#I had to redo this because I kept reading

[gffa]

Guess who fell right smack back into BATFAMILY feelings hell?  Who has two thumbs and really thought they were truly out of the DC game, that it had been like ten years since they’d read a single comic, that they were finally safe from crying about stupid bats and birds?  Yeah, that’s right, this nerd.  And now I’m waking up and choosing violence on the rest of you by throwing every I’m Having Dick Grayson Feelings Fic at you that I can find, because this fandom is fantastic for it.   This list will skew towards my fave, but I hope there will be some good Jason, Tim, Damian, Cass, and Steph fic for anyone who wanders by for them!  You just have to scroll for a second first. I probably tend towards a slighty softer view than canon always provides (I will grab hold of Nightwing #100 with both hands and a death grip, though, and you can’t take Dick & Bruce hugs away from me now) but that’s what fic is for!  All the emotional resolution the source material cannot give us itself and I am GOING to inhale all of it like it’s oxygen and I’m on a run.  And then shove it at everyone I can while crying on them, too. BATFAM FIC RECS - BABY DICK IS THE CUTEST FERAL ROBIN I’M NOT HEARING ANY ARGUMENTS: ✦ Stay a Child by ijustwanttodestroy, dick & bruce & alfred, 2.2k      “Redo it,” Bruce orders. “Aw, come on!” Dick dares to pout — a thing that he uses often, and would work on anyone but Bruce and Alfred. Sometimes. Bruce gives him a look. “I’m not going to do it for you.” “I’m going to misdo it until you do,” Dick threatens. ✦ Sweater Weather by MashpotatoeQueen, dick & bruce, 2.2k      Dick Grayson is eight, Bruce Wayne is trying, and there’s a walk home in the rain. ✦ Hay Is for Horses by lurkinglurkerwholurks, dick & clark & cast, 2.7k      The sleepover had been Dick’s idea. In which Clark is a good but very overwhelmed uncle who is Trying His Best. ✦ Eye of the Storm by Janie__loops, dick & bruce & cast, de-aged!dick, 2.5k      Dick Grayson becomes once again a traumatized volatile murderous eight year old, and the only thing more surprising is how adept Bruce is at handling him. ✦ A Blur of Spinning Wheels by chinuplilpup, dick & bruce & alfred, 10.1k      Dick is on the chandelier. An eight year old. A genius gymnast, to be sure, but a child, small for his age and under Bruce’s legal care. On the chandelier. Twenty five feet above the ground, surrounded by glass and kept up by a single fifty-year-old chain bolted to the ceiling. Bruce is going to have to check his blood pressure after Dick is safe on the ground. ✦ The Flame and the Night: A Bedtime Story by WingFeathers, dick & clark, 1.8k      Dick’s thrilled to stay with the Kents, but they go to bed far too early for him to sleep. It turns out to be a job for Superman, who shows Dick the Kansas night sky and tells him a story from Krypton––a story about two gods, called Nightwing and Flamebird. ✦ (T)his Child by shanahane, dick & bruce & alfred, 2.1k      ”I’m here for the elephant,” Bruce says bluntly. ”Elephant?” Haly says. ”We haven’t had elephants in over two decades, what…?” ”The toy. That Dick left on his bed.” OR What wouldn’t Bruce do for… this child? ✦ 5 Times Dick Grayson was in the Newspaper Because of Bruce Wayne by Engineerd, dick & bruce & alfred & clark & cast, 4.7k      Batman and Robin are Gotham’s urban legends, and Bruce wants to keep it that way. “I know that,” Clark said. “But when Robin eventually goes officially public, I want to be the one that does the interview.” ✦ we don’t allow monsters in these walls. by thychesters, dick & bruce, 1.8k     New dad Bruce is still trying to figure things out with Dick. He’s not his dad, not his brother, he’s just … he’s B, the guy Dick runs around with at night fighting crime. He’s worried, and he’s scared, and he’s too protective. Tonight the protective side just won out. ✦ shades of monochrome by renecdote, dick & bruce & clark, 6.1k      He can’t even think, let alone think how to act. His brain is like a broken record, stuck on a loop of blood and ringing gunshots and Bruce is going to die. “It’s going to be okay,“ Alfred says. But it isn’t. How can it be? Dick takes a deep breath and screams for Clark as loud as he can. (The one where Bruce gets shot and Dick cries a lot.) BATFAM FIC RECS - ADULT BATSON AND BATDAD ARE MY KRYPTONITE, I FOLD LIKE WET CARDBOARD FOR THEM: ✦ Ghosts by fanfictiongreenirises, dick & bruce & batfam, 2.5k      “Nights like this, when everything was balanced on the edge of a knife, when Bruce could feel Gotham clawing at them with her claws, he could feel their gazes scraping his back.” Bruce waits for backup with an unconscious Nightwing tucked in his cape. ✦ When I Touch the Water by audreycritter, dick & bruce, 2.7k      Bruce is trying to deal with an old injury alone, and alone is exactly the opposite of how Dick Grayson is willing to let him handle it. But Bruce can’t really complain because it’s nice to see his son again and not fight for once. ✦ Making Time by CaptainOzone, dick & bruce & cast, 6.5k      Bruce does not remember anything leading up to this moment. He does not remember teaming up with Superman recently, nor does he remember being anywhere but Gotham proper. He does remember having Robin at his side. Robin, it turns out, is not there any longer. God does he hate magic. ✦ to love is not to leave by daringyounggrayson, dick & bruce, 1k      Dick called Alfred for a medical consult last night, so when he hears someone at his door, he’s not exactly surprised. What does surprise him is that the man who came to check in on him isn’t Alfred: it’s Bruce. ✦ Olive by Ptelea, dick & bruce, 1.5k      In which Dick and Bruce catch up in the kitchen sometime after episode 11, “Not It,” Dick peppers his speech with condiment-related puns, and Bruce is sort of amazed by his life sometimes. ✦ too lost and hurting to carry my load by daringyounggrayson, dick & bruce, 1.8k      Dick is sick and feverish, and those two things are forcing him to face some previously-stifled fears and insecurities. He really just needs someone to take care of him. ✦ No Other Songbird Like You by SilverSkiesAtMidnight, dick & bruce & damian, 8.5k      The difference between grappling off a building and free-falling off a building is actually a very small difference. Really, it’s just the difference between firing your gun before you jump, like Bruce always insisted on according to safety protocols, and firing after you jump, when it’s more fun. The fun way, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, is totally fine and has absolutely no consequences. ✦ mid-May’s eldest child by one_step_closer_to_death, dick & bruce, 1.2k      Dick’s sick and Bruce takes care of him. BATFAM FIC RECS - EVERYBODY LOVES DICK: ✦ Handle with Care by takadainmate, dick & bruce & damian, 3.4k      Dick is sick. Alfred isn’t around. Bruce and Damian do their best. Damian had known something was wrong. ✦ Off The Record by amathela, dick/donna, NSFW, 1.2k      Dick and Donna work off the aftereffects of a mission. ✦ Rejoice in Youth by FlashThroughLight, dick & bruce & tim & damian & jason & alfred, 6.1k      Dick has been regressed to the age of four, now Bruce and the rest of the family has to look after him until he returns to his rightful age. If Bruce thought teenage Dick Grayson was unruly, nothing could prepare for the storm that is Dickie Grayson. AKA Dick cons his family into giving him hugs. ✦ The Real in Funereal by lowflyingfruit, dick & damian & alfred & tim & jason & barbara & selina & cass & cast, 9.3k wip      Batman is dead. So is Bruce Wayne. And the Bat-family is struggling to cope, both publicly and privately. But crime in Gotham waits for no Bat, and like it or not, new grievances and old, the family must pick themselves up. Gotham needs its defenders, before their grief tears them apart. (Battle for the Cowl AU) ✦ Visions of Sugarplums by CamsthiSky, dick & bruce & damian, 3.7k      See, it happens like this. Everything’s normal for them all—or, well. As normal as a family full of vigilantes can get. But things are running smoothly. He keeps his head up and his ears open, though, because he may be able to move forward, but he isn’t stupid enough to think that he’s not going to hit a bump in the road. He always hits a bump in the road. He just hadn’t expected this. ✦ Safety First by SuperWhoLockianFangirl, bruce & dick/babs & dick/roy & dick/wally, 2.6k      Bruce Wayne can handle lunatics like the Joker without even flinching, but the hurtles of raising a teenage boy prove more daunting. When it comes time to give Dick the “Talk”, he has absolutely no idea what he’s doing. And unfortunately for him, he finds himself repeating the experience multiple times over the years. BATFAM FIC RECS - BATKIDS ALL HAVE MANY SIBLINGS AND THEY’RE ALL PETTY ASSHOLES AND/OR WONDERFUL BABIES AND I LOVE THEM WITH MY WHOLE BEING: ✦ Catch by Ptelea, dick & jason & tim & damian & bruce & cass & steph, 13.7k     Five times Dick caught one of the younger Bats, and one time he wasn’t the one to do so ✦ Stubborn by audreycritter, dick & jason & tim & damian & cast, 20.3k     Dick is usually the one taking care of everyone else and he’s bad at asking for help. So bad, in fact, that he never even actually asks– but Jason shows up anyway. And then Dick returns the favor. And then they both do for Tim. And it’s just going to keep going from there. It’s probably Alfred’s fault. When your butler mom calls and says, "Go check on your brother,” you don’t argue. You just do it. ✦ Without Question by lowflyingfruit, dick & jason & tim & damian & bruce, 6.2k     There is something very wrong with Dick at the moment. He’s doing everything Bruce says without a hint of protest. Tim’s going to get to the bottom of this. ✦ Ranking Robins by Beauty_In_Her_Darkness, dick & jason & tim & damian & bruce, 5k     Buzzfeed has been cranking out quiz after quiz about Gotham’s Bat-themed superheroes. When Jason shows them to his family, him and his brothers decide that not only should their adoring fans get to rank the Robins: Bruce should too. ✦ Carry by Ptelea, dick & jason, 4.9k     Whoever said, “He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother,” didn’t have to haul you around. ✦ a pointless resistance by emavee, bruce & dick & jason & alfred, time loop, 26.7k     It starts with a news report running in the background of a greasy little diner, but it ends with Dick dead. Except, it doesn’t stop there. It keeps on ending, over and over. Bruce’s son keeps dying, and nothing he does seems to make any sort of difference. ✦ while you see it your way by irnan, bruce & dick/babs & tim & cass & damian & alfred, 4.5k     Wherein Damian acts his age for once, and - to the astonishment of absolutely no one - it’s all Bruce’s fault. ✦ Manor-Dad lets me drive the Batmobile by loosingletters, bruce & dick & jason & tim & cass & steph & damian & duke & cast, 21.2k wip     Bruce had two options when Dick found the Cave. 1) Tell him the truth. 2) Go along with Dick’s excited “You’re dating Batman!” until he figured out the truth. Several children later Bruce wished he’d gone with option 1) or he wouldn’t have to deal with all his kids believing he and Batman were separate people. ✦ Bomb Sing Se by Cephalogod, dick & jason & tim & cass & steph & damian, 2.2k     The thing was…it wasn’t actually the worst idea. (The bombs in the gauntlets part; Jason had vocally disapproved of every aesthetic decision Dick had ever made since they were teenagers, Dick wasn’t going to start listening to him about that now.) ✦ Above Any Price by centreoftheselights, dick & jason & tim & damian, 1.6k     Dick gets the news that Jason has been taken hostage. This time, he’s going to save his brother. ✦ Upside Down by withthekeyisking, dick & jason, de-aged!dick, 2.1k     Something that was not on Jason agenda for the night, but somehow now is: take care of the de-aged version of his big brother, who is—in his tiny mind—apparently running away from juvie. Because, sure. Why the fuck not. ✦ straight up, what did you hope to learn about here by irnan, bruce & dick & damian & barbara & jason (background dick/babs), 3.8k     (or: Three Conversations Dick Grayson Has About Jason Todd, That One Time A Couple Years Ago When Jay Was Dead, And How Talia Al Ghul Is Why Dick Can’t Have Nice Things.) ✦ Now Comes Good Sailing by geminus_17, dick & jason, 2.3k     Dick and Jason escape to Walden Pond and have a healing talk about the meaning of life and death, and insult Henry David Thoreau. ✦ on the other side by MermaidMarie, dick & jason & tim, 3.6k     In which Tim and Jason are staying up all night in the hallway, after Dick gets his memories back. ✦ Control Alt Delete by audreycritter, bruce & dick & jason & tim & damian & cass & stephanie & riddler, 1.9k     Sometimes the only way to solve an impossible riddle is to give up. ✦ Extension by smilebackwards, tim/kon & dick & jason & bruce, 5.9k     Tim’s going to need to learn to be less conspicuous about this hopeless crush he’s developed; he lives with an entire family of detectives. Or: Tim has a crush on Conner and everyone has something to say about it. BATFAM FIC RECS - JASON TODD IS AN ASSHOLE CAT, I’M GONNA THROW HIM AT DICK BECAUSE IT’S FUNNY (AND MAYBE SOME OF HIS OTHER SIBLINGS TOO): ✦ The 70 Days After Groundhog Day by Ptelea, dick & jason & batfam, time loop, 43.9k      There’s a time loop that only Jason remembers. It acts as a catalyst for changes within the family. Some arguments, some misunderstandings, some bonding, some healing, and quite a lot of conversations that mostly take place over food. Dick POV, focused on Dick and Jason but with the other Bats around and very present. ✦ Fair is Fowl by Lysical, dick & jason & batfam, 4.3k      Dick Grayson is visiting the Manor. Jason Todd has the chickenpox. They might not be brothers, but maybe they can get along for one evening. ✦ Ensemble Performance by lowflyingfruit, jason & damian & batfam, 4.8k      Damian has a deep, dark secret he needs kept from Grayson, his father, and most of all Drake, at all costs: he has, quite unwillingly, been volunteered for a part in his school’s annual musical. As a grouchy dinosaur. This is now Jason’s problem. Or his blackmail opportunity. Whichever. ✦ Home Intrusion by daedalusdavinci, dick & jason & cast, 7.2k      There are moments when the… everything of Dick’s life catches up with him, and exhaustion sinks deep into his skin. However, when he goes dark on everyone else, Jason doesn’t quite get the memo. Rules never seem to apply to little brothers. After two weeks of little more than clipped texts, Jason shoves his way into Dick’s life and gets him up and moving again. BATFAM FIC RECS - DICK AND DAMIAN WERE THE BEST BATMAN & ROBIN, I’M NOT HEARING ARGUMENTS ABOUT THAT EITHER: ✦ 3:16 by partingxshot, dick & damian & alfred & stephanie & cast, 70.7k      The knife pushes thin along Dick’s carotid artery, cupping the indent between neck and jawline—forcing him to angle his chin. The metal is warm, pulled with execution speed from under Damian’s pillow. “Okay,” Dick says quietly, tracking the intricacies of his own heartbeat—counting the space between breaths. “Guess I did need a shave.” (With faltering steps, Dick and Damian become Batman and Robin.) ✦ The R Stands for – by Cirth, dick & damian & bruce & talia, 5.8k      Damian pretends to focus on lacing up his boots as his father tugs Drake to his side, plants a gruff, casual kiss in his hair. Drake’s lips curl into a pleased smile, and Damian yanks the strings so hard his palms burn. ✦ The Rule Stands by Engineerd, dick & damian & bruce & tim & alfred, time travel, 11k      Damian meets a 10-year-old Dick Grayson, and they become best friends. ✦ this tiny little space by Alienu, dick & damian, 2.1k      The landing on his fire escape is nearly silent. Nearly. ✦ waiting for the tides to meet by partingxshot, dick & damian, 2k      Grayson behaves like this sometimes: like Damian needs to be protected. It twists his stomach in sharp and unfamiliar ways. “You leave, then!“ Damian spits. "I’ll—I’ll track Clayface on my own.” Another shudder takes him. The pain floods him all over again. It doesn’t matter: he won’t cry out. The rain pelts the dumpster behind him. It pools in cracks in the concrete. ✦ the city without stars in its skies by Alienu, dick & damian & batfam, 18.5k      (Or, in a world where he was never sent to live with his father, Damian al Ghul is contracted to assassinate one Dick Grayson.) ✦ Catch Me (All Records Indicate) by Engineerd, dick & damian & batfam, 9.5k      Damian had studied each of his father’s prior proteges briefly before he’d left the League of Assassins. Somehow, Grayson in person is nothing like Grayson on paper. OR “Are you sure you can catch me?” Grayson asked. Damian could hear his heart beating. He wasn’t sure. “Yes,” he answered anyways. ✦ Even in the Midst of Grief by Ellegrine, dick & damian, 4.3k      Richard Grayson has never hurt Damian. It’s unforgivable that anyone should believe otherwise. BATFAM FIC RECS - TAKE THE ANGST DIAL, TURN IT UP TO ELEVEN, AND BREAK THE KNOB OFF, MAKE ME CRY ABOUT BATS AND BIRDS, THAT’S WHAT I’M HERE FOR: ✦ Second Generation by lowflyingfruit, dick & bruce & tim & barbara & jason & alfred & cass & cast, aftermath of rape + depression, 108.9k      Nine months after the ‘Blockbuster Incident’, a call from Lockhaven Penitentiary regarding Catalina Flores brings all Dick Grayson’s plans for his future in Bludhaven crashing down. Thrust suddenly into parenthood and hiding what happened to make him a parent in the first place, Dick must decide, adjust, and accept - and no matter what, the family has to pull together to help him. ✦ Savior Complex by Arwriter, dick & bruce & barbara & tim & jason & damian & alfred & cast, 11.6k      “All I did was disappoint you.” He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t catch his breath. “I just wanted to do good. I just wanted to be better and all I did was make everyone angry.” Or: When Bruce comes back from the dead, Dick goes nonverbal. Nobody seems to have the time to notice. ✦ Essential Actions by CKBookish, dick & clark & bruce & wally & cast, 8.8k      Clark shifted his weight making the floorboards creak and groan under his feet. “Dick I hate to see you–” He paused searching for the right word. Dick snorted. “Wallow?” Clark sighed. “That’s not what I was going to say.” “I know. I can go to the barn and hang out there if I’m bothering you and Lois.” Dick pushed himself up. Of course he should have thought of that. Lois didn’t want some random teen laying around her home on Christmas Eve. Dick’s first Christmas without Bruce after he’s fired. ✦ The Night It All Came Crashing Down by chibi_nightowl, dick & jason, rape aftermath/read the tags, 4k      After a difficult night on patrol, memories Dick would much rather forget come to the surface. Thankfully, Jason’s there to catch him before he falls. ✦ The Winter of Our Discontent by BloodFromTheThorn, dick & bruce & jason & tim & alfred, 10.2k      Why did criminals always think that the best time to make a disturbance was in the middle of winter? Between the snow, Clayface and Scarecrow, Dick’s having a really bad day. It really doesn’t help that Batman’s late. ✦ The Universe Doesn’t Get to Take This by fishfingersandjellybabies, dick & bruce & damian, 1.9k      “And they’re so important that you don’t come home to check on your recently un-amnesiac brother? And here, I thought I was your favorite.” BATFAM FIC RECS - THROW BABY DICK AT BATTISON, C'MON DO IT, IT’LL BE HILARIOUS: ✦ In This or Any Other Universe by wildsofmarch, dick & bruce & alfred, 33.4k      Dick Grayson (DCU) accidentally lands himself in Battinson’s Gotham. ✦ I’m a Good Pretender by shipNslash, dick & bruce & alfred, 40.4k      Dick’s mother raised her son to be a star. Dick’s father raised his son to be an athlete. Bruce’s new ward is charming (manipulative), dedicated (obsessive), and way, way too smart for either of their own good. ✦ take these broken wings and learn to fly by fishingclocks, dick & bruce & alfred & cast, 45.5k wip      or, How Dick Grayson Burrowed His Way Inextricably into the Heart of Bruce Wayne ✦ i turned around, there was nothing there by lwbones123, dick & bruce & alfred, 3.1k      the batman got me thinking about battinson with a robin. this is that. ✦ Robin’s Light by iammadeofmemories, dick & bruce, ~1k      ‘Lies still’. Murder weapon still missing, Why riddles? Why leave a code? And why— “B! Whatcha working on?” or, in which I throw nine-year-old Dick Grayson at Battinson.

