#i felt selfish for being uncomfortable and depressed about how i felt pulled out of the circle

[moon-rivr]

so real

part three of congratulations series masterlist

pairing: miguel o’hara x fem reader

contents: more angst 👹👹, depressive thoughts, use of a vape, drug addiction (rapture)

synopsis: miguel’s boss, tyler stone, offers him an.. alternative route to deal with his grief

author’s note: CAN I TALK MY SHIT AGAIN 🗣️‼️ anyways i’m sure you all knew by now but none of this is 100% canon :3

word count: 6.3k

Church bells echoed through his head time and time again, the relentless sound practically playing on cassette in his head. The sound was accompanied by the sounds of Tempest's screaming, screams of anger and fear combined. Screams that would engrave themselves into his very being, reminding him of his failures.  Why didn't you save me? I trusted you!

He patted the spot where you'd laid to him next to him, finding it empty. That was enough to wake him up from his restless slumber. He scrambled up to his feet, his mouth open to call out for you but nothing came out. All that was running through his head was the worst possible outcome, of finding you seriously injured or possibly even unconscious. The only thing he could do was listen as you called out to him: Miguel. Miguel. Miguel.

"Miguel."

"Miguel," his eyes snapped up open, realizing that was just another dream. He looked down to see that you were laying down next to him, your face grimacing as you wiggled. Oh shock. He'd clung on to you too tightly, practically almost squeezing you against his body. His grip immediately loosened, your body immediately relaxing. The loss of contact was evident even if you'd only moved a couple inches away from him.

His very being craved to be next to you, as selfish as it was. Your comfort was the only thing that he needed now, more than the very oxygen he inhaled.

"I'm sorry about that," he muttered, his voice hoarse from sleep and from all the crying he'd done just a couple hours prior. "It's okay, just go to sleep," you mumbled groggily, still half asleep. You rubbed your eyes, looking over your shoulder at him through half lidded eyes. You'd never seen him look so.. miserable. And yet, you had no idea who he couldn't save. You had no idea how to help, all that you could really do in this position was stay where you were and offer him your presence.

Sleep did not come back to him after that, despite how comfortable your body felt next to him. Every time he shut his eyes, the image of Tempest's rotting corpse came to the forefront of his mind. How no matter how hard he'd tried, he had nothing to account for that in the end. All that he had to account for the amount of effort that he'd put in was the amount of guilt within himself, the amount of blame that he placed upon himself for not doing more. Even if the rational part of his brain tried to convince him that he did the most he could.

He looked over at you, entranced by the small fall and rise of your chest as you slept comfortably next to him. The way your mouth slightly parted to let out a couple snores. Silently admiring all the little things he took for granted in the few times that he had you in his bed. Probably would be the last time that he got to see you in such a vulnerable position. "I love you too, chiquita. It's always been you," he whispered, kissing the top of your head before closing his eyes once more.

He was tempted to pull you back into his chest once he saw you stirring awake, a yawn escaping from your lips. "Morning," he spoke up as he saw you get up from the couch, stretching your arms out. You looked restless, probably from the uncomfortable position you'd been forced in. "Morning," you didn't even bother looking back at him, going over to the kitchen to get started on making a fresh pot of coffee.

Miguel leaned against your kitchen counter, his attention solely focused on every single one of your movements. The coffee pod that you'd chosen to put in the machine- a vanilla espresso. The amount of sugars and creamers that you'd set down on the counter. The slight curve of your body as you leaned against the counter, waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. The way that you tried to avoid his not so subtle staring, your eyes flickering to all the small surfaces around.

"Why'd you come to me last night?" you decided to bite the bullet and ask the question that'd been rummaging through your brain all night long. For claiming to have nothing 'serious' with you, he was sure comfortable coming to your apartment at wee hours of the night. Not that you discouraged that activity by any means, though. Maybe you were more responsible than you would've liked to admit.

"Because I needed you."

"You can't do this to me. Treat me as if I'm nothing to you and then seek me out when you're at your lowest."

"I never treated you as if you were nothing to me."

"And yet, we were nothing serious? Or are you going to deny saying that?" You were expecting for him to have some kind of comeback to that, but he stared down at his coffee like it was single-handedly the most interesting thing in the world. The silence almost suffocating, you could almost see the gears turning in that big head of his.

"Look I don't know what happened but serio-"

"Tempest.. passed away last night and I couldn't save her. No matter how much I tried to."

Now that had stunned you into staying quiet, an apology at the tip of your tongue. For what, exactly? For making assumptions or to offer your condolences? Both, most likely. But before you even got the chance to open your mouth, he was already speaking again. "The engagement was a farce. She needed access to insurance and she only managed to get that through being with me."

"And you felt as though you couldn't be honest with me? I know that we've slept together and I don't know about you, but I've spent longer than that loving you," you told him, setting your coffee mug down on the kitchen counter. A stupid mug that he'd gotten for you, World's Best Girlfriend Situationship.

"Look Miguel, I get that you're going through a lot but you can't expect for me to be here only when you want me to be around. I think I deserve more than that by this point."

You were so right. The words were at the tip of his tongue, but how could he say that when he'd treated you just the way you described ever since you came back? Even if he said so, he knew that his words wouldn't be enough to convince you otherwise. He stared at you in silently, his face conveying the pain that he wouldn't dare to voice out loud. Don't fall for it. Don't. As much as you wanted to comfort him, as much as a part of you couldn't bear to see him so upset, you needed to put your own needs above his own for once.

"Finish up your coffee and grab your clothes from the drier. I'll be here when you're ready to treat me like I mean something to you, but up until that point, I don't want to see you."

Miguel tried to prolong the couple sips of coffee he had, taking a few drops every two minutes. Anything that would give him the excuse to be around you longer than he should've. "I'm sorry," he spoke up, watching as you paused in cleaning your mug before resuming. "What's the point of saying sorry if you haven't done anything to change it yet?" your words came out so hushed, his ears practically perking up. If you'd noticed that he wasn't finishing up his coffee, you hadn't bothered to say anything just yet.

Miguel lost track of how many times he'd passed the sponge by the mug, lost in his own thought. How is it possible that he lost two of the people he cared about in less than 24 hours? He could practically see his own reflection in the mug by the time he decided to put the sponge down, rinsing the suds away. He walked over to the laundry room, grabbing his clothes before making his way out of your apartment. "Bye," his words were barely audible, unable to look at you or talk to you after how the last exchange had gone.

This time around, Miguel drove with extreme caution. Almost as a way to overcompensate for his rash behavior last night. He didn't even bother slamming his hand against the wheel when a car merged onto his lane without using their turn signal. At least he didn't have to go into work until Monday, leaving him enough time to seep into his self loathing. And to think about the fact that despite the fact he'd dreamed about the day you'd move back to Nueva York to be with you, it was starting to become more and more unattainable.

He was tempted on calling out on work when Monday rolled around, saying that he needed some time to grieve. But all that he'd been doing at home was look up at the ceiling and think about different alternatives. Alternatives where he wasn't a screw up. Alternatives where his efforts actually counted towards something, where he was actually saving people. A different alternative where you didn't hate him, where he was less of an idiot to prove to you just how much you actually meant to him.

Sleep didn't come to him that easily either. He'd spend hours counting sheep and listening to white noise only to find himself groaning into his pillow. Every position proving to be futile in his restless nights, the image of seeing Tempest in that hospital practically tattooed at the back of his eyelids every time he closed them. His eyes burned from how long he’d kept them open, his head pounding as it urged for him to take at least a nap. Not that he would listen.

Awake or not, his life was starting to become a continuous torment. Every day was the same miserable cycle, though he wasn't making any effort to change it either. Maybe he deserved to feel the way he did right now. It's what he told himself anytime that he was starting to feel the numbness get overwhelming. That he didn't deserve to have some relief from this grief. The days blurred onto one another to the point where he couldn't tell the distinction between them until he looked down at his phone to check the date.

Get up. Drink coffee. Eat two bites of an overpriced sandwich he'd buy at Alchemax. Work. Close eyes. Repeat until exhaustion.

Upon grabbing a fresh lab coat from his closet, he caught a glimpse of the suit he was supposed to wear for the wedding. The wedding ceremony that would've happened tomorrow. Instead, it would now be his funeral suit. He pushed the suit to the back of his closet, pulling his dress shirts over it to conceal the fact. Just looking at it had proved to be an eyesore. He grabbed the first pair of socks that he found, not even bothering to check that they were the same pair before putting his shoes on. Spoiler alert: One was bright red and the other one was a dull purple.

He ran a hand through his messy hair, the action doing completely nothing to aid the bird's nest in his hair. Hairs stuck out from every end and there had even accumulated a gloop of dry hair gel on his scalp. He was a mess in every sense of the word. If that was even a strong enough word to describe his current state. He wasn't even sure when he bothered to take more than a five minute shower, maybe a week ago? Though he told himself that a couple days ago so he wasn't truly sure how much time had really passed.

"Puta madre," he grumbled, a couple of the comb's teeth falling from the sheer force that he'd exuded into just trying to run it through a couple strands. Miguel tugged on the comb with a bit more force, though it wouldn't go through no matter how much he wanted it to. He set down the black comb, rummaging through his cabinets to find a new one. He'd be lying if he said that the sight of seeing Tempest's stuff mixed in with his didn't make a couple tears run down his cheeks. From the halfway finished hair products to the new perfume that she was wanting to try out.

After breaking a couple more brushes, Miguel decided to give up on the effort to fix up his appearance. Not that he even needed to put that much effort, much of the interns didn't even bother to put on deodorant before they showed up. He'd completely forgotten about the work meeting that was set up for today, stepping into the room about ten minutes later. The attention of the room went to him immediately, the loud slam of the door behind him doing nothing to aid the situation. He muttered a half ass sorry before going to sit down.

Gloved fingers snapped in front of him, disrupting whatever little train of thought was coursing through his head. Miguel couldn't even bother to hide the irritation in his face as he turned to look at Aaron, raising his eyebrows as he waited for the shorter man to speak. He was almost tempted to laugh at the way that Aaron had to huff out his chest to put on an intimidating facade. Trying so very hard to present the small bit of authority that Tyler Stone had placed upon him. And failing, truthfully.

"Get your head out your ass and listen closely. Mr. Stone can't handle any mistakes in this project," Aaron's voice seemed so far away, so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Nothing that he did mattered, anyways. He couldn't keep the girl. He couldn't save anyone. Aaron's voice faded out into a low hum, a garble of technical nonsense. How the project at hand could put human lives at stake if done incorrectly and of how it could improve lives if it actually worked. Nonsense he's heard time and time again.

He didn't even realize he was dozing off, his body slumped against the rolling chair behind him. "Wake the hell up or you're fired in the next five seconds! Mr. Stone requested to see you in his office," that same damn voice that sounded like nails on a chalkboard broke him out of his slumber, a large palm slamming on the desk in front of him. Miguel grumbled as he rubbed his eyes, willing himself to wake up before getting up from his chair. He ignored the small snickers that followed after he departed the room.

Miguel took the opportunity to step into one of the bathrooms, taking the opportunity to look over himself before he appeared in front of Mr. Stone. He didn't need to receive a lecture on unprofessionalism on top of the lecture he was probably going to receive already. Not that he cared all that much, but he wasn't sure just how much more yelling he could take with the steady pounding in his head. Rumors floated around people getting fired for even looking at Mr. Stone in a way that they shouldn't have, his ruling over the company an iron fist.

He splashed some cold water on his face, rubbing his eyes to get rid of the last remnants of sleep that lingered behind. The water did nothing to aid with the redness in his eyes, the sleep deprivation apparent to anyone who would spare a second glance. Luckily enough for him, Mr. Stone couldn't care less if his mental health was deteriorating. He grabbed a bottle of eye drops from his coat pocket, squirting some of the substance into his eyes before making his way over to Mr. Stone's office.

Miguel brought his hand up to the large wooden door, knocking on it twice. He looked up to see the camera hanging above the door now pointed towards his direction, the stare from it lasting for a couple seconds than what was necessary. A loud buzz came through the large doors before they opened to reveal the space that was Mr. Stone's office. If it could even called that. While interns were forced to work downstairs in cubicles with a half-functioning air conditioner, Mr. Stone had a tiger rug placed in the center of the room.

Miguel almost felt bad for getting the floor dirty, his eyes shifting to what else the office had to offer. Large windows that went from the top of the wall down to the floor, presenting a perfect view of the Nueva York skyline. The sunlight coming through the windows reflected onto the gold podiums that he had set up, the sight almost painful to look at. Mr. Stone turned around in the rolling chair he was on in a villainous fashion. Miguel was almost surprised that he didn't have a white cat on his lap to finish up the touch.

"O'Hara, right?" While Aaron tried so hard to exude power he didn't have, all Mr. Stone had to do was speak. He could almost feel the temperature drop a couple degrees from the sheer coldness of his voice. "That's me, sir. I heard you wanted to see me," Miguel spoke up, clearing his throat. He stood at a distance, not making the slightest attempt to move closer unless Mr. Stone asked for him to do so. Mr. Stone stayed quiet for a couple seconds, analyzing him carefully from head to toe before speaking,

"We're testing out a new drug at the facility. It's completely safe for consumption and I believe it's what you need to get over this grieving period."

"Excuse me?" It was the first time that Miguel had heard of an employer actually promoting the usage of drugs, though it was no secret that a majority of Wall Street in Nueva York was high off cocaine just to get through business meetings. He expected Mr. Stone to tell him that it was a test, to see if he would take the bait but all he got in return was more silence from the man. Suddenly, he stood up and dusted off his suit. A suit that probably cost more than his apartment building if he had to guess. "Please, follow me. I have something to show you."

