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solar-wing · 5 months

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⚣ Five & One 💪🏻

⚣💪🏻 A/N → This is a re-post and, once again, it was inspired by this post by @gone-batty-fics. I'm leaving the full NSFW version up here since it's not that much, so no need for an extra link. I hope you guys enjoy reading this around a second time and sorry if any of you have been missing it. This was my most popular post on my previous account and I'm sad I gotta start it over, but oh well. WARNINGS: Breathplay/Choking, Implied Size Kink, Jealous and Possessive Behavior, Rough Anal, Violence, etc.

⚣💪🏻 Summary → Five times people thought you needed rescuing from your boyfriend, Jason Todd. And the one time, someone needed rescuing from you.

⚣💪🏻 Words → 7.8k

REBLOGS & replies are greatly appreciated, please! 💛

Also, vote in my Omegaverse/Yandere poll here!

⚣ ENJOY 💪🏻

Okay, you got it.

Your boyfriend was a very intimidating and scary guy when he wanted to be. But, that didn’t mean people had to keep asking you if you needed saving like you were some damsel in distress. You weren’t even a damsel! You were a damsmen. Damsman? A Damson?

Oh, forget it. Point still stands, people needed to stop treating you like you needed rescuing. You were fine! Besides, when he wasn’t out hunting criminals, Jason was literally the least threatening person in the world. It was you bitches should be worried about! And if bitches didn’t believe you, bitches could just find out on their own.

Bitch.

The first time wasn’t bad. You considered it actually sweet and could see how under the circumstances someone was not aware of the dynamic between you and the vigilante.

It was a sunny day in Gotham for once. Everyone was out, enjoying the sunshine while having barbecues in the parks, strolling down the street in sunhats and sandals, and going swimming at the local pools. You were no different, seeing the usual moody and depressing atmosphere absent from the sky and deciding immediately to take advantage of it and drag your boyfriend Jason out, making the whole day a date between you two.

You and Jason decided on simple outfits since the sun was out and the temperatures were warmer than usual. You decided on a regular button-up, leaving the top three buttons down to show some skin, which your boyfriend both loved and hated since he could ogle your chest with no shame, but anyone else could do the same. You paired it with some boat shoes and simple shorts that did an excellent job hugging your ‘boo-twah,’ a nickname Jason gave your ass for its large-hand-friendly size, as he liked to say.

“Instead of like boo-tee, it’s boo-TWAH. It’s just out there.” He explained one morning when you had spent the night at his place. Jason, sitting and ogling at his boyfriend in his well-fitted yoga pants and sleeveless hoodie while you made breakfast.

“You are such a nerd.” You laughed at him.

“Well, this nerd scored big,” He responded before landing a heavy smack on your behind, which you chastised him for since he made you almost fling the eggs you were scrambling out of the pan.

Back to the sunny day, Jason dressed simply too but was more relaxed than you. He went for a comfortable pair of joggers, one of his nicer gym shoes, and a tank top covered by a sleeveless hoodie since he got hot easily.

A few months after you and Jason got together, he told you about his double life and his family’s. It explained why when he would spend the night at your house a few times, you’d play doctor while wondering where he was getting all these bruises and wounds. As you and Jason grew closer and began to explore your ‘interest’ in each other’s bodies, you’d find he was actually shy about his body even though the man was built like a tank.

It wasn’t necessarily his body he was ashamed of. It was his scars he actually didn’t like. All things he saw as painful reminders of his more than rough past, especially the bigger ones he had received from Joker. You were patient with him and reminded him at every possible chance that his scars were nothing to be ashamed of. Instead, they were to be celebrated and seen as trophies. Reminders that in the face of everything thrown at him, he came out on top stronger than ever.

Over time, Jason became more confident and comfortable in his body. He bought more shirts, tank tops, and shorts that showed his arms, chest, and legs. Even going as far as cutting the sleeves off some of his hoodies since you owned many pairs, and he loved how they looked on you. He’d prefer to wear yours, but since you were much smaller than him, he’d end up stretching or ripping them. Now, you were no dainty stick or anything like that. You had some meat on your bones and were taller than the average guy. But again, Jason is built like a tank and very much dwarfed you in size.

You weren’t complaining.

He also loved the benefit of the sleeveless hoodies as they made him look more intimidating, which helped whenever he noticed other guys and girls at the gym ogling you a little too long for his liking. He didn’t care who it was, Jason would always look out for and protect you.

Yet, others seemed to see it differently as you walked down the street in Gotham, going in and out of the various stores. You were both sipping on some slushies while chatting about whatever, Jason holding your shopping bags in one hand. You tried to snatch the bags from him multiple times since you didn’t want to feel like Jason was your butler or servant. Besides, you worked out too. Look at your arms! You could carry Jason if you wanted to.

Okay, yes, you knew that was a lie but you were allowed to dream. You’d get there…someday.

“Jason, give me my bag. I can carry it myself!” You said, trying to reach for the bag again.

“Sorry, Bugs, you know the rules. You’re not allowed to carry anything in my presence. Well, except my love for you. That’s heavy enough as it is.” Jason said with a cheeky smile.

You rolled your eyes at your boyfriend’s corny behavior and another one of his nicknames for you. You’d made the mistake of bringing Jason around your best friend during a study session for one of your classes. He revealed your childhood obsession with Looney Tunes and how many times when you reacted to a situation, you were a carbon copy of Bugs Bunny with his sarcasm and behavior.

“Get away from me dude,” You said, putting distance between yourself and the brick wall of a man.

“Ah, get back here.”

Jason grabbed you by your waist and pulled you to his side, nuzzling his face into your neck while tickling your sides.

“Jason, stop!” You shouted in laughter, trying to push him away.

“Never! You are now my hostage.” He joked back with you.

You stood there for a few more seconds wrestling with each other on the sidewalk. Someone should really scold you two for acting so cutesy and loving out and public like that. WE GET IT! You’re in love! Stop rubbing it in our faces.

When you broke apart, you found yourselves outside a bookstore. You saw Jason’s eyes light up even if his face didn’t show it. He turned towards you, giving you his best puppy-dog eyes and pout.

“Oh, get in there you dork. But, don’t max out your dad’s credit card!” You said, successfully pushing him off you.

He leaned down to plant a kiss on your lips before shooting into the store like the Flash. “No promises!” He yelled over his shoulder.

While he was in the store living out his childhood fantasy, you decided to let your ankles rest since you had been on them for a few hours. Jason offered to carry you at one point, and though it was tempting, you declined.

You sat on a nearby bench while scrolling on your phone for a bit. Your head shot up when you spotted someone approaching you from the street. It was two girls, both who looked to be in their late 20s to early 30s, carrying concerned looks on their faces.

“Hi!” You spoke with a smile, waving to the women walking up to you.

“Hey, are you okay?” One of them asked when they got to you.

Now, you had a confused expression on yours.

“I’m sorry?” You responded with a puzzled eyebrow raised.

“We were across the street when we saw that guy grabbing you. We can walk with you to the police station if he’s harassing you.” The other woman said.

‘Were these chicks on crack?’ You thought.

“Um, I think there’s been some confusion–” You started but was interrupted by the door swinging open, an excited Jason springing out of the store.

“BABE! THEY’VE GOT A MINT-CONDITIONED PRIDE & PREJUDICE! Can I get it?! Please!!!” Jason shouted while running up to you and grabbing you by your arms.

You could barely keep off the amused smile on your face while looking around your boyfriend’s shoulder to see the two girls looking shocked and embarrassed by your giant for a boyfriend, begging you for a book like a kid.

Jason turned around as well, seeing the two women staring at you two while he just pulled you closer to his body, wrapping his arms around you.

“Who are your friends, Bugs?”

“Just some nice girls being friendly,” You answered before using your hand to turn Jason’s head back toward you. “Don’t you already have three copies at home, Jason? Why do you need another?”

“Okay, but those are all old copies and are falling apart. This one is BRAND NEW! Never been opened. Please!!!”

You could only sigh at his antics before turning back to the girls, “I’m fine, ladies. But, thank you for asking.”

They both nodded with embarrassment before walking off down the street, Jason watching them with a confused expression before looking down at you.

“What was that about?”

“Don’t worry about it.

This one also wasn’t so bad, but it was still annoying.

Your parents were out of town for a month for their anniversary, so you invited Jason over. When he got there and saw how your cupboards and fridge were damn near empty, he was upset at you for not telling him you had no food and your parents for not supplying you with anything.

Truth be told, they literally just forgot to go before they left. Jason always wondered where you got your forgetfulness from. Now, he knew.

So, he dragged you to your local wholesale store once again with his adoptive father’s credit card to stock and load your cabinets so you wouldn’t go hungry. Well, really so, Jason wouldn’t go hungry since he would be spending a lot of time at your place now. Again, the man was like a mountain, so of course, he ate like one.

You had been in the store for about 15 minutes, and already your cart was damn near half-full.

“Jay, don’t you think this is enough? We don’t have to get a bunch of stuff today.” You voiced, eyeing the growing basket with concern.

“Bugs, you can’t stay in your house for a month and not have any food. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you go hungry?” He responded while grabbing four boxes of your favorite cereal brands off the shelf and placing them neatly in the basket.

If it’s one thing that shocked you to learn about Jason was that he was very clean and organized with anything. You expected that trait more out of his brothers like Tim or Damian. But in truth, Tim was more of an organized chaos type of guy, and Damian was very simplistic, so he didn’t really need to organize much, except for his drawings and paintings, which he sometimes left scattered all over his desk.

Dick was a mess that couldn’t be saved. God bless the soul that ended up with that man.

But Jason was the cleanest out of all of them. The man could barely go two days without scrubbing down or re-organizing something. Again, you weren’t complaining. Every time he came over, he’d clean your room without you even asking.

“Okay, but my parents did leave me money to order out. Plus, I don’t want Bruce thinking I’m using you for money, or anything like that, especially since you keep taking his credit card.” You pointed out to which your boyfriend scoffed in response.

“Please, as much as that man has put me through, maxing out his credit card is the last thing he’s worried about me doing. And don’t worry, he and the rest of the family love you. Honestly, if it wasn’t for you dating me and the fact that you have great parents, I wouldn’t be surprised if the old man didn’t try to adopt you, which, if I haven’t mentioned this already, I don’t recommend.” He finished while heading further down the breakfast food aisle and grabbing boxes of Pop-Tarts.

“Fourth time.” You stated. Jason does not hold back regarding his tense relationship with his adoptive parent.

That was something you’d also been watching him work on.

When Jason met your parents and saw the relationship between your father and you, it opened up an emotional wound he wasn’t prepared for. And though he still had some resentment toward the Billionaire Playboy, aka the Dark Knight, for not sending Joker to the seventh ring of hell after his death, it didn’t mean he didn’t still care for and love the man. He just had mental blocks he needed to work through, and you’d be there to support him.

Jason was about to give you one of his dorky responses until he realized he forgot the credit card in your car.

“Shoot, I forgot the card in the car. Where’re your keys?” He asked.

You handed them to him, and he gave you a quick kiss and a slap on the ass with a warning to not put anything back before rushing towards the entrance/exit of the store. Rolling your eyes, you moved down the aisle scoffing at his warning. Of course, he knew you were going to try and put some of the items back. Just like you knew him better than himself sometimes, it was the same for him with you. He could predict your next move before it popped into your head which you found very cute but extremely annoying at times.

While you stood there for a few moments scrolling on your phone out of boredom, you heard a voice speak up behind you.

“Excuse me.”

You turned around to see two guys around your age standing behind you. You figured they were trying to get to something behind you, so you moved yourself and your cart out of the way.

“Oh, my bad. Here ya go.”

“No, no! Not that. We were just wondering if you needed help getting your car or getting away from that guy. We saw him drag you in here.”

You barely held back the eye roll that was itching in your skull. Yes, Jason did somewhat have to drag you into the store since you insisted that you didn’t need to go grocery shopping. But, what happened to common sense? If Jason truly was holding you hostage or had bad intentions for you, why in the world would he bring you to a grocery store out of all places?!

Seriously, what were they thinking? That he was going to stick a Fruit-Loops box over your head and torture you with your most hated juice flavor?

A small sigh escaped your mouth before you responded to the boys, “Okay, this is not what it looks like. That guy is my boyfriend, and we’re just grocery shopping. I promise I’m fine.” You assured the guys.

“Are you sure? He isn’t forcing you to say any of this, right? I know that guy’s intimidating, but we can call security or the police to help you.”

Before you could respond, you both heard the sounds of quick footsteps approaching from around the corner. You turned to see him holding a plate with two large slices of pepperoni pizza and a large orange soda.

“Babe, I got you two slices of pizza and your favorite soda from the food court. I know you haven’t eaten today, so I figured you could snack on this, and then we can get you some chicken tenders and fries from your favorite restaurant after we leave here.” He offered while handing you the plate, looking at you with the most adoring gaze.

This boy really did have your whole heart. You could only wonder what you did to deserve someone like him.

When Jason took note of the two other guys standing by you looking dumbfounded, his arm instantly found its way around your waist, pulling you into his side while eyeing the two boys suspiciously and on guard. Anyone that wasn’t your parents, best friend, or his family, Jason saw as a potential threat. Even his family sometimes was included in that list a few times, and living in Gotham, you could never be too careful.

And any excuse for Jason to show you as his to anyone else watching was always an appreciated opportunity.

“Can I help you, fellas?” Jason said, a stern tone in his voice while eyeing the two down with every menacing look he could muster in his eyes.

You’ve never seen two guys who looked like they wanted to shit their pants so bad and run in the opposite direction. They started stuttering out a response before you took pity on them.

“They’re fine, Jay. They were just trying to grab some cereal behind me. I was just moving out of their way.” You threw a look toward the boys, who looked at you confused before they caught on to what you were trying to say.

“Y-Yeah m-man. Just ... um gra-grabbing some Frosted flakes.” One of the dudes said, pointing his fingers toward the boxes right behind you.

Jason eyed that finger with malice before he felt your fingers turning his face toward you.

“Hey, stop it. I’m good. Now, are you going to let them get their cereal and let me eat my pizza before it gets cold?”

A small smile crossed his face while he backed you both up moving the cart as well. You ruffled his hair watching the two boys grab a box and run down the aisle with their tails between their legs. He let out his usual whine, using his other arm to fix his hair.

“Shut up, you big baby. You promised me chicken tenders and fries, so get a move on before I get a food attitude.”

Jason smirked at your words before the hand around your waist moved to your butt, palming and squeezing your cheeks under the ‘hoochie’ shorts you were wearing.

“I know something better that’ll fill you up and take care of that attitude for you.” He whispered in your ear before giving a nip.

At least you weren’t in front of the salads when this was happening.

This wasn’t bad. It was actually funny, and you got a friend out of it.

You and Jason were at the gym, getting a workout in. You decided you both liked going in the afternoon when it was less busy. It was leg and glutes day for you (per usual) while Jason was working chest and shoulders.

Two of your favorite body parts on him, including his arms, but that’s not important.

Now, you both agreed when you went to the gym that you would do your workouts separately but your warm-ups and cardio together. So, at some point, Jason was on the Smith machine doing a shoulder bench press while you were on another bench doing Bulgarian split squats.

Of course, the gym was a place where people met each other all the time. And, in many of those meetings and interactions, people would find others attractive and want to date or hook up with them. You were no exception to these rules. You were approached many times by both girls and guys, but you always politely declined. Well, you tried at least before Jason walked over and made it clear who you were with.

It was no secret to anyone that Jason did not only get easily jealous at the thought of you giving your attention and time away to someone who was not him, but he was also the living definition of anger issues. Match that with his very selfish and possessive attitude towards you, and you had a man ready and WILLING to do just about anything to anyone who dared lay a finger on you in the wrong way.

So, whenever someone deemed themselves stupid brave enough to approach you and flirt a little or leave a teasing touch to one of your arms, you’d try to give them a warning but it was always too late. They’d quickly find a towering shadow looming over them and turned to see a less than pleased Jason staring down at them with his bulging arms crossed over his chest. These being one of the few moments Jason gladly showed off his scars because they communicated his message quickly and effectively.

Back. The. Fuck. Off.

That was usually enough to get them to do just that. Most of the time, at least.

There always ended up being at least one guy or girl who wouldn’t take no for an answer. This time, it was a guy who kept finding himself next to you during your sets. Jason was watching you from afar with hooded and irritated eyes as he also noticed your gym shadow moving around with you.

The guy decided to play smart and keep his hands off you since he could tell your brute of a boyfriend was watching his every move. The only reason he didn’t do anything was because he knew if he did, the guy could claim Jason as the aggressor, and since this was your favorite gym because your college’s gym was always crowded, he didn’t want to risk you getting in trouble and banned.

So, when Jason went to the bathroom, the creep took advantage of the moment and offered to ‘spot’ you on your set of squats with the smith machine, which you were sure was just an excuse for him to get behind you so he could ogle your ass and ‘accidentally’ grind his dirty crotch into it.

Luckily, a girl working out nearby noticed your uncomfortable stance when the man came over to ‘help’ you while you were setting up and immediately stopped her workout to shoo him away.

“Dude, he’s clearly not interested. So either go and finish your workout or pack up and get out!”

He tried to get defensive and argue with her, but when she revealed her boyfriend was one of the owners and threatened to have him kicked out and banned, he finally backed off. He made sure to point out how you weren’t even all the hot anyway to mask his hurt pride while you threw an appreciative look toward her.

When he left and Jason returned from the bathroom, the girl unleashed her rage on him as well.

“And you too! I’ve seen you harassing and stalking him all over the gym. I’ll kick your ass out too and have you banned if you don’t leave him alone.” She scolded the dark-haired man.

Jason looked confused while you just laughed before grabbing his arm and pulling him to you, “Nah, don’t worry about him. This one’s good.” You said, reaching up to ruffle his hair, even though you had to stretch a little bit.

Jason pouted down at you in childish anger, “I told you don’t do that! Do you know how long it takes to get this in the right floppy position?” He whined while trying to fix his hair.

She looked back and forth between you two before realization dawned upon her.

“Boyfriend who’s a menace to everyone but is a total baby when around you?”

You gasped, “Girl, how’d you know?”

“Mine’s the exact same.”

“Oh, we’re gonna be great friends.” You declared.

Okay, this time, it was lowkey your fault, but still. People should be able to tell the difference between an actual cry for help and a joke.

Jason decided to take you to one of his favorite cafes in Gotham since you were in desperate need of a study break. You picked up some classes over the summer, so the schedule was much more tightly packed since they had to speed up a four-month course into two with the semester being divided into two sections.

Jason was sitting on one of the lounge chairs reading while you were sipping on some apple juice and reading a fanfic story on your phone. Whether or not it was smut was not important and nobody would be able to tell by the look on your face. At least until you read over one particular part that had you gasping out loud which managed to catch your boyfriend’s attention.

“What?”

“Nothing.” You quickly said, liking the fic quickly and closing the browser, knowing Jason was not going to drop it.

“Uh uh, Bugs. What were you looking at?” He asked, setting his book on the table and moving over to your side of the table.

“Nothing Jay! I promise it was nothing.”

“Oh really? So you wouldn’t mind if I looked at your phone then?”

You felt your cheeks heat up while Jason took notice of your tense stance, peering at you and your phone while slowly leaning toward you from his crouched stance.

“Let me see your phone.”

“No.”

“Give me your phone.”

“I said no.”

“Bugs,” Jason said, now mocking a stern look on his face, “Give. Me. Your. Phone.”

He held out his hand for emphasis, and you felt your fingers reflexively tighten around your smart device. You stared back at him with your own dour expression, “No. Means. No.”

You both stared into each other’s eyes for a moment before he suddenly grabbed at your phone, attempting to snatch it from your hand. It became a tug-of-war over the device while you both consciously tried not to be too much of a disturbance to the other patrons of the cafe.

This is where it accidentally was your fault.

“Help! Assault! Violence! Thief!”

You thought you were shouting it quietly, but there was a reason your family always told you to quiet down when you thought you were speaking at a normal volume. You got it from your mother really. Strong voices and all…

“Dude, fucking back off!”

You both heard the deep voice shout before you watched a guy tackle Jason to the ground, feeling hands coming to your side.

“Oh my god, are you okay?!” This random brunette said while checking you over to make sure you weren’t hurt.

You were FINE. However, you were worried as hell now. Not for Jason at all, cause… Well, ya know.

You were scared for the other guy that had tackled Jason. Your boyfriend did NOT do well with physical touch, considering how long it took him to get comfortable with just cuddling with you. Let alone sudden physical touch? And the man is used to fighting criminals at night and having to be on guard 24/7 if he feels something suddenly grab or touch him? Yeah, you were hoping this didn’t end in a trip to the precinct like last time.

Don’t ask.

“I’m fine. But, I do suggest you quickly get your friend off my boyfriend before he has to go to the hospital.” You assured the girl while warning her at the same time.

She looked at you confused, “Boyfriend? Wait, huh? We thought that guy was attacking you and trying to steal your phone. And don’t worry, my boyfriend’s a professional kickboxer. He can handle him.”

‘Yeah. Mine has anger issues and was trained by Batman and can re-load two guns in under twenty seconds with his arms tied behind his back.’

“AH!”

You both turned your heads to see Jason holding the other guy in a chokehold while looking up at you.

“Aww, man! He spilled my coffee over my book.” Jason whined, “Babe, can you get me another one, please?”

“Yes, Jason. Can you do me a favor and let him go before you break his neck?”

Jason rolled his eyes before releasing the guy, who went into a coughing fit on the ground as he caught his breath.

When he sat back at the table as the girl went to help her boyfriend off the floor after giving you both weird looks, he set your phone on the surface, eyeing you with a quizzical look.

“What?” You asked after he stared at you for a few more minutes.

“Really? Yandere?”

Your heart jumped in your chest, and you were ready to bolt for the door.

“So, all those times you swore you weren’t trying to make me jealous just to get a reaction outta me, were you actually just trying to get me to tie you up and lock you in my room?” He said with a dark look in his eyes and a cheeky smirk on his lips.

HOT BOY DOWN! I REPEAT, HOT BOY DOWN!

Now, this was just ridiculous. Of course, it made sense, but you were thoroughly pissed off when it happened.

You and Jason had returned to his apartment after having dinner with his family at Wayne Manor. Bruce decided he wanted to have at least one family dinner a month, and since you were considered an honorary Wayne and everyone loved you, of course, you were invited. Jason, on the other hand, was still hesitant.