#lumi.txt #dc #batfam #batman #dick grayson #bruce wayne #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #fic recs #batman fic recs #batfam fic recs #long post #really long post

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for abandoning my party in the middle of a notoriously tough dungeon?

i (26m) was playing ffxiv and had just unlocked a new dungeon. all my friends were asleep and i was too excited to wait, so i decided to go against my social anxiety and run it with randos.

the scant handful times i'd run dungeons with randos before went great - earlier that day after another dungeon i'd even gotten player commendations from two of the players in a party i was healing for - so i was more or less confident this time would be fine as well.

boy oh boy was i wrong...

i got matched with three players we will simply call tank, healer, and dps (age and gender unknown for all three). i went in as a bard (all my other jobs were too underlevelled), filling the remaining dps role.

things went awry almost as soon as we set foot in that dungeon. i died in the first room to some enemies that aggro'd on me and ganged up on me. the rest of the party left the room pretty much immediately after all enemies were dead.

i politely asked to be resurrected, to which healer reluctantly complied. they told me to "just rez next time", which would've sent me to the beginning of the dungeon. in hindsight that would've prolly been fine since it was only the first room.

after i caught up to the others i once again got swarmed with monsters. this is gonna be a pattern if you couldn't tell. after i'd died to this pattern a couple times tank yelled at me for "constantly pulling everything ffs".

for those who don't know, tanks (at least in this game) have a special ability that basically acts as an aggro magnet. i have a strong suspicion tank wasn't using said ability considering how often i got swarmed, but we'll never know for sure.

now the mid boss was where it truly went to shit. no matter how much of a distance i kept from that damn thing, no matter how well i evaded its aoe attacks, i just kept dying over and over again. one time the rest of the party even got sent back somehow. i'm not sure how.

and why did i keep dying you may ask? because healer never healed me. not once after they resurrected me at the beginning did i notice my hp go up aside from when i used hi-potions or my one (1) healing spell, both of which have a very long cooldown. i think they were glued to tank the entire time, completely neglecting me and dps.

and yet, i was the one taking the blame for everything. for pulling the enemies tank should've pulled. for constantly dying, which i couldn't help because healer never once touched me after that first resurrection.

it was really starting to affect me so after i let my dead body be sent back to the beginning of the dungeon i finally put my foot down and left the dungeon. this disbanded the party, not only kicking everyone from the dungeon, but likely also penalizing all 4 of us because of my actions.

i will clarify that this wasn't just any old dungeon; it was aurum vale. it's a dungeon you need to be at least level 47 for. while i don't know much about it myself, judging by the way my friends talk about it the semi-universal verdict is that it sucks major balls. it' would's not be a fun dungeon to have to redo, that's for sure.

i was on the verge of tears for well over 30 minutes afterwards, both from the emotional afterquakes of fear and anger but also from the guilt of abandoning these people like that.

so, am i the asshole? am i too sensitive? should i just have sucked it up and kept going?

tldr; i felt like my party of randos were blaming me for being the weakest link while doing their own jobs poorly, and decided to prioritize my own feelings by leaving the dungeon, dissolving the party and forcing the others to start all over again

Oh no. Oh honey. I am so sorry Aurum Vale is just like that. I'm gonna put the poll here and some extra INFO/advice under a readmore because it's a bit long, but please read on before voting.

First: don't let leaving bother you too much, it didn't kick everyone from the dungeon, that's not how it works. If one person leaves, the queue just refills the party with a new person and the dungeon continues like normal, or everyone else now has the option to leave without penalty.

Aurum Vale's first room is a motherfucker--basically it's an older design with lots of wandering monsters, so on the first room especially you need to hug the left hand wall as tight as you can to aggro as little as possible. Let the tank go first and grab aggro on mobs. Don't pull for the tank, especially at this level range. Let them do their job. I can't say for sure whether they had their aggro-generating stance on, could go either way, but I can see why they got annoyed at someone pulling stuff they weren't ready for yet. While wall-to-wall pulling is pretty standard in this game, that's the tank's call to make, not the dps's--and some of these older dungeons with funky level syncing or enemy pacing make wall-to-walling more difficult and not for everyone.

(BTW, as an aside, tank stance works as a personal buff, not a magnet--they do still need to hit things to grab their aggro, sometimes more than once if someone else has already established on them. If they already have a pack they're working on and you grab something way on the other side of the room, you'll have to bring it over to them so they can take it off you!)

If you do die to mobs between bosses, sometimes the best thing to do is just release and respawn! If you get a rez, you'll have a debuff that makes you weaker for a while. Definitely if it's the very first room, releasing is the move most of the time.

As for dying to bosses: was it definitely the mid boss, the cyclops? Because the other two (the plant and the morbol) both have mechanics that make you take slow damage over time unless you eat a fruit to get rid of it. You want to eat a fruit every 2-3 stacks of the debuff that you get because that's where the damage starts to get more severe; before then, the healer can probably handle you.

Basically, it seems like this party mistook inexperience for malice and was rude to you in response. Not healing you, for example, is absolutely inexcusable. You did some things suboptimally that made the dungeon harder for the group, but honestly we were all there once, don't let it get to you too much. Try it again with your friends bearing the stuff I mentioned in mind, and it'll go much better! But as an aside it SUCKS to heal, if you have a more experienced friend you should let them handle it haha

#aita #am i the asshole #ffxiv #aurum vale #sorry for soapboxing lmao this game is just my thing

[astro-rainbow777]

Astrology Observations

Volume I

Disclaimer: Please take these with a grain of salt as I am not a professional. These are just some of my observations I’ve seen from studying random people in my life. I hope you enjoy💕

💐I know someone at work with a Taurus stellium and one of her Hinge posts says her love language is gifts, and said (jokingly I hope) that she would preform sexual favors for a guy if he bought her m&m’s lmao. She also was hooking up with this guy at our work, that she had no intentions on dating, and would get sooooooo possessive if she saw him talking to any other girl. She also talks about being possessive all the time with her “play” friends ;)

🍬 I have my 6th house and Taurus and work with sooooo many Taurus placements. I chart 75% of my coworkers and the ones I talk to the most have Taurus placements, kinda cool.

❤️‍🔥As a Scorpio Moon I’ve found myself really drawn to and appreciative of the Aries Moon nature. They are so direct & assertive with how they feel. I appreciate this so much because I don’t ever feel the need to worry if they are hiding anything from me. Especially when you really get to know an Aries moon, what you see is what you get. They also validate and encourage me to express my big feelings which makes me feel so safe! As a lot of you know Scorpio Moons can be very secretive with our feelings because they can be so big and scary to others. The last thing we want to feel is ashamed for how we feel things and Aries moons get that, and they genuinely don’t hold a grudge against you for anything you say whenever you’re emotional. Just having that type of energy in a connection makes healing and growing in a relationship 10 times easier for us! Thank you sm to the Aries Moons out there! Just to add the 2 Aries Moons I am close with have Scorpio in their personal placements as well….if you don’t relate maybe that’s why lol

👽Scorpio & Virgo in big 3 🤝 Being the most observant people you will ever meet in your life! They pick up on the teeniest little things ever, for ex. If you have a stain or wrinkle anywhere on your clothes that’s the first thing they will pick up on. Also this combination is usually not a fan of change from my experience. Like if you move something from the “correct” place 4 inches over they will be like “Why are touching my shiz brah?”-Never fails. They like the routines and the consistency. They will literally spot a bird 10 yards away and be like omg is that a gRey-WIngEd trUmPetER?!?!! And I’m like how??? How did you even? These people notice everything, probably a great investigator too-same with Gemini/Scorpio placements!

♟️I promise you Virgo placements care about doing something “correctly/right” more than you do- even whenever it doesn’t directly effect them. They are so funny in the way that they operate I love them 😂 If you ask a Virgo to hang up a picture on the wall- please make sure you have a leveler!!!! They will spend 15 minutes minimum making sure that it’s even, if you don’t provide the necessary tools they will rehang something until it is perfection! Once a Virgo was doing a double nose piercing on me and kept redoing the mark of where she was going over and over and over again just to make sure it was perfectly even with my other piercing. Which I appreciated but I could tell if I left the shop with a lop sided nose ring it was going to bother her more than it would me! Very Wholesome peeps- ily guys fr 💙

☮️Gemini Venus’ do tend to be pretty loyal from my experience- but if they are bored or in an unfulfilling partnership they have the tendency to mentally cheat like doing tarot readings to see if their ex still thinks about them type of shh 😭Also the type to gossip about their partner or make up rumors about their relationship. Then they go home to their boo and act like nothing is wrong? 7th house Gemini tho can be very flighty whenever it comes to intimacy (I have this placement)- I am extremely loyal but if me and my partner get into a fight I’m prepared to break up always. I have a 7th stellium tho so I’m not sure how y’all would relate or not 💗

🏖️Leo moons NEED a creative outlet in order to be emotionally fulfilled imo! They thrive having their own little show-from what I’ve seen with these guys they love having a hobby they can share with the world and regularly be the center of attention. No joke-these people are some of the most talented beings I have met in my life! They 100% have a gift or a niche they get a lot of positive attention for and desire to share with the world. Every Leo moon I have been close with loves to perform for their loved ones- it is so wholesome like they are sharing a part of their soul with you⛲️

🐟Heavy 12th house placements (mainly Mercury & Venus) read poetry regularly or relate a lot to poetry. Even if it’s like little Tik tok or instagram posts. I’ve also noticed these guys like to just have books-even if they don’t read regularly? I lived with a 12th house Mercury w/ Neptune in the 1st house and they like to read poetry but only whenever they are depressed. I think that this individual in particular also just really likes for other people to think that they are super poetic themselves. They like to talk about poetry and the arts but I’ve lived with them for almost a year and they rarely do artsy things. Venus in the 12th though genuinely loves poetry and regularly reads it. Venus in 12th is also BEAUTIFUL AF but thinks they have nothing to offer most of time? Like I don’t understand. Blind to their own beauty but so quick to see everyone else’s. Angels 😇

🦀As a Cancer stellium (Mars, Venus, Jupiter) in the 8th, I have lied to people about how I am feeling, or what I am doing as a form of emotional protection. I used to rarely let my friends and family know how I am doing-especially if I’m doing bad. I regularly feel bad for being upset with others, and it leads me to just completely abandon emotional honesty if I don’t think someone will take to my feelings/boundaries well. I AM SENSITIVE AND DELICATE and I’m also damn good at hiding it for I have thine Scorpio Moon in 12th🧚‍♀️ People only know what I want them to know- I’m in therapy guys! So please don’t worry about me 🥸

🌝P.S. happy cancer season reeeeee

I hope you enjoyed my first lil observation!!!🎉

I encourage feed back and kind constructive criticism! Please lmk how you felt and how you relate! Let’s connect! Let’s talk! Mwah 💋

Ty sm for reading 💕

-Kya

⬇️FEAST YOUR EYES FOR THIS IS MY NATAL<3

🌈 I LOVE RAINBOWS 😇

#astrology signs #astro community #zodiac #astrology #pisces #aquarius #capricorn #saggitarius #cancer #cancer mars #cancer stellium #virgo #scorpio moon #scorpio #8th house #12th house #leo venus #leo moon #leo #aries moon #aries sign #aries #astrology observations #astro chart #natal chart #taurus #taurus stellium #libra #gemini venus #gemini

[reysdriver]

Regulus Black + 24 (Angst Prompts) + regulus breaking a dish on accident and then breaking down crying because of what walburga would have done to him if he was still at her house

just please make my boy happy in the end

You comfort Regulus after he breaks a plate while washing dishes (with angst dialogue prompt "please don't leave me") — regulus x gn!reader hurt/comfort

warnings: blood, mentions of past familial abuse

words: 0.4k

a/n: I loved this prompt so much but I counldn't figure out how to end this one so I don't feel like I did it justice and I may redo this in the future idk

Regulus had insisted on doing the dishes after you had made dinner for the two of you. Although you assured him that you had no problem cooking and washing dishes after, he led you to the couch and told you to lay down and relax.

You picked up a book off the coffee table and began to read, using the running water as white noise until a crash snapped you out of your serenity. Dropping the book, you stood up and headed over to the kitchen to find the source of the sound.

There was water and shattered ceramic on the floor by the sink. Regulus was on his knees, frantic in his attempt to clean it up. It took a second to process, but you saw the tears in his eyes and realised the severity of the scene. You darted towards him, careful to not step on anything sharp while you were in your socks.

“Regulus, stop! You’re going to get cut!”

Although you were pleading for him to stop, Regulus kept attempting to clean up the pieces.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He mumbled unnecessarily.

You just wanted to comfort him in some way. As you reached out to hold his hands—both for touch and as a way to take them off the floor—you saw that he had in fact cut himself on the broken dish.

“Reggie, you’re bleeding.” You pointed out. “Please get up.”

“I’m sorry.” He repeated, even though neither of you were really sure what he was apologising for.

“Stay here, don’t step on anything.” You instructed softly before turning around to get bandages for his bloody palms.

“Please don’t leave me.” Regulus begged quietly, and you realised how terrible this must look after experiencing a life with his family.

Looking back at him, you promised that you’d be right back. “I just have to get the broom and some bandages.”

You came back as quickly as possible with everything you needed. You set the broom down by the sink, not caring to clean the floor until Regulus was safe and comfortable again.

You sat him down at the kitchen table and chose the seat across from him for yourself. As you lifted up one of his hands to inspect the damage, he apologised once more, this time for the overreaction.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, my love, I promise.” You told him sincerely, then brought his wrist up to your lips and pressed a kiss against the skin. 

#regulus black #regulus black x reader #regulus black x you #regulus black x y/n #regulus black angst #regulus black fluff #marauders era #marauders angst #marauders fluff #xena's requests

[rise-my-angel]

Haunted Anguish

Credit: @a7estrellas

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Length: 15.3k

Warnings: Angst/hurt comfort, trauma related mental instability, mentions of blood, accidental self harm, nightmares and sleep paralysis, smut, outdoor smut, p in v, sex as a coping mechanism

Notes: Ptsd is not mentioned by name or diagnoses, but presentation of symptoms is a theme throughout the fic. Direct follow up to Past Retribution but can be read as a standalone.

The week after the bite, you knew you were losing yourself, and you weren’t stupid enough to think Joel hadn’t picked up on it. But you struggled to stop any of it. The metallic flick was the only thing you could focus on. Not the sounds of people walking around, not the conversations that passed you by, not even the quiet shuffling of the horses mere feet from you. 

It was hard to pinpoint this feeling that had been growing for days. It wasn’t like your brain was lost in a fog, the total opposite. It felt like you walked through a world that blurred around you. Mute and numb to your existence despite the truth being otherwise. There was a growing heaviness in your chest that each day filled just a bit more with a disgusting guilt and the past 2 days your hands kept pulling out the lighter as if it possessed you to do so. 

Maybe if Joel hadn’t grabbed it would this feeling disappear? He had seen what you had done, what you had tried to do, he must had assumed it belonged to you, and now it sat in your pocket at almost all times screaming at you along with the bite that loomed over it all. 

You wanted to blame him because it was an easy out, an excuse as to why you carried a burden with you. But it wasn’t Joel’s fault and you knew that, and the lighter wasn’t the problem. It was the memories it held from that day that haunted you, and those weren’t so easily gotten rid of. 

There was a small wooden bench pressed up against the corner maroon coloured wall, a small square room protruding from the edge where supplies could be stored allowing you to sit with your back against it and legs stretched out, one knee bent up where your arm rested on. You had been there for quite a while, your tasks for the day long completed yet you sat there. 

On and off you occasionally flicked the lighter so the flame appeared, and you felt lost in it, the heat ever so slightly trying to burn your fingers the longer you let it stay lit. The muffled world simmered down to a silence before a clang of metal snapped you out of it. The sliding doors felt loud as you could see Joel’s figure make it’s way into the room. 

At first he leaned his hand against one of the doors with the other on his hip, the sunlight shining behind him shrouding his features in as slight shadow, but his voice was as clear as can be. “You coming back anytime soon, or do you want me to bring you a sleeping bag?” The grin in his voice was audible and any other time you would have let out some sort of a laugh. 

But all you did was watch the flame for a second to long, Joel calling your name in a louder tone until you snapped your head up to him properly, hand slamming the lighter shut. Almost as if you didn’t really hear him you just raised your eyebrow in question. 

“I said, are you ready to head home.” Pushing off of the entrance door, Joel took slow steps into the room, eyes narrowed as he looked you over in an expression you couldn’t quite pick up on. “I feel like I’ve barley seen you the past couple days.” 

The one arm resting on your knee pressed down onto it harder as your fingers tightened around the lighter while the other dig into the fabric of your pants until you could feel the stinging pressure. You shook your head slightly and swing your legs over to put your feet down. “Sorry, yeah, I’m done for the day.” 

“Hey, easy there.” Joel suddenly had you in his hold as he forced you to stand up slower. “The last thing we want is to redo your stitches 3 days in a row.” The sternness of his voice felt like condescension. You were just an inconvenience, needing him to redo them every time you ripped them open carelessly all beacuse you couldn’t reach the angle to stitch yourself back up. 

