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lqfiles · 4 months

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SCORE THAT GOAL! — 25. NOT my boyfriend

(wc: 1.054)

“thank you for waiting for me.” chenle had walked over to you with a happy smile present on his face. you returned the expression and stood up from the bench you had sat on. “no problem, i felt like being nice today.” you joked and handed him the bottle he had asked you to hold for him. chenle chuckled. “i better savour this rare moment then.” dapping the sweat off his face with his shirt, he quickly put on his jacket and motioned for you to follow him out the basketball court.

“did you see that c cut i did when i was cornered by all of them? i'm too good at this.” chenle boasted as he continued to gulp down his water. you shook your head. “i'm going to be honest with you, i barely understood what was going on but you scored a lot of times so i'm just going to agree with you.” chenle laughed, sparing you a quick glance. “that’s all that matters.”

“what’s with the sudden request of watching your club practice anyways? do you like my company that much?” you teased, earning a nudge from chenle who quickly went into defense mode. “don’t get too full of yourself, sungchan snuck away when i wasn’t looking and left me by myself today. can you believe he said he’d rather go home and sleep than attend the club today?” chenle exclaimed in full disbelieve, making you chuckle.

“that’s actually very on brand of him.” you responded back, smile growing as you watched chenle accept the truth. “well yes- but, what happened to bros being there for bros? what happened to the saying ‘be a keeper, not a sleeper’?” chenle sulked. the two of you had started to walk without much of an aim, barely aware of where you’re heading too. the wind was carrying the journey and neither of you cared.

“you just made that saying up yourself.” you once again chuckled and chenle sighed. “whatever, this is why you should’ve joined the basketball club instead. sungchan is fake and you’re my bff, the fact that he is in the club and you aren’t just doesn’t make sense!” chenle had a mixture of a disappointment and annoyance on his face, trying to get sympathy out of you. clearly you didn’t care, because you just laughed in his face right after. “hey, be happy sungchan joined.”

“and if i had joined the club, i wouldn't have gotten to talk to jisung.” you reasoned and chenle let out a long groan, throwing his head back before he stopped in his tracks. “what do you even see in that guy? he’s weird, can’t communicate with people for shit, tall in a derogatory way and did i mention that he is weird?” chenle tried to persuade you. yet the grin that grew on your face made it clear that non of those negative traits changed your perception of jisung.

“he’s cute and good looking, he’s fun to talk to as well now that we’re friends.” you had never seen chenle’s eyes widen like that, on the verge of bulging out even. “friends?! no way… next thing you know he’s going to replace me as your best friend. i can’t let this happen.” chenle complained, holding onto your shoulders to shake some sense it you. you removed his hands, starting to feel dizzy already.

“calm down, you’re still my bff! i want him to be my boyfriend, that’s different!” you tried to explain, but the unconvinced look on chenle’s face made you sigh. in a swift motion, you pulled him in for a hug, one tight and full of assurance that would hopefully get chenle to stop sulking. “i’m serious, it’s not easy to replace you.” you pulled back with a smile and you could see chenle fighting his mouth from twitching into a grin itself. he scoffed before nudging you away (patting your head once before doing so) “i better not be.” he finally smiled.

a smile that left all too quickly, forming into a frown. “speaking of the devil himself.” chenle whispered, making you turn around instantly. you almost screeched seeing jisung standing a few steps away, stopped in his tracks as he waited for the two of you to finish your affectionate moment.

“jisung! what are you doing here?!” you exclaimed, an awkward smile forming on your lips as you sent him a wave, simultaneously taking a few steps away from chenle. jisung was silent for a second before hesitantly lifting his hand up. “hi?”

“well, i.. i forgot something at college, but you guys were kind busy. did i.. interrupt something?” jisung said carefully, exchanging looks between you and chenle who had a scowl set on his face. you turned and almost gasped at the expression chenle wore, quickly tugging him aside and hitting his ribcage.

“ah sorry, we didn’t meant to block your path!” you apologised and moved all the way off the side walk, motioning for jisung to walk past. “thank you.” he muttered, gaze moving from you to chenle who was still threw him a nasty glare. “i-i’ll see you tomorrow..?”

jisung wishes he never assumed his previous encounters with you were peak awkwardness, because nothing could beat the awkward silence that overtook the air at this current moment. you were stood 10 meters away from, trying to give him space to walk while your friend looked at him like he was mentally putting a curse on him. all of this happening in total silence.

“y-yeah. i’ll see you tomorrow. hope you find your stuff at college.” you were hesitant to move, hoping jisung would move first. he did, picking up his previous pace, sparing you one last glance.

only when he turned the corner of the street did you let out a breath of air you had been holding in. the first thing you did now that you could breathe was repeatedly punch chenle on his upper arm. “ow! what was that for?!” chenle took steps back from you and your assault.

“no what was THAT about? did you have to glare at him? now he probably thinks you hate him.” you rubbed your hand over your face in distress, it didn’t help that you could hear chenle laughing from beside you.

“he wouldn’t be wrong.”

previous — master list — next

notes ; ngl the next chapter is going to be so cute 😝

TAGLIST ; @rksbae @222brainrot @severefireangelprune @violetvoo @prdshobi @kikookii @haechansbbg @en-dream @bbxnny-bbxtch @cvpidxo @jaeminslattes @90s-belladonna @softieluvsyou @wenjunblossoms @be0mluver @jeongintwt @myhaechan @love1again @ckline35 @cassie6392 @hibernatinghamster @starboys-gf @rllymark @mfaal @snflwrhaerecs4u @sunflowerbebe07 @ahnneyong @enhalovie @galacticpurpl3 @manooffline @luv4jeno @mikadorbs @1moo7 @ksywoo @ohdudehesflirting @savluvsmingi @finnydraws @invumi @crvzy-fujoshi @peterparkerluvvbot @hrjunluvs @i2kittenz @jisungji @http-peachie @jisyng @sweetcandycum @giaccolo @shotaroswifeyily @sinsgaybutthatsokay @be-my-sunrise @syzavxy @kyusqult @mxlly143 @o-schist @bigjishirt @snuglyjwi @hyunniesvlog @shuaadmirer

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anabdaniels · 12 days

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So fitting for happily ever after

Paring: Agent Whiskey x Female reader

Summary: You got jealous because of a past situation with his secretary, so Jack makes sure to calm you down aka Jack eats reader on his office desk.

Word counting: 1.9k

Rating: +18

Warnings: Oral (f receiving), fingering, semi-public sex, reader curses in another language (translations provided at the end).

A/N: First things first I made reader cursing in Portuguese because my Brazilian ass can't find English curse words to sound offensive enough hahaha. Whatever, the idea of writing this came while I was listening to some wild Reddit stories so...

Divider from: @saradika-graphics

Masterlist

You could barely feel the ground under your feet as you walked inside the ranch, boiling in pure anger, the 30 minutes in the car on your way home for sure didn’t help the thousands of thoughts going through your brain.

“Jack Daniels.” You called more loudly than you would normally as you entered the bedroom. Jack promptly looked at you in complete confusion as he finished putting his t-shirt on.

“Something wrong, honey?” he asked calmly, despite the crease between his eyebrows.

“Can you please explain to me what kind of fucking business have you been doing at your damn job?” you asked mad, but keeping your tone under control the best you could.

“What’s the problem, sugar? What has made you so upset?” he questioned with one hand resting on the dresser and the other on his hip.

“The problem is that aquela vaca do caralho…” you stopped and took a deep breath, not wanting to lose your composure “Your dear little secretary talked to me at the fucking pharmacy and made sure to let me know that you have been fucking her.” You could feel your stomach twisting only with the idea of it.

“I expected you to know she lied to you.” Jack said calmly, even knowing that the situation was delicate.

“Then can you explain to me how the fuck she knows you have a single freckle on your left inner thigh?” you questioned concerningly calm.

“Honey, the situation ain’t like you’re probably imagining.” Jack answered in a soft tone.

“C’mon, you’ll tell me that she stumped and accidentally fell sat on your dick? Não fode, Daniels.” you rolled your eyes, both hands lying on your hips; Jack had to breathe calmly to not laugh at your bold statement, aware that laughing would only complicate his situation.

“My love, I can assure you that all that happened was a simple one-night stand a couple of years before we met and nothing more.” Jack kept his calm, even though he was already planning the reprimanding and possible dismissal he would give to his secretary the next time he saw her.

“Haven’t I asked you a thousand times if you had something with her because she always acted very pick me around you? And you denied it every time.” You inquired raising your eyebrows and tilting your head slightly, still not amused by his answer.

“I didn’t think would be relevant to tell you this since it happened once and didn’t have any relevance.” Jack said sincerely, almost starting to worry about all that.

“Where?” you asked after a few moments of silence.

“Where?” Jack repeated confused.

“Where did you fucked her?” you questioned once more, making the question the clearer possible.

“At her apartment…” he answered seeming completely clueless of which was your goal with that.

“At least some good news, I haven’t slept on the same bed as that bitch.” You squinted at the very moment Jack chuckled and approached you.

“Now can you calm down a little bit, for god's sake?” he spoke while resting his hands on your upper arms, softly rubbing your skin.

“Oh if I wasn't calm, your nose would have been broken a long time ago.” You rolled your eyes as he kept a goofy smile, holding you by the waist.

“Didn’t know you were that jealous ‘bout me.” Jack made sure to tease you with that smug tone.

“You’re lucky that I’m calmer than most girls back home. Some of them would’ve already put sugar on your car’s tank or sold your limited-edition Stetsons for 20 dollars on eBay.”

“Good thing I don't intend to make any serious mistake.” He joked and laughed when you seemed not happy with it. “Ease your heart, Mrs. Daniels. I have no intention to even look at any woman that ain’t my gorgeous wife.” Jack assured calmly and leaned to kiss the tip of your nose.

“You better. I imagine that even being sterilized, you still like to have both of your testicles.” You stated slightly raising your eyebrows.

“I do.” He confirmed seriously, making both of you laugh.

Despite being the one who cooked almost 100% of the meals, Jack wasn’t the biggest fan of doing the groceries and organizing them in the pantry, and since you would do anything but cook, you assumed those tasks. Once at the supermarket parking lot with your phone and shop list on hand, you realized you had forgotten your wallet at home. Already mumbling all the curse words you knew while starting your car, you remembered that Jack was at Statesman, which, despite being out of the city too, was way closer than the ranch.

