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heliads · 1 year

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just a short time chapter three: my hand was the one you reached for

Y/N L/N and Nikolai Lantsov have already fallen in love. They have yet to meet. Their stories are over and done. There is far more to the world than just one series.

this time: Alina Starkov is somewhat of an enigma. No one quite knows where she came from nor how she was found by Aleksander. Mal would know, but she cannot reach him no matter how hard she tries.

this chapter's song: the great war

chapter two / series masterlist / chapter four

Alina Starkov is not very sure of anything that she is going to do with her life, but in all fairness, she’s hardly started. The truths of her apparent innocence are everywhere she looks. The doorman at her shiny new apartment, the one her label bought for her, still calls her ‘kid’ with that same guilty tone under his breath, like even he regrets the role he has in bringing her closer to the sort of life that can only pull you down. Alina doesn’t scare easily, but she doesn’t like it when others do. Not here.

Alina does not have much of a sense for the temperaments of big city residents, but from what she can gather, they range from colorful to fiercely independent to devastatingly sorrowful. She wonders what they’ll paint her as later, when they stop seeing her eyes as just wide and hopelessly naïve. Maybe she’ll be a martyr, maybe a temptress, maybe a ruination. All three seem equally impossible.

So too does the fact that she’s even here at all. Alina was fully prepared to live and die in a small country town, and never come all the way to the flashiest city this side of the True Sea. Keramzin is a smudge on a map, hardly labeled unless by orphan cartographers in need of proof that they came from anywhere but the dust and ashes of everyone else. Alina has always been fond of maps. Even when you’re far from home, you can trace your ink-stained finger back over the worn paper and let your soul slip back to familiar territory if your body cannot.

She’s truly far from home now. Gone are her acres of gardens, her back roads leading nowhere, her former life. The only sign that Alina hasn’t gone and left the planet altogether is the fact that she can still look up and see the sun and moon dangled in the heavens every morning and night. Even those familiar sights are changed, though; the endless light in a city that never sleeps means that Alina catalogs her days under starless skies. The only constellations she’ll get are the flickerings of lights left on in towering skyscrapers, and even those must go out on occasion.

Alina supposes that she’s meant to be more grateful about all of this. Most people would sell their soul to leave Keramzin, and the fact that she’s already been accepted by such a prominent record label is nothing short of stunning. Aleksander is well known for his power, his influence. As long as he’s in her court, she can surely have nothing to fear.

Yet Alina’s still hunting for some sign that she could ever return home. She misses her old life, that much is true. She misses it more than anything, but not more than him. There’s a boy waiting for her at home, if he hasn’t already moved on. His name is Mal Oretsev, and he’s the reason that Alina will never truly be satisfied here. The gaudiest cities could feel like home so long as he was there with her. Even when Alina had no home, no family, she had him.

Thus the loneliness cuts like a blade. Separation has never been Alina’s best friend, and it’s her cruelest enemy right now. She tries to throw herself into her work, hoping that the anguish of wanting someone with you like a phantom limb means she’ll have more inspiration for her songs, but it doesn’t work, not really.

The disappointment only ever belongs to Alina, apparently. She’s unsatisfied with her debut album, seeing only half efforts and incomplete goals, but to the general public, it’s the work of saints. Copies fly off the shelves, and people are streaming her music like it’s pure sunlight, all they need to get through a day with a smile on their face. Alina smiles and accepts their praise, but all she can think is that this means they’ll need her here for longer, that her departure date is pushed off again, if it ever existed at all.

Throughout it all, Alina keeps writing home. Mal should have her address, she made sure to give it to him before she left, but her mailbox is empty of letters bearing his name. She writes damn near constantly, keeping him up to date on everything from the thrills of guitar practice to the pitfalls of having to negotiate with record label execs, but nary a response ever returns to her. Alina counts the days since she’s left until they grow far too great in number, but even then, she still harbors a secret hope that he might come back. She just has to get through this, that’s all. At some point, it will end. It has to.

