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gingersnappish · 3 years

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KYLUX RECS 2020-2021

My Kylux Recs in the last year (Aug, 20 2020 - Aug 20 2021)

SO. MUCH. GOOD. FIC!!! We are really lucky in this fandom to have so much good stuff to read!

Fic is part of the lifeblood of fandom, in my opinion-it shares new ideas and AUs and fleshes out the characters and most of all it inspires and entertains us all and engenders all sorts of feels for the characters-it’s part of what keeps us shipping! So a big ‘thank you’ to all the fic authors out there who work so hard at their craft and are generous enough to share it with all of us!

The following list is by no means comprehensive-there are LOTS and lots more very good fics that have been published in the last year that I haven’t read. I just wanted to offer up a few recs from what I know I enjoyed so far! (I also have more than fits on one list to rec-I’ll try and do another list soon!) As always, I rec based on personal taste, and I highly encourage reading all the tags/warnings on any given work to make sure it’ll be to your taste! -

The Flirtation Of Flowers

DaisyChainz

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29771553

Words: 5,917

Rating: Teen

Summary:Kylo runs his farm's stall at the Farmer's Market every weekend. He has a new customer, a gorgeous redhead that is curious about the meanings of his bouquets. Kylo doesn't know anything about that, so he makes stuff up to keep the man coming back every week.

My thoughts on the rec: This is the cutest slice of a modern AU kylux-it really nails Kylo’s personality as a (slightly awkward) flirt who is trying his best and just really likes the redhead who keeps coming to buy flowers. Just a sweet little fic all ‘round!

all i have to do is dream

kyluxtrashcompactor

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18709426/chapters/44373613

Words: 11,456

Rating: Teen

Summary:Armitage Hux has been going to the same bar every Thursday for the last year, nursing a crush on the gorgeous, unobtainable bartender, Kylo Ren. He finally gets up the courage to ask him out, only to find out he has some unusual competition: the memory of a red-haired boy from Kylo's past, who Kylo swears is the soulmate that got away from him.A fill for this SoftKyluxKinks prompt:Anonymous asked: Benarmie with young Ben (around 11 years old) having a huge crush on Armitage (16). Hux finds it adorable but mostly ignores him because he's a kid. Flash forward a few years when Ben is all grown up and Hux is the one with a huge crush.

My thoughts on the rec: This is another really cute young modern AU! I like the idea that Ren has liked Hux forever, but this deals nicely with the age gap and that Hux really wouldn’t notice Ren back until they are both appropriately older. And they make such a cute couple-it’s a great progression from just ‘he’s hot’-like, there is a lot more to them than that in the end!

Homecoming

sigo

(really, read anything by sigo, it’s all my favorite)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27150808

Words: 13,450

Rating: Explicit

Summary:“We’re off the next two weeks, you know.”“Yes, I know.” There was emergency construction scheduled to fix cracking asphalt too near a pipe in the center of campus. The buses couldn’t run, and that phenomenon was the only thing that ever cancelled classes. Halloween was dead center in the unplanned time off school, and every bar within a fifteen mile radius would be untenable as the students celebrated. Hux was planning on staying home, catching up on grading. He was rather looking forward to an opportunity to reread his favorite novels. They were already stacked by the couch in preparation.“My family always throws a Halloween party and they got word that I could come this year,” Kylo said, shuffling his feet. He looked almost bashful.“Ren, it’s midnight,” Hux sighed at his infuriating coworker. “Get to it.”“I may have informed my entire family previously that we were dating.”

My thoughts on the rec: One of my all-around fav fics from the last year’s worth of my reading material! It’s got the modern AU vibes down pat without losing their personalities or making them too OOC, it’s got the fake-dating trope done REALLY well, it’s got a wonderful creepy vibe strung delicately throughout for the Halloween haunted setting, it’s got plot and make-outs (and more). Can’t recommend highly enough!

Thaw

thesevioletdelights

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28557180/chapters/69982587

Words: 14,316

Rating: Explicit

Summary:They have managed cooperation - efficient cooperation, even - in these past months, which is more than enough. And already nothing short of a miracle for both of them.Still. Ren was a fool to think he could simply run off and keep Hux in the dark.-----When Ren goes missing on a mysterious planet, Hux sets out to find him. He doesn't yet know that he just might find himself.

My thoughts on the rec: This, like all of violet’s fic, is HOT! Like, scorching vibes between them! It’ll draw you in and not let you go ‘til after the boys are ‘done’! And, like all of violet’s fics, the character voices and personalities are also impeccable!

Rocks Break Gifts

elderbwrry

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25840237/chapters/62777839

Words: 16,706

Rating: Mature

Summary:The Rebellion has been crushed, a coup affected, and Supreme Leader Ren and his Grand Marshall Hux have settled into a domestic routine as the joint rulers of the Galaxy. Kylo wants nothing more, now, than to make his relationship with Hux official, but he can't seem to rise to Hux's challenge of a satisfactory proposal.Or, the five times Kylo proposes, and the one time Hux says yes.

My thoughts on the rec: Ahhhhh, the premise in this one is great! Like, I don’t wanna spoil the plot reveal at the end, so I can’t say too much, but there is a really good reason throughout the thing that this is a Five Times type fic and it works! It works so well and while we spend the fic ‘with’ Kylo, when we find out what Hux’s deal is, it is so satisfying! I Paint My Dreams

Marlon

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26685907/chapters/65090566

Words: 26,122

Rating: General Audiences

Summary:Kylo Ren is struggling to make a name for himself in the art world but as the grandson of the great Anakin Skywalker, a legendary pop artist of the 1950s and 60s, the weight of his famous family and his own expectations is a lot to bear.After he’s rejected from a prestigious exhibition because his installations “don’t fit the theme”, Kylo heads to the pub to drink away his disappointment. Later that night as he stumbles home, he’s set upon by some would-be thieves but before they can take what’s left of his money, he’s saved by a strange man with unbelievable Medusa-like powers. The ethereally beautiful man, Armitage Hux, is a visitor from Oweynagat and he has a simple proposition for Kylo - room and board in exchange for making all Kylo’s artistic dreams come true.Sounds easy - what could possibly go wrong?

My thoughts on the rec: Oh goodness, where to start? The Irish Mythology and Fae aspect of this fic is superbly woven throughout the whole thing and the author makes it work really well! Like, this is such a unique and original take on the kylux pair, I love them, especially Fae!Hux in this! And the plot is solid and you get invested really heavily in how they are gonna wind up-at least I did! There’s some beautiful language in this-descriptions and dialogue! And I have a soft spot for Artist!Kylo!

Dating a Monster

mysticmilks

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26703904/chapters/65139415

Words: 30,401

Rating: Explicit

Summary:Ben Solo was raised to be a demon hunter, as everyone in his family has been before him. He wanted nothing more than to prove that he was worthy to his family. He lied to them and went on an unauthorized mission to catch and kill an elusive incubus. His search led him to Arkanis University, one of the most prestigious schools in the country.He was sure the mission was going to be easy, before he met the cute freshman Armitage Hux. This meeting would change the fate of both of them.

My thoughts on the rec: Add another really good one to the slightly-creepy-kylux subgenre filled with demons and dark powers! This is a great depiction of Kylo as a very determined demon hunter and Hux as a very unique quarry! I love the tension in parts of this too-well crafted! The Green Ribbon

xzombiexkittenx, Lilander (art)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28630845/chapters/70176921

Words: 39,679

Rating: Explicit

Summary:When Ben was fifteen he left the Jedi temple and took extreme measures to prevent the shadowy creature that infiltrated his thoughts from dragging him to the dark side. What he did left him with a great deal of chronic pain and removed his most valuable weapon, but Ben got his stubbornness from every side of the family, even the adopted ones, and he was determined to find and kill the creature.Now Senator Amidala of Naboo, Ben uses his position to make the galaxy a less awful place when he can, but being senator also gave him very useful contacts in his search for the creature. When he met Major Hux of the First Order, Ben thought he could get game-changing information out of him, one way or another, but things rarely go Ben's way and it got complicated much faster than Ben had prepared for. It's never a good idea to mix sex and politics, but Ben takes his fun where he can get it.

My thoughts on the rec: I feel like this is a very original take on ‘Senator Amidala’ Ben, at least from the stuff I’ve read-many props to the author for such a fleshed out universe, filled with likeable, believable OCs, a wonderful plot, great character motivations and voices, and a take on our main man Ben that pulled me in from the get-go! He’s sorta magnetic (in universe and to the reader)! And the sexual tension and sexy bits are very well done! I’m rooting for Ben and Hux in this, on opposites sides though they may be! Comfort Zone

LydiaBSlade

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26783797/chapters/65338117

Words: 66,766

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Hux is running away. He meets a tall, dark, and somewhat annoying stranger at the airport.

My thoughts on the rec: Travel writing at its best; also kylux fic at it’s best! Young, modern them trying to find their places in the world and finding each other in the process is so cute and almost tenderly done in this! This is a gentle, friendly version of modern Kylo that I fell in love with, right along with Hux! And by the way, I’m not kidding when I say travel writing-the southeast asian setting is vivid and enchanting in it’s rich detail! Outnumbered, Outgunned, Outmanuevered, and Winning

Coriesocks, Ellalba (art)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28217253/chapters/69144672

Words: 80,372

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Hux’s plans for ridding the First Order of Kylo Ren are ruined when Ren discovers his deception. With no choice but to flee, Hux ends up in the hands of the Resistance. It’s not ideal, but at least he gets a break from Ren. Until he doesn’t.When Ren starts appearing in Hux’s dreams, Hux wonders if the stress of being a spy has taken more of a toll on his sanity than he’d previously thought. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he has to deal with constant pestering from Poe and a mildly inconvenient kidnapping. Of course, it’s Ren who saves him in the end. There’s clearly no getting away from him.

My thoughts on the rec: A really interesting take on something that is both a alternate rewrite of what could have happened instead of TROS and a TROS-fix-it of sorts! Hux is stellar in this, we really get a good look in his head and Coriesocks handles it masterfully! I really liked how their relationship develops gradually in this, it’s Enemies To Lovers at its best! Bloodlines and Brandy

EmperorsVornskr

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22989934/chapters/54963601

Words: 130,785

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Sebastian Hux is a native of the Deep South who loathes his origins, and seeks to pull himself from the stifling quagmire, but his bloodlines call him back to the property that has blessed- and plagued- his family for centuries.Unspoken secrets fill his inheritance, skeletons fill every closet, and a monster lurks in the shadows, tied to two bloodlines joined by fate, greed and hatred that has spanned across generations.As Hux learns about his family’s tainted legacy that has now become his burden, he discovers there is more involved than just having to be the curator of property that the locals shun with hushed whispers, that he has inherited more than an estate- he also has a terrible and loathsome horror tied to his very blood.When curious young locals come calling, and Hux’s past tormentors come out of the woodwork to simper and scrabble for a piece of the newly rich, the body count begins to rise, the smell of blood in the old slaughterhouse is getting harder to hide, and Hux realises that he will need to find a better way to pacify the hulking shadow that perches on his roof every night before his hometown’s tiny population is completely decimated.

My thoughts on the rec: This one is EPIC! Like, in length (which it needs every word of for the story that is going on here) and in the great portrayal of Kylo and Hux and their relationship! It’s super original too-not just the plot but the depiction of Kylo as something ‘other’ and the Southern Gothic vibes, and Hux-this is a wonderful take on Hux! He loses none of his edge, in my opinion and yet the reader is ‘with’ him all the way through, rooting for him! The descriptions are killer too-EmperorsVornskr has a felicity of expression that kept me reading (albeit in more than one sitting). Also worth noting that this is a wonderful and carefully handled depiction of trans!Hux, in my admittedly cis opinion. The theme of finding your tribe/your people/and your special someone in this, albeit in sometimes unexpected places is warming! I enjoyed every moment of this fic! Gravity Well

kyluxtrashcompactor

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13062495/chapters/29879001

Words: 176,421

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Snoke is gone, but his death has solved nothing between Hux and Kylo Ren. The First Order's trust in their leaders wanes as they vie for power over one another, and if they cannot learn to work together, they may both lose everything they've worked for.Forging that alliance after years at each other's throats will not be as easy as letting the past die, however—they will face subterfuge, enemies in the shadows, treachery, and being stranded on a hostile planet with creatures out of nightmare, barely escaping constant danger with their lives while having only one another to rely on.And that is just the beginning.

My thoughts on the rec: I realize this one is very well known by now, but I’ll rec it again for good reason! It’s quality long-fic! I love how competent Hux is in this surival-style fic, even without the Force to save him! And Kylo is a badass! kyluxtrashcompactor is a master of the slow burn here and we’re even lucky enough to be getting a sequel (although Gravity Well will also stand perfectly on its own). The writing in this will draw you in and not let you go!

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That’s all for now! I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I did!

#kylux recs #kylux #fic recs #kylux recs 2021 #i enjoyed these fics

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solinarimoon · 3 years

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Sarah’s 100 Followers Challenge!

Firstly, thank you to all those following me! I did not expect to get into writing fanfiction (even though I’ve been an avid fanfic reader for years) when I started using Tumblr at the end of last year. I really just needed to try and find more Hvitserk fanfics to read so I turned to Tumblr and it did not disappoint. Then I certainly did not expect to meet such wonderful mutuals and reach 100 followers after I did start writing back in April. So to celebrate this milestone I’m doing a challenge! Participating in @maggiescarborough - 500 followers challenge is how I got the courage to start writing and sharing that writing. They’re really fun and creative and I would love for anyone and everyone to participate if you wish! They’re a great way to make friends, try something new, or challenge yourself!

Sarah’s 100 Followers Challenge - a few rules:

Writing, moodboards, artwork, whatever you’re inspired to do is welcome!

Send your request for a prompt (list below) you wish to use as an ask. (It will be the easiest way for me to keep track of everyone)

I will update this post as people request prompts - two people per prompt before it will be closed.

I have many fandoms I am a part of even though my writing has only been for TLK so far, so please feel free to do something outside of The Last Kingdom. I love Vikings (especially Hvitserk), Black Sails, Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, and many others, so just ask me.

You are free to write anything you wish - AU, canon, OC’s, X Reader, angst, fluff, smut, anything! But I do ask that if you write on a sensitive/mature topic you use appropriate trigger or ratings for any smut.

My prompts are song lyrics below (golly I hope you guys like my music taste or at least find something inspiring). You can use just the lyrics I’ve picked or add other portions of the songs if you wish. Break the lyrics up, keep them together, whatever inspires you. A link to a spotify playlist is at the bottom of this post if you want to listen to them.

Use the Read More function if it’s more than 500 words.

The deadline will be September 30th.

Please tag me in your submissions and use the tag #sarahs100followers

Have FUN!

1. “That's when she went away Away from the light of day Standing by the riverside Patiently waiting for the tide” - Awakening by Aurora ( @morosemagick)

2. “And if the night is burning I will cover my eyes For if the dark returns Then my brothers will die” - I See Fire, Jasmine Thomas Cover ( @emilyhufflepufftlk )

3. “Hearts are strong, and our hearts are kind Well, let me tell you just exactly what’s on my mind You are the best thing Ever happened to me” - You Are the Best Thing - Ray LaMontagne ( @geekandbooknerd @lauwrite1225 )

4. “When you came to me With your bad dreams and your fears It was easy to see you'd been crying Seems like everywhere you turn Catastrophe it reigns But who really profits from the dying?” - Hold You in my Arms - Ray LaMontagne

5. “As the daylight sinks As I fail to stop and think Once I cursed the things I've done Won't you please forgive me” - The New Love Song - The Avett Brothers ( @maggiescarborough )

6. “There's a darkness upon you that's flooded in light And in the fine print They tell you what's wrong and what's right” - Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise - The Avett Brothers ( @artemiseamoon )

7. “That's when you need someone Someone that you, you can call When all your faith is gone And it feels like you can't go on Let it be me” - Let It Be Me - Ray LaMontagne

8. “Take me back to the night we met When the night was full of terrors And your eyes were filled with tears When you had not touched me yet” - The Night We Met - Lord Huron ( @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie )

9. “Kiss me like you wanna be loved You wanna be loved” - Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran ( @mrsalwayswrite)

10. “It's a stage of stone out in the woods Our spotlight was the sun Where far too many times I stood Til the weary day was done” - Secret Place - Mia Lynne Rose ( @93xdiagonxalley )

11. “My past has tasted bitter for years now So I wield an iron fist Grace is just weakness Or so I've been told I've been cold, I've been merciless But the blood on my hands scares me to death” - I’ll Be Good - Jaymes Young ( @morosemagick @magravenwrites)

12. “All alone scared in your room, would you swear there's nobody home On the bed laying awake as you prayed he'd leave you alone I'll let the darkness swallow me whole I need to find you, need you to know” - Salt and the Sea - Gregory Alan Isakov

13. “Oh, 'cause they will run you down, down 'til the dark Yes and they will run you down, down 'til you fall And they will run you down, down 'til you go Yeah, so you can't crawl no more” - Way Down We go - KALEO ( @for-bebbanburg @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie )

14. “You are my sweetest downfall I loved you first, I loved you first Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads But they're just old light, they're just old light” - Samson - Regina Spektor ( @serasvictoria )

15. “I can't look out the window I can't look at this place I can't look at the stars They make me wonder where you are” - Stars - Grace Potter and the Nocturnals

16. “So, help me decide Help me to make up Make up my mind Wouldn't that save you” - Save You - Matthew Perryman Jones

17. “The stones you throw can make me bleed But I won't stop until we're free Wild hearts can't be broken” - Wild Hearts Can’t be Broken - P!nk

18. “I talk to you but it's not the same as touchin' you And every time you whisper my name, I want to run to you” - Missing You Now - Michael Bolton ( @emilyhufflepufftlk )

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6lWKtehGxnFEqIWeRSK2zt

No pressure tags for my mutuals who may be interested: @maggiescarborough @morosemagick @emilyhufflepufftlk @lauwrite1225 @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @serasvictoria @for-bebbanburg @mrsalwayswrite @geekandbooknerd @magravenwrites

#sarahs100followers #the last kingdom #fanfiction #moodboards #thank you guys so much #sihtric #finan #hvitserk #vikings #black sails

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darkcarnivalcomic · 3 years

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📌 Welcome to the Dark Carnival comic Tumblr page! Read below for information on the comic ⬇️

What is Dark Carnival?

It’s an anthro animal horror webcomic following six highschool kids who find out a traveling circus with some dark rumors behind it has come to town. However, they come to realize a little too late that the rumors might be more truth than fact. All characters and storylines are created by @thrumples.

WARNING: This comic is not meant to be read by anyone younger than 15. Despite how tame it may seem at the beginning, it is a horror webcomic, and thus contains more mature themes such as blood, gore, swearing, death, slight body horror, mental trauma, and other general horror themes. All potentially upsetting content will be appropriately tagged, and if you reblog a page with any such content I ask that you have the courtesy to tag it as well. (If anything needs to be tagged that hasn’t already been, shoot me an ask or a DM and I’ll put the tag on for you.)

Pages are posted every Monday and Thursday at 10am EST. Any schedule changes will be made clear.

This blog posts the official pages of the comic, but unlike the Twitter or Instagram pages, I also sometimes post/reblog fanart, shitposts, schedule updates, and various other things here.

If you want to read all the pages and skip past the miscellaneous posts, go to the tag #comic page. All posts/reblogs that aren’t official pages will be tagged with #not a comic page.

Are you interested in the characters and want to read more about them? You can find them all on my Toyhou.se: https://href.li/?https://toyhou.se/thrumples/characters/folder:1433620

Note: there are a lot of characters in this folder that aren’t important to/don’t show up in the current storyline, but are part of the same universe and are still interesting characters in their own right. Feel free to read their pages if you’d like!

Feel free to ask any questions about the comic using the askbox! (Rude or derogatory messages will not get a response and you will be automatically blocked. Anon is on, but hesitantly.)

Bold = chapter complete

Italicized = chapter in progress

Normal = chapter not started yet

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missaudreyhorney · 4 years

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The Big Game

Modern AU where Jim Hopper is at your parent’s house for a Super Bowl party. That isn’t a plot so much as it is a very flimsy excuse for me to write out some dirty thoughts I have after seeing this photo of David Harbour looking like an absolute DILF.

Content Warnings: Rated M for age gap, kissing, over-the-clothes touching, a bit of Daddy kink, a little physical intimidation. All that good stuff. Female Reader. Slightly OOC for the sake of funsies. 1.6k words.

Tagging @t-u-m-s. Anyone else want to be tagged when I post something new? Let me know.

“I know you said not to bring anything,” you announce as you walk into your parents’ house from the garage, “but mom told me the doctor said you should be watching your diet.” You place the tray of vegetables on the kitchen counter and turn towards the living room. “So I brought you some ve-” your words are cut off by the sight of an unfamiliar man sitting on the couch.

He’s wearing jeans, a dark grey polo shirt, and a black baseball cap that’s on backward. Just his profile alone is stunning. Thick eyebrows, an adorably pointy nose, and a strong jaw covered by a short, scruffy beard. He turns to look at you and it feels as if your heart stops.

“Hopper, you’ve met my daughter before, right?” your father says as he stands up from the chair to greet you.

“No,” the man answers coldly, eyes now fixed on the tv.

Your father comes into the kitchen and gives you a hug. “That was very nice of you, sweetie, but your mom’s been making me eat vegetables every day. This is the Super Bowl. All I want today is wings and potato skins.”

You hear his words clearly but they don’t register in your head. You’re much too distracted by this Hopper person you’ve never seen or even heard about before.

“Where’s everybody else?” you wonder aloud.

“They’re not here yet. This is just the pregame stuff,” your father clarifies.

Hopper glances at you again and you feel like you’re melting as you lean into the countertop. He’s so hot. Nothing like the boys you go to school with. Nothing like a boy at all. He is one hundred percent man.

“You wanna get a snack and join us?” your father requests in a jovial tone.

“Um, I have to, uh, put this other stuff away,” you point to the bag of groceries on the floor next to you.

“Oh, right,” your father acknowledges.

“Where’s mom?”

“Getting a couple of last-minute things for the party. She’ll be back soon.”

You roll your eyes. “I told her I would do that.”

“You know your mother, “ he says, walking back into the living room. “She never listens.”

You take a moment to admire Hopper before removing the food you’ve purchased from the bag. His arms are tantalizing, with the type of muscle not built from going to the gym, but from moving furniture, fixing cars, and other forms of manual labor. Seeing the veins in his hand as he drinks a bottle of beer makes you lick your lips. You can’t stop yourself from shooting him more glances as you finish putting the remainder of the groceries in their rightful place.

There’s no way you can sit in there with that gorgeous man and pretend to be calm or make casual conversation. Instead, you slowly and carefully make your way upstairs to your bedroom, or rather, what used to be your bedroom before you started college. Leaning against the inside of the door and taking a deep breath, you pull your phone from your pocket to distract you.

Your mother arrives about ten minutes later, with a football-shaped ice cream cake, and you admonish her appropriately. Soon after, more people show up to the party and the game starts.

With increasing frequency, your eyes drift over to the handsome stranger still on the couch, and within time, his begin to drift towards you as well. You try to keep busy by topping off people’s drinks, refilling the chip bowls, and putting more snacks in the oven but it’s ultimately no use. You can’t avert your gaze for longer than 5 minutes at the most.

Every time you catch him looking at you, heat rises in your chest and radiates out through your limbs. Under normal circumstances, you would welcome this feeling, but with so many sets of eyes surrounding you, the feeling is almost embarrassing. You don’t know how much more of it you can take and you have to get out of there. Not necessarily out of the house, but just away from Hopper.

During a detergent commercial, you try to sneak back upstairs. When your mother asks where you’re going, you tell her that you’re not feeling well and you need to lie down. It is at least partially the truth.

Sitting down on the small bed, you begin to scroll through Instagram to get your mind off of him and you quickly lose track of time. A while later, you hear someone ascending the staircase. Standing in the doorway of your room and looking down the hall, you see Hopper’s impossibly long legs lumbering up the steps.

“What are you doing up here?” you question quietly.

“It’s halftime,” he declares as he closes the space in between your bodies. His scent is so manly, like tobacco and aftershave.

You take a step back. “Don’t you want to see...whoever it is that’s performing?”

“No,” he answers, entering the room. “I want to see you.” His voice is low and deep, causing your thighs to gently quiver.

“H-Hopper, right?” you stammer, breath getting caught in your throat.

“You can call me Jim,” he offers. It's not until you're this close up to him that you see how incredible his eyes are. They're such an unusually dark shade of blue.

“Okay...Jim.” You can feel your cheeks flush as you utter his name.

He looks around and takes a sip of his beer. “Is this your old room?”

“Yeah,” you answer, “haven’t lived here in years though.”

��Who’s Troy?” he asks you with a slight chuckle.

You give him a confused expression, completely unaware of who or what he’s referring to. He points to the wall behind you and you turn your head to look.

“Oh,” you laugh nervously, seeing your old Troy Bolton poster. “It’s Zac Efron. I used to have a crush on him.”

He nods his head in recognition.

“My tastes have…matured since then though.”

“Have they?” he asks with his curiosity piqued.

You nod vigorously as he approaches you like a lion stalking a young gazelle. Attempting to be coy, you back away, until your legs hit the bed and there’s nowhere else to go.

He puts his beer bottle on the nightstand. “What’s your taste in men like now?”

“Older,” you admit, looking up into his beautiful eyes.

“How much older?” His hands clasp around either side of your waist.

“I don’t know,” you answer breathlessly as your hands move up to his shoulders. “About 20 years?”

As soon as the words are out of your mouth, his lips are on yours in a fiery kiss. Something about this feels wrong, but at the same time, oh so right. You do have a genuine preference for older men, but one that’s friends with your father is really pushing it. As much as you hate to admit it, part of that excites you. It turns you on that he’s in his 40’s and there are a dozen or so people downstairs who could catch you two together at any moment.

Your mouth gasps against his when he shoves you backward and you both fall onto the twin-sized bed. He tastes like beer, a flavor you’re not fond of, but the absolute last thing you want to do right now is to stop. Suddenly, his left hand pulls your hair, yanking your head to the side to give his mouth better access to your neck. He kisses and sucks your sensitive skin there, making you squirm with equal parts pleasure and arousal.

“Oh, Daddy,” you breathe as he nibbles on your earlobe.

“Did you just call me Daddy?” he whispers.

“Yes,” you confess. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I liked it.”

