#falling out with. not great but saturn is the only person who can see her n unintentionally causes neptune to freak out cause oh shit only

[tainsan]

misfits (college!ateez x reader)

When your world comes crashing down, the only people who are able to comfort you are the notorious group, Ateez. You’ve heard rumour after rumour about the eight males who are ice cold, yet for some reason, they are the warmest people you know.

Please read me: {hello! so finally i have wrote enough for me to release the first chapter and i really hope it is good enough for the lovely people who have been patiently waiting. there will be more chapters to come in the future so please do look forward to them! just so you all know there is a few trigger warnings i have to go through so just in case you are uncomfortable with certain subjects to read with caution and with your own comfort in mind. at the start of every chapter i will put the warnings that correlate with the said chapter. in this story there are topics of swearing, depression, anxiety, ptsd, suicide, negelection and mental abuse. so if you are not comfortable reading these please either avoid this story or read with extreme caution. your wellbeing is more important than anything. 

Now like i said in my previous post, this is going to be a poly!ateez story so hence there will be future smut and suggestive themes (which i will also put in the warnings before the chapter starts) but the message in the story is very much about past trauma and finding people who can help, heal and love you despite your imperfections.

With that all said! I hope you enjoy the first chapter of ‘Misfits’ and thank you kindly for waiting. 

do not steal my work or repost on places other than tumblr. 

with thanks to @musicdork and @moraxology for the help and ideas shared with me. thank you <3

-----THIS IS AN 18+ FANFICTION MINORS DO NOT INTERACT-----

Misfits, Chapter 1

⇢ masterlist ⇠ 

⇢ next chapter

warnings: anxiety attack, swearing, mentions of a house fire.

word count: 8.8k

Heart dropping to your stomach, you attempt to make sense of the words that are displayed on the small illuminating screen sat in front of you. Devastation hits you like a ton of bricks as you realise once again, it feels like the world is trying to punish you. Reading over the email once again, you let out an exasperated groan and let your head fall down onto your arms relaxing on the table.

“You’re homeless?” Your best friend almost screeches, scanning over the email present on your small laptop screen. 

“Okay a little louder Jisung and the aliens on the Saturn will fucking hear you,” You react, your voice muffled by your clothes.

“What happened? I thought your place was in one of the nicer areas?” 

Looking up from the desk, you see Jisung peering at you with a concerned expression.

“Do you remember those new tenants that moved in below me?” you ask, causing Jisung to nod his head, "Well they accidentally started a fire, and it burnt down half of the place because the owners weren’t smart enough to install fire hydrants around the residence.

“Isn’t it illegal to not have designated fire hydrants in a building?” 

“Probably, I mean that’s what I get for going for the cheapest available housing I could find, they say it's going to take at least a year to repair the damage.”

"Are all of your belongings okay?" 

"Not really, I managed to save most things like my books and some clothes but everything else is burnt. They say they are going to give me some money back for the damage, but I doubt it’ll be much."

"Then where are you staying now?"

"Yeji said I could stay with her for a few days, but she has a roommate moving in soon, so I have to get out before the end of this week."

"You have to start looking for a place to live __, I wish I could help you," 

Jisung lives with his boyfriend and friends in great student accommodation, there are only four rooms, yet they manage to fit eight grown men in there. Sadly, there's simply not enough space for another person.

“I’m aware of that, but all the school properties are full, and I’ve seen no flyers from people searching for roommates. There’s no way I'm looking for housing outside of the area, I would have to sell both my kidneys to afford a month's worth of rent. This apartment was the only place that was in my budget if I didn't want a roommate. At this point, I should probably start looking for a nice cosy bridge to live under.” 

Jisung lets out a stifled laugh before quickly covering his mouth realising the two of you are residing in a library. Being in a secluded area, noise isn’t really a problem, yet three other people are sitting near you, resting on the opposite side of the large wooden table. Two huddled next to each other, sharing a laptop, likely watching YouTube and one with striking blonde hair resting his head on his arms, undoubtedly sleeping.

“How many days until you have to move out?” Jisung inquires, laying his head on his hand and gazing at you. 

“Uh, I think like a week,” 

“Oh, so it’s not like you have to move out right now,” your best friend replies, a calm smile covering his features.

“Yeah, but I doubt that somebody is abruptly going to need a roommate out of nowhere,” 

Then, you hear rustling, then suddenly the guy who was sleeping on your table abruptly stands up, grabs his things, and rushes out of the library. 

“Probably had a nightmare or something,” Jisung chuckles, lighting up your mood.

“When’s your next lesson?” You ask, hoping he doesn't have to leave too soon. 

Observing as Jisung whips out his phone and looks at the time, he lets out a sigh.

“Starts in seven minutes, it takes like five minutes to walk there. I better get going,” Jisung replies, grabbing his books and laptop.

“Must you leave so soon? You can’t leave me here to tutor for three hours straight.” You let out a fake cry and hang onto his arm, pleading for him to stay. 

“You're the one who wanted the extra credit, don't blame me!” 

Bickering for a minute more, you eventually let Jisung get to his class, the two others across the table departing as well, leaving you alone.

Grumbling to yourself, you wonder why you even offered to tutor people, the extra credit is little to nothing. Alas, it’s too late to back out now as you have two people arriving soon. Typically, you only take people who you know personally, but Jisung’s boyfriend, Minho, said two of his classmates requested him to ask you to tutor, telling him they really needed assistance in maths. You hope they are pleasant because you are not about to be spending the next three hours with two arseholes.

You also typically only take one person at a time but due to your current tight schedule, you decided to just do two at once. You need the time later to look for new places to live anyway. The unknown two needed teaching in the same subject at least, works out fine.

Returning to your laptop you start typing, trying to finish as much of your lab report as you can before they show up.

“No Yeosang said she was around this corner.” 

A hushed voice breaks you out of your concentration, yet you pay no interest and hurriedly get back to typing.

“You’re __ right?” A monotone voice speaks out from your left.

You turn upon hearing your name and see a guy standing next to where you are sitting. Quickly you scan over his face, noticing the way his cheeks display small dimples as his face shifts and the slit in one of his eyebrows.

“I’m San, Minho told you about us, right?” 

Noting the way he said ‘us’, you turn fully backwards and see a noticeably built man standing by San, his face holding little to no emotion as he stares blankly towards you. In your mind, you hope these aren’t the two you are tutoring, noticing how intimidating their presence is.

“We are here for tutoring lessons,” the unnamed person speaks, and you curse upon your luck.

“Oh right, you can take a seat where you’d like.”

You mentally cuss out Minho for not informing you about how intense and handsome his classmates were, you let out a scoff under your breath as you start to pull out your maths textbooks.

“So, what were your guy's names, I’m not too good with names so if I forget, please don't take it personally,” you shyly confess, hoping they are not going to take it the wrong way. You detect the way some sort of stunned expression goes across their faces, but it disappears as soon as it had appeared.

“I’m Choi San, good to meet you.” San nods in your direction, his emotions still unreadable, a subtle glare still present along his features.

“San, I see. You too,” You mumble, slightly scared by his strong character. You attempt a small smile and shake his hand, trying to ignore the way you feel his eyes boring into your skull. Moving your attention to the man sitting next to him, you smile gently, noticing the way his cheeks are dusted with a light pink colour.

“Choi Jongho,” He reaches out his hand and you gladly take it, feeling slightly less intimidated by the seemingly kinder man.

Replying with your own name, you realise they already knew it, making you curse yourself for the sheer awkwardness emitting from your body as you notice Jongho and San are neither looking at you.

Slightly glancing up at you, San notices your flustered state and a faint smile ghosts his face.

Shaking off your clumsiness rapidly, you start to focus on the task at hand.

“So, what are you two looking to go over today?” you ask, opening your notebook that was conveniently placed in front of you. What you don’t expect is Jongho and San immediately look at each other with wide eyes, almost as if they are taken aback by the question.

“You guys don’t know what you want to go over?” 

“No, sorry, we have been having problems with our two recent algebra assignments.” Jongho replies, his tough exterior cracking ever so slightly as he ruffles his black hair. 

“Okay then,” you answer, a little puzzled at the two's sudden and strange gestures, yet you pay no mind to it as you reach into your backpack to grab your mathematics textbook. You’ve seen much stranger things in this college anyway.

When you proceed with the session you are surprised by the two men sitting in front of you. Although being very intimidating, the two are very good listeners and attentive to everything you say or do. Writing notes and nodding at almost every word you say. After an extensive explanation, you let Jongho and San try to solve a practice question. During this time, you take the time to admire the two in front of you. You can see they are extremely close by the way their bodies face each other naturally, and the way they look at each other. Meanwhile, you can’t help but wonder why you haven't seen them on campus before. Certainly, you would've heard or seen something about these two very good-looking men, knowing how much the people here like to gossip. Well after all, you have never been one for gossip and fangirling over the popular campus heartthrobs. Brushing your thoughts to the side, you start to read over the same page for the fifth time.

After the second hour, it intrigues you how smart they are, only needing you to once go over something and they already have the answer or even occasionally you swear you see one of them write an answer without you describing how to find it. Perhaps they are fast learners? Due to the fact, they are so quick, it only takes two of the three hours for you to cover everything they wished to go over, and their assignments are almost finished, just needing the final touches.

"There we go,” you exclaim, stretching your arms over your head, letting out a content groan as you let your back straighten up, "if you need future help, you can always call me." Even though it’s perhaps pretentious to offer this to such tough guys, you’re happy to be able to have such good students who actually listen. Unlike your last session which you spent way too many hours on.

Jongho looks up from his laptop with a wide eye look, "that’d be helpful," 

"Can you take my number?" San holds his hand open, expecting your phone and you are shocked at his utter forwardness. Even though you know it’s not intended in a flirtatious way, your heart quickens at the gesture, never having been asked for your number before. 

Passing your phone to the male in front of you, you notice San observing the Sanrio stickers stuck to the back of it. The male lets out a short burst of air through his nose, and you don’t know whether he’s mocking you or scoffing. As you look at him to analyse his reaction, you see a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips, but it doesn’t seem in a taunting way. You continue staring at him as he puts his number into your phone.

Unexpectedly he looks up and straight into your investigating eyes, catching you by surprise, immediately looking away from him and at the open book in front of you pretending to read it, even though you know he knows you have already read over the page multiple times in the past ten minutes.

“Wait, what time is it?" Jongho asks San. Watching San pull out his phone, you see a glimpse of his phone case, it looks something like a character, but you can’t see it as he places his phone face up on the table.

"Quarter to twelve," San responds, his phone screen lighting up for a split second, you manage to catch a quick sight of his lock screen. It appears to be a group photo, with numerous faces smiling brightly at the camera. So, they have more friends.

"We have about thirty minutes till ecology, do you want to go to the canteen?" Jongho questions as he begins to put his belongings into his bag. 

"I could use a snack,” San answers, stretching back into the chair, his arms above his head just as you did earlier.

"Coming with us?" Jongho asks as he stands up from his chair and pushes it back beneath the table.

Bewildered by the question, you wonder as to why they want you to come when they have been nothing but distant this entire time. Glancing back at your unfinished lab report displayed on your laptop, you feel conflicted. Yet a break from the tedious work would be rather nice. There's no harm in pulling another all-nighter.

"I could also do with something to eat," Your smile is bright as you stuff your laptop into your bag, happy to have a reason to escape the tedious work on the small screen of your laptop. 

It is a rather fast walk to the canteen; it is conveniently on the same wing as the library. Expecting the canteen to be full to the brim of students getting lunch, you’re surprised to see the canteen completely empty. You are rather pleased with the serenity of the canteen, feeling at ease that there are no judging eyes watching your every move. Pacing over to the cooled section of food, your footsteps echo in the large room, then you notice San and Jongho trailing after you, looking quite lost. 

"Have you guys never been to the canteen before or something?" You inquire, chuckling at their antics before grabbing a carton of banana milk and an apple.

"It's not particularly our scene, we eat our meals at our place." San answers, staring down at the banana milk in your hand. So, they live together, it makes sense seeing how close they are.

“You guys don't live in student buildings?” You question, that does explain why you've never seen them around, knowing most people who reside in the student dorms. You resume walking towards a table to sit, you grab two more banana milk before sitting down and popping a straw into your drink.

"No, we live near the new park, Eastwood Drive," Jongho replies.

This information almost makes you spit out your drink. Eastwood is not only part of a huge real estate area but one of the richest areas near our school. Absolutely no students would be able to afford that. It's an area full of houses like mansions or condos bigger than a regular house.

"Are you okay?" Jongho asks, hurriedly rushing to your side and patting your back, San chuckles at the scene and passes you a bottle of water from his seat. 

"Yes, I'm fine," You say between coughs, "thank you," you take a gulp of water from the bottle before handing it back to him.

"Sorry it's just, how on earth do you afford that house there's no way you guys just have it. Did you have to sell your soul to the devil or something?" 

Both males let out soft laughs and for the first time you see something other than scowls on their faces, instead replaced by gentle amusement.

"No, we didn't, one of our roommates' mothers is the owner of the real estate and she lets us live there," San answers your question.

"We do still have to pay rent, which is above average, but it's not anything like the rent we would have to pay if we were actually living there," Jongho adds, "plus we have quite a few roommates, so it's spread out pretty evenly." So, they have multiple roommates.

"I see," you hum as you let the information in. Of course, they have several roommates, the house is big enough for ten people, most likely. 

"And you?" Jongho questions looking at you. His expression is back to his resting face, until he realises his question, eyes going wide he continues, “not in a creepy, I'm sorry please don't take it the wrong way!" he rambles on. 

Laughing out, you wave your hands in a friendly way to dismiss his thoughts.

"No no, it's okay," you chuckle, not really sure how to explain to them that your house was recently made into a fresh stock of charcoal.

“It's kind of complicated I'll be honest," you start, San and Jongho’s expressions twitch in curiosity, "Well I was living at Coast Lane," 

"Oh, the one near the shopping centre?" Jongho inquires. You nod your head back in confirmation.

"Wait but wasn't that place burnt down a few days ago?" San asks, looking at Jongho and then back at you with a worried look. Their hearts fill with worry for you.

"Yep," you say, popping the p at the end, "that's why I said I was living," you say looking down, chucking dryly.

"Where are you living now then?" San asks, his voice laced with something similar to worry. 

"I'm staying at a friend's house, but they are getting a new roommate at the end of this week, so I need to move out by then." 

"Have you found anywhere to live yet?" Jongho questions, looking sorrowful. You are surprised by the amount of worry you suddenly feel from San and Jongho. However, you shake your head as 'no' and proceed to take another sip of your drink. 

"I have an idea." San abruptly says standing up from his chair, catching your and Jongho's attention, "Excuse me I have to talk to someone, Jongho. Joong." 

Jongho's eyes light up with some sort of awareness and he also rapidly stands from his chair, leaving you even more confused, unsure where the sudden energy comes from, you also wonder who the fuck 'Joong' is and why do they need to see him so suddenly. 

"See you soon, __.” Jongho’s smile is warm and contagious, he then turns to leave with the taller man.

"Wait, guys!” You exclaim, "here," you hand them both a cartoon of banana milk that you grabbed earlier. "Drink these, you can't focus if you're dehydrated, " you say, heat rising up from your chest. 

Both of the men look at you shocked at the kind gesture, surprised someone actually cares about their well-being. Giving you a thank you, the two men leave with red subtly covering their cheeks, both trying to immediately force it away before someone sees them with a giddy expression.

 ----

"Then they just stood up and left," You replay the events from earlier today to Jisung, who is sipping on a mojito. After the busy day you both shared, Jisung and you decided to go to a bar that recently opened not too far from campus. It is small and cosy, not too full of people, mostly students from your school rewinding from the day, just like you.

"Psycho behaviour," Jisung jokes whilst you take a sip of your drink. Laughing, you push Jisung's arm gently.

"I don't know, they were certainly intimidating but I could tell they were okay people," you exclaim truthfully. If you said that the three hours you spent with the two weren't pleasant you’d be lying.

"Do you have a crush on them or something?" Jisung inquires, rather loudly, getting far too excited. Hoping that no one heard him through the low jazz music resounding in the small bar, you quieten down your best friend quickly by covering his mouth with your free hand.

"Ji the entire bar does not need to know about my personal endeavours, and no I do not have a crush on them, they are just simply cute," you say exasperated.

“So, you do find them cute! The last time you had a crush as back in high school, this is big news,”

“There is no news dumbass, they are just cute. I find kittens cute, and I don’t want to date them.”

Jisung’s face contorts into a mixture of disgust and humour.

"Wait, what are their names?" Jisung questions his voice back to a reasonable volume.

"Choi San and Choi Jongho, I've never even heard of them, to be honest. You'd think I would've seen these handsome men bef, what is with that look on your face?" you stop your ramble as you see the very obviously shocked look on Jisung's face. 

"Are you fucking serious?" Jisung says slowly.

Confused, you simply answer, "yeah they needed help with maths. it was your boyfriend who set the tutor session up."

"Yeah, because they probably threatened him?" Jisung says tensing up.

"What do you mean threatened, they were huge sweethearts," you say amused at Jisung. Your laughing momentarily halts when you see the serious look on Jisung's small face.

"What is it?" 

"___, Choi San and Choi Jongho are part of that group." 

Your baffled expression remains on your features, clearly unfazed by this information.

"What is that like a cult or something?" you joke.

"Girl, are you living under a fucking rock? Ateez, the group called Ateez. The super scary ones practically haunt this school. I'm surprised they talked to Minho. I'm pretty sure he's going to be scarred now."

Slowly but surely, your brain starts to put things into place.

"Wait, that group Sola told us about?”

As Jisung confirms your question, you feel the hairs on the back of your neck rise. A few months ago, you had been told by some classmates about them briefly, they were talking rather loudly about them. Apparently, they had done some terrible things when they were in high school then just disappeared for a few years. Most people thought they dropped out or moved abroad. The year they returned, they started this university out of nowhere together and have been a notorious group ever since, being known for staying foul and bitter towards everyone except themselves. Yet, nobody seems to know the reason for their ice-cold hearts. You never really bothered to keep up with the rumours or gossip, it wasn’t necessary for you to know, however you start to think maybe you should pay more attention due to your recent interaction with two of the people in the group.

"But they were nice?" your question, more to yourself than to Jisung.

"I don't know about you, but you probably got the wrong people." 

You don't believe Jisung is lying but at the same time… The two men you had tutored earlier today were definitely not members of the notorious group. 

Surely not. 

Yes, they were intimidating, but nowhere near as bad as anything people say about them. From what you've heard about the group, they are cold, heartless, selfish, and miserable. Staying only in the group of eight, others not even daring to look them in the eyes as they pass them.

