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drabbles-mc · 3 years

Text

Let Me In

EZ Reyes x F!Reader

Request by Anon: Can I request an Ez drabble where his relatively new girlfriend slips into an episode for the first time while they've been together? Like one day she just stops responding to his texts and calls, Letty notices she hasn't posted on social media, no one has seen her around town or at the club. He goes to her house to check on her, and she explains that this is something that just happens and people trying to cheer her up just makes her feel guilty. So he offers to be a silent character in her home during her episode, basically moving into her guest room. Like he'll just help out by going grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, etc., so that he can make sure she's nourished, well stocked, and clean. I understand if this is too uncomfortable because it involves mental illness, but if you felt comfortable enough to write it, I would really like that 💜

Warnings: mentions of depression/mental illness, language, EZ being a sweetie

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: EZ being a mindful partner and caretaker is my jam. Hope you enjoy! xo

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EZ Reyes Taglist: @ly--canthrope @noz4a2 @queenbeered @sincerelyasomebody @sadeyesgf @thesandbeneathmytoes @appropriate-writers-name @tomhardydallasstarsgirl @multiyfandomgirl40 @sillygoose6969 @louisianalady @gemini0410 @chibsytelford @yourwonkywriter @sesamepancakes @mayans-sauce @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @plentyoffandoms @georgiaaintnopeach @twistnet @themoonandthewicked @garbinge @bucky-iss-bae @enjoy-the-destruction @encounterthepast @everyhowlmarksthedead @rosieposie0624 @mylittlelonelyappreciationtoo @mijop @xladymacbethx @blessedboo @holl2712 @lakamaa12 @masterlistforimagines @kkim120 @toni9 (If you want to be added let me know!)

Your phone buzzed again. When you looked down and saw EZ’s name lighting up the screen, you gnawed at the inside of your cheek before turning it back over and setting it face down on the couch next to you. For three days you had been dodging his text and his calls. As much as you hated ignoring him, what you would hate more was dragging him into the mess you felt like you were currently trapped it.

The two of you hadn’t been dating for very long. Things had been going well, and even outside of your new-found relationship with EZ, you had been doing well in general. Until one day when you woke up and started to feel yourself slipping. It’d been a while since you felt yourself spiraling downwards, and part of you figured that you were a little overdue for it, as fucked up as it sounded. You knew what you were in for, what to expect, but you didn’t want to put that on Ezekiel. Things were still so new, and so good—you didn’t want to stain that with the darkness that was swirling around inside your head. Besides, it was better for you to get through your depressive episodes alone. You couldn’t handle other people’s guilt on top of your own depression.

EZ was sat at the bar in the clubhouse, staring intently at his phone. He felt like if he looked at it long enough, your contact photo would light up the screen with a phone call. But he had no such luck. The anxious part of him worried that you had just woken up and decided to drop him and move on, but that just didn’t seem right—things had been going so well. He knew that things were still fresh with the two of you, though, and he didn’t feel comfortable just showing up and kicking your door in, especially when you had been making a point to not talk to him.

“You alright?” Letty approached him, instantly noticing the worried look on his face.

He looked up at her from the screen of his phone, “You heard from Y/N?”

She shook her head, “Not the past few days, why? She okay?”

He sighed, shaking his head, “I don’t know. She hasn’t been answering my calls or texts. Just starting to get worried.”

Letty was already scrolling on her phone to see if she had seen any posts from you the past few days on social media. But there was nothing. She looked over at EZ, “Nothing. Maybe you should go check on her. Can’t hurt.”

He nervously twisted his hands in his lap, “I don’t want to just show up like that. I don’t think we’re really there yet.”

Angel scoffed from the stool next to him, “Don’t be like that, ‘mano. If you’re worried go check on her. She hasn’t been around lately.”

EZ knew that he would never win an argument against the both of them. So with a heavy sigh he got up from his seat and made his way towards the door of the clubhouse. He texted you to tell you that he was on his way, but in his gut, he knew that the text was most likely going to go unanswered.

When he pulled into your driveway, he saw that your car was there. That at least gave him reassurance that you were home, not stranded or lost somewhere. He hung his helmet off the handlebar and made his way up to the front door. Taking a deep breath, he reached forward and knocked on your door.

You’d heard EZ’s bike long before you heard the knock at the door. You contemplated, for a fleeting moment, not answering the door. But you knew that wasn’t fair to him—none of this really was.

You unlocked and opened the door and you could instantly see the relief on his face when he saw that you were alive and in one piece. That relief, however, was brief as his features twisted into a look of concern. He saw the dark circles beneath your eyes, the hollowness in them.

“Hey,” you offered up as you stood in the doorway.

“Hey, um,” he cleared his throat, “sorry to just turn up like this. I just…I got worried.”

“Sorry,” it was hard to meet his eyes.

There were a few beats of silence before he asked, “Can I come in?”

You glanced back over your shoulder for a second. Your house wasn’t a mess or anything, but usually you took extra care to straighten up when you knew that people, especially EZ, were coming over. There was no point in hiding it now, though. It was too late to pretend that everything was normal.

You opened the door and stepped aside so that he could come in. With a deep sigh you shut and locked it behind the both of you. You stayed put by the front door, not quiet sure what EZ was going to say or do. You were surprised that he didn’t seem angrier or upset about you completely blowing him off the last few days.

“Can I ask what’s been going on?” you could tell by the look on his face that he was trying to choose his words carefully.

You gnawed at the inside of your lip for a second before walking towards the couch, motioning for him to follow you. You sat down next to him and pulled your legs up underneath you. He watched your every move, and you could see it in his eyes that he didn’t know what was wrong but he already wanted to fix it.

“I’m sorry that I’ve been blowing you off,” you sighed and ran your hands over your face, “I just, I sort of shut down sometimes. I’m used to how I operate, but I probably should’ve mentioned something about it to you.”

“About what?” he was a smart man, but he still wanted you to be able to tell him in your own words what was going on.

You fussed with the hem of your hoodie, “About my depression. There’s just, you know, never a good time to bring it up,” you let out a hollow chuckle, “Not necessarily the best ice breaker on a first date,” you shook your head, “But anyway. Some days it’s worse than others. It’s always pretty manageable, but when it gets bad I usually just shut down and stay in. I know how to handle myself and it’s easier to just get through it alone.”

“I can help,” his tone was so sincere.

You nodded, “I know you would. But people trying to cheer me up or get me to do shit just…makes it worse. I just gotta ride it out. Things always end up leveling off and going back to normal. I just don’t really have the capacity to handle human interaction.”

“I can help and also not talk to you,” he wasn’t trying to make light of your situation, but you could still see a hint of a smile playing at his lips as he made his offer.

It got you to give a small smile in return, “I’m not going to ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking,” he scooted a little closer to you, “I’ll stay out of your way. I can crash on the couch, or in the spare room. You won’t even know I’m here. I’ll be like your Alfred. Only better-looking.”

“Ezekiel,” you shook your head, “you really don’t have to—”

“But I want to,” he cut you off but his voice was still gentle, “If you really can’t stand me after a couple days then I’ll pack my shit and leave you alone until you’re feeling better. Promise.”

You sighed, not having the energy to really fight him on it. You gave a slight nod, “Okay.”

“Yea?”

You nodded, “Yea.”

You felt like there was something more that you should say but you couldn’t. Your brain felt like it was coated in a fog. Without another word about it, EZ stood up and gave you a light kiss on the top of your head before heading back out the way he came so he could go pack some clothes and things to keep at your place.

When he got back to your place, you were curled up on the couch underneath your blanket. The television was on despite the fact that you weren’t really listening to it—it just was better than complete silence. EZ toed off his boots by the door, his footsteps surprisingly soft as he made his way through your house to set his things in your spare bedroom.

You looked over at him when he came back down the hall. He looked over at you for a moment and smiled but didn’t say anything as he made his way over into the kitchen. A few seconds later you heard the sink turn on. Propping yourself up on your elbows you peeked to see what he was doing. His back was completely to you as he started to work through the dishes that had been accumulating in your sink. You watched him for a minute, and if you listened hard enough you could hear him quietly humming to himself as he did. You laid back down on the couch, letting your eyes drift shut to the sound of the television and the water running in the next room over.

Ezekiel was true to his word—he didn’t push you to do anything or speak with him. Over the course of the next few days, he kept himself busy. He went to the store, trying his best to figure out what you needed without having to ask you. He cooked for you, silently setting the plate down either on the coffee table or on your nightstand depending on where you were. Occasionally he would press his lips to the top of your head in a light kiss, but he tried never to linger.

Truthfully your house had never been so clean. You were a fairly tidy person when you were in a good space, but EZ’s dedication to cleaning your place far exceeded yours even on your best days. He refused to let himself sit idly by if there was something that he could be doing. You’d grown accustomed to the sounds of him walking through your house, going up and down your stairs to and from the basement as he did your laundry as well as his own. You knew when he was really into his tasks because he would absentmindedly hum little tunes while he busied himself.

The smell of dinner had been filling the house for what seemed like ages. You had strolled through the kitchen a couple times, disguising your curiosity by making it seem like you just wanted to get yourself a bottle of water. EZ was so engrossed in his cooking process that he didn’t even notice. Before this point, you never really thought about if he could cook, but apparently, he could and he was very good at it.

You were sat on the couch, scrolling trying to find something to put on the TV that piqued your interest. EZ came over and set a plate down in front of you. You looked up at him, offering up a quiet thank you. He nodded in response and turned around to go to his room.

“EZ,” you called after him. You waited for him to stop and turn to you, “There something you wanna watch?” you held the controller out to him

He raised his eyebrows, unable to pretend that he wasn’t a little surprised at the gesture, “Yea?”

You nodded, “All the titles are starting to look the same to me.”

He chuckled as he sat down, taking the controller from you, “I get it.”

You watched him as he scrolled through the titles in front of him. His brows furrowed as he read through one show synopsis after another. Despite how heavy everything had felt lately, there was something reassuring about the position you currently found yourself in. Even though you hadn’t wanted him to stay, to see you like this, you had to admit that it was nice to finally have someone around who knew how to have your back when you were going through it. He knew how to be there and not suffocate you.

“Thank you,” you said as you started to pick away at your dinner.

He chuckled, “Picking a show isn’t that hard. Don’t need to thank me.”

You smiled and shook your head, “Thank you for staying with me. I know it’s not exactly exciting but it’s…I kind of like you being here.”

“Kind of?” he playfully nudged your knee with his own.

“Keeping you humble. I’m not that out of it.”

He laughed for a moment before his expression grew a little more serious, “Thank you for letting me stay. I know that wasn’t easy.”

You nodded slowly, “Yea. But, y’know, it was nice for the guest room to finally get some use.”

One end of his mouth curled up in a smirk, “I might show up and stay there uninvited all the time.”

You shook your head, biting back a smile. It’d been a long few days, and it wasn’t over yet. But for a few minutes you got to feel a little lighter and that was a feeling you wanted to hold onto while you had it. You watched EZ out of the corner of your eye as he focused on the television. You weren’t much for company but there was something comforting about his presence. Even if you didn’t want to admit it, you were glad that he’d shown up on your doorstep.

#mayans mc #mayansmc #mayans fx #mayans mc imagine #ez reyes #ezekiel reyes #ez reyes x you #ez reyes x reader #ezekiel reyes imagine #ezekiel reyes x reader #ezekiel reyes fanfic #my writing #fanfiction #drabblesmc

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dearly · 3 years

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Pete Wentz (6:39:20 PM): Hey Ryan Ross (6:39:39 PM): hey Pete Wentz (6:40:09 PM): Is this the guy fro poanic at the disco Ryan Ross (6:40:23 PM): yeah im ryan, is this pete? Pete Wentz (6:41:12 PM): Yeah Ryan Ross (6:41:18 PM): hey man Pete Wentz (6:42:37 PM): How arer you Ryan Ross (6:43:17 PM): im not bad, working on a paper for english. hows everything with the new record? Pete Wentz (6:44:37 PM): Going really well Pete Wentz (6:45:04 PM): How's everything wiht your band are those just remixes Ryan Ross (6:46:01 PM): awesome, yeah we only did those on my laptop because we cant get into a studio yet. but we still have alot of those parts live and full band Pete Wentz (6:46:25 PM): Does it have samples like that Pete Wentz (6:46:42 PM): How many people are in the band.... Are you guys all in hicghschool Ryan Ross (6:47:20 PM): do you mean do we use a sampler? our drummer uses a drum sampler which we put some of the stuff on, and he plays some of it Ryan Ross (6:47:43 PM): im in college. im 18 the other three of them are 17 and in high school Pete Wentz (6:48:26 PM): Like of the pure volume site songs what would not be part of your live show Ryan Ross (6:50:18 PM): well right now the synth stuff because we need a keyboard player. we are trying out a few guys soon though. and some of the drum parts are different. Pete Wentz (6:50:48 PM): I absolutely love the stuff Ryan Ross (6:52:16 PM): but we have two guitar players one sings and i play lead. its kind of hard to describe it. we are a rock band but about half of a song will be dance-ish or sort of 80s sounding Ryan Ross (6:52:28 PM): really? wow thanks alot man Ryan Ross (6:53:12 PM): it really is a huge compliment coming from you Ryan Ross (6:53:35 PM): i was actually really suprised you listened to it Ryan Ross (6:53:40 PM): i didnt expect you to see it Pete Wentz (6:54:00 PM): Is there some pics of you guys anywhere Ryan Ross (6:55:10 PM): no, we are taking them pretty soon for the website, its just not done yet. i have some just of me on livejournal. but thats wierd haha Pete Wentz (6:56:09 PM): Yeah fuck get some to me Pete Wentz (6:56:19 PM): I think I may come see you in californaia Ryan Ross (6:56:44 PM): really? Ryan Ross (6:57:08 PM): that would be awesome Pete Wentz (6:57:46 PM): I've been listeneing to those songs nonstop. Is the band a side thing or is it gonna be fulltime? Ryan Ross (6:58:20 PM): no its full time Ryan Ross (6:59:24 PM): well aside from school. which sucks Ryan Ross (6:59:32 PM): but we want to do this Pete Wentz (7:00:00 PM): When are those kids out of school Ryan Ross (7:00:26 PM): the drummer and bass player are graduating early. so like january and other guitarist/singer graduates in the spring Pete Wentz (7:01:16 PM): Nice Pete Wentz (7:01:23 PM): Do you know about my label Ryan Ross (7:01:46 PM): yeah i think i saw something a while ago on a journal entry, is gym class heroes the only band on it right now? Pete Wentz (7:03:10 PM): Yeah. I signed the academy. But they are fbr strictly gym class and I am looking for another Pete Wentz (7:03:33 PM): The cool thing about it is I just met with waner and they want both of the bands and to give me an imprint Ryan Ross (7:03:55 PM): oh cool i like the academy alot, oh i see yea i was going to ask you about that Pete Wentz (7:04:03 PM): Which pretty much means a lot more money to promote cool artists Pete Wentz (7:04:14 PM): You guys plays out a lot? Ryan Ross (7:04:39 PM): thats awesome man. actually no we just kind of started this thing up a few months ago, the show in victorville is going to be our first one Pete Wentz (7:05:51 PM): Really Pete Wentz (7:05:56 PM): Interesting Pete Wentz (7:06:11 PM): How much do you guys practice Ryan Ross (7:06:45 PM): we've been trying to figure out the best way to do this stuff live, and we've been having a hard time on figuring out how to make it sound good. depending on the place we might not be able to use all the electronic stuff that we want to do which sucks but alot of venues, at least here might have a hard time setting us up. we practice at

