#Things that I've gone through. And I haven't really been through all that much comparatively. But I've still Gone Through It quite a few | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jockbroski34 · 4 months

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New Blood (Chapter 2)

This is the second half of New Blood. If you haven't already, please read the first part here:

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--Braden POV--

It’s been two weeks since Jacob changed into a jock. I almost didn’t recognize him at first. He seemed pretty chill when I saw him first, but now he acted like a spitting image of Zach and even started to look the part too. I even heard rumors that they started dating, which was a surprise to me because Zach always came off as straight to me.

It was just like what happened with Bradley. They would start hanging out more and more with Zach, and then the next time you see them, they become freakishly huge and start playing football. I’ve seen it happen twice, but I am certain it has happened before. It wasn’t the first time I saw someone in my class walk in looking like they took steroids overnight, but it was uncommon enough for it to not be a noticeable problem.

Even worse, I know he’s still at it. I’ve seen Zach and “Jake” talking to a guy I know in my class, Charlie. If I had to guess, he’s their next victim, but knowing him, I’m sure he’d be begging to join them. He’s openly gay and he’s always thirsted over the guys on the football team, even preferring my brother “Brad” over me. Zach probably has him wrapped around his finger at this point. Honestly, I felt bad for him for being that desperate. I knew it would be impossible to convince someone that down bad.

One thing became clear to me after the past several months. Zach was obviously getting closer to people in order to convince them to join the football team and become jocks like him. I’ve seen it happen multiple times, and at this point, he’s gone too far. I could try to tell the school about what he has been doing, but without definitive proof, I would just look crazy. The school obviously wouldn’t care anyways because they would benefit from a better football team to put their school’s name on the board.

As far as I know, no one in the school really seems to notice or care about people changing before their very eyes. They are completely oblivious. They don’t even care that they could be the one chosen to be targeted next. I’m basically all on my own here. This has to have been happening for almost a year at this point and I have to do something. I have to stop Zach and the rest of the team from turning these students into meathead jocks.

I began to investigate Zach and the rest of the football team. I went down the roster and made a list of every person who I definitely knew had been turned into a jock. There were a few more than I had expected to be honest. About thirty percent, I believe. These people had all gone through the drastic changes involved with joining the team, including the increased body growth.

There was one person who I specifically wanted to find information on, Zach. I decided to browse his Instagram to find even a hint of any tangible evidence that I could use against him. He had a lot of photos, with most of the recent ones being him showing off his body or partying. I wouldn’t expect much else from a douchebag like him. Although my investigation did not bear much fruit, I did find something interesting. As I scrolled through his old photos, I saw a boy both similar, yet entirely different to the cocky, muscular quarterback I knew. Was he one of the ones that was changed too?

The photo, about two years ago, showed an entirely different Zach. He was certainly still tall for his age, and definitely still taller than I am now. He was more on the skinnier side, however, and his face had softer, more boyish features compared to his more chiseled self. He had a longer hairstyle which contrasted with the short style he was rocking now. He still had the same verdant green eyes, although they had a more innocent look compared to the confidence his current self was full of. If you had shown me this picture without any of the information I know, I would’ve thought this was his cute little brother.

The more I thought about it, the more I started to wonder. How did he do it? Him being one of the earlier guys to transform combined with him being the quarterback and the team captain led me to believe that he had to be one of the first, perhaps being the prototype.

I saw another photo of the old Zach from three years ago. It was him with two older men at a football game, each one of them adorning a jersey to match with the others in the crowded stadium. The man next to Zach bore enough similarities with him that I assumed that he was his father, but the other man’s identity was still a mystery. The face looked familiar however, but I figured it was just a coincidence. Maybe he was an uncle or an old family friend? Either way, I came to the conclusion that Zach was likely always into football even at a young age. I wouldn’t find it surprising that he would want to play football, but anyone with eyes could see that it would be impossible to achieve that kind of body in just two years even with nonstop training and a strict diet. I considered the possibility that steroids could have been involved, but how would he be able to even get his hands on them, let alone supply them to that many people?

I then tried to broaden my perspective a bit, and an interesting theory entered my mind. The football coach would obviously know of the changes, right? He couldn’t just turn a blind eye after some guys just randomly became jocks and wanted to join the team, right? In fact, he would have much to gain by turning his players into the ideal version of a high school football player. Stronger players mean more wins. More wins mean more success for the team and for the school. No wonder why the school doesn’t care. They are directly benefiting from this!

So I decided that I would dig deeper on the coach. Unsurprisingly, he was a former football player and coach, but decided to move to this town about three to four years ago. At the college he went to, he majored in psychology. I found the pair between football and psychology to be a strange fit, with very little overlap. But then I started to think. He obviously knows a lot about the human mind. Maybe that’s why the guys on the team like Bradley and Jacob came out acting like entirely different people. He had to have done something to them subconsciously, perhaps some form of hypnosis or brainwashing. Bradley would often mention things that obviously never happened, so I am sure his memories were tampered with. I would know. I’ve known him my entire life and he never cared about sports before now. Just as I had figured out a hypothesis on how they might have changed mentally, I still didn’t know how their bodies might have changed. I defaulted to my original idea, steroids, but I didn’t know how a high school coach would get steroids for his players. Surely he’s smart enough to want to avoid that scandal.

I remembered the coach’s face. I’ve definitely seen it before at least once at school, but it was also the other man in the photo with Zach! So it seems that the coach knew Zach before he became a jock. I’m guessing he and his father were close? If I’m on the right track, Zach could have been his guinea pig for his experiments, since he would have to be one of the first guys to undergo the jock transformation.

I wrote all of the important evidence I had into a document, but then I heard the front door open. Shit, Brad, no, Bradley came home early from football practice! I quickly saved the document onto my flash drive, and hid it in my pocket. We shared the same computer, so I couldn’t risk him finding it, even though he would probably just look up sports statistics or porn instead. Bradley was seemingly unaware by the time he entered our shared room.

“Hey bro,” Bradley said. “Doing homework already? You’re a much harder worker than me, bro.” The old Bradley would never say bro. And he was arguably a better student than me.

“Yeah,” I responded, sarcastically. I was honestly getting tired of him after all that has been going on. “Not that you would know anything about studying, you dumb brute.” I grabbed my things and left for the living room, not wanting to be anywhere near my changed brother, nor near his sweaty, unwashed clothes that he left on the floor.

“What’s wrong bro?” Bradley followed me, his large feet stomping on the floor with every step. “You not feeling alright? I’m going on a run in a little bit if you want to come with. It’ll help clear your head.” I was fuming at his ignorance. It was at this moment that I burst.

“You are what’s wrong ‘bro’! Ever since you started hanging out with Zach and joined the football team, you’ve been completely unrecognizable! You’re just another jock now!”

“So what? I like being on the team and I like hanging out with the guys.”

“Is that really you in there or is that Zach or Coach doing the talking for you? You were never like this before you met them. I know that they changed you!” I realized I may have said too much.

“I guess they did rub off on me a little, but I did this for me, bro,” I rolled my eyes at the idea that anyone would willingly agree to be transformed into a jock. “I know you and I have grown apart these past couple months, but I just want us to get along again like we used to, bro. No matter what.” He reached out for a hug, but I pushed him away. The man in front of me was not my brother. Besides, he’d probably break a bone or two.

“You are not my ‘bro’! If you want us to be brothers again, you can start by quitting the team. You’re never gonna get anywhere in life by throwing footballs and getting concussions.”

“You’ll never understand, little bro.” Bradley seemed disappointed, and left through the front door, likely going on another one of his runs. I felt a wave of anger and shame rush over me, not just at my foolish brother, but at myself for being unable to connect with him. The rest of the night went by as usual, only we were even more cold towards each other than we were earlier. Dinner was incredibly awkward, with our tension hanging over the dinner table. We avoided eye contact and didn’t even say a word to each other the whole night. As I tried to fall asleep, I knew that we couldn’t keep living like this. Something needed to change.

--Jake POV--

I woke up to the sound of an alarm in Zach’s warm embrace, his toned arms barely wrapped around my new, larger body. His thick legs tangled in between mine like a knot and his 9-inch serpent in his jockstrap pressed against my back. I had slept the night at his place again, but it was pretty common these days now that we were officially a couple. We saw each other almost every day, whether it was at school, practice, the gym, or watching football together on Sunday. The other bros grew a little jealous of us, but it’s a little hard not to be.

I thought about what happened the other day. Memories of the lessons prior were drowned out by the practice, and by me and Zach recruiting the newbie to the team. You see, Zach was not only the team captain and our star quarterback. He was also responsible for recruiting new members to the team and getting people interested in football, and he asked me to help him out, which I obviously agreed to.

Obviously I now know how the recruitment process actually works, seeing as he had done it to me weeks ago, but it is different watching it compared to seeing it happen to yourself. Unlike me, the new recruit took less time and was very eager to join the team. Charlie was a nerdy kid, and gay too, but he had a slight interest in football, but mainly for the hot guys who played it. I empathized with him, seeing as I was lusting over Zach just weeks ago. Naturally, me and Zach helped him realize that he could be one of those hot football jocks who he jerked off to, while also allowing him to appreciate the art of the game on more than a surface level. I watched Charlie transform and he was already in love with his new body and jock persona. He’s now one of the guys he’s thirsted for, and maybe if he’s lucky, he can get to suck off one of the bros. I don’t think any of them are gay, though, but if little bro tries to make a move on Zach though, I’ll beat the shit out of him. Maybe I’ll try to hook him up with another new gay recruit.

I heard a buzzing sound from the nightstand in front of me. I grabbed my phone, which lit up in the dark room. My new lock screen was a picture of me and Zach, our arms over each other’s shoulders, in our football uniforms after a hard-fought victory. Brad had messaged the group chat and it seemed like he had something important to share.

“hey bros my little bro braden is mad at me for joining the team and i think he knos about wat teh team is doin hes obv mizrabl and i want us to get along agan think zach and coach can turn him into a jock liek me?”

I remembered Braden and how antagonistic he acted towards me and the other members of the team. I still haven’t forgiven him for being so judgmental towards us. We just wanted to play football and be bros together. What was wrong with that? Judging from what Brad said, it is clear that he’s already gathering evidence on us just like he had said, as he knows about not just Zach, but Coach too. If the secrets of our program leaks, it could be very bad news. Because he was an enemy to the team, he was an enemy to me. However, I felt like I could forgive him if he joined us. Plus, I wanted him to see firsthand why we loved this lifestyle so much. I responded in the group chat.

“yea we shud do it b4 he trys telling any1 he knows about zach alredy and he knows i changed and tryd to warn me lets talk after practice”

Zach started to rise from his slumber, realizing that he had slept past his alarm and he gave me a kiss on the lips. I informed him of the situation with Braden and he agreed that this was probably the best option. I didn’t care if he would try to resist us, but he needed to know that we were not to be fucked with. Zach went downstairs to make breakfast for the two of us while I got ready for school.

I changed into one of Zach’s T-shirts that he let me wear and a pair of basketball shorts, and then I put on my hat, adorned with the team’s logo, and twisted the brim backward. Damn, I looked good. I got turned on by the man staring back at me in the mirror, with his toned body and cocky smirk that showed everyone that he was on top of the world. I could tell that my transformation was corrupting me, but in the best way possible. I loved it. This was everything I ever wanted.

On my plate were eggs, bacon, and peanut butter toast. Zach didn’t take his studies too seriously but at least he knew how to cook a good, protein-rich meal. It was a feast fit for muscular kings like ourselves. I chugged the protein shake that he made for me, rich with a chocolate flavor, before we got into my car and drove to school.

We arrived at school, sat through a bunch of boring lectures, and as soon as that was over, we went straight to practice. Earlier in the day, I bumped into Braden to show him who he was up against. He just glared back at me. It was an odd feeling knowing the power I had over others, but the idea of being stronger and better than everyone made me hard. While we waited for Coach to arrive, we discussed what to do about Braden. Charlie said that he had final period with him and that he looked at him funny. I found the coincidence that Charlie shared a class with him to be quite hilarious, and I imagined the irony of the situation to drive him insane. Brad said that his mom was going out of town for the week to visit family and his dad worked late hours, so he would have no one to pick him up.

