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neymarsangel · 10 months

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Car Troubles - Charles Leclerc x Verstappen!reader

Charles Leclerc x Verstappen!reader

Requested? Yes/No: Anon: Can you do an angst with Charles where the reader is a Verstappen and lots of brother max🥺🥺🥺

Summary: Ferrari can’t keep their car on track and Charles can’t keep his emotions on the track.

Word Count: 3.2K

Warnings: Angst, fluff, swearing, Max on a rampage.

—

When Max found out you and Charles were dating he wasn’t precisely best pleased, how could he be? His little sister was in bed with the man who’d been his rival since his karting days. Although Max was kinder to Charles now than he was back then he would still give Charles a rough time on the track or the cold shoulder at family dinners. Just because Charles was dating his sister didn’t mean he’d like him.

For the past few months, Ferarri hadn’t been performing as well as they should be and the moment the car stopped breaking down Charles would make a mistake and land himself with another DNF. The pair of you had been dating for over a year now and Max was very much aware of it. You moved in after four months leaving Max alone in his apartment, not that you were always away from your older brother and tonight was one of those nights.

Charles had returned from the race weekend pissed off beyond measure. The car had finally started to work and he’d spun out and hit the wall. He was leading the French GP and after his mistake, your brother went on to claim P1 which only pissed Charles off even more. He and you returned to Monaco rather hastily, saying nothing the entire flight home. Once you were in your shared apartment you finally decided to speak.

“Charles?”

“I don’t want to talk about it y/n.” His voice was stern as he threw his bags down without looking. His careless actions caused his bag to knock against your coffee table, hitting a vase Max had bought you. The water from the vase fell across the small table and leaked onto a scrapbook you’d left on the glass counted.

“Charles!” You screamed before running over to the table. “Be careful you’ll ruin it!” The scrapbook was a present from Charles. After you two had an argument over telling Max about you both, he created the book as a way to show you that he never wanted to hide you ever again. Every time you went on a date he’d make sure he got something as a souvenir so he could scrapbook it. He got to relive the memories, allowing him to relax after races.

“Who cares? It’s just a shitty book!” He snapped, running his hands through her hair.

“What did you say?” Your voice broke at his words.

“You heard, it’s just a shitty book with scraps of paper, it’s not important -”

“That book is about us, the book that you made! It is important.”

“You don’t know what’s important y/n.” He raised his voice. “You know what is important? Me winning this championship! I need to win this for me, for Ferarri, for my family… for all those fans that give their time, effort and money to me, I need to win it for them!” He took a deep breath. “I need to win it for you…”

“Charles I want you to win the championship but it won’t make me think any differently of you…”

“It should.” He snapped. “It’ll make me on the same level as your brother and I need to be fighting against Redbull… but you don’t get it.”

“Charles I do -”

“No, you don’t! You’re not in that car, your brother is. You’re just always there in the background, just waiting there for Max… never me -”

“That’s a lie and you know it!” Your voice grew. “I always watch the race in the Ferarri garages, I only leave when Max wins to congratulate him. He’s still my brother Charles.”

“You know sometimes when I lose I just want you there…” His voice was low as he spoke but that didn’t last long. “But you’ll never understand what that’s like.”

“Why? Because I’m not a driver?”

“Because you’ve never been in the spotlight, only the background.”

“Is that what I am to you?” Your brows arched at his words. “Just someone in the background?”

“Well… the journalists flock to your brother, not you.”

Being the sister of a Formula 1 driver had its perks but it also meant that every day you woke up knowing you would never be on the same level as your brother. Max was always praised by your mum and dad whereas you had to fight for even the smallest acknowledgement from your parents. It wasn’t that they didn’t care about your own achievements but more so that Max was always at the forefront when it came to outperforming you and Victoria.

You didn’t utter a word to him as you grabbed your bags once again but rather than heading to your front room you headed towards the door. “Where are you going?” Charles asked.

“Why do you care? I’m just in the background, aren’t I?”

“Oh come on y/n you know I didn’t mean it -”

“Are you sure about that Charles because you’re acting like it.”

“Look, I know you will never understand what it’s like being under so much pressure but -”

“Charles, do you know what it’s like to be compared to your brother who’s won a World Championship? Do you know what it’s like to have to constantly think of ways to be noticed by your own family for something whilst your brother is out on the track competing in one of the greatest sports in the world?” Taking a deep breath as you watched his mixed expression. “Maybe Arthur will understand.”

“Don’t bring Arthur into this -”

“Then don’t bring Max into this!”

“How can I not? He’s everywhere I turn! He makes stupid decisions on the track which resulted in me suffering!”

“Do not blame your incompetence on my brother!”

“My incompetence?” He laughed at your words. “Your brother’s a fucking idiot on that track, nearly kills everyone who even dares go near him!”

“At least Max knows how to stay on the track.” You knew it was a low blow but the way he was speaking to you, he deserved it.

“That was low y/n…”

“And calling me unimportant isn’t?”

“Well right now you’re not important y/n, you know what is? Running Redbull to the ground and winning this championship, nothing else matters right now.”

Charles was obsessed with winning, he always felt the need to prove himself to everyone around him despite his friends and family knowing he was capable of what he wished to achieve but he knew that didn’t matter. With fans and the press constantly hounding him and Ferrari to be better you knew it was them he wanted to appease, not himself.

“Fine.” You didn’t utter another word as you opened the door and left him standing alone in your apartment. Tears pricked your eyes as you dragged your bags into the lift. You knew that if you stayed the two of you would only rip one another’s heads off even more than you already have.

Monaco wasn’t exactly small so it wouldn’t take long to get to Max’s building meanwhile Charles was left alone with his thoughts. He’d fished the scrapbook from the water, treating it like an artefact at a museum as he slowly flicked through the pages, carefully inspecting which ones were damaged. Every time his eyes fell on the photos his heart sank. He knew he shouldn’t take out what was happening on the track onto you. You would support him at every turn and he knew what he said about you never being there for him was a lie. He spent the night drying the pages as best he could whilst he put them back together as they were before. He thought of sending you a text asking you if you were at Max’s safely, it didn’t take a genius to work out that you’d gone to see your brother about it, but he also knew if Max saw your phone he’d take it upon himself to reply.

When Max saw you his confused gaze softened into a sympathetic one. His arms opened as you fell against him in his doorway. Sobbing into his chest he slowly guided you into his apartment before speaking. “Want me to break check the cunt when he’s out cycling? Or I can shove him into the wall during the race next week? Then again he does that himself anyway…” You pulled back from Max, a small smile on your face at his words as you two sat down. “What happened?”

“It was just a stupid argument, it’s nothing.” You wiped your tears away with your sleeves but Max wasn’t convinced.

“It’s very rare you come running to me late at night because you’re upset.” He leant back in his chair. He had a point. Normally you and Charles would act cold with one another until either one of you apologised a mere few hours later but this time it felt different. He’d gotten personal and it had hurt. “You normally make up after a few hours and then I find out a week later so what was different this time?”

“He said I wasn’t important to him and that all his focus was on the Championship… he told me I wouldn’t understand and I get that - I’m not one of you and I know it’s important but I can understand to a certain degree how important it is but I thought he’d value what we have over that title.”

“I’ll kill him -”

“Max!”

“What?”

“He’s still my boyfriend.”

“Not one I like.”

“You don’t need to like him… more tolerate him.”

“I’m finding that hard right now.” Rolling his eyes he shifted his gaze back to you. “Has he even texted you? To make sure you got here safely?”

Sliding your phone out of your pocket you were met with a blank screen. “No -”

“Cunt.” Max spoke under his breath. “Have you eaten?”

“No -”

“Good, we’ll order in, watch a film, like we used to.” He smiled at the memories. When the two of you were younger every single Friday you would all watch a film and have a takeaway with your sister Victoria. It was the one night when the three of you were all together and could forget about your parent's divorce and the world around you.

You and Max spent the night talking about what happened whilst you two watched a Disney film, trying to forget the night. Unlike anyone else you were close with, Max knew how Charles felt when his car didn’t comply and when he made a mistake which lead to his race being ended. He would always give you a different perspective on your situation and most importantly, he’d listen to you. That was something a lot of people never saw, Max would always validate your feelings and tell you his own perspective on things when you needed it.

Eventually, you and Max called it a night and you headed into his spare room. Throwing your bags onto the bed you began to get ready for bed when your phone sounded from the cabinet.

Char <;3: Did you get to Max’s okay? X

You: I did x

Char <;3: When are you coming back? X

You: Is that why you texted? X

Char <;3: No I wanted to know that you were safe x

You: I left the house hours ago x

Char <;3: I know but I wanted to give you space x

You locked your phone, ignoring his last text. You knew you’d cause another argument with him about his text being a little too late but he’d already read your mind.

Char <3: Look I’m sorry I should’ve messaged you earlier but I didn’t want to make this any worse x

You: By making sure I wasn’t killed? Do you think you checking in on my well-being was going to make this worse? X

Char <;3: You’re right and I’m so sorry, I should’ve walked or driven you over myself. When are you coming home? X

You: I don’t know x

Char <;3: Please be safe. Take your time and I’ll see you soon and I’m sorry x

You: For not texting me or the argument we had? X

Char <3: Both x

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want to go home to him but his words continued to play in your head over and over again like a broken record. Climbing into bed you glimpsed at your lock screen which was a photo of you and Charles after he’d won the Australian GP. He had the trophy in one hand but he was looking at you, his eyes full of love as he looked at you, completely ignoring the trophy in his hand.

You: I’ll message you later, goodnight Char. I love you x

Charles's heart jumped at the reply he got. He knew it was stupid considering the two of you had been in a relationship for years but after a fight like that, all he wanted was reassurance.

Char <;3: I love you too x

He knew he had to make it up to you, he’d fucked up and with Max as your brother, he knew he’d have to grovel.

—

You’d stayed with Max until the Hungarian GP, you knew you’d end up sharing a hotel with Charles. Max had offered to pay for another room for you but the truth was your heart ached to see your boyfriend again.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to buy you a room?” Max asked as he carried your things to the room you were set to share with Charles.

“I’m fine Max.” You smiled at him. “Besides they probably don’t have one free at this time-”

“Then you can take my room and I’ll share with Charles.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that would go down well.”

“Well…” Max smirked at his own words. “He wouldn’t have to worry about him crashing into a wall because he wouldn’t even make it to the car.”

“You’re horrible.” A smile tainted on your lip at your own words.

“Could be worse, remember what I did to your ex?” He smiled down at you. How could you forget? Your last boyfriend, Alexander, had cheated on you with a girl he claimed was ‘just a friend’. You walked in on the two of them in a compromising position only hours after he told you that he loved you. When Max found out there was nothing that could stop him. He stormed into his house and made sure he gave him two black eyes that wouldn’t shift for weeks.

“It would be harder to get away with if you did it to Charles, besides, we had an argument. It’s not like he cheated on me.”

“Well if that ever crosses his mind… it’ll be worse than two black eyes.”

You reached your room but just as you went to open the door a tall brunette swung the door open before you could even get your hand to it. His eyes met yours as you both stared at one another in silence for a second. Max coughed, breaking the two of you out of your trance.

“Max…” Charles glanced over to your brother who looked as if he was ready to kill him.

“Charles,” Max replied before turning to you. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay with him? You can take my room.”

Charles looked as if he wanted to kill Max himself at his words. “I’m sure she’s fine with me,” Charles spoke up.

“You know she can talk for herself, Leclerc.”

“I’m aware.” Speaking through gritted teeth Charles seemed to have finally found his voice.

“I’ll be fine Max.” You looked between the two men. Charles quickly snatched your bags away from Max’s grasp, a smug smile on his lips as he watched Max take a step back in defeat.

“Text me if you need anything y/n, I’ll see you in the garages.” Max turned on his heel, his eyes not leaving Charles’s as he headed down the hallway.

Charles held the door open for you as you walked inside the room. He’d moved his things in but only to one side of the room like he did every single weekend. Even when you weren’t around it always became a habit for him. “How was your time with Max?” He spoke as he set your bags aside.

“Needed.” You replied. “How was your alone time?”

“Lonely.” He stepped closer to you. “I missed you.”

Looking up your eyes met his. “I missed you too.”

“I’m so sorry y/n. What I said, I didn’t mean it at all. Look, I was upset over the race, I feel like I’ll never be a World Champion and every single day I believe that I feel like I’m letting everyone down… especially you.”

“Charles I won’t love you any less if you aren’t a World Champion.”

“I know but… in the past, it's gotten too much and I’ve had people leave me or just become distant and I couldn’t take it if you decided to leave.”

“I’m not going to leave you I just want you to talk to me. I know I’m not a driver but my brother is and for years Max told me what it’s like and I know I’m not in the car but I can listen and understand as best I can, I’m sorry for what I said.”

Charles stepped closer, his hands resting on the sides of your face as he leaned down. “You are so important to me, more important than any stupid trophy.”

“I better be.” Your face broke into a smile as Charles leaned down and took your lips into his. He stood in between your legs as he deepened the kiss his hands going to your hair to pull you closer to him, acting like this was the last time he’d ever kiss you. Eventually, you both pulled away, and Charles straightened himself up.

“I have something for you.” Opening the drawer beside the bed he pulled out the scrapbook he’d made you. “It’s not just a book to me.” He handed it to you. “I fixed it as best I could, I’m sorry-”

“I think we should leave this page blank.” Cutting him off you pointed to a blank page. “For when you win the Championship, that way if you ever feel like you aren’t good enough then you can look back to this page, it might be blank for now but it’s a silent reminder of how much I believe in you, we all do.” You pecked his lips. “You might not believe it sometimes but everyone wants the best for you, especially your fans.”

“I don’t want to let them down.”

“And you won’t… Ferrari will.”

He laughed at your words, falling down beside you on the bed. “If only everyone thought how you did.”

—

“Are you spying on them?” A British accent made Max jump back from the door to yours and Charles’s room. Lando stood behind him with a confused expression.

“I’m just making sure he doesn’t make her cry.”

“I think he makes other things wet besides her eyes.” Lando laughed at himself. Turning to face him Max laughed alongside him before his expression changed in a heartbeat.

“Lando?”

“Yeah?”

“Make a joke like that about my sister again and I’ll cut your dick off.”

---

Buy me a coffee <3

#f1 x reader #f1 x you #f1 fanfic #f1 x oc #formula 1 imagine #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc one shot #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc #charles leclerc angst

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writingforatwistedworld · 11 months

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Another bread era?

Otome au

I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, obsession, possessiveness, stalking, threats, death, murder

Malleus Draconia/Lilia Vanrouge-“I’m gonna take your bread sir… let me take your bread SIR SIR STOP WALKING AWAY FROM ME SIR!!!??”

Malleus Draconia, the hidden king behind the roses, a legend who even the highest of kings and queens whisper in fear about... is holding back a laugh from watching you

Ok, to be fair, you can only do so much as a ruler of a Kingdom which has been isolated from the others for so long which probably also resulted him in being a bit (or maybe a lot more than a bit) for social interactions

Malleus adores you to a level which is incomprehensible for the ordinary human mind. Heck, most likely for any mind

Yet his most beloved is at the moment pretty much the opposite of him. Most unelegant they screamed at the poor bakers of the Queendom of Roses for their bread

Not like those humans, pardon, NPCs could hear you but it was a rather silly sight to see you sprinting up to the next person like you were possessed and demanding their bread

Could it be that there was a famine that led to you now demanding the food of others? But why especially bread? (I am not joking he is seriously asking himself that)

After sending Lilia out to check, just to be sure, he finally found out that no, you are not on the path of starvation, you are just silly

Might as well enjoy the show then. It's not every day that you see an otherworldly bring controlling a body being this interesting... not like he had seen another bodysnatcher like you before

When he noticed the havoc you caused in your wake he could not hold it back anymore, bursting into laughter he swiped tears of joy from his cheeks

Why this moment was so funny to him was beyond him. Perhaps it was that small memory of another place far in the past, a human from another world, a room filled with all kinds of individuals enjoying their rather mediocre meal together

Perhaps he should humor you

Sending out Lilia yet again (the poor bas-) he ordered that you were brought a basket filled with the finest sentiment of breads

Soft bread, hard bread, bread with seeds, bread with a crunchy crust, bread that tasted spicy and much, much more

When that NPC tried to trade all that bread for a meager price which could barely feed a person for a day the oh-so-lighthearted atmosphere shifted immediately into something that can only be described by “Oh f, he did it”

“Lilia, when was the last time you sharpened your blade?” “Pardon?”

But hey, at e end off the day you had still your bread and everything was great and fine and dandy and yay and oh my god someone just got killed in a PG-13 game what the heck is going on??!

Lilia is someone who takes his duties very seriously

Be it conveying messages to all those that have paid the price of his ruler's benevolence or monitoring the one who connects the one controlling them and this world

At first, Lilia assumed that the one controlling the puppet wearing white and blue would be a cold-hearted tyrant who loved to watch an entire world being nothing more than a game to them

But then...

“SIR GIMME UR BREAAAAAD!” A most frightening battle cry, Lilia nearly fell off from the tree branch he was dangling from when he first heard it

Were you finally setting out to conquer this world? Was it finally time to draw his sword and- uh... huh? *Insert confused expression*

Instead of attacking a defenseless person you sprinted to the next one, repeating the same actions you did just a second ago

The general had expected something of a crueler nature, just how the Gods were at the dawn, not someone jumping up and down whilst demanding bread

But perhaps, this could be used to his benefit?

The next day you found a new NPC. How strange, haven't you walked down this path in the game many times before? His did you miss him?