least 4 times a week so like. between 24-30 hours a week Pete Wentz (7:07:09 PM): Nice Pete Wentz (7:07:21 PM): I am gonna come to the show Ryan Ross (7:08:13 PM): we wish we could more often. but school is getting in the way. and it sucks cause parents think its a waste of time playing music and want me to focus on school. im sure you know how that is. Ryan Ross (7:08:23 PM): thanks alot man really Pete Wentz (7:08:55 PM): I do Pete Wentz (7:09:05 PM): What are peoples reactions to it Ryan Ross (7:10:04 PM): some good some bad. everyone is so into post hardcore stuff these days that some kids just brush it off. which is fine but then some kids like it cause its a little different i guess Pete Wentz (7:11:30 PM): Can that kid sing live? Ryan Ross (7:12:54 PM): yeah, he's been taking voice lessons for a little bit so thats starting to help him Pete Wentz (7:13:19 PM): Is he on? I mean on here he sounds awesome Ryan Ross (7:14:21 PM): yeah he's on pitch, we recorded that stuff with like a 100 dollar vocal mic. the only effects we used was pretty much reverb on the main parts. Pete Wentz (7:14:42 PM): Yeah sounds good kind of like patrick Pete Wentz (7:14:47 PM): I like it Ryan Ross (7:16:57 PM): yeah thats the only thing we get that alot. and thats just how the kid sings. we like your band but we dont want to sound like you guys, or be compared to fob all the time you know? but yeah he is aware that kids say he sounds like patrick so he's just trying different vocal stuff sometimes. Pete Wentz (7:19:06 PM): Here's the thing if I show you guys interest a lot of crappy labels are gonna come and do the same and I don't want a huge mess out there. I mean how interested are you guys in going fulltime when you can Pete Wentz (7:19:19 PM): Yeah you'll get eh patrock thing but how many people. Sound like hime Ryan Ross (7:19:47 PM): so you really think we've got potential then? Pete Wentz (7:19:54 PM): I do Ryan Ross (7:20:05 PM): i've wanted to play in a band for my job ever since i started high school at least. Ryan Ross (7:20:07 PM): we all want to do this Ryan Ross (7:21:05 PM): its like i cant put enough dedication into anything exept playing guitar and writing Pete Wentz (7:23:01 PM): I'm with you Ryan Ross (7:24:05 PM): but yeah. i cant see myself doing anything else but playing in a band, cause every job i've ever had ive hated it Pete Wentz (7:24:57 PM): You don't have a picture of the band Ryan Ross (7:25:44 PM): no, but if you need it i could have my buddy take some tomorrow at practice Pete Wentz (7:26:58 PM): That would be rad Ryan Ross (7:27:37 PM): okay we'll take some Ryan Ross (7:28:08 PM): are you online much? Pete Wentz (7:33:12 PM): Sometimes Ryan Ross (7:33:35 PM): okay, i was just wondering if this was your email incase you arent on i'll just send them Pete Wentz (7:34:17 PM): Yeah send it here for sure Ryan Ross (7:34:36 PM): okay Ryan Ross (7:34:55 PM): dude this better not be a joke, it better be you Pete Wentz (7:35:12 PM): It is Pete Wentz (7:35:34 PM): But there are a lot of fakers out there Ryan Ross (7:35:55 PM): okay. yeah i know someone has shown me like fake journals of you and stuff. thats creepy Ryan Ross (7:36:10 PM): thats why i asked if it was you for sure Pete Wentz (7:36:32 PM): This guy who is iming me is your manager Ryan Ross (7:37:03 PM): is it xxxtoughffxxx ? Pete Wentz (7:37:22 PM): Yeah Ryan Ross (7:37:38 PM): i dont know if he's our manager. he's our friend, he's been helping us out with a website, merch and the show in victorville Ryan Ross (7:38:35 PM): he's starting a company up and he wants to help us out Pete Wentz (7:43:04 PM): Ah I got t Pete Wentz (7:43:32 PM): It Pete Wentz (7:43:37 PM): You guys are awesome and if its what I think it is I want ti to be thenext academy Ryan Ross (7:44:58 PM): wow thanks alot. i hope you like the stuff live, its not completely different but it is different. i mean the singing is the same and all that. Pete Wentz (7:47:46 PM): cool Pete Wentz (7:48:06 PM): You guys look good. The chicks gonna be swooning? Ryan Ross (7:48:38 PM): once we get

a keyboard player who can do all of the sampling we want to do it will be alot better too. its like we know how we want to sound, but just finding the right way to do it i guess is what we are working on. Ryan Ross (7:48:40 PM): hahaha Ryan Ross (7:48:51 PM): i dont know man, we look alright i guess Ryan Ross (7:48:57 PM): we look young Pete Wentz (7:49:42 PM): Youngs not abd at all Pete Wentz (7:49:47 PM): How does the singiner look Ryan Ross (7:50:05 PM): dead sexy. Ryan Ross (7:50:41 PM): he's no pete wentz. but still Pete Wentz (7:51:42 PM): Hahaha Pete Wentz (7:51:54 PM): Goddamn as long as he looks cool.singing Pete Wentz (7:52:14 PM): For sure send me pics and all how many songs you guys have? Ryan Ross (7:52:39 PM): haha Ryan Ross (7:53:00 PM): kk Ryan Ross (7:53:54 PM): we've only got 4 right now, its been tough to write since school started and everyone's busier. and those are the first 4 songs we've written as a band. at the show we'll play those and a cover of new order maybe. or depeche mode. we dont know yet Pete Wentz (7:56:08 PM): Nice Pete Wentz (7:56:21 PM): I gotta run Pete Wentz (7:56:32 PM): But ill hit you on here later Pete Wentz (7:56:38 PM): Send me those pics and write the hits Ryan Ross (7:56:43 PM): okay dude. good talking to you Pete Wentz (7:56:43 PM): Peaaaaaace Ryan Ross (7:56:44 PM): hahaha Ryan Ross (7:56:47 PM): later man Pete Wentz is away from the computer as of 7:56:51 PM. Auto response from Pete Wentz: Igot99problems Pete Wentz is back at the computer as of 10:05:48 PM. Pete Wentz is away from the computer as of 10:06:23 PM.

#pete wentz #ryan ross #brendon urie #i just don't trust shit not being deleted anymore don't mind me #reference #bandom #long post #panic at the disco

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missdrarrydawn · 3 years

Note

This blog is why we need post-birth abortion rights for women. Your mother would have made the right choice.

yes wow darling very smart you sound incredibly intelligent for sending this yes yes quite an outstanding achievement you got there, amazingly brave too, yes such courage to go on anon and insult people, wow i applaud your bravery truly

my blog is a HP blog with ocassional diverse content, you're getting mad at a joke post that's probably 4-5 days old by now (i'm not sure about this exactly as i lose track of time easily) that described a real medically documented experience a lot of trans women have been observed to go through as their transition and therapy continues which i said is similar to a period of a cisgender woman because of the very real similarities between the two processes

i very clearly stated twice that they are biologically different but still similar enough to warrant validation

i support trans women and i always have and i always will, they are real women just as much as i am. i also understand, unlike most of you getting mad in the notes of the post, that women are not walking talking uteruses and i do not reduce nor define women by that one thing alone because that would be ridiculous and hurtful, since there is more to being a woman than just having a uterus

i don't really see why everyone is so upset (transphobes gonna transphobe i suppose) that i called a trans woman's cycle period like or a pseudo period, when that is the most accurate term that exists for that process as of right now.

what else would you call hormonal fluctuations of estrogen and progesterone (because guess what? trans women do in fact receive estrogen and progesterone injections as part of feminizing hormone therapy) and other symptoms (abdominal cramping, headaches, acne breakouts, hot flashes, dizziness, mood swings, pain, nausea etc.) happening every 5 weeks and lasting for 6-7 days? that's right, everyone would call that a period, it's just the most accurate way to describe the process.

trans women can not menstruate, they can not bleed because they do not have a uterus (something i very explicitly stated in my post explaining my point but transphobes can't read apparently) but, like I said in my original post, the bleeding is honestly the least important byproduct of a period, or better yet, the entire cycle, because it is just that - a byproduct, a consequence of the uterine lining shedding. it is not the one defining staple of a cycle, a lot of cis women don't menstruate but you don't go around calling them fake so. the bleeding is not the goal of a monthly cycle, it is not the end result your body wants to reach (the end result would ideally be pregnancy), just a consequence of the process, and i argue it is the least important part of it, its nothing more than another symptom, just like the cramps and pain are

do you want to know what your entire argument sounds like? let me demonstrate:

person A comes in with a fever, a sore throat and a runny nose. their doctor tells them they have a cold.

person B comes in with a fever and a sore throat but no runny nose. their doctor tells them they're faking their cold and should stop pretending to have a cold because it is insensitive to people who have real colds since person B hasn't presented every single typical byproduct and symptom having a cold produces unlike person A did

yea? isn't that ridiculous? that's exactly what you sound like

'trans women experience every other symptom of a period i do, on a monthly basis like i do, lasting about a week, like mine do, but they don't experience this one specific symptom that i typically do which is bleeding therefore they're fake'

obviously the cycle of a trans women isn't going to be the same as the cycle of a cis woman, i have not once contested that nor have i equated the two, what i have done however, is defend the fact a lot of trans women do in fact experience their own form of a monthly cycle that actually presents all the symptoms of PMS (if we're going to be super picky about it) and I've stated that there is nothing wrong with a trans woman calling her own cycle a period, even if she does not experience the bleeding.

you all are just incredibly transphobic (i checked out some of the blogs replying and found them to be terfs, ew) and i don't want to cross into your territory any more than i've already ended up doing, and i will not be responding to any of your notes or anon messages anymore because i've moved on from that post and you should too, because it is obvious you will never understand what i'm trying to say and i will never understand the hatred you spew

it is telling though that terfs and transphobes came across my post which was in the 'pro trans' tag, i assume while casually browsing there for people to start fights with? very telling indeed.

i will be a doctor by the end of the year and i do not have time to argue with transphobes online over matters of trans health they know nothing about (my knowledge is far from perfect either because i am not transgender but i have listened to trans people and read about what transitions can be like because i wanted to learn and feel comfortable stating what i have). ive seen y'all constantly talk about indigestion and diarrhea which have absolutely nothing to do with the matter at hand and seen some people bring up endometriosis which also has nothing to do with the matter at hand, no one is talking about disordered periods or other health conditions, we're talking about just the regular period of a healthy person

people have asked me to provide proof i'm attending medical school which i don't think i can provide without giving out my personal information which i am not inclined to do to strangers on the internet and a lot of people didn't believe me but honestly that is not my problem

i know who i am and what i stand for and the thing i said is a true factual experience that many trans women go through as their transition continues and calling that cycle they experience a period hurts no one and only helps trans communities

of course terfs and transphobes don't care about that, which is why i urge everyone to go their separate ways. i do not want your transphobia on my posts and you don't want my activism on yours so if you're itching to comment and get pissy with me or send me anons, kindly don't because i truly couldn't care less about your opinion on matters you know nothing about and don't care to learn about either

coming from one cis woman to another, just scroll past me and any of my posts from now on and i'll do the same for you so that we may never have to interact again in any way shape or form

i'm closing my end of the discourse of the post right here with this and i stand by what i said. i believe you are wrong for invalidating the experiences of trans women and transphobic for wishing ill upon the trans community in general and i do not wish to ever associate with any of you ever again

i have said my peace

goodbye

(if any trans woman or trans person in general wishes to correct anything wrong i stated here please feel free to do so, because i am cisgender and you will of course know more about your transition and experiences than me no matter how much reading i do :)) remember you are valid and loved and pls stay safe <33)

#pro trans #positive trans #again i reiterate #PRO TRANS #THIS IS A PRO TRANS BLOG #A SAFE SPACE FOR TRANS PEOPLE #trans health #trans women are real and valid #i am not having this argument anymore #i don't like fighting and i don't care what transphobic women have to say #trans support #this cisgender women stands with the trans communities

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floatinginwords · 3 years

Text

Saved by the Devil (12/?) - Tommy Shelby

Summary: One week before Epsom you or tommy can get your minds off one another

Paring: Tommy Shelby x fem!reader (romantic)

A/N: sorry it took so long for me to post this chapter. this semester is just killing me. i really hate online school dude. oh and fair warning i did not proof read this so there might be mistakes please be forgiving towards them. Hope you enjoy and have a fantastic night.

One week before Epsom. A lot was going through your head as time seem to go faster and faster. Tommy hadn’t called you or seen you since you were last in Birmingham.

‘Probably busy with May’ you thought to yourself. You rolled your eyes as you recount her giggles and flirtatious behavior.

“What was that?” Trinity asks. You almost forgot she was in the same room as you. You almost forgot you were in her house. Giving her the last of what you needed for when you were ready to runaway from the country.

“Sorry, just thinking.” You say, going back to sipping your tea.

“Okay, is there anything else I need to worry about or hide for you.”

“Well hopefully I wont need to have so many fake ids, and I can get a legitimate one.” You say sighing.

“Hows that going?”

“Its going.” You say, though you weren’t really sure if helping Thomas Shelby ensured you for what you wanted. Its why you had a backup plan. You always did.

“When are you leaving, (Y/n)?” Trinty asks.

“next Friday hopefully.”

Trinitys eyes almost pop out of their socket. “That soon?!”

You nod. Right after Epsom you were gone. You needed to make quick moves and this one seemed the quickest and smartest. You were starting to recognize faces on trains and buses. Men were following you. You didn’t know who these men were and why they casually followed you places but it helped you make an important decision that it was time to leave. And soon.

“What are you gonna do about Thomas Shelby?”

“What about him?”

She wiggles her eyebrows at you.

“No.” You say.

“oh cmon, you want him a little bit at least.”

“Not even.” You lie.

“Oh cmon he calls you and you rush to him like a puppy and vice versa. Ada told me that when she called him when you were missing he dropped everything to help you, even rushed over himself.” She says

“Trinity please drop it. Hes just someone good to have around.”

“Yea he is.” She says suggestively.

“No.” You say but the two of you end up giggling at Trinity’s antics as you enjoy the rest of your afternoon.

Thomas Shelby stares across at the empty seat that not too long ago held a sitting Grace. It felt like years since he had seen her. And he thought that the same emotions from before, from every other time he saw her would brew back up and he’d be in love with her again. But as she talked about America and her new husband all he could see was the woman who betrayed him and his family. She left, nothing happened between them, though it easily could have. He sits and thinks about the woman in his life. He thinks about Greta how he held her hand as he died, Grace the way she had made him smile for the first time in years and then broke hi heart as if it was the first time ever, May who was charming but he knew he would never talk to her after (seeing as he was only using her). And there was you. No amount of words can describe you accurately. They wouldn’t do you justice. Tommy smiles as he recalls the last time he saw you. The flustered look as he said the word ‘date’ as you left the pub. Polly had demanded answers on what he was doing with you. Which he calmly replied, “Business pol, don’t worry about it.” He saw the tension between the two of you when he had walked in. He knew that polly would grow to love and trust you the more she got to know you. You were just that type of person.

Without thinking he picks up the phone, calling adas house. Lucky for him, its you that picks up.

“hello?”

“(Y/n).”

“Mr.Shelby. Are you calling for Ada?”

“No, I was calling for you. How do you feel about Charlie Chaplin?”

*******************************************************************************************

It was only two hours ago when you had gotten back from Trinitys when the phone rang in you and Adas shared house. You picked up naturally not expecting to hear the sweet deep voice of Thomas Shelby. He had invited you out, which you accepted without thinking. He had picked you up in a car after telling you to dress nice which you did finding a dress you never worn. It was a lovely shade of green. A pity for it to go waste.

You kept telling yourself its just business as you applied a bit of lipstick to your lips. Its just business you think as you rush down the stairs when you see his car pull up in front. Its just business you think as you open the door and see him standing there looking amazing.

“You look exquisite.” He says And a thought sneaks up through the cracks of your mind, ‘its not just business.’

When the two of you arrive at the party, the two of you have a grand time as you mingle with famous people and eat little appetizers on plates. You ignore the drinks and the bar not wanting to get drunk.

“Would you care for a dance?” He asks you. The two of you were sat at a table when a slow song comes on and all the couples rush to the floor.

“I’m afraid to say that I’m not much of a dancer.” You say embarrassed by your lack of skill.