Even though he was working on his relationship with Bruce and trying to move past his mental scars, his family still brought up some sensitive subjects for him. Typically, they made his insecurities flare up a lot more. You were Jason’s safe space. So, he wasn’t really keen on mixing the things that made him question himself and the person who made him feel the most loved and secure together.

You didn’t push, still wanting to go at his pace and let him bring you around more when he was ready. The day of the dinner, you figured he either had a change of heart or somebody had talked to Jason and convinced him to bring you along, and you had a great time. Jason was a bit quiet throughout the evening, but you could see a small part of him was happy at seeing how you integrated well into his family dynamic. He took great pleasure in how you humbled Dick a few times as well.

But, something was off, but you couldn’t tell what it was. You knew Jason was usually the quieter one out of the rest of his siblings. When you were around, he showed more of his goofiness and playful side. You barely saw that at all tonight. You knew he was watching you as you made conversation with Bruce, argued back and forth with Damian, repeatedly told Tim he needed to get more sleep, snapped photos with Steph, joked with Duke, and even learned a little sign language from Cass.

He watched as you offered to help Alfred with the dishes, who respectfully declined, but did make his appreciation known to you and the others, especially Tim.

“I offer to help you sometimes, Alfred!” Tim shouted while chasing after the butler offering his help.

Usually, Jason would laugh at any moment that came at the expense of Tim’s sanity.

None of that happened.

So, when you got back to his place, you asked him what was wrong. He remained silent as he just looked at you, but you could see there was a storm behind his eyes. When you came up to rub his arm and hug him, his hands shot up to your neck, wrapping around it firmly but not tight to where you couldn’t breathe.

Your hands grabbed his wrists as he maneuvered you against the wall that connected the living room to the kitchen. He placed his lips roughly on yours, forcing his tongue into your mouth while never loosening his hold on your neck.

“Mine. Not theirs, mine.” He muttered against your lips before quickly taking his hands off your neck, ripping your clothes off while ridding himself of his.

In less than two minutes, Jason had you pressed back against the wall, your legs wrapped around his waist, and his long and girthy member tucked deep inside your ass, fucking you with hard and menacing thrusts. His large and rough hands were back around your neck, now squeezing around your neck as you moaned breathlessly against him.

Jason took immense pride in your sounds of satisfaction and whining, increasing his already brutal pace in your guts while slowly stealing more of your breath away. Jason’s hard breaths pounded against your face as he stared at your now sweaty and ragged body, limping weakly against him. You placed your arms on his shoulder but were careful to avoid his neck, knowing that along with some other areas on his body were off-limits unless specified otherwise.

This was the dynamic between you two always. Anyone could see how Jason was wrapped around your finger in public and even in private whenever you two were just lounging around and relaxing. In these moments, you were fully under Jason’s authority. You lay completely at his mercy while he dominated your body and controlled where, when, and how you got pleasured.

The who rarely came into question as though your boyfriend had considered it a few times, you didn’t see a day likely where Jason’s jealousy and possessiveness would let him allow someone else to see you in this manner. No, you were for his eyes only.

And the why, well that was simple. Jason had needs, you had needs. And, no one was better suited to fulfill those needs than your boyfriend. Though with him, anything could spark those needs at any given time. Whether the dark-haired boy was just feeling horny and wanted some ass. You decided to wear a tempting outfit, and he decided he was going to right then and there he would have you, whether in the house, in the car, or in public, it didn’t matter. If he felt you were being a little too friendly with someone else, he’d be happy to remind you about who you belonged to. The why was simple; if Jason wanted you, he would have you. No ifs, and’s, or but’s about it.

“J-Jason... nngh p-please-” You begged, feeling yourself nearing the edge as your dick was crushed between Jason and your hot and sweaty abdomens.

“Say my name again,” He ordered, feeling how he flexed his dick inside you while still pounding your sore hole.

His name fell from your lips in a needy moan as you felt his fingers pressing against your windpipes. You could feel how the wall behind you became slick from your sweat as your body jutted up and down against it with Jason’s increasingly erratic thrusts.

He grunted in approval of your increasingly loud whines as you both approached your climaxes. Jason fully squeezed your neck at this point as he punched your insides with his cock. Your own member was feeling the pressures as well as it repeatedly smashed against Jason’s abs before you reached your end, screaming out in blissful agony.

Jason came to his finish with his own groan as you felt him bury himself with his cum deep inside you. You let out soft little whines feeling his appendage throb against your walls. Even though you knew he didn’t like hands around his neck, he didn’t object to you rubbing a hand down his nape. He gave you a warning glance at first, but when he felt your soft hands rubbing up and down his skin, he visibly relaxed, placing a kiss on your cheek.

The quiet and sweet moment though was abruptly ruined by the sound of Jason’s front door being kicked in and heavy boots rushing into his apartment.

“GOTHAM P.D.!” You heard the intruders shout.

Of all the fucking things…

Well, when the cops came around and found you and your naked boyfriend against the wall, and his hands around your neck, you had to admit it didn’t look good.

You had to quickly explain to the officers it wasn’t what it looked like and that everything was consensual. Against the orders of the cops, Jason did not move one inch off the wall, keeping your body covered with his. He’d sooner dip himself in another Lazarus Pit than let these arrogant blue caps have even the smallest peek at you.

So, with a little charm and finesse, you convinced the cops to walk out and let you and him get dressed. Jason couldn’t decide what he was more upset about.

The fact that his door was off its hinges, or that one of his neighbors called the cops on him thinking Jason had been abusing you, or that your private moment was intruded upon and some pervy cops basically saw you naked.

Yeah, he was going to be extra brutal on patrol tonight.

After a call was made to Commonionser Gordon at Jason’s request, the cops dropped everything and left you two alone when Gordon made it clear this was a bogus call. “Jason? Abusing Y/N? That boy is the biggest simp this city’s ever seen. Whoever called that in was obviously misinformed.”

Even if it was true, Jason didn’t appreciate being called a simp. He didn’t deny it, though.

You could barely hold back your laughs to which your boyfriend responded with a harsh smack to your very sore ass. It was a wonder how you were even standing on your legs as they still felt like jelly.

“I’m sorry, but I just can’t see him in that manner.”

“No way, he’s way too sweet and innocent to be like that.”

“Dude, have you met your own boyfriend?”

These were all things said to Jason when he would complain to them about how he was tired of everyone thinking he was a threat to you and not seeing the truth. If anything, you were more of a threat to Jason and honestly, should be placed on a national security watch list for some of the things that have come out of your mouth.

The only one who really knew and understood what Jason was talking about was your best friend, who was the first one to warn Jason. The boy didn’t believe him either at first and ended up finding out the hard way.

Well, it looked like Jason’s brothers were also about to find out as they had come to your school’s campus looking for him. You were happy to see the Wayne siblings, as some time had passed since the last dinner. For some reason, seeing how easily you interacted with his brothers drove up Jason’s jealousy to a new level. As soon as they showed up, Jason placed you on his lap, and you could feel his prominent bulge throbbing under you. You knew immediately you were in for it when you both got home.

When you got up to go to the bathroom, Jason was going to follow you, intending to give you a little preview of what to expect in the stalls, but was stopped by Dick, who said they had something important they needed to talk to him about.

Before that could happen, a new presence appeared at your table, and your best friend visibly and audibly groaned at who it was.

“Hi there.” Jason heard a sickly sweet voice say, turning to see another boy he’d heard of.

“Xavion.” Jason heard your best friend mutter under his breath.

He knew that name. He’d heard you curse it and mutter it in irritation and anger plenty of times. He purposefully went out of his way to piss you off and pick with you on multiple occasions. He also thought that because his dads were rich and gave him everything he wanted, he was entitled to anything and everything, including other people’s significant others.

No one knew what started the rivalry between you two, but they knew it got cemented when he had sex with your first college boyfriend while you guys were dating and then went on to sleep with any guy you had the slightest attraction to.

So, Jason would be no different when he placed himself a little too close for the dark-haired boy’s liking, trying to maneuver himself away.

“I’ve seen you around on campus before. Are you a student here?”

“Xavion, don’t you have someone else to harass and stalk?” Your best friend commented with an irritated eye roll.

The boy in question only threw a dirty glance at your comrade before turning back to your boyfriend, taking considerable delight in looking him up and down, “Damn, aren’t you a big boy. You’re Y/N’s boyfriend, right? Gotten bored yet?”

Everyone tensed at that, watching how Xavion only got bolder in his flirting, “I’d understand if you did. Y/N’s just not that interesting, and honestly, a little ran through. I’d be happy to show you other options though,” He voiced with a suggestive tone.

Dick, Tim, and Damian watched with slightly nervous eyes as the promiscuous boy moved his hand that was caressing Jason’s arm and placed it around his neck, waiting for the ball to drop as the second Wayne kid's hands began to twitch on the table.

Before anyone could move to stop it, they saw Xavion get literally yanked off of Jason and onto the ground. Your boyfriend and his siblings along with your best friend who began to cheer your name watched as you dragged the slut onto the ground by the back of his shirt and proceeded to WHALE on him.

No one had noticed you coming back from the bathroom, too busy watching Xavion rub his hands all over your boyfriend. When you got closer and saw what was happening, you immediately saw red and picked up your pace, only to dash into a mad sprint when you saw his hand touch Jason’s neck.

Jason after breaking out of his stunned trance immediately ran over to pull you off the screaming boy who was crying for help. Dick and Tim ran over to pull Xavion out of your grasp, just barely managing to save him from what would have been a devastating kick from your boot to his face.

“Touch my boyfriend again and see what happens bitch!” You shouted out at the boy. Luckily, you were in a secluded part of campus, so no one had seen the fight. But, when Xavion had gotten off the ground looking thoroughly fucked up, he tried to run up on you, seeing Jason holding you back and thinking he had an open shot.

Little did he or Jason expect, you used your smaller stature to slip out of Jason’s hold and rushed the boy before kicking your leg up and landing that hit that was taken from you earlier. You took sick satisfaction hearing and feeling the crunch under your foot as it connected with his nose.

Dick, Tim, and Damian watched in complete shock seeing you beat the shit out of this boy. Now, they could really see why you and Jason were such a good match for each other.

When Jason got you back in his arms, he made sure to hold on a little tighter to you so you couldn’t slip away again. Dick and Tim had to help the sobbing boy cradling his broken nose, saying they would take him to the emergency room.

Jason pulled you both back towards the table, sitting you down on his lap as he held your hands down. He could not help how hard he was under you and didn’t care to hide it. Watching that display had him a different level of horny and he frankly couldn’t wait to take you home.

After a few moments passed and you settled down, everyone looked up to the sound of a throat clearing.

“Todd, I don’t know if I ever told you this before,” Damian started, looking at you both with his usual judgemental stare, “...Good job.” He said with a nod toward you.

You were both surprised, Jason especially, as neither of you had ever heard the youngest Robin give out a compliment.

“If you screw this up somehow, which I have little doubt that you’ll find a way, I will not hesitate to end you.”

There was the Damian you both knew.

“I second that motion,” Your best friend added to which you just laughed.

“Shut it, gremlin.” Jason retorted before squeezing you against his body.

“Don’t worry, Damian. I don’t think Jason will do anything to screw this up. Besides, if he does do something stupid, he’ll have me to worry about.” You said, a mischievous twinkle in your eye.

You heard Jason growl lowly against you before grinding you into his lap, letting you feel his hardness poking you through your shorts. You popped his arm to which he responded with a pinch on your ass, your best friend watching in disgusted amusement.

“You two make me sick.”

“Back at you, ugly.” You responded.

Damian turned his head, looking in the direction where Dick and Tim took Xavion to an ER room, “I despise harlots.”

“OH! Speaking of which, thank you, Damian, for reminding me.” You said before leaning over Jason to grab your bag and pull out your laptop.

“What are you doing?” Your boyfriend asked.

“Insurance. I knew the day would come when that hoe went too far. So just in case he decides to go to the university about this little spat, I’m emailing a detailed description of how everything went down, along with photos and evidence of his affairs with various teachers and staff. To them, it will look like Xavion attacked me out of retaliation because he thought I would snitch on him about his sexual misconduct. Now, tell me, babe, did you feel physically violated?” You asked while making various edits to your already drafted email.

“Huh?” Jason replied confused.

“Just say yes.” Your best friend told him with a smirk.

“Um, yes? I think…”

“Perfect! Putting that down for the record, so, if that slut decides to try to get me in trouble, I can show I had completely justifiable reasons to hand him his ass on a concrete platter.” You stated a little too cheerily to be considered not disturbing.

Your best friend was not surprised by this at all, while Damian and Jason looked at you like you had two heads.

“Isn’t the expression ‘silver platter?’” Damian pointed out.

“Yeah, but I dragged his ass up and down on concrete, so it’s a concrete platter today.”

You looked up to see the two Robins staring at you.

“What? Bitches fucked around, so bitches found out. Don’t blame me.” You said while continuing to type.

“I fucking love you,” Jason said while biting at your ear lobe, making you laugh.

Damian could only scoff as he watched you two.

“And people swear Todd’s the threat.”

☀️ | Jason Todd/Red Hood | ☀️

☀️ | Masterlists | ☀️

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astrobydalia · 7 months

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🍂Cozy observations 🎃

Itssss fall you guys!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰 It’s actually super hot still where I live but that won’t stop me from living my cozy era. Anyways, I want to avoid collecting posts on my drafts for centuries so here’s more general observations!

work by astrobydalia

🍂Aquarius placements are simultaneously the most understanding and empathetic people ever and the biggest assholes out there. I don't know how they pull that contradiction off but it's true (I mean this in the best way possible btw)

Moreover, I’ve noticed Aquarius placements are way more appreciative of kindness and social harmony than Libra tbh. Libra's desire for harmony can be just for the sake of keeping appearances but they are actually very judgmental. Aquarius on the other hand tend to appreciate authenticity and have a “live and let live” philosophy where they accept people unconditionally that’s why they attract popularity. Underdeveloped Aquarius tho do have a tendency to break social harmony due to pick-me behavior

🍂 Cardinal moons are serial daters. I swear every person I’ve met who had a rather active love life or were always crushing on someone was more often than on Cardinal moon

Also, Cardinal moons are always very dominant people even when don’t intend to be. They have a very summoning aura/personality that just demands engagement. They also tend to be social butterflies, even when they’re introverted they always end up surrounded by people somehow

🍂 I like to think Pisces is the final movie while Virgo is all the behind the scenes and editing

🍂I've seen this endless times where people with Mars in Libra or 7th house always end up either in law or business (mostly creating their own business, freelancers, entrepreneurs, etc)

🍂Any Venusian influence on the MC/10th house/6th house indicates a career or job where you’re required to dress up and appear very put together, having a certain aesthetic can be important in your career

🍂Saturn square or opposite MC/10th house ruler indicates the native was forced into a career they never chose/wanted in the first place or they had to wait a long time to finally have the opportunity to pursue their ideal career OR the path towards the career they chose could have been harder/more unfulfilling than they expected

🍂 I also like to think Taurus stops to smell the flowers and creates a flower bed for herself. Virgo studies the flowers and learns all about photosynthesis and shit. Capricorn creates a flower business and monopolizes the flower market

🍂 Those with Mars influence on their moon (Moon-Mars aspects, Aries/Scorpio moon) are really good at throwing shade but they’re unable to take it themselves. They don’t like to feel called out.

🍂 Mars in the 12th house people will 👏🏼hold 👏🏼 grudges 👏🏼

🍂 To be quite honest with you, every single Virgo sun I’ve met had a very standoffish personality.

🍂 Saturn retrograde individuals raised themselves. That’s why this placement is known to have issues with authority and discipline because their parents didn’t really parent them at all, so they had to set their own boundaries, rules and systems to navigate life. Getting their life together and materializing their ambitions could take extra effort for them

🍂 I usually like Capricorn Moons cause I always find that they are very loyal to everyone (friends, family, partner, etc) but honestly they are not as emotionally mature as you might think. They have a really hard time moving on from the past to the point where they can stay stuck in their wounded child self and spend a big chunk of their lives trying to overcompensate this with work, productivity and success. Tendency to depression, low emotional intelligence and being emotionally stunted. Deep down they feel like the victim of their own story

🍂 Aquarius sun+Scorpio moon: I’ve met quite a few people with this combo and with all of them I’ve noticed they always have a cult leader kinda mentality towards their friendships and connections (might apply to Aquarius+Scorpio combos in general). You’re either with them or against them. If you're not a follower they’ll hit you with the "cool kids table" attitude

🍂 My mom has Mercury in the 4th house and she once said "I don't mind moving abroad but I can't live in a place where people don't speak my native language. I need to hear my native language"

🍂 When it’s said that Venus in the 1st house people know how to make themselves look good it doesn’t mean just physically. The know how to present themselves as a more virtuous person than they actually are...

🍂Mutable risings, Mars in a mutable sign/house: their motto is “work smarter not harder”. Their first instinct will always be to find a way around challenges and difficulties. They usually aren’t the most action oriented people, but they are cunning. Their way to success is basically beating the system to make things easier for themselves.

🍂I can easily recognize Taurus Sun because they always ooze BDE. Also they always tend to have very rugged and bold physique/features

🍂From what I've seen Gemini Venus is a placement that easily makes someone stereotypically extroverted. Golden retriever energy

🍂Has anyone else noticed that succedent houses (aka fixed houses) are all related to money and wealth in some way?

2nd house: your resources, what spend your money on 5th house: gamble 8th house: shared resources, investments and debt 11th house: production of wealth

🍂All Gemini and Cancer risings I’ve met had some sort of hypersensitivity to stimuli. Gemini rising is more mental; anxiety, overthinking, information overload, etc they easily get triggered by immediate stimuli, specially noise around them. For Cancer risings this manifests more in the senses (photosensitivity, very sensitive to smells, flavors, etc) and heightened intuition just like Spiderman with spider-sense

🍂I’m sorry but why are Cancer Mercuries so elusive in their communication??? Everything they say has this "well, maybe. I don't know" or "I guess" undertone to it, they never openly say what they really mean. They are good listeners tho

🍂Underdeveloped Taurus placements feel entitled to use and dispose of people to benefit themselves. Tend to be very selfish and stingy. They do something for you they'll hang it over your head forever and act like they have ownership over you. You do something for them, they owe you nothing.

🍂Pisces Moons grew up in their own little bubble. It's very likely they missed out on 'normal' mundane experiences and this makes them feel very separated from the rest of the world and the rest of the people which is why they often come off as clueless and disconnected. They often give off the impression they've been living under a rock or a parallel universe. A perfect example of this is when Kim Kardashian said she's never been to a grocery store💀

Every single Pisces moon I’ve met never ever wanted to have kids and if they do have them they tend to not be too present in their kids’ lives. The harsh truth is pisces moons are not reliable, generally they are the ones who want to be saved and cared for

🍂I've noticed earth Venus and Venus-Saturn aspects are a little bit too good at showing contempt. To some degree they always remind me of Disgust from the Inside Out movie 😂

🍂 When I see Moon-Saturn conjunction in a chart I flinch a little tbh cause idk what’s worse the fact that their mothers couldn’t be bothered to give the native any sort of emotional comfort or the fact that these natives have normalized conditional love as the only kind of love possible. I've also noticed they grew up with strong authoritarian values and were never allowed to question hierarchies or status

Also, natives with Moon-Saturn conjunction are extremely shady people if you ask me. It's true they are insanely observant but what people don't seem to notice is that they are observant in a Joe Goldberg or Light Yagami kind of way without the murder They do be having inner monologues like that. They come across as calm, intelligent, respectful and trusted. Can use emotional expression (theirs and others') in strategic ways to influence others. Big tendency towards materialistic, utilitarian and/or elitist mindset too. I can't quite put my finger on it but I've met a lot of people with this aspect and the deeper I dig the more I keep feeling something very dark and/or disingenuous about them

🍂Venus square Neptune people and their lack of self-respect… 🙁

🍂Aquarius Moons always give off the impression of having a rather lazy or passive personality. I'm not talking about their productivity but the fact that they seem to always have a "meh" attitude towards everything to the point where they can feel a bit disconnected similar to pisces moon

🍂Virgo risings often have freelance jobs due to Aquarius ruling their 6th house

🍂People with Industria rx (389) may actually dislike their work environment even if they like their job. I’ve noticed they often find the industry they work in to be toxic, depleting or too demanding

🍂Enterprise rx (9777) might always feel unsatisfied with their position, they might be the type to always want more and more

🍂 Aries Moon women and always attracting very immature and selfish men omg I've seen this time and time again

🍂 Scorpio moon/Moon 8th house is an underrated wealth indicator imo. I've noticed they always have a "from rags to riches" kinda life story. They however often face issues with fraud or debt along the way cause they have a tendency to take huge financial risks

🍂 you ever heard about the crabs in a bucket phenomenon? Well Ive actually observed underdeveloped 4th house placements do tend to have this kind of clingy and envious behavior particularly towards people that are really close to them. You can also experience this with people you have 4th house Synastry with; you get too attached to the comfort zone they provide to the point where they stifle your growth

🍂Pisces placements 🤝 falling for people who are bluntly abusive, controlling and narcissistic. They want to believe they’re living a beauty and the beast love story when in reality they’re trauma bonding

🍂Libra/Taurus Mars people ARE problematic and petty as fuck, they’re just good at the social game and making it look like they didn't do anything. Underdeveloped Venus energy is the opposite of peaceful, it gives major mean girl vibes and Mars being debilitated in these signs easily brings out this hostile side of Venus. The type to passively instigate drama just to make themselves look better. Very hypocritical

🍂What natives with Saturn in Taurus will consider first when choosing a career is make sure that it is well payed and gives them financial status. Other factors come second

🍂Fixed+cardinal combo in the luminaries is hands down the best sun-moon combo I've seen tbh (specially fixed sun+cardinal moon), they're a force to be reckoned with. Very charismatic, outspoken and confident people with healthy ego if developed. Most people I've met with this combo were very extroverted and/or excellent leaders

🍂Sagittarius placements 🤝 this pose 😜✌🏼

🍂Libra/7th house Lilith have a tendency to judge a book by its cover all the time

