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candlebreak · 2 years

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BILLY BATSON, BIRTHDAY BOY: A TALE OF XENOPHOBIA, ELECTION FRAUD, THE PERILS OF BEING UNDOCUMENTED, SKELETAL SINGING TELEGRAMS, AND PETTY REVENGE

It is somewhat well-known that Superman’s date of birth is leap day, Feb. 29 (though the Kents celebrate his birthday on the day when he crash-landed on Earth, which varies by canon). Time Magazine even had Superman on its cover on Feb. 29, 1988 to celebrate the Soup Man’s big 5-0. (collected sources)

Less well known is that he is birthday buddies with Captain Marvel (Billy Batson/Shazam! — the DC/Fawcett Comics hero, not the Marvel one), as shown here on the 1976 DC Wall Calendar:

Illustrated calendar for the month of February with various DC and historical characters labeled. The space for February 29 has Superman’s face on it, and is labeled: “Birthday of Kal-El (Superman).” An extra, unnumbered space next to it shows Captain Marvel and says: “Captain Marvel chose February 29 for his birthday, too!”

You may have noticed that while February 29th “is” Kal-El’s birthday, the caption for Captain Marvel is a bit more involved. You see, February 29th is not Captain Marvel’s birthday because he was born on that date. Oh no, that would be far too simple. No, this is Golden Age comics, so we must have the most ridiculous, CONVOLUTED reasoning for why Captain Marvel’s official “birthday” is February 29th.

Buckle up, kiddos. It’s time for:

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧CANDLE’S CANON COMPENDIUM© on Billy Batson’s Birthday: Golden Age Edition✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Some out-of-universe background information:

Whether Captain Marvel and Billy Batson are the same person or two different people sharing a body varies across canons. This story takes place in a canon where they are basically considered separate people who are both aware of what is going on when the other is in charge.

Some in-universe [canon is Whiz Comics/Golden Age era] background information:

Our boy Billy Batson—as a human being who was presumably born at some point—has a birthday.

His birthdate is not specified in canon, and he himself doesn’t know when when he was born.

Nevertheless, we can presume that Billy Batson was indeed born at a time and a place.

Billy is a child who is definitely no older than 14.

Captain Marvel is millennia old.

Therefore, Billy's birthday is not Captain Marvel’s birthday.

Captain Marvel does not remember when he was "born" (if the champion of magic could be considered "birthed" for legal purposes).

Captain Marvel’s “birth” predates both the establishment of the United States of America and the invention of birth certificates by several thousand years, as well as the implementation of the Gregorian calendar.

The Tale:

In Whiz comics #47, published in 1943, Captain Marvel’s birthday (and documentation thereof) became an ISSUE for our intrepid hero, young Billy Batson.

You see, Billy, as a minor, cannot vote. But he wants to vote. Child Billy is incredibly civic-minded. He is very invested in the local election for the town alderman of the 14th ward. Yes, TOWN ALDERMAN.

Billy decides the appropriate thing to do in this situation is commit election fraud. See, Billy's not old enough to vote, but Captain Marvel is. So Captain Marvel can cast Billy's vote.

Two comic panels:

Panel one, captioned: “A sudden thought strikes Billy!” Billy says, “Wait a minute! I know someone else in this house, who is a grown man and can vote -- SHAZAM!”

Panel two, captioned: “Billy’s mystic word of power calls forth magic lightning--” The panel shows the word BOOM! in big letters over a lightning strike.

Comic panel, continuing on from the lightning panel, captioned “--and Captain Marvel, mightiest of men!” Captain Marvel asks: “Am I old enough to vote?” The canvasser says: “Why--uh--er--of course! There ain’t no doubt you’re a grown-up man--and a big one at that! Here, sign our list!”

The rival candidate—Mr. Lously—finds out Captain Marvel is planning to vote for his opponent, and wants to intimidate him into staying home. But that won’t work because he’s, well, Captain Marvel. So instead, Lously alights upon the problem you may have already identified: Captain Marvel is undocumented.

Two comic panels:

Panel 1: Captain Marvel says: “My birthday? Why, I was--er--um--ulp!” A white man in a bowler hat with a pipe (Lousely) responds: “Ha, ha! What’s more, are you an American citizen? You may be the great Captain Marvel, but what papers have you to prove you were born in this country?” In a thought bubble, Captain Marvel thinks, “Holy moley! I have no birthday!”

Panel 2: A close-up on Captain Marvel’s confused face with a big question mark. He says, “American citizen? Am I one--or not? And I’ve no official birthday! I never thought of those things in my life before!” A caption reads: And suddenly, Captain Marvel realizes that the cunning politician has laid a finger on a blank spot in his life!

We also get the following great panels, sadly still VERY relevant:

Two comic panels

Panel 1: Lousely faces Captain Marvel, who is being restrained by two other men. Lousely says: “Take him to the police, men! He should be arrested! Why, he’s no better than a dangerous alien in this country illegally!” Captain Marvel responds: “Hey, that’s going too far, Lousely!”