Swiftly you tried to pull your arms from his grasp, not quite meeting his eye. “I got it.” 

“Do you?” Joel has stopped your pulling away with a firm hold on your upper arms, body slightly bent to look at you closer. If you didn’t feel the way you did, you would have known Joel’s tone wasn’t what you interpreted it as. To him, it was concern. The first day after he and Ellie brought you home you were fine it seemed, but the next day it was like you suddenly were trapped in a memory and the fact that you barley even registered the pain of ripping your stitches open only made him more assertive in checking on you. 

To you though, it felt like scolding. It felt just like the early days of knowing each other, that night when he yelled at you on the porch of his house in the pouring rain. Like a parent doubting a petulant child, the very thing you had previously worried he saw you as. 

Your eyes snapped up to him, a flash of not quite anger, but irritation swam in your eyes. “You wanna check?” Knocking one hand off of you, you brazenly lifted one edge of your shirt up to reveal the unsavoury sight of the healing wound in your side. New stitches in tact. 

Joel was silent for a beat, and it wasn’t just his tone that you didn’t grasp, it was also the concern plastered all over his face that you read as annoyance. “Good. They look better today.” He went to put a hand on your lower back to lead you out, but found himself hovering over you instead. 

His eyes looking to the side at you debating if you’d shake that off as well. Joel could tell what happened out there was boiling something up inside of you, but it was like you were shutting him out entirely day by day. He couldn’t get it out of you to talk to him, but he was also aware not to push you too hard or you’d likely go back to your own place for god knows how long. 

Ellie had pointed out that now he knew how annoying being pushed away was. Meant to poke fun at him, but both of them read her tone. She looked for you constantly, always throwing her head back and forth hoping to see you join them or come home and it was hurting her more than she admitted. Joel knew exactly how she felt. 

Your arms were crossed tucked protectively against your chest as you made your way home. The crunch of the gravel filling the air between you as the normally comfortable silence now felt stifling. Joel broke it first. “You know you can talk to me right?” 

The only response you gave was a nod, and he prompted again. “I just- keeping all that inside can’t be healthy. Trust me, sweetheart I’d know.” Sensing you weren’t at his side, Joel pivoted around to see you looking at him more harsh then he’s used to from you. 

“Keeping what inside me, exactly?” 

At this point you were near the main street, people all around as you posed an unfair question you knew he couldn’t answer here. “You know what.” 

Your face was firm and somewhat impassive. “Do I?” 

It wasn’t an anger Joel was feeling, but a frustration that he wasn’t sure how to help you. He wasn’t stupid, this had to do with what happened with Don, probably what happened all those years ago too. And not that he’d admit it, deep down he wondered if any of this had to do with your immunity as well. You had been left to be infected and die twice by the same man, both times you came out the other side alive. 

It weighed on Ellie too, but in a different way. She was young, Joel could protect and guide her through those feelings. But you weren’t, and he couldn’t force you too far. 

Your name slipped from his lips in warning, but still soft and close to your ear as he stepped into your personal space. “I’m not just going to let you fall down that rabbit hole.” His large hand encompassed your cheek, finally relieved that you didn’t move away form his warm touch. “That’s a place you don’t deserve to be.” 

You slid your gaze away from him, the feeling in your gut quickly flying back to guilt. Once again you just nodded in agreement. Raising your hand up to squeeze his wrist in affection with a smile that certainly didn’t make it to your eyes. 

But it was something, so you both left for home in relative calm. You weren’t that much more talkative throughout the evening. You could see Joel and Ellie threw you prompts to join the conversation, but answering with a proper sentence wasn’t common. “Just busy is all. Daisy’s just about ready to give birth so I got a lot on my hands.” 

Daisy was a particularly stubborn horse that was most attached to you. She gave most people a stink about everything unless it was you, and her ready to give birth only made her more aggressive about shoving anyone but you away. It did take a lot of your time, but all three of you knew it was just an excuse to be alone more often then not.   “I can help out with the others if you want to just focus on her?” 

The bright hopeful look on Ellie’s face was slightly heartwarming. She clearly was desperate to get closer to you know that you had something incredibly rare in common. So you tilted your head to the side in a little shrug. “Sure, don’t see why not.” 

It wasn’t lost on you that finding such a familial bond in Joel, settling somewhere that felt like home has opened her up to you. The very real possibility, that finding a life somewhere so normal and meeting another person just like her, has her yearning for something akin to a family. Not just a father, but did she really deserve to be dragged down your path?

You were slower than them picking at your food, often tapping the fork lightly against the plate as your eyes fell back into this strange feeling so incredibly hard to understand. At one point you could feel Joel’s hand gently caress you as he slid it along your shoulder blade, before coming up to bring the side of your head closer to him. Pressing his lips against your hair me mumbled into you, “We’re gonna talk later, okay?” 

Biting the inside of your cheek, you gave back the only affection you could summon. Squeezing the hand on your shoulder and leaning back slightly into his broad frame. He pressed one more smaller kiss into you, “I got you, sweetheart.” 

Joel always reminded you of that, but did you have him? Were you good enough to be here, or did your constant mistakes just pull them down? You seemed to keep putting yourself into life threatening situations of your own doing, and you couldn’t help but wonder just how long you should put Joel and Ellie through this. 

If you were honest, talking was the last thing you had the energy for especially with a man like Joel Miller, but you made your way into the bedroom anyways.

It was later in the evening when you had said goodnight to Ellie before pausing at Joel’s closed door. Your hand was over the cold metal of the door handle as your rested your forehead against the wood. You couldn’t avoid this one, Joel would just stay awake until you’d try to go to bed. Letting out a shaky breathe, you slowly opened the door just enough to slip inside. 

He looked so soft, the dim glow of the room painting the side of his face like a painting. His features so handsome it never failed to pull you into it’s alluring grasp. Dressed in just a soft t-shirt and flannel patterned sweats, he was leaned up against the dresser with his hands braced behind him on the wood. 

Gesturing with his chin to where the bathroom sat just outside of the door, “Ellie skipped out today, there should be enough hot water for you to actually enjoy for the whole time.” 

Your hands twiddled at your sides, before shaking your head no. Mostly ignoring the side of the room where he stood, you pulled your shirt over your head as the fabric muffled your words. “I’ll just wait until morning. It’s late.” Not really looking at him, you mindlessly grabbed a sweater of his laying on the bed. 

Totally missing the fact that Joel had clearly sat it out for you. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen you choose an early shower of a night one.” You missed the furrow of his brows as his grasp on the drawer handles tensed more. 

You just shrugged. Sitting on the edge of the bed to change into your own sweatpants you now faced his direction but looked at the floor. You could see he had pushed off of the drawer and made his way to your. You didn’t want to be alone with this whirlwind of unknowable emotions anymore today, you just wanted to sleep.

He’d wait up for you if you showered now. You could sneak out tomorrow morning and come back to shower when the house was empty. Besides, if you did now no question Joel would end up leaned against the sink counter. Ready to take care of the hot pressure of the water pouring down onto a wound he knew you weren’t actually trying to take care of. 

Joel hovers when he worries, and for the first time you think you hated it.   

Crouching down to look up at you, Joel didn’t touch you this time. Just gave you the space. “You can’t just shut me out, not after I almost lost you.” His jaw was clenched but there was a familiar affection in his eyes that shined more sad than romantic. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say, I told you what happened that day I wasn’t lying or keeping anything from you.” Your hands tapping against the sheets beside you. “I just want to let it go.” 

This time when Joel grabbed you, it was the side of your jaw with his fingers stretched just barley across your cheek. His tug was firm as he forced you to look at him now leaning over you. His face this time, was much closer to the anger you used to think he only ever showed. “Yeah? Well I can’t. You think I can just let go of the fact that I found you unconscious in a pool of your own blood? The fact that there was a fucking trail of it all over the floor, not even sure you were alive?” 

You shut your eyes, the watering feeling coming up to the surface of them as you fisted the sheets in your hands. “I’m not asking you to forget-” 

His hold on you gave a purposeful shake to open your eyes. “Good, because I’m not about to anytime soon. I’m not about to just get over having to sit there with Ellie, terrified you were going to wake up...but it wouldn’t be you.” 

There was upset in his eyes as well, but masked with a desperate anger. It made your guilt feel worse. The guilt flooding you with shame and reminding you how inadequate you had become. How useless you’d soon be to them, and you were terrified of what you’d do if, or when, he kicked you out of Jackson, out of his life.  You felt small as you just whispered out, “I’m sorry.” 

His forehead rested against yours, his other hand on your side just hoping you’d touch him back. “Don’t be sorry, just stop pretending I’m not here for you, because I’m never going to stop caring about you so goddamn much. Alright?” His thumbs ran comfortingly over your skin, leaving a starch warmth in their path. 

You nodded, fists still clutching the sheets. It always came around to not feeling good enough for him, but now you hated yourself for making him waste this fierce protectiveness on someone who didn’t deserve it.  Joel’s hands slipped from your face to plant themselves next to yours. Part of you yearned for his touch back, but the other part wanted to get away from him entirely. 

Your heart pounding in your chest, each beat feeling as if it constricted your lungs tighter and tighter. You could hear it in your head, demanding you let the feeling take over but you didn’t want to. Joel had put up with enough of this for one day, why drive him away further. 

Whatever Joel found in your eyes, it made him pull back from whatever he was trying to get out of you. Leaning off the bed you felt one hand pull your head in just slightly as he pressed a kiss there, mumbling as he pulled away. “Let’s get you to bed, you need the extra rest.” 

You didn’t consider it was referring to how little you were letting your side heal, it to your brain, was him wanting you to sleep off this attitude. So you nodded, and that was the end of that. 

Sleep though, brought you a whole other nightmare. Nothing was coherent, it was like your memories were mixed together into one warped event. The burning pain of sharp teeth sinking into you, your arm, your side, the blood that covered you from both. The yelling of what you had done ringing in your ears as a distant sound grew louder and louder behind it. 

Once again consumed by terror, it was like flashes of mutated once humans and the clicking that followed. That clicking grew even louder, mixing so harsh with the now indistinguishable yelling that the clicking made you cover your ears but it still consumed you. It yelled into your very head as the agony of the bites felt like it was all over your body, the walls closing in as you were surrounded by the very thing trying to turn you into them. 

The only thing that you could see as you sat against the wall was fresh dead. The distant sight of a man draped over his dead wife, and then that very man splayed dead on the floor from your own action. His yells still filling the air and the roaring of the creatures echoed in the air, only to stop suddenly as you lurched awake. 

Instantly pushing yourself up against the bed on the palms of your hand, you gasped for air as the sound of blood pumping flowed in your ears. You had been turned away from Joel, almost at the edge of the bed as close to the open air as can be. Briefly you shut your eyes as you worked desperately to taper your frantic breathing silently, the cold air in the room freezing with your sweat covered skin. 

Your arms shook with the force it took to hold you up, your jaw clenched so tight you could feel the strain being pulled to it’s limit. You didn’t want to flip over to look at him, you felt too much shame and such sickening guilt you didn’t want to look at anyone. It was too late in the night to slip out of bed. 

Joel’s internal clock was atuned to when to be suspicious of sound or movement, he’d wake up and you were not about to explain your painful trembling state. You just lay there once more. Staring out the window you faced at the dark nothingness the angle allowed you to see. 

You wondered if you had slipped in and out of sleep without noticing as the sky slowly brightened before your eyes quicker then you expected. You could still hear it, the sounds of your dreams, and all you could think was how little you wanted he or Ellie to see how pathetic you looked. 

It was close enough to morning that you knew you could get away without issue. Silently you slinked form the bed and got dressed, barley paying attention to what you were grabbing. As you dropped your shirt over your torso, you looked slightly behind you. Joel’s large frame still peacefully asleep like he deserved to have. You bit the inside of your cheek again, and left, slowly shutting his door behind him. 

Luckily the house was still silent. The only stop you made was downing a glass of water before throwing your bag over your shoulder and walking out. That though, did make you stop. Because Ellie was awake and leaning against the railing looking directly at you. 

Arms crossed and a hard frown, she wasted no time. “You’re supposed to be taking it easy.” 

Your face tensing as you squinted in the growing sunlight, you really needed to find a pair of sunglasses. You nervously readjusted your grip on your bag and shrugged. “I just have a lot to catch up on after-” 

Her voice got louder this time. “After what? Ripping your stitches open twice already?” Ellie’s tone was a bit easier to catch then Joel’s. There was an anger in her voice but it was mixed heavily with a waver of genuine upset. “You should be letting it heal before jumping back like nothing happened.” 

Her bright eyes bore into yours this time. No trace of anger, just distant desperation. Sighing as you looked down with your eyes shutting briefly, “Ellie,” 

“No.” You once again shot up this time brows furrowed as you looked at her. “What happened, it- it wasn’t nothing. I know it wasn’t.” Voice cracking weakly as she consciously or unconsciously grazed her fingers over where you now knew was a healed over brand of teeth. 

More guilt set in. Stepping forward you tilted her head up more to your height, “But that’s just it isn’t it? What happened happened, and it turned into nothing. For both of us.” The tension in her body was clear and while you hadn’t known her for as long as Joel, this was still the first time she was distinctly upset about something serious. 

“I know there’s Joel, but...” Sighing deeply she let her arms fall to her sides. “It’s different with you. No one but you knows what it feels like, and..” 

“It doesn’t feel good.” You knew exactly what she meant. Having to watch the exact same fate fall on person after person and you are silent in the background knowing that never became you. It was eating away at you, but that was the last thing you wanted for her. Your thumb moved to trace over her cheek. “You have me, I promise. It just...getting used to people knowing isn’t easy.” 

Ellie nodded. “Joel was the only person who knew that didn’t want something from me.” 

The pause in your breathe nudged at a thought you had not too long ago. Mixing what on had told you about the job he took that led him to her, and the mention of places Joel and Ellie had travelled through before arriving here. You looked at her, almost a hopeful look that you knew you didn’t feel. 

What exactly did she think those people wanted from her, you wonder. How much did she really know. You wanted to ask Joel, but the last thing you’d ever do to him is push for information about his past. So you settled for a middle ground. Kneeling down to her height more, you made her look you in the eye. “The only thing anyone should want for you, Ellie is to let you feel normal. That’s what Joel wants and it’s what I want for you too. You have me, but this?” 

Your own hand reached out to gently hold where you now knew the mark was. “I don’t want this being what defines you. What happened then is important, but so is now. Okay?” 

Ellie nodded again. Seemingly backing up a bit to give you room to leave. You gave a nod back before standing up straight and taking a step down the stairs before Ellie called you name. 

Turning your body, she stood now in front of the steps, fidgeting as if grappling with a decision she wasn’t sure she wanted to make. Whatever she really wanted, she changed her mind. “Are you going to be late again, tonight?” 

You wished she wasn’t getting so attached to you. Your intrusion on their lives felt much more like a leech minute by minute. “I’ll try.” Ellie took that as a final answer. Her eyes lost in thought before going back inside, slamming the door just loud enough you knew Joel had heard it. So you wasted no time and walked away. 

You had too much to catch up on, and you were sick of being stuck with your thoughts. The distractions was all you wanted to depend on right now, and to be honest? You really didn’t care if you ripped your stitches open again to do it. 

The entire day blurred around you once again, the time that passed feeling like hours were the length of days. It wasn’t even a week since the incident, yet if you were to say what it felt like, you’d say months. People always joked how quickly time passes, but you didn’t experience it the same way. 

To you, really ever since that day you had been left to suffocate on the heavy air, die from your wound, or worse, time felt like an eternity. So the day dragged on endlessly. Sometimes the people around you asked what was up with you, but you shrugged it off. You were naturally quiet, so they took it as such and you didn’t want any attention otherwise. 

Ignoring it was probably a mistake. During the afternoon, you had hopped up onto a platform to help drag up a heavy box, only to jump down with force. You knew right away what you did, you could feel it. Before joining up with the others, you slowly lifted your shirt just enough to see a trickle of blood. 

Rolling your eyes with a sigh, you dropped it back down. It wasn’t much blood, you just wanted to ignore the bite for once. You wish Joel had just finished the job and seared the skin over, but he was adamant and pretty offended that you wanted him to put you through what would basically be torture. “It’s deep and it’s fucking huge, do you know how painful that would be? Even if I did it when you were passed out, that kind of burn would wake you up from the pain and knock you right back out from shock.” 

You tried to reason with him, but the conversation ended with Joel raising his hand to interrupt you. “It’s not going to happen. Now or ever.” Pointing at you, the tension radiating from his body. “Don’t ever ask me again.” He stormed out of the room at that point and you never suggested anything like it again. 

You figured no one would notice what happened anyways. You had 3 layers on at this point and that’d be enough to cover up whatever blood seeped through your clothes. You did start to wince as the day went on though, but maybe it was deserved. 

Meeting up with Joel later on, the stinging reminded you that you deserved to feel this way. Multiple times in the evening you missed his eyes narrowing as he looked you over, but you gave nothing away he could easily detect. It wasn’t until that night did he find anything to confront you with. 

It had stopped bleeding by the time you went to sleep, it was just now open and painful. Later you wondered if it was just a normal nightmare would you have been normal enough not to catch his attention, but this time that wasn’t the case. 

Sleep paralysis was a new thing to you. You were half aware that it was Joel’s room you were in, but nothing around you looked like it. No it looked like the view on that grimy floor you laid out on as you waited in terror for the infection to take effect. The quiet wind blowing just outside the walls and the scattered movement of the creature reminding you what you were waiting to become. 

In the memory you got up eventually, but here you couldn’t. Nothing about you could move. Your body strained and vibrated as every nerve in your body buzzed at their inability to shift even slightly. Every attempt to turn failing. 

Your heart started to race as the panic built in your chest rapidly. You didn’t know if it was real or the panic you felt that caused the pressure, the sensation like your chest was being pressed and you couldn’t breathe. Fear filled your veins as you lost sight of knowing you weren’t here but in what was supposed to be a safe place. 

The reality forming into a terror that maybe this was it. That this was the final state, would you soon lose yourself or would you be trapped? Always fighting to move your body but instead of being paralyzed on the ground, would you be fighting against the infection doing it for you? 

You wanted to scream, but you couldn’t move any of your muscles enough to produce any movement of sound. In the back of your head it felt as if your eyes fluttered, like but nothing around you changed. It just felt like a taunt. The yelling seemed to come back, only quiet and different then before, and you lay there, radically terrified that you couldn’t even turn your head or open your eyes properly to see what was coming. 

What did startle you from this hell and pull you up into the real world, was a grasp of hands on your body and a stark voice in your ear. Suddenly you drastically flew up in bed and open your eyes as fast as possible. The deep heavy sensation threatening to pull you back under it’s still spell if you closed them again. 