🍂I've noticed Pisces MC/10th house natives aren't very ambitious. They seem to not really care about things like self-development or being on top. From what I've seen they mostly aspire to have a pleasant and glamurous life that frees them form real life mundane worries and could desire to retire as early as possible. In some cases I've seen they could want a "princess" kinda lifestyle where they literally have no responsibilities. They want a career that liberates them from any pressure of achieving material expectations and allows them to just go brain dead all the time following a higher power/inspiration/knowledge. That's why many artists have this placements and I've also seen cases of Pisces MC people who wanted to be nuns and nurses. I've noticed that when they genuinely don't care about recieving recognition or achievements but rather do things bc it aligns with their soul that's when they become successful

🍂Scorpio placements have a tendency to be very cynical I've noticed, specially mercury and mars

🍂Gemini/3rd house Lilith can spot lies from miles away and will not be sacred to call it out

🍂As per my observation the water sign that gets idolized the most is not Pisces but Cancer 100%. Yes Pisces does get idolized but I’ve noticed that’s actually very short-lived, people tend to switch up on them SO fast cause they project a deeply unrealistic image on them and eventually fall off the pedestal. Cancer placements on the other hand are not infantized like Pisces, they are consistently very sought after people I’ve observed. They always come across as emotionally reliable even when they’re not, people always go soft for them while simultaneously respecting them so they’re always seen as perfect,kind,charming,etc. Their personality naturally portrays an energy of unconditional love and understanding so people easily get obsessed and addicted to them

🍂I always find that Pisces Venus natives have a very whimsical and juvenile personality. They also have a very extravagant taste they may like anything with bright colors, glittery shiny stuff, squishy toys, etc. they have a tendency to be a bit tacky and corny I’ve noticed

🍂Every fixed moon I've seen avoided any sort of emotional rehabilitation like the plague unless it’s strictly necessary. They believe no one can begin to understand them better than themselves and they got it all figured out already. Now this is more my opinion but I feel like they low-key underestimate the amount of healing they actually need to do cause they really struggle taking emotional accountability. They have a tendency to act like their needs and feelings justify everything so there's not much to "fix" or heal

🍂People who have at least 2 out of their big 3 in cardinal signs are often seen as the golden girl/boy

🍂Capricorn/Virgo moons will be literally the best at what they do and make it seem so effortless. If you ask them how they got so successful they'll be like "idk I guess I just practiced a lot"

🍂I’ve noticed your 8th house sign(s) represent themes that people are consistently using against you as the fastest way to tear you down, so you always end up feeling powerless here at some point. That’s why you tend to resent this energy and have toxic dynamics with people who have their planets here. This house is literally the death of you (8th from 1st), but it can also be the source of your empowerment once you claim this energy so it's best that you keep this house to yourself as much as possible. Some examples:

Gemini 8th house: using what you say against you. you could have a hard time with people believing your words, what you say is always scandalous and/or rubs people the wrong way. Gossip or information that makes you look bad. People always think you’re lying or deceiving or have ulterior motives Cancer 8th house: you could struggle with getting sympathy and emotional support from people. Others think you’re just being vulnerable and complaining for clout. Any display of emotion or care will be seen as manipulative. People trying to break or ruin your relationship with your family or closed ones Capricorn 8th house: you struggle with people respecting you, others don't take you seriously and don't see you as a valid authority. Any attempt to make yourself respected will be seen as dictatorial or elitist behavior, any desire to succeed will be seen as you being power hungry. People try to dismiss or belittle your achievements

work by astrobydalia

#astrology #astro #astro observations #astro notes #zodiac #birth chart #astrobydalia

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iwendix · 1 month

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WE'RE TIED,

WE'RE BOUNDED

request: "nsfw where we are the bride by obligation of harin and since suji arrived it caught our attention so when suji wants to recruit us to finish the pyramid game one thing leads to another or something like that". | me: well, something like that. maybe I went a little overboard with the size of the sfw part, but I hope you'll still like it!! it's actually my first time writing to request, so I'll try to be get more skilled in the future🫶🏻 |

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: not proofreaded(probably misspellings, etc), smut with a plot. harin being kinda manipulative. possessive!harin, mentioning of harin's abandonment issues. fingering, rough sex, harin being mad, harin swearing, dom!harin, sub!reader, guilt bringing, guilty!reader, fingering, edging, arranged marriege(mentioned like soon to be thing), harin called reader a bitch a couple of times. y/n using, harin teasingly call reader wife/wifey.

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀: reader and harin have been connected since their childhood, this is something normal for the children of businessmen and you are both used to it. “You'll get married and our companies will unite, it'll be beneficial!” — that's what you always heard from your parents. though, you liked harin, really and sincerely. but when suji appeared out of nowhere with this idea of her's about destroying harin's game, you saw it as an opportunity. a mistake. you shouldn't have allowed yourself to be blinded by false hope.

you, dayeon and doah — victims of circumstances and as doah once said: “victims of your parents’ ambitions and hunger for success in business". to some extent this was true, because from the moment you were children you had to constantly spend time with harin and each other. no one cared whether you wanted it or not, the main thing was that your parents wanted it that way. doah was never delighted with this situation, but she also never resented it too much, especially openly. she is too rational to be angry about something that she can't change or control. but dayeon is a completely different matter... emotional, hot tempered and in general have absolutely no tolerance to everything that annoyed her. you and doah offen “ground” her so that she doesn’t do or say anything to harin out of emotion that would lead her to being beaten by her father. seems that in your so called friend group you were the most positive about this whole situation. of course, sometimes it made you feel depressed, like you didn't even exist as a person at all, like you only existed as just an appendage to harin. or at least, this is how your father and mother treated you. anyway, you never blamed harin for this, on the contrary, as kids you two got along very well and one even can say that you became attached to harin. maybe this is one of the reasons why you're so resigned to the fact that in the future you'll be obliged to marry her. everything went as usual: harin enjoyed her game, you sometimes spent time together and, as always, she didn't understand od felt the fact that your feelings for her were sincere, genuine and real, hat you really liked her and wasn't around only because your parents told you to be.. well, or maybe she just pretended to don't understand.

your almost calm and already familiar life has changed with the arrival of a new girl. this new girl — son suji, from the very beginning seemed somehow unusual, there was something in her that wasn't in jaeun and other students. it was something decisive, something that screamed about thw problems she can cause. when you find out about her desire to deal with the game, your first thought and instinct was to tell harin as fast as possible.i mean, she loves the game so much!... she loves this game, she finds peace in it, even though, game is leading to violence mostly. It was a difficult choice: let the game be and let harin be happy or join suji and destroy the game, but harin will be devastated. you were thinking about whether you should tell harin about suji's plan but in the end you were able to pull yourself together and keep quiet. you wanted to see harin happy, you really did, and although the game made her happy, it also destroyed her to the same extent. continuing the pyramid game harin only drowned out her pain and put it in the far corner, hiding it so deep that no one could ever reach it. but in fact, this is still the same harin, the same traumatized little girl who can't forgive people for what they did to her. you thought that if the game will end harin would have to face reality, sharply and openly, without all her so painstakingly built protective walls. it would be difficult, but you would be there for her, so it won't be that bad, right?

you tried to be careful, tried not to be suspicious and too obvious but harin is too smart and attentive not to notice your strange behavior and that you suddenly began to spend time with suji and her company. she was watching what was going on with you, she wanted to make sure exactly what you were doing, cuz accusing you of something that you were not involved in would be stupid.

one day harin called you to the principal's office. of course, even the principal herself was not there as often as harin, you, dayeon and doa were there but still. you thought that this was an ordinary meeting of your “group of friends” and when you entered the room you expected to see all three, but to your surprise only harin was here. she was sitting on the headmistress's desk, her legs crossed, and her head tilted to the side, thoughtfully. her fingers hold the cigarette, her lips wrap around the filter and she takes a puff, after a few seconds releasing a stream of smoke, making you wrinkle your nose a little from the smell of nicotine that filled the room. harin's attention switched to you when she heard the door have been opened. she looks at you up and down, as if sizing you, got up from the table and walked to the door. her shoulder brushed against yours, the door is closer. it bothered you a little but you didn't pay too much attention to it. Kharin walked again to the headmistress’s desk, leaned her elbows on it and called you closer. her eyes glare into yours and she shakes off the ashes directly onto the floor and speaks.

"how are you doing lately, wifey?" she says it indifferently, but you can't help but frown a little at her words. did she really just called you "wifey"?... this is a teasing nickname that dayeon and wooyi gave you when they first heard that yours and harin's parents were planning to get you two married. you sighed and just nodded, meaning that you're fine. harin raises an eyebrow at this and takes another drag on the cigarette, her plump, pink lips wrapped around cigarette... focus. you need to focus.

"everything's alright, you say? hm. then tell me, am I blind?"

you confused by her question but shake your head.

"then maybe I'm deaf?"

you shake your head again.

"mhm... do you think I'm stupid then?"

you're even more confused now. "no, of course i don't think so. what are you talking about, harin-ah?..."

harin takes one last drag on her cigarette before throwing it on the floor, stepping on it with the tip of her lacquered shoe and trampling cigarette. her hands rise to the collar of your shirt, first gently touching it, as if simply straightening it, and then she sharply tugs on it, pulling you towards herseld, causing you to stagger, almost falling and yelp, grabbing her shoulder to maintain your balance.

"then why do you think that I don't know what suji is planning? why do you think that I don’t know that you’re involved?" harin clicks her tongue, her hand comes up to your chin, at first just lifting it, forcing you to look into her eyes, and then squeezing it a little. "you know, I trusted you. yes, a little, but it's still more than my trust to others."

you open your mouth to speak, to explain that you didn’t do and didn’t want anything bad for her, but you are interrupted when harin squeezes your chin painfully and interrupts you. "shut up."

you fall silent, just bite the inside of your cheek, trying to distract yourself from the pain in your chin and harin's piercing gaze that digs right into your eyes.

"you know, our parents have been planning our wedding since childhood. uou never had a say in this, did you? mm, but by the way, I was kinda the initiator of this. I once said as a child that I wanted to marry you, and my grandma really took it seriously because it’s good for business. I've always thought that you're a little... more reasonable than dayeon, doa and others, that's why I chose you. i thought all this have some sense and meaning to you too. seems, I was wrong." Harin's grip on your chin weakens and her hand trails to your cheek, stroking it gently. In different situation, you would have been glad of such an affection from her, but now it felt like something empty.

"you wanted to destroy the game, right? destroy the only thing I value? and how can you do this to me, y/n? conscience doesn't gnaw you at all?"

with every word she says, you begin to feel guilt it gathers drop by drop, turning into a whole damn ocean which will overflow its shores if harin continued just a little bit longer and push just a little harder.

"silent? well, of course, of course... maybe that's why your parents don't really care about you." she shrugs as if it was the most normal thing to say. you know that when harin upset she is far from nice, so you're not surprised when she said something like that. besides, you always knew that your parents didn’t really care about you... but still, you’d be lying if you said that it didn’t upset you.

"I'm disappointed." she added, and yeah, you can see it, disappointment etched in her eyes and you can see that she is stressed too. considering her abandonment issues, the fact that you were interested in suji's plan must have hit harin harder than she lets on. suddenly harin grabs your hips and with a sharp movement turns you around, lifting you up and placing you on the principal's desk, almost pinning you to it. her fingers they found a way to the collar of your shirt, simply tearing off the top button, revealing a view of your neck. the tip of the nose touches your neck, and the tongue smoothly traces a line along your vein. she is so close that you can smell her perfume: delicate, sweet, and an admixture of such a sharp aroma of tobacco. this combination of different aroma is already familia her habds gripping your hips almost painfully, forcing you to bite your lip to keep yourself from squeeking. you know that harin is stressed and upset, she needs it. her lips leave imprints of light pink lip gloss on your neck, wet kisses placed all over your neck. her knee move between your legs, pushing your soft thighs apart, and finally her knee presses against your crotch, giving you some friction. a quiet gasp leaves you and at that moment harin nibbled on your neck and sucked on your skin, leaving red mark, which in the future will become a small bruise, she loves to leave hickeys on you, to feel control. she's a little more rough today, more harsh than usually and you understand that you really hurt her, even if you didn't mean to in the first place. harin gets rid of your shirt and pulls your skirt and panties down to your knees. she says that you are already wet, but of course, today she'll torture you a little, she'll make sure you know that she is upset with you. her gentle hands gripping your waist so tightly, that there will probably be a bruises. she pishe you more onto the table making you literally lay on it, she leans over you, her tongue extends from your neck to your collarbones, paying attention to them, and then to your chest. her lips wrap around one of your nipples, first sucking and then squeezing with her teeth and tugging it. you arch your back, the back of your head hitting the table, but you ignore it, just trying to cope with what harin is now doing to your breast. it’s a bit painful, but your nipples are hard, so this treatment aroused you too. though, harin aroused you always, no matter harsh she or gentle.

"harin..." your voice trembled, she interrupted you.

"how could you do this to me, y/n? wanted to leave me? betray for suji? no, you're mine and that's it. you're only for me... I'll keep you that way..." she sounds confident, dominant even, as if trying to clearly highlight that she is in charge now, that you don't decide anything. but there is also a little trembling in her voice, she's not only stressed but also worried too, as if she is trying to onvince herself that she is still in control of the situation and what is happening between you two.

"spread your legs" harin saud sternly and you do as she asked. she frowned. "I said spread your fucking legs!..." you feel slap on your thigh and hard grip on your ass, you squeek and winced in pain but spread your legs further, trying to please her. harin grunted annoyedly. "what a bitch... why can't you just do what I'm telling you to..." she placed her hands on your knees and pushed them appart even more. fortunately, you have been doing gymnastics since childhood and you're flexible, cuz if you didn’t have such a flexible body, you would already be writhing in pain from such a strong pressure. you're already so wet that wetness even covered the table a little. without warning, harin suddenly pushed two fingers into you all the way, you whimpered, intuitively trying to close your legs but harin give you a stern look and you know better than upset her even more, especially since you're the one who upset her so much already. her lips kiss yours deeply, her tongue insistently pushes into your mouth, and her fingers continued pumping inside you. her movements so fast and harsh, deeper with each thrust. feels like like she's going to reach your cervix if keep moving like this. harin feels that you really lack air and takes pity on you a little, interrupting the kiss and giving you a chance to breathe. her fingers curl inside you, hitting all your sensitive spots and coaxing moans out of you.

"fucking!.... take it!..." harin growled and pushed inside you even more, thrusts so deep and hard that even she herself almost breathless. her digits literally knocks whimpers and high pitched moans out of you. your eyes watering and your legs trembling because of intensity of all this. harin feels the walls of your pussy clench around her fingers, her thumb is on your clitoris, massaging it, and her thrusts do not stop. you're literally at the peak, you can almost feel the nearing release.

"don't even think I'll let you cum now. you won't cum, or I'll fuck your brains out. don't fucking make me upset, y/n."

tears run down your cheeks due to overstimulation, you clenching around harin's fingers so much that it's even getting hard for her to move.

"please... harin i can't.... I'm sorry... I won't leave you, i swear, i never ever wanted to even..." you say, trough gasps for air. harin's eyes softenes a little, as well as her grip on your thighs. her soft spot for you getting better of her. harin's lips on yours, the kiss is much more calm and gentle than last, and her thrusts slowed down, becoming more pleasant than painful. you can't take it anymore, your walls clenching around her for the last time and you feel like everything fading away, pure pleasure etching with some pain in your sore muscles. harin pulls her fingers out off your pink and puffy from her harshness pussy, her knuckles all drenched in your juices, white and slick all over. she brings then to your lips.

"such a mess you made... as always. i guess, it's just the way you are, right? just a messy little girl who don't know better than upset her future wife. clean up, and maybe I'll think about letting you speak about what you have to say. after all, you're mine, who else will ever listen to you?"

#baek harin x reader #wlw #pyramid game x reader #pyramid game #character x reader #baek harin #smut #wlw smut

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morallyinept · 1 month

Text

ADORATION - A Joel Miller x Breast Cancer/Mastectomy F!Reader One Shot

Written as part of my B O D I E S Series 🤎

BODIES MASTERLIST

Summary: After some completely unexpected and devastating news, a long journey of loss and healing, Joel shows you how beautiful he still finds you.

Pairing: No Outbreak Joel Miller x Breast Cancer/Mastectomy F!Reader (No name or physical description of reader in terms of ethnicity, hair colour etc... However, Reader had breasts and hair before treatment. I've imagined Reader to be around a similar age as Joel, who is 56 when writing this, however Reader's age is not mentioned, so you can determine/imagine it's you, if you'd like to, bub.)

Word Count: 8.3k

Scoville Smut Rating:🌶️🌶️🌶️ “You tell me I'm doing well, and then, you try to kill me."

Check out my Scoville Smut Ratings here.

Triggers & warnings: Mentions of breast cancer/double mastectomy/surgery/grief/loss/depression/body issues/illness & recovery/fear/mentions of death. Established relationship/unprotected PIV (wrap up, folks)/breast worship/Joel loves on you hard.

NSFW. MINORS DNI! OVER 18’s ONLY. YOU ARE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU READ.☝🏻Don’t come at me; you’ve been plenty warned.

I write for me, and I share with you. If this story isn't to your taste, that's fine. Just slip quietly out the back door. No need to make a fuss. It's just a work of fiction.

Author’s Note: It's important to me that all types of readers are represented in my work, therefore this collection of stories is written for readers with REAL bodies. However, anyone can enjoy them. Whilst this story may not specifically represent your own personal journey, it is my hope that it resonates and offers comfort and enjoyment. The condition/disability mentioned in this story is not 'one size fits all' - everyone's journey is personal and unique, and I have undertaken as much research as I can to write accurately and respectfully. 🤎

MAIN MASTERLIST | JOEL MILLER MASTERLIST

Enjoy! 🖤

You’re whining, keening softly as your nose dusts the crown of greying curls resting just below your chin.

They tickle gently on the inside of your nostrils each time you inhale, smiling into the beam of sunlight that strobes onto the pillow, blinding you into a warm, balmy bliss.

Causing your body to spasm and jerk beneath him; little bursts of electricity soar with static, crackling down your spine. You arch your back, pushing your nipple further into his warm, wet mouth.

The insatiable pull around your nipple draws hisses from behind your teeth, eyes rolling back into the furthest reaches of your skull.

Your fingers press into the back of his cranium, cradling him close; losing yourself to the never-ending swirl of his tongue around that fleshy, hard bud as he tongues it, sucks it, nips it...

Hips grinding in a languid cadence against his crotch, a hard bulge catches on your clit as you grind against his cock; stiff and leaking into his faded, worn-out boxers.

Joel’s a self-confessed breast man. He likes pawing at your ass too on the very regular occasion, but he spends most of his foreplay time - and any time, really - latching onto your breasts like a hungry infant.

He likes to suck your nipples out of the puffy swell of your areolas on warm mornings when you wake nestled around him. Coax that stubborn left one out of it's invert with a probing, flickering tongue.

He loves to pinch the stiff, hardened peaks through your top when you're chilly to make you giggle and squirm against him. Feels closest to you when you sit together watching a rubbish film on Sunday evenings in his lap, and he casually has his hand up your shirt holding onto your breast like he would your hand.

It’s a comfort you both enjoy; a big, reassuring warmth holding onto you. He likes feeling the weight of them as they fill his palms, watching the bounce of them, mesmerized, as you ride on his cock vigorously.

Joel’s all up in your marvellous chest at any chance he can get. Sucking the pebbled teats between his lips, swirling his tongue around and around as you fist through his wavy locks and groan when he brings you to orgasm just by lavishing your breasts with his mouth - he loves how sensitive they are.

Especially the right one, it's almost as sensitive as your clit.

Just a few licks over it on this lazy weekend morning, has you panting and almost tearing the roots from his scalp as he squeezes the left one inside his deft fingers; flicking the nipple with his rough index pad and groping a lavish handful.

He’s rutting into you, on the cusp of just pulling his cock out of his boxers - that have seen better days - and slipping into his beautiful wife writhing underneath him; he can feel you seeping through the thin cotton against him.

Joel squeezes your breast again as he sucks at the other, humming at your moans. You croak out his name; each vowel rolling off your tongue with abject need.

Opening and closing his fist around the mound, grunting in rapture, he brushes his thumb along the underside, when he stops. Shiny nipple popping out of his wet mouth, with that furrowed brow pulling his face into a tight knot.

“Darlin’,” he says, with a pursed mouth; his heavy eyes falling to your breast, and his stubby thumb running under the obvious hardness of a lump. “Ya feel that?” He questions, gently.

You look down at him realising his pause.

“Why are you stopping?” You gasp, your hips still moving, slit making a sticky mess against his cottoned length.

You stop grinding, sitting up as you take your breast from him and squeeze all around it, slightly irritated at the interruption, until you find it for yourself.

You feel an unwelcome visitor nestled within the soft curve under your breast, inviting itself bluntly into yours and Joel’s lovemaking.

“God,” you say, his concerned eyes meeting yours.

A lump, no larger than a pea, yet heavy with the weight of uncertainty, that suddenly makes your blood run icy. Your heart pounds a frantic rhythm against your rib cage.

Fear, cold and unyielding, spreads poisoned rust through your veins as you trace its contours; your fingers lingering over the unfamiliar bobble of its terrain.

“It’s probably nothin’,” he reassures with a nod, with eyes so deep you could fall into them and never see light again.

"Yeah," you nod too, but your own eyes convey your trepidation.

And it’s enough to halt any chance of morning sex with your burly husband in its tracks, as you disappear quickly into the bathroom for a thorough inspection.

Disbelief, a fleeting hope that what your fingers trace is merely a figment of your imagination, or a cyst at best.

All weekend you fret and worry until you can call the doctor's office on Monday morning.

You can't count the number of times you touch it, prod at it. You tell yourself out loud that it’s probably nothing, like Joel suggests.

Yet, as reality sinks its claws into your rational thinking, fear takes root, gnawing away at the fragile threads of your composure.

Yeah. Probably a cyst.

Your breasts change all the time; lumpy and bumpy; they’re not as perky as they once were. Your monthly cycle sees them ache and weight heavy like granite blocks sometimes.

It’ll be fine. Nothing to worry about. You tell your weary reflection, but she has a hard time believing you as she stares back with unblinking eyes.

When Joel doesn't put his hand up your shirt as you nestle into him during your Sunday night film ritual, that's when the tears kick in.

Excusing yourself to the bathroom, you don’t cry in front of Joel, but he’s not so easy to convince that everything's fine, and it’s just allergies making your eyes red, when he knows it’s not allergy season. Or that you have any allergies.

“S’alright to be worried, darlin’. But ya gon’ be okay.” He tells you he’s coming to the doctor with you.

