#heck even flashcards work for me!

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

[4:12 pm] 

You felt like a weight had been lifted off your chest. A month of study groups, flashcards, pages of notes, studying late into the night, and meeting with your teacher for more help was finally done! You had been stressed out of your mind for months, you felt like you understood the topic well enough to pass the test, and then you got the test.

Every question had you second guessing the answers that you knew you studied for days. The questions were so weirdly phrased, the essay questions asking you to go into detail about something that wasn't even covered in depth in class. You crossed your fingers as you handed it in and tried to put it out of your mind on your way home.

But now, you were curled up under your favorite blanket going over the questions of the test and wondering if you had given the right answers. You were stuck in your head feeling the stress of the test that had already happened, again.

You were still staring blankly at the tv, stuck in your head, when Jisung walked in. "How was your test? How do you think you did?" He asked you as he laid beside you.

"It was so hard Jisung, I don't even think I passed," you mumbled, burrowing yourself into your chest.

"Of course you did, my love. You studied so hard, I'm sure you have that text book memorized front to back. Heck, I'm sure I know everything on that test because of you. If you did everything you could to study and studied as long as you did, but you still don’t pass- which you will- then that’s a reflection on your teacher, not you. You're a genius my love," Jisung told you while he rubbed comforting small circles on your back.

"I just feel like I want to lay here and cry my eyes out until the grades come out and have you tell me if I passed," you whined.

"Look at me," Jisung lightly pushed your shoulders until you had enough space to look at each other eye-to-eye, "You worked hard for this, you studied for a whole month harder than I'm sure anyone else in your class did. How is it possible for my little genius to fail when you studied using every method you could? If you still want to cry your eyes out, I'll hold you and rub your back. But if you also want to just chill out, order a pizza, and forget this test forever, we can do that too."

You pouted, your eyed filling with tears as you quickly nuzzled yourself into his chest once again. Jisung tentatively asked, "Did you choose the crying?"

You shook you head, "You're the best boyfriend on the whole planet, I just love you so much."

He blushed, stuttering, "I didn't even do much."

"You don't have to do much Jisung, you do enough for me," you told him before leaning in to place a kiss on his cheek.

"Well, if you want me to do more than just order a pizza, I can find someway to annoy your professor too. I think there's a company that sends envelopes full of glitter, or I can catch a bird and set it loose in his car-"

You placed your hand over his mouth before he continued rambling on about who even knows what, "Just pizza is great. Thank you, my love."

He nodded, voice muffled by your hand, "pizza it is."

#kpop imagines #kpop au #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #nct #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct timestamps #nct x reader #nct dream #nct dream imagines #nct dream fluff #jisung x reader #jisung imagines #jisung scenarios #jisung fluff #jisung timestamps #jisung blurb

[187days]

Day Fifty-Four

It’s been so warm up until this week that I really didn’t think about going to heat up my car this morning while I was getting ready for work. But there was so much frost on the windshield, and it took forever to scrape it off, so I was almost late for my Block 1 class (made it to my door juuuust before the five-minute warning bell), Thankfully, Mr. F was keeping an eye out for me, and would’ve covered if I actually had been late, but I made it! Whew!

It’s a habit of mine to end APGOV units with a Tuesday vocab quiz and a Thursday test. The quiz primes students on the terminology that’s necessary to understand the test questions, they have class time after the quiz to do test prep on their own, we do more formal prep together on Wednesday, and they test on Thursday because their day starts half an hour later than usual on Thursdays (to accommodate the faculty’s morning PLC meetings)- which does make a difference in how awake they are! So there’s a method to my madness, is what I’m saying. 

Today, after the quiz, I offered to help any students who were having trouble studying because I know this course requires them to remember a lot of complex, precise information, and most of them haven’t had to study before and don’t really know how to do it efficiently. But these are very bright AP students, so they’re used to being able to figure things out on their own, and they have it in their heads that needing help with studying- or, heck, just needing to study- makes them “look dumb” even though that’s very much not the case. So, at first, not many of them took me up on my offer. But the ones who did sat with me in the hall, and we did some flashcards on SCOTUS cases (because that’s something a lot of them struggle to memorize). I had them identify whether they remembered information best by reading it, hearing it, or writing it themselves, and then I had them tackle 2-4 cases at a time rather than trying to get at them all at once. The difference that made was obvious in just fifteen minutes, so then we discussed how to break down other topics into small chunks and take them one at a time. 

Here’s hoping they convince some of their peers to work with me, too, and that they all meet whatever goals for improvement they’ve set for themselves, whether that’s going from scoring 95s to 100s, 75s to 85s, getting perfect scores on certain types of questions, whatever. I’m all about progress, whatever it looks like.

I reminded my World students of that, too, because they’re drafting book papers and some of them are really lacking confidence in their writing abilities. Like, it doesn’t matter that they wrote amazing essays for me just a couple weeks ago, this is somehow different in their minds. But then they’ll start writing, and it’s spot on. Or they’ll say they didn’t understand anything in the book they read, then proceed to explain the entire plot. So I spent class encouraging them, helping them articulate their ideas (a lot of them benefit from talking it out before writing it down), and reminding them that we draft and revise. So even if there is something they’re missing or doing incorrectly, I’m going to give them feedback and help them fix it before they submit their work to be graded. And, even after that, they can continue to revise for a better grade. 

Usually, I can talk them though their worries pretty quickly, but I think today they were a bit more stressed than usual because NWEA testing (which my district has always done in lower grades, first year of doing it with 9th and 10th graders) happened during flex block. So their routine was off, there was some pressure to do well on that test, etc, etc... There’s one more day of testing tomorrow, so it’ll probably be a similar day. But we’ll get through it and do awesome things!

#teaching #teacher #teachblr #edublr #education #educhums #high school #social studies #nwea testing #Mr. F #confidence is catching #day fifty four

[rigelmejo]

i think 1500ish hanzi has been the sweet spot where, although i do run into unknown hanzi all the time (which means i still need more tbh), i know enough hanzi to run into many unknown words per day that are formed using known hanzi.

and since i can easily pick up new words made up of hanzi i already know, and can usually sound those words out myself, there is a lot of vocab i can pick up nearly effortlessly in a day.

per reading session i probably run into 10-20 words that i can easily learn within a few times of seeing them - because i already knew their hanzi, and can sound them out myself.

then i usually run into other words of course with new hanzi, and while maybe 1-5 of them will start to stick in my mind after i’ve seen them, many of them will still escape me even after seeing them for the 20th time.

but, the more of the first kind of vocabulary word i run into, the easier it gets to focus on the completely unknown-hanzi words. because the first kind are easy to pick up, its like building a foundation of stuff i find easier to grasp, then make more solidly reliable, from which i can branch out and depend on when trying to figure out the rest. 

i think before knowing this amount of hanzi, i ran into just such a sheerly large number of words with at LEAST one unknown hanzi (and often 2 unknown) that it was good if i picked up 1-5 new words period.

---

other notes:

1. i still definitely should go through my 2,000 most common hanzi book, and my 3,000 hanzi deck... not all the hanzi i know are ‘common’ and filling in gaps would further make this easier. the less unknown hanzi, the easier time i have.

2. i should go through my grammar book when i feel like trying to do production again.

3. i think me skipping listening-reading and JUST reading, i am seeing why that may be less beneficial. i’ve read 28 chapters of ttwtadsl the last few days, and i realize that when i also listen i get a better grasp of understanding the full sentences in real time/recognizing the words more quickly. Also it gives me 1-2 more ‘review’ sessions for all the new words in a chapter (seeing the words a 2nd time when listening-reading chinese-chinese, a 3rd time hearing them with listening chinese reading english), which helps me remember them better. also while me reading to myself aloud has helped me a bit with sticking their pronunciations, when i read in my head i start skipping thinking about the tones as much - and listening reminds me of them again and helps them ‘stick’. likewise, when i just read aloud if i’m reading at a certain speed i’ll sometimes fuck up tones (forgetting a new words tones etc) and that may temporarily be reinforcing bad habits. if i add listening, then that can correct any errors i’m making earlier on by reminding me of what is correct. so like... while i do notice i’m picking up all of this author’s favorite words to use, i realize i am getting sort of a half-understanding of these words. and the added listening component was really helping to fix that. so, today, i’m going to go through Pleco probably and just zoom through chapters 1-27 again. Just so i can hear a clear correct pronunciation for everything, reinforce the words i’ve learned, correct any mispronunciations i was doing, and review the old chapter texts (which i’ve noticed i’m more able to read without a dictionary now! wooh! o3o)/

alternatively i could use the audiobook, but i’d rather do that later. the audiobook i can listen to with the english (to test how much i can comprehend with just audio and no hanzi to look at). For now, i just want a clear easy to pause-play and easy to stop and lookup with a dictionary tool, Pleco, so i can review all the old material and catch any words I’m saying wrong.

*again, I’ll say ttwtadsl is an excellent book for practicing reading and listening. The chapters are short enough that even when you get into looking words up, the comedy/ridiculousness pushes you to finish figuring out the scene, then the scene seems to end SO SHORT as soon as you got into the rhythm of looking things up, so its super easy to want to keep reading another chapter. then another. (whereas like, priest whom i love, has giant dense chapters that feel like a slog to look up words as i go through it lol... too above my reading level). the other thing? This novel seems entirely well suited for beginners-intermediate readers.

Most of the new words I’ve been running into have been: wuxia ish related words, and very simple ones that are probably worth knowing (wulin, gaoshou, jian, jianke, meng, zhengpai, jiaozhu, motou, daxia, 武林，高手，剑，剑客，盟，正派，教主，魔头，大侠）

or they have been descriptive words that are pretty broadly useful in reading stories, stuff like physical descriptions of actions (or adjectives): zhou meitou, guixia, zhouqi meitou, ditou, dian tou, jijing, binglengleng, shense, mangran, yizheng, chenyin , chenmo, yinchen, bajian 皱眉头，跪下，皱起眉头，低头，点头，寂静，冰冷冷，茫然，一怔，沉吟，沉默，阴沉，拔剑）

or like sentence transition words like huran, jing, jiujing, xujiu, yingdang (should), ruoshi, cishi, 忽然，竟，究竟，许久，应当，若是，此时

as a bonus, so far most of the names have been hanzi i’ve either already learned or seem worth learning (jian 剑and gui 归 both seem useful to memorize for example, and zhao 赵 is so common in names - and ji han’s name’s hanzi 季寒 come up all the time）

of course there’s more new words, these are just the ones actually sticking in my head and starting to be recognized. though i think that kind of shows its working well so far as a vocab source - these are words i’ve gotten used to in just a few days. i do think this story would be quite good for picking up simple action words and adjectives. its just i was reading hanshe last month and most of what i picked up from that novel was action-descriptors so i already know most of the ones in this novel now.

#rant #october update #i keep saying i'll look at my hanzi book #but do i ever? no #i even KNOW mnemonics work for me! #heck even flashcards work for me! #but they take me like 10x what it takes other people #so like i get so sad it takes so much time #and i just... brute force

[hesgunnalovethis]

Dark Circles

Summary: You’re cramming for a big exam. Until Leonard McCoy finds out you haven’t slept in 3 days.

Bones x Reader

Masterlist!  (thank you for all the love you guys are the best <3)

 TW: bit of sleep deprivation init, strong language, passing mention of death (satirically)

 Word Count: 1514

  You had been working on the Enterprise as a student medic for some time now. With a busy five year mission, an unspoken fling with the Chief Medical Officer and a crew who couldn’t seem to keep themselves in one piece, you’d began to believe you’d never make it that final step to officially become Doctor Y/L/N. So, when The Academy offered for you to take your final exams online, you jumped at the chance. 

The exam was in three days. You’d somehow managed to nab yourself a week clear of shifts. Whoever made up the rotas must have it sweet for you you’d joked to Leonard who was now working a doubly busy week. He didn’t mind, he knew how important this was to you. 

 You were ready to be free from the constant watchful eye of people only as skilled as you and you knew it. But having neglected textbook terminology for three years you panicked wondering if you’d be able to convince Starfleet the same. You’d been hitting the books hard for the last few days. Really, you’d been doing little else. So much so that the words were beginning to jumble before your eyes. 

Your comm rang. You answered to Jim’s shrill voice like you were teenagers on a landline. Jim had been a good few years above you at The Academy but you had always been close. Jim initially approached you as a night out trophy and when you’d firmly put him in his place, even through six vodka blackcurrants, he knew he’d found a good drinking buddy. 

 “Sooo how you feeling!” Jim asked as if your final medical exam was a first date. 

 “Honestly? Nauseous. Although I don’t know if that’s the nerves or the tiredness.” The first time you’d spoken in days, you remembered. 

 “Jeez how long have you been up?” 

 “Long enough to be two and half notebooks down.” You eyed the strewn pads filled with messy words and diagrams. You definitely passed the doctors handwriting stereotype. 

 “Maybe I’ll stop by with another one for you. And maybe some crushed up pills.” He wasn’t joking but you laughed anyway. 

 “And how is... the ship?” You said, head scrabbled but feeling rude not asking about him. 

 “Still in space.” 

 “That is good to hear.” 

 “For real, Y/N, are you alright? Do you need anything? Water? Food? A certain doctor?”

 “I need everyone on this ship to stand still for three days so I’m ready to sit this.” Jim was silent knowing that he couldn’t promise that and that he’d probably be first injured. “Currently skim reading the dermal regenerator chapter. If another ensign gets stabbed that’s on them.” 

 “As your Captain I can’t laugh at that.” 

 “’As your captain,’” you mimicked “shut the fuck up, Jim.”

 “Fair.” Jim said in defeat after a long silence. “I’ll get Bones up to see you in a bit” 

 “Don’t bother him, he’s working all his own shifts and all of mine, he’ll be more of a corpse than me.” 

 “I have never seen that man in any state other than grumpy. I’ll check up on you in a few.” 

 “Catch.” You said hanging up the comm.

 A few hours past and you’d filled up your third notebook throwing it on the pile and picking up a fresh one, like clockwork. 

 Another hour passed and Jim had rang your comm, again. You ignored it. Another hour. Another ring. Another comm ignored. You only had six textbooks left and you weren’t going to let anything distract you. Almost. 

 The door to your quarter opened as you finished notepad four. You didn’t fully register it until you noticed the room become significantly brighter. You’d really been sitting there for long enough for the room to assume you’d died. Interesting. 

 You looked up to silently thank the ceiling and were greeted by two cold hands against your skin planting a kiss on top of your head. You’d recognise those hands in death. Hands that didn’t need to sit this exam. You were jealous of them. 

 You felt him squat behind you hugging you from behind his cheek brushing against yours. 

 “How’s it been?” You asked instinctively about the sickbay. 

 “Y’know,” he began, spinning your chair away from the desk to face him, “It’s been-“ he stopped brief worry passing over his face. Brief but not unnoticed. 

 “What?” 

 “Darlin’ you are so pretty, you know that, but right now you have two friends I don’t know called ‘extremely dark’ and ‘evidently from sleep deprivation circles’ under your eyes.” He said it delicately, you scoffed. 

 “You’re not looking so hot yourself Mr Five O’clock Shadow.” Leonard’s mouth peaked at the corners suppressing a laugh. 

 In that moment you felt silently sorry for Jim who’d claimed never to see Leonard’s softness. ‘Jim’ you thought. 

 “Jim sent you?” You questioned spinning your chair back towards the desk but finding it halted by Leonard’s foot. He shook his head. 

 “He mentioned a few missed comms but I was already on my way here. I assumed you’d be sleeping. It is 4am.” 

 You looked at the time to verify. You swore the last time you checked it had been 5am. 

 “How long have you been awake?” Leonard asked assessing the desk space. 

 “A few nights.” 

 “Nights?” He cocked his eyebrow at you. “Nights are for sleeping.”

 “It’s the same as working a few nights.” You stated. 

 He smiled softly at you, reaching forward to knock your glasses from your hair to your eyes. You could see again. He’d actually gifted you sight. 

 “When we work a few shifts in a row, we take breaks. How many breaks have you taken?” 

 “A few.” 

 “Bullshit.” He was right so you didn’t argue. 

 “I just have a few things left to cover before I can start doing practice exams. I’ll take a break then.” 

