only a moment before being sucked back into the book.

“Kinda...both? I’m not really sure. She said she wanted to test something and almost threw me into a taxi. It was fine, obviously, but I got kinda mad at her after that,” Remmy said, as if getting thrown in front of a car was a normal thing. In all honesty, it just didn’t strike them as odd. After all, they’d stuck their hands into a live case of TNT before. Was getting hit by a car really that much different? They felt their chest tingle as Nate delicately flipped through the notebook, suddenly so nervous they couldn’t even drink their coffee, just hold the cup tightly. “What? Really? Y-you think so?” Swallowed. “Oh, um-- either! Either is fine! I don’t mind.” They rolled their bottom lip between their teeth nervously. “I just...like drawing what I see. Nothing special…”

Nate’s mouth dropped open and he had to actively think about closing it so as not to be overly rude. “She- on purpose?? Yeah! I’d be mad too!” Nate nearly had a heart attack just thinking about the ordeal. But he looked back down to the drawings to distract himself. They were really good. Not professional, but that didn’t mean anything to Nate. He actually felt most professional artists were stuck up and rarely creative. “Yeah, Remmy, these are awesome!” He beamed up at them. “I like what you see.” It had been so long since Nate had really stopped to look around, flipping through Remmy’s sketches was like being unafraid to wander through town. It felt free. “You should keep this up. Seriously. Even if it’s just for you.”

Remmy couldn’t help but give a shy smile. “Th-thanks. I, um-- I will. I haven’t had much time lately between all the...stuff, but...I think I’ll try and make time.” They smiled over at Nate, finally relaxed enough again to sip their coffee. “So, um-- do you like, design the buildings and stuff? Or just do more like...blueprints stuff? I’m not-- sorry. I don’t mean to sound like...rude, but I’m not really sure what architects do, like a hundred percent? I’m totally willing to learn though!”

Nate cocked his head to the side. “Like all the getting shoved towards taxis?” He frowned, hoping Remmy wasn’t befriending people that would willingly shove them into oncoming traffic. It wasn’t entirely unheard of in White Crest, especially in the seedier areas. Yet another reason to never leave his house. “Oh, yeah! It really depends on the project, and most of what I get to do around here is restoring some of the town’s older buildings, making sure they’re up to code while maintaining the historical integrity of the design.” He smiled softly, taking another sip of coffee. “But every once in a while someone wants to build an entirely new house or business, then I get to flex my creative chops.” He sighed dramatically. “Those fun projects don’t tend to come around as often, though, so sometimes I just teach a class at the college.”

“Yeah,” Remmy sighed, “like that.” They still hadn’t parsed out Deirdre’s actual intention with doing that. Was it to see if Remmy would move? If they would let her? If they would get scare and run away? It still baffled them, but she hadn’t been eager to talk after that, so the answer would likely never come. So Remmy would concentrate on the here and now. “Wow, that’s so cool! I had no idea that’s what architects actually did...do you go to the houses and like actually help build stuff? Or do you just do more of the like...drawing and planning stuff?” They couldn’t help but be excited by all this. They’d always loved learning new things, even if public schooling had made them feel inadequate. “And you get to teach at the University?? That’s SO cool!”

Nate frowned, already feeling the twinge of protectiveness over this person he’d literally just met. Remmy had already been through so much, they needed a soft place to land, not a place where people literally threw them into oncoming traffic. But he would drop it- for now. Not like he was in any position to go hunting down this person, and to do what, exactly? Yell at them? Punch them? Neither of those things were in Nate’s wheelhouse. “I don’t do too much building, but I do get to visit the sites sometimes to help oversee everything! A lot of what I do is actually project management and organizing the construction crews, but I’ve gotten to know most of the crews around here pretty well, so they send me progress photos and stuff. It’s really cool to see an idea you have come to life right before your eyes.” Nate paused, smiling sheepishly to himself. “It’s really not that cool, most people find it kinda boring. But I love it.”

“Oh, I think that sounds amazing!” Remmy blurted, without thinking much. They reigned themself back in sheepishly. “Sorry. I just-- I don’t think it sounds boring at all! I think that sounds amazing. Getting to do something that actually changes the world around you...even if it’s just a building. And seeing it in progress? That’s just…” they trailed off a bit. “That’s incredible.” They took another long sip of the coffee, realizing it didn’t much taste like anything. It didn’t fill any sort of need inside of them. Not like it used to. “It sounds kinda lame but...when I was younger, I think I always wanted to do something that could, like, change things for the better. I guess that’s why I thought going into the military might...you know. Be like that.”

Nate’s eyes lit up. He so rarely spoke to anyone, let alone about his work, it was refreshing to be able to gush about it to someone who thought it was as interesting as he did. Well, maybe not as much, but at least Remmy was feigning interest! “I’m glad you think it’s interesting! I could definitely tell you more about it, and I mean, if you come help out, you’d get to see a lot of it first hand, too.” Nate knew exactly what they meant. It was the reason so many of his high school peers had enlisted, not knowing what else to do but needing and wanting to do something. He smiled softly, feeling his body loosen a bit from the tense ball it had been in. “I’m Sorry. If it wasn’t, I mean. Like that. Doing something for the better. Or that’s presumptuous- was it?” And he tensed right back up again as he stuck his foot in his mouth.

“Oh, yes! That would be great!” Remmy said excitedly. They had no idea someone would think they were just pretending, because Remmy didn’t have it in them to lie or pretend. “I’d love to learn all that stuff! Even if I’m no good at it, I think it’d be cool to know!” They sipped the coffee again, their legs twitching excitedly. Remmy had never been this excited before. Was this was it meant to find something they loved? “Oh, um-- I think it was, a little. I don’t um-- it’s hard to explain. I think there’s better ways to change things, but...it felt like my only option. I wasn’t the smartest or funniest or strongest. So...that was pretty much it.” They shrugged. “But, I mean-- as far as job offers go, I um-- think I’d be happy to come work for you. I-if you’re still looking.”

Nate sometimes felt like he was looking in a mirror when he talked to Remmy. They’d only known each other a short while, but he felt like he understood them in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time. Sure, some of that might be how excited they were about architecture, but it was something more than that, too. Nate remembered what it felt like to be so lost, heck he was still unbearably lost. But when he did what he loved, it wasn’t quite so unbearable. It was part of the reason he hadn’t tried to just end things. Seeing Remmy light up like this, it ignited something in Nate too. “I would be more than happy to have you join the team, Remmy.” He grinned, holding out his hand more confidently than before. “Welcome to the family.”

Remmy couldn’t remember the last time they’d been this excited. They couldn’t remember the last time they’d felt this hopeful. Sure, it was just an assistant job, helping out around Nate’s firm, but it was more than anything they could’ve hoped for in coming to White Crest. Being a security guard was easy and it paid the bills, but it wasn’t exactly the most riveting job. After being in the field for so long, Remmy had found life wasn’t exciting anymore. Remmy took Nate’s hand eagerly. “Thanks, Nate. Really, thank you so much.”

@whatsin-yourhead

#remmy1

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