#Tips for Staying Motivated in Recovery | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

There were a total of 171.5 billion posts on Tumblr in 2019.

#Tips for Staying Motivated in Recovery

radiant-reid · 10 months

Text

Angel

Summary: Based on 14x09 where BAU!Reader recounts how working the case reminded her of Spencer's addiction

a/n: tbh this is trash, just trying to get some motivation back

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (Fluff)

Content Warning: references to Spencer's Dilaudid addiction

Word Count: 1.1k

Masterlist | Navigation

There are flowers on the table.

That's the first thing Y/n notices and the only thing out of place in their otherwise tidy house. Spencer's always been a clean person.

The kid clutter- books, coloring pens, tiny shoes, the occasional Lego figure- that clutter, he's proud of.

Next to the vase is a bowl of pasta in a tomato-based sauce, and she guesses because of that, there's at least one child-size shirt soaking in the laundry with a stain on it.

"Hey, beautiful." Spencer makes her jump with his silent footsteps, followed by sudden voice. He touches her shoulders, massaging them softly.

She turns around, placing a quick kiss on his lips. "Hey. Missed you."

He pulls her forward, resting his head on top of hers. "Missed you too. Glad you made it back safe."

Things are different since the bureau mandated Spencer take time off as part of his reinstatement after prison. After the births of their three kids, Y/n stayed home, naturally, on maternity leave while Spencer continued going out on cases with the team. In between, and for most of their relationship and marriage, they worked at the BAU, spending almost every minute together. But this is different. Now, Spencer's the one that spends more time in DC, and in his 30 days not working at the BAU, he does an excellent job as a househusband.

Y/n pulls back, admiring his features for the first time in days."Sleeping angels?" She checks.

He scoffs lightly. "Not so much." She raises her eyebrows, humored. "Water, bathroom, another story, you know how it goes."

She chuckles. "Oh, yeah, I've heard that song before."

"Love them, though." He adds. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving." She turns to the delicious-smelling pasts on the table while his hands stay on her waist. Spencer's learned a lot while being a dad but his learning to cook has been very rewarding for her.

They move to the couch, needing to be closer than they would be if they were sitting at the table.

Her smile dimmers after she's complimented his cooking, and he's called her beautiful again. It's an easy difference in demeanor to spot for Spencer as a husband rather than a profiler.

"The case?" Spencer guesses.

Y/n takes a deep breath in and shrugs. "One like that wouldn't get to me usually." She tries to dismiss her feelings.

He catches it, having used the same technique many times. If it's bothering her, they're going to discuss it. "It was Tara's ex-husband that discovered a pattern?"

"Mm-hmm, uh, Daryl, he brought it to her, thinking there was an angel of death unsub killing people in the recovery community." She recaps, although he already knows from their discussion on the phone.

Technically, he's only allowed to know the basic details, not offer advice, but as long as Emily doesn't officially know that the occasional case-solving tip comes from Spencer, it's okay.

"What was his vice?" He asks.

Tara didn't want to spill all the details, but Y/n had made a few assumptions. "Alcohol, drugs later, I think."

"So why was this one more difficult than usual?" Spencer asks, frowning then it hits him. "Oh."

Y/n feels a pang of guilt in her chest at Spencer's expression contorting. "No, I don't mean-" She pauses, not knowing what to say. Neither can deny that her feelings are connected to what Spencer went through.

"Comparing the victims to me?" He guesses again.

Her selfishness feels even worse than her guilt. "No. Tara had to give a heart-wrenching speech. And we were in very different situations, her and Douglas and you and I, but it made me think about that time." She tries to explain it.

Spencer understands, and he nods solemnly. "We never talk about that in relation to you." He realizes that it's something he feels guilty about.

"I don't like to talk about it." She shrugs. "Just hearing what Tara said struck a chord." She could feel Tara's pain through Emily's repeated words, and it was all too easy to remember the heartbreak of seeing someone she loved struggling.

Spencer takes her hand, squeezing it lightly. "We can talk about it whenever you want, you know?"

"Not now." She shakes her head. "I missed you."

He smiles softly, resting against the couch and spreading his arms out. Y/n rests her legs over his and tucks herself under his arm. "I missed you too." He kisses her forehead and holds her closer. Things feel better when they're all under one roof. "Y/n, it's really important to me that you know how much I appreciate you staying through that. You're an angel, you know?"

"Spence." She coos, touching his cheek softly and momentarily getting caught in his eyes. "It wasn't a hard choice to stay with you and support you through that. I love you, and I'll always be here for you."

He takes a deep breath in. "I love you too. I could talk about how grateful I am for you forever, you know?"

"I know." She laughs lightly, having heard those speeches from him more than once. It never gets less heartwarming.

Spencer shuffles slightly, reaching out to take something off the coffee table. She raises her eyebrows until a look of recognition takes over her features.

"A photo album?" She asks curiously. "Why's that out here?"

"It's our first." He explains as he opens it, tracing his finger over the cover page. "Tillie wanted to see it." He finds the page he's looking for, showing her a photo of them.

Y/n grins, looking at it, remembering the exact second it was taken. "You look so little." She coos, touching the glossy picture of them. They're not much older than 25, fresh-faced, innocent, and dressed nicely. Spencer's smiling the adorable smile he still smiles today. It's stayed the same through every challenge they've faced.

"You've always been so beautiful." He mumbles, stroking her hair with his spare hand.

Her cheeks heat as she taps him on the shoulder. "Stop." She whines.

"Never." He shakes his head. "You're gorgeous, and I'm going to make sure you know it. I have no idea how I got so lucky."

She chuckles, shaking her head. "I'm the one that got lucky, marrying a genius."

"I married a genius too," Spencer claims, and he pulls her even closer to him like there's any chance she wants to move.

"Can we just sit here a while?" She asks as she relaxes more into him.

He leans down to kiss her forehead. "For as long as you want, angel."

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fandom #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid one shot #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds fanfic

846 notes · View notes

starvi-boi · 28 days

Text

yall asked me how i did it so here we go:

first of all, if you dont struggle with an ed or are in recovery than dont interact or read this. i am pro recovery for everyone except myself. stay safe everyone!!

my situation:

im 167 cm tall

i started at 67.7kgs and now im 43kgs, (bmi 24.3 -> 15.4)

i live with my parents and they after two months noticed and now they watch what i eat

it took me around 5 months but during 2 of them i was just maintaining because of miscalculations and binges

1) meals:

i do omads, its really effective, keep it around 350 - 900 cals a day, i used to fast for few days every now and then but omads work wonders

heres how my week looks:

mon: 400-700

tue: 400-800

wen: 400-600

thu: 350-650

fri: 400-800

sat: 900-1200

sun: 850-1250

omading dinner works quite well and so does omading breakfast, but i prefer dinners, i can keep my morning skinny all day and i dont have to walk outside being bloated af

2) exercise:

i do around 5 hours climbing a week, after 3 months i added a 20 minute workout every day that i dont climb, also sometimes i spent whole days climbing on rocks outside

i also have 2 hours of pe a week

i try to get at least 5k steps, mostly i get around 6k a day

im not a try hard in exercise, sometimes i go inline skating but its for fun

i dont distract burnt cals from the days total. i dont.

3) pürging:

i used to pürge anything that was over 500 cals, but it was useless, dont do it, its not helping, i did this only the first 2 months because of guilt

4) binging:

before i began eating less, i used to binge like 4 times a week (around 4k cals), it used to be my coping mechanism

at first i didnt binge at all, i didnt eat because of guilt, i hated food

lately ive been binging on low-cal stuff which is bad, but at least its not as high cal (i actually crave low-cal things), but now i tell myself this: 'enjoy the emptiness, nothing can fill in the void inside, especially not food' and it has helped a lot

but im not rlly sure what to do about it- it just sometimes happens

5) weight ins:

i do them everyday in the evening before dinner, i dont drink water during the day (dont do this, i forget to drink and am used to that, stay hydrated), which makes me not want to eat because id gain the food and water weight, if i knew i was having two meals id weight in in the morning

6) metab days:

since i live with my parents who now check on me, i do them on weekends - both days, i mostly binge on those days (sometimes even 3k cals) lol

i aim for 900-1100 cals on them because on other days i try to restrict as much as possible and my bmr is around 1200

even though they seem scary, theyre very much needed!!