"If they were the people that you were tutoring yesterday, you may have gotten yourself into something you can't get out of. They have hundreds of fangirls, who are very possessive over them and people who want them dead. I don’t know of a single person who is fond of them. It’s best if you stay far away from them." Jisung says with a nervous expression. 

Unexpectedly, his phone lights up and you see Minho's caller ID appear. Jisung glances back up at you with a questioning look, requesting if he can take it.

"Go ahead," you push your smile and watch as he leaves to find a quiet place.

Your heart beats heavily against your chest and you feel your throat tighten. ‘Come on’ you think, this isn't the best place for you to have an anxiety attack. Possibly, it's that the new information is far too overwhelming. You are barely keeping up with your classes, your apartment just burnt down, and now you’re somewhat engaged with an apparently dangerous group that has no good stories. Feeling your breathing getting jagged and your heart getting heavier by the second, you attempt to focus on your breathing. Trying to remember the breathing exercises your mother taught you when you were younger, you attempt breathing in deeply, but it doesn't work, leaving you to breathe in and out in a fast manner. It's okay, it's okay. You repeat yourself, in an attempt to comfort yourself, but your brain is yelling 'it's not okay, look how stupid you've been and got yourself into a senseless situation again. Fucking idiot'. You put your head in your hands and start gently rocking on the barstool, tears threatening to fall out of your eyes. Unexpectedly, a presence appears next to you and before you know it, their warm hand is rubbing up and down your back in a soothing manner. 

"Shh it's okay, it's all going to be okay." a deep voice speaks from your right. You don't care to look up, only basking in the way the figure's hand caresses your back in a comforting way. To your surprise, it works miracles. Your breathing is back to a reasonable state within the next minute. Only then do you look up from your hands, your eyes lock with a beautiful man. He wears a comforting smile, his eyes full of sympathy and something else you can't quite put your finger on, his hand not slowing on your back. Trying to smile back at him, you wipe the tears you didn't even know had fallen, with the sleeves of your sweatshirt before regaining the words to speak.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," you say, abruptly embarrassed that a very handsome man just had to see a small breakdown of yours. 

"It's perfectly okay. I've had enough anxiety attacks to know you can't control where you have them." the man admits, scratching the back of his neck with an awkward smile on his face. The voice of the man is deep, yet soft, making you feel awfully relaxed.

"You have anxiety?" you ask, sniffling your nose.

The man chuckles and looks down at his hands, "longer than I can remember, yeah," he looks back up at you, "rubbing my back is how my friends comfort me, so I hope it somewhat worked for you too." 

"It worked amazingly, it's actually how my mother used to comfort me," you express, still slightly ashamed to be sharing this information with a stranger, let alone such a good-looking one. Yet knowing he goes through the same things as you, comforts you more than you realise. The male looks around him, almost as if he’s worried someone will see him, he then looks back down to your smaller figure which is closer to him than he remembered. Clearing his throat, he steps away a little bit, concerned you would feel uncomfortable with the closeness of your bodies. 

“I do need to go now, but it was nice to meet you," The man says whilst leaving the barstool to your right. Not sure why, but you feel sad that he has to leave so soon. Feeling so relaxed around a stranger has you shocked, wishing you could stay with this unknown feeling.

"Thank you," you say, grateful to have him there for you.

"Anytime.”

"I’ll see you around." You return his smile.

Nodding his head, he gives one last smile before departing the bar's exit, a growing smile adorning his features as he exits the bar.

“Hey I’m back.”

Whipping your head to the left, you see Jisung sitting back in his stool. Opening your mouth to tell him about what just happened, you attempt to get the words out but for some reason, you are unable to find the words. Not wanting to worry your best friend with your sudden onset anxiety attack, you decide to stay quiet.

What are these unexplainable encounters you've been having with handsome men recently?

----

Climbing over bags and coats, you find a seat in a calmer area of the stadium you just arrived at. Spotting Minho in the field doing some warm-ups with his team, you feel relaxed to see someone you know. When he sees you, he waves happily. Smiling, you reach for your phone to quickly text Jisung asking where he is. All of a sudden, a rush of cold air gets swept in by the wind, causing you to freeze up. Never liking the cold, you debate heavily at this moment whether you should just leave. However, you travelled all the way from Yeji’s to here in the cold. It seems like a waste to just go back, even if it freezes you to death to stay. After all, you need to support Minho, him being one of your only friends, for the football game. Jisung is supposed to be joining you but you’re sure he's busy picking out a cute outfit to swoon Minho. 

Over the past few days Jisung has been trying to teach you the names of Ateez so you know to run if they approach you. Seemingly stupid, but you do need fewer distractions in the hope to graduate with honours. From what Jisung has told you, there are eight members, and they are all of similar age, the youngest being in the same classes as he managed to skip a year due to him exceeding the level of people his age. However, Jisung teaching you their names doesn’t really stick to you, never being good at names it doesn’t help that you don’t know what they look like. It would be much easier learning their names if you actually had photos so you can put a name to a face, but of course they don’t have Instagram accounts, and if they saw people taking photos of them, they’d likely murder you on the spot. Or that’s what Jisung says.

You are suddenly brought out of your thoughts when a voice sounds in your ears.

“Could I sit here?” a soft, yet deep captivating voice speaks out. 

Curiously, you look to your left to see who the owner of the voice is. Surprisingly, you see a blonde male with a mask covering his face. He is standing next to the seat where you have placed your bag, and you realise he is asking for the seat.

“Oh yes, of course, sorry,” you hurriedly grab your bag and place it between your legs, allowing the male to take a place next to you.

“Thank you,” he says, a very small smile on his lips. When he sits down, he takes off his mask, and you glance at him one more time, taking in his visuals. With his fluffy hair and red tinted cheeks and a small mark of pink next to one of his eyes, he is truly a work of art. Yet, for some reason, you can't help but feel like you've seen him before.

“I'm sorry have I met you before, you seem really familiar?” you ask inquisitively, not being able to match a name to a face.

“We may have run into each other once or twice,” the blonde male puts his hand out for a handshake.

Gladly taking his hand in yours, you shake with a small smile on your face.

“It is a small world, I'm __.” 

The male takes his hand away and back into his coat pocket, shivering in the icy air.

“Are you Jisung's girlfriend?” he questions.

Rolling your eyes, slightly annoyed at the question, you go to answer. It has been thousands of times that people have asked about your and Jisung's relationship, mistaking you for a couple and not just a couple of friends. After a while it gets rather irritating, the question being asked countless amounts of times.

"No, we aren't, we are just best friends, I'm pretty sure Jisung came out as gay like two years ago. Plus, he's literally dating the quarterback, Lee Minho." you chuckle slightly.

"Oh sorry! I didn't mean to offend you in any way." 

"No! It's really okay, it's just I get asked a lot, so it becomes annoying after a while. I mean look at Jisung, he has baby girl written all over him." 

“Cold?” he questions.

The blondie next to you lets out a small chuckle acknowledging the man you are always with isn’t your boyfriend.

Sensing a gaze on you, you turn back to the blonde male whose eyes are looking at the goosebumps on your exposed arms.

“I probably should’ve brought at least a jumper. I've been so wrapped up with exams and tutoring I’ve been forgetting everything,” you say, laughing slightly, embarrassed that you went outside wearing just a t-shirt in the middle of November.

The male lets out a laugh before speaking, “it’s okay, I understand. If I’m being honest, I've also been having so much struggle with studying, my stress is all over the place.” He wonders for a second why he even shared this with you, concerned for a second you will see him in a bad light.

“I'm sorry to hear that.” you contemplate for a moment, “Look I have these if you want,” reaching into your pocket, you grab some rescue drops. “These help me a lot,”

You place the small bottle in his hand, and a giant smile covers his face. “What? I’ve actually been looking for these everywhere and I can never find them! They’ve been sold out in every shop.” Blondie looks back up at you, “but you have anxiety you need these more than me,” 

Pausing for a second, you wonder how he knows you have anxiety, nonetheless, you continue “It’s perfectly fine, Jisung’s parents work at a pharmacy back in my hometown and they send me a few of these whenever they are in stock, you can keep them.” you inform him, his smile brightening your cold mood shockingly fast. You’re not even sure why you gave him them, it was your last bottle. You guess that’s what happens when you are a people pleaser. The smile on the male’s face only grows wider, his heart jumping at your kind action.

“Thank you so much __,”

“It’s no worries, if you ever need some more, look for the loud group of small guys acting like four-year-olds.” you laugh, and he chuckles along with you, making a mental note, even though he knows he will likely never approach the group.

Before you can focus back on the starting game, you feel a soft material cover your shivering body. It is a large zip-up that smells of rich, sweet perfume. Turning quickly to the blonde guy with confusion covering your features, you hurriedly dismiss the action, seeing his arms exposed to the winter air.

“I can’t take this; you’ll get too cold.” you stop your words as he pulls out another sweater from his bag. 

“I've got my friend’s sweater, you keep mine until you’re warm.” he turns to face the game, "or until Jisung sees and freaks out and tells everyone you have a secret boyfriend." he jokes.

“You seem to know Jisung?” you ask, wondering how he knows Jisung’s personality quite well.

“Well, we know each other, but we aren’t particularly friends,” blondie turns fully towards you, “are you sure you don’t know me at all?”

“I'm sorry but I really only have like two friends, I don't really go out.” 

“But Jisung is super popular, aren't you in his huge partying friend group?”

“Not really, his friends are lovely but I’m only close with him and his boyfriend, I'm not too good at making friends.” you quietly mumble the last part. You look over at the blondie and see he has slight confusion on his face.

“You are so kind, I’m sure anyone would want to be your friend." 

"You’d be the first to think that" you dryly admit, which causes the male to feel a twinge of pain and guilt in his heart, "I would rather stay inside all-day binge-watching television whilst eating away my stress,"

"Well, that’s one thing we have in common." 

Sharing a warm smile with him, you start to get lost in your thoughts again, but then you realise a question you never returned.

“I’m so sorry I never got your name.”

“No worries, I’m Yeosang.” he has the same smile on his face, making you feel warm despite the bitter winter air. Then his familiarity dawns on you.

“Kang?” you inquire, your voice rising ever so slightly.

“That’s me,” he smiles at me, and you don't know if your heart rises because of how beautiful his smile is or because you recognise the name from Jisung’s teaching session with the members of Ateez.

“Like from Ateez,” you question, watching your words, if Ateez is as bad as Jisung is saying then you definitely need to watch your words.

Yeosang turns to you, almost looking baffled.

“I thought you didn't know about Ateez?” he questions, shocked.

“What made you think that?”

“Just a guess I suppose, being that you don't really go out I assumed you weren’t really interested in the groups and stuff.” 

“Ah well not particularly, but recently I suppose I’ve gotten to know about it better.”

“You're not scared, are you?” you see Yeosang tense up a little, his eyebrows furrowed. He hopes for the best, not knowing how you will react. Surprisingly, your heart softens at this question, he seems upset for some reason, as if he doesn't want to be seen this way. You feel bad for ever acting stressed towards him.

“Don't worry, the only person that scares me is Jisung when he's hungry.” you joke out, relaxing the tension and calming him. From what you can see, Yeosang is just kind and calm. The only thing that's menacing about him is the fact he’s drop-dead gorgeous.

Yeosang lets out a small chuckle, “well I guess now I know I need to avoid Jisung if he’s hungry,”

You agree with the blonde man, whilst lightly laughing.

“Wait, but why are you watching? Aren’t you supposed to be on the pitch?” You ask him, confused, remembering Jisung informing you that Yeosang is a part of one of the school's football teams, along with someone else whose name you can’t remember at the moment. For a moment Yeosang’s chest fills with pride, knowing you know something about him.

“Someone is taking my spot today, I was told to analyse the opposing team to find out their habits and stuff, hence the notepad.”

Looking down, you notice the small notepad with doodles all over the cover, making your heart swell. Yeosang continues to talk,

“Don’t tell my tactics to Minho,” he jokes with a grin on his face, knowing Minho is on the other team.

“I would never betray you like that,” you place your hand over your chest acting offended. 

Both cracking up, you speak up again, “don't worry, your secrets are safe with me.”

“Sang!” You hear a voice call from the left, and your eyes lay on another attractive man, “Coach told us to sit with him,” this male also has a notepad in his grip. 

You know this guy. He works in a small café not too far from campus, it is down a narrow alleyway, covered by vines and moss. It was a very hidden spot and only locals really knew the place. Only knowing it because you walked past it every day for a year as the alleyway was a shortcut to your housing from the campus. Barely anyone goes there, the regulars being either old women or businesspeople quickly rushing in to get a coffee before work starts. Back at the beginning of the semester, you used to go to the café a lot because of the raspberry muffins, yet they stopped selling them thus forth you stopped going as much. It was also due to the fact you had barely any time to sleep, so you cut it out of your morning schedule to be able to sleep in a little. You think the guy’s name was Wooyoung if you can remember his name tag correctly. You notice he sees you sitting next to Yeosang, with his friend’s hoodie over your shoulders and a smile consumes his entire face. 

“Muffin?” he looks confused, yet somewhat glad to see you once again. The nickname extremely takes you aback. “Why did you stop coming to the café?”

As far as you can recall, back when you visited the café, this server was rather distant and limited to saying little to no words whilst waiting. Seeing him like this confuses you severely. Alas, you let out a giggle and both of the boys' grins widen visibly.

“You two better get going, I'm not sure your coach wants to wait any longer.” 

Yeosang stands up and straightens out his pants before turning to you,

“Hopefully I’ll see you around.” he smiles warmly. Smiling back at him, you nod. Yeosang starts to leave with Wooyoung before he turns around.

“I better see you at the café tomorrow! Plus, that sweater looks good on you, Muffin.” he winks and Yeosang slaps the back of his head.  You can’t help but giggle yet feel flustered. 

Yeosang and Wooyoung walk towards the coach’s section, Yeosang slightly more affected than the male next to him. Hopefully he will get his hoodie back, and hopefully it will smell like you. After this interaction, your mind was even more confused. If you remember correctly, Yeosang and Wooyoung have a very big reputation for being some of the rudest and coldest towards people. Yet they were so friendly when you were with them. Is everything all these people are saying about them true or maybe the group of eight is just deeply misunderstood?

Whatever it is, you need to talk to Jisung about this, but you will wait until the game is over.

----

The night of the interaction between Yeosang and Wooyoung, Jisung, Minho and you reside at their apartment, eating chicken and watching a shitty romcom for background noise. The rest of his roommates are out celebrating the start of the football season. You have no idea why it started mid-way through November but okay.

“I said I would come; they were too sweet to say no to!” You exclaim, throwing your head back against the couch, regretting saying yes. 

“It was definitely Yeosang and Wooyoung?” Minho questions, not believing any part of my story.

“Yes! Yeosang has the birthmark next to his eye like Ji described and Wooyoung was the guy who works at that one café I used to go to all the time,”

“Well, I never knew Wooyoung worked at a café, that doesn't really match the hardcore scary image they are going for, are you sure you’re not going delusional?” Jisung admits, chuckling.

“What are you going to do?” Minho questions, passing you a drumstick. 

You take a big bite, before speaking, “I should just go, if I don't show up, they might murder me as you two say. Which is very unbelievable seeing how fucking cheerful they’ve all been.”

“Well, you’ve only met four, the rest are probably a nightmare,” Jisung says, his mouth full of chicken, Minho humming in agreement next to him.

“You two are supposed to be comforting me.” you groan, throwing your head into your hands. 

“Okay, don't worry __, if they have been as nice as you’ve been saying then just show up and if they aren't nice then call Chan and Changbin and I’m sure they will gladly sort them out for you.” Minho laughs.

 ----

Keeping your promise, you showed up at the café the next day. 

Opening the painted door, the bell rings notifying your entrance. Immediately you spot Wooyoung relaxing against the counter, scrolling through his phone, visibly bored. There are only a few people in the café, mostly reading books or typing on laptops. You see a flash of pink hair in the corner, yet you lose focus as quickly as you had it as you continue to walk further in.

“Welcome to Veranda Café,” Wooyoung says unbothered, still staring at his phone as you walk closer to where all the cakes were on display. Much to your dismay, you fail to see a raspberry muffin on display.

“I see you still don’t have any raspberry muffins.” You speak out in front of where Wooyoung is standing, making his head immediately snap up.

“__! I was starting to worry you weren't going to show up.” He exclaims, a contagious smile wide on his face. Immediately putting his phone in his pocket, giving his attention to you. He leans on the counter. Extremely happy you showed up.

“I never break my promises,” you grin at the black-haired man.

“Oh, one moment.” He speaks out excitedly, like a puppy, and turns to where he was sitting. Opening up a small fridge, he brings out the biggest, most beautiful raspberry muffin you have ever seen.

“Yeosang and I made this morning for you.” he gestures over to the corner, and you see the blonde male from yesterday, he is sitting next to someone, yet you can’t see them from where you’re standing. Yeosang shyly waves and you smile and wave back. Heart beating faster and cheeks warming up, you take the muffin happily. Wooyoung smiles brightly at you, feeling prideful at the way your eyes light up from the muffin.

“We stopped making these muffins because the owner didn’t think anyone was buying them, it made me upset because I knew you liked them,” Wooyoung says, making direct eye contact with you, making you weak at the knees. Wondering how he even remembered you, you still feel thankful he thought of you, even if it was a long time ago.

“It’s a shame but I'm sure there are lots of other tasty things here too. Anyways, thank you so much, you guys are the best.” you say, sincerity dripping in your words. Wooyoung just shrugs like he doesn't care, but the big smile on his face and the redness dusting his ears tells a different story.

“How much do I owe you?” you ask, getting out your purse.

Swiftly, Wooyoung grabs your hand halting its actions, “it’s on us, for being so kind, Yeosang and one of our friends really needed those rescue drops.” He lowers his voice, “between us, their anxiety has been really bad recently, and the stuff works wonders. Plus, you were always my favourite customer anyways.” Wooyoung admits, smiling, his cheeks get a deeper colour of red. Your heart warms up once again, which is strange to you. You haven't felt this happiness in a very long time. Maybe things are starting to get better. Happily taking the muffin, you make your way to Yeosang who is reading a book.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” you inquire, repeating his words from yesterday, yet when your eyes meet the figure sitting next to him, they light up as you recognise him.

“I know you!” You exclaim, a little too loudly, causing people around you to glare in your direction. Feeling overwhelmed by the sudden attention, you quickly sit down in a shielded area, away from all the glares. 

“You two know each other?” Yeosang asks, intrigued by your sudden remark.

“It is you, right?” you ask just in case you’re mistaking him for another pink-haired male.