Interacting with the young man you found out that he was a baker who specialised in bread

How funny! You made a show of wanting bread just yesterday

It was almost like the game was interacting with your real-life self... Nah. Must be your imagination

To your delight, the dialogue seemed to change every single day, ending with the baker telling you stories far too dangerous for a normal person like him to experience

Every following day the interactions with the young man became more and more interesting, and by interesting I mean they went more and more off the grid

Lilia had to tell you more stories from the past he could still remember. This started with him investigating by talking to you but after time, he got attached. What if you were to move on and leave him behind from boredom? After some time his filter started to stop much less from his past than before. Things that he would have sugar-coated before we're now on full display.

Just don't turn your affection to somebody else. You were such a refreshing new sight that he simply had to own your attention

Now now, play nice and do what he says. Otherwise you might find a few NPCs missing

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sidthedollface2 · 17 days

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A Crown fit for a God (Part 5)

Part 4

Pairing: Azriel x Fem Reader

Ch Summary: Elain tries to hold on to whatever relationship she and Azriel have left. Will he submit to her desires? Or seek you out instead?

You accidentally discover what the inside of a cell looks like.

word count: 4.3k

Ch warnings: SA (groping, not graphic and no p in v), thoughts of murder, drugging, cheating (don't worry), slight pregnancy talk.

Series warnings: 18+ MDNI, SMUT, mentions of SA, angst, hurt/comfort, war, murder including injuries, fighting, no use of y/n, nicknames, magic, greek mythology, pining, jealousy, soft Az with a little temper, azriel with other women (sorry), reader with another man (get it friend ; )

A/n: I had something totally different planned but decided to take this little detour. Lol. I believe after this chapter we will see more of Azriel and reader interactions. I think. Idk. maybe. I'm a daydreamer not a writer so if you see any mistakes that's how I dreamt it. Lol

The following day Lucien had gotten into a fight with Eris, what was at first a screaming match turned physical, as fists flew left and right. Both males stubborn in their decision, Lucien adamant that he already had planned to run away with you to the Spring Court and Eris tried to explain that a life on the run was no life at all. He promised Lucien you’d be well taken care of and that you’d be a wonderful High Lady when the time came. “No! I’d rather die than watch her marry you.” Lucien roared, angering his brother even more. “We will leave in two days' time and you will not seek us out.” Two days. Eris had two days to figure out how to make you stay.

If Eris was to be the next High Lord he’d have to do dishonorable things to get what he wanted. This was the first of many. “Gods forgive me for what I'm about to do,” he whispered to himself as he mixed the sex pollen into the cake batter. He placed the round tins in the oven, just like his mother had shown him many times before. Once the cake was frosted and decorated he hand delivered it to an old friend he hadn’t seen in a long while.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once again Azriel watched as you walked away, a lone shadow ordered to follow and keep you safe trailing behind you. Shame filled his guilty heart. He had never acted this way before, not with Mor or Elain or any other female he had in his bed. It was foolish to judge you when he’s had more than enough partners in the 500 plus years he’s been alive.

Was he going to apologize by fetching you contraceptive tea from The Night Court, so you could sleep with someone else, while he pinned after you?

Yes. Yes he was, and he certainly wasn't thrilled about it.

The following morning you stumbled upon a small box on the front steps of your cottage; adorned in navy wrapping paper and secured with a golden bow. A small note was attached along with a violet flower, its stem carrying bulb-like flower buds waiting to bloom and berries as black as the midnight sky. You recognized the plant as Nightshade.

My Queen of Death,

I hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive my ignorance. I'm ashamed that I've allowed my jealousy to transpire into hurtful words. Words that no female should ever hear and I truly apologize for judging your actions when my own are not very admirable. I realize that actions speak louder than words and I aim to show you just how sorry I am.

Yours, Azriel

A small smile pulled at your lips as you unraveled the bow and looked inside the box. Three jars of finely crushed herbs, each labeled individually accompanied by a beautifully crafted infuser were neatly placed within the box. Along with healing salves for your wounds, and seeds to grow your own Nightshade.

“What is that Fawn?” you didn’t hear as Eris winnowed to the cottage, his glare immediately finding the gift box in your hands. You had two options: lie and say it's just tea from a merchant or tell the truth and enrage the future heir. You were no coward, “It’s contraceptive tea from The Night Court,” you declared with not a hint of hesitation. Eris clenched his hands in a fist, taming the lingering flame that threatened to burst free in his rage. His nostrils flared in distaste for your actions. You knew the plan was to pretend to marry Eris and produce an heir, granting his fathers wishes. Somewhere along the way those pretend lies blurred into truth, at least for Eris.

“Who did you get the tea from?” he asked, deeply inhaling the air around him, scenting for another male. Thank the Gods you had glamoured your scent, “My friend gifted it to me.”

“You don’t have friends, I need a name now!” He seethed, clenching his jaw in anger.

You scowled at him, turning your back to him with the gift in your hands, heading back into the cottage. When he suddenly reached over, snatching the note from your hand.

“Hey!”

“My Queen?” He questions, reading over the note in a mocking tone and a furrowed brow, “your Azriel?” Eris smugly chuckles, "My Gods he really does know how to work the females doesn’t he? He doesn’t want to be your friend Fawn, he just wants to fuck you. I bet that's the reason he got jealous wasn't it?” He states, crumbling the note in his fist and setting it on fire with his magic. When he opens his fist again a small amount of ash floats to the ground.

Eris had done what he always does. Place doubt in your mind that no one would ever want you more than a fuck buddy and no one has ever been friends with a Death God. The others were locked away in the prison, the weavers cottage, and the lake. Soon enough the other High Lords would come to know of you and your powers and lock you away like the rest.

“You're right, but I still want the tea.”

Eris stalks closer, taking the gift from your hands, “I’ll get you some new tea. This one probably has sex pollen in it. You can never trust the males of The Night Court. I’ve already told you, they share their females. And you're too precious to share.”

Eris throws the box over this shoulder, setting it aflame before it even hits the ground.

He wraps his arm around your shoulder, walking you inside the cottage, “Mother requests you at the Forest House. She wants you to wear a dress to Helion's celebration.”

~~~~

Azriel thought about your last words to him and it hurt him to admit you were right. No one had ever loved him. At least not as deeply as your love for Lucien. He wondered what your love would feel like. Would it be as fierce as you were, with power surging through your veins? Were you a hopeless romantic where you’d hold his hand and kiss him in the middle of the street on the rainiest day of the year? With how he was acting, that idea seemed so far off. So far each encounter with you was met with his illyrian ways of being a territorial, possessive, jealous male. He was man enough to admit he was jealous, Lucien had a piece of your heart, if not now then before. He had no right to be jealous, he was sleeping with Elain afterall. A situation he needed to end once and for all.

His curiosity was heavy enough to seek out the male and question the depths of the relationship. Not long after he landed back in Velaris, he found himself knocking on Lucien's apartment door, hoping to catch up.

Lucien opened the door and he immediately regretted it. He wasn’t exactly fond of the illyrian who had been sleeping with his mate. Knowing very well Azriel’s appetite for beautiful females. He’d figure once he grew bored of Elain he’d find another female to bed and another and another, leaving those poor females a shell of their former selves. Lucien had no patience for small talk and he wasn't exactly interested in what the shadowsinger had to say, “whatever it is, I don’t care.” Lucien moved to close the door in Azriel’s face, unamused with the sudden visit.

“Wait!” Azriel pleaded, hand splayed over the door that was about to close on him. “I’m not here to talk about Elain, I’m ending it with her today. I’m here to talk about Khaos.” Lucien sighed, letting the shadowsinger enter his apartment. “Is she safe?” Lucien's worried eyes scanned Azriel for any hint of deception. “Yeah, she's safe, I just wanted to know how she was with you and now Eris. More importantly, what happened between you two? ”

Azriel walked over to Lucien's couch, Mid bend to make himself comfortable, “don’t sit. I don’t plan to entertain you,” Lucien spat, crossing his arms over his chest. Azriel let the weight of his body plop down on the couch, arms stretched wide across the back cushion. His unwavering stare indicating he would get the answers to his questions. Lucien gritted his teeth in annoyance, “ I’m not telling you shit. What happened between us, remains between us.”

Azriel nodded, understanding his hesitancy to give any details regarding a former lover, “It’s just that I’d like to get to know her bett-”

“Haven’t you had your fill?" Lucien interrupted with a scowl, “must you take every female that I love?” He scoffed. “You don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as her.”

There it was, his opening. Exactly what he was hoping for. Azriel didn’t hesitate in prodding further.

“If you loved her, why did you leave?”

Lucien shook his head, running his hand through his long locks, “No, not past tense. I still do. I’ll always…” Lucien swallowed, he couldn’t finish that sentence, it hurt too much. Azriel narrowed his eyes, Gods, he still loved you he thought to himself. He knew his next words would reopen a healed wound, but he needed more. “You love her so much you let Eris fuck her too.” Azriel internally flinched at how tasteless the statement was.

Lucien winced at the Shadowsingers clear attempt to rile him up, those crude words grating against his heart, “Get out!”

Azriel smirked and threw his mud covered boots on top of the coffee table, rattling the few cups that lingered. Crossing his legs at the ankle, “the faster you tell me what I want to know, the faster I'll leave.”

Lucien rubbed the space between his brows and let out an annoyed groan. His gaze fixed on a burgundy cloak that was thrown over an armchair. A cloak that once belonged to you, after all these years he still held onto it. Lucien's eyes glazed over in sadness as he recalled the reason he left, “after my father wished for Eris to court her, I tried to take her away to The Spring Court so we could be together. I went to our friend Jesminda's house to say my goodbyes. She invited me in for cake and tea, one thing led to another and I made the biggest mistake of my life. I couldn't tell her, so I left for Spring alone. ”

“You cheated on her?” Azriel asked.

Lucien nodded, clearing his throat from the knot of emotion that threatened to break free.

��You’re a fucking coward,” Azriel glared as he stalked towards the door, “she thinks the world of you and you couldn’t even tell her of your betrayal.”

He opened the door to the apartment, leaving Lucien to sulk in misery,

“You said I don't deserve her, but it’s you who doesn't deserve a place in her heart. I’ll make sure she knows of your cowardice and infidelity.”

Azriel slammed the door behind him and as he walked away he heard the cries of a wounded fox, shattered to pieces by a guilty conscience.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stood in front of a full length mirror, its reflection one you didn't recognize. Your eyes lacked the stars that once circled your pupils, your once moon like orb was no longer crisp and bright. No longer did you look like a God that brought blood and gore to those who deserved a painful death. How did the Goddess of Life succumb to a female with nowhere to go but beside her betrothed. To obey his every wish with a smile on your face. Only speak when spoken to and never voice the thoughts that lingered beyond those of dresses and motherhood.

Was your life to be on your back while Eris spilled his seed inside you, producing heir after heir until your very womb decayed. “Aos? Which color would you like the dress?” you shook your head, riding yourself from your detached thoughts. You met the eyes of Auren through the mirror, a seamstress tasked with measuring you for Helion’s Celebration. “Blue would look lovely, Thank you Auren.”

“The Prince is wearing a deep cadmium red, it be wise to match with the future heir.” Auren explained as she struggled to wrap the measuring tape around your waist, placing her finger against your body, noting the inch at which her finger fit snugly against your skin. “Make it a royal blue Auren, it reminds me of home.”

Her heavy breathing took you out of your thoughts and your eyes widened at her swollen belly, the reason for her struggle to reach around you. “Oh Auren, I didn’t realize. It’s not polite to comment-”

“It’s alright really, just got harder to bend and move,” she laughed, rubbing her round stomach soothingly. You beamed as she cradled the life that was growing inside her. A warmth so familiar bloomed inside you. You knew all too well the reason pregnancy was difficult in the fae lands, ever since you fell from the sky procreation had severely diminished. Not forgotten or misplaced just pointless in a cruel world. You couldn't say you had nothing to do with it, you had everything to do with creation. So it was quite a shock to see Auren pregnant, “a miracle really. Congratulations Auren, you make a wonderful mother.”

“It’s always been a dream of mine. Thank the Gods for this fertility tea.” She took a sip from her cup and as she set it down you glanced inside, “whole nuts?” you questioned with a raised eyebrow. “Mhmm, it tastes gritty when they’re crushed down to a powder.” She grimaced as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Gritty?”

Weekly dinners with the Vanserras, you were served tea.

It couldn’t be.

It was.

You paled.

~~~~~~~

At dinner everyone moved around you carrying their conversations like you weren’t slowly dying inside. Like you were invisible. You sat unmoving, hands clasped within your lap as you burned a hole into the mug that accompanied your dessert. How long had you been drinking that tea? How long were you going to pretend to be Eris' lover? How long were you going to put on this mask of compliance and docility, when in reality you could rip the flesh from their bones with a blink of an eye. Slaughter each and every member of the Vanserras without a single ounce of remorse.

The more you dwelled on it the more plausible it seemed. Yes, you’d remove them all at once with the snap of your finger. Each death exactly the same as the next, painful in the way they’ve caused pain to others. No, tortuous. Starting with the slow removal of each fingernail, pulled directly from the nailbed followed by severing each finger until nothing remained of their hands but a bloody useless paw. You wouldn't stop there. Next you’d remove their feet below the ankles, better yet, below the knee, so that to move they'd need to drag their meat sack of bones across all the painful textures of the land. Each and every pull against the earth would reopen thin healed skin, leaving trails of crimson blood mixed with pus and torn flesh.

The cries of a once feared family would bring their citizens out only to shriek, and gasp in horror at the sight of the disfigured thing. As a mercy you’d allow them to keep their eyes and ears so they’d hear each vulgar degradation aimed at how mutilated and disgusting they looked, visualize the moment they made someone so ill all that could be done was vomit the contents of their stomach. No one would pin it on Eris if he was among the deformed. Though you weren’t so cruel, they did help you somewhat. Provide you with shelter, food, all the means that you’ve needed to survive thus far. Asphyxiation would be painless, you smirked.

Eris placed a panicked hand to the base of his throat, glancing around the table at his family; he noticed their glossy widened eyes. Their mouths hung open in a silent scream, opening and closing like a fish out of water, gasping for a breath of air. Utensils clattered to the ground as Lord Beron attempted to stand only to stumble clenching the table cloth for fear of falling. Eris’ amber gaze landed on your morbid stare. Eyes cloudy and pale with the promise of death in their unfocused glare.

The room spun round and round although he remained seated, knuckles white from gripping the wooden table. He felt himself slowly losing consciousness, the lack of oxygen to his brain pulling him under, a swipe across his nose made him nearly pass out as he felt blood drip down, coating his lips. Eris chanced one last look into the soul of beautiful death and found your lifeless eyes already claiming his beating heart.

With a last ditch effort to reclaim his soul he struggled through the pounding inside his head. Placing a trembling hand against your thigh, conjuring the remaining power he had into a lick of flame. Burning against your thigh brought your thoughts back to dinner. Those heterochromia eyes morphed into the vibrant colors of the galaxy with a single blink. The sharp inhale of air surrounded the table as your mind released them from the claws of death's grip. “Must be the tea,” you challenged, voice dripping with insolence as your cold eyes met those of Lord Beron. “We’ve been poisoned!” Eris's younger brother Janus reported, pouring out his cup of tea showcasing the darkened goop that splattered to the ground. Eris’ gaze traveled from the cup to you and back again. A look of shock and hurt in the way he studied your indifference. Once everyone cleared the dinner table, Lord Beron ordered the guards to sweep the halls for a breach and check the tea imports for tampering.

~~~~~

You made your way to your bed chambers when a rough hand tightly gripped your arm; shoving you against the stone walls with enough force to knock the sense out of you. Lord Beron lowered his mouth to your ear so no one else could hear his vile words. “If I have to chain your legs apart and force him on you, so be it! But you will let Eris fuck a babe into your pathetic cunt!” He snarled, voice dripping with the rot that plagued his evil soul. You stared at the grip he had on your arm, a bruise in the shape of fingertips already forming around your bicep.

“Threaten me all you want-"

The back of Lord Berons palm landed across your cheek with an audible slap, whipping your face so hard you stumbled to the floor. Your fingertips sparked with electric current, adrenaline running through you, tempting you to act, to destroy everyone that got in your way. And Lord Beron would be the first to witness your fury. Defiantly, you stood to meet his stare, chin held high with pride, “I bow to no High Lord.”

Lord Beron didn’t bother to strike you as he signaled for a guard to escort you below. Where they kept their murderers, thieves, and those that needed a reminder of who their High Lord was. Lord Beron didn’t know how powerful you were since you kept most of your magic to yourself and those close to you, so it came as a shock when a stainless steel collar dipped in faebane was locked around your neck, made to look like a simple necklace with the only key belonging to High Lord Beron.

You were dragged down the cold halls farther than you knew existed, down a spiral of stone steps, passed the cells that housed the criminals of Autumn and last through a hidden wall disguised as an unassuming bookcase. Your heart rate spiked as you realized this area was one you had never seen before and it worried you that maybe that was the point. You tried to summon your magic despite the collar releasing its poison onto your skin, but with nowhere to release the rage, the opposite happened. Your power turned to its host and acted like a sedative, pulling you into a sleep-like state.

In your near-unconsciousness you didn’t feel the rough hands of a guard help himself to the curves of your body, groping your breasts and grabbing your ass before he kneeled at your feet, shackling your legs apart just as Lord Beron promised. The guards were instructed to not penetrate you but that didn’t stop them from standing around your cell to gawk and fist their needy cocks to the sight of your spread pussy.

~~~~~~~~~

Azriel breathed a sigh of relief as he entered his room. A welcoming comfort no one could grant him, except perhaps you.

He neared his four poster bed, large enough for his wings and a lover or two. Just as he was about to throw himself onto its pillowy top a sweet scent engulfed him. Too sweet for his liking and definitely not your scent. As he looked to the illuminated light escaping the bottom of the bathing room; Elain emerged from a cloud of steam, casting her in a hazy glow. Azriels eyes trailed the length of her nude body, drops of water tracking down her thin legs.

