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idontwanttospoiltheparty · 2 years

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first of all i want to say i absolutely love i'm looking thorugh you and i'm excited for the next chapter. now on an unrelated note i want to ask have you seen sarah z's new video on fanfiction? if you have, what do you think?

Hi anon, thank you so much!!! My exams are starting in 10 days and in 5 days I'll be seeing my sister for the first time in one and a half years, so I'm gonna really try to find space to finish up Chapter 8 very soon (perhaps today [not including editing time, but everything currently written has been gone through once already]) so that I can justifiably step away from it again to focus on my exams and spending time with her, before returning to it. (which probably won't be before September)

I hadn't seen it and haven't watched any of her videos in a while, but I did upon seeing this ask. (I find her long-winded and generally she doesn't say much I haven't thought of myself; watched it on double speed lmao)

I agree with her on most points, I think. Fanfic is clearly art, I think that's honestly a stupid thing to even debate about. Also, it's first and foremost a medium with intrinsic qualities that can be either used to the story's advantage or disadvantage.

While there's value in original fiction having to rise up to the challenge of building characters and setting from scratch, a narrative meant to be understood with foreknowledge of "canon" can actually inherently tell a different type of story. Like, it's kind of one of the points I'm trying to make with I'm Looking Through You; demonstrating how the story both parallels and diverges from what actually happened, which would be difficult to do in a satisfying and engaging way if I had to establish the first "timeline" within the story as well, if that makes sense.

That being said, I think Beatles RPF (the kind that doesn't take place in AUs) is sort of interesting in that respect: if you're writing fic for a book series or a movie franchise or what have you, in most cases you can expect the reader to have come across the entire canon (say with the exception of monster franchises like Discworld or the Star Wars EU). But in the case of a story based on a real history, which draws from many books and accounts as well as pictures and film, it's kind of difficult for me as an author to suss out what I can reasonably expect my readers to be aware of. Usually, when I tie in some recollection of a real event (example off the top of my head: I mention Paul getting Dot Rhone pregnant in chapter 3) I try to formulate it in a way that if someone wasn't previously privy to that particular fact it would still be understandable to the extent it's relevant to the story. The only thing I in general assume to be known is their discography. So in a way, the concept of fanfic not requiring any skills in establishing anything isn't quite accurate. I'm also kind of a big show don't tell truther, so I kind of think if you follow that principle perfectly (not saying I do btw, it's pretty difficult) with your characters, you're more or less doing the same thing whether the characters are known to the audience already or not.

I think the main thing about fanfic and the perceived poor quality of it is due to, as mentioned in the video, there being zero barriers of entry but also to the fact that constructive criticism is just not really welcome on fanfic sharing platforms. For better or for worse, in 90% of the cases, people are only gonna comment on a fic to praise it. I think that's fine in the sense that most people aren't aspiring professional writers, but it doesn't make for the best environment to improve and grow as a writer more than simply practicing the art would help anyways. If you're lucky, someone will specify the reasons they enjoy the story, but just like we can't expect everyone to write perfectly, we can even less expect all readers to spend half an hour writing a carefully worded review. I kind of wish there was a setting on ao3 where you could mark a fic as "open to criticism", so people who are just writing for themselves can just keep doing their thing unbothered, but people interested in honing their craft could get more nuanced feedback than "OHHHH MY GOOOOOD I LOVE THIS".

The kind of funny thing for me is that all original fiction I've written or attempted to write up until now was very much based around my own personal experiences, so writing from the perspective of men in the 60s who had insanely different lives from mine actually really forced me out of my comfort zone in a way? And the work I put into the historical research is considerable, so I just think that really doesn't match up with what fanfic-haters imagine the genre to be?

Of course, a bunch of stories do match up with antis' expectations of it, but alas that's not fanfiction as a medium's fault and there's nothing inherently wrong with stories written with their main purpose being escapism. I mostly think people should be aware that that's what they're consuming and if that's the only thing they consume, they might be missing out on more challenging ideas.

#I think that's most of my thoughts?#if I missed anything major Sarah brought up you'd like to hear my thoughts on please tell me :)#ask #anon #fic #fiona.docx

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scvrllet · 3 years

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EXAM SEASON

A Platonic!Ranboo & Reader oneshot (based off his dsmp character not the content creator)

Late night study sessions leads Ranboo to meet someone who may just help him pass his Arithmancy exam, and possibly someone he could consider a friend.

contains: gender-neutral!reader (they/them pronouns used), readers house is not mentioned, Hufflepuff!Ranboo, hogwarts au (set in fourth year/GOF), (1,170 words)

authors note: here is ranboo’s oneshot for my dsmp x hp au series! fucking finally lmao, sorry for the long wait i got overwhelmed at the amount of people who liked the masterlist when i posted first it and just couldn’t write anything for a bit but i finished this one! purpleds next!

join my taglist | series masterlist

Considering the fact that memorization wasn't his strong suit, you would've thought that Ranboo would have avoided taking subjects such as Arithmancy where good memorization skills were key. Any other subject would've been suitable for him but when his Head of House said that the Care of Magical Creatures class he signed up for was full, for some reason Ranboo chose Arithmancy out of the other listed options. Whether it was just his nerves that led him to pick the first one listed or some other unknown reason, here he was now in the library at nearly one in the morning with books littering the entire table.

A cup of tea he had made before coming down was buried beneath the masses of books somewhere but Ranboo couldn't care less. He could last without the tea though the stress that fogged his mind was making it harder and harder to stay focused.

"Would you like a biscuit?" A soft voice caught his attention. Looking up from his books, he saw a student in (H/C) robes holding a plate of biscuits out to him. Not wanting to be rude, he timidly took one which caused the bearer to smile.

"Arithmancy huh?" They said aloud as they looked at the many open books sprawled across the table.

Ranboo nodded as he took a bite out of the biscuit. "This exam is going to be the death of me."

"Would you like some help?" The question caught Ranboo by surprise and almost made him choke on the biscuit. Fortunately he was able to play it off as a cough before sitting upright.

"Really?" He said, tone a bit too excited for his liking causing the person to chuckle. "I mean, are you sure? I don't want to be a bother if you're busy or anything, I can probably handle it myself if you are so-"

"I'm sure, I don't mind helping. I didn't take Arithmancy but I did sit through enough study sessions with Cho to understand it. Against my will that is but at least the knowledge is coming into use now." They said and Ranboo's ears perked at the mention of his friend’s name.

He wasn't that close with the Ravenclaw but after being paired as Potions partners for the last few years, the two have grown close enough to call each-other friends. Even then he was surprised he didn’t hear of or see them before.

"You know Cho?"

They answered his question with a nod, setting down the plate of biscuits before taking the seat in front of him at the table and introducing themselves with a smile. "I'm (Y/N)."

"Ranboo, nice to meet you (Y/N)."

"Likewise, now we have some studying to do." (Y/N) said as they grabbed one of his textbooks and quickly scanned the pages. "A lot actually, these books are full of crap, you won't learn a thing with these."

Pulling out their wand, Ranboo watched as they summoned a stack of textbooks to appear on the table.

"Isn't magic forbidden to be used outside of class?" He asked, shivering at the thought of accompanying Filch for detention if you were to have gotten caught.

"I'm sure Filch has more, groundbreaking things to worry about than me using magic. And plus, it's for studying, the rules say magic used for studies is acceptable." They responded, eyes glued to the pages as they flipped through them hastily but Ranboo caught the ghost of a mischievous smirk on their lips. "Here, this will teach you more than all of the books you got here."

Taking the book, Ranboo read over the words of the books and unlike the ones he got from the library, this book actually taught him what to do rather than simply restating the basic elements of it. “Where did you get this?”

(Y/N) simply shrugged in response, explaining that Cho had bought them for her studies and hadn't used them since she finished taking the class last school year. It was a small gesture, lending him the books, but with how much these books may just help him in tomorrow's exam, he needed to repay them somehow. Before he could even begin to thank them however, he needed to pass.

It was a tiring night for both of them and even if Ranboo had insisted on them heading back to their dorm and rest, (Y/N) told him that they were okay and was content on helping him study. Even if it meant spending the entire night in the library.

By the time morning came, Ranboo was still scribbling notes down on a piece of parchment while (Y/N) seemed to be dozing off in their seat. He felt guilty for partially being the cause of it even if he knew they stayed on their own accord. When the sounds of students beginning to get ready for the day echoed through the halls, Ranboo had finally finished the last of his notes before exclaiming “Done!” which also woke up (Y/N) who looked to have finally fallen asleep.

“Oops.” He said much quieter, a meek smile on his face as they let out a sigh.

“Thought a bloody murderer was in the school again.”

“Thankfully no, but I did finish studying-”

“Which means I can now sleep!” They cut him off and Ranboo couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed. Especially when he did pull them into this mess.

“Yes you can, thank you for helping me, I owe you so much.”

“I just gave you better resources and some company, you don’t owe me anything.”

“Come on, how about some Butterbeer at Hogsmeade this weekend at least. I’ll pay, but it’s the least I can do.”

They looked at him with a tired, but also amused, expression before finally accepting his offer. “Fine, looks like I’ll see on Saturday then.”

“Great, I’ll see you then.” Ranboo replied and as he watched them gather their belongings and leave the library, he had failed to notice the folded piece of parchment that had been slipped into his pockets until he was sitting at his desk during the exam. It was risky to be reading a note in the midst of an exam, a simple speculation of cheating would result in an immediate fail regardless of what was written inside but Ranboo didn’t seem to worry too much.

Opening the neatly folded note, he found himself smiling at the simple words printed on the parchment that read: Goodluck Ranboo :) . Looking up from his desk, he managed to catch sight of them outside the door giving him a thumbs up. He had to cover his mouth to not bring attention to himself laughing as he silently thanked them for the encouragement but as he watched them quickly get told off by Filch for standing outside an exam room, silencing himself became much harder than he originally thought.

Looks like I have to reschedule for the next Hogsmeade trip for that Butterbeer.

FIN.

TAGLIST

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @lucy-malfoy07 @tsukilover11 @sweetblueparadisebabyg @gryffindorgirl @annika0-o @rocketxgirl @debesteimanetje @vixxiann @nataliewalker93 @averyisbackinthetrashcan @killzandchillz

GEN. DSMP TAGLIST: @water-vevo @sparklykeylime @chaiteabeebee @hopeisnootfound @lemonnotade @dreamyender @denkisclown @yellow-aster @confusedcrayon

RANBOO TAGLIST: @luluwinchester @shibble @bberee @oh-my-ronron-mphfpc-fanfic-heart @quivvyintheclouds @joyfullymulti

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samwisethewitch · 4 years

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dorm friendly magick for broom-closeted student witches

Got roommates that aren’t into witchcraft/magick? Can’t burn incense in your dorm room? Don’t have time for elaborate rituals between studying for exams and writing papers? I’ve been there. Here are some of my favorite undercover spells and rituals for witches living that college life.

Journal Magick

Keep a manifestation journal! Find a journal that really speaks to you and makes you feel good every time you open it, whether it’s a bulky leatherbound tome or has a holographic cover and hot pink pages -- what matters is that you feel a connection to it.

Every morning, write down the things you want to manifest in your journal in the present tense, as if they had already happened. [Note: this works better if you are writing the same thing every day for at least a few weeks. Consistent intent is key!]

For more information on this type of manifestation, just search “scripting” on YouTube and you’ll find approximately 642934 videos on the subject.

This is a really great technique for closet witches, because no one is going to be suspicious of you writing in a notebook -- plus, it’s normal for people to want to keep their journals private.

Work with correspondences just like you would for a normal spell! You can print out photos of herbs, crystals, tarot cards, astrological signs, or moon phases that correspond to your intention and glue them into your journal (or draw them, if you have artistic talent). You could even get an essential oil that matches your intention and dab a drop of it on the page. You’re essentially creating an altar dedicated to your intention, just on paper instead of in a physical altar space.

Tap into the magick of color by writing your intentions with a pen in a corresponding color (green = abundance/wealth, pink = love and friendship, yellow = academic success, etc.).

Tea and Coffee Magick

Tea and coffee are already essentially potions, and no one is going to think twice about a college student drinking a lot of coffee/tea.

Coffee is associated with grounding and protection, and it adds energy to any spell it is added to. Black tea is associated with protection, courage, and abundance. Green and white tea have their own, slightly different magickal uses. Based on these correspondences, you can use coffee and tea as a base for undercover potions!

