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megalony · 1 year

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Look at us- Part 4

Here is the next part in this new Henry Cavill series, I hope everyone will like it, feedback is always appreciated.

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Summary: After losing a baby a few months ago, (Y/n) is still suffering horrible back pains that she needs strong painkillers to manage. But she has to be okay and in control to look after her family and she knows she is relying too much on pills to gain back her life and control.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What should he do?

An inner turmoil broke out in Henry's chest when he looked down at his wife next to him. This was the longest he'd known her sleep for in months. Since her back started to ache, (Y/n) hadn't been sleeping through the night and sometimes, Henry woke up and had to scout round the house until he found her asleep in the armchair downstairs. But he knew (Y/n) had fallen asleep not long after Brodie went to bed and it was almost half past eight in the morning and she was still spark out.

A big part of Henry wanted to leave (Y/n) and see just how long she would sleep for. It would do her a world of good to sleep properly and hopefully she would feel better whenever she woke up. But the other part of him wanted to wake her now so she didn't sleep too much and feel all the worse for it. She might be drowsy if she continued to sleep for much longer and he didn't want her to feel worse or sick or make her back go stiff from too much laying down.

Reaching out his hand, Henry brushed his fingers through (Y/n)'s hair, tucking a strand behind her ear and trailing his fingertips along her shoulder and down her exposed chest.

"Baby... I'm just off to take the kids to school, are you feeling okay?"

A soft hum vibrated against (Y/n)'s lips when she felt a pair of lips kissing her shoulder which slowly moved until they were peppering against her neck, making a shiver run down her back and a flush to creep onto her skin.

(Y/n) had just enough energy inside her to move her arms and hook them around Henry's neck so she could pull him closer to her until he had to lean down and plant his hands beside her head to stop from laying on top of her completely. Henry chuckled softly and kissed the corner of her mouth, smiling at how she clung to him despite being more than half asleep.

"I won't be long, are you gonna wake up a little for me when I get back, hm?" Henry kissed her soft lips before he slowly slipped his head underneath her arms to free himself.

(Y/n) barely felt him kissing her temple and when he left the room, she couldn't bring herself to wake up even though he'd asked so sweetly. Another half an hour escaped her while she slept before her body finally felt like it was able to wake up.

Everything kept circling and spinning around her when she tried to sit herself up and each joint creaked and snapped back into place when (Y/n) sat up and leaned against the headboard. She couldn't remember the last time she slept so deeply and peacefully without at least one twinge of pain waking her up early in the morning.

Over the course of this week, (Y/n) had been sleeping better and better but that was the first night where she truly slept properly and without pain and she knew exactly the reason why.

Tramadol.

After taking one too many at Amy's birthday party, (Y/n) had tried to stop taking them, she really did. But within two days of having none at all, she was feeling the withdrawal symptoms. She was shaking, going dizzy, feeling like she was going to be sick or pass out every few minutes, it had been horrible.

But she realised something, if she took a few tablets in the early evening, they made her feel drowsy enough to fall asleep and stay in a deep sleep. (Y/n) woke up feeling groggy and drugged for the first hour or so but then she was fine. And no one- mainly Henry, didn't worry or see her feeling sick or drowsy or collapsing because of the pills. Taking them at night took away all the tell-tale signs and symptoms of being on them, they were hidden behind her sleeping eyes.

(Y/n) knew it wasn't exactly healthy or good in the long term but she couldn't think long term, she had to think short term, the here and now. And right now, her back was causing severe agony that she had to control somehow and the tablets were the only thing that took even the slightest edge off.

When she got out of bed, (Y/n) trudged to the wardrobe and grabbed the closest things she could, wincing when she straightened up and felt her back click into place.

For a brief moment when she took off her shirt, her eyes couldn't help but glance in the full-length mirror opposite her.

The reflection (Y/n) was faced with didn't feel like her, somehow. When she was pregnant, her reflection had made her smile. (Y/n) liked the way her body changed to make room for a new life and she knew that Henry openly loved how she looked when she was pregnant. She had only been nearly six months when Lilah was born and her stomach didn't look to have changed that much, she only had a small bump and within a week of losing Lilah, it near enough deflated again.

Maybe her reflection wouldn't bother her so much if she had Lilah resting in her arms. Maybe (Y/n) could of smiled at herself if Lilah was in the next room asleep in her cot. She might have felt like her body had done as it should, as she willed it to do, if Lilah was here.

But she wasn't here and (Y/n)'s body had felt broken every day since giving birth to a sleeping baby.

A few stray tears coated (Y/n)'s cheeks while she pressed her hands to her tummy. She wished she was pregnant again, (Y/n) would give anything to rewind time and be connected to Lilah again, to try and push through and actually give birth to a healthy little girl.

If she was being honest, (Y/n) would still give anything to be pregnant right now without having to rewind time. If having another baby would repair the hole in her heart and make her arms feel full and content and would somehow stop the agonising pain in her back, (Y/n) would have a baby in a heartbeat.

She wanted a baby.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She needed them, she really, really, needed them. (Y/n) arched her back until it was as curved as it could possibly be and rested her head on her forearms that were crossed together on the kitchen counter. Her back strained and ached and tears welled in her eyes that she tried to push away.

With a deep breath, she raked her trembling hands through her bag, trying to find the little white box of pills. She had tried taking them just at night to get her to sleep and this morning she hadn't felt too bad but now, it was unbearable. (Y/n) needed to have the tablets now or she was going to explode.

A gasp escaped her lips when she felt a strong pair of arms encase around her lower waist. She could feel the way Henry restrained himself, his arms were a little loose around her and he didn't pull her back into his chest like he normally would, he was trying not to hurt her because he could see the pain she was in. His lips against the back of her neck momentairely made the pain fade away and a small slither of euphoria crept in for a few seconds.

"Everything okay, baby?" Henry kept his face nuzzled in the crook of (Y/n)'s neck and he breathed in her scent and her skin tickled his nose from how close he pressed his face to her neck.

If she wasn't in so much pain he would have spun her around and picked her up to sit on his hips but he didn't want to hurt her.

(Y/n) nodded and hummed a small noise but her hands were shaking so much she could barely pop out two tablets from the sachet. She should have paid more attention, if she did she would have noticed Henry had stopped kissing her neck and was looking over her shoulder instead.

"What're you taking?" Henry's tone of voice showed he wasn't looking for an answer, his voice was gruff and rugged and it made (Y/n)'s knees go weak, right until he took the box out her hand.

His chin nuzzled into the crook of her neck and shoulder and he could feel how it made his wife shiver but when he took the box of tablets from her trembling hands, his chest tightened.

What was she doing with tramadol? This prescription should have run out over a week ago and he hadn't seen (Y/n) take any of these this week, well, at least he didn't think he had. Six months was a long time to be taking something like this and Henry knew well enough to know they were addictive tablets which was why he had been relieved (Y/n) stopped taking them. They took the edge off but they didn't take away her pain fully so he didn't see the point in her having them anyway.

"Sweetheart..." There was something so deep and possessive in his voice that would have been sexy if (Y/n) didn't know what he was about to say next. "You told me you stopped taking these."

Moving his hands down to her hips, he spun (Y/n) around until she was facing him and his big arms stretched out beside her, caging her to his chest like a predator cornering his prey. When (Y/n) wouldn't look up to meet his eyes, he gently held her chin and tilted her head up so their eyes met.

"I just got them last week in case I needed them and I do... Henry, it's agony." (Y/n) could feel the tears falling from her eyes as she spoke. She did truly get them in case she needed them, but deep down, (Y/n) had known she would need them. She couldn't try and wean off them when the pain would only come back with vengence.

"Okay, let's see,"

For a brief moment, (Y/n) thought he was going to look at her back in case she had some kind of bruising or lump or something, but he reached behind her and grabbed the box of tramadol instead.

"Last week? How many have you been taking the box is nearly empty!"

(Y/n) couldn't help but wince when Henry's voice changed, it grew deeper but harsher at the same time in a way he didn't usually use around or with her. "I just, I-" What was she supposed to say? (Y/n) had taken one or two extra here and there when the pain was immensely difficult to handle. She took a few at night to get her to sleep and it was working, for the past few days she'd only taken them at night because during the day she had felt a bit better.

"Is this why you've been sleeping so much?"

"Yes, but I haven't been taking them during the day anymore, I take a few at night and it makes the pain stop and I can actually sleep. Henry I needed to take something, I can't keep waking up at two in the morning or sleeping on the sofa or in the armchair."

"Don't you see how dangerous that is?"

"It's not-"

Henry dragged his hand through his curls before scraping his fingers over his chin and jaw. He didn't want to get angry with (Y/n) because it was clear she didn't see this from his perspective or think it was bad. Shouting and arguing wasn't going to help either of them.

"If you overdose on these pills, you could go unconscious and if that happens at night, I'm not gonna know. You could be sick, choke, have breathing trouble and I'd be asleep baby and that's dangerous."

It was an addictive drug, when Henry had taken it he had to gradually reduce them to stop taking them. If (Y/n) stopped now after such a long time on them, she would be in withdrawal and it would make her sick and ill and her pain would be horrid.

But if she was taking too many tablets at night she could overdose and if that made her fall unconscious, Henry wouldn't know about it. She could be sick and choke and an overdose could affect her lungs and if it happened at night Henry was less likely to know or be able to help because he would be asleep. He understood she was taking them to control her pain and he knew she wasn't sleeping but she couldn't do this again.

"Sweetheart, look at me." Henry held her chin between his thumb and finger again and tilted her head up until their eyes met. "I need you to listen to me now. If you take just two extra pills, that's an overdose and it's dangerous. We need to talk to your doctor and slowly wean you off them so you don't go into withdrawal. You can't keep taking these forever and I don't want you on them if this is gonna happen again. Please talk to the doctor, we can get you some other pills, something better that will actually work for you. Please."

He didn't want to put his foot down but what else could he do?

(Y/n) couldn't keep taking them anymore, not if she needed to overdose to get any sense of pain relief, that wasn't how they worked. They could slowly get (Y/n) off them and put her on something different and stronger that would work better. She could have slow releasing capsuled painkillers that worked for a longer period of time so she didn't have to take so many each day.

Anything was better than tramadol if it clearly wasn't working.

"Okay." (Y/n) knew he was right and she knew Henry was only looking out for her because he loved her, but he had to understand that she couldn't cope with this ongoing pain any more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Y/n) wished water was pain medicine, that each drop of water that cascaded down onto her skin would somehow soak into her body and evict the pain she was feeling. She would stay in the bath or shower for twenty hours a day if it would take away the pain she was feeling.

She must have been in the shower for nearly half an hour now and at first, it had felt so soothing and calming to her burning, prickling skin. It had felt lovely to soak under the water and lean against the shower wall and let the steam surround her and make her feel better. It made her breathe deeply and the blistering pain started to simmer down.

But now, as she stood hunched over with both hands braced on the wall, all (Y/n) wanted to do was disappear.

Tears mingled in with the shower water and drenched down her already sodden face. Her lower back was throbbing like a hammer was repeatedly hitting against her spine and her stomach was churning and aching and she wanted to be sick. Sliding her hands down the wall, (Y/n) slowly lowered herself down until she was kneeling on the floor of the shower with the water hitting her lower back. Oh, she was going to be sick in a minute.

"Mummy, I'm coming in, I need the toilet." Ella slowly opened the door before she pottered in and headed over to the toilet, passing the shower that she could barely see through due to the steam.

When she was finished, she couldn't help but pad over to the shower in the corner of the room next to the bath. She didn't usually get a shower, the last time Ella had one, she had made a mess and managed to drench Henry from head to toe. So he restricted her to the bathtub from now on. She approached the sliding door and started to squiggle her finger against the steam, making a few patterns on the glass.

"Sweetie, will you go and get daddy for me please?"

"Okay," There was clear confusion in Ella's voice, she didn't see why (Y/n) wanted Henry in here when she was in the shower, but the little girl trotted off on her task.

Moving around, (Y/n) sat down and pulled her knees up to her stomach, willing herself not to be sick yet because she didn't have any energy to scuttle to the toilet and she really didn't want to be sick in the shower.

Her body jolted when the shower door opened and when her eyes locked with Henry's and she saw his big gentle giant smile, her chest seemed to burst. A small sob bubbled past her lips and her soaking wet arms reached out towards him.

(Y/n) didn't want to be a burden and deep down she knew she wasn't. Whenever Henry was under the weather or seriously ill, (Y/n) was always sat by his side. She brushed his hair from his eyes when he was sick, made sure he managed to eat and drink and keep up his strength and if he was feeling down she would hold him until he started to feel better. But she hated it when she couldn't do anything but sit and cry and wait for him to come to her rescue.

"Oh, babygirl."

Henry turned off the shower before he wrapped his arms around (Y/n) and slowly pulled her out of the shower. He walked over to the toilet and sat (Y/n) down just in time for her to lean over the sink and throw up.

He didn't say anything, he raked his fingers through her hair and gathered it up in his hands, putting it into a messy bun to be out of her way before he wrapped a towel around her shoulders.

When she finished, (Y/n) opened her eyes wide enough to watch Henry bend down between her legs and wrap his arms around her thighs with his hands resting on her bum. His lips pressed to her inner thigh despite trickles of water glistening on every inch of her skin and he leaned his cheek on her upper leg, smiling up at her adoringly.

"I don't feel good." (Y/n) knew it was obvious that she didn't feel well, she surely looked like Hell and she'd just thrown up in the sink but here was Henry, looking up at her like she was the most beautiful thing in the world.

"I know, but I'm gonna take care of you."

#henry cavill #henry cavill imagine #henry x reader #henry cavill fluff #imagine #pregnancy #pregnant! reader #look at us

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motleyfam · 1 year

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I posted 2,267 times in 2022

36 posts created (2%)

2,231 posts reblogged (98%)

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I tagged 454 of my posts in 2022

#the batman - 25 posts

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Longest Tag: 137 characters

#thinking of that ‘superman wrecking a whole ass train to save a child on the tracks who he could have just swooped away from danger’ post

My Top Posts in 2022:

hey! so its 4am and ive just finished my, um... fifth(?) reread of world's saddest breakfast club and like! aaahhhh!!!

do u got abything to tell us abt this story? like sbt the writing proccess or things u thought that did not make it in or hc or anything really. i dont have a question exactly, just wanted to hear you talk about it. im a bit. well. obssesed.

Oooh cool question! I definitely do!

World's Saddest Breakfast Club: Fun Facts

The opening line is a result of me angsting to @batmoniker about how I couldn't figure out how to start my fic, and her jokingly being like "I got you, bro. Ready? 'It was a dark and stormy night'" and then me just being stubborn and committing to the bit.

The story started with a vague idea of "everyone in the kitchen at 3am for different reasons and Jason channeling his inner short order cook." All I knew going in was the order I wanted people to appear, what was wrong with them (sick, hurt, insomnia, etc) and what food Jason would be making for them. Everything else I made up as I went.

If I could go back and change one thing about this fic, I'd reduce how long Jason was kidnapped to like, 6-8 days, max. 16 days seemed funny when I wrote it, but in hindsight, I feel like he'd be a little more fucked up in the story if he were really escaping from that many days of captivity lmao

I headcanon Dick as the kind of person who straight-up forgets to eat when he's preoccupied, and Jason as the kind of person who cannot FATHOM this concept. Jason absolutely will miss a meal if the situation calls for it, don't get me wrong, but he's aware the entire time he's doing it and it makes him super antsy. (This once turned into A Thing™ when Jason was like, 13 years old and staying with Dick for the weekend for some brotherly bonding and Dick forgot about lunch and by 5pm, Jason maybe sorta kinda had a minor panic attack about it. Dick was a lot more mindful of that moving forward)

Bruce's favorite food being lobster thermidor is a reference to the Lego Batman movie

I wrote this whole fic with Julia Child's recipe pulled up in one tab and my google doc in the other

At some point I realized that since I started with fresh lobsters, I was going to have to write Jason killing them, and it derailed me so hard that the fic nearly became about meatloaf instead. (Never mind the fact that Jason canonically kills human beings — that's totally fine. I just draw the line at him killing lobsters 😰)

(in the end I just kinda glossed over it and made sure they were already cooked before Damian appeared so I wouldn't have to address it 😬)

Dick's reoccurring shoulder injury is a reference to the DCAU where I swear that man has dislocated his shoulder/injured his arm at least 4x

The line about Tim being allergic/throwing up when he eats eggs was inspired by a line in chap 11 of @goldkirk's fic Hymn, which I've reread about 37x

Jason is correct— grits are fucking delicious and definitely not baby food.