The tall male smiles widely, “Yeah, it’s me. I’m Mingi,” he turns to Yeosang, who is visibly confused, “we met briefly in a bar the other day,” 

Yeosang lets out an ‘ah’ in realisation, yet you fail to see the jealous look he points at the pink haired man as he turns back to his book. Reaching for a dessert fork placed in the middle of the table, Mingi quickly grabs it and hands it to you. Quietly thanking him, you start to cut your muffin into four pieces. You acknowledge a gaze on you, so you halt your movements and look up, noticing Yeosang and Mingi’s eyes on you. Suddenly feeling awfully small, you start to feel your heartbeat rise and your breath deepen, never really liking people watching you eat, the stares from the two make you anxious. Luckily, they seem to immediately notice your change in behaviour and start apologising.

“I’m sorry, we will look away. We were just wondering whether you were going to like the muffin,” Mingi explains, his voice stumbling over words.

“It’s okay! I’m sorry, I’ve always been kind of awkward when people watch me eat.” you confess, your cheeks heating up. The two males nod trying to remember this information for the future. Instantly, the two men completely look away and focus on their own things, not paying any attention to you. Their antics make you giggle slightly, and you look back down at your muffin. Slowly, you pick up a quarter and place it on Mingi’s empty plate in front of him. You then do the same for Yeosang. They both look up at you with wide eyes.

“This is your favourite, we can't take it,” Yeosang says hurriedly, trying to put the cake back on your plate. 

“Stop, stop! I want to. I want to share it with my friends!” You blurt out before you can control your mouth. The wide eyes on both Yeosang and Mingi, make you realise what you said. You have to remember that even though they seem normal they are very clearly part of a group who apparently can kill people with their stare. What the hell are you doing? Of course, they aren’t your friends, you met them both once for less than ten minutes.

“Wait, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to say that I didn't intend to push your boundaries, we have only met like twice I didn't just assume we are friends!” You start to ramble, scared they will take it the wrong way, trying to fix your words as quickly as possible so you don’t get on their bad sides.

Before you can say anything more, Yeosang cuts you off by taking a bite of the muffin, “it tastes amazing! Thank you,”

“Woo!” Mingi’s voice calls out, ignoring the angry glares of people around him, “come get some cake!” Watching Wooyoung jump over the counter towards the three of you, you smile to yourself, glad you haven't done something that would cause future problems. Yeosang feeds Wooyoung the cake and makes an over-exaggerated reaction, “the flavours are melting on my tongue!” he exclaims in a funny voice, making Yeosang and Mingi cringe but you just laugh at his amusing antics. You can’t help but imagine how the whole group is when they are together. 

For the remainder of the hour, you are just conversing with Wooyoung and Mingi, sometimes Yeosang if he wants to add to the conversation, but more focusing on his book, yet looking up intently whenever you speak. You are broken out of your conversation as you hear the bell of the entrance ring, notifying the entrance of new customers. Wooyoung groans and stands up from his chair next to you. It seems to be three girls from our school. You recognise one of them from your calculus class.

Then the next thing that happens confuses you more than any other thing that has happened. As Wooyoung reaches the counter to take their order, his demeanour changes almost immediately, you would've missed it if you had blinked. 

Mingi and Yeosang seem to notice your confusion but blatantly ignore it, their smiles quickly disappearing from their faces. The atmosphere turns from warm and friendly to cold and foreign.

“What do you want?” Wooyoung asks bluntly. You furrow your eyebrows, confused out of your mind as to where the sweet friendly Wooyoung disappeared to.

“You know you should be nicer to your customers, it would help with business,” one of the girls speaks out, looking smug as if she has immensely hurt the man’s feelings.

“You should probably focus on your studies rather than going to cafes, sitting with a random document open and pretending to study when we all know you are miserably failing all your classes.” Wooyoung says monotone, whilst scrolling through his phone, not even looking at the three girls who now have shocked and offended looks on their faces. Some curses are thrown before the girls end up storming out of the café without even beginning to look at the menu. As soon as the girls leave, Wooyoung returns to the table nonchalantly, acting as if nothing had happened. Opening your mouth to say something, it gets caught in your throat before you get the words out.

Are you going insane?

{feedback is always appreciated and i love hearing from all of you. remember you are loved.} 

part two is out now!!!

#ateez #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez smut #poly ateez #ateez poly #hongjoong #hongjoong smut #seonghwa #seonghwa smut #yunho #yunho smut #yeosang #yeosang smut #san #san smut #mingi #mingi smut #ateez fluff #wooyoung #wooyoung smut #jongho #jongho smut

[eth3real-ess3nce]

My Astro Observations (part 5)

🤲 Gemini placements just love doing activities with their hands. Some have told me that they like smoking just because they got something to do with their hands!!! As a gemini moon, my favourite chore is washing the dishes. guess why.. I got 5284 things to do with my hands. Lol!

🎁 People with Cancer placements are great at remembering anniversaries, birthdays and giving gifts. These are the type of people who plan on your birthday present one month early. Taking the time to consider what to buy for their loved ones is very enjoyable for them. They just want you to feel special and loved, at all costs.

•Another thing I noticed about Cancer energy, is how much they love vintage stuff. Everything that sparks nostalgia to them, they will hold dear to their hearts. Grandma's pot with flower design on them? They'll keep it. Radio that looks half century old? They'll keep it.

🌛 I have never met anyone who had their Moon in a water sign (cancer, scorpio, pisces) and wasn't strikingly beautiful. You guys are stunners!!!

👑 It is said that individuals with their Ascendant in Leo were royalty in a past life. If you're wondering why they are so 'boujee' , this is it, haha. Seeking for the finest things in life & taking extra care of themselves is what they're supposed to do.

🦵 If your personal planets fall in Sagittarius or 9th house, you probably have prominent legs and/or hips. They're either simply noticeable, stronger, or even your most attractive body part.

🍃 Taurus, Leo, Aquarius and Pisces placements are more likely to smoke weed habitually than other placements.

🥀 When Black Moon Lilith touches the IC (4th house) , moon and/or midheaven, it can indicate that the individual's earlier life experiences made them slow to enter adulthood. They are usually late bloomers and it was harder for them to adjust as adults. Many of them feel like their lives truly begin when they hit late adolescence and that they have to "re-parent' themselves in order to figure everything out on their own.

⚔️ When Venus in Aries loves you, they will push you to do better. It's their love language. They fall in love with your potential. These people want to see you win and watch as you conquer your territory in life.

🐏 Moon in Aries might indicate that someone is an only child or the middle child in the family.

👊 People with negative Mars-Moon/Pluto-Moon/Mercury-Moon aspects might had a mother who lost her patience easily , or who lived for conflicts. Many of them even subconsciously experience anxiety and nervousness whenever they're around their mothers because their body has learnt to prepare for defense against fights. You might feel that your mom is your very own energy vampire :(

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 11th house/Uranus dominant people possibly grew up with negative role models , hanging out with friend groups that were toxic, etc. They overall felt like they never had a good role model to look up to and that they have to embody the good example themselves for others to lead. Hence why they never sensed that they don't fit in. This could describe you perfectly if your Saturn is in your 11th.

🖤 If your natal Pluto is in your 5th house, you will have to work on releasing your resentment towards your past lovers, in order to finally get out of the neverending cycle of attracting unwanted relationships & attention. Pent up anger towards lovers who did them wrong is very common with having this placement.

✨ Multiple squares in a natal chart can indicate heightened intuition, psychic abilities, high sensitivity to surroundings.

💗 Your first chilhood love / puppy love / celebrity crush, probably has personal planets conjunct your IC (4th house) or personal planets in the sign you have in your 4th house. My 4th house is in Libra and my first celebrity crushes were Justin Bieber (moon in Libra) and Nick Jonas (Venus in Libra). I don't want to talk about it

👁️ The way Moon in Capricorn eyes look, look exactly like their fathers'. (not the features but rather their look, the stare)

🪐 Another thing I noticed about Moon in Capricorn is that they take permanence very seriously. For example, they might fear getting a tattoo (or take too long to take the decision) because they know that it's going to stay on them forever and it's driving them a bit crazy. Saturn always forces them to be aware of long-term decisions because of that. This is also the reason why loss and grief are the most challenging emotions/state of being for them. They're permanent, deeply influential and irreversible.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

#astrology observations #astro notes #astro observations #moon signs #moon in

[undereveningstars]

Moon in Leo: Strength vs The World

The Moon in Leo is separating from a trine with Jupiter and applying to an opposition with Venus as I write. In a few hours, she will enter a sextile with Mars, before beginning the long and arduous journey towards an opposition with Saturn that will perfect tomorrow night.

I think most astrologers would agree that the Moon separating from one benefic and applying to the other is a pretty fun, cozy time. In my morning meditation I imagined her preparing for whatever lies in store during the Saturn opposition by doing things that nurtured her soul and uplifted her spirit. Perhaps the sextile with Mars would be her training montage before heading out on her Saturnian mission. I could immediately see a parallel with my own morning of meditation and cat cuddles—getting myself into a relaxed, focused headspace before the mountain of chores and responsibilities I would have to take on over the next couple of days. The Moon often speaks to us about our daily tasks. But when I drew The World card from my Tarot deck, I knew the Moon had a more far-reaching message for me.

The World is the card of Saturn, who is acutely aware of what kind of world we live in and how it might limit us. The dancing lady on The World card made me think of Saturn as a goddess, and the Goddess Saturn reminded me of how limited the expression of female divinity is in astrology. Only two of the seven classical planets are traditionally associated with goddesses, and both are given the significations of motherhood, caregiving, and birth. As profound and important as those roles are, shouldn’t the “feminine” planets have a little more range? I think the Moon in Leo, a sign that represents sovereignty over one’s own destiny, might want to resist the limitations imposed on her by tradition.

I started to feel like the Moon and Saturn were speaking to my own experience of gender dysphoria, to the struggle of transitioning in a world that tries to cage me within its strict definition of what I am allowed to do and be. And I am one of the lucky ones—like the Moon gathering strength from Venus and Jupiter, I am fortunate to have access to gender-affirming care, to live in a country where my legal rights are protected (law and justice being Jupiter’s domain, of course!). All the same, it is trivially easy for companies to deny people work or fire us for being trans, for our families to reject us, for social safety nets to fall apart beneath us. The daily task of resisting limiting cultural messages and facing down an endless barricade of transphobic slights in every public or corporate space we enter is exhausting. I am profoundly blessed, but I need to count on every one of those blessings to keep fighting the opposition I face at every turn.

If you’re looking for a way to engage with this transit of the Moon you might meditate on your relationship to The World. Are there times when you feel as though powers much larger than yourself dictate who you get to be? Who or what in your life supports your right to define yourself on your own terms? If you’re a Tarot person, pull The World and Strength out of your favourite deck and consider the story they might be telling you. Was there a time in your life when you felt like it was you against The World, when you showed Strength in the face of adversity? And if you’re looking for something a little lighter to do, I recommend watching Pixar’s Brave—the conflict between the traditional Queen Elinor and her headstrong daughter Princess Merida is a great example of how Saturn opposing the Moon in Leo can look, and how the tension between them can be resolved.

May the Moon in Leo be a guiding light on your quest for self-sovereignty, and may Saturn in Aquarius grant you the strength to resist when it feels as though the whole world stands against you.

#astrology #moon in leo #saturn #leo #aquarius #queer astrology

[conflictandscotchblog]

The Dating Deceit I Still Obsess Over

I tend to fall in love very quickly and, usually, with the wrong woman. Even to this day I still believe Judy, the Time-Life operator, is just playing hard to get. After all, she did send me a football phone (and she wouldn’t do that for just anyone, right?)

I blame movies for my failures in love. I was taught, at a very young age, that when you fall in love, you will know it. There will be fireworks, the soundtrack of your life will swell to a magnificent crescendo and, if you are very lucky, there will be some slow motion running in a field of flowers. Unfortunately for me, no one else seems to be watching the same movie that I am. That’s not to say that I haven’t sabotaged the script myself once or twice in my quest. Sometimes not only am I not watching the movie, but I’ve left the theatre, got into my car, and crashed into a tree on the way home.

One afternoon, when I was about 18 years old, I was talking with my older brother.

“Who is that girl that works at the pharmacy?” he asked. “She is gorgeous.”

“Oh, her?” I replied, and then said something that I regret even to this day.

If, in the future, I am given one-time only access to a time machine, I would not go back to talk to Jesus, nor would I go back and kill the baby Hitler. What I would do is go back to 10 seconds before this conversation took place, and punch my 18-year-old self right in the mouth.

“That’s Kathy,” I said with an undeserved smugness, from an unsupported ego and a false bravado that several decades later I still cringe over when I think about it. “Yeah, she’s in love with me.”

My brother’s head cocked to the side, his mind clearly entertaining the thought that I was adopted, that there was no way we could be related and that my real family would be coming for me any minute now. He then said something that pretty much summed up my love life from that moment through today.

“What are you,” he asked, “an asshole?”

Kathy was beautiful, and sweet, and the nicest person I have ever met in my entire life and yet, I did not want to date her. I wanted to hang out with my friends; I wanted to drink beer and go down to the Shore; I wanted to go out and find the love of my life.

So, yes — I was an asshole.

A few years ago I met a woman whom I really liked. Her name was Hollie and on our first date we met for drinks. We hit it off right away. Loved the same music, movies, books and understood each other’s jokes. After drinks we left the bar and walked toward her car.

“Can I give you a lift?” she asked, and at the moment I was very glad I had parked my 2002 Saturn with the missing hubcaps in a parking garage.

“Sure,” I replied as I stepped into her brand new silver Jaguar. “I’m just around the corner.”

A second date followed, along with dozens of very funny emails (some guys have looks, some guys can dance, I do funny emails). A third date was in the planning stage when I received an email, one I felt Charlotte Bronte might have sent if computers were available in the 19th century:

“My deceit has caught up to me, and I can never see you again.”

I was devastated. It had only been two dates, but I had already imagined the great life we were going to have together. The witty conversations, the laughter from jokes no one else could understand, the sex. All my follow-up emails were ignored so I searched the internet for clues. I tend to get somewhat obsessive. It’s not healthy, and I know it’s wrong; I still remember the license plate number of a girl I had a crush on in high school (I know, scares me, too).

Eventually I gave up — I found nothing. I would have to chalk it up to experience, start the movie again and hope someone else would buy a ticket to the show.

A few months later I was meeting another woman for drinks. The place we were to meet was a very large restaurant with many rooms, each with its own bar. I was there early, so I walked around, moved from room to room, bar to bar, and that’s when I saw her. Hollie. She was standing alone; she did not see me coming as I moved up beside her.

“Hello,” I said.

There is that split second when you first see someone that your face betrays your thoughts, gives you up to the police, hands the invasion plans over to the enemy. Those milliseconds before you have the chance to put on the bullshit smile and say how happy you are to see me.

She was not happy to see me.

We begin the small talk, I ask how she has been and what was she doing here. She tells me she was meeting a friend, but it looks like the friend’s a no show, so she was leaving after this drink. We talk some more, then I ask the question she was hoping I would not ask, but I was tired of tripping over loose ends.

“What was the deceit?”

She refused to discuss it, and then miraculously answered her cell phone that never rang. She then mouths, “I need to take this, I’ll be right back,” and gathered her things and headed toward the front door.

The entrance to the restaurant is very large, more like a garage then a doorway. I watched as she put her cell phone back in her purse just as an older man — tall and distinguished, except for hair like Albert Einstein’s — walked up to her in the parking lot. I can see them talking, a few hand gestures from Hollie (“For the love of God, we can’t go back in there), then the two walked toward her silver Jaguar.

I watched as Hollie, a woman I am sure I would never see again, and the man with Einstein hair whom I was sure had a great deal of money and a very large penis, get into her car and drive away.

As I watched I thought about how I felt about this woman, how I pined for her and thought if I could only see her again I knew I could change her mind. Then another thought came to me. Not so much a thought, but a memory. A conversation I had with my friend Tammy after first meeting Hollie, before the deceit would end things, when I was still walking on air. I told her I had met a woman, and she had a unique way of spelling her name.

“H-O-L-L-I-E,” I said.

Tammy thought for a second. “‘I-E’ and not a ‘Y’?” she asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

I was comforted by what Tammy said next, and the reason I love my friends.

“Yeah,” she said, “she’s a fuckin’ whore bag.”

The movie of my life may not have a leading lady yet, but it does have a wonderful supporting cast.

[astrobydalia]

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨Relationship observations pt. II💘

Hello guys!! In honor of Valentine’s day here’s a part II of one of the posts you loved the most which is relationship observations. This one is pretty long which is what you guys preferred. Hope you like it!

Credit: Tumblr blog @astrobydalia

💘 People with pisces ASC/moon/venus, Venus in the 12th and Neptune in the 7th or conjunct the ASC-DSC axis: it’s so SO easy to make them feel guilty. The type of people to easily feel like it’s their fault when others mistreat them and bc of this they could be more prone to attracting abusive people and narcissists

💘 Also, nobody talks about this and I understand why bc Neptune can be very tricky planet but I think it’s worth mentioning that Neptune is a very spiritual planet that represents unconditional love and therefore can mean true love or a real soul connection so the ruler of the 7th house making an aspect to Neptune, Neptune in the 7th, Juno in the 12th, 12th house synastry etc. can mean true love and a real soul connection in marriage. HOWEVER true love and a real soul connection feeling can often be confused with delusions which is why this planet gets such bad press in relatioships and remember 12th house a lot of times is karma so PLEASE be careful

💘 Venus ruling the 7th, venus in the 7th or Venus aspecting the ruler of the 7th indicates a strong desire to marry for love. Very possible that the person won’t marry unless it’s for love. This also indicates good marriage life

💘 If you don’t have this it of course doesn’t mean you won’t marry for love or won’t marry at all so don’t worry. What I’ve seen in people who don’t have this is they are quite independent when it comes to relationships, they don’t mind getting married but they don’t mind not getting married or staying single either. While people who do have this Venus influence could be low-key obsessed with getting married or having a commitment/relationship

💘 Mercury ruling the 7th, mercury in the 7th or Mercury aspecting the ruler of the 7th indicates marring someone that is funny, someone you can always joke around with

💘 Don’t overlook Chiron in synastry. The house where someone else’s Chiron falls in your own chart could be where you feel like this person is a pain in the ass or where this person will help you achieve great potential

💘 Check Chiron in composite too, it represents where you may feel like you can never agree on or where you often agree to disagree

💘 Once you gain the trust of someone with Taurus Venus they are the absolute SWEETEST people ever

💘 Libra Venus love getting ready for someone special

💘 Check the ascendant in your Juno persona chart, it has some significance as to the energy around you meeting your spouse similar to a composite rising but more subtle energy. For ex. one of my friends has gemini rising in her Juno persona chart and she met her husband when we were in high school when she was about to be picked up by car and she was also holding books in her hands and when she saw him he was with his brother.