Alina Starkov is half sure that she’s already achieved all she could, and the world must agree, because in their eyes, she’s already over. Alina had spent quite a good bit of time looking for reasons to hate the agency, the label, everyone there for taking her away from her former life, but it turns out she wasn’t wrong to doubt Aleksander and his treacherous kindness. He had a way of keeping secrets that didn’t agree with her, especially when those secrets involved him using her and manipulating her contract to get what he wanted.

Alina doesn’t like being a pawn. Few people do. So, when Alina saw the chance to leave, she took it and ran for the hills. In a perfect world, this is the part where she’d be hiding away from it all with Mal, but nothing here is good, so she’s on her own. It wouldn’t be the first time. She doubts it’ll be the last.

She doesn’t have much to do, but that’s alright by her. Alina doesn’t have to do anything but survive. She has enough money and resources built up through the brief stint that she was under Aleksander’s influence that she could live on forever so long as she was careful about it. Alina doesn’t want to be anything but careful again.

She can still vividly picture that last day in her head. It had felt good, storming out, but she had taken one look over her shoulder at the friends she was leaving behind and the sweet taste of victory on her tongue started to sour. They would be proud of her for getting out, she thinks, but Saints, if she doesn’t wish they could get out as well.

Maybe that will be her fate until the end of days, to sit back in relative safety and regret it. This has been her great war, her fight without reason, but this sense of betrayal permeates her quiet haze, making Alina wonder if the surrender ever really came at all. Aleksander is still out there, still weaving his sickly web around more songbirds with stars in their eyes as of yet unsnuffed.

She’s already been replaced, or so she’s heard. There’s a new young thing in town. Her smile is brighter, her naivete is greater. Rumor has it Aleksander is swearing to all the papers in town that this stand-in is better than anyone he’s ever heard before. Alina could hate her if she tried, but instead, she just feels pity. Silently, Alina screams out a warning to the girl currently in over her head: Y/N L/N, wherever you are, run.

No one will hear her, of course. Alina is as of yet undetectable by rivals and friends alike. She had a brief hope that, after leaving Aleksander, she would hear back from Mal, like he would know that it was alright to come out of hiding, but still nothing. She has yet to leave the city, maybe that’s what did it. One day Alina will return to rolling hills and open skies, but until then, her hand will stay empty of anyone brave enough to hold it.

Still, she misses him. As if she could do anything else. Some days she hates him for never trying to find her, and other days she vows not to cry anymore only to follow up her oaths with sobs mere moments later. Alina can justify anything in her head, but not him. Not when he was always too good for any half-effort excuses.

Alina has taken to wandering for an afternoon down to a local tea shop. It reminds her of one she used to frequent with Mal back when they were both nobodies from Keramzin. That one was different: a little brighter, a little better, but of course that could just be the gilded glow bestowed to anyone’s favorite memories. It was called The Meadow, and to them, it was everything. Alina can remember about a thousand different mornings and evenings spent huddled together in their favorite booth, light streaming in through the window to cast the air in warm gold.

She’d run there to hide one time when she finally learned she was going to have to move to the big city for Aleksander’s record label. Alina had dropped a teacup ‘by accident’ and cut her hand pretty badly. She had hoped that the scar would ruin the expectation of prettiness no doubt required by such an important label, but no. It didn’t work, not for long. Nothing in this world ever does, but maybe that’s just the pessimism of too many harried years speaking from inside her dusty, brittle ribs.

The past whispers to her, screams from its crypt, that she will never truly be able to leave it behind. Perhaps she won’t. Alina isn’t sure that she has a choice. To distract herself, Alina clicks on the news, and hears all about how she’ll soon become an archaic relic that no one would ever remember. It almost puts a smile on her face to hear how quickly she’ll be forgotten. Anonymity would be nice, but never hers, not really. Not ever.