You moan as his teeth graze your skin. The way he’s biting and sucking on you, it feels like he’s going to leave a mark, and at this point, you don’t even care. You don’t care about anything at all other than the way your body feels underneath him and his wanton mouth.

Another moan tumbles from your lips as run your fingers up his hairy forearms and grasp onto his biceps.

“Not so loud, huh? They’re gonna hear us.”

“You should have shut the door,” you reprimand halfheartedly. The sensation of his beard scratching the flesh over your collarbone has you pushing your hips into him.

“Too late for that now,“ he dismisses as his palm presses just below the zipper on your jeans.

Again you let out a moan, this one strained as you try and fail to be quiet.

“Why haven’t I seen you here before?” he inquires, his fingers now massaging against the denim.

“I’ve been at school,” you pant out.

“Well, you’re just going to have to come over here more often, aren’t you?” he prompts.

“Yes, Daddy!” you moan as the fingers of his free hand start to slide up the back of your t-shirt towards your bra.

“Hey, Hopper. You up there?” your father calls from downstairs.

Slapping a hand down on his head to keep his hat in place, Hopper jumps up from the bed and sprints to the door. “Yeah, I’m, uh, just looking for the bathroom.”

In a daze, you close your eyes and stay on the bed. It’s not until now that you notice how much your blood is pumping and your heart is pounding. With a resigned whimper, you realize that you’re aching with an overwhelming need left by his immense hand rubbing you through your jeans.

“Hurry up. The game is about to start again.” The sound of your father’s voice is a massive buzzkill.

“I’ll see you later, alright?” Hopper suggests to you as he stands in the doorway.

You don’t know what that means exactly but you’re looking forward to finding out. “Alright,” you sigh.

READ PART 2 HERE!

#Jim Hopper drabble #jim hopper x reader #jim hopper x you #Hopper x You #Hopper x Reader #hard Jim Hopper #female reader #I did it #The Big Game #WTW #jim hopper fanfiction

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halcyonstorm · 3 years

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gift for the lovely @ellepellano for Levihan Xmas in July!! I really enjoyed writing this and hope you enjoy too!

Read on AO3 or Read below the cut! Enjoy <33

Day 1

Levi was not looking forward to summer camp that year. He was going into his senior year of high school and frankly, he felt too old to be attending a summer camp. He had been going since he was a child. It had its ups and downs, and even though Levi disliked most things about being outside, he generally enjoyed himself. What he hated the most, though, were the campers themselves. They were annoying, immature teens (and his mother considered him “mature for his age”). Levi knew it was going to be a hot, dreadful week, but his mother insisted he go, and he couldn’t say no to her. After the long, two-hour car ride down to the campsite, he was ready to get moving. He hopped out of the car, groaning as he stretched his lower back. His mom opened the trunk, allowing Levi to grab his suitcase and sleeping bag. He dragged his suitcase behind him as he trudged down the paved path (about half a mile) to the cabins. His mother carried his sleeping bag on her back and walked beside him. He looked aimlessly towards the sky, the bright green trees forming a canopy over his head, sunlight peeking through the leaves. It was cool in the shade. He wished to have a personal tree canopy to shield him wherever he wanted to go.

“It’s your final year,” She said. “Make the most of it, okay?” She gave him a soft, sweet smile. Levi wanted to be annoyed at her, but she just wanted the best for him. He just wanted to stay home in the cool air-conditioned oasis of his room, reading or playing games on his computer.

“I’ll try,” he muttered. Once they arrived at his red, worn-down cabin, they stepped inside. The calm of the nature around them was quickly disrupted by the loud chatter and yelps from inside his cabin. Am I sure this is my cabin? He asked himself. He peeked outside before stepping fully inside. Cabin 14. Yup… He found one of the free beds in the corner of the room, throwing his suitcase on top of the bed with a loud grunt. He saw a man he recognized as Erwin from the previous year. They hung out quite a bit last year, so Levi thought maybe he could stick with him if he needed a partner for a game.

“Hey, Levi!” One of the campers called out. He turned to see a tall, dark-blonde man greeting him. He had a shit-eating grin on his big face. It pissed Levi off, making him scowl. “Good to see you back!”

“Mike,” Levi said under his breath. Mike pulled countless pranks on him last year. He was not looking forward to it again this year. He pointed behind him to the bed next from Levi’s with his thumb.

“Looks like we are bed buddies!” He exclaimed. Levi cringed at the statement. Why did he have to say it like that?

“Leave me alone.” Levi started to grab his sleeping bag from his mom. She gave him a kiss on his cheek.

“Do you need anything else?” She asked, indicating she was going to start heading back to her car. I need you to take me home… He didn’t want her to leave.

“I think I’m fine. Thanks,” Levi replied. His mom pulled him into a tight hug. In the hug, he smelled the fresh scent of her shampoo and a hint of perfume. It reminded him of home, making him yearn for it.

“I’ll see you in six days, okay?” She mumbled into the top of his head before giving him a kiss there. “Have fun, try to enjoy yourself.” Levi nodded.

“Yeah.” She pulled away, squeezing his hand before saying goodbye and exiting his cabin, leaving Levi all alone.

The first event was mandatory that evening. After Levi ate his mediocre hamburger, he headed to the Main Hall across the bridge from his cabin. Under the bridge was a large, crystal clear lake that flowed throughout the camp grounds, where many campers in the past would canoe or swim. The reflection of the Main Hall was visible in the lake. When Levi looked up at the building from its reflection, he noticed it looked similar to his red cabin but with a better paint job and an awning. When he went inside, he recognized that the floor inside was covered in blue padded mats. In the distance, he saw hanging hoops and tunnels. He wondered what they’d be doing that evening. He found a seat next to a black-haired girl before the camp leader started to speak.

“Welcome campers!” She cheered into the mic. He recognized the girl as Alicia who has been the camp coordinator ever since he began high school. She wore a bright green shirt with the words “Camp Titans ‘21” across her chest. “Who’s excited to be here?” The crowd cheered. Levi kept a visibly monotone face. He wanted to go home. “We are going to start off this trip with a fun obstacle course! The group will be divided into four groups. The goal: reach the end before the other team, run back and tag your teammate. The first team to get through the entire obstacle course will win. We will be staying in these teams for the duration of the camp, so be sure to befriend your teammates! Our cabin counselors will be picking the teams.” Levi took a deep sigh. He was good at running and obstacle courses… He would consider them “fun”. His monotone expression changed into something more… neutral.

Within a few minutes, Levi was put on the blue team out of red, blue, green, and yellow teams. He wasn’t with Mike, thank God. He had a few strong-looking teammates, including Erwin, so he was glad. The black-haired girl he was sitting next to was picked for his team too.

Levi opened his mouth to speak to her when a hand was placed on his shoulder. Levi tensed, turning his head slowly. It was a girl taller than him, her hair thrown up in a sweaty, messy ponytail. She wore a blue t-shirt and matching shorts.

“Hey there! Some way to start off the week, huh?” She chirped, her hands placed on her hips. Levi turned his head looking forward.

“Sure,” he replied. He really wasn’t in the mood to talk to her. She seemed too… excited.

“I’m Hange,” she said, tapping his shoulder in such a way that drove Levi up a wall.

“Okay,” he responded, crossing his arms. It was almost his turn to go. Him and Hange were towards the end of the line. Hange being the final person to complete the course. The black haired girl started to run in front of him, and Levi stepped up to the start.

“Good luck!” Hange said, tapping his shoulder yet again. Levi took a deep, deep breath. Levi got one leg in front of the other, widing his base of support. He bent his knees, holding his hand out for the girl to hit. She ran past him so fast that he only felt the breeze of her passing by before he noticed his legs already running underneath him.

There were a variety of obstacles in the course: ducks, jumps, hurdles, and judo-crawls. After running for a moment, there were five different sized hurdles, growing progressively taller as he went further. Luckily, he was a hurdle jumper in high school. He knew what he was doing, his one leg jumping over the hurdle while the other leg swung over the side. Once he got past the five hurdles, there was a long tunnel. He dove on his stomach, using his arms to tug him through the tunnel. It was dark, creepy, and yet Levi liked that the most. It was where no one could see him. Once he got out of the tunnel, there were hoops above him in such an order where one would have to swing across them. There were only a few: after all, this was only for fun. And some of the campers were not as fit as Levi. He bent his knees, jumping high. His hands gripped the hoops, his body swinging in all directions as he advanced towards the end of the course. The final part was the ducks. One of the camp counselors would swing a foam bat at the person a few times, the camper had to duck and jump as appropriate. He was successful in dodging the attacks from the brawny counselor, before sprinting down the strip, ready to tag Hange’s hand. She was not paying attention. As he got closer, he saw she was chatting to Alicia, the camp counselor.

“Hange!” He called out loudly. She looked just in time for him to tag her hand, his hand stinging from the forceful impact. She took off. Levi caught his breath as he walked to the bench.

“Nice, Levi!” Erwin called out, waving him over to where he was sitting. Levi sat next to him. Who else did he know to sit with?

“Thanks,” he muttered. He finally looked up and saw Hange throwing herself across the hanging hoops. She looked like a monkey, swinging herself across the course without a care in the world. He heard her annoying laugh echo throughout the Hall.

“She’s insane,” Levi thought aloud. He couldn’t watch; he thought she’d hurt herself. He didn’t feel like cleaning up her blood off the floor. He wiped his sweaty forehead with the bottom of his shirt.

He looked up and saw Hange pass the finish line, her hands on her knees as she heaved loudly.

“Congrats to the Blue Team for winning our first competition of Camp 2021!” Alicia cheered. The people sitting down on his team cheered, including Erwin. Levi took a deep sigh, clapping softly. Hange walked over to Levi.

“You see that?” Hange bragged, folding her arms across her chest, still breathing a bit heavy.

“...Yeah?” Levi responded, standing up to get ready for the next team event. Hange does a strange thing where she shakes her head and shrugs her shoulders. He’s not sure what it means.

“I was tryna act like you,” She laughed. She sounded like she was mocking him, and he hated it. Why was she purposely pissing off? Usually, dorks like her left him alone after he gave him a glare that was scary enough, but she didn’t back off, let alone seem fazed by it. He was extremely annoyed with her.

“Leave me alone,” he snapped before walking away from her. He didn’t like how she was so… pushy? Annoying? Nosy? Wasn’t there a better word?

Day 2

The next morning was a team volleyball game. Their camp teams were too big, though. So, Alicia picked Hange and Mikasa to pick the teams. He hoped, he prayed that Mikasa picked him for her team. He stood in the front of the group. He didn’t care if his team lost; he didn’t wanna be with her. At that moment he remembered she didn’t know his name. How could she call him out if she didn’t--

“You!” Hange called out, pointing straight at him, her eyes piercing into his soul. He scowled, not taking a moment to hide the disappointment on his face. She grinned wide at him.

“This is Levi,” Alicia told Hange. A smug grin grew on her face. Levi felt a chill trickle down his spine. Now that she knew his name, she could piss him off even more than she already was. Levi zoned out while the other members were distributed amongst the two teams. Hange’s team was up first against the first yellow team: Mike’s team. Levi was set up in front of Hange, who was serving first.

“0-0!” She said aloud.

“Everyone knows the score. The game just started,” Levi muttered under his breath. She let out a huff through her nose, hearing Levi after all. He turned to watch her swing her right arm back and forth to practice her aim. Then, she dropped the ball from her left hand, punting the ball over the net. For someone who was annoying as hell, she was pretty good at athletic activities like this. It was expected though.

The ball was coming back over the net already, Levi held his hands together, bumping the ball to one of the teammates. He bumped it to Hange, who smacked the ball with the heel of her palm. She was a strong hitter; the ball flew just over the net, hitting the floor before bouncing out of bounds.

“Nice!” Mikasa called out from the crowd. Hange faced her to give her a cheery thumbs up. Hange received the ball from the other team, catching it one hand.

After a few volleys, Levi was up to serve. He practiced throwing the ball in the air a few times to assess the height. Finally, he threw it in the air, striking it with the heel of his palm. It soared over the net. He heard a gasp come from Hange.

“You are so cool!” She exclaimed. Levi shook his head. She sounded like she was mocking him again. He didn’t respond. She should be focusing on the game.

Day 3

The next evening, Levi was eating with Erwin in the cafeteria. It was late, so the two of them were just having bowls of cereal. Levi didn’t really like cereal, but if he had to choose a favorite, it’d be Life. It was sweet but not too sweet, got soft but not too quickly, and crunchy but not too crunchy. He was having his second bowl that evening after a hot day in the August sun. Now it was cool, the full moon shining light onto the floor of the cafeteria, as well as the lights illuminating the room to be bright. It was nice and quiet until the peaceful calm was interrupted by no other than Hange and her lanky friend.

“Hey, Levi!” She exclaimed, standing at the head of the table. “I brought cards.” Erwin scooted over allowing Hange to sit next to him, face-to-face with Levi. The lanky boy sat next to Levi, facing Erwin.

“This is Moblit,” she introduced him, gesturing towards him. He gave a shy wave. “Erwin, Levi, and me!” She introduced the rest of them. Dork.

“Let’s play BS.” She briefly went over the rules. Each person is handed cards until the deck is completely passed out. Whoever gets the ace of spades goes first, and that card stays face up for the duration of the game. Going in numerical order, each person takes turns putting cards down. Whether you have the card or not, you have to put something in the stack. One can call “BS” if they think the person is lying. If they are lying, the liar gets the whole stack. If the accuser is wrong, they get the deck. The goal is for the player to successfully get rid of all the cards in their hand.

As Hange explained the rules, Levi realized she wasn’t as annoying today. She explained thoroughly and clearly, asking if anyone had questions before they started. He knew how to play, but she was patient with Erwin who didn’t know. He caught himself staring at her and focused on the natural pattern of oak wood on the table instead. After a few minutes of further explanation, everyone was ready to begin.

“Let’s play!”

As it turns out, Hange is an extremely good liar. She ended up winning the first game. When Levi had to call her final card BS, he flipped it and it was the correct card. He had to admit he was a bit impressed. It annoyed him that she kept winning game after game too.

“Let’s play blackjack or something,” Levi suggested, sick of losing.

“Are you a sore loser?” Hange sang, getting closer to his face. He scoffed, leaning back.

“Don’t get so close to me, you four-eyed creep.” He rolled his eyes, standing up. He hated that his heart started to race. It pissed him off. Her teasing pissed him off.

“I’m going to my cabin for the night,” he decided. “Goodnight.” He felt flustered, confused, but most of all: annoyed. All of these emotions were caused by Hange.

Day 4

Day four came fast. It was a cool, breezy morning when Alicia announced there would be a relay later that afternoon. She announced the four teams within the team itself. Each smaller team can win a point for their team, helping their team as a whole pull ahead. Levi was looking forward to that. Halfway through the camp week, the Yellow team was close to the Blue team in points, scoring a 5 and Blue 6. Red had 3, green had 2.

Levi was paired with Mikasa, Reiner, Annie, and not Hange. He was relieved... She exhausted him. The goal of the relay was running 100 meters and passing the baton to each member; a total of one lap around the track. They only had the morning to prepare. Luckily, everyone on his team seemed fast enough. They went to the track to practice. It was starting to warm up. On the other side of the track, he noticed Hange and her messy mop of brown hair, standing with Moblit.

“Levi, do you want to be the first one to go?” Mikasa asked, handing him the baton to begin.

“Sure.”

The order was Levi, Annie, Reiner, Mikasa. He was excited to go first and help his team get ahead from the beginning. They practiced handing the baton to one another from behind, practiced sprints, and practiced both together. Whenever he had the chance, his eyes kept wandering across the track.

The relay took place an hour after lunch. Levi threw on his blue camp t-shirt and black shorts. Annie and Mikasa wore theirs as crop tops. Reiner wore his with the sleeves rolled up. Levi’s team was first to go. As he waited for the go-ahead to the relay, he stretched his legs. He caught a glimpse of Hange out of his periphery. She wore her blue shirt with “Zoe” written across her upper back. She was facing Moblit, chatting with him and gesticulating excessively. His eyes wandered lower towards her backside, getting a glimpse of something lower on her body that he should not be staring at. He shook his head, looking away quickly. He hated her. She was annoying.

The sun was beating down on the campers, starting to become too hard to handle. Levi was glad he was going first to get it over with.

“Hey, Levi!” Hange called out. He was stretching to his toes when she called to him. Hange and Erwin were heading towards him. She wore one of those stupid umbrella hats on her head and had one in her hand. To his disgust, Erwin was wearing one too. With a fucking smile on his face. Levi looked petrified.

“These help with the heat! Put it on!” She smiled wide at him, offering him the umbrella hat in her hand. He reluctantly grabbed it and looked at it in his hands. It was a rainbow pattern, one that was extremely harsh on his eyes. He squinted, putting his hand down. Why didn’t she leave him alone? He had insulted her, making it clear that he wanted nothing to do with her. So, why did she offer him a gift?

“No.” Hange grinned again.

“They really do help,” Erwin chimed in. Levi scrunched his nose at him, feeling betrayed. Don’t encourage her!

“Attention all relay runners: Would the first team please report to the start? I repeat, would the first team please report to the start?” Levi handed the hat in his hands back to Hange. Her smile faded just enough for Levi to notice.

“I’ll… grab it after our team wins,” Levi said, bargaining with her. He kept questioning his actions. Hange smiled again.

“I bet I’ll beat your time! If I do, I’ll kiss ya!” She called out. He waved his hand at her, then suddenly processed her offer. She’s so annoying… What a disgusting offer.

“Yeah, right. I’d like to see you try.”

He jumped in the air a few times to warm up his already warm body, bending down to get into position to run. He anxiously anticipated the fire of the gun, beginning the relay. Now he had motivation to run faster: he did not want a kiss from Hange.

“Ready…” The caller yelled. Then, the sound of the gun echoed through the crowd, piercing the silence. Levi was off. His legs started to pump, helping him accelerate forward. He began on the third slot, and he started to pass person four, five… then six. Now, he was in the lead. He was starting to pick up the pace, his opponents falling further and further behind.

“Annie!” He called out. She got into position, leaning her hand back. He handed her the baton, and she went soaring across the track. He stumbled to a stop, his hands resting on his knees. He himself was heaving heavy. The sweltering summer heat didn’t help either.

He felt someone touch his back with a cold and wet hand.

“Here,” Erwin said. “Nice job.” He handed Levi a cold bottle of water. Levi opened the cap, pouring the water down his throat. The cool water stung his sore throat, feeling the water travel down to his stomach.

“Thanks…” he panted. He collapsed to sit on the grass in the center of the field. Hange sat next to him a moment later. She sat quietly, leaning back on her arms with her knees bent in front of her. They were all cheering for blue, of course. They wanted to win. Cheering for Annie, cheering for Reiner. Then, it was Mikasa’s turn. Mike was the yellow team’s anchor. He and Mikasa were close in the race, but Mikasa pulled out the first win for blue.

The final relay came around and it was Hange’s team’s turn. Levi ended up giving in and wore the stupid umbrella hat about halfway through the second relay. The heat is too unbearable, and it actually provides good shelter from the sun, he rationalized.

The shot was fired, and the runners were off. Hange was the final runner; The final person to help the Blue team pull through and win. Moblit was the first runner for Hange’s team. She did some preparation stretches in her spot then got in position. It seemed like Moblit had far to run and he ended up falling behind to third place. Moblit finally reached the 100 meter mark, handing the baton off to Zeke. He got to the next checkpoint pretty quick but still remaining in third place, handing the baton off to Bert. Bert’s long legs helped him pull ahead of the two rival teams. As he approached Hange, she started to run a bit. He handed off the baton successfully and then she was off. She didn’t seem like one to be athletic since she almost passed out during the obstacle course, but she persevered. She extended her legs further than usual and pumped her arms faster, helping her maintain the first place ranking. She pulled through the finish line, earning first place for the Blue team.

She stumbled a little as she halted to a stop, leaning her hands on her knees as she heaved. Levi felt shy showing her he had on the stupid hat, so he took it off. She caught her breath (for the most part) and stood upright. Erwin and Levi were walking over towards her. She started to walk towards them too. She rested her hands on her head, opening her chest, allowing her to catch her breath quicker. When she approached them, she looked at Levi with wide eyes. He felt mesmerized by her glistening brown eyes; he almost forgot about how annoying she was. She had a stupid, stupid grin on her face. Levi thought she looked stupid. She was messy, dirty, sweaty… Why did beautiful cross his mind first? Flowers were beautiful. Christmas lights were beautiful. The full moon was beautiful. What made him think a sweaty, dirty, annoying person was beautiful to him?

Hange placed a hand on his cheek, giving his other cheek a wet, sweaty kiss. Levi was so exasperated that he couldn’t even process it since it happened so quickly. She pulled away and Levi’s face was one of pure shock. She… kissed me?

“I beat your time, shorty.”

“I… didn’t think you were serious…” Levi stammered. Hange chuckled, winking at him.

“I wouldn’t wanna let you down like that.”

Levi tried to avoid Hange the rest of the day. While he could avoid her physically, she was still dancing around his head, her kiss replaying over and over. He was restless in his bunk that evening. His heart wouldn’t stop pounding so hard in chest every moment he thought of her.

“You’re so stupid,” he whispered to himself. “Get out of my mind.”

Day 5

The next day was the “Water Day''. Levi hated that term. Every event that day would take place either in the lake or the pool. The first event was canoeing. Levi was undoubtedly hoping not to be with Hange, but Alicia picked the teams. Apparently, Hange was horrible with canoeing. On the other hand, Levi had canoeed many times in his life.

“I want to face my fears!” she explained. Stupid. And annoying.

“You should go with Hange in case anything happens,” Alicia told him. Levi passively agreed. They put on their bright orange life vests over their clothes. Hange had to get in the boat first.

“Come on, you’ll be fine. It’s attached to the dock.”

“...Yeah but that’s not the point.”

“What is it?” Levi asked.

“I’m…” She had a frown on her face. This was the first time Levi saw her like this. She always wore a grin. This was unlike her. “I’m fine! Getting in now…” It looked like she was telling herself, “Move your legs, dammit!”

“Hange,” he said her name calmly. She turned to face him anxiously. “Follow my instructions, okay?” She nodded.

“Bend your knees,” He began. She followed. “Grab that side of the canoe.” He pointed to the edge furthest from her. “Now, put your right leg in, move your right hand to the other side, then get your left foot inside.” She was in the canoe now, she let out a sigh of relief. “Sit at the front of the boat. You’ll be the bowman.”

“Ooooh! Sounds fancy. I’m up for the challenge!” No, clearly you’re not… Levi untied the strings on the dock, the canoe getting loose. Levi got in the boat the same way but sat towards the back, pushing off the dock with his foot, the boat starting to drift away from the dock.

“You are the bowman,” he explained. “You have to let me know of any obstacles in the way. Though it is a lake, so I think we’ll be fine. You also have to paddle on the left side. I'll paddle on the right. That’s all you gotta do.” Alicia handed Levi and Hange the paddles.

“That doesn’t sound too hard! Let’s go!” For someone who almost had a panic attack, she seems pretty excited. Maybe she is juiced up on adrenaline.

As Levi and Hange paddled further to the center of the lake, he noticed Hange was blabbing less and less. Maybe she was getting anxious again.

“Are you okay?” he asked. He stuck the paddle in the water, pushing the water backwards. She was paddling too, but with much slower strokes.

“Fine,” she answered abruptly. Sounded like a lie, but Levi didn’t press.

“We have to paddle in sync, you know.”

“Can’t we just go closer to land?” she answered in a snappy tone, her voice a pitch higher than usual.

“Yeah… sure.” Levi started to push his paddle in a “J” motion, starting to turn the boat. He noticed her shoulders were rigid and her paddling strokes stiff.

“Hey, Hange,” he said softly, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. With the small touch, Hange whipped around, the canoe shaking harshly side to side.

“What?” She sneered, now facing him. He could see her eyes were glassy. He was a bit shocked by her tone but wanted to keep her calm. She was clearly scared of being out on the water, so far from land. The last thing he wanted to do was flip the boat. He stopped paddling for a moment. He scooted forward, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Look out there,” He said, pointing past her. In the distance, there were beautiful green mountains of trees, big puffy clouds, and the water was glistening. As she turned, she also blinked, causing the tears to fall from her face. It broke Levi’s heart. All he wanted to do was to cheer her up at that moment.

She looked towards where he was pointing, she gasped softly. If Levi weren’t so close to her, he wouldn’t have heard it. She had finally looked up instead of down at the flowing water around the bow of the canoe.

“It’s funny…” She began. “I haven’t looked up since I got on the boat.” Levi smiled softly. He admired her, admiring the nature around them.

“It’s truly beautiful,” she said softly. Indeed.

Later that evening, Erwin wanted to go to the pool. Levi was hesitant because of all the people that’d be in the pool. Alicia did mention, however, that the pool had a chemical that would darken when someone urinated. So Levi felt safer. He walked with Erwin in his swim trunks and flip flops, a towel folded over his arm. It was a large pool with slides and beach chairs lined up around the perimeter. Levi’s inner child was screaming to go in the pool. Maybe Erwin would want to go.

The two found a shady spot in the corner of the pool area, laying down their towels and taking off their flip flops. Levi stood up, ready to go in the pool when he noticed a familiar wet mop of hair in the water. Hange. She was with a blonde girl with a short haircut. The blonde pointed behind her towards Levi and Erwin. Hange turned around, smiling and waving to the boys.

“Hey you two!! Come in!” She waved them over. Erwin jumped in the pool with his knees tucked to his chest, getting Levi soaked before he even entered the pool. Levi sat on the edge of the water, pushing himself in the water. The cool water was refreshing compared to the late afternoon sun.

“This is Nanaba, one of my my cabinmates,” Hange introduced her. Nanaba waved shortly to the two boys. “This is Levi and Erwin.”

“Nice to meet you!” She chirped. “Nice to meet you.”

“Let’s try out the slides!” Hange suggested with a wide grin. She seemed much happier than earlier. For that, Levi was grateful.

“Aren’t they gonna be filled with slimy kids?” Levi retorted, trying to seem uninterested. He didn’t want to go after some smelly kid.

“Nah, the pool is only open for the older kids today,” Nanaba replied. Levi shrugged.

