#why does that feel like it's an impossible option here? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

antiherotheantisocial · 1 year

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hm...villain era 👹🖤🧌🪨🪰🦠

'i love deep convos' shut the hell up what the hell is a deep convo what y'all even talking about the unexplored shit in the ocean?.....what's down there 🫣...my soulmate?...heaven???....hint hint wink wink nudge kick 🫣 wait...it couldn't be.....i thought...since y'all're always talking about it i thought.......no....it actually exists???........they found.....PUS-😳😳😳???

the thing i like most about myself is that i'm honest with myself. i'm never too harsh, never too relaxed, never too overtly understanding nor allowing, but always tolerant enough knowing that i need room to grow.

i really don't think love will happen to me which is why i'm so against that entire toxic positivity notion....i think love devoid of intentionality towards the specific person may perhaps be a...type of love....but it's not what i want and it is never good enough for me. it never has felt like it's ever enough which makes me loathe it all the more and if anything it's always left me pathetically desperate for more..

i think it usually makes my paranoia worse actually. i don't like when people pity me and that's what so much of how showing love is discussed.....like you pity them. like they can't do it on their own. i don't like when people attempt to do it subtly either. i actually think that's worse and it makes me even angrier faster. who caaaaaaaaares leave me aaaaaalone....

i complain a bunch about yearning but i don't really mind it i don't think. i feel safer yearning than letting people hurt me because i can never be good enough for them even though they never want to be honest about that. i'm honest about it so why can't other people be honest about it too? it just sucks knowing a person more than what they know of themself...i think a lot of people never really, honestly and truly....sit with their feelings and question why they want to challenge certain things about me. it feels like the pity thing again, wanting to fix me but i've tried and tried and tried once more endlessly... and i'm not traumatized in any way and there was never a clear cause for why i turned out this way which means you need to accept that i can never be your little pet project....i think when i warn people off it probably...looks like a self-fulfilling prophecy but i think it's just being honest about my past and how i've been treated before. like i know people like you and they don't enjoy me so i probably wouldn't be recommended for you to spend time on. how is that in any way rude of me? and anyways, i don't like giving people who never intentionally cared about me that control to fuck with my already fragile ego.

i think it's fine. i'd rather be lonely than look like a fool lmaoo...i think it hurts because i make it so easy to love me but no one of whom i've wanted really ever......tried.. so maybe i just like coming here dumping my depressing ass feelings knowing that no one really cares and if they do there's nothing they can do to fix it.....so what? so you don't like my blog because i'm secretly guilt tripping everyone that attempts to speak to me on here??? 🥺 why is no one ever on my side 🥹🙃😢

an aside, but i hate the word fickle. decide that you want to love me. don't do it solely because you feel like it. if you actually knew what love was you'd be willing and wanting to do it when you don't feel like it too absolute fucking piece of shit. i want love for me not just simply because i'm a human. anyhow i wish i could type fuck like one of those death metal fonts you know that's how this entire aside makes me feel. grrrrrrrr RAWR. hehehe that too omgggg 🥰💞💕💕💕

ok bye. 😐

#sorry for posting on my blog it's just that i haven't been getting the attention i want. maybe i should leave it to my sideblog lololololol #like i want to post but i feel like because there's such high speech of the acclaimed'bond of mutuals' i have to appease to y'all..#when like half of y'all don't even like my blog 💀💀#anyways if i end up softblocking you sorry i probably will lurk after the fact because i do care....but lmaoo #lol i love how immediately once i feel bad i start posting manipulative ass shit hehehe #i'm so tired of not having a mutual to be in love with i hate you all.#i mean i will regret this because it's not that serious but i won't because it's not that serious.#lmao if i saw someone else making this post i'd be like damn calm down go outside but it's me and i have in fact..been outside.#wait i think i've said before how i know it's like impossible but i want the option to block people from following me back #it's like a fucking pity follow lmaoo you don't even like what i post booooooo get outta here!!#like........i'd rather have someone interact with 15 of my posts and not follow than have someone never interact with anything i post...#i'm not even like......posting my own content either so i feel like that makes it worse.......#if you pity follow back explain why 🫣 do you feel obligated to follow back.......i don't get it...#lmaooo actually i feel like someone would read this and think that it's because i'm chronically online but #i think the opposite is true. why would i monitor someone i don't care about when i have free time?........#does that even make sense?.....to me it doesn't...........#yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawncore bye ✌️😐#anyways as usual if you ever see me having a breakdown just ignore me i will be a complete asshole about it but #i am just fishing for attention even tho i don't actually like nor want it heheeeee ;)))))))))#god it sucks. wanting attention but hating it and wanting praise but hating it yessssss girl never be clear in your wants 🤩🤩#🚨‼️ bad bitch alert ‼️🚨 having cconfusingly onflicting wants???? yesssssss girl go AWFF 🤩😍🤩😍🤩😍🤩😍🤩#ok that's it bye i guess 😐#aaaaaaaand scene!#were you entertained 😐#damn not the typo too 😳🫦💦🥵🥵🥵#my period is about to drop sometime soon probably. i mean the other times i've done this just cause but i'll use any excuse i can get 🤪🥦#this is very much.....hm............ew of me..😐....

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disneyprincemuke · 6 months

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count on us * fem!driver

she often forgets that she’s got a support system she can ask for help from

pairings: sebastian vettel x fem!driver, max verstappen x fem!driver, oscar piastri x fem!driver, logan sargeant x fem!driver

warnings: stalking, mentions of violence, cursing

notes: i think it's so funny how i took so long to write this that i'm only writing a note like 5 minutes after posting this LMFAO

(series masterlist) | (📂 the rookie season)

sebastian looks up from his phone, the noticeable lack of a woman’s voice finally sinking in. now that he thinks about it, it’s been suspiciously too long for his driver to be missing.

he raises an eyebrow as he scans the garage for the familiar face, but alludes to nothing.

he presses his lips together, silently exiting the garage to find himself in the paddocks. sending her a quick text to ask her where she is, he puts the phone into his back pocket as he makes it a mission to find the small girl.

in the crowd of people who are heads taller than her, it’s deem an almost impossible mission.

“hey, seb,” max greets him with a nod and a smile, almost passing him nonchalantly.

until sebastian reaches out to stop him. “have you seen (y/n)?”

“i have not,” max frowns. “is something wrong?”

“yeah,” sebastian turns in a circle where he is, gesturing to the empty space by him, “my shadow is missing.”

max raises his eyebrows. “that’s true. she’s usually always around you.”

“if you see her, can you give me a call?” sebastian asks. max gives him a nod before bidding him a goodbye.

he spends the better part of the next twenty minutes trying to spot her, walking the paddocks twice for good measure. yet she is nowhere to be found.

he’s asked four more different drivers if they’ve chanced upon her presence, yet there is nobody that’s seen her.

not logan, and not even oscar. which is odd.

not even a response from you. so, he goes to the one place he hasn’t tried: her driver’s room. she doesn’t frequent staying in too long on media day, claiming that she’s trying to get used to the environment of formula 1.

which, is actually working. there are times she’s able to roam the paddocks and go to interviews by herself. but half the time, sebastian or someone else does an interview with her as a calming tactic.

he knocks on her door once and goes without an answer. he knocks another time before he hears shuffling from the other side of the door.

the door squeaks open, the shorter woman peeking through the small opening she’s allowed. “yeah?”

“i’ve been looking for you everywhere. why aren’t you texting me back?” sebastian asks, looking the door up and down. “and why won’t you open the door all the way?”

“just wasn’t feeling well,” she says softly with a sigh. her head is dropped low, as if to avoid any forms of eye contact. “my room is a mess.”

“you’re not well? why didn’t you tell me?” sebastian questions with the raise of his eyebrow. “can you let me in? let’s talk in private.”

she presses her lips together, as if considering her options. ultimately, she shakes her head. “we can talk here.”

“kid, you’re being very weird. i’m concerned and-“ he pauses, dropping his head slightly to meet her puffy eyes. “have you been crying?”

she tilts her head away from him and lets her hair drop to the side of her face. “none of your business, seb.”

sebastian sighs, leaning on the door frame. “if something is wrong, you can talk to me, you know? i won’t tell anybody.”

“just the hormones,” she croaks, still avoiding his eyes. “i’ll come out in a while for my interviews. i just need a while.”

he hums. “okay. i’ll be in the garage waiting for you, okay? text me when you’re coming out.”

“okay.” and then she closes the door on him.

oscar steps right by the garage’s entrance, careful not to cross the line that would consider him inside. “seb.”

sebastian pops up from behind the car. “oscar! what’s up?”

“(y/n) hasn’t been picking up my calls,” he admits with a sigh. “i’ve been trying to get a hold of her since we arrived on tuesday. have you got any idea where she is?”

“what?” sebastian glances at his watch. “she should’ve been out of her room by now. hasn’t she got an interview with you and logan?”

“that’s why i’m looking for her,” oscar frowns. “i had to ask lando to go first and cover for us. logan and i have been texting her but she never answers.”

“she’s been acting weird all day,” sebastian voices out in concern. “i swear she looked like she was crying when i dropped by her driver’s room earlier.”

“crying? that doesn’t happen often,” oscar mutters. “has she told you what’s bothering her?”

“she just shut the door on me and said she’d be out in a while,” sebastian shrugs. “what do you think is wrong with her?”

“i’m okay,” a small voice comes from behind sebastian. the two men turn their attention to her with puzzled expressions on their faces. “what?”

“no shorts for you today, mate?” oscar asks, eyeing her up and down. “it’s not that cold out today. why the sweatpants and jacket?”

“repping your team today, aye?” sebastian teases, reaching out to nudge her shoulder. “getting into the racing spirit, i see.”

“these were the only clean clothes i had in my bag,” she sighs, rubbing her eye. “i woke up late and i didn’t pack my bag last night. this was all i had in my driver’s room.”

“you could’ve asked me for a shirt,” sebastian shrugs. “you don’t have to get all warm in a jacket.”

“i’m alright, thank you,” she smiles politely. she grins at oscar. “we’re late for the interview, right? let’s go?”

oscar nods, watching in disbelief as she walks past him to get ahead. “yeah,” he says under his breath. exchanging a worried glance with sebastian, he quickly jogs to catch up with her. “hey, wait for me.”

“thank you so much for your time, and good luck for the weekend,” the interviewer smiles.

the three rookies mutter a mix of thank you’s. notably, the girl sat between the two boys stands up with her hands in her pockets.

“hey, are you on mute today? what’s got you so quiet?” logan calls out to the girl who’s already halfway out the door, slowly standing from his own seat.

“nothing, i’m just tired,” she answers monotonously, turning on her heel. “can you guys walk me back to my garage today? i know you haven’t in a while, and like, you don’t actually have to. i’m capable of walking the paddocks myself. but i thought it would be–“

oscar holds up his hands in front of her. “we’ll walk you back. no need to explain yourself.”

she huffs, dropping her head low again. “okay. thank you.”

logan raises his eyebrow. “you’re not fighting with me today?”