Alina Starkov still has one more story to tell, and of everyone to be surprised by that, she must be the most affected. The means of continuing on showed up at her doorstep, first a boy and then a girl. Nikolai Lantsov was not meant to be hers, that’s why Alina didn’t take his abrupt arrival and departure all that much to heart. Sure, it was fun to pretend for a while, but he wasn’t Mal and she wasn’t Y/N, and that made everything much more pathetic.

She did visit Y/N once, right before the news of Alina’s breakup with Nikolai went public. Alina couldn’t stay away anymore. Call it morbid curiosity, call it fascination, say what you will. Alina met her second incarnation, but she was still happy she left Aleksander’s label behind. That must be growth, or at least some sort of appeasement of ghosts long since dead.

Y/N’s a good kid, even if she gets lost in her head a little too much. Alina wants to reach out and shake her, tell her that the opinions of the public will always be there, will always be bad, but she knows Y/N has to figure that out for herself. When Y/N comes around a few weeks later and asks for her help, though, Alina isn’t about to refuse. Especially not when it involves sending Aleksander’s career to the grave once and for all.

Especially not when she hears who Nikolai got to help out in their whole battle. It has been years since Alina saw Malyen Oretsev, but she swears he’s only gotten better in that time. She opened the door to Y/N’s apartment and there he was on the threshold, ready to step inside. Alina was ready to curse him out, to fly at him in fury, but he looked up at her with that same cautious half-smile, that gaze with honor and truth, and that was it; she called off the troops, all was well.

They did technically work that day, but most of their time was spent huddled together on Y/N’s couch, talking in whispered voices about everything they’d lost. Even afterwards, Alina took him to her favorite tea shop. Mal took one step inside and absentmindedly remarked that it reminded him of the Meadow. Alina had to stare at the menu with great fixation lest she burst into tears.

It was good, though. All was healed. She was half afraid that she’d be speaking to a stranger, but no. This is Mal, she could never truly lose him. They both shared similar stories about trying to reach out to each other but never getting a response, and that’s when Alina realized that Aleksander had placed another layer of subterfuge and torment on her without her even knowing.

Forgiveness was quick after that. They missed each other, and any moment filled with misguided anger was worthless. Alina whispered a quick promise under her breath, a vow that they would never fight anymore, and even as the syllables left her tongue, she knew they would stay true until the very end. Mal sets his cup down and reaches for her hand. They are quiet, blissfully so, and Alina reads the words in between their space: the worst is over, at last. The war is over.

series tag list: @neelia-ficrecs

grishaverse tag list: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @mxltifxnd0m, @story-scribbler, @retvenkos, @thatfangirl42, @amortensie, @gods-fools-heroes, @bl606dy, @auggiesolovey

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peraltuki · 1 year

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Oh Lord ‼️‼️‼️‼️

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jeanthebeagle · 17 days

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Grishaverse/Ketterdam dashboard simulator

🪙 Barrelrat1877 follow

just spilled my drink on a Fierdan's boots and now he's threatening to duel me. Should I call the stadwatch??? I'm lowkey scared.

#guys please help me

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🐦 Dregsconfessionsofficial follow

SUBMISSION: Last night I was walking around the barrel and I saw dirtyhands petting a dog. Like I'm not even joking, no gloves and all. And it was one of those crusty white ones.

#submission #omg I hope he washes his hands??? # those dogs are so crusty

10,350 notes

🌊 tidesofthecanals follow

Final results from 672 votes

♠️ kvasandass follow

Razorgulls stop sending anon hate to op over a poll challenge, level impossible, no glue no borax.

#i hope they get caught for tax fraud

380 notes

🐝 thislittlelife follow

A drawing my talented daughter made of Sankta Alina. We pray to her each night 🙏🙏🙏

🐾 magic-tricks follow

46.244.29.14

🍄 thekingofravkaishot follow

hello??? Omg. Why would you dox someone just like that??? This is literally putting them in danger. It's just a sweet mother with her child, who posted a drawing. What is wrong with you.