7) rituals:

i dont snack, only gum - it works amazing (i go through like 30 a day :'))

i always plan my cals for the day in the morning and always add in the food before eating it

i spend a lot of time on edblr and edtwt and edtt, motivating

i always have an emergency snack on me and water, im allowed to eat it if im too dizzy or too weak

8) my tips:

never eat alone. never.

eat only at the table - it makes it really annoying to sit there while eating which makes me not wanna eat

romanticize hunger (not the best but ykyk), be a good ana, be pure, be pretty

wear layers, youre gonna be freezing all the time

vaping/smoking can help if youre already into it, dont start with it just because i said it might work

be patient.

skip any meal you can, fake eating, empty packages, hiding food in clothes, taking in to your room, dirty plates, sitting and staring at an empty cup licking the clean spoon over and over as if the cup was full so you seem like youre eating... anything

dont obsess over food, obsess over being skinny and over fasting!!

dont eat more than 2 meals a day

prepare your own food so you can calculate it right

high volume low cal stuff and high protein stuff are your new best friends (lettuce, peppers, cucumbers, pickles, rice cakes, tomatoes, melons, coldfish, chicken breasts, cottage cheese)

warm water fills you up, so does coffee and tea

be nice to yourself, reward yourself when you do good, make it a game - points for being good -> rewards you can buy with your points, when you mess up you have to extract few points

take it slow, one day at a time or one week at a time, you have plenty of time, messing up is okay (one binge doesnt make you fat just as one fast doesnt make you skinny, but doing it repeatedly will)

if youre getting weak -> increase your cals, its better to get your energy back but maintain for few weeks than it is to be weak and passing out

9) do what works for you

i cant do longer fasts because of my family, just because this worked for me doesnt mean its gonna work for you, find what you can do and stick with it

i really suck at portion control so i omad, its way easier for me to not eat than to eat small amounts through out the day

thats it for now!! thanks for reading, if i think of something more ill write it down!!

#i will be a skeleton #i will be weightless #i will reach my ugw #edmeme #i hate calories #starv3 #unhealthy weight loss #lose weight fast #anatips #ana #tw ana trigger #tw ana diary #ana advice #ana tips #unhealthy diet

79 notes · View notes

frankie4n4 · 4 months

Text

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ tips for the academic validation anorexics!! ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

𖤐 disclaimer - this won't be starving tips, it's more about how to thrive in an academic setting especially with an ed 𖤐 ♡ ︎this is going to sound harsh, but being "mysterious" is an unattainable goal if you're doing it for others. no one actually cares enough to find you mysterious; it's more likely they genuinely won't even clock you're there if you aren't friends. however, trying to feel mysterious as a motivator isn't a bad thing at all - it's doing it for others that makes it a delusional goal to try and reach for.

♡ ︎this is a bit of a no-brainer, but if you actually want some sort of recognition at school, you need to socialise!!! obviously this can be a bit of an issue for the majority of us because of a little thing called mental illness (bonus points if you're also neurodivergent) but no one is going to care about you if they don't know who tf you are. joining clubs is such a good way to actually put yourself out there (albeit fucking terrifying and exhausting) and they can come in handy if you need an excuse to not eat at lunch.

♡ ︎okay this is a bit of a restriction tip but study when you want to eat! it's an excellent distraction, incredible motivator and will get you through school. be the person you were always meant to be - a skinny ass academic weapon. ♡ ︎build a good relationship with your teachers, for god's sake. it can make your life so much easier istg (this is a lot easier said than done for someone who's mentally ill and/or neurodivergent but yk)

♡ ︎romanticise studying and make that a part of romanticising your ed. if studying is connected to your ed, it will be so much easier to actually start and vice versa. they are one and the same and that is what makes you so powerful!

♡ ︎again a no-brainer but hot people aren't mean. look, i get it - i can be so mean sometimes. i know how easy it can be to be judgemental, or to gossip or be a bitch or complain but it will inevitably put more strain on your relationships then there likely already is. people are drawn to people who speak well of others, who are forgiving and don't "get the ick" over stupid shit. people prefer to be around someone who is nice to the people around them, including people that aren't necessarily the coolest people or the people closest to you (this is also just like common basic decency which i think the majority of students, especially teenagers - myself included - need a brief refresher in). ♡ to piggy-back off of that, most people don't enjoy the company of someone who is perpetually negative. look, for a lot of people isolating ourselves and seeing the world in what feels like shades of black and white is just how we work, but other people don't need to know that, or at least not have to hear about it all the time. your friends are not your therapists and you are putting their mental health at risk if you think it is okay to treat them as such. you are also putting yourself at risk of forced recovery depending on what you say. and for those of you who think you're the shit for making venty jokes your whole irl personality - you are not cool for having a shitty life! dark humour stays on edblr from now on - most people irl will just be uncomfortable or find you far too negative to be around if everything you talk about is how shitty things are going for you. it's okay to vent, but there is a time and place. 𖤐 thank you for reading, my loves!! please note that i have been a perpetrator of the things i have condemned, and i've also been on the receiving end of this behaviour. you aren't bad for doing this stuff - a lot of people do - but it's always good to learn and grow and i know i could have done with someone telling me some of this stuff when i was younger. also fyi i know this stuff probably seems obvious to a lot of people but for others it isn't - please be kind! 𖤐

35 notes · View notes

hail-americas-ass · 11 months

Text

🔆JUNE FIC REC II

✒ a greek tragedy by ash

(I can’t express enough how amazing this is) 4.6K Words

When Steve started drawing the comic, he drew himself before the serum and Bucky as he remembered him when they worked together to keep from ending up on the streets and dreamed of futures with floating cars. He drew them then and now, scenes against a New York he remembered and scenes against this future he didn’t quite fit in, one drawn soft and hazy, the other hard lines. When he drew them in the present, he never drew himself looking at Bucky; Bucky was always behind him, a shadow that followed as he tried to find a trace of the world they used to know in this one. He called them Orpheus and Eurydice.

🦾 Touch Me I’m Going to Scream by buffypeppers

(This is a classic in my opinion. It’s got recovering!Bucky and every trope you can imagine, so very fluffy) 107.5K Words

Only a few days have passed since the Winter Soldier put Sam into a hospital bed but Steve is ready to find HYDRA’s assassin and bring him to justice.

Things won't go according to plan once the Avengers find the infamous man.

🕵️‍♂️ End of all Days by Minka ( @minka-g on tumblr)

(I was motivated to reread this recently, it kept me on the edge of my seat the first time I read it and it had the same thrilling effect when I reread it too. There’s only one word to describe it: thrilling.)

(Archeological Historian!Steve x Spy!Bucky) (Indiana Jones & Atomic Blonde AU) 116.7K Words

Captain Steve Rogers had thought his military days were behind him, left in the bloody nightmare that was Saigon. Retired and working as a History Professor, the last thing he expected was to get caught up in a cataclysmic Slavic prophesy foreshadowing the end of the known world.

With Cold War tensions running high, Steve finds himself in need of a guide and translator to get him behind the Iron Curtain and into the isolated snowdrifts of Siberia.

It’s deep in the heart of Bucharest’s resistance fighters that Steve finds the ideal candidate, but swaying the enigmatic ex-operative known as The Winter Soldier proves to be complicated. Trust is hard-won, especially in the world of espionage, and with a KGB death squad nipping at his heels, the Soldier has countless reasons to stay presumably dead.

As the lines between right, wrong and the supernatural begin to blur, Steve is forced to reconsider everything he’s ever believed, right from the sanctity of his own country to the very foundations of creation itself.

❤️‍🩹 Every Door Opens by Notoska ( @notoska on tumblr)

(This fic, the words and the way they were written, not only yanked my heart out of my chest, it also sunk deep in my bones where I was forced to carry it and think of it for days. Fantastic.) Recovery fic. 73.9K Words

Then Bucky licks his lips, tip of his tongue just grazing the sensitive skin of Steve’s ear and Steve moans. Nothing close to the surge of lust behind his ribs, but a tiny, breathy sound all the same. Bucky doesn’t react—he must not have heard. Though a minute later he curls his fingers and extends them again, moving just slow enough for it to be a caress.

Just tip your head into his touch. He’ll take the lead and trace the folds of your ear with his tongue until you can’t keep quiet any more. Then he’ll smother your desperate little noises with his mouth, fingers twisting in your hair. Kissing deeply, tongues reaching to declare your filthy intentions. Find his knee with your hand and slide wolfishly up his thigh until you reach the bulge behind his fly. Palm him through his trousers until he’s panting in your mouth, until he’s pressing his forehead to yours, hips bucking, and you can see his dark eyes, glinting in the screen’s flickering light, pleading—

Steve jolts back to the present. The credits are rolling and Bucky is reading them as well. The screen blacks and two fluorescent lights buzz to life. Bucky loosens his hand from Steve’s head, welcoming the world back in.