“Im sure we can remedy that with some practice.” He smiles, taking your hand and leading you away. And you cant help but follow entranced by the way he guides you and holds you gently. The music is lovely and awfully romantic. You look everywhere else but his eyes. Knowing that you’d just end up lost within them. You watch the couples dancing, wondering which ones were in love or not. You stumble a bit as you attempt to not step on his toes. You do a good job at following his lead although you’re incredibly stiff.

“Hey, are you okay?” Thomas voice breaks you from your thoughts. You lock eyes a time seems to stop. For a moment you think he’s gonna kiss you.

He continues speaking, “C’mon lets get out of here.”

The two of you head back to tommys, the silence comfortable. Though you didn’t have anything to drink, you feel drunk off his presence. You wish now that you have talked to Trinity or Ada about your conflicting feelings because at this moment as you sit down again on his couch you had no idea how to act.

“So Epsom…are you ready?” He says

“As ready as ill ever be.”

“You’ll be there right?”

“Of course. I said I would.”

Another smile falls on to his face as he moves to his vinyl, playing a record that was on it. He holds hi hand out again like at the party.

“What are you doing?” You ask

“Asking to dance, do you not want the practice.”

You smirk and grab his hand. He pulls you in closer than before. His hand resting on your hip and his other hand intertwined with your hand. Again you try to look away from him but then fingers guide your chin to his eyes.

“Keep your eyes on me.” He says.

And you do. And for a moment you feel this gravitational pull. You see him lean forward; you close your eyes. And then…

RING the phone rings terribly through the apartment,

“Fuck,” he mutters the edge of his lips barely brushing over yours, he leans back, “stay right here.” He leaves to pick up the phone.

You take a deep shaky breath as he leave you standing by yourself. You hear him pick up the phone and quietly talk into the receiver end of it. You sit down on the couch replaying what just happened in your head. Your heart beats fast against your skin and you know no doubt that your flustered as can be. You sit to catch your breath and hopefully steady your beating heart.

Two small knocks on the door. You think to get Tommy but he sounds aggravated you decide to not bother him. You open the door yourself revealing a beautiful blond woman. You blink confused of what she could want, she looks at you equally confused.

“Hi is tommy here,” her Irish accent is clear as day, “You know what never mind that I just need to get something real quick.”

She pushes pass you and goes immediately to the couch digging her hand through the cushions. She pulls out a ring and sighs in relief.

“Imagine going home without this.” She says to you.

“Im sorry I-“ You finally find the words to speak but she interrupts you.

“Its okay he probably didn’t tell you. Im grace. I was here a couple hours ago. he’s always been one to move on fast.” She says with a tone of disapproval as she looks up and down at you.

“Did you meet Chaplin? Hes one of my favorite actors.” Grace continues.

You feel scrutinized under her gaze. She walks past you with a smile. She knows her words cut you deep even if you don’t show it.

“Tell Tommy I said bye. Enjoy your time.” And then she’s gone.

You stand in the same spot by the door. You finally met grace. The one he was with a year ago. The one he named his horse after, the one he kept unopened letters, the one he didn’t like talking about. She was here and she was beautiful. Were you just a second choice for him? And easy get since he couldn’t have what he wanted?

“(y/n) why are you standing by the door?” you hear tommys voice from behind you.

“I think I should go home,” Before he can ask why, you answer that question, “Grace came by.”

“(y/n)..”

“No this is good before we do something stupid, right?” You say trying to laugh it off, though on the inside your hurting.

“Lets talk about this..”

“Mr. Shelby we’re both drunk and not thinking clearly”

“You haven’t been drinking all night and I’m as sober as I’ve ever been.”

You shake your head, “Why did you bring me out tonight? Was it cause she said no?”

“I-I” For the first time Thomas Shelby was at a loss for words.

You sigh, “Ill see you at Epsom, Mr.Shelby”

And then you left.

Read pt.13

Tags

@babylooneytoonz @captivatedbycillianmurphy @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @evelyn-4034 @ms-dont-care @owenniasstars @shikin83 @lauren-raines-x

#tommy shelby x reader #Tommy Shelby #Peaky Blinders #peaky blinder fanfic #Saved by the devil fic #fanfic

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thisfckinsucks · 3 years

Text

would i be friends with these percy jackson characters in school (pretend most of them r the same age pls)

percy: no, bc i feel like i’d b like “i hate my mom” or say “i hate women” mockingly to a friend right after arguing with a bigot in history class abt equal rights and he’d overhear me and be like “u shouldnt say that :/ she probably worked very hard for u n women deserve to have the same rights as everyone else” and i’d stand there n b like homie ik i was making fun of the guy and i literally do not have a good relationship with my mom but he’d go on n on about it. i’d purposefully avoid him for like a week after until he forgets abt it

annabeth: i think i’d try and bite her and she’d try to bite me back during gym class, but we’d partner up in math bc she has a hard time with algebra, so i’d help her n she does the same for me in geometry. other than that we dont talk much but we do have each other on our private stories bc she thinks im funny and i think she tells weird stories and the tiktoks she posts on there are good

jason: yes, i’d follow him around during gym class, run the mile with him, and partner up with him in every group project. i’d never go to his house n he’d never come to mine though. everyday i’d probably walk over to his lunch table and give him something i bought from 7-11 and he’d give me his least favourite part of his lunch that i enjoy. i’d also text him like “hey what do we do for this project” n he’d say it was due 4 weeks ago but tell me what to do anyways

piper: no, but i’d admire her from afar. shed steal a car or get suspended for a few days, come back, and i’d b like “shes so cool i wish i was her friend”, but i’d never actually talk to her and everytime id go to jasons table shed be laughing at a joke leo said and i’d be like wow i love her outfit shes so cool and then go back to my table without saying anything to her lol

leo: yes, he’d be the annoying kid who moans in the back of class and i’d laugh every single time. we’d probably walk to and from lunch together and he’d say “watch me hit this door frame!” and i’d stand there and watch him hit it and then i’d b like “ok ok my turn watch me do a cartwheel!” and do it and we’d both laugh and get in trouble for being loud in the hallways

hazel: i feel like she’d be on the student council. i’d get put in the student council room for study hall bc my teachers thought i’d like it and i’d be like i literaly dont want to do this. she’d try and convince me to stay and join student council but i’d sit there like :| also i’d follow her on all social media platforms because i think shes nice and i think shes talented at drawing but i’d still be a little bit ticked off abt the student council thing

frank: tbh i wouldnt know he exists :/ i’d recognise him from when hazel tried to get me to join student council and i’d see him around, but we wouldnt have any classes together and i wouldnt know his name

nico: we would have the same study hall. i’d see him in the corner and think he looks cool and then id try to follow him around and he’d just let me. i’d talk ALOT and he’d just sit there and listen even though he has no clue what im saying. we’d eat lunch together because on this block he doesnt have lunch with will and he knows ill listen to him when he talks shit abt the ppl he doesnt like and i’d b like yea same we r like the same person n laugh and he’d smile and then ask abt what episode im watching on an anime we both like

reyna: no, bc i scribbled something on her paper once bc i thought it’d b funny if she came back to the desks to see squidward on her paper. she came back said what the hell and i was like lol :p and when we had to rate our deskmates she gave me a 4/10 for distracting everyone during work times and generally being annoying to her

thalia: yea, we’d bond over music taste and she’d take me to concerts. she probably gave me weed once and said to be careful with it. she’d act like a big sister to me and i’d cry at her graduation and make her promise to text me

grover: popular girls would call him their bestfriend but bully him behind his back. percy confronted them abt it once and i saw it n went damn im not going to touch that with a ten foot pole bc i think grovers nice plus he helps me in class but also hes percys bestfriend and i do Not want to step between those two

clarisse: we wouldnt be close friends, but i’d definitely get along with her. we’d probably hangout after school and just talk shit abt the ppl we dont like and i’d probably accidentally give her ideas for pranks

will solace: i definitely saw him while he was at a club n went wow hes pretty. i probably even had a little crush on him until one day at lunch when nico mentions his boyfriend will and im like wait a minute. from there on out i tease him and see him as a little brother tho

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fanfic-collection · 4 years

Text

Loki x Reader: Quarantine

Please comment

‘And this is Captain America, signing off, reminding everyone once again, stay safe, stay strong, and stay true to America. Please, buy only what is necessary, if you’re quarantined, stay home for the assigned days, get a lot of rest if you’re sick, take the necessary precautions, and we’ll get through this, we always do.’ Steve smiled, saluting the camera on his laptop then looked at Bucky.

Bucky gave a tired thumbs up.

'Signing off, I’ll see you all tomorrow.’ Steve clicked the end transmission button and the feed ended. 'That was really good Bucky, I really think we’re making a difference, I hope we can keep people calm in this trying times.’

Bucky raised his eyebrow and leaned back in the seat groaning as he covered his face, 'Are you seriously going to drag me through these podcasts every day?’

Steve stood up and stretched, 'Until the quarantine ends, it’s the least we can do for the public, so yes, yes I am.’

You snorted into your vitamin enhanced energy drink, watching the two super soldiers across the counter.

'Don’t start.’ Bucky muttered, looking at you, raising a warning finger.

You set down your glass and held up your hands defensively, 'Not a word.’

'It’s day two and I’m stir crazy already.’ Bucky groaned, running his hand through his hair as he stood up and began to pace.

The big screen turned on and Tony appeared, poolside with a margarita in hand, shades halfway down his nose as he squinted at his phone to see the three of you in the kitchen. 'Cap! Other soldier, teddy bear.’

'Why does he call you teddy bear again?’ Bucky asked, glancing at you.

You sighed and shook your head. The automatic kitchen doors slid open and the two norse gods walked, mid conversation, stopping only when they saw Tony on the monitor.

'Oh excellent,’ Tony continued, 'thunder bros, anyways, Steve, loved the pep talk, my stocks stopped their nose dive, they’re still dropping but not nearly as bad, I heard one of the local grocery stores even had toilet paper on the shelf too.’

Steve rolled his eyes, 'What do you want, Stark?’

'Can’t I check in? One quarantinee to another?’

'You’re pool side in Malibu.’ Bucky grumbled.

'And you’re in Stark tower with tons of friends in New York, your point?’

'Tony? Lunch’s almost done!’ You heard Pepper call from somewhere within the house.

'Yea just a second honey.’ Tony grinned, 'Quarantine is awesome, am I right?’

Thor grumbled, 'I don’t see why I have to be stuck in this building.’

'Thor, we’ve told you countless times, people are worried you could transmit the disease.’ Steve replied.

'No Midgardian illness is a match for me.’ Thor replied, fist on his chest.

Loki rolled his eyes, 'And yet, the disease may cling to you and travel to the mortals, brother. How our physiology is compatible to theirs is unknown, must we go through this again?’

You made eye contact with Loki and smiled softly.

Loki’s irritation seemed to fade somewhat and a faint smile touched the corner of his mouth before he turned his attention back to Thor, folding his arms.

'So are you guys going to have a party then?’ Tony asked, 'Wait, where’s Hawkeye? Two of you are missing.’

'Hawkeye and Nat are around.’ You replied. 'Nat was taking a nap last I knew and Clint’s… lurking.’

Tony shook his head before abruptly touching his phone, 'yes, what is it? Kid, I told you to only call in emergencies. What, wait, say that slower. You’re quarantined? Do you have enough supplies to get you through the next two weeks, just calm down. No, I’m on the phone with the other Avengers. Yes, most of them, the ones that are quarantined at the tower. Yes that includes Loki. Why do you call him Mr. Loki. Kid… Focus. Yes, ok good, you have supplies, yes you’re not sick, I know, Aunt May is pretty young, yes I know, she’s fine, you’ll both be fine, it’s just a quarantine, keep entertained with Cap’s podcasts, they’ll keep you calm, he posts them each day, yes you’re talking too fast for me to understand you. Kid. Peter. Listen to me.’ Tony sighed. 'Kid.’ He sighed again. 'Listen. I will hang up on you. Kid. Listen, stop it. Stop. I’ll send over a suit with groceries. Yes, I’ll send toilet paper. Yes, I know all the stores are out, I have connections.’ Tony smiled weakly, 'I got you covered, you’ll be fine. You’ll get through this. Now all of you, I’m hanging up and getting lunch with my hot date. Bye.’ The screen went black.

'That spider kid got quarantined?’ Steve asked, looking around the room.

You blinked, 'I guess so.’

Loki crossed the room, moving away from Thor and came over to sit beside you. He left a respectable distance, peering into your glass curiously before easing himself into the chair next to you.

'I could bring him supplies.’ Thor grumbled.

'Brother we have dealt with plagues, as has humanity before, if their response is to lock themselves away to deter the spread of it, we are not to interfere. Their healers, doctors, have made their demands,’ Loki looked up from your drink, 'We do not interfere.’

'We are protectors of humanity, we must safeguard the realm in whatever way possible.’ Thor urged.

'You cannot fight a disease with your hammer.’ Loki replied. 'Or are you suggesting culling the sick to limit its spread?’

Thor creased his brow.

Loki raised his eyebrow, 'Such action has been taken in the past and will likely take place in the future.’

Steve and Bucky watched Loki uneasily.

Loki continued coldly, 'Tell me brother, would you risk more lives or take them because you are uneasy with patience?’

'Loki…’ You said slowly.

Thor growled softly before turning and stomping from the room.

'He’s never patient.’ Loki muttered, shrugging.

You sighed and touched his forearm hesitantly.

Loki glanced down at you somewhat surprised. You slowly pulled your hand away as Loki’s eyes trailed your hand, watching where you had been and slowly staring at your hand where it lay a few inches from his arm.

Steve cleared his throat. 'Well I was thinking I might start drawing again, I haven’t had a chance to sit down and just sketch in a while.’ He managed a smile, 'Anyone have any suggestions? Maybe I’ll do some skylines…’

Bucky sighed, 'I haven’t had a lot of time to hone any hobbies.’

'Well now is a great time to start!’ Steve clapped Bucky on the shoulder, 'C'mon, Stark is bound to have plenty of things lying around this musty old tower. Let’s go digging.’

You finished your drink, staring at the empty mug. 'Do you think there will be a culling?’ You asked, looking at Loki.

Loki shook his head, 'Not at all. Thor is too quick for action, this disease is easily controlled by your mortal means. Stay clean, take care of yourself and avoid too many people. The spies staying to themselves are smart, the three of you are the only regular humans in this tower, otherwise it’s nearly empty on the top floors. Between the soldiers and myself and my brother, you’re the only mortal really.’

You nodded slowly, staring at him with concern.

Loki carefully touched your hand, a bit of color rising to his cheeks, 'I doubt with the chemicals running through their bodies and my brother and myself and our genetic make up, we seem to be safe from this disease. I fear only for you falling ill, but we will keep you safe and even so, there are many more cases of recovery than there are fatalities.’

You nodded, 'Yea, you’re right.’

The black screen flipped on. 'What motherfucker, is stealing all of SHIELD’s motherfucking toilet paper?’ Nick Fury’s voice roared over the speakers as he glared out around the screen, staring down at you and Loki. 'Where is Rogers?’

You blinked, quailing beneath his glare. 'He went looking for art supplies, sir.’

'Someone got it in their funny little head that it would be a good idea to ransack the SHIELD bathrooms for toilet paper and now I got nothing to wipe my ass with. HILL, get me Hill on the line.’ Fury continued, barking orders at someone out of view.

Loki rolled his eyes, 'I don’t know what you expect us to do about it, we’re under quarantine.’

You snickered, fighting back a laugh.

Fury looked down at the two of you, 'Oh right, I’d forgotten.’ He sighed, 'Do I have any Avengers or SHIELD agents I can call into duty?’

'Not that I know of, sir. I’m pretty out of the loop.’ You waved your hand, indicating the quarantine.

'Fine, fine, carry on.’ The screen blanked out again.

Loki looked at you and you looked back at him before the two of you started laughing weakly. You both quickly looked away.

'Want to go check out the library? It’s going to be a long quarantine.’ You offered your hand to him.

Loki looked at your hand hesitantly before taking it, 'Certainly.’

It might be a long quarantine, but perhaps not a terrible one.

