#(sure sounds a lot like someone else's album-release approach) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

caxde · 1 year

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dazed and confused | eddie munson x reader

summary you work on Hawkin's music shop, and Eddie is a regular costumer. Your friends (Steve and Robin mostly) help you to gain confidence and flirt with him.

word count: 8.1k (i think is the longest oneshot ive ever done, yikes)

warnings fem!reader (but i think i didn't use pronouns so u know ;) ), fluff, like lots of fluff, mutual pining, yearning etc, slowburn strangers to lovers, idiots in love!!!, use and metion of beer and cigarretes. english is not my first language so I apologise if there’s some mistakes, not proof read!!

“You might actually have fun” He said for the millionth time, following you around as you restock the shelves.

“Oh, I dunno Harrignton.” You answer, glancing quickly at him. “Doubt I’ll do.” You remark, keeping track of what you needed to get from the back, you counted and scribbled down on your little notebook.

“C’mon, just a couple hours, if you’re not having fun I’ll drive you back home myself.” You were getting slightly annoyed at him now, he could have chosen any day to come and mess around at your job, but as it turned out, Saturday was your busiest day, and it was release week for a lot of musicians, December approaching as it were.

“Dude, seriously, you can come in here and annoy me, but please not today?” You begged as you walked behind the counter, leaving him waiting as you disappeared for a few seconds crouching down at the boxes and picking up a promotional poster that you begged your manager would let you keep.

“If I leave, will you agree to come?” You scoff away at his question and the only response you received was him messing his hair up.

“Why do you insist on me to come?” You demand, daggers shooting away at him. “Take Robin! Robin loves parties.” You say, truly meaning it, hoping he would listen to you.

“Robin finally has a date!” He announces as a proud father, and you almost drop all the vinyls you were holding.

“Shit! Really?” You ask with your face in complete glee, a smile growing in between your cheeks.

“Yeah! Vickie asked her after she dumped that blonde dude, so, I need a wing-woman!” He explains, almost screaming even if you can tell he was aiming for a whisper, he was so excited it got to the best of him.

“Why though?” You still didn’t understand why he wanted you there.

“Okay, jesus…” He finally admits, sounding defeated as he walks behind you, you needed to restock more vinyls in the rock and metal section. “Nance is gonna be there… And… You know…”

“Oh…” You said as you realized that he needed a little push to get the one that got away back. “Wait, didn’t Nancy dump you at a party?” You demand as you walk back to the section and start organizing the pressed music into different artists.

“Well yeah, thought it would be kinda nice to-'' He cuts himself off, shaking his head and locking eyes with you. “Please?”

“Jesus Christ….” At that moment he knew you had agreed, and his smile grew bigger. “Yeah, ‘kay, but you owe me, like… big time!” You shout at him, finger raised and everything, he smiled and nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, I’ll pick you up a six-pack or whatever you wanna.” He says as he’s leaving.

“Or you could actually buy something for once!” You scream at him, too far away to actually hear anything you’re saying to him. “Asshole” You mutter under your breath.

Keeping your brain focused on the task at hand, you looked at the bands that you had in front of you, Deep Purple, Iron Maiden, Metallica and Led Zeppelin. Your finger tapped the last one’s cover, thinking if you needed to get more stocked. And how in love you were with the last album. You were gonna buy yourself a copy as soon as you could. So you took a little bit longer to actually put them together, making sure everything looked nice and was easy to find, as you spin rapidly to get back to the counter, your body slams into someone else’s.

“Shit, sorry!” You say as you look up at this boy’s face. You froze on the spot.

“S’okay, wasn’t looking.” He says, grabbing your arm, pushing you back , looking at you, making sure you are okay. His brown eyes looking directly at yours. Long curly hair framing them. “You okay?” He asks, inclining his head slightly to the right.

“Ah, yeah, yeah. Great. Um, if you need help with anything…” You stumble as you talk, you have only seen him from afar, never actually spoke to him, you didn’t even know his name. Only thing you knew was this, he came every Thursday and looked if you had anything new, so it was shocking to see him on a Saturday .

He didn’t talk much when he checked the things off, biting his lower lip, he would nod and search for the money you asked for.

“Actually, do you have the um… Perfect Strangers cassette? You know it’s-” You feel bad from cutting him up, but you get excited for a second.

“Deep Purple? Yeah!” You say, happy to help him, he smiles at you and you can’t help your face as you copy his expression. “Great album…” You whisper as you relook at the shelves.

“Yeah, I Know, I lent it to a friend, and I don’t think I'll ever get it back, so…” He explains, as he follows you, you chuckle at his explanation as you nod.

“Happened to me with Mötley Crue’s Too Fast For Love '' You say to him, at which you see him smile to himself. “Aha!” You let out as you see the little cassette, you point your feet to reach when you feel him behind you, arm higher than yours, chest closer than before, your cheeks growing red at an alarming rate as he grabs it before you, and you look up at his hand, three silver rings decorating his fingers.

“I got it” He says, once you turn to him. He smiles as he messes with his hair, and when he realizes that he’s a little too close to you for a stranger, takes an apologetic step back, and signals you to go first, bowing his head low. You whisper a thanks as you walk to the register.

“Do you… Um.. want anything else… uh..?” You ask, hopping he introduces himself, so you can stop referring to him in your head as hellfire boy

“Um, Eddie.” He says, you smile as you hear his name, he does the same as he looks at you.

“Do you need anything else, Eddie?” You ask, cheeks flushed pink and a smile on your face.

“No, no, that’ll be it.” He says, searching for his wallet in his back pocket. You nod, and as you grab a little bag for his cassette, you leave a Deep Purple patch in the bag, a little gift for him.

“Okay then, here you go.” He left a ten dollar bill and before you could give him the change he gestures a no with his head, smiling as he does so.

“Keep the change, and thank you.” He says grabbing the bag, giving you one last look.

“See you!” You say.

“Yeah, see you.” He says, as you watch him leave, biting your lower lip containing your excitement.

You were retouching your make-up in the passenger's seat, nervously fussing as you tried to apply mascara over the speed bumps.

“Jesus Harrigton! Don’t wanna poke my eye out.” You say to him, as he slows down for once.

“Sorry!” He says again. “Don’t know why you’re so nervous now…” He says under his breath, stopping at a red light, at which you take advantage of and draw in your waterline, black.

“S’nothing.” You mumble, evidently lying. You can feel his questioning stare and you chuckle. “What?”

“Someone’s happy…” He teases, as he leaves the red light you see him smiling at himself. “Oh… did he finally talk to you?” He says teasing you.

“I don’t know who you’re talking about…” You whisper, dismissing his tone and smudging your eyeliner a bit, playing with your hair next.

“Oh come on! I saw him in the shop eyeing you!” He says, you can’t help but smile.

“Damn it Steve!” You confess in between laughs. He parks his car as you continue. “He did… he’s nice..” You admit, playing with your ring nervously as you wait for him to stop the car.

“Did you… I dunno, introduce yourself? Ask for his number? Flirt a little?” he keeps teasing you as he leaves the car, six-pack on his left hand. You slam the door shut as you let out air.

“I panicked, only got his name…”

“God you’re bad at this.” He chuckles, as he gives you an opened beer bottle.

“Welp, you are supposed to teach me so…” You tease back, taking a quick sip.

“Fuck off…” He says, opening one for himself, walking up to the noisy house.

“I did give him a little gift, and he tipped, so maybe he’ll remember me next time…” You say looking at the floor, drinking a little bit more. Getting more nervous as you saw more and more people hanging about the place you were going.

“Sure he will, you’re unforgettable!” He says sarcastically. You show him your tongue in a teasing response.

It really wasn’t your scene, corny music, people making-out as soon as you opened the door could be seen, you really wished Robin was here, so you could speak to someone when Steve inevitably disappeared with somebody else. He walked to the kitchen and you followed him, you could see him searching for her, and you couldn’t resist but to tease him, whispering loverboy to his ear, he playfully punched you. But as soon as he saw her, he was left speechless.

“You really like her, huh?” you asked him, eyes in the opposite direction.

He nodded as he looked at you. You smiled, happy to keep watch in the kitchen.

“Go!” You said to him, he moved his head no and looked at the ground, playing nervously with his hair.

“No, no– I ah… Leave you alone?” he mumbled as he tried to keep his cool.

“It is okay Steve.” you reassured him. “You go talk to Nance, I’ll make sure the beer is drinkable.” You say to him ironically, he chuckled and muttered a thank you to you as he left.

You nodded at the two idiots.

You knew Nancy still liked him, so you enjoyed seeing the two idiots in love talking to each other, from afar. It was also fun to tease him back.

So you did as you promised, you stayed put with a drink in your hand, and when it finished, you refilled, holding onto hope that Steve won’t be long, and proven mistaken when twenty minutes pass. You grew bored of Bowie’s music, not that you didn’t like “The Rise and Fall Of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars” but you had been playing that for two weeks over at the shop, courtesy of his new movie he starred in, and you just needed a break. As you searched for a distraction, you saw an abandoned packet of Camel on the kitchen counter, jackpot.

You could smoke it right there, but some fresh air would keep you more refreshed and awake.

So you stumbled your way across, walking through the maze of drunken people, or couples grossly making-out. Hopefully, the back door was open and nobody was blocking it, so you could breath in the cold air, your beat up cropped Zeppelin shirt wasn't that much help against the cold, but you didn’t seem to mind, it actually felt kind of nice, to be able to feel the warmth the cigarette left in your fingers.

Red cup in one hand, cigarette in the other, you looked out at the yard, and almost dropped them both.

He was here. And he was looking curiously at you. He smiled as he waved to you, and you did the same, dragging the smoke out of your fingers, and as you see him approaching you can’t help but mutter shit to yourself.

“Hey” He says, lips parted from the cold, rosy cheeks for the same motive contrasting his pale skin.

“He-hey” You mutter, readjusting your voice, since it’s been a while since you spoke out loud.

“What are you doing here?” he says, hugging himself, leather sleeves poking out of his jean vest.

“I, um. A friend needed some luck…” You say vaguely, not believing that he was actually speaking to you, and not really caring why he actually was doing so.

“Oh, he around?” He said, looking behind you, moving his head around, your eyes fixated in his neck.

“Ah, no. He left with the girl a while ago. Hopefully he actually gets lucky this time…” You say more to yourself than to him, at which you catch him chuckle, and you smile in replay. And you can’t help but look at him again. You get lost in his chest, more importantly, in a newly stitched up patch, he notices you looking at it and smiles at you.

“Found it in a bag…” He says looking at you, grin in his face. “Thank you, for it.” He continued.

“Thought you might like it.” You admit, your cheeks were getting warmer, despite the cold that surrounded you.

“I do, thank you stranger.” He said, as he winked at you, you nodded, words failing you in that moment.

“You’re welcome.”

“What you drinking?” he asks, reaching for the cup, and you let him take a sip of it, sight locked in his lips. “Mmh, nice.” He says, getting closer to you, offering his arm. “Wanna get more?” he asks. At which, you take his arm and head inside, not really believing that it was really happening, or what was actually going on.

“Enough about my date! I wanna hear about yours!” Robin’s voice comes through the speaker of your telephone, you laugh in shock.

“What date?” You ask, and for whatever reason she laughs at the question.

“Oh come on” She says, ironically, you can tell she’s moving her head side to side. “Steve told me you weren’t alone when he came down” She whispers, and your hand reaches your eyes, shame in your heart.

“God dammit Robs… He’s so nice… And it wasn’t a date, ‘cus a date would mean that he asked me out, which he hasn’t, and honestly, I think he was just trying to be nice ‘cus stupid Steve left me alone with people I don’t really know.” She was laughing again, you were getting flustered at the memory of him.

“Or maybe, he wanted to get to know you, you know?”

“I dunno… Don’t wanna create expectations and then…”

“Yeah, yeah…” She finishes for you. “Well, tomorrows a Thursday, so maybe you’ll see him again?” She asks with teasing in her tone.

“Yeah, maybe.”

It had been months since you had such calmness in the store. So much so, you were the only one working today, could choose the background music, and since everything was clean, stocked and organized, you could just enjoy the moment.

Perfect stillness.

So you crouched down to the little crate that you hide behind the counter labeled workers shit. You roamed through it, hoping to find something that would catch your eye, passing from album to album, admiring every cover art, because you quite literally had nothing else to do. As you emerged back up, you had a dilemma in front of you, and you let your head rest in your hands as you looked down at both albums. Rumors by Fleetwood Mac was an exceptional album, you had no doubt about it, but… Led Zeppelin’s self titled one was eyeing you.

“Where to start, where to start…” You sang to yourself as you thought, completely lost in possibility.

So it really shouldn’t surprise anyone, that his voice surprised you enough to jump as he spoke, making you both laugh.

“No music?” He said before you jumped, and after a quick chuckle and apology he continued. “Sorry, I meant… You always have music playing.” he came back, and with him, your pink cheeks and nervousness.

“I.. Well yeah, but I usually just agree to whatever my colleague wants, and I almost never have the choice so now I don’t really know what to start with…” You explain to him, fast, almost rumbling as he smiles at you, big brown eyes looking tenderly as he does so.

His hands find their way over the counter, close enough to yours to make you unconsciously bite your lower lip, as your eyes follow them up. Hands, wrists, arms, shoulders, neck, long hair, eyes. His head looked down, as his fingers moved to grab the album on the left, focused as he read what they had inside, while the only thing you could actually focus on were the veins in his arms.

“Didn’t think you liked Fleetwood…” He mumbled, you leaned closer, without really thinking about what your body was doing.

“Well, Steveie’s voice… She truly is magic.” You whisper, more to you than to him. He lights up as his eyes meet yours, smiles in both your faces.

“Wouldn’t really know…” He confesses, pulling his body closer, forearms resting atop of the counter, whispering to you. “Haven’t really given them an opportunity…” He says, eyes travelling from your eyes, to your lips and neck. Even if you were nervous about having him that close, you were so happy to be able to talk to him about music! of all things… You were just really enjoying the moment.

“Well, you gotta.” You replay with a shy smile, your eyes completely lost in his. He nods as he taps the vinyl.

“You got ‘em in cassette?” He asks, and as you nod you pull back a bit, looking at your shelf. You had it saved in case someone called <<Lauren>> would pick it up, but it's been three months and she hadn’t, so you decide to rip the post-it off and throw it in the thrash. You feel his sight locked on your back, and that might be why you move slower, or why your waist turns more than it needs to.

“There you go.”

“Thanks.” He says, reaching for his wallet. You put your hand forward, signaling a no with your head as you smiled softly at him.

“On me.” You say, pushing the little plastic box to him. He smiles as he reaches for it, fingers touching yours, electricity between both of you.

“You don’t have to…” He says, still holding it, brushing your index finger, eyes still locked with yours.

“I want to.” You reassure him.

He nods, and mutters a thank you. You look at him as he starts to leave and you go back to the vinyl, taking it out of its envelope, when you hear his sneakers turning around.

“When do you get off?”

“8.30.” You replay, shocked at the question.

“You’ve got plans?”

“No”

“Wanna come to The Hideout?” He says, and you could swear he was the one getting flushed. “My uh… My band plays there at 9.30” He adds, your smile grows bigger. “We usually do it on Tuesdays and its a smaller crowd, but he got an offer to play today.” He says excitedly, rumbling like you do. “You can tell your friends” You can see him getting nervous, just like you did when he first approached you. “Or you know-”

You cut him off.

“I’ll be there.”

“So, it is a date?” Robin said once you arrived at the small bar.

“No, I mean I don’t think so…” You replay, your eyebrows furrowed, as you looked at her smiling, teasing face.

“But he did ask you?” She continues, with the same tone.

“Well, yeah, but… y’know, a date is like, only two people, and you talk to the other person, and get to know them, right?” You try to rationalize, as you ask for help by looking at her. “I mean, he probably was just being nice, or… or friendly? Like, y’know, I gave him a tape so he invited me and a friend to come around…so technically… not a date?” She didn’t give you an answer, she just shrugged her shoulders and laughed, heading to the entrance of said bar, you followed her, not any calmer, not one bit.

“Or he just wanted to show off, leave you impressed and then ask you out.” She says as you reach the actual bar, and as you push her shoulder in a friendly punch, she stumbles into a blonde girl you can’t really see, so you apologise, until you see Robin’s smile grow bigger in her face. “Well hello…” She muttered.

“Hey cutie.” Vickie. You smiled at the sight of them, pure adoration between their eyes. They took a bit of time to eye one another until they remembered you were there, and you couldn’t help but laugh at them.

“God, you two are cute…” You say, as they giggle back at you. “Do you idiots in love want anything?”

“Nah”

“We’re good, thank you!” Vickie says, finally looking at you, at which you nod.

You walked back to the bar, glancing at your friend, and a smile on your face. You were incredibly happy for her, she had been patient, and she deserved it more than anyone, and Vickie seemed so nice…

“Waddu want, sweetie?” The bartender's voice snaps you back into reality, and you quickly look at him.

“Ah, yeah, sorry.” He nods, and so do you. “Um, just a beer, please?” You say, maybe a bit too low you realize, but he seemed to understand you just fine. You reached into the inside of your jacket pocket, and once you had your wallet in your hand and looked at the man handing you the beer he shakes his head no.

“Already taken care of, sweetie.” He says, pointing at Eddie on the stage, waving hello at you. You blush a little bit as you salute him with the bottle, mouthing a small cheers to him, and he smiles back with a thumbs up.

“Thank you” You say to the bartender, and he nods in response. You walk back to your friends as you check the time on your wrist, it was about to start. “Hey, d’you wanna get closer?” They both nod, and you march on, and surprisingly, and even if the venue wasn’t that big, it was packed tonight, so you decided to stay in the third row, where you could be more comfortable, and still have room to dance.

“Oh shit, almost forgot.” Robin said, grabbing your elbow. “Steve gave me back your camera, says it should work now.” You smile as a thank you. The kids had begged you to trust them with this project, and hopefully they did a good job.

“Is it loaded?” You ask, eyeing Eddie in the shadows. Light still not on. Robin nodded in response and you got back to admiring him.

When the lights did finally light up, you were amazed. His arms were in full display, tattoos visible, and so were his veins, as he grabbed his guitar with force. The light bounced around his skin, making him look more defined than you had ever seen him. Just some hours ago you had seen him, but truly never like this. He ditched his usual Hellfire shirt, and wore a black button up, held together by the last button, so the red light that the stage had travelled down his chest, and what was worse, he was smiling. He was smiling directly at you.

So you spent the rest of the gig taking pictures of him, as he looked at you, and on occasions, Robin photographed you smiling at him.

“You really are their mom, huh?” You tease Steve as he hangs around the counter, waiting for the lunch club to actually pick what they want.

“Shuddup.” He says, slightly annoyed, a smile on his face as he looks back at them. “And I prefer being called a babysitter, thank you so much.” He answers, nodding his head, making his hair bop up and down.

“Okay… Babysitter Harrington…” He scoffs with a short laugh, as do you. You look down at the photos again, the kids developed them for you and you were in awe. And yeah, they had a million questions that you avoided.

“So…?”

“What?”

“Oh come on, you're smiling at them!” Steve points as he says so, grabbing one of the photos that shows a very happy you looking at him on the stage.

“It’s nothing” You mumble, trying to not give it any importance, covering them with a piece of paper.

“Oh, fuck off. You might be able to bullshit Henderson or Wheeler but not me.” He declares, looking at you. You could tell that he won’t stop annoying you until you open your mouth. “And besides, Robin told me some things. I mean she was more focused on the whole Vickie of it all, but y’know”

“Yeah, I know. They really look happy Steve…” He asks you to continue with a raised eyebrow. “I just don’t wanna make a fool out of myself. He was just being nice. Not a date. Just him inviting me to his little gig.” As you say that you can’t help but recall him, in the stage, absolutely adoring the applause and praise he got, and how he soaked the light red up, making him look angelic and demonic at the same time.

“Look, maybe he does want to ask you out, but he's too shy to do so?” He asks, looking at you, reassuring with a little tap on your shoulder. “Like you…”

He gets interrupted by a little curly haired kid wearing a snapback.

“You guys talking ‘bout Eddie?” Dustin asks, raising his eyebrows at you.

“Hello to you too kid.” You answer in return. “What is it gonna be Henderson?” You ask, in your customer service voice as he hands you over a little tape. “Huh, didn’t take you for an Iron Maiden fan Dustin.” You say as you scan it.

“Well…” He starts to explain as he reaches for his pocket. “It’s actually a present, y’know, an end of campaign gift for our DM.” He says excited, as he raises his eyebrows.

“Oh, nice.” You smile back at him. “Sure he’ll like it.” You reassure him, even if you didn’t understand a word that came out of his mouth.

“Yeah, Eddie said he loves this band!” Mike adds up, having found his way into the conversation, with another tape in his hand.

“Oh, Eddie the um…?” They all nod, knowing what you were going to ask. “He actually already has this one…” You say with an apologetic look in your face.

“Shit. You sure?” Dustin asks.

“Yeah, he ordered Somewhere In Time two weeks ago, and paid for it, he’ll probably come and collect it today or tomorrow.” You say as you turn the monitor to the kids, who stare with awe at the amount of data collected.

“You keep track of him?” Mike asks, accusing you of something.

“What? No.” You spit back at him. “I’m just good at my job.” You say as you stick your tongue out at him. “You could get him some uh… Black Sabbath, y’know?” You ask as the two little kids nod at you. You take a second to run to the back of the store and grab some of the ones that you still had to restock. “So one Seventh Star to go.” You say as you hand it to them, who look incredibly nervous now. “What? I can give you guys more options if your not-”

They cut you off as they snatch the tape out of your hands and throw the bill at you as they run out of the store.

“Who raised you?” You ask more to yourself than anyone else, as you're left there, in awe and shock, looking at Steve for some answers.

“Your boy just got in.” He says as he nods to him, who was heading to the hard-rock section. “See ya!” He says as he runs to reach the little kids.

You’re left alone and feeling completely speechless. Asking yourself a million questions about what has just really happened, but too focused on getting your job actually done, even if you were just distracted.

So you recovered the box in the back with everything that you had to restock, being interrupted by a soft smiling Eddie standing at the counter, tapping along at the song that’s playing in the background.

“Hey Eddie.” You salute him, shyly, leaving the box on the counter.

“Hey stranger.” He said back, a smile growing bigger.

“I’ve got your tape, hold on.” You say as you look for it on your shelf.

“No rush.” He says, locking his eyes in you, watching patiently as you head back, and he really was looking at every detail of you, from the way that you walk to the way that your hair moved as you did so. He was blushing now.

When you come back with it, you find him with the photo that Steve had in his hand, smiling as he looks at it, looking back at a very flustered you.

“Oh…” Is the only thing that you manage to say.

“You look good…” He mutters, with a whisper of a voice.

“I um… thanks!” You answer, not really sure what to do next. So you leave the tape down and uncover the rest of the photos. “I took some of you and… Robin, well, the tall girl that was with me also took some and uh well… Wasn’t gonna really show them to you ‘cause they're kinda bad but-” He cuts your rambling with a chuckle as he looks at all of them.

He’s smiling with his teeth, blushing and stroking them softly, his ring decorated fingers passing through them.

“They are good. You make me look amazing.” He praises you.

“Well, you are.” You say before realizing what you were actually saying.

Once you did, your face was warmer and for sure showing colors.

He smiles and you do the same, with a soft laugh as your eyes lock once again, his body resting completely on the counter now, dreamily looking at you, back and forth between your eyes and your lips.

“Thank you…” He says, grabbing the tape. A moment of silence, not awkward but comfortable, is shared between the two of you. “What is… what’s this song?” He asks, and you're left in shock.

“You gotta know T.Rex…” You say back to him, as you see how he shyly moves his head no, burying his face in his hands in shame. “Eddie!”

“I’m sorry! I don’t…” He says back at you, biting his lower lip.

“Oh come on… D’you know, Jeepster?” No he lets you know. “Okay, how about um…Sinister Purpose by Creedence Clearwater Revival?” No again. “Jesus… Led? You know Led Zeppelin?”

“Yeah, I know them.” You sigh in relief.

“Dazed and Confused?” You ask him, it being your favourite song.

“I kinda feel like that, yeah.” The palm of your hand reaches your face in frustration.

“It’s a song…” You whisper, as you chuckle and he laughs as he apologises. “My favourite actually.”

“Then I’m sure it’s a good one.”

“That’s not enough!” You let him know, flustered in all kinds of ways. “D’you know what, I’ll make you a tape, so you can actually know them, and maybe you’ll like them.” You say as you get lost in him for a second too long.

“Okay then, but, you’ll listen to it with me.”

“Okay, sure.”

“Grate, pick you up tomorrow when you close.” He says as he leaves with the new Iron Maiden tape under his hand.

And it suddenly dawns on you, that did sound like a date.

Finally, the last lady left the store.

And the usual relief that you were used to feel when closing time came around, became a weird excitement.

So, as a distraction or a routine, you did what you usually did once you were left to your own devices. Change the sign to closed, dial the volume up, and sing at the top of your lungs as you sweep the shop.

You would normally have to do inventory and whatnot, but your co-worker Carla had already, she even closed the register, begging you to let her go early because she had a hot date. Of course you said yes, not wanting to tell her that you might have one too.

Because, as usual, you were looking at Eddie’s proposition practically.

You had gifted him a Deep Purple Patch, so he was nice to you at the party.

You had given him a tape and he invited you to see him in The Hideout. (And bought you a beer)

You had offered to make him a tape with your favourite songs and he said he wanted you there when he heard them.

So technically, he was just being nice.

But then again, people that are just friends don’t really do things he did.

Steve and you were just friends, and he never drank from your cup. Eddie did.

Robin and you were just friends, and she had never blushed when you complimented her. Eddie did.

Steve and you were just friends, and he never made you blush so much your face became like a tomato. Eddie did.

You grew frustrated of making stupid lists in your head, so you really tried to focus on what you were actually doing, to little to no use.

So you focused on the lyrics, mumbling along them, screaming the occasional phrase that you enjoyed, dancing around and using the broom as if it were your personal microphone stand.

So when you heard a little laugh, you jumped, almost falling to the ground. Broom touching it.

Eddie had sneaked in, and had surely enjoyed the little show you had going on, dancing around not really caring, and he laid there, standing close to the entrance door smiling at you.