With that information, I devised a plan. Since Brad would probably have to pick up Braden from school, we could use this opportunity in our favor and get him alone with us. Since we have practice tomorrow, he will have to stay until after we are finished, so as long as we can keep track of him, we should be able to take him to the locker room in order to be transformed. With the plan ready to go, we started practice. After that, me and Zach went to the gym and my biceps were swollen after a hard workout. I definitely reached a new high today, and I felt great. Zach decided to spend the night at my place as we tried to iron out any potential flaws in our plan. Zach seemed proud that I was taking an active role in the team.

“Hey bro, you’re doing a great job helping me to keep this team going. Whether it’s winning games, or helping out during practice, or giving new recruits the sweet taste of what it’s like to be a jock, you’re really awesome. When I first met you, I never imagined you would make this great of a jock.”

I blushed. No one had ever praised me that much. “What can I say bro? I learned from the best,” I responded as I kissed him. He wrapped his arms and body around me and spooned me like the night before. As I drifted to sleep, I reflected on Zach and the other guys on the team. They brought out the best in me. I fought for my life for them on the field just as they did for me. Off the field, they were like the brothers I never had. But Zach was the only person I felt truly understood me on a personal level. He made me who I am and he showed me how to make other guys as great as we are. And I eagerly awaited tomorrow when we would have yet another new recruit.

--Braden POV--

Looks like the jocks are at it again. Charlie was officially turned into yet another musclehead jock. We were kinda close, since we talked a bit during class, and I genuinely did get along with him despite his preference for jocks. To be honest, I thought he was kinda cute, but all he would talk about is how hot the football guys were which was a turn-off to me. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that he gave in to them. I’m sure he’ll have a great time taking dick in the locker room like he always dreamed of.

It was at this point that I finally developed a plan to put an end to the football team’s schemes. I learned the other day that my mom was going to visit family for the week, so I would be alone with “Brad” until my dad got home. Normally this would be a nightmare for me, since I’d have to stay at school until after his practice since he would be responsible for driving me home. I decided that while he and the other jocks were at practice, I would sneak into the locker room in order to find any evidence that these guys were turning into jocks. The more the better, but even just one piece of evidence would surely be enough to raise some suspicion against them. If I find any incriminating evidence, I’ll report it straight to the school and the police. It’s all up to me at this point.

After class, I went to the library to get some peace and quiet and to get a headstart on some homework before commencing with my operation. I found it hard to concentrate because I was so on edge. I figured I wouldn’t have any problems since practice was still over an hour long, but the anticipation was killing me. I was also distracted by heavy stomping outside. It was after school! Couldn’t they keep it down at least a little? And then, even though I should’ve been alone, I heard someone else enter the library.

It was Charlie! What was he doing here? Shouldn’t he be at practice? He was still wearing his uniform too. I had to admit, his new look did suit him. I found myself staring at his nice round bubble butt. It was always on the larger side, but it had to look even bigger now. His football pants helped to emphasize his best features. What am I even saying? Even if he was objectively more handsome, any attraction I would have for him would vanish as soon as he opened his dumb mouth.

“Hey, Brady! I didn’t know you were still here,” Charlie greeted me with a stupid grin on his face. I hated that he was trying so hard to be friendly with me.

“Yeah, Bradley has to pick me up today,” I responded. Surely just putting up with him would get him off my back for a while. The last thing I wanted was for him to interfere with my plans. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d be at practice.”

“I forgot my book in class, so I went to go get it really quick. But then, I saw you. Brad did say that he would be picking you up today.” What an odd excuse. I couldn’t imagine the coach letting him leave practice early for a stupid reason like that.

“Couldn’t you just go after practice? Like don’t you have better things to do?”

“I told Coach I’d be quick. Plus, I wanted to see you!” He wrapped his meaty arm around my scrawny shoulder. I could smell a strong waft from his armpit, from the sweat of a hard workout. I would’ve pushed him off me, but there was little point fighting back against a man as strong as he is. It was a friendly gesture anyways.

“I’m kinda sad that we don’t talk much, bro. I know I spend a lot of time on the football team, but I would’ve liked to get to know you better. I think you should join the team so we can hang out more.”

“I’m not…” my annoyant tone was paused as Charlie pushed his face into mine. He was kissing me? I had to admit, he was a good kisser, both strong and passionate. I wasn’t sure if he was naturally like this or if his jock side made him a better kisser. As our lips parted, I felt my face turn beet red. I was overwhelmed, embarrassed, confused, furious, annoyed…No. I couldn’t find any one word to describe how I felt. I knew I wasn’t supposed to kiss him, but it did genuinely feel nice even if I couldn’t stand Charlie the jock. I had to get it together. He was obviously trying to mess with me, but my answer stayed the same. “I’m not joining the team.”

“Yes you are,” a voice said as a set of hands grabbed me from behind. Before I could call out for help, one of the firm hands covered my mouth, deafening my cries for help. Fuck, it was Jake! He must’ve snuck in while I was distracted and disoriented. He effortlessly picked me up and shoved me into a black gym bag. I was trapped. I couldn’t see a thing and no one could hear me either. It was a tight fit and I couldn’t fight back against the scent of old, sweaty gym clothes.

“Good work, little bro,” Jake said as he high-fived Charlie. “Now let’s take him to the locker room.” Shit, they were already one step ahead of me. I had to admit, these meathead jocks were smarter than I thought. I remembered Charlie’s words and I realized what they were going to do to me. They were planning to turn me into a jock! This cannot be happening. As I tried to think of a plan to get out of this situation, my mind became clouded by the intoxicating scent inside the bag. I hated the smell of sweat and musk, but for some reason, I started to feel a little hard. For some reason, I picked up one of the articles of clothing, a sweaty unwashed jockstrap, and out of curiosity, I found myself sniffing it. I became distracted by the pungent smell momentarily as I was carried to my destination.

When I finally saw light again, I was surrounded by a horde of members of the football team in the locker room. They all stood in a circle and they looked like predators, and I was their prey. I contemplated the idea of running, but I knew it was physically impossible to outrun even one of them with their superior athletic abilities. I thought about begging for mercy, but I knew they could not be reasoned with and because of my pride, I didn’t want me to come across as weak. Brad walked over to me, carrying an entire football uniform that seemed way too big for me.

“Put them on, bro,” he ordered. I obliged, seeing as I no longer had any say in the matter. I felt a sense of embarrassment because the clothes were way too big on me. It felt like I was a kid trying to wear his dad’s clothes.

“You’ll grow into it, trust me,” Jake said, his hand on Zach's shoulder, a proud smirk plastered on his face. My worst fears were realized. I didn’t know how but they were going to turn me into one of them, yet another jock.

“You’re probably wondering why we brought you here, little bro. Well, we know you’ve been trying to get in our way. You’re the only student in this school who knows or even cares what we do. You’re the minority, bro,” Brad explained. He reached into my backpack which he was holding and pulled out the flash drive that stored all my evidence. “I noticed that you were trying to hide this the other day when I came in. You might just think I’m a ‘dumb brute’ but even I couldn’t miss something that obvious. I wonder why you had to hide it, bro…” he teased as he inserted it into a laptop on one of the benches. It didn’t take long for him to find the document I used to share my findings.

“Well, well…” Zach teased. “Looks like someone did their research. I’m kinda impressed at how much you use your brain, bro. Too bad you won’t be needing it for much anymore.” He then proceeded to delete the file as my hard work was erased from the flash drive. I felt mortified as my hard work was all for nothing and I realized what was going to become my fate. I then heard footsteps coming in from outside.

“I believe this is our first time meeting,” a commanding voice stated. From the way he spoke, I felt any amount of defiance I still had in me turn into submissiveness, like a father catching his son sneaking out at night. “It seems you already know who I am, but I’m Coach Myers. I’m sure you’re full of questions, and don’t worry, I’ll have plenty of time to answer every last one of them.”

I was looking at the man in charge, the mastermind behind all of the jocks who were transformed. I had so much I wanted to ask him, both out of curiosity and anger, that I didn’t know where to start.

“What caused you to turn these students into jocks?” I asked.

“Good question. I was always interested in bringing out the best in one’s self, but I never knew where to start until recently. Me and Zach’s father were close friends in the NFL. As a result, Zach always looked up to me, but even though he wanted to be a football player like his father, he wasn’t able to cut it.”

I looked at Zach, who normally seemed very confident and arrogant, but for the first time since I’ve seen him, for just a split second, he felt humbled, reminded of his shortcomings. For once, I kinda felt bad for the guy even though I thought he was a total douche. Despite the sob story, I still realized that what he had done was too far.

“He approached me in tears one day. He wished he was stronger, wished he was more like the guys he looked up to at school. And that’s when I realized that maybe I could help him. And so we spent almost a year studying ways to transform his body and even his mind into the perfect football player. And eventually, we succeeded. Zach was exactly the person he dreamed of being.”

I now knew why and how it began. Zach was the first, the alpha. But why did he keep doing it? “You helped to make Zach who he is now, but why did you continue to do it to other students?” I asked.

“I’m glad you asked. Although changing Zach was my finest achievement, I realized that there were many kids his age who were just like him. Some felt inadequate, incomplete, inferior, and some just lacked any purpose in general. So I gave these boys that purpose, and I made them into the strong men that they always dreamed of being. And not just in this school. High schools and colleges all across America are doing the exact same thing we are doing, all thanks to my innovations.”

I was shocked by this revelation. This jock problem was happening at an even larger scale than I could’ve possibly imagined. Surely there had to have been hundreds of guys turned into jocks just like here at this school, perhaps even some of the ones that tried to oppose them like me. I realized how hopeless I felt.

“I know my research is unethical but I believe that what I am doing is right. But back to you, do you not feel at least a little envious of your brother?”

I looked over at Brad…why was I calling him Brad? I have to admit, I was always a little jealous of him. He always seemed to be the favorite child, and now that he’s been jocked and has joined the football team, he’s infinitely more popular than me. If I were just like him, then maybe…No. That’s what he wants me to think. But at the same time, I could imagine myself becoming as strong as him, becoming as popular as him.

And then I realized the futility of this decision. They were going to turn me into a jock anyways. But for some reason, I had warmed up to the idea, in a way that would’ve sickened me just an hour earlier. Maybe I was experiencing Stockholm Syndrome, or maybe I did feel envious of Brad this whole time just like how Coach Myers described.

“Coach can make you just like he made me. We’ll finally get along again, and we can bond better than we ever could before. What do you say bro?” Brad asked.

I looked at my brother, then around to the other jocks around me, then finally to Coach. If I said yes, then I would have a brother again. I’ll be more attractive and more popular and maybe I’ll even be happier this way. Maybe Charlie will want to go out with me. But that would mean erasing who I am to become yet another jock. That I would lose and all of this would be for nothing. Who am I kidding? I already lost. I was doomed to become a jock the moment I tried to intervene in their plans. But you know, maybe this isn’t so bad. I tried to imagine my jock life with a newfound sense of optimism.

“You’ll have to consent to joining the team before we can move forward,” Coach informed me.

“Enough with your monologue, I’ll do it,” I answered, with a sense of humiliation as I surrendered. However, there was a slight smirk on my face, either from embarrassment or from how absurd my situation really was.

“That took less time than I expected,” Coach responded. “The rest of you, resume practice drills. Braden, come with me.” I obliged, anticipating what the Coach had in store for me. I signed a form, put on some earbuds, and put the helmet on.

As the hypnotic video in front of me played, I slowly became entranced by the spiral that was sucking me into my new life as I felt parts of my mind become erased, including any part of me that still tried to resist this. “I wanted this,” I thought to myself as new thoughts and memories started to fill the gaps in my mind. It was like a computer deleting old files that weren’t important in order to make room for stuff that mattered way more. I always looked up to my brother Brad, as he was a year older than me. He was incredibly talented at football, so naturally, I followed in his footsteps. Being younger, I was less experienced than him, but he was a good role model and I aspired to match him as a player. He was like the touchdown in the endzone and I was at the 50 yard line to put it in better terms.

My body changed entirely. Every muscle in my body expanded, like I was being pumped full of air. My football uniform that was way too big at first, soon fit me like a glove. It was a little painful at first, but I soon felt a wave of euphoria rush over me as I became obsessed with my body, especially my new dick, which more than doubled in size to a massive 10 inches. I started to resemble the new Brad, with the same short buzzcut. Before we didn’t look much alike. Brad was always more on the chubby side and I was on the skinnier side. But now, we could almost pass as twins. You could still tell which one of us was the little brother though.