#Loki x Reader #ficbit #quarantine fic

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alright--okay · 3 years

Text

you ever been to a basement show? pt. 1

tsukishima kei x reader

summary: Tsukishima sees you everywhere, and for a big school thats weird. And it’s not like he’s gonna do anything, that’d be even weirder, but one day in your shared lecture he sees you wearing a shirt with some small band’s name. A band he know. And well, now he has to know who you are.

word count: ~1.5 k

a/n: this is college au where Tsukki is basically into really indie/alt music and so are you so you guys start as like concert buddies/friends and grow as more. I started this a while ago and have been posting to ao3 but I’m trying to find motivation to write more so imma start posting to tumblr lol hope anyone reading enjoys <3

read on ao3!

pt. 1 Polite Company - Rainbow Kitten Surprise

Tsukishima saw you everywhere, it didn’t make any sense. If the University of Tokyo was so big, why was he seeing the same girl all around campus?

Particularly in his one stupid archeology elective. The class was a joke compared to everything else he was taking but it gave him a break from his other more intense courses and he wasn’t about to refuse the opportunity to slack off. You were not only in the large lecture portion of the class but also in his recitation, meaning he saw you three times a week, not including the glances he caught of you just from walking around.

And he wasn’t stalking you (he swears), it’s just that you were … everywhere. Sitting in the last row of the lecture hall (just a few seats to the right of him), waiting for the TA outside the classroom for recitation (usually on your phone), or doing work in the student center as he passed through (always with your headphones on, always).

He had no clue who you were. You most probably weren’t an archeology major like himself, he would have seen you in the intro classes or any of the higher-level courses. Yeah, Tokyo was big but he could at least recognize some other people in the major, and he had never seen you in the three years he had been attending the University of Tokyo. Or at least didn’t notice you before, but that also seemed unlikely.

Today was no different. The lecture portion of the course was a little too early for anyone’s liking, so Tsukishima went to take his usual seat in the back row, ready to half pay attention, half play on his phone. You were already there, headphones atop your head as you continued to look at your phone, the faint sound of music escaped the padding by your ears but it was too muffled to make out an actual beat.

Tsukishima said a quick “excuse me” as he moved to step over your legs and bag on the ground. You remained quiet, giving a polite smile as you tucked your legs in, attempting to give him more room to pass. That’s when he caught sight of your sweatshirt. Normally he paid no mind to what you, let alone anyone, was wearing but the bubbled blue outline of the word “Forests” gave him pause. That was a band. That was a small band. How the fuck were you aware of their presence.

Tsukishima quickly made his way past you as he realized he really shouldn’t be staring at your chest (even if it was just to read your sweatshirt, he swears). He tried to nonchalantly maneuver his way into one of the old lecture hall seats a few down from yours before quickly pulling out his phone.

No way is it the same Forests, he thought as he brought up the band’s website and quickly scrolling through there merch.

Starring back at him was the same fucking sweatshirt. That meant you knew this band, this tiny band. He was so used to being alone in his music taste. Akiteru only listened to what was on the radio and Yamaguchi entertained Tsukishima when he went on rants about music and bands, but he didn’t really listen to any of it. Tsukishima had come to accept that his music-listening experience was mostly gonna be reserved for laying in his bed alone, staring at the ceiling, and absorbing the lyrics. This was fine, he could still enjoy the music just fine. But … you knew some of his music.

~~~

Tsukishima tried to ignore the thoughts of you. He didn’t know you, you were a random person who just so happened to maybe, possibly listen to the same type of music as him. Who cares?

It was a little later in the week and Tsukishima was making his way to the recitation for this stupid elective. The TA, as usual, was late so Tsukishima made his way over to the wall to wait, his own pair of headphones supplying a flow of music.

When you made an appearance from around the corner, Tsukishima couldn’t help the extra attention he paid to your clothing. And god fucking damn it. That was a Mom Jeans shirt. There was someone who listened to the same music as him. Or at least similar. But that was enough for Tsukishima to decide he wanted to talk to you.

To yama:

i have a situation

From yama:

oh ?? care to elaborate ?

Tsukishima paused. This was weird, wasn’t it? He had never interacted with you besides the time he had to move past you to get to his seat. And the lecture was huge. Nobody talked to each other unless you were already friends or were in desperate need of notes. Tsukishima was in neither of those situations.

To yama:

okay so theres this girl and before you say anything no im not trying to ask her out but she was wearing a shirt for a band i listen to

From yama:

that you listen to? not to say youre some hipster indie boy…. but you tend to listen to v obscure music

To yama:

yea i know that thats why im kinda freaking out like do i say something?? and if i do say something what would i even say

From yama:

go for it !! if shes anything like you she probably doesnt get to talk about music much either so just bring up her shirt or something itll be fine tsukki

To yama:

yea ill think about it

Tsukishima put his phone away as someone held the door open for him. Apparently the TA arrived sometime while he was texting Yamaguchi so he quickly made his way into the classroom, taking a seat a few rows behind you.

He would talk to you.

Just not today.

~~~

After the recitation the day before, you had pushed your headphones back onto your ears as soon as the TA was finished and made your way out of the room, his eyes following as you did so. Tsukishima had gone back to his apartment only to be further interrogated by Yamaguchi. What band? There were multiple bands? Did he know you? What class was this again? Are you cute? That’s where Tsukishima cut him off, moving into his room to attempt some work.

It was now Thursday morning, meaning it was time for the second half of the lecture. He was gonna do it. Tsukishima was going to talk to you.