Tyler unlocked a steel door with his ID badge, the temperature inside the room enough to make Miguel shiver underneath the thin white lab coat he had on. He wanted to turn around, tell Tyler that he wasn't interested in this anymore but a green vial was placed in the palm of his hand. "Look, I'm not telling you that you need to take it but just know that we have the resources here to help you," Tyler really was trying to amp up this caring persona up to the max with his soft way of talking.

"Just think about it, okay? You have full access to this center of the facility from now on in case you do end up taking it," Tyler finished up as the two of them stepped out of the room, leaving Miguel with a decision to make. A decision that had he been in the right state of mind wouldn't even be up for debate at all. And yet, here he was actually considering going through with what Mr. Stone had told him. By the time that Miguel came back to the conference office, he found the room void of anything other than the things he left behind. He stuffed the vial deep into his pocket before going to pick up his things.

Miguel held the vial between his thumb and pointer finger, analyzing what he could about the drug. From what he could discern from the bottle, the drug didn't seem too different from over the counter pain prescriptions. But he's seen things over the months, seen the way that Alchemax deliberately failed to mention certain ingredients just to get FDA approval. The way that they put human safety at the bottom of their priority list, funding for research at the top. Of the experiments locked away in the basement begging for some kind of mercy, for the chemicals to stop making every breath impossible.

And yet, with that doubt in his mind, he injected the drug into the first vein that he could find on his arm. The pounding in his head dissipated to a low hum, the pressure from his body relieved. He felt the best he had in days, the exhaustion from his body was something of the past. He felt like he was on top of the world, like he was able to run a marathon and win first place. Everything seemed much easier now, making him even wonder what he was even depressed about. There was truly nothing else that could replicate the blissful feeling inside of him.

Funny to think about how he'd gotten on his brother for having a vape a few years back. A 'Very Juicy Mango Pod' that was on the market for lasting longer than normal vapes. Half the school had been indulging in those substances just to get through the day, something that he hadn't dabbled in and quite frankly would never dabble in. He hated that feeling, the feeling of having no control over his body. Of only being susceptible to that temporary euphoria. The feeling of only having relief with one hit of those things.

"You know that stuff's gonna fuck up your lungs, right?" His tone was condescending, only because he truly did care about Gabriel. He wafted the thick smoke blown at his face, his eyes narrowing slightly upon seeing the stupid grin on Gabriel's face. "That's just a rumor, hermanito. You can't really say anything until you try it out," Gabriel retorted, dangling the small bar in front of him. Miguel took the vape from his hands after what seemed to the forth dangle, hesitantly bringing it to his lips. He inhaled, the smoke traveling down to his lungs immediately.

He coughed, his body immediately rejecting the substance. How anyone liked that stuff was beyond him. He practically tossed it back to Gabriel, the touch of the bar almost enough to disgust him. "Just.. don't get hooked on that stuff, I care about you too much to lose you," Miguel told Gabriel, sitting down next to him. It was one of the couple times where he expressed love for his brother verbally rather than letting his actions do the talking. "I know and I won't, I promise," Gabriel's voice was full of determination, an arm slung around Miguel's shoulders.

The next morning when he woke up to go to school, he found Gabriel's small stash of pods and bars tossed in the depths of trash can. Some of which he'd barely bought at an outrageously high price from a plug. Though when Miguel had asked him about it, Gabriel simply shrugged it off like it was nothing. "I don't want to give you reasons to worry about me. You do that enough as it is," Gabriel assured him, letting him know that he'd done him a favor. "I know it was hard but thank you," Miguel told him, the two going out for lunch after school that day.

The low hit him harder than he could've expected. It hit him when he was at home, watching the news on TV. The reporter was babbling about some robbery that happened on 54th Avenue, but all he could think about was when he would be able to get his next fix of the damned drug. His mouth practically salivated at the idea of having it in his system once more. Within that need however, there also resided a deep feeling of guilt. A guilt that was clawing him from the inside out, yelling at him to stop what he was doing. That Tempest, his mother, Gabriel, and you would all be disappointed in what he was doing.

"Shut up, shut up!" He yelled at nothing in particular, tossing his remote control at the TV with more force than necessary. The TV changed into an array of colors before shifting into black and white, the remote almost cracking the screen upon further inspection. He paced around his living room floor, the pounding in his heart difficult to ignore. Sweat dripped down from his forehead despite the fact that he turned the AC to the lowest he could without freezing to death, his body begging for just one more hit. Just one.

The urge to have more of that small green vial overwhelmed every sense of his being. Just five minutes without the drug made him feel like he was drowning. He thought he felt pathetic before but this was a new low even for him. Sitting down on his bathroom floor, injecting a fresh vial of Rapture just so he wouldn't feel like he was completely losing his mind. It didn't even feel pleasurable as it did the first time, but it did help with bringing back his body to stable levels. It helped him to forget the small voice in his head that was screaming at him to be rational.

The red beaming light from the camera placed on the steel ceilings of the laboratory seemed to mock him every time that he approached the storage room. Despite how many cameras were placed across the laboratory, he couldn't help but feel that this one was zeroing in on every movement he made. On every new vial that he grabbed. Almost as if Mr. Stone was checking up on him, checking to see if he fell for his carefully woven trap. And he did. His pockets were stuffed full of vials, trying to assure that he wouldn't have to go without them.

He was starting to become a brainless zombie. Coming into work with the illusion that he'd be able sneak in a couple vials of Rapture during his lunch break without capturing anyone's attention. Though, rumors had been starting to circulate. Hushed whispers about how the one with the most promise at Alchemax was now a drug addicted fiend. Not that anyone would ever said that to say his face, the whispers died down every time he was in close proximity.

“Hey, have you talked to Miguel recently? He hasn’t been answering my calls and that’s just not like him, y’know?” Gabriel called to ask you around three in the morning. Clearly the brothers had a taste for waking you up at the ass crack of dawn. “No, I haven’t. I haven’t talked to him in like three weeks, I wanna say. Let me know if you hear from him though,” you responded, rubbing your eyes as you tried to stay awake for Gabriel’s sake. “I will, thank you. And please, don’t give up on him. I know he’s an idiot but his heart’s in the right place.”

You looked down at Miguel’s contact information, wondering if you should call him. You did tell him to leave you alone if he wasn’t willing to prove himself to you. And if he hasn’t answered his own brother’s phone calls, then why should he answer yours? After letting the thought seep in, you decided to dial his number. You were hoping for some kind of miracle, that you’d be the one he would make an exception for. “Please leave your message after the beep. BEEP!” Was the only response you received though.

“Hey, I know I said I wasn’t going to talk to you but please call me or Gabriel. Just let us know you’re alive, please. He’s really worried about you. Okay, well I hope you’re taking care of yourself. Bye.”

Calls from Gabriel went unanswered along with the thousand voice messages that he'd left, asking him how he was and expressing concern for him. "Llámame cabron, que estoy preocupado por ti.” I've asked around and no one's heard from you in a couple days. For your sake, I hope you're not dead in a ditch," was what the last message had transcribed to, Gabriel's voice a pitch higher. Usually, Miguel wouldn't have let his brother worry this much about him but he couldn't feign being sober to save his life.

He couldn't take it anymore. The urge that he had to feel that high, even for a couple seconds only to end up feeling like complete crap after he'd taken it. The lows were what got him to get up and inject that poison into his system, the thoughts in his head too much to bear. If he thought that it was bad before the drugs, it was much more worse now. The images of Tempest were much more vivid now, he could practically feel her cold fingers on his skin as she pleaded him for something. He couldn't make out what that something was, it was just an endless string of 'please.'

He was taking the drug more so out of obligation. His body goes cold after a few minutes of sobriety, trembling as his grip on reality starts to waver. The drug offered him shorter periods of relief with every new vial that he inserted into his body, but it offered him some kind of relief. Even if it was just fifteen minutes of letting him forget about the misery that his life was. It wasn't until he looked at his reflection in the mirror that he realized how truly screwed he was, how much he'd been disregarding his own health.

Miguel could hardly recognize the man staring back at him in the mirror. He let out a small gasp when he stuck his hand out, his reflection meeting him halfway. Was this what he had become? His eyes lacked any signs of energy, dark circles ringing underneath. He wasn't even sure when was the last time he managed to sleep more than twenty minutes at a time. His stubble was in patches, a couple splotches of red skin from the scratching he had been doing. He couldn't take looking at this stranger anymore. He punched the mirror out of fury, the pieces shattering below him.

What haunted him the most about looking down at those pieces is that he still saw the reflection of that stranger looking back at him.

After doing some extensive research on all the chemicals that Rapture contained, he came to a conclusion that he already knew at the back of his head. There was no way to break the addiction, not without death involved at least. The drug was unlike any others that he'd seen, the chemical components much higher than some of the hardcore drugs on the market. It changed his genetic makeup to the point where he needed the drug as much as he needed oxygen to breathe. Even slow withdrawals from the drug was a guaranteed death. Every treatment was futile against said drug.

Miguel didn't even want to think about what Mr. Stone was capable of doing if he caught whiff that he was trying to break loose from the viscous cycle he was in. He seemed so eager to get Miguel to take the drug, surely he must've known what effects the drug would take on his body. All the research that he did was on a private network in the safety of his apartment, where he could keep the information safe. He'd come up with one final conclusion, that he needed to change his genetic component back to what it was before getting hooked on Rapture.

Maybe he shouldn't have been so cocky in his own abilities. He really should've done more research on what the dangers of altering his DNA would be. Though, anything would be a relief from the constant nagging in his head for more. More. More. More. The straps on the side of the capsule he was standing in secured him into place, a low hum from the machine next to him indicating that it was ready to start. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, all while hoping for the best and expecting the worst. Though, anything would be better than what he was going through right now.

Aaron truly didn't expect anyone else to be at the lab at this hour, even the workaholics at the lab had their limits. He was there to pick up a couple files that he needed for one of the reports Mr. Stone had asked for, but how could he possibly miss out on this opportunity that just presented to him so perfectly? Even through the green rays of the machine, he could see Miguel O'Hara standing there in his full glory. Attempting not to grimace from the burning sensation coursing through his very veins. Oh, how'd he dreamed of this moment.

All the times Miguel poked fun at him, the times that he'd belittled his work, and all the times that he'd managed to outshine him were the perfect motivation for Aaron to code spider DNA into the system. See how he likes that. The studies on animal DNA altering humans wasn't promising, a 99.999% mortality rate as of yet. He didn't care. Nobody would find out about what he'd done, he knew Mr. Stone would remove all the security footage if it came to that point. He amped up the machine to the max, staring at the capsule eagerly.

Agonizing screams followed soon after Aaron departed from the scene, a traitorous laugh escaping from his throat upon realizing what he'd done. "AARON!" Miguel's yells echoed into the steel hallways, bouncing off the walls though Aaron was less the wiser. It was truthfully the best melody that Aaron had heard in his life, hearing one of the men he hated the most cry out for help without actually receiving any aid. "WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Miguel's voice was raw from the screaming he'd been doing. The machine beeped loudly, indicating that the genetic splicing was now finished.

Miguel stepped out of the chamber, wobbling and stumbling through the laboratory floor before touching what he assumed was a table. He gripped the edges of the table, blinking rapidly to ease the blurriness that clouded his vision. Everything felt odd. His body didn't feel like it belonged to him, it felt like it belonged to some monster. Long claws protruded from his fingers, scratching the table the harder he tried to hold onto. He ran his tongue through his teeth, letting out a small groan upon feeling a sharp sensation on the side.

Fangs..? No, he must be daydreaming. Some after effect of long term exposure to Rapture. And yet, no matter how hard he tried to wake up from this torment, he remained still. Footsteps pattered in the hallways, a reminder that someone else had been witness to this situation. Miguel ran faster than he was ever able to, tackling Aaron onto the ground in a matter of mere seconds. Miguel gripped Aaron's arms above his head, paying no attention to the sound of ripping flesh. All that Miguel knew is that he needed answers and he needed them now.

"What the hell did you put in me?!" The accusation didn't come out the way he expected it to, a lisp in his words. Aaron winced in pain from the prickles that Miguel was inducing with his claws, a self satisfied smirk on his face at seeing what he'd managed to reduce the man to nonetheless. "ANSWER ME!" Miguel's voice boomed through the empty hallways, echoing throughout the dead of night. He swore that the vein throbbing in his forehead was about to pop the second that he saw Aaron laughing.

Miguel tossed Aaron to the side without any regard to where he landed, going back to the lab to look for any hints of what Aaron had coded into the system. He went back to the previous code, seeing that some form of spider DNA had been entered into the system. He shouldn't even be alive right now. Not when all the other people who'd gone through this procedure morphed into a version of the creature before ultimately exploding. His head was spinning with the realization, not even bothering to notice the fact that he didn't need the drug anymore.

He looked down at his phone, his finger hovering above your contact name as he debated on whether or not he should call you. Before he got the chance to make a decision though, police sirens blared loudly out of the building. The sound seemed to rattle his head, his ears all too sensitive to the sound. Miguel got down on his knees, pressing his hands to his ears in hopes that it would alleviate with the pain. It did not. All he could do was hope that the sound would soon go away while he curled up into a ball.

"NYPD! Come outside with your hands up!" A man's voice boomed through a loudspeaker. Miguel looked around, trying to find a way out of the facility. He could hear the boot stomps from the first floor, every possible exit blockaded by the police. So he did the most logical thing he could think of. He jumped out of the window and swung? Wait, what? Sure enough, he looked down at his wrists to see a small pocket shooting out white webs. Though, he really should've been paying more attention to the sights in front of him.