“Fine.” They all got out of the water, their bathing suits heavy and dripping from the water. Levi walked behind Hange, starting to stare at her as they walked up the stairs to the slide. He purposely averted his eyes to the wet concrete, avoiding the very tempting view in front of him. She looked… different. Maybe since Hange had just been wearing t-shirts or tank tops and shorts he didn’t even think of what she’d look like underneath. He felt flustered. She had tanned skin and more curves than he thought. She wore a white and beige striped bikini, the bottoms high waisted. She looked nice.

They got to the top of the slide. One of the male camp counselors was standing at the top, wearing sunglasses and a whistle around his neck. There were two slides next to each other: a purple and blue one.

“You’ve gotta go one at a time down each slide,” he explained. “You can go first.” He was talking to Erwin first. He got in the blue one, the one with more turns and twists (to Levi’s surprise), and he got the go-ahead, pushing off and sliding down. About seven seconds later, there was a large splash that came from the pool. “You’re next,” he said to Nanaba. Hange turned to face Levi.

“Which will you do?” She asked softly. Levi thought about it for a minute.

“I’ll do blue.”

“Me too.” Nanaba screamed as she went down the purple slide.

“You’re up,” The man said. Hange gently patted Levi’s shoulder.

“See you on the flip side.” She chuckled, getting in position for the slide. The man gave her the “okay”, and she slid down the slide.

“Woohoo!!” She echoed through the slide. Levi smiled when he heard her splash into the pool below. When the man noticed, his face quickly turned to a death glare.

“Whenever you’re ready...” the man cowered.

He got in, pushing himself off. It was a basic slide at first, then it started to curve, his body quickly sloshing to one side then the other, it went side to side quickly, a bit upwards, then he was spat out, suddenly colliding with the water. His body submerged, his ears filling with water. He turned his head towards the surface, his hair slicking back as he went above water, gasping for air.

“Wooo!” Hange cheered again with a huge grin. Levi smiled softly at her. It seemed to take her breath away.

“Let’s try the other ones!”

Day 6

The final day of camp had come. Levi hated to admit it, but he wished to stay a little while longer. He was finally starting to have a good time. It was a week to remember.

Early that morning, Alicia gathered the teams together to take photos before the final event, as well as show off some of the photos from the past week. The teams waited in line. It was finally Blue’s turn.

“Let’s get a photo of our winning team!” Alicia cheered. “Tall people in the back, shorties in the front!” Levi rolled his eyes at the comment, reluctantly standing in the front. Hange stood behind him. Levi was the only guy in the front with the rest of the girls.

“That’s you, a shorty,” Hange teased.

“Shut up, you can’t even see,” he retorted. She laughed.

“Smile!” Levi was naturally smiling for the photo. He wished to make Hange laugh more and more. Alicia snapped the photo.

“Beautiful smiles!” She chirped. Everyone got out of their pose and started heading back towards the cabins.

“I don’t think I have ever seen you smile,” Hange mentioned to Levi. Levi looked away.

“It’s nothing special,” Levi replied. Hange chuckled, patting him on the back.

“It is, to me at least…” She said, much less confident than her previous statement. Levi felt his cheeks flush. Hange was pulled away by Moblit to go do an activity across the field, so Levi stuck with Erwin for the rest of that afternoon.

The long awaited bonfire at sunset came fast. He stayed with Erwin, clinging to him like a lost puppy, almost the entire afternoon. They played some ping pong and cornhole to pass the time. He passed Hange and Moblit, who were chatting amongst one another, but he averted his eyes to avoid looking at her. How dare she make his heart ache? She was annoying.

The orange sun was starting to hang low in the sky, the sky turning a dark red. It was something Levi would call “beautiful”. Although he disliked being outdoors, he enjoyed the beauty that sprouted in nature. All the campers were either sitting or standing around the firepit, chatting amongst one another. Erwin and Levi were sitting together on a towel on the slightly damp grass from the rainfall the night before. They were waiting for the bonfire to be lit.

“The weather really cleared up,” Erwin mentioned, leaning back on his palms. Levi agreed. The two boys heard laughing from their left. Levi recognized the laugh almost too easily. He saw Hange and Moblit laughing with each other. Hange was eventually laughing so hard no noise escaped her mouth, her hands resting on her knees. Levi felt himself smile. Her laugh cheered him up.

Moblit saw him and Erwin, pointing towards them. Hange looked their way and waved. The two started walking over with their towels, laying them down and sitting.

“Hey,” Hange said happily, hugging her knees. “Fuck… I just realized I start school in a few days… At least I got to spend some time away from my parents.”

“I start school in a few days too,” Erwin mentioned. “Levi, what about you?”

“Yeah… same. Where do you go?” he asked. Hange flashed her teeth in her grin as she showed off her sweatshirt.

“Saint Maria High School! It’s my final year there,” Hange replied. Moblit chimed in: “Hange and I go to the same school.”

“Oh!” Erwin noticed. “I go to Saint Sina! The second sister school. As does Saint Rose…”

“How do we all live so close and haven’t realized?” Levi mentioned. “I go to Rose.�� Hange smiled again when she realized Levi went to one of the branch schools. The schools were less than ten minutes away from one another. That must’ve meant Hange and Levi lived close. After all, the camp was for kids in their city.

“Geez…” Moblit sighed. “So, we all live less than twenty minutes from each other and we never met each other?”

“Seems so…” Levi decided. He took a glance at Hange. She was looking back at him then quickly looked away.

“I’m gonna go grab some food,” Levi said, standing up. Hange stood too. “Me too!” She brushed off her backside before waving him along. “Let’s go!”

Moblit and Erwin stayed behind. They had an idea of what was going on between the two, hoping they’d make a move on each other. Levi was grateful for that. They were walking towards the food stand.

“Do you wanna, like,” Levi began, speaking softly. “Hang out sometime… Like, after camp ends?” It seemed like minutes before Hange responded. Levi’s heart was pounding in his chest. She looked at him, her glasses reflecting the crescent moon.

“Are you asking me out?” She asked in a serious tone. After a moment, her cheeks puffed and she laughed softly.

“I guess,” Levi muttered. Hange stopped laughing and gasped.

“Really?” she said. The two gave their orders quickly and waited for them to be prepared.

“...Yeah.” Levi couldn’t believe the shit he was spewing from his mouth. Was he really confessing?

“Well…” She grabbed her tray from the stand. “I’d like that.” Levi grabbed his tray, glancing at her. Her cheeks were flushed red, he wasn’t sure if she was sunburnt or not.

“Me too.” They started to walk back towards their two friends.

“Why did you kiss me?” Levi thought aloud.

“I beat your time, silly,” Hange teased. Levi huffed. They got back to their friends, sitting down. Hange sat a bit closer to Levi than the last time. Levi noticed Erwin and Moblit distanced their towels further away than they were earlier.

You missed. He wanted to say. He didn’t have the guts to say it, though.

“I see…” was all he could muster. Suddenly, the fire grew tall in the firepit; licks of the red and yellow flame dancing in the air. It was beautiful. Levi towards Hange; he noticed her eyes were glowing.

“You’re beautiful,” Levi said in awe, not realizing he said it aloud. He meant it, too. She looked beautiful in her oversized school sweatshirt and black jean shorts. She looked beautiful with her hair thrown up, her bangs framing her face. She was the most beautiful person. Hange looked towards him, giving him a smile.

“I think I missed when I kissed you,” She chuckled. “Can I try again?” Levi felt his heart start to pound in his chest, begging to escape. He took a deep breath.

“Sure.” She gave him a small smile before leaning in to kiss his lips this time. Levi only realized he was cold when her kiss warmed him up from head-to-toe. She placed her hand on his cheek, gently squishing it. It was chubbier than she thought, and she felt honored to hold him like this. He hadn’t touched her at all besides with his lips. He was too stunned to do anything else. He was leaning back on his hands, his hands gripping the towel beneath them. She pulled away from him, looking a bit breathless.

Maybe she wasn’t so annoying after all.

#levihan fic #levihan fanfic #levihan fanfiction #LevihanXmasinJuly #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot #snk #levi ackerman #hange zoe #levi x hange #levi x hanji

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sanders-specs · 4 years

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Roman’s Playlist Analysis

A/N: So I wanted to take a crack at diving into Roman’s Playlist and analyzing it to the best of my abilities. how each song relates to Roman, his character, his part of Thomas. I thought about the story arc Thomas talked about and tried to put that together a little bit.

Now keep in mind this is just my interpretation of it. I could be completely wrong in my conclusions, and honestly I’m interested to know your thoughts if you disagree with me on anything.

I’m going to leave my basic tl;dr here because this is long as hell. I went into each song so it’s a long read. I’m also going to tag some people who seemed interested in this. I’d say if you were going to read any of the song analysis, to read the last three. they’re my favorite.

tag list: @viva-la-pluto @nonexistent-username @writingfeedsthedarkestones @such-as-we-are-made-such-we-be

Here’s the story of Roman’s playlist:

We start with some pretty obvious songs that show who Roman is. He’s a huge fan of Disney, gay, he loves Broadway and wants to be famous. He’s a hero, someone who will vanquish his foes and come out victorious! He has big dreams, and he’s determined to make them come true! He’s got high expectations, both for himself and for a future romantic partner. He’s confident, determined, sassy, and a huge diva.

Then we go a little deeper. He’s lonely, he’s desperate for love. He wants someone in his life. He wants to achieve his dreams so badly, but he has doubts. He’s unsure of himself. Both as a performer and as a lover. He’s unsure of his place among Thomas’s sides, if he’s important to them. He’s just really afraid, underneath it all. He’s so, so scared of possible failure, of letting Thomas down.

But he still wants to be the leader for the actors and singers and creators following him. He wants to show them that you can get back up again and take off after your dreams.

And then he decides that he wants to be the one to go after his dreams. really, truly, fully. He’s lonely, he’s scared of failure, but he doesn’t want to let that hold him back anymore.

Okay let’s start with the very first song on the playlist, A Gay Disney Prince.

So this one will be pretty obvious for everyone. Roman is a prince, Thomas is gay (ergo Roman is gay). Roman loves Disney. I would’ve been very confused if this song didn’t make it onto his playlist. I would’ve had to gotten through my social anxiety to ask them why. But they have it on there, so I don’t have to.

My interest lies in the fact that it’s the first song on there. Thomas said that while putting together to playlist, they were trying to make it like a story—a beginning, a climatic middle, and an end. So to start off with this song honestly makes a lot of sense to me.

Most kids walked through life but I sang and danced

… Everyone around me could see That Disney meant everything And as I grew up Disney did too

It starts with talking about Thomas (we’re going to talk mostly about Character Thomas, since in this context it feels a little weird to talk about Roman as if he wasn’t apart of a person) growing up loving music and Disney. So we’re starting from the beginning here, talking about when Thomas was younger. And as he grew up and his love of Disney did too, so did his realization of his sexuality. This song, as originally intended by (real) Thomas and Joan is that growing up as a gay man would have been a lot easier had Disney had that representation.

Disney don't shoot so straight You're in the musical scene --- A guy who likes guys who is still humanized in his Film! ---- Try the gay stuff, it's delicious! Please give us more than this bullshit Yeah, that's a bit screwy Makes me say Lefouey Put me in a film Gee, that would be swell --- Who is that prince I see? Very straight, unlike me

And then the stanza that really ties it all together: If only I'd had you in my early years I might have seemed less weird to my non-queer peers Who'd mature into parents, understanding and warm Knowing hetero-ever-after doesn't have to be the norm If they'd have seen

Someone like me

A gay Disney prince

Roman (C!Thomas) longs to have had that understanding as a child, to have that representation in the movies and songs and characters he loves so much. Roman is the side of hopes and dreams and romance. This one falls under the hope category, even though he is all grown up now, he still yearns to see a true gay Disney prince for that validation.

So we start simultaneously in Thomas’s childhood as well as him in the present. At least, the part that Roman cares the most about. Really who he wishes he could be.

Now onto the next song, Wonder Boy. Now, I know this is from a musical (appropriate), and one that I know next to nothing about, so I’m just going to go off the lyrics. Forgive me if I overlook something related to the plot of the show.

This song is one that highlights Roman’s need to be a hero.

High above the mucky-muck Castle made of clouds There sits Wonderboy Sitting oh so proudly

He wants to save the day! Concur the villain! Wonderboy is someone who sits above all and has all these powers to help him with this conquest!

The song goes on to talk about Wonderboy’s arch-nemisis, Nastyman, who has all these powers that make him on level with Wonderboy.

Now it's time for me to tell you about Young Nastyman Arch-rival and nemesis of Wonderboy With powers comparable to Wonderboy What powers you ask? I don't know how about the power of flight That do anything for ya? That's levitation, holmes How about the power to kill a yak From 200 yards away With mind-bullets That's telekinesis, Kyle How about the power To move you

Reminds ya a bit of Roman and Virgil huh? Roman is able to have a very big influence on Thomas. He literally holds Thomas’s hopes and dreams and everything he wants to do with his life. Virgil, on the other hand, can stop Thomas from achieving those dreams out of fear. He can be louder than Roman, get Thomas’s attention easier, make Thomas pay attention to him.

It’s interesting to me that in the song, Wonderboy and Nastyman end up joining forces in the end. It reminds me a little of Accepting Anxiety and Moving On, when Roman has to accept the fact that he has to work with Virgil in order for Thomas to be successful. He “joined forces” with the “villain” in order to be “victorious.” Well Wonderboy and Young Nastyman joined forces They formed a band the likes of which had never been seen And they called themselves Tenacious D That's right

Oh Take my hand Young Nastyman And we'll fly Bring out your broadsword There's the Hydra Slice his throat And grab his scrot' You take the high road I'll take the low

In the end, Roman learned that Virgil not only helps Thomas a lot, but works well with him in order for Thomas to create as well as he does. The “bring out your bradsword/there’s a Hydra/Slice his throat” part, to me, in the context of Roman, shows that he’s handing some of the control—and the glory—to Virgil. He’s letting Virgil help and working with him, like a team in a fantasy story learning to work together and finally finding how they work as a team.

And now…Disney Princess.

I love this song. It cracks me up. I think Thomas had it on one of his monthly playlists and that’s how I found it, but I love it so much. I’m so glad it’s on this playlist.

This song is chock full of satire. they take the ridiculous parts of the movies and put them in the song. And seeing as this comes after the Wonderboy song, you could honestly draw a comparison to The Dark Side of Disney which is really the first time Roman realizes he actually has something in common with Virgil, the supposed villain. It’s got the same kind of sarcasm that Virgil adopts in that video with the movies.

But there’s also a bit of wistfulness in it, because, yeah, the Disney princesses are the stars of Disney. The princes didn’t get a couple of cameos in the second Wreck-It-Ralph movie that Disney over-sold. As ridiculous as the situations the princesses went through at times, they do all have these amazing abilities and experiences.

If I were a Disney Princess I would have everything at my fingertips

---

And I wish I could be a Disney Princess So I could fight the Mongolian army

---

I could cry life saving tears I could resurrect dead men with my tears

Mulan, I wanna be you So that I could have a sassy dragon I want a sassy dragon

The song also makes it clear that they want all the good stuff that comes with being a Disney Princess. The attention, the powers, highfiving the ocean.

Also sassy dragon. We all want a sassy dragon in our lives.

I can see how Roman would hear this song and relate to it. Circling back to the first song, there’s no prince out there he can relate to, so he projects onto the heroines, the princesses. They always get the man, after all.

Then there’s this las verse, which I think is the most Roman out of the entire song.

I wanna be a Disney Princess And if I were I'd take no recess to spread the warmth and love It's the best way to live your life I'd be a handsome man's wife And we'd kiss, and we'd kiss, and we'd kiss it’s full of wistfulness and is really the only verse in the song that is more positive and not as sarcastic. Not only that, but it’s romantic as well. Replace wife with husband and you’ve got one of Roman’s biggest dreams: to find the [second] most handsomest prince in the world.

Broadway Here I Come!

From the brief research I did, this is a song from a musical TV series. I’m not going to go too much into it’s original context. And if you’re triggered by sensitive material, I suggest you don’t look it up either.

So in this song, it’s another pretty obvious Roman song. It talks about wanting to be on Broadway, to be famous, to be known, and how hard that success is. For any musical theater performer, Broadway is the ultimate goal. For someone like Roman, who does crave that success and fame, this song is almost like his cries of longing for it.

It shows how hard it is to make it. To be known and gain that success, and how even though some make it look easy, it’s actually very hard.

See I've been bravin' crazy weather Drownin' out my cries I pull myself together I'm focused on the prize

---

The people all are pointing I bet they'd never guess That the saint that they're anointing Is frightened of the mess But even though I fear it I'm playin' all my cards

It’s also got this hopefulness in it. Like the singer has no doubt that they’re going to make it. But there’s also some doubt. Will they still be the same person? Or will they change dramatically?

Will I remain the same, or will I change a little bit? Will I feel broken or totally complete? Will I retain my name when I'm the biggest, hugest hit? Or will I blend in with the rest of the street?

Roman, as much as he acts heroic and like he fears nothing, wants nothing more than to be known, be given the validation, to show off his talents. He knows he’s good, he knows he’s got what it takes, but it’s hard for him to get there. Maybe even to have the confidence to get there. People have to like him in order for him to have all that. They have to like his ideas, his talents. Without their validation, Thomas can’t succeed. Roman can’t succeed.

On to Hallelujah. No, not the amazing Jeff Buckly song (though this song is pretty amazing and catchy).

This one kinda ties in with the last one. It talks about wanting to be someone, wanting to be super star. And having people doubt that, even your own family. Also being inspired by other artist and the creations they make.

I heard it on the radio On my way back home That I'm gonna be someone I guess it was a song they wrote Saying don’t go slow 'Cause you're gonna be someone

--- Some days I don’t think my momma thinks I'm good enough to be a superstar But one day I will show her I'm a diamond in the rough, I'll be a superstar

It also throws that doubt in their faces. It kinda hints that their doubt only makes them want to succeed even more.

'Cause there's a crown Covered in glitter and gold I'm gonna wear it, whether you like it or not Yeah, there's a crown Covered in glitter and gold I’m gonna wear it, whether you like it or not And I’ll be singing Halle-halle-halle-halle-halle-hallelujah Halle-hallelujah Whether you like it or not

Also, no, I’m not going to ignore the ‘there’s a crown covered in glitter and gold’. Give Roman a glittery gold crown 2020.

But yeah, it really goes with the previous song. It matches the theme of Roman wanting to be famous, wanting Thomas to be famous and known. To wear that crown, no matter what anyone else says. No matter what they think, or how much they believe in him. It goes against the doubt in the last song, but don’t we all have those moments of doubt, then confidence, then doubt again? Our confidence can wavier and surge just as much as our anxiety.

Holding Out For A Hero. Ah, what a great song. Still should have been the Shrek 2 version because man could I have made some comparisons, but oh well.

So here we’ve taken a break from the dreams part and gone back to the hope and romance part. This song is pretty self-explanatory. The singer is looking for a partner who will be, well, their hero to come rescue them.

Now, I’m not sure if the intention for the inclusion of this song was that Roman would be that hero, if he is also waiting for that hero, or a bit of both. He is very save-the-damsel-in-distress type of prince archetype after all. But I wouldn’t be surprised if he wants a prince who matches his own heroic ideals and who would treat him the same. It also says a little something about his standards. He won’t let Thomas settle for just anyone. He’s got to be perfect (Roman’s standards of perfect, anyway).

Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods? Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and I turn, and I dream of what I need I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast And he's gotta be fresh from the fight I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light He's gotta be sure, and it's gotta be soon And he's gotta be larger than life Somewhere after midnight in my wildest fantasy Somewhere just beyond my reach, there's someone reaching back for me Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat It's gonna take a Superman to sweep me off my feet

Yes, I had to include the entire first part of the song. I honestly feel like it sums up Roman’s standards pretty well. He won’t settle for anything less than superman or Hercules himself.

On the other hand, it could be Roman’s standards for himself as well. He has to be that Superman, the savior of all those in trouble and be the dashing white knight. Just as he holds his talents up to high standards, he holds his entire self up to high standards (his…part of the personality?). His actions, his thoughts, his ideas. Everything has to be perfect. He has to be the hero to everyone around him.

If I Dare is so fucking beautiful. Sara Bareilles has such a pretty voice.

I love the message in it too. It’s such a strong “fuck off and watch me” song.

Which, you know, also goes with Roman. It ties in well with Hallelujah. It follows the same themes of people doubting the singer, and the singer basically saying “hold my purse” and going to prove their doubters wrong.

This song is basically saying, dare to hold yourself to higher standards than what others hold you to. Dare to do more than what you thought you could, because you really can surprise yourself.

Seriously just really listen to this song, it’s so empowering. I’m literally going to leave most of the lyrics, aside from the repeating ones. It’s so fucking great.

If I dare to ask it, then I dare it to be true If I dare to risk it, then I know that I'm willing to If I dare to want this, to want more than I have Then I dare to believe I'll have it in the end You climbed the mountain, sent pictures of the view And still can't believe when I started climbing, too You haven't heard that I'm not afraid to fall That I'm not deterred yet until I tell them all I am holding out for more than what I have now I'm holding out I don't want your pity, I won't use your little scraps I don't build my cities with what could get taken back I don't need permission to rise up when it hurts You don't have to listen, but you'll hear me Mark my words When the room gets dark, and I am quiet There's a voice that's soft, like someone's silhouette Saying, "Don't let me go yet" If I dare to ask it, then I dare it to be true (Believe me, I will be) If I dare to risk it, then I know that I'm willing to If I dare to want this, to want more than i have (Believe me, I will be) Then I dare to believe I'll have it in the end

If you can’t tell, I love this song.

It’s got such a confidence surge in it. It also goes with my last point in Holding Out for a Hero of Roman holding himself to high standards. Not only does he want to be a hero to others, and he’s not going to settle for any less, he’s not going to let anyone stop him. He’s not going to let the doubt, the fear, of others influence him. He’s going to take their pity and doubt and use it to make him stronger. He’s going to hold himself to these standards and take his own fate into his hands and be like Merida (no not go on a psychedelic trip with a bear, but good memory). He is going to be the gay Disney prince he needed so much for himself.

Go the Distance continues the “I’ll do what I want” theme. And I don’t mean that in an angsty teen kinda way. Just in a “You can’t strike down my confidence” kind of way.

Now, the tone of this song, while heroic and hopeful, is also a little softer than the others, so it kinda feels like it doesn’t fit, but the lyrics and meaning of it does.

Hercules is probably the closest Disney has to a Disney Prince being the main character of the movie (having the movie named after him, going into his backstory first, all that jazz). At least off the top of my head. He at the very least is the closest to having a hero song akin to Let it Go, Almost there, How Far I’ll Go, Show Yourself etc. (yes, Elsa’s on there twice. Yes, I know she’s not technically a princess, but she also has some pretty badass songs in what is technically considered Disney Princess movies).

And, I mean, it’s an incredibly hopeful song. Hercules is going out to prove himself, to show that he can be the hero he was born to be. I can see how that is something Roman would look to. How he can relate to.

It also goes along with the idea of wanting to be known and seen. Recognized for what you do.

I have often dreamed of a far-off place Where a great, warm welcome will be waiting for me Where the crowds will cheer when they see my face

The song is also about finding your place, where you feel like you should be. About keeping up hope as you go through the paths to where you need to be. Where that “hero’s welcome” will be waiting. Hercules feels like an outsider, like he doesn’t belong, so he’s searching for that place.

I'll be there someday, I can go the distance I will find my way, if I can be strong I know every mile, will be worth my while When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong

We all feel like that sometimes. Like we’re trying to find our place in the world. In the context of Roman, he’s in the middle of searching for that place. He wants Thomas to be in a place where he feels like he belongs, where he feels welcomed and embraced. In the theater world, maybe. Or YouTube. Maybe even Hollywood. Somewhere he can flourish, really show what he’s capable of, what Roman knows he’s capable of. But also where he doesn’t have to hide who he is, be it a different part of his talents or his sexuality. Roman wants Thomas to be in a place where people will embrace all of Roman.

And he’s going to find it. He’s going to do what it takes to get there.

Flamboyant is a fun one. This one delves into who Roman is, the kind of character that he is, rather than what he encompasses in Thomas. At least, that’s the way I see it. I’m sure if roman were the only side there, then, well, Thomas would just be Roman.

Looking at the lyrics and thinking back on the previous songs, this one makes me think that even though Roman wants (needs) people to like him, he also wants to be unapologetically himself. Extravagance and all.

Don't tell me what to do Don't tell me what to say You know I like it loud 'Cause that's the only way No taste for subtlety And no time for restraint No, I go all the way

I think we can all agree that this pretty much sums up Roman and the energy he gives off. We saw him in Virgil’s room. In Patton’s. Subtly is not something he’s very good at and he’s not very good with taking other people’s opinions (or suggestions) when it comes to his ideas or his work.

You always see me putting on a show I entertain until it's time to go

He’s always playing up the prince role. The actor role. He doesn’t tone it down. The fancy phrases, the exaggerated movement, the way he dresses.

At least until he thinks no one’s looking.

Alllllright now we’re getting into the love songs. Or…lust songs? Is that a category?

Okay, look, I’m ace, sex repulsed, and clueless at times. I’ll do my best here. But looking at the next few songs, it’s not a very happy story.

Jumpstarted is a song that I honestly can’t really pin down what it’s about. It’s catchy, for sure. I love the harmonies in it. But I can’t tell if it’s a love song or has a different meaning that I’m not going to delve into.

But in Roman’s case, it seems like a song that screams love. Roman is a part of Thomas that falls in love easily. He’s romance, after all (and, yes, lust. Remus too). So this song shows how easily he falls, and how easily those fantasies of romance can take hold.

As two hearts started dancing A new story begins

---

To the races, got my love jumpstarted The only one I want is you (Say it again, hey!) I hear the bells, and they're ringing already Four kids and a big ol' wedding, singing "You" (Say it again, hey!) Now as I make the long walk home You got me feeling like an overdose, singing (You)

Thomas is a romantic. Roman is proof enough of that. In Moving On, he’s coming up with all these wild ideas to get Thomas’s ex back. In other videos when they talk about love, he always expresses the most wistful reaction (or overdramatic. Or, well, both). Thomas sees one cute guy and Roman is already planning the next five years of their lives together. Not only does he want the romance, he craves it, so the tiny semblance of it has him running headlong into it.

And your gravity, my depravity won't take my advice (So nice) I never run while I still (Can)

Brave New Girl makes me think that this shows a wilder side of Roman. I suppose if there’s any side of Thomas who likes to part, it’d be Roman.

Also reckless.