For mental clarity and memory retention, brew a mixture of black coffee, lion’s mane, chaga, and ginger. For a caffeine-free alternative, brew an herbal tea with rosemary and peppermint.

To cleanse negative energy and release stress, brew a mixture of black coffee, Ashwagandha, cinnamon, tulsi or basil, and Eleuthero. This is based on a Four Sigmatic blend, lmao.

For a sneaky prosperity spell, brew a mixture of black coffee, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and vanilla. Yes, that is essentially pumpkin pie spice, and yes, you can use a pre-mixed pumpkin pie blend instead of buying the individual spices.

I could go on, but you get the idea. You can customize your morning beverage to suit any magickal or spiritual need.

Most plants have medicinal uses that are the same or similar to their magickal uses. So if anyone asks, tell them you’re adding these extra herbs for their nutritional and/or medicinal value.

You can also charge your tea or coffee with crystals. Just set a small crystal associated with your intention (amethyst for mental clarity, black tourmaline for protection, citrine for prosperity, etc.) next to the mug for a few minutes, or place it on top of your coffee maker. Be sure to charge both the crystal and the drink with your intention!

Candle Magick

If your dorm lets you have candles then congrats, because candle spells are both super powerful and a super easy way to hide your magick in plain sight.

Find a candle in a scent and color that match your intention. For example, you could use a pink, rose-scented candle for a love spell.

You can find custom spell candles made by witches for witches on Amazon and Etsy, and these have the added bonus of having been specifically created for magickal use. Some of the businesses I’ve personally had good experiences with are Art of the Root (available on Amazon), Esoteric Arts (available on Etsy), and Crystal Journey (Amazon).

That being said, I’ve gotten good results with $1.99 scented candles from Walmart, so please don’t feel like you need to spend a fortune on special candles for your spell to be successful.

In a pinch, an unscented white candle can be used for any intention. You can get these at the dollar store, and it’s never a bad idea to have a few on hand.

Oil Magick

Your dorm has a no-open-flames rule, so candles and incense are out of the question. No problem -- you can get similar results with essential oils.

An essential oil literally contains the concentrated essence of a plant. Magickally speaking, this makes them a powerful way to add some oomph to your spells. They’re also commonly used for aromatherapy, so your roommate probably won’t be phased by you diffusing them in your dorm.

You can create custom EO blends the same way you would create an incense blend, by combining different plants based on their correspondences. You can also buy pre-mixed blends online if you’re feeling lazy or if you have a certain blend you know you’re going to use a lot like, say, a focus-enhancing blend for studying.

Another option, and one that’s more traditionally witchy, is to use magickal oils/ritual oils. A magickal oil is an oil that has been created for a specific magickal purpose -- it’s like a spell in a bottle. A ritual oil is created for a specific use in magickal ritual. You can find tons of different ways to incorporate these oils into your daily life for some very subtle witchcraft.

You can create your own magickal oils by combining herbs, essential oils, and crystals that match your intention, or you can buy magickal oil blends from witch-owned businesses. Art of the Root has my absolute favorite oils -- I have like six different blends, and they’re all ridiculously powerful.

Some ways you can use magickal oils: 1.) wear them as a body oil, 2.) diffuse them like you would an essential oil blend, 3.) use them to anoint and bless objects, like tests or study guides, 4.) add them to spiritual baths, and a million more. [Note: many magickal oils come with real herbs and resins in the bottle. These chunky bits could damage a diffuser, so do keep that in mind.]

Personally, I wear magickal oils on a daily basis in the place of perfume, since most of the ones I own smell really good. As I apply them, I say a small incantation to power them up. For example, if I’m wearing an attraction oil, when I put it on I’ll say something like, “I am powerfully attractive to the people and things that will improve my life.” Which oil I choose to wear depends on the day and the area of my life where I want some extra help.

Tech Magick

The nice thing about being a witch in the 21st century is that, if all else fails, you can keep your entire magickal practice contained on your laptop and/or phone. And even if you’re not doing 100% of your witchcraft in a virtual space, you can still use your technology as a tool in your practice.

Pinterest is the ultimate visualization tool. You can create a virtual altar to a deity or spirit guide by dedicating a Pinterest board to them, or create vision boards for the things you want to manifest, or create a brainstorming space to plan your full moon rituals... the possibilities are endless.

Keep your Book of Shadows and/or manifestation journal in a Word document. If you’re really concerned about privacy, you can even password protect these documents. Another pro of an electronic Book of Shadows is that most word processors have a “search” function that lets you look things up more easily.

Make a devotional playlist for a deity or spirit guide. Making Spotify playlists for my deities is one of my favorite devotional acts! I’ll put together all of the songs that remind me of that deity, and I can listen to it anytime, anywhere to instantly connect with them. And don’t be afraid to ask your deities what type of music they like -- you may be surprised by the answer!

If any other witches have similar tips, feel free to add onto this! This is just stuff that I’ve found works for me, but magick is deeply personal and everyone will do things a little bit differently.

And not to shove my content in everyone’s faces, but I did just post a spell to enchant your school notebooks on my YouTube channel, so check that out if you’re interested!

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sapphicwhxre · 3 years

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tiny pansy rant, cut short so it’s *hopefully* not too long:

i. wanted. to. see. her. change! and in my opinion the reason she never got the chance was because jkr used her character to make fun of people she disliked :/

pretty much all the other noteable slytherins had some sort of redemption arc,, and yeah they’re still mostly problematic people but they got chances: snape, draco, narcissa, regulus, slughorn, leta and technically andromeda? you get the point i just—

like miss ma’am decided to make pansy,, the like slytherin stereotype? and have her want to betray harry? she was seventeen ffs, not bellatrix lestrange. she was in the middle of a war? in my personal opinion i don’t think that she wanted to hand harry over out of cruelty like. it’s possible? but maybe she was just scared? also don’t we know that pansy was terrified at the thought of like. voldemort coming to hogwarts? again: everyone expects all of the children in harry potter to be these selfless brave individuals,, they’re kids :( yes ik it’s ya fantasy but cmon. they were supposed to be stressed about the N.E.W.T exams not the upheaval of their society?

and don’t get me wrong i know that she was. not a good person. she was a bitchy teenage bully who was taught hateful views. but i wanted to see her change even a little– even draco marries someone who presumably teaches him how to treat people equally? like. there was so much room for change: she was a prefect, she was capable of some kindness seeing as she liked draco, or alternatively, we could’ve seen her break away from draco and potentially stop hating harry/all his friends quite so much or develop her own opinions. or maybe her group of friends that she used for validation throughout her school years was uprooted during the war and she had to learn that independency? or her pointing out harry could’ve been turned into trying to be selfless, like she thought they’d be safe that way, or she returned later fighting with reinforcements to show she was on Hogwarts’ side. jkr is always like "well they technically came back to fight, if you squint » but that’s not enough. also? let’s say we did get a glimpse of her during the actual battle: there could’ve been anything, the smallest scene, that showed some sort of support or reconciliation or something between her and hermione, considering how hermione was often pansy’s target. everybody wants to see forgiveness between draco and harry because of minor events/details (i dislike drarry but that’s besides the point), but imagine what could’ve changed with some semblance of apology or assistance from pansy to hermione. there were so many chances for r*wling to give her a smallest redemption

but instead we got her characterized as evil and a stupid, cowardly traitor. she the only person we ever see her care for marries her friends younger sister. she’s the written depiction of jkr’s bitterness and her arc is jkr’s vengeance.

also, another reason that i’m so mad she got nothing is because of the whole slytherin=evil thing. she’s made into a stereotype of a “slytherin”— cruel, selfish, shallow, ugly, and asinine. (also i could rant about slytherin forever, but can we just mention that jkr consistently refers to slytherins as physically ugly and just how fucked up that is? i– wtf). but anyway: to give pansy a chance to change is to give the slytherin house a chance to change its reputation. trying to justify that the slytherin house got its redemption because of the actions of ppl like snape or regulus, etc isn’t possible. because all of those “slytherin heroes” were described again and again as being “different from all the other slytherins”. they set themselves apart by being decent. they weren’t normal slytherins, no, they were set apart, they were brave and smart and kind— not evil. there’s no redemption to be found there. i wish jkr would just fucking say that being sorted into slytherin was being made into a villain. she dodged around it with rhetorical questions and pointing out how not All of them are bad,, and then will go on to mock the other slytherins and talk about how the heroes were Not Like The Other Snakes... again: there’s no redemption of slytherin as a house, as a quality, as a concept there. it’s just the redemption of an individual.

in pansy, however, we could’ve found so much more. like i said, she’s The Average Slytherin: not a hero, not a villain like voldemort. she’s made out to be a depiction of the typical slytherin student, one without a “destiny”, so to speak. and so to give her the chance, to see her change, to have her redefine herself? that would be a starting point for restoring slytherin as a whole (obviously not the best way, and the real best thing to do would be not to make an entire house be the bad guys in the first place, but–) to have someone who’s the figurehead of slytherin (like actually a figurehead,, girl is a even a prefect) show remorse and growth gives the entire house the seed of redemption. it would mean that after over a thousand years there could be peace between the houses. obviously not the only factor in reconciliation but still so important.

and not to just continue to heap on my own issues with it, but look. i know that there are so many other ways to introduce “mundane” antagonists without making them a symbol of anything. pansy could’ve been a bitch without representing slytherin. also pansy doesn’t have to break character and become kind for amends to be made. they don’t even have to be fully made, just started. but jkr chose to:

a.) go with bullying as a minor antagonistic element

b.) create and develop a character around that theme

c.) make this character only based on her own negative personal experiences

d.) turn that character into a representation of a much larger group of people

e.) deny that character any final moment that could begin to make amends for her actions and instead, chooses to make her “defining” moment an act of evil and cowardice

f.) either neglects the character or chooses plot points that would humiliate the character in all the glimpses of the future we are shown (ex. how dracos marriage is)

g.) openly mocks and insults the character repeatedly and never directly comes out and proves she didn’t write slytherins as evil

h.) to the best of my knowledge, ignores that pansy personifing slytherin, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and then characterizing both as “bad” and not giving them a chance to grow, is a summary of her thoughts on slytherin ls and is a possible interpretation of the text (i mean her opinions are already TRASH)

i. ignores the consequences of this or the possible effect it has on her entire fanbase and doesn’t seek to remedy it

but yeah, jkr, it was such a good idea to base a character off of your loathesone memories, take your anger out on her, and that choose to have that character partially represent a large percentage of your fanbase. thank you sooooo much. i really appreciate it!

summary:

I. Pansy— deserved an opportunity to have some character development. everyone else’s mistakes get overlooked to some degree save hers. had so many places to draw inspiration/opportunity from. could’ve progressed other ideas in the book and the analysis of her house while still remaining a “dislikable” character

II. Writing— from a “technical?” aspect, Pansy is underdeveloped and stagnant, used for personal reasons instead of as a plot device. perpetuates the slytherin=bad idea via a sloppy and repetitive characterization and emblem. there are ways around this that weren’t used.

III. I have no qualifications to be saying any of this lmao. Am I reading to much into it, knowing that Rowling tends to be shitty with writing details? Am I being dramatic and repetitive? probably!

IV. Fuck JKR (for everything. she’s an awful person)

anyways this has been: my mini-rant on pansy and her analysis,,, and i am terribly sorry,, i offer my apologies in advance for randomly dumping this into your inbox. it’s long and opinionated and there’s no real reason behind it! i just thought of it and then thought about it some more and then. here we are

ilysm mwah <3 should’ve definitely done something more productive but shh😭 rat brain hours

this is everything, you're completely right. i don't have much to add but i agree all the way. and people give pansy so much shit for the harry thing but she seemed genuinely scared of voldemort coming back and i really think that she believed he would leave them alone if they gave him up. from her perspective, it's either her and the people she cares about get to live or this guy that she not only isn't close to but probably sees as the bad guy considering she dated/was best friends with draco and witnessed their rivalry from his side. did she make the best decisions? no, not at all but i see her reasons and i don't think it makes her this antichrist that jkr makes her out to be. she pulled the “he's just a boy” with draco and had people sympathise with him when he did so so much worse than pansy did so why doesn't that apply to her? she's a kid. they all are. i love harry, ron, and hermione SO MUCH but jkr really said fuck everyone who isn't them ─ especially any girl who isn't her precious hermione. she projected her own pettiness onto fictional characters who are CHILDREN and proceeded to get upset when people connected to and loved other people that she herself made. creating such an underdeveloped character and expecting people to hate her just because she imagined her as her bully is beyond immature and ridiculous. anyways. jkr take a fucking chill pill and leave my girl alone.

