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cottonlemonade · 1 month

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Hi can I order a medium grape lemonade with a slice of grape for Bokuto! I rlly love your work and ice been reading a lot of it! Thank you so much!

Scream It From The Rooftops

word count: 1095 || avg. reading time: 5 mins.

pairing: Bokuto x chubby female manager!Reader

genre: comfort

warnings: mentions of anxiety and academic pressure

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“This suuucks.“, Bokuto groaned next to you, ruffling his spiky hair in frustration, “How is a person supposed to remember all of this at once? I feel like my head is about to explode. I need like a second brain in a jar for extra storage. I could bring it with me to the exam and … use a plug or something to harness its knowledge. Yeah! Oh, y/n, I think I‘m really onto something here. Y/n? Hello? Earth to manager?“

You felt a finger poke your shoulder, but didn‘t respond. The words on the page before you had begun to blur and you noticed, with a start, the familiar stinging pressure building behind your eyes. Thick tears soon spilled onto your notes, smearing the ink. “Y/n-chan.“, Bokuto sounded worried when he poked you again, a little gentler this time, “Was the brain thing too gross?“

“I can‘t do it.“, you muttered.

“Do what?“

Your shoulders began to shake, sobs formed in your throat.

“Hey… hey, what‘s going on?“ The captain put an arm reassuringly around your shoulder. A couple of whispers made him look up. Students strewn about in the library had turned their attention to the blubbering, hiccup-ing mess next to him, some peeped out from between bookshelves.

It was rare for Bokuto to become angry. In fact, you had only ever seen it once and it was probably the scariest you had ever experienced the tall, usually bouncy sweetheart.

His golden eyes hardened, jaw clenched and in a firm true captain‘s voice he snapped, “Mind your own business!“

The students quickly went back to their notes or busied themselves with dusty volumes.

“Come on, y/n.“, he said, his voice sweet again and pulled you to your feet.

The tears left hot streaks across your chubby cheeks and you felt the mess your eyes, nose and mouth were making but you couldn‘t stop.

Holding your hand securely in his, he led you out of the library and towards the staircase, ignoring the pointing from people you passed. Bokuto dragged you up a flight, then a second, then a third until finally pushing open the door to the rooftop.

As soon as the heavy metal door fell into the lock behind you, he pulled you into his arms and you broke. You bawled. You hadn‘t done that since you were a child and right now it felt like it had been long overdue. Bokuto‘s strong arms just tightened, holding you close and safe. You brought your own arms up to finally hug him back. He leaned down a bit to engulf you further, making sure to cover as much of your shaking body with pressure as he could. He knew from experience that external pressure helped with an anxiety attack. At least he hoped it was the same for you as it was for him… Many times before you had dragged him out of a dark spiral. From thoughts of failure and disappointment and shame. You‘ve never judged him once, hadn‘t made fun of him when you found him hiding under a table for the first time. You simply offered a shoulder to lean on, an open ear and a hug. He was so relieved he could finally do the same for you.

He felt you trying to pull out of his arms and loosened his grip a bit.

You stared at his shoes, your sobs having calmed down but tears were still dripping on the concrete. Your breathing was shallow and ragged. Bokuto dug around in his pockets for a tissue but could only produce a napkin he had left over from lunch. Before your study session he had gotten himself a taiyaki in the cafeteria and some spilled red bean paste was stuck to the middle. Lips pursed in thought he refolded the napkin so he could offer the clean side to you.

“It‘s all I have right now…“

You accepted it gratefully and blew your nose.

He used the sleeve of his white school button down to carefully dab at your eyes and cheeks.

“Do you wanna talk about it?“

You shook your head. To be fair, it wasn‘t difficult at this point to put together what had upset you.

He pulled you in for a second round of hugs, this time gently running his large hand over your back.

“It‘s all gonna be just fine.“, he said quietly, “And I know, it‘s not much but even if you don't ace every single test, the team won‘t think less of you. We‘ll still love ya.“

You gave a hollow chuckle and he added pressure again to his hold.

“Thank you.“, you mumbled into his shirt.

“You are so very welcome, y/n-chan.“

You let go of him and took a somewhat deep shaky breath, feeling your tears ebb away.

“You know what always helps me? Besides you, that is.“

Still sniffling, you looked at him curiously.

He held up a finger for you to signal to pay attention, then stepped into the middle of the roof, took a deep breath and let out a long scream.

Your eyes widened in panic and you tried to shush him but he just shook his head and came over to get you to join him.

“Come on, give it a try. It‘s pretty awesome.“

“I don‘t know…“

“Come on, we can do it together. On the count of three.“

You couldn‘t believe you were doing this. But sure enough when he finished his countdown you filled your lungs as much as you could and yelled.

You felt the tension subsiding and with another deep breath, screamed again. Bokuto grinned and cheered you on.

“HEY, WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING UP THERE - STOP IT!“, you heard a teacher scolding from the courtyard below.

And you broke into hysterical giggles. It took a while to come down from the laughing fit.

“How do you feel?“, Bokuto asked, beaming.

“Better. So much better. Thank you so much.“

“Great! Come on, we have one last thing to do.“

And he grabbed your hand again to pull you along just as before.

You stopped in front of his locker. Once opened, he gave you a slightly smooshed packet of wet wipes you used to clean your face, then with his signature confident grin he reached for something between his books and held up a handful of little chocolates.

You frowned in confusion. “Why do you have these? You don‘t like mint-chocolate.“

“I know.“, he said and a light blush crept into his cheeks, “But you do.“

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a/n: this got so out of hand. Thank you very much for your sweet words! I hope it’s a kind of comfort you were asking for 🌟 thank you for the request!

#sunnys lemonade stand #bokuto x chubby reader #haikyuu x chubby reader #chubby reader #bokuto koutaro x reader #bokuto kotaro #bokuto #hq bokuto #bokuto x reader #haikyuu bokuto #bokuto koutarou #bokuto fluff #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu comfort #bokuto comfort

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beachylupin · 9 months

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I'm Not In Love || Remus Lupin x Muggle!Fem!Reader

i'm sorry for such the long wait everyone! but here it is! the heartbreak you've all been waiting for! i'm sorry if this is bad, but i didn't want a happy ending just yet. feedback is welcomed and appreciated! to preface: this part takes place at the very beginning of november here's part one and the moodboard word count: 3.8k warnings: mention of alcohol and cigarettes, swearing, descriptions of a panic attack, angst!!!!!!, reader is kind of an asshole, miscommunication, quickly edited

“I really don’t want to go,” you told Lily, hands on your cheeks as you rested your elbows on your kitchen island. “It’s actually like… the last thing I want to do with my time.”

“Please,” Lily begged from the other side of the counter, causing you to groan. “The whole Remus thing was a misunderstanding. He’s been very busy, but I know that he really wants to call you.”

Your head hit the table with a dull thud.

Busy? Remus hadn’t called you even though you gave him your number at Lily’s wedding a month ago. You genuinely thought he was interested, just as you were, and still are, but after the first month of dead silence, you got the message loud and clear. “Busy” wasn’t a very good excuse anymore. As far as you were concerned, he wanted nothing to do with you, and you couldn’t help but wonder why as you tried to forget about him.

Despite how many times James and Lily came to your flat or you went to their new one in that short time, Remus was rarely mentioned until now. Hell, you had seen more of Sirius than you had of him, and now two months after the wedding and a week before Sirius’s birthday, Lily hasn’t shut up about him.

“I’m not worried about the Remus thing,” you lied as you raised your head off the table, rubbing your forehead. “I’m worried about the wizard bar thing.”

That part wasn’t a lie. If a wizard wedding made you feel as self-conscious as ever, you couldn’t even imagine what a wizard bar would be like. They had different drinks with different effects, and you didn’t want to make an ass of yourself in front of someone who made you comfortable at said wedding then rejected you. You just wanted to fit in with a group of wizards, and you were already spiraling because of Remus’ apparent rejection. You had been rejected by other men before, sure, and while it hurt, this blow from Remus really threw you for a loop, causing a sour ache to start in the bottom of your chest whenever you thought about him. That meant the ache never really went away, but it lessened when you were busy with work or studying. You didn’t know if you could handle not being accepted by a whole friend group.

“It’s not at a wizard bar,” Lily huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’ve told you at least twenty times that it’s at the pub right down the road from your complex.”

“Oh, weird,” you said, definitely remembering, but you scrunch your nose anyway, pretending to rack your brain. “I would’ve remembered that, but it’s like… I don’t want to go or something.”

“You’re insufferable.” Lily met your glare with one of her own. “You know I could just lead Remus to your flat, right?”

“You wouldn’t do that,” you challenged, and Lily only smiled. “Lils, please. The wedding was with him was fine, but if he liked me, he would’ve called-”

“Remus wouldn’t just call,” she huffed, crossing her arms. “He’s much more romantic than that.”

“Well, I sure haven’t seen any of it, have I?” You grumbled back. “I’m not going.”

Lily went back to whining, a pout replacing her scowl. “Come on. Sirius would love-”

You began to lie, “I don’t know Sirius-”

“Just show up!” She snapped, raising her eyebrows. “Say it was a coincidence.” You groaned, and Lily grabbed your hands. “I’ll buy you as many vodka crans as you can drink, and you can hang out with the girls and I.”

“Lily-”

“Please,” she said, squeezing your hands. Lily looked so hopeful, her green eyes full of optimism. She knew it would break your heart to say no as she batted her lashes. “Please.”

“Fine,” you grumbled, and Lily squealed, rounding the island to pull your head into her chest in a squishy hug. You threw your arms around her to stabilize yourself on the stool, but she took it as a sign to squeeze harder, rocking you from side to side. “You’re a fucking menace.”

“I promise you it’s going to be so fun!” She cooed, pressing an enthusiastic kiss to the crown of your head before she gasped. “We have to pick you out an outfit!”

The next week was filled with near mental anguish. While you mentally prepared to see Remus again, you fully convinced yourself that he rejected you. He rejected you.

Could it be because you weren’t pretty enough? Or maybe you weren’t interesting enough. You had a sinking feeling it was because you weren’t like him. You couldn’t do anything he could do, and, in fact, you had to work much harder for things than he did. That’s fine, you reminded yourself.

You had to make yourself okay with this. You constantly told yourself that it was okay that he didn’t like you even though he was all you ever thought about. It’s not as though you knew each other. You had met once, you kept telling yourself. It wasn’t that deep. It was just a fun little crush that you had at a wedding. You weren’t in love. It’s fine.

You told yourself that he wasn’t busy. Remus just didn’t want you. That’s why he didn’t call. You weren’t enough for him, and you just had to accept that fact before you had to face him again to avoid any of the awkwardness.

It was going to have to be fine. You were going to have to act like everything was fine.

