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potter-imagines · 3 years

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A Worm? - Fred Weasley

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

Prompt: It’s three in the morning and Fred can’t sleep. Luckily for him, his girlfriend has to most random questions on her mind.

Notes: I've seen this on tiktok as trend to text your boyfriend so I made it into a write, hope you enjoy (:

Warnings: None (: (making out if that counts ???)

Word Count: 3.9k

You know that feeling of finally retreating to your room and crashing down on your bed after a strenuous day? Getting to snuggle into the warmth of the soft mattress and engulf your body in massive heaps of blankets, it was one of the greatest feelings in the world to Fred Weasley. Although what made it absolute perfection was the nights when his girlfriend, Y/n Y/l/n, would join him. Sleepovers were no rarity for the couple- nor for their roommates who had begrudgingly accepted the constant giggling and whispering throughout the night. Weekend sleepovers were his favorite as it meant neither of them were scrambling to get out of bed for class in the morning and he could lay with her for as long as they wanted.

Tonight was no different. Nearly every living soul occupying the lands of Hogwarts was fast asleep, lulled into a galaxy of dreams. Fred wondered if he was the only one awake at such an hour. The darkness from the nighttime sky poured into the room through the glass windows. The light casted shadows around the room making it difficult to make out the different shapes. Fred could barely make out the sleeping frame of his twin brother, George, who was tucked in his bed feet away. Similar was Lee, however his thunderous snores echoed off the walls giving confirmation that was in a deep sleep.

On Fred’s half of the room the silence was deafening. Lee’s snores had become second nature for Fred to block out and in all honesty, didn’t bother him much. Growing up in a home with eight other people, he had that keen ability to muffle out the noise around him. He had to in order to keep a piece of his sanity intact. No one in their sane mind could sit and listen to Ron and Ginny bicker for longer than five minutes before wanting to rip their hair out of their skull. In the same way, noise was comforting to Fred. Yeah, he ignored it for the most part, but it was a familiar feeling to be surrounded by loudness. It was discomforting in a way how still the world felt. Few and far between were the moments when Fred had time to himself. Now that he did, he didn’t want it.

Stealing a glance down to his chest Fred smiled at the sight. Y/n’s head was pressed against his sweatshirt covered chest and her hand was clenched around the material. Her body was cuddled close to him with a blanket draped over them. Fred watched as her stomach lightly rose and fell with every breath. He had lost track of time, not entirely sure how long he had been holding her. Seconds meshed into minutes which grew to hours. He was sure he’d been staring at the ceiling for almost three hours. His attention flipped back and forth, like the pages of a magazine. From the angle he laid, Fred wasn’t able to see if Y/n was awake like him or passed out like his roommates. In a cruel way he wanted to wake her on purpose just for the selfish purpose to hear her voice. He resisted the urge to ‘accidentally’ break her slumber.

Fred’s hand traced patterns on her back absentmindedly as his thoughts drifted like a sailboat floating along the ocean waves. The Quidditch match had taken a large toll on his muscles and all he wanted was to rest. Playing Slytherin was a sure guarantee someone would walk away with an injury- or be carried away. Although Fred knew he wasn’t injured, his arms ached with every slight move from the force he had exhilarated during the match. As much as he desired to switch positions and lay on his side, he couldn’t bring himself to disturb the girl resting in his arms. From her steady breathing he figured she had fallen asleep, that was until her head suddenly popped up from his chest causing the warmth of her head to flee his body. Her quick movement took Fred by surprise as his hand halted and his eyes fixed on the girl. The feeling of sleepiness was fading as her large doe eyes glanced back up at him. Oddly enough, she appeared to be wide awake.

Arching a brow at her Fred looked utterly confused. If her alertness hadn’t startled him enough, her next actions would leave him mind boggled. Y/n perched herself up to a sitting position and wiggled over to place her legs over either side of Fred’s body so she sat in his lap as he laid. A childlike smile graced her lips at the small gasp of surprise from Fred. Tiredness vanished in her eyes as she tilted her head.

“Hey, Freddie?”

“Yes, angel?” He asked cautiously.

His hands reset to her waist to keep her steady as she sat. The stained glass window to the side of his bed allowed a glimpse of moonlight to create a beautiful gradient across her face. The moonlight, a glowing yellowy white, projected an ethereal glow around her. He swore he could see millions of tiny stars sprinkled along her skin, gleaming pin pricks of sparkles gleaming in her e/c eyes.

Y/n leaned forward to wrap her arms around Fred’s neck causing him to mimic her and sit up so his back was pressed to the bed frame. He grabbed the heavy cotton blanket from behind her and draped it over her shoulders. She smiled bashfully in gratitude. Peeking up to Fred, whose face was only a handful of inches from hers, she whispered,

“If I were a worm, would you still love me?”

Fred’s features scrunched in an instant at her question as he pulled back slightly. Half expecting for her to start giggling and the other half completely flabbergasted, Fred gaped at her in confusion. Yet Y/n’s face remained stoic in seriousness as she awaited his reply. He gave her a funny look, as if she’d grown an extra eye. Repeatedly his mouth fell open, then closed again as he failed to formulate a proper thought.

“I’m sorry- if you were a what?”

“A worm.” She repeated once again.

Fred forced himself to bite his tongue to hold his laughter in. As much as he wanted to chuckle at her randomness, she seemed so invested in his answer he didn’t know what to do. Fred averted his gaze to the window in search of an answer. His brain was stuck frozen, like the tracks in his mind were broken. Turning his attention once more to Y/n, Fred squinted his chocolate brown eyes as if examining her peculiarly.

“And why would you be a worm?”

Clearly annoyed by his constant string of questions Y/n let out a breathy huff as she rolled her eyes. Her hands waved up briefly, shooing his inquiry away without second thought. Shaking her head she pressed further. “Because I just am, now answer the question.”

Stillness entered the room while Fred pondered to himself. This time he didn’t hold back the teasing grin that spilled on his face.

“Well, am I worm too?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows to her suggestively. Y/n shoved his shoulder back playfully as she giggled softly. Fred always knew how to make her smile, even if the situation didn’t call for it. Even if it was three in the morning and the two of them should be flying through a dreamland of sleep.

Fred’s back leaned into the wood of the frame as he allowed his head to touch against it. Locks of ginger hair brushed against his face. Instinctively Y/n moved her hand out to skim them away from his eyes so she could see them. Fred fought a mental war against the shiver that threatened to escape his body from her gentle stroke. Shaking her head, Y/n shot down his interrogation. “No, you’re just a regular person.”

“So I would be a Muggle in love with a worm?” Fred chuckled at the bizarreness to her rules for her imaginary prompt. Although he hadn't a clue where this was heading, it was entertaining and he had every intention of paying into it, including teasing the girl a tad. There was something so adorable about the flashes of anger and frustration that snapped across her face at his procrastination to answer. Fred found it irresistible. The way her cute face knotted into uncomfortable glares and frowns while he continued to toy with her. He loved it.

Y/n sighed to herself, certainly growing exhausted then reiterated,

“No, no, you’re still you, I’m just a worm.”

“A magic worm?” His eyes widened in feign excitement while her’s narrowed. As much as she loved the childlike nature that was weaved into her boyfriend’s soul, it made it impossible at times to have a serious conversation- not that she truly considered this to be a serious conversation.

A deadpan mien was planted on her face. She turned for a moment to make sure George and Lee were still passed out. Then, she moved her head back to Fred before raising her voice a notch to ensure the message was received loud and clear.

“A worm, Fred.”

His fingers fiddled with the loose strings on her shorts as he pretended to debate his answer. Lips pursed into a thin line, Fred brought his pointer finger up to his chin and hummed.

“I mean… sure?”

Y/n’s grip around his neck loosened immediately at his answer. Her mouth skimmed the ground as genuine displeasure entered her veins. She pulled her arms back to cross them tightly against her chest. Fred’s hands found their previous position on her waist in order to keep her from falling off. She pouted over to Fred with her bottom lip poking out. She tried her absolute best to put everything she had into the over dramatic sad puppy look she had mastered. Fred only cooed at her and pinched the skin of her cheeks between his fingers lightly. Y/n grabbed his hand, pulling it away from her face with a scowl. Despite her glowering appearance, Fred felt a smug grin sneaking up.

“That isn't reassuring at all.” She said with a pointed tone.

Fingers pressed to the bridge of his nose, Fred groaned dramatically as he ran his calloused hand against his skin. Peering up to Y/n he brought his hand up to occupy the warm skin on the back of her neck. He drew his hand closer, pulling her towards him, causing their foreheads connected in a tender touch. The bottom hem of his old tee that she now used as a nighttime shirt tickled his arm as she happily leaned in. With their faces barely an inch apart, Fred lifted his hips to place a sweet, chaste kiss to her lips.

“But angel, you’re not a worm.”

“Just pretend!” She grumbled. Although Fred smirked right at her and, in a very snarky manner, said ‘no’. Y/n clenched her jaw in annoyance at his stubbornness and just as she went to tell him again to play along, a light bulb of an idea sparked in her head.

Stealing a glance over either shoulder, Y/n checked to assure both George and Lee were still snoozing. George was practically laying off his bed in a sideways fashion while Lee was spreading starfish across the whole mattress. She swore she could see the drool dripping from his chin from across the room. Her focus swerved to Fred as she felt him adjust under her. Providing him with absolutely no leeway to her plan at all, Y/n locked her arms around Fred’s chest and shoved him down so he was forced to lay on the bed. His breath hitched as his head smacked into the fluffy pillow. The darkness obscured his view leaving him lost at the turn of events until he felt the pressure of her knees pinning his arms to his side. Just like a war attack, she ambushed him. Y/n danced her fingers at lightning speed across his chest and under his arms. Fred broke out into a booming fit of laughter at the abrupt tickle war imposed on him as he desperately fought to get her body off of his. His feet kicked wildly as he tried to free himself but she had too strong of a hold. Fred tried to hold his laughter back but it was all too much for his bdy to handle and the uncontrollable giggles wouldn’t stop.

Y/n laughed at him as she continued to tickle every inch of his upper body that he wasn’t successfully covering. His frantic squirms made it difficult for her to torture him to the best of her ability, however she put up a considerable fight until Fred managed to slip his hand out from between his waist and her knee. Once he did, Fred clamped his hand to her side and flipped the pair around so he was the one sitting on top of her. Both of their chests heaved rapidly as they attempted to catch their breath, both grinning like fools. Fred moved his body to sit in front of her as Y/n took over his previous spot. His hand still remained clenched around her side to keep her from attacking once more. Struggling to regain his composure, Fred gave the girl a teasing glare.

“Fine! Yes, I would still love you very much, even if you were a slimy little worm.”

A satisfied gleam adorned her face as she gave a small cheer. Her arms extended as a welcoming for him to enter. He bent towards her to allow her arms to be thrown around his shoulders. The hug encapsulated his body in a blanket of comfort and love from the feeling of her skin. Fred pressed his lips to her neck and just as he did, her voice broke the air.

“And you’d still give me kisses and cuddles?”

His loud sigh was audible to everyone in the room as his head fell to her chest.

“How in the bloody hell am I supposed to cuddle a freaking worm-” Before he could finish his sentence, Fred saw the look of sadness clouding over his lover’s features and stopped himself. That famous, moody pout had crept its way up and Fred fell victim like always. He reached his hand out to pick hers up from her lap and laced their fingers. Lifting her hand, his lips kissed each of her knuckles then set her hand down on his leg.

“You’re unbelievable… but yes, I would still give you kisses and cuddles. Just not in front of people-” Y/n snatched her hand away from his and threw it across her chest with an animated scoff.

“So you’d be ashamed of me?”

“I hate you so much right now, why the hell are you even asking me?”

The jokingness of the situation breezed out from the room as Y/n tensed. Fred watched her eyes flicker from over his shoulder, then up to his eyes. It was impossible to read the rambunctious ideas bouncing off the walls of her mind and Fred knew better than to speculate but rather give her the time to process. He always said that her mind ran faster than the Hogwarts Express. There was a small smile on her lips, though one he couldn’t read. The spark of glee still flashed through her yet at the same time she seemed uncertain. Her hand pushed loose strands of her hair away from her view, a nervous habit of her’s Fred had picked up on early in the relationship.

Swallowing her nerves, Y/n let her body sink into the plushness of Fred’s bed as she shrugged her shoulders.

“Just wanna make sure you’d love me no matter what.” She mumbled hushly.

Fred furrowed his eyebrows as he studied her in bewilderment. As silly as the conversation was, he could feel a tang of guilt budding in his gut from teasing her. The two had discussed some of the most random, weird topics out there and it was usually just that, a random discussion. Fred was a bit stunned there was a bubble floating around in her thoughts that there might be a time where he stops loving her, because for Fred, the idea of not loving her was simply implausible. Besides, he had fancied her since they met their first year and there was no chance Fred was willing to lose her.

“Okay, well,” Fred crawled to sit next to Y/n’s side as he went on, “I’ll entertain the thought. If you were a worm I would still love you more than any other living creature on this planet. I’d also protect you from all the birds who want to eat you for dinner.” Fred finished by placing a gentle peck to her nose. There was no sense in hiding the contagious grin

“So sweet, Freddie.” The scent of peppermint from her chapstick wafted to Fred’s nose drawing him closer in. Y/n snaked her hand to his cheek and dragged his face towards hers. Right before their lips connected, she paused for a moment. Her e/c orbs flickered to his plump lips, then in one swift motion, she closed the gap with a pucker of her lips and a collision with his. Fred had expected the kiss but was taken aback by the fire she brought to it. The sheer force of her lips caused Fred to sit up and take notice.

Y/n nudged at his side, a silent signal for him to get on top. Fred didn’t need her to ask him twice. He was quick to kick the blankets covering his legs and repositioned himself between hers. Fred leaned forward to spark the flint once again. His hands attached to her face immediately as he pulled her in tightly. This embrace nearly knocked Y/n right off the bed. She parted her lips and felt him washing over like a tsunami of passion, curling her toes, unfurling all her senses as the taste of him impaired her. Her whole body tingled, the pressure of his fram leaning on hers as his arms wrapped around her felt like an array of fireworks during the finale of a grand show. Her lips parted against his and the abrupt swipe of his tongue inside her cheeks sent a rush of shivers through her body. The intensity was overwhelming as she struggled to keep hold of his shoulders.

Y/n came to at the need for air and pulled away from Fred. A sharp breath filled her lungs as her hands pressed against his chest keeping him in place. However, Fred was growing impatient by the second and the need to be as close to her as possible was too strong of an urge for him to ignore.

Fred pulled her in, claiming her mouth again, hungry and intense, until her arms gave in and she was using his body to support herself. She was nearly slipping from the bed from the pure force of his kiss. Fred kept his free hand steady on the back of her neck to ensure she wouldn’t fall but in the moment, she really couldn’t care. Wasn’t like they hadn’t had a makeout session on the floor- come to think of it, George had walked in on them just last week.

Their hands roamed over each other as if it was their first time touching another. His fingertips grazed the side of her neck earning a muffled moan from the girl. She tugged at his red hair, which was a guarantee to keep his adrenaline pumping. A vibration buzzed in her mouth as Fred groaned into her from the lustful pain. His body was ever moving as his hips grinded into her. This was a familiar position yet the passion was what made the kiss so electrifying. His elbows were placed on either side of her head to hold himself up as he moved his lips against hers and continued to work his tongue with hers. Y/n trailed her hand down from his fiery locks to his sharp chin where she pressed his lips as deeply into hers as she could manage.

Softly as possible, Y/n slowly pulled herself away from Fred. His eyes cracked open at the lost of warmth against his skin and he glanced down at her. Both smiled at each other until Fred rolled over and slid under the covers. He fixed the blankets around until he felt satisfied then opened his arms, as if inviting Y/n to enter. She obeyed without question and coozied herself into his arms. He wrapped her in a loving cuddle as he pressed a quick kiss to her temple.

Y/n leaned into his body, resting her head against his arm that was linked under her. There was a comforting silence that replaced the steaming air. The clock on Fred’s night stand shone bright with the time, ‘4:08am’, meaning morning had practically arrived and Fred had yet to catch a wink of sleep.

Just as Fred was preparing himself to welcome his slumber, a notion came. Propping himself up on his elbow, Fred reached out to shake the girl’s shoulder.

“Hey, Y/n?”

Y/n gleaned over to him in curiosity. Twisting her body she set her gaze directly on Fred, as if to show him she was intune and listening.

“Yes?”

“If I were a worm, would you still love me?” Fred asked in a whisper. Y/n leered up at him in a disgusted fashion. It looked as if she had been force fed a full can of lima beans and sardines. Those sleepy eyes were replaced by saucer like eyes of revulsion. Poking her tongue out she pretended to gag as her eyes twisted shut.

“Ew, no, why would I be in love with a worm? You can’t even talk and if I kissed you, I might accidentally kiss your butt, gross!” Y/n covered her mouth to mask her fit of laughter that shook through her chest. Fred’s mouth dropped in shock at her words as she unwrapped herself from his hold to shift to her side. He stared at her in astonishment as she threw her legs over the side of his bed. His hand reached out to yank her back but she was already up on her feet smirking to him.

“Are you kidding me? Get back here!”

“I need to use the bathroom- I’ll be back in a flash, wormie.” She blew him a taunting kiss and a wave, then quietly shut the door as she journeyed down the hall to the restrooms. Fred still heard her unruly laughter from behind the large wooden door. As her footsteps grew shallower, Fred tossed his head into the pillow and rolled his eyes. Just like earlier, silence overtook the room and this time, Fred was overjoyed because it meant he no longer had to hear about worms. That was at least until she got back, then he’d surely be having a discussion.

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destielshippingnews · 2 years

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Edvard's Supernatural Guide: The Author is Dead: Long Live bi!Dean!

An essay on biphobia, heteronormativity, and interpretation

Dean likes men. I am tired of arguing my case for this over and over again and getting the same scorn and derision from biphobic and homophobic fans (and the occasional heteronormative bisexual person, believe it or not!). I do this of my own free will, but it is physically and mentally exhausting.

People hate gay!Dean. Those who acknowledge the existence of bisexuality hate bi!Dean. In contrast, I could say Buffy is bi and point to her relationship with Faith as supporting evidence, and I would expect to get a mild ‘You just want to see girls kiss’ at most. I could point out that Willow is possibly bisexual, not gay as she states, and expect little blow back from most people. Suggest Dean is bisexual, however, and it is a completely different story. Suggest Cas is gay or bi and that he and Dean were more than ‘friends’ or ‘brothers’, and the response will end up with me wanting to consume vast quantities of glass.

While I am arguing in the context of Supernatural, a lot of my points will not be exclusive to the show, and could just as easily be applied to Frodo and Sam, for example. The main points I want to discuss first before zooming in on Dean’s bisexuality and Destiel are:

1) authorial intent vs death of the author

2) the ‘gay’ bias

3) heteronormativity / heterosexuality as default

So let’s begin with authorial intent. This is the classic principle of interpreting a fictional text, and the purpose is to find exactly what it is the author wanted to say with a text in order to understand its real meaning.

To give an example, if we were to discuss the topic of Frodo and Sam’s relationship, one could well point to the fact that the author was a devout Catholic, lost two close friends in WWI, and was very traditional in many ways. Given this, we can’t justifiably interpret Frodo and Sam’s relationship as anything more than platonic if we go by authorial intent. Rather, we must see it as a reflection of his own experiences with his friends in WWI, and as a glimpse of a time when men could be emotionally intimate with other men without fear of being thought to be homosexual. Homosexuality is a sin in Christianity (or it is thought by many to be so), and Tolkien would surely not have written his characters as gay or bisexual because it would be against his principles. Certainly it is possible to interpret them like that, but these interpretations are subordinate to the author’s intentions, and are not to be taken seriously. There is one true meaning to a text, and that is whatever the author wanted it to be. If we analyse based on authorial intent, Frodo and Sam are heterosexual: nothing else is possible.

The opposite of authorial intent is death of the author. This is a concept popularised in 1967 by literary theorist Roland Barthes which claims that authorial intent should not be given especial weight when analysing a fictional text; any serious analysis based on and harmonious with the text is as valid as any other. The author is no longer the authority, but rather the authority is with the audience.

In this framework, it is absolutely valid to interpret Frodo and Sam’s relationship as platonic and as a reflection of Tolkien’s friendship with men at university. However, there are too many things in the novel which suggest something deeper than this. Sam canonically calls Frodo beautiful while he is sleeping, and holds his hands on many an occasion. Frodo never married, nor ever showed romantic or sexual interest in women. One of the reasons he left Bag End for Valinor at the end of the book is because his continued presence kept Sam divided between him and his wife Rosie. Let me reiterate: Sam was unable to be fully devoted to his wife as long as Frodo was around, but was pulled between both of them. Furthermore, after Rosie died, Sam did not remain in Middle-Earth to die and be buried with his wife, but followed Frodo into the west by sailing to Aman. He chose Frodo over his wife. All of this can be interpreted as purely platonic, but one would have to be in serious denial to say none of this can be justifiably interpreted as a sexual and/or romantic love.

Death of the author holds that both these interpretations are valid. Neither contradicts anything in the text whatsoever and both are harmonious with it, so by the law of death of the author both must be accepted as valid interpretations of the book. This is not to say all interpretations are equally valid, of course: surface level interpretations are worth less than in-depth analyses.

Returning to the point of the essay, when stating Dean is bisexual, I have often been called arrogant for presuming my opinion and my interpretation is worth as much as or more than the writers and actors. This is based on a complete misunderstanding of my position: I do not think for a second that my opinion on the subject is worth more than anybody else’s solely by virtue of my being me. My opinion on the subject is, however, worth more than a casual viewer or reader of a text who has put little or no time into active interaction with it.

This applies equally to actors, authors, writers, and artists of all stripes. Elijah Wood’s opinions of Frodo and Sam’s relationship, for example, is not worth more or less than mine just because he played Frodo. His opinions on his acting methods or what he intended when playing in a certain scene can certainly be interesting, but when analysing the films are to be given no more weight than anybody else’s by virtue of his having portrayed the character.