He walked into the lecture hall, you again were already sitting in your seat at the back. Tsukishima (calmly, obviously he was calm) walked over to your seat and sat beside you.

~~~~~~

Who the fuck was this guy?

Yeah, you had seen him around, but he never talked to you, or anyone else in the class for that matter. And yet here he was, sitting next to you and gesturing for you to take off your headphones.

“Can I help you?” you said, complying by slipping the headphones around your neck.

He took a small, almost hesitant pause, “I noticed your shirt the other day, you listen to Forests?”

Your eyes grew slightly wider, “You know who they are?”

“Um, yeah and I’m not used to people listening to the same music as me so I thought I’d … I don’t know … say hi? Introduce myself?”

“Well, you haven’t done a very good job on that plan so far,” you paused to give him a small smile, “just saying.”

Tsukishima gave you a smirk of his own, “Hi,” he emphasized, making you smile wider, “I’m Tsukishima Kei. And you are?”

“l/n y/n,” you replied, smile still in place. “So you listen to Forests. Anyone else I might know?”

Tsukishima paused for a moment, and you knew exactly what he was thinking. Bands you listened to every day were not necessarily what everyone else listened to (which let’s be real, understandable), so replying to a question like this meant either replying with more popular bands people had likely heard of or going full-on obscure and have the person stare at you in confusion. But after a moment, Tsukishima responded with his own small list.

“I know a couple of them actually,” you saw his mouth give a small uptick, probably not used to that response, “what-” The two of you were interrupted by the professor being the lecture, but you quickly turned back to the boy at your side, now in a quieter voice you asked, “what were the names of the other bands? I’ll look them up.”

Tsukishima slowly listed them off again as you typed them into your phone, excited to see what this random guy in your lecture listened to.

Time passed slowly as you and Tsukishima put your attention back to the material at hand, but as the class came to the end and the two of you were packing up your things, your mind drifted to the coming weekend.

Yeah, you just met the guy, but it couldn’t hurt to ask. He seemed kinda nice after all, and he’d probably be into it.

“Hey Tsukishima,” you called to get his attention, “you ever been to a basement show?”

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #tsukishima kei #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima x reader #tsukki x reader

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muthaz-rapapa · 4 years

Text

HealPre Ep 2: Partners, Faith & Ability

Hwoo, boy. This is another long one.

Ok, I know mascots are not the most exciting things to talk about when it comes to Precure because while a handful of them are not quite two-dimensional (depending on the context), they rarely fully reach the three-dimensional field either since they are majorly there to support the main charas and...well, to look and be cute for the merchandising. Hence, why they’re soon shoved to the backseat in favor of the story focusing more on our heroines.

But as we are still in the early period of establishing relationships here, I think it’s noteworthy to discuss the return of fairy partnerships (which hasn’t happened since DokiDoki, can you believe that?) and why it’s significant to the story of HealPre.

Starting with the first one-sided “fight” (if you can really call it that) between Rabirin and Nodoka.

Prior to learning that Nodoka’s actually not athletic, Rabirin was immensely ecstatic to have found a human who shared their sentiments on wanting to protect the Earth. But because she was too thrilled about it, she ended up blinding herself with thoughts that Nodoka is the ideal partner she always wanted. A person who’s agile, graceful and possesses a robust physique.

So when the after school activities proved otherwise, Rabirin gets upset and disbands the partnership right then and there.

Which makes Rabirin look incredibly shallow and selfish but in reality...

It’s because she likes Nodoka so much that she can’t bear to put such a kind girl like her in danger.

True, Rabirin is still basing everything off a mindset that says “I can only accept a partner who’s physically capable” so for one part, she is still thinking too superficially.

But for another, Rabirin also acknowledges that she is just a trainee, not a full-fledged doctor. She knows for a fact that she herself is not completely competent as she wants to be (yet) so if something bad happens, she might not be enough to protect Nodoka from the fall.

Nodoka has a handicap and Rabirin is inexperienced. These are not the best circumstances to go into battle with so to minimize the damage that can affect them (and the Earth), Rabirin decides to leave Nodoka.

It’s not that protecting the Earth takes priority over everything else.

It’s because protecting the Earth should not come at the expense of letting Nodoka get hurt in any way.

That’s the true reasoning behind Rabirin’s rejection.

Meanwhile, let’s go back to Nodoka.

Her noticeably calm reaction to Rabirin’s emotional outburst is also worth examining. Rather than becoming sad or disheartened at being dumped because she’s not “up to snuff”, she takes the time to reflect on what she’s able to do at the moment.

Nodoka’s not going to deny that she has trouble keeping up with those who are more athletically fit than she is. She knows that’s due to her having a weak constitution from illness but she’s not ashamed of it. It’s just a fact that she was sick, nothing more.

It doesn’t mean she can’t do the same things healthy people are capable of doing. It just means she has to find ways to do them without straining herself. And if given the time, she’ll eventually be able to catch up with them that way.

Nodoka already has the motivation (hell yea she does, that’s mah gurl!) so all she needs to do is to find the best point for her to start from.

What’s more, Nodoka is not afraid of getting hurt to do what she feels she needs to do.

When Rabirin was not there to help her transform, Nodoka tried all sorts of things she can think off to fend off the Megapathogerm. Teaming up with Nyatora, donning armor before confronting the monster and tricking it into a trap.

Honestly, it’s remarkable how she faced the situation without letting the panic get the better of her.

She’s very stable as person, a trait I believe is something we’d like to see in anyone, especially a partner.

And “failure” doesn’t discourage her either.

When she proves no match for the Megapathogerm in her civilian form, the first thing she does after getting knocked off her feet was to try and chase after it.

The thought of people getting hurt by the villains is what drives her to act. Even when she’s in no condition to continue fighting, she musters whatever strength she has left to help others anyway.

Nodoka is brave, resilient and extremely compassionate.

But it’s also important to know she isn’t fearless.

And what she is most afraid of is not being able to do anything at all.

She’s not just afraid for other people. She’s also terrified that if she doesn’t act now, she’s going to have to relive those lonely, difficult days she spent bedridden in the hospital.

A life where she couldn’t move as she wanted, couldn’t live as she wanted to. And perhaps those feelings of helplessness made her despair.

She doesn’t want anyone else to feel that way. She doesn’t want herself to feel that way again because of not being able to do anything as she is now. Now when she can finally walk on her own two feet and start doing so many things she couldn’t do before.

Nodoka had received so much hope to get here.

From her parents, her doctors, her nurses.

It was thanks to them for being by her side through the hardships that Nodoka was able to make it here today.

They taught her to have faith in herself, to believe that she does have it in her to beat her illness.

And she did.

Nodoka values the hope given to her so strongly that if she were to step back and give up now, it would be an insult to all the support she received from her loved ones.

When she was in pain, no one abandoned her. So how can she possibly stand by when she sees someone else in trouble?

Therefore, whether she can still be Rabirin’s partner or not, whether Rabirin will allow her to be Precure or not is not the main concern here.

Nodoka just wants to do something.

She doesn’t want to sit on the sidelines like she used to. She wants to join clubs, do activities and run to her heart’s content.

And if someone’s hurting, she wants to help them. That’s all.

Doing nothing is more painful for Nodoka than failing.

That’s why when Rabirin gave her the powers to transform into Cure Grace, Nodoka was so grateful to her.

Becoming Precure helped Nodoka from drowning in despair again. She was able to do something, she was able to help the Earth beat the maladies the villains inflicted on it.

Similar to Nodoka’s parents and doctors giving her hope to overcome her own illness.

And in earnest, she sincerely swears to Rabirin that she’ll do her best to protect Earth with these powers she’s given.

Nodoka cannot promise she’ll become the strongest Cure ever. She knows how dangerous fighting these monsters can be and she’s fully aware of the limits of her own body.

But she still wants to at least try.

Not for herself. Becoming Precure is not for herself, but for the sake of others.

So she asks Rabirin to believe in her. Like with her illness, Nodoka is not that naive to think she can go at it alone. She beat her illness because she had her people by her side, supporting her every step of the way.

And if Rabirin gives her another chance, then Nodoka knows from experience that they can overcome whatever comes their way. Not just Nodoka. Nodoka and Rabirin.

They can save the Earth if they fight together.

After a declaration like that, how can Rabirin even think of not wanting Nodoka as her partner?

More than finding a person who’s in tip-top shape, being able to find Nodoka, whose heart is just as strong if not even stronger than the average healthy person’s, is nothing short of a miracle.

What Rabirin was looking for was not the “perfect” partner but someone who resonated with her. That someone is Nodoka.

With that, she apologizes profusely for treating Nodoka so harshly before, judging her without knowing her story and not respecting Nodoka’s feelings like a doctor should.

Rabirin was right when she said it wasn’t she who helped Nodoka but the other way around. Meeting Nodoka helped Rabirin break free of the limits of her own thinking...

Which finally brings me to the topic of partnerships.

Y’know, it’s so easy to take the fairies for granted because though they play a pivotal role, they’re not the most important part of the story.

But the way the necessity of a partnership is portrayed here, as a very serious matter rather than the teasing banter comedy we usually see, tells something very profound that HealPre might be trying to convey.

It’s that no man is an island. No one can shoulder the world alone.

Just like how we can’t expect one individual to solve the climate crisis, you can’t assume that you’ll be okay bearing all the burdens on your own while fighting against your personal ailments, whatever they may be.

Everyone needs someone else to truly live healthily.

And not just any “someone” but a person you know you can truly trust to understand you and repay in kind as well.

That’s what makes a partnership.

Protecting the Earth is the biggest importance to Rabirin and Nodoka practically had to bare her entire soul to the rabbit to prove she’s up to the task. In turn, it wouldn’t be right to not answer those feelings which is why Rabirin tossed away what set her back to accept Nodoka as the one and only partner for her.

Rather than worrying about what someone’s not capable of, you should actually take a real look at what they are capable of doing. And in order to do that, you have to get to know each other, see what’s beyond the surface, reach the point where it’s become secure enough for you to be confident enough to say the faith you invested in each other is worth it.

Only then can something be born out of two people combining their efforts together.

Two.

二つ (“futatsu”)

Why does the post-transformation Cure phrase have this word in it? Because it’s not just Nodoka becoming Cure Grace to save the world. It’s Nodoka and Rabirin.

Rabirin who gives Nodoka the power to transform into Precure. Nodoka receiving that power to protect Earth alongside Rabirin.

Cure Grace is made up of the power of two, not one. Cure Grace is both Nodoka and Rabirin.

The power of two.

I’m not sure if this is how I wanted the post to turn out (I had to rewrite and re-edit it so many times because thinking on it drove my mind in circles @.@;;) or if I said everything I wanted to...

But if there’s one thing I’m certain of is that Rabirin will never doubt Nodoka again from this point on.

Even when Chiyu and Hinata, who have better stamina than Nodoka does, join the team, I’m certain Rabirin won’t compare her partner to them and instead say something along the lines of “Nodoka has the biggest heart out of anyone here! My partner’s the strongest of them all!” with immeasurable pride.

In short, Rabirin liked Nodoka before but she definitely loves Nodoka now.

(*＾v＾*)

#ohhhhhmygod my brain broke #i gave up my entire Sunday trying to word out my thoughts for this ep #when a season starts of REALLY good it means a hard life for me lolol xD;#hanadera nodoka #cure grace #rabirin #healin good precure

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madgeinvoltronland · 4 years

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Thank the Stars

Tonight (April 21) we can see the Lyrid meteor shower in my country. Since I used that event for my contribution to the Kidge zine last year, and since I never posted it, it seemed like a good time to do so, even if I’m not really into Voltron anymore.

Rating: General As he gazes upon the stars, Keith realizes how much of a sap he is. The good thing is, Katie is just as bad as him.

As he was waiting in line to board his bus, Keith realised he had been wrong. So wrong. One would think that students wouldn’t want to get up this early for the 5 a.m bus back home. But here he was, among students still half asleep, nowhere close to boarding anytime soon.

But it was worth it.

The sooner he left, the sooner he’d be back home, back with Katie.

He hadn’t seen his girlfriend since New Year; too busy trying to pass his first midterms to go see her, and her too busy with her last year of high school. And he missed her. Hearing her distorted voice during their daily phone calls wasn’t enough. He needed to see her, run his fingers through her hair, and put his arms around her shoulders to keep her close. She fit perfectly against his side, her warmth all against him the best way to sooth him, and he missed it all.

He was so busy thinking about finally reuniting with his girlfriend that he spaced out, holding out the line when it was his time to board. The guy behind him complained, pulling him out of his thoughts, and he quickly found his place. It was not the most comfortable, but it was cheap, and in a few hours, he would be together with Katie again.

Just as the clock stroke 5a.m. his phone buzzed.

[Katie] Hey hotstuff. Didnt miss ur bus?

[Keith] Hey shortstuff. All ready to get back pain. The things I do for you

[Katie] Aww u sap ♥

Keith was about to answer when the driver announced they were departing, and which stop they’d make. He looked outside, watching the scenery at first, then up to the sky, where the few stars you could see above the city shone brightly.

And Katie was probably right about him because that sight immediately reminded him of the day they got together.

Katie loved space, just like everyone in her family. She was following in her father’s footsteps, aiming to work for NASA. And Keith, while he was interested in space exploration, mostly loved seeing the way her face lighted up when talking about it. So when he had realised the Perseids were around the corner, he had asked her if she wanted to go camping with him, where they could see the stars without light pollution in the way. So, maybe he was indeed a sap.

But honestly, she was just as bad as him.

[Keith] Like you’re one to talk. Remember last summer? The perseids?

[Katie] Yea. We spent hours loading ur car, but it broke

Sure, that wasn’t his proudest moment. He had known for a while that his car was having problems, so it should have been no surprise. But that wasn’t his point.

[Keith] And you found a way to bring the stars to us

As soon as they had realized that they couldn’t go, she had asked him to give her a few hours, and then join her at her place. It was a strange request, but even then, he couldn’t say no to her.

[Katie] And?

[Keith] You’re a sap too

[Keith] You projected the nasa direct just to confess

When he’d gotten to her house, she had led him to the attic, where strangely enough a round camping tent had been installed. She had grabbed the sleeping bags he’d bought over and gone inside, leaving him utterly confused, until he had joined her.

She had set up her laptop and a projector inside. The projector was facing some kind of dome-shaped mirror, and the reflected projection followed the curve of the walls, giving the impression you were surrounded by a screen. Katie had instructed him to get comfortable while she finished setting up everything, so he had sat on his sleeping bag. The sound of cicadas and wind ruffling through leaves slowly filled the place.

And when the night sky replaced whatever was on Katie’s screen, projected all around them, he couldn’t help his awe. It was almost like they were out camping, the only things missing being the smell of grass and the bugs (which was probably a good thing). She had managed to make them travel, without actually going anywhere.

[Katie] And ill never listen to Lances ideas anymore, that was dumb

He knew her enough to know that it was just her embarrassment talking. She had been just as embarrassed that night.

Lance’s idea of the perfect confession was to set the perfect mood. Not that dumb, but when their trip got canceled his alternative was… so Lance-like.

Katie had waited for him to voice his awe to tell him that it wasn’t as magical as she had wanted, though there was something that could make it better.

Keith being her boyfriend.

Even with the dim light of the projector as their only light source he had been able to see her blush. Which got worse when she’d started word vomiting, confessing that she had planned on asking him out during their trip. That when it got canceled, she’d called Lance in a panic, asking him what to do. That he had been the one to suggest that pick-up line. That she’d went with it because every other time she had tried to confess, he either didn’t get it, or she had lost her nerves. That if he wasn’t interested, she hoped they could still be friends.

He had stopped her then, grabbing her hand to stop her rambling, intertwining their fingers to anchor himself. To this day he could still remember how fast his heart had been beating. But he had been elated, smiling while he reassured her that he was more than interested.

As anxious as the whole confession had made them feel, leaning toward each other had felt right, natural. It was merely a peck, but that soft kiss had melted the tension in the room, and they had laid back together to enjoy the projection.

[Keith] I liked it

The gesture was sweet, and with Keith leaving for college a few weeks later, he barely had time to do something for her in return. They barely had time to see each other period. But maybe that could change… If he remembered correctly, there was another meteor shower happening in April…

It was a good thing he still had data left and it didn’t take long for him to look it up on his phone— the Lyrid meteor shower, scheduled April 22 to 24, right during his break.

Now he just needed to see if Katie was free, so he called her.

It didn’t take her long to answer.

��Hey, I was just replying. You’re okay?”

Her voice was rough, she was probably short on sleep, but it worked for him. She would catch up on what he was planning if she was too awake.

“Everything's fine, just need to ask you something real quick.”

She yawned. “Ask away.”

“Are you doing anything this week?”

She groaned and for a while, the only sounds he could hear were ruffling and cursing. Keith almost felt bad for making her get up.

“No,” she finally answered, “free all week.”

“Good, cause I have a late birthday present so don’t plan anything for Monday to Wednesday.”

“Urg, where’s my pen now…”

More ruffling could be heard, and Keith couldn’t help it, he chuckled.

“Don’t laugh at me Keith Kogane, this is all your fault. You could have waited till we were together.”

“Guess I’m lucky you love me.”

It took her a few seconds to answer, but when she did her voice was soft, and he could picture her blushing.

“Exactly.”

“I’ll let you sleep a bit more. See you when I arrive?”

“See you.”

He hung up with a smile

He’d have a lot of things to plan, but he couldn’t wait to finally take her on that long overdue trip. He’d need to borrow or rent a car, because his old one was still not trustworthy, but this time, it was going to happen.

The soft music coming from the radio was the only sound in the car as they drove out of the city. Katie had to be honest, she was kind of curious. Keith had kept his plans a secret, and she had refrained from looking into it despite how much she wanted to know. If Keith wanted to surprise her, she wasn’t going to spoil him the pleasure.

If only he wasn’t frowning and looking displeased right now.

He was looking at the road like it had done something to offend him. Which didn’t make sense, because they were alone, and it wasn’t bumpy or anything, so it was all smooth driving.

“Hey,” she tried to grab his attention by putting her hand on his arm, “is something wrong?”

He looked at her from the corner of his eyes and sighed, finally relaxing his shoulder.

“It’s just the weather…”

She looked up and, sure enough, you could barely see the sky behind the clouds. But at least it didn’t look like it would rain, and she pointed it out.