Once you arrived at the distillery and got to the floor of Jack’s office, you were happily surprised when you didn’t see his dubious character secretary at the front desk, but the sympathetic lady you used to talk a lot every time you had to wait for Jack to get out of some meeting.

You walked calmly to Jack’s office, knocking on the door and getting in as you heard his voice telling you to do it, stopping in front of his desk and waiting for him to look at you.

“Honeybee.” Jack smiled openly as he saw you and leaned back on his chair, taping one of his thighs. Without hesitation you moved to sit sideways on his lap, letting your arms rest on his shoulders. “What brings my dear wife here today?”

“My shitty memory to be honest.” You admitted, tilting your head slightly “I was on my way to do the groceries and realized I forgot my wallet at the ranch.”

“Oh, I see.” He answered with a soft chuckle, grabbing his wallet and giving you his bank card.

“Just for the record, I was planning to pass on some other places after it, so…” you were ready to start a little justification speech, still not having completely lost the habit of thinking that you should have a complex reason to buy something, but Jack didn’t give you the chance to even start with it.

“It’s okay, sugar, don’t worry your pretty head with this. If my dear wife can’t have a little fun with my card, then what am I working for?” Jack winked at you with a sideway smile and leaned to press a soft kiss on your lips.

“Fine, I’ll remember this.” You chuckled while playing with a lock of his hair “Speaking about work, I haven't seen your dear secretary around.” You mentioned it with a bit of sarcasm.

“She got transferred to the city branch.” Jack explained calmly, resting both hands on your waist.

“I imagine she’s missing her beloved boss.” You said with a slightly annoyed grimace.

“Honey…” he laughed quietly and kissed the curve of your neck.

“I’m just stating the reality.” You shrugged “I wonder if you really haven’t taken a bite of her among shifts.” At that point, you were just wanting to mess with him a bit.

“Well, I’ll summarize my answer simply saying that all of my office furniture has been christened with you.” Safe to say it got you out off guard; you didn’t doubt the fact that death would be a more considerable option for Jack if the other option was cheating on you, but you were aware that he had a life before you and that new information was something you were not expecting.

“Now, that’s the kind of news I like to receive on a turbulent day.” You admitted with a wide smile.

“Good, now ease your jealous, y’know I’d kiss the ground you walk if you asked me to.” He finished the phrase with a soft nibble on your shoulder, making you squirm a bit on his lap.

“Personally, I’d prefer you to use your mouth for other stuff.”

“Now tell me something I don’t know.” Jack teased and faster than the blink of an eye, you were sat on his desk, his hands all over you and his mustache tickling the sensitive skin that was exposed on your cleavage. You tried to keep your breath slow, aware that making any loud sound wouldn’t be a good idea. Both of your hands dived on Jack’s hair, your fingers tangling on the brown strands as you got more softened by his touch.

With no ceremony, Jack sneaked his hands under your skirt, taking off your panties and moving his fingers to your pulsing core as his other hand quickly rested over your mouth to suppress your pleased noise, which wasn’t very helpful to your self-control, since the feeling of his huge calloused hand covering your mouth and a good part of your face just helped your dirty thoughts to go further.

Enjoying the view of your body softening, Jack kept his fingers working between your legs, smirking at every single spasm of your hips. Conscious about how close you were to losing control of your noises, you bit the palm of Jack’s hand, sinking your teeth more into his skin as two of his fingers slid inside you and his thumb rubbed your swollen clit.

Yes, you knew that all those papers with the Statesman logo spread over his desk probably were important, but you weren’t giving a shit about that fact at that moment, letting one of your hands crumple the nearest pile of pages. Caring less than you, Jack decided to move further, kneeling on the floor so his head was placed between your thighs. You didn’t have the time to catch your breath before his tongue was buried in your wet core and you managed your body reactions the best you could, pulling his hair, smashing the papers on the desk, and keeping your bite on the palm of his hand.

Your eyes rolled back as your eyelids fell close, your mind doing you no favor as you thought about the fact that, even being the charming boss who could have spent a good time with half of the Statesman staff during his office hours, you were the first person to have that kind of moment with him at his office, and the meeting room, and the warehouse of barrels…

Seeming to know that you were deeply stuck on the moment, Jack didn’t spare his efforts, keeping his fingers and mouth working rhythmically on your throbbing cunt, getting more pleased as he felt your thighs squeezing his head more and more at the same pace your fingers twisted a huge portion of his hair, causing a slight pain Jack enjoyed deeply.

You got the last straw when his fingers curled inside you, providing you with the single push you needed to get over the edge, involuntarily moving your hips and letting out an audible moan, feeling your whole body starting to melt as Jack slowed his motion until completely stop, needing a few seconds to process what was going on when he sat back on his chair and pulled you to his lap, letting you nestle between his arms and kissing the top of your head.

“Can I ask a question?” your voice came out quiet after a moment.

“Of course, love.” Jack answered promptly while moving one hand to caress your back.

“I’m getting this treatment every time I show up to ask you for money?” you looked up at him with a lazy smile.

“Only if you’re all jealous for no reason.” He answered with a cocky grin, leaning forward to give you a soft peck on the lips.

Translations: Aquela vaca do caralho- that fucking bitch Não fode- don't fuck/mess with me

Tagging: @missladym1981

#agent whiskey #agent whiskey fic #agent whiskey x reader #agent whiskey x you #jack daniels #jack whiskey daniels #Kingsman: the golden circle #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedrostories

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chaoticrushu · 9 months

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God everything about Lisa is so tragic. Her trigger event, being forced into villainy by Coil, her desperate attempts to find out as much as she can to prevent the end of the world, and her whole relationship with Taylor.

She sees Taylor for the first time and immediately knows she's passively suicidal. She can't let that go, if course she can't, she can't let another Rex happen. So she reaches out, she invites Taylor to join the Undersiders, knowing the whole time Taylor's lying from the start. She gives her a friends/family/a support group, desperately hoping to give Taylor a reason to live. She takes her shopping, hoping to boost Taylor's confidence in herself. She pushes Taylor to go out with Brian, because she knows Brian has the same feelings, and she thinks it'll both help Taylor feel more tied to the group and help make her happier.

And it kinda works. Taylor gains confidence, she's stronger, she's happier.

"I'm sorry," Lisa put her hand on my shoulder. I felt grateful that she wasn’t pulling away or laughing. It was the first time I’d ever really talked about it, and I wasn’t sure I could’ve dealt if she had.

Shell 4.3

It kind of surprised me, but I realized what I was saying was true, so I didn’t even need to worry about tipping Lisa off. A second later, I realized I might have been a little presumptuous.

"I mean, assuming that we are frien—"

"If you finish that sentence,” Lisa warned me, "I'm going to slap you across the head." I felt the heat of a flush in my cheeks and ears. "Yes, Taylor, we’re friends," Brian said.

Shell 4.3

"I don’t know how to say this gracefully," I said. I paused, noting the presence of a hero nearby who’d raised a camera towards me. Whatever, I’d say it anyways. "But you guys mean a lot to me. I’m sorry I didn’t say it before, but I couldn’t without letting on that something was going on. You’re my family, in a way. As lame as it might be, I love you guys."

Drone 23.5

"I know," Grace said, after a pause. "I get that. I get that there’s other reasons. Like the fact that you love those guys and you never loved us. Cool. Makes sense."

"I liked you guys."

"But you didn’t love us.”

"No," I said.

Venom 29.1

By Arc 19, Lisa's sure she succeeded. She averted another Rex, she saved Taylor. Even with how self destructive Taylor is, pushing herself so hard towards a goal, first saving Dinah then saving everyone, throwing herself in dangerous situations one after another, she's in a better state than she was before. But is Lisa?

Taylor and Lisa have somewhat of a distant emotional connection. As much as Lisa has helped Taylor, Taylor can't really do the same to Lisa. Because even when she isn't wearing a mask in a literal sense. she's always wearing one metaphorically, one that she almost never lets slip. So as much as Taylor loves Lisa, she doesn't really know Lisa. She can't. Lisa's given Taylor a support system, but she herself doesn't have one.

"Except you’ve been talking to the heroes, and you’ve had that to help center yourself, figure out where you stand," Tattletale said. "I haven't."

"That’s it? You need to talk to someone?"

"No. That’s not what I’m saying," she said. She sighed. "Yes. Kind of. It’s only part of it. Who the hell am I going to talk to that grasps things on a level I do? Do you really expect me to find a therapist and sit down and not pick him apart faster than he can decipher me?"

"You could talk to me ," I said. "Not when you’re part of the problem, part of what I’d need to work past."

"That’s not fair," I told her.

"No, it isn’t," she admitted."

Scourge 19.7

And that disconnect shows in Taylor's pov. Even in Taylor's head, Lisa is so often thought of as Tattletale, not Lisa. Even as she's eviscerating Taylor on personal level in 30.1, she's still Tattletale, not Lisa. Rachel is almost always Rachel more than Bitch, and I'm pretty sure Aisha is Aisha'd as much as she's Imp'd.

Later in the same chapter, she explains herself, her first time in the whole book being genuine and letting herself be vulnerable.

Me? When you shot Coil, I realized I was done. I’d helped you out of the same trap of despair Rex had been in. Don’t know if the road I helped you down was a good one or a bad, but I’d finished."

"But why be reckless? Why take the risks?"

"Because I did what I had to do, I helped you, and I still feel like the stupid, self-obsessed little child that let her big brother die. It wasn’t conscious, but maybe I felt like I needed to up the stakes. Pull something dramatic. Show that, with these crazy smart capes like Alexandria and Faultline around, I could still be the smartest person in the room."

Scourge 19.7

She's finished her project, she's saved Taylor, whether for good or ill. She's freed herself of Coil. And it didn't fix her; She still bears all that guilt over Rex. Maybe, given time, Taylor could have helped Lisa, returned the favour. But they never had the time, because so soon after this, Taylor is outed, and things escalate, and Taylor is gone. I can't imagine what that did to Lisa, but it I'd guess that it means that her one true friend, probably the only person who even comes close to understanding her, is gone. Of course, she keeps in touch. But the letter she sends, its so impersonal, naught more than a status report. Whereas Brian and Rachel's are emotional and personal, confessions of their feelings. (I love Taylor and Rachel's relationship so much, but that's not the point here.) And when they meet all meet back up before Behemoth, the only thing she says to Taylor is asking her to survive. I think that even though she said she felt like she'd succeeded fixing Taylor, she was still doubting. Taylor is Taylor, I don't think she ever really could have been saved just by who she is. And Lisa could probably tell.