This is who I am. This is who I always was. I am a football jock. I started to love the idea of playing sports and working out, along with other things. Except I always did? Part of me remembered thinking the jocks were stupid, arrogant, and annoying brutes, but that’s wrong because all my friends are jocks and they are really cool, bro. Bro. Bro, bro, bro…I’m starting to like that word, dude. Eventually I woke up, without any knowledge of what had taken place today, reveling in my new changes.

“I take it you won’t be a problem anymore, kid?” Coach inquired.

“No Coach! I’m sorry for causing you trouble dude,” I answered. Part of me felt off, and I felt confused for a second. I wondered what got me in trouble, but I shrugged it off because I don’t think about that kind of stuff.

“I did keep some of your smarts, unlike the others, but you definitely won’t come off that way. Your grades were better than the rest and I figured it’d be a waste if they were to completely go away. How would you like to help me expand upon my research?”

“That’d be awesome, sir!” I answered. My new self couldn’t comprehend the irony that I would be directly helping Coach with the very schemes I was trying so hard to stop in the first place. But why would I ever want to put an end to the very thing that made me who I am now? I didn’t look or act the part, but I’m kinda smart I guess. I’m not a fucking nerd or a know-it-all though. Not that I really want to use my brain more than I have to except for counting calories and football plays. I was interested in turning more men into awesome jocks like me though. “Can I go back to practice?”

“Yeah, go meet up with the other boys. I’ll be out in a sec.”

I joined my fellow bros and we resumed practice. Playing football just felt natural to me. We held a party after the game on Friday to celebrate our win. We were on a huge winning streak. We hadn’t even lost once this season! At the party, Charlie asked me out, impressed with my masculine new look. Turns out he did like me back after all. He kissed me in the library after all, although I don’t remember why we were there in the first place. He was always kinda hot, so I said yes, and we quickly realized how much chemistry we had beyond being bros. We were soon the second couple on the team, the other being Jake and Zach, who were a year above us, who were just as cool. Nothing wrong with some bro on bro action after all.

Me and Brad had a bit of a fight a while ago, but we’re cool now. I’m even closer with my big bro than I had ever been before, especially now that we’re on the team together. I loved life with my bros and I knew my bros loved their lives too. After practice, I would stay after with Coach and Zach and we would look into ways to create more and even better jocks. I haven’t been filled in on the finer details yet, but I know that they have big plans not only for this school, but for other schools as well. I found this purpose along with playing football to be much more compelling to me than anything else. If there was a part of me that was upset about this life, it definitely wasn’t there anymore because I loved being a jock.

--Zach POV--

I spent the night at Jake’s place again. Today was a long day though. Between practice and all the stuff with Braden, I was exhausted. It did feel like everything was resolved though, and I felt satisfied knowing that our secrets were safe now. I laid in Jake’s bed and I talked with him.

“Another jock well done bro,” I said, as I wrapped my arms around and kissed my boyfriend.

“We were awesome today,” Jake responded. “I can tell that Braden is already loving his new jock body. Glad he could finally see the light, bro.”

“Can’t blame him. I have no regrets about anything though, even Braden. How about you bro?”

“Me neither. I love being a jock and I love making my bros into jocks too. I’m with you every step of the way, bro.”

“That’s my bro!” I rustled Jake’s hair before leaning in for a kiss. For the first time ever, I felt completely content with my life. I have Jake, Coach, and all my other bros to support me. I’m the captain and star quarterback of the football team and I carry us to victory every game. The jock life is perfect for me and for all my bros. If even Braden could see how awesome it was, I knew that anyone could if given the chance. I got hard as I imagined what it would be like if every guy at school was as strong and handsome as me. If everyone was a jock. With Jake on my side and everyone else, I knew we could take on anything, anyone. Maybe even the world. “We still have lots of work to do.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is the end of this series for now, so thank you for reading it. I'm open to expanding upon it even more in the future if the demand is high enough and if I have ideas on where to take it. I also have a lot of other shorter transformation story ideas that I want to write eventually, so stay tuned.

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kilibaggins · 4 months

Text

Promise | Daryl Dixon

Daryl Dixon x Reader

A/N: I've loved daryl dixon since middle school and now i feel like i should try to write him! this was not requested but i really felt like writing for him so here i am.

Summary: Ever since things started slowing down at the prison, and more people started to join the group, Daryl started... Distancing himself from you. You've had enough.

my requests are very much open just so you know! go ahead and request something just read my rules first (its linked in pinned)

Word Count: 1100

The prison has been without incident for two weeks now. A couple weeks ago a fight broke out, and before that, it had been a case of theft… Things that remind you of the old world. Small things compared to some of the big ones you've experienced.

Things seem… Nice. People are starting to flourish, people are starting to grow. You've made new friends, new fellow survivors who you share your days with. It's comforting to know that after everything you have somewhere safe to be, even if only for now.

The only thing is that… Daryl never talks to you.

See, to many people this might be normal. He's Mr. Macho. He's the one that stays secluded and isolated and never talks unless he has to but… This is different. He's always been different with you. You've always been the one who tries your best to check on him, to care for him, even when he's pushing himself away.

Even back on Hershel's farm, when he kept his tent far away, you walked out there every day to check on him and keep him company. When Andrea accidentally shot him and he seemed to be on death's door you were the one to help him through that.

Once the farm got overrun, and you all started frantically trying to find a new place to be, you two had gotten even closer. He'd watch your back, and you'd try to watch his, it was as great as a new friendship could be in a world that has ended.

But after the prison got up and running and after things calmed down he started to… Disappear. When you'd go to find him for hunts he wouldn't be there, or he'd already be gone. When you'd try to do anything with him he'd practically push you into a different group.

You have to admit, it hurts. You thought things were going well, but all of a sudden he's completely cold-shouldering you.

It's been a long day, and in your frustration, you realize that all you want is the man you had once thought of as your best friend. Daryl. You huff and climb on the long stairs of the prison up to the back where Daryl put his cell. Pretty much as far away from everyone as possible, in true Daryl fashion.

“Hey…” You say, leaning against the entranceway to the cell. The cell door is only half closed and you see he's cleaning his bow.

“What?” He asks, instead of saying hello back. You roll your eyes.

“Just wanted to talk for a minute.” You say, trying to smile at him.

“Then talk.” He says, his voice frustrated. You feel the emotion pool up in your chest.

“I just- How have you been? We haven't talked much lately, but-”

“Ya got anything important to say or are ya just here to bug me?” Daryl asks, finally looking up at you. You tear up and turn away, taking a few steps away from the cell.

“Whatever…” You say. Before you make it to the stairs though you pause. You turn around and march to the door. “You know you don't have to be such a jerk.”

“'Scuse me?” Daryl asks, his eyes piercing as he puts down his crossbow.

“You heard me. What is your problem?” You ask, angry. You're done having him ignore you like this. “All I want to do is talk to my best friend for more than ten minutes-”

“Best friend? Please, ya can't be serious.” Daryl snaps. He stands up and throws his arms out. “I ain't yer best friend. Go talk to someone else.”

“What happened to us being close, huh? You used to like being around me.” You say, your voice raising.

“I did like bein’ around ya. But things change.” Daryl says, turning around and picking up his jacket. He always has to be fidgeting with something.

“Why?” You ask, your voice breaking a bit. You cough and shake your head. “Why do things have to change? What did I do wrong?”

“Ya didn't do nothing. Just… Just go be with someone else. I got issues I gotta take care of.” He says. He isn't looking at you, head looking down at the small patch on his jacket that you added.

“… I don't want to be with someone else.” You say.

“Well, ya should!” Daryl suddenly yells. “Go be with someone actually worth somethin’.”

Your heart breaks. You finally step into his cell and walk up to him. He's purposefully avoiding eye contact with you and you reach out and touch his arm. He moves away only for a second before letting you touch him.

“Daryl… You're my best friend. I'm gonna be honest, you're probably more than that, you mean the world to me. You're who I want to be around… Don't tell me you've been pushing me away because of that.”

Daryl doesn't say anything and frowns. He looks at you before looking back down.

“Don't want ya findin' out ya wasted yer time on me,” Daryl says. You reach up and gently tuck his hair behind his ear. He flinches slightly and you frown.

“Let me make that choice, okay?” You say gently.

“But-”

“Let me make my own choices. I want to be around you. I want to talk to you and hang out with you. You're it for me, whether you want it to be romantic or platonic, I want you in my life.” You say. You reach down and straighten his shirt. “Everyone else here doesn't get what we've been through. You do. Do you want me around?”

“Yeah, but-”

“Then you’re stuck with me.” You say, smiling at him.

"M'sorry." He says, as he tries to look away to hide his smile but you catch it anyways.

“There you are.” You say, grinning.

“Stop.” He mumbles, trying to turn away again, his smile getting bigger. You grab his hands turn him back to you and smile widely at him. You love his smile. “Said stop, punk.”

You laugh and lean up to kiss his cheek. You can feel how warm it is.

“Don’t leave me, okay?” You ask, looking up at him. Your smile is gone now, and he can tell you’re serious. “Don’t push me away. Please.”

“A’right. Promise.” He says, shrugging, but he still has that genuine look in his eyes.

“Pinky promise?” You ask, holding out your pinky. He rolls his eyes.

“What're ya, six?”

“Shut up and pinky promise me, Dixon.” You say, laughing. He scoffs and his pinky interlocks with yours.

“Promise.”

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #the walking dead #daryl dixon imagine #the walking dead imagine #my fanfic #twd #thewalkingdead #daryldixon #daryl dixon x you #daryl dixon x y/n

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a-dauntless-daffodil · 4 days

Text

in an "Emily ends up in hell too somehow" AU, and things have been busy since THAT happened-

but Charlie finds time to looks over one day like "wow i feel like I've only ever seen your wings folded up these days... oh! you haven't been flying much lately! you know you can whenever you want to don't worry about me- i'd LOVE to watch you and Vaggie get some good swoop swoops in!"

Vaggie's like "babe i can just carry you. you can come for the swoop swoops too"

naturally Charlie is just "!!!" excited bc getting wing uppies from her dad is one thing, but the idea of going for a fly with the two angels who are happier down in hell (with HER) than they were up in heaven is just so "!!!!!!!!!!" she cannot WAIT

Emily has the most nervous, guilty smile on while listening to this.

Vaggie notices, asks what's up, and Emily (also bad at lying out right) (also good at not saying things) quietly admits that

she can't fly anymore

(THIS WONT BE SAD LISTEN I SWEAR THIS WILL BE OKAY)

there's a silence so quiet they can all HEAR IT when one of Emily's feathers detaches and falls softly to the hotel floor

Emily goes on: it's not a big deal compared to what else they're all dealing with- (Charlie's horrified face says otherwise) -but every day Emily's been here down in hell her wings have worked less and less and now she can't even glide with them- which is fine! most people in hell get on fine without wings, right? It's, one of the big differences between here and heaven, and- well Vaggie was fine without flying for years, so really-

-but it's not fine to Charlie it's not fine it's not fine- she's not fine with this, she's not OKAY with the idea that being in hell has to HURT every angel in her life somehow- she's not okay with being so busy Emily didn't even feel like she could even MENTION THIS-

Vaggie is grabbing their hands and reminding them both to breathe okay? Hold on, slow down, let's check what we're up against here before we all go rushing into any guilt or blame or whatever

(vaggie is already happy to blame heaven for whatever this is and maybe scream up at that damn distant light from rooftop until she blows her voice out, but she can't do that while Emily's smile is still frozen determinedly in place and Charlie is shaking like a leaf, so-)

So it's let's all sit down and, brushing Emily's hair over her shoulder while Charlie clings to her hands and, it's Vaggie quietly asking her fellow angel is she can unfold her wings

the stiff, ginger way Emily slowly spreads all six of them giving lie to that brightly brittle smile

the words that slip out now, as Vaggie's hands gently run through dulled feathers and the bases of Charlie's horns press into feathery bangs as Charlie leans in and Emily slumps, wings limp in Vaggie's steadying hold

(the difference between wings just being gone, taken- and coming back- but always working and whole while Vaggie had them, and this, this gradual failure like a wind dying down, a light fading out, the wrongness of wings that felt heavy and air that passed over them like nothing, not catching and holding or lifting but just feeling hollow, an emptiness pressing her down- trapping her- only she didn't feel trapped she didn't she didn't this was the right choice to make and she made it-)

(Sera up in heaven, hesitating hesitating, all hosts of heaven's divine armies and powers at her command and her little sister down in hell, playing hostage with herself for the lives of sinners-)

(it was all Emily could do and she was GLAD to do it, but)

(maybe creation thinks she wrong for it- fine, let her be wrong like Vaggie was wrong like Charlie could NEVER be wrong- maybe there's a price and a pence for a seraphim who strays too far from heaven's light- even Lucifer hadn't LEFT. even Lucifer had just been caged...)

the black marks on Charlie's cheeks look like tear tracks as she listens, and Emily can't look at them as she wipes them all away. she can't look and still keep smiling

Behind them, Vaggie sighs.