You arrived late to the party on purpose, busy pacing your flat and preening yourself in every mirror you passed. Nervousness made its home in your belly, anchoring itself by winding its way through your muscles and nerves. You could feel yourself flush scarlet as you doused yourself in perfume for the last time before you absolutely had to go.

You left your complex at a quarter to ten even though Lily told you to be there at nine sharp. Your heeled boots that Lily made you wear clicked on the pavement as you walked as slow as possible to the pub. Catching the reflection of yourself as you passed a darkened store front, you sighed.

You had on a black leather blazer, covering the sheer black tights, a black mini-skirt, and the white, lacy blouse you were wearing. You curled your hair, per Lily’s request, and darkened your lips with a wine-colored lipstick, matching it with a basic, brown eye. She said you were going to look “so in.”

You leaned toward the window, fixing your earring in the glass as you contemplated going home.

“Say it was a coincidence!” Lily’s words rang in your head as you fixed your other earring.

“A coincidence,” you mumbled to yourself. “A funny coincidence.”

You stepped away from the window, huffing to yourself as you set off toward the pub again, spotting it on the next street corner. Rehearsing what you’d say to everyone quietly to yourself, you finally reached the pub door.

Throwing your head back, praying a silent prayer, you entered the busy pub, bee-lining to the bar as if you weren’t expecting to see anyone that you knew. Taking a seat, you ordered a manhattan, scooching yourself closer to the bar.

In all reality, you spotted them right away, the girls were in the small crowd in front of the DJ and the boys, dressed as posh as ever, were around a small table, talking loudly. You knew Lily spotted you too, but you didn’t want to find out who else saw you, or even worse, who she told.

Your drink came with a grin from the bartender as you slipped off your coat, placing it underneath you. You silently thanked him then fished out the cherry at the bottom of the glass, popping it in your mouth and sucking it dry from the whiskey that it had absorbed.

You picked up the glass then turned around on your stool, scanning the crowd.

“... a coincidence!” Lily’s words echoed again.

You knew that at least Lily knew you were here, so there was no point in blatantly avoiding them. But what would you say? Your pre-planned conversation was gone. The nervousness wound its way up to your throat, forming a lump.

You took a sip of your cocktail as soon as you caught Lily staring at you from the dance floor. She turned around quickly, said something to Marlene, Mary, and Dorcas then walked away from them, a determined scowl on her face as she approached you.

“You’re late!” She hissed, pulling you into a hug. She reeked of vodka, her sour breath wafting into your face as she spoke again. “I said nine, and it’s ten!”

“I was nervous,” you mumbled, holding your drink out so that you could take the rest of it behind her back. “Sorry,” you said after you swallowed thickly.

Lily pulled away from you, her face still in a scowl. “I told you not to be!” She huffed, glancing over her shoulder. “The girls saw you as soon as you came in. You better put a smile on your face because they’re-” Lily’s whole demeanor changed as Mary’s hand met her shoulder. She smiled artificially, her lips pulling up to expose her teeth. “Look who I found!”

You sent your empty glass on the bar, mouth opening with faux surprise. “Oh my God!” You said, smiling widely. “I had no idea that you guys were going to be here!”

You hopped down from your stool, pulling each girl into a tight hug, squeezing them as long as necessary for them to believe that you were actually shocked.

“I was just coming to get a drink!” You gushed, glancing at Lily. “This is such a funny coincidence!”

“Come on, darlin’!” Marlene said, grabbing your coat and your hand. She beamed at Dorcas and Mary. “We haveta go show the boys who we found!”

“We really don’t-”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you another drink,” Lily said, smiling sweetly. You could see right through it, knowing she was still slightly mad at you. “Vodka cran, right, love?”

You grit your teeth into a smile. “Right. Thanks, Lils.”

Marlene giggled as she pulled you toward the boys, Dorcas and Mary lagging behind. “Mary thinks she’s gonna hook up wit’ Sirius tonight,” she gushed in your ear drunkenly. “‘S never gonna happen, but poor Mary sure thinks so.” She snorted, now walking way too far ahead of you, dragging you along.

You looked at the group of boys she was pulling you toward, all of them engrossed in a conversation except for the one you were actually trying to avoid.

From your quick glance, you could tell Remus’ cheeks were flushed, and you didn’t want to know if it was because the heat seemed to have turned up about ten degrees since you had locked eyes, or if he was drunk. You decided it was the latter in an attempt to make yourself feel better, ignoring the acid that burned your chest.

“Look who ickle Lils found sittin’ at the bar all by her lonesome,” Marlene slurred as soon as you walked up to the boys.

You felt your mouth pull into a smile despite the hammering in your ears. “Hi,” you said, feeling your arm wave a small wave.

You felt as though you were having an out of body experience as James pulled you into a sweaty, beer-soaked hug, squeezing you, and passing you along to Sirius, who kissed your cheek with wet lips.

“Happy birthday,” you mumbled as he pulled you into a hug, swearing he was sweating Jose Cuervo.

“I told you she was going to come!” Sirius ranted from behind your back. “Pretty girl can’t get enough of me!” He let go, his arm around your shoulder.

“Cat’s out of the bag,” you said, shrugging as he kissed your cheek once more.

“Someone’s more than excited to see you, doll,” he said near your ear, gently nudging you toward Remus.

You took your first real look at him. Remus hadn’t changed much except for the fact that he wasn’t leaning on a cane, and he had gotten his haircut, getting rid of the sun-bleached strands and leaving muddy brown in its place. You could tell he had been drinking by the way the sleeves on his white button-down were rolled up to his elbows, the top two buttons undone. You could see the outline of a box of cigarettes in the pocket of his black slacks.

He looked good. You could feel your face burn, trying to rub it away and playing it off like there was a fly buzzing around your head.

“Hiya,” you said, trying to be as nonchalant as possible as you pulled him into a one-armed hug around his middle.

He sniffed, moving his drink to his other hand as he squeezed your shoulder, mumbling, “Yeah, hi.”

The two of you separated almost instantly. Peter nodded a hello to you while James and Sirius exchanged looks. Marlene had turned around, loudly shouting at Mary and Dorcas who were on their way over.

Your gaze snapped to the ground as you swallowed thickly. The pep talk you gave yourself didn’t help at all.

“I’m going to head to the loo quick,” you said, glancing at James and Sirius. “I’ll be right back.”

Before anyone could protest or tell you that they were coming with you, you shot off toward the bathroom, trying not to break out into a full sprint.

You pushed the bathroom door open, entering a dingy stall and locking it behind yourself.

Sitting down on the surprisingly clean toilet, you let your head hit your hands with your elbows firmly planted on your knees.

“You’re fine,” you mumbled, sucking a breath into your reluctant lungs, pushing it out as you mumbled. “It’s fine.”

You recognized the panic as soon as you saw Remus in all of his glory. You pushed the heels of your palms into your eyes, trying to stop the inevitable tears. Breathing started to seem hard as you sucked another unwilling breath into your lungs.

Your week of talking yourself up hadn’t worked. It wasn’t just a crush. Love at first, or second, sight was real, and unfortunately, you seemed to be experiencing it.

Your hands started to shake as you took in another breath. Standing, you opened the stall door, walking out to grip the sink and stare at yourself.

You looked fine albeit for the single tear that you swiped from your cheek, so why didn’t you feel fine.

“I’m fine. I'm having fun,” you told yourself quietly. “Just get a drink, a-and act normal. I’m not in love. I’m fine, and I’m here to have fun.”

I’m not in love. The bile rose in your throat as you thought that phrase over again. I’m not in love.

You cupped your hands under the faucet, taking a scoop of tap water into your mouth.

Just then, Lily peeked in, her eyebrows furrowed with worry.

“The lads say you ran off,” she said, clutching your elbow. “Are you alright?”

“This wasn’t a good idea,” you muttered to Lily, shutting off the water. “I feel like I’m going to throw up.”

“What?” Her eyebrows pinched together. “Is this about Remus?” You reluctantly nodded. “You’re fine, okay? He’s just awkward.”

“He wasn’t awkward at your wedding,” you mumbled.

“That’s news to me,” Lily scoffed. “You’re just overthinking.”

“I just really want to go-”

“Come on, you big worry wart,” Lily said, tucking you into her side. “Let’s go see the girls. They’re talking about Mary getting into Sirius’ pants.”

“Lily, please-”

“It’ll be fun, I promise,” she said, patting your shoulder.

“Lils-”

Despite your protest, Lily guided you out of the bathroom and over to the girls at the bar.

“-just so dreamy, right?” Mary cooed, her longing look thrown at Sirius. Lily snorted as Marlene scoffed.

“He’s not into you!” Dorcas groaned, her arm around Marlene’s waist. “He’s not going home with anyone, and I think you’d know that by now!”

“But I could convince him, right?” Mary asked redundantly, glancing at you. “Right?”

You shrugged. “I know nothing.”

Mary whined. “Oh, you’re no help.”

“If he wanted to shag ya, he woulda done it by now,” Marlene slurred, lightly punching Mary’s shoulder. “I would know.”

“Oh, shut up!” Mary huffed, punching her friend back. “That was five years ago-”

“Hey,” Remus said, approaching from behind you with a tight smile. The quiet chorus of girlish hellos answered him. He stopped next to you, specifically looking just at you. “Hi. Alright?”

You met his gaze and nodded quietly, “Yeah.”

The girls continued talking, ignoring his interruption. You tried to listen back to what they were saying, but Remus’ hand met your bicep in a gentle squeeze, pulling you away slightly.

“Can I talk to you?” He asked, lips close to your ear.

Your eyes met Lily’s for a fleeting second, a look of help me flashing in yours as Lily lightly shook her head.

“S-sure,” you mumbled, pulling away from him. You took a step away from the group, waiting for his explanation.

“We’re uh- we’re just going to go have a ciggy quick. Cheers ladies,” he said, and he grabbed your clammy hand, pulling you out of the pub.

You could just walk away. You could completely ignore him and just walk home. You wanted to, but your feet wouldn’t let you, planting you near the wall next to him.

Remus dropped your hand then lit his cigarette, leaning against the wall and blowing out smoke. He glanced at you, then looked down, obviously contemplating what he was going to say. “I- I’m sorry about um… About not calling you? I lost your number, and-”

You nodded, hardly hearing him over your heart pounding in your ears, puffing a small laugh through your nose. “I’ve never heard that one before-”

“It’s not like that,” Remus huffed over you.

You chuckled, feeling the panic in your chest crescendo as you removed yourself from the wall to pace in front of him, “I’ve been rejected before, Remus. It’s not that big a deal.”

“I never rejected-”

“It’s fine, okay?! It’s fine!” You laughed to yourself, your fingers meeting your temple with a dull rub as you stopped pacing. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to fucking come,” you muttered, turning toward the pub door.

“You didn’t want to come because- because of me?” Remus guawaffed, his eyebrows furrowed. “I didn’t reject you!”