Azriel couldn't deny what a beautiful female she was, both inside and out. He was lucky to have been with her no matter how short their fling was about to be. What Elain assumed was lust in Azriels eyes was actually reflection. Seeing her bare before him reminded him of what she offered time and time again. Her physical body. He knew that's not all she had to offer, deep down she had goals to be met and hobbies that he didn't understand, but physical intimacy is what she offered to him.

Azriel couldn't believe he had gotten to the point where sex was no longer enough. He wanted more. He wanted it all. He wanted that body, mind and spirit love. A soul connection so deep not even death would be able to pry his heart away. He felt it in his bones that that connection was not with Elain, so he’d decided now was as good a time as any, to let her go.

Without another glance Azriel walked to his closet, which held an assortment of her clothes. He pulled out her favorite pink robe, and draped it over her shoulders. Elain took the hint and tied the robe around her body at the waist, covering her completely. The act alone brought her to tears as his rejection flooded her with shame and embarrassment.

“Who is she?” Elain muttered, crossing her arms over her stomach in an attempt to hold herself together. Azriel shook his head, a soft sigh leaving his lips.

“Did you sleep with her?”

“No. I wouldn't do that to her - to you,” he shook his head, “I wouldn't do that to you.”

“Do you want to sleep with her?” Elain asked with a wobble in her throat, not sure if she could handle his answer.

Azriel turned his back on Elain and placed his hands on his hips. A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he hung his head. Yes, he did want to bed you, but more than anything he wanted to hear the sound of your soft breathing as you slept nestled against his chest. He wanted to trace the beauty marks along your back and see how many constellations adorned your soft skin.

“Azriel!”

“Yes! Is that what you wanted to hear? He snapped.

“NO! I want to hear that you love me, not that you want to fuck someone else!” Elain sobbed, her tears freely flowing down her cheeks. “It’s her isn't it? The one you’ve been looking for all these years? The female you said I shouldn't worry about?” Elain continued to wipe away her tears.

“I never meant to hurt you, and for that I’m sorry. If there's a chance that she’s who's destined for me then I have to explore that. You know how much I want what my brothers have, that special someone made for me!” Azriel sat on the edge of the bed, running his hands through his wavy hair.

“I thought I was made for you Az?”

A scoff leaves Azriels lips, “you were made for Lucien, he's your mate Elain, not me.”

Elains stunned silent. The truth of his words piercing her fragile heart, “but I chose you.”

“And I’m choosing her.”

“Azriel, she's a Death God,” she pleads, kneeling in front of him with her hands on his knees, “she’s threatened Velaris and Rhys hates her. You met her one time as a child. You don’t know her!” she yelled, hurt laced in her words as she tried to make sense of his actions.

“I want to get to know her!” Azriel yelled back, standing abruptly from his position on the bed, making Elain stumble slightly, catching herself with her palms on the floor.

“I’m sorry, this thing between us. It was never –”

Azriels shadows interrupt him as they swarm the room, darting erratically from side to side in alarm. Goosebumps form along his arms as they whisper in his ear, ‘In trouble, hurry.’ Azriel didn't need to ask who was in trouble. Somehow he could feel your despair in the pit of his stomach. You needed him and he would go to you. However far you were, he would walk miles to reach you, fly through the toughest storms to be by your side. Risk his own life if it meant you’d survive to see another day. Without another word he raced out of the house, leaving a broken hearted Elain to pick up the pieces of her fractured heart. He couldn’t be there for her any longer, not when his heart was calling out for you.

A/n: I’ve had a crazy week with my daughter being sick and planning her birthday party. I expect the next ch to take me some time. As always thank you so much for reading and for your sweet comments.

Taglist: @blackgirlmagicforever @going-through-shit @dr4g0ngirl @mybestfriendmademe @isa1b2h3 @julesofvolterra @scooobies @thisblogisaboutabook @lilah-asteria @glitterypirateduck @acourtofbatboydreams @5onedirection5

#azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel x fem!reader #azriel x y/n #azriel shadowsinger #azriel spymaster #azriel fanfic #azriel angst #azriel #acotar #acotar x reader #acotar fanfic #acotar fanfiction #acotar imagine

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lilac-5ky · 11 months

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Roommates from Hell, pt.2 (Toji x Fem!Reader)

Chapter 2: 2912

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 | Story Masterlist | Masterlist

A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and enjoyed the first part of the story! I'll do my best to update every 1-2 weeks and to keep things interesting. Feedback and suggestions are always welcome, and if anyone wants to be notified for updates, drop your name in the comments and I'll gladly tag your @.

Warning: Flashback, mentions of violence, blood, and sex toys (odd combo, I know)

2…9…1…2

Deft fingers punched in the numbers on the door’s keypad, a practiced crescendo of beeps and bops granting you access to your flat. Hesitant fingers that dropped to the handle, but refused to push forward, instead anchoring you there. Not yet, you mumbled, your eyes squeezing shut as soon as your forehead hit the frame.

Today has been a long day. So long that you barely had a moment to process the line of rapid escalations as it brought you to this very doorstep, with the ghost of your former scarf dangling from your neck. Some people would rather be glued to the little screens of their little phones than discipline their eight-year-old brats who, for some reason, thought playing tug of war with others’ scarves while they busted their gut to make a leaving to be of utmost entertainment.

Some people ought to keep their genes to themselves, you exasperated, untying the fabric from your neck and then balled it inside your bag, zipping the bunny across the seam.

The bunny…

Toji…

It was becoming a habit of yours to follow up his name with a sigh. Sometimes a sigh that meant “What am I going to do with you?” and others coming from a place of deep longing and frustration, meaning “What am I going to do without you?”

He said he’d be home after “snipping some loose ends,” which in his dictionary either referred to him breaking some poor woman’s heart, or quite literally stabbing some equally unfortunate man’s heart out of his body at his job’s demand. Depending on the plausibility of each scenario, you were given a minimum of four and a maximum of six hours to try and make sense of his actions and devise a plan to make this cohabitation work.

You licked your lips for the millionth time that day, gnawing at the chapped flesh with the edge of your teeth. No lip balm could aspire to salvage their sorry-ass state, aggravated by the low temperatures and honed by your continuous munching on them. You’d become so conscious of their existence, that it seemed as if you were trying hard to erase it before he had the chance to realize his goal of kissing them— even when that was a common goal shared by the both of you.

The taste of metal pooled in the hollow of your mouth, your teeth sinking a tad too deep. There wasn’t much reason to keep contemplating that which never happened and that which, perhaps, would never come. You wiped your shoes on the crooked doormat (was it always crooked?) and walked inside, your legs nearly giving out at the sight of two knees dangling from your beloved couch’s armrest.

“Woah, keep it down, won’t ya?”

None other than the voice of Toji reprimanded you as you screamed at the top of your lungs. His body was spilled across your couch, the expanse of muscles barely fitting upon the three azure-colored pillows. A soda —your soda— nested in his palm, while a bag of empty potato chips —your chips— lay on the kotatsu.

“What the hell are you doing here?!?” A trembling hand reached out to where your heart supposedly was, checking whether it was still in its place.

“Watching some travel show about Chikura,” he answered, unfazed and undisturbed. “You like abalone, right? Why don’t we-”

“I’m asking, how the fuck did you get in here?”

“Oh, that,” Toji smirked, lowering the TV’s volume just when the travel host was about to devour a platter full of steaming hot seafood—mouthwatering enough to divert your attention for a second. “Sayaka let me in.”

“Sa-yaka…?”

“Flat hair, narrow eyes— kinda like Izumi Pinko. Walks around with a cane twice her size. Rings a bell?”

“Talking about Ogawa-san?” you asked, a caricature of your crabby landlady taking shape before your very eyes. “She never lets in anyone without a key, though. Last time I forgot mine, she acted as if she didn’t know me and went right past. Had to phone a locksmith,” you sighed, murmuring under your breath about the extravagant sum of money you were forced to pay. “How did you do it? Convince her to open up?”

“How else ya think?” His chin rotated leisurely atop his knuckles.

“You can’t be serious! Y-you fucked her?” Your eyes went wide like saucers, the notion sounding both feasible and surreal.

His smirk sharpened into a sly grin as he stood up, a slight slouch on his shoulders carrying him to your eye level. You couldn’t exactly look away from this proximity, so you began quietly analyzing him. The tight-fitting black tee and baggy training pants that greatly accentuated his hips and shoulders; his work outfit. The overgrown hair that curtained the dark circles of his eyes; evidence of a sleepless night. The absence of scent, not even of dirt, sweat, or struggle. He must’ve actually been working on a bounty, you deduced, your final thought of rationale as he invaded the last bit of personal space you’d left.

“You really think the worst of me, huh?” His tongue circled his lips, prompting yours to do the same as you sheepishly shook your head, the sultry sound of his voice as hypnotizing as his hooded green eyes were.

“You think I go ‘round spreading the legs of everything that moves?” Toji asked again, his tone growing more condescending by the second. “ ‘fraid that ain’t the case, princess. I’m not into goodwill. Don’t do things without merit, either. She asked who I was, got all perky when I said I’m moving in, and then handed me these,” he paused, throwing a bundle of creased envelopes at your feet.

You kneeled awkwardly, seeking the sender’s origin in each logo seal. Water company. Electricity company. Phone company. Insurance company. Even the bills from that one debit card Hinata issued in your name in case of an emergency.

“Could say I paid my way in,” he scoffed, his eyes searching for an inkling of appreciation that he failed to find in your stubborn squint.

“I could’ve handled these myself.”

“Thought you’d say this, that’s why I saved this one,” he tossed another, smaller yellow-tinted paper onto the pile. “Eviction notice. My, you have it quite hard, don’tcha?”

“I don’t need classes on financial handling from someone whose living conditions are entirely dependent on ‘the bimbo of the week’,” you snapped, rising back to your feet with the bills in hand.

Maybe things were a bit tighter these past few months than you’d accounted for, but you weren’t like him. Sooner or later, you paid all expenses through sheer work and effort— a concept foreign to him, who’d rather be thrown into the streets than save a dime.

You weren’t like Toji. Not one bit. You knew that if he hadn’t run into your landlady, you would have definitely paid all your debts off in a month’s time or two, even if that meant devolving your breakfast’s nutritional value to that of instant ramen. You could take care of yourself, just like you’d done for 14 years now. He had no right to interfere because, come next month, you’d—

But the overdue deadlines at the top of each paper spoke louder than your inner thoughts and bravado did. The next month would never come for you. Not in this house, at least.

Defeated, you unfolded the paper, straightening the creases your fingernails had helped create. You hated feeling this way— indebted. The last thing you wanted was for this to turn into just another transactional relationship with an expiration date dependent on the other’s wage.

“Thank you, and,” you mumbled, your stare hiking up his body and stopping at his chest —right about where the difference in your height manifested— “….sorry, I guess. Just thought that with the way you look, and all that-”

“The way I look…?” A winsome smile tugged at his dimples, his left hand weaving through his hair as if he were oblivious to how effortlessly attractive he appeared in his work clothes, every single crevice of his body visible under the little piece of fabric.

“N-never mind.” You tore your eyes away, cheeks flushing bright red at thoughts a friend shouldn’t be having. “How was work?”

“Pretty dead,” he shrugged, using the same hand to rub some of the tension around the crook of his neck. “Don’t see a real challenge rising until that Gojo kid hatches from his egg. Rest die like flies.”

As a regular person with about an average percentage of cursed energy running through your system, you had little understanding of the mystical world of Jujutsu and its sorcerers, all the information you had acquired being bits and pieces that Toji had shared with you over the years. He never went into too much detail about his job but never hid anything either. He killed sorcerers with the same ease he spread butter on his bread.

You really didn’t understand much, and perhaps the keywords “kills for a living” ought to ring an alarm or two, but an outsider like you who didn’t abide by their rules had no right judging those who broke them. Besides, with the way his family had disposed of him as if he were a chewed piece of gum stuck on the back of their sole, things weren’t as black and white as one would assume.

“Gojo, you say,” the name sounding awfully familiar on your tongue. “Is that one of the three big clans?”

Toji nodded, his arms folding over his chest. “Special grade when he ain’t grown any pubes yet,” he scoffed, voice twisting in an unnatural way that could have tricked you into thinking he was jealous of the young boy.

“Are you gonna kill him?”

His brows knitted together, clearly not expecting such bluntness. “Question is, can I? Answer being, for the right price,” the frown he wore subdued into a crooked smile. “maybe. Kid should fetch one good wad of cash. I’m sure many want the six eyes out of the picture.”

Six eyes?

“Just make sure you save some of it,” you mindlessly said, eyes dancing around the room for the first time since you’d entered the house.

There were no real signs of his presence. The duffel bag seemed to be nowhere in sight either. Only his shoes were left by the door right next to yours, a sign you’d completely missed upon entering.

“What happened to your things, by the way? Don’t see ‘em.”

“Took the liberty of sorting them out,” Toji said. “You had a lot more empty space than you made it sound earlier.”

Somehow that statement terrified you— not because you were some overbearing control freak who didn’t want others interfering with their stuff, but because you feared the misplaced items he might have found casually lying around, providing him with all the excuse he needed to tease you to an excruciatingly slow and shameful death.

You went on a parade through the rooms, Toji following in your steps like a well-trained puppy, letting you freely inspect the new “changes”.

In the living room, you spotted a pair of dumbbells lying by the window, heavy enough that when you tried to pick one of them up, it resulted in one loud, unintentional shriek as your feet were nearly crushed, much to Toji’s vile amusement. Then in the bathroom, you found a second toothbrush that shared the exact same color yours did, along with a black fuzzy towel and a men’s deodorant that was missing its lid. You’d have to get another cup for his toothbrush, you noted, and moved along, eventually making it to your apartment’s sole bedroom.

“Where are your clothes?” you asked, Toji nodding in your closet’s direction.

You opened the first door, finding a series of dark-colored shirts, sweaters, and cardigans hanging from the previously vacant racks. You didn’t wear much color yourself, but when comparing the disparity between his almost exclusively black side of the space and the creamier pastels that predominated yours, the clash in taste was indisputable.

Absentmindedly, you run your fingers through his clothes, stopping at the dark blue parka you’d gotten him for his 21st birthday. He wasn’t the type to keep gifts from women, but seeing he’d preserved yours in mint condition filled you with a strange sense of pride.

“Not bad,” you exclaimed, satisfied with how aptly his clothes were displayed until a new worry surfaced. “What about your underwear?”

He glanced toward the bottom drawer, his instep gently kicking against it. You weren’t too sure if that was necessary, and under different circumstances, you’d rather avoid such overt embarrassment, but this was your house first and foremost. Your closet, your drawer, and—

“The bottom drawer…?” The realization struck like a ton of bricks, your pupils widening and then trembling as a breath hitched up your throat, remaining there.

The bottom drawer is where you kept it, perhaps the only thing in this entire household that you’d rather he didn’t see, at the cost of your own life, even. A rabbit, whose little ears tapped in excitement every time it saw you. A rabbit vastly different from the ones that hopped around happily in fields or the one that was weaved through the zipper of your handbag. A rabbit that had kept you company in his place many nights and knew the sound of his name better than Toji himself did.

Sinking to your knees, you felt his shadow loom over you like the shadow of imminent death. You let go of that breath and yanked the drawer open, eyes squinting at the sight of neatly stacked black boxers, their size big enough to make you arch a brow, yet not big enough to completely conceal 6 inches of hot pink. You were safe.

“Looking for this?” A light buzz rang in your ear, your head tilting to meet Toji’s namesake.

“G-give it back!” You dived forward, gracelessly collapsing at his feet when he pulled it out of reach.

“Come and get it,” Toji retorted, wiggling it before your very eyes.

Piecing a loose strand of hair behind your ear, you pounced at him, fingers locking around the silicone and his hand, while he refused to surrender, his thrilled expression revealing just how much he enjoyed the demand in your tone as you bossed him into handing back the vibrator.

“What will I get in return?”

“Wha— why would you get anything?” You gritted your teeth, stumbling forward as he dragged you to him.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” he shook his forefinger playfully. “Finders keepers, losers weepers. If ya really want it, better compensate me first. Oh, look, it has multiple speeds, huh….” he said semi-impressed, revving up the rabbit’s switch to its second and third speeds.

“…What do you want?” You practically begged, seeking a way out of this humiliation.

“Now we talking,” Toji smirked, barely restraining himself from ruffling the hair of the ferocious, albeit cute, beast that attacked him. “2912. What do the numbers mean? Tried your birthday first, but seems like you do have a few brain cells in there,” he tapped at your temple with his free hand, frustration pooling in your eyes. “Then your mom’s death anniversary, your sis’ birthday, that brat’s too— even mine, but no good.

“So, what’s 2912 to you? Indulge me, and I’ll let you have it.”

2912, or more accurately, 29/12. It didn’t surprise you that he didn’t remember. After all, it wasn’t an important date, just another winter’s day from many, many years ago. A day that was all but erased under the thick blanket of snow as it engulfed your tender memories.

A heavy sigh parted your lips, and at that moment, you knew you’d already lost.

“You really wanna know?”

It was the 27th of December.

The 27th morning of a month whose sole notable event was the week-long blizzard that’d condemned the entire nation to a period of absolute and unfaltering inertia. Well, as unfaltering as the in-between downpours let it be, snow washing over the streets in a diluted mixture of ice and mud every two days— streets turning into a dangerous minefield, and hospital beds quickly filling up with broken-boned smarty pants who thought wandering out and about in the heart of winter would be as inconsequential as those dull days were.

You were one of those idiots. Not quite, but you were on your way to join their ranks, every step you took across the frozen pavements of Tokyo threatening to leave you with a bad case of a sprained ankle, or worse, a cracked skull. You regretted wearing those worn-out boots today of all days, but then again, your wardrobe choices were limited to whatever clothing you’d grown out of, and the clothes your mother left behind.