#pansy parkinson

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wisteria-lodge · 3 years

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a bird secondary with a *very* unhealthy badger model

i’m pretty sure i’m using both Bird and Badger secondary tools - i just cannot for the life of me figure out which one’s my actual secondary, and which is the model. it doesn’t help that both of them are at least slightly charred. when i was younger, i was surely a Bird secondary, no doubt.

One of the reasons I ask people for childhood stories is I fundamentally don’t believe that sortings ever change. (Maybe that’s the Lion in me talking.) You can build beautiful models that you adore living in, but important aspects of yourself don’t just... fall away. They change, and grow, and level up.

i’ve always loved collecting knowledge, i store trivia better than many a fandom wiki, i’ve studied things just because they interested me, i’ve once memorised a big portion of the pokedex just for fun… you get the idea.

I’m going with Bird secondary as a hypothesis, but this doesn’t necessarily say bird secondary to me. Bird of some kind, sure. But it could still be a model.

when academia kicked my butt (hello, undiagnosed adhd), and i realised my natural talents and good memory won’t help me, i think i burnt my Bird. it really hit me very hard.

That can happen. And it’s brutal. But when a secondary burns from over-use, it’s not gone it’s just... tired.

i’ve started appreciating kindness and hard work, and i wanted to be a person who - wasn’t necessarily the smartest in the room (because i felt that this ship has already sailed.)

There’s a fun word for someone who thinks they’re the smartest person in the room. And that word is “asshole.” :) Seriously, ‘being the smartest person in the room’ isn’t a real thing, and definitely not something to aspire to.

didn’t help that i’ve also acquired a nemesis who was just as smart as me, but an asshole, lmaoo.

Like I was saying...

But I thought perhaps I could be the kind one. the patient one. the steady one. of course, that didn’t work for me with my adhd at all, lol. i am physically and mentally unable to reach that ideal of stable, patient, consistent, reliable. and it hit my self esteem real hard again.

There is some sort of POWERFUL Badger secondary influence in your life, making you believe that you need to be that way too. And you don’t. That’s the entire premise of this system. That there are many ways to solve problems, all equally effective and valid.

after all, not everyone can be smart, and that’s alright - but everyone can be a hard worker, right? it’s not a matter of any innate abilities.

You think the chip that allows you to settle down and focus on doing a non-preferred task in increments over long periods of time is not an innate ability? This is why I hate standardized tests. They test your ability to take a test much more than they test the material. Not everyone *can* sit at a desk in a silent, windowless room and do math problems for four hours. And why on earth should that be that a desirable, rewarded ability? The end goal is not to graduate and start working in a factory like its 1905.

my bachelor degree’s taken me a year longer than it should have, because i’ve started just… not doing my work. didn’t come to class, didn’t hand in my homework, didn’t contact my professors. did everything at the very last minute, if at all. and i didn’t know why.

It’s because you struggle with executive dysfunction. Because you’re neurodivergent.

i’ve felt terrible about it, because i wanted to be a good student, you know? i wanted to feel like i earned that degree. i passed, because i’m bright and i can extrapolate based on the knowledge i already have, and i have a lot of knowledge in this wonky brain of mine - but it doesn’t feel like i… deserved that pass.

for instance, we had this class - literature masterpieces of XX century. we were supposed to read one book each week. obviously i didn’t manage, bc despite reading as if my life depended on it in my early years, i lost that ability sometime during my high school years (when depression hit). so the night before, i’ve sat down, read the wikipedia article on every book and every author on the list, read goodreads’ reviews, sparknotes, whatever i could find. sometimes even fragments of the original text. and i passed that (oral) exam, even with this extremely strict professor. and i felt horrible about it, because i didn’t feel i deserved to pass that. i didn’t read those books! i’ve lied to you! i’ve cheated!

Listen. I’m a teacher, and I am telling you, you deserved that degree. You got the info, you thought about it, you understood. You didn’t trick your strict professor. Your professor did a good job, and allowed you to think and learn and demonstrate your knowledge in a way that worked for you. (Which is what they’re supposed to do.) I love students with ADHD, their brains are fast and non-linear, and yes they skim the reading, but they make connections and take things to new levels and process things in such cool way, and it just makes me feel alive you know?

I actually have more trouble with the opposite type, the student who obviously did the reading, but didn’t play with it or connect it to anything else they know, so it just kind of sits in their head like a lump, not doing them any good. But they are really good test-takers.

then again - doing things the right way was (and still is) sometimes just simply unaccesible to me.

There is no right way to do things. The right way to do thing is whatever makes you happy and gets the job done. But that’s a hard one to internalize. I still have trouble truly internalizing that one. But I’m getting better.

the badger secondary, therefore, is not anything that’s actually… useful to me, most of the time, lol.

You are crushing yourself under the weight of a Badger secondary model.

unless it’s the ~vibes~ of the badger that make professors like me, most of the time - and because of that liking, they’d often turn a blind eye to just how badly i’d fuck up.

I bet your professors like you because you’re an interested, interesting student who brightens up their day. And if they’re turning a blind eye, it’s because they know that people with ADHD struggle with deadlines sometime. And that’s /fine/

i often seem trustworthy and reliable in the beginning, before my executive dysfunction trips me up, and makes me beat myself up for not actually being that.

My thoughts on secondaries and executive dysfunction.

it’s the bird that helps me still achieve anything these days - the knowledge i still have, and the things i pick up along the way, from friends or twitter or online articles. i can bullshit my way through many things, because i know quite a bit about a wide range of topics.

It is so easy to pick up on true bullshit as a teacher. We *know* when you don’t know what you’re talking about. When you put together interesting statements and arguments on the fly - when you pull something out of your ass - it’s still coming from you. That’s just an alternate way of thinking. Also, everything you have written is SO BIRD.

but actually applying myself - which i feel is both necessary to succeed

It’s not.

and the right way to do things

There’s no such thing.

- is just… out of my reach. sorry for the rant, but i’m just so super confused, lmao. if you have any thoughts on this mess, i’d be very grateful. apologies for any mistakes, too - english is not my first language.

English isn’t your first language??? Your English is amazing. You’re a bird secondary, and a pretty brilliant one by the sound of it. And you are torturing yourself because you aren’t living up to an entirely arbitrary Badger secondary ideal.

#sortinghatchats #sortme #wisteria sorts #bird secondary #burnt bird secondary #badger secondary model #executive dysfunction #adhd #teaching

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lydias--stiles · 3 years

Text

JATP Fanworks Appreciation Week

TRIVIA TUESDAY Creators: give a “behind the scenes” look at your works

Below the cut are some anecdotes about the stories I’ve written for the fandom!

The Infamous Tale of Luke and Julie's Grand Trip Across America I felt bad about the way I’ll never fully be able to write perfect English and how messy my sentences looked, but then I realised that I could hone that and just write these sprawling paragraphs and see where it goes. Jack Kerouac calls it ‘spontaneous prose’ and his book “On The Road” helped me with certain parts. The roadtrip fic was something that spawned from my desire for something other than angst + a Gilbert-centric story I wrote back in 2018 for Anne With An E. In the end, it was still kind of angsty, but I’m proud of myself for inserting lots of humour and quirky moments. I have zero clue how I came up with the recurring soda gag. Oddly enough, I listened to a very emotional, slower song when Luke realises his feelings for her. “Sun” by Sleeping At Last - as opposed to the uptempo song that’s playing diegetically. The scene where they sleep in Raoul’s inventory was the first scene I wrote! Most scenes I wrote on my long commutes. Raoul’s family is based on my own! I’m not black, but we have a close connection to Congo. The dish they eat, moambe, was my comfort food (before I became vegan lol) and I wanted Luke to feel that same sense of comfort and safety. The bittersweet ending was always meant to be that way.

at long last, love has arrived I listened to this playlist ONCE and I went fully feral. I daydreamed the entire story while smiling like a fool and very much frightened my window neighbour. It was outlined in ten minutes and written in six days. I didn’t sleep and barely did any school work but it was so fucking worth it. It was supposed to be even longer, but I got agitated and just wanted to finish it. Here are the removed story beats: - A more in depth study on the fact that queen Madeleine is fit to rule, but is only temporarily doing so, until prince Nicholas his coronation. - The entire inquisition scene and consequently, the boys and Julie breaking Luke out of jail. - A glance at the future where Jules and Luke are now a travelling singing duo. - Julie asking Luke how Caleb knew who she was. He just described her that well. - She has Luke’s pen with her when they flee and mould it into rings. It’s not real gold, but that’s okay. - More Reggie!

i’ve got this crazy feeling this isn’t our first time around I was writing a high school!Juke story that was so meandering and I just got frustrated with how bad it was, that I decided to let shit hit the fan and write something absolutely insane - hence, this story. The first chapter was written in about two hours and I began outlining afterwards. Through the comments, I let the worldbuilding keep growing. A lot of people asked insightful questions that challenged me and made me want to think and write bigger. It was the first time that really happened and it was a great experience. The colour symbolism in earlier chapters were subconscious foreshadowing for MYSELF about how the story would evolve. I just fucking love colour lmao. Now people talk about purple as if it’s truly a deity. Their final moments together were revised about seven times and it’s still not perfect, but I really needed each second to count.

your heart is open (i see what’s inside) I was knees deep in theatre history and exams stress and that mixture created this short, yet somehow, well-received story. I just wanted to create a scene that could easily be seen onstage, some Samuel Beckett-type play.

such a cruel love (loving you) Once again, annoyed by my own writing and needing to revert back to my bread and butter: angst. I was rereading my first break-up fic that’s essentially the same story, but over an extended period of time. Though one of my favourites, I found there was a lack of maturity and wanted to delve deeper in what it means to love someone, if loving is enough, how much you can excuse bad behaviour, if memories hold any value, et cetera. Because of that deep dive, it became a very condensed story over a short period of time and I love that. I let them stay together in the end for the sake of catharsis, but I really struggled with that. It was three am and I was buzzing on five coffees and I was ready to just let them stay broken up. I genuinely wanted to end angst with MORE angst. (And then I remembered how certain people would be so fucking mad with me if I did lmao.) In real life, that’s likely what would’ve happened though.

you’re the calm in the storm If you follow me, you sometimes see random enraged posts with zero context. I’m angry a lot, which made me wonder what it would be like if it truly hindered someone. I got sucked into research and naturally, I decide to write a story. Aka: Julie dealing with IED and her romantic feelings towards Luke. More colour symbolism, but developed! They aren’t ‘opposites’ or entirely the same, nor did I want to romanticise ‘fixing your partner with love’, so I made them complementary. They compliment each other. I think that’s a nice way of seeing it. Carrie was supposed to have the pseudonym of ‘Candy’, to protect her famous father from being revealed as a douchebag! It was eventually inconsequential to plot and I kept her name as normal. It was supposed to be this little thing in the end where Julie and Luke spot a magazine stand and the headline is Carrie’s face saying she’s emancipated. This is the story I was most frightened to post - ever. I’m not neurodivergent and I was petrified to offend an entire community with unintended ignorance. Literally sweating, heart palpitating, the works.

If you have any more questions about these stories (or the others!), then don’t be afraid to ask!

#JatP Fanworks Appreciation Week #julie and the phantoms #jatp fanfiction

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burnedbyshoto · 4 years

Text

Weak

anonymous asked: can we get a bakugou fluff based on the song hug all ur friends by cavetwon

pairing: bakugou katsuki x fem!reader

warning: bakugou has high anxiety, cussing, fluff

word count: 4,000

a/n: so I listened to the 1 hour loop to this song when writing it LMAO, I think its one of my better pieces ive written, but I guess that’s also for you to decide!!!!!! enjoy!!!!

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Bakugou Katsuki was someone who had no guilt in admitting that he cared about himself first and foremost. Bakugou Katsuki never imagined a day would come where he would find himself interested in someone-- especially in a romantic setting.

Romance and Bakugou, to him it seemed like mixing oil and water. Impractical and impossible.

Bakugou was hard, rough, and explosive.

Romance was soft, tender, and weakening.

So for the life of him, Bakugou could not understand why on god you were consuming his thoughts. Why did you have him wrapped around your fingers despite you only being his best friend? What the hell was wrong with him?!

Bakugou stared at you from the distance, his eyes were warm, his face soft, and the book in his hands long forgotten.

You were a force, this overwhelming energy that he could not figure out.