“No, it’s fine.” Your fingertips met the bridge of your nose as you paused, trying to make yourself not cry. You huffed softly, facing him again. “Look, okay? I’m stupid, and I shouldn’t have ever given you my number, alright? Just forget about it, alright? It’s fine. I-I should’ve known that something like… like this-” you gestured between the two of you, your voice shaking. “-would never work.”

“Like what?” Remus’ cigarette was abandoned, the coal working its way slowly toward the filter.

“I like you,” you admitted, still looking at him. “A-and I know that sounds stupid because love at first sight is fucking- fucking fairytale shit, but I thought that maybe you thought the same things that I thought about you and that maybe it would work, but-”

“What do you mean?! I like you, I just lost-” He started, trying to take your hand in his.

The panic quickly turned to anger as you ripped your hand away from him.

“Look at us, Remus! We’d be wasting our precious time!” you shouted harshly over him, your hand flying in the air. “You’re a bloody wizard!” you hissed at him. “And I’m not! I-I… I can’t do any of the things that you can do.”

“That doesn’t matter-”

“But it does, and that’s why I’m saying to forget about the whole fucking thing, okay?” You turned away from him, walking back toward the pub door. “Just forget about it.”

“I like you!” He raised his voice, catching your shoulder. “I don’t want to just forget!”

You whipped around to face him, pushing his hand off your shoulder. “You’re just saying that because you feel bad for me,” you said, your teeth ground together.

Remus huffed. “I lost your number.” He enunciated every word, his jaw clenched. “I already told you that.”

“You could’ve gotten it from Lily,” You countered loudly, gesturing toward the building where you knew she was still having the fun she had promised you. “You could’ve rang Lily up and specifically fucking asked her-”

“I did!” He shouted, startling you. You shut your mouth, blinking owlishly. “I asked her,” he said, quieter this time. “But, as you know, they moved about a month ago and she misplaced her phone book, and couldn’t remember it off the top of her head.” Tentatively, Remus held both your biceps, leveling with you so that he could look you right in the eye. He let out a shaky breath, and softly said, “I wanted to call you. Honestly… I-I wanted to show up at your flat with- with flowers o-or something, but that would’ve made me look-”

“Creepy,” you whispered pointedly, nodding. “I get it.”

He dropped your arms, looking away from you with his jaw still clenched. “I’m sorry I yelled at you,” he said earnestly. “I just… I just like you, okay? And I wanted to get my point across, but you weren’t listening, and-”

You could feel yourself begin to well up, and it wasn’t because he yelled at you. You yelled at him, and he hadn’t even done anything wrong. Your panic had gotten the best of you. It was a genuine misunderstanding, just like Lily told you. You were wrong about him, yet again.

Instead of hearing him out, you walked quickly back into the pub, ignoring the way he called your name as he tried to catch up to you.

“I’m going home,” you said thickly as soon as you found Lily.

“Are you crying?” She asked, pulling you toward her. “What happened?”

“Lily, it’s fine. I’m fine.” You said shakily, your mouth pressing into a line. “I just want to go home.”

“Do you want me to walk-”

“No,” you answered, wiping tears off your cheeks as you looked over your shoulder. “Just distract him, okay? I don’t need him following me.”

Lily’s eyebrows furrowed, but she nodded.

“I’ll call you later, okay?” You said, quickly kissing her cheek. “I love you.”

You didn’t even let her respond as you rushed through the crowd, leaving through the back door of the pub.

You felt like a complete idiot. You had made an ass out of yourself, and you were convinced that now none of them liked you due to what you did to their friend.

You couldn’t believe yourself. He had admitted his feelings for you, and you blew up in his face. Your heart sunk to the bottom of your stomach, joining the sour ache that made its home there two months ago.

Remus liked you, and you ruined it.

You stopped, looking up at the nearly moonless sky, sighing out the breath you had been holding in.

“Fucking idiot,” you muttered, and continued on your way home. Alone.

#remus lupin #remus lupin x muggle!fem!reader #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin angst #i'm not in love #harvest moon

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katsu28 · 7 months

Note

☕️ bradley ‘rooster’ bradshaw and "you know we need to talk." "about?" "i don't know...last night, maybe?"

bradley "rooster" bradshaw x mitchell!reader, mentions of vomiting, mentions of pregnancy, 1.9k

You shouldn’t have been here at Rooster’s place at this time of night. You should’ve been asleep, in bed, but instead you were here, knocking on his door in the middle of the night, all because you’d just discovered something not even two hours ago that would change the trajectory of not only your life, but probably Rooster’s too.

It took a while, but he finally pulled open the door after your incessant knocking, rubbing his eye furiously as he peered out at who the hell was knocking on his door at three in the morning.

His hair was a riot, brown curls sticking out every which way, eyes bleary. He’d been asleep—of course he was. Anyone in their right mind would be. Except you weren’t really in your right mind right now. You were damn near close to losing it, trying your hardest not to spiral.

“Y/N? What are you—why are you awake? What’re you doing here?” He yawned, scratching his chest groggily. When you didn’t answer, just stared at him like something was wrong, he gave his head a quick shake to wake himself up a bit. “Are you okay? What—come in, come inside, please.”

You obliged, stepping past him and over the threshold into his apartment wordlessly.

“Can I make you some coffee—no, coffee would probably be bad right now. Tea? Water?” He offered, gesturing you towards the kitchen. You settled at one of the barstools in front of the counter, leaning on your elbows, folding your hands. “Not really sure what this situation calls for. Seriously, are you okay? You look…not okay.”

“I’m pregnant.” You blurted. Well, there went easing into the conversation. Bradley’s eyebrows flew sky high. But wait, there was more! “And I’m pretty sure you’re the father.”

He blinked at you owlishly, utterly and completely dumbfounded. “Pretty sure? How sure is pretty sure?”

“Entirely sure, actually. You’re the only guy I’ve been with in a really long time, so either it was a ghost, or it was you.”

That was something you’d been wracking your brain for since the second you saw the three lines on the test. One night, four or five weeks ago, after some sort of celebration at the Hard Deck that you couldn’t even remember now.

You remembered leaving the bar with Rooster, taking him home with you, kissing him a lot. It was entirely consensual, that much you could recall. But anything after that up until when you’d first started to feel icky was a blank.

You honestly didn’t even consider the possibility that you were in fact pregnant until your friend suggested it yesterday. Which is why you took the test. Never did you once think it would turn out positive.

It wasn’t that you didn’t think Rooster would be a good father. In fact, out of everyone you’d hooked up with over the years, he was probably the best option. Not that you really had any option, at this point. It was simple, plain as day. You were pregnant, and Rooster was the father.

Rooster made a face. “Okay, gross. But you took a test? And it was positive?”

“No, it came to me in a dream.” You snapped, glaring at him. “Yes, I took a test! I took three—all positive!”

“Alright! Okay, that’s—wow, okay. That’s definitely…something to take in.”

“I don’t know what to do.” You said quietly, staring hard at the marble countertop.

“Look, it’s late, we’re both tired. We don’t have to do anything right now, we don’t need to make any decisions right now. We have time.” He replied, shaking his head. We. He kept saying we, like he was planning on sticking around. You weren’t sure how to feel about it. “Why don’t you stay the night here and we can talk about this more in the morning?”

You shook your head quickly. “No, I can’t, I have to be home to set up for the party—oh my god, the party! My dad.”

“Your dad? What—Y/N, I’m pretty sure he’ll understand. Mav’s more modern than you give him credit for.”

“Understand? Understand what?” You asked incredulously. Then you got what he was trying to say, and you let out a humorless laugh. “Rooster, we’re not telling him. We can’t tell him!”

Your dad’s birthday party was tomorrow, and there were so many things you had to set up and do, this was probably the worst time for you to deal with everything going on right now. It wasn’t every day Pete “Maverick” Mitchell turned sixty. You needed everything to be perfect, and this brand new unexpected news was definitely not that.

Rooster could tell you were starting to panic a little from the weight of everything, so he just went along with what you said, reaching over the counter to cover your hand with his. “Everything is gonna be fine, okay? Just get some rest. Please. Tomorrow’s gonna be a busy day, and you need to sleep.”

You nodded distractedly, barely registering him guiding you towards the guest bedroom and settling you into bed. And maybe you were more tired than you thought, because your eyes fell shut on their own accord, and you were out like a light before Rooster even had the chance to close the door behind him.

-------

The party was going great so far. There was food, music, all your dad’s Navy buddies. Everything was running smoothly, and you definitely weren’t thinking about your conversation with Rooster last night, or the fact that you left his house before the sun even rose to avoid talking about the situation even more.

That was a lie. You couldn’t stop thinking of it, even as you smiled at every one of your dad’s friends jostling him about how old he’d gotten to be completely unaware of the surprise party his daughter planned for him.

With every conversation about what you’d been up to in life lately, you thought about Rooster. The look on his face when you broke the news to him. The way he must’ve felt when he woke up and you were gone. He was probably mad at you, and you honestly couldn’t blame him.

Like he knew it was him on your mind, Rooster materialized next to you, busying himself with browsing the drinks in the cooler to make it look like everything was normal. “Y/N.”

“Enjoying the party?” You asked casually, crossing your arms over your chest. Rooster scoffed softly.

“You know we need to talk.”

Your smile wavered for a split second before returning in full force. You glanced over at him briefly, flicking from his very serious face then back to the party. “About?”

“I don’t know…last night, maybe? You left before I woke up.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit.”

“Nothing happened last night, Rooster.”

“So you’re telling me you’re not pregnant right now.”

“Keep your voice down.” You hissed. Rooster shot a pointed look at you and you caved, grabbing him by the arm and yanking him towards a more secluded area of the backyard. “You wanna talk? Fine. Talk.”

“You said the baby was mine. That’s not just something I can forget, Y/N.”

“And I’m not asking you to forget, I’m asking you to leave it alone for now. It’s my dad’s birthday, Bradshaw. Can’t we just let him have the day before we blow up his entire world?”

“Okay. Yeah, that’s fine. Dropping it for now.” Rooster conceded, holding his hands up in surrender. In reality, all he wanted to do was figure things out, but he could admit that this wasn’t quite the best place nor time to do it. “What can I do to help you right now?”

“I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“Whoa, hey, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to stress you out any more, I just—”

“No, Rooster, I’m—” You felt the bile rising in your throat alarmingly quick, and before you could even your sentence, you scrambled for the nearest bush to throw up.

“Oh shit!” Rooster lunged forward, gathering your hair out of your face back towards the nape of your neck as you let it all out. You felt the warmth of his hand on your back, rubbing smooth circles along your spine.

“Fuck.” You groaned, bracing your hands on your knees. “Please tell me no one saw that.”

