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enfant-du-fleurs · 2 years

Text

on the horns of a dilemma part 1 // Jake Kiszka x Female Reader

WARNINGS: angst, strong language, cheating, mention of alcohol and other substances.

NOTE: Hi! Well, as you all can see, this is my first fanfiction EVER, so maybe this could be very shitty, but I put all my blood, sweat and tears on this, and I’m not joking with putting my tears on this because I was crying meanwhile I was writing this, so… enjoy it. Also, english is not my first language but if I write my fanfics in my language... nobody is going to read it, so pardon me if there is a mistake c: There is A LOT of songs references.

Words: +11,000

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x Female Reader

SUMMARY: Jake is one of your closest friends since you were on middle school, they have grown up together, but you always had a crush on him, you never considered yourself attractive enough to be with him. Now, Jake is getting married and you're realizing that maybe if you had been a little braver a while ago, things would be very different. Everyone is tangled up on the horns of a dilemma.

PLAYLIST

SEE YOU SOON – BEABADOOBEE

I WILL - MITSKI

MOON SONG – PHOEBE BRIDGERS

ANNA (GO TO HIM) – THE BEATLES

THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL (COVER)– CARLA BRUNI

KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU (COVER) – ANGIE MCMAHON

CRY – CIGARRETTES AFTER SEX

BACK TO THE OLD HOUSE – THE SMITHS

TAKE CARE – BEACH HOUSE

I'D HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT - LEITH ROSS

WIFE – MITSKI

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Y/N’s POV:

Dear Diary,

Here I am after about... 13 years, maybe? Maybe more. I'm an adult now and I feel stupid to write here again, but maybe that's what I need, because if I tell this to someone in my circle of friends, they will surely see me as the most horrible and dumbest person in the world, although maybe I am.

As I had already written a long time ago, I've always loved Jake, perhaps when I met him, I only appreciated him as a good friend, but over time, Jake inevitably won my heart. When I was about 15 years old, I was finally able to accept that I liked Jake, but I didn't want to say or do anything about it, I didn't want to damage our friendship because it was one of the most important things to me after growing up a bit alone in such a small town. I just didn't want to lose him.

In addition to the fact that I never consider myself pretty enough for him to like me, because… he was always a very handsome boy, he got along with everyone and had many girls behind him, but the best of all is the way he treats everyone, always friendly, looking into your eyes, paying attention to every word and movement, these details made many people (like me) fall at their feet. Their girlfriends were gorgeous and I... I was just like the song; I was a teenage dirtbag compared to all of them.

I saw him fall in love many times, I listened to him every time he told me about some girl he liked, as well as every time his heart was broken even though mine was five times more broken, but I always had a piece of advice to tell him. There was a time when Jake would ask me a lot if I liked someone, but I always told him that no one in particular, always tried to change the subject of the conversation by making the worst jokes that could exist. He also saw me have some "romantic" approaches with other people, but nothing serious, in fact, I've always tried not to tell him if I liked someone, because I could never fall in love in the full sense of the word with someone other than him.

One time, when we were... roughly 16 or 17 years old, we were at an "underground" party with Josh (it was our first party of many) where we ended up terribly drunk. I still don't understand how the police never arrested us for possession of alcohol. Well... that's not the point, the important thing here is that on that day, precisely on that day, on a random May 16, he gave me a long, passionate kiss out of nowhere, he took my face in his hands, walked over without warning, and just kissed me. Why did he kiss me? He did it because he was... drunk, as far as I know, that’s why he did it, not because he had feelings for me, even Josh was shocked by that, but I remember being petrified processing what the hell was going on. The next day I had asked Jake if he remembered what had happened at the party, but he was sure he didn't. The answer was clear, he was never attracted to me.

Just as I watched Jake grow up and he watched me grow up, I also saw how his dreams were coming true, he was finally living his best life, he had the band of his dreams along with his friend and brothers. What more could he ask for? I was happy for him, genuinely happy to see him on stage shining with his family because yes, Danny was his brother too. I attended almost all the concerts of the band and I was moved in the same way because it filled me with pride to see him at school events, then in bars to huge venues, it's something indescribable and priceless.

Now... why did I do a little recap? the problem (well, at least for me it is a problem) is that obviously a lot of time has passed and although I repeatedly had the opportunity to tell Jake how I feel, but I just never had the guts to tell him and the big problem with this is that... he is going to get married in a couple of months, he hasn't told me personally yet, in fact I found out through Josh a couple of hours ago, I don't know why Jake hasn't told me yet and I'd rather not know, but anyway tomorrow we'll go to a cafe to have breakfast, well… we are no longer young enough to spend a whole night glued to the bar, we can’t resist the same amount of alcohol in contrast to everything we used to drink when we were younger, although it’s not like we are extremely old now, but… is not the same as it was.

He has been with his girlfriend for a long time, I know her, she’s an angel, a very nice person and... I understand why Jake loves her so much, she is intelligent, nice, beautiful and is the type of person that makes you feel calm. As much as I want to, I can't hate her. I never saw her as competition because that idea seems absurd to me, besides there is no point of comparison, Jake is the Sun, she is the Moon and I am not even a star, they complement each other quite well.

______________________________________________________________

The next day, you went to the usual cafe in downtown Nashville, you were a little late and worried about leaving Jake waiting for so long, but when you entered the cafe, you didn't see him at first glance, which crushed your heart, but after looking closely, at the most hidden table, you identified his back. Despite the years, he kept his long hair, that day his hair was slicked back, and he was wearing his white cropped shirt. The years still didn't pass through his face. By this time, Jake had already removed his mustache, so he looked like he was back in his early 20s.

You gave him a little pat on the shoulder and proceeded to sit in front of him; seeing you, he greeted you with a friendly smile.

“Forgive me for being so late, I hope you didn't have to wait so long” you said while you noticed a peculiar shine in his eyes.

“Bah, don’t worry, If you took a hundred years to arrive, I would stay waiting for you all those hundred years” His answer made you feel a slight tingling in your stomach just like when you were a teenager “You are my best friend, I would wait for you as long as it was and especially because I have something magnificent to tell you” continued breaking all the charm, again -the best friend-.

“Oh yeah, well, go ahead” you said with a low-key forced smile.

“Okay, but first… let's eat something, I already ordered some pancakes, you just need to order something”

The waitress came over so you could order your breakfast; since your stomach hurt from being nervous, you only ordered a small sandwich and chamomile tea. As you and Jake ate, you kept glancing at him to see if he noticed you were looking at him and tell you why you were having breakfast together, you knew very well that it was to tell you about his wedding, you wanted to hear it come out of his mouth, but at the same time... you also wanted him not to say it and instead of inviting you to his wedding, you wanted him to tell you that his relationship with his partner had finished and then escape together from the cafeteria riding a horse with a golden mane, although you knew perfectly well that it was something very far from reality since he was apparently madly in love with his future wife. Even though you loved him, you felt bad for even imagining in the silliest way that he might change his mind about the wedding.

Jake lost his gaze in your tea to take a deep breath.

"Remember when... we said we hated Tears in Heaven?" he asked you meanwhile a giggle came out from his mouth.

Your eyes widened like two blooming flowers upon hearing his question and you answered serenely accompanied by a goofy smile "Of course I remember. And to think that Eric Clapton has praised you many times, only if he knew."

"It's that we had heard it so many times until we hated it."

“Yeah... but it's sad that baby died.” you took a sip of your tea taking away your gaze from him.

There was a moment of silence again, but Jake broke it with a sigh, "We've grown up together and we've come so far. Who knew we'd do so well in life? You as a journalist and me as a musician, everything is amazing, looking back at the things we've accomplished and now that we're in our early thirties...time goes by so fast."

"It's been a long time... now we're two adults who are doing... well, you're doing great."

"You're doing amazing too, you're one of the most recognized journalists in America."

You blushed letting out a shy smile that gradually faded "Well yes... but, I don't know, lately I haven't been feeling all that well emotionally. Sometimes I want to forget everything."

Jake frowned at your last words "Why? Is there something you want to talk about?" he leaned towards you and was looking for your gaze even though he sensed that you didn't want to look him in the eye.

"It's just... I don't even know why I feel like this" you lied "I think now I'm regretting not having done many things when I had the opportunity to do it" your gaze was lost to avoid eye contact, but Jake’s gaze was so piercing that it was hard not to see his eyes “But I don't want to ruin our breakfast so...”

"If you need to tell me something, I'll always be there for you, it doesn't matter if it's something silly for you, I'll always listen to you" he rubbed his thumb against the back of your cold hand, although you wanted to have physical contact with him, you slowly removed your hand. He was a little disappointed that you took your hand away from him, but on one hand he understood and continued "Well, we better change the subject of the conversation, don't you think?" you nodded and he continued "So... I told you to come here to tell you something extremely" this was where you realized that he was going to tell you what you already knew when you saw how his eyes lit up and his cheeks were pink; he looked genuinely happy "I haven't told you because like I told you…I can't process it but…I'm getting married!"

You feigned astonishment as you took another sip of your tea, but your heart was being crushed. As you set the cup down on the table, you looked up to meet Jake's eyes with a smile that hid pain. "Oh, Jakey. That's great! When is the wedding?"

"I knew you would be happy!" he took a sip of his tea "It will be May 16, but it won't be here, it will be in Scotland. Of course, you are invited, in fact, I would like you to help me a little with the organization"

When you heard the wedding date, you felt an emptiness in your chest and your eyes quickly began to fill with tears. The desire to cry betrayed you and began to fall from your eyes.

“Oh my god, Y/N! Are you okay?” he asked tenderly.

"Yes, yes, of course I am, I'm just... I'm very happy for you and I'm crying with happiness. That's it" once again you lied and tried to wipe away your tears.

Jake showed his perfect smile again that could collide the whole town "You had scared me for a moment" he giggled "But it makes me happy that you are happy and especially for accompanying me in important moments."

You couldn't feel bad about him, you couldn't hate him, or his fiancée, but you did hate the fact that things could be different.

While Jake was eating his breakfast calmly, you hurried to finish yours, you didn't want to be there with him anymore because you were going to keep crying and that was going to worry him.

Once you finished your sandwich and your tea you said "Well... my good old FRIEND" you made a clear emphasis on the word friend "I have to go because I have to prepare for an interview with... Tom Hiddleston, so that... I am very happy to see you and see that you are well and especially that you are getting married. As for your proposal to help you with the organization, I will have to check it and as soon as I know if I am not so busy, I will tell you" you asked for the bill of what you ate and as fast as you could... you left the cafe, not even Jake could tell you "goodbye" and on the one hand, that's how you wanted it to be because you didn't want to hear a "goodbye" from him. Also, about the interview with Tom Hiddleston, it was also fake but not impossible and you wanted to make him a little bit jealous since he knew how much you liked Tom Hiddleston when you were younger. Jake noticed that something wasn't right when he saw that later you didn't react the way he wanted, but far from feeling angry, he was very worried about you. He was hurt to see how gradually your behavior from "crying for happiness" changed to literally running away from there.

Once outside, you ran to your car and headed home. You didn't want to know anything about anyone. It was all so overwhelming it just made you want to kick Nashville to hell, be quiet and drive away.

_____________________________________________________________

Y/N’s POV:

Dear Diary.

It’s me Y/N again being ridiculous and childish as always.

I went to breakfast with Jake to give me the damn news that he's getting married. He just wanted to see me there to tell me that he will have his wedding, he also wants me to help him with the organization and honestly, I can't do it, I couldn't bear to see him again, I feel so heartbroken and embarrassed by how I acted. I felt bad for having lied to him so many times in just one day.

I know I'm being fucking selfish, I know, but I've spent a lot of time hiding my feelings for fear of losing him and now I'm losing his friendship for being weird and losing him at the same time. I feel so stupid because I don't understand why I'm reacting this way right now as an adult, because honestly with all these negative feelings, I feel like when I was in high school, and I saw him with his girlfriend from back then.

It's impossible to hate them and I never will, it's impossible, they're both so lovely but they hurt me, but do you know what triggered my crying to come out? It was the damn date, the same day that Jake ever kissed me, that same day but from now...he's getting married. It disappoints me to know that day was only important to me, but I can't do anything about it, I can't force him to love me and after all... he deserves to be happy.

I don't know if I'll be able to attend his wedding, but I definitely won't be able to help him to organize it. I'll see what excuse I'll come up with to keep my distance. I know what I'm going to do is horrible, but I need to do something for the sake of my emotional stability.

______________________________________________________________

To "calm down a bit", you spent the rest of the morning and afternoon watching movies like "My Best Friend's Wedding" and other romcoms to maybe comfort yourself a bit. You wanted to fool yourself that there was a chance you could cancel all plans and stay with Jake.

At some point in their friendship, they had said that if they both stayed single, they would get married and be together because they got along quite well, but the paths of life are not always as we want and although there were always people in love with you, you were always the maid of honor but never the bride.

When the sun set, you took the beer out of your fridge and gave in to the urge to drink one after another until you were completely drunk, although you were always aware of your actions while you were under the influence of alcohol, this time you stopped worrying about what you would do, you were so drunk that you bawled the lyrics of all those songs that expressed your pain, from Dolly Parton to The Smiths with "Back To The Old House", returning with ABBA and for the punchline: "Anna" by The Beatles. What you needed most was a hug and although anyone could give you a simple hug, you needed to feel the warm arms of your beloved Jake around you, but his hugs didn’t belong to you, they belonged to someone else, and it had always been that way. Your phone started ringing over and over again, checking who was calling you saw that the one calling you was Jake. You didn't feel like talking and you felt sorry that he realized you were crying.

"Jake?" you took the call "What happened? Do you need anything?" you asked letting out a tiny sob.

On the other end of the phone, Jake noticed that you were sobbing "Are you okay? It's just... I'm calling to ask if you're okay, I heard a weird sound and, in the morning, at breakfast, you left very quickly. You were fine and then... you left me"

When he said the last thing, your heart was crushed and you remained silent although the alcohol was nothing to cause you to confess everything, your brain was reluctant to say anything inappropriate "Oh... it's that... I told you, I had many things... to... do" your voice betrayed the amount of alcohol you were drinking "and... I had to... go"

"Are you drunk?"

"Um... kinda. Why?"

"Y/N, I've known you for a long time, obviously I'll know when you're drunk... and without me"

Jake tried to joke, but instead of making you laugh it made you sadder.

"Yes... I'm drunk, terribly drunk and yes, I'm also crying over a stupid movie. You know how sensitive I am"

Jake chuckled. "What movie are you watching?"

"Nope, I'm not going to tell you the name of this fucking movie, I don't want to ruin your day, or your week, or your month, or your life..."

"Okay? Well... I just wanted to know how you were because I was intrigued by what happened this morning and I even got upset and thought that you were mad or that I had done something that bothered you... next time you get drunk, invite me over, okay?"

"Yes Jacob... it's fine, I'll buy the drinks next time" your breathing (now calmer) could be heard.

"So... Are you sure you’re okay?"

"Yes... I am. Why? I already told you why I was crying"

"No, no, not for nothing" he sighed "I think... it's time to hang up. Anything you need I'm just a phone call or text away from you, well… you know. So bye!"

You wiped your nose with the back of your hand "Okay, I'll call you later" you moved the phone away from your ear and hung up.

Talking with him was relaxing, especially since he didn't mention anything about his wedding, apart from the fact that he had cared for you, it was very comforting to know that although his heart belonged to someone else, he would always be there for you.

Although you had kept your feelings to yourself for YEARS and had already seen him with several couples throughout this year, you had never been so scared and so sad as now. You needed immediate advice, but you were too embarrassed to give the context.

The first person you thought of was Josh, just like Jake, knows each other very well and was always close, plus you were sure that he suspected about your feelings towards his twin since the day of that mythical kiss. Either way, he was going to find out.

You texted Josh to come over telling them you needed some advice, he always had something to tell you and his advice was good thanks to his honesty, sometimes it hurt and many times it was far from what you wanted to hear, but without a doubt... it was what you had to do, and even if his mouth was full of reason, though that didn't mean you always put his advice into practice.

Josh responded quickly and agreed to come to your house, luckily his house wasn't far from yours, so it didn't take him long to get there. Once in your house, when you opened the door, he saw your red and swollen eyes, he felt your sadness and without further ado, he gave you the warmest hug that your heart needed.

"What happened?" you separated from him so that he could go inside the house.

Once inside and the two of you sitting in different armchairs you collapsed in tears "It's just... I feel so selfish for feeling like this, I should be happy and not feel so miserable."

"But if it's making you feel bad, I think it's better to let what you feel out, don't you think?"

"Just… please, I know I'm going to sound stupid, and I don't want you to judge me."

"Why should I judge you? I'm here for a reason and it's not the first time you trust me with something."

You took a deep breath to prepare yourself for what you were going to say since that would be the first time you would say it out loud and to someone else "The thing is that... it's that... I love Jake and always It's been like that but I'm a horrible person who never had the guts to tell him. Now he's going to marry a wonderful woman and he'll never know how much I love him."

Josh was extremely surprised at your confession; both of his eyes were wide open that it seemed that at any moment they would pop out “Damn...” He was silent for a few seconds to be able to process the information "I just don't know what to tell you this time and it must be one of the most horrible feelings. Why didn't you say anything to him?"

"Because I'm a coward... just because of that, because I was always embarrassed to tell him. Seeing him as he almost always got away with beautiful and intelligent girls, there was simply no chance for me, so I just watched as he was happy."

"I don't know if it's appropriate to tell you this right now" Josh sighed "but maybe if you had told him before, things would be extremely different now. Don't tell him that I told you, but some years ago he had feelings for you too, he told me almost every night, but he never did anything about it because even though you are his best friend, he always felt that you were a little cold, so he was afraid of being rejected and throwing the friendship away” he rolled his eyes “Fuck, you two are so dumb as hell. I bet if he finds out about this he's going to collapse."

"Collapse in what sense?" you said between sobs.

"Collapse in the sense that he's going to feel like an idiot" he covered his face with both hands.

"And if he loved me too, why didn't he do anything? Why did he go with other girls? Was I only his second choice? I have so many questions... that the more I think, the more it hurts."

"It's not like you were second choice to him, just that he's a cowardly fool, plus if I had no idea about you liked him, I'll bet my throat and left foot he has no idea either."

"I believe you, but it's hard for me to understand because even the date of his wedding will be on very special dat, at least for me"

"May 16" you said at the same time.

"See, you do remember that party and he doesn't, he never remembered that he kissed me"

"I had understood that at some point you two had kissed, but... I don't know why he chose that day specifically"

"Because he doesn't remember and maybe he did it before, but nowadays, I assure you that he doesn't remember"

"Assuming he finds out about this. Would you like him to dump his girlfriend?"

You kept silent because if you said yes, you were afraid Josh thinking badly of you "No, I don't want that to happen. I just want him to be happy and knowing him, knowing me, I think the best thing would be go away from him, it would be the best thing I can do, for my mental health, for his happiness and mine too. It wouldn't be fair to his fiancée if he left her on the eve of something so important."

"Sometimes you put others above yourself and that makes you not be honest with yourself, but I get it and if you think go away from Jake would make you feel better, it’s okay." he sat next to you to give you a hug again "Of course we would miss you a lot, but it's very understandable." he rubbed your shoulder with his strong hand.

"I would miss you guys a lot too" you sobbed "and in fact, I'm not going to attend their wedding or maybe I'll go for a while, but I don't think I can stand it. To make matters worse, he asked me to help him with the organization, but... I don't know how to tell him no because I don't want to lie to him anymore, that was enough lies, today I told him I had to interview Tom Hiddleston to get away from him."

"Why don't you write him a letter? You're good at writing and maybe it's easier for you to write about you feel than to tell him"

"Well... that would be less humiliating, but I think I would have to find the most prudent moment to give it to him"

You two continued the conversation, Josh made you laugh but sometimes the crying came back and you cursed yourself because you felt your behavior was childish but Josh made you understand that your feelings were valid, after all you spent SO MANY years holding them back and at some point moment, like a bomb, they were going to explode, and although some people say that time heals all, time never healed your love for Jake.

When Josh left, you were already calmer, down to earth and you didn't feel dizzy either, so you took a blank sheet of paper and a pencil, it was here where you would leave all your love for Jake.

______________________________________________________________

Dear Jacob,

First, I want to thank you for so many years of friendship, for so many experiences together, drunkenness, concerts, sad moments and of course, happy moments. I'm glad to know how much we spent together.

I recently found out that at some point, you used to feel something for me, something more that you wouldn't feel for a friend, but you never said anything because you were afraid that I would reject you, although that didn’t stop you from going your way. For better or worse, these feelings...were and are mutual to this day, however, my pride never let me be honest even with myself, and I didn't have the guts to tell you face to face either, but now it's too late.

This letter is not to reproach you or complain, but this is to tell you how much I love you and that I want you to be happy, but just as I want you to be happy, I also want to be happy too after repressing my feelings and desires for a very long time, so it's my time to go. Although we are adults, I want you to know I need time to grow and to exist. I don't want you to feel guilty, finally the one who fell in love was me.

I want to leave you in peace because you deserve to be happy, you and your fiancée are two amazing people who deserve everything, I want your dreams to continue to come true, that your life with her is prosperous and that the love you have between you stays strong. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but please don't look for me, I just know that I'll come back at the right time. I’ll take advantage of this trip to grow emotionally and professionally, I think I will be in Latin America to continue doing my job as a journalist. But please, again I implore you not to look for me, we both must live and continue our lives.

As you can guess, I won’t be able to assist to your wedding, I know that you are probably thinking that I am selfish, but I’m doing this for the good of both of us, it wouldn’t be healthy even for you

Promise me you'll be fine and happy.

Without more to say, thank you for everything, I will always be grateful to you, and I understand that things happen for a reason, and I love you, I love you so much that that is why I am leaving you so that we can exist.

I have no hard feelings, so... I’ll let you go, and I love you Jacob, but you're not mine.

See you soon.