 Leonard was already at your desk closing textbooks and tidying flashcards. You tried to interfere but he simply moved your hands and stroked your hair. 

 “You get changed, I’ll get you some water.” 

 You were suddenly thankful someone had pried you away. You didn’t realise how awful you felt. Head pounding, nauseous, eyes failing. 

 “Test me?” You asked. Leonard turned eyeballing you. His facial expressions having a silent conversation. 

 ‘Really?’ His face said. 

 ‘Please?’ Your face said back. 

 “Your patient is paralysed. First point of call?”

 “Neutral transducer.” You shouted from the bathroom not missing a beat. 

 “And how does that work?”

 “By picking up neural signals from the brain to mimic and stimulate appropriate muscles.” You were right. Leonard was silent for a few minutes allowing you to brush your teeth and change. “Keep going.” You shouted back. 

 “It’s pointless you know everything.” He stated. You walked back into the room giving him a sad face. He rolled his eyes he couldn’t say no to you. 

 “What are the symptoms of fatigue?” Leonard said handing you a glass of water. You shot him an annoyed look, his face was pure innocence. 

 “Chronic tiredness.” You said. He urged you to continue, “Dizziness, headache, impaired vision, slow reflexes, muscle weakness, appetite loss.”

 “I think you’re missing a few.” He said. You sighed at him knowing the point he was trying to make. 

 “Poor concentration, short term memory problems, impaired judgement.” 

 “Heck… sound familiar?” He said as you both climbed onto the bed. 

 Leonard pulled you towards him, taking your entire body in his kissing your under eye repeatedly. 

 “It’s been fun ‘evidently from sleep deprivation circles’ but you’ve gotta go. It’s not personal I just love your host too much to keep you around.” Leonard joked and rearranged your pillows to make you both more comfortable. 

 “One more.” You whispered almost completely asleep. Leonard sighed heavily. 

 “Where’s a Vulcans heart.” You laughed at the easiness of the question. 

 “Right side. Between ribs and pelvis.”

 “Oooo, wrong.” He said pulling you closer. 

 “What! No I’m not?!” 

 “Vulcans don’t have hearts. Have you met the one we work with?” 

 You laughed, softly elbowing him in his own ribs for being horrible. 

 “You do this every time you have something big. You work yourself into the ground. It’s not good for you darlin’. Not good for my blood pressure either.” Leonard softly said removing the glasses from your face. 

 “I’m just scared. God knows how long I’ll need to wait to resit it.” You mumbled. 

 “Y/N, you don’t have to scrounge through textbooks for these answers. You’ve lived these answers. Hell I’ve watched you take over from doctors well above your rank when they’ve started feeling the heat. You’re exceptional. Being a doctor is in your damn blood.” You could tell by his tone he was sincere. Your heart sung but your head retorted. 

 “What if I fail?”

 “Then I guess you’ll have no choice but to have me watching over you for another two years.” Leonard rested his head on top of yours allowing your own to fall onto his chest. 

 “I guess that wouldn’t be so bad.” ‘And hopefully a lot longer’ you thought as you finally drifted off to sleep.

#star trek imagines #Star Trek Fanfiction #leonard mccoy imagines #bones imagines #leonard mccoy x reader #bones x reader #mccoy x reader #mccoy imagines #dr mccoy #dr mccoy imagines #dr mccoy x reader #bones star trek #star trek fic #doctor mccoy #doctor mccoy x reader

[ceiling-painted-white]

Hey!! Sooo, you asked for requests so I am here :] may I request Sal helping his s/o study? It's exam week and the most studying of done is a kahoot. I have 0 motivation :')

Also, I really like Ur pfp AND if you like, name Ur anons could I be tired anon? You'll probably see me in Ur inbox alot lol <3

ah thanks! ofc you can be tired anon! i love this request seeing as i’m currently procrastinating on some homework and studying rn. hope your exams go well! <3

(i didn’t know if you wanted hc’s or a oneshot, so i wrote hc’s because i had more ideas for them, but if you want a oneshot, lemme know and i’ll write you one!!) 

sal helping his s/o study - gn!reader

✧✿ he tries to help you in every way possible

✧✿ fr, literally anything he can do to help, he’s doing it before you even askkk

✧✿ asks about your learning style and tries his best to pander to that

✧✿ if flashcards work for you, you bet he’s making some for you

✧✿ visual learner? he’ll color code the heck out of your studying material and add little drawings to help you understand

✧✿ if your teacher/professor explained the material in a way that was confusing for you, he’ll go over the resources your teacher made for teaching and tries to explain them in a way that makes more sense

✧✿ i actually had a dream about him doing my missing assignments for me, so just imagine like

✧✿ if you couldn’t muster up the motivation to do an assignment he’d do it for you if you wanted <3

✧✿ if you need to pull an all-nighter, he’s up the entire time with you for moral support and such :)

✧✿ no like seriously, he doesn’t care if he’s gotta physically hold his eyes open, he wants to help as much as possible and he’d totally miss a night of sleep for you 

✧✿ encourages you to take breaks and not overwork yourself

✧✿ after all, its hard to focus and retain information if you’re exhausted

✧✿ i could see him setting alarms so you can study for 30 minutes and take a 5 minute break in between, its a pretty good study method 

✧✿if you’re super stressed, HE WOULD 100% BRING GIZMO FOR U TO PET LIKE PLS, EVEN THO I’M ALLERGIC TO CATS ALL I WANT IS TO DISTRESS BY PETTING GIZMO WITH SAL-

✧✿ brings you coffee/energy drinks/tea (depending on which one you prefer!), but makes sure you don’t overdo it on the caffeine, he knows caffeine can be unhealthy!

✧✿ if you started thinking poorly of yourself, saying that you’re stupid because you aren’t understanding the material, or that you’re a failure, etc. pls he’d shut that down so quickly, refuses to hear you saying bad things about yourself :(

✧✿ reassures you that you’re not stupid for not understanding the assignments/tests, and that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses when it comes to learning subjects, and that it’s nothing to feel bad about

✧✿ your grades and test scores don’t determine your intelligence or worth :)

✧✿ when (not if, i believe in u) you pass your exams and tell him, he’s so excited for you, takes u out wherever u want to celebrate :))

#tired anon #sally face x reader #sal fisher x reader #sal fisher hc #sal fisher x y/n

[ready-to-obeyme]

[OM!] (American) College!AU Demon Brothers

Scenario: Headcanons on the demon brothers as college students (specifically in the US because I don’t know how college works elsewhere), their possible majors, career goals, extracurriculars, ~GPA~ and whatever else I could think of + how meet you in college

Note: I’m hoping to do a Part 2 with the Undateables but honestly… we’ll see lol. This is based off something ~A~ and I thought of for our specific university but we’ve made it broad enough to share HAHA this turned out VERY long

- 

Lucifer

Majoring in Political Sciences with a minor in Psychology

Pre-Law-- most likely immigration law or child custody (there’s definitely a backstory here)

Initially went to community college for the first two years to save up money to take care of his younger siblings

Rejected an offer to go to an Ivy League because it was too expensive; if his siblings ever found out they’d be furious that he’d give up on that chance, but he knows he can succeed wherever he goes (and besides, family is first) 

Transferred into a 4-year university his junior year 

Very high GPA-- VERY

In a professional fraternity with Diavolo and Barbatos 

He didn’t think he’d join one either but Diavolo was the vice chair when he transferred in and the president the year after so… ~nepotism?~ and also Lucifer is charming as heck so no surprise he’d get in

Also rooms with Diavolo and Barbatos

Goes to the gym regularly just to keep fit; gets goaded by Diavolo and Satan into joining an IM team with his frat brothers and actual brothers-- probably basketball or flag football

Probably meets you at a interclub council meeting and mutters under his breath how useless the board members are and you overhear 

“Never have I met more incompetent people.”

“Lmao mood”

“!!!”

Keeps sitting next to you at every interclub meeting then after because at least there’s someone that can keep his mind stimulated (thinks you’re hot if you’re competent btw)

If you somehow meet him on campus, he’s the type of guy to put his hand up and pretend he didn’t see you (just kidding, he always ends up saying hi anyways) 

Will Absolutely Lecture You if you are procrastinating on studying especially if your midterm is, like, TOMORROW

Always ends up studying with him because he’s actually focused on studying and glares at you if you get distracted (but hey you get good scores in the end)

Mammon

Majoring in Business Econ/Economics, Minoring in Statistics

(always ends up in the middle of the “is econ a humanities or a STEM major” debate that leaves him left for dead) 

Planning to work in Business as Finance -- probably has been treasurer or finance director for a club; can even see him being a banker if it suits his plans better

Goes to a four-year university

Decent GPA (or Lucifer would absolutely destroy him), and does REALLY well in mathematics classes

Would room with Lucifer and his posse if they all go to the same school 

Probably in a Business Frat as well because he’s pretty charismatic when it comes down to it but  was an RA for some of his years for the free rooming and dining hall privileges 

Is a very chill and understanding RA (as in he smokes weed with you when he’s off-duty) but is surprisingly well-versed in dealing with roommate issues

Works part-time (gasp) to buy stuff off of Amazon and go out to places 

Spends a lot of time exploring places with his friends, going hiking, rock-climbing, clubbing-- which is expensive, as it turns out, so he needed to be able to afford it somehow

Meets you when you’re eating your lunch outside somewhere and he asks you if you have a dollar he could borrow for a vending machine snack

You exchange numbers with him so he can pay it back (even though you honestly don’t really need it, but why not) and turns out he’s in your GE class

“Heyyy wassup! So glad I have a friend in this class” 

“Oh by the way, did you finish the homework? Haha, I forgot it.” 

Mammon always repays you for your help in food though so you aren’t complaining

Leviathan

Majoring in Computer Sciences

And honestly that’s too much for me already-- the man is doing computer programming, coding-- WHEW-- and they do NOT rest

Goes to a community college but honestly has no problems cinching internships. The computer is his domain-- online applications are EASY, doing projects NOT as easy, interviews? HARD-- REALLY HARD (someone help him)

Probably intends to work with a big company like Google if only to help supply his income so he can live his life going to AX and buying merch 

Most likely moved out of his house mid-college with his online friends (who are luckily compatible with him living-space wise) and visits home once a week 

There’s two potential sides you can meet first: 

Either you meet him at a convention and you both gush about the same character and anime and somehow find each other online (not college related) 

Or his favorite Ruri-chan keychain gets broken off in the computer lab, and you’re the one running after him to give it him

He may or may not owe you his life after that (and if you enjoy anime, well that’s a bonus)

Both of these meetings can happen if he doesn’t recognize you in class because you were in cosplay-- imagine the surprise

The two of you as friends are MASTER PROCRASTINATORS at every assignment the two of you have-- so low-key not a great influence-- but you have fun together watching animes, playing games, talking about life-- anything but actual work 

Always ends up scrambling to finish things-- but he keeps doing it because it’s been working for him so far

You help him prepare for interviews because he’s always nervous before each one regardless of how well his application looks

Satan

Majoring in Comparative Literature AND Anthropology (ya boy is doing the whole nine yards)

Planning to get his Master’s and then a PhD in one of his majors (whichever proves to be more engaging for him)-- visibly excited to become a Professor

College was meant for Satan-- like REALLY; the man is in LOVE with learning; most likely to go and be accepted to an Ivy-League after Lucifer but... truly believes you can get a good education anywhere so it depends on his financial standing (and how much scholarship he gets)

Does get a little disgruntled when his classes aren’t available but doesn’t mind learning something new-- if the professor bores him to death, he’ll read the book

Really good at tutoring people; someone suggests that he works as a peer-learning facilitator/writing tutor and he does-- might as well make bank doing something you always do anyways   

Joins a writing/journal club as an extracurricular and a club that provides tutoring services to the underserved community-- surprisingly good with kids!

He knows friends in high places, so if he wanted to, could get into any party without batting an eye and his favorite professors love him

Spends a lot of his time going out to the city and exploring places, similarly to Mammon, rock-climbing, hiking, paragliding-- anything

He is VERY well-rounded as you can see; competes with Lucifer to see whose GPA is better though

You probably meet him during office hours, and you can only stare in awe as he asks questions that you had in mind, but better; if you’re visibly confused about something, he’ll take his time to help you too (it’s habit at this point)

Ask him for his contact info and you’ll get it, and maybe repay him in coffee? (You always see him at the cafe on campus.) 

Most likely to have a specific spot in a cafe that he is always at that the workers actually save a spot for him or give him his usual order before he even arrives-- may or may not have helped them edit their essays or with their homework as a thank-you so you KNOW they’ll love him forever

The type of person to help you make flashcards and cram if you need it

Asmodeus

Majoring in Dance and Fine Arts (I HC going to NYU specifically)

Considering going for an Master of Fine Arts degree but he might just move to New York and go for being a Broadway Star

College is mainly just training for him and hoping to land gigs in local theater-- and the university theater if there is one-- and building his resume for his big break 

Has SO many extracurriculars, all pertaining to his career choice, but also because he enjoys what he does: drama, competitive dance team, acapella, fashion design

Makes an unbelievable amount of friends, incredibly good at networking

The first time you saw him was when he was performing for a local theater and you were in love with his performance, and the next time you saw him in the hallway of a classroom building, you told him how much you enjoyed it

Always accepts compliments about his looks with grace, but there’s something about truly being admired for his acting and singing that has him preening

Invites you to come out to his next performance, and if not his, then to another play-- and it can be a date, but up to you ;) 

The man is the KING of Multiple Talents and has big dreams to match 

Always finds a way to hang out with you and drag you to every club that he can use his fake-id for (and when he’s actually 21 and above, gets a little offended that he doesn’t get ID’d) 

A night in the town with you is always a good night! 

Sometimes when he has practical exams coming up, he asks you to watch him perform-- and he likes your compliments but actually takes getting all the moves seriously so you better pay attention!

Most likely to move far away to reach his dreams, but he would take you with him if he could-- his little star

Beelzebub

Majoring in Physiological Sciences

Pre-Nursing or Pre-Sports Medicine 

He’s a little undecided, but he’s definitely going to go into the health field because he likes the idea of being able to use his strength to help others

Gets a scholarship from the university because he’s part of the football team, which is actually pretty hard on him because Fall Semester/Quarter he has to keep skipping classes for games  

Always brings a snack to eat with him during lecture-- and is not afraid to bring his entire lunch and make it right in the front row, though he tends to stick to the back because they tend to have electrical plugs 

You most likely meet him during lecture: he offers you an entire sandwich (not a chip bag, not fruit snacks, an entire LUNCH) because he heard your stomach growl during class 

From then on, you collect notes for him when he’s gone from games and even go to games if you aren’t usually the type to just to see how he’s doing; it’s hard trying to find you among the huge bleachers, but he always asks you where you’re sitting anyways 

Really appreciate it if you help him study into late at night because it IS hard balancing sports and academics 

He most likely doesn’t really have any time for anything else so he usually makes up for it during the rest of the year when training is less to volunteer in the hospital or at the gym as a personal trainer 

If you ask him to teach you how to properly lift weights, he’ll definitely help out and the both of you can work out together-- though you feel bad when he has to add four extra weights to each side after you finish your reps

Belphegor

Majoring in Computer Graphics/Animation

Intending to go into making animation or game design-- is one of the brothers who doesn’t really know exactly what he wants to do yet because he’s afraid that doing what he loves as a job will ruin it for him

His family reassures him that they’ll support him whether or not he continues with his path in life, but he’s considering art school and then taking internships in places so he has a better idea on what he wants

Most likely to sell his own original work and become a full-time artist regardless

I think you already know how you meet him-- he’s sleeping in a lecture hall-- either against the wall or on the small piece of wood they call a desk when class ends and he’s still sleeping; and you wake him up 

Sleepily thanks you and continues to sleep through every class that you wake him up to; when you ask him why he doesn’t just go home and sleep, he tells you he’s too lazy to walk back and forth from his dorm/apartment to campus (mood) 

When you add each other on Snapchat or something, he sends you pics of ‘places to nap’ on campus

You always end up studying together because he’s actually pretty good at understanding lecture stuff despite not being awake for most of it-- apparently he’s used to teaching himself 

Will make you art for your birthday and will vehemently refuse payment so he just tells you to take him out for dinner instead 

If you talk about how you’re not sure on what you want to do in life too, he’ll probably say ‘mood’ but is most likely to encourage you to do whatever you want to do in life too 