“Uh…” Rooster’s voice was hesitant and you turned your head, only to be met with the one person you didn’t want seeing you like this. Just your luck that even up there in age, that Navy instilled situational awareness never faded.

“Honey? You alright?” Your dad looked beyond worried, and before you knew it, you were sat down on the living room couch with your father fussing over you, fluffing your pillows, covering you with a blanket, the works. Rooster was hovering over in the corner.

“Dad, I’m fine! I probably had some bad oysters or something at girls’ night yesterday.” You sighed, ducking away from his attempt at feeling your forehead. As much as you didn’t enjoy lying straight to his face, telling him it was most likely a pregnancy symptom was definitely out of the question. “Go back, enjoy your party, please.”

“I should really stay, what if—”

“I’m in good hands, Dad. Rooster’s got me covered.”

“I’ll take the best care of her, Mav, don’t you worry.”

“No doubt in my mind you will.” He clapped Rooster on the shoulder, giving him a sharp nod. He turned to you. “Drink something. Eat something. I’ll check back in later. Love you, sweetheart.”

“Love you too, Dad.”

After waving everybody back to the festivities with assurances that you just needed to lay down for a bit and would be just fine, Rooster reappeared in the doorway a little while later, this time bearing gifts.

“Crackers and ginger ale. Eat them, they’ll help.” He insisted, letting you take the plastic cup from him. “Stole them from the cooler and snack table. Who knew an old man’s birthday party would have just what I was looking for?”

You managed a meager smile, but when you took a tiny sip of the soda, you found that it actually did help a bit. “How’d you know what I needed?”

Rooster rubbed the back of his neck, pressing his lips together with a haphazard shrug. “My mom. When she got sick, they always seemed to help with the nausea. Made sure we were always stocked and ready for whenever she needed it.”

“I wanna keep the baby, Rooster.” You blurted. Rooster nearly choked on his own saliva in surprise.

“You—you do?”

“And I want you to be there every step of the way.” You continued, fidgeting with the stray thread at the edge of your blanket. He took a seat next to you on the couch, rubbing his hands over his legs nervously. “Only if that’s what you want, though. I’m not trying to force your hand or baby trap or anything like that. It’s your choice, completely. But…I’d like it if our kid knew their father. In whatever capacity you’re comfortable with.”

“So, like co-parents? Or…more?” Rooster said slowly, gauging your reaction with wide, almost nervous eyes.

“I’m open to more.” You replied. Maybe you were reading too much into it, but he seemed to look very pleased with that. “I don’t know what this is gonna be like, for either of us, but I like to think we’ll get through it all. Together.”

He nodded, sliding his hand into yours and squeezing. “Together.” What that together entailed, you weren’t all too sure. And although you were nervous as hell about what laid ahead, you were looking forward to finding out.

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#kait's 2k!#rooster bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw #rooster bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw x mitchell!reader #bradley bradshaw fic #rooster bradshaw fic

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garagesesh · 6 months

Text

intertwining your soul with somebody else

pairings: anakin skywalker & (f!)reader, anakin skywalker & padme amidala

summary: what has started as comfort has now spiraled out of control.

warning(s): sexual content, depression, pregnancy, affair

a/n: i wrote this two years ago and never published it

␛ to masterlist

✦ looking for more star wars stories? check out my planetarium series! ✦

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔ 　　　. 　　˚　　　　*　　　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　　　　　　　

It started years ago.

You were both still young, both on the precipice of the line, teetering between Padawan and Jedi Knights. Naïve and immature and both agreeing that it wasn’t hurting anyone.

It had began as a comfort, a coping mechanism after the loss of your master. Delving deep into the forbidden feelings of sadness, anger, hurt, desire. Finding only release within each other.

A mission on Daiyuu had gone wrong. It was supposed to be easy. In and out, collect the hostage and get out of there, but the force had other plans for you that day. Count Dooku had arrived and everything went to shit.

Devastation had enveloped your entire being, encapsulating you into being unable to move or eat for days. Cooped up inside your dark, messy room after given some time off by the Council. The Jedi weren’t being sympathetic, they were more afraid of you doing something stupid out in the field than actually giving you time to grieve.

So instead you watched.

You watched as life flourished and continued in the metropolis of Coruscant. Peering through the slats of your window from the confines of your mattress wrapped up in the standard issue duvet.

It was cruel, you thought watching as a family laughed in their speeder heading off to home, or a party, or anywhere. It was cruel that the galaxy could keep living, that you could keep living after someone is no longer breathing.

It wasn’t fair.

It had been two weeks before you remembered you were alive.

When he came to you first.

Making sure you were okay and had eaten something. It was what best friends did, right? Come to you in a time of need when you need them the most.

For hours there was silence between the two of you. A blank sheet of nothingness as he held you, as you both now watched the outside. Laying in bed for hours, the tears rolled onto his shoulder as he patiently sat and said nothing.

You weren't sure if you had made the first move.

Was it you laying your hand on his thigh or was it he making you laugh through tears for the first time in weeks?

He was good at that. Making you feel good.

Anakin looked down at you, surprised but not entirely by the gesture. The warm flesh of your hand against the thin fabric seeped through to his skin. You both knew then what was going to happen.

And you let it.

It was slow. Warm. Sweet, sincere, and innocent.

He stormed out of the room after.

You didn’t talk for two standard months before both agreeing that it was a mistake, hormones and sadness playing a part in the clash. Rendering you both not able to think straight.

He wanted to comfort you and it had worked.

A one time thing that would never happen again.

Until it did.

Again and again, until became a nightly occurrence. He would always come to you, never to his room. It’d always be the dead of night when you heard the door slide open, letting in the dim light of the hallway before it closed as fast and quiet as it had opened. He didn’t lead up to it anymore as he had in the early beginnings of the affair. His hand would no longer caress you. No hesitation when he took off your clothes.

It became primal.

Dirty.

Needy.

And most of all, it wasn’t love.

He’d constantly remind you of it. The impossible idea of love with him was something he screwed into your brain for the last three years.

Love was a bad word.

You knew of him and Padmé. It wasn’t so secret as he thought, as those close enough to him all knew about their own affair, but he was always worried you would say something to her. Tell her about your affair. Tell her about the way he would kiss you. Tell her the ways he would make you come undone. The way he had been inside you more times than he had been inside her.

And now the datapad in front of you held the weight of the galaxy in front of you. Eight small words crushed your entire being. Eight small words changed everything.

You were fucked.

“Not tonight.” You shrugged him off in doorway of your cabin on the Republic Cruiser you both were on, heading to Kamino for the oversight of extra troops to both of your legions.

“Why?” Anakin knew something was off, pushing himself into the small room.

“I’m not feeling up to it.” You sat down on the bunk, undoing your shoes, ready to put your swollen feet to rest.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired.” You waved him off.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Anakin.” He could never just take no for an answer.

“There’s something wrong. I can feel it."

“I’m fine.”

“You can tell me."

“I said I was fine.”

“Well you’re obviously not fine.”

“I really don’t feel like talking about it.”

“Why not? I’m your best friend.” You laughed at that.

“Best friend?! Anakin, you haven’t been my friend for years!”

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about!"

“You never do!” Standing up from the bunk, you went to confront him in his face. Giving him no leeway.

“I care about you!”

“You have never cared about me!”

“I’ve always cared!”

“No.” Your voice now barely above a whisper.

“No? You’re denying my feelings? Invalidating them?”

“That’s thick! You have invalidated me as a person for years!”

“How?”

“You have used me, my body, for three and a half years! Coming to me almost every night! Telling me it isn’t love, that I am just a device for your pleasure!”

“You enjoyed it too!”

“For a while, yes! But then you came back to me married, Anakin! You continued to go behind your wife’s back. Telling me that it was okay, that she’d never know! It kills me to even look at her because of what I've done to her!”

“What we have is good.” He quieted, his voice choking in his throat.

“What we have is you clinging on to a constant release and me clinging on to you because I’m scared that I’ll lose you completely if I stop letting you fuck me every night!” You headed for the door, trying to escape him before the tears you felt rising could fall.

“What?”

“And congratulations you’re a father.” You thrusted the datapad into his chest, storming out of the small cabin.

␛ to masterlist

✦ looking for more star wars stories? check out my planetarium series! ✦

#star wars #aight #this is shite #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker x you #one shot #star wars fic #padme amidala x anakin skywalker #anidala #this needs editing

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mayashesfly · 1 month

Note

Hi!!

I really love your idea with that Au where Vox forgot about Alastor. I hope you don't mind questions because I have a few 😅😅

Why did he erase his memories? Was it because it was too painful to remember, or was it because he couldn’t deal with the obsession anymore and wanted to move on?

What will Alastor do about this? How do the Vees react to this information? Like they obviously know Alastor unlike Vox.

Thank you for expressing your interest and asking! I'm glad you enjoy the idea ^w^

I have also made another post about Forgotten Radio AU here if you like to read that. Though do take note that some of the things I've said here and there may be subject to change as I flesh out this AU of mine in time.

For the first question, it's a mixture of the two.

Before Alastor left for seven years, Alastor and Vox had a fight that spiralled out of control which caused Valentino to intervene, causing Vox and Valentino's left antenna to be both be damaged because of Alastor's pettiness. After that, Alastor disappeared while Vox and Valentino was recuperating from that fight.

(Velvette didn't intervene despite already being a part of the Vees at this point since she feels like she doesn't have the right to because she doesn't know the full context of Alastor and Vox's previous relationship and what Vox and Valentino had been through. Vox and Alastor was already having their bitter rivalry and fighting by the time Velvette manifested in Hell)

A major part of my personal take on Vox's character is that he has this built-in need to constantly improve himself so he doesn't lose the things he has in his life.

Vox knows that his obsession with Alastor has been negatively impacting his life and those around him. Especially since it was because of a fight between him and Alastor that Valentino lost his antenna.

When he ended up in a depressive episode and constantly trying to look for Alastor everywhere with his cameras, he ended up neglecting his relationship with Valentino and Velvette. Even Voxtek took a hit since the wound was still raw (literally)

He was at a standstill and he needed an intervention.

Stat.

The first initial "memory wipe" was an impulsive harsh decision on his part. It was sloppy and rough since Alastor was so intricately tied into his early memories in Hell.

But it worked.

At least, for a little bit.

One day, Vox left his office, greeting Valentino and Velvette. The two commenting on the other's more cheery attitude.

At first, Vox was disoriented from the memory wipe. But it instantly improved his mood like never before. For once since that someone's disappearance who is that someone? his mind was completely clear.

Some of his early memories with Valentino was also spotty however. But it eventually smoothened out and he was able to clearly recall those moments of Val.

Though that was not all.

For some reason, he can't bring himself to renovate certain buildings under his name. He didn't really know why but when he saw a certain torn up photo inside of one of his drawers near his bed....

Memories of Alastor flooded back inside his mind and the brutal cycle went again.