“just really tired,” she repeats, then putting the hood of her jacket over her head. “have you guys eaten? wanna go to the cafeteria with me and grab a bite?”

“i’ve got an interview panel in like 5 minutes,” oscar frowns, slinging his arm around her shoulder. “i’m sorry. maybe logan can go with you?”

“i’ve got to film some marketing stuff with alex for williams,” logan mirrors the frown on oscar’s face. “how about we go dinner right after? it’s my last commitment of the day.”

“oh, mine too.”

“then that’s okay. i’ll just eat in my hotel room.”

the disappointment that laces her voice is prominent enough for the two young boys to exchange a worried glance.

so, logan bends down with a warm smile. typically, his snide remarks and playful tone would have been enough to get a confession out of her. so he takes the route. “where’s the remote for your chatterbox function? i want it turned up.”

“maybe tomorrow, logan. i’m very tired,” she dismisses the american, eyes still trained on her feet as they walk.

“come on, seriously,” oscar grabs her shoulders, planting her on the spot while they surround her. “what’s wrong?”

“literally nothing,” she glances up, looking into their eyes briefly. she drops her head once more and walks around them to continue making her way down the pathway.

“you’ve got to tell us someday,” oscar mutters to logan, following behind her. “you eventually give us hints, you know.”

“i won’t,” she whips back quickly, “because nothing is wrong. i’m just feeling a little under the weather.”

“you’re not fighting with me, so i don’t know, dude,” logan whispers, eyes wide at her sudden change in behaviour. “not sure which version of you i like more. i miss your chaos.”

“stop worrying,” she huffs, coming to a stop in front of her racing home. “i’ll see you guys tomorrow, okay? i’m heading back to the hotel early.”

she doesn’t wait for an answer, just turns on her heel to walk towards her doors.

oscar reaches out quickly, pulling her back towards them. “i’m only letting you go if you promise to stop ignoring our texts in the groupchat.”

“yeah, it’s sad talking to myself,” logan frowns. “oscar’s not a great texter. and he doesn’t even watch my tiktoks.”

“yeah, i do! i just don’t answer.”

“really? what tiktok did i send last?”

“that one edit about that banana cat!”

“liar! (y/n) sent that like a week ago! oscar!”

“well, you send too many! i can’t possibly sit down and watch 20 tiktoks, logan!”

“this is not what we should be worried about right now!” logan says, turning to the girl staring up at them with doe eyes. “watch my tiktoks. seriously.”

she smiles, yet the sadness in her eyes is so unmissable. “okay, i promise. and i’ll text you when i’m back in my hotel room.”

“you better actually text us,” oscar scoffs with an eyeroll. “i know your room number. i will come up and tear your room apart if you don’t.”

“okay,” she laughs. “i will remember to text you.”

she sits quietly at the dinner table, phone buzzing the table off as she continues to gobble down her chicken wing. she stares at the table blankly as she chews consistently.

“are you not gonna pick up your phone?” max asks, putting his spoon and fork down on the plate.

the constant buzzing had been going on for almost 5 minutes, and at first, he wasn’t going to say anything. but isn’t 5 minutes too long to leave your phone unanswered if there is a possible pressing matter at hand?

“oh, i’m sorry. i hadn’t noticed,” she says softly, grabbing her phone. she glances at the screen and all the colours from her face visibly drains and she puts the phone down on her lap. “sorry.”

“it’s something wrong? why didn’t you pick up?” max asks, continuing his meal.

“just the family groupchat going off as always after my interviews for the day,” she laughs nervously, returning to her state of blank stares and eating her dinner. “i’ll answer them later.”

“isn’t dalton gonna nag your head off if you don’t answer now?” oscar chuckles.

they had managed to convince the girl to come out for dinner. but it’s only sparked up more concern between him and sebastian as she opted to be out in her team merch again.

that’s after she swore up and down that she wouldn’t be caught dead in them in normal circumstances where they’re not needed. which also raised max’s eyebrows when he walked into the restaurant and was shocked by the striking purple that made their table stand out amongst the rest.

“he can wait a while longer,” she shrugs.

max pouts his lips. “why are you in team merch, anyway?” he asks, reaching out to pull on the material of her jacket. “you made fun of me for like 4 days straight when you realised i wear red bull merch too often.”

“i have to say i kinda get where you’re coming from,” she answers calmly. “they’re very comfortable.”

“comf–“ max looks around the table in disbelief. “you said that even if they’re comfortable, they’re not very ‘going out’ outfits. what?”

she turns to look at him, bored. “i changed my mind. you’re actually right.”

max sinks into his seat. “what’s gone wrong with the world?”

yuki had been minding his own business, scrolling on instagram when he heard a familiar squeak by a quiet corner outside the paddock’s gantries.

“hey, leave me alone!” a hushed voice says, before he hears shoes thumping against the floor. “i’ll give you the stupid pass if you never bother me again.”

“c’mon. that wasn’t the only agreement we came to. you have to let me take you out on a date,” a deeper voice says.

“yeah, not a chance! you think stalking me for two races and sending me unsolicited pictures would help your chances?” he recognises that voice.

he peeks over the corner, eyebrows raising in shock when he sees the driver push the unnamed man away from her.

“and if you weren’t scared of what i have in here,” he lifts up his hand to show her something, “then you wouldn’t have answered my messages.”

there’s silence for a while, before she grunts. “fine, whatever. here’s your pass. leave me alone in the paddocks, seriously.”

yuki studies the man’s face, before scrambling to walk away from where he is. he hums, walking as fast as he can to the gantry without looking suspicious.

when she pops up next to him, chest heaving with a sweaty forehead, she smiles. “hi, yuki.”

so he smiles back. “hi.”

and then he makes a sharp left after entering the paddocks, on his way to find max. the driver had mentioned the girl acting suspicious and asking a favour of him and daniel to keep an eye on her.

he never actually expected to be the one who find out.

“i think i know what’s bothering her,” yuki says softly, pulling max away from gp with an apologetic smile. he’s thankful that the engineers had been working on the car. he doesn’t have to hush himself so much after all. “i saw her… right outside the paddocks just a while ago.”

“seriously? you didn’t fucking tell us someone was harassing you?”

she sighs, arms folded over her chest as she looks between the men towering over her. she sinks into the comfort of her beanbag chair, defeated by their efforts to find out what’s wrong.

“and we had to find out from yuki because he was fortunate enough to overhear your conversation outside the paddocks?” sebastian shouts. “what the hell! that’s so dangerous.”

“he has pictures from my cloud, seb! that means screenshots of our conversations and my private pictures! i can’t risk that getting out! i’m hated enough as it is!” she explains, trying to reason out before getting another scolding. “can you please see where i’m coming from here?”

“no, because meeting him all by yourself is absolutely fucking insane!” logan throws his hands in the air, trying to make her see how ridiculous the whole situation is. “dude, you could’ve been mauled! nobody even saw you leave the paddocks.”

“imagine what could’ve happened to you? what would we tell your parents?” max adds on, hands on his hips. “this was very reckless.”

“i-“

“and if he planned to physically hurt you, what were you planning on doing?” logan cuts her off, hands on his hips as he grows more frustrated. “did you actually have a plan or were you just winging it?”

“it’s not even that. the way you thought this was even a good idea is beyond me!” sebastian tugs at the roots of his hair. “you should have told somebody!”

tears start to fill her eyes, lips pouted out as they start to quiver. the harassment had started about two weeks ago during their previous race.

initially, she had marked out the instagram dm to be from a spam account. until they sent her a picture only she would be in possession of: her and logan at a beach club from when he was 20 and she was 18 in barcelona.

suddenly the messages and the threats didn’t stop. she couldn’t only think of the repercussions it would have on her career, but everybody else’s who is involved in her life.

her cloud includes a collection of screenshots from their most ludicrous conversations and night outs.

“hey, i was only doing that to protect everybody i know!” she shouts, tears starting to spill out of her eyes. “there’s pictures and screenshots i’m sure each and everyone of you would like out of the public eye! i’ve got a fucking video of you,” she points at max, “giving daniel a lap dance in zandvoort!”

she points at logan, “and you,” then oscar, “and you wrestling to push each other into the pool in your underwear from years back!”

she turns to sebastian. “and you drunkenly crying because you regret retiring from formula 1!” she pushes herself off the seat. “i didn’t know what else to do. i’m sorry, but i didn’t see it going any other way than me caving in to what he wanted me to do.”

“i don’t know, get a fucking lawyer and sue his ass?” max asks.

“yeah, i’ve not got the funds for that! thanks for noticing!” she screams at the older driver, stomping her feet into the ground. “god, i didn’t know what to do, okay?”

she looks at the man in the corner of her room, leaning against the wall staring at the ground blankly with his arms in the pockets of his shorts.

“well, you’re awfully quiet, aren’t you?” she points out. “nothing else to add on with everybody’s criticism of how i seem to have mishandled the situation?”

oscar looks up, meeting her eyes for a split second before looking away again. he presses his lips together. “it was reckless,” oscar says. he shrugs when she prompts him for a longer answer. “it’s done and it’s over. let’s figure out how to get him to bugger off, yes?”

“yes, but you have got to realise how wrong this could have gone so easily,” sebastian sighs, slightly calmer than he was a few seconds ago. “come on. be realistic.”

she frowns. “i didn’t know what to do, okay?”

max sighs, walking over to her. he lays his hand on the top of her head and pats it gently. “i’m sorry for shouting at you. i was just concerned. something bad could have really happened to you.”

“i know, but-“

“it’s okay,” max soothes her, pulling her into his arms for a hug. “you held a potential scandal off pretty well. but don’t do it like this again.”

“this is never going to work,” she mutters under her breath. after a wonderful qualifying session, she stands in her least favourite dress.

“it’ll work,” max mutters, “i’m max verstappen.”

“literally what’s that got to do with anything?” she scowls, extending her hand out to land a hit on his arm. “that name means nothing to this man!”

“you don’t know that. i’m a very powerful man,” max mutters dejectedly, hand pressed against his chest to feign hurt. “you’re not very nice.”

“shut up,” sebastian mutters, rolling his eyes at the two unlikely drivers to have gotten along very well. “we spent all qualifying session thinking of a way to get you out of this. be quiet.”

“fine,” she says softly, folding her arms. she takes a step back and sighs as logan takes her into his side for a comforting hug. “i didn’t know what else to do.”

“it’s okay,” logan whispers, rubbing her arm. “it’s over now. we’ll handle it for you.”

“i’m handling it for you,” sebastian mutters.

he straightens his shirt and stands a little taller as a figure comes down the dark alley of the paddocks.

“oh, you brought back up?” the man, who sebastian has come to know as ryan, grins. “big fan.”

“shut the fuck up,” max says, stepping forward when he stops in front of her.