With a touch more seriousness, Tattletale said, "No dying, okay, Skitter?"

"Weaver," I corrected.

"Skitter," she said. "Here, today, you’re Skitter. Consider it a good luck charm. And no dying . I’ll say it as many times as it takes, until it gets through to you."

...

“Just remember,” Tattletale called out, “You’re officially Skitter today. Don’t be a hero. No point to all this shit if you do something brave and get yourself killed.”

Drone 23.5

And it all leads to Khepri. Taylor ruining herself, letting someone alter her brain to such an extent in a desperation to beat Scion. And it kills Lisa

"You couldn’t have made it easy?” Tattletale asked, looking down at it. “Because standing by while you do this… that’s fucking hard . It’s honestly easier if I’m on their side and I’m helping them stop you. If I can blame the fuck-up job Panacea did to your head."

"While I’m saying all this, kiddo, you gotta know I love you. I adore you, warts and all. You saved me, as much as I like to think I saved you. All this stuff I’m bitching about, it’s the same stuff that got us through some pretty hairy shit, and I love you for it as much as I groan about it. You’re brilliant and you’re reckless and you care too much about people in general when I really wish you’d leave things well enough alone and be selfish. But this?"

"Shit ," Tattletale said. "You gotta forgive me, just this once. Because seeing this and knowing what you pulled hurts enough that I gotta say this. This makes me feel really sorry for your dad, because I’m starting to get a sense of what you put him through.

Speck 30.1

Like, god. The tragedy of loving Taylor Hebert, a stubborn, persistent, unyielding person, one who doesn't value herself but will give everything to fight for her friends. For all that Lisa could try and do to save her, for all the happiness she could try and give her, it didn't work. Taylor becomes Khepri, and she loses her forever. I'm don't even know if Lisa knows what happened to Taylor, that she's on another earth, safe with the opportunity for genuine happiness without all the crises, able to be a regular person. Or does she assume Taylor died, maybe at the hands of a cape traumatised and angry and being mind controlled, maybe because of her own shard destroying her?

Does she ever regret trying to fix Taylor? Does she ever think back on it and wonder if Taylor would be better off if she hadn't guided her into villainy?

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bad268 · 14 days

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hii, can i request a pedri fic? pedri always sleeps early and reader is a night owl, one night he tries to stay up late with her but hes really tired and miserable (possibly on the verge of tears) and the reader js takes care of him

The Early Bird & The Night Owl (Pedri X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/FCB

Requested: Clearly (may or may not have written this at 2 AM...)

Warnings: sleep meds (1 time)

POV: Third Person (She/her) (No Y/n)

W.C. 1405

Summary: Her schedule is crazy, and Pedri just wants some of her time.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

“She’s a student, of course, she was a night owl,” is what Pedri always told himself. However, with his training schedule and games, he had to be up early almost every morning. Most of the time, he was getting up just as she was going to sleep or right around the same time. It’s not like she slept the entire day away. They had late afternoons together and evenings, but Pedri usually was in bed by 9 PM. That’s when she would start her assignments.

It was hard. Working on a master’s degree while working in an overseas company was difficult, and she had to alter her sleep schedule to keep up with her studies and her job.

Pedri understood. No matter how many times he told her to quit her job and that could help her financially until she finished her degree, she always said no. She wanted to work with this company after graduating, so quitting just to reapply in a year or so is not worth it. Plus, it took her almost a year to get the job in the first place! She did not want to give up the progress she already made.

Pedri understood that too! He had to work extremely hard to get his place in FC Barcelona, and he would never discount the effort he’s seen her put in. It was her dream company, and he knew that once she moved up, she would have a better schedule. He selfishly preferred it to semi-align with his own, but he would have to wait and see. That’s the joy of working for an overseas company!

At the end of every quarter, her company gave everyone a weekend off, so she was able to attend Pedri’s match for once. He did not know until she took a melatonin candy right after dinner.

“What’s that for?” Pedri asked when he saw her grab one of the candies while he was putting the leftovers away.

“I need to wake up early tomorrow if I’m going to go with you to your match,” she said as if it were obvious as she ate the candy. When Pedri did not respond, she turned to see him frozen in front of the refrigerator. She giggled as she moved to close the refrigerator door and said, “Not expecting that?”

“Not exactly,” He muttered as he wrapped his arms around her waist and hid his face in your neck. “You’re wearing my kit, right?”

“What else would I wear?”

The next day, they woke up bright and early. It was weird for her to be waking up as the sun was coming up, but she knew she would have to pull an all-nighter tonight or tomorrow to get back on her schedule before Monday. That was a problem for the future. She was going to cherish the normal day she could have with Pedri before having to go back to her normal.

They made it to the stadium just in time for them to start warming up for the match. She stayed down on the sidelines, and to say some of the players were surprised to see her would be an understatement. Gavi was the most excited to see her mainly because he hung out with Pedri the most off the field and by extension, her.

As soon as Gavi saw her walk in with Pedri, he ran at her full speed and accidentally knocked her over in the process.

“Oi, get off me, Gavi!” She yelled as she pushed him to roll off her chest. “I get it! It’s been a while, but I did not expect to be attacked!”

“I can’t help it! It’s been forever!” Gavi defended himself as he helped her stand back up. “No work for once?”

“Nope,” She said as they caught up with Pedri on the field. He was busy kicking a few practice goals as a warmup, so she found a spot off to the side to stay out of everyone’s way. “I got the weekend off, so I woke up early to watch my guys chase a ball up and down a field for 90 minutes.”

“The best 90 minutes of your weekend, I bet,” He laughed before being called onto the field.

She stood off to the side for their entire warmup, taking pictures of her boyfriend (as one does) to post later (or keep to herself, she doesn't know yet). She watched Pedri play against Gavi in a couple of practice defenses. One time when he got the ball, he sliced it left and immediately covered his face, laughing as Gavi teased him.

Then it was time for the game.

It seemed like they had more of a reason to win. Maybe it was because they knew she was there, but they would never admit that. They ended up winning the game 3-0, and Pedri scored the first one. They always had a promise that if Pedri scored the first goal of the game, she would buy the first round of drinks. Sure, he was never happy about it being the gentleman he is, but a bet’s a bet. He’ll take a free drink even if it means he’ll give it back to her one way or another.

They went out to dinner with the rest of the team, and true to her word, she bought the first round. Everyone had more than come around to expecting it sometimes, but only Gavi knew when it actually happened. He was there when they made the bet.

The boys had practice the next day because they were working towards the World Cup, so they knew they could not stay out too late. Not to mention they are all pretty early birds, so they were clearing out of the bar by 8.

By the time they got home, she was thriving. She naturally got a boost of energy when the sun went down, and even though she did not sleep in as much as normal, she felt wide awake. Even after Pedri got out of the shower closer to 9:30, she was wide awake. She was blasting through a paper, waiting for Pedri to emerge from the bathroom, and when he did, he collapsed in her lap.

She moved her laptop to the side and moved her attention to her boyfriend on her lap. She ran her hands through his wet hair before running across his shoulders, scratching her nails down his back.

“Stop,” He whined. “If you don’t, I’ll fall asleep.”

“Maybe that’s the point,” She chuckled lightly.

“No, I never get to see you anymore,” He complained as he flipped over to face up at her. That’s when she noticed the tears that filled his eyes. Suddenly, she felt so selfish for putting her schooling and work before him. “Our schedules clash so much, I feel like I never get to hang out with you.”

“Pedri, why haven’t you told me this before?” She asked concerned. She moved her hands from his shoulder to hold his face in her hands as she wiped some of the fallen tears. “I would have figured something out if it was getting that bad, but you need to tell me. I can’t know if it’s too much if you don’t tell me.”

“It’s selfish to ask you to stop your education and working your dream job,” He sighed as he looked anywhere but her. However, she was still holding his face, so she brought his face to meet hers as she leaned down. “I don’t want to be that unsupportive boyfriend.”

“You are the most supportive boyfriend for going through all of this pain for my happiness,” She replied as she started tearing up a little bit as well. “I will always take a break if it means you feel better. How about I take all of next week off? We can do whatever we want since you don’t have a match. I bet I could bribe Xavi to give you at least a day off from training.”

“I would love that,” he sighed happily as he closed his eyes and leaned deeper into her lap as if a weight was lifted off of him. “I would really love that.”