"Emily."

and it's a stiffening in the shoulders at hearing her own name because Vaggie is pragmatic and practical and a realist and she wants things to work as best they can so she faces the flaws in them head on- hopeful words and songs dredged up only when Charlie and now also Emily needs them- but even then she doesn't pretend hell is all rainbows or heaven is full of mercy, and whatever she says next Emily maybe doesn't want to hear and maybe has been holding her breath for without knowing it, desperate to at least know and breathe out-

"Your wings," Vaggie says, running a hand over the tip of one "Do you know how to preen them?"

Emily blinks.

(she has a lot of eyes to blink with, so it takes moment)

"...preen... them?"

she says the word like she's never used it before- and she HAS, actually, just not- never in a sentence about wings, specifically

Vaggie tugs gently at one wing, tickles the back of Emily's neck with pulled free feather- one of the long ones- as Emily turns to stare at her and Charlie leans in further to crane around goggle at those six seraphim wings

"Preening." Vaggie has a small smile on, a little dry, mostly soft. "It's not really a thing up in Heaven, right? We- the Exorcists only did it right after Extermination day, to get ride of the blood and stuff, settle all the feather's that flying round in Hell had ruffled."

"ONCE a year?" Charlie, sounding a little stuffy, but mostly now just shocked. "We clean yours twice a DAY or else you start getting twitchy about it! Dad spends half of every EVENING fixing his!"

Emily sitting up between them, heart thumping- "Wing cleaning? I didn't, is that normal?"

"Down here it is." A shrug, Vaggie's own wings spilling down her back in example. "Hell doesn't play nice with an angel's wings."

"So- so mine, are they-"

"They're fine. A mess sure- but yeah, they're fine."

There's so many feathers on the floor just from Vaggie's light and tender touches of inspection and Emily still can't get the lump out of her throat-

Emily letting go of Charlie to pick up one of those lost feathers, and NOW her hand is shaking.

"Are you sure? They, it's like they're falling apart..."

"Molting!" Charlie scoops up some feathers too, hugs them to her chest and flops over backwards, bonelessly. "You're just molting... unholy FUCK."

Charlie pressing the feathers to her face to muffle something that might be a scream or a laugh.

Vaggie patting her hell princess girlfriend's lashing tail- "I freaked out about molting the first time too, remember babe?" - "I THOUGHT THAT WAS BECAUSE OF ONLY JUST HAVING GOTTEN THE WINGS BACK AND TRIGGERED TRAUMA AND- UGGHGHGHGHG!" - Vaggie chuckling, smiling as Emily runs a finger tip over the frayed edges of her own lost feather, scooting in and draping herself and her own wings over the other angel as the shakes get bigger, as Emily finally lets out a slow, shivering breath

a small whisper, into the side of Vaggie's hair, bending under the weight and snugged in Vaggie's arms circling secure around her waist "I'll be able to fly again? Once this, the molting is over?"

"You'll fly," a squeeze and the first tears squeezing out in answer, "We're gonna have to start preening all of them too-"

"Which we WILL have time for!"

Charlie swinging upright, eyes blazing, arms scooping both angels close.

"I don't care if the damn hotel catches on fire AGAIN- wing care first, catch up on everything else LATER!"

it's around now Emily tries to giggle and maybe lets out a sob instead. Charlie kisses her damn bangs, Vaggie nuzzles her wet cheek

"We'll imp some of my flight feathers to yours for now, okay? Get you in the air again tonight, get the wind in your feathers, at least just a little. You'll feel better after a bit of swoop swoop time."

"I- Imping...?"

"Pull off mine, stick 'em on you."

"Wha- but what about- you?"

"I'm due for a molt anyway, don't worry. A few days more without flying is nothing after three years-"

"Vaggie."

(Charlie, chiming in lovingly and KNOWINGLY)

(Vagige's eye roll and full bodied sighhhhh making Emily giggle for real this time) "Fiiiiinee sweetie, I meant that I'll be happier seeing her in the air again, more than I would being up there myself right now. Happy?"

(Charlie smug, Charlie melting, Charlie smooching Vaggie's bangs too) "Very. VERY happy~"

"Me too."

(Emily grinning to herself inside her snuggle chaggie sandwich of hugs) "You two sure know how to make Hell a happy place, don't you?"

"Charlie has a whole song about it." Vaggie points out, and it's all three of them shaking together, laughing, after all the dramatic and permanent pains they've faced- here's ONE that turns out to be simple, something fixed with a slight change in schedule plus a few freely given feathers

and isn't that nice, for a change

#hazbin hotel #emily hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #vaggie #chaggily #emily's in gay hell au #hmmm angst but it's okay #i can't really hurt them #their lives are gonna be sucky enough bc of everything else so #*wraps them in blanky*#there #perfect

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zombeebunnie · 8 days

Text

Trembling Essence:💙Script progress + Updates💙

Hello and welcome new followers, long time no see! I was very busy most of this month, but I am back and ready to continue from where I left off on the game! This game development post might be a bit long but I tried to condense everything! :]

"How are things going so far?":

It's going slow and steady! I haven't been able to do too much these past few weeks, however, I wrote a few parts out before I got too busy and couldn't do anything else.

I want to be very careful when it comes to spoilers but, based on your choices, some of these areas will give off immersive cozy/homelike vibes that really express Noah and the player(Y/N)'s view towards each other. In the old 2023 script I was very new to writing so the small semi-hints of romance weren't the entire focus compared to the horror aspect but there's a better balance between both genres now and I'm still aiming for a meaningful slow burn versus it just being all over the place. :] I liked writing them a whole bunch which lead to a lot of these taking place in the mid/end of Day 4+, they just need to be placed in specific areas that call for it. With that being said, it felt really comfy adding key details about Noah and creating meaningful sections in the game. I was even going to draw out some of the unseen script/scenes but I believe the best thing to do is give deeper lore from the [Extended Demo] first. Even though my writing style has improved I still have to fix the multiple pacing issues I wrote last year.

"Playtester's advice":

I wanted to continue working through Noah's backstory but I kept having moments where I'd get sidetracked into wanting to fix up the start of the game again. Eventually, I talked to my play testers about it and they gave me a few encouraging pointers.

To help keep my process at ease, I will fix the beginning of the game when I take breaks from writing up Noah's backstory. :]

I talked about this during early 2024 but the start of the game that leads up to the cabin is still getting reworked. I was able to get some of it fixed for the [Extended Demo] but I wasn't done. Things are still up in the air but, I will say that I have a better view of everything than I did before. :] Another priority that needs fixing are the backgrounds! I've improved a lot on drawing and they need to be optimized. When you first start up the game, you wake up in a holed out tree in the swamp with the choice to leave this area and possibly end up in the forest. I was going for a very immersive form of symbolism that only a few noticed but, I believe I can do a better job about this. Unfortunately I don't have any new backgrounds to show right now but maybe next week I'll have some finished up! :]

"Art process/Noah's sprite sheets":

As far as Noah sprite sheet goes, it's still in sketch mode.

I didn't draw anything since I was gone so I need to do a few warm ups before I get to them. There are some old drawing prompts I wrote down and old sketches that I never got a chance to doodle so hopefully I can get to them at some point with some attached lore. :,]

My Q&A / Ask box has been reset!

Thank you to those who have sent in asks in the past, unfortunately they all disappeared except for 1 while I was gone. I have no idea what happened but I can only guess it just got reset.

If you have any questions about Trembling Essence/Noah feel free to ask or resend them in here please. This makes it easier for me to see and answer accordingly! I would really like to hear from you guys!

This is all I have to share so far, Thank you to everyone for the continued support and patience while I was gone! I was ready to accept the interest for this game to fade out and coming back to see that it didn't happen makes me happy, I really appreciate it. :,]

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ntrlily · 2 months

Note

I have been considering getting into Linux but the only thing holding me back is game support really, as I'm primarily a PC gamer. How difficult would you say dual booting really is (as in, "how difficult is it to achieve" *and* "how difficult/quick is it to swap between OSes")? Does specific distro affect the difficulty? Do you think it would be worth it?

Also, what are your favorite or recommended distros? I've been told about a few mainly on fedi but haven't looked too far into many. Mint gets frequently recommended, for instance.

Thanks!

I have actually never dual booted before, so opening that up to anyone reading who has! I don't think it's more difficult with one distro compared to another, probably. It is fairly easy to set up as far as I'm aware, your install disc should have an option to set dual booting up for you, nothing too arcane. But anything past that, I don't know much about.

Personally vanilla Debian is my favorite but Ubuntu-based distros have the advantage of being the distros that Valve targets, like the build of Steam on their site is specifically built for those distros. You can get Steam running on other types of Linux though, but that is still an advantage for gaming stuff. (Among other things, it's not uncommon for "game with a Linux build" to really mean "game with an Ubuntu build")

Mint is Ubuntu-based, but the defaults for it are more user-friendly so imo it makes a good distro for gamers.

I personally consider it worth it, some of it is my personal philosophy and some of it is more basic practical stuff like Linux running faster, having better UI customization, not having all the bloat and adware that comes on a fresh install of Windows (although there are means to remove that bloat, of course)

Also not having to reboot and lock my computer to update, oh my god.

Extra notes for gaming, now that I have a Linux gaming setup to reference from:

The current thing I mainly have issues with is MMOs with client-side anti-cheat, some of them really don't want to play with Linux compatibility tools. There are people who have gone to efforts to get these running on Linux but it's a pain in the ass and I don't care enough to do that.

Proton GE can be really helpful for some games. I run most of my games through vanilla wine, but I did end up needing GE to run FF7R. If you're not already a Linux user with Existing Ways You Do Things, just running things through Steam+Proton is generally going to work out just fine for you. You can play pirated Windows games this way too, just add them as non-Steam games and run them through Steam.

If you have very recent hardware, and are going with Mint or another Ubuntu-based distro, go for the edge edition. The old kernel on the standard edition can be kinda finicky with brand new hardware.

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autumnmobile12 · 2 months

Text

Ghost Hunt x My Hero Academia Crossover

So I've wanted to explore the concept of Mai Taniyama's abilities in Ghost Hunt as as Quirk in My Hero Academia for awhile now because, frankly, she has the groundwork for an interesting one: Through clairvoyant dreams, Mai has the ability to witness past events, communicate with the dreams of other people, and even pass along small objects in dreams. She's also incredibly intuitive and has been able to rely on gut feelings in past investigations. (This last one may or may not be a Quirk thing.)

There's a few applications here. Firstly, the retrocognition would be a useful Quirk since it's primary function in Ghost Hunt's canon is showing Mai exactly how a person died. In the My Hero 'verse, this would allow her to determine if an unnatural death was accidental or a homicide, and in a missing person case, the astral projection side of her abilities can allow her to locate victims and determine what condition they're in and maybe find where they are.

The major drawback to this ability, though, is it would be a hellish Quirk to cope with as the way her dreams work, she is often compelled to relive the death as though it were hers. Not exactly the key to a healthy state of mind experiencing the last thoughts and feelings of a person who's died, and possibly violently at that.

...

Realistically, not the flashiest of powers, so she would definitely be on the more obscure side of the Pro-Hero popularity spectrum, probably somebody only Deku has heard about with any real know-how on who she is and what she can do. For comparative purposes, her career path would align closer with Aizawa's in that she can't rely on her Quirk to fight and therefore has to resort to alternative methods to handle a crisis. Abilities speaking, she's definitely geared more toward reconnaissance, stealth, and investigation, which is how she operates in Ghost Hunt anyway and why I went with a darker color scheme for her costume.

I want to incorporate her Nine Cuts somehow, but I haven't settled on a way to do that quite yet.