You argue that it’s fine, but he's insistent with his brooding frown and pursed lips like he’s constantly chewing on a wasp. He tells you he loves you no matter what, and you’ll be fine and that’s that, as he squeezes your hand.

He pulls you close as you watch the film together spread out on the sofa. Still no hand up your shirt. You see the colour moving on the screen, hear the dialogue and music, but none of it sinks in. You’re staring at the TV completely blank.

He excels at making you think clearly, challenges your fears and helps you confront them with simple questions and words to get you to think differently. It’s one of the main reasons you married him. He has a level head.

And you don’t realise how tense you are until Joel rubs your back and you melt fully into his chest.

With more soothing words and reassurances, eventually you believe him that you’re probably being irrational and panicking over nothing, because Joel has this knack of waving a magic wand and making everything okay.

But it isn’t okay, not this time.

Within two weeks you have a mammogram and a biopsy after the doctor murmurs hmms and huhs at you.

You’re told not to worry as there’s only a two per cent chance that it’ll be cancer, as you’re stripped bare before the prying eyes of medical professionals and the cold embrace of diagnostic tests.

The loss of control over your own physicality is so fast, leaving you feeling exposed and deprived of the autonomy you'd once taken for granted.

Unfamiliar hands groping and prodding on your breasts replace Joel’s warm, tender ones, and you try to hold it together inside the sterile walls.

You break the moment he has you in his arms outside in the long, lonely corridor of the hospital and asks you how it went.

Joel throws himself into work on the construction site, and you throw yourself into a sinking depression, clouded with worry and worst case scenarios.

You’re sent home with stitches and painkillers after the biopsy, and all you can do is wait.

The invasion of a hostile takeover of your once jaunty mood hovers thickly in the air between you both at home during that time.

You do the one thing you shouldn’t and Google fucking everything. Survival rates, post-op images, types of cancer and all the dread that your eyes can take in until you can take in no more.

You then switch tactics and try to stay occupied and distracted. You play Joel’s old country rock playlist full blast, deciding to turn the house upside down and clean and bleach the shit out of every nook and cranny of it, until Joel comes home, eyes stinging with the fumes, and asks if you’ve lost your damned mind.

You smell bleach on your fingers for days after and it reminds you bleakly of the smell in the hospital corridors.

You lay in bed side-by-side at night, awkwardly staring at the ceiling, recalling how most nights you can hardly get enough of one another. But Joel rolls over and mumbles an exhausted goodnight to you, and you try your hardest not to cry; but the tears slip silently out the creases of your eyes anyway.

You’re called to come in for your biopsy results almost a week later, and the car journey there is deathly silent as Joel and you stare out the windshield and don’t say anything the whole way there.

Joel glances at you and you feel the weight of his ginormous hand on your thigh, squeezing it, and you barely register the sensation at first, turning to him as he squints in the sunlight as he turns the wheel.

There’s no casual flirting, no animated discussions about supper; no singing along to Bennie And The Jets together on Rock FM.

You watch the town pass you by out the window like it’s a stranger, equal parts numb and terrified.

The specialist takes a seat opposite you both, their gaze never wavering as they speak in a soft voice laced delicate with empathy, and you immediately know from the look on their face.

“It’s gon’ be alright, darlin’.” He says.

Although you’re unsure if it’s for your benefit or his, as his eyes remain focused on the road and glaze over in their emptiness somehow.

"I wish there was an easier way to say this, but the results of your biopsy came back, and I'm afraid it's cancer..."

Your breath catches in your throat, your world dangerously spinning out of control as the weight of those words settle over you like a suffocating shroud.

"Cancer? Two per cent…" You whisper, your voice barely audible above the rush of blood in your ears.

The medical speak jumbles your brain. Triple-Negative. Faulty BRCA1. Aggressive…

The words fade out and so do you.

But when you come back, you're looking at Joel; at his profile as he speaks. Mouth moving at the specialist with questions fired behind stunned snarls.

You're not sure where you go, or for how long, it’s just all muffled and quiet. Like being underwater, it fills your ears completely as you sink. Peaceful in a way.

The first time in weeks you’ve had any peace inside the tornado of your mind. It all stills.

He’s so beautiful.

You think it’s odd how a man can be deemed beautiful, like it emasculates him somehow, but it's the right word, you think. Beautiful, with heavy features etched with concern, yet softened by an unwavering love that radiates from his soulful brown eyes.

In the opaque light filtering through the window, you notice the creases at the corners of his eyes, the remnants of countless laughter-filled moments you’ve shared; your mind reliving through all of them in a handmade scrapbook decorated with glitter glue.

You can hear that little breathy snuffle he makes as he chuckles at something you say, whether it’s genuinely funny or moronic. His eyes, once bright with hope and joy, now glisten with unshed tears filling round shiny scleras, reflecting the tumult of emotions churning within him.

He talks, asks all the right questions you can't even form into comprehensible words. And somewhere through the falling, the tumbling, you love him even more for it.

You spend a quiet moment tracing the prominent curve of his nose with your eyes down into the way his lips will quirk upwards in a playful, crooked grin that never fails to warm your heart.

Yet now, they’re drawn down into a thin pout of worry; a silent plea for reassurance amidst the uncertainty that looms over you both.

Joel's a practical man, hands on. He needs to know. He needs to have all the facts and weigh up all the options presented to him like a gloomy spread of cards on the desk before him.

You can’t help yourself, reaching your fingers out and tangling them in the soft tendrils of his hair as you brush them behind his ear.

But you're fixating on his hair, once a riot of chestnut curls that framed his face with youthful exuberance, now bear the distinguished marks of time - strands of silver threaded through the greying curls that fall in gentle waves around his temples.

It’s almost like they’re greying further in front of you as you watch him now.

When was the last time he got a haircut?

Your fingers brush against the fuzzy, silken stubble that adorns his jawline and top lip, a tactile reminder of the physicality of your love, recalling the way he rubs it against your face, your inner thighs...

His jaw clenches slightly, a reflexive response to the weight of your shared anguish, yet his grip on your hand remains steadfast.

Your eyes drop to the calloused knot of thick, squeezing tendons and bone crushing around your own.

The look in his coffee bean eyes as you advanced towards him, stacked chest puffed out; filled with love and pride that you were his. You remember his speech, how he choked around carefully thought out words relishing that he’ll get to spend every waking moment with his best friend.

The gleam of his wedding ring and the feel of the warm metal is no longer perfect in its circumference as you trace your finger over the tarnish of it. It’s flecked with tiny scratches from his work.

You remember how handsome he looked in his snug-fitting tux as he waited for you at the end of the aisle scattered with rose petals.

You squeeze your eyes shut as you picture him looking down into your coffin, wearing the same tux; red eyes and snot falling from his nose as he collapses, wailing your name in haunted howls, and it’s enough to have you fleeing from your chair, with a spine-chilling scrape against the floor, in search of the nearest bathroom as your stomach lurches.

You barely make it, spilling your insides into the toilet bowl uncontrollably.

No. No, no, no…

The harsh fluorescent lights flicker overhead, casting eerie shadows against the cold, tiled wall with you pressed up against it; your breaths coming in ragged gasps that echo in the hollow confines of the tiny bathroom.

Tears stream down your cheeks, hot and relentless, as the weight of the diagnosis presses down upon you like a suffocating lead blanket, threatening to engulf you in its darkness.

Panic claws at your chest, its icy fingers tightening with each heartbeat, squeezing the air from your lungs until you feel as though you’ll suffocate beneath its crushing weight.

You can't breathe as you fumble at your buttons on your shirt trying to loosen them.

"I got ya, darlin'. I got ya." He soothes. "It's okay. I got ya. Sssh. Just breathe. I got ya..."

It doesn’t take Joel long to find you at all. All tiny and cowering in the cubicle; sobbing wildly as you reach for him, and he pulls you to him and lets you shatter against his broad shoulders.

His voice is your anchor, pulling you back slowly.

It's not fair. You can’t leave him.

You slur something about fucking it all, you’re going to die anyway, right? Might as well go down swinging, before he takes the bottle from you, muttering fucks of his own, as he prods you back up to bed and wraps band-aids around your bleeding toes.

You don’t remember him picking you up and taking you home, or holding you all night.

You don’t remember him finding you in the kitchen at around two AM, drinking yourself stupid with broken glass around your feet, and his concerned tone asking you what the hell you’re doing.

You eventually fall asleep encased inside of his arms and inhaling the spiced scent of his skin, breathing it in deeply so you don’t forget it.

He makes you breakfast in the morning that you don’t eat, irons clothes for you that you don’t wear.

Buys you brightly coloured flowers, that he knows you love, to cheer you up. But you simply let them wilt and die on the counter top, not bothering to get a vase out for them.

You just sit and watch them die; their velvety petals shrivelling and curling before your eyes over the course of days.

Cancer just doesn't affect you, it affects the people closest to you, too.

That’s what the website says that you’ve been directed to. You realise this when you notice Joel and you haven't had sex since the day he discovered the lump.

You haven’t kissed either, not passionately anyway. Your breasts have been unloved and untouched by him, for what feels like weeks, when the man usually can’t bear to not grope or pinch them playfully when he holds onto you. Or sneaks up behind you when you're washing up the dishes, making you splash bubbles in his face.

In a bout of feverish desperation, you climb into his lap whilst he’s watching a game and nursing a bottle of beer on his day off, kissing him with wanton bites on his neck making him frown, as you push your chest towards his face.

It only kills you further when he shakes his head and tells you not like this, darlin’ before he lifts you off of him.

It creates an argument. You accuse him of not finding you attractive anymore, and he growls at you that you’re being ridiculous, before you yell even louder.

You don’t even know why you’re yelling or how you even got to this point. Nothing makes sense anymore.

And yet now, for the first time, you don’t know what he’s thinking behind that knot of muscles pulling his face taught; what he’s feeling, and it fucking terrifies you as you plead for him to talk to you.

You and Joel never fight like this. You always talk about things that bother you both. You've never heard Joel raise his voice in the whole entire time you've known him.

Honesty and open communication has always driven your relationship and come naturally between you both.

But instead, he leaves to let you cool off. You don’t know that he doesn’t go far at all. He just drives his truck round the corner and sits there in it, sobbing helplessly into his thick palms until it gets dark and he goes to a bar in town to drown his sorrows further.

You don't know that it kills him not being able to touch you; he wants to. Fuck, he wants nothing more than to ravish you, but he’s terrified he’ll hurt you, or will do something dumb that only his own mounting panic convinces him he’ll do.

For the first time in his life, Joel feels completely helpless.

It’s not fair. He can’t lose you.

“Let me see,” you prompt, and he drops the ice-pack to reveal a nasty black eye in the early stages of birth.

You find him in the kitchen late when he eventually comes back home, and making no effort to hide the fact he’s had a heavy drink.

He looks up at you, holding an ice-pack to his face and waiting for the tirade from you.

Red grazes orbit around his fist too, knuckle skin missing, you note. His eye is almost sealed shut with the swelling that’s a mix between blue and purple, in stark contrast to his golden face. Broken blood vessels litter the area, and he sniffs deeply before he speaks again.

“Ya should see the other guy,” Joel assures with a tight mouth.

He has a large dimple on the left side of his face when he smiles; an almost perfect, crescent like the moon in its waxing phase. But it’s hard to coax a smile out of him for it to be fully revealed these days; his mouth constantly twitches into a downward arch most of the time.

As you look at him, there’s an old man somewhere inside of his face; a burdened man, exhausted and on the verge of giving up entirely.

Cancer just doesn't affect you, it affects the people closest to you, too.

“What happened?” You query, tentatively as you dab at his knuckles.

“I lost my shit.” He replies stoically, as you tend and fuss over him whilst sighing.

You look up at him and as much as you want to be mad with him, you can’t - he’s hurting too.

Comprehension is a difficult task to begin to tackle. You ask so many whys - why me? Why is this happening? But fail to find an answer to any them.

Everything has been spun one-eighty and you’re still dizzy from the shock of your diagnosis.

Hours and soon days disappear from your life, like sand falling in an hourglass, as you try to fully understand what’s happening around you.

You feel as though meandering through a blur, your body robotically doing the things you're supposed to, but your mind not being fully coherent. Get up, eat, work, go to bed and so on. It ticks continuously whilst your limbs belong to that of a zombie.

Questions, thoughts and images... all blinking through you trying to piece it all together whilst you move stagnantly. But eventually the anxiety begins to chip into your mentality and inserts thoughts that you daren’t venture down.

The exact truth is staring you in the face, but try as you might to refute it, it’s plainly obvious and it begins to terrify you in ways that are new.

You have cancer.

It invades your dreams and deprives you of sleep. Tears make themselves acknowledged, at the most inconvenient of times too, like shopping in the grocery store, or typing at your computer at your desk at work, and trying to hide them from the prying world is a task in itself.

And you don’t realise it at the time, but Joel’s going through the same. Questioning, worrying, just as paranoid and stressed as you are.

And you both need to talk about it, you know you do, but yet neither of you can quite summon the courage to do so.

“M’sorry,” he says into your hair, as he pulls you in for a crushing cuddle against him.

“It’s okay,” you murmur, as quiet tears absorb into the plaid flannel pulled tight over his chest from your eyes.

But it's not okay. You have cancer.

Over the course of your discussions with the doctors, specialists and oncologists - and other medical professionals, whose names, faces and titles get lost in the swampy fog of your brain - the words ‘bilateral mastectomy’ are tossed around.

It’s clear the risks aren’t worth you keeping both of your breasts when they tell you you’re at high risk of it potentially coming back. To add another punch to the blow, they suggest removing your ovaries too, mumbling the words just in case.

Just in case…

You look at Joel, devastated. You’d both agreed that children were something you weren't both keen on having years ago, but it still feels like that choice of having an open dialogue about it is ripped from you.

When you agree it’s the best way forward, and he agrees too with a face that looks like he’s just had a lobotomy and doesn’t know where he is, a date is put in the diary for the surgeries and treatments, and it’s sooner than you think it will be.

There’s hardly any time to breathe and take it all in.

A day before the surgery and you’re sitting at the kitchen table with a face on as Joel comes in from work, sawdust caked in his hair and boots.

Your voice cracks as you explain that perhaps you should just call it time. Let him find someone else. You won’t be upset, you want him to be happy as you mutter incoherently about death and divorce, and death again, until he shakes his head defiantly and huffs loudly.

He reaches into the fridge for a cool beer and offers you one, but you don’t reply. He looks down at your face.

At the face that Joel affectionately calls butt face.

The beer fizzes over the top in a foamy eruption as he slams it down on the counter top.

“Ya really are an idiot, ain’t ya?” He says, slumping down heavily into the chair beside you.

“But,” you begin and he makes the butt face at you, with pushed out lips and squinted eyes. “You won’t want me anymore.” You whisper.

His face pulls serious as he drags your hand into his blistered ones. “I ain’t fuckin’ goin’ anywhere.” He grits. “And neither are you.”

“But-”

“Quit with the butt face, darlin’. In sickness and in health. Ain’t that what we promised?”

“Yeah, but-”

He shakes his head again, his stubby fingers finding their home on your face, catching renegade tears in the whorls of his fingerprints.

“What, ya think m’gonna not love ya anymore because ya ain’t gonna have any breasts, is that it?”

That’s exactly it, hit the nail on the head, and although you don’t say it, he knows. Damn it, he knows.

“Ya really think m’that shallow?” He clicks his tongue around his teeth.

“No, of course I don’t,” you shake your head. “I’m just… I’m scared, Joel. I'm really fucking scared.” You gulp.

“I know.” He says, pulling you into his lap and wrapping those big, strong arms around you. “M’gonna be right there, when ya wake up, okay? M’gonna bring ya home and we’ll get through this, together. You n’ me. One day at a time. Okay, butt face?”

It’s the first time in weeks you smile and the first time in weeks you kiss; a soft, but tentative peck against your lips, that still holds back somewhat.

Pushing your foreheads together you sigh out, unable to think about anything else.

Two operations, four and a half months of chemotherapy and three weeks of radiotherapy, and it takes months for your hair to grow back.

You remember recoiling in horror as it fell out in clumps a few weeks after the chemo started, until you decided to just be done with it, and had Joel shave it off for you.

He offered to do his own in solidarity with you, until you snatched the clippers from him.

“Don’t you dare!” You almost shrieked as you ran your fingers through his tufty curls, smiling. “You’re never getting a haircut ever again.” And he smirked at that.

“Yes, ma’am.” He'd said as he put them away.

You had woken, groggy and aching, to Joel's face smiling at you and pushing a water beaker to your lips. You looked down to see your chest covered in bandages and drains under your hospital issue nightgown.

It was an odd feeling, you didn't feel much of a difference in those first few, post-op days; weighted down by the drains and dressings, and in and out with the pain meds.

They shifted you out of hospital the next day to recover at home, and Joel took up the role of carer, doctor and home cook as he fussed and got you comfy on the couch in a suffocating fort of pillows and blankets.

After the ovarian surgery, you started taking aromatase inhibitors, which were an added nightmare as these treatments bring on an almost immediate menopause with your ovaries now gone.

No gradual decline - a full push over the fucking cliff, face first. You can’t bear for Joel to touch you when you’re burning up and sweating; soaking the sheets through completely that you fear you’ve wet the bed.

When you’re sick from the radiotherapy, he feels useless hearing you heave behind a locked door. All you can do is lay in bed for days, struggling to keep food down and sleep it off.

You're too weak and exhausted to climb the stairs sometimes, so Joel carries you in his arms up them, even though it kills his knees and makes him groan silently when it pulls on his back. But he still does it anyway.

There are more discussions as the treatments carry on. More options, more pills, more chemicals. More time spent feeling like sludge.

Your bandages and dressings finally come off and you see yourself for the first time in front of a mirror, and there are a few moments when you can’t feel anything. Like there’s no water left in your body to cry anymore.

You just stare at your reflection with the nurse hovering by your side.

They warned you you’d be left with scarring. The scars from the mastectomy extend across the skin of your chest either side and into your armpits where you had lymph nodes removed too. They’ll fade over time, but will never completely disappear.

They warned you they’ll also feel permanently numb. And they’re right, as you touch your mutilated body with shaky fingers, you feel… nothing.

It’s another loss to mourn, the loss of your femininity, of yourself.

And that’s the worst feeling of all as you stare at the mess of your chest that was once curved and bouncy and shapely like a woman ought to be.

Now you’re flat as a board and there’s nothing remotely feminine about your body now, you think.

You can feel the sensation of touch to some degree, but it’s nothing like before. No sensitivity, no prickly feeling that creates goosebumps, just completely numbed out.

And over the course of some weeks, you can feel odd sensations arise, like you’ll touch your chest and you’ll feel it under your armpit. Your body feels all out of sorts as it slowly heals.

You have options; you can have more surgery to build you a pair of breasts if you'd like, but that comes with more pain and recovery and you decide you’re done with that.

You can wear a padded or filled out bra, you can have a tattoo which you briefly consider to cover the scarring.

But you settle on remaining as you are for now. Overwhelmed by the options out there, when you truly believed there was nothing that could make you feel even remotely feminine again.

Maybe something pretty, like flowers…

And Joel nods at all of them as you ask for his input, but ultimately he just wants what you want.

You cover the scars up with layers. You sleep with long sleeved tops and no longer undress in front of Joel. You can't bear him to see you like this, not yet.

Each day you think will be the day when you garner enough bravery to show him, but don't.

It feels weird, like some days they’re still there, akin to a phantom limb. You find yourself checking your chest as you feel the familiar bounce of them as you run down the stairs, or go to grope them with the suds to clean in the shower and the loss devastates you all over again.

He reassures you, telling you that you're beautiful with sincere eyes, and there's nothing that you need to worry about. But it still niggles away.

That lone, renegade thought that he might not be attracted to you anymore when he sees them, suddenly becomes the loudest of all.

They say time is a healer. Patience, understanding. And Joel has been all these things and more.

He’s carried you above the surface of the muddy water when all you’ve wanted to do is drown at times. He’s the one who nudges you awake each morning with a nose in your cheek and reminds you to take your pills.

He’s the one who brought you a beautiful coloured scarf to wear on your head when you lost your hair. A gorgeous floral print that you admired with a smile at the intricate pattern of petals as you ran your fingers over the silk of it.

He’s the one who, despite working all the hours God sends, still comes home and makes you something to eat because he knows you might not have any energy to cook.

He’s the one who still tells you he loves you, no matter what’s going on under your tops and sweaters that swamp you in their bagginess.

It isn’t time that does it at all, it’s him.

You wake one morning, months after, as the sun pools in the bedroom, and look at Joel on his back, asleep and snoring gently.

Joel’s seen you at your absolute worst; your most vulnerable, and he’s still here. Resilient, strong. A man who puts others to shame.

A man that you still desire, and you want him to desire you, even if you’re not whole anymore.

You reach out and touch him, hand brushing over the swell of his golden belly to convince yourself he’s real. Soft, downy hairs around his belly button tickle your palm gently.

He stirs at your stroking, sleepy eyes looking down at you as he blinks, adjusting to the light.

“Ya alright?” Joel asks, and you nod with a smile.

“I love you.” You say to him and he blushes, like he always does at that. Pink capillaries coming to life in his cheeks.

“I love you, darlin’.” He confirms, clutching your hand and kissing across the knuckles gently.

His hair is a tousled mess, the greys on his chest seem more plentiful and it stirs something within you; something the intense and gruelling treatments haven't fully killed off.

You straddle him and lean over, kissing him, much to his surprise. Your hands roam over his soft belly, squeezing gently as he smirks around your lips, and yelps a little when you pinch a ticklish spot.

“Hey now,” he warns, as your tongue licks over his lips.

He hums out as his hands sweep up your back, cupping the back of your head as he slips his tongue inside your mouth.

To taste him again is divine as your body instantly relaxes onto him. He nips gently on your lip and you groan out as you feel how hard he gets underneath you.

You can’t help but subtly grind on him as he groans into your mouth.

You break the kiss to sit upright, heart thrumming in your chest as he looks up at you with those dark, molten eyes.

"I'm ready to show you." You say and he straightens up.

"Okay," he nods, thumbs stroking over your thighs gently.

Without hesitation, you lift up your top revealing the flat, scarred wasteland that is your chest now, that you haven’t had the courage to let him fully see.

For a moment, his face is completely unreadable and you consider reaching for your top to cover up again.