💘 The rising in the Juno persona chart also indicates appearance or overall vibe of spouse. For ex the husband of this friend I just told you previously (Gemini rising in her Juno pesona chart) has a very youthful and boyish vibe almost like a teenager he’s also very witty

>>>The actual composite rising you end up having with your spouse or the natal rising sign of your spouse doesn’t have to be the same as the rising of your Juno persona chart. I’ve seen this actually happening before but it doesn’t have to be

💘 In 4th house synastry specially with sun/moon/rising/venus, the house person will naturally see the planet person as a parent or a potential parent. Meaning, somehow the house person “judges” the planet person by deliberating how they’d be as a parent. With this overlay the house person naturally takes care of the needs of the planet person (said needs will be determined by the planet and sign in question) and that’s why the planet person will inevitably see the house person as a good potential parent

💘 There are lots of placements and asteroids that indicate your sexual turn ons but I think that the most potent ones are Lilith, Eros, your 8th house and the ruler of the 8th house. I’ve noticed that these represent specially erogenous zones for you and parts of the body you’re specially attracted to (aside from your kinks and stuff). For example Cancer: breast or nipple, Gemini: lips or hands, Taurus: waist and neck, Leo: hair or back, Sagittarius: hips or thighs etc.

💘 Mars can represent this too but what I’ve seen is that your mars represents more so HOW you like to have sex. It mostly represents how you like to physically approach the sexual act

  💘 8th house represents your sex style, the overall vibe or attitude you want in the sexual act. For ex you may like being dominant during sex with mars in Capricorn but want the sexual act to feel emotional and vulnerable with Cancer in the 8th or raw and fiery with Aries in the 8th

💘 Also, your 8th house is EVERYTHING when it comes to feeling satisfied sexually regardless of your kinks and turn ons. If you have sex that checks all the boxes for all your kinks/turn ons but doesn’t match up with your 8th house energy you will likely end up feeling low-key unsatisfied

💘 Couples with their moons in sister signs (or opposing moons) are either the perfect couple or a fucking disaster

💘 In my opinion, Sun-Moon, Sun-Sun or Moon-moon contacts in synastry are essential for a relationship to work out or last

💘 People with Juno retrograde are the MOST cautious when it comes to marriage, they could be a bit picky and often give the impression they’re not interested in commitment at all specially if it’s placed in Aquarius it gives huge Mr./Mrs Independent vibes

💘 Juno in a water sign gives player vibes, they are the type jump from person to person and likely have a long history of flings and flirting. These people have dated around A LOT and will only commit to that one person that truly manages to capture their heart deeply

💘 Juno in a fire sign are the type of people that wanna marry their crush two weeks or even days into meeting them. They often mistake “attraction at first sight” for “love at first sight”. The second they feel they have real good chemistry with someone they think it’s the love of their life

💘 Juno in an Air sign people need to feel like they really click with someone and they will want to commit only after really getting to know the person. They fall in love with the person’s mind first. They can easily un-crush someone in a second if they don’t like the person’s mind

💘 Juno in an Earth sign people are the most coutios when it comes to commitment. They migh deliberately delay marriage just to be SURE they are getting a reliable future and wanna be certain that it’s the absolute right time

💘 Before starting with the composite observations, you should know that synastry is the dynamic between two people but composite represents what the relationship really is, so that’s why on this post I’m focusing on composite

💘 I’ve noticed that the 2nd house in a composite chart indicates the “glue” or foundation of the relationship, its stability. Mars in this house could create a relationship based on sex for example, Venus a relationship based on love and affection, Saturn a relationship based on stability and compromise etc.

💘 4th house and moon in the composite represents the depths of the relationship. How you guys feel deep down about each other, how you make each other feel. This part of your relationship shows specially when you get true and honest with what are your real feelings

💘 Aquarius or Uranus in the 4th house, Aquarius moon or Moon conjunct Uranus in the composite creates a whole deal of emotional detachment for each other. Could be very emotionally cold to each other and one or both could see the other as insensitive specially if one of them has natal water or fire moon

💘 Aquarius Sun or risings in the composite however is huge best friend vibes regardless of the nature of the relationship. Moon conjunction Uranus can also get away with giving this vibe

💘 Virgos and Scorpios naturally find each other because they tend to have composite Sun in Libra :) So that togetherness and companionship energy is natural for them

💘 Aries moon in the composite chart is that type of relationship where any insult actually means “I love you”. Is that type of dynamic where one’s like “I love you, stupid bitch” and the other goes “🥰🥰” and then they both laugh

💘 Pisces moon in the composite is cute but also a bit tricky if afflicted, the couple could constantly feel they have to watch themselves in order to not hurt or offend the other, like constantly walking on eggshells. Needless to say also these relationships are very intuitive, if one or both are lying or hidding something (which often happens with this placement I’ve seen), the other just KNOWS

💘 Saturn in the 7th in the composite is very good aspect for staying together long-term but it can also mean that the couple is for some reason “forced” to be together or to see each other. They come together due to circumstances and not necessarily by choice (Saturn represents responsibilities, burdens or obligations). You have to look for indicators of love and romance otherwise it’s gonna be a relationship that stays together but more out of duty than real love

💘 Juno in the 4th house in the composite (specially conjunct some planet) is more indicative of marriage (or loyalty/compromise) than Juno in the 1st

💘 Vesta exactly conjunct South Node in the composite creates a STRONG soul-mate feeling and great devotion. These relationships are so long lasting the type where you just know you’re gonna be together your entire life

💘 Chiron in the 1st in the composite chart = feeling uncomfortable with each other, like you’re incompatible or like you don’t click together at all. Can also create a “can’t be together” vibe but not in a platonic Pisces way it’s more like there’s some incompatibility that can’t be salvaged and “stops” the couple from meeting/coming together or the relationship from taking place at least at first. Basically the relationship feels broken before even starting. The sign Chiron is in gives insight as to what’s the nature of this incompatibility.

💘 Saturn in the 8th in the composite = reluctance to have sex, one might have been sexually rejected by the other

💘 Chiron in the 10th in the composite = you don’t like working with this person. I have this with one of my best friends, we tried to run an IG page together and it was a disaster lmao

💘 Sun and maybe Venus in the 10th house in the composite indicates your relationship is source of gossip or at the very least everybody knows about your relationship

💘 If a composite planet or point falls in your natal 10th house then the relationship might affect your reputation

💘 The most harmonious and the most healthy relationships I’ve seen had empty 7th house empty 12th and empty 8th house in the composite. Literally 0 drama, 0 tensions, 0 codependency and surprisingly unbreakable (supported by other aspects of course)

💘 With that said the number 1 best house for synastry or composite in my opinion and based on what I have seen is the 9th house both friendship and relationship, also the 5th, 4th, 2nd, 11th, 3rd

💘 People who have your DSC sign as their moon sign will strike you quite strongly. Not necessarily their moon falling in your 7th or conjunct the DSC (tho this is stronger) I’ve seen that the fact that someone has your DSC sign as their moon sign is enough to create a little “crush” feeling or you feel like you can’t hate that person bc may see them as cute.

💘 The people I’ve seen that have gone through a harsh divorce mostly had in their natal chart: North Node in the 7th, Chiron in the 7th house, Saturn rx in the 7th house, Jupiter Square Uranus and planets or angles in Aquarius degrees (11°, 23°) specially if Venus or Moon are in these degrees or conjunct a planet that is in these degrees. These indicators can apply to breaking up a long-term relationship, breaking an engagement, etc. except probably Jupiter square Uranus. This one is particularly a divorce aspect specially in women’s charts. Also, side note, if Pluto or Uranus are involved, these people may have a devastating divorce or breakup 

💘 Composite planets in the composite 12th house can create a feeling like the relationship has an expiration date. One or both people are for some reason constantly anxious that the relationship might end. If they stay feeding these energy they’ll likely have a self-fulfilling prophecy

💘 Pisces rising in the composite makes for a very psychic bond. Could be the type of relationship where you’re thinking and wondering about them and boom they suddenly text you. These people are usually there for each other bc they intuitively know when to be

💘 This is probably a no-brainer but many life-long friendships I’ve seen had stelliums or planets in the 5th house-11th house axis or the 3rd house-9th house axis of the composite

💘 With Leo rising in the composite I’ve noticed these people always have very funny stories to tell about stuff they’ve been through and lived together. There’s a lot of “remember when...” followed by loud laughter. 

💘 North north node in the composite 5th house is a great placement

💘 6th house placements in the composite and synastry creates a dynamic where the two people and the relationship itself ends up feeling extremely predictable. The couple may find one specific routine or activity they like doing together or they always find themselves doing the same 3 activities every time they are together. This can be good or bad depending on what you want in a relationship, some people find it extremely boring or understamulating and others prefer it because it gives them a sense of stability or reliability

💘 Moon conjunct Chiron in composite is indicative of a healing relationship

Credit: Tumblr Blog @astrobydalia

#astro #astrology #zodiac #astro notes #astro observations

[thegardenchronicles]

Astrology Observations 1

Disclaimer: All of these are only personal observations based on people I know in my life. It is not necessary for these to relate to you, they are mostly subjective. Also, the energy of all of the placements mentioned can change depending on their entire chart.

Please do not copy/plagiarize my work and do not repost without my permission.

💚 12th House placements/stellium are some of the most intuitive people I know and really have the ability to be psychic, but so many tend to be hesitant to tap into this side of themselves.

💚 Virgo moons are so organized and just hate disorder. Like they cannot think or function in chaos. Mess really stirs something up in their soul haha. You will also never find them looking crusty. Always neat and clean and tidy. May go for other virgo placements too, but I really feel like this may be enhanced in the moon.

💚 I really feel that Venus square Ascendant affects an individual no matter how tight the aspect is. I have seen so many with this placement who absolutely refuse to think that they are beautiful, and this thought actually occupies a lot of their mind. I really hope you guys see your true beauty one day. ❤️

💚 Why do I see so much about Venus in Aries being cheaters? What bs is that? Venus in Aries are some of the most charming, passionate and lovable people i know. They know their worth and I really admire their confidence. Yes they fall in love quickly, and tend to fall out of love quickly too, but they love so "wholly", like, completely, without suffocating others. They're amazing.

💚 This is common knowledge but Capricorn placements/Saturn dominants go through so much in their lives. They truly go through a lot of hard times. So many of my close friends are Capricorn placements and have been through so much, but they always come out so strong. They also never forget anyone who has wronged them. They're not really the active revenge type, they'll be successful leaving you wondering what happened.

💚 Sagittarius Risings are so funny, jovial and spontaneous. But a lot of people forget that they have Scorpio in their 12th house. What I've noticed is that they really don't like being by themselves, because they fear just being alone with their thoughts. They're really avoidant about their feelings. Go check up on your local Sagittarius rising.

💚 I absolutely love Pisces and Leo placements in a chart especially when they're both in personal placements. This energy is just so happy and caring and loyal. They really make everyone feel included.

💚 I've noticed that a lot of people attract the energies that they lack in their own chart. For example, I have a lot of fire and air in my chart, but almost no earth and water, yet my closest friends are water and earth placements. My mum has a lot of earth and fire in her chart, yet she attracts a lot of water placements. This may not resonate with everyone though.

💚 Capricorn and Aries in a chart makes someone a great leader. A risk taker, but makes calculated risks. But can also be super fun. Knows how to party.

💚 Sagittarius combined with Aquarius placements makes someone sooooo chill. They may also seem high? lmfao even when they're not. Especially if you add in some Pisces placements too. It takes a lot for them to get mad or angry. Also are down for anything. Skip school and drive to fucking Pasadena? They'll do it.

💚 Cancer and Capricorn placements are usually super close and sweet to their friends, but they're not the nicest to outsiders or people they don't know. I find this interesting because they're both opposite signs, but I think that's where they converge. The difference though is that Cancers tend to be, well, "crabby" to others while Capricorns are just cold to you in a subtle way, but still professional. Super sweet once you get to know them so don't judge a book by it's cover.

💚 I know a lot of people associate Scorpios with a dark aesthetic, but I really feel that they're "dark" only on the outside. Once you get to know them they're so cute and awkward hahah. I love them. Scorpio placements love being cuddled too but will never admit it. Go give your Scorpio friend a hug. (With consent of course.)

That's it for my first observations post! Sorry if it didn't resonate! Let me know what you think!

love, crystal 💮

GO TO MASTERLIST

picture sources: pinterest

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#aesthetic #aquarius #astro notes #astro observations #spirituality #oracle cards #tarot #aries traits #astrology #astro community #sagittarius #gemini #taurus #cancer #capricorn #pisces #tgc astro #tgc astro obs

[your-astro-mami]

can you read jfk jr's and carolyn bessette kennedy's synastry?

After I saw these photos on twitter, I had to come back to this question and make a post about them.

I have read a lot about their relationship, I was kind of fascinated by them. Her making him wait a few weeks before answering to his proposal, the on-off relationship, alleged affairs, etc. I don't know which parts are true and which aren't - unfortunately they were gone too early and we only have other people's words.

I will start off with some notes from their personal charts:

Carolyn Bessette:

As a fellow Aquarius Rising, I was always very drawn to her.

Venus-Mars-Lilith conjunction with Venus and Mars in the 1st House

Great amount of charisma, but also charisma that can give others sense of danger, a charisma that pulls you in. She was described as a heartbreaker - guys seemed to fall head over heels for her, they were attracted to how detached she was (Isn't this always the case?). Lilith can definitely love attention and connected to Mars-Venus, I can see it making its romantic interests prove themselves to her, making them do the impossible for her, while she does nothing in return for them.

Her Saturn in the 1st House also gave her some coldness, unaprochability, someone whose presence demands respect. Jupiter in 5th - many romantic opportunities.

Her Sun in 12th opposite her Moon in 6th. Sun in 12th can make someone quite introverted - doesn't mean they are antisocial, but they can seem like the people who are lost in their own world, wherever they are. Moon in 6th can show anxiety(not the disorder, but a lot of stress, worrying). Someone who is very nitpicky, it can also show issues with food (which she allegedly had according to one book).

Juno conjunct Pallas - can be a sign that someone is VERY picky about commitment, long-term partner, think of it as an intelligent choice of partner. No wonder she made him wait.

Uranus-Pluto conjunction in 7th can be a sign of chaotic romantic life - more connected to the partner. Pluto in 7th can be a sign of attracting people with power, but it can show also show that the person can be very intense in their relationship, there can be a constant battle for control. Uranus in 7th can show on-off relationships.

JFK Jr:

Ascendant conjunct North Node and Pluto.

Maybe he was destined for a position in power - I have read that he did have an interest in politics, which can be slightly obvious in his chart, with Mars in 11th (very socially active placement, a likely humanitarian, someone who will take action for the changes he wants to see)

Venus in the 4th House conjunct Jupiter and Saturn

First, with Venus in 4th, this can show a very family-oriented person. The Venus-Saturn conjunction can show attraction to long-term relationships, but with Venus in 4th House it can also show struggles connected to family - in his case, loss of loved ones. Venus-Jupiter conjunction can show someone who is very generous with their love, someone who craves love, someone who does their best to express it in the most grandious ways. Jupiter in 4th can also be a sign of having a large family.

His Moon was also in the 6th House, squaring his Sun and opposing Uranus. This can create someone who may have trouble with expresing his emotions, may feel disconnected to them - or totally disregard them, like that side of him doesn't exist. With Moon in 6th and Uranus opposing it in the 12th House, this may show someone who shows him emotions in private, or someone very isolated from his emotions - he may have relied only on himself to get through his struggles.

Their Synastry:

Her Ascendant-Venus-Mars-Lilith conjunction falls into his 5th House - of romantic relationships, affairs, the things that bring him joy and excitement. He saw her as an object of desire, someone who brought out positive feelings in him. The 5th House also shows thrill, something you may seek to go after - I wouldn't be suprised if he felt competitive about her love. Her Sun also fell in his 5th House.

I've always loved these two photos, because they look so natural, so free, also VERY Venus in 5th House.

Her Saturn falls into his 7th, which can generally be a sign of a long-term relationship, a commitment. In certain cases it can also show a pair who bring out each other's insecurities and compete for control, but I am not very sure if that was a part of their relationship. It can also show willing to go through a lot to work on a relationship.

Her Pluto falls in his 1st House, which could've made him her obsession, someone she deeply but also secretly desired. There are many conspiracies about how they met and that she was obsessed with him beforehand.

Her Moon is in his 11th House. Honestly one of my favourite synastry aspects. The 11th House is very positive, it brings luck and good fortune and whenever your Moon falls into someone's 11th House, they just know how to always make you feel better. Great for friendships, great for romantic relationships.

We talked about his Aquarius Moon in 6th and the "bad" aspects it had to his Sun and Uranus. Now, his Moon falls in her 1st House. This can show that he felt very open, very understood around her, she was someone who accepted him for who he was.

His Pluto falls in her 7th House, which can show a relationship that is very intense, but also very controlling, making both people want to overpower the other person. His Mars falls in her 6th House, which may have made him very demanding towards her.

Then for aspects, we have:

Her Sun conjunct his Saturn. He was willing to do whatever it took for her and their relationship, he was likely very devoted to her.

Her Moon conjunct his Mars. Very loving aspect, he was likely very protective over her. One way I like to explain this aspect is through comparing how some men, who are very dominant in public, very strong, demand respect - are also very soft around their partner, willing to do anything for them, willing to follow them around and grant them their wishes. This is the kind of couple I see having this aspect.

Her Sun and Mercury conjunct His Jupiter. Happiness through being in the other person's presence, communicating with them. She likely brought joy in his life.

Her Sun conjuncts His Venus. She represented the things he found beautiful, what he was attracted to. Can be a sign of sharing a lot of interests, but also general romantic attraction.

Her Venus squaring his Mercury. This can show that he was unable to understand her demands, what she wanted from the relationship.

Her Mars squaring his Mercury. One of the bad Mercury placements you can have with someone, as it can show impatience with the other person, stubbornness, when you're unwilling to hear them out. It can also show that fights can turn bad quite fast.

Her Venus, Lilith and Mars square his Neptune. This can be a sign of victimhood, wanting to see something in the other person that they don't have. In certain situations it can also show trying to live up to someone's standarts (in this case, it was her trying to live up to him). The Neptune person, in aspects like this, can fall into victimhood, but they are also unaware of how their own actions and delusions may impact others.

Overall, their own charts had their complications. The books that include parts about their relationship are all very interesting and are good reads (Fairy Tale Interrupted is good). I can see some of the things said about them and their relationship in the charts.