You weren’t like Kirishima who gained his friendship through mutual respect and trust in each other’s strengths. You weren’t like Sero or Mina who he came to see as friends after he used them for their quirks two years ago. You weren’t like Kaminari who he saw as a friend because Kirishima came as this unknown package deal.

You were soft, tender, and in no way were you weak, but Bakugou couldn’t think of any other word to describe you but weak.

It made no sense as to how you two became friends. The two of you had spoken once! Then you landed a punch on his jaw so strong that he needed to go to Recovery Girl and you cried for hours afterward. Bakugou thought it was dumb that you were apologizing so he yelled at you for being stupid. Seconds later you two were friends.

“Bakasuki, it’s way past your bedtime!” You screamed as you looked up from your phone. Your eyes red with tiredness and irritation still shone as you made eye contact. The impressed grin on your face as strong as if it was midday. “It’s midnight?!”

Bakugou felt his face cement over again. It was an involuntary action as you rambled off about how the big softie Bakugou Katsuki was awake at 'crackhead' hours. As you got up and walked over to Bakugou, he felt his hardened features melt as you took a stance in front of him.

“I bet you’re staying up because of me, come on, admit that you like me.”

Your words are teasing of course, yet Bakugou’s heart clenches at the truth of your words. Bakugou one year ago had begun staying awake past nine because of you. You were always active at night! You told new stories that Bakugou wanted to hear at a late hour, and Bakugou soon found himself staying up.

Ten at night turned to eleven, eleven became twelve, and then Bakugou was up until two in the morning because of you. He never complained about it, and he never dared to tell you or anyone about it. Bakugou took every teasing you gave, and you teased him about him staying up every night even if it was a year later.

“Trust me, if I was staying up because of you I would fucking hate myself,” Bakugou lies as you laugh. “Don’t think you’re fucking special because I tolerate you.”

His words were harsh to the average ear, but to the trained ear, to your ear, it was as if he nudged you playfully.

“Sure you old grump,” you wink as you stick out your hand. “Iida said it’s my turn with the Disney+, wanna go watch with me?”

“As long as you don’t make me watch something fucking horrible,” Bakugou grunts as he takes your hand.

He would watch the sappiest of movies and the weirdest of shows if it meant that you’d snuggle into his side. His favorite memories have you at his left. These memories also included you between his legs as you laughed hysterically at the horrible and childish jokes. It also didn’t matter how many times you watched the same movie, you always ramble as if it was your first time viewing it.

“I’m thinking Lilo and Stitch,” you let him into your thoughts as you begin walking towards the staircase. His hand is still locked with yours. “I think I can be Lilo, and you can be Stitch! You two have very similar personalities!”

“Like hell I’m anything like that fucking animal!”

“I didn’t even need to goad you into a reaction!”

“Shut up dumbass…”

“If I ever stopped talking to you, you would go insane! So careful what you wish for!”

“I wish you would shut up…”

Bakugou watched as your lips pressed flat together. A faux annoyed expression on your face and you dropped his hand.

It may have embarrassed Bakugou to admit what he did next, but it took him five seconds to crack under your cold shoulder. He threw you over his shoulder as he walked to your room. Your squealing exclamations were loud as he held your lower thigh.

“See I told you--”

“Shut the fuck up, shitty woman!”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Your loud groan rang in Bakugou’s ears and his eyebrow twitched as he once again looked at your slumped figure. It was the second to last set of finals you guys would be taking as hero students. Three years later, you were nearing the final countdown to graduation! But that meant finals.

Bakugou had managed to stay within the top three of his class all three years. So he felt decent in where he was in class ranking right now. He has ranked third right now after all, but you ranked fifteenth. A feat that he had zero idea about how it came to be considering how smart you were. You had a sharp mind, a witty sense of humor, and a deadly tongue! Yet you were barely outperforming the rest of his idiot friends. You were one of the few people who could beat him in a verbal challenge! But when it came to pencil and paper tests, you stumbled hard.

“Would you stop fucking groaning?! You’re not getting anything done except getting on my goddamn nerves!”

“WELL!” You immediately yelled back, your nose stuck to the sky as you tossed your pencil away. “I don’t know actually! I screamed well because I live for the dramatics!" Bakugou groaned as you laugh. "Okay, but this all makes sense to me now! It's... I’ve realized I become an idiot whenever I try doing it on the exams.”

“It’s because you are an idiot.”

“Wow, thanks,” you complain as you slam your forehead against your math textbook. You shot back up gasping loudly. “OH SHIT! Bakugou you solved all my problems! This entire time I’ve been an idiot! I’ll tell Deku to give me some smart people juice tomorrow morning, obviously, I’ve been sipping the idiot juice.”

“Hah? Fucking hell -- do you ever shut up and wait for me to finish what I’m saying?!”

“Bakasuki, there was a period at the end of that sentence! Or let me guess what you’d say next!”

“Don’t fucking guess--”

“‘Oi, shitty woman, I’m Baku-hoe Kat-sucky, and you better get your head outta your asshole! Maybe if you weren’t always on your goddamn phone you wouldn’t be failing’!” Your voice had lowered multiple octaves to the point where you sounded like you smoked every day. Bakugou watched as your face contorted into a mock scowl, your nose stuck into the air as your arms folded across your chest. “‘I’m the alpha nerd here, so you have to fucking listen to me, you damn fucking nerd ass shitty woman!’”

Bakugou remained silent as you erupted in giggles, your eyes beaming with joy as you looked at him.

“I don’t fucking cuss, shitty woman,” Bakugou retorted. He knew it was a lie but the way your eyes expanded four times their size and how you pressed your face into his shoulder was worth the lie.

“You don’t cuss?! Wow, suddenly my name isn’t y/n!”

“Hm, well I was going to point out that you probably have some form of testing anxiety, but since you’re Miss. Fucking-Know-It-All…”

“There’s no way I’m eighteen and don’t know that about me!”

“Well, you didn’t fucking know you loved chocolate caramels until this last month either.”

This launched you into another tangent. Your conversation skills always gave Bakugou whiplash! You talked about everything you could and right now it was about what you loved. It should have annoyed Bakugou, he knew that! But while you rambled about how you loved seeing oversized dogs in bags, he realized that he loved knowing more about you.

How he would kill for the chance to pull you close, he knew that if he did you would hug him without a blink of an eye. Bakugou knew if he attempted to feel your warmth you’d overwhelm him forever and he wasn’t sure if that was something he wanted. Did he want you? Did he actually love you or was it just the chemistry in his brain is dumb. He wasn’t sure what he wanted as you showcased your favorite pencil.

“Do you have something you love, ‘suki?”

You.

“No, I don’t fucking love anything. The hell is love good for?”

“Don’t you worry about what people think about you when you can’t answer a question on something you love?”

The only opinion he cares about is yours.

“They don’t need to fucking care about what I love, how the hell does that make me a reliable pro hero?! Gossip and tabloids and interviews are bullshit. How is me smiling and being nice in front of a camera going to prove anything?”

Bakugou’s eyes widened as you wrapped your arms around him drawing him into a tight embrace. His eyes blinked rapidly as he felt frozen. His hands are frozen at his side as you pressed into him. You were making him dizzy. His heart pounded so loudly in his ears that he feared you could hear it as you pressed your lips to his ear.

“Sometimes you just have to hug people, let them know that you’re not letting go. Being kind and offering a hand, even if it kills your feral vibes, gives them a reason to love you and trust them. Trust is important, you know that, dummy. Hugging them is a small promise of not letting go.”

His breathing stilled as you pulled away. Your hair fell in your face and you sucked everything out of him as you smiled softly. But who would Bakugou Katsuki be if he didn’t have something back to say?

“I’m not fucking hugging any of those damn extras out there!”

“It was a FIGURE OF SPEECH, BAKAGOU!”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

“Rise and shine, grumpy old man!” Your voice rang as bright sunshine shone through Bakugou’s room.

“Fucking hell, y/n! Shut my goddamn shutters!”

“It is past noon, and I am here to make sure you are in fact alive!”

“Shitty woman, please close the damn shutters… I got in three hours ago and I want to fucking sleep in.”

The shutters closed immediately and guilt hung heavy in your voice as you said, “Wait you got in at nine?! You got called out of class early, too!”

Bakugou who had been sitting up now, glowering at your form fell back onto his mattress without a word. Unfortunately, it seemed that you weren’t quite done with him.

“Why the hell are you still in my room?”

“...can I nap with you?”

“Hah?”

“I was out from five in the morning until a few minutes ago! I just… want to cuddle, but if you don’t want to that’s totally cool!”

“You’re so goddamn annoying,” he nearly growls. It wasn’t necessarily directed at you, but instead himself. He was going to let you obviously, but how much longer could he do this uncaring act? How he hadn’t just slammed your oblivious ass against a door to kiss the soul out of you was beyond him. “Get in.”

A loud squeal emitted from your throat as Bakugou felt your figure snuggling into his chest. Your body was cold against his, and he resisted the urge to shiver as you wrapped his arm around you.

“I never fucking said you were allowed to cuddle.”

“Oh please, you were going to latch onto me at some point, might as well do it now instead of waking up to it and freaking out.”

“You’re fucking annoying.”

“Shh, I’m trying to nap.”

Bakugou snorted but nonetheless brought you in closer as he too closed his eyes. He ended up falling asleep with you in his arms. It wasn’t until he woke up did he realize that today was to be your friend's date. Something you had been persistent in having. But as you too woke up at half-past seven p.m., the both of you agreed that the nap was way better than going out.

That is until Kaminari sent a picture of Bakugou and you cuddling to the group chat. But then again, Bakugou may or may not have saved it as his home screen.

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

4:48 a.m.

Bakugou’s eyes focused on the neon red numbers that illuminated across his bed. His alarm was positioned as such so he would be forced to get up to turn it off in the morning.

His heartbeat was pounding in his ears as everything turned blurry.

4:49 a.m.

His eyes closed and he was suddenly back in Kamino two years ago.

His body felt dirty, sticky, unclean.

His mouth tainted with the taste of copper. His teeth gritting together as he saw All Might fighting in front of him.

It was hard to fight with his sweat-soaked and stiff clothes. All he knew was those bastards turned from wanting to convert him to wanting him dead. He remembers stumbling and seeing your frantic eyes in the corner of his vision. He didn't know you well back then, so it confused him, at least before a yell from Kirishima took his attention away.

It was the first actual memory he had of you, and yet it intertwined with his memory of All Might’s downfall. A downfall that could have been prevented if he had just been fucking better. If he had been a better hero maybe he wouldn’t have been caught. If he had been a better person maybe he would never have been targeted in the first place. It didn’t matter how many different ways he ran through his memories, it always ended up being his fault.

The fight with Deku had helped relieve the surface tension. All Might saying it wasn’t his fault barely made an impact on the guilt demon that ate away at his inner thoughts.

Simply told, tonight was a bad night. Nothing he did could drive away the guilt demon.

You were the one who made him strong but you were out on a mission for your hero work. You were being a hero to people who needed you, yet Bakugou wanted you to be his hero right now…

His anxiety crawled down his spine. His mind swimming back to the image of All Might's defeated form, and it kept reeling in his mind. His palms sweated profusely, but at this point, he had no idea if it was from his anxiety or from his quirk.

It burned to breathe and he wanted to go for a run, but he knew he shouldn’t. So he stood up out of bed choosing to walk down to the kitchen.

4:57 a.m., the clock read as the door shut behind him.

He felt dizzy as he walked down the hallway, his heart racing as he went down the staircase.

The lights were on and it made his eyes hurt as he opened the door for the ground floor.

“‘Suki?” A tired voice whispered as Bakugou stared up.

It was you.

Your uniform looked rumpled and dirty. Your tie wasn’t done and your hair was a mess as you yawn, your hand rubbing your eye as you waved at him. Bakugou saw the bandage on your neck and cheek and he pointed at them.

“Some dumbass with a--” you stifle a yawn as you shake your head. “Fucking vampire quirk! If he bit you, and consumed your blood, you would be entranced with him! Can you believe that!”

Bakugou snorted as you showed him the bruised mark on your neck.

“Thing is, he doesn’t have fangs, his teeth were super dull, so now I look like I had sex!”

“Can’t have people thinking that huh?”

“Nah... now, you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

Bakugou knew better than to lie to you, but he couldn’t help it, you needed to sleep.

“Nothing, I needed water.”

“I’m sure you are,” you nod your head as you adjust your backpack. “But that doesn’t explain why there’s tears in your eyes and on your cheeks.”