You hold your breath as his eyes wander over the puckered welts; you feel his fingers twitch against your hips.

He sits up on his elbows, eyes locked onto yours, licking over his lips slowly as his peepers follow the lines back and forth.

His eyes dip further down to the two, little dimpled scars from where your ovaries were removed, either side of your tummy.

“Don’t ya dare,” he says, as if able to read your mind.

And you realise that he can, in his own way. He’s always been able to see you even though you try to hide sometimes. He just has the patience to wait until you're ready.

He never pushes, he just waits, because he knows that eventually, you’ll crawl out from whatever hole you need to hide in for a while to deal, to process - whatever it is you need to do. Then you’ll come back to him.

And he’ll always be there aith open arms when you do.

Joel takes you in his arms, twists you so you’re laying on your back and he kisses you there without hesitation. Kisses gently where your breasts once were in the same way that he used to.

Runs his mouth delicately over the numbed skin, dragging lips and leaving wet tracks with open mouthed kisses.

You gasp out as your eyes fill with water, your fingers finding their rightful place, raking through his curls as he glides his tongue over every creased line of your scars.

“Joel,” you whimper, cradling him as you feel his hardness press up against your centre.

You can feel a tingle of the warmth from his lips on your skin kissing gently as your eyes pool. He looks up to see you crying.

“Baby, baby. Does it hurt?” He asks, worried.

You shake your head. “No. No, I can feel you.” You gasp, shaking. “It’s weird, but I can.”

“Where?” He asks.

“There, kind of,” you say, as he brushes his lips over the spot where your right nipple used to be.

He kisses you there and runs his tongue gently over the area making you shudder, and you feel the tingles again, strangely in your armpit.

It makes you giggle at how your nerves have patched themselves up all wonky, and he smiles at you, chuckling as he licks and tests all places that might have an ebb of feeling, with little kisses and watching your reaction to each one.

All the tension leaves your body, muscles relaxing beneath his gentle ministrations; breath steadying as you surrender to the intimacy of this moment.

Reaching down, you cup his swollen cock over his boxers, with the fraying elastic tickling your wrist.

“We really need to get you some new underwear,” you titter at the state of them.

He simply shrugs with a smirk. “I could just simply take ‘em off.”

You nod eagerly and he pushes them down over his hips as you stroke him; your palm sticky with him as he leaks undeniably into it.

“Ya sure?” He queries gently as you swipe him against your folds.

"Mmm, Joel." You groan at the feel of him as you pump him. "God, I want you."

It feels so good to have him touching you, so close. The weight of his body pressed into yours, crushing you again. How warm he feels against your skin.

“I fucking want you, Joel.” You plead, as you clutch his face in your other hand. His warm breath breathes life into your tired bones. “I don’t want you to be gentle either. I need you to fuck me, hard.”

“Ya so fuckin’ beautiful, darlin’,” he grunts as he pushes his thick cock head against your drenched hole.

You both groan out as he fills you, stretching you wide around him and pumping into you gently as you acclimatise to his girth - it's been a while.

You wrap your legs around his waist as he mouths at your neck; tongue trailing down to your chest and finding that spot again.

“Snug as a bug in a rug... damn.” Joel quips, his tongue running over his teeth and then shaking his hips from side-to-side, making you feel all those little movements as he furrows up so tightly in there.

He flexes his groin and begins moving back and forth inside of you, pressing on that sweetly, pinchy spot deep inside; slightly uncomfy and yet incredibly good at the same time.

“Fuck me, Joel,” you plead, gripping onto his arm skin, “fuck me hard, please…” You whine as he sets to ploughing you like you command and demand of him.

You’re so wet that the sounds coming out of your pussy are almost farcical, making you giggle and him grunt as they squeak and soak him. He slips out a few times trying to gain his momentum - it’s like a damn slip n’ slide.

Joel presses down on your knee, bearing his weight on it so you can’t shut your legs. Making you endure it - to ride that full gigantic wave smashing into your pussy and rising up through your body.

“Ya so fuckin’ wet, ya drenched.” He’s panting, beside himself with the state you're in. “Gushing for me already, huh, darlin’?”

Your eyes roll back into your head and he smirks as he fucks hard into you like you want.

“Like this? This how ya want it?”

“Yeah, Joel. Don’t stop!” You wail.

“Ain’t gon’ stop til’ ya come for me, baby.”

He only slows to lean in and kiss you as he pistons in deeper, winding those hips of his into you further.

“Joel…” you drone. It feels so good as he grinds, so deep.

“Darlin’ ya feel too good. Fuck, m’not gon’ last like this…” he whines with a panting smirk.

“Slow it down,” you moan as he grips a hold of your thighs and brings you back onto him slower, deeper.

He licks over your mouth clumsily, tongue swiping across your nostrils, grunting out loud as your pussy clenches around him as you shudder underneath him.

He watches with a smile, lighting up the contours of his heavy set brow as you come around him.

And it’s like staring at the sun for too long; his smile brands itself into the back of your eyelids - a permanent scorch that you never want to forget.

And you feel every inch of him like this. He fucks into you slowly; your breaths hitching and falling from your chest quicker as you both work to build you up again.

“Joel!”

He reaches forward, stroking his thick fingers over the marred scars; feeling the smoothness of healing skin juxtaposed with the slight roughness of the scar tissue.

He strokes up to your neck, pulling you upright gently as you cry out when his cock hits so deep.

“Like that, darlin’...” he croons, as he winds further into you. “Mmm, fuck!”

You tremble and shake uncontrollably as he brings you to another orgasm.

“There ya are, baby. There ya are…” Joel smiles, kissing over your nose and cheeks. "So fuckin' beautiful, ain't ya?"

And he’s right there with you, head pressed into yours, watching; feeling as you squeeze and contract. Feeling you tremble and shake.

Watching as your eyes water and you gasp; your hands squeeze around his biceps, nails digging in.

You claw at him. Pulling him closer as he whimpers. A ragged cry escapes from his throat as he drives his hips deeper and struggles to contain himself.

You feel his teeth on your shoulder, grazing and desperate to bite down through the flesh. Your nails rake through his scalp, twisting and pulling as you pant and groan.

He watches in awe at you shaking on the end of his thick cock, rattling about as he turns you out and finally has his way with his gorgeous wife again.

His eyes fall over your chest and he looks at you adoringly, tongue weaving across the scars again without hesitation. Planting kisses and mouthing over the scars.

“Oh God! Oh Fuck!” You holler.

Making you feel every thick, beastly inch of him, as he pounds up into your insides like a boxer taking his fury out on the bag.

Joel pulls you by the hips upright, as he rolls onto his back, so you’re now on top of him. Everything’s fluid, swift and in a blur.

He anchors you down by your waist, making you sit on him; making you unable to escape him.

“Holy shit, oh shit-shit! Joel!” You exclaim as you gasp and struggle to swallow as the frantic intakes of breath choke you. “Oh my God!”

“Ya can take it… ya can do it, that’s it. Ride it.” Joel encourages. “So fuckin’ beautiful when ya take my cock like this, darlin’. God damn."

He just keeps coming at you; powering and thundering through you, without any hesitation in letting up anytime soon. He’s a powerhouse of sweat and grunts, breathing like he’s dying; small, quick rasps and wheezes gurgle in the back of his throat.

You find your pace, pressing palms into his broad chest and letting your hips bounce, and it feels so damn good as the curve of his cock rubs in all the sweet spots deep inside.

You reach down and stroke your clit, groaning at the feel of it tingling wildly under your fingertips.

“Stroke that pretty clit for me,” Joel croons, hammering up into you.

You stroke and rub the sticky nub, and then bring your digits up towards your mouth, sucking and teasing your lips with your fingers, and he watches enthralled.

“Suck those fingers, darlin’.” Joel hisses. “Tell me how good ya taste.”

“So good,” you smirk. You push your fingers to his lips, and he sucks them too.

"Yeah, ya do. Taste so fuckin' good."

You feel his thumb circle over your clit bringing you closer and closer with each swish of his pad against it.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes. YES!” You pant, as he grips around your waist tighter.

“Ya want me to fill ya up, hmm?”

“I want all of you, Joel.” You whine, desperate for him.

“That’s it, grind on my cock. Just like that.” He coos; his lip caught between his teeth as he cranks you around, holding onto your hips.

Your head flops onto his shoulder, your hand gripping onto the other as your lower half powers through.

“Mmm, Joel... please!” You groan, feeling your body tighten and clench again.

“Ya close again, baby?” He wheezes in your ear. "Gonna come for me?"

“Mhm… so close.”

“Come all over my cock.” He encourages. “Soak it, I want it all.”

“Oh God!” You whine.

“So damn good, fuck,” he grunts as you move around and around, your back tensing. He rubs it fondly with his big hands. “Right there, that’s it. Oh fuck, that’s so sweet, darlin’.” He groans. “M’gonna come so deep inside of ya.”

You cry out; your body shuddering and trembling on top of him, and you feel him tense and grunt out on a long, satisfied sigh.

You come, your head expanding and your body floating; your cunt clenching around him as you milk him completely dry. Tingles flood your body, your back arches and you can see the sun burning behind your eyes again.

Unable to think or say anything, Joel kisses you; silencing you before you have the chance to ruin this moment by shrinking back or wrapping yourself back up and hiding your body away from him.

For one millisecond, he’s weak; just a sweaty mess of bewildered man meat beneath you. Joel loses himself inside the holistic spiral of your irises for a moment, unable to get out or find his way through the maze of them.

And part of him wants to stay lost in them forever.

He trembles as he rocks slowly, feeling himself empty and deflate with a final grunt of your name, and his shoulders sag in unison into the mattress.

You wrap your arms around him and finally collapse upon him and lay there for a few minutes, listening to nothing but his heartbeat thrumming in your ears, eventually slowing its pace back to its normal rhythm.

Joel looks down at you as you run your fingers across his scalp and it makes him shiver; goosebumps travelling down his spine at breakneck speeds.

You stop winding the curls, shifting and resting your head up against his as you catch your breath.

He holds you, kissing you gently over your eyelashes and cheeks.

“Ya more fuckin’ beautiful to me than you’ve ever been, ya know that?” He murmurs into your face.

"They made 'em neater than I thought they'd be." He says.

You feel his knuckles sweep over your chest gently, unafraid to touch you at all, and you feel like a weight as been lifted as he does it.

You watch as he traces the ridge of the scars delicately.

"Yeah." You nod. You lift your arm up so he can see them run into your pit.

"Do ya feel much pain still? I didn't hurt ya, did I?"

You smile and shake your head. "No. It's just mostly numb. Just feels different. I'm really happy that I could feel something when you kissed me. Even if it was in my armpit," you chuckle.

"Ya still fuckin' beautiful," he smiles, and kisses inside your armpit.

You smile bashfully, headbutting his chin gently as you try not to let the tears water your eyes.

“Look at me, darlin’.” His fingers tip your chin up to him. Thumbs smearing away any tears. “I mean it. You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known. Fuckin’ balls on ya are bigger than mine.”

“I don’t know about that,” you say, reaching down to cup and stroke the soft swell of his between your fingers.

He groans, biting on his lip before his mouth finds yours again. "Ya tryin' to kill me?" He slips his tongue inside and tastes you all over again, his hands slipping down your back and groping your ass. “Ya so fuckin' sexy."

"You think so?" You smile.

"Oh, I know so. Ya always have been. Don't hide from me anymore, okay?"

"Okay." You breathe.

"Want ya sleepin' naked next to me again." He thinks for a moment. "Why don't I take ya out to dinner tonight? Anywhere ya want. If ya feelin' up for it?"

"You taking me out on a date, hmm?"

"Yeah. I am. Maybe put one of them nice dresses ya got on. I'll put on that shirt ya like. The green plaid one. Spruce myself up for ya."

"That's my favourite." You agree.

"Ya deserve to feel good, darlin'. Wanna take ya out. Show the world how fuckin' lucky I am."

You smile into his face. "What did I do to deserve you, Mr Miller?"

He kisses you again. Soft lips brushing against yours. "M’gonna keep loving ya. You n’ ya stupid butt face. Ya hear me, Mrs Miller?”

You nod, chuckling, safe in his arms; a place where you can feel safe and heal, and begin to feel like yourself again.

“I hear you.” You smile, as he pelts your face with swamping kisses in the warm sunlit bedroom. "I love you."

He smiles and he's never looked more beautiful.

“I love ya too, butt face.” Joel hums, as he crushes you to his chest and never lets you go.

I really hope you enjoyed reading this story with Joel, and welcome your comments/thoughts. I'd appreciate a re-blog if you liked it so others can find it on their dash to read and enjoy too - thank you very much! 🖤

BODIES MASTERLIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

JOEL MILLER MASTERLIST

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being-addie · 1 year

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Sunday Resets

Setting aside time for yourself is so important. I don't think people understand how vital it is to pay attention to your body and just take a day to let your body r-e-l-a-x. We're all so busy fighting to reach the top, that while climbing the corporate ladder, we lose ourselves somewhere along the way. Burnout, depression, and monotony come into play when we don't listen to our bodies telling us they need a break.

Once every two weeks or so, on a Sunday, I turn off all my notifications and have a day dedicated to me. Giving my body some TLC, resting and preparing for the next week. If I have plans on a Sunday, such as brunch or a meeting, I shift that day to Saturday, or at the very least, a day where I have at least 4-5 hours to spend leisurely.

Things I like to do on my Sunday resets:

Wake up early/sleep in: Depending on my mood, and how much sleep I've had during the week, I'll either be up at the crack of dawn or still in bed till it's nearly noon. There's no shame in staying in bed till 11:30 if you're particularly exhausted, but I recommend waking up at least before 11 AM because then you'll feel tired and groggy (of course, this doesn't apply to everyone)

Clean my room: I always make my bed without fail, and if my room is messy, then I'll clean it. Clean the vanity table, my desk, closet, art cupboard and bookshelf, and then the bathroom. If my mom needs help around the house, I do that too.

Food: I make myself a good breakfast, taking time to move around the kitchen and just breathe. I'm getting to eat good food, the sun is shining and I'm alive. It's great. Sometimes my dad cooks for the whole family and we just sit and eat together.

The Everything Shower: I take my Everything Shower on Sundays, where I wash my hair, deep condition, use a hair and face mask, exfoliate and do a face massage. I don't shave because I get my waxing done in a salon. I then slather myself in cocoa butter lotion and apply lip balm. Then do my hair routine (curly hair). It takes a few hours, but it's worth it.

The Next Week: I prep for the next week by cooking something I can take to my classes, like granola bars or homemade pita chips. I also sit down and plan my schedule (any dinners, meetings, parties, etc) and make a rough plan of my goals for the week, like assignments and deadlines.

Errands: I usually make a list of things I need to do during the week, like any specific separate groceries that I use, art supplies I'm low on, or needing to top up the air in my tyres. Then I go complete all of those in the afternoon.

Walks: In the evening, I take a walk around the block with a friend. I usually am too busy to do this during the week, so getting some fresh air is always a treat.

Relax: The rest of the evening is spent relaxing. I watch Netflix with my family, chat with my younger sister, read a novel/play the piano/write poetry. We have dinner together and then either watch a movie or just spend the time talking about our week, or the news. It's fun.

Double-check: Before I go to sleep, I make sure to double-check that my work is done, my bag is packed, clothes are folded and all my devices are charged. I'm in bed by 10:30 PM.

Remember that not all Sundays will be like this. Sometimes I'm extremely drained, so I'll sleep in, order food and just lay in bed recuperating. It's okay to take a rest day. This guide is if you want to be more productive, and it helps the week go smoother. Be the person who has their life in charge. You've got this.

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swamp-adder · 2 months

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Like many fans I've always had issues with Holmes' retirement in canon... not just the separation from Watson but the fact that he always loved detective work so much and it's just hard for me to think of a non-depressing reason why he decided to retire so early in life, move away from everything he loves and focus all his time on some random new hobby that we've never heard about before. I mean even though he's a solitary guy I just have a hard time believing Holmes would actually want to move out to the middle of nowhere where he can't easily go and see concerts whenever he wants.

I know some fic writers try to make sense of it by positing that he had a transformative experience during the Hiatus where he learned how to relax and find true happiness and emotional fulfillment by living a peaceful life appreciating nature instead of doing morbid stuff like obsessing over murders and risking his life all the time, but I dunno... it's not exactly that I find this unbelievable and more that the idea of Sherlock Holmes as a zen nature lover who couldn't be truly happy until he quit being a detective just doesn't appeal to me very much lol.

So how about this alternative theory:

Holmes is sick of being famous and having people hassle him all the time for interviews/autographs/etc (THAT part I can definitely believe). Around 1903 he gets fed up and decides to leave Baker St and secretly move to another location in London, possibly even under the thin façade of an assumed name to keep the neighbors from asking too many questions. (Maybe Mrs. Hudson also retired from landladying around this time and that was part of the impetus for him to leave.) For a while he'll go back to being primarily a "consulting" detective, taking cases from a few Scotland Yard inspectors or government officials who can be trusted with his new address. He had previously banned Watson from publishing any more stories about him, precisely to avoid growing his fame even further; but now he says, "You can publish more stories, but only on the condition that you tell them I'm retired and not living in London anymore." Then Watson is like "How should I say you're spending your retirement?" and Holmes is like "IDK, keeping bees?" as like a random joke. Either that or Watson made up all the "peaceful life of a country beekeeper" stuff to twit Holmes because it's the complete opposite of what he actually enjoys.

Of course eventually people will start piecing together the truth, so Watson writes "The Lion's Mane" to further push the story (and/or as another joke, making it deliberately ridiculous to see if people will still buy it).

Eventually, sometime after the war, Holmes does retire for real; but he stays in London (maybe at still a third address, to shake off the people who managed to track him down last time). He spends his days doing chemical work and writing his book on detection and going out to concerts every night. Watson may or may not live with him, but in any case he's also still in London and they see each other all the time. The end.

#sherlock holmes #acd holmes #watson as unreliable narrator

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satubby · 5 months

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Hei! Thsi is my first time requesting, i hope this is how it goess..?? Can you please do Platonic Yandere Denji + Platonic Yan Aki w/ touchy reader? (hugs,clinging onto arm) etc. ^_^

[I am glad to hear! Of course, although I will make it a bit short because I still need to adapt well to Denji and Aki's personalities, I need to assimilate them to understand them]

Since you were a child you have been kind and stubborn, having to deal alone with problems beyond your age, it was when you met this child: He was dirty and ragged, he cried when his knee was scraped, from there he was your first of many helps you gave him. Thus began your friendship, you gave him food and love.

❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢When they were children and he met you for the first time, Denji thought you were an angel fallen from heaven. He had never known kindness and affection from another person before. Since then he vowed to protect you from harm, so that you would never lose that warm smile. The one that made him feel so special, even though he sometimes got jealous when you gave the same smile to animals and acquaintances. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢You used to feed him a lot, of that he wasn't wrong, you really were kind. Then when the pochita incident happened, he got depressed at first, he didn't know what his purpose was now until he saw you in the middle of the chaos…. You embraced him. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢Now that you are both demon hunters, Denji always makes sure to fight by your side on every mission. He couldn't bear to see you hurt. If he ever noticed you were in danger, he would instantly transform into Chainsaw Man to defend you, no matter what price he has to pay (We already saw how crazy he is to the point of enduring the pain of severed limbs or wounds). ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢He loves the moments when you can rest together. He loves the way you stroke his hair when he is resting on your legs, he feels like a baby in your arms. He is comforted just by your presence. Sometimes he even falls asleep imagining the life they could have if the world wasn't plagued by demons, how Onee-san/Imouto would call you and you would congratulate him on graduating from school…. even though he has never gone. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢He always watches you from afar to make sure you're okay. If he notices you're sad or stressed, he'll go out of his way to make you laugh again. He hates to see you suffer. His biggest motivation is to see you happy and protected, even as a small favor for teaching him the basics. Things like reading or writing his name, giving you love….

❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢On nights when he has nightmares of the past (or pochita's death), he seeks refuge in your arms. He knows that with you he is safe and that his inner demons cannot reach him. You are his only home in this world where he is not seen as trash or something usable. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢Denji would be very sad and worried if he noticed that you put your safety before his. Like all those times as a kid when you helped him hunt demons because he wanted to return the favor by making you money. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢He would flatly refuse to let you participate in any mission that involves risk. He'd rather deal with demons by himself than see you in danger, if it's still mandatory for you to go, then he'll do everything for you. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢If you try to protect him by risking your life, he may panic and get out of control. Only the sound of your voice would calm him down. He would spend sleepless nights thinking of ways to make you understand how vital you are to him. He can't bear the thought of losing the most important person. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢He may call out to you in agitation, teary-eyed, begging you not to act so recklessly anymore. Seeing you hurt is his worst nightmare. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢If the situation were extreme and you were at high risk, he would probably stand between you and danger even if it meant harming himself. He would a thousand times rather suffer himself than see you suffer.

Denji would give anything to ensure your well-being and protection. It is very difficult for him to see you deliberately put in danger for his sake. You are what he loves most.

When Aki passes away in front of his eyes, Denji's heart shatters. It is too much for him to bear so much pain.

But then he remembers that you still have light by his side. He runs to find you, knowing that only you can calm the hurricane inside him.

He finds you crying too for the loss of the friend, so he hugs you tightly as he lets out all his pain in a sea of tears. Gradually, as he feels your comforting caresses on his back, the sobs subside.

"I am no longer alone…you are here with me" Your presence is like a balm to his broken soul. You kiss his forehead repeatedly, Denji still inhaling that scent that means 'home' to him.

"Thank you…for never leaving me. You are my strength, Onee-chan." Denji knows that as long as he has you by his side, he can get through any adversity. You are his grounding cable.

When Power sacrifices herself, Denji returns to seek refuge in your arms. Despite the disgust he feels with himself, you embrace him with a motherly warmth.

"You are not weak…you are only human. And we humans feel, we suffer, and we rise again." Your words heal him inside as if they were balm. With you he feels understood.

Denji would give anything to protect that smile that saves him when he needs it most. You are his safe harbor, his reason to go on.

Since Aki has met you, you have shown nothing but friendship and kindness, even if he is initially reluctant to open up to you… Given his experiences in this bloody world where lives are lost.

❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢Aki always admires you as someone strong and trustworthy. Although he sees Himeno more as a superior, he sees you as a sister due to the proximity of your ages, he admires your leadership skills and your wisdom in difficult situations. After a hard day hunting demons, Aki finds comfort in your kitchen. You make sure he eats well, take care of him and Himeno. Food becomes a way to bond as a makeshift family. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢When Aki has nightmares about losing his family, you let him spend the night with you so he doesn't have to be alone. Waking up to your smiling face soothes him. Over time, the nightmares become less frequent. Aki picks up some of your best habits, like taking breaks and not overworking himself, as you warn him. He begins to take better care of himself thanks to your influence. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢You help Aki train and improve his sword skills. Fights with you push him to hone his skills, while providing him with a fun outlet for stress. Aki comes to see you as one of his most formidable opponents. On days off, you and Aki enjoy relaxing activities like going to the arcade or having picnics in the park. Simple pleasures help him feel like a normal young man again from time to time. Knowing that he can always count on your support gives Aki the courage to follow his path, even in his darkest hours, to the end. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢Aki always feels more comforted and secure wrapped in your warm hugs after a stressful mission. He likes it when you wrap your arms around him protectively, especially if he was injured.

"I'm fine, don't worry," he would say even though deep down he knows it's a lie and can't see your silly face, yet he ignores that pain in favor of being comforted by your presence and care. He affectionately calls you "Imouto/Onee-san" or simply your name in a sigh of gratitude. These moments of tenderness make him feel that there is still goodness left in the world. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢Aki tries to repay you for the great favor you do by feeding him and taking good care of him all this time. He gained culinary skills by watching you in the kitchen and now loves to cook for you, just to see your smile when you taste his dishes. "I hope you like it," he would say eager for your opinion. When he manages to surprise you with some special treat, he feels rewarded for hours of practice. He wants the chance to take care of you too, even if it's in the kitchen. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢Aki sometimes gets a little jealous when you spend too much time with other people, as if they might steal you away from him. He knows it's ridiculous as he trusts you completely. But he can't help those possessive feelings for the one he considers his family. Try not to be obvious with his jealousy and trust that you will always come back to him, as you have done unconditionally so far. ❀.°• ─ ─ ─ ─➢Aki's greatest fear is losing you too. If you are in danger, desperation overpowers him and he will do anything to save you even if he has to face you. "Don't risk yourself like this, please. I couldn't bear to see another loved one go," he would plead with tears in his eyes. You are too important for you to give your life for his. He will fight by your side but never at your expense.

The noise of the battle around us faded. All Aki could see was your pale face in his arms, your eyes narrowing as you struggled to breathe.

"No… please don't." He whispered through his tears. "Don't leave me too."

You took his hand in yours weakly, trying to smile. "I'm sorry… I made… a promise… to protect… all of you…"

"Don't say that!" shouted Aki, pressing your body against him. "You'll be fine, you'll see! Just… hold on, please"

You shook softly. "Take care… of the others… Ani/Otouto… Keep… fighting"

"Don't you dare die!" He sobbed, leaning down so that their foreheads touched, "You're the only good thing I have left…. I can't lose you to."

Your eyes slowly closed as you caressed his cheek. "I'll always… be… with you… Ani/Otouto"

With your last breath, Aki roared in pain to the sky. You lay motionless in his arms, a faint smile on your lips. From that moment on, a part of Aki died with you.

126 notes · View notes

telvess · 8 months

Note

Headcanons for all the characters including Jack since it’s based on Hamlet watching The lion king with the reader. (the original animated movie not the live action remake.)

Record Of Ragnarok Characters x Reader watching together The Lion King (headcanons) 🔞

You know, I haven’t watched The Lion King in… well I watched it once when I was kid and that’s it. Mulan, Hercules and Tarzan were my movies. Anyway I ended up watching The Lion King again to refresh my memory.

Qin

A what? Are you involved? Then Qin would agree to do anything.

He’s like a big kid - chill and carefree, even more than usually. Both of you goof around, Mr. Emperor tries to sing without knowing words, popcorn flies around, you pause a movie in stupid moments to make him laugh etc.

You get a stomachache from laughing too much and Qin obviously has to get infected.

Just two morons have time of their afterlife.

The only moment when there is silence is when Simba loses his father. That scene just hits too close to home and remains Qin about Chun Yan. However he doesn’t let it bother him too much.

HAKUNA MATATA

You both loudly encourage lions to battle.

At the end he asks what other movies you like.

Jack

Because he isn’t familiar with the concept of love and how to express it, spending time with you is probably Jack’s way to show his affection. If you ask him to watch an animated movie together, he’d politely agree, even if it’s not his thing.

Expect tea. And cheddar apple pie.

Jack sees Simba’s journey as a lovely and naive story. Deep inside he does compare himself to that lion cub and wonders what kind of person he would've become if he had only received help from strangers. On top of that Jack actually killed his parents, so it’s odd to him to see how much Simba struggles with remorse over Mufasa’s death which wasn’t his fault.

Truth to be told Jack might mentions some quotes from Shakespeare IF you point out similarities between the movie and Hamlet. These resemblances aren’t very visible. But it may be enough to start an interesting conversation.

The ending of the story may seems a bit bitter to Jack. Whoever was meant to be good, stayed good, and whoever was meant to be bad - stayed bad. Kinda depressing outcome for a man who’s trying to change himself, right? You’d have to talk about it and remind that it’s just a simplification made for children.

Now it’s time for a cuddle session.

Loki

Do you really want to do this to yourself? You’re very naive if you expect to have a fun with this guy while watching this kind of movie.

At first it’s just boring to him, but after awhile he amuses himself by coming up with new ways to destroy the show. He makes a loud comment every time the opportunity arises. For example, there is a scene where Zaku tells young Simba and Nala that they’d be married one day, to which Simba replies: No way! She’s my friend! You can hear a loud snort on the side, followed by She’s your SISTER, dumbass!

Loud chewing.

Hey, y/n, do you know that once Simba becomes the king, he will have kids with every lioness? Even his mom?

Do they have to sing all the time?

DON’T YOU DARE mention that you can see a similarity between him and hyenas or forget about chips, popcorn, whatever you two are eating.

Phew! It’s finally over. Wanna do something funny, y/n?

Adamas

Childish entertainment but once he sees that your eyes get wet with tears, he quickly agrees.

A cheerful start bores him but except tactless way of sitting, he doesn’t do anything to ruin your fun.

Even if Mufasa’s death was expected, it still hits hard Adamas. Basically catches him off guard. It remains him about his last meeting with Poseidon: his brother’s pure contempt towards him, that dead, indifferent expression of his face when he pierced Adamas with his trident, then cold surrounding body and Poseidon’s back as he walked away. But while the movie continues, a new digression haunts Adamas. He plays that scene again in his head and it hits him harder, because he realizes that he almost became Scar to Zeus.

So now he sits stiffly on his ass with a very depressed expression. One look at him is enough for you to know that you have to pause the movie and talk to a guy. At first he rejects your attempts, but very quickly ends up letting you hug him tight. Still plays a tough idiot tho…

Beelzebub

Most of the time he just sits next to you with lifeless expression.

Hakuna matata his ass.

Beelzebub secretly enjoys when you sing, but it’s really hard to catch him with a smile on his face. If you manage to do so, he reluctantly admits it. Good luck with convincing him to join you.

He doesn’t have any deeper thoughts about the movie.

If you mention that Timon and Pumba remain you Samael and Azazel, Beelzebub would just give you a dull look. After awhile he starts to notice that too and has mixed feelings about it.

Hrist

She finds this idea very sweet. It’s relaxing and enjoyable.

When Scar kills Mufasa: RAGE MODE ACTIVATION!

Since then you sit with angry Hrist who really does not like phrase hakuna matata. She starts to hate Simba for being so thoughtless.

Screams SHUT UP every time they start singing.

When Simba lets Scar leave, Hrist in heat of the moment chokes you and loudly screams how dumb he is. You wonder if it can get worse and the answer comes very quickly - Simba fights Scar on the TV screen and you fight for every breath on a couch.

Hermes

Hermes approaches the movie from a different angle: he focuses more on a soundtrack. The movie itself is simple story with moral, standard for humans’ approval.

You both consider an improvement of some songs and probably start doing it in the middle of a movie. Sorry, Simba.

Ares

Ares doesn’t care much about Mufasa’s death - it's necessary plot twist to move on with thread… but the ending kinda touches him. It's very climatic in his opinion.

He is NOT crying, okay?

Well you are. Or you pretend very convincingly so he doesn’t have to play tough boy. He has no idea…

Hades

Because he is a gentleman, your wish would be granted.

It’s animated movie but Hades drinks wine. No cola, no popcorn or other snacks. Please, have some dignity.

Hades has weird uncomfortable feeling in his chest when Scar kills his own brother. Scene just awakes something he doesn’t like to mention: conflict between Poseidon, Adamas and Zeus. Hades never could bring himself to blame any of them for how things turned out, so now he doesn’t try to look too deep into Musafa’s murder.

Afterwards he would share his honest opinion with you, almost like professional critic.

Poseidon

No expression throughout the entire movie.

Scar is pathetic.

Mufasa is pathetic.

Simba is pathetic.

Timon and Pumba aren’t even worth mentioning.

That movie proves that humans are lower forms of life.

At least you have chance to hug Poseidon. If he spends time with you, it means he demands it.

After a movie: Y/n, such entertainment is unworthy of the gods.

Leonidas

Books are better than movies. But fine, if you insist, the King of Sparta would spare some time.

The best comforter: Why are you crying? It’s fiction! It’s not even human! By the way - that lion could kill you with a single paw swing. These mfs are huge! Better him than you, hon!

He smokes so much that you have trouble seeing the TV screen.

Stop couching, hon! I can’t hear what they’re sayin’!

The moment Pumba approach, Leonidas starts talking about his love for venison.

You need truly heroic self-denial to not kick him out. The only option to get him to shut up is to kiss him. He doesn’t get why the kiss is angry but he likes it that way.

You two probably miss the ending. Leonidas thinks Simba isn’t worthy of being king anyway.

Apollo

Ah, y/n, aren’t you adorable for loving such innocent enjoyment? Of course he agrees!

You have to feed him snacks.

He sings along with the characters and makes the movie much better. You end up watching him showing off instead of the movie. Your dirty side may bait off a bit more mature show.

He knows exactly what you're doing and doesn't mind at all.

Later you might catch him humming songs from the movie.

Hello, dear. May I be your king tonight?

Rudra

Simba’s and Nala’s childhood brings nostalgia. Rudra spent his entire youth with Shiva and they were both free spirits. Watching these lion cubs brings back many funny memories.

Rudra’s favourite moment is Simba’s reunion with Nala. He gets mad if he notices you smirking.

Parvati, Kali, Durga and Shiva

You decide it’s time for girls’ night out.

None of you is focus on the movie, it’s just an addition. You mostly talk and laugh. Very loud that it may attracts Shiva.

He just sits down between you with Whatcha doin’? then proceeds to eats all the popcorn and other snacks like vacuum cleaner.

335 notes · View notes

naughtyneganjdm · 3 months

Text

Naughty or Nice - Chapter 14

Summary: The aftermath of the fight at the Greene farm and Y/N denying Negan's proposal takes place.

Characters: Negan, the reader (OC), etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51464518/chapters/134560708

Warnings: Swearing, severe angst, etc.

Notes: I'm sorry this wasn't up yesterday. I got tired and I passed out. It was a rough day. Thanks to everyone that still kept with the story. I appreciate each and every single one of you!

Twenty-four hours ago, Y/N was in the arms of the man that she loved. She was happy. She felt safe. Even though she was in pain, she felt loved and cherished. In Negan’s arms she felt more comfortable than she ever had in her life. Now? She was miserable.

This was not how Y/N thought she would be spending Christmas Eve. Alone in her apartment. Depressed and sad. Last night she was hopeful. Tonight she was miserable. Sitting in a chair in front of one of her windows that overlooked the city had her feeling more alone than she had in a very long time. Outside the snow was heavy and she felt like it fit her emotions right now. It was a vast difference from how she felt last night. Even though her father broke her, in Negan’s arms she felt far from alone.

Looking to the bottle of Cognac she had in her hand made her let out a long sigh. She probably looked ridiculous sitting in the dark alone. Having the lights off just fit her mood better. There was a darkness settling inside of her heart after what she had done today. Turning Negan down after his beautiful proposal was terrible. Did she want to marry Negan? Of course she did. Negan was everything she could have asked for and more. He was gorgeous and he made her happy. A lot of people were never that lucky to find someone that made them feel so incredibly loved and joyous. Even in the worst of times, Negan was always good at making her feel good. Yet being at her family’s home made her realize that she didn’t think she deserved all of that. After years of trying to break away from the person that her family made her believe she was, she realized that it never left her to begin with.

Turning Negan down was the hardest thing she ever had done in her life. Technically they were already engaged before but telling him no made it clear that it wasn’t real to begin with. And she hated that. She hated hurting Negan because seeing him cry like he was when she left was one of the most devastating things she had ever felt in her life. What she had done was just her trying to do the right thing. Allowing him to eventually find happiness with someone better than her is what she wanted for him.

Lifting the bottle up again, she knew that it was the same one that she had shared with Negan at the Christmas party. She hadn’t drank any of it yet, but she felt like it was in her future. Getting drunk to numb the pain was beginning to sound like the only way out of her feelings and emotions right now. Sitting alone, drunk in her woes sounded much better than being sober. Of course the fact that she shared it with Negan previously had her mind lingering back to him and it hurt. Negan was an incredible man that deserved an incredible woman. Not someone like her. No matter how much she loved him, she knew it was for the best to let him go.

Observing the buildings surrounding her, she imagined that so many families were together. Getting ready to go to sleep to prepare for their big holiday. Christmas was often about joy and family. Yet here she was all alone to herself and heart broken. Right now she just wished the world would swallow her whole.

Since she had left the farm her cell phone had been off. After everything she put up with, she didn’t want to talk to anyone. Especially if it was someone from her family. Even though she loved Annette, Beth and a few others, she just knew that she couldn’t handle talking to them. So much happened that just made her feel like the worst person on the planet and it was for the best to just shut the rest of the world out.

Even thinking about everything that happened had her mind lingering to Glenn. If Glenn was really as upset about things as he claimed to be, he would have come home back to the apartment. He would have found a way. Yet, here she was. Alone. There were no doubts that Glenn was still at her family’s home likely starting a life with Maggie. Why wouldn’t he be? Love was mentioned several times there so it was clear he was in love with her older sister.

It wasn’t so much that he was in love with Maggie that upset her. It was the lack of remorse for it. There was no jealousy or really anger from it. To be fair, she never really loved Glenn. Glenn was not the man that she wanted to spend forever with. He was her friend. Probably her best friend. So, even his actions based on that alone were upsetting. Maybe he tried to call her? Maybe he didn’t. Regardless, the things he also said and did weren’t that of someone who truly cared for her either. So much time was wasted with her worrying about hurting Glenn’s feelings. Yet, the moment he found something better, Glenn eagerly jumped ship and didn’t care.

With everything going on, she had no doubt that Negan had called her. It shattered her to know that because he was trying his best. But she couldn’t face Negan or talk to him right now. It would just hurt too much. For both of them.

A soft knocking sound was heard. Originally, she thought it was just movement from another apartment until it repeated. That was definitely a knock at her door. Gazing back over her shoulder, Y/N let out a grunt. Maybe with the lights off, the person would take the hint that she wasn’t home and leave. At least she hoped they would. She wasn’t in a very talkative mood. But there it was again. Another knock. This time it was louder and determined for her to hear it. Slouching down further in the chair, she felt a lump developing in her throat. Answering that door was the last thing she wanted to do.

“Hello?” a familiar voice called out and amongst the silence. It made her heart skip a beat. Clutching tightly to the neck of the bottle, she sat forward in the chair and sighed. She knew that voice. Setting the bottle down next to the chair on the ground, she bit at her bottom lip and determined her next move. “I know you’re in there Y/N. I asked the doorman if you were here and he told me that you were. He’s the one that let me up here. So please open the door.”

“Fuck,” she scoffed hating that she was even debating not answering the door. Once the next knock was heard, she slowly stood from her seat. This was a case where she couldn’t not answer the door. Heading over toward the door, she was sluggish in the way that she moved. Depression had taken its toll on her. Probably her crying too. It had brought forth an exhaustion and weakness into her that she couldn’t describe. If she would have known what was good for her, she would have been in bed right now trying to sleep it off, but she wasn’t.

“I hear you moving around in there, so please…just open the door,” the voice begged once more from the other side. Was she really making that much noise? Flicking the lights on, she heard another knock and shook her head.

“I’m coming,” she assured them with a sigh, finally getting to the door. Undoing the lock, she pulled the door open. Being met by the familiar set of hazel eyes had her clutching onto the knob and the doorframe at the same time releasing a long exhale deep from within her. “Beau? What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to talk to you,” Beau pulled the hood of his jacket down, his cheeks a rose color from the snowstorm that he had obviously been in. Tugging at the hat he was wearing, Beau shoved it into the pocket of his jacket. Slicking his hair back, Beau tried to straighten his dark hair that had gotten messed. Shifting on his feet, Beau seemed nervous at first before pushing his hands into his pockets. “Thank you for opening the door. I was wondering if you were going to ignore me.”

“I’d never ignore you,” she whispered, reaching out to brush her fingers in over Beau’s cheek to feel the coolness of his rosy cheeks against her touch. It had Beau’s long eyelashes coming to a close and she sighed. Brushing her fingers through Beau’s dark hair, she stepped out in the hallway to see that Beau was alone. “Is your father here?”

Upon her question, Beau’s hazel eyes grew wide and he cleared his throat uneasily, “About that…”

“Beau?” she tipped her head to the side realizing that he was avoiding the question.

“We were at home in the apartment, watching movies…” Beau began, throwing his hands up in the air when he spoke. “I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I got Erin to distract him. I told him I was going to go grab something from the kitchen and…I snuck out.”

“Beau! Your father must be worried sick about you,” she commented, grasping tightly to the doorknob. Mirroring his father’s expressions, Beau tipped his head from side to side and let out a long sigh.

“Not really,” Beau’s face scrunched up, his lips parting when he contemplated what she said. A dramatic expression flooded his young features, his eyebrows bouncing up. “Okay, that’s a lie. He was furious with me for taking off.”

“I can imagine,” she noted, folding her arms in front of her chest, resting her shoulder against the doorframe. “It’s hard to believe that he wouldn’t demand you to come home.”

“Listen, he called. A lot. He wanted to know where I was, but I wouldn’t tell him,” Beau explained to her, his words coming out almost in a whisper like he was afraid to admit this all to her. “I just told him that I was safe and that I would be home soon.”

Giving Beau a worried glance, she reached out to place her hand in over his shoulder. Stepping aside, she held her hand up in the air motioning Negan’s son into her apartment. Moving slowly, Beau stepped inside with her closing the door behind them. Leading him toward the kitchen, she placed her hand in over his shoulder motioning him toward the table. Pulling out a seat for him, she got Beau to sit down and he stared up at her with his big, hazel eyes.

“You’re freezing,” she commented, brushing her fingers in over the side of his face again. Shaking her head, she moved over toward the cupboard to pull out a mug. Setting it down on the counter, she went over to another part of the kitchen. Grabbing some items for hot chocolate, she immediately started to make him something warm. Glancing back at Beau, she noticed that his eyes were hooked on her watching her every movement. “I assume you are okay with hot chocolate?”

“Of course,” Beau whispered, placing his hands on top of the table.

“Do you want anything in your hot chocolate? Marshmallows? Whipped Cream? Peppermint? Sprinkles?” she asked, bracing her hand on the counter while she put together the hot chocolate for him in a pot on the stove. A smirk tugged at Beau’s features and he shrugged his shoulders. “What?”

“It’s nothing,” Beau shook his head, rubbing his hands together in attempts to get some warmth into them. “Surprise me.”

“Sure thing,” she went back into her cupboards to grab something else. “Why would you run away on your dad like that?”

“You have to ask?” Beau muttered, his eyes narrowing when she looked back at him. “He’s miserable Y/N. He’s doing his best to be there for us, as he always does, but I’m not stupid. We all go get a ring together for you and he comes home looking heart broken. It doesn’t take much for me to realize what happened.”

Hearing that drew a breath from her throat and she clutched tightly to the mug that she had grabbed for Beau, “I wanted to talk to you. I needed to talk to you,” Beau corrected himself with a sigh, shrugging his shoulders when he adjusted in the chair that he was in. “I knew that if I told him what I was doing, he wouldn’t let me go. He’d tell me to leave you alone. But I just…I couldn’t do that.”

“How did you even know where I lived?” she wondered, pouring the hot chocolate into the mug. Grabbing some whipped cream from the fridge, she put some on top before topping it off with chocolate sprinkles. Setting it down on the table before Beau had a small smile tugging at his lips when he looked to it. “I put some peppermint extract into it to make it more…Christmas like?”

“Thank you,” Beau accepted the mug, pulling it in closer to him on the table. Lifting it carefully, he took a small sip of the hot liquid. Lowering it made Y/N smirk when the whipped cream covered his top lip from his first sip. Grabbing a napkin for him, she slid it across the top of the table while she lowered down in the seat before him at the table. Cleaning his face off, Beau let out a hesitant laugh before stroking his fingers over the mug she gave him. “I found your address online. You can find pretty much anything on the internet if you know how to look.”

“Touché,” she agreed with him knowing that he was right. Beau took another cautious sip of the hot chocolate, getting comfortable in his seat. Once Beau set his mug down, he felt her hand sliding in over his and he lowered his stare. “You’re still freezing.”

“I’ll be okay,” Beau assured her hearing the worry in her voice. “I’ve got the hot chocolate to warm me up. I’ll just hold onto the cup.”

“You shouldn’t have come out here in the storm Beau,” she pointed out, feeling Beau’s fingers hooking with hers. “Is your father’s place even close to here?”

“Not really,” Beau was honest with her, thinking about how long it took him to get here. By the expression over her face, Beau knew that she was upset with his answer. “I had to do it Y/N. I needed to talk to you and it couldn’t wait.”

“How did you get here Beau?” she inquired, brushing his dark hair back behind his ear. Bringing the mug to his lips, Beau took a long sip of the hot chocolate that she made for him. It was obvious that he was trying to avoid the question. “Beau?”

“It’s complicated,” Beau whispered when he lowered the mug back down. There was an innocence in his eyes when he looked back to her.