This old suede pair was hers, too. A gift from back when your house was still open to crowds and birthday parties— when it wasn’t just an empty carcass of termite-eaten joists and web-infested corners that could barely welcome, let alone host, the final of its residents: yourself.

Returning to the reason why you’d chosen today as the day to stride across Shibuya —a thermos of soothing Butajiru soup gripped tightly between your mitten-clad palms and a backpack full of advertising fliers for your afternoon job attached to your back— and consequentially, the reason why you sported your mother’s beloved shoes: you had a job interview. Your first non-canceled interview in over two months since your personal inertia began when you were suddenly and unjustifiably laid off.

Those were tough times. The entire country was dipped in despair over the biggest economic recession they’d known. Left and right, people had their jobs snatched from within their grasp in the name of meek excuses such as cost reduction, or merging and buyouts, or even staff redundancy, and who could blame those small enterprise owners, really?

In any case, the cost of running your previous employer’s rathole of a convenience store might have been reduced, but your living expenses weren’t, and the supplementary funds the state provided were running dry. No one wanted to hire an inexperienced, uninsured high schooler. It was too much of a gamble, especially when the contenders were overqualified college graduates desperate enough to work menial jobs for the same breadcrumbs a part-timer would.

You were at your wit’s end. Out of luck and starved for something other than vending machine onigiri. Thirsty for a life you’d probably never be able to obtain. But today wasn’t about wallowing in self-pity. No, today was the day you’d take your first step toward normality and dignity. Today, you marched proudly in your mother’s most prized possession, and today you felt her comforting scent linger in the breeze, giving you the much-needed push to achieve what you’d set out to do.

Live. That was the final request that left her lips, and that was exactly what you were planning to do. You’d live. No matter what, against all odds, you would live.

The headlights at the bustling intersection shone a brilliant green as the herd of sharply dressed businessmen and casually dressed students on their day off pushed forward like a troop of toy soldiers, sweeping you past Shibuya River, where the crystallized waters from below its bridge stilled your grimacing reflection.

It’d been so long since the last time you’d genuinely smiled that your facial muscles barely remembered how to. It looked awkward and forced. Foreign. You’d practiced your introduction days ahead, but that damn smile stood in the way. If only there was a “smiles for dummies” playbook, though you doubted it’d help. Those without a reason to smile could only second-guess the happiness of those who were blessed with it.

As if to further test your theory, today’s misfortune came pedaling right in your direction, a hasty biker knocking the thermos off your hands and onto the water with a faint “sorry” echoing in his stead. You ducked over the handrail, spotting the silver shine a couple of meters away from the river’s brink. You sighed in relief, grateful that the impact hadn’t shattered the ice and that you still had about 45 minutes to catch your interview— more than enough time for you to carry out your flask’s impromptu rescue operation.

You walked over to the bridge’s sideline, where, in place of stairs, an overgrown cherry tree cast its shadow. This was far from sensible, but the cliff wasn’t steep enough to dissuade you. You looped your scarf around a leaning branch and began your descent, the non-existent friction between your tattered soles and the slippery cement sending you to meet your maker as you tumbled down the slope and hit the ground. Shit.

Once you were done lamenting your sheer idiocy, your faulty shoes, the tree branch, the weather forecast, and every Shinto deity’s name you could remember off the top of your head, you pushed yourself onto your knees, carefully rotating each ankle around itself. Not broken. Thank those aforementioned gods you cursed, or else you’d never be able to afford the medical bills.

You shook the snow off your clothes and stood up, stretching both arms over your head, only to realize your blunder had become a lonesome spectator’s object of amusement. The man —assuming that the creature behind you was a man and not some wild beast with the way his jacket fluffed over his skull— was bent in half, knees to his chest, and arms coiled around, the sole distinctive trait that of his sparkling green eyes zeroing in on your plainer orbs.

You could have sworn you heard a chuckle, too, but you weren’t about to start a fight with some unhinged bum at the bottom of a bridge— not when you were one missed bill away from sharing his fate.

Deciding to temporarily forsake his presence, you located the now broken branch and attempted to fish your bottle out, moving as close to the ice as you could. Desperate lunges pushed the thermos further in, your hold on the wood relaxing with each failed attempt until you barely had a grip.

“Excuse me!” you turned at your last resort. “Hi, um… could you please help me out here? I dropped this into the water, and it’s really important I get it back, but my arms can’t reach and the ice is so thin and slippery I just might fall.”

An uncomfortable chuckle failed to appease its tough crowd, with the man remaining lost in his thoughts, his eyes blinking slower than traffic lights during rush hours. It seemed like you’d found the worst person to exercise your communication skills with.

“Hello? Can you hear me?”

“Shut up.”

It was your turn to blink in surprise, your jaw dropping at the man’s barking. You were too shocked to be offended and too offended to question if it was you he addressed, but his next sentence left no real room for misunderstanding.

“I said, shut the fuck up and take it elsewhere. You were the one who dropped it. If it was that important to you, then shoulda taken better care of it instead of avalanching your way down here and disturbing my peace.”

Clapping your hands over your agape mouth, you muttered an apology and faced away from him, coming to your senses a minute later when you realized you weren’t in the wrong. Sure, he could be dealing with some lachrymose life-shattering situation you knew nothing about, but that wasn’t an excuse for him to act like a complete jerk to a fellow stranger in need.

You weren’t sure why you held back from flipping him off. Maybe you’d accepted that dealing with douchebags was going to become part of your new reality as a service worker, or maybe it was because you really didn’t want any trouble with a guy who looked this intimidating even while seated. Either way, you whipped out your trusty branch again and neared the brink, this time using it as a cane to help you tread the frozen waters and snatch your thermos.

You didn’t even get a chance at a victorious cheer when you felt the ice shatter beneath your feet, eager to swallow you into the depths of its bottomless abyss. Or that’s what would have happened if the river didn’t cap at 2 meters, and if a hand didn’t yank you by the scruff of your neck, hurling you back to the shore as if you weighed no more than a snowflake.

“The hell you think you are doing? Got a death wish or something?” the brass voice of your savior accused, belonging to a much more pleasant and youthful face than one would have expected.

The boy was more or less your age, about a head taller with broad shoulders and a toned physique his baggy clothes undermined— much stronger than your average high-schooler, judging by the sheer strength he’d flung your body with. Messy raven black hair rained down to his ears, sloppily chopped into shape by their owner himself. Eyes as green as a thousand springs gone by, and as fiery as the blazing fury scorching them. The only discord in his features was that of a scar on the right side of his lips, begrudgingly moving with each profanity he spat.

Your second apology came as a knee-jerk reaction to his outburst, encouraged by the temporal trance his good looks had subjected you to. You wouldn’t say you had a type, and even if you did, you doubted that a no-good, rude bridge inhabitant was it. However, the only way for you to tear your gaze off of him was to physically force yourself away. The guy murmured something under his breath and moved back to his original spot, arms dangling over his spread thighs.

You were unsure of what to do. The time for your interview was closing in, and no one guaranteed he wouldn’t rip the vocal cords off your throat if you tried to verbally thank him. You had a very bad feeling about this guy, and perhaps you should have listened to your gut rather than nullifying the distance with a peace offering.

“Here,” you prodded a spare cup of soup into the empty space between you.

He arched a brow at your gesture, his irritation gradually melting into curiosity and then acceptance as he brought the cup to his lips and took a hesitant sip.

“Hmm,” he hummed, gulping down some more after he’d made sure you weren’t trying to poison him.

You expected something else to follow, but it seemed like his outburst exhausted his vocabulary. You could always ask what he thought of it, but the thought alone was as scary as going for another suicide dive. So you said nothing, and he did the same. Just two strangers who barely tolerated each other sharing a moment of silence in the snowy landscape.

A short while later, the boy shoved the cup toward you and dug his hand in his jacket’s front pocket, dropping about six crumpled ten-thousand yen bills at your feet.

“For the soup,” he explained as if the notion of spending such an extravagant sum on half a cup of pork loin soup made sense.

“Are you outta your mind?” You pushed the bills back at him, lest your greed take over. “How much do you think this cost to make?”

“Dunno,” he shrugged, no real hurry to reclaim his cash.

Your initial impression was completely false. No bum would ever wave ten-thousand bills around as if they were nothing. No, this guy ought to at least be some troubled conglomerate heir that’d run away from his five-bedroom mansion.

“I’m sure you don’t know how dangerous this neighborhood is,” you said, placing your hand against your heart. “But as a born and raised local, allow me to say that if you keep flaunting wads of cash in people’s faces so recklessly, it won’t be long before you get mugged. It’s your lucky day you ran into me and not some sleazy money grabber, but trust me, not every day’s lucky, and not everyone’s as nice.”

Something about what you said must have resonated with him, considering his frown cracked into a simper.

“I’d like to see them try,” he spoke in a cocky tone that reeked of confidence. “How much for seconds then?”

“Not for sale,” you answered, throwing the thermos inside your backpack.

His weight shifted in your direction, chin balancing against his elbow. “Why not?”

“You see, I’m on my way to a job interview. Figured if I don’t cut it, then the soup will,” quickly adding, “It’s my trump card.”

“What a dumb plan,” he sneered. “If ya wanna bribe someone, better make an offer they can’t refuse. Couple of these work like a charm.”

He waved the money again, successfully drawing your interest when you noticed tiny splotches of red on one of the bills. Blood.

Picking up on the change in your expression, he hurriedly stuffed the cash inside his pocket, his thumbs sticking out in a relaxed grip so as to hide his discomfort. The air grew heavy once more, albeit for a different reason.

Every guess you’d made regarding this guy’s identity clashed with the next one. He was rude, but he’d jumped to your rescue. He looked unkempt yet strikingly handsome. He’d taken refuge under a bridge but was damn loaded. A walking (more like seated) contradiction of a man that intrigued you in more ways than he repulsed you.

“So, what are you doing out here? Did you also fall from up there?” You chuckled nervously while pointing upward.

He smiled.

“That’s a pretty old-school pickup line, if ya ask me.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Your chest pounded against your fleece jacket, hands quick to dispute him. “Did something happen? Why did you end up here?”

He shook his head.

“Did you run away from home?”

He shook his head again.

“Did you get into a fight with someone?”

He thought about shaking his head a third time, but instead, he opted for a groan and hissed about how he should have let you drown.

Your tongue embarrassed you yet again, as you mumbled an apology and cowered in your corner. For some reason, you couldn’t stop apologizing to him, and if that was enough to frustrate you, then it was definitely enough to annoy him. Maybe the time to leave had come. You’d done your part in thanking him, and it was really none of your business to pry into his sad character backstory.

“Well then. It was nice knowing you, and all. Hope you have a Happy New Year’s and a nice life, and let’s never see each other again for as long as we-”

“What if I told you I just killed someone?”

The blood in your veins froze for a reason separate from the cold. You were left staring at him with wide-open eyes and a wide-open mouth that refused to form anything other than a soundless “What?!”

“Thought so,” he scoffed as if he expected the outcome, sorrow lingering in his voice. “Go away if ya don’t wanna end up the same way. I’m still getting the hang of it, and I’m afraid it’d hurt more than drowning.”

But you didn’t leave. Even when that little voice of reason thrashed and begged for you to seize the opportunity and get the fuck away from this place, your legs refused to take another step. Instead, you settled back upon the snowy blanket and stilled your gaze on his face, watching a glimmer of something tune in the green of his eyes.

“W-Who was it?” You feigned calmness.

“Does it matter?” he shrugged.

“Why did you kill him?”

“Does it really matter?” he sighed, reconsidering his answer. “Dunno. Money, I guess. Not as if I had a personal grudge or anything. Didn’t even know the dude up until three days ago. Took him out with a single bullet to his brain. T’was instant since he didn’t move. Painless, too.” He tried to humanize his actions.

You weren’t entirely sold on his story, but on the off chance he was telling the truth, that made him a murderer and you a witness to his crime. Worse, if you didn’t rat on him, it made you an accomplice, and as far as you were concerned, neither was less illegal than the other.

Your hands cupped your mouth completely as you pretended to blow hot air, the reality being that you didn’t want to spew anything too backhanded before thinking things through. Oddly, it all made sense. The reason he sat down there like a puppy kicked by his owners. His devil-may-care attitude and rude comments that meant to throw you off. The blood on the bills and the stain on the hem of his jacket that you’d previously overlooked.

That was all the incriminating evidence one needed to possibly sentence him, and yet you sensed no real danger in his presence. Only a deep sadness that stemmed from his lifeless eyes, making you believe that his so-called victim was none other than himself. He looked as if he hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep in God knows how long, the light in his eyes reduced to a murky shade of jade now that everything was laid bare.

There was so much you didn’t know about this boy, his name included. But you knew that look of despair all too well. If it was because of money, then maybe, just this once, you wouldn’t mind giving him the benefit of the doubt.

“How much did you make?” You lowered your palms.

Your question surprised him more than he thought possible, and his stupefied expression was a telltale sign of that. He flipped both pockets inside out and let the money fall onto the snow, revealing twice the amount he’d held before— a total of 120.000 yen.

“Minus a grand. Felt hungry after,” he admitted.

“Must be nice… With that amount of money, I could have rice to last me until the end of the year.”

“You’d kill for rice…?”

Glancing at his face, you couldn’t help yourself from snorting. You were both too deep inside the twilight zone to be questioning each other’s motives.

“Why act surprised? People like us do all sorts of things to get out of our predicaments, don’t we?” you asked, deciding there were more things you had in common than things that divided you. “Is ‘just money’ a better reason than rice?”

“Nah,” he shook his head. “But if I were you, I’d get myself a pair of boots that ain’t a death trap of its own. Gotta be a special kind of idiot to wear crappy shoes in the snow.”

“These were my mother’s!” you objected, and he smirked. “What about you? Where do you plan on spending all that money?”

“Roppongi probably. Or Kabukicho. Heard the right price fetches you the right type of fun there.”

He couldn’t be serious. Those were two of the most renowned bad districts in the history of bad districts. Drugs, gambling, prostitution— you name it.

“How old are you again?”

“Older than you,” he childishly retorted.

“What’s your name?”

“So you can snitch?” His tongue wet the scar below his bottom lip. “Toji.”

“Last name?”

He contemplated his answer for a bit before proudly stating that he didn’t have one —that he didn’t need one— and then he asked you the same.

“Y/N.” You smiled faintly. “I do have a last name, but doubt the one who gave it wants me to have it. Would’ve asked it back if it had any real value.”

“So we are two fuck-ups,” he— Toji, declared.

“I suppose we are.”

The two of you shared a quiet laugh, the kind that wasn’t heard but felt through the eyes of two kindred spirits entirely content with each other’s presence. Ever since your mother passed, you lived in a sphere separate from other people. Your classmates and those who tried to be your friends could afford the luxury of sharing takoyaki on a school day and going karaoke singing the next. They could attend field trips and leave memories on a string of Polaroid frames.

You didn’t. You couldn’t. There wasn’t a single moment in your life when you hadn’t thought about the cost of milk and the value of one-plus-one deals you convinced yourself you didn’t need. Such were the concerns you had at seventeen. Not boys, no friendships, no university entrance exams, no nothing. You couldn’t afford the price tag of a dream, let alone a tomorrow. You lived for today and for making ends meet, so how could someone like you ever aspire to be understood? How could you ever view yourself as something other than the zeros at the bottom of your meager paycheck?

Your self-exile had no room for others, yet somehow, this foul-mouthed stranger had barged his way in and given you a moment that you couldn’t price. A moment that neither loan sharks nor the bank could ever steal. A moment of your youth.

The thick fingers of a calloused hand came to tap at your knee softly, making you wonder whether you’d missed something during your short period of contemplation.

“When’s the interview?” Toji asked.

“Uhm.” You rolled your sleeve to check your watch. “Ten minutes? There’s still time; the place’s right around the corner.”

“Somethin’ tells me getting your ass over there will take longer than that.” Suddenly, the hand that was on your leg hovered above your head, prompting you to grab it as Toji towered over you. “Let’s go.”

“You coming with?”

“You think I’d rather sit down here like some bridge troll that reels in defenseless damsels in distress?”

You were tempted to answer “yes” to see his reaction, but he resumed talking before you could utter a word. “Won’t say it again. Let’s go.”

And with that, you followed Toji to the other end of the bridge, where the stairs you previously failed to locate mocked you with every little squeak your heels produced, until you stood back at the top of civilization, finding it, unsurprisingly, the same as you’d left it. Thoroughly white and eerily quiet.

Just as you thought your ways would part, Toji took your hand in his rather forcefully and picked up a steady gait that you were made to keep up with, your shoes leaving deep imprints in the snow.

He held your hand all the way to the diner, and although you were truly curious as to why he did that, you didn’t dare ask. You walked side by side in silence, occasional fleeting gazes catching his warm breath clashing with the cold. It was then that you realized how warm his palm felt, despite it being all bare. Warm, strong, and certain. So this is what holding a guy’s hand feels like, you giddily mused.

By the time you reached the front door, you were more reluctant to let go than you’d been to grab his hand, thinking that this was the first and last time the two of you were saying goodbye. Sweat made your fingers slippery. You were anxious. You slid your mittens off your fingers and, on a whim, pressed them tight against his palms, making him the recipient of the first gift you’d ever given. He shot the pink-colored wool a funny look —maybe because the prospect of him accepting such a girly-looking accessory puzzled him— and then lingered for a moment or two before he turned around and waved at you over his shoulder.

“Aren’t you gonna wish me good luck?” You asked when the distance between you began to increase.

“You won’t need it,” you heard him say. “The soup will do.”

And with those final words exchanged, you traded the frigid cold for the diner’s artificial heat and the presence of a prospective friend for that of your boss-to-be.