Joel at this point had leaned across the bed with your cheeks cupped in is hands as he spoke softly to you. “Just breathe,” Nodding you slowly started to force yourself to breathe steadily in and out as your heart slowed, and your mind finally tore away from the pull. Joel’s whispers continuing comfort your disjointed thoughts. “Good, that’s good. You’re okay, sweetheart.” 

Without looking up at him, both of your hands weakly reached up to grasp at his wrists. Your head sort of tipping down into his hold a little firmer. In the back of your head, you were demanding to pull away and not fall for his endearing protection, to just separate and stop this before he decided he was caring too much for a lost cause.

But your anxiety won out. Looking up at the different kind of terror in his own eyes you wondered just how you looked in that moment before he woke you up. Wondering if the strange fluttering of your eyes wasn’t just a spine tingling figment of your imagination. God how could he even look at you anymore, if he saw such an uncomfortable sight laying out side him? 

You tried to whisper, but your voice was weary and your tone not in any way assertive. Just a mumbling, “I’m fine.” Which wasn’t enough for Joel. One hand moved to hold just under your chin to tilt your head up with his thumb, the other fingers finding part of your jaw. 

He kissed you perhaps a little more aggressive then he should have for dragging you from a terrifying sleep, but you couldn’t comprehend the kind of worry you continued to put in him by shutting out anything that was happening to you.  

His soft lips capturing yours over and over, almost muttering things into your mouth. Pouring words of scare and comfort into how he felt. Joel was always better at showing you how he felt then saying it, he he did it again here. 

Your own hands at that point, found a home on his torso. One pressed against his chest while the other grasped at his meaty side and dragged him into you more. Joel in that moment allowed himself to get dragged over top of you, one of his hands pressing your waist into the bed. 

It wasn’t until he teased your mouth open further with his tongue, and gently feeling the brush against yours that he tried pulling away. Muttering your name, be pulled back twice when you tried to chase his lips again, each time telling you, “Easy baby,” or shushing you with a gentle “Hey, hey settle down”, while his hands raked over the side of your head soothingly. 

He dragged the tip of his nose over the length of yours before pressing a kiss there. Leaning up enough to look you in the eye, his other hand cupping the back of your head to support you as you lifted it slightly to follow. “Joel, please I just-” 

His face was set in a firmness as much as you could see in the dark room. “Take it easy for me first.” 

You dove in already though, jumping into a water that needed Joel’s touch, his kiss like survival. “Please, I just need you right now. I need you.” Your voice almost pleading with him as you dragged your hands over around his neck, your forehead moving up to press against his. “I don’t want to think about that, I just need-” 

Joel nodded, his lips brushing against yours with every move. “You need me sweetheart, is that it? Need my touch to calm you down?” He wasn’t mocking or even teasing. It was a serious tone he asked you in like nothing else mattered. You must have looked pretty terrifying to get this kind of response in the middle of the night. 

But you needed it too. So you pleaded yes. “Please. I just need you in me, just for a little while.” 

Joel’s breathe was warm on your face as he sighed through his nose. Clearly conflicted in thought for a moment. Pressing one last gentle kiss to your lips, you could feel a fond almost smile breaking onto his face. “A little while, that’s it.” Joel sat up to straddle your legs between him, helping you up enough let you touch him as you needed. 

When he went to lift your shirt up, you stopped him instantly. Giving him to chance to even ask, just grasping them with yours and moving them to your bottoms and kissing him more. He dragged them down with relative ease, he was a man that honestly? Didn’t care about taking his time to undress your most private parts. He needed touch, and looking and feeling your bare skin on his, is what he wanted. You pulled his shirt over his head, and greedily felt his chest. 

His broad frame always consuming so much of the time you explored him. His broad frame spanned smiles on your small hands, and it seemed to go on forever as they naturally found their way to the soft rounder stomach beneath. Joel once told you that your softness and how much you had of it, made him obsessed. “Sometimes it feels like you’re the only damn thing in this world that isn’t rough or hard.” 

He very quickly tossed you onto the couch immediately after when you made a wisecrack about how he didn’t “feel very hard”. That was blatantly untrue and you both knew it. 

Even now pressed against your front you could feel his cock hardening with every trace of your fingers or swipe of his tongue against your own. With little warning, Joel yanked you up to straddle his lap as he sat upright on the bed, his knees and calves resting below him as his thick thighs and equally thick cock functioned as your own seat.  

You lucked out in the nic of time. The very moment Joel grabbed too close on your waist to your still ripped open stitches, he also ground you down onto his cock. The jump in his arms was followed by a needy gasp that disguised the painful one behind it. You once again wrapped your arms around his neck as he slid his hands down to your hips. 

“Spread out for me, sweetheart.” He meant to kneel you back down onto the bed, finding his favourite spot between your legs but you couldn’t risk that. Joel was grabby when he tasted you, and he’d no doubt either push your shirt up too high or grab at it mindlessly. 

“No, no no, I just need you in me, please. All of you.” Your hands flying down to his waistband and trying to push it down enough to feel the course hair spread across his pelvis. He sensitive area pulled a shaky moan from him before he kissed you again. 

“I need to stretch you open, baby it’s been a while.” He meant it kindly, but you just didn’t want to risk it as insane as you knew it was. When you protested, he pulled you into his bare chest with a hand wrapped behind your back. “You’re a tight fit even after I’ve already fucked you plenty, let me take care of you.” 

You needed to distract him. So you took your chance and pulled his waistband down enough to wrap your hand around his cock. He jolted in place and groaned into your shoulder as his head dropped into you. “Fuck,” 

Pulling him out into the open air, you worked him over taking advantage of every leak of precum he gave you. For a moment he was lost in you. The sound of the wet skin of his cock you stroked up and down, the tightness of your grip and the steady speed you jerked him forced moans out of him and his arms to tighten around you. 

The muscles of those arms impossibly large and all consuming as he luckily held you just above your side. It almost surprised Joel how much just you stroking his cock could work him up. His hips trying to chase your pace as he could feel the tension in his body coiling, but he wanted to take care of you more. 

Pulling back from your shoulder he aggressively kissed you, ripping your hands away and positioning your hips to hover just above him. Mumbling into your mouth, Joel still checked in. “Are you sure, sweetheart?” 

Nodding against his lips, Joel took your word for it. Every time you were sat in his lap, his cock never eased into you. He sank so deep and it pulled mutters and swears from his gritting teeth. You had covered his cock as much as you could, smearing his own cum over his cock as you stroked him to already get him wet. 

You were wet, but you knew not what he would think was acceptable enough. There was a distinct burn that made you hiss out. You could see the instant concern but took advantage of his still somewhat sleepy state. Dropping your head into his neck and shoulder just as he did, you gave a genuine moan from how deep he was and how thick his cock felt snugly inside of you. 

You very quickly begun kissing and nibbling at the skin of his neck and Joel’s moans were shameless at the attack of such a sensitive area. His hands with a grip on your hips so tight the bruises already started to bloom in his fingertips shape. Moving you slowly up and down the length of his cock got gasps and whimpers out of you. 

The slow pace didn’t last as long as he intended. His cock finding that spot inside of you quickly, the intense pleasure it would spiral you into was something he almost always took advantage of. You grinded into his cock more and more, trying to meet his pace, but Joel was the one yanking your hips up and down. 

It was his cock that he thrusted up into you as he pulled you back down with an echoed slap of your thighs against his. That sound that drove him insane, and Joel didn’t quite know why but it only started after he found you. Fucking up into you as the slap of your skin together rang in his ears and harmonized with the moans and whimpers you stuttered out between pleads of his name. 

One hand of his snaked down to grasp at your ass as pull your hips even tighter against him just as he sunk his cock as much as he could into your warm, wet pussy. “Oh god,” the gasp bled into his own moaning. 

Working you over his cock as he rambled about how good you were, how “so fucking good” you felt around him. Nonsensical muttering about staying inside you forever as his entire body coiled and tightened once more, causing him to sacrifice a steady pounding into quick and breathtaking shallow thrusts. His hips slamming into your own fast, making the air nothing but the moans of each others need, and your skin slapping together so fast that by the time the first slap had faded it was replaced with a newer one once more. 

His grip on your ass pushed you into him more, your clit now grazing against the rough hair around his cock. His hair tight in your hands as you whimpered, high pitched and desperate as you could feel the pleasure building as fast as he fucked you. 

“I got you, I’ve- fuck- I got you, let me have it, baby. Just let me have it, you can do it, you can cum all over my cock, sweet girl.” His cock against the warm wall inside you that blanked your mind of any thought, a whiteout in your head filled with nothing but your orgasm shattering around him. 

“Good, fuck- that’s my fucking girl. Jesus Christ, you feel so fucking good around my cock.” Joel was chasing his own orgasm and he throbbed inside of you, the sensitive brush of hair against your clit not allowing you to really come down. “Gonna let me fill you with my cum? Let me spill inside you?” A question he’s never asked of you before.

You nodded into a gasp, and it didn’t take but a few more thrusts before Joel’s orgasm let go. The unbelievable need it fed you, feeling his warm cum spill inside of you, never really dripping out until he slides his cock out of the tight hold you have around it. 

You both held the other as you breathed heavily coming back down. Joel tipped your chin up to look at him with his fingers, cupping it gently enough to pull you into another kiss. You were distracted all right. 

Because as he hand smoothed over what he thought was a healing wound, you hissed in pain and there was no slide of his cock inside of you to disguise it. 

He pulled away from your lips without hesitating. His eyes narrowing at the guilt you had painted all over you. If it was lighter he might see the very start of another bleed finding it’s way over the fabric of your shirt, but he found it anyways when he yanked it up with one hand, and awkwardly leaned over you to turn his bedside light on with the other. 

It was clear they weren’t newly ripped. There was a distinct wear and tear that mocked him for not noticing the issue earlier in the day. The anger he felt looking at the painful memory didn’t last long when he looked back up. 

The shame and guilt on you was heartbreakingly distinct. You looked off to the side as your hands shook slightly pulling away from him. Assuming he was mad at you, assuming he didn’t want you touching him anymore. 

Whatever complex contemplation you normally thought through stoically was disastrously affected by the curtains being whipped open so soon after he fucked you. Joel took sex with you very seriously, but he also knew you did too. He knew how intense it was for you and his chest lurched seeing how fast those two emotions mixed together and collapsed in front of you. 

His jaw clenched briefly, before kissing your nose. “C’mon.” Gesturing his head to the door, “Let’s patch you up before that gets infected.” 

If Joel noticed your distinct pause at his word choice, he kept it to himself for now. As quiet as you could, Joel nudged you to take a seat in the washroom as he grabbed the med supplies. Bracing yourself, you hissed out again as you made you way to sit up on the sink counter. 

Peeking out the door you could see Ellie’s own bedroom, your thoughts consuming you with something you never considered before. You were at least an adult when you found out, someone supposed to be equipped to handle information like that, despite your current jumble of emotions aside. Ellie is still a child though. You filled with more guilt, wondering just how hard it must be for her to watch others around you fall to a fate they don’t know is impossible for you. 

Once Joel came back in, silently shutting the door you were back in your own head. Without even thinking about it, he gracefully pulled your shirt over your head once more, needing broad access to stitch. Your arm resting above your head as Joel coaxed you with warm mumbling every wince or hiss in pain, he noted you more than once glancing back to the door where you had been looking at Ellie’s room. “She needs you more than I think she’s willing to admit.” 

You only nodded mildly, but the guilt gathered in your eyes as Joel continued. “We uh, it wasn’t easy getting to this point.” You knew part of things, how they met, where he was supposed to take her, and what happened along the way to change his mind. It wasn’t until a little before getting to Jackson that Joel struggled to speak on, but you did know what he was asked to do was from the Fireflies. 

“They thought you’d just hand her over and wouldn’t care.” Joel stopped for a second, his bright eyes looking up at you, but you didn’t return it. “They never tell you why they want you. I only ever met them twice once I knew they found out, but they never tried to kill me straight out. They always wanted to drag me across the country. What they wanted from me was useless if I died before they could get it themselves.” 

Joel swallowed heavily, finding his voice wasn’t easy. The waver in his tone, how small it made him appear despite the deep intensity of his tone. “They didn’t tell me what they wanted with her until after I handed her over. Already had to prepped to go on the fucking table like the months I spent with her wouldn’t change a thing. She...I wasn’t going to let that happen.” He focused on your side as he spoke. 

The water was freezing as you dipped your toes into it, never wanting to ask about what happened that day but what you knew now had unwillingly connected a few dots. Tossing some things to the side, Joel rested his palms on your thighs, soothing them up and down. If not for you, then for himself. “The hospital.” 

Joel’s eyes shined with realization, and you almost knew then exactly. It made sense. You knew about that day with Sarah and you knew about that day as well. Ellie covered in blood after god knows what those degenerates wanted to do to her. 

It seemed so weird to you now. You’d only ever known them this way, how unquestioningly the fact of Ellie was his daughter. This protective love that was still forming, both of them navigating their fears. Ellie needing to get used to seeing someone care about her, let alone a father, and not be afraid she’d find herself alone again. 

And Joel grappling with becoming a father again, and your sudden understanding that he was right. He’d do anything to protect his family, and Ellie was his daughter. He wasn’t going to let it happen again. 

“It was you. The hospital in Salt Lake City.” 

Seeing his entire body tense up, you instantly leaned forward, pulling him by the back of his head to rest your foreheads against one another. You had crossed a dangerous border, and it needed to be softened before he let it fester in his mind. His grip on your thighs tightened, as if the feeling was keeping his feet on the ground. He nodded, “Were you-” 

Raking your fingers through his hair, Joel’s eyes shut. His face was so soft in moments like this, and you wanted more of them for him. “I didn’t know until Don told me. He uh-” You gulped, hoping to keep the boiling sickness in your stomach at bay. “He was apparently there that day. He mentioned some father killing a bunch of people to get his daughter out before the doctor could cut into her.” 

The sick feeling only increased. “I didn’t know they had kids. That they just didn’t give a shit about sacrificing a child for whatever they thought was their purpose.” 

It sat strangely with you. The life you had taken, lives you had taken to protect this secret about you. The image of Don, slumped dead on the floor had haunted you more than the memory of him trapping you to die in the first place. 

Did you deserve to live for even a sliver chance of saving a life? You didn’t know. Not for you, and it’s torn you apart for days now. That Joel and Ellie’s lives would be easier if you just let them take out, and you never had brought this to their door. 

But that’s why Joel let you in. That’s why he refused to let you keep this bottled up, he knew what toxicity was consuming you. “She doesn’t know.” You both lifted your heads at the same time, Joel’s hands moving to your waist this time, his thumb stroking back and forth over the sliver of skin below his handy work. “She was already under when it happened.” 

You didn’t need to even say anything. What you thought about it didn’t even matter, because you weren’t the only one with a guilt building up inside of you. Joel’s guilt was a lie, where yours was a regret, but it made you feel all the same. 

“She needs to know eventually. It’s a part of both of you.” 

You cupped his face in your hands, you both knew what was at risk now. This feeling inside of you, would that also be Ellie? The death around her at the expensive of a procedure neither of you knew much about, but was told it was for the greater good. It wasn’t just that though. 

You said it before Joel forced it out, easing his pain. “It’s you lying to her that’ll hurt. She can forgive you for that.” There was a distinct look of distance in your eye, something deeper that even here and now, wasn’t going away. “She’s not the one who has to bear the brunt of what she’s done.” 

Joel’s eyes bore into your own, a whirlwind of thoughts and need in them that he poured into your mouth as he leaned in for a kiss. His hands returning your own gesture and grasping at the sides of your face desperately. He knew it wasn’t him you were talking about, but there was no way to grasp the gravity of how you felt. 

Ellie is young, and was rescued from a fate she didn’t know she would suffer and wasn’t the one who spilt the bloodshed along the way. Joel’s at risk unlike her, he can’t survive what she can, he understands what he might be giving up when he killed those people. 

You can though, and you’re the one who has to face the selfishness of protecting your own life against the slightest possibility of something akin to a cure. Ellie needs to know the truth, but the heavy weight in your chest was something you didn’t want for her. 

Joel’s touch was refreshing, but it didn’t take away the conflict toiling your mind about the what if. A fate you refused to let fall to a child, but couldn’t let go for yourself, the painful truth that you just may be hindering a chance of help. 

Don wasn’t the first person you killed, and he likely wouldn’t be the last. But it had started something unlike any other time. It started a chain reaction of emotions spiralling out of control and you couldn’t catch your breathe long enough to understand them, let alone say what they felt like. You felt more and more worthless. 

Like you were starting to depend too much on others for your own well being, and the constant frustration that you didn’t know why. You haven’t been around people for this long in a few years, and never with a connection like this. How much of this was normal, and how much of it was you burdening Joel with your own interpersonal problems. 

Sometime in between the little bit of sleep you managed to get once back in bed, a sprinkle of rain has grown quietly in strength until how it poured down now. A loud heavy stream with clouds bearing above that darkened the afternoon sky. 

You had found solace in the steady ting of water against the roof. Many things flashing in your mind, but the focus of the repeating water droplets making any of them indistinguishable as you saw less and less of the present and more seeing into the white noise in your head. 

Unbeknownst to you, the amount of time that had passed was enough to draw Ellie over to you as you appeared to be lost in thought, your hand trembling in the air as it hovered above the counter. Interrupting your work in the kitchen with an overtaking buzz of incomprehensible flashes of pain before your eyes. 

It just so happened the very same time she called your name did the faint sound of a distinct click mix together and snapped your out of it. All in one fell swoop did the you turn to look at her, and the knife slipping from your hands, and slicing into the underside of your arm before slamming onto the ground. 

You didn’t really react at first, the sight of the cut now bleeding didn’t even register with pain, but the splatter from the angle of impact left a splatter on the side of the counter and ground that had Ellie shout, but what you couldn’t really tell. 

The only thing that found it’s way through your head was one word. Useless. To be honest the next few seconds you hardly did with any knowledge, as if you were alone once again you moved to clean and cover it, the entire time Ellie beside you, hands hovering trying to find a chance to help you. 

It wasn’t until the stinging surged through your veins at all once when you tightened and closed off the cloth wrapping did you snap out of this automatic state. Ellie finally grabbed you saying your name once more, “Are you-” Her blazing eyes darting to the blood still visible behind the wrappings back to the sharp look you gave her. “What the hell happened?” 

Confusion and panic was all over her expression, and for a second you almost remembered yourself. But over the sound of the pouring rain out heard the distant shouting of a voice that you just couldn’t take right now. 

