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deviantdaffodil · 1 year

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breed me.

orochimaru x reader

this will be completely self indulgent. i am my own target audience till i actually have some kind of audience. shout out to my irls who r supporting me. sorry shawty

i haven't written in years. please be nice to me. however since i last wrote smut i have had sex so let's see how helpful that is lmfao

first post fr !!! fuck it babe, we ball!!!

this post contains: breeding kink, cock dumb, praise, cock praise if you squint. minors DNI !!!

Whimpers pour out of your throat while your face is pressed into the comfy sheets of your shared bed with the man currently pounding into you from behind. You genuinely don't remember how you got into this current situation. A movie turned into cuddling, turned into kissing, then.. well, this.

How did you get here again? Your head was reeling. Movie. Cuddling. Kissing. You had found yourself crawling into his lap. He had gripped your ass, leading you as you began to grind against his cock. Feeling him grow and throb under you sent you into a daze. The feeling deep in your stomach ignited a flame which had traveled down to your core. Just the feeling of his trapped cock throbbing against your clothed pussy at you cock dumb. He had picked you up, leaving the movie on, and brought you to your shared room. He threw you on the bed, and began to have his way with you, which you happily accepted.

Your mind was fuzzy. The tip of your lover's cock gently kissing your cervix as he rhythmically pounds into you. You whine and beg and plead for more, but it falls on deaf ears.

He wanted more. He needed more. He wanted to hear your beg and plead for him more. One of his hands grips onto your hip while the other reaches and pulls your head back by your hair. A gargled moan forces it's way up your throat. "Please, please more," your pathetic whines make Orochimaru's lust increase tenfold.

He leans forward, chest pressed to your back. "You take my cock so good," Orochimaru purrs into your ear. "Such a pretty slut." He releases your hair and allows you to lay your head back down on the bed. Both hands now gripped your hips and he thrusted into you at an animalistic pace.

"More- More please," you cry out as you arch your back, trying to bring your heat as close to him as you could. "Cum-" you choked out, "cum in- in me please.."

A chuckle rumbled from his chest. "Is that what you want?" he pants, slowing his pace. He wanted to try to savor this. You nod, rolling your hips against him. Orochimaru grinned, helping you onto your back, now holding the back of your knees up and pressed to your chest. "You want my cum? You want me to fill you up good?" he purred as he began to pound into you. The new position making you see stars. You could feel his cock pressing deeply into you, it felt so good, it was all you wanted to feel for the rest of your life, it's all you needed for the rest of your life.

"Yes!" you cry, "God please please please." You began to babble complete nonsense about how good his cock felt and how you wanted him to breed you.

He placed his hand on your lower stomach, applying pressure and using his thumb to rub circles on your clit. You could feel the knot in your stomach tighten and you start to try to grind against his thumb while he rubs your clit and ruins your pussy.

"Are you going to take all my cum?" he growls, "Not gonna let any go to waste?" Orochimaru picks up the pace, thrusting rough and deep.

"Yes! Oh god yes! Please, please fill me up," You plead with tears pricking your eyes. You were so close and you knew Orochimaru was just edging himself until he was satisfied with your begging. You continued to babble your praises for his cock and your desire for him to fill you with cum.

"You're such a good girl," he hissed as he kicked his thrusts up to max and began to completely drill his cock into you while rubbing your clit. "You look so pretty with my cock in you," he cooed. "You're gonna look so pretty when I impregnate you."

That was enough to send you over the edge. Your moans become breathy as you cry out his name, arching your back. Your walls clench around Orochimaru's cock, he groans as he cums deep inside you.

Tears spill from your eyes, drooling, and completely cock dumb. Orochimaru kisses your head, but he does not pull his cock out of you. He just lays down on top of you, and closes his eyes. You weakly rest your hand on his head and the two of you drift off to sleep.

#orochimaru #smut #xreader #naruto shippuden #shameless smut #breed kink #praise #drabble

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nemesis-is-my-middle-name · 2 years

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…so in the Zoroark twins AU. What’s the reunion like?

...

He's warm, which isn't unusual in and of itself, but the kind of warm is so rare as to be almost unfamiliar. Another person pressed against his side, seemingly dozing, still smiling faintly even in his sleep. He isn't warm—he runs cold, even—but the act of contact, of familiarity, it's... good. Soft.

It's almost, but not quite, enough to counterbalance the thing that keeps him from fully relaxing. He wonders if anyone else would notice. The guilt, his constant companion in Hisui, now eating him alive from the inside out, almost physically painful in its intensity. He wants to run from it but he's trapped, cornered, he should have known, sooner or later his time would be up. There would be consequences for what he's persisted in doing.

This face is all he has, and that's what hurts the most. Without it he is adrift, alone—but he cannot keep it. It is not his, it cannot be his. He should have given it up a long time ago but instead he lied, he acted, in a stunning show of disrespect for the clans and the man whose face and name he'd stolen—even the name. Even the name is not his, it belongs to the person that this stranger leaning against his side believes him to be.

He knew, of course, that this stranger wasn't human, either. Had, in fact, reacted initially as though he were another Zoroark—bared suddenly-sharp teeth and warned him to discard that illusion, because the least he could do for the man whose life he stole was ensure nobody else made a mockery of it. But he had been returned a blank stare, a slight tilt of the head, and a question of why? I am Emmet. It is my face. And he remembered—Zoroark in Hisui were not mimics, they were ghosts.

And this Emmet recognized Ingo’s face not as his own, but as someone else's. They look the-same-but-different, different in ways so subtle as to be almost invisible. They must have been family. Twins. He feels sick with hate.

He doesn't know how he hasn't noticed that he's in disguise, but—no, that's impossible. He... he must think he's a ghost, too. And how relieved he must feel—that they'd both suffered but at least they were together—

It hurt, hurt like an open wound—what a monster—and he poorly stifles a sob. It gets the attention of the one dozing, who suddenly sits up. Yellow eyes stare back at him—for one blink, and then they're grey again. Is he slipping, too–?

That is irrelevant, he cuts back at that reactive instinct, there's no point in keeping up the charade. He has to be honest. For once, finally. This ghost—this man who should be grieving—deserves the truth.

“There is,” his voice feels rusted over, unsteady, difficult to get moving, “something... I should tell you.”

He leans back the slightest bit, and Emmet reacts in kind, shuffling away to give him space. The loss of pressure, the sudden distance—it catches him off-guard, the hurt of its absence. He sits cross-legged, leaning in just enough to be attentive without being intimidating, head tilted and eyes piercingly alert. Ingo shivers, fear and anxiety about being caught—trained into him by Hisui—soaking into him alongside the guilt. But he forces himself to power through it.

“I- am not who you think I am.” He tries to look him in the eye but he can’t, his face drops until it’s buried in his hands. He fights in shaky breaths to compose himself, he has no right to be so emotional, this is all his own fault—now he really is slipping, the nails on his face digging in like talons. “I am not... human. I...”

“You are the black Zoroark.”

It’s not- he wasn’t expecting him to guess so fast, and yet the voice isn’t an accusation, either. It’s even and measured, like he’s confirming a fact instead of a guess, as self-assured as I am Emmet. His hands shake when he lifts his head slightly. “...You knew?”

“Of course.” Over his own hands, he sees his head tilt slightly. “That is how I found you.”

“What-?” he can’t even form a proper question, his mind reeling from that statement. That doesn’t make sense.

“The Zoroark here are all Ghost and Normal. So...” he trails off, and then asks instead, “...did you think I didn’t know?” Ingo finally—actually—looks at him again, to see the corners of his mouth turn down slightly. His eyes are searching now. “...Ingo. Do you... remember me?”

He’s so thoroughly lost, now, that the answer comes almost unbidden, in a rush of unplanned words. Honesty is so much easier, now that he’s started. “There is nothing to remember. I am only a mimic, I had his face when I woke and I could not bring myself to discard it, even though I knew—it was theft, but your- twin, or whoever, I- no! No, I do not remember, I do not,” he’s fully sobbing now, despite himself, “even the original, even him. I am so, so sorry-”

“-stop. Stop.” Hands are gently pried away from his face and clasped together, bleeding edges of his illusion hidden from view. There’s a moment of silence, where the only sound is his own hiccuping breaths.

Then, “You are right. We are twins. You and I.” A thumb gently traces his knuckles. The voice has no overt emotion, but he can hear the softness in it. “Nobody else. Only you, always.”

“...what?” His own voice is almost a whisper.

“I was human. You were Zorua. And we are brothers. Both things can be true.”

“There was never... it was your face.” The realization comes together slowly. “You... gave me your face?”

“No.” It’s unexpected, but firm. “Gave would mean I lost anything. We shared. That is what good siblings do.”

Their hands shift so Emmet is cupping his. The black claws have vanished, replaced with clean nails. Ingo, speechless for once, lifts one hand to wipe his eyes with his sleeve—then he breaks and scoops Emmet into a hug, burying his face in his shoulder, tears coming anew. He doesn’t remember, but he knows, somewhere. Why it felt so right, to simply lean against him, why this is a relief instead of terrifying—

Emmet returns the hug, solid like steel, and maintaining his human form stops feeling like a fight.

#submas #zoroark twins au #swift writes #the nemesis speaks #the nemesis answers #kettouryuujin #okay. yes. i have been thinking about this specifically. thank you.#yeah zor emmet remembers everything! it takes a while but they start coming back over time much quicker than ingo's #something about being dead #also ingo has given himself SO many problems. dude.

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sir-yeehaw-paws · 1 year

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Ocelot: ☠ ♦ ☼

Character Headcanons

☠ - angry/violent headcanon I think his anger is a drawn-out, simmering style. I think he might've had periods where he was more hot headed and quicker to aggravate but this simmers over time to a more deadly, devastating type of anger. Less 'general irritability' and more grabbing the reins of it and manipulating it to where it might suit. If something does anger or piss him off, you're going to know-eventually.

You can hear him act angry or disgusted/aggravated in every game (and age he's shown in) he's in. At least at certain points, but I can see him holding onto things that bother him, and unleashing them when it might have the most impact.

Violence is interesting because he's a violent sort of person, but not in a quick way. To expand, I don't think he enjoys a great deal of mess if he can help it. He's a little meticulous that way and prefers violence has a cleaner edge. Because he will do exceptionally violent things, but without a lot of hmm, how to word..gore? Involved. I think he prefers cleaner, more internal methods (IE: Needles, Electrocution, etc) things that do leave their own marks, but have significantly less bloodshed involved. *Not that I see him as being against bloodshed if it suits, but I think it's a little lower on his preference list.*

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon

Hobby: Big Boss (I'm kidding-not)

Hobby: Guns

Hobby: Double check to make absolutely positively sure he doesn't have an ass but then act as though he has one anyway (It's the vibes, he's seen how Kaz does it. It's all in the energy it's FINE)

Quirks: The cowboy thing he has going on is past a bit and something he genuinely enjoys/likes. He unironically loves the get up, the aesthetic, all of it. Probably has those dime store novels and old radio drama's on reels or something.

Quirks: Can't sit still. Literally cannot sit still. I think he'd enjoy reading, and probably does like it. But sitting still isn't happening. Constant motion. Military training or not. Captain Fidgety Ass (Like me fr)

☼ - appearance headcanon

He's probably decently vain, but in a subtle way. I think he takes pretty good care of how he looks *Nobody is going around in a three piece, boots with spurs, or fancy gloves and not at least having some cultivation in that*. The only time we see him shirtless is when he's A) 70 years old and B) Technically a slightly different man-Liquified, you could say. (I am so sorry I am not funny). I wonder if he just likes being in layers, or looking nice and put together (of course he also wears an open neck shirt and..scarf when he's middle aged so honestly??)

Thanks for sending in!

#asks #answered asks #character asks #asks games #revolver ocelot

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lqfiles · 18 days

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HELP SORRY FOR OFFENDING U WITH THE HAECHAN COMMENT 😭😭

no bc if my thoughts on most vs least attractive members to me got leaked i would like get cancelled by the entire community oops 🙈

IVE BEEN TOLD I HAVE SHIT TASTE IN MEN AND MY TASTE IS INCONSISTENT TOOLIKE okay we’re not gonna offend more people sorry guys 😭😭

but haechan haechan THERE WAS THIS ONE REEL I GOT and i was like “holy… he’s mad fine…” and that reel and IDK WHICH LIVE IT WAS BUT HE WAS DRINKING (probably every one of his lives but idk he looked so fine in the clips + edits i’ve seen of it) RE-EVALUATING MY THOUGHTS ON HIM FR. like i’ve always seen him as like more adorable than like… hot/handsome in that way… DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?? IDK AM I CONFUSING HELP WHY AM I DEFENDING MYSELF OOPS

if jaemin and renjun ever do decide to start a cat twitter account i am their first follower 🫡🫡

JAEHYUN BEING SO OLD MAN CODED. does he crack dad jokes… i feel like he would

skin products are such a scam honestly i’ve tried TOO MANY THINGS AT THIS POINT. people always say oh it goes away as you get older but some days i feel like it gets worse and worse. I LOVEEE GASLIGHTING MYSELF ABOUT MY ACNE I’LL BE LIKE… omg there wasn’t as much breakout as there was last week!!! it’s getting better and then the next week it breaks out even worse than before 💀💀 hopefully!! i am still trying my best to get rid of it 💪💪 💕💕

- 🤠

LMFAOOO NOOO OMG WAIT IM NOT OFFENDED TRUSTT i’m able to accept that we don’t find the same people attractive 😓 my oomfs got interesting taste in men too.. we don’t all get each other and that’s okay 💗 i kinda need you to show me your ranking tho.. let me judge you 🤨

THE FACT THAT I JNOW EXACTLY WHAT LIVE YOURE TALIJNG ABOUT BECAUSE I HAVE LIKE 100 PINTEREST PICS SAVED OF THAT LIVE LMFAOOO, it’s the one i used for the haechan as boyfriend headcanon right? i get you tho because haechan loves to be seen as a baby girl like he thrives of the aegyo and being a princess.. and his behaviour is just over so playful and childlike but me personally i’ve BEEN thinking he was hot ever since that one teaser picture of the earthquake mv where he had that cut on his nose and was manspreading.. i was never the same again..