His eyes widened as he felt the wet stains on his face, he was indeed crying.

“I don’t really wanna talk about it,” he grumbled as his hands shoved into his sweats.

“That’s okay,” you smile as you take a few steps forward. “Can I give you a hug?”

It takes everything in him not to scream at you to hug him, so instead, he turns his head and nods curtly. Your arms are wrapped around him immediately as he feels himself shrinking into your hold. You were safe, you were warm, and you made him weak.

It was at that moment that Bakugou Katsuki noticed that he completely and utterly was in love with you.

As he went through these thoughts you grabbed his hand and led him upstairs, “I’ll get you your water, but you need to rest.”

“Shitty woman, I can take care of myself,” Bakugou breathed as he didn’t resist you taking him to his room. “Besides we have class tomorrow, you need more sleep than I do.”

He watches as you shrug as you open his room door.

“Maybe so, but I’m a Hero and you’re someone in need of a savior!” you chirped as your lips pressed softly onto his cheek as you sat him in bed. “I’ll be right back, lay down please!”

He nodded dumbly as you left, his cheeks burning as the door closed.

It felt like no time had passed as you soon returned with a cup of water, “Now drink! Crying is good for the soul, but it dehydrates you so much.”

“Tch, idiot, don’t say that like you cry all the time,” Bakugou grumbles as he chugs the water down.

Your fingers take the glass from him and place it onto the desk, your shoulders bouncing as you sigh one last time. “Well, I should go to bed, I may not need beauty sleep, but even three hours of sleep can make me ugly.”

“Sleep here,” Bakugou found himself mumbling as you were by the door. “You can take a shirt, I just… please, just fucking sleep here with me?”

Bakugou expected teasing, he expected you to laugh it off and say he was dumb and crazy. What he didn’t expect was for you to grab his skull t-shirt and strip your clothes off in his bathroom.

He stilled as you crawled into bed with him, your body curling into his as you held him near.

“Goodnight, ‘suki,” you whispered.

His arms wrapped tightly around you, a sharp intake of air went through your nose.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you, y/n.”

“You’re welcome…”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

You smile while wiping away tears that formed in your eyes.

Tears streamed uncontrollably down your face as you taped up the last box with writing that read: Y/N PICTURES.

It was moving out day, you had done it, you graduated.

“Y/l/n-chan!! Stop crying and c-come take a p-p-picture with us!” Mina wailed as she too was crying uncontrollably.

The common room was fill of every one of your classmates, tears were in everyone's eyes as boxes scattered near the entrance. It was over. Three years of heaven and hell were gone and even though everyone would still be seeing everyone again (you all were working in the same general areas after all), tears wouldn’t stop.

Multiple times you brushed away tears as twenty-one of you stood for class pictures.

Class pictures became friend group pictures, friend group pictures became trios and duo pictures.

Everyone was crying and everyone was laughing too. It was as if you were never going to see anyone again and the tears wouldn’t stop.

I love you’s were exchanged, promises of not forgetting who each other were as you would all become stars, and plans on monthly meetups because you were family. It was too much, it was too sentimental, and you were ready to leave.

“I hate to do this to you all, but it’s time to go,” Aizawa lulled over the roar of your classes chatter.

For the first time, his words were useless as you all took a photo with him, much to your homeroom teachers' secret enjoyment.

But now it was time to go.

You gave a one-armed hug to Mineta as he bounded out of the door. He had somewhat had drunk respect-women juice and was now tolerable. But the nightmares forever remained.

Then Koda, Aoyama, Shoji, Ojiro, Tokoyami, and Sato were done swiftly yet deeply. They all said kind words and promises to keep in touch as they left.

Then it was Iida, Todoroki, and Midoriya. The group of boys embraced you tightly as Iida told you and Midoriya to stop crying. It only strengthening your tears as Todoroki patted your back softly.

Then it was Mina, Momo, Jirou, Tsu, Uraraka, and Hagakure. The girl group and the reason why this class felt like family so quickly made you cry harder as you all lost it. Hugs were tight, hugs lasted minutes long as you all shouted over each other. This was not goodbye, just a see you later.

Sero, Kaminari, Kirishima, Mina, and Jirou once again met you for a tight embrace. The dubbed Bakusquad because Bakugou was the loudest one in the group, but you all knew that if the group never held Kirishima it would never work. Bakusquad was truly Kirisquad and you excitedly talked about how you were all going to karaoke on Sunday.

A gentle cough broke you from Sero’s embrace and you turned to the last person who you hadn’t hugged yet.

Bakugou didn’t look at you as he sighed, his shoulder slumping as he looked at you. Your lips quirked as your heart raced at his red-tinged eyes, he had cried too.

“We’ll see you guys later!” Kaminari yelled as the boxes in the now empty common room belonged to you.

“We’re still on for tonight?” Bakugou asked as his finger brushed the wet trails that stained your cheeks.

“Have I ever ditched you or stood you up?”

“You could have made plans in your crying hysteria, it’s been done before.”

His words are teasing and you laugh as you launch yourself into his arms. Your arms wrap around his neck as his rest around your waist.

“I don’t know why you weren’t interested in having a spa day with the girls!” You teased as you bit your lower lip.

“Too much gossip about dicks,” Bakugou rolled his eyes as he squeezed you tightly.

“It’s a good thing you didn’t go, I wouldn’t have wanted you to see me talking about my dick of a boyfriend,” you whisper as his eyes shine brilliantly.

“Hah? You’re really gonna fucking--”

Bakugou never got to finish that sentence as your lips pressed against his and his mind went weak as he kissed you back.

You were the undoing of Bakugou Katsuki.

You made him weak, yet he’s never felt stronger.

#bakugou x reader #bakugou imagine #bakugou katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #bakugou fluff #bnha writing blog #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha bakugou #mha #mha x reader #mha imagines #mha bakugou

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softrenjunnie · 4 years

Text

“we can’t do this” kisses

pairing: slytherin!chenle x gryffindor!reader

genre: fluff, slight angst?? idk tbh, harry potter!au

warnings: none, maybe a swearword somewhere

wordcount: 1.6k

message: thank you for all of the love on my “collection” posts, aswell as everything else i’ve posted. i really really appreciate it and it means a lot to me. i honestly dont know about this one, i had a good thought but then... idk what the end is. anywayssss i hope you enjoy? feedback is always gladly accepted but pls be easy on me about this one lmao :// also you dont even wanna know how many times i typen cnehle instead of chenle, ive seen that video too many times.... second also; sorry for being so slow w my updates, ive been having less time and inspiration to write recently... :( third also: not spellchecked aaaah gonna try to do that tomorrow but im too tired rn :/

21 kisses masterlist l Full masterlist

Many months had passed since you last spoke to Chenle. Heck, if it hadn’t been for the fact that you were seated next to him in muggle studies (because the seats were fixed and you had decided on the first day of classes that you wanted to sit together), you wouldn’t even have been near him.

You’re a Gryffindor, Chenle is a Slytherin. Your mother is an auror and your father works for the Minister for Magic, while both Chenle’s parents were known death eaters. Or, well, they weren’t known when you started dating him, and if they had been back then you wouldn’t have gotten yourself involved with him.

Your parents had met Chenle several times, and they were always supportive of your relationship. But you wished you could say that they had been equally as supportive after it was discovered that his parents were death eaters. Your mother had sent you a letter the day they found out, and when you didn’t respond, your father traveled all the way to Hogwarts to talk to you in person and ban you from ever speaking to Chenle again, by threatening to take you out of hogwarts if you didn’t follow his orders. They had even made sure your friends and most of your teachers knew you weren’t supposed to meet him, so they would drag you away from him if you even as much as tried to talk to him.

But that didn’t mean that you weren’t looking at him. Or talking about him. Or thinking about him. That didn’t mean that you didn’t know exactly where he was at 99% of the time or that you didn’t know what was happening in his life. And it most certainly didn’t mean that you didn’t love him. Because you did. You couldn’t just shut off your feelings, no matter what your parents wanted.

Many parents had sent in threatening letters to the headmaster, telling him to expel Chenle because his behavior could inspire other students to learn about dark magic. But the headmaster always responded by saying that there would be no punishment for anyone based on what their parents had done, because children don’t necessarily take after their parents. And you were so thankful for that - because he was completely right. Chenle was not at all like that. He had been distancing himself from his parents as much as he could since the moment he found out about them over seven years ago; he’d even left them to live with his grandmother instead. You just wished your parents understood that.

You often found yourself looking down the hallway in the dungeon when you had finished potions class, hoping to see Chenle strutting to or from his common room with his friends. Or thinking of him when his favorite dish was sitting right in front of you at dinner, making you throw a glance over at his usual spot by the slytherin table to make sure he was digging into it as usual.

Except, one day, he wasn’t at dinner. You didn’t stop looking when you couln’t see him in his usual seat; you searched the entire slytherin table from your place across the room with your eyes, in case he’d decided to get a new seat; and then you searched the rest of the great hall in case he was talking to a teacher or someone from another house. But there was no Chenle. You thought it was very strange, as he never missed a meal - so you excused yourself from your seat and instead walked over to the slytherin table. By the end of it sat the people who you recognized as Chenle’s best friends, Renjun and Jisung, two full blood slytherins whose parents were speculated to be working with Chenle’s. They didn’t look too happy to see you.

“What are you doing here?” Jisung sneered at you once you came close enough to hear.

“I’m just wondering if you know where Chenle is,” you said, voice much calmer than the one that spoke before you.

“Why do you care,” Renjun spat right after swallowing down a piece of chicken. “You’ve made it pretty clear you don’t want anything to do with him anymore.”

“Oh, and you are mad about that?” Even though you had tried to remain calm, you could feel the anger boiling inside of you.

“Yes, Chenle is-“

He had barely just started talking when you cut him off. “You think you’re mad? There are people who are suffering way more from this than you, you idiot. Try to get that thought through your small brain. Maybe the person who’s been ignored, or maybe the person who’s going to be kicked out of hogwarts if she is seen speaking to Chenle.” You hadn’t been able to hold back - but it felt good. When you were done with your mini-rant, you straightened your posture again and looked at the boys with calmer eyes. They seemed surprised, and possibly a bit scared, and Jisung had dropped his fork from his mouth to his plate with a loud thud when you started. “So, I would really appreciate it if you could tell me where Chenle is at.”

Even though they were frightened of what Chenle had threatened them with doing if they spoke about his whereabouts, they told you about how Chenle had said that he wasn’t feeling like having lunch and was probably sitting in the library to study for his exam the next day. Forgetting all about your friends back at your table (and the risk of them seeing you by the slytherin table and connecting the dots), you hurried out of the great hall and made your way down the hallway towards the library.

Your mind was blank, you didn’t know at all what to say to Chenle if you even found him. Yet there was something telling you to go; something inside of you forcing you find him. He had his favorite spot in the library, by one of the windows deep inside, so when you finally made it into the library, you knew exactly where to look. And sure enough, staring into his history of magic book, he sat by the same table as he always did. He hadn’t heard you as your last few steps had been soft, so you faked a quiet cough to get his attention.

“What are you doing here?”

You sighed at the tone in his voice - you had been a bit surprised before you reminded yourself that you shouldn’t have expected anything. Instead of answering his question, you asked him one. “Why weren’t you at dinner?”

He put his book down and stood up, frowning at you. “Did you seriously come here just to ask me why I didn’t have dinner?”

You shrugged and looked down at your feet, suddenly feeling shy. “Yeah,” you mumbled.

“Okay, so,” he started, pacing slowly towards you. “you don’t speak to me for weeks, maybe even months, and then you come all the way to the library to ask why I didn’t have dinner?” You looked up from the ground to see him staring right into your eyes. “Not really that believeable.”

You didn’t know what to say. The day you had been banned from speaking to him, you had walked straight up to him to tell him that you wanted to break up with him. That’s it. No explanation, not giving him any chance to talk to you. And you hated it, but you weren’t sure how to make it better.

“Shit, Chenle, I’m sorry. I really am,” you sighed, holding back the tears that were threatening to fall from your eyes at any moment now from seeing how angry he was. He had never before looked at you with such flames in his eyes as he was right now. “I... I don’t know what to do to make you understand-“

He cut you off, his tone piercingly sharp. “Just tell me. Tell me the truth.” You blinked a couple of times, hoping that it would help push the water in your eyes back. “Is it because of my parents that you act like I suddenly don’t exist?”

“Yes but-“

And again, he didn’t let you speak. “I though you knew me. I thought you saw me for who I am, not for who my parents are.”