Later the guilt would set in, but in the moment you felt very little other then the warm burning of your forearm and the constriction of your chest. You couldn’t be here anymore, you had done enough here and the only rational you could come up with was you should leave before being forced too. 

Before you knew it, you were slamming the backdoor with a throw as you took off in the rain. Did you run or was your walk just faster then normal? You couldn’t tell, by the time you found yourself with your back leaning against a tree far off from town did the cold air and even colder rain really cover you entirely did the world come rushing back. 

You leaned your head forward, closing your eyes as your chest heaved to catch your breathe. The time of year and the rain made your hands stiff with a brisk coolness that shouldn’t have felt good. But you didn’t really care. You found yourself sliding down the length of the tree trunk, and sat with your knees bent in front of you. 

With a thonk, your head fell back to rest on the bark. The water soaked the bandage on your arm and you figured it didn’t really matter. It was rain water, nothing dirty or festering with bacteria to make it worse, so you left it uncovered. 

For a while you sat there, arm hovering beside you as you stared into the red. You had never felt this way from killing before, not for killing a man who tried to kill you first. What Joel told you meant nothing. Just something to calm you down enough to shut up and go back to sleep. He didn’t want to carry your issues and he shouldn’t, anyways. 

Being back on your own felt daunting. A knowing silence that you long forgotten over just months, creeping back to mock you with it’s isolation. You had little understanding of how a relationship was even supposed to work. 

Every step of the way with Joel you were guessing. You had hid your immunity from him, because you knew only conflict would follow and look what happened. It was unspoken even to yourself how you felt about Joel. 

Something you didn’t know or understand blossoming into a deep emotion that you did in fact have a name for, but a wonder if Joel would return it now was wrapping itself around your throat as it suffocated you to thinking he’d throw you out for who you were. 

The sky had grown more dim as the clouds moved on, yet the rain didn’t let up. Moving suddenly you pulled the lighter out of your pocket once more. This time you didn’t taunt yourself with the metallic clink of it’s open and close.  You turned it in your hand, eyes a blank vacant stare towards it. 

It meant nothing anymore. What happened that day happened, and it doesn’t matter if you hold onto it. Don’s still rotting on a wooden floor next to the corpses of creatures you couldn’t become, and you would always have to face that. Face that your own mortality was dependant on refusing to give it up for a rebel group to cut into looking for the answer to a question they don’t even understand. 

Your jaw clenching as you felt the digging of your teeth into your cheek, maybe that was the fate you deserved, just not one you wanted for the only other girl you’d ever known as also like you. 

Pushing up from the tree, you leaned forward enough to throw the lighter with a grunt. Watching it disappear into the treeline before your head fell into your arms now resting on your knees. 

“Not a bad throw for sitting down.” 

You damn near jumped out of your skin. Head whipping to the side to see Joel sitting beside you. The man was too sneaky for his own good sometimes. To the side of him, Ellie stood against another tree at a good enough angle to see both of you. 

“How the hell does a man your size get around without anyone noticing?” Joel didn’t laugh but it got a smirk out of Ellie. 

“I swear he uses it just to sneak up on me when I start slacking.” You both chuckled quietly at one another, their calm and cavalier attitude putting you at a strange ease without effort. 

The deep rumble of Joel’s voice sat snugly into your ear, “Let me see it.” 

Your head lulled to the side to watch as he gently grasped your arm, pulling the soaked wrappings away enough to inspect the slash. His face wasn’t in view but Ellie’s was. The sudden panic earlier now replaced with a stoic look you knew spoke volumes more than she wanted it too. Eyes squinting to see it without having the nerve to come closer. 

“Needs to be re wrapped now obviously, but it looks good.” The lack of a disappointment in his tone sent you right back into the ever annoying world of confusion. 

You wanted to bite back with tone, try and prove yourself, but exhaustion and defeat was all the muttered out. “Used to do it all the time when I travelled by myself. Good to know it’ll come in handy again now, I guess.” 

Joel didn’t let go of you but his grip tightened somewhat. “Like hell you’re going anywhere.” 

You tried yanking your arm out of his hand, but his strength was as stubborn as his personality. His name slipped out in protest, but he turned to look at you more direct, the view of Ellie side stepping to change her view in the corner of your eye. 

“Hey. I need you to sit here, and just listen to me.” Sensing a hesitation, he pulled you in closer with a furrowed brow and eyes burning into yours. “Just let me say what I need to say before anything else. Okay?” 

You nodded your head yes. His grip softened in your arm, and the feeling of this thumb trailing over your skin soothed the fading sting. 

“We’re not here to change your mind, but we want you to. Whether you can accept it or not, you’re family now. And a family protects the ones they love, period.” His fingers grazed your cheek enough to turn you more to face him. “You try to do everything to prove yourself at every goddamn turn, worried if you even say you need help that’s some sign of weakness. That’s just not the case, sweetheart. You’re allowed to need us, you should need us sometimes, because,” 

The half a second pause let Ellie finish his sentence. “Because we need you.” 

Fingers sliding from your cheek, Joel still held onto your arm gently as you looked up at Ellie, the stoic slipping down with the rainfall. There was a waver overpowering the noise of the slowing water. “You don’t get to just walk out, just leave us here because you don’t think we care. You just can’t do that.” 

She never spoke about this fear of abandonment that festers inside. Likely hardly knew it still existed after almost being dumped as Tommy’s problem when Joel got too scared of caring about her. Now it wasn’t just him she worried about walking out of her life. 

Shoulders sagging slightly as the tension washed off, your mouth parted as your eyes met ones threatening to cry. This time Joel let your arm go, as he watched your reach begin to reach them out to Ellie. Only to be thrown backward into the trunk once more as she lunged into your chest. 

The hug didn’t last long, but she squeezed with desperation, as you leaned your head into hers. Suddenly being pulled back at the gentle behest of Joel, “Watch her side.” 

He was now leaning forward, replacing your hands on her with his. One of his own softly cupping the side of her face with an intensity that only could be read as a reassurance. Wiping her eyes before looking at you, she swiped some excess from her forehead in a thinly veiled act as if it was just the rain.

All three of you knew better. Ellie sat back on her heels, her emotional outburst not something she meant to explode on you with. You winced as you got up slightly on your knees to run your hand over her hair, you could feel Joel’s hands guiding you up, “Easy.” 

The grumpy almost glare on her face reminded you of the man next to you. Clearly that was a learned trait of hers, not a hereditary one. Sucking in a deep breathe, you found it in yourself to stop being so afraid to just say what you felt. “I’ve done a lot of hard things to protect my own life over the years, a lot of shit that cost other people theirs. Some of it to get out of the most terrifying shit I’ve ever seen.”

Her eyes peering over to you with a stark understanding. You knew about that day, the vivid description of fear Joel felt seeing her with that horrific expression and a face covered in blood. 

“But doing it because of what I am, when people who about it and only want your life for it, that’s a kind of guilt I don’t want for you. The kind of guilt I don’t understand and I don’t know if I ever will. But-” You took a deep breathe and moved to hold the other side of her face. “But you don’t deserve to do it, any of this, alone. And I’m sorry for trying to force you otherwise.” 

Ellie nodded, a little too much as she compensated for a stirring of emotion she tried to hold together. All she could get out as a question forcing as little upset as possible, “You’re coming home...right?” 

Honestly? It was sweet. Never once has she called your home anything but the place she shared with Joel. You may not know about the amount of times she debates with the man about getting him to just ask you to live there permanently, but you were beginning to feel the sentiment. “Yeah...I am. Can’t miss seeing how many more times you can possibly fail at guitar before you start learning anything, afterall.” 

There it was, with a roll of her eyes the toiling anxiety left her in favour of a huffing annoyance. Pushing up onto her feet she mumbled, “Everyone’s got something to say don’t they?” 

You and Joel joined her, his arms supporting you as you stood trying not to let a hiss come out with the wince from your side. Before you could start to follow, Joel stepped in front of you with a hand still on your waist. “Wait here a minute, will you?” 

You nodded, and watched him pull Ellie over to the side in a conversation to quiet to hear even in the slowing rainfall. Your eyes distracted themselves with the dark leaves now encased in water with your arms wrapped around your front. Relationships confused you. 

Speaking of which, you were turned around to face Joel his hand on your hip and the other tilting your chin up to his height. Just as you expected, he didn’t beat around the bush. Just skipping straight to the point. “Anytime something’s almost happened to you, I can barley manage to do anything before you end it all yourself.” Deep brown eyes deep into yours. 

“It doesn’t exactly feel that way.” Hands without your permission, begin to find their way onto him. Not brave enough to settle anywhere you typically loved to hold, but palms lightly resting close to his stomach. 

Joel shook his head, eyes bright still and a half smirk forming before he pulled your chin close and captured your lips with his. Pulling you in by your hip he deepened the kiss with a trace of his tongue exploring your mouth. Separating you just as you yearned to reciprocate. 

Giving a full smile nearing adoration at the sight of your still closed eyes before you regained your senses. “You sure you don’t need glasses?” Your eyebrows raised in a total confused look and he only chuckled in response at it. “Because you are so fucking blind sometimes.” 

The warmth in your heart eased from painful to much more relaxing. “I’m still not used to this.” Your hands now closer to a usual spot near his collarbones. “Felling like I depend on someone they way I do you. Worried it makes me just a burden on top of everything you got.” 

Kissing your nose, Joel leans in as his mouth teases yours as his words brush against them. “Good. I want you to depend on me sometimes, sweetheart. I sure as hell depend on you. Ellie had to be the one to calm me down when I walked in and saw some blood on the floor and the knife. I damn well knew wasn’t hers.” 

His fingers left your chin and pulled you in by the back of your head, this time pulling your hips so your front pressed into his as much as it could before pulling away just as quick. Resting his forehead to yours. “We’re family. We depend on each other, and don’t think for a second I think less of you because you need me sometimes. I’d sure as hell need you if you left.”

Shaking his head he kissed you once more just as you tried to let out an apology, and pulled away just enough “Don’t be.” Before resuming the kiss. 

As easy it was for you to fall into his touch, Joel was just as weak. Your lips holding love instead of a panicked urgency the other night, your arms winding around his neck to rake gently through the hair you could reach. 

He didn’t really think about it much as he moved you backwards until your back was pushed up against a tree. The collide against the surface sparked something inside him. It wasn’t the time nor the place for this, but too much had happened. It wasn’t just your head that was storming with difficult, painful emotions.

His kiss all consuming, tongue demanding he explore yours as much as he raved, and only pulling way to bite at your lips before starting the process all over again. You had put him through enough, but maybe he deserved a different kind of apology than being left behind. 

The second your hands reached the top of his jeans, a needy groan fell from his lips as he changed directions to your neck. His teeth marking it up and down as he soothed each one with a kiss and brush of his tongue. The gentleness doing little good as his ravenous urge to mark you up also traced your skin with his facial hair, leaving a redness on his the harder he bit. 

He mumbled into your neck as he felt you undoing his belt, “Fuck, sweetheart, you don’t-”  only to be cut off with a moan as you kissed your way up to his ear trailing a path along his neck as well. 

“Let me take care of you. For once.” Before kissing the skin just under his ear as you undid the zipper. He leaned into your body as his grip on you no doubt would brighten the fingertip shaped bruises he already left before. 

Tugging his jeans just down enough to reach your hand inside your palm brushed against the coarse hair above his cock. Joel captured your lips once more with a bite right off the bat. Grinding his hips forward as you teased your way down with your fingers along the length of his cock. You didn’t have much room, so you traced the thick length down, down, down until you found his tip, stroking over it with a feather like touch. 

Joel knew you didn’t have enough room and separated from your lips. Eyes blasting dark and lustful, he raked his eyes up and down your body before snatching your hands, fingers joined together and raised them above your head. “You going to be good?” 

A nod was all he needed, to undo your own pants and yank them halfway down your thighs with one strong tug. Hardly giving himself the pleasure of looking at your bareness, he pushed himself back into you as kissed you. Wasting no time as his hand roughly cupped and squeezed your mound. 

Smirking at your gasp, the fingers just reaching your entrance teased dipping in before caressing just around where he wanted. The palm of his hand rubbed against your clit roughly until the sensitive bundle had you trembling against him. 

When he could take his time with you, Joel would take however long he desired to work you over, open you up and ease you into everything. But now, the warmth and growing wetness made him impatient. In one go he thrusted two thick fingers inside of you, eliciting a gasp of his name as your arms fell down to his shoulders, fisting the fabric there with no remorse for his earlier command. 

One of his hands reached for your throat, not restricting it, not even encompassing it, just holding the side of your throat firmly to rub his thumb over the length down to the top of your chest and back up. “Can never fucking listen to me, why do you make me do this, baby?” 

His only punishment though, was to thrust into you in tandem with the grinding of his palm into your clit. His fingers seeking the golden spot inside of you and smiling against your skin when you moaned out, hips writhing into his hand. Punishments to Joel meant nothing more than overwhelming you with pleasure.

The coiling in your stomach grew with how wet his thick fingers made you as they slid in and out. The sound of it even heard over the existing rain. But you wanted to make him feel good first, so you’d just have to disobey him a little more to treat him to it. Your hands on his shoulders moved to quick for him to catch it, grabbing at his jeans and pulling them down just enough to pull his cock out. 

One hand jumped right in, gathering what was already spilling from his tip and stroking it up and down his length, the other sneaking just a bit more and gently cupping his balls. It was Joel who writhed this time, “Fuck, you-” 

You stopped him with a kiss, pulling back just slightly as your hand slid up and down his length slowly, knowing how much it made his cock buzz with need, the other ever so slightly keeping his balls in your hand as you pulled your head back to lean against the tree. “This is supposed to be about you, let me help you, okay?” 

His jaw clenched as one hand left him, the other now just holding his cock firmly as you dragged his hand slowly away from you, letting the wetness on his fingers trail up your chest, holding it just above your tits and your other pulling his cock just enough between your legs. 

Not letting him in, but between your thighs. His eyes weren’t weak or even a hint of willing to give you control, but he still let you tease him just for now. Dragging his cock just enough to not slide inside you, but coating him with you. 

His head looking down to your hold, seeing his cock shining more as it was dragged between your wet folds. Only pulling it away enough to press his hip up against your clit as you continued to stroke his cock. Much easier now, the wet sound almost matching up to what he pulled from you. Only granting you his length, Joel moved a hand to reach behind and grasp your ass tight, and pulling your hips in more, forcing your clit to press up against the tip of his cock. 

His hold on your ass let him lift you onto your toes and increase the pressure on your clit and the whimpers that followed were music. Never really giving you control, he pushed his tip into you and pulled back. Never leaving your clit but easing and increasing the pressure against it. 

You wanted to focus on stroking his cock, but his other hand on your ass took control. The sensation of his fingers tapping along to the middle, and dragging down before stopping just against where he knows no one has ever touched you. 

You gasped his name, but he grinded himself into you more. “Shhh, I got you, sweet girl. You’re okay.” Not quite touching, but hovering over it until you felt you nod against him. “Out loud, baby, please.” Not a demand, but a soft beg of permission. 

You nodded with your words this time, “Anything, fuck, anything you want, please just-fuck”, his other hand had overtaken his cock, pressing yours against his hip beside as he dragged his cock from your clit down to your entrance, and back up to continue rubbing it against you, and then dragging back down to slick his cock up more. 

If you asked him later, Joel couldn’t tell you what was consuming him right now. He had almost lost you, and how you had the audacity to think he wanted you to leave. It made him almost angry. A burning sensation spreading from his chest all through his limbs. It was something akin to possessive, and he wanted to be easier on you. Ease you into something Joel hadn’t even thought about doing until this very moment. But it was the only thought he could focus on that wouldn’t send him back to memories of blood. So he lost himself in something he didn’t quite understand.

He was gentle behind you, very gentle. A tiny whimper leaving you as his index finger just rested against you, giving the same tiny rubs that he rubbed his tip into your clit with. Your body slightly tense, he only wanted you to feel relaxed. So he kissed you once more, not sparing any time as he opened your mouth up to let him in, keeping you only focused on his touch.

You gasped into his mouth, but Joel recognized that needy pleasure without failure. Joel never pushed his fingers inside, just pressed against you with occasional gentle caresses of the skin around it as if he needed to feel how much you leaned your body into him, or the sounds the teasing pulled from you. Your hands on him dragged all over but you whimpered in need, his name, and a please for more. 

His cock now sat heavy against your entrance, threatening to push in if he pulled back enough. But his other hand kept a slow rub. He knew your body scarily well, knowing that if he stopped or slowed too much, that you’d tense up on him, always just on the edge of nervous if he pushed you just a little more. 

Always afraid you’d disappoint him somehow no matter how much it frustrated Joel that you couldn’t stop thinking that.

His touch slid back and forth from teasing just outside of you, to a soft knead of the rest of your ass or hip. Not tight, not aggressive, almost soothing. For you, it enough that you leaned forward into his chest, head on his shoulder with one hand raking through his hair. His cock dragged back a bit, and he eased the tip of his cock barley inside you. “Look at me, sweet girl.” 

You expected him to be cool and collected, but he was anything but. His eyes dark and blazing with need, his mouth parted sightly and breathing heavy enough you felt it on your cheek. “This-” The stoke pulled a difficult gasp from you, but it was so much, too much but you didn’t want him to stop. You’d beg for more if you thought he’d give it to you but you still tried to explain yourself. “I wanted to make you feel good.” 

His teeth clenched as he lid just an inch more of his cock into you, his pace slow as he treasured how well you fit him. “This right here,” once again raking his eyes down you and back up. “You make me feel good.” 

Just as his cock slid inside you with a soaked ease, your arms wrapped around his neck as he swore out himself. His cock was always so thick, and it filled you so deeply, but something about this moment weighed on your heart much heavier than ever before. 

Joel dragged his cock in and out of you so much that he threatened to slip out every time, his finger no longer teasing your ass, but keeping himself his large hand splayed over the skin of your cheeks he could reach. 

The slower pace didn’t pick up, but when he was as deep he could be inside you, Joel would pull out of you less and less. You pulled both sides of his face into you to kiss him. 

It was just as deep as everything else he was inside of you, but not fast, not aggressive. He tasted your mouth just as slowly and intimately as his cock slid in and out of your warm walls. His thrusts never sped up, and you never asked him too. 

Neither of you kept track how long he has you pressed up against the tree, but it was long enough that the sky turned darker as the sun started to go down and the rain had stopped all together. 

Joel’s slow pace dragging right up against your walls, and the every present pressure of his finger deep inside of you, your orgasm built slower this time, but it made your body tingle so much more and you felt desperate at that point. 

“Let me have it sweet girl, I want it baby, fuck I want it, you’re so close,” You clenched against his cock and his name fell from your lips, your walls tight around the thick length, your entire body arched in pleasure as he slowly thrusted still, never stopping just sliding in and out of you to drag you along as much as possible. Everything inside of you bursting at once, all you could do was hold on to him.