Anybody who has visited my home can surely testify to the fact I value Jensen (the actor who played Dean, in case you’re out of the loop) about as much as my favourite bands and books. Other than my inordinate number of Dean Funko Pops...

and my insanely expensive custom-made Soldier Boy Funko Pop (months before Jensen's episodes of The Boys have even been released)...

I have a signed photo he sent me framed in my bedroom; a Dean poster above my bed which has followed me from London to Helsinki via Lapland since 2015; a Radio Company hat which I wore all summer and autumn 2021 and will do so again in 2022...

and various other sundry items.

(Nephew's face scribbled out for his privacy)

I have made no bones about the fact I rank him among my favourite artists (both as actor AND singer) along with the likes of Floor Jansen and Einar Selvik (no, that's not hyperbole). I am the unrepentant fanboy watching all 448 of his episodes of Days of Our Lives, so when I say his interpretation is worth no more than others, it should tell you I am serious about this.

I say the same about Misha: he has said in no uncertain terms that Cas’s ‘I love you’ was a declaration of homosexual love (to which the other cast members said ‘We all knew anyway’), but we do not need this to come to this conclusion. The Show itself makes it clear enough.

What an actor intends whilst playing a role is only of especial interest if analysing intent. If analysing a text for what it shows us, rather than what the author wanted to tell us, intent means nothing. Jensen has indeed said things in the past to the tune of having played Dean as straight, that he thinks Dean is straight, that he does not think there is anything more than friendship and brotherhood between him and Cas, that Destiel does not exist etc, but the actual show and his own acting choices can easily be interpreted elsewise. His interpretation means no more than anybody else’s.

(Side note: those comments were years ago. He has spoken in vaguer terms on the subject since, but his acting and behaviour in the last few years of the show, and his comments relating to the finale suggest a change in his opinions and interpretations. He wrote a song called Watching Over Me for his album which can only be reasonably interpreted as Dean's feelings for Cas. There is a very good chance he was Ben Hur'd (kept completely in the dark about the bi subtext and coding, though certain writers knew it full well), and that after he cottoned on after five or six years, he was forced to lie to and sometimes hurt fans by denying its existence in order to protect the show (his livelihood) from the homophobic network and executive producers. This is the only explanation for his Jekyll and Hyde attitude to bi!dean and Destiel.)

So when I say Dean is bi, this is how I interpret the show based on analysis of what it shows us. It is not simply wishful thinking, delusion, or wanting to see men kiss (I have access to the internet, I can do that on my lunch break), but seeing what is in front of my eyes and interpreting it accordingly. This of course naturally leads to certain accusations of bias, which brings me to the next topic of discussion: the ‘gay’ bias.

Some will say that I and others who interpret a character presented outwardly as straight to be gay or bi do so because we are biased. We want to see ourselves reflected in our media, so we push our own sexuality onto him or her (or whatever variation thereupon is appropriate) or we see and interpret things in a certain way simply because we want to. This is bias, and therefore our views are invalid.

The assumption is therefore that the heterosexual viewpoint and interpretation is the neutral, valid one, i.e. the perspective lacking bias. This is thus the perspective to be favoured. A heterosexual interpreting a character as heterosexual is not down to bias of any variety, it is simply a neutral, unbiased way of viewing things. A heterosexual does not push his or her sexuality onto a character, because the character just is heterosexual. Interpreting Frodo and Sam as anything other than heterosexual is simply down to bias. Our interpretation might be based on the text itself, but we only interpret it the way we do because our perspective is skewed.

This is one of the most pernicious aspects of erasure and silencing I have encountered over the last 17 months. An angel in a man’s body stood on screen and said ‘I love you’ to a man in front of the tiny number of people who still watch Supernatural, and then sacrificed himself to save the man he loved from Death. His confession of ‘I love you’ cannot be interpreted as fraternal or platonic in context; the mirrors with Buffy/Angel and true happiness leading to metaphorical death, for one, are particularly glaring comparisons, but to the point: a gay love confession was on our screens, but my interpreting what I see right in front of me as homosexual love is biased. I am a gay man, so my opinion is skewed, partisan, and invalid. It was not a confession of romantic and/or sexual love, but rather an angel confessing his love for humanity, or a man confessing his love to his ‘brother’ or any other way which avoids the admission of the Greek vice.

Forgive me for being so bold, but if homosexual or bisexual interpretations are based on bias, then so too must heterosexual interpretations be. After all, do heterosexuals not want to see heterosexuals in their media? Do they not push their own sexuality onto characters who express interest in the opposite sex? Do they not interpret things in a certain way simply because they want to? I am not heterosexual, so I cannot say for certain, but given the sheer desperate denial when a man tells another man ‘I love you’ with tears in his eyes, it is no stretch of my imagination to conclude it is a distinct probability. However, it is the norm they live in and it is the norm presented to them not only in almost every single piece of media they consume, but in their everyday lives right from birth. Their perspective must naturally feel unbiased and, well, natural, because it almost always goes unchallenged.

This leads me onto the third topic: heteronormativity. To clarify, I use this term to mean a few things:

a) that heterosexuality is the norm and everything else a deviation from the norm

b) that all sexualities and sexual relations work like a traditional heterosexual relationship

c) that everybody in real life and fiction is to be assumed heterosexual unless presented otherwise or proven without a shadow of a doubt to be otherwise.

Point a) is the one I have the least problem with. Heterosexuality – or heterosexual behaviour, at least – is most usual. It’s safe to assume most people you meet are probably heterosexual. b) and c) however, are much more irksome. I have written elsewhere about my issues with heteronormativity and same-sex male relationships in fiction (read here), so here I will focus on c).

Heterosexuality is the norm in most people’s minds. Having grown up in this paradigm, I too have to stop myself making assumptions about people’s orientations, but if I were heterosexual, I would likely have little reason to do so. Homosexuals and bisexuals do exist in this paradigm, but they are clearly differentiated from the heterosexuals: the males by their moisturised faces, limp wrists, or interest in fashion, and the females by their short hair, dungarees, and intimacy with hardware shops. This is comfortable as it does not challenge the unquestioned norm. However, if a character does not behave like this, it is assumed s/he is heterosexual until evidence is presented to the contrary. Even then, if the evidence can be explained away in a heterosexual manner, it will be, as heterosexual is the default.

The result of this is that when trying to argue my case that Frodo is gay and Sam is bi, I am dismissed because their behaviour can be explained in a heterosexual way. When arguing that Dean Winchester – an aggressively non-stereotypical bisexual – is bisexual, a mountainous burden of proof is placed upon me to ‘prove it’, but any evidence which can be otherwise explained is dismissed.

The effect of this is that claiming a character is not heterosexual is like accusing somebody of committing a crime, and I must provide overwhelming evidence which can not be explained in any way other than bisexuality. Yes, Dean got flustered and nervous around Dr Sexy, but that doesn’t mean he’s sexually attracted to him: he’s just a fanboy.

This is fairly frequently followed by an accusation of my trying to make everything about sex, and that trying to force a heterosexual character to be gay is toxic behaviour. The fact that heterosexuality is forced upon characters by default is unquestioned, yet if my evidence supporting a bisexual interpretation is ‘toxic’, then what is their behaviour which they have no evidence for?

A character cannot simply be bisexual or homosexual. A character must prove it, in the same way a real person is made to feel s/he must. As somebody who had no desire to ‘come out’, but rather got dragged out by a nosy mother reading things she shouldn’t have and then starting a very awkward and uncomfortable conversation about it in front of my dad in the car, this narrative is not one I hold dear.

Frodo and Sam cannot just be whatever it is they are, and Dean cannot just be bisexual, but rather it must be proven like a murder. This reinforces the perception of it as abnormal, wrong, and invalid.

Moving from the general to the more specific at the end of this essay, the following issues are also important aspects to this discussion, but are best left for full elucidations on their own.

One is a complete lack of understanding of what a bisexual is, and negative preconceptions about what a gay or bi man is. Most people unfortunately don’t factor bisexuality into the equations, so a discussion of e.g. Dean and Cas being more than friends leads to the inevitable ‘Dean’s not gay, he loves women’ or ‘Cas is only shown having sex with women, so he’s not gay’. Never mind the fact that plenty of gay men spent a lot of time presenting as straight and many married women and had children before accepting their homosexuality in middle age or older, the thing about bisexual men is that they like women AND men.

Yes, both Dean and Cas are shown explicitly to have sexual and/or romantic interest in and relationships with women, but Dean gets flustered around men as much as around women, if not more. From series 7 onwards, he has almost no sexual relations with women (at least that we’re told of), but he does form close relationships with other men and spends most of his free time with either his brother or Cas. Cas does have occasional sex with a woman, but series 6 showed his utter devotion to Dean: everything he did with Purgatory and the Leviathan was for Dean. As the show goes on, he increasingly rejects women’s advances whilst acting more and more like Dean’s unofficial romantic partner.

If we don’t assume the characters are heterosexual until proven guilty, we can observe these things and see that perhaps the characters are not what we assumed. As for the negative opinions of gay and bi men, comments such as the following suggests further reasons for resistance to interpreting male characters as bisexual: ‘Dean is a hot-blooded male who loves women’. Yes, bisexual men love women, but the claim he is ‘a hot-blooded male’ stinks of negative perceptions about men who love men, either exclusively or as well as women.

I would have you know, dear reader, than my blood does indeed get very hot around men, as does my bisexual male friends’ blood around their wives and girlfriends. We are just as vital, vigorous, and alive as any other man, but clearly some people are unwilling to face this truth. They want to see us as weak, emasculated, and pathetic; the heterosexual women who say things like this hate the idea of their ‘heterosexual’ masturbation fodder not being the ‘real man’ they want him to be, and the heterosexual men who say this fear losing a role model or a cool character, because they do not want to identify with or live vicariously through a gay or bi man.

Moreover, they want to pretend we do not exist. We make them uncomfortable, and they are disgusted by the sex acts they reduce us to and define us by. They do not want to see us, and they certainly do not want to hear what we have to say. This is simply homophobia and biphobia, and I will credit my reader with enough life experience to not need these explained to them.

One of the last topic before I finish is the apparent belittlement of platonic male friendships supposedly inherent in seeing a relationship between two men as romantic and/or sexual. As somebody who cares very much about male friendships and male bonds in general, it never ceases to amuse me how people will trot out this argument against having a male/male pairing:

I think it's so toxic that people try to turn healthy, platonic, but still loving male friendships into something more. All that does is reinforce the idea that men can't form any kind of intimate connection without it turning sexual.

Male friendships are healthy, claim this and copious other comments to the same effect. And they are. I have gone a large part of my life without meaningful male friendships, and the ones I have managed to build in the last few years have shown me exactly how much I was missing. The laughing, the birthday parties, the support, the care, talking until 4 o’clock in the morning… I do not know where I would be without it, so imagine my ire when I see that people in general only care about men being friends when the alternative is a same-sex relationship. Otherwise, male friendships are a source of amusement, and derided as ‘bromances’. They are seen as childish, incidental, and something men will grow out of when they find a woman and have children. A man’s relationship with a woman is an adult bond, but men’s bonds with men are risible.

The culture we live in is a toxic environment for male friendships. Claiming it is toxic to see more than friendship sometimes in a relationship is simply an effort to silence and shame us out of sharing our own perspectives. A same-sex male relationship is not to be taken seriously, or to be treated with respect, dignity, or gravitas. It is an object of no interest to anybody but gay men and women, or so their thinking goes, and has no place in mainstream media or stories, especially not in a horror/fantasy show. So they attempt to silence us through calling us toxic, belying their own views on homosexual behaviour and relationships in the process.

As for ‘forcing things onto the actors’, no. This is a diversion tactic, and I am sick of it. It is true that a tiny handful of unhinged fans have threatened the actors, their wives, and apparently even their friends, out of anger that certain relationships are not canonical. Jensen (Dean’s actor) was handed a voodoo doll of his wife full of fish hooks, for example, and somebody tried to stab Misha (Cas’s actor) with a box cutter at a convention. And yes, for some in the fandom, ‘ships are purely about pornography (middle-aged heterosexual women in the Supernatural fandom apparently really like abusive, incestuous relationships). This is unhinged insanity, and after this, I can well understand and sympathise with the actors’ resistance to certain ‘ships and their distaste with the idea of their characters being more than friends. The work they do should not be reduced to material for sexual gratification, and their own and their families’ security should not be jeopardised.

This is a completely different phenomenon than discussing a character’s orientation. My seeing Dean as bisexual forces nothing on the actor, nor does it rub anything in his face. Funnily enough, the people saying this are the kind to objectify and sexualise the actors in a way which would be seen as chauvinistic if a man were doing it to a woman, but returning to the point: seeing more than friendship between Dean and Cas should not make the actors in any way uncomfortable unless they are intensely homophobic.

This homophobia is highly unlikely; Misha makes no bones about his public support of GLBT people, and has frequently supported them loudly and in public. Jensen is his close friend, and he has done a good bit of charity work for gay, bi, and trans youth in Texas with his wife. In an interview about a big ‘secret’ his character on Days of Our Lives might have, he stated in 1998 that playing Eric Brady as a gay man would be 'Fine by me' (while he was a straight-presenting 20 year-old Texan from a Christian family playing a character on a show watched by conservative housewives, grandmothers, and unrepentant fanboys in Finland).

Indeed, he did play a bisexual lover of Marilyn Monroe in Blonde (2001), and Priestley in Ten Inch Hero (2007) could very well be bisexual, too. His production company Chaos Machine has had the gay pride flag on its Instagram profile pic for most of a year (see here), his brewery Family Business Beer Company posted this for Pride 2022, and his private interactions with gay, bi, and trans fans have been heart-warming.

This is not to mention his gay auntie and her wife who love him to the moon and back [x] [x], or the song he wrote about Castiel from Dean's perspective for his own album.

youtube

He is not a homophobe and I am tired of the gaslighting. But on the subject of homophobia, Jensen has apparently been the target of homophobia and gay jokes over the course of his life, mostly due to his modelling and his androgynous - sometimes downright feminine - appearance until his early 20s. His characters in Dark Angel, Dawson's Creek, and Supernatural are also the butt of homophobic jokes largely because of Jensen's looks. I can understand his discomfort. It is easy to see how the sheer amounts of porn by straight and bi women for straight and bi women who talk about the characters and actors with homophobic language would feel like another big gay joke which he is the butt of.

The Dean of my interpretation is a bisexual, cissexual man. Cas is gay, possibly bi, but either way he is the Patroclus to Dean’s Achilles. Cas has loved Dean since 2010, maybe earlier, and Dean might not have been far behind. However, it was not until 15x18 (the last episode I view as valid) that I was convinced it was reciprocal: the look in Dean’s eyes the moment after Cas said ‘I love you’, the lump in his throat, and his tears all begged the viewer to see that Dean loved Cas in the same way.

Dean loves Cas, and Cas loves Dean. Upon rewatching this scene for the umpteenth time, I have come to believe Dean knew Cas was going to say 'I love you' before Cas even said it. This is not toxic, creepy, stalkery, or wishful thinking: it is right there on my screen in front of my eyes. Perhaps the deniers are simply seeing what they wish to see.

People will hand-wave this as ‘just my interpretation’, lacking the self-awareness to see that their own reading is also ‘just their interpretation’, with no more inherent worth than anybody else’s. But I can not have this discussion every single time I see anger directed at a drawing of Dean and Cas kissing, or a discussion of Dean’s bisexuality. It is simply exhausting, and I hope that the 3 ½ hours I spent writing this goes some way to combatting the utter detestation we are subjected to when we dare to claim that a character or two in a television show might not be heterosexual, but rather two men in love with one another.

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shihalyfie · 3 years

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Hi :) If it's not too much trouble, could you please share your take on why they'd continue the Adventure brand after tri. was such a flop? (and a tangent: what does "dark history" even mean?). We got Kizuna, the reboot, and a 02 movie. Logically, it doesn't really make sense they'd keep investing in it.

This is a thorny topic, and I'd like to reiterate that although I've ended up making more posts related to this series and the discourse surrounding it recently (probably because it's even more on the mind now that another movie is on the horizon and a lot of people are apprehensive for various reasons), I do not want this blog to be making a brand out of being critical of this series. I’m writing this here and in public because I figured that there is a certain degree I need to clarify what I mean about audience reception/climate and how it might impact current or future works, and I’m admittedly also more than a little upset that I occasionally see Western fanbase criticisms of the series getting dismissed by people claiming that the only people mad about it are dramamongering or ignorant Westerners (which could not be further from the truth). However, this is mainly to address this and to answer your question, and is not intended to try and change anyone's existing opinion or impression of the series as much as it's me trying to explain (from my own personal reading of the situation) what practically went down with critical reception in real life; no more, no less.

The short summary of the matter is:

The series was a moderate financial success (albeit with some caveats; see the long version for details) and definitely outstripped a lot of prior attempts to revive the franchise;

However, the overall Japanese fanbase-side critical backlash from tri. was extremely and viciously negative to the point where even acknowledging the series too much could easily result in controversy;

Kizuna’s production and the PR surrounding it very obviously have this in mind with a lot of apparent “damage control” elements.

The long version is below.

Note that while I try to be diligent about citing my sources so people understand that I’m not just making things up wholesale, I’m deliberately refraining from linking certain things here this time, both because some of the things mentioned have some pretty crude things written there -- it’s not something I feel comfortable directing people to regardless of what language it’s in -- and because I don’t want to recklessly link things on social media and cause anyone to go after or harass the people involved. For the links that have been provided, please still be warned that some of them don’t really link to particularly pleasant things.

I am not writing the following information to suggest that anyone should agree or disagree with the sentiments being described. I know people tend to take "a lot of people like/hate this" as a signal of implication "it is correct to like/hate this" when it's not (and I especially dislike the idea of implying that Japanese fanbase opinions are the only correct ones). There's a reason I focus on "critical reception being this way" (because it influences marketing decisions and future direction) rather than how much this should impact one's personal feelings; this is coming from myself as someone who is shamelessly proud of liking many things that had bad critical reception, were financial failures, or are disliked by many. As I point out near the end, the situation also does seem to be changing for the better in more recent years as well.

Also, to be clear, I'm a single person who's observing everything best I can from my end, I have no affiliations with staff nor do I claim to, and as much as I'm capable of reading Japanese and thus reading a lot of people's impressions, I'm ultimately still another “outsider” looking in. These are my impressions from my observation of fan communal spaces, following artists and reading comments on social media and art posting websites, and results from social media searches. In the end, I know as much as anyone else about what happened, so this is just my two cents based on all of my personal observations.

A fanbase is a fanbase regardless of what part of the world you're from. There are people who love it and are shameless about saying so. There are people who have mixed feelings or at least aren't on extreme ends of the spectrum (as always, the loudest ones are always the most visible, but it's not always easy to claim they're the predominant percentage of the fanbase). That happens everywhere, and I still find that on every end I've seen. However, if I'm talking about my impressions and everything I’ve encountered, I will say that the overall Japanese reaction to tri. comes off as significantly more violently negative on average than the Western one, which is unusual because often it's the other way around. (I personally feel less so because the opinions are that fundamentally different and more so because we're honestly kind of loud and in-your-face people; otherwise, humans are mostly the same everywhere, and more often than not people feel roughly the same about everything if they’re given the same information to work with.)

This is not something I can say lightly, and thus would not say if I didn’t really get this impression, but...we're talking "casually looking up movie reviews for Kizuna have an overwhelming amount of people casually citing any acknowledgment of tri. elements as a negative element", or the fact that even communal wikis for "general" fandoms like Pixiv and Aniwota don't tend to hold back in being vicious about it (as of this writing, Pixiv's wiki refuses to consider it in the same timeline as Adventure, accusing it of being "a series that claims to be a sequel set three years after 02 but is in fact something different"). Again, there are people who openly enjoy it and actively advocate for it (and Pixiv even warns people to not lord over others about it condescendingly because of the fact that such people do exist), and this is also more of a reflection of “the hardcore fanbase on the Internet” and not necessarily the mainstream (after all, there are quite a few other Digimon works where the critical reception varies very heavily between the two). Nevertheless, the take-home is that the reputation is overall negative among the Internet fanbase to the point that this is the kind of sentiment you run into without trying all that hard.

I think, generally speaking, if we're just talking about why a lot of people resent the series, the reasons aren't that different from those on the Western side. However, that issue of "dark history" (黒歴史): there's a certain degree of demand from the more violently negative side of the fanbase that's, in a sense, asking official to treat it as a disgrace and never acknowledge it ever again, hence why Kizuna doing so much as borrowing things from it rather than rejecting it outright is still sometimes treated like it’s committing a sin. So it's somewhat close in spirit to a retcon movement, which is unusual because no other Digimon series gets this (not even 02; that was definitely a thing on the Western end, but while I'm sure there are people who hate it that much on their end too, I've never really seen it gain enough momentum for anyone to take it seriously). If anyone ever tells you that Japanese fanbases are nice to everything, either they don't know Japanese, are being willfully ignorant, or are lying to you, because there is such thing as drama in those areas, and in my experience, I've seen things get really nasty when things are sufficiently pushed over the edge, and if a fanbase wants to have drama, it will have drama. This happens to be one of those times.

(If you think this is extreme, please know that I also think so too, so I hope you really understand that me describing this sentiment does not mean I am personally endorsing it. Also, let me reiterate that the loudest section of the fanbase is not necessarily the predominant one; after all, as someone who’s been watching reactions to 02 over the years, I myself can attest that its hatedom has historically made it sound more despised than it actually is in practice.)