You couldn’t hold back. You stepped towards him, cupping his face in your hands and scanned his eyes for any sign of doubt (except for his continuedly frowned eyebrows). It was like a magnetic force pulled you to him, that pulled your mouth to his. You could instantly feel how much you’d missed this feeling, even though it was barely just a brush.

Chenle pulled away almost the exact moment you’d launched forward, and though his expression was hard to read, it told you that he wasn’t angry at you. He let out a shaky breath, as he dropped his head to let his forehead rest on your shoulder. “We can’t do this...” he mumbled, his arms snaking around your lower back to hold you close.

You held him around his shoulders, leaning your head on top of yours. “I’m so sorry, Chenle. I’m going to find a way to fix this,” you mumbled. “My parents... they made sure I didn’t talk to you. I’ll do something to make this right.”

“But before that, can you just hold me?”

You might have ignored him for such a long time, but that didn’t mean that you had stopped loving him. Nor that you weren’t ready to fight for your relationship.

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princesskuragina · 3 years

Note

Not prev ib anon, but I finished IB last year, and you probably don’t need to stress about the History IA. The IB is very good at making you master the writing technique. I’m in first year bachelors and got Bs on all my exams despite not having opened a single book before the exams started bc I stuck to what I learnt in the IB. Remember to take a break when you’re finished, you’ll definitely deserve it.

Thanks! There's a chance we won't get to test this year and our grades will be based entirely on our IAs so the pressure is rly on lmao but I'm starting to think I might actually pull this paper off so. Fake it till u make it boys

#i did not start this paper until today. it's due on Monday #i had already done some research but like. y'all why do i do this to myself #ib #asks

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purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1143

survey by brock-checkitout

Do you like cheese? Yeah but not to an obsessive extent like most people on the internet seem to be. I have a lower tolerance when it comes to cheeses with stronger or more pungent flavors, and I like sticking to those on the creamy side, like feta and burrata.

What type of shampoo do you use? Dove.

Do turtles make you happy? I mean not as much as dogs would but they are animals, so encountering one would still make me giddy and happy :)))

Name one person who snores in their sleep. Both of my parents, which is why I used to dread whenever we’d book a trip and there’s only one main room available for the 5 of us.

Would you walk around a grocery store with a bra as glasses? Sure, if I was gonna do it for like a cause or something. Or if I got paid for it. I can’t imagine why I’d ever have to casually/randomly do it. Also how would that even work, if it actually had to work as glasses???

Can you do the HoeDown ThrowDown? That movie came out when we were in the midst of moving houses and everything was super hectic in my little 10 year old life, so I never got to wach it, actually. I missed out on the whole Hoedown Throwdown craze and I distinctly remember jealously watching over my classmates as they danced it together.

Do you like Hershey's Chocolate bars? Just the cookies and cream variant.

What smiley face do you use the most? :) I very rarely use others.

What type of cell phone do you have? I have an iPhone 8.

Do you listen to rap? Not so much. For the most part, I stick to my tried and tested albums, like Jay-Z and Kanye’s Watch the Throne.

Look at something green, does it have batteries in it? That would be a nearby alcohol bottle, and no, it does not need batteries.

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when I say: PRINTER? Ink and paper.

What is the last cuss word you said out loud? Not so sure, but since I commonly say shit and fuck they could serve as safe enough guesses.

Do you like cows? Sure.

What kind of car does your mother drive? These days we split ‘my’ car between us since we sold our third car, which used to be the one she’d usually drive. The new arrangement used to bug me at first because it meant I now had to notify my mom in advance whenever I planned to drive out, but I’ve since gotten used to the setup.

What do you get in your tacos? I don’t eat tacos. Not that I dislike them; there are just many other Mexican dishes I find more filling.

What is your opinion on blueberries? As a flavor, it’s fine. But I actually tried an actual blueberry for the very first time last week when my aunt sent over a blueberry cheesecake - I really wanted to give it a chance, but I still found it nasty :( I really don’t know why I hate fruits so much lmao.

Are you currently wearing lip gloss/chap stick? Nopes.

Is there a bottle of lotion near you? There isn’t.

Name one person that you know that smokes. Sam smokes superexcessively. Like I’ve completely forgotten how much she can smoke in an evening until I hung out with her again a few weeks ago. It was half impressive and half terrifying; and my clothes ended up smelling because of it.

What's your favorite season? We don’t have the usual four seasons, but based on what I’ve seen in media, spring and winter look and feel the most pleasant to me.

Are any of your friends vegetarians? No.

What is one phrase that you hate hearing? “All lives matter” really pisses me off.

Can you name four presidents right now? Rodrigo Duterte, Ramon Magsaysay, Fidel Ramos, Diosdado Macapagal. But because I’m guessing this meant American presidents...George W. Bush, John F. Kennedy, Andrew Jackson, Harry Truman.

What is the first thing you think of when I say: HOOD? A jacket.

Do you currently own a cat? Nope.

What do you think of Ulta? I think of the fact that I’ve never heard of that before and I don’t actually know what this is referring to.

Have you ever walked into a club and asked for a Coke? No.

Do you like classical music? Sure, some.

What is your opinion on Oreos? I had the biscuits like a billion times as a kid to the point that I got sick of them. I will always pick the Oreo flavor in other desserts though, be it cheesecake, cupcake, cookies, milkshakes, tc.

Do you like Chips-Ahoy? No, tastes too artificial/processed. I’ll always go for freshly-baked cookies.

What did ya think of this survey? It was fine. I *think* I haven’t taken this before either, so that’s a plus lol.

survey by carolynnnnonia

1. What time did you wake up this morning? Around 6:30ish.

2. When did you take your default picture? It’s not a photo of me, it’s a still from BoJack Horseman. Years ago I saw someone on Twitter use it as a default and I found it hilarious, so I decided to do the same thing for this blog.

3. Are you hungry? Mmm not so much right now actually. I had a midnight snack that I only got to finish by like 2 AM so I still feel pretty filled.

4. Have you ever cheated on a test? Yup but just once. When I ended up perfecting the exam I cheated on, I felt like a fraud and I’ve never cheated since. I’d rather get an honest 99 than get a 100 that I’m ashamed of, lol.

5. When was the last time you ate ice cream? I think it had been last week when we had a cookies and cream tub in the fridge.

6. What computer game is in your CPU? I don’t play PC games and it’s been a hoooooot minute since I’ve seen a CPU.

7. Do you like Audrey Hepburn? You’ve come to the right person :))) Yup, obsessed. Have watched her entire filmography except for the ones that are impossible to find DVDs of or online.

8. What color is your winter jacket?

9. Do you have any siblings? Yup.

10. Would you call yourself skinny? Not anymore. I’ve filled up a bit over the last few years but I’m still usually seen as thin. I was a lot skinnier in my teens.

11. Does your phone take pictures? Yes, 2008 survey, it does.

12. Who is your favorite neighbor? They’re not really neighbors, but the construction workers who are currently working on a new house from across ours are crazy over Cooper and love to greet him and give him a few pats when I take him out. My actual neighbors are rather quiet and we tend to keep to ourselves.

13. Do you wish at 11:11? No.

14. Have you ever gotten a detention? We don’t have detention here.

15. Do you still watch Disney Channel? Nah, we took out our cable last year because no one was using it anymore. And I doubt there’s anything watchable on Disney Channel for a twentysomething?? Lmao I usually stick to the shows and movies I grew up with, so.

16. Who did you last IM? Angela.

17. Who is your least favorite teacher? Whoever hated me for no reason in middle and high school. Then in college, I had to power through a misogynist, sexist, delusional Duterte-supporting professor for an entire semester as well.

18. What were you doing six hours ago? I was winding down and watching Good Mythical Morning videos to eventually doze off.

19. What is your ringtone? Just the default iPhone ones.

20. Does your door have a dead bolt on it? I had to look this up haha but yeah.

21. Have you ever been to a show? Like, a live shooting of a show? Hmm....I don’t remember ever going to one yet. I remember being invited to one because they needed seat fillers, but I had school at the time and was never available on the day of the shoot.

22. What are some details about your first kiss? Innocent, pure. Even though that person ended up disappointing me, I don’t regret having my first kiss with them.

23. What college do you want to attend/currently attend? I went to UP.

24. Have you had any soda today? No and I most likely won’t.

25. What is your favorite scary movie? Carrie, The Shining, and Evil Dead are some good ones.

26. Do you own a Wii? We used to and it was a big part of my late childhood to my early teens. We had thrown it out years ago, though, because it stopped working.

27. Did you wear shorts today? I currently am wearing shorts, yeah, and I plan on wearing shorts for the rest of the day.

28. Anything fun happening this weekend? There’s an official Kim Seonho fanmeet happening tonight on Facebook and I’m so excited for it lmaaaaaaoooo

29. What shoes did you wear today? One of my sneakers.

30. What is your favorite type of Pop Tart? We only get 5 flavors here in the Philippines, but my favorite is the chocolate fudge one.

31. Do you subscribe to any magazines? Nope.

32. What was the last television show you watched? I didn’t watch it on TV, but I watched a few clips from this show called Caught in Providence on Facebook. I have such a soft spot for that show.

33. Do you know any other languages? If I’m not speaking in English, I use Filipino, yes.

34. Are you wearing anything green? No.

#survey #surveys

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pochapal · 3 years

Note

rank every year of the 2010s from best to worst i want some pochapal lore

[warning for discussion of my fucked up mental health and my myriad traumas. we’re really opening the pandora’s box here gang]

ok time for me to overshare on the internet again! super long post because i can’t shut up and you asked for it. anyway, by objective ranking:

#1: 2012 - halcyon era, my personal peak. spent the whole year writing hunger games oc fics with my deviantart fanfiction besties whom i still think about all the time and always hope are having the best possible day. if you were here for this era understand i still hold you so closely and dearly in my heart <3.

#2: 2013 - god i was such a good example of a human being back then. was the year my writing like actually took off and i had a healthy balance between creative stuff and a social life (said social life consisting of spending lunchtimes at school breaking into classrooms and discussing fandom shit with five other people. reading homestuck updates in the music room on one person’s really shaky mobile data...legendary). highlight of the year and maybe my life was in the april of 2013 when i got out of failing to submit a hard deadline essay by telling my english teacher i wrote a whole novel over the two week break and then producing said novel. god i wish i had that level of like. fucking confidence back me back then knew what i wanted and how to get it.

#3: 2010 - the last year of childhood. i was 12 and played pokemon all the time with my friends and went places and had a moderately successful youtube channel and it didn’t matter that i was bullied so badly at school because i was basically high off life. summer of 2010 was so good specifically. i’d used to get the bus with a friend and go see movies and break into historical sites and get into normal childhood mayhem and maxed out my pokewalkers twice a month and i was buzzed because i had two (2) whole friendship groups to choose from and that was such a huge deal to me the terminal social outcast. it was so simple and carefree and even though everything and everyone involved in this era grew up to suck except for one specific person i kinda really miss it.

#4: 2018 - this was the first year i wasn’t depressed to the point of nonfunctioning. it was 20gayteen, i was on antidepressants, i was as close to thriving as i got at uni (going into town with people once a week, attending art and culture events, getting good grades across the board), i started to write for fun again, i got my cat whom i love dearly, i was exhibited in my uni’s city’s literature festival, GOD i actually nearly attended a pride event that year can you imagine. this year was basically my life’s second peak. miss getting the 8am train and daintily sipping on a cherry coke to keep me from passing out. wish this time could have lasted longer.

#5: 2019 - kinda absolute middle of the road year not for lack of anything happening but because the overwhelming amount of good and bad things cancelled each other out. so like there’s the fact that i was at the top of my uni game this year, was basically making the first steps into a professional writing career (covid i will never forgive you for killing all that dead </3), finally saved up enough to buy myself a gaming pc, and the summer after the homestuck epilogues, but equally 2019 was the start of the Pochapal Gender Fiasco which is by far the most horrible thing i am still currently undergoing and i burnt myself out mentally about halfway through the year (being stuck overnight in a hospital for a panic attack absolutely horrible horrible irredeemable) and then got like super death plague flu that i was sick with for three months (literally recovered less than a month before rona hit. god’s cruel karma.). so like...it kind of averaged out? the good shit was good but not as great as other years and the bad shit was awful but nowhere near as terrible as it could have been. gotta give a shoutout to 90% of my current mutual cohort for following me in 2019...omelette route gang make some noise !!