#stucky fanfiction #stucky fanfic #stucky #steve/bucky #ao3 #stucky fic recs #stucky fic rec #steve rogers x bucky barnes #steve rogers/bucky barnes #stevebucky #fic recs

118 notes · View notes

dog-v3ntz · 2 years

Text

TW: PURG1NG

dni if currently in recovery or find this type of content to be triggering in any way.

note: these are not tips to help you purg3. these are tips to at least take care of yourself after you do.

after you purge you should probably clean up.

if there’s a mess, i clean that up first with toilet paper and some of the soap in the bathroom, then throw it in the toilet and flush.

then i wash my hands and rinse my mouth out with warm water.

make sure you DONT brush your teeth! that does more harm than good!

instead you should use a saline rinse.

theres the little salty packets that you put in a bottle, shake and spirt up your nose (for if you have a sinus infection) and i use those. if i have the motivation i put it in a cup with warm water and stir. if i don’t have motivation i just hold warm water in my mouth, dump the packet in my mouth and aggressively swish it all around.

tastes rlly salty but gets the job done lol.

after all that you should probably chill out for a bit, drink some electrolyte drink and if you dont have that, or refuse to drink it bc it has calories (me) then just hydrate with that good old h2o

if you have any tips like these then feel free to share them.

stay safe and take care of yourself as best you can <3

#purge tips #purg3 #bingepurge #purg1ng #tw purge #tw ed relapse #tw ed vent #tw ed in the tags #bulimima #tw

567 notes · View notes

xoxos4dgirl · 2 months

Text

𝑒𝒹𝒷𝓁𝓇 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝓇𝑜 ໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১

ᵎᵎ 𝑏𝑙𝑜𝑐𝑘 𝑑𝑜𝑛’𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡 ᵎᵎ

i’m honey♡ Colombian and Spanish . she/her.

this is basically my digital ed diary where I can track my progress, stay consistent and motivated and drop tips !!

i ‹𝟹 pink and brown. sanrio. anime. books. victoria’s secret. makeup. lana del rey. Sofia Coppola. bunnies. vanilla. coffee. matcha. strawberries. baking. starbucks. brandy melville. gossip. spotify. pinterest.

𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑠:

♡Height: 156cm

♡Sw: 52kg

♡Cw: 48kg

♡Gw: 45kg

♡ugw: 42kg

໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১-current victim of an almond mom and dad that doesn’t care. used to have ednos but was forced into recovery by my therapist. but i am relapsing since I don’t have a very good home life and also low self esteem, ana is the only thing that I have control over

LOOKING FOR MUTUALS/ED FRIENDS!!

7 notes · View notes

ptsd-phoenix · 1 month

Text

10 April 2024

When I made this blog I was questioning it very much. I was very torn on whether it would be beneficial for me. In the past I have had many many blogs. Blogs that got terminated for good reason. Some blogs live on in eternity with their posts still being reblogged. I had blogs that one could consider pro-ed and pro-sh. Or rather 'not pro, just for me' which can be considered the same thing honestly.

I also had many a recovery blog in between relapse. I posted a lot of content on both depending on where I was in my journey. Yes, I have taken many pictures of my sh and shared it with strangers. If you ask me why I did that, well, in a way it was an art for me. In a way it was just the way I expressed my pain. In my eyes back then, as a sh addict who really needed sh to keep going in life, I felt like my sh was comparable to smoking a cigarette. I advocated a lot to get rid of the taboo around sh. I did a lot of research on it. The many different reasons why people turn to it. What about it makes people addicted to it. I really explored it in depth. Of course my ultimate goal as an sh addict was to be able to keep doing it without people trying to get me to stop. It wasn't much a noble goal. My sh addiction really ruled my life for quite a while. Until it didn't anymore. After many attempts to stay clean, I finally managed to go without it. I've recently passed the 8 year mark, and will hopefully continue on for the rest of my lifetime to stay clean.

Do I regret making those blogs? I do. The biggest reason for my regret is that my pictures were inspiration for others to keep their sh going. I hope I never inspired someone to start sh, but I know I have in at least two cases. That was never my intention. But the way sh works is that when you show visuals of it, or even talk about it to vulnerable people, they will get ideas to try doing it. It's logical. If someone is desperate for a sense of relief and you let them know others have achieved a form of relief by doing something bad. Those desperate people don't care if it's bad, they just want to try and achieve that relief. This is partly how I even ended up with my sh addiction in the first place. I already did forms of sh, but I wasn't aware of other ways existing until people told me not to start doing those too. This inspired me to try those ways as well. I would have likely never done that otherwise.

This is especially true for my eds. While I struggled with eating already, I would have never been able to think up the complex ed behaviors by myself. Those were all copied and inspired by other people's ed thoughts and behaviors. I watched documentaries just for more tips. This is why I believe this topic is also really vulnerable to be discussed and it's difficult to bring awareness to without potentially inspiring someone or fueling their early developing ed. I recovered and relapsed with my eds many times in different ways. It's still something I have to be mindful of because the road to relapse is a slippery slope you can easily fall down. One thing that really inspired and motivated me to recover was, ironically, some pretty dark places on the web where people share all details about their disordered behavior. Seeing especially the much older people struggling and still trapped and seeing how absolutely miserable they were. It made me realize just how absolutely miserable I was. I can't quite explain just how truly truly miserable. My body was dying because of me and I could feel it. I recovered with the help of mostly the book called 'Wanneer kap jij ermee? - Isabelle Plasmeijer'. But also help from others, creating a sort of psych ward like setting at home where I was being monitored. It took a lot of work to recover but I think I've done a pretty great job by myself (and those that helped me). Looking back at it now I think I haven't given myself nearly enough credit. I really just revived myself. Also great great shoutout to Ro Mitchell on youtube. I really recovered side by side as she went through her journey. I would put her videos on with every meal. (I don't watch her anymore now as I consider that to be triggering for me)

Anyway, what led me to type this is. I worried so much that my blog would be yet another festering pit of just pure destructive habits. Instead it actually turned out to be a really healthy coping mechanism. I believe venting feelings and pain is incredibly helpful. Doing so while creating a sense of community can feel so healing because you are not alone in your feelings. I do have a boundary for myself in place that I do not follow any blogs that post vents or traumacore. I only go through those type of blogs and tags when I need to express emotions I am already feeling. This means I get to protect my precious vulnerable mind from unexpected triggers and negative emotions. My dashboard on tumblr really is a collection of uplifting, motivating, validating, comforting, soothing, enjoyable content.

I think that expressing pain in an online space in a healthy way is possible. It's important that it's done safely, by not hurting oneself or others. Providing the right content warnings so people can be warned or filter it out. Not tagging it with things that are not related to it so that people don't suddenly see disturbing content in otherwise safe places. and taking care of yourself as a user to really use the features that allow you to blacklist words and themes. Blocking users that post upsetting content or that just trigger you for one reason or another. Turning off anon if you get a lot of upsetting messages. Knowing not to browse certain tags when you are already triggered. Knowing which tags to just never browse, period, not even when happy or stable. Taking note of your boundaries. Not triggering yourself on purpose as a way of sh. There's a lot that can be done to make it safe to vent.

I'm quite glad I made this blog. It has indirectly given me friendships that I'm very thankful for.

#tw ed #tw sh #phoenix posts non poetry

5 notes · View notes

lilfoxbones · 2 months

Note

I've been seeing a lot of your re-blogs and my little autistic brain aint braining. So I have a few questions! (by all means ignore if ya want, no force, never) 1. Are you pro ana? I've been seeing you re-blog things that say "I'm not pro-ana" but also giving out tips 2. Will you give out tips? (Not for harming yourself with a blade, burning, pinching, etc. but for like fasting, motivation to stay skinny, what to do when your parents are observant, etc!) 3. How ya doing? (I hope ur doing well! I like to check in on ppl) More questions may come later, for now call me: 242 TTYL! <3

1. No! I am pro recovery. I give out tips for harm reduction reasons, both physical and mental harm.

2. Yes! As you stated, not for actively harming or anything like that but absolutely to help with strict/observant parents, harm reduction, fasting, exercise, etc.! This disorder sucks too much to deal with alone so I'll answer any asks i get about it as best I can (as long as they're respectful) and people are more than welcome to DM me if they want ^//^

3. I'm good!! Had a pretty shit week, finally getting back on my feet!! So I'm happy!

#al'sasks242 #al'sasks #al'sradiobroadcast #ortho #anor3c1a #anorexcya #ana meal #ana bllog #ana rant #ana trigger #ana #proana #not pro just using tags

6 notes · View notes

marine-corps-strong · 8 months

Text

@cam-strong Happy Tuesday, and great effort keeping your target pace! Around 8 miles is where my mental strength starts to give out. Once that goes, I feel like I come unraveled. Any good tips/mantras you use to ignore or push through on race day?