“Good,” She whispered as she leaned down to kiss his lips. “Now, get up here. I think it’s time we fall asleep together for the second night in a row.”

~~~~~

#pedri imagine #pedri x y/n #pedri x you #pedri x reader #pedri #fc barcelona x reader #fc barça #fc barcelona #pablo gavi #futbol #bad268 #ship268 #thing268

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elisela · 9 months

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‘this is my husband/boyfriend/partner etc.’ + NurseyDex

that's mine nurseydex, alternating pov

Nursey goes flying. Headfirst into the goal, arms flailing, Will thinks he hears a yelp sort of flying. He only resists the urge to roll his eyes because Bitty’s looking right at him and he doesn’t want a lecture.

Still—when one of the assholes on the other team barks out a laugh and says, “Who was that, Bambi?”, Will can’t help but sigh.

“That’s my teammate, asshole,” he says, and cuts over to check him against the boards.

—

Derek misses the days that the frogs were wide-eyed and respectful in the Haus. These kids—he’s going to need some sense knocked into them soon. They’re loud, rowdy, and far too interested in integrating into the group by joining in on the teasing, which is a right they have not yet earned.

Like now, when they’re giggling to themselves and looking at him.

“So—” one of them starts, smirking, and never finishes.

“So,” Derek repeats, jerking his thumb at Dex, “that’s my roommate.”

The laughter grates on his nerves, but not as much as pretending he doesn’t care about sharing a room with Dex.

—

Nursey is … singing? Will thinks that’s what he’s trying to do at least, and he’s heard him sing almost every day in the shower so the warbling coming out of his mouth is surprising. He’s not saying Nursey is good by any means, but he can sound decent with the right song and this … this is not the right song.

He doubts the fact that all the words being slurred thanks to being absolutely trashed is helping.

Will stays at the bar until the song is done, resolutely facing away from the somewhat dimly-lit karaoke stage so he doesn’t get dragged into participating. Luckily—or not, considering Ransom and Holster seem to have disappeared so the drunken idiot is now his responsibility—Nursey doesn’t say anything when he comes crashing up to the bar except, “Tequila shots?”

Will can barely understand him, but the look on his face—the one that appears whenever Nursey thinks he’s had a particularly good idea—speaks volumes. “Water,” he says firmly, sliding a waiting pint glass over.

He really doesn’t understand whatever Nursey mumbles then, but he has more pressing problems, because his lap—previously empty of everything except his coat—is now occupied. “Jesus,” he mutters, trying to wiggle away. “Dude—Nursey—”

“S’comfy,” Nursey says, and Will tries once more to get him to move to his own seat with no avail.

The bartender, when she returns, gives Will a raised eyebrow. “He bothering you? I can get him out.”

Will sighs. “He’s a friend,” he says, and adds, “so he pretty much bothers me all the time.”

“Ya love me, pretty boy,” Nursey says. He starts to laugh—at what, Will has no clue—but it makes him wiggle in a way that Will isn’t sure he’s entirely comfortable with, and Nursey goes sliding to his own seat after another shove.

“Shut up and drink your water,” Will says, and motions to close their tab.

—

“That’s Jack,” Derek says, nudging his grandmother and pointing at the television, where Jack is leaning on the boards and chatting with the coach. “He’s on the Falconers.”

“I’m rooting for them,” she says, and tuts when Derek makes an aborted noise. “Hush, you don’t get to choose who I like. Is he a defender?”

Derek’s been playing hockey most of his life and every time he watches a game with his grandma it’s like she’s never heard of the sport before. “No, he’s not a defenseman,” he says. God help him, he’s never going to get through this game alive.

The shot switches to a close-up and she hums. “Handsome.”

Derek shrugs. Jack’s fine, he supposes. A bit too bland for him, nothing that really stands out, not like—”And that’s Dex—Will—over there, in the white. Will—he’s my—” he swallows a bit too hard.

“If you think I haven’t figured out you like men and women, Derek, we’re going to need to have a conversation regarding your assumptions about my intelligence.”

He wonders if God would actually strike him down if he prayed hard enough. “He’s my boyfriend, Gram,” he says, staring resolutely at the television.

She hums again. “That Jack is more handsome though, don’t you think?”

It’s going to be a long game.

—

Will’s trying to hide. Table at the back, hat still on and pulled down low, black hoodie and black jeans. Anything to make himself blend into the background, because he doesn’t want to be caught dead here.

He also doesn’t want to be involved in any conversations, not that the girls at the table next to him have picked up on that. He’d made two fatal errors: being cordial when one of them had said hello, and admitting he’s never been to an open-mic poetry night.

They haven’t stopped talking to him since.

“Okay, this guy—I’m not sure he’s your type, you know? Not that you aren’t like, super intelligent—I mean you’re here, right, so obviously—but he has a lot of heavy themes in his work if you really dig in and you really need to hear them a few times to peel back the layers. I’m hoping he reads the tree above the grave again, it’s—”

She cuts off, finally, when a cough sounds from the front and Derek begins to speak. There’s utter silence while he recites words that Will’s heard a hundred times over in various iterations, tweaked and stressed and polished until he could probably say them in his sleep, then an excited outburst of conversation among applaus when it’s over.

“Amazing, right?” she says, and keeps talking while Will nods. “Have you heard of him before?”

Will looks at her. “He’s the one I came for,” he answers honestly, grinning for the first time all night when he sees Derek making his way over. “He’s my husband.”

#'this is the only fic i'll write' i said #ha #what an idiot i am #nurseydex #missanniewhimsy #eli writes #omgcp

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benkyoutobentou · 4 months

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Ranking the books I read in Japanese this year

It’s the end of the year and I don’t think I’ll be finishing any more Japanese books this month, so I thought it would be fun to rank what I read! I read twelve novels in Japanese this year, hitting my goal (but not quite reading one a month). There won’t be twelve rankings here, though, because I read multiple books from the same series and will be combining those.

9. コーヒーが冷めないうちに - 川口俊和: This book just didn’t do it for me. I listened to it on audiobook in February for a target language listening challenge and got stuck in a vicious cycle of not paying attention because the story was boring me and being bored of it because I wasn’t paying enough attention. Most other people I’ve seen who have read it in Japanese also thought it was boring, though, so I’m not mourning any loss.

8. 宝石商リチャードの謎鑑定 - 辻村七子: I really wanted to like this series but the negatives outweighed the positives so much that I only read the first volume. The most damning part of this for me was that I couldn’t stand the writing style. It was extremely confusing, and having a language barrier on top of that just made it miserable. I’m really glad I read this with others because I was not the only one who found the writing style to be ridiculously confusing for a book that doesn’t even handle confusing or difficult topics. Seriously, the writing was so bad that I considered continuing the series in English. But the characters were good.

7. あん - ドリアン助川: Now we get into the books that I enjoyed, just not as much. I liked this book well enough, but it was just a bit middling. I wasn’t overly invested in the characters or story and I found myself wondering how on earth this story could go on for another hundred pages. It was sweet, but ultimately I don’t think the story will stick with me at all.

6. ちょっと今から仕事やめてくる - 北川恵海: This was another audiobook read and although I know I enjoyed it, I really don’t remember much about it. I’m also not sure if the twist, which I did think was really good, actually happened or was something I misunderstood (I’m pretty sure I understood it though). Overall, this one goes on the to-reread pile, just as soon as I can find a physical copy of it.

5. 旅猫リポート - 有川浩: This was an adorable story perfect for cat lovers, but the end had me a little bored. Honestly though, it was quite the experience to go from being a bit bored to crying my eyes out in the span of ten pages. The writing style and the main cat’s perspective was super charming as well.

4. 人間失格 - 太宰治: This was my first classic in Japanese and wasn’t as difficult as I expected. Dazai’s writing style is a pain in the ass, but I will admit that it started to grow on me as the book went on and now I find it endearing. It also wasn’t as depressing as I had heard it was, and I really enjoyed getting a perspective of that time period.

3. 美しい彼 - 凪良ゆう: I only read one volume of this, probably exclusively because I suddenly couldn’t stand romance when I had fifty pages left of this. What can I say, I love a good toxic gay romance. The writing style is chronically readable and the story is super engaging.

2. No. 6 - あさのあつこ: I’m a fan of the anime for this and the novels have not let me down. I’ve only read two so far, but the story and characters are super gripping. I really love the emphasis on dialogue in this series, I really feel like it makes the characters pop more. The only problem I have is this odd quirk in Asano’s writing style, where the majority of the series is told from third person point of view, but will suddenly switch to first person point of view for a single sentence. It’s not enough to deter me, but it is a little odd to see.

1. キノの旅 - 時雨沢恵一: My number one favorite read in Japanese this year and no one should be surprised. I’m a massive Kino fan and read three volumes this year. I love books that I can analyze the hell out of and this is exactly that. Additionally, I think the writing style and the way both Kino and Hermes are characterized adds so much to both the stories and the underlying meanings that Shigusawa is trying to get across.

#some of these reviews are so vague because I read them so long ago #but some are vague because I’m like. it was good. I enjoyed it. next #but also there are some where I’m holding myself back so hard #god I wanted to rip 宝石商リチャード APART that book made me so mad in so many ways #sometimes I feel like the more I like a book the less I have to say about it #langblr #studyblr #studyinspo #polyglot #japanese langblr #日本語 #language learning #booklr #bookblr #benkyou posting #studying #this post is a lie because i havent quite finished my twelfth book #(as of writing this because im not sure when itll be posted. queue vibes)#but i completely intend to finish it before the end of the month and i dont think it will be difficult to do so

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watchmegetobsessed · 2 years

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POWER COUPLE

A/N: i've had this idea stuck on my mind all week so had to write it! also, im not sure if wearing a doctoral title as a lawyer is common in other places but it is in my country so for the sake of the story lets pretend it is everywhere lol

WORD COUNT: 1k

SUMMARY: You're an independent and strong woman and Harry loves that about you. He won't let anyone belittle you by dropping your doctoral title.

MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!

Harry has never met a more confident and independent woman that you. Partially it’s what swept him off his feet when he first met you six years ago, still working on your degree. The way you took no shit from anyone, stepped up for yourself no matter what and could solve any and every problem that way thrown your way, Harry has been admiring you since day one. You never needed anyone to be complete, let alone a man, so he took it as a gift and a privilege that you chose him to be your partner.

He was there by your side when you earned your doctoral title, finishing law school with exceptional grades and on top of your class. He was the first one to welcome you as Dr. Y/N Y/L/N after your graduation and he couldn’t be prouder of the woman you’d become in front of his eyes.

When marriage came up between the two of you, he wasn’t surprised how clear ideas you had about what you wanted and didn’t want.

“Don’t take it personal, but I don’t want to take your last name,” you told him. He remembers it as if it happened yesterday. He proposed to you just a week before that and you were flipping through a wedding magazine as the two of you were chilling on the big orange couch you chose for the living room. At first Harry didn’t think it would fit in the room, but as always, you were right and it’s still one of his favorite furniture in your shared home.

Your leg was across his lap, one of his hands on your knee, the other one holding his phone as he scrolled through some emails.

“I’m not taking it personal,” he smiled and that was the truth. “Just curious why.”