THUMP

He crashed face first into a building, a measly web falling from his wrist next to him.

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#moon-rivr #Spotify #miguel o’hara #miguel o’hara angst #miguel o’hara smut #miguel o’hara au #miguel o’hara x y/n #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o’hara x you #miguel o’hara x fem!reader #miguel o’hara fanfic #miguel o’hara fanfiction #spiderman 2099 #spiderman 2099 smut #spiderman 2099 x reader #spiderman 2099 atsv #miguel spiderverse #miguel ohara #miguel ohara fanfiction #miguel ohara fic #miguel ohara smut #miguel ohara angst #miguel o’hara spiderverse #miguel o’hara self insert #miguel o’hara spiderman 2099 #miguel o’hara imagine #miguel spider man 2099 #miguel spiderman #miguel o’hara across the spider verse #angst

[updownlately]

i like it when you hug me (‘cause i kind of feel you love me)

| leah williamson x reader | trigger warning for mentions of depression and self-loathing. please read at your own discretion!

~~~

“Hey…”

The voice echoing through the room had you burrowing yourself impossibly deeper into your comforter, nearly hiding your face beneath the blanket- the light peeking in from the hallway very much unwelcome in the dark room. 

Shaking your head, you let out a shaky breath, quickly running your sleeve over your botched face, wiping it in case the quilt was moved away from you.

Stilling your movements, you listened carefully, on alert as Leah’s hesitant footsteps headed closer to the bed- closer to you.

With each subsequent step, you found yourself wishing she hadn’t entered the room at all and the self-aware part of you felt a pang of guilt bloom from your chest, mentally chastising yourself for being so selfish. 

Please don’t care about me. Please just turn and leave.

You swallowed hard as the voices in your head spoke, eyes widening as you felt the bed dip. Curling in on yourself and shuffling backwards, you buried yourself further into the sheets. 

Right now, all you wanted to be was alone. The kind of alone where your phone doesn’t make a sound, even though your ringer’s on blast. The alone where your door doesn’t move, not by a single millimetre, because no one’s coming in but you. The alone where it’s heartbreakingly lonely, achingly so, but you can’t think of a single person to call. You just wanted to be alone. 

Holding your breath as the blonde neared your lumpy form, you waited cautiously for her next move- body on alert, ready to move further back at the slightest of touch.

You weren’t you right now and she most definitely didn’t need to witness that first hand- it was already embarrassing enough that you were hiding out in your shared bedroom all day, avoiding your girlfriend like the bubonic plague.

Lips moving but no sound coming out, you mouthed a silent plea to the universe, begging that she didn’t come closer. You didn’t know how badly you’d break if she did- and you didn’t want to find out.

Unluckily Luckily for you, almost as if your silent prayers were heard, Leah didn’t reach out for you, hand staying firmly put in the space between.

Smiling sadly to yourself, you didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at her lack of touch, hand itching to pull her close, devil on your shoulder telling you to push her so far she forgot she was your home.

Taking a silent shuddering breath, pleading for the assault of thoughts in your head to go away, you did your best to be quiet. You tried your hardest not to acknowledge her presence, instead hoping she’d go soon enough. She didn’t need to be around you when you were like this. No one did. No one deserved that. 

Quietly praying she’d leave you be, that she’d make this easy on you, you slowly moved your hand to wipe it on the bottom of your hoodie, hands sweating nervously. 

I’m asleep. You can go. I’m perfectly fine.

The words you wanted to say but couldn’t- the lump in your throat holding you back.

Rather, you waited patiently for her to make a move, one that hopefully got you out of this situation without too many cruel words said, in your mind or elsewhere. 

Unfortunately for you, regardless of the absolute pitch-black darkness in your room, Leah caught the movement, softly speaking when she realised you were most definitely awake. 

“How we feeling about dinner?”

You stayed quiet at her words, hoping she’d convince herself you were asleep and leave.

You let the uncomfortable silence rest in your bones, its familiar presence a comfort.

You didn’t deserve to be taken care of. Especially not after how you’d hidden yourself away in your shared bedroom all day- ignoring Leah, the skipper being nothing if not understanding, letting you be as you pulled away. You didn’t deserve it and your brain did a hell of a job reminding you so. 

Pity’s what brought her here- a clear look at you and she’ll run.

The long silence that accompanied the voice in your head was uncomfortable but you were used to it.

Taking small breaths to not make a sound, you felt your chest tighten with each passing second that she stayed.

I don’t want you here. I don’t want you here. Not for me but because you deserve better.

The words repeated in your head as your heart constricted, tired of you and wanting to be wrapped around your lover’s arms as much as you wanted her to go away. 

It seemed like Leah knew as much, her shuffling closer to you and you could soon tell she was lying on the bed beside you.

���I know you’re awake…”

Her whispered words had your body tensing, any hope that you had of her leaving washing away as your leg vibrated restlessly.

You felt her gently tug on the edge of your quilt and you contemplated resisting, wanting to tuck yourself away in a cocoon but not being able to bring yourself to do so, guilt resting heavy on your shoulders.

Instead you slowly gave in to the skipper’s prodding, wincing as the cool air of the room hit you, reddened eyes and blotchy cheeks making themselves known in the dim light.

Shutting your eyes closed as her face came into view, you tried to shake the image of her pitiful gaze from your mind. 

You deserve better. You deserve better. You deserve better than me. 

The words continued to repeat, an echo in your otherwise silent mind.

You shouldn’t love me. You shouldn’t love me. You shouldn’t love me. You should leave.

Clenching your jaw, you missed the way Leah’s face softened at your clear distress. 

She knew your mental health wasn’t the best, but she never got to witness just how poor it really got- not until now at least.

The way you had sluggishly left your bed nearly two hours after your alarm this morning- how you had hid from her all day, not bothering to have anything more than a few spoonfuls of yogurt for breakfast, completely foregoing lunch, and now, quite possibly dinner. The signs were clear, you weren’t fine.

You weren’t okay, not one bit, but if Leah had anything to say on it, she ached to tell you it was okay. 

It was okay to not be you today, not when she was here, you didn’t have to run and hide. 

But she couldn’t tell you right now, not with the way you barely met her gaze, head tucked in the crook of your elbow, tear-stricken cheeks just barely hidden, body tense.

So instead she placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, moving the arm on your face to the side as her hands travelled to your torso. 

Tugging gently, the blonde pulled you into her embrace, hands coming to wrap around your midsection as you complied, tucking yourself into her side, too tired to protest. 

If words weren’t what you wanted to hear, then she’d speak to you with her touch. 

Continuing her efforts, you let out a small sigh as her hand came to smooth your messy hair, scratching your scalp gently, just how she would when she’d comfort you after a tough loss. 

The ministrations coupled with the faint touch of her rubbing circles on your back, and you could feel your body relax, gears in your mind beginning to slow as your hands shyly made their way to grab fistfuls of her hoodie, not wanting the comfort to leave- not wanting her to leave.

Surprised at the Englishwoman’s actions, you burrowed your face into the crook of her neck as you felt the knot around your heart loosen just a tad bit, a grateful breath escaping you.

You sunk into her grasp as you ignored the dying voices yelling in your head, your weight rest wholly on top of the midfielder's body, back muscles going slack as you let her warmth break through the iciness plaguing you.

Thank you for staying, for being patient, for caring.

The words went unspoken whilst you waited as the rock in your throat to slowly shrink.

And as a minute passed and then two, her grasp on you only getting stronger, more assuring, you couldn't help be grateful.

All your unsaid words from earlier finally had the chance to be spoken now, chest light, speech coming easy. 

Letting yourself snuggle into Leah’s hold, feeling her place a soft kiss on your crown, you finally had a breath of comfort, nearly crying in relief.

Though the voices in your head didn’t quite disappear, she made living a bit easier, the simple act of breathing no longer a chore.

It’s why your murmured words finally came easy, heart floating, your grip tightening in adoration.

“I love you.”

#fuck it not proofread #based on the song half hearted by we three #s/o to the one person from the poll that listens to we three! :D #leah williamson x reader #leah williamson imagine #leah williamson #woso one shot #woso fanfics #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso #woso community #my writing #blurb #iliwyhm #hurt/comfort

[galebrainrot2024]

Gale x Tav Enemies to Lovers Part 19

Read on Ao3

Full transparency, I did pull some loose lines from a NSFW of mine. No reason for me to totally reinvent the wheel! Enjoy :) Gale's POV

After the rest of their companions retired, Karlach tentatively walked over to Gale and stuck her head in his room, “Pst,” she waved a hand. “Up for a little late night walk about?” 

Despite his exhaustion and because the orb didn’t loom over him, he obliged and stood, groaning as he rose to his feet. “Gladly.” 

They walked the outskirts of the inn, trailing along the black water’s edge in silence before Karlach broke the silence. “So…” she said, rubbing the back of her neck, “How are you feeling? I mean, now that you’re not the only one facing the possibility of death.” 

Gale released a quick, short puff of air. “Oh, you know, ever the optimist.” He paused, sitting on the flat rocks overlooking the murky abyss. “I wouldn’t wish this fate on anyone, least of all you. It would be selfish to talk about myself when you’ve only learned of your fate.” 

Karlach laughed and shoved his shoulder, “Come off it, mate. I’ve been living on borrowed time and we both knew it, the difference is now it’s been confirmed. It’s not speculation anymore. This engine is going to blow and I’ll be damned if I step foot back in the hells. Besides,” she said, tossing a stick into the lake, “what have I got to offer this world? You were a chosen, an archmage… you have so much to live for and your death is not inevitable.” She looked at him seriously, “You have to reconsider.” 

“I’m just a man,” Gale frowned, running a hand over his weary face, “An imperfect one, with needs, wants, and flaws by the bushel. A fragile vessel in which to place potentially world-ending power.” 

Karlach groaned and stood to pace. “I hate it when you talk about yourself like that. Mystra must have done quite the number on you, for you to think so little of yourself.” 

Gale fiddled with his collar and sleeves, uncomfortable and unaccustomed to such blatant vulnerability. “Well, it’s hard to think highly of yourself once you’ve been reduced to a pitiful excuse to the person you once were. And even more so now that my ex-lover, and goddness of magic, has more or less signed my fate. My end.” 

“You have so much to live for,” Karlach expressed, waving her arms. “What about your friends? Tara? Your mother? Tav?” Gale ignored her when she emphasized Tav’s name and he swallowed hard. “Fine, ignore whatever is going on between Tav and you. What about the rest? If I were in your shoes, there’s no way I’d be willing to kill myself for a God like her.” 

Gale felt his temperature rise and clenched his fists, “It’s not that simple.” 

“Isn’t it?” She walked back and forth, emphasizing her point with broad strokes, “First, she casts you out with no explanation - I mean, yeah, you meddled in a Goddesses affairs, and she could have at least told you what you’d done. Has she ever told you, the source of the orb’s power I mean?” Gale shook his head and bit the insides of his cheek. “Exactly. So, we don’t even know what this thing is and she, an omnipotent being, couldn’t be bothered to offer you the grace of an explanation? You’re not the first human to make such an error, I’d reckon.” 

Gale laughed and shrugged, “Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps I ought to be angrier… ah… ultimately, it was my fault, my choice - my folly. I thought I knew better than a Goddess… I sought to return one, infinitesimal diamond to her crown. The equivalent of pouring a canteen of water into the Chionthar.” He scoffed, shaking his head, “Sacrificing myself for the rest of the realm feels like adequate punishment.” 

Karlach groaned again, “I won’t sit here and listen to you kick yourself while you’re down, mate. It’s too damn depressing. You made a mistake - a foolish one - and a mistake all the same. If Mystra can’t think of another way to extend her forgiveness other than for you to take your own life, she’s not Goddess worth worshipping. We will find another way.” 

“Maybe you should take your own advice,” Gale volleyed back to her. She smirked and threw a fistful of grass at him. 

“Hey!” He brushed the leaves from his person, the tension leaving him. She certainly knew how to change his mood. “I don’t appreciate being decorated in this shadowed muck, thank you. Shouldn’t I be the one asking you how you’re feeling anyway? How did this become about me?” 

She bellowed, raising her hands to the sky like a penitent. “This is the best day. The best day.” 

Gale balked, his eyes widening. “Karlach. You were just given a death sentence. The best day?” He rose a brow at her, skeptical. 

“You should know better than most how lonely it’s been to not be able to relish in anyone’s company. For years I’ve been starved of the simple pleasures of being alive. I’m so happy for me - in fact, I might be the happiest woman on the sword cost since I may have someone to cuddle up to tomorrow night…” Gale grinned to match her curled smirk. “I didn’t expect to see him here. He was giving me the old eye, right? I’m not making that up?” 

Gale stood and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze, “He was most definitely giving you the old eye. I’m happy for you, Karlach. Really I am. I.. I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you how worried I am, though. Dammon’s right - the world is better with you in it.” 

“Listen,” she clasped his shoulders, looking at him seriously, “I’m never going back. If you said I could die right now or live a thousand years in the Hells, I’d choose to go out now with my freedom intact. I don’t expect anyone to understand that - but I’ve been dealt a hand most people don’t have to contemplate playing. You have, too - you should know better than anyone.” 

“It doesn’t have to be forever,” he insisted, “it could give some time to find a proper solution. I have a hard time believing it can’t be managed.” 

“You heard Dammon. There is no solution. It’s hell, or bust. I choose bust.” She shook her head and sighed, stepping away from him to look out at the endless blanketed sky. Her voice quavered, “I don’t want to talk about this now. I’ve been given a huge gift. I can touch people I love for the first time in a decade. And for the first time in a decade there are people I care about all around me. Let me enjoy that, please. I just want to celebrate this. At least for a little.” Gale understood the sentiment deeply and allowed the quiet night to consume them. 