My favorite line is "Okay there’s self-sacrificial bullshit, and then there’s whatever the fresh hell that is."

The idea for Cass being a big meat-eater comes from a comic panel where Steph offers her a plate of rice and beans and Cass says needs meat and starts mischievously eying Steph's hamster. Can't find the panel to save my life, but I promise it's out there.

EDIT: finally found it!

Steph's nickname of "Zombie Boy" for Jason is borrowed from @audreycritter's Cor Et Cerebrum series (which is a fucking masterpiece, btw)

This fic was gonna be called "Creatures of the Night" until batmoniker said Steph's line made for a better title

Several people have asked me whether Jason was really cooking Bruce's lobster to spite him, or if he was actually intending to make it for him all along. The answer is... both? Like Jason's kind of an unreliable narrator in that he's trying to convince himself that he's just doing what he's doing to be a little shithead when deep down it's all stemming from his need to take care of his family, you know? Like he'll never admit it, but that's where his heart is at.

To everyone who's asked for a part 2 where the family finds out Jason was kidnapped, I'm gonna be honest: the main reason I don't think I'm ever going to write that scene is because I can't come up with a good enough joke for him to make to accidentally out himself ☠️

90 notes - Posted September 18, 2022

Imagine Bruce starting therapy and learning about all these cool new tricks and gadgets that can help with emotional regulation and getting super invested (because I mean, c’mon, the dude’s like the king of gadget hoarding, he’s got a utility belt for goodness sake)

Then imagine the learning curve of him realizing that just because something works great for one of his kids, doesn’t mean it works for all of them, as illustrated by this memorable incident:

Jason gets really upset and starts having a minor panic attack about something

Bruce, proud owner of 14 new weighted blankets (in various styles, weights, and sizes), tries to wrap his adult son up in one to ground him

After all, Bruce himself finds them super comforting because it’s basically a socially acceptable alternative to wearing a massive Kevlar cape 24/7 like he’d do if he could

(Tim loves them too, so like, kid tested, parent approved™️)

Ends up totally backfiring when the added weight & restricted movement sends Jason into a full-blown flashback of digging out of his own grave, taking this panic attack from like a 4 to a 10

Whoops

130 notes - Posted December 6, 2022

Sometimes I get really hung up on trying to make all the logistics and time frame work out in my fanfics

Then I see how the professionals handle this dilemma:

211 notes - Posted March 12, 2022

I have a headcanon that Dick doesn’t actually like cereal nearly as much as he pretends to.

He just knew that Bruce felt bad about his own cooking ineptitude in the early days after taking his new ward in, so whenever Alfred had the night off, the 9-year-old insisted cereal was his ‘favorite food on the planet’ because it was something that Bruce could actually handle preparing for him without setting off the smoke alarms and it made him happy to do it

372 notes - Posted April 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Tim hardly ever wears seatbelts.

It’s not a conscious choice at this point really, he just never got into the habit. When he outgrew his last car seat at age five, his parents didn’t bother getting him a booster and just let him sit in the normal seat, so the belt always felt like it was cutting into his neck and he hated it. He put up a big fuss about it once on the way to some important event, and his parents just huffed, “Fine, don’t wear it then. Fly out the window for all I care” and that was that. They never forced him again.

He just so rarely has to wear one that it slips his mind. Buses don’t have seatbelts. Motorcycles don’t have seatbelts. The Batmobile has them, but they’re rarely used due to the necessity for split-second drop ins and getaways.

It’s not until he’s 17 and driving with Jason somewhere that he finally gets called out on it. Not only called out, but told in a no nonsense sort of way “This car ain’t moving till I hear a fucking click. What, did they stop showing ‘Red Asphalt’ in drivers ed while I was dead??”

(They do still show it. Tim just slept through that class)

557 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

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moobrvoobl-moobmoob-oobmpoobroom · 1 year

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I posted 11,636 times in 2022

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I tagged 8,244 of my posts in 2022

Only 29% of my posts had no tags

#everydoors - 737 posts

#rex - 566 posts

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Longest Tag: 90 characters

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My Top Posts in 2022:

time for Thoughts™️

I will always rant about every member of the disaster lineage but I just got very very especially sad about Dooku and Qui-Gon.

how did I not realise how late he left the Order??? I always thought it was idk, some time earlier than the Phantom Menace but this is just. they really went for the peak angst potential didn’t they

we now know what happened to Yaddle, but at what cost…

As always, fuck Sheev. look what he did. he took a bunch of perfectly good light-siders and fucked them up is what he did.

SNIPS AND SKYGUY ARE BACK Y’ALL IM SOBBING I MISSED THEM SO MUCH

I feel like Anakin really does Not know how to Handle Child at the time of that first training montage. he does his best to be a good teacher and train her the best he can but I definitely got scary chills watching him say “again” so many times in a progressively darker tone

I’m fine I’m just crying over how all that training, no matter Anakin’s downfalls, saved Ahsoka’s life in the end

Rex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my first reaction to Rex mentioning Jesse was basically just “oh hey it’s my dude!!!” and then I realised that Anakin and Jesse both trained Ahsoka in ways that she then used to survive their attempts of trying to kill her and now I’m not okay

that handful of Obi-Wan scenes was a nice bonus

Caleb getting all excited about Ahsoka doing the droid training exercise he’s so precious-

The funeral.

no because the fact that Ahsoka would have been chased down and possibly killed by the Empire if they found out she was still alive but she went to Padmé’s funeral anyway to pay her respects because Padmé was so important to her-

“She was my friend” feelings. so many feelings. i cried here.

Rex sticking with Ahsoka until after the funeral makes me have a lot of emotions and a lot of thoughts; iirc we don’t actually know how long they were together after the Tribunal crash before they split ways

SO LUCASFILM IF YOU COULD JUST NOT TEAR MY HEART OUT FOR ONE KRIFFING SECOND THAT WOULD BE GREAT

*insert that one textpost that was like [me every second Bail Organa was on screen] ‘that’s Bail Organa’*

anyone else feel a little iffy about the whole “we have a duty thing” he was saying to Ahsoka? maybe I just wasn’t paying enough attention, but it felt a little to me like he meant she had to/was obligated to join the Rebellion. it doesn’t seem very in sync with Bail in general, but if someone has a different interpretation that makes more sense, please share with me.

the only other thing is I’m just confused and a little irritated about the section with the farmers and the Inquisitor. like, when in the timeline exactly did that whole encounter take place? and if they wanted to show a storyline like that, why didn’t they just animate some key moments from the Ahsoka novel? I feel like it sort of gives it more weight in a way to have Ahsoka’s big return to the good fight and the Rebellion set two years after the end of the war, and given how similar the setups are, I have to say I would have much rather had at least some scenes from the book in animation than a whole new separate thing that kind of replaces it.

me when the girl’s brother went to tattle to the Empire: every town’s got a Timm 😔

ngl I really thought she might be Kaeden at first but it wasn’t too bad I suppose.

especially since I will never, and I mean never, get sick of watching Ahsoka kick Inquisitor ass

all I want to do is wrap all my faves up in a blanket and hug them very tight yk

in conclusion: I am just screaming. so hard right now.

128 notes - Posted October 29, 2022

Fennec: We’re gonna feed you to our rancor mwahahahahaha >)

assassin dude: plsss nooooo D:

Fennec: PFFT we don’t have a rancor lmao it died

That one rat: hi :3

247 notes - Posted January 6, 2022

Cad Bane: You’re getting soft in your old age

Boba:

Boba: You are literally. Twenty plus years older than me.

1,094 notes - Posted February 9, 2022

Fans will be like ‘this is my comfort show’ and it’s the most depressing show ever

1,293 notes - Posted February 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Peli: there’s someone here to see you

Din: oh it’s my son

Din: WAIT IT’S MY SON

5,210 notes - Posted February 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

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behindbrowneyezz · 1 year

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12.5.22

Honestly, I keep putting off blogging because i know that when my dad gets free time...a sick thought in the head. Instead of just reaching out to me like a normal father, he decides to go stalk my social media accounts. I've always wondered how he does this...im sure if its not some program he has discovered, then it probably is from katies page. Able to see all my pictures. The statuses i post. I don't mean just on here. in fact i dont even know if here can see this. BUT I do know he has checked my Facebook before, I know this from now 3 different relatives that have warned me about this. Somehow almost 3 years ago, he was able to see a very intimate status i had posted about my thoughts on him and the rest of my RELATIVES going to meet for lunch. Right in my area and didn't bother to send me an invite. Now I know very well most of them cant stand me. In fact i know none of them love me but my brothers, which im not upset about at all. We dont exactly come from a world full of wonderful humans. Each of us have HUGE skeletons in our closet. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. The only difference is that i’m super open about the fucking mess of a human I am! I dont hide it. I wear it on my sleeve every day. Some days more then others. But it drives them all nuts. I cant help that i love to talk, that i feel like people that claim to love me...would be curious on what goes on in my head..but they truly hate it. they wish id be silent. a sober, silent, YES MAM kind of broad. But even as a kid i had this fight or flight mode that never got turned off.

You see, i got molested a lot as a real young toddler. YES TODDLER, i didnt really ever think it affected me much. SO i never really spoke about it. I always told myself that somehow it just didnt affect me so what was the point in bringing it up. It wasnt till i was 17 years old and started drinking that it started to come a problem. Once I started drinking heavily, i started to remember things i had went many years ignoring. If you were to ask my father about this he would probably say that he think i’m lying about it. I dont care. What sick fuck would i be if that i was lying about something so serious. It was his stupid ass that got a druggie pregnant 3 fucking times and let her teach us ridiculous things. I never thought that id lie to my dad as a teenager. But as EVERY teen does, of course there were days that i lied. he was miserable, mean, and hardly interested in anything my brothers and i had going on. SO DUH YES i lied many days about many weird things so i didnt have to see the devil come out. BUT i can tell you ive never lied about the assaults ive experienced. In fact, ive been so honest to myself over the years about it because its the only way that i know that i’m going to DO BETTER. I was raised by and raised around nasty awful lairs themselves. For years i would blame myself, my broken brain for these moments..not realizing i had to understand that at those times..i was a CHILD. no one was there to fully protect me. My dad worked his ass off to always make sure we had a roof over our heads, which thank GOD for that....but wow does he hate me for all those years he lost. SO now he lives a life of ignoring where he came from, a life where he chooses to ignore the first human HE helped create because im ‘DIFFCULT” imagine. imagine thinking your job is over as a parent at 18 because you kicked her out for smoking pot and tossed her shit in trash bags....then moved states for a woman your children dont even know much about. Imagine right?

Well that's my reality. YES ive made a million mistakes....and you know what else? I’m probably going to make a million more throughout my life. BUt for some reason my father feels like i’m the only one hes relalated to that doesn’t deserve forgiveness, kindness, grace, and most of all love. Maybe its my fat ass mouth hes scared of. Maybe he truly hates the human i am. Maybe it IS easier to not have me around....but imagine treating your child like FAMILY is everything..work hard. play hard. and hold on tight because life is wild...all just to ignore them for the rest of their lives. Thats why i get so heated when he decides to just check on all my social media accounts. that coward cant even call or text me??? his ego is so big he truly thinks thats okay? he cant let me have a space where i can be myself and not have to worry about that ass hole reading every god damn word i say? if you hate me LEAVE ME BE. its actually not that hard. he has very much have shown me that. I DO call eveyone my relatives now because those people arent my family. granted some of them i have personally pushed away, but i dont feel bad about that. they chose to be who they are and i’m choosing to TRY to be better then what i was taught. They havent ever been MY family. they are my fathers family and they can very much keep it that way!! Lmfao, a coward AT BEST. i miss the man he was when i was a little girl. THAT man was a man of honor, love, and tough as nails. the person he is...now?...A soulless coward is what he is now.

Soulless. Coward.

Maybe he was always like that, maybe people will hate me for calling him that, but i can assure you hes said much worse things about me. Imagine loving to bash your own children to people that wouldnt be at your funeral. Imagine being at a dinner or a family gathering and then deciding to just try to convince everyone around you that your children are a mess and YOU had zero to do with it. Hes just embarrasing at this point. I cant imagine how that man sleeps at night, i dont understand how he looks at himself in the mirror and thinks ‘Wow chris you did great today’.

Maybe he was always this human, maybe I never truly saw him until i started to see the world more. I’m not sure. I hope that's not the case, i really dont. He was my hero, my world, he was the reason i didn't hate myself or life for so long. I really loved that man more then I could ever express. I thought we would be going to concerts, making family meals, and gossiping about women for the rest of my life. I always thought hed be in my apartment judging my things and fixing up anything i couldnt myself. I always thought wed be sending eachother new music we were obsessed with and sneaking off to a good happy hour spot. I truly wish i could talk to my younger self and tell her that its all fake. Dont enjoy those moments. Stop asking him to go to concerts,beg to move in with one of your grandmas. NEVER pick up that bottle. Man how different my world would be now if i had been able to. I dont hate him, i feel sorry for him. because one day, just like my birth mother, he will be dead and will have to see all the wonderful moments he has had to miss out on. HE has MY most precious gift on the planet and he uses it as a TOOL to brag to strangers about how much of a saint he is. Imagine right. Lets all pray for this man. When i saw him last he gave me a crockpot full of candy and hugged me once. that year he got everyone really nice gifts but me..in his words to one of my relatives “If its not on the list, i wont get it” . that year he must of felt like he HAD to ‘make an appearance’ as he used to love to say about life things when i was a child. Imagine, hating your one and only daughter so much you throw her a crockpot and then leave and never answer your phone to her calls or texts again. Ill never understand why he thinks people should all be chasing HIM for the rest of their life and he doesn’t have to give any love in return but SHEEEESH what a toxic trait. I probably wouldn't be so angry, so hurt if it hadnt been for all the wonderful parents out there that constantly give their children grace. Mind you, my grandma is one of those parents. Hes in his 40s and still calls her at least 4 times a week I’ve been told. So you'd think he had learned from the best. Lets all laugh together. my little girl self will always miss him dearly, but the woman i’m becoming sees a very different human. Maybe hes not even human at all anymore. Just a hallow shell trying to survive another shitty day on this shitty planet.

They call this the Devils playground, i think they just may be right.

#lostcause #the lost cause #familydrama #relativeshit #rip #theforgotton #theforgottondaughter #resteasytome #mentalhealth #denver #denverscum

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aetherarf · 3 years

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omg im love w your blog!!! 😭😭😭 (you won me the moment you said you like heavy angst bc i LOVE it. 👌🏻) can you write something angst with childe, zhongli, kaeya and diluc where the reader finds out shes pregnant and is happy and excited to tell her partner but he doesn't take it very well? as if the baby was going to spoil his plans or they were not comfortable with the idea. (and yes, please, you can exaggerate the sadness if you want)

> and as im a lover of sad and painful things, if you can skip a time later where the reader loses the baby and how they would react to it. (It's ok if you don't want it!! I'll love what you can give me!) anyways, have a nice day and be safe!! 🥺<3

Of course! However, I'm going to have it be AFAB!Reader, and using gender neutral language... not everyone who can get pregnant is a girl, you know? Plus gender neutral language can refer to anyone ever.

But ty for your kind words, and here you go <3!

[[ WARNING: ANGST, PREGNANCY, MISCARRIAGE, INJURY ]]

[[ Summary: You're pregnant! And you're so happy to be bringing a little bundle of joy into the world with your lover... but they aren't so happy. Worse still, it turns out that little bundle of joy never get to see the light of day, not even for a moment.