Brave New Girl is a song that seems like it’s about someone who is new to the world, maybe a little naïve, but still out to have a good time. It’s reminiscent of your classic collage story. A freshman girl away from home for the first time and embracing the “collage life.” Parties, hook ups, your stereotypical definition of having fun (in the case of collage movies and such).

She wants a good time, no need to rewind She needs to really, really find what she wants She lands on both feet, won't take a back seat There's a brave new girl, and she's coming out tonight

Roman out of everyone else is the side that would really push Thomas to just let go, have fun. Maybe if Thomas wasn’t so introverted, he would be able to meet the love of his life. Maybe if Thomas didn’t hold himself back (or I suppose if Logan and Virgil didn’t hold him back) then they could have more fun and accomplish his dreams. And meet the love of his life!

This could also be reminiscent of Thomas’s coming out? It’s not something I want to try to “analyze” because that’s something personal to Thomas and also not something I’m too familiar with. I don’t really want to step on any toes. But with the song talking about a new person entering the world, and “uncovering [their] eyes” I thought to mention it here. After all, it would be after that that Roman really would get the chance to be fully himself.

Every Boy is very self explanatory. It’s just Roman being gay.

‘I just wanna kiss every boy in the world’ is repeated so many times, ya’ll. Like at this point you’ve probably listened to it, but that one phrase takes up most of the song.

It’s very much showing Thomas’s sexuality, because again, that’s a big part of Roman since he encompasses romance and sexuality.

It also shows a lot of wistfulness, because Thomas is single and doesn’t have a boy to kiss. Even the tone in the song kinda reflects that. He’s lonely he just wants to kiss a boy. All the boys. In the world.

But yeah Thomas really likes boys. Roman really really likes boys.

Okay now we’re just to the point of Roman being sassy.

Primadonna definition: a very temperamental person with an inflated view of their own talent or importance.

Sound like someone we know?

The song, Primadonna, really just reminds me again of Roman and how he acts and presents himself.

Living life like I'm in a play In the limelight I want to stay I know I've got a big ego I really don't know why it's such a big deal though

---

All I ever wanted was the world I can't help that I need it all The primadonna life, the rise and fall You say that I'm kinda difficult But it's always someone else's fault

The song also goes back to the whole Roman doing what he can to achieve his dreams, in a way. He is going to do what he can to get what he wants, but he doesn’t want to change who he is in order to get there. These last few songs really show that too, I think. The first songs, while showing longing for his hopes and dreams, these are showing that Roman honestly isn’t afraid to be himself. He’s out and proud, he’s got an ego (he is an ego), he’s sassy, extravagant, maybe a bit high matinance, and he doesn’t want to or plan to change for anyone.

Though…

King kinda has an exception.

Remember how I said Roman falls in love easily?

Yeah, this song kinda shows how that can go wrong. He clings to his loves, we’ve seen it. His refusal to let go of Thomas’s ex really shows that. Of course, there are lot of layers to that, but Roman was just as guilty about making Thomas (Patton) hold on to the hope of winning him back.

And, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh I was a king under your control And, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh I wanna feel like you've let me go

Maybe in this case it means that Roman (Thomas) felt that perhaps his ex did have some semblance of control over him still. He must have, if Thomas was still thinking about him.

I don’t want to reach too far with this comparison. Thomas left the details of his ex pretty vague. But still, it’s the only reason I can think of that this song would be on the playlist. Or the fact that Roman, while very forward and dramatic, can fall under the gaze of a pretty guy.

Cheap Queen is a song I had to look into a bit to understand it. Cheap queen is “a drag term for someone who is resourceful, who makes something out of nothing, who is a creator on a budget” (this is coming from the singer). While Roman isn’t a drag queen, he would take inspiration from them, and that definition can describe the kind of creator Roman is.

But there are some lyrics here that put in the context of Roman make me think that it shows more of his doubts.

I've been alright I've just been doing the same shit I've always liked (Smiling for the audience) Like smoking and movies and homies who bring me wine I've been going out too much (Queen) And talking 'bout myself too much (Oh, smiling for the audience)

Side thought: This song feels very…1920’s actress smoking in a green room vibes.

Why? I have no idea. Maybe it’s the background audio.

But it makes me think about this diva in a swing dress, a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

Yeah, I watch too much TV.

I can be good sometimes I'm a cheap queen I can be what you like And I can be bad sometimes I'm a real queen I can make grown men cry

Something about this verse makes me think that it’s a bit of Roman trying to prove himself? To himself, to the others, to his audience. While still trying to keep up his persona. Again, he wants people to like him, to like what he does. He is Thomas’s ego after all. He wants to please the masses.

Humility is where we get real.

So far, I think we’ve gone from who Roman is on the surface and slowly dug down. We’ve seen his insecurities, his hopes, his dreams, his more sexy side, his desperate side.

Now we’re seeing the lonely side.

Calling the world from isolation 'Cause right now, that's the ball where we be chained

---

I'm the lonely twin, the left hand Reset myself and get back on track I don't want this isolation See the state I'm in now?

Now I this verse isn’t intentionally targeting towards Roman, complete with the twin part, then I don’t know why it would be on this playlist. He feels isolated. Romantically, socially. Perhaps even among the sides. Look at the point where we are right now in the series. He had to give up on a huge dream with the callback. He’s being put on the back burner, Remus—the side he said is everything he doesn’t want to be—is now known to Thomas which means he has to deal with him even more.

If I pick it up when I know that it's broken Do I put it back? Or do I head out onto the lonesome trail And let you down?

I think he’s scared of letting Thomas down. Of not reaching the goals he sets out for them, of Logan being right. That the path Thomas is on is not one that is right for him. So he’s alone and scared and doubting himself and doing everything he can not to show it

Following that, Ain’t Got it Like That shows a bit of self-understanding, if I phrased that right?

Roman knows that he’s the only one of the sides who really wants these hopes and dreams for Thomas. Patton wants Thomas to be happy, so sure he supports Roman, but if Thomas were to listen to Logan or Deceit (and suppress Roman, his true hopes and dreams), then he would support them too.

One in a million, maybe it's me The chances of winning are slimmer than three Moving and shaking and makin' it happen Producing and singing while people was trappin' Chasing a dream and living for free A whole lotta people help the hell out of me A job ain't the move, I'm just a musician I followed the path, continued the mission

Roman’s going to continue being himself, doing his job, and trying to make himself heard. Even if he’s lonely and has self-confidence issues. He’s nothing if not determined. And as the song says, “a whole lotta people help the hell out of me.”

One thing Thomas has is friends and family who support and encourage him. They help to feed into what Roman wants and helps to give him the reassurance that he needs that he’s on the right path.

I got soul and a whole lotta songs I get love even if I'm dead wrong And I know that I got what I need Even when I don't got what I want

Roman is convinced he’s right. Look at how hard he fought Logan during their episode. He knows he can be wrong, he knows he’s not perfect, but he also knows that when it comes to the path Thomas is on, he is right and he is at least confidant in that fact.

Look I've thinking that I'm at the limit The fact I need money with all my decisions I want it all and all, I'll admit it If you never had it, I know that you get it They say that everything ain't gold, but damn I mean, I... wanna little of my own I'm sayin' that I know that (I know that) They say that pressure makes diamonds But I just wanna pay my bills on time

I feel like this song really shows that he understands that being a singer and performer is hard and definitely not the easy way out. The is really the only song here that talks about money. It’s hard to make it as a performer. YouTuber, actor, you name it. Roman knows this, but that doesn’t stop him from dreaming and being determined to go after those dreams.

God I love these last three songs

Do you guys have those set of songs that are like your inspirational songs? Ones that really make you feel good and the lyrics really speak to you and make you want to really go after what you want? Songs of hope. They sometimes make you cry if you think about the lyrics too much.

I feel like those are these songs for Roman. Or maybe I’m just projecting.

Dreamer is another song where I might just have all the lyrics here, because the entire song just feels like Roman talking to himself. Reminding himself of all these things.

Dream, little dreamer Don't care what they say Don't let the pain of their failure Tear you away

The other Sides. Logan, mainly. The naysayers on YouTube, the old friends who don’t believe in him. The people around him who fail at what he’s trying to do. He can’t let that get to him. He can’t let them get into his head. He has to keep going.

You can do anything What would you do if I told you You would always succeed

He has to remember that he can do anything. Thomas is capable of anything.

And well we're afraid of the same things Scared to end up alone Scared that no one will remember our names And well we're afraid of the same things Scared to try and to fail Scared our best isn't good enough

This really circles back to some of the middle songs. He wants to be remembered, known. He’s afraid he’s going to fail. That Thomas will not only not achieve his dreams, but that he will be alone through it all. Not even a shoulder to cry on. He scared of that failure. Scared of letting Thomas down. And through that…Thomas is scared of letting himself down.

Dream like you won't fail Sing like no one's there Dance like you don't care

And I mean you really have to. If you think too much about that failure, that fear, then it can hinder you. You have to move through life like you’re going to achieve your dreams, that no one can hold you back, not even yourself.

Even if you are scared. Even if you do really, really care.

Don't fear, little dreamer You'll get there one day And I know that it's scary But you'll succeed

Don't fear, little dreamer Let them hear you sing What would you do if I told you That we'll always believe

He has to remind himself of all of this. This support, this encouragement, is something every creator needs. It’s the fuel that keeps us going. So having this, in just a song, is so important for him.

And we all Oh we question the same things Why does life seem unfair Why does loneliness hurt so much

This part really highlights Roman’s feelings. Again, he’s lonely in this. He feels like life is unfair, that a wedding is getting it the way of achieving a dream he’s so close to.

And we all Oh we question the same things What is my purpose in life Why does love never seem like enough

I don’t really have too much to add to this one. I feel like it’s something that stands by itself. I can really see how Roman feels this way, asking himself these same questions.

---

You're exceptional You're original So stay true to your soul Don't let them take that away You're magnificent You're sensational And the dreams that you're dreaming will surely come true one day

More reminders that he needs to tell himself. That he needs to remember. He can’t let the doubters hold him back from his dreams. He can’t let the setbacks stop him.

I can imagine Roman having this song on when he’s feeling down. When the weight of all his failures and his loneliness feel like too much. I can picture him hanging on to every lyric, learning them and memorizing them so call on later when he starts to feel those doubts again.

Dream, little dreamer

This next song makes me cry.

Paving the Runway (You’re Gonna Fly) is so fucking good. It’s so pretty. The piano is gorgeous, the message is beautiful, it’s so soft. I love it a lot.

Okay, anyway.

This is another one that is there for encouragement. A reminder not to give up. Not even when your wings are broken and battered.

Go after your dreams, as crazy as they may seem Go chase all the stars in the sky Baby, I'll be paving the runway 'Cause I know that one day you're gonna fly Darling, stand on my shoulders Up where it's carefree, simple and good Baby, soon you'll be older You will reach higher than I ever could If ever your wings, are tired and broken things Can't see through the tears in your eyes Baby, I'll be paving the runway 'Cause I know that one day you're gonna fly

I can see Roman being tired. His job is not an easy one. He wants so much for himself, for Thomas, but it’s so hard. The rejections, the mistakes, the hardwork going into a project only for it to not do well. It’s enough to beat you down, flood you with doubts.

Think about the songs leading up to this. Growing up without seeing yourself in your favorite movies, trying so hard to work towards his dreams of singing and acting. Trying so hard to find love, only for it to be just as hard. being in this lonely place where he feels like he’s working by himself, not even the other sides really helping him (Patton being an exception at times, but even then, when it came to wedding vs callback, Patton went with wedding).

This is a song I think Roman would really need after all of that.

Another thing I like to think about with this, though, is that Roman is the one singing it to others. He’s been there, he knows what it’s like. He’s got bandaged wings that are still strong. He wants to be able to pave the runway for those coming after him. He wants to be a beacon of light for actors and singers and creators who were once or still are in his position, taking their hand, and helping them up, getting them running, and watching them fly towards their own dreams.

Maybe it’s a mixture of both. Maybe he’s not going to be the first gay Disney prince, but he can sure as hell make way for him, wherever he may be, while still going after his own dreams.

Now, imagine:

Roman is watching these other creators, all flying off towards their dreams. he take a deep breath and starts running himself.

GO is the song that plays as he takes off with his own bandaged and tattered wings.

Why are you waiting for Another open door You've seen it all before GO Exit stage left Lay your act to rest Don't second guess GO Do Do Do Do Do Do, Do Do

The fear within Has held you hostage Break free and live

Roman has been doubting himself. He’s been scared and lonely and not sure if what he’s doing, what he wants, is right.

He wants to think it is. No, he knows it is. So why is he holding himself back? He needs to just go, to do it.

I like that this song leaves it off with an ending, but not one that just ends, if that makes sense. Roman is off, going after his dreams. he picked himself back up and he’s off. What is he going to do next? Where is his next destination? Well, we’ll just have to wait and see.

#roman sanders #sanders sides #long post #roman's playlist analysis #remus sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #thomas sanders

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fencesandfrogs · 3 years

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an abridged history/explanation of warrior cats if you didn’t read them as a kid and have questions (a primer)

welcome. i’m going to keep things to the point, this is not a plot summary, just, well, its a pandemic and people are seeking items of childhood comfort and its come to my attention that a lot of people didn’t read these books as kids and then they come up in conversation and they act shocked so! i felt compelled to write this.

[2.5k words, 10min read. section headers, no pictures. not a ton of helpful formatting. i don’t want to say don’t read this because obviously i wrote it and think it’s worth reading, but i’ll be honest, this is a lot.]

section one: about me

i was an avid reader as a child, most of which fits solidly into “stories for another time,” and some of which would necessitate me adding tags onto this post that are, well, not necessary. so i will skip over that backstory but for those aware of lexile scores, i had one that was too high for literally any book that was appropriate to give me. so reading in school was torture and reading for fun was excellent.

now because i was a first-ish grader and my mom was trying to keep the fifth harry potter out of my hands, she looked desperately for something else to pass to me. her friend, who had a daughter a year or two older than me, was into these cat books, and my mom was like “here honey you like cats” without thinking too much about it.

which is good, because as i’ll get into, it was a really good fit for me. but like a dozen books later she asked me about the plot and well. i think at that moment she realized that it might have been better to just let me read harry potter.

but yeah i continued to read them long past the recommended reading ages and still as a Young Adult will return to them for nostalgia, and also as i will get into, some really good books. (see a list of books for “morbidly curious but i don’t want to spend 56 to 168 hours reading this”)

i’m not fully caught up on the series but this is not a plot summary so that should not impact my ability to discuss this

section two: content warnings

these books (not this post) includes the following:

discussion of castration (1.1 series 1, book 1, i’m not including this on every item/discussion because this is a complicated series but i want to demo how up front some of this is)

teenage romance/sex/pregnancy (1.1ish-1.3 or 4, continues throughout the series quite a lot, comes up again in 3.4/5, 4.4-5, and a bit in 5)

death from childbirth (1.can’t remember which book, many others)

unwanted pregnancy (se super edition, or a longer one off novel, discussed in 4&5)

sex/implied, discussed, and very very very heavily hinted but never directly said/shown (1.1-3ish, se, other)

murder (constantly, 1.1, 1.4, literally every book, 3.5, i’m just listing the ones i remember off the top of my head that were particularly graphic)

disability/illness, esp. the debilitating and/or deadly nature of it (1.3-5ish, 3.1, but all of 3, 3.4ish)

dementia (1.3-5, i’ve heard in some of the later series?)

abuse (7/8 this is reported i haven’t read these books but based on what i know it’s def there)

child abandonment (1.4-5, 3.4/5, it’s also all over the place but i think those are the only major character incidents of it)

treason (1.3-5, all over the place)

the horror/tragedy of war (background, but pretty constant)

disagreeing with an integral religion/tradition (3, based on the series title, 8, and generally scattered)

the corrupting influence of power (1.4/5, possibly 7/8, others)

racism (1, 3-5, possibly others)

sexism (se, background)

patriarchal societies (se, seems to be somewhat softened based on what i’ve heard but i’m not entirely sure about this)

and more! but it starts to get stranger and this is enough to prove my point

basically everything that could go wrong does

oh yeah! child abuse also child abuse that’s a very major theme in the first series as well as during other points. and elder abuse in the first series.

okay i’ve made my point.

section three: the appeal

look. so. i think we’re kind of pastel-ify children’s literature based on movies. see, parents have to watch children’s movies with their kids, so they can’t be gritty and intense because a lot of parents will say “not for my nine year old! they can’t deal with treason!” and that seems to be bleeding into children’s literature.

but warriors is not that. it’s intense, it borders on “too gruesome for children,” and it’s from a time where kids books got to be serious and heavy and dark because they were about animals. which was great because i couldn’t find books at my reading level that weren’t too thematically difficult, so i got to read something below my reading level, but thematically too hard, so it kind of balanced out.

and then well. so. the series grows with the audience, but the books don’t grow in terms of like difficulty so new readers start deep into it and it’s a complicated thing, the fandom history is complex, but.

the appeal is that parents don’t usually read the books their kids read and so they see a book about cats and assume it’s fluff, and kids who are starved of complex content get to read hamlet-for-kids.

section four: worldbuilding/lore

oh yeah also there’s some really deep lore to explore. so there’s two bits of appeal.

i’m not doing a full world/plot summary, but i’ll explain some common elements here.

thunder/shadow/wind/riverclan: harry potter houses for cats (gryffindor, slytherin, hufflepuff, ravenclaw, except this doesn’t work for the last two but that’s fine because no one cares about them despite riverclan being pretty important in most of the books)

-kit/-paw/-star: naming conventions. everyone has a two part name. (we’ll use cinder as an example because i like the two cinders we know, even tho neither of them get to be cinderstar.) babies are -kit (cinderkit), then when they’re apprentices, which is like being a student, you know, elementary through high school, you’re paw, so cinderpaw. then you get an Official Name from ur clan leader (cinderheart). if you become clan leader, you get to be -star (cinderstar). i know i haven’t explained clan leaders bear with me. this is kind of important because i have the names burned into my memory so i cannot simply always call firestar firestar if he was firepaw at the time of the events i’m describing. it won’t be ambiguous, cinderheart/cinderpelt are a special case. if this is tricky for you it’s fine just only read the first part of the name.

clan (leader, deputy, medicine cat, elder): roles with in the clan. leaders literally have nine lives. deputies are next in line and chosen by the leader. leaders usually go through several deputies, because deputies don’t have nine lives. medicine cats are doctors. they also have an apprentice. those are all one per clan. elders are just retired cats. they’re not a special category per say, but i wanted to mention them.

warrior: adult.

warrior code: laws.

star clan: dead cats. this ties into the religion which is pretty important to the books but for the most part if you understand that dead cats get to give guidance and send their approval, you have the gist of it.

section five: so um, what the fuck

so we start with a cat named rusty who runs into the woods to join thunderclan and then his name is firepaw and we all forget that he’s named rusty except for like that one time it comes up again. bluestar is a great leader with some corrupt deputies but fireheart eventually takes care of it and becomes clan leader which is a big deal.

then a bunch of other shit happens and suddenly ashfur is possessing brackenstar and being (more) abusive to squirrelflight (who is on the outs with brackenstar anyway for lying about their kits jayfeather, hollyleaf, and lionheart because they’re actually the children of firestar’s other daughter leafpool who had them with crowfeather after she fell in love with him but he’s from windclan and she’s a medicine cat so that’s double illegal and apparently hollyleaf is alive even though she yeeted herself into a pit and died because she killed ashfur when he threatened to reveal this but couldn’t live with being the product of an illegal meeting and then it was all pointless because leafpool stopped being a medicine cat out of guilt anyway and jayfeather is just an ornery bitch about everything but especially all of this)

i’m not explaining any of that.

section six: i repeat: so um, what the fuck

so the thing about these books is they’re soap operas and dramas about cats and that means they get just as strange and chaotic as anything else in the genre. i think a lot of people like me, who read them as children, regard the series we knew as a child (usually either the first three or the first five, plus super editions) as something good and warm and comforting (despite being dark and gruesome) because they made us feel good.

they were also a breeding ground for young fandom because of all the the drama that exists and the nature of the books providing that.

section seven: super editions

the simple answer to what a super edition is has already been given (it’s a novel length one-off about a single character, and its usually either a side character - bluestar, crowfeather - or a event/perspective we don’t get to see - firestar, skyclan, greystripe - and they’re generally more mature)

my favorite super edition is bluestar’s prophecy. i read it at like 16, slinking into the children’s library with a stack of other ya fiction and a “children’s book” which dealt with unwanted pregnancy, grief, forbidden love, and more. still not sure why that’s in the children’s section.

section eight: about the drama

so there’s been a lot of fandom drama about these books. i can’t tell you about the nuances, because i am an old fan, so i watched but didn’t partake. the highlights reel that i can recall goes as follows (please note i will refer to characters by name without explanation. it’s fine. the point of this section is to convey the pettiness of this drama):

tigerstar: did he do anything wrong? (the answer is holy shit yes, this isn’t discourse, it’s okay to like a villain)

scourge: did he do anything wrong, also what color is his collar? (also yes, doesn’t matter)

was the new prophecy (2)/omen of the stars (3)/etc good? (yes, eh, no, yes, no comment, no comment)

should jaypaw or hollypaw be medicine cat apprentice (neither of them, but jaypaw’s employment opportunities are limited because he’s blind, so its gotta b him)

uhh a massive tangle around this parentage drama between squirrelflight, leafpool, brackenfur, and crowfeather, which i used as the crux of humor for how batshit the plots can get, so i’m not even going to pretend i can make it funny, but just know that it’s batshit and the correct opinion is as follows: no one is right, but squirrelflight has done the least wrong, brackenfur is an asshole to her where it’s unwarrented, and hollyleaf is an idiot

and the current drama centers around brackenstar and ashfur and is tied directly to the point above, which is why i’ve kind of given up trying to make jokes about this because this is the culmination of like 35 novels.

section nine: i feel like i need to have some conclusive point to justify writing all of this

but i don’t have one, because this was really an excuse to ramble about an old passion for like half an hour. i mean i guess i can say, like, i think younger fans are sort of embroiled in this drama they don’t really have context for, because i’m not kidding, the current drama centers around the grandchildren of our original cast.

it’s kind of hard to know why, say, mistystar matters if you don’t know that she’s the child of bluefur and oakheart and if you don’t remember the drama that surrounded that when bluestar was dying and tigerstar and leopardstar were ruling a combined shadow/riverclan.

(i really hope that’s intelligible i tried to lay the groundwork for it. basically, there’s a biracial kid in a very segregated society who becomes the leader of one of the clans. which is obviously drama, especially considering that that clan was part of a weird supremacy movement a while back.)

& you know? i really hope one of the new series gets to be like, a soft reboot. just. end the current drama and pick up again with the latest generation. a) we’re starting to run out of names, and b) i think that it’s kind of tipped over the edge of sane.

the series also used to be very low fantasy. the cat societies are reasonably close to feral cat colonies (the biggest detail is that toms don’t all have their own territory, but there’s honestly in-universe discussion of this and it’s basically a culture thing), and while star clan/religion is a real and legitimate thing, there’s also a discussion of its abuse and most of the early books don’t really use star clan/related ideas as a physical force so much as a plot device, barring, like, when a new leader gets their nine lives.

honestly, i’ll always adore these books for serving the role they did, and a lot of the series is fantastically well written. but the fandom surrounding it can be, uh, not great because 9-14 year olds don’t really have good brains to understand this.

also, i’m very sad that i can’t find the flash game that was for the great prophecy. it was not very fun, but i enjoyed playing it, so if anyone knows the url so i can search the internet archive for it, please let me know.

section ten: i’m morbidly curious but there are 56 hours of books to read, assuming a very fast reading pace, so is there something i can start with to experience this without dedicating 4 days to it?

yes, there is.

it’s called bluestar’s prophecy. it’s standalone, and i should have given you enough of a background on the lore that you don’t need to know anything else. i’ve already given away the twist in series 1 that it would spoil, so you’re all good on that front.

if you want more, or want the original experience, the first series is self contained and quite good. i’ve given the broad outlines of the plot, but trust me, there’s a lot of surprises and all sorts of things i skipped over because while i like it, it’s not exactly fandom primer material

i also enjoy firestar’s quest and skyclan’s destiny for super editions, but you’ll need to read the first series to understand FQ and FQ to understand SD, so it’s not exactly a starting point. also, SD especially deals with a very different set of themes as the other books.

also, if you were to, say, search “readwarriorcats” (no spaces) on duckduckgo, and then click on one of the first links, you know, not the official site, the one hosted on one of those free website things, you know, not wix, not wordpress, the other one, you would only find lists of the books with hyperlinks.