DAD JOKES ARE HIS SPECIALTY!!! such an old man in such an attractive body, he’s such a loser i love it. renjaem cat account and then renjun also gets included in jaemin’s youtube videos EXACTLYYY

LOLLL GASLIGHTING YOURSELF IS SO FUNNY 😭😭😭 my sister always says to not touch it because it will only make it break out more but i quite literally can’t help it like sometimes when i have breakout i’ll touch my face and feel that spot and try to press it away and urghh just annoying.. YOU GOT THIS THO DONT TOUCH IT TOO MUCH AND YOULL BE FINE I THINK 💗💗💗

#asks.#from 🤠 anon #( pay the price )

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venuspessimist · 5 months

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I made a playlist for every month in 2023

I mean you read the title :/

Okay but fr, Last year I decided to to an ongoing art project of sorts where I would pick a song each day to add to a playlist of the month.

Rules for this included no repeat songs in any of the playlist, meaning altogether I have complied 365 unique songs representing my year.

I didn't really have any plans to do anything with it besides just look at in awe and think art how cool ig I am for actually committing to that for a whole year. But, now that I a starting my second year on 'song diaries' as I have dubbed them I thought it would be fun to document all this nonsense somewhere.

Which leads me to this: tbh I have 0 expectations of anyone reading this but me so here! This is my January 2023 playlist:

Now a disclaimer before listening this is 100% my taste in music and is all over the place. I have no defense for the amount of k pop and MCR made it onto these.

Oh before you go I also forgot to mention I also made a playlist that I am adding my top 5 songs from each month to!

For a lot of these playlists, songs were added for very specific reasons so I thought it would be fun to do a kind of 'awards'!

SO for January my top 5 songs are!

Party Poison- My Chemical Romance

Like I said, I don't have a defense. It is what it is. and what it is is that this was was and always will be a bop. This song never fails to get me pumped. Like I don't even have to explain that the vocals on this are fabulous and the instrumental is ON from start to finish. It's MCR they don't miss.

2. Eden- Sub-Radio

Okay, this fucking song had me in a headlock last January. Idk what crack is in it but it will worm its way into your brain until you listen to in on repeat for a few days. The upbeat pop sound and the lead singers voice just reel you in. I stg I listened to this song so much it managed to get a pretty solid rank 35 on my Spotify wrapped.

3. Strange Love- Simple Creatures

Idek what to say about this song. If you don't know who Simple Creatures are you are seriously missing out. Its the stage name for two EPs released by Mark Hoppus of Blink-182 and Alex Gaskarth from All Time Low. And when I say that their discography is NO SKIP. It is very likely that more of their music will make this list, however this song dominated my January.

4. The Haunting (Acoustic)- Set it Off

This track made this list because it is perfect to feel a certain sorta way real fast. Like Idk maybe it's the recovering emo kid in me that knows every word to many of Set it Off's classic songs that just loves this version so much. It doesn't so too much, it is just right imo. If you like being able to scream-sing along to semi cringe emo lyrics with a sick beat or if you've got a bitch ass ex who didn't deserve you this song if for you.

5. Warm Blood- Flor

This was my crying song this time last year. And man, does it still hit. When I was re-listening to this playlist to pick a top 5 I immediately knew this had to be on the list, it just brought back too many memories. Such an emotional track. Beautifully sung vocals and overall great listening experience. Love this group and all their songs but this one in particular is special.

Okay Ig that's enough for now. Idk if I will post my February playlist or song choices or anything...we'll see :)

#art #me #music #new year 2024

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feuqueerfire · 1 year

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Choco Milk Shake Live Blogging

I’ve started watching this on my ipad so i wasn’t gonna liveblog but it’s cute so far halfway into ep 1 and thought why not. Also gonna try to watch most of this with Korean subs but who knows, I tend to give up quickly with that rip

Ep 1 (Jan 26)

when Choco and Milk stared at Jongwoo like that in the alley as he walked by, I was getting Strangers From Hell flashbacks lmfao also the main character’s name here is also 정우 like uhh (though I checked and they call his name Jungwoo here)

loll Jongwoo being unable to process this being Choco and Milk but then being like “아이씨 초코 맞는거 같애” as soon as Choco puts his head on his palm is so cute

I saw some people being like hmmm a bit weird that Choco sees Jongwoo as a love interest rather than a parent but they do use banmal with him and just call him 정우야 no hyung or appa or anything so i don’t find it weird ig like they saw each other as just friends before and now that they’re human and grown, there’s romantic interest

Choco is surely a dog and Milk is surely a cat, good casting and script when it comes to that aspect

Ep 2 (Jan 26)

Jongwoo’s actor slightly reminds me of Cha Eunwoo idk like with the hair and glasses from certain angles makes him look am that way or is it also the smile?

yesterday i reviewed that 사고 is accident so it’s good that it showed up here

pleasseeee Jongwoo’s shocked reaction after Choco kisses the whipped cream off his face. mans is mad yet reeling

Milk’s aversion to the friend is cute. he’s the love interest right?

Ep 3 (Jan 26)

oof sad backstory but at least we got the comfort of hurt/comfort as well

ooh there are Bengali subs in this too

Ep 4 (Jan 27)

aw cute Jongwoo’s sick so Milk’s working on his behalf at the cafe (can you even do that lol) and Choco’s taking care of the house

oh the uncle is fr Jongwoo’s uncle; he’s Jongwoo’s mom’s younger brother. I wonder what’s the age difference between him and his sister and Jongwoo. also has she passed away?

uhhh the uncle feeding Milk so cute

aw Jongwoo dreaming of his mom T.T

oh omurice = omlette rice

what the fuckkkk i wasn’t prepared to see Jongwoo cry over food right now

loll the sound when Choco blinks and smiles after Jongwoo dies seeing the mess he made when cooking

Ep 5 (Jan 27)

Jongwoo going on a blind date but it’s so awkward i’m dying

wtf not the man being too pushy to Jongwoo (or possibly was just tryna give him bread) and so Choco nearly breaking his hand lol

pls Milk mouthing “why’d you come together?” and Choco being like “I got caught” is so cute, I love their shenanigans

Choco and Milk talking about liking being a human and how they’ll disappear T.T Oh if they try to stay, they won’t ever be able to see him again?

Ep 6 (Jan 27)

Jongwoo overhead their talks about leaving D:

wound tending

ahh Choco saying I’m bigger now so I should be cuter

why is this show just so cute wtff

who cameeee show me who showed up or i throw up

an ex of Jongwoo?

Ep 7 (Jan 28)

Aw Choco being jealous of Jongwoo’s ex

ksldfjla;ksdfj they’re kissing? ah the ep ended lmfao so should i guess they get interrupted

drunk Milk aww and addressing the uncle as ya and giggling when the uncle goes ya?! and pls we’re gonna get the ‘waking up shirtless the next morning and being like did we fuck?!’

okay I’ve gotta start watching at 1.25x and leave my hopes for learning Korean cuz I wanna finish this today

Ep 8 (Jan 28)

that was the teeniest kiss ever

lol Choco and Jongwoo just waiting for Milk as he tries to sneak back in the morning after

oi Milk’s angry little kiss ahh

kasfd pls Milk’s sheer panic and the violence after he awoke

Milk saying they can call him a dog if he drinks again and Jongwoo telling him to say woof! when they drink again

bitch what is this showwww why is it so touching like Jongwoo’s ex talking about how Jongwoo used to be always ready to leave but now he looks happy and telling him to hold on to Choco and Jongwoo being like :< but he’s leaving soon

bruv why did ex ask if Jongwoo’d give him another chance someday and why’d Jongwoo say yes akljdf if i was watching this live i’d be so terrified of the pets disappearing and Jongwoo ending up with ex instead

Ep 9 (Jan 28)

plssss Milk’s jealousy

oh nooo they’re kinda falling apart

okay at least they’re making up a bit again

Ep 10 (Jan 29)

If I watched this on Dec 6 as it aired and had to wait like 2 weeks for the next ep, I would’ve become a villain and taken some drastic measures

this fucking flashback segment how could you do this to me

Ep 11 (Jan 29)

he’s fucking hallucinating Milk and Choco I’m gonna break some glass

2 years later

ah okay it’ll be easier for them to come back each time and it’ll be for longer

oh lesbianism <3 ?

Overall Thoughts:

Very cute and also had a fair bit of emotional moments, I really liked it! I’m glad Strongberry got to do this sort of project and that they keep getting support. Also got a fair amount of Korean practice out of it.

However, it did take me 4 days to watch this though bc I kept watching only one or two of the short eps every day bc it didn’t have that pull of ‘I must keep watching’ or “I wonder what’s happening next?” So it’s cute and well made the the actors for Choco and Milk did so well haha but I’m not super invested in the characters and probably won’t think about them much.

Rating: 6.5/10 6/10 [Jan 25, 2024 Update: Decreased by 0.5 stars when rerating my top shows: 6.5 -> 6]

Tiktoks:

ep 4 Milk and Uncle

#ep by ep commentary #choco milk shake

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mygnolia · 2 years

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crush﹢relationship headcannons w/ chan!

pair -› chan x gn!reader

genre -› fluff, pure fluff

wc -› 1.1k

cw -› food mention (hot choco), one word abt barf

a/n -› ngl ive changed my a/n bc this has been collecting dust in the drafts and its so funny to see whenever i come back and chance it to “im in love” and then “man i wish they liked me back”

he probably smiles whenever he sees u

you two probably have mutual friends

like you and seungmin probably are friends and just mess around with jeongin

omg unstopabble trio fr

but one time seungmin in his lavish big rich boy house goes “lets have a sleepover”

yall playin word games bc its 2 am and obviously your braincells (do not) work

assuming yall can drink but if not we’ll blame it on the sleepiness

you’re just laughing rlly hard to this joke minho makes and everyone stares unimpressed at him and chan looks over and kind of

smiles at you

like this toothy moon crescent eye smile that has you thinkin about him

all fuckin’ night too

like you probably think about how it would feel if he smiled to you romantically

and your mind is reeling

anyways you fall asleep fast but chan can’t sleep and when he does its late

they def dont want to overwork him so they let him sleep as much as he can

bro yall fall for each other SO fast…(barfs)

yall probs go to the fair in town or like a pumpkin patch with games and he’s just admiring you from afar

proud smile lovesick grin holds your hand when you win smth

he definitely wins a large stuffie like a bear or an elephant

and i’d think he’d pull something slick like “hey lets trade stuffed animals i don’t like holding this one”

just would be a total sweetheart

i think he would drive you home! just very subtle glances soft smiles and all of your friends were like “placing bets they’re totally kiss”

when he nears your home he asks if he can kiss u

yes! ofc! i think he’s still a little shy so it was be rlly short and sweet!!

asks if he can talk to you tmr abt the whole thing and feelings

heart combustion? immediate? and all he’s thinking rn is “man i think they’re so wonderful and cute”

and YOU’RE thinking about how long you’ve been waiting and how you’re so giddy

u go to bed with a smile on ur face fs

you two talk it out, shy smiles and hugs and he admits he was scared you didn’t like him the way he liked you

but u do!! and everything is pretty sunshine and rainbows

i think chan would be as caring as he can between his work hours he still crams in a hug or shared dinners

school would be tough on both of you and though you might be sad you didn’t see or receive a text you yourself are probs cramming for finals so u understand

winter break!! it’s your three month anniversary plus christmas and u’ve been saving a bit of money up to get him whatever he might want

chan would be happy for the gift but he would be most excited to spend time with you

tries to stay as close as possible like holding hands, cuddling, head on your shoulder, just some sort of skinship because i feel like he wants to feel close to u?

UHM DOES CHAN LIKE HOT CHOCO

n e ways lets assume he does, would make u a lot of tea and hot choco since it’s easy

chan seems like the type to buy u smth like a necklace or a bracelet and make you a long handwritten letter telling you about how he just simply adores you

i think he’s just really in love with u like he never wants to lose you EVER

you would really think he’s a gem

you’re both honest and you both feel like it’s a bit unreal if you were to spend your whole lives together

like its not impossible, but he’s like a dream you’re afraid of waking up to experience a life without him yknow

i think you both have a clear grasp that you might not be his forever and vice versa, but he would never hold it against you if you two broke up or split

things happen, people drift apart or lose that feeling for their significant other

but you both think that time hasn’t come yet so you two enjoy each other for now for as long as u can

chan’s just always so sweet and you wonder what he finds in you

he doesn’t get it tho like he doesn’t get how u don’t see how wonderful u are for him when you ask if he still loves you or if he’s ever going to leave

chan: no i would never babe :(( you mean so much to me why would i ever do that to you without telling you first

he’s scared of losing you too though

worries that you’ll find someone who makes you laugh harder or makes you fall harder than how you fell with him and it makes him sick when he thinks about you with someone else

not because he’s jealous, but because he wouldn’t ever want to lose you simply because he loves you so much

he’d find so many flaws with himself and beats him up for it

and i think you’d have to remind him that you don’t love him because he’s perfect, but you love him for him and that’s what matters

sometimes there are rough patches and it’s okay! you two promise to talk about whatever might bother you as long as your comfortable with sharing and would discuss anything he notices in ur relationship

but it’s not like a scolding

everyone has different ways of communicating and sometimes chan just wants to make sure u know that he’s always here for you

and that he’s not going to push any of your boundaries

but he also expects the same which is reasonable! (he has his personal matters or things he wants to avoid talking about and you make sure not to overstep)

he just wants to make sure everything is alright and doesn’t want you neglecting yourself for other things

you always come first, he wants you to know it the best you can

and if you’re dealing with something he would definitely wait for you and remind you it’s okay to be vulnerable and express yourself, whether or not it’s to him or your friends or close ones

chan isn’t pushy with anything and is patient/observant when it comes to your relationship and u in general

yeah! things can get difficult but chan would try his best to support you through all of it

i think overall chan would love every part of you as best as he could

and he does a pretty good job!