🏵️ krugebythedozen follow

Op admitted to lying like a year ago about how they don't actually have a kid, but took the post down. It's probably a dime lion trying to troll us like they did in mass when sankta alina died. Also, respectfully, shut up. You posts thirst traps and long drawn out texts on how the king of ravka is "babygirl”. Go get help.

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🤝 theholyhandofghezenofficial follow

To the citizen who spread a highly damaging rumor that we were hosting a petting zoo inside the church, please come to talk to us. You are not in danger, but words will be exchanged. Lots of trouble was caused due to careless behavior.

⚖️ ketterdamfails follow

Womp womp

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🎀 justapigeon follow

Hey guys. Sorry I haven't been able to update my Pekka Rollins x Jan van eck fanfic. I've been searching for my mom for almost a week since she ran away after hearing that you had to get a vaccine for Firepox after the last outbreak. (She believes in praying to the saints.)

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🍪 eatthemerchs follow

I hate all of you. Why is this website making Kaz Brekker a soft boy when he literally MURDERS PEOPLE. No, he won't cry if you hug him. No he doesn't want to pet your dog. He'll take your eye out.

Stop romanticizing crime, all of you are sick.

(I am TIRED of the dog memes. Brekker is a crime boss. Why would any of you think he'd even care about your dog.)

🐾 magic-tricks follow

Your border collie is nice. But your chihuahua barks too much.

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🦂 northerstaverner follow

literally just saw some tall ass guy with a huge gun, a revolver and the brightest outfit l've ever seen, trot past my window??? In broad daylight??? Like oh my god. It felt like looking at a stork who made a wish he was human. His clothes were purple and green. Who wears that. Like, iconic. But still.

🐰 jeepsteristhebestshot follow

But was he handsome

🦂 northerstaverner follow

He was built like a stork.

🐰 jeepsteristhebestshot follow

But was he handsome???

🦂 northerstaverner follow

I'm not answering that... who is this.

🧁sugarandredribbons follow

Op answer

☁️ theweststavesucksass follow

Op we all want to know

🫵 isthisbarrelbossproblematic follow

OP THIS IS AN URGENT MATTER

🫀dmitrithekerchman follow

OPPPPP

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ekbelsher · 12 days

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Alina and Mal get attacked by volcra, and her Sun Summoner powers finally show up (for the Litjoy Shadow and Bone box set)

#shadow and bone #alina starkov #malina #mal oretsev #grishaverse spoilers #the grisha trilogy #grishaverse #the grisha series #book characters #fantasy illustration #ya fantasy #volcra #sun summoner #fantasy art #ekbelsher

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liel28 · 3 months

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"maybe in another universe I just get to be a kid and not trying to save everyone."

The other universe:

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adriiivna · 3 months

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Alina and the Morozova Stag

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karinagiada · 3 months

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Sankta Alina ✨

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #the grisha trilogy #the grisha series #alina starkov #alina x darkling #sun summoner #sankta alina #leigh bardugo #illustration #watercolor #artists on tumblr #painting #traditional art #gold paint

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renegadesstuff · 1 year

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More BTS 🥰❤️

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone series #shadow and bone season 2 #shadow and bone bts #ben barnes #jessie mei li #archie renaux #the darkling #alina starkov #malyen oretsev #SAB #SOC #soc spinoff #six of crows cast #six of crows spin off #six of crows

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savethegrishaverse · 5 months

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We have been over the moon to get all the support we have been - no matter what happens to the future of our show and spinoff, we are truly grateful to be in a fandom such as this. Keep showing support to the cast and crew. Keep talking about how much you love this grishaverse. It IS being heard, no matter how small your voice may feel!

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aysegust · 1 year

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My Light In the Dark. - N.L

A/N: Okay, so this was a request and let me give you a warning... I haven't read Nikolai based books and stuff. I only read SoC and Crooked Kingdom due to something else... I want to read all of the books but It would be probably slowly in time. So this is based on S&B season 2... I hope you'll like my version of him. Have a nice reading! Request: you are having a nightmare in middle of night, you walks as you knock the door, you hear unlock it was nikolai, he was half naked, he seem concern about you, he might be worried as he comfort you as well. *fluffiness* Warnings: A bit angst at start but fluff in the end :) sobachka... Word Count: 1,6K

You were running. As the moonlight caressed your cheek, you were running so fast like your whole life depended on it.