“yeah, here’s how it’s gonna go,” sebastian says, pressing his palm into max’s chest to stop him. “you’re going to hand over that thumb drive or she sues you.”

he scoffs. “with what money? she’s only an underpaid rookie.”

“she’s got a whole grid of 21 other rich drivers ready to back this lawyer up,” sebastian says calmly. “don’t make it any harder for yourself. just hand it over before you get served.”

“i call bluff,” he shrugs simply. “you don’t want something like this out in the media.” he tilts his head to throw a teasing stare at the girl in logan’s arms. “especially not when it’s tied to her name.” he looks back at sebastian. “she wouldn’t let that happen to her.”

max clears his throat. “what if you just listen to us before we make this very difficult for you?”

“like how?”

“just trust me,” max smiles sweetly with a nod. “i can find ways to make life difficult for you.”

“what if i only leak pictures of her?” ryan grins, gesturing to the girl now throwing her head back in despair. “you’ve got good pictures, by the way. can’t wait to have you all to myself, you pretty little thing.”

“yeah, i’m done hearing this fucker out,” oscar mutters.

“oscar-“

logan is barely able to grab the australian’s arm before oscar has already lept forward to shove the man back.

“so i’ll make it difficult for you,” oscar smiles politely. his arm darts forward again, bunching up the material of ryan’s collar into his hands. he yanks him in. “i’m going to take that thumb drive out of your pockets myself, and then i’ll beat you with my own bare hands,” he points behind him, “while she watches.

“and then i’m going to get the best lawyer, find the judge, bribe them both and the jury combined,” oscar chuckles dryly, “put you in jail. and then i’m going to go in there and tear you limb from limb again.”

“ah, you’re too nice. you’d never.”

“say bet?”

“bet.”

“oscar, come on!” she shrieks, stumbling forward to yank him back. “you don’t beat people up! come on!”

“yeah, but i do!” max cheers, his hand darting out to shove the man back harder than oscar did. he stumbles a couple steps back and almost loses his balance, regaining it slowly. “i’ll finish what oscar started. come here.”

“hey, nobody’s beating this man up!” sebastian shouts, before quickly trying to lower his voice to avoid any unwanted attention. “listen, mate. i can make sure a court hearing goes by softly. benefits us, but gonna make you go broke. you decide.”

max lifts a finger into the air. “and don’t forget: i’m born petty. i already know where you work, so if you wanna keep that job…”

“and keep having a damn job for the rest of your life,” sebastian finishes max’s sentence. he holds his hand out, waiting for the item to be surrendered to him. “you know what’s best for you. come on.”

“fine, but-“

“there will be no buts, there will be no negotiations,” max grunts, rolling his eyes. if it weren’t for sebastian, he would have already given these three the show of their life. “you will listen to seb. end of story.”

“fine, whatever,” the man sighs, throwing the thumbdrive at sebastian. he tilts his head once more and winks at the girl. “let’s go for our date — that’s the one condition.”

“seriously, why haven’t you let me beat the crap out of this guy?” oscar asks ludicrously, throwing his hands in the air. he turns back to him. “we just said no negotiations. go and fuck off somewhere else.”

“and you better leave (y/n) alone because i grew up with brothers,” logan smiles, “i can fight.”

she moves her head lower, looking at oscar with wide eyes. she takes her spoon out of her ice cream cup and sways it in oscar’s field of vision. “hey.”

“yeah?” oscar asks, lifting his eyes from the table to meet hers.

“you mad at me?” she pouts her bottom lip out before dropping her gaze. “i’m sorry.”

“sorry for doing what you thought would help you out of a situation?” oscar smiles emphatically at her. he stabs his spoon into his ice cream and puts a firm grip on her wrist. “next time just come to one of us, okay? we’ll handle it.”

she presses her lips together as she sighs. “right. i forget that i don’t have to fend for myself anymore.”

“yeah. we’ve got your back. always,” oscar snorts. “you’re one of my best friends. logan and i would flip the earth for you.”

“likewise,” she smiles. “i’d help you bury a dead body.”

“maybe let’s not go that far.”

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#sebastian vettel x reader #oscar piastri x reader #max verstappen x reader #female driver #f1 fem!driver #f1 female driver #f1 x reader #f1 grid x reader #formula 1 fem!drive #fem!driver #disneyprincemuke #disneyprincemuke imagine #disneyprincemuke imagines #disneyprincemuke f1 #vettel reincarnate #disneyprincemuke vr #logan sargeant x reader

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transmutationisms · 5 months

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from a non-academic, i find parts of comphet to be useful (heterosexuality becomes compulsory when you’re raised in a heterosexual society) but the foundations . suck. what do we do with theories like this, that have touched on a truth but also carry a lot of garbage? can we separate the truth from the founder?

i have to be slightly pedantic and say that i don't think rich's essay is an example of this phenomenon. my central issue with her formulation is its bioessentialist assumptions about human sex and therefore also sexuality. if i say "capitalism includes economic mechanisms that enforce heterosexual behaviour and exclude other possibilities", then what i mean by "heterosexual" is plainly not the same as what rich means—and for this reason i would seldom formulate the statement this way, without clarifying that i am talking about the enforcement of heterosexuality as a part of the creation and defence of sex/gender categories themselves. so rich and i do not actually agree on the very fundamental premises of this paper! rich was not the first or only person to point out that economic mechanisms as well as resultant social norms enforce heterosexual pairings; i actually don't even think the essay does a very clear job of interrogating the relationship between labour, economy, and the creation of sex/gender; she means something different and essentialist to what i mean by sex and sexuality; and i think her proposed responses to the phenomenon she identifies as 'compulsory heterosexuality' are uninteresting because they mainly propose psychological answers to a problem arising from conditions of political economy. so, in regards to this specific paper, i am actually totally comfortable just saying that it's not a useful formulation, and i don't feel a need to rescue elements of it.

in general, i do know what you're talking about, and i think there's a false dichotomy here: as though we must either discard an idea entirely if it has elements we dislike, or we accept it on the condition that we can plausibly claim these elements and their author are irrelevant. these are not comprehensive options. instead, i would posit that every theory, hypothesis, or idea is laden with context, including values held and assumptions made by their progenitors. the point is not to find a mythical 'objective' truth unburdened by human bias or mistakes; this is impossible. instead, i think we need to take seriously the elements of an idea that we object to. why are they there? what sorts of assumptions or arguments motivate them, and are those actually separable from whatever we like in the idea? if so, can we be clear about which aspects of the theory are still useful or applicable, and where it is that the objectionable elements arise? and if we can identify these points, then what might we propose instead? this is all much more useful, imo, than either waiting for a perfect morally unimpeachable theory or trying to 'accept' a theory without grappling with its origins (political, social, intellectual).

a recent example that you might find interesting as a kind of case study is j lorand matory's book the fetish revisited, which argues that the 'fetish' concept in freud's and marx's work drew from their respective understandings of afro-atlantic gods. in other words, when marx said capitalists "fetishise" commodities or freud spoke about sexual "fetishism", they were each claiming that viewing an object as agentive, meaning-laden in itself (ie, devoid of the context of human meaning-making as a social and political activity) was comparable to 'primitive' and delusory religious practices.

matory's point here isn't that we should reject marx's entire contribution to political economy because he was racist, nor is it that we can somehow accept parts of what marx said by just excising any racist bits. rather, matory asks us to grapple seriously with the role that marx's anthropologically inflected racism plays in his ideas, and what limitations it imposes on them. why is it that marx could identify the commodity as being discursively abstracted and 'fetishised', but did not apply this understanding to other ideas and objects in a consistent way? and how is his understanding of this process of 'fetishisation' shaped by his beliefs about afro-atlantic peoples, and their 'intelligence' or civilisational achievements in comparison to northwestern europeans'? by this critique matory is able to nuance the fetish concept, and to argue that marx's formulation of it was both reductive and inconsistently applied (analogously to how freud viewed only some sexuality as 'fetishistic'). it is true in some sense that capital and the commodity are reified and abstracted in a manner comparable to the creation of a metaphysical entity, but what we get from matory is both a better, more nuanced understanding of this process of meaning-making (incl. a challenge to the racist idea of afro-atlantic gods as simply a result of inferior intelligence or cultural development), and the critical point that if this is fetishism, then we must understand a lot more human discourse and activity as hinging on fetishisation.

the answer of what we do with the shitty or poorly formulated parts of a theory won't always be the same, obviously; this is a dialogue we probably need to have (and then have again) every time we evaluate an idea or theory. but i hope this gives you some jumping-off points to consider, and an idea of what it might look like to grapple with ideas as things inherently shaped by people—and our biases and assumptions and failings—without assuming that means we can or should just discard them any time those failings show through. the point is not to waste time trying to find something objective, but to understand the subjective in its context and with its strengths and limitations, and then to decide from there what use we can or should make of it.

#marx #adrienne rich

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xodarling · 4 months

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I have really bad brainworms for Stelle.. Perhaps overstimulation (or edging, whichever you prefer) for her? I'd like to think that there are two options for her. Either she doesn't know how any of this works which leaves room for corruption, or she does know and enjoys every second of it

Sexual training - xodarling

includes: sub!stelle, innocent!stelle, fem!reader, strap on, lowercase writing, usage of y/n, corruption kink, overstimulation, edging, established relationship, pet names (puppy, baby), pet play lil bit, u have boobis, needy!stelle, praise, g!p stelle, reverse size kink, accidental orgasms

a/n: why not both😜😜😜 also im really sorry this is so late

at this hour, most of the astral express is asleep, probably for the next twenty four hours knowing how little sleep all of them get; it’s very hard doing this job. except for you and your lovely puppy-like girlfriend, stelle.

“a-ah..! p-please, please..!” she whines out with her adorable husky voice, you giggle softly in response, “poor baby..” you coo. stelle originally knocked on your door right when you were about to fall asleep with a pout on her face and glassy eyes, and her pajama pants had a very noticeable bulge.

she whined and complained about how her stomach felt weird and how her ‘private’ was bigger and felt stiff! you and stelle have been dating for just a month but it wasn’t rocket science to see the tall girl was naïve to most things sexual.

you told her that you knew what was happening and would help out your girlfriend, her face brightened and her tail would’ve started wagging if she had one. now, you’re here. stelle laying flat on your bed, her gray hair all fluffy and a mess, flushed cheeks, and her very endowed penis flopping against her stomach and yours.

“o-oh..! ssho good..!” she slurs out, tightly clutching the pillow she’s resting on and burying her face into it. you chuckle again and start to plow your strap in faster, your hips slapping against her ass, “feels good? i’m glad, baby, only the best for my puppy.” you coo and pump her behemoth cock with your hand.

her tip is desperately leaking pre-cum. by the looks of it, stelle probably never had an orgasm in her life. with one specific angle change, stelle moans and arches her back, her hand start to fling everywhere as she desperately looks for something to cling on to; she settles for your smaller hands resting on her waist.