“That’s… still not enough,” he answered, his fingers drumming against the wheel.

There was obviously more on his mind, but Katie knew when to push, and when to give him time. He would talk eventually, and the car fell silent once again.

It didn’t last.

“It’s the Lyrid meteor shower tonight.”

And suddenly, everything made sense.

Their conversation when he was coming back from college, his sudden phone call… It wasn’t just any birthday trip. It was a second attempt at their failed first-date-slash-confession-date. And as much as she wanted to play it cool, the attention made her shy.

Katie Holt, the high school genius who always speaks her mind, rendered speechless by a date plan. It was still a nice feeling, and she couldn’t help but smile as she grabbed Keith’s arm again.

“We still have some time, maybe the sky will clear. And if not, there’s still tomorrow.”

Keith smiled, and he let go of the wheel with his right hand to hold hers.

“I know, I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

“You’ll call me a sap but,” she took a deep breath, and looked straight ahead to try and hide her blush. “A trip just the two of us is already pretty sweet.”

And as they held each other later that night to keep warm, eyes glued to the sky, they both thanked the stars for bringing them together.

#sometimes I write #kidge #this will be my last post on this blog

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ravenbloodau · 4 years

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The Voyages Of Ker'Tak and Skye Episode 2: Departure

Now, Ker'Tak and Skye had gotten along for quite awhile. Not six months ago had Ker'Tak's ship arrived on Earth, and not six months ago had the Human Skye befriended Ker'Tak in a rather peculiar way.

On instinct, they got along. In logic, that wasn't always the case.

"Ker'Tak, I honestly don't get it! Why can't they talk to one another and get it over with?" Human Skye asked during her training with her new phaser.

"Stay focused!" Ker'Tak called, "If you do not pass this exam, they will not allow you on the Starship."

"I am focused!" Skye called back as she shot down the rest of the targets. Her accuracy was lethal, "I just want to understand what makes this conflict tick."

"Very good," Ker'Tak complimented Skye, who was more impatient than ever, "This conflict is especially important because of the prey-predator relationship between the two species. One greatly fears the other, while the other wishes strict dominance and is bargaining for a one-sided agreement."

"So prey can't stand up to predator, predator wants to take advantage of that fear?" Skye asked as she holstered her phaser.

"Precisely," Ker'Tak nodded as she approached them.

"Ah, you see that makes more sense," Skye nodded as she registered her weapon and her personelle code into the computer.

Ker'Tak nodded as they made their way to the medbay, where each Skye was being taught medicine under Ker'Tak.

They had watched her take to the practice quiet easily, memorizing and practicing diagnoses, learning symptoms, performing low-risk surgeries, learning anatomy and biological factors.

Ker'Tak was rather proud of bringing this youngling into the feild of medical sciences.

Skye was quietly taking on one of the greatest mysterious illnesses of the Universe, one that plagued the Si'Nain's.

"Ker'Tak," A week seemed to fly by, "Ker'Tak come look at this," Skye was inviting them over to look into a petri dish she had grown for the week.

"Is this what you've been working on?" Ker'Tak peered over their student's shoulder.

"Yep, it looks more like a bacterial infection rather than a virus as you suspected. The rate of reproduction and the number of colonies suggests it's airborne. It's possible to take care of it with a few antibiotics, but which kind would be most effective?" Skye started theorizing.

"Erm, Human Skye?" Ker'Tak got her attention just as she got up to pace, "If we've been treating this as a viral infection, it's possible humans may be at risk to catch this. We've been administering a vaccine for it."

Skye looked over and shrugged.

"Actually, I had the shot, turns out that it's one of our kinds stomach flora, very rarely can it hurt us, so we'll feel little affect, and as soon as I can draw up an antibacterial that won't hurt Si'Nains, I daresay it'll hardly be a problem anymore," Skye chuckled as she continued to pace, "In fact, with your antivirals, and our antibacterials, we may have found the solution to 85% of illnesses within the Universe, at least for the time being."

Ker'Tak nodded, "You never seem to focus on the details, everything is in a bigger picture. You humans perplex me.."

Skye looked up.

"Well, yea. If I were constantly focused on the details, I might miss what the bigger picture might have to show me, or what I could learn from other peices of the picture," Skye explained, "It's better to have a balance. To see the bigger picture and to focus on the details, but never selecting one in complete priority over the other."

Ker'Tak nodded, understandably a bit baffled by Skye's untimely wisdom. After all, she was 17 Earth years. Yet still oddly wise for her age, even in comparison to Ker'Tak. Although approximately 457 Earth Years old, Ker'Tak was the equivalent of a teenager in Si'Nain society.

The two left the lab, talking rather excitedly too, about possible cures, human medicine, Si'Nain cures, life cycles, wise "crack" wisdom.

They passed by other human volunteers, and in an instant Skye would say Hello, then return to her present conversation with Ker'Tak.

Ker'Tak happily listened to her ramble about the endless possibilities of the medical feild, now armed with knowledge that was far beyond her species' own.

"I mean, we could cure cancer! Stop HIV, end most chronic illnesses! Cure allergies!" Skye laughed heartily, "It's an open ocean of possibility Ker'Tak!"

Skye's laughter pinged in Ker'Tak's mind as a happy thing, loud and full.

"So, Human Skye, we disembark from Earth in approximately two Earth days, have you packed all your things?" Ker'Tak changed topics as this moving away from home was weighing on Skye's mind.

"Yep! Everything's already in my new quarters! The Captain said it was surprising how fast I was ready to move out. Honestly I need a change in scenery anyways!" Skye chirped rather cheerful.

Ker'Tak nodded mindfully waiting as Skye jumped ahead. A unique trait in humans was the oddly boundless impatience. Ker'Tak would have to add that to the manual.

She was relentlessly helpful, and open with the crew. Some found her honesty quite alarming, but Skye's endless innocent gaze got them to follow suit.

The departure from Earth was bittersweet for Skye.

"This opens up a new chapter in my life, Ker'Tak. Ooooh! I can't wait to see the stars up close!" Skye's excitement reflected in her squeal-speak.

Ker'Tak chuckled at the enthusiasm. Skye had spirit they had never seen before, they could admit that.

It took 3 months to sort 95% of human issues in space out, and outside of the rough introduction to life star-side, Skye was getting the hang of things.

She soon surpassed Ker'Tak in knowledge and ability, but refused a rank higher than theirs at every offer.

"I may be smart, but I still have plenty to learn from Ker'Tak! Plus, they're a great teacher, and much wiser than I am!" Skye would use the same excuses, even if most of them were no longer true.

So why does she stay? Ker'Tak found themselves pondering, She can't be that naive, can she? I told her everything about the High Council, and she's in her prime to rise to the top of the Council.

"Ker'Tak?" Skye's voice came over the comm. She sounded scared, almost in some kind of pain, "Could you come to my quarters please?"

"On my way," Ker'Tak responded strictly, walking down the halls of the ship post-haste.

They arrived to an open door, and a pained groaning coming from within. The lights above flickered, and torn fabric was strewn about.

"Human Skye?" Ker'Tak called upon entry into the dark room.

"Ker'Tak?" Skye's voice weakly drifted from her bed chamber, "Help.."

Ker'Tak hurried into the room, seeing Skye holding her arm, and tears running down her cheeks as another man stood in front of her.

Ker'Tak called for security.

"YOU BITCH! YOU SAID HE WOULDN'T CALL!" The man hit Skye with a blade, angry and hateful thoughts filled his mind.

This wild rage towards the wounded Skye insulted Ker'Tak. They watched as the man knocked Skye out, and as this stranger turned towards Ker'Tak.

"YOU BASTARD!" The man was clearly drunken, but Ker'Tak paid no mind to this fact. In fact, they felt an inexplicable need to protect young Skye. Ker'Tak felt...Close to her, in some way, as a friend. They had felt this pack bond to her grow stronger over the past nine months, as they had to come to know her on a personal level one would save for family, lovers, even, in Si'Nain society.

Skye was like Ker'Tak's little sister at this point.

Ker'Tak drew up his personal defensive weapon (PDW), and readied themselves for the man's attack.

The man swung low, striking Ker'Tak along his abdomen with the blade. Ker'Tak opened fire and stunned the man.

The thud of the man's body called attention to the room.

Ker'Tak carefully took up the unconscious Skye in their arms, muttering to themselves on how naive Skye had been to trust an inebriated man like that.

She shuddered in their arms as security came and took the man to a holding cell for the evening.

"Skye, you've got to stop being so-" Ker'Tak stopped talking. Something heavy was on Skye's mind, they could feel it in their sudden change in pitch.

"Please, just..Take me to the medbay," She whimpered. Ker'Tak felt their face go hot, enraged now.

The human concept of revenge is far from what Ker'Tak would call their next set of actions.

The Captain stared down the Doctor.

"You could have slaughtered that man," The Captian started harshly, "Doctor Ker'Tak, tell me what provoked such violent transgression against Human Gabriel."

Ker'Tak stood at attention. They weren't sure how to word this. So they reported the incident before the further harm of Gabriel.

The Captain perked up in interest upon learning of Gabriel's transgressions against Skye and Ker'Tak. The Captain sighed and nodded.

"I understand. Ker'Tak, you cannot take justice like that into your own hands. You are a Doctor, and although you have every right to defend yourself and your student, next time leave the reprimands and punishments of such crimes to me. Revenge is reckless," The Captain let Ker'Tak off with a warning, "This will not be going on your record, but please, refrain from such actions in the future."

Ker'Tak nodded, and thanked the Captain before being dismissed from the room.

Ker'Tak returned to the Medbay, the dull throbbing in their abdomen warning them that they would need another regenerate soon.

They pushed it out of their mind as they saw a frazzled human Skye trying to keep up with everything headed her way.

Ker'Tak took her by the shoulders and carefully leaned down. She froze, suddenly terrified.

"It's just me, Human Skye," Ker'Tak noticed her breathing get noticeably easier.

"Ah, thank god. Another regenerate right?" Skye asked them.

"Yes," Ker'Tak nodded and Skye handed them the injector.

She walked away, trying to keep herself busy. Being hurt the way she had just been wasn't something so easily brushed aside.

"Skye, take your break," Ker'Tak offered. She shook her head.

"No, I have to do better. I need to keep it together and to keep going. This is just a bad day. I can get over it," Skye sounded like she was lying to herself.

Ker'Tak shook their head, looking down at the bandages wrapped around her arms, and the bruises showing up on her face.

Ker'Tak walked over, picked Skye up from where she was standing, laid her down on a cot, and sat beside her.

"Rest. You're badly hurt. And dehydrated from all the crying," Ker'Tak scolded Skye half heartedly.

Skye sat there a moment, then reluctantly rolled onto her side. Quickly, she found herself dozing into a restless sleep, terrified and on edge..

Until the warmth of a friendly hug from behind calmed her down.

The first true lesson Ker'Tak kept in mind from that evening?

Not even humans can always trust those of their own kind, and all will resort to violence to either protect themselves or get what they want. Si'Nians were lucky they found a teenager to make first contact with.

Fear, hatred and ignorance are the enemy.

-High Council of Planets Rule Of Conduct #10

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sooosketchy · 5 years

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My Nintendo Switch Screenshots 2017

Backed up most of my screenshots off my Switch and wanted to share a few of my favorite moments I captured during the first year (2017) playing breath of the wild (botw). My 2018 and 2019 collection will go up in a separate post. Botw was the only physical game I owned the first year having the Switch and was completely immersed in the world of Hyrule in a way I had never experienced with any other video game.

Very First Screenshot

Kass

First time encountering Kass was such a memorable moment. You’ll be minding your own business traveling new areas and scoping out the territory, then all of a sudden you hear this distant sound. You think to yourself, “am I just hearing things, did I just pass the source of the sound, am I heading the right direction?” Until the sound gets closer and you head towards the direction faster looking for where the sound is coming from and then you see him, Kass. This big blue bird, holding an accordion, playing a pretty sweet song and placed in spot where you least expect to find him. Finding him is one of the reasons why I loved this character, he’ll be located in spot across Hyrule you just don’t expect, And once you hear a snippet of his song your’re compelled to stop what your doing and find him and solve his puzzles. First time meeting him I spent a few minutes appreciating his catchy tune and made it a goal of mine to find every single spot he was stationed at. I was invested in his story and wanted to learn more about him along my journey. He reveals hidden shrines so its worth putting time aside to find him since it helps complete all the shrines anyways. Getting him home was gonna take some time but I loved bumping into him during my lonely travels and hearing him play. I wanted more background and story out of Kass and luckily we got a bunch more through the Champions Ballad expansion pass. Yay!!!

Korok

Till this day I’m still trying to track down each Korok. And getting to the Great Deku tree was still one of the toughest puzzles to figure out. But its worth the trouble. Gazing up at the night time sky underneath the Great Deku’s branches make for some really pretty shots.

Meeting Sidon

Mipha was the first champion I meet along with her family and the Zora people. I realized how complex and tedious it was going to be to actually look through every nook and crevice in each town/village. I spent two days exploring the Zora domain and all the surrounding area to complete the Zora outfit.

Dragon

First time seeing a dragon was from the edge of Lake Hylia and after that I had no clue of what they did, how to get close to one and how many more there were. Atop Mount Lanayru was where I met my first dragon.I spotted it from afar while climbing up the mountain and thought it was some kind of glow in the dark octopus but it wasn’t. Awaking it and bringing it back to its former self was fun to do and seeing it fly away happy and not sick with the ganon flu was nice. Wonder why the remaining two dragons didn't have a side quest where each one was unlocked? Does anyone find it wrong that in order to collect scales, horns, nails or whatever other drops the dragons leave behind, you have to shoot an arrow at it? Ouch!

Outfits

My favorite outfit is the Dark Tunic. The whole set gives you night time speed when you walk. And it scares the pants off of anyone who lays eyes on you. You get some interesting reactions from different NPCs and enemies.

Picasso... I mean Pikango

Always took the time to see how his paintings looked whenever I’d find him at a stable. I want to recreate a few of his paintings and put my own spin on it.

Gerudo Town

Eeeeeeeeee! Yup, my reaction was the same as Villa’s. I still see Link in the traditional Gerudo outfit on my timeline and I can’t lie, Link looks pretty cute in it. It was funny seeing him all shy in it and was a nice change of mood from the usual fight evil, save Zelda, tough knight vibe. Gerudo town was quicker to explore and interact with all it had to offer since it was in the middle of a huge sandbox. There was still a lot of ground I had left to cover outside of Gerudo town that I have yet to go back and explore. Its that big! Meeting Riju and seeing her hidden softer side was a great addition to her character and left me wanting to know more about her. So I had a bit of a sleep over at her place and got to see her act her age for once and read through her journal as well. I have an entire collection of shots following her around but that will be up on another separate post. There is so much you can learn from a character by just following them and seeing what they do on a daily basis. You see certain sides of them that you won’t normally see if they’re in specific areas or in front of other figures. Its amazing how they incorporated so much of their personality into the game by simply showing small mundane things they do around town, at their homes, or out in the open. Shes my favorite next gen champion and I resonated with her story more than any other character.

Bolson

This man made me my dream home. I wish I had this home in real life. And hes always out in the front of the house rocking his sick threads. If you complete his requests he’ll furnish the home with all the things a home owner should ever need. Terry used to work for him in the beginning but hes a whole other side quest that’s worth checking out too. I keep all my rare gear safe and sound hanging on my walls including a few of the champions gear. I come visit the house from time to time to either switch gear or change an outfits color.

Lynels

I don’t go anywhere near them unless I absolutely have to. It is not a fun time. There’s different shades of Lynel; blue, gold, silver and drop powerful gear like arrows, swords and ingredients too.

Shrine Monks

These guys look so creepy! Are they dead, mummified, or just dehydrated and decrepit. One interesting detail that I didn't realize until a couple shrines later was they all have different poses and props they use. Makes me wonder how powerful and knowledgeable the Sheikah were many years ago. They must have ruled back then because of all the advanced technology they created. Now the Sheikah tribe comprise of just a few members in a small quite village. Some have even gone rouge and become part of a new tribe called the Yiga clan. I can see why Purah stays the way she is cause Sheikah don’t age to well. Poor Impa.

Death Mountain

The center city where you’ll find most of the Gorons is small and didn’t take a whole lot of time to see everything, but outside of it takes time. There a few side quests peppered beyond the hardened volcanic border,in the pools of lava, as well as around the town heading up to the volcano. I advise you to bring your flame resistant outfit; you can get from Goron city, and max it out with the help of the fairies.

Scenery

This game is SO BEAUTIFUL. Sometimes I’ll be in the middle of a puzzle or walking down a hill and all of a sudden ill get a glimpse of the surrounding, then I end up staring at it and zooming in with the camera. Truly breath taking.

What was I suppose to be doing again..... oh yea, Zelda.

Memories

These were so tricky to figure out but finding one was so satisfying. I saved most of them till the very end, right before entering Hyrule castle. I would start by looking at an image and pinpointing areas in the background and guessing how far the picture was taken by looking at the foreground. 10/10 would do it all over again.

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herondaleholly31 · 5 years

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Studying with Scamander part 4

Theseus X Reader

Overview: You can’t help but notice the way Theseus acts around Leta, causing you to wonder if the kiss meant anything to him like it did for you.

A/N: hiyaaa! I know it’s been 2 weeks I’m really sorry I’m almost on Christmas break now which means 2 weeks of writing So I’ll be posting a lot more I promise. Thank you so much for all the support it still blows my mind!! Remember to send me any requests that you may want.

Like and Reblog!

Word count:1000

“Uh....Hi.”

Theseus Scamander looked up from the book he was reading his heart instantly started to hammer violently against his rib cage. He didn’t know what to say. After the kiss all Theseus had done was talk about you-it had got so bad that Newt, bored out of his mind hearing about how amazing you were, had simply walked away, muttering under his breath to what ever animal he was hiding in his breast pocket that day. And now, here you were and all Theseus could choke out was “hello.”

He tried to look nonchalant, but jammed his hands under the table so you wouldn’t see the way they’d started to sweat.

You slid into your normal seat, pulling your stuff out and setting up the usual book towers, with a parting in the middle so you could look at each other. He looked so cute today. You couldn’t help it-how was it possible for someone too look that good all the time? It should be illegal.

“So...how are you?”

“Hm?” You blinked, realising he was talking to you “Oh, fine thanks.”

“Good.”

“You?”

“Good. Fine. The usual.”

You frowned,perplexed. He was acting odd. Okay, you weren’t expecting some passionate make-out session and the exchanging of promise rings, but you at least thought that he’d want to talk to you.

That was it. The end to the conversation. This was then followed by ten minutes of awkward quill twirling, you cracking your knuckles and him scratching the slight stubble on his jaw. Both trying to get on with your work and both unsuccessful. Inside you were screaming. Why was he acting like this? Had the kiss really been that bad?