“Because I worked hard for my title and I earned it as Y/N Y/L/N. I want it to be fully mine and I also think it’s a bit outdated for women to take the man’s surname,” you simply reasoned and Harry expected no less from you. A straight and clear answer he could not argue with.

Therefore, when the two of you got married a little less than a year later, no names were changed. However the rest of the world didn’t seem to understand or care for the choice you made, because on a daily basis you get referred to as Y/N Styles. Wrong surname and lack of title.

You always correct others when they call you Y/N Styles and Harry does the same. At this point you’re expecting it whenever you have a public appearance, which doesn’t happen that often. You have your own career and Harry has his own. Whenever he wants you there with him, needs your support you’re more than happy to, but essentially he is the main character in his story. He gives you the same support, as a lawyer you’re fighting to make the world greener, a cause that was always close to your heart and though with Harry’s name you could basically reach the stars, he only interferes with your cases when you ask him to, which doesn’t happen often. You want to reach your goals on your own and work for them as hard as you can.

You’re truly a power couple, though Harry often jokes that you give seventy percent of the power in the relationship.

Tonight is Harry’s night. It’s the Grammy’s and his latest album, Harry’s House was nominated as well as your husband himself for an award and there was no question in him that he wants his wife there with him on the red carpet.

Standing in line, waiting to step out to the carpet you fix Harry’s jacket, he’s wearing a bright yellow set with flower pattern all over, his pants are held up by a vintage belt which has a giant strawberry in the front and of course, he has no shirt on, flashing his chiseled chest to the public. Your dress matches the yellow tone, but it’s definitely not a statement piece, giving him all the attention, though he couldn’t stop raving about how good you look in it when you first showed it to him.

“Nervous?” you ask him with a soft smile, your hand returning to hold his.

“Not when you’re with me,” he answers and your heart still swoons whenever he flirts with you like this, no matter that you’re married.

“Alright, rockstar,” you chuckle.

At the beginning of the carpeted aisle there’s a woman holding up signs with the names of the celebrities entering the line. It’s nothing new, you’re used to it, it helps photographers keep track of who they are shooting currently. However as the two of you step out to the red carpet and take your first pose, you notice what’s written on the little board in the woman’s hands.

Harry Styles and Y/N Styles.

You choose not to comment on it or make a big deal out of it. Tonight is Harry’s night and you wouldn’t take the attention away from him, so you just keep smiling. But Harry spots it too and he doesn’t let it slide.

“H?” you ask when he slips out of your hold and walks over to the woman.

“Does anyone have a pen?” he asks around, the photographers keep shooting the interaction as someone hands him a marker. He asks for the board and with a swift movement he crosses out the Styles surname in your name and replaces it with your real family name, then adds Dr. at the front before handing it back to the woman.

Harry Styles and Dr. Y/N Y/L/N, reads the sign now as Harry returns to by your side as if nothing happened.

“Thank you, baby,” you whisper, giving his waist a gentle squeeze.

“My wife is super cool and smart and a badass lawyer, want to show that off,” he smiles down at you and though you’re not a fan of PDA at public events, you can’t stop yourself from stealing a quick kiss that of course gets photographed a million times in those two seconds by the press.

The moment makes headlines by the morning along with your husband winning every Grammy he was nominated for, strengthening your status as a power couple once again.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

#harry #styles #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles oneshot #harry styles one shot #harry styles fluff #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles blurb

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ninja-muse · 4 months

Text

2023 Reading Wrap-up

I feel like this year was pretty average in terms of my reading. Some great books, some awful books, a lot of books in the middle. And while I feel as if I kept hitting slumps, I don’t think my stats really reflect that. I kept reading and even though I didn’t hit my goal of 140 books, that’s more because I read more thick and dense books, spent more time writing, and am one year further from the direness of 2020 and 2021.

This also seems to have been the year of T. Kingfisher for me (and also Ursula Vernon). I read several of her horror novels, as well as Digger and a bunch of the ebooks she makes free for patrons, which are really easy go-tos when you want something light and right now. I was kind of surprised when I realized she was my top author because usually that’s Seanan McGuire.

And I read more ebooks in general, because why should I wait for two months for the library to get a physical book in circulation when I can wait two weeks for it to come in on Libby? I’m still trying to reserve Libby use for lighter, faster, less involved books, because I tend to end up skimming a little more and there’s something about physical paper that helps me retain info better when the text is dense.

Now, stats! Yearly total: 128, excluding rereads and picture books Queer books: 44 (34%) Authors of colour: 15 (11.7%) Books by women: 74.5 (58%) Authors outside the binary: 7.5 (5.8%) Canadian authors: 14 (10.9%) Off the TBR shelves: 39 (30.4%) Books hauled: 41 ARCs acquired: 57 ARCs unhauled: 60 DNFs: 9 Rereads: 3 Picture Books: 6

If you look at last year’s stats and the year before’s, I’m pretty much holding steady in terms of my diverse reading—a little more than a third queer, about 60% female and 10% Canadian, around 6% gender-diverse authors. I’m way down on authors of colour though, and I didn’t hit my stretch goal of 20 Canadians, so those are things I’ll have to pay attention to in the year to come. It would be nice if I could manage more queer books too, but that’s not something I’m going to try for quite as much.

Two of my reading goals for the year were to read more books from my TBR than I acquired, and to keep my ARC levels about even. Seems like I pretty much hit them! I expect that 2024 will see fewer book acquisitions because a lot of my 2023 haul was bookstore visits with my dad and we’ve now hit pretty much every store in the city. I was honestly kind of surprised that my ARC problem stands where it does. I was so sure that I was going to have at least 10 more incoming books than outgoing. Go me! My spring ARC purge really, really helped.

I did all right on the rest of my reading goals. All but one book read (The Great Cat Massacre), which was the real point of the list! I only managed to finish one StoryGraph challenge, if you don’t count my pages goal, and as always I failed to read as many classics as I wanted. I’m starting to suspect I’m not a classics person, despite my interest in history and historical fiction. If anyone has classics recs for me, let me know?

To be completely honest, though, I'm not sure I'm going to continue posting to Tumblr. I pretty much stopped updating my feed in the summer and I've felt more relaxed, both in terms of Things To Do Each Day but also in terms of my reading. When I was more active on here, I felt pressured to read diversely at all times and though I try to have a healthy spread of perspectives, I know that I generally don't and am therefore a bad person by Tumblr standards. I am curious what my mutuals have been getting up to this year so please, sound off! And let me know if you do want to see reviews and wrap-ups continue here.

(Friendly reminder that I'm ninjamuse on Storygraph and LibraryThing, if you'd like to follow me there.)

And if anyone’s interested, here are the rest of my year’s highlights:

Top Five Fiction (not ranked)

The Hollow Places - T. Kingfisher

Menewood - Nicola Griffith

Bookshops and Bonedust - Travis Baldree

A Half-Built Garden - Ruthanna Emrys

The Adventures of Amina Al-Sirafi - Shannon Chakraborty

Top Five Non-Fiction (not ranked)

Magisteria - Nicholas Spencer

Diary of a Misfit - Casey Parks

Evidence of Things Seen - Sarah Weinman, editor

Lay Them to Rest - Laurah Norton

Like Every Form of Love - Padma Viswanathan

Most Impressed By:

Shubeik Lubeik - Deena Mohamed

Diary of a Misfit - Casey Parks

The Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard

A Half-Built Garden - Ruthanna Emrys

Most Disappointing:

Tortilla Flat - John Steinbeck

British Columbiana - Josie Teed

A Killing in Costumes - Zac Bissonette

Tauhou - Kōtuku Titihuia Nuttall

Longest Book: The Hands of the Emperor - Victoria Goddard

Best queer book: Diary of a Misfit - Casey Parks

Did I beat 2022? No. Did I beat my Best Year Ever? No. That would be 2021. Did I read more classics? Not even close. Did I read more Canadians? No. I held about steady. Did I whittle my TBR shelves down any? No. Was it a good reading year? Probably about average?

Breakdowns by month:

January February March April May June July August September October November December

#reading wrap-ups #read in 2023 #reading stats #rec lists

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rhythmic-idealist · 9 months

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The shorter (better) version of this post that contains every detail ever— Some of you know my partner @crimeronan.

(This is the part where I gush about my partner. You can skip down a few paragraphs if you wanna.)

If you do know—or know of—Kitkat, you might know them as a resource, or as a writer, or as that person who has been known to sit down and write six paragraphs of advice to the scared young person in their inbox.

Watching their blog I see people trading autoimmune stories, younger queer and polyamorous people asking questions about what it's like to be in your mid twenties and settled into those things, and people who found stories who resonated in ways stories don't always succeed at.

Or maybe not! That’s my platonic partner of four years. Happy to introduce u.

(This is the part you can skip forward to.)

If you ARE aware of Kitkat, you might know a little about their running 2+ year health mystery, and about the recent updates that it is FINALLY starting to be solved. Kitkat has been too sick to work consistently for a very long time, has lost multiple freelance writing clients to ChatGPT, and has been doing physical gig delivery work to try to make up the gap—while remaining too sick to work a majority of the time.

This post exists because their car broke down.

To say the money situation is already tight would be, though I’m sorry to put it like this, understated. Basically: because of this auto repair bill, they’re not going to be able to make rent.

A little info about what we're doing moving forward: I'm gonna be moving in next month, finding a job that will train me instead of the original plan of finishing trade school first (I'm happy about this turn of events for many reasons! Just explaining where I fit in the whole financial constellation). And at that point, I'm gonna be helping with bills, since Kitkat's entire focus right now should be on getting well again. I expect we as a group will probably be okay once I’m in Oregon and more established/able to help out with the household income.

The problem is just that things aren’t there yet, and this isn't money we're going to be able to make back later. Kitkat has been too sick to work consistently for much too long, and that's just untenable without looking for community support right now.

Kitkat has limited mobility and is going to need to get to upcoming appointments, and speaking honestly, also just really needs access to a car to make things like groceries feasible. She’s not the only one in the apartment with limited mobility or chronic pain.

The bill has come out to $717.80.

As of now, rent money has been used to pay it—the car has been repaired now, but that money was for rent and daily expenses. There is already financial assistance in play, particularly Medicaid. As it stands, because of this bill, they're not going to make rent.

To account for GoFundMe's fees of 2.9% + $0.30 per transaction, the goal has been set to $750.

If you’re in any way able to give, the link is here: https://gofund.me/c0f9d7fe

Otherwise, a share goes a really long way.

Thank you a ton for reading this far. Please know: this post is an appeal to those among us who have disposable income and are looking to donate some of it. Take care.

Thank you.

$1,478/750

Date posted: July 27th, 2023 Updated: August 10th, 2023 because I noticed donations are still trickling in wah??????? 🥹😭

#mutual aid #kitkat car gfm

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bettsfic · 5 days

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I’m taking another break from writing and I really want this break to be different so that when/if I go back to writing I’ll actually stick with it and have some of my walls pulled down so that I have less resistance to working on a project. Do you have any tips on how to step away from a project to recoup mentally and then go back feeling ready to tackle writing a novel again?