“there it is. you’re doing amazing, baby.” your gentle tone warms up stelle’s heart and her face gets even redder, “it’s.. so hot. n’ soo good..” she moves her hips to meet yours in a desperate attempt for more pleasure, “i know, puppy, it’s okay, i’m here.” your gently hold both of her hands as you aggressively fuck her ass.

“it feelss.. so weird..! something.. o-oh..!” she whines, her kicking her feet as the unfamiliar feeling of an orgasm starts to approach. before stelle could hit that euphoric feeling, you pull the silicone toy out, softly giggling as she whines and clenches down on nothing.

“poor baby..” you coo, immediately slamming in and continuing your pounding. stelle lets out a whine and arches her back again, seeing the large trailblazer being reduced to a whiny, flustered mess is so exhilarating. the tip of your large cock hits spots inside of stelle that she didn’t know existed, she won’t be able to live without your cock anymore, she knows that.

stelle clenches her jaw and squeezes her eyes, she’s gonna cum again and fast, more whines leaves her throat and then you stop again. stelle squirms and kicks her feet in dissatisfaction, thumping your fluffy mattress, “no complaining.” you gently scold her and she shuts up.

her large hands scramble up to your chest when you accelerate once more, groping the fat of your tits as you wreck her insides. her large, calloused fingers flick and tug at your nipples, hoping to keep the last bit of sanity she has left. your smaller fingers dig into her hips and you bite your lip, making your pace go from fast to impossibly faster.

stelle aggressively smacks your tits, wordlessly telling you that that weird feeling is coming back, “hold it.” you grunt out, sweat trailing down your forehead, “i-i don’ nggh.. know how..!” she whines, her grip on your breasts tightens which makes you hiss in pain. her dick flops around, because your force, because she’s moving it herself, you don’t know, her eyes are screwed shut as she tries to ‘hold in’ this feeling.

the tip of your silicone cock hits her spongy spot again and again, her hands detach from your bust and scramble around your fluffy bed. stelle may be naive but she’s not stupid, kinda, she tries her absolute hardest to think of anything else while you force her walls into your shape. it doesn’t work, she tries thinking of anything, like the way oleg’s bones cracked one time while she walked with him; anything that’s not this!

it doesn’t work. stelle feels something climb up her shaft and fast, her moans rise in pitch and dull nails sink into your bedsheets. her hips buck three times and then she lets out a deafening moan, coating you, the bed, and herself all in her cum. stelle’s eyes completely roll back and a dopey smile appears on her lips, what a feeling, she’s addicted now. months of built up sperm exploding out of her tip.

to say you’re disappointed is an understatement, you told stelle to hold it and look what happened! her cum is everywhere! but you can’t stay mad at your puppy for too long. your hand wraps around her cock again and your hips don’t relent, “what did i tell you, baby?” you gently ask, “..h-hold.. itt..” she slurs back, drool leaving her mouth a little, “..i-i’m.. shorry..”

the orgasmic rush slowly fades away but your shaft doesn’t stop shaping stelle’s walls, she squirms and whines, her tip no longer leaking her hot cum and instead red and throbbing with overstimulation. if you could, you’d bend her in half and pound away but she’s too big, you settle for just pounding.

she shakes her head and makes her gray hair so much fluffier, it’s adorable. her ass contracts around your plastic shaft, the lube that you rubbed all over her hole slushes in reaction. stelle whines and sticks her tongue out, making her pant like a tiny little puppy. her orgasm already faded away and now it’s just a burning feeling of overstimulation.

“you look so fucking sexy, stelle.” you chuckle and wrap your hand around her cock again, aggressively pumping her large and stiff dick. her cock throbs in pleasure, “n-no.. it f-feels weird..!” she slurs, looking up at you with big, glassy golden eyes. or, at least she tries, the never ending pleasure makes her groan and throw her head back each time.

the onslaught of pounds into stelle’s hole made her feel something that she didn’t know was humanly possible, something that made her float and the surroundings around her become blurry and spin. her legs were in the air and kicked with each prod at her spot as well as a scratchy yelp. wet slush sounds and her moans bounce off the walls of your room, probably being heard outside in the hallway.

your pace intensified, becoming more and more frantic as stelle’s core began to tighten again. her body shook violently with each powerful thrust of the strap, making stelle let out a symphony of whimpers as well as slaps from both of your flesh on the others. “oh g-god..! a-again..!” stelle screamed out, the pleasure was too much, her tip was burning and the heavy cum in her balls was ready to explode once more.

“y-yeah?” you ask and she responds with a nod and whine. honestly, your hips burn and you’re getting really tired so this was fantastic for you. with renewed vigor and determination, you somehow go faster, to the point where you have to bite your lip because of your aggression. stelle kicks her feet again, her golden orbs are rolled back showing the whites of her eyes.

there’s sweat dripping down your forehead and some on your upper lip, this is one extremely intense workout out. stelle’s doing no better either, she’s also sweating so much to the point where your sheets are a little damp, which would be disgusting if you the two of you weren’t fucking like animals.

suddenly, it happens. stelle screams as the orgasm crashes over her like a tidal wave, her entire body convulsed spasmodically, and she cried out as she released that tight knot. cum erupts from her swollen, red tip onto her abdomen and yours, some on both of your breasts, and even her hair got touched with sticky, white fluid.

your hips don’t stop until her behemoth cock stops spewing out her sperm, hands tightly gripping her hips and then releasing once you stop. breathing heavily, stelle’s body goes limp, her knees feel weak and unsteady, until the addicting pleasure fades away. not to disturb her, you pull the large toy out very carefully, the lubricant still staying on the toy and her ass.

after a moment, stelle speaks, “t-that was.. insane. w-what did you to me? i never.. felt like that before.” she utters being heavy pants, “don’t worry, puppy.” you coo, “just relax, don’t think.”. stelle listens and closes her eyes, enjoying and fully taking in the aftermath of your fucking.

gingerly, you unharness the strap around your waist and place it down the soft mattress. stelle seems unaware of your movement as you crawl all the way up to her head and shift around so your cunt is hovering over her blissful face. she feels something drip onto her chin and when she opens her eyes, her eyes widen.

her mouth opens to question but you shush her. “shh, i know this is selfish, baby, but i worked so hard to please you. don’t you wanna do the same for me?” and, of course, like the loyal puppy she is, she nods yes.

“i’ll teach you, stelle, just think of it as training!” you happily said, your nails massaging her scalp and your nether area lowering onto her lower face.

#stelle x reader #honkai star rail smut #hsr smut #trailblazer x reader #sub!hsr #sub!honkai star rail #stelle smut #sub!stelle #sub!trailblazer #dom!reader #honkai star rail x reader

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blughxreader · 2 years

Text

CW: AFAB reader. Pregnancy kink.

Hello, Darling!

Meet your new yandere boyfriend, Sunny.

Sunny is the head of a new religion! He gives lessons to thousands of people across the globe through online lectures, and is becoming more prevalent in main-stream news. He's passionate, family-oriented, and very mild-mannered!

He truly believes he's doing the world a favor, so you've found yourself a very selfless man.

With Sunny, you'll never feel left out. He values a domestic life above all else, so every fun event, every "couple milestone," every sermon, he wants you by his side.

His love language is words. He'll sit and talk with you for hours, asking you every question you'll let him and listening to your response like it was coming God's mouth itself.

He's in such awe for you that he sometimes can't keep it to himself. You should take his bouts of mania as a compliment, because you've managed to drive this well-collected man to a love-stricken hysteria!

♡ ♡ ♡

Sunny is a delusional yandere.

He has periods of lucidity, where he understands why you're not returning his love, and periods of oblivion. In both states, though, he expects you to at least greet him with a smile!

If you find yourself in trouble with him, expect to be bound and gagged, confined in small spaces, and forced to choose between impossible options. He doesn't like admitting this, but having absolute control over you and your body is the greatest feeling!

His favorite punishment of all is locking you in a coffin-sized box and shoving it under his bed each night. Falling asleep to your muffled cries and knowing you'll come crawling to him for forgiveness in the morning always makes him sleep well!

A note about him: despite being the head of a cult, he doesn't like sharing!! Until he's sure Stockholm Syndrome has fully set in, the cult members won't even know what you look like.

To get on Sunny's good side, play the part of a doting spouse! He'll shower you in gifts, praise, and attention, so do the same.

And if you really, really, want him to be at your beck and call, start a family with him! From day one, Sunny will make it known he wants to see you pregnant. You'd be smart to be skeptical of him during sex, but he won't do anything nefarious if you insist you're not ready!

(Until the years tick by and his patience runs thin... But you have a long time to prepare for that!)

♡ ♡ ♡

"Don't cry, Darling. I'll be here the whole time."

"It feels like we were made for each other. Can't you feel it, too?"

"You're stunning. You're so stunning. I wish I could keep you tied up like this forever."

"Please let me put a baby inside of you."

"Why are you by yourself? Are you sad? Come here, baby."

"Hush... I'll forgive you soon. Loosen your muscles—that's right."

♡ ♡ ♡

Sunny worships you. He might take some liberties with your punishments, but he does it because you drive him insane. He's yours, body and soul.

♡ ♡ ♡

Will you date him?

[ YES / NO ]

Visit the Other Yandere masterlist for more content!

#yandere x reader #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #yandere headcanons #yandere drabble #yandere x darling #yandere oc #male yandere #yandere blurbs #afab reader #yandere art #sunny #my art

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justkending · 4 months

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On my nerves. (Steve Rogers One-shot)

Summary: Y/N and Steve have a complex relationship. On a busted mission, some conversation pieces come up that need to be solved.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (Avenger)

Word Count: 3100+

A/N: I did a small poll on who I should write for next, and I got an even amount of votes, so I decided on Steve! I haven't written for him for a long time and thought it was deserved this long in. So enjoy these fluffy enemies to semi-lovers one-shot :)

______________

Steve watched, as if in slow-mo, as a knife passed his face and embedded itself into the chest cavity of a man close to getting the jump on him.

"So much for having this mission in the bag, huh?" Y/N's sly comment followed as she jumped from a banister down to the level Steve was on in the attic of an old church.

"The rule was no killing," Steve grunted in frustration as the man he had grasped by the neck fainted, and he tossed him to the side.

"Yeah, well, someone was going to die, and it was either him or the person who's supposed to be running this mission. You should be grateful I didn't choose the second option," she smirked, straightening her tactical vest as she scanned their surroundings. "What's the update?"

Steve could have reprimanded her more, as he was used to doing, but they were on a time crunch, and the men they were sent to take in under SHIELD's order hadn't gotten the memo of no killing.

"Masgood isn't here," he sighed, swiftly anchoring his shield to his back. "He must have gotten word we were coming and staged the place to look like he'd be here."

"Yeah, it seems to be his MO," Y/N sighed, bending as she dug through the pockets of the unconscious assailant.

"What are you doing?"

"Checking the body for clues, duh," she replied with a tone of disinterest. She paused, looking up at Steve. "I know this isn't your first rodeo, so why are you acting like it?" One of her forearms rested on her knee as she squatted over the body and dug through his pockets unbothered.