His hold on your ass and hip tightened, his pace increased as he chased his own orgasm. The feeling of you in such an overwhelming way took over him as he sped up every thrust until he pace had his skin slapped more steady against yours. The sound of your skin against his mixed with the how much he could hear how wet you were around his cock kept his pace faster. Every thrust bringing the sounds to his ears and it didn’t take long until he lost himself. 

His teeth clenched and your nails raking through his hair, he pounded a few quick thrusts into you as his orgasm let go with your sweet voice in his ear, and your other hand reaching down to grasp one of his own ass cheeks, just enough to push his hips to sink into you faster. 

He fucked you at that pace as he came. He couldn’t not. Last night and now were the only times he’s ever came inside of you and Joel couldn’t tell you why. There was a feral part of his brain that became possessed at how well you let him fuck you. He thought he should have felt bad. He wasn’t actually a possessive man, but there was an unspoken intensity that overrode a part of his brain and left a desperation in it’s wake.

He spilled into you, more and more cum leaving as he kept fucking up into you needing that feeling those sounds as now the wetness mixed with his cum. You moved your hand up to his waist with gentle squeezes as he finally slowed down almost instantly. 

Panting, he looked to where he slid in and out of you, seeing with each pull how absolutely coated his cock was. Glistening from you, and covered white with his own cum and slowly pushed it back into you a few times before he stopped. 

You gently pressed your lips against his, everything about you felt weak now, but your sanity felt tied to his touch. Joel slowly eased out of you completely, having to look up at your face instead of his cum soaked cock. The tip of his nose rubbed along yours and each of you reached for each other. You tucking him back and doing his jeans and belt back up as he pulled your pants back and rubbed at the skin of your hips he could see from your raised shirt. 

Neither of you could say it yet, today was too much, this entire week had been too much. But Joel wasn’t in any doubt. “We work together from now on, you’ve got me, and I’ve got you. That’s all there is too it, sweetheart.” 

Maybe it’d get easier with time, your brain was quieter then it had been since a week ago that day, and put the pain at ease, filled only with here and now, and who you have. Guess Joel and Ellie weren’t about to let you go anytime soon, so you’d just have to repay the favour. 

You had plenty to work on but you at least had a new flicker of hope that having what could be a family might make it easier to do. You decided not to think about what Ellie didn’t know. Only time would get them there, and at least he had you. 

Joel knew he couldn’t keep it from her forever, not did he want to. Maybe in another universe he’d keep it so long she’d find out on her own, and that would tear her away from him more then Joel could bare, but he had you, and you understood not just how he felt about it, but you knew exactly how she felt about it too.

You all had each other and maybe he could make it through when that day comes together. 

Ellie was his daughter now, and you helped remind him of how much that means to him. He had been holding back for a while not to say it to you. 

It damn near slipped from his mouth the second he lost himself as you came around him. But it wasn’t time, the words meant everything to him, but he suspected they weren’t something anyone has ever said to you in your life. Even before hand, knowing enough about your previous life only made him more careful. Not to say it too fast or at the wrong moment, and to make sure you felt safe and belonging in this family you were all creating together. 

As you both made your way back, Joel stopped in place at one point, grabbing you by the hip and turning you to him. He rubbed right below your side as his heart melted at the softest you have looked in days. “You know....right?” 

Maybe Joel was along the same lines as you, you realized. Your shoulders rose as you took a deep breathe, taking a step forward. Your hand rubbing along the scruff on his cheek as you gave a tiny chaste kiss, only giving him a nod. 

That’s all that was needed for right now. He knew this turmoil inside of you wasn’t gone, but maybe now you’d let him support you in whatever way he could. He knew all to well what letting that pain build up for too long could do to you. It wasn’t something he wanted for anyone.

Joel smiled, and wrapped an arm around you, turning you forward once again to go home. Gracing the top of your head with a kiss, there was another burning question he just couldn’t stop in time from slipping out. “If I ask you to just hurry up and move in already, is that gonna be too much for one day?” 

This time you stopped in your tracks, but only long enough to drop your head in a breathe that turned into a laugh. You leaned into his touch. “I’ve got nothing left at my house that I need. Would be a pain to make you bring it all back there now, wouldn’t it?” 

“Why would I be the one having to do all the work?” The smirk on your lips all he got back.

You didn’t need to look at him to see his face flat and his eyes roll on cue. “Still got a long way to go with that attitude don’t we?” What you also didn’t need to see to know about was the double meaning to his words. This was more than just about teasing, or the physical part. What happened that day and now meant something more than just a few minor incidents to all three of you.

You’re not sure if you’ve ever seen Joel today the way he was, but maybe it was your fault for letting it build up to this. You knew it wasn’t just Joel pushing your limits for the sake of it. No, tonight was something new for both of you in a much more desperate emotional way. Like he needed you as close as possible and he worked you weak enough to let him. 

Sex wasn’t casual for you, and you were lucky Joel didn’t treat it as such. You didn’t know what to say a lot of the time, but he could read your touch like a book and you hoped he knew it was the same for you. Today wasn’t the right time or place, but it was the only thing that grounded you and Joel to the present in almost a week.

It was easier to express things through touch with him sometimes because of that. You both can struggle to open up, and almost losing you, only to have to sit back and watch not knowing how you would wake up. You can’t imagine what that felt like for him, and you’re not sure you want to. 

Having something akin to family was unusual, and would take some getting used to going forward. The pain, the memories, the demons toiling in you were still there. This feeling wasn’t going to go away, but maybe now it wouldn’t destroy you for it. 

Joel made it clear you can rely on him to be there for you, and you had a feeling he was going to need you in just a matter of time. He’s strong on his own, but you can only handle so much on the inside. 

Neither of you knew though, exactly what about that past day would come looking for him. 

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #pedro pascal x reader

[nexysworld]

Hello!

I hope it’s ok for me to request this (and sorry if my English is not well)😭👉👈

Can I request for Leon and his girlfriend/wife being on a mission together (maybe during re4r, vendetta or re6) and during the mission reader finds out she’s pregnant with Leon’s kid. She’s maybe reluctant on telling him because it might jeopardize the mission or put more weight on Leon’s shoulders, but eventually tells him.

Leon is truly over the moon with the news but at the same time worried since they’re on the mission and was about to call Hunnigan to get her to safety. but girlfriend/wife refuses to abort the mission and leave Leon.

the angst and overprotective and soon to be father leon >u< pls

Thanks so much for the request! The plot for this one actually got away from me more than expected so it's not quite as angsty as I had planned. I had most of it written already so I didn't want to scrap it tho. I hope you like it anyway - I might just redo this one in the future because I like the prompt so much and think I could do it more justice - especially expanding more on Leon's internal feelings. ~ Expectations to Keep Going ~ Read on AO3 🖤 Requests are Open 🖤 Masterlist Pairing: Fem!Reader x Vendetta!Leon Tags: Fluff, Angst, Comfort, Unplanned Pregnancy Word Count: 2.2k

You paced back and forth in the living room of your once-shared apartment. 60 seconds felt like 60 minutes as you watched the timer slowing ticking down, heart racing. With a shaky hand you picked up the stick and to your dismay saw the little + indicating it was positive. “For fuck’s sake, this can’t be happening right now.” Ever have one of those moments where you say ‘at least it can’t get worse.’ Well, this was the universe’s way of reminding you that things can always get worse. 

Leon had walked out on you. He didn’t explicitly say the relationship was over, but he didn’t really need to. He’d shown up drunk, shoving everything he owned into a suitcase, and disappeared on what he called his ‘vacation.’ Except that vacation had lasted weeks now, with not so much as a phone call home. When you attempted to contact him, same thing, radio silence.

You tried remaining calm, knowing what had happened on his most recent mission. You just told yourself he needed time, but with each passing week the feeling that things were over kept washing over you. 

You weren’t one to wallow, freak out, or really deal with your feelings in general. So you did the only thing you knew to cope, you threw yourself into work. Mission after mission, clearing them as fast as you could – that was until weird stuff began happening. Fatigue was the first thing you noticed. You were always tired no matter how much sleep you got. Then came the nausea. Your skin had even begun to break out, your breasts were sore. It was like PMS cranked up to the max – except no period. That in of itself hadn’t been alarming since you didn’t really get one on birth control, the other symptoms though? They had freaked you out, leading you to this moment right now, standing alone in your apartment, positive pregnancy test in hand. 

“I can’t deal with this.” You said to yourself, slumping back onto the couch. Luckily for you, your phone rang. “Redfield? Yeah…yeah…No, I don’t know where he is…yeah, I can help.” 

A mission. Relief flooded through you. Was it a good idea to accept it considering your current condition? Probably not. But a mission would make a great distraction right about now. Besides, with enough willpower, you were sure you could overcome any symptoms for at least a few days, especially if the fate of the world was at stake, right?

That’s the plan. Save the world again and afterward, you’d figure out what to do. 

Your heart stopped when you saw him at the table chugging down another glass of alcohol. He didn’t look great, and he didn’t look happy to see you or the two companions who’d followed. His normally clean-shaven face was now scruffy, the bags under his eyes intensifying the steely blue even more - his hair was dark and greasy. This wasn’t your Leon. You would’ve been happier to not have seen him like this, but Chris and Rebecca insisted on locating him. “Cancel that!” Chris shouted when Leon attempted to order another glass. Leon instantly pulled out a flask from his back pocket with a smirk – of course, he had a backup. It honestly would’ve been funny and so very Leon if the context of the situation didn’t have you feeling so awful. Leon hadn’t acknowledged you once, and you hadn’t tried to speak. What could you possibly say? Now wasn’t the time to talk about your broken relationship or the other elephant in the room - he looked so broken down. “I never plan that far ahead anymore.” He slurred to Chris. “There’s no point. There’s always some new bad guy to fight. My life is just a vicious loop. So what’s the point in thinking about the future?”

Ouch .

Those words definitely stung, adding to the growing barrier between the two of you. Now a new worry bubbled in you that if you did tell him, it would be too much. That would be the thing that sent him spiraling over the edge he was already teetering - you couldn’t do that. Not to him, not to yourself. No. This was something you would need to deal with alone . 

This was a mission. You were a professional. That’s all that mattered right now – let everything else go. Following through on that was hard. Much harder than expected, especially now that you’d found yourself alone with Leon, separated from Chris, and Rebecca abducted.

Nausea had come back in full force, this was the third time you found yourself making him stop his bike so you could lurch behind a dumpster to spill stomach acid and spit. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” “I’m fine.” You assured standing up. You knew he wasn’t buying it, even a half-sober Leon still remained a great agent, sharp as ever. Moodier than usual - even if you hardly spoke. Slower than usual - almost getting mowed down by the Gatling gun in the hotel. You almost never got sick - now you’d spilled your guts several times. Something was definitely up, and he didn’t need to accuse you for you to see the suspicion on his face. Not to mention how he’d been hovering over you like an overprotective guard dog ever since the attack at the hotel.

Guilt. Guilt is what you felt when he looked at you. He was worried about you and you had the truth of what was wrong kept caged behind closed lips. You took in a few deep breaths to help ease your sour stomach - it doesn’t work and you’re in tears now as more gagged coughs are ripped from your throat. A comforting hand rubs your back as a bottle of water is placed in front of you, not bothering to question where he’d gotten it. Greedily you downed the entire thing, using the last sip to swish the terrible flavor from your mouth. “Were you bitten?” 

You shot him a glance of horror. “No! Of course not.” “Then tell me what’s really going on.” “I’m fine.” “You’re obviously not fine.” “Well of course I’m not fine. I’m stuck alone on a mission with the guy who walked out on me after 10 years together. Now can we go?” You don’t know why you said that, your mood just kept ping-ponging through different emotions. You guessed this time it just landed on anger. When his hand was on your back you wanted to cry from the comforting touch, but now that you had to stand and look at his face you were annoyed. This wasn’t the time or place. You knew that, you’d reminded yourself of it several times, and yet emotions were getting the better of you. Damn these stupid hormones. His brows came together in thought and confusion, you really weren’t acting like yourself. “That’s not what I’m talking about.” He finally responded. “I know. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have – “ “No, I deserved that. I’m surprised you didn’t come into the hotel swinging, honestly, I wouldn’t have blamed you. It was shitty how I left.” It wasn’t an apology, but the acknowledgment definitely helped a little. 

The two of you stood there awkwardly for a while. Leon had radioed Chris for a status report, his team had breached the building and were on a steady path of clearing out the enemy. It bought you and Leon a little more time to continue your awkward stand-off. He brought his gaze to meet yours again. “Look, I know I don’t deserve to know what’s going on with you. I get it. But at least for the sake of the mission, tell me what’s wrong physically. If we need a medic–” “I’m pregnant.” You didn’t know what possessed you to say it after you’d spent the entire time telling yourself that you couldn’t - no - shouldn’t. It was probably the fact you couldn’t stand the way he was looking at you anymore. But there it was, the truth slipped right out.

“What.” “I’m pregnant.” “I don’t understand.” You’d never seen such a stupefied look on him before. It was like you had just spoken in tongues, for some reason that irritated you. You finally confess your big secret in the middle of a super important mission, and that’s all he had to say? “What don’t you understand? I’m pregnant and it’s yours. You got me pregnant. I am pregnant with your baby. You put your –” You were cut off by your own crying, feeling every emotion simultaneously, the tears continued to spill against your will. Damn. Damn. DAMN these stupid hormones. 

“Ok. Ok. I get it, calm down.” He put his hands out defensively as he walked towards you, caging you against the wall. “I can’t!” You shouted. Leon pressed your foreheads together, snaking his arms behind you into a hug. He didn’t say anything, just held you tightly for a few moments letting you sob it out. Once the waterfall of tears was reduced to some hiccups and sniffling, he began to rub soothing circles into your lower back. You dared to glance up at him through wet lashes, there was an unmistakable smile plastered to his face. “It would be just like you to distract yourself from huge news with work. But you shouldn’t be here if you’re pregnant. Let me call Hunnigan, we can have a ‘copter sent in to pick you up.” “No!” You brought your hands up to push him away from you, shaking your head. “No, I am not abandoning this mission. Chris needed my help to unlock the building’s computer systems so they can collect the virus’ information. I’m not going anywhere - wait - why are you smiling like that?” His gleeful look didn’t waver. “Sweetheart…you’re asking me why I’m smiling? Obviously, because I’m happy.” “What?” “I’m happy? You told me I’m going to be a father. There’s going to be a little ankle-biting Kennedy running around. I’m happy! Not quite as happy you knew and came here anyway. I guess that’s my own fault though.” “I don’t understand. You left me. You literally said there was no point in planning for a future.” It was your turn to look absolutely stunned, it was so far from the reaction you had expected it almost gave you whiplash. He reached out and grabbed your hand, squeezing it assuringly. “Yeah, I was wallowing in some deep self-pity. But seeing you almost get killed in the hotel was a sobering reminder of what I can’t afford to lose. Hearing that I’m going to be a father? That doubles it for me. I realized I was looking at things the wrong way. I know I’ll always be running headfirst into danger, but maybe having a future to look forward to is the motivation I need to stay alive while I do it. Wait are you seriously –oh, come on Honey don’t start crying again.” He sighed pulling you close. “I’m calling Hunnigan and getting you out of here.” “No! I have to complete the mission. Just give me a minute.” Your words lacked the bite you intended. “Look, I think I’d already flop at this whole fatherhood thing if I let the mother of my baby get hurt or killed on day 1.” Leon pressed a few soft kisses on your forehead and wet cheeks before finally connecting your lips together. He tasted like alcohol masked with mint and the short hairs on his face scratched you, but it was still comforting. “Let’s negotiate then.” You offered. “This isn’t the time for that. You’re jeopardizing the mission and you could get killed, it’s not safe.” His tone was caring, but stern now. “Look. I know it was stupid of me to take this on while pregnant. You’re right it was a distraction and I thought I could handle it better. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m the only one who can get into those systems.” You managed to finally get the tears to stop, rubbing your eyes dry and raw. You could see he still wasn’t fully convinced. “Leon, there isn’t going to be a future for our baby if we can’t stop this. Please.” “Fine. But only if you promise to stay on the defensive and avoid action as much as possible. Do as I tell you to and let me handle any enemies that his team may have missed.” “Come on Leon, I can handle–” “No. We do things my way or I’m calling Hunnigan and you’re leaving.” You were annoyed despite knowing he was right. You would’ve argued further but the look of worry on his face shut you up instantly. “Alright. Alright. I’ll follow your lead, promise.” 

“Good, and Baby?” “Yeah?” “No more missions for a while. Got it?” “Deal.” You shook his hand as if it were a business meeting, rewarding you with a laugh on his part. He captured you in one more quick kiss before leading you over to his bike, both steeling yourselves back into your professional personas. You hopped onto the back, wrapping your arms around him tightly as he took off in the direction of the building to get the remainder of the mission over with. 

#leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy x y/n #leon s kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy x you #leon s kennedy x y/n #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #leon scott kennedy #vendetta!leon #Resident Evil #Resident Evil Vendetta #Resident Evil Fanfiction #Fanfiction #Reader Insert #x reader #Female reader #Fem!Reader #Anon #Ask #Requests

[drewharrisonwriter]

On the Mend - Ch 1: Not Today

No Outbreak Joel Miller x Female Reader

Read this on AO3 | Masterlist

Summary: You were having a really, really bad day in the midst of the scorching Austin summer, and seeing your ex boyfriend, Joel Miller, is the last thing you need.

Word count: 829

A/N: (EDIT 09/17/2023) Okay so I heard ya'll! LMAO and decided to turn this into a mini-series. Not sure exactly how things will play out for these two, but I've written a part 2 and decided to call this mini-series On the Mend. LOL hope you like it. This is a one-shot for now, not sure if and how to continue this. I just got this idea recently and wanted to write it.

The merciless sun bore down as she parked her car. The Austin summer had been relentless, and today, it seemed as if even the universe was conspiring against her. 

It had been a thoroughly miserable day. Work had been a disaster; she'd spent hours redoing half of a project her co-worker had botched because she was still hungover from the previous night. 

The Texas summer heat, relentless and unforgiving, only added to her misery. As if fate had a personal grudge against her, she realized she'd left her house keys on her office desk when she was already halfway home. 

She sighed in defeat and turned her car around to retrieve them. All of this was compounded by her lingering morning sickness, a term she found deceptive as it had resurfaced with a vengeance upon entering her third trimester. She had naively believed she had bid it farewell for good when she'd crossed into the second trimester.

"Whoever called it morning sickness should be shot for lying," she grumbled, attempting to quell the rising nausea that threatened to surface.