I don’t want to just avoid writing by watching tv and stuff but also be ready for a new project:

If this helps, here’s what happened:

I was working on a story idea off and on for 6 months and I noticed it becoming a story I did not plan on and one I didn’t think my skill set was ready for. It made me avoid the project for days at a time or build up walls around the idea of writing because I have attempted this thing for 2 years now with no significant progress. Just starting and stopping an idea and hating myself and slowly hating writing in the process with each failure.

As someone who is goal oriented I set mile stones, like query in 5 years finish my first novel this year,etc….

But it feels daunting when you stand on square one and feel like your ideas not right or your not skilled, people are going to hate it, and you are afraid of self-inserts(I don’t like to read self-inserts so I’d hate to write one of my own by accident).

So now I’m burnt out and has lost touch with what’s fun about writing.

it's interesting that you mention the idea of walls multiple times here. that seems to be both the problem and the solution. it sounds like you're writing from two different minds: the half of you feeling creative and inspired, and the half who wants to do the job to the standards you set yourself.

the problem is that you can't do one task with both minds, so you have to give each their own task. the half of you that wants to make something and have a good time with it can become the generative half. you use that energy to plot, draft, daydream, etc. the other half of you needs to do something they're good at, because they don't seem to be very helpful with generation.

my recommendation is to create an independent study for yourself. this project sounds very important to you, and you want to do it justice, and that means that second half of you needs to devote itself to developing the scaffolding that will allow your generative side to build the thing you want to make. if you've done any kind of teaching before, great. if not, think back to how your favorite class you've ever taken was structured and go off of that. write a whole syllabus if that sounds fun to you (creating syllabi is very fun for me).

most people i know see everything in one step: do the thing. but try breaking all your goals up into at least two steps: teach yourself how to do the thing, then do the thing. especially for people like you who are goal driven and organized (and probably were/are very good students), it can be extremely fun and satisfying to become your own teacher.

here are some individual activities you can try that i think might keep you focused on your project and relieve the burnout:

write a list of learning objectives. this can be anything from specific craft mechanics to mindfulness and meditation.

create a reading list. find some relevant texts that will help inform your project. you say, "I don’t want to just avoid writing by watching tv and stuff," but if you watch tv through the lens of your project, it becomes a productive exercise. take notes, then organize and index your notes. personally, i love taking notes about the tv i watch and then indexing my notes.

craft small assignments that use what you learned from the reading list to reach the learning objectives. if one of your learning objectives is "learn how to write in first person," you take your favorite first-person reading and use it as a prompt for a short piece of prose.

make a final assignment. maybe your final assignment is a drafting plan (not an outline) for how you want to tackle your return to drafting. maybe it's a sample/practice chapter of your project. maybe it's an actual "what i learned in this course" style book report.

this isn't advice i would give to everyone. there are a lot of writers out there who would read this and go "absolutely fucken not" because they are the "just do it and see what happens" sort, or they had such a horrible primary education that the thought of framing creativity within the structure of a course seems agonizing. but for writers who get in their own way, who have both tastes and ideas that outweigh their current skill level, i definitely recommend training your scaffolding brain to tasks that are more actionable, and taking the time to learn what you want to write before writing it.

#writing advice #writers' block #pedagogy #process

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gatitties · 2 years

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Incorrect quotes

─ Dbd x gn!teen!reader

─ Summary: just you being you

─ Warnings: none

*(I will be using y/n for this chapter)*

6 < 7 > 8

You: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.

Amanda: You don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.

Ghostface: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Y/n have been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get them out...

You: You know, not every problem can be solved with an axe.

Huntress: That's why I carry more than one axe.

Dwight: What are your goals?

You: To pet all the dogs.

Dwight: No, fitness goals.

You: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs.

Demogorgon: *happy noises on the background*

Feng Min: It’s dark in here.

You: Don't worry, I got this.

You: *Stomp your feet*

You: *Skechers light up*

You: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.

Ghostface: We're the best thing that happened to you?

Frank: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

Nurse: You know those things will kill you, right?

You, pouring another glass of whiskey, lightning a cigarette and taking a raw cookie dough: That’s the point.

Meg: David, I'm sad.

David: *Hold out arms for a hug* I'ts going to be okay.

Steve: Hey y/n, I'm sad.

You: yeah, me too.

You: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Julie: Not if they consent to it.

Joey: Depends who you're stabbing.

Susie: Do it.

Dwight, banging on the door: Y/n! Open up!

You: Well, it all started when I installed Twitter...

Kate: No, he meant-

Claudette: Let them finish.

You, threatening the others with an amongus suit: Listen... life comes at us fast. We don't know what life is gonna give us... and today, it's gonna give you... amogus inflatable suits!

Entity, going over your resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.

You: yes.

Entity: Okay... may I know what you create?

You: Problems.

Jake, addressing the survivors: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.

Nancy: But that's just a trash can.

You: Innovative, I like it.

Quentin: You often use humor to deflect trauma.

You: Thank you.

Quentin: I didn't say that was a good thing.

You: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny.

You, arriving at the exit of a game: Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things.

*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*

Trickster: THEY PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.

Yui Kimura: We need a distraction.

Tapp: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

You, whispering: My time has come.

*Some characters reacting to y/n saying 'I love you'*

Claudette: Thank you!

David: Oh no, what do you want?

Demogorgon: *Happy gurgles*

Bubba: *A flustered mess*

Freddy: Sounds fake but okay.

Jake: can I get a refund?

You: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

Huntress: Have everyone stand.

Wraith: Bring three more chairs.

Amanda: The most important ones can sit down.

Freddy: Kill three.

Tapp: Good morning.

Kate: Good morning.

Cheryl: Good morning.

Ace: Ya'll sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

You: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS *throw a slice of cheese in Ace's face*

You: Fool me once, I’m gonna kill my self again.

You: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Ghostface: Oh yeah? You're the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD.

You: I'm leaving you, and I'M TAKING SUSIE WITH ME.

Julie, picking up the monopoly board: I think we're gonna stop playing now.

You: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Hillbilly: The cow???

*Preparing to sleep*

You: Goodnight moon.

You: Goodnight tree.

You: Good night ghost that only I can see.

Ghostface, looking from the window: no one had ever cared so much about me.

You: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress... welp *keep watching tiktok*

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christopher-bangnaldoskzz · 2 years

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When you breakup with him and he returns your house key - BANGCHAN

Bnagchan x Reader

Genre: 🌶️🌶️🌶️

Word Count: 1.2k

Summary: When you break up with him and he returns your house key.

Warnings: protected sex (don’t be silly wrap that silly) foreplay, cum, penitration if you aren't 18 or over please do not read.

AN: Okay, based off a true event lol not how it really went down however if it was chan it totally would have.

Taglist: @bellamuerte1987 @shellyyy177 @nightrayseishina @daceydeath (let me know if you would like to be tagged in future posts)

Masterlist

You had recently broken it off with your boyfriend chan, who was an amazing human being, it's just you didn't fit together anymore, and your life goals aren't the same.

It's night three by yourself in your now semi-empty apartment listening to Latina music in your T-shirt and underwear while making dinner.

You hear a faint knock on the door and check your security cameras to see who it is "fuck it, chan", you say to yourself, he was supposed to drop them off tomorrow night. You answer the door, and he looks you up and down, then smirks "ha answering the door in your underwear, now are we" he chuckled.

"I knew it was you….what do you want, chan?" You say, unimpressed by his comment.

"I was on my way home and thought I'd give the unit key back now" you opened the screen door to retrieve the key from him.

He looked different, softer than usual. He looked defeated, like this was a battle he could not win. You felt for him because it wasn't easy to side-swipe him the way you did. Chan definitely did not see this break-up coming.

"Thanks for giving me the key back", you smile. He sticks his hands in his pockets and looks away.

"Yep, no problem," he says, rocking his feet heel to toe and back.

"Are you ummm hungry….." his eyes snap back to you, and he immediately stops rocking.

"I am a little, yeah", his hand on the back of his neck. You still have this way of making his stomach twist with nervousness.

"I have some spaghetti if you want to eat it" you open the door for him, and he takes a hesitant step inside.

"You sure it's alright if I stay for dinner?" He stands awkwardly as you take two plates out of the cupboard.

"Chan, can you just relax…. you're making it so awkward", you laugh, and he hesitates to sit at the table.

You serve him up a bowl and place it on the table. "Can I ask you a question?" He says as you sit down.

"Sure, I guess", you say, biting into the garlic bread.

"When did you stop loving me?" He was playing with his fork.

"I never stopped loving you, chan…we just aren't on the same page at the moment".

………

After you both finish eating, chan once again shoves his hands in his pocket "well, I better go…thank you for dinner" he pecks your lips, almost like he forgot you two had broken up.

"I am so sorry-"you kiss him back, a shock to chan at first, but soon his hands wrap around you as he pulls you in and walks you back towards the couch.

"God, I've missed you," he said, lying you down.

Kissing down your neck and lifting his head to smile down at you. "This doesn't mean we are back together, chan", you make a point of saying as he leans down and kisses your lips.

"I know….but I'm horny, and you're the only one I want…so let's just have some fun" he runs his hand up the inside of your shirt, tracing his fingers across your stomach.

"Is it okay if I take your shirt off" you nodd as he slowly lifts you up so he can pull your shirt over your head?

"Okay….okay…why am I so nervous" he giggled "I've done this a million times with you….but I'm so nervous" you lift his T-shirt over his head, revealing his god-like body. You did regret breaking up with him a little bit at this point because the sex aspect of your relationship never failed.

"Just relax, okay… we don't have to do this if you don't want to", you reassure him as you trail along his pants line.

"I really, really want to, " he says, kissing you while pushing back down on the couch, now kissing down your shoulder blades.

"There's not a lot of room on here…should we take this to the bedroom?" He grins. He picks you up, walking you to the bed you've shared for years. His hand unclasped your bra as his hand roamed your back. He reached your bedroom and laid you on the bed. He pulled off your bra and, with both of his hands, locked fingers with yours, pulling them above your head.

"I want to know I didn't come here to get you back… I just want you to be happy" you lean up and kiss him partly because you missed his kindness and touch, and the other just wanted him to shut up and fuck you already.

"Can we stop talking now" you smile as you pull away?