#warrior cats #fandom #txt #mine #1st #February #2021 #February 1st 2021 #essay #personal #long #q

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yooniesim · 4 years

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𝓢𝓤𝓖𝓐𝓡 𝓕𝓡𝓔𝓔;; Update

hey everyone!! so i’ve just about collected all of the sf entries, and i’ve been getting them all organized and in game. but you’re probably wondering, what happens now? so i thought i’d go over a few faq type questions in this post!! (if you have anymore questions, please let me know and i’ll add them)

general questions

what are you doing with our sims, anyway?

well! at the moment, i’m sorting cc, giving them lil makeovers so they all fit together/in my game, and figuring out where they fit in everything i already had planned. this is a teeny spoiler, but all of them won’t be auditioning- some are already trainees with SF! but knowing how they DID audition was important, so that’s what i asked for~ hehe. i didn’t want anyone to get hopes up because not everyone will be in the posts all the time- i’m still writing and figuring out dynamics and stuff, and i have my own characters too of course- but i’m hoping everyone will show up at least once.

what exactly are you changing about them?

i’ll be changing their appearance somewhat in terms of some skin details, makeup, and clothing (dependent on the scene in question). but i’ll be keeping them as close to the original sim as i can while getting them a lil closer to my style (and lessening the load on my poor poor mods folder, lol). also, personality wise there may be some changes, just to fit the plot. i’m keeping 99% of everything you guys said, but i’ll be adding some things too. just because, though there won’t be any over the top “villains” in my story, people (especially young vulnerable teens in a stressful situation) are complicated and have flaws!! but i won’t be making them totally different sims or anything like that.

can we talk to you about our sims more?

yes!!!! if you have something to add, feel free to message me anytime. i love bouncing ideas off people, it just makes stories 10,000 times better imo (and i’m more of a roleplayer than an author at heart, i admit it willingly lol)

what the heck is this story even about???

like i said in the casting call post, it’s about yoonie’s entertainment agency, sugar free. yoon isn’t a main character in this, exactly, bc i wanted to focus on new sims, like a next generation type of thing, but it IS his company. so his life will have a lot of influence over what’s happening in the story, even if it’s not all on screen (which is relevant to the next question). but overall it’s about the trainees.

are there any potential triggers i need to know about?

yes. note that a large amount of these mostly have to deal with backstory, and while they may be mentioned, might not actually appear in the posts themselves. however, i will still tag EVERYTHING appropriately just to be safe. and will do warning text posts in advance if something i didn’t think of before pops up. here’s the list for now:

transphobia

homophobia

misgendering

body dysphoria

fatshaming

mpreg/trans preg

miscarriage

child abuse

eating disorders

depression/postpartum

attempted suicide

racism/colorism

i don’t intend this to be an over the top “dark” or mature story exactly, like i said a lot of this is rooted in backstory mentions, but there are some things that also just go along with the subject matter (homophobia, colorism, eating disorder, etc). it’s not drama for the sake of drama, but realistic i’d say. i’ll treat everything as sensitively as i can and, like i said, include appropriate tags. esp. regarding transphobia as my yoonie is trans and very candid while being in an environment that isn’t always accepting and kind.

how will the posts be formatted?

i’ve gone over this a lot in my head, because i’m always caught between doing subtitles on posts and writing in the description. so this is what i think i’ve settled on: the posts themselves will usually have dialogue subtitles. however, down below i’ll write a much more descriptive version of what’s going on, including all the dialogue from the subtitles. i hope this will help especially with people that find it difficult to see subtitles on pictures/just don’t like them that much, as well as people that don’t want to read everything in big blocks of text.

do you already have posts finished? is there a schedule?

i already have some posts finished and i’ve been doing a lot of writing. however, since i just got everyone’s sims, i’m still working out some plot points with new characters. there won’t be a formal schedule. i just wanted to share from my personal universe in a fun way (and see all you guys’ amazing sims hehe).

in-universe questions

when does this take place?

2028. bangtan has been disbanded for seven years. sugar free entertainment is still in its relative infancy as a subsidiary of big hit entertainment. big hit still has the same CEOs, while jin holds a president position. source music still exists as a subsidiary, and so gfriend is still a thing, but txt does not exist here. for reasons... you’ll see eventually.

where does this take place?

two countries: us and sk. i’m using sim cities too, but i consider them to be “american” cities (ex. san myshuno). sfe is based in korea of course, but yoon does a lot of traveling and capitalizing on the western market (so he holds auditions in usa, canada, etc too)

simlish? english? korean? what’s going on with languages?

just because i like simlish (lol), in this universe simlish replaces english. but of course, i’m still typing in english so everyone that is an english speaker can understand XD plus, that’s the only language i’m fluent in... tho being fluent in simlish would be an achievement, haha. all other languages still exist, korean, japanese, etc.

i think that’s all for now, but if you have any more questions pls let me know :)

#text #ceci speaks #sf updates #sf faq

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chickensarentcheap · 4 years

Text

Best Part of Me -Chapter 20

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @innerpaperexpertcloud

Every Saturday morning Millie has him up at the crack of dawn; a habit she’d developed after their first weekend back in Australia, when she pestered him awake, insisting he watch the sunrise with her. Six months later he can still remember the look of awe and wonder on her face; those blue eyes impossibly wide, her mouth hanging open in shock, hands clasped tightly against her chest. It became their ‘thing’. Sitting out on the back patio and watching as the sun came up, having breakfast and then heading down to the beach. If the conditions were right and the winds not too strong and the waves not too challenging, he’d take her surfing; she’d been a natural from the start, confident, expressing no fear or hesitation. She even had her own board: a custom job that he’d let her pick out and choose the colors and designs she wanted on it. If things weren’t cooperating, they’d take Mac for a walk along the beach and throw things in the water for him to retrieve. Millie would collect rocks, shells and all the beach glass she could possibly find; adding everything to the already expansive collection she kept in shoe boxes under her bed. Or they’d take a hike through the woods that bordered their property, and she’d use his phone to take pictures of any wildlife and ‘cool looking stuff’ they’d stumble upon.

It’s their time together. Before all her siblings are awake and the chaos of the day begins. Just shy of six years old and despite her penchant for profanity and fighting, she’s insanely intelligent and well spoken; introspective and wise, oddly intuitive for someone so young. More like her mother than anyone realizes. And he cherishes their alone time. She’s not his first born; no one could ever replace Austin. But she’s the first in his new life; a living reminder of the second chance that he’s given. A beautiful, amazing little soul that had been created during quite possibly the craziest and most difficult time of his life; in the midst of all the loss and the destruction that Dhaka had brought with it. An accident maybe, not but a mistake. Their bond is profound, stronger than the others. He’d been with her from the go after all, when she was still being carried inside of her mother’s body. When she was a baby, he hadn’t gotten back into the job yet. There’d been no leaving in the middle of the night, no being absent for days and often weeks. And he’d been so grateful to be given another shot at being a father that he’d devoted every waking moment to her.

After the sunrise she helps him make breakfast; standing on one of the kitchen chairs she pushes right up against the stove. The same thing she has him make every Saturday: pancakes topped with fresh fruit and syrup. Proud of herself when she gets the responsibility of mixing the batter and ladling it onto the griddle. Talking his ear off the entire time the food cooks; the dreams she’d had during the night,, everything she’d learned in school that week, all the different activities she and her friends had engaged in during gym and recess. All bright eyed and cheerful, a stark comparison to his more sullen and quiet morning mood. But he humors her. Like always. Offering up nods or small comments at the appropriate times, sympathetic scowls or shakes of the head when she’d complain about something she found wildly unfair or particularly disturbing. When all the food is prepared and they’re ready to head outside to eat, she throws her arms around his neck and squeezes as tight as she can. And when she says “I love you daddy” in that little voice of hers, everything seems perfect and right in the world.

Breakfast is finished and he’s on his second coffee of the morning when she speaks again. Her thick, unruly hair tumbling down the sides of her face and to the middle of her back as she sits across from him; feet up on the seat and her Hello Kitty pajama top pulled over skinned and bruised knees. Those blue eyes dark and serious, her brow furrowed.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah?”

“Is it true you almost died?”

Tyler watches her over the top of his mug, lips pressed against the rim. She’s already perfected the poker face, not even the slightest hint of emotion. And she suddenly seems so much older and mature than her actual age.

“The other night when we saw Auntie Nik and Uncle Kyle,” she continues. “Mommy said you almost died. Is that true?”

Fuck, he silently curses. It had been bad enough dealing with the fallout of Ovi telling her about his ‘real job’; that the reason he went away so often was because he was ‘helping get good people away from bad people’. The nightmares had lasted for two months; she’d wake up screaming in terror, often wetting her bed, sometimes even throwing up. But now this? His own brush with death was something he’d hoped to not have to touch on until she was much older. If ever.

“It is,” he confesses. “I did almost die.”

“The bad guys hurt you?”

He nods.

“How? How did they hurt you?”

“You don’t need to know those things. Maybe when you’re older I’ll tell you. But you’re too young to hear all of that.”

“But it was really bad,” she states.

“Yeah. It was really bad.”

Her expression remains neutral, eyes fixed on her fingers as they fidget with a loose piece of thread on the hem of her night shirt. “Mommy was there too?”

“Mommy was there,” he confirms. “She helped me. So I wouldn’t die.”

“So she’s a hero?”

“I think so. She’s my hero, at least.”

Millie smiles at that. Then quickly turns serious again; those deep lines in her forehead returning, eyes darkening once more. “If you died, I wouldn’t be here. And neither would TJ or Tanner or Declan or Addie.”

“You would still be here. You were going to be here whether I died or not. You were already in mommy’s tummy.”

“Did you know? That I was in there.”

Tyler shakes his head. “I didn’t know. Neither did mommy.”

“How come? How come you didn’t know?”

“The doctor hadn’t told us yet,” it seems like the easiest and most logical explanation for a child to grasp. “We didn’t find out until a little while later that we were having you.”

“So if you died, mommy would have been all alone when she found out about me? She would have had to have me all by herself? With no daddy in the room?”

He manages a nod, finding himself fighting back his own wave of emotion. It’s something he doesn’t think about often; if he’d died and Esme would have been left to handle everything on her own. How she would have felt finding out that she was carrying the baby of a dead man. With nothing more than those five days in Dhaka to remember him by.

“That’s sad,” Millie’s voice is a near whisper, tears slipping down her cheeks. “Poor mommy.”

He doesn’t know what to say. Or if there’s anything he can say. No wise or helpful words of comfort that can heal that particular wound. Especially when flooded with his own emotions: sadness, regret, guilt. That he’d ever put Esme in that situation in the first place.

Millie rebounds quickly; brushing the tears off her cheeks with the backs of her hands and tucking her hair behind her ears. “Were you happy?” she asks. “When you found out that I was in mommy’s tummy?”

“Yeah...” he takes a swig of coffee. “...I was happy. Surprised. But happy.”

“A good surprise?”

He smiles. “A very good surprise.”

“Because you were sad before, right? Because Austin died. And he was you first baby. I’m the second.”

“You’re my first too. You’re my first with your mom. That still counts. And yeah, I was happy because I was getting a second chance to be a dad. Your mommy gave me that chance. So did you. Did you know that I used to talk to you all the time? When you were in mommy’s tummy.”

Her eyes and her voice brighten. “You did?”

Tyler nods. “I used to put my hand on mommy’s stomach and you’d always kick it. I used to tell you all kinds of stuff. About all the thing we were going to get to do together. About how awesome it was going to be take you to beach and teach you how to surf. About how much I loved you and couldn’t wait to meet you.”

“Mommy said that you got to meet me first. When I was born.”

“I did. I was the very first person that doctor gave you to.”

“Did you cry?”

“I did,” he admits. “More than you did, I think. You were kind of quiet, actually. You were just looking around at everyone and everything with those big blue eyes.”

“What did I look like?”

“You were really small. Not as small as Addie though. You were three pounds heavier than her. And you had tons of hair. A little darker than it is now.”

“Was I cute?”

“The cutest baby ever.”

“Did I look like you or mommy?”

“Would I say you were the cutest baby ever if you looked like your mom? Come on now.”

“Daddy!” she scolds. “That’s mean. Mommy is very pretty.”

“She is. You’re the cutest baby ever and she’s the prettiest mommy ever. But you looked like me. You looked like me then and you look like me now.”

“That’s okay I guess,” she gives a rather forlorn sigh. “I mean, you’re okay to look at, I suppose.”

Tyler smirks. “Now who’s mean?”

“I learn from the best,” she declares, then reaches for the plastic cup of chocolate milk that sits on the table. “If you and mommy didn’t know each other and didn’t have any kids and you met her somewhere, would you still fall in love with her?”

“Absolutely,” he replies with no hesitation.

“Would you still marry her?”

“I’d marry your mom a million times over. Think she’d marry me? If she didn’t know me yet and just met me?”

“I think so. I mean, she obviously loves you, right?”

“Think so?”

“I know so. I mean, she puts up with your shit.”

Tyler laughs at that. “Yeah,” he agrees. “She does.”

“But I think you’re doing okay, daddy. I think you’re brave and you’re strong and you need to be nicer to yourself. You need to say nice things to yourself instead of bad things. When you get up in the morning, you should look in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re awesome and no one is going to make you angry or sad or dull your sparkle. That’s what I do, you know,” she pushes her hand through her hair, moving it off her forehead and away from her face. “Every day when I get up, I tell myself, ‘Amelia, it’s going to be a great day’. I use my real name when I talk to myself. Just ‘cause.”

Tyler grins. “You talk to yourself a lot?”

“When I want to have an intelligent conversation,” she responds, and he nearly chokes on a mouthful of coffee. “I mean, have you met the kids in my class? Or my brothers? I have to talk to myself. There’s no other option. And I tell myself, ‘Amelia, no one is going to dull your sparkle!’”

“No one could EVER dull your sparkle, Millie. No one. You’re a lot like your mom, you know. More than people realize.”

Esme is all personality as well. For years she’d had to hide it behind a tough, no nonsense exterior; her time in the Corps, the disastrous marriage to Mark, her years on the job spent lying and conning people. She’d never been able to be herself, for one reason or the other. But the true Esme had always been lingering just under the surface; vibrant and carefree, a bit of a wild child, one that loves life and everyone in it and tries to never waste time on regret and ‘what ifs’. Moving back to Australia had brought it all out of her. It had been like meeting her all over again for the first time; she was Esme, but she wasn’t. Even now there are shades of the Dhaka Esme lingering under the surface, but that Esme is no longer in control. The new one has taken over. And seeing those different sides to her...seeing her real personality come out...had made him fall even more in love with her. Which he had thought wasn’t even remotely possible.

“If you don’t think you can tell yourself stuff like that, I can do it for you,” his daughter offers. “I can tell you that you’re awesome and that you’re brave and strong and that there’s no better daddy in the whole, wide world. Not even in the whole universe.”

Tyler never thought an almost six-year-old could bring him to his knees, but if he’d been standing, she would have done just that. The words take his breath away; so innocent and pure. So honest. That IS how she sees him. To her, he’s the strongest, bravest man that exists. She doesn’t know just how broken and damaged he actually is, nor does she have any recollection of the birthdays he’s missed or the times he’d left in the middle of the night without even saying goodbye. And if she does, she’s forgiven him and holds no grudges.

“Don’t cry, daddy,” she implores, and she’s climbing into his lap now and taking his face in her hands. “Don’t be sad. Be happy. I’m here.”

“You have no idea how happy that does make me. That you ARE here.”

Her eyes sparkly mischievously. “Because I’m your favorite?”

“I don’t have a favorite. I love all of you.”

She rubs her palms against his beard, giggling at how it feels against her skin. “It’s okay, daddy. You can tell me. I can keep a secret.”

Grinning, he combs a hand through her hair, moving it away from her face and pushing it off her shoulders. “You’re my favorite,” he concedes, and presses a kiss to her forehead.

She gives a brilliant smile; one that wrinkles the corners of her eyes and crinkles the top of her nose. Then wraps her arms around his neck and settles her head on his shoulder. “I knew it.”

****

“I really do want a puppy,” Millie announces three hours later, from where she’s perched upon his shoulders, hands clasped together and forearms folded, resting on top of his head.

They’d spent nearly two hours in the water; alternating between swimming and surfing, then had joined the rest of their family for a second breakfast. And while Esme and Declan went to the neighbors and Kyle took the twins for a ‘guys day, Millie had insisted of spending the day with him. Even if meant doing nothing more than going into town and running errands: picking up baby formula and prescriptions, checking items off a small grocery list, and browsing through stores. Since their talk that morning she’d been clingy; more so than usual, not wanting to let him out of her sight. And he enjoys it; the way she’s so attached to him. Even the way she can talk him into doing just about anything for her. Possessing the innate ability to get him out of his comfort zone without him even realizing he’s doing it.

“What kind of puppy?” Tyler asks, shopping bags on one hand, free arm across her legs to keep her in place.

“I dunno. A cute one. A fluffy one. Really fluffy. Like a little bear. But not as mean and big when it grows up.”

“We already have Mac,” he reminds her.

“Mac needs a friend.”

“He has you and your brothers and your sister.”

“A furry friend. Like him.”

“He does, does he?”

Millie nods. “Maybe for my birthday?”

“You never know.”

He and Esme had already made the decision; picking out –and paying for- an Australian shepherd that could picked up the morning of the big day. A friendly –albeit extremely hyper- little thing with enormous blue eyes and a playful disposition. The breeder had asked for a name so the puppy could get used to it and recognize it in the home, and without hesitation he’d said ‘Saju’. It seemed fitting; that man had been strong and loyal to the bitter end.

“I’m going to be six, you know,” Millie says.

“I know. I was there when you were born, remember?”

“Did mommy cry? When I was born?”

“What is your obsession with people crying when you were born?”

“Mommy and I watched The Baby Story on Netflix. Everyone on that show cries when their baby is born. Did mommy?”

“Mommy cries at sad commercials. Of course she cried when you were born.”

“Was she sad?”

“Why would she be sad? She was happy. And relieved. Because you were healthy and you made it safe and sound. It was a lot of hard work, you know. Keeping you inside of her as long as she could. Couple times we didn’t think you’d make it that far. That you’d arrive a lot sooner.”

“Like Addie?”

Tyler nods.

“Addie’s super tiny! But she’s tough. And when she squeezes my finger, she squeezes really hard! When she’s older, I’m going to teach her to fight. So no boys pick on her.”

“How about you not teach her to fight and you just beat up whoever picks on her.”

“Like a bodyguard?”

“Exactly.”

“I can do that. Keep the boys away from her. Because boys suck!”

Tyler smirks. “I’m a boy. I don’t suck.”

“That’s different. You’re daddy. You’re a boy, but you’re not.”

“What happened to that Ryan kid?”

“We broke up,” she sighs. “I was sad at first, but mommy said there’s lot of other fish in the pond and I should keep fishing until I find the right one. Even if I have to fish until I’m a lot older. And she said I should never lower my standards.”

“She’s a pretty smart lady that mommy of yours.”

“She is. You’re lucky daddy. That she loves you. ‘Cause she’s crazy cute and crazy smart and lots of boys want someone who is crazy cute and crazy smart.”

“Yeah? What boys? I want names so I can beat them up.”

“Don’t be jealous just ‘cause boys like her. Appreciate it. They like her, but she likes you.”

“You know, you’re awful smart for just about six.”

“I know,” she giggles. “Cute like daddy, smart like mommy.”

“That’s exactly it.”

He stops at the truck to put the bags in the back and they continue on. Taking her to the pet store, where she ‘ooos and awws’ over the wall to wall tanks of various sizes and colors of fish, giggles at the antics of the birds and the hamsters, and gets to pet the kittens and a hedgehog the workers bring out for her to see. But she’s most intrigued by a large tarantula and the snakes. The kid that doesn’t panic when the Huntsmen spiders get into the house or someone finds a snake curled up and hiding in the toe of one of their shoes. She’s calm and composed while everyone else –aside from him- if losing their minds and Esme is threatening to burn the place down.

They go for ice cream next; in a candy shop very similar to the one they used to frequent in Telluride. Millie never talks about Colorado or about their old home; almost as if those times never even existed and she’d been in Australia from day one. Her developing accent is stronger than the other kids’ and every day he hears her voice changing more and more; filling him with a sense of pride that he can’t quite explain.

He sees the way people react to them together; the smiles and the passing comments they get, especially from women. It’s the visual, he supposes. Someone his height and his size catering to a little girl in pig tails and a flamingo patterned sundress.

“Why do girls like big muscles?” Millie asks, as they sit at table on the outdoor patio; kneeling in her seat in order to reach her bowl of ice cream.

“I don’t know,” Tyler replies. “Who likes big muscles?”

“Lots of girls. Mommy does. She likes YOUR big muscles.”

“Mommy knows a good thing when sees it, I guess.”

“I see the way girls look at your muscles. How they look at YOU. I hate it. It’s gross. You’re my dad. I don’t want them thirsty bitches looking at you.”

He frowns. “Amelia...”

“I know...I know...bad language...sorry. But it’s true. I don’t want girls looking at my dad like that. You’re already married. To mommy.”

“Yeah, and I’m going to stay married to mommy. Doesn’t mean other girls can't look. Just means they can’t touch.”

“’Cause mommy will throat punch them.”

Tyler nods. “Exactly.”

“And don’t want Salena looking at you like that either. I don’t appreciate her touching you. Touching your arm. That made me mad.”

“You need to relax.”

“Don’t tell me to relax.”

He can’t help but laugh. “You sounded exactly like your mother just then.”

“She shouldn’t have touched you,” Millie continues her rant. “Only mommy should. Because you’re daddy and she’s mommy and you should only touch each other.”

“That’s a very good point. You don’t like her? Salena?”

“I dunno,” Millie shrugs. “I guess she’s okay. It just made me mad. When she touched you.”

“It’s no big deal. Mommy said it was okay.”

“I don’t care. It was wrong and you can’t convince me otherwise. Do you want other guys touching mommy?”

Tyler scowls. “Do they?”

“That’s not the question. Do you? Want other guys touching her?”

“There better not be other guys touching her.”

“Mommy would never let them touch her. Only you’re allowed to touch her.”

“Have other guys tried? Have you seen them try?”

“Daddy, you’re missing the whole point,” she sighs in exasperation. “Do you, or don’t you? Sheesh.”

“I’ll more than throat punch any guy that touches your mother.”

“Well then no girl should touch you either. It’s only fair.”

“You know, you are way too smart for your own good.”

“It’s common sense!” Millie reasons. “I’m going to tell her when I see her. That she’s not allowed to touch you ever again. Or else.”

“How about you stop being such a bad ass and mind your business,” Tyler suggests.

“You’re my dad. You ARE my business.”

“Why don’t you like her?” he asks once more. “Other than the whole touching me thing.”

“It’s not that I don’t like her...I just...” she sighs and allows the words to trail off.

Tyler watches her at he eats his own ice cream; patiently waiting for her to continue. Recognizing that intense, deep in thought expression on her face. It’s one he’s seen many times in the mirror. Esme had called it ‘frowny eyebrows’.

“I don’t trust her,” Millie finally says.

“Why?”

“I don’t know, she shrugs, and licks ice cream off the end of her spoon. “I just don’t. Do you?”

“I’m trying to,” he admits.

“Maybe you don’t trust her for a reason. Maybe you don’t know what it is either.”

“Or I’m just paranoid.”

“No. That’s not it. Mommy says you have really good...” her eyebrows pinch together once more as she struggles to remember the word.

“Instincts?” Tyler offers.

“Yeah! That’s it. Instincts. That’s what mommy said. Those are good things to have, yeah?”

“Most of the time.”

“So maybe they said not to trust her, and you need to listen to them.”

He chuckles. “I don’t know what kind of ‘grow up juice’ they’re giving you at school, but I think you need to lay off it. There’s no way you’re only five.”

“Excuse you, I’m almost six.”

“Sorry. Almost six. You sure you’re not more like sixty?”

“Just six. But six means I’m getting bigger. That I’m growing up.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“I can’t stay little forever, daddy. No matter how much you want me to. One day I’m going to get married and you’re going to have to give me away.”

Tyler frowns. “Are you intentionally trying to depress me or...?”

“I’m just saying. It’s sad. That mommy’s daddy didn’t get to do that when she married you.”

“He died a long time before I ever met your mom. She was just a teenager.”

“But even though he’s dead, he’s still my grandpa, yeah?”

Tyler nods.

“And your dad is my grandpa too. But I don’t get to see him. Even though he’s still alive. Mommy said he’s sick. Will I catch it if I go see him?”

“It’s not that kind of sick. You can’t catch it.”

She pouts. “I don’t remember him.”

“You were just a baby the last time I took you there. Did you want to see him?”

“Yeah...I guess...I mean, he’s my grandpa. Will he remember me?”

“Probably not. It’s been a long time since he last saw you.”

“When we moved away when I was a baby. Maybe you could take me there. To see him. So he can see what I look like now.”

“If you want to go and see him, I’ll take you. But...”

She arches an eyebrow, spoon in her mouth as she waits for him to continue.

“...he doesn’t remember who I am, either. Some days he does, some days he doesn’t. It might be a good day for him, might be a bad day.”

“Because he’s sick? Is his brain sick.”

“Yup. That’s exactly it”

“Which means we can’t even bring him popsicles and chicken noodle soup. Those always make me feel better when I’m sick.”

“He might like them, but they don’t help.”

“Hmmm...” her eyes focus on the snack in front of her, spoon swirling around in the now melted remnants of ice cream; bottom lip pulled between her teeth. “...but it might cheer him up. To see me.”

“It could,” Tyler agrees.

“And maybe he can come to my birthday party.”

“What birthday party?” He inquires, and she gives him a sly smile, spoon poised against her lips.

“Amelia.”

“Daddy,” she responds, using the exact same tone.

“What birthday party?”

“Mommy said I had to talk to you about it. And then you could talk to her.”

“About...”

“Okay....so....” she scoops the last of the melted ice cream into her mouth and then ducks under the table, resurfacing beside him and scrambling into his lap. “...I thought it would be really fun if the whole class could come over.”

“To our house?”

She nods enthusiastically.

“That’s a lot of kids.” And a lot of parents that will likely stick around. Each of them complete strangers. In the one place he holds most sacred and where he feels the most at ease. And he can feel the anxiety building at the mere thought of it.

“We have lots of room,” she reasons. “And a big beach and lots of water. None of my other friends have any of that. It would be really fun. A beach party.”

“And you’re sure that’s what you want to do? You don’t want to go to the amusement park or to go the koala sanctuary or...?”

“I like home the best. It’s the most fun. Mommy said to talk you about I.”

“She did, did she?”

Millie nods. “I know you don’t like lots of people around, daddy. It’s because of the bad guys, right?”

“You don’t worry about that stuff, okay?” He offers her the last spoonful of his ice cream and she happily accepts it. “Those things aren’t for little people to worry about.”

“But you’re my daddy,” she reasons. “So I worry about you.”

“I know. And I appreciate it and I love you for it. But you’re five...”

“Almost six!” she interjects.

“...and you need to worry about kid stuff. Not about that crap. And you really want to have you friends over for your birthday?”

“I do.”

“I’ll talk to your mom and we’ll make it happen. I’ll deal with it my own shit.”

Millie giggles. “You said no bad language today, daddy.”

“I’m sorry. You’re right. Fuck.”

“Daddy!” she erupts into giggles. “That even worse language!”

“You going to rat on me to your mom?”

“I’d never rat on you. Unless some other girl touches you. Then I will tell mommy for sure.”

“You’re touching me right now,” he points out.

“That’s different. I’m allowed.”

“Says who?”

“You’re my dad. You helped make me. I still don’t understand how though. How’d you help? How’d you get me in mommy’s tummy?”

“I just did. You don’t need to know how.”

“Why?”

“Because I said so. Ready to go?”

“Ready!” she chirps, and then wriggles her way around to his back; wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his torso.

“You’re choking me,” he gasps and gags dramatically

“Sorry,” Millie laughs, and he waits until she once more gets herself up onto his shoulder, hands tightly gripping his hair as he stands up. “Don’t drop me!” she pleads. “You’re a giant and I’ve got a long way to fall!”

“Your hard head will protect you,” he assures her.