*** 

“Answer me true,” Jaheira said, placing her hands on the table. “Do not lie. The parasite is changing you, isn’t it?” 

Gale stood behind Tav, observing carefully as she navigated the conversation. He was intrigued by her couth and furtiveness, how she leveraged her tone, her word choice, all while holding her cards tightly to her chest. As the days passed, Gale began to recognize how much he admired this in Tav. How they’d been faced with countless dangers, incredible odds, and she rarely faltered in her conviction. It was inspiring and arousing. He was enamored with how diplomatic she was, how tactful, just how cunning… and her talent with magic… it was enough to make him feel unhinged. 

“Well,” Tav said, tracing her finger over the rim of the glass she refused. “I’ve experienced so much since the crash. Who’s to say it’s the tadpole that changed me?” 

Jaheira sneered and Shadowheart giggled, earning her an elbow jab from Karlach who was listening intently. “You speak frivolously. Do you not grasp the cost of what we’re dealing with? Look around you… good people, stranded here two feet in the grave. If we’re to survive I have no choice but to trust you. Can I?” 

“Trust doesn’t matter -“ Tav said cooly and Gale felt his stomach knot, her confidence was electric. “I’ll get the job done. What happened to being the godsend you’d been praying for?” He felt his lips curl into a crooked grin, and ran his fingers through his hair as he watched her, two snakes in an elaborate dance. 

“That was a public display of hope, despite private reservations. I have every reason to be cautious. I’ve traced people like you - people with parasites in their brains. The cult is spreading through the city. Quietly. Quickly. With unsettling deliberation. We tracked them to this ancient village, only to be faced with a man we killed and buried over a century ago. General Kethric Thorm. Remember that name.” 

After speaking with Jaheira, the group made a b-line towards the stair to seek out Isobel’s protection - if they were to venture to Moonrise, they’d need much more than crude torches. Gale was seized with the gravity of it all - how much larger than them this was. Larger than just the tadpoles. It was bleak, and he felt a sinking dread that detonating the orb would be the way. 

He felt a lithe hand on his shoulder and turned his head as they lingered outside of Isobel’s room. “There will be another way,” Tav murmured and gave his upper arm a reassuring squeeze. He felt sick, overwhelmed by her touch, overwhelmed by the possibilities before him. Gale sought to ignore the creeping thoughts, the unholy things he wanted to do to her each time she touched him.

There was no ale, no potion, no feeling on earth that quite compared to when he looked into her eyes or when she touched him.

Her gaze lingered and Gale felt exposed, naked almost as she peered into his soul, as if she was probing the deepest recesses of his mind. As if she could hear his thoughts. 

“How can you be so sure…” he whispered, averting her eyes. He was shocked when he felt her fingers brush his jaw, her gentle grip turning his face to meet hers. 

“Because I know you, and I know myself. Neither of us do particularly well when we are told what we cannot do.” They held one another’s gaze for what felt like a millennia before Shadowheart cleared her throat. 

“As much as I hate to interrupt this precious moment, we have a cult to ambush, remember?” 

They blushed and separated like oil and water. “Right,” Tav said in a strained whisper and they swung open the doors. 

“I didn’t realize I had an audience -“ Isobel said, her white hair iridescent in the shadow's light. “The true soul who’s going to save us all. Pleased to meet you.” 

“Word travels fast.” Tav said, crossing her arms. 

“Hm… it’s a small inn. It’s almost too good to believe. Free from the Absolute’s influence, yet able to walk among cultists... yet, a blessing all the same. Let me guess, Jaheira sent you to beg a protection spell of her favorite cleric.” 

As Isobel manipulated the blue light that projected from her palm, Gale cocked a brow at Shadowheart’s scoff. Bold, to openly denounce someone who was offering their guidance and help. Selunite cleric or not, he’d thought her more clever than that. Old wounds die hard, he supposed. 

“This should help get you closer to the towers… but there are places it won’t help, where the curse is too strong, darker. The cultists are able to traverse the deepest shadows - the harpers are trying to figure it out.” 

“Selunite magic.” Shadowheart scoffed and shook her head, as if to rid herself of the spell. “Dark Lady forgive me.” 

“Good nose - like a nasty little terrier.” Isobel quipped, a clip that would have earned a nasty retort from Shadowheart had there not been a strange, threatening noise that engulfed them.

Gale felt a rumbling, as if the ground itself threatened to split open. He reached out, grabbing hold of Tav’s arm. “Something is wrong.”

** 

As Karlach wiped Marcus’s blood from her axe, Gale wiped his face with a cloth. Shadowheart brushed off her armor and rolled her shoulder’s back. “Well. There’s always something, isn’t there.” 

“The plot thickens,” Karlach said, taking a gulp of water. “What I’d give for some precedented, run of the mill ass-whopping. This all feels… I don’t know. Too heavy.” Gale’s brow furrowed - it wasn’t often she admitted to feeling overwhelmed.  

“This is the same Karlach that fought in the Blood War?” Gale taunted, to which she stuck out her tongue in mock defiance and tossed the bloodied, balled-up cloth at him. 

Gale dodged the throw, holding out his arms as if to say 'See that? This Wizard still has some tricks up his sleeve.' Then, he looked steadily at Tav and his face contorted for a moment - was that a flash of jealousy? He licked his lips, trying to add moisture to his desperately parched mouth. Tav’s knuckles were white as they gripped her canteen.

Gale extended a hand to her, “Care to share?” 

He admired how her skin flushed, the beads of sweat pooling on her forehead and snaked in miniature rivulets down her cheeks. When she handed him the canteen, her fingers brushed against his knowingly and he felt electrified. Before he could reconcile with himself, the words spilled out of him like a bad batch of Hundur sauce. 

“You know… it’s quite thrilling, to fight off such grim creatures as this region throws at us. Especially being at your side,” he paused for a moment, embarrassed yet unable to stop, “I once… read a book that explained in some detail the effect a brush with danger has on one’s desire for… other forms of stimulation.” He swallowed some water, though it did little to alleviate the desert inside, “Have you ever read anything on that subject?” 

He was acutely conscious of the gleeful shock on Shadowheart and Karlach’s faces. He bit down on the inside of his lip and swayed a bit on his feet before relief consumed him as Tav spoke: “Read it?” she said softly, but with a knowing glint in her eyes that made Gale’s heart flutter, “I could have written the damn thing...” he saw her swallow hard, the hallow of her neck calling out to him like a siren song. What he would give to flick his tongue along the vulnerable skin.  

Gale cleared his throat, shifting to conceal his growing arousal. Thank the gods he was wearing a loose robe.”Oh…” he took a deep breath, a lopsided grin betraying his wanton need, “Then might I suggest we pool our knowledge. No sense in letting valuable, first hand experience go to waste.” He tried to steady himself as his mind whirled with salacious details, the lustful heat seeping through his body and soul. He wanted more than her physical body. He wanted all of her - her mind, her soul. To bond with her in a tantric, unworldly experience. “Perhaps it’s just the thrill of our near-undead experience talking, but standing at your side through such darkness and disrepair...my Gods..” Gale’s face softened, his voice cool. He couldn’t quite manage the rest once he realized he saw the same hunger, the ache in her soul.

The words lodged in his throat, unable to be uttered and so they lingered invisibly in the air: it only makes me want you more. 

He wasn't able to spare himself further embarrassment. “Gale - did you just,” Shadowheart broke the silence, “I’m sorry, did you just tell Tav you wanted to have sex with her by citing a book?” Shadowheart giggled, though not out of malice. "After we just murdered a teeming host of winged horrors and a mangled, freaky-cultist? I didn't think you had it in you, to be honest."

The way Karlach began to crack up made his ears burn. The air seemed to crackle, alive and whipping with the impending storm of two bodies desperate to intertwine. Gale and Tav were side by side, he staring down into her enrapturing eyes and allowed himself to indulge in every inch of her face, her body…

Karlach started: “So, Tav, are you going to let the wizard ba-“ 

But before she could finish her sentiment, Jaheira bounded up the stairs, accosting them and Isobel. The conversation would have to wait. 

#gale of waterdeep #bg3 gale #gale dekarios #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #gale #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 brainrot #gale x tav #god gale #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 fic #bg3 gale fic #bg3 gale x tav fanfiction #bg3 angst fic #bg3 enemies to lovers #bg3 gale x tav #bg3 fanart #gale fanfiction #gale smut #baldurs gate gale #shadowheart

[everlastlady]

Bloody Legend Part 8

✧- Author's Note: Thank you all, for being so patience with me. I had been going through a lot of shit, I'm finally on anti depressants and will be attending therapy since I want to properly deal with my mental health. But thank you to all who have been checking up on me and been sending me such sweet messages and support, I really love and appreciate you all so I hope yall enjoy the new chapter. Remember to eat a meal or a snack, drink some water, get some fresh air, take your medicine, and remember that you are loved. If you loved this story remember to comment, click or tap that heart button, reblog with tags, and blaze if you can. Always remember to support your local writers. ♡♡♡

✧- Word Count: 5445

✧- Parts: Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7

(Name) sat there in the hospital bed feeling stupid. Alastor was able to calm them down since they sounded like a broken record. The TV played an old show. (Name’s) eyes poured into the show. A commercial played and not just any commercial but one that had Mammon on it prompting his cereal alongside (Name) who was dressed as a rabbit. (Name) rolled their eyes and changed the channel just seeing Mammon made them physically sick. (Name) adjusted themselves in bed and looked over at the empty chair that had Alastor in it. He had left since (Name) wasn't a fan of hospital food. So the radio demon promised that he would get them some food for their favorite place. (Name) sighed and looked up at the ceiling. They couldn’t believe that they let Mammon control like that. To play with them like that and hurt them, it almost killed them. This wasn’t love, you shouldn’t have to tire yourself out for someone. The door opened as (Name) expected to see Alastor, but it was no one other than Mammon who was holding some green roses and a basket that had snacks inside. “ Hey, there. “ Mammon had a smile but this smile was filled with guilt and worry, mostly guilt because Mammon knew that it was his fault that (Name) was in that hospital bed. (Name) stared at Mammon, looking him up and down. “ What are you doing here… “ (Name’s) tone was cold ice. “ I came to see ya, I even brought you some of your favorite snacks. “ Mammon let out a nervous chuckle and walked over and sat the basket on (Name’s) table along with the flowers. “ Mammon… “ (Name) said, rolling their eyes. “ Are you comfortable? Have they been getting you food? Because I can tell them to get ya some better food then the slop they serve here. “ Mammon said, smiling. “ Mammon… “ (Name) repeated themselves while sitting up more. “ I should bring you some pillows and blankets from home, I bet the hospital blankets and pillows are fucking uncomfortable, but don’t worry I’ll see if I can take you home and Rosemary can just visit everyday to check on you. “ Mammon said, while trying to fix (Name’s) blankets. “ Mammon! “ (Name) yelled.

Mammon let go of the blankets and looked at (Name) who had tears in their eyes and glare in their eyes. “ I’m not going home with you, I don’t even want you here… “ (Name) said, as they scoot away from Mammon. Hearing this felt like a slap across his face. “ Y-You don’t mean this, t-this is all just a minor event that happened. “ Mammon said, trying to reach out and hold (Name’s) hand but (Name) laughed and pulled back their hand. “ Minor event? I’m in a hospital bed, because I didn’t know how to take a break because of you! I can’t believe that I used to love you, that I wanted to ask you out… I’m glad this happened because it opened my eyes and let me know that being around you is toxic.. You are selfish, you don’t care about anyone but yourself and money… “ (Name) gripped the blanket as Mammon shook their head. “ No, No! That’s not true I love you (Name) “ Mammon took their hands into his. “ No… No you don’t… you love yourself and money, I need some time away from the spotlight, I need some time away from you, maybe forever… please… “ (Name) pulled their hands away and tucked them underneath their armpits. Mammon didn’t know what to say. It felt like his heart had shattered into a million pieces and those pieces just like (Name’s) were hard to swallow. But he knew that (Name) was right. If he loved them, then they wouldn’t be in this hospital bed, because you don’t hurt the people you love.

“ I understand, goodbye (Name)... “ Mammon, he turned around to leave. “ Mammon… “ (Name’s) said. Mammon turned around in hopes that maybe (Name) changed their mind. But instead (Name’s) instead pointing to the basket of snacks and flowers. “ Oh, y-yeah I’ll take that with me… “ Mammon walked over and grabbed the basket and flowers as (Name) looked at the wall, facing away from Mammon. He grabbed the basket and flowers walking off. The door opened as Alastor walked in with a bag. Mammon and Alastor looked at each other. Mammon glared before shoving past Alastor and slammed the door closed. The water in the cup almost spilling out because of the slam. “ You okay, (Name)? “ Alastor asked, not wanting to ask why Mammon was here, already knowing what happened since the two already discussed what (Name) would say to Mammon if he tried to visit her. “ Yes, I’m fine. “ (Name) looked at Alastor and smiled. Alastor smiled and nodded. He brought over (Name’s) favorite meal as (Name) set up their bed tray so they could eat. Alastor saw a petal from the flowers that Mammon had left behind. Alastor picked up the petal and set it on fire between his fingers. “ So, I have a guest room that you can stay in when the hospital releases unless you have somewhere else you wish to stay. “ Alastor pulled up a chair. (Name’s) wiped their mouth with the napkin. “ I wouldn’t mind staying with you, it will be like old times and we can catch up again. “ (Name) took another bite of their burger.