Dressed in biker shorts and an oversized t-shirt she kept in her car for emergencies, she got out and beelined to the frozen aisle for a popsicle stick and savored the brief respite offered by the melting ice cold treat.

She sighed in relief and grabbed a pushcart. Her only mission in the store was to grab some Oreos, pickles, and frozen pizza to satisfy her cravings that were so intense, she literally cried in the car on her way over. 

As she rounded a corner in the store, she was suddenly face to face with the last person she wanted to see: Joel Miller. 

Great. She thought to herself. Couldn't have been on a better day. 

Ah, Joel fucking Miller.

The man who had once been the love of her life.

The same man who had taken her on the most memorable first date she'd ever experienced, and had filled the past five years of her life with the kind of joy she'd never known before.

But this was also the man who made it clear to her months ago, after five whole years of being together and living together for three, that he has no plans of marrying her and having a family with her. 

She and Joel were arguing at the time when he said it. 

--

In the midst of their emotional clash, she couldn't help but speak her mind, her frustration boiling over. 

"Joel," she began, her voice trembling with pent-up feelings, "if you get mad at every damn little thing, what's going to happen if we were married? That's not the life I want, and it's not the husband I need."

Joel's eyes flashed with anger as he retorted, "Of course it’s not! And who told you I was going to marry you?" His words cut like a knife, and she felt her heart shatter into pieces. 

"We never talked about it, what put the idea into your head?" he continued, his tone harsh and unyielding. 

Her jaw went slack in shock, as tears welled up in her eyes as she choked back her emotions. 

"But I thought we--," she whispered, her voice barely audible, she couldn't even continue her thoughts when Joel cut her off.

"No." He barked. "You knew from the start that Sarah is my priority. Always was and always will be. I'm not going through the whole marriage thing again." And have our hearts broken all over again when you realize that we're not what you want, he wanted to add. But instead he allowed the silence to linger. 

Silent tears slipped from her eyes but she did not respond. 

Instead she stood up and went into the closet and started packing. So be it, she told herself as she zipped the last of her bags before going into the bathroom to hastily shove her toiletries into another bag. 

She stopped when she pulled one of the lower drawers open. The positive pregnancy test sticks under her box of tampons glared at her, and for a brief moment she contemplated telling Joel. But when she heard the front door slam shut, she pulled herself together and shoved the sticks in the bag as well. 

--

That was seven months ago and she hasn't seen nor heard from Joel since. 

Their eyes met for a moment before his gaze fell upon her very round baby bump. Acting on instinct, she hastily placed her handbag in the shopping cart, a futile attempt to hide it from him, though it didn't do much given the fact that she looked like she had tucked an entire watermelon under her shirt.

She grimaced, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. When she locked eyes with him once more, she began walking backwards, her eyes not leaving him and before he could say anything, she had rounded the corner and all he heard was, “Nope. Not today!”

Next Chapter 👉🏻

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal edit #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal x ofc #pedro pascal fan fiction #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal cinematic universe #pedro pascal fan fic #pedro pascal x pregnant!reader #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal x you #pedrito #pedrohub #pedropascaledit #now i understand the hype #Joel Miller #joel miller series #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fan fic #joel miller x oc #joel miller x original character #joel miller x plus size reader #joel miller x pregnant reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x wife!reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x you #tlou hbo #the last of us hbo #the last of us

[rott1ngbra1n]

First off! I wanna go ahead and drop some fun art stuff I’ve been doing as I’ve been watching Dragons Rising season 2, which I’ve been loving!

I did a version of Arin before but it wasn’t my favorite so a redo! More AlleyCat stuff and obligatory Cole, because I love him.

I do have more Ninjago Art I want to do (Still need to finish that Cole and Morro friend piece-) and I have some other fandom art I also want to do, but I’ll explain more under the cut as well as why I’ve been gone or a bit less active everywhere. This is optional you do not have to read under the cut!

TW// Transphobia

For those unaware I am a trans man, I go by a different name: both online and IRL (online for privacy’s sake), I also work as a barista due to being a college student and needing to save money for moving away from my own transphobic parents. That’s a whole other story. But at work there was a coworker of mine who was consistently transphobic towards me whenever we worked together. It had been going on since June of last year (The irony of it starting during pride month made me and my friends laugh) but it escalated after I returned from New York, so much so I had to go to management.

Myself. Management had been informed by my best friend (who also works with me) about it and was told it was “gossip”. Ok. Sure- So I informed management of the new incidents and was told I had options, the first being to have a meeting with me, the transphobe, and my manager to discuss the issues. I said no so my manager went to the DM to find another solution. To give even more context, the transphobe couldn’t even be transphobic to my face most times it was always told behind my back to my best friend.

That’s how I knew my manager talked to the transphobe one on one, cause the transphobe right after the meeting went to said best friend. Telling her “not to tell me as she didn’t want to start drama” Cool, I feel so cool. I was very mad, went back to my manager with it, had that meeting with myself, the transphobe, and manager. Where my emotions were downplayed and the transphobe said she had “never interacted with a trans person before and didn’t know what she said was wrong.” OK.

SURE.

After that we assumed it was over, my manager made an incident report, but it didn’t stop the transphobe still kept talking behind my back to others. Despite me talking respectfully of her. More context all the talking behind my back happened at work while on the clock. After a while I just went about my day, then Ethics and Compliance called. They spoke to everyone involved, including me and I relayed more about my testimony. They said they would be investigating and I assumed it would take a while, then finally. I was informed that the transphobe was in fact fired.

This whole situation, along with other personal stuff going on with me, caused so much stress. To the point I tended to fallback into habits I had thought I fixed, mainly regarding my physical health. Even at points hating myself for just existing and having been born wrong.

I’m thankfully doing so much better now and have recently gotten diagnosed with Autism, something I knew I had but didn’t fully understand for a while. I’ve been getting better existing in a world knowing the people that are my blood hate me, knowing that eventually, I will never be able to be loved by my parents or sister. I have friends and coworkers who support me and I want to support other people in this community.

With that said I’m back to making more art! I’m building a portfolio for animation and to intern next year, I also will be trying to post more animations to here when I finish them! I also will still be active in the Ninjago fandom, I’ve loved this show since it came out in 2011 y’all can pry it from my cold dead hands-

But I do want to make more original work, I want to do more Star Wars work, QSMP art and animations, and more Musical Theater art whether it be Broadway or Indie productions. I hope people enjoy what I make, especially some of my original characters as I’ve gotten to work on Cybernetic more thanks to my animation class. You’ll see more of it as we go!

Thank you if you’ve read this and thank you for supporting me!

#art #my art #digital art #fanart #lego ninjago #lego ninjago fanart #lego ninjago lloyd #lego ninjago morro #ninjago #lego ninjago cole #ninjago fanart #ninjago cole #ninjago lloyd #ninjago dragons rising #ninjago dragons rising fanart #dragons rising #ninjago arin #life update

[sillyyuserr]

ever since chapter 108 tbhk has been getting progressively worse, after reading chapter 112 i had to take an hour long lap around my room before i could write this 😭

Chapter 112 analysis/thoughts

❗️obviously, chapter 112 spoilers❗️

aoi is seemingly less popular, and the burden of that has been lifted, her and nene also being much closer.

ALSO WHAT?? Like ok lesbians

Mei’s alive, which kind of confused me because she died due to illness?? But i guess not if shes here

This page really intrigued me, not because of kou or anything but because of what aoi says

She refers to teru as “teru-kun” differing to that of what she used to call him

Which i guess means she’s close to him too

after kou runs back to the stand it shows this

Kou and mitsuba??? HE’S ALIVE?? This is literally all we get of them so i don’t have much for this part

Nene singing at the play, having a thought just at the back of her mind, thinking she was wanting someone to watch her, but not sure who

Until they’re finally done, everything’s quiet, she looks up at the crowd to see

Hanako?? Im not quite sure if he was actually there or if she was hallucinating or something but she remembered him, enough to remember his name. ALSO HE KEPT HIS PROMISE AUGH 😭💔

i dont have much to say for this because i really dont know whats going on but im interested to see what happens next w/ them

This next part especially killed me

Teru is distressed, he’s fucking devastated, he feels betrayed and hurt by the only person he’s trusted as much as he has, teru reacts impulsively when it comes to something that weakens him. akane was right when he referred to him as a little kid, he is like a child, he does not know how to control his emotions since he wasn’t taught, and sure as hell not having a mom made it worse

also his face 😭 my mans is HURT

Him not knowing if he should treat akane like a human or like a supernatural hurts me. this reminds me of the picture perfect arc with hanako and nene, akane being in hanako’s place and teru being in nene’s. akane making the decision for the greater good that he doesn’t even fully believe in, just as hanako did when he made shijima make the painting

I have so much to say about this panel its insane

The tension goes CRAZYY but also wtf

The demotion from “aoi” to “clock keeper” back to “aoi” shows he really doesnt know. Also showing he really did trust him, but now that he’s done what he did, he doesnt know how to feel about him. The “you really let me down” again suggests he didn’t at one point, and he did like him. GOSH AidaIro sleep with one eye open tonight

Akane looking worried like that shows he really did care about teru too, and what he thinks of him, i mean like look at him he looks disappointed too, but in himself

His face he feels so bad 😭😭

Teru gripping his tie like he’s onna run away 😭 my mans ur ON TOP OF HIM i think you got him

Teru looking progressively more worried/concerned as akane continues explaining whats happened

Teru’s perspective shot on the top left is painful like the rest of this chapter, him looking down at akane with a face of disbelief, as akane removed his hand from his tie, and redoes it, explaining the rest.

again, reminding me of the picture perfect arc, with the whole “be here long enough and you’ll forget your past life” with again, akane in hanako’s place and teru in nene’s

Akane says this could be a better present for Nene, and we see her initial hope of being popular come true (also taking aoi’s problem away, as stated at the beginning)

but he also says this could be a better/more preferable present for teru aswell, which makes me want to see how teru’s life changed, and what akane considered something teru would want, and what he lost to gain it. (like how nene gained popularity but lost hanako and the connections she made bcs of meeting him)

Fuck i just realized something. Akane was under the impression teru has a crush on aoi so what if he made them closer as in like dating closer SHE CALLS HIM TERU-KUN is this what akane meant by “some people might prefer this ‘present’ over the former one. could be you president.” HUUH

i have a problem with saying “this will never happen, i know it wont, and i wont even consider it” and genuinely will be under the belief that it wont, but then it fucking happens and if thats what happened here i might as well archive my acc

Back to the current topic, as a wielder of time, an important part of making this present, is making sure there is no way his memories will be replaced too, or so im guessing. He says "some" and “their” instead of "we" or “people like us” when talking about the people that will forget the old present. Meaning if akane des remember, he will be so indefinitely alone and self aware (him knowing so much more than the rest of them) and have to play along with everything. Everyone else has the comfort of forgetting, which will make it much easier to adjust, meanwhile if things stay the same, akane will be the only one to remember and will be like this for as long as they stay like that.

Which i like this new one, as mitsuba and kou can be friends without one of them literally being dead, and how aoi can be more open and is closer to nene, but if this is how it ends (obviously not this chapter but if it ends with them staying in the new present) tbhk is so fucked.

its kind of a win-lose, lose-win type of thing, but either way akane’s cooked.

Todays a rough day for everyone 😭

#tbhk #real #aidairo #analysis #aidairo sleep with one eye open tonight #minamoto teru #akane aoi #aoi akane #yashiro nene

[candybatwings]

Different styles of Triumvirate <3

Read below for me being super autistic about Star Trek (and still shots)

Did that work? Idk we’ll see. Anyway different styles of Triumvirate V V V V V

TOS Triumvirate, my bbgirls <3 I don’t do likeness very much so this looks kind of awful lmao but I had fun doing it bc I got to stare at pics of Them. I hate the way I did the line art and I want to burn it but I don’t hate it enough to redo it lol I’m sorry

AOS Triumvirate, I am a TOS girly 4ever but I actually did like the AOS movies even if I had some criticisms (if I don’t “um ackshually ☝️🤓” every little Star Trek thing I see my internal organs will shutdown) I thought all the actors were fun but I kept getting distracted by how BLUE Chris Pine’s eyes are good heavens. I was also a bit…disappointed that Chris Pine is a lot slimmer than TOS Kirk bc TOS Kirk has a more similar body type to me and it made me feel good but that’s more of a personal thing. I really did like these movies and I thought all the actors did a pretty good job playing young versions of the characters. I actually haven’t seen the third one yet but wow did I love Into Darkness (as y’all know if you saw that animation I made immediately after watching it)

I call this Fanon Triumvirate because it represents the way I see Triumvirate represented in fan art often. I attempted to make it a sort of combo of AOS and TOS with a couple more Fanon aspects like scruffy Spock (+ Spock’s blue eyeshadow).

My Triumvirate! I might finish this with lighting, background, etc bc omg look at them!! My guys!! I have a lot of my own preference here. Spock has longer hair (no microbangs, sorry lesbians 😭), I like Jim to have lovely styled hair and nice lips, Bones looks especially exhausted, etc I like to change up their designs often but I’ve taken a lot of inspiration from fan works and TOS but recently mixed more AOS in since watching the movies 🫶 I also like for Jim’s uniform to be a lil baggy bc I see that in Fanon sometimes and I think it’s cute.

#artwork #digital art #digital drawing #artists of tumblr #digital artist #my art #triumvirate #star trek fanart #star trek the original series #star trek tos #star trek alternate original series #star trek aos #james t kirk #captain kirk #s'chn t'gai spock #mr spock #bones mccoy #leonard bones mccoy #mcspirk fanart #mcspirk #fanart

[disasterarea-podcast]

Okay, I know I probably don’t need to explain this to all of you, but also I want to talk to *somebody* about how I wish I had the sort of pull that would let me see “Society of the Snow” before it ends up on @netflix on January 4th.

“Alive” came out when I was in high school. I was a sophomore, I think? I just know I watched it a bunch for historical reasons (disaster! Survival! Struggle!) and superficial reasons (I was sixteen and Ethan Hawke was in danger!). It was on HBO a lot back then. Or it felt that way, because I watched it every time it came on.

As per usual, I watched the movie, so I went and got the book. (I have an Audible credit, so I’m preordering the audiobook of “Society of the Snow” for work. It comes out in a couple of days, FYI.) The movie is … sanitized, to say the least. They can’t avoid the eating of the dead, or showing it on occasion. But in real life, the situation was more blatant, because … well, who are you going to hide it from? They ate everything else, or at least tried to, before resorting to the dead. And then when they did resort to the dead, they ate it ALL.

The thing is, Uruguayan culture was heavy on beef. “Alive” (the book) describes it the way the Irish depended on potatoes. Eating the dead was difficult, but as Catholics they were able to talk it out and tie it into the rosary and taking the body and blood of Christ into their own. I’m not even a Catholic anymore, but I think even my latent Catholic training might kick in just a tad to help reassure me in a situation like that if I had doubts. (Note: I have been doing this podcast for WAY too long. Survival cannibalism wouldn’t even make me bat an eye at this point.)

My point is that in the real situation, the survivors used everything. And I mean everything. There were only three or four parts of the body they couldn’t eat - I think the genitals were on that list, but don’t quote me on it - but the rest? They picked the bodies clean. They needed to. There’s a photo of the survivors sitting outside the plane, hanging out, smiling for the camera. It’s usually edited. Everything else is kept, but what is usually clipped or blurred is a very clear shot of a human spine, not a spot of meat left on it, just … lying there. It might as well be an airplane seat, or a discarded jacket, or any of the other items scattered about.

I have a tremendous amount of respect for every single one of the people who went through that ordeal. The details are traumatizing enough without having lived through it. Every time somebody makes a “rugby players eat their dead” joke, I cringe.

So here I am sitting watching “Alive” again, because fuck it. The thing is, I have a fondness for this movie based a lot on high school and watching it lots and it introducing me to a survival story I’d never heard of. But I would always be the first to point out I’d love a redo. It’s not as accurate as it could be, it’s in English, it misses out on things like Carlitos Paez’s father searching for him and the others the whole damn time and the reception after they came back.

I’m hoping “Society of the Snow” has all of the things the first movie lacked. I want to see the reception when they came back. I can’t wait to see Carlitos playing his dad, and I hope we get that moment where he reads the list of survivors over the radio and his voice breaks when he gets to his son’s name. I hope we get the reality of survival cannibalism — that it’s not murder, that it’s not pretty, that you might get a little blinded to the horror of the reality.

The trailers for “Society of the Snow” gives me hope it does the story the justice it deserves. There are so many disaster stories that, while they may have gotten TV movies, I would love to see done for the big screen. Hillsborough. The Triangle Shirtwaist factory fire. The Galveston Hurricane. The Johnstown flood. But honestly, the trailers for “Society of the Snow” look gorgeous and respectful. Let’s do more movies like this for more disasters.

#tw cannibalism #tw survival cannibalism #society of the snow #if Netflix needs someone to come up with ideas for movies about real-life disasters I am THERE

[opia-tarot]

Note to the collective

the number nine kept coming up in your piles so I can see most of you are currently dealing with the resurfacing of particular themes in your life or the ending of cycles. So if any of you are feeling like things from the past are coming back or themes from the past or coming back or you feel like your traumas are resurfacing it’s because you are coming towards the end of a cycle and the start of a new one. So this reading is about the beauty within your authentic self and the beauty within your self expression. there are so many messages within the piles honestly most of these piles diverged from the actual theme.  I tried to stick to the fun theme and I had to redo readings over and over again so this is why I chose this theme. initially I tried to do different topics of readings, but they didn’t work.  like whenever I tried to do fun readings I just kept channelling things you all need to hear and I think this is because the collective is in need of some clarity.

How to choose a picture. Meditate on each picture and pick the picture you are drawn to. If you can’t pick a picture then use a random number picker and set the intention when you press the generate button. 

1 2

3 4



So group one your energy is very impressive. I wanted to tell you, you are a throat chakra ruled person. Immediately I started channelling the colour blue. I can see here what is beautiful about your self expression is the authenticity of your communication. You have a very special ability to bring hidden things to the surface and you have the ability to communicate with authority.

This isn’t something you see because I can see you have a tendency to be self-deprecating but what you say changes people’s lives. You are naturally inspiring and you are a natural leader. I can see currently your energy is drained I can see you’re dealing with mental health issues and pessimism. And I immediately channelled 1111. You’ve either been seeing this or you are going to. And whenever you see 1111 it is a reminder that your mental health is going to improve in the near future. And I’m not just saying this for the sake of it this is something I channelled. So whenever you see 1111 it is an indicator to keep pushing because your mental health is going to improve.