Thanks for the question. I will try to give you my best answer. I plan the run ahead of time before I get out there most times it works. I put the clothes I am going to run in the night before that will keep motivated. The Blue shirt I wore I just received in the mail was my NYC marathon training run shirt so I was already feeling good driving to the greenway.

I warm-up really well. I'm getting old and my warm-up stretching takes a good 20 minutes before I start that is important. A steady comfortable pace is most important. Don't worry about the pace, just be comfortable on race day. Your getting tired at mile 8 mentally, either try to feed off the crowd, have good music, take in the views around you, shorten your stride a bit stay up tall don't lean forward because it will tire you faster physically and mentally and keep your arms moving. Breathing and thinking of arms will keep you mentally in tune with yourself not to quit. Envision your accomplishment tell yourself I can do this I am strong. I won't let anything beat me. Your a great athlete and workouts are crazy strong. I use you as motivation seeing you work hard and I like to feed off others accomplishments what helps me. Try training by time and not looking at your watch. Run for 60 minutes straight, 90 minutes straight and by not looking at your watch you can see your mileage when you finish and time. When you totally can't run anymore mentally late in a race there are two things I do:

1. Run for 200 steps and walk for 50....it's a good run walk method.

2. Pick out spots to run to like I am going to run to that red light or telephone pole and then walk 25 steps then pick another spot to run to.

Last use your water stops for your recovery, get cups of water, drink and stretch your legs as needed and take off again. This will help you late in the race. ALWAYS REMEMBER ITS NOT ABOUT THE TIME, ITS ABOUT FINISHING. I PROMISE YOU WILL GET MENTALLY STRONGER, JUST JEEP SHOWING UP! 🤜🤛🇺🇸

13 notes · View notes

nolonelyheart · 3 months

Text

Best Practices for Running

Have you decided to start running regularly as a useful exercise routine for your physical fitness or weight loss?

Let's explore how to turn those initial steps into a journey filled with joy and accomplishment.

Running is a beneficial activity that can give your body the perfect aerobic or cardiovascular workout. But you should not just run, you have to do it right and do it safely.

Here are a few helpful tips that'll help you get started if you're not experienced and a beginner for running.

Start Slow — When running, it is important to begin at a slow and manageable pace to allow your body to adapt and reduce the risk of injuries.

Always warm up with gentle aerobic workouts and dynamic stretches before running to increase blood flow to your muscles and prepare your body for physical activity.

Choosing the proper running shoes is crucial for avoiding injuries, ensuring comfort, and improving running efficiency.

Stay hydrated before, during, and after your run, and consume a balanced diet rich in carbohydrates, proteins, and healthy fats to fuel your body optimally and support recovery.

Running is not just a physical challenge but also a mental one. Cultivate mental resilience by focusing on positive thoughts, setting realistic goals, and practicing mindfulness during your runs.

Start with a basic running or walking routine and gradually increase the duration, frequency, and distance as your body adapts.

Tips for Maintaining Motivation in Running

Setting fitness goals maintains motivation, especially when interest declines.

Running with a partner, in-person or through apps, enhances enjoyment and accountability.

Apps like Justly assist in setting and monitoring fitness goals.

Specific challenges, like time or distance goals, keep motivation high.

Tracking progress with apps like Justly or Pedometers boosts motivation, especially after achieving personal bests.

Incorporating these fundamental tips into your running routine can make a significant difference, especially if you're just starting.

These practices lay a solid foundation for your running journey. For more insights and motivation on how to enhance your running experience, dive into our full article on Justly Blog.

#running tips #productivitytips #habits #life #growth #goals #blog #motivation #motivational #health & fitness #focus

3 notes · View notes

luleelaa · 14 days

Text

31 DAY CHALLENGE!

made by me :3

1. what is your cw and gws?

2. what is your biggest reason for losing weight?

3. what is your favorite low calorie food/safe foods?

4. do you avoid sugars or eat everything in moderation?

5. what is your favorite, coffee or tea? what type?

6. how would you describe your aesthetic? is clothing a big reason why you’re losing weight?

7. do you wear makeup? why or why not? how do you usually do it?

8. what is your favorite movie?

9. have you ever been bullied for your weight or how you look?

10. what is your mbti? what are some traits of them?

11. are you currently in a relationship? do you want to be?

12. do you like video games?

13. how old are you? how long have you struggled with an ed?

14. are you a dog or a cat person?

15: checkpoint! add ur cw. are u happy with how youre doing so far?

16. do you have any tips to share?

17. have you ever been confronted about your ed? what happened?

18. have you ever fasted? how long was your longest fast?

19. what is your favorite clothing/makeup brand?

20. have you ever tried recovery or been recovered?

21. what is your favorite book?

22. how do you stay motivated or stop a binge?

23. what is your favorite music genre? what bands do you like?

24. do you feel like you have body dysmorphia?

25. who is your favorite movie character? why?

26. do you do any sports? do you want to?

27. do you collect anything? would you want to?

28. what is your favorite fruit?

29. how many cals do you usually eat per day?

30. what is your all-time favorite album or song?

31. you made it! what is your cw?

#thinspø #th1nsp1ration #tw thinspi #@n@ diary #a4a motivation #@na motivation

4 notes · View notes

elfie-eats · 2 months

Text

my biggest regret: i ran a pro-ana blog.

i haven't posted to tumblr in years but i just needed to get it off my chest.

i used to have an ed account with THOUSANDS. of followers and it is my biggest regret.

yes, i was 15 and in the grips of an ed and didn't really understand the magnitude of what i was doing but then again, how fucking stupid was that. there was some good within it; giving myself and my followers a safe space to talk and vent about our problems, i had a lot of online friends i spoke to daily which was refreshing as i had very little friends in the real world. However, accounts and platforms like that never end well and it usually becomes a breeding ground for triggering posts, tips, grooming and toxic relationships cemented in active ed behaviours.

i hate the pr0 ed community.

when I ran this account at FIFTEEN years old, I was contacted by multiple people claiming to be "pr0 ana coaches"; the best way to describe them, they are self-proclaimed mentors that would help you stay motivated and on track to hitting your 'ugw' by telling you what to eat, when to eat, and by sending you abusive comments about your weight and how fat you were, which is pretty much a dream come true to a fifteen year old with an eating disorder.

all you had to do was update them daily with your weight, stats, and send half, sometimes full nude photographs to these people who would often disguise themselves as other teenage girls, when in fact they were typically grown men over the age of 21.

i personally got tricked by these 'coaches' and realised after seeing a mutual follower at the time talk about their experience. When I had confronted the coach, they had threatened me and told me they would leak the photos and contact my parents. i was so scared, i couldn't stop crying and i thought my entire life was over.

i deleted my account immediately; though looking back i wish i would have reported it to the police or at least tumblr. i had no idea what i was supposed to do in that situation and i was terrified of getting into trouble.

these men are probably still out there getting child p0rn off vulnerable, mentally ill minors who are not thinking clearly.

if there are any minors that read this post; and have similar experiences, please report them and keep yourself and others safe!

i am in active ed recovery now and i have a heck of a long way to go but it's worth it. i have a very beautiful life ahead and my eating disorder is the least interesting thing about me. i wish i could have understood that at fifteen.

fuck the pr0 ed community.

#blog #bpd #ed recovery #ed not ed sheeran #edn0s #recovery #mental health #confession #regret

2 notes · View notes

ch-3-rrycoke · 2 months

Text

All about me🫀

|| please don't report just block, this is my safe space||

~Name: Sisi

~Age: 15 (birthday 9.11.♏)

~Weight: in bio

~Height: 173cm

~Things i like: animals, 70s/80s music , Queen ,art ,idk

~ I'm diagnosed with depression, social anxiety, childhood trauma, sh and an eating disorder (I'm pretty fuçked up)

~I was hospitalized and was forced to "recover" from my ed like 3 months ago but as soon as i got home i relapsed. For the past weeks i've been in a eating/not eating cycle and was battling more with bul1mia but now I'm back on track. If you are in recovery or find my posts triggering just block me. I'm not against recovery or anything and I fully support people who are in recovery but I'm just not in it.However feel free to ask anything and I would really appreciate any tips on how to stay on track<3

DNI: anyone in recovery or any blog that's not related to eds

Some motivation<3

🫀🫀🫀🫀🫀🫀🫀🫀

#tw ana diary #light as a feather #ana e mia #starv1ng #tw ed diet #ed not ed sheeran #tw mia #weight loss diet #3d diet #get motivated

4 notes · View notes

cegantheayugipi · 1 year

Text

Eternally Weak Chapter 15 (Various Genshin x reader)

Looking for the previous part? Read it here.

Lost? Here’s the Masterlist.