“ Great, I’ll make sure to make the room look presentable before they release you. “ Alastor sat back in the chair. “ And don’t worry about paying rent either, free of charge. “ Alastor smiled. (Name) smiled back and continued to eat their food. “ As for your clothes, how about we have a day of shopping. “ Alastor asked while he was fixing his vest. “ I guess that would be nice, but I don’t want you to spend your money on me. “ (Name) sheepishly said. “ Dear, I did that when I was alive and I didn’t mind, and I still don’t mind besides you deserve clothes that he hasn’t picked out or has his logo on it. “ Alastor looked up at (Name). I guess Alastor was right but they still felt bad. “ How about I do house chores and cook us breakfast, lunch, and dinner since you are giving me a room and buying me clothes. “ (Name) said, holding out their hand. “ So it’s a deal. “ Alastor shook (Name’s) hand. “ Now get some rest, you’ll need all your strength if you are going to leave the hospital. “ Alastor reached over and used the remote to turn off the lights. (Name) got themselves adjusted in bed. Thinking about what happened earlier with Mammon it felt good to stand up to him, but this was only the first step to becoming their own person. But deep down a part of (Name’s) still cared about Mammon and his dorky laughter. But they needed to get better before deciding if they truly loved Mammon and hopefully the king of greed will reflect on his actions. (Name) had slowly drifted off to sleep while Alastor was watching an old black and white show on the TV.

Mammon in his home sat on the bed that (Name) used to lay in. He had one of their hoodie’s hugged close to his chest. Covered in black stains from his tears. He had wailed out loud that none of the servants bothered him when they tried he would just yell at them to go away. He couldn’t believe the harsh words that (Name) said to him at the hospital but he knew a part of him deserved it. He wished he could go back in time and tell himself to treat (Name) right to treat them better, but you can’t go back in time to fix your mistakes, you must live with the consequences of your actions. Mammon had to live with the consequences of his actions, he wasn’t worried about the money he would lose or how he would replace (Name). He had no worries, just pain, he felt like a piece of him was missing now that (Name) wasn’t here. “ I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… “ He cried into the hoodie that was just drenched in tears and snot. He wanted this to be a bad dream, for (Name) to even call him and ask him to come get them from the hospital because their scared and alone even bored, because Mammon always knew how to make them laugh, that laughter he wouldn’t miss (Name’s) laughter he loved how they snorted and laughed like a maniac at his joke, not matter how much (Name’s) hated their laugh, Mammon loved it.

Mammon had eventually fallen asleep in (Name’s) in bed holding onto the hoodie like a baby that held onto their blanket in their crib. In his dreams he hoped that (Name) would be there but they weren't. It was just (Name) saying how much they despised them and found someone better. Even sleeping was painful for Mammon.

(Name) was finally released from the hospital. They were wearing Alastor's sweaters and some old pants of his. As they were getting ready to leave the hospital. “ Remember to take it easy and to avoid stress, a break from the spotlight is a good idea. Also three meals a day and get plenty of sleep. “ Rosemary said. (Name) smiled and nodded their head. “ Thank you, Rosemary. “ (Name) said. “ No problem, just avoid the king of greed… I’ll visit that dickhead… “ Rosemary mumbled the last part before walking off. “ Let’s go. “ Alastor smiled and placed his hand on (Name’s) back as the two left the hospital. The drive was quiet as soon as the two were at Alastor’s place. He showed (Name) to the guest room, it was small but comfortable. (Name) was always used to the lifestyle that (Name) spoiled them with, that they forgot rooms can be this small. This should be good, being away from Mammon will show (Name) they don’t need to be spoiled with large rooms, expensive clothing, and servants doing all the cooking and cleaning. “ I have to go meet Charlie and others for a meeting at the hotel, but food in the fridge, help yourself to anything in it and importantly make yourself at home, call me if you need something. “ Alastor said, walking over, placing his hands on (Name’s) shoulder and kissing their head. “ I’ll see you when I’m back. “ Alastor walked out of the room, soon (Name’s) could hear the sound of the front door closing.

(Name) looked around the room. The bed was a twin with black and red blankets that matched the pillows. The walls were dark red and floors wooden. The dresser had just a lamp and a few books. (Name) walked over and looked at the books. It was just books on the human mind, history of voodoo, and a storybook about a rabbit and a fox. (Name) walked into the bathroom, switching on the lights. They looked in the mirror, they still looked tired. The dark circles underneath their eyes said it all. They looked around the bathroom door and saw the tub, so no shower. (Name) saw the towels and bottle wash next to the shampoo bottle. (Name) left the bathroom turning off the lights and closing the door. They left the bedroom and walked downstairs into the kitchen. They looked around in the kitchen and decided to eat some soup. Alastor surely had some weird taste that (Name) would have to ask if they could shop for food later so they could get some things that were their taste. (Name) decided to pair a grilled cheese with some tomato soup. Even though servants always cooked for (Name). They still knew how to cook. Once they finished. They sat at the table eating the food while the clock ticked on the wall. (Name) wondered what Mammon was doing, probably trying to figure out how to replace them. (Name) wouldn’t be surprised if they saw a new act/person with Mammon, and they wouldn’t care if Mammon was going to replace them; so be it. (Name) would soon find a way to support them and especially their mom, which made (Name) sigh, they still need to call their mom. They were pretty sure what happened at the hotel was all over the news.

(Name) finished eating and cleaned up after themselves. There wasn’t much to clean up around Alastor’s house. He was a pretty clean man. So (Name) decided to dust while the TV played in the back. They stood on their tippy toes as they dusted the bookshelf. (Name) turned around when hearing the doorbell, they stopped dusting and looked over at the door. They set down the duster and walked over as they looked through the hole of the door. Seeing a tall pale woman with short blonde hair and a large grin like Alastor. (Name) slowly opened the door and peeked out their head a little. “ Hello? “ (Name) said. “ Hi, dear, I’m Rosie, Alastor’s neighbor and friend. He asked me to check on you when he brought you home. I brought you some cookies since I know Alastor isn’t a big fan of sweet things. “ Rosie chuckled and held up the basket. That does check out. (Name) opened the door and let Rosie in, when fully looking at her and seeing her up close. She seemed to match the picture of the woman that Alastor was in. “ Have you eaten dear? “ Rosie asked and set the cookies on the table. “ Yeah, I had grilled cheese and tomato soup. “ (Name) said. While Rosie grabbed a saucer from the cabinet and placed three cookies on a plate for (Name). “ Good, then you get to have the cookies. “ Rosie smiled and sat down.

“ Alastor told me what happened. Those sins really treat us like we do not matter but it’s Hell, so what are we to do. But you made a great choice leaving that Greedy man. “ Rosie said, smiling. “ Can we not talk about that… “ (Name’s) said while taking a bite from their cookie and looking away. “ Oh! You’re right dear, I’m sorry you deserve to move on from that, so have you thought about how you will have an income? I know you're supposed to take it easy but what will you do for work once you feel better? “ Rosie asked. (Name) sat down and set the plate down, sighing. “ I’m not sure, I do have enough on my card to support me for a couple of months because.. Him… but I;m not sure what job I’ll do when the money runs out or he’ll lock the card which I wouldn’t be surprised if he did… “ (Name) slumped in their seat looking down. But they looked up, feeling a hand on top of their hand. Rosie smiled gently, a smile like a sweet aunt. “ I run an emporium, my business partner Frankie sadly passed away, but anyway it’s under new management which is me, I could use someone to work there since I fired all the people Frankie hired, those people were either lazy, rude, or stealing. But I’m sure I can trust someone like you $19.45 per hour. “ Rosie smiled. “ I know it wasn’t as much as you were making but it���s worth a try and you won’t have to worry about his money. “ Rosie said. (Name) looked at Rosie in surprise, was she really offering them a job? They had no work experience besides the entertainment business. “ Are you sure? I never really worked in retail… “ (Name) said. “ I’m sure, so do you want the job? “ Rosie asked and grabbed a cookie for herself. (Name) smiled and nodded. “ I want the job. “ (Name) said, full of excitement. “ Great! Once you feel better you can start, I’ll text you about the uniform and send you some books on retail and you can read about my business on my website at www.RosieEmporium.hell.org.com “ Rosie stood up. “ I’ll leave you to the cookies, just don’t eat too much, you don’t want to get a tummy ache. “ Rosie chuckled, and ruffled (Name’s) hair before leaving.

(Name) couldn’t wait to tell Alastor that they got a job… wait Rosie did say that Alastor asked her to check up on them. What if he also asked Rosie to give them a job. Either way (Name) was going to tell Alastor. Ate a few more cookies before putting them in a tupperware container and placing them in the fridge. They decided to keep the basket. (Name) walked into the living room and sat on the couch. Thinking about what they said to Rosie about the money on the card. (Name) decided that tomorrow as a plan. They would ask Alastor to take them to the bank so that they could pull half the money on the card. They would rather have some papercash just enough to pay for their own food and some clothes. Since they didn’t want Alastor to buy their clothes. Honestly (Name) wanted to pick out their own outfits. (Name) spent the rest of the day eating and watching TV. Soon Alastor came home, tired he walked into the living room to see (Name) asleep on the couch. He grabbed the blanket and placed over (Name’s) sleeping form before scooting their legs up a bit so he could sit on the couch. He loosened his tie and sat back sighing. (Name) woke up from the weight on the couch. They sat up yawning and rubbing their eyes. “ Hey, you're home. “ (Name) said, with a sleepy smile. “ Yeah, it was a tiring day. That pornstar doesn’t know how to leave me alone, tripped him down the stairs then Vaggie yelled at me while Charlie tended to him. But I told Angel to have a nice trip so was I really that mean? “ Alastor grinned. (Name) laughed and cuddled up next to Alastor. “ No, you were absolutely nice, so Rosie came by to visit me. “ (Name) said as their head rested on Alastor’s arm and (Name’s) hand on his chest. “ Really? She told me that she was bringing you cookies, sorry for no sweets in my house, I don’t really fancy them like I did when we were alive, your taste changes when you end up in Hell. “ Alastor said, looking down at (Name).

“ She did, the cookies were delicious reminds me of my grandma’s cookies, but Rosie offered me a job and I took it. Once I feel better I’ll be working at her emporium, I won’t have to worry about the money that Mammon had on the card for me, but speaking of money on the card. Can you take me to the bank tomorrow? I want to take half the money from the card. I have a plan to save the money, I just take as much off as I can before Mammon locks the card. “ (Name) said, sitting on their knees as they looked at Alastor. “ We can go right now since you still need clothes and maybe we can get you some food and snacks you would like instead of what I have in my kitchen. “ Alastor said, standing up as he helped (Name) off the couch. “ That sounds great! “ (Name) ran upstairs to go get their shoes on. Alastor did ask Rosie to offer (Name) a job, he didn’t want (Name) having to worry about making money for Mammon. He was glad that Rosie happily agreed to do it but also because she owed Alastor a favor when he saved her business. (Name) ran downstairs and almost tripped but Alastor caught them. “ Be careful dear, the banks aren’t going anywhere. “ Alastor laughed. “ I know, I’m sorry I’m just excited cause I have so much planned. “ (Name) said, quickly. “ I know I know and those plans aren’t going anywhere either, you have to recover first but I promise you’ll be able to complete your plans or whatever goals you have. “ He said, gently squeezing (Name’s) face. “ Now let’s go. “ Alastor said. The two locked arms and left Alastor’s home.

(Name) stood in line at the bank, their stomach swirling as they were nervous. People were looking at them, some even whispered. Everyone knew about what happened at the hotel but (Name) was also feeling nervous because what if they find out that the card is locked. (Name) took a deep breath and walked up to the machine, they always remembered the information since the pin number was Mammon’s favorite show the date it was released. (Name) wanted to withdraw $1,000 “ and success! (Name) grabbed some envelopes to place some to place the money in. While they were there, they decided to also open a bank account, something Mammon couldn’t have access to. “ You should also transfer the money from the card into your account, you have the information. “ Alastor said, as he played with one of the pens. (Name) nodded and transferred the rest of the money from the card into her new account. Once everything was done (Name) walked outside with Alastor who took the ugly green card in his hand and lit it a blaze the smell of disgusting green plastic made (Name) cough. “ I guess that is done, time for shopping for clothes and food. “ (Name) said. “ Did you make sure that Mammon can’t have access to the account you opened? “ Alastor asked, walking. “ Yes, I put it under the nickname that you used to call me during childhood and the first name is the nickname and the last name is from when you were alive. “ (Name) said, looking at the different stores. “ How sweet. Surely he won’t figure out he doesn’t know the real you. “ Alastor said, walking across the street with (Name). “ Which makes me feel guilty, he thinks I was hell born, everyone does but I also don’t feel guilty because I don’t want people to know about my past. “ (Name) looked up at the store and went in.

“ And you have a right not everyone needs to know your past, you can tell whoever you want about your past when you are ready. No one knows about my past and intend to keep it that way. “ Alastor smirked and looked at the clothes. (Name) smiled and nodded their head. Though they wondered what Mammon would have said, if they told them that they weren’t hellborn, that they had a life before landing in Hell. That they married their best friend, well not actually married but faked married because their friendship felt like a happy marriage and could cover up for Alastor’s murders. They were even going to adopt a child and a cat to make their marriage seem more normal but that didn’t go as planned since Alastor died and then (Name) died. But still what Mammon would have said? (Name) sighed and just continued to grab outfits and undergarments that fit their style of clothing. They even got a few things like body wash, lotion, and a few items to feel more comfortable. They went to the front as teenage demon squealed. “ Oh my Satan! You’re (Name)! “ The girl squealed again. It was ear piercing. (Name) laughed nervously. “ Yes, it’s me. Can I pay for my items? I'm kinda in a rush. “ (Name) said, rubbing the back of their neck. “ Tiffany, Jonathan get over here it’s (Name)! “ The girl called over her coworkers who came over and began gawking at (Name). “ I didn’t expect you to shop at this shop, but I guess you have to now. “ Tiffany said. “ Yeah, that whole Mammon incident was big, he’s probably going to replace you like he did that Fizzarolli guy, hey are you going to make a song like he did calling out Mammon, I have two minute notice as my ringtone. “ Jonathan said. “ And if you need a dancer, me and Tiffany have been doing dance for half a week. “ The girl and Tiffany began doing some dance that looked like they had spiders in their pants while Jonathan was bombing (Name’s) with questions.