What you felt was so strong. You felt cold sweated fear so deeply as you ran to find him. You were too caught up in the idea that he was just laying on the ground with pale skin, and eyes that shine so brightly went just blank looking at the sky. You were scared about the idea of losing him.

So you ran, you ran to find him to help him. But you couldn’t find him in that damned forest of Ravka as you searched for him. Suddenly, you found yourself in the Little Palace. As you looked at your sides, you saw lights slowly numbed. You didn’t know that you held your breath. You’ve never felt that much fear before. As you searched through Little Palace, you instantly stopped by the dining hall.

You held the doorknob as you pushed it aside as you entered the door. You saw floors covered in bloody footsteps. As you walked quickly inside, you saw a man laying on the floor. You felt your dry throat as you looked at him.

You were in pure shock as you froze at your place. You tried to go to him but something was blocking your way. Darkness flooded into the room, and as you turned behind, you saw Kirigan. “You…” You whispered with such full of rage. “You did this to him!” You yelled as you stepped closer to the boy you adored secretly, laying on the floor, without moving, without consciously. “He is not dead, but will be.” You heard Kirigan’s low but sharp voice.

“As I told you earlier, you should’ve followed my order.” He sighed. “Instead, you betrayed me, to what?” He smirked. “To take sides with the Sun Summoner?”

You looked at him with disgust. “I’ll never follow you. You are the reason why all of us feel pain in this country!” You yelled at him. “You used Grisha’s! You used us.” You felt rage in your veins as you held your hands up to move them in a. sync way, you felt paralyzed.

“You can’t kill me.” He said, then you hear a soft whimper. You turned your gaze to the floor as you saw him. Nikolai. Whispering your name sweetly but with pain. “No!” You screamed.

You wake up in a cold sweat. You looked around and you saw nothing but your room surrounding you. Nothing about darkness, just a soft candle lighting the room. You got up from the bed and you looked at yourself in the mirror.

It was just a dream. You thought. However, when you looked in the mirror in front of you, you felt pathetic. You slowly walked to your restroom to wash your face, you felt the uneasy feeling didn’t go away. So, you exited your room to wander into the palace to find him.

Nikolai and your relationship weren’t exclusive. Well, you weren’t a thing. You were under his command so many years as you knew him as Sturmhond first. You were a Grisha with Corporalki powers. When you were young, they came and took you from your parents. They tested you and found out as you were a Heartrender. You didn’t want to be apart from your parents but they took you away.

Your parents didn’t want you to be tested. However, they were late to figure out your powers. They wanted to hide you from ruthless people, from demanding Grisha’s… But when you grew enough to find a way to escape the Little Palace you took it and then your journey to earning money and finding a place to stay was on his side. He accepted you, into his crew as you found yourself in his ship, improving your skills with Tamar and Tolya, and felt accepted by him.

He wasn’t demanding, or he wasn’t cruel and greedy to you. He was anything opposite what your parents told you about the Lantsov family. He was genuine, sweet, boyishly handsome, and brave but so flirtatious.

In the meantime, as you were in his crew, you liked him through the years as you get to know him. However, you learned he has a flirtatious side, of course. So you didn’t let loose him over your misunderstanding crush on him. So, you stayed silent.

The rest was history.

As you felt yourself deep in thought, you didn’t encounter the idea that you were standing in front of his bedroom door. It was the middle of the night, so if someone would see you it would be probably some servant or guard.

You lightly knocked on the door, with shaky hands. When you didn’t hear something from the inside, you slowly turned away as you sighed.

When you heard a click from the door, you instantly turned around and saw him. He was confused to see you, and when you looked at him, you saw his shirtless body. You immediately turned your gaze onto the floor embarrassed about not respecting his privacy in the middle of the night.