Just like Toji predicted, you didn’t need luck, and you didn’t need that lukewarm soup either. The man hired you almost as fast as he saw you, sternly announcing that you start come Monday. You thanked him from the bottom of your heart and ran back outside, searching through the various white-painted buildings for that stubborn hint of black you’d not too long ago parted with— which you quickly spotted a couple of alleyways ahead.

“I got the job! You hear me, Toji?” You yelled in utter glee, sensibility alone keeping you from springing upward like a jack-in-the-box. “I’m not a fuck-up anymore; I got it! I got the job!”

You weren’t even sure whether that shadow really belonged to him and whether he’d actually made sense of all your frantic cries, but maybe if you’d hushed a little, then you could have heard a distant voice chiming, “I knew you would.”

It was the 27th of December when we first met, but it was on the 29th that I fell in love with you— the scruffy boy with the snow-laced hair and emptied pockets who ordered the cheapest fries off the menu as my company’s fee.

You had your answer locked and loaded— a trigger waiting to be pulled. A clear shot. One bullet was all it’d take to end it. One word, and the farce you called friendship would fizzle right then and there. A sadistic impulse uncoiled deep within your stomach, hitching up your throat like a vile serpent of temptation spurring your chaste tongue to commit the greatest sin imaginable.

I hate being your friend. I don’t want to do this anymore. Do you have any idea how hard it is?

All synonyms for the same emotion. A gut-wrenching, soul-crushing, and above all, self-destructive unrequited love that made your heart clench at the mere sight of him, pound at the sound of his voice, and hammer at the ghost of his touch. If you could reach deep within your chest and cut that useless thing off the strings that held it in its cavity, you certainly would. You’d hand it over to him and gladly watch him stomp on it with the biggest smile contorting the final expression on your face. You wanted to rid yourself of this pointless emotion, but you knew very well that to destroy yourself meant to destroy him.

The 18-year-old Toji that held your hand on a cold winter’s day as if it were the most precious thing to him. The 20-year-old Toji that came along to meet the sister and nephew you didn’t know you had. The 22-year-old Toji that said he was proud of you when you paid off your parents’ house’s mortgage. The 24-year-old Toji that came to your graduation from state college with blood-stained lilies in his hand, again letting slip how proud he was. The 26-year-old Toji that didn’t hesitate to knock the teeth right out of a handsy prick’s jaw, spending his first and last night in a holding cell. The Toji from the last ten years of your life that never strayed too far away from your sight and always managed to return in time for lunch.

Standing in front of the 28-year-old Toji, you felt more apologetic than ever, wishing that you wouldn’t have let your love for him fester into something so selfish and consuming. Because if Toji left, then you’d still have your sister and her family, but if you left, Toji would have none.

And that was why you could never tell him what that day meant. It was impossible to speak of it with any less fondness than the one depicted in your memories, and as dense as Toji could be at times, he was no idiot. So rather than giving him the answer he thought himself to seek, you retracted your hand and took a step back, forcing the meekest smile your guilty conscience could muster.

“How about an offer you’d never refuse?”

tags: @absoluteindulgence

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theflagscene · 3 months

Text

Let’s talk about Mr. Keng

There’s something I found really odd about the interactions between Non and Keng, besides the whole fucking each other thing. I’m not downplaying the misuse of power and the inherent wrongness of the teacher/student relationship here, but I am used to seeing it over the years in queer media so I wasn’t shocked by it tbh. I don’t know why but there are a lot of queer media over the many years I’ve been watching it that seem to pair an exceptional student with a teacher, or even adults with barely legal teenagers. It’s some weird taboo in queer media and I honestly think it’s because of how common age gap relationships are in the queer community, but we’re not here to dissect that.

So going back to Mr. Keng’s interaction with Non, in episode five, six and seven. It’s clear that he zeros in on Non’s exceptionality, the only student to actually understand his question and Non was barely paying attention. Mr. Keng’s interest was piqued right then and there, and my first thought was that they were going to make him a total creep. Which they seemed to be leaning toward when he put special interest in Non, then in episode six we get Non breaking down and finally admitting to him what was going on and why he needed the money. Mr. Keng offering the money so readily also made it seem again that he was a creep, it was a clear grooming tactic. Making Non feel like he owed him something without Keng even having to say; you owe me.

You could say that Non was a willing participant in their first sexual encounter as he was the one who went in for the more passionate kiss, but again that is what grooming does. And while yes Non is sexually active, he’s 16/17 at the most, sleeping with Phee is completely different. Phee is older by less than a year considering he finished off 12th grade with the other boys after Non ‘disappeared’. Being able to consent to sex with an equal is completely different than ‘consenting’ to having sex with someone who should know that what they’re doing is not right!

Moving onto episode seven, there’s a new level to Keng, he’s working to bring down the illegal gambling ring with an undercover reporter. So he’s just using Non, right? He found out what Non was into and saw it as an opportunity to get names and information, so he’s a groomer and a manipulative liar. Great, send this fucker straight to hell!

What I found interesting though was that by the end of episode seven, we find him comforting Non about the video, Non sobbing in his arms and Keng reassures him that things will be okay. That… doesn’t seem like the reaction of a man who’s just found out that his entire career might be over, that he could very well face jail time. There was no blame, no anger directed at Non, just concern. And then Phee showed up, he attacked Keng, rather violently if the bruises on JJ’s back are anything to go by. Phee kept telling Keng to leave, to fuck off, to just go! He kept shoving him into chairs and walls, but Keng never once left. He stayed there, quietly, not trusting Phee to be alone with Non.

And after Phee broke up with Non, telling him to go die, Non has a full blown breakdown. He’s screaming, sobbing hysterically, hitting himself. What does Keng do? He gets down onto the floor and he grabs Non, stops him from hurting himself, shushes him, holds him, comforts him, rocks the sobbing teen in his arms. None of these things seem to be the action of a person who doesn’t care. Am I saying Mr. Keng is in the right? No! Absolutely not! The dude is a creep, he did terrible things and never should’ve done the things he did. But what I was hit with was that it seemed like Mr. Keng—in his own weird way—actually did genuinely care about Non and his wellbeing.

It was very odd to see, because for the previous two episodes there was a very clear set up of how you’re supposed to see him, how you’re supposed to view his interactions with Non. Then by the end of episode seven, he’s caring and concerned and refuses to leave Non in his moment of need even as Phee demands that he does. I think Keng genuinely liked Non, in his own weird highly illegal way. So it’ll be interesting to see who exactly kills him (my money is on Phee or Jin) and if he repents whatsoever or doubles down on his claim that he actually did like Non, as both a student but a lover.

#dff the series #dead friend forever #dff theory

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cato616 · 6 months

Text

THE ESCAPE

mobius/loki x f!reader

note! I feel like this will be a weird ass one shot I don't know y'all will tell me I just thought of this about one of my fake scenarios and put it here 💀

summary: mobius and loki have traveled way back in time working on their mission where you were living, however you weren't a local on that time either but had no clue you would find mobius nor loki interrupting what was your break from everything, your escape.

words: 2.9k

content: I don't know what to make of it JUST A SOFT NICE FLUFF FANFIC hope you enjoy it :)

some time in the early 19th century you found yourself being surrounded by other friendly gentle ladies of your age of which you pretended were your long time friends as you have decided to befriend them and make you part of their community, since when you arrived had nowhere to reside, of course we're talking about when you arrived at that time.

when you were working at the TVA, always forever unhappy wasting your neverending time in your cubicle, having tons of paperwork with no interest whatsoever. Never had motivation for anything rather than the slight hope of some miracle that could pave the road to the exit to your new life.

That's when that new loki you heard about putting the TVA in distress and making everyone finding out that they had a life, never were created by the so called "time keepers" and only because you were always curious and realized all your made up theories were right. So you wasted your time no more, and took action while everything was out of control. You read lots of book in your free time, one of them was a guide book written by a loner called "ouroboros" and knew there will be free tem pads in plain sight for you to take. So you headed down to a place people never went, repairs and advancement department, slowly lurking around the place trying to find a tem pad that was already fixed. Right when you were about to grab one, a tiny man jumped out from the other side of the station desk, made you jump and scream.

oh no, im really sorry I scared you like that it surprises me that someone shows up on my workshop after hundred of years... hello! my name is ouroboros, can I help you with anything?... ma'am?

while still having your heart on your throat, thinking hunters were ready to prune you, your face turned to confusion, as of why this kind man was the only one in this room by himself

actually... I am in need of a tem pad if- if you have one... that works.

you felt bad using him like that since he seemed harmless; however, OB didn't hesitate and gave you your own tem pad. you thank him, he nodded and smiled.

You exit the department as you walk down fast to a corridor where no one would see you. Opened the tem pad for the first time, luckily you already read everything about it and knew how to operate it. You also did some investigation about time periods the tva went to on your breaks. So you try to determine the time period will you start your peaceful new life. and so you decide.

---------------------------------

Some time after day one of your escape, everything changed in your person, you were always moody back then, but now you have friends, a beautiful place to live with miles and miles of a landscape and pretty dresses to wear that you weren't very fond of it but since you started wearing them you found yourself a little bit more than before, because you were enjoying it, yourself and your time there, you were happy, finally.

Time passes and there was this lovely sunny day, walking down the enormous green field with your group of friends, feeling as graceful as ever, going back to the boarding residence chatting and laughing.

Right when you were walking up the stairs to the main entrance, two men you could vaguely see from afar, were standing inside greeting the girls.

When you got closer, you recognize these two men, loki the variant and mobius... that if he knows who you are, will snatch you right back to the tva. You were seconds away from losing everything, you couldn't resist and kept on looking at them in shock while still walking, unfortunately loki caught your eye, and made you extremely nervous, however you tilt your head back up and notice loki whispering to mobius only to then having both of them glancing back at you, with suspicious. You stopped looking, heart beating faster. Fortunately, a distraction saved you from the moment, a superior woman of the house greeting them. Gave you enough time to rapidly hide behind the wall between the two main doors. If you were to have the tem pad in your hand, would've been really useful but it was very well hidden inside a wooden floor in the house, so you would have to escape the ordinary way.

oh how wonderful having guests here, I'm very sorry I haven't introduced myself, welcome to our boarding school, I'm Mrs Smith, I haven't seen you here before, you're not from here Mr...?

Yes! Mr laufeyson and this is Mr... Wilson... yeah- mobius interrupts

I'm sorry Mrs smith, we just have a quick question, was someone in this house recently taken in?

You kept yourself silent on the other side of the wall, trying to hear the conversation that was gradually changing the subject, about you.

Well Mr Wilson we have students and lots of workers who reside here every year, however, as a matter of fact, we did took in a young woman this very year, she was in distress, we wanted us to give her a place to stay for a while, and for our surprise she was more clever than we thought, so we offered her to be one of our auxiliary teacher in this boarding school. She goes by the name Ms. Green... is that who you were looking for?

We're not sure- do you know where she could be?

Well she could definitely be in of one of the classrooms

Never felt so tense about a situation, knowing this life of yours could be at risk. Trying to get closer to the door to listen better while trembling and shaking is what you shouldn't do, but did anyways, and made you slightly slip. That's when you kept yourself completely still against the wall, not wanting to move a muscle. You hear a thank you from inside, only to then see the woman walking down to the other room, and that's the only pair of legs you see walking by; slowly you try to move your body to take a peek, to find yourself with nothing, there was no one there, you got yourself up, thinking you got now a way to escape. The second you take one step, you see shadows from behind, you turn your body, and try not get completely shook by it them.

hello there... I think I saw you walking by with the other ladies but looks like you didn't came inside at all, where you hiding right now... Ms...?

Ms green... and no, nonono I was just... enjoying the sun before entering class! teaching is can be exhausting...

Loki had his mischievous ways when he would keep smiling at you as he would know you were already lying to him.

Oh so you're the Ms green we hear about, they say that you're very clever, is that right-

Mobius interrupts loki, grabbing him on the arm to have a quick chat, but all you hear was murmuring.

Okay Ms green, to the point, why were you there behind the wall? who are you, what is your intention with us?

Mobius' leading questions definitely made you panicked, you started to stutter, without saying a word you were basically making yourself even more suspicious than before.

i- well--

no clue on what you could say to these men was making you feeling surrendered, but you realized! the only thing to get out of this misery is to say something on the least embarrassing, just enough to make them keep them loading and make the situation awkward.

i-- im into older guys! ... lads! I'm into older lads! (since older guys didn't sound that victorian-era to you)

both loki and mobius were silent, not knowing what to say.

o-older guys? you say?

Although mobius was just as stunned as loki, he suddenly started chuckling, loki was even more confused seeing mobius laugh at the situation.

Right, okay Ms green, that's funny, older guys it's your thing, very believable

Mobius, you do know, that it is actually, a thing... ?

Mobius turned at loki perplexed by his comment. You didn't say anything, just watching both loki and mobius discussing about your interest you just made up (well, kind of)

how is that even possible? hipothetically, someone as old as me, per se... how can I be a romantic interest to someone practically young as her?

Although it was clear you've already made a distraction for yourself, the conversation was getting more interesting than you thought, so you just stood there.

wow- I mean, I understand why you wouldn't understand it but- anyway... there's a concept of sort called, attraction, I don't know maybe you didn't hear of it-

oh my god, yes loki of course I know about attraction, I'm not stupid I'm an analyst, I would know about this stuff. Mobius was getting uptight.

Well you sure haven't experienced it...

Both loki and mobius now turned to you, loki looked surprised, mobius seemed bothered and you, who just realized that came out of your mouth, completely fazed.

You know what, that wasn't my place, I'm really sorry Mr Williams... you'd have to forgive I have to teach-

As soon as you tried to step out, a hand grabbing your shoulder was stopping you for going any further. loki of course

I'm sorry sweetheart, you are going to forgive me now, but I'm sure the class won't mind not having their auxiliary teacher for a day Ms green, if that's even your real name... did you got here looked over the grass and came up with that? pretty lazy to me... anyway, what I mean is, I know my ways, when someone is the god of mischief, I'm pretty sure I would know when someone is lying... don't you think?

you don't say anything, your body doesn't move but you're eyes seem to express the alarming situation that you were feeling.

mobius was even feeling proud of loki kind of smirking, so now he was taking the lead, loki did his part.

right... so let's start from the beginning, who are you... full name if you must, and no more of the I like older guys stuff-

sorry, I don't want to interrupt anymore... but that bit may be true- you know what nevermind you don't need to know that...

alright sure, you are just like loki were at first, so stop messing around with things that has nothing to do with this-

something about being interrogated was making you nervous, not knowing what to do, your body was rejecting the idea of ever going back to the tva, but on the other hand, was looking for any solution that could let you escape your place... any reckless solution

fine! I'll kiss you if you want proof!-

what? I'd like you not to-

you uncontrollably threw yourself over mobius and kissed him, a strong but short kiss. When you pushed yourself away to regain conscious and realize what you just did, you looked at mobius, he stayed in his place, almost shocked with your relentless action.

you left him... loading, kind of. Mobius- loki snapped his fingers to wake him up. He immediately zones back and turns to loki and whispers.

I think you're going to take the lead, im... going to be... over there, looking at the landscape...

He doesn't say anything more than that and walks away, while both you and loki watching mobius not being himself, loki side eye you with concern, you grinned at him innocently, and guilty. He grinned back.

Looks like the power of seduction worked, good for you, but I think it's a good time to talk now, starting by a name...

you felt defeated, nothing more to say or to defend yourself, if you were going to run away, they would definitely catch you, so you confess

I don't like my old name, and I don't think I could go back, my working life there was dreadful, it wasn't a life at all, always work and forever work, even worse, I thought I was doing it for the greater good, but instead I found out I was taken from my old life and put me on a desk for eternity... then I discovered this place, I've never been more happy... so if begging won't be enough for you not leaving me be, you would leave me no other choice but to fight... for the sun, for the flowers, the long landscape, my new life, for me.

You have defended yourself, you felt confident, even though your heart was pounding like never before, you were ready to act at any given moment. However, loki felt the opposite, feelings weren't bitterness any longer, his had sweet eyes while kindly smiling at you. He nodded gently, cautiously took your hand, which made confused and jumbled, and kissed it. You didn't know how to react, maybe you didn't have to escape from them after all.

I'm sorry about that, Ms green... I feel like you would need a first name don't you think? since you were talking about flowers... how about, lily! that you would suit you I think... (you nodded almost tearful, you don't feel in danger, but instead safer than before) so now that you represent a landscape, wherever you go, home will be with you, lily... because... I want to suggest something, your home, could no longer exist, if you wanna fight for it, you'd have to come to join us, and fight by our side... so that you could live here, for the rest of your life.

You smiled back, you've found a reason to end your never-ending paranoia of losing your new home, even though you were going to have to fight for it yourself, at least you knew you were going to be in good company, and who knows, maybe you'll get to win, and feel peace at last, and not hide every time something seems off.

You agreed nodding, loki never seemed so friendly about a situation, he felt a light of comfort after a long dark past.

I think you should get change first, i mean- you could definitely pull the off while on a killings spree, just a recommendation... (loki then gets closer, with an awkward posture and lower voice, he whispered) you know, I have experience with uncomfortable, sort of, battle leather clothes... even a formal suit it's way more comfortable than the things I wore...

You both chuckled, you were being friendly and kind of flirting with each other, it was a nice moment. He winked at you, and so you went to change yourself, and to look for your hidden tem pad.