Total Word Count: 2'521

Childe Word Count: 680

Diluc Word Count: 809

Kaeya Word Count: 528

Zhongli Word Count: 504 ]]

Childe

When he had come home, there was a meal cooked, his favorite alcohol, and you were dolled up, dressed up to look perfect--He could tell you were preparing something. Seeing you standing there, back to him, he walked over and wrapped his arms around you, resting his head on your shoulder,

"So, what's the occasion? Or are you just so madly in love with me you have to spoil me?" He teased. You grabbed one of his hands, pulling it down to your stomach, leaning back a little bit into him--his eyes widened before you spoke, and you confirmed the whirlwind of thoughts in his mind-

"You're going to be a father."

In a fit of excitement, he scooped you up, holding you close and pressing kisses to your face, nuzzling up to you in excitement--"I'm gonna be a daddy!" He chirped, "Oh, oh, if it's a boy we're calling him lil Ajax, promise me he'll be my little Ajax Junior?" He asked, excited.

Through the night, the two of you had already been gushing out with countless ideas, about names, about the possibility of twins, more than a few crass jokes from Childe, until the two of you went to bed...

And when you were sound asleep in his arms... he was given a chance to think.

And it hit him.

He was not only making you more of a target to anyone who despised the Fatui, or himself personally... But...

Was he ready to be a dad?

He was gone all the time.

Was he... ready...?

His excitement turned to dread. Only after the initial shock, did he realize that... no, no, this was awful.

As quietly as he could, he sobbed into your shoulder, desperately trying to not wake you up. He was... terrified.

He had not known terror before, because this was not something he could kill and be done with.

Desperately, he tried to delude himself into thinking everything would be okay, to keep a smile on his face. When you called him out for his oddness, he confessed only a fraction of the truth, "I guess there's just.. a lot of feelings going on, you know?" He asked, the shrugged to himself. "I just need a little time before I'm settled with the idea."

He wasn't sure if he'd be okay with it at all. He felt like a child himself... Could he raise anything without destroying it? Even his own siblings... he stayed away just to keep them sane. He was nothing but a danger to them. He couldn't neglect his own child...

One day, he came home...and you weren't there. Probably just doing something on your own, he didn't really care, just sort of minding his own business, doing some cleaning since there was always something he could at least polish up when trying to burn time.

And there was a knock on the front door. He opened it, and there was a panicked Fatui messenger.

"Your-Your, uh, partner. They-They got into a bad fight, and they were... hospitalized."

Never had he run so fast in his life to find you. When he saw you, you were covered in bruises, black and blue, and a few bandaged cuts. He sat beside your bed, holding your hand, "... Talk to me," he pleaded, unable to hide his cracking voice.

"It's dead," you said, weakly. He shook his head, not understanding,

"What do you mean?"

"I'm... okay. But... Ajax," you whimpered, looking at him, having already cried every tear out of your body, "Our baby."

It hit him.

"I got hit in the stomach."

"Oh... Oh no, babe, love... nono..." He tried to hug you as best as he could without hurting you...

But... was it bad of him to be relieved? He knew this would happen... he knew you were in pain, but... he'd rather have an unborn infant he had never met die compared to a child he held and loved.

He'd still stay there with you, but he only wished he could fix it. Not everything could be killed with brute violence.

Diluc

"Diluc... I'm pregnant. You're going to be a father."

Diluc's face paled. The first thought that hit his head was his death, leaving you and your currently unborn child to suffer alone... or worse.

He couldn't be a father, he-he... He wasn't mean to be part of a family. He lost his father, his mother, Kaeya... Even the Knights, that at one point he could have called family, have left... Or he left them, knowing that he simply couldn't exist around them.

Your once ecstatic and happy face fell... Sure, the two of you only, idly, had spoken about the possibility of children... and you didn't mean to get pregnant, but you wanted a child.

It seems Diluc did not exactly share your feelings.

"I'm going to bed," he said, standing up suddenly, feeling like he was about to fall over.

"Is this news... really so horrible?" You asked, no small amount of pain... and he sighed.

"I... don't know how to deal with it. I need time to think."

You knew it was a big thing... you'd give him time. After all, in the end, Diluc was a good man. He did the best he could and took care of those he cared for, even if he didn't want a child, he would take care of them... and, of course, you.

The next day, he was no better, he looked at your sleeping form, your stomach, and from pure distress and terror, he had left to go to the bathroom, just to vomit pure acid, trying to hide how tears poured under the guise of being sick, of being in pain.

How could he be a father?

The next few weeks were tense, and his gaze would linger on your stomach...

By the end of the first month, he set his hand on your stomach... with a small, vulnerable smile.

"I'm excited," he finally said, rubbing your stomach that was barely any larger than normal... "I'm afraid, but... I'm excited for our baby."

You cried, and he did too, holding each other as you cried. Exciting, concerning... hopeful, there was so many emotions, but in the end, you slept happily.

Things would be okay. Diluc would make a family he couldn't lose.

Each month, Diluc would fuss more and more. He desperately tried to help when you were sick, from morning sickness, giving you massages when your body was aching from the new weight, the new life inside you.

Whenever he was sitting next to you, or lying beside you, especially as your stomach grew, he always had a hand on it. On the fifth month, when he felt the baby kick, he looked at you with a smile wider than you had ever seen before, excited like a young child getting its first toy.

He spent the next two hours pressing kisses to your rounded belly, whispering to the baby as though it could hear him.

By the sixth month, was when it happened. The two of you were talking, standing in the kitchen as you talked about what to make for dinner, and you felt it-Water flushing from you, soaking your clothes and making a mess on the floor. Diluc stared at you, shocked, and you felt the worst pain in your life--

"Diluc," You half collapsed in his arms, "I-I think I'm in labor," you said, with no small amount of horror.

It was supposed to be three months, but Diluc didn't question that, even if he was aware something very, very wrong. He brought you all the way to the Cathedral, and the Sisters, too, were in shock when you had told them. Moved to a back room, away from prying eyes, Diluc didn't let go of your hand as you tried to push...

For hours, you sat there, tears in your eyes, "Diluc," you sobbed, weakly, "I'm so tired."

"You can do it," he reassured, "I promise you, you can do it."

Finally, the baby was out. However, the sisters had taken the baby somewhere, you and Diluc sitting there, you exhausted, and Diluc terrified. Finally... Barbara walked in, tears in her eyes.

"... Your baby is dead." She said, "I'm sorry for your loss. Would you-Would you like to see them, or..."

You only began to cry, weakly.

"No," Diluc said, not wanting to look at the corpse of the child he failed to father, "But... can the Sisters arrange a burial?" He asked, trying to stop himself from losing it. Barbara nodded.

"Of course," She said, "I will leave you two be." She walked off, leaving the room as she tried not to cry for your loss.

He held you, and you both sobbed.

Once again, the Family that Diluc could never have, one he fought for with tooth and nail, was taken from him again.

At least he still had you.

Kaeya

"Fucking paperwork," he grumbled, detesting how everything had an absurd about of work to do. No wonder they were always overworked...

He'd rather be, who knows, hunting some monsters or getting some time off, sitting in the Angel's Share with you on his lap...

Huh.

That sounded really nice right about now.

Just as he returned to his work, ceasing to think of you, you knocked on his office door and practically burst right in, an excited look on your face.

"Oh, what's got you so happy?" He asked, leaning back in his seat and he grinned, watching you walked around his desk, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"I have some news~" You said, in a singsongy voice, and he tugged on your hips, pulling you onto his lap. "So, tell me, don't make me wait with baited breath, I'll probably suffocate," He teased, sweetly.

You tugged him close, speaking in a low whisper right into his ear-- "I'm pregnant."

He was glad you weren't looking at his face, with the horror on his face. He was able to put on a mask of excitement, as fake as it felt, when you leaned back, looking at his expression, and he held you close, pressing his lips to yours.

"I'd say let's go celebrate, but I guess you can't have wine anymore."

You huffed, "We can celebrate in a different way."

In the end, the two of you went to the Angel's Share, the two of you deciding to keep it a secret for a little longer.

That night, while you cuddled up to him, he lie in bed, unable to close his eye, staring blankly...

Terrified.

As time passed, you had hit halfway through your second month. Kaeya still insisted that you keep it a secret-- "It's more fun if some people have a suspicious feeling, and then it's so exciting when you do tell them."

He was just too afraid to tell the world thus far. You had mostly agreed, but you were excited... you wanted to tell.

"I want to talk about this more," you admitted, "But I need to get a check-up for our little baby," you patted your tummy gently, and he pressed a kiss to your temple,

"Alright," he dreaded that conversation, "You go be safe."

"I will."

He sat silently, on the bed, blankly staring forth. What was he supposed to do...? To even think?

He was so scared.

He was able to hear you before he saw you, hear the sounds of your sobbing, and as he turned to see you, you jumped into his arms, openly crying. Somehow--he could tell your stomach was... smaller. If only a little.

"You were right to not tell anyone," you whimpered, weakly. He gently rubbed your back,

"What do you mean?" He asked, softly.

"I... I had a miscarriage."

He felt elated, but also so, so terribly guilty.

But he knew, with everything... It was for the best.

"I'm so sorry," he said, softly, holding you close, "Tell me--what can I do to make this better?"

"I don't know, I don't know," you sobbed, broken and weak.

For now, he'd just hold you.

Zhongli

With a wide smile and bright eyes, you told him: "I'm pregnant!"

Zhongli gasped in surprise, for a brief second, he was only pleased, his hands almost touching your stomach... then he recoiled, pulling back, hesitant... And he looked down and away.

"... Love," he said softly, "You are aware I am still an adeptus." He said, gently. You didn't understand,

"Of course, but... there's Ganyu, and Yanfei, they're both half-adeptus, half-human... Isn't this fine?"

He was quiet for a moment, sighing. "Yanfei's and Ganyu's adeptus parents were mammals. I... Was not-You understand, I was one a dragon of the earth, correct?" He asked,

"Of course, I wouldn't forget anything like that."

"Normal half-adeptus children already have problems, but one who is a dragon..."

He looked away, thinking.

"Are you sure you're not just afraid? It's okay to be afraid." You reassured, reaching out and holding his hand.

He was not afraid.

He was simply certain. The idea-The idea of having a child, a little bounding bundle of joy that would giggle as he tickled them, seeing their beautiful, adorable little smile that held features of you and himself...

How idealistic. But he had endured tragedy before, and he will endure it again.

This will only be another agony. If, perhaps, he was in his original mating season, having gone through it delicately how it was meant to, rather than pure chance and accident... Then there was hope.

He pressed a kiss to the back of your hand.

"Perhaps I am."

The days passed, and he would admit, he was shocked to see that your menstruation cycle had stopped--oh, period. People called it periods more commonly. Good to know.

And your stomach grew, you demanded him to touch your stomach, of which he would not argue, listening to your hopeful words.

You felt a pain in your stomach--naturally, you would be in pain.

You had left to go get it checked, to see why there would be pain, and what issue there would be for your child.

Alone, he curled up in bed and sobbed, unable to save you from this tragedy, sobbing pathetically in desperation, where no one, not, even you, could see his pain.

You did not come back that day, but you returned the second, pale and sickly, with bandages around your stomach. You collapsed into your arm,

"They... they had to do an emergency surgery," you wept weakly, too exhausted to sob, "It was... dead... and hurting-killing me."

He nodded. He knew this.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, softly, "I'm sorry, love."

"I just... I just want a family... Something to call my own."

Zhongli was quiet for a moment. Both of you had time before his original cycle would come in line...

Maybe-maybe, through an odd union of human and dragon, you could give him this family. But it would be a long, long conversation, and you would need to wait well beyond your wounds.

Oh, but your pain... how could he endure.

He would have to find a way.

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scarofthewind · 4 years

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Too Far || Slashers x Reader

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A/N: I had two requests that were kind of the same, which I will have below. Warnings, there is angst! Enjoy!

Request 1 by @brideofcthulhu10 : Hey! First of all I wanna say I absolutely love your slasher fics, very detailed, you have a lot of talent! (I mostly dabble with Lost Boys on my blog!) Anyhoo, I'm not sure if I sent this yet, but I was wondering if you could do Brahms reacting to an S/O who's usually very patient with him crying because of an outburst? Like she's his caretaker who usually can handle his fits, but one day he goes too far screaming in her face, breaking things, and she just falls apart?

Request 2 by anon: Hi!I was thinking of a request if you wanna do it ofc, with Michael Myers when he is stressed out about something and maybe neglects or takes it out on s/o and she gets reallyy sad and goes for a walk at 3am and he Wakes up and not seeing her makes him feel guilty and sad and starts getting a panick attack just when she is returning and comforts him,im sorry if I’m being so specific I just wanted super angst with fluffy ending with Michael being super needy 🥺 sorry if i bother you

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Brahms Heelshire:

You had never seen him so angry over something so small in the time that you’ve been with Brahms. Not even being able to recall what the fight was about, you stood there in the center of the room that had been utterly destroyed. The lamps that were on either side of the couch were beyond repair, the book case was tipped and all it’s remains were scattered on the floor and the glass topped coffee table had long been broken. Brahms circled you like a feral animal, the glare in his eyes made you look to the floor in fear. You jumped when you heard another object being broken behind you and a coaster went flying by your head from behind you, hitting the wall in front. The small dent in the wall from the coasters collision, reminded you just how strong Brahms was.

“You can’t do anything right!” He shouted; the sound of glass crashing followed his words. “Why do I even bother keeping you’re pathetic ass around?!” He shoved past you, moving down the hall to grab the coatrack and throw it to the floor. One of the ends broke off and rolled towards you but you didn’t dare move, or even breathe. Your heart pounded ferociously against your chest and you wondered how you hadn’t had heart failures yet from all the stress he puts you through.

“Honestly, I should just get rid of you.” Brahms continued his rampage, breaking things and ripping paintings off the walls. You had become so numb to his usual rampages, that you were surprised when you found tears pooling out from your eyes at his words. Suddenly turning around, he walked over to you and you did your best to tune him out. His words cut like a knife and all you could do was stare forward and pray that this would all blow over.

But even then, prayers have their limits. “Why can’t you understand that I can’t stand you? You’re nothing but a good fuck and that’s all you will ever be!” That was the icing on the cake. A gasp so silent, it cut through the quiet air, left your lips and that’s when Brahms realized exactly what he’d done. It was like a switch had gone off in his head and the anger was gone, replaced with a guilt and fear of abandonment. His hands moved to cup your face but you almost tripped moving back, his eyes widening at your actions.

Everything he said was a lie; you both knew it, but he still thought them up somehow and felt like unloading them onto you in that moment. “(Y/N), I didn’t mean it.” Brahms felt sick watching as you backed away from him into the nearest corner he managed to maneuver you in. All the thoughts in his head came to one conclusion: There was nothing he could do or say in that given time that would make you want to stay.

“Please, listen to me.” He begged, his eyes holding so much fear you almost didn’t recognize the man before you. Brahms reached out to you gently, touching your shoulders and then your neck and then your face. “I didn’t mean any of that. Please forgive me; don’t leave me.”

Your throat was dry and you had nothing to say, all you could do was stare. “I love you, baby, please talk to me.” You felt his thumbs wipe away the tears on your cheeks and his lips pressed kisses to your forehead. Brahms knew exactly how much he had fucked up and the guilt and shame were eating him alive. “My god, what have I done?” You tensed as he pulled you into a tight and possessive hug. Your arms stayed by your sides, not moving an inch as the words and his face full of anger, kept replaying in your head. “Don’t leave me okay? I can fix this; I’ll fix it, I swear, my love.”

Meaningless. Everything felt meaningless.

But you had nowhere to go and you loved this man, even with all his issues. So, you swallowed any pride you had left and hugged him back, hearing him sob just a bit as he swore up and down that you wouldn’t regret it.

Michael Myers:

You couldn’t remember how you managed to get out of Michael’s grip while he was sleeping, but somehow you ended up outside in the freezing cold of night, walking down the sidewalk. You had managed to snag one of Michael’s jackets on your way out the door and thanked god it covered you well enough.