“You sound so much like your father,” she acknowledged, leaning back in her chair. An ache grew at the center of her chest thinking about how she had Negan’s son sitting with her in her apartment when he should have been home with his family.

“I got dad to talk to me about what happened with you Y/N. I know that you told him no when it came to marrying him,” Beau conceded to what he knew and it made her let out a saddened sound. “And I don’t understand why. You told my dad yes originally. The two of you were already engaged. I know you want to be with my dad. So why tell him no this time? Especially since you might be pregnant.”

“I’m not pregnant Beau,” she interrupted Beau’s thoughts noticing that he seemed confused by it. “Your dad and I really only were trying for two days.”

“That’s still two days,” Beau reminded her with a huff, “You don’t know if you are pregnant or not. But regardless, it’s still not answering my question. You said yes to marrying my dad. So much so that you two planned to have a baby together. So why suddenly have those emotions changed Y/N?”

“Because things have changed since that day Beau. That time in the woods wasn’t exactly official,” she thought of the first thing she could. But god. That sounded awful when she thought about it. A lump was growing in her throat the more she thought about it. With Beau’s hazel eyes on her, she didn’t exactly know what to say. “It’s adult stuff.”

“Come on,” Beau scoffed, his eyebrows furrowing showing that he hated that response. “I’m thirteen years old. I’m not a baby. I think I understand things more than most adults do.”

Beau reached or his mug to wrap his fingers back around it to warm himself up, “Don’t do that to me. You’ve always been honest with me. Don’t stop now.”

Hearing that took her breath away and she nodded, “Because I think your father deserves better than me. You saw what happened with my family when we were at the farm. It’s because of me everything happened. I can only imagine that the same thing will happen to your family if I’m in it. And I don’t want that to happen to your family. Sometimes if you love something, you have to let it go.”

“No, I don’t think that’s true,” Beau countered, his young features scrunching up after her answer. It surprised her that he was willing to shut her down that fast. “Anyone with eyes could see that all the drama came from your family. You were just doing your best in a situation that you were destined to fail at because the people you were fighting to get the love from were never willing to give it.”

Yeah, that last sentence was incredibly deep for a thirteen-year-old boy, but he wasn’t wrong, “Do you know what gaslighting is Y/N? because your family is a perfect example of it.”

“I…I know what gaslighting is, Beau,” she responded back with a frown, brushing her fingers over her forehead knowing that it was something that Negan had said a few times.

“Then how can you not see that is what your family did to you?” Beau pushed, sliding his chair in closer to her at the table. “I understand why you are feeling the way you do. It’s hard to have the person that is meant to love you treating you the way your father does. Abuse effects everyone differently and I’m trying to understand that, but you have to know that you are not the problem. You were never the problem. Deep down, you know that.”

Lowering her head, Y/N swallowed down hard and Beau leaned forward, “I think it scares you to be happy because you have no idea what it feels like. For the first time in your life, you knew what it was like to be happy with my dad. To not feel alone and I think that scared you because you have always been alone. You got used to it. You let the loneliness become part of you and you got scared. You let that voice inside of your head become your father. You let it tell you all the awful things that he did growing up and you decided to believe it. But that voice? It’s not real. You have to shut it out because you are not your father. You will never be him.”

Tears burned at her eyes hearing Negan’s thirteen-year-old getting emotional the more that he spoke to her, “How old are you again? Because you sure as hell don’t sound thirteen.”

“I had to grow up fast Y/N,” Beau explained, his raspy voice hitching with his eyes burning. “You think you’re a bad person. You think you don’t deserve happiness, but what was the first thing you did when I got here? You took me into your kitchen, sat me down and got me a hot chocolate to warm me up. Your first thought was to take care of me. It’s the most…mom coded thing that someone could do.”

“Beau,” she half smiled that he was going to bat for her, much like he always did since she met him. “I did what was right. Anybody would do the same thing.”

“No. No they wouldn’t,” Beau denied that thought, sliding his hand across the table to place it over hers in a supportive grasp. “Other than my dad, there is only one person in this world that would do what you just did for me and that was my mom.”

After talking about Lucille, Beau’s lips parted and he let out a tiny whimper that he clearly didn’t want to when his mom came to his mind, “I’ve experienced a lot of this world Y/N and I’ve never found someone I’ve connected with like I have you. We’re so much alike. You and I.”

“Beau, we’re so vastly different too,” she confessed and he let out a hesitant breath. Beau was so much purer than she ever thought she was.

“Yeah, because I was given a chance you never were,” Beau retorted with a frown recalling everything he knew about her family. “I’m a positive example of how things can be when people are depressed because I had a support system. I have a support system. Something you never did.”

It was amazing how a teenager understood her life so much more than most people did. A long exhale fell from her throat with Beau’s fingers curling tighter around hers, “If someone would have loved you the way you were meant to be loved when you were my age, you wouldn’t have had to feel this way. Why won’t you allow yourself the chance to finally be loved that way?”

“Beau, I appreciate what you are doing here, but we need to call your dad. Do you have any idea what time it is?” she tried to avoid this whole thing, looking back over her shoulder to see the time. Getting up from the table, she reached for her phone that was plugged in on the counter. “We need to get you home.”

“I love you,” Beau stammered, pushing the seat back when he let out a whimpering sound. It made Y/N turn on her heel to stare out at him and he shrugged. “Not in the way that my dad loves you. That would be creepy. I love you in the way that…someone loves a mom. Or a potential mom. It wasn’t just my dad that fell in love with you. Because I love you too. And I think you feel the same way about me. Which is why it doesn’t make sense why you are doing this to yourself. Why you’re doing this to us.”

“Beau,” she frowned hearing him start to cry. Moving forward, she lowered down before him and knelt on her knees. Reaching out, she stroked her fingers in over the side of his face attempting to comfort him. “Of course I love you. How couldn’t I love you? You are the most amazing young man I’ve ever known.”

Hearing his cries continue, Y/N lifted up and felt his arms wrapping around her tightly to hug her. Hushing him, she stroked her fingers through his dark hair and felt her heart breaking, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you. That is the one thing I wanted to avoid more than anything.”

“And you thought by taking the one person I’ve connected with the most since my mom passed away would be the way to do that?” Beau’s bottom lip tremored when he pulled back enough to stare out at her. “You didn’t just have my dad falling in love with you Y/N. I did too. And I don’t think it’s fair that you are letting your family take us away from you and you away from us. Because all of us are miserable Y/N.”

It broke her heart to hear that. What she was doing she thought was best for Negan and his family, but hearing how broken Beau was over everything hurt.

“I know you think you don’t belong with my dad…with us,” Beau started with a broken breath, “But I’m certain that my mother sent you to be with us. That you were meant to find my dad because…she knew that me and my dad…we were both broken. That we both needed someone like you in our lives.”

Motioning her to wait, Beau took out his wallet and stood from the table. Pulling out the drawing that Y/N had done for Beau had a breath catching in her throat seeing that he had kept it. When they talked in the past, he told her that he carried two notes with him always. One from his mother and another from his father. Seeing that she was added to the notes took her breath away. Grabbing one of those other notes from his wallet, Beau unfolded it, put it down on the table and pointed between both of them.

“To Beau, your heart shines brighter than the sun. Never stop being you because you are one in a million. You’re a shining star in the night sky,” Beau read what she had written to him with the drawing when they had spent time together that first time. Pointing to the note that was a little more withered, Beau shook his head and let out a whimpering breath. “My sweet Beau, your heart shines brighter than the sun. Never let that leave you because you are one in a million. You’re my shining star and never stop shining.”

Beau’s hand dropped at his side, the tears sliding down his face harder after he read both things to her. A shuddering breath fell from her throat after hearing Beau compare both things. Dramatically Beau pointed between both her drawing and the note from his mother, “If that’s not a fucking sign, I don’t know what is.”

Wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand, Beau stared out at Y/N and bit down on his bottom lip, “I know you’re not her. I know that. I’m smart enough to know that. I’m old enough to not be that stupid, but I think my mom is out there somewhere. Maybe she’s one of the stars out in there in the sky. I think she saw that I was broken. That dad was broken. And I think she found you and she brought us together. Even if it was in a way that you consider wrong, it happened for a reason. You were meant to find my dad. You were meant to find me.”

Shakily reaching her hand out, Y/N hooked her fingers with Beau’s and he instinctively grasped a tight hold of them, “I saw my mom die, Y/N. She died in my father’s arms holding onto my hand,” Beau thought back on the hardest moment of his life. “My father has always been the strongest man I’ve ever known. But that day? I watched him break down. I’ve never seen him cry like that. And he wouldn’t let go of her. It took a long time before he was finally willing to let her go,” Beau was sobbing and she didn’t know what she could do to make everything better other than to listen. “That night I watched the light in him disappear. My dad was broken hearted and there was no fixing it. It was gone. And it was gone from me too. But I tried to hide it the best I could. My mother asked me to watch over him before she died, so I did. I held it in. And I never saw that light return to him, until I saw him with you. Something I never thought I would see again with my father, I saw when he was with you.”

Not crying was impossible when Y/N looked down at the ground, “And you did it for me too. I felt like I finally had a mother again. That’s how I knew my mom had to have a hand in this. She knew you were hurting and you needed us just as much as we needed you,” Beau insisted, placing his other hand over Y/N’s too. “So if you love me, if you love my dad…how could you possibly think this is the best option Y/N? I don’t care what your family has told you. I don’t care what that voice in your head tells you because it’s wrong. We love you. And we both need you. So much.”

Instead of responding, Y/N moved forward to wrap Beau up in her arms feeling his tears soaking her shirt the longer than she held onto him, “I do love you Beau, very much. But I don’t know how your father would feel after I told him no to his proposal. I can only imagine how much pain I’ve put him through.”

“He’s head over heels in love with you,” Beau tipped his head back, allowing her to brush away his tears while she stared down at him. “The pain of not having you in his life is worse than you telling him no. I’m not trying to guilt you into doing what I want Y/N, I just need you to see how important you are. How important you are to my dad. How important you are to me.”

“I know baby,” she hushed him hating that he thought she may have even considered that. “I know you wouldn’t do that.”

“You do want to be with my dad, right?” Beau confirmed, drawing her to lean back and let out a shuddering breath. “Because you told him yes when he asked you to marry him the first time. I still think you want to marry him. I still think you love him and you want to be with him.”

“Of course I do, Beau,” she was truthful with her answer. Negan was everything she wanted and more. She just hadn’t felt like she was good enough for him. “I love your father more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I told you, the only place I’ve ever felt like I’ve belonged is with you and your dad.”

“Then come home with me. Tell him how you feel,” Beau suggested, shaking his head and squeezing her hands in his tighter. “I know that he will be accepting of everything because he loves you. I love you. Please?”

Right when she was about to answer, she heard the sound of a knock and Beau did his best to reach up to wipe at his face to get the tears away, “Beau?”

“There’s something else,” Beau announced motioning her to wait. A sudden rush of nervousness flooded his body and she couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was. “I really hope you don’t get mad at me for this. You see, dad was really distracted today. Even though he was doing his best, I was able to get away to my room for a while and I called someone. I got them to come pick me up and they are the person that brought me here. They couldn’t find a parking spot, so I just hopped out when we got here and left them to find a spot to park. I wanted to talk to you first. Alone.”

Tipping her head to the side, Y/N watched Beau moving away from her and heading for the door to pull it open. There was a sinking feeling in her gut when she saw Hershel moving toward the entrance of the kitchen. Beau closed the door and moved around Hershel to return to Y/N. Lowering her head, she didn’t know how to respond to her father being there.

Hershel looked between the both of them, sliding his hands into his pockets. It was obvious that both Beau and Y/N had been crying and he wasn’t sure what to say.

“I take it I missed something big?” Hershel concluded as Beau moved in beside Y/N. Grabbing a hold of Y/N’s hand, Hershel knew that Beau was incredibly protective of his middle daughter. With a nod, Beau stood his ground almost declaring in his body language that he was there to protect her. After a minute, Y/N lifted her head, her eyes locking with her father’s. It seemed like Hershel wanted to say something, but he stopped. Pointing over toward Beau, Hershel cleared his throat and sighed loudly. “This young man loves you a lot. I hope you know that.”

“I do,” she spoke softly, standing up from the chair that she was in. Wrapping her arm around Beau’s shoulders, she pulled him in closer to her and gave him a tight squeeze. “And I love him too.”

“Good,” Hershel uttered, giving a firm nod. “It’s good that the both of you have each other.”

They stood silent for a moment. Hershel was motionless, his eyes dropping to the ground when he shifted slightly before them. Taking in a long, shallow breath Hershel nodded toward the living room that he saw in the distance, “Do you think that we can sit and talk for a minute?”

“Sure,” she didn’t know how to respond to things when Hershel moved from her kitchen into her living room. Beau grabbed his letters from the table that he had pulled out so he could put them back into his wallet. Leading Y/N toward the living room, Beau looked up at Y/N with tears still in his eyes. “Just hear him out. If he upsets you, I’ll kick him out myself.”

“Okay,” she faintly smiled, brushing her fingers through Beau’s hair and moving over toward the couch with Beau. Taking a seat, she realized that Beau sat close to her making sure to show her that he was still going to be her support system no matter what. That was never anything she questioned. Beau was always there for her and that was never going to change.

“This is a really nice view,” Hershel spoke, heading over toward the large window that looked over the city. With a nervous nod, Y/N wondered what her father was really doing there anyways. “You did really good for yourself Y/N.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, still having a hard time looking at Hershel. The only reason she wasn’t losing it was because of Beau. Obviously, this was something that was meaningful to Beau, so she was going to hear her father out for that reason alone. “What are you doing here Hershel?”

“Well, I was at home. There was a big family meeting going down when this young man called me,” Hershel explained pointing over to Beau who looked to Y/N with his big eyes. “He asked me not to talk and to listen to him. So I listened for once in my life. I listened to everything he had to say. It was a long conversation with some back and forth. We hung up. I spent some time alone in the kitchen and it didn’t take long for me to think about what he said. I called him back, I drove out here to the city and I picked him up. We drove here together, he took off while I parked and that’s pretty much it.”

“Not to be rude,” she started, her head tipping from side to side, “that just explains the steps of how you got here. Not why you’re here Hershel.”

Hershel’s expression showed that he was surprised that she called him out on that point, but it was true. Sure, it was a good lead up, but there had to be more of a reason why he was there.

“I owe you some explanations,” Hershel began, heading over toward the seat that was across from Beau and Y/N. In his body language, it showed that he was uncomfortable and it was strange to see from her father. Usually, Hershel didn’t care about anything, but to see him uneasy was not a sight that she was used to. “And I’m going to do my best giving them to you,” Hershel tried to gather himself, hooking his fingers together. “I think you know some of this, but it’s important to things. When I was younger, my father was very abusive. I hated him. He was an alcoholic and it ruined our family. The second I could get away, I did. My father was a cold man. Always mocked me for having a love for animals, but I didn’t care. When I was gone, I became a veterinarian because it’s what I wanted. And hell I did it just to spite him. Kind of like you with your art.”

“Yeah,” Y/N breathed out, she knew this information. It was something she had only heard somewhat about, but it was something more so directed at Maggie. Hershel always let Maggie know that the reason he stopped drinking was for her.

“You and I were a lot alike when we were younger,” Hershel informed her, giving a shrug knowing that she would probably hate hearing that. “Only when we were younger though. We both had our fathers that were unbearable and we desperately wanted to get away. Prove to them that we could be what we wanted without judgement.”

It hurt being compared to her father, but he wasn’t wrong. From what he talked about when it came to his father, their pasts did sound very similar. Especially with them wanting to do what they loved and escaping so they could.

“When my father was dying on his death bed, I came back to that farm. I saw what he became and I vowed to never be like him,” Hershel thought back on his past, his words coming out shaken because he was visibly trying to hold himself together. “I had become an alcoholic in that time away from him. It was the best way I could deal with all the pain I felt because of him growing up. Hell, it was kind of in my blood to become an alcoholic. The day I saw him on his deathbed is the day that I vowed to stop drinking because I never wanted to be like him. Especially after I found out about Maggie. I didn’t want to have my family growing up the way that I did.”

A tremoring breath fell from her lips when she dropped her head down. That sounded very familiar to her, but from her own point of view and it hurt hearing that come from Hershel’s own mouth considering everything that Hershel put her through.

“I thought I had the perfect life. I was married to Josephine, we had Maggie and everything felt right in the world until she got sick. When she got sick, it was the hardest thing I had ever had to experience in my life,” Hershel recalled back on his life, his eyes lifting to Y/N’s to show that he was emotional. “I had this little girl that I had to take care of and I knew that her mother was dying. And when she did? It broke me.”

Even though these were things that they knew growing up in their family, they were never things they really touched on. Hershel wasn’t always open with his emotions. In fact, he was rather cold when it came to him opening up. When it came to loving Maggie and Beth, he was mostly warm to them, but never when it came to getting deep about feelings.

“I never thought I would fall in love again. And because of that, I fell. I was so close to drinking again because I remembered what it was like when I was younger. I remembered how it helped to ease the pain that I had when I thought about my past with my father,” Hershel declared, holding his hands out as if drawing together his thoughts from the past. “It was a while after Josephine had passed. I wasn’t doing good. I was a single father. Maggie was sad. I was failing in all the areas that I should have been thriving with, but it was hard. It was really hard. So one night, I went to a bar. Maggie was in bed and I left her alone. I should have never done that, but your sister was a deep sleeper when she was younger. I knew I’d be fine until morning…”

Hershel took a moment to stop and catch himself. Lowering his hand, Hershel rubbed it against his knee and raised his gaze. Both Beau and Y/N were listening to him intently. Neither one broke from him and it was strange that both of them were actually giving him a chance to explain things after everything that they had been through.

“That night was the night I met your mother,” Hershel explained to Y/N seeing her posture change once he finally mentioned her mother to her. “I hadn’t been to a bar in a very long time. So everyone there was a stranger for me. I was deep in my sorrows and I had gone to the bar. I took a seat and almost immediately I had spotted your mother. People were drawn to her. She was standing by this jukebox. There was a light on her and like I said, she was hard to miss. With her smile and her energy. Even the way the room was lit, it was like it almost brought the attention directly to her. But of course she was surrounded by other people. People were always drawn to your mother.”

Noticing that Y/N seemed to tense up, Beau squeezed his fingers around hers and gave her a small nudge. This was everything that she wanted and more growing up, it was just hard hearing it for the first time.

“I was about to drink. The bartender put it right in front of me and when I was about to take my first sip, someone fell right on top of me,” Hershel chuckled, shaking his head while deep in recollection of his memories. “The drink spilled all over me and the person who fell on me was your mother. You see, your mother was wearing a new dress that day and she tripped over it. Even though it was her that fell, she ripped me a new one for spilling that drink all over the both of us. She was a spitfire.”

There was something that changed in Hershel’s features when he sighed loudly and reached up to rub at the back of his neck, “We bickered back and forth. But God, she was so beautiful just standing there lecturing me. I thought she was my guardian angel. A sign sent from God to show me that I wasn’t supposed to have that drink. I tried telling her that, but she didn’t want to listen to me. I guess she was on a date that was going horrible at the time and she just wanted to get the hell out of there. I followed her out of that bar like a lost puppy, just trying to get her to listen to me.”

“And she fell for it?” she wondered watching the smile tug at Hershel’s lips.

“Nope, she told me to screw off,” Hershel declared with another laugh, his face having a light shade of pink flooding into it. “Before she did that, I told her everything. I told her about my past, why I was there and how I thought she was my guardian angel. Of course doing that meant I told her about my alcoholism and she wanted nothing to do with me. Why would she? I had a lot of baggage in my life and someone like her didn’t need all of that. I thought I would never see her again after that night. Maybe she was just put there to stop me from having that drink. So I went home back to Maggie and made sure to make a promise to myself that I would never drink again. I even threw away the clothes so Maggie wouldn’t be able to smell that.”

There was a silence between them when Hershel looked down at the ground again, “At that time I was very careful with your sister. See, Maggie was like Beau. She lost her mother too. She was younger than Beau, but it did something to her. So I was always protective of her,” Hershel claimed, lifting his gaze to both Beau and Y/N. “After Josephine died, Maggie just wasn’t…right. I think we all know that your sister is, I don’t know the word. A bit reckless maybe?”

“Hershel,” Beau muttered his name trying to get him to focus on what he wanted him to talk about since it seemed like Hershel was getting distracted.

“I’m getting there son,” Hershel assured Beau with a frown, holding his hands up to motion him to wait. While they agreed that losing her mother was hard for Maggie and they understood him being protective of her, it was getting away from the point he was really there for. “I took your sister to a fair that was in town one night. While we were there, we ran into your mother again. She was there with her godson and she was so good to your sister. I was smitten with her almost immediately. I knew when I saw her interacting with Maggie that I had to have her, so I asked her out on a date. She reluctantly agreed, but she was cautious. I think the only reason she said yes to me was that she fell in love with Maggie and liked the way that I was with her.”

Maggie was young, so it was likely that she never remembered much about her mother, but God Y/N wished that she would have. It would have been nice hearing things about her mother from Maggie because it sounded like Maggie actually had gotten to experience love, real love from her mother. If even for a short time.

“We went on our first date and I proclaimed my love for her at the end of the night. I asked her to marry me almost immediately. It was there. That special thing that I had with Josephine. I felt it. I know she did too, but she knew about my past. I was honest with her from the start and no matter how many times I asked her to marry me, she wouldn’t,” Hershel continued on with his story, biting at his bottom lip when he paused to think things out. “But it didn’t stop us from being together. She fought it, but you can’t stop real love. Can you?”

A tiny smirk tugged at Y/N’s lips hearing him say that as he continued, “Eventually she got pregnant with you and she was scared. She had lost her parents a long time ago and she didn’t have a lot of family, but I promised I would take care of her. That I loved her and I would always take care of her,” Hershel’s eyes started to tear over and, in that moment, she could actually sense the pain in her father’s tone. “God she was so excited to have you. Always writing down names in books that she wanted if you were a boy or girl. And when she went into labor, she finally agreed to marrying me. I was so happy. I felt like the luckiest man alive. I was in love with someone perfect. She really was perfect. I had a beautiful daughter and a beautiful new baby girl. I couldn’t have been happier.”

This story was not the one that she was used to. It was completely different and hearing it for the first time had chills running down her spine. Goosebumps covered her arms and she didn’t know if she should say something or just keep listening.