UHHHHH hope…hope…u enjoyed my brainrot…? check my masterlist for more and lmk if u have any feedback bc this was just me ranting ish LMFAO

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bugsy-maria · 3 years

Text

Winchester's x Demon Sister! Reader

Warnings: Mention of burning alive, mention of torture and abusive past

"You know I find it hard to believe that you don't recognize your own Daughter," I played with the blade of John's hunting knife, "Were you that much of an absent father?" I looked up at the three hunters I hold hostage. my black eyes staring at them, a deadpanned look across my may face.

"I don't have a daughter!" he lost his cool fast. he yelled at me and I barely said anything.

"Of course you do," I bent down to his eye level, "You just forgot about her in the fire."

~~~~~22 years before~~~~~

3rd POV

Marry had just tucked in her two latest pride and joys. today was their six-month birthdays and something about that felt familiar to Marry as she forgot about it. as she walked out of the room after kissing the twins goodnight, she dismissed the feeling.

Mary passes John as she leaves the nursery, he's on his way to put Dean to bed. Once all children were put to bed, the adults of the house decided that it was their turn to turn in fr the night.

About an hour or two later, Mary stirs in her sleep. the noise from the baby monitor keeping her from sleeping. he sat up ready to make her way to the nursery to see little Sammy and precious (Y/N). she walked through the hall and sees a dim light coming from the TV downstairs.

Mary looks into the room in which the baby duo occupied, just to see the silhouette of her husband standing over the crib both babies slept in. they hadn't expected twins so they had only used the one that Dean used.

"John?" Mary spoke up, "Are they hungry?" she queried.

"Shh." her Husband shushed, she took it as a sign that he had just managed to put the two tots to bed. Mary made her way downstairs to turn off the TV, once she made her way to the bottom of the wooded steps she saw the last thing she expected to see.

On the couch was her husband sleeping, but in the room was John putting the babies to sleep. Marry quickly darted up the stairs turning on the lights to her own death. John awoke to the sounds of his wife screaming.

John saw the sight of the fire in the nursery, he also saw Dean standing in the hall scared.

"Get your siblings!" he shouted at the poor child. as he ran down the stairs to call for help.

~~~~~Present day~~~~~

(Y/N)'s POV

"(Y/N)?" his voice shook.

"Ding! Ding! ding!" I stood straight, "We have a winner!" I pointed at him.

"Get out of her, you black-eyed bitch!" I heard Dean speak up from the end of the line.

"Oh Dee," I chuckled, "I am your sister, I'm just upgraded." I smiled, looking back down at the knife I'm now twisting in my palm.

"You're not my sister, you're just a girl I met at school." his voice turned down yet sterned.

~~~~~9 years before~~~~~

Another day, another motel, another school. I never knew why we moved around a lot. all I knew was that it was for dad's work. I woke up to a single-bed hotel room once again. why only one bed you may ask? well, my dad is a crossroads demon for Hell so he's never around, but when he is I get new marks on my skin.

I got ready for school, I put on a black sweater with a white-collar shirt underneath. I slid my legs into a pair of ripped black jeans and tied my dirt-stained white converse. I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked to the school.

the day went by miserably slow. I was walking to the lunchroom, books safely tucked into my locker. I wasn't going to eat anything, I just had to be there. I felt someone's shoulder knock into mine.

"Sorry." I squeaked out, my frame folding into itself. I looked at the person I ran into. he looked to be a senior, 6' 7" and built like a chad.

"You think you can just push me around?" his voice boomed throughout the hall, making everyone stop.

"n-no," I stuttered. I felt my shoulder get grabbed and my back gets pushed up against the locker.

"I'm gonna make you pay for even laying eyes on me short stack!" he reeled his fist back, I closed my eyes waiting for the impact.

"You wanna think about that again?" a stern voice spoke up. I opened my eyes to see a familiar face, he had light freckles on his skin, dark brown hair, and an old leather jacket. he was always at every school I went to, and always managed to get the reputation of the bad boy everyone was scared of.

the giant quickly scurried off, leaving Dean and me in the same spot.

"You okay?" he looked at me.

"mm." I hummed, "Thanks, Dean." I quietly thanked about to make my way to the lunchroom.

"You know me?" he stopped me.

"Of course, you're always at every school I go to." I looked back at him, "Almost like you follow me." I smiled. most are scared of him, but when you see him almost every day for 13 years you tend to not be as scared.

~~~~~Present day~~~~~

Ever since that day he protected me from bullies and on occasion tended to my wounds caused by my father.

"That happens to also be your sister." I smiled at him. "I swear we crossed paths so many times. I was left to burn in a fire, saved by a demon instead of my own father, always in the same motel just one room over, in the same class as Sam, always saved by Dean, always kicked out by John, and always left behind for the wolves." I walked around them.

"The demon did this to you," Sam concluded.

"You'd think that wouldn't you?" I kneeled in front of him, my knife gliding across his jaw. "Sam it always was you, you were the one to push me over the edge."

~~~~~5 Years Before~~~~~

"You might have had Dean fooled but I'm not!" sam yelled at me. I was hoping Dee would be at their room so he could help me sew up a deep gash I got on my arm. a wound that was being held closed by an old tee-shirt. "I know you are one of those things that killed our mother!"

"Sammy what are you talking about?" tears of pain dried upon my face, but new tears forming on my face. how could Same think I'm a monster?

"Don't call me that!" he pushed me back a little from my shoulders. the harsh movement caused a sting in my wound, but I won't let any pain show now. "I hate you I always have! You're nothing but a monster!" he grabbed my uninjured arm and shoved me out of the room. I stood outside as he slammed the door in my face.

something changed in me that day. something big broke. I hated what I was, so I changed in that split second. my eyes turned black that night.

~~~~~Present day~~~~~

"You know you don't have to watch me." I stood up and looked in the direction of Crowley, the demon who found me burning. "I've been planing this since I was 17." I smiled, watching him disappear. I looked around the room, making sure that he was absolutely gone.

"Thank Lucifer he's gone!" I smiled, I quickly walked over to Dean undoing his restraints.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I may be a demon now, but I still care about you Dee," I said standing up hugging him after dropping the knife.

"I know." he hugged back.

"Dean are you crazy? She's a demon?!" I heard John yell.

"And you left your child to burn alive so it's not like you're all that good either." I went over to sam to undo his restraints too.

"How do we know we can trust you?"

"Well you never did before, so don't know." I smiled, crawling over to John's chair.

"Sam, get the Colt." I heard Sam listen to John.

"Wrong direction Sammy boy." I pulled the gun out of my pants while I stood up.

"So you planned to get the gun from us?" john stood up, facing me.

"no, I'll give it back once you guys are out of here." I looked him in the eyes.

"She wouldn't hurt us, dad." I heard Dean speak from his spot near Sam.

"And how can we trust her?" venom leaked from the old man's words.

"Fine." I sighed, "Let's make a deal." I smiled at them.

"For what our souls, you might as well kill us now then." sam sounded angry

"No of course not. I'm a demon there for I have to keep the deals I make, I let you escape if you shoot me, not dead but in the shoulder."

"Why?"

"I don't want to hurt you guys, so I need to make it seem like you escaped on your own without my help."

"And you thought I wouldn't notice?" I heard crowly say from behind me.

"I'm not going to hurt them." I looked at him.

"No you were always too sensitive, it's the human in you." I threw the colt at Dee.

"And it what has kept me alive." I smile at him.

"It's what's going to kill you,"

"But you haven't killed me, I think that's your human side." he stepped in front of me.

"You better choose your next words very wisely," he advised

"If you wanted to kill you would have by know, face it. you care for me a little bit." he snapped his fingers and I was back in hell. in my room, well more like a holding cell.

"Argue with Crowley again?" a demon asked me from outside from my cell.

"Mmhmm." I slumped on the floor in the corner of the small cement room. just hoping that my brothers would come and save me this time.

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bunny-xoxo · 3 years

Text

To Call You Mine

college!tsuki x reader series

Ch. 3 - not a buddy, just a tutor

warning(s): toxic relationship behavior, toxic mindset, loneliness ☹️, kind of some Angst 😶

a/n: hehehehe I loved the way some of y’all were reacting about the boyfriend part LMAO , I hope you enjoy this ch!! And you know I love love love hearing from you guys :)

Ch. 1 Ch. 2

“Tomorrow, we’ll be sure to review…”

You couldn’t focus on what your professor said as you left the classroom, thumbs moving at the speed of light as you texted Tsukishima back urgently.

Wednesday 12:02 pm

- ‘Omg, I seriously owe you sm. Class wasn’t perfect but it kind of made SENSE! Ty fr :)’

You probably looked like an idiot smiling so big down at your phone but you couldn’t fathom how relieved you felt versus the usual existential dread that hung over you nearly every other day after Calc.

You turn your ringer back on as you shove your phone into your pocket, remnants of a small smile resting on your face. Still reeling from your accomplished high, you figured some celebratory coffee would-

ding

You think the speed at which you snatched your phone back out, almost fumbling it in the process, was more embarrassing than how you were smiling earlier. It just felt nice to hear some validation from Tsuki, you haven’t known him long - at all - but it didn’t feel like a regular occurrence with him. And it kind of made you feel special if you were being honest.

Kai💗😩🥳

- ‘Still down to hang?’

Your cheeks began to hurt with how often you were smiling today. Not who you were expecting, but it made you pleased nonetheless to see your boyfriends contact pop up onto your screen. You clicked on the message and unlocked your phone, typing your response chalk full of cheesy emojis.

ding

The notifications momentarily pause your movements as you read the banners quickly and quietly to yourself.

Tsukishima :)

- ‘sounds like you still need a tutor 🙄’

- ‘and np’

- ‘if you need to go over today’s lesson before Sunday just text me and we’ll figure something out.’

- ‘but we’re still on for Sunday so no there’s no getting out of that.’

You made a mental note to finish your text to Kai in a moment, swiping to get to Tsuki’s messages.

- ‘that eager to see me again? Aren’t you sweet 😌 I’m getting coffee as a gift for myself, if you’re not busy ig I could get you one too as a thanks 🙄’

You clicked your phone off once more, ignoring the string of sounds coming from your back pocket, instead choosing to focus on the walk there and mentally check your schedule to see when you were free. Maybe you’d take him up on his offer.

The walk was short enough to not have to worry about warming back up when you got inside, which really meant you could have an iced coffee without the consequences of a cold drink during the chilly autumn weather.

Walking up to wait in line, you debated between choosing your regular order or trying something new. Your eyes bore into the menu with an intensity comparable to someone like Kai on the court. You giggled quietly to yourself at such a clever thought before going back to deciding what you wanted before it was your turn to order.

“Hmm, blatantly ignoring me and giggling to yourself about it? You certainly are in a mood, aren’t you?”

You nearly jumped out of your skin at the sound of a familiar cocky voice behind you, warmth emitting from his chest that almost had you backing into it.

You huffed and turned your head over your shoulder to see Tsuki, the man of the hour, looming over you with that shit eating grin.

“You think you’re cute sneaking up on me like that?” You squinted your eyes and reached out to lightly smack his, surprisingly quite firm, chest.

“Adorable, actually.” His smile got even wider when you rolled your eyes and tried not to smile yourself, turning your attention back to the menu.

“You know, if you would’ve answered my texts you would’ve had a coffee waiting for you already.” Tsuki commented and sighed, feigning annoyance with you as he watched you glance between him and your phone, now in your hand, in confusion.

Tsukishima :)

- ‘not eager to see you, eager to tutor you more so I get to see you less ❤️’

- ‘and now you’re offering to buy me a drink? Who really wants to see who’

- ‘I’m already here anyway, just text me what you want.’

- ‘you’re offer expires in about 39 seconds.’

- ‘😐’

- ‘sucks for you ig.’

You chuckle and put your phone away, cooing playfully about how sweet he is as you watch his arrogant smile slowly fade away from his face. It wasn’t until you gained the attention of a couple people around you that he had enough, muttering about how annoying you are and how he can’t wait to get rid of you as he nudges you up to the cashier.

Placing your order, you step to the side and wait - and apparently Tsukishima was going to be waiting with you.

“So, you said you felt more comfortable in class?”

His face was more serious now as he asked you the question, no playful smiles or a snarky demeanor. You could tell he was just waiting for a genuine answer.

His eyebrows rested softly on his face as you spoke. They sat not too far above his eyes that were slightly wider than normal, occasionally raising in response to the lilts in your voice. His lips were only slightly parted, resting in a fine line. He looked, contemplative.

“Oh, hey babe!”

A familiar booming voice cuts you off mid rant, your face and body twisting into it’s direction.

“I thought you were maybe talking to your calc professor or somethin’ since you didn’t answer my text right away like you usually do.” Kai, your boyfriend, was right next to you now. His long, strong arm pulling you into his side to keep you there, pressing a kiss to the side of your head in the process.

He turned his attention to Tsukishima now, eyeing him up and down before offering him his own signature grin: all toothy, bright, and fake.

“I’m Kai, her boyfriend, nice to meet you.”