Steve rolled his eyes and shifted on his feet as look at the space. "Something feels off about all this."

"When does it not? We chase bad guys with evil and sadistic intentions as our career. I'd be worried if it felt right," she grunted softly as she stood up and moved to another body.

Steve moved to a window off to the side and looked at the street and environment below for any more clues.

Their target was a man in charge of a large human trafficking ring. Ivan Masgood. An infamous drug lord who started poking around in a new field of illegal activities. Like most felons, he had personal goons and connections that kept him close to untouchable, but SHIELD had plans to shut that down now that he was tapping into the stealing of innocent adolescents from the streets.

"I say we tie these idiots up for the agents that'll come clean up this mess and make our way to the restaurant down a few blocks. Looks like a good Mediterranean place," she sighed, walking over and leaning against a pillar behind the window where Steve was monitoring pedestrians.

Steve turned to her with an annoyed face, one that was a staple for their duo and eyed her.

"We're on a job. A job that involves a man who is taking advantage of innocent children."

"Yes, and we can't solve it on an empty stomach," she shrugged, pushing on the wood. "And this place is empty. We've handled the few goons here, and now we move on."

"Is it really that simple to you?" Steve huffed, crossing his arms as he turned to her.

"If by simple you mean the practiced next step, then yes. It is," she nodded with no hesitance, even with his stern glare fixed on her.

"You're impossible to-"

"Shhh," she hushed, raising her hand and slightly turning her head.

Steve knew better to question her when she did that. Her hearing was better than his most of the time. Her enhancements weren't far from his own, but sometimes they proved to be even more sensitive than his.

He mouthed a "What?" and she shook her head as a hint to hold on. A few moments passed before she shook her head and returned to reality.

"False alarm," she turned, looking at the only door in and out of the attic. "Help me tie these assholes up, and then we're getting dinner."

"Y/N," Steve started, but she ignored him and searched for rope or anything of length to keep them secure.

Three men tied up with both electric chords and Christmas lights were still unconscious as Steve called in the clean-up crew that was there minutes after Y/N and Steve were in the front of the church, giving a quick rundown of their mission.

"It was a 50/50 shot, Cap. Can't get too hung up on it," Rodney, one of the agents who had been working on the case with them, assured.

"Doesn't make it any less frustrating," Steve sighed before grunting at the pressure hitting his chest. He looked down to see Y/N holding a pile of clothes on his sternum.

"Change. We have a date," She grinned, already in street clothes herself.

He gave her a once over and noticed the small grin on Rodney's lips before he quickly walked away.

"Y/L/N!" Steve yelled after her as she turned and was already moving on to her next task. He groaned and slumped as he looked at the jeans and baseball Henley picked out for him. A hat and sunglasses paired on top.

__________

"Why are we here?" Steve grumbled under his breath as they sat in a booth at the Mediterranian restaurant that looked family-owned but had the ambiance of a well-off family—the two fit in a way that raised a few questions.

He wasn't sure how she had managed to drag him there, but either way, he was there, and something about Y/N orchestrating this entire meal left him confused.

"I haven't had a full meal since last night," she answered, staring at the menu before grabbing the waitress's attention as she balanced two plates in hand. "Can we get the drink menu, please?"

"I'll grab it on my way back," she smiled kindly, her voice accented with a Grecian tongue.

"Thank you," Y/N smiled back kindly and went back to the menu. "I heard their Sangria is amazing. And it's homemade."

"Y/N," Steve ground through his teeth. He was fed up with this side quest that served no purpose. "What are we doing here?" he articulated each word.

"Jeez, Cap. Get the popsicle stick out of your ass and relax some. We're just having dinner and waiting for the show," she responded, putting the plastic-covered menu down and throwing her arm over her side of the booth.

"What show-"

"Drinks?" a teenage boy who looked to be one of the owners' kids begrudgingly asked for their orders.

"I'll take water for now, and this one will have a double scotch neat to help ease his never-leaving glower," she smiled up at the kid, who just blinked at her, and Steve burned holes in her head from the side. "Water. We'll both do water."

"Right…" the kid grumbled, not bothering to write the order as he stalked off.

"You said this had to do with the case. That's the only reason I'm here," Steve intertwined his hands on the table and took a breath as he watched her. In truth, she had vaguely mentioned something about the case, and he ran with that one bullet point, which put him in this position.

"Tell me. How does one sign up to gain your trust? Do I have to jump in the line of fire a second time to get it, or is it like whoever gets your coffee order right without asking? Maybe something in between there?" she leaned forward on the table.

Six months ago, Y/N had jumped in front of a blast from a mutant's powers for Steve, and it had benched her for over a week with the aftereffects.

He hadn't expected her to make that kind of sacrifice, and he had been more than grateful and did his best to show it during her healing time and afterward. But at the end of the day, her snarky comments, struggle to stay professional, and blatant disregard for orders made it hard for him not to be aggravated when she did things.

"It's not trust as much as it's being out of the know for what the real reason for us being here is," he softly said when she looked at him with eyes that seemed to genuinely want to know why he treated her with little patience where he normally gave it freely. "I like to be informed."

She watched his eyes closely as if waiting for the but, but then she tensed ever so slightly, and her eyes flicked behind his shoulder casually.

"That's also known as trust. Not knowing the reasons but counting on the person putting you in the position that they wouldn't do it with ill intent. But if you want your answer, it's behind you. Careful how you turn," she said with a straight face as she looked out the window next to them.

Steve furrowed his eyebrow but discreetly twisted enough to see what she was alluding to.

There he was. Ivan Masgood. With four bodyguards around him and a few associates coming through the back entrance, one of the employees ushered him to a secluded corner for him and his posse.

When Steve turned back around, Y/N was on her phone as if just another customer waiting for their meal.

"How'd you-?"

"I'm good at my job despite what some think." Her comment wasn't missed by Steve, and he could hear the slightest bit of pain in her words. "I overheard some of his goons talking not so confidentially at the church. He stupidly gave away their Randevu point and mentioned a meeting with a potential contact while they waited for us to fall for the trap."

"Was it the two at the front door?" Steve questioned, thinking back to their infiltration of the church/ hideout.

"Yeah, dumb and dumber. I think they just got promoted cause the one who leaked this info bragged about being moved to guard his private residence." She put her phone away and fiddled with the paper wrapper from the straw as she explained. "I can promise if they figure out how we got the intel to come here, he will not be guarding any residence in the near future."

Steve was a little surprised. Y/N had always been good at her job. Hell, there was a reason she ran with The Avengers themselves. Super enhancements helped, but she'd always been more than resourceful in her spying, too.

But sometimes, he didn't see her as taking her job seriously, so when she got the jump on things before him, he felt bad for undermining her.

He monitored the place now that it was a possible environment for a fight. Taking note of the details like exits, number of people, tables, resources, and make-shift weapons if needed.

"Have you contacted Rodney?" he asked as he casually surveyed the place.

"Just messaged. They'll have a team a block away to go if needed," she nodded. "For now, we eat," she smiled overly brightly as the waiter came back over with their drinks.

They ordered, but Steve got the smallest appetizer only to make it less conspicuous as customers.

"Eagle's leaving the nest," Y/N hummed as she ate the last bite of her meal, and the group they had been monitoring walked toward the back alley.

Steve shifted in his seat just enough to see the exit, and they both nodded in confirmation of their next move. Y/N slapped down a wad of cash and shuffled out of the booth where Steve offered his hand, and they left out the front.

For the second time that day, Steve watched as a blade whirled past him, but this time, it implanted itself into the tire of an SUV in the back alley, followed by a loud pop.

The assailants hoping to make a getaway were out of a car now, and Steve had taken the advantage to knee the driver's side door where the man halfway in it, ricocheted his head off the frame and collapsed on the ground.

"On your left!" Y/N shouted as she rangled her own opponent, and Steve noticed another one of Masgood's men escaping.

Not wanting to lose his position since Masgood himself was still in the car he had cornered, he angled and calculated the right throw for his shield to take him down. And with the right aim…

"Fuck!" the man shouted before falling down to the concrete seconds after getting smacked in the temple with the vibranuim disc.

Steve turned after hearing Y/N grunt and saw that two of her attackers had cornered her and were getting a jump on her.

"Y/L/N!" he shouted, stepping her way, but she used another man's body as if a wall and walked her feet up his torso until she was backflipping and rendering them both helpless instantly.

"Rogers, Masgood!" she panted once back on her feet and pointed behind him.

Masgood had pulled out the other side of the car and was positioning a gun right at Steve. Everything happened so fast that Steve didn't know where the gunshot had landed after he ducked from the barrel.

A scream followed, and thinking his aim hit someone else, Steve looked around for the injured only to see Masgood holding his shoulder where the butt of a blade was jutting out.

"You fucking bitch!" Masgood turned his attention to Y/N, who had been smiling at her shot. He dropped quickly to grab the gun that fell out of his grip, but before he could get to it, Steve slid over the hood and tackled him.

"That's no way to speak to a lady," Steve gritted out as he pinned him to the ground and brought his hands around his back.

Any of Masgood's men that may have escaped the narrow alley had been caught by the backup team Y/N had set up a block away. By the time the fight was over, eight men were already in custody, and Masgood was locked in a contained SHIELD van.

After going through a briefing with Rodney, who had been instructing the team outside the alley, Steve and Y/N finally took a minute to breathe.

"Thanks for packing my shield," Steve said kindly as they moved to their SUV.

"Didn't want to have you fighting without your comfort item," she smiled but winced as she rolled her shoulder.

"You ok?" he stopped in his tracks, moving in front of her to keep her from going any further.

"I'm fine," she mumbled, moving her shirt sleeve and looking at her arm for the wound. "Just a scratch."

Steve didn't hesitate to shift the long sleeve to see the cut in the fabric and the blood that had soaked through it.

"You were supposed to get checked by the medics," he studied the injury, and she hissed at the pressure of his gentle touch, which was enough to sting.

"It's nothing a bandaid can't fix. Besides, it'll be a scar come morning," she tried to brush his hand off, but he gave her a stern look at the action. "Why are you so worried? I figured you could care less if I walked out with a katana protruding from my gut."

Her eyes refused to meet his, and he hated the feeling that overcame him at the idea that she thought he wouldn't be phased by something like that.

"That's not true," he said gently, his hand loosened its grip but didn't leave her arm.

"You sure as hell don't act any other way," she mumbled, looking at his hand and placing her own on his to try and remove it. "Seriously. You don't have to act like you care just cause you feel bad-"

"Y/N, I'm not acting," he turned her face to his, gripping her chin between his thumb and index finger. "I would never wish to see you hurt."

She didn't fight the hold he had her in, but she gave him weary eyes at his comment.

"Your words tell me otherwise, Steve." Her words were said with a form of hurt that he never pictured her holding.

"I'm sorry," he lowered his head every so slightly to catch her eye line better. "I'm sorry that I'm a hardass around you and make you feel like I'd rather see you hurt or injured than alive and well."