#6: 2014 - oof. this year essentially marked the start of a four year long downward mental health spiral because everything fell into awful alignment. i’d just turned 16, finished secondary school, had all my friends up and ditch me at once, was home alone for a whole summer, and was hit with Sudden Intense Body Image Issues that i couldn’t explain until uh. after very recent developments lmao. this one goes out to the me of july 2014 who did nothing but lay in bed and listen to the same two marina albums on a loop because fuck i’m attracted to men and also my facial and body hair are really starting to come in and if i think about this for too long i will literally kill myself because oh god i can’t handle getting older which is clearly and definitely the issue going on here. my brain fucking broke super hardcore and it’s a miracle that an overeating disorder was like the worst thing i walked away with.

#7: 2015 - downward spiral year two!! i was so volatile this year it was such a mess. i was totally socially isolated after a brief stint of falling in with a group of people at the start of my first year of sixth form until january where in quick succession a) it turned out every single one of these people was friends with the person who sexually assaulted me whom i obviously had a lot of complicated feelings towards and b) baby’s first crush came out as bisexual but in the “women and also trans women” kind of way which tore me up so terribly in ways i couldn’t begin to understand. no words for the experience of seeing a girl kiss a boy and crying so hard at night you threw up because you could never be her no matter how much you wanted it. actually kinda get the sense what was going on there was bigger than just some crush lmao. then after that i was so mentally ill i basically attended school less than half the time and it was the only year in my life i failed my exams. i ended up having to resit my entire set of first year a level exams because jesus christ was i in such a bad way it was a miracle i even showed up to them. all i did was either have anxiety attacks or enter bedbound depressive slumps for weeks at a time. but it’s okay because it gets worse.

#8: 2016 - downward spiral act iii: the spiralling. prefacing this by saying that i actually had two whole good months (april - may) in that i was functioning enough to do my exams and finish school with decent grades. the rest was super extra mega terrible. my school attendance for year 13 dipped below 65% and literally the only thing that kept me from being kicked out was the fact that i was naturally smart at the subjects i took and also because the school would have a lot to answer for after letting me get to that state despite having a hefty file on how damaged i was. keep in mind every single part of this was fully untreated btw - i was just floundering around and letting it all fester. i spent three solid weeks going to school but locking myself in the bathroom all day every day and having mental health episodes then going home like nothing else happened only to continue the breakdown that night. then things got kicked into fucked up overdrive when i moved out to uni and was cut off from what little support structures i did have. it was so bad all i did was cry all the time and never went anywhere to the point where three separate sources recommended me to the wellbeing and crisis counselling service that i stopped going to after two sessions because i was fucked up in ways cbt techniques could not even touch. at least i tried to make an effort for the first two months of uni which like. good for me?

#9: 2017 - what lieth at the base of the spiral. helltrench year. i was at literal rock bottom. i stopped going to class, i didn’t hand in a single piece of work. i lied to my parents and would book trains each day only to go back to my student flat and sit there and contemplate suicide. like i would just slump on the floor in a catatonic state and vividly contemplate one of four or so ways i could end my own life. i only didn’t because i wanted to wait until the summer to collect my last student loan and transfer it to my parents as an apology for my death which obviously didn’t end up happening. honestly i can’t remember much of the first half of 2017 that’s how bad it was. i remember taking a gender studies class and the teacher made it Weird that i was the Only Male Student in the room and then she sent me a scolding email after i walked out halfway through a class and never returned. apparently i got into a lot of online discourse in this year but i don’t remember anything other than being put on a blocklist by the milkfic author over ace discourse which is funny if you have the context. mostly i just baited terfs and weirdo freaks to get them to say horrible things to me as what i guess amounts to some kind of digital self harm. anyway breaking point came in late august when i got kicked out of university and then nobody could ignore it any more so there was no choice left but for me to seek out help and recover enough to function which luckily i did. i really Do Not remember 2017. you could tell me anything about that year and i’d probably believe you.

#10: 2011 - extra circle of hell for this little fucked up gem of a year. on the surface it wasn’t actually that terrible, until the Summer 2011 Domino Effect Of Bad Shit. up until like may/june it was a pretty all right year! i was 13 and had a surprisingly successful youtube channel uploading pokemon soundfont remixes to an audience of i think ~350-400 subscribers at my peak? anyway then i got hit with the early summer triple combo of childhood friends moving away, cute and quirky sexual assault at the hands of a person in my friend group, and then having some Really Great and Super Appropriate interactions with adults on deviantart. like obviously there’s the actual ptsd-inducing event which totally disrupted and killed the person i was right up until that moment and reshaped every facet of my life for better or worse (there’s an alternate timeline where that didn’t happen and i got into electronic music and/or coding instead) but really it’s the events that followed in its wake which were kind of more fucked up. so like all of a sudden i was super aware of my body and me growing my hair out and being mistaken for a girl in class suddenly became this Less Innocent thing and i ended up spending hours overnight going to transgender questioning forums and looking up hrt timeline videos and having the wikipedia article on tracheal shaving saved because it was a life raft to me whose voice was imminently gonna deepen and i was simultaneously reeling with constant trauma flashbacks and the whole thing was so so fucked up. then i was on deviantart and i don’t remember exactly how but a small group of furry guys ten to fifteen years older than me started messaging me and encouraging and requesting me to produce nonsexual fetish stuff for them and talking to me about stuff like if i’d ever thought about growing up to be gay and i didn’t think anything of it for a long while because they called me a very talented writer and it felt so good to have someone be nice to me after being so alone and isolated for months on end. anyway the only reason i got out of that before it got bad was because they invited me to one of the big furry sites and i was weirded out because i thought it was a porn site and thinking about sexual stuff was a huge trauma trigger so i just ended up blocking them all and pretending like it didn’t happen. at the time half this shit didn’t bother me but in retrospect holy fuck 2011 was such a damaging year. to think if like three events didn’t happen i wouldn’t be the fucked up mess you see before you today.

god fuck this turned out super long but i’m not apologising because this was a therapeutic exercise for me and also constitutes as one of the biggest pochapal lore dumps of all time. come get your food or whatever.

#Anonymous #long post #read all of this if you have vested interest in knowing intimate details about my life or whatever

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flamingostalker · 3 years

Text

I just finished my last day of clinic as a grad student. The next time I see a client, I’ll be a CF😌

I’m feeling Nostalgic, so I’m gonna list off some of the wildest shit that happened the last 2 years:

1.) Doing language screenings for the first time (day 3 of school) at an early head start with infants and toddlers under age 3 and playing with them and just being so so sure this was what I wanted to do (followed immediately after with “god maybe I should just quit” that afternoon😔)

2.) thot about quitting seriously every other week up until like 3 weeks ago lmao but here I am

3.) my entire family having COVID except me while taking my comprehensive exams. Then me having COVID during rewrites AND my oral. Absolutely wack

4.) having several clients or parents who gave me appreciation gifts🥰🥰🥰 made me feel v special

5.) having not one but two (2) final exams that were both 5 hours in length

6.) being forced to do many many horrid simulations: poverty, stuttering, dyslexia, ADHD, autism, etc. and just telling everyone I absolutely hated it

7.) having to pay $70 for the old ass ABA therapist’s box of bullshit toys and printed cards AND her book just to do her class (which was fuvking awful and not evidence based practice but that’s for another post)

8.) just fuvking Chilling with my besties at the student run conference our school does before the pandemic but being separated for it after :^( also having a cry because the presenter started talkin about how many of the conversation things I do are bad

9.) being both hit on and preached at by adult clients. I’m going to hell for not subscribing to the Christian bible but ur not going to hell for hitting on me when I can’t tell u to fuvk off okay. (They’re really sweet people with brain damage but sometimes the shit just irks u)

10.) learning that people generally like me and that I can do this. My supervisor my 2nd semester told me “you are smarter and more capable than you realize” and spring 2020 me started crying. I didn’t believe her and a teacher had never told me that. But I do believe her a little bit now and I think that’s pretty fuvkin sweet🥰

#personal #lmao this was a lot sorry #using the internet as my personal journal #anyways there’s probably a lot I’m forgetting but these stood out to me #loved it overall but glad I’m not doin shit anymore phew

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5hokage · 3 years

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i wanted to ask about your post with kunoichi? what do you mean about a baby boom? i think that is giving the text some excuse regarding treatment of kunoichi. the writing was not very fair.

post in question

oh i absolutely agree the writing was not fair, and has considerably dated naruto as far as being a consumable media now vs first release. it was a product of the late 90s, after all. and especially when you consider the apparent working conditions of mangaka, plus the influence of character popularity on development and publisher intervention, it’s no wonder it just didn’t seem to... have an even playing field. as i said in that post too, the series has always kind of been very tell not show, especially when it comes to reassuring readers that sakura, for instance, is incredibly strong and talented, but we don’t actually get to see it.

but in regards to a baby boom: we’re told (again), that during the third shinobi world war, konoha threw children barely out of the academy at trained shinobi. they were literally just putting bodies on the battlefield to have numbers. i mean, the war was not a good move on konoha’s behalf, as hiruzen stepped down after claims of being weak for not seeking reparations, orochimaru felt betrayed about being passed over for hokage, fugaku and the uchiha clan efforts were ultimately ignored inciting their plans to overthrow konoha, itachi was heavily traumatised, sasori left suna shortly after, ao stole the byakugan from a hyuga clan member, kakashi rose to prominence after receiving the sharingan, and well. jiraiya’s best efforts to help a fledgling akatsuki do some good turned sour after hanzo’s intervention.

more down below ⬇️

so like. how the hell did konoha still manage to have shinobi after, because we’re told (again) that the death toll was so high, i think it was this particular war that even ended with the average lifespan being drastically lowered to around 30 due to the sheer number of child deaths, plus post war trauma. and then following this war the year after, the nine tails was unleashed on konoha. they didn’t really catch much of a break between all of this. (also, take a shot every time konoha is absolutely totalled?)

and too, the idea ultimately that a lot of clans exist around preservation and survival, especially of their own jutsu. i kind of get for the sake of constantly drawing chapters a day, the families do appear small/one child to two parents, and any sort of branches are vaguely referenced to, but i kind of figure that the more prominent clans we’re introduced to would have more members. like the nara clan especially would have dozens of members. they have a whole forest to themselves, are heavily involved in politics of the shinobi government, as well as the medical side of things in konoha (they own a book detailing cures to any drawbacks from jutsu, such as the akimichi clan). shikamaru may be the clan head, but i would figure there are many other clan members.

which is why i kind of wondered about succession rights. it’s kind of implied i guess, or my takeaway was, that there was no real prominent ‘heir survival’ during the war. anyone who was able to fight, did. so either entire branches were shaved off clans, which you can also use as a basis of example of why there is only one present representative for the clans in naruto’s generation, it was more of a duty to continue the clan name that lead to some children being born, maybe there were succession fights following, or there was just a ‘well you survived so you earn the title’. kind of interesting too when comparing to the hyuga clan, who you would assume tightly regulated the byakugan (especially after hinata’s attempted kidnapping, and losing it to ao during the third war). in the hinted family scenes, they do seem to have a lot of family members. so either those are the remainders, since there is a generational gap (assumed via art lol) between neji and other side branch family members.

and like again, with the uchihas, not everyone was able to develop the sharingan. once someone did, their immediate family relations seemed to move up in prominence in the household. it is likely different again for bloodline based jutsu and release, yknow?

so in regards to kunoichi specifically, it wouldn’t surprise me if during naruto’s generation, how despite all these outward threats, they just wanted to kick off another baby boom in a few years time once they were all graduated and chuunin/jonin. especially when you factor in like, the last of the uchihas (assumed, at that time), and even if konoha’s older population had personal issues with them, they still valued kekkei genkai especially. and again, factor in one child per family, and how hiden jutsu are mostly passed on orally, they obviously want to keep their clan jutsu to themselves but to still have future generations...

i guess this also interlinks with the once existent concept of civilian government and the shinobi government. it kind of fades in and out, and we’re only really reminded of the daimyo and their power/influence when necessary, like during the chuunin exam arc, where they state the final showcase battles are to just prove that shinobi are worthwhile investments. gaara hiden also mentions how he specifically is seeking reparations for a post-fourth war, after defending the land of wind, and how the civilian government isn’t being generous. i know the movies aren’t all canon, but even like in the land of snow, they had such a small shinobi population that they ultimately had a civilian guided focus on technology development. so by boosting their population of potential shinobi, it would understandably mean they would also continue to have a reason to exist in the hidden villages. so encouraging rather traditional ways of attracting potential marriages... way to get that population boost kickstarted early.

even though it seemed that most of the shinobi we see who married just needed to get their asses handed to them by their future wives a couple of times lmao.