“I don’t have a hard head. That’s mean, daddy. Let’s go to the dollar store!” she declares, as he tosses the empty bowls and dirty spoons into the trash.

“No way. I take you in there, I’m stuck there for hours.”

“I need craft paper. And glitter.”

“For what?”

“Birthday invitations. I want to make my own. You can help.”

“That’s more your mother’s thing.”

“Mommy does enough. You can help.”

“Millie...”

“Daddy...” she giggles.

“How do you always manage to talk me into these things?”

“Because you love me and I’m your favorite.”

“Fifteen minutes in the store. In and out.”

“Twenty if the line is long,” Millie debates.

“I’m only agreeing to twenty if you use your allowance and buy me a Gatorade.

She laughs and rests her chin on the top of his head. “Deal.”

#tyler rake #tyler rake fan fic #tyler rake fan fiction #extraction #best part of me #chris hemsworth character

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silverfly · 4 years

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Moving on in 2020

A lot has been bothering me lately. It could be my new medicine update and finally trying to get back into therapy. It could be my reflections on the past decade especially the past year, and I wanted to put it all out in one post. So, TW may pop up. I’ll be tagging appropriately if that’s the case. If you read.. then thank you. It means a lot even if I don’t know you did.

Late 2018-Mid 2019 was honestly a dark period for me. I won’t deny that and in fact i’ve honestly repressed a lot of memories from that time. I had a suicide attempt in November of 2018 that left me hurdling into a depressive episode I’m still trying to move on from. It lasted over half a year, crazy right?

In this time period of about November i’d say to April I honestly have very little memories. The person I was is someone I don’t know anymore. I understand the actions I had were very toxic and negative, I take responsibility for that. I won’t go and say “well I said sorry!” because that isn’t enough. My actions since then I hope have slowly proven I am in fact changing and bettering myself every day (though I don’t expect people to forget and forgive entirely and I honestly hope they don’t. Because it’s something that I did and hurt people, and I want to be held accountable. I won’t deny it happened)

It’s a new decade and I know a lot has happened. I know a lot of friends left me or talked ill about me, and I understand I would have done the same. But it’s come to my attention some of this has stemmed into the new year and even the past few months. I understand people may still be hurt (though it was a lot so I wasn’t given specifics of who it was) and that’s ok. But I think for myself and my own mental well being in trying to recover I need to put my own foot down. Even if I lose people over this I know it’ll be the right choice in the end. Not everything will stay the same forever.

If you have talked bad about me behind my back this month then I think we should part ways. If you feel pity for me and are only trying to be my friend because of that then we should stop talking. I don’t want to continue having a bad relationship where we both end up hurt. I say this with anything. If I say something wrong tell me face to face. I know it’s hard but also the mature thing to do. If you keep feelings pent up I can’t fix my behavior. If you have accused me of something behind closed doors or or talked negatively about me multiple times in a serious matter / tone of voice to other people without bringing it to me, then we should stop talking now.

You can just say that we should part ways because of this and I will understand. You can not say anything and ignore me, and I’ll know you read this and decided that. I want to improve but to do that I need to move away from relationships that will no longer benefit both of us. Please understand this in the best way.

If you leave I hope only the best for you in your future and I can’t wait to see from a distance what you achieve. Thank you for being part of my journey in the past. But the future doesn’t see us together and I hope you will find your best self this decade (I hope that for me too)

For those that stay, I love you more then you will ever know. I cherish each and every one of you so much. I hope this decade and especially this year I can make you happy and be a positive light in your life. I can’t promise things will always be easy, we’re humans after all. But I will make a conscious effort to be as best as I can, and not lash out at others for my own internal issues.

Sorry for such a long post but I felt the need to get it out once and for all. If you made it this far then thank you. I’ll be resuming my usual shitposting and fandom content shortly :)

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coppoladelrey · 6 years

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Heartless - Part 7

A/N: Guys feedback is super important to me, I love every single one of them.

FEEDBACK!

Summary: Bucky was deeply in love with Natasha, but she leaves him for another guy, and he doesn’t know that. After a few weeks in his room, he goes buy a coffee, and he meets you, the opposite of Natasha. He decides to date you, to prove Natasha that he moved on, what will happen when you find out?

Bucky Barnes x Reader ; Thor Odinson x Reader

Warnings: Angst, fluff so much fluff, and Thor (he’s a warning too)

Tag List: @float-autumn-leave, @sebsunshinestan, @superflashallen, @learisa, @buffy-morgendorffer-01, @ly–canthrope, @joannie95, @wtfholland, @nikolett3, @buckyisthatyou, @atomicfandombomb, @lostinthoughtsandfeelings, @just-a-littlebit-of-everything, @uservalkyrie, @akamaiden, @lokigreyvatore, @bucksandroses, @phoenix-whiskey-tears, @samantha281203, @sakurashortstack, @jackiehollander, @starkillazz, @marvelsfansworld, @stardustsoldierrook, @melimelbean, @cobra-anon, @analovesseb, @lovemarvel101, @letsthedogpackandthecats, @imreallyweird, @fuckthatfeeling, @deathbyrabbit, @fxckingfat, @escapetheshackles, @ilovethewayyourheartbeats

Heartless Masterlist

Main Masterlist

You were following Thor to the beach, with tears in your eyes and a hole in your heart. You were feeling dirty, disposable, like you and your feelings didn't matter. The only reason why you agreed to go with Thor was because you wouldn’t be fine alone, you needed someone by your side, that sounded selfish, but that was exactly how you were feeling at that moment. With the stormbreaker, Thor summoned the bifrost, he didn't said anything else to you, he understood your feelings, he’s been through that, when Jane cheated on him, he knew that you needed your space.

After a few minutes, you and Thor were in Asgard. Heimdall came closer to Thor and gave him a tight hug.

“We missed you.” Heimdall expressed, patting on Thor’s shoulder.

“How’s everything around here?” Thor was still apprehensive of letting his sister rule Asgard, but she kept her promise, so far.

“Hela is a remarkable ruler, and Loki is helping her with any doubt she might have, I don’t need to intervene.” Thor was pleased with the answer, his brother and sister were getting along and Asgard was better than ever was.

“Heimdall, this is Y/N. She’s my guest here, so make sure that’s taken care of.” Heimdall smiled, he knew from the way Thor was looking at you, that you would be more than a guest.

“It’s an honor to meet you, Y/N.” You smiled and hugged him, Heimdall hugged you back. You were an affectionate person, and you needed that hug, more than you could ever admit.

“I’ll take you to your chambers.” Thor showed you the way to your room.

You were looking at everything in awe, the golden palace, the bifrost, every single detail was blowing your mind, Asgard was astonishing, you had no idea how Thor could leave all of that behind to be on Earth. You were there for less than ten minutes, and you didn't want to go back to your life. In your mind you were wondering if Bucky was looking for you, if he was relieved that you were gone, if he was with Natasha? The thought alone made your skin crawl, how could someone treat you so sweetly, having no heart? The only conclusion was that James Buchanan Barnes was heartless, but you needed to take the hate you felt towards him from your heart, or you would become like him.

Your room was beautiful, it was just like the palace, golden. You just realized that you didn't had any kind of appropriate clothes to wear on Asgard, you packed for a summer vacation, so there was mostly bikinis.

“Thor, I don’t think that I have clothes to use here.” You laughed nervously, but Thor found that absolutely adorable, you were the most gorgeous woman to him.

“I warned Heimdall about our arrival, he warned the seamstress to make a few dresses for you, I’ll take you there tomorrow.” He smiled to you, his smile was comforting, reassuring, it reminded you of the goodness in the world, Thor was an amazing person, you could see that clearly. “You should bathe, there’s a robe that you can use.” He left you alone, you entered the bathroom, everything was fit for a royal, you started to prepare a bath for you.

You took off your clothes and the warm water was soothing your aching muscles, but not your heart, your mind was torturing you, with images of Bucky and Natasha together, laughing at you, your relationship with Bucky was a joke and you were the punch line. But you needed to forget about Bucky, he didn't deserve any tears from you. You got out of the bathtub, and you put a red silky robe, it felt amazing against your skin.

You reminded yourself that you didn't thanked Thor for everything he did for you, so you decided to look for him, to thank him for helping you in the worse moment of your life. You opened the door, and went to find Thor, but you forgot that you were in a palace and you were completely lost. After wandering around for half an hour, you found Thor, he was admiring the stars on a balcony, he seemed at peace.

“Thor?” You cleared your throat to have his attention, his gaze fell on your body, but he quickly looked in your eyes with a frown on his face.

“Y/N, what happened? Are you alright?” He put his hands on your arms, in that moment your breath was caught on your throat, his touch was lighting a fire inside you, but at the same time it was comforting.

‘I’m better now, thanks to you Thor.” You smiled, it was true. You had no idea how you were going to handle this situation without him.

“It’s the least that I could do, you were nothing but kind to me, and you were the only to notice when something was wrong with me, you deserve this and so much more.” His thick accent, and deep voice were soothing to you, Thor caressed your cheeks, and you leaned in into the touch.

You realized that the only thing that was keeping you afloat was Thor, he was your rock in that moment, you wanted to thank him, but you didn't know how.

“Can I hug you?” You blurred out, and Thor nodded with a huge and genuine smile on his face.

You hugged him, and you let out all of your emotions on that hug, you felt safe on Thor’s arms. Thor was beaming inside, he wanted to keep you close to him, ever since he meet you, he could see that you were too good for Bucky. He was happy enough to see you happy in the arms of another man, but that man wasn’t even worth your time, and Thor was more than happy to be there for you, to help you fix your broken heart.

You looked at him, and he looked at you, Thor was looking at your lips, how much he wanted to claim them, to claim you as his, but he couldn’t, he would never take advantage of you in such a fragile state that you were, he would hate himself for doing something that you would regret.

“Thank you, Thor.” You whispered, if he kissed you, you wouldn’t stop him, quite the opposite.

“Good night, Y/N.” He kissed your forehead, and left you.

You went back to your room, thinking about Thor and his touch that was still lingering on your body. You slept peacefully in the silk sheets, it was one of the best nights you ever had. You remembered that Thor was coming to take you to the seamstress, so you put on an outfit that you had, a short and a white shirt. Thor knocked on your door, you opened up and you saw him smiling, his smile gave you butterflies in your stomach.

“Are you ready?” You nodded, and followed him.

When you entered the room, it was filled with amazing fabric everywhere. You heard a noise, and a woman appeared, she had blonde hair and dark brown eyes, she was beautiful, she seemed more mature, you had no idea how old she was, but you knew that Asgardians lived longer.

“Y/N, this is Astrid, the royal seamstress.” Thor introduced you, and she smiled, at the same time she was looking at your body.

“I have one dress ready for you.” You followed her, and the dress was breathtaking.

“It’s beautiful.” You whispered, touching the dress.

“Put it on, and you’ll come back tomorrow to wear the other ones.” She smiled, while you frowned.

“How many of these are you going to make?” You asked, clearly puzzled.

“Prince Thor said that as many as I could, but don’t worry about this, go put on the dress.” She encouraged you, and you changed.

When Thor saw you with that dress, it was like his whole world stopped, you looked absolutely gorgeous, he never met anyone other woman with half of your beauty. The dress was perfect with your skin tone, and Thor was loss of words, the only thing he could do was admire your beauty.

“Let’s go, I want you to meet my family.” Thor took your hand on his, and guided you to the Great Hall, there was Hela, Loki, Skurge and Brunnhilde, they were laughing and drinking.

“Everyone, this is Y/N, she’s from Midgard and she’s staying here for some time.” You smiled at you, reasurely.

Everyone got up from the table and went to greet you, Brunnhilde was the first.

“It’s nice meeting you, Y/N. I’m Brunnhilde.” You smiled, and she hugged, after that she left the Great Hall.

“I’m Loki, the god of mischief, it’s a pleasure.” Loki kissed your hand, making you giggle.

Hela didn't came to you at first, she talked to Thor.

“Brother, now I see why you’re on Midgard so much.” Hela smirked, and Thor shook his head.

“No, she’s not reason why I’m there.” Hela smirked at her brother’s nervousness, she looked at you, Skurge was introducing himself to you.

“I’m Hela.” She simply said, you noticed a choker on her, it was black with a small ruby, it was simple but beautiful.

“I’m Y/N, it’s an honor to meet Thor’s sister.” You took her by surprise when you hugged her, Hela was expecting fear from you, not a hug. Hela could feel that you were genuine, and she instatenely warmed up to you.

“Well, there’s some business I must attend, but I’ll see you later.” Hela smiled, and left you and Thor alone.

You and Thor started to have breakfast together, the conversation and light, there wasn’t a uncomfortable silence between the two of you, it was meant meant to be, you and him.

After a week in Asgard, you knew the palace very well, you became quite close with Hela. She was a great friend to you, and everybody was surprised to see Hela warming up to someone so quickly, you were now talking to Hela in the throne room, who knew that Hela could be quite funny?

“What about you and my brother?” Hela asked, with a smirk plastered on her face, you instantly got shy.

“There’s nothing between me and your brother.” You replied, trying to hide the smile on your face every time you heard Thor’s name.

“Of course not.” Hela replied, and she didn't pushed you in the matter, she knew that you and Thor were very similar, none of you would actually take the first step.

Skurge entered the throne room, you saw that he was wearing the choker that Hela was using when you first met her.

“Hela, we need you to talk about security.” Skurge explained, and left you and Hela alone again.

“Hela, can I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” You were a little scared if Hela was going to be offended by your question.

“Of course.” She smiled, you took a deep breath.

“This choker that Skurge was wearing, I saw you wearing it too. Does it mean something?” Hela laughed, and you were confused.

“You are truly innocent.” She laughed again. “It means that whoever wears this choker is the submissive that day, me and Skurge are very dominant people, that was our way to both of us have the control.” You nodded, taking in her information, it was interesting, to say the least.

“Well, I need to go. But I’ll see you at dinner.” Hela left you, and you went to the library, it was a good place to be alone, reading a good book.

You went there, and started to read a book about Asgard, you wanted to know more about the culture of the place. You didn't saw time pass, when you heard Thor coming in, he was looking for you for hours.

“How are you?” He asked, with a smile on his face.

“I’m great, what time is it?” You got up and put the book on the shelf.

“It’s night, do you want to walk with me?” You nodded and both of you left the library.

It was a comfortable silence between the two of you, Thor was smiling at you.

“Thor, I can’t thank you enough for everything you did for me.” He smiled, Thor loved the fact that you were so grateful.

“You don’t need to thank me.” Thor put a stray of hair behind your ear, his touch sends shivers down your spine, you looked at him, but it was different from the other times.

“Kiss me, Thor.” You whispered, and he didn't needed to be told twice.

Thor kissed you, it was gentle, loving, passionate, he put his heart on the kiss, and you did the same Reluctantly, he stopped the kiss, and he put his forehead against yours.

“I don’t want to take advantage of you, my sweet Y/N.” He whispered, you could see the hurt on his face.

“Thor, I want this, I want you, I’ve never been more sure of something in my entire life.” Thor put your legs around his waist and guided you to his bedroom, he was going to make you feel loved, every inch of your body.

“I’m gonna make love to you.” His tone was more of a question, you nodded your head, and he kissed you again.

“So soft.” He mumbled on your skin, his kisses were lighting a fire within you.

Thor made love to you, it was slow, sweet, and everything you could ever ask for, Thor was perfect, you could see that from the way he treated you, he was different.

Rays of sunshine was peeking through the windows, and you woke up, Thor was cuddling with you, his arm was protectively around your waist, your legs were tangled together, it was everything you could ever ask for, thoughts about the night before invaded your thoughts, how Thor was holding your hand, how his thrusts were slow and filled with care, how much he healed your broken heart.

“Don’t hurt him, please.” You heard Loki’s voice, startling you.

“What you’re doing here?” It was one of Loki’s illusion, you could tell.

“I hurt him many times, but he won’t handle having his heart broken by you.” With that he was gone, you looked at Thor, he was still sleeping.

How could you ever hurt the one person that made you feel whole again?

#marvel imagine #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #bucky barnes angst #bucky ansgt #buckynat #thor odinson #thor odinson imagine #thor odinson x reader #thor x reader #thor odinson fluff #thor fluff #thor x you #thor odinson x you #marvel

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searchingwardrobes · 5 years

Text

Natural Opposite: 14/16

The dance in this chapter was inspired by THIS dance by Magda and Robert on So You Think You Can Dance. I have to thank everyone in the CSBB again for the Discord chat as I struggled to decide on a song for Emma and Killian’s final routine. @distant-rose is the one who suggested “Secret Love,” and if you watch that Youtube video above muted with that song playing, it’s perfect. @wellhellotragic suggested the song “Stole the Show,” which I also ended up using. Thanks to both of you!

Ro’s song suggestions are only one example of what a fantastic beta she was, truly going above and beyond. @optomisticgirl made that banner you’ve seen every week as well as chapter art, including the one for this week that captures Emma and Killian’s samba so well. Please go give her some love!

Summary: Dance is more than Emma Swan’s career; it’s practically saved her life on more than one occasion. But when it comes to reality TV shows, she’s always danced in the shadows of her twin brother David and her sister Elsa. Her first season as a pro on Dancing With the Stars was a disaster, and she enters her second season determined to prove herself. All she needs is a good partner. Hollywood bad boy and ladies’ man Killian Jones isn’t what she had in mind.

Rating: M for mature themes, steamy dance routines, and sexy times (But NOT smut)

Trigger warnings: discussions of online solicitation of a minor, bullying, statutory rape, and emotionally abusive/controlling relationships; stalking; anti-Rumbelle, anti-Neal

Can also be read on Ao3

Tagging: (let me know if you want to be added to my tag list) @snowbellewells @kmomof4 @kday426 @jennjenn615 @whimsicallyenchantedrose @teamhook @thislassishooked @bethacaciakay @snidgetsafan @delirious-latenight-laughs @winterbaby89 @followbatb @onceuponaprincessworld @hollyethecurious @ohmakemeahercules @let-it-raines

Chapter Fourteen: Secret Love

The next day, Emma saw Killian’s gray hoodie and baseball cap again when he picked her up before rehearsals. They had to enter the studio together anyway so the cameras could record their reaction. One of the judges would be their mentor, choreographing their routine and giving them pointers. They wouldn’t find out who it was until they arrived at the studio. Killian pointed out that if they didn’t ride together, one of them would just have to stand around in the lobby or the hallway waiting for the other one. It made practical sense, so she agreed. After all, friends could give each other rides to work. Right?

Inviting Killian to get their early, however, was all Henry. He had been pestering her to have Killian over again for weeks, and she did promise Henry breakfast every morning until New Year’s, and Killian did need to eat a healthy, protein-filled breakfast in order to dance, and . . . At that point, Emma had cut him off, joking that he really ought to be a lawyer when he grew up.

Killian and Henry got along that morning just as well as they had over pizza and video games all those weeks ago. Killian even helped him with an especially tricky math problem from his homework assignment, one that had baffled Emma the night before. When it was time for the bus to come, Henry fist-bumped Killian before dashing for the door, only remembering at the last moment that he forgot to kiss his mother goodbye.

“Why am I even here?” Emma had joked.

“For the pancakes, of course,” Killian had answered her with a wink.

“And here I thought it was the turkey bacon,” she had quipped back.

Their easy banter continued on the car ride to the studio, and Emma felt lighter than she had since that ridiculous kiss. Maybe this “just friends” thing could work after all.

Now they stood in front of the door to their rehearsal studio, Emma’s hand gripping the doorknob. “You ready to see who our mentor is?” she asked Killian.

His gaze lifted to the ceiling as he crossed himself. “Please let it be Tiana, please, please . . .”

Emma laughed, mostly because she shared the sentiment. Then she took a deep breath and pushed the door open. There, standing in the center of the room, with a huge grin on her face, arms already stretched out for a hug, was Tiana. Emma and Killian didn’t have to fake their enthusiasm for the cameras as they accepted her embrace.

“Okay, you two,” Tiana told them, clasping her manicured hands together under her chin, “I have been a huge fan since that first week. I knew you would make it here. Are you ready to get to work?”

Tiana’s open expression and genuine smile made it easy to share in her enthusiasm. Emma couldn’t help feeling a little sorry for Belle and Aurora right now.

“You,” Tiana said, pointing at Killian, “have an advantage over the competition because of your acting ability. You embody the choreography and the story that it’s telling every single time. So the dance I’ve created for the two of you has that story-telling element.”

“What advice do you have, though?” Killian asked, his brow furrowed. “I mean, I definitely want to play up my strengths, but to win, I need to work on my weaknesses too.”

“I agree,” Tiana said, nodding her head with such vigor that a dark curl fell across her forehead, “Belle is probably the most improved of the competition, while you’ve been more consistent. As for Aurora, being a figure skater, she’s always had you beat when it comes to technique. You need to show us that your extensions are better.” She paused and nudged Killian’s hip. “And we’ve got to show that this Brit can shake his booty.”

Emma laughed as Tiana shimmied around him. Killian turned red to the tips of his ears. Tiana high-fived Emma, then turned to the camera.

“I’ve been wanting to do that since week one,” she said, then winked. She turned back to Emma and Killian. “Okay, so let’s get to work. You two have great chemistry, but you’re still holding back. So . . . I’ve choreographed a very steamy rumba.”

Emma gulped as her own face turned red. A rumba? A very steamy rumba?’ Oh shit . . .

*******************************************************

Tiana definitely wasn’t holding anything back with her choreography. The rumba was always sensual, but there was hardly a moment in the dance that Emma and Killian weren’t pressed up against one another. There was a lift where Emma was straddling Killian while facing him and the dismount called for Emma to basically fall across his shoulder. Tiana was constantly asking both of them to bury their fingers in each other’s hair. But the last straw for Emma was the end. The two of them were literally rolling on the ground with one another with Emma at one point straddling Killian. The tangle of their arms and legs was enough to set every nerve ending on fire, but when she had to look down into Killian’s always expressive face as he lay flat on his back beneath her, it all became too much.

“I’m not sure this is appropriate,” she muttered as she scrambled to her feet, “I mean, this is an eight o’clock show. On ABC, not HBO.”

Tiana’s eyes opened wide, and the look she gave Emma as she crossed her arms had Emma squirming. “Excuse me? I thought you were a pro.”

Emma swallowed hard. As nice as Tiana was, Emma couldn’t forget that she was both a judge and a co-producer of the show. Not to mention the clout she had in the dance industry as a choreographer.

“Of course,” she said, pressing her lips together as a blush crept up her face.

Tiana’s expression softened, “Look, Emma, I know what I’m doing. This will be tasteful, I promise.”

Killian, who was still sitting on the floor, was looking nervously between the two women. He cleared his throat awkwardly as he scrambled to his feet. “I don’t want Emma to feel uncomfortable.”

Tiana propped her fist beneath her chin as she narrowed her eyes at the pair of them. “I’ve seen Emma dance plenty of sensual routines. And you, Jones? I’ve seen you do plenty of steamy scenes as an actor. Is there anything I need to know between the two of you? Anything that’s causing . . . tension?”

Emma was intensely aware of the camera crew as she exchanged a glance with Killian. They both spoke at once.

“No, nothing at all.”

“Seriously? No way.”

For half a second, a tiny smile hitched up one corner of Tiana’s lips, but then she schooled her features. “Okay. However, something’s still missing. Let’s keep working.”

Emma pushed aside her discomfort as she took Killian’s hand. They continued working. Tiana was a relentless coach, repeating the word “again” after every run through. She stopped occasionally to correct something with Killian’s technique, but for the most part, she kept shaking her head and saying “again.” Soon, Emma and Killian were soaked with sweat. You would think it would make the intimate lifts and the rolling on the floor disgusting. Instead, the sweatier they both got, the more uncomfortable Emma became. She felt emotionally raw; exposed.

“Stop,” Tiana commanded. Emma and Killian both doubled over, breathless. Tiana just shook her head as she looked at them. “I don’t know what it is, but I just don’t believe this routine. You’re not connecting with one another. Are you even listening to the lyrics?”

The song was “Secret Love” by Little Mix, and it said things like, “Why can’t I kiss you on the dance floor?” and “every second, every thought, I’m in so deep, but I’ll never show it on my face.” Of course she was listening to the lyrics; that was part of the problem! Without a word, Emma turned and walked out of the studio, slamming the door behind her. She ignored Tiana’s indignant protests. She was being unprofessional, but right now she couldn’t care less. She fled down the hallway and burst into an empty studio. She took deep breaths as spots danced before her eyes. She lifted trembling hands to run them through her sweat-drenched hair. When Killian’s hands rested gently on her shoulders, she jumped at his touch.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, “I was just worried about you.”

Emma pressed a hand to her chest as she turned to face him. “I just don’t know what she wants from you. We’re killing ourselves in there, and it’s still not enough.”

Killian rubbed her upper arms gently before pulling her close. “I apologize for how awful I smell,” he murmured against her hair.

She managed a small laugh. “Ugh, I reek too,” she mumbled against his chest.

They stayed that way in silence for a long moment, and when Killian finally spoke again, his voice sounded tentative. “You never let me hold you like this on the dance floor. Have you ever considered . . . that the one not connecting when we dance . . . is you?”

His words were like a punch to the gut. Emma reeled back, shoving him lightly with her palms “What do you mean? I’m the pro! And . . . and . . . I’ve never,” she let out a shaky breath before confessing, “I’ve never connected with anyone when I dance the way I do with you.”

Killian’s eyes were tender as he traced her jaw with his fingertips. “And maybe that’s the problem. What are you holding back? What are you afraid to feel, Emma?”

A tumult of emotions assaulted her as she shoved his hand away. The easiest one to identify was anger. “Don’t pretend you understand me, Jones.”

As she stalked out, Killian whispered a reply. “Perhaps I’d like to.”

**********************************************************

Emma didn’t sleep well at all the night after their first disastrous rehearsal with Tiana, and Henry had actually been the one to wake her up with a bowl of cereal and some fruit (and she tried to not feel guilty – and failed – when he dashed out the door with a couple of pop tarts in his hand). What had she done to deserve such a great kid?

Now she was dashing in late for rehearsals, and her sleepless night had given her no solutions whatsoever. She was still overwhelmed by the emotions Tiana’s choreography evoked, and she had no idea what to do about it. The only thing she did know, and hated to admit, was that Killian was right. The problem was with her.

Emma was so lost in thought as she ran through the door, that she didn’t see Belle at all. The brunette also had her head down, texting on her phone, so the pair of them went stumbling backwards, and Belle went crashing on her rear, her phone flying out of her hand.