(Name) began breathing quickly, they just wanted a simple shopping trip besides why should they care if Mammon replaces them but they somehow did. The lights in the store began flickering (Name) looked up as the teens stopped dancing a large shadow displayed on the wall in front of the three. (Name) felt their hair move from the hot breath, they looked up to see a large monstrous deer, they knew this was in fact Alastor who looked like he wanted to slice up the teens and eat them. The three shook with fear. “ Can my partner pay for their clothes with money or your insignificant lives? “ Alastor's voice was deep, guttural; each word dripped with slim like sweet poison. It filled the teens with fear and horror.

The teenage cashier began quickly scanning the clothes as Jonathan and Tiffany carefully placed them in the bag. “ T-That will be just $30.09… “ The teen said, she lowered the price in hopes that Alastor would spare them.

(Name) placed the money on the couch. The lights were bright, the cheerful shopping music played, and Alastor was back to normal. “ Thank you bunch kiddos, remember to stay in school and cause plenty of chaos. “ Alastor laughed and walked out of the store with (Name). “ Partner? “ (Name) looked at Alastor. “ I guess that slipped in the moment. But we still are technically married, I’m sure they even buried us next to each other hopefully. “ Alastor said, thinking about it now. (Name) playfully rolled their eyes. “ Well then since you are still my husband, then you’ll have no issue carrying the bags. “ (Name) held out the bag to Alastor and grinned. Alastor rolled his eyes and smirked, he took the bags. “ Anything for my spouse. “ Alastor walked as (Name) held onto his arms unaware that pictures were being taken at the moment once Alastor and (Name) were out of sight. The demon sat in the car swiping through the pictures, he got all he needed. The car pulled away driving off. Tapped on the screen and called their boss. “ Hey, I found them and got some pictures that you might not like when you see them. “ The croc demon said. “ Just send the bloody fucking photos. “ Mammon’s voice rang on the other side. “ Send the money first, that was our agreement. “ The demon stopped the car to park in a fast food drive way. “ … Fine. “ Mammon mumbled. The demon tapped his green claws against the wheel, once a chime was heard he saw that $50,000 had hit his account. He sent Mammon all the pictures. “ I’m not sure why you are obsessed with some demon, sure their face but I don’t see anything special about them. “ The demon sat back in his seat. “ If you don’t want to lose that money or your life you’ll shut your bloody trap because they're not just some demon. “ Mammon ended the call. He was nervous to open the photos he had received but maybe he would know how (Name) was doing after being released from the hospital.

Mammon took a deep breath and opened the photos he analyzed each one just seeing Alastor in each one made his blood hot and heart race. This brought him physical and emotional pain. Seeing how (Name’s) arm held onto Alastor, made it feel like a knife went straight through his hearts. (Name) used to hold onto him like that. He remembered when (Name) had their first performance when they walked into that building he saw how they looked down as they held tightly onto his arm. He still could feel their tiny squeezes if he thought hard enough about the memory and soon holding onto him became a thing between them. Though the rumors of them dating annoyed him. He wished those rumors were now true, he wanted (Name) to be here with them for them to always be kissing each other every morning and night. For him to spoil them and say I love you. Mammon didn’t want to look at the pictures anymore so he turned off his phone and slammed his face into the desk. He was too tired to sob. He didn't eat, wash up, or get dressed. He was still in his pajamas with (Name’s) hoodie on his lap. He was hellbent on getting them back but he also didn’t want to push them away even further. And who does this Alastor person even think he is getting all cute and cozy with (Name), Mammon was pretty sure that he knew (Name) the longest before him. He would have figured out who this Alastor person was. He knew that he worked at the hotel. Maybe his niece knew something about him, but why would an Overlord work at a hotel? He would just have to do some detective work but he would have to be smart and sneaky about this, maybe even get some help. Mammon didn’t care how much money he had to spend; he would uncover the truth about Alastor.

When night had fallen. (Name) sat on the bed with their new pajamas. They had already eaten dinner and freshened up, so they sat on the bed counting the leftover money they had. The door opened as Alastor leaned against the door frame. “ I see that you saved a lot from our shopping trip today. “ Alastor walked over and sat on the bed, watching (Name) count the money. “ Yeah! I’m just going to save, maybe get my own place. “ (Name) smiled but then frowned, sighing. “ I still need to call my mom, I know she watches the news and sees what happened at the hotel and hears people talk today… It makes me wonder why she hasn't called? Maybe she’s disappointed in me, she always said that it was good I was making money with Mammon as my boss because her Imp boyfriend left us I forgot what his name was, Crimson, yeah ugh Crimson was the worst wanting me to date one of his friend’s sons but no way, he told my mom that we are worthless like his wife and son. “ (Name) rolled her eyes. Alastor placed his hand on her shoulder. “ But you know that you aren’t worthless right? “ Alastor stared at (Name). “ I know… before I did but I know I’m not now. I’m going to build a life for myself and not rely on anyone for money, shelter, or even my happiness. I’m going to go out there and make my own happiness even if we are in Hell and this place really knows how to slap the happiness out of you, unless you are in the higher circle. “ (Name) put the money away and laid back on the bed.

“ You know even the people who are in the higher ranks and that have everything are sometimes secretly the saddest, most miserable people. I should know I’ve met many people like that. Hell tries to distract us all with money, fame, food, sleep, power, sex, and drugs. The possibilities are endless but people shouldn’t rely on those things because in the end that little voice in the back of your head will remind you of all the sadness and pain you are carrying. “ Alastor sighed. “ Even sometimes I don’t really feel like myself… “ Alastor looked at his claws. (Name) curled up next to Alastor who smiled down at them and held them close to the two staring at the ceiling. “ But you don’t always have to carry that pain and sadness. It’s what you do with it that matters, how you channel it and if you are willing to feel it. “ Alastor said, while rubbing (Name’s) back. “ How do you channel it? “ (Name) asked. “ Chaos of course, playing games with people. That’s how I do it. “ Alastor smirked. “ But you know, do it for you and no one else. “ Alastor sat up. “ Now I should head to bed, tomorrow I promised Charlie that I would help her with some important guests that are arriving tomorrow morning, you have a goodnight (Name) “ Alastor got off the bed and bowed. He left the room, closing the door behind you. (Name) sat there thinking about what Alastor said, Mammon was part of the higher circle. Was he hiding any pain or sadness? (Name) knew that some people who carry pain and sadness take it out on others, but that isn't an excuse to hurt or control others. But still (Name) was curious. They didn’t want to dwell on this any longer so they just switched off the lights and got under the blankets, thinking about what tomorrow would bring.

Mammon Tag list aka The Bloody Legends: Special thank you these lovely people for supporting this series, y'all are bloody legends! I'm also sure Mammon appreciates your love and support.

@scootinonyourmom @hellbornediamonddreams @mizavia @lbcreations-blog @a-library-of-old @queenfishie @sylum @universallyweaselwobblermuffin @lizzywizzyeatsart @lucasisstupid @g0dwat3r @polaris107 @fictionalwhor3 @amarieth

If you want to be added to the list or removed kindly let me know.

#helluva boss #hazbin hotel #helluva mammon #hazbin alastor #helluva mammon x gn reader #helluva mammon x reader #helluva everlasting #helluva bloody legend #bloody legend

[cocogrrrl]

so ive been kinda down in the dumps and that one angsty thing you wrote for stan about the reader questioning their relationship with stan really got me 😭😭

was wondering if ya could write stan with a reader with depression and shi (personally for me i take prozac and attend therapy sessions ykyk) like that if ya can. probably would be really angsty (or bittersweet?) since stans got his own problems he has yet to deal with💀

selfish

you love stan and he loves you. there's an uncomfortable thought telling you that you're pulling him down, though.

stan marsh x gn!reader cw: bittersweet (?), yn relies on stan as emtional support, also yn is unhealthily in love with their bf wc: 689

an: hiii! i feel like this is a little all over the place and i really dont know if this fits the bill, but ya huhu i hope u like it!

The night is cold, as it often was in the small town. Tonight, however, its harsh temperatures really bit. Luckily, your boyfriend also doubled as a human blanket. It’s a good thing he’s almost always awfully warm. His regular body temperature alarmed you, thinking that he had a fever. He, however, always felt alright.

You two had been spending your time watching some shitty movie neither of you have heard before for the shits and giggles. It was a common occurrence for you two. At this point, you would consider yourselves bad movie connoisseurs. If it doesn’t look like it was made with a budget of two dollars, it’s not worth watching.

His arms were lazily wrapped around you, and you felt your body melting into his. His breath was warm on your neck. Your legs were intertwined, no, entangled with his. You savored quiet moments like this. Everything didn’t exist for you at this moment. Only Stan did.

You felt something bore itself in your brain, though, as your gaze was focused on Stan. You tried to push whatever thought it was away, but you couldn’t.

Were you selfish for wanting Stan to love you while you didn’t even know how to love yourself? It feels like you were taking him for granted sometimes, honestly.

You felt lucky and grateful that you had him, yes, but you wondered why did he even choose you. There are moments where you question if he even loves you. The answer must be a yes, right? If it wasn’t, then what even is the point of being with someone who’s more trouble than anything?

Why do you have to question these types of things anyways? You must be a horrible person. How bad of a person do you have to doubt someone as wonderful as Stan? Stan often made it a point to show you that he loves you, even when it was difficult for him to do so.

You aren’t quite sure how this whole love thing works. Hell, you didn’t even know how your feelings worked. How are you supposed to navigate something that may be even bigger than you?

You find it inspiring how kind and determined he still is. After all the things he’s gone through, he still holds a heart of gold. Sure, it’s somewhat tainted, but who’s to say that it isn’t beautiful? He is sparkling, gleaming. You seemed to pale in comparison.

“Stan?” You called, burying yourself in the crook of his neck.

“Yesss?” He smiled, pulling your face to look at his. You two had some to drink earlier, and it was obvious that the alcohol was starting to kick in. He had the dopiest grin on his face.

Would he ever get tired of you? Sure, he would. Eventually. You’re a tiring person. He’ll learn to grow out of you one day. That’s why you learned how to savor moments like these when everything seems to be alright.

“I think I’m still trying to figure things out,” you admitted. This all felt a little easier since he was drunk. The chance of him forgetting this eased the worry in your mind.

The meaning of your words was purposely left ambiguous. He could fill it in with whatever meaning he wanted though. Besides, did it matter deeply to him? He is drunk. It’s not like this will matter in the morning.

Deep down, you feel bad for Stan. He’s already going through a lot, and you already have an idea of how everything’s going to end. Despite that, you continue lying to yourself that things will go great. Stan’s just here, seemingly unaware of the wreck that is in your mind. 

“Mhm?” He hummed, drawing out his ‘M’s.

As he started to cover your face in kisses, you continued. “But I do know one thing.”

Though he may know that you’ve been thinking of these things, it won’t be confirmed to him. For now, one source of your guilt shall remain a secret.

“That is?”

‘I think you are my dream.’ No, that’s too weird. You might just freak him out.

“You’re so amazing.”

#cocogrrrl's writing #south park fanfiction #south park x reader #stan marsh x y/n #stan marsh x you #stan marsh x reader #stan x reader

[mellpenscorner]

A solution to the last scene in Endgame...

So, as much as I love Endgame, and as much as I was mostly satisfied by the endings the characters got, I have to say that the last scene (where Steve leaves and comes back Old) has several problems that have never quite sat right with me.

Issue #1 Time Travel Based on my understanding of how they meant time travel to work in the movie (and just the movie. I’m not talking about anything explained in further shows or movies), going back in time and changing things meant creating a new time stream that did not affect the past of your own time stream. E.g., going back to 2012 and telling Steve that Bucky was alive would cause 2012!Steve to probably go look for Bucky, but didn’t change Endgame!Steve’s personal past. With that being the case, if Endgame!Steve went back and made a life with Peggy, that would fundamentally change things, and when he grew old and got back to 2023 (when Endgame is supposed to happen), it would be a different 2023. The only way he could access the 2023 he left would be to use the quantum tunnel, which he does not. Thus, by having Steve show up as an old man, they wrecked whatever tenuous continuity they had going.

Issue #2 Steve and Bucky’s goodbye I don’t believe that Steve’s choice to go back to Peggy was inherently selfish, but the way the scene is executed in Endgame irks me. It seems like Steve is brushing off Bucky’s feelings, and there’s no real confirmation that Steve had even talked to him about leaving. We get one flippant line from Steve, a brief hug, and an altogether depressed-looking Bucky. This makes Steve’s decision come across as extremely selfish and out of character, and it rings a false when compared to how hard Steve has fought to find Bucky.