Panel 2: Captain Marvel is breaking away from the men restraining him. Captain Marvel says: “At least give me a chance to find out about my birthday and citizenship!” Lousely says: “I’ll shoot him, so he won’t find out! I’ll call it self-defense in court against an alien!” A caption reads: “The ruthless politician uses violent methods!”

[Sidenote: If anyone wants to write a fic about Billy or Clark or any number of heroes dealing with the bureaucracy & other realities of being undocumented, I will love you forever.]

[Sidenote to the sidenote: The comic is resolved when it turns out that Lousely is an “escaped alien jailbird” and therefore not eligible to run for office. Which. Gross. Do not like. I get that it’s the 40s, but the idea that being undocumented (or an “alien”) automatically makes you a bad person and a criminal is still pretty pervasive today. So. Ugh.]

[Hot take on the sidenote to the sidenote: Mr. Morris, Billy’s candidate, is a milquetoast piece of soggy bread, and does not deserve to win the election. He stopped Cap from going after Lousely after Lousely shot Cap point-blank, and therefore Lousely faced no consequences for his actions. (Like, that’s still a crime, right?? Shooting a superhero? Because heroes are people, and shooting a gun at a person with the stated attempt to kill them is attempted murder.) Morris also told Cap that he had to give Lousely’s supporters the benefit of the doubt when Cap caught them burning people’s votes for Morris, and then again when he caught them trying to vote multiple times in different disguises. Morris took specific steps to ensure his elderly friend—who seems to be suffering from dementia and thinks this is the presidential election for Abraham Lincoln, which was in-universe 78 years ago—gets to the polls, and Cap literally orders this man to vote for Morris at the booth. Not okay. Also, Morris voted for Lousely. Not saying Lousely should’ve won, but Morris is a mildewed dillweed and does not deserve to hold office.]

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming:

So, in search of Cap’s birthday, Billy tries to find his own birth records, but no one has them. His file at city hall is a singular white sheet of paper that reads: “Billy Batson: Orphan — Birthdate Unknown.” This is explicitly the only legal documentation that Billy has.

A comic panel: Billy Batson and a town clerk look at a piece of paper titled “Billy Batson.” Under the title, it says, “Orphan--birthdate unknown.” The rest of the page is blank. Billy says: “Holy moley! Is that all?” The clerk responds: “I’m sorry, Billy! We have no further information! However, I can give you the address of the orphanage you came from! Maybe they have records!”

A nurse at the orphanage Billy was raised in offers to “tell his fortune with cards” in order to find out how old he is. Not sure how that’s supposed to work, but ok. That is apparently proof of citizenship suitable for the US Government’s voting rolls.

The cards reveal that Billy is 3004 years old, to which Billy responds: “3004 years? Why, that’s ridiculous! I can’t be more than fourteen years old!”

Which. Billy. BILLY. You know about Captain Marvel sharing your body.

Also, he’s really just out here guessing how old he is. (个_个)

The nurse then looks into the past to tell him all about the history of Shazam. And Billy’s like, ok, cool, but this doesn’t help me vote.

Except then. He has a REVELATION:

Two comic panels

Panel 1: Billy Batson saying: “But wait! It does establish one thing! — My citizenship! Those early Greeks started democracy! At least Captain Marvel is definitely a true member of democracy, and therefore a true American!”

Panel 2: Billy walks down the street, continuing his thought: “Captain Marvel can prove his citizenship that way! But still — what about his birthday? He can’t register till he has that! SHAZAM!”

Billy. Billy. That’s not how citizenship works. I mean, yes, citizenship laws are stupid, but. Having been born in ancient Greece doesn’t make you a US citizen.

Also, “true member of democracy” = “true American”? L O L

He then goes to a doctor to have medical tests determine his age, and therefore his birthday (?????), but this doesn’t work.

Therefore, Plan A: Election Fraud fails. w(°ｏ°)w

Dreams of election fraud (and Lousely’s actual election fraud) thus thwarted, Captain Marvel still desires to have a birthday. He (’he’ here being Captain Marvel, the three-thousand year old champion of magic, not Billy Batson, the literal child) pouts about it.

Comic panel, captioned: “Alone, Captain Marvel continues to brood!” Marvel pouts with his head in his hands and says: “Other folks have birthdays! Why can’t I? I can’t even have birthday parties in my honor!”

Then, breaking the fourth wall, Captain Marvel turns to the readers, and asks if he can have one of their birthdays. [I don't think Captain Marvel understands how birthdays work.]

Comic Panel: Captain Marvel addresses the reader, saying: “Because you see folks — I still have no birthday! I still have no day I can call my own, like all of you have! Can you help me folks? Who can give me his birthday?” On the plain blue background, we see the words: “How about it, all you loyal follwers of Captain Marvel? He needs a birthday! Who wants to give him one? Write in to the Captain Marvel Club, 49 W. Putnam Ave. Greenwhich Conn, and tell him if he can borrow yours!”