“Sorry!” He said, with an apologetic gesture. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s alright! I was just um…”

“Dancing” He finishes, resting his weight on a shelf, arms crossed in his chest, looking you up and down as you squad down to retrieve the fallen object. You nod with your cheeks pink, not really knowing what to say next, a comfortable silence, broken by his voice once again. “You need help?”

“Oh, um.. no don’t worry, it’s just this corner I’ve got left.” You say to him, really trying not to get distracted by the way his arms look, tensed up, with his veins showing as his sleeves got caught up in his upper forearms. “I do have to go backdoor and grab my coat but it’s a second.” You say, as you smile wilde at him. He nods as he starts walking to the counter.

“I got it.” He says. Before you can tell him not to bother, he’s already in the back rummaging through as you hear him humming to himself.

You try to finish your work before he gets out, and for whatever reason, maybe he’s distracted by the amount of unreleased material you guard, or maybe in a more mundane manner, he is just truly admiring your jacket, and picturing you wearing as he has seen multiple times from afar, he does just that, finding you in the back of the counter, turning the computer off and turning the stereo off, making sure you were missing nothing.

His hands travel to your waist, squeezing it softly, his cold hands in contact with your warm skin, you feel the tingle that the goosebumps leave your skin, electricity flying between both of you.

You turn around surprised, almost tripping over him in a flustered reaction, you let out a soft moan that escapes your soft lips. He smirks as he sees you, close to his body, and your chest agitated, in contrast to his calm demeanor.

“Your jacket” He whispers, lips to your ear as you turn to look at him, before you’re locking eyes to one another.

“Th-thanks.” You manage to say, not knowing how to ask, being this close to him.

If you were being honest, you had pictured his home a million times, each of it different to the last one, but you would have never guessed just how perfect it was for him.

A small trailer, fit with the strangest things that suited him.

A collection of mugs lives in the walls of the entrance, decorating the yellow walls, T.V turned off.

You were focused on the, each one different to the next, they didn’t seem to be in any particular order, but in an organized chaos that fitted him in an incredible manner.

“Those are Wayne’s mugs.” He says, as he watches you with a smirk in his face, as you admire them.

“They’re fun. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many mugs together.” He laughs as he looks at you once again, his sight lost in your figure and the way your body moves, standing finally in his living room.

You fidget with the tape as you look around, not sure where to sit or where to go, your body relaxes as you see him come closer to you, beer in hand offering it to you.

You nod as you take it, happy for the drink, excited for the company.

“If you wanna, I can bring the stereo here, I usually keep it in my room ‘cus Wayne finds it annoying but…” He shakes his head as he’s rumbling, eyes moving back, from the floor to you. “Whatever you find more comfortable I don’t wanna uh…” You smile back at him, relating to his rumbling.

You find that he’s not as intimidating as he shows to the world, you see his soft side, not really wanting to really push you into anything that would make you feel slightly uncomfortable or awkward or whatever that is the contrary of safe.

So you nod, as you lock eyes.

“I’m sure it's heavy, we can just go there, door open…” You say, letting him know your boundary for tonight.

He guides you to his room, an organized mess lies before you. A big hand-sprayed Corroded Coffin banner hanging from one wall, multiple posters, some you recognized from your own walls at work, some laid in your own room, a desk full of various things, from ashtrays (full and almost empty in rotation), to a mechanic’s manual lay around.

“Kinda messy, sorry…” He says, as he catches you looking around, amazed.

“No, actually… Kinda pictured you in a room like this.” You replay, playing with the tape in between your fingers, tapping it nervously.

Looking down at it, you realize you clearly had a favourite band. Side A being filled with different bands, while the whole of Side B is just filled exclusively with Led Zeppelin.

You're getting embarrassed that he might hate it.

“You okay?” He asks as he notices you, frozen in the spot, looking down at the mixtape.

“Uh, yeah… Sorry… Just realized this might be shit.” You say, apologetically, raising your shoulders up.

He moves his head no as he smiles at you, approaching as his teeth show, hair brushing his cheeks.

“You’re overthinking.” He says, touching your fingers as he grabs the tape, spending more time than he needed to in doing so, enjoying your touch and the warmth you leave in his skin.

The closeness doesn’t make you nervous, or produces butterflies, it actually calms you down. You feel as if he is a safe-space, not a reason for your anxiety to run through, and as you realize this, you can’t help your lips to widen your smile, eyes locked in his touch.

“Is this one of yours?” He asks as he flips the tape, the cover was one of the photos you took on his gig. Him. Standing in all his glory. Low cut black shirt framing his torso, tattoos poking out. His eyes looking directly at the camera, directly at you. As he smiles, guitar in his hand.

“Yeah, thought you might like it…” You see as he nods, a pink colour creeping in his cheeks.

“You really make me look like a Rockstar…” He whispers back, as he moves to the stereo, and you clock three various sized amps in his room, so you giggle a little at the sight of them, he turns to you, tape still in his hand. “What?” He asks with glee in his face.

“Am I gonna go deaf with…?” You ask as you point to them, he shakes his head no as he looks at them, chuckling as he does so.

“Ah, no… No. They’re ah, one’s for the gigs, the big one is. The middle one has something that’s broken inside but it makes this cool reverb effect so we sometimes use it when we’re messing around, y’know.” He begins to explain, excitedly as he points and walks over to each one of them, smiling brightly at you. “And this little boy is the one that I actually use for the stereo. I mean it's smaller but it sounds amazing…” He says as he slaps it with a familiarity of having done this a thousand times. Maybe when it doesn’t work that well you think.

So you nod, as you take a sip of the beer, sitting down in his bed, comfortable sheets to your touch.

Sinister Purpose filled the room.

The bass line that you adored made you move your head up and down at a very surprised yet attentive Eddie. You could see how his brain was centered in the lyrics as his hand tapped along his tight, mimicking what accords were being used.

And you did what you could never help yourself to stop. You whispered the words, coming in and out of song, enjoying it, maybe a little too much.

“Sinister Purpose…Knocking at your door… Come and take my hand…” You continued as it was finishing. Enjoying the final riff, relaxing into his bed, taking another sip. He walked right where you were. Sitting next to you, clinging the bottles before he sips his own.

“Not my usual, but it's a fun one.” He says, as you smile at him, nodding to his words.

“I know but shuush, T.Rex’s coming!” You say excitedly. Tapping your hands to the rhythm

Jeepster was now playing, and you used your beer bottle as if it were a mic, fooling around making him laugh, once he learned the chorus, he would match your words, messing around with you. Swinging both of your heads, laughter filling the room.

He didn’t know the first part of the verse, so he would shut up, looking, or in a better match of words, adoring you as you delight him.

“The wild winds blow… upon your frozen cheeks… The way you flip your hip… it always makes me weak!” You start, and you see him smiling, as he mumbles the next lyrics, not really following along with the rhythm, even if your ring is marking it against the glass bottle.

“‘Cos you’re my baby… ‘cos you’re my love… Oh girl I’m just a jeepster for your love.” Laughter and giggles coming from both of you, truly enjoying the moment, teasing one another, really meaning what you were singing even if the other was obvious to it.

As the song was drawing to a finish, he started to give you his review.

“It’s a really dovey-lovey song, isn’t it?” He said, with his eyebrows raised, locking his eyes on you, hand resting in your lap.

“Well, yeah. But it’s catchy. You were singing it!” You contradict his words by nudging him in his chest. As you do so you realize how truly close he is. His thigh was almost touching yours, yet his hand rested in it, electricity escaping from it. Your chests were in each others direction, eyes locked, undivided attention and, why not say it, adoration, clear for one another. “Besides, I am like that…”

Your eyes darting away from him, looking down at your beer. Nervousness of having him close, or maybe to open up, you decide to take another big mouthful of it.

“What do you mean-” You interrupt him.

“Oh, I think you’ll really like this one!” You say excited.

Children of the Revolution starts slowly.

And you see him tapping along on your thigh, as he's enamoured by the atmosphere that the bass and guitar create. His eyes locked on the amp.

“That…” He whispers as Marc Bolan’s voice fills the room. “Is awesome.” He finishes as he looks back at you.

“Yeah, kinda reminded me of you, y’know…” You whisper as you play with the paper tag of the bottle, sowly peeling it off. “They won’t fool you, children of the revolution…” you smile as you so slightly twist the lyrics to fit him, and he shyly smiles in return, his teeth showing. A soft giggle escaping his lips, his body relaxing more, touching yours now.

“You…” He doesn’t find the right words for everything he would like to say, so he resigns with letting his thumb stroke your thigh in a repetitive pattern.

It’s not only goosebumps, or warmth or electricity this time. But a sense that his hands belong in your body that fills you up.

No words needed, you are aware that you both feel the same way.

The Chain starts playing softly, and you see him smiling now.

“Well, that one reminds me of you…” He says, looking at your eyes, though his flicker to your lips for just a moment.

“They hated each other when they wrote it.” You replay, absentmindedly, whispering.

“Well, I could never hate you…” He whispers back. His hand stopping the repetitive stroking pattern, frozen in place, fear in his eyes that you could ever think that.

“Good…” You say, placing a lock of hair away from his face, touching it ever so slightly. “I wouldn’t-” He cuts you off.

“I know.” He finishes, as he guides your body to his chest. A warm embrace shared between the both of you, your heart beating louder and faster in anticipation to everything you wanna say and do to him, but you are trapped under his weight. Enjoying the way he holds you, just as nervous as you are, you feel he is. A private moment, an intimate one at that.

The tape clicks. Pulling you both away from the moment. Demanding a turn to its other side, so he breaks the hug, standing up as he readjusts his pants, your eyes following his hand and his movement. Staring at him, all of him.

Finally, your favorite song starts filling the room, and as Dazed And Confused starts, you see him smiling.

The suggestive bass line moves him to extend his hand to you, and you naturally accept it.

Robert Plant truly feels like he’s whispering in both of your ears, as you begin to slow dance.

“Dazed and confused for so long it's not true…Wanted a woman, never bargained for you”

You feel his hands traveling to your lower back, holding you closer than ever before, smiling as he does so. Yours lost in the back of his neck, playing with his curly wilde hair.

“Can I ask you something?” He whispers into your ear, his voice shaking as he does so.

“Yeah.”

“What do you do when you meet someone you like?”

“Tryin' to love you, baby, but you go on hurtin' so…Soul of a woman was created below”

“Well, I talk, and I drink, and I make them mixtapes and free music and hope they’ll eventually like me back…” You whisper to him, moving your head away from his chest so you can look at him in his eyes, a declaration. You bite your lower lip in nervousness. “What do you do?”

“I wanna love you baby, but you do me so bad…The worst little woman I once ever had, I've got to quit you baby”

“I uhm… I go to their workplace, hope they notice me, make them laugh and invite them to my gigs and…” He can’t bring himself to finish his words. He hadn’t been looking at your eyes, but was distracted, lost in your lips.

So when he dipped down to finally close the distance, you gladly let him, finally kissing him. Not in a rush or in desperation. But in total adoration and care.

Truly in love with one another.

You spent the rest of the tape kissing as you danced together, in no rush, both of you knowing this was just the beginning to a long story.

if you enjoyed (i I really hope you did), please reblog! i promise it makes a difference

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hwauroras · 8 months

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THROUGH THE INFINITE CANVASES OF YOU. (제3장)

pic sources in order left -> right: pinterest, pinterest, pinterest

wc ≈2.6k. unedited, mild cursing. painter!seonghwa x artstudent!reader (ft. musician!san, artstudent!wooyoung and artstudent!rockstar!hongjoong). written in two different perspectives - third person for seonghwa and second person for the reader. no massive genre yet - but this part expands more on wooyoung's journey as an artist. hongjoong jokes about wooyoung and the reader's friendship. hongjoong calls the reader "sweetheart" at the end. mentions of frozen yogurt - if you're lactose intolerant, it's dairy free.

“hyung hyung hyung, look at this!”

seonghwa tilted his head at the man on the couch, gently placing down the food he just ordered on the counter.

“what’s up?”

san quickly pointed to the article on his phone screen, his eyes wide with excitement. this album was by far his best, as well as his most famous.

when the release date for san’s album was approaching, anticipation and excitement flooded social media. the album had been kept relatively under wraps, with only the album cover and a few teaser images being released to the public.

while san wasn’t famous by any means - at least, not compared to most of his label mates, the curious and breathtaking nature of the album art caused a lot of intrigue and speculation. and when it was released, it seemed like san blew up overnight, peaking pretty high up in the music charts.

seonghwa peered at the article, his eyebrow raising slightly as his eyes scanned the words.

“oh, damn. seriously? aurora wrote a review?”

“yeah! and now they want to interview me. can you believe that? i’ve been reading that for ages. this is it, hyung. i’ve peaked.”

“oh really? you didn’t think you peaked when you reached a million streams? or when you gained an extra ten thousand followers, and then some? or when someone stopped us on the street for your autog—”

"hey, hey, that's not what i meant and you know it!” san interjected, his cheeks flushed a deep crimson. "i know those are all massive milestones i never thought were possible for me - but getting an interview with aurora is something else. you know i’ve bought basically every edition since their exclusive interview with kim hongjoong.”

seonghwa grinned, picking up a cushion and playfully hitting san with it.

“and you know i’m just messing with you. i know this is a big deal for you, and i couldn’t be prouder. you poured everything into this, i’ve seen the tears and coffee and red bull induced texts of borderline insanity. i’ve known you for ages san, you’re a true artist - it's incredible to see you finally getting the recognition you deserve."

“oh hyung, you’re being modest now. i couldn’t have done this without you. i mean, have you seen all the speculation around what the meaning of the cover could be? that’s why it went viral. are you sure you don’t want your name out there too? it’s your work after all.”

seonghwa fell silent.

on one hand, the exposure would be great for his business - which was stable, but he was still relatively unknown.

but on the other, how could he possibly betray his muse like that? he didn’t care if they were just a figment of his very deep imagination. to him, they were real. the emotions were real. profiting off of them just felt…wrong.

with a shaky breath, he managed to mutter out a gentle “i’m sure, san.”

san’s eyes softened as he watched the older male shift awkwardly. though a subtle gesture, san knew this was when seonghwa probably felt the most vulnerable.

"hey, it's alright, i understand. i wouldn't want you to compromise how you feel for anything, not even for me. they deserve to remain cherished and protected."

seonghwa’s shoulders visibly relaxed, causing san to smile warmly.

“thank you, san. i’m sorry. i know i must sound ridiculous.”

“don’t be like that. you’re not being ridiculous. i respect your decision and i want you to be comfortable. now - could you please pass me a smoothie? i think i need to cool down after all that excitement. i mean, my heart is still racing.”

seonghwa chuckled and retrieved the smoothies he ordered, handing one over to the younger. as san took a sip, he leaned back on the couch, his eyes fluttering closed as he let out a contented sigh.

“you know hyung, you've always been my first and biggest supporter. none of this would’ve happened if you weren’t there. and even if your name isn't in the spotlight, your influence and your art are all over my music. it’s you who helped me find my voice, both literally and metaphorically."

seonghwa playfully nudged san, who let out a small laugh at the action.

“oh san. i see you’re still practicing your humility for the interview.”

“hey,” san replied with a dramatic shrug, a glint of mischief in his eye. “no harm in getting ready, right? gotta give them something deep and profound.”

seonghwa shook his head, a fond smile on his lips.

“you’re a handful, you know that?”

“sure, but you love me anyway.”

“nah, your mom just dumped you in the sandbox i was in one day, and i’ve been stuck with you ever since.”

“oh yeah, the sandbox … that was one mean sandcastle, huh, hyung?”

“oh hell yeah, we were the real envy of the playground,” you couldn’t help but sarcastically remark as you peered at the picture in wooyoung’s hands.

wooyoung chuckled as he held up the old, slightly faded but intact photograph.

"you know it! that sandcastle was the talk of the playground for WEEKS."

the photo depicted a much younger version of the two of you - annoying little seven year old shits, as you had so eloquently worded it when wooyoung first presented the picture. you were both covered in sand and sporting proud expressions as you stood next to what was, admittedly, a creation very worthy of its praise - a giant mound of sand and some sticks. what really topped it off was the pretty pink shell you brought from home, after your moms took you both to the beach.

“you remember that shell, right?" wooyoung asked, a familiar twinkle in his eye.

you nodded, your own eyes glossing over with mischief.

“how could i forget, stupid? i was the one that found it, brought it to school and placed it ever so gently onto our masterpiece. i was a revolutionary. truly.”

"oh, for sure. and now you’re a top scoring art student. with such groundbreaking ideas like that, i’m not shocked.”

“well thank you, soon-to-be-industry-recognized photographer. seriously, what an amazing opportunity.”

you beamed at your best friend, your eyes and your heart filling with pride.

surprised by the sudden change of topic, wooyoung’s cheeks turned a bright shade of red.

“ah … thank you, y/n. i still can’t believe crescent wants me to be their photographer. i mean, i know it’s only for one edition, but … come on. this is choi san we’re talking about.”

“and i know you’ll do great. you were chosen for a reason, wooyoung. you don’t have any connections to the industry other than hongjoong, and you still got the job. that’s how you know that the reason is talent. pure, raw talent.”

"thanks, y/n. i’ll give it my all, just like that day in the sandbox."

you waved off his thanks with a flutter of your hand before reaching for his half-eaten frozen yogurt.

“that’s what friends are for, right? now, tell me more about this crescent gig, since you’ve been all vague about it lately. when’s the shoot? do you have any ideas for it yet? are you being paid like cha-ching or CHA-CHING? is it enough to buy froyo that’s better than this?”

wooyoung laughed at your rapid fire string of questions, shifting his position to face you more comfortably.

“let’s see … the shoot is in two weeks, yes i do, i’m being paid an undisclosed amount of money, and it may or may not be enough to buy froyo that’s better than that. but can i just say, i refuse to have you slander my choices. it’s the best flavor and you know it.”

“oh sweetie … i pity you for having such sad, tasteless tastebuds. but i can agree to disagree for the sake of my curiosity. what are your ideas?”

wooyoung took a moment to collect his thoughts before responding to your questions, stars shining in his eyes.

"well, for the shoot, i’ve been thinking of capturing san in his most candid moments. you know, those unguarded seconds when he’s lost in his music. the writing, the recording, the best, the melody. passion, emotion and vulnerability - i believe that's what makes his music so powerful. and luckily, with his look and aesthetic, i’m sure i could capture it in a way that exudes the sophistication and elegance crescent scouted me for.”

you listened intently as wooyoung described his vision. it was clear that he had put a lot of thought into it, and you couldn't help but be impressed by the confidence and passion that poured out of him as he spoke.

"that sounds incredible, woo," you replied, reaching out to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "i have no doubt that this will all turn out beautiful.”

“thanks, y/n-”

“i mean, san is such a fine man. he’d look good in any lighting, i bet. he probably doesn’t have bad taste in frozen yogurt either.”

wooyoung burst into laughter, your playful teasing and dismissal bringing back a familiar lightness to the conversation. he playfully nudged your shoulder, and you stuck your tongue out at him in response.

"you’re impossible, y/n. anyway, san’s very photogenic, so the shoot should be a breeze. and maybe, just maybe, i’ll consider trying a different flavor of frozen yogurt once we’re done - just so you can let it go.”

as you were about to respond to wooyoung’s comment (the audacity), a voice from behind you interrupted the conversation.

“alright, lovebirds? i thought i’d find you here.”

turning around in your chair, you observed the figure leaning against the doorframe.

hongjoong stared right back, the intensity of his heavily lined eyes almost piercing into your soul.

“no lovebirds here, hyung. just two best friends in a room.”

“oh yeah, sure,” hongjoong scoffed, his signature smirk creeping onto his face. “and let me guess, they might kiss?”

“no, we won’t.”

“boo, you’re no fun, wooyoung. alright, make way. i need to talk to you.”

the now bright red ponytailed man slinked over to the table, the chains on his flared pants making a jingling sound as he walked. he grabbed a chair and turned it around, plopping down onto it nonchalantly, using the back of the chair as an armrest for his distressed-sleeved arms.

“okay, that picture is so fucking cute, but- that’s besides the point. wooyoung. buddy. i’m gonna hit you with some bad news and then immediately replace it with good news. you ready?”

“lay it on me, hyung.”

“i spoke to the guys. and they’re not that interested in working with you to be honest. but you know who are? the hotshots over at lost island records.”

wooyoung’s eyes widened at hongjoong’s words, and a hand flew to your mouth. his curiosity piqued, your best friend leaned closer to the older man.

"lost island records? are you serious, hyung? how did you even manage to do that?”

“they have an email, dumbass. i just compiled some of the demos, and sent them in. they got back to me a couple of hours back, when i was working on a piece for the upcoming runway. i would’ve come earlier if i wasn’t being graded.”

“that’s … really huge. this is amazing, hyung! i’m at a loss for words, we’re going-”

“they only want you, wooyoung.”

wooyoung’s excitement shifted into a mix of confusion and surprise the moment the words left hongjoong’s lips. he blinked, processing the news, while you sat there, equally dumbfounded and trying to wrap your head around the very sudden and jarring turn of events.

lost island records, THE lost island records, a prestigious and famous music label known for its top-tier artists including choi san, was interested in art student jung wooyoung over up and coming artist kim hongjoong?

“w-wait, but … why only me, hyung? this doesn't make any sense. those are OUR demos. and YOU’RE the actual musician …”

“i don’t care for that label, to be honest. you’re a much better fit. so i just cut my parts out. they’re not our demos anymore, they’re yours.”

the classroom, which was empty except for the three of you and some easels, seemed to hang in suspense as hongjoong dropped this bombshell.

you watched the exchange, torn between excitement and concern for your best friend. hongjoong’s nonchalant, almost dismissive attitude toward the situation was baffling, and it took everything in you to not question him about it.

luckily, wooyoung finally found his voice again.

“hyung, i can’t do that. you did most of it, and i’m pretty clueless when it comes to music, compared to you. music is your life, i can't just leave you out of it.”

hongjoong offered a small smile, and lightly punched the younger on the arm.

“i’m almost offended you don’t seem to know that my dream isn't necessarily tied to a record label, wooyoung. it’s why i still do what i do and haven’t accepted any offers. trust me, i’ve had many. if i wanted that backing, i’d have it by now. i don’t care who hears it, i don’t care how many people hear it - as long as it resonates. i’m sure you’ll figure out how to-”

“i’m turning it down.”

wooyoung’s declaration hung heavy in the air and hongjoong, who had been so casual and nonchalant just mere moments ago, now stared at him with wide eyes - as if wooyoung were some kind of poltergeist.

"you’re turning it down?"

wooyoung nodded firmly, his expression determined and confident.

“yes. i’ve still got the photoshoot with crescent so it’s really no big deal. but if i’m making music, it’s with you. or with y/n, but like, that might not be the best idea unless i’m planning on making music that sounds like a dying whale.”

with your brain still buffering and in need of a full reset, you couldn’t think of a clever quip in time. so of course, you decided to settle for the only answer you were capable of mustering -

“fuck you.”

“aww, thank you! you’re an amazing friend too, y/n!”

the tension in the room seemed to completely evaporate as the banter between you returned, and hongjoong’s initial shock transformed back into his usual smirk as he leaned back in his chair, clearly very amused by the scene unfolding in front of him.

"wow, wooyoung," he added, "i am both shocked, and not at all. turning down an opportunity like this for the sake of loyalty. i knew you were the sappy one but i also thought you were supposed to be the rational one in this little friendship of ours.”

wooyoung, who was not the least bit bothered by the older’s jests, smiled warmly.

“oh don’t worry, i am. but, you know music is your passion, not mine. mine lies in photography, and i have an opportunity for that so not all is lost. i appreciate this, i really do, but i’d rather be true to myself, and create with the people who matter to me the most.”

hongjoong rolled his eyes dramatically, but there was an unmissable glint of respect and admiration in them.

“ugh, barf. you’re such a sentimental sap, wooyoung. it's kind of endearing. but … still gross.”

you couldn't help but laugh with them, relieved that the tension had all but disappeared. despite the unexpected turn of events, and despite how much you agreed with hongjoong, you were proud of your best friend for sticking to the morals you knew were very authentic and genuine.

shifting your focus to the pretty red haired man, you mirrored his expression and tapped his arm.

“hey, hongjoong. quick question.”

“go ahead, sweetheart.”

“what do you think of wooyoung’s frozen yogurt?”

“i swear y/n, if you don’t shut the damn hell up-”

TAGLIST: @hwalysm, @downbadreading, @joongs-moon

#kpop imagines #kpop fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez oneshots #ateez fluff oneshot #ateez fluff imagines #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #park seonghwa oneshot #park seonghwa imagines #park seonghwa fluff #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa x y/n #ateez series #ateez angst

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dustedmagazine · 11 months

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Listed: Tacoma Park

Carrboro, NC’s Tacoma Park is the duo of John Harrison (Jphono1, Lacy Jags, North Elementary) and Ben Felton (Pegasus, Blood Revenge, Jett Rink). They’ve been working together since 2016, releasing one full-length record in 2020 and the odd track here and there since on their Bandcamp. Using guitars (looped and not) and synthesizers in ways that sometimes bleed into one another, the duo’s work touches on everything from folk to ambient to motoric. Their self-titled double album came out this April; Dusted’s Ian Mathers describes it as “even more fresh and alive than their fine past work.” Here Ben Felton shares a list of sources where they’ve found inspiration and common ground.

Mountains — Mountains, Mountains, Mountains

youtube

Before I started using synthesizers, I turned to a lot of synth-based music for clues about what to do with my guitar. I love guitars but had become bored with my playing. I saw Mountains at Union Pool in Brooklyn having never heard of them before, and it was this magical moment where I thought, here’s the exact sound I’ve been searching for but didn’t know existed. Something special about the beginning of Tacoma Park was that it was partially born out of mutual urges for John and me to step out of our respective comfort zones. For me, it was about sharing my solo practice with someone else, and for John it was about leaning into a more improvisational approach. Naturally, we shared a lot of music with each other, and Mountains was the first thing I turned him onto. Mountains, Mountains, Mountains became an early reference point for us. The blending of guitars and synths, the composed-improv approach, and the revelatory decision to make our first record a series of tracks (dare I say songs?) as opposed to one long jam — it was all largely inspired by Mountains. More than any other band, I’d say, they provided crucial guidance in our early days for figuring out how to make music together.