Issue #3 The Mystery of the Unbroken Shield I don’t know if this struck anyone else, but it really bothered me that Steve gave Sam what looks like his pre-broken shield. Steve only takes Mjolnir and the stones with him into the quantum tunnel, so he couldn’t have re-forged the shield, which means that he’s either made a new one or taken it from some other point in the time line. This leads to uncomfortable thoughts about which version of himself he might have stolen it from.

Issue #4 Sam getting the shield instead of Bucky This isn’t something that ever bothered me, but I know that a lot of people felt it was another disservice to Steve and Bucky’s connection, and that Bucky got “passed over” in favor of Sam. I think there were also some feelings that Bucky deserved to become Captain America as the final stage of his redemption arc.

With this in mind, I propose an ALTERNATE ENDING that I believe alleviates or mitigates these problems. The alternate ending is this:

Steve and Bucky share a longer hug, and Bucky is the one who tells Steve “it’s gonna be ok.” Steve goes to return the stones and doesn’t come back at all. While Bruce and Sam are freaking out, Bucky assures them that this was Steve’s plan. He then pulls Sam aside and presents him with the pieces of the shield that Steve had all those years. Sam offers them back to Bucky, who insists that Steve wanted Sam to have the shield. Sam asks where Steve went, and Bucky smiles and says he got a life. We then cut to Steve and Peggy dancing.

Solution #1 Continuity (or at least one fewer disruption) Steve remains in his own separate time stream, and we don’t have to deal with all the messy questions about where he was when significant events were happening. He didn’t just hide in the shadows; he wasn’t even there. (No, Joe and Anthony, he was not Peggy Carter’s husband the whole time. That is preposterous and you should be ashamed for suggesting something so stupid.)

Solution #2 Acknowledgement that Steve and Bucky talked If Bucky explains everything, it is blatantly obvious that this was a decision he had at least some say in. It means Steve wasn’t a selfish jerk who forgot to factor in his lifelong best friend, and it means that the decision and all its possible issues were at least discussed.

Solution #3 It’s the same shield Not some mystery object of Steve’s that he may or may not have robbed from his younger frozen self.

Solution #4 Bucky doesn’t want the mantle I think there are a whole host of reasons Bucky wouldn’t even have wanted Steve to pass Captain America on to him, and this scenario would show that it was his decision too.

BONUS BENEFIT Sam getting the broken pieces of the shield would be a FANTASTIC symbol for how he’s going to have to take Steve’s legacy and rebuild it, making it his own in the process.

bonus bonus benefit Bucky saying Steve “got a life” calls back to what Tony says in AoU, and to Steve and Natasha’s conversation in Endgame (“I think we both need to get a life.” “You first.”)

#MCU #Marvel #avengers #endgame #avengers endgame #textpostsbymellpen #wow this is really long #in ye olden days you would get a potato #steve rogers #bucky barnes #sam wilson #captain america #alternate ending #convoswithmoystarushka #natasha romanoff #platonic romanogers #fix it

[ashplayz]

9 characters x Y/n

My 9 AU (alive AU)

(Contains spoilers for the actual movie.. I guess..)

1: Y/n was made from the same Scientist as 1-9 she was given the ♾️ symbol meant to symbolize the future… but she was made before the war.. 1 was made when the war had only just begun and to say he was scared was an understatement he was Terrified… he often hid behind y/n depending on her for strength and courage.. She inspired him to be a leader to be strong and not have to depend on her or anyone else. To inspire the other that came after.. She's the one who gave him his red cape. It used to be hers. She gave it to him to remind him to be brave.. One day they were caught up in the middle of the raging war in the emptiness when tragedy struck… y/n was crushed but before it happened she gave one her coin that he later wore on his hat asking him to not forget her…

everyone thought she was dead so when she showed up one day with 9 and 7 everyone was certainly surprised… especially 1… Y/n wasn't too pleased that one became a tyrant and overall a very selfish person… so of course their relationship was kinda tense but they didn't have time for that because 9 awakened the machine…(movie continues as normal with the addition of y/n) When 9 was going to sacrifice himself so the others could live but y/n planed on sacrificing herself instead believing that he was the leader the others need but what  didn't know was that 1 was also planning on pushing 9 out of the way to finally do something right by him y/n and the others so when y/n tried to push 9 out of the way 1 pushed her out of the way "Y/n no!!"

(Movie continues as usual after 1s death with the addition of a depressed y/n but ended with a twist) after the machine was defeated the souls of the ones who died were released and re entered their bodies thus reviveing themselves. Y/n and 1 had a very emotional reunion after this releasing all of the bottled up feelings and emotions and revealed their feelings for each other and getting together. Afterwards 1 stepped down as leader giving y/n the title but she refused saying 9 should be the leader because he saved everyone but 9 gave a speech about how they didn't need a leader they just needed each other if they had that they could pull through anything.

2: Y/n came from a different Scientist not really knowing much about them once she awakened she set out to try to find others and then she met 5 and he led her back to the sanctuary where she met the others. Y/n had been at the sanctuary for some time when she started to develop feelings for 2 she thought he was the smartest person left she admired him so much but she had anxiety when it came to talking to him often completely freezing up whenever he tried talking to her but truthfully he had feelings for her as well unaware of her feelings towards him convinced that she wouldn't be interested in someone so old considering she was a newer model.. But she wouldn't call it older she would call it more experienced due to her being so nervous around him he thought he made her uncomfortable.. One day they were talking and he conferenced to her she wanted to tell him she felt the same way but couldn't form the words.. When 1 sent him out to scout she found it very suspicious an wanted to go with him but 2 said he wanted her to stay put whare it was safe.

(Movie continues as normal 2 gets captured) When 5 came back with 9 and said 2 got taken by the beast she was devastated but she was determined to find him alive y/n insisted on going with 5 and 9 to save 2 so the 3 of them did (movie continues as normal with the addition of y/n) after 7 showed up and killed the beast y/n helped 2 up "are you alright?" She asked him but of course he was more worried about her. Y/n noticed 9 messing with the device that the beast was trying to put into something that looked to be made for it but she had a bad feeling so she went to stop him. "Wait! We don't know what it is yet!" Y/n said just as 9 put the device in then it started glowing green before shooting out green light 2 pushed her and 9 out of the way just before I killed him "TWO!!" Y/n screamed as 5 held her back as she watched him die..

(Movie continues as usual with the addition of a depressed y/n) Y/n ended up dieing during the part at the bridge trying to protect 6. Y/n didn't see 2 on the other side she didn't see anything at all it was completely empty it was scary.. Then 9 saved the day freeing the trapped souls and y/n and the others who died came back. It was an extremely emotional moment for everyone especially y/n who yelled out her feelings for 2 and how she wanted to say something sooner but was afraid. They finally get together.

¾: Y/n was made from a different Scintest. When y/n awoke she moved from place to place on one or more occasion she came across 7 who tryed to convince her to join the fight against the beast but y/n wasn't one for conflict. One night thare was a terrible dust storm and y/n seaked shelter ultimately comeing across the library seeing 7 thare and the twins 3 and 4 y/n found them adorable but not in a romantic way at least not at first however the twins fell hard for her but not being able to verbalize they way they were feeling (the movie continues as normal with the addition of y/n and the twins trying to protect echoher) y/n doesn't die neither do the twins. In the heat of the moment of everyone who did die comeing back you were so excited that you kissed one of the twins then backing up in embarrassment but the twin kissed her back then the other twin also wanted a kiss so that's how y/n and the twins ended up dateing 7 just smirked at you guys..😏

5: Y/n also comes from a different Scientist. Once she awakened she wandered out to try to find others and then stumbled across 5 and he took her to the sanctuary she didn't really talk much but she got defensive when 1 got mad at 5 for being in the emptiness Which surprised 5 and ever since he has been drawn to her. Like I said she doesn't talk much, she's usually pretty quiet. She always hangs around 5 following him everywhere usually wordlessly. 5 fell hard and fast but was way too nervous to admit it. (movie continues as Normal with the addition of y/n she died protecting 5 he died afterwards tho.. but everything was cool after 9 brought everyone back and instead of using words to express how 5 made her feel she just kissed him.

6: (same concept. Different scientist 5 brought y/n to the sanctuary) Y/n was the opposite of 6. She enjoyed talking to 6 because she could just talk and he would listen. She often hung around with 6 in his drawing area.  She developed feelings for 6 pretty quickly but didn't say anything fearing he wouldn't feel the same way but he did. He just wasn't completely sure of his feelings but she did make him nervous in a way that he kinda liked. She didn't seem to be a violent or angry person however whenever 8 bullies 6 she gets very mad and protective almost fighting him a few times but does end up befriending him. (Movie continues with the addition of y/n she dies before 6) y/n confessed her feelings for 6 before she died so once they both came back to life he confessed too and they got together.

7: (same concept. Different scientist) Once y/n awoke she stayed put not venturing out into the emptiness out of fear of what she might find. 7 found you when she decided to explore the place y/n stayed in. She managed to convince her to join the fight against the beast and free the world or what was left of it.. Problem was y/n couldn't fight so 7 offered to teach her. And that entailed her following 7 around everywhere y/n fell hard and fast 7 also had feelings for her but never showed it. (Movie continues as Normal neither of them die but y/n nearly did so she ended up confessing to 7 in the moment so afterwards 7 grabs her and kisses her while the battle against the machine is still going on.

8: (Same scenario. Different scientist 5 brought y/n to the sanctuary) everyone was frightened by 8 and understandably so he was pretty intimidating but y/n never even flinched at 8 witch seemed out of character considering y/n was a lot like 6 in a lot of ways she wasn't even fazed by 8s threatening demeanor set him on edge. She often protected the others from 8 and 1 leaving one to slowly start to see himself as..well a bully.. He never wanted it to be that way. He was just trying to do his job protecting the leader but he realized his ego got to his head. He noticed how he made all the others afraid just by walking into a room… but not Y/n..and he didn't understand why..

One day his thoughts got too much for him and he had a breakdown sobbing feeling like he was losing touch with who he was y/n happened to be passing through when this happened so she comforted 8 the best she could he didn't understand why she helped him after everything.. It didn't make sense, nothing really did any more… His thoughts were all jumbled up and eventually he started to develop feelings for her but he refused to say anything fearing if he did she would hate him..

(Movie continues as normal with the addition of y/n she ends up dying before 8) once 9 brings everyone that died back y/n runs up and hugs 8 tightly tears streaming down her face he starts crying as well but then there's a pause share they look into eachothers eyes slowly getting closer before kissing. So they finally got together.

9: (different scientist still) Y/n awoke around the same time as 9 so when he wandered out to find others y/n did as well and they met when 9 met 2 (movie continues as normal with the addition of y/n) Y/n is a lot like a lot.. Like 9 except she wasn't the dunce that put the talisman in the machine and dooming everyone.. Let's just say.. When he did that she was… well VERY angry.. And tried to beat him up 7 had to hold her back but 9 was just like "No she has every right to be angry I screwed up so bad.." (You think!?) (Movie continues as normal with some uncomfortable tension between 9 and y/n this time 1 died before he tried to sacrifice himself to save 9 so instead it was Y/n who stopped 9 from dieing 9 was Horrified by this but ended up saving the day and reviving y/n and everyone else who died. To be completely honest there was some feelings floating around between them the whole time but even more so now that it's all over but it's just kinda just left alone neither of them addressing it while the feelings grow more. they don't really get together until like a long line after the war with the machine and it happened when 9 was having a breakdown suffering from major PTSD of watching half of everyone he's ever known including y/n die before his  eyes because of something stupid he did he was convinced she still hated him and that the others did to.. Y/n happened to walk in on this breakdown and admitted that she never hated him and that truthfully she had feelings for him. So they FINALLY get together.

The end.

#stichpunks #x reader #9 the movie

[seita]

— you love too easy | hitoshi shinsou (m.)

pairing: hitoshi shinsou/f!reader

genre: angst, fluff, smut

wordcount: 𝟾𝟹𝟾𝟶

cw: childhood friends!au, roommate!au

tags: unrequited love, pining, toxic relationship (oc x shinsou), brief kaminari x reader, cunnilignus, dirty talk, pet names, praise kink, fingering, size kink, loss of virginity, light virgin kink, creampie, squirting, angst with a happy ending

note: sorry if u like kaminari. i made him a huge douchebag in this. i swear i like him i just needed a character to be,,,,well, a douchebag.

— all your life you'd been by his side. you've loved him since you could remember. you've always been by his side so why did he give his heart away to everyone but you; the one who would treat it right?

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© all content belongs to seita 2020. do not modify or repost.  

He fell in love too easily. You knew that your entire life. He’d give his heart away to anyone and everyone, fully and with everything he had. He loved with every fiber of his being. And it always ended in disaster. 

You couldn’t count how many nights you’d spent by his side rubbing his back as he cried because his girlfriend lied to him, comforting him as he hunched over a toilet after crying himself sick because his girlfriend cheated on him, or forcing him to eat because he got so depressed after she ignored him. 

It was an endless cycle. 

Yet you were always there to build him back up -- to pick up the pieces. 

Ever since the first girlfriend he had in Kindergarten that lasted for 2 days and ended in his tears up to the girl he dated in senior year of highschool who cheated on him with her ex...you were the one to fix him. 

Yes, Hitoshi Shinsou fell in love far too easily and way too hard.