It wasn’t like you and Michael didn’t fight; you did, a lot. Tonight’s was just different and hurt you in more ways than you thought possible.

“Can’t you fucking leave me alone for once?” Michael’s voice was harsh as he moved away from your hands that were on his back. You realized he’d been under a lot of stress lately and he hadn’t really been himself; you were only trying to help ease the tension.

“Sometimes I really hate you and I think ‘why in the world, did I end up with her?’.” You remember that being the moment your heart sank to your stomach. The cold glare in his eyes was real, not like all the other times he’s done it.

The moon made your shadow look odd as you watched the pavement before you, every now and then glancing around to see if anyone else was up. Your already puffy eyes burned with the feeling of tears again and you managed to choke them down. “I should’ve let your father kill you. I would be a free man right now.”

You made your way around the block, making your way back home. “The only time you’re worth it is when your warming my cock.” You stopped, having arrived back at the front door. Your fingers twitched at the doorknob and you wondered if it was really a good idea to go back in. Michael had apologized after the fight and resulted in him not letting you out of an arm’s reach. But still. Was it worth it?

The second you opened the door, the air felt wrong. Shutting it behind you and taking your coat off, you realized why. Everything was torn apart. The furniture was all over the place and some pieces were broken, the TV was shattered and various pictures on the walls were on the ground. Loud sounds of footsteps came from upstairs when you shut the door and Michael practically tackled you.

To say you were shocked was an understatement. The man who put on a ‘Mr. Tough Guy’ act was now trembling in your arms, pulling you closer to him with each passing second. “Michael.” You said calmly, gently stroking his back with your hands. You heard him sniffle and your made a mental note to remember this moment.

“Look at me.” Your voice was calming and you were there. You didn’t leave him like he thought. His eyes met yours and you reached up and brushed his tears away, moving his hair from his face and cupping his cheeks in your hands. “Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?”

He shook his head, his mouth too dry to speak from all the yelling he did while you were out on a walk. He’d woken up to your side of the bed cold as ice and all he could think was that you finally left him. He tore the house apart looking for you and when he couldn’t find you, he broke. This mountain of a man who hates showing one ounce of actual emotion, broke.

“That’s good. Can you tell me why the house looks like this?” You asked him, being very careful with your words as his hands once again pulled you against him.

“I-I was looking for you. I thought you left me.” His body shook as though the thought alone sent a chill down his spine. “You aren’t leaving me right?” His voice was so weak it was hard to remember what this man was actual capable of.

“Of course not, Michael. I couldn’t sleep and needed some fresh air.” You cooed, peppering kisses along his jaw and chin. “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” You assured him, nuzzling your face under his chin and letting him hold you close.

“I’m so sorry for hurting you. I didn’t mean any-” You shushed him, wrapping our arms around his back.

“I know you didn’t mean it.” Your words were music to his ears and he pulled back enough to bend down and press a kiss to your lips. “Let’s go back to bed, okay? We can clean this up in the morning.” You told him as your lips parted; you led him upstairs and to your bedroom, not leaving his arms for the rest of the night.

#brahms the boy #brahms heelshire #brahms x reader #brahms heelshire x reader #brahms: the boy 2 #michael myers x reader #Michael Myers #Halloween #slasher imagines #horror x reader #horror imagines #[✉️].request #🥲.angst #🍰.fluff

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thefallennightmare · 3 years

Text

Hard to Love [21/21]

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader

Words: 1621

Warnings: this story will have mentions of abuse, mental and physical so please read at your own risk. Some swearing, angst, and a good amount of fluff. Maybe some smut if I'm feeling frisky.

Summary: After moving to a new town all on her own, Reader would do anything for a stable job and income. Even if that means housekeeping for one of Boston's eligible bachelors. What she didn't expect was finding herself falling in love with him and finding him out about the past that she was running from.

A/N: I cannot believe the ending is here. I also cannot thank you enough for all the love that you guys have gave this series. I really do appreciate it and love seeing all the comments! Your words of encouragement are what kept me going for this story. I’m so so sad it’s done.

Lets finish this story with a happy ending!

Tags: @kelbabyblue @patzammit @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss @jennmurawski13 @divadinag @cosmicbreathe @thevelvetseries @capstopavenger @chris-butt @denisemarieangelina @im-a-stranger-thing @jennamarieee623 @introvertedmouse @lharrietg @thejemersoninferno @breezykpop @instantbasementtimetravel @rodgersteves @michaelscotfield-blog1 @40srogcrs @wonderingshawn @bellaireland1981 @katelyneannxo @lady-x-red @sare-bare93-blog @annmariek8 @raabrakha @stxvercgersslut

ONE YEAR LATER

“Where’s my cutie pie?!” I shouted, entering the home.

Four feet trotted down the long hallway from the kitchen to the living room where I stood, hanging up my jacket and bag. Bending at the knees, I allowed all of the kisses and whines of happiness, scratching the furry ears.

“How’s Dodger doing today?” I cooed.

He followed me into the kitchen as I searched the fridge for something to ease my stomach. Munching on a piece of cheese, I checked my phone and saw a new message from Chris.

I’ll be home in a few hours. I’m sorry baby, I didn’t think these interviews would take so long.

Don’t be sorry! I’ll wait up for you xx.

The last year, I had grown incredibly; putting everything that happened to me in the past, locking it away. The scars still remained on my body but I never let it affect me. Chris would always make sure he showed extra love to them, telling me that he loved the way I look.

The first time Chris had to leave for work was a couple of months after everything and it was hard to get adjusted to sleeping in the bed alone but Dodger was the best replacement, keeping me safe every night. Chris tried to turn down movie roles but I quickly shot that down. I wouldn’t let him lose out on a possible great job because I missed him.

I ended up seeing the live video he posted when I was missing and the amount of outpouring coming from his friends and fans also helped me heal. There were a good amount of people who at first weren’t happy that Chris was in a loving relationship but eventually, when he kept posting pictures of us on Instagram, they got used to it.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I saw a new message appear from Chris.

Our weekend starts in less that two hours. I can’t wait to be alone with you.

I smiled fondly at the message.

The past couple weeks were filled with either him working almost every day or me continuing my schooling. We had his family and friends over a few times last week as well so we were practically begging the Gods above for some alone time.

Which is why this weekend we had zero plans, just the two of us in our home.

And Dodger.

“OH COME ON!” Chris yelled at the T.V.

A giggle erupted from my throat from my spot on the couch, my feet placed in his lap, as we watched the football game.

Our weekend together was coming to an end, school for me and another press conference for Chris’ upcoming movie tomorrow, meant that reality was about twelve hours away. We spent the weekend in multiple different rooms of the house, our moans vibrating off the walls.

I’ve had sex more in this weekend than I had in my entire adult life.

Now, we were exhausted, so we decided to spend the rest of our Sunday in our lazy clothes on the couch; Chris wearing nothing but a pair of grey sweats and I ended up stealing his shirt and a pair of his boxers.

Even though his eyes were transfixed on the game, he still made an effort to show me attention by rubbing the soles of my feet. I couldn’t stop myself from staring at this man in front of me. He let his beard grow this weekend, too lazy to shave it, which I didn’t complain one bit. The red marks on my thighs from earlier were an indication of that. His hair was short because he decided that he needed to buzz it last night; he was sick of it getting in his face.

I marveled at the way the muscle in his jaw tightened when I rubbed my feet into his lap, purposely pressing into his soft cock.

“If you keep that up, I’ll miss the last half of the game,” he threatened in a low voice.

“But I’m horny!” I whined, lifting my shirt up and over my head. “Please?”

I pinched my hard nipple between my fingers, hoping that would be enough to get him on top of me.

It was.

I yelped when Chris pulled my ankle towards him, his body on top of mine in seconds. His gold chain was dangling in front of my face as I looked up to him, our chest rising with heavy breaths.

“So naughty,” he muttered against the crook of my neck.

“Enough small talk and fuck me already, Evans,” I purred into his ear, fingernails digging into his bare back.

I couldn’t help but gnaw nervously on my bottom lip, tasting a bit of blood, while I paced the floor of our bedroom. Chris was out running errands but with the text I sent him, I knew that he would be on his way home asap.

Can you come home please? I have to talk to you.

My hands shook with nerves, feeling my cardigan being weighed down with the pressure that was in the pocket. I couldn’t help but worry about what Chris’ reaction would be. We never talked about this and I didn’t know if this would be what broke our relationship.

“Y/N?”

Hearing his voice, I made my way down the stairs and into the living room where he sat with Dodger on the couch.

“Hey, everything alright?” He asked.

I nodded and sat across from him. “Yeah, I think so.”

He knew in the way my knee bounced and sucked in my bottom lip that whatever I had to talk to him about made me nervous as hell. Placing a hand on my knee, he gave me a warm smile.

“Tell me,” he begged gently.

Words were so foreign to me, not knowing exactly how to say it, so instead I handed him what was in my pocket.

“I know we haven’t talked about it much but I couldn't not tell you. I mean you deserve to know. If you’re angry I understand. I’m confused too on how this happened,” I rambled.

Chris didn’t hear a word I had spouted, his eyes trained hard on the stick in his hand with the two solid pink lines.

“You’re pregnant?” His mouth twitched.

I nodded and handed him my phone that held an email from the doctors office, confirming the pregnancy. Yesterday morning while Chris was out with his mom, I secretly had an appointment.

“The doctor says I’m about six weeks,” I spoke softly.

I was unsure of what his reaction would be, his gaze still stuck on the pregnancy test in his hand.

Dodger knew something was different, sniffing the test in Chris’ hand.

Finally after what felt like forever, Chris looked into my eyes and his mouth curved into a smile.

“We’re having a baby?”

The smile he had was a giant one, where you could almost count all of his teeth as he smiled down towards Dodger, showing him the sonogram on my phone as if Dodger could tell what he was looking at.

The joy in his voice brought tears to my eyes.

“You’re happy?” I asked.

His hands snaked around my waist, pulling me into his lap. “I’m fucking ecstatic.”

Our lips met in a rushed kiss, his hand finding its place on my stomach. His forehead rested against mine and his eyes shone with so much love that my heart leaped into my throat, knowing that his reaction was the complete opposite of what I was prepared for.

“Stay here,” He mumbled against my lips in another kiss.

I waited patiently as he rummaged for something in the desk of his office and he returned, hand behind his back.

“I was saving this for when we went away next month but I don’t think I can wait.” He spoke before handing me a small box.

A small velvet box.

I gasped, watching him get down on one knee, and pried open the box. Inside was a gorgeous oval cut diamond on a plain gold band. The sunlight from outside had caught the ring in a warm glow of light.

“This isn’t the most romantic idea of a proposal but I don’t want to wait any longer to ask you this. I first met you in this room when you came to work for me and in that moment I knew I wanted you; I needed you in my life. Y/N, you know I love you so fucking much. You have changed my life in so many ways and now we’re having a baby. You’re having my baby and somehow I love you even more. Y/N, will you marry me?” The tears welled in his eyes and he blew out a shaky breath.

“Fuck yes!” I cried, hormones causing my eyes to pour tears down my cheeks.

After he slid the ring on my finger, he picked me up with ease as he walked us towards our bedroom so we could celebrate the rest of our lives.

I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed in two years since I first drove up to this house, nervous about what the job was that I had an interview for. I never imagined that I would face my past again, not letting it define who I was anymore. And I definitely never thought I would find someone who would love me with his whole entire heart and soul, knowing how hard to love I was. But he did; Chris vowed to me that night in hushed moans that he loved me then and forever.

Along with the baby I was growing in my stomach; our baby.

AND FIN!

#chris evans #chris evans and reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans and yn #chris evans x yn #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans smut #chris evans fluff #chris evans angst #chris evans reader insert #hard to love

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natewrightt · 3 years

Note

Hello, could you write a fluff Five x reader where they got married in secret while in the 60s and the siblings realize after seeing the couple being cute together and they think it's adorable how in love Five is ?

Please, love ur blog 😊💖

Summary: Five Hargreeves enjoyed the sixties a lot more then he originally thought he would.

Ship: Five Hargreeves x criminal!reader

Warnings: none

Note: I added so many details because I love this concept LMAO. also I don’t know how I would be able to make them married because he’s in a 13 year old body??? but yeah I tried djddoidjkijsds 💖

“Hey, stop right there!” the cashier of Manny’s Groceries shouted, grabbing everybody’s attention.

But she didn’t stop.

She turned around and flipped the worker off, then ran faster out of the scene and she completely disappeared by the time the police had arrived. And besides, they didn’t have much to go by. The girl was wearing a large hoodie with leggings and converse. It was pointless.

That girl was none other then Y/N L/N, a 13 year old ‘criminal’ who lived on the main floor of an apartment building without anyone knowing. However, mentally, she was 60. A long time ago, her body was frozen by her parents because the girl suffered from a sickness that didn’t have a cure. Just recently she was unfrozen and given the cure, but her parents had died and now she’s all alone, stealing from stores just to survive.

Y/N arrived in the apartment building and practically collapsed to the ground from exhaustion. Looking through the bag, she was relieved to find her favorite item: waffles. She would eat those delicious things if they were stepped on by the worlds dirtiest pair of boots. The starving girl stuffed about 3 in her mouth, being sure to swallow it down with a water bottle she had found on the ground outside. It wasn’t the best life to live, but it certainly wasn’t the worst.

She gazed at the clock on the wall. Shit! Y/N was going to be late. Getting up and running towards Elliot Gussman’s door, she was surprised to see that it was open. That paranoid man always locked his door.

You could say that Y/N was Elliot’s friend, or you could say that she was really interested in his crazy theories he makes up. Either way, it’s still fun.

“Elliot?” she called, holding the box of waffles like it was a weapon. The ruffling noise in the room had got quiet, and Y/N gulped. “Hey, if it’s not a good time, then-”

Suddenly, a boy that appeared her age was in front of her in a flash of blue. She was so taken aback that she fell over. However, she caught herself and the boy furrowed his eyebrows, seemingly impressed.

“Do you know Elliot?” He asked, weary of her every move. She scoffed, deciding to be sarcastic towards him.

“No, I just happened to walk into the room calling Elliot. Elliot as in my dead cat. Have you seen him, by the way? He’s ab-”

He covered her mouth with his hand, rolling his eyes. Y/N was prepared though, and quickly bit down causing the boy to scream curses, letting go. She ran to Elliot.

“You okay? What happened? Did he hurt you?” She asks frantically, checking for injuries. Y/N would never let the only person who treated her with respect get hurt.

“No, It’s fine. We’re fine.” He responds in a panicked voice. Too panicked. She looks back at the boy who’s smirking at her.

“Yeah. Let the adults talk, okay princess?”

The 3 of them sat in Elliot’s living room. He was explaining his theories to the boy (named Five, out of all the names to exist) and he was very interested in the theories Elliot was talking about, except he actually believed them. One them being how the man saw people come out of ‘black holes’ in the exact same spot at different time periods. He was SO interested, in fact, that he offered to look for them.

That made Y/N suspicious.

Very suspicious.

After some very serious research (stalking) she had come to a conclusion that Five Hargreeves was from 2019 and he accidentally teleported his family to different parts of 1963 and were now determind to get back to their original home. It intruiged her a lot if she was being completly honest. Luckily, Elliot had eventually made a little room for her to stay in and Five was often there. So, her and Elliot were officially “part of the gang” as some people would put it.

After some time, Five and her got along REALLY well. They were both incredibly smart (and both mentally the same age but that was past the point) and had the same hobbies and interests. It wasn’t long before a relationship had started.

Well, it wasn’t labeled. And they certainly weren’t friends. Friends don’t share secret kisses and hold hands under the table.

And they thought that they could keep it secret.

And for awhile, they did.

Luther and Diego entered the house to find a dead Elliot on a chair. They were both very saddened by this, but it quickly turned into concern when the two of them couldn’t find Y/N anywhere.

She was always with him.

So you can only imagine the panicked state Five was in when he came in.

“What do you MEAN you don’t know where she is?!” He seethed, looking around. “How is she not with him? She’s ALWAYS with him!”