John Fahey

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There are probably few things as obvious as the fact that John and I love Fahey. The way he plays an acoustic guitar hits me the same way synthesizers do. It’s hard to describe — something about repetition, drones, and following the way the wind blows. Fahey was a complicated man for sure. Not always a good one, from what I’ve heard. Made decisions scattered across the spectrum of the questionable. Like many others these days, I grapple with how to separate “the person from the artist,” if that’s even possible. I have clear lines that inform my choices about the art I support and engage with, but sometimes it’s foggy and harder for me to discern. To deny that Fahey is ingrained in the fabric of my creative and spiritual self would be disingenuous, and I feel like my John would agree. Whatever the case, the point is this: Tacoma Park is in some ways more a sonic manifestation of our friendship than a band. Practices involve sitting and talking for a long time, jamming, talking some more, jamming some more, and talking some more. The talk becomes the jam, the jam becomes the talk, the cycle is eternal. These ideas that Fahey — the problematic person and the composer of sounds from another Earth — stirs up are ingredients in the psychic fuel that drives us. For better or for worse, Fahey looms large.

Built To Spill — Perfect From Now On

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Soon after we officially named our band, I went to see one of John’s other bands, North Elementary. They’re a Chapel Hill institution, but it had been years since I’d seen them and never in this configuration. Afterwards, I told him what I thought (I loved it), including that some of their stuff was giving me Built to Spill vibes. “Now you’re speaking my language,” John said, indicating a type of connection we had yet to identify, but I subconsciously suspected was there. Perfect from Now On is a funny title because it’s about as close to perfect as any record I’ve heard. For example, those guitars. For another example, those GUITARS. John and I went to see them a couple years ago, and it was the first time they’d come through with their current lineup (Melanie Radford on bass and Theresa Esguerra on drums). The whole show was great but seeing those songs from Perfect reimagined with this stripped-down lineup resonated deeply with both of us. It’s really amazing to see a band make songs last without losing an ounce of relevance or wonder for as long as Doug Martsch and co. have, no doubt due to the reinterpretation of this out of sight rhythm section. It’s inspiring, and it’s hopeful.

Ta-Nehisi Coates — Between the World and Me

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Remember those pre-jam conversations I was talking about? This was an early topic. Certainly, there’s too much to say about this book here, but one thing I think about a lot is how it illustrates the perspective that a book is a document of where a writer was in their life when they wrote it, much like a record and a band. Coates got a lot of comparisons to Baldwin when this came out, and I think one reason for that might be their shared rejection of themselves as activists. Baldwin thought of his job as bearing witness, and I think Coates might too — bearing witness to the country, the times, and himself. To read this book, formatted as a letter to his son, after all his writing that came before it, is to see and understand how artists never stop. It’s a real act of generosity when someone publicly invites you to observe a small part of their life’s journey, and when it’s done as open-heartedly as it is in Between the World and Me, it’s a wonderful gift. I had an extra copy of the book and gave it to John in the early days of TP, and he read it over a weekend. It started with one conversation and led to many more. I know this book means a lot of things to a lot of people. To me it represents a definitive turning point in my emotional and intellectual growth, especially as a white person and an eighth-grade social studies teacher (my day job). It’s a very personal thing, and to have been able to share it with John was not insignificant. It became one of our resources for creating a shared vocabulary, exemplary, I think, of why we make the music we make together. Required reading imho.

Ami Dang — Parted Plains

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Generally speaking, I am easily gripped by music that blends the traditional or classical with the modern. And one cool thing about synthesizers is that they kind of just do that simultaneously — instruments modeled after techniques developed decades ago, if not actually built then, still sound as futuristically relevant as they did on, like, Dark Side of the Moon or whatever. Parted Plains does this beautifully and expertly. Dang’s sitar playing cuts through her constructed soundscape, grounding the listener towards something more organic without losing that magical blurring of lines. This record was definitely a shared point of reference for us after we recorded our first album and started moving towards the sounds and style that became the new one. And to see Dang do this live is really something. We had a gig booked a few years ago at a coffee shop in Chapel Hill called Driade that had this incredible outdoor space for bands to play when the weather was nice. But then one of those mid-October storms started threatening to come through and after a fair amount of soul searching, we called it off. It was also supposed to be an unofficial birthday thing for me, so I was a bit extra bummed. But Dang was playing at the Duke Coffeehouse, so we went out for Thai food with our wives and then took an Uber to Durham for the show. That was a good one.

Pig Roasting

The sentiment that one wants their bandmates to be people who, at the end of the day, they just like hanging out with is far from groundbreaking. But it’s not one to take for granted. John and I love to eat and we love to cook, sometimes together. One time, we were sitting around his fire pit and started talking about how we’ve always wanted to roast a whole hog. It seemed like such an impossibly daunting task, but as we talked through it, we realized we might be able to pull it off. We sought counsel from our friend Alex Livingstone (who plays bass in John’s other, other band, Jphono1), because he’s an expert brisket smoker, and while he had some thoughts, he was ultimately on the same page as us: he’d never done it and always wanted to. So we did some research, built a pit in John’s backyard, loaded Alex’s truck with 700 pounds of oak and hickory, and got to it. The first time was just the three of us, and we started at around 5:00pm, thinking it would take the better part of 24 hours, but then found ourselves pulling pork and making sandwiches in John’s kitchen at three in the morning. Once we got our timing and a few other things figured out, we invited friends and family to partake and made a night of it. We’ve done three altogether, and each time it’s been glorious. Roasting a pig involves a lot of sitting around, and we’ve found a fun way to pass by listening to as much of an artist's catalog as the hours will allow. Chris Forsyth, ZZ Top, and Ween have featured prominently, as has another band who’s name I won’t mention here (it rhymes with the title of the Smashing Pumpkins’ first record). I love cooking for many reasons, the two biggest being that it engages a very specific side of my creative self that I can’t seem to live without, and it brings people together, just like playing music.

Bitchin Bajas — Bajas Fresh and Bajascillators

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It’s a challenging thing to make music with roots in the experimental or fringe without it sounding too cliche and unoriginal, especially if that music is less out than it once was. To say Bitchin Bajas pull this off is a gross understatement. Bajas Fresh and Bajascillators are two records that John and I love and have looked towards for education on our approach to Tacoma Park. Where Mountains conjure up the soil of the Earth with acoustic guitars, Bajas do so with percussion and woodwinds among other things. This is the kind of stuff that John is especially drawn to. Something that elevates electronic music for him and makes certain bands stand out. A testament to his sophisticated, top-tier taste. One thing I love about Bajas is their blending of sequenced synths and real-time, human-played melodies, or at least that’s what I think they’re doing (see “World B. Free”). It creates some interesting sonic mind games, the blurring of lines between person and machine — super instructive to me as a synth player. Also, John and I found our way to this band around the same time, totally independently of each other. Some might call that a universal plan or a sign; others might say it was meant to be. Whatever it is, I like it.

Chris Schlarb — On Recording

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Chris Schlarb has prolifically produced some versatile and mesmerizing work as Psychic Temple, and he also owns and operates the Big Ego recording studio in CA. I’ve listened to an interview or two with him, and he has some great things to say about music, coming at it from varying angles informed by his vast and unique range of life experiences. John sent me On Recording, a kind of manifesto-guidebook hybrid, which you can buy as a hardcopy or audiobook, the latter of which I did. I listened to it over a few drives to and from work and grounded is a good word to describe the way I felt. It’s not a super technical perspective — though there’s definitely some of that — rather it’s a philosophy, an approach to recording that can be applied to any number of disciplines, music being just one of them. It’s about doing the thing, realizing you love something and finding a way to keep it going any way you can, whether that means driving a truck to make ends meet (as Schlarb did) or utilizing cheap (but wonderful) gear until you’re developmentally and financially ready to upgrade (also as Schlarb did). A certain kind of person will relate to this and not just a musician. Yes, I found it relevant to the double LP that John and I recorded at our respective home studios, but I also found it relevant to, say, the ongoing way I’m trying to find myself as a teacher, or a cook, or an expectant dad. On Recording gets at all of it without always saying so.

Claire Rousay — Sometimes I Feel Like I Have No Friends

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Claire Rousay makes some of the most honest, pure, and futuristic music I’ve ever heard, and it hits me like Elliot Smith or Joni Mitchell. It’s honest, heart-on-sleeve and breathtakingly innovative, yet rooted in tradition. It’s a wild thing to be able to pull off the heart wrenching brutality of a certain human condition alongside a niche, sharp sense of humor, and Rousay does so on a masterclass level. Her whole catalog — and she is prolific — is worth a deep dive, but Sometimes I Feel Like I Have No Friends is, to me, on the same level as, like, Marquee Moon or Aja. It’s a tour de force, something that doesn’t just come around, a journey and a classic record (even though it’s only one twenty-eight-minute track). Part sound collage, part drone, part field recording, part emo bedroom demo, part other things, or maybe none of those — perhaps it’s not for me to say — it’s all great. Of the two of us, I’m the bigger head, but it definitely informed the new record. Her music is the kind that makes me imagine how it was made. From interviews, I know that musique concrete techniques have a place in her life, as does free improvisation, and I speculate that a lot of the compositional work was done after playing, during the editing/mixing process. That’s very much how John and I have written and recorded over the last few years, and whether I’m right or wrong about Rousay’s approach, she was a guiding light towards ours. She’s the kind of artist who makes me feel like I know her. I hope she gets to hear our music one of these days.

Jeff Parker — Slight Freedom

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I saw Jeff Parker with Tortoise not so long after Millions Now Living Will Never Die came out, but it was many years later when I got into his solo stuff. John turned me onto Slight Freedom and my first impressions were colored in a good way by his profound love for the record. He spoke quietly about it, not saying too much, as if words could break it or change its faultless form. I think it’s Parker at his best, defying genres and obscuring the space between composition and improvisation, like an illusion. I think John was blown away by how he does so much and so little at the same time, loops placed on top of each other like pieces of a 3D puzzle, building rhythms and grooves so tasteful it seems impossible a human made them, while being the most human thing. This is how I interpreted John’s thoughts on it, expressed as minimally as the music itself. A feeling not a sentiment, vibes upon vibes. From there I went through the rest of Parker’s solo catalog, which became my soundtrack to those early pandemic days. But this is the one I come back to the most. It generously offers everything I could possibly want (and need) from a record — deep listening, perfect reading music and everything in between and to the sides. It’s just so great.

#dusted magazine #listed #tacoma park #ben felton #mountains #john fahey #built to spill #ta-nehisi coates #ami dang #pig roasting #bitchin bajas #chris schlarb #claire rousay #jeff parker

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thebandcampdiaries · 2 years

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Caprae Anthropomorpha Infernarum introducing a brand new psychedelic rock album: "High Bitch"

May 2022 - Caprae Anthropomorpha Infernarum is an artist with a focus on creating trippy and immersive psychedelic music that’s unlike anything else out there. Caprae Anthropomorpha Infernarum’s artistry is completely unique and outstanding. More importantly, the artist has a genuinely innovative approach to music, approaching psychedelic sounds with a daring Avant-garde flair that makes the music all the more engaging and influential.

In addition to the artistry and sheer quality of the music, it is really impressive to see that there are 33 songs on this release! By most standards, this is essentially a triple album, and it is quite amazing that the artist focused on providing such a full-length, wide-ranging listening experience, especially considering that we live in the day and age of fast singles and short attention spans.

This is not music for the sheep looking for another mindless catchy single: this is a fully immersive listening experience that’s designed to take the audience on a true musical journey. This lengthy studio release is a concept album at its core, and the songs are very abstract while also providing a thread that unifies the theme of each composition. The songs come across beautifully as stand-alone pieces, but this album deserves for the audience to truly take their time with it, listening to the whole record in one sitting in order to enjoy the full experience of the concept and the details of each composition. One of the goals of this concept album is to portray the feeling and sensations of being high, so much so that the listener could actually experience a contact high by osmosis and through the immersive quality of the listening experience!

If this wasn’t enough, the whole album is available on Bandcamp for only $10, basically the price of two cups of coffee! In addition to the music, Caprae Anthropomorpha Infernarum also offers some unique merchandise, including some beautiful art prints.

"High Bitch" (and more of Caprae Anthropomorpha Infernarum’s music) is highly recommended to fans of artists such as A Shamisen Orchestra, Flying Lotus, and The Flaming Lips, only to mention a few.

Find out more about Caprae Anthropomorpha Infernarum, and don’t miss out on "High Bitch", which is currently available online:

https://linktr.ee/lucyfermusic

https://theinfernalcaprinedemon-lucyfer.bandcamp.com

We also had the chance to ask the artist a few question: keep reading to learn more:

I love how you manage to render your tracks so personal and organic. Does the melody come first, or do you focus on the beat the most?

Answer: I mainly focus on the melody more than anything. Mostly by improvising or writing down sheet music when I get the urge, then recording multiple takes, keeping the most interesting ones, and then fine tuning from there. Though, if I do come up with a really good idea for a drum beat, I will put down the drum beat first, and then work backwards with the other instruments: it’s just usually easier for me to do the other way around. As for the “organic” side of things, that’s mostly because I tend to use a lot of syncopation and 1/64 quantization, so it lends a lot more of a “plated imperfectly” feel to it, I usually like the way it sounds, and I feel it adds a lot of character to an otherwise boring beat. Velocity adjustments also play a huge part in creating this feeling as well.

Do you perform live? If so, do you feel more comfortable on a stage or within the walls of the recording studio?

Answer: I have performed live quite a few times. Not as my artist persona, but in my personal life. I feel comfortable performing; the issue is, it’s only when I’m with someone else to watch my back, make sure my stuff doesn’t get stolen, or someone doesn’t jump up on stage and tear off my mask, or something like that. I will say, I’m more comfortable overall in the studio when it comes to making and producing music for albums, because I don’t have many collaborators, so doing live stuff is near impossible because I obviously can’t play 4 instruments + drums at the same time. To summarize, no specific objections to it, given I’m well prepared enough and have the means to do so.

If you could only pick one song to make a “first impression” on a new listener, which song would you pick and why?

Answer: it would either be Acid or Break Room. Both of them do a really great job of introducing my music style and are some of my best songs overall, at least on a production level. Not to mention that both are more “palatable” than my usual avant-garde pieces, because Acid is psychedelic/EDM/Ambience, while Break Room is Avant-Garde Jazz. Easily when I’m showing my friends my music, those are one of the first to play, because I feel it’s a good starting point.

What does it take to be “innovative” in music?

Answer: It takes knowledge of not only how to compose and produce something interesting, but it also takes pushing yourself and using instruments and filter combos rarely used, and using dynamic time signatures and instruments in rather unconventional ways, while still trying to keep it coherent and enjoyable. Because while it’s easy to break the rules, it’s another thing entirely to break the rules AND have a good song at the end of the day. If I had to quantify one attribute though, I’d say it’s insanity. The best creatives are always a bit insane.

Any upcoming release or tour your way?

Answer: Aside from a collab mini-album I’m just about near finishing, I have planned a sequel for The Veil Between Nightmare and Reality, an avant-garde jazz album, and a synth-vocal avant-pop album with more traditional songs and lyrics, but still carrying my signature and obscure flair. Definitely look forward to it. It might be a little while before release, but I can assure you there are also numerous singles on the way as well, and a possible live action series featuring yours truly. As far as touring, while it’s not in my budget (yet), I plan to do my first tour through Lake Charles and Cedar point, to get a change of pace and to have a more reserved & cost-effective venue. I will be touring mostly solo, with one of my friends and vocalist and another as bodyguard, but otherwise, it’ll be me when the time comes. Stay tuned for future updates, I post plenty.

Anywhere online where curious fans can listen to your music and find out more about you?

Answer: right here! https://t.co/REViIyZjc2. That link will lead to my LinkTree, which contains my production art, rate your music artist page, Twitter, youtube, and best of all, my discography. I post regularly on Twitter, and sometimes on Parler for stuff I’m worried will get removed from Twitter, or to throw a bone to that side of the internet. I try to put my new singles on RYM as soon as possible - the community is pretty good on keeping up to date though, so I usually don’t have to -, and I regularly lurk on the site to read reviews on my stuff and see how I can improv. I also sometimes post original writings and HQ versions of my album covers on DeviantArt, so that people can buy prints and premium downloads and directly support me, and get official lyrics and alternate scrapped art and scrapped lyrics, stuff that would normally never be seen otherwise. To emphasize, my bandcamp page is here https://theinfernalcaprinedemon-lucyfer.bandcamp.com/, and that is the main way you can support me or purchase/listen to my music. Even if you don’t have much time to listen, sharing it with friends/image boards/etc always helps. Remember, being a musician is my job, and my main source of income, so every cent and every view counts! Anyway, hope to see you there, readers. Have a great day.

#indie #experimental #progressive #stoner #full album #new music #psychedelic rock #electronic #psychedelic music #trippy #stoner rock #high #woah #woah tunes #psychrock #avantgarde #alternative #psych

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bts-weverse-trans · 3 years

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201128 Weverse Magazine ‘BE’ Comeback Interview - Namjoon

RM: “I spend a lot of time thinking about where I am now” BTS BE comeback interview 2020.11.28

The story of BTS’ new album BE started on April 17, 2020 when group member RM announced its production on the BANGTANTV YouTube channel. In the seven months that followed until the album’s release, RM’s mind was full, his thoughts flowing in and out of his head.

How do you feel about the unique approach you took to making your new album, BE? RM: The other members were a ton of help to me. My lyrics made it on the album, but the music I composed didn’t, so I’m really thankful to the group for the music. How should I say this? I feel like everyone is doing a great job. There are so many parts in these songs that I’m indebted to them for. “Stay” was originally going to be the title song on Jung Kook’s mixtape, but everyone liked it so much, and they all agreed to put that on our album. That’s how much influence they had. I’m really happy my room idea was chosen to be the album photos. Since we’re spending a lot of time in our rooms because of COVID-19, we laid out the idea of each of us decorating a room in our own style. I can’t remember for sure (laughs) but I think I’m the one who came up with that. I made a comfortable room, one that’s modern and warm because that’s what I like.

There’s a painting in the middle, and symmetrically arranged figurines. RM: The figures are from my own collection. I wanted to show one of my paintings, but that didn’t pan out. But still, those are the things I hold most dear to me right now, so I let the room embody the things I wish I had, too.

It’s well known that you like art and frequent exhibitions, but how do you feel when you look at art in your home or another space where there are no people, like in the album art? RM: Someone said, “You don’t have to buy this painting; it’s yours so long as you’re looking at it.” That’s my favorite sound bite these days. What I most envied about painters was that, even after they died, their work would be hanging up somewhere, maybe even in another country, still defining that space. Musicians leave behind their songs and videos, too, but it’s only through fine art that viewers in the future are able to completely meet artists from the past. I’m envious that this is only possible for painters. These days I’m trying to find spaces where I can have more relaxed viewing experiences.

There’s a full experience involved, from the time you get ready to leave your house until the time you’re actually looking at artwork in the gallery. RM: That’s perfect to me. There’s art you can keep at home, and then there’s art that should always be viewed in museums.

What effect do you think that type of experience has on your music? You didn’t compose any of the songs but instead participated in writing the lyrics to all of the tracks. Did that experience affect your lyric writing in any way? RM: I think it’s helped me develop a way of thinking using all the senses. I used to be attuned to speech and focus on language and auditory textures, but now I can look at my thoughts from many different angles. That’s why I spend more time studying art now. I’m waiting for the day that it all comes to the surface, like when you paint the base on a canvas over and over so the colors pop. It’s hard to answer in one word if it has a direct influence on my work, but I think people who create music develop a way of seeing the world through their personal experience and their creative process. Painters naturally exhibit their art over a very long period of time. I think it gave me an eye for looking at the world in one long, continuous stroke. So now it’s become a little challenging for me to write lyrics these days. I’ve become more cautious.

Why is it so challenging? RM: I used to have so many ideas pouring out that it was hard to pluck one out. So I would stack them up like a Jenga tower and ponder over which one to remove. But now, it’s hard to even add a block to the stack. I’m not sure why but, when I look at these artists whose works span their entire lives, I sense that the rhythm of my creativity is slowing down more and more. That’s the source of my dilemma. I’m only 27 years old. I still need to wander around and get tripped up a little. But am I just trying to imitate what the fine artists are doing? Or maybe BTS experienced so much in the past seven years, that now it’s time for us to take a breather? I’ve got so many questions, I feel like my hair’s turning white. That’s why none of my songs are on the album. I wrote some, but they were too personal to use there. I don’t exactly like myself like this, but I have to see through to the end in this direction and find the answer.

Maybe for that reason, your rapping has shifted focus to the lyrics more so than trend or musicality. It emphasizes the feeling of the words over a particular format or beat. RM: Exactly. In—was it 2017? Pdogg was talking to Yoongi, Hobi and me about our style, and said, “Namjoon, it feels like you’re becoming a lyricist,” and it really stuck with me. I have a lot of thoughts lately when I watch Show Me the Money or listen to hip hop songs from the Billboard chart. My music started out all about my life as a rapper, so I spend a lot of time thinking about where I am now.

So you’ve started to ask yourself who you are as a musician? RM: I listened to Lee So-ra’s seventh album again today. I keep changing my mind but, if I had to pick between her sixth and seventh album, I like her seventh a little more. And then I listen to the most popular songs on Billboard, and I feel kind of thrown off. Um … There’s something Whanki Kim said that’s been running around in my head lately: After moving to New York, he embraced the style of artists like Mark Rothko and Adolf Gottlieb, but then he said, “I’m Korean, and I can’t do anything not Korean. I can’t do anything apart from this, because I am an outsider.” And I keep thinking that way, too. That’s my main concern lately.

You can feel that on BE. As the members take on more prominent roles as songwriters and producers, characteristics of old Korean music—the kind of music you likely listened to in middle and high school—gradually entered your sound. But your music isn’t from that era, and it sounds like pop, but not quite. RM: The sound has to fit with the whole album so I couldn’t incorporate that feel into BTS songs, but the songs I’m listening to most lately have been Korean. Songs like P-Type’s “Don Quixote,” Dead’P’s “Spread My Wings,” Soul Company’s album The Bangerz. The impressions the songs from back then have left on me, the lyrics from back then and the lyrics from now, they’re different. So BE is both Korean and pop; it’s very unique, in my view.

I think that’s especially true for “Life Goes On.” It’s got a pop melody, but compared to “Dynamite,” it has a very different feel. It doesn’t slip deep into the sentimental, instead allowing the melody to flow naturally. RM: Exactly. The chorus is totally pop, and one of the writers was also American. But the song doesn’t really follow American music trends, weirdly. So I don’t know how “Life Goes On” is going to be received. It’s really calm, almost contemplative. So there’s lyrics, like, “Like an echo in the forest,” and, “Like an arrow in the blue sky.” The song kind of feels like that: It could just float off and disappear. It might even come off as bland next to “Dynamite.”

If nothing else, it seems the song will stick around for a long time. Maybe kids now will listen to it later on in the future. RM: I hope so. That’s the one thing I really hope for, people in the future, thinking back and saying, “Oh, right! Remember that one song?” That’s what my favorite artists and other people who leave a lasting impression on me have in common. One thing common among the songs that have affected me a lot, like Lee So-ra’s seventh album, is that the lyrics they utter in their voice along with the overall sound stick with me. I hope when people look back, my words uttered with the sound of my voice, echoes for a long time in an auditory or visual way, or even throughout their entire lives. But that’s the dilemma: We have all these bling-bling symbols of our success, but we’re not that kind of team.

And yet, BTS’s career path is even more “bling-bling” than ever. “Dynamite” was the top song on the Billboard Hot 100. RM: I was the first one to check our position (laughs) but I didn’t want to get too excited about it. I was scared of facing disappointment so I put the brakes on out of habit, and restrained myself. But on the other hand, I feel like I should relish this moment. This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing; shouldn’t I enjoy myself a bit? But I disliked that sensation of only feeling elated so I tried to be as objective as possible. I was just one small part of everything that made this happen.

It reminds me of that part, “Running faster than that cloud of rain / Thought that would be enough / Guess I’m only human after all,” from “Life Goes On.” RM: “Only human” sounds so appropriate for me right now. One time, I saw a dark cloud over the N Seoul Tower while I was walking along the Han River. I was with a friend and we talked about where the border between where it’s raining and where it’s not might be, and suddenly, we came up with the idea to run and find that spot. But after running for 10 minutes, the cloud was even further away than it had been. At that moment, the puzzle pieces snapped into place. You think you can go faster than that dark cloud? No. That’s what I realized then. And I just like what Whanki Kim said, that maybe I can’t do anything not Korean, because that’s what I am. I used to work late and then stay up all night when things weren’t working out, sometimes walking from Samseong to Sinsa station, thinking everything through. But now, like the saying, I realize that maybe I can’t do more than what I am.

On Weverse, you said that you gained some muscle from working out. Could the change to your body improve your creativity in the long term? RM: I started to think I better change myself a little, physically or mentally. I’m talking about being steady. I used to bombard myself with challenges and worries and just get over them, but now I think it’s time to find that one sturdy thing and plant myself there. The best choice was working out, and I think it’s changing my behavior a lot. I’m hoping that, if I keep working out for a year or two, I’ll become a different person.

Music is your job, but also your life. Like you expressed in “Dis-ease,” how would you say you feel about your work? RM: This is my job and my calling and I feel a great sense of responsibility. I think I’m lucky and happy that I can solely worry about my creative process. And I feel very responsible to those people who put their trust in me, so I try not to cross any lines, judge myself honestly, and always be professional. Those are the responsibilities that come with the job—the things I have to do and the promises I won’t betray. But if I’m going to do it, I’m going to be happy while I do it. That’s not always going to be possible, but that’s generally how I feel.

Well then, how do you feel about BTS at the moment? RM: BTS is … Well, it’s really hard to tell. (laughs) When BTS started out, I thought, “I know everything there is to know about BTS,” but now it’s, “I don’t know a single thing about BTS.” In the past, I felt like I knew everything, and that anything was possible. Call it childish or ambitious. But if I were to ask myself, “What is BTS to me?” I would say, we’re just people who met each other because we were meant to. But it feels like the stars aligned and a startup company became a unicorn, with perfect timing and lots of smart people. Looking back, there were a lot of ironies and contradictions in this industry. I thought I figured them out one by one, and then finally understood the whole thing. But now I feel like I don’t know anything at all. Anyway, to sum up: My young, reckless twenties. The events of my twenties. There were a lot of contradictions, people, fame, and conflict all tangled together, but it was my choice and I got a lot out of it, so my twenties were an intense but also happy time.