"Yep…good idea," he says, letting go of your hands. You tail your finger under his pants to signal him to take them off. Chan doing just that. He pulls his pants and boxers down, revealing his hard cock. As he rolls his body down onto yours for another heated kiss, his hard member now pressed against your core.

"Channie, please…" you moan, chan slowly rises, and it pulls the top draw open.

"Perfect, you kept them….kinda like you knew we'd be having sex again" he pulled out a condom, opened the packet with his mouth, and rolled it down his shaft.

"Let's get you nice and wet, hmm," he says, getting on his knees now face to face with your centre. He licks between your lips and slowly sucks on your clit, getting you nice and aroused.

"Mmmm, Channie", you moan as you grip the sheets. He got up and lined himself up with your entrance. He moans as he slowly pushes his way into your core "fuck me, you are so tight, baby" he leans down, giving over your body once more as he pauses to let you adjust to his prominent member.

You begin to grind your hips as he slowly pumps in you. "I don't know how long I'll last… this is so good", he moaned in your ear. He was so cute. He made you feel like the hottest person alive was just the icing on the cake.

"Come on, Channie…. Stay with me," you say, placing sloppy kisses on his ear. Stay with you, he did. He pounded deeper and deeper inside you, making you moan into his ear.

"Come on….just a little longer", he moans into your neck, his free hand starting to stimulate your clit, slowly circling.

"Oh, chan, please.." you clench down on his cock, and he stops stimulating your clit.

"You have never done that before", he moans, unclench and pulling his head up.

"Did I say stop?" he said, kissing you as he beings again circling your clit. You clench once more, but this is followed by an incredible orgasm.

"Oooooh, CHAN" you scream, chan not too far behind you creaming into his condom.

"Fuckkkk yeah", he moans. He helps you ride out your highs and then pulls outputting the condom into the bin in the corner of the room.

"I Ummm think I should probably go," he says, putting his pants back on.

"I think you should", you giggle.

"Well, thanks again for dinner…." You shimmy back into your undies and walk him to the door.

"I'm always here if you want to do that again" he smiles as he kisses you goodbye.

"I'll keep that in mind, thanks," you say as you close the screen door, watching chan walk out and to his car.

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drawloverlala · 1 year

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Hollow Knight- Hornet mask-

SHAW!!! 😆 haha, well I recently cosplayed Hornet from Hollow Knight and I wanted to share the process of how I did the mask!

1- Try outs

First I tried to figure out on a small scale how would this work, I used just paper to make mini models, the main goal was the it looked almost like it was all 1 piece, and I tried imagine it how it would be on maybe fabric, as one would do with a doll

the idea was also to give the face a curve, along with the horns, I didn’t want something that looked flat, so this worked pretty well for what I was looking for.

it’s something like this, not sure if this explains better:

I did a bigger one with the same paper, following the proportions of my face, so it would fit me, that worked out just well and I used it as a model for the second part

2- The Base

Following the model with the proportions of my face, with cardboard I did a new one, although this time, just for the face area.(the eyes area was made bigger than my actual eyes, by the way)

I used 2 because they weren’t big enough for the dimensions of a human head lol and I put them together with masking tape

I later put masking tape on the eyes part so that the part that was cut wasn’t too visible, and I added the horns with other kind of carboard, a lot more solid so they would stand firmly

I also added some more support to the frame of the face, so it would be also be more firm on it’s own.

And then I added some tissue paper so that the horns could have more volume

and I added a second layer of carboard, (and I made the eyes shape be more round) although this one was a lot more firm, to reinforce the mask, and I added a little on the side in between the horns and the face so the external shape of the mask was more round and uniform

3- Challenges and Finishing touches

OK, so this was the most challenging part, we chose foamy, or Eva Foamy(?) I’m not quite sure how it’s called on English, but we chose that to cover the mask, we thought that this material would make it look smooth, the problem was that, it wasn’t as flexible and maleable as we thought and part of it had some leftover folds on the curves, sort of like this

we didn’t want to cut anything on the face part specially, but we ended up having to cut some on the middle of the face anyways with ended up looking like it had a crack in the middle.

I would say, it worked for the most part, but we still had these problems, the most notable one being the cut on the middle of the face, we had to cover it with paste wall, this solved that issue, I later also thighed up the horns, I had to repaste them on a different way, so they would look more round (still looks pretty rough though 😅 but there it wasn’t enough time to keep polishing this thing lol)

my dad then painted the whole mask with white paint, so the paste wall wouldn’t be so visible and then when it was dry we added a black net on the eyes and an elastic band so it could be holding the head inside, it broke later on though lol

but yeah that was the final result! it’s not perfect, it doesn’t look as smooth as I wanted it to look, but it looks good enough!

Now that I have more time, I think I can polish it a bit more whenever I can.

#my ramblings #hornet #hollow knight hornet #hornet mask #hornet cosplay #hollow knight #cosplay

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emmabaginskyartwhimsy · 6 days

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Dear creative humans,

Do you keep having fun and interesting ideas only to shove them aside? Are you stuck in the all-too-familiar trap of “maybe one day…”

NO MORE! I’m tired of doing that and this is how I’m going to do it.

The Project

An idea for a Silly Goose Themed Tarot deck popped into my head last week, and I was like, oh absolutely. Then I started sketching, and I knew it was over for me. I needed this thing to exist.

The only issue is I’ve never attempted a project this big. A tarot deck has 78 cards in it. That’s s e v e n t y - e i g h t individual drawings AND a booklet that describes each card. This would be a serious undertaking.

The first step in starting a project is figuring out: why?

The “why” is the most important step. People seem to forget that these creative projects are a lot of hard work. If you don’t have a satisfying enough “why”, your brain will throw every excuse at you as to why you should logically give up. A silly little defense mechanism our organic vessels came up with to protect us from anything painful. Even when it’s good for us.

The problem is that growth is painful. So if you ever want to grow, you’re gonna have to get used to being uncomfortable.

Your “why” should be (mostly) internally motivated. Remember, the only thing you can control is yourself. If the reason for your creative pursuit is external validation (e.i, Internet likes & money), you are giving away your power to forces you have no control over. So inevitably, when you only get a handful of likes, you are much more likely to give up and think “what’s the point?”

The point is creating something that never existed before! There are things in your soul that will never be made unless you take the leap.

Reasons why I am undertaking this project:

#1: This is a fun concept that needs to exist

I love tarot and think it is a helpful tool. Making my own deck will help me connect with the cards, especially because I have to research the card meanings.

I really want to hold the finished deck

Improve my digital painting skills

Starting and finishing a project like this will allow me to build skills that I need for future BIGGER projects.

I will have a cool product to sell at Art Fairs!

My mind, body, and soul are all on board 👍

“I am not afraid of a little hard work” (if you know, you know)*

Not only am I going to be making a tarot deck, I am also committing to documenting the process on social media. This adds another layer of difficulty.

Reason why I am posting on social media:

#1: Recording the process and writing everything down will help me process my thoughts. Which will hopefully make condensing my thoughts into the booklet easier.

Sharing my interest with others! I might get people interested in tarot & teach people a little bit about tarot cards.

Internet footprint: If my legacy in life is being the “Silly Goose Lady,” that's a win.

Documenting growth. A good way to visualize progress.

Grow an audience that vibes with me

People might like it and want to purchase it when it’s finished

Inspire others to make their own creative projects

Okay so, now what? Wanting to do something and actually doing something are two entirely different beasts. The only thing standing between me and my goal is me.

How to control chaos incarnate?

The chaos goblin inside me hates the idea of structure. Nobody can tell me what to do, especially me.

“What if all this planning stifles my creative energy?” Cries the goblin.

This is where self-awareness comes in handy. The goblin loves exploration, which is both a good and a bad thing. If you let the goblin take the lead, you’ll never know quite where you’ll end up. My goblin is easily distracted and, more often than not, has led me to a bunch of dead ends.

Creating structure is not something you should fear as an artist. Instead of ridgid unforgiving chains, think of the planning process like bumpers in a bowling lane. A good plan will contain the goblin to the task at hand while still having fun in the process.

Making a good plan in 5 Steps

Making a good plan is all about thinking ahead and making most of the decisions now so you don’t get decision fatigue later. Otherwise, things get messy and overwhelming pretty quickly.

1. Set a time frame

If you want to reach the finish line, you need to set a pace. Be realistic. Life comes with many responsibilities. How much time is this project going to take you?

I’m measuring this project by cards per week. I did the math on how long it would take me to finish 78 cards.

1 card/week = 78 weeks → October 2025 [1.5 years]

2 cards/week = 39 weeks → January 2025 [9 Months]

3 cards/week = 26 weeks → October 2024 [6 Months]

4 cards/week = 20 weeks → September 2024 [5 Months]

In the grand scheme of life, whether you achieve something in 5 months or 1.5 years doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you got it done. Aim for a pace that is sustainable for you. Burn out is a very real struggle. Life is all about balance.

As I continue the project, I will be able to readjust my expectations accordingly. I imagine that the rate of production will fluctuate but I’m aiming to complete 3 cards per week.

2. Set project constraints/parameters

Put down that pitchfork, Chaos Goblin, and let me explain.

Limiting yourself is actually good for creativity.

I need each illustration to feel like they are a part of the same world. I’m achieving that goal by limiting things like color palette, subject, and art style.

By choosing to keep the same parameters for each of the 78 illustrations, I am freeing myself from the overwhelming task of making a bunch of decisions over and over again. That’s when a project really gets messy and overwhelming.

When in doubt, simplify.

For my project, each tarot card has a well established meaning that acts like a prompt. The Fool card, for example, is about new beginnings and taking the first step. The creative goblin gets to “silly goose-ify” this prompt without having to deal with the infinite well of choices.

3. Make a process that makes sense for you

How are you actually doing the thing? This is where the consistency really comes to play. A bad system will feel redundant and full of friction. If you hate doing a part of your project, you’re more likely to never pick it up again.

This is why I decided to draw each card digitally. This solves a lot of efficiency issues and will save me a lot of time. Imagine having to drag a tripod and camera around with me anytime I wanted to draw. The logistics of that sounds like my absolute nightmare. I only have one camera battery that lasts for about 30 - 45 mins for filming videos. Then, when I’m done, I have to scan every drawing into the computer anyway. No thank you.

Instead, I have an editing-software that screen records me while I’m drawing on my laptop/tablet. Now that’s easy 👍

4. Make a schedule

If you want this goal to come into reality, you need to put time into it. How much time is up to you, everyone's life situation is different. Remember, small consistent blocks of time are all you need to make significant progress.

I am currently a stay at home parent to a very young child. This comes with its own set of advantages and drawbacks. I spend most days looking after my son but I’ve carved out a strategy that works well for my situation.

I broke down the different tasks of my projects and assigned them to each day of the work week. This way I know exactly what I should be working on each day.