Ms green! wh-where are you going with that bag?... and that man suit, say ms green... are you leaving?

looked like Mrs Smith have caught you right when you were about to save yourself from an awkward goodbye, when you then realize it wasn't.

oh no mrs smith! im not leaving, I was on my way to let you know, I was leaving, but only temporary, I'll be back, something urgent came up... family...

oh well dear, don't you worry about it, they always come first, we'll be fine without our auxiliary teacher for a while, but make sure you do come back.

of course I will

you gave mrs smith a warm smile, and waved goodbye. you got back with loki and mobius. Something felt uneasy about leaving what brought you happiness after an eternal missery, so it wasn't that simple to just leave, but now you had a chance to fight for it, fight for something in your life.

ready when you are

mobius said to both of you, walking towards him, while he was waiting besides an open portal he just called with the tem pad. All three were standing in front of it, you were too nervous to make the first step, on going back, there. Loki noticed, so he gently grabbed your hand, and smirked sweetly at you.

Mobius tried to do an ice-breaker out of the situation.

All this makes me want to confess about that kiss earlier, made me think... wasn't bad, if it happens that you make yourself nervous and accidentally kiss me... I'll be there, to accidentally kiss you back, im just saying...

Both you and mobius blush when joking about it, but you flushed even more red after he first walks into the portal, and can't keep your head straight.

There's something to motivate you now to get there... after you.

Loki jokes and smiles at you, making you go first to go in. He's right tho, this new adventure it made you feel excited and amused, something to live for, for a while.

and so you go in, still grabbing loki's hands, making him follow you next. Portal closes, and an adventure begins.

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honest-moth-of-silver-grove · 2 months

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Yooo askbox open :]

Could I get a Castlevania matchup, one female and one male character? I am fine with poly, and also the more background characters :]

I'm a bisexual guy. Once I'm past my initial `terrified of everything' and 'extremely withdrawn' phase of anxiety, I'm very energetic (though not very loud) and flirty. l love all fields of science, especially mathematics and physics. Very nerdy/ geeky, and I also paint and practice

l have a very impulsive and ADHD -type of humor, though it always takes me a moment to recognize any word-play. I'm very much a thrill-seeker, and things that tend to make other's squeamish don't bother me in the slightest. I suppose for the sake of the series, gore and acts of sadism don't really phase me, at least, to the extent that I am a spectator.

A/N: Okay for you, my Flirty, ADHD-Humor Anon, I think your best Castlevania matches would be Godbrand (Male) and Greta (Female)! [Note: The writer of this ask dmed me specifically to say they were fine with more minor/background characters, just in case you were wondering how I ended up choosing these two for them.]

Godbrand, believe it or not, would be a great match for you! He is very energetic, and flirty when he wants to be. Well, he tries to be flirty, but more often than not he comes off as kind of an ass, but that’s just part of his charm!

As a Viking and a sailor, Godbrand has a particular interest in science, mostly astronomy, and geography, but he enjoys listening to all the knowledge you’re willing to share about mathematics and physics. Despite what you may think, Godbrand is rather intelligent. He may be brash and lack tact, but he does pay attention to the emotions and behaviors of others. Every once in a while his arrogance gets in the way, but for a vampire, he’s rather attuned to the mental state of those around him.

I think he’d pick up on your impulsive tendencies and ADHD-type humor fairly quickly, although that may not be a good thing, as he can be rather impulsive himself lol. The both of you are thrill seekers, so neither one of you is there to act as the stubborn voice of reason in all the escapades the two of you get up to. It drives all the others crazy, but neither you nor Godbrand pay them any mind.

Godbrand loves to show off all his combat skills to you, and he is so glad you don’t run away screaming when he demonstrates how he takes down a five-man human army all by his lonesome. He wants to show just how strong and capable he is as a mate, and this is his way of doing so. (It’s kinda sexy if we’re being honest lol.)

Godbrand will ask you to bear witness to his prowess, and then paint him something that captures his essence. You’re gonna need A LOT of red paint for such a scene.

As an INTJ you balance out his ESTP. You tend to be on the introverted intellectual side where he’s all about the immediate action. You are a great value to him, especially in how you can talk over his ideas, and help him think about them in a more nuanced way. You’re impulsive as well, but also an analyst at your core, so you are all for cheering him on: it’s just that you want him to go forward most successfully.

Who knows? The two of you together might have even changed the course of S2. Godbrand would want to act on Dracula’s noncommittal attitude, and you’d be the perfect partner to talk out a well-thought-out plan with. Instead of brashly confronting Isaac with his half-cooked idea of betrayal, perhaps the two of you as a team could have spoken to Dracula, and see if you could change his viewpoint on erasing all the humans and vampires of the world.

Greta is also a great choice as a partner for you because she’s smart and no-nonsense, but also wise enough to appreciate the energy and zest you have for life!

Greta is quite understanding in your, as you called it, ‘terrified-of-everything’ phase of anxiety. In a world full of creatures who are constantly trying to kill you, who in the hells wouldn’t be? So many of her people live with the same anxiety and fear, and as their leader, she feels responsible for reassuring them all will be well. She knows what you need to hear to calm down, and she understands this is something you need to undergo to take any next steps.

She is drawn to your energy, and how flirty you are. She, being the self-assured woman she is, flirts right back. Your fire is a welcome addition to her otherwise very realistic, sort of strict outlook on life.

She’s a leader, she needs control. She manages everyone, and it’s a difficult job. To make things easier rules and orders that are put in place. You on the other hand are impulsive, and rowdy at times. You challenge the stubborn rule-follower in her and push her to be more spontaneous and to accept the things she cannot control or change. This is also very much in line with your MBTI types, with you an INTJ, and her an ESTJ.

You’re similar enough to have a great understanding of one another, but just opposite enough to push a little where they pull. Greta challenges you to stay grounded, and to think ten steps ahead, to consider the logical consequences of potential actions.

She appreciates your love for science. Science is the future after all, and her people will need all the knowledge they can get if they are to advance their lifestyles and survive.

The fact that both of you enjoy a good thrill is great and very much necessary in this universe. She understands you’re not keen on combat, but not everyone is. She’s just very grateful you aren’t constantly breaking down or throwing up when you catch a glimpse of her spearing a night creature through the middle. It would be very disheartening for her to protect the love of her life and be met with only fear and disgust.

The other trait you share is that both of you are freakishly nonchalant at times. Night Creatures? Eh. Attempted murder? Eh. Vampires? Eh. It’s all just another Tuesday for you, and so long as you have each other, you figure the both of you will end up just fine.

#castlevania x reader #castlevania imagines #castlevania matchups #godbrand x reader #greta castlevania x reader #greta x reader #matchups #castlevania #godbrand

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writersmorgue · 3 months

Text

Febuwhump Day 6 - "you lied to me"

I may have shed a tear while writing this one.

This is a fantasy AU!! No teacher/student!!

TWs in tags || read on Ao3 || wc: 971

◈━◈━◈━◈━◈

As much as he tried to run away, Izuku had pulled him in like a magnet. They had fallen hard and fast for each other, faster than Shouta had in any of his lifetimes.

The time came to confess his truth, to finally break off their relationship and part ways. It would be easier this way, Shouta could let Izuku live on in his memory, young and vibrant as he was.

But Izuku always did love ruining Shouta’s plans.

“Shouta, it’s okay. I- I am too.”

He didn’t think he’d ever felt such a feeling before. Was it relief? Distress, maybe… Hope.

“Why… why didn’t you say anything?” He examined Izuku’s face, trying to wring out any deceit.

His lover shrugged, smiling. The barely-there crow's feet made an appearance as he nuzzled into Shouta’s hand.

“Probably for the same reason as you. I wanted to protect this. It wouldn’t work if one of us was mortal and the other…”

Shouta frowned, “I know most of the other immortals in the area, I can’t believe I never noticed you.” he swiped Izuku’s freckled cheek with his thumb.

“I’ve…” Izuku sighed, “I’ve had a tough life, Shouta. I’m just grateful that I now get to spend the rest of it with you.”

Eternity… he doesn’t say.

Truly, Shouta should’ve known it was too good to be true.

He let himself believe that it was possible, that the universe had finally granted him some sort of reprieve.

Maybe it was his desperation that led him to ignore the signs. Izuku’s aging, his spirit, his beauty.

Living for as long as Shouta had, you would lose your mind a little more with each passing decade. Cursed immortals like him don’t receive the blessing of death, but rather gradual insanity.

It was all good, all wrong.

Not two years later, it all came crashing down.

Izuku had begun looking tired and lethargic. His smile was strained and his movements painful. Shouta had insisted he go to the healer, ignoring the blaring alarm in his head that screamed this was wrong. He should be regenerating faster than his ailment could harm him.

“Shouta, don’t worry.” He brushed off every time he showed concern. “I’m fine, they can’t help.”

There was something he wasn’t telling him.

Weeks later, Izuku had awoken sometime in the night, and he hadn’t returned. After Shouta lay there unable to rest for some time, he threw the covers off of his bed and trudged into the dark of the house.

He found Izuku curled around the toilet, sitting in a pool of sweat and vomit.

Immediately he leaped into action, gathering the shivering man into his arms and lifting him. Izuku clung to his shoulders, whimpering at the movement.

He rushed them to the nearest healer, doing his best to keep Izuku conscious throughout the trip.

The old woman on duty took one look at Izuku and sighed, waving at Shouta to come through to the back.

They put him on an open cot, and Shouta immediately forewent the waiting bench, kneeling beside Izuku on the dirt.

“Shit, you’ve gotta tell me what’s going on, Izuku. Please, I know you’re hiding something. Is your curse doing this to you? I don’t understand…”

“Love,” Izuku smiled, motioning for Shouta’s hand. He complied, holding the smaller hand in his own. Izuku’s body had always been small, almost dangerously so, but Shouta chalked it up to genetics. He never met Izuku’s family, assuming they’d passed decades or even centuries ago, like his own.

But now, with the moonlight pouring in through the window, illuminating Izuku’s translucent skin, he’s sure he had it all wrong.

He waited a moment, allowing Izuku to collect himself and breathe.

“There’s a letter… in my chest at home. I explain more…” He sighed, eyebrows quivering, “I can’t imagine I have much longer. I’ve already been lucky.”

“Izuku you’re…” acting as though you’re already dead. “You lied to me about being immortal,” Shouta finished, using all his power to stay strong until he got answers. But watching the tears swell in Izuku’s eyes nearly broke him.

“I’m sorry for deceiving you, Shouta. It was never with malicious intent, please believe me.” He took a shuddering breath, “I never had long for this life.”

Shouta brought Izuku’s hand to his forehead, feeling the cool skin and pressing a kiss into his wrist.

Shouta would never be angry at him, and he needed Izuku to know, but he wouldn’t dare interrupt him now.

“I knew you were cursed when we met all those years ago. I knew I was dying then, too.” Izuku explains, nodding to the woman when she brought him another pillow to prop himself on. “As much as I knew it would hurt, I was selfish. I fell in love with you, and I knew you would leave if I was honest. I just…” He sobs, caressing Shouta’s face.

Shouta shakes his head, allowing his burning eyes to well, “Izuku you don’t need to justify yourself. I’m so grateful for the time we’ve had together. If I’d have known… I would’ve spent every waking moment treasuring you.”

Izuku chuckled, “You couldn’t possibly make me feel more loved than I already have. My time with you was the happiest of my life. I’ve been alone for so many years, and though it was greedy, I didn’t want to feel that loneliness in death. I know you’ll always be with me, just like I’ll always be with you, Shouta.”

He pulled himself up onto Izuku’s cot and took the man into his arms.

“I love you more than anything, Izuku.” He murmurs, pressing kisses into Izuku’s crown.

“Not more than I love you,” Izuku whispers back.

He took his last breath with a sleepy smile on his face.

Forever young, just like Shouta.

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xattexx · 2 years

Text

Cannot let you go out without others knowing it

pairing: Jimin x reader

genre: fluff

note: quick drabble

„Jimin I am going out.“ You answered Jimin’s question when he asked you were you are going.

You have planned last week that you will go out with girl, enjoy your free time and have some fun since all you have been doing is working. You were so excited about this night. Finally, just girls nights out. No boyfriends.

Well apparently, your boyfriend forgot about it. When you remind him he looked shocked. Like you didn’t told him two days ago. You both were now looking at each other.

“Wait, what? Why? I want to go with you. You look too good to be out without your protector.” He flexes his muscles. You smiled at Jimin because he was looking so sweet. You would take him with you, but you promised it will be just you girl. That you will take care of each other.

“Baby, I am going out JUST with girls. I promise we will come home around 2 am. Maybe sooner who knows.” You told him but clearly it wasn’t enough since he didn’t change his expression. He just hugged you and told you that you are not going without him. Like a little clingy puppy. He asked you if you really want to go and if you would not rather be home. That he would massage your back and feet, have a nice glass of wine, face masks, play some games… It all sounds awesome, but you already promised yourself and you know your friends would kill you if you decided not to go.

You tried your best to explain him. He really wanted to have you today all to himself. “Jimin, enjoy your time without me. Play some games with Jungkook and Taehyung. Watch that film you wanted to see, the one I told you I won’t watch it with you. I’ll be home sooner than you will think.”

Clearly, he realized he will have to let you go. But not just like that.

Jimin ran from your bedroom. He stopped in the middle of his run to run back to the bedroom just to tell you that you look stunning. Then he ran away again. Minute later came back when you were ready to go. He took your left hand. Suddenly he slips ring to your finger. Random one he bought you, the most similar to engagement ring. You questioned his gesture.

“So that everybody knows you are taken.” He told you as he quickly kissed you so you wouldn’t say a thing. Then he crouches down and took your foot. He takes out sharpie from back pocket and wrote his name on your foot like in Toy Story. This made you laugh so bad. Damn, this man… Very funny Jimin. Very funny. Do you have written Jimin on the bottom of your foot? Yes. Why not?

“Just in case someone would not believe your ring.” He commented his action.

“Do you think that I will take off my shoe just to show this to random dude who would try question my beautiful ring?”

“Yeah, you will.” You both were smiling. He was sweet. Too concern that someone may take you from him. He is sometimes scared to lose you but he probably forgets that you won lottery with him.

Before you left he made you twirl around to show yourself off. You looked breathtaking. Clearly happy to go out. Just one last goodbye kiss and hug.

“I will wait for you. In case something happens call me.” As if he was your dad.

“Okay okay okay, now let me go.” You said as he was hugging you. Last time clinging onto you. Or you thought. Jimin wasn’t just clinging onto you. You realized he was putting on hickey on the back of your neck as one last sign of him.

“JIMIN!” You screamed out. Not big love bite but visible.

He laughs at his successful art when you look in the mirror. “Okay now you can go.”

“Well, thanks love.” Not going to lie, you liked this. At least you knew he cares and loves you.

#jimin x you #jimin x reader #jimin fluff #jimin fic #bts fic #bts fluff #jimin drabble #jimin imagine #bts imagine

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satellitesoundwave · 1 year

Note

Hi! Book-binding annon here! Hope you are out there living your best life and that you are getting better!

I just wanted to tell you that dont worry! If I end up making DwtD a physical book I will totally send you pictures! I have an Idea for the cover, I am hoping to sketch soon!

About the “look away” comments… I just don’t want you to think I am weird <- Is on tumblr how normal can he be.

But anyways, Annon allows me to send you love and recognition for your beautiful brain, without me feeling like I am bothering you. But I should prolly take off the annon mask if I want you to see the art. I am 99% sure you wont think I am annoying, we artist trive in seeing people go crazy about our stuff.

But is that I trully love this fanfic sooo much. The way you write Jazz in particular makes me so happy!

I know this is going to be a hot take but I don’t think most of the fandom gets Jazz. I blame TFA. Animated is a great show, and I love TFA Jazz but it sucks that this is the version most of the fandom takes to write their Jazz. Because TFA took his role as a deescalator and made it his main trait. In concequence to that (and classic downplaying of Black coded characters) I find that most people just have him as a reactive character, instead of a highly active one.

because that is the whole point, isn’t it? Jazz being the most deceptive Autobot.

He *pretends* to be laid back and non threatening, when in reality he is lowering peoples guards so that he can strike. To be like that recurries knowledge of character, profiling and so much control. But he is not calculative and meticulous, because he knows numbers don’t count in the field, actions do. He controls his actions, he gets the job done.

And I honestly sometimes just reread that fic to remind myself there’s people out there that get it. That Jazz is a character that makes his own decisions. Morally grey. Highly capable and competent.

Dear Rung in the Core, in chapter 3? When he makes the mistake and he is like “Stop, learn from the mistake. Get back up” Thats is so…. Bdjdjdkdj I want to yell and scream because OMGGGG In real time that was like, what? 3 seconds? It was enough, he was working behind enemy lines *with* an Enemy, and he just got back on track because that’s what he does!!

Also, just the fact that you didn’t butcher AAVE. I much rather people don’t use it than to just act like using “ah” instead of “I” is not disrespectful. Really, thanks for this, it is exhausting.

The entire lore with the Ravir is SO IMPORTANT TO ME!! The fact that you gave Jazz a Ravir Friend!??? Also, I love anthropology and sociology (I am studying sociology) And just… delicious I am putting them in my mouth for safe keeping.

I actually have to get back to take screenshots of the Ravir but they have been really fun to sketch in free time. I was not using reference for those, so If I want to draw the cover anytime soon I will need to check that and make sure I am following descriptions.

I love how enigmatic Soundwave is through the entire thing until we get to the “OH SHIT” Moment of “He is into you”

I haven’t reread it in like… a week, I need to do it again 😔 <- Is hyperfixiating, sorry.

Anyways, also, just I love chapter 3, k? I love reading it and mentally going “JAZZ NO!! JAZZ!! MIJO ESTAS CAYENDO EN LA TRAMPA!! JAZZ NOOOOOOO” My man got caught simping 😭

I can not express enough HOW MUCH I love every single fucking mention of Jazz’s knife through the fic. It all just… ties down so beautiful in the end, Dear Rung I just dbjddbdkdbdjdbdjdb [Grabs the entire fic and consumes it]

Anyways, is just… So good, and this is just another continuity for me.