“Five, I’m sure we’ll find her-”

“Your reassurance is useless. I’LL find her, not you imbeciles. Now do us all a favor and stay here and...behave please. I’ll be back whenever.” And with that being said he teleported away.

In honesty, Five wasn’t that worried. He knew exactly where she was. It was a hiding spot she would go to whenever she felt sad or nervous. He went there immediatley to find her in the fetal position in the corner, crying and covered with Elliot’s blood.

“Y/N?” He asked weakly. She looked at him.

“He’s dead, isn’t he?” Her voice broke. Five couldn’t bare to do anything but nod sadly, looking away.

“It’s my fault.” She muttered, barely audible for him to hear. “I...I watched them, Five. I watched 3 guys beat the absolute shit out of him...I did nothing. I just ran! Like an idiot! He would be alive if I had just been there! Bu-”

Then Five did something that she (and he) never thought he would do.

He wrapped his arms around her torso and hugged her.

For the most part, Five wasn’t an affectionate person. The only thing he would allow were small touches on the hand if he was scared (which wasn’t often) and pecks on the lips if he was really feeling it.

It took her by surprise, but she melted into it, letting tears fall into his shoulder. He let her go when he noticed that her breathing was finally back to normal.

“You okay?” He asked softly again, wiping the remaining tears off of her face with the pad of his thumbs. She sniffed and nodded, making him smile.

“Not that this isn’t adorable...which, it is, but Five? We gotta go!” Diego’s voice was heard in front of them. They both gasped, turning to him with red faces.

“What are YOU doing here?!” he seethed, helping Y/N up. He chuckled before holding out a tracking device that showed Five’s location.

“Just in case you decided to turn against us at some point, I had this.” He explained, a smirk planted on his face.

“Whatever, let’s go.” Five mumbled, walking out of the room, his face still a nice shade of red. However, Diego turned to the girl.

“Sorry about Elliot.” He ruffled her hair before exiting.

GUYS I KNOW THIS IS TRASH AND HER BACKSTORY DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE BUT BARE WITH ME HERE IM RUNNING ON 1 HOUR OF SLEEP AND CAFFEINE HFJKIUJHNDKIUJSK

#tua #the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #five hargreeves #five hargreeves x y #five hargreeves imagine #five hargreeves x y/n #five hargreeves x reader #five hargreeve x reader

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khaleesiofalicante · 3 years

Note

I really said fuck classes who needs notes anyway (i do I have 5 tests in the next two weeks)

before I post my live blog here, I feel like people really underestimate how bad rumors are and how much they fuck with your mental health. they don't lose sleep over them, they don't think twice. but these things are harmful as fuck. they leave wounds that take so long to recover from because you keep on thinking about these lies who to others are "just words"

I've been there. it's not fun. I wish I had the courage back then to stand up to those rumors which I have now. these things never leave you. others might move on but the healing process is a journey that is long and hard. I wish more people understood just what effect their words can have.

Yeah, he knew a thing or two about family members going overboard with glitter.

IT'S RAFAEL CENTRIC GHSYGUJDUYDFUIKFDUIDFIUDF

TAVVY

DCSUIHDCSUIDUYUDICUIVSDUIHFVSUILFBUHKIFSV

I feel like I keyboard smash A LOT

“You will never drink even if you are not riding the bike,” Dad had pointed out – all Consul Voice and threatening glares. “The legal age for drinking in New York is 21.”

“But it’s 15 in Idris!”

“Well unfortunately for you, we are in Exile,” dad had grinned.

DAD ALEC UHIKSFDUIHKSGUIKSDVUIHKDVUHIKSVD

Max had a habit of ‘borrowing’ things and selling them on eBay. In his brother’s defense, Bapak had so many clothes that he never noticed when things disappeared. But Rafael did since he had a habit of wearing his father’s clothes.

The warlock – not the shadowhunter.

He wouldn’t be caught dead in one of those sweaters.

Now that Rafael was 18, he was almost as tall as his father.

The shadowhunter – not the warlock.

I AM SCREAMING

I love how he's clarifying which one he's talking about

“Do you know I used to have a crush on Lily Chen?” Tavvy blushed. “But then I found out she made out with Helen once and it kinda got weird.”

Ah yes. I remember. Does Rafael know that Alec also walked in on them?

ARCHITECT TAVVY

SDHDVUHDFSV,YDSFVUYVSFFUSVFUVFS

SHADOWUNTERS ATTENDING MUNDANE COLLEGES

“Dude, college kids don’t give a shit,” Tavvy laughed. “You could walk into a lecture covered in runes, holding a seraph blade and they wouldn’t give you a second look.”

“Cause they are chill?”

“Yes. But mostly cause they are dead inside,” Tavvy chuckled.

Surprisingly that's exactly what my grade 6 prefect told me (DAMN WHY AM I ALWAYS REMEMBERING GRADE 6 IT'S BEEN YEARS. that was a horrible year *shudders*)

ANJALI IS A CENTURION

LMAO THIS IS WHAT RAFAEL MEANT WHEN HE SAID HE WOULDNT WANT TO GO TO THE SCHOLOMANCE FOR PERSONAL REASONS

I still ship them.

“The meeting is going to go perfe-What is SHE doing here?”

Well, that was a quick change-

Unlike Aunt Maia, Lily did not like to be called Aunt Lily. So, Rafael respected her wishes. Max of course continued to call her Aunt Lily and sometimes Abeula Lily since his brother had a pathological condition of pissing people off.

THAT'S SO MAX OMG JHSXUHSCUHISDHUHUKIDVS

great now I miss Raphael

I HAVE A CLASS IN 7 MINUTES STOP MAKING ME CRY

that is so thoughtful of him though...

tears.

“There are no photos of Raphael,” Lily sighed.

“Because he is a vampire?” Tavvy asked sympathetically.

“Because he is Raphael,” she grinned. “Vampires can most certainly take photos. You should follow me on Instagram. My handle is simp_for_carstairs.”

Of course, it is. No one is surprised.

Tavvy picked one up, took a large bite and it threw it back immediately. “Holy shit, that’s spicy!”

“White,” Lily and Anjali snorted at the same time.

white people and their bland foods smh

“She is not wrong,” Lily nodded seriously. “I’m a Jem Carstairs fan first and a vampire second.”

As she should be

UHDSUHDFSUHFDH ANJALI AND RAFAEL COMPETING ABOUT WHO'S LILY'S FAVORITE

He observed Anjali’s long dark hair spilled over her shoulders as her eyes stayed on Lily – sharp, protective and beautiful.

"Beautiful"

I AM NOT LETTING THIS GO

I'm THE DAMN CAPTAIN OF THIS SHIP

FUCKING RUMORS

I'm GONNA KILL SOMEONE

“Shadowhunters are awful gossips,” Anjali said. “Let’s not waste our time with this nonsense.”

There was something in her voice. Something he couldn’t put his finger on.

No, wait I want to know what was in her voice.

But no. It couldn’t be. They weren’t dating.

YET

Rafael was sure there was something more than friendship between them. But David was polite to a fault and Max was an oblivious little shit. So, obviously nothing had happened yet.

OH MY GOD THESE TWO

But this was different. He would tolerate rumours about himself. But he would not tolerate rumours about his family.

I and Rafael will beat up the people who spread these rumors together :D

“She once told me she likes sipping tea more than drinking blood.

I-

same.

NOT THAT I DRINK BLOOD-

RAFAEL LMAO NO

"I hate her she's so annoying"

continues to daydream about her and how tall she'd be without those boots, lies to tavvy about her dating someone

Why did he do that? What was the purpose? Did he not want other people to date just because he wasn’t dating anyone?

And he calls Max oblivious.

oh class started

shit

IDC IDC I'LL STILL BE READING

LEXI AND SELENA ARE AT THE ACADEMY

JACE HYPER FIXATING ON THINGS BECAUSE HE'S BORED IS SUCH A MOOD

“David and I added rosemary to this one,” Uncle Jace wiped his hands on his apron. “It has definitely improved the taste, hasn’t it?”

“Save me,” David mouthed from behind the man.

LMAO POOR DAVID

“Empty nest syndrome,” Rafael chuckled. “I’m glad neither Max nor I had to leave home. My fathers are much worse.”

He remembered his first sleepover at the institute. His parents had waited for “an excruciating hour” before crashing the institute and joining the sleepover themselves.

yup, that's them.

“David,” Rafael grinned. “Are you afraid of my father?”

“What? No! He is the just a regular person…who can throw me in the silent city any time he wants,” David rambled and then shook his head. “Where is Max?”

He tried to sound nonchalant. But Rafael noted the way the other boy’s eyes fluttered every time he said Max’s name.

Just the way a crooked smile appeared on his brother’s lips every time someone said David’s name.

Idiots

ok, there is so much to unpack here.

DAVID HAS A VALID REASON OK??

These two are such IDIOTS HUSDUHISCUIDSVCUIHVSDUHI

“Max said Bapak is biased, and that he needs an unbiased tutor. Uncle Ragnor volunteered,” Rafael chuckled. “God bless the poor man.”

“Max isn’t that bad,” David replied.

“Looks like you’re biased too, David,” Rafael winked and picked up a spare bow from the training room.

of course, he is.

G-FORCE KJHSDCUISDYUKDFSUYKDSVYUSFD

oh shit

WHO DID WHAT THIS TIME

what's the rumor and who do I need to kill

He didn’t know her well. But she knew a lot about him. Just as she knew a lot about the twins. She was one of those people who was oddly invested in his life just because Rafael happened to the Consul’s son.

what is her problem?

what the fuck

I need a minute

I need a minute to digest that

I'm so glad I closed my camera in class

what the actual fuck did she just say

tell me I'm hallucinating

times like these I wish I was Jared 19

no, because I'm actually speechless right now

Paige and Irene need therapy

OH SHE WENT THERE

“Paige, that’s enough!” the Dean snapped at her. “How dare you talk to him that way? You talk about warlock corruption but where all of you when Valentine exploited Jace and Clary? Where was this moral obligation when Valentine lied to his children and played with their feelings as if they were nothing but toys to be controlled and manipulated? I’m sick of shadowhunters victim blaming children instead of holding people like Valentine accountable.”

THANK YOU

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK SIMON

I feel like we all focus so much on the "incest" and hate on clace we forget that this part of the story was literally an abuser seeing that the victim was recovering and took the only thing which made him happy from him

I can't believe this

“Children have been suffering for a long time now, Paige,” Uncle Jace said now, his fists balled at his sides. “Where were you when Alec proposed the child protection bill? We didn’t see any of you supporting it.”

“We had other priorities,” the older woman replied. “People were dying! It was not the right time for a new law. We could have always signed that bill later. There was no rush!”

OTHER PRIORITIES MY ASS BITCH FUCK YOU

hey just realizing Rafael is the token straight

I'M SORRY IM TRYING TO DISTRACT ME

“The Cohort who made children kill themselves to prove a point?” Uncle Simon asked dryly. “That Cohort?”

I am so close to either crying or killing someone or both.

This was Max’s spot since it had the best Wi-Fi coverage.

yeah trust me I spend all the time in the guest room because it has the best wifi coverage or the study.

MAX IS SMOKING TOO

YOU FUCKING IDIOTS

oh wait

oh they might be alec's

yeah

For the next thirty minutes, Max paced around the room, threatening to portal all the shadowhunters to hell.

Then he went on about a plan to attack the cohort and portal them all to hell too.

He kept talking about portalling people to hell.

MAX YES LET'S DO IT!!!!

But here is the thing about people, they don’t get to you. You get to them.

They simply say something and leave. They probably don’t even mean the things they say or lose sleep over it. But it wasn’t the same for you. You obsess over it. You stay awake at night and let it consume your dreams.

YES! To others, it's just words. meaningless. to you, the effect can be so so deep. it's not easy to always brush them off.

NO MAGNUS

THAT'S IT

MAX AND I ARE PORTALLING PEOPLE TO HELL

WE'RE DOING IT

why do we hurt others?

my teacher: ill take a test on this chapter. all 20 units

me: softly crying because people are little shits and they hurt others.

“Fuck everyone else,” dad hissed. “They’ve hurt our family enough.”

EXACTLY. LEAVE THEM ALONE.

“I am simply being honest with you,” Dad interrupted. “I could never be okay when you are away from me. But I will manage. Max is going to raise hell though. So, that’s going to be fun.”

AS HE SHOULD

Neither Rafael nor Max would never admit it out loud, but on the day of that sleepover, on the day their parents had crashed the institute bcause they had missed the kids too much…Rafael and Max had been only a moment away from calling their parents to come pick them up.

He's right though.

it'll take time. lots of it maybe.

BUT THE ACTUAL AUDACITY.

It fucked with his mind so much.

Rafael...ALRIGHT WHERE ARE MY FLAMETHROWERS

“DAD! BAPA! WAKE UP! RAFE IS TRYING TO RUN AWAY!”

MAX REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF MY LITTLE BROTHER

He had forgotten about the bloody paperwork. Shadowhunters on their travel year had to notify the Clave and get their paperwork in order.

Well, it shouldn’t be a problem since the Clave was standing across the hall.

EXACTLY

Because it was killing him. It was killing him not to be lying on the couch, his head resting on his Bapak’s lap just like every other Saturday morning.

It was killing him not to touch, not to love, not to care.

GET MY FLAMETHROWERS AND CANNIBAL GOLDFISHES WE HAVE SOME WORK TO DO

(goddamn every class I have taken so far the teacher has told us there is a test coming up it's 9 am in the morning.)

His brother growled at that like the little feral animal that he was.

that's adorable actually.

“Fine,” Max rolled his eyes. “Does this mean I can also travel? There is a Twenty One Pilots concert in Sydney and-”

“Nice try,” Dad said. “But no. You are staying here.”

“Excuse me, but what about my healing?” Max demanded. “I’ve been traumatised by this thing.”

“You can go to therapy,” Rafael winked at this brother.

Therapy is boring but useful so-

He needed to survive this. So, he decided to go back to the place he had learned how to survive in the first place.

He needed to go back home.

UGLY CRYING WHILE TAYLOR SWIFT PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND AND MY HISTORY CLASS IN 2 MINUTES

I'm so proud of him for this...

I still say we kill these people.

JOAQUIN AND JULIETTE

UHISDCUIHFSDUGUIDFVDSDVFJHGDFVHUKDVHUKVF

Camilla Alvarez.

well well.

OH THEY KISSED

“Right,” Rafael had said. “Gap year. Besides, I do talk them. My brother threatened to paint my room in hot pink if I don’t text him every day.”

hands max a pint of paint HAVE AT IT

Max: Also – New Rumour. Dalliance between Lily and Tavvy.

Rafe: OMFG WHAT

Max: They are running with it and freaking old n*philim out.

AS THEY SHOULD UFUHIFUIHFUIHKFU

THE CENSORED N*PHILIM I'M SCREAMING

“He is hot.”

He laughed out loud. “Yeah. I hear that a lot.”

“Your dad looks kinda scary,” she pointed out.

Rafael laughed again. “Yeah. I kinda hear that a lot too.”

I'm liking this ship...

I'M STILL LOYAL TO THE RAFAEL AND ANJALI SHIP

but I'm happy for him. I'm glad he's getting the space he needs

Dad: Jst found legal age fr drnkng in Buenos Aires is 18.

Rafe: ????

Dad: I hv friends thr.

Rafe: ???

Dad: Thy r watchn u.

Rafe: Creepy but okay.

HJSDCGUIHJGSDCYUICVXUHVUHKDV

THE BOY'S DRINKING Y'ALL

Do it

MILA IS GOING TO NY!!

I like her. she's nice.

He was leaving soon. He didn’t see the point in lying to her. “I ran away from home. Kind of.”

“Why?”

“I hurt someone I love,” Rafael confessed. “The person I love most in the world.”

honey, it wasn't your fault... hugs

Shit. Why wasn’t Bapak going to the accords signing? He had been there for every single one since the very first time.

no no no no is something wrong?? I'm worried.

“You look taller,” Rafael told his brother who hadn’t grown an inch.