My impression is that the primary core sentiment behind why the series so much as existing and being validated is considered such an offense (rather than, say, just saying "wow, that writing was bad" and moving on) is heavily tied to the release circumstances the series came out in during 2015-2018, and the idea that "this series disrespected Adventure, and also disrespected the fanbase.” (I mean, really, regardless of what part of the world you’re from, sequels and adaptations tend to be held to a higher bar of expectation than standalone works, because they’re expected to do them justice.) A list of complaints I’ve come across a lot while reading through the above:

The Japanese fanbase is pretty good at recordkeeping when it comes to Adventure universe lore, partially because they got a lot of extra materials that weren’t localized, but also partially because adherence to it seems to generally be more Serious Business to them than it is elsewhere. For instance, “according to Adventure episode 45, ‘the one who wishes for stability’ (Homeostasis) only started choosing children in 1995, and therefore there can be no Chosen Children before 1995” is taken with such gravity that this, not anything to do with evolutions or timeline issues, is the main reason Hurricane Touchdown’s canonicity was disputed in that arena (because Wallace implies that he met his partners before 1995). It’s a huge reason the question of Kizuna also potentially not complying to lore came to the forefront, because tri. so flagrantly contradicts it so much that this issue became very high on the evaluation checklist. In practice, Kizuna actually goes against Adventure/02 very little, so the reason tri. in particular comes under fire for this is that it does it so blatantly there were theories as early as Part 1 that this series must take place in a parallel universe or something, and as soon as it became clear it didn’t, the resulting sentiment was “wow, you seriously thought nobody would notice?” (thus “disrespecting the audience”).

A lot of the characterization incongruity is extremely obvious when you’re following only the Japanese version, partially because it didn’t have certain localization-induced characterization changes (you are significantly less likely to notice a disparity with Mimi if you’re working off the American English dub where they actually did make her likely to step on others’ toes and be condescending, whereas in Japanese the disparity is jarring and hard to miss) and partially due to some things lost in translation (Mimi improperly using rough language on elders is much easier to spot as incongruity if you’re familiar with the language). Because it’s so difficult to miss, and honestly feels like a lot of strange writing decisions you’d make only if you really had no concept of what on earth happened in the original series, it only contributes to the idea that they were handling Adventure carelessly and disrespectfully without paying attention to what the series was even about (that, or worse, they didn’t care).

02 is generally well-liked there! It’s controversial no matter where you go, but as I said earlier, there was no way a retcon movement would have ever been taken seriously, and the predominant sentiment is that, even if you’re not a huge fan of it, its place in canon (even the epilogue) should be respected. So not only flagrantly going against 02-introduced lore but also doing that to a certain quartet is seen as malicious, and you don’t have as much of the converse discourse celebrating murdering the 02 quartet (yeah, that’s a thing that happened here) or accusing people with complaints of “just being salty because they like 02″ as nearly as much of a factor; I did see it happen, or at least dismissals akin to “well it’s Adventure targeted anyway,” but they were much less frequent. The issue with the 02 quartet is usually the first major one brought up, and there’s a lot of complaints even among those who don’t care for 02 as much that the way they went about it was inhumane and hypocritical, especially when killing Imperialdramon is fine but killing Meicoomon is a sin. Also, again, “you seriously think nobody will see a problem with how this doesn’t make sense?”

I think even those who are fans of the series generally agree with this, but part of the reason the actual real-life time this series went on is an important factor is that the PR campaign for this series was godawful. Nine months of clicking on an egg on a website pretending like audience participation meant something when in actuality it was blatantly obvious it was just a smokescreen to reveal info whenever they were ready? This resulted in a chain effect where even more innocuous/defensible things were viewed in a suspicious or negative light (for instance, "the scam of selling the fake Kaiser's goggles knowing Ken fans would buy it only to reveal that it's not him anyway"), and a bunch of progressively out-of-touch-with-the-fanbase statements and poor choices led to more sentiment “yeah, you’re just insulting the fanbase at this point,” and a general erosion of trust in official overall.

On top of that, the choice of release format to have it spread out as six movies over three years seems to have exacerbated the backlash to get much worse than it would have been otherwise, especially since one of the major grievances with the series is that how it basically strung people along, building up more and more unanswered questions before it became apparent it was never going to answer them anyway. So when you’re getting that frustrated feeling over three whole years, it feels like three years of prolonged torture, and it becomes much harder to forgive for the fallout than if you’d just marathoned the entire thing at once.

For those who are really into the Digimon (i.e. species) lore and null canon, while I’m not particularly well-versed in that side of the fanbase, it seems tri. fell afoul of them too for having inaccurately portrayed (at one point, mislabeled) special attacks and poorly done battle choreography, along with the treatment of Digimon in general (infantilized Digimon characterization, general lack of Digimon characters in general, very flippant treatment of the Digital World in Parts 3-5). If you say you’re going to “reboot” the Digital World and not address the entire can of worms that comes with basically damaging an entire civilization of Digimon, as you can imagine, a lot of people who actually really care about that are going to be pissed, and the emerging sentiment is “you’re billing this as a Digimon work, but you don’t even care about the monsters that make up this franchise.”

The director does not have a very positive reputation among those who know his work (beyond just Digimon), and in general there was a lot of suspicion around the fact they decided to get a guy whose career has primarily been built on harem and fanservice anime to direct a sequel to a children’s series. Add to that a ton of increasingly unnerving statements about how he intended to make the series “mature” in comparison to its predecessor (basically, an implication that Adventure and 02 were happy happy joy series where nothing bad ever happened) and descriptions of Adventure that implied a very, very poor grasp of anything that happened in it: inaccurate descriptions of their characters, poor awareness of 02′s place in the narrative, outright saying in Febri that he saw the Digimon as like perpetual kindergartners even after evolving, and generally such a flippant attitude that it drove home the idea that the director of an Adventure sequel had no respect for Adventure, made this series just to maliciously dunk on it for supposedly being immature, and has such a poor grasp of what it even was that it’s possible he may not have seen it in the first place (or if he did, clearly skimmed it to the extent he understood it poorly to pretty disturbing levels). As of this writing, Aniwota Wiki directly cites him as a major reason for the backlash.

In general, consensus seems to be that the most positively received aspect of the series (story-wise) was Part 3 (mostly its ending, but some are more amenable to the Takeru and Patamon drama), and the worst vitriol goes towards Parts 2 (for the blatantly contradictory portrayal of Mimi and Jou and the hypocritical killing of Imperialdramon) and 4 (basically the “point of no return” where even more optimistic people started getting really turned off). This is also what I suspect is behind the numbers on the infamous DigiPoll (although the percentage difference is admittedly low enough to fall within margin of error). However, there was suspicion about the series even from Part 1, with one prominent fanartist openly stating that it felt more like meeting a ton of new people than it did reuniting with anyone they knew.

So with all of that on the table: how did this affect official? The thing is that when I say “violently negative”, I mean that also entailed spamming official with said violently negative social media comments. While this is speculation, I am fairly certain that official must have realized how bad this was getting as early as between Parts 4 and 5, because that’s where a lot of really suspicious things started happening behind the scenes; while I imagine the anime series itself was now too far in to really do anything about it, one of the most visible producers suddenly vanished from the producer lineup and was replaced by Kinoshita Yousuke, who ended up being the only member of tri. staff shared with Kizuna (and, in general, the fact that not a single member of staff otherwise was retained kind of says a lot). Once the series ended in 2018 and the franchise slowly moved into Kizuna-related things, you might notice that tri.-branded merch production almost entirely screeched to a halt and official has been very touchy about acknowledging it too deeply; it’s not that they don’t, but it’s kind of an awfully low amount for what you’d think would be warranted for a series that’s supposed to be a full entry in the big-name Adventure brand.

The reason is, simply, that if they do acknowledge it too much, people will get pissed at them. That’s presumably why the tri. stage play (made during that interim period between Parts 4 and 5 and even branded with the title itself) and Kizuna are really hesitant to be too aggressive about tri. references; it’s not necessarily that official wants to blot it out of history like the most extreme opinions would like them to, but even being too enthusiastic about affirming it will also get them backlash, especially if the things they affirm are contradictory to Adventure or 02. And considering even the small references they did put in still got them criticism for “affirming” tri. too much, you can easily see that the backlash would have been much harder if they’d attempted more than that; staying as close as possible to Adventure and 02 and trying to deal with tri. elements only when they’re comparatively inoffensive was pretty much the “safe” thing to do in this scenario (especially since fully denying tri. would most certainly upset the people who did like the series, and if you have to ask me, I personally think this would have been a pretty crude thing to have done right after the series had just finished). Even interviews taken after the fact often involve quickly disclaiming involvement with the series, or, if they have to bring up something about it, discussing the less controversial aspects like the art (while the character designs were still controversial, it’s at least at the point where some fanartists will still be willing to make use of them even if they dislike the series, albeit often with prominent disclaimers) or the more well-received parts of Part 3; Kizuna was very conspicuously marketed as a standalone movie, even if it shared the point of “the Adventure kids, but older” that tri. had.

(Incidentally, the tri. stage play has generally been met with a good reputation and was received well even among people who were upset with the anime, so it was well-understood that they had no relation. In fact, said stage play is probably even better received than Kizuna, although that’s not too surprising given the controversial territory Kizuna goes into, making the stage play feel very play-it-safe in comparison.)

So, if we’re going to talk about Kizuna in particular: tri. was, to some degree, a moderate financial success, in the sense that it made quite a bit of money and did a lot to raise awareness of the Digimon brand still continuing...however, if you actually look at the sales figures for tri., they go down every movie; part of it was probably because of the progressively higher “hurdle” to get into a series midway, but consider that Gundam Unicorn (a movie series which tri.’s format was often compared to) had its sales go up per movie thanks to word of mouth and hype. So while tri. does seem to have gotten enough money to help sustain the franchise at first, the trade-off was an extremely livid fanbase that had shattered faith in the brand and in official, and so while continuing the Adventure brand might still be profitable, there was no way they were going to get away with continuing to do this lest everything eventually crash and burn.

Hence, if you look at the way Kizuna was produced and advertised, you can see a lot of it is blatantly geared at addressing a lot of the woes aimed at tri.: instead of the staff that had virtually no affiliation with Toei, the main members of staff announced were either from the original series (Seki and Yamatoya) or openly childhood fans, the 02 quartet was made into a huge advertising point as a dramatic DigiFes reveal (and character profies that tie into the 02 epilogue careers prominently part of the advertising from day one), and they even seemed to acknowledge the burnout on the original Adventure group by advertising it so heavily as “the last adventure of Taichi and his friends”, so you can see that there’s a huge sentiment of “damage control” with it. How successful that was...is debatable, since opinions have been all over the board; quite a few people were naturally so livid at what happened with tri. that Kizuna was just opening more of the wound, but there were also people who liked it much better and were willing to acknowledge it (with varying levels of enthusiasm, some simply saying “it was thankfully okay,” and some outright loving it), and there was a general sentiment even among those who disliked both that they at least understood what Kizuna was going for and that it didn’t feel as inherently disrespectful. (Of course, there are people who loved tri. and hated Kizuna, and there are people who loved both, too.)

Moreover, Kizuna actually has a slightly different target audience from tri.; there’s a pretty big difference between an OVA and a theatrical movie, and, quite simply, Kizuna was made under the assumption that a lot of people watching it may not have even seen tri. in the first place. An average of 11% of the country watched Adventure and 02, but the number of people who watched tri. is much smaller, in part due to the fact that its “theater” screenings were only very limited screenings compared to Kizuna being shown in theaters in Japan and worldwide, and in part due to the fact that watching six parts over three years is a pretty huge commitment for someone who may barely remember Digimon as anything beyond a show they watched as a kid, and may be liable to just fall off partway through because they simply just forgot. (Which also probably wasn’t helped by the infamously negative reputation, something that definitely wouldn’t encourage someone already on the fence.) And that’s yet another reason Kizuna couldn’t make too many concrete tri. references; being a theatrical movie, it needs to have as wide appeal as possible, and couldn’t risk locking out an audience that had a very high likelihood of not having seen it, much less to the end -- it may have somewhat been informed by tri.’s moderate financial success and precedent, but it ultimately was made for the original Adventure and 02 audience more than anything else.

I would say that, generally, while Kizuna is “controversial” for sure, reception towards the movie seems to be more positive than negative, it won over a large chunk of people who were burned out by tri., and it clearly seems to have been received well enough that it’s still being cashed in on a year after its release. The sheer existence of the upcoming 02-based movie is also probably a sign of Kizuna’s financial and critical success; Kinoshita confirmed at DigiFes 2020 that nothing was in production at the time, and stated shortly after the movie’s announcement that work on it had just started. So the decision to make it seems to have been made after eyeing Kizuna’s reception, and, moreover, the movie was initially advertised from the get-go with Kizuna’s director and writer (Taguchi and Yamatoya), meaning those two have curried enough goodwill from the fanbase that this can be used to promote the movie. (If not, you would think that having and advertising Seki would be the bigger priority.) While this is my own sentiment, I am personally doubtful official would have even considered 02 something remotely profitable enough on its own to cash in on if it weren’t for this entire sequence of events of 02′s snubbing in tri. revealing how much of a fanbase it had (especially with the sheer degree of “suspicious overcompensation” Kizuna had with its copious use of the 02 quartet and it tagging a remix of the first 02 ED on the Hanareteitemo single, followed by the drama CD and character songs), followed by Kizuna having success in advertising with them so heavily. Given all of the events between 2015 and now, it’s a bit ironic to see that 02 has now become basically the last resort to be able to continue anything in the original Adventure universe without getting too many people upset at them about it.

The bright side coming out of all of this is that, while it’s still a bit early to tell, now that we’re three years out from tri. finishing up and with Kizuna in the game, it seems there’s a possibility for things improving around tri.’s reception as well. Since a lot of the worst heated points of backlash against it have a very “you had to have been there” element (related to the PR, release schedule, and staff comments), those coming in “late” don’t have as much reason to be as pissed at it; I’ve seen at least one case of a fanartist getting back into the franchise because of Kizuna hype, watching tri. to catch up, casually criticizing it on Twitter, and moving on with their life, presumably because marathoning the whole thing being generally aware of what’ll happen in it and knowing Kizuna is coming after anyway gives you a lot less reason to be angry to the point of holding an outright grudge. Basically, even if you don’t like it, it’s much easier to actually go “yeah, didn’t like that,” not worry too much about it, and move on. Likewise, I personally get the impression that official has been starting to get a little more confident about digging up elements related to it. Unfortunately, a fairly recent tweet promoting the series getting put on streaming services still got quite a few angry comments implying that they should be deleting the scourge from the Internet instead, so there’s still a long way to go, but hopefully the following years will see things improve further...

In regards to the reboot, I -- and I think a lot of people will agree with me -- have a bit of a hard time reading what exact audience it’s trying to appeal to; we have a few hints from official that they want parents to watch it with their children, and that it may have been a necessary ploy in order to secure their original timeslot. So basically, the Adventure branding gets parents who grew up with the original series to be interested in it and to show it to their kids, and convinces Fuji TV that it might be profitable. But as most people have figured by now, the series has a completely different philosophy and writing style -- I mean, the interview itself functionally admits it’s here to be more action-oriented and to have its own identity -- and the target audience is more the kids than anything else. As for the Internet fanbase of veterans, most people have been critical of its character writing and pacing, but other than a few stragglers who are still really pissed, it hasn’t attracted all that much vitriol, probably because in the end it’s an alternate universe, it doesn’t have any obligation to adhere to anything from the original even if it uses the branding, and it’s clearly still doing its job of being a kids’ show for kids who never saw the original series nor 02, so an attempt to call it “disrespectful” to the original doesn’t have much to stand on. A good number of people who are bored of it decided it wasn’t interesting to them and dropped it without incident, while other people are generally just enjoying it for being fun, and the huge amount of Digimon franchise fanservice with underrepresented Digimon and high fidelity to null canon lore is really pleasing the side of the fanbase that’s into that (I mean, Digimon World Golemon is really deep in), so at the very least, there’s not a lot to be super-upset about.

#tri negativity #shiha's ask box #springcrafter

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xxisxxisxxis · 3 years

Text

AU: Gateway Drug | "Forty-Something" [PT. 1]

[Pt. 2 HERE]

**This was not my idea, the credit goes fully to an anon that suggested it!!

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1988

"Shh!" I try not to laugh at Izzy as he nearly trips coming around the corner, bracing himself against the wall as I'm tucked under his arm to help him keep his balance.

"When the hell did this get here?" He asks in reference to the wall, fumbling for his key when we get to his room.

"You gotta slow down some, Izzy." I tell him softly as he struggles to get the door open but he eventually does.

"I know, I know, I hear Axl bitch at me about it constantly, trust me I know." He rolls his eyes, careful not to drop his cigarette as he reaches for a lighter.

He can't steady his thumb enough to light it, though, and I sigh and snatch the lighter from him, lighting the cigarette before he can complain.

"Thanks." He falls back on the bed, chuckling a little as I stand at the foot of the bed, my arms crossed. "Don't take this the wrong way but you look hot even when you're knocked up."

"And you're high." I roll my eyes. "And drunk." I add. "And I'm leaving you to it because I'm tired."

I go to leave but he sits up.

"You can crash here." He offers and I raise my brows.

"Izzy, if this is a part of some grand scheme to be the next in line to have sex with me--"

"--You're pregnant. I don't fuck pregnant chicks." He wrinkles his nose, laying back down.

"Gee, thanks." I mumble, crawling onto the bed and laying on my back beside him.

In a moment of quiet I glance over at him smiling smugly.

"What?" He questions, taking notice.

"You love me so much you don't even know how to handle it." I tell him.

"Like hell I do." He denies it in a sharp scoff.

"You don't want me to leave you."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"We're friends." I say next.

"No, we're not."

"You love me."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

I keep my smile for a few more moments, before I close my eyes.

I feel him scoot the tiniest bit closer to me before settling down, too.

"Psst," he says in a few minutes and I open an eye and look at him.

"What is it?"

"You wanna get married?"

I furrow my brows and turn to face him fully.

"How the hell do you go from denying we're even friends to wanting to marry me?"

"I'm high and drunk, like you said." He admits and I sigh, shaking my head a little as he clears his throat. "You and Nikki are getting divorced, you and Duff aren't together, either...everybody I know is getting hitched. I'm left out." He shrugs.

"Be thanking God." I tell him and he chuckles.

"Oh, c'mon. It wouldn't be that bad." He argues. "It would work out because Duff's in the band so he'd get to see the baby all the time so you wouldn't have to worry much with working in visiting and stuff. My mom would fucking love you, your dad already likes me...we've already seen each other naked so we know what to expect." He adds.

I hit his arm and glare at him.

"Well, we're together a lot so we know each other's habits and stuff...I think it could work."

"You're high. And drunk." I reiterate, getting back on my back. "And full of shit."

"Okay, what about that old pact that desperate lonely people make? Like, 'if we're forty something and neither of us are married, we'll get married to each other'?"

Knowing that by the time we're in our forties we most definitely won't be single, I humor him.

"Izzy, if we even make it to forty-something, and you're sober and have your shit together, I'll marry you." I agree.

"Deal," he holds his hand out for me to shake, and I do.

"Now go to sleep." I urge, turning over to face away from him.

"The cold sex shoulder is already starting to settle in and we aren't even together yet." He aggravates and I reach my hand back and swat at him, making him laugh.

1989

"Izzy, stop touching it!" I bark, hitting at his hand.

"Viv, I'm good, that fucking pixie stick didn't do shit." He bites back, his fingers on his nose as I'm holding ice to it.

"Jeffrey Dean Isbell." I snap.

"Vivian Estine Kinston." He says right back.

"Fine!" I shove at his nose and he winces.

"Jesus fuck, Vivian, I said it doesnt hurt to touch it, not fucking reset the bone, damnit!" He gripes in pain.

"Oh, no, that fucking pixie stick didn't do shit." I remind him. "And you deserved it, by the way."

"Here we go," he grumbles, leaning his head back in the car.

"No, I mean seriously, Izzy. Drunk or not you can't go one night without being a complete asshole to a woman? Especially if they're your friends' wife, you're supposed to have extra respect for them, jesus."

"I'm not friends with that little squealy bitch." He declares.

"You still respect his wife. You don't pull her dress up and then hit her when she raises hell at you for doing it."

"I didn't hit her, I karate chopped her. There's a fucking difference." He informs.

"Either way, you're a moron."

"And you're a bitch."

"I don't take anything seriously from someone who snorts so much coke he only has one nostril because the size of the hole burnt into his septum." I hiss.

"That's perfectly fine because I never took anything you've said seriously just because." He doesn't miss a beat before he drops the ice for a moment to light a cigarette.

"You're such a jackass."

"Are we saying vows right now?" He asks in reference to our insults.

"I said when you're sober and forty-something, although right now I don't see you making it to forty-something."

"We should probably go ahead and consummate it, then."

"Oh, gee, how tempting, I don't know how I'd possibly ever resist such an idea." I sarcastically let out and roll my eyes.

"Vegas is only a few hours away," he points out.

"The loss of blood from your nasal cavity is definitely getting to you." I scoff.

"Viv, what could possibly be so bad about marrying me?" He blows smoke put of his mouth.

"Well, for one, when you want a girl to marry you, you don't ask her while you're strung out or on a coke binge or drunk. You don't ask her while blowing cigarette smoke in her face, and you certainly don't ask her after getting your face beat in for sexually harassing and physically assaulting your acquaintance's wife."

"I was fucked up, and that doesn't make it alright or whatever but I really do feel like shit about it, you know."

"Then you need to call Vince as soon as you can and explain that to him and apologize to him and Sharise. Because it really embarrassed her and hurt her feelings." I tell him.

"Then will you marry me?"

"I'm not talking about this anymore, Izzy, drop it."

"Fine." He doesn't argue...but I do see him glance at me from the corner of my eye, a smirk on his lips.

1990

"Tommy, I can't just up and fly out to Toronto tomorrow because me and Duff are going up to visit his family for a few days with Monroe." I explain, putting mascara on.

"Well, think about it alright?"

"Tommy, I'm not thinking about it, there's no way for me to go to Seattle and Toronto at the same time."

"Well--"

"--I'll see you guys in a couple weeks, anyway, so what's the deal?"

"The 'deal' is that you act like you don't want anything to do with us now that you and Nikki aren't togther anymore." He accuses.

"That's not true."

"Anytime you come out to a show is if Sharise or Heather are out on the road, too, and you just hangout with them the whole time and avoid us."

"Gee, Tommy, could that possibly be because you idiots wore me down so much over the course of six years that I just don't have the energy to even be around you too much even when you're sober?"

There's silence on the other line.

"Not trying to be an ass, Tommy, but it's the truth. I love you, but I can't make it to Toronto. I'm sorry."