If you are okey with it I can DM you the drawings. Have a great day, I trully do hope you are doing okey. You have given me something that gave me so much Joy and I just want to let you know through this silly annon messages.

I shall Go 😎

bye

YO you’re drawing a cover?? That’s so cool

No need to worry about me finding you annoying! Like you said, I am way too busy thriving at seeing you enjoy DwtD for that. (totally get the concern tho, god knows I find interacting with people whose work I admire intimidating)

I can’t offer a lot of insight into how TFA influences how people characterise Jazz since I’ve only seen most of season 1 - though tbh while I do take inspiration IDW, really my angle on Jazz comes down more to an accident of taste, I think. Proactiveness and specific direction/goals are things I really like in protagonists, to the point that fics and books that are excellently written can sour a bit for me when they don’t have those, so I do tend to zero in on and emphasise those things. But that’s just my preference. I can’t really begrudge people focusing more on his easygoing side and Jazz being everyone's friend when that's what appeals to them, since those are as much a part of him as the stuff I gravitate towards

Though it could also… hm. Some of the more common shipping options for Jazz are ones where they’re already friends or have established amicability, and I kind of wonder if you’re gesturing at something I’ve run into a fair bit in friends to lovers fics. It’s that thing where a fic seems to be very interested in the interiority of Character A, and you keep waiting for Character B to get the same level of attention, except then it just never happens. It can feel a bit like the writer is more interested in how Character B can act as a vehicle for making Character A feel loved/comforted/etc, than in Character B as an actual character in their own right

Obviously not all (or even most) friends to lovers fic does this. And it’s not, like, an unforgivable crime or anything either, actually! Imo this can be a perfectly valid decision for a story - for instance, while it's not at all in friends to lovers territory, I did something similar in Your Own Hands. There's a lot of stuff in my plot outline about what Prowl’s thinking in each scene, details of the multiple factors being weighed in his decision making. But the reader ends up seeing basically none of it, because for all Tarantulas believes he understands Prowl as no one else does there are ways in which he understands him very poorly, and the narrative is so tightly bound up in Tarantulas' pov that his shortcomings prevent the reader from ever getting a clear read on Prowl. So I am definitely not saying this is automatically a bad thing. But at the same time, I also get how frustrating this can be when the sidelined half of the ship is the reason you clicked on the fic in the first place. Especially when you run into several fics doing this to the character you’re turning up for in a row, that has happened to me and I have felt petty resentment about it

Sorry for the little ramble haha, you just got me thinking about what made me drift away from the friends to lovers approach to ships a bit (this is something I’ve not really run into in enemies to lovers fic, I guess bc the narrative needs to have at least some investment in the interiority of both characters so them being in conflict has a foundation and makes sense. Tho maybe it does happen here too and I've just not seen it)

Please do dm me the drawings!! Thank you for this message :) It's very special that this little fanfic I made brought you so much happiness. My work’s been very understaffed recently and covering the gaps has been super tiring, so I've been reading and rereading this as I slowly pulled together the energy to reply bc it’s so nice and made me feel better ( ´∀`) I wanted to go into more depth in my reply (ahsjdjd I laughed so hard about how Jazz 'got caught simping' he did lmao, and I’m delighted you like the bits with Jazz’s knife bc I did go feral when I realised I could have that as a recurring bit :3c and oooooooh my god I am so stoked that you’re drawing the Ravir) but I’ve been so fatigued these past few weeks that if I don’t reply now then I’ve got no idea when I’d get the ball rolling again orz Besides that I am doing okay though. Things in my life now are better than they've ever been before, which I personally am pretty happy about :D

Thank you again for the kind words <3

#satellite speaks #Deal with the Devil

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thekrows-nest · 2 years

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*wiggles inside askbox* So I have a very maybe specific scenario of jealous!Krow and Scarlet (Dove OC) in mind so I decided to word vomit it in your asks c: Basically, a situation where Krow had bought time with Scarlet like always but some sort of rather rich client comes up, pushes a lot of money onto the counter and demands whatever schedule Scarlet had to be cancelled and send her to him instead. It just so happens that Krow is there too (waiting for Scarlet to show up) and when Scarlet does show up so she can go with him (maybe even gave him a smile cuz she's comfortable w him 💕🥲), the man grabs her by her shoulders still demanding to take her time. Scarlet to make the man less aggraviated may say something like "Calm down there sweetheart~ How are you going to do me if you use all your energy being angry? You gotta save a bit" and just being the flirty way she is used to be with clients but ofc we got Krow there 👀💃 Anygays to stop my word vomiting, maybe we can have the man trying to drag Scarlet out by force and some jelly Krow action 😏😏 OKAY THAT IS ALL MY DAYDREAMING BYEEEE

🔞MINORS DO NOT INTERACT 🔞

Hoo boy, is it on like Donkey Kong.

Krow would have put the deposit down at the counter, only the barest of polite smiles to the one manning the space. "F-for Scarlet. Please." It wasn't necessary for him to have said that, they knew who Krow was here for. He was here for only one of the girls, ever. He intended to take up as much time of Scarlet's as possible, it was all he could do until he made enough to spring her out of this hellhole. He was getting closer, he just needed a bit more, if he could find someone suitable--

A man entered, with a suit that screamed more money than (fashion) sense, and one of the kind of people Krow loathed for their mightier than thou attitude. All cause they won life's lottery by being born into extreme privilege. They still bled the same though.

He had put down an obscene amount of money at the counter, but the name her had given made Krow's blood run cold.

"Scarlet. Make sure all other appointments with her are canceled tonight."

How dare he. Krow clenched a hand into a fist, bringing it to his lips and biting into his first finger, eyes glimmering green. How dare he.

Scarlet came from one of the back rooms, and Krow pulled his hand back. Their gazes met, and she smiled at him, genuinely happy to see him, and he couldn't help but smile back. But the moment was brief.

The man stepped toward Scarlet, grasping her shoulders roughly, demanding he be seen, now. Krow heard her try calm him down, using that fake flirtatious voice of hers. This couldn't stand.

Getting to his feet, Krow quickly apporached the, grasping his arm rather firmly and making him turn to face him.

"G-get away from h-her."

Krow looked up to the man, eyes darkened, pupils an eerie, noxious green, yet the man seemed unperturbed by this, merely giving something like a scoff and a scowl.

"What are you doing here past your bedtime kid? Shouldn't you run along home to mom--"

There was a sudden shriek from the man as Krow had grasped his arm more, putting another hand on it, pulling it off from Scarlet's shoulder and twisting it hard.

"I said. Get. Away. From. Her."

Krow pushed the man away from Scarlet, moving in quick to stand between her and them, all the while glaring at the man. He rubbed a hand at the injured arm, shooting the much shorter man a glare.

"You little-- do you know who I am?!"

"N-no. And I-I don't care. Y-you're some l-lowlife s-scum that bullies his way w-with everything. I-I'm being nice. Get out. O-or I will MAKE y-you get out."

The man scoffs again, still holding his arm, and goes to the counter, rudely taking his money back.

"I will find you, you punk stuttering son of a bitch. My lawyers will hear about this."

"Do it. I-I'll LOVE f-for you to e-explain where this... altercation occurred." You won't live long enough to see the results anyway.

Another glare was cast from the man, as he took his money and left the brothel in shame, metaphorical tail between his legs. Krow soon after turned to Scarlet, eyes their normal violet hue.

"I-I'm sorry Dove, f-for being so aggressive. I-I just... I couldn't. F-forgive me? ...M-may we... g-go to the back?" He gives a small, meek smile, like a scolded child seeking forgiveness, with a yearning gaze.

This wasn't a scene he wanted to cause, and certainly if his Beloved weren't here now, he might go after that man. But that could wait another night. Tonight, he was with his Songbird, and he wanted to hear her sing.

#about krow #krow asked and answered #naughty krow #krow in character #look he was ready to stab a motherfucker #but he couldn't right then and there #not in front of his Dove #he'll find him later #he's got that dude's face in his memory banks #and besides he can always ask beloved Scarlet for deets #krow stories #ah adding a tag ruined the coloring this is pain

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tsunderedoctor · 2 years

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Can I have a matchup purple💜?

I'm an INTFP and an introvert at heart. As you know I love anime, dogs and ball things morbidly cute.

I love music and I love quality time. I'm not touchy touchy and I am not romantic in any shape or form.

I may love things dangerous, you know.

Anyway thank you ❤

Yes you can, Mel~!

Carrot

This bunny is a lovely lady for you! She is extroverted, so it helps bring you out of your shell when you need it and her kindness goes beyond what is expected of her. She can be a bit touchy, but she will respect your boundaries if you tell her it’s too much!

Totally watches anime with you and fangirls! She likes action and slice of life animes the most, but will watch horror if you are with her. Carrot also enjoys cute things and will buy you items she sees that reminds her of you!

As for dangerous, she has her own scary side, but that doesn’t mean she will hurt you, rather she will protect you from any danger that threatens you! On full moons she turns into her Sulong form, showing her truest nature!

Usopp

This smarty pants is another great match for you! He loves to invent new things and would find sci-fi animes to be interesting! He can be a bit nerdy as well, so you two can nerd out together~! He is a bit of a coward though, so you might handle any danger on your own-

He will tell you how cool and amazing he is, but once it comes to show his skills, Usopp will chicken out. Despite being a liar, he is very loyal and isn’t very romantic either, rather he sees you as his bestest friend than lover!

Might not care for cute things, but he definitely goes out his way to make your favorite characters. Whether they be keychains, pins, or some sort of accessory, he has your back!!

Doflamingo

You said you liked danger! Well here you go! This man is yandere at it’s finest and has no problem putting you in your place if needed. I think you would be good for him however, and can help mellow out his usual emotional spits. Though just be careful on your timing!

He can be a bit clingy and physically touch starved, but with proper boundaries you might be able to tame this flamingo! Did you know flamingos follow their humans around? Yeah, this one does too-

Might not understand your love for cute things, but is a gift giver by nature, so he buys all the cute things he can find that screams you! It’s his own personal way of saying “I love you.”

#tsunderedoctor #op matchup #op matchups #matchups #matchup #carrot one piece #sogeking usopp #god usopp #usopp #donquixote doflamingo #doflamingo #one piece #one piece x reader

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mejomonster · 1 year

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Okay I started A Dream of Splendor and I'm liking it way more than I thought?

Caveat: it feels somewhat historical realism and that's not my usual genre so i am watching it as a fish out of water. But for what it is, I AM enjoying its story and the characters feeling like real people who could've existed or if in this time I could've met, being less perfect and Fantastical than romance cdramas tend to usually be

This shows intro music didn't catch me. Not necessary, but when intros catch me 90% of time I love the show. So this show needs to offer me more lol. The intros colors and image choices scream romance (horrifically possibly Fluff romance) and I hate those usually so I did Not vibe with it

The actual intro scene I DID vibe with though. Nothing to get me invested like a terrifying man with secrets, involved in fucked up stuff that I HOPE will be in the plot, implying future action scenes and political thriller (at least I fucking hope so). All things indicating this may not be a fluff romance. So I'm already way more on board

The choice to have both main girls fight in the teahouse? EXCELLENT. I realize heroines in shows can't always fight, and there's interesting angles for characters that don't. But me personally? In a historical, I like a woman who does protect herself and fix rhe problems HERSELF. I like that it showed our heroine is a woman who decides to do what she chooses, fight if that's what it requires, then commit with no regrets whether she wins or loses, lives or dies. She's stubborn, decided in her beliefs and choices, and I can deeply respect that. It's a good opening for her. It gets her in a fight with Shady Guy, but that too is a good show of how she picks her views and doesn't throw them away in fear while still trying to think of how to Get Through situations. It's impressive her bravery dealing with him, and I think honestly her resilience and commitment to her beliefs may have impressed him. Now he did insult her for being a tree that doesn't bend (if you don't compromise or accept you may need to pick another way/less deadly way you will be more likely to break when things go against your plan - which is fair enough, not bad advice though he delivered it rudely with a threat). But I do think it's rare anyone would rather die in front of him than suck up to him lmao.

I like him. Yeah he seems like an awful guy. Fun romantic lead concept though. Fun lead. I like that he clearly has his position and worldview and way of living (he breaks people until his outcome happens by any means - and he threatens her until she makes him tea). And she does too, they're strong characters written to be characters Before they're written to "accomodate" matching up with the other or accommodate some fluff trope some shows would slap in and use to drive the romance. I DO have an urge to see how the fuck these two end up allies, friends, lovers somehow. I do want to see how such strong personalities influence and change each other. It's a good premise for a story that connects two people and I'm intrigued.

I don't love rhe choice to make her a former noble (just because I am so desperate for a commoner/rich or commoner/commoner historical or historical fantasy since ALL I fucking ever find is rich/rich noble/noble. and while her backstory as a slave makes it a bit more like she has a much different background than him, and her being a merchant is Some Money but not "lives in the capital" money - all things I appreciate. It's just. It's still ultimately she is from a similar background once upon a time. I'm a bit tired of it. I'll tolerate it cause I truly can't find any alternative ;-; but please rec me if one exists. I tolerated only-royal heros in The Secret of the Three Kingdoms and loved that, and in Goodbye My Princess. But just... generally I still am craving commoner/noble or commoner/commoner. I'd like THEIR historical romance and what it'd be, a story making it as important and grand as any empress love story.). I do appreciate at least so far they both seem middle-upper class so it's not like empress/emperor (but who knows if it'll change). I DO like that the majority of her past has been as a pariah and then regular woman trying to earn a living and get her lover a better job and have work friends. It's grounded and I much prefer it to the noblewoman mold in these shows (but I realize that's a personal me thing lol)

I love the general presentation of our main girl. She isn't innocent, naive, or openly trusting. She's not the Goodbye My Princess or The Wolf type. She's a woman who's perfectly aware of the real world and it's fucked up parts from way back when it destroyed her family, She's level headed about her sisters/friends and even a bit ornery (very much like real people), she goes to handle shit herself, just overall very to my kind of preference as a character. So I like her and the lead guys potential as characters.

I LOVE the sets. Again the opening made me think itd look like 200 other historical costume cdramas. And to be fair so far the costumes aren't that unique. BUT the show looks eons better than the opening. Some of the shooting sets look shot in real locations not green screen, the village her teahouse is in particularly looks very beautiful by the river and like a real place people would live in. The ships in the harbor in the background of scenes I LOVE. The carriage rolling away out of frame, the boats going up and down the river like it's a usual everyday thing, people washing their dishes and doing chores. It feels grounded, lived in, with fairly natural clothing colors and simple costuming (as far as wigs looking like ways people may actually wear hair and clothes not so fancy they take you out of the fantasy you're watching historical). Aesthetically its subtle, but very natural, good lighting choices and set piece choices and little everyday details included, that make it feel SOLID grounded historical more than costume drama ramping things up fantastically. I'm not sure if it was expensive or cheap, but I've seen dramas with similar levels of costume detail that look WAY faker and not historical or remotely like even a "real life" vibe. So kudos to this show for making me feel I'm really just seeing some story about people hundreds of years ago. It's nice. Kind of a Pride and Prejudice feeling.

Love the focus on the female characters.

Again I gotta emphasize so far I like the hints of political thriller/Danger in the plot (I genuinely need them to get into a show so it's good they're here), and that so far the women all make choices I'd honestly prefer they did. I know women characters don't Need to match my preferences to be good. But at the same time? A big reason The Secret of the Three Kingdoms clicked wirh me SO MUCH is because a woman is the mastermind of the fake emperor, a widow princess is an assassin in one of the key political thriller plots, a whore is manipulating even the Key policial manipulator, Caos daughter even naive as she is also makes choices I think are in line with her kind of raising, even the pregnant consort who dies I felt was really Driving her own plot and just generally all the women on the show felt as on equal footing as the men in terms of Driving the plot and influencing it and Taking action rather than only Reacting. So far in A Dream of Splendor, I'm getting the same vibe. Even our naive dumb musician girl is TAKING action to marry, thinking of her future plans, fighting for what she wants trying to convince her sister, life is not only Happening to her but she's Driving her own life. While that may ideally be true of many female characters, not all shows actually write things that way or give the effort to depict it visually so the audience knows. Theoretically any woman in a historical drama getting just married is a Driving factor in her decision making of it (or her decision to let go of control and do as others say, which is its own internal inner story if the writers/visuals care to actually depict it). But in reality there's a number where it's just "she was married" or "i got another concubine" and I think maybe why I like stuff like tsottk and Jade Palace Lock Heart (even with how cruel the women sometimes are in it) is that I can see THEIR pov on why they're making their decisions or why they've fallen into becoming pawns from Their pov. They aren't ever relegated to props for a story, they ARE the story. They're Driving it, their pov is shared with us, and I personally prefer that.

I have 10 minutes left of ep 1 and fear for main girl walking into a fight she wasn't meant to stumble into

And finally: I know I sound harsh, but really just consider it me disliking the intro vid to the show lol. So far I've very much liked ALL of the actual episode. Very strong opening with good main characters, grounded setting I can get lost in and feel, solid writing decisions indicating a character arc focus, interesting setup.

#a dream of splendor #lb

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222dadon · 1 year

Text

No Love Lost

Love is such a complicated topic to speak on because most of what I have to say about it is not really about “love” itself, rather the experiences that I had while in the midst of it. A lot of my experiences I’m still healing from so I’ll try my best to put into words what I have in my head.

I started dating my first boyfriend on April 16th of 2018. (We’ll call him G lol) I was 1 month away from graduation, young, naive and desperate for the feeling of acceptance. Before G, the only men that wanted to speak to me were ones who wanted to sleep with me. I wasn’t really looking for anything serious, I mean I was only 17 and was excited for what life had in store for me after graduation. Plus he lived in California so we only ever spoke on the phone or through text. But G really had a way with words and a sense of humor so similar to mine. When we first started talking all he ever wanted to talk about was me. He wanted to get to know ME, not my body. You have no fucking idea how refreshing that was. He was playing college football at the time but always made time for me and that made me feel so good. No one had ever made time for me before. He listened to me talk about nothing and cry about everything. He was good. And I fell so fucking hard for him.