LMAO

Max and I are vertically challenged.

“Rafe, go to talk to him. Or I will tell everyone you’ve been smoking in the balcony!”

So, he was going to pin this on him, huh? This little shit.

well-

“You’ve progressed from freaking to fucking,” he pointed out.

“That’s not the fucking point, Rafael!” Max said in exasperation.

“You did it again,” Rafe pinched Max’s cheek. “My little brother is all grown up now. Linguistically I mean.”

“Dick."

I CAN'T WITH THESE TWO

When he had gone back to Buenos Aires, the place was completely different - even the shadow market.

There were no abandoned children in the streets. There were no racist and ignorant leaders exploiting innocent downworlders.

There was only growth.

His father had done that. Alec Lightwood had helped Joaquin and his people create a new world in Buenos Aires.

This shows how much people can flourish under good leadership if they really try.

YOU KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING THESE NOTES DOWN, NOT CRYING OVER THIS.

“I will protect our family. I will protect our friends. I will protect those who ask for my protection. But I will not tolerate their hate. I will not turn my head and pretend it doesn’t hurt. Because it does hurt and that’s not okay.”

Rafael smiled at that. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s not okay.”

“The accords is important. But so am I. There is no point in signing a treaty that is meant to value equality if I have to sign it while being surrounded by those who refuse to respect me or my identity. I simply cannot do it, Rafael. I hope you understand.”

I'm sobbing like YES YOU DONT OWE THEM SHIT. THESE UNGRATEFUL BITCHES.

“It’s taken me a while to realize this. But I don’t owe the nephilim anything,” Bapak said firmly. “It’s about time they realize that too.”

YES EXACTLY

“I’ve known shadowhunters for a long time, Rafael. Good ones. Bad ones. All kinds of them – and shadowhunters have always defined themselves by their love. Not by your weapons. Not by your runes. Not by your last names. Not by your laws. Shadowhunters have always defined themselves by love. So, don’t ever let them take that away from you.”

I want this on a T-shirt. These damn shadowhunters and their love.

“Like the Accords Hall kiss?” Rafael grinned.

“It’s the stupidest thing your father had ever done – which is really saying something,” his father laughed. “But it’s also the bravest thing I’ve ever seen him do. And that’s how I knew.”

affectionate sigh that's alec.

“Good. Max is sitting in the porch and singing All by Myself,” Tessa chuckled and closed the door. “Just thought you should know!!”

Rafael giggled at that. “He must have given you hell.”

“Nothing I couldn’t handle,” Bapak shrugged, and Rafael raised an eyebrow. “Fine. I might have promised to buy him a car when he turns 18.”

“You’re hoping he would stop aging by then, aren’t you?” Rafael chuckled.

Max is so dramatic I aspire to be like him.

Blue banners when the lost return, the shadowhunter rhythm said.

Rafael had returned home – and he was no longer lost.

I'm ok I say as I cry during my history class

I'm so proud of him.

“Well, that needs to be rectified immediately,” Dad said in the Consul Voice and literally yelled. “I am about to kiss my son – on both cheeks! You better gossip about this too!”

“Oh my god, stop!” Rafael giggled and tried to escape.

“YAS!” he heard Uncle Jace yelled from somewhere. “GIVE US A FOREHEAD KISS TOO!”

THEY ARE SO DRAMATIC I LOVE THESE IDIOTS SO MUCH.

THEM ADDING TO THE ACCORDS AS THEY SHOULD OMG

“The hell is hate speech?” someone asked.

Do you not have a dictionary you uncultured swine

“There is a very clear difference between free speech and hate speech,” Cristina Rosales pointed out. “The fact that you don’t seem to know that is all the more reason for us to include this provision.”

YES CRISTINA

“By the angel,” an old man gasped. “There is no need to be so emotional. The younger generation can be such snowflakes.”

What if I just strangles him

“Discriminatory language?” a woman demanded. “What does that even mean?”

“Calling vampires bloodsuckers,” Lily Chen answered.

“Calling warlocks demon spawns,” Ragnor Fell pointed out.

“Calling werewolves fleabags,” Maia Roberts declared.

“Calling faeries half-breeds,” Kieran Kingson all but yelled.

The fact that they have had to deal with this shit for YEARS. (also why Kingson? isn't Kieran the king?)

THE QUEEN HERSELF IS HERE Y'ALL

“Which one of you shitheads said hate speech is harmless?” Anjali demanded, her voice booming over everyone and everything else.

YES ANJALI

Anjali had a grin of her own. “While that might true, Paige, there is most certainly a law on child protection. You didn’t just hurt Magnus Bane. You also hurt his son. Section 7 of the Child Protection Bill states that any person who physically or emotionally injures a child through ill-treatment, neglect, abandonment or abuse is guilty of breaking the covenant.”

“Damn straight!” someone yelled from the crowd – it sounded suspiciously like Kit.

CALL THESE BITCHES OUT YES

“Rafael is not a child!” someone yelled again. A lot of them this time. “It’s still not illegal. The law doesn’t say so!”

“By the angel, for someone who is obsessed with the law you people seem to know nothing about it,” Anjali said in exasperation. “The child protection law defines a child as a person under 18 years OR younger. The incident happened when he was still 18. It’s illegal.”

YES ANJALI FUCK THESE PEOPLE

“I’m the Inquisitor’s daughter,” she said. “Next time, think twice before you quote the law at me.”

SHOW THEM, QUEEN

How did she know his birthday????

ahem

“So, if you do hurt him emotionally, you can still be implicated. You will face charges and you can possibly be stripped of your runes,” Anjali pointed out seriously. “Now I ask you again. Does anyone else have to say anything about him?”

There was absolute silence then.

“Didn’t fucking think so,” Anjali spat. “I literally had to mention the stripping of your marks for you to respect another person’s basic rights. If you give half the value you place on your precious runes to other people, we wouldn’t be in exile right now.”

The Cohort looked terrified – of Anjali or their future in the Clave, Rafael didn’t know.

“People are dying,” Anjali said, her voice heavy now. “Our people are fucking dying, and you seem to be more bothered with who is sleeping with whom. Shame on you. Shame on all of you!”

She turned to the Council. The Inquisitor looked like he was going to cry from pride. Rafael’s dad looked half terrified but mostly impressed. Lily was blowing kisses at Anjali. The other downworld leaders looked quite pleased.

Shadowhunters are so fucking bigoted and narrow-minded. I'm seething right now.

also, alec looking scared-

“THAT’S THE BEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!” Emma Carstairs yelled.

“Goddamn, I wish Magnus was here to see this,” Uncle Jace grinned. “That was satisfying as hell.”

“No worries, I recorded the whole thing!” Kit put up his hand.

YES YES AND YES

“Fuck the Cohort,” Rafael giggled.

“Actually, I would prefer you use the word screw,” his father pointed out. “Screw the Cohort!”

“Oh my god, Dad!” Rafael rolled his eyes. “I am allowed to swear once in a while.”

“No, you are not,” Dad said firmly – this man was so not ready to meet Max’s new persona. “As your friend pointed out, you are still a child.”

Alec seeing Max curse left and right: 👁️👄👁️

"She hates me!"

“Rafael, she stood up for you in front of the entire Clave. She fought the Cohort. It was incredibly brave. I wish she had spoken to me before without causing all the chaos. So, it was a little stupid of course. But still brave.”

Stupid but brave.

YESYESYESYES IT'S HAPPENING!!!

ANJALI WHO HURT YOU

WHO DARED TO

Names. Give me names NOW

Jaime no...please no not Jaime.

please please, please

ok, I searched it up. And he can get treatment. He can live. It doesn't have to be serious. please, Jaime...

“If you ever tell anyone you saw me crying, I will drag you to Idris and drown you in Lake Lyn.”

This is such an Anjali thing to say.

OOO MILLA (Mila?) MESSAGED!!! Is there gonna be some sort of love triangle here??

me who despises love triangles (aside from TID of course): ...

BUT SINCE IT'S YOU I'M SURE IT'LL BE AMAZING. I'm still nervous about this though...

UHCUHDVUKDVHUKVHUVHM I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO SO SO SO MUCH IT WAS A LITERAL ROLLERCOASTER AND ANJALI QUEEN I LOVE

see ya on Friday!!

OKAY I AM LOVING THIS ENERGY BUT PLEASE FOCUS ON YOUR CLASSES FJKSDFHJKSJFHKD I PROMISE THE STORY IS GOING TO BE HERE WHEN YOU GET BACK LOL.

But I am so glad you like it. Amidst all your screaming and chaos, I always find very perceptive and profound observations. It's fantastic! I love it so much!

Thank you for enjoying LBAF - and good luck with your tests!!!

#lbaf

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sopeyb23-blog · 4 years

Text

Love Language

*not my Gif

*I do not own any CM characters

Summary: reader thinks about how their relationship with Spencer has evolved through touch!

Warnings: talk of past drug use, crying, angst i guess, but mostly fluff

word count: 2.2 K

A/N: this was pretty fun to write, it is mostly little flashback scenes and I love doing those. I did this after seeing @veraiconcos‘s writers challenge and thought that was super cool, all of her things are amazing so definitely check out her blog!

enjoy!!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Spencer Reid's love language was never touch. I suppose the burden of all his knowledge is knowing exactly the amount of germs passed by a single touch, and which of those germs are alive, and which could get him sick, and which sickness could take root, and, well you get the point. When I first started at the BAU Spencer still seemed to me like a shy little kid. We were the same age, I like to tell him at least once a day, I'm actually a full month older than him. I think that's one of the many reasons that him and I became friends so fast. My first friend was of course, JJ. After all she is very close in age to me and Spencer, and is one of the first contacts I had with the BAU. She told me before I had met any of the team, that Spencer was, well, different. She made sure to warn me that he doesn't mean anything by his little actions of avoidness. It's just his way of keeping himself safe. This I understood.

The first time I was formally introduced to the team was much before I joined. The interview process is understandably long, they need to know a person before just throwing them in. After all, these people spend more time together working cases then they do in their own homes. -

“Hi, i’m Y/N , the new agent here” I shook the hands of everyone on the team but Spencers, remembering what JJ had told me. To him I smiled and gave a little wave.

“The number of pathogens that can be passed from a-” Spencer after seeing me wave to him began to do just what I suspected. When confronted with an uncomfortable situation, he began to hide behind his wall of facts.

“It's actually much safer to kiss” I continued for him and the look on his face was priceless.

“Yeah, yes, exactly.” A rose colored blush crept up onto his cheeks as he smiled at me.

“Oh great, now there's two of them” Morgan laughed at us before JJ pulled them away for another case.

The first time I saw someone actually touch Reid was when they returned home from the Tobias Hankle case. It hurt me to see Spencer (now my friend of almost four months) so absolutely traumatized. He would never say this to me or anyone else for that matter, but even at the time he came home, he was still feeling the effects of the drugs he was given.-

“Here they come, here they come” Anderson walked over to me as the team approached the glass doors of the BAU. I was surprised to see that Spencer was with them. I had assumed they would have taken him straight home, or maybe to the hospital.

“Welcome back, I'm glad you're alive, Reid,” he barely opened his eyes and nodded at me before sitting down in his desk chair. I waved JJ over to me.

“How bad?” she sighed and gave me the classic worried mom look we always tease her for.

“Very. I didn't think I would ever see him like this”

“Im so sorry JJ. do you think he’ll be okay?”

“Honestly, I don't know, but i'm going to drive him home, maybe if i'm lucky I can convince him to let me take him to the hospital. I'll call you, okay?”

It worried me even more to know that JJ too, was aware of how badly he was hurt. She turned her back to me and grabbed her coat from her office before going to Spencer's desk. From where I was standing I could just barely make out what she was saying.

“Spence, come on, let's get you out of here”

“JJ I have paperwork to do” he sounded dazed, like he wasn't really sure where he was.

“Its okay Spence, I’m sure Morgan wouldn't mind a few extra”

She gingerly took the files from his hand and helped him sling his satchel over his shoulder. Then, it happened. As they walked out of the room he stumbled. Just a little. Barely enough for anyone else to notice, but I was watching the two of them so carefully as they left I couldn't help but take an involuntary step towards them. JJ took a firm hold of his arm, and put her other free hand on his back. I could see him flinch for just a second, and then, his body relaxed into her and he let her guide him from the room.

After that night I became a full member of the team. Spencer didn't take any time off. He never went to the hospital, although Penn, JJ, and I tried countless times to get him to. After that night when he let JJ help him, when he let her touch him, he never seemed to be overly bothered by a handshake every once and awhile. The first time I touched him was still a while after that, I think my 15th case in the field. -

“Spencer it wasn't your fault.” He looked at me through his black rimmed glasses with a sad and blank expression.

“Then why would he address it to me?” this whole case I knew something was wrong. After Gideon had not shown the first time, JJ told me that he had resigned, but at that point Spence still hadn't told anyone about the letter.

“Because he knew that you needed to hear the news from him. Not from JJ, or me, or Hotch, or anyone else. There's nothing you could have done to convince him to stay Spence, he's even more stubborn than you are”

I paused to observe him in the dark silence of the jet. I brought my hand to his arm tentatively but when he relaxed and seemed comfortable with the touch, I gave it a little squeeze and smiled at him. -

Now, after Gideon had left I knew it. I had a crush on Spencer Reid. This came as no surprise at all to JJ or Penelope, but to me, it was quite the shock. He had now become comfortable with the little touches of assurance that I gave him often. More comfortable even than with JJ or Morgan. Sometimes I noticed he would even reciprocate the gesture. When he noticed I was tired or stressed or just having a bad day, he would put a hand on the crook of my elbow and give it a little squeeze. Just like I did that night on the jet. To other people this seems like nothing. But to me, and to him as well, this was everything.

When Spencer stayed in Vegas to investigate his father, JJ left. JJ as Spence and I’s best friend, is always a source of comfort and a safe haven in the stormy darkness that is our lives. When she left she pulled me aside away from Spencer and put a hand on her swollen belly. -

“ Y/N , I need to take care of Spence for me, okay?” I chuckled.

“JJ, of course, what do you think I’m here to do?” she looked at me with a deadpan stare.

“That's not what I mean. You know what was happening with him after Tobias right?” I nodded, the memories of his mood flashes, and anger, and sadness all coming to the forefront of my mind.

“he‘s going to need you to make sure that he doesn’t do anything stupid. Not Morgan, not Rossi, not Hotch, you. You are the only person on this team- in this world-. That he trusts right now. And you are the only person that could talk him off of that ledge.”

“I promise, JJ. I’ll keep him safe” She nodded at me but the worried expression on her face remained. -

JJ was worried for good reason as it turned out. I kept a close eye on Spencer as we looked into his past. The boys were all there to focus on the case. To solve what was in front of them. I was there more to focus on Spencer. There was one night. The night after we found his father, something in my brain just told me it was not going to be a good night for him. There was something in the coloring of his face, the way his posture was collapsed and the circles around his eyes were so dark, it told me all that I needed to know. -

I walked out into the hallway of our hotel and stopped in front of Spencer's door. The others were all asleep, and it was nearing one in the morning. But something told me that he needed my help right now. JJ’s voice in the back of my head reminded me that I needed to help him, I was the only one who could help him. I knocked three times on his door softly. I waited a minute before knocking again, with a little more force, and I heard some shuffling in the room before the door opened.

“ Y/N? What are you doing?” I walked inside the room without an invitation and sat down on the foot of his bed. The sheets were undisturbed and he was still in his work clothes though the tie was draped over a chair in the corner and his shoes were by the door.

“Talk to me” I looked up from my hands and continued.

“I don't mean, about the case, or your dad. I mean about you. I need you to convince me that you are okay”

“Who says I'm not?” I rolled my eyes at him and gestured to the chair across from me.

“I do. And as one of your best friends, your closest colleague, and someone who likes you, a lot. I think that should mean something to you” the last part slipped out a little fast and completely without me thinking of the repercussions.

“You like me?” he gave a faint smile that I could only partially see in the dimly lit hotel room.