And what about you, as one individual person? RM: I’m a real Korean person. (laughs) A person who wants to do something in Korea. I think millennials are charging into society stuck between the analog and digital generations, and what I chose is BTS. So I try to integrate myself into our generation, try to understand what people like me are thinking, and try to work hard to capture that feeling without being a burden on them. This might be another kind of irony itself, but this is who I am. I’m a 27-year-old Korean. That’s what I think.

Trans © Weverse

#bangtan #namjoon #weverse #weverse magazine #comeback interview #be album #201128 #2020

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euronymous-files · 3 years

Photo

translated from Norwegian

"He came into my life at a time when I had just started listening to extreme and loud music. I sat at home in Råde and listened to local radio from Oslo. [...]

Frode Øien had a program where he invited the then unknown band Mayhem to visit because they had recorded a new demo tape. They were just incredibly mysterious and used pseudonyms and stuff, and I mean remember they took over the whole radio broadcast. To me, it sounded like Frode was set aside as host and the band took over for a couple of hours. It was absolutely magical. They played their own music, but not least they played lots of other things that were completely unknown, Hellhammer, Bathory, lots of early black metal and other extreme things. They obviously had great insight into what was going on and were by definition the only Norwegian band that existed in all these genres at once. They were the starting point for everything you could call extreme metal. It all starts with Mayhem."

Anders tells of how he became "insanely fascinated". [...] “The following week, a guy who was a competition winner appeared and said he was the brother of someone in the band. His name was Aarseth, and that led to me simply browsing the telephone directory, and I found only one Aarseth family in Ski. I took the chance and called and hit right on Øystein. That conversation must have lasted an hour or two. He met someone who was open to the same things as him, and then he was like a wandering library and very enthusiastic. His fervent commitment was something you felt right away, something he literally lived for. He gave my whole musical approach a kind of passion I had never experienced before.” To the young Anders, four years older Øystein Aarseth appeared as a kind of natural messenger of all the new things that were about to happen, and he swallowed everything he was told. He took in all the tips Øystein shared and received a lot of music that engulfed him, first from Øystein, then also from other bands.

"In the 80's it was not so common to have contact with people in other countries. If it were not unknown, getting to know people abroad was much more difficult than it is today. The only method was letter writing, and this whole underground scene was very much based on that. We wrote to each other and attached leaflets and fanzines and other things. You picked up the things you had on tape and changed the recording. Øystein introduced all this to me. I also went to practice with Mayhem. Back then I was 13 and a half years old, and got a first-hand impression of how the music sounded in your face in the rehearsal room. It made me completely obsessed that I should also start such a band. I had finally found my thing. This was very early in the development of black metal. We who came in right away make up a small but significant group of people. Among those I became acquainted with at that time are or were virtually all members of the most famous and prominent bands. Øystein had an incredibly central role as a source of inspiration and door opener for how to engage with music on the side of the industry, to be independent, in your own world."

Were there other aspects of him than the purely musical that inspired you? The energy, the courage, the talent? "What I took to myself very early was to sacrifice everything for this here. If you wanted to get somewhere with the music, you had to choose it over all other possible leisure activities and side tracks you could end up on, to only care about this music and abandon absolutely everything else. This was something he introduced as an opportunity. Many people did sports and had boyfriend projects and all sorts of things, social things that take a lot of time and resources, but here it was an alternative race to unfold in which I really took to. I had lived in a block and terraced house environment until I was ten years old and moved to a farm. I went from a life where people rang the doorbell all the time to being socially isolated. Now I got a platform that made it possible to break out."

Were you and Øystein friends or is there another way to describe their relationship? "I was a fanboy in the beginning. He got really mad when I copied everything he did. Then he was clear that this is not the way to do it. He was very careful about it. I was very young, and I was looking for band members myself in Fredrikstad and Østfold. When I started Cadaver, there was more mutual respect and a more collegial friendship. Things slipped a bit for him in '92 -'93. In the summer of '93, a few months before he died, he was very much looking for old friends. It was clear that he had been going through a period with a lot of focus on other things, but now he was looking up old friends to play the new Mayhem things that he had been working on for so long. I was with him several times during this time and felt that we had a friendship that was more mature. I had my band, had released an album and been on tour, and now Øystein was finally facing a breakthrough with the album he had talked about releasing for six or seven years. That he was killed became even more sad because of it. He knew he had made something very significant and very good, but never saw it come out."

[...]

"I was in a way close to the events", Anders says. "I also knew Pelle and was several times in the house where they lived in Kråkstad. When such things happen, you are shocked and think about what you could have done differently. But that Øystein did as he did was probably most related to his penchant for myth-making and image-building. He took it too far of course, but his way of thinking about things was that everything could be used for what it is worth in a PR context. I think it would have been perfectly fine if not everything that happened, it would not have made any difference. I remember hearing about him doing it, but not thinking much about it. He probably had an idea that this was so extreme that he had to do something about it. That might say something about how he liked to see things from above. He did not consider himself a direct part of it and did not see that there was anything wrong with it. I think he saw it in a kind of bird's eye view, but it's very difficult to say."

Where do you think Øystein would have been today if he had not been killed? "It's an exciting thing. We who knew him wonder if he had not grown tired of having to move closer to the regular music industry. In a way, he was a bit about to do it himself with his label, and also realized he could not run distribution on his own. I was part of his distribution. It worked so that he sent ten copies of a record to everyone he knew and trusted. All sold nine and sent money to him, and were allowed to keep one themselves. Those records are probably worth 10,000 kroner today. He signed several bands at the end, and the same day he died, Enslaved signed a contract with him. He had other things going on too, so I'm not sure where he ended up." "However, there was a lot going on around him that could have had an unfortunate effect", Anders believes. If he had not been killed by Varg Vikernes, or "The Count", it would probably have been rolled up that he was nearby when Holmenkollen chapel burned. "I do not know if he had been able to sit in jail. He was probably tougher in words than in reality. But what is mainly wrong with the myth of black metal and Øystein was that he created something with knowledge and will to succeed, as it was afterwards. It was rather the opposite. His ideas were to have this as a non-commercial business. You should deserve to hear this music. Being a listener in itself required a number of criteria. If it was up to him, as he told it, the whole scene would be a kind of lodge, and if you were first inside you would hear what others did not hear. But it was going to go away anyway, because it got too big." "Then he did not experience the internet, but it would have been something for him. Because he had so many extreme political ideas, the internet as it has been very much appealed to him. For example, he would be amazed at how widespread conspiracy theories have become. He was interested in extreme political directions, in Pol Pot and communism. I think he too had ended up in a more experimental musical direction. He was an extremist in everything he did and did it full on, and he probably still wanted to hunt for more and more extreme expressions."

[...] What is the best thing Øystein did? " "Freezing Moon". What I find very musically exciting is that it contains so few notes. The atonal and asymmetrical in the arrangement gives an introduction to something completely different than rock. It's the atmospheric, and the movements as we call it, and the riffs that are there. Øystein was concerned with throwing everything away and starting all over again, and it was such a song. It will always be a pillar in the Mayhem catalog and in the development of black metal."

read the full interview (in Norwegian) here

#euronymous #oystein aarseth #mayhem #black metal #files #archive #interview #anders odden #cadaver #satyricon

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k-llama-llama · 4 years

Text

The Break

Stray Kids AU: 9th member

Tori x Stray Kids

Tori tells the boys about her plans.

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“Can I talk to you guys?” Tori asked, coming out of the bedroom.

The boys were all sat on the floor, gathered around the noodles they’d ordered, and they looked up when she entered.

“Sure, what’s up?” Changbin said.

“Is something wrong?” Chan wiped his mouth, looking up in mild concern.

“Everything’s fine.” She reassured him. “I just...need to talk to you guys.”

She’d been trying to figure out the best way to approach the subject, but ultimately realized that there was nothing to be gained from beating around the bush. They needed to focus on their upcoming comeback, and they needed to know that she could be focused on it, no matter what was going on with her solo song.

Felix raised his eyebrows, and she nodded in confirmation.

“So.”She clapped her hands together. “I wrote a song.”

Jisung snorted. “We don’t care, eat.”

Chan slapped his arm. “Of course we care. We should all listen to it tomorrow, and maybe it could be a contender for our next album.”

“Why is her song automatically a contender?” Seungmin asked. “It could be terrible.”

“It probably is.” Jisung nodded.

“We should at least listen to it before we-”

“How about we let Tori finish talking?” Felix cut Hyunjin off, pointing back to where Tori was still waiting.

“Thank you.” Tori smiled at him. “Actually, I wrote the song for me.”

“Just for fun then?” Jeongin tilted his head.

“Oh, or you could do it for a dance cover!” Minho exclaimed. “It would be so cool if that was to a song you had written.”

Tori sighed. “How about we all just stop guessing until after I’m done?”

“Right, sorry.” Hyunjin took another bite of his noodles. “Go on.”

“And talk fast, I want to eat.” Jisung asked.

Tori sighed. “Well, I wrote a song for myself. And I showed it to JYP and he-”

“Why would you show it to JYP? We could just look-” Chan shrunk back from her glare. “Right, go on. I’m listening.”

“I showed it to JYP, and to Rain actually but that’s-”

“You met Rain?”

“Yeah, and he liked it, and he said I should release it.”

“Release it?”

“Yeah. On my own.”

She could see the wheels turning in their heads as they all processed it.

Minho got there first. “Like...a solo debut?”

“Exactly like a solo debut.” Tori nodded.

“But you’d....why would you...” Jeongin fumbled for words. “You’d leave Stray Kids?”

“You’re not allowed to leave!” Jisung exclaimed. “I literally just started to like you.”

Chan stood up quickly, his face pale.

“I’m not leaving.” Tori said quickly. “JYP suggested that but I didn’t want to.”

Chan breathed a sigh of relief. “So what are you doing then? We have a comeback coming up.”

Tori couldn’t help but notice that his voice seemed tense. If she had already told him that she wasn’t going to leave, why would he sound worried about it.

“I wouldn’t start until after our comeback.” Tori told them. “I have a meeting in a few days to go over my ideas for the music video and the choreography, and JYP was going to offer up some b-sides that didn’t make Twice albums for me to add.

“A solo mini album?” Felix exclaimed. She hadn’t told him that bit. “That’s awesome.”

“It is, Tor.” Hyunjin grinned. “I bet it’s going to be amazing.”

“And you’re choreographing it?” Minho asked. “Because I absolutely insist on getting a sneak peek.”

“Yes, a mini album. And yes, I’m choreographing it. I also have like a whole notebook full of concept sketches that I’m going to pitch to them. I’ve been saving up ideas for a while.”

“If you’ve been saving up ideas, why haven’t we heard about them?” Chan asked.

Tori tensed slightly. “I mean....they wouldn’t really fit Stray Kids, so I was just...”

“Saving them for yourself?”

“Yeah, saving one thing for myself. I choreography tons of stuff for Stray Kids, it’s not like I don’t do anything.”

“I know....but why...” Chan swallowed. “Can we talk?”

“Aren’t you talking right now?” Jeongin said, looking worriedly between them.

“Yeah, come on. This is good news, we don’t need to think about the-”

“Sure, let’s talk right now.” Tori crossed her arms. “Come on.”

She turned and marched into the bedroom.

Chan was right behind her, closing the door quietly as he turned to face her.

“It’s not that I’m not happy for you-” He began. “I just....”

“You’re just what? Because it sounded an awful lot like you weren’t happy for me.” Tori sat down on her bed, waiting for his answer.

“I just don’t see why you had to do this right now.” Chan told her. He was keeping his distance, as if afraid that she might bite him if he got too close. “We’re about to have a comeback, you literally just finished promoting with your other group-”

“My other group? It was a special, promotional group, that you told me I could do!”

“I know! And it was fine and it was really good. But why am I just finding out that you and JYP are prepping a solo album, and that it is slated to start going right as we’re getting back into our group activities.”

“I told you it wasn’t going to interfere. Do you not want me to do this?”

“That isn’t the point, I’m just-”

“No, it is the point.” Tori clenched her fist. “Right now, tell me honestly if you want me to do this project.”

Chan opened his mouth, and then closed it again. And then he swallowed and finally mustered the energy to speak. “Fine. No, I don’t want you to do it.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’ve been focused on your own stuff since the Wow Thing promotion last year, and I just think you’ve been....not as involved with the group as you should be.”

Tori felt her heart drop, but more than anything, she found herself getting angry. “How have I not been involved. I choreographed our last two comebacks, I haven’t missed or been late to a practice, I rerecorded like half of our songs to cover new parts. How is that not being involved?”

“You’re just....your attention is elsewhere.”

“I can’t keep having this conversation with you.” Tori shook her head.

“What do you mean?” He demanded.

“I mean....this is the second time you’ve given me permission to do something, and then afterwards you tell me you have a problem with it. And now I have a chance to work on something that I’m really really excited about, and you don’t want me to.”

“You’re still....you’re still learning Tor, you’re still growing with our group. I just think you should work on your skills here first and then, when we’re more senior-”

“I’m still learning? Do I need to remind me that you yelled at me once for trying to write a song.”

“I apologized. You had a song on our next album!”

“Yeah, and I haven’t had one since. And everything I’ve tried to work on, I’ve had to go to Jisung or Changbin for help.”

“That’s because you aren’t working on group songs, and I-”

“I have been learning! I have been practicing, and I’ve been getting better.”

“I just....” Chan pushed his hair back as he searched fro the right words. “I just, no I’m not going to-”

“You better say whatever it is you were about to say.” Tori snapped.

“You’re a dancer. Can’t you just stay a dancer and leave the writing and stuff to the rest of us?” He regretted the words the second they were out of his mouth.

Tori’s mouth dropped open as she recoiled. “How dare you?”

“Tor, what I meant was-”

“No, I’m done having this conversation in private.” She stood quickly, storming past him. She flung open the door to the living room, starting all of the boys who were still waiting.

“Noona, are you okay?”

“Just great, Jeongin.” She crossed her arms, glaring back at Chan as he stepped out of the bedroom. “Chan, why don’t you tell them what you just told me.”

“You’re not being fair.” He protested. “I’m the leader and I have a right to-”

“No, then I will.” She turned back to the others. “Chan just decided to let me know that all of you would probably prefer it if I stopped attempting to write music and just stayed as a dancer.”

“What?” Hyunjin’s eyes widened. “We don’t think that.”

Chan sighed. “I just think that your writing is kind of pulling you away from the group. And since the music you write isn’t necessarily our standard I think that-”

“Our standard?” Tori shouted. “I’m sorry I don’t meet your standards you-”

“Tor, no.” Felix pulled her into a hug, trying to force her to calm down. “It’s not worth it.”

“Um Hyung,” Jisung set his noodles down. “I don’t know how much of Tori’s music you’ve listened to but it’s really good. I don’t know what this standard is, but it might not be Stray Kids style, but it’s good.”

“She’s going to go solo.” Chan repeated.

“She’s going to release a solo album.” Felix said, still rubbing Tori’s back to try and calm her. “JYP offered to let her go fully solo and she wanted to stay with the group.”

“You knew?” Chan glared at him.

“Yeah, he knew.” Tori pulled back, wrapping her arms around himself. “Because I was so excited I had to tell someone. And I was really excited to tell all of you, too.”

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea.” Chan repeated.

“I don’t want to...” Hyunjin looked at the table as he spoke. “I don’t want to get in the middle of things. But Chan, you’re being kind of weird about this. Is there something going on that we don’t know about? Are you guys, back together?”

Chan’s eyes widened, and he glanced at Tori, as if wondering how she was going to cover for them.

She shook her head. “We were. Not anymore.”

“What? Tori, you can’t be-” Chan reached for her. “You can’t be serious. Just because I’m trying to be a leader and-”

“No, because you clearly are so insecure about me leaving this group that you’d let me just throw away an amazing chance!” Tori shouted. “One that I’m really excited about. And that I’m going to do, with or without your permission.”

“You don’t need my permission, you just need-”

“I don’t need your permission, and I don’t need your opinion.” Tori cut him off. “Because I am releasing the solo album.”

“Are you so mad at me that you’re trying to get back at all of us?”

“All of us were excited for her.” Changbin said.

“If Tori says she’s not leaving, she’s not leaving.” Seungmin added. “She can still release side music too.”

Tori stared at Chan.

Somewhere deep down, she’d realized that he wouldn’t be okay with this, but it still hurt. It hurt that he didn’t trust her and it hurt that he didn’t think she was capable of it. But she didn’t know a way to make him understand, and she wasn’t sure she was going to put in the effort, anyways.

“Felix,”She said quietly. “Can I show you some of my concept ideas?”

“Sure.” He rubbed her shoulder.

“Can I see too?” Jeongin asked.

“Sure.” Tori turned, heading into Felix’s bedroom.

Felix disappeared to go grab Tori’s laptop, and Jeongin collected a couple of containers of noodles before following Tori away.

“What the hell just happened?” Chan breathed as the door shut behind them.

“She dumped you because you’re being a jerk.” Changbin held out a pair of chopsticks. “You can only eat if you promise that you two will never date again.”

“Seriously,” Jisung nodded. “It’s such a headache.”

Chan sat down, trying to think of his next words. “You really think her album will be good?”

“I know it will.” Jisung confirmed. “I’ve heard some of the stuff she writes for fun, and it’s great.”

“But she’s-”

“Unless you’re going to go apologize, just eat.” Hyunjin told him.

In the bedroom, Tori had her laptop open, letting Felix and Jeongin flip through the pictures she’d compiled to be inspiration.

“It looks so good, Noona.” Jeongin told her. “I’m sure Chan will come around.”

“I think the problem right now,” She sighed. “Is that I don’t care if he does.”

#stray kids #stray kids au #stray kids imagines #stray kids reactions #stray kids 9th member #female kpop #female!kpop #female member kpop #requests open #au #kpop #imagines #imagine #kpop au #kpop imagines

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jihyuncompass · 3 years

Text

I’ll Be Home (To You) For Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you are all having a wonderful holiday (or just a wonderful day for those who don’t celebrate Christmas)

I wrote this fic as a Christmas present for my very beloved friend @sunshinejihyun. Getting to meet you and becoming your friend has been one of the greatest moments of this challenging year. And I am grateful every single day to have a friend as kind, smart, creative, passionate, and beautiful as you are. As Christmas approached I knew I had to give you something as a gift. So I hope a fic about one of your favorite boys suffices. I hope you enjoy this, and again. I love you Bryn, so much.

Summary: Kiro has been working more than overtime as of late. Still, he makes sure to spare some time this holidays for his special someone.

Kiro x MC

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: None

Kiro’s eyes shone brightly on the giant screen. I watched as the promo for his newest music video played over the large display screen at the mall. Shoppers moved around me as I watched him on the giant display screen. A couple other passersby also stopped to watch him, they also looked just as mesmerized as I did. I sighed, a mix of contentment and also sadness. While seeing Kiro’s face on a TV screen was not uncommon, seeing his face in person had become rare as of late.

A few weeks ago Kiro had been forced to start working more. His manager and producers wanted to release a Christmas album right on Christmas Day, about a week from now. Which meant that he was forced to work. At this point pretty much day and night, I couldn’t even really remember the last time I had seen his face in person. The last time I could recall was about a week ago, and had been just for a few minutes on a lunch break. Trying to make conversation with him over frenzied bites of lunch.

He texted whenever he could, but it just wasn't the same as seeing him in person. His texts couldn’t quite convery his smile, or his warmth. It tied me over, but not nearly enough.

As the promo ended I sighed again and kept walking through the mall. I came here in order to try and find the perfect gift for Kiro. A task that was much easier said than done. While I knew he would like anything I got him, I still wanted to get him something good.

Maybe I could make something for him? I wondered walking around an art store, maybe he would appreciate something from the heart? What would I even make for him? I knew how to knit, maybe I could make him a scarf or a sweater? Would he even like something like that?

Near the back of the store was a wall full of yarn. There seemed to be colors of all types, different textures and sizes. I was practically overwhelmed with yarn. My eyes scanned over the options. When you thought of Kiro I always thought of softer colors. Warm, like his smile.

I picked up a warm yellow yarn. It was soft to the touch, and the perfect color for Kiro. I smiled and grabbed the rest of the supplies that I knew I would need. As I took it to the register my fingers were already itching to start knitting.

Hurrying home I was practically running back to my apartment. I held the bag under my arm to keep it from being hit with the snow that fell from the sky. My nose burned from the cold, my fingers bright red as I walked home to my apartment.

My phone dinged as soon as I shut the front door. I dropped the bag of yarn down on the table and pulled out my phone from my shoulder bag. Kiro’s bright smiling face lit up the screen. I smiled, sitting down in a chair I answered his call.

“Kiro!” “Miss Chips!” Kiro said. “I managed to sneak a quick break so I wanted to call you!”

I leaned against the chair, a warm smile on my face. “How’s work going?”

“It’s going. We’re getting close to being done.” Kiro explained.

“Do you think you’ll be done before Christmas Eve so we can spend the holiday together?” Kiro was quiet on the other end. I tried not to make any sounds that could show I was a bit disappointed. I knew this was a possibility. There was still a good chance he would have to work.

“I’m not sure. I’m going to try though! I want to spend Christmas with you.” Kiro said. I bit my lip.

I looked at my bag of yarn and supplies sitting on the table. “Don’t push yourself Kiro, I don’t want you to hurt yourself!”

He hummed on the other end. “Don’t worry about me Miss Chips!” From Kiro’s end I heard a few sounds, someone opening a door and talking. “Ah I gotta go, they want me back in the studio.”

“You should get back in then?”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t talk longer.” Kiro said apologetically.

I smiled, a bit sadly. “It’s all good Kiro. Go sing your heart out okay?”

“I will! Talk to you later!”

The phone disconnected before I could even say goodbye. I pulled the phone away from my ear. I held back another sigh, my eyes slid over to the bag of yarn again. Well, even if I couldn’t spend the holidays with him, I still wanted to have a gift to give him the next time I saw him, and hopefully, it’ll distract me from thinking too much about Kiro’s neverending work schedule.

I finished the sweater in the late evening on Christmas Eve. By the time I finished, my fingers were calloused and aching. Still, it was finished and that’s the most important part. I sat at my desk, back hunched as I wrote out a card to go with the gift.

In my tiny apartment I couldn’t fit an entire Christmas tree. So instead I settled for a small one that sat on my dining table. I wrapped it in twinkle lights and a few ornaments I had in storage. It wasn’t much, but it still managed to make me smile despite that.

After wrapping the git I set it under the small tree. As I sat back against the chair my eyes started to grow heavy. I’d woken up early to bake cookies and sweets, and finish the sweater. Now, I could feel my energy running out. I rubbed my eyes to stay awake. Not yet. I can’t sleep yet.

Wandering around the apartment I tried to find things to keep myself awake. I turned on the TV, maybe watching a movie would help? I kept myself on my feet, blinking heavily.

“Stay awake.” I whispered to myself. “Don’t go to sleep.”

A sharp knock at the door broke me out of my thoughts. I rubbed my eyes again and looked at the clock. It was already midnight, it must be Kiro right. Who else would drop by here at almost midnight on Christmas Eve?

“Hey!” Kiro grinned when I opened the door. Melting snowflakes clung to the ends of Kiro’s hair. A black guitar bag was strapped to his back. I grinned back and welcomed him inside.

“You managed to get out?”

He nodded and rubbed his freezing fingers together. “Yeah I managed to convince them to let me out for the night.” He faced me and was lightly bouncing on his heels to warm himself up. I took his hands in mine. His hands were ice cold, I held them tight to try and get him warm again.

“Just for the night?”

Kiro quietly sighed, exasperated. “I have to go back early tomorrow morning to finish everything.” Kiro seemed to notice the way my face fell, he frowned too then pulled his lips into a smile and squeezed my hands. “But you have me all night!”

I cocked my head to the side. “All night huh?”

Kiro laughed, his face flushing a little red. “I didn’t mean it like that! Unless, I mean if you want-”

I laughed, grinning at him. “I’m just joking Kiro.” I sighed and met his bright blue eyes. “I’m just so glad I can have time with you. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Kiro said. “But don’t worry, I have no plans for tonight other than being with you! I promise!” I led him further into the apartment and shut the door behind us. Kiro laughed at the small little tree on the dining table.

I followed behind him. “Hey I don’t have a lot of room here!” Kiro turned back.

“I didn’t say anything!” Kiro said. We both laughed, as I looked over his face, exhaustion seemed to be radiating off of him. While it wasn’t very obvious, up close I saw the heaviness under his eyes. Still, he looked like he was trying to force himself awake, he kept fidgeting and moving to try and keep himself moving.

The plate of Christmas cookies on the counter caught my eye. I had completely forgotten that I had left them there. I briefly let go of Kiro’s hand, I picked up the plate of cookies and turned back to Kiro. The moment that he saw the baked goods his face lit up like a child’s.

“I made these earlier!” You set the plate down on the dining table. Kiro reached to pick

up some of the cookies. He paused for a second then looked at me.

“Don’t tell Savin about this.” Kiro said. While his tone was humorous there was still a hint of seriousness there. I slid the plate closer to him.

“Savin’s not here. He doesn’t have to know a thing.” I winked at him. Kiro’s face broke into an even bigger grin. Kiro grabbed a gingerbread man on the plate, he held it up to bite the head off before you stopped him. “Kiro wait!”

He stopped, his face fell into a confused expression. “What? Why?”

I motioned to the cookies. “Look at them.” Kiro looked down at the gingerbread man in his hand. It only took a moment for his face to break into the biggest smile.

“Woah!” He lifted one of the cookies and held it up to his face. “You made a gingerbread me!” You nodded, Kiro looked between me and the little gingerbread man frosted to look like him. He lowered his arm and kept his eyes on the gingerbread man. “Man I kinda feel bad eating him.” He laughed, after another moment of looking at the Kiro-cookie he grabbed his phone from his back pocket. Making sure to snap a quick photo.

“Gotta keep the memory of little ginger-Kiro?”

He nodded. “Of course! He looks just like me after all!” Kiro set his phone down on the table. Taking one more good look at the gingerbread cookie. “I’m sorry little me, but you just look too good.” Kiro held back a chuckle and bit off the head of the cookie.

“Taste good?” I asked him.

“They taste perfect.” Kiro said. “Not that I would ever expect less from you.” I rolled my eyes. Kiro took another bite. “But they are really good. I think I might just need to have a couple more.” Kiro’s hand snuck towards the plate again.

I slid the plate to him again. “I made them for you! So have as many as you’d like.” Kiro picked up two cookies. Keeping one in his hand and giving me the other one. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling at him when Kiro and I tapped our cookies together like a toast.