Summary: You lived your entire life as a ridiculously weak human with a ridiculously long lifespan. You were always able to use all seven elements, but what was the point if your damage was only ever '1'? A horrific encounter with the Cryo Archon leaves you barely clinging onto life. Everyone around you is reeling from these events -- and trying to process what the hell actually just happened.

Pairings: Diluc, Kaeya, Zhongli, Xiao, Childe, Albedo x F!Reader

Word Count: 6.7k

On the rooftop of Favonius Monastery, an occasional passerby would sometimes notice the outline of a human-like figure perched on its rooftop. Although Xiao knew his presence was quite obvious to those who happened to look up at the roof at just the right angle, he didn’t seem to care. He was getting used to the buzz of the city and the peaceful quiet at night. The former Yaksha closed his eyes, enjoying the constant breeze that Mondstadt seemed to always have. Although his stay in the city had lasted no more than a week, he could feel the air begin to get colder as autumn evolved into winter. The cold never bothered him, however – he was an Adeptus, after all.

A small part of him believed that his Karmic Debt was the one slowing your recovery – it was incredibly harmful for humans to be near him, even though you never seemed to be affected by it. Thinking back over past events, he knew he was responsible for your impossibly low max HP. And now, he was responsible for your comatose state for not finding you in time. He promised Rex Lapis that he would watch over you, but if there was no promise, he would have secluded himself away to Wangshu Inn once more.

The night sky was clear, and Xiao could see the constellations in the sky above him. The outline of a tipping Celestia hovered in the far reaches of the sky, what once was a beacon of hope and guidance now sitting bitterly on the Adeptus’ tongue. To say he hated Childe and the Tsaritsa was an understatement – he wanted nothing more than to tear their throats from their necks. In his days as a Yaksha, murdering an evil god was nothing… and to him, the Cryo Archon was truly evil.

Xiao was brought out of his spiraling thoughts by the sound of a doorknob turning and a latch clicking. It was the door to your room. He sensed the presence of a young girl who seemed to be tiptoeing through the door, slowly closing it behind her.

She was dressed in pajamas, her movements drowsy and slow, but Xiao recognized her presence – it was the healer who kept coming back every night.

Barbara crept around the Ragnvindr brothers who were sleeping in their chairs beside your bed. Kaeya’s head was resting on Diluc’s shoulder, his breathing soft and steady. Diluc had his own head rested on top of his brother’s, his rhythmic sighs deeper and almost resembling snores.

Barbara tried her best to blink the sleep from her eyes as she knelt at your bedside. She reached out to hold onto your limp hand, the gentle blue glow of hydro filling the room as she began to heal you yet again.

Xiao noticed the dark circles underneath her eyes that only seemed to grow darker each time he saw her. Despite the typical outcome of patients who do not immediately recover under her abilities, Barbara never gave up hope. She would sneak out of her room at the monastery in the middle of the night to continue healing you.

Xiao noticed that many of the nuns tended to sneak around at night. This particular one would only get up to heal you selflessly. There was another, an inhumanly pale one, who would sneak down to the city in the evening only to return several hours later smelling like a tavern. Each sister had their own motivation for their nighttime activities… But it seemed that Barbara’s was out of pure benevolence.

Barbara remained in full concentration for several minutes – even Xiao was surprised at her level of dedication to your health. He continued to stare up at the sky, feeling a strange sense of company while the young sister knelt at your bed. As the hum of her hydro abilities finally dissipated, Xiao’s attention was drawn back to the room as Barbara began to stand back up.

Barbara seemed to wobble, however – Xiao straightened his back as he sensed her losing her balance, and disappeared from the rooftop in a puff of smoke. He reappeared just in time behind the young girl, catching her silently before she could hit the floor. He carefully set her down in an empty chair at the corner of the room.

“Ah- I’m sorry…” Barbara whispered, slumped over in her chair.

“Humans are feeble creatures.” Xiao spoke aloud, with no respect for Diluc and Kaeya who were asleep next to him. “You must have proper rest and understand your limits, otherwise you’ll end up like…”

His sentence fell short as he turned towards you, comatose in the bed. Moonlight from the window seemed to outline your features with a surreal glow. After looking this way for so long, Xiao had begun to miss all of the animated expressions your face would display when you were awake.

Barbara’s eyes widened slightly as she realized what Xiao was implying. She looked up at the Yaksha, meeting his amber eyes, and nodded with acknowledgement.

“I understand…” Barbara nodded, “Thank you.”

“I’ll help you back to your room once you’re able to stand.” Xiao responded. Although he despised being near humans, it was his duty as an Adeptus to help them. His eyes drifted back over to your sleeping body, taking this opportunity to watch you up-close before he would have to leave again and return to his perch on the rooftop.

~~~

The late afternoon sunlight reflected off the colorful peaks of Mt. Tianheng, casting an orange glow into Zhongli’s room at Harbor Hospital. The former Archon had spent the past week recovering in the hospital, forced by the staff to stay and rest despite his insistence that he was completely fine.

“Hey, hey, old man…” Hu Tao spoke, her crimson eyes staring up at the former Geo Archon who sat in the hospital bed. “Why is Miss Y/N so weak?”

“Hm?” Zhongli turned his amber gaze towards his young boss. “What makes you ask that?”

“Well,” Hu Tao responded, “I’ve never seen someone with such low health.”

“I see…” Zhongli responded. “Well, that sort of weakness doesn’t end there. She is also… unable to truly harm anyone. If she were to attack someone, the damage she deals has never been more than ‘1’...”

“How is that even possible?” Hu Tao questioned.

“I don’t know…” Zhongli murmured. “Nobody knows why she’s so weak, not even Y/N herself...”

“If she’s so weak, why did that stinky Harbinger take her to Snezhnaya?” Hu Tao continued to question the former Archon.

“The Cryo Archon…” Zhongli’s gaze darkened as he spoke. “...Believes to be her daughter.”

“Wait,” Hu Tao perked up at Zhongli’s statement, even more confused than before. “If Miss is the Cryo Archon’s mother, does that make her a God too?”

“Hmm…” Zhongli averted his gaze, staring down at his lap as he thought. He brought a hand to his chin, thinking over his next words carefully.

“Mister Zhongli?” Hu Tao pressed, wondering why he was taking so long to respond.

“Do you believe in reincarnation?”

Hu Tao blinked.

“Mister Zhongli,” Hu Tao gave a feathery light laugh. “I’m a funeral director. I’ll believe in whatever the client wishes to believe, for the sake of respecting their desires.”

Zhongli gave a hum, nodding to himself.

“There was a time when I believed she really was a god stripped of her powers.” Zhongli nodded calmly. “But there is no hint of the divine within her…”

“She’s just… normal?” Hu Tao questioned, tilting her head to the side. To her, you seemed anything but normal. You were old, far older than any human. Yet you managed to still exude the innocence and kindness of someone her age. You were weak, yet you were more brave than the Milleth. You loved Zhongli, but you still chose to leave him.

Hu Tao had never seen Zhongli truly upset until last week. When she walked into the main parlor to see her best consultant sitting alone with messy hair and a tear-stained face, something felt very different… something felt wrong. Zhongli had never seemed so distraught. He immediately excused himself from the room, far too humiliated about his state to give her any clue as to what might be wrong.

However, in hindsight, Hu Tao realized what was going on.

“I believe we can both agree the last word we’d use to describe her would be ‘normal’.” Zhongli responded smoothly. Hu Tao stared closely into the former Archon’s eyes and noticed something she never did before… The ache they seemed to have. There was a longing in his gaze – perhaps a mourning, even.

Was Zhongli… mourning you?

Hu Tao was a funeral parlor owner. She was an expert in mourning… but how could Zhongli mourn someone who is still very much here?

“I need to see her…” He murmured, looking down at his lap. He gathered the bedsheets in his hands, gripping them tighter as he balled his hands into fists, the grief threatening to overwhelm him.

The Geo Archon never cried. At least, not until you came into his life and uprooted everything he thought he knew. You gave him that glimpse of Celestia, that glimpse of home, only to take it all away from him when he realized you were only a human. Still, he loved you as a weak human with an unusually long lifespan. He loved you despite everything. He loved you even when you didn’t love him back.

“She’ll want to see you too.”

Zhongli was drowning until he heard those words from Hu Tao. His trail of thought stopped, his attention stolen away by the confident statement from the young girl – a young girl who had lived less than a fraction of the time you and he had spent apart.

And yet, he realized Hu Tao was right.

“I’ll go to see her.” He nodded, the ghost of a smile gracing his pale face.

~~~

“Did you hear Xiao last night?” Kaeya questioned, glancing over at his brother. The sun had risen above the horizon and illuminated the room enough to rouse both brothers from their sleep.