#naruto #*replies #*my post #this got long sry but yah #just some thoughts(tm)#Anonymous

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shibalen · 4 years

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haikyuu match up please ❤️ my mbti is ISTP (turbulent) and my zodiac sign is cancer(they’re both pretty accurate). Some hobbies I have are reading, sports, and playing video games. I enjoy coffee, a lot. I have a dog and a cat, but I’m also scared of other people’s dogs lol. I suppose a fun fact is I sleep a lot, I can’t help it. Cereal before milk!! My preference is males, I would like a romantic match up. I have no preferences except the same height or taller than me (5’6) thank you 💜

♡ matchup for @apskis

hihi! i'm sorry about the wait and thank you for your patience! i've found a nice match for you d(`･∀･)b

|| Haikyuu: i match you with . . .

Kei Tsukishima

(so so, since I only had your MBTI and zodiac to go off for your personality, I chose him for you mostly based on those traits)

Tsukki could no doubt use someone more sensitive than himself to level out his blunt nature but also someone who can keep up with him on an intellectual level.

You fit those requirements perfectly! ♡

On the other hand, Tsukki can ease your mood swings smootly thanks to his collected disposition while still providing the new challenges and excitement you need.

The beginning for you two was kind of bumpy, your differing personalties making it difficult to find a common ground and just talk.

Neither of you probably liked the other much at first. You passive-aggressively competed in many of your classes as you solved the same problems in very different manners.

He didn't want to admit it, being the proud and salty french fry he is, but he found your way of thinking intriguing. Kei has a very logical approach on his surroundings while you tend explore ideas and are generally more open to experiments.

Because of this, even now you never cease to surprise him. He may complain but honestly he can't get enough of ya.

He has learned most of your habits and traits to predict your more impulsive episodes yet he can never figure you out entirely.

You're also more open with your emotions while remaining relaxed. This gradually helps Tsukki learn how to express his feelings too u.u

His love language is words of affirmation but that translates to teasing you relentlessly with that smug smirk on his face.

Will challenge you to debates just for fun.

Thankfully you're as tall as you are, it makes it easier to give you kisses when he's feeling generous (ゝ∀･)

Calls you shortie anyway

Not much into pysical affection :/ Occasionally though he likes casually having his arm around your shoulder or holding your hand (in private only, too nsfw for public)

He doesn't mind that you sleep a lot. Rather he enjoys it because it's peaceful way to spend time with you (while you're taking a nap and he's studying, for example) (つω｀)

If you're waking up and catch him looking over at you from the desk, he's going to hide his embarrassment

"Oh, were you admiring me?"

"You snore in your sleep."

Smooth af

The variety of dates you two go on is so hecking wide. Showing each other your favorite sports? Yep. Training together to keep fit? Definitely. Staying inside, reading books and sharing your opinions? Yes, please. Walks in the park with your dog? Sign me tf up!

Tsukki's more of a cat person imo but your cat probably doesn't like him oof. You find it hilarious how they sometimes glare at each other across the room.

Shares his music with you when you're spending time together after a tiring week. You sit there, sharing earbuds and leaning against each other in complete and utter peace.

Relaxing coffee breaks? Relaxing coffee breaks. Tsukki most definitely has your favorite coffee order memeorised.

You bring coffee to each other during exam weeks and make sure the other doesn't burn out. So wholesome ♡

Tsukki may say some mildly mean stuff about not paying enough attention in class but he's sure as hell gonna make sure you stay healthy.

Tries to low-kew show off whenever you come to cheer him on during practice or one of his games. The other boys still notice and bully him for it lmao

Feels insecure though when they start getting along with you so well (｡•́︿•̀

"Hey, Hinata, you guys were great out there."

"Thanks, y/n! It was nice to have you cheering us on!"

"Shouldn't you be practicing instead though to actually score some points next time?"

Please assure him you're not going to leave his side.

Honestly, you'd make such a powerful couple. Just wow. You're so competitive yet so supportive of each other, and I have no words except that I love this Σ(๑０ω０๑)

runner ups: Kenma Kozume, Eita Semi

whoop here you go, hopefully you enjoyed it! i don't personally feel very confident about the hcs since Tsukki is a bit of a difficult character for me. if there are any changes you'd like or if you have feedback in general, don't hesitate to message me. have a nice day ♡

#anime matchups #tsukishima kei #haikyuu!!#len's matches #apskis #why is it not tagging you? °~°#i really hope you see this...

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apocalyvse · 5 years

Text

11/11/11

I was tagged by @water-writings <3

1. Do you write fanfictions or original stories and did you ever write fanfiction?

I write (and always have written) both; I actually started writing fanfiction when I was like 10 years old, before I even knew what fanfiction was, and then later discovered that it was a whole thing. For quite a few years now fanfic has been my main thing, but I’ve got a few original things that I’m knuckling down on this year and really enjoying, so we’ll see.

2. Did you ever write your stories in the middle of class instead of paying attention?

Not in the middle of class really, but I did write like half a harry potter au fic sort of thing based off of some rp characters at the end of my year 11/12 exams. The exams were like 3 hours long each, and like, I’m not smart but I am pretty quick at theory stuff so I’d have 1.5-2 hours per exam to fill, and I would never use the note paper for notes. So I’d fold my note paper into 8ths and write reeeeeally really small and fill it all up during my extra exam time. (I still have the sheets of paper if anyone wants to see xD)

3. How many notebooks do you have filled with your writing?

Since somewhere in 2015, I have filled 25 notebooks; not including anything I wrote straight out on a computer, on my phone, on random pieces of paper, or in other notebooks that aren’t included in my numbering system, which I have lmao.

4. What’s your favorite way to write? Notebook, Word Doc, Google Docs?

By hand in notebooks. I used to write in a word doc, and I still use word to type up into and edit it, but I find writing by hand really pushes my word counts up, and forces me to do an initial edit when I type it up, especially with fanfic because I don’t draft fanfic.

5. Do you write by yourself or do you need people writing with you?

I’ve always written alone - most of my friends don’t even know that I write, or don’t write anymore themselves, so it’s just me and myself over here. I was in a writing club at school for a while, and we tried to do a couple projects together, but the group got off course way too easily and nothing really got done, so I prefer to be alone with something I’m really passionate about finishing.

6. Have you ever cowritten with someone?

When I was liiiiiike 12, my friend and I co-wrote a lot of Avatar: The Last Airbender fanfic lmao, which to this day is one of my favourite writing memories. And I co-wrote an entire 50k ‘novel’ with my friend during middle school, which was actually pretty good fun - we traded off chapters and worked together on plot and worldbuilding and actually finished the whole thing. It was horrible (I can’t look at it anymore it’s so cringey), but a good experience to have. I’ve co-written with a few friends online too, with mixed results - nothing that’s ever really gone anywhere though.

7. Who do you bounce ideas off of?

No one lmao. I just throw them into the story and see if they work.

8. Have you ever taken an experience from your life and written it into a story?

Definitely! The most obvious example would probably be the series of short stories I’ve written and posted on this horse racing game I play, Flying For Home, which are sometimes drawn directly from stuff that happens around my workplace in real life, seeing as I work with racehorses in a big stable (the premise of the short stories lmao).

Another example I can think of is, funnily enough, my other horse-related project; a novel called Vertigo, for which I have drawn on a lot of my own personal history and people that I’ve met in my life and thrown it into the mixing pot. It’s a bit of a personal daydream tbh xD Other than those, there’s a little bit of myself in everything I write, I think, though it’s hard to pick out sometimes.

9. Favorite type of music to listen to while you write.

I usually don’t let myself listen to music when I write, but if I do, it’ll be the playlist I inevitably have for the story, turned down very quiet so that it fades into the background - usually just pop and alternative/indie sort of stuff.

10. Have you ever had anyone give you “advice” that hurt you and prevented you from writing for a while?

I don’t think I’ve ever had anything that stopped me from writing, and I’ve certainly never had criticism from outsiders/strangers or whatever (generally people just ignore me). But I do keep my mum at a distance from my writing, as she tends to just push and push me to ‘publish something already’ and gives off the mentality of ‘it’s not worth wasting your time on if it won’t make you money’. She uh...doesn’t know that I have published over 100k of fanfic this year. Lol. She’s only trying to be supportive, in her own way, and I appreciate it, but I just don’t mention it to her very often, because she’s never really ready to listen to my point of view on it.

11. Have you ever had fans of your writing pester to write a certain way?

I don’t have fans xD

And from @starsandstormyseas because you asked good questions and I Want To...

1. Have you ever had an idea that sounded really great in your head, but when you started writing it, came out terrible for whatever reason?

Yesssss, Flicker has gone through 9 versions in 2 years because every time I start it, it just goes very quickly in directions that I don’t want it to and it never feels right. This version I’m working on now is the first time I’ve really liked all the ways I could go with it so hopefully we’re past book 2 blues and back on track.

2. What’s your favorite part in writing a story? The relationships (or shipping), the plot, the worldbuilding, something else?

The like, ‘main’ scenes, the big hitters. The culmination of all the middle bits into that one main plot point. And relationships too, though not romantic persay - I just really enjoy the scenes where two characters will bounce off of each other for like 7 pages of dialogue, whether its enemies, or friends, or romantic.

3. And weird habits you do when writing, or to keep yourself writing?

I write by hand mostly, and I have my own system to mark as I’m going sentences I don’t like, or words that don’t really fit but I couldn’t think of the right one, or facts I’ve made up on the fly that need to be googled. If I just mark down stuff that I want to change later as I go, I find that I set myself free in a way, and I can just move on without getting stuck on a google spiral (also I don’t forget to fix my plot holes later).

4. Do you keep the internet on or off when you write?

On, though it’s very distracting when I’m trying to write straight on my laptop lmao

5. What books, authors, fics, or any media, have heavily influenced your writing style?

I spent a lot of my childhood reading Enid Blyton and authors like her; older books, mostly my mum’s books from when she was a child, and things from my hometown’s very, very outdated library. So they had a huge impact on the way I learnt to write (they also had an impact on the way I talk too, but that’s another story). More recently, the whole tone and way that fanfic in general is written has really influenced me, and I’d like to think I’ve adopted it and made it my own in a good way.

6. What time is the best time to write? Day, night? Morning, evening?

Evening/night; some days, I cannot focus until like 8pm when I go to bed. And then I lose sleep because I’m writing but y’know. For editing/typing up, that’s a late afternoon kind of job.

7. Is there anyone IRL that you let read your work?

I have a group of friends that I’ve known for 8 years now that are allowed to read my work. We used to rp together and all used to write and so we all know how bad we were back in the day xD. One girl from that group has been my friend since kindergarten, so she has always had me shoving handfuls of words in her face. There’s been a few other friends that have read some of my stuff, but not all of it, and the older I get, the less I share.

8. How do you handle negative or unhelpful reviews or critique? Does it impact the way you write?

I’ve never had any negative response, so I don’t know. The silence when you’re 4 chapters deep and no one has reviewed is deafening though.

9. Do you respond to every comment/reply you get? If not, which ones get your attention and why?

I only respond to the long/sincere ones, because I feel like they deserve some encouragement in return for taking the time to really let me know what they thought.

10. Ever gotten weird, unsolicited messages asking to join an RP group or some such because this person apparently read your writing (but probably didn’t)?

Hah. Once or twice.

11. What is your favorite platform to post your writing, talk about writing, or anything like that?

My favourite place to post and to read by far is AO3 - but I find the best platform to get feedback on is FF.net. My favourite place to talk about writing is over here on tumblr.

MY QUESTIONS

How do you get yourself to focus on writing?

What’s your favourite thing you’ve ever written?

Tell me about your current WIP.

Do you write for yourself or for an audience?

Do you share your writing with anyone you know in real life?

What’s the nicest comment/review you’ve ever gotten?

What platform do you prefer to post your work on?

Do you plot or pants?

What have you learnt while writing your stories?

Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?

Can you give a spoiler for your WIP?

Tagging (from writer peeps) @converginglives, @pen-in-hand (if you want another one I think mel got you xD), @aethryos, @paper-shield-and-wooden-sword, @siriusguided, @insertpenname-here, @indecentpause, @writing-at-dusk @sillyliterature @anoddconstellationofthoughts @writingtomorrow

#if you join ffh #the referral number is 24 #;)#tag game #nah for real though this was fun

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