You internally screamed at the way he had to emphasize the fact that he was your boyfriend, and then internally screamed even louder at the way Tsukishima chuckled - no scoffed - at what Kai said.

Not every person to ever be in your presence was a threat to the security of your relationship.

You hated how over protective he could be sometimes, even if he means well. Deciding now wasn’t the time to mull over your recent relationship troubles, you gave Tsuki an “I’m sorry he can be like that sometimes” glance.

Squeezing quickly onto Kai’s arm, you took your turn to speak before either of them could.

“This is Tsukishima, my frien-“

“What’s so funny?” Kai had that smile still, but tilted his head just enough to show he wasn’t really smiling.

“I’m Tsukishima Kei, her tutor, nice to meet you. I just think it’s funny our names are so similar, that’s all.”

Tsuki’s smirk screamed “I’m a liar and that’s most definitely not what I’m laughing about”, and his eyes gleamed with playfulness, toying with the limits of your boyfriends patience.

Kai was a well built man. 6’2”, not too lean but not too big, and a wide frame. And when you pair that with his resting face and his usual, presence, he likes to carry, he’s not always the most approachable person. And he certainly doesn’t make it easy when he’s actively trying to be intimidating, or whatever it is he does. But thankfully Tsukishima’s either too stupid to notice or simply doesn’t care; either way you appreciate the consistency in his attitude.

What you didn’t appreciate was being cut off.

“Like I was trying to say, Tsukishima’s a friend. M-“

“Oh, so we’re friends now? I wouldn’t say a single tutoring session makes us friends.” Tsuki’s silly little smirk was short lived as he met your eyes.

You really didn’t appreciate being cut off. Twice. And maybe you didn’t appreciate this little attitude of his.

“Oh? Well I didn’t know acquaintances offered to buy the other coffee.” Your eyes bore into his with a harsh stare, making the tips of his ears start to turn red before he did his best to make up for himself.

“They do when they’re trying to get to know them better. I mean, if that’s allowed?” The expectant glare Tsukishima gave Kai made your blood run cold.

Such an asshole.

You clenched your jaw and huffed, but before you or Kai could get to speak, Tsuki beat you both to it.

“Just text me and we’ll figure something out, see you Sunday if not sooner.”

And with that he was gone, snatching his bag up and shoving his belongings into it carelessly before pushing through the door.

The gust of wind that blew through was appropriately cold for the situation.

“Order for (y/n)!”

—

“How am I the dick here?” Kai’s voice bounced off the walls in your cramped dorm, his harsh tone echoing from all corners of the space.

Thankfully, most people were probably out in a class or eating lunch at this time like Bonnie was.

“Why do you have to make everything a pissing contest between you and any man in my general vicinity? I don’t know Kai, maybe I’d like to fucking have another friend besides Bo-“

“Oh don’t guilt trip m-“

Interrupted, again.

“Quit doing that! Quit cutting me off just let me speak!”

You felt your voice crack from the extensive length the two of you have been going at it, just trying to get a word out. The tension was high in the room as you calmed yourself down and caught your breath, doing your best to swallow the growing lump in your throat.

“Just,”, you groaned and covered your face with your hands for a brief moment before continuing,

“We’re supposed to be working on our trust, Kai.”

It was quiet for a few seconds before he spoke up softly.

“Babe, it’s not you that I don’t trust.”

You sighed deeply as you felt the hot tears that had been waiting to spill run down your cheeks.

“Kai. That’s bullshit. It doesn’t matter that you don’t trust other people or whatever the hell you’re saying, cause I’m the one being affected by your feelings and actions. I’m the one who might lose a possible friend because you’re insecure.”

That must’ve been his last straw. Because instead of another sharp response, it was silent. The sound of the door clicking open making noise rather than him himself.

It caught your attention as you looked up to watch Kai begin to leave just barely hearing him say,

“I’ll talk to you later.”

The silence that filled the space after he left was suffocating. You wanted to scream, cry, and go to bed all at once. And the latter didn’t sound like such a bad idea.

You rolled onto your bed and clutched onto your blanket tight, not wanting to let your feelings fester and think about how angry you were right now. But you couldn’t stop yourself when your chest grew heavy as you began to sob, you hated how often he’d just avoid an issue. But right now, that’s exactly what you felt like doing, too.

Sitting up, you changed and crawled under the covers, deciding a nap was the only way you were gonna be able to give yourself a break right now. And you were completely right.

Not before changing his contact to just, “Kai”, of course.

He doesn’t deserve the emojis right now.

—

It was dark and your skin was clammy when you woke up, your head pounding. You were in desperate need of a drink of water. Sitting up slowly, rubbing your face in a desperate attempt to smooth away your grogginess, you hopped off your bed towards your desk.

Why does being with him have to be so draining?

You’ve never felt like your relationship was perfect or easy, but you’ve also never felt like it wasn’t worth it. How often does someone stay with their high school sweetheart - albeit off and on - until their second year in college? And besides, you were both trying to make it easy for each other at the least.

Making friends was easy for you, it was keeping them that was hard. Remembering to set aside time to make plans, or even remember to make them in the first place. Or even doing something simple like shooting them a text, whether it was your nerves or not you’ve always just told yourself you’re too busy and too focused to spend time creating a bunch of lasting friendships.

But Kai? Kai’s always stuck around, no matter how many times he’s reminded you how often you’ve made things difficult for the two of you. Even when he’s left he’s come back, willing to listen and figure it all out. He’s always been your one and only. But that’s also the problem;

He’s always been your one and only.

Recently it’s felt like no matter what you do, he’s the reason you can’t keep a friend.

Why need a friend when you have Kai, he’s basically your friend, too, right? They want too much of your time, they’re too touchy, they’re too pushy, shouldn’t you be studying? Shouldn’t you be hanging out with him?

You plopped down into your desk chair and placed your head in your hands, your thoughts beginning to overwhelm you again.

ding

Peeking an eye over to your phone, still sitting on your nightstand from where you left it earlier, you reluctantly made your way over to see who was bothering you.

Bon Bon 🥐💗

- ‘Ahhhhh! Sorry I’m not back yet (even though I don’t think you and Kai will mind lolol) I’m just gonna stay at my friends house for the night so don’t worry bout me! Just a late night study sesh gone too long is all :) love ya girlie!’

A sudden wave of loneliness washed over you as you tried not to cry again, you were getting annoyed at how many times you felt like crying tonight.

You stared at her message for a few more moments before finally sending your reply.

- ‘you’re good :) we’re having a late night movie sesh so I’m gonna get back to that! ily 2 see u tmrw ❤️’

You don’t know why you felt like you had to lie, maybe you just didn’t want to have to explain it all right now, or worry her.

You noticed you had a few more messages waiting to be read, too. Although none were from Kai.

Tsukishima :)

4:32 pm

- ‘sorry if I came off weird earlier. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or upset, I just didn’t like how Kai was acting.’

5:01 pm

- ‘by how Kai was acting I mean he just acted like he had a problem with me when we’ve never even met before. I know I antagonized him too though so to be more specific I’m sorry about that.’

- ‘I’m also sorry if I caused friction between you two, let me know if you’re still comfortable with me tutoring you or if you’d rather me find you someone else. I know some pretty nice ones.’

- ‘just to clarify though I personally don’t have a problem continuing to tutor. Don’t want you to think you did anything to upset me.’

You sniffled and glanced up to the small digits in the upper left hand corner of your screen.

11:56 pm

Jesus.

You stared at his texts for a while, unsure of what to say but also relieved at the fact he texted you. Seems like you were worried about Kai spoiling this budding friendship for you more than you thought.

Thursday 12:03 am

- ‘ty for the apology I really appreciate that. It was kind of awkward but Kai also really played into the whole situation so I’m sorry for how he acted too. I’m very okay with you being my tutor still but ty for asking’

- ‘I’m actually free to even study now lol’

- ‘you do still owe me that coffee’

You felt the tiniest of weights lift off your shoulders as you sent your messages. It felt nice knowing-

ding

There’s no way he should be up this late. Doesn’t he have crazy early workouts for volleyball or something?

Tsukishima :)

- ‘ofc. I’m actually at the library now if you want to join me :) same spot as last time’

The fact he replied so quickly was surprising, and his seemingly equal eagerness to see you surprised you even more. But, in a pleasantly surprised kind of way.

You smiled down at your phone, sitting up and slipping your slides on at a lethal pace. It felt good to smile a little bit.

And really, it’s not like you had anything better to do. Plus, being alone right now doesn’t exactly sound like too much fun.

You texted him a quick, “omw!”, before slipping out of your dorm.

You could guess Tsukishima is just as lonely as you are with how quick he seemed to invite you to a study session.

Hmph. Acquaintances my ass.

—————————

Any thoughts on Kai? On y/n and their relationship? ?Any thoughts at all??? Send em my way :)

taglist for series: @plutowrites @c0rncheez @ruetaro @toyas-wife @devilkou @anime-and-kpop-trash @haley-talks-too-much @jiungsfav @sergeant102105 (if you’d like to be added or removed let me know!)

#did you notice how y/n changed Tsukishimas contact beheheheh #TSUKIS KINDA DOWN BAD… LOOK AT ALL THOSE TEXTS OML #hq <3 #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!!#haikyu x reader #tsukishima x reader #hq tsukishima #haikyuu tsukishima #tsukishima x y/n #tsukishima hcs #tsukishima fanfiction #tsuki fluff #tsukishima imagine #tsukishima headcanons #tsukishima kei #tsuki x reader

100 notes · View notes

howlingday · 3 years

Note

nora the arc au) things don't normally get to nora. she's got a thick skin and can always bounce back from basically anything. but she can't help the absolute terror she feels when she remembers the attack. with the nightmares getting worse it's finally jaune's turn to help her. and she should have realized by now that jaune's alot stronger than anyone gives him credit for.

Just A Really Bad Dream

"Jaune?" Nora was alone. It was dark, cold, and empty all around her. As far as she could see, there was nothing. She tried to move, but her legs were stuck. It felt like she was trapped from the waist down by some kind of tree roots.

Suddenly, a light shined on her. It blinded her for a moment, but once she adjusted, she saw her legs were twisted together. She tried to separate them, but she couldn't.

Another light came on. Under the light was Jaune, on his knees and held up by chains. He was shirtless, beaten and bruised, and didn't respond to anything. Beautiful women slithered in from the shadows, each tall, thin, and shapely, and began caressing her husband.

Nora struggled harder against her restraints, but she couldn't break free. One of the women licked his cheek with a long and slimy tongue. Another scraped sharp talons across his skin, making him bleed. A third woman rubbed his thighs, dragging her tongue across his abdominals. She screamed for them to stop.

"They can't hear you." A voice said. She turned and saw the man from that day, looming over her like a tower. "No one can hear you. He is beyond you. You are nothing to him. You are not worthy of his seed, of his live, of his name. You will die the same as you were found, alone and unloved." The figure dropped a white, beeping package and walked away into darkness. "It's time you faced reality. It's time wake up."

The beeping increased at her feet. She reached out to Jaune, but he gave no response. Her pupils became pinpricks as she heard a zip sound from his lower area, one woman tired of waiting. The beeping increased until-

Nora leapt forward with a scream. She panted as she looked at her surroundings. the room was dark, save for the moonlight shining through the window. Pyrrha and Ren shot up from their beds and watched her. Jaune was sitting up next to her.

"Nora, what happened?!" Jaune was panting next to her. She wrapped her arms around her and breathed hefty sobs into his chest. He rubbed her back and hissed soothing shushed to her. "It's okay. It was just a bad dream. It can't hurt you."

Nora shivered against Jaune and refused to let go. She felt a shift and felt herself lifted. He carried her into the bathroom. He turned to turn on the bathroom light, then shut the door.

"I have to pee." He said. "Do you need anything?" She shook her head and let go. He set her down and walked to the toilet.

She breathed calmly now. She stood to her feet and walked to the sink. She turned on the cold water and splashed some on her face. She then noticed she was still wearing her day clothes. She chuckled to herself as took off her shirt and tossed it aside. Her hands moved to her bra strap behind her when a throat was cleared a few feet away fr her.

"Uh, I'm still here, you know." Jaune said sheepishly.

"And?" Nora gave an impish grin as she took off her bra, freeing her chest from it's hot and sweaty constraint. She sighed at the cool air swarming her free skin.

Jaune kept his eyes covered as he blindly walked to the sink. He reached out as he stumbled and finally felt something firm in his grasp. But when he gave it was squeeze, he reeled back from it's softness.

Nora giggled, then grabbed his wrist and guided it to the sink. He sighed in relief at finally reaching his destination.

"Y'know," Nora said, "you kind of stink. You didn't shower after the gym, and you've been sleeping in those same clothes since earlier today." Jaune blushed as he washed his hands. "I was planning on taking a shower, but I don't mind sharing if it's with you."

Jaune stumbled over his words as he reached for a towel to dry his hands. Nora handed him a towel, and fumbled trying to give his thanks. She giggled and kissed his lips.

"I know you're not ready, and, to be honest, I don't think I am, either." Nora said softly. "But I'll wait as long as it takes for you to be ready. I won't force you into anything you don't want to do."

Jaune gulped and hugged her. She hissed as his still cold, damp hands touched her skin. "Sorry."

"Don't be."

"What was your dream about?" He asked.

"It was about you." Nora answered. "I was trapped and I couldn't do anything. These... really pretty girls were all over you, and I couldn't stop them. Then he showed up. He said you didn't need me, and-"

Jaune shoved his tongue deep into Nora's mouth, surprising her. His fingers danced as his hand glided over her bare skin, then found purchase on her rear, where he massaged her ample behind. She squealed under his grasp as he held her. He broke away, panting. "You have no idea how wrong you are," he said, his smouldering gaze leering into her eyes, "and you have no idea how much I need you." He swallowed, and stepped back, moving his hands to hers. "But not yet. Not now." He then looked her up and down, then shivered a sigh. "But soon, if you're ready." He then turned and walked to the door. "I'm gonna grab some fresh clothes for us. Feel free to shower as long as you need to." He stepped out, leaving her alone with... frustration.