"I don't understand what I've done to-" she started and pulled her head back before he, without thought, pulled her arm he had a grip on into him, making her body crash into his.

She froze initially, but when his arms wrapped around her back, he rested his head on her. She sighed and fell into it. She needed that hug more than he realized.

"You get on my nerves, Y/L/N, but it's not in a way that I'd wish never to experience it again. I act like I can't stand it, but truthfully, I need someone to keep me in check the way you do," he muttered as he rested his chin on her head. "I'm sorry I don't give you the benefit of the doubt where you deserve it most."

"Why?" she mumbled into his chest.

"Honestly?" he hummed, pulling her back and looking at her still in his embrace. "I think it scares me how much I actually care when you drive me as crazy as you do."

Her eyebrows furrowed, and she turned her head at him.

"What do you mean, Rogers?" she said in almost a whisper.

"I mean, I can't wrap my head around how you constantly get on my nerves, but I like it."

There was a pause as they stared at each other, and her lips slowly curved.

"Steve. Are you confessing that you may actually like me?" she grinned.

He chuckled under his breath, making his chest vibrate.

"I'm confessing that we may have some things to figure out, I guess," he nodded, not feeling hesitant at surprisingly admitting that.

"Well, isn't that a 180 from how we started the day," she laughed, pulling back. "How about we stop for a sweet treat for this discussion that I'm definitely pulling you into when we get to the compound?"

"Am I going to regret confessing this?" he scrunched his nose but couldn't help the smile that followed.

"It's me. What do you think?" she shrugged, moving toward the SUV passenger side.

"Good to know our ways aren't changing much," he sighed, following behind her to open her door.

Marvel Tags:

@thejourneyneverendsx @death-unbecomes-you @heyiamthatbitch @heyiamthatbitch @lizzymacy555 @srrymydood @xa-dia @redhairedfeistynerd @morganclaire4 @connie326 @captain-asguard @mollygetssherlockcoffee @teenagedreams-bucky @shower-me-with-roses @livstilinski @basicallylool

My Lovelies forever:

@natura1phenomenon @lauravicente @kakakatey @traceyaudette @notyourtypicalrose @laneygthememequeen @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @sandlee44 @thorne93 @thefaithfulwriter1 @essie1876 @greyeyedsmile14 @capsiclehan @xostephanie @averyrogers83 @awesomenursingstudent @gh0stgurl @cs-please @torayuri777 @jjlevin @rainbowkisses31 @anise-d-castle6 @deannotmoose @their-bibliophile @kitkatd7 @willowbleedsonpaper @mariaenchanted @snffbeebee @couldabeenamermaid @rebekahdawkins @alyispunk

#steve rogers one shot #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x avenger reader #reader insert #mcu reader insert #justkending #marvel insert #steve rogers reader insert #steve rogers

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idyllic-affections · 11 months

Note

i’m thinking about kaveh first dropping off his kid in ghandarva ville. he did a good job explaining to them that he’ll be back before they know it and that he’ll alway be there for them. before he leaves he feels little hands clutching onto his leg as they just whisper “you promise you’re gonna come back? you won’t leave me, right? you promise you won’t leave me?”

i'll be back.

summary. kaveh finds the strength to leave his child in gandharva ville.

trigger & content warnings. fear of abandonment, references to kaveh's backstory.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. comfort, soft angst. adoptive dad!kaveh & child!reader. 0.9k words. they/them pronouns for reader.

author's thoughts. wow you just woke up today and chose gentle violence huh anon /LH i love soft angst. hard angst? yeah, it definitely hurts, but soft angst like this? idk. it hits different sometimes!!!

kaveh did not want to resort to this. he didn't.

the architect truly, sincerely had tried his very best to think of any alternate solutions—maybe he could convince alhaitham to give [name] a chance? no, caring for a child he impulsively decided to pick up off the streets isn't his roommate's responsibility and it really never would be unless the scribe himself decided to take it on, but some people have spontaneous changes of heart! why would alhaitham be any different?

(unfortunately, said man was not going to budge anytime soon. a child would disrupt the comfortable life he had put so much effort into building. kaveh had no choice but to accept that fact. well, really, he knew from the beginning! he was just hoping alhaitham might change.)

in the end, he managed to come up with nothing. he could not think of a single good or attainable option that would allow him to keep them. as much as he hated to admit it, only alhaitham's solution was a viable and reasonable one.

so, here he is, standing in front of tighnari's home in gandharva ville motionlessly with his child held securely in his arms. there were no words in any language that kaveh knew of that could describe what he was feeling. he wordlessly rubs soothing circles on their back.

the silence is impossibly loud.

tighnari does not rush him. he does not so much as even think of complaining. he simply waits quietly with collei at his side, the girl bouncing on her heels slightly in a nervous fidget. she wants to be a good caretaker to [name]; tighnari knows the prospect alone of having to care for them is making her nervous.

kaveh's slightly wavering voice finally breaks the silence:

"you know why i have to leave you here, right?"

they nod quietly, little hands clenched in fists raising up to rub at their watery eyes with their palms—they hope it looks like they're tired and not like they're about to cry, which they are. they hope he doesn't know they're about to cry. they hope he just thinks they're tired from the long journey. they hope he doesn't know the truth.

kaveh knows, of course.

he doesn't say anything about it, though, and only tries to swallow back his own emotions. he tries his best to repress the nauseous feeling stirring in his gut. he tries his best to repress the crawling of his skin. he tries his best to repress the thoughts that this is so impossibly wrong, so impossibly cruel of him.

he hasn't known this child for long, but...

he felt like he was abandoning them.

he felt like he was abandoning his flesh and blood.

absentmindedly, kaveh wondered if this was how his mother felt when she left to fontaine. he hopes not. this feeling is vile. he wouldn't wish it upon his worst enemy.

"and you also know that i'm going to come back all the time to see you, right? and i'm always going to be here if you need me?"

their voice cracks slightly. "yeah."

it's not at all that kaveh doesn't trust tighnari and collei; he does, and he knows they'll take good care of [name], but... still. he wants to be the one taking care of them. he wants to keep them.

he can't.

kaveh then kneels down, and their heart sinks in to the pit of their stomach, despite the fact that they already knew this was inevitably going to happen. just as they dreaded, he sets them down onto their own two feet.

they're reluctant to release their tiny grip from his shirt, but they do so regardless of their hesitance. a slight whimper rises in their throat when kaveh's warmth is gone from them.

kaveh hasn't ever really had to comfort children before.

he's... not sure what to do from here, quite frankly, so he does the first thing that comes to mind.

he leans forward, pressing the smallest, most hesitant of kisses to the crown of their head.

then, he stands up.

he doesn't get very far before one of their little hands is clutching his pant leg, and he inhales sharply, turning back to face them. "[name]..."

kaveh cuts himself off.

their eyes are wide, glittering with the sheen of unshed tears, and their bottom lip is split and cracked—they've either been picking at it or biting it, kaveh notes. how did he not notice before?

in their moment of sadness and stress, their accent peeks through a bit more heavily. it's in a shaky voice on the brink of breaking that they ask, "you promise you're gonna come back, right? you won't leave me, will you?"

...

kaveh earnestly believes he might cry about this when he gets home. oh well. alhaitham will simply have to deal with it.

for now, though, he doesn't cry. he can't.

the architect kneels back down to their height, wiping away the single tear that slid down their cheek with his calloused fingertips. "of course."

"you— you're not gonna leave me, right? you're not leaving me?"

"no. never. i promise, okay?" he whispers. "i'm here, okay? i'm always here if you need me. you just need to tell tighnari. he'll tell me you asked for me and i'll come back here. anytime."

kaveh briefly wonders if he'll regret making such a promise—his clients may suffer if they ask for him at a bad time—but then again...

he can't really say he ever will, not with the way they look at him with such vulnerable trust.

he can't regret it when they're putting their damaged trust into his hands.

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

#aphelion brainrots 🌸#favoniuslibrary #astronetwrk #: [ adoptive dad kaveh! 🌸 ]#platonic genshin impact #platonic genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x child reader #platonic kaveh x reader #platonic genshin x reader #kaveh x reader #kaveh x child reader #platonic genshin #genshin platonic

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sleepingdeath-light · 3 months

Text

relationship hcs ; vox

requested by ; mezzanottespazzatura (13/02/24)

fandom(s) ; hazbin hotel

fandom masterlist(s) ; here

character(s) ; vox

outline ; “Would it be possible to get some relationship hcs for Vox? Smut is optional, I just need more content with this man and I can't wait for season 2 hhhhhhhhh-”

note ; this may be a smidge shaky as i’ve never written for him before but this was fun to write either way so i hope you all enjoy it ^^

warning(s) ; none, just fluff!

though his busy schedule keeps him from being as physically attentive as he might prefer to be with you, vox does his best to make it up to you as best he can — granted this usually just means him attempting to buy your favour and forgiveness through lavish gifts and dates, but its the thought that counts… right?

this habit of his means that, over the course of your relationship with vox, you manage to acquire quite the extensive collection of lavish gifts — including, but not limited to: a wardrobe of clothes from hell’s top designers and brands that’s so large that it takes up several rooms in your shared penthouse (including all of the shoes and accessories to match each outfit), all of the latest voxtech devices and services at arm’s reach no matter where you may go, whole rooms dedicated to your interests (no matter how niche) including items that you thought were impossible to get ahold of in hell, the best skin and hair care items that money can buy (and that are suited to your exact preferences and needs), a veritable army of robots dedicated to tending to your every whim and need (kitty also gets lent to you by val on occasion but vox prefers that you use the bots he had made specifically for you), and so on…

unless he’s in a very intense argument with one of the other vees or locked into a meeting with other overlords or potential investors that requires his full attention, vox always has an eye on you — watching you through your television, your phone, the security cameras in your home, and every single device you walk past throughout your day

he claims it’s for you your own safety — after all, he’s been very public about your relationship and there are plenty of sinners that would gladly kill or kidnap you just to mess with his head and try and take over his territory — but really it’s because he’s a deeply insecure man that is both terrified of losing you to someone better than him, and extremely quick to anger if he sees anyone getting too close, too friendly, with you for his liking

in other words: your boyfriend is jealous as hell and, try as he might to hide it behind his usual facade of complete control and perfection, it’s extremely obvious to you and everyone else who has known him for more than ten minutes

as mentioned before, vox makes no attempt to hide your relationship from the public and very loudly and proudly claims you as his partner wherever and whenever he can — this partially to maintain his public persona of the likeable and respectable business mogul (hence why a lot of your dates involve frequenting spots where reporters tend to hang out so that he can show off just how much of a doting gentleman he is) but it’s also his own way of marking his territory and letting any potential suitors of yours know that you’re already very happily taken and that they have no chance of taking you from him