Just then, an unfamiliar voice piped up “Theseus, Hi!”

Theseus turned, his face breaking into a beaming smile “Hey Leta.”

Leta Lestrange. Already she was irritating because of how stunning she was-and she was a fifth year. You’d seen her with Newt in the corridors, heard what people had said about her-a ball of energy that you either hated or loved. You hadn’t quite decided which one you felt yet as you attempted to push your jealousy aside. She came up and walked into Theseus open arms, giggling lightly as he jokingly rocked her side to side, her raven hair bouncing “Oh, hey!” Leta smiled, breaking the hug. She held out her hand “I’m Leta.” You shook it and introduced yourself. Her eyes widened in recognition “you’re the famous Y/N!”

“Famous?” You asked.

“Theseus was just talking about his study friend yesterday!” She lovingly poked his shoulder “even choosing to stay at Hogwarts with her instead of coming to spend Christmas with my family like he always does.”

“Newt’s going with you!” Theseus smiled lightly.

“But I wanted to spend time with you.”

You weren’t listening anymore. All you could hear was the taunting drill of the word “friend.” You’d never felt so angry and hurt in your life. “Friend.” You tried to catch Theseus’s eye, but he was watching Leta with an expression that make your blood boil. You knew that you’d only just kissed recently but the fact that he was labelling you a friend made everything so much worse. And the way he was smiling at her, all caring and loving. You couldn’t compete with that. You tried to hide your tears by looking down at your work, letting you hair fall in front of you. Your ears were straining hard however, desperate to hear what Theseus was going to say.

“I do always love Christmas at yours.”

“There’s still time to book a seat on the train.”

For a second, he considered it. You were acting so odd around him, making the idea of spending Christmas together awkward and daunting. But when he looked over and saw you, he just couldn’t do it. He’d miss you too much.

“Ill pass thanks Leta,” he smiled politely, and she shrugged sadly.

“I’ll miss you,” Leta sighed, resting her hand on his shoulder.

“Look after Newt for me.”

“Yea Yea,” she rolled her eyes “I guess I’ll see you next term?”

He pulled her into one more hug “Merry Christmas Leta.”

“Merry Christmas Theseus,” Leta turned to leave, waving to you goodbye; you didn’t return it. You decided you definitely hated her. Leta walked off and the heavy cloud of uncertainty descended once more. You were tying to stay silent, biting the inside of your cheek until you could taste blood, but your anger was almost uncontrollable.

“She seemed nice.”

“She is,” Theseus nodded “we’ve been friends for years.”

You scoffed “yea right.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Well,” your tone was dripping with acidic sarcasm “I don’t fondle my male friends.”

“She wasn’t fondling me,” Theseus’s cheeks were flushed and his face scrunched up in confusion.

“She was stroking every part of you!” You mocked her high pitch tone, batting your eyelids and tossing your hair about “Ooo Theseus I wanted to spend time with you.” Theseus, stared aghast as you giggled sarcastically “I’ll miss youuuuu.”

“Why are you being so bitter?”

“I’m not.”

“Yes you are,” Theseus said, his gut twisting “she’s just a friend.”

“You sniffed “What, like I’m just a friend?”

“Y/N no! what’s with you?”

“I don’t know Theseus. Maybe because you’re too ashamed of me to tell your precious Leta the truth!”

There was a deathly silence. Theseus was stunned. He didn’t know what to do. He’d never seen you this angry; eyes sparkling with tears, your voice quivering with emotions. It honestly frightened him.

Gently, he repeated “Leta is just a friend.”

“Oh come on Theseus,” you choked “I see the way she looks at you.”

“And yet,” Theseus replied “all I see is you.”

Your heart fluttered wildly. The crushed quill in your hand was dropped, and you suddenly felt very vulnerable sat there, blotchy skin and heightened breath.

Theseus braced himself. “Do you regret it? The Kiss?”

You shook your head. “No.”

“Me neither.” Your heart swelled with relief and you instinctively reached out and grabbed one of his hands, allowing his fingers to gently tickle your palm as he smiled at your warmly. “I don’t think I ever could.”

“Well that’s a relief,” you laughed lightly.

He unlinked your hands to move around to sit by you, his eyes shining under the low light of the library. You were glad at this moment that you two were hidden by shelves of dusty books else everyone would see the way he was looking at you. Like what he was seeing was something so amazing he didn’t want to look away.

“I thought you didn’t want to be with me,” he admitted.

Your eyes widened “are you crazy? All I want to do is spend time with you.”

And that was all the conformation Theseus needed. Cupping your cheek he leant in, but stopped, your lips millimetres apart. He was teasing you. your skin started rippling with goosebumps. You looked into his eyes, the way at they twinkled behind his glasses, his slight smile. He paused a second more, enjoying the way you grew more and more desperate, before pressing his lips against yours.

This time the kiss was different. Both bodies in sync, breath small and quick with desperation as you didn’t want to stay away from each other my longer than You had to be. You could feel this one was different because It was both of you. Both of you were smiling. And as you kissed, you both felt the same thing; your hearts starting to fall.

#theseus scamander #theseus imagine #theseus x reader #ship of theseus #theseus x you #scamander x reader #callum #callum turner #fanfiction #fantastic beats and where to find them #cute #fbawtft #harry potter #hogwarts #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #newt

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hannahindie · 6 years

Text

Breathe - Part 4

Pairing: Dean x Reader Series Warnings: Fatal illness, character death, blood, canon violence, language, eventual smut, kidnapping. Word Count: 3,200 Square Filled: Fatal Illness Summary: Six months ago, Y/N runs into someone unexpected at the local bar while researching a case. For one night, she decides to forget and just try to be normal. Present day, Dean wants answers and Y/N isn’t sure how to explain herself. A/N: This is the fourth part of my SPN Angst Bingo Card series, hosted by @spnangstbingo. It will be seven parts, and the schedule has already been posted. It will post twice a week (Monday and Friday) until it wraps up.

It was beta’d by the ever fantastic and my writing soulmate @trexrambling: “ Don't we all. -happy sigh-”

My beautiful twinny, @pinknerdpanda: “oof...this would give me feelings to hear from the lips of Dean Winchester”

And my dear, sweet angel baby @masksandtruths: “Ughhhh. Yep I want to go cry in a corner now.”

Thanks to all three for helping a girl out so that her words make sense. I owe a lot to all of you.

As always, tags are at the bottom. If you’d like to be added, please let me know.

6 months earlier…

This bar is perfect. It's in the middle of nowhere, it's cheap, and so far not one person has tried to get my number or buy me a drink.

“Hey, sweetheart, can I buy you a drink?”

Never mind.

I take a deep breath then spin around to face the jackass that's ruining my perfect bar experience, “What makes you think-”

“Y/N?”

I should have recognized his voice, but I definitely recognize the green eyes sparkling in the dim light, his eyebrows raised in surprise as he realizes who he just tried to hit on.

“Dean?”

“Holy shit, what are you doing here?” He looks like he’s trying to decide if he should do something, like give me a hug or a hearty pat on the arm, but ends up just jamming his hands into his pockets. I give him an awkward smile.

“Working a case, what about you?” I turn back to the bar and he slides onto the stool next to me.

“We just finished one, heard there might be something over this way so we figured we'd check it out before we went home.” He waves down the bartender and orders two more beers.

“I'm not even sure it is a case. Haven't been able to find much, I'm starting to think it's a thing for the locals to handle. I figure I'll do some more research in the morning, head out of it’s nothing.” I take a swig from my beer as he waves the bartender down. “We? Sam is here too?”

“Yea, he said he wanted to research and the bar would be too loud. The campus library is open late, so he's camping out there for the night.”

We fall silent, and I wish it didn't feel so awkward. There didn't used to be this...space. Now it feels like we are on two totally different tracks, speeding along next to each other but never actually crossing paths. Not even when we are sitting mere inches apart. I won't lie; the feeling sucks.

“It's been awhile. Why haven't you called?” I look over and he's fiddling with the label on his beer, pulling it off the bottle in tiny pieces like he's always done when he's nervous.

I shrug, “It’s been busy. Phones work two ways, you know.” I’ll just leave out the whole ‘cancer takes a lot of out of you’ part, and the bit where I shouldn’t be mixing alcohol with my pain medicine.

“Fair enough.” He clears his throat, “Listen, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything...about Bobby, about what...what I said.” His voice is quiet, but the apology packs a punch. Dean isn’t usually one to apologize, at least not easily.

“You weren’t the only one that said shitty things, Dean. It’s not like I offered you a fresh glass of sweet tea and invited you to sit on the porch with me so we could talk about our feelings.”

He chuckles and I finish my beer, sliding it down the bar as I grab the one Dean just bought for me. “I guess that’s true.” He sighs, “What happened to us? We were...we were good, weren’t we? You, me, and Sammy...we were the best.”

I glance over and really look at him for the first time since he’s sat down. He looks tired, his face more haunted than it was the last time I saw him. He looks like he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and, considering he’s a Winchester, that’s probably not too far from the truth. He’s still handsome though; age has been kind to him. The crinkles at the corners of his eyes are more pronounced, and he looks like he hasn’t shaved in a few days. I like it, other than it hides how strong his jawline is.

“You still are.”

He smiles sadly and shakes his head, “If you knew...I’m not the best, not anymore.”

Without thinking, I put my hand on his arm and he looks up at me, “Life happened to us, Dean. And it’s not like one of the monsters that we can hunt down and destroy. Life sneaks up and picks and pulls you apart, and every once in awhile it gives you a little glimmer of hope, of what could be. If you’re lucky, the glimmer turns into something more, but for people like us...that’s all it is. A hope of what could be, not what’s going to happen. We save people, but we don’t save ourselves.”

I stare at my hand on his arm and remember what we used to be like; best friends, inseparable as soon as John put me in the backseat of the Impala. It wasn’t fair of me to blame him for Bobby’s death, but I had been angry and hurt. It never occurred to me that I wasn’t the only one that lost their father that day, not until it was too late, anyway. “You are a good man who has given up everything so that others don’t have to. I’m sorry I didn’t take the time to understand that before.”

Dean softly places his hand on top of mine and squeezes, “You’ve given up a lot, too.” He clears his throat and straightens up on the barstool, his hand moving from mine to his beer. “I think we need something a little stronger than beer. Still a whiskey girl?”

“You bet your sweet ass I am,” I respond with a smile, grateful that the familiar comfort I used to feel with Dean seems to have returned.

“D-do you remember that time we stole Bobby’s truck and went into town, I don’t even remember what we were lookin’ for, but we left and didn’t tell him?” I stumble slightly, and Dean catches my arm.

“How can you not remember what we were lookin’ for? You decided you wanted to go see Titanic, and you talked my stupid ass into it!”

I snort, “Pshtttt, you know you wanted to see some Kate Winslet boobies, don’t even pretend.”

“I had to pretend to be your brother so you could get in! Lemme just add that as much as I may have wanted to see Kate Winslet boobs, I by no means wanted to see them with you sitting next to me.”

“Listen, you loved that movie. I saw you cry.”

“Tha’s...tha’s bullshit. I don’t cry over chick flicks, ‘specially not when I’m with someone else in a public theater.” He gives his head an emphatic shake, as if that’s going to drive his point home.

“HA!” I stop and poke him in the chest, “You said ‘especially’, which means you’re not above doin’ it alone. Dean Winchester has feelings.”

“Oh, I had feelings, just wasn’t ‘bout the movie.”

“See! You have feelings, you just ad..mitt….wait, what?” My finger is still on his chest, and he smirks down at me.

“Y’heard me.” His eyes are sparkling, and the mischievous look he used to have when we were young is back. It makes him look like a kid again, and it’s enough to make me ignore how badly this could end. I forget that my decision has made this an impossibility, and I shift my hand so that it lays flat against his chest. He’s warm, God, he’s so warm and I can feel his heart beating against my palm.

“You had feelings?”

His hands land on my waist and he pulls me flush against him. I can’t tell if it’s the alcohol or his proximity, but my face feels hot as I stare up at him. “I never said they stopped.”

“Oh,” I breathe out, his words fuzzy and sharp at the same time. “I...d’ya want...I mean, my hotel room is jus’-” I don’t get a chance to finish my question because his lips are on mine and it’s like my entire brain short circuits. I would be lying if I said I never wanted to find out what this felt like. I assume any woman that looks at Dean wonders what it would be like.

I can promise you, there are no words to describe how it feels.

I can try. I can tell you that his lips are soft, softer than I could have ever imagined. He smells like gun oil and leather, with a hint of whiskey from our time at the bar. It reminds me of home, of riding in the backs of cars and learning how to fight, and how to care for people. He’s warm, even through all his layers it's radiating from him like a heater, and I can’t help but let my hands roam across his chest and down to the small of his back.

He pulls back and laughs softly and I take a moment to catch my breath. “What’s so funny?”

“I don’t think this can continue in public.” He shifts, and I am made aware as to why we should probably vacate the busy sidewalk.

“Come on, I think I can remedy that.” I grab his hand and start walking down the street again.

“Where are we going?”

“My hotel room, duh.” He laughs, and it’s like music to my ears. For the first time in a long time, everything feels...normal.

I’m not dying. We aren’t fighting monsters and evil, and we aren’t saving the world. We’re drunk, and we’re letting ourselves feel what normal people get to feel. It might just be a beautiful lie that we’re telling ourselves for this one night, but I don’t care. Because for once...for once it can just be us, and I don’t have to remember that it’s going to be short lived.

We stop in front of my motel room and I drunkenly dig through my pocket, but it’s made difficult by Dean grabbing me by the waist and pressing me against the wall next to the door.

“Dean, I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I can’t…mmmm...I can’t get to my key.” His teeth graze my throat, right at my pulse, and I nearly melt. I can feel him smiling against me and I smack his arm. “You’re a little shit, you know that?”

“Oh, I know.” He pulls back and lets me finally pull the key free, watching in amusement as I fumble it into the lock. “Know what else I know?”

I look back at him as the door swings open, “What?”

“I’m damn lucky we decided to stop in Omaha.” He picks me up and carries me into the room, slamming the door shut behind us with his foot.

He isn't the only lucky one.

Now…

It's the beeping that gets me, the incessant dinging of machines, whirring sounds and footsteps, and the never ending barrage of announcements over the intercom system that finally pulls me out of what feels like a coma. Then the smell takes over; a suffocating cloud of cleaners and sanitizers that I only ever encounter in hospitals.

My eyes slowly open to see a blurry form sitting in the chair next to me, chin against his chest as he breathes slowly in and out, the cadence making it obvious he's asleep. Sunlight is creeping through the long, vertical blinds, and the television is turned to some daytime talk show rerun.

“Oh, you're awake!” I roll my head towards the door and see a smiling nurse walk through it and watch as she checks whatever machines I'm hooked to. “You gave us all quite the scare.”

“Sorry…” I don't know what else to say.

“Aww, honey, you don't need to be sorry. I'm just glad to see you're awake. I think he will be, too. He's refused to leave this entire time. Not even the threat of a security escort seemed to phase him.”

I look back over at Dean, who's shifted enough so that his head is tilted against the back of the chair, his mouth hanging open. “That sounds about right.” I struggle to sit up more, and she hurries over.

“Here, let me give you a hand. I'm going to call your doctor, she said she needs to have a little chat with you.” Her face falls slightly as she smooths out the blanket, then she clears her throat and suddenly the smile is back, “I'll be right back.”

“Wait…”

She turns to look at me, “Yes?”

“How long have I been out?”

Her smile disappears again and a crease appears between her brows, “Four days.” She disappears around the corner quickly as if she wants to avoid any other questions and I sigh. Four days.

I grab for the remote, but for a second it's like my hands forget how to do their job, like my brain isn't connected to them, so I juggle it for a second before it slips out of my hand and hits the floor with a crash. Dean jerks upright in his chair.

“What?! What the hell?” It takes a minute for his brain to register where he is and what made the noise, and I watch his eyes come into focus as he stares at me. “You're awake.”

“Yea…” I can feel tubing pressing against my nose and I reach up to pull it off. Dean leans over and puts his hand over mine, gently pushing my hand down to the bed.

“Leave it, they just got you stable enough to use that instead of a mask.” He leans back and watches me, but stays quiet. He looks like he’s thinking about what to say; I know he has a lot of questions, and I’m afraid of what he’ll ask first. I also wonder what he already knows, and how he’s managed to get in here and stay for such an extended amount of time.

“How’d you manage to not get kicked out?”

“Told ‘em we were married, that we were on our honeymoon.”

I would laugh, but I know it’s going to hurt. Judging by the look on his face, it probably isn’t wise anyway. “What about Sam?”

“Told ‘em he lives nearby and that we were visiting him. He’s getting coffee right now.” He crosses his arms, “It was a little harder to explain all the bruises, and why you were pumped full of painkillers before you got here. And the massive amount of blood you were coughing up, see that was the hardest one, because they just assume a husband would know his wife’s medical history.”

“Well, we aren’t actually married-”

“Nope, I’m gonna stop you right there.” He leans forward, his elbows on his knees, and the look of betrayal on his face makes it incredibly hard to look him in the eye. “We are family, Y/N. I get that maybe I want more than that, and that you aren't ready for it. That's fine, but you are still my family. We are supposed to take care of each other. We’re supposed to have each other’s backs, and you lying about this...it could have gotten any of us killed. You realize this, right? I should have realized at the hotel something was wrong...I should know the difference between lipstick and blood.”

“Dean…”

“Listen, I’m not...I’m not angry. I feel like I should be, but I’m not. I just want to understand why you didn’t think you could trust me with this. Why did you not let us help you?”

“It’s difficult to explain-”

“Hello, Y/N.” I recognize the voice before I even turn to face whoever interrupted me.

“Hey, doc.”

She walks around to the end of the bed, clipboard in hand, and glances over at Dean, “This is your husband?” I swallow nervously; she knows I’m not married. It’s not been that long since I’ve seen her. The look in her eyes is a soft accusation, but when I nod in confirmation, she gives him a gentle smile. “Nice to meet you.” She looks down at the chart and when she looks back up, I can see it on her face. “I think you probably know what I’m going to tell you, but I’m guessing he’d like to know what’s going on, and I think you need to know exactly how bad this is.”

That’s the one thing about her that I like; she’s straightforward, no bullshit. She somehow knows that Dean has no idea what’s going on, and I’m simultaneously impressed and terrified. He was never supposed to know about this. I was going to go out hunter style, a blaze of bloody glory. I was alone. Why didn’t I just stay alone?

“Your cancer has spread. It’s no longer just in one lung and the lymph nodes on that side, it’s in both, which is why you began to cough up so much blood. Honestly, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened sooner. Your body is exhausted, and it’s starting to give up. Without treatment…” she trails off and looks at Dean, who looks like he’s about to be sick. “Even with treatment, it will simply be done to keep you comfortable, though it may prolong your life slightly. Without treatment, your time is very limited. I’m...I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“It’s okay. Well, it’s not okay, but...I chose this. I knew what was going to happen.”

She nods, then gently pats my blanketed leg, “I’m going to go, give you some time to decide.” She looks at Dean one last time, then walks out of the room, shutting the door behind her. I drop my head back against the pillows and close my eyes. Shit.

“Cancer?” His voice is quiet, but rough with held back tears. I squeeze my eyes shut tighter; I can’t look at him.