“Oh, I have a gift for you too!” I sat up straight. We’d moved to the couch by this point. Kiro looked over, half a cookie still sticking out from his lips.

“A gift?” Kiro said. His words were muffled by the cookie he was still chewing. I nodded as I got off the couch and went back to the dining table. Picking up the wrapped gift from under the small Christmas tree I walked back to the couch. Sliding under the blanket we’d thrown over our laps when we sat down.

Kiro’s bright blue eyes were glimmering as he took the gift into his hands. I pressed my lips together, both excited and nervous. “Well?” I said poking him. “Go on you can open it!”

He tore the wrapping paper open, pushing it away from the gift. He pulled out the sweater from the wrapping paper. His eyes were shining when he looked back at me.

“Did you make this?” Kiro asked. I nodded, he looked back to the sweater, running his fingers over the yarn.

I watched his face carefully as he stared at it. “What do you think? Do you like it?”

Kiro stood up from the couch. He took off his jacket and pulled the sweater over his head. He smoothed out the sweater and looked back up at you with a huge smile. “It’s so soft.” He said. “I love it.” He said, Kiro kneeled down on the couch in front of me. He brought me into a tight hug, my face being pressed into the softness of the sweater’s shoulder.

“I’m glad you liked it.” I said. Kiro pulled away enough to look at my face.

“Of course I love it!” Kiro looked down at the sweater again and couldn’t get the smile

off his face. “Okay, okay I have a gift for you too.” Kiro sat up straight.

“Kiro you didn’t have to!”

He shook his head as he got off the couch again. “I wanted to. Just wait there.” Kiro reached for his guitar case leaning against the wall by the front door. He set the case down on the floor and pulled his acoustic guitar from the case. Kiro sat down on the couch with his legs crossed. “I haven’t had a lot of time to myself while I’ve been working on this new album.” Kiro started. “But I wanted to give you something really special for Christmas, so during breaks and in between recording sessions I’ve been working on this for you.” He adjusted the guitar to sit in just the right spot.

His fingers strummed the guitar strings. His eyes slipped closed as he played, not even feeling a need to look down at his fingers on the strings. I pulled my legs up to my chest, my head on my knees as I focused entirely on him.

Kiro sang softer than he normally did for his performances. During those he always sang with high energy, always trying to seek the crowd's attention. Here though, his voice was gentle and warm. While he didn’t sing with the same energy, he sang with just as much passion. As he sang I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. My eyes traced the soft features of his face, the way his fingers moved across the guitar strings.

Even without his Evol I knew I couldn’t stop watching him, I wanted to take in everything about this, I wanted to commit every second of this to memory, to replay it in my mind over and over after this moment ends.

I hadn’t realized how breathless I was, or how tears were falling down my cheeks until Kiro played the last chord. His eyes opened slowly, he looked up expectantly wanting to see my expression.

“What’d you think?” He asked. His face fell when he saw the tears in my eyes. “Miss Chips?”

I took a couple shaky breaths and sniffled. “Kiro I-” I laughed trying to stop myself from getting even more emotional. “That was amazing. I-” I stopped again. Kiro put the guitar back in the case on the floor. He scooted closer and pulled me into another hug. This one tighter, warmer.

“This is the most special song I’ve written, it’s just for you too.” Kiro said. When he loosened his grip enough I leaned back to look at his face.

I kissed him, my hands resting on the side of his neck and his shoulder. Between kisses I whispered a “Thank you” over and over again. Kiro was smiling, his eyes glimmering like stars up close. “You know.” I whispered to him. “Being with you is the best Christmas present I could have ever gotten.”

Kiro smiled again and laughed gently. “Aw, I’m really the best gift?”

I nodded and kissed him again. “The very best.” I sighed, resting my head on his shoulder. The soft yarn tickling my nose. My eyes were growing heavier and staying shut when I closed them. “I’m so sorry Kiro, I think I might be all worn out.”

Kiro hummed. “Let’s get some sleep then. You don’t want to spend Christmas morning sleepy!” I hugged him tighter.

“But I only have tonight with you, and I don’t want to waste it sleeping.” I complained.

“We’ll still be together! Don’t stay up on my account okay?” Kiro said. I sighed.

“I guess you’re right.” I looked up at his face. At the dark lines under his eyes “Besides,

you look exhausted too. We could both probably use some sleep.” I said.

This time Kiro rested his head on my shoulder. “I guess I am kinda tired.”

“You look more than kinda.” I said running fingers through strands of golden hair. “Let’s go to bed Kiro.”

We stumbled our way to bed, both of us struggling to keep awake now. Kiro curled up under the covers still wearing his handmade sweater. I pulled the covers over us, with half lidded eyes Kiro reached out and took my arm.

“C’mon, come here.” Kiro whined quietly. I lied down, resting my head on his chest. My arm laying across his stomach. I could hear his heartbeat in my ears, a nice rhythm to make me drowsier. Kiro’s arm around my shoulder and back keeping me close to him.

“Goodnight Kiro.” I said. Hardly awake now. “I love you.”

Kiro was also barely awake when he responded. “I love you too Miss Chips.” Kiro took a long tired breath. “Merry Christmas.”

I managed a smile just before drifting off. “Merry Christmas Kiro.”

#mlqc #mr love queens choice #love and producer #mlqc kiro #mldd kiro #zhou qilou #kiro x mc #bryn #also bryn gets the honor of being the reason for my first full mlqc fic

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fyexo · 3 years

Text

201216 M-Pop star Lay Zhang tells us about his music, dreams, and starting his own company

Chinese Megastar Lay Zhang wants to bring ‘China to the world’ with his music. He talks to Don’t Bore Us about how he plans to achieve his dreams.

For most of us, our dreams are conditional. For us, they remain in the abstract most of the time, attached to phrases like ‘It would be good if…’ or ‘I wish I…’. Not for Lay Zhang. Lay Zhang speaks in dreams. In his mind, he picks them out of the abstract and parks them on the road to his goals. Then, he sets into motion a cause and effect cycle, where each step leads to the realization of that dream.

“The word dream is a strange one,” he wrote in his autobiography Standing Firm at 24. “You start with a dream, but you have to fulfill everything in reality. Of course, it’s not really that you’re dreaming, because someone once told me, a dream is actually what a person’s heart looks like.”

Despite his status as one of China’s most famous stars, it’s this spirit that still is the condensation of Zhang’s ethos as an artist. Born in Changsha in the Chinese province of Hunan as Zhang Yixing, he was no stranger to the world of entertainment as a child star. In 2008, he auditioned for trainee-ship at SM Entertainment, largely considered the progenitor of modern-day K-pop, and passed. Four years later, he debuted as EXO’s Lay, an act that turned the tide for K-pop in the 2010s.

Home, however, was never very far away — after flitting between South Korea and China for work for sometime, the lengthy schedules eventually made him shift base to mainland China, laying the groundwork for Lay Zhang. His first studio album, Lay 02 Sheep, broke five records on the first day of digital release on the Chinese music service QQ Music. His second, NAMANANA, ranked No. 21 on the Billboard 200 chart, making him the highest-ranking M-pop artist on the chart to date.

It’s an ideal trajectory for anyone with dreams as big as Zhang: every new release came with new records and renown. Eventually, however, Zhang realized what his work was missing: a piece of his roots. He wanted to show the world “what China is really about.”

And so he said: “Let there be LIT.”

Named after a play on the Chinese word for lotus, ‘lián huā’, LIT — released in two parts over the course of 2020 — puts Zhang’s Chinese identity at its core. As he weaves the sounds of the Hulusi, Guzheng and Gong together with hip-hop, R&B, and Latin, Zhang not only creates his own genre (which he calls “mixed Mando-pop”), but also nurtures a new dream: one where Mando-pop frees itself of the labels of being “vapid” and “vain” and presents new avenues of experimentation and cultural triumph.

“In the future, mixed will be king. Every work, every genre can be mixed with each other; every language can mix with another. That’s where we go.” he says.

The way to this “mixed” world might be long, but Zhang will soon have company on the way. Earlier in 2020, he announced the establishing of his own company, Chromosome Entertainment, with a set focus to not only train the next generation of Chinese idols, but also to include Chinese culture and history as an integral part of their artistry.

DBU caught up with Lay Zhang to talk about Chromosome Entertainment, his music, how he is going to take his company to ‘infinity’, and his adorable cats.

Don’t Bore Us: Why did you think this was the right time to start your own company?

Lay Zhang: I have always wanted to have my own company and leave my mark in the world. I feel I need to think less and do more. I wanted to do it no matter how difficult it would be. If I kept waiting for the right moment, I might never do it. So, I created the Chromosome Entertainment Group.

DBU: Is there anything that you’ll focus on teaching the trainees that you yourself didn’t get during your trainee years?

Lay Zhang: Our trainees will learn more and more about Chinese culture and Chinese history.

DBU: Speaking of your music over the past year, we have to talk about LIT. We saw you expand into genres that you had never experimented with before. While Part 1 was a mix of traditional Chinese sounds, Part 2 had more modern inspirations such as R&B, Hip-hop, Latin, and others. Which of these sounds comes more naturally to you, and which one is more difficult to explore?

Lay Zhang: I just tried a lot of genres. Since I was young, I have been singing in Chinese and listening to pop music, so I find writing R&B is easier, since it is similar. With traditional Chinese music, it feels like second nature, since I grew up with it.

Latin and Hip-hop is very new to me, but Latin caught my ear because it’s easy to dance to. I’ve been listening to hip-hop and trap in the past few years. I think no matter what kind, I want to do a new genre. I want to call it M-pop because I think in the future, mixed will be king. Every work, every genre can be mixed with each other — every language can mix with each other, and that’s where we go.

DBU: Speaking of the incorporation of your native Chinese sounds into the songs on the first album, what is the most difficult part while looking for a middle-ground between culture and modernity?

Lay Zhang: You always want to respect the culture. We owe a lot to the past for giving us today: I cannot stress that enough. I understand that people have new tastes each year, so you want to make sure that you match the energy and the vibe of the year.

It’s hard to explain how I find the balance. I ask my friends and collaborators, what they feel. I took that into consideration [with LIT], and checked my gut feeling. Did I feel [like] it mixed my Chinese sound with the present or modern without losing it? It’s [a] feeling I get after listening to the record time after time in my car or in the studio.

DBU: With reference to bringing “China to the world”. How do you think LIT did that, apart from, of course, being a mash-up of different influences?

Lay Zhang: I think this album is the first of its kind in a way. It’s very unique: we brought together new and legendary producers to create beautiful music. We had traditional and modern day stories to showcase the idea of the past and the present, to show the world that Chinese artists can be creative. They can think more deeply about music. I want people to know that we are improving everyday. We are working hard. This is what LIT shows.

DBU: Historically, western audiences have thought of Mando-pop as being “very vain or bland.” You have always wanted to push forward Mixed Mando-pop through your work. How do you hope to change this perception of Mando-pop globally through your music?

Lay Zhang: It is a work in progress. We are still improving and developing M-pop. Since I was a child, I have always had big goals and dreams. I want to show the world what China is really about, that we are respectful people trying to better ourselves.

DBU: Your current approach to your work makes me curious. The words “one of China’s biggest celebrities” are often used in your context. With the fan-base and work you’ve built over the years, you could very well have taken the safer route and stuck to the previous sounds you have experimented with before, because anything you make is guaranteed to be a hit. So why is it important for you to keep making the kind of music you do, in the way you make it?

Lay Zhang: I want to challenge myself and see what I can do. I admit, I don’t always succeed, but I’d rather try different genres and sing in different languages to see what I am capable of. Like any artist, I want my music to reach more people, so you have to branch out and try new things, but at the same time, not lose who you are. I have great fans that support me and allow me to dream bigger. I want to pave the path for the next generation to share their music with the world.

DBU: You’ve worked both in South Korea and China. With K-pop having a moment in the global spotlight, what are some things that you feel M-pop could learn or borrow from K-pop?

Lay Zhang: I think it’s great that K-pop is having its moment. In M-pop, we need to put ourselves out there more. We need to meet fans in every city and town to create that one-on-one interaction. I think there are enough artists with quality music to match the artists in K-pop: we just need to focus on sharing Mando-pop.

DBU: For the past few years, you have been heavily involved in music reality shows geared towards bringing out China’s next musical stars. There was Idol Producer, Youth With You, Street Dance of China: what are your hopes from the next generation, and why this interest?

Lay Zhang: The next generation inspires me. Their dreams and efforts inspire me to work harder and be a good role model. I hope they can focus on creating great art and work that they can be proud of. Their work should speak for itself. If everyone can do this, they can do this. If everyone can do this, we can push the boundaries of music and art. We can create works that leave people in awe.

DBU: In the larger context of your artistry, what impact has this year had on you personally?

Lay Zhang: COVID-19 slowed my life down like everyone else. We have all experienced difficulties, but I was able to think about my music and career more clearly. I decided that I should go after the things I want as soon as I could. For my artistry, I realized I needed to focus on music I made, my company, and make music that really carried the culture and vibe of my country.

DBU: Observing your trajectory from when you just started out to now, I was thinking about how it is very clear where your professional priorities lie. What about personal ones? What are you focusing on personally in the coming year?

Lay Zhang: I think about this a lot, and it’s hard to separate my work and personal life. But I think I only have that much time before I run out of energy. I am always thirsty (laughs), so I know I won’t be able to continue this forever. I want to keep pushing until I can’t. So, then I can focus on my personal life knowing I gave it all to my career.

DBU: I asked some fans if they had anything to say to you, and most of them wanted me to relay the same thing: please take a well-deserved break! Now that LIT has had its successful run, is it time for a vacation, or is there more to come?

Lay Zhang: My cats give me a lot of confidence and happiness. They make it easier to face each day; it’s nice to know you have someone waiting for you at home. But I will take a vacation when I turn 40 (laughs). Of course, there is more to come: the trainees we are receiving are so talented. I am excited to create something that will hopefully last a long time, and will improve and uphold the entertainment industry in China.

L Singh @ Don’t Bore Us

#exo #lay #t: interview

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soupy-sales2004 · 2 years

Text

Bowie Bible Links to...

TIN MACHINE II (1991)~

Baby Universal

"'Baby Universal’ has so many interesting textures and sounds, from the beginning – from the interplay between the vocals to the powerful, straightahead rock ‘n’ roll backing track. I just love it. And Reeves’ solos are these sort of extended legato notes that disappear into feedback in the chorus, giving it this haunting, otherworldly feel, with David’s lyrics. It’s just a special moment for Tin Machine and one of my favourite things on the album. To me it’s a classic Bowie pop song, but it is Tin Machine. You can clearly hear the influence of Hunt and Tony in the way the rhythm section is executed."

One Shot

"Tin Machine II was to have been the label’s first major release, and they demanded that ‘One Shot’ be re-recorded with Hugh Padgham, who had worked on Bowie’s Tonight album. [Padgham>] 'I was sent the demo and I thought, Yes, this is a bloody great song.' The sessions with Padgham took place at A&M Studios in Los Angeles in September and October 1990. The producer was unimpressed with the other recordings for the album, and his initial impressions of the band were negative."

You Belong in Rock & Roll

"A song like ‘You Belong In Rock N’ Roll’ combines so many elements that couldn’t have been achieved in a live setting. There’s a combination of David playing ’50s sax licks; the groove by Hunt and Tony is very rock ‘n’ roll. David is doing his best Elvis Presley impersonation in the verse, but really lets out that sort of guttural, pleading vocal in the choruses. At the same time, there’s loops of strange guitar noises, probably created from Reeves’ vibrator trick. And they randomly appear in the song, giving it a kind of haunted feeling. Together, I think that’s a pretty special Tin Machine song from that album." [Palmer]

If There Is Something

"The Roxy Music track was done for the first album, the second track we made, and we included it to show the cohesiveness of what we were doing then and now. We did it because after ‘Heaven’s In Here’ we were so exhausted that we didn’t have it in us to write another song so we used an old song to show how we as a band would approach someone else’s material. We also did ‘Working Class Hero’ on the first album. When we were mixing this album, I remembered we’d done the Roxy song, pulled it out to see how it sounded. We really got off on it." [Bowie]

Amlapura

"I direct that my executor shall arrange for my remains to be taken to the country of Bali and to be cremated there in accordance with the Buddhist rituals of Bali. If that is not practical, then I direct that my executors shall arrange for my remains to be cremated and my ashes scattered in Bali." [Bowie (will)]

Betty Wrong

"'I put a lot of effort into that record. A song like ‘Betty Wrong’ has a lot of harmonic development in it. My biggest chore was making sure everyone was happy. Once I’d done that I could just be creative. I learnt how to care for an idea. It’s like trying to build a fire out of kindling and flint – you have to crowd around it and protect the flame and nurture it until you’ve got something you can use.' [<Gabrels] ‘Betty Wrong’ was given a makeover for Tin Machine’s It’s My Life Tour in 1991/2, with extended saxophone solos by Bowie."

You Can't Talk

"David Bowie’s half-rapped delivery recalled the likes of ‘Blackout’ and ‘African Night Flight’, with an opening reference to ‘Beauty And The Beast’. Reeves Gabrels’ experimental guitar work, meanwhile, was a forerunner of the electronica that would be more fully explored on 1997’s Earthling.

Stateside

"'Stateside’ was one of two songs on Tin Machine II with lead vocals by drummer Hunt Sales; the other was [<H. Sales] ‘Sorry’. 'Outside of David, I was the only one who sang on those records. You can get a little bit of an idea of where I’m coming from with ‘Sorry’ and ‘Stateside’.'"

Shopping For Girls

"That song actually came out of an investigative magazine article that Reeves’ wife wrote on child prostitution around the world. And one of the places she went to was Thailand. Reeves had the rather unsavory job of hiring the children and then getting them out of the brothels to Sara, who could then interview them. We were just talking about those experiences one night. And I’ve also been in Thailand and witnessed the same kind of thing. The actual approach of how to write the song was quite devastating. ’Cause it was so easy to slip into sensationalism. I tried all kinds of ways of approaching it … the moral point of view … and I just ended up doing it straight narrative. That seems to make it stronger than any other approach.'" [Bowie]

A Big Hurt

"Despite almost sharing a title with Scott Walker’s 1967 song ‘The Big Hurt’ (originally recorded by Toni Fisher in 1959), Tin Machine’s song is a punky thrash, with the influence of Pixies evident in Bowie’s delivery and the stop-start arrangement. A priapic cock rocker, ‘A Big Hurt’ is a sequel of sorts to ‘Pretty Thing’ from the first Tin Machine album. Despite some intriguingly odd lyrics (“Even a glass eye in a duck’s ass can see that”), it’s a far cry from the delicate beauty of ‘Amlapura’ or the social conscience of ‘Shopping For Girls’, with Bowie’s melodic gifts almost entirely absent."

Sorry

"Hunt Sales’ addiction problems were reportedly a key factor in the demise of Tin Machine. Bowie never fully explained the reasons, but indicated that drugs were certainly a factor. [Bowie>] 'I look back on the Tin Machine years with great fondness. They charged me up. I can’t tell you how much. Then personal problems within the band became the reason for its demise. It’s not for me to talk about them, but it became physically impossible for us to carry on. And that was pretty sad really.'"

Goodbye Mr. Ed

The song contrasts the fate of the Weckquaesgeek, the pre-colonial Native American occupants of southernmost Manhattan, with New York’s modern-day shopping malls and skyscrapers. “The ghost of Manhattoe” cry as they fall from AT&T, victims of rampant commercialism and modern day ‘progress’. The effect is a slideshow of victims and unfortunates, from Andy Warhol’s skull “in a shopping mall near Queens” to the washed up punks who “laid the Golem eggs”, Icarus to Breughel. Gone is the triumphalism of Halloween Jack surveying Hunger City from atop Manhattan Chase in 1974, and in its place is empathy and regret.

Hammerhead

"‘Hammerhead’ is a ‘hidden’ track at the end of Tin Machine’s second album. It was also a b-side of the singles ‘You Belong In Rock N’ Roll’ and ‘One Shot’. The song was co-written by David Bowie and drummer Hunt Sales. It was one of two such collaborations on the album, the other being ‘Stateside’."

#tin machine #tin machine II #david bowie #songs #song facts #list #bowie bible #sources #all text cited from bb

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justjeonday · 4 years

Text

Let Me Know | jeon jeongguk

In which you and Jeongguk have broken up, but he can’t bring himself to move on. He keeps it all hidden beneath a forced smile, only crying when he’s alone, ridding himself of thoughts by practicing for hours on end, but a man can only take so much pain until it all becomes too much.

“Love blooms like cherry blossoms but burns and becomes ashes.”

- 𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖌; let me know - BTS

- 𝖕𝖆𝖎𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌; jeon jeongguk x reader

- 𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙; 5,4K

- 𝖗𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌; PG-13

- 𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖗𝖊; angst, break up, idol AU

- 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘; self inflicted torture to numb the feeling of heartbreak?? (gguk intentionally makes himself gasp for air), exhaustion, very brief mention of not eating, mild depression, pining, gguk has a broken heart :(

- 𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖘; wow...I had so much fun writing this, and it also made my heart ache. This is inspired by the lyrics of the song, and I definitely have a new appreciation for it after writing this fic - the lyrics are absolutely beautiful, as always when it comes to bts’ music. I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it! feedback is always appreciated <3

this is a part of the bulletproof bingo event created by @ficswithluv! I’m very grateful for this opportunity, I think it’ll help me improve my writing a lot! thank you to all admins for your hard work!

and of course, a big thanks to Zoe for helping me finish this and beta-reading it! I don’t know what I’d do without you <333

Jeongguk awakes, eyes closing tightly at the sun hitting his face as he reaches an arm out to hug your waist and pull your warmth against him - but it falls with a thump on top of the mattress.

You're not there.

He opens his eyes to see your side unoccupied, the bed feeling cold and empty without you next to him. It hits him just as hard as the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that day.

You're not his anymore.

Jeongguk's heart breaks a little more as he reaches over to grab the pillow and hug it close against his chest, the smell of your shampoo still lingering, albeit faint, on the soft cotton. It reminds him of the mornings you spent together. The way you'd both lay in bed for an extra hour just holding and breathing each other in before lazily getting up to make breakfast. You love Sundays, and he has come to love them too. However, with you gone, they feel more dull than ever.

Tears sting in his eyes despite the warm feeling the memories with you bring, knowing he'll never experience that again - that you'll be nothing but a memory in his mind.

It still doesn't feel real. He has now spent two months in a cold bed, still sleeping on the left side of it and waking up expecting you to be right there next to him. Two months since the two of you were no more, two months since you broke his heart.

The moment feels blurry, like it had been a dream - a painful scenario created in his head.

Jeongguk presses the combination of numbers on your lock, expecting you to be laying on the couch reading just like you enjoy doing on Thursday nights like these while you wait for him to arrive. However, as he steps in, you're nowhere to be seen, and the TV isn't on like it usually is considering you don't like the silence when you're alone.

His eyes scan the apartment as he closes the door behind him, the clicking of the lock sounding through the space as it returns into its frame. After kicking his boots off and shrugging off his jacket, he walks further to look for you. His first thought is that you've already gone to bed, but it fades as he sees you on the balcony with your back facing him as you look out over the city.

The sight of you, his love, makes his heart flutter. He walks up to the glass door, sliding it open slowly not to startle you - but even that makes you jump slightly, causing you to turn quickly to find the source of unexpected noise.

"Hi," Jeongguk smiles.

You sigh. "Hey."

"You okay?"

"Uh..." you start, not really sure how to continue as you turn back to watch the city lights. "Yeah, I'm fine."

You're not fine.

Instantly he knows something's up, worry blooming in his chest as he walks up to stand next to you.

"What's wrong?" he asks, eyebrows furrowed. "Talk to me."

You breathe out, letting your head fall back as you try to keep it together. You'd been feeling like this all day, constantly finding yourself having to fight back the tears. You knew this moment was bound to happen sooner or later, but still, you dreaded it.

"We..." you stop, swallowing to keep your voice from breaking as you continue on. "We should take some time apart from each other." You say, eyes still not meeting his.

Jeongguk feels as if his heart stops, his breath getting caught in his throat. "Wh-What?" He stutters, searching for your gaze as you look down at your hands hanging over the railing.

The whole situation feels unexpected to him. He thought everything between you two was fine. Did he do something wrong?

He feels panic arising, quickly replacing the worry that found home inside his ribcage.

"I need to find myself," you speak, now gaining the courage to look into his eyes. "And you need to find you, and figure out who you are."

His beautiful eyes. Big brown eyes with countless amounts of stars sparkling in them, those eyes you've gotten lost in over and over ever since the two of you met years ago. Those soft eyes, and the wrinkles that form around them when he smiles - nose scrunching in happiness.

Your heart aches as you look into them, feeling tears sting in your eyes. You didn't want to do this. The last thing you'd ever want to do is hurt Jeongguk. Your sweet Jeongguk, your bunny, your happiness and your warmth. Your everything.

This has been the hardest decision you've ever had to make, but you know it'll be better this way.

You can’t help but feel like the two of you rely on each other too much for happiness and well-being, whenever there's a problem or when something is weighing you down - you always search for a solution in the other. You're grateful to have him, someone you can go to and feel better - you really are. But you found yourself wandering off inside your mind one day while waiting for him to return from work, wondering what life would be like without Jeongguk. He's been your light ever since the two of you met, the morning that dawned after a night that seemed to be endless.

You realised right then and there that, without him, you'd be nothing - everything would be dull. And as your mind wandered even further, questions started popping up in your head.

Do you love yourself? Yes, because Jeongguk has taught you to. Are you happy? Yes you are, because you have Jeongguk.

Are you really happy with your life? Do you wanna stay like this forever?

With Jeongguk? Yes, you want to stay with him forever. With life? No, you want to be genuinely happy, and you want to be independent in that - and be able to say that you've found true happiness, because and for you, not anyone or anything else.

You'd asked Jeongguk that same day; are you happy? Do you love yourself?

"Yes, because of you." He had replied, an unintentional reflection of your own answers.

His response should've made you happy, it should've made your heart flutter - but because of your concerns, you simply couldn't feel that way.

"What do you mean?" Jeongguk asks, voice weak as he hears his heart beat in his ears. "What's wrong?"

It pains you to do this. Like nothing else ever has.

"We're too dependent on each other," you explain. "We need to find happiness on our own, we need to learn how to love ourselves - on our own."