It was only after cleanly cutting himself away from the picture did his next memory wipe became much more successful.

He kept the photo of Alastor for business and planning reasons only.

But now there was nothing showing on the picture that he had ever been involved with that demon.

He had been able to find the root of the problem which has caused the failed memory wipe. But now that he has that sorted out and have the appropriate safety and preventive measures to ensure that won't happen again...

Alastor would never take from him again.

Not when he can't ever remember him again.

While Vox is a technology demon, his soul is still human. So despite being able to theoretically erase his memories from his physical body, they're still there spiritually inside of him. Not all demons are given a physical brain after all.

I mean one of the Overlords is a skull on fire, there's probably not a brain there somewhere. And Vox can LITERALLY change his head. Not only that but I'm sure some Sinners got their brains fucked one way or another before fully regenerating, but they'll still probably retain their memory. So yeah, I'm going with the soul shenanigans route on this one.

One of Vox's "preventive measures" to ensure his memory wipe business won't unravel ever again is by wiping his short-term memory about any interaction and mention of the Radio Demon. It was inevitable that one of the Vees would question him about Alastor even after he informed them of his decision after all.

That's also the reason why after Val informed Vox about Alastor return and residence in the Hazbin Hotel that he forgot about him again and thought Alastor was a new upcoming Overlord during the meeting.

My apologies for the long winded explaining-turned-writing. That's just how my brain works when explaining these things :P

Now on your second question!

At first, Alastor would do subtle gestures in order to gain Vox's attention hopefully. However each failed attempt would make his frustration slowly grow and grow over time.

When Alastor caught sight of the painfully obvious Vox drones around the hotel, he purposefully posed in front of them a few times, hoping to finally gloat out the tv-headed demon from his hiding. Much to his growing annoyance and confusion though, nothing happened as the drones flew passed him due to the corrupting footage in order to clearly see what else was happening in the hotel. He did this for a few times a day in slowly increasing frequency for the entire week before Sir Pentious attacked the hotel again and proceeded to get fucked over for ruining Alastor's coat. Alastor barely letting the poor demon alive thanks to Charlie's pleas.

Alastor has missed Vox.

After his seven years of absence, the first place he went to was the very first store front he helped Vox to get and buy. The Radio Shack. At first, those picture boxes were the newest thing in town. And he didn't even stain them with the innards of his enemies!

But a certain broadcast brought him back to reality as to why he was able to go back to hell as he stared at the image of the Princess of Hell, Charlie Morningstar.

Vox has already sold some of the old tvs despite being stained and bloodied, unlike in Canon because of his lack of attachment.

Alastor was banking on Vox to notice his absence and do something about it just like old times. However a week of waiting and nothing had happened. Except for the new additions of drones around the hotel he resided in.

He thought by some point surely Vox would do something as he posed in front of the cameras subtly. But nothing happened for a week and Alastor started to feel confused because he didn't know if Vox was actually paying attention to him when those stupid flying things were just ignoring him!

(In my mind, the reason why Alastor looked mildly annoyed at Vox's broadcast in Stayed Gone was because he thought Vox would've confronted him directly instead of dissing him on the screen. It was a special occasion after all! He just came back from a seven year absence! But no. He still happily took the chance though and quickly ran/teleported back into his radio tower to diss him back)

After the confrontation between the two of them in the Overlord Meeting, it takes Alastor a while to puzzle out what Vox did to himself. He doesn't fully know that Vox actually completely wiped his memories of him but he does know that Vox doesn't seem to care about him anymore, even with their bitter rivalry and that hurt.

It was yet another thing that changed when it was somrthing he could always count on despite how fucked up that is.

His frustration starts being inflicted onto other people who were unfortunate enough to cross his path while he's fuming about this change (ei Sir Pentious and possibly Husker later down the line)

And his want to get back Vox's attention eventually escalates to him destroying some of Vox's properties by asking his Shadow. Starting small like a few drones and cameras, to some of the store fronts of his. (But never the Radio Shack. Never that.)

Even with Alastor's feelings about Vox ignoring him, he would never risk his reputation by overtly and directly trying to get Vox's attention by himself.

The only way I can see this plot between Alastor and Vox progress is when enough time has passed and Alastor's inhibitors and self-control snapped that he physically teleports himself into Vox's office to directly confront him. (It hurt to use his shadow to travel there with all the blinding lights but the hidden radio in his office helped to ease the stinging pain a little)

Or Vox directly involves himself with the Hazbin Hotel because he never sent in Sir Pentious himself and he still had to make sure that the Radio Demon, a previously powerful Overlord, wouldn't make a deal with the Princess of Hell of all people. (Unlike Canon Vox, he has enough tact to stay in the same room as Alastor to not need a proxy. On the topic of Sir Pentious, it's currently a toss up if he'll ever enter the Hazbin Hotel or not and fuck up the timeline big time)

Once Alastor realized just how badly Vox fucked up that he erased his memories of him, he would try his best to jog his memory.

But constantly having to reintroduce yourself to Vox because his memories of you keeo getting wiped away is excruciating.

"Are you new around here?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm sorry, I don't think we've met before"

"It's nice to meet the man helping Princess Charlie with her endeavor"

"Oh! So you're the Radio Demon himself?"

"I'm Vox from Voxtek, the Leader of the Vees. Nice to meet you"

So any of his progress, no matter how little or large would get erased the next meeting. Even if he just left his sight for even a moment....

It was going nowhere.

He can never ever reconnect with Vox ever again.

Just like he wanted.

Even as his friendship bloomed with the Princess and the residents, even as his powers and influence continue to grow, it was always back to square one with him.

He was so close, yet he was the farthest he's ever been to him.

"You've never cared about me, Alastor. What changed now?"

Now with the Vees, Valentino was rather furious and hurt the first time it happened. Vox didn't even consult him, didn't even say anything to him about this decision! And it hurt when Vox seemed to have also lost some of his memories of him. Velvette had also been enraged and confused about Vox's actions. It was needless to say they were both unnerved.

It took a while, but they got used to it and Vox getting back his memories of Valentino helped.

Vox was happier this way after all, and it wasn't like they can do anything to revert his decision even if it was done in impulse...

However, it had been difficult for them when Vox had a relapse after regaining his memoried of Alastor. The grief was raw and fresh again which didn't help matters.

This time around though, despite Vox's distressed state, they did talk about his decision and vowed to try to never mention the Radio Demon again. It still takes them some time adjusting though, and even Val falls through on his old habits sometimes.

They know it was Vox's decision and they respect that. Even if it hurts a bit, at least he was happy.

I hope this sufficiently answered your questions even if most ended up as writing instead of concise explanations. Thank you for asking these questions! It makes me happy to see you guys are interested! ^w^ ^w^

#may asher writes #may asher answers #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel alastor #radiostatic #voxal #silentstatic #Forgotten Radio AU #hazbin hotel vees #my apologies if there's any mistakes #it's currently late so i'll fix em later on #Thank you for asking! ^w^

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thatrandommatildafan · 2 months

Text

My contribution to the James Potter in a crop top fest

@ye-olde-trojan-horse it's here hehe (praying to every god out there he likes this because his writing is *chef's kiss*)

@croptopjames happy to serve this community 🫡

My Idiot

Word count: 1023

TW for mentions of transphobia and dysphoria, it's mostly people gossiping and Reg being insecure about his gender (are his insecurities based on mine? possibly 👀)

“Dora?”

Pandora opened her eyes.

It was late at night and everyone else in the dorm was asleep, if Pandora went by the snores of Barty who was practically laying on Evan, and the smile Dorcas always made when she was dreaming.

It was one of their monthly sleepovers, since, with Dorcas not getting along well with the girls in her dorm and Pandora being in Ravenclaw, they didn't get the chance to meet up apart from meal times and classes. They’d organized their first sleepover together in second year, when Dorcas had come into the boys’ dorm saying she’d had a nightmare, and Barty sent Regulus to get Pandora, since he was the only one able to solve the puzzle needed to open the common room. They spent the whole night in Barty’s bed, holding onto each other for comfort.

It was now 4 years later, and Pandora turned their head around to see Regulus, who was the one who’d called her. He looked worried.

“Yes?” Pandora asked. Regulus usually didn't talk this late at night, especially with other people around.

“You know how i’ve been out to the school for a few weeks?”

Pandora frowned. She didn't like the way this was going. “Yes?”

“I’m a bit afraid of wearing the male uniform. In front of everyone, I mean.”

“Oh.” Pandora couldn't help but relax. They smiled softly.

After Regulus ran away two months ago, he was able to come out as trans to the whole school, and simultaneously make his relationship with James public. There were some negative reactions, but those were toned down pretty fast by James and his friends. Regulus still struggled to talk to Sirius, but he was slowly getting closer to the Gryffindors, especially Lily and Remus.

“Do you want to talk about it?”Regulus silently nodded, before taking a deep breath, and diving in.

“I feel like an imposter every time I make sure to look masculine. If I was an actual boy, I wouldn't need to make such an effort to look like one. I know it’s just my brain talking, but it’s still hard to ignore.” He lowered his head.

Pandora placed their hand on his shoulder. “Do I look feminine sometimes?”

Regulus looked back up at her. “Yes.”

“And do I have to do stuff like wear a binder or wear masculine makeup so people see me more as androgynous?" “Yes."

“Does that make my identity any less valid?”Regulus sat up, frowning. “What? No!”

Pandora laughed, bringing him down to a laying position to avoid waking up the others. “And that applies to you as well. You can wear the uniform now, or tomorrow, or never. It’s your choice. But do it because you want to, not because others want you to.”

Regulus relaxed, and put his hand on Pandora’s. “I love you.”

They couldn't help but smile. “I love you too, Reg.”

***

the next morning

As Regulus walked into the Great Hall, wearing the male uniform, he couldn't help but notice a few whispers from people looking over at him. He took a deep breath, remembering Pandora’s words, and walked to his assigned spot at the Slytherin table, between Dorcas and Barty.

The two of them welcomed him, and, with the help of Evan, properly hid him off from the other tables and cussed off the ones who dared to look. Regulus looked down at his plate, feeling self conscious, and stared at the table as he felt the looks of others digging into his skin.

He started to regret his choice, even considering going back to his dorm right now. He repeated Pandora’s words of comfort as a mantra in his head, hoping to empty his mind.

He was taken out of his spiraling by the sound of a door opening suddenly, and talking all around the room. He whipped his head up, and what he saw was one of the most unexpected but delightful sights he’d ever encountered.

James was walking to his table as usual, except for the small detail that caused every student to whisper along themselves and a few wolf whistles to fly through the room.

James was wearing a crop top. A fucking crop top.

Along with his usual uniform trousers, he was wearing an old Quidditch jersey that was cut up to his belly button. And Salazar on a cross did he look good in it.