when it comes to pet names, he tends to default to either just calling you your name (or a shortened version thereof) or something more traditional like ‘honey’, ‘darling’, or ‘sweetie’ if he’s feeling particularly sentimental — likewise he prefers to be called his name or something similarly traditional by you in public (but the moment the two of you are alone he does tend to soften up quite a bit and will respond to anything you want to call him, so long as it’s said with the intention of being affectionate)

after a long day of work, or attending to val’s tantrums whenever they occur and knock his schedule out of wack, vox loves nothing more than being able to come home and rant to you about it all — cussing out everyone who has ever wronged him, no matter how small the offence, whilst you nod along encouragingly and rub his shoulders and urge him to sit down for a moment before he paces a hole into the carpet is, oddly enough, kinda therapeutic for him and it becomes something of a routine for you two

he thrives on praise and affirmation and loves it when you wrap your arms around him, play with the hem of his jacket, and tell him how amazing he is at everything he does in life: the perfect boyfriend, the best entertainer in all of hell, one of the most powerful overlords in the pride ring (bonus points here if you shit talk alastor and emphasise how much better at everything vox is), a man worthy of being praised and feared, and the list goes on — he’ll reward you in kind once you’re finished, of course, but he’s more than happy to push back his next meeting by a half hour or so if it means getting to bask in your adoration and praise for a little while

he texts you periodically throughout the day — usually when there’s a lull in his work, when he’s bored during a meeting, or if someone has just done something so exceptionally stupid that he needs to tell someone and you’re the only one that will understand — and for as much as he goes on about being super busy all of the time, he always responds to your texts within a minute or so of them being sent

you’re the person whose input and opinions he trusts the most out of anyone else in the pride ring: you’re the person who he bounces his latest ideas off when he’s just at the planning stage and something isn’t quite clicking, you’re the one he rants to about his frustrations with alastor and the other vees because he knows that you’ll always listen to him and help him calm down before he causes another blackout, you’re the first person he shows a new upgrade or outfit to because he always wants to look and feel his best for you, etc., etc.

you’re one of the few people that gets to see vox both at his best as a talented and capable overlord, and at his very worst when he’s on the brink of tears and one wrong word away from plunging the entirety of pentagram city into a blackout — you’re there to stand proudly beside him as the loving and supportive spouse to his confident and inventive businessman, and you’re also there to console and reassure him as he frets about alastor’s return and what that means for the empire he’s built in his absence

he’s not the most physically affectionate person in the world, but he can appreciate the basics: having you curled up on his lap when he’s working at his desk (or resting his head on your lap when you’re at home and you’re listening to him talk about something or another), kissing you before he leaves for work (or having you peck his screen whenever you visit him at the office), and resting a clawed hand on the small of your back or on your waist as you’re walking around or just standing side by side

#sleepingdeath #gender neutral reader #fluff #fluff hcs #hazbin hotel fluff #vox fluff #vox x reader #hazbin hotel x reader

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yuyu1024 · 5 months

Text

I missed you

Pairings: Yoongi (Suga) × y/n

Genre/tags: idol secret dating

Warning: language, making out, semi public sex, pet names, fluff [lmk if i miss anything]

Words: 1.40k

Disclaimer:

- this story is just made up

- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊

Note: repost. Check pinned post for more ♥️

*******

He have been touring for a while. You wished you can accompany him and see the world with him but that's impossible. You have your own work and you can't risk people seeing you in every tour stop. It's for your own protection and also for his career. You don't want to ruin his career.

It maybe romantic to scream yo the whole wide world that he is your man and you both love each other so much. It's not always the best option.

But since it's been months since the last you saw him, you planned on going to one of his stop. You saved enough money and Vaction leave credits so you can stay for a week for him. Since he will be staying as well for work too.

----

Admiring the view from your balcony, you can't help but smile like a little kid while taking pictures of the sky, the buildings and everything you're seeing.

(Photo not mine. Ctto)

You got tense a little as hands snakes around your torso. "Having fun?" But the second you heard his voice, your body relaxes. You lean back, head on his shoulder and giving him access to kiss you on your neck. "I'm sorry, I'm a little late... we got caught in traffic on our way back."

"It's fine. I understand." Moving away from his embrace, you face him and admire how dashing he looks. "Your hair got longer..." you then tug his hair behind his ear.

"Well, you said you wanted to see me with longer hair so... I grew it out."

"Did I?"

"Yes, mentioned it before..."

"You really do pay attention to everything I say..." you giggle on how cute your boyfriend is. This makes you feel happy.

"It's because I love you..." he moves closer to you, making you walk back a little. Your lowerback now is leaning on the fence of the balcony. His face is just inches away from yours, "I missed you so much..." he say staring at your parted lips. "Wait.. You're wearing make up?"

You look away, a little embarassed. You're not the type to actually put make up all the time. Yoongi is used to seeing you barefaced since you two always meet in hiding. Either your apartment or his.

"Well, it's been so long since I've seen you... and... maybe... you've seen quite a few beautiful ladies around the world so..."

He snorts a laugh. He tries not to laugh but you can see how his shoulder is shaking trying to supress it.

"Yah!" You slap him by his shoulder, "what's so funny? Am I a joke to you now?"

"Oh, babe." He wraps you up in embrace, his hands, one at the back of your head and one at the back of your neck. His thumb lightly caressing you. "You know how much I love you... I don't care about other women. My eyes, heart, body and soul is just for you... my Y/n..."

You lock your arms around his torso. "I love you too... so much..." you nuzzles your face on his chest. "I missed you so bad... this have been the longest we were apart."

"I know..." he kisses the top of your head and then reaches for your chin to lift it up. "I've missed you to... and.." he pauses to kiss you. He does it with a very longing feeling. He is not rushing every move but he's very much leading the whole kiss. You can feel how he savours each lips to lips friction.

"Yoongi," you say as you lips parted from his, "I think we should get inside... we are exposed here..."

"Why? Don't you love to make out here? With this view?" His body is closer to yours. So close that both of your clothes are the only thing separating you both.

"I do..." You push your hair away from your face, "but don't you think... people might see us...?"

He leans down and begins kissing you on your neck then your exposed shoulder. You didn't realized he had already slipped the strap of your dress down.

"Yoongi..." you moan but you still try to stop him. "Babe..."

"We're on the 28th floor. We are facing the ocean... the other buildings are far away. They will not notice us..." he says quietly

He grabs both your hands by the wrist, throwing them around his neck for you to hold onto. He then takes one of your leg up around his hips. Pushes the skirt of your dress away, exposing your legs and giving him an easy access to your panties.

"Please...babe... allow me..." he runs his thumb over your already wet core. "I want to have you now... promise... I will be careful... if you're worried anyone would see us... I just..." your foreheard together, his eyes closed shut as he rub his thumb on you.

You didn't answer him yet. You want answer but your so indulged in the moment.

"Ah! Yes..." You hold on tight around his neck. You feel a sudden weakness on your body as he continues to rub your clit. "More... Yoongi... more..."

"Did you miss this?" He whispers to your ears. You nod. "How about this?" He pushes your panties to the side and slides one finger in.

"Fuck! Ah! Y-yes..." you cry. Your grip onto his shoulder like its life or death. "Please... so good!"

Yoongi slowly pushes another digit in you making you quiver with pleasure. "I love how you sound..." the rythm of his pushing in and out of you is making you go crazy.

"Please... I want you..." you says looking into his eyes. "I want... you..."

He picks you up like a bride. "Let's go inside. It's getting cold."

"I thought... you want to try do have sex here... for a change..."

"We can if you want to.. but I realized I don't want you to get sick. You get cold so easily..."

"Oh, okay."

"Plus, I don't think they are ready to hear us do this all night... maybe some other time. For now... all of your orgasm is mine to hear and enjoy."😈

#yuyu1024 #yoongi x reader #yoongi fanfic #bts yoongi #bts x y/n #bts x reader #bts fanfic #suga fanfic #min yoongi #bts smut #bts angst #yoongi smut #yoongi x y/n #yoongi x you

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toomuchracket · 8 months

Text

bonfires (flatmate!matty x reader fluff)

day 22 of promptober, and the first full fic i've ever written where these little shits are actually bf and gf. it's bonfire night and you're going to matty's mum's. have fun <3

"it's weird doing this with you."

matty looks up from his phone, brows knitted together. "what d'you mean?"

"i mean," you swivel to face him, moving your feet from the seat beside you onto the floor and resting your head on your hand. "i used to get the train from manchester to wilmslow all the time. but it was always to see you, never with you. and now… here you are."

your boyfriend (!!) smiles, taking your hand; your heart flutters when you realise he's tracing little lovehearts on the back of it. "it's a good kind of weird, though, yeah?"

"'course it is," you kiss his hand. "i don't have to imagine you and get excited now - i can look at you and do it instead."

matty's cheeks go pink. god, you love it when that happens. "you really used to do that?"

you nod. every time, without fail, you would resolve to focus on the view from the train window as you travelled south, trying to be in the moment and enjoy the peace of the journey, willing the shift from city to town to instil some sort of calm within you as it does for so many other people. but knowing who you were going to see… it always became impossible to stop your thoughts drifting to your best friend, and how in love with him you were - are - and how excited you were to see him. staying calm was never an option when it came to matty.

it still isn't; the way he looks at you gives you goosebumps, and sends your heart into a frenzy. when matty looks at you, you feel like you're the only two people in the world.

right now, you are. well, you're the only two people in the train carriage, which is basically the same thing, and therefore you're a bit more inclined towards pda with your boyfriend (even thinking about matty with that title makes you giddy) than you would normally be. smiling, you lean across the table and pout your lips; matty presses his own to them immediately, hand coming up to hold your face as he kisses you sweetly. he sighs against your lips. you smile against his. it's perfect.

matty kisses your forehead when he pulls away. "how long have we got left to go, d'you think, sweetheart?"

you reluctantly tear your eyes away from his face long enough to glance out the window, returning to gazing lovingly at him as soon as you register your location. "ten, fifteen minutes?"

"i'd have been at the station by now, waiting for your train to get in," matty smiles fondly at the memory, resting his elbow on the table and his head on his hand. "pacing, outside in the car park. actually, i'd have been there ten minutes before that, and all."

"really? you were there that early?"

"yeah. i'd leave the house as soon as you'd text to tell me you were walking into piccadilly, pretty much."

you giggle. "but why, baby?"

matty shrugs, stroking your cheek with his index finger and smiling when you kiss it. "wanted to be waiting in case you got in early, or something. no fucking way was i going to miss a single second of spending time with you, darlin'."

jesus. you're thankful you're sitting down, because that statement would've damn well swiped the legs from under you - the thought of matty being so sweetly eager to see you, as eager as you were to see him, is heart-breakingly cute.

it's also, however, quite funny. "i can't believe you ever thought a northern train would be early," you laugh, twirling one of your boyfriend's curls around your finger as he rolls his eyes. "but that's really sweet, angel. and, to be honest," you get a bit bashful. "i used to stand at the train door for a full five minutes before we got to wilmslow, just so i could get off as quickly as possible and see you. used to be my favourite sight in the world, you standing waiting for me in that car park."