Sincerely, Y/N

______________________________________________________________

While you were writing, the tears were present, remembering every beautiful moment you had with him, from the time he sang to you on your birthday with his beautiful smile, the first concert you attended together, the prom, when he announced that a label record company offered them a contract. Thanks to the friendship between you and Jake, you learned a lot of things, you lived the most wonderful experiences, but it was time to close cycles, perhaps in Latin America you would find another vision of things, start over, and maybe meet another person with whom to share beautiful moments as well as with Jake, but with reciprocated feelings for the other.

You decided to go to sleep because you had that tired feeling that comes after crying a lot. What motivated you a little bit was thinking that tomorrow would be a different day and that anything could await you. Although it was difficult to admit it, there was still a small hope that Jake would tell you that all this time he has loved you with madness and passion, even if it sounded silly and fanciful.

After sleeping like a baby, you woke up tangled with the sheets of your bed, you felt your pillow a little wet, you thought it could have been your saliva, but it was because even when you were asleep you cried a little.

You rubbed your eyes to see a little clearer and thus get up, once out of bed, you immediately went for a glass of water. You took your phone and there were several missed calls from Jake, when you saw the notifications, you felt your stomach shrink and you were even tempted not to call him back to unsettle him a bit, but you couldn't do that kind of thing to him.

“Hi, what’s up?” you greeted.

"Are you okay? Are you feeling okay?"

"Jacob, I don't know what you're talking about. Why do you say that?" you were really disconcerted because although obviously you weren't well, it was strange that he was worried out of nowhere.

"Oh…it's just, well, I'm not supposed to tell you this" he paused a bit.

"Tell me what?"

"It's just...I was talking to Josh last night and honestly...we were talking about you for most of the call. He's worried about you, he told me he'd been to see you and that you looked really bad, like sick and depressed, so I told him that it made sense because I told him what happened at the cafe"

You started to worry because you thought Josh had ratted you out, but you decided not to go any further.

"Did he tell you just that?"

"Yes, it was just that. Why?"

"No, no, it's just... he has a point"

"Y/N, please how can I help you? I'm shocked and worried for you as you have no idea"

You didn't answer, you stayed silent, and you could only hear how you were breathing. You wanted to cry, but you were able to contain your tears.

"It's just... emotionally I haven't felt good, I'm far from feeling good and I've repressed myself for a long time to the point that it's affecting me mentally"

"If you want to tell me something specific, I'm here, I listen to you and if you want, I can drive you home. Whatever you need"

"I have many things to tell you, there are many things you should know but now is not the right time" you sighed "Is that why you called me?"

"Oh... well, in this case, I understand that you don't want to talk about this right now, but when you tell me we can meet" you imagined his smile at that moment "and yes, I called you precisely because of that, also I felt that our last call was a biting and I got even more concerned about what Josh told me."

"Oh, sorry if I sounded rude or something, but I really wasn't very open to talking to you."

"Did I do or say something to upset you?"

"I don't want to go into details, but it's not something you need to worry about. In fact, I have something to give you as soon as possible."

"Well, I have the night off tonight, we could have a drink. If you want, I could ask my fiancée to join us and spend quality time the three of us"

You rolled your eyes because the last thing you wanted was for someone else to be there, you just wanted to have time with him, alone "Come on Jake, I don't want to be the third wheel" you snorted.

"But it's not the first time we'd do it, we did a double date once, do you remember? You were with that guy who was a Weezer fan"

"Pff... that happened a long time ago" you forced a giggle "of course I remember, but you said it yourself, it was a double date and now I would go completely alone. I would feel more comfortable if it was just the two of us. I don't have nothing against her, but it's something a little... more personal"

"Okay? I think I know where this is going"

"No Jake, you have no idea, I bet you"

Jake laughed "It's not like you're going to tell me that all this time you were in love with me, you're so unpredictable that I could expect anything but that from you"

The slight smile that was on your face was disappearing, sometimes you felt like pushing him or kicking his butt because of how silly he was, finally you didn't expect much because even though he was cute and you loved him a lot, he was a man.

"Don't get your hopes up, Jake" you tried to joke although you were discouraged "but aside from any joke or whatever you think it is... it's something extremely important, almost confidential, but as I told you, I won't give you more details"

"Okay, okay, I get it" he made his usual giggle that made you feel butterflies in your stomach "At the usual bar?"

"Yep, the usual bar"

Throughout the day you were checking flights to Argentina, Brazil, Chile and Mexico, it distracted you a little from the pain to decide which country you would go to start over. You finally chose to go to Mexico since you had family there and that way you wouldn't be so alone.

You were constantly stopping to think if what you were doing was the right thing, you even considered that you were being very impulsive, but you couldn't keep holding back like that either. It was now or never. You finally bought your ticket to Mexico City at 10:30am for tomorrow. After buying your ticket, you were looking for an Airbnb to stay for a week while you got an apartment and work there. Maybe you were being a little impulsive, but you knew it was best for Jake and you.

You were looking forward to the night, but your stomach hurt a little from the nerves, however it was something controllable. You planned almost everything you would say to him to avoid any undesirable situation, even if you were already in an undesirable situation. You most likely knew things weren't going to go your way, but you still stuck to your "plan."

Basically, your plan was to extend the conversation and just before leaving, you were going to give him your letter explaining that he had to read it when he was calm and comfortable, that it was not necessary for him to read at that moment, but alone.

It was time to go to the bar, you didn't try to get ready, it was just a pair of mom jeans, a plain black long-sleeved shirt, a cardigan, and a red scarf, it wasn't really cold, but you liked your scarf, besides that made you feel protected at times like these. Also, your makeup was very simple, you just put a little eyeliner that adorned your sad eyes. You took your letter and put it in an envelope, it had no decoration or anything like that, you just sprayed a little of your usual perfume so that it would not be something so apparently simple, because what really mattered was each word that was written on the sheet of paper.

On the way, you were playing with your fingers, also every so often you were rubbing your hands on your lap to remove the sweat from them. The driver saw you so nervous that he avoided making conversation with you, a gesture that you appreciated with a generous five stars as a review.

From outside you could hear the band that played that night in the bar, it was a cover band that didn't sound bad. By this time, Greta Van Fleet were already among the most popular bands in the United States, so it was common to hear everywhere followed by songs by Aerosmith, Queen and other rock greats, so you could hear from the parking lot that they were playing "Highway Tune", you immediately thought that if Jake was already inside, he was probably with a smile full of pride... or maybe he was carefully observing every movement of the guitarist to see if he was doing it right.

You stopped before you texted Jake to see if he was here yet, if so he would probably be at the farthest table so it was important to know where he was. He took a while to answer you, but he had told you that he was indeed already at the bar.

Once inside, you looked for the table next to the window on the left side and there he was, he looked... calm and that's how you wanted to remember him.

He was watching you, his face lit up with a smile like that of a child who sees his mother after a long day at school.

"Y/N, it's good that you're here! I'm all ears, tell me what you want. Shall I ask you for something?"

"Jake! Wait, I'll go to ask for my drink, I'll be right back" you left your bag on the chair where you were going to sit and quickly went to order a rum and coke without ice and preferably more rum than coke. Once you had it in your hands, you took a sip and said to yourself "Tonight is going to be worth it if it's going to be our last night" when you returned to your place, you settled in front of Jake and gave him a look full of nostalgia.

"Hey Y/N What's up? Why are you looking at me like that?" he said worried as the band played "Anna" by the Beatles.

"It's just... all this fills me with nostalgia, and I would like things to be like before"

"But it hasn't been long since we last went out drinking with the boys."

"No, it's not that" you took a sip from your glass "I mean something else, we are becoming more and more adults and our lives are taking a different course due to small actions of the past"

"Why?" He took a long drink from his beer.

"It's just... every day I regret more of what I didn't do before and that makes me so sick that it's affecting my relationship with other people, even... with you" you took off your scarf and left it on the back of the chair.

"If so, I think you do not have to worry, we have so many years of friendship, we know everything about each other, we have listened to each other so much. Honestly, many of the best things would not have happened to me if I hadn't met you, in fact Greta Van Fleet wouldn't have had the same popularity that we have now" he smiled and took another drink, now shorter "now that I'm saying this, do you remember when everyone said that we were going to end up married?"

Your eyes widened like a pair of white plates and you shook your head, obviously you remembered perfectly well, but you pretended you didn't.

"They always thought that at some point we would end up together or something and look at us now. Our friendship will last until the end of the world, so if you feel bad... just tell me” You wanted to be angry with him for saying things so hurtful to you, but you couldn't be mad at him for two simple reasons: one, he had no idea how you felt about him and two, he was Jake.

"Jake, look, I have a lot of things to tell you, you have no idea how much I want to tell you everything that has me wrong, but it will be a little later, right now I want to clear my head, I know that we are here together to talk about what worries me , but first I want to be... happy because this may be the last time I see you"

Jacob immediately put on the most serious face you've ever seen "How could this be the last time I see you? What are you going to do?"

"Remember I told you I had something for you?"

He nodded.

"Well, it has something to do with -it-"

"But what about my wedding?" he paused with an incredulous face "Ah, I think I know where this is going! Surely it has something to do with my bachelor party, right?"

You wanted to slap him and tell him everything at once, but you just shrugged your shoulders with a forced smile. The band now played something more relaxed, they opted to play an acoustic version of Juliet by Cavetown.

"Well, that doesn't matter right now, we're going to drink in the wildest way possible like in our old days" Jake said lifting his beer.

"Like pirates?" you asked with a tender but melancholic gaze.

"Like Pirates"

Beer after beer and rum after rum, you laughed at every nonsense word that sounded funny in your head, it really was like going back in time to when you were about 23 years old and going from bar to bar in different countries to have a good time along with the rest of the band. Although going out with them was frequent, the outings with them became more and more serious, it was no longer for fun, they were already to relieve stress and due to the responsibilities of each one, it was already more difficult to meet with the whole band.

"Hey Jake, does she have a problem with you getting drunk with me?"

Jake snorted and slowly answered "No, not at all…she knows…and she trusts you a lot"

They soon drifted off topic and continued talking about the absurd things of their day to day, even Jake let it slip to tell you that his fiancée was sometimes very scolding with him for not being as organized as she was and that sometimes he felt like a child little boy with her, he loved her but there were many things that he disliked. You might as well draw him out and screw the wedding, but you weren't cruel enough to do it.

The night progressed until it was your time to go, you had had a good time with him, you laughed a lot and remembered many beautiful things, but it was time to put your feet on the ground.

"I haven't laughed like I did right now for days" you giggled "but it's time to go, I have to get my things ready for tomorrow"

"Are you going somewhere?"

"You will know"

You took your bag and got up from the chair, but Jake took your hand, you felt his calluses from the tips of his fingers on the back of your hand. Your gaze met his and although both of you were a little dizzy, clearly his gaze was expressing what you wanted so much to see reflected in his eyes. It was love.

"Y/N…please stay" he whispered.

"No Jake, I can't. It's too late for this"

Now his hand was holding you tighter and at any moment he could have dropped to his knees to beg you to stay with him.

"Please stay with me, I want you to be by my side forever"

"Jake, you're saying this because you're drunk. You're just talking incoherently and that's enough because... you're hurting me" he let go of your hand without any another word and settled back into his chair.

"I'm sorry, but it's just... there are things I can't say when I'm sober"

"Well, I would really appreciate it if you would tell me sober and not like that because once you kissed me when you were drunk and while you forgot about it the next day, it meant a lot to me all my life!" everything began to get out of control and without shame, you began to cry in front of him, with that you had said everything and without having to give him the letter.

Jake looked at you in disbelief, he was trying to decipher what you had just said, because he didn't know if it was a reproach, or you were confessing your love. You began to rummage through your bag to pull out the letter and hand it to her.

"Here's what I wanted to give you" again his eyes met yours "read it when you can, as long as you're alone" without further ado, you took your phone to put it in your bag and almost ran out of the bar. It was so fast Jake couldn't even stop you...again.

You ran far from the parking lot and ordered an uber to take you home. Coincidentally, the same driver who brought you to the bar was the same one who came to pick you up, but this time, he saw that you were crying and before starting he told you "You're still very young, I bet whoever made you cry will have a really bad time" you thanked him for his words and the car started straight home.

He was so shocked and completely speechless, he just stood there by the hand with the envelope in his hands. They had to spend a few seconds to sat down and run both hands through his hair.

As the band played "Back to The Old House," Jake desperately tore open the envelope and pulled out your letter. He turned the letter over both sides, he was looking at the details of the page and then he started to read it. At first, his expression was serious, but as he was reading, his heart was shrinking, and he felt that singular sting that appears when you want to cry.

He had mixed feelings, he didn't know if he was angry with himself or with you and he didn't know if he was sad either, but as soon as he finished reading your letter, he picked up his phone to call you. Looking up from him, he saw that you dropped your red scarf and took it to hold it close to him.

When your phone started ringing, you answered the call by inertia, not even checking that Jake was calling you.

"Y/N...you forgot your scarf"

You turned to see your things and covered your face with your right hand "You can keep it; I can't go back" you said between sobs.

"Hey, listen, I already read your letter..."

"It's too late to talk about this"

"But I want to talk about your letter"

"But I don't want to, please"

"But why not?"

"Because it's late, didn't you hear?!"

"It's just... it's just... I'm mad that you didn't tell me sooner! You make me between a rock and a hard place! Why are you doing this to me right now?" he was crying too, her helplessness was more than her sadness.

"Because I just couldn't take it anymore, Jake! I've been holding it in for a long time and I can't anymore!" the crying got even louder "and I'm also mad at myself for not telling you sooner, but anyway, there's nothing to do. Tomorrow I'm out of here"

"Y/N, please don't do this to me right now, I need you, I want you to stay with me"

"Jake... you already have someone to stay with you for a long time"

"I'll come see you tomorrow"

"I already told you, I beg you not to look for me anymore. Let me exist in peace, every day that passes the pain that you are not with me becomes more intense and it is not fair for you because you are already happy, I am supposed to I'm fine, but I'm not. Please, it's about time we went our separate ways" you snorted "You know something? I'm at the uber and the poor driver is listening to all this. I'm going to hang up because it's embarrassing" without further ado you ended the call and apologized to the driver.

"Don't worry, I didn't pay attention to your conversation, anyway, if it's any consolation... things happen for a reason, everything has a reason to be and exist, I know that the current outlook for you is bleak, but the universe arranges things in a certain way to obtain learning"

The rest of the way was silent until you got home, you thanked the driver and finally walked through your front door. Once inside, you desperately ran to your room to grab your suitcase and put your clothes inside it along with other important things. Your tears were still rolling down your cheeks and Jake kept calling you insistently.

Again, you took the call just to see how things would end and at least give a calmer end to all this "Jake, now what?"

"Are you home already?"

You thought about your answer because if you said you were at home, he would come to see you "No... not yet"

"Can we talk about your letter now? I don't want things to end like this" he sounded very desperate.

"Me neither... and sorry for reacting like that"

"You don't have to apologize, finally... I said a lot of things that could have hurt you, but I didn't know I was doing it, in fact I never thought you loved me that way"

They were both speechless, only Jake's light crying, and your sobs could be heard, that was all.

"Jake... I'm already home"

"Can I go to see you?"

"Just for a while because I don't want to sleep so late"

While you waited for Jake to arrive, you continued to pack your things and arrange the small backpack that you would carry during your flight. You were beginning to regret your desperate journey. What would happen to your family and your house? So you decided to stay in Mexico for a little while to try out what life is like there and take it as a vacation instead of making it your whole life.

The doorbell rang twice and it was obviously Jake. You weren't in much of a rush to get downstairs and to the door, but once you opened it, Jake hurried inside your house.

"I need to talk about it" he said taking the letter.

"What do you want to know?" you asked closing the door "everything you need to know is there, the one who should make the questions should be me"

"I'm an open book. Let's get this over with." he flopped down on the loveseat and rubbed his hands against his skinny legs.

"In all honesty... do you remember that time you kissed me?"

"Yes, I know what happened, but I don't remember when exactly"

"It was a May 16..."you said.

Jake looked up to meet yours, her face reflecting surprise "I swear I... I didn't remember the date"

"I noticed, but I don't entirely blame you, finally you were drunk, and we were two dumb teenagers." You were still standing in front of him until Jake patted the couch twice for you to sit next to him. Once at his side you continued with your questions "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me if you liked me so much? I know I did the same, but I already explained my reasons, all you need to do is tell me what happened "

"It's just..." he moistened his lips "even though you're my best friend, I always felt you a little... you know, distant, very serious, cold and that you were never going to fall in love with a person as disastrous as me. Simply because you and I are polar opposites, and that's why I thought that our thing was not going to work, plus I was very afraid that you would reject me and therefore make our friendship uncomfortable. But I saw that our friendship anyway, now it depends on a thread, and I could lose you sooner than I thought. Frankly, I've always loved you, it's just that for a long time I gave up the idea that one day you would be with me, and this doesn't mean that I don't love my fiancée, but I just... gave up. It obviously hurt every time I saw you with a guy, even though I knew they were just casual dates, but still…the pain was there. I know that you can misunderstand the fact that I have gone out with some girls, because I did love them, but I never felt the same intensity as with you"

You began to play with your hands and avoided looking into his eyes "Finally we're not so -opposites- we're both scaredy idiots" you let out an unfunny laugh "we could have had it all but because of the damn fear we lost it all, too late to make amends, so I think it's best that we just let's go our way"

Jake turned to you "I wouldn't say it's late"

"Jake, the dice were already rolled from the start. Of course, it's already late, you’ll be taking a very important step in your life, don't do something rash impulsively, don't hurt your fiancée, she's a very nice person and she genuinely loves you"

He was desperately looking for your eyes and your hands "It no longer makes sense for us to keep hiding what we feel, I admit it, you too, what difference does it make?" he came even closer to you and took your hands tightly "Let's go to Latin America together, let's run away together like when we used to sneak out at night to go to parties"

You let go of your right hand and took his chin gently "But this isn't a party, this is real life and… I'm leaving tomorrow" you pushed his hand away and continued "besides, that wouldn't be the right thing to do, it would be very hurtful for your fiancée, you can't leave her like this a couple of months before a wedding" Jake shook his head, directing his gaze to his hands and you continued "So... if you want to do things right, settle your affairs first and then come to find me."

"How am I supposed to find you?" he asked you with a bit of desperation.

"You'll know, but for now, if that's what you want…you know what to do"

He looked at you with a certain sadness, he didn't know whether to direct his gaze because he also felt a little embarrassed to turn to look at your eyes. Even though you really wanted to hold his hands and peck every inch of his face, you were thinking about how his fiancée would feel if she found out that you two kissed, so in solidarity with her, you refrained from kissing him. The only thing left now was to wait.

Jake got up from the love seat and scratched the back of his neck, still looking down "Well, I think we heard the things we needed to tell each other” You nodded biting your thumb nail "it's too late and... I think I have to go now; you'll need a lot of sleep for your flight tomorrow."

"Thanks for coming Jake... I really needed this" you also got up after him. He gave you a soft smile but still a little sadness in his eyes. You felt a little bad seeing him like that so as he headed for the door, you slowly approached his back and then hugged him just as he was about to touch your doorknob making it stop completely.

Tears welled up in your eyes quickly, there was no way to stop your tears. When Jake felt your arms wrap around his back, he reached for your arms so he could turn to you and hold you like it was always meant to be "I'm going to do the right thing, I promise I'll do the right thing" he gently brought your head close to his chest; you could hear every strong beat of his heart.

You lasted a few minutes hugging until Jake left your house. Before he opened the door of his car he exclaimed "I'll come for you! Please wait for me!"

"I’ll be waiting! If you took a hundred years to arrive, I would stay waiting for you all those hundred years!” you exclaimed watching as he closed the door of his car.

Once inside your house, you leaned against the door and let yourself fall. It took so many years to confess your feelings, something that looked so easy but was so complicated to do. You needed to hit rock bottom to change your situation. You needed to sleep to get up early and go to the airport, what was next in your life was to let yourself be surprised by the wonders of life in Mexico and wait for Jake to come for you, but not in the sense of rescuing you like a princess, but to accompany you on your new adventure. Once in your bed, you tucked yourself in and it didn't take long for your eyes to close. The day ended with a small smile on your face.

On the other hand, Jake was on his way home, still reflecting on what had just happened, he still couldn't believe that you were keeping your feelings to yourself for so long, although he couldn't help but think that he was also stupid for not telling you before. Along the way, the best he could do was call his best friend who was also his twin.

After two unanswered calls, Josh finally answered the phone on the third call. With his sleepy voice it was heard as he said "hello" almost like a whisper.

"Josh... it's me" Jake said eagerly.

"I know it's you. Don't you think it's too late to call me right now?"

"Yes, yes, I know it's late, but I have something to tell you” There was no response from Josh other than the slight sound of his breathing "Josh... I'm not getting married"

The curly-haired brother's eyes widened, and he jumped up from the bed "Don't fuck with me, what the fuck did you do? Did you cheat on her?"

"No, of course not," Jake replied indignantly, "I just…I've been pondering if I really want to spend my whole life with her under a stronger commitment than just living together."

"It has nothing to do with Y/N right?"

"I'd like to say no, but actually yes"

"I knew it! I knew this was going to happen!" he hit the mattress with his right hand frantically "And you know it perfectly well, I always told you to tell Y/N before someone got hurt and now her and your fiancée are or will be hurt."

"I know and I feel stupid, I just did a drama at Y/N's house and I just went to make a fool of myself, but it doesn't matter because... honestly, a weight was lifted off my shoulders.”

"Maybe you don't feel that pain anymore that you used to have every time Y/N dated a person, but what I'm really worried about is how you're going to tell your girlfriend...fiancée or whatever that you're not getting married anymore. "

"I don't know…" he sighed and scratched the back of her neck "I honestly don't know how I'm going to do it; besides, Y/N is going to Mexico tomorrow and I think she'll be there for a long time.”

"I did know that, she'll be there for a long time, I think she wants to start things over there."

"Why did you not tell me?" he hit the steering wheel "Maybe I could have stopped her from leaving and we could have worked things out."