“Ngh…” Diluc’s voice was thick with sleep as he raised one hand to rub at his bleary eyes. “I don’t remember hearing anything.”

“That’s because you snore like a Lawachurl.” Kaeya quipped.

“No, I don’t.”

“Actually, you do.” A pale and naturally exhausted-looking Rosaria quipped as she swung open the door and walked into the room.

“G’morning, Rosaria.” Kaeya spoke. “You’ve looked better.”

“So have you.” Rosaria responded. “I’d put the tone away for now, though. The young miss has a guest.”

Both brothers perked up at Rosaria’s announcement. The clacking of boots against the wooden hallway floor drew their attention towards the doorway. A familiar head of fluffy blonde hair appeared around the corner, bringing a smile to Kaeya’s face.

“Why hello there, Chief Alchemist.” He spoke, standing up from his chair.

“Good morning, Cavalry Captain.” Albedo nodded in acknowledgement before turning towards Diluc. “And good morning, Master Diluc.”

The Alchemist turned towards your sleeping body, eyes scanning up and down as he analyzed your state.

“I came as soon as I heard about her… situation.” Albedo spoke. “Thank you for writing, Kaeya.”

“I thought you might want to know.” Kaeya responded.

“My only question is…” Albedo stepped closer to you, staring down at your serene face and the delicate health bar that hovered above it. A tiny ‘5/25’ was displayed at the end, evidence of your steady yet painfully slow recovery. “...why has her maximum HP increased?”

Both Diluc and Kaeya paused for a moment.

“She completed four ascensions.” Kaeya explained bluntly.

“Ascension?” Albedo’s eyes lit up with wonder. “How did she manage to complete her first one, let alone four?”

“She… had help.” Diluc spoke bitterly, his expression dark.

Albedo could tell from Diluc’s response alone that your current situation was likely related to whatever help you had received with your Ascensions – and from the look on his face, Albedo thought it would be best to ask about what happened another time.

The young Alchemist decided a change of topic would be for the best.

“Ah, I have something to show you.” He looked down, rummaging through one of his pockets and producing a neatly folded piece of paper. “These are her blood test results.” He handed the paper to Kaeya, who unfolded it carefully and looked over the neatly written list of substances and their values.

“Am I supposed to interpret something from this?” Kaeya questioned, tilting his head as he looked at the paper. Diluc peered over the Cavalry Captain’s shoulder, trying to get a better look at what was written.

“Um, yes, the results show almost everything is within normal values for any person.” Albedo explained, stepping closer to also hover over the paper. “But this protein here,” He pointed to a word that Kaeya most certainly could not pronounce. “Every human is produced with a certain amount of it, but over time it denatures and no longer becomes detectable. Her amount is so low that I had to extrapolate age using decay models from the Favonius Library.”

“We know she’s old,” Diluc spoke. “But just how old is she?”

“The lower the quantity, the less accurate the measurement will be…” Albedo mused. “But my estimate is at least two millenia old… possibly closer to three.”

“Two… thousand years?” Kaeya’s visible eye grew wide as he glanced over at your unconscious body.

“So she… was born during the Archon War?” Diluc stated, unsure of how to feel about this new discovery.

“Potentially.” Albedo responded. “But the more shocking result is that everything else is completely normal. There’s no clue as to why she is so weak, nor why she can wield all seven elements. That’s why I’d like to continue testing.”

Diluc paused. He and Kaeya had both already accepted the fact that your abilities were simply another mystery to the natural world. Albedo’s insistence on continuing to search for answers surprised both of them.

“As expected of our Chief Alchemist.” Kaeya hummed.

Diluc was about to speak up when the door to the room swung open rather violently as a flustered Jean stepped in to glance around the room.

“Has anyone seen Klee?” She panted, still trying to catch her breath from running around looking for the small seven-year-old.

“N-no, we haven’t.” Diluc responded.

“I lost track of her outside the cathedral. Please keep an eye out, and let me know if you spot her-”

Jean’s announcement was cut off by a cloud of smoke that appeared in front of her. With a swirl of Anemo, Xiao appeared between Jean and the three men, and in his arms was a squirming child. His gloved hands gripped under her armpits, allowing her arms and legs to dangle freely.

“Waa hahaaha!” An exuberant Klee giggled, kicking her legs as the disgruntled Yaksha held her out towards Jean. “That was so much fun, thanks mister grumpy kid!”

“Please, control your tiny mortal.” Xiao muttered.

“Oh- uhm,” Jean stammered, taken completely by surprise. “Thank you,”

Jean carefully took Klee from his hands, and as soon as Xiao was no longer touching the young girl he disappeared in another puff of smoke.

“Bye, mister!” Klee giggled.

“I…” Jean spoke to the three men who stared back at her in shock. “I’ll get going now.”

Jean stepped backwards out of the room, still holding Klee with both hands. The door fell shut behind them. Diluc and Kaeya turned towards each other, realizing that the Yaksha must have been nearby.

“Was Xiao here… this whole time?” Kaeya mused. Diluc, however, merely raised one hand to pinch the bridge of his nose to soothe the oncoming headache resulting from the chaos he had just witnessed.

~~~

Several minutes prior, Xiao was sitting on the rooftop of the monastery, enjoying the tranquility of the early morning. Very few people were up at such an early hour. The smallest smile began to grow across his lips as he gazed across the bright and cloudless sky. At least, until a strange scuffling noise nearly made him leap up and reach for his weapon.

Xiao’s senses were sharp. He could sense humans from hundreds of feet away, sometimes thousands if he concentrated hard enough.

However, a young girl seemed to have evaded his senses for long enough to come a little too close for comfort. His gaze snapped towards the small child, who seemed carefree as she happily jumped from tile to tile across the slanted roof.

“You shouldn’t be up here.” Xiao spoke sharply, a scowl forming across his face.

“Hi there, mister!” Klee spoke in a sing-song voice, walking towards the Yaksha.

“Stay back.” Xiao spat, backing away. He couldn’t risk his Karmic Debt bringing harm to a child. Klee paid no heed, however, and continued to follow him.

Seeing no other choice, Xiao teleported away, reappearing across the rooftop and far away from the child.

“Hehehe, you’re weird!” Klee shouted, turning around to chase after him.

“I said stay back, you shouldn’t be on this roof.” Xiao’s voice changed into a low growl as he teleported again.

“Why are you frowning when you’re a kid like Klee, and not a mean adult like master Diluc?” Klee asked, running across the slanted roof towards Xiao’s new location.

Xiao stopped, giving a borderline-chortle at Klee’s blunt statement.

“Mean adult…” Xiao muttered, realizing Klee had no comprehension of what age really was. Compared to the age of an Adeptus, Diluc was an infant.

Too caught up in his thoughts, he didn’t realize the enigmatic child had reached him until she grabbed onto the necklace around his neck.

The Adeptus froze with shock as he saw Klee’s hand around the beads strung around his neck.

“This is pretty, are you a girl like Klee?”

“Please let go.” Xiao spoke, his voice somehow softer despite Klee’s complete invasion of his personal space. “It’s very important to me.”

“Oh I see! Just like Klee’s Dodoco!” The child let go of Xiao’s necklace, beginning to shrug her backpack off of her back to show her pet to Xiao.

‘Has anyone seen Klee?’

Xiao could hear the Acting Grandmaster’s voice echoing from within your room, and immediately realized that the child in front of him was the missing Klee.

“So you’re a lost child.”

“Huh?” Klee asked, looking up as she rummaged through her backpack. She didn’t have any time to react as Xiao scooped her up and disappeared along with her, leaving behind only dark swirls of wind and smoke.

~~~

As Jean carried Klee back down the hall and to the Knights of Favonius Headquarters, the small child spoke up.

“Master Jean, was that the pretty lady I saw with big brother Albedo?”

“Hm?” Jean looked down at her, confused. “I don’t know…”

“She looked like a sleeping angel!” Klee exclaimed. “I wonder if she’ll play with me when she’s done with naptime.”

Jean’s expression fell, despite efforts to remain smiling for the child.

“I’m sure she’d love to, Klee.” Jean responded, her tone falling flat at the end of her statement.

Back in your room, the three men stood silently enough to overhear Jean and Klee’s conversation in the hallway.

Albedo felt a twinge of pain in his heart as he remembered the time you had met Klee with him. For a moment, he wished he had taken up your offer to go adventuring with you. Maybe, if he were there, you wouldn't be in the state you were in right now.

The Alchemist shook his head, breaking away from thinking about his regrets. He knew that this had occurred while you were with Master Diluc, the Cavalry Captain of the Knights, and an Adeptus. He knew logically that if those three couldn’t stop what happened, then there was no chance that his presence could help either.