Regulus looked around for any form of clue as to why his boyfriend was parading in a crop top, and all he found was Pandora's eyes, looking at him from the Ravenclaw table with a knowing grin on her face.

They told him.

Regulus could feel his cheeks heating up as he saw James casually sit down at the Gryffindor table as if everything was normal, and couldn't help but stare at his boyfriend more than usual, that is.

“What’s up Regulus? Not feeling so well? Your cheeks are a bit too red, you must be sick.”

Regulus turned his head to see Barty with a face-splitting grin on his face, then turned the other way to see Dorcas and Evan looked the same

they were all in this. Dumbasses.

Regulus felt a smile climb up on his face.

They did this for me. So I wouldn't feel bad.

“But hey, At least I can see the appeal now. I get it, Potter’s smoking hot. Would you mind sharing, actually?”

And fuck no. That was not possible, in any sort of way.

Regulus only now realised all of the whistles going around the room, and he got up without a thought.

He shrugged off Barty’s calls and practically ran up to the Gryffindor table.

As he arrived close to James’ spot, his boyfriend looked up with a smile. “Hi, Reg! You-” James was interrupted as Regulus grabbed him by the collar, forced him up on his feet and kissed him in front of the whole school, one hand on his collar and the other at the back of his head.

As they parted away, James now a blushing, stuttering mess, Regulus smiled.

“You’re an idiot.”

My idiot.

#this is so short #but it's sweet #I like it #marauders #jegulus #croptopjamesfest #marauders era #fanfic #james x regulus #i love genderqueer pandora

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daisha-mochizuki · 2 months

Text

ranting time for my 100th post

Okay. I need to scream to someone.

As an autistic person myself/someone's who is *most definitely* on the spectrum, I find that I am becoming more self aware, thus becoming aware of other people's autistic/neurodivergent behavior.

Continuing on with that information...

Does anyone else think/agree with me if I were to say that there's a pretty high chance Izuku is autistic, or at least on *some sort* of the neurodivergent spectrum??? Maybe someone else has said it before I don't know but I went on an entire spiral last night as I was trying to come up with ideas for an AU I'm doing😓

But, just listing some of the stuff he does that I personally do that I know is a hyperfixation:

Hyperfixates (most obvious being All Might/Toshinori Yagi [who could also be a special interest not just a hyperfixation], but also the other heroes and even villains)

Constantly trying to be optimistic about things/MASKING.

Immense guilt weighing you down when you think you've done something wrong even if it's something as small as putting something in the wrong spot by accident

Having hundreds of notebooks and other things to keep track of data from hyperfixations/special interests

Collecting objects of hyperfixtion/merchandise and shtuff for hyperfixations

Having a strict schedule/routine to follow (his training schedule *cough cough*)

RAMBLING NON-STOP ABOUT SPECIAL INTERESTS/HYPERFIXATIONS

When we look at Izuku's rooms, there's obviously the All Might special interest. We know all about his notebooks, and (if I'm remembering correctly) there are thirteen of them. While to some it may not seem like much (maybe idk I don't have normal interactions with people), those notebooks are filled to the *brim*. There's also *more* notebooks than that, as there's ones about his classmates, and ones about OFA, and other stuff as well.

When he was training, yes I know All Might made the routine for him, but Izuku took the routine and made it his own and followed it everyday (even though it grew unhealthy).

Izuku is honestly just a kid who doesn't know how to have a normal human interaction unless he is put in charge and is under a sort of stress in his brain. It may not seem stressful to others, but in order to have the "confidence" to be in charge, his brain creates stressors in order to function "correctly" in those situations.

He studies and trains obsessively, and is a people pleaser to all extents.

There's probably more that I could talk about, but *I've* been rambling here for a little while here now😭😭

Hope my ramblings made sense :D

(Also yayyyyyy 100 posts😭👍)

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doin-just-fine · 19 days

Text

MAJOR UPDATE: Questioning systems or systems in a doubt spiral pls read.

I recently told my therapist about potentially being a system. This was a scary move because she has previously had some iffy takes about systemhood. But I told her because I trusted that she would meet me where I was at and help me navigate , at the least, the general idea of not understanding my own brain if nothing else which I was ok with. I told her and it went as expected. I explained why I thought I might be a system but also the doubts I had about it and how it was distressing me to not understand myself. She agreed to use the language I was using for it and was happy to help me through (as is her job) and also because whether it was systemhood or not it was something in me that was trying to be seen and we would work on figuring out what it was.

Fast forward a few session, and I was going through another bout of "what the fuck even is my brain". I was starting to realize that my "systemhood" is very different from the things I've been seeing online. In the ways that it's different to other systems is: - I'm always in the front, always in the captains chair - I have no amnesia because I never switch out - My hyper-vigilance never lets me dissociate fully though i definitely "check out" in my own way - Head mates just feel like vague ideas or emotions

But the ways that are similar are: - These vague ideas or emotions have opinions and feelings that are different from my own. - Though they are vague, I can definitely tell they are separate from what I have come to understand as "me" - I become "a different person" in the sense of my attitude, vibe, behavior, and opinions change from where they were 5 mins ago, but I am still me, just a different me.

Anyway, I was already trying to make sense of all of this and was not planning on talking about it with my therapist because nervous... However, my therapist ask me about it first. She asked some clarifying questions about my partners system vs my own and how they are different. When I explained what I just wrote above to my therapist she said "Thats what I thought and I owe you an apology."

Basically, my therapist, like any good therapist should when confronted by something they don't know a lot about, had been doing research on complex forms of trauma and coping. Things in the same vain as CPTSD and Plurality including those two topics. She had specifically been reading a book called "The Body Keeps The Score" (TW it is a book about trauma and studies of trauma so it has details of case studies that some people may find incredibly triggering). I did some research on what exactly the book was talking about in regards to "systemhood" and from what I've found, chapter 14 at the end of a section called "Writing to yourself" and the first parts of chapter 17 have interesting information regarding systemhood and how its not entirely limited to things that are diagnosable like DID or OSDD. It seems to talk about how we all have several selves and trauma can get in the way of those selves communicating effectively. My therapist told me about this book and what she learned from it and apologized to me because the book made her realize that she was wrong and that I was in fact a system....

The session ended and I just kind of sat there... not sure how to feel but definitely feeling relief and validation.

After doing research on the book to write this I have some words of wisdom: If you are a questioning system or are doubting your validity remember this: The human brain is such a complex organism and no one actually understands how it does anything beyond physical functionality... the conceptual abilities of our mind are a mystery. How we define self is just theory. If you don't fit into boxes, labels, identities, or diagnoses that does not mean your experiences aren't real. You're going to be ok. Understand YOUR mind and how it works for YOU, not through a label or diagnosis. I am a system. Simply. No types, labels, or diagnosis. I am a system. I may not have people in my head in the traditional sense but I'm also not alone up here either. I am a system. I am a system. I am a system. Nobody has the right to deny me this for they do not live behind my eyes.

As I understand myself: I am a system.

#median system #questioning system #plurality #system #actually plural #actual system #actually median #questioning median system #plural community #neurogenic

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deathbxnny · 1 year

Note

Ever since the first time I saw Welt in Star Rail this is stuck in my head. Since Welt ended in the star rail universe other people could’ve done the same. Imagine someone from the PE (and can percieve the Honkai energy like the Valks ) who ended up the same way a March 7th (trapped in weird ice) and when they wake up and see Welt they don’t know that Herrschers can be human friendly, since Welt can still use his materialisation powers I assume he’s still got residual Honkai energy and when they feel it they’re like "DIE HERRSCHER !!" Or something like that

Take this however you want, as a request (if you have inspiration) or as a ramble.

-----♡

A/N: First of all, I absolutely love the way your brain thinks! This is honestly hilarious to think about and so I decided to make a little something with it. I hope you don't mind me making it kinda into a Welt x reader thing!

Content: Enemies to lovers, fluff ending, angst(?)

Featured characters: Welt and some of the other Astral Express members)

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not fully proofread, so I'm sorry for any mistakes!))

-----♡

☆《From beyond this world. (Welt x PE!Reader)》☆

-----♡

You groaned, when bright light hit your eyes, blinding you for a moment. Your head spun, so many thoughts swirling through your head and yet non made sense. What happened? You dared open your eyes once more, the buzzing of many voices finally reaching your ears.

"-Hey, can you hear us?" A voice rang out, yet you couldn't respond just yet and instead just weakly hummed. When your vision finally cleared, you stared up at what seemed to be a wooden ceiling. Where were you...?

"Oh, good, they are awake! Phew, I thought they wouldn't ever wake up!" A pink haired girl next to you sighed, offering you a smile, when you looked at her with furrowed confused eyes. "Where..." You started, yet your voice broke, as though it wasn't used in so long.

This confused you, since the last thing you remember was talking to some colleagues... something exploded... and then... what happened then?

"You're currently the Astral Express. We found you floating through space in a giant block of ice and rescued you. Do you have any injuries or pain?" A red haired woman asked you, yet all you could do was stare. Your brain couldn't process that information at the moment, as it just made no sense to you.

You tried pushing yourself up to sit, the carpeted floor you laid on proving to be quite uncomfortable as time went on. The girl helped you in doing so, a friendly smile always on her face. "There you go... my name is March 7th by the way! And this is Himeko!" She said, quickly showing you how naturally energetic she is. It would've been comforting, if you didn't feel dread course through your veins all of a sudden.

Himeko gave you a small smile and asked you something, but you couldn't hear her over the ringing in your ears. Your eyes were suddenly focused on a man standing behind her, your breathing picking up fast. That man... he had some honkai energy surrounding him. No, not only that... you could feel it clearly all of a sudden... he was a Herrscher.

You panicked, your body moving faster than your rapidly spiralling mind, as you attempted to attack him. You grabbed a blade out of your pocket, practically violently throwing yourself at him. All exhaustion and dizziness left you in that moment, your only thought being the elimination of what you considered a pest.

"DIE HERRSCHER!" You screamed, before you were roughly restrained by the others in confusion and panic. A young man you hadn't seen before was struggling to keep you back with March 7th, as you were surprisingly strong. The Herrscher on the otherhand just stared at you in near surprise for a moment, before a flicker of recognition glinted in his eyes.

Sudden exhaustion hit you again pretty fast, your body not used to moving so much anymore, your head lulling forward as you panted weakly. "H-Hey! What are you doing? Calm down!" March yelled in panic, yet stopped, when the man raised his hand to silence her for a moment.

He approached you, leaning down a little to be at eye level with you. You glared into his eyes, fear and anger coursing through you. You couldn't understand any of this. Why were these people defending a vile creature like him? He suddenly raised his cane and gently tapped your forehead, his warm eyes being the last thing you saw, before you eventually passed out.