“Yes, but that's not the point right now, we’re talking about you not me '' I brushed off his comment but I couldn't help the smile and blush that came across on my face.

“Im struggling” his voice broke a little when he said it and it broke my heart to see him in such pain.

I walked over to the chair he was sitting in and pulled him up by the hand.

“I'm going to hug you now. Is that okay?”

His partial nod was good enough for me. -

I got him through that night. I talked him off the ledge that JJ had warned me of. And she was right. I was the only one who could have done that. When we came back from Las Vegas, although neither of us had said a word, something changed between us. We were more than just friends now, we both knew that, but beyond that, we weren't really sure what we were. He would call me when he needed someone to talk him down, I would call him when I needed someone to talk me down. I would show up at his apartment any hour of the day to help him, and I knew that he would do the same. One of those nights when it just so happened that the both of us needed a little talking down after a hard case, I drove myself over to his apartment to find him on the couch crying.

To see him crying was something that my tired, and broken heart couldn't take. I threw myself next to him on the couch and pulled him into a hug, no questions asked.

“I needed that.” I said as soon as I lifted my head from his shoulder.

“Me too” we were both still crying, but there was something about the atmosphere that had changed. We weren’t alone anymore. We spent hours like that, sitting there, my head on his shoulder, his arm around my back, not saying a word, just collecting ourselves as best we could. At some point in the night I looked over at the clock: 2:45 am

He looked to the clock as well and then over to me, and with a single tear streaming down his face he looked at me and said,

“If I asked you to stay, would you?” I wiped the tear from his cheek.

“You don't even need to ask” he brought both of his hands to my cheek and pulled me into what I think is the most passionate kiss I have ever received.

That night told us both what we had become. It was no longer little arm touches or calls in the middle of the night. It was waking up to him beside me, seeing his hair ruffled from sleep and his eyes clouded by exhaustion. It was the little worried kisses he gave me in the field and the little squeal of happiness that Penelope made when I told her we were moving in together.

When I first met Spencer I wondered to myself if he would ever be comfortable with touch. But now as his sleeping body lays next to me and instinctually pulls me in closer, I know that there was never any reason to worry. Because even before, when the most contact I would get was arm touches in the midst of a panic, it was enough. It helped me learn that although not everyone wants or shows grand gestures. There are other ways, sometimes even better ways to say, I love you.

#vicficwriterchallenge #Criminal Minds #criminalminds #reader #reader insert #spencer reid #Spencerreid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader #penelope #penelope garcia #jj #Jennifer Jareau #derek morgan #promt #challenge

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dolokhoded · 2 years

Note

TWO!!! THINGS !!!!! maybe three ill see as i go

1. im currently reading war and peace and i am Enjoing it and i love your blog you seem like a cool person with whom id enjoy being friends

2. for the chARACTER GAME if you're still doing that could you please do either andrej because i despise him (affectionate) or denisov because i love him ??

i hope you have the most beautiful day keep on being Cool and Amazing

also last thing as an aroace i LOVE your headcanons and i want to say that andrej is aroace as well methinks

farewELLLLL

1) that is so sweet of u ty you also seem real cool !!!!!!

(also aroace andrei methinks yes.........)

2) I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE I HAVE SO MUCH IN MY HEAD ABOUT THEM LETS FUCKING GOOOOO ok let's do BOTH also this prob has 534967569 typos because i didn't spellcheck it because im lazy

andrei

Sexuality Headcanon: oh i never thought of it actually? i mean i ship him with women and men so def not straight lol. bi? bi. bi. on the aro spectrum definitely but not strictly aromantic.

Gender Headcanon: idk probably like,,, man. he seems like man. cis or trans idc he is man.

A ship I have with said character: andrasha his one redeeming trait (always keeping in mind i have mentally aged most women in the book by five years and aged down most men by five years) and then andrierre,,,,,, g ar b a g e. i love them.

A BROTP I have with said character: i guess i can say pierre although they were very clearly gay,,,, his relationship with marya is something i'd like to see more i like sibling dynamics and i got really hyped whenever they had like a Sibling Moment.

A NOTP I have with said character: andrei/lise i suppose, he just treated her like shit and she deserved better

A random headcanon: very touch starved. extremely so. will not initiate any physical contact himself because y'know he is Strong and Manly and thinks we're all stupid and worthless but if you touch his hair he will literally be at your mercy.

General Opinion over said character: bastard man fuckin IDIOT literally did not deserve a single good thing that happened to him. but also he's just like me fr. also i like to talk about this, but andrei was DEFINITELY a character written to die. from the moment he appeared in the story i was like yeah this bitch is dying. i genuinely think that he wouldn't be as good (and good i mean like well structured) of a character if he had lived. and then i also have a LOT to say about how SHIT his death was written but,,, anyways !

denisov

Sexuality Headcanon: idk. def likes men. maybe women too? definitely fruity that he never got married. idk i'm not good at,, labelling people as you may have noticed.

Gender Headcanon: NONBINARY VASKA DENISOV HAVE I NOT TALKED ENOUGH ABOUT THIS???? DO I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT MORE BECAUSE I WILL !!!!!!!!

A ship I have with said character: denisov/nikolai,,,, denisov/nikolai. there is a bit of a power imbalance at the start i'm not gonna lie to you but i feel like it,, kind of evens out throughout the story.

A BROTP I have with said character: once again the denisov/dolokhov/nikolai friendship is a real fun one. denisov as petya's cool mentor was rlly cute as well "where WERE you i've been worried SICK omg petya". he's so funny.

A NOTP I have with said character: denisov/natasha i guess idk

A random headcanon: denisov definitely knows music. i don't know what he plays but he plays something. also a sad one lol, AND BOOK SPOILERS BC YOU MENTIONED YOU'RE CURRENTLY READING THE BOOK AND IDK WHERE YOU ARE EXACTLY THAT'S A PRETTY BIG SPOILER, when petya died he avoided nikolai and the rostovs for so long because he just felt so guilty that he couldn't keep him safe. at some point he found himself in the same place as nikolai and that's when it becamse really clear that he was avoiding him and nikolai was like ayo what the fuck, and they had a nice talk about it, and eventually it all went well.

General Opinion over said character: he is my FAVORITE he is the BEST i love him,,, so so much. such a good little guy.

#asks #andrei bolkonsky #vaska denisov #war and peace

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rintarous · 4 years

Note

I know april fools just passed but,, could you do a bakugou headcanon where his s/o decided to dye her hair like shouto’s because he is her best friend and todoroki was like “what if we were twins for a day” and she thought it was a good idea to see how bakugou would react to it?? love your blog btw!!

this is so cute! thank you for requesting! and let us all imagine that its currently march 30 rn + idk how long dyeing your hair takes cs my mom wont let me dye my hair 😔 #ripjanshairgoals

sometimes you ask yourself how did you get so lucky to meet shoto todoroki and become best friends with him just because of this stupid idea he got for april fools day

as well all know todoroki has 2 hair colors parted in the middle right

and his brilliant idea is to dye your hair the exact same colors of his hair and call it a day

so of course you had to agree with him even if it costed you your natural hair color

so you two hit up kirishima in secret to help you dye your hair

also this is just to fuck with your boyfriend bakugo

^^ thats what todoroki said

anyway

so like planned, at exactly 8:30 where bakugo would be knocked out cold, you three would start your grand fools day joke

“babe, i’m getting tired” bakugou yawns as you two watch tv in the common room

“awww is it time for boom boom baby’s bedtime?” you cooed, pinching his cheeks

bakugo huffs and pulled you closer to his chest

literally 5 mins just passed and apparently bakugo cant take it anymore

“i’m sleepy. i’m going to sleep now” he checks the time on his phone and it deadass reads 8:05 PM

“goodnight katsuki” you kissed his cheek briefly to which he returns your love with a kiss on the lips

“night” he smiles, walking back to his room

after the coast is clear

both kirishima and todoroki emerge from the kitchen holding up what seems to be a plastic bag filled with hair dye

“let’s get this bread” kirishima giggles as you and todoroki share a knowing look

~an hour into dyeing your hair~

“holy fuck kiri how do you deal with this shit every other week” you whined as they placed your head above the sink for what seems like the nth time tonight

“stop whining” todoroki tsked as he holds half of your hair up

“stop scolding me who are you? my fucking dad?” you retort sending ur bff a glare

todoroki literally flicks your forehead but he forgot he got dye in his fingers now your forehead is stained in the color of red

“SHOTO WHAT THE FUCK” you screamed as you rapidly wiped your forehead

“heh you sound like my dad” he snickers

kirishima had to deal with the two of you for 4 fucking hours

but luckily those hours are over since the look is complete

you looked in front of the mirror with todoroki and kirishima beside you

“hOLY FUCK YOU GUYS” you squealed, twirling your hair with your fingers

“looks sick dude” kirishima comments, complimenting his work which is the hair job lmfao

“sho look we’re twins!” you turned to todoroki and gave him your iconic grin he grew up with

“i wish we were actually twins y/n” he says with a small smile pulling you into a side hug

you know what he means by that

you quickly thanked the two boys for their hard work and you tied your hair with some plastic so it doesn’t stain your pillows and shit

+ you had to get some beauty sleep to surprise your mans

fast forward to the next day

since bakugo sleeps early, he also wakes up early

and when he went downstairs to the bathroom to do his business he almost had an heart attack and blew up the boys bathroom after seeing the red stained sink

“fucking shitty hair and his shit he doesnt clean up” he grumbles to himself, staring at the sink

you on the other hand, you overslept because at the time you went to bed last night

so bakugo had to come all the way to your room to wake you the fuck up

bakugo knows you dont lock your door cs everyone probably knows by now that you’re dating him so if anyone who isnt bakugo goes to your room might be killed by bakugo himself if he finds out

and what bakugo saw was something he thought he only saw in movies

my boy lost all the color in his face when he noticed icy hot’s hair IN YOUR BED

(what he assumed was todoroki)

its safe to say you were awoken by the smell of burning caramel and explosions going off in your room

“FUCK IM AWAKE” you jolt up from your bed in high alert after literally witnessing a grenade go off in your room

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” bakugo YELLS the moment he saw your hair color

you faced bakugo who was literally at the brink of crying cause mans thought you were ch**t*ng on him behind his back

“KATSUKI” you laughed, walking near him to give him a hug

bakugo was holding in his tears at this point

he wiped a stray tear angrily and sniffled

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR” he croaked, his nose getting red

“IT WAS APRIL FOOLS. I’M SORRY” you apologized, holding his face

so basically everyone in 1-a was outside your room wondering what the fuck happened

todoroki took the liberty and opened your door to see you holding bakugo like he was a baby

“it was todoroki’s idea by the way” you throw todoroki under the bus, bakugo stays silent and just lets you hold him lmfao

“haha april fools” todoroki laughs as he watched bakugo cry

bakugo turns around and gave him the bakuglare™

which todoroki understood as “get the fuck out”

so he leaves quietly and gave you a smile of accomplishment on the way out

you let out a laugh and turned your attention to bakugo again

“i’m so hurt right now i don’t even know what to say” he starts, “but i’m not gonna ignore the fact you look good in it” bakugo admits

“i’m going have to punish you for making me think of things” bakugo says through gritted teeth before scooping you up at ease and throwing you to your bed

;)

#i got too carried away im sorry #requests ✍🏻#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #bnha imagines #bnha scenarios #bnha headcannons #mha imagines #mha scenarios #mha headcannons #bakugou imagines #bakugou scenarios #bakugou headcannons #bakugou katsuki #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader

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calmlftv · 4 years

Text

sweet creature. - m.c.

description: this is entirely self indulgent but here’s some dad!sos michael for our dad!sos michael needs. 100% fluff

word count: 2.3k

warnings: pregnancy, descriptions of labor pains and birthing process, descriptions of pain.

w/n: hi thanks to @spicycal i started and finished this within a matter of hours, i did not proof read this so if there are typos or errors im SO sorry! thank u sarah for the brain zoomies x

taglist: @spicycal @n-ctarinenga @irwinkitten @castaway-cashton @blackbutterfliescal @notinthesameguey @ashtonsos @loveroflrh @bestyearssos @treatallwithkindness @bestyearslftv @another-lonely-heart-blog @ashtonlftv

****

When Michael first finds out you’re pregnant, he’s overjoyed but nervous; while talking of the future he had confessed he was nervous about being a dad, his fears of “fucking up” his kid rearing their ugly head as you had laid in bed together. Your post-sex glow was shining over the two of you despite it having been a bit of time since your activities had ended, the conversation having started from your lack of protection earlier in the evening.

You had frowned at him, his face buried in the valley of your shoulder, lips and bits of scruff tickling your bare skin. “You’d be a great dad,” you said softly, fingers running through his hair. “I see how you wave to staring babies at grocery stores and in the dog parks, Michael. You’d be an excellent father to your kids.”

He lifted his head to match your gaze, his beautiful eyes shining. “You think so?” He asked softly, his answer being only a silent nod. He gave you a half smile and nodded back, dipping down to let your lips meet together.

“Then let’s give it a try.”

Your heart had leaped at his answer, the two of you giggling madly as his lips traveled down your neck. The conversation ended with the two of you deciding to just see where things go, not really doing anything to ensure anything but not exactly stopping it, either.

After some time you had started to feel unwell, chalking it up to stress in the current climate, the conversation you and Michael had being pushed completely to the back of your mind. You went weeks without taking a test, the sickness coming and going until Michael finally handed you the white and blue stick.

You had raised an eyebrow at him but went into the bathroom anyway, pacing back and forth in front of the sink as you waited for your answer. Michael had set it face down, the two of you biting the inside of your cheeks as the timer on your phone went off. Together you flipped it over, the answer you had been waiting for spelled out right in front of you.

The following months were filled with mixtures of emotions, the growing life inside of you quickly becoming the center of your lives. Michael insisted on taking a photo every month, his lips pressed firmly against your belly as Calum or Ashton would take the photo, a smile always on your face at the excitement he had over the arrival of your sweet babe.

At 6 months you were both in your best friend's wedding, a beaming smile as you stood behind her on her big day. The two of you joked about how you always knew you would be the pregnant one at her wedding, the drinks being poured for your other friends in your honor as you and Michael danced the night away. The wedding seemed to inspire something within him, his eyes glistening a bit differently as he twirled you around the dance floor.

“I love you,” he whispered, lips right beside your ear as he swayed with you. “And our little one. So much.”

You blushed and smiled, getting a little teary. “And I love you and our little one, too. So so much.”

The night continued on, the send off going off flawlessly and the two of you returning home. You both fell asleep right away, exhaustion hanging on every bit of you as you settled in.

At 7 months you had your baby shower, a bit later than you had wanted but with travel restrictions still being so complicated, you wanted to have time to get Michael’s mother and family there. While you had decided not to disclose the gender just yet, the party was filled with love and plenty of gifts for baby Clifford, everyone enjoying themselves with the games your best friend had helped you choose. Michael stuck by your side the entire time, ever the doting boyfriend as he checked in every so often, bringing you anything you needed and always being your helper when you needed to get up.

As it started to quiet down Michael seemed to get a bit jumpy, you having to call his name a couple times before he would appear beside you again, a nervous smile on his face as he would help you with whatever you needed. You had caught him in what seemed like a meeting with the boys, the four of them quickly talking over each other as they noticed you approaching, Michael seeming unbothered as he smiled at you. You just smiled back at him and let him kiss your forehead, your hands running over your belly as he kept you close.

About an hour after you walked in on that meeting Michael came over, helping you out of your chair and leading you to the backyard just in time to see the brilliant orange skies of Los Angeles, the sky taking your breath away as Michael chuckled.

“You’ve always loved sunsets,” he said softly, a light blush on your cheeks. “D’ya think little one will like them, too?”

You smiled, squeezing his hand. “I hope so,” you said softly, hand resting on top of your bump. You sensed Michael shifting beside you, the nervous energy around him making you raise an eyebrow as you faced him.

“What’s gotten into you today?” You asked softly, gently reaching up to get his attention. “You’ve been nervous all day…You’re not having second thoughts on this baby are you?”