She was going to take a shower, alright. And it was going to be a cold one.

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yn-dreamlife · 3 years

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My Perfect Angel

Kai Chisaki (Overhaul) x (F) Reader

Description: After enough people pointing out your insecurities and snap and ask Kai something you thought you never would.

Based off of a tik-tok I saw by h0ney.cos there overhaul cosplay is really good!

Warnings: insecure reader, sweet Kai, angst, fluff fluff fluff, angst again, bullying, reader is Overhauls age, chubby reader, catcalling turned to harassment, fat shaming, mentions of sex (not by Kai)

“Dammit Chisaki why wont you do it?!” I screamed at the man in front of me.

“Why do you want me to so bad?!” He yelled back frustrated. I stood there staring at him chest heaving and heart pounding.

“You don’t understand.” I whisper as I look down at the floor, silently begging the tears not to fall. Not now, not in front of him. I see as his shoes appear in front of me and then I feel his hands gently cup my cheeks.

“Then make me.” He whispers pleadingly as he looks into my eyes.

As I walk down the market place, basket in hand there is a warmth in my chest. I had gotten everything off my checklist and I still had a little money left over! I could probably even buy Kai a little present. Just as I thought that his words from earlier rang in my head.

“Remember if you want to get me a present just buy yourself something instead. I always love to see my angel happy, that alone is better than any gift in the world.”

‘He always is such a charmer.’ A smile makes it’s way to my cheeks. And with that thought I head to a clothing store I passed on my way here. As I walk into the store I smile.

Kai brought me here once, I remember he had pointed out a dress he said I would look beautiful in. By now it should be on sale and I might even have enough money to buy it as a surprise for him!

As I look around the store I’m approached by a young teenage sales lady.

“Hi can I help you?” She asks smiling at me, her voice was friendly but high pitched. I could tell it wasn’t her real voice, it was the voice all people in sales have.

“Oh no im just looking for a dress my boyfriend pointed out to me a little while ago!” I said as I smiled back at her but it quickly vanishes once she speaks again.

“Pfft boyfriend? Are you sure you’re in the right store?” She spoke raising an eyebrow, her voice no longer high and friendly and leaning more towards an accusatory tone.

“I beg your pardon.” I said furrowing my brows, honestly I knew exactly what she meant I was just so taken aback by her rude behavior.

“I’m pretty sure there’s a maternity store a few doors over.” My eyebrows shot up as she had a triumphant smirk on her face.

“How dare you!” I shout at her reeling my hand back to smack her before falling short as I saw people around us laughing while staring at me.

“Go ahead,” she said opening her arms “hit me.” She looked at me challenging me.

I was so angry I pulled a card I never pulled, “I would love to hear what my boyfriend said about this.” I said in a surprisingly calm voice as I crossed my arms.

“Aw you hear that? Shes gonna cry to her boyfriend about it!” The sales lady bust out laughing but it swiftly died the moment my next sentence hit her ears.

“Yes Kai Chisaki, I wonder what he would do if he was here.” She stared at me wide eyed and the laughter from around the store died.

“Kai Chisaki?” One oblivious woman whispered confused.

“He’s the Yakuza, captain of the Shie Hassaikai.” Another whispered to her with a tremble in her voice.

Everyone knew about Kai, or as he was better known Overhaul. And everyone knew he had a girlfriend. The only reason being the last person who hurt me was obliterated on spot, Kai vowed then and there anyone who hurt me, in any way would pay the consequence.

So I usually lived problem free, unless someone didn’t know what I looked like, which happened in this case.

I looked at her pulling off a mock pout, “Aw someones not so brave anymore.” I said my voice laced with fake sympathy. “No sassy words, no witty come backs, no more snide comments?” I waited a moment looking around.

As I did I saw one of the ladies happened to be standing right in front of the dress I wanted. I walked up to her as she trembled, I leaned in close to her face before looking past her and grabbing my size.

As I turned around and walked out I dropped the money next to the rude sales girls, “Shame, I would have loved to see the show.” And with that I left the store.

Truth is, I had told Kai not to do that to anyone else again, and I honestly didn’t enjoy watching the effects of his quirk on people. But they had me worked up in that moment, it felt oddly good to leave them all speechless and shaking where they stood.

I walked through a back alley trying to regain composure before I made it home, but of course luck wasn’t on my side and I was walking past a group of three shady men. Hoping for the best I continued on like I didn’t see them but of course they had to say something, after all it was my lucky day for that.

“Hey there baby.” One man called from behind me as I heard them coming closer.

“Not interested.” I said as I started walking faster.

“Oh come on!” One said as they sped up “We could show you a real good time.” What I’m sure was meant to be seductive came out more threatening, or maybe that’s how it was meant.

After I had said no again the barrage of insults began.

“Well who would want you anyways? You’re just some pig.”

“Yeah your eyes are so dull and your hair so gross, who would want to look at that while having sex?” the second said as I sped up.

The insults didn't stop as I was out of there sight, they only stopped once I was out of earshot.

I ignored the tears threatening to spill. Why am I even crying anyways? It’s just some stupid people, there opinions don’t matter, the only one who does is Kai.

And he loves me just the way I am. ‘....Right?’ the doubt had crept into my mind and the seed was planted.

The seed of doubt, and self hatred. It festered and grew, feeding off of any small microscopic doubt I had ever had. And as it grew it began changing events in my mind. Kai moving me off of him to go to the bathroom was now Kai’s legs where being crushed so bad he had to fake going to the bathroom to rid himself of me.

Our portions being smaller had nothing to do with us needing to go grocery shopping and everything to do with my size. Him pointing out a dress wasn't because of the color but because he didn't like the way I always dressed.

By the time I was home the warmth in my chest was gone, no smile was on my lips and I had thought the tears were gone. I dropped off my basket and immediately went to Kais office.

‘He can make me beautiful,’ I thought. ‘If he uses his quirk on my then he can put me back together as the perfect woman, then I can be beautiful for him.’

The possessions thoughts ran threw my head on a loop as I knocked on his door. When I was told to enter I did so silently.

“Hello there angel!” He said happily moving to pick me up and spin me around.

“Put me down Kai I’m to heavy!” I shouted as he did so.

“Nonsense!” He said as he continued.

“No!,” I said as I wiggled from his grasp. “I am,” I grabbed his hands and took them in my own, “but I don’t have to be.”

“What do you mean y/n/n?” he said squeezing my hands.

“I don’t have to be to heavy, if you use your quirk then you ca-” He cut me off within the second that I mentioned him using his quirk.

“Absolutely not!” He said gasping.

“Please Kai, you can use it and then put me back together as the perfect girl!” I said desperately grabbing at his retreating hands.

“No! Even if I didn’t think you where perfect- which I do! I would never use my quirk on you, to put you threw that pain...” He trailed off.

“Please Kai! I wont be in pain for long! And it wont even be that bad! You cant even be guilty because I’m asking!” I said quickly. All rationality had turned off in my brain.

“No! I wont!” He said determined.

“Plea-”

“No y/n and that’s final!” He spoke eyes firm.

“Dammit Chisaki why wont you do it?!” I screamed at the man in front of me.

“Why do you want me to so bad?!” He yelled back frustrated. I stood there staring at him chest heaving and heart pounding.

“Then make me.” He whispers pleadingly as he looks into my eyes.

--------------------------

Tears slipped down Kai’s cheeks once i was finished just as they did my own. “I-I’m sorry Kai- I just- I just want to be perfect for you so bad.” I sobbed as I fell into his arms.

retelling the events of today was enough to bring my brain a bit more down to earth, yet I still so felt so insecure and unworthy.

“Angel... You already are.” He spoke as he pet my hair gently, his other arm securely going around my waist. “Even if my quirk didn’t bring you pain and I did do it, you would still look exactly as you are now, because this is how I love you.”

I pulled away slightly looking up at him. “Really?” I whispered.

He smiled gently his one hand removing his mask as the other cupped my cheek. I gasped when I watched him drop his gloves and mask to the floor. It was becoming more and more common for Kai to take his gloves off for me and even his mask, but for him to so carelessly drop them on the floor was shocking.

He smiled rubbing my thumb with his cheek, “You’re my angel, there has never and will never be a thing I change about you.” I smiled softly but it faltered a little when he spoke again. “Well there is maybe one thing,” the smile on his face told me it wasn’t anything bad but I couldn’t help but be slightly worried.

“What is it?” I whispered.

“He pressed his forehead against my own before leaning in farther so our lips brushed against each other as he spoke “Your last name.”

I smiled even as our lips connected into a soft kiss, every kiss with him brought butterflies to my stomach because they where always so special. His fear of germs prevented them from happening very often so i always cherished them.

“I love you Kai.” I whisper pulling away so our foreheads where touching.

“And I love you Angel.” it was a sweet moment, just staying in his arms his next words contradicted the gentle brushing of his thumb on my bare waist. “Now where did you say these events happened, and could you give me a description of the people.”

I pulled away raising an eyebrow with a small smile on my face. “Kai,” I said in warning.

“What? Just trying to.... visualize your story better is all.” He said shrugging smiling at his half ass lie.

I laughed smiling wider he always could make me feel better. During my laughter i couldn't see the sparkle in Kais eye as he stared down at me happy to see me smiling and laughing again, even if it only was taken away from him for thirty minutes.

#kai chisaki #kai chisaki x reader #kai chisaki x y/n #overhaul #overhaul x y/n #overhaul x reader #mha #mha x reader #villian x reader #villian x y/n #mha villian x reader #x reader #my hero academia #my hero academia x reader #my hero academia villian #my hero academia villian x reader

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amphtaminedreams · 3 years

Text

Sitting Front Row at...(On a Budget Obvs): Lookbook no.15

Hey to anyone reading!

And welcome to my fave lookbook I’ve done in a longggg ass time! Yes, that’s partially because it involved making collages and doing the low effort work of scouring Vogue Runway for “research purposes”, but I promise, that statement wasn’t made out of COMPLETE laziness-I am super happy with it too. It’s been a good use of pre-part-lockdown-lift time in the interim between that brief period of Christmas celebrations and eateries finally fucking opening again because let’s be honest, I always knew I was gonna get distracted by oat milk vanilla lattes and veggie all day breakfasts once I could actually sit down with them at my fave local cafe. You could say I was very much operating on a self-imposed deadline.

The “what I would wear to sit front row at...[insert designer here]” TikTok/Instagram reel trend was something I wanted to get on board with ever since I first saw one and whilst the option of doing my own live action take-I really cannot bear the thought of having to edit footage of myself awkwardly attempting to sit nonchalantly in front of a camera for hours on end-was off the cards considering my complete lack of screen presence, I decided a Tumblr text post would work just as well, and if not even better in a way. Given the absence of the time limitations you face when you’re making a reel or a TikTok I thought it’d be cool to present the looks as part of a mini moodboard for each designer which adds a bit of context to each look even if you aren’t familiar with their past collections and establishes the general vibe of the brand I’m attempting to replicate. Not to sound snotty or as if I am the font of all knowledge on anything high fashion related but even with my amateur knowledge I noticed that as the video trend took off and was adopted by big name influencers, it became less about the average person putting their own personal spin on the aesthetic of the labels we can’t ordinarily afford and more about them building outfits that only vaguely resemble the general public perception of the brand around the real corresponding (and often gifted and thus inaccessible to someone who doesn’t makes thousands for a sponsored post) pieces they own SO I thought I’d take the trend back to its roots and get a bit resourceful. All that being said, in no particular order, here are the outfits I would wear to sit front row at Gucci, Vera Wang, Miu-Miu, Marc Jacobs, Dolce & Gabbana, Brock Collection, Alexander McQueen, Etro, Burberry aaaand Saint Laurent based on their past collections and guess what? They didn’t cost a shit tonne of money :-)

-disclaimer: will include an asterisk before any new purchases if from a high street store though to be honest, I don’t think there are any, we shall see! I do include where I got old purchases from in case anyone wants to search anything on Depop/Ebay-

1. Saint Laurent (formerly Yves Saint Laurent)

-blazer from identityparty on Depop, pleather trousers from Zara, jewellery from Dolls Kill-

I know technically abbreviating Saint Laurent to YSL doesn’t really make much sense anymore given the brand’s name change in 2012, but I’ll always think of it as that in the same way I’ll always associate it with the slightly dishevelled yet simultaneously glitzy rock n’ roll aesthetic. The thing is, whilst YSL hasn’t done anything wildly out of the box for a long time, it’s rare they put a look on the runway that I wouldn’t wear; they never end up being a fashion week standout but the Parisienne take on grunge we’ve seen Anthony Vaccarello establish as his go-to will always have a place in my heart.

2. Alexander McQueen

-embroidered leather jacket from Ebay (originally Topshop), harness from Amazon, dress from ASOS, boots from Koi Vegan Footwear-

Alexander McQueen is a brand that is pretty much universally liked, from the historically extravagant and groundbreaking shows the man himself put together to Sarah Burton’s more toned down but still beautiful collections. Obviously I didn’t attempt to do justice to the former, so I tried my hand at putting together a look inspired by Sarah’s blend of delicate femininity and nomadic edge, and it went...okay? Like it’s definitely not my favourite of all the looks because it does give off slightly cheap copycat vibes buuut outside of the context of this lookbook it’s cute.