---

It had been a month since then. Turns out, that you were in a completely different timeline and galaxy now, far away from any actual Honkai threats. And the Herrscher's name was Welt Yang, a surprising calm and kind man, who was nowhere near the threat you at first perceived him to be.

Luckily, no one questioned your words regarding Welt, mainly because they thought you were just losing it, after being trapped for so long. And so, when everyone was too far away to listen in on you two, Welt told you about everything you didn't know regarding him and Herrschers.

It took you a while to even process the idea of "friendly Herrschers" and you admittedly still didn't trust the man for a couple days at first. But he was surprisingly very understanding and patient, which made you feel nearly guilty for attacking him in the first place.

After spending two weeks on the Astral Express and spending time mostly with him, albeit against your will at first, you actually became closer... nearly friends somehow. It seemed like you had alot more in common than you had initially thought and whilst him having some honkai energy in him did still worry you... you began looking past that quite fast.

How could you not, when he was so nice and gentle with you, quelling your fears and worries, telling you that you had nothing to worry about anymore here. It felt eventually comforting to be close to him. He was technically the only one left from your old world, old life in a way. And you began appreciating him after a month.

Soon enough, you also became apart of the Astral Express and usually kept to Welt's side as somewhat of an assistant, which only drove you two closer.

---

"How do you like the tea?" Welt hummed, watching you sip on your cup with intent interest. You hummed in satisfaction, a small, content smile on your lips. "I like it, the flavour is new, but good." You said, earning a nod from the man.

You both sat in the comfortable silence in what was Welt's room, your eyes glued to the large windows and the galaxies that passed you by through them. It was relaxing and so comforting to you. So much so, that you didn't notice the fleeting glances the man gave you.

"... I'm sorry for attacking you." You hummed, closing your eyes at the relaxing bliss you felt. Welt chuckled, his eyes never leaving your face. "It's alright, I understand. Hopefully I made a good enough impression for you not to do it again?" He joked lightly, earning an amused chuckled from you now.

"Yeah... you have. I actually love you now-" You stopped yourself, your eyes snapping open in surprise at your own words. Who would've thought, that you'd ever say such words to a Herrscher? You glanced at Welt, who only gave you a soft smile in return, the dim light of his room hiding the faint redness on his cheeks and the tips of his ears, which you still noticed.

He chuckled, his eyes glinting in amusement. "Well, I feel the same about you. I'm glad, that we have so much in common." He said, making you smile and relax. Humming, you raised the cup back to your lips, your eyes glancing back at him teasingly.

"I'm glad too."

-----♡

A/N: Thank you again Anon for your beautiful thoughts! I hope, I did your idea justice!<33

♡Requests are always appreciated!♡

#honkai impact 3rd #honkai star rail x you #hsr x reader #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #welt yang x reader #welt yang

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parrythisucasual · 7 months

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I love your Tadc fics so much 🤭🤭 is it possible you could write a Ragatha x female reader who does trapeze for the circus? 💞

Ragatha x Fem! Trapeze Artist! Reader

So this ask really made me get my brain going!! I’m absolutely hyped and hope you love it, dearest anon!!!!

When you had come, a new room of the circus had been added. Your own special flying trapeze stood alone in its own room. The swings are high above the ground, the risk would be immense if you could actually die here. But, you couldn't, therefore love it. The feeling of flying, the rush it gave you, it was addictive.

From the ground below, as you flipped through the air, you noticed a familiar redheaded ragdoll watching. She was a bit of a distance away, if she’d get closer she could see better. You grunt, swinging yourself up to a sitting position, “Rags?”

She waved from far below, “Oh, hey, (Y/N)! Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I didn’t think you’d see me from there.” You laugh, “Why didn’t you want me to see you?” you question, head tilting slightly. She steps closer to the trapeze set, “I didn’t want to throw you off or anything. I think I might’ve, though,” she jokes as she gestures to your now resting form. You shrug, “I only stopped to ask if you wanted to get closer, actually.”

“Oh, was that all? Good, I thought I ruined it!” she stares up at you, eyes- er, eye- wide and earnest, “so you’ll keep going?” You nod, allowing yourself to fall backward, but catch yourself with your knees, now hanging upside down.

“How can I not perform for you, Rags?” you call, swinging yourself back and forth to get the momentum you need. Soon enough, you’re back at it, swinging and flipping through the air as if you could fly. Your movements were fluid, seemingly effortless, sending you spiraling into the air.

All too soon, you called it quits. Well, soon being a good half an hour. You hung upside down a moment longer, then got an idea, “Rags!” you called mischievously, “catch me!” and let yourself fall.

YOu hear her yelp in fear through the whistling in your ears. You land, although not on the ground, You’d fallen safely into her arms. She stared at you, face lined with panic, “What was that for?! You could’ve gotten yourself killed!” she yelped.

“No I couldn’t’ve,” you remind her, reaching up and flicking a lock of her yarn-hair, “remember?” She seemed to relax a bit, “Still… what a Jax move,” she sighed. She noticed your breat pressed up against her chest and her face went pink, “I thought I was going to lose you,” she continued, distracting herself.

“Lose me? Are you kidding? I’d never leave you,” you grin, shrugging a bit. She suddenly yanks you into a hug, much to your surprise, “Just never do that agin, okay?” she whispered, “you mean too to me much to go scaring me like that.”

“I… mean too much… to you?” you repeat, almost dazed, “I mean too much?” She pulls away, face turning pink as she finally sets you down, “I-I meant, like as a friend! Or -crud- not a friend, a-a super cool best buddy? Not buddy, sh(beep) I’m ruining it- Nothing, it’s- it’s nothing, nevermind!” she babbled, waving her hands a bit.

You giggle a bit, feeling your own face heat up, “I think you’re a super-cool-buddy-thing too,” you hum, rubbing the back of your neck. Her head snaps up, her eye meeting yours, “You…?” she trails off.

“So… do you wanna maybe grab something to eat and go down to the digital lake? On a date?” You ask, shuffling your weight from foot to foot. She nods, “I’d love to…” She reaches out, taking your hand, and the two of you head off, ready for what the day brings.

#the amazing digital circus #tadc #tadc x reader #tadc ragatha #ragatha x reader #the amazing digital circus ragatha

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seresinsbabe · 1 year

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Singing Again

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x fem!reader

Synopsis: Bob notices the first big change after you start fighting your depression.

Warnings: depression, mentions of suicide and passive suicidal ideation, therapy, treatment of depression, angst, fluff. basically if anything in the realm of depression is triggering for you don't read this.

I do not consent to having any of my work shared on any other platform. If you see any rendition of my works on another site know that it has been posted without my permission.

THIS BLOG AND ITS WORKS ARE 18+ MINORS DNI

Depression is depicted so differently in media. Growing up all the commercials depicted it as constant crying, the overwhelming need to end it all, and the cliches you now knew it not to be. And sure – maybe for some that’s exactly what it was. Not for you, though.

You can’t remember exactly when it started. Maybe it was when your grandma died so suddenly of cancer that hadn’t been found until it was too late. Or maybe it was when you watched your parents' marriage fall apart while you were trying to navigate high school. When you became the shoulder to cry for your mom at the ripe age of sixteen. For your entire life you had been pouring from an empty cup, making sure you were keeping everyone else together while you continued to crumble. Regardless of when it first happened it was here now.

Depression for you was not what it looked like as a kid. For you it was no appetite. Not eating even when you knew you had to. Foods you once drooled over made your stomach churn. How many nights had you spent driving around aimlessly in your town, crying to the songs that took you back to your childhood with a pack of cigarettes? Trying to ease the pain, let some of it out through tears and sobs down dark back roads.

Your friends had noticed how much the shadow had creeped over you. Your boyfriend, Bob, he’d noticed too. While he didn’t quite understand, he was there for you. When you brought up therapy he was supportive in a way you hadn’t expected him to be. For so long you had avoided it. Convincing yourself that if you got an official diagnosis, if you heard someone actually tell you that there was something wrong with you that everyone would leave.

Bob was nervous for you, he knew it wasn’t going to be easy. He knew there were things from your childhood you hadn’t told him about. Things he had never pressed you to tell him about. Honestly he was worried that as soon as you cracked open your chest, poured everything out and realized that it might hurt that you would stop going. And that you would spiral even deeper.

It was scary. God you were so scared that first session. Afraid that if you opened up too much that you would grant yourself a ticket for a seventy-two hour hold. It wasn’t that you wanted to do anything to yourself, you knew you never would. Or at least you didn’t think you ever would, but depression was a sneaky bitch. However you were passive about it. You didn’t exactly have an aversion to some horrific accident happening and taking you out. Some days that sounded better than others.

It wasn’t that you’d had a hard life. Other’s had certainly had it harder. You had a great group of friends, a good job, a loving partner. Everything you needed. It felt wrong to even consider yourself depressed. To even want to end it when there were other people that lacked even the basic needs for survival. But you did feel that way and you didn’t want to feel this way anymore.

To your surprise your therapist had told you that was common. In fact it was called Passive Suicidal Ideation. So you started on the path to getting better. Sessions two times a week that would hopefully eventually taper down and medication to fix the chemical imbalance in your brain.

Months went by and while you didn’t notice a huge difference, you noticed you were a bit better. It wasn’t until about month four that Bob noticed the biggest change in you.

He’d just woken up on the first day of his leave. The warm morning sun lighting up the bedroom, the smell of breakfast in the kitchen and…singing. His heart skipped a beat. It had been so long since he heard you singing. Actually it was when he realized you stopped that his concern for your mental state had really started to increase.

Throwing the covers off himself his feet carried him out to the kitchen. He wanted to find out if he was really hearing what he thought he was. Sure enough, he was. You stood in the kitchen, in nothing but one of his t-shirts that was big enough to be dress length on you, hair up in a bun as you sang and flitted around the kitchen.

In a few strides he was over to you and pulling you into his arms, breathing your scent in and squeezing you tightly against him.

“Oh, good morning to you too, Handsome.” You giggled, unsure of what caused such an intense good morning.

“You're singin’ again.” His voice sounded a bit weak, like he was crying. You pulled away, looking up at him to find that his eyes were watery. There were some streaks on his cheeks where a tear or two had escaped. “I-I didn’t think I’d ever hear it again.” He choked out, his tearful eyes boring into your own.

It didn’t take you long to realize what he meant by that and you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding in. Your lips formed a soft smile as your own eyes started watering. “Yeah Bobby, I’m singing again.” You let out another shaky breath. Not because you were sad, but because you were happy. You were getting better, you were coming back into yourself again.

Bob’s lips found yours and he squeezed you against him again. “I love you so fuckin’ much, darlin’.” He whispered when he pulled away.

“I love you too Bobby, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

“Good. Wanna hear that voice every day, for the rest of my life. You got it?” With a soft giggle you nodded.

“Got it, Lieutenant.” You giggled harder at the groan he let out while you pried yourself out of his grasp. Breakfast was still cooking, you could celebrate later.