Michael quickly shook his head. “No, no! Absolutely not,” he said, eyes dropping to the ground as he took a deep breath. “Just...nervous.”

You raised an eyebrow. “What about?”

Your lover lifted his eyes and met your gaze, a chuckle escaping him as he pulled his hands into his pockets. “You know,” he started, stepping closer to you. “Ever since the day we met, I’ve been wildly and incredibly in love with you. It slammed into me like a ton of bricks, and even through our friendship, I knew that all I wanted was you. All I could ever want is and always will be you, my love.” He paused, smiling at you as you tried to wipe the tears from your eyes. “Now, with our little one almost here, I’ve come to realize that I couldn’t ever ask for anything else. I want to keep you and our family safe for the rest of our lives, so…” he trailed off, hands coming out of his pockets as he knelt down to one knee.

“Yes,” you said, Michael laughing.

“Hang on, let me ask the question!” He laughed, the ring emerging from his palm. “My love, my angel. Will you marry me?”

You laughed and nodded, repeating your answer as he took your hand. You sniffled as he stood, his hands cupping your cheeks as he chuckled.

“I love you,” he whispered, pressing your lips together in the sweetest kiss.

“And I love you,” you whispered back, your lover pressing his lips to your forehead as he tugged you close, your belly bumping his as you laughed.

The rest of the night was the two of you celebrating your engagement, your friends and family members all offering their congrats on everything. Once the night was over and your friends were helping you clean up you were shooed off to bed, Michael escorting you away as your friends all said goodnight.

The next couple of months were a whirlwind, you and Michael throwing yourselves into the project that was the baby’s nursery. Your due date crept closer and closer, each day without your bundle of joy in your arms making both of you impatient. Thanks to Google, you were able to try every old wives tale to induce labor, mixing it with bouncing on your yoga ball as you tried to urge your baby out.

Your due date came and went, your date for inducing being set for a couple of weeks out while Michael and you prepared for a maternity shoot with Andy and Sarah. While it was a bit late, you had decided you ultimately wanted photos done for the memories, although you and Michael had already decided you wanted another one by this point; Andy and Sarah were more than happy to provide the photos for you, taking you to a stunning location and taking every photo possible.

Unbeknownst to Michael, you had felt some contractions already, brushing them off as the Braxton-Hicks your OB had warned you about. However, midway through the photos, you felt a trickle down your leg, embarrassment already creeping over you as you thought you had peed yourself. However, very soon after a contraction rolled through you, causing you to bend over and hold your belly.

“Angel?” Michael asked, immediately reaching for your hand. “What’s going on?”

“Um,” you uttered, standing up straight as the pain passed. “My water just broke.”

Immediately his eyes went wide, your lover looking to Andy and Sarah in shock. The two of them quickly started packing up while Michael ushered you to the car, carefully helping you in and quickly driving back home to pack the hospital bags. While he was scrambling around you were timing everything, bouncing on your ball again as you did so in hopes of it lessening the pain.

Soon enough you were back in the car, the two of you racing to the hospital and checking in at seemingly lightning speed. Once you were admitted and connected to everything Michael was at your side, hand holding yours as waves of pain rolled over you, each one worse than the last. With the help of nurses the two of you walked around, Michael cheering you on as you got closer and closer to the birth.

Then, finally, after what felt like eons, it was time to push.

Michael was at your leg, holding it back as he kept his face close to yours. With every push he whispered his encouragement, telling you how great you were doing and how beautiful you were, and how proud he was of you as you both ushered a new life into the world. Soon enough you heard the first cries, tears streaming down both of your cheeks as the doctor quickly cut the cord.

“It’s a boy!”

You let out a choked sob as your son was placed on your chest, the flood of emotions washing over you as you reached up to touch your baby. To your surprise, Michael’s hand was already there, his face pink and covered in tears as he gazed at his first born.

A few hours later you were all taken care of, a couple nurses helping you tie your hair back while your baby was cleaned. They smiled as the door opened, a third nurse rolling in the little bed your baby was laid in, the boy sound asleep as he was placed right beside you. After checking in that you were okay the nurses left, finally leaving you and Michael alone with your son.

Michael walked over, looking at the baby with a smile on his face. He seemed to be holding himself back, his hand reaching out to gently drag a finger across his son’s cheek.

You watched him and smiled. “You can hold him,” you said softly. “I’m sure he wants his daddy.”

Michael met your gaze and blushed, smiling shyly as he nodded. Carefully he picked up the baby, holding him in his hands as he gazed at him in amazement. He moved to his seat and sat down, eyes never leaving the sleeping child in his arms.

“Hey, little man,” he said softly, your heart soaring at his gentle tone. He sniffled, his eyes filling with tears. “You know your daddy loves you? How perfect he thinks you are?”

It took everything within you to control your own tears, your hormones still all over the place. “We need to name him,” you said softly, Michael looking up at you.

He nodded, looking back at his son. “I’ve always loved the name Ashton,” he chuckled, making you laugh lightly.

“I like that name,” you answered. “But I think I like Colby more.”

He met your eyes and nodded. “Colby,” he said, trying it out as he looked back at the babe. “Colby Tyler Clifford.”

You beamed, nodding in agreement as Michael looked at you for approval. “Colby Tyler Clifford it is.”

Michael grinned and carefully shifted Colby, leaning over to kiss the knuckles on your hand. “Have you slept yet?” He asked you, the question a bit pointed.

You sighed, getting his point. “I should,” you answered, eyes on your baby. “Promise you’ll stay with us? And that you’ll wake me if anyone comes by?”

Michael chuckled and nodded, standing and shifting the baby as he leaned over, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I promise,” he whispered, noticing your eyes already closing as he pulled away.

Soon enough you were asleep, Michael pacing the room with your beautiful baby boy in his arms. He hummed little tunes as they came to his head, quietly singing lyrics to them as he focused solely on his son. Eventually he found his way back to his chair, still quietly singing as he heard a light knock on the door.

He looked up just as a nurse quietly stuck her head in the door, obviously noticing your sleeping form in the bed and waving him over.

“Hey,” she greeted, keeping her voice down as she noticed the babe in his arms. “When mama’s awake again we’ll get some paperwork and birth certificate over for you to sign, okay? And you guys have a visitor, they’re seated in the waiting room.”

He nodded, confused about the visitor but stepping out with the nurse. Colby stirred slightly in his arms, his little mouth opened in a yawn as his heart melted, doors opening for him as he stepped into the waiting room.

Immediately his eyes landed on Calum, his best friend standing from his chair the second their eyes met. He grinned at the bundle in his arms, his phone being tucked into his pocket as he stepped closer.

“Hey mate,” Michael greeted, voice quiet as he turned slightly. “Meet your godson, Colby Tyler.”

#michael clifford #5sos #michael clifford fluff #5sos fluff #dad!sos #blurbs.mc #dont come @ me for this ending #idk why i suck at endings lately #pregnancy tw #labor tw #pain tw

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northcarolinanative · 4 years

Text

𝐑𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐥

TW: Substance abuse, underage drinking, angst, Rafe Cameron

Description: Y/N Routledge is tired of the overbearing rules and protection from her brother John B after their father disappears. One night she rebels and goes a little too wild, and JJ is left to help pick up the pieces.

A/N: I’m kinda nervous to post this... I’ve got ZERO idea where this came from, but it popped into my head. AND if we can’t tell by now, Im a sucker for a Brother best friend... Also I swear this blog has turned me into a drew stan, not that im complaining. I’m not trying to glamorized drugs or anything in this, don’t do drugs for any reason, pls. This is set before the season starts. If you are struggling with substance abuse PLEASE talk to someone professional that can help, that is the first step. I am not sure if I like this imagine or not, let me know what you think, it's definitely something different for me. As always... Requests are open.

It was only one line. No one would even notice. It wasn’t a big deal. You had been drinking all night, this could not be any different. I stood up to walk away, my nose was burning, but I felt on top of the world though, I knew that. No one could knock me down, not even John B. That’s probably why I did it. He was treating me like a child. I know I’m his little sister, but he’s not my dad. If he can go out, party, do whatever then I should be able to too.

So here I was in the basement of some Kook house. I was not sure who had brought me here. I felt alive, the rush of the drug starting to taking over. I walked back up the stairs seeing my brother and his friends. I made a quick line to the drink bar. There I found a few clueless tourons pouring some odd concoctions of drinks. I hoped I had moved away from JB and his friends without them noticing me. We were all friends really, Kie was the closest thing to a best friend that I had, but they all were overprotective of me, like John B. I just needed to breathe.

I had apparently caught JJ’s attention when I came up the basement stairs. I had downed two more shots by the time that John B and the other pogues found me. A touron girl had helped me up on the countertop to dance with her. This was not like me at all, and the pogues knew that. Drunk me was quiet and angsty, I liked to pick fights, not make people stare at me while I danced on the table. JJ looked up at me first his eyes full of worry. I quickly turned away and looked back at the girl I was dancing with. She started dancing on me, while some guys yelled and called to us. I flipped them off grabbing the bottle from her hand and drinking straight from it, earning cheers from the crowd around me. JJ jumped up on the table with me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to dance with him.

“Y/N. What are you doing? You need to calm down, come with us, lets get some fresh air?” He asked worry coating his tone.

I scoffed at him. “Really JJ Maybank is trying to kill my buzz. That’s new.” I looked around and spotted the other pogues steps away on the oppisiteside of the counter.

“I saw you leave the basement Y/N. Do you know what they do down there?”

“JJ, I was looking for a bathroom.” I lied. “Don’t baby me, you know I hate that.” I kissed his cheek before jumping down. I made sure to quickly disappear into the crowd.

The others saw JJ move toward me but he turned around knowing he lost me. “JJ. You said you had it handled!” Kie stated.

“Something’s wrong” Is all JJ said. “She said to stop babying her. She was in the basement. This isn’t like her.” He locked eyes with John B, who was seeing red.

“We need to find her if she did…” He paused closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose., “she’ll crash soon, better us find her than some kook”

I was in the middle of a crowd dancing. My vision was starting to be affected by the mix of substance in my system. I felt someone come behind me, their hand finding their way to my hips. I swayed back and forth. I felt their head dip to say something in my ear. “I know you’re a pogue, and I’m a kook and all, but I won’t tell anyone if you don’t” Rafe. It all started to make sense, he was the one who lead me downstairs, said if I was “sick of being treated like a kid” too follow him. It was all adding up, as much as it could. I turned around facing him. He looked down at me, with a look that said it all. The room was starting to spin, faster and faster, I was starting to wobble a little. I gripped onto Rafe’s arms for stability. He took that as a clue and leaned down. The next thing I knew we were making out, there in the middle of the dance floor. I didn’t feel anything for him, but I didn’t mind it, as much of an asshole he was, I knew that he had given me the coke. His hands were making their way down my body. He was practically keeping my standing. Everywhere he touched was like fire, I could feel everything, except the ground under me. Then he was gone.

I opened my eyes to see Kie staring at me. Then back at Rafe. “I guess you liked the coke a little too much.” He said to me then looked over at Kie before walking away. The room was spinning so much faster. The air seemed harder to breathe in. I was just macking Rafe Cameron. What?

“Y/N! What the hell was that?” Kie exclaimed pulling you through the house and out into the cold air. I stopped and gripped the railing that was leading to the beach. “Come on! The boys are worried sick about you!” I just stood there gripping the railing with both my hands. “Y/N”

I just held my hand up. “Can we wait for the world to slow down? It’s - It’s rotating so fast” I said leaning against the railing.

“No. Think about that next time before you take drugs from a kook” Her tone was cold as she pulled me by the wrist to the beach. I stumbled onto the sand. The boys rushing over to us when they saw Kie pulling me behind her.

“Where the hell was she?” John B was quick to hold me up, a worried look on his eyes, when I leaned into him for support. I was not breathing right. I could feel it. I tried my best to focus on the group in front of me.

“Hmm. Y/N. Should I tell them or you?” She said crossing her arms. Her voice was cold too cold. I stayed quiet. I pushed it too far. Way too far. “Well I went into that big group of Kooks, and found our friend here macking on none other than Rafe Cameron” She paused, everyone’s eyes grew wide. “But the best part is that it was payment for her doing his coke.” Pope and JJ just looked at you with wide eyes. John B moved so that you were facing him.

“You did what?” He looked into your eyes, looking for any sign that Kie could be lying. “She’s lying, right? You didn’t do that?” He shook you a little. Tears started to form in my eyes. I shook my head.

“She’s not lying.” The tears kept running down my face. I couldn’t meet his stares.

“Why?”

“I don’t know, okay?” I wasn’t lying. “I barely remember going down the stairs, much less why. I’m sorry John B”

“Whatever. We’re going home” He let go of me and I stumbled a little bit. JJ looked at me, the others following John B, just as pissed. He had a look of pity in his eyes, Great.

He walked over to me throwing one arm around my waist, and mine over his shoulder. “I’ve got you” was all he said.

The walk back to the Chateau was quiet, but the tension could be cut with a knife. When we arrived back JB mumbled something about talking in the morning if I wasn’t still a drug addict. Which I deserved for the way I was acting. Pope and Kie sat on the pull out couch in the living room, watching as JJ walked me into my room, shutting the door behind him.

“Do you want some comfy clothes to wear?” He asked. I nodded leaning against the bed. My head was starting to hurt. I had not thought of the repercussions of my actions at all, tomorrow would be hell. “Here.” He handed me clothes to change into. “I’ll turn around, but I’m not leaving, the last thing we need is you falling as splitting your head open”

I quickly changed into the sweats and T-shirt that JJ had picked out. “There are some of your clothes in my closet.” I pointed. JJ lived with JB and I at this point, he had stuff in every room of the house. He changed as I sat on the edge of the bed, messing and picking at my fingers, a nervous habit that I had picked up somewhere along the way. JJ folded the bed down and motioned for me to get in. I laid down and he started to the door. “Wait “ I said. He stopped after turning the light off. “Can you stay?” I got my answer when I felt the bed sheets move and the bed beside me dip. I took a deep breath, I was laying on my back looking up at the ceiling. “Why are you being so nice to me? I was a total bitch tonight.”

JJ rolled over to look at me. “We all have our nights. You don’t think I haven’t had my share of rebellious moments?” He chuckled. “Now I never did coke or macked on Rafe Cameron, but I had my moments, and I wish someone would have been there to keep me from thinking exactly what your thinking.” He said. His voice was soft. This is the side of JJ that we rarely saw, the side he saved for when it was absolutely necessary.

“Oh, yea? What’s that?” I asked, rolling on my side to look back at him.

“That your a screw up”

I laughed at his comment. “I mean I kinda am. At least after tonight.”

“No. I’m serious. The only one that can give you shit tomorrow is Pope, that boy is a saint.” He laughed to himself. “You know me and John B have screwed up, even Kie with her year going full-kook.” He reached up moving the hair from my face. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yes?” I said with caution. We were incredibly close. I don’t know if it was the alcohol or my body, but it was nice.

“Why’d you do it?” A simple question, but one I didn’t want to think about.

“I know why I got drunk and left the group, the rest, I don’t have an answer for, it’s all a blur,” I said. I felt so bad. I felt the tears starting to form in my eyes again. As I blinked they began to fall slowly, “I guess I am sick of JB treating me like a kid. He gets to run around and do whatever he wants. I help pay for the bills, we help each other, we are equals around here. He still thinks he can control me. I love Kie, but she gets the same way like she’s my mother. I know that you all trying to protect me, I get it, but it feels like I’m being suffocated.” I let out a breath, It felt nice to finally get it off my chest. “Even you see me as just a little kid, even though I wish you didn’t.” I quickly covered my mouth. I couldn’t believe I said that.

JJ put his hands on either side of my face, wiping the tears away. “Y/N, I haven’t seen you as just a little kid, in along time.” He chuckled a little at the comment

“Wait, does that mean-”

He cut me off. “We’ll talk in the morning when you have less alcohol in your system.” He placed a chaste kiss on my forehead.

“You’re gonna have to get in line.” We both let out a short laugh before JJ pulled me into his chest.

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