[I don’t think Fawcett Comics knows how birthdays work either.]

. . .

Issues pass. Time goes on. Then comes Whiz Comics #52. The issue opens on Captain Marvel, in full costume, at his office desk, going through the thousands of letters he has received from his fans offering to give him their birthdays.

There's a knock on the door. Who is it? It's a SINGING TELEGRAM.

Comic panel: Captain Marvel sits at a desk stacked high with papers. We see the back of a singing telegram messenger, who sings “Happy deathday to you! Happy deathday to you! Happy deathday, Captain Marvel! Happy deathday to you!” Captain Marvel says: “???”

Unbeknownst to Marvel, the bearer of the singing telegram is "no ordinary messenger boy." He is actually Dr. Sivana in a mail uniform and skull mask (dun dun dun!).

Comic panel: Marvel faces the singing telegram messenger, who is now seen from the front. The messenger wears a skull mask over his face and is holding a calendar open to February, with the 29th circled. Underneath the calendar, it says “Happy Death-Day to Capt. Marvel!” The messenger says: "Captain Marvel! You are doomed to die on February 29th! Heh, heh, heh."

This alerts Captain Marvel to the fact that something is up. But after giving (very slow) chase for approximately half a hallway, he just kinda shrugs and goes back to work.

He is subsequently lured into a trap. Sivana monologues--with visual aids in the form of a tear-away calendar--about how February 29th will henceforth be known as Captain Marvel's Deathday. Like it would be a holiday or something.

Comic panel: Sivana stands in front of a wall clock that has just passed midnight, and tears away the ‘28′ of a tear-away calendar to reveal that it is now February 29th. He says: “See--after midnight! Throughout the universe, of which I am the rightful ruler, this day will be celebrated from now on--as Captain Marvel’s Deathday!”

Captain Marvel eventually escapes & blows up Sivana’s base.

[Sidenote: the "happy" ending here involves Cap flying two escaped death row inmates back to prison to be executed the next day. They're all like 'haha, we can't die; Sivana made us immune to electricity.' And Cap very proudly announces: "You're the ones that are wrong! The governor just signed a new law! From now on, this state will use a gas chamber to execute its murderers!" So that's. I guess Captain Marvel is gleefully in support of execution via gas chambers. Which is really. Something. Especially given that it's the 1940s. And, you know. The use of gas chambers in the 1940s. I’m sure that’s not at all intentional, but in retrospect…]

Before flying off, Cap leaves a note for Sivana, which reads (verbatim):

WRONG AGAIN, SIVANA! FEBRUARY 29TH WAS NOT MY DEATHDAY! BUT I AM GOING TO TAKE IT AS MY BIRTHDAY!

CAPT. MARVEL

Comic panel: Sivana reads the above-described note. The caption reads: “Later, when Sivana returns to his ruined laboratory, he finds a note.” Sivana says: “Curses! He’s foiled me! But I’ll get that red bruiser yet!”

Cap just, like. Yoinks the date.

I just. This is. Just. So funny.

Then Captain Marvel explains to a racist caricature of a black person (-_-) that he's making Feb. 29th his birthday specifically to make Sivana mad.

Just. So petty. I love him.

[Sidenote: the racist charicature is “Steamboat Bill,” who was Billy Batson and Captain Marvel’s valet. (Why do they have a valet?). His depiction was intended to be positive, but was racist even for the time. You have to really TRY to be racist by 1940s standards. In 1945, the interracial group Youth Builders, made up of 11,000 schoolchildren, petitioned Fawcett comics to remove him because he was so racist, and they actually did. (Source).]

The story ends with Captain Marvel turning back into Billy Batson the Boy Broadcaster, who has a radio show (again, why?). Billy thanks listeners for writing in, and leaves us thusly:

Comic panel: Billy Batson stands at a microphone labeled ‘Whiz.’ He says: “I guess we’d better leave Captain Marvel to plough through that mountain of mail! He just wants me to thank you for your tremendous response to his plea for a birthday! He really appreciates all your helpful suggestions and hopes you agree with him that Feb. 29 is as good as any other! Besides it comes only once every four years--like this year--and that’ll keep him younger! Or will it?”

So ends Captain Marvel’s quest for a birthday. I am left with one main thought: Billy Batson still doesn’t have a birthday, does he? Because Feb. 29 is Captain Marvel’s birthday, right? Not Billy’s? And he doesn’t have any documentation, anyway. So he STILL CAN’T VOTE.

God, Whiz Comics. If you wanted to do a cool write-in ‘give Cap a birthday’ thing, at least solve the problem he needs the birthday for.

Anyway, that’s all for this first edition of CANDLE’S CANON COMPENDIUM©. An admittedly random beginning, but my other planned rants are SO MUCH MORE WORK. Should I have published this on February 29th? Probably! But I don’t have time management skills of patience, so. You’re welcome.

#Candle’s Canon Compendium©#Billy Batson #Shazam!#Captain Marvel #DC #Whiz Comics #Golden Age Comics #Fandom #candle’s comments

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