The name Epimetheia comes from the Greek Titan Epimetheus. I could have gone with some feminine form of Morpheus, the god of dreams, but I really think Mai's retrocognition is the core trait the of her power. Epimetheus is the titan god of hindsight. He 'knew all that came before.'

...

As always for Ghost Hunt, I tend to write Mai as a young adult, so she is not a student in this. Actually, for this crossover, she is much older than the main cast. She's in her twenties in the fanart shown here, but this is decades before the actual timeline.

And with that, here's a brief, un-edited snippet of something I've been playing with:

...

“We’ve actually met once before,” Hawks said abruptly.

“Have we?” Taniyama turned to him, confused. Her expression brightened somehow and the tired, hollowness of her eyes was gone.

“Yep. I was just a little kid then, so I don’t blame you for not remembering.” It was so long ago that he barely remembered it. “It was at the zoo. I’d heard they were letting kids in for free that day, so I found a chance to get away from my mom and headed out. I always wanted to see a real elephant.”

Her lips curled into a warm smile. “And did you?”

“Sure did.” He bobbed his head in brief nod. “I was standing in front of their enclosure and someone knocked into me with a stroller or something and I dropped my plushie. As I was trying to get it back, all these people kept kicking it out of the way or stepping on it. And then it landed by your feet and you picked it up.”

Taniyama was silent.

“I remember you crouched down to give it back to me and you had the biggest smile on your face. You asked if it was mine. Thing is, though…I think you noticed how dirty I was. You asked if I was okay and where my mom was. You even asked if you could buy me a pair of shoes.” He hadn’t let her. If he’d returned home with a brand new pair of shoes instead of the secondhand ones that were falling apart, his dad would have beaten him and demanded to know where he’d gotten them. Or he would have taken and pawned them for cash the first chance he got. Or both. But the hero Epimetheia must’ve suspected that much when he kept refusing her offers to help him with his silence and his nervous shaking head. “And then your smile became sad and you asked me…

“Do you need help?”

“You were so warm and kind, and I'm sad to say I think that scared me a bit. I wasn't used to that from adults and so I ran away. But even after the Commission took me in, I hoped I would see you again.” He turned to face her and was horrified to see her eyes running with tears. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Shit, I made an old woman cry! She’s not that old, but I made her cry!

Taniyama placed a scarred hand over her mouth. “All these years, I wondered what happened to that little boy I saw at the zoo.”

...

#my hero academia #ghost hunt #crossover #mai taniyama #hawks #keigo takami #crossover fanart #fanfiction #drabble #character design

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scooobies · 1 month

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I'm a year clean and sober today. It's a weird feeling because not a moment has gone by that I haven't wanted to relapse or have a drink. But that girl feels so foreign compared to the woman I am now. The way I move through life the relationships I have the things I love have all shifted and changed.

I've said this a thousand times over but Nesta is so incredibly intertwined in that. Her book saved me.

I have had substance-abuse issues since I was 12 years old. I didn't have an education past sixth grade. I tried to get sober over and over again but never got more than a couple of days if that. Withdrawals are a bitch. I've overdosed more times than I can count I've looked death in the face and somehow survived. I've lost so many friends to the same addictions and wonder why it was me that got to make it out. I've spent a good portion of my life either in jail or in a hospital.

A year and a half ago was the worst overdose by far. I was found by chance practically dead. It was the closest call I have had. But unfortunately it wasn't what sparked that need to get sober. I was bedridden for a long time because of it. Had lots of surgeries and therapy for my body and my mind. And even though I was still abusing substances, I knew I needed to change my routine.

Other than fanfiction I was never really a reader. The hunger games series was the only set of books I ever opened without a gun to my head. A friend of mine one of the few that I would use with thats still around and is a piece of light in my life decided we needed hobbies that didn't involve a bottle of vodka and enough drugs to kill an elephant. I said that we should start a sober book club. I told her that I had been hearing about a series called acotar and that it was really popular. So we bought the books and the audiobooks to match and she read the books and I didn't. But she fell in love with it so deeply and never stopped hounding me about it that I finally gave in.

The world was so beautiful and some thing we all clearly fell in love with. A world that was so enveloping it was so easy to fall into. Maladaptive daydreaming or not it got me out of my head it was some thing that I was craving for once that wasn't harmful. And there was some thing about Nesta that pissed me off....but I liked it. She was cold and she was a bitch and she didn't give a fuck about anyone's feelings she said what everyone was thinking not necessarily in a way that was easy to take... but honest nonetheless. And then I got to silver flames.

My heart shattered for Nesta and I couldn't figure out why it was affecting me so much. And my therapist pointed out that our trauma presents in the same way. That our patterns of self deprecation and self harm were eerily similar. That our trauma wasn't palatable in the way that it was displayed which made it hard for people to empathize and help. That even if we got help we would reject it. That we both made so many mistakes and cannot change the fact that we have hurt the people around us. But that we are still humans (well one of us) who deserve love who deserve healing and cannot change what we've done and the hurt that we've caused but can decide that it will not happen again.

My body will never be the same. I'll never walk quite right I'm losing my hearing more and more every year and eventually I will be deaf. My hands are basically paralyzed and in constant pain. My memory is horrible and it seems that I can only recall the things that cause me pain a lot of the time. Half of my face is paralyzed. And my vision is severely affected. And I will never be able to speak properly again. I have had every reason to give in. I have had every reason to give up. But, I am the rock against which the surf crashes, nothing can break me. I owe nesta everything.

Celebrating life 🤍 sorry for the trauma dump

#ACOTAR #nesta is so precious to me #nesta #nesta archeron #a court of silver flames #acosf #nesta acosf #sobriety #sober #soberlife #clean and sober #one year sober #one year clean #pro nesta

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ro-rogue · 18 days

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-- some small spoilers up ahead for mha -- it is so interesting to me that uno often gets compared to mha by people who haven't read uno. because when you actually think about it, they really are eerily similar, despite many uno fans denying it.

at first glance: in uno, the main theme is "the government is evil and should be stopped at all costs". in mha, it's "well yeah the government isn't exactly good, but the villains are definitely worse".

and then you dig deeper.

in uno, the authorities are criticized because they do absolutely horrible things to people in the name of keeping the peace. they've lost the plot, gone too far, and what is, in theory, a very logical system (the royals) has devolved into systemic oppression. (i've read a really good commentary on here that explained why the royals are actually kinda necessary in a school like wellston, but i can't find it now, so if you've found it, pls lmk.) violence is constantly criticized. when john went joker, it wasn't glorified, like it would've been in so much of contemporary media. resistance and revolution are definitely advocated for, but violence never is.

(slight spoiler ?) the recent manga chapters of mha reveal a theme that has been pretty central for a while now: criticism of authority figures and their abuse of power. the lov is humanized, their actions are explained, they are clearly their own heroes. it's people like overhaul, like afo, who are really evil: people in positions of power who hurt those below them.

not to mention (SPOILER) hawks losing his wings. i didn't like it when i first read it, but looking back, it was the only possible ending for him. keigo had been used his entire life by the (evil) government because of his quirk, and now he's finally free. they don't have a use for him anymore. him losing his wings, ironically, set him free. (know of another character being used by an evil government because of their power?)

in uno, violence is very clearly posed as a bad thing and people in positions of power hurt those below them. in mha, violence and its glorification (hero society) is frequently criticized and the real villains are those in positions of power who hurt those below them.

also: in mha, lady nagant was a (one of presumably multiple) assassin for the government, cleaning up those who the authorities felt disrupted the current order too much. sounds familiar?

and then you have the protagonists. izuku and john both grew up powerless and then suddenly got one of the strongest powers in their society just before starting highschool, though at first, they weren't very good at using it. they both seem capable of using multiple powers, but technically it's just one really op power. i would like to claim that they both kept a really important secret about that power from their close friends for a while, but izuku told katsuki that he had a borrowed power literally weeks after he'd gotten it, so. props to john though.

there is another fun similarity between them, though. both are introduced as pretty non-violent people (rip pre-joker john, your miserable existence is missed dearly), and both go absolutely feral when their best friend ("best friend") gets hurt.

(it's also fun to mention that both izuku and john are Going Through It in the current arc.)

now, of course, a fundamental differnce between john and izuku is that izuku is fundamentally a good person who cares for people, and john,,, doesn't. it's not that he doesn't care about anyone; he just doesn't care all that much about people he doesn't really know. izuku wants to save everyone. john wants his loved ones to not be hurt. that doesn't mean he wants others to be hurt, but it will take more for him to want to save someone than just seeing them suffering. interestingly enough, it's pre-joker john who was the biggest advocate for cripple equality, while izuku has never been shown to do anything similar for the quirkless. also, izuku never went middle-school-katsuki when he finally got a handle on ofa.

but in the end, these visual-medium stories are remarkably similar and comparing them actually yields significant insights into both of these stories. comparisons should therefore not be avoided, but instead encouraged and expanded upon.

#god those last two sentences. i have been writing too many essays #anyways yeah i didn't mention the whole heroes/vigilantes thing bc that kinda speaks for itself #idk. does this make sense? it just seemed funny to me #unordinary #uno #mha

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bethanythebogwitch · 7 months

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I've been going over my thoughts on all the aquatic Digimon. Previous posts here: all fish, all mermaids, and aquatics part 1. Since I've gone over the aquatics with a default evolution line, today I'll just go over all rookie/child, champion/adult, and armor level mons that I haven't already discussed.

I will say that my previous post's analogy on how Digimon evolution works was not at all helpful, so I'll try again. Digimon evolution is branched, where each stage has multiple possible next stages that do not necessarily need to have a thematic connection to prior stages. Stages are not mutually exclusive and separate Digimon can evolve into the same thing. Digimon can also evolve backwards and not to the same thing they started as. For example, an Agumon (little dinosaur) can evolve into Centaurumon (centaur), then evolved back down to a Patamon (winged hamster). The animes usually simplify things from the games and virtual pets by giving their Digimon characters much more linear and thematically consistent evolution lines. I may do an intro to Digimon post some day.

Starting with rookie/child levels we have an old mon that hasn't been used much: Gizamon. It's been around for a long time, but rarely gets any attention and as far as I can tell, has never gotten a spotlight, even as a monster of the week. That's too bad, it's a neat little critter. It's a marine mammal, but has the body shape and jumping ability of a frog.

Next up is Crabmon (Ganimon in Japanese). People compare Pokemon and Digimon a lot, but one comparison I haven't seen is that they both made a monster that's literally just a crab. Crabmon and Kingler are both fiddler crabs too, with one much bigger claw. I like it and there are a few crustaceans of higher level that I think could be a good pre-evo for. Crabmon also has a x-antibody variant.

Crabmon

Crabmon X

The last of this level is Sangomon, a very new Digimon. I love it so much, it's a little staghorn coral monster with polyps for arms. It's so cute and such a creative way of making coral as a monster. I wish it has a full through-like of coral reef evolutions. If I had to pick any of the rookie/child Digimon form this series as a partner, it honestly might be this one.

Moving onto the champion/adult level is Ebidramon. Ebi means shrimp and dramon indicates that the Digimon is draconic, so it's a shrimp dragon. It clearly isn't fond of shrimp being used as a synonym for tiny as it will attack those who make fun of it.

Next is Gesomon, which clearly takes ofter humboldt squids as its very violent and scary. It attacks those who enter its territory, but won't bother those outside of it. It's also very intelligent and cunning, which is very appropriate for a squid. I really like Gesomon, I think it's a great choice for an evil aquatic line. Gesomon has an x-antibody variant which is incredibly ugly and not in a good way. Its ugly in an "I don't want to look at this any more" way.

Gesomon

Gesomon X

The last aquation at this level is the excellent Octomon. I don't like any of the octopus Pkemon very much and Digimon deliverd for me. It's a kleptomanian who wears a pot for a head much like how a coconut octopus lives inside coconuts and other hard objects. The crown came from a sunked treasure chest and that gun squirts ink. Weirdly enough, the little gold barnacles on it are identified as another Digimon called Fujitsumon and Octomon's reference book entry is the only place Fujitsumon has ever been mentioned.

Next up is the armor level, which lies outside the normal evolution levels. It was introduces fro the anime Digimon Adventure 02 and outside of media related to that show, armor Digimon are often treated as being synonymous to the champion/adult level.

First is Archelomon, a sea turtle with knives for flippers. Digimon has had much more ridiculous designs, but for some reason this one seems over the top for me.