Nikolai sweetly, smirked at you when you lowered your gaze and your blushed cheeks in the dim light. He broke the silence as you looked at him again. “Are you okay?” He asked. Finally, seeing circles under your eyes and when he looked at your eyes, he saw it was glossy and red.

He felt scared as he saw you like that. He immediately held your wrist as you were frightened. “Hey, hey… Y/N look at me.” He whispered and he was slowly pulling you inside his room to not be seen on the outside. You didn’t speak as he talked. “What happened? Are you hurt?” He checked you for a visible wound but he couldn’t find any. “No, I’m okay.” Your voice came out weaker than you expected.

You felt his warm and soft hand stroke your cheek, as you slowly closed your eyes. You felt his worried gaze towards you. “I,” you sighed. “I was having a nightmare.” You finally admitted as you opened your eyes and met with his caring eyes. You felt so safe around him.

“It’s okay, you are safe now.” He said as he leaned forward to you. “Nothing can harm you, I’m here.” You suddenly hugged him as he whispered those words to you. He smiled to himself. “Of course, you don’t need someone to protect you, you are the strongest person that I’ve ever seen, darling.” He said with a genuine concern for you.

You stayed still in his arms, feeling better and loved because of him. His presence always calmed your chaos. And he was the light of your life. He was shinier than the Sun Summoner.

But it wasn’t only you, he thought about it like that too. Nikolai always adored you. In his eyes, you were shining so bright than Alina. You were his light, his sun as you always made him feel appreciated, alright, and safe. He deeply knew he felt something more about you.

You were always in his mind. Sometimes you were whispering sweet things to him or you were bickering about a silly plan he made and well, he enjoyed thinking about you. More than that, he was glad that he found you. With you, he could be himself, more than just a boyishly handsome ‘sobachka’ prince of Ravka. or brave Sturmhond. He could be himself around you… He was in love with you.

He slowly caressed your hair to calm you. “Do you feel better, milaya?” You nodded your head onto his neck. You leaned away from him as you met his gaze. “I saw you.” You paused. “In my nightmare.” You looked deeply into his confused glances. “You were… You were bleeding and,” You closed your eyes as you relived the nightmare.

He held your hands immediately. “Y/N, it’s not real, I’m here.” You didn’t open your eyes. However, you heard his heartbeats. It was calming your nerves. You continued without opening your eyes. “You were laying on the floor and I tried to help you, but… I saw Darkling.” As you opened your eyes to meet his gaze you saw his confused gaze turn into anger. “Did he- come to you? Like how?” He was pissed off about hearing Kirigan destroying your night.

“No, he can’t… I don’t know.” You looked at him again. “We don’t have any connection.” He felt relieved. “I’m here and I’m not interested in going away anywhere from you.” He smiled at you. You looked at him in disbelief.

He smirked at your shocked glances. “You know, I am not this intense with anyone, right?” He asked you as you gave him a confused glance. He put the hair that was touching your face with his hand behind your ear. “I adore you, Y/N.” He said with a precious smile. “And I want my days to be filled with you.” He paused. “You are the reason that I’m still fighting. You are my hope to be a better king. My heart to be a better person and I…” You squeezed his hand. “I love you.” He said as he leaned toward you.

“Nikolai…” You smiled into his mouth. “I have always loved you, and I always will.” He kissed you then. With a kiss that held so much passion and love. You heard his quickened heartbeat as he kissed you so deeply, so sweetly and so gorgeously.

Oh, you love Nikolai Lantsov. You love every little detail about him. His fragile but strong nature… His amazing heart and his gorgeous soul… You adore his jokes and his braveness.

Nikolai meant everything to you. He meant home, he meant you.

#shadow and bone #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x you #nikolai lantsov x y/n #sobachka #nikolai lantsov and reader #six of crows #shadow and bone series #alina starkov #darkling #general kirigan #nikolai lantsov x heartrender! reader #nikolai lantsov x grisha! reader

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