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me leviathan #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me shall we date? #ngl i would date beel in this au 100%

[studyspiration-coffee]

how to study efficiently

don’t spend more time more time making your notes than actually revising them

note-taking itself honestly isn’t the best study method when used by itself; you’re overloading your brain with content and you can go on autopilot very quickly 

the key to note-taking being extremely useful for your studying is making testable notes. before uni I was into flashcards, but I was definitely guilty of making the mistake I first outlined; taking forever to actually flashcard everything and not using the flashcards enough times. the easiest way to get around this is making cornell notes, and I 100% recommend doing so digitally.

type your lecture/class notes like you would normally, and then in a separate document, create a table with two columns and make the column on the left side significantly narrower. copy the lecture notes you took and paste them into the larger column on the right. colour code these notes if you wish (I recommend it). I personally underline headings, use arrow subheadings, have yellow highlight for terms and bolded orange for any important information.

write the cue questions in the narrower column. 

this cuts down the time you take to actually organise/make your revision notes like no tomorrow, so when exams come around you can just say the cue question, recite the information verbally or write down your answer depending on what type of learner you are, and write down the information you missed on a blank sheet of paper.

rule of thumb: don’t handwrite EVERYTHING. it takes forever, and time is of the essence. type the things that will help you understand content, handwrite content that is super vital/you struggle with, which are definitely not mutually exclusive. think of typing as the bones and flesh, handwriting for the bones and any flesh that you keep forgetting about. weird analogy, let’s move on.

don’t listen to music when you study. or at least, try not to. this is crazy for me to say personally, because in high school I HAD to have music to be able to do any work. but first year has led to this bizarre shift of not listening to anything at all, and I recommend trying it out. if it’s still not working, I have a suggestion; listen to a genre of music that you NEVER or RARELY ever listen to in any other area of your life (preferably a genre with limited words). for me that was jazz. that way, you’ll only associate the playlist with studying. sometimes when I have zero motivation, I play my jazz playlist to get myself working, and then around 5 minutes in I have to pause the playlist to focus on my work. i never thought that would ever happen but here we are.

this one’s a little more ~controversial~ but don’t take super rigid and routinely breaks. say you have a system of studying for an hour and taking a ten minute break. a lot of the time, this will work and satisfy you. but sometimes, you’ll get to around the half an hour mark, and already feel tired/drained/antsy/not in the mood/done with the content already, you name it. it’s better to take a micro break then to re-energise so you can plough through that revision than wait for your scheduled break; you’ll probably spend the rest of the hour unfocused and impatient, and by the time you get to your break you'll probably end up taking a much longer one than you anticipated because you were tired long before. will you ever actually return to your work that day? hm.

so, allow flexibility for study and break times. 

examples of micro breaks; making a beverage, writing a quick journal entry, decluttering your desk (depending on how messy your desk is tbh, don’t worry, we’ve all been there), checking the news, staring at the wall for a bit (again, we’ve all been there), finding study quotes on google, looking at pictures of Elle Woods etc etc etc

if you’re in a time crunch and you can’t do as many timed essays as you need, please type up essay plans (I say type instead of handwrite because typing makes it 500 times easier to edit and add sections). low-key for certain subjects plans can be more helpful than writing full essays

past papers are your best friend, but only if you; mark them, write down why you got an answer wrong (usually best for calculations or mcq), edit your response with the marking criteria (usually best for short answers), rewrite the marking criteria word for word if your answer and the criteria answer are vastly different (i.e the energy of reading and comparing the two and wondering if the responses were for two completely different questions or alas even courses), redo the questions you get wrong (all of them pls). simply doing a past paper and adding some ticks and crosses here and there isn’t going to do anything, there’s no magic involved.

voice memos are also extremely helpful, especially if you’re an auditory learner. don’t drone out information for each topic word for word (the voice notes will be like three hours long, and if that isn’t enough to demotivate future you, listening to it will feel...well...will you feel anything at all? that’s the true question), but definitely record yourself explaining a topic or question type to yourself. voice memos are also really great for working on assignments. trying to flesh out your thesis? record yourself and title it thesis. trying to figure out what the heck your arguments should be? record yourself and title it what the heck are my arguments. trying to understand a crucial part of set reading? title it help me what is happening with ‘title of set reading’

definitely not saying you have to use all of the above study strategies at once (oh my), but I hope that integrating one of them into your study routine (or even using just one, it’s all about studying less but studying well) helps you out!

#studyblr #studyspo #study tips #study motivation #study #lawblr #fuckstudy #notes #bujo #note-taking #studiix #elkstudies #mine

[soft-stormcloud]

Dear Happy

On ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26028052

Summary: There’s a side only Patton knows about. 

Trigger warnings: Hurt/Comfort, food mentions, insecurity, depression, lack of motivation, self-deprecating thoughts

A/n: @justmeandmygayships beta'd this for me and if it wasn't for xem there would be a lot of sentences in here that straight up wouldn't make sense so go thank xem by reading xeir fics 

I created a character to put Patton through some Angst(tm) and instead Gray and I ended up shipping him with Patton so cheers to that

Patton wasn’t sure why he was the only one who could see him, as he visited Patton the least of all. He wasn’t so much a side, not a function like Morality, or Logic. But he was a very real part of the Mindscape, despite the others not knowing about him. 

Sometime after the puppet video, Roman took Logan and Virgil into the Imagination for an adventure. It was Roman’s way of an apology, and a very effective one, at that. A day of being spoiled by a prince in a place where you can do and have anything had a way of winning people over. 

Patton stayed behind. They invited him, and seemed sad that he wouldn’t go, but he had to work on his own apology, no matter how many times they insisted it wasn’t necessary. He wanted to. 

He spent the afternoon preparing a surprise of all their favourite treats—Lemon poppy seed bread for Logan (with a brand new jar of Crofters), red velvet cupcakes for Roman, and sugar cookies cut into bats, ghosts, and witch hats for Virgil (with a promise to help decorate). 

Patton found himself getting lost in the music he put on; he danced around the kitchen, apron twirling around like a swing dress, as he sang loud and off-key. He went on autopilot, sliding the cupcakes in the oven, and kneading the bread dough. 

He hadn’t felt so light, so giddy, in a very long time. His stomach fluttered each time he imagined their faces, and he couldn’t help but giggle. He was going to make them so happy. 

“Such a lovely sight.” 

Patton screamed and whipped around, holding the dough like a shield. The boy in the kitchen leapt back like he was startled. He pressed his back against the wall, and they held each other’s gaze. 

“Are you a new side?” Patton shakily lowered the dough, just a bit. I hope not. He’s creepy. 

He shook his head. 

“Then who are you?” Patton flicked his gaze around, half expecting to see more Thomas look-a-likes pouring into the room. 

“I’m…” The boy cleared his throat. “My name is Eden. My function is, well, for simplicity's sake… Happiness.”

Patton blinked. “Happiness?” 

“Yes.”

He set the dough down with trembling hands and smoothed down his apron. “Well, I’m… Sorry for the fright. You surprised me. I’m-”

“I know who you are.” Eden smiled a crooked smile, eyes crinkling. “Patton. I’ve been here since the start.”

Patton frowned in confusion. He’d been there the whole time, and he just now decided to show himself? He wanted to be diplomatic, but it was hard to trust him. How did he know Eden was being honest about his function? How did he know he wasn’t just Deceit in disguise?

Eden tisked and raised a pale hand to examine it. His honey-coloured eyes sparkled through his skin, the photo of Roman he was standing in front of showing through his fluffy, dark hair. 

“What’s happening?” Patton asked in panic. 

“Well…” He laughed weakly. “I don’t stay forever. I guess the scare changed your mood a bit. I really am sorry about that, I wasn’t trying to intrude. It’s just my job.” 

“Wait- Wait- Don’t leave!” Patton swiped out to grab Eden’s hand, but he went straight through. “We still don’t know why I’m seeing you!” 

Eden faded faster the more Patton panicked. He waved and smiled. “Until next time.” 

Then he was gone. 

It was a long time before Patton saw Eden again. He kept an eye out, but part of him was convinced he imagined the entire thing. How can someone be in the Mindscape without anyone else knowing about it? Were there other figments? Why could Patton suddenly see him? 

And why did Patton miss him?

He spent every day on edge, checking every inch of every room for a glimpse of lavender fabric. It was a month later with no Happiness in sight when Patton settled himself shakily at his desk and pulled out his favourite notepad. It had little cartoon cats all over the pages, the lines pastel blue. 

The clock read 2:03. The full moon shone through Patton’s open window, brittle breeze chasing a shiver down Patton’s spine. 

Dear Happiness, 

His hand hovered over the notepad. What the heck was he supposed to say? ‘I miss you, please come back even though we don’t know each other?’ ‘I want to abuse your function and not care about you as a person?’

Patton shuddered. This was a bad idea. 

I haven’t seen you around. Is everything okay? 

You should come over. I want to get to know you more. Maybe we can figure out why I can see you. 

<3 patton 

He waited several weeks before he accepted that he won’t get a response. 

One morning, Patton drifted around the kitchen to make breakfast, eyelids heavy and steps slow. He was halfway through when footsteps shuffled behind him. 

Patton smiled. “Morning, kiddo!” 

Virgil flinched. Patton’s smile faded as Virgil sat at the table, bringing his legs up and propping his head on the table. 

“Hey,” Patton said softly. He rested his hands on the sides of Virgil’s face, guiding Virgil to look at him. “Nightmare?” 

“Yeah,” he mumbled, eyes downcast. “It was… Worse than usual.” 

Patton stroked his soft, warm skin. “You want some coffee?”

Virgil nodded shyly. Patton kissed his forehead and bounced over to the coffee pot, starting a brew. “Breakfast is almost finished, too! Just go ahead and decompress, sweetheart, I got this.” 

Patton turned with Virgil’s coffee, and gasped. Eden had his chest pressed to Virgil’s back, arms wrapped around his torso and chin rested on Virgil’s shoulder. He brought a finger to his lips and smiled. 

“What is it?” Virgil asked nervously, and Eden started to fade. 

“No- Nothing!” Patton hurried over and set down his coffee. “I thought I saw something, but nothing’s wrong, love. There—Made just how you like it.”

Virgil blushed as Eden’s form came back. “Thanks, Dad,” he muttered. 

In the middle of breakfast, Eden reached out and rested a hand over Patton’s. A smile crawled over Patton’s face. 

After Virgil left, Eden stuck around. Patton stood awkwardly, hands clasped and pressed to his chest. 

“So, um…” Patton looked away, face red. “What have you, uh… Been up to? Seen any other figments lately?”

“I got your letter.” Eden smiled sadly. “I can’t just come when you ask, Patton. I come when I’m called.” 

Patton’s face crumpled in distress. “You don’t choose where you go?”

“I go where I’m needed.”

Patton bit his tongue. I need you. 

“You’ll be okay,” Eden promised. “We’ll talk again soon. Just… Keep on, okay?” 

Patton nodded, sniffling. “Yeah.” He forced a smile and straightened up. “Yeah! Of course.”

Eden smiled, then he faded away. 

The next few months were difficult. Patton’s mind grew groggy with constant exhaustion, and he found it hard to focus on anything for too long. One time Virgil had to stop him from pulling a tray of cookies out of the oven without a mitt. 

He found himself lying awake at night, and sleeping all day. He suppressed the urge to ignore Thomas and the other sides’ summonings, and reminded himself to put on a happy face. No one paid him too much attention or looked too closely. It was stupid, but it brought a deep dread to his stomach. 

He was still in bed when they came to check on him. He was half asleep, and didn’t remember answering the timid knocks on his door. 

“Pat?” Virgil’s cool hand brushed Patton’s bangs back as the bed dipped beside his hips. “Is everything okay?”

“Hm?” He rolled over, leaning into Virgil’s touch. Virgil chuckled and ran his fingers through Patton’s hair. 

“We’re worried about you.” Logan stood awkwardly at the side of the bed, clutching his flashcards. “You’ve shown an increase in symptoms of depression, more so than usual, and… Virgil?”

“We know you’ve been repressing again.” 

Patton sat up, face burning. “It’s not that big of a deal,” he mumbled. 

Virgil laced their fingers and shook his head. “We all talked about this. It’s not good for you, and it’s not good for Thomas. You don’t have to hide it.”

Logan nodded. “Virgil put it perfectly. I have nothing to add.”

A hand touched his back, and Patton jumped. Logan and Virgil looked at him in confusion. Eden’s soft eyes met Patton’s, his hand crawling up Patton’s back and rubbing at the top of his spine. 

“Sorry,” Patton mumbled, unable to hide his smile. He squeezed Virgil’s hand. “I just thought I heard something. I’m sorry I didn’t go to you guys.”

Logan hesitantly sat. “If I were you… I’d partake in some leisure activities. Virgil and I can join, if that’ll make it more enjoyable.” 

Patton wiped his wet eyes and nodded. “That’d be great.”

Eden followed them into the kitchen. Virgil and Logan helped him bake bread, Eden weaving between the three of them like a satin lace pulling them together. 

I can get through. Patton smiled as he pulled Virgil into a dance, one of his favourite songs playing on the radio. I can get through. 

xxx 

The day after the Phases episode, Patton visited Roman, who’d been holed up in his room all day. He didn’t even come out for food. 

Patton knocked on the door with his foot, the plates on his tray rattling together. He yipped as he almost spilled the glass of juice. 

“Come in!”

“You mind helping me out here, Ro?” 

He shuffled around, and a moment later, he pulled the door open. His eyes lit up. “Cream of broccoli?!” He took the tray happily and settled back at his desk. 

Patton startled. Eden sat criss-cross at Roman’s feet, leaning back against the leg of the chair. He waved at Patton cutely. 

“Good day, Ro?” He sat at the edge of Roman’s bed, trying not to stare at Eden. 

“Mhm!” Roman spoke with his mouth full. “The Phases video gave me lots of inspiration! I’ve been working on a new project all day!” 

“Well, you gotta remember to eat, too.” 

Roman blushed. “I know, I just didn’t want to lose momentum.” He set his spoon down and wrapped his fingers around the glass. He stared into it with a blush. “Thank you, padre.” 

After eating, Roman got back to work. Eden stood behind him with his hands on Roman’s shoulders, gently kneading. Patton should’ve probably left- Even though Roman couldn’t see Eden, he felt like he was intruding on something intimate -but he couldn’t draw his attention away. 

Had Eden been with him all day? Was he able to be with multiple sides at once? How did Roman snag him for so long, did Eden like him better? 

“You’re overthinking,” Eden murmured, and Patton looked at him in surprise and confusion. He frowned, eyebrows drawn in sadness. “This is why you’re not supposed to know about me.” 

Patton got up to kiss Roman on the forehead, take his tray, and leave. As much as he wanted to, he didn’t look back. 

Over the next few weeks, he struggled with his feelings. It was difficult to take the others’ advice—His habit of shoving down any bad feelings was more ingrained than he realized. Every time he was upset, he tried to convince himself that he wasn’t and it was fine, until he caught himself. Then he sat there in a kind of stumped limbo. He wasn’t sure what the next step was. 

He tried talking to Virgil and Logan about it, but everything they suggested didn’t help much, and he regretted the waste in energy. 

He desperately thought back to all the times Eden had visited before. The only thing he could see in common was that he was in a good mood. It was a long shot, but if he could replicate that, maybe Happiness would show. 

He settled himself early into bed with hot chocolate in his favourite mug, topped high with whipped cream and sprinkles. He was dressed in soft pyjamas, his weighted blanket pulled over his lap and his favourite show on. 

His drink tasted just as good as it always did, and the show pulled giggles out of him throughout the night, but in the back of his mind, all he could focus on was if Eden would show up or not. 

He tried all night, but his frustration rose with the sun. 

He slumped at his desk before bed, letters messy and words running together. 

Dear Happiness, 

I miss you. 

I’m not sure what happened last night. I guess you must have been busy, helping another side or something. That’s okay. They deserve your help. But I miss you. 

What did I do wrong? 

-patton 

Unsurprisingly, Patton didn’t get a response. He waited a few days before giving up.

Maybe Eden just didn’t like hanging out with him. Maybe he was repulsed by Patton, didn’t think Patton deserved his company. 

That was fine. 