3. Brock Collection

-boater hat from Ebay, midi skirt from morganogle on Depop, corset top from ownmode_, heels from amybeckett1, bag from Primark-

Brock isn’t as well known a brand as most of the others in this list but I adore everything Laura Vassar Brock does and I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to try and channel the vision of one of the OG pioneers of the cottagecore vibe through my own wardrobe. I mean fr, this woman’s work as a steady provider of meadow photoshoot worthy dresses and corsets and skirts is v slept on and I will not stand for it. I will sit in front of a camera and then write a paragraph in my blog post begging anybody who reads to give LVB (an abbreviation I acknowledge is unlikely to catch on because Lisa Vanderpump anybody?) some form of acknowledgement for her services to period romance novel inspired moodboards everywhere.

4. Marc Jacobs

-coat from House of Sunny, white shirt from Retro World Camden, co-ord from Sugar Thrillz, bag from Poppy Lissiman-

If there’s one thing Marc Jacobs always does, it’s COMMITS. TO. HIS. THEME. I just KNOW he has a secret Pinterest with separate boards for every fashion era of the 20th century and he is putting those boards to good use providing us with collections that are as immersive as they are eclectic year in year out.

5. Miu Miu

-beret from H&M, hair clips from H&M, jewellery from Primark, coat from mollyyemmaa on Depop, shirt from YesStyle, sweater vest from YesStyle, skirt from Depop, diamanté belt from Brandy Melville, shoes from Koi Vegan Footwear-

We all like to talk about Bratz dolls and Monster High dolls and Barbies as fashion inspo but can we all focus on Cabbage Patch dolls for two secs so as to acknowledge the fact that a Miu Miu collection is basically all their fits grown up? And made boujie as fuck? If I want my fix of Wes Anderson meets Scream Queens (what a combo) inspired outfits, if I want prissy and girlish but also glam, if I want to look like a bratty rich girl whose one redeeming quality is her eye for vintage clothes, I know where to look and that is the Miu Miu section of Vogue Runway.

6. Vera Wang

-blazer as in no.1, velvet bralet from catdegaris on Depop, harness from Amazon, skirt from Ebay, knee high socks from Ebay, lace up boots from Ebay-

Vera Wang’s RTW aesthetic, a blend of the ethereal, ultra-feminine bridal designs she’s known for and British style punk rock influences, is something I feel has only become firmly established in recent years but it is everything I ever wanted and more. I always find myself trying to balance the part of me that loves everything girly and delicate and pretty and the part of me that would love to be in a biker gang and Vera’s collections are always an inspirational reminder of just how well it can be done.

7. Burberry

-coat from charity shop, suit from emmafisher3 on Depop, top from simranindia, shirt underneath from Zara, jewellery from ASOS-

Now I’m not gonna lie, I’m not the biggest fan of Burberry but there have been a few looks over the past few years I’ve really liked and as someone who owns numerous trench coats, high necks and way too much plaid, I thought it’d be an easy one to replicate. Plus, if you can count on Riccardo Tisci for nothing else you at least can rely on him giving you some layering inspo which is very much needed in a country where it literally just snowed in April and where my plans for today have just been cancelled because the iPhone weather app did a Karen Smith and didn’t predict rain for today right up until it started raining so thanks for that one British meteorologists. Your incompetence strikes again.

8. Etro

-corset from Urban Outfitters, vinyl trench coat from Topshop, boots from Ebay, black slip dress from kaoanaoleinik on Depop, fur trim afghan coat from louisemarcella-

Like with Brock Collection, Etro isn’t a hugely well known brand, but it is always one of my favourites-to add a spanner into the works of any attempts to cultivate a firm sense of personal style, I live for the ornate Bohemian look that Etro does so well just as much as I love both grungy and girly pieces, and so I really wanted to include a brand whose collections go down that route. It was a toss-up between this and Zimmerman, the flirtier, free spirit counterpart to the dark romance of Veronica Etro’s designs; her vision really shines through the most when it comes to the brand’s winter collections, imo, and given that I live in a country where winter or some weather state resembling it does seem to take up 70% of the year, I did decide on channelling her work rather than that of the equally talented Nicky and Simone Zimmermann this time round.

9. Dolce & Gabbana

-flower crown from ASOS, tiara from Amazon, earrings from YesStyle, dress from alicealderdice1 on Depop, opera gloves from Ebay, boots from Koi Vegan Footwear-

D&G is a brand I felt really conflicted about doing-I don’t include their current collections in my fashion week reviews based on the actions of designers Stefano Gabbana and Domenico Dolce over the last few years because I don’t want to mitigate the collective effort of fashion critics to push them towards irrelevancy. Though people like to claim the brand has turned a corner since Lucio Di Rosa was brought on board as the manager of celebrity and VIP relations last year (they are as prolific a force on red carpet fashion as ever), we haven’t seen any real meaningful apologies or reparations made by Dolce and Gabbana themselves which once again leaves us in the all too familiar quandary of whether or not we can separate the art from the artist especially when it is far too much of a simplification to only credit the two men for their work given there’s a whole design team behind them. There are a LOT of shitty people working in fashion, the whole industry is a bit of a cesspit if we’re honest, but I don’t think that should stop us from at least being able to appreciate old collections if we make sure we aren’t engaging in any kind of promotion of current works whilst doing so. D&G are a brand of high highs and low lows, with looks that range from hideously ugly to showstoppingly beautiful in a single show-when the looks are good, they are GOOD-and their presence in the fashion world is most definitely felt whether we want it to be or not. It would just be shit to refuse to recognise the existence of some real iconic runway moments, the practical work that went into the ornate detail and opulence that helped cement D&Gs place in sartorial history, the styling that’s made goddesses and fairytale queens out of modern day women as they’ve glided down catwalks, the far more extravagant and, let’s be real, sexier version of our world D&G shows have transported us to in the past. Will I talk about D&G ever again? No, and if you Google the scandals their brand has faced over the past few years, there are more than enough reasons why, but just this once I did want to pay homage to some of the collections, the snippets of which I saw on my Tumblr dashboard back when I was about 13, that first got me into fashion.

10. Gucci

-fur coat from Topshop, clips from Zaful, glasses from Ebay, dress from gracewright246 on Depop, shirt from Boohoo, blazer from charity shop-

Now last but, if you ever read any of my fashion week reviews (the likelihood of someone actually having read one of them and reading this is incredibly, incredibly slim lol, I wouldn’t read me either) you’ll know, definitely not least, is Gucci because Alessandro Michele comes through every!! single!! time!!

The man is truly the king of quirky throwback maximalism and it hurts my heart that a lot of people seem to think of it only as a brand associated with ostentatious displays of wealth. Year after year since Michele was made creative director he has released purposeful, fully-fleshed out collections which unravel themselves to us on the runway like time capsules containing the belongings of the rich and whimsical and yes that can sometimes result in outfits which are *ahem* a bit mismatched but it doesn’t matter because through fashion he manages to take us to a vivid version of the past where people could dress as freely and lavishly as they wanted to, into the wardrobe of a person unaffected by the side-eyeing of others. You get the impression he doesn’t design so much as plays around with some kind of enchanted dress up box and takes inspiration from there and to give that impression is only a credit to his talent-to make outfits so kooky and extravagant look like they were meant to be takes a boldness and genuine love for clothes that I do tend to feel a lot of the big name designers have lost in the pursuit of profit and the necessary placating of the dying customer base that keeps that coming in. Of course I'm not for a second saying Gucci does not care about profit, but at the very least, they have on board a creative director who genuinely has fun with what they’re putting out there and wants to make a statement too and that really shows; you can rest on your laurels and sell tweed boucle jackets to rich old white women for eternity but nobody’s going to mention your brand name and the word groundbreaking in the same sentence ever again unless they’re talking about what it was a century ago, you know (mentioning no names...unless...did I hear someone say Chanel)? That feels like such a shady way to end, lol, but I’m sure said brand will survive-to be fair, they’ve been included in every other What I’d Wear to Sit Front Row At video I’ve seen so although I’m always slagging them off for doing the saaaaame thinggggg year after year, for that same reason their aesthetic is instantly recognisable and so will always be a source of imitation. There are obviously pros and cons to being a brand which constantly reinvents itself but I think it’s totally possible to do that whilst maintaining an overall mission, and Alessandro Michele’s work at Gucci demonstrates that with ease.

Anyway, if you got to here, thanks for reading! I know I’m super behind on this whole TikTok trend and I know a Tumblr post instead of a video is a bit of a cop out but all the real, physically awkward ones out there know that watching yourself back is excruciating lmao, so I hope this does the trick. After this, I’m gonna get back to the reviewing S/S21 collections post though knowing me I’ll probs take a few days to get back into that because I feel like since I left full-time education (RIP me going back in a few months) writing continuously like this for any longer than about 15 mins fries what brain cells I have left. Again, thank you for reading and if you are, sending many good vibes your way! Stay safe!

Lauren x

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imagines-mha · 4 years

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class 1-B and night routines

Monoma: if monoma doesn’t annoy at least 2 people per night he simply will not sleep. Wears the comfiest pyjamas- like a 100% cotton top and plaid pj bottoms and everyones so fuckin jealous. He tells everyone he has a 16 step self-care routine he does every night but he really just brushes his teeth and then sits on his phone for like 2 hours? Ike what do you GET out of lying???

Tetsutetsu: he thinks going to bed after 11pm is criminal. Literally doesn’t understand the cryptidcrew™️ who DONT MF SLEEP. Works out before bed which is 👌🏻👌🏻 OOF. Aw hes the type of friend to make everyone tea and toast and send them asmr videos if they cant sleep i love him. He usually spends his night dancing around with pony and working off all his ENERGY

Kendo: “yall im turning into bed i’m too tired for this shit” “kendo it’s 7pm”

My girl will retire to her room as early as she can (usually with the rest of the girls) and she just RELAXES. Like self-care to the max: paints her nails, watches tv, plans her tomorrow, showers. She’s usually asleep at 10pm and wakes up the next morning full energy I want what she has

Awase: he has the WORST sleep schedule like fr. Literally sits up on tiktok until 3am and he’s just like “oh shit i’m up at 7…” *continues scrolling* like bro GET UR ASS TO BED U HAVE TRAINING AT 6AM. His night routine ain’t anything special- he sleeps in sweats and always keeps his window open (although someone told him about banshees once and now hes lowkey terrified lmao)

Kaibara- the type to fall asleep on the sofa and wake up at 4 in the morning to find tsuburaba in the kitchen eating a full course meal and he just SIGHS and goes up to bed in the worst mood bc why tf are his friends so WEIRD. Likes to watch the stars and edit pictures before he sleeps- its so therapeutic to him and also productive so he’s winning

Rin- he drinks coffee every night after midnight and then goes “oh my fuck shit i just drank coffee why am i like this” like congrats u fuckin dumbass now u ain’t gonna sleep. And he never fuckin learns. Always does his hw at like 11pm, Also stays up way too late binge-watching star wars smh

Tsuburaba: he gets up every night and treats himself to a three-course meal in the kitchen no cap no sound awareness my man will be blending shit full blast at 2 in the morning. Usually falls asleep sitting at the kitchen table and he 👏🏻 needs 👏🏻 a 👏🏻 chiropractor 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻. Also always forgets to do his homework until everyone’s packing up to go to bed and hes like “please,, anyone,, the math?”. Shoda wants to punch him so bad

Ibara: the most well-structured person in the entire building. At 7pm she has her shower, at 8:30pm she goes to pray, at 9:30pm she journals and draws to calm her mind, and at 10pm she meditates until she falls asleep- which is usually 10:20pm.. Everyone wants her self control and independance like damn how does she FUNCTION. Also queen of vegan self-care remedies

Pony: girl is chaotic as fuck it’ll be like 10pm and rin’s like “yo pony can i copy the hw??” And shes like “WHAT HOMEWORK.” . *cue two idiots freaking tf out*. She’s always wearing matching pj sets and fluffy socks and loves sliding around in them like a dork. Dances every night before bed to tire herself out like shes just in the lounge deadass vibing to taylor swift and a new person joins her everytime . people would be dead without her

Kodai: movies every night or she won’t go to class the next morning. Shes always just sitting on her phone w earphones in like she has absoloutely no time to deal with monoma’s shit so she just peaces tf out of existence. Cutest pyjamas ever i love her pyjama queen. The go-to girl for homework she just leaves her bag open, as long as u return it shes cool

Tokage: oh my god shes so CRYPTIC and FOR WHAT. Pranks pranks pranks pranks pranks. everyone hates her for it and she loves it so bad. Like she has the balls to prank kamakiri and that TAKES BALLS LET ME JUST SAY . she’ll just leave her body parts in people’s beds and its SO annoying. They usually just pick up her stray arm and fling it at the wall in revenge then act confused the next morning when she complains abt the bruises

Komori: cryptic as fuck. Does she sleep? Why is she always sitting at the table? What is she doing? . Closes her tabs whenever someone comes into the dining room and just stares at them til they leave again like :)). In the garden every night til she can’t bear the coldness- watches the stars and makes flower crowns and worships the moon i love her

Kuroiro: nighttime is the time he just evaporates like where tf is he like 🙄🙄 reel it in randy from monsters inc . Hiding in the walls and listening to everyones conversations and secrets is his only skill in life . Everyone thinks he doesn’t sleep and just wanders around (he does, he just likes to have an edgy reputation)

Kamakiri- did you hear that?? oh its just kamakiri fistfighting monoma in the hallway again. Fr takes no prisoners he needs his beauty sleep (or idk do bugs sleep lmao??). If you’re in his way while he’s RAMPAGING to his room youre dead bro when i say he takes bedtime routines seriously i MEAN it. He does self-care and tells NOONE but its lowkey cute idk lmao why do i have a crush on a bug lemme call my therapist real quick