‘She looked like a sleeping angel!’

Klee’s words echoed in Diluc’s head, and the redhead gritted his teeth as the description sent his thoughts right back to a certain Harbinger who used to refer to you as the same.

The one who was responsible for all of this.

~~~

The floor of Zapolyarny prison wasn’t cold anymore. At least, that’s what Childe thought as he laid sprawled on the bloodstained tiles. Nothing really hurt anymore; he didn’t really think anymore. Sometimes, when he would stare at the ceiling, he believed he could see your spirit smiling down at him. You were always illuminated by some heavenly light, reaching out as if to guide him towards the next life.

The next life, or Celestia.

Perhaps that was where your soul rested.

Through the torture, Childe’s apologies began to grow hollow. His thoughts trailed from wishing he hugged his siblings goodbye one more time to questioning how the benevolent Tsaritsa could kill someone as perfect as you and torture her most loyal Harbinger endlessly… How could the Tsaritsa be an Archon, when you, a weak human, were her mother? The only conclusion Childe could come to was that you became weak on purpose.

Choosing to become weak was something nobody could ever handle. It proved strength beyond raw power. It proved to him that you were the true Archon, the true God…

The true Angel of Celestia.

He began to pray to you through the torture. And as the metal doors scraped against the stone tile to allow the Tsaritsa to enter, his silent prayers to you resumed.

As the Tsaritsa walked, the click-clacking of her shoes made Childe’s body shudder with fear. It was as if his body operated on instinct. However, his silent worship stilled his mind, grounding him in a place far far away and allowing him to detach himself from the torture he knew was coming.

“There’s my disobedient Harbinger.” Tsaritsa cooed, the sickly sweet tone of her voice sounding poisonous. The mirror maiden that followed the Tsaritsa into the jail cell and shut the door behind them felt as sick as always. She knew she would have to ask Il Dottore for an amnesia potion after all of this, lest she have PTSD from witnessing the Tsaritsa commit atrocities against her own Harbinger.

The Tsaritsa was seething. She was still bitter from Childe’s refusal to kill you. Nobody disobeyed the Tsaritsa and lived – but Childe was one of her beloved Harbingers. He was endlessly loyal, willing to murder and sacrifice anything for her. And if she continued, she wouldn’t have a Tartaglia anymore – only an empty shell of a human.

Morozana pursed her lips, restraint not coming easily to her. She was still so bitter after everything that had happened… recent events brought back memories that left a sour taste in her mouth, and instead of facing them, she took out her anger on her beloved Tartaglia…

~Around 500 Years Ago~

The regions were fragmented, the Archons left scarred after Celestia’s call to war. Khaen’riah was wiped from the face of Teyvat… But the cost was far too great.

The Archons had convened in Liyue once again for their decennial meeting – or what was left of the Archons.

Raiden Ei stood still, her posture frozen and gaze unfocused. She had physically attended the meeting, but was mentally reeling from the recent loss of her sister.

Beelzebul may have seemed absent, but Barbatos was even further from any sort of presence. He gazed up at the clouds that blew in the powerful jetstream above Guili Plains, wishing he were a wind sprite once again. If only he weren’t bound to Celestia…

Morax glanced around at the Archons in attendance. What was typically a group of nine was now only four. Focalors, Barbatos, Baal, and himself… He had tried to get you to leave Xiao’s hospital room that morning to at least get some fresh air and see some old friends, but now he was glad you were back at the harbor and nowhere near this cesspool of broken Gods.

Morozana was late as usual, but this time, it was on purpose. She was seething – at first, she didn’t want to see her fellow Archons at all. But as the day ticked by, she realized she was losing her only chance this decade to find any semblance of an explanation.

As she approached the group across the field, her anger became uncontrollable.

“MORAX!” Her tone rose like a crescendo. “HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME?!”

Rex Lapis’s eyes went wide at the sound of the Tsaritsa’s voice. He turned to see Morozana storming towards the group, cryo crackling at her fingertips and eyes wild with fury. Her chest heaved. She scanned over the group, none of the others with half the mind to even respond.

“Morozana, I can explain-” Morax spoke, raising one hand up in defense.

“Oh, really? Now you decide to explain yourself?” She exclaimed furiously.

“I did not realize the gravity of what I was saying. I had no proof, and now I know I was wrong about her-”

“Shut UP!” Tsaritsa balled her hands into fists as she exclaimed. “After all this time keeping my mother’s survival a secret, how DARE you lie to cover yourself!”

“Morozana, she’s not the same-”

“Just how much more are you keeping from me, MORAX?!” Tsaritsa screamed, the grass surrounding her beginning to freeze as pure cryo energy radiated from her enraged body.

Rex Lapis stepped back. The Tsaritsa was going to become violent, and the last thing he wanted was for another war to break out between regions. Immediately attempting to defuse the situation, he relaxed his shoulders and rested his arms at his sides. He closed his eyes, letting out a deep breath, trying his best to appear calm during such a tense situation.

“Morozana.” Rex Lapis opened his eyes, his irises subtly glowing with golden light. “You will incur the Wrath of Geo if you attempt to start a war in Liyue.”

“Do NOT call me by that name!” Morozana screamed. Nobody deserved to call her by that name. The name given to her by you.

“War.” Raiden Ei spoke absentmindedly, “The enemy of Eternity…”

The Cryo Archon blinked, her gaze fluttering from Archon to Archon in the meeting. It took her no time at all to understand that any act of aggression in this meeting would spell the end for her nation.

She seethed, breathing sharply through her nose.

“I wish to never see any of you again.” Her words bit into the air like ice. “May you all erode in the Abyss.”

Turning heel, she stormed away from the group, swearing to never speak to them again. This was the end of her era as a cooperative god… she was done trusting and yielding to anyone else.

And to this day, Tsaritsa kept her word.

~Present Day~

Morozana inhaled slowly, her chest shuddering as her breath caught in her throat. The memory still had sharp edges as if it were freshly etched into her mind. However, she realized that Morax was right – you weren’t you anymore. You weren’t her mother. And now you were dead.

She had killed you.

“Maiden.” Tsaritsa beckoned, and the Mirror Maiden bristled.

“Yes.” She responded, shoulders tense, afraid of what the seething Archon might say next.

“Take Tartaglia out of here. He’s learned his lesson.”

“Yes, my Queen.” The tension in her body immediately began to relax as she realized this was finally the end of Childe’s torture. After a brutal week, Tsaritsa was finally done.

Without another word, Morozana turned on her heels and left. The absence of the Archon’s intimidating aura led the Mirror Maiden to collapse beside Childe, reaching for the broken Harbinger as she tried her best to use her healing skills on him.

“Hang in there, Master Tartaglia.” She murmured, the glow of hydro filling the jail cell. She knew that seven days of torture will have taken a toll on both his body and mind.

Little did she know, Childe wasn’t suffering anymore.

He couldn’t feel a thing.

~~~

Zhongli liked to visit Mondstadt. As a matter of fact, in the past decade he enjoyed visiting a certain Tavern during the springtime when new Monstadt wines from the most recent harvest would be released.

However, this time, there was a sense of dread that sat in his stomach as he approached the city walls.

Although the air was refreshing and the city was filled with bustling townspeople, he couldn’t muster up the same sense of joy he normally felt while visiting. He slowly made his way up the steps towards Favonius Cathedral, trying his best to remain grounded as he grappled with the fact he would finally be seeing you after everything that happened two weeks ago.

Before Zhongli even stepped foot in the Cathedral, Xiao materialized in front of him in his signature swirls of dark smoke.

“My lord,” Xiao spoke sharply, immediately taking a knee before him. “You came.”

“I need to see her.” Zhongli spoke poignantly.

“But you’re not fully recovered yet-”

“That doesn’t matter.” Zhongli responded, his tone sour and sharp. Xiao looked up at his Archon, noticing the pinch at the corners of his eyes and the slight downturn to his mouth – Zhongli was upset.

“I’ll show you the way.” Xiao bowed his head as he stood, turning around to lead the Archon.

The nuns seemed shocked to see the short Adeptus once again, believing that he had left weeks ago to return to Liyue. And when they saw him leading a strange man through the Monastery, they couldn’t help but wonder who could be important enough to warrant an Adeptal guide. Some of the keener sisters, however, knew that the strange brunette dressed in Liyuean business attire must be something more than human.

Yet Zhongli found it strange, to be walking through a place of worship for the absent god Barbatos, when he was Morax himself.

“She’s up here.” Xiao spoke when he reached a flight of stairs, Zhongli ducking to avoid hitting his head on the rasters as he climbed.