He didn’t need Eden. 

Patton’s eyes fluttered open in the darkness of his room one night. His throat burned, and he groaned when he reached for his empty glass on the bedside table. 

He stumbled past the other’s rooms as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He returned with his newly filled glass, and stopped at the top of the stairs. The soft light from Logan’s desk lamp spilled into the hallway through his open door. He wasn’t inside. 

Patton’s heartbeat quickened. The bathroom was empty, and Patton hadn’t noticed him when he was downstairs. Is he okay? Did the dark sides do something with him? 

His hands trembled as he hurried down the stairs. Deceit’s snake eye, his shimmering scales, flashed in Patton’s mind. His gaze flicked to the spot by the blinds. 

His glass teetered on its edge as he dropped it on the table he passed. He threw the front door open, fully intending to cross the street and interrogate the dark sides- 

Logan laid in the grass. 

Patton pressed his hand to his heart. Idiot. He’s fine. 

His mouth creased into a frown. Eden laid next to Logan, hands clasped. 

Patton tiptoed back onto the porch steps. One of the old wood panels creaked, and Logan glanced back. 

“Oh. Patton.” He propped himself up on his elbow and adjusted his glasses. “Is everything okay?”

He nodded, cheeks burning. “Just wanted to check on you.” 

“I’m unharmed.” Logan laid back. “You should join me.” 

Patton’s heart fluttered. He shook his head. “Oh, no, I couldn’t-” 

Logan looked back, and Patton softened. His eyes were owlishly big behind his glasses, his mouth pulled into a concerned frown. 

“I can stay a bit.” Patton sat criss-cross on the soft grass, trying not to stare at Eden. He absentmindedly ran his fingers through the untrimmed blades, the thin slices tickling his palms. 

“You don’t need to worry if I’m not in my room at night.” Logan’s eyes flicked between star to star. “I like stargazing. I like the solitude of it. It’s… In honesty, it’s the only calm I get unless I’m working.” 

Patton stiffened. “I can leave you alone-”

“I enjoy your company.” 

He jumped as soft skin touched his. Eden laced their fingers and whispered, “I miss you, too. Stay.”

Patton blushed and looked away. “I can stay for a bit.” 

xxx 

As lovely as his night with Logan and Eden was, Patton found his mental health rapidly decreasing. Thomas’s life was spiralling out of control, and Patton desperately tried to keep a handle on things, but every choice he made was a mistake. 

His family grew impatient with him. Roman’s creativity was stunted, and Virgil tensed when Patton touched him. Logan was more frustrated than usual—He shut down nearly everything Patton said. 

And after the Intrusive Thoughts video, things seemed hopeless. 

How had he been so… Wrong? How could he treat them all that way, without even noticing? Was he that bad of a person? Was he corrupting Thomas?

If he rarely got out of bed before, he lived there now. He didn’t get up to eat, only to make dinner when someone requested it of him. Anxiety seeped under Patton’s door from Virgil’s room, and the frustration in the house concentrated in Patton’s room. 

Indecision hindered him. He couldn’t get out of bed, because he couldn’t be faced with another day with the potential to fail Thomas, and everyone else in the Mindscape. 

And Eden hadn’t visited him in months. 

I miss you, too, he had said. He didn’t mean it. He would have shown up by then. 

The only time he was able to force himself out of bed was to make a decision he knew he couldn’t mess up. He pulled his hood up and wrapped his sleeves around his palms, trudging across the lawn to the dark sides’ house looming across the street. He crossed the black stone pathway and stopped at the porch, hand raised. 

Inside was chaos—Glass breaking, yelling, laughing, fighting. Deceit wasn’t home, then. 

He climbed down the steps and circled around to the back. He stretched up on his tiptoes to reach over the black panels of wood and feel around for the gate lock. He sighed in relief when he hit it and it came undone, the gate slipping open. 

He took a step into the garden, and voices stopped him. 

“It worked!” Remus’s voice was practically a squeal. Patton crept forward and peeked through the leaves of a yellow rosebush. Remus’s hands clasped Deceit’s, bouncing up and down. 

“And you’re sure?” Deceit asked. His mouth twitched upwards. “Everything went according to plan?”

Patton held his hand to his mouth as Remus pressed a sloppy kiss to Deceit’s mouth. “Yes! We’re gonna be light sides, JJ!” 

Patton inched closer, the new angle revealing Eden hugging Remus’s arm, one hand rested over Deceit and Remus’s. 

Anger bubbled in Patton’s stomach. He whipped around, intention of apologizing lost, and stormed back to his room. 

He scrabbled for the first piece of paper and pen he could find. He nearly ripped the fragile pages as he scratched ink. 

Happiness, 

I’m glad you’re enjoying your time with everyone else. I’m so happy for you all. If you ever need me, I’ll be right here waiting, alone. But we both know that won’t happen. We both know you don’t need me, don’t want me, just as the others don’t. 

I don’t need you anyway. I don’t need you to help Thomas and I don’t need you to feel okay and I don’t need you to do my job. 

I wish we’d never met. 

Morality

PS: did you plan this? 

xxx 

“Pat?”

Patton forced on a friendly face and pulled the door open. It was a few weeks after Janus told them his name, and everyone was tentatively mending relationships. He couldn’t ruin that with his own anger. 

“Everything okay, Roman?”

He nodded. “We, uh… Well, we were thinking a movie night. Uh, now.” 

Patton blinked. They hadn’t had a movie night since they watched Frozen. “That sounds fun, kiddo.” 

“So you’ll come?” Roman smiled sheepishly. 

Patton twisted his fingers in his shirt. “If you want me there, I’m there!”

He grinned. “Perfect! Come on, we still have time to vote!” 

Roman grabbed his hand and dragged him downstairs. Patton’s eyes widened when they stepped into the living room. All of the usual suspects were there- Virgil curled at one side of the couch, Logan in the armchair, plenty of space for Roman and Patton to sit -but three new faces joined them. 

Janus and Remus sat on the loveseat, Remus clothed this time. Remus had his legs thrown over Janus’s lap, and Janus looked annoyed but ran his hand up and down his shin subconsciously. 

And Eden sat on the floor, back pressed to the couch, in the middle of them all. 

Patton settled in the empty seat behind Eden. He didn’t react as Eden said, “I have a good feeling.” 

Patton pursed his lips and glanced down. 

Eden leaned back and rested his head against Patton’s knee. “Hang out with me tonight,” he whispered. 

Patton relaxed into the couch. Remus cackled as he poked at the scales on Janus’s face, who continuously pushed him away. Virgil and Roman argued about Roman tampering with the votes, and Logan took it all in with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. 

“Okay,” Patton whispered back, unable to stop from smiling. “That sounds good.” 

Tag list: @mirror2thespirit thx babe lmao 

#patton sanders #that's it that's the tweet #it's all patton babbeeeyyyy #i don't really feel comfortable tagging the others bc they all play important but brief roles lol *shrugs* #listen if i was surfing the virgil tag and a patton centric fic showed up i would be. sad #patton #oc: eden #oc: happiness #virgil writes #and ik it's obvious but yeah this is based off dodie and thomas's song lol #god this concept has been in my head for so long i just couldn't get a cohesive plot out of it #and then i listened to new dodie music and got approximately 545485748534534 ideas at once #and let me know if you like eden bc honestly? what a boy #also jesus fucking christ these are so many tags i haven't done this in a while #let's do a throwback and send analogical bedroom eyes if you've gotten this far #xx

[hotchley]

🐨 Okay, we have a multi-part ask! Woot woot! Or possibly “oh shit”, I don’t know how you feel about my rambling asks.

1) Your head cannon about Hotch going to Seaver’s graduation is my favorite thing. I have to imagine he felt bad about bringing her onto the team just because of what happened with her father. He knows what’s it like to have a past you long to escape but still feel defined by. I wonder if Hotch worries more than the rest of the BAU when they bring new recruits in. He already feels bad about all the member of the BAU have been through, and now they’re bringing in more people to go through this stuff.

B) Happy Monday, if you can call Mondays happy. What have you been up to?

C) I may go radio-silent again. Or just send you random screams of Regret 😂 It’s AP testing week here in the US. Have we American teens complained enough that you know what those are? Basically, some of us make the horrible decision to take a college-level class with a giant textbook and ridiculous two-part tests. And then in May, we take The Test. It’s a full-morning event, too. Multiple choice section, three different three-part Short Answer Questions, a Long Answer Question, and a Document Based Question (aka The DBQ, aka the bane of my existence). If we pass, we get college credit. If we don’t...well, we cry. You did your A-levels, right? Or am I getting that mixed up with GCSEs? Either way, any advice for these types of test?

Don't worry I love the rambling asks!! It makes me feel like: yes, I seem approachable and like this is a safe space for everyone- which is what I want it to be! Also this got really long so I've basically put the entire answer below the keep reading for ease :)

A) Aww thank youuu. It's briefly mentioned in aaron that he does go, but that's coming along veryyy slowly, so I thought I would share it with everyone anyways. Oh he does worry. He feels guilty enough doing interviews because he's seen what the job does to people, so when they're young.... but the team needs profilers so.... yeah, it's just a sad time for him

B) Today is a happy Monday because it was Bank Holiday Weekend so everyone gets the day off- I literally kept forgetting it was so bad I was like: huh why is everybody like: on Tuesday, what's happening on Monday??

I have been... school work mainly. Saturday, I dealt with all of my Germany stuff and then I went to my cousins for iftar (what you have when you break your fast). Yesterday we did a barbecue so we could deliver food to all of our family friends and we ended up staying with one of them until after midnight which was not ideal but it's fine. I ended up doing my intervention flashcards this morning after sehri (the thing before you start your fast) so yeah.

I definitely did not eat enough whoopsie. But today, I've been doing my law work- I just washed my hair so I'm feeling very accomplished- and now I just need to do the flashcards. I've also been watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. And I started reading again!! I was like: yeah, I'm not going to ruin my hobby for the sake of applications, so I started a darker shade of magic and I think it's really good!!

C) I have heard SO MUCH about AP classes and whatever, but without ever really knowing what they were so I just assumed it was some advanced thing but I didn't get what it was until now, so thank you for sharing!

College level?? What the actual heck?? In my school, the really smart maths students did Level 3 algebra but that was like A-Level. They would never give uni level stuff to us... yeah that does not sound fun at all and I do not envy you.

I'm doing my A-Levels now, but I got my GCSE results last summer (I did not sit the exams so it was all based off the stuff I had done in school, which actually worked in my favour) so yeah.

I don't have specific advice for that type of test because I only get a few multiple choice in Chemistry and History/Law are purely essay based, but I did this at GCSE and currently do it now, so it may help:

Please be aware that I'm neurotypical so this may not work for everyone!!

I took my written notes (which were a mess) and typed them up so they were functional and worked. Forget about making them look pretty, there's really no need.

I made flashcards with the most essential information and points- this may help with the multiple choice stuff- because it meant if I forgot everything else, I'd at least have some basic knowledge that would get me a few marks if nothing else.

I also make mindmaps but not the pretty studygram ones. These are done on A4 paper and go in the bin after the exam but basically, I dump everything I know without looking onto that sheet in one colour, and then I would add everything I needed to look at in a different colour. These are just helpful for recall.

Practice question, after practice question after practice question. Under timed circumstances too. Cos erm, if you don't do it to time, you're really going to stress in the exam, so yeah. That'd probably work for the long answer question.

I hope all your exams go well!! And here's what I wished somebody would've told me, instead of just accusing me of not even trying but anyways:

Your best in that moment is enough. What you do under pressure and in timed conditions is never going to be the same as what you do when you're relaxed and have time and that's okay. Just do what you can, and that has to be enough.

(And anybody that says otherwise can fight me)

But sending you all the luck and faith in the world!!

#people talk to me #🐨 anon

[monaisme]

Day 27: “I wish I had never given you a chance”

* *Six months ago* *

“Hey, Parker, do you have a minute?”

Peter looked over his shoulder, positive someone named Parker would be standing behind him. When he saw no one, he turned back to Flash. “Are you talking to me?”

Flash scowled, “Ha-ha, Parker, really funny.” He looked up and down the hallway, appearing to be rather uncomfortable. “Really, do you have a minute to talk... just talk?”

It was Peter’s turn to check and see if the hallway was clear. He was suddenly very nervous that Flash’s buddies would suddenly swarm, leaving Peter bloody, bruised, stained, soaked, or some combination of the four. He wasn’t in the mood for it... not today. “I have to get going, Flash, so if you and your band of thugs are planning something, can we get it out of the way quick so I’m not late—or at least have a chance to change before hitting the subway?”

Flash’s scowl changed to something Peter hadn’t seen on him before. Whatever it was, it was a genuine emotion—not the ‘Flash’ bravado he put on for the masses.

It had Peter concerned. “Flash? Is everything okay?”

He cleared his throat, “Look, I don’t want to make a big deal out of this. I just... I mean...” He huffed in frustration. “It has come to my attention that I am perhaps not the... nicest... person on the planet and that I should be working on bettering myself as a human being.”

“What are you talking about, Flash?” Peter couldn’t contain the confusion.

Flash looked up, like he was praying for patience, or maybe willpower? Regardless, he kept going, “This isn’t easy for me, Parker so cut me some slack!” He breathed heavily.

“Flash?”

“I’m serious! I’m realizing that I’m a bit of a shithead and I’m trying to change—and I can’t do that if you’re wondering if my friends are hiding around the corner waiting for me to spring a trap.”

Peter had to take a second to pick his jaw up off of the floor. There were so many things he could say in response to Flash’s declaration. ‘What a fantastic life choice!’— ‘I’m proud of you, Flash!’ –- but when he opened his mouth, “Just a bit?” spilled out.

Neither of them said anything of a few seconds, and then the loudest snort laugh Peter had ever heard came out of Flash’s face... which led to the two of them howling in laughter in that empty hallway. Every time one of them calmed down, they’d look at the other and start all over again.

Eventually they stopped. Peter was bent over at the waist catching his breath and Flash was wiping the last of the tears off his cheeks. Their eyes connected, and something passed between them. Nothing life altering or soul shattering, but... something.

“That was fair, Parker,” Flash acknowledged and with a sincerity Peter didn’t know was possible from the other, he said, “I am sorry for the things I’ve done, and I’m going to try to do better.”

Peter wanted to be the better person, but there was so much history. He smiled at his high school nemesis—oops, ex-nemesis and replied, “I look forward to seeing the change.”

He thought he saw Flash’s face fall, but in a second the look was gone.

“I’ll have to take that.” Flash accepted graciously and then, “So, yeah,” The moment was over. “I’m gonna go now, I think my Dad’s here to pick me up so...” Flash pointed some fingers guns at him, “I’ll see you at practice, ‘kay?”

Peter smiled, “You bet, Flash. See you at practice.”

* *Five months ago* *

Lunch period was just starting when the announcement came over the PA system, “Eugene Thompson, please report to the office. Eugene Thompson to the office, please. Thank you.”

Of course, half the cafeteria called out the requisite ‘ooooooh’s’ and Flash, who was sitting only a table over, looked over at Peter, with Ned and MJ, and shrugged. He grabbed the apple and water bottle off of his tray and brought the rest over to Peter. “I’m not sure how long I’ll be. Can I ask you to watch this, and if I’m not back by,” he checked out the clock on the wall, “Say quarter after twelve, you guys can finish it?”

In unison, the three all turned to looked over to the table of friends that Flash had just left, “Why not ask one of them?” Ned asked.

Flash chuckled and shot down the idea. “I’m not in the mood to play ‘which food did they spit in?’ Thank you very much. If you can’t that’s cool, but...”

Peter jumped in, “We’ve got it, Flash. We’ll watch the clock. 12:15pm.” He didn’t quite know what else to say. “Um. Hope it’s nothing catastrophic?”

Flash grimaced. “Me, too. Uh... thanks.” With a small wave he exited the cafeteria.

Ned jumped on him first, “Dude! What the heck!? I know you told me he’d apologized but that was straight out of the Twilight Zone!” Ned was freaking out.

MJ, always the level headed of the group, nodded in approval. “I can appreciate the effort he’s making to break out of a social construct of his own creation. It must be difficult to make a change when everything around you stays the same.” She looked across to Flash’s buddies and then to Peter.