Bondo- 9pm. Wind down time. A good book is all my mans needs and he’ll be out for the count in absolutely no time at all. Fukidashi will die jealous and bondo fucking loves it. Milks tf out of it too he’s like YAWN I AM SO TIRED OFF TO BED NOW TO SLEEP PEACEFULLY GOODNIGHT and everyone who WISHES they could sleep as early as that wants him to choke

Manga- king of never having hw done until 1am at the earliest 🤡. He lives on 1 hour sleep most nights and his speech bubble just says “no <3” until like 11am. Its cus of his crippling hyperactivity he’s running the halls at 3am practicing the entire mamma mia choreography ffs fukidashi U HAVE A CAREER AHEAD OF U

Reiko: energy drink addiction 101 if she doesn’t drink monster every night before bed she’s convinced she’ll die. “I sleep all day and party all night” she says, crying over math hw at 2am. Plays music too loud and has LED strobelites on ALL NIGHT. Shes deadass doing witchcraft in the lounge w komori all night during finals week she doesnt give a single fuck x

Shishida: another reader,, mans will finish an entire book in a night by the force of sheer willpower alone. Takes a bath every night and it makes his fur so fluffy and smell like apples smdnwjdnwd. Perfect snuggle buddy for wintertimes (pony LOVES HIM) and he’s that good man who carries tsuburaba to bed when he falls asleep at the kitchen table

Shoda: “please don’t speak to me while im doing my homework im 👌🏻 this close to having a mental breakdown and all it takes is a single poke to reel me over the edge.” Complains all day about being tired then goes to bed at 2am?? Like no shit ofc ur tired bitch . Always up for a deep talk at night he knows EVERYTHING abt EVERYONE and hes so trustworthy hed never tell a soul

Honenuki: he meal preps and does yoga before bed 🤢 like WHO HAS THAT MOTIVATION. Irons and sets his uniform out for the next day before getting his homework FINISHED by 9pm . He’s pretty flexible w what he does at nights it 100% depends on his mood. Usually he’s helping Tokage with pranks or working out w tetsutetsu tho. Used to annoy people who were up doing hw after 11 like “really tsuburaba? You should be ashamed”. Shoda almost DECKED him once for it tho and he was #traumatised and never did it again

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doc-pickles · 4 years

Text

never thought i’d see it break

okay listen.... i am sorry for this fic, mainly because i know some of y’all are going to drag me into the ground for this. but i wanted to write some angst and while it might not be super angsty in theory it definitely counts because our favorite idiots don’t end up together. like at all. so once again, sorry for any mental anguish i may cause, i promise i’ll make it up to you guys tomorrow.

also i cried writing this so good luck

Halloween 2020

She really didn’t think that the day would hit her so hard. The days leading up to it had been uneventful, the decorations lining the halls at work not fazing her in the slightest as she went about her daily routine. But when Jo woke up on Halloween morning, it felt like the past year of her life was slapping her in the face. The cold harsh reality of her husband up and leaving her sat deep in the pit of her stomach, her mind reeling as she laid in bed.

“Are you getting up today,” Levi looked at Jo from his position on the couch, eyeing her warily. “Because I had plans but I can cancel them.” “Get out, go away,” Jo’s monotone voice was barely above a mumble as she stared menacingly at Levi. “Let me wallow once again in the realization that my marriage has failed and I will probably die alone. Or with you. Can’t tell which of those is worse.”

Levi blew out a short breath, gathering his things and letting Jo know he was going to hang out with Nico for the day. Once the door to the loft was closed and locked, Jo reached beneath her bed and pulled out a large black box. Pulling the lid off, her breath caught in her throat as she took in the contents of the box.

Laying on top was a ratty tshirt, one that Jo had once religiously worn as she climbed into bed every night. The faded Iowa State logo stared up at her with a menacing aura, the memories that came with it too painful for Jo to relive. She set it aside and reached for the photo album below it, the dusty jacket brandishing a name she’d wished she could forget but rang through her mind everyday.

The Karev’s.

She knew it was torture, opening the book up to look at photos of a day that was once happy and beautiful but now filled her eyes with tears, but she did it anyways. The shades of blue and yellow that graced the pages, the smiling faces of their friends, of him, were like a glowering unwanted sign that her life had taken a detour that she had neither wanted nor anticipated. It didn’t help that there was a Polaroid tucked into the back page, her and Alex grinning at the camera with fake blood and vampire fangs adorning their faces.

Hastily shoving the photobook and shirt back into the box, Jo ignored the numerous photos, ticket stubs, letters, and other memorabilia from the years she’d spent with Alex and shoved the box back under the bed. Why she’d thought taking it out was a good idea she would never know, but the feeling that had been blossoming when she woke up was now taking over her entire chest in a painful display.

How had her life been so different a year ago? Sure it wasn’t ever picture perfect, her and Alex had their differences but they’d always worked through whatever was thrown at them together. His dad, DeLuca, Paul, him getting fired, her mom… every single problem they’d faced in their seven years together had been done exactly like that, together. Whether by choice or by reluctant agreement, the two were always there for one another, but apparently ex wives with two children she kept a secret for five years was where they drew the line. Where Alex drew the line.

Knowing she wouldn’t be doing the laundry that was piling up or scrubbing the sinks that needed some TLC, Jo settled back into bed, eyes watering as she scooted to the right side of the bed and clutched the now unused pillow that lay there. It didn’t smell like him any longer, but the comfort of holding the fabric to her chest still held.

That’s where Meredith found her hours later, tear stains across her cheeks as she slept through the afternoon. A heavy sigh left the blonde as she settled onto the edge of the bed, one hand patting Jo’s shoulder affectionately as she woke.

“Schmitt texted, he said you were wallowing in misery so I figured that was a cry for help,” Meredith let out a chuckle at Jo’s angry expression. “Come on, you can come take the kids trick or treating with me, it’ll be a good distraction.”

“I don’t want to move,” Jo mumbled into her pillow, eyes barely moving to meet Meredith’s. “I want to lay here until I sink so far into the mattress that no one can ever find me again.” “Jo, it’s been months. And I know it’s not easy, but you’ve been so strong through all of this, I’d hate to see one day ruin everything for you,” Jo sighed at Meredith’s words, knowing her friend was right. “If you get up now I will pour wine into a tumbler for you to drink while we walk around.” “Fine,” Jo rolled out of bed, glaring at Meredith as she did so. “But I’m only getting up for the wine.”

Halloween 2023

“You know I don’t normally interact with other humans on Halloween.”

Jo stood in the doorway of her apartment, a grin on her face as she looked at the man in front of her. His grin was threatening to overtake his face as he leaned down and kissed her sweetly, one arm wrapping around her waist, “I brought beer and scary movies, will you let me in now?”

“Okay fine, only because of the beer and not because I like you so much,” Jo rolled her eyes and opened the door fully, letting Jack into the apartment and locking the door behind him. “Please tell me you have Scream in your collection, otherwise I don’t think this is gonna work out.”

Jack pulled out the aforementioned DVD case, eliciting a cheer from Jo as he set up the movie. She really didn’t think she’d been this happy in a long time, the feeling of happiness bubbling in her chest as she grabbed popcorn an altogether new experience.

When she’d picked up a Safe Haven baby from Station 19 four months ago, she hadn’t expected to have an hour and a half long conversation with Jack Gibson, who’d been sitting with the little girl before she’d arrived. Their conversation flowed so easily that the two had picked it up over dinner that night and the rest was history.

She hadn’t seen anyone since Alex left, she hadn’t wanted to waste time on something that was going to leave her heartbroken again because she just couldn’t do that. But the connection she felt with Jack was real and exciting and something Jo hadn’t realized she’d needed until she had it. It almost distracted her from the fact that today her and Alex should be celebrating four years of marriage together. Almost.

“Are you dazing out again over there,” Jack’s voice was light and cheery, but Jo could see the concern etched on his face as soon as he took a good look at her. “Hey, what’s wrong? We can watch Poltergeist if that’s what you want.”

A heavy sigh left Jo as she realized that she’d have to tell someone else exactly why today was one of her least favorite days of the year. Of course Jack knew that she was divorced, he’d met Alex once or twice when bringing in patients but he didn’t know everything. It wasn’t something that you should burden your partner with four months into your relationship, the ways that you failed in your previous marriage.

“I was married. Obviously. And we got married on Halloween, so that’s why I don’t like being around people today, because it still sucks,” Jo’s gaze was concentrated on her fingers as she spoke, not wanting to see the pitiful expression on Jack’s face as she relayed her tragic backstory. “And I didn’t really wanna bring it up because you… you are the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time and I don’t want to ruin that by talking about my failed marriage.”

Eyes finally flitting up to look at Jack, Jo was startled to find empathy instead of pity in his expression. She knew he’d had a rough upbringing like her, that neither of them had been handed anything they had in life, but the unexpected compassion and Jack showed her always took her by surprise.

“You are a badass. And for the record, you’re the best thing that’s happened for me in quite awhile too,” Jack wrapped his arms around Jo and brought her into his chest, pressing a kiss into her hair. “Would it make you feel better if we played a drinking game and got ridiculously drunk?”

“You know me so well,” Jo giggled as her eyes met Jack’s, his green eyes sparkling with that same sense of compassion that he always wore so brightly when he was around her.

The two settled in for a night filled with laughter, shots, and scary movies as Jack cracked jokes all night, making sure that the smile on her face never left. For once Jo didn’t feel like the day consisted of her replaying all of her past mistakes. Instead, for the first time in a long time, Halloween felt like a new beginning.

Halloween 2025

“Oh man it is too early to be awake,” Jo’s groans echoed through the empty fire station, her feet leading her towards the soft voices she heard. “Hello? Anyone here?”

“We’re in here,” a smirk played onto Jo’s face at the sound of her boyfriend's voice, not expecting to see him today. “Hey there.”

“Hey yourself, who do you have there,” Jo walked further into the room that Jack sat in, a tiny bundle settled in his arms. She peeked over his shoulder, taking in the dark curls and soft features of the baby he held. “Well aren’t you a cutie. How long have you had her?”

“Just an hour or so, she’s been perfectly calm,” Jack looked up to Jo, gladly accepting the kiss she placed on his lips. “Usually by now they’re screaming at me, but this one hasn’t wanted anything except snuggles.”

“Maybe you’ve just got the magic touch with this one,” Jo settled into the chair across from Jack, giggling at the faces he pulled as he tried to entertain the baby. “She seems content there.”

“It sucks, she’s got no family and she doesn’t even get to celebrate her first holiday,” Jack’s finger ran across the baby’s cheek, eliciting a quiet coo from the little girl. “Oh I know sweetheart, maybe if you’re lucky the nice doctors will sneak you a lollipop.”

Jo’s heart leapt at the sight before her, fingers twisting the silver chain across her neck. She’d been to the fire station to pick up babies more than she’d like to say in the past few years, but seeing the tiny infants cradled in Jack’s arms always made her heart burst.

“How do you feel about stealing a baby,” Jack’s eyes widened as they met Jo’s, a grin taking over her face at the shocked look he wore. “Cmon, trust me on this one. It’ll just be for a little bit, plus you’re off now right?”

“Yes, but now I’m concerned about what my girlfriend has planned for this poor innocent baby.” +

“I give you about ten minutes of this before someone calls you out and we get arrested,” Jack’s eyes nervously flitted around the bustling Peds ward. “I will give you props though, she looks pretty cute.” Jo turned from the sight of children running down the hospital halls to the infant in Jack’s arms. They’d stopped at Target before coming to the hospital, grabbing a pumpkin costume to put on the newborn before they took her around the Peds ward to trick or treat. Jack and Jo both knew that they were being a little silly, but they wanted the little girl to have at least one day where she felt loved.

“Of course she does, she’s the cutest little baby in the world. Aren’t you Hallie? Yes you are,” Jo grabbed the infant’s foot, looking up to Jack who was staring her down with an unamused expression. “What? She needed a name and I watched Parent Trap last night. Plus it’s kind of fitting, Hallie… Halloween… Oh you’re just a party pooper!”

“Jo! What’re you doing here,” Link sauntered up to Jo and Jack with a smile, sleeping baby strapped to his chest. “Woah who's baby is that? Did you hide a pregnancy from me for nine months?”

Jo’s eyes widened as she stared her best friend down, lightly slapping his arm, “No you idiot, this is Hallie. She’s a Safe Haven baby, but we wanted to dress her up and let her have some fun before we turned her over.”

Links gaze floated from the baby still cuddled against Jack to Jo who was perfectly settled into his side. He held his hand out, a knowing smirk on his face, “Give me your phone, I’ll take a picture of you guys.”

Without hesitation, Jo handed the object over and both her and Jack wore bright smiles as Link snapped the picture. He handed the phone back, both adults leaning in to look at the photo in awe.

“I give you about a week,” Link chuckled, both Jo and Jack too caught up in the infant with them to notice his words. “I’ll see you guys later!”

Jo absentmindedly waved her friend off, grabbing Hallie from Jack’s arms and bringing her to her own chest. The little girl blinked up at Jo before settling contentedly against her, eyes closing in a matter of seconds.

“You know, she seems pretty content with us,” Jo looked up from the baby to her boyfriend with wide eyes, not believing the words she was hearing. “What? She does, she’s barely cried since I got her this morning and looks so comfy snuggled up with you.”

“You are pretty cute, I’m just gonna sneak you out and take you home,” Jo squeezed the hand of the infant, looking up at Jack who was staring at her with an awed look. “What? Do I have baby spit up on me?”

“Nothing, you just look good. You’re a natural,” Jack brought Jo back into his side, pressing a kiss to her head. “I love you.” “I love you too,” Jo laughed as the baby burped loudly before settling herself back against Jo. “And I think she likes you too.”