“Oh God,” Emma gasped, reaching out a hand to help her up, “I’m so sorry! Are you hurt?”

“Just my pride,” Belle laughed, “that’s what I get for texting while walking.”

As Belle dusted off her designer skirt, Emma picked up her cell phone. She didn’t mean to invade Belle’s privacy, but she noticed Robert Gold’s name.

“Too bad I’m not in my grubby rehearsal clothes,” Belle continued, frowning at a smudge of dirt on the hem of her skirt. “I was just here to pick up Teach’s music. He wants us to rehearse on the beach, can you believe it? That man is so bizarre. He still uses CDs, too . . . “ she trailed off when she noticed Emma’s expression. Her eyes toggled from Emma’s face to the cell phone clutched in her hand.

“Is Gold bothering you again?” Emma asked her.

Belle blushed as she shoved the phone into her cross-body purse. “I just think we should try to see the best in people, you know? I think there’s a good man in Mr. Gold, deep down.”

Emma frowned at the woman as she crossed her arms. “You’re not developing feelings for him, are you?”

Belle shook her head adamantly. “Oh no, of course not!” a softer expression filled her face as she sighed and said, “I mean, Liam had to go home, but we’re still in touch. We want to keep pursuing what we started.”

Emma’s brow furrowed in concern. “So what’s with Gold and the texting?”

Belle shuffled nervously back and forth, “Like I said, I see a good man in him. And I just thought that if I were kind to him, maybe he wouldn’t have to make threats or . . . I don’t know . . . “

“Let me see the messages,” Emma said, putting out her palm in the way she would with Henry.

Belle’s eyes sparked for a moment in protest, but then she sighed and turned over the phone. “I guess you have a right to know. Since he was banned from the lot.”

Emma shook her head and gave Belle a soft smile. “It isn’t that, really. It’s just . . . I know how these creeps work. You give them a little attention, and they think they own you.”

Belle quirked a brow. “How do you know that?”

Emma ignored her question and began scrolling through the messages.

I saw you talking on the phone as you left rehearsal the other day. Was it that hot head who attacked me? What was his name again?

His name is Liam, and yes we’re still seeing each other.

Long distance? Is it serious?

I don’t know. He makes me smile.

I could make you smile. And I’m right here.

I told you, I only see you as a friend.

But I need you Belle.

Belle?

Don’t ignore me!

Emma stopped reading, her frown deepening. “This sounds creepy, Belle. He’s been watching you!”

“Not necessarily,” Belle argued, “I mean, he may have just been driving by. He lives here, after all, and his offices are in downtown LA.”

Emma stepped closer and laid a hand on Belle’s shoulder. “The restraining order says he’s not supposed to be within two blocks of here, but that’s not the point. These texts sound a lot like some I used to get when . . . well, a long time ago from a guy. Please, Belle, cut this man off. Don’t try to be nice.”

Belle closed out the texts on her phone and gave Emma a tight nod. “Okay. I’ll think about what you said.”

Emma gave her arm a squeeze before she turned to exit the building. Emma hugged her arms to her chest, feeling as if a chill had blown past. The texts brought up memories that she really didn’t need right now. She felt defeated already as she made her way up the stairs.

Emma was afraid that she would get a mouthful from Tiana when she came in late, but the judge was laughing with Killian, tossing her thick dark curls over one shoulder. The pair of them turned, eyes lit up with pleasure to see her.

“Emma!” Tiana greeted, giving her a small hug. When she pulled back, her eyes were narrowed with concern as she scrutinized her face. “I was really worried I had pushed too hard yesterday. Is everything okay?”

“Aye Swan,” Killian added as he came close, putting an arm around her shoulder, “you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Emma couldn’t hold back the shudder that passed through her even as she shook her head. “I’m fine, really, just didn’t sleep well last night, that’s all.”

Emma could tell Killian wasn’t buying it by the slight arch of his brow, but then his trademark smile filled his face. “Well, love, I’ve been talking to Tiana, and I think our problem is that we don’t know the characters we’re playing.”

“Characters?” Emma asked as she stepped away from the pair to deposit her dance bag against the wall.

“Yes,” Tiana said, “Killian was explaining how both of you usually create a character to slip into. He thinks that’s why the Neverland dance didn’t have the right connection because you felt it was Rose’s character, not yours.”

“And I remembered that Tiana said she had created a story with our rumba,” Killian continued.

Tiana laughed, “And I didn’t even realize that I never told you what the story was.”

“Okay,” Emma said, liking where this was going. She caught Killian’s eye, and he gave her a nod and a wink. He was trying to make this easier for her, and though she wanted to be irritated over it, she was honestly relieved. “So what’s the story?”

Tiana rubbed her hands together, eager. “You’re a dancer, Emma, and Killian is a pop star. Or, the other way around, it doesn’t really matter. The point is, you have to keep your relationship professional, yet there’s all this sexual tension, and you just wish you could admit what’s there.”

Emma rubbed at her throat, catching Killian’s eye again, this time he tilted his head ever so slightly. The man was as just too damn expressive. It was scary how well they could communicate with looks, and this silent communication said that the storyline was a little too close to the truth for comfort. But . . . Tiana didn’t have to know that.

“I like it,” was all Emma said.

“Great!” Tiana cheered. “Let’s get started!”

Killian stood behind Emma, one hand at her waist for the beginning of the dance. He leaned forward to whisper in her ear. “I can tell something’s bothering you.”

She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. She was so tired of always keeping it together. “You’re right,” she admitted, “but can we just focus on the dance for now?”

She tilted her face up to meet his just as the first notes of music began to play. He squeezed her waist and gave her a soft smile.

“You told me dance is your therapy, remember?”

Then he spun her out, and she let the music sweep her away.

*******************************************************

Monday came faster than Emma could have imagined. Instead of a routine by the pros, the show opened with a group routine of the top three couples to Parson James’ “Stole the Show.” Actually, it was more like a series of three short solos. As each couple danced a brief contemporary routine, the jumbotron behind them flashed a montage of clips from throughout the season. Emma was surprised how emotional it made her, especially in light of the lyrics: “Our debut was a masterpiece, but in the end for you and me, oh the show, it can’t go on.” It was beginning to sink in how soon she would have to tell Killian goodbye. London. It was so far away. She thought she would be prepared for this moment, but . . . London?

As soon as the lights came up and the studio audience began to cheer, the three pro dancers and their celebrities dashed backstage to get into their costumes. Ashley and Marco’s introduction followed by the commercial break would buy them a little time, but not much. Especially for Jefferson and Belle who would dance first. Emma broke away from Killian as she made a beeline for the women’s dressing room, but he stopped her with a gentle hand to her shoulder.

“Are you okay, Swan?” he asked, his brow furrowing with concern.

“Sure,” she said, shrugging off his touch, “it’s just . . . the show must go on. Right?”

“Right . . . “

She refused to meet his gaze as she hurried along with the other female performers. The costume department was a flurry of activity as usual, and in the hustle and bustle, Emma pushed Killian’s forlorn expression from her face. She winced as she reached for her “costume”: a light blue men’s button-down shirt which only fell to the top of her thigh. Underneath she would wear a pair of black lycra dance shorts that were just long enough to let the eight o’clock viewers know she was, in fact, clothed. A part of her wanted to throw a fit when she saw it at dress rehearsals that morning, but she had bit her tongue. Tiana had already questioned her professionalism. She wasn’t about to push things further. After putting on her costume, Emma rushed to hair and makeup. They kept her hair down and artfully tousled, and her makeup was of a rosy hue. The entire look screamed, “I just had sex.” Emma blew out a long breath, and her locks, stiff with hairspray, rose and fell from across her eyes. She tossed her head back and glared at her reflection.

You can do this Emma! She lectured herself. Just play a character. Connect with his. It’s nothing.

Of course, that was a little hard to remember when she joined Killian in the hallway to find him wearing a pair of jeans. And nothing else.

Emma narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. “I thought they had you in a white t-shirt?”

Killian shrugged, quirking one brow in that playful way of his. “I think they’ve got you wearing my shirt, love.”

Emma couldn’t help but chuckle, even as she rolled her eyes. The lights flashed and a voice called out that they were back from commercial in three. Emma grabbed Killian by the arm. “Come on, they want us all up in the balcony to watch each other’s routines.”

The package for Jefferson and Belle’s routine confirmed what Belle had told her: Edward Teach was one eccentric choreographer. Not only did he have them rehearse on the beach, but he had them doing lifts in the surf.

“I think he’s watched Dirty Dancing one too many times,” Killian quipped in Emma’s ear. She giggled.

Nonetheless, Jefferson and Belle did a beautiful samba to – no surprise – “The Time of Our Lives.” Emma was impressed that Teach managed to make the choreography fresh and unique, not copying anything from the movie. The lifts were impressive, though nothing like that famous one between Baby and Johnny. In the end, they got two nines and a ten (from Teach, of course).

Emma wasn’t surprised that Aurora Briar took Blue’s rigid teaching style in stride. She was probably used to that type of coaching as an Olympic figure skater. She was, however, surprised at Blue’s choice of music and the style. Aurora and Sean danced a tango to “Roxanne,” the version from the movie Moulin Rouge.

“Did we miss the memo about it being movie theme night?” Killian whispered nervously.

Emma shrugged. “Maybe she was thinking about those Canadian ice dancers that skated to that song. I don’t know.” She patted Killian’s arm. “Our routine is more original. Tiana did a great job.”

He laced his fingers with hers. “You’re right, Swan. It’s just that we’re so close to winning . . .”

She let out a long, shaky breath. “I know.” Then she squeezed his hand before releasing it so they could clap as Aurora and Sean faced the judges. They got two nines and an eight, their own mentor giving them the toughest critiques.

“How long has that stick been up Blue’s arse?” Killian muttered.

Emma smiled and playfully nudged his shoulder. “Come on, it’s better for us, right?”

He scowled and crossed his arms. Emma tried not to admire how his biceps bulged. “I still think it was a low blow. She was their mentor!”

But Aurora’s low scores weren’t the most shocking part of the figure skater’s night. During her interview with Ashley, her pairs figure skating partner, Phillip, came up to congratulate her. After embracing her, the young man got down on one knee, pulling a tiny black velvet box from his coat pocket. Everyone went crazy when he proposed to Aurora on national television. Sobbing, she managed to choke out a, “yes.” The two embraced amidst loud cheers as Ashley segued to a commercial.

All Emma had time to do was give Aurora a brief side hug before she and Killian were ushered quickly down to the dance floor to hit their marks. As she rushed down the stairs, her hand in Killian’s, Emma glanced back at Aurora who only had eyes for Phillip as he pulled her to him again for a long, deep kiss. The sight made a deep longing slowly unfurl in Emma’s chest.

Their bare feet made no sound as they crossed the dance floor. A murmur of anticipation rippled through the audience, and a few whistles rang out. It caused a blush to tint the tips of Killian’s ears as she met his gaze. His eyes were bright under the stage lights, and Emma reached out to grasp his other hand. She wanted to say something, here in this moment that was so close to the end of their journey together, but words failed her. The corners of his eyes crinkled in a smile as he lifted both of her hands to his lips.

“I know, Swan,” he whispered, his breath sending tingles along her knuckles and down her arm. As the lights dimmed around them, she found she could scarcely breathe at the look in his eyes. Their rehearsal footage played, and for the first time that season, they turned to watch it together. Killian put his arm around her, and she let herself lean back against him. She was relieved to see that any emotional meltdowns involving her had been edited out. Instead, her frustrations came across as a deep desire to make the routine perfect for Killian’s sake; so they could win, which was completely true. In every way it was true; she wanted to win now not to prove herself but because Killian deserved it. She wanted to give this to him.

The video came to a close, and Emma stood erect, hitting her opening pose. Killian did the same, pulling her flush against him, lowering his face to hover over her neck, both hands grasping her waist. The opening of the song had been shortened by the live band, and their first movements didn’t begin until the female vocalist belted out the first lines of the song. They both swayed in unison as she sang, When you hold me in the street. Killian spun her out – And you kiss me on the dance floor – then yanked her back to him again – Why can’t it be like that?

Emma had always felt a new kind of freedom dancing with Killian, had always felt that she could lose herself in his arms. But she realized suddenly that Tiana was right, all this time she had been holding back. Because in that moment, there was nothing but the two of them. Emma completely forgot about the judges, the competition, the audience, the cameras. The meaning of the song washed over her, the perfection of each lyric for their relationship cracking her heart wide.

Cause I’m yours kept behind closed doors. Every time I see you, I die a little more. Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls. Emma contracted her body forward like a rag doll, and Killian’s arm circled her waist as he lifted her and carried her across the floor, her arms stretching out for something she couldn’t have. Then he flipped her and caught her bridal-style. Her fingers threaded through his hair, and it had nothing to do with Tiana’s choreography.

The male vocalist sang as Killian lifted her high into the air. Would you leave if I was ready to settle down? Or would you play it safe and stay? The look on his face as she collapsed into his arms from the lift, their foreheads pressed together, was so intense, she knew he wasn’t acting. Neither was she.

When they came to the part where they rolled together on the floor, Emma didn’t have a single thought of embarrassment. At this point, she’d forgotten everything but Killian. Why can’t I kiss you on the dance floor? The lines of the final chorus wrapped around them as Emma straddled Killian, her hands cradling his head. She leaned forward as he rose up towards her, which wasn’t in the choreography. They were supposed to end the dance lying on their backs, hands clasped, then rolling away from each other. Tiana had explained that the end was supposed to show the tragedy of a love that could never be. Instead, Killian’s eyes locked with Emma’s, and she couldn’t have pulled away from him if she’d tried. She pressed her lips to his, her eyes falling closed. He kissed her back as the music faded away.

It was the sound of deafening applause that snapped them both out of it. Killian’s expression was wrecked as he pressed his forehead to hers, tenderly thumbing her cheek. Emma wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face there for a moment to collect herself. He rose to a standing position smoothly, carrying her with him.

“We did it, Emma,” he whispered in her ear, his voice slightly choked, “we did it.”

She nodded, still unable to speak, and a tear slipped down her cheek as she pulled away from him. He brushed it away with his thumb and gave her a small smile. She smiled tremulously back at him. They turned towards the judges, and Emma gasped when she saw all three judges on their feet giving them a standing ovation. Killian grabbed her in a side hug, lifting her off her feet as they found that the entire studio audience was also on their feet. Tiana had tears streaming down her face which she didn’t bother to wipe away. The cheers in the studio only seemed to increase, and Marco stepped towards them. He told them that they were running short on time, though his words were practically swallowed up by the roaring crowd. He directed them towards the stairs, and they made their way to the balcony. When they reached the top of the steps, they were surrounded by their competitors who hugged them and congratulated them with enthusiasm. It took a few more minutes even as they reached Ashley’s side for the pandemonium to die down.

“Well,” Ashley said, “we have never in the history of the show had a dance bring the house down like that one. Let’s get your scores.”

Emma and Killian embraced one another as they listened to the scores. Tiana gave them a ten, and they both laughed with joy. Teach also gave them a ten, and Emma squealed while Killian kissed her cheek. Blue gave them a ten, and pandemonium broke out in the studio once again. Killian shouted, then lifted Emma off her feet and spun her around.

“A perfect score!” Ashley announced into the microphone. Then she turned to them with a slightly mischievous smile. “And I’ve got to ask you. This season has been filled with romance, Emma. First with your sister and her partner Graham, then tonight with a proposal. So everyone wants to know: that kiss just now? Was that real?”

Emma’s mouth fell open as her face burned. Killian, bless him, saved the day.

“Well, the song did say kiss you on the dance floor,” he joked with his usual charm.

Laughter rippled throughout the studio, but Ashley wasn’t deterred. “Come on now, Emma. First your twin brother finds true love last season with his partner, now your sister Elsa has found it. We’ve all noticed the chemistry you have with Killian. Is there anything between you two? Has there been a date? Other kisses? Come on, everyone’s dying to know.”

This was the reason no one took the “no romantic entanglements” clause in the contracts seriously. The producers officially claimed to be against hookups on the show, yet they always played up rumors whenever it helped the ratings. Emma swallowed back her frustration as Ashley shoved the microphone in her face. Once again, Killian stepped in, leaning over her shoulder to answer the question instead. Emma figured he was used to fielding invasions of privacy like this anyway.

“Emma is a very dear friend, so of course I care deeply for her. But no, there have been no dates.”

Emma was impressed. He had smoothly answered the question vaguely without lying. She blushed when he winked at her as Ashley announced the next commercial break. As everyone’s attention shifted away from them, Killian pulled her to a far corner of the balcony. The adrenaline of their performance had finally worn off, and she found herself trembling, worrying what he was about to say. His eyes roamed her face, soft and vulnerable.

“You know I wasn’t acting out there, right?” he asked her softly.

Emma bit her lip and nodded. “I know,” she breathed out. She hesitated for a moment before adding, “Neither was I, but –“

“It’s okay,” he cut her off, thumbing the dimple in her chin. “I meant what I said before. I’ll only take what you’re ready to give.”

Emma blinked as she felt tears gather behind her eyes. Her gaze darted over his shoulder. She couldn’t lose it right now, not when they were about to film the close of the show. She took a deep, shuddering breath. Then Killian’s hands were cupping her face, gently turning her gaze to his again.

“I’ll always be your friend, Emma, no matter what.”

His words made all the tension drain from her body. His hands fell away, and Emma felt her tears dissipate. He smiled, and she returned it.

“I’ll hold you to that, Jones,” she said.

Killian may have felt no need to pressure her for more than friendship, but that didn’t mean their fans shared the sentiment. Their dance went viral within hours of the live broadcast, and social media exploded with reactions to their steamy routine.

“Did you see that kiss?! I’m dead!” @trueloveandpixiedust

“You haven’t been on a date with her, Killian? Okay . . . .” @thecaptainsfairy

“They were awfully good at kissing. I don’t think that was their first one.” @neverlandforever

“Did you notice how he answered those questions? They’re a couple, and you can’t convince me otherwise.” @hooker4life

Emma wouldn’t lie, she was a little embarrassed. Killian, of course, helped diffuse everything with his typical jokes when he called later that night to check on her.

“Look on the bright side, Swan, it probably means we got lots of votes. You should have kissed me sooner on national television.”

Since she couldn’t punch him over the phone, she just rolled her eyes.

#csbb #csbb fic #cs ff #modern au #dancing with the stars au #enemies to friends to lovers

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chromsai · 5 years

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GX Review

I’ve finished my long, grueling trek through GX and so now it’s time for a quick review. I don’t want to make this too long because I don’t wanna continue rambling on the same points I made throughout my liveblog, so let’s get this goin’ already...

Season 1 (Episodes 1 - 52)

This beginning fourth of the show introduces us rather gently to GX’s trend of “filler” episodes, or, rather, episodes that introduce us to villains-of-the-week that serve as fodder for our protagonist (and sometimes for GX’s side cast characters). Yes, GX is that kind of show. While I’d say it’s worthy to note that not every episode or characters is exactly boring, what is boring is GX’s complete refusal to build up its own world beyond just the span of the perspective of a few characters. It’s such a shame, really, because the concept of a world which takes dueling to a whole new, professional and academic level is quite interesting but it’s not explored much this season. That being said, certain characters are fun and have interesting enough beginning development brewing up slowly, however the group of main villains introduced in the second half are almost all incompetent and lacking in any appeal to the main cast, and even less so to the audience. They’re overall forgettable, as are most of the episodes this season. It certainly doesn’t help the side cast’s appeal that the majority of the duels are dependent on Judai, the protagonist’s, victory, leading us to quickly (and appropriately) assume that even they are easily expendable. Still, there are fun moments here and there, especially when the show doesn’t take itself too seriously, which is something that GX later tries to “fix”.

Production value-wise, it’s passable in terms of animation and sound design (which admittedly gets repetitive), but not anything to write home about.

Overall rating for this arc: 2.7/5

Season 2 (Episodes 53 - 104)

Season 2 introduces a bit more of a proper overarching conflict throughout the next 50 or so episodes. We’re introduced to a cynical villain and a new rival for Judai that leads him to develop... or so we would figure. While it does indeed seem so at first that Judai is about to undergo a bit of growth, mainly Judai’s defeat to this new “rival”, Edo Phoenix, leads him to the discovery of a new archetype that he tacks onto his deck as easily as that. While this season has a bit less of the villain-of-the-week -esque episodes, it still drags along its cast to near helpless states, which Judai is expected to eventually save them from. The overall plot focuses on the main villain Saiou and his relationship with Edo, however the spotlight is stubbornly set on Judai and of course all other characters are as expendable as Judai is the protagonist, and oh boy is he ever the protagonist.

We get a bit more world building but nothing is ever expanded upon too thoroughly as all the world building we get is mostly through side-character agency, which, as you may have already noted, doesn’t ever last too long. Production value-wise, it’s about the same as Season 1. For me, the most enjoyable moments included expansion on Edo’s backstory and Hell Kaiser Ryo’s fall into the corrupted underground duels scene, but again... those moments aren’t too often. I’ll give this season a bit more points for at least keeping a consistent plot line running, even if it was marred with nonsense and irrational interactions between some of the more, in my opinion, potentially interesting characters of GX’s cast.

Overall rating for this arc: 2.9/5

Season 3 (Episodes 105 - 156)

Ho boy.

Not sure how many people read my review of DM, but this arc suffers from a lot of the similar issues found in the Doma arc of that show.

I want to emphasize that up until now, the show’s central themes (about... having fun with dueling... and.... believing in your cards (?), as well as... growing up (???), destiny(?!??!???)) have not only been vague and jumbled, they’ve also been laughably weak, so when GX decided to use this season to finally “get serious” about addressing it’s “maturer” tones, you can probably guess how that played out. Hint: it plays out as well as any fanfic tagged under the “#angst #war au #self-insert” tags you’d find on the 13th page of AO3 at 3am after your 8th shot of vodka because you’ve lost control of your life, just as this show has lost control of all sense of its identity.

It’s illogical, melodramatic, dreary, predictable, and just a drag to get through. When Judai’s “friends” aren’t sucking on his poor, abused teet, then you can bet the show is doing its damnedest to appeal for you to take your turn too. It envelops him in this over-glorifying aura that just screams “look at me, I can do the development too” but then falls flat, settling on an anticlimactic plot twist that makes you question why you didn’t just skip to the last episode.

It has a few quirks here and there, I’ll give it that. A few sassy lines from a character here or there makes it a clever show, right?

Overall rating for this arc: 1.5/5

P.S. Yes, this is the season every ardent GX fan wants you to see. This is the one that makes it “worth it”. Right.

Season 4 (Episodes 157 - 180)

Just when you thought the worst is past you, your beloved GX characters have made it back to their regular daily lives, more or less, but then, suddenly, you’re enshrouded by endless DAAARRRKNESSS.

DAAAAAARRRKKKNEEESSSSS.

DAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRKKNEEESSSSSS.

*Ahem*

Judai returns as well, having developed into a much less sociable young man. He’s oh so very pleasant to be around now that he actively ignores his friends, but, of course, this is due to the traumatic experiences he went through in Season 3. He’s now a grown up. A fully fledged adult. And mature. And the show will make sure you know this. If you don’t like it, that’s your problem.

Judai withstanding, which is now extremely difficult to do for this show apparently, I can promise you that none of your favorite characters will receive proper treatment throughout this arc and only a very limited number of them will receive a proper send off. And the plot for this arc? Well. It’s pretty DARK. As in there is not a single shining fleck of light emanating from this rushed story line of a final arc.

Overall rating for this arc: 0.6/5 (I stand by my belief that 4Kids’ decision to end their dub of this show at the end of Season 3 was the correct narrative choice to make for this show).

Final Overall Rating for this show: 1.9/5.

Final thoughts: My final calculated score may seem rough but I agree with it. GX is not well written and, to be fair, that may have been due to the fact that, as the first spin-off of this anime franchise, the show’s producers seemed to have had an air of skepticism when approaching it. While I enjoyed watching it as a kid, a fresher perspective on GX didn’t bode me as well as I initially believed it would. I did enjoy some of the cast of characters, but I found their written development overall disappointing. And Judai for me could have been a likable protagonist but he ends up coming off as pretty insufferable and egotistical by the end of the show. Despite this, I think the rating I gave it reflects that there is something salvageable from it: character concepts and alternative theories of its under-developed and underutilized ideas. Nevertheless, it almost hurts me to say this because I do still see it as having been a part of my childhood, but I see now that it is no longer a show for me and I think it’s best I’ll keep it in my past.

Bonus note: Having revisited some clips of the dub, I believe it to be the more enjoyable of the two versions due to the fact that it doesn’t tend to take itself as overly serious so its themes don’t come off as disingenuous as the original version definitely does.

#sai watches gx #ygo hell challenge #i don’t wanna say much more...#yes i know the seasons have names but i don't care

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hypermoyashi · 5 years

Text

Okay, so, hi everyone? I’ve gotten some new followers, which is a bit surprising, and I’m sure some of you are aware of the discourse currently happening the mdzs fandom. Normally, as my about page states, I will not participate in fandom discourse under any circumstances, but as I was personally signaled out in this, I’ll be making an exception just this once. I’ll be placing everything under a cut just so those of you who don’t want this discourse showing up on your dash can avoid it.

Okay, so if you’re unaware, a blocklist was recently created of people in the fandom that minors should avoid/be aware of. I, as well as one of my good fandom friends, was on this list. I will not be posting links to said list in any way, shape, or form, as I believe it is poorly worded and just wholely not handled well in its original context.

I’d like to preface this entire post with one important idea: you curate your own fandom experience. I actually encourage blocking/blacklisting things and people who make you uncomfortable, just be respectful about it. You don’t need to announce it, or let someone know you’re blocking them. If I in any way make you uncomfortable for any reason, and you are uncomfortable talking to me about it to try and fix the problem, then please unfollow me, block me, or whatever will make you the most happy and comfortable. In the end, fandom is about fun, and it shouldn’t be taken too seriously. It shouldn’t be used to hurt people.

I can’t say I’m not upset that I and my friend were included, and while I don’t know most of the people on that list enough to make a judgment, based on the reasons my friend and I were listed, I don’t believe the judgment of the original creator of the list was wholly sound. For full transparency, I am going to include why I, personally, was signaled out.