He rolled his eyes at the implication. “C’mon, MJ. It’s been a month and there’s a lot of history there, you know? I’m... yeah. It would be nice to believe this is real, and I’m hopeful, but give me more than five minutes to get used to this, please?”

“I understand that, Peter, and I can appreciate history—just remember that we’re meant to learn from it, not get stuck in it.”

Peter appreciated the advice for what it was—really, but he and Ned had an ongoing tic-tac-toe tournament Peter decided he’d rather they focus on that. One thousand, six hundred, twenty-nine consecutive draws after ONE brain fart on Peter’s part...? Yeah, he was working toward redemption.

At ten minutes past twelve, Flash came back into the cafeteria, looking desolate. He meandered between the tables and stopped in front of theirs. He didn’t ask, just sat down and stared into nothing.

They were all curious, but Peter was the one to ask, “Flash? Is everything alright?”

Flash blinked and looked up at him, almost seemed surprised to see him. “Oh, uh, my mom needed to drop off a new house key. She won’t be home after school and she had the locks changed this morning.”

“Oh, okay.” He awkwardly replied. “Um... here’s your lunch.” Peter slid the tray in front of the dazed teenager. “I promise you, it’s spit free and everything.”

“Thanks.” Flash stared at the tray and quieted.

The three of them exchanged looks of concern, and though no words were spoken, they all came to an agreement.

“Hey, Flash,” Peter piped up, “Um, if you’re mom is gonna be gone after school, did you want to come over to my place? We’re, uh, going to be putting together a 3000 piece puzzle of the Milky Way and I’m going to lose my mind if they make me sort edges by myself. You’re welcome to join us if you want?”

Flash blinked back again.

“It’s even nerdier than it sounds, but we’re all about embracing our inner geek at this table.” Peter added.

Ned held up the infinite tic-tac-toe game as further proof. “True story, Flash.”

Flash looked over at MJ who just shrugged. “I’m not a nerd. I’m just smarter than them... which is why I make them sort.”

Peter could see that Flash was considering, so he tossed in one last incentive. “If you come, I won’t make you eat my Aunt’s walnut loaf.”

Flash smiled then, and it was almost sincere. “That sounds like fun. I’ll meet you guys out front after school?”

They all agreed, and Flash took a bite of his lunch.

* *Four months ago* *

Peter had been gone for a couple of days for an ‘internship retreat’ and it was time to crack down and get back to work. Spanish waited for no one.

“I can’t believe you actually have an internship with Tony Stark, Peter.” Flash teased him relentless as he made flashcards.

“And none of us can believe it took you so long to believe it, Flash.” MJ droned out over the edge of her textbook. “Seriously, he gets picked up in a new luxury car every week.”

Flash blushed over it again. “C’mon, you have to cut me a little slack, I mean really? What are the odds that something like that would happen to—“ The group braced, still cautious but hopeful... “anyone, let alone a junior in high school?! I was talking to my dad about it last night and he says with luck like that, you should be playing the horses.”

Peter chuckled and shook his head, “I’m not one to look at odds, Flash. My luck is only about fifty-fifty at the best of times.”

“And our odds of passing this exam will be less than that if we don’t stop yammering and get to work! Let’s go, losers!” Ever the taskmaster, MJ started barking out verbs to conjugate—and everyone got back to work.

* *Three and a half months ago* *

“Hey guys, guess what!?” Peter rushed up to them all congregated at Ned’s locker. “Mr. Stark got tickets to the premier of that new Oscar Isaac movie next week! He’d need to hang out with all of the mucky-mucks, but he can get extra tickets for us, if we’re okay with sitting with the rest of the peons—his words, not mine—if you want. I just have to let him know how many we need and then we can go with him in the limo!”

Ned freaked! “One for me, please! I’m content breathing in the same space as Poe Dameron even if the movie is supposed to suck, thank you very much!”

MJ had, of course, read the book that the movie was based on. “I’d be interested to see how a female director could have done a better job. Sure, I’m in.”

Flash was quiet.

“Flash? Are you in?”

Not looking quite comfortable with himself, Flash asked, “Are you sure he meant me, too?”

“Yeah, Flash. He means you, too. Did you think I’d be offering this to only some of my friends?”

Flash released a slow breath. “If you’re sure, then I’d love to come. Thanks.”

* *Three months ago* *

“Where’s Flash?” Ned asked as he sat down at their table at lunch. “He wasn’t in Comp Sci and Mrs. Berman asked me if I knew where he was.”

Peter and MJ pulled their phones out, checking to see if there were any unread texts or emails they’d missed.

They had nothing.

Peter took a second to peck something out.

11:45am

PBWanKenobi: Hey, man! R U ok?

Flash was normally like a beast with replying back to texts. MJ said he had a serious case of FOMO and Flash hadn’t disagreed. None of them understood how he had yet to be caught or have his phone confiscated.  

And none of them had heard from him by the end of lunch.

12:24pm

PBWanKenobi: Hey, let one us know you’re alive?

Peter had just fallen asleep after a rough evening of Spider-manning when his phone pinged.

11:58pm

TheFlash: The message you have sent is undeliverable.

11: 59pm

TheFlash: The message you have sent is undeliverable.

* *Two months and three weeks ago* *

“Flash!” Peter practically bulldozed him over in his relief at seeing his friend safe and sound. “Are you okay? What the hell happened to you? We were so worried?!”

MJ and Ned had stayed back, Peter doing enough freaking out for the lot of them.

Flash flushed with embarrassment. “Um, can we maybe talk about it later? It’s, uh...” Flash looked around the busy hallway and Peter figured it out pretty quick.

“Oh! Yeah, of course. Sorry about that.” Peter stepped back, hands thrust into his pockets and trying to be calm, cool, and collected.

No one bought it, and before long they were all laughing at Peter’s dorkiness.

“C’mon, losers, we’ve got Chemistry in five minutes.”

* *Two months ago* *

Peter tried really hard to not make a big deal of it, but Flash was going through some big shit. His mom had kidnapped him! Wait, it was a ‘custodial disagreement’ and Flash had disappeared. His mom had driven him over state lines without his Dad’s express permission and had destroyed his phone so they couldn’t be tracked.

They’d been found anyways.  

It was insane.

Flash’s mom was out on bail but not allowed to see him and Flash’s dad had taken back the house she’d been living in.

And Flash wasn’t doing too great.

He’d started spending time with his old buddies again, which was cool! Totally okay, but they were still jerks and Flash was hurting.

Flash promised it was only because of his Dad. Apparently these buddies were the kids of some of Harrison Thompson’s wealthiest clients and Flash was supposed to be in on the schmooze.

Anything to make a buck, is what Harrison Thompson said.

Anything to get a leg up, is what Harrison Thompson said.

Suck it up, Eugene, you’re not here to make friends. You’re here to make connections. It’s about whose holding all the cards. It’s about the win-win-win, is what Harrison Thompson said.

Peter didn’t like Harrison Thompson very much, and he’d never even laid eyes on him.

* *One month and one week ago* *

Peter had talked to Mr. Stark about the situation with Flash during their lab time. He didn’t quite know how to process everything and with May working her second shift rotation at the hospital, he was stuck for advice on how to deal with it all.

“Maybe the kid needs a break?” Mr. Stark suggested. “Why don’t you guys all come out to the lake house for the day, take a breather from everything. The weather is certainly nice enough for it. I’ll grab Pepper and we can jump in the SUV. You can all bring your swimsuits and we can make a day out of it. I’ll barbeque. Pepper will yell at me for burning things! It’ll be a gas.”

Peter rolled his eyes at his mentor. “Are you sure? I mean, it sounds great, but are you sure-sure-sure about it? I know the lake house is kind of your thing...” Peter didn’t want to intrude.

Tony walked over to Peter’s station and looked him in the eye. “Kid, if you say this kid is good people, then I’m going to trust you. And if you say this kid needs a hand and this is what I can do? Then I can do it.”

Peter thought about the last weeks and how withdrawn Flash had been. He knew he wasn���t hearing a quarter of what was going on at Flash’s house and he knew that Flash’s dad cast a wide shadow. Maybe a trip out of the city would be what Flash needed to open up?

He’d decided. “If you’re positive, Mr. Stark, I’ll take you up on that offer. I think it’ll be exactly what he needs.”

* *Three weeks ago* *

It really was exactly what Flash needed.

They’d spent the day in the water. Tony had installed a tire swing last spring and a slide at the edge of the dock during the summer. It was glorious. MJ had goofed off for a bit, but when Pepper came out to sit on the dock, she’d left the water to be all ‘mature.’ Whatever. Peter, Ned, and Flash made farting noises with their hands in the water. If Tony had joined them in the water (making farting noises, too!), no one would tell—but there were pictures.

They grilled burgers and hot dogs and ate until too full.

It was the perfect day.

* *One week and three days ago* *

5:32am

TheFlash2.0: Peter. 911 Call me.

5:33am

TheFlash2.0: Peter. Wake up.

5:33am

TheFlash2.0: Peter. Please wake up!!!!!

5:36am

TheFlash2.0: On my life, Peter! It wasn’t me! I swear it!

5:45am

TheFlash2.0: Please! I’m phoning.and you’re not answering! It your phone on silent?

5:45am

TheFlash2.0: *is dammit!

5:50am

TheFlash2.0: Peter. I don’t know what to do..

Neither Flash nor Peter were at school that day.

The reporters outside of his Queens apartment made it impossible for Peter to leave.

The beating he’d received from his father after the argument had made it impossible for Flash to leave.

* *One week and one day ago* *

10:23am

TheFlash2.0: Please thank Mr. Stark for filing a police report. Not sure if you care, but I’m with my grandma and I’m safe.

10:23am

PBWanKenobi: I care.

10:25am

PBWanKenobi: I’m glad you’re safe.

* *One week ago* *

The press conference had gone as well as could be expected. After the photo had been released, things had been... chaotic.

Pepper had already been prepared for someone to make the assumption that Peter was Tony’s kid—but when Harrison Thompson had implied that Peter was Tony’s...

Peter felt nauseous even thinking about it.

MJ had been horrified by all of it. When she and Pepper had decided to visit on the dock, they’d been relegated to phone babysitters. MJ wouldn’t stand for just sitting and watching. She’d grabbed everyone’s phones and snapped like every moment was a precious memory. Ned had a picture of Mr. Stark dunking Flash under the water—and then another of Flash coming up and spouting a mouthful back at him. Peter had him, Ned and Flash doing cannonballs off the dock. They each had a couple of selfies of MJ and Pepper hamming it up all on their own...

Flash had a couple of photos of Mr. Stark and Peter—Peter had been standing... just standing and talking to Flash in the distance. You could see him in the picture. Mr. Stark had, for the first time EVER, managed to sneak up on the kid. Flash had played along as the distraction. He could have dunked Peter, zinged him, splashed... anything. But no, Mr. Stark, in a moment of affection gave Peter a hug from behind. It was sweet and tender—and photoshopped.

Harrison Thompson had ruined it.

He had taken something so wholesome—he had taken a piece of his own son’s joy and twisted it—had tried to ruin lives.

The man was a monster and with that one press conference, Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries had destroyed him and his reputation spectacularly. She revealed every lie, every fraud, every deception—all of the evil he had ever done. He would never work in the state of New York again. And he would never have custody of his son again. And if, by the end of it, he was never free again, no one would complain.

It gave Peter some satisfaction, but it wasn’t enough.

How was Flash supposed to move on from this? How did Peter?

* *Three days ago* *

The hope that the interest by the press would die down after the press conference had been a pipe dream.

Mr. Stark had finally convinced Aunt May to relocate to the tower for everyone’s safety and sanity.

Honestly, Peter was sure May agreed to the move simply because it would get him out of bed.

The joke was on her, though.

They’d grabbed a couple of duffle bags and Peter’s backpack for school and headed over. Tony and Pepper had prepared a guest room for Aunt May, and of course Peter already had his own space. And that is exactly where he headed when Aunt May went to drop her bags in her room.

... and Peter figured if he never left, it would be too soon.

* *Present Day* *

“Peter, come on, sweetheart. You can’t stay in bed forever. You’ll start growing mushrooms in your armpits if you don’t shower.”

“No, I won’t.” Peter mumbled into his pillow.

“Okay, well if you won’t get out of bed for me, will you get out of bed for someone else?” May pushed.”

“Tell Ned I’ll call‘im tomorrow.”

“It’s not Ned.”

“Tell MJ I’ll call‘er tomorrow.”

“It’s not MJ, sweetie.”

Peter grabbed an extra pillow and shoved it over his head. “Then tell whoever I’ll call them tomorrow!”

A familiar voice came from the doorway. “My grandma hasn’t gotten me a new cell phone yet, so you can’t call me tomorrow.”

Peter popped up from his hidey-hole, not even embarrassed by his state of grossness. “Flash?”

“Hey, Parker.” Flash greeted, shyly.

“Are you okay?” Peter noticed the fading bruise under his left eye. “I know your dad is in a bunch of trouble, but tell me he’s goin’ down for child abuse, too, please?”

Flash looked uncomfortable for Peter’s eagerness. “Um, yeah, he’s been charged so that’s a thing.”

“Cool, I’m glad to hear that.”

“And I’m going to be living with my grandma for a bit—just while everything is straightened out with my mom and the house and everything.”

Peter had remembered that from the text. “That’s good.”

“So, um, I’m wondering if I could get your phone number for when I, uh, get my new phone. I can’t really transfer stuff ‘cause my phone is in an evidence locker somewhere.”

It all felt so surreal. How could this be so easy for him?

“Um, Peter? It’s cool if you don’t want to--”

“Shit! No! Sorry—zoned out there for a second. Of course you can have my number! Just—“ Peter jumped out of his bed and rushed past Flash to his desk to grab a pen and paper.

“Geez, Parker, your aunt wasn’t joking about the mushrooms!” he teased as Peter scribbled his number down on an old math worksheet.

“Funny, Flash. Ha-ha.” He thrust the piece of paper into Flash’s hand. “There, but if you’re going to be a jerk, you can call Ned instead. I still haven’t beaten him at tic-tac-toe so he kind of deserves it.”

“Cute.”

“I thought so.”

Neither said anything for a bit. Peter had too many things he wanted to ask, and it seemed that Flash had secrets he’d wanted to keep.

“Can I tell you something?” Flash blurted out.

“Of course you can.” Peter answered. “You can tell me anything.”

“That’s good, ‘cause I really want to tell you how this all started.”

Peter assumed he was going to talk about the photos and the ‘anonymous’ press release revealing sordid fabrications, but no.

Flash started telling a story that was disjointed and already in progress, and that was okay. He’d probably told it in his head a million times, but out loud? This was most likely the first time...

Flash needed to be heard and Peter would listen.

“It had been a really bad night—for my parents, I mean. He hadn’t hit her, but he’d been so mean to her, and I could hear her cry... and it wasn’t even the first time, you know? It just sounded, I don’t know, sadder that night.

“I stayed in my room, ‘cause that’s what we do, but then my mom came in. I pretended to be asleep. I just couldn’t deal with it. I mean, it always feels like too much but that night...” Flash trailed off for a minute.

Peter let him take his time.

Flash sniffed and rubbed at his nose. “Anyways, she sat on my bed and whispered that she loved me... and then she said... she—she was so afraid I’d grow up to be like him, Peter, and...” He inhaled and then exhaled. “And I just couldn’t.

“I couldn’t be someone that my mom couldn’t love... and so I made a decision to change. I had to! And I knew that it had to start with you. I knew if I could redeem myself with you, then I had hope.”

“Wow, that’s terrifying deep, Flash.”

Flash ran his hand through his hair. “It is, and I’m glad to know you’re as freaked out by it as I am.”

Peter chuckled, “Aww, Flash. I knew we had something special...”

Flash gave him a playful shove. “Don’t be an ass. We’re having a moment here.”

And Peter nodded. “We are.”

“After all of this, a part of me wants to say that I wish I had never given you a chance to forgive me... that I was meant to play the villain forever, but I’d be lying. So...” Flash offered his hand. “Peter Parker, I’m not sure when I’m going to be back in town, but thank you. Thank you for forgiving me... even if you never said it. You showed it. And thank you for being an example of a decent human being. I didn’t have that so...” Flash rubbed his nose again.