At the top was a narrow hallway full of rooms containing sick patients. Yours was at the end, marked only by a plain oak door. Zhongli reached out and turned the doorknob; it felt all too heavy, knowing you were on the other side.

As he stepped inside, he noticed how bright the room was; the sun shone through the sheer curtains that covered the window, casting a glow across the bed where you laid.

You were pale; paler than Zhongli had ever seen you before. The image of you resting motionless, lying prone in bed, unearthed painful memories from five centuries ago. The breath caught in his lungs; for the second time, you were hurt because of him.

You were beautiful; your appearance always seemed to be frozen in time. From the day Zhongli first met you, you hadn’t changed a single bit. He reached out one arm to caress your cheek, but stopped mid-gesture. He glanced over at Xiao who stood in the doorway, too afraid to enter yet at the same time unwilling to leave. He knew his karmic debt could slow your recovery.

“I see what you meant.” Zhongli spoke poignantly, the corners of his eyes pinching as he tried his best to remain composed. “She is still not awake.”

Xiao gritted his teeth, unsure of how to respond. He didn’t want to tell Zhongli what Rosaria had warned them about… But he knew his master had to know the truth.

“I…” Xiao began, his sentence falling short. He took a deep breath before continuing. “The nuns said she may never wake up. The Cryo Archon will pay… Childe will pay for what he’s done.”

“No,” Zhongli murmured. “There is no greater good that comes from Vengeance. She will wake up... I can feel it.”

Xiao’s eyes widened as his breath caught in his throat. How could Zhongli feel it?

As his mind reeled with what he was just told, Xiao looked up at his Archon only to see him seething with unimaginable anger. Zhongli was no longer morose… his jaw was clenched, his hands balled into fists, and his shoulders were completely stiff.

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to stop this from happening in the first place.” Zhongli’s voice quaked with anger, resentment, guilt. “I should have never let her leave.”

Xiao was speechless as he felt the room radiate with Geo energy. A hum began to fill the air, the ground beginning to shake beneath their feet.

As much as he wanted to remain calm, Zhongli was spiraling; he thought that seeing you would calm his anxiousness, to fill the emptiness you had left when you were kidnapped. Yet instead, seeing you in this state only made him feel worse. It reminded him of all his mistakes; all his regrets…

“What’s going on?!” Diluc’s voice could be heard from down the hall.

“Is this an earthquake?” Kaeya added, the two men rushing towards your room. They pushed past Xiao, paying him little mind as they reached the doorway. Looking into the room, they realized the source of the tremors that shook the monastery.

“Zhongli…” Diluc murmured, coming to a stop in front of the former Geo Archon who seemed to be overwhelmed by a myriad of emotions.

“Hm,” Zhongli grunted, looking up to see the two brothers. At that moment, the tension in his body began to dissolve as his thoughts were finally dragged away from you. “Oh, hello…”

“It’s… good to see you, Zhongli.” Diluc spoke, knowing that meeting under any other situation would be better than this.

“...I’m sorry.” Zhongli murmured as his gaze turned towards the floor, regret painted on his face.

“Why would you be sorry?” Diluc asked.

“This is all my fault.” Zhongli spoke. “If only I-”

“It’s not your fault.” Kaeya cut in, his voice calm yet clear. The Knight could clearly tell the state Zhongli was in; it surprised him, knowing how old and powerful he was, Kaeya didn’t realize he could still be susceptible to such strong emotions. “What’s done is in the past. All we can do is look towards the future.”

Zhongli was speechless. Kaeya was using a piece of advice that Zhongli used to give to clients he consulted at the Funeral Parlor… it was even advice he used to say to old friends all too long ago.

“But more importantly… Why is your health bar so low?” Kaeya pressed further, eyeing the unusually low 24,000/60,000.

Zhongli blinked, realizing he was walking around with an obvious indicator of his predicament. Although healing potions didn’t come cheap, as a consultant he knew it would be rude to walk around with anything less than his maximum. However, his situation couldn’t be resolved with mere potions.

“I had an unfortunate encounter with some slimes on my way here…” He spoke carefully, mindful of his choice of words. “I haven’t had the chance to get a potion yet, but fear not. I’ll pick up one on my way home.”

“I see. I’ll send some cavalry out to make sure the path home is clear.” Kaeya knew Zhongli was lying – but accepted it nonetheless.

“Thank you,” Zhongli nodded in return. “I should get going, now.”

Zhongli began to walk out of the room, but spared one glance back at your comatose body. He so desperately wanted to reach out to you, to caress you, but he knew that if he had any more of you he would be unable to stop himself from crawling into the bed with you just to embrace you again.

“Take care of yourself, Zhongli.” Diluc spoke up, and the former Geo Archon blinked. He was surprised by the simple yet precise snippets of advice the two brothers were giving him – and he was surprised by how much he needed to hear it.

“Thank you.” He hummed, stepping out the door and beginning to walk down the hallway. “Xiao, come with me.”

“Huh?” Xiao murmured, taken aback by the sudden command from his Archon. Yet, his loyalty did not falter as he immediately followed after Zhongli.

“Please return to Wangshu Inn.” He commanded, and dread began to sink in Xiao’s stomach.

“But she’s still not awake-” Xiao began to argue, desperate to remain by your side.

“She’s in good hands.” Zhongli answered sharply, continuing his path down the hallway and out of the Monastery. “It is time for you to return to Liyue.”

“Yes, my lord.” Xiao spoke, understanding the command, but unable to comprehend how Zhongli could feel fine leaving you like this.

~~~

“I’m surprised the God of Geo could lose that much HP on a simple journey from Liyue Harbor to Mondstadt.” Diluc mused, gazing down at your serene face.

“Former God.” Kaeya quipped, “But that’s not the point.” He gestured towards your sleeping body. “Don’t you find it peculiar that both of them have the same fraction of their HP left?” He turned to stare into Diluc’s crimson eyes.

“What do you mean?” Diluc questioned. “She only has 10 hit points, and Zhongli has almost 24 thousand.”

“24 out of 60 thousand.” Kaeya responded, then turned back to point at your health bar. “And 10 out of 25.”

“Oh…” Diluc murmured, falling silent. What Kaeya was insinuating had implications far greater than anything Diluc had considered… If your health was somehow related to Zhongli’s, then that could be the reason why you lived through the Tsaritsa’s attacks.

Both brothers continued to stare at your motionless face, shocked by what they had both concluded. They knew you were full of enigmas, but they had no clue that some of these mysteries were quite literally connected to the former Geo Archon.

A faint whimper broke the silence of the room, one far too high-pitched to have come from either brother; nonetheless, the two exchanged glances, just to make sure it really didn’t come from the other.

That was when their heads snapped to face your bed; your once-serene expression began to shift, brows pinching together, eyelids fluttering.

“She’s waking up!” Diluc exclaimed, rushing towards your bedside and hovering over you. Kaeya followed, eager to finally see you move.

“Give her some space, Diluc.” Kaeya snapped, grabbing onto Diluc’s shoulder to drag him backward. The redhead merely grunted, moving only slightly. Both men had their eyes trained on your face as you seemed to finally breach the boundary of consciousness.

Your eyes were bleary, the light in the room too bright as you tried to open them. You could hear Diluc and Kaeya speaking about something in the room, but you couldn’t quite see them yet. The previous events slowly came back to you piece by piece; your senses felt overwhelmed by the sudden stimuli, and you could tell that because of this, you must have slept for a long time.

You groaned, ghost pains shooting down your body now that you were finally aware of your own limbs. You shifted, moving your arms and legs, feeling that all of them were still attached. Your eyes slowly began to adjust, and you could make out Diluc’s messy head of red hair next to Kaeya’s neatly combed blue.

Kaeya’s hand instinctively drifted towards yours, grabbing onto your fingers tightly. Kaeya had to suppress the sob of happiness that overcame him when he finally felt you squeeze back.

Diluc fell to his knees, clinging onto the bed sheets you laid in to keep him steady. You were finally awake enough to process the expressions on both of their faces – concern, relief, joy…

You hoped you hadn’t worried them too much – although you had no idea just how much you terrified them this time around. They really thought they were going to lose you.

Yet, the first thing you decided to say was something that came from your half-lucid state and your desire to lift the expressions on both of their faces.

“I lived, bitch.” You cracked a smile, your voice hoarse and throat dry.

Diluc let out a chortle. Kaeya glanced from you to the redhead and back before a soft and low rumbling laughter escaped his lips as well. You began to laugh as well – although your laugh was more of a groan, with how out-of-it you were. However, you were happy that you had succeeded in cheering them up nonetheless.

Kaeya regained his composure rather quickly, returning a far wittier quip.

“That’s something only you would say.”

~~~

Read the next chapter here.