"No Jake, obviously I wasn't going to tell you that she was leaving because you were busy with your stuff, plus I'm sure she didn't want you to know, and I had to respect that"

Jake was overwhelmed with despair and conflict. "I told her that I wasn't getting married anymore and that... I would come back for her." His eyes began to get teary.

His brother let out a long sigh of desperation and anguish "Jake, brother... don't make promises if you can't keep them."

"Why do you say I can't keep it?" Jake raised his voice.

"Let's face it, it's going to take you too long to tell her you don't want to get married anymore. I know you so well."

Jake was upset with what his brother had just told him, however, he knew he was telling the truth, telling his now ex-fiancée was going to be extremely difficult, but sooner or later he had to do it, besides, he had just had the lesson of his life about saying things and being honest with the people around himself.

He drove to his house, parked the car and when he entered, there was that girl with whom he wanted to take a step forward by marrying her. She had fallen asleep in the couch that was looking at the window to see him arrive. She apparently thought of staying up to wait for him, but her sleep defeated her.

She really was a very good woman, you could see that she genuinely loved Jake, she cared a lot about him, trusted him and was willing to do anything for him, almost like you, the only difference between her and you it was that Jake was with her, but you loved him just the same.

When Jake saw her asleep, he felt a lump in his throat, because he knew how much she loved him and it would break her into a thousand pieces to know that he no longer wanted to marry her, much less... continue with a relationship that was not reciprocal. She gave a lot and Jake apparently did too, but the truth was that he was never going to love her the same way.

He sat down next to her, looked at her face carefully, from her long eyelashes to the small pimple that appeared on her right cheek. It didn't take long for Jake to remove the hair that covered her forehead, although he did it carefully, it made her wake up. Opening her eyes, her lips curved into a smile until she met Jake's anguished face. "What's up, baby?" she asked her.

Jake didn't answer her question, he kept stroking her hair. She was silent for a few minutes until he said "Nothing, nothing's wrong. Keep sleeping" he closed his conversation with her with a small kiss on her forehead, releasing a small tear that rolled from his eyes to her cheek.

"We talk tomorrow, okay?" The woman with long dark hair nodded with the same smile as before and continued with her deep sleep while Jake kept looking at her sadly thinking about how he was going to put an end to his problem, although surely one of them would get hurt, well, he had two options : stay with his fiancée, make her happy but break the promise he had made to the love of his life and therefore, leave her waiting in another country, or leave his fiancée with a strong pain that will cost her a lot to forget but keep his promise.

TO BE CONTINUED

#fanfic #fanfiction #music #my writing #jake gvf #jake kiszka #greta van fic #greta van fleet #angst #greta van fluff #fluff #female reader #gvf fanfiction #gvf angst #josh kiszka #sam kiszka #danny wagner

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cheesebearger · 2 years

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i was 7 or 8 when 9/11 happened and honestly i recall nothing about the event at all. i do remember how, in the aftermath, my muslim friend's family decided to move to the uk because of how impossible it was to live here afterwards. and i remember the way adult white people would speak about the event as though they were personally affected even when they weren't - in fact, one eighth grade teacher of mine lied effusively about her personal involvement in 9/11 (i thought she was being truthful but im on the spectrum - all my other friends were able to clock her as lying so i'm trusting their judgment on the matter). and maybe it's because i'm someone who thinks grief is a personal thing, and that it's rude and weird to grieve like you're family to someone you don't know - but it feels to me like a kind of "stolen valor" in the dumbest sort of way. there's this desire by older white people to try and involve themselves in 9/11 because they've made it part of their identity, and in that way they are perpetuating the paranoia and fear of the other in every action they take. the crocodile tears for 9/11 aren't even for the people who died.

so my personal opinion on 9/11 jokes are: they're funny. bc it is more than just a tragedy, it is now a figural Event in White History. while i understand the reasons behind 9/11 (the "terrorists" were well educated men who believed skyscrapers were symbolic of the imperialist war machine - a tower which cannot in any way be safely evacuated in event of a real emergency and filled with people who do non-jobs all to produce capital for the landed elite) but the people working in the towers were, at best, merely accomplices to their own oppression. killing them accomplished nothing. and propaganda of the deed has the unfortunate after-effect of being great fodder for growing a politics of fear.

so by mocking 9/11, all of the political power associated with the Event which is used as the Justification for War, is similarly mocked. and it should be mocked, and must be mocked. if the twin towers had simply had a fire, it would have taken hours for the building to evac. and do you think that would have led to any kind of change in the US about the safety of skyscrapers? or perhaps a limit on their height to maintain adequate evac time? of course not, it would have been handwaved as an "unavoidable tragedy" or something like that. there was no way anyone in that tower would ever have gotten out if they weren't close to the ground, plane or no plane. and that is the risk of every skyscraper, the risk of the capitalist machine which seeks to maximize the minimum at the expense of the flesh of the bodies that labor and produce. so mock 9/11 as much as you want and mock every person who talks about it in the soft, hushed tones of a devotee at a sunday mass. they don't give a fuck about the people who died, the only thing they care about is their perceived "nation" and its perceived "safety" from "invasion."

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nextstopparis · 3 years

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the knights: armour

percival: our

#percival: the arm in armour is silent #this is perhaps the dumbest joke i have ever made bUT i made it in my notes app at 2:16 am and then immediately passed out #so i think i get a pass this one time #besides i was literally dying last night this was so funny so. maybe u should all respect 2 am me hmm #and thus my ongoing one sided feud with percival continues #sighh #bbc merlin #the knights of the round table #leon #lancelot #elyan #arthur pendragon #gwaine #percival #is it crack @nextstopparis? is that what u smoke? u smoke crack?

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favoniuscodex · 2 years

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rumors, rumors, rumors [ diluc, kaeya, zhongli x gn!reader ]

" extra, extra! in our newest issue of the favonius codex, we have hot gossip straight off the press. only 500 mora for the newest issue ! "

prompt: rumors, rumors, rumors: the friendship with them that seems to be more than it appears. (ALTERNATIVELY: assorted pining-esque scenes where everyone seems to think you're dating) characters: (individually) diluc, kaeya, zhongli x gn!reader wc: ~2.7k words total warnings: ok i make the dumbest suggestive joke ever in diluc's part however i am a comedy genius so nobody is allowed to complain a/n: part one! this is a part of my 7k follower event. part two will have itto, xiao, and albedo! :D (word counts in this part vary by abt 100 to 200 words for each section).

diluc

"you look... nice today," diluc says after clearing his throat. his cheeks are a shade of scarlet as he looks away from you, unable to avoid eye contact. it isn't often that diluc gets a chance to visit you at work, but his visits are always welcome. since you moved to mondstadt, you've made an unlikely group of friends, but perhaps the oddest (and your favorite) of them all is mondstadt's most eligible bachelor.

you never expected him to be shy, but here the two of you are. people aren't always what they initially seem, you guess. nonetheless, you understand and beam at him.

"thanks, diluc! it's just my work uniform, but i'm glad you like it!" you chirp enthusiastically and return to chopping the carrots in front of you. as a helping hand at the good hunter, you do your best to make sara's job easier, but she's never been against you taking time to chat with the customers. diluc lingers across the counter, hovering awkwardly as he nervously fiddles with his gloves.

"would you perhaps be taking your lunch break soon?" the winery owner asks after some contemplation and you nod enthusiastically.

"yeah! did you want to spend it with m-" you begin to ask, only for the voice of your boss to cut through your words.

"(y/n), i'm so sorry to interrupt, but i have an order that needs delivery before the lunch hour ends? could you do it for me? they're promising to tip well!" sara asks apologetically. you wave her worries off with your hand and smile.

"of course! i ca-" you begin, but diluc hastily interrupts you.

"if you do not mind, i would gladly deliver the order for the two of you."

sara turns to look at diluc and finally seems to process who your guest is. she gapes slightly before plastering an award-winning customer service smile on her face, but the concern in her eyes cannot be fully removed.

"master diluc, i couldn't possibly impose upon your time-" she politely declines.

"consider it a commission for the adventurer's guild. i am a member, after all." diluc's words leave little for her to argue against and, relieved, sara nods and scuttles off to continue taking orders. you glance at sara's retreating figure before looking back at diluc with an amused expression. his ruby gaze is already fixated on you, yet you pay it no mind.

"trying to take my tip, huh, ragnvindr?" you tease and diluc's eyes widen as he blinks owlishly at you. he sputters over his words slightly before shaking his head.

"oh, do you mean from the order?" he asks. "no, i just wish to assist you anyway i can."

you tilt your head slightly in confusion and pause in the cutting of the vegetables in front of you, absentmindedly sliding the current slices to the side of the cutting board. "what other tip could i have met?"

diluc stares at your befuddled, innocent expression and sighs. "do you have the order details?"

the abrupt change in conversation serves to distract you as you hand him the paper. you fail to actually notice the way the finger tips of his gloves singe where they meet the paper in his embarrassment. diluc's cheeks burn red as you wish him good luck on the order.

"be sure to come back afterwards! i'll wait to take my lunch break just for you and i'll save you a sticky honey roast!" you promise and diluc nods before assuring you that he'll be back as soon as possible. you watch as the familiar red ponytail disappears into the crowd, only to be snapped out of your thoughts by your boss clearing her throat.

"so, you and diluc, huh?" she asks slyly, causing you to look at her in confusion.

"huh? diluc and i are just friends."

"yeah, mhm. totally believable," sara says sarcastically. "i haven't spoken to him much, but the poor guy was staring at you as if you put the stars in the sky."

"haha, i think he's cute and sweet, but i don't think he'd ever like me back," you confess. "he's nice to everyone, right?"

sara stares at you. "i've never actually seen him willingly converse with anyone unless he needs something from them."

"oh. i guess that just means i'm a lucky friend, then!" you chirp. sara continues to stare at you and you smile in response.

"when he finally asks you out, let me know so i can say that i told you so," sara says before slipping away once more, leaving you confused. diluc ragnvindr is a charming gentleman and your best friend in mondstadt, but there's no way he likes you back, right? you look nervously down at the cutting board. right?!

kaeya

"when lisa walks in, pretend i'm your boyfriend."

the cavalry captain's words have you sitting straight up in your seat, eyebrows nearly flying off your face with how high you raise them. the cup of tea in your hand wavers slightly, surface rippling with the same uncertainty you're already feeling in your stomach.

"what?" you ask a frantic-looking kaeya, who awkwardly hovers in the middle of your office before hastily darting over to your desk chair and making himself at home.

"we're dating now. not actually. but yes, actually, if lisa asks. just go with it," kaeya insists.

you hear a pair of heels clicking down the hall and you lean back on the couch, smirking as you glance between the open doorway and a nervous kaeya.

"what's in it for me?" you challenge. kaeya looks at you in a silent plea, clasping his hands together in a mock prayer. desperation coats his face, the kind you haven't seen since the two of you were kids and he'd plead for you to buy him snacks from good hunter whenever he forgot his weekly allowance from crepus.

"my undying affection?" he tries and you make a face of disgust as you look at him. before kaeya can feign hurt, the noise of someone clearing their throat from the doorway causes both of you to freeze, glancing over at the culprit with wide eyes. in all of her glory, the librarian stands with a sly smirk on her face.

"my my, an office rendezvous? how scandalous," lisa giggles before focusing solely on you, vibrant eyes scanning your expression like the most attentive of hawks.

"uh, hi, lisa!" you greet rather awkwardly. "what's... the occasion... for your visit?"

you glance over at kaeya, who pointedly stares back, expression silently screaming for you to continue the act. you nod before glancing back at lisa, whose eyes flit between the two of you.

"some mail that i believe belongs to you was accidentally sorted to the library's mailbox. i figured it would be nice to stretch my legs and pay you a visit, wouldn't you say?"

"oh. just... leave it on my desk, please!" you chirp to the best of your ability. "thank you!"

you feel as though you've been scolded, despite no harsh words being exchanged. you silently double-check in your head that you don't have any overdue books, not wanting an actual reason to get on the intimidating librarian's bad side.

"are you sure you're not just using this as an excuse to visit jean?" kaeya accuses and lisa smirks smugly.

"and if i am? you seem more than comfortable visiting your partner, but i suppose that's how new lovebirds always act around each other," lisa muses, walking over to your desk and dropping the letters on the oak wood in front of kaeya. she lingers before him in an attempt to read his perfect poker face. unable to find anything, she turns away and smiles widely at you.

"apologies for interrupting your date, even if it should be work time for the both of you. i fall asleep at my desk all the time, so i suppose this isn't that different," she laughs before trailing over to the doorway. "congrats on finally asking (y/n) out, kaeya! after all, it's nice to no longer need to hear about your pining for them on my lunch br-"

kaeya clears his throat dramatically. "thank you, lisa!" his words are forceful and dismissive, but the librarian is nonplussed, letting out a laugh in response. "the acting grand master is next door, in case you forgot the location of her office."

lisa's gaze flits between you and kaeya before another fit of giggles escape her and she walks out the door, heels clicking down the hallway once more. upon deeming it safe to do so, you turn towards kaeya.

"i know how you can repay me," you say, eyes narrowing as you look at a now-uncharacteristically sheepish kaeya, who seems to be looking anywhere but you. "why don't you tell me why i had to pretend to be your date? and that lisa says you have been pining for me?"

"haha oh boy, look at the time!" kaeya deflects by gesturing to the small clock on your desk. "it's time to feed the horses! i have to go, i certainly can't let them starve."

"varka took all of the hor-" you begin, but kaeya is already hellbent on leaving, nearly bolting out of the door before you can finish your words. you look down at the porcelain teacup in your hand and stare at the liquid inside as your mind desperately tries to catch up.

kaeya likes you? as in like likes you? as in 'in love enough to go bother the librarian for advice' likes you? you sigh. sure, he was one of your oldest friends, but you didn't like him like that, right? certainly not... but if not, why is your heartbeat beginning to skip a beat at the thought of him actually asking you out.

oh, barbatos. you silently curse before setting the teacup down on the tray before you and running a hand across your face. at least wait until i get my explanation from kaeya, you instruct yourself, but your mind has no intention of waiting, heat blossoming to your cheeks as kaeya alberich begins to plague your thoughts.

zhongli

due to issues with maintenance in your apartment, you found yourself needing a place to stay for a few days. zhongli, one of your closest friends in liyue, insisted you stay at his own apartment for free, rather than paying to crash at a hotel for a few nights. initially, you had declined, until he had mentioned having a guest bedroom and the fact that you had paid for dinner the last three times you had gone out together. it was his method of paying you back, which was a far more reliable method of payment than expecting him to have mora on hand.

for a man who consistently seemed to not have any mora on him, his apartment was far nicer than you expected and far nicer than your own. with how nice the furniture was, you understood why he never seemed to have money leftover for your restaurant rendezvous together. nonetheless, you were simply grateful to have a place to sleep, especially once for free. the first few days were calm, with zhongli proving to be a surprisingly decent chef and preparing breakfast with tea for the both of you every morning. even if you attempted to wake up earlier than him, he seemed to have a sixth sense towards your plans and always beat you towards the punch.

by the fifth day, you gave up trying, instead choosing to sleep in a bit before waking up. however, the soft noise of quieted, muffled voices down the hall greets you upon waking up, leaving you perplexed. with no choice to but to exit the apartment through the living room, where the voices were surely coming from, you swallow your fear and get ready for the day, praying that zhongli's guest will leave before you finish.

much to your chagrin, they don't. however, it's zhongli's guest. while he is a well-respected figure within liyue, zhongli saves his time for those he truly cares about. you believe yourself lucky to be included, but the only peculiar choice of friend that you think zhongli has is childe, the harbinger who nearly destroyed the city. nonetheless, a friend of zhongli's is a friend of your own, even if you know your sudden appearance will be awkward. you trudge down the hallway, making your footsteps slightly louder than normal and the voices fall silent.

you enter the living room to see the familiar, calm smile of zhongli and the unfamiliar, piercing gaze of a green-haired man you've never seen before.

"good morning, (y/n)," zhongli greets. "would you care for some tea?"

strangely, zhongli makes no move to introduce you to the guest. you can only manage to nod, not sure of what else to say. the aura of the guest is a sharp contrast to the familiar one of zhongli's, but when you finally muster the courage to sneak a glance at him again, you notice the guest studying the floor with flushed cheeks, seemingly flustered.

zhongli urges for you to sit down with them and you take a seat near zhongli, preferring to stick closer to him than the stranger.

"mor- zhongli," the man corrects himself. "i did not know you had a romantic partner."

the words are blunt and you immediately feel mortification at the stranger's misunderstanding of the situation, worried that you might have embarrassed zhongli with your appearance. however, your friend doesn't seem to mind and instead pours you a cup of tea.

"xiao, this is (y/n). (y/n), this is xiao, an old friend of mine. he's here this morning because he needed to retrieve something from me," zhongli explains, while making absolutely zero effort to clarify the fact that this stranger, supposedly named xiao, seems to think that you and zhongli are in a romantic relationship, especially one serious enough for you to be spending your time at zhongli's apartment, potentially even living with him.

"there are other duties i must attend to," xiao says, still quite flustered by your sudden appearance. "thank you, zhongli."

xiao glances at you as if he wants to say something, but chooses not to and instead slips out of the doorway. the air between you is stiff and zhongli and now, without xiao as a third party, you sit awkwardly close to your friend. friend. right. that's all it is. you reassure yourself.

despite the awkwardness you feel, zhongli seems to feel none of it, choosing to blow lightly on his tea before taking a sip.

"i steeped the tea overnight." he breaks the silence. "i believe that it delivers a much more thorough blend of flavors when you do so, especially for tea of this variety."

you stare at him. "zhongli," you ask. "why did you not correct xiao?"

zhongli looks at you, amber eyes gleaming with amusement. "perhaps i wish for his misunderstandings to be true."

you nearly drop the cup of tea in shock, heat rushing to your face as a steady hand of zhongli's reaches underneath the cup to help stabilize it, his skin warm against your hands that it brushes against. you pause, trying to justify his words in your head, as if they are platonic and you misunderstood, but you can't bring yourself to rationalize it as being just friendly.

"nonetheless, i do wish for you to be comfortable and i enjoy your companionship, so if you do not return my feelings, rest assured that i am content with remaining as just your friend as well."

you had never really thought of zhongli in a romantic sense. sure, the two of you could talk for hours, especially when it came to nuances of subjects that seemed insignificant to everyone but the two of you. sure, he had proven himself to have a lovely home and proven himself to be a good host. sure, he had proven himself to be kind, loyal, and almost charming.

you attempt to think of the downsides of dating zhongli. he awaits for you to respond patiently, gaze gentle as he understands you thinking over the proposition.

"could we start with a date first?" you ask sheepishly and zhongli breaks out into a smile.

"of course. where would you like to go?"

#pls interact if u liked this! this one took me a while lol #genshin impact x reader #diluc x reader #kaeya x reader #zhongli x reader #axia.7k #axia.writing #writing.7k #writing.zhongli #writing.diluc #writing.kaeya

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timbertumbr · 3 years

Text

Perspective (Ninjago Kai X Reader) Requested

Here you are anon! Sorry if it isn't a Ninja you prefer-

Might have some spoilers if you don't know who Misako is.

DEFINITE spoilers to the end of season 2.

"Your ability is powerful. But to gain people's trust you need to break their perspective about you. Some may see your gift as an ability capable of destruction and chaos which makes them fear you. Others, myself included, may see your gift as a way to help make the world a better place. So, sugar or cream?" This. The very words that convinced you to join the Ninjas side and the very words you desperately hold onto during your lowest moments.

It's all about perspective. No matter how many times you've helped the Ninja save the city, some people still don't trust you. Kai especially. The hot head and the "looks" of the team according to him.

He's always been one to jump into action and ask questions later. Always been the type of person to jump to conclusions and hold onto them for dear life.

While he may be the most skeptical of the group, doesn't mean most of the ninja didn't treat you with the same skepticism as Kai.

The only people that seem to trust you these days are Sensei Wu, Misako, Zane, and Lloyd.

Speaking of Misako, you were currently helping her with her latest archeological find while the Ninja were on a mission per her instruction.

"Tiny pickaxe,"

"Got it,"

"Fossil brush,"

"Here ya go,"

"Trowel,"

"Ace of spades, you win," Misako chuckled at the lame joke. You peer over her shoulder while she works.

"What do you think it is?"

"Well, if it's been stuck in the walls of a heavily guarded chamber for thousands of years, it has to either be something valuable, powerful, or both," You hum in acknowledgment before a loud thud echoed the room, making Misako jump and drop the tiny pickaxe. It fell to the floor as the two of you turned to the door to see the Ninja covered in soot and torn clothes.

"YOU! YOU TRICKED US!" Kai yells, storming into the room and pointing an accusing finger towards you.

"Huh?"

"Don't 'huh' us! You know exactly what you did!" Jay chipped in. Zane looked back and forth at his teammates.

"Perhaps it would be wise to freshen up and rest. A near-death experience can-"

"NOT NOW ZANE!" Kai yells. Cole grimaces, inhaling sharply through his teeth before backing out of the room.

"Kai please-"

"HOW CAN YOU ALL BE SO BLIND?! THEY TRICKED US INTO GOING INTO THAT DEATH TRAP AND YOU'RE TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN?!" Kai cuts Lloyd off, absolutely furious.

"Kai-"

"No! They PLANNED this! They wanted us to go in blind to get rid of us! They should've never been invited to the team in the first place and stay in their little evil lair! Once a demon, always a demon," The room went completely silent as Lloyd looked at Kai like he was the dumbest person alive.

"I… I'm… going to get some air," You mumbled before swiftly walking past them and onto the deck of the bounty.

"Kai. I get it, you're angry. But that was literally the DUMBEST thing that ever came out of your mouth," Lloyd grumbles.

"Wha-"

"Lloyd is right. Saying someone never changes is inaccurate. Lloyd is a perfect example of this," Zane chips in.