Next is Depthmon, who absolutely should have been in the mermaid post but I forgot about it. I really like this guy, a merman wearing a diving suit. The suit lets it dive way deeper into the ocean than most Digimon because it can endure incredibly high pressure. Armor Digimon are the result of a Digimon evolving with an object called a Digimental that represents some virtue like courage. The anime only used a few combinations and a lot of the official armor Digimon are the result of filling out the other matches. For example, in the show, Veemon/V-Mon used the Digimentals of courage and friendship to become Flamedramon and Raidramon respectively. Depthmon is one of the unseen combinations, Veemon plus the Digimental of sincerity (reliability in the dub). The unseen combinations don't get nearly as much attention as the ones that did appear in the anime, which is a shame because some of them, like Depthmon, are pretty cool.

Next is Orcamon and I absolutely love this goofy beast. An Orca life guard is such an exceptionally silly concept executed quite well. It actively rescues other Digimon that are lost at sea. Orcamon seems like a good friend. What's even better is that it was designed by a fan as part of a contest. That fan has some great ideas.

Next is Submarimon, which I probably could have justified in the fish post. Its a fish-shaped submarine of course, but that harpoon nose also makes me think of sawfish. This is one of the armor Digimon that appeared in the anime where it was a bit underutilized due to being strictly aquatic. Fortunately the writers seem to have agreed because it got to appear in some of the other anime seasons as an ally.

Finally we have Tylomon, which is a tyloaurus, a type of prehistoric marine reptile. I like marine reptiles like mosasaurs, so Tylomon is pretty cool to me. It also has an x-antibody variant which is a classic overdesigned form. It's kind of weird that some of the more obscure armor Digimon got x-antibody forms befrore the ones that showed up in the anime, but I'm all for more obscure mons getting more attention.

Tylomon

Tylomon X

That's it for today. Next post will finish up the aquatic Digimon with the ultimate/perfect and mega/ultimate levels

#digimon #aquatic #aquatic animals #gizamon #crabmon #ganimon #sangomon #ebidramon #gesomon #octomon #archelomon #depthmon #orcamon #submarimon #tylomon

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manofthepipis · 8 months

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Howdy mo! Kind of a silly question but do you have any personal headcannons based on the addisons/spam?

aaaaa hi!! :D not a silly question at all!! i actually do have a couple i've had in my notes as i've thought about them, most i've thought about while writing but haven't had anywhere to put them lmao

I say it's a little but it's a lot i lied haha

-banner does all different types of clothing and he even knits sweaters. he got survey into it one night while they were talking. (my personal headcanon is that banner is the one that talked to survey to give up their search for spamton, as clicks and sponsor never talked about it.)

-Sponsor sells pretty much everything due to them being a sponsor-ad. their advertising comes in many different forms, like items relating to lightners' searches. They are the most adaptable out of the group, and always carry a variety of random items to sell.

-Addisons have computerized inventories. Like a pop-up storage space. They use this for business and advertising primarily and carry handheld devices outside of the inventory. Spamton's has been broken for years and doesn't work properly, and whenever he tries to summon it, it will glitch and leaves the ground littered with a bounty of [pipis]. Because of this, he lugs around what he can in his pockets or garbage bags (say like his shop inventory with broken swords, potion bottles, etc). At one point he could do two things at once and carried items in his pillowcase as he moved from dumpster to dumpster. Still, purses and bags are fashionable, so sometimes an addison will carry one.

-speaking of that, spamton's addison abilities don't work anymore, but some are salvaged through neo (summoning white letter projectiles, the white light that can become a laser.) Some attempts he's made at pop-up ads haven't gone away and are still glitched up in the trash zone.

-During spamton's big shot days, the addisons were STEAMING in jealousy after what happened at the grille. Each one would do what they could to sabotage spamton's advertising when it would interfere with their own business, including tearing down posters, putting their own advertisement over things, the works. Clicks even went as far as to contact darkners that could help to block spamton's ads in the streets of cyber city, having billboards, links, etc as coming up blank. Strangely, they'd all turn back to normal the following morning, as if someone had reverted all of his progress. How strange indeed.

-Survey wasn't the only addison to look for spamton after he disappeared.

-It's rare to see an addison without their standard outfit, and to have spamton shun their appearance for better/flashier suits was a HUGE slap in the face for their darkner type's signature. As well as getting his hair dyed.

-Spamton's transformation took place over the course of a short time, and it wasn't his benefactor's intention to break him. He just was overloaded and mentally broke, and in an attempt to fix him, the man on the phone turned him into a puppet as his code got more and more out of control.

-Weather rarely occurs in cyber city, but when it does, it mainly freezes over. I headcanon spamton in this time would take abandoned clothes from the trash behind banner's storefront to stay warm. He'd learned to sew and patch clothing, but working with string is something he really has to mentally power through.

-Spamton learned to heal himself after the successful heist of the Keygen, because the swatchlings REALLY messed him up in their efforts to keep him out. This gives the other addisons the idea to make healing items of their own down the road, matching the items they sell, that could benefit the lightner, but nothing really compares to how effective spamton's healing is.

-Spamton doesn't sleep often now (sales could be at any moment!) but also because he sleepwalks. When he does, it's jarring to see, as he sleepwalks like a puppet being lazily made to move around. The addisons would find this immediately unnerving and try to calmly get him back to bed if they could.

-Spamton, because he doesn't have a predominant hue, can turn all colors, but it's an ability that, like many he has, is broken. Red is the only color that works reliably in tandem with his emotions (rage being the most constant emotion he feels), but the rest will come out of nowhere all at once at random.

-Spamton paid Queen to have his face and ads be in fireworks at one point.

-The addisons' businesses took a major hit during the early 2000's and they each got very competitive with eachother. Most resentment for Spamton came from this time, who knew his success was the direct result of driving them all apart. When Spamton disappeared, they started to heal from that aspect of their fallout.

-Spamton truly thought to go to the addisons after his world crashed and burned, but his priorities with Neo and with the light world proved more important. Besides, who knew if they'd even recognize him? As their names and memories were replaced by his ever-growing need for the light, the more he would find himself walking around the addisons street at night, and then wondering why he was even there.

-A customer naive enough to sample an addison's http cookies is just agreeing to be bombarded with a heap of said addison's advertisements around them as the customer taking the sample is just an invitation to get advertised to. (other addisons are exempt from this)

-by the time spam got his big break, he was so desperate for something to change in his life he would have snapped anyway if it hadn't happened. Dude was like constantly teetering on that line of 'I'm gonna lose my shit if I don't have one good day by tomorrow' lol

That's all I got for now!

#i've been writing to see if i can fit some of these in but alas the chance hasn't come up.#Omg if you have any headcanons i'd love to hear them #i love talking about these guys #i rewrote a lot of the next chapter and then i fell accidentally into another hyperfixation but like i hope to upload in the next few days #hehehe #fanfic #asks

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izicodes · 1 year

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do you have any advice for someone who kinda "failed" to break into tech and is still in the medium-level for learning. i feel like i've spent so much time (years) on this but haven't made much progress. how do i really get into it and stay in it? love your blog btw. i'm tempted to start one of my own but my projects are a mess and ugly 😭

I'm sorry to hear that you feel like you haven't made much progress in breaking into tech. It's important to remember that everyone's journey is different, and it's never too late to start or improve. But then again, you have spent years learning and you want to into the tech industry.

The obvious advice would be don't give up. My dad has been studying to get into Cybersecurity since the early 90s and he just got into the industry this year. He never gave up - family to look after and he could study like the other students in his university course because the large majority of them were single 18-22-year-olds who their only responsibility is themselves. Don't give up and don't compare yourself to other people.

You've got to look at what has been holding you back. Health issues, work issues, money? Can't study full-time or even part-time if you need to pay the bills.

Even if you can, are you consistent with your studying? We all know consistency is key. Studying for one week but don't study for 2-3 weeks won't work. I know the type of learner I am - if I don't code or study every day, even just for 30 minutes, then my tendency to procrastinate will increase a lot and it'll all go downhill from there.

Know your strength - build on the skills you are good at. Believe it or not, I know a developer I met in a discord server who only uses HTML, CSS, and JavaScript to build websites and webpage themes for clients as a freelancer and he's doing really well. It's because he realised that he's really good at those three basic languages and he worked really hard to excel at them. Expand on what you know best.

On the flip side, you could look at job postings around where you live or nationally in your country and see what skills/languages/technologies they ask for the most for hiring developers. Example: I live in the UK and a couple of months ago when I was actively looking for a new Frontend Dev job, I saw that Vue.js, React.js, and PHP (besides the usual HTML, CSS, and JavaScript) were asked for the most. If I wanted those jobs, I would learn those technologies, create a few projects to showcase my knowledge in them, and start applying. That could be one way to break into the industry.

Another way would be certificated. Bootcamps, online courses, or in-person courses like university or community colleges. Yes, they say that you don't always need a university degree to get into tech but some kind of education you've gone through that is tech-related e.g. Google courses or the Frontend Dev course that Meta is providing (paid). My colleague completed a computer science degree but he then did a bootcamp and he completed and that's how he landed the job where I work. So even graduates are getting further education. If you can't afford the massive fees, Udemy is a great place to get courses. And don't be shy with the Havard CS50 course videos they have on YouTube - free and you get a certificate free as well!

The advice I give might not work if you haven't identified why after all these years you haven't gotten your foot into the tech industry. This is no way intended to be rude, but if another person who had the same amount of time you studied, and they have gotten a tech job in that time, what makes you different? Goes back to what I said about the things that are holding you back. Some of the reasons are inevitable like health but you need to keep making that effort!

If you need help, you need to ask. Find a mentor or support group. Having someone to guide and encourage you can be incredibly helpful. Look for a mentor or join a support group where you can connect with others who are also learning and growing in tech. You can search for them online, some people offer advice for CV/Resume help or real "getting into tech" advice on places like Fiverr or Upwork or just google for some consultants online. They would cost obviously but if you're really struggling, this might help. After completing bootcamps, they tend to help you get your first job etc so they might be worth considering!

The last bit of advice is do you have a portfolio? No no, like a proper one where you feel confident enough to give to family members, friends, and potential employers? No? Either learn to build one (free of charge) or hire someone to build it for you (costs money) A portfolio is a great way to showcase your skills and projects to potential employers. Even if your projects feel messy or ugly, focus on highlighting what you learned and what you accomplished.

Obviously, I gave hints of advice more towards Frontend Dev because that's what I know more of but you can alter the advice to whatever niche in programming you're into. Remember, breaking into any field takes time and effort. Stay motivated and focused on your goals, and don't be afraid to reach out for help or support when you need it. Good luck!

** I'm not the best at giving advice but I hope this helps 💗

#my asks #programming #coding #studying #progblr #codeblr #studyblr #comp sci #tech industry #coding advice #motivation #study motivation #study help #programmer #computer science #tech advice #career #career advice

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mountainmaven · 8 months

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Brain dump - long (sorry)

This past week has been surreal. The flood up here has thrown me for a loop. I am better today but it's still settling in and I'm still processing. I've been through hurricanes before - I lived in FL for almost 20 of my adult years, and I experienced Hurricane David in my youth. That this was "only" a tropical storm, and the damage it caused on our mountain is just mind blowing. I know too that this devastation is literally nothing compared to say Maui for example or other countries completely obliterated by typhoons or other hurricanes. But it's still a devastation nonetheless. The entire mountain, and all the recreation areas are closed until further notice.

There are 2 roads that go up and down the mountain, one on each "side" of the mountain, and then a 21.5 mile road that connects them. On our side of the mountain are 4 neighborhoods, 3 of which got hit far harder than we did. They have roads that are absolutely completely gone. Houses were damaged (though all are still standing for now), cars were lost to flooding. Our little library was badly damaged, as was the school. I hear that the fire department was destroyed. The school is currently being "held up" by giant boulders that they brought in in hopes that it won't just fall into the ravine.(that's all we have up here. a fire department, the library and an elementary school - plus the hotel that is a little further down the mountain and they're fine thank goodness). Our road was badly damaged and yet now that I've seen with my own eyes the damages, that road damage is minor compared to what just one of the other neighborhoods experienced. The neighborhoods on the other side of the mountain - I don't know how bad they were hit, though they are all off grid so no public services were affected that I'm aware of.