The first reason is for my submission here: https://mxtxpositivity.tumblr.com/post/183334608470/fic-rec-realize-what-you-never-knew-by

The fic I recommended is a fic that the friend I previously mentioned wrote, and I recommended it because I enjoy it and I enjoy supporting my friend’s writing. Now, the fic in question is about the junior trio, but it is written in a context where they are older and not minors. To be fair, my friend did not tag for this, and the lack of a tag for it was not something that I, as her beta, caught, either. I don’t particularly intend to debate whether or not it’s okay to write sexual content about young characters after they’ve been aged up, as it’s a rather gray area and whether it will bother you will vary. If it does bother you, however, that’s perfectly valid and I encourage you to avoid it. Blacklisting is a wonderful thing, and ao3 now includes a function to exclude ships.

The second reason I was signaled out in this post is for this: http://hypermoyashi.tumblr.com/tagged/yaoi

And just so it’s clear that I have not altered or cleared this in any way, here’s a screenshot with the time and date in the corner:

I would scroll down to show you guys more of the tag, but there is none. My yaoi tag is just two posts. This is the basis for which I was said to “support yaoi.” I’d like to point out that one post is literally a criticism of the genre as a whole. I have no idea why I tagged the second post as yaoi, but it was reblogged three years ago. It is not something I would reblog and tag that way today. I’ve used the same blog, the same username, for well over seven years now. There is bound to be some stuff here that doesn’t reflect who I am today, and there is also bound to be things that I’ve mistagged or not tagged appropriately in the past. I do not have the energy to clean absolutely everything out, but if you would like to point something out to me, I will be happy to change it. For my purposes, I’m not going to be altering my yaoi tag, in case anyone wants to check it for themselves.

Now, just as an off-topic, I’d like to point out that I’m bi/gray ace. I don’t hate yaoi per say, but I do dislike the picture its common tropes paint of the lgbtqa+ community, as anyone who has spoken with me for five minutes about it can tell you.

This is all I was flagged for, but in the name of transparency, I am also going to include something that, had our original poster of the list seen, would’ve been additional reasons for me to land on the list.

I am writing an A.B.O. fic for HOB. It will also contain an explicit scene in the future, and it contains some pretty heavy triggers such as attempted suicide and CSA/abuse. I know A.B.O. tends to be controversial for many, many reasons, but for the record, all characters retain their full facilities during any and all explicit scenes, on or off screen, and are able to consent or not consent to what is going on. Anything of that nature that happens to a minor does not happen on screen and is appropriately tagged as CSA. I also do not endorse or want minors reading this fic, but I’ll get into that later.

Now, does any of this disprove that I’m a potential danger to minors? No, it does not.

For one, disproving a negative is an impossibility. To demonstrate this, I’ll be using the same analogy my statistics teacher used. You have a field. You’re looking for cows. To find some cows, you divide the field up into twenty sections. Unfortunately, you only have the capability to check five of the sections. You check these five sections, and you don’t find any cows. Can you say, for sure, that there are no cows in the field? Nope. Because it’s impossible to check every section, and there could be cows in the sections you don’t check.

I cannot open up the entirety of my memory and history to prove that I have definitely never hurt a minor. It is absolutely never my intention, and if I have, I deeply apologize for it. But I have no way of disproving a negative because it is mathematically impossible.

Now that we’ve gotten up to this point, some of you might be thinking, isn’t treating such a baseless accusation so seriously, in a way, giving it validity? Well, in a way, sort of. The accusation is entirely baseless, yes, and this is going to be the only time I’m going to argue something like this in this way. It upset me, and it’s there, so I want to address it.

Now, I’m going to reference my about page. Here it is:

The text reads, “Hello! I thought, after about five years of owning this blog, give or take, it was probably time to make an about page.

“I mainly write fanfiction, which is almost always posted to ao3 and linked here unless it’s particularly short. Minors are definitely welcome; I don’t reblog or post N**SFW images or videos, nor do I write smut, though please be aware that this blog is “view at your own risk.” I tag for common triggers and potentially harmful content, so it’s up to you to know your limits and blacklist appropriately. That being said, if you need me to tag anything in addition to what I already do, please don’t hesitate to ask!

“My fandoms right now are mainly Bungou Stray Dogs, Heaven Official’s Blessing, Mo Dao Zu Shi, Hakata Tonkotsu Ramens, Pandora Hearts, Vanitas no Carte, Akatsuki no Yona, and D.Gray-man. Please be aware that although I do have particular ships I like, I’m not really that into shipping as a whole.

“I don’t reblog shipping discourse nor will I interact with hostile shippers. If you would like to talk about shipping with me, please do, just be nice! As a bonus, I love platonic relationships, so please talk with me about those if you enjoy them, too.

“ところで、私の日本語はちょっとわるいですけど、話すのが好きです。

“Finally, I consider this blog to be a safe place for me and others that does not discriminate based on race, gender identity, sexual orientation, mental health, physical ability, national origin, or religion. If that bothers you, please click the “back” or “x” button on your browser.

“With all that out of the way, welcome to my blog! I love talking with people, so feel free to message me or leave an ask. I swear you won’t be bothering me. Happy blogging!”

Now, I am going to edit this at some point, because I have written smut now. It’s not posted, but it’s still something I intend to post. But yeah, as of 3/13 around 5pm, that was my about page, and I have not changed it for quite a while. (Sorry I’m not quite as chipper today ^^”)

One of the links on my about page leads to this page:

Which reads:

A quick guide to my tagging system!

my fanfiction: stuff I’ve written

text post: stuff I’ve made/said

q: things posted from my queue (it is a very long queue)

art by op: If there’s no source, then I’m reasonably certain that this art was created by the original poster. If I’m wrong, please let me know and I’ll delete it imeidiately.

icons: whenever I save an icon, whether I use it or not, I reblog it under this tag

personal and/or ramblings: just me talking. Sometimes I won’t even tag these kinds of posts

— mention: normally reserved for common triggers, i.e. “Donald Trump mention” or “sex mention”

n**sfw warning: as stated in my about page, I don’t reblog n**sfw images or videos, but I do reblog n**sfw fic recs (ie links to explicit content) that is unsuitable for minors. If you’re a minor viewing my blog, please blacklist this tag if you feel the need to!

spoilers: anything and everything I think constitutes a spoiler. Sometimes I’m bad about tagging these, though. I don’t tag for specific fandoms, like “su spoilers” or “bsd spoilers,” so please beware of that.

And, for reference, this is the basis for which I generally rate my fics:

G (General Audiences): Anyone can read this

T (Teen Audiences): Anyone 13+ can read this

M (Mature Audiences): Anyone 17/18+ can read this (16 is fine, too, I think, depending on what the reader is comfortable with. My M rated fics often include dark/sexual themes, though, so 17/18 is the more comfortable range)

E (Explicit): Only people who are 18+ should read this (probably not gonna rate anything this since I don’t write smut unless I just really don’t want to endorse any minors reading it)

Again, this should probably be updated as I have written smut, however infrequent. I try to tag for common triggers, and I have asked here that minors under a certain age not read particular fics. All of my fics that depict unhealthy relationships, darker or sexual themes, or anything that I would be uncomfortable with a minor reading are rated Mature or Explicit, depending.

So all in all, I have tried my best to provide a positive experience to anyone who enjoys my content, and I try to tag so that potentially harmful content doesn’t reach those that it might hurt. I’m not perfect, and I can’t control everything. A minor can still go in and read my Explicit/Mature fics on ao3, no matter how much or how loudly I ask them not to. My content is meant to inspire, to show that life can suck, but in the end, everyone is worth it and continue on.

And, on that caveat, I’d like to point out that I generally take a stance of “create and let create.” Freedom of expression is the greatest gift anyone can be given. Yes, avoid content that hurts you, but please don’t lash out at those who create it. Until you know exactly why they’ve created it, what their history is, and what thoughts or feelings they were working through while creating it, please leave them be. Creators should tag their works so people can avoid content that might be harmful to them, but content that is harmful to one person might be another person’s lifeline.

But the reason I’ve laid this all out is that I want you to judge for yourself. Do I seem like someone you want to be friends with? Do I seem like someone harmful? Do I seem like someone you are indifferent to? Please make the decision that is best for you, and if you happen to want to be friends, please let me know ^^

Now, finally, I hope to see a more positive fandom experience come of this. I say all this, however negative or bleak it might be for me, because it was important for me to work through my thoughts, and I hope that something positive can come of honesty and communication.

Please don’t go after the original poster of the list, if you know who they are. It’s better just to let it go. The person seemed to have had good intentions, however ill-executed they were, and talking to them is only going to create more ill will and negativity for everyone. I believe, at least in part, the reason their list is so unfounded and baseless is because the content they cited genuinely hurts them, and when creating the list, they did not look at the full context of everything they were citing. And, well, context is everything, really. This doesn’t really excuse them, as they still hurt people with a largely unhelpful and thoughtless post, but brewing the negative feelings helps no one. I would also like to state that the fact that the content hurts them is not the fault of any of the creators. If you tag appropriately, but someone doesn’t take the time to blacklist or otherwise protect themself from content they know will hurt them, then that’s on them.

Fandom is a really interesting place. It’s full of so many diverse and wonderful people--minors and adults, lgbtqa+ and allies, tons of different nationalities--we should really take more steps to look out for one another. If there’s anything I could be doing better, please let me know. My experience with the mdzs fandom hasn’t been great up to this point, and I want to change that. I love this show, and I also want to love the people who love it alongside me.

Remember, for every not so great person, there are twenty more lovely people just waiting to meet you. And I hope that, from here on, those lovely people get every good thing they deserve.

#discourse #csa mention #abuse mention #rape mention #suicide mention #really if you have any super common triggers please don't read this #not tagging the fandom #and it probably wont show up in the tags because looong #but yeah here is my only participation in discourse #id prefer no reblogs #but feel free to reply #or message me

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ronyxfic · 6 years

Text

Educating the Victim - Act VI, Chapter XIV

Pairing: -

Rating: Mature

Warnings/Tags: none for this chapter!

Read it on AO3! - Support us on Patreon!

Educating the Victim Masterpost

(Previous chapter) (Next chapter)

CHAPTER 14: Tailor Made

Azure came back shortly after Marigold called her back. She handed her a box of muffins and sat down. "Alright, so. Let's talk. What's the verdict?"

“We’re doing it,” Rose said. Her eyes were still a little puffy. “I don’t like it... but there’s no way I’ll let this happen without me.”

“She also said you were right,” Marigold added.

Rose glared at her.

"Hah, well, I appreciate the validation. Marigold, listen dear, I refuse to let you go to Italy without sending you with a few bits of... current clothes."

"What's wrong with them?"

"Oh, honey. I'll take you out myself, I can get you a few things fitted."

“I’m taking it that my clothes are fine,” Rose said, “though I wouldn’t mind some direction as to what you think is appropriate.”

"You don't seem as hopeless as Marigold here."

Marigold was blushing deeply. "You'd better take me in your limo."

"That can be arranged. Go talk to Blue. She's on the third floor. The dear came with me at five."

Rose looked between them before fixating Azure.

“Before I go... could I talk to you?” she asked.

Marigold raised an eyebrow. “I’ll go find Blue.”

"Of course. If... anything I said was news, then I assume you must have a few questions," Azure said softly. "Fire at will."

“Well...” Rose swallowed heavily. “I didn’t know you were dating Roxy, let alone... engaged. I always suspected she was cheating on me, but she always just spoke about you as a friend.”

Azure frowned. "She was polyamorous while dating you. She dated me and a lot of other women."

Rose gave a short laugh. “Let’s not unpack this right here, right now,” she said, “though I suspect I may need a drink later. But... anyway. Do you really not know why she disappeared?”

"No idea." Azure's expression turned dark. "We'd had a stable week. She was at work a lot but that was normal. One morning, she wasn't next to me when I woke up."

Rose felt a strange twist in her chest.

“I... if I’d known you were dating, I would have told you,” she said. “I don’t know why she wouldn’t tell you, but she was running from me. Here.” She handed Azure the folder she’d brought.

Azure looked down. She took them, flicking through. "Marigold mentioned this, not in the greatest detail. I understand that you want this case to be brought back to court?"

“Yes. She ran before I could bring her to justice.” Rose grimaced. “On second thoughts, I can definitely see why she wouldn’t tell you. Did she abuse you as well?”

Azure paused. "Roxy was... difficult. I think we both did a lot we regret. I feel equally responsible for whatever she gave out."

“Huh.” Rose didn’t sound convinced. “I take it you never found a blog written by her about how she systematically planned to abuse you and ruin your self esteem and mental health. She... it might be a bit hard to read. She admits to wanting to push me to suicide in there.”

Azure gave a heavy breath. "You'll get to end it. Take her to court. I hope you know that I'll protect you in any way I can."

“I’ll... do my best not to let my emotions get the better of me,” Rose said. “Because... I thought I knew her, but I didn’t know her at all. Maybe she can be reasoned with. I doubt it, but you never know.”

"I understand your concerns. It's good to be level headed. I'm worried Marigold may get too submissive."

Rose gave a chortle. “Up until a few weeks ago, I wouldn’t have thought I would ever hear anyone utter that sentence.”

"You don't know these women the way I do. Diamond's bark is worse than her bite."

“Well, she had me suspended and nearly fired, so forgive me if I don’t exactly take your word for it. Though she seems to have mellowed out a lot in the past month or so. Do you... know why?”

"Blue told me a thing or two. I'd ask her if you get the chance. Not my story to tell."

“Well,” Rose said, “I’m about to spend a good amount of time alone with her in Tuscany so I will probably get the chance. Speaking of which, do you have any, uh, tips for dealing with her?”

"Oh? Well. Marigold seems deadly terrified of dealing with her feelings, so she'll try and race time's arrow and march forward. If you remind her that the past exists and deserves acknowledgment... I think you'll find it'll be easier to play with her."

Rose sighed. “I don’t have any interest in playing with her,” she said, “or anyone for that matter, but I’ll keep it in mind.”

"Who knows? Might be a long trip. She's not actually that bad. But yes. Feel free to go home, I'll text you all the details."

“Okay. I have a lot of packing to do.” Rose got up. “Thank you, Azure,” she said, “and... sorry about Roxy. And everything that happened.”

"Me too, for you. I hope we can bring you justice."

“I appreciate it,” Rose said. “Feel free to keep those documents. I have enough copies to last me a lifetime. It may help clear up some things for you as well.”

"Alright. Have a good day and... good luck."

Azure watched Rose leave and then got up to find Marigold and Blue. She found them on the third floor.

“How have you been getting on?”

"The limo is on its way. I've tried to convince Ms Diamond that we don't in fact take it everywhere. She doesn't believe me."

“Well, obviously sometimes we take our private plane. Speaking of which, Marigold, that is yours for as long as you’re in Italy.” Azure smirked. “You ready?”

Marigold's jaw hung before she closed it. "Um, yes, of course. Where?"

“Downstairs. The chauffeur is waiting for us, I assume?” Azure shot Blue a smile.

"No, I mean... Where are we going?" Marigold followed her.

“Oh. My favourite tailor shop. They do such excellent suits there. And if we go now and I pay them enough, they can have it done this afternoon, so we shouldn’t delay.” Azure smiled. “Blue, darling, I’ll see you later.” She gave her fiancee a kiss before tugging Marigold along.

Marigold let herself be taken, trying to keep up with Azure. "All these years and you're still somehow faster than me when you're determined."

“I used to run competitively, you know. And was always very good at ignoring my pain and just getting on with it.” Azure stepped into the elevator. “Though it’s getting harder. There’s a reason I’m letting Blue run most of the company these days.”

"I could imagine." The doors closed. "You're sure I should... go?"

“To Italy? Well, you offered. Are you having second thoughts?”

"I suppose it's all really just hitting me right now." Marigold sighed.

Am I just agreeing because it's what I think Claire would have done?

“If it helps, you’re just about the only person I trust with this. You’re not trained, but you have personal stakes. Marina didn’t, and she’s too eager. In retrospect, it was a mistake sending her.” Azure sighed. “You know Roxy. So does Rose, even though she’s doubting herself a lot. Together, you can figure this out.”

"I'm glad you have faith in us."

“I don’t really have a choice. Or better options, really. No pressure, though.” Azure gave a wry smile and stepped towards the limo, holding the door open for Marigold, then sliding in after her.

Marigold couldn't really think of anything to add to that, so she followed her cue. "Oh! Now this is lovely."

“Isn’t it? Being rich has its perks.” Azure gave her chauffeur instructions and then leaned back. “So, you’re gonna be spending quite a bit of time with Rose, huh. Are you two close at all?”

"It's actually a bit awkward, still," Marigold admitted, looking around. "I don't think she's forgiven me, which is fair."

“You suspended her, huh? I won’t pry as to why, but there’s probably a reason why you haven’t fired her.” Azure’s smile fell. “She’s going to be a bit of a state, so be prepared for that. She didn’t know Roxy and I were dating. I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t know about any of the others either.”

"It's good that I didn't and that she... wants to do this. I think she's got big stakes in it, too."

“Very much so. I never knew her well but I could feel it. She was struggling to hold it in earlier. Roxy really damaged her, I don’t even need to look at her documents to know that.” Azure looked at Marigold. “She’s still young. You might need to look after her.”

"I'll do my best. I'm not too sure she wants me of all people to look after her."

“Well, we’ll just have to see how it goes,” Azure said.

Aurora made it to school by quarter to eight. Marigold, despite being on the rota, was nowhere to be seen. The basket of muffins lay untouched.

She picked up her phone and dialled. Straight to voicemail. She gave a sigh.

"Marigold! Hey! Had a really nice time last night. Wondering where you are... um. Call me back when you get this."

She hung up and looked around the empty office.

Did something come up regarding the... Roxy thing? I’ll call her again later if she hasn’t shown up.

It made her heart ache, though. She’d been hoping to see Marigold today.

Instead, she went into the staff room for coffee.

The staff room was fairly populated at the hour. Lapis, thick wad of exercise books by her side, and Jasper stood by the coffee machine, drinking hers idly.

Lapis looked at Aurora. "Lost on your way to the office, then?"

Jasper gently knocked into her. "Be nice. How are you, kiddo?"

“I’m okay!” Aurora smiled at her. “It looks like the Principal isn’t in so I figured I’d come here. How are you?”

"Figures." Lapis rolled her eyes. "Yeah, just getting ready before homeroom. I helped Jasper make a PowerPoint. "

Jasper beamed. "I'm taking my class out on a trip to look at local rivers!"

“Oh, that sounds lovely!” Aurora said. “Do you have anything interesting today, Lapis?”

"Just my lower year classes. Not everyone is on study leave, but we're just wrapping up our Shakespeare units for all the key stage three year groups."

“Sounds good,” Aurora said. The kettle boiled. “Anyone want a drink?”

"We've got some. What are you planning to do all day if Diamond isn't here?" Jasper smiled.

“There’s a bunch of stuff that needs doing whether she’s here or not, and if anything, her not being here means I have more to do,” Aurora said. “She might still turn up, though.”

"Hope so. Hope it all doesn't give you too much trouble." Jasper nodded.

Lapis gave her a look. "I'm just more surprised you're so concerned. Aren't we trying to take her down?"

“Oh.” Aurora blushed. “Yeah, that was a thing, wasn’t it? But she’s had a bit of an... experience, at Pride, and she’s actually coming around to the whole thing. And... coming out, as well.”

"Oh man, is that so?" Jasper blinked.

"She did seem a little spacey. I wondered why she didn't yell at us." Lapis crossed her arms. "So... what? We went through all the trouble of forming the crystal gems and we're just going to trust her?"

“I’d... leave it up to Rose, to be honest.” Aurora looked around. “Where is she, anyway?”

"Also missing. Might need to call in a substitute." Jasper said, looking around.

Aurora frowned. “I’ll check the schedule, see what she has on today,” she said. “Anyone else we’re missing?”

"Nah, just them two from the looks of it. I'm sure the kids will report anyone else who mysteriously vanished." Lapis winked.

“Oh, for sure.” Aurora took her tea and sipped on it. “Regarding Marigold... I mean, Principal Diamond,” she corrected herself, blushing. “I wouldn’t really want to do anything just yet. The school year is almost over.”

"That's true. And she hasn't caused trouble since Pride," Jasper remarked.

"As if that's more than the bare minimum." Lapis gave a scoff.

Aurora avoided their gaze. “Well, I should be off,” she said, “nice seeing you.”

"Nice seeing you too. Don't be a stranger." Lapis gave a wave, but whether she was genuine was a mystery.

“And here we are!” Azure pushed open the door to a posh-looking tailor shop. “In you come, Marigold. We don’t have all day.”

Marigold tried her best to pace in, but stopped. Suits were scarcely targeted for women in such a way, but in here there were mannequins, all shaped with hips and curves that filled fabric exquisitely.

Marigold found herself licking her lips. It was borderline sexy.

Azure shot her a look. “Behave yourself, this is a professional environment.”

A young woman came out of a sideroom. “Azure!” she said. “I got your girlfriend’s call. Is this your friend?” She looked Marigold up and down, a smile on her lips.

“It is! Marigold, this is Ruth.”

Marigold swallowed, flustered. "Hello! I'm... amazed by your selection, honestly."

“Oh, that’s always good to hear!” Ruth gave her a bright smile. “So, what are you looking for?”

“Professional attire,” Azure said. “Something that will look good in a court of law, but won’t attract too much attention outside of it.” She turned to Marigold. “How does that sound? Do you have any requests?”

Marigold looked sheepish. "It would be nice if it could be... yellow."

Azure tutted. “Now, now, didn’t you hear me? Something that won’t attract attention.”

Ruth, on the other hand, smiled more broadly. “Not everyone can wear blue every day of their lives, Azure,” she said. “If you’re okay with it, we can go with a dark blazer – black or brown, perhaps, with a yellow patterned lining and yellow accents? With pants to match, how does that sound?”

"I'm happy to try on whatever you think will work. I'm... woefully unaware of how fashion actually works." Marigold swallowed.

Azure snickered. “As if you needed to state that,” she said, grinning at Marigold.

Ruth, on the other hand, was unfazed. “Fashion is subjective,” she said, “and while it’s good to be aware of what goes well with which occasions, you’re entirely free to dress in whichever way you like.”

“A dark outfit with yellow accents sounds great,” Azure said.

“Great!” Ruth beamed. “Let’s have a look at different fabric, and then I’ll measure you.”

Marigold found herself biting her lip as she stopped herself from smiling too wide. "Now this is exciting." She followed Ruth.

Azure tagged along, if only to ensure Marigold didn’t select anything too outrageous.

“A yellow tie, or bow tie might be nice,” she said. “Yellow buttons, possibly.”

“I was thinking of putting a yellow seam,” Ruth said. “Ah! Here we are.”

In front of them was a table with all kinds of different fabric samples, arranged neatly in little booklets. “I’m guessing money isn’t an issue, as usual,” Ruth said.

“Absolutely not. In fact, this is an extreme rush order – you’ll have to have it done by two to allow for any corrections,” Azure said. “Can you do it?”

“I can,” Ruth said. “I’ll send you the invoice later, then. Well, Marigold, seeing anything you like?”

Marigold's eyes flickered, looking at her options. All yellow. All good. "Hmm."

Azure took one fabric sample. “This one is good for the main fabric,” she said. It was rich and black, with very subtle pinstripes. “It’ll look good with anything you put on the inside.” She peeked over Marigold’s shoulder.

Marigold nodded. "Go on, then."

Azure quickly selected four different yellow fabrics: two patterned, two plain. “I’d recommend one of these. Which one’s your favourite?”

"The patterned ones are nice. Oh! I really like that one."

Azure gave her a sly grin. “I thought you might.”

“Is that decided, then?” Ruth said, smiling. “If you’re ready, you can come through so I can take your measurements.”

"Oh! Alright. I was at least aware of this part. I don't need to take anything off, do I?"

“Only your jacket.”

“I will sit down for a while,” Azure said, “you don’t need me for this part.”

"Alright!" Marigold followed Ruth and stripped out of her own old yellow blazer. "I've worn it for years. Feels... unworthy to be in here."

“It is a perfectly good blazer, if a little worn,” Ruth said. “We don’t just serve millionnaires in here.” She took out a measuring tape. “Are you and Azure close, then?”

"Very." Marigold shot Azure a look and then smiled. "I don't really let her treat me often. So this is all... quite an experience."

Ruth started taking the measurements, scribbling down numbers as she did so. “Raise your arms,” she said, reaching around Marigold’s chest. “Thanks. I’ve only worked here for a few years, but Azure is one of our most valued customers... and not just because she’s rich.”

Marigold found herself deeply blushing. Ruth smelt pleasant, and the touch was just gentle enough to drive her wild.

Would I have let myself think these thoughts a month ago?

“Please relax,” Ruth said sweetly as she reached around Marigold’s waist. “We’ll be done very soon. If I’m too far in your personal space, I’m happy to back off.”

"No, this is fine!" Marigold squeaked, biting her lip.

Back in the age of her repression, She figured that this incident would have ignited a hot hour in the bathrooms.

Control yourself!

Ruth smiled at her patiently. “Okay.” She reached around Marigold’s hips.

Azure watched from the sides, a knowing grin on her face as she caught Marigold’s eyes.

Marigold sent her a heated look back but fought the urge to yelp back at her. Soon, she felt Ruth back away and swallowed. "Will that be all?"

“Yes, thank you!” Ruth put away the measuring tape. “I will give Azure a ring when we’re done. You’ll be available to come in later to try it on, won’t you?”

“She most certainly will,” Azure said, holding the door open for Marigold. “Can I interest you in anything else, Marigold?”

"A cold shower."

Azure chuckled. “I can drive us back to the office, there’s showers there. Or maybe home to yours? You do have some packing to do.”

"Mine would be brilliant. I could make us tea before you vanish?"

“Oh, that would be lovely!” Azure beamed at Marigold. “Let’s go, then.”

An hour and half had passed. Still no sign or call back from Marigold. Aurora frowned. Even last time she'd informed her of not coming in far earlier. Marigold wasn't her problem but... the fact that she'd promised to be at school before vanishing filled Aurora with concern.

She dialled again. Voicemail.

"Hey, Mari. Still wondering where you are... if you're ill or not coming in, let me know and I'll... Mark you as absent. I... miss you, I guess. Let me know how things are when you can."

>> Act 6, Chapter 15

#steven universe #su fanfic #su yellow diamond #su blue diamond #bellow diamond #su yellow pearl #su rose quartz #su blue pearl #su human au #educating the victim #etv act 6 #illustrated #animated

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