'On our own.'

At that moment, when those words left your mouth - that's when the ground beneath him shattered. That's when his world fell apart. When the stars shining above faded and the sun in his sky disappeared - leaving him lonely with a single grey cloud, and a world that became sombre.

What went wrong? What did he do that made you leave? Could he have done something to prevent it?

As Jeongguk recalls the moment, he feels a weight push down on his chest as he lays on his back, making his breathing heavy. Tears are now welling up in his eyes, running down the sides of his face and making his pillow wet. His hands come up to run over his face as he closes his eyes, biting down hard on his bottom lip to keep himself from sobbing too loudly. If he gives into the pain, he knows it'll be too hard to swim back up to the surface again - too difficult to put his mask back on and start the day off like nothing's wrong.

He’s been keeping it inside since it all happened, only crying and letting it get to him when no one's around. He doesn’t want to worry anyone, since he’s well aware they have their own burdens to deal with - not wanting to put any extra weight on anyone’s shoulders.

Jeongguk sucks in an erratic breath before getting out of bed, his body heavy as he walks over to throw yesterday’s clothes on before wiping his tears with the back of his hand and leaving his room as quietly as possible, wanting to avoid conversation with anybody. He manages to leave the dorm unnoticed, thankful the members are deep in sleep because of the late celebration that was held last night after their recent release of the new album. He wishes he could enjoy it, he really does - but without you everything feels meaningless, empty.

Twenty minutes later, he arrives at the bighit building, bowing politely to everyone he passes on his way to the practice room despite the sorrow weighing him down - making it difficult to pick his head back up again.

He’s able to breathe out as he enters the studio, a quiet void surrounding him as he leans back against the door. He feels relaxed here, only thanks to the fact it's his escape - his way of numbing the pain, even if it's just temporary.

He's been coming here every day since the two of you broke up. Tour is slowly but surely approaching, and there are several new choreographies to learn. Jeongguk and the rest of the members had been practicing them for a few months now, and even though Jeongguk knows every single move like the back of his hand - he still comes here everyday to perfect and improve them. He wants everything to be perfect on stage, a single mistake making him doubt himself for the rest of the concert.

You know this very well, how hard he is on himself. You were the one who could make him feel better about himself, reassuring him that everything was fine even though he might've messed that one move up. What would he do now that you were gone?

However, practicing has gotten another purpose now, to simply act as a distraction for him - to get you out of his mind as he moved along with the beat. To get to that point where the oxygen burned in his throat, his chest falling up and down quickly as he tried to catch his breath while laying flat on the floor.

And that's exactly how he finds himself many hours later, shirt damp with sweat and sticking to his chest as he falls down onto the floor, his legs weak. He almost gasps for air as he looks up at the ceiling, loud music still playing through the speakers. Even though the room is completely empty, it almost feels crowded, like the air is pushing in on him, like it's suffocating him.

It feels terrible, but he finds himself relishing in the self-inflicted torture. It almost works as an antidote, ridding his mind of you - and during those few seconds, he feels free, and his body feels weightless.

But then it fades and small pieces of thoughts and memories slowly re-enter his mind as he catches his breath, the weight of sorrow gradually pushing down harder and harder over his ribcage once again.

Usually, after a tough session like this, he'd drive back to your place and spend the rest of the night with you - hours filled with cuddling and sweet kisses as the two of you find comfort in simply being close to each other. He misses it. It feels empty without you, and his days feel excruciatingly long.

Being close to you, admiring you - he won't get to do it anymore.

He wonders if you miss him too, if you're hurting too. Are you thinking of him right now? Are you longing to hold him, just like he’s longing to hold you? He saw the look on your face when you told him you wanted to break up, he saw that you too found it hurtful. But why would you do it if you didn't want to? He can't really grasp the reason why. Couldn't you find happiness together? Wasn't it enough?

Wasn't he enough?

Jeongguk closes his eyes, trying to paint a picture of your face in front of him but the image in his mind is far from vivid. He can still remember everything, your beautiful eyes, your soft lips and how they felt against his own, your hand gestures you use so often as you speak, every single detail is still there, but the image is faint. He wants to reach out and run his thumb over your cheek bone, he wants to touch you - but he can't as you're slowly fading. It's torture, because even though your face might become more dim as the time without you increases, he's certain he'll always remember you and always compare you with everyone else. Compare the pink of your lips to others, compare how your eyes sparkle as you smile to others dull ones.

You'll always be it for him. You'll always have his heart.

Click.

The sound of the door opening brings Jeongguk back to the practice room despite the loud music already playing, his head turning to see Jimin walk in.

"Oh Jeongguk-ssi, I didn't know you were here!" Jimin says, smiling.

Jeongguk gets up from the floor, not really in the mood to chat or make small talk. He walks over and turns the music off, only now realising it’s dark out.

Jimin furrows his eyebrows in concern, slowly walking up behind Jeongguk. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm fine," Jeongguk replies, voice cold - more than he intends for it to be.

Jimin can tell something's up, and he's well aware that the two of you broke up - but for what reason, he has no idea. Jeongguk is usually really happy to see Jimin, always teasing and joking around with him - exclaiming 'Jimin-ssi' every time he enters the room. But ever since you two broke up, there's been this heavy energy around him pushing him down. He hasn't been eating as much as he usually does, and Jimin has never known someone who loves food as much as Jeongguk does - so seeing it naturally causes him concern. Jimin notices it all, he notices the way Jeongguk tries to hide it, but that's just how he is, he doesn't wanna trouble anyone else with whatever feelings he might have.

It's not the best trait of his. Eventually, it'll all become too much for him to handle on his own. Jimin dreads that moment has come.

"Jeongguk-" Jimin starts, but he's quickly interrupted.

"I'm fine!" Jeongguk says, his voice loud this time as the words echo through the silent room. "I'm fine," he repeats, now quieter as if he's trying to convince himself.

But he can't. He's not fine, and he knows it. He can feel his body getting weaker by the second, wanting nothing but to fall down and lay on the floor again - but at the same time, he feels like dancing more, he wants to move until he feels that burn in his throat again. The burn that numbs the pain of being without you, the heaving of his chest that forces him to focus on breathing instead of the bitterness your absence brings.

"Jeongguk," Jimin tries again, conscientiously deciding to continue when there's no reply. "I know you're struggling, but keeping it all in won't make it any better."

Jeongguk only listens, still standing with his back facing the older.

"You should talk to someone about it, anyone - just get it all out."

"I can't," Jeongguk mumbles, feeling as if someone is squeezing his heart with all their might.

Thinking about it over and over is one thing, but having to talk about it out loud would ruin him - it'd hurt even more. He'd have to accept it. Accept that you're no longer with him, that he won't get to kiss and hold you close again.

"Gguk," Jimin says, placing his hands on Jeongguk's shoulders.

The name sounds foreign as Jimin says it.

Gguk. That's what you always called him, except for when you were annoyed at him - only then voicing his full name. The memory makes Jeongguk want to smile and break down all at the same time.

It's too quiet, he's too still - and he feels the pain slowly seep back into his heart. "I can't," he repeats, but in a whisper.

"Why?"

Jimin makes Jeongguk turn to face him, only now seeing his glossy, tired eyes. How his lips quiver and how his skin seems unusually pale.

There’s so much pain, too much for him to handle.

"It hurts, hyung," Jeongguk sobs as everything he's been keeping inside bursts, his head falling to land on Jimin's shoulder. "It hurts so bad."

Jimin embraces him, a bothersome feeling appearing in his stomach at the sight of Jeongguk this way. His dear Jeongguk, having his heart broken for the first time.

You were his first love. You changed his life, and Jeongguk thought he had reached the peak of fortune even before you came along, but it turned out he hadn't. You quickly became someone he valued, that someone he had dreamt of - that someone he could give all his love to. But you're not next to him anymore. You're not laying next to him in the morning to accept his lazy kisses. There's no one next to him running their fingers over his back, connecting his birthmarks with light touches of a finger - creating constellations over his skin.

He thought he'd have you forever. Trying to imagine his life without you, it just came up as nothingness in his head - blank and pointless.

Jeongguk doesn't want to admit to himself it's over. If he tries hard enough, he's sure he could pretend this was just another day, finishing up at work to go home to you and hold you in his arms. But that wouldn't be fair to you, and not to himself either. Deep down he knows it, he knows it's over - that the two of you are no more. But he feels as if he's stuck at the end of a finished sentence, just before the punctuation mark. He wants to jump over it, but he can't bring himself to take that leap, that leap to move on from you and what the two of you had.

He's heard many times, in books and movies the two of you have watched together, that first love is something you'll always remember. So surely, there's no hope for him. He won't be able to move on from you no matter how hard he may try to.

He's certain he'll never find a love like that again. He's certain he won't find someone like you, who could make him as happy as you did.

Jimin softly runs his hand over Jeongguk's hair, thinking of what words to say next that could make him feel better. But his thoughts are halted when Jeongguk slowly pulls away from him, his breath irregular as he grabs his phone on the desk behind him before he starts walking towards the door.

"Jeongguk, where are you going?" Jimin asks, worry evident in his voice.

"I need to see her."

Jimin instantly starts walking after him. "You shouldn't."

"I have to see her," Jeongguk says, now exiting the practice room.

"I really don't think it's a good idea, Jeongguk," Jimin warns, having to jog after him to keep up.

Jeongguk only keeps walking, hastily passing staff in the corridor - not bothering to bow or greet anyone this time.

"Jeongguk, stop. You're not thinking straight."

He turns as Jimin grabs hold of his bicep tightly, keeping him from getting further.

"Let go."

He doesn't, his hand only tightening as his fingers dig into the skin.

"Let-"

"What are you gonna do? Huh?" Jimin asks, voice stern as he looks into the younger's eyes. "It's over, Jeongguk. You can't just go over there and see her, you don't have the right to anymore. It'll only make everything worse for the both of you. Seeing her will only make things harder than what they already are."

Jimin's words only cut deeper into his wounds and even more tears start falling from his eyes, creating wet paths down his pale skin. He groans out loud as the pain takes over once again, hands coming up to tug at his hair as he shuts his eyes tightly - trying his best to cope with the seemingly endless suffering.

"I just need her to let me know," he chokes, eyes opening to meet Jimin's.

"Let you know what?"

"That it'll all be fine, that I'll be fine," Jeongguk sobs. "I need her to let me know it's over."

"It's already over Jeongguk, don't you know?" Jimin says, concerned as his eyebrows furrow.

"It's all so blurry in my head I can’t remember anything clearly," he says through erratic breaths. "I need her to tell me it's all over, so I can move on. It hurts too much, I can't stay like this - I need to find peace."

"I'm not sure if it's-"

"Hyung," Jeongguk interferes with a desperate look in his now red and puffy eyes, taking a firm hold of Jimin's shoulders. "Please, I can't take it anymore."

Jimin sighs, his head in conflict with his heart. But after a few seconds, his grip on Jeongguk's arm loosens hesitantly.

After a last glance at Jimin, Jeongguk turns to continue towards his car - hurrying off to see you.

For the last time.

You're sitting at your kitchen table with your laptop in front of you, head resting in your palm as you try to come up with the right words for your essay. You've been sitting here since 10 PM, for almost an hour now, yet your document remains empty. It's almost funny how much it resembles your life at the moment.

Empty.

He's gone.

Jeongguk. Jeongguk. Jeongguk.

It’s all you've been able to think about.

You push the thoughts of him to the back of your mind for probably the eleventh time these past thirty minutes. You let out a frustrated sigh, sitting up straight in your chair as you feel your back ache.

You would've opted for the couch, but that would only bring you more burden. His scent still lingers on the fabric, the memories of him in your arms planting light kisses over your face all too fresh in your mind for you to face.

Two months, and still, you couldn't sit on your own couch. Pathetic.

You're weak.

You've done this to yourself. Everything about your relationship with Jeongguk was fine, but it felt wrong to rely on each other that much. You were raised to be independent, raised by your parents to be strong and stand up for yourself, to do what's right.

You longed to be with him again, to feel his skin under your fingertips - to feel his lips against yours and his hot breath against your skin as his face finds home in the crook of your neck as you hold each other close. But the timing wasn't right.

You want to be able to say you truly love yourself, that you're content with the person you are and that you're genuinely happy - without the influence of anyone or anything else.

Maybe fate will bring the two of you back together in the future, when all is right. You hope it will. Oh, how you hope it will.

You knew how big of a risk you took while making that decision, that it could ruin everything good you had together. But you felt it was the right thing to do, not only for your own sake, but for his as well. The both of you need to find yourselves, before you search for someone else. Perhaps Jeongguk even more than you, since he didn't have as much time as you for self-searching before you found each other, the reason being how early in his life he started to work.

Ten more minutes gone, and your document remains blank.

You need to stop thinking about it. You need to stop thinking about him.

You run your fingers through your hair before putting your focus on the display in front of you. A sudden inspiration hits you and you exhale in relief as your fingers start pressing the lettered keys.

But a sudden sequence of knocks against your front door interrupts you.

You close your eyes, pinching the bridge of your nose in annoyance.

The universe really doesn't want it to work out for you, does it?

You get up from your seat nonetheless, walking over and unlocking the door before pulling it open. The person standing in front of you almost makes you choke on air, taking a step back in surprise.

Jeongguk.

You simply stand in front of each other, the rest of the world fading as silence surrounds you. It's only the two of you now, eyes meeting for the first time ever since that night when you last saw each other.

You notice he's been crying, his eyes glossy and swollen. It makes your heart ache.

You caused this. This is all your fault. It’s your fault he’s hurting.

Your vision becomes blurry as tears collect in the corners of your eyes, threatening to fall. But you don't let them, blinking them away and swallowing the sobs back down.

"What are you doing here?" You ask, your voice weak even though you try your best to sound okay.

Who are you trying to fool? You're not okay.

You haven't been ever since that night on the balcony. It takes all of your willpower not to throw your arms around him, apologize and let him know it’ll all be okay.

Jeongguk's bottom lip starts quivering again at the sight of you. You’re right in front of him, but he can’t touch you - he can’t embrace you even though that’s all he wants in this world.

"I miss you," he utters with a broken voice.

You don't know what to respond with, but your mind wanders to a place where it shouldn't be - making unwanted words linger on the tip of your tongue.

I miss you too. Please come back.

You can't say that. It goes against everything that's happened.

Jeongguk turns as he hears the sound of keys rattling, knowing very well it's the building inspector that comes every eveing close to midnight to make sure it's peacefu. It's the sound you'd faintly hear outside the door when you had movie marathons, or when you just laid on your couch talking until the AM.

Jeongguk, to show respect and reassure that everything's fine, turns to bow to the man as he walks past - but as he does he's ridden of all strength, and it causes him to stumble forward and fall to his knees on the floor.

Out of habit to care and make sure he's okay, you gasp as you rush up to him and get down to sit on your knees in front of him - grabbing a hold of his shoulders to support him as his head hangs with exhaustion.

You’ve seen this before. This is how he gets when he overworks himself, when he neglects sleep or food because of work. It pains you to see him so weak he can’t even stand up.

All you want is for him to be okay, to be healthy and happy.

"Jeongguk," you say, voice laced with concern. "Hey, look at me."

His eyes flutter closed as you cup his face to hold his head up, and you feel him lean into your touch.

"What are you doing?" You ask, shaking lightly to get his attention.

He only lets out a weak groan in response, falling into your embrace and letting his forehead rest against your collarbone. You’re sitting in the middle of the hallway with a weak man in front of you, completely helpless with no one to call out to for help.

You look around to see that the inspector is long gone, probably in the elevator already on his way to inspect the last few floors.

Shit.

"Jeongguk?" you say to gain his heed again, letting him lean on you still.

"Mm?" he mumbles, voice rough.

"Are you not taking care of yourself?" You ask, guilt and sorrow creating a knot in the pit of your stomach.

You hear him as he starts to sob, tears running down and dripping off his nose - falling onto the fabric of your shirt, causing it to become damp. "I miss you so much."

"I know Jeongguk, I know," you hush, fingers running through the hair at the nape of his neck.

“I love you so much it hurts, all I want is to be with you.” He cries. “Why did you let me go?”

Your heart squeezes tightly at his words, tears once again welling up in your eyes. You can’t help but let them fall this time, but you wipe them away quickly. You need to stay strong for him, and for yourself. If you let yourself fall down that hole, you won’t be able to trust yourself - th hurt could make you do something you regret.

You could take it all back and go back to the way you were before, but you know it's wrong. You can't play with his feelings like that. You need to stay true to your words and find yourself before giving your relationship with him another chance.

No matter how much it hurts to see him like this, and how much it hurts to be away from him - you need to stick with what you've said.

He gathers the strength to pick his head up and look at you, his face dangerously close to yours. Only a few centimeters and you could feel those pink, soft lips against yours again.

"Do you miss me, too?" He whispers, tears still running down the curves of his cheek.

You look away to avoid his gaze, his sad eyes, the stars in them faded - it hurts too much to see them that way. You find yourself caressing his cheekbone with the pad of your thumb, wiping the wet paths away. "Of course I miss you, Gguk. But we can't let it change anything, not right now."

"When?"

"When you've found yourself, and when I've found me - when we've figured out who we are as people, who we are without each other. Maybe we can try again then, if fate is on our side."

"Really?" He sniffles, breathing now a bit more steady as he sits up straighter.

You look into his eyes again as you let your hands fall from his face.

"Only on one condition," you say.

He looks at you with tired, but hopeful eyes. "Anything."

"I want you to take care of yourself. I want you to eat and rest well, and please don’t overwork yourself. Be focused on yourself, and on your own goals - and I don't want any of it to be influenced by me. And if you find someone who makes your heart flutter-" you pause, noticing how he opens his mouth to oppose you.

He wants to tell you he won't find anyone else, that he'll wait for you until the both of you are ready. But you speak again before he gets the chance to.

Besides, he shouldn't. If that's what you want, then he'll accept it if he finds someone special.

But no one will compare to you.

"- then I want you to explore that and see what it could turn into - maybe they’ll be your soulmate.” You smile at him. “I want you to have fun with your friends and spend time with your family. If you can do that for me, maybe we'll start over and try again in the future when we know who we are."

Jeongguk feels the weight finally lift off his shoulders and how his heart starts beating more easily at your words. Still sitting on the floor outside your apartment, he looks at you - and it doesn't hurt as much.

He feels free.

Everything is going to be okay.

He’ll still miss you, still miss waking up to you, kissing you, hugging you - but he can live with that. You’ll always be in his heart, and he’ll always be in yours.

You have each other.

"Promise me?" He says, holding his pinky out.

You look down, unable to hold back the small smile spreading on your lips.

You hook your pinky with his, looking into his eyes once again - seeing a spark of hope shining in them.

"I promise."

243 notes · View notes

spaceskam · 4 years

Text

what’s it gonna be? (2/3)

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ao3

The difficult thing about approaching Alex Manes was that you couldn’t just talk to him.

He was closed off and boarded up, his dark clothes and edgy taste in music were loud indicators that he didn’t want to let anyone new in. That meant Michael was going to have to be creative. Which honestly wasn’t fair at all considering Liz was probably the easiest person in the world to talk to, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Michael clicked his pen against the table as he stared a few rows down where Alex was hunched over his guitar, gently strumming and scribbling down some things every once in a while. The whole prospect of Alex bringing his guitar to school in the first place already felt like a red flag and Michael was waiting for him to just break out into Wonderwall.

Still, Max apparently liked the guy and they made a deal, so he got up and walked over to him.

Michael stood in front of him, waiting for Alex to catch sight of him. And Alex did, starting at his feet and slowly following the length of his body up to his face. Michael flashed a smile.

"Play me a song, guitar boy."

Alex stared at him for a second before rolling his eyes, looking back down to his guitar. Michael sat down in front of him.

"I play guitar too, you know?" Michael went on. Alex hummed mindlessly, but he didn't tell him to go away. "Pretty good at it if I do say so myself."

"Good for you."

"Play me something," Michael prodded again. Alex sighed and looked at him.

"Why are you talking to me?" he asked. Michael blinked innocently.

"Who else am I supposed to talk to?" Michael said, "Everyone else sucks."

"And I don't?" Alex said. He had a genuine curiosity in his tone, strands of hair falling from the bun at the nape of his neck and falling around his face. For a moment, Michael got a little overwhelmed. Dark hair, big dark eyes, nice lips, nice figure. He shook it away before he could think too hard about it.

"Well, I don't know you well enough to make an educated statement," Michael said, "So I guess I'm just gonna have to bother you until I figure it out."

Alex stared at him for a moment before a smile started to tug at his lips and he looked back down to his guitar. He seemed to hide behind his hair and Michael wondered how anyone thought he was scary. So what if he got in fights? He got flustered too easily to pass as scary.

"So, guitar boy, you should teach me some shit about music," Michael said, "After school, maybe?"

Alex looked back up to him, eyes a little wide as if he was actually shocked by the invite. Michael just stared unwaveringly at him. He nodded slowly.

"Yeah, okay," Alex agreed, "After school."

Michael grinned, climbing back to his feet. He gave Alex a parting salute and went back to his spot, not addressing the way he could feel Alex's eyes on him. This was going to be easy.

He could only imagine how easy it would be for Max.

When Max walked into English and saw that the seat beside Liz was open, he couldn’t help but feel like he won the damn lottery.

He easily strolled up to her, clutching his backpack as he watched her stare down at her notes. Her hair fell over her shoulders and onto the page like a waterfall and the end of her pen was between her teeth. Liz almost looked like a painting and he couldn’t help but think that his brother had good taste.

“Hey, Liz,” Max said. She lifted her eyes to him and dropped the pen to her notes, smiling that warm and welcoming smile that she always had.

“Max, hi.”

“Can I sit here or is this seat taken?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah, no, it's open. Sit," she said.

Max nodded, taking the seat and pulling out his binder. He looked between it and her a couple times, trying to find a good thing to spark conversation with. He decided starting with science would be the best way since that was her speciality, the only one in the school who had taken every science the school had to offer.

"Hey, do you understand the whole balancing equations thing in Chem? It's still a little confusing to me," Max said, pulling out his thankfully unfinished homework. She nodded and leaned into his space. Her hair smelled nice.

"Yeah. So the best way to get the hang of it is to break it down in a visual way. So, like, the left has one carbon, four hydrogen, and two chlorine while the right has one carbon, one hydrogen, and five chlorine. So the right needs four hydrogen, but since it's paired with one chlorine, it makes the total on the right eight, and now you need to make the one on the left eight too, so you add a four," Liz explained. Admittedly, the information when in one ear and directly out the other. "Make sense?"

"Well… No, not really," he said. She laughed, pulling her hair over her shoulder and out of the way as she looked at him.

"Class is about to start, but if you want to study after school we can. I'll work on my explanation skills before then," Liz promised. Max smiled and nodded.

"Sounds good."

For the rest of the class, Liz whispered small comments and told him jokes. It was almost too easy. Max didn't understand what kept Michael from befriending her. It was the easiest thing he'd ever done.

Hopefully Michael wasn't as bad at approaching Alex as he was at approaching Liz.

Okay. He got it. Alex was cool.

There was one record store left in Roswell and Alex wants to spin the afternoon there, so Michael followed. He'd shucked his flannel off at some point, leaving him in a tight black t-shirt and jeans with the flannel tied around his hips and knock-off docs on his feet. He flicked through a stack or rack of records before he found the one he wanted. Alex held it up for Michael to see, raising his eyebrows.

“Elvis Presley? Really?” Michael asked, following him over to a record player that had a set of headphones at it. Alex unplugged it and plugged in his own pair.

“Yes, really,” he said, holding out one earbud to Michael to take, “I’d show you something cooler, but I always go easy on someone’s first time.”

Michael laughed, his skin feeling a little hot at the insinuation. Alex just kept that smug smile as his skillful fingers started the record. The smooth sound started up with a swing feel to it and Alex seemed to be watching him, waiting for his reaction.

"This is the first album he released after he was honorably discharged. And I mean right after. They rushed the shit out of it because they were scared he would lose his relevancy," Alex explained. Michael nodded, focusing more on his words than the sound of Elvis singing about trying to get someone to prove to him they wanted him. "It peaked at number two on the charts, but still had super mixed reviews. Which is weird, honestly, because his service in the army gave him a lot of support from an older audience."

"You know a lot about Elvis," Michael said. Alex shrugged.

"Not really, I know about his time in the army and that's about it," he explained, looking at Michael in a way he couldn't quite place. It was almost questioning, like he was testing the waters. Which didn't make fucking sense because he was Alex Manes. "I know a little bit about a lot of things."

"Like what?" Michael prodded. Alex stared at him in silence for a few seconds, his gaze intense and overwhelming. Michael's skin felt hot under it, his heart thudding in his chest. The only sound being Elvis singing along to snapping and a soft bass.

'You give me fever when you kiss me,' Elvis sang, 'what a lovely way to burn.'

"I guess you'll just have to stick around and see what I can teach you," Alex said. Michael nodded without even thinking, his body working on it's own accord.

"Okay."

Alex smiled and tucked his hair behind his ear and turned to search through a bin he was standing beside. He pulled out a new vinyl.

"Black Sabbath," Michael read, clearing his throat. Alex nodded.

"They've got good shit."

Was it wrong that Michael didn't ever want to leave?

"Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, yeah, thanks."

It was a little weird, Max thought, that the first girl he had in his room that wasn't Isobel or his mom was Liz Ortecho. He'd never really pictured her there. He quite liked the sight.

"Knew you'd get it," Liz said, "It's not hard, just takes focus."

"Yeah, you're also just a good teacher," he said. It was a little bit of a lie. She rambled a lot, getting distracted by her own train of thought and assuming he knew more than he did, but he didn't mind. He liked listening to her talk even if he wasn’t sure what she was talking about. Max didn’t understand how Michael had even formed a crush in the first place if he hadn’t listened to her ramble.

“Thank you,” Liz said, smiling as she leaned back.

They were sitting on his bedroom floor and her head was against his mattress. Would the smell of her hair linger on his sheets? Was that weird to think about?

"So, you wanna be a scientist when you grow up?" Max asked, leaning his head against the wall. Liz shrugged.

"I think I'm going to go into biological engineering. I like knowing how all that stuff works and messing with things," Liz explained. Max nodded.

"My brother's like that," Max said. Liz furrowed her eyebrows. "Michael."

"Oh, wow, I didn't know he was your brother," Liz laughed. Max shrugged.