Peter teared up, and took Flash’s offered hand. “Thank you, Flash Thompson, for trusting me, even if I didn’t understand why you needed it. You’re a good person, and I’m glad you’re my friend.”

The two stood there, hands clasped. Peter chuckled low, “Look at us, being all emotionally mature and not an MJ in sight. She’ll never believe it.”

Flash joined him. “You’re so right. Too bad we couldn’t take a picture”

Peter processed what Flash had said and groaned. “Too soon, man. Too soon.” With another chuckle and some playful shoves, they parted.

“I’m sorry to interrupt this bro moment, but Flash, you’re grandmother says it’s time to go.” May called from the door.

“Okay, May, we’re coming.” Peter said. “Just give us a minute, ‘kay?”

“Alright, don’t be too long though. She’s worried about traffic.” She replied and then left them again.

“I still haven’t apologized for my dad, Peter. I’m so sorry for everything—“ Flash rushed out.

“Nope.” Peter interrupted him. “No apologizing for him. You are not responsible for the decisions other people make. And besides, you can’t choose your blood, but you can still choose your family, right?”

Flash thought about it for a second before agreeing. “Right.”

Peter looked at the door, then back at Flash. “So I guess this is it for now—you’ll call as soon as you get your new number, right?”

“I will.”

“And you won’t join any AcaDec teams so we don’t have to crush your dreams in any future competitions, right?”

Flash smiled and shook his head ‘no.’

Then Peter nodded in satisfaction. “Then you’ll be fine.”

Flash smiled wider then. “Yes, I will be.”

... and eventually, he was.

 @febuwhump

#febuwhump #febuwhump 2021 #fanfiction #irondad and spiderson

[tinydemondragon]

Beginning : Previous

I have no self control. Here you go!

~~~

“Ah, hello good sir! You’re my competitor?” Vigil nodded. “Ah, I don’t believe I’ve seen you here before, what’s your name?

“Virgil,” he mumbled, shifting from place to place. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him and it was making him uncomfortable. He just wanted to get to the match already.

For a second, the guy looked shocked. He straightened his spine, eyes going wide, and his mouth opened slightly. But the look was gone almost as soon as it came.

“Well then, Virgil, come on up here and we shall get started!” Geez, he was gonna ask for Virgil’s name and not give his own? What, did he just assume everyone knew him?

The guy put his mask on as Virgil stepped up on the platform, trying to ignore the crowd. It made his skin crawl, knowing all these people were looking at him. He felt himself hunch his shoulders in and had to fight the urge to tell everyone to stop looking at him. They were supposed to watch this, to learn or whatever.

Logan stepped up beside them, where the directeur would usually stand.

“Let’s get this DE bout started shall we?” He asked. Patton had been behind Logan, watching but not interfering. Now, however, he stepped up beside Logan.

“DE bout…?” he trailed off, sounding confused.

“Yes, a DE bout. It’s the term for a match. It will consist of three periods, each around three minutes long. There will be a minute break between each period. At the end of the bout, the person with the highest score will win, however, should either of them reach 15 points, they will automatically be declared winner.” Pausing to push his glasses up, he turned to Patton. “Was that explanation sufficient?”

“Yeah!” Patton answered, beaming. “Gosh Lo, thanks!”

“It’s nothing.” He cleared his throat, turning towards Virgil and the guy across from him. Oh yeah, Virgil was so teasing Patton about this later. Though this wasn’t an official match, Virgil still saluted both his opponent and Logan. Old habits die hard and all that.

“En garde!” Virgil’s body snapped to his stance on it’s own. Ah. Nice to see the instincts were coming back.

“Pret.” The world started to fade away, leaving just him, his opponent, and his foil.

“Allez!” And immediately, Virgil had to parry as the guy lunged towards him. He was even faster up close. Virgil nearly didn’t get his foil up in time.

And that set the pace for the rest of the bout. Lunge, parry, attack, dodge, it took everything he had in that first period to keep up.

But, he could feel himself adjusting, improving, keeping up. By the end of the first period, they were sitting at 5-3, in his competitor’s favor. Not impossible odds.

He was in. Completely. All anxiety was gone, buried underneath euphoria and planning. His mind was racing, wondering how he could compensate for his lack of speed. He was slightly taller, so his reach was further. If he could keep himself at a distance, he could curb that dangerous speed.

Logan’s voice interrupted his thoughts. Had it already been a minute? With a slight shake of his head, he went back to his starting spot, ready to get back into it.

Parry, parry, attack, lunge, dodge, it comes to a halt as Virgil scores another point. 5-4. Dodge, lunge, parry, disengage, attack. It stops again, they’re tied. Lunge, parry, dodge, dodge, lunge, parry, parry, dammit. 6-5. He can bring this back.

Back and forth, over and over, another halt. Tied at 7-7. One more round. He’s adjusted to this guy’s speed, but it isn’t easy to overcome it.

He takes a deep breath in. He can do this. The guy’s good, but not perfect. There are windows that to attack, to parry.

“Not that those windows are easy to predict.” Virgil grumbled. There fact that he was out of practice wasn’t helping either. In fact, Virgil suspects he’s being underestimated.

Which annoys him. What’s the point if your opponent doesn’t take you seriously?

Still, it just means that he has to show this guy why he shouldn’t underestimate Virgil. That doing that is a mistake. That Virgil may be out of practice, but that doesn’t mean that they can take it easy with him.

Last period. He can do this.

A lunge, right to the center of his chest. He parries, but it turns into a disengage. He’s just able to dodge, jumping back at the last second. Has this guy gotten faster?

He lunges forward, just barely missing the touch. A parry-riposte. Damn. 8-7. Okay, just gotta take it back. No big deal, he’s got this.

The other man lunges again, must be realizing that he can’t afford to be lax, finally. This means it’ll get harder, but there’s no fun in a victory unearned. Then there will be the worry that he was being pitied or something.

Parry-riposte, parry-riposte, over and over fighting over this one point. But Virgil gets it in the end. 8-8.

From there, it’s all instinct. Virgil doesn’t process what he’s doing, doesn’t think about it, he just moves. It’s all he has time for.

“Arret!” Wait, did someone score? He hadn’t felt anything, though!

But no. The bout had ended. They were still tied, however.

“Sudden death overtime,” Virgil muttered.

“What do you mean?” Patton asked, scrunching his nose up. Adorable.

“Sudden death,” Logan answered, “means that the next person who scores a point will be declared the winner.” Geez, did Patton realize how smitten he looked, staring at Logan right now? There were literal hearts in his eyes.

The guy across from him snorted. Virgil glared at him, though it wasn’t visible from underneath his mask. Still, he better not have anything bad to say about Patton, that was asking for it.

“En garde. Pret. Allez.” 

Back and forth, parry, lunge, back and forth. Virgil felt sweat drip down his back, arms screaming. The rush was starting to fade. Hiis muscles were reminding him of the fact that he hadn’t done the whole “physical activity” thing in years.

Still. He was nothing if not spiteful.

And his perseverance paid off. In a blink of an eye, Virgil fainted, drawing the guy into a parry that hit nothing, and lunged forward, hitting his chest. With a smirk, Virgil withdrew.

Taking off his mask, he cocked out a hip. He was exhausted, but the thrill of beating this guy was glorious.

“No way,” the man snarled, yanking his mask off. Virgil felt his smirk grow. If this was a real match, he would’ve gotten a black card. The ego on this guy was ridiculous

“What’s the matter, dude? You seem pretty worked up over a match you basically threw.”

“I did not throw the match! I never throw matches!”

“Oh, so you admit, then, that I’m better? Then I don’t see the problem here.”

“Why you- you-” Oh it was almost cute how upset this guy was getting. Virgil straightened his spine, happy about his height for once. The few inches he had on the guy really helped.

“Roman!” Logan interrupted. “You need to,” for a second he fumbled, “chill out.” Was that a-. Was that a flashcard?

Wait a second.

Roman.

No. No way.

Virgil stepped a little closer to the guy, almost unconsciously.

The nose, the eyes, the voice. No wonder he seemed so familiar. He did know this guy, from camp!

But, the Roman of back then wasn’t such a jerk. He never underestimated his opponents, and he didn’t have such a big ego.

No way, this wasn’t the Roman he knew. Whoever this clown was, he wasn’t his friend.

Still, a small part of him hurt. He didn’t have very many friends, and he treasured the few he did have. And this one? Had been one of the few reasons he missed his old town, if only because it meant going to camp and seeing him.

But this wasn’t him. And a small part of him, the one that dreamed of meeting him again and rekindling his friendship, broke.

~~~

You didn’t think it was gonna be that easy did you?

I SURE AS HECK DID AND THEN IT WASN’T

Ahem. Anyway.

Tag list! @coconut-cluster, @madsk3tch, @thgjclw, @lydixa-petal, @thatcacidork, @its-the-cat-queen, @athenashipsthings, @queen-of-deciet, @nafsbluebery, @littleladynightshade, @fiive-second-cookies, @a-killjoy-refrigerator 

I think that’s everyone... if I missed you let me know!

Next

#sander sides #prinxiety #logicality #eventually! #i promise! #ts logan #ts virgil #ts roman #ts patton #ts sides #dragon writing #fencing au

[dumortain-adam]

Stella | Ethan Ramsey x MC (one shot)

Check out my other stories here - MASTERLIST

A/N: This fic is inspired by an interpretation I read about the song Almost (Sweet Music) where in it’s about a father/daughter relationship where in the daughter reminds the father of her late mother. 

I made a post before asking what would Ethan call his daughter. Shout-out to @bi-cookie who suggested that Ethan would call his kid ‘peanut’, which is really cute.  

And, sorry if there are any grammatical error. English is not my first language.

Warnings: Mentions of character death

Taglist: @lilyofchoices @honeyandsunfl0wers @kate-mckenzie @assassinoftheworld @choicesyouplayandmore @jooous [If you want to be added or removed from the taglist, just let me know :))) ]

Song: Almost (Sweet Music) - Hozier  youtube link, spotify link. I also used the song Stella By Starlight - Ella Fitzergald as part of the story.

It was a hot summer day in Boston. Ethan walked into their house with his nearly six-year-old daughter, Stella, in his arms, fast asleep. She must be tired from their trip. It was his day off, and his daughter wanted to roam around the town.

They moved from his high-rise apartment when they knew that Casey was pregnant with Stella. Oh, what a news it was. At first, he was horrified. He was afraid that he would not be good enough for his child. He was afraid that he would end up just like his father, but she assured him that they would go through it together.

And now, Stella is turning six next week.

If only Casey could see her now. If she could only see how much their daughter has grown since. 

  “I’m so sorry Ethan” Naveen said, offering his condolences to his protege.

 “I don’t know Naveen. Of all the people, why does it need to be her?” Ethan asked. She was just going out to meet her friend, and a few minutes later, he got a call that his wife was hit by a car. Now, Stella was left without a mother.

He looked at his two-year-old daughter, unaware of what was happening around her. “What about Stella? What am I supposed to do now that... that Casey’s gone?” He tried his best to sound strong, but hell, he can’t. He can’t be strong when his wife just died and now his daughter is left without a mother. What was he supposed to do? Where would he start? What if…

  “You have to be strong for her. You have to be there for her.” Naveen broke his train of thought.

 “Easier said than done, Naveen” 

 “But what isn’t?” he patted Ethan on his shoulder, before leaving him to have other people offer their condolences at Casey’s funeral.

But he didn’t want their sympathy and condolences. What he wants is to wake up from the nightmare he’s in. But unfortunately, this was reality, and in this reality, his wife is gone.

 It wasn’t easy to raise his daughter alone. Not when she easily reminds him of his late wife. With how both Stella and Casey smile brightly, with how they both laugh wholeheartedly. With Casey’s blonde locks and green eyes which Stella inherited. It was a painful reminder of what happened four years ago. Casey told him that they would do everything together, raise their daughter together, but she was gone. He did not know where to start, or what to do. He was afraid to ruin everything for Stella.

Ethan settled his sleeping daughter down at her bed, watching how peaceful she looks. She looks just like her mother. He smiled sadly at her, as he remembers his late wife.

“Daddy, are you okay?” Stella asked him, as she woke up, sensing her father’s sadness.

Ethan tried to be strong in front of his daughter, but a stubborn drop of tear fell down his cheek. Stella wiped his tear away from his cheek, her small hands on his face.

“Don’t be sad, daddy” she said as she got up and engulfed her father in a hug, with her tiny arms around him to comfort her father.

Ethan let out a small chuckle. “Daddy’s not sad. I’m just thinking about mommy.”

“What about her?” she asked, pulling away from the hug.

“How she looks just like you.”

“But mommy is beautiful. Does that mean I’m beautiful too?”

“Of course. You are the most beautiful girl in the world”

“Really?” she asked, her face lighting up in delight.

“Yeah. Just like mommy”

“I miss mommy” Stella blurted out.

He too, misses Casey so much. There isn’t a single day where he didn’t wish that they were raising Stella together. That they’d be doing it all side by side. Though he was getting better as time pass by, there are still times where it all comes back. He smiled sadly at his daughter.

“Me too, peanut. Me too”

Stella let out a yawn.

“Sleepy?” Ethan asked.

“Yeah. Can you sing to sleep?”

“What song?”

“The one with my name in it. The one you told me mommy used to sing”

Ethan smiled softly at his daughter before he started to sing.

The song a robin sings 

Through years of endless springs 

The murmur of a brook at eventide 

That ripples by a nook where two lovers hide

A great symphonic theme 

That's Stella by starlight and not a dream 

She's all of this and more 

She's everything that you’d adore

Have you seen Stella by starlight with moon in her ave

That's Stella by starlight raptures so rare

She's is all of this and more

She's everything that you would adore 

He remembered, when he first heard Casey sing, he was absolutely captivated by her voice. Like the world around him stopped moving. As if nothing exists but her. He loved jazz music, as much as how much he loved classical pieces, and he was left surprised when Casey sung that song to him once.

And now, Stella seems to like jazz music as well. Oh, how she’s almost like her mother.

“Goodnight, daddy. I love you”

“I love you too, peanut. Goodnight” he kissed her forehead then he turned off her lamp.

----

[Next day]

He walked inside the hospital holding Stella’s hand on his. Other doctors greeted him, and to their surprise, Ethan greeted them back with a smile on his face. Stella, on the other hand, looked around the hospital in awe.

Her nanny cancelled last minute, so he had no choice but to bring Stella to work. They continued walking down the hospital halls until they reached his office. He settled down her bag that down on the chair.

“Hey little peanut” he crouched down to level his height with Stella’s.

“Yeah?”

“Promise me you’ll be quiet while daddy is working. Do you promise?”

“I promise”

“Good. Now, daddy is going to work. You could play with your toys.” he said, kissing Stella’s forehead.

He then started to work, continuing his new research. Stella on the other hand, played with her math flashcards quietly as she promised her dad. Ethan glanced at his daughter, smiling at her enthusiasm to learn advanced math for her age.

An hour later, the door to his office opened.

“I didn’t know it was ‘take your child to work day’ today” Naveen said, as he closed the door.

“Grandpa Naveen!” Stella ran towards Naveen and caught him in a hug.

“Hello to you too, kiddo” he greeted the child back.

Ethan sighed. “Her nanny cancelled last minute, so I had to bring her here”

“And are you being a good girl, Stella?”

“Yeah!” She replied enthusiastically.

“Anyway...” Naveen said, but before he even finishes what he was about to say, a knock from the door interrupted him.

“Doctor Ramsey?” A shy voice from the other side of the door was heard.

“Come in” Ethan said

The intern entered the room, fear visible on her face.

“I-I just wanted to give an update about my patient in room 402.”

“Go on”

“Uh, the patient had an anaphylactic shock, and currently unconscious. I think she’s allergic to the medications I gave her”

“You think?”

“Uh, I-I know, doctor”

Ethan took a deep breath. No matter how strong the urge was, and no matter how much the intern deserves to be berated, he can’t bring himself to yell at the intern with his daughter watching. He closed his eyes, forcing himself to calm down.

“Sometimes, the patient doesn’t know about their allergies...”

“But how am I supposed to know if they don’t tell me?” the intern cut him off.

Ethan took another deep breath. No, he’s not going to scold an intern in front of his daughter, he told himself.

“That is why we need to be careful in giving them medication. Update me if there is a development on your patient’s condition”

“Y-yes, Doctor.”