"oh, sweetheart," matty kisses you again. it's like a reflex for both of you, at this point, smooching whenever you reveal something sweet about all the years you spent (well, wasted) pining over each other; you hope it never stops. he grins cheekily afterwards. "and what's your favourite sight now?"

narcissist. but you love him for it. "this one's pretty good, actually, sitting on a train going home with you. feels like a homecoming for me, too."

"that's fucking adorable, sweetheart, but you cannot say that in front of my mum. she won't let us leave if she hears it."

you smile. "she really misses you, doesn't she?"

"nah, babe, she misses you," matty shakes his head. "that weekend i came up here without you, because you had that exam and couldn't leave london? she was distraught. think she'd rather i'd have stayed in the flat and you came up alone, to be honest."

"bless her. well, we're a package deal now," you kiss your boyfriend's head. "you jump, i jump, jack."

"i'd argue i'm more jess than logan, babe, but yeah."

"oh, you wish," you smirk. "but whatever. the point still stands."

"where you lead, i will follow," matty smiles softly, and you grumble about missing the arguably more obvious gilmore girls reference. "although mum won't complain about that at all - can't believe she fucking cried tears of joy when i told her we were together. she's wanted it for years, apparently."

"so have we, to be fair."

"no, absolutely, but mum's on a completely different level. it's like all her christmases have come at once," matty sighs. "thank christ we're walking to the house. gives us time to prepare for her fawning over us."

"true," you kiss your boyfriend again. "and it'll be nice. like old times, but better."

that assessment of yours proves to be correct from the second you leave the train and wilmslow station. at 2pm on a wednesday, the car park is quiet, and matty uses that as an opportunity to run slightly ahead of you with a "wait there, babe!" - you do as he asks, smiling when he reaches a specific lampost and turns round. you can see his grin from three parking spaces' width away. "alright, my girl, you can come over now."

the déja vu practically sucker-punches you as you oblige. it's impossible to even comprehend how many times you've done this exact walk to this exact lampost to meet the exact same boy, smiling the exact same smile he always has upon seeing you.

(fuck, you were so oblivious to his feelings for you. you fucking idiot.)

"hi," you wink as you near matty. "that was a cute little exercise in nostalgia, baby."

"i'm glad you think so, darlin'," matty pulls you into a hug - again, the same as he always did. your body reacts the way it always has, too, muscles relaxing and nerves reducing and serotonin levels skyrocketing; you're convinced your face must be gormless in contentment when it ends. "but now i'd like to do something new, if you don't mind. although i s'pose it's nostalgic for me, given that i thought about it every time i met you here."

"ooh, ok. what?"

matty smiles. "this."

his hands gently meet your jaw, and your lips meet a beat later. the kiss doesn't last long, but it's long enough for your hands to make their way onto matty's waist and his tongue to slip inside your mouth, and long enough for you to be able to tell how much he loves you just from the way he kisses you. although, it would be impossible for you not to know that fact already - he only tells you upwards of twenty times a day.

it's such a good kiss that you're actually woozy when it ends, blinking rapidly in an attempt to stop your head spinning. "wow."

"that good?" comes the response, accompanied - naturally - by a smirk.

you glare at your boyfriend, who only laughs and takes your hand. "m'sorry, baby, couldn't resist. thank you for letting me be self-indulgent. shall we?"

he holds out his hand. you take it, and after a quick kiss to your temple, the two of you begin the familiar walk to matty's old house. like him being on the train with you, it initially feels weird to have matty hold your hand as you go, but the feeling doesn't last long - by the time you're halfway there, joyfully pointing out places you went together and houses of his classmates you crashed parties in, his hand in yours feels like the most natural thing in the world. it's only been a month since the two of you finally got together, but you've both taken to the romantic, couple-y side of life together with relish and ease; despite your respective reservations about getting together and potentially ruining your friendship, it's all been so smooth that you think both you and matty would say that it almost feels like your relationship was predestined, fated, meant to be.

others would and will say the same, including matty's own mother, who throws the front door open so hard when she sees you walking hand-in-hand up the path that the handle chips the brickwork on the wall. she winces at the scraping sound it makes. "oh, bugger."

matty snorts. "nice one, mum. excited to see us?"

"less of the lip, matthew. hi, darling!" denise hugs you, before embracing her son. she steps back, smiling as widely as you've ever seen her, taking in the sight of you and matty and his arm slung sweetly around your waist. "oh, it really is lovely to see the two of you like this. together at last! i always said you'd be a perfect couple, didn't i, matty? anyway, come in and get settled "

you turn to your boyfriend, whose cheeks have rose-tinted at his mother's words. smiling, you kiss one of said rosy cheeks, and follow denise inside. she's still talking, about guests "already starting to come over for tonight, so i'll leave the two of you to your own devices for now. i imagine you'll be a bit tired from the travel - and from studying, for you, darling, i assume? i'm very proud of you, though, smart girl. you know, i've been going around telling everyone 'oh, my daughter in law is training as a solicitor', she's very accomplished, and they're all so-"

"mum," matty interjects, not unkindly. "we really are a bit tired. talk later, yeah?"

"oh, of course. sorry, sorry," denise waves you off. "looking forward to a good girlie catchup later, darling!"

"me too!" you shout, as matty pulls you down the hall, up the stairs, and into his old bedroom. he face plants onto his bed with an "ughhhhhhh", and you giggle. "happy to be home?"

"mixed emotions, actually," matty rolls over to look at you. "because, on one hand, mum's stressing me out already, calling you her daughter in law…"

"i thought that was quite sweet, baby."

"...but, on the other hand," he opens his arms out, and you climb onto the bed and into them without a second thought. matty's hands find your hips almost immediately. "i've got you on my lap in my old bed. nothing could be better."

an idea pops into your head - it's twisted of you, you know it, but you can't resist. grabbing the hem of your jumper, you pull it over your head and throw the fabric to the floor, leaving your top half bare save the dark red bra you know is your boyfriend's favourite. his breath catches in his throat, and you smile, saccharine. "slight improvement?"

"you-" matty lies down and covers his face with his hands, breathing heavily. when he looks back up at you, though, he's smiling (albeit slightly defeatedly). "you knew that would get me, you minx."

"i suspected, yes."

"oh, she's cheeky," matty smacks your still-covered bum, sitting up quickly to kiss you and muffle the moan that escapes your lips when his hand makes contact. "i'll have to do something about that."

sheer glee overcomes you. "now?"

matty softens, tenderly tucking a stray hair behind your ear. "no, sweetheart. i want to take my time with you, and that's time we don't have tonight. but," his lips kiss up your neck, and hover over your ear. "i'm going to fuck you in this bed before we go back to london at the weekend, i promise. sound good?"

"very," you nod, kissing matty's forehead. "do we still have time to kiss for a bit now, though?"

your boyfriend checks the alarm clock on the bedside table, a digital radio thing that used to blast system of a down in lieu of an actual alarm. "one really long one."

"fine by me," you say, hooking a finger under matty's chin and pulling him to you. he rolls the two of you over so you're under him, bringing his hands to hold your face as he kisses you.

the pda from earlier was nice, but you far prefer these private making out sessions; the kisses are far more passionate, sloppier and dirtier and desperate. matty tangles his hands in your hair, and kisses like he's trying to devour you. quite frankly, you'd let him.

actually, the way he looks when he pulls away from your lips (your foreheads stay touching, a tender contrast to the passion of the kiss), beautiful eyes wide and staring adoringly at you, cheeks flushed, lips kissed and bitten cherry-red? you'd let him do anything to you.

god, you still can't believe he's yours.

and he's quite set on showing that you're his, it seems; after exchanging "i love you"s, matty peels himself off both you and the bed to rifle through the wardrobe, uttering a quiet but excited "fuck yeah" when he comes across something.

he turns, and you see he's holding a familiar blue hoodie with a yellow design. "d'you wanna wear this tonight? it's quite cosy."

"are you serious?" you gawk at him, remembering several occasions of having to coax matty out of actually hitting people should they dare even touch that hoodie. "that's, like, your most prized possession. you didn't even want to bring it to the flat in case something happened to it in the move."

"yeah."

"and you're giving it to me? to wear? to a bonfire?"

"yeah," matty grins. "wanna try it on?"

you nod, taking the hoodie and carefully pulling it over your head. he's right. it is cosy. "how do i look?"

"oh my god," matty's jaw drops as he takes you in; it lifts back into a smile as he smoothes your hair and kisses your nose. "perfect. my perfect girl. i love you."

"i love you too," you rake a hand through matty's curls, gently massaging his scalp. "i'm excited for tonight. more so now that i'm wearing this."

your boyfriend laughs. "me too, darlin'. it'll be sweet."

he's right. it's one of the colder november 5ths you remember experiencing, weather-wise, but matty never gives you the chance to get cold; his hands are either holding your own or on your waist as you chat to his family (who all share the same sentiment that "it's so nice to finally see the two of you all loved-up. we knew it would happen!"), keeping you ensconced in a cocoon of literal warmth and love-induced glow. the only time he lets go of you is to get you a drink or a baked potato or another s'more, and even then his less-than-a-minute-long departures are bookended by little kisses - the same sort of cute, giggly ones he gives you to get rid of the chocolate from the s'mores lingering on your lips.

as you wait for the fireworks display, the main event of the night, matty settles on a camping chair and tugs you onto his lap, covering you both in an old tartan blanket. he kisses your temple. "you having fun, darlin'?"

"mhmm. a lot of fun," you snuggle into him, taking a sip of your tea and holding the flask towards him. "want some?"

he takes a sip, wincing as the brew hits his tongue. "christ, sweetheart. i don't know how you can drink that. s'far too strong."

"well, i'm sweet enough already."

another kiss. "yeah, you are," matty murmurs against your lips. "sweet girl. my sweet girl."

you restart the kiss at the exact moment the fireworks start to shoot into the sky and burst into colour - naturally, it doesn't last long at all, because you and your boyfriend both start laughing at the unintentionally perfect timing.

matty kisses your nose instead. "you know, as heavy-handed as it was, i'm glad that just happened. i always feel like there's fireworks going off in my brain when you kiss me. and that nat king cole song, too."

"which song?"

"you know," matty bobs his head, presumably to the music playing in it. "l! is for the way you look at me!"

giggling, you kiss his cheek. "so… like the opening scene in the parent trap, yeah?"

matty's brow furrows, and he opens his mouth as if to argue; he closes it after about half a second and sighs. "yeah, exactly like that. without the divorce, though."

"i would hope so," you snuggle further into him. "wouldn't mind if you bought a vineyard in napa, though. i could get used to that."

matty smiles against your neck. "well, i'll see what i can do after the second album releases."

"thanks, baby."

#mads muses #mads does writing #flatmate!matty #matty healy fanfiction #matty healy fanfic #matty healy fic #matty healy fluff #matty healy x reader #matty x reader #promptober75

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