"And Garmadon. Well, he was originally good, then bad, then good again, but the point is he did change. Multiple times!" Jay points out, feeling a tad guilty for snapping at you.

"And Y/N wasn't the one who told us to go there, my mother did," Misako nods.

"He's right. And if I had known how dangerous it was, I wouldn't have sent you. Y/N as well, no matter how much you perceive them as the villain," Kai looked around and realized he was in the wrong and knew what he had to do.

"Fine, I messed up. I'll apologize," Kai grumbles, leaving the room. They then turned their attention to Jay who looked nervous.

"Okay! Fine! I messed up too! I'll go make an apology gift!" He scrambles out of the room while the trio looked at each other proudly.

____________

You leaned on the bounty looking down at Ninjago city. You were contemplating if you should just pack your bags and leave if that's what they want. You didn't even consider joining till Sensei Wu said his piece.

Kai's words were the straw that broke the camel's back. While contemplating, you realized you did very little to help the team. Why did Wu want you again? For your potential?

Nodding to yourself, you turn around to start packing when you see Kai approaching you. You frown upon seeing his conflicted expression.

"Uh… hey?" -_- Really Kai? That's what made you so conflicted. Shaking your head, you begin walking.

"Hey, where are you going?" Kai asks, confused.

"Leaving," You respond curtly, Kai follows you with a raised brow.

"Well, can you at least hear me out?"

"I don't want to hear it," Kai was taken aback by how cold you were being. You're usually friendly and patient with everyone, even if they are skeptical. Kai's guilt started to swallow him whole, he caused this.

"Please?" It was a feeble attempt, one that was said just above a whisper and so upset that you'd think a child said it. You pause and sigh, turning around to face the hothead, a sign for him to get on with it.

"Look, I'm sorry for what I said and I have no excuse for it. It was… out of line..." Kai muttered, looking at his feet.

"Okay," You turn on your heel and continue walking while Kai stares at you in shock.

"Wait, where are you going?!" Kai asks, confused and a little scared.

"I already told you that I'm leaving, for good," Kai's eyes widened in realization, you were leaving the team.

"WHAT?! No, you can't!"

"First you want me to leave then you want me to stay, can't you make up your mind FOR ONCE?!" You snapped, turning to face him with tears brimming around your eyes.

"Hey, I said I was sorry, didn't I?!" Kai snaps back.

"An apology doesn't just fix everything! I'm done! I'm done being treated like I just murdered someone every day, no matter what I do to show that I'm not what people think I am! I'm done being defined by my abilities that I didn't even ask for! I'm done…" You couldn't stop the emotions and the tears from flooding, once you started you couldn't stop. You wipe at your eyes in a feeble attempt to stop the tears while Kai stared, his guilt consumed him and then some.

"Y/N," He called out, gaining your attention. He extended a hand, a small flame erupting from his palm and waving wildly, a symbol of both their current emotions.

"'Perspective is everything.' That's what Wu said. Some may see this fire as a cause for pain, destruction, and chaos. But to others it warms a house on a winter's night, it's a signal to let those know you need help.

It's more than just a little flame. And I should've been seeing you the same way. There are good and bad qualities in every person. I've been obsessing over the bad because of my perspective on you. When I should've been looking at both your good traits and flaws equally.

You said ‘an apology doesn't fix everything,’ right. Well, then what about a thank you? Thank you for being so patient. Thank you for putting up with this for so long even though you didn't deserve it. Thank you for being strong, brave, and kind. Thank you…" Kai trailed off, looking down at the ground in embarrassment while putting out the fire. You stared at him in amazement.

"Ah, that got… long," He muttered. You snicker and then start laughing.

"Th-That's the most thoughtful thing since I got here… and the smartest," You half-joked, earning a playful glare while he smirked.

"Thank you, Kai," He merely shrugged.

"Yeah, yeah. What are friends for?" You perked up at his words.

"I'm your friend?"

"Well, now you are. Only if you want to though," You smiled.

"I'd love to be your friend Kai,"

"Aww, maaaaan! How am I gonna top that?!" You and Kai turn to see Jay holding a box while muttering to himself. The two of you burst out laughing. It'll take time to repair/make the bonds of friendship, but with a new friend by your side, you're sure to gain the rest of the team's trust.

#Kai X Reader #Kai Smith X Reader #Ninjago X Reader #Ninja X Reader #Ninjago #Lego Ninjago #Ninjago Masters of Spinjitzu #Lego

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latimeria-fell-from-heaven · 3 years

Text

Hi! A barely get to see a tohma writers so can you make Tohma x a reader that is his best friend and they’re basically a dummy duo together and start to share feelings for one another.

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞

𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: tohma

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: the two of you practically put team rocket to shame with how much mischief the two of you cause, and that's why tohma really likes you.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬): some cursing

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫: gender-neutral/ not mentioned

𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠: guy.exe ー superfruit

hehe, chaotic babies go brrr

tried to fix up my writing style a bit so it sounds prettier, and it's really crappy, but i hope this was to your liking!

Y'know the saying that Team Rocket says? " Prepare for trouble, and make it double!" Yup, that pretty much sums up you and Tohma just nicely. Of course without the whole stealing Pokémon thing.

You and Tohma can and will do the dumbest shit ever, and it usually ends with the two of you cackling at the outcome, either at each other or the chaos you brought. And then the two of you end up fleeing so you don't get into a shitload of trouble.

Poor Ayaka gets a headache just hearing about the shenanigans the two of you caused. Her brother Ayato merely shakes his head and ushers her away so he can sort out the mess.

It's your daily routine to do at least one dumb thing with Tohma. He's your partner in crime for crying out loud! You can't carry out your dumbness without him, and Tohma can agree with that!

Tohma didn't exactly know when he started to get so flushed around you. It just...happened one day. The two of you were just strolling about, and he had just told one of his usually corny jokes, and it was so bad that it was funny. The peals of laughter that fell from your lips made his heart beat faster, but it felt...good?

Just being around you is enough to send his heart into a frenzy, and it's harder for him to lie about his cheeks getting redder and redder. He just passes it off as your previous activities leaving him exhilarated is all. Tohma isn't completely lacking all of his brain cells, however. He knows that what's he feeling is love, and oh boy does it hit him hard.

You, on the other hand, had always thought Tohma was pretty cute and fun to be around, but lately, he's become even more attractive and lovable in your eyes. He's become the apple of your eye, someone that you've begun to cherish more than a friend. Every time he shows off that goofy grin, you have to hide your face, otherwise, he'll see what a heated and embarrassing mess he's made you. Who let him be this hot anyway?!

At this point, your shared daily mischiefs are starting to resemble dates. Any outsider would think so, especially with how you both staring longingly when the other isn't looking. It's honestly endearing and frustrating to watch. Just ask each other out for christ's sake!

In your opinion, you thought that it was a wonderful thing to fall in love with someone.

It was a nice feeling, really, it made your heart feel like it could burst at any moment around Tohma, your stomach would be filled with butterflies at the thought of him, and you could think up anything that the two of you could do as a couple, like holding hands. It was enough to make you slam your head against your desk in embarrassment.

" You dummy," you whispered out.

It lingered in the still air.

Oh really, Tohma would the death of you.

Why does he have to be such an idiot and not realize how much you like him?

Perhaps a simple love letter would do?

Yes, you've always wanted to write one, and it's quite the romantic gesture to do. You can feel your ego swelling up like a balloon already.

When your pen almost meets the crisp paper, it clicks in your head.

You don't have an ounce of romantic words in your brain.

一ah.

Tohma really thought that you were incredibly cute. The way you carried yourself in such carefree fashion, being able to come up with such short notice ideas, and running around like a child on a sugar rush alongside him.

They say the longer you wait to become someone your lover, the more you lose your grip on them until they become someone else's. Tohma didn't want that.

He wanted to be your boyfriend

Even if he couldn't be your lover, then at least he could be happy just staying by your side.

Yes, that would be enough, but right now, not enough for him to be satisfied. Tohma considered himself to be a patient enough man, but he couldn't wait any longer.

He'd tell you he loved you more than anything else in the world.

His feelings would come bursting out to you eventually.

Like a torrent, like a cloudburst.

To his partner in crime.

His beloved ( name ).

#submission #genshin impact x reader #tohma x reader #thoma x reader

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21u004 · 3 years

Text

stitched in silence / geto suguru / march 20th, 2021

“hey,” geto calls out to you from behind, and you don’t bother to face his way. how could you when all you’ve been doing these past few days is be prideful and avoid him after—that?

maybe that’s the problem—you’re a little too prideful for your own good; a little too stubborn to let your walls down and finally hear him out after days of escaping as soon as he comes into your line of view.

and you think it’s stupid; that little duality of yours. how one moment you’re hearing out everyone’s opinions and then in the other, you’re drowning them out, either because you think you’re in the right, or you know you’re wrong but not admitting it because all you’d have left is your pride, in short words, scared of the truth.

maybe if you’d let your pride down first before anything else, it wouldn’t be the only thing left with you.

then again, whether you put it down or not, they still leave. it’s better to have something than nothing at all.

suguru doesn’t hear a response from you or see one either for him, when all you’re doing is petting the black cat in front of you.

it’s the same cat he’s been so envious of, always being able to get your attention and showered with affection. at that moment, he figures he’s just as childish at you too, and it relieves him.

he’s found someone like him, and yet still so different, because you’ve always been so open to everything and yet closed at some times. it’s difficult to understand you, built with complicated little puzzle pieces, but suguru’s willing to spend hours, days or years trying to figure you out.

“um… about… last week,” he starts, taking a seat beside you on the staircase. he’s still a bit hesitant, afraid to just unintentionally push you away once again if a wrong word slips out of his mouth and he’ll just have missed another opportunity to mend things back together between you and have more time spent with you.

he puts his hand down from his nape, watching you quietly coo at the cat, giving it gentle rubs on its fluffy head and body. it’s laughable; him being jealous over a cat, but then he assumes you’ve felt the same way too, and he’s right.

“i’m sorry if you thought that i—” and before he even gets to finish his sentence, you’re interrupting his little apology, with an assumption that it’s another one of those pitiful sorry’s that nearly everyone’s heard so much every day from him from how many people are head over heels for him and unfortunately, the feeling not being mutual.

“of course you are.”

your fingers stop grazing themselves over the cat’s fur, and instead of it trying to get you back at it again, it leaves as if it sensed the growing tension between you and suguru.

“you’re geto suguru,” you begin, putting your hands back onto your lap, clenching both your jaw and your fist, desperately trying not to be so vulnerable, despite having known each other for who knows how long. “you’re—you’re just so unapologetically yourself, it’s annoying. you’re too—kind, considerate, too polite and too gentle with others that it’s frustrating.”

“it’s frustrating because i can’t seem to—” you don’t dare say it, not because of pride. if anything, you’d like to say it out loud but you feel the words stuck in your throat as if there’s some barrier between it and your mouth keeping the words from leaving you.

say it, and that’s one less person that cherishes you exceptionally, and that’s horrible because there’s barely anyone left who cherishes you as much as he does.

it’s pointless though since you probably already lost him after last week.

you’re vibrating in your seat, wanting to go home and be held and be vulnerable and cry. it’s childish, but you try to tell yourself it’s not and that everyone has to be a little bit emotional at times to let go or accept certain things.

in this case, let go of your pride, and accept the rejection that’s coming your way, then be told it’s okay, that nothing’s going to change and he’s going to stay, and be cradled in—his—arms.

who would have thought that even confessions and rejections could be so—dramatic?

but well, it’s you. you can’t help feeling your emotions to its core; you can’t help letting it all pour out of your little heart and into the world.

perhaps that’s one of the reasons suguru love you so much; how you find love in the littlest corners of the world and let it bleed through you and give it all away. and you don’t realize that he does because you’re too busy worrying and hammering unwanted thoughts into your head.

“sorry,” standing up, you wipe your own tears away with the back of your hands, as strings of apologies (that suguru assumes what he should be doing instead of you) thread the air. “this is, this is stupid and childish. i’m sorry you had to deal with this for so long. i’m going, it’s better that way. i’m sorry.”

you want to leave, but a part of you is telling you to stay. and if you couldn’t choose or make up your mind between those, then suguru was going to choose for you again, like every other time you and satoru chose him as a moral compass.

and geto wants you to stay.

he always has. you’re just too scared to face it—to face him. you could face anything but him, since you’re so afraid of letting him see you without rose-tinted glasses.

you’re afraid that he’s going to abandon you despite getting reassured plenty times that he never will.

you’re afraid that he’s going to be like everyone else.

so he takes your wrist before you step any farther, and his skin’s heat contrasts with yours.

“let go.”

“hear me out.”

and for a moment of weakness, you sit back down, three steps away from where he sat.

he could leave you be, at least you’re not too far, but he chooses to sit next to you and wipe your tears away.

when you don’t stop him, relief showers over him.

he’s careful with you, slowly and gently drying your tears with his handkerchief, patting it lightly on your cheeks.

he’s close, dangerously close to you. his breath’s warm against you, and he smells a lot like cool mint. it’s not helping you from trying to move on from him, because he’s so annoyingly and unapologetically himself, and his true self is this.

still, you don’t try to pry away from him, and neither does he with you because all you each want is to be close to each other again after what felt like weeks.

“get straight to the point,” you croak once he backs away from your face.

“the feeling’s mutual,” he says, smiling at the ground, then at you.

he better be kidding.

“it’s not funny. quit fooling around with me,” you breathe in heavily, feeling somewhere between scared, nervous, and happy.

“i’m not.”

“this! this is why i want to leave. because you keep joking with me when i’m serious—”

“accept it,” he wraps a hand around your arm, and he’s so, so close to you again. he could be teasing you, but the tone of his voice is telling you that he’s just as serious as you are.

it all runs back to you, the little comments about you that shove your insecurities back on your shoulders to carry. “…why? why me?”

suguru sighs and lets go of the tight grip on your arm. he’s got a bunch of reasons—well, contributors to that list, but he doesn’t really know the main reason why. so he replies, simple and honest, “just because.”

you were the one who told him that too anyway. how someone doesn’t have to have a reason why they love someone else.

you want to kick him on his shin so badly and say he’s being playful again with you because he always has been, but you can’t sense a single inch of it. he’s actually serious.

“you—that’s the dumbest decision you’ve ever made,” you spit out, panting heavily after holding your breath for so long. “you’re trying to ruin your life.”

having always been understanding, instead of feeling irritated at your counter, his eyes soften at the look of disappointment outlined in your features. who hurt you and why?

it’s going to take him longer to piece you together, but it’s okay. suguru’s got plenty of patience for you. after all, he’s going to be in it for the long run.

“it’s not,” he whispers.

murmuring a small ‘what’, you get pulled into his chest. it’s warm and comforting, with his hand patting your back gently, and the icing on the cake is hearing his steady pulse.

he’s alive, and he’s with you out of everyone in the world.

he’s unable to make out words and tell you everything he wants to say to reassure you that you’re so much more than what you think you are, that you’re deserving of the same love you give away and so much more than that, that you’re too valuable to be discarded so easily or just thrown away at that. so hopefully, this was enough.

hopefully, even without words, you hear him.

#unedited #jjk x reader #jjk hurt/comfort #geto suguru x reader #jjk

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well-its-not-human-anymore · 3 years

Note

I’m obsessed with the idea of having a soulmate that is perfectly made for you! Could you do something with Donnie x reader who is so eccentric and free spirited but they have words of the first thing their soulmates will say to them and they end up being soulmates? If that makes sense lol :). If you get confused I give you 100% free liberty to do anything you want! Thank you so much 🥰🥰

Ooohh I love this and made my brain crack out on it 😁😁😁 Hope you love it!!!

TMNT Oneshot's

Donnie's gotta soulmate

‘What is a soulmate?’ is probably the most searched question on the internet since the internet became a thing. And there is genuine curiosity surrounding that question, much like the purpose of life, it goes relatively unanswered and because of this people regard the idea of soulmates as something inherently evil. Something other. Since childhood you’ve found both this concept and its theories rather hilarious, you figure that if the universe wanted to fuck us over it would just throw a meteor at us and start over. A little Big Bang 2.0 if you will.

Some people are so ridiculously afraid of the concept of another half that they marry someone who is most definitely not their intended. Your parents are some of those people. Your parents are also the reason that you moved out of the house the second you saw a chance for freedom. Now you’ll admit, living in an upscale college dorm is not at all where you thought you’d be at this point in your life, but you’re not entirely mad about it. The debt isn't too bad and the city is beautiful, maybe not to the locals, but when you grow up in rural Minnesota, the big city is sure to impress.

Perhaps your favorite part was that no one thought you were weird whenever you went about your normal life, while chucking frozen peas at ducks would have earned you more than a few stares back home, here passerby simply looked on. Weirder things had happened in New York after all.

You figured that out the hard way.

The walk back to your dorm after a 9pm class always landed you in the same spot, the shitty apartment building rooftop. It was a genuine wonder that you hadn’t been kidnapped or murdered yet. But sitting there just made you feel so centered, so at home, like the sky would descend to wrap you in a cosmic hug. The glow of the streetlights distracted you from the sunset and the noise of the bustling city below made you oblivious to the enormous figure making its way towards you.

Donnie was so fucking DONE with this toaster. It didn’t matter how many times he fixed it or added a new wire or panel, the damn thing just wouldn’t stay fixed. It was one of the few things he’d ever given up on, and it was pissing him off on a whole new level. Not a level that Leo or Splinter would’ve liked, of course, because it was this level of complete and total ‘fuck this bullshit’ that sent him storming right past a civilian minding their own business and smashing the toaster down into the darkness of the alleyway.

His heart didn’t just skip a beat when he noticed you there. It went full tilt like a child jazzed up on mountain dew dancing to Cotton Eye Joe. Donnie feared that if it beat any faster it would vibrate into the next dimensional plane and disappear forever. It sure felt like that would be his end. Your eyes had locked and it became a staring contest between himself and you, both open-mouthed and panicking.

Ever have that habit of saying the absolute dumbest shit when you’re panicked?

“If this is my life then God is gonna be an imperialist piñata in a hot fucking minute.”

The answer is yes.

Luckily for you the universe chose very well.

“He can join my toaster if you want. I’ve got no objections.”

Silence was your only companion as you both watched the words just spoken scrawl across your forearms like ink from a quill, all you could do was stare in disbelief. Donnie felt like he was on the verge of catastrophic heart failure when you finally spoke again.

“You know it’s not the shell that pisses me off, I just wish I said something way cooler.”

The purple clad turtle in question sighed in return, “How do you think I feel?”

Oh how you loved it when people gave you openings for bad jokes.

“Probably a lot like that toaster.”

An audible groan sent you into a fit of laughter and you had to cover your mouth to reign yourself in before what remained of your common sense flew away forever. Donnie was analyzing you now, the shock still hadn’t worn off but his heart rate had slowed enough for him to finally look you over, he wasn’t shocked at your appearance, just that you were definitely human. You were having the same thoughts as he was, just slightly altered.

“Soooo quick question?”

He broke his gaze and tilted his head at you.

“Are you a turtle or a tortoise? Or... neither?”

It was his turn to smile and he even snorted a little in pure amusement, grateful that you hadn’t said something else.

“Technically I’m a terrapin.”

Your grin could’ve lit up the whole block, you shuffled to your feet and dusted yourself off, offering him your hand.

“I’m Y/N.”

His hand was massive in yours.

“Shocking to meet you, I’m Donatello.”

That brilliant smile turned mischievous.

“Oh I’ve got so many bad jokes that I’m not gonna make.”

Guess who just learned how to use the Keep Reading button???? Yes I am as proud of myself as I sound 😁🧡

Enjoy!

-Mars 🌠

#tmnt bayverse #tmnt headcanons #tmnt x reader #tmnt oneshots #tmnt donatello #ask response #askbox #writing requests #prompt submissions

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softomi · 3 years

Text

And The Best Boyfriend Award Goes To....

Nominee One: Suna Rintarou

Dreadful, that’s how you felt. You moved slowly, you slumped into your seat, you groaned. Your boyfriend wasn’t even paying attention to you. He was simply resting on his desk, head buried in his arms but you knew that he was listening. He just always liked to pretend like he couldn’t hear your whining.

“I don’t want to be here! Babe.” You’re calling to him.

He finally looked at you, “What’s wrong?” He still rested his head on his arms, you were following his actions. Your head resting on the desk as you looked at your boyfriend; wishing for once he could give you some sympathy.

You were pouting, “Mother nature visited me.” It was short, sweet, one of the closest ways you could address your period without actually saying it.

“Well, what’d she say?” You almost throw your stuff at him; only he would ever ask a question like this.

“She said I’m not pregnant.” A sigh escaped your mouth, sure this was supposed to be good news for him and you but it’s not fun when you’re the only one suffering.

“Well.” He quirks a brow at you, “Isn’t that a good thing?” He thinks he’s funny but he wasn’t to you.

You turn your head to look away from him, a groan on your lips, “Ugh, you’re the worst boyfriend ever. I’m dating a robot.”

You were talking with some of your girl friends, some were also going through their own time of the month and could empathize with you. They ranted on how their own boyfriends were just as bad as yours; perhaps some of the others were just a tad bit worse.

“Ow.” A chocolate bar bounces off your head, landing right in front of you. When you turn, you see your boyfriend standing with his hand in his pockets, “What was that for?”

“Stop telling everyone I’m the worst boyfriend.” He hands you another chocolate bar but this time it’s one filled with almonds. He pats your head, one of the only actions he’d actually do in front of people. He walks away as he hears the group of girls coo, a blush on his cheeks when he hears you flaunting your boyfriend.

You’re smiling, taking bits of the chocolate to eat as your friends whine about jealousy. That’s how it started.

Nominee Two: Miya Atsumu

He had just heard about what Suna did, he felt betrayed. Now he had to go above and beyond for you; you who was mad at him because when you snapped at him accidentally, he told you to chill because you were on your period. He was thinking, he was wondering, just what beats chocolates?

“My love.” He was trying to butter you up with his sweet words, “I’m sorry.”