#bob floyd #robert bob floyd #bob floyd x reader #bob floyd angst #robert floyd #robert floyd x reader #tgm angst #bob top gun

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ghoulbullets · 10 days

Text

what lead me to discovering im aromantic?

for the longest time the idea of aromanticism has been in the back of my mind. i have had partners before. ive dated men, women, gnc people.. and every long term relationship i have been in had ended in me "self sabotaging" in one way or another. id spiral down this rabbit hole of craving the intimacy of a romantic relationship then, once i have it, losing any and all feelings for the person. and i have always blamed it on my borderline personality disorder. it was always easier for me to think my mental health made it impossible for me to stay in love with someone and not the fact that its just how i am.

i have been in denial for years about this. because when you think of being aromantic you think of someone who does not want a romantic relationship in any way shape or form. and it feels very limiting. especially when i first learned of the label when I was 14 or 15. i thought it was "too much to commit to" because "what if i do find someone?". and i know that other identities exist in the aromantic spectrum. demi-romantic is probably closer in definition to what i want to feel, however aromantic describes how i actually go about my relationships.

now to more recent times. ive been off and on various dating apps ever since I turned 18. and ive matched with so many people, but i never went on dates with anyone i met. except for recently. i matched with an ex coworker from 2021. he messaged me. and we hung out that weekend and then every weekend for 4 weeks. which isnt a lot but i was obsessed with him immediately and i will admit i lovebombed him. i spent the first two weeks we talked sending him silly lovey dovey memes, i made him a playlist, and talked about him to my friends. i remember exactly when i started pulling away from him. after our last hangout we made out and also talked about what we want from a relationship, things along those lines. a week later i brought to his attention the fact that im asexual. because part of me hoped it would put him off. it was hard for me, an asexual trans man, to think a cis man could be attracted to me as a man and not just for my female body.

after weeks of giving him dry responses and eventually falling into a pretty severe depression, i started thinking more. mainly about my past relationships. i thought maybe I was t4t (which I am). but then I also thought back to my previous t4t relationships and how I felt almost the same loss of interest after a while.

which has now lead me to this. pouring out my brain to strangers on tumblr to try to figure out if I'm aromantic, and if I am, finding people who share this experience.

i hope this exploring gives me something to ease my anxiety a bit. and i hope anyone following along can see some sort of themself in my mess. so we both feel less alone in the world.

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #lgbtq #queer #t4t #transgender

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a-strange-inkling · 1 year

Text

Hellcheer Ten Years Later/Recovery AU…

(So this tragic idea is eating away at my brain and distracting me. Thought I’d jot it down here for maybe a future story or inspiration).

tw: mentions of drugs, alcohol, addiction, od, eds and attempted s*icide.

There was never any Vecna or Upside Down, never a drug deal at an abandoned picnic table in the forest behind the school, and Eddie and Chrissy never met again after that fateful Middle School Talent Show. After graduation, Eddie did just what he said and ran like hell out of Hawkins and never looked back.

It’s 1996 and Eddie made a decent career for himself, touring and opening for big names, but always felt this unhappiness inside of him, this void that no amount of sex, drugs and rock and roll could ever fill. In his late twenties the drugs and alcohol spiral out of control to the point he wakes up in the hospital after an accidental OD.

Wayne takes him home and begs him to get help, try to recover, that he doesn't have the strength to bury any more family members. For his uncle's sake, to repay him for taking him in as a kid, Eddie eventually gives in and admits himself into a private recovery center somewhere in the hills of Illinois.

It’s rural and quiet, filled with rich and semi famous addicts. Eddie hates it upon entry… and well the withdrawal, being told what to do on a daily basis, and the group therapy doesn’t warm him up to it.

One morning, feeling weary and miserable, he takes a long walk outside on one of the trails. He stops in his tracks, pretty sure he’s hallucinating when he sees Chrissy Cunningham, the former Queen of Hawkins High and his crush of eight years, reclined on a bench, reading under one of trees... And she’s reading The fucking Hobbit of all things.

Stupefied, he slowly approaches and it’s actually her, thinner than he remembers if that’s possible, those sparkling blue eyes now dull, gray... sad. "Chrissy?" he asks in disbelief, startling her terribly.

“Sorry, sorry... I didn’t mean to scare you.”

She stares up at him with haunted eyes, trembling a little. It unsettles him for a moment, and he thinks he should just walk away, leave her alone... but he stays, tries again. Desperate. “Uh hey, hi…" Very smooth. "You probably don’t remember me; but we went to high school together—"

“Eddie Munson.” she replies softly in astonishment, eyes widening.

And for the first time in he doesn’t know how long, he feels life and warmth inside him again as they talk and reconnect on the bench, beneath the leaves. She’s still so beautiful. Sweet and kind. He makes her laugh and the sound causes his heart to skip a beat in his chest, only for it to sink a moment later when he notices the wedding ring on her finger, but he doesn’t let it show.

She’s Chrissy Carver now. She married Jason right after graduation and studied at IU with him for four years before moving back to Hawkins to be near her parents and start a family. She grows quiet and reserved, her smile disappearing when she mentions her husband. He watches as she recoils back into herself. She tells him that she's been struggling with an ED half her life as well as addiction and depression.

Jason admitted her into rehab after her last failed s*icide attempt earlier that spring. She’s been there for almost four months now.

Eddie listens silently as she slowly opens up to him. It’s awful to think that someone like her ended up in a place like this. Her life seemed so perfect back in school.

He asks if she’s found any healing during her stay.

She shrugs her shoulders saying that she’s away from her mother, so that is healing in and of itself.

They walk and talk together every day after that, sharing their scars and the dark ugly parts of their lives that led them there, finding companionship in one another.

He plays his music for her in exchange for her poems and thoughts. Falling in love in the most unlikely way in the most unlikely of places.

#hellcheer #eddie x chrissy #eddissy #munningham #chrissy x eddie #hellcheer fanfiction #hellcheer fanfic #fic ideas

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liesyousoldme · 2 years

Text

the steady fall

[Buck/Eddie | 5661 words | Rated E]

Eddie confesses his love for Buck; Buck spirals. Or, the Buck Sexuality Crisis Fic

For Buck, the words come out of left field. He's in the passenger seat of Eddie's truck, which, while it doesn't happen terribly often, isn't that out of the ordinary, and they're parked in front of Buck's loft. They're not really the type to sit in the car and talk before going inside, so when Eddie's hand on his arm stops him from getting out, he's a little thrown.

"What's up?" He asks, fingers curling around the door handle.

"I wanted to talk to you about something," Eddie says, and the words sound deliberate, almost rehearsed. Buck's stomach twists uncomfortably.

"Okay, well why don't you come inside and we can have a beer -"

"No," Eddie interrupts. Buck lets go of the door handle. "I think it's best if I say this here."

Buck frowns. He tries to think back on their evening, if he'd done something that might've upset Eddie, but he can't think of anything. They'd just gone out for burgers and then gotten ice cream, and Buck had assumed Eddie would come into the loft for a beer or two and they could pretend to watch sports and spend the whole time just talking about stupid shit. Eddie seems to have a different idea.

"You're kind of freaking me out," Buck says honestly.

"Sorry." He frowns, eyes darting all over the cab of the truck, never landing anywhere specific. "I'm uh - I'm a little nervous, but… Well. There's something that I want to tell you. About me. And then there's something I want to tell you… About me and you. And I want to do it in a way that makes you comfortable, so I figure this way… Well, you can just get out of the car and I can drive away."

"None of that made me feel any better," Buck admits warily, his stomach in knots.

"Right," Eddie says awkwardly. He takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly, eyes on the steering wheel. Then he turns to Buck and says, "I'm - fuck, I still don't know what word to use. I - I like men. Like. Sexually. Romantically.”

Buck instantly feels like a balloon that's been popped, all the tension melting away in an instant. "God, Eddie, is that it? You had me worried you were like, dying or something! That's great! I'm so proud of you, dude! I hate that you felt nervous about telling me but -"

"That's not everything."

Buck closes his mouth. Eddie looks kind of like he's about to puke. Suddenly the tension returns tenfold.

"Okay," Buck says slowly, when Eddie doesn't elaborate. "What else is there? Do you - do you have a boyfriend?"

Eddie lets out what sounds like a mixture of a snort and hiccup, and Buck watches him nervously.

"I don't have a boyfriend, Buck," Eddie says, then even quieter, "the second thing is about me and you, remember?"

Buck didn't remember, but he does now. He thinks he probably looks as ready to puke as Eddie does.

"Okay," he chokes out. "Hit me with it, then."

Eddie looks at him, then looks away, staring at the steering wheel again. His hands are curled into tight fists, resting on his thighs, and Buck wants to take them in his own and make him relax, but he doesn't think this is the right time for that.

"I'm in love with you."

There's silence as the words flow through Buck's brain like thick honey. Once the message has registered, he thinks maybe a bomb went off without him noticing after Eddie confessed, because suddenly his ears are ringing.

"And I don't expect anything from you," Eddie pushes on, still staring at the steering wheel. "I know you don't feel the same way, this isn't about that, it's about - I need - I needed to get it off my chest. And I need to move on from it, and I don't think I could do that without - without telling you. I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable -"

"It's -" Buck starts, but the words stick in his mouth. He swallows thickly. "I'm not uncomfortable. I'm - um - are you sure?"

Eddie barks a laugh that sounds a little maniacal. "Yeah, Buck, I'm sure."

"Right. Sorry. Uh." Suddenly he understands why they're currently parked in front of Buck's loft, Eddie ready in the driver's seat of his getaway car. "I don't know what to say."

"That's okay," Eddie says. Buck can see his fists shaking. He still wants to grab them, uncurl his hands and make them relax. He doesn't think he's allowed, now. "You don't have to say anything."

"I - I love you," Buck says honestly, hoping it might lessen the blow. From the way Eddie winces, it probably is more like salt in the wound. "I just - Eddie, I'm straight."

"I know," Eddie says, and his voice is quieter now, an edge to it that wasn't there before, and Buck recognizes it. As a best friend, he wants to stay to be here for Eddie when the dam breaks; as the person who cracked it in the first place, he should probably leave before it happens.

"This doesn't change anything between us, okay?" He says finally, grabbing the door handle again. "We're good. Nothing has to change."

"I know," Eddie repeats.

"I'm gonna go now," Buck states awkwardly, then opens the door and climbs out of the truck. His legs shake beneath him when they hit the ground, but he ignores it, closing the door behind him and taking a few steps toward his building. As soon as he's a few feet away from the truck, it takes off, and Buck thinks he feels something a little like his heart cracking at the way Eddie couldn't get away from him fast enough.

continue on ao3

#buddie fic #buddie #the buck's sexuality crisis fic #i hope this lives up to expectations #*posts and runs away*

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