My work day bounces from nap to nap but most of my free time is at night after the baby goes to sleep around 6:30pm.

5. Set Boundaries & Priorities

Now here’s where I fight back a little on “hustle culture.” Life is meant to be lived, not toiled away. Make sure you take time for yourself. Time spent taking care of your mind, body, and soul is not wasted. The well of creativity needs replenishing, so breaks are actually a very efficient use of your time.

And FOR PETE’S SAKE, GO TO BED. The work will wait for you. Your brain needs to sleep in order to process all the information it took in today. “Sleep on it” is indeed a real thing. You might wake up with a new idea on how to fix whatever ailed you yesterday.

For me, my family takes priority. My husband works during the week, so I try to keep the weekends open for fun family outings or cozy days inside.

Our children will only be young once. I am making it a point to enjoy the time we spend together instead of stressing about a “lack of free time.” For me, my children will always be my greatest work. On the hard days, I remind myself that there will be a time where I don’t have small hands clinging to me as I try to put the dishes away. They will be off on their own adventures and I will miss those small hands very dearly.

Some closing thoughts

Remember that your plan should be flexible. Just because you mess up doesn’t mean you need to give up entirely. Take a second to go back over the plan and change the things that aren’t working. Failure is only a temporary learning state. It is not something you need to carry with you.

So go forth and create some things we’re never seen before.

The only thing left to do is take the leap.

Good luck, I’m rooting for you.

Emma

*Guess that kid’s TV show. Of course it’s Bluey lol.

#art #artist advice #tarot cards #tarot community #goblincore #silly goose #goblin #digitalart #the fool #starting a blog #strategy #planning #cute

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hel7l7 · 2 years

Photo

I usually never do this, but for this one I just felt like I had to. A lil explanation of this written piece.

I spent a little too long at my parents’ place this week. And sometimes this is fine, and sometimes it isn’t so fine. When I still lived at home I wasn’t well. My eating disorder and destructive behaviour were out of control and this caused a lot of fights. I was obsessed with my sister and feared deeply for her wellbeing. I wanted to make sure she would never feel the way I did so kept an eye on her at all times. Which was horribly suffocating for her and made things worse instead of better. Every little discussion between my siblings and my parents would be interrupted by me, and I always just made everything worse so they would get mad at me instead of my siblings. At that time I thought I was doing the right thing by protecting them from my parents. Now I see that I took every chance for them to stand up for themselves, every normal child/parent discussion experience was hijacked by me and turned into a massive fight over basically nothing. When I was 18 my mom and I spend too much time in the same house, she worked from home and I refused to go to school or do anything outside of the house really. ( That’s on the Anxiety Disorder ) We are both pretty intense people and this just caused more and more fights. I didn’t see how sick I was and how it was my responsibility to change. (But I also really did not know how to fix the mess I had gotten into. Especially not while living in the environment that was part of the problem. ) I couldn’t get treatment because my eating disorder was too bad for the borderline-therapists to be able to treat me and my borderline caused all eating disorder centers to refuse to help me. I was on my own and it felt like it would never get better.

Long story short, in the end I moved out to a place where I could live on my own with support from professionals who were there for me when I needed them. It was something I both wished for and something that I feared a lot. (thanks to anxiety again.) But I had to go, I knew that staying at home would in the end ruin us all.

It has been about 3 years since I moved out and a lot has changed since then. I don’t have an eating disorder anymore, and I am currently in inpatient treatment for my bpd. Some days I can’t even imagine how it was to still live at home while I was so sick. I can’t imagine doing the things I did then. I can’t imagine the things I said to my mother during the worst periods. Although I can see how sick I was back then ( anorexia fucking ruined every nice thing about me ) I still feel horribly guilty for all that I made my family go through.

Being back home this week brought back a lot of memories, a lot of guilt. A little thing happens and I feel myself slipping back into that girl I was. I feel how I panic when my sister and my mom get in an argument, how I want to control it all. I don’t act on my urges anymore. I know they are just fine even when I don’t intervene on every little argument. They have their lives to live. They have their battles to fight. And I can be there for my sister when she needs me, but I cannot take each inconvenience away from her before it even happens. And I see it in others too, I don’t finish my food because I’m not hungry and their mood shifts. Someone comments on it and we all travel back to a time where I was 14 and each meal was a fight.

And it hurts. It hurts so much to see how much pain I caused them. And I know it is not all my fault. It was all the different circumstances and people together that caused everything to happen the way it did. And we all have our part in this. I know that they know that I didn’t do it on purpose. That it was never my goal to hurt them. And the last part of the writing is about me loving them. I feel like I don’t show this enough, and haven’t showed it enough in the past. How grateful I am, and how much love I carry for them all. ( And therefore the repeat of the last sentence.)

#and I know that this guilt still needs somethign #some therapy i guess #but it is a part i'll have to get through i guess #it feels like for the first time in my life i'm able to look back at all that happened

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nonkosherian · 11 months

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Off With His Head!

So I put that I am a game designer in my Bio and then never actually post about game design 😅

Well I have a game coming out soon so let's change that!

This is about my game soon to be on Kickstarter (the plan is to have the preorder started before the end of the year). It’s called “Off with His Head!” and is set during the French Revolution. A fully cooperative game where you conspire to throw King Louis to the angry mob outside before he gets the idea to do the same to you.

But it wasn't always a historical game. In the beginning it wasn't even a cooperative game. Heck it barely had a theme in the first iteration! This is going to be a story about how it got from being a goofy little idea in my head to the point where it was polished enough to be spotted in the wild by a publisher and it became a game you can (soon) buy.

This story started when I was looking at a game design contest. It was held by Button Shy, and the goal was to make a game that did not use a table and had 18 cards or less as the only components.

I started thinking about a game where you stand in a circle and pass cards from hand to hand. Each player would always end up with the same number of cards after any given passing of cards. Then working from that mindset I tried to think of a reason for people to be passing cards around. I settled on the Players needing to collect 3 of the same card in hand at the same time to win. And I called it “Here Have This.” A Friendly take that game.

This is one of my first cards. This whole game was thrown together in Google Draw in an afternoon. Always remember “MVP, Minimum Viable Product” it doesn't have to be pretty, it just needs to work.

This game was in the final 10 or so of that contest but did not make it to the finish line. I was a little put out by that at the time, but looking back on it even a few weeks later I had to admit this game had some major flaws.

For starters LOOK AT HOW MUCH TEXT IS ON THAT CARD! That’s waaaaaaay to much to read and keep in your head. Funnily enough this first problem would not be corrected until the update after next. I think I was like “I will find a more concise way to say this later, the card is fine.” then the Narrator said “He didn't find a more concise way to say it.”

The bigger problems were that 1) it was very possible given the structure of the game that one player could be completely ignored for the entire game. And 2) it felt entirely random who won because it was almost impossible to plan ahead in any meaningful way.

This is King Maker!

So the next big update would fix those 2 issues. Because I was no longer under the restrictions of the contest I could use the table again! And I was no longer limited to using 18 cards or less. So I added a new card called a “Door” that sat in front of each player. If the door was on the “open” side, you could pass a card to that player. Once they got a card they flipped the door to the “Closed” side. If all doors were closed then everyone flipped the doors back to “open.” This was clunky but it did fixt the issue where players were being skipped/ignored all game.

Now to solve the planning problem I changed the victory condition so that 2 players won. The “King” and the person who made them King or “KIng Maker.” The idea would be that players can now “collude” with each other in order to win the game.

This version had lots of issues in general. Top among them being that it was still a little too random feeling for most players. I can’t remember who suggested it but someone put the idea in my head for a “robot” player at the table that everyone was trying to make “win.” And so the next big update was born!

Oh look! I finally split this card in half! I remember splitting lots of cards that got too complicated, not just this one. (Heck I’m not showing you that the Assassin used to be more complex than what you see here, and half of that card’s text got split off into its own thing.)

The “Door” in the last version were way to fiddly, so I replaced them with “Chairs” the idea being that everyone was pushing people (cards) into chairs around the table, trying to influence the hand of the “Prince” (the Robot player I added to the game) so that he could be the winner of the game. The way Chairs helped improve the experience was that you would put the card passed to that player on the Chair card. Then when all the Chairs were full everyone would take the card in their chair into hand. This had the positive side effect of leaving a few cards in play in the middle of the round, so people could see how the cards were moving around the table a bit more clearly but it still left most information hidden.

This bit with the Robot and Chairs was a real game changer! It finally felt like I had something that (for the most part) worked and that I could tinker with and improve. Not just “rip the guts out and try something new” as is often the case in game design.

This also added a “Clock” to the game. After each round the clock would tick closer to midnight, if the Prince did not become King by then the Players would lose. Some cards gave you more time, and others moved time forward faster.

There was a problem that was spotted with this iteration of the game that I was about to fix. The issue was that when it came time for the Prince (the robot) to play a card he would always play to the person on his left. This made things predictable in a not fun way. I had a plan to fix it but just before I made the change I had a moment of total blind luck! A publisher happened to be at a testing event and liked the game! After talking with him I added my “Prince Fix” and got to work on a version that I could sell.

This was now “Off With His Head!” The basic rules and goals were still the same, but how it was framed was totally flipped. Now the Robot was the King of France, and the goal was to have the angry mob kill him while you and your friends snuck away. The “Clock” was replaced with a “Guillotine,” and once the “test cut” is done someone is going to die!

The “Prince Fix” is the little numbers and arrows you see on the cards. They dictate how far and in what direction the King will try to play the card. This makes how the king plays cards less predictable.

Honestly it was a lot of fun having 20+ tabs open on Wikipedia trying to find people and organizations that mapped onto the game mechanics I had already built. I also tried to include as many women as I could because I feel they get left out of most historic narratives. (also fun French Revolution fact, lots of lady Spies in France at the time.)

And now here is a little preview of how the final cards look in the hands of an actual artist!

Feel free to ask me anything about this design. It’s been a long road but I hope I’ve shown you that a game can fall on its face a dozen times before it finally starts to walk and run on its own.

#game design #boardgames #board game #card game design #card games #my game #long post

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