The energy company did an outstanding job of getting power back to everyone quickly - I think everyone's power was restored in around 72 hours (they did it by neighborhood). That included having to replace fallen poles, and lines. The water company also did a good job of addressing the damage and giving people water until they can fix it. I'm not sure if the other neighborhoods have running water yet. We do, we never lost it, but we did have a boil order in affect that was lifted Saturday night. One of the things each of them had to deal with was dirt. They either had to remove so much dirt to get to where they needed to be to make repairs, or they had to add enough dirt so they could access where they needed to make repairs. They really were on it though.

The ski lodge on the other side of the mountain also sustained significant damages, not sure if they'll be open for the season this year -but if the roads aren't fixed in time it won't matter anyway.

We are currently restricted to using the road up and down the mountain only when absolutely necessary (and they'd prefer we do it before 7 am and/or after 5 pm), and we have to show proof of residency to get back up. (I'm fine with both of those things, inconvenient, yes. And while I would like a little more freedom to come and go, it's okay).

I hear chainsaws all day now, and have for the last week. They're cutting up trees that had fallen, but they are also felling other trees. My guess is because they're going to move the electric poles further in, away from the road. All of our ravines, washes, dry river beds weren't enough for all the water that was coming down the mountain. Almost all of them are 2-4 times wider than they were before. Our springs (we have tons of natural springs in our mountain range) are overflowing and will probably do that off and on for a while.

So far the wildlife seem to be okay - we've seen deer, and the wild horses so they're' fine. Though I just now realized I haven't heard any foxes at night since the storm so they may have moved to a safer location. And the burros further down the mountain are okay too.

One of the things we love about living up here is how removed we feel from the valley. But in times like this it makes it harder. Not just because of the isolation and reduced ability to go down to the valley, but the dismissal we feel from others. They don't understand what it's like up here, they diminish the effects the storm had on us (because they hardly got any storm), and all they're worried about is when they they come up and hike, or if the ski lodge will be open. The lack of compassion for humanity and people's lives and homes is kind of unsettling. So on one hand we love that we're often not included when people talk about the valley, but on the other hand times like this it would be nice to be thought of lol.

I had a therapy session yesterday that helped a bit. But now I'm worried about the possibility of having to travel to FL to help my brother out with my dad, but they're having an "above normal" hurricane season and I'm just not sure my mental health can take it. We're going to call my brother this weekend to discuss things.

#personal #about me #mountain living #mountain life #natural disasters #flood #tropical storm #hurricane

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reflections-in-a-critical-eye · 8 months

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I've had this moment of realization some weeks ago, after I watched Red, White & Royal Blue. I even wrote a bit here and I focused on the genre, on chemistry, the film as an adaption. And then I stumbled on some review or think piece which had its central thesis based on the fact that this film is just another US/Royal imperialist propaganda, wrapped up nicely as a rom-com. And I was dumbfounded because why didn't that thought cross my mind instantly? Of course the ideological frame of analysis is but one, but it's still important. Me from a few years ago would know it. Me from today had to read it someplace else. Around that same time, I saw a teaser for an experimental film on Mubi in which the narrator talked about physical and imaginary borders. And again that terminology made me think of the times in which I could so easily talk about and use concepts related to borders, displacement, belonging, otherness, imperialism/colonialism, all critical paradigms that have now left my vocabulary.

Of course that as years went by, my research focus had shifted as I worked more and more in the area of gender identity (especially women in cinema) and then forms of masculinity (because of Jimin, which is something I haven't told before). And that led to becoming familiar with another set of concepts and adopting a terminology which I had to chance to use it in my posts here on tumblr a lot more than in my academic research in the past 3-4 years.

But what I wanted to say was that when I realized I was blind to the ideology in some Hollywood movie, I felt stupid. I felt like I regressed so much, compared to 22-23 year old me who could so easily juggle with those notions. Where has it gone? Did it disappear completely? Maybe not. I can bring that side of my brain back to life if I only go through some articles briefly. But it doesn't take away the fact that I had lived that moment of realization.

And now that I have distanced myself from the "institution", what's left? Will all my knowledge be stored in some part of my brain and I will forget about it as I move on and do other stuff? Why do I consider that specific type of knowledge as the only smart and relevant component?

And what about fatigue and apathy? And what about those concepts and ideas which belonged to people who no longer have a place, but their presence still lingers because I have assimilated their ideas? Years later and I still believe and use words and concepts that were not initially mine, but I can't get rid of them because I made them mine in the process?

There's always been this inner conflict as to what's the purpose of research. I don't know which is my voice and which is the other one with more power and influence. Do I think that having my name published is the ultimate purpose? I used to (I was being told), but when it happened, I felt no joy. I felt more relieved that it was finally over after months and years of work.

But then I stay up for days and I do stuff on my own and I finally write essays with no outside pressure and I come and post them here. And in those moments I'm happy. I'm also happy not for the likes and reblogs, but when I see other people commenting or sending asks in which they share their thoughts. And no one knows who I am and I don't get any recognition and none if it goes into some portfolio. And I'm happy. And then I get reminded that I was told about the democratization of research as well, of how it should reach more people, instead of getting locked up behind paywalls and that sharing the knowledge is the most important thing. And I believed it 10 years ago and I believe it now. And then I have to be confronted with the fact that such type of writing doesn't really have a place in a fandom that places a lot more stock on other type of participation.

Contradictory ideas coming from the same source which are fighting in my brain. And are part of me, whether I like it or not.

#m thoughts #personal #academia

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takoyakimidora · 6 months

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I turned 26 this October, and as part of my birthday tradition, I like to take a moment to reflect on my life, which can be a bit stressful.

Honestly, I can't be the only one doing this, can I? While I do want to stay positive and appreciate another year of life, I often find myself comparing my life to others my age who seem to have achieved more success. It's hard not to feel like I haven't made much progress in the past five years; in fact, sometimes, it feels like I might have gone backward.

You know what I mean? At 26, I'm still not entirely sure if the career path I'm on is the one I want to commit to for my entire working life. I'm lacking that burning passion, and I can't even pinpoint a specific career direction that genuinely excites me. I'm not even sure if I'm particularly good at anything. To make matters worse, I strongly feel that my boss doesn't like me, and my work environment isn't the healthiest. If it weren't for my family and some relatives who depend on me financially, I'd probably have walked away from this job already. I just can't afford to lose my job right now, which leaves me with no choice but to put up with some less-than-ideal situations. I envy those who can leave a bad job when they want.

Perhaps things would feel lighter if I had someone in my life to offer support as I navigate these challenges. Don't get me wrong; I have my family, but I rarely open up to them about what I'm really going through because everything I do is for their well-being, and I don't want them to feel like a burden. You know, sometimes, I wish there were someone out there willing to lend a shoulder when I need to let out a good cry, someone I can share all my dramas with instead of posting them on social media where no one really knows me personally. I'm not even always looking for advice; I just want someone to listen and to remind me that I'm not alone in this battle.

You know, if there's one thing I'm truly proud of myself for, despite all the challenges, it's that I haven't given up, and I don't plan to give up—ever. I always look forward to the day when I can look back at these posts and say, "Hey, I'm proud of myself. I've been through all that and look at me now, successful and content." I can't wait for the moment when I can treat myself and my loved ones without worrying about a thing.

For those of you going through similar experiences, life can be tough, but let's strive to be even tougher.

#blog #3am thoughts #3am things #long reads #reality #realization

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luxaryllis · 2 years

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Hi!!! I read your hetalia head canons and wanted to ask if i can see the dorm leader's reactions to a Russia!MC (imagine if they also somehow brought general winter w/them lol) thank you!!!

Hetalia!Russia!MC (and General Winter) with TWST Dorm Leaders

Note: YES, THE MAGIC METAL PIPE OF PAIN FIXES EVERYTHING!!!! I was looking for a chibi picture of Russia with the Magic Metal Pipe of Pain, but couldn't find one-

And omg, 3 people requested for this-

I'm VERY SORRY for the wait!!!

But also, I really excited for this hehe-

Again, please note that this was not meant or intended to offend anyone. And that all mentions of 'Russia' refer to Aph Russia/Ivan, unless said otherwise, the same with other countries mentioned. Please tell me if you found anything here offensive and I will try to revise it. Also, I will say it again, this was written with a platonic relationship in mind, as it didn't specify whether you wanted it to be romantic or platonic.

Also, due to the original request, I will be putting General Winter in here as well. I don't think I know him much, so I just base him off from what I've heard.

Also, if you're uncomfortable with Russia due to the current circumstances, feel free to not interact.

And I'll be honest, it took me a bit of a while to think of some reactions people would have to Russia!MC other than being scared or intimidated by them. Also, I doubt that Russia would even do some of the things MC would do. So I'm sorry if this seems a bit forced or something-

Anyway, let's get to it!

Heartslabyul:

Riddle Rosehearts:

🥀 Practically everyone at the Welcoming Ceremony was intimidated by MC.

🥀 They're tall, scary, and was holding a pipe like some weapon.

🥀 Also, they had this creepily "innocent"-looking smile on their face.

🥀 Plus, there's this weird ghost thing floating around them (that's General Winter).

🥀 So Riddle is quite perplexed and a bit intimidated. But he isn't as scared as other would be.

🥀 The entire incident with Grim probably never happened because you stopped him with your creepy smile.

🥀 So yeah!

🥀 Anyway, Riddle didn't think much of MC; as there wasn't as much of a ruckus compared to the Original Canon Welcoming Ceremony.

🥀 Nevertheless, people would definitely stay away from you.

🥀 How Ace decided to still go on with his "plan" of "pranking" you and Grim is a mystery.

🥀 Maybe he underestimated you??

🥀 Anyway, when plot mostly goes on.

🥀 But would Russia!MC REALLY WILLINGLY help Ace?? Or even do the things the OG!MC did?? Probably not!

🥀 But they did anyway- (somehow)

🥀 So, honestly, I do think that plot would go on normally.

🥀 Also, the fact that Russia is a bit passive-aggressive most of the time, unless pushed too far.

🥀 Also, Russia is a very experienced country; so MC has definitely gone through worse compared to Riddle.

🥀 Nonetheless, the Heartlabyul Dorm definitely comforts Russia!MC a lot.

🥀 They've been surrounded by winter, snow, silence, and the cold for centuries.

🥀 The warmth of any place, especially the nature and stuff found in Heartslabyul very much make MC content and comforted.

🥀 It's a very big contrast from MC's usual cold and silent home.

🥀 But no one knows that; they'd probably mention it to Ace and Deuce, and Grim, but whether or not they believe that is debatable.

🥀 Anyway, MC is a bit neutral in Riddle's book; they haven't necessarily broken any rule, nor have they been extremely obedient either..

🥀 When Riddle goes on his rampages of anger, MC doesn't do anything really; they just stand there, watching.

🥀 The ADeuce combo aren't very happy about it, and they say that to their... friend?, but are just shrugged off with MC's usual smile.

🥀 Anyway, when Riddle overblotted, MC probably didn't want to help; they probably got forced in or did so because Riddle attacked them.

🥀 During the fight, they bring out the Magic Metal Pipe of Pain. And General Winter appears as well.

🥀 It starts snowing pretty hard due to General Winter's influence

🥀 Having been used to the cold, MC doesn't mind the cold (the cold never bothered them anyway)

🥀 So Overblot!Riddle was in a clear disadvantage because the snow would snuff out his fire; and make it hard to attack because of the cold.

🥀 Trey, Cater, Ace, Deuce and Grim are also having a bit of a hard time fighting due to the cold.

🥀 By the end of it, MC doesn't exactly comfort Riddle (I don't see them comforting anyone really-) and warns him about the next time he attacks them.

🥀 Their relationship is a lot rougher; but all-in-all, basically like the canon, except a lot less casual.

Savanaclaw:

Leona Kingscholar:

🦁 Now, Leona obviously wasn't intimidated in MC; he wasn't interested in them either.

🦁 He definitely has a feeling that they're a creep; stays away from MC because of that.

🦁 Plot goes on normally; as Leona probably sees MC as he would see any normal herbivore.

🦁 He does get the heebie-jeebies from them; like Rook.

🦁 He also mostly doesn't care about MC.

🦁 Honestly, nothing really changes; and MC doesn't do much against Leona, though they don't do anything for him either.

🦁 MC doesn't feel anything about Leona; they don't really care about him either.

🦁 Like in Riddle's overblot, MC only decides to get involved in the fight because they were almost hit.

🦁 MC pulls out the Magic Metal Pipe of Pain and General Winter is released.