“We brought you home and everything was perfect up until you were about nine months old,” Hershel’s voice got raspier, his body becoming stiffer when the worst part of his memories returned to him. “Your mother started feeling run down. She never sat still that woman. Always on the run, always helping other people. I just thought she wasn’t getting enough sleep. And then she went to the doctors…”

It was then she heard the hurt sound escape Hershel’s throat and he lowered his head down, “your mother was sick. With the same…exact…thing that kill Maggie’s mother. There was nothing that could be done. We couldn’t stop it from happening. How does that happen? Two women in a row getting sick from the same thing? It didn’t make sense. I wanted to believe that a miracle would happen because it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that I found love again and she was going…she was going to leave me. Just like Josephine.”

Leaning back on the couch, Y/N felt her throat tightening hearing what it was that finally did kill her mother in the end.

“This time it was fast. Not like Josephine. At least with Maggie, she got time to be with her mother. The sickness, it took your mother so fast. She was one of the strongest people I knew and she was always going, but it took her so fast. You were so young. The last thing she made me do was promise to take care of you,” Hershel thought back on Y/N’s mother showing that he was truly shaken up by the idea of losing her. “You don’t understand. I loved her, so much. I fell so hard. I thought I had found two soulmates in my life. And then the world took her away from me. I was broken. So broken,” Hershel tried to explain, pulling himself to the edge of the seat so he could look more directly at Y/N. “Even though I said I never would, I started drinking again.”

A sense of shock flooded her veins. Hershel always insisted that he stayed away from alcohol once he learned about Maggie, but to hear that he had lost his way in the time after her mother passed away had really shaken her up.

“I had two little girls at home waiting for me. The thought of her destroyed me. It broke me in two. I realized that the problem had to be me. I was poison. How could the two women that I fell in love with die of the same exact thing?” Hershel emphasized his words, tears sliding down his face when the two women he lost were remembered. And he wasn’t wrong. That was incredibly bad luck. “Then I started thinking, if I would have never approached your mother, maybe she would be still alive. Maybe she would still be here if she didn’t get with me.”

Beau’s arm hooked tighter around Y/N’s when he could see that she was getting more upset listening to her father talk about her mother. Looking to Beau, she felt her throat tensing up and Beau laid his head on her shoulder.

“I was drowning and no one was there to take care of my babies. I had a friend tell me it was time to wake up, so I had to do the one thing that would keep me alive for the two of you. And that was erase the memory of her. It was the only thing I thought I could do to help carry on. I tried setting everything on fire that reminded me of her, but I couldn’t do it. I loved her too much. Instead, I went up to the attic and I put those things there for years. Even if I wrote her off, she was still there in the back of my mind,” Hershel pointed toward Beau since he was the one that found the things that Y/N had approached Hershel about. It wasn’t the best excuse, but it made sense in how closed off from emotions her father was. Seeing her father crying was new for her. It was rare and it was a sight she never thought she would see. Especially when it came to her mother. “It was the only way to keep myself from falling again. I was so afraid of getting too close to someone because of how they always ended up sick. Annette I just got lucky with. When I was failing, she was there to pick up the pieces and take care of you girls. She’s put up with my shit for so long.”

Tears still lingered in her eyes when Hershel frowned, “I know I’ve not been a good father to you. You look so much like her Y/N. It hurts looking at you because I’m reminded all the time of the love that I lost. The woman that saved me…the woman that died because of me.”

“You didn’t make her sick,” Y/N interrupted her father knowing that if she died from the same thing that Josephine died from, there was nothing that he could have done to cause it. “That was just really bad, unfortunate luck, but it wasn’t your fault.”

“Isn’t it though? How does that happen?” Hershel looked to Y/N for an answer, her lips parting, but she had nothing more to say. Hell, if it was her in his position, she would have thought the same thing. That it was her fault. She just knew that she would have never taken it out on her child like Hershel did. “I thought I would lose you girls. I thought I would lose Annette. I know I’m poison. I’m no good. I wanted to so desperately be what my father wasn’t and I was so blind because my pain drew me to become just like him in many ways for you. I always knew you were going to leave me. You were so much like your mother. So independent. And it just made me cold. You looked like her, you acted like her and I just couldn’t handle it. That’s no excuse. I know it’s not, but I was so afraid that you were going to leave me that I broke myself off from you. It was wrong. I know that. I just did what I thought was the best way to keep myself from being my father and it’s not what I should have done. I should have let your mother live on through me and you. Instead, I erased her because I was scared. Scared that I would break down and leave you girls with nothing. So I made the wrong choice. It was very wrong, but you saw those photos.”

“I did,” she looked to the booklet that was sitting on the table in the distance and she agreed with him, she did look like her mother. Hershel was crying and Y/N was doing her best to be strong even though everything hurt to hear. “Thank you for telling me.”

“If there is such a thing as an afterlife, your mother is going to kick my ass when I finally meet my end,” Hershel proclaimed with a frown, reaching to wipe at his face. “I don’t expect you to ever forgive me Y/N. After this long, I should have been able to man up and be honest with you. I just convinced myself that if I allowed myself the time to grieve, I would become what I was so scared of being all over again. Just to make the pain stop. Because every time I think of your mother, I feel that pain…”

Hershel raised his hand up to place it over the center of his chest, his bottom lip quivering showing that he was emotional in the moment, “So I let you believe the lies I told. I even wanted to believe them myself so I didn’t have to face that pain again. It’s no excuse, but I am so very sorry. I know you won’t believe me, but I do love you. I just didn’t want what happened to your mother to happen to you. When we fought and you left…when you never came back, I just shut down that part of me like I did your mother. Instead of facing my feelings and taking on the pain, I was so cold to everything. I was just afraid of being hurt, so when the idea of pain reoccurred, I just tried to erase everything. And it was the wrong decision. I wish I could go back and change it, but I can’t. You were the last bit I had left of your mother and I lost you. This time it was completely my own fault.”

“Dad,” she breathed out watching when he stood up and moved before her. Hershel lowered down, reaching out to shakily cup her face in his hands. A loud exhale fell from her throat because she was not used to this kind of affection from the man knelt down before her.

“Your mother would be very proud of the person that you became. You’re none of the things that I’ve said. I’m just a mean old man that is angry that you left me and never looked back. I just never realized it was all my fault that it happened,” Hershel declared, his own words coming out shaken while he spoke to her. “I am so sorry. I know the mistake is mine and mine alone. I’m proud of who you are and what you have done. I should have been there every step of the way encouraging you and helping you instead of shutting down like I did.”

At this point, she was a mess when Hershel moved in to wrap his arms around her to hug her. It was the first time in her life she had ever heard him say something like that to her and she knew it was a big deal because of everything that happened, “I don’t want you gone from my life. I want you in my life because you are my daughter and I should have been showing you the love you deserved your whole life. I am so sorry that I didn’t.”

Forgiving him would be hard because of all the pain she went through her whole life, but this was a start. She just needed to know that he really meant it.

Pulling back, Hershel brushed her hair behind her ear and frowned, “Then this boy calls me and tells me that you turned his father down to a marriage proposal because you are torturing yourself over me,” Hershel recalled what had happened with Beau during their conversation, “If there is one thing I can tell you honey, it’s not to let that happen. I may not like Negan’s approach, but the things he said to me that day when he was upset with me in the attic, it’s exactly what I would want a man to say if he loved my daughter. That Negan loves you and if you learned anything from what I told you today, it’s that you can’t waste a minute if you truly love someone. Your mother was so scared about marrying me that we never did it and I regret every minute of it. I lost the woman I loved twice, don’t give up real love. Not when it’s there right in front of you.”

Looking to Beau, Y/N could see that his eyes were still damp from the crying that they had done and he was emotional with her being upset as well.

“What I’ve seen from both this boy and Negan is real love. You don’t always get that in life,” Hershel suggested with a shake of his head. “So please don’t make a mistake that will leave you broken hearted because of the words of this miserable old man that has done nothing but make mistakes his whole life. If you love that man, really love him, don’t let happiness slip through your fingers. Because if you mean what you said, that he’s the only person that makes you feel like you belong, then that’s the man that is for you. That’s who you are supposed to be with.”

A tense laugh fell from her throat. That took a lot out of Hershel. She was sure of that since Hershel and Negan had butted heads more than a few times. But with Hershel even telling her not to let that slip through her fingers, she knew that it was a big deal.

With a nod, Y/N looked between both Beau and Hershel before letting out a shuddering breath, “Are you willing to give us a ride?”

“Of course I am,” Hershel leaned forward to press a loving kiss against Y/N’s temple. Once he stepped back, both Beau and Y/N stood to their feet, but he motioned them to stop before they could get ready to leave. “Although, you’re going to have to wait a minute because I have no idea where I parked and I need to find the car first.”

“We’ll help you,” she responded, hooking her fingers with Beau so she could lead him toward the kitchen to grab her things.

As they were all about to head out, Y/N called out to Hershel and he stopped to look back at her. Heading over to him, she wrapped her arms around him to give him a hug. At first, he didn’t know how to respond, but after a moment he wrapped his arms around her. It was a firm hug, one that she had needed to have for a very long time from her father.

“Thank you for telling me what you did. If you really mean what you say, I’d like to spend more time with you and learn more about my mother,” she admitted with Hershel squeezing his arms around her tighter. "Because from what you say about her, I think she’d want me to forgive you and I’m willing to. As long as you put in the work too.”

“I will,” Hershel assured her, leaning back enough to stroke his fingers in over the side of her face. “I promise.”

----

Shifting uneasily on the couch, Negan looked to his watch to see the time. When Beau assured him that he would be coming home, Negan thought immediately. So the fact that it was taking this long for Beau to return was really making Negan panic. Beau had sent him multiple texts assuring Negan he was safe, but it was scaring the hell out of Negan. They had been watching Christmas movies when Beau had taken off and he still was with Erin. Well, Erin had fallen asleep in his lap while they stayed up waiting for Beau. There was no way that he would go to bed until his son was safely home.

Letting out a long sigh, Negan slid his hand into his pocket to pull out the jewelry box that was still there. Pushing it open with his thumb, Negan stared out at the ring and felt his chest aching at the sight of it. Earlier he thought he would have been spending his Christmas Eve with his children and Y/N. After she turned him down, it broke his heart, but he was doing his best to still show up for his children for Christmas since they were really what Christmas was about anyways.

Hearing the sound of the elevator ding, Negan turned his head back to look for Beau. When Beau didn’t walk into the room, he let out a small grunt. Adjusting Erin carefully, Negan moved his daughter so that she was sleeping comfortable on the couch. Cautiously getting up, Negan moved quietly to make sure that she stayed asleep before heading for the hallway that led to the elevator.

When he was met with an empty hallway, Negan’s head tipped to the side and he dropped his arms down at his side. The sound the elevator made was that it did when someone was returning to the level his apartment was on.

“Beau?” Negan called out to his son, worried when there was no response on the other side. Sighing loudly, Negan assumed that it was probably because Beau was moving slow, worried about his father getting upset with him. “You don’t have to hide Beau. I’m not mad at you, I’m just relieved that you are home. I promise. So why don’t you just come give me a hug and we can all go to bed. We can talk about whatever you did in the morning after we open gifts.”

A loud exhale fell from Negan’s throat when Y/N stepped out into the hallway and he felt his heart skip a beat, “Well shit. I was about to ask you not to go hard on him, but you have to go being the good father again. Don’t you?”

Speechless, Negan didn’t know what to say when she stepped forward in the hallway. Undoubtedly, the first thing he wanted to do was go up to her and wrap his arms around her, but after everything, he didn’t even know if that would be appropriate. “Beau was with you?”

“He was,” she answered with a frown, holding her hand out. Stepping forward, Beau accepted her hand and moved in beside her. There was a rosy color to Beau’s cheeks and he almost looked worried with how his father would respond to everything. “Beau showed up at my apartment and we had a good talk. Where he opened my eyes up to a lot of things. A lot of important things.”

“Oh yeah?” Negan’s eyebrow arched in curiosity when Beau rest his head in against her shoulder. Whatever their conversation was, it had no doubt an effect on the bond between his son and Y/N. “What kinds of things did you realize?”

“That I’m head over heels in love with you, him and Erin,” she explained stammering through her words, bringing Beau’s hand up to press a kiss over the back of his hand. Giving Beau a wink, she released his hand and stepped closer to Negan. The expression over Negan’s face was everything that she needed to see. Hearing that she still loved him drew him to let out a shuddering breath of relief. “Beau made me realize that it didn’t matter what someone said to me or what that voice inside my head tells me because it’s wrong.”

“He’s right,” Negan responded with a weak smile. “You are so much better than you really give yourself credit for.”

“And it’s because of the two of you that I see it,” she was close enough to Negan to draw him to let out a tremoring exhale. “Beau also made me realize that there was something in this world that brought us together. We were meant to find one another and be together.”

“Yeah?” Negan’s voice was broken, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat when he felt his eyes burning over.

“Yeah,” she answered, stepping before Negan who was frozen where he was standing. Lowering his head, Negan saw the back of her hand pressing in against his and he bit down on his bottom lip. “I’m so sorry I did what I did with running away. Your son is right about me. I got scared. I’ve never felt happiness like I do when I’m with you and your children. I was afraid that I would lose you or make life worse for you so I pushed you away. But you are the first person in this world that makes me feel like I’m not alone Negan. Like I’m actually special and I don’t want to lose that.”

Holding her hand out, she saw Negan look down at it, his lips parting and his bottom lip tremoring, “I want to be with you and your family Negan. I love you. I love everything about you. I love your smile. I love your personality, even when you are pissing people off. I love how good of a father you are. I love how much you love me. I just love you…”

“I love you too,” Negan whispered, accepting her hand, squeezing it firmly in his. Sweeping his thumb over the back of her hand, he could see that his son was watching on with awe in his eyes.

“You’re not wrong Negan, being separated from you hurts and I don’t think I would survive without you,” she repeated some of the things he had said to her in the past drawing a tiny smile from him. Lowering down onto one knee had a confused expression flooding in over Negan’s features. Digging into her pocket, she pulled out the ring pop that Negan had given her that night on the trail. A muted laugh fell from his throat when he saw it. “I’ve wasted enough of my life on things Negan. I need you. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. The love from both you and your son saved me when I didn’t even realize that I needed saving. I’ve never felt more alive than I do when I’m with all of you. So would you do me the honors of being my husband? Will you marry me Negan?”

“What do you think?” Negan scoffed, watching her smile when he nodded his head about. “Yes. Fucking of course I will.”

Sliding the ring pop up his finger as best as she could, they both laughed when it got stuck about a third of the way up. Pulling her up to him, Negan wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in against his chest. Bringing their lips together, Negan drew out the kiss and hummed against her lips before they separated.

“You stole my move,” Negan lifted his hand to stare out at the ring pop that she had proposed to him with.

“It was a good one,” she responded, nuzzling her nose in against his. Slipping his hand down, Negan managed to grab the jewelry box from his pocket. Opening it up, he grabbed the engagement ring he had bought for her and raised her left hand up. Sliding it down her finger, Negan stared down at it for a minute before lowering his head to press a kiss over the back of her hand. “I’m sorry for saying no earlier. I just wasn’t thinking with a clear mind. But now I know. I love you so much and I can’t be without you.”

Instead of responding, Negan brought her into another loving hug that had him nuzzling his nose in against the side of her neck, “you don’t have to apologize to me Y/N. I love you and I was going to wait for you as long as I had to because I knew that we were meant to be together. I love you so fucking much and I would have never given up.”

“I know,” she pulled back enough to stroke over the side of his face in a tender sweep. “Are you going to be okay with the fact that I’m the one that asked you to marry me?”

“Well, technically I asked first, well, twice, but…” Negan teased with a wrinkle of his nose, stealing another quick kiss from her. “I’m okay with telling people that you were the one to propose. Whatever makes you the happiest, makes me the happiest.”

The sound of something knocking over was heard and it drew Negan to lift his head to see Beau standing at the edge of the kitchen. Giving a half wave, Beau smiled uneasily before shifting on his feet.

“So I owe this to my son?” Negan wondered, squeezing his arms tighter around Y/N who eagerly accepted the gesture.

“You do,” she acknowledged that this was all because of Beau that she was here right now.

“Come here,” Negan ordered, wiggling his finger out at Beau who gave a big smile. Nodding, Beau moved forward swiftly, eager to accept the group hug from the both of them. “Thank you, buddy. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have you.”

“He always knows what to say,” Y/N informed Negan with a weak smile, pulling back enough so that she could press her hand in over the side of Beau’s face. “I’ve never met someone with a bigger heart than Beau.”

“My beautiful, sweet boy,” Negan brushed his fingers through Beau’s hair noticing that Beau’s eyes were tearing over. “I love you. So much.”

“I love you too,” Beau whispered dropping his head down to cuddle it in over Negan’s shoulder. “I just want all of us to be happy. And I knew that the only way for all of us to be happy…was to be together.”

Taking that moment to cherish the two in his arms, Negan closed his eyes and squeezed them close. Even though this didn’t turn out exactly the way that he thought it would, this was the best outcome that he could have wished for after everything that occurred. They were together and that’s what counted most.

“How in the world did you get all the way out to her house?” Negan blurt out, pulling back and interrogating his son, surprised that Beau was able to pull off what he did. “I know you hate the subway and you wouldn’t get into a cab…”

Someone cleared their throat making Negan lift his head to see that Hershel was in his hallway with his hands behind his back alerting Negan that it was him that Beau was with, “Well shit. You don’t have a shotgun with you. Do you?”

“Oh, no,” Hershel pulled his hands forward to show that they were empty. “And no more shotguns. Unless you plan to break her heart. Then, I might have to reconsider on the shotguns. I am sorry for that.”

“I don’t plan on breaking her heart,” Negan snickered, leaning down to nuzzle his nose in against the side of Y/N’s neck. “So I think we’re going to be good Hersh.”

“I may have called him and talked to him while Erin had you distracted. I convinced him to come down here to talk to Y/N so she could finally know about her mother,” Beau educated his father on what happened and what he missed. Surprised, Negan looked to Y/N who simply gave him a nod. “They are willing to work on things together.”

“Really?” Negan was surprised to hear that considering everything that happened.

“Really,” she informed Negan with a loud swallow. “We will talk about things tonight.”

“Are we all better now?” Erin’s tired voice was heard and they looked to see that she was standing in the doorway of the kitchen staring out at them with her big, tired, green eyes. Her polar bear stuffed animal was under her arm and she looked like she was ready to pass out. Waving Erin forward, Negan picked her up in his free arm pulling her in close so they could all be together.

“Much better,” Negan peppered kisses against the side of Erin’s face.

“Well, then…what are we still doing up?” Erin asked, pointing back toward the Christmas tree. “If we don’t go to sleep Santa won’t come. You know that.”

“You know what? She’s right,” Negan agreed with Erin, looking beyond them to Hershel. “I have a guest room Hersh. What do you say? You can stay with us until morning and then you can leave in the morning after Santa has come. I think with all the snow it would be a good idea for you to stay here for the night.”

“Are you sure?” Hershel confirmed and Negan gave him a slow nod.

“We’ll set you up in a minute,” Negan assured him, lowering in to press his forehead against Y/N’s. Having both of his children and Y/N in his arms was everything to him. Especially now after everything they had been through. “This is the best Christmas gift I could have ever asked for. With you, Erin and Beau. I couldn’t picture anything better than being with the things I love the most in this world.”

“I’m sorry the present came a little late,” Y/N hummed against his lips, stealing another quick kiss from them.

“Better late than never,” he whispered with a smile, nuzzling his nose in against hers. “I have a whole life to look forward to with you and I don’t plan on wasting a single second of it.”

----

ONE YEAR LATER

“Is dinner almost ready babe?” Y/N called out from where she was before the Christmas tree with Beau and Erin putting the presents under the tree. Looking to her watch, she stole another quick glance at the time before sighing. “I think Maggie said she would be here with Glenn and little Hershel in less than a half hour. My parents and the others will be a little bit later.”

“Almost,” Negan called out from the kitchen getting her attention back on him to see that he was standing in the doorway with their three-month-old son in his arms. “Felix and I are doing our best to get everything done, but daddy needed to take a break to feed him because he got hungry.”

“Aren’t we all?” Erin questioned with a small laugh, gazing upon the presents that were before her. “I’m glad everyone is coming here this year just for dinner. Last year was nice, but home is so much more comfortable than being at the farm all that time.”

“You’re not wrong and we’re lucky they are going home after dinner,” Beau piped in with a tiny snicker getting up from the floor. Heading over toward Negan, Beau grabbed Felix and held him closely to his chest. “Unlike last year where we had to spend days with everyone, at the end of tonight we get to kick all of them out of our apartment.”

“What are you trying to say?” Y/N smirked drawing Beau’s eyebrows to bounce up before he chuckled and started humming something to his little brother who was cooing out.

“I’m saying I think we’re all going to be happier when it’s just us at the end of the night together on Christmas,” Beau answered as he made a silly face down at Felix who was staring up at him behind heavy eyelids. “I know you are getting close to your family again, but it’s still nice to have them leave. We have Christmas Eve with your family, they leave and then Christmas is for us. I think that will be nice. Don’t you?”

“I think Christmas alone with all of us will be wonderful,” she agreed with Beau, letting out an amused sound before pressing a kiss to his temple.

“He’s not wrong you know, it’s nice getting people to leave at the end of the day,” Negan commented when they all headed into the kitchen. Negan helped Erin into her seat where she stole one of the sugar cookies that they all had made together earlier. “I like when it’s just all of us together.”

“That’s my favorite too,” Y/N hummed, stepping forward to draw her finger down over the center of Negan’s chest. Tipping up on her toes, she brought their lips together which had Beau letting out an overwhelmed sound.

“We’ll be quick,” Negan promised his son with a wrinkle of his nose, hooking his arms loosely around Y/N’s hips. “It’s interesting how I predicted our future almost a year ago. Married with a young baby…”

“Anyone could have predicted the baby with how the two of you are,” Beau reminded them moving forward to hand Felix to Negan again carefully. Once he had Felix in his arms again, Negan headed over toward where Erin was sitting so that she could see her little brother. “I have to get the food out of the oven.”

“Hey,” Y/N called out motioning both Erin and Beau in so they could all do a group hug. “I love you all so much. I hope you know that.”

“And we love you too,” Negan hummed, pressing a lingering kiss over her cheek, enjoying the way that their little family still continued to love one another. “And we always will.”

----

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