R.I.P. to these beautiful people <3

#astrology #synastry #zodiac signs #carolyn bessette #jfk jr #the kennedys #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

[1111jenx]

Hiii how are you?, pls help me with this. So I was looking on the internet about my 12th house mercury and people kept saying that it is a bad placement and it relates to mental illnesses. Are 12th house placements bad? What do you think about this?

I am kinda worried 👀

Hey beautiful🥰

Thank you for your questions! I'll be more than happy to offer you some insights:") I understand where you're coming from and if I were to read up on different websites just to find out that my placements indicate mental illness I wouldn't be too happy either:D

First and foremost, I want to assure you with this, lets get one thing clear, no one, especially no astrologers can tell you you 100% have mental illness. Only certified medical professionals can do that. Legally except for professionals, no one can diagnose you love so please don't let this get to you okay?🥺 Second of all, I know a plentiful of people who have Mercury in the 12H, including my best friends of 15 years who may have her crackhead as well as ups& downs kinda moments yet are she is one of the most positive people I've ever met and she does not have any any other positive aspects to her mercury except for a conjunction to saturn. But that's not what you're asking here:D So why is it that people think 12th house placements are "bad" and that 12H Mercury may indicate certain issues?

Its because the 12th house rules over a bunch of thing a lot of people don't consider necessarily "ideal". The 12th house rules over secrets, one's down fall, delusions, drugs, restraints, sufferings, karma and a bunch of other traditionally "bad" stuff. Therefore, having a 12th house Mercury can be interpreted as having issues within your thoughts process and having problems with expressing fully and wholely your original mind to others. But thats the bad stuff only, this placement is so much more than that!

While I do notice that 12H Mercury can overthink and handle stress very intensely, we must also consider the beneficial side of this placement. It is indeed a very interesting placement and indicate a person in possession of visionary thoughts or ideas, who have ideas that can actually change the world. In some cases, its even connected to its psychic abilities and possessing musical and artistic capacities!! Lets also not ignore the fact that these people have great gut feelings and instinctive abilities that may be manifested in them being amazingly strategic and intuitive. Some people that have this placement include Beyonce, Dalai Lama, Hemingway, Putin and Bach. Personally, I considered these people as brilliant minds and voices that once heard and acknowledged, make the least expected geniuses.

As for 12th house placements in general, I don't think any 12th house placements is bad. To be very honest. I have a Venus 12th house yet I have received nothing but great blessings from this placement. Running away or shutting off temporarily may be a big theme for 12th house placements but I think they are some of the realest minds I've ever encountered. They're so "human" and raw in a way that I think is exceptionally brave, not everyone is strong enough to face their demons. Before I had always belief that life should be lacquered with roses and champagnes to be defined as beautiful yet it is not true in that way. Great sufferings and challenges will always come at great rewards. You prolly don't even need me for this haha but you see how there are sooooo many stories about those people who works a 9-5 just to do another night shift so they can support their dreams and loved ones and one day, they finally achieve success? Thats what I think 12th house placements represent. Lessons learned the hard way yet will always come with fruitful rewards🤎 I think its also good for 12H people to surround themselves with some fire placements or 1H, 8H and 10H people as they can relate to you one way or another a lot of the time I see these people pushing one another to growth:")

I hope this lengthy answer offered you some peace of mind and helped you get a better perspective of your placement love🥰 Heres a picture of beyonce to start ya day:D

saint jenx🪐

#astrojenx #astrology observations #astro notes #astrology #astrology notes #astrotips #leo venus #libra rising #moon in scorpio #libra sun #12th house stellium #12th house venus #mercury in the 12th house

[poppysicle]

A Late Night Snack - Marichat

I was inspired by @cat-saturn‘s art of Marinette and Chat Noir eating spaghetti. This is my first time writing any Miraculous Ladybug Fics, but I couldn’t help it and it’s been years since I’ve written so I’m rusty and I apologize!

It was later than she expected it to be.

All the tossing and turning throughout the night kept her awake, the moon continuously shining in the bedroom from the window. It felt like the night was going for an eternity. Marinette sat up in her bed, the sheets falling from her chest to her waist, her hands coming up to her face so she could rub her eyes with her palms. Reaching over to the side table beside her bed, she unhooked her cellphone from the charger to read the time.

12:13 AM

Marinette groaned as she fell back with her head hitting the pillow. She glanced at her window, only seeing the streetlamps glowing and the building across the way from the third floor and up. It was quiet, not a sound in the streets. She finished her patrol a mere three hours ago and she almost wished she stayed out as long as Chat Noir planned on.

She pushed the duvet off her body and swung her legs off the bed to stand up, immediately as if on cue, her stomach rumbled. Marinette thought about what she had eaten today but realized she forgot to have dinner before the patrol and was too drained to cook after. The walk to the kitchen was quiet but she turned on a lamp that left a light glow into the apartment. Her hands reached for the window to open it to bring in the cool Paris air before retrieving the pots and pans she needed to make some spaghetti.

The pot of water began to boil in no time as she prepped the noodles and started to make the sauce. The apartment began to smell of the delicious home cooked sauce her father taught her to make before she moved out for the days they went out on their date nights or group dinners with their own friends.

It was an easy dish to make and one that never took long to make. Marinette realized she might’ve made too much in the end as she drained the noodles. The sound echoed in the living space as she placed the noodles back in the pot and took out a plate.

A sudden movement caused her to jump as she turned towards the window to see a familiar figure with bright green eyes. Chat Noir sat on the window seal, smiling at her as he waved with his baton in hand. She let go of the breath she had been holding, this was nothing new with this feline and Marinette couldn’t help but smile.

“Good evening, Marinette. Sorry to barge in without question,” he greeted sheepishly, “but I could smell your cooking from a mile away!”

Marinette laughed quietly, “I’m assuming you’re hungry too?”

Chat Noir nodded immediately with his blonde, short hair bouncing slightly in motion and glanced at the singular plate in her hand, “Happen to have an extra plate to spare?”

“For you? Always.”

He beamed at her response and watched her grab another plate from the cabinet before filling them both with noodles and placing sauce on top. She handed him a plate with silverware and he took a spot beside the window. Marinette jumped onto the kitchen counter across from him and grabbed the plate before taking her first bite.

They both let out a happy sigh as they ate quietly together. Chat leaned back into the counter as he stood, looking outside the window at the city. Marinette noticed his eyes and tried to follow his eyes but the wall blocked her vision.

“How is your night going?” She asked, bright blue eyes on him.

“Eh, nothing too bad. A cat was stuck in a tree, someone with a dead phone was lost, and a young tourist was upset about missing her parents.” Chat shrugged before meeting her eyes. “It was quite boring tonight.”

Marinette nodded, “I can understand that. Was Ladybug not on patrol with you tonight?”

The man shook his head with the jingle of his bell, “She was earlier but had to leave early. Now it’s just little ol’ me, but I don’t think I’m doing the best job if I let myself get distracted by some pasta.”

They both laughed and Marinette shrugged, “I’m sure she doesn’t mind you taking a small break anyway.”

“I can only hope so!” He replied but not before furrowing his eyebrows. “By the way, why are you up right now?”

She paused, not daring to look at him before pursing her lips. “I couldn’t sleep, I guess I have a lot on my mind right now.”

“You seem like a busy person.”

“With too many responsibilities,” Marinette frowned. “I wish I could have a break but I don’t recall ever having one longer than an hour in the past five years.”

Chat frowned with her, “What’s got you so busy?”

The blue-haired girl shook her head, “It’s nothing crazy. Maybe I’m just bad at time management?”

“Well, if you ever need anyone to lighten the load I can help out! Or, I’m sure you’ve got some great friends who can help out.”

“I don’t think so, I personally haven’t been the greatest friend.”

She thought back to her time in high school, the constant lying and disappearing. The hiding so many secrets she couldn’t bear to hold on own, until Alya gave her a chance to open up. She told Alya everything and a little bit of weight went off her shoulders. But, it still didn’t help that she felt like a horrible friend to everyone; including the one she loved.

Adrien had tried many times to give her a chance to open up, but it made her closet into her own mind more and more. She didn’t think she’d ever have a chance to be with him and give him the love he deserved due to her lack of existing around everyone. It was hard to let him go as well as some of the other people in her life. It was what she thought was best and she almost did the same with Chat.

But, he wouldn’t allow her to hide away and he was right to do so. She was his partner, right-hand man, and world. Marinette realized she still needed him no matter what even though she said some mean things. In the end, that is what truly kept her up all night. Almost losing the last person she needed the most. Yet, here he is, not speaking horribly of Ladybug and not letting anything bother him because he knows her so well and how much he means to her.

“Don’t let it get to you,” Chat broke her out of her thoughts. “We all say things we don’t mean, but all you can do is apologize for it and allow yourself to grow from it.”

“You say that like you have experience from it.”

“Well, I’ve been around someone I love long enough to understand that these things happen. It gets the best of everyone, whether it be a parent, friend, lover..”

Marinette nodded, “I guess so. But, what if they don’t forgive you?”

“You just have to give them time,” he replied with a soft smile. “In the end, that’s all what it’s about, right? How much time you take to apologize and how long it will take for them to heal.”

“You’re right.” She responded, glancing at the sky again where the moon sat beautifully. “It can never be too late, right?”

“Never.”

Chat Noir stared at her with a smile and she felt herself under his gaze and placed her focus on her noodles twirling around her fork. His eyes soon left her and went back to his own plate  of noodles. Marinette and Chat sat quietly together until their plates emptied. She watched him rinse the plate in her sink before placing it down and drying his own hands.

“Well, I should be heading out. I still have another area to cover.”

Marinette didn’t allow herself to look disappointed as she set her bowl down beside her. She jumped off the counter, her long hair bouncing with her.

“Thank you for stopping by,” she said. “And thanks for the advice.”

Chat Noir winked, “You can count on me, Marinette! But I hope you take the advice.”

“You can count on me.” Marinette repeated back with a wink.

The feline laughed before he jumped from the window and went out into the dark of Paris, leaving Marinette on her own. She cleaned the pots, pans, and plates before heading back into her room. She found her phone again, scrolling through her contacts. Her heart hammered in her chest, wishing she would have done this sooner.

But, this was the first step.The name she needed popped up with an old picture of the blonde boy beside the name and she pressed the texting bubble, her fingers hovered over the keyboard. You can do this Marinette. It’s never too late. She took a deep breath and began to type.

Hey, I know it’s been awhile..

#miraculous ladybug #ml s4 spoilers #marichat #adrinette #chat noir #ladybug #marichat fic #art #marichat art

[hamliet]

Metals and Heavenly Bodies: Why There Is So Much Metal in RWBY

So, why is RWBY so metal? 

RWBY uses metallic symbolism to explore the alchemical process (the refinement of metal into gold via the creation of the philosopher’s stone). Alchemy has seven metals that are ordered in terms of refinement: three base metals, one that is the most refined of base metals, and three refined metals. RWBY has been associating each metal with certain characters. It’s also been giving these characters their ultimate focus in the precise order of refinement.

Metals in alchemy are also associated with heavenly bodies, or planets (well, plus the sun and moon, because we’re dealing with ancient astronomy here). The planets, of course, are named after Roman gods, so they too can be associated with the metals, and RWBY directly correlates them.

NB: It’s very valid to critique tropes and subtext. This isn’t intended to invalidate any criticism but rather to offer a symbolic reading of the metal motif.

So, let’s dive in.

Base Metals:

Lead-Saturn

Associated characters: Qrow Branwen, Ruby Rose, Mercury Black

While I can’t think of any specific reference to lead in RWBY, there are a ton of references to the mythical Saturn. 

Saturn's father (Uranus) was a piece of work who hated Saturn’s mother and so took his son (and other children) and imprisoned them in a cave so that they could never see the sunlight. Saturn’s mother eventually persuaded Saturn to take a sickle and castrate his father. He then wasn’t a particularly great dad himself, becoming more like his father than not.

In alchemy in particular, we have images of Saturn with a prosthetic leg (see: above). This is where Mercury begins his arc. He’s abused by his father, who steals his semblance and refuses to allow Mercury to be his own person (effectively rendering him a prisoner). So, Mercury kills him, and then is taken in by Cinder and Emerald to be an assassin for them, an assassin just like his father. You can see the parallels. 

Saturn’s sickle is also often drawn as a scythe, which Death holds in the above image. A scythe is of course the weapon used by Ruby and by Qrow--specifically, Qrow is the person Ruby imitates and admires. But we know (and Ruby now does to) that Qrow is a flawed human himself; Ruby is better of becoming her own person rather than continuing to stay like her father-figure in Qrow (her own dad is great, but that doesn’t mean Qrow isn’t also a dad figure to her!) 

Qrow, of course, is self-destructive, believing his semblance is to bring bad luck wherever he goes. His name is “crow,” the bird symbolizing the first (black) stage of death and rotting in alchemy. His own upbringing can also be compared to Saturn’s. 

But, you see, Saturn isn’t actually a sign of doom and death. It is one of the symbols of the prima materia, the lead to be transformed into gold by the end of the alchemical process. It shows where the characters can grow, and indeed all three of them are along their path towards growing. 

Tin-Jupiter

Associated character(s): James Ironwood (maybe Weiss Schnee)

Well, I’m actually going to talk more about Ironwood and his arc in the next section. But in Ozpin’s circle, in which characters are based on The Wizard of Oz (a blatantly alchemical story), we have Qrow as the scarecrow, Lionheart as the Cowardly Lion, and Ironwood as the tin man. Jupiter is also associated with the Sublimation stage in the process of alchemy, which is where we are now. 

In case we didn’t get the allusion, RWBY has helpfully placed artwork of tin men on the walls in the background of Weiss’s room this season.

I’m aware that this screenshot isn’t from this season but it gets the point across. I also feel tin might well have an association with Weiss and where she was at in her arc after the fall of Beacon. 

Additionally, Jupiter is actually Saturn’s son in mythology, and is saved from being eaten by his father (look Saturn really wasn’t awesome). He returns to force his father to regurgitate his siblings, and Jupiter and his rescued siblings (yes they were still alive; it’s mythology) fight to dethrone their father. They succeed with the use of lightning, among other things. Saturn was then imprisoned in tartarus. You can see the parallels. 

Do note that the glowing sun above the head of the tin man on Weiss’s wall, showing Weiss is destined to become refined like gold. The golden sun is in sharp contrast to Ironwood’s allusion to the Dark Sun, but there’s a lot more to say about Ironwood in the Iron section. 

Iron-Mars

Associated characters: James Ironwood, Marcus Black, Mercury Black

First, let’s continue with Ironwood. I’ve noted before that iron is associated with war:

Iron in particular is ruled by Mars, the god of war, meaning it is associated with violence. It’s not a coincidence that pretty much from the second Ironwood is introduced, the concept of war comes up, and his entire character has gone on to be the embodiment of the military and violence.

In addition to seeing himself as a sort of be-all-end-all Jupiter figure, Ironwood of course is always expecting war. His arc is one of reverse alchemy, which is a thing. It means that instead of becoming refined, he’s corroding from Iron to Tin. I don’t see good things for him. 

Mars in mythology also becomes obsessed with Venus, which... you’ll have to read the next section for that ;) 

Marcus Black, of course, is an assassin, hence it makes sense that his name literally means “dedicated to Mars.” Mercury (our Mercury) becomes more like him in taking over his role as an assassin. He’s so broken from his father’s abuse that he refuses to become his own person and just falls into his father’s role. It’s tragic. 

So is Mercury’s arc reverse alchemy? No, I don’t think so. There’s more (of course) later on, but if we look at the stages of his development, we see he has moved from Lead to Iron. It’s progress. His leg is a focus for the early arcs of the story (he uses it, along with Emerald’s semblance, to trick everyone into turning against Yang), and only later did we learn his history with his father. Even if the events of course did not happen in succession, the story revealed the allusions one after each other. He’s also made progress in that he’s clearly emotionally attached to Emerald even if he pretends otherwise. Also... (see below)

The Most Perfectable Base Metal:

Copper-Venus

Associated character: Penny Polendina

As I also mentioned previously, Penny’s name references copper (a “copper penny”). The Summa Perfectionis, a thirteenth century alchemical text, calls copper “the most perfectable of base metals.” 

Venus in alchemical imagery is almost always wearing (or surrounded by, since she’s also often, well, not wearing anything) green. 

Green is in alchemy the color of the prima materia, the raw, immature material that will eventually be refined into gold, because green is of course symbolic of the earth, fertility, growth, etc.

As I wrote previously, in mythology Mars had a thing for Venus. I’m certainly not suggesting Ironwood has a thing for Penny in a romantic/sexual sense, but he does seek to control her, and like the Mars of myth, his pursuit of Penny/Venus leads to his humiliation (the Mars of myth gets caught in a trap--no literally a net--by Venus’s angry husband). 

In contrast to Ironwood, Penny, who is originally made entirely of metal, becomes human, while Ironwood becomes more metal--not necessarily literally, but in his spirit. He’s lost his humanity, or rather, gave it away, while Penny found hers. It makes sense to me that a story with spiritual alchemy at its core (which focuses in the Jungian sense on individuation/self-actualization, or fully coming into an understanding of the self) would have Penny literally transform into what she has always been: a final product, a real girl, the philosopher’s stone. 

Refined Metals:

Now these are going to be a bit more predictive. The allusions are clearly there, but how exactly those will play out I don’t know because if we look at these metals as steps in the process, we’re not quite there yet. 

Mercury-Mercury

Associated character(s): Mercury Black, (maybe Emerald Sustrai)

I think the name says it all. 

Kidding. Mercury as a metal is also known as argentvive or quicksilver. It, along with sulphur, form the basis of the alchemical process. They must be united to achieve the Philosopher’s Stone (it’s one of the reasons I am wondering if we’re going to get an important, Mercury-related event in a place named for sulphur or its other name, brimstone, in Vacuo; all the places we know of in Vacuo are named after types of stones including several that are sulfuric in nature). Mercury himself unites the two principles of the work, sun and moon (for who those are, read below). Mercury is the metal from which all other metals come from--he’s way more important to this story than we’ve seen yet. Most likely, he will eventually turn on Salem as well, and in a pivotal moment.

As a god, Mercurius is the author of alchemy. He’s the mythical author of the Emerald Tablet (which Emerald’s name alludes to; I actually don’t personally think Emerald alludes very much to Aladdin. Instead, I think her allusion is the Emerald Tablet and her Egyptian design is based on Thoth, Mercury’s Egyptian counterpart). Mercury is the spirit that gives life.