🦁 Leona is obliterated.

🦁 MC does also threaten Leona about not hitting them next time.

🦁 Leona doesn't really care; if your MC is female, he would definitely follow on, but still act like he doesn't care.

🦁 Either way, MC and Leona's relationship is pretty rough and a lot more like the canon relationship.

🦁 Also, MC likes Savanaclaw as much as Heartslabyul because of the warmth there; very comforting and new to them.

Octavinelle:

Azul Ashengrotto:

🐙 Azul is curious about the strangely cold temperature around MC, as well as that strange ghost behind them.

🐙 Azul is also a tad intimidated by MC.

🐙 And also not at the same time-

🐙 MC reminds him of Floyd.

🐙 ... yeah, he's concerned now-

🐙 But anyway, plot goes on, othing really changes.

🐙 And because of the coldness around MC, Azul gets vibes of his hometown fron them; more specifically from the cold temperatures that are somehow always there.

🐙 Other than that, Azul doesn't really think of MC all that much.

🐙 The entirety of the Octavinelle Arc goes on normally and quite smoothly.

🐙 Nothing much changes, really.

🐙 He is a bit concerned more when the Tweels come back from "interfering" with MC's plan to go to the Antlantic Museum (the first time)

🐙 Floyd was very much in a bad mood.

🐙 He said something like, "the shrimy's real scary", and stuff. (I see this happening with Floyd as Prussia and MC as Russia; the fact that this happened is why Floyd was in a bad mood)

🐙 Jade also agreed with Floyd.

🐙 The twins were both quite exhausted too.

🐙 Azul is now very much scared.

🐙 Their strength got Floyd in a bad mood; and Jade and Floyd are actually tired?!?! WHEN THE FIGHT WAS IN WATER?!?!

🐙 So yeah!

🐙 Congrats, Azul! You have now made MC's decision to "help" their friends a lot more personal!

🐙 Have fun with the Magic Metal Pipe of Pain!! And General Winter!! And MC's anger!!

🐙 Like all other Overblots, MC defeats Azul with their Magic Metal Pipe of Pain; and practically freezes the entire ocean over with General Winter.

🐙 Again, MC doesn't really comfort or help Azul; the confrontation thing was mostly Azul getting threatened not to try pulling that stunt on them and their friends (ADeuce and Grim; they've gotten attached-)

🐙 So yeah!

🐙 Relationship is quite the same still.

Scarabia:

Kalim Al-Asim:

🐍 What made Jamil think that it was a good idea to mess with MC??

🐍 I don't know at this point-

🐍 So, plot would obviously go on as normally, except Jamil would be even more cautious of MC.

🐍 MC isn't sure what to feel about the Scarabia Dorm; it's a complete opposite from their home.

🐍 While their home is just snow everywhere, Scarabia has sand everywhere; while MC's home is cold, Scarabia is quite hot (in the mornings and afternoons, at least; as nights in Scarabia are quite cold).

🐍 So MC feels very much away from home at this point.

🐍 MC miss their sisters.

🐍 Not as much for Belarus; but they still sorta miss her.

🐍 At this point of time, MC starts getting even more homesick than usual.

🐍 When they were locked in the empty guest room, they were easily able to open it, but then the Scarabia Residents decided to barricade it.

🐍 So during the entirety of their stay in Scarabia, MC and Grim's door was locked with chains, chairs, closets, and other stuff.

🐍 Yeah... it was more like a prison than anything.

🐍 So plot goes on as usual.

🐍 ANYWAY! About Kalim!

🐍 MC gets lots of America vibes from Kalim.

🐍 They don't like that.

🐍 They also don't know how to feel about Kalim's attitude.

🐍 On one hand, they find it very weird and admirable that Kalim is still very innocent and kind despite all the bad things that have happened. Kalim reminds them of a sunflower.

🐍 Kalim also wasn't so intimidated by MC as most other were; MC doesn't know how to feel about this.

🐍 But on the other hand, Kalim's obliviousness and (sometimes overbearing) happiness oftentimes annoys MC.

🐍 Again, it reminds them of America.

🐍 MC also feels a sort of jealousy to Kalim.

🐍 He's constantly spoiled, loved, and has parents and siblings who very much love him. He's also surrounded with lots of friends.

🐍 MC has "grown up" pretty much alone. Their oldee sister, Ukraine, was very loving, sure; but they never really got to speak as much nowadays. Belarus... doesn't exactly have a... healthy love for MC.

🐍 MC has also always been constantly picked on, or people have always been scared of them.

🐍 Those are some aspects and reasons as to why MC envies Kalim a lot.

🐍 As for what Kalim thinks of MC?

🐍 Well, all he can say is that he thinks that they're cool! A bit quiet, but cool!!

🐍 And the way that they use a pipe of a weapon!! 🤩

🐍 So cool!!

🐍 Anyway, Kalim definitely admires MC a lot.

🐍 He does get a bit of a feeling that they're hiding something, but doesn't ask about it.

🐍 He also wishes you would open up more.

Pomefiore:

Vil Schoenheit:

👑 Vil doesn't have much of an opinion of MC.

👑 Their fashion style is... quite out-dated and retro-looking; but it's suitable, he supposes.

👑 Hmm... their skin seems a bit pale... do they even go the sun??

👑 No, Vil; MC's home is pretty cold; during colder days with worse snow, people don't go out. /hj

👑 Vil does think that MC's use of weapon could be... a lot more decent or appropriate.

👑 Vil, how dare u insult the Magic Metal Pipe of Pain?? /hj

👑 But other than that, he doesn't mind or care about MC much.

👑 When Ramshackle is used to house the NRC Tribe for the VDC, he sees that MC can be... "domestic"...

👑 By this, I mean that MC has been helping cook a lot

👑 Whenever MC and Rook interact, Vil gets a strange sense of "oh gosh... there's two of them"

👑 When Vil finds out about the... less stable "side" of MC, it was when he insulted Deuce.

👑 Again, at this point, MC has most likely gotten quite attached to ADeuce and Grim as friends.

👑 They then talk to Vil alone, passive-aggressively threatening him not to do it again or he'll regret it.

👑 Plot goes on as usual. Vil overblots and MC uses their Magic Metal Pipe of Pain (and General Winter).

👑 After Vil's overblot, MC (again) doesn't exactly confront him or comfort him.

👑 So the relationship between them is a bit neutral; just like in canon.

Ignihyde:

Idia Shroud:

(Note: This might be pretty short compared to the others as I don't know much about this character. I might edit this soon when I do know more about the character, though.)

💀 Idia is downright TERRIFIED of MC.

💀 They're tall, scary, and ABSOLUTELY unsettling.

💀 They're also like those rivals or arch nemesis that the main character has; that is quite two-faced and mentally unstable!!

💀 Yeah-

💀 Idia's not going near MC anytime soon!

💀 He does think that having a pipe as a weapon is pretty cool but a bit lame at the same time.

💀 He thinks MC looks intimidating when they hold it up with their unsettling smile, though.

(Like below, when Russia was chasing Estonia)

💀 Yeah...

💀 He doesn't want to interact with MC

💀 If he ever is forced to interact with MC, he tries to act casual but fails.

💀 Think of Latvia or Estonia and the way they interact with Russia. Then add Idia's way of speaking.

💀 Yeah, like that-

💀 Anyway, Idia is NOT going to piss MC off, he doesn't even want to talk or look at them

💀 MC doesn't care about Idia; simple.

💀 They do feel quite envious about his relationship with Ortho, though.

💀 If only Belarus, MC's younger sister, was like this with her love for them.

Diasomnia:

Malleus Draconia:

(Note: This might be pretty short compared to the others as I don't know much about this character. I might edit this soon when I do know more about the character, though.)

🐉 Malleus wasn't at the Welcoming Ceremony, so he doesn't exactly know what was going on.

🐉 Good for him- /j

🐉 So when he meets MC for the first time, he's pretty neutral.

🐉 He doesn't interact with much humans so he doesn't necessarily understand the "human norms".

🐉 So he thinks that MC is "a normal Child of Man".

🐉 Both MC and Malleus are both two softies who everyone is scared/intimidated of/by.

🐉 Except both can absolutely obliterate your ass if needed/wanted.

🐉 Bothing much really happens; but Malleus does notice that MC is possibly hiding somethung.

🐉 He doesn't know what; but believes that if his child of man wouldn't tell him, it doesn't need to be said, and moves on.

🐉 Both take relaxing night walks.

🐉 MC also opens up to Malleus a bit and gets a tad attached to him.

🐉 Malleus does the same.

🐉 If Malleus ever does see MC fighting; he'll be quite impressed on how they fought using a pipe of all things.

🐉 He's also curious about the strange ghost that seems to follow MC everywhere.

🐉 And why they seem very cold all the time; not personality-wise, but temperature-wise.

🐉 Again, he shrugs it off and doesn't really bring it up if MC won't

How they react to MC being a Country Personification:

Riddle Rosehearts: Absolutely terrified. Also a lot more understanding as to why MC holds this sort of aura of power around them. Again, he's curious about their home's laws and government.

Leona Kingscholar: Not all that much bothered. He's a bit surprised, sure; but saw something like that coming. There's no way MC was a complete human anyway. He wants to know more about MC's bosses and (maybe) empures and colonies.

Azul Ashengrotto: Absolutely terrified Part 2. Like, Riddle, he's even more intimidated by MC; but would definitely ask about thier home. Most interested in the government, and the different resources of MC's home. Also wants to know more about their family; they seem very interesting.

Kalim Al-Asim: WHOAAA! SO COOL!! He's star-struck. He wants to know EVERYTHING about being a country; how many there are, what it's like, etc. Also, tell him about MC's siblings! He's a bit weirded out by Belarus.

Vil Schoenheit: Also not that bothered. Like Leona, Vil had a hunch that MC wasn't what they seemed. Vil recovers pretty quickly. He asks MC about their siblings and the fashion trends of their world and home.

Idia Shroud: Absolutely terrified Part 3. He's even more petrified now. Good luck getting a word out of him. When he finally calms down, he asks MC about the technology and stuff; and their stories of the industrial revolution. This only happens if they get close enough to actually hold a conversation.

Malleus Draconia: A mix of "oh wow" and "oh okay". He's quite amazed, but also not all that bothered and affected. Very much wants to ask MC about their experiences and past bosses and their past battles.

Their Overall Reaction to General Winter:

Riddle Rosehearts: Very fascinated by it. So... General Winter is some kind of spirit that represents your home's winter? Do other country personifications have these? He's very curious.

Leona: Oh? So... MC hates the winter and cold? But it's their best "soldier" during war? Interesting. I find Leona as the type of person who would focus on something ironic but move on after a while. He isn't that curious, but doesn't mind listening to MC talk about General Winter (he'll probably fall asleep anyway).

Azul Ashengrotto: Also very curious. He also focuses on the "irony" that MC's biggest "enemy" is the cold of winter; but it's also MC's biggest ally during a fight. Azul himself has experienced General Winter's power first hand even harder than the others during his overblot (as there was a lot of frozen water around); so he's pretty interested in General Winter's power.

Kalim Al-Al-Asim: Also very interested and fascinated. He has the most positive reaction among everyone. He's not that much affected but definitely wants to know more about MC's world, especially their friends.

Vil Schoenheit: He's also not that much affected; he doesn't really focus much on it. He does acknowledge what you said. He's quite curious whether or not other country personifications also have a 'general winter'. He's also quite interested how the battles went on.

Idia Shroud: Again, he's terrified. This time, he's scared shitless. MC is a literal country and HAS A LITERAL WINTER SPIRIT AS A BODYGUARD (not really bodyguard-)?!?! So yeah, MC is now in the top of his MUST NOT UPSET UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE list.

Malleus Draconia: Also very much interested in other possible 'winter personifications' (Sorry, Malleus; there aren't-). He'd also want to talk to General Winter about past wars and possible strategies. Also, he definitely wants to know more about MC and their country.

---

END!

FINALLY!

THE LONG-AWAITED HETALIA!RUSSIA!MC!!

Sorry this took a long time to finish!

At least I finished it tho

Anyway, thank you all for your support and appreciation!! 💙💙

Comments, feedback, criticism, likes, reblogs, etc are very much appreciated!!! 💙💙💙

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst x hetalia #twisted wonderland x hetalia #aph russia #riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim #vil schoenheit #idia shroud #malleus draconia

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