More silence.

I just sigh and hang up, finishing my makeup before I hear a horn honking out front.

"Monroe," I peek my head into his nursery, seeing his butt up in the air, thumb in mouth, tiny snores coming from him.

I gently shake him awake, picking him up when all else fails, heading to the car.

As soon as I get out there, I hand Monroe to Izzy, who's behind the wheel, as I get Monroe's carseat in his car.

Once the toddler is locked in, I get in the passenger side and let out a breath.

"You alright?" He asks me.

"Yeah, just...a lot...I told Tommy I didn't want to go see them because I don't have the energy to be around them now that they're sober due to how they acted for so long when Nikki and I were together."

"So...you don't want to be around them, but you'll come be around all of us." He points out.

"I'd rather be in a room full of messed up Guns N' Roses than sober Mötley Crüe."

"Ouch." He mumbles.

"So, where we going?" I ask him.

"The courthouse." He explains.

"For what?"

"To get married." He answers casually.

"Ha, ha, funny...seriously where are we going?"

"To the courthouse to get married." He says, again.

"Izzy. That's not funny." I state.

"I'm glad it isn't because I'm being serious, Viv."

"Izzy, no you're not."

"Yeah, I am."

"Stop the car." I order and he sighs, slowing down.

"Damnit, Viv." He says as I open the door and get out, feeling too trapped in the car. "Now, you know I've been asking you for the past two years, Viv, I'm tired of hearing, 'no'. You think I'm kidding when I ask you but I'm being serious."

"You can't be serious, Izzy, because it literally came out of nowhere the first time you even suggested it! 'Everybody else is doing it and I'm left out' is a shitty reason to want to marry someone--and you're not even four months sober! The last time a high idiot told me he wanted to marry me, I said, 'yes,' and I was in hell for it for years! So, yes, Izzy, I apologize if I wasn't taking you seriously all the times you've asked me about it because the idea in itself is just so freaking ridiculously stupid, I thought surely you'd have more sense than to think we could!"

"Fine!"

"Good!"

"Good! We aren't even friends anyway so screw you!" He throws at me.

"wE aReN't EvEn FrIeNdS aNyWaY sO sCrEw YoU." I mimic his voice, walking around to get Monroe, who's still sleeping, out of the back.

"Viv, get back in the car."

"No."

"Vivian, get back in the damn car."

"No!"

"Why do you have to be so fucking stubborn?!"

"The same reason you have to be so full of shit!"

1991

"Monroe don't run!" I chase after the three year old backstage, grabbing his sides before he can get away from me.

"Where's daddy?" He asks me with a chuckle, fingers in his mouth, his eyes switching over people passing by.

"I don't know, baby, but we can go find him." I suggest.

"Yeah!" He excitedly exclaims.

"Yeah!" I reply, laughing…

"I said 'this' much cranberry and 'this' much Vodka, man!" I hear Duff complain, followed by the splattering of liquid hitting the floor.

I turn the corner to see Duff face to face with their manager.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy!" Monroe kicks his legs, wrestling to get down.

"Monroe—"

Duff looks at us, this look coming to his face.

"H-Hey, man." He walks over to us, smiling at me. "When'd you get here?" He asks me, going to kiss my check but I lean back, wincing.

"You smell like b-o-o-z-e, Duff." I scold him as he takes our son from me.

"Yeah, don't worry about it." He assures me easy-goingly as Monroe hugs him tightly, grinning and laughing.

His girlfriend...more so drug buddy, Linda, walks by and he glances at her.

"Babe, you coming?" She asks him, raising her brows.

He looks at Monroe, then me, then her again, before frowning slightly.

"Go, we'll be okay for a few minutes." I insist.

"Are you sure?" He questions.

"Duff, we just got here. You don't have to spend every second with us right away. You've got stuff to do."

He sighs, looking at me, then Monroe again.

"C'mon, baby, daddy's gotta get back to work." I tell Monroe and he reaches for me again.

I take him and Duff kisses his head, and mine.

"See ya before the show." He tells us, waving bye to Monroe. "See ya in just a few minutes, Roe." He assures him as Monroe waves back.

I sigh, Monroe looking around again.

"When's daddy coming back?" He asks me.

"In just a few minutes." I assure him.

He's soon looking over my shoulder, his eyes wide and bright, a wide smile on his face as he brings his finger to his lips and goes "shh."

Before I can turn to see who he's looking at, a sharp pinch on my ass has me snapping around, ready to throw a punch, only to be met with Izzy.

He and Monroe laugh together at my expense and I hit Izzy in the arm.

"Tailhole." I hiss out, watching my language and he chuckles some more.

He looks so much healthier than he used to.

He used to be scraggly and high looking all the time...now he's filled out a little more and his skins glowing.

Of course that also probably has to do with him finding a girl he's full blown in love with.

"Duff leave you out here?" He asks and I shrug.

"We just got here, he's with Linda."

Izzy wrinkles his nose the slightest.

"Duff's to Linda like Nikki was to Vanity." He mumbles.

"Don't I know it." I state, knowing a crackhead girlfriend/boyfriend when I see one now that I've had experience with Nikki and Vanity, and Tansy and Sparkie. "Where is she at?" I ask once we get to his dressing room and see a picture of the Aneka girl he'd been telling me about in bits and pieces the past couple months.

"Visiting her family." He tells me as there's a small knock at the door.

"Yeah?!" Izzy calls and the door opens.

"There he is!" Tansy says excitedly, Monroe laughing and showing a mouthful of teeth, getting down from me and running to her.

"Tans!" He replies to her, just as happy to see her.

"Oh, my goodness, you have gotten so tall since I last saw you." She tells him and he puts his bicep up and she grins, squeezing him to her. "You wanna go see uncle Axl?"

"Yes!"

"Is that okay? Just for a little bit." Tansy asks me and I nod.

"Yeah, that's fine." I say and she picks him up.

"Alright, c'mon." She giggles and he waves at me.

"See you in just a little bit." I tell him, waving.

When she shuts the door, I fall back on the couch and groan, making Izzy raise his brows. "When we first got here, all I could hear was, 'daddy, daddy, daddy!'" I refer to Monroe and Izzy takes the cheap shot.

"Sounds like you on a good night." He says before I can finish and I glare at him, making him laugh.

"Sorry." He shrugs.

"Anyway...we finally get here and all he sees is his dad throw a fit because he didn't have the perfectly formulated ratio of Vodka and cranberry juice." I state and he lets out a soft breath. "And then Nikki's drinking again, and I know he's drinking again because he calls me in the middle of the night, drunk, to complain about his wife--which I told him not to marry her because he barely had time to really get to know her but nope. Nobody ever listens to Viv. And Tansy said that tweedle-Duff and tweedle-Slash wake up and start their morning with alcohol, which is comforting...I've been talking to Steven's mom a lot and she said he's been going down hill again after he tried to sober up some…"

"Yeah, I heard." He rubs the back of his neck.

"Axl's keeping Tansy from seeing anybody, he won't even let her call to check up on Steven right now. He thinks it'll trigger her to go off the deep end and get back on smack." I add. "Everything is just a shitshow at this point."

"Yeah…" he mumbles, before a long pause sits between us, and he finally clears his throat and sighs. "Um, I need to tell you something that I haven't told any of the guys yet, and I don't know how you'll feel but just know I've thought about it a lot and think I should do it."

"Izzy, I don't care if you're gay." I tell him and he sighs, giving a little smile…

"This is pretty serious." He says and I furrow my brows a little. "I want outta the band, Viv."

I feel a punch in my stomach.

First Steven, now Izzy...this is not how this was supposed to go…

"W-What?"

"Izzy, c'mon!" Their manager calls. "You're on soon!"

"We'll talk about it later, alright?" He says and I'm at a loss for words.

"Izzy,"

"It'll be alright, we'll talk about it." He assures me before stepping out.

Later that night, after Axl finally got on stage and the show was barely completed, Izzy and I split a room, Monroe and I taking a bed while Izzy takes the other.

Once Monroe is tucked into bed after passing out on the way to the hotel, I sit and wait for Izzy to get out of the shower and end up dozing next to Monroe.

I slowly blink awake when I feel fingertips tapping at my forehead, and Izzy's crouched down by the bed beside me...a little smile on his lips.

"Hey," he chuckles.

"Hey." I say back, blinking once more…

"It's not about the music anymore, Viv. The egos and drugs and booze and pussy--it's all coming first. I'm tired of having a show at 8:00pm and not getting onstage 'til 11:45pm, and only staying on stage until 12:30am before Axl gets breathed on the wrong way and storms off." He says softly not to wake Monroe up. "And it didn't help when my royalties were in talks of getting cut...and then when Ax is constantly coming up with lawsuits or contracts or NDA's, it's bullshit. It started out as five of us against them. Now Steven's gone, Axl's God and Slash, Matt and Duff are killing themselves. I just want out."

"You're breaking my heart, Izzy, you know that?" I sniffle tiredly, trying not to cry.

"I promise I'll be okay. This isn't gonna spring me into a relapse or anything." He assures me.

"I'm sorry for all of this happening." I admit and he shakes his head.

"Nah...it doesn't have anything to do with you. Me and the guys just have our own things going and it's just time for me to go my own way."

I just sniffle again, wiping a stray tear, and nod.

"And we'll still stay in touch and stuff." He adds. "You'll still see me around."

"Promise?" I ask.

"How else are we gonna keep tabs on each other to see if we gotta go through with our plan at forty-something." He shrugs.

"Oh, please, you'll still be with Aneka and won't even be bothered with me." I tell him and he shakes his head a little.

"Viv, I harassed you for nearly three years to marry me--even thought I didn't even fucking like the idea of marriage. If I went through that much trouble, I'm not gonna up and leave and only talk to you every blue moon."

I smile a little, rubbing my lips together before saying, "does this mean you're finally acknowledging that we are, indeed, friends?"

He rolls his eyes and stands back up.

"I didn't say that." He tells me and I chuckle. "G'night, Viv."

"Goodnight."

#gateway drug #gateway drug au #izzy x viv

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gifted-burnout-archive · 4 years

Text

Jim’s Best Friend

Part Thirteen - To Come Home

Word Count: 2104

Author’s Note: Yeah, so I think I’m going to maybe do a prompt list. And it doesn’t just have to be John Krasinski/Jack Ryan and Jim Halpert.... I dunno, I really like writing at the moment and I think I should try out some oneshot sort of things.

WARNING: implied smut.

March, 2007.

"So, Y/N is meant to be having a meeting with Michael and Jan today... And no-one but Pam and I know she's back in the States." Jim explained to the camera, glancing at his watch. "And as of two minutes ago, she has been in my car for two hours. Or in the warehouse, or wherever isn't the office." He glanced out into the main office. "I really hope she stays here in Scranton." He muttered softly, and a wave from Pam cause him to jump up. "Excuse me."

"Jan just called from the road, she should be here in ten minutes..." Pam informed, and as she did, the office door opened to reveal you, looking rather intensely at the floor that divided the office from the building behind you.

You needed time to think, to consider what could happen in the upcoming meeting, what people might think of you returning. In your thought, you had tidied out Jim's car, spent twenty minutes catching up with the building's security guy, Hugh, and gone to the bathroom twice. And after procrastinating for what felt like five years, two hours had passed, and you had a meeting to attend.

You took a breath, and set your shoulders, stepping into the office with a pretty smile and a wink to Pam. You kept your head high, stopping beside Jim in front of Pam's desk.

"Excuse me, Miss. I have a meeting with your manager that was moved up from noon to 11?" You said, loud enough for the office to eavesdrop. Jim shook his head, heading back to his desk with a big grin on his face, taking a seat to watch the scene unfold. He could see a few faces trying to place the dark-haired beauty, something about her too familiar.

"Ah, I have you right here, Miss Y/L/N. I'll let Michael know you are here." Pam responded in a loud voice, and your old colleagues jumped up to greet you. Phyllis was first, hugging you tight.

"What ten months can do! Do they not have food in Europe, Y/N?" She asked, and you noticed the ring on her finger.

"You're engaged!" You squeaked, and Phyllis nodded, letting you examine the ring.

One by one, you said hello to your old coworkers, even stopping by Dwight's desk to say a quick hello. Jim had stolen your old desk, Ryan stealing Jim's before that, and it was only one of the changes you noticed. There were two new staffers in the building, no doubt from the Stamford branch, and you noticed the woman from Jim's photo at a newly placed desk beside Phyllis. You headed over, smiling to her as she finished a phone call.

"We haven't met yet... But I'm Y/N. Jim has told me all about you, thought I'd say hello." You held out a hand, and Karen looked you over before smiling and returning the handshake.

"You went to Europe right?" She double checked, and you nodded, registering the sound of the front door opening again. You turned to see Jan, who smiled and nodded for you to follow her.

"Nice meeting you." You said quickly, straightening your top as you followed Jan into Michael's office. The moment the door was closed, Karen walked over to Jim's desk, tapping on his hand and gesturing for him to follow her into the hallway. Jim glanced at Michael's office door and then shrugged, following her out.

"What's up?" He asked, hands stuffed into his pockets. Karen turned to face him after pacing a few times.

"Y/N... You didn't tell me she was... Well..." Karen fumbled over her words. She wasn't the sort to get jealous. "She's hot, Jim. You described her as like a six at best and that girl is at least an eight point two." Jim laughed at that, quickly stopping himself when he saw she was serious. He, pulled her close, whispering something softly into her ear. A smile grew on Karen's face at the words, and she kissed Jim softly.

"What did I say to Karen?" Jim looked into the camera, a smirk crossing his lips. "A gentleman never tells."

"So, are we agreed?" Jan asked, looking between you and Michael, the latter of which had a frown on his face. "The temp will go with a glowing recommendation, and Y/N will be based here in Scranton as the company's reserve on Foreign Correspondence. What the Rochester branch can't handle, we have Y/N available for." Jan reiterated the agreement. "Y/N will also be available to the Scranton branch as a sales rep, though she answers directly to Corporate."

"First you left for Europe, and now you're joining the likes of Toby... Answering straight to corporate..." Michael grumbled, and you sighed.

"Michael, I won't have you talking to like that to my employee." Jan reprimanded him playfully, and smiled at you. There was clearly something going on there. "It's good to have you back with us, Y/N. Your boxes are being brought up by Darryl just now. You should be settled before lunch is over." Jan held out a hand, and you shook it quickly.

"Thank you so much, Jan. I promise to not let you down." You nodded, and Jan left the office, only you and Michael remaining.

The quiet was held for a few moments, uncomfortable and tense, before Michael let out a long sigh.

"So what? Everyone else gets a party?" You tried to joke with him.

"What am I supposed to say to a traitor?" Michael hissed, and you laughed out loud.

"I didn't betray you, Michael. I got out of Scranton, and I missed you, and I came back. If anything, this only makes us even after the Todd Packer thing." You folded your arms, and Michael looked down. He had hoped you had forgotten about it. "Why don't we go out tonight? We can get some food, catch up?" You suggested hopefully, giving Michael your best puppy dog eyes. He frowned deeper, trying his best to hide his smile, before he let it all burst out.

"Ah! I can't stay mad at you. Fine, yes, dinner! I want to hear all about Europe and, oh Y/N, the things you have missed here." Michael clapped, jumping up and hugging you tight. You did your best not to fall over, and Michael let go to open the door. "Ladies and gentlemen!" He called to the office. "It gives me great pleasure to announce that Y/N is back in Scranton!" The announcement was met with applause, and you curtsied to amuse your coworkers.

"Where you wanting the boxes, Y/N?" Darryl asked, standing by Pam's desk. You looked around the room, seeing the soon-to-be free desk was right across from Creed, and you bit your lip. As much as you wanted to be here, having Creed looking down your top the whole time was the last thing you dreamed of.

"Desk beside Jim's." You directed Darryl to place your boxes on Ryan's desk, who rushed out of the kitchen when he noticed.

"Y/N, what are you doing?" He asked, frowning at the smiles Dwight and Jim shared. "That's my desk."

"No, that's your desk." You pointed over to the spot beside Creed.

"But I'm not a temp anymore."

"And I'm not having Creed look down my shirt all day. Of course, I'm sure Kelly would love if you moved to the annexe with her..." You trailed off, smirking as his face dropped. Unlike Jim, you couldn't be pushed over so easily, and you remembered Ryan's weaker points.

"Creed is great." He said quickly, and you looked to a laughing Jim and winked. Within ten minutes, you had your new desk arranged and an office chair that didn't squeak.

"How did you do that..?" Jim asked, amazed by your ability to take back what you wanted. He hadn't wanted to cause any negative feelings between him and Ryan when he first came back.

"I'm better than you." You replied, taking a seat and placing down the last of your personal effects: a photo of you and your mom.

"Really? Because... The sales sheet would say otherwise." Jim had challenged you, and you had been in the office for no more than an hour.

"First to five sales?" You accepted it with a cheeky grin, and Jim nodded.

"Pam, keep count." He said, looking back at Pam, who was enjoying it all too much.

"Of course. Ready?" She asked, and with a nod of her head, the games begun.

"They really eat that much seafood in Spain?!" Michael asked through tears of laughter, the pair of you walking out the restaurant close to 11.30 that night. Your first day back had been more than successful, catching up with everybody, beating Jim in your competition, even messing a little with Dwight. It felt good to back in a routine, and you slotted back into the office like you never even left.

Michael and you had stuck to the plans, heading out after work to reconnect over burgers. And the past five hours had been filled with drink and food and joy, that you almost didn't want to get in the taxi.

"243 Maple Wood, please. Then 7303 Bonnie Place." You instructed the driver, sitting yourself beside Michael in the backseat. He looked up at you as the car took off.

"So you and Jim finally decided to date?" He said with a raised eyebrow. "I knew it! I always knew it, I have a radar for this sort of thi-"

"Oh, no!" You interrupted. "Jim is just letting me stay until I find a new place. He has a spare room, offered it to me last night instead of a hotel." You explained quickly, and Michael didn't look convinced.

"I don't believe a word you say Y/N, the chemistry there is palapalable..."

"Do you mean palpable?" You giggled, shaking your head. "He's been dating Karen for what, four months now?" You guesstimated, and your friend shrugged. "You seriously thought we were together?"

"Well, you're really touchy feely around the office with him, always getting him coffee and tormenting Dwight..."

"We're best friends..."

"Maybe." Michael shrugged, and the conversation ended there. You had never thought you were overly attentive to Jim, but looking back, the pair of you did partake in platonic PDA fairly often. "It'll be weird... Not really being your boss anymore." He spoke up again.

"I assure you Michael, you can order me around all you like. It'll be like old times, except some of the time I'll be speaking in Spanish over the phone. Or French..." The car slowed down outside of Jim's place, and you gave Michael a squeeze. "Thank you for tonight. I missed this."

"We'll make it a monthly thing." Michael said nonchalant, and you opened over the cash for the full fare.

"I'm holding you to that... And I wouldn't stress too much about the whole Jan thing... It'll work out at some point." You assured him, jumping out of the car. Part of the night had been dedicated to Michael's turbulent love life, and you were filled in on Carol at Diwali, then Christmas, and Jan at Christmas, which had led to a bizarre relationship that sort of happened? You had suggested dating outside of two women, but knowing Michael, he wouldn't listen to that advice until they were either both dead or married.

You tapped twice on the cab's roof, sending it speeding down the road towards Michael condo, and you walked up the driveway to Jim's front door, unlocking it with the keys he had given you that morning. You locked the door and dropped the keys in the bowl, heading first into the kitchen, and grabbing a drink.

As you shut the fridge, you heard giggling, and you walked into the living room to find Jim and Karen half naked on his couch, in the middle of a rather heated make out session. Karen spotted you first, her eyes widening as she covered herself with Jim's shirt.

"What... Why are you here?" Karen asked, and Jim looked over.

"Shit... Sorry Y/N..." he muttered, and you cracked open your can of beer, sending the pair a smile.

"No problem, I'll be in the guest room, headphones on... Enjoy your night, guys." You couldn't help but chuckle as you walked behind the couch to your sleeping quarters, the awkward situation was not what you had expected to face that evening.

And then, you realised that finding your own place, it might be better to do sooner rather than later.

Tags: @imsuperawkward @rosie2801 @onceuponahuntersrealm @poppirocks

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calacuspr · 3 years

Text

Calacus Weekly Hit & Miss – Carl Nassib & UEFA

Every Monday we look at the best and worst communicators in the sports world from the previous week.

HIT – CARL NASSIB

“I hope that one day videos like this and the whole coming out process are just not necessary," said Carl Nassib, the Las Vegas Raiders’ defensive end after revealing that he is gay.

In making his admission, during Pride month no less, Nassib becomes the first active National Football League player to come out publicly.

Nassib added: "I'm a pretty private person so I hope that you guys know that I'm really not doing this for attention. I just think that representation and visibility are so important.

"I'm going to do my best to cultivate a culture that's accepting and compassionate."

He followed up with a written message admitting that he had “agonised over this moment for the last 15 years” and it was only after he received so much encouragement from family and friends that he decided to go ahead.

“I am also incredibly thankful for the NFL, my coaches, and fellow players for their support,” Nassib wrote. “I would not have been able to do this without them. From the jump I was greeted with the utmost respect and acceptance.”

Nassib is also donating £100,000 to the Trevor Project, a suicide prevention service for LGBTQ youth in America, a creditable gesture which highlights his understanding of the struggles many young people face.

Amit Paley, CEO & Executive Director of The Trevor Project, gave thanks to Nassib for his generosity and said: “The Trevor Project is grateful to Carl Nassib for living his truth and supporting LGBTQ youth. Coming out is an intensely personal decision, and it can be an incredibly scary and difficult one to make. We hope that Carl’s historic representation in the NFL will inspire young LGBTQ athletes across the country to live their truth and pursue their dreams.

“At a time when state lawmakers are actively trying to restrict transgender and nonbinary youth’s participation in school sports, this news should serve as a clarion call for greater LGBTQ inclusion in the locker room and on the field.”

Of those who have admitted that they are gay in the past, Michael Sam came out before being drafted into the league in 2014, but never played a regular season NFL game.