I was insecure and had little to no self awareness at that time. I didn’t realize how damaging my actions could be to someone else. So, I cheated. I started sleeping with someone else (my baby daddy lol). The first time I did it, I told G and then cried at the thought of losing him. I cried at the possibility of losing the voice that soothed me to sleep for so many nights. I was so sure that he would never want to speak to me again. But he forgave me. 2 weeks later, we shared our social media passwords with each other because we wanted to make our relationship feel a bit more real. (Pfft.) When I logged into his, I got the wind knocked out of me by the realization that I was also being cheated on. Karma is a bitch and she wasted no time showing me that lol. He had tried to hide it but intuition was burning my insides and so I dug until I uncovered what was so sloppily put away. I found messages from his ex-girlfirend (who stalked and harassed me constantly lol) and other women that he had once told me not to worry about. My heart sank at the realization that I had never been the only one. I wasn’t prepared for the gut wrenching feeling I got reading his conversations with them or the flood of questions that threatened to drown me. I didn’t scream or yell or confront him. I just cried. I cried until I fell asleep. The next morning he woke up and saw I had blocked him so he found a different way to reach out to me. He apologized and I forgave him. I was also still cheating on him with my baby daddy so I thought that we were even. (Stupid huh? lol)

As time went on, he continued to cheat on me and I did the same. Then one day, I took a pregnancy test and that motherfucker came back positive lol. Those 2 lines should have been enough to end our relationship but I didn’t want to let go. I didn’t want to admit that I was knowingly hurting someone. I didn’t want to be alone. So I never told G. I thought that somehow I could get away with having another man’s baby and everything would be okay. The Universe laughed at me lol and threw everything at me to make sure that our relationship definitely was NOT okay. As time went on, me and G slowly became different people than the ones we fell in love with. He gaslighted me, became short tempered with me and continued to cheat. I thought that because I was still cheating on him and that he didn’t know I was pregnant, that I had to put up with the verbal/mental abuse. As long as it made us even.(DELUSIONAL am I right? lmao) I know it sounds horrible and like we had NO business being together. But when the sun went down and the only voices we heard were each others, we convinced ourselves that nothing else mattered and that love would be enough to keep us going. We created a little heaven for ourselves to escape to when the pain we caused was too much. It was warm when he wasn’t and loved me when he didn’t. I went there so often that I confused it with reality.

The next year in February (2019) he came down to Utah to visit. He didn’t notice I was pregnant and I pretended not to notice the girls in his phone. I fell more in love with him though and promised myself that I would never cheat again. And I didn’t. He promised me too… but did lol. I still hadn’t told him that I was pregnant but then the day came that I gave birth. (May 2019) When I finally got home from the hospital, I called him and told him. To my surprise, G didn’t get mad. He just cried and told me he’d call me back. When he did, he told me that he still wants to be with me and that he’s moving to Utah to help me raise my son. In the back of my head I knew that we should’ve ended things right then and there but I thought that maybe this way I could atone for my lies. Still in shock, I bought the ticket and by the end of that week we were together again. I felt so grateful that he was willing to forgive me and take on my son as if he were his. So grateful that I was willing to forgive anything.I forgave him when he texted his ex next to me in bed. I forgave him when he fell asleep on the phone with her while holding me in his arms as I slept next to him. I listened to him when he told me that he could have my passwords to everything but I couldn’t have his. I listened to him when he told me I wasn’t allowed to know who he was texting or on the phone with. I listened. I forgave. Then I listened and forgave some more.

By October of 2019, G and I had gotten our own apartment. We even got a job together. I thought that if we were with each other every second of every single day that there would be no time left for him to hurt me. But when the sun went down, he stopped meeting me in our heaven. He was with me in person but his mind and his words were being given to others. He cheated on me every day. He was making time for them like he used to make time for me and I just couldn’t understand. I couldn’t understand how we had gotten here or when being together started to hurt so much. The pain made me hate myself. I hated how I looked, how I was and I questioned why I wasn’t good enough for him. Then the fighting started to get worse. We started to get physical with each other. I pulled a knife on him a couple times, burned his stuff and he would push and throw me around. But even when he would, I would cry and tell him that I love him. He’d call me the ugliest things and yet I chose to see the good in him even if he didn’t show it to me anymore. I’d beg him to stop with tears in my eyes but he never did. He’d leave and I’d chase after him asking him to come home. When he would throw me down, I would still get up and reach for him. Anything he did to me, I forgave. I thought that maybe if I waited and was good to him that he would stop hurting me. I thought that he just needed time to remember that he loves me. Maybe the G that I fell in love with would come back and take me away from the person he had become. He never did but I still loved him through it all. The bad, the ugly and the unforgivable. And when I would think that I had used all of my forgiveness on him, I’d end up tearing myself apart until I found more.

In 2020 we moved into my moms house and things got worse. The distance he put between us grew and he was cheating on me even more. I was the most miserable I had ever been. I didn’t recognize myself at all. The only thing that was constant, were the tears. I’d cry to him and ask him why. Why does he do this to me? Why am I not enough for him? He never gave an answer. Eventually he started getting annoyed by me being sad. So instead of crying, I’d go to sleep scared that if I reacted how I wanted to that he would leave. I had never felt so alone in my life and I was so tired of it. So I ended up stepping out of my relationship and sleeping with my son’s dad in March of 2020. I became everything that I hated about G and for some reason after that, I just knew that we were going to end soon. The next month, I found out he was cheating on me again. Two fucking days after our 2nd year anniversary. (What an asshole lol) So in the morning I told him he needed to leave and that it was over. I don’t really know how to explain it. After 2 years of begging and pleading, one day I just woke up and was done.

Everything in my body was screaming at me to stay. My mind kept trying to force me to remember everything that would normally make me give in to him asking for forgiveness. Even after everything he put me through, I still had to force my arms to not reach for him. This was the first time that his eyes were on me and me alone but I forced mine to look away. Almost every part of me wanted to take back what I said and let him come home. I knew he would never change. For so long he would break my heart and I would desperately pick up the pieces thinking that if I kept giving them to him that he would be able to make me whole again. But even in it’s shattered state, my heart wouldn’t let me do it this time.

Our love story was a complicated one. In the beginning we were so eager to begin writing it that we started our journey without asking ourselves if we were ready. Pens in hand we etched our love for eachother into the universe. We encapsulated every happy moment we shared into our little book in hopes of being able to reread it some day and smile. But somewhere down the line, his eagerness faded and he put down his pen. I thought maybe he just needed a break. So I kept writing of our love on my own. I pushed past the pain, the struggle, the betrayal, the tears and forced myself to continue our story because I didn’t want it to be done. But there were so many blank pages where his words should have been and I was forced to give up. I mourned it for so long. I mourned what it could have been and what I once wanted it to be. I mourned the happy ever after that i never got. I gave him all of my love for 2 years and it took me 2 more years to eventually get it back and accept that we weren’t meant to be.

Our story had a sad ending and if you read it you would see the tear stained pages on the last chapters. But our beginning was something worth exploring and the middle is what I’ll remember it as.

Lessons I Learned From It

Love is hard but love shouldn’t hurt.

Listen to your heart when it is trying to protect you.

When people show you in their actions how much they value you and your presence, LISTEN.

It is better to be alone than in bad company. Even if being alone is scary.

It doesn’t matter if when it’s good it’s good, if when it’s bad it’s heartbreaking.

Healing takes time so be patient with yourself.

Your intuition is stronger than you think.

Even when it’s hard, love yourself enough to pick yourself up.

What is meant for you, will come easily.

People are worth fighting for, but fighting for people to see your worth, is not worth it.

We put up with what we think we deserve.

Remember that you deserve everything good.

I don’t know if anyone is reading this or if anyone ever will. But if you’re going through something similar, I hope you find the strength to make it out. If you can’t, I hope you can read my words and take a little bit of mine.

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lunamidnight · 5 months

Text

November 30th

Fanfiction/Original Fiction

First created: Oct 2016

Last updated: Sept 2020

General Premise: old thing showcasing what may happen during a mission gone wrong.

Other notes: will either toss or overhaul and has a direct sequel that was uploaded it on the 20th

tw: torture, blood, and needles.

Her head pounded as she opened up her eyes, the lights in the room were too bright. Her arms were behind her, seemed to be tied to her feet as she was laying on her stomach. Angel wondered how did she get into this predicament, and then remembered that she got ambushed while on a retrieval mission.

The room she was in now was bland with gray walls, ceiling, and floor. She was on a small twin size bed it seemed, and it must have been old because the springs were digging into her stomach and ribs. There were no windows and only one door, so far no one else was there, but she knew that couldn’t last long, and she was right as she heard the door being unlocked.

Angel was tempted on playing asleep but she knew she couldn’t win that easily, it wouldn’t get her anywhere, so she waited as an older man walked in pushing a small table with various things on it, she couldn’t identify much on the table but, the lab coat he wore was a big red flag to her.

She didn’t address him, she merely watched him go about his business. He acted like she wasn’t even awake, or at least simply ignored her as he put himself in between her and the table to rummage with something upon it. He was testing her patience, she figured that out quick and didn’t give the satisfaction of asking the million dollar questions like where am I or even why am I here, things like that. No she just layed her head down on the bed and watched his back and waited.

It was while she waited, that she noticed something very odd and very irritating. She only had a bra on. Sure she had her pants and stuff but no shirt,and here was a guy in the same room. This wasn’t going to be good at all.

“Cold?” the man asked out of the blue, cutting through her thoughts on the situation. She looked up at him but didn’t answer. He didn’t seem offended either as he kept his back turned to her as he continued with whatever he was doing on the table.

It was a while till he spoke again ”What’s your favorite scent?” he asked causing Angel to look at his back incredulously. She stayed quiet however which didn’t impede on the lab coat wearing man. "You look like a vanilla or lavender type of girl, so I’ll go with vanilla since I have that” he mused allowed. Angel quirked an eyebrow in question. Why would he ask then she wondered?

By the time there was any other action from the man, Angel had looked away in boredom. That is till the scent of vanilla reached her nose, followed by a searing hot residue on her back. She bit back a scream and managed to only hiss out a growl instead as the hot wax continued to pour all over her back and arms. Her tied up position didn’t help with pain. There was no shielding or resisting of any kind. She was immobilized.

Finally the wax ran out and she was left alone again as he went back to the table, she could feel the wax hardening but it still burned like hell. Not like she would show that though, if there was one thing she learned from Darrien it was not to show them what they want. She had to admit that was hard sometimes though. She wondered how long she had been in here, and wondered if Darrien was done with his mission, if so would he come find her?

These thoughts were interrupted however by more wax. This time pour on her head, which cause her to close her eyes at the pain and grit her teeth rather loudly. It seemed to burn even worse on her head than her back, but unlike her back the pouring didn’t last nearly as long, as it stopped about a quarter of the time.

She breathed heavily out of her nose, which was the only reaction to this heated torture that she’d allow herself to show. She wondered how long that would last. The wax on her head hardened quickly and clumped up in her hair, making it heavy and a little painful as it was pulled down by the weight.

The man chuckled as he clanked around something on the table. She looked over at him careful of the wax to see what was he going to do next. The wax made the action of turning her head very difficult and didn’t get to far in it. All she could see was what was in her peripheral vision.

He turned back to her and walked over with something behind his back. He leaned down to her ear when he was close.”you smell exquisite, i was right about the vanilla…”he whispered in her ear pulling out whatever was behind his back. She couldn’t tell what, at this distance. That is until she felt the beginnings of a cut through the wax and top of her back.

It was small and sharp, definitely a scalpel, and having one cut through your back through semi hot wax hurts. It wasn’t even that deep, at least so far as she could feel over the pain that engulfed her back. She hissed out as the cutting continued downward along her spine.

After that line, he stopped for a moment to watch the red line of blood seep over the wax and trail down her sides.he then started a series of lines across that long line. From shoulder blade to shoulder blade and so on. And each new cut had angel gritting her teeth harder each and everytime.

He liked watching the blood stain the white vanilla wax, turning it a nice pink color over all. He smiled as he could see the beginnings of sweat drip down her face in effort to keep from giving a verbal reaction. He didn’t mind though he liked the small reacts that she’d give without her even knowing she was showing them.

Along with her precipitation, she lightly shook in pain, and she didn't even realize it, she had been focusing on keeping quiet all this time. He made several lines down her back, usually about an inch apart if not less. Than after the last line at the small of her back he set the bloody instrument on the table.

Then he walked over to the end of the bed to kneel down and look at her face”oh you’ve been taught so well love, steeled expression, clenched jaw, blank eyes, such ability for someone so young and beautiful.”the man said holding her chin firmly in his hand as he looked over her pretty face.”it’s going to be so wonderful to watch you break.” he said getting up only to stop and pull out a cell phone that beeped.

“What is it. I’m busy. Oh? Well then...Looks like I’ll have to cut to the chase then...No...Keep them busy, drive them back I want to be able to continue later...Yes perfect...Bye”He said before hanging up and sighing. He walked over the table looking overly disappointed as he picked up an object.

What he picked up next almost had her face turn white, if it wasn't for the fact it was already red because of the heat of the wax. It was a needle, and she hated needles, especially ones with unknown contents. The fact that this one was bright red didn’t help ease her nerves as he drew closer.

His smile was sickly sweet as he peeled some of the wax from her side away slowly. ”Hope your screams bring friends here, I’d love to see them watch you squirm in pain, if they actually get here of course, because this will hurt...A lot…” he said before sticking the needle in her side. She flinched slightly at the poke but raised an eyebrow afterwards, not feeling anything but the liquid being pushed in.

Then the burning came, and it was way worse than the wax, and it was now flowing through her veins. She didn’t last long in holding in her pain. She was only able to hold it in till the man left the room entirely after removing the needle. Her screams bounced across the facility, which only made the mad man in the observation room nearby grin.

No one got past, no one got to her, she screamed till she was hoarse in the throat, and then she cried till there was no more tears, it was hours and, she still couldn’t succumb to unconsciousness. The pain fluctuated and increased in a way to make sure she wouldn’t. So when the man in the lab coat came in again, she was beyond spent. She was still in pain as he just stood there and watched her. She still couldn’t move but her face had lost its steely expression hours ago, now it only showed how exhausted and in pain she was.

She looked up at him with glazed over eyes, not reacting much otherwise as she crumpled in pain once more. Angel knew this wasn’t the last of it, and couldn’t bother imagining what else was in store for her. The cuts on her back had dried along with the now cold wax that covered her back. She would have been freezing by now, if it weren't for the burning in her very blood stream.

“Hmmm...You’re certainly lasting longer than any of the other ones, almost disappointing really. I have so much planned after death takes your soul, but i do love the prospect of a long lasting toy...and you certainly fit that my dear.” He said running a finger down the main cut on her back, making her wither in pain.

“Oh my dear, you must not have any voice left now do you, your screams from before were such music to my ears, too bad your throat gave out so soon.” the man said continuing his trailing knowing fully well that the liquid from before was reacting to it almost tenfold. He grinned down at her while he did so before moving around the bed which gave him a closer advantage to her tied limbs.

He bends down to get a long, thick chain from underneath the bed. He set it aside, before rolling her up onto her back which also included her legs and arms which hurt her even more as her limbs were crushed under her upper body. He then picked up the chain and tied one end to the side he was on, before pulling it over her as he switched, tieing it so it was just under her breast. This kept her from possibly rolling herself back over to her side. He repeated with the chain across her just below her navel.

By now her back was beginning to bleed again because of her position reopened the cuts. He went over to his table and turned a knob underneath the counter. A flame appear underneath a pot that was set into the counter. He watched the contents heat up before hering a small series of squeaks. He looked down to find a large mouse stilling around his shoes for food. He bends down and picks it, seemingly gentle in the action.

He places the rodent into his lab coat pocket before grabbing two other things a large bucket and what looked like a torch. He set the latter down on the bed when he approached the bed. He takes the mouse out and placed it on her exposed belly, before placing the bucket over it to keep it there. Angel had watched him tiredly as he did this, knowing fully well that this was going to hurt.

The man picked up the torch next and switched on before taking in to the sides of the bucket. The heat it generated inside cause the mouse to panic and scratch around trying to find a way to escape. Despite her sore throat angel screamed in pain at the panicked mouse scratches on her stomach. This didn’t stop him from continuing for a few minutes. He heard the contents of the pot start to boil behind him and only then did he turn of the torch and lift up the bucket. The distraught mouse jumped off and ran away across the room before a loud snap was heard.

Angel was crying and sobbing by this point, the scratches getting a tenfold treatment of pain because of what he injected in her earlier. He heads back to the table, to wheel it closer to her. He grabbed a large ladle and dipped it into the pot. Before pulling it out seconds later and pouring boiling hot water onto her wounded stomach.

The pain was excruciating as the scratches and surrounding area started to blister and pop. he continued to dip and pour enjoying the broken sore screams she emitted. He was about halfway through the pot of water when the pain proved too much for her body and mind and she passed out. He poured one last scoop to make sure she was completely passed out and was disappointed when all his ears was met with was the small pops of blisters.

“Guess we will have to continue later on…”he said checking her pulse just in case. He frowned at feeling it but figured that it would happen eventually. He moved the table away and left her as she was postion and chains still there, as he went to the lone door in the room.

Upon opening it he was met by his top follower looking the most scared he could ever be.”what is it?” the lab coat wearing man asked. The subordinate looked down the hallway and flinched and gulped”h-he...killed three dozen sir….”

#writing #writing ideas #nanowrimo #national novel writing month #original fiction

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