Halloween 2030

“Bailey, I just finished my charts and I am heading out,” Jo sighed as she set her arms on the nurses station, head leaning warily against one hand. “I’m off for the rest of the day, I’m just going to check on Mr. Olsen in the ER before I duck out. Pretty sure my kids are driving their dad nuts and the addition of sugar tonight won’t help with that.”

Bailey let a laugh out, dismissing Jo for the day and letting the younger woman know she wasn’t needed the next day. A sigh left her as she climbed into the elevator with her purse in tow, Jo finally feeling a small sense of relief.

“You are not making my job easier, you’re much more troublesome than your brother,” Jo settled one hand onto her growing baby bump, a strong kick meeting her hand as she rolled her eyes. “Typical. You’re going to have your sister's attitude aren't you?”

The elevator dinged loudly, bringing Jo away from her conversation with her unborn child and into the real world. As she stepped off the elevator, her hands dug into her purse in search of her phone. She’d finally dug it out when she ran straight into whoever was walking in front of her.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I was ju-,” the air in Jo’s lungs left suddenly, as if it had been sucked away by a vacuum as she met the eyes of the person she’d bumped into. “Oh my god. Alex.”

Alex Karev, ten years older than when she’d seen him last, was standing not even two feet in front of Jo. Her heart was hammering as she stared at her ex husband, his presence the last thing she’d expected, especially today of all days.

“Hey Jo, good to see you,” hearing his voice almost brought tears to Jo’s eyes as she stared dumbly up at Alex. “I’m working on a case with Hayes for the week. You look good, happy… round.”

A small laugh escaped Jo then, her hand falling to her bump as she finally found her voice again, “Yeah, this one kinda popped out right away. Between that and my constant morning sickness, I couldn’t hide being pregnant for very long.”

“I’m glad, that you’re uh happy, that’s good to hear,” Jo watched Alex’s eyes flit to the wedding set on her left hand, then back up to her.

“Mama!”

Both Alex and Jo turned toward the excited voice sounding down the hallway, a head full of black curls flying past Alex as the little girl they belonged to wrapped her arms around Jo’s legs. A second shorter head of messy brown hair crashed into Jo’s legs, laughter escaping her as she tried to wrangle both children, “Okay you two, mom can’t breathe!”

“Sorry, they escaped as soon as I walked through the door,” Jack appeared next to Jo a second later, pressing a kiss to her cheek before turning to Alex. If he was shocked to see the man, he hid it well as he extended his hand towards him. “Hey, Jack Gibson. Alex, right?” “Yeah, nice to meet you,” Alex shook Jack’s hand with a small smile, Jo’s heart skipping a beat at the unusual sight. “You guys have some good looking kids.”

Jo laughed, her face lighting up as she looked at the two children now preoccupied with a game of tag, “I can’t take all the credit, Max is Jack’s clone and Hallie just kinda… fell into our laps. She’s got my attitude though, if that counts for anything.” “That counts for everything, you know she uses that to get whatever she wants,” Jack slung his arm around Jo’s shoulder as she leaned into him, her hand coming back to her burgeoning stomach. Jo could tell Alex was watching them, but she didn’t have the words to verbalize how odd it made her feel.

“I gotta go, but it was nice to meet you Jack,” Alex waved his hand at the other man, before turning to Jo. Their eyes met for a second and it almost felt like that day eleven years ago standing in a courtroom in the most ridiculous costumes. Jo’s throat tightened as she offered a watery smile to Alex, his own eyes glassy as they finally broke away from hers. “It was good to see you again Jo, it really is good to see you happy.”

Jo could only nod, lifting her hand in a wave to Alex, “You too Alex. Have a good stay.” Alex turned and left then, Jo’s eyes watching him until he turned a corner and was out of her view. The sight tugged at her heart strangely, her mind bringing up the image of him walking into an airport so many years ago and never turning around. She doesn’t realize there’s tears floating down her face until Jack nudges her lightly.

“You okay?” “Yeah,” Jo swipes at the tears that have pooled on her cheeks, turning to Jack with a smile. She leans up to press a kiss to his lips, holding on a bit longer than she normally would in public before pulling and meeting his green eyes with her brown. “I’m perfectly fine, just another Halloween. You guys ready to go?” Jack pauses for a moment, holding Jo’s stare before turning back to their kids who are still running around the hallway, “Yup, we just came to pick you up before we headed to Meredith’s. Hallie! Max! Let’s move it!” The two kids followed Jack and Jo out of the hospital, a string of laughter following the family as they made their way into the chilly Seattle air. Jo’s eyes lingered on the trauma bay as they left, remembering a day so long ago it felt like another lifetime when she’d first met the man she’d been married to. A swift kick to her ribs pulled her out of her thoughts, her fingers squeezing Jack’s as they made their way through the parking lot.

Just another Halloween….

#jolex #jolex halloween #alex karev #jo wilson #jo karev #jo x alex #jolex fanfic #jolex fic #greys anatomy #greys anatomy fanfic #nina writes

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riseofthecommonwoodpile · 4 years

Text

Warehouse of Prayers by Laura Kasischke

It’s dark in here. Please, let me out.

No, I hear him say. I want to show you. And to see it, you have to stay.

And, O, I saw it then. So many prayers. Who could answer them all? And yet

what god would have the heart to toss them out?

Yes, he says, I know. It terrifies. The silence, and the din. The tremendous weight of them. It defies

anything you might think or say

about sound about size.

But, yes, of course. Of course I’ve kept them all.

“We had gone for a walk in the dark.

Of all things, I was deeply in love with my husband! Then

something silent I couldn’t see crept out of the darkness, and bit his hand.”

The beauty of it. The great

beauty. The true beauty of it. The beauty beyond—

It’s

bitten me. I’m bleeding.

In the dark one night you felt around for your blue scarf. Its blue diffusion. Its shameless would-be sky. But it was gone.

Gone, with your watch, and your wallet, and those cheap beads. How

strange to understand, so suddenly

that none of it was yours. Not

a snippet, not a glimpse, not a bit, not

even the dust that had gathered

Amishly on it for years.

And the green lawn rolls, and the green lawn rolls to the foot of it all, to the foot of it all

telling the story of a world created by a god, who wanted to be loved but did not like to talk.

“We predicted this. Something

strapped to the chest of a child. Light pouring up from holes in the ground. A fountain

run dry, and a mild-mannered man on a rampage in July.

Still, we were confused. We

thought we’d looked for this trouble everywhere, and

never found a thing. We

believed there’d be more warning, despite the many warnings. We

deeply believed a mistake had been made.”

10.

Then, in the morning, a mannequin sitting in the rain on the neighbor’s porch. The rain on the mannequin, like so many kisses bestowed upon a corpse.

11.

No. (He takes my hand. He opens a door.)

12.

Wow, I say. So this is all—

and this is the vault in which they’ve hoarded it.

All:

What is, what was, what will be—

added to in increments. (A skyful, a pocketful, a teaspoonful, a pinch.)

13.

And still, mostly vault.

14.

The blood and the bed. The basement full of blankets. The

freezer full of meat. We

all will rise again, and all be dignified.

The vein straight through the center

of the leaf. The woody stem of a rose. The dark suburban fruit of mulberries on the lawn.

We will rise over it all, and all of it will still be here when we are gone.

15.

Hello. It’s me, Eurydice. I want to tell you about his eyes: Stupid

hopeful windows. You

idiot, I said. All this resurrection business just to have your dumb love-glance sideswipe me dead.

16.

Her boy, in the war, the gate, left open, the field full of flowers, the day, so cloudless, she couldn’t help but see the mysterious sense and emptiness of it: As a child, he was so quiet, you could have drawn a circle

around it with a piece of chalk.

You could have taken a bus to the edge of that silence, and stepped off

onto a sidewalk, made of time, and walked

for years and years, all through his childhood and still kept walking.

17.

This is the illegible scroll

on which Orpheus’ reply was written.

This

is the book, thrown from the window.

A cough.

A broken telephone.

A few notes of a song.

18.

And a woman sobbing in a hospital gown, Not fair. Just this one body, and not even the body I wanted, and still it clings to me weeping when I have to leave. Not fair.

19.

“Eurydice? Eurydice? Are you there?”

20.

RSVP: She

will not be arriving by ship of by plane. No car door slamming. No

driver to be paid. She will not be walking. Neither shall she run. Thank you for asking, but she can’t come.

21.

Please, please, please, sweetheart,

pick up the fucking phone if you’re there

22.

“The Czar was killed on the spot, as

were the Empress and the Grand Duchess Olga, neither of whom could finish making the sign of the cross.

But the daughters

wore corsets

lined with jewels. For long moments the bullets, fired at their chests,

ricocheted around the room.”

23.

Please?

24.

One day I saw the divorcée take a letter from her ex-husband. Briefly, his fingertips touched hers, and then she slipped the letter into her purse:

But, O, that purse, full of old pleasure, and that letter. Memory, like a dark hole full of feathers.

25.

“Lust, that goat in violets. Those violets like so much tenderness

scattered in the grass. Love,

that rusty chain dragging you home through your past.”

26.

A woman turns at church in her pew and tell me before the organ starts up, “I know a story about your house.”

27.

Oh? Yes?

28.

“In the forties, a farmer named Elmer Barow, in your kitchen, shot himself.”

29.

Oh, I thought, I know. I know. Time,

passing, all along— the hum of the cobwebs in the corners crocheting their intricate shrouds. The

dripping of the faucet. The blackened toast. Of

course, when we sat down at the table with our heads bowed, that

was him listening in on our prayers— Elmer

Barow with a rifle in his mouth.

30.

Always that

flash of desire, always

in the way (that

gray cat sleeping in the driveway, those

teenage girls bathing in a pond of bees)— that’s

what’s left of the freedom God had to make us, or remain free.

31.

Eurydice?

32.

In winter a woman I work with gets the idea that her hands are poisoned. She can’t touch anything anymore. She wears

gloves to bed, in case, in her sleep—

33.

No, E., of course, your hands aren’t poisoned. You cannot kill your children if you stroke their hair. You

know this, you know it.

34.

But, suddenly, gradually, myself—

everything I touch, there’s—

35.

There’s something wrong. (Not that. But something.) I

spend hours trying not to think about the something, but it’s

always there

in the shadowy tissue, in the silvery microscopic gloom, the lazy fluid slip of it, which,

released by love, billows loosely around the cerebral cortex—

a poisoned flume.

36.

Then—?

37.

“And then the day is over, and the—”

38.

And the day is over.

And in the dark I hear God say,

Laura, go ahead and pray.

39.

Okay.

40.

Okay. I— Okay. I—

Dear God, I—

offer up this prayer of dryer lint and hair.

41.

Orpheus here in a cellar made of glass. In it, with me, a blizzard of small black words. I

am sending this message to you from the world, but “This is a message from the world” is all it says.

42.

“Oh, to the teeth, sweetness is the medium, but the message is decay. Like

the soul, a hunch, wrapped in disintegration. Sweater

wool, skin cells, carpet fibers, ash, a gray

breeze: Virus,

and pollen, and ourselves

blown to breathing pieces.”

43.

And then at the petting zoo I knew

animal terror for the first time. Animal

despair: The trembling of the lamb under my trembling hand.

44.

Suddenly, God answers me!

I am made of the same thing you are, after all, and you

are made of me:

Some darkness, a supplication, a moral silence breezing

over the glassy stubble in a vacant field.

45.

“And let us not forget the petty prayers. The insatiable hunger of seagulls. The sunset

in the blood, and those

birds turning

in on themselves. Crying, reeling, happiest hungry. Let us be

you amphetamines! they scream. The market

full of fruit out of season. The locked

door of the embassy. The high

gate surrounding spring:

Please, God, I want all of it for me.”

46.

To: Orpheus Fr: Eurydice Re: Death

The babble. The cold, teeming, intangible hotel.

47.

God, do your hear that? That

bit of stitching in the wind? It unravels when you listen. Listen.

48.

The Debt Birds screeching, Insufficient! Someone shoveling snow onto a fire. A figure in a black suit swinging a lantern through the dark

in arcs, coming closer, and closer.

And my mother standing by the lilac

(the lilac, which is the suburb’s lyric poem

about death) talking

to a man she never met. I

overhear him say, Whatever

crazy sorrow saith.

49.

“No one was crying, no one was bleeding, but the mail had been dumped in the street, and

someone’s husband a few blocks over was shouting loudly about accountability.

Shadows stuffed into envelopes— as when the forest creeps to the edge of the freeway, perfectly tamed, finally revealed,

and the wild illegal animals people keep as pets,

escape, are seen.”

50.

Jesus Christ, this stuff is everywhere!

51.

Excuse me.

I couldn’t help but overhear your prayer...

52.

“What the bloody hell is this? Someone must have written down every word ever said, then

shredded every word ever written.”

53.

O, honey, O, lovely, O, please. It’s me,

Orpheaus, again, Eurydice.

54.

“Okay, now what we need here is a warehouse, or an abyss. Which one of you guys can get on this—

ASAP?”

55.

trying to hold fire. Like

trying to hold perfume. Like

wearing fog to work. Like

stoppering a bottleful of light—

trying to talk to God.

56.

“Hello. Yeah. It’s me. Is he in? We’ve got a major mess on our hands.”

57.

“Shit. Shit. Is he ever in?”

58.

Like stoppering a bottleful of light. Like wearing fog to work. Like trying to hold perfume. Like

trying to hold fire—

to make the simplest goddamned contact with—

59.

O, wait, look after all— that

warehouse, that

abyss, and

a beautiful naked stranger diligently trying

to ladle the oceans into it.

#laura kasischke #i typed this whole thing out on my old blog so #here it is #my favorite poem

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