Roy Simmons, who played for the Giants and Washington in the 1980s, was one of a number of players to come out after retiring. He told the New York Times in 2003 that he did not feel safe announcing that he was gay while he was in the NFL.

“The NFL has a reputation,” he said at the time, “and it’s not even a verbal thing – it’s just known. You are gladiators; you are male; you kick butt.”

Hall of fame quarterback Warren Moon revealed that gay players had long been a part of the NFL. He tweeted: “As long as they helped us win and were great teammates- their sexual preference was never a issue..

“We live in a different time now where diversity is much more accepted. Cheers Carl, and I hope this lets other athletes know, its OK to say who you are...”

The Raiders tweeted: “Proud of you, Carl” while club owner Mark Davis played down the significance of the announcement and said: “He’s a Raider. If he’s happy, I’m happy. It takes courage. I thought we got to the point where this wasn’t (a story). It doesn’t change my opinion of him as a man or as a Raider.”

The NFL was swift to offer their support for Nassib with Commissioner Roger Goodell saying: “The NFL family is proud of Carl for courageously sharing his truth today. Representation matters.

“We share his hope that someday soon statements like his will no longer be newsworthy as we march toward full equality for the LGBTQ+ community. We wish Carl the best of luck this coming season.”

NFL Players Association executive director DeMaurice Smith added: "Our union supports Carl and his work with the Trevor Project is proof that he -- like our membership -- is about making his community and this world a better place not for themselves, but for others."

Certainly 20 years ago, Nassib’s announcement may have ended his career based on the macho culture within the NFL locker rooms but the fact that his shirt was the top-selling NFL jersey on its network after his announcement according to sports apparel retailer Fanatics.

Nassib is now a poster boy for a new era in American Football and it is to his credit that he is embracing the challenge.

"I do not know all the history behind our courageous LGBTQ community," he added, "but I am eager to learn and to help continue the fight for equality and acceptance."

MISS – UEFA

The football community has been largely united in support for the LGBTQ+ community recently, from European players donning rainbow laces and calling out blatant acts of homophobia.

However, UEFA have been criticised for not explicitly challenging or condemning homophobia during Pride month.

German captain Manuel Neuer’s decision to wear a rainbow-coloured armband was initially banned by UEFA before they quickly changed their position.

UEFA then last week rejected a request to illuminate the Allianz Arena in Munich with rainbow colours during the EURO 2020 Group F match between Germany and Hungary.

There was suspicion that the proposal was a response to new Hungarian legislation, which has banned the promotion of homosexuality to those under the age of 18.

In a statement posted on social media, UEFA defended their decision by saying: “UEFA is proud to wear the colours of the rainbow. It is a symbol that embodies our core values, promoting everything that we believe in.

“Some people have interpreted UEFA’s decision to turn down the city of Munich’s request to illuminate the Munich stadium in rainbow colours for a Euro 2020 match as ‘political’. On the contrary, the request itself was political, linked to the Hungarian football team’s presence in the stadium for this evening’s match with Germany.”

The major of Munich, Dieter Reiter, was one of many who saw this as a missed opportunity from UEFA and he had hoped that the illuminations during the match would “send a visible sign of solidarity” with Hungary’s LGBTQ+ community.

The Germany and Hungary game finished 2-2 and summed up the mood from the footballing community perfectly towards homophobia and UEFA’s decision.

A pitch invader took to the field with a rainbow flag as the Hungarian National anthem blared out around the stadium, while Leon Goretza celebrated his late equaliser for Germany by running over to away fans and making a heart gesture with his hands, conveying the simple message that homophobia will not be tolerated.

Undoubtedly, UEFA have not a strong and clear position regarding homophobia throughout the EURO 2020 tournament.

Earlier, during Hungary’s opening Group F game against Portugal in Budapest, a set of Hungarian fans were seen holding a sign that read “Anti-LMBTQ”.

UEFA had an opportunity to react instantly to confirm the LGBTQ+ community as equals in society and in football but its delays had the result of many feeling unwelcome.

It took five days for UEFA to release a short statement on their website on the incident and no action has since been taken against Hungary.

The delay meant the message was not instantly dismissed, which suggests UEFA do not take the issue seriously enough.

Joe White, a spokesperson for the LGBTQ+ fans group 3LionsPride, has criticised UEFA’s messaging. In a statement, he said: “UEFA will tout themselves as supporters of equality and rainbow-wash their brand when it suits them, but rarely proactively engage or make improvements for LGBTQ+ people involved in the game.

“LGBTQ+ people across the game are not able to enjoy football when they have to face hatred in stadia and online.

“It’s clear that UEFA once again has its head firmly buried in the sand and is no ally of the LGBTQ+ community. Until UEFA start taking serious action against discrimination, the beautiful game is once again allowing its ugly side to rear its head.”

The rainbow symbol in football stadia reassures to LGBTQ+ individuals watching EURO 2020 that they are welcome in football. It demonstrates that attitudes towards homosexuality are improving within the sport.

Without the rainbow, particularly during Pride Month, those messages are lost.

Germany has led a continental call for greater LGBTQ+ unity throughout football. In the days following the UEFA Allianz Arena rejection, officials across Germany ignored the guidance, as stadia in Frankfurt, Augsburg and Nuremberg, as well as in Belgium, joined Munich by lighting up in rainbow colours.

Elsewhere, UEFA sponsor Booking.com, will use a rainbow outline in all of their pitch-side adverts for Round of 16 matches, including Holland’s game against the Czech Republic in Budapest.

Ahead of the tie in the Hungarian capital, Dutch Prime Minister Mark Rutte said that Hungary has “no place in the EU,” unless they retract their homophobic laws.

UEFA have demonstrated that the rainbow symbol will not be universally accepted in football, which is hardly consistent with their own claims to be pro-LGBTQ+.

The inconsistency shown by European football’s governing body during Euro 2020 underlines the fact that they have a long way to go to regain the confidence of the LGBTQ+ community.

Perhaps it is time for UEFA to go back to the drawing board and come up with a consistent policy which allows freedom of expression in the promotion of sexual equality.

#Crisis management #EURO2020 #Carl Nassib #American Football #NFL #New York Times #Trevor Project #UEFA #Germany football #Hungary #Pride

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beautyandthewarcanons · 3 years

Text

Echo's Beacon: Part Seventeen

[You can read part sixteen here! All BATW & DTTR characters belong to @poisonappletales ! ❤]

Viktor winced as Rosemary finished adjusting the bandages on his nose. "There you are, sir Viktor! Don't you worry- I'm going to take good care of you!"

"Much appreciated, miss Rosemary." Viktor spoke, his voice a bit fuzzy due to his nose still healing. Chase crossed his arms, rolling his eyes.

"He's been spending too much time with Wind." I said to Ambrosia before taking a bite of pancake.

"I heard that." I glanced over as Wind moved past us. Ambrosia giggled lightly.

"No need to fret, sir Wind. Lady Kara thinks highly of you." She assured him.

"Don't care." He responded.

"Morning, girls!" Bo exclaimed then, heading in with Barium. She sat on the other side of Ambrosia, Barium on the other side of me.

"Hey, Bo. Good morning, Barium." I greeted.

"How're you feeling?" She asked.

"Ambrosia's been a life saver. I'm pretty much healed from the other day. Also, I managed to get some decent sleep last night." I replied.

"Anything for my dear sister." Ambrosia smiled.

"That's great!" Bo exclaimed. "It was so scary when you were hurt. If there really are ghosts here, they're super mean!"

"It's good to see that you're more like yourself, Kara." Barium smiled.

"Thanks." Just then, I turned when Arsenik approached us.

"Ah, good morning miss Kara, your Majesty. And to you as well, miss Ambrosia, miss Bo Peep." He greeted.

"Hey there." My smile grew.

"Morning, Arsenik." Barium nodded. Ambrosia bowed lightly in greeting, and Bo waved at him.

"Are you faring well this morning, miss Kara?" He asked.

"Yeah..." I replied. "I'm feeling a lot better after our talk last night." At this, Chase picked up his head, looking over toward us from further down the table.

"I'm glad. It means a great deal to me that you know that I appreciate our friendship."

Viktor looked over when he heard a familiar laugh, noticing Unknown and Brooks wandering around. He narrowed his eyes. "Miss Rosemary, please excuse me." He said before rising from his seat. The Phoenix sighed longingly, pouting to herself when he left the room. She heard low grumbling then, turning her head to see Chase muttering under his breath, seated a few chairs down across the table.

"What's eating you, Tr- uh, sir Chase?"

Chase snapped out of his self-ramblings. "Huh? Oh, nothing."

"It doesn't seem like nothing... n- not that I care, anyway! I was just curious."

"Oh... well, you don't have to worry about me... thanks for asking, though."

"I'm not worried about you in the slightest." She straightened up a bit. "I'm a very busy woman, you know. You should be thankful I even took notice of you!"

"Well... I guess I am. Thanks, Rosemary."

Her expression softened a bit. "Y- You're welcome."

Meanwhile, Arsenik took notice of his nephew. "Ladies, your Majesty... please excuse me." I felt a light twinge of disappointment, poking at the remainder of my pancakes. I felt a light hand on my forearm then, glancing over to see it was Barium's.

"It has been a rough few days." The monarch began. "I was thinking that we could spend some time together today... relax, unwind from this week."

I hesitated for a moment. "Oh, um... sure, why not?"

A smile. "Take your time finishing up." He leaned in a bit then, lowering his voice. "I'd like to pamper you, today." He then rose from his seat, taking his leave. I paused for a moment, snapping out of it when I heard Bo giggle.

"Kara, you're so cute when you're all flustered!"

In the lounge, Brooks and Unknown teased each other until Viktor approached, interrupting them. "I hope you two are quite happy!"

"We are, actually... happy, and horny. Just the way I like it." Unknown stuck his tongue out playfully, making Brooks laugh.

"Is someone jealous? You want some, stud?" Brooks asked then.

"No. I want no part of you. It was both of your pestering that drove me to act shamefully toward miss Kara yesterday. I believe you ought to take some responsibility."

"Ooo... are ya gonna punish me, daddy?" Brooks snickered.

"You grow more indecent by the day spending your time with this scoundrel. Neither of you have any capacity to take any accountability, do you?" Viktor spat.

"She knows how to take something, alright..." Unknown burst into laughter.

"Will one of you be serious for a single moment?!"

"Viktor."

The younger Hulder turned, Arsenik approaching. "Arsenik, I- I just wanted to confront them about-"

"I understand. As admirable as your attempt is, you'll never get through to them. Don't fret, this is not due to any lacking on your end. You may go."

Brooks snickered as Viktor left. "Aww, poor little baby's gonna go cry-"

"Miss Brooks." Arsenik surprisingly interrupted her. "Your conduct toward my nephew has caused him a great deal of stress. I am asking you now to cease harassing him. You clearly have had no problem creating a carnal relation with Unknown. I suggest distracting yourself with occupations which do not involve Viktor."

"Whatever, jeez. I was just trying to get the guy to live a little!" Brooks snorted.

"If you keep your word, miss Brooks, I will greatly appreciate that." Arsenik then turned to Unknown. "As for you. You will cease tormenting my nephew with your vexatious remarks. If I find you persist with such behaviors beyond this conversation, our next will be less civil."

"Well, it's not my fault you want to keep him a little boy forever, mon ami." Unknown grinned.

"You will have no further influence upon him. You have no sense of propriety whatsoever, and Viktor will no longer be swayed by your vile mannerisms. Leave him alone." Without another word, and not giving the other man an opportunity to respond, Arsenik turned on his heel, briskly exiting the room.

"So Ambrosia, what do you think this spoon was used for?" Bo Peep asked.

"I can't be sure... but it reminds me of a sea shell. Lady Kara may have a better idea." Ambrosia answered.

"By the way... you better keep tabs on your sister before she becomes MY sister." Bo winked.

"Eh? I'm not quite sure what you mean."

"Don't you see how the King's been acting around her? I know that look. He likes her."

A pause. Ambrosia opened her mouth to answer.

"Hey, Princess!"

Ambrosia turned upon being called. "Ah, good morning, sir X."

"Say, got any plans today?"

"Not sure if you can make too many plans being stuck in a place like this..." Bo Peep remarked.

"Your friend here's got a good point. How about you and I find something to do, huh?"

Before Ambrosia could answer, a certain Imugi wandered back into the room. "No."

X scoffed, raising a brow. "I wasn't asking you."

"And? The answer is no." Wind reiterated.

"Look, pal. I don't know what's up with you, but you've been a real piece of work since we got here. You better remember who you're talking to."

"Sir X, please calm down... and sir Wind, there's no need to be so mean to sir X. He just wants to have a good time."

"Here's a reality check for you, Ambrosia. Except for the guy with a hood covering half his face, none of us are having a good time."

"I'm having a good time! Kind of. But I'm sure we can find something that's fun for all of us." Bo nodded.

"Don't care." He said without even looking at the Cucuy.

"Well, if you 'don't care' so much, then you should have no problem with me spending time with my woman." X nodded upwards once in a gesture of arrogance.

Wind narrowed his eyes, growling lowly. "Spending one night with her doesn't make her yours. You didn't even do anything."

"How do you know?"

"One, I would have smelled it. And two, your body would have been flayed by now."

"Ohhh, so scared, the big, bad wolf is gonna get me." X raised his hands, wiggling his fingers in false terror.

"Gentlemen, please... there's no need to fight." Ambrosia pleaded.

"Don't get any ideas in your head about doing anything with her."

"Or what? You'll 'not care' about me to death?"

"I'll shred every muscle in your body like cake."

"You can take a nice big bite outta me, fido." X went to place an arm around Ambrosia, doing a double take when he only felt air. "Hey, where'd she go, lady?" He asked Bo Peep.

"Oh, she left about a minute ago while you guys were fighting." She replied as she filed her nails.

Viktor sighed, upset from his failed attempt to confront Brooks and Unknown. He glanced up when he heard footsteps approaching to see Arsenik standing in the doorway.

"Hello, Viktor. I'd like to speak to you." With a nod from Viktor, the elder Hulder sat beside him. "I spoke to them. I'm confident they will be giving you less of a hard time going forward."

"I just wish I could have handled it myself. Why do they take you seriously, and not me?"

"Viktor, they take no one seriously, which is why you shouldn't take their resistance personally. They are ill-mannered and undisciplined. They have no sense of common decency or civility. This is all the more reason why you should not allow such persons to influence you... regardless of the amount of pressure they use. Intimidation is sometimes their only tool, because they lack rationality."

"I... I understand."

"I hope you've learned something from this, Viktor."

"I have."

"Very well, then. Perhaps try to find something pleasant to do today. I'd hate for you to waste the whole day moping." Arsenik smiled lightly.

"I'll try. It really has been awfully boring here."

"I know. Just try to make the best of it."

The pair of Hulder continued to converse, Viktor feeling a bit more chipper despite his boredom. Meanwhile, not very far off, Ambrosia sighed as she roamed through the corridors. She stopped when she heard voices, speaking quietly not far off. She wandered towards them, stopping as she peeked around the corner. Her heart sunk upon seeing her cousin engaged in conversation, once again, with Night. Straightening up, Ambrosia approached the pair.

"Good morning, lady Jasmine. How are you faring today?"

Jasmine cleared her throat. "Hello, lady Ambrosia. Are you here to clean up the spilt water just there?" She motioned to dribbles of water on the floor nearby.

"Ah... I wasn't aware of that. I can certainly clean that up."

"Good. If you'll excuse us, then." Jasmine replied.

"Lady Jasmine?" Ambrosia stopped her cousin when she attempted to walk past.

"Yes, lady Ambrosia?" She replied, exasperation in her voice. Ambrosia frowned when she noticed her cousin linked arms with the Vi knight.

"Perhaps... we can spend some time together, later?" Ambrosia asked.

"Perhaps. I'm not sure. Enjoy your morning, lady Ambrosia." Jasmine replied, turning on her heel to walk away with the towering man. Left alone, Ambrosia frowned lightly, turning to inspect the spots of water on the floor.

To be continued...

#beautyandthewar #poisonappletales #beauty and the war x playing pieces #beauty and the war #donttakethisrisk #ambrosia #dont take this risk #arsenik #unknown #horror #suspense #drama #fanficton

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angstmonsterwrites · 3 years

Text

This week delivered a pretty harsh emotional gut-punch. I had to end the only non-family friendship I had where the person in question lived within a 100mi radius.

She and I had been growing apart for a bit as it was--the way I saw it was that we simply had become two different people than when we first met online back in 2014. We'd exchanged emails for the longest time, and met once at a convention. She was someone who'd been easy to relate to and understand at first because of a traumatic upbringing, but the substance of her messages never changed or varied throughout the years--it was always, always about who had wronged her this time and why it was evidence of how terrible people are, but how she was "hardworking" and "different". We scarcely talked about anything else. Victim mentality. The one time we met only solidified that this was who she was. Imagine someone side-eying perfect strangers in a crowd of cosplayers and constantly grumbling about how they were too scantily clad and making remarks about how sure she was her favorite character would disapprove. (Yes, there was a concerning disconnect from reality there that often made me wonder if there was something schizoid-flavored going on.) Suggesting that she could do anything differently or an alternative point of view was usually met with a lot of reaching and bending over backwards for reasons why nothing was ever her fault or how it was someone else who had to change.

In short, it wasn't commiserating. It was years of me reading long screeds, and going, "Yeah. Uh huh. That sucks." Most of the time, if I brought up any complaint of my own, it was met not with compassion, but with either dismissal so that we could focus on her again, or more ranting about how it was all just more evidence of how right she was. Even just attempts at sharing new interests resulted in a sort of pushback where she'd barely stop short of telling me I was wrong or somehow treacherous for doing so. Trying to share good news always prompted her to double down on refocusing on how awful everything was for her.

As we got into the vile meat of 2020, my energy to respond to long-form emails was pretty well shot, and my responses had slowed down substantially. She started to badger me with the question, "What am I to you?" I explained that I felt our attitudes and values had seriously diverged over the years, and that my stress level was simply too high, but that if she still wanted to keep in touch, it was a better idea to message me here on tumblr or just text my phone. I have no issue having quick back-and-forths, and little to no restrictions on when it's okay to message me. As a general rule, I answer as soon as I see it. This seemed like it would solve the problem with the lapses at least, and communicating in a way that offered instant responses should have provided reassurance that I wasn't just ignoring her. Yes, we had our differences, but for the most part, I was unresponsive to the emails because I was having a hard time with my own mental health.

Should have. She agreed to respect the boundary I'd set, but then unfollowed me here and sent a long paper letter instead--the furthest thing from what I'd requested. She then would only message in months-apart check-ins to see if I'd read the letter yet, growing increasingly aggravated when I had not. At one point, she explained that it was meant to reveal to me how much she'd accomplished, and how I was wrong about her, and also contained a poem she wanted me to read aloud to my household. The hysteric "What am I to you?" questions continued.

After deliberating, I explained why the letter and her related actions had upset me. She said that she'd unfollowed (without even trying to message at first) me because she suspected I wanted nothing to do with her. She then also insisted that she'd sent the letter before unfollowing, complained about how badly she missed the email routine, and went on a tirade about how unfair it was she was the only one reaching out, and how she'd done so much more for me, and so forth. It essentially devolved into overt gaslighting.

It was then that I calmly told her that I felt it was probably best for us to leave one another in peace. Those were my exact words. If we couldn't even agree on how to talk without an explosion of manufactured drama--if she couldn't be bothered to respect one simple ask without making herself out to be a victim of unfair treatment--then there was nothing left to say. She responded saying that she was even more afraid I wanted nothing to do with her--at this point, it had become true--and again demanding to know what she'd ever really been to me.

I had had enough. I blocked her.

Two days later, I got one last email from her, and a phone call with no message. (Or I certainly hope it's the last. Good grief.) In it, she reiterated her belief that she'd been the one pouring all the effort into our relationship, how this confirmed I was 'just like everyone else', and that she wasn't going to let herself be hurt by me anymore.

And...I've been feeling like complete garbage ever since. Not so much because I felt it was time to end that friendship--the descent into blatant gaslighting was all I needed to push the proverbial EJECT button--but I’m left questioning why I tend to attract that sort of person more than any other--selfish, histrionic, delusional. Making and maintaining friendships is difficult for me, so the question of how I might have done anything differently has to be asked. The simple answer, I believe, is that I should have just been open about my disagreements and our incompatibility much sooner. But even with more emotionally mature individuals, I do have an unfortunate track record of lapsing into silence unless spoken to when I'm overly stressed, and I know that can send the wrong message. I don't want to be that person who does nothing but use the other as a doormat for continual complaining and nothing but. I don't want to burden anyone the way this person burdened me.

That's the emotional backlash I always face when a friendship fails because of toxic behavior: Is it possible that this same toxicity lives in me too, and I'm just too myopic or self-righteous to see it? Is it possible that this is why being any kind of a social person is so challenging to me? I don't think so, but what if I'm wrong? What if I'm reading my own tone wrong? What if I'm measuring the content of my conversations with others in a way that minimizes exactly how much self-centered bitching I do? Do I come off as someone with a victim complex?

I find myself coming back to the damaging, impossibly mixed messaging around socializing I was raised with. If I share what's good or fun, that could be selfish because what if the other person is having a hard time? What if I'm just rubbing something in their face they can't have? If I what I share is sad and difficult, I may be overburdening them or dragging them down when they'd otherwise be doing just fine. Sometimes just talking at all feels invasive--that is, attempting to get to know or draw closer to another person makes me feel like I'm stealing something that doesn't belong to me. I was always told that it's rude to pry, and that if others really want to talk to me specifically, they will without prompt.

In sum, these 'rules' allow for zero proactive communication, suggesting that any such effort is doomed to be bothersome and thoughtless at best. Of course, I don't buy into them anymore, but that doesn't mean that they aren't engraved into my psyche in such a way that violating them still comes with a serious wallop of guilt.