Lyndy Abraham notes that Mercury is “both destructive and creative” (oh look at the relics of Atlas and Vacuo) and that “the elusive, duplicitous Mercurius who consorts with the devil is at the same time a redeeming psychopomp” (”psychopomp” means spiritual guide) “The fact that he can freely participate in both light and dark worlds without taint makes Mercurius the perfect mediating bridge.” Jung calls Mercury “a symbol uniting all the opposites.” So yeah, Mercury should have a redemption arc that will probably be pivotal in the story.

If we follow the self-actualization endgame of spiritual alchemy, with true life and wisdom as the metaphorical philosopher’s stone here, I think it’s likely Mercury becomes more himself--going from being Lead to Iron (as he’s clearly spiraling right now, but also has a connection to Emerald) to Mercury. I would also suspect he’d get his semblance back to establish that he’s his “own person” (a major recurring theme of RWBY), and while, like with Yang and her arm, I don’t think he’ll get new legs, I think it’s pretty likely his semblance will enable him to fly (since mythical Mercury, you know, flies). 

Silver-Moon

Associated character(s): Ruby Rose (also Weiss Schnee, Blake Belladonna, Oscar Pine, Jaune Arc, and Summer Rose).

The most important character here is Ruby, obviously. She’s our MC and titular character! But Weiss, Jaune, Blake, Summer, and Oscar are all addressed here. But I think it’s obvious that Ruby’s defining trait is her silver eyes. They got her noticed by Ozpin and sent to Beacon early, they’re the reason Salem is targeting her, they’re what could destroy her (turning into a Grimm) or save the world (what’s going to happen). Silver is noted to be “pure” which is what other characters constantly comment Ruby is. 

Gold-Sun

Associated character(s): Oscar Pine (also Sun Wukong, Yang Xiao Long, Tai Xiao Long, Ruby Rose, Pyrrha Nikos, and maybe Jaune Arc)

The most important/obvious character here is Oscar. Oscar’s first name is a shade of gold and a type of fish that is most often brown or gold. He’s facing a similar dilemma to Ruby: the threat of merging forever with Ozpin (which clearly won’t happen; he needs to be his own person, as Ruby said). 

Both Ruby’s and Oscar’s individualizations are somehow instrumental to defeating Salem. 

#rwby #rwby meta #rwby vol 8 #oscar pine #mercury black #emerald sustrai #rwby theory #alchemy #james ironwood #weiss schnee #penny polendina #qrow branwen #ruby rose #ozpin #rwby volume eight

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO “At All Costs.”

Sorry I didn’t get this one to you yesterday. it required me to read and listen to a bunch of Apollo 11 transcripts and watch more than a few videos to pretend to know what I was doing. So I hope you like it :)

“Did you know that if Apollo 11 Rocket were to explode, that explosion would have the force equal to a small nuclear weapon?”

Captain Richards turned his head inside the confined suit barely able to see the Admiral where he sat, “Serious?”

“Yeah serious.”

“No, I mean are you really talking about the Saturn V exploding  when we are, and I might add, in an exact replica of the Saturn V.”

The man shrugged, though it was a difficult gesture to make out in his massive space suit, “Just making small talk.”

Captain Chavez piped up from his other side, her voice strange and tiny over the absolutely ancient radio setup, “Let's hear it Admiral, give us more Apollo 11 facts.”

Richards groaned though it was all in good fun.

“Up to that point the Saturn V was the most powerful rocket ever created, of course compared to the most powerful space ship ever created, The Omen, it can barely rocket it’s way out of a paper bag, but at the time it was a masterwork of engineering. As tall as a skyscraper it requires 4,578,000 lbs of fuel and 7.5 million pounds of thrust.  It is  363 feet tall and weighs around 6.2 million pounds. Oh also the UN president will likely have two speeches already prepared, one if we survive and one if we die horrifically.”

“Why did you have to add the horrific part.” Richards wondered 

Chavez laughed from the other side of the rocket. 

He really was flying with two absolute psychos.

Chavez adjusted herself in her seat, “Hey, Admiral, is it true you survived the vacuum of space… what does that feel like?”

“Yep 12 seconds or less of pure unadulterated terror, and let me tell you it does not feel great. Ruptured blood vessels, severe dehydration etc etc.”

“Can we please talk about something else?”

The other two laughed at him.

***

“All ready for go, engineering?”

“Not yet, command, still working on it.”

“Just let us know when you are ready. Try to make it quick.”

Jade snorted, “I would rather have late astronauts than dead ones, mission control.” Her bluntness seemed to have shut them up for the moment, and she stepped up to examine the outside of the rocket once again. 

It was then that she heard footsteps approaching and turned to see the strange starborn returning with a large blue shape in tow. The Drev was a good two feet taller than she was with carapace the color of a bright blue sports car. It jogged up, large silver/white spear in one hand, “What Can I do.”

She held out the little sample of tape the starborn had taken from the ship, “We found this covering a loose bolt in one of the ship panels. It isn’t heat resistant so it would burn up on exit and cause the panel to tear lose.”

The Drev nodded before she could even finish, “Causing it to go into a spin.”

Jade paused then nodded, “yes.”

“So sabotage.”

“It seems so.”

The Drev didn’t look surprised and just simply nodded, “Do we call off the launch.”

“This is an easy fix, and would have been the easiest way to sabotage the rocket in the first place. Everything else is monitored too heavily and tested too heavily to allow for it, but I am going to need your eyes. I only noticed because of the reflective properties of the tape as compared to the paint. WIth your eyes I might be able to find anything else.”

The Drev nodded and stepped back slightly, her head tilted up as she looked at the rocket.  “Give me some time, and I am sure I can find them all. Just name the places where a panel tear will be the most catastrophic, and let me know as those will be the first places I should look.”

Jade nodded glancing back at the mission control building.

Her heart hammered inside her chest. She hadn’t intended for things to go this far, but they had. She was caught up in something she didn’t want to be caught up in.

The Drev handed a camera to the starborn, “Go, and make it quick.”

“Of course your royal highness.” He said, though he didn’t waste time as he grabbed the camera and floated back into the air.

****

“Chairwoman?”

She lifted her head turning to examine one of her assistants as they jogged over to stand next to her. She leaned her head down as he stood to whisper to her, using a dialect in their language which was difficult to read using translation equipment, “The launch has been delayed.”

She lifted her head slightly in mild surprise, “Delayed, why would it be delayed?”

He bowed his head, “It sounds like one of their engineers was slow in finishing up their final check.”  he leaned in a little closer, “However, I saw the Saint heading over there just a few minutes ago.”

The chairwoman felt her insides churn with worry and anticipation, “Do you think they found something.”

“They might have, I don’t know.”

“Should we send someone over….”

She shook her head, “I don’t want to play our hand yet. We still have options if things go wrong.”

He nodded his head again and stepped away as one of the humans walked closer, “My apologizes chairwoman, the launch has been delayed a few minutes, but everything should be on track soon.”

She nodded tightly though her insides chured.

“Carry on.” She said, dismissing the human and watching him go after a few moments. 

***

“What is taking so long.”

“Madam president, it looks like the engineers haven't finished their final checks yet.”

She tapped her nails against the lectern, “Is there any way to speed them up? They have been working on this for years now.”

\The service member looked a little taken aback stepping away slightly, “I…. well no ma’am if something were to happen during the launch because it was overlooked-”

She cut him off and waved him away as she looked over towards the distant rocket, white against the distant skyline.

Inside she was nervous. Something could go wrong at any minute, and more was likely to go wrong the longer they waited. She had to force herself to take a deep breath though. Things would be fine, they had backup plans in place in case something failed. Everything was going to work out. 

Still this was Admiral Vir they were talking about.

***

Eris pushed her way gently through the crowd listening to the voices that flooded in all around her. She didn’t usually like crowds, too many voices all at once, but today they hardly bothered her, and she sifted through them like a machine, coming through their thoughts, looking for anything suspicious, anything she could use, anything she could find. She had been ordered by Conn and Sunny to look for someone who knew something about the outside of the ship,  which had been tampered with, and so she did inching closer and closer through the halls and towards mission control. She wanted to know if any of them knew something.

No one looked twice at her as they rushed up and down the halls. But then again every time someone tried to notice her, she would turn their thoughts in a different direction. It was not a trick she used very often, but being half starborn and half human had melded and given her the odd ability to influence people’s thoughts as well. It allowed her to go places she wouldn’t have otherwise been allowed.

She pulled her hoodie closer to the sides of her head and paused outside the door allowing the voices and thoughts to well around her, searching for that one threat d that was out of place. She sensed excitement, nervousness, accomplishment. Every mind she sifted through there was nothing to indicate sabotage. These people were genuinely excited and scared about what they were doing. For many of them it was the most exciting day of their lives feeling much the same way that Adam did about what they were doing. She pulled back from the door frowning.

Well, if she couldn’t get the truth from them, she was going to have to get close to the one person she knew was involved.

The chairwoman would know if there were any other issues, as she was the one who had ordered the sabotage.

Eris turned on her feet and began to run.

“Countdown begins in ten minutes.” She heard over the intercom.

Shit, she hadn’t thought it was going to begin so soon.

Eris raced outside pausing on the edge of the balcony as she stared down at the crowd. With her bad knees, it was going to take her forever to get down those stairs….. Of course there was one option.

She grimaced at the thought, but then reminded herself that it was either that or a dead Adam.

Eris quickly pulled off her hoodie draping it over one arm and feeling the starborn ribbons uncoil and fall down around her back. A few of them were long enough to trail on the ground behind her. The open back of her shirt exposed the ribbons to the sun overhead warming her up and making her feel exhilarated.

She reached down to her belt to engage the gravity field before taking a long, deep breath. Ribbons billowed up around her from behind catching the light of the sun. She pulled herself up to sit on the edge of the balcony and then, with the gravity field engaged, she dropped. Her ribbons flared out from  behind her, and she was given a sudden strange sensation, and as she played with that sensation she felt herself coasting forward on some unknown power. She floated over the heads of those below, slowly coming down at an angle.

Fingers pointed up at her as she went and she did her best to ignore them as she came to a stop at the edge of the crowd. The people stared at her wide eyed as she gathered up her ribbons and quickly pulled her hoodie back on, ducking into the crowd and elbowing her way through up towards the stage where the chairwoman and the Un president sat.

She was so close.

She could sense.

Eris froze in horror.

***

“That’s it, that’s the last one.”

“Four, seems like a good number, and all on the same panel. If they had put them anywhere else it would have caused suspicion as to why the entire ship tore apart.”

Conn floated down from above and handed off a fistfull of silvered tape.

She reached up to her mic, “mission control you are going for launch, I repeat, you are go for launch.”

The Drev and the Starborn floated after her, joining her in the small jeep as they rolled away from the base of the rocket.

****

“Four minutes and counting we are go for Apollo 11 

“Apollo 11's launch operations manager wishes you good luck.”

“ Thank you, we’ll do their memory proud.” 

“That’s three minus and 25 seconds in counting. We are still going at this time.”

“T minus 1 minute and 54 ten seconds and counting oxidizer tanks on the second and third stages have pressurized.” 

“T minus one minute 35 seconds on the Second Apollo 11 mission flight to remember the first men who stepped foot on the moon.”

“T minus sixty second and counting.”

“Admiral Vir reports that the countdown is going smoothly.” 

“Power transfer is complete.” 

“All second stage tanks now pressurized.”

“T minus fifteen seconds and counting guidance is internal.”

“12 11 10 9 Ignition sequence starts 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 all engines running.”

A massive wave of fire rolled from the underside of the rocket spilling out onto the ground around it in smoke and flames as the scaffold holding the rocket in place detached against the roaring power of the rocket.

“Liftoff, we have liftoff, Tower clear.”

The rocket spears it’s way into the sky leaving smoke and fire behind it. For a moment it is obscured by smoke before cutting through and piercing the blue canopy of sky above. 

***

Adam rocked in his seat pressed backwards by what felt like hundreds of pounds of force against his chest. The rocket vibrated and rolled around him until it was almost impossible to see with his eyes being jarred inside his head. He was mostly defensive, it was, admittedly like nothing he had ever experienced. He was used to smooth transitions in darkfriars and spaceships, but this…., this was something altogether different. His heart hammered as they went higher and higher, the roaring from the fire licking the windows outside clear as they shook their way through the lower and then upper atmosphere. The communications clicked on and off as he kept in contact with ground control below when it was possible, his body rattling a little as he tried to remain steady.

The sky was darkening above him from eggshell blue to that familiar blue black.

“Apollo 11 this is Huston, you are going for staging.”

His hands felt like the bones were going to rattle out of his knuckles. He had never experienced a launch this intense before.

“ll, this is Houston. Roger. You're (0 from the ground at 7 minutes. Level sense arm at 8 plus 17; outboard cut-off at 9 plus Il.”

“Roger.”

They were getting higher.

“Staging, and ignition.”

“Apollo 11, this is Houston. Predicted cut-off at ll plus 42. Over.”

“Shutdown.”

***

The rocket lifted into the sky and she craned her head back to watch it go roaring  as it was carried upward on a pillar of flames. Her hand reached down stroking the red folder that lay just under her fingers.

“Tilt nominal.”

She held her breath tight, her chest pounding and watched as it went up and up and up.

No disturbances. Her hands gripped the side of the lectern turning her head to one of the agents who nervously glanced back. She nodded and he rushed away. Her hands were clammy.

“Come on, she muttered.”

***

Chairwoman of the GA kept her eyes locked on the flying deathtrap as it was hauled into the air, come on come on she thought to herself as it rose higher and higher. She turned her head to one of her men who nodded quickly and then rushed off. Smoke filled the valley below them.

***

They had dropped the first stage, and Richards hands were sweaty despite the water wicking gloves under his suit. He was communicating back and forth with mission control when he watched in horror as Admiral Vir cut off communications with ground control. They were in space now and earth was beginning to fold out before them on either side.

“What are you doing.” He hissed in near panic

The Admiral ignored him, keying the coms one more time.

“Red, this is Apollo 11.”

Richards sat in shock as an unknown voice responded over the line, “Is that you in that bucket of bolts cinderella?”

The man’s voice sounded like he was smiling, “yep it’s me, keep your men on standby red, we made it out of atmosphere, but I don’t trust them to let me make it out of orbit.”

“Copy that your highness.”

Richards glanced out the window, watching as a sleek racing jet pulled into formation just outside the window of their rocket. It was so close to them that he could see the silhouette of the driver in the cockpit beyond  reminding him that….. Despite the feeling of their rocket. They weren’t as alone as those astronauts had been originally. 

The admiral suddenly flipped the mike back

“Apollo 11 this is Huston, DO YOU COPY.”

“Huston this is Apollo 11, sorry comms went out for a second, got them fixed.”

“Roger, don’t scare us like that.”

***

The UN president turned her head down, caught suddenly by the feeling of being watched. Off to her side the Chairwoman was still staring into the sky, but slowly lowered her head as if she felt it too.

She looked down surprised to find a figure staring at them, instead of staring at the rocket. She was humanoid with porcelain white skin and large black eyes.

But the voice that filled the inside of her head was not her own.

“You….. It’s you.”

***

Ten remote operated Rundi drones detached from the space debris and rolled into place around the rocket.

The pilots, sitting safely inside their ships listened to instructions over the line as the chairwoman of the GA whispered.

“Keep Admiral Vir alive at all costs.” 

[makingspiritualityreal]

Hi, in vedic when people say association of either a planet of house with malefic planets, will the said planet or said house planets in Saturn nakshtara be considered a Malefic association. Because Saturn nakshtaras inspite of Saturn being a general malefic, nakshatras are generally auspicious nakshtaras. I know people who are of this opinion, what do you think? are Saturn nakshtaras to be avoided due to Saturn's general malefic nature or this malefic doesn't apply to nakshtaras.

Saturn ruled Nakshatras

Saturn ruled Nakshatras are some of the most auspicious ones in my opinion. Read up on my post on the Nakshatra elemental flow to find out more about their energetic role in the astrological cycle.

From personal experience, I have Mercury in Anuradha, and this Mercury is the dispositor of my Rahu, which makes it pretty significant in my chart. Saturn ruled Nakshatras are a deep well of profound, matured ideas. I can see it when it comes to my writing, how I am constantly inspired. New ideas emerge if only I reach for them, to the point that I can't keep up, because they all require work, effort, polishing. The execution of the ideas is the hard part, because my thought is faster than what I can physically type and materialise into concrete form, plus I also need time for other things in my life, like eating, sleeping, some leisure time for balance of mind, and I also take care of my old, sick relatives, which takes away from me energetically.

The key with Saturn ruled Nakshatras is structure and pacing. Because Saturn is all about initial difficulties and timing, early on in life you may not fully make the most out of this energy. However, that depends on which planets you have in these Nakshatras. For me it's a benefic Mercury, and Rahu is also our instinctive nature, plus it's swift, so I was always very book-smart and academically gifted since I was a child. Benefic planets can give you easiness in expressing the Saturn mastery. Still, even in my case it took me time to realise the full spectrum of my gifts, and it took effort to learn how to organise my notes, force myself to write down every single idea I have, even if it wakes me up in the dead of the night. Saturn simply never comes for free, even with benefic planets. Yet, they help you have that discipline naturally.

As an example of the opposite, my roommate has a stellium in Uttara Bhadrapada, but the stellium involves Saturn and Ketu. She struggles with this energy to the extreme, and when she really tries she can have a very mature, sharp energy...but it happens 1% of the time. The rest of the time she merely has an abstract ideal that she would like to attain while doing nothing, that has little reflection in reality. It takes her a lot of work to overcome laziness, as she tends to expect results to fall out of thin air without her putting in any effort. That is because Saturn and Ketu are a very difficult combo, and Ketu is gonna struggle with Saturn ruled Nakshatras. For a person like this, benefits may suddenly appear copiously after the Saturn return, if a lot of hard work is put in.

These Nakshatras age like wine. You can see it while observing the celebrity world, there is a pure, natural beauty to these people. For example, Jennifer Lopez has Sun in Pushya, and look at her career, how long it spans, and how she keeps looking great yet fresh with age. Even when young, she had a natural mastery of her energy while in the public eye. She came from humble origins, she had an accent while speaking English as a racial minority, and that is a very difficult thing to have in the USA, where you are severely judged for your background and ethnicity. Yet her charisma always spoke for itself. This is the natural finesse, that Saturn-ruled Nakshatras give at birth, even if it takes time to fully tap into their power.

#astrology asks #astrology #saturn #vedic astrology #vedic #jyotish #natal chart #birth chart #vedic chart

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hi! I sent a matchup request like 3 days ago so I'll send it again in case your computer didn't save it!

I'd like to request a 🍰 please.

I'm female and I use she/her pronouns. I'm mostly attracted to men but I'm fine with anyone. My personality type is INTJ-T and my sign is Leo.

As for appearance I'm 5'0 and pretty curvy in terms of chest and thighs. My hair is very curly and it's bleached right now. My skin tone is like tan and my eyes are dark brown.