"Yeah, we just got separated wherever Iz and I got adopted," Max said. Liz nodded, pulling her leg up to her chest and resting her chin on her knee.

"Well, what do you want to do when you grow up?" Liz asked. Max laughed a little as he allowed Michael's name to disappear from the conversation.

"I wanna be a writer," Max admitted. Liz had a knowing look on her face as she nodded.

"I can see it, you got that whole," Liz paused and gestured to him, "Slightly pretentious vibe about you."

"Hey!" he laughed.

"What? It's not a bad thing as long as you don't let it overcome you. I'm a firm believer that you have to be a little pretentious to be a creator of any kind. The confidence helps you succeed," Liz insisted. Max shrugged slightly, but he couldn't help but smile. "Trust me. My friend Alex is totally pretentious about his music, but we love him for it."

The mention of Alex felt a little jarring as he remembered what he was supposed to be doing. But Liz didn't let that memory last long.

"Well, show me some of your writing," Liz said. Max's eyes widened.

"What? I don't know if you'd wanna–"

"I do, c'mon, read me something," she prodded. Her eyes scanned the room before landing on the notebook on his nightstand. "Is there any in that?"

"Well…"

A mischievous smile crossed her face and she reached for it. Max didn't even think it through as he quickly went to grab it. He didn't want her to read anything in it. Each page was a different story, all disjointed and too many of them involving a love interest that were inspired by beautiful people he saw in school that he'd be embarrassed if she recognized.

Liz squealed in a joyous fashion as he tried to grab it first. She snatched it, her laughter contagious as he tried to grab it from her. She let go as he yanked it and he fell backwards. Liz took the opportunity of him being caught off guard to lean over him and grab it. Max caught her waist and flipped over. Suddenly, the book had slid a few feet away and he was just hovering over her.

Before he could really let it register, Liz grabbed his arms and locked her legs around his hips, flipping them over again and pinning his hands above his head. She had a victorious smile on her face, her long hair pooling around his head and making it impossible to look at anything but her. He swallowed harshly.

"Don't underestimate me just because you're tall, Max Evans," Liz told him. He nodded, probably a little too entranced by her, well, everything.

"Trust me," he said, "I wouldn't dare."

Alex was a master of saying something and meaning something else entirely. It left Michael feeling like he was starving and Alex's intentions were the only thing keeping him alive.

"What do you mean you haven't noticed?" Alex scoffed, shaking his head as they walked towards Michael's truck. It was Friday, four days into spending all his free time with Alex Manes and already he struggled to see a day he didn't do just that. "It's so obvious!"

"Obvious to who?" Michael laughed. Alex threw open the passenger side door without any hesitation, climbing it and dropping his messenger bag to the floor. He waited for Michael to get into the driver’s seat before answering.

“Anyone who claims to be interested in horror movies, Michael Guerin,” Alex said, giving a slightly dramatic sigh. Michael snorted as he started up the truck.

“Look, man, when I watch a movie, I don’t really pay attention to the music,” Michael admitted, looking over his shoulder as he started to back out of the parking spot.

“Oh my god, you’re speaking blasphemy, shut up,” Alex said, earning more laughter from Michael, “So horror at its peak in the 50s and 60s was heavy in strings, but once the synthesizer started gaining popularity in the 70s-ish‒by the way, did you know it was invented in the 50s?‒it took over. Just recently, like the last few years, they’ve been going back to strings, but like a distorted violin type of strings.”

“Okay, I think I see what you mean,” Michael said, nodding his head as he thought back to all the movies he’d seen in his lifetime. If he thought hard enough, he could think of movies that fit what Alex was talking about.

“Yeah, dude, it’s super obvious. Oh, shit, the drive-in is playing The Thing tonight at 8, that’s a perfect example of the mix between synth and orchestral since it’s, like, the early 80s,” Alex said. Michael looked over at him, seeing him looking down at his phone. His hair was down and shielding half of his face, but the sun was still hitting him like he was made for it. He was fucking gorgeous.

“Is that your subtle way of suggesting we go see a movie tonight?” Michael asked, glancing over at him again. Alex adjusted in his seat and looked up, tucking his hair behind his ear.

“I mean, yeah, we can,” Alex said, “Wouldn’t mind an excuse to stay out of my house.”

“I feel that,” Michael laughed, “Yeah, let’s go.”

It was how Michael ended up at almost 9pm at the drive-in, shrouded in darkness and watching The Thing while undeniably close to Alex Manes.

“Listen, listen, listen,” Alex whispered, leaning so close that his lips were almost touching his ear as he pointed. Michael moved his eyes off the screen to look at Alex only to see his eyes attached to the screen, sheer wonder in his eyes. “During most of the true horror moments in this movie, there’s no music at all, usually just letting you feel the moment. But, but but…” Alex breathed. Michael watched him instead of it again. But, still, he heard the slow build of synth in time with Alex’s smile growing. “You feel it? It’s right before shit gets bad, it’s preparing you, but letting you still feel the actual moment. It’s fucking genius.” Just like that, the synth stopping, just the screams of the creature and the people. Alex breathed in and dropped his hand, smiling. “This whole movie is a masterpiece.”

“I was kinda expecting you to jump out of fear,” Michael whispered, trying to shake that absolute entranced feeling watching Alex like this. In the darkness of the night, his face only lit by the screen and the dim street lamps that were set up, his guard was completely down. It was incredible.

“Jump scares are cool maybe once or twice a movie, but even that’s pushing it. Real horror lasts in your brain long after you watch it,” Alex said, looking at him for just a second, “All good shit should leave you unable to think about anything else.”

Michael nodded. “You’re right.”

“I know I am,” Alex said. His eyes flickered down and then back up to Michael’s eyes before he turned his gaze back to the movie. “Look, look, this is my favorite part.”

Michael looked and didn’t comment as Alex settled into his side. Alex’s best points were always unspoken and this felt like one of them.

“Let me see!”

“I am letting you see.”

Max laughed as Liz just glared at him, standing on her toes as she pulled on his arm. He continued holding the English paper he’d gotten back well over his head. Liz wanted to see his so they could compare them, but he found it much more enjoyable to hold it up and let her try to grab it.

“Stop,” Liz groaned.

Liz ended up taking a fist full of his shirt, dragging him over to one of the booths in the Crashdown. Max kept laughing as she forced him to sit down, kneeling on his thighs to keep him in place as she plucked the paper out of his grasp. She stuck his tongue out at him and the smile on his face was impossible to get rid of.

“You could’ve asked,” he teased. Liz glared at him, still just staying there with her knee in his lap. She was looking at his paper and he was looking at her. She seemed to get more gorgeous by the day, slowly but surely becoming unbearably attractive.

He watched as her eyes skimmed his paper, reading quickly as she settled her weight against him. She flipped to the next page, reading over it more, but then her eyes widened as she caught sight of his grade. Max smiled.

“A 102?” she scoffed, looking at him with a faux-offended face, “How the hell? I just got a 100!”

“Bonus points for using vocabulary words and using more than three sources,” he said. Again, that adorable glare. “But a 100 is still great.”

“Mhm, we’ll just have to talk when I get a 103 on my science test and you get a 91,” Liz said. Max grinned, shrugging shoulders. He was well past the point of caring as long as she stayed this close and kept talking. Sadly, though, she got off his lap and stood up straight.

“I can help you on your next paper,” Max offered. Liz looked at him with a knowing smile, tilting her head to the side.

“Well, I would hope so. I helped you with your science test, you’re definitely not off the hook. Now sit right there, I’m gonna go get us fries,” she said, not even waiting for an answer as she spun and went into the back. Max took a moment to let himself melt a little into the seat.

Soon, Liz was coming back with a basket of fries and a milkshake. She sat on the other side of the booth, that sweet smile still on her face.

“Only one?” Max asked playfully. She put her hand over her heart and gasped, giving an offended look.

“How dare you? Do I look like a woman who doesn’t share?” Liz asked. Max tilted his head and scrunched up his nose, enjoying the way it pulled laughter out of her. “Yeah, you’re right, but I’ll be nice today.”

Max watched as she pushed two straws into the shake. It felt a little too real and he looked at her to make sure she was actually okay with sharing. However, she didn’t even seem phased as she leaned forward to take a sip, marking her straw with a shiny stamp of lip gloss. Max, albeit hesitantly, leaned in and took a sip from the other one. She was still smiling.

He liked this.

“All things aside, though, I really like your paper,” Liz said, pointing at him with a fry, “If only you’d let me read something you wrote that you actually care about.”

“Maybe one day,” he offered. She raised her eyebrows, leaning closer.

“When is one day?”

“One day, I don’t know,” Max laughed. Liz shrugged a shoulder.

“Soon, I can feel it,” she stated firmly, “I’ve got a certain charm and I don’t think you’ll be able to resist.”

And Max had a feeling she was absolutely right.

Alex tilted his head back, breathing out a puff of smoke as he relaxed in the bed of Michael’s truck.

Michael’s lips parted as he watched him, his mouth feeling dry and his skin feeling too hot. He looked like a goddamn model at that moment. How the hell was anyone supposed to think straight? The weed definitely didn’t help.

“How many people have you slept with?” Alex asked, blunt and without preface. It only made Michael’s mind feel even more cloudy, the mix of wind and Elvis Presley’s Fever playing from his phone doing him no favors.

“Uh,” Michael said, stretching his legs out parallel to Alex’s, “Two?”

Alex nodded, not saying anything else as he leaned forward to pass the joint to Michael. He accepted it, his eyes still on Alex as he put it to his lips. Alex’s eyes lingered on his face before slowly scanning his entire body. When he got to his legs, Alex reached out and put his hand on his calf. His thumb rubbed small circles over his jeans. Michael’s brain was malfunctioning.

“Roswell has a population of a little over 6,000 people,” Alex said softly, his hand staying on his leg as he looked up to him. The joint was limply in Michael’s hand, too drunk on Alex’s existence to hold it properly. Alex plucked it from his grip, stubbing it out on the bottom of his shoe. Once it was completely out and done smoking, Alex moved even closer to tuck it behind Michael’s ear. “6,000 people and I can’t stand most of them, but I people-watch. I understand them and social cues and how to interact. I hate it, though, the uncertainty of it.”

“Yeah,” Michael breathed, agreeing with him on principle alone. Alex’s lips twitched up into a smile that didn’t last, his fingers letting go of the joint and tracing over his ear and his neck. Chills rose to his skin and his breathing got a little heavier. Alex’s eyes fluttered over his face again.

“I like certainty,” Alex said, “So I think I know what your goal is, but I’d really like you to spell it out for me.”

“My goal?” Michael clarified. Alex nodded, somehow even closer. He tilted his head to the side and he ditched all sense of preservation, his eyes on Michael’s lips and not moving. Which, maybe Michael was stupid, but he slowly let his eyes drift to Alex’s lips, focusing on that part of him in the same way.

Alex leaned in a little more, their foreheads touching just a little. And, just as Michael was about to close the space, his phone went off. Michael jumped and looked away to search for it. Alex sighed, sitting down as Michael checked to see what had ruined his moment.

Max: tomorrow after church?

Michael swallowed harshly and looked up to Alex who’s focus had drifted to playing with a loose string on the hole in his jeans at his knee. He kind of forgot about Max and what the point was. He was supposed to be learning about Alex for Max, not for himself. Guilt slowly started filling his veins as he realized how selfish he’d been.

Fuck.

“God, Max, this is beautiful.”

“Thank you.”

There were a lot of nerves that went into letting a pretty girl read your inner most thoughts, but Liz was endlessly respectful of his feelings and didn’t insult him for being too sappy. She scrolled down on the long document that he typed his story in, still reading as she sat right beside him.

“Seriously, you should look into getting published,” Liz said, finally looking at him. They were in his room again. This time the door was closed. It felt good.

“I don’t know, I feel like that’s a lot harder than you’d think,” Max said, shrugging his shoulders. Liz rolled her eyes.

“Well, you won’t know until you try! And, who knows, all it’ll take is a little willpower. Or maybe you could self-publish. I could help you figure it all out,” Liz offered. Max furrowed his eyebrows, a disbelieving huff leaving his chest.

“Why would you do that?” he asked, “You’re far too nice to me, Liz Ortecho.”

“I’m a nice person,” she insisted, “And you’re way too talented to just let it go to waste.”

“I don’t know. I want to travel first, see stuff, get inspired by something real, you know?” Max said. Liz nodded without hesitation.

“Yeah, I want to travel too,” she said, looking down for a second before looking back at him, “Maybe we could travel together.”

His eyebrows shot up, blinking a couple times. “You’d want to travel with me?”

“Well, why not?” she said, “I’ve always wanted to and why not go with someone you like spending time with?”

“You really have that much fun spending time with me?” Max asked, really not buying that. She was so… and he was just…

“There’s just something about you, Max Evans,” Liz told him, fondness thick in her voice. It warmed his heart in a way he didn’t quite understand. No one had ever said something like that about him before. He always just assumed he was just Max. “I don’t know. I’ve known you all my life and sometimes… Reading this, I kinda feel like this is the first time I’m really seeing you. Seeing you and seeing how you see other people. It’s beautiful, Max.”

“I get that,” Max said, his chest feeling a little tight and his mind overwhelmed. She was way too good for him. “Sometimes I feel like you’re the only girl in the room.”

“Well,” she said, tilting to her head to the side, “Right now I am.”

Max smiled and bit his lip. It was too easy to get entranced by her, too easy to miss when she started to lean in, too easy to get obsessed the way her hand touched his cheek.

And too hard not to get pissed when Isobel busted inside before either of them could close the space.

“Hello,” Isobel said, clearly happy to ruin the moment, “Hate to break up the love fest going on in here, but your dad called, Liz. Said he tried calling you, but your phone was dead and he got worried. He wanted to know if you were going to make it home for dinner.”

“What time is it?” Liz asked, glancing down at the laptop and her eyes widening, “Oh, shoot, sorry, Max, I gotta go. I had fun.”

“Wait, I’ll drive you,” he offered as she got up quickly. She shook her head as she grabbed her bag.

“Don’t worry, the walk isn’t far. I’ll see you later?” Liz said. He nodded and she slipped past Isobel, hurrying down the stairs. Max sighed and leaned back.

“Way to ruin the moment, Iz,” he grumbled. Isobel raised an eyebrow.

“Way to move in on the girl Michael’s been staring at for a year,” Isobel pointed out, “Does he know that you’re doing that or is this just a fun way to get back at him for breathing too loud when he sleeps?”

Max couldn’t see himself, but he was sure his face paled as he was reminded of Michael. He’d forgotten that’s what he was doing. Hell, he’d forgotten everything that wasn’t Liz. Guilt overcame him too fast and he quickly pulled out his phone.

Max: tomorrow after church?

“Hope you enjoy telling him,” Isobel said in a sing-song voice as she walked away. Max swallowed and very quickly made the decision not to tell him. Michael didn’t have much, he deserved something. If that meant he couldn’t have Liz, then so be it. It would just be the worst.

Fuck.

#malex #malex fic #echo #echo fic #michael guerin #alex manes #max evans #liz ortecho #rnm fic #my fic #whats it gonna be?

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kerikaaria · 4 years

Text

If I Never Met You: Chapter 33

(??? X Reader) Idol!AU, Manager!Reader

Genre: (PG13) Angst, fluff

WC: 2.9k

Warnings: Serious injury (NOT life-threatening)

Series Masterlist

Chapter 32 | Chapter 33 | Chapter 34

A/N - Thank you to the lovely @ditttiii for giving this a beta read for me and helping to make this chapter better! I love you!

You sat a distance behind the filming crew observing the music video being shot, Jimin snuggling close to you. You woke up way too early today in order to fit in as much filming as possible and the first scene filmed was Jimin’s, which involved a bathtub and a lot of water. Hence why he was stuck to your side, still looking for warmth even after drying off and changing into fresh clothes.

This video was by far the most ambitious one yet in the boys’ careers. The story beginning in this video and with this album had started being created almost a year ago now, and had been worked on and tweaked for the longest time until it was finally settled into what will be presented this comeback. Hardly any of you even had the story straight though – it was very interesting and really well-planned out, but also rather confusing and convoluted. It’ll be interesting to see what the fans come up with when they realize there’s a plotline to be uncovered.

“How many more days of filming do we have left?” Jimin asked, his voice muffled from where his face was tucked into your arm.

“I don’t know for sure, it depends on how well things go,” you said. “But since the majority of the outdoor scenes are done, I think it’s safe to say we’re getting close to the end.”

“I hope they don’t need me to do any more shots in that bathtub.” Jimin shivered. “It’s taking me forever to warm up.”

“It’d be quicker if you go into the dressing room where it’s warmer,” you suggested. A space heater had been turned on in the room earlier to help the boys whose scenes were less than comfortable to endure.

“Yeah, but then I wouldn’t have someone to cuddle with so that’s boring,” Jimin whined.

You smiled, letting Jimin stay where he was. Everyone here didn’t even bat an eye at Jimin being cuddly with you—it really wasn’t an unusual occurrence. Just as long as everyone stayed focused and did their work, that’s what mattered. And for you, all you needed to do for now was sit by and watch the filming take place. Rather boring on your part, really. You only needed to make sure things were going smoothly.

Yoongi’s scene finished, and he was immediately being wrapped in a blanket as he walked away from the set. In contrast to Jimin, Yoongi’s scenes involved being surrounded by fire in a burning hotel room. Being surrounded by intense heat, no matter how uncomfortable, meant that as soon as the heat was gone the drastic temperature change would make him feel incredibly cold – hence the blanket.

He walked past you and Jimin, looking like he was heading toward the dressing room.

“Hyung,” Jimin called out, “why don’t you come here? Noona is really warm to snuggle with!”

Yoongi barely glanced your way, shivering underneath the fabric wrapped around him. “No thanks, the dressing room is warmer.”

“Let me know if you need anything, Yoongi,” you yelled before he was out of earshot. He lifted his hand, hidden underneath the blanket, but it was enough of a gesture for you to know that he had heard you.

The next scene the crew was preparing to film was Taehyung’s. His scene was one of the more mature ones – most of it wouldn’t make it into the first cut of the music video being released next month. But there were plans to have a second version released with more clips to show the story which would include the bloody ones from Tae’s scene, making the video rated for adult viewers only.

In the scene, there would be two other actors portraying Taehyung’s father and sister. It was pretty intense, including a small fight scene with his character’s abusive father. Tae was a bit nervous about it, but if any of the boys could pull off this scene, it would be him. You knew he’d do well.

You wanted to watch the scene from a bit closer, much to Jimin’s displeasure, so he finally went back to the dressing room to finish warming up while you stood nearby as the crew prepped to film the next scene.

They began filming the opening of the scene where Taehyung walked through the hallway and saw his father hitting his sister through the open doorway. He grabbed one of the bottles on the nearby table and rushed in to defend his sister.

They shot the scene a few more times to make sure to get the best take, along with a few other ones to set up the scene better. After that, the camera filmed from inside the room to get a good angle of Taehyung ‘hitting’ his father on the head with the bottle after rushing into the room.

The next portion to be filmed was of the father fighting back a bit by pushing Taehyung away, before Tae rushed back at him. Everyone got ready to begin filming the scene, which was for sure going to take quite a few takes.

During the second take, the actor ended up pushing Taehyung into the standing shelving unit against the wall. Since it was all acting, he wasn’t pushed hard and he immediately assured everyone that he wasn’t hurt while the actor apologized. You approached them, double checking with Tae to make sure that he really was okay and he smiled, assuring you that he was in fact, perfectly fine.

You backed away, giving everyone room to start filming again. His reassurances did ease your mind a little, but you still watched closely as they continued. You relaxed after a few more takes went by fine, and the director announced that the next take would be the last one before moving onto the next part of the scene.

The take began, Tae mimed the action of hitting the actor over the head with the bottle. Once he recovered, the actor pushed Tae back. He ended up knocking Taehyung into the shelves again, harder than the first time.

It all happened so quickly. All you knew was that the furniture was obviously wobbling from the impact, it looked dangerously close to falling over, and Taehyung was still standing right in front of it. You didn’t even think before you pushed past the filming crew to reach for Taehyung, pulling him away from the object as quickly as you could.

In your haste, you hadn’t accounted for yourself and before you knew it the heavy furniture was making contact with your shins, forcing you to the floor. The sound that left your mouth when you felt the force of the impact was one you didn’t recognize as your own.

Your mind was reeling, still working on catching up on everything that occurred within the span of just a few seconds. It was only when the adrenaline from the situation began to wear off that you were able to feel the pain radiating from your legs. You kept your mouth closed to at least try and muffle the scream that you couldn’t hold back.

“Help me get this off of her!” you heard someone yell. Yourmind was too muddled by the pain and shock to recognize who it was.

“And where the fuck is the medic?!”

Taehyung couldn’t do anything as the events continued to unfold in front of him. One second he was acting, the next he was being roughly pulled away. Before he could even turn around to see what was going on he heard cracking sounds, and then came the godawful scream. That horrendous sound that he had never ever imagined he would hear come out of your mouth.

When he finally turned around and assessed the situation - seeing you on the floor and the shelving fallen over, having landed on your legs – Taehyung was frozen. You, his manager and friend, were hurt because of him. Because he didn’t pay attention, you jumped in and protected him. It shouldn’t be you that was hurt, it should be him.

He heard voices around him, but they sounded distant. It wasn’t until he felt someone pushing past him that he was knocked back into reality. It was Yoongi who, in his rush to reach your side, had bumped into Taehyung’s shoulder.

“Help me get this off of her!” Yoongi yelled as he stared at Taehyung, holding onto one side of the dresser.

Taehyung quickly jumped into action at his hyung’s words, gripping the opposite side.

“And where the fuck is the medic?!”

“Lift on three?” Tae asked, and Yoongi nodded. They counted in unison, using as much strength as they could to lift the heavy wood, placing it back where it belonged against the wall. Once it was safely back in place, both of them frantically kneeled on the floor on either side of you.

“Noona?” Yoongi asked gently. You seemed to be in a lot of pain, which wasn’t a surprise if the sound from earlier was any indication to how injured you were. “Noona, can you hear me?” he asked again when you didn’t reply. Taehyung slowly reached down, brushing some of your disheveled hair out of your face.

“Y-yes, I ca-an hear y-you,” you managed to say. Taehyung decided he really didn’t like hearing how pained your voice was.

Before they could say or do anything else, the medic rushed over carrying a medical bag and asked both of them to move so he could assess your injuries.

Taehyung felt like he was running on autopilot when Yoongi directed him away from the scene toward the other members. He felt familiar comforting hands and hugs and barely registered mumbled words of concern. The whole time, he couldn’t pull his eyes away from where you lay on the floor.

There has to be something I can do. I was the one who was supposed to get hurt, not her.

“Taehyung,” a voice called.

“Yah! Taehyung-ah!” it called a second time, just loud enough to pull him out of his own head. He turned to the source of the voice to see his leader looking serious. “Don’t talk like that. It’s not your fault, okay? No one was meant to get hurt in the first place, so don’t you dare go saying you should be. Got it?”

He was confused for a moment before he realized he must have spoken his thoughts out loud. “But, hyung-”

“No,” Namjoon said. He didn’t say anything else, but he didn’t need to. The look on his face said it all.

“She’s going to be okay, right?” Jimin asked shakily.

“I doubt it was anything life-threatening,” Yoongi said. “So technically, yes.”

“How bad do you think it is?” Jungkook’s voice was hardly audible.

“It’s definitely not good,” Taehyung managed to say. “I heard… I heard cracking sounds. More than one.”

“I’m not surprised,” Namjoon said. “I mean, furniture like that can be heavy in the first place, and add the fact that it was small surface areas that made contact, combined with the force of gravity and-”

“Namjoon!” Seokjin interrupted him. “You’re nervous rambling, and none of your smart brain knowledge is helping anyone feel any better. Please, just stop.”

Ashamed, Joon lowered his head. “Sorry, hyung.”

“It’s okay,” Jin comforted him, squeezing his shoulder. “I know you’re worried, just like all of us.”

“I’m going to call Sejin hyung,” Hoseok said before walking away. He tried to hide the fact that he was starting to tear up, but they all knew him too well to not notice.

In a blur that Taehyung could hardly remember, an ambulance came to take you to the hospital, Sejin came to the filming studio and the on-site medic informed him that both of your legs were broken, filming was called off for the next few days, and Sejin got all seven of the members packed up to go to the hospital. It was a unanimous decision that they couldn’t just go home after something like that, they wanted to be as close to their manager, their friend as possible

You were groggy and dizzy. As you felt yourself waking up, you tried opening your eyes but your eyelids felt really heavy. After a few moments, you managed to crack my eyes open just a little before they fell shut again. Trying a few more times, you eventually managed to get them to stay open, while your mind finished returning from wherever it had ventured off to under the effects of the anesthesia.

All you knew was that you did not like the feeling of waking up after being put under with that stuff. You hoped you would never need to do that again. As you fully woke up, you started to feel sore. You had an IV connected to your arm, which was no doubt delivering pain medication to your system, otherwise you were sure you’d be in a lot more pain. Despite the drugs, you still remembered what had happened.

You were taken to the hospital after the medic confirmed your legs were broken (something you could have told him yourself if you were capable of producing a coherent sentence at the time) and the x-rays showed that, of course, both fractures were displaced. The doctor decided it was best to do surgery to get the bones set into place properly so they could heal. Looking down at your legs, you felt relieved to see that they were able to forego any external fixtures, so at least you wouldn’t have to deal with that.

Now that you could lift my head enough to look around, you realized you weren’t alone in the room. To your right a mop of dark hair lay on your bed, a strong hand gripping onto yours loosely while its owner slept. Despite his face being turned away from you, you knew all your boys well enough to instantly recognize the figure as Taehyung.

You watched as his back slowly rose and fell with his steady breathing. Knowing him, he was probably blaming himself. You’d have to be sure to give him a good lecture about that once he was awake.

Just a few minutes later the door to the room slowly creaked open as a few of the boys wearing their masks walked in. “Oh, you’re awake,” Yoongi said quietly, trying not to disturb Taehyung.

You nodded. “Yeah.” Your voice came out hoarse. You cleared my throat a bit, hoping that would help. “I woke up just a few minutes ago.” That was a little better.

“How are you feeling?” Jin asked, coming to stand at my left side.

“Alright, I guess,” you said while Jin brushed your hair back. “I feel really sore, but I have a feeling whatever is in this IV is keeping most of the pain at bay.”

You felt Taehyung stir for a moment before he suddenly jolted awake. “Hello, sleepyhead,” you said with a light chuckle.