I don’t think you realise this but you are aspirational and you inspire people. People admire you and they want to emulate your qualities. When you speak people want to listen. You have the ability to change peoples perspectives and you have the ability to motivate people. The beauty within your self expression is your ability to motivate other people and to inspire them to pursue their own goals and inspire them to keep pushing. When you speak you inspire people to be better and to do better and to want better.

I was really impressed when I channelled your energy because this is natural leadership ability which is not something everyone has. I can see your current energy is very pessimistic and I wanted to tell you your future is bright and this is something I can confirm. This is a quick message it’s a bit specific but if you are manifesting this manifestation is going to materialise. And just so you know why I’m so sure of this is because I got the 10 of pentacles from two different decks. So if you are manifesting keep doing what you’re doing because it is working.

You have an ability to stick up for the underdog and I see you have a very accurate perception of fairness. And when you are your most authentic self you are a natural leader and a natural advocate for the people who cannot advocate for themselves. I channelled altruism and philanthropist.

And when you are your most authentic self you are aware of your capabilities and you are confident in your leadership qualities where you are able to inspire and motivate others easily. You can’t see this but people admire you so much and its natural ability where people are so drawn to your motivational energy. 

The reason why your perception of the future is so blocked is because you are not supposed to know what is coming or what your future consists of. Even I tried to channel specific things about what you are manifesting or what is going to materialise and I couldn’t channel anything even I was blocked. So if you are wondering why you’re feeling so confused you are not doing anything wrong it is because it is not the right time to be worrying about the future or to be concerned with what the future consists of. it is important to say present for the sake of your mental health.

What I also see is your perception is very rare, your perspective of the future and the ideas you have are rare. And this is something I really wanted to emphasise because you have a very futuristic mind and very futuristic ideas and I don’t think it’s something you even realise about yourself because it’s something that comes so naturally to you.

But overall the beauty within yourself expression is your resilience and how you persist over and over again. I said this so many times but you are a natural leader. 

Life path four and 8.

Mercury 3h

3h/5h placements

Aries/Sagittarius placements

Capricorn placements

Venus 11h

Okay so group your energy is very intense right now. I started to channel your energy and I immediately felt this intense sadness. And I’m seeing 111 while I’m typing this. I’m going to cover the difficult stuff and then we can get to the actual topic of the reading.

Trigger warning

I see most of you had a very difficult childhood. This ranges from absent parents to more extreme environments in your childhood. I’m not going to get specific but I’ll get specific enough so you can get an idea of what I’m talking about. I got a few channelled messages here but I can see a difficult relationship with a male figure. I see this very prominently and it doesn’t necessarily have to be your dad but I just see difficulties either with men in general or specific man from your past.

I can see some of you had a domineering parent or an absent parent and I can see for most of you you are not nurtured how you were supposed to be in your childhood.

Now the reason why I’m bringing this up is because it’s time to start healing from this childhood trauma. I can feel your sadness group and I can feel the pressure you are under mentally at this time and I wanted to tell you you are not alone because I can feel you and I want to help where I can. This isn’t easy and I wanted to say I really admire this group. It’s time to start healing because you have convinced yourself you’ve healed from this or you’ve just been avoiding the trauma entirely and it’s so buried in your subconscious you don’t even realise how it’s affecting you in very subtle ways like people pleasing specifically. This group because you are so nurturing and you have very parental energy you have a tendency to give too much or people please. These people pleasing tendencies are draining your energy so it’s important to have more balance in terms of how you exert your energy.

Now onto the topic of the reading. What is beautiful about your self expression and your most authentic self is how parental you are. You are an essential aspect of people’s lives and you are a helping hand. I don’t know if you realise this but people really rely on you and you’re the stability in people’s lives especially people who have had difficult childhoods. I can also see kids really look up to you and I wanted to tell you this, you would make an amazing parent. Kids really look up to you and this is because you have natural parental energy.

You have this ability to be so stable and to have this very nurturing stable quality and this allows people to feel so safe around you. You are a safe space.

And people tend to rely on you emotionally so just be aware of this like what I said earlier about being picky about exerting your energy. you have this ability to connect to people emotionally that is deeper than how most people are able to connect. And this emotional reciprocity is what really connects people to you. The depth and the authenticity of the emotional connections you have with others is what makes you so beautiful. This is a rare trait in my opinion and it’s something we need more of in society.

You are so supportive of other people and I actually got a really specific message. You are an absolute inspiration and it is different from group number one. It is more about who you are that represents this inspiring journey and this message of resilience and symbolism of alchemy. You represent this alchemist energy of taking pain and turning it into nurturing energy. You motivate others to realise pain doesn’t have to become inflicting pain on others. You inspire others because you’ve experienced so much pain but you still have so much of yourself to give. You still support others and you nurture others and this is something that is incredibly inspiring about you. It’s not a weakness so don’t listen to anyone that says it is a weakness or something to be ashamed of. And sometimes you can feel like this emotional depth is a weakness because you do feel in extremes but it is not and it’s something that people really value about you.

So the beauty in your self expression and your most authentic self is your ability to connect with humanity. Your journey and who you are represents a symbol of self empowerment.



I can see who there’s something really prominent about the number nine. You could have ninth house placement or you could be a life path nine. You don’t have to be that this is just what I channelled.

Saturn 9h

Pluto 9h

Neptune 1h

mars conjunct Pluto

Scorpio 1h

okay group 3 so your reading is completely different from the other groups and it’s not focused on anything to do with your authentic self or your self expression. I kept trying to stay with the theme of the reading but so many other messages were coming out so it got very obvious that there’s more you need to hear.

I kept trying to channel your current energy and I felt so drained and I can see you are currently in isolation and hermit mode I can tell you are feeling drained and pessimistic and just tired.

I can see here you are questioning why you feel so lonely and you’re questioning why you are so isolated. This hermit mode you are in is intentional and it is because you are being encouraged to discover who you really are and what you want to be. And it’s annoying because when we’re in hermit mode it’s difficult to see the bigger picture. 

I kept trying to channel who your authentic self is and the beauty within your self expression and I couldn’t channel anything and the reason for this is because you haven’t discovered who you really are yet. And this isn’t a bad thing. What are your passions? What are your goals?

And the reason why it seems like you can’t erase your pain or progress is because you need to figure out who you are outside of your pain and trauma. What I wanted to tell you is you aren’t defined by your experiences. And it’s important to discover who you are outside of the external distractions and pain.

And it’s interesting because I can see you have a very difficult relationship with yourself. It almost feels karmic. I can see you struggle with your self-esteem and you struggle with self perception. This is really specific but I can see mirrors are really difficult for this group and it’s interesting because I remember I got this message months ago in a different reading. When you look in the mirror what do you see and what thoughts arise? This is important because those immediate thoughts you have when you see yourself relates to how you feel about yourself and how you perceive yourself.

I can see you don’t feel like you are enough and what I wanted to tell you is you are enough and you don’t need to achieve something or become something in order to be enough. What I heard is it’s time to stop trying to fit in a societal standard. You are not supposed to fit in.

Something else I also channelled is it’s up to you to make the necessary steps in order to reach your goals and in order to progress in terms of self improvement. In terms of this group specifically you cannot follow your feelings. Discipline is so important here.

I can see there are some of you here who struggle with food. And the reason why your relationship with food is so difficult is because you use food to nullify or numb your feelings. Regardless of what the specific issue is with your relationship with food it has to do with numbing. It is a way to feel like you have some sort of grip on your life. So it’s time to start fixing your relationship with food and this is a specific message for a few of you.

And something I kept channelling over and over again is issues regarding your relationship with how you look. Your feelings are really defined by your appearance. And something I also channelled is about fixing your relationship with self love and basically imitating self love consistently in order to allow it to naturally bloom. Because self-love isn’t something that comes naturally. You have to start creating a relationship with yourself. And for some of you here I’ve got a very specific message and this has to do with fantasising about your soulmate or fantasising about love. And now is not the time to focus on other people it is time to invest energy in yourself. And I’m sorry this is really harsh but this is what I channelled, you have to take responsibility for yourself.

It’s time to start making healthy choices in all areas of your life.

I also see this group is really prone to overindulgence and escapism. And I always say escapism is healthy in moderation. But I can see you use quick dopamine hits to escape from your feelings. And a message I channelled is it’s time to stop using your phone so often because it is a form of instant gratification and unhealthy escapism. Now the reason why the message about your phone came up specifically is because it’s important to make time for a period of quiet. What do you feel in the silence? Sometimes this can be easier than writing out shadow work prompts, especially when you’re drained. 

I kept hearing why can’t I just be conventionally this.... why can’t I just be conventionally this....

You are supposed to be unique and you are supposed to be different from the societal expectations. The individuality you have is something you need to start seeing from a positive perspective. this Queen of pentacles and eight of swords indicates to me you don’t see your beauty.

Make time every day to go outside. it’s important to make time for recuperation but I can see it’s important to just go out in nature and be present in the steps you take.

this period of isolation is a period of learning and it is not happening just for the sake of suffering. Start learning who you are and start investing in yourself. Because you are worth the time and effort. Avoidance is not going to solve your problems, but you can, because you are capable. In order to be successful and to become your best self you need to embrace Saturn traits. And it’s not fun but it’s going to be the most beneficial thing to do.

Vices and escapism are things you need to avoid in order to become your best self. I just wanted to tell you I’m here to help and I love you. You are more capable than you realise. And the next cycle of your life is going to come in when you’ve worked on these things.

The number 9, 8 and 18 are very important in your reading. 

And I kept saying to myself I keep seeing these synchronicities what is going on? And I was shuffling my cards and the eight of swords and the nine of swords were there. And then I checked the bottom of the deck and the 10 of pentacles was there. So this is a step-by-step process. You are currently in transitional energy here and I see this because of the amount of eights I kept seeing. And then nine which has to do with the end of the cycle. this is when this New cycle comes in.

love you group 3, and I can feel your energy and I’m aware this is not easy. But you can do this and I’m rooting for you the whole way. 

999

 So group 4 before we get to the rest of your messages something I immediately heard is you are an amazing friend. You are really dependable and reliable. I can see loads of people love you.  your friends love you by the way that’s a message I got instantly.

There’s something about how you communicate, it makes people feel really assured and comforted.  you are my group of people who walk into a room and everyone notices you. You have an energy of serendipity. You are very physically attractive. And I don’t wanna hear it this is a message I got in the reading so I don’t wanna see any self-deprecating comments.

And what’s interesting is it’s not just your appearance it’s also your energy. You have this confidence. And it drives people crazy. You have some secret admirers most definitely. 

It’s interesting because every group has some sort of chaotic messages in there because it seems like there’s so much that needs to be said. This is specific, there’s someone with a prominent cancer placement who has a crush on you. Now this is specific so it won’t be for everyone.  I tried to get some messages about who this person is but it seems like they really want to be hidden at this time. I can see it’s a 50-50 bunch so some of you would be like wow I’m so glad they like me and some of you will be like no ahaha. I channelled that part from in my feelings by Lana Del Rey where it’s like get that cigarette smoke out of my face you’re wasting my time.... so honestly most of you wouldn’t really like this person but there are a few of you who would. I can see most of you aren’t prioritising love at this time because you’re focused on yourself. 

You are sexy. Actually I channelled something about people comparing themselves to you like people look at you and compare themselves to you. They wonder why they can’t be like you especially if you have social media.

 some of you could be thinking why is my life so boring? why do people not approach me? It’s honestly because people are intimidated by you.

I’m sorry this is an annoying message but for any of you have cut someone off romantically, this person is thinking about you. I don’t see any depth within this connection you had I see a superficial connection.  also if you’ve got social media and you haven’t blocked this person I would recommend doing so because this person is watching what you’re doing. It’s just easier to block them so you can clear out that energy.

There is something about your eyes they make people go crazy. I kept getting messages about your eyes. You could have ocean eyes or very seductive eyes. Your eyes are deep. 

I actually channelled this scene. Literally this is how people feel about you. you evoke this primal urge in people. 

Your independence drives people crazy too. I kept hearing okay what else? Like you won’t just entertain other people for the sake of it, your time is valuable. And this dismissive or perhaps independent energy you have is very attractive. And this could be annoying because it’s like the more you say you’re not interested, this could actually entice people more.

Group 4 you have a dangerous gaze. And when I got this message I got excited because any of you who know me know that I love eyes. 

You are incredibly intimidating but also highly respected. You are independent and people know they need to take you seriously if they are going to approach you. And if you are someone who approaches you don’t want anyone to waste your time so you are very picky. And people find this really attractive.

I actually channelled that meme from TikTok where it’s like people get exhausted trying to figure me out and I just let them. And what is attractive about you is how you are not concerned with the opinions or rumours or bullshit. You mind your own business and you work on yourself. And people love you because you don��t rely on anyone and you are incredibly independent. This is boss energy.

This is my group of mystics, sirens, royalty and dark feminines and confident masculines, this is the energy you emanate. What you need to hear is you can have anyone you want so keep doing what you’re doing. 

So the beauty within your authentic self and your self expression is everything about you. Literally every quality, every feature, you are the definition of sexy.  and the best part is you have so much depth and you aren’t phased by materialistic things. You have depth and you’re genuine and you’re intelligent and you’re also very attractive you are like this impenetrable full package. so own it hun. 

note- when I channelled your energy I felt this deep seductive energy and it made me feel so hyped up, I felt like a proud mother like GO HONEY. your energy feels great. Like I just needed to let you know because honestly your energy is immaculate.

Placements-

Venus-Mercury

3h placements

Solar plexus!!

222























#Spotify #SoundCloud #tarot pac #opia tarot

[plubbo]

Grey Hairs (Crosshair x reader)

word count: 1086

warnings: none. just some fluff

(My first ever post on Tumblr. Did I do this because I have grey hairs and to cope with tech x phee? Maybe, maybe. Also, the reader is implied to have long-ish hair. Anyways, enjoy!)

You woke up in the early afternoon, exclaiming to yourself when you checked the time. There was a small note on the counter near your bed that read,

“Me, Hunter, Echo, and Tech (Omega’s tagging along too) are going for a supply run. We’ll be back in a jiffy!

-Wrecker ʘ‿ʘ ”

You sighed, placing the note back down onto the counter. There was no point in going out to find them, so you’d have to wait in the ship all alone.

Wait, the note said that Wrecker, Hunter, Echo, Tech, and Omega went out, meaning that there was still someone on the ship.

Kriff. 

You rolled your eyes as you let out a sigh. Did it have to be him? Of all of the squad members, he was the one on the ship with you.

You and Crosshair never really got along all that well, but maybe that was just because you hadn’t talked too much? Well, it doesn’t matter now. This could be a potential bonding experience.

You grabbed a datapad and walked out of your room into the cockpit, which was where a familiar silvery-haired squadmate was sitting. He was in the pilot seat cleaning his sniper, like he usually does when there’s nothing else to do.

You sat down on the co-pilot seat, giving him a small wave as you did. He let out a quiet huff that you almost didn’t notice.

“Good morning to you too,” you hissed. You swiveled the seat so that it faced away from Crosshair and looked down at the datapad you brought out of your room. While you scrolled through an article, your long hair got in the way of your view of the screen, so you tucked some of it behind your ears. It was a simple solution, but it only lasted for a few minutes before you realized that your hair had fallen back to its original position. You sighed as you tucked it behind your ear once more, only for the same outcome.

Luckily for you, you had a hairband around your wrist. You thought that you should just tie it up normally, but instead turned the chair back to face Crosshair. With a quick clearing of the throat, you stammered,

“Um, when you’re done with cleaning your rifle, could you.. help me with something? Take your time, of course.”

The sniper side-glared at you and stopped what he was doing for a moment. He let out a quick and quiet sigh before leaning his rifle against the controls. Then, he spoke out with his sharp, croaky voice,

“What do you want?”

“I just… Uh, could you help braid my hair?”

His facial features changed in the slightest way; you almost had to squint to see it. He raised an eyebrow and interrogated,

“Why would I do that?”

“I dunno, I just wanted you to do a favor for me. If you don’t want to, that’s fine, just tell me.”

You weren’t lying; you thought that maybe you could become a little more acquainted through it. You placed a hand over the back of your neck, which was starting to warm up with embarrassment. But, that feeling of unease left you when you heard Crosshair’s voice ring out again.

“Fine, I’ll do it. Turn yourself around.”

As he got up from his seat, you did as you were asked and repositioned yourself so that the back of your head faced Crosshair.

He took a handful of your hair in his hands before stopping what he was doing and asking,

“What now?”

“Pfft. Ahem, divide my hair equally into thirds and just cross the parts over each other.” You found it funny how he asked that, but you needed to stifle your laughter. You didn’t want to anger him, especially since he had a handful of your hair in his hands.

At first, he tugged at your hair and moved it around harshly, not really knowing his own strength. It was until you let out an ‘ow!’ sound that he started treating you gentler. He also kept fumbling around with your hair; it always either fell out of his grip or he thought it didn’t look quite right and had to redo it. You didn’t know what exactly you were expecting.

At one point, he eventually just dropped the handful of hair he had and exclaimed,

“I’m done. It’s not work–”

He stopped speaking when he saw something on your scalp shine in the dim lighting of the Marauder. He moved a couple of strands of hair around to reveal many hidden grey strands scattered around your head.

As he stopped speaking, you worried that he was frustrated, so you tried to console him.

“If you can’t do it, it’s okay. I’ll just–”

“You have grey hair.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I know that. Don’t pull them out.”

“I didn’t say I was going to. But, why not?”

“Well, ‘cause it would hurt. And…” You quickly thought of another reason. “And because it kinda matches with yours.”

You turned your head to look up at his face to see his reaction. The corners of his lips were turned upwards in the slightest way. But, it quickly vanished and he retorted,

“Why would you want to ‘match’ with me? I certainly don’t want to match with you.”

He crossed his arms and sat back down in his seat, soon resuming his cleaning.

You would be lying if you said the statement didn’t sting a little, but you knew it was insincere because of the small smile on his face. You decided to mess with him a little.

“I’m not keeping it just because it matches yours. I just think it’s neat. The color looks good on you, so maybe it would look good on me.”

You could see him freeze and force a scowl on his face to hide the smile. But, in the end, the smile still showed on his face. It was bigger than the last one, too.

“Thank you,” he commented in an undertone.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did you say something?”

That earned an eye roll from him, but he swiveled his chair around to face you and he repeated louder,

“Thank you.” He hesitated before adding, “If we were to ‘match’, then yours will look.. decent at best. Don’t let anyone pull them out.”

You nodded your head at him, grinning wildly.

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t planning on it.”

For the first time, Crosshair returned a small smile to you.

#tbb crosshair #sw tbb #tbb #the bad batch #crosshair #crosshair x reader #crosshair bad batch #bad batch #tbb x reader #tbb x you