“Dean, I’m sorry. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Omaha...I didn’t…”

“What are you going to do?” I look at him sharply, but he’s looking down at his hands instead of me.

“What do you mean?”

He looks up, and his eyes are even brighter from the tears he’s fighting against. It hurts more than anything else he could even say. “Are you going to do treatment, or no?”

I swallow thickly, knowing he’s not going to like the answer. I don’t like the answer, but it’s for the best. “I’m tired, Dean. I’m tired and broken, and I can’t drag this out longer. I just can’t. I don’t want to waste away in some bed somewhere, knowing that I’m just putting off the inevitable. I want to go home...I want to spend time with you and Sam, I want to save as many people as I can before it’s over. I just...I wanna go home.”

He blinks, then rubs a palm roughly against his eyes as he stands up, “Okay, well, let’s bust you out of here then. I’m gonna go talk to the nurse. I’ll...I’ll be back to get you. If Sammy comes back while I’m gone, let him know where I went.” He walks out of the room without another word.

I lay back and close my eyes, and I feel a tear roll down my cheek.

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

Read Part 5 HERE.

Like what you see? Would you like to see more? My Masterlist is here!

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SPN Angst Bingo: @thekarliwinchester @emptywithout @winchesterxtwo @aubreystilinksi @castianityislife02

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thornsuntitledtrash · 6 years

Photo

old art of mine, been redoing stuff and stuff. I’ll post some of the old stuff with the new stuff. I have saved drawings all over my room and computer.

Surface life

Image 1; Red walked into his favorite bar for a much needed drink and finds a new face. Sitting on the bar stole was a woman, drinking shots left and right. She pause for a moment. pulls out a hand full of crushed $20′s and slams them on the bar table.

“6 more, please and thank you.” a little loader then what was intended. Chillby turned his head.

Chillby look at her and sighed, “....As I said before, I cant leave so many drinks on the bar top....but i will take your money. ”Chillby smiled and took the money and began making her drink.

“ugh fine, just easier to line them up and drink it with out waiting for the next one.” She said in a drunk whisper. She lean back a bit and closed her eyes.

Red sat down on his stole. The bar was slow tonight, a few customers here and there. Even a few humans in the far back table. Which is rare, but if they have the cash Chillby will gladly take it. As long as their not starting trouble. This being a monster bar and all. You get the Dumbest humans making the Stupidest comments. Some raciest some borderline looking for a fight.

Chillby walks by and passes the woman her drink and walks up to Red, giving him his mustered without even asking.

“Hehe Thanks Chillby, been just die-en for a drink.” Red smiles and starts to drink. He hears a small snort from the woman two seats across from him. Her free hand holding her face head turned away, blocking his view of her. Chillby saying nothing walks off to attended to other customers. Clearly not in the mood tonight. Red smiles. He will leave Chillby be for now. He found a new distraction for the night.

He eyed the woman, dirty blond hair. She was a little on the short side. 5′2 or 5′3 maybe, but every human is short compared to him. She had on a gray button top with no sleeves, and a large magenta colored sweater that started at her upper arms going well over her hands and ending along her hips. To him it looked like on of those sweater dresses. Or it could be on XXXL sweater, either way she looked good. Her legs were long and curvy, covered in black knee high socks. Red whistled to himself. ‘Nice’. He is a leg man, and those are some nice legs. Head still turned away from him but now looking at her drink. He seen a few good looking human woman. Though none would give him the time of day. Which is no skin off his nose. He-he!. But this Chick looked different, body wise. She gave off the feeling, ‘ I don’t care. Leave me to my drink. Don’t bother me. ’ type of feeling. Not in a real rude way either. Also there was something about her. Something that he couldn’t put his finger on about her. She seem different from the humans across the bar. If anything she seem more similar to Monsters then human.

Come to think about it’s not the first time he had this same feel before with a human. Walking down the street he would past someone and not really paying much attention think it was a Monster but then turn and see a human. He shrugged it off and go about his way. Another time would be when he and Boss was shopping in a isle of can goods there was a spill. Chill Sauce, I think. Boss yelled that there was filth in the Isle. 3 seconds we both felt something, magic in the air. Boss thought it was an attack and was preparing his own attack so was he. We turned to see a human Employee run over and pause she said, “what spill?”. Boss pointed to where the spill was and there was none. The next Isle over someone yell back, ”Sorry!”.... but how did they get to the spill past us to the next Isle over?. We went to the next Isle and saw two humans talking, a Man scolding a child about being more careful when holding glass jars. Boss walked off making a comment on at least these humans have cleaning standers. Red followed thinking nothing of it after that.

Taking a big gulp of is mustered, Red looked at the woman finishing off her 2 out of 3 colorful shots. taping the last 1 with her finger. He decided. he wanted her attention. He didn’t know why. Maybe to see if her face matches the body he was admiring from two seats over. Getting up he walked over and sat down in the stole next to her. She somewhat laugh at the not intended pun earlier. Maybe that will get her attention now.

“Hey, haven’t see ya here before. I would buy you a drink but it looks like ya got it. Looks like 2 down and 4 to go.” Red says finishing the rest of mustered. She turned her head and looked at Red. ”Sorry had to ‘mustered’ up the courage to ask.” Hmm not bad. Not bad at all. Round face, full pink lips, pale skin, and her eyes. Icy blue eyes with a hint of violet. Her eyes looked relaxed could be drunk.

“..... Ha-ha, 6 down and 4 more to go yes. 1 more if your still interested in buying me a drink.” Maybe not drunk. She didn’t seem drunk if anything, just tipsy.

This went on for about 30 minutes. Puns flying and a little flirting here and there. Red had down 4 mustered bottles and she finished off her 4. He got her the drink he promised. Red found he was have a good time. She appeared to be have a good time as well. At some point they were interrupted by the humans at the table. Making rude comments about Monsters and Magic.

“ Hey Monster Stick to your own Kind.” one of human males yell out. His face clearly disgusted at there display. Which to be far was just talking. Nothing more.

Red was getting ready to tell him to shove it but was cut off. “I don’t think he should he has been great company. Plus if u have a issue here’s a tissue.” The woman he had been talking to tossed a balled up tissue there way. The turn back to Red as if nothing happened. “By the way you never introduce yourself.” she said to Red with a laid back smile. She was right I never did. Lets fix that. he he.

“ Ha!, your right. The name Sans, Sans the Skeleton but you sweetheart can call me Red.” Smiling Wide, Red put out his hand for a handshake. Her hand held his. He noted that her hands were small and warm. Cute.

“ Well Red nice to finally know the name of the person i have been talking to for half an hour. My name is -”

“ Hey what’s your problem you into Monsters or some shit!.” The same human called out. “ Bet she is one of those types. yea? Like’s the danger thrill right!” Getting everyone attention in the bar. though there was only just them, Red and her at the bar and a 2 humans at a both by the door and a Monster bear looking out the window from his seat.Oh and Chillby not looking happy. “ If you looking for fun tonight just come on over. We will give you what your looking for.” He pulled up his shirt. showing off his broad chest. His Buddy's cheered.

“ Your safe will use. We have what you need, Skin for one!.” the male to his right call out show off this arms. The other was cheering his friends on recording with his phone. All 3 looked looked to be in there 20ish. All of them Drunk.

“Pf-ft hah hah haa!, who comes to a monster bar and is racist and ignorant of the people around them.” She turns her head to them looking bored. Her smile gone and eyes narrowed. “ You know what......there is a lesson here. Its people like you who get on my nerves. You say stupid things to get a rise out people. Thinking that if they do something I got friends, that got my back.” She sipped her drink and leaned on her other elbow. “ Whats wrong? can’t hold your own? Have to show how ‘manly’ you are by insulting others? or Show off what ‘little’ you have?” Clearly not interested in the their display. “if anything it’s cowardly. and I hate cowards.”

Red was a little taken a back. Chillby was just about to walk over and most likely throw them out. When there was a feeling of magic in the air like an magic attack was readying, but it was off it felt more like magic tension or-

“Chicken Shit...” She said pointing a finger at the first offender who made the first rude comment who started this. Magic came from her finger. Orange and Purple magic shot from her finger out it to the human male. There was a flash then a poof. In his place was a....

“..........bak bak”

“Dude! What the Fuk!!” said his buddy to the left

“ He’s a Chicken!!, A fuckin Chicken!!!. The other said dropping his phone.

Chillby, Sans, The Bear Monster and the other 2 Humans starred eyes and eyes light wide. Some Shocked that a now chicken is where a man once stood.

“ Not a chicken really but a rooster. I was going for Chicken ‘Shit’ but I’m a little more then tipsy. But I got results.” She got up and went to the door after downing the her last drink.

“Hey! What the fuck lesson is there to learn.!. Your braking the law using magic us normal Humans. Fucking Mages!” He scream looking at his now chicken friend.

“....Oh right the lesson. Um mm, don’t mess with People and keep your opinion to yourself. Plus this is a magic zone. Where I can use magic. Anyway he will change back in few.” She made it to the door then paused. “ Almost forgot.” She turned to Red and smiled and said, “ The names Yvette.” She left.

Tada!!! old art with story. The next image is just trying out faces for the sans and pap’s. The other image will have a story later on. Ill post it next maybe.....^w^/ Hope my spelling and storytelling is understandable.

#my art #my story #undertale #undertale related #underfell red #OC mages #funny... i hope

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thoughtsandeverythingelse · 3 years

Text

hmm

honestly i didnt see a point in writing this, but i think since it has been on my mind, perhaps it will be good to note down what i am feeling.

the idea of struggling to receive love has been so evidently lately, and it’s been bugging me to understand why it has been so hard. is it because my birthday is coming up - that i am forcing myself to think that i should have no expectations? is it because love has been a lot clearer, a lot more evident lately? that i am able to spot what i like, what i dislike lately? i struggle because i see people trying to love me, but at the very end i am realising parts of love that i truly delight, and parts of love that i find hard to receive. hard to receive can be interpreted in two ways: that i truly dont like the way you are loving me because i dont feel loved by your act (even though it has great intentions), or that i just genuinely think your love is so great that i totally dont deserve it.

perhaps thats what i feel with certain things; like the way a friend chooses to buy me a gift (ok to be fair, i hinted that i wanted it and i knew he would get it) but also just the very fact that he chose to get it for me. i feel like i dont deserve that, but yet again, i am not sure why. this probably emphasises that fact that why is it then i am okay with receiving God’s love? why is it that i dont feel the need to ‘make it up’ to Him? okay perhaps i feel like i do, which is why a part of me feels that this life isnt mine, and that i only have to live for Him. i am writing this post also because earlier i had a (very enjoyable) long call with a boy. it has been a while, and it is ironic because i just told myself last night ‘okay i will not want to text him anymore’. but tonight i received my results for a paper that i wrote, a paper that i truly struggled with (literally, when i freaked out 30mins before a submission) and by some strange chance, he was a part of that process. so i thought that it would be nice, that he could be a part of this process of me receiving my grades too. i mean, he was there from the beginning, i dont see why not that i cant include him in this process too. but a part of me knows that perhaps i have ill intentions. that i wanted to talk to him bc i wanted attention, that i wanted to hear him, that i wanted to tell him everything.

you see, a while ago he had his driving test. strange enough, nobody knew about it. not many i guess, im not sure who he told to and who he didnt. but i only knew i was one of the privileged few that knew.

i bought something for him - and even though i thought i resolved it, till this day, i am still questioning a tad big of my intentions.

i bought him a P plate. it has been on my mind for a while, googled it, searched it up, asked around, everything. i dont mean to be calculative, but i find myself calculating my efforts in case my intentions were ill. i told myself that i wanted to do it because ‘i wanted to love him’. i truly did though, but at the same time, did i want to love him because i wanted him to love me back? did i want to love him because i want to show him that i am capable of loving this way? i feel so sick that i have to question my intentions all the time, and it has been getting so tiring. but at the same time, i see its necessity. if i dont, i might fall hard. i might not guard my heart, and i might end up feeling hurt. all self-incurred, yea? i wanted to thank him for believing in me. even when i didnt myself. and i wanted do the same for him. you see, i am not the best at giving gifts. i feel honestly, i am terrible at it. very terrible. but i saw this as an opportunity. that this could be a chance where i could learn to give gifts, as a form of my appreciation to love him. but with emotions in play, i am worried about my intentions. i honestly thought about it for a very very long time. i had many instances where i wanted to bring it up with him. even talking about it tonight, i need to process it. i wanted to tell him right after his exam. but he failed, he was emotional - i didnt want to hurt him and make him feel like a failure, like a slap in the face, yknow? we talked a few days later after my dinner. he told me he knew why he was upset, but he didnt tell me why he was upset. i understood. i wanted to give him space. because of that, i decided that it wasnt a good time too. tonight, he shared with me what he truly felt. why he felt like failing the driving test was a horrible thing. he said that its because it made him feel less like a man. i dont think i can make him feel like a man. but in that moment, i felt like i really just wanted to encourage him, with the (simple) act of love, the least i could do. the thing is, we’re meeting again this weekend, and potentially going over to his house after the meeting. it was as if i thought about everything, like okay maybe by some sheer luck, i’d meet him at the bus stop. then i’d sneak it to him secretly (by putting it into his bag), or just passing it to him, with no explanations (which honestly isnt something i wanted to do, i wanted to explain my intentions, and why i did it - perhaps to prevent him from feeling like i gave him a slap in the face). since we were going to his house, i thought about it. perhaps i’d sneak it in his room, in his study table. then we leave, i’d tell him to check it there. i wanted to make sure this plan was good, so that nobody would have the chance to ask him about it, so that he wouldnt have to bring it up. the last thing i want, is for him to feel like i exposed him about his failure to everyone, yknow? i thought about it all. but yet tonight - felt intimate. it felt like the right time. perhaps, a part of me just couldnt wait, so i did it.

i mean yea clearly he liked it. he said that it was sweet, and he thanked me for it. but the more we spoke, the more i felt like okay perhaps this guy isnt interested in me. that really, i am not the one for him. funny how - i tell God that i have to let this go into His arms, but here am i trying to control every move. funny, isnt it?

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thebibliosphere · 7 years

Note

Hey, I'm really sorry to bother you and I hope I'm not out of line but I just read your newest post about your stomach and I'm curious... Do you have any idea what's wrong? See, I've got something similar and for the last year and a half I've been living on rice, chicken and the few veggies that don't make me sick. I've lost a third of my original weight, but all the doctors I've gone too have no idea what's wrong! Which is why I'm asking. I hope I'm not out of line and I wish you the best day!!

Not a damn clue. My diagnosis currently ranges from “you’re overweight try losing weight” (no longer valid since I dropped fucking 20lbs in a month and likely wasn’t valid for most of my symptoms to begin with) it’s “just” IBS (a chronic condition unto itself which too few people including doctors seem to realize and dismiss as non life impacting simply because it’s “common”) leaky gut caused by allergies (previously thought to be celiac but repeatedly tested negative for) chronic GERD (somewhat more under control than it was to the point when I am off my meds which worsened the other symptoms) vocal chord dysfunction (previously misdiagnosed as asthma which before that was misdiagnosed as purely anxiety when in fact the reason I was panicking was because I couldn’t breathe) “it’s just anxiety” (which yes I have anxiety, but I’ve realized a LOT of it was being caused by allergies causing a near constant adrenaline response so that was fun. Nice to know I was on sedatives as a teenager because no one bothered to listen to me when I said eating XYZ hurt), hormonal problems (despite my hormones always being “normal”), and last but not least “I mean, it could be fibromyalgia or an autoimmune disease, your symptoms are kind of hard to pin down”. That latter part being a direct quote from a doctor.

I’ve also had severe issues with my teeth, which since I have switched to a holistic dentist, have largely been resolved. (Still in pain, but every time he does something my health bounces up a notch so it’s a process I’ll be working with him toward fixing over the next few years. He even suspects I might have been getting mercury poisoning from some seriously dangerously over the limit leaking amalgam fillings I got in my early teens. He’s also the only dentist willing to remove my root canal teeth because they’ve never fully healed.)

So. Yea. I have some of my own possible theories that it might be SIBO which many doctors here in the US seem reluctant to even admit is a real thing (my current dr certainly doesn’t and will not test for it despite it being an easy culture test to do) and some possible genetic fuckery/immune system bullshit. Both my parents are extremely ill people with very similar issues, my dad even has an autoimmune disease he doesn’t care enough to even remember the name of so I can’t just narrow the field and test directly for that. Thanks dad.

The difference between me and them is I am actively trying to get a diagnosis and claw some semblance of health/sanity back before I turn into a hermit resigned to dying young.

A big thing for me seems to be allergies/intolerances which have sprung up in the last few years. (Rice is the first thing doctors recommend for eating “plain” food but it’s actually a huge trigger food for a LOT of people) Eating only organic seems to have helped (suggesting a preservative allergy, which my allergist just kind of said “I believe you, but there’s no reliable test for it so just...don’t eat them”)

Which is where you find me at now, two years down the rabbit hole of trying to get an accurate diagnosis. As for asking questions, it’s entirely okay to ask questions. I’ve pretty much wound up documenting my chronic health issues because a) it was helping me to keep track of things and then b) my blog got popular due to shenanigans and then a bunch of other people started going “HEY ME TOO” and we’ve created a sort of exhausted support group for each other and also c) the number of people who message me on a daily basis to tell me it helps them to know they are not alone is just...I’ve cried twice today at some of the messages I’ve gotten, and at the time of typing this it’s not even noon.

I do not mind being public with any of this because gods help me if someone can figure out some small puzzle piece of their life from me falling apart then in some small way it will be worth it. Cause I know what that feeling is like. And I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Chronic health issues are so incredibly isolating.

So yea...next step I’m off to see a natruopathic/functional medicine doctor (yes I made sure they are licensed physicians and not just crazy hippies) in the hopes that she might have some answers for me, or is at least willing to listen to me, which uh, yeah, the more you refuse to accept suffering to be your way of life, many doctor’s don’t seem to appreciate. I had my GI doctor tell me I shouldn’t google my symptoms and just accept the fact that the meds he prescribed for the chronic GERD would dissolve my intestines which, hahahahah, ha. No. I do not accept that. Not even a little bit.

#chronic health tag #nessaelanesse

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