“Noona!” Tae stood up so quickly, you almost didn’t even see him move. “Noona, you’re awake.” His lip quivered. “I’m so sor-”

“Nope,” you interrupted him. “Don’t you dare do that. I know you’re blaming yourself, but stop it.” He looked taken aback by your interruption but didn’t say anything as you continued. “I made my own decision to jump in the middle and ended up getting hurt. I should have paid more attention to how close I was to it, so it’s not your fault.” You took in a breath, squeezing Tae’s hand with both of yours. “I’m just glad that you’re okay.”

Tae wrapped you in as much of a hug as he could with the awkward angle of you lying down and him standing next to the bed, quietly crying into your shoulder. “But I still wish you weren’t hurt.”

“It’s okay,” you assured him, stroking his hair. “I just need to heal, I’m going to be okay.”

Yoongi approached the bed, giving you a small smile. “He was really shocked,” he said. “He’s been acting almost like a zombie this whole time. I think he needs some more time to fully register it all.”

You nodded in understanding. “Is it just you three here?”

“No, everyone’s here,” Seokjin said. “We’ve been rotating in shifts. Except Taehyung, he’s been here the whole time. I can let them all know that you’re awake if you want,” he suggested.

“Yes, please,” you said. “I’m sure they’d be happy to see me conscious.” Jin nodded in agreement before leaving the room.

Yoongi moved closer now that he could, and before you realized what he was doing he placed a soft kiss on your forehead. You felt my face heat up at the gesture. You had gotten chaste kisses from some of the others, but Yoongi was never one to show his affection in that way, so it was a complete shock to you.

“We’re glad you’re okay,” he said softly. You felt Taehyung nod against your shoulder in agreement. “We’ll be with you every step of the way while you heal, noona. I promise.” He took your hand and squeezed it.

You squeezed back, smiling at your friend and leaning my head against Tae’s. You didn’t respond, but you didn’t need to. Words weren’t enough to portray what each of you wanted to say, but that was okay because you all understood each other perfectly without them anyway.

Series Masterlist

Chapter 32 | Chapter 33 | Chapter 34

Tags: @calling-dips-on-j-hope @misohime @netflix-batman-sleep @smallbaby-cat @leitholdwithlove @ramyagovindraj @leesalts @rjsmochii @overtherainbow35

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grimelords · 4 years

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So since the last time I posted one of these the entire world has changed dramatically and hopefully 4 hours of music will tide you over in quarantine for a bit longer. Strangely I’ve been busier than ever, and what started as a personal challenge to listen to a new album every day in February turned into me listening to 116 new albums in March and 124 in April. I’ve got a stacked google doc full of star ratings and dates now and it’s really been a lot of fun, I highly recommend trying it yourself. This is my March playlist, because I accidentally took a month off, and I’m thinking of either switching these playlists to weekly to make them a little more digestible or just dropping them whenever. Who knows. Let me know what you think and drop album recommendations in the comments please.

Listen here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0k1JjT8fXcUFO6VpM3kaez?si=gWSv88vdShKSnHhLJ_80pQ

If you’d like to receive these playlists in a more digestible email format, please subscribe to my tinyletter here: http://tinyletter.com/grimelords

On A Slow Boat To China - Bing Crosby & Peggy Lee: Ok first off it’s amazing this song isn’t more racist. I don't remember now how or why I came across this. I think I was just thinking about crooners and how as a genre it's now existed in common popularity as a nostalgic idyll of a mytholigised past far longer than it was ever actually popular which is interesting. The origin of this song, according to wikipedia, is also one of the most 40s ideas I've ever read: "I'd like to get you on a slow boat to China" was a well-known phrase among poker players, referring to a person who lost steadily and handsomely. The idea being that a "slow boat to China" was the longest trip one could imagine. Loesser moved the phrase to a more romantic setting, yet it eventually entered general parlance to mean anything that takes an extremely long time".

Fight Night - Migos: I saw that Offset had some new show on Quibi the extremely fake sounding streaming service and I thought "how did Migos get so world conqueringly large that they get to make 10 minute shows nobody will watch for a $2 billion venture capital funded app that will never make any money?" They seem to have this massive reputation without having much to back it up. The last thing I remember everyone talking about was how Culure II was two hours long in order to game streaming numbers and was simply not good. They seemed to have sort of settled into making background music for scrolling instagram. But then I remembered Fight Night and I thought: "oh wait, that's right, Migos are fucking great". Where their other big hits like Bad And Boujee and Walk It Talk It have this sort of laid back vibe where they've comfortably nailed the formula and relax onto it, Fight Night commands your attention. StackboyTwan killed the beat - it has this propulsive momentum where it feels like it's constantly ramping up, moving up from the sidesick and bassline in the verse, up to the claps on the beat, and the big gang chants on the offbeat once the full instrumentation kicks in - then it just goes around and around and around with the constant bassline the whole tim. It's a perfect all-rise production because it never actually explodes, it's all building tension held down by an unchanging bassline.

Do It Puritan! - El Hombre Trajeado & Sue Tompkins: I am extremely delighted to announce that Sue Tompkins of one of my all time favourite single album bands Life Without Buildings has broken a nearly 20 year musical hiatus to appear on this song by El Hombre Trajeado. It is so nice to hear how her voice has changed and her approach has stayed the same. Her style is so unique and so good and I don't think I'll ever get tired of it.

5 8 6 - New Order: Before 'the incident' I had tickets to see New Order at the end of March and so I embarked on a big listen through of their discography, which has now unfortunately made it feel even worse that live music is cancelled indefinitely.

Oom Sha La La - Haley Heynderickx: First of all I love songs where they talking about how they're writing a song halfway through. And I love songs that seem like a pretty normal singer songwriter indie thing where someone just starts screaming near the end. I love this song. A great staring at the wall and absolutely losing your mind because you haven't done anything with your whole life anthem.

Elektrobank - The Chemical Brothers: Can you believe I've never listening to a full Chemical Brothers album before this month? Can you believe big beat ever went our of style? It feels insane that we ever swapped this sort of energy for the beige algorithm of EDM. I think there's a real triumph in this album, and in this track especially of replicating the live feeling in studio. Giving it this much space to grow and change and get very hairy near the end is amazing, it feels like it was just recorded live.

My Mind's A Ship (That's Going Down) - Katie Pruitt: It feels very rare to me that this sort of extremely smooth Nashville prduction actually makes a song better. It has a habit of strangling the life out of a song and making it blend into a boring paste of soundalikes, but with Katie Pruitt it works amazingly. Her songwriting is so distinct and clear and her voice, especially near the end where it punches hole in the sky, is so strong and so her own that it doesn't need anything else.

Water - Ohmme: "What if Tegan And Sara were a noise band instead?" is a question I didn't know I needed an answer to. I love any band that has the guts to write songs like this that sound like pop from an alternate history, so off kilter and odd and noisy but with this undeniable pop heart that the duo vocals make sound like schoolyard clapping chants remixed by Lightning Bolt.

Lions, Tigers and Bears - SLIFT: A friend put me on to Slift and described them as French King Gizz and really, I'm inclined to agree. This is the traditional long last song at the end of their new album, and as usual I am advocating that every song should be the long last song at the end of the album. I love this style of jam where everyone else goes to space but the rhythm section just digs in and works hard as fuck for ten minutes. Then the whole last 3 minutes of the song are just fat drone riffs. This song's got everything.

The Pines - 070 Shake: This 070 Shake album is unbeleivably good and it warms my heart to see the dark energy of The Pines live on through another century in yet another permutation. I have more to say about it later in the Jackson C Frank version coming up but it feels like this 070 Shake album kind of came and went but I implore you to listen, it’s an aoty contender for sure.

Standing On The Verge Of Getting It On - Funkadelic: If you can stop thinking about the intro, which I certainly can’t (Hey lady won’t you be my dog and I’ll be your tree and you can pee on me.) there is so much goodness in this song. For a while now I’ve been thinking about how, for lack of a better word, ‘positive’ music is consistently underrated in the critical canon. Dance music, disco and funk especially are derided as empty sugar music, while every cookie cutter metal band absolutely demands to be taken seriously. In dance music this manifests as genres like tech house sucking all the fun and individuality out of music until it’s just an endless parade of producers working to a schematic of the barest essentials. It feels like you can’t have fun and be taken seriously at the same time, which feels like an obvious contradiction but shouldn’t be!

Spoils - Dry Cleaning: Dry Cleaning are my Lock Of The Month Band To Watch In The Future Because They’re Gonna Go Off. They have such a great sound and I’m desperate for an album because I just need more. This song absolutely knocked me down when I first heard it. I love any band where it sounds like the singer has just wandered in while the rest of them were rehearsing. There’s a very good talking-songs movement happening in the UK right now between these guys, Do Nothing and Fontaines D.C and i’m excited to see where it progresses. I might put together a playlist a little later to show you what I mean.

As - Stevie Wonder: I finally listened to Songs In The Key Of Life this month, which is an experience I would recommend to everyone. This shit goes for 21 songs over 105 minutes and absolute bangs the whole way. The original release of this album was a double LP plus a 7", which is yet another reason I am grateful for streaming that I don't have to buy a damn box set to hear this thing.

Sleep Now In The Fire - Rage Against The Machine: I am working on a very niche playlist called Songs Where The Guitar Amp Accidentally Picks Up A Nearby Radio Station For A Couple Of Seconds and it's only 3 songs so far. A Man A Plan A Canal Panama by The Fall Of Troy, Melody 4 by Tera Melos and Sleep Now In The Fire by Rage Against The Machine. In every single one of those songs it feels like a critical component even though it's just an accident that's been left in because it sounds good. Here it's the perfect ending as the rage dies down and the commercial world fades back in. Anyway, my other question about this song is about the great Michael Moore directed video where they famously shut down Wall Street for an afternoon. There's a shot of a guy for a second holding a sign that says Donald Trump For President in 1999. Which is odd but not out of the question, he's been famous for a long time and there's always been freaks. My question is why the fuck did he have that sign that day? Was he amongst the Rage Against The Machine Fans that showed up? A counter protestor? Was he, perhaps most chillingly of all, just walking idly around Wall Street with his Donald Trump For President sign like usual and stumbled upon this whole hoo-haa accidentally?

Applause (Purity Ring Remix) - Lady Gaga: Did you fucking know that Purity Ring did a remix of Applause? If there’s something I’d love to know more about and it’s Purity Ring’s forays into pop production. After their first album they did some production for rappers like Danny Brown in the great track 25 Bucks, which is a good fit really - their sound is witch house with the tempo pushed back up, witch house of course just being chopped and screwed reinvented by tumblr users. So it’s a natural fit to take that new perspective back into the world of hip hop. They also did this fantastic remix of Applause after their first album. Then, after their second album they produced 3 songs for Katy Perry’s Witness album, and one Katy Perry song for a Final Fantasy mobile game soundtrack (?) and feel like the long silence and delay between their second and third albums is because of more behind the scenes pop production work - but if that’s true, where is it? Is it, as I suspect, part of my own personal Pepe Silvia, Katy Perry’s scrapped 2019 album that has vanished into thin air? Or is it part of Chromatica? I think Purity Ring have solidified an interesting place in pop, paving the way for Billie Eilish and Kim Petras’ dark anti-pop and so i’m excited to see where they go after this new album now that they’re the architects of the new wave.

React/Revolt - Drahla: The smartest thing you can do is add a saxophone to your band. The whole first half of this song could go for 20 minutes of growling screaming saxophone post-punk and I wouldn't mind. Then when the second half of the song kicks in it's fantastic in the way this whole Drahla album is: it's tight and sprawling post-punk at the same time with a complicated structure that seems to just pile onto itself instead of ever circling back.

And I Was Like - Porridge Radio: I'm seemingly having a real thing this month for songs that open with a bizzare acapella chant. Between this and the Funkadelic one it's a genre I'm very interested in hearing more of. Isaac Newton was a virgin and it's important to recognise that. The thing I love about this song is how it's in 3 distinc sections: Isaac Newton was a virgin, she's a birthday girl in a birthday world, and mum no please it's grunge, and they all feel like the concentrated energy of a 14 year old's thoughts. She sounds like she's almost crying when she sings 'she's a birthday girl in a birthday world'. The concentrated confusing teenaged energy of this song is just overwhelming.

Dirty Mattresses - Mama's Broke: So much of contemporary 'traditional folk' either exists as pure nostalgia music or as music that's trying too hard to be 'authentic' and evoke a mythology of a bygone time, but Mama's Broke manage to make it feel new and modern but honest and authentic at the same time. The super close harmonies and modern approach remind me of House And Land who I also love, but the songwriting is in another class entirely.

Building A House - CHOPCHOP: I don't know if you've ever seen Bad Boy Bubby but CHOPCHOP feels a little like the band that he ends up joining at the end. A musical ensemble built to enable the will of a very strange man. I think the band is from the UK and I'm not sure where the singer is from, but he has this incredible deeply accented voice that brings such a gravity to everything he sings in the way that anyone speaking english as a second language accidentally brings new weight to common turns of phrase.

Universal Soldier - Jay Electronica: It feels fitting, looking back, that Jay Electronica finally released his album right before the world ended. It was literally now or never. Some how Jay-Z is the breakout star of this album for me. He's got some of his best verses in years on here and he's a great opposition to Electronica's flow when they trade verses. I would also, as an aside, like to know the origin of the kids cheering sample throughout this, because it's the same one from AM//Radio by Earl Sweatshirt and Wish You Were Gay by Billie Eilish. So what's that about.

Sticky Hulks - Thee Oh Sees: I've been very slowly getting into Oh Sees and I love them a lot so far. Their unweildy, huge discography spread across a lot of variations of the same name makes digging into them very rewarding as well. There's a great line on their wiki detailing all the times they've changed their name that goes: Orinoka Crash Suite (1997–2003), OCS (2003–2005, 2017), Orange County Sound (2005), The Ohsees (2006), The Oh Sees (2006–2008), Thee Oh Sees (2008–2017), Oh Sees (2017–2019) Osees (2019) to give you some idea of what we're working with here. Basically it's just everything you could want from a pychedelic band like this: a history and discography as shaggy as the songs themselves.

Knife On The Platter - BODEGA: In reading about Bodega I learned that they don't have a drummer in the traditional sense. They have someone credited as a 'stand up percussionist', and in listening back I realised that's they key to the groove in their music. He's not playing a kit he's just slamming at a tom and a snare on a rack, while one of the singers plays hi-hat here and there. So all the drumming has this barebones caveman feel to it and I absolutely love it. The band feels a lot like The Fashion, and that whole mid-2000s dance-punk movement that I've been desparate to come back so naturally I love it a lot.

Against Gravity - Horse Lords: Horse Lords are one of the most incredible bands I've heard in a long time. Somewhere between a more analogue Battles and Laddio Bolocko, they make a kind of churning math-jazz that sounds like huge intersecting squares of rhythm slowly overlapping. It feels like there's an infinite depth in these songs, you can listen and focus on a single instrument and see it shifting in and out of place with everyone else, before you lose it again and it retreats back into the swirling mass.

Plain To See Plainsman - Colter Wall: I've been listening to this Colter Wall album a lot, and it's really beginning to rank among my all time favourites. I grew up around the flattest place in the southern hemisphere, so I love the plains and it's very nice to have a cowboy song I can relate to like that.

The Nail - Sarah Shook & The Disarmers: Sarah Shook has so much character in her voice I completely love it. She is also a fantastic songwriter that manages to make outlaw country punk that sounds authentic and doesn't have the rockabilly posturing that a lot of the genre suffers from.

Inner Reaches 慾望的暗角二 - Gong Gong Gong 工工工: The best thing about Gong Gong Gong is you can listen to this whole song before you realise they don't have a drummer. They're a guitar and bass duo that play and sing with such a layered rhythmic intensity between the two of them that they really don't need one. A drummer would just clutter the space already taken up by their ferocious rhythm.

Country Pie - Bob Dylan: I'm a big fan of Bob Dylan's dumb songs. He has a lot where if it's the first song you ever heard from him you would be mad at whoever told you he was the greatest songwriter to ever live for trying to trick you like this. What I especially love about this song is how abruptly it ends, like dad just came home and everyone panicked cause they're know they're not supposed to be staying up that late.

You Did It Yourself - Arthur Russell: It seems hard to believe that I've only just found out about Arthur Russel. He seems to be a mainstay of Music Guy lists and somehow I've only heard of him this month. I've been obsessing over the Iowa Dream album, which is a compilation of a lot of different (mostly extremely high quality) demos from the late 70s to mid 80s and what really shines through other than the singular strength of his songwriting is how readily and easily he bends from country style folk to romantic piano ballads, to groovy post-punk like this. What I love so much about this song is it's a great lesson in songwriting: sometimes a song can just be a vague review of a middling movie and still have emotional resonance. Incredible. There's a great NPR article about Arthur Russel and the process of assembling half-takes and demos into complete recordings that you should read if you're interested. https://www.npr.org/2019/11/20/779721417/which-arthur-russell-are-we-getting-on-iowa-dream

The Dogs Outside Are Barking - Arthur Russell: I love this song because it's such a perfect distillation of a teenaged moment: trying to find a moment alone with someone when you have no freedom at all to create one. The song cycles through potential situations but leaves the problem unresolved, existing in the moment of nervous romantic tension preceding an unasked question and it's just beautiful.

Men For Miles - Ought: I love the vocal melody in the verse here so much. Spiking up unnaturally at the end of the lines like a nervous and strange version of The Strokes. Even the way he cramps his words in in the chorus is so good, switching registers randomly like he's impersonating someone else.

Mister Soweto - Lizzy Mercier Descloux: https://pitchfork.com/features/from-the-pitchfork-review/9828-lizzy-mercier-descloux-behind-the-muse/ Pitchfork has a great article about Lizzy Mercier Descloux detailing how she is continually undervalued and underappreciated. I found her though my Discover Weekly and became immediately obsessed with this album - a perfect mix of off-kilter 80s bass and brass that is so colourful and seems to move in a million directions at once like the songs can't even catch up with themselves sometimes. I'm excited to dig into her discography more and try to understand her more because she has a truly unique approach that I can't get enough of.

Sweden - Marilyn Crispell: I've been looking for a while for other pianists of Cecil Taylor's calibre, rare type that it is and I am so glad to have finally found out about Marilyn Crispell. She plays free jazz like Taylor, but in much less percussive and disonnant style. There's a New York Times quote that seems to follow her that says "Hearing Marilyn Crispell play solo piano is like monitoring an active volcano. She is one of a very few pianists who rise to the challenge of free jazz." and it's really very apt. She will move with seemingly no warning at all from mediative, colourful stokes to a mad descent unto uncertainty and beyond, then back again without a moments hesitation. Her music moves like a dream, linking a stream of unlinked images with an ease that only seems incongruous on reflection.

Twins - Gem Club: I have loved this song for a very long time and I come back to it over and over and appreciate it anew. What I appreciate about on listening to it this time is the strangeness of it's structure, following up the verse with an instrumental break, and then a long instrumental intro to the chorus gives it so much space to spread out and breathe, giving the beautiful gravity of the song even more weight. Then after the chorus it moves straight to a bridge and then the intro and first verse again. It's a fantastic song that makes it's small parts so large, where another songwriter or another producer would pare them down.

Grand Central - Paul Cauthen: Something I've learned in listening to a lot of cowboy music is that the number one thing that cowboys hate and fear is getting hanged. They hate it worse than cats hate getting sprayed with water. I found out about Paul Cauthen combing through Colter Wall's similar artists looking for more of this brand of new old fashioned country and I really found it here. Paul Cauthen comes from four generations of preachers and left the church to pursue country music instead, which feels like an extremely old fashioned position to be in here in 2020 but I guess lots of people in Texas still live like that, and thank god they do or we wouldn't have Paul Cauthen's big mournful Elvis voice to sing us songs about the railway.

Serafina - BAMBARA: I love this sort of spoken word leather jacket rock and roll. It's so extremely Cool in an old fashioned way. Like a more rock and roll version of Enablers.

So 4 Real - The Hecks: I love love love this song that sounds like a sped up Prince demo. The strange thinness of the mix and the way the vocals are buried just makes it sound so strange and great, like it was put together on some ancient 4 track recorder that can't handle the pure energy of the song.

In The Pines (Version 2) - Jackson C. Frank: There's a very good 3 hour compilation of Jackson C. Frank recordings that came out a few years called Remastered And Unreleased that I listened through the other day. It's just magnificent. This version of In The Pines is one of my favourite I've ever heard, the mournful vocals coupled with his churning rhythm guitar really brings out the darkness of it in a way I've never heard.

(Tumble) In The Wind (Version 1) - Jackson C. Frank: Another favourite from this compilation that is slightly hard to listen to. I don't know if there's a date on it but I'd guess this was recorded near the end of his life. It is so beautiful, but you can hear in his voice and breathing that he's unwell. In Horseshoe Crabs by Hopalong she sings a story from his perspective this song really seems to fit in the second half of that. "Woke from the dream and I was old / Staring at the ass crack of dawn / Walked these streets up and down / Looking for Paul Simon / All I found was myself, lost in time / I tried singing my songs / But I lost my mind"

Sludge - Squid: I'm thinking of putting together a playlist of all the great Black Midi-adjacent bands I've found out about recently and Squid is at the top of the list. This new breed of art-punk is so fantastic and goes in a million different directions. I'm just so excited it exists.

Straight Shot - Quelle Chris: I love this song and Guns is a phenomenal album but there’s one thing bothering me. The ‘who are you, what are you’ part at the end sounds so incredibly familiar to me and I can’t figure out why. As far as I can tell it’s not a sample, but googling reveals that the english voice on it is fucking James Acaster the standup comedian. So what’s going on? Quelle Chris himself is less than helpful: “Straight Shot is one of those ideas that reached out to me, we got along and I simply showed it around town. The chorus, poem at the end and basic piano progression literally came to me in two separate dreams”. Who knows. Great song though.

Levitation - Dua Lipa: What I really like about this song is that she says sugarboo. This whole album bangs and Dua is really reaping the benefits of being the only pop star with the guts to release an album while everyone’s in lockdown I also have a half-baked theory about the way this song is almost interpolating Blame It On The Boogie in the ‘moonlight, starlight’ part as a sort of aggressive takeover of Michael Jackson’s cancelled legacy. Which is smart really. The same way Taylor Swift is re-recording her albums, let’s just get The Weeknd in the studio for a couple of days and give the world back it’s bangers.

Another Crashed Car - Nine Inch Nails: I am so glad Trent Reznor put out another two volumes of Ghosts. Ghosts I-IV from 2008 seems to have been the bridge from his Nine Inch Nails work to his film score work, and now that he’s had such success with that it’s nice to hear him writing in this style without telling anyone else’s story again. It’s also interesting for him to go back to this project now that Ghosts I-IV has paid dividends in the form of the sample at the centre of Old Town Road but that’s neither here nor there. It’s hard to pick and individual track from these, because they work so effectively as long form albums and not individual tracks, but I chose this one because I put the album on as background ambient while I was doing some boring data entry at work and this track is the point at which I realised I was going out of my mind with stress from doing the simplest tasks because of Trent’s Damned Chords.

Lilacs - Waxahatchee: This is a perfect song. It makes me want to like, draw charts about it and go through it bar by bar to figure out how she did it. It’s perfectly put together. It feels like she uses every trick in the book and it just comes together flawlessly in 3 minutes. Amazing.

Cool Water - Hank Williams: I decided to properly listen to Hank Williams because his shadow stretches over so much of country music, and while a lot of his music really alienated or bored me, and a lot of his songs feel like they would read as novelty songs today (like Hey Good Looking), this is the song that made me understand why he’s so revered.

In My Bones (feat. Kimbra and Tank And The Bangas) - Jacob Collier: Jacob Collier generally irks me. He makes brain music for redditors that lose their mind when someone shows them chord inversions or odd time signatures. Youtubers whose whole personality is ‘y’all heard Giant Steps?’ But he killed it on this song. It’s great despite him. There’s still a lot of corniness to work through, mostly in the big yuck funky lyrics, but structurally it’s a kaleidoscope and a big chunk of its success I’m putting down to Kimbra and Tank who understand that performance is a bigger part of a song than composition in a way Collier maybe doesn’t yet. He can overload the bassline and stop-start the rhythms as much as he likes but without actual personalities driving it it’ll just sound like a Peter Gabriel midi played at 200%.

Earthquake - Graham Central Station: I learned something wonderful in researching this band. The leader, Larry Graham, who was in Sly And The Family Stone is credited with inventing slap bass. He himself refers to the technique as "thumpin' and pluckin' ".

Quand Les Larmes D’un Ange Font Danser La Neige - Melody’s Echo Chamber: Once again furious that I’ve known of Melody’s Echo Chamber for years but never listened to them until now. I have been missing out. This is a perfect sprawling psychedelic jam punctuated with a bizzare cut-up recording about shitting yourself when you die and being declared brain dead in the vatican. It’s got everything. I had to look up who the drummer was on this song because he’s just nailing it, and it turns out it’s Johan Holmegaard from Dungen which is really a perfect fit.

Murder Most Foul - Bob Dylan: I was thinking the other day about how Bob Dylan is doing in quarantine. The man who hasn’t stopped moving his whole life and who’s been on a never ending tour since the 70s is now, I assume, just pacing a hole in a hotel carpet somewhere and jabbering to himself. The strangest part of Bob dropping this 17 minute song about JFK out of nowhere is that he hasn’t put out any original music since 2012. So a gigantic song like this is an even bigger surprise. I, already a huge fan of gigantic songs and Bob Dylan, unsurprisingly love it. I love the slow stirring of the instrumentation, like he hired Dirty Three as a backing band and I love that nearly the entire second half is just listing good songs that he knows. It’s a remarkable song and unlike anything i’ve heard before from Dylan or anyone else. It’s interesting to hear Bob Dylan step into being the great chronicler of the 60s like he’s been told he already was his entire life almost 50 years later, finally accepting the fate foisted on him. The other thing I love about this song is the line when he for some reason praises Lee Harvey Oswald’s shooting “Greatest magic trick ever under the sun / Perfectly executed, skillfully done”

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0k1JjT8fXcUFO6VpM3kaez?si=gWSv88vdShKSnHhLJ_80pQ

#playlists

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fyeah-bangtan7 · 3 years

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RM: “I spend a lot of time thinking about where I am now”

#bangtan #rm #m:weverse magazine #o:interview #201128

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