The young intern walked out of his office with fear and confusion – due to Ethan’s sudden change in behavior, making him sound a lot kinder than he actually is, etched on her face.

Ethan let out an audible sigh, rubbing his eyebrows.

“Are you okay, daddy?” Stella asked, as she came towards her father

“I’m fine, peanut. Just a little stressed.”

“Don’t be stressed. You’ll look old” Stella elicited a laugh from her father with her words. She massaged his frown lines, easing the tension away from his face.

He remembered how Casey used to ease the tension away from him. How she used to kiss his forehead whenever he was stressing himself over work that he brought home. How she used to do that with little Stella on her arms, sleeping. He remembered how she also used to joke about that he’ll look older if he stresses himself out.

“All better now?” asked Stella

“Yep. A whole lot better now.” Ethan kissed her forehead. “Thank you, peanut”

“You’re welcome, daddy” she said, then returned to play with her toys.

“Look at you. For someone who scares the heck out of interns and residents, you are surprisingly really soft towards your daughter” Naveen said to his protégé.

“Of course. She’s my kid. She’s different.”

“But you know, I’m happy to see you happy.”

“How can I not be? Stella’s like a ball of sunshine”

No matter how hard Casey’s death was for him, he had to be strong for his daughter. She’s all that matters to him right now. And in return, Stella made his life brighter. She made her father happy and proud.

“Anyway” Naveen continued what he was about to say earlier before the intern interrupted. “This is an invitation from the organizers of the medical conference in Canada in October. They want you to be a guest speaker” Naveen hands him the invitation.

“Thank you.”

---

[Later]

It has been a long time since they last visited Casey’s grave. After his shift, they headed out to the cemetery. They stopped over to buy flowers and they continued their drive. Their drive from the hospital was short and filled with conversation and laughter.

As they reached her grave, he put the flowers down on the ground.

“Hi love” Ethan let out a sigh before he continues. He knows it’s pointless to talk to her grave, knowing he she won’t hear it, but maybe, if heaven was even real, maybe she’ll hear him. He knows it’s absurd, but he also wanted to let it all out. “Sorry if we only get to visit you now. You know how busy the hospital is. But don’t worry. Everything’s fine. Great, actually. Stella’s been doing really well in school. In fact, her teacher told me that she might get accelerated. Guess she inherited her intelligence from you. You know, she’s really starting to be like you. There is absolutely no doubt that she’s your daughter.” Ethan let out a small smile, as he looked at Stella briefly. “I wish you’re still here, so we could raise her together and you could see her grow. She’s grown so much since... since you were gone.”

He shifted his attention to Stella. “Do you want to talk to mommy?” Ethan asked.

“Yeah” She answered. “Hi mommy. I miss you.” Stella shyly says to her mother’s grave.

“Yeah. We miss you. We miss you so much, love.”

---

The sun was beginning to set, giving the sky a tint of orange. The drive back to their home was quieter than their drive to the cemetery. That is, until Stella to break the silence.

“Daddy, can I ask you something?”

“Hm? Ask away”

“Do you still love mommy?”

“Of course, peanut. I will never stop loving mommy” Ethan answered in a heartbeat.

“Even if she’s in heaven now?”

Ethan smiled softly at her before answering.

“Even if she’s in heaven now”

 [end]

#ethan ramsey #dr ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #dr ethan ramsey x mc #playchoices #open heart #choices open heart

[carry-a-world]

Time Management

Here are a few things that helped me out massively. I catered this more toward high school/college, but you can use the basics of this for anything you might need to do day to day. (Sorry it’s lengthy eek I got going)

Keep a planner! Color code the heck out of that thing if it makes you happy, and it helps give you a better idea of what you need to do. It’s nice to be able to see your schedule in week and month sized chunks. If planners aren’t for you, you can use the calendar on your phone. I don’t know if androids have it, but the reminders app has saved me far too many times as well.

If you get a syllabus or schedule for a class, pen those assignments into your planner or on your calendar asap. This will let you know which weeks are gonna kick your ass and what you should be prepared for. It keeps you from having those panic moments of “surprise, that paper is actually due this week!”

Routines! I find it so much easier to do things I don’t like if I’m in the habit of doing them. This goes for both class and regular things like laundry. It’s a little hard to get a routine started, but once you get going it’s a lifesaver. I’ve found it also helps me when I’m panicking about how much has to be done to have something to fall back on. Most classes follow a M/W/F or a T/Th schedule so you can break homework up accordingly. Also please, I beg you, do at least a little homework on the weekend (this doesn’t mean leave everything for Sunday night). It’ll save you so much suffering during the week, and it won’t take up your whole day.

Identify what your distractions are. Is the tumblr app the ultimate distraction? Does working in a certain environment hinder you? There are lots of ways to make your life easier. Maybe temporarily delete an app, or move it off the main screen. Relocate to somewhere you find it easier to study (this could be the library, or I preferred to work in empty classrooms because I find it hard to concentrate if I’m not alone). You can even set timers and work for ~30 minutes or so and then take a 5-10 min social media break before starting again.

I know everyone says this, and I know it takes so much discipline to do, but start assignments as soon as you can. Is it a paper? Do an outline within a day or two. Add thoughts as they come to you and when you go to start it for real you have a nice little base built. Have an exam that requires a lot of memorization? Do between 10 and 30 minutes every day 2+ weeks out and you won’t feel the need to pull all nighters. Quizlet has an app for flashcards that’s super helpful if you don’t want to break your hand making them. Sometimes, if it’s a common class, there might already be a card set made!

Prioritize -- list out your assignments/tasks by due date/importance and do them accordingly. (I sometimes cheated on this and knocked out quick, painless assignments to get them out of the way and build momentum). It feels good to complete things, and if you’re struggling with beginning at all, do the easiest first.

Study smarter, not harder! Different classes require different methods of studying. It took me a long time to learn how to study for classes like organic chemistry or physics. Good study habits can save you So Much time. If you have trouble, talking with a professor/teacher/tutor can get you moving in the right direction. Don’t waste time studying in a way that isn’t working for you.

And writing time? I always gave myself an hour (or more, if I didn’t have much work) before bed to write, putz around on the internet, watch shows, etc. no matter what was going on. I’d squeeze writing time in at other points too if possible, but generally my daytime hours and bits between class were used to get school work done. If you’re the kind of person that loves to get up early, you could flip it and take that bit of time in the morning. Or maybe over a lunch hour. Yeah, some days you won’t get any writing time at all. It happens because of tests, life, etc., but it won’t be all the time. Writing, watching shows, binging fanfic are awesome rewards for completing your responsibilities.

And above all else, take care of yourself. Sleep at least 7hrs, have regular meals, and take time to just breathe. 

#Kris hush #Kris answers #someone asked me about how to manage time and write fic #so I figured I'd post it publicly as well since I wrote a wholeass novel #time management #how to do college and also write fanfic

[not-another-fangirl74]

Not enough (Joe Mazzello x reader)

Summary: Uni it’s been tough and you started to feel stressed about it and the future but luckily to have an understanding boyfriend (I’m still learning how to do summaries).

A/N: this is angst with a fluffy end.

Warnings: cursing, allusions of anxiety and depression not directly mentioned, if you are going through something similar please reach out some help (I’m always open to talk if you want).

It started slowly, nobody noticed, not even you. First you just skipped that dinner with your best friend you told her you were just tired cause it was true...well mostly, part of you felt very tired and at the same time wanted to sleep for like 10 hours but you didn’t do that and you couldn't get yourself to sleep so instead you stay in with your boyfriend Joe chatting till he fell asleep.

After that you didn’t go to your pottery classes, You loved to go to them every Wednesday but instead, you preferred stayed at home again, doing anything like reading, cooking, studying or whatever kept your mind busy and away from all the bad thoughts that been creeping on your head lately and not thinking at all. As the night went on it was more difficult, your mind kept working nonstop even if you closed your eyes harder-like that would be any help-you couldn't sleep so you just stayed there trying to not move a lot so you wouldn't wake up your boyfriend.

Weeks passed by and you went to Lou’s birthday party, he was a good friend from UNI it was from your group of close friends. So it was natural for you to go to the party and honestly that day you weren't feeling bad. You were having a good time until they started to talk about UNI it was at this moment when you started to feel overwhelmed and felt like your body and mind separated from itself, your body was there but again your mind was in another place, you felt your throat getting dry, your hands were shaking and your heart pounded faster. You weren't sure how long it has been since you zoned out but then when you were capable of brought yourself back to the conversation all of them were talking about their perfect lives and perfect grades what they planned to do after UNI. It seemed like all of them have it all figured out, on the other hand, you didn’t, you weren’t sure of where you were going to work, fuck you didn’t even know in what were you going to specialize yet…so you stayed there quiet and nodding your head from time to time so no one will notice the amount of shit going on your mind and how stressed you were.

Then you started to miss your classes You could not concentrate at all it was like your body was there, but you weren’t really there, your mind was off and overthinking everything you did and said.

Not long after you started to compare your grades to your friends, they all have succeeded in their exams and you barely made it... why it was so hard for you? You kept getting low grades and felt like you were failing. Even when you spend the night studying, why did they do so good? Why it seems so easy for them? Were you dumb? you felt like you didn’t know anything at all. It's not like you didn’t like what you were studying... heck you love it but at this moment you didn’t see yourself finishing so you wondered what will happen if you just quit.

Your bed was your safe place now and not attending classes was easier now that your boyfriend was in another country working on some movie or was he just doing interviews? Maybe he was visiting a friend, you couldn't… so now you were lying on your side facing the wall, tired to even move a finger, haven't ate or sleep either, you couldn’t remember when was the last time that you showered or what day it was, the sound of the phone startled you a little but you didn’t even attempt to reach it. Whoever it was got the message and after a while stopped calling.

Y/N? are you home?- Joe called, what was he doing here?- Y/N? Why is so dark here?- he asked entering the room, you couldn’t see him on your current position- hey sweetie- he kissed your cheek and you felt the bed deepen beside you- Hi Joe- you tried to sound fine but your voice failed- what's wrong babe?-he asked-. I.I.I don’t know- your said feeling some tears pooling at your eyes- can you turn around?-he pleaded- please?- you didn’t move- please look at me honey-you gave up and turn around- Hi beautiful-he smiled at you so warmly and with that action you started to cry- it’s okay babe I got you-he said embracing you, he didn’t ask anything and let you cry yourself out, you appreciated it, you weren’t good talking about feelings and stuff, very different from Joe now that you thought about it you both were so different he was extroverted, loud, funny and loving... but you? you were far from that, right now you weren't sure what he saw in you.

Neither you nor Joe move for a whole hour or so, he just held you and whispered calming words to you and finally you stopped sobbing- come on, lets get you a bath- he got up from the bed and extending his hand for you- Joe noo- you whined- I’m too tired to move- he took you in his arms-then I’ll take you there- he put you down on the bathroom counter and got the bath ready, the water started to fill the tub, he put some bubbles and when it was full and tempered he started to take off your clothes carefully, you felt exposed it’s not like you haven’t seen each other naked but this was different, you were vulnerable and incapable of doing anything. Then he helps you stand up and guide you to the bathtub-how is it?-he asked you- It’s perfect, thanks Joe-you replied- okay then I’ll make you something to eat-you were about to say you weren’t hungry but he spoke first-don’t say you aren’t hungry you’re going to eat something-he commanded- I bet you haven’t eaten in a while, now stay there and when I’m done I’ll help you wash yourself- he kissed your forehead and left, when he was gone you being to cry again, Joe was so good with you, so sweet and understanding what did you do to deserve him? You’ll never know but you were so grateful for him-I’m back- he interrupted your thoughts and got close to you, he knelt down beside the tub and wiped your tears away afterward he started to wash your hair ever so gently working his fingers on your scalp massaging, shampooing Joe was so cautious to not pull your hair after that he wash your body with a sponge when he finished he helped you out and took you back to the room and got you dressed Joe sits you down on the bed and untangled your hair with a brush and then proceeds to dry it with a hairdryer and when it’s done he tugged you in again and gave you a cup of tea and a peanut butter & jelly sandwich- now eat- he ordered and you ate half of the sandwich. He lay beside you looking at the ceiling – your friend texted me the other day told me you weren’t attending your classes anymore and asked me if we were traveling or something, so I called and texted you but you didn’t answer so I thought something had happened or worse that you were going to leave me- he tried to laugh at this but it didn’t happen so he played with his fingers- so I took a plane as soon as I could-he paused- can you please tell me what’s going on on your mind?- tears were falling down silently down your face- I..I’m just… I am just tired of everything….I'm sad and I feel like I’m stuck, my grades are getting low…and I can't help but feel like a failure. It’s not like I don’t like what I’m doing I just feel like I’m not enough at anything and I feel a huge knot on my throat and in my stomach and I feel alone even when I’m around of people that I know care about me but I just feel bad- you tried to explain- I just don't know if I’m good enough, I see all my friends doing well and I am not, and it sucks- he got closer to you and turn around to face you while you keep your eyes on the ceiling-Babe, why didn't you tell me you felt this way, you know I'm always here and you can talk to me-he said and you look at him- I didn't want to bother you with this and when I noticed it was bad it was too late and I was already drowning-you said- you can always talk to me I don't want you to think that you are bothering me- he took your hand in his- I think its normal to feel that from time to time but it doesn’t mean you are not enough or a failiure, I used to feel like that and started to doubt myself and questioned if I was good at my job but I couldn’t quit. So I talked to my mum about it and she told me to make a list of my strengths and weaknesses and write down the reasons why I love my work and it helped me a lot and gave me the motivation to keep going, we can do the same with you if you want. I’ll even help you prepared to your finals we’ll make flashcards, and I’ll quiz you till you know everything and you are going to kill on your tests so don’t give up, I know how much you love what you are studying, and if you keep feeling down we can get help, maybe therapy If you like, I’ll support whatever you want to do always but never push me away again, okay?-you were a sobbing mess but this was different it wasn't because you were feeling sad it was cause you felt so loved and supported by your boyfriend so you hug him and he hugged you back- thanks-you said and you put your head on his chest and played with your hands on his chest-God Joe, I love you so much- you look at him and he stares you back, he put your hair behind your ear and you kissed him- I love you too Babe- you didn't need to say anything else, you just held each other till you finally fell asleep, you didn't know what was going to happen but you did not feel alone anymore and that was enough.

#joe mazzello #joe mazzello imagine #joe mazzello x reader #joe mazzello x you #gwilym x reader #ben hardy x reader #rami malek #borhap imagine #bohemian rhapsody #borhap cast x reader #borhap x you #angst #queen #joe mazzello fanfic #fanfic #gwilym lee #ben hardy

[stuckwith-harry]

hey you, i only followed you recently and I really like your hinny fanfics and your poetry. Would you mind telling me about your process when you write? I really wanna learn how to write properly and you seem to take your craft so seriously. How do you built a story, how often do you edit, how much time do you spent on your work, what do you try to go for,...? Thanks xxx

Anon, this is the coolest ask I’ve EVER received, and I’m hanging it on my wall next to all the colour-coded flashcards with poems on them. This is going to be LONG, and by no means exhaustive - I’m gonna jump around and ramble a bit and if there’s anything specific you wanna hear more about, please ask! I fucking love talking about writing!

I’m gonna put most of this under a cut, but before we dive in: yes, I tAkE mY wRiTiNg sErIoUsLy in the sense that I’d like to publish some original bodies of work in my life and to have physical copies of them exist on a bookshelf that’s not my own. I don’t need it to pay the bills, but if you googled my full name I’d like for, like, a poetry collection to show up and not, I don’t know, the two poems I got published in a regional newspaper when I was eight.

(And please let the record show that they’re fine poems for a primary schooler. The cringe years came way after that, kids.)

So, even having some ambitions in the industry, the reality is that I’m a 19-year-old kid with a keyboard and a dodgy internet connection who discovered fanfiction when she was twelve and got hooked for life. We’re going to retire the idea of “writing properly” for now, because writing is supposed to be fun and I haven’t actually gotten accepted into that Creative Writing Bachelor’s degree I so desperately want to do. YET. Don’t let the fancy writing blog (@jessicagluch) fool you into thinking I know what the heck I’m doing. But, okay, with that out of the way, let’s get into what I’m personally doing right now, yeah?