I'm ambiverted but more of an introvert. I'm pretty responsible and mature and I'm often the mom friend or therapist friend in my friendships. But I'm also not afraid to call people out and can be a little blunt. I also have a hard time opening up to people and it usually takes quite awhile before I'm comfortable doing that because I tend to bottle things up. I also tend to get ignored a lot so if I was in a relationship having someone willing to listen would be important to me.

I enjoy drawing and writing and I sing sometimes but more as a hobby than anything serious. My favorite books are The Little Prince and Heartless.

I really like your blog! ❤️

🍰 for @ajistired077

Romantic Matchup

Daichi Sawamura

How yall met

Suga has introduced you to two!

You and Suga had always been super close friends since you both were very much so the mom friends

So one-day Suga wanted to introduce you to the team

You had walked in and Daichi's jaw almost dropped

Did a goddess just walk into the gym????

Omg you were beautiful

Apparently, he wasn't the only one who thought so…

You had Tanaka and Noya hanging off of you within seconds

Embarrassed he contained the two 2nd years and apologized to you

You had thanked him for helping you with a warm smile

Omg this man could not get any redder

And our boy Suga noticed

Now he had a new mission

Cupid Suga was gonna make you fall in love

It started off simple

He would invite you and Daichi to hang out with him

You would all hang out and have a blast

And when you and Daichi started to get comfortable with each other

He slowly started removing himself from this little equation

He would always have to take a rain check whenever you guys were supposed to hang out

Oh but don't worry about him!

In fact, why don't you two still go and hang out

Eventually, you and Daichi caught on to what Suga was doing

But neither of you could deny that you had fallen for the other

And oh boy yall had fallen HARD

Suga chalked it up as a win when you and Daichi walked into the gym hand in hand

What they love about you

He loves how mature you are

Daichi has always had trouble connecting with other teens

And it's because he's so mature!

And all of his past relationships usually failed because his partner refused to take the relationship seriously

But you were different

You were much more mature than the other kids at school

Like shit even Daichi had to remind you to be a kid for once

But still

He's really glad he's found someone who on his level when it comes to that

He loves how blunt you can be

You very rarely sugar coat things

And often just call it out as it is

He loves this because bluntness to him equals the truth

So to him, you just always speaks the truth

And honesty is something very important to Daichi

So he's very grateful for the bluntness

Favorite things to do together

He likes to just sit and read with you

He really just likes spending time with you

Nd he really likes to red good book

So put two and two together

BAM you got daichis favorite thing in the whole world

If you let him hell want to cuddle while you both read something

He loves to have DEEP conversations

As stated before you both are very mature

Which leads to very mature conversations

But daichi lives for these moments

Because he gets to see a whole new perspective on something that he never would've thought about before

Random Hc

You said you wanted someone who could be patient when it comes to you opening up?

Well then daichis your guy!

He understands how it's not always easy to open up to someone

So he always takes it with a grain of salt

He knows you would never hide anything from him

So why should he worry

Oh and you said you wanted someone who would listen to you?

Daichis got ya covered!

When you start opening up to him more

This man is all ears

He never wants you to feel like he's ignoring you

So he always makes sure to stay engaged during all of your conversations

He keeps all of the drawings you give him

He likes to show off your writing to anyone who asks about you

He keeps a Polaroid pic of you in his wallet

Astrology

Leo + Capricorn

If they meet in the right moment, Leo and Capricorn might get along very well.

The main problem in their relationship is the set of priorities they might not share, and the passion or determination that both of them have.

It is not an easy job, reconciling Saturn with the Sun, but it brings great benefits when it is done.

The structure Leo could get and the creativity they might build on together could lift them to exactly what they desired, however their relationship might end.

They differ as much as the Earth and the Fire, but when they share a common goal, they are unstoppable.

Overall Aesthetic

Old souls

Songs-

Fly me to the moon

Loves gonna get you killed

I just wanna be the one you love

Can't help falling in love

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu fandom #haikyu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu matchups #haikyuu crack #daichi headcanon #daichi hcs #daichi sawamura #daichi x you #daichi x y/n #daichi x reader

[beholdme]

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 15

Chapters: 15/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14]

Almost a year into their relationship, Martin's lease comes up.

There's brief romantic talk of them all moving in together, but they're all attached to their own spaces, especially with Gerry needing to keep his art studio, and it trails off without any real resolution.

When Martin's landlord doesn't want to renew and he essentially has no choice but to find a new place to live, he panics.

Jon is with him when he opens the letter, and witnesses the heartbreak on his face, a look far more appropriate to the death of a loved one than to having to move house.

He understands though. This is Martin's first home. The first rent he paid, the first freedom he claimed. The first place he had whispered 'I love you' to Jon, and the first place Gerry had pressed his lips to Martin's.

Jon is settled in his own flat in a more practical way. It's close to the library, Gerry's bar and also to Martin's bookstore, but he still understands Martin's heartache, even if it is detached from his scope of personal attachment.

As Jon takes the time to think things through, he knows they're being silly. When was the last time he had commuted to work from his own flat? And if Martin had to move anyway, why shouldn't the three of them be living together? Gerry would happily spend every spare second with them and frequently tells them so.

At their knock, Gerry opens the door in a pair of leather pants and not much else, hair faded out from navy to a soft violet.

He physically reacts to see Martin tear-stained and Jon frowning intensely at his side.

"Why tears? Who do I need to murder?" Gerry mutters darkly as he draws Martin inside and into his arms.

"He has to move out of his flat," Jon tells him angrily, still standing in the doorway.

"Oh, love." He whispers, rocking Martin gently.

"It's so stupid to cry about it. It's just a shitty little flat." He hiccups into Gerry's chest.

"Fuck that. We all know better than that. That flat was important to you," Gerry retreats further into the studio, dragging his weepy partner with him and leaving Jon to shut the door. "And you're important to us, so here's the plan. Gertrude and I are gonna dig up some dirt, we're gonna have a little chat with your landlord, and he's gonna agree to sell you your flat. Problem solved."

Martin laughs wetly as he is deposited in the cushion pile and Gerry follows him down to sit in front of him and take his hands.

Jon strips his jacket and scarf off and tosses them on the couch (the biggest indication of his upset, really, as he normally always meticulously hangs things up), before flopping down on the floor with them. Martin and Gerry offer a hand each, and they sit in a triangle, connected.

"Gerry, you can't blackmail my landlord into selling me my flat." Martin starts, voice still choked with tears, "Not least of all because I can't afford to buy it anyway. I already have a business loan, not to mention all the debt from before my mother died."

Apparently able to sense any great excess of emotion, Luna and Saturn wander in and both attempt to curl up in Martin's lap. Jon takes Saturn, leaving Luna to her tearful human. Martin smiles gratefully and disentangles his hands to pet behind her ears.

There's silence for a moment as they consider Martin's words. Gerry opens his mouth, closes it, then decides to say what he wants to anyway. "I could lend you the money. Or give it to you. Whichever you prefer."

The look on his face could be accurately described as casually angelic, and he reaches out a hand to stroke Saturn benevolently.

Martin and Jon stare at him, stunned.

"What do you mean?" Jon eventually prods him, incredulously.

Gerry opens his mouth to respond, but Jon senses the sass coming and adds, "A real answer please," rather firmly.

"Fine then," Gerry mutters, rolling his pretty teal eyes. "I have some money in savings. And in investments and stuff, I'm not actually irresponsible, despite what my appearance might imply. And the years I spent galivanting about the county. And Europe." He shrugs, rambling on, "Okay, maybe I am irresponsible."

His partners stare at him for a moment, then exchange a look.

“Define some money?” Jon says, poking him in the ribs. Gerry tells them.

“What!?” At Jon’s exclamation, Gerry blushes from the roots of his hair, and all the way down his bare chest.

"Where did you get it?" Martin finally asks.

"From selling my paintings?" Gerry responds, but it comes out as a question, and he rubs his burning neck in embarrassment.

"And," Jon says, voice carefully neutral; having regained some sense of composure, "why do you keep your job at the bar if you have enough money to casually offer to buy Martin a flat?"

"Don't feel left out Jon, I'll buy your flat too." Gerry offers, smiling at him beatifically.

"Gerry…" Martin lets out his name in the significant tone of voice that lets him know this is a 'serious conversation'™ and to get his shit together.

"Okay, okay," Gerry flaps his hands uncomfortably. "At first it was just because I was convinced that the painting money was gonna dry up and I didn't want to be left in the lurch. I've always operated anonymously and that made it hard to make money as an artist, it was only when Gertrude joined the crusade that I found any success. She insisted that people would buy prints online, and she was right. The digital art and prints were really popular, and it led to people wanting the originals." Gerry pauses and shakes his head in disbelief. "And Gertrude always has to be extra about everything, so she sold them at fucking auction instead of pricing them, which made me seem edgy and exclusive."

"You are edgy and exclusive," Jon interrupts to insist, a slight petulant edge staining his voice.

"Thanks," Gerry mutters, still blushing. "Anyway, so then I had all this money, but I was convinced it wouldn't last and now it's been years and it's only gotten worse and I was panicking so Gertrude took half the money and helped me put it into investments, which have mostly been pretty successful too, so now I have all this fucking money that I don't know what to do with, so Martin, would you like a flat?" Gerry ends his monologue slightly hysterical and Martin laughs out loud at the slight desperation in his voice.

"Do you even own this flat? I've been wondering how you could possibly afford it." Martin asks him, gesturing around at the massive space in one of the most up-and-coming parts of London.

"Yes, it's one of the only significant things I've ever actually paid for with the art money. You know, to do art in."

"And were you ever planning to mention this?" Jon queries, sounding slightly put out. He frowns down at the cat, instead of his ridiculous boyfriend. Saturn decides at that moment that he's had enough belly-rubs, and without warning, sinks his claws in, bites Jon's hand and then scurries off. Jon glares at his fluffy black tail as it disappears up the stairs and Gerry tries very hard not to laugh at him.

"Jonathan!" Martin scolds him, pushing his shoulder gently to regain his attention. "Gerry doesn't have to tell us about his finances."

Jon pouts even harder.

"Jon's right, I should have said something. I just didn't want it to be a big deal." Gerry responds, voice quiet and unusually reserved. He looks a little adrift and helpless, and they can see just how uncomfortable the money talk has made him.

Jon sighs and dislodges the stick from up his ass. "It's not a big deal, love, I'm only surprised. I'm glad it's out the way now." He collects Gerry's hand and presses a kiss to his knuckles.

Gerry relaxes and tugs Jon closer to kiss him, before offering the same to Martin.

They all sit in comfortable silence for a few moments, digesting the day's many revelations.

“Not that I’m not incandescently happy to see you both, but why did you actually come over?” Gerry asks eventually.

“Oh,” Martin sits up straighter, remembering their original objective. He looks down at the cat in his lap, stroking its back in an effort to distract himself. “It’s a little awkward actually.”

Gerry raises his eyebrows, thinking of what could make Martin feel awkward after all the things they’ve done together, occasionally right where they are currently sitting.

"Do tell." Gerry urges him. Martin and Jon share a look. Gerry rolls his eyes at the pair of them. "Come on, guys, whatever it is, just tell me. It can't possibly be that bad. Unless you're breaking up with me? Because fuck that."

"No, Gerry," Jon says, sounding amused. "The opposite."

"The opposite?" Gerry asks, frowning.

"Yes, the opposite," Jon tells him more firmly. "We were thinking," Martin makes a small nose at this, "that is, I was thinking, that since Martin has to move anyway, the three of us should finally take the plunge."

"You know," Gerry mutters peevishly, "I love riddles as much as the next overdramatic goth with a young adult book obsession, but could you please spit it the fuck out."

"Jonthinksweshouldallmoveintogetherhere." Martin finally rushes out, breathlessly.

"Martin, baby, those are separate words."

He takes a deep breath and tries again. "Jon thinks we should all move in together, here, with you."

Gerry sits up taller abruptly, a wide grin spreading over his handsome face. "What, really? You actually want to."

"Well, yes," Jon says, although his voice still sounds nervous.

"Okay great. Luna and Saturn are gonna love this." Gerry jumps up excitedly. "So I know you guys like having your own personal space, and I always have my art shit everywhere, but I've been thinking and I think we can make you both comfortable here too."

Martin and Jon share a perplexed look at Gerry's sudden frenetic burst of energy.

"We'll be comfortable here no matter what," Martin rushes to reassure him.

"Hush," Gerry speaks over him. "We both know you're just saying that because you feel like an inconvenience. But you're not and we all have to make this our home. Come, come on, I want to show you."

Gerry grabs a hand from each of them and drags them behind him and around and under the wide stairs that lead up to the loft space.

He leads them to two doors under the stairs, leading them into one. It's a large storeroom, technically, and Gerry has filled it with extra paint, canvases of many different sizes, and a plethora of other painting supplies. There aren't any windows, and the industrial light makes the space look stark. The scent of oil paint and turpentine is pervasive, but homey since those are things they associate heavily with Gerry himself.

"They're both the same. I've been thinking that if you two ever did want to move in here, you could take one each. A creative space just for yourselves, or your own bedrooms if you need some space once in a while. If you want them." His typical self-confidence is slightly lacking, the nervous twist of his fingers belaying his nerves at the admission.

"Oh Gerry," Martin says with something akin to wonder in his voice.

"But aren't you using them?" Jon asks, never one to let romanticism come in the way of practicality.

Gerry shrugs, "I've been thinking of having cupboards installed in the studio space and moving all this in there anyway. It will be more convenient for me when I'm working and it will be worth it to have you here all the time."

Gerry pauses, brow furrowing. "I've also considered moving the art studio in here so you two don't have to trip over my art stuff all the time."

Martin and Jon both understand the significance of that offer, knowing that Gerry's favourite things about this place are the high ceilings, giant windows, and natural lighting at most times of the day and even at night.

"You would be willing to give up your art space for us?" Martin asks in some wonder.

"Well yeah, of course," Gerry says as if it's obvious. "We'll all have to share the bedroom then, but the living space will be bigger. Whatever you would prefer."

"Just like that?" Jon's blunt incredulity finally tips Gerry off to their shock.

"Oh come on. I obviously haven't been a very good boyfriend if you two don't already know that you're more important to me than painting." It was the most romantic thing Gerry could say to anyone, really.

Martin kisses him, tearing up again.

"What did I say? Don't cry, love." He reaches up to wipe the tears away, and Martin offers him a wobbly smile.

Jon goes over to kiss him too. "You love us more than art."

"We're going in circles here. Yes, I love you both more than literally anything." Gerry is starting to wonder if they're being obtuse on purpose.

"We love you too," Jon tells him emphatically.

"Of course you do. I'm delightful." They all dissolve into laughter at that, the weighty mood breaking with it.

"So do you think you'll both be happy here?" Gerry asks when the laughter has faded.

Even standing in the mildly dusty storeroom and breathing in paint fumes, Jon knows the answer already. "I think we might be able to make it work."

#the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #gerry keay #jongerrymartin #fic #also on ao3

[sapphicsongbirdblues]

Calanthe and Eist’s Birth Charts

okay so because I’m a fucking nerd I decided to spend upwards of 6 hours a couple of weeks ago making birth charts for Calanthe and Eist, and I figured that I’d share them here since I put so much fucking work into them. 

Good to note that all of these traits are heavily influenced by @marvellouslymadmim ‘s incredible fics....

I’ve also taken the liberty to give them birthdays bahaha, and I didn’t do houses because that would have taken me an extra 10 hours so this is just the planets. It’s long so read below cut :)

Calanthe, December 23, 1218 (Sun- Mars + Rising placements)

Sun in Capricorn: center of self, other traits mix with this

Meticulous, dead-pan, practical, they get shit DONE son, very self-assured, sarcastic, need structure or they will literally fall apart (and they often do.. Although secretly), resourceful, intelligent, blunt… need I say more

Moon in Aquarius: rules emotions, moods, feelings

Observant, oftentimes considered “loners,” powerful defense mechanisms, willful, wil deny “irrational” emotions (jealousy, possessiveness, fear) in order to seem “above” others, independent, thrive off of “shock-value,” proud, don’t like “messy” emotions, can seem incredibly distant to the people closest to them, hide sensitivities very well, unpredictable, stubborn, and incredibly seductive and charming

Ascendent in Leo: the “mask” you wear, public persona

GREAT hair, cares about appearance (not necessarily out of vanity but out of an understanding that appearance can be a weapon), aware of how they are perceived, very tender and gentle with loved ones, say exactly what they think, enjoy being the center of attention… but ONLY when they choose to be

Mercury in Scorpio: planet of communication

meticulous→ gets to the bottom of EVERYTHING, great observers, suspicious, tend to focus on the negative, passionate, prone to lecturing rather than listening, however they are excellent at giving advice, better communicators when it comes to subjects that are not close to home→ have a hard time communicating needs/feelings, excellent strategizers, constructive criticism = destructive criticism (they will rip you to shreds), want to WIN conversations (and often do), defensive of people they care about, love a challenge

Venus in Pisces: planet of love and relationships

In love they are dreamy and soft, can be a little moody and irregular, hard to read, like to “feel things out” (HATE decision making), can take YEARS to commit to something/someone, want partners to know that their love is unconditional, like to save people, tender and affectionate, oftentimes hard to reach, flippant, absolutely devoted (eventually)

Mars in Scorpio: planet of sex and aggression

Lovesssss a challenge→ like to set personal goals to see if they can meet them/ bend the rules, formidable opponents, hard to read, high sexual stamina, generally get what they want in bed (ahem), possessive of partners (but will never admit it), can have a hard time compromising, great survival instincts, very protective people, show love through physical touch and sex, extrememly passionate individuals

Eist, June 26, 1219 (Sun-Mars + Rising)

Sun in Cancer: center of self

Protective, caring, nurturing, moody, led by emotions, good at hiding vulnerability but are VERY VULNERABLE, soft, self-sacrificing

Moon in Taurus: rules emotions, moods, feelings

Cherish familiarity, strong-willed, sensory, materialistic, persevering (sometimes to a fault), crave stability and often ARE that stability for others, very romantic, affectionate, sentimental, warm, enduring, hold on tight to their loved ones, loyal, serene, stubborn af, crave routine, need clear lines and boundaries

Ascendant in Pisces: “mask,” public persona, physical appearance 

Very very dreamy (and often have dreamy eyes), idealistic, go with the flow, gentle, peacemakers and peace lovers, chameleon- like persona (often can change easily to blend in with their environments socially and emotionally), can be shy or quiet but that’s because they are taking time to observe everything around them, however they loveeee to talk when the time is right, restless and searching, “feel their way through life,” rely heavily on emotions, irresistible charm, soft aura, very likeable

Mercury in Cancer: planet of communication

Communicate through feelings, sensitive, deep thinkers, can take time to respond to situations, excellent listeners, meditative and reflective, incredible memories (especially good at remembering emotional context), has a hard time letting emotions go, gentle, intuitive, sentimental, protective, soothing, nurturing, can get “lost” in another person’s way of thinking/feeling, very good with words (especially along the lines of letter writing and poetry)

Venus in Cancer: planet of love and relationships

Need commitment and predictability, sensitive, need security and care, pay more attention to their partner’s feelings than their words, excellent listeners, can be incredibly moody (especially if they don’t have an outlet for their stronger emotions), hate indifference (like indifference could literally kill them… so don’t do that), not afraid of confronting emotions, a bit anxious in love→ need reassurance, can be possessive, sentimental, tender, attached, cuddly, soft

Mars in Taurus: planet of sex and aggression

Calm and easy going, can have powerful tempers when pushed over the edge (but it doesn’t happen often), value strength and stability, need security, will spend years trying to achieve a goal, will not change their mind (like ever… well almost), immovable, extremely sensory when it comes to sex, long lasting and steady sexual stamina, not necessarily spontaneous but they stick to what they’re good at, very emotionally connected to sex (it’s never just physical)

Shared Placements (Jupiter-Pluto)

Jupiter in Scorpio: Jupiter represents the traits that bring us fortune

Incredibly emotional (but secretive about it), decisive, intense, have great will power, intuitive, creative, in control

Cal and Eist are both emotionally intelligent. They are seekers of truths and are determined in their efforts. Both like to be in control, both are led by emotions and passions rather than logic. When fully tapped into their emotions, they are unstoppable. When cultivated correctly, emotions become their most powerful tools and weapons. 