You hum, “You heard about Suna didn’t you?” You shrug his hand from your arm, “Don’t try and include me in your dick measuring contest. You’re still the worst.”

You ignored him for the rest of the school day, even during lunch when he tried to pick at your food, you swatted his hand away. He was practically pouting the entire day, shooting daggers at Suna who had his partner snuggled right up to him. He missed your hugs.

“It’s Atsumu.” Osamu had burst into your club meeting, sweat trailing down his forehead, calling you for an emergency.

You rushed behind the male as you two made it to the gym; Atsumu was on the ground, holding a hand to his chest as you came to his side. You were panicking, “Tsumu, are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t.” He’s coughing until suddenly he stopped, his hand gripping the back of your neck as he pulled you down to meet his lips, “I can’t live without your kiss.”

Needless to say, you slapped him across the face; storming out of the gymnasium as he ran behind you. You were on the verge of tears when he pulled you to look at him.

“You’re the absolute worst, do you know that.” You hit his chest, “I thought you were actually hurt.”

“But you’re talking to me now.” He’s smiling, “Look, I got you this.” He’s pulling a rose out from behind him, “It’s a secret though, I snagged it from the garden club’s rose bushes. They banned me after the last time I stole their tulips for you.” He watches your eyes soften with the rose, “Am I forgiven? Am I the best boyfriend now?”

You take the rose from him, “Fine, but as consequence, you need to snap a video of you buying pads, chocolates, and flowers to all the members of the volleyball club.”

Nominee Three: Miya Osamu

Club activities weren’t over but you watched as Atsumu and his girlfriend reconciled out in the courtyard. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t jealous, you had heard about his stupid plan from your own boyfriend. You didn’t think she would actually fall for that; but as your own boyfriend approached you in the hall, you told yourself you weren’t going to fall for his sweetness.

“Hey, don’t walk away from me.” Osamu follows behind you, “You still mad?”

“I don’t know, are you still stupid?” Yes, you were still angered and annoyed. He invited you to go swimming over the weekend but when you told him you were on your period, he told you to just hold it in. It wasn't the dumbest thing he’s ever said to you but the fact was that he wasn’t considerate enough when you tried to explain that girls just can’t hold it in; instead he high fived his bros as if it was a joke.

“How many times are you gonna make me say sorry?” He’s still following you.

You don’t even look back at him, “The fact that you have to ask means that it hasn’t been enough.”

He’s sighing, “What do you want? Flowers? Chocolates? A giant teddy bear? I’ll rob Atsumu for you.”

You were so close, so close to cracking a smile but you kept your composure; turning to him abruptly. For a second he thinks you’ll come running into his arms; heck, he’s even got his arms out ready for you.

“Go out into the courtyard, profess your undying love for me.” You coldly turn away.

You knew he wouldn’t do it, he was too reserved to be shouting professions of love out in the open for everyone to hear. Even when he confessed his feelings for you, he hid you between the corners of the library; handing you a love letter before scampering off shyly. But you didn’t know the extent his feelings of love reached, you didn’t know that he would literally do anything for you.

“Hey.” Your friend came running into the classroom, a large grin and giggle on her face, “There’s a crazy person out in the courtyard.” She looks at you, “He kind of looks like your boyfriend.”

Your heart drops, you’re running to the windows, opening them to see him proudly standing in the middle of the courtyard with a megaphone, “Can you hear me?”

Students have now gathered from all the windows, the crowd answers a screeching ‘yes’ to him.

“I love my girlfriend y/n.” He looks straight at you.

You’re blushing profoundly as he opens his mouth once more, a teacher comes running out of the building. Students are laughing as he’s being scolded by the teacher. You meet him when he comes out of the office, your hand tucked behind your back.

“You’re stupid.” You say to him, draping his arm over your shoulder. He puts a tight hold on you.

“For you I am.” He kisses your hair.

The Winner: Kita Shinsuke

Ah, young love. It made you want to laugh, the way the second years were running around the school trying to cease their lover’s anger. It also made you smile, the way your own boyfriend was bending backwards for his younger friends. The three stooges had all come to you one by one; of the three, Suna was definitely the only one who listened.

“Where’s Kita?”

One of your friends had come to visit you in the gymnasium, you looked up, the pencil in your hand tapped against your chin, “I think he’s at the office, Osamu got in trouble.”

“Typical of the second years.” Your friend mutters before she bids you a farewell.

It wasn’t long until he showed up, slight annoyance on his expression, “Sorry.”

You’re leaning forward, a grin on your lips, “No need. What happened with Osamu?”

Kita frowns, “He has to do a week of clean up duty after school, meaning we’ll be down a hitter for our practice match Friday.” He’s about to return to practice when he suddenly remembers, “Oh, here, I accidentally activated it on the way here.”

You take the small heat pack from him, the warmth taking over your palm, “What’s this for?”

“Your cramps.” He drapes his jacket over you, “If you put it in the pocket, you can use it to apply heat on where it hurts the most.”

You were blushing, your lips suddenly in a pout, “How perfect are you.” You’re opening your arms for him, inviting him for a hug to which he can’t refuse. You press a kiss onto his cheek, “Best boyfriend indeed.”

It’s the one time you’ll see his face go red, it’s as if he’s buffering for a second before going back to his normal stature. Composed, poised, and calm; he turns back to the team. His hands on his hips as he starts to give a lecture on how significant others shouldn’t be distracting the players from the game.

“But.” Suna raises a hand, “How come your girlfriend can come to our practice and ours can’t?”

Kita freezes, as the team looks back on you; your attempting to hide the growing smile on your face. He was definitely caught; it was true, technically you weren’t supposed to be in the gym.

The captain coughs, “She’s our unofficial manager, so she’s allowed to be here.”

“If that’s the case, my girlfriend’s the unofficial manager too.” The men snicker at the comment thrown into the crowd but their laughs suddenly cease when Kita steps forward.

“Ten laps around the school yard, everyone, now.”

#haikyuu x reader #atsumu x reader #osamu x reader #suna x reader #haikyuu scenarios #atsumu scenarios #osamu scenarios #kita x reader #suna scenarios #haikyuu #atsumu #osamu #suna #kita

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morosemagick · 3 years

Text

Meet me by the River Bend | Finan X Reader One-Shot

Warning: None

Words: 3919

Tagged: @osferth (thanks for that prompts list!!)

It's your favorite place in Wessex. This hidden river bend behind your home in Coccham. Most of the townspeople here don't realize it's back there. Deep enough for you to bathe, and hidden enough for you not to worry about men coming to spy on you.

It's your small touch of paradise.

You've been coming here for years now. When your daily chores are done and you're certain no one will need you, you sneak off to your special place. Sometimes you don't even bathe, just going by to dip your toes in and listen to the river's song. It's the best in the summertime when the water is its warmest and you can dress in your bare minimum while you waste your day doing whatever you choose.

You rather this simple life over anything else.

Until one day you notice someone has found your secret spot.

It takes you a moment, but you recognize this face. He's a warrior for Lord Uhtred, the Ealdorman of Coccham. You've seen him before in town, usually walking around with the Lord's other warriors or drinking at the alehouse.

If you're correct, he's the one they call Finan.

Afraid of being seen, you hide behind a tree to spy on him. It's probably wrong, but you're curious to see what this man is doing in your place. You can see him approach the river, squatting down and putting his fingers into the water to perhaps check its warmth. After a moment or two, he rises, shaking off his wet finger, and then wipes it on his trousers.

What happens next makes your jaw drop.

He starts to strip away his clothing. Starting with the belt that carries his blades and then his shirt. You can't help but gawk as he works at every button till the end, then pulling the shirt off his body. As he bends down to drop his on top of his blades, his body turns till his bareback is facing you.

And the sight of it makes you gasp.

Finan snatches the shirt up and puts it back on, and you manage to hide behind the tree. You try to cover your mouth with your hand, but you're certain you've been caught.

You can hear him pick up his sword, and then you hear the sound of footsteps approaching you, "I know you're out there," he calls out as he creeps closer, "Come out now, and I swear I won't hurt ya."

"I didn't mean to spy on you, Lord, I swear it," You tell him, still cowering behind the tree.

"I'm not a Lord, darlin', no need to hide," Finan is smirking when he comes face to face with you, "If you wanted to watch me bathe, all you needed was to ask."

He's much more handsome than you realized now that he's in arms reach, and suddenly you're blushing uncontrollably, "I was not-"

"I'm only kidding, I swear it," He smiles, holding his arms up in truce, "What is a good Christian woman like yourself doin' alone in a place like this?"

"I was going to ask you the same question," you say, straightening yourself to seem more confident, "How did you find this place?"

"I usually bathe more up the river, but it seems others found my space so I came more down for some peace," Finan crosses his arms, and your eyes can't help but look at his bare chest and the blade you almost forgot he was carrying, "And you?"

"I, uh," You point behind him and chuckle, "Live not far from here. This is my secret place."

"Is it now?"

"It is," You tell him, and he smirks at you, "And I would prefer if you bathed somewhere else."

Finan chuckles, and takes a step forward, "And if I choose not to?"

You're already backed into the tree, so there's nowhere else to go as he hovers over you, "I.. I'll-"

Finan’s smirk becomes a full smile as he laughs and backs away, "I am teasing, darlin', I'll get out of your hair. I wouldn't want anyone to think anythin' of us being alone back here."

"I will not tell, if you don't," The words come out of your mouth so quickly you barely have time to register what you've just told this man.

Finan's brow raises as he crosses his arms again, "Are you propositioning me, lady?"

"No, of course not!" You argue and he smiles again, making your knees feel surprisingly weak, "I only mean to say, if you do not look my way then I will not look yours. We can share this place."

"You wish to share this place with me?" He questions.

"As long as you promise not to look and you stay on your side of this tree," As soon as the words come out you realize what you've asked of this and it's probably the dumbest thing you've done but it's too late because the words have already been spoken, "We keep our eyes to ourselves, deal?"

You put your hand out for him to shake, and a second later he shakes it, "Deal, Lady-"

"Y/N," You tell him with a faint smile, "I am not a lady, I'm just… Y/N."

"Well you have yourself a deal," Finan smirks as he lets your hand go and starts to make his way back to his things, "Just Y/N."

It's the way he looks at you as he walks away that makes you realize you've probably made a very big mistake.

------------------------------------<3---------------------------------------

It rains for the next few days, so you do not return to the river bend until the sun has risen again. You head down at midday to get away from your family for some time. It's hard, being the eldest child. You feel like so much is expected of you, especially in a family of only daughters.

You expect talks of marriage will be in your very near future.

When you arrive at your secret place, Finan is already there. You can tell because there are clothes all laid out neatly as well as a belt with two blades close to the water. As per your pact, you do your best to keep your eyes ahead of you and not spy on the man you've decided to let into your space.

Though you would very much like to look.

You sit by the edge of the water, taking off your shoes so you can stick your feet in the water, and just as you lay back onto the grass you hear water sloshing around and the sound of a certain Irish accent in the air.

"Y/N," You hear Finan call out, and you try your best not to look his way, "Nice seeing you here."

"I'd say the same, but I plan on upholding the promise I made," Finan laughs at your comment, and a smile forms on your face, "I am a good Christian woman, after all."

"Aye, so polite," He laughs some more and you can hear him moving through the water, probably making his way out, "Thank you for not tarnishing my pure reputation."

"I assure your pure reputation will continue to go unscathed," You chuckle and you can hear him getting out of the water, and the sound of swords in sheaths clanging lets you know he's probably getting dressed.

"Do you not wish to bathe today, Y/N?" He asks you, and you can hear his belt clang again.

"No…" You told him in a soft tone, your mood sobering up, "I only came here to escape, that's all."

"Escape what?" When you don't answer you can hear Finan moving around, and before you know it he's standing above you fully dressed, "Escape what, Y/N?"

You smirk at the sight of him, "You've crossed the tree."

"Aye, but my clothes are on," Finan smiles walking to your right and then sitting down next to you, "So are you going to tell me what has happened?"

You sigh and then sit up, pulling your knees to your body as you look out to the water, "I believe my family wishes me to marry soon."

You glance over to Finan, who is also staring at the water when he replies, "Ahh."

"My family is… well, we could use the silver," You explain as you put your arms around your knees and rest your chin on top of them, "I am the eldest, it's my duty to be married into wealth."

"But is being married what you wish?" Finan asks you in a tone that makes you glance his way.

It almost sounds like jealousy.

"I'm not sure," You tell him honestly, "What if he's awful?"

"What if he's hideous?" Finan jokes with brows raised and it makes you laugh, "I'm sure your father will not marry you to a cruel man."

"It's my stepfather who wishes to marry me," You explain, trying to maintain your smile but it's getting hard, "I think he tires of caring for me. I'm almost certain he wishes to be rid of me as soon as possible."

"Sounds like a bastard," Finan mutters in anger, and it catches you off guard. When he notices what he's said, he turns to face you, "I did not mean-"

You can't help but smile, "No, you are right. He is a bastard." Your smile maintains as you turn back to face the water, "I just wish I was free to choose, that's all. It might sound silly but I want to fall in love with a man, not just be forced upon him."

"That doesn't sound silly at all," Finan tells you with a soft voice, "Nothin' wrong with wanting to be loved, Y/N."

"Have you ever been in love?" You turn to ask him and you can see the expression on his face shift, "Finan? Did I say something wrong?"

He looks at your and his lip curls up, and something about the way his eyes stare into yours gives you butterflies like you've never felt before, "I have… a long time ago. Almost another life, even."

"What happened?"

Finan shrugs, looking back at the water as he answers, "I suppose.. it was not meant to be."

"I'm sorry," You tell him sincerely, "That sounds awful," he doesn't answer you immediately, and you wonder if you've maybe struck a nerve with your question. In hopes of redeeming yourself, you add: "Perhaps you will find love again," That catches his attention and it makes you smile, "A better one."

"I hope so as well," Finan answers with a smile much different than the others he's given you during this conversation. Something about it just makes your heart beat double time.

You wonder if perhaps these are the feelings you've been searching for.

You continue to meet Finan daily by the river bend, as long as the sun is out and there is no rain to stop you from leaving your home. You talk about everything and nothing, and over the next few months, you learn so much about each other. Finan tells you about his travels, and what it's like to be a warrior serving Lord Uhtred. Of his friends and fellow warriors, Sihtric and Osferth. You tell him about your family, how your father served in King Alfred's fyrd and did not come home after one battle. How your mother, now a widow, chose to marry a farmer to support her family and had many more children with him. How the man she married treats you more like the help than a daughter.

------------------------------------<3---------------------------------------

Of all the things you speak of, Finan's family and his life in Ireland is never brought up.

You didn't want to push it.

He did, however, tell you of his life as a slave and how he met Lord Uhtred aboard a shave ship. All the things they overcame to be free, and the friends they lost trying to get home. It's how you learn why he chooses to bathe in private.

"There are scars… scattered all over my back," Finan tells you during one of your meetings, "Every time someone sees them, they ask how I got them. I hate talkin' about it… so I bathe alone."

"I didn't mean to-"

"I don't mind telling you, Y/N," he says with a smile, "You are good at secrets, surprisingly enough."

You laugh at his comment, and you stop when you realize Finan is staring at you, "What is it?"

"May I tell you another?" Finan asks in a quiet voice.

"Another… secret?" You question him with a raised brow. Finan nods, his face seeming more serious than you've seen it, "What is it, Finan?"

"I would very much like to kiss you, Y/N," His words make you gasp and you realize he's leaned in closer to you, "May I?"

"But your pure reputation," You smirk but your body is leaning in closer anyway, "We are good Christians, remember?"

"I will not tell, if you don't," Finan smiles as he puts his hand on your face to pull you in.

You glance at his eyes then down to his lips right before you lean in to kiss him, "Deal."

It's not your first kiss, that's for certain, but you've never had someone kiss you with so much passion before. Finan puts his other hand on your face and leans your head back to deepen the kiss. Your hands reach out for his shirt to pull him as close to you as you can, and the two of you fall back into the grass as the kissing intensifies. Finan's tongue slips in your mouth and you moan, his hands moving from your face down to your waist.

He's about to go lower, but you stop him.

You pull away from him with a worried look on your face, "We shouldn't..."

Finan looks a touch embarrassed as he gets up off of you, "I am sorry, Y/N,"

"No, it's not that I don't wish to kiss you," You are quick to explain as you sit back up, "It's just…" You don't wanna tell him, but you know you need to tell him soon before it's too late, "My stepfather has someone coming tomorrow… a potential husband."

"You're to be married?" He looks hurt, more than you anticipated and it hurts.

"I have no choice," Your lip quivers because the look on his face is just killing you, "He wants me gone before harvest."

"Perhaps I should go," Finan says as he jumps to his feet, and you jump up to follow him.

"Finan, Finan wait!" You call out as you chase after him, "I do not want to marry this man-"

"I will bother you no longer, Lady," he cuts you off as he keeps going, but you reach out to grab his arm and make him stop.

"Finan, please," Your voice cracks and you feel your breath starting to stutter, "I will never love this man," Finan doesn't look fully back, but his head is turned enough for you to know you have his attention, "my heart already belongs to you."

"I have nothing to give you, Y/N," Finan explains, keeping his face away from you, "No land, no home... I am just a warrior, loyal to my Lord. Every time we leave there is a chance I will not come home. It is not an easy life."

"I do not want easy," Your eyes start to water as your hand drifts down his arm to his hand, "I want you."

Finan turns back and you find he's also been crying, but there's a slight smile on his lips and it makes you feel a bit better, "Do you now?"

"I do," You smile as the tears fall, "Always."

Finan moves back in to kiss you again, his hands moving frivolously across your body as he backs you up until you eventually hit a tree. His hands are making their way down your skirts as he starts to lift them up, and eventually, they find themself between your legs.

What he does to you next, here by this river bend, is far from Christian.

------------------------------------<3---------------------------------------

You get back home later than you usually do, the sun setting as you walk through the door, and to your surprise, your mother and stepfather are waiting for you, along with another man you do not recognize.

"Where have you been!?" Your stepfather demands before you can even put down your things, "You have been gone for hours!"

"I went to bathe," You explain but your response is only a half-lie; you were indeed in the water… with Finan… and neither of you actually did bathe, "I did not realize how long I was gone."

"It's impolite to make your betrothed wait, Y/N," Your mother explains, and you give her a confused look.

"I do not have a-"

"Y/N, meet Oswald," Your stepfather cuts you off as he turns back to point to the other man in the room, "He has agreed to marry you, and for a mighty fair price might I add."

You look at the man, and then your stepfather with a worried look, "I do not wish to marry him."

"He's already paid the bride price, Y/N," Your mother tells you with a somber look on her face, "You leave for East Anglia in the morning."

"East Anglia?!" You take a step back in your shock.

"I have a lot of land, and plenty of space for all the children we will have," The man… Oswald smiles and it makes you shiver, "I promise you will enjoy being my wife."

"I don't want to marry you," You say again, because the first time was apparently not enough, "I refuse!"

"You cannot!" Your stepfather snaps, "You have been sold, you get no choice!"

"I will not marry this man, and you cannot stop me!" You yell, turning for the door and rushing out before anyone can stop you.

It's pouring now but that doesn't stop you as you make your way into the heart of Coccham in search of the man you much rather be betrothed to. Your first stop is the alehouse, where you know Finan frequents often with his fellow warriors, but he's not there. Instead, your eyes come across the other warriors he's usually with, Sihtric and Osferth.

They are drinking and laughing when you approach them, and you know you must look crazy with your body drenched but you do not care.

The monk-looking Saxon is the first to notice you, a kind smile on his face as he looks your way. He must be Osferth, "May we help you, lady? You seem troubled."

"You are Osferth and Sihtric, yes?" You ask as you look between the two of them, shaking in your soaked clothing, "Do you know where Finan is?"

"Ah, you must be Y/N," The Dane warrior, Sihtric, smiles as he turns to face you, "You just missed him, he's gone to meet with Lord Uhtred."

"Please, can you find him for me?" You ask out of breath, hoping they recognize the panic in your voice, "Tell him to meet me by the river bend, he will know what that means."

"Is there something wrong, Y/N?" Osferth asks as he and Sihtric exchange worried looks.

"I have no time to explain, please, promise me you'll tell him," You tell him and they both nod to each other and rise.

"We will, lady, we swear it," Sihtric tells you as he taps Osferth's shoulder and the two of them leave the alehouse with haste.

You only hope they find him in time.

It's still pouring, but it doesn't stop you from waiting in the rain for Finan to arrive. You wait behind a tree, the same one you hid behind the first time you saw him. You have been alone for a while, and part of you is starting to worry he will not show.

------------------------------------<3---------------------------------------

Perhaps you have made a mistake?

Perhaps he does not love you as you thought?

The fear makes you nauseous. You had just given this man all you had to give, your womanhood slipped through your fingers to the sound of his soft words and even softer fingers. Now you wonder if all that happened was only so he could find his way between your legs.

Tears form in your eyes, and now you feel silly for waiting out here in the rain for a man who probably doesn't love you.

You want to move from where you're leaning against the tree, except you can't because your body slides down to the ground and you can help but sit there and cry. Crying like a child, as the tears on your face blending in with the rain hitting your face.

"Y/N?" The voice you hear calling out for you makes you jump for your feet, hiding behind the tree in hopes not to be seen. It's your stepfather, and he has found your secret place, "Y/N you show yourself this instant!"

You cover your mouth so he doesn't hear you crying, or breathing for that matter, and pray to God that he doesn't find you. You can hear footsteps walking nearby and your heart is beating double time as your eyes shut tight in fear, but then you feel a hand across yours.

"Do not fear, Y/N, it's me," Finan's voice whispers as your eyes open quickly. There's a serious look on his face, his eyes peeking around the tree, "He's leavin'."

You both stand there in silence for a while, Finan's eyes watching your stepfather and yours watching Finan. Sometimes passes, and then Finan sighs as his eyes drift back to you.

"He's gone," Finan tells you as his hand moves from over yours to over your cheek, "Are you alright?"