And as folks with a history of emotional abuse go, there do tend to be extremes of embracing victimhood as an identity, low-key messiah complexes, and what have you. I absolutely am guilty of nursing one of those soft-core messiah complexes, I think. Unfortunately, this means that when someone comes along with no end of narcissistic self pity--that is, not just someone truly down on their luck-- it's an easy trap for me to fall into. I always see it as my role to fix things for people or to try save them from their troubles, or to be the one who listens and gives. I want to be useful and relied upon and a source of comfort, understanding, and peace, but then I want to act all surprised when I get used and stepped on time and again when I fail to be 100% honest about any frustrations or misgivings I might have. By the time I decide to set any real boundaries, it’s far too late to maneuver out from under unreasonable expectations without snuffing out the relationship altogether.

When someone with a baby savior complex clashes with another person who possesses a loud-and-proud victim mentality, I suppose it's bound to be a slow-moving train wreck.

Maybe I'm not like her, but I can't escape the fact that in many ways, I really did bring this upon myself...Again.

---

TL;DR: I asked for some minor changes in how I communicate with a friend because my stress level was so high that the idea of jumping off a local overpass wasn’t not bouncing around in my head. Her response? Act like a jilted lover, thinking only- “But what about me?” And I realized it’s been that way with her for a long time.

#musings #personal musings #A tale of social ineptitude and regret.#Or...why I attract emotional leeches.#I do have two long distance friends who aren't Like That.#It's just a pity that a decent friendship seems to require >500mi.#This one will probably be eating at me for a while.#I had a similar in-person situation that really blew up on me in my early 20's. I actually lived with those ones.#I should have learned something from that. But it seems I failed.

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btsqualityy · 5 years

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BTS Toddler Series #16: Potty Training

Kim Seokjin

You walked into Kaiden’s room, smiling widely when you saw him still fast asleep. You leaned down in his bed, rubbing the top of his head gently.

“Kade,” you whispered. “Time to get up buddy.” He whined, turning onto his side to face you as he opened his eyes.

“Mommy,” he pouted as he slowly sat up.

“Good morning baby,” you smiled. “Wanna get up now?” He nodded his head and you grabbed his hands, helping him out of the bed. Once he was stable on the floor, he looked up at you with hooded eyes.

“Did you have any accidents last night?” You asked him and he shook his head. “Do you have to go to the potty now?” You wondered and he nodded. Grabbing his hand in yours, you lead him out of his room and into the bathroom that was directly across the hall. You then helped him out of his pull up and stood there while he relieved himself.

“Done mommy,” he announced and you grabbed a new pull up from the cabinet underneath the sink to put on him. Once he was fully clothed again, you kissed his forehead as he looked up at you.

“Go get daddy?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, go ahead. He’s in bed,” you told him and that’s all he needed to hear before he bounced out of the bathroom.

Min Yoongi

You stood in the middle of the aisle in the store, trying to make a decision about which brand to buy.

“Y/N-ah,” you heard and you turned to your left, seeing Yoongi walking towards you with Kinsley in his arms. “We were wondering where you had run off to.”

“I just wanted to come check something out that I’ve been thinking of,” you shrugged, turning back to the rack in front of you.

“Underwear?” Yoongi asked.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Kinsley has been doing so good with potty training that I thought maybe we could take the next step and transition her out of pull ups to wearing real underwear.”

“You think she’s ready for that?” He wondered as he adjusted Kinsley on his hip.

“Let’s ask her,” you suggested as you grabbed two different packs of underwear and held them up. “Sweetheart, do you want some underwear?” Kinsley eyed the two packs in your hands before reaching out for the one that was in your right hand, and you handed it to her.

“Pretty,” she murmured as she pointed to the package and held it up for Yoongi to see.

“It is pretty baby girl,” Yoongi agreed.

“Would you like to get those? You could wear them,” you told her and she nodded without hesitation. “Well, that settles it.”

“Well, alright,” Yoongi grumbled wearily. “I don’t have to like it though.”

Kim Namjoon

“Good morning,” you said as you walked into the kitchen and Namjoon looked up from his bowl of cereal and smiled widely.

“Morning jagi,” he greeted and you walked over to him, leaning down to press a kiss to his lips. You then moved over to Mason, who was working on eating his own smaller bowl of cereal.

“Morning Myungie,” you cooed, kissing his forehead and running your fingers through his hair.

“Hi mommy,” he mumbled back, his mouth full of food.

“Did you go potty yet?” You asked and he nodded immediately.

“Went all by himself too,” Namjoon added, making you smile.

“Such a big boy,” you mumbled as you kissed his cheek before walking away from him. “Are you gonna take him to daycare today, or am I?”

“I have an early meeting with the boys so you’ll have to,” Namjoon replied and you nodded before looking at the clock for the time.

“I better go get dressed then,” you muttered as you sped walked out of the kitchen. You went to the bathroom and barely made it two full steps inside before you felt something wet underneath your foot. Furrowing your eyebrows, you looked down and your eyes widened in realization.

“Namjoon!” You shouted and you heard fumbling before Namjoon appeared in the doorway of the bathroom. “When you let Mason use the bathroom by himself, did you check behind him after he was done?”

“Nooo,” Namjoon answered slowly, dragging out the last syllable. “Was I supposed to?”

“Look at the floor Namjoon,” you snarled and he did so, his eyes widening when he noticed what you were standing in.

“My bad,” Namjoon chuckled nervously, making you sigh heavily as you seriously contemplated divorcing your husband.

Jung Hoseok

“What the hell Y/N-ah?” Hobi gasped, his mouth hanging open dramatically.

“Oh, stop being so extra,” you laughed. “It was just a suggestion.”

“But said suggestion was that I should potty Lennox while you potty train Berk and that’s not fair,” he pouted.

“Ok first off, that’s not what the suggestion was. All I said was that since we want to start potty training them, you should be the one to explain it to Lennox and I’ll explain it to Berk,” you clarified.

“And why should we do that?”

“It’s simple: you have the same body parts as Lenny so it might help him understand better,” you explained. “The same idea applies to me and Berk.”

“So I wouldn’t be stuck doing the whole ‘potty training, accidents all the time’ thing by myself?” He asked for clarification.

“Of course not Hobi,” you scoffed as you rolled your eyes. “We’re a team, therefore we’re going to potty train them as a team.”

“I can work with that,” Hobi smiled before leaning over and kissing your cheek. “Now, let’s just hope that they cooperate.”

Park Jimin

“Mommy.” You groan lightly, opening your eyes to see Noah standing next to your side of the bed with teary eyes.

“Noah? What are you doing up so early?” You asked him as you sat up to look at him. He started to cry harder, which made your eyes widen in surprise.

“Hey hey baby boy,” you cooed, setting your hands on his chubby cheeks and wiping his tears away. “Why are you crying?”

“Accident,” he whimpered.

“Accident? What accident Noey?” You wondered. Noah wordlessly pointed to his pants and you looked down, realization washing over you when you saw the wet spot on the front of his pajama pants.

“Oh Noah,” you sighed, pulling him close to you and hugging him tightly. “It’s ok that you had an accident.”

“Noah bad,” he muttered as he shook his head and you pulled him away from your chest to look at his face. “Not a big boy.”

“You are not bad Noah,” you told him firmly. “You’ve been doing so good, it’s ok that you had an accident and guess what?”

“What?”

“Even big boys have accidents sometimes,” you said. You leaned forward and left kisses all over his cheek, making him giggle at the feeling. “Here, wanna go clean up and change clothes and then come cuddle with mommy and daddy?” You asked him and he nodded rapidly. You got out of the bed and grabbed his hand, leading him into the bathroom.

Kim Taehyung

“Go potty!” Spencer chirped and you groaned loudly before looking over at Taehyung.

“Don’t look at me, I took her last time and it turned out to be a false alarm,” he snorted. Since the two of you had started trying to potty train Spencer, you had come up with the idea of a sticker chart where every time that Spencer successfully used the bathroom, she got to choose a sticker and put it on the chart that hung on your refrigerator.

“Ok so in hindsight, the chart might’ve been a bad idea,” you admitted. “But at least she’s excited about using it though.”

“Mommy, potty,” Spencer whined and you sighed heavily before getting up and letting her take your head as you both headed to the bathroom. Once you got to the bathroom, you helped her pull down the pull up that she had on before sitting her on her small potty that was up against the wall. You waited for a few seconds and you heard the telltale sound of her going.

“Such a good girl,” you smiled, running your hand over her head. “All done?” You asked her and she nodded. You helped her clean up before fixing her pull up and her clothes.

“Sticker now?” She wondered and you laughed while nodding your head.

“Yeah, you can put a sticker up now,” you confirmed as you both walked out of the bathroom. You walked into the kitchen, grabbing the sticker book from the top of the fridge before handing it to Spencer for her to pick one.

“Did she actually go?” Tae questioned as he walked into the kitchen.

“Yep, didn’t even hesitate,” you answered. Spencer finally chose a sticker and reached up until she was standing on her tip toes, pressing the sticker onto her chart.

“Great job Munchkin,” Tae praised.

Jeon Jungkook

“Is this what the rest of our lives are going to be like?” Jungkook asked from his spot on the bathroom floor. You were sitting on the toilet, the cover down, while Ava sat in front of you on her little miniature potty.

“Don’t be dramatic Kook,” you chuckled.

“I’m not, I’m being serious,” he clarified. “We’ve been potty training her for a month now and she still won’t even sit on the potty unless we’re in here with her. So, to reiterate my question, is this what the rest of our lives are going to be like? Sitting in the bathroom with her so that she uses the potty?”

“Not every kid takes to using the potty immediately,” you shrugged. “It might take a while.”

“How long? Because we’ve been sitting here for 30 minutes and I haven’t heard so much as a tinkle,” Jungkook pointed out. You looked down at Ava, who was looking back and forth between you and Jungkook as she sucked on her pacifier.

“Do you have to go potty Ave?” You asked her and she nodded her head.

“Are you gonna potty sometime today then Angel?” Jungkook interjected, yelping loudly when you kicked his leg. Another 10 minutes passed as the three of you sat there in silence until suddenly, you heard the sound of tinkling.

“Good girl Ava,” you praised, helping her wipe herself before standing her up and fixing her pants.

“Good job Angel,” Jungkook smiled, holding up his hand and letting Ava give him a high five.

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the100epic · 5 years

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Mackson meta

I love the relationship between Eric Jackson/Nathan Miller on The 100 and am in the mood to do a bit of meta, just to answer the questions ‘Who are they and what makes them work as a couple?’ Given their limited screen time, it was fun to mine what I could from limited material. First, a disclaimer - I’m only on episode 5 x 8.

Looking at Jackson first, and starting with a few obvious things. He’s an adult when we first meet him, and he already has a good sense of purpose. He’s a born healer. He’s quiet. He is very serious, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders –given his limited time in front of the camera, we don’t know how often (or if) he lets his guard down and laughs. He probably puts the needs of others before his own – think of 5 x 2 when Abby tells him she’s happy for him (because he has Miller), and he immediately turns it around to ask how she is and express concern for her. He lost his mother, possibly when he was young, and it’s obvious that Abby has been his mother-figure for a long time. (Check the tears in his eyes in 1 x 1 when Kane is trying to float Abby). He decides to take the chip in Season 3, probably feeling desperate for a route towards ending the suffering of other people, something he always tries to do but can never succeed at.

We don’t know if he’s ever been in another relationship before Miller. Maybe he has; he’s got to be at least 23 years old before the time jump and there had to have been some interested parties on the Ark. Or maybe he hasn’t; he’s clearly been working constantly ever since he’s been able to, so maybe he would have felt guilty for pursuing romance. However, I lean towards thinking that he has been in a relationship before. He is the one who makes the first move on Miller in Season 4, suggesting that he has some experience and confidence in this arena.

We have more material on Miller (though still not enough). He is younger when the show starts, and I feel his personality was not yet fully developed or defined back then. Partially because of limited screen time, and partially because he is under 18 when the show starts and he just has some natural growing up to do. What we do see is that he has a sense of humor (such as during the ghost stories conversation with Bryan and Harper), and he appears loyal to Bellamy. Part of that loyalty is undoubtedly due to the fact that he is trying to do what all of The 100 is trying to do - whatever it takes to survive. Miller does a good job of getting in with Bellamy’s group and being seen as a good foot soldier/ good lieutenant to Bellamy. This theme replays itself throughout the series; he is always a good solider, and in Season 5 it is the other Blake for whom he is a good lieutenant.

We know three things about Miller’s time on the Ark.

1. He has a father who loves him

2. He has a boyfriend named Bryan

3. He was arrested for stealing

My head-canon is that his theft had to do with stealing a gift or something for Bryan, but there’s nothing in canon to back that up. We do know from season 2 that Miller is ashamed of what he had done, ashamed for having let his father down. We don’t know how long he was incarcerated before being sent down to earth, but you can be sure that he’s had plenty of time to think about the ramifications of his actions.

We can also infer that he was training to be in the guard, like his father, back on the Ark. Miller’s too good of a solider by the time he gets to the ground for him to not have had some training.

Before we can get to Mackson as a couple, I need to take a glimpse at “Briller” – Miller and his ex Bryan. They’re reunited in Season 3, and it must have been hard for them; at one point they surely must’ve thought they’d never see each other again. On top of that, there are serious, major life experiences that they do not share (Season one’s war with the Grounders, Miller’s experiences as a captive in Mount Weather just for starters). As far as we can tell, the two young men do try to make it work, which indicates to me that Miller likes being in a relationship, likes having someone to love. When Bryan is up on the Ark, Miller never cheats on him despite knowing that he might never see him again. Unlike with Finn, perhaps the opportunity never presented itself but this still suggests that one of Miller’s qualities is loyalty.

My favorite conversation of Briller’s occurs at the end of Season 3 when they spend a minute dreaming of their future, thinking of how they’d love to have a farm and chickens. It gives a great glimpse into Miller’s head. He probably is a solider because he has to be, but he dreams of peace. During those years in the bunker, his dream of living on a farm must’ve felt even more remote than ever, though at least he had a man he loves to dream alongside.

We never get the full story on why it didn’t work out with Bryan. Was it due mainly to their disagreement on how to handle the Azgeda slaves or was that just one factor among others? (That debate – freeing the slaves versus getting the equipment they need to survive - does deserve some more analysis which I won’t get into here). We can only speculate as to whether that was the main reason for the breakup, or if other reasons presented themselves. Given what we do see with Mackson though, I wonder if Bryan and Miller were just too similar.

Because I see some good yin and yang with Mackson. Miller’s words in 5 x 2 to Jackson give us a great clue: “You’re a healer, not a fighter. That’s why I love you.” So we can add up the ways Jackson and Miller’s differences complement each other:

1. The fighter and the healer

2. Miller’s sense of humor contrasted with Jackson’s seriousness (Miller gets a rare smile out of Jackson in 4 X 9 during their scene in the rover)

3. Miller’s impulsiveness contrasted with Jackson’s clinical detachment

4. Possibly their age gap as well, with Jackson’s maturity being a plus for Miller. Remember that Miller’s father dies at the end of Season 4, right at the time that Mackson is taking off. I doubt Miller views Jackson as a father-figure in any way, but I do think Jackson’s maturity and ability to deal with other people’s pain provided a lot of balm for Miller. This experience had to have helped bond them.

But for a relationship to work, the partners can’t be too different. There have to be similarities too. Here are some Mackson ones:

1. They grew up with love. Miller’s dad and Jackson’s mom (whom we know less about, but we can infer a lot given the impact she made on his life) showed them love.

2. This trait is usually viewed as a negative, but the truth is that both Miller and Jackson are followers, not leaders. Miller follows whoever is their military leader (Bellamy, Octavia, etc) and Jackson follows Abby. Being a follower carries stigma, but the flip side of that coin is that both are very loyal. And maybe it means they are smart survivors, knowing that if you want to stay alive, it can’t hurt to hitch your wagon to an alpha.

3. Both are driven. Miller knows he made a mistake on the Ark, and he worked his butt off to survive on the ground and prove himself a valuable solider. And there’s no need to reiterate how driven and self-motivated Jackson must be in order to devote his life to healing.

4. Every single character on The 100 has made morally questionable choices, and I need to point out that Mackson are no different. Even Jackson was willing to experiment on “Baylis” in Season 4, and was about to do so to Emori. You can see the agony in his eyes, but we do not get any lines of dialog to indicate that he spoke out or offered himself in their places (which Abby would never have accepted). They both have to live with their demons and their regrets like every other character on the show.

Here’s something I wish I knew more about: When Mackson first gets together, they were facing – as Miller quips – “fiery death in five days”. Their relationship could’ve easily been a fling and nothing more – just one last sexual encounter before the world ends, perhaps? I wonder when it became more, or whether it was always intended to be more than a fling. The next time we see them together, the five days have passed, Praimfaya is upon us, and they are clearly a couple (as we see in 4 x 12 – there are SO many looks and touches, including an unexplained, secret hand gesture, the type of move done by intimate couples). Did they have in-depth conversations to discuss what might happen if they both somehow survived Praimfaya? I can definitely see Jackson being the type who would want to think about and discuss this. Or did they realize that there was a good chance that one or both of them wouldn’t make it, and thus tacitly decide that the topic was just too painful to discuss? Maybe they just took the approach of living for the moment and hoping for the best? (And next, of course, would come the moment that they woke up from the gas and had to face the fact that Miller’s dad wasn’t chosen, and they would have to process that).

Also I wish I knew more about what prompted Jackson to make the first move. I suspect some fans view him as passive, given his interactions with Abby, his quiet demeanor. So I will always love the fact that he made the first move. Was it motivated solely by Praimfaya? Did Abby at some point tell Jackson that Miller was single now and that he should approach Miller? Was it something that Jackson had quietly wanted to do for a while? (Maybe he noticed Miller even back when Bryan was still a thing). Had Miller been giving him a few signals to let him know that he was open to something? Was Jackson lonely and just wanting to reach a deeper connection (whether it be sex or a relationship) with another human being, especially given what they were facing in Season 4? Or some combination of the above?

No way of knowing this glimpse of their past, but I look forward to their future.

#the 100 #mackson #eric jackson #nathan miller #the 100 meta

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wolfpawn · 5 years

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I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 17

Chapter Summary - Danielle is introduced to one of Paul's friends, which goes down like a lead balloon. When Danielle goes home, she is exhausted, upset and has a headache to boot; and there is one person there to help her, Tom.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

Right so, I should explain one thing before we go any further. There are two racist terms a lot of British people called Irish people over the years, a 'Paddy' a name coming obviously derived from the nickname Patrick, a common Irish name, but also Taig, which is, according to Wikipedia is

Taig - In the context of segregation in Northern Ireland and sectarianism in Glasgow, the term "Taig" (along with Tim) is used as a racist epithet and derogatory term for a Roman Catholic, used by Northern Irish Protestants and Ulster loyalists.

So these are highly offensive and racist terms, so it should be noted, it is the same as calling a black person that 'n' word (which honestly I could never bring myself to say).

I know this seems random, but to signify the severity of what Charles says, I need to explain this for non-Irish people.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

“Danni” the paramedic winced slightly when she heard Paul call her name. She had seen him when she had admitted a patient, talking to what could only be described as a clearly privately educated pompous looking man when she entered. “Danni, come here a moment.” His tone was upbeat as he called her. She forced a smile onto her face before turning and facing the two men. Paul was walking up to her, the other man a mere pace behind. “Charles, this is the woman I was talking to you about.” Paul declared proudly as he put his arm around Danielle. “Danni, this is my friend Charles I told you about; Charles, this is my lovely girlfriend Danni.”

Inside Danielle felt awkward and irked; she was in her uniform, her leg cover covered in vomit from the small child that she had just dealt with in the ambulance. “Hi.” She waved a little at the man in front of her, noticing that he was eyeing her with more than a hint of disdain in his eyes.

“Pleasure.” He stated, though his tone stated it was anything but. “From the manner you spoke Paul, I thought she was an intern here.”

“No, Danni’s a paramedic and a good one too. She is actually second in command in her base.” The doctor stated proudly.

Danielle could see from the look on Charles’ face that she could have been the head of the paramedics in Europe and it would not have mattered. There was a snide look on his face as he glanced at her again before turning to Paul once more. “Did I mention that Lucia Hawkins has been asking for you of late, you remember her, the year below us, top of her class, she is a Registrar Obstetrician now?”

“I think I better get back to work.” Danielle stated turning to leave, “I will see you over the next few days, Paul.”

“Danni, Charles, one second,” Paul called, running after her. “Danni, what are you doing?”

“Getting back to work.” She reiterated.

“Charles is one of my closest friends, we are meeting him for lunch tomorrow for this get-together.”

“Paul, I never actually agreed to that, you never mentioned it again since that time you mentioned it at all two weeks ago, and now that I have met Charles, I am most definitely not going.” She stated in an angry whisper, not wanting to bring attention to them. “I better go, this is your workplace and I don’t want either of us getting a disciplinary.”

“How can you say something like that about him, he is my friend and you won’t even bother getting to know him?”

“I don’t need to know any more, he could not look further down his nose at me if he was standing at the top of Everest and I was at the bottom and the way he was going on about that girl you were in college with…”

“What about Lucia?”

“Are you really so blind? He is trying to imply you should call her up rather than slumming it with me.”

“You're being ridiculous Danielle.” He scoffed.

Danielle’s brows rose, “Wow, my full name, this is serious. I am not being ridiculous, I bet when you go back there and were you to discuss me, I would not be worth more than a few short words, and she would be suggested again and again.”

“I am right here,” Charles stated, walking over to them. “And I do not appreciate being spoken about like that by some Paddy paramedic.”

Danielle stared at him in shock. “What did you just call me?”

“What?” Paul looked between them.

“Do you call black people the ‘n’ word too?” she demanded, catching the attention of the nurses at the station nearby with her statement.

“Whoa, Danni, what the hell, are you calling Charles racist?” Paul seemed appalled at her.

“Calling an Irish person a ‘Paddy’ derives from the condescending and racially abusive way many British workers referred to Irish workers who came over to work here, it was used to degrade and belittle, as well as to infer to Irish as being inferior, same as that other word.” She explained, “If you’ll excuse me, I am off to see if I can keep some misfortunate people alive long enough for them to make it into the A&E for you to boost your God Complexes on.” She turned and left, shaking in anger as she did so, leaving a somewhat shocked Paul in her wake.