Fanfiction

You asked about process, and the truth is, I don’t … really have one. For the Muggle/FWB AU called “Let Me love” I just published, I actually wrote a pretty detailed outline that I then filled in, which was fun, but it’s not a habit exactly. I’d written a lot of assorted scenes and pieces of dialogue for that one, too, so I had a lot of material and just had to put all the scraps and pieces in order and stitch it all together. After the brainstorming, word-vomity part of writing Let Me love, my #1 task was figuring out where everything went, and making sure it’s all there.

As soon as I’d written a full first draft, no gaps, and the anatomy of the whole thing had somewhat clicked into place, I moved away from it for a while. Wrote something else. Came back maybe a week or two later, polished up the prose a bit very late at night.

Figure out when your creative hours are, if you can pinpoint it at all. Mine are precisely “I was supposed to be asleep two hours ago and I’ve got an important thing tomorrow” o’ clock. Sigh.

Just - leave it alone for a bit, come back with fresh eyes. I love writing Let Me love - I’m working on part 2 right now - but after you’ve fucked around with the same sentence fifty times, you get sick of it. And I did. At some point you have to decide to put down the pen and let it be.

Especially because fanfiction isn’t something you’re writing for a publisher - hopefully, you’re writing it mostly for you - no one is holding a gun to your head to get rid of every last adverb or stuff like that. I can do what I want, MOM. I am allowed to make the thing I’m writing as tropey and campy as I want and hold up a big old middle finger to the rules, if that’s what I want to do.

Fanfiction, to me, is this grand, batshit writing playground. That’s why I fell for it in the first place - it’s inherently self-indulgent and hedonistic and that you can write everything EXACTLY as you please is the primary purpose it serves as a genre. So go wild.

(Process-wise, the one thing I do very consistently is making moodboards and playlists. I like having some inspiration material to swim around in, which helps me figure out what the story looks and feels and sounds like in my head. 

Every fic has a soundtrack. SOUNDTRACKS ARE IMPORTANT, PEOPLE.

Like, Let Me love is all coloured lights and night-time London and texts left on read. It’s neon signs and wearing somebody else’s t-shirt, messy bedsheets and hangover breakfasts and quarter-life crises.

This is the Pinterest board.)

What I pay most attention to is the stuff that gives the text depth beyond the surface. I look for metaphors - and I personally prefer the ones that carry through the whole thing, ideas we explore throughout the story and revisit at the end. I look for themes that hold a story together beyond the plot. I look for subtext and imagery and I want symbolism, goddamnit. 

(That’s the poet kicking in.)

And of course, I’m a product of my generation, so I love referencing other bodies of work and subverting tropes and stuff like that. Hey kids, intertextuality is fun!

(Like, do you see what I did there? See how the phrase “hey kids x is fun” in itself is a reference to something? See??? I’m a fucking genius.)

I think we need some examples. Allow me to toot my own horn for a minute.

In the Halloween 2018 oneshot I wrote, which is about Harry grappling with the anniversary of his parents’ death when he’s a little older, he visits the graveyard with Ginny and Lily Luna. Ginny comments that “it’s freezing”, to which Harry responds with the titular, “you’re warm”. And yes, it’s October, it’s probably cold. They’re keeping each other warm. And yes, it’s maybe about comfort in harsh situations in general, a more metaphorical warmth, if you will. I get it. 

But when you remember this exchange is taking place on a graveyard, you might start to wonder about warm, living bodies as opposed to cold, deceased ones. And then you think about how this whole story is about the living remembering - in a sense, living with - the dead. And how it’s about death as a part of Harry’s life. And you can probably guess by now that all my literature teachers fucking adored me.

(But he’s also choosing a side here, maybe. But I’m merely the author, you don’t have to listen to me at all. My words beyond the words don’t mean shit unless you decide they do and even then you’re going to find yourself knees-deep in a debate around authorial intent in record-time. In the age of “Nagini was a cursed human woman all along”, I’m not sure I want that.)

I also reference other pieces of work a lot. Often poems, and even more frequently, songs. The songs in Let Me love are VERY IMPORTANT and I can’t show you the full playlist right now because SPOILERS. But the chapters are split into sub-sections via song lyrics. Those are part of the playlist. There’s also a lot of referencing songs in general because Harry is a big music fan in this one, but that’s just indulgence on my part. If I want to make a 21st century Harry a Mitski stan, then I will. And I did!

(AND Let Me love has a Friends reference. For funsies, but also, for much more than funsies.)

“I love you / please do not use it” was inspired by a poem by Savannah Brown called “organs”. (It’s linked in the author’s notes at the beginning.)

“It’s two sugars, right?” borrows and/or references a ton of lines and phrases from T. S. Eliot’s The Hollow Men. Most noticeably:

Sublety isn’t my middle name, exactly. (The forget-me-not-blue sky in The Bride On The Train, anyone?)

In short: I like when my fanfictions are worth rereading. I like when you can come out the second read having found a little more than you did the first. I like when you can wander around a little, and, like a treasure hunter, make some strange new discoveries.

Lastly: of course, writing from your own experience helps. Spy on your own life. Collect all the ways in makes you feel, like a thief, write it down, memorise it, put it in the story. Reuse! Recycle! ✊🏻

I fortunately don’t relate to Harry’s childhood trauma, but the feeling at the beginning of “We’ll figure it out” - which is a story set shortly after him and Ginny find out she’s pregnant and he’s struggling to connect with everybody else’s simple bliss, because he’s terrified, and he’s terrified of admitting he’s terrified - that was real. That “wait a minute, this moment is amazing. I’m supposed to be the happiest person on the planet right now. Why am I not feeling it? What is this emptiness? Am I not happy right now? Why am I having doubts? I’m not supposed to have any doubts! What the fuck is wrong with me?”, that was lifted from a specific experience.

Side note, I’m really proud of that one.

Okay, poetry! 

Where there is even less rules and more fucking around ensues!

I read and promptly lost a quote recently about how explaining a song sort of defeats the purpose. (I’ll link it here if I ever find it again.) In some ways, poems and songs work really similarly, and I think it applies here as well: if you could really explain the whole poem in one sentence, or a few sentences, if you could accurately and concisely summarise exactly how it feels, then you wouldn’t really need the poem. My favourite poems (or songs) tend to be the ones that outline a really specific emotion via a few powerful images, but I couldn’t precisely tell you what the emotion is. Like, I know exactly what this thing is saying, I know this exact feeling, I GET-GET it, but don’t ask me to explain the thing, just READ the THING, and you’ll KNOW.

Mitski does this really well. Like, I couldn’t explain to you what Last Words Of A Shooting Star makes me feel, but it does. I can tell you that “I am relieved that I left my room tidy, they’ll think of me kindly when they come for my things” cuts through me like a hot blade but I can’t pinpoint exactly why and I don’t want to. All I know is she Gets It, and that I want her writing chops, goddamnit.

Or, like, look at Laura Gilpin’s Two-Headed Calf. Yeah, I’ve read that poem a hundred times and thought a lot about all the themes it’s presenting me with. But I have zero desire to explain those themes to you, because I’d kind of be robbing it of its magic. I don’t want to tell you what it’s about. I want you to read it and I want to simply sit with the knowledge that we know, we Get It, that “twice as many stars as usual” kicked you in the shins, emotionally speaking, as much as it did me.

Few words, max impact, is key.

In Mary Oliver’s words, we want something inexplicable made plain, not unlike a suddenly harmonic passage in an otherwise difficult and sometimes dissonantsymphony - even if it is only for the moment of hearing it.

I’m realising right now that leading with these shining examples and then following them up with my own thing is nerve-wracking. But I like to think that I accomplished something like that with a little poem I wrote called Basements.

It’s is based on the prompt “back to nature” and follows that, uhm, somewhat loosely, a little subverted. I think it’s about impermanence and nostalgia and the fact that the places we lived in continue to exist even when our lives in them don’t anymore. It’s about that and a lot of other things. Maybe. The truth is, I don’t want to explain it to you: I just want you to read it, and then I hope that it made you feel something, and I’m going to trust that you Get It. Maybe you don’t get the same things I did, but that’s great. I’d love nothing more.

Before it was all those things, it was a poem about my life. The neighbourhood with the yellow house across the graveyard that I spent nine mostly happy years in. (The house, not the graveyard.) Every single thing in there is true: my sister really bust her lip and we both cried; wild lilac really grew there; we did spend most of our summers catching tadpoles, and yes, that neighbourhood was a construction site from the first day we lived there to the very last.

And I really sat in the driver’s seat of the family car about a year ago and watched it from afar. I didn’t come up with that - it’s my life. I only went on a scavenger hunt through my own memories, through the places and records and mementos of my life, and arranged a few specific anecdotes in a way that would give them meaning.

It’s kind of what I’m proudest of when it comes to my poetry - that I get to just live my life and see the metaphor and the meaning and symbolism as I’m experiencing it. I sat in the car and I thought, huh, that’s definitely making me Feel A Thing right now, that I’m sitting in the driver’s seat looking at this place I haven’t really been to in years, my childhood home, where I don’t live anymore. That I drove here myself.

I think that, when done right, specific makes universal. If you arrange a kaleidoscope of memories in just the right way, what it’s making you feel will speak for itself, and you won’t have to explain it. Most people who’ve read “basements” probably didn’t spend countless summers playing in literal holes, originally dug out for basements that were never built because no one wanted to move there. Holes that then grew full of weeds and wild lilac and felt like miniature jungles right outside our parents’ houses. It was perfect, it was specifically mine, but the feeling behind it is universal, I think.

Like, that’s how half of Taylor Swift’s RED works. That’s how most good Taylor Swift songs work. That’s why the bridge in Out of the Woods is so good and why I love New Year’s Day so much and it’s EXACTLY why All Too Well is considered her best song by so many people. Because she zoomed in on the details of her life and let the world take a look. Because “we dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light” is a line in that song. THAT’s why it MAKES YOU FEEL THE THING.

Back to poems? This:

So we tell them all about the dayWe planned revolutions on my bedroom floor, or how we onceSpent an entire Monday lunch break making life plans over ice creamAnd most of our parties talking politics over beerWe both paid for ourselves.About the days you drive me to school. In your carI am the girl, front-seat passenger of our lives,Who does not need reach for the steering wheel –The road is alright. 

isn’t fiction. These are my memories, carefully selected and re-arranged for Politics at Parties Boy.

I didn’t make up these film stills of a non-romantic relationship that never became anything other than non-romantic because neither party ever made a move. What I did is look at my own life like it’s a piece of fiction. If these memories were a movie, you could pluck them apart and say, see, the screenwriters put this scene here to communicate that.

The truth is, I am the screenwriter and the protagonist and the actress and the director and the camerawoman. I looked at a teenage girl who refused to let her friend buy her a beer at a school party and decided “huh, I guess that tells us everything we need to know” because I was that girl. 

And I did pay for the beer, so we’d never move into “let me buy you a drink” territory. He was already driving me to school.

That’s my best lesson on poetry, really. I look at my life like it’s a piece of fiction and then I make it one. I put personal memories in poems meant to be read by other people, I overinterpret everything that happens to me, am literally constantly thinking about how to work every knock-back and struggle into my narrative arc and look for symbolism in anything from the date, the weather, and the colour of my front door. I watch myself in third person all the time and thus become my own muse. I’m the painter and the painting.

It’s a somewhat narcissistic and masturbatory approach to poetry, but as far as writing about your own life goes, it’s what works for me.

As far as writing about not yourself goes - well, I’m a narcissist and I’m bad at that, but I wrote a poem about the Mars rover Opportunity that shut down this February called Spirit shuts down and Opportunity feels no tremble, no ache. For stuff like that, if you don’t happen to be Struck TM by a lightning bolt of inspiration (which is the exception, not the rule), a good old-fashioned mind-map helps. I just let my robot grief go wild on the page for a bit and what I ended up writing about was death and the human condition and being a teenage girl, maybe.

I really enjoy taking two concepts/ideas and juxtaposing them, watching a theme unfold in the overlap. Like, it’s a poem about a robot AND about being a teenage girl and in between those two lies a poem about the futile attempts to teach a robot human emotion. Maybe.

It’s a poem about how my mum always cries at the airport and about me making my own happiness my priority and it kind of ends up being about my intense guilt of making my parents watch me change and grow and leave.

It’s about the night I wandered through a quiet street in Central London at 1 a.m. and realised that the city of my dreams sleeps like any other place, that people wake up early and make coffee and go to work and have bad days here. That it’s not all dream. It’s some people’s lives. But it’s also about watching another person sleep - the way someone’s face changes when they do.

In the middle lay a poem about finding a friend in a lover. Not the daydream, but my life.

Lastly, I can’t talk about my own poetry without talking about my darling poem 5 disasters. It’s my pride and joy. Like, you could kill me write now and I’d be like, it’s okay, I’ve written the poem I want to be remembered for and it’s this one. I wrote it in less than a day and every time I think about the fact that I wrote

I cravedsomething more violent than death, somethingviolent enough to bea beginningand for my life to be thousands of themI wantednothingto remainexcept the girl that sentthe disastersand survived -may this wasteland bewhere I find her.

… I lose my shit a little bit.

(5 disasters was a rarity in how quickly I wrote it. It often takes me weeks. Sometimes months. There’s poems I’ve been meaning to write for years now and I still haven’t found the words. Take your time.)

5 disasters is a lot of things, but within the context of the poetry collection it’s hopefully going to exist in one day, it serves as almost an instruction manual for metaphors: here, the floods and rainfalls are always change and the forest fires are always my highschool demons and my friends and how they look the same. The colour yellow is always referencing the same love. Basically, I like pinpointing my symbolisms and then crafting a poem around them. You end up creating something like an in-poem universe that you get to navigate like a fantasy novel. Like you’re telling a story about a natural disaster, but it’s all a metaphor, Hazel Grace.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. As I do.

I hope this serves as a starting point of sorts, anon. Most importantly, have fun, don’t concern yourself with all the rules too much. Experiment, be bold, read lots.

Again, if you’ve got any questions, I’d be thrilled to help. Thanks for the opportunity to toot my own horn to this outrageous degree, it’s been a blast.

#this is SO LONG i'm SO SORRY i was VERY EXCITED #jessie the writer #owl post #anon

[kenziestudies19]

50 Hours Challenge - Goals

So it’s May 4th today, and I haven’t posted at all about the 50 hours challenge, or studying related at all for that matter. Heck, I haven’t made any posts about my own studies in a few months, mostly because I had a run in with my good ol’ friend Depression and wasn’t studying at all since mid-March until the last week of April, and also because I regularly forget to post even when I do study.

So that said, I thought I’d start things off with a list of my goals so I can keep somewhat in order and accountable, although I do have these listed in my journal as well. Having it in more than one place is never a bad thing!

Japanese

• Learn N5 and N4 vocab

• Daily flashcards

• Listen to a radio program every day, take notes if I can

• Write posts on HelloTalk app daily, write corrections in a journal.

I’ve been learning Japanese for nearly ten years now, so I’ve picked up a lot of N5/4 words and such, but especially when it comes to N4 vocab there’s a lot I don’t know. I figured this would be a good way to tackle vocab learning. Flashcards really help me with vocab, so they’re important.

As for radio, my listening skills are the worst area so this is what I really want to try to tackle this month. With radio, there’s very little you can go on OTHER than what you’re hearing as it’s not like watching a movie or drama where you’re seeing body language and you can turn on subs to clarify things and all that. It really puts your listening to the test, so that’s why I find it a good resource and want to focus on it this month. And of course, HelloTalk posts cover practicing grammar and allow me to practice what I’ve been learning over the course of the month.

Italian

• Daily flashcards

• Practice pronouniaction

I just started learning Italian a year ago but it’s never been a main focus for me and I’ve often put it on the backburner in favour of other things. This month I just want to try to build my vocabulary up and practice the basics of pronunciation.

And that’s it! I hope to start posting regularly because this blog has become more of an aesthetic blog than a study blog and I’m not satisfied with that. I’m not really setting out to do what I originally wanted to - inspire others and be inspired myself to work hard on language learning and improve. So hopefully with this challenge I can get into a posting routine.

Good luck to everyone doing the challenge!

#studyblr #langblr #japanese #japanese studyblr #studyspo #50hrschallenge