Saturn in Pisces: reveals limitations of the self

Saturn in Pisces people are incredibly helpful and are excellent caregivers; however they are not so good at directing that care towards themselves. In fact, they often shut down when someone directs pity (or what these Piscean placements deem as pity) at them. They like to be in control, so when they aren’t they become paranoid and anxious. Saturn in Pisces individuals have to work extra hard to take care of themselves-- this is one of their greatest faults.

Cal and Eist are both care-givers; they fiercely protect the people they love most. However, they have a hard time taking care of themselves, and letting others take care of them. They believe that they have the ability to protect themselves if they hold onto that self-control, but they often do not have self control as they are led primarily by emotion. Each of them needs coaxing from their loved ones to truly take care of themselves. They rely heavily on their close circles. 

Uranus in Gemini: rules friends, relationships, community, transformation, change, ideas

Uranus in Gemini people are super energetic and are incredible innovators. They are quick witted and quick tempered, often moving between emotions and ideas in moments. They are great transformers of thought, and often break traditions and taboos (rather gleefully). They hate authority, and will question it relentlessly.

Cal and Eist are both witty and intelligent people. They’re excellent strategists and politicians. Although they both perform their roles as diplomats and political leaders, they often go out of their way to subvert norms and question authority. They create new rules, they bend tradition. They hide in plain sight. 

Neptune in Virgo: to refine, planet of inspiration

Neptune in Virgo people are idealistic and detail oriented. They love to serve others, especially those in need. They value work and health and safety. They are versatile and adaptable. They are motivated by a sense of duty and helpfulness. 

Cal and Eist are excellent leaders and they truly value their positions as respective rulers of their nations. They are compassionate, though stern, and are ready to make hard decisions when it comes to issues of diplomacy. They are also quite stubborn, and oftentimes their opinions are conflated with fact. It’s important to note that the two generations following are Neptune in Libra (full of individuals who value harmony and diplomacy and justice-- ahem Pavetta), and Neptune in Scorpio (full of individuals who are secretive, profound, and enjoy solitude; people who also enjoy the search for truth and justice-- ahem Cirilla).

Pluto in Taurus: symbolizes rebirth, change, secrets

Pluto in Taurus individuals are incredibly stubborn and persistent. They value materials and will never be satisfied with the amount of resources they have. They hate change and love their way. 

Cal and Eist (and Mousesack and other characters around their age group) were born and grew up in a generation which sought, conquered, and maintained resources effectively. Cal, especially, used her strengths and her resourcefulness to protect and improve her kingdom; and for a majority of her rule maintained diplomacy without surrendering any of her power. However, the generation following Taurus is Gemini. This generation (including Cahir and Pavetta and potentially Ciri) are inquisitive and thirsty for ideas and knowledge. They are the breakers of tradition. Where Cal and Eist’s generation built and maintained some version of stability, Pavatta and Cahir’s generation destroy borders and bring about great change and innovation. 

#calanthe of cintra #eist tuirseach #calanthe fiona riannon #calanthe x eist #the witcher #birth charts #planet placements #this is peak nerd shit and my hyperfixations are showing for sure #enjoy #marvellouslymadmim

[auroras-blend]

Road Trip

Bonus Chapter from Leo's POV where he takes Vittoria on a 10-hour car ride to Rome for a vacation. Basically, he's stuck in a car with an eight-year-old for 10+ hours.

Leonardo Borghese was a patient man and prided himself on his ability to stay calm in tense situations. He wore a mask that most artists could only dream of modeling, but his facade was quickly crumbling in the second hour of the ten-hour car ride. “Are we there yet?” asked Vittoria for the sixth time in the last hour.

“No, not yet principessa. Not for a while,” he groaned, looking at the car’s clock, “Eight more hours.”

He had promised to take her to Rome, his birthplace, months ago and now he, unfortunately, had to make good on that promise. Vittoria had seemed tired when she entered the car at four in the morning (she hadn't even had a panic attack), which is why he had forgone giving her Nyquil, but apparently, she had a burst of energy ten minutes into their ride. Apparently, the panic attack had been delayed and she spent the first hour crying and praying, before finally settling down into a conversation. Every single car ride. Whoever killed Giuseppe and traumatized his daughter would pay dearly, especially considering getting her to church was always a two-hour-long affair if he added in the time for trying to get her into the car.

The past two hours had been hell for him and he had eight more to go. Eight was optimistic given his daughter’s small bladder.

Leonardo Borghese didn’t like being in a small shared space with a prattling person. His cellmate hadn’t been as aggravating as Franco, and dear God he’d say it, Franco wasn't as aggravating as Vittoria was right now. “Why don’t you try and go to sleep?”

“I’m not tired!” she said brightly, before rapidly firing a line of questions at him, “How far is Rome? Do we still get to see gladiators fight? What about the lions? Will they have lions?”

“Far enough,” he breathed, “No, we won’t see gladiators fight and there are no lions.”

“They should have lions,” she quipped, “Did you know they had women, gladiators? I don’t think I’d like to be a gladiator, because I don’t like blood. Minerva was a war goddess and she was smart. I read about her in my book, but she’s not my favorite. Do you know who my favorite is Papa?”

Oh, God. “Who is it Vittoria?” he asked, trying to keep a smile in his voice.

“Venus and Diana. I like Venus cause she's the goddess of love and beauty. I play Venus a lot because I’m pretty. Did you know the planet’s named after her?” she asked, not giving him a chance to reply, “And then there’s Diana because she’s the goddess of the moon. She doesn’t date icky boys and turns them into deers! I’d like to do that!”

How am I going to do this for another nine hours? “Who’s your favorite Roman god, Papa? I bet I can guess! Is it Jupiter? Because he’s the king! Did you know a planet is named after him too? It's the biggest one! You're really big, Papa! Did you know I know all the names of the planets now because I remember the Roman gods and goddesses? Sg.na Sagesse taught me a song. I’ll show you!”

This is hell. Vittoria began singing along to the tune, Michael Finnegan: “There are nine planets around the sun, let me name them one by one…”

Can I mute her? “There’s Mercury, Venus, Earth, and Mars, they have super pretty stars!”

Leonardo was gritting his teeth and focusing on the road. She’ll fall asleep eventually. “Then there’s Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune but wait one moment we’re not done with this tune!”

Why can’t we be done? “Stop right there, please don’t go, make some room for Pluto! There are nine planets around the sun, now you can name them one by one!”

Leonardo gave a fake gasp. “That’s incredible principessa! You’re such a smart girl,” he praised as he watched a proud blush rise to her cheeks.

“Really?”

“Of course! I could never memorize that song like you can,” he said, unknowingly damning himself.

Vittoria gasped. “Oh Papa, don’t say that! You can! I can teach you!”

Shit. “Oh, it’s okay principessa,” he tried to quickly say before she began singing the song again.

***

He considered himself a saint for not snapping at her. Vittoria had sung the planet song close to thirty times before he finally got the hang of it, or at least until she passed out. He knew the song now. There are nine planets around the sun, let me name them one by one… Those damn lyrics were stuck in his head and he couldn't even drown it out with the radio unless he wanted to risk waking Vittoria. Leonardo looked at the clock...seven hours to go...make some room for Pluto...Leonardo sighed at the long road ahead.

***

They had made six pit stops in the last two hours because Vittoria had the smallest bladder. At the sixth stop, they decided to get lunch where he ordered a light meal but allowed her to order a pizza with a glass of milk, even though she begged for a soda. There was no way he’d make that mistake. Vittoria was incredibly chatty with the waitresses, telling them that they were going to Rome and everything they’d see. She could give Franco a run for his money.

“But all the Roman gods are there! Did you know that, Papa? I want to go to the Pantseon first. That’s my very favorite place!” she squealed.

As exhausted and annoyed as he was, he did smile at her excitement. He had been worried that his eight-year-old would be bored out of her mind and would throw an embarrassing tantrum at the museum, but she wasn’t. She’s an academic, just like her father. “Pantheon,” he corrected.

“Oh right! Anyway…” she continued.

Leonardo let himself enjoy the moment and memories he was making with his daughter. He knew she probably didn’t get to go on any road trips when she lived with her mother, and seeing her excited about her first-ever vacation was endearing. Especially when he was the one giving her her first-ever vacation because he had missed so many firsts. She stole those precious moments from me, he thought hatefully. But he had the rest of their lives to be the only one who gave her those special memories.

He had wanted this, a perfect daughter to spoil and who would worship the ground he walked on, but when he had wished for it he hadn’t imagined that he’d be raising her alone. A proper family vacation would have been with a wife and a car full of children, though now that he was in a car with just one child for the past several hours, he was content to keep the number down for the time being. It was a lot of work just caring for her by himself, not that he was incapable, mind you, but he took great joy in being called a “selfless single father” by those around him. Leonardo knew full well that if he were a woman, the words used to describe him would be derogatory.

He could tell the stigma that Vittoria carried around with her when she was raised in the States haunted her. The names she had been called, people refusing to play with her...he truly was, in his mind, the best thing to ever happen to her. He told himself he was acting in her best interest when he took her to Italy to live with him, after all, it's my right, and that he gave her everything she ever wanted and needed. She seemed far better off now than she did then, well with a sprinkle of a few traumatic events, but details, details.

“Are you happy, then?” he asked.

She nodded as her cheeks puffed out with a large bite of pizza. “Slow down,” he said when he saw her trying to swallow quickly so she could speak again.

He didn’t want her to choke. “But then we have to go to our garden and art museum!”

Vittoria was convinced that Villa Borghese and the Borghese Gallery and Museum were their family’s museum and that it only made sense because they were both artists. He let her entertain that notion. Leonardo, contrary to his nature, let his daughter lead the conversation, mainly because he didn't have the energy to contribute. Another three to four hours seemed impossible, but there was still enough daylight for them to use, and they had to check-in at five o’clock. “I can’t wait to be in Rome! We have to take super lots of pictures!” she grinned.

“We’ll take plenty of pictures,” he smiled back.

“You were born there, right Papa?”

“Yes, I was born in Rome,” he smiled.

“I wish I was born in Rome. I was born in stupid Idaho,” she frowned, “That’s a state.”

Idaho, in his opinion, was an ordinary state with unremarkable people. Not fit for Vittoria. When he had visited Rome a while ago, he had changed her birthplace to Rome to better suit her. She wasn’t an ordinary child. “Did you not like Idaho?” he asked, already knowing her answer.

“No. It was boring and the people were mean. I had to do a report on it and people like us because we grow potatoes, but that’s it,” her frown was set for a moment before she broke out into a smile, “My report was the bestest! I always make my first letters capitals and add periods. I’m the only second-grader who remembers!”

“Of course you are. I bet you were the best writer in your class,” he praised.

He had seen her writing samples, and even when she wrote an argumentative piece about throwing Charles to the tigers, her work was still fairly impressive. Writing seemed to be one of her strengths, which was reassuring given that math and reading were not. “I was! I always got gold stars! Mr. Morgan never gave them to Rodney, because he’s a bad writer!” she said the last part with a smug look on her face that she inherited from her father.

Leonardo had begun to notice the striking similarities they shared in their mannerisms and expressions. The way she slipped on her “happy mask” as she called it and the way she forced her eyes to soften when she wanted sympathy over a pointless tantrum. Vittoria was learning to play the game he had set, practiced, and perfected. She’ll never win, but it’s sweet to see her try.

He indulged her with ice cream before they headed back out into the car and onto the road for another few hours of hell. And it was hell. He had created a car ride bag for her, which he praised himself for making, that he had filled with crayons, paper, coloring books, storybooks, a blanket, and snacks that wouldn’t leave crumbs. He swore by it, finding solutions for the “I’m hungry” and “I’m bored” complaints that he insisted other parents adopt as if they hadn’t already thought of that before, because even though he called it a “car ride bag”, it was most certainly a “dad bag” that was a staple of fatherhood.

Leonardo thought it was one of the greatest things he had ever thought of, but he quickly regretted it when Vittoria pulled something out that he hadn’t even known she’d snuck in. She always claimed it helped her calm down. His shoulders tensed when he heard the tune of the London Bridge begin to play. “Is that your music box?” he asked, not bothering to turn around.

“Mm-hm,” she hummed before she began to sing quietly under her breath.

I’m going to kill Signora Bianchi. He looked at her through the rear-view mirror and saw her begin to color in her coloring book of a Greek garden, a pleasant smile on her face as she whispered the lyrics. It was only a few ear grating moments before the tune ended and even fewer moments in between her cranking it up again. Why am I being punished? “Principessa, I’m going to turn on the radio,” he said, reaching for the knob.

“You can’t!”

“Why not?” he sighed with irritation.

“This is my artist music!”

Of course, it is, he thought dryly. “Vittoria-,”

“I promise only for this page!” she swore, “Cross my heart!”

It was his fault. He refused to admit it, but it was his fault for believing her words and letting her play the song. Vittoria was a child who took her sweet old time with her art, so it was hours (twenty minutes) until she was finished with her masterpiece. “And done!”

“Thank Christ,” he muttered under his breath, “I’m turning on the radio now, okay?”

Anything to drown out that godforsaken tune in my head. And for a while, he was blessed with just the music as Vittoria fell into a post-lunch nap. Thank you, God. It seemed the Lord was shining on him because they were less than five minutes out without any problems. We’ll make it there and- “Papa, I feel sick,” Vittoria croaked.

No. His eyes met the small figure behind the rear-view mirror. She was hunched over, clutching her belly, and her face had gone ashy. He had to stop himself from insensitively saying, don’t throw up in the car! The hotel was right in front of them, all we have to do is make it. “Just hold on, a few moments and-,” as he made a sharp turn into the parking lot, the jolt caused her to unleash whatever was in her stomach.

The sound of her hurling was as sickening as the smell of pizza, milk, and ice cream that had been poorly dissolved by her stomach acid which also made an appearance. The sight of it nearly made him throw up, but he was better than that. He had finished parking by the time she had finished expelling her lunch from her stomach. Leonardo gave a shaky sigh as he heard Vittoria start to cry, apologizing furiously. He got out of the car and stretched his legs outside as he hurried over to her door, not taking a moment to breathe in the fresh air. “I’m-I’m sorry, Papa!”

He quickly unbuckled her from her seat belt and pulled her out of the car and settled her on his hip. He wasn’t his father, he wasn’t cruel enough to think that she could’ve controlled it, and he certainly wouldn’t punish her by making her eat it. His chest tightened just a fraction of a second remembering what he was put through, before focusing on the moment he was in. She’s just my fragile little girl. She can't help it. He knew that now, of all times, was an important reminder for her to know that he was the better parent. The one who is her favorite and who loves her most. “I know, I know you didn’t mean it,” he whispered as he felt her head.

A little warm, but she probably just got car sick. He forced his eyes to assess the damage, which was very little considering she aimed incredibly well into the bag. “Oh thank God,” he sighed before frowning.

Of course, that music box is left untouched. Of course, it is! With the exception of a few specks on the leather that could easily be wiped off and the smell that could easily be remedied by airing the car out, there was no damage whatsoever. He had been terrified that she had thrown up on the carpet that he just had cleaned. The mess was quickly taken care of and the bag was thrown out because they could just buy newer and better items later. The check-in process was swift and he wasted no time getting her into the hotel room and washing her off before putting her back in bed. Vittoria was moaning and groaning against the pillows as if she were a Victorian woman on her deathbed. He didn't know whether to roll his eyes or smile. She’s incredibly dramatic. “Thank you,” she said softly, her eyes vulnerable and wide, “For taking care of me.”

“It’s what fathers do,” he said, having her sip a cool glass of water to soothe her burning throat.

“I had fun,” she smiled.

He climbed into the bed next to her and let her lean against him, “You did?”

He had received absolutely no enjoyment in that car ride whatsoever and thought for all intents and purposes that it was a failure. “Uh-huh, except throwing up. I didn't like that,” she gave a weak laugh, “But I had fun with you.”

It occurred to him that he hadn’t snapped at her when he was annoyed, let her talk about things she was interested in, and do things that she enjoyed. Her mother was an irritable and unstable woman who probably would have already yelled at her ten minutes (he was being gracious with that number) into the drive, before breaking down herself. Who would’ve been furious at Vittoria for throwing up in the car and who would cause her to break down into uncontrollable sobs. Leonardo felt overwhelmingly smug that she had a great time with him and that he was the one who made her smile. “I had fun with you too,” he grinned.

Vittoria snuggled against him before falling fast asleep. She’s such a good sleeper. Vittoria’s breathing became soft and suddenly his breaths started to match hers, as his exhaustion caught up to him and lured him into a deep slumber. He had suffered, but she had smiled. And he had made her smile, and in his mind, that was all that mattered.

#leo being a schmuck #no new chapter for a while so here's a bonus? #i try to post on fridays #leonardo borghese #travel #bonus chapter #marilyn winslow #vittoria borghese #she's being cute #i made the planet song especially for this because we're learning about planets in class #PLUTO IS A PLANET #IN OUR HEARTS ♥️ #could've posted on ao3