“She’s a bit temperamental.” Charles scoffed watching Danielle leave. “Seriously Paul, the Irish come from feral blood, and she doesn’t seem too far removed, a good, proper girl is what you want. Lucia, she heard what Julia did and wants to get talking to you.” Paul said nothing and watched his girlfriend as she walked out of the A&E without a backwards glance.

The following morning, after finishing her shift, Danielle sighed as she parked her car in her driveway. She had a headache that felt as though her skull was physically splitting after what Paul’s friend had said, and for the rest of the night, her partner on call simply left her stew on what was bothering her, knowing better than to say anything. She was about to get her belongings and go into the house to shower before seeing if she could sleep away the stress headache when her phone began to ring, pulling it off the charger she had in her car, she groaned at seeing Paul’s name on the caller ID. “Hello.” Her tone was neither polite nor cold.

“What the hell was that Danni?”

“I’m not interested, Paul, seriously, I have a headache.”

“That’s all you have to say, I have never been so embarrassed, I have done nothing but praise and build you up to my friends and you go off on one of my best friends in the middle of the A&E.”

“He called me a Paddy, he used a derogatory term to belittle me, and what is worse is I told you why that term is offensive and you did not defend me, you didn’t even try to.” Her voice broke as she spoke.

“Danni…” Paul seemed to catch her upset.

“Don’t, I don’t want to hear it. I told you he would look down at me and I was right.”

“Look, Charles is just from a rich background, he can be a bit pompous at times.”

“Emma is from a rich background and she is never like that, that is the worse fucking excuse yet.” She snapped.

“Look calm down.”

“I am calm, I am very calm, which is what is terrifying me really, Paul.” She admitted. “I am going to bed, I am not in the mood for bullshit today.”

“What about lunch?”

“Seriously, you think I would want to go to lunch with that asshole? I can tell already I would be belittled and humiliated for his amusement, if not for the amusement of others too. I am not going, you didn’t even give me a proper date for any of this. I am tired and in agony with my head, I am going to bed.”

“So you are going to make me seem like an idiot and not turn up?” Paul barked back angrily. “Is that what you are saying?”

“Your friends are all doctors, I am sure they’ll understand the meaning of a week on nights. You won’t look like an idiot, if they had any respect for others they would commend the fact I work hard in a similar field to them to try and help people, if they don’t see it like that, they are probably not the type of people I should associate with.”

“Danielle…”

“I am not going, I am tired and in pain Paul, so just enjoy yourself and talk to me again when your racist ass of a friend is well and truly the hell away from Suffolk.”

“He was there for me after Julia.”

In her desperation to get in home and hopefully getting some rest soon, Danielle had gotten out of the car and went to the backseat to get her bag. “And perhaps in his scale of assholeness, that might be a point in his favour, but he is still an asshole, Paul, especially for suggesting a different partner for you in my fucking presence. I was three feet away and he was talking about you going for another girl.”

“Well, I dare say Lucia would try to make an effort.” He retorted childishly.

“If she spent the night helping women give birth and then had the energy to listen to that bastard racially abuse her the next day, she would become my new idol, because fuck me, she would be Wonder Woman, but I’m not able; so I going to go into my house and get some sleep to try and shift this headache and hopefully you will cop the hell on in that time and realise the way your friend spoke about me is completely uncalled for and you will defend me from it, be I present or not.”

“Danni…”

“Goodbye, Paul.” She hung up the phone and groaned as she crashed backwards against her car for a moment in exhaustion.

“Are you okay Elle?”

“Hey, Tom.” She stated exhaustedly turning to face him. He was standing at the edge of her driveway in the same running gear the trash columns ridiculed him for in the US. “Good run?” In the two weeks, since they half began speaking again, she had shared only one other conversation with Tom, and they had only texted on one occasion when Tom was meeting friends in a pub, with regards the lunacy of the Irish sport of hurling, before he had gone back to London.

“Alright, yeah.” He nodded, sweat on his brow. “Are you alright, you seem a little upset, and well, I caught the last few sentences you said?”

Danielle shook her head, “Yeah, I’m fine, just shit I really don’t need.”

“You do realise you shook her head as you said yes?”

“Meaning?”

“Your yes was really a no.”

“Tom, I really can’t right now, my head is splitting and I’m just…” she inhaled deeply.

“Hey.” He walked over, concerned at the clear upset on her face. Cautiously he walked close to her and wrapped his arms around her. “Look, it’s none of my business, but if people are saying shit to you because you’re Irish, you have every right to be mad.”

“Thanks for the vindication.” Usually, she would be sarcastic when she would say that, but that time, she just wanted the validation. “Tom.”

“Mmm?”

“You are drenched in sweat.”

He gave off a chuckle as he pulled back. “Sorry, you just look like you needed a hug.”

“I did actually, thank you.”

“Do you really have a headache?”

“Like Animal is playing the drums on my skull.” She smiled, knowing he would get the Muppets reference.

“Go in, I’ll take your bag, take some ibuprofen, take a shower and get some rest.”

“I need to get breakfast.”

“Weetabix with honey, fruit and almond milk?”

She smiled at him, “You don’t have to.”

“Elle, please, just let me help.” She was about to argue again when he went for a threat. “If you decline, I will go home and tell mum you’re not well.” He grinned.

“Fuck you, Hiddleston.” She groaned, no longer arguing, throwing her keys on the counter as she walked in her hall.

“You’ve changed the place a bit.” He noticed.

“You should see the living room.”

Tom stretched his neck slightly to look in. “Jesus.” He looked at it, “It’s brilliant.”

“I know.” She gave a small smile, “I’ll be back in a minute.” She ran up the stairs after taking ibuprofen.

Tom looked around the living area properly while she was upstairs, scanning her new bookshelves when he heard the shower turn off, he grabbed the last few things she needed for a quick breakfast. “Here,” he handed her the bowl of breakfast.

“Thanks.” She smiled appreciatively as she took it.

“I noticed a few medical titles in your living area that I have not seen before; are you doing more exams?”

“On the table?” Tom nodded. “No, those are Paul’s, he’s studying for his next exams.”

“Right.” Tom played around from foot to foot. “Can I ask what happened, you seem really upset?”

“I met one of Paul’s friends.” Tom’s stomach twisted at the thought of her being made a bigger part of Paul’s life. “He was a complete prick, I mean, he looked at me as though I was shit on his shoe. He told Paul about a girl they knew wanting to meet him, implying she was far superior to me, he completely belittled my job and he called me a fucking Paddy, can you believe that?” Tom looked at her wide-eyed. “Why am I telling you of all people this?”

“Because I understand; after all, I am recently single again.” He shrugged.

“We are just having an argument.” Danielle corrected.

“His friend used a racial slur against you.”

“No one knows that more than me Tom.”

“From what I heard, he did not defend you.”

“No, he didn’t,” she admitted, crestfallen.

“Not that it is on a par with what I did to you Elle, but don’t sell yourself short for anyone.”

“Are you seriously making short jokes?” she could not help the slight smile on her lips.

“Is it working?”

She nodded slightly. “A little.”

“Good. Go to sleep Elle, your out on your feet. I’ll see myself out.”

“Thanks, Tom, for everything.”

“Anytime Elle, I mean it.”

#I Hate you I Love You #chapter 17 #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic

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starryknight09 · 5 years

Text

Whatever It Takes Ch. 14/?

Summary: Peter’s struggling to cope after the loss of Mr. Stark. Everyone keeps telling him it’ll get better and that he needs to move on, but Peter doesn’t want to. He can’t envision a life without his mentor. So when an idea comes to him, he doesn’t hesitate, no matter how crazy it is. He’s going to get Mr. Stark back.

“What exactly are we going to do?” Ned asked.

“Whatever it takes.” Peter answered.

Read on AO3.

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Tony peeled over to the side of the road at the school. He’d barely put the car in park before he was sprinting out of it. The long drive hadn’t helped his anxiety any. The only thing that would was seeing his kid. He got to the front door and paused to run his hands down his suit, an automatic habit, before he realized he wasn’t even wearing one. He’d run out of his house in a pair of dark jeans and a t-shirt. He hadn’t let anyone see him in public like this in as long as he could remember. Shit.

At least he’d remembered his sunglasses. He shook his head and took a deep breath as he threw the door open and began striding confidently to the office. He’d only been inside Peter’s school a couple times before, but it was enough to remember where to go.

He did his best to mask the anxiety coursing under his skin as he burst into the office like he owned the place. The secretary was busy on the phone and didn’t so much as glance up in his direction. Luckily, no one else was around.

He cleared his throat and announced, “I’m here to pick up Peter Parker.”

The secretary looked up and her jaw dropped.

“Um I’m going to have to call you back Jan.” She hung up the phone and sat a little straighter as she asked professionally, “And you are?”

He raised his eyebrows and gave her his best ‘are you kidding me?’ look.

“Um right. Mr. Stark. I’ll just uh— Does he know you’re coming?”

“No but I’m on that contact list thingy so I can take him.” He waved his hand absently. May had put him on it as a backup before Peter had been dusted. He assumed the records were still the same.

She blinked and typed something, looking at her computer screen.

“Oh. You are.” She said with no small amount of surprise.

“Yeah so can you get him for me?” He tried not to let his impatience show too much even as he tapped his index finger on the counter.

“Of course.” She glanced at the computer again. “It looks like he’s in chemistry with Mrs. Fullbright right now. Let me just call down to her room and have him come to the office.”

Tony waited while she picked up the phone and did exactly that.

“He’s on his way Mr. Stark.” She informed him as she hung up the phone, as if he hadn’t heard the entire conversation himself. She held a clipboard out to him. “If you could just sign him out for me.”

“I don’t like to be handed things.” He said, not taking it.

They stared at each other for a few seconds. He could tell she was trying to figure out if he was kidding or serious. When he made no move to take it, she set it down on the counter in front of him.

He looked it over and pulled one his own pens out of his pocket, filling out Peter’s name, time and dating it, and then scrawling his messy signature in.

“If this ends up on ebay, I’ll know who to sue.” He told her seriously as he nudged the clipboard back toward her. The idea of his signature next to Peter’s name on a school sign out form made him uneasy. It wouldn’t take a lot of imagination to figure out it meant he was close to the kid. He didn’t love the idea of people connecting them for Peter’s own safety, even though he was Spiderman.

“I would never.” The woman said, affronted enough that he believed her.

“Good.” He nodded and the office door opened behind him.

“You wanted to see me Ms. Schmidt?” Peter’s voice asked.

Tony turned and saw surprise flash across Peter’s face. The sight of his kid alive and well in front of him finally unfurled some of the dark fear in his chest.

“Uh Mr. Stark?”

“Mr. Parker.” He raised an eyebrow at the kid. Peter had been doing a lot better about calling him Tony lately.

“Mr. Stark signed you out.” The secretary explained.

“Oh.” Peter’s brow furrowed.

“Come on.” Tony grasped his shoulder and led him out the door.

“Have a good day.” Ms. Schmidt called out after them. Peter, with his impeccable manners, thanked her, but Tony just threw his hand up in a haphazard good-bye.

“Do you have all your stuff?” Tony asked. All he saw was a backpack slung over the kid’s shoulder.

“No. It’s in my locker.”

“All right. Let’s go get it.”

“Um not that it’s not good to see you and everything, but uh, what are you doing here?” Peter asked as they walked down the hallway toward his locker.

“Picking you up.” Tony decided to keep it simple for now.

“Is something going on? Is there like…a mission?” Peter whispered the last part as he fiddled with his locker’s combination, popping it open.

“No. And even if there was, you wouldn’t be coming. Remember?”

Peter rolled his eyes as he shoved even more books into his backpack. “So why are you here two hours early then?”

The second he asked the question, Peter froze and looked up at him with fear filled eyes. “Is everyone ok? Are Pepper and Morgan—”

“Everyone’s fine kid. Don’t worry.”

“So you picked me up early just because? I’m missing a Spanish quiz for this.” Peter complained as he re-shouldered his backpack and pulled out the duffel shoved in the bottom of his locker.

“You can make up the Spanish quiz.” Tony said, taking the duffel from him.

“But—” Peter started to argue but then got distracted by grabbing for the duffel. “I-I can get that. You don’t have to—”

“It’s fine. I’ve got it.” Tony said. “Let’s go.”

Peter shut the locker with a sigh. “Tony, what is this really about?”

“We’re not talking about it here.” Tony said as he rested a hand on Peter back and started guiding him out.

“So something iswrong.” Peter frowned but kept walking

“You could say that.” Tony wrapped an arm around his kid. “But we’re going to figure it out.”

Peter frowned up at him, but he didn’t say anything else, and he let Tony lead him the rest of the way out of the school and into the car. Tony just enjoyed the relief at having Peter safely in his grasp.

His racing heart had finally calmed by the time they both buckled into the Audi and he drove away, on the way back to the lake house.

“So…what’s up?” Peter asked suspiciously, eyeing him.

“We’ll talk about it when we get home.” Tony answered, squeezing the steering wheel as he tried not to think about the sight of his amazing kid falling from the sky.

Peter gave him an unreadable look, but instead of correcting the fact that he’d referred to the lake house as home, he asked, “Am I in trouble?”

“No.”

“Ok…” Peter said, eyes narrowing.

“How are things going with the nutritionist?” Tony asked, changing the subject.

Peter shrugged. “She’s making me eat these nasty shakes all the time but otherwise it’s been fine.”

Tony nodded. He already knew that. Nicole had submitted Peter’s plan to him earlier in the week.

Peter stared out the window for a couple more minutes before he interrupted the silence to ask, “So there’s really no crazy world ending thing going on?”

Even though Tony was worried beyond belief, his mouth twitched into a smile. “No. Sheesh you’ve gotten paranoid since I’ve been gone.”

Peter’s skepticism was apparent.

“We need to talk about something, but it can wait until we get back to the house.” Tony reiterated.

“But it couldn’t wait until the end of school?” Peter asked, confused.

“No.” Tony answered.

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Peter’s eyebrows scrunched together.

“Doesn’t need to.” Tony said. “Now tell me about your day.”

Peter eyed him for a few long seconds before he seemed to realize he didn’t have any hope of getting Tony to explain further, so he shrugged and answered, “It was all right.”

But he didn’t elaborate, which wasn’t like him at all. Usually he’d be talking a mile a minute and gesturing wildly to describe everything. How could Tony have missed this?

“How’s your friend Ted?”

“Ned.” Peter corrected and rolled his eyes but at least that got a smile out of him. “He’s good.”

That topic got Peter to talk. He talked about what they were working on in school and how Ned had been worried the Avengers were going to come and arrest him for helping Peter, which forced a laugh out of Tony.

With a little more prompting, Peter told him about decathlon practice and May’s new work schedule and how he’d been trying to learn how to cook but it was actually a lot harder than it looked. The conversation reached the point where it flowed easily and freely between them. But Peter still wasn’t his usual happy, bubbly self. He wasn’t the kid Tony remembered.

And he never mentioned a thing about any nightmares or his lack of sleep.

He never even came close to admitting that he was still struggling.

Even though now that Tony knew to look for it, the signs were as clear as the nose on his face.

The drive back didn’t feel as long or as terrifying as the drive to Peter’s school. Having Peter in the car with him had quelled the worst of his panic, and before long they were pulling into the lake house driveway.

Tony put the car in park and got out. Peter followed silently right behind.

“Why do I get the feeling I’m about to get yelled at?” Peter asked as soon as they walked into the lake house and Tony closed the door behind them.

“Guilty conscience?” Tony suggested.

“No.” Peter frowned. “AmI about to get yelled at?”

“No.” It was Tony’s turn to frown. “What would I be yelling at you for?”

“I don’t know but you seem…weird.”

“I seem weird? Weird how?” He raised an eyebrow at Peter as he dropped the kid’s duffel at the foot of the stairs.

“Sort of…distracted? Agitated?” Peter said, placing his backpack down next to the duffel and following Tony into the living room. “Kind of how you get whenever I do something you’re trying to figure out how to yell at me for.”

Tony scoffed. “I don’t yell.”

Peter gave him a look of utter disbelief. “Yes you do.”

“Name one time.” Tony held a finger up.

“Uh the time I screwed up and got that ferry torn in half—”

“Ok I’ll give you that one but that was a long time ago and I’ve gotten better since then. You’re going to have to give me something more recent than that.”

“On the way to Titan when you found out I stowed away.”

That wasn’t so recent for Tony, but it was for Peter. “I didn’t yell. I talked sternly with a slightly raised voice.”

“That’s like the very definition of yelling.”

“Agree to disagree.” Tony said as he sat on the couch, but then added quickly, “But I didn’t yell at you.”

Peter rolled his eyes but let him have the last word.

“Ok, so serious talk now. You’re not exactly wrong. You did do something. Not something I’m going to yell at you for, but it’s something we need to talk about.” Tony patted the cushion next to him.

“Is this something the reason you picked me up early?” Peter asked as he sat down.

“Yes.”

“I don’t…” He could see Peter wracking his brain. “I don’t have any idea what I did.”

“That’s ok.” Tony shifted so he was facing Peter more directly on the couch. “We’ll get to it. First, I want you to answer a question for me honestly.”

“Ok…”

“How have you been doing?” He kept the question light.

“Um I’ve been fine.” Peter shrugged but his eyes flicked down to the ground, one of his tells.

“I said I wanted you to answer honestlyPete.” Tony grabbed his chin and forced him to make eye contact. He leaned in and asked again, slowly, “How have you been doing?”

“I…” Peter paused to lick his lips.

“It’s not a trick question kid. There’s no right or wrong answer. Just tell me.” Tony said, trying to be reassuring.

“I don’t know.” Peter mumbled and Tony could tell he wanted to break the eye contact but Tony didn’t let him. “Not…great…I guess?”

Peter shrugged again and Tony dropped his chin.

“Ok.” Tony nodded and continued lightly, using a technique his therapist had used on him in the past. “Tell me more about that. What do you mean when you say not great?”

“I just…” Peter fidgeted and turned to look out the window instead of at Tony before he admitted. “I’ve been sort of down. And obviously it made sense before because you were gone, and I was sad like all the time, but now you’re back, but I still…”

Peter’s brow furrowed and Tony waited as his kid tried to figure out how to put his feelings into words.

“But I’m still not back to normal.” Peter admitted and looked down at his hands as he mumbled so Tony barely heard him, “And I don’t know why.”

Tony hummed and reached out to squeeze Peter’s shoulder in reassurance. “I might know why.”

Peter looked up at him, surprised. “Really?”

“You’re tired during the day, but you can’t sleep at night. You have no appetite. Things you used to love don’t seem to interest you anymore. You have a hard time concentrating at school. Am I right?”

Peter’s eyes widened and he said uncertainly, “Y-yeah. How-how’d you know?”

“Because I’ve been there kid.” Tony squeezed his shoulder again and kept his voice carefully neutral when he added, “It’s called depression.”

Peter’s face twisted in disbelief and he shook his head. “I’m not-I’m not depressed. I’m not sad all the time. I mean I was before when you-when you were gone, but I’m not now. I’m just…not happy?”

“Sometimes that’s how it works kid.” Tony said. “You don’t have to be sad all the time to be depressed.”

Peter chewed his lip uncertainly, but at least he was listening and not arguing.

“I think you might be depressed Pete.” Tony said softly.

Peter frowned, but he seemed to be considering it.

“Maybe…” He finally admitted.

“There’s no shame in it.” Tony said and leaned in closer. “Like I said. I’ve been there. Sometimes even superheroes need a little extra help.”

Peter looked at him hesitantly. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Tony nodded.

“What…what kind of help?” The kid asked, brow still furrowed.

“I’m going find someone you can talk to. That’s the first step.”

“I’m talking to you.” Peter pointed out and it gave Tony a small measure of relief because he could tell the kid was trying to be funny.

“Someone else besides me. But you know you can always talk to me too kid.” Tony said, looking seriously into his eyes.

“I know.” Peter smiled.

Tony returned it.

Peter’s brow furrowed slightly again. “So…when you say you want me to talk to someone, you mean like a therapist, right?”

Tony nodded. “I think that’d be a good start. Maybe a psychiatrist too.”

Definitely a psychiatrist too. He had a feeling Peter was going to need some pharmacological help at first, which might be a problem Tony would need a little help of his own to solve given the kid’s enhanced metabolism.

Peter sighed. “That seems excessive.”

“It’s really not. Trust me.” Tony said, cushioning the words with another smile. “You trust me, right?”

“Of course.”

“Ok.” Tony nodded and then took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair, one of his own nervous tells. “I have one more question. And it’s a really important one.”

Peter blinked in confusion.

Tony leaned in even closer and cupped his kid’s face between his hands, keeping his expression serious. “And I want you to promiseme you’ll tell me the truth.”

“Ok.” Peter whispered.

“Promise?”

Peter nodded.

“I want to hear you say it.”

“I-I promise.”

He searched Peter’s eyes as he asked, “Have you had any thoughts about hurting yourself?”

“No.” Peter answered quickly.

“Never?” Tony prodded.

The kid blinked, frowned. Tony could see his thoughts whirling. The hesitation was answer enough. Not that Tony really needed it answered. He’d seen the evidence himself.

“Peter.” He prompted sternly when the kid didn’t respond.

“Not-not really.”

“Not really isn’t no.” Tony said, rubbing his thumbs over Peter’s cheeks. “Talk to me kiddo. Please. You’re not in trouble. I just want to help you.”

“I-I haven’t.” Peter denied but it sounded weak.

Tony kept staring at him, waiting.

“Not…” Peter swallowed hard finally admitted, “Not recently.”

“So you have? Before?”

Peter’s foot on the ground bounced with nerves.

“When…when you were gone.” Peter admitted. “It was hard.”

“I know.” Tony whispered, still holding Peter’s face in his hands as he waited patiently, not relenting.

“It wasn’t all the time. Or really that much at all. Maybe just like a couple times? And I…I never would’ve done anything…acted on it.” Peter looked down and to the side. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey.” Tony said, getting Peter to make eye contact with him again. “It’s ok. Thank you for telling me.”

Peter’s eyes welled with tears.