"You came for me," You tell him in shock as your hand lowers to your side.

"Of course I did, Y/N," Finan smiles as he rubs your cheek with his thumb, "I love you."

"You do?" Your eyes are watery again but this time your tears are joyous.

"Aye," He nods as he leans in for a quick kiss, "I do, and I will not let you marry the man that bastard has chosen."

"His name is Oswald," You explain to him with a frown, "He's already paid the bride price…"

"And I plan on offering more," Finan explains with a smirk, "I have borrowed silver from Lord Uhtred. Whatever that man had paid, I will pay double."

"I cannot possibly be worth that much," You chuckle in disbelief over what he's told you, but Finan just smiles, "I am just Y/N."

"No," He shakes his head as he leans in to kiss you again, "You are everything, Y/N."

It must be true because you return back to your family's home with Finan where he offers just that for your hand in marriage and your stepfather and Oswald agree for the exchange. You do not return to that house again, because that place is no longer your home.

And the next time the sun shines again, you and Finan return again to the river bend. Where you share this special place with those you both care for the most, as they gather together to watch you two marry.

Here, in this place, special to you always.

#finan the agile #fanfiction #one shot #finan x reader #the last kingdom #tlk #tlk finan #but i guess stiLL angst #fluff

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sentakushimasu · 3 years

Text

if i can't taste your lips just let me taste blood

pairing: bakugou katsuki/kirishima eijirou summary: work studies are meant to be educational, not fatal, but bakugou and kirishima are trapped with a growing puddle of blood and no way to get out genre: hurt/comfort, whump word count: 2.6k warnings: blood, hospitals, bakugou trying to articulate emotions title from: we are the dirt - it's never enough AO3

When Kirishima came to it was with a lot of confusion and pain. The first thing he noticed was the searing pain emanating from his abdomen that blurred and subdued his other senses. The second thing he noticed was that it was really dark.

Dark to the point where he wasn’t sure if he was opening his eyes at all, unable to figure out where the hell he was or how he got there.

The pain, however, was very clearly not a fixture of his foggy and disoriented brain. It kept getting worse, the burning sensation reaching all the way down to his feet. In the haze of pain he couldn’t pinpoint any actual injury, only able to tell that there was something really heavy pressing down on his midsection.

The whine he let out was involuntary, but if he was alone he was going to make as many pathetic noises as he wanted.

Only, he wasn’t alone.

“Kirishima? Kirishima, are you awake?”

That was Bakugou’s voice, but Bakugou never called him by his name, and especially not with the worry that currently saturated his tone.

Kirishima grumbled and tried to push the weight off him. It was so heavy, borderline crushing him but he couldn’t get it to move. What he assumed were Bakugou’s hands swatted his away from whatever was pinning him down.

“Fucking hell, would you stop that?”

Kirishima squirmed again, trying desperately to get even a little bit of the weight off him. “There’s something on top of me-”

“Yeah, that’s me. You’re bleeding.”

“Hmm? Sorry,” Kirishima floundered until his fingers connected with Bakugou’s wrist, looping around the limb. “You can stop, I’m alright.”

“What the fuck? No. You’re fucking bleeding everywhere.”

Bakugou’s face came slightly more into focus as Kirishima’s eyes adjusted to the darkness. He kept looking between Kirishima’s abdomen and his face. He looked worried, and if Kirishima didn’t value his life he would dare say that Bakugou was scared. He was still in his hero gear, the stupid theatric spikes framing his head, a distinct trail of blood marring his features as it trailed down his face from his hairline.

“Are you hurt?” Kirishima couldn’t help but ask.

“What? No.”

“You’re bleeding,” Kirishima supplied helpfully.

Bakugou narrowed his eyes and turned back to the wound, applying more pressure. “Not as much as you.”

Swallowing the whine in the back of his throat, Kirishima decided to actually start a conversation with his friend. He had no idea how long they would be there and he wasn’t into spending that uncertain length of time in tense silence with Bakugou. “What happened?”

“Work study. Big villain attack so Endeavour sent us out as backup. One of ‘em cornered you in here so I came to tell ‘em to fuck off but you were on the ground and when I exploded the asshole, the fucking ceiling caved in.”

“At least I’m not stuck in here by myself, hmm? That would be unfortunate.”

It was supposed to have been a joke, something to lighten the mood between them but Bakugou’s expression remained firm as he offered no reply.

“How bad is it?”

Bakugou paused, the silence hanging heavily between them. “It’s fine, you’re gonna be fine.”

Kirishima just hummed. “You’re a terrible liar.”

Dark spots peppered his vision and he was beginning to realise how tired he felt. He knew Bakugou was fighting a losing battle.

“I’m not fucking lying, okay? You’re going to be fine.”

“It’s okay, Bakugou. Can I just ask you to do something before I die?”

“You’re not going to die, you asshole. Fat Gum is going to come for you, you know he’d never leave you here.”

The exhaustion was creeping in with the tingling sensation in his arms and legs. He was so cold. He had half a mind to ask Bakugou to set off some explosions and hopefully warm the air. But they were trapped with potentially limited oxygen and Bakugou was too smart to ever risk that. “Is he going to be fast enough? You said there was a villain, he’s probably too busy.”

“Shut up!” Bakugou snapped, his expression and tone immediately softening as the harshness registered. “You’re not dying today. Or tomorrow. Or any day that I’m alive to see. I won't let you.”

Kirishima closed his eyes, letting himself imagine what it would be like to die with Bakugou by his side. A cruel part of his chest tightened as he imagined asking Bakugou to hold him before he passed out.

The taste of blissful unconsciousness lay heavy on the back of his tongue as he spoke. “Will you stay? I don’t wanna go alone.”

“You’re not going fucking anywhere, and I’m not gonna leave you.”

“I think I’m dying, Katsu.”

Kirishima could see the way Bakugou flinched at the use of the nickname. He would have apologised for being so informal but he was tired and he didn’t have the energy to be sorry for trying to feel close to Bakugou in his last moments.

Perhaps the reaction had been to the idea of Kirishima dying, but that seemed less likely. Bakugou was persistent in reminding everyone that he didn’t care about anything or anyone other than becoming number one. Kirishima had always admired his determination but right now he just wanted to pretend that Bakugou cared about him.

Falling in love with Bakugou Katsuki was probably the dumbest decision of Kirishima’s life but he would never live to regret it. Not while Bakugou stayed with him, trying to staunch the flow of blood from a wound that was likely severe enough to render Bakugou’s efforts useless.

The older boy didn’t look at him. “You’re just delirious from the blood loss, you’ll be okay.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because you’re fucking bleeding out!”

“Yeah,” Kirishima mumbled with the limited energy he had left, “but why is it suddenly a big deal? You've said repeatedly that you don’t care about anyone else.”

“I lied,” Bakugou hissed through his teeth, his jaw clenched with such force that Kirishima was worried the bone would shatter under the pressure.

Kirishima’s eyebrows pinched together in confusion. Well that made no sense.“Why would you lie?”

“Because I love you, goddamnit! So you’re going to stay awake and we’re going to get out of this and go on a date or some shit, but we can only do that if you stay awake, okay?”

Oh. Kirishima tried to speak, but his tongue felt like a lead weight in his mouth that he couldn’t lift no matter how hard he tried. The fog was pressing in on him much harder now.

Bakugou’s voice was muffled by the fog as he spoke again. “Fucking say something. I just confessed my feelings for you, you don’t get to fucking ignore me now.”

Kirishima was aware that he should be worried by the way it was taking more and more of his energy to keep his eyes open, but he couldn’t find the strength to care about anything other than the fact that Bakugou just said he loves him.

“Kirishima?”

“No- No, fuck, no, Kirishima you have to keep your eyes open!” Kirishima hadn’t even noticed they’d fallen shut, but he couldn’t seem to open them again, despite how much he wanted to stare into Bakugou’s red eyes forever.

Kirishima could feel something tapping on his cheek, shaking his shoulder. Bakugou’s voice was so broken and raw when he spoke his plea. “Kiri, please.”

That’s weird, Bakugou never says please.

As the last shreds of consciousness left him, Kirishima swore he could hear muffled yelling somewhere close to his head, he couldn’t make out the words.

But it didn’t hurt anymore.

Kirishima didn’t expect to wake up.

It was as simple as that.

He had been bleeding badly enough that Bakugou hadn’t even let him look, and had seemed genuinely worried and afraid for his friend’s wellbeing. So at that point, waking up was a feat on its own.

Waking up without being in excruciating pain was something else entirely. He just felt floaty and not real. But he definitely wasn’t dead because he was uncomfortable and the lights behind his close eyelids were way too bright.

“I would try to send you back to the dorms but I know you won’t listen to me even if I erase your quirk and drag you kicking and screaming out of here,” Aizawa’s gruff voice said from a place Kirishima couldn’t pinpoint. There was a lot of aural input that just dissolved into directionless static.

“I’m not leaving him.”

That was Bakugou’s voice, with its hard edge and underlying fire. It cut through the haze of Kirishima’s lingering unconsciousness, it didn’t have the same fuzzy edge to the syllables that Aizawa’s voice had.

Aizawa must have clicked his tongue before speaking again in his monotonous drawl. “You need to rest too. That concussion isn’t going to go away on its own.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Bakugou bit back.

“Then, pray tell, what matters more than your health?”

“He does.”

He wanted to fight against the stupor, to reach out and smack Bakugou upside the head. His friend was concussed, and chose not to rest, in favour of keeping a bedside vigil. At this point, it was the only thing that was convincing Kirishima that he didn’t hallucinate what Bakugou said before he passed out.

Not that it made much sense.

“Kirishima would want you to take care of yourself.” Kirishima is going to shake Aizawa’s hand the second he can muster up the energy to do so.

“Kirishima also wanted to die of blood loss and traumatise me instead of just staying awake, so I’m not going to listen to what that asshole wants.”

“You know as well as I do that the doctor said he probably won’t be coherent until tomorrow morning even if he does wake up tonight. I can drive you back to the dorm and pick you up before visiting hours.”

Kirishima could practically hear Bakugou shaking his head. “I’m not leaving him alone.”

“He won’t be alone. Fat Gum and I will be here all night.”

Bakugou’s next words were haunted, hollowed out to fit an emotion Kirishima had never heard from the older boy. “He asked me to stay with him.”

“And you did, you saved his life,” a third voice added. Kirishima was cognizant enough to be able to recognise it as being his mentor.

“Go to bed, Bakugou,” Kirishima mumbled, scrunching his eyes up tightly as consciousness fully came back to him. He wished someone would turn the light off.

“Kirishima?” There was too much noise in that moment for Kirishima to figure out who had spoken, but he suspected that all of them had something to say about his return to wakefulness.

He tried to lift his hand, hoping to cover his eyes from the bright lights of what was undoubtedly a hospital room, only to find it pinned in place.

Opening his eyes to the onslaught of light revealed that his hand was being firmly held in Bakugou’s. Okay, forget his previous claims, he was definitely dead. Or, at the very least, having the best dream of his life.

Kirishima groaned. “You guys are loud.”

“Sorry, kid,” Aizawa said in his usual grumble. His chair was the furthest away from Kirishima, sitting all the way in the corner of the room. He looked the same amount of disheveled as he usually did but his posture held a weird tension that Kirishima wasn’t sure he had ever seen before.

“How are you feeling?” Fat Gum asked, he was out of his hero suit which, to Kirishima, looked very odd.

“Pretty okay, all things considered,” Kirishima said, directing his gaze towards his friend.

Bakugou was the most noticeably different. His hair was scruffy and matted with blood, a stark white rectangle of gauze taped to his forehead, a few little strips holding a cut on his eyebrow together. He didn’t speak, but he didn’t let go of Kirishima’s hand either.

Feeling particularly spontaneous, probably due to the bucket full of pain meds that were undoubtedly currently in his system, Kirishima gave Bakugou’s hand an experimental squeeze.

Bakugou stiffened but the tension quickly left his body as he squeezed back, turning to meet Kirishima’s eyes and give him a soft smile.

Their exchange was silent but they said all they needed to.

I heard you.

I love you too.

Kirishima tried to adjust himself, to get a better look at Bakugou’s injuries. Only to promptly collapse back onto the hospital bed as pain blasted through all of his senses.

“Idiot,” Bakugou hissed.

“Take it easy,” Fat Gum said, “you were in surgery for a long time, you don’t need to be pushing yourself.”

Still trying to breathe through the pain, Kirishima opened one eye to look at the pro hero.

“Surgery?” he managed to grit out from between his clenched teeth.

Fat Gum’s eyes softened as he looked at his mentee. “We found you both not long after you lost consciousness, but you were in rough shape. You’re going to need to take it easy for a while.”

Kirishima groaned. “That sounds boring.”

“Not as boring as an extended recovery period because you refused to take care of yourself,” Aizawa chided.

“True,” Kirishima said. “What time is it?”

Fat Gum was the one to speak this time. Bakugou stayed remarkably silent. “A little past midnight, you spent six hours in surgery and we’ve been waiting for you to wake up for about two hours now.”

“And Bakugou isn’t in bed?”

“Nope. We tried but he won’t budge. Better to let it happen at this point.”

Kirishima rolled his head to the other side, narrowing his eyes at Bakugou and the older boy’s stony expression. “Go to sleep.”

Bakugou met his gaze with his usual stubborn fire. “You first.”

“If you stay, will you sleep?”

Bakugou nodded.

“Aizawa-sensei, can he stay?”

Kirishima had expected Aizawa to argue, but he was just met with a soft “okay”.

Whether it was the cocktail of medication or the trauma his body had suffered, tiredness hit Kirishima like a wave. As his blinking slowed down, he swore he saw a soft smile grace Bakugou’s lips before his other hand reached up to brush Kirishima’s hair out of his face.

“Goodnight, Kirishima.”

Kirishima just hummed, too tired to speak.

Kirishima woke up the next morning with Bakugou wrapped around his arm that was free of tubes and wires, snoring softly.

Carefully picking up his other hand and ignoring the presence of the IV in the crook of his elbow, he began to thread his fingers through Bakugou’s messy hair. The older boy didn’t stir, a true testament to how exhausted he really was, especially considering on any other day Kirishima could breathe sideways and Bakugou would all but leap to his feet.

Instead, Bakugou’s hold just tightened slightly as he mumbled something in his sleep.

A quick glance around the room told Kirishima that Aizawa was asleep in his chair in the corner, his face buried in his capture scarf, surprisingly sans his usual yellow sleeping bag. Fat Gum was nowhere to be seen but judging by the empty chair with a blanket on the seat and jacket draped over the back, he couldn’t be far away.

There was a weird bliss to the quiet atmosphere of the hospital room. The soft morning light filtered in through the window as opposed to the harsh lights of the night before.

The pain meds took away from the discomfort of being in a hospital, and with Bakugou clinging to him like he was the most important thing in the world was something Kirishima could easily be convinced was a dream, a fantasy conjured by his unconscious mind.

He could get used to this.

#mha #bnha #my hero academia #kiribaku #bakugou x kirishima #bakugou katsuki #kirishima eijirou #mha fanfiction #mha fic #bnha fic #bnha fanfiction #kiribaku fanfic #max.doc #boku no hero academia

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mostlycompetentwriter · 3 years

Text

Start Line (Part One of Two)

M/F Pairing: Fem!Reader x Bang Chan (SKZ)

Warnings: Language

Word Count: 7.2K

Genre: Boys over Flowers AU! Strangers to enemies to potential lovers!

Summary: Starting a new school is never easy, but the four rich and popular boys who pretend like they’re above the rest of the student population? Well, that makes everything even worse.

A/N: You don’t need to watch the show to understand, but it might be fun! AKA this is a Kdrama recommendation.

Also, I’m super sorry to the anonymous user who asked for this and probably impatiently waited for me to get a grip!!!

Tagging @skzwriternet

For my entire life, I’ve had to work harder than everyone else to secure the things that I wanted the most.

Which is why nothing could enrage me more than the sight of the four boys sitting on the bleachers together in my new school’s gymnasium.

I had just recently transferred into the school on a swimming scholarship, and a young student assistant offered to give me a tour of the facilities before my first day of scheduled classes. Her name was Suzy, and she had enough intel on the school’s population that even the CIA would be jealous.

I wasn’t normally one for drama, but Suzy’s warning about the school’s infamously named “F4″ was enough to leave me feeling cautious: “You see those guys over there?” she had asked when we sat down together on the bleachers. “It’s fair to say that they run the school, so most people try to avoid pissing them off.”

The boys in question were all starters for the school’s accolade-heavy basketball team. Apparently, that meant a lot in this affluent and well-endowed community, and I could tell that they considered themselves with the highest regard. Especially the oldest, a handsome blonde whose killer accent was surely the ruin of any one of those poor girls who flocked around them like they were desperate for attention.

“Bang Chan,” Suzy informed me. “He’s the leader, and his family owns an entire line of luxury hotel chains.”

“I guess that means something special?” I remarked, and Suzy gave me a curious look.

“His family owns the school, but if we’re talking worth, then his parents pretty much own this whole town.”

“So, he takes advantage of that,” I noted, and Suzy nodded her head before indicating to the other three boys.

“They’ve all been friends since they were kids, but everyone knows that Chan and Changbin are super close.”

“Changbin?” I questioned, and Suzy pointed to the introspective and sullen-looking student who was ignoring all of the other girls with narrowed dark eyes.

“His parents died when he was young,” she explained. “He lives with his grandfather.”

“Oh?” I wondered, and I looked at Changbin again with a fresh perspective - as someone who had experienced trauma that would follow him for the rest of his life.

“Felix and Minho are the real fuckboys,” Suzy continued. “They’re notorious for the weekend rule.”

“The weekend rule?”

“Find a college party, hook-up with a nameless girl, and then leave her before she’s too attached.”

“Fuck boys,” I grumbled in agreement, and Suzy sighed as if she had personal experience...but I seriously doubted that someone of her caliber would stoop so low knowing full well what kind of reputation she was dealing with.

“The entire school is at their beck and call,” she said. “They do whatever they want, and nobody ever questions them.”

“Well, I’m here to graduate and find a good college for swimming,” I said, meeting Chan’s gaze from a distance. “I don’t have time for games.”

The ominous faction leader smirked as he held my stare, eyeing me up and down with a flicker of interest that I chose to ignore when Suzy asked if I wanted to finish the rest of our tour.

Day One

On my first day of classes, Suzy was kind enough to stick close to my side, although I was beginning to see that she wasn’t very popular, and we were mostly ignored by the rest of the populace. Which was just fine with me.

“Check it out!” she exclaimed. “Our schedules are almost identical.”

“I’m glad,” I said, ducking my head to avoid a couple of rough-housing football players who were “playfully” knocking each other into the lockers. “I’m pretty sure you could get lost in here.”

“Well, ideally, most students start here in Elementary school, and they stay all the way through High School,” Suzy said.

“A pretentious education at its finest,” I remarked, wondering how much money was literally walking by me with every Luis Vuitton bag and Gucci-made uniform that passed in opposing directions.

“Do you start swimming after school?” Suzy asked, making easy conversation as we entered our first classroom - advanced biology.

“Yeah,” I said, following Suzy to the back of the room. “There’s a tournament this weekend.”

“Already?” Suzy gasped, and she plopped down into one of the desks next to me. “Will you have enough time to practice?”

“I’ll be fine,” I reassured her, reaching for a spare notebook as the teacher walked in to begin one of the most intense lectures that I had ever attended.

But the school’s Academic reputation was no joke, and I imagined that they hired the finest teachers that the school’s infinite endowment could afford - a budget that would eclipse the remainder of the public schools in the district. Yet, no one seemed to blink an eye at how obviously unfair that was, as if these well-off students deserved a high-class education simply because their parents made more money than they could spend.

My new socio-economic environment was becoming more and more apparent, and I was suddenly feeling every part of the outcast who wandered into the wrong part of town with good intentions. But a moralistic attitude would get you nowhere in life if everyone else refused to acknowledge the fact.

I learned quickly that the students at this school were only looking after themselves, but the lesson was hard to accept. Which might explain my uncharacteristic heroism when it came to defending Suzy later on that afternoon when she agreed to give me a ride home after swim practice.

I was outside, sending a message to my mom, when I noticed a black SUV careening backwards at a speed that was far too fast. Meanwhile, Suzy had settled down inside the car to start the ignition, messing with the dials on the radio, when a powerful jolt sent her jerking forward. “What the hell?” Suzy shrieked, turning around in her seat only to startle with that “deer in the headlights” look of absolute horror.

“Shit!!” she cursed, and I watched her get out of the car before taking a deep breath and joining her on the opposite side of her smashed trunk where a huge crowd of students had started to gather around us.

They were talking rapidly amongst themselves, and I figured out why they were so interested the minute Bang Chan and one of his friend - Felix, perhaps? - walked up to Suzy with a bored expression. “You do this often?” were the first words I ever heard from Chan. “I can’t believe you got in my way.”

Suzy immediately bowed her head - submitting to the older Senior. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, but I couldn’t stand to watch her expose her most vulnerable position.

“Hey!” I shouted, walking around Suzy’s crumbled form to stand toe-to-toe with the infamous Bang Chan.

“You must be the new girl,” Chan remarked, eyeing me up and down with vague interest. “I kinda expected something more when I saw you the other day...”

I seethed when his gaze fell lower, as if pointing out something that only hormonal teenage boys would care about. “I’m not here to impress you,” I replied, and he arched one brow.

“I don’t need to be impressed,” Chan said. “But your little friend disrespected me, and I think she should apologize.”

“You’re the one who wasn’t looking!” I snapped. “Anyone with eyes could see that you were too busy on your phone to pay attention!”

There was a collective conversation from the crowd, and Chan studied the growing conglomeration of students surrounding our confrontation. “Do you have proof of that? Or, is it your word against mine?”

“Someone with any sense of dignity wouldn’t act this way,” I countered, and Chan immediately started laughing.

“Oh? Isn’t that cute,” he said, eyes crinkling at the corners. “You have a lot to learn around here.”

“The only thing I’ve learned is to stay away from you,” I said, and Chan rolled his eyes like it was the dumbest thing he had ever heard.

And the torment only continued.

“Hey!” I snapped when he knocked his shoulder against mine, coming to stand in front of Suzy again with disdain.

“Pay for the damages,” he ordered. “And then apologize to me.”

“Chan-” Suzy started, but I grabbed his shoulder and forced him to turn around.

“I wasn’t finished,” I said, and our noses almost brushed from the minimal distance I allowed between us.

“I don’t want to hear anything else about your idea of honor or whatever,” Chan sneered, but he paused when I held up my phone, pressing the play button on the video which provided convincing evidence of the incident.

“What about this?” I asked him, and I could practically see him come undone.

“Give that to me!” he demanded, but I took several steps away from him, returning my cellphone to my pocket.

“But I’m sure the police would be interested in seeing it.”

Chan’s eyes perceptibly widened, and I felt a surge of triumph in knowing that I had the upper hand. “You wouldn’t.”

“Try me,” I taunted him, briefly glancing over my shoulder at his friend who had started snickering - like he was enjoying our fight.

“Fine,” Chan huffed. “What do you want?”

“You’ll pay for the damages to my friend’s car,” I said. “And...”

“And?” Chan snapped, clearly impatient.

“You can apologize to her instead,” I finished, and there were several consecutive gasps from the student population.

“Is he gonna do it?”

“There’s no way Chan will give in!!”

“Someone film this!”

My smile continued to widen at the jeers of my classmates, and Chan was finally at his wits end, spinning around on his heels to growl an imperceptible attempt at an apology to Suzy who could only look at him in awe. “We’re done here,” Chan said, and I shrugged nonchalantly, watching him storm away with his friend in tow behind him.

I sighed once they were both gone, feeling a sense of profound justice after proving that even the great Bang Chan could be defeated, but then Suzy appeared in front of me with a grave look in her eyes that told me this whole ordeal was far from over. “Y/N,” she whispered. “What have you done?”

Day Three

The next morning, I walked to my locker feeling every gaze turned in my direction. I frowned at each of them, wondering if this was the aftermath from the incident with Chan and his stupid friends. Yet, when I finally paused in front of my locker, an uncomfortable sensation of dread sent me into a cold sweat when I saw what was taped to the front of the door.

It was a red card with a black skull at the top and the infamous “F4″ written across the bottom.

“She got the card!” someone announced from off to the side, and it didn’t take long for other students to rush in my direction.

“The card?” I whispered to myself, remembering Suzy’s previous warnings concerning the exploits of the F4 boys. It wasn’t an accident that I had received this ominous warning, and I knew that I was in trouble.

Quickly, I darted through one of the exits leading outside, placing me somewhere on a small veranda where I leaned against the bannister overlooking the school’s athletic fields. “What the hell is wrong with this place!” I screeched, projecting my voice across the fields, and I didn’t expect anyone to hear me...

“Why the hell are you screaming?”

I paused at the sudden question, widening my eyes when I realized it was closer than I expected. “You come up here often?”

I staggered backward at the interjection, spinning around to locate the voice that had uttered the simple question. “Hello?”

There was a sigh, and then a familiar sweep of brown hair appeared from around the corner. “This is my spot, you know?”

“No,” I said, cringing at my tone. “I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

The recipient in question was none other than Changbin, one of the four members of the school’s notorious F4. His dark black hair was wind-swept across his forehead, falling in thin strands over attentive brown eyes while he leaned against the wall of the small patio sectioned off from the rest of the veranda. “Lesson learned,” Changbin continued, swaggering up the stairs to stand next to me, looking out over the playing fields. “I guess I can’t come here anymore.”

“What do you mean?” I found myself asking without really thinking about what it might look like to show that I was concerned. After all, he was a member of the same F4 that had just terrorized me with their stupid calling card.

“You’re here,” Changbin replied as if the answer might suffice. “I have a feeling this place will be too loud.”

He sighed then before starting for the exit. “W-wait!” I stuttered, unable to put together a logical sentence before Changbin was already walking back inside.

But Changbin’s unexpected appearance proved to be the least of my problems.

For the remainder of the afternoon, I faced an onslaught of humiliation courtesy of my classmates. Everything from jeers between classes, to more insulting pranks like decorating the desk on my homeroom classroom with vulgar language and pictures.

Yet, worst of all was coming face to face with Bang Chan himself who smiled some kind of sickening smirk at me before quietly asking if I had had enough of the torment. “This is nothing,” I growled at him.

“Oh? Well, it’s only gonna get worse,” Chan promised, and he left without another word, leaving me to stew over a powerful combination of anxiety and frustration.

However, Chan’s idea of worse was, indeed, inexcusable. And I nearly screamed when I went to swim that afternoon, only to discover the pool littered with trash. But there was nobody around to help, and I spent the entirety of my scheduled practice time cleaning up with water, wrinkling my nose at a few questionable banana peels.

“I guess he went through with it,” a familiar voice interrupted my trash session, beaming through the haze of disgust lingering with every brush of my fingers across sodden newspaper or moldy plates.

“What are you doing here?” I demanded of Felix and Minho - the infamous duo who were practically glued to Chan’s side.

“We just wanted to meet you,” Felix said, and I watched through narrowed eyes as they brought over chairs from the side to sit down at the poolside.

I frowned. Couldn’t they help? “Why are you interested?” I asked instead, bringing another load of trash to the edge.

“Well, it’s been awhile since anyone stood up to Chan,” Minho explained, and there was a playfulness in his gaze that left me feeling uneasy in concern to their real intentions.

“Doing what’s right shouldn’t make me a martyr,” I said.

“But it does,” Felix replied with a cheeky smile. “He’s gonna keep up the torture, you know,” he continued, waving his hand around to indicate the trash still floating on top of the chlorine-caked water.

“Forever?” I grimaced, hating that the word had slipped free without really thinking about what it would mean to admit such things to Chan’s friends.

Minho smiled, looking up at something over my shoulder. “I’m surprised to see you here, Changbin?”

I turned around as if it was instinctual, watching the same person from earlier on the veranda walk inside from the locker room. He seemed even more out of place than Minho and Felix, studying the pollution of trash swimming with me. “She’s interesting,” Changbin said, and I was surprised when my stomach did a few somersaults at his confession.

“I agree,” Felix inserted, leaning back against his elbows with his shirt sleeves rucked up high on his forearms. “It’s been a while since Chan has been this invested in something.”

“It would be nice if he could stop,” I grumbled, and I met Changbin’s sincere gaze as he knelt down next to the poolside.

“He’ll give up when he thinks you won’t back down,” Changbin finally decided, and I watched as he started gathering the trash floating in his direction.

Day Seven

In hindsight, my imagination ran wild with scenarios that were more insane with each progressive image that crossed through my head.

But what could you expect from someone who had just figured out that she was being followed by three burly men wearing suits like they were the Men in Black.

Each time I started to walk faster, they would also do the same. Until it got to the point where I was zigzagging around corners, doing my best to dodge out of their sight, only to find myself once again confronted with the strange men who had no intentions of leaving me alone.

Eventually, I paused on the sidewalk outside of the school’s entrance. I was running late that morning, which meant nobody else was around to witness this madness. But I was a strong, independent woman with a a no-nonsense attitude that compelled me to project my voice across the well-polished front lawn. “Excuse me, gentlemen,” I began, holding up my hands when they grew closer. “What seems to be the problem?”

“We have orders to bring you to our boss,” they said, which only confused me even more.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t know who you’re talking about?”

“Our apologies, miss,” the first man continued. “We were informed that you might try to resist.”

“Like I’m just gonna skip school and leave with a couple of strangers who have no conception of personal space,’ I glowered, but when I tried to spin around on my heel, I found myself colliding with an enormous chest, and I sighed, realizing that they had clearly been distracting me long enough for the third guard to sneak up behind me. “Fine,” I muttered, rolling my eyes when he grabbed my arm, leading me to the sleek black car running at the front of the school.

From there, my day only continued to grow even weirder, especially when I found myself walking up the steps of a gigantic mansion that looked like it could grace the cover of Vanity Fair magazine.

“Where am I?” I tried to ask, but the guards ignored my question, bringing me inside the house where I felt a twinge of misplaced guilt for treading my dirty sneakers across the pristine marble floors that practically shined with my reflection looking back at me.

“Greetings, miss,” a friendly tone greeted me, and I studied the older gentleman who dismissed the guards with a wave of his wrinkled hand. He was dressed impeccably in a suit with a long coat-tail, balding gray hair styled atop his head in a delicate swoop.

“What’s going on?” I demanded, but the butler was silent as he indicated for me to follow him. Down the crowded corridors, decorated with large, extravagant paintings, and down the granite staircase descending to the floor in a circular pattern.

Down a stretch of never-ending hallway that led to a bedroom at the end where two younger women - identically matched in uniform - greeted me by name before ushering me inside.

“Can you at least tell me where I am?” I asked the butler who followed us inside, giving out instructions as I was forced onto a stool in front of a vanity mirror, wincing when the woman immediately started to yank a brush through my long hair.

“This might take a while,” she said, and I frowned at her tone, coughing when a fresh puff of powder was streaked across my face - compliments of another girl who had a palate of make-up balanced on her hand like it was a paint tray and my skin was her canvas.

“I’d like to know something,” I insisted, but I was met with silence, crossing my arms across my chest as I resigned myself to the unexpected makeover since it was a thousand times better than my earlier scenarios where I envisioned myself dying from a James Bond-esque death.

It was only a half-hour later when the women declared themselves finished, standing back to admire their work while I had a staring contest with the girl looking back at me in the mirror. Because it was hard to believe that it was me with neat ringlets decorating my scalp, and sticky globs of mascara and foundation hiding the blemishes on my face.

I looked amazing, but it wasn’t really me. Still, I wasn’t given much time to study my new appearance, and I hesitated when the butler extended a black dress in my direction. “Our boss wants you to wear this,” he informed me, and I hesitantly accepted the expensive fabric.

“Who’s your boss?” I tried once more, but the butler simply smiled at me before waiting outside for me to get dressed, and I squeezed myself into the exquisite gown that swept the floor at my feet, hugging my curves and accentuating my figure in ways that my sweatpants and t-shirts couldn't.

When I finally walked back out, the butler smiled at me in approval before waving his hand in a grand fashion. “He’s waiting in the living room.”

I swallowed hard, following him once again through the maze of the house while wondering who I might be meeting. A rich donor? A potential Sugar Daddy?

They were all grand ideas that proved to be far better than the truth, and I could only gape in surprise when I was led into the living room, only to meet Chan’s eager gaze from across the expanse of white, designer-brand carpet.

“You!” I hissed in an accusing tone, watching the butler leave from the corner of my eye.

“Were you expecting someone else?” Chan asked, eliminating the distance between us with a few calculating steps. “They were right about the dress. You actually clean-up nice, Y/N.”

I scoffed at the backwards compliment. “Are you serious?” I nearly growled. “You kidnapped me for this?!”

Chan looked at me in disbelief, and I wondered if it was the first time that he had ever been rendered silent. “Do I not get a thank you?”

“A thank you?” I repeated. Incredulous.

“I brought you here,” Chan said, but he was clearly hesitating. “I thought you might like the attention? The clothes aren’t to your taste?”

“Shit, you’re dense,” I muttered. “Why the hell would you think that?”

“It’s obvious,” Chan said. “Talking down to me the other day, pretending like you aren’t affected by the F4 card...you just wanted my attention. And guess what, Y/N? I’m willing to give it to you.”

I blinked once, trying to understand his ridiculous train of bullshit. “What?!”

“You can be my girlfriend,” Chan said, shrugging one shoulder. “It’s a pretty big deal, but I’m sure you know that. I’ll even let you hold my hand between classes, and maybe come to your swim meets or whatever.”

“Chan...” I started, but then I broke off with a sigh because nothing I could think of seemed like an appropriate response. “I don’t think there’s even a remote chance that I would want to be your girlfriend.” I shivered, releasing a groan just saying the title. “Whatever you think is happening…it’s totally warped inside that screwed up head of yours.”

“Y/N-”

“Please,” I interrupted him, holding up one hand. “I’ve had enough, okay? I just want to go home.”

“But...” Chan tried to protested, stuttering around his words when I yanked off the expensive heels, chucking them off to the side. “How could you not want this?” he asked. “The outfit itself cost over $1,000 dollars.”

“$1,000 dollars?” I repeated, widening my eyes when I thought about how many hours my parents would need to put in at our local laundromat business to even make close to the amount he just threw away like it was nothing. “Chan, I might not live in the same world as you, but where I come from? You don’t make friends with money...you make them from the heart.”

“Impossible!” Chan protested, even as I turned my back to him. “Money can buy anything!”

“Is that why I’m leaving?” I returned, reaching down to hold my dress in place while feeling a small sense of satisfaction at having left Chan completely speechless.

Of course, in hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have tossed the shoes because the cement was hot against the soles of my feet, and I had attracted more than one curious look as I stormed down the street in search of the main road to take me back home.

“Stupid moron,” I huffed, practically jogging down the road with bare feet and my dress hiked up my legs to prevent me from tripping over the train. It was probably a sight for sore eyes when it came to the rich socialites who populated the neighborhood.

But like the sun’s rays penetrating the clouds on a rainy afternoon, I heard the sound of a motorcycle growing closer from behind me. Until the bike was right next to me, and the driver removed his helmet to expose a familiar bush of brown locks.

“Do you need a ride home?” Changbin asked, and I swallowed hard as I met his steady gaze. It was a simple question, but the fact that he didn’t even question me about why I was here? Nor could I detect any judgement in those impenetrable brown eyes that held all the allure, sending my heart knocking against my breastbone once again.

“Yeah,” I agreed, taking the extra helmet from him. “It’s been a shitty day.”

“I know how that feels,” Changbin said, and I was surprised by his easy conversation, planting myself on the seat behind him.

“Thank you for this,” I said, wrapping my arms around his waist and shivering at the thick smell of his cologne.

“It seems like you might be worth the effort,” Changbin remarked before kicking his bike into gear, and my heart did something strange that might be considered very dangerous when it involved the F4.

But I couldn’t help it, and I had never been more at ease this close to someone else.

Day Ten

Despite my adamant protests, the school insisted that I needed to take a physical education course, which meant that I was forced to pretend to enjoy dodgeball with the rest of my classmates. Hiding out at the back while most of the other girls did all the hard work. But I was only meant for one sport, and dodgeball was as far from swimming as one could get.

It helped that Suzy had gym at the same time, and we talked between games, with Suzy leading most of the conversation.as she offered introductions for most of our other classmates. “Mandy,” Suzy grumbled at one point, indicating to a tall blonde with long legs and a permanent sneer. “She thinks that she somehow has a chance to be with Chan, even though he’s kinda made it obvious that he doesn’t think anyone here is good enough.”

“Really?” I snorted, seeking Chan out from the corner of my eye, playing basketball on the courts with the rest of the F4.

“It’s a running thing here,” Suzy continued. “But most people don’t even try since they don’t want to get on Mandy’s bad side.”

“Whatever,” I replied, averting my gaze when Chan’s eyes met mine. “He’s not even worth it.”

“Most of our classmates would disagree,” Suzy said with a shrug, nudging her shoulder against mine when one of the instructors ordered us to begin the second round.

As usual, I lingered at the the sidelines away from my team, making a half-hearted attempt to play along, especially since I seemed to be a recurring target, using other bodies to protect myself from stray plastic dodgeballs. “What the hell,” I grumbled, wondering if that stupid F4 card was to blame for my classmate’s sudden desire to single me out from everyone else.

I crossed my arms at the thought, finding myself once again looking back over at Chan...Did he think it was funny to make me a target of ridicule? Well, at least Changbin was being surprisingly nice, and just the mere mention of the older boy was enough to do crazy things to my poor heart.

But lost in my daydreams, I failed to notice that Mandy and one of her friends had stalked to the edge of the court, rearing back to throw their dodgeballs at me while I was distracted. “Y/N!” I heard Suzy’s voice scream from across the field, and I looked away from Chan only to find myself frozen in place while a dodgeball flew in my direction.

The sickening CRACK! of the stupid thing hitting my nose was audible, and I immediately tasted blood on my upper lip. “Go clean yourself up, Miss Y/L/N,” one of the instructors said, but I was furious that she was treating the situation so nonchalantly.

It was all Chan’s fault. Even if he hadn't thrown the ball, he empowered his classmates to belittle me at every opportunity, and I was tired of being the school’s metaphorical punching bag. And I hated the tears threatening to fall, refusing to show any signs of weakness as I stormed past Suzy for the girl’s bathroom.

“Fuck,” I cursed as I leaned over the sink, splashing some cold water on my face as I looked at my bloody and mangled reflection in the mirror.

This was the worst incident so far, and I hated that the situation had escalated to something physical, gripping the edge of the sink tightly as I closed my eyes to regain control over my breathing.

“Here,” a voice whispered from behind me, and I turned around with a glare already contorting my expression when I was forced to face Bang Chan once again.

“It’s your fault,” I replied, snatching the paper towel from him as I dabbed at my nose. “What the hell are you doing in the girl’s bathroom?”

“I’m sorry,” Chan said, but I refused to believe it was sincere, turning back around to check the damage of my nose in the mirror. “You didn’t deserve that.”

“You can’t be sorry after the fact,” I snapped. “You had every chance to make things right and leave me the hell alone.”

“Well, I can’t do that now...” Chan trailed off, and it was surprising to see him suddenly look so unsure of himself. “I'm just trying to help...”

“And who asked you to do that?” I returned, looking at him from the corner of my eye. “Even if you were the last person on Earth, I would never ask for your help!”

My exclamation was punctuated by a rather harsh sound after I shoved the paper towels into the trashcan, preparing to leave the bathroom before Chan grabbed my arm to turn me back around. “What do you dislike so much?” Chan whined. “I don’t understand...I’m rich, handsome, smart...”

“All of it!” I interrupted with a harsh tone, and Chan immediately stumbled back against the sink. “You must not realize, but do you think those things matter to me? Because I can’t even consider them when your entire personality is unattractive! Your arrogant attitude, your stupid face, and that ridiculous curly hair!!”

“Are you insane?” Chan asked, and his bewildered expression would be funny under any other circumstances.

“I’m not done yet,” I sharply interjected. “It annoys me that you guys are allowed to do whatever you want at this school, and the whole red card deal? Where you give everyone a free pass to bully other students? Like it’s nothing? That’s the absolute worst thing about you!!”

“Y/N...”

“Do I need to repeat it?” I interrupted once more. “I hate everything about you!”

The harsh exclamation was met by silence as Chan continued to stare at me, and I decided to leave him alone in silence to think about everything I had said, rejoining my classmates with a sense of relief at having stood up to someone who considered himself as better than everyone else.

Day Fourteen

“You should come with me,” Suzy remarked one afternoon, sitting next to the poolside with me as I swam my regular laps.

“I’d rather not,” I said, pausing at the edge of the pool to consider her request - a night under the stars, as the school’s dance team had proclaimed it, and it was one of the biggest school events of the year.

“Why?” Suzy whined. “The F4 revoked your red card, and you can meet some more people...maybe even score some connections.”

“Right,” I scoffed, thinking the idea absurd, but I guess it wouldn’t seem so outrageous to the ones who had been dealing with these politics for their entire lives. “I’m not really that outgoing.”

“It’s okay,” Suzy reassured me, and I could tell that she really wanted me to come with her, which is probably why I felt compelled to agree. But her smile and cheering was worth it, especially considering just how good of a friend Suzy had proven to be during the past two weeks.

And that’s how I found myself walking up to the school’s gymnasium that weekend, wearing an uncomfortable black dress that Suzy had agreed to lend me for the occasion. “You look hot, Y/N,” Suzy said, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that my reflection reminded me too much of the time when Chan had brought me to his house to play dress-up.

“I can hear the music all the way out here,” I said, following Suzy up the gym steps.

“Yeah, this event isn’t regulated by the teachers, so it’s basically a free-for-all,” Suzy explained, and I desperately wished that I could find the appeal in that statement, especially once we entered the building, washing us in neon colors of purple and pink. “Let’s dance!” Suzy immediately cried, pulling me to the dance floor despite my protests.

Thankfully, I only had to awkwardly navigate the party scene for one song before Suzy became preoccupied with a very cute Senior boy from our homeroom. I was able to sneak away to the punch bowl, ladling some of the red liquid into my cup before bringing it to my lips. “Hmm,” I wondered, eyeing the drink because it tasted so familiar...”Oh well,” I said, shrugging as I proceeded to drain several more cups before sinking down against the wall, never noticing that a pair of eyes had been watching my every movement until a pair of Versace-toed boots stopped in front of me.

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” Chan remarked, and I was shocked that he had the guts to talk to me after honoring my request to be ignored for the past several days.

“What do you want?” I grumbled, reluctantly taking his outstretched hand to help me stand again because my vision was unusually blurry and my stomach was churning.

“The punch was spiked,” Chan said, chucking at my disheveled state.

“Spiked?” I repeated, finding myself totally incoherent as I leaned most of my weight against him. “When did that happen?”

“The Seniors do it as a prank,” Chan said, and his gaze seemed to soften as he held me close. “Do you want to sit down?”

“That would be nice,” I slurred, allowing him to guide me over to the bleachers where I dropped down with a thud!

“Damn, you’re pretty wasted,” Chan said, looking me over with an uncharacteristic amount of concern.

“I didn’t know...” I trailed off, pointing back at the punch bowl. “It tasted so good.”

“I bet it did,” Chan said, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he cleared his throat. “I saw that you came with your friend, but maybe you might want some company?”

“Sure!” I said, patting the space next to me. “You’ve caught me in a good mood.”

Chan grinned - a genuine smile that I could hardly recognize - as he sat down with a sigh. ��This doesn’t really seem like your type of scene.”

“Not really,” I agreed, narrowing my eyes when the room started swaying. “But you’re not my usual type of person.”