“Does May know about this?” Tony asked, keeping his voice low even though no one else was around to overhear their conversation.

Peter shook his head slightly in his grasp. “N-no. No one knows.”

“Ok.” Tony pulled Peter’s head forward to kiss his forehead. “It’s going to be ok.”

A tear broke free and Tony brushed it aside with his thumb.

“How—” Peter sniffled, “How’d you know?”

Tony knew he could make a funny quip about knowing everything and lighten the mood, but he didn’t want to do that, so he answered truthfully.

“When I went down to the workshop today FRIDAY told me there was an event tagged on your suit footage, so I reviewed it.” Tony said and released Peter’s face.

Tony saw the second Peter realized what he was talking about. The kid’s eyes went wide in surprise before turning chagrined.

“You saw that?” The kid practically squeaked out the question. “Me falling?”

Tony nodded.

“That-that was just a mistake.” Peter said. “I didn’t…I didn’t plan that. I wasn’t trying to…”

“Kill yourself?” Tony finished bluntly, not mincing the words.

“I wasn’t.” Peter repeated, but it came out soft and uncertain, like he still wasn’t sure. “I-I wouldn’t do that.”

“Ok.” Tony didn’t argue. “But if you ever have any thoughts like that, I want to tell me. You call me or come find me. Ok?”

“Ok.” Peter whispered in agreement.

Tony sighed. “That video really scared me kid.”

“I know.”

“I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t.” Peter said and Tony wished more than anything that Peter could actually promise that. The truth was he’d already survived the loss of Peter Parker once, but he didn’t think he could again.

“You know I love you.” Tony said. He’d never outright said it before, and it was one of his biggest regrets.

“I know.” Peter said and Tony could tell he was trying to imitate the scene in Star Wars where Han Solo used that line on Leia.

“Smart ass.” Tony ruffled hair.

Peter smiled. “I love you too Tony.”

Tony smiled back.

“I love you 3000.” Peter added and Tony’s eyes started to sting.

“Come here kid.” Tony tugged his kid into his arms. Peter went easily.

Tony took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of Peter’s hair as they hugged.

“You know you’re my kid right? Biology be damned.” Tony mumbled, wanting to get it all out there. He usually wasn’t so honest, but with Peter he didn’t want to screw anything up. Not now that he had his second chance. Not when he knew his kid was really hurting and needed all the love and reassurance he could get.

“Yeah.” Peter gripped him tighter.

“Ok good. So you know I’m here for you.” Tony said.

Peter nodded in his hold.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here before, but I am now. So we’re going to get through this together, all right?”

Peter nodded again.

Tony knew there was more to discuss, more to do, but there’d be time for all of that later.

For now, he just let himself enjoy holding his kid.

After the talk with Peter, Tony had felt reassured. At least enough so that he didn’t think he needed to put Peter under constant surveillance. But that night, once both of his kids had gone to bed, and he’d had more time down in his workshop to review more suit footage and all the other footage Tony could find of Peter, including the footage of Peter figuring out how to get him back, Tony had to work hard not to second guess himself.

When Tony watched as Peter tested the time travel nano housing and it malfunctioned, sending him flying backward to slam so hard against the wall that it left a dent, and he needed ten minutes before he could even get up, Tony had to run through his breathing exercises. Also, Karen’s concern over Peter’s increased recklessness made a lot more sense when it played out in full color in front of him.

Maybe Peter hadn’t been actively suicidal, but he sure as hell hadn’t been trying very hard to prevent his death.

“FRIDAY stop video playback.” Tony ordered and the projection in front of him disappeared. He threw his glasses down onto his desk and rubbed his eyes. He couldn’t watch anymore tonight.

He stood and made his way back upstairs, smiling when he saw Pepper sitting on the couch, wearing yoga pants and one of his Stark Industries hoodies with her computer on her lap and a glass of red wine in her hand. It was a good sight. He had his wife and both his kids under one roof.

“Hi honey.” He said and sat down next to her so they were hip to hip.

“Hey.” She leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. “Early night?”

“Yeah.”

She turned to her laptop and went back to typing. Tony peered over her shoulder. She was working on some kind of expense report for the SI board. Stuff he hated and had zero interest in but Pepper excelled at.

He rested his head on her shoulder and stared blankly at the screen as she worked. It was almost soothing. She paused intermittently to take sips from her wine glass but otherwise she went right on completing her work and allowing Tony to rest against her. God he loved her. He couldn’t believe he’d almost missed out on spending the rest of his life with her. Couldn’t believe he’d almost missed out on watching Morgan and Peter grow up.

“Hey.” Pepper said softly and he noticed she was looking at him with a frown. “Are you ok?”

He didn’t answer, not wanting to worry her, but not wanting to lie either.

He didn’t even realize silent tears were running down his face until Pepper set her hand against his cheek and he felt the wetness it displaced. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch.

She set her computer down on the coffee table and turned to gather him fully into her arms, caressing his face and hair comfortingly.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

“I love you. And…I almost missed this.” He murmured into her neck.

“But you didn’t.” She countered.

“I’m sorry I broke my promise.” He whispered. After the snap, he’d hung up the Ironman mantel. He’d retired. He’d promised Pepper he was done. That there would be no more risk, just family life from then on out. And then Steve, Nat, and Scott had showed up at his house and that promise had gone right out the window. And then he’d died.

“It’s ok.” Pepper brushed her fingers through his hair and kissed the top of his head. “You had to. You had to get Peter back. And you did. You did it.”

Neither of them said anything more. They held each other for a long time until Tony eventually sighed and pulled away.

He gave Pepper a chaste kiss and admitted, “I don’t think the kid’s doing so great.”

“What do you mean?” Pepper frowned.

“I think he’s depressed.”

Worry clouded Pepper’s eyes.

“May called me. Said he isn’t sleeping. And then I saw some footage from his suit from when I was gone and it really worried me. It-it looked bad.”

“Bad how?”

“Like he was trying kill himself.”

Pepper sucked in a breath of air.

“He said he wasn’t.” Tony tried to reassure her. He knew she’d gotten close to him while he’d been gone.

“And you believe him?”

“I don’t know. I think so. I want to.” Tony sighed. He was pretty sure he believed the kid, but a part of him worried. Doubted.

“What are you going to do?”

“I talked to him about it. I’m going to have him see someone. He agreed to it.” Tony shrugged. “And I guess we’ll go from there.”

Pepper hummed in agreement.

“There’s something else I want to do.” The words escaped him in a rush.

Pepper narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “What?”

He took a deep breath and continued, “I want us to move back to the city. I need to be closer to Peter. And I know I promised we’d live here but I think—”

“Ok.” Pepper interrupted.

“Ok?” He frowned, confused.

“Ok we’ll move back to the city.” She clarified.

“Just like that?” He couldn’t believe she was agreeing so easily.

“Just like that.” She nodded with a smile.

“But what about Morgan?”

“She’ll come with us too.” Pepper joked.

Tony rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know. And growing up out here has been great for her, but she’s getting older. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad for her to spend some time in the city. To be exposed to more things. More culture. Especially if being in the city is what you think is best for Peter.” Pepper reasoned.

“I think it is.” Tony said. “I-I need to be closer to him. Today I saw that video and it took me almost two hours to get to him. I can’t be that far away from him. Especially if he’s struggling.”

“Then it’s settled.” Pepper nodded. “I’ll call our realtor in the morning.”

Tony smiled. “I thought you’d be a hard sell.”

Pepper shook her head. “No. Not if it’s what Peter needs. He’s your kid too. Moving to New York won’t hurt Morgan but staying here might hurt Peter, so we’re moving to New York. It’s not a hard decision.”

“I love you.” He kissed her. “And you know, we wouldn’t have to sell this place. We could still come out here on weekends or whenever we want to get away.”

“Of course.” Pepper’s eyes sparkled as she leaned in and kissed him, lingering over his lips.

He hummed in appreciation and closed his eyes.

“Bed time?” He suggested.

“Bed time.” She agreed and stood, taking his hand and tugging him to his feet.

They kissed the rest of the way to the bedroom.

#my fic

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bnhavillaintriozine · 6 years

Text

How to Submit a Good Portfolio

Since public applications will be opening soon, I thought I would make a simple guide on how to send a good portfolio when you apply to zines.

I’ll mostly be referring to art, since that’s what I’m most familiar with, but I’m sure a lot of these points can apply to writing as well.

A lot of my drawn commentary is meant to be lighthearted (and oh so messy), so please don’t take anything too seriously.

What is a portfolio? Anywhere you post your art is technically a portfolio, since you’re showcasing your work to a potential audience. If you showcase your artwork via Tumblr, Instagram, or any other site, you’re free to submit it for review. You don’t need to have a fancy, paid website to showcase your work. Let your art speak for itself.

What makes a portfolio bad? Like I mentioned before, anywhere you post your art is technically a portfolio. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a good one. In a portfolio, you want to show us your best work. While instagram may be a good place to show us your artwork, if there are some food pictures, con pictures, memes, or any random posts, it’s a bad portfolio. We don't want to sound harsh, but we would appreciate only seeing your work and not your outside life. That way, we can solely focus on your portfolio.

What makes a portfolio good? Good portfolios showcase completed pieces that demonstrate your best skills and capabilities. If you post your artwork on tumblr, you may have some random content in your blog, but if you have a tag specifically for your finished pieces and best work, please send us the link with that certain tag. It will save us the hassle of scrolling down multiple pages and it tells us you’re serious about the project by showing us your true potential.

What to submit:

1) Submit complete URLs. We want to easily copy and paste your portfolio onto our browser. We don’t want to type out the whole website. We have hundreds of applications to go through, so typing up the website can eat up a lot of our time. I’ll admit that I’m guilty of doing this, but I’m also learning from my mistakes. Typing up the URL (even if it’s as simple as mywebsite.com OR myartblog.tumblr.com/tagged/best-work) only takes a few seconds to do, and we’ll definitely be grateful to you for doing this.

2) Show us how versatile you can be! While we can appreciate the beautiful technical skills from various artists, if you submit a portfolio that only includes headshots and not much else, you run the risk of being declined. We want to see different compositions, interesting uses of color, or cool angles! You don’t need to show us that you can work with 10 different types of media, or hundreds of different angles, but give us something more than just the same pose.

3) Send us completed work. While sketches DO look nice, a majority of zines want to see your completed artworks. In most cases, they are going to be releasing a finished, printed project, so it’s reasonable that we would want samples of what your completed art looks like. By looking at your finished pieces, we can gain a better insight of what to expect from you.

What to avoid:

1) Don’t send us a portfolio full of sketches, as mentioned above. If you have a sketchier / messy style, that’s fine. What you consider as finished is what you should be trying to send to us.

2) Don’t make us scroll through tons of pages. This one applies similarly to the previous point. If your blog only includes doodles and a few finished artworks, don’t make us scroll for so long just to get to the completed stuff. Please save a life and tag your finished works. We will thank you for it.

3) Don’t send us multiple links. Some zines may ask you to link them to 3 of your best works, but instead of sending us 3 different links, create a tag or Google Drive folder with those 3 pieces included. This saves us the time of copy/pasting every single link into our browser, plus it allows us to better compare your work side-by-side. You also get the added benefit of not needing to copy/paste multiple links for your next zine application.

4) Don’t send us a portfolio that doesn’t include humans. This one is kind of weird, but I have received some applications that only feature animals or backgrounds in their portfolios. If you’re applying to a zine that needs certain people or characters drawn, we can’t properly judge your portfolio if you don’t show us that you can draw the subject matter. The same can be applied vice versa. If I made a corgi zine and you send me a portfolio full of humans, how am I supposed to know if you can draw a dog or not? When applying to zines, take note on what they’re looking for, so you can submit accordingly.

5) Don’t submit work that’s older than 2+ years. As an artist, you’re always growing and learning. A lot can change in a year or two. We want to see your recent stuff, since that’s the most accurate representation of your current skills and knowledge.

A Simple Suggestion

1) If you don’t want to tag your work or delete some things from your social media just to show us your best & completed work, make a Google Drive folder that shows us your best pieces. Keep it short and simple by including a minimum of 3 pieces and a maximum of 8 pieces. Make sure the Google Drive folder permissions are changed to shared! (This is very important).

Advice & Final Thoughts

Don’t be afraid of rejection. Spots are usually VERY limited in zines. There’s no way we could fit everyone into one zine (that would be a heavy and thick book, not to mention SUPER expensive). I’ve been rejected multiple times, but you can’t let that discourage you! Just keep applying and continue to improve your artwork. And even if you’re accepted, still continue to improve your artwork! Practice, practice, practice a whole damn lot!

If you know you won’t have enough time to dedicate to the zine, please don’t apply. If you apply and get the slot, only for you to drop out last minute, you just took the spot of a potential artist that actually wanted to be a part of the project and it’s unfair to them.

If you get accepted and life gets too hectic for you to continue with the project, PLEASE don’t vanish and make the zine organizers hunt you down. It will not make us want to work with you again. We want things to be pleasant between the both of us. Life happens, but communication is ESSENTIAL in every situation.

I’m not against having sketches in a portfolio (I have a few on my own website as well), but a majority of applicants can’t afford their own website, so they use free sites like Tumblr or Instagram. These websites don’t really allow you to properly separate your doodles / finished work, so this is why I keep reiterating this point.

Zines are meant to be fun and something to bring the artist community together! Interact with your fellow artists and let’s all have a good ol’ time.

#zine #anime zine #fandom zines #zines #anime zines #update

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rom-e-o · 6 years

Note

“Be more careful next time. I don’t want to bandage you up again.”

((Aaaand finished! Thanks to the lovely @treya-barton for the fantastic suggestion! I love doting, sweet prompts like this, so I had a lot of fun writing the dialogue for this one. I hope you enjoy! You can also read the fic on AO3.))

“Ouch!”

The sound of pain erupted from Yosuke’s mouth as Yu placed a cotton pad soaked in disinfectant on his swollen cheek. Just the brief contact alone was enough to make the orange-haired boy yelp in distress.

The sound was severe enough to concern Yu, who retracted his hand immediately and reexamined his partner’s face for any obvious injuries.

“Sorry, was that too much?” he asked.

“Hell yeah, it was!” Yosuke replied. “Can’t you just use regular soap? Whatever fancy first-aid stuff you’re using hurts like hell.”

“It’s just rubbing alcohol,” Yu offered simply.

“Well, that rubbing alcohol hurts like hell,” Yosuke reiterated.

The sassiness of his statement didn’t evade Yu’s attention. Instead of offering another sympathetic reply, Yu offered him a half-lidded stare. His expression was not one of amusement.

“I’m sorry it hurts Yosuke, but I have to clean your injuries,” he said with his usual, deadpan logic.

Carefully, Yu reached back out and caressed his partner’s lightly freckled cheek with the wetted cotton. Adding pressure back onto the sore area elicited a hiss from Yosuke the second time around.

The odor coming off the sterile liquid was nauseatingly string. If given enough time, Yosuke thought it could probably peel the paint off the ceiling. He didn’t even want to think of what the concoction would do to his skin.

“It’s just killing the germs,” Yu replied, answering Yosuke’s silent inquiry as if he could read his friend’s mind. “Just a little more. Then I’ll patch you up.”

Yosuke heaved a sigh of relief. The injury to his face hadn’t been the only injury Yu had dressed for him. In the past half hour.

His swollen cheek was merely the last and most painful destination on Yu’s list.

“Hey, I have to ask you a question,” Yu said as he reached back into the nearby kit to open a box of bandages.

Yosuke groaned loudly.

“I think I know what you’re going to ask,” he confessed with a moan. “But go ahead. Shoot.”

Yu paused for a moment to peel open a large, flesh-colored bandage. He held up the patch to see if it would be adequate for the cut on his friend’s face.

He continued slowly, “I have to know. It’s weird enough that the first time we met, that you were rolling around in a trash can. I kind of just accepted it as a freak accident, you know? Sometimes weird things just happen.”

“We have seen worse,” Yosuke said with a laugh.

The humor wasn’t reciprocated.

“I can understand it happening once, Yosuke,” Yu said as he placed the patch over his friend’s cheek and pressed. He tried to ignore how his fingertips were just gentle brushing the velvety skin near Yosuke’s jaw. “But, twice?”

Earlier that day, Yu had left school after opting to take a few minutes after class to ask the teachers some questions about upcoming midterms. The entire affair had probably taken less than ten minutes. When Yu had emerged from the school gate and started home, he’d spied a very familiar bicycle discarded on the sidewalk and had heard an even more familiar voice, albeit muffled, yelling for help.

Upon rounding the corner, an even more familiar pair of skinny legs was writhing from atop a trash can on the street corner.

“It could have happened to anyone!” Yosuke cried in his meager defense. “I’m serious, partner. Something must be up with my spokes or tires or…something! I was just riding along and, before I knew it, ‘wham!’”

After retrieving his friend from the toppled trash can and discovering that he had multiple cuts all over his body, including his face, Yu hadn’t hesitated to pull him back to his house and patch him up in his room.

Even in the background while they spoke, they could hear the faint hum of the house’s television and the familiar bumps and clangs of Nanako helping with the household chores outside his bedroom door.

“You are the only human being I know who has ever gotten stuck in a trash can,” Yu said. “Again, twice.”

“So, you…do know someone else who’s only gotten stuck in a trash can only once?” Yosuke asked with a hesitant but hopeful smile. The expression was completely dashed when Yu shook his head in denial.

“No, I was just trying to make you feel better,” Yu admitted. “Did it work?”

“Not after you just admitted it like that!” Yosuke cried. His hand flew up to cover his eyes as he sank against the wall into a defeated heap. “Ugh. Man, I’m such a freakin’ failure, aren’t I?”

“I’d hardly say that,” Yu replied with a tilt of the head. “You’re not great at writing a bike, but hey, that hardly makes you a failure.”

The puff of air Yosuke exhaled between his fingertips let Yu know his friend wasn’t convinced.

“You’re not a failure,” Yu said, his sympathetic tone returning at the sight of his friend’s obvious low esteem. “Don’t forget that the Investigation Team wouldn’t even exist if it hadn’t been for your suggestion.”

A slightly more interesting sound came from Yosuke’s still-burrowed face. It was something between a ‘hm’ and an ‘eh.’ Yu knew his best friend, his partner, well enough to know that he was getting somewhere.

Rather than trying to convince Yosuke from his cross-legged position on the floor, he decided to stand up and take the open seat next to Yosuke on his bed.

He sat down beside his friend, who was still pressed his face into his hands and wrapped an arm on his shoulder. With a light tug, he pulled their bodies close together until their shoulders bumped. The act elicited another sound for Yosuke, but this time, Yu couldn’t immediately discern the meaning.

“Also, if I remember correctly, you were one of the first people to connect the murders in Inaba to people’s appearances on the Midnight Channel,” Yu said, offering his friend another playful nudge. “Am I wrong?”

Yosuke hesitated for only a moment before shaking his head. He spoke in a lethargic drone, “Yeah, but that was nothing special. Anyone could have figured that out. It was just a lucky guess.”

Yu’s silver brow lofted in doubt.

“You mean to tell me that you made an entire series of lucky guesses, all of which just happened to be the exact answers that we had been searching before?” Yu asked, his tone one of mock confusion as he pretended to muse aloud. “That doesn’t seem to add up, Yosuke. It sounds to me like you actually figured a big part of all the murder cases out before anyone else did. Including me.”

Yosuke lifted his head a little bit but remained silent.

“You’re smart, Yosuke,” Yu told him seriously. He tightened his hold on his friend just a little bit, bringing him a little closer for a slightly tighter embrace. “You’re also courageous and so fiercely loyal that it boggles my mind. You’re an incredible person. My only complaint is that I hate seeing you get hurt. It doesn’t matter if it’s from a trash can or a Shadow.”

Following Yu’s admission, Yosuke let out a light laugh. It was a sound of exasperation, but Yu also noticed the very evident smile on Yosuke’s face. The coral-colored blush on his uncovered cheek and the bridge of his nose didn’t go unnoticed either.

“You’re, like, the only guy who can tease me one second and them make me feel better the next,” he said. “I don’t know how you do it, but I feel better.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Yu reminded up, reaching up to playfully pinch his friend’s uninjured cheek. “I just reminded you of all the great things you’re already done.”

The little tweak caused Yosuke to purse his lips. He did end up shaking his face free from Yu’s touch, but not as quickly as Yu had anticipated. With a laugh, Yu released his friend and dropped his hand back down onto the mattress, right next to Yosuke’s.

“Just please be more careful next time,” Yu said, taking Yosuke’s hand into his. “I don’t want to bandage you up again.”

“I will,” Yosuke promised with a sigh. “I’ll try to be more careful.”

Yu gave him a stern look.

“Okay, I will be more careful,” Yosuke back-tracked with a laugh. “Thanks again, partner. For what it’s worth, it’s nice to know that you’re handy with a first-aid kit. Good to know.”

The comment got a rise out of Yu. In a second, his expression changed from serious to mischievous.

“I’m glad to know you enjoy my nursing skills,” Yu remarked. “I’m honored to hear that from someone as knowledgeable as you. You flatter me.”

The comment, as expected, only enhanced the redness on his friend’s visage.

“Bro, you know that’s not what I meant!” Yosuke said with furious embarrassment. Unfortunately, fuel had already been added to the teasing fire that always burned in Yu’s chest for his most treasured companion.

“Maybe if you’re good, I’ll dress up as a nurse next time,” Yu replied with a devilish smirk.

“Stop!” Yosuke said, burying his face back into the sleeve of his blazer.

The act only had Yu laughing even harder than before, much to Yosuke’s chagrin.

“I didn’t even say anything about nurses!” Yosuke whined against his sleeve. “Ugh, Teddie is rubbing off n you too much. C’mon, partner! If you don’t stop laughing, I’m going to march right out of here! Hell, I’d rather roll out of here in another trash can!”

“Not yet,” Yu said. “I haven’t bought the costume yet. I’d be unprepared to treat you.”

“You are such an ass!”

Perhaps Yosuke’s embarrassed cried would have been more convincing he’d actually tried to let go of Yu’s hand.

#Persona 4 #Souyo #Ask Meme #Long Post #treya-barton

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