“Right,” Chan agreed, chuckling awkwardly as he messed up his hair - straightened instead of curly. “Maybe we could go somewhere else?”

I frowned because, even though I might’ve been a little more than tipsy, I still remembered that I didn’t like Chan, and there was no reason for me to go anywhere with him. “Are you intentionally ignoring everything I said from the other day?”

“No,” Chan murmured. “But I was hoping that I could give you space...and maybe a chance to prove myself?”

“Really?” I snorted. “How much have you changed since the last time we talked?”

“Probably not much,” Chan acknowledged, much to my surprise. “But after everything you said, maybe I’d like to? And I feel like you’re the only person who can be honest enough to help me.”

“Oh,” I replied, slightly disconcerted by Chan’s abrupt change in attitude. “Still, after everything you did...”

“I know I don’t deserve it,” Chan quickly agreed. “But I think you’re one of the rare kinds of people who believes in second chances.”

I exhaled loudly at his words, and in part to keep myself from throwing up after all the alcohol I ingested. “Where would we go?”

“What about a date at the diner downtown?” Chan asked, swallowing hard. “With me?”

“Let’s not call it a date,” I grimaced, and Chan agreed, even though it seemed to be a reluctant remission on his part. “But, yeah, that actually might be nice.”

“Perfect!” Chan said, and he was already on his feet with an energy that was impossible to ignore. “I’ll have Changbin tell your friend. Wait right here, and I’ll come back.”

“Okay,” I muttered, clutching my stomach as I watched Chan run off into the crowd. “Jeez, Y/N,” I groaned. “What are you doing with this guy?”

It might be one of the worst decisions of my life, but something he said struck a nerve deep inside of me. He might be unbearable, but he was right about one thing: people could always change, and I was the type of person who allowed second chances...just as long as someone was willing to earn it and prove themselves.

“Are we taking your car?” I asked, staggering against Chan’s hold as he brought us outside the gym.

“Yeah,” he said. “We can take my car, and you can sober up on the way.”

“Good idea,” I agreed, regretting the decision to drink so much of that stupid punch with every swaying step towards Chan’s expensive sports car.

He had the decency to open the door for me, and I fell inside with a grunt, waiting for him to turn over the ignition before he started fussing over me. “Do you need anything? Something to drink? Are you hot or cold? Should I turn on the music?”

“Don’t ask questions,” I gritted out - a response to everything while I leaned my head against the window.

“Got it,” Chan said, and he dutifully followed through on his promise, never speaking again until we pulled into the parking lot of the diner he had advertised earlier. “Do you feel any better?”

I nodded, an honest response. Because the drive had taken close to twenty minutes, and I had found a water bottle in the floor, downing the contents to settle my stomach and the wave of nausea that only alcohol could bring. “We can go inside,” I said, rolling my eyes when he made a show of coming around to help me out of the car, grabbing my arm despite my protests. “What is this place?” I asked when we walked inside, choosing an empty table near the back.

“My friends come here a lot,” Chan replied. “It’s quiet.”

“Quiet?” I laughed. “There’s no way it’s quiet if the whole school comes here.”

“They don’t,” Chan said, surprising me yet again. “Nobody knows we come here.”

He gave me a meaningful look, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that he was risking a lot by entrusting me with their secret. “Got it,” I said, miming myself closing a zipper across my lips (perhaps that was the drunkenness affecting my judgement).

But Chan still laughed, and then he went to the counter to order, leaving me to contemplate what the actual hell I was doing with the school’s literal celebrity who treated most people like shit, including me for a short while at the very beginning.

At this point, I really couldn’t blame the alcohol. So, what was wrong with me? Why was I doing this?

“Here,” Chan said, dropping a mug of something sweet down in front of me, effectively interrupting my internal conflict.

“Hot chocolate?” I asked, and I was definitely caught off-guard as Chan shrugged and sat down in front of me.

“I thought you might prefer this,” he admitted.

“Oh...” I started, searching for a good response. “Thanks?”

“You’re welcome,” Chan said, and he smiled as he watched me taste the foam resting on top. “Is it good?”

“It’s nice,” I admitted, and Chan had the appearance of someone who had just landed an acceptance to their dream college.

“You’re different from the others,” Chan said, switching the topic. “I like that about you, and it makes me regret everything I’ve done even more.”

“Yeah,” I huffed. “That red card shit needs to stop.”

“I agree,” Chan said, bringing his mug even closer. “My friends have wanted to stop for a while...”

“They’re way smarter than you,” I said, tilting my head to the side as if it might give me a different vantage point of the confusing boy sitting in front of me. “Did you really want to come here with me?”

Chan nodded, eyes gleaming. “You’re interesting,” he decided, mirroring the exact same thing that Changbin had said to me a while back. “I think I like you a lot, which is why what you said to me at my house and in the bathroom really made me reconsider a lot of things.”

“Oh?” I questioned him, amused by his reasoning, and possibly even endeared by his regretful expression. “I might learn to like you...” I trailed off, laughing at his puppy-dog eyes as he looked at me with obvious desperation. “If you learn to behave.”

“Is that so?” Chan remarked, and his smile was perfectly sincere. “Well, I think you’re the best person to teach me.”

And despite our complicated history together - unwinding after such a brief amount of time in one another’s company - I was more than willing to try for the very strange boy who was starting to show me the intricate layers underneath all the wealth and arrogance - a mere façade for something better, the potential for good if a brave enough person was careful enough to find it.

End of Part One

#bang chan fanfic #stayverse #skzwriternet #stayracha #chan fanfic #stray kids chan #stray kids chan fanfic #bang chan imagines #stray kids imagines #bang chan scenarios #stray kids scenarios #bang chan oneshot #stray kids oneshot #boys over flowers au #skz au #skz x y/n #chan x y/n #mostlycompetent #requested

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avyssoseleison · 3 years

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Funnily enough I was going through a lot of your old fics yesterday for nostalgia reasons and now can't stop thinking high school enemies to lovers deancas ideally with some punk!cas nerd!dean maybe? Fully understand if that prompt doesn't tickle your fancy though

Please enjoy these 3.2k of enemies to homework buddies!

“Winchester.”

Dean will ignore him.

“Hey, Winchester!”

Dean will most definitely ignore him. Just keep on walking. If Novak thinks he can’t hear him, surely he’ll leave him alone. He’ll go bother someone else, and Dean will finally be free of him.

“Winchester!”

Dean hears, but doesn’t listen. He starts humming to himself when there’s suddenly a hand on his shoulder, ripping him out of his thoughts.

“Hey, I’m talking to you, you assbutt!”

And there he is, of course: Castiel Novak. With his dumb boots and even dumber leather jacket, and, dumbest of all, that small little frown that slowly morphs into a way too pleased smile the longer Dean glares at him.

Christ.

By the time when Novak’s smile turns into a full-blown grin, Dean finally musters up the strength to look away. The soft rustle of tree crowns in the distance reminds him of what a great morning he has been having, and what a perfect day it could have been, had Novak decided to leave him alone. As it is, his day might turn out a bit marred, after all. A bit more normal, perhaps.

“‘Assbut’?” Dean quips, way too late. “What kinda insult is that?”

“What kind of delayed comeback is this?” Novak counters.

“It’s not as delayed as your…” Dean doesn’t really know enough about Novak to be able to insult him in any meaningful way, and what he knows of him, he doesn’t want to use. So, instead, he finishes lamely with, “...development.”

Novak could not look any less impressed, especially because the raise of his eyebrow alone continues their little banter in a manner that clearly suggests that if anyone’s development is delayed, it has to be Dean’s. However, that level of insult is apparently not one Novak deigns to lower himself to, as he continues to look smug while busying himself with lighting a cigarette and blowing out a lungful of smoke with obvious relish.

Dean makes a face and pointedly waves his hand in front of his face. “Smoking’s bad for you,” he simply states, making Novak chuckle lightly.

“So’s a lot of things, if society is to be believed. I am not much of a believer, though, and I do enjoy the small pleasures in life.”

The small, self-satisfied smile Novak shoots him sends a strange feeling through Dean’s body, from his lips down to his very toes, and everything in-between.

Dean swallows. “What do you want, Novak?”

“Oh, nothing much.” Novak takes a drag while trotting along Dean who starts moving again, trying to put some distance between himself and the self-proclaimed anarchist. “I just have a small favor to ask you,” he says, sounding as though whatever he is asking for is actually not that small at all.

“Again?” Dean grumbles, thinking of Novak quickly copying his homework last week, secluded in that small parking lot that no one but Novak and some people in the know ever seem to use, and of what Novak did in return. “I’m not doing you any more favors, man,” Dean scoffs, and stomps on.

Nonetheless, Novak stays hot on his heels.

“Why not?” Novak presses, “I’m not asking for much -- I just need today’s Math homework. I didn’t hear Mr. Singer give us any, but Meg just told me he wanted us to solve like 15 fucking problems, and she didn’t do them either.“

“Of course not.“ Anything else would’ve been shocking enough — if Novak has a bad reputation, Meg Masters‘ is even worse. All kinds of rumors are going around about her, ranging from drug use to prostitution to downright witchcraft. Although Dean cannot confirm nor deny any of the rumors, he is inclined to believe most of them. And Meg Masters herself would probably laughingly accept any accusations -- she is that kind of person. And although Dean cannot help but grudgingly respect her for her attitude, he also resents her for it: and how could he not, when he works so hard to do what is asked of him, and stick to the rules? Yeah, the only way someone like Meg could shock Dean would be to actually do her homework for a change.

“Now, now,“ Novak chides playfully, even if it doesn’t seem like he cares all that much about it. “Meg does her best.“

“Just like you do, huh?“

At that, Novak‘s grin turns darker, a bit more dangerous. “So harsh, Winchester. I think you know better than most how sometimes, things are not as easy as they seem. That circumstances are different for everyone.“

“Yeah, yeah,“ Dean dismisses, with a pang in his chest, though he gets it. Unfortunately, he really does. “Anyway, I won’t give you the homework.“

“Why not?“

“Because why would I? I don’t like you and you only hit me up when you need stuff from me. Besides...“ he begins, then swallows back a proper explanation. “You know why.“

“Oh, I do?“

“You damn well know you do.“

“Hmm, alright.“ Novak takes another drag, unbothered. “Listen, if you give me today’s homework, I’ll make it worth your while.“

“Not interested,“ Dean says, already having a hunch of where this is going.

“No? Could be something similar to last time. You liked last time’s payment, didn’t you?” Novak asks, and it’s just like Dean expected.

Dean avidly fixes his gaze on the school building, still hidden behind some trees, but not too far off anymore. He will be safe there -- Novak would never dream of bothering him where anyone else could see.

“I fucking did not,” he argues, already feeling heat creep into his cheeks.

“Really? I could’ve sworn you did, what with all the blushing and squirming and your pants going--”

“Novak!” Dean barks with a swelling sense of despair. His entire face feels hot by now, and is probably as red as a tomato, “I sure as hell did not enjoy whatever you call ‘payment’ for last week. Besides, I wouldn’t even call it ‘payment’ so much as fucking ‘harassment’.”

There is a beat of silence. Then, “Are you serious?” Novak asks, in an unidentifiable tone of voice.

“‘Harassment’, ‘molestation’, ‘taking advantage’,” Dean recites, enjoying this now that he is gaining momentum. “You call it payment, I call it an affront, and--”

“Is that really what you think, Winchester?” Novak cuts in at the same time he stands still, his eyebrows drawn together in an unfamiliarly serious way. “That I harassed you?”

Dean stops as well. He looks back at Novak, his straight back and straightforward face, the way that he seems not just annoyed by the accusation, as Dean would have expected, but unsettled. As if he were taking Dean’s half-joke seriously, and reconsidering his own course of action.

Guilt wells up in Dean, and he holds his hands up in reassurance. “I didn’t--” he doesn’t know how to actually finish that sentence, so he just leaves it hanging.

There is nothing to say there, not really. What Dean said was half in jest, and half in… half in what he knows anyone else would think of the situation, or should think. It’s what Dean himself should think: that it was unexpected, unwanted, unreciprocated. That his animosity towards Novak just grew over it, that he truly hates him now. That there was no part of Dean that enjoyed any of it, no part of him that longs to do it again.

Novak keeps staring at him, though, reassessing. His stillness is as unnerving as his little smiles and contemplative looks usually are, even if in different ways. Regardless, he seems to come to some sort of conclusion as he takes in Dean’s still figure, the flush in his cheeks and whatever else there is to see, since he suddenly steps forward, closer towards him again.

“Harassment, was it?” Novak says, now with cold fire burning in his eyes that takes away Dean’s breath for just a moment. “Because I do seem to remember that you were the one who not only told me it was okay if I gave you a kiss on the cheek, but turned it into something more. By turning your head, parting your lips, not letting me go. You were the one who slipped me the tongue and kept going and going. You were the one who begged me to do more, kiss you more, touch you more, fu--”

“No!” Dean interrupts him, with burning cheeks and a stomach that has already dropped all the way down. “S-Stop making shit up, Novak. You know I’m not like that -- I’m not like you --, so I’d really appreciate it if you could leave me out of your fantasies. You were the one who harassed me--”

“--I just said--”

“--who pushed me to give him my homework in the first place--”

“--I asked you if it was okay to--”

“--and who made me do something I sure as hell neither enjoyed nor wanna do again.”

“Oh, really?” Novak asked, raising an eyebrow, in what might constitute a challenge or a feeling of false imputation, or both. “So, if I told you I’d love to kiss you again if you let me copy your math homework, you’d tell me no? Would what, cry harassment again if I dared touch so much as your wrist or even came close to you again? Or,” he continues, voice dropping into a darker tone while he does indeed inch closer towards Dean, close enough to touch him, and who remains where he is, rooted to the spot, “would you tell someone about it? Mr. Singer, perhaps? Or the counselor? Hmm, one thing’s for sure, though.” He laughs, but there’s no humor behind it. It sounds pained, even to Dean’s ears, knowing. “You wouldn’t tell your dad, would you? That you made out with a guy, and liked it? That you wouldn’t mind doing it again, given the right circumstances, some good excuse? Such as taking the long way to where you’ve parked your car, past the small parking lot you know where mine is and where I usually hang out? So that, I don’t know, perhaps I might come over when I see you, and all you had to do was bat your long lashes at me, bite your pretty lips, and wait for me to make a move again?”

It feels as if all the air is sucked out of Dean’s lungs. Standing there in front of Novak, feeling the heat of both his words and his body, he feels seen-through, known; and as lacerated and repugnant as an open wound.

Dean wants to draw back into himself, into his safe shell, but he can’t. “You’re ridiculous, man,” is all he can mumble out in return as he twists his gaze away from Novak.

They remain there like this for God knows how long. Dean, looking somewhere between their feet and Novak’s almost heaving chest, and Novak, with his face hidden from Dean’s view, but his hands clenched into fists.

By the time Novak’s hands open again, it feels as though an hour has passed, though it probably were mere minutes.

“Alright,” Novak blows out on a breath, “let me make you a deal. Just so we’re on the same page, and we’re both absolutely clear on what is okay and what might be harassment or anything of the sort.”

Hearing Novak say that word again revives the feelings of guilt in Dean, but he knows he’s made his bed, so now he has to lie in it. So, he swallows and nods, feeling all of his body tense. “What kinda deal?”

“It goes like this: you either refuse to let me copy your homework and I won’t ever touch, much less kiss, you ever again. I’ll leave you alone. Or, you allow me to copy today’s homework at the very least, so Mr. Singer won’t call my foster home again, and you can choose whatever payment you want, as long as it’s somewhat reasonable. Money, cigarettes, beer, anything you want me to do, you name it. As long as you name it. I won’t give you what you’re not explicitly asking for.”

Dean frowns. “What? How is that a deal? It’s either you win or I do, no in-between. I mean, fine by me, but you get nothing out of it, so what gives?”

“It’s not that bad of a deal,“ Novak says, finally flinging his cigarette to the ground and grinding it out.

He gives no further explanation, though, which gets on Dean’s nerves even more. “You suck at coming up with deals, you know that?“

“Not really,“ Novak says, shrugging a little. “As I see it, it‘s win-win for you and win-lose for me. Which, for me, too: is fine. It all depends on what you want.” There’s something strangely soft in the way he is looking at Dean, something almost wistful. “And on whether you’ll actually express it.”

Put on the spot yet not, there isn’t much for Dean to do but nod in acquiescence. He’d like to pretend he still doesn’t get what Novak is going for, but he does, deep down. It’s both an in and an out -- what he was hoping for, but couldn't have asked for. Now he has to ask for what he wants, and if he doesn’t, he won’t get it. And he’s not sure he can. Not when there’s rules and expectations and the shadow of a man larger than Dean, larger than life itself, endlessly looming over him.

“Okay,” Dean says, pinching the bridge of his nose. Novak keeps staring at him in that stiffly intense way of his. “Alright. I mean, it probably would be pretty bad if you turned up without homework again, huh? Last I heard, you got into some pretty dire straits when Mr. Singer called your foster home, right?”

Novak huffs out a sound of amusement, his shoulders sinking in what looks like relief. “You’re well-informed.”

A furious blush threatens to stain Dean’s cheeks again. “It’s just what I heard. People talk. About you. And, uh, everyone else, I guess.”

There it is again, that soft expression. And Dean thinks he might recognize it now, impossible enough: Novak looks fond.

“They do,” Novak agrees, showing no offense at any possible implications of him being the talk of the school, which he most definitely is. “And yes, it was ‘pretty bad’, as you’ve said. I’d much rather not have a repeat performance.”

“Easy way to avoid it.”

“Yes, I’m working on it at the very moment.”

In spite of himself, Dean huffs out a laugh. “I meant doing your own damn homework. I know you’re smart enough to do it, even if you barely show up in class. You ace all the tests even when you weren’t there, so I don’t believe you couldn’t just as well hand in your homework if you fucking wanted to.”

Novak hums in open amusement. “Is that your own observation or people talking again?”

Feeling as though caught with his hand in the cookie jar, Dean just lamely stammers out a, “It’s-- it’s common knowledge, okay?” before setting into motion again.

Novak’s laughter follows him the first few steps, then he is beside him again.

“Who knows, maybe you’re right and I could take care of my own homework. But maybe I like not doing so, and asking certain other people for it instead.”

It’s obvious what -- or rather, who -- he means by that, that Dean is pretty sure his skin will never be anything but pink again. “Oh yeah?” he needles, “You got many people doing your homework? Giving them the same payment, too?”

“No,” Novak replies surprisingly quickly, “there’s only one person, and only one time I offered that type of payment.”

For a minute, they walk in silence as they almost reach the stairs of the school house. There’s few other people around, most of them just entering the building or looking at their phones, unheeding of the pair.

“So, we have a deal?” Novak eventually asks into their waiting silence.

“You can have today’s homework,” Dean relents, holding out on what he knows Novak is actually going for.

“Thank you, Dean,” Novak says with a gummy smile.

The sound of his name stirs Dean him up a bit more, reminding him of the only other time when Novak called him by his first name: when he was crowding Dean up against a wall, removing his glasses, and kissing his cheek so softly that Dean needed more, needed to be closer to this other guy, to this enigma of a person.

“Don’t mention it,” Dean mumbles.

“As for your payment…?” Novak probes, though with his voice in a whisper as they are close enough to other people now that they might otherwise be overheard.

“Don’t know yet,” Dean says, his voice clipped.

“I’m sure you already have something in mind.“ It’s completely uncalled for Novak to say this in such a low and heady way.

“Maybe you do, but I don’t.“ He doesn’t know, he thinks. He can’t, is why. He won’t, he tells himself.

“Dean,” Novak says, using his first name again, as if they were friends or something more, sounding intimate in the most casual way, and that does it.

“Damnit, Novak, I want—“ Dean bursts out.

Novak looks at him in expectation, all of him turned towards Dean, listening.

He won’t, he won’t, he can’t.

Can’t he?

“—time,“ Dean finishes lamely.

Novak pulls a face that clearly says, ‘I’m not mad, just disappointed.’

Which is all the worse.

“Listen, Novak, you… you might be right.“ Dean pulls a face. “I can’t believe I just said that. But yeah, I might have an idea of what I want, what I’d like to have,” he pointedly does not look at the other boy or anything else but straight towards the school. “But you’re also right in that my dad wouldn’t— I can’t--” He swallows, tries to shake the thought out of his head, but it unfortunately stays stuck. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll think about it, okay?”

“You will?” Novak asks, sounding hopeful.

“Yeah, sure. Maybe.“ He blows out his breath, scrubs a hand through his own hair, and continues, “Might take me some time, though. Maybe a long time. Maybe forever.“ He laughs mirthlessly. “So, today’s homework might actually turn out to be a freebie for you.”

The expression on Novak‘s face is hard to read, but undeniably one he usually does not show in public. For a second there, Dean thinks Novak wants to reach for him: his hand lifts and opens just so, swerving in his direction. Before anything comes off it, though, he drops his hand again, burrows it in his pocket and says, “Take all the time you need, Dean.“

He might have to, Dean thinks. Probably nothing will come of this, not right now, maybe not for as long as he is as young as he is, dependent on his father’s will, bound to him for freedom. Perhaps, though, some other time, in some distant future, or hidden behind some bleachers, he might find a taste of liberation, or the touch of Novak’s lips again.

Dean turns away from the other boy as the school bell rings, the call-back to the present not quite as oppressive with blue eyes and a soft smile still impressed on his mind.

#simpingfortimstoker #miriam writes #destiel #punk!cas #nerd!dean #spn #oooooooh boy this was a pain and a half to write #not because of the prompt itself but because i wrote the story in chunks over a couple of days #and about halfway through the tone suddenly changed so i had to readjust (rewrite) what i already had #and ive been struggling to make this into something that i like #but i actually like how this turned out (and am shocked by its length lmao)#and i hope you like it as well!#funnily enough i usually skip punk cas stuff but when i read your prompt an idea immediately came to mind #and i was like 'yeah lets give this a try!!'#fanfiction

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