The thought that kept you awake every night, however, was why couldn’t it be you? You were the one who took the best care of his heart -- being the one to piece it back together every time it was broken. He didn’t need to love anyone else. If he just loved you, he would never have to worry if he just gave his heart to you. 

But he never would. 

Because he didn’t love you like you loved him. 

You’d known him since you were babies -- your parents were friends in highschool and it went on well into adulthood. 

Naturally, the two of you grew close -- it was inevitable. Your crush on him developed in childhood -- you two got lost in the mall after you strayed away and he kept you safe and calm until you found your parents, his hand clasped tightly around yours as he let you cling to him. That was the first time you realized he made your cheeks feel warm and your tummy fluttery.

Your parents always joked that the two of you would fall in love and get married. It was nearly impossible for that idea not to be imprinted in your mind. 

Except, it was never an idea he entertained. 

Part of you felt foolish. You were a grown adult with a crush that you’d harbored since childhood -- pathetic, one-sided crush at that. 

The thing was, unlike Shinsou, you’d never dated before. It was never something you desired. Sure, you had confessions and love letters but you’d never once accepted them. You just couldn’t see yourself being with anyone but him.

Upon graduating, the two of you realized how terrible it was to be 18 trying to make it in the adult world. After a few years of fumbling and nearly getting kicked out by not making your rent payments on time, you decided that rooming together would be the best idea. 

It was a foolproof plan; you’d known each other for your whole lives so it wasn’t like you’d suddenly hate each other, you knew he was responsible with his money and you were too, and he was a quiet, chill guy so there wouldn’t be any obnoxious ruckus. 

What you didn’t think about, however, was him bringing girls home. 

“This is Aoi,” he introduced, motioning to the smiling girl beside him, “Aoi, this is _____...she’s my best friend.”

“And his roommate,” you added, holding your hand out politely.

“Oh you...live together?” you didn’t miss the distaste in her tone as she reached out to give you a weak handshake, pulling away as quickly as she could. She immediately wrapped her arms around his and he leaned how to press a kiss to the top of her head. 

Ouch. That made your heart hurt. 

Of course, it was nothing new. This was something you’d been through time and time again. 

What you hadn’t accounted for, was her dislike of you. Naturally, his past girlfriends hadn’t always been fond of you -- after all, you were a big part of their boyfriend’s life. And jealousy was a fickle disease. 

But Aoi’s dislike bordered on hatred and disgust over you. Every chance she got, she was pulling Shinsou away from you with some thinly veiled excuse. It seemed your best friend was none the wiser as well. 

You couldn’t blame him -- he was in love. Unfortunately. 

Aoi’s glares were ice cold, often sending shivers down your spine when she set it upon you. It was uncomfortable to say the least. She was at your place often enough for you to take up the art of avoiding her.

That is until one day when things seemed to come to a head for her. You weren’t sure what  you did but you found yourself cornered in the kitchen one evening while Shinsou was taking a shower -- leaving just the two of you alone. 

“Listen to me,” Aoi spat, arms crossed over her chest, making her look petulant, “You need to back off of Toshi.”

“Uhh...what?” you grunted, looking up from the glass of chocolate milk you were pouring.

“Stay away from him!” she spat.

“We literally live together,” you rolled your eyes, capping the pint of milk, “I can’t stay away from him.”

“You know what I mean,” she hissed, clearly pissed off by your sarcasm. She marched up to you, grabbing your upper arm in a vice grip, her acrylic nails pinching your skin, “I see the way you look at him. I know that look in your eye. You love him.”

Your mind blanked, mouth opening but failing to produce any words. She smirked smugly, stepping back and crossing her arms again.

“I…” your brows came together as you shook your head, finally putting the milk away.

“I knew it,” she huffed, “You can’t take him from me. Toshi is mine so you better remember that. You have no idea what I can do to you.”

With that parting threat, she stormed out of the kitchen back to Shinsou’s bedroom. You felt tears sting your eyes, feeling utterly humiliated by her. 

Another thing about Hitoshi Shinsou is he’s terribly dense sometimes. You had no idea how he managed to miss the horrifying tension between you and Aoi. But he somehow did. 

The three of you sat in the living room -- the two of them cuddled on the couch while you curled up under a throw blanket with your phone open to Twitter on the loveseat. They were watching some movie Aoi picked out that you knew Shinsou hated, but he watched it anyway. The thought made you bitter.

You’d never make him watch movies he hated. That’s just selfish. 

You let out a sigh, catching your best friend’s attention immediately.

“What is it, darlin’?” he asked, the usual pet name he used for you making your stomach flutter. Aoi’s eyes narrowed in distaste at it but he paid her no mind.

“Oh, I’ve just got a bit of a headache,” you mumbled, locking your phone to look over at him.

He frowned, concerned, pulling his arm from around his girlfriend’s shoulders. She whined at the loss, attempting to pull him back but he paid her no mind.

He disappeared from the living room to the kitchen. You could hear the refrigerator open before he began shuffling around the cabinets.

“You’re not slick,” Aoi hissed, keeping her voice low, “Why don’t you just go away. Don’t you think he’d prefer to be alone with his girlfriend? You’re just a third wheel.”

You didn’t get to reply before Shinsou returned, holding a glass of your chocolate milk and a couple pills. He smiled, handing everything to you before taking a seat with Aoi again. She immediately clung to him with a whine.

“Thank you Toshi,” you smiled, popping the pills in your mouth before taking a quick gulp of the milk. 

“Anytime, darlin’” he smiled, turning his attention back to the movie he hated. 

Part of you felt prideful that he was willing to pull himself away from his girlfriend to take care of you. She clearly saw you as competition and you couldn’t deny the giddy feeling it gave you when you proved to her that you meant something to Shinsou. 

You noticed very quickly when Shinsou stopped calling you by his nickname. It baffled you and you didn’t hesitate to bring it up to him.

“Ah, Aoi mentioned she doesn’t like it when I call other girls pet names,” he rubbed the back of his neck in that familiarly anxious way of him. He was avoiding your gaze, further ticking you off.

“I’m not other girls, Hitoshi,” he visibly cringed at hearing his full name, “I’m your best friend. You’ve always called me that.”

He sighed, biting his lip, clearly torn, “Sorry _____,” you frowned at the sound of your name. It seemed so foreign hearing it where he’d usually call you ‘darlin’’, “She is my girlfriend and it’d be shitty of me to neglect her wishes. I want this to work, you know?”

You rolled your eyes, arms crossing over your chest, “This is stupid Hitoshi.”

He sighed, clearly growing annoyed as well, “Look, you’re just my friend, alright? So back off.”

Your jaw fell open at those words, tears already starting to sting at your eyes, “Just your friend? That’s low, Hitoshi. I am not just your friend and you know it.”

He groaned, running a hand through his already messy hair, “You’re starting to sound jealous and clingy, _____. It’s not a good look.”

Feeling that the tears were going to spill any moment, you shook your head and stormed past him, “Screw you Shinsou.”

You slammed your bedroom door, missing the sight of him burying his face in his hands. Hearing you address him by his last name was even worse than hearing his first. 

Things remained tense between the two of you for a week. You had really been hurt by his words. You always thought you meant a lot to him -- that you’d never be the person who was pushed aside for a relationship. You never thought Shinsou would do that. 

As a result, you made no effort to even speak to him. Sometimes you’d pass him while he sat on the couch, Aoi snuggled up to him. Whenever you made eye contact with you, she held this smug, superior look that made you want to clock her. 

You’d never hated a girlfriend of his more.

Finally, Shinsou gave in. He couldn’t stand not having you to talk to. There was this heavy feeling lingering on his shoulders every time he thought about the cold way you called him by his last name. He never wanted to be addressed like that by you. 

There were a series of knocks on your door and you paused, debating on ignoring him. He knocked again when you took too long to answer.

“Come in,” you groaned, putting your laptop aside to give him your attention.

“Hey,” he smiled half-heartedly as he slipped into your room, closing the door behind him. 

“What do you want?” you asked, no bite in your voice.

He sighed, taking a seat beside you on the bed, “I want to apologize for what I said. I know that hurt your feelings so I’m sorry.”

You were quiet for a moment before you sat up straighter, “Hitoshi...I don’t want you to become a different person because of a girl.”

“What do you mean?” he frowned. 

You sighed, “I think she’s a bad influence on you, Toshi.”

He softened briefly at your use of his nickname but it was quickly replaced by a cold stare that sent shivers down your spine, “A-A bad influence? I’m not a kid, _____.”

You frowned, “You don’t have to be a kid to be negatively influenced by another person's toxicity, Hitoshi.”

“You think she’s toxic?” he scoffed, standing up, “You don’t even know her. You’ve barely even spoken to her.”

“Well the bit that I have spoken to her was not pleasant,” you spat, moving to sit at the edge of the bed with your feet on the floor, “I don’t think she’s good for you.”

“What are you, my mother now?” he growled, spinning around to glare at you, “Maybe I was wrong...maybe you are just jealous.”

“How am I acting jealous?” you cried, growing frustrated, “Caring about your wellbeing is jealousy now?”

“Oh get off it,” he groaned, “What’s she done then, huh? Tell me.”

You paused, remembering her threat. But you were so pissed off you couldn’t keep it in anymore, “She’s threatened me to stay away from you. She’s so insecure about our friendship she threatened me over it! Said you were hers and I better remember that. She’s crazy!”

“She didn’t say that,” he argued, eyes narrowed maliciously, “You’re just making shit up to make her look bad now. That’s really low, _____.”

“You asked me to tell you what she did and then you just don’t believe me?!” you screeched, tossing your hands up in exasperation.

“I thought you’d tell me the truth, not make up some pathetic lie!” he shouted, making you flinch. 

“Pathetic?” you breathed, shoulders sagging, “Is that what you think of me?”

He was quiet for a moment, jaw set. He seemed to be thinking his words carefully, which made his next even more painful, “Yeah. I do. This jealousy and lying of yours is pathetic. I get if you don’t like her but don’t make up shit about her,” he made way for the door, yanking it open, “Grow the fuck up, ______.”

You didn’t get a chance to reply before he was slamming your door shut. All at once, your emotions came crashing down and you buried your face in your pillow to silence your sobs. 

Your eyes fluttered open and you groaned, feeling your head pound. A glance out the window showed that it was nighttime. You had fallen asleep. 

You climbed out of bed to your desk to find your packet of headache pills. You let out a sigh of relief as you swallowed them down with the bottle of water sat on your nightstand. Flopping back into bed, you closed your eyes and attempted to relax your body. 

Just as it seemed that you were going to fall back asleep, there was a loud noise from past your door. You frowned, your eyes fluttering open in confusion. 

It came again and it took you a moment to realize what it was. A woman’s moan. 

“Toshi!” you heard her squeal, making you flinch.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” you hissed, feeling those tears come burning their way back. 

“That feel good, baby? Let me hear you,” he growled and your hands flew up to cover your ears to muffle the sounds of her pleasure. 

This was low for Shinsou. Sure, he’d had sex with girlfriends before but he always made sure to keep it down for your sake. Now he was just doing it to dig at you. 

He wasn’t wrong about your jealousy but you knew he thought you were jealous over his attention being taken away. But that wasn’t the case at all. It was because you were in love with him. 

Now he was forcing you to listen to him fuck the girlfriend you literally had a fight over. This wasn’t like Shinsou at all. 

She really was just a terrible influence on him but he was too in love to see it. She was making him into a different person and you hated it. It was happening so quickly. 

As you laid in bed, tears wetting your bed as you hid your head under your pillow, you couldn’t help but think.

The stupid fool really fell in love way too easily. 

Things went from bad to worse astonishingly fast. Aoi was over more often than she had been before. The snotty comments and humiliating words from her every time you saw her and the cold, deadly glare Shinsou set on you whenever you came anywhere near his girlfriend was wearing on you. 

You were unhappy. It was an emotion you rarely ever felt around him -- Shinsou was always the one to pick you up, not put you down. It got to the point where he wouldn’t even respond to your greetings or questions, giving you the complete silent treatment. 

It hurt. 

To escape the suffocating negativity of your apartment, you picked up even more shifts at work. The video game shop became a place you found solace in. 

If Shinsou noticed your absence, he didn’t make it known to you. 

“Will that be all for you today?” you asked, plastering on a fake, customer service smile onto your face.

“Yeah, I guess,” he mumbled, slapping down a few bills to cover the charge, “But I think I’d like to add your number to my receipt.”

You took a moment to look at him. He had blonde hair with a lightning bolt of black through it. He was dressed in black jeans, a t-shirt, and a leather jacket. He was cute, you’d give him that.

“Is that the best you could come up with?” you asked, opening the register with a brow raised.

He giggled, making you smile despite yourself, “I was on a time crunch I didn’t want to miss my chance.”

“Who said you had a chance to begin with?” you asked, passing him his change, “3.14 is your change.”

“Well, I was hoping you’d give one to me,” he shrugged, stuffing the change into  his pocket before grabbing the bagged video game he’d purchased. 

You gazed at him for a moment. He was charismatic and cute. He liked video games just like you. And he’d be a great distraction.

“Sure, why not?” you mused, watching his eyes go wide.

“Wait really?” he gasped, a grin stretching across his face.

“Did you think I’d say no?” you asked. 

“U-Usually I get rejected so…” he shrugged, scratching the back of his head with a cute blush reaching his ears, “Anyway, when’s your shift end?”

“Um...closing time, so about 8:30,” you replied, glancing at the clock. 5 hours left. 

“Sweet, I’ll pick you up!” he grinned.

“I-I’ll have to change though!” you complained, making him pause and shake his head.

“Don’t worry about it!” with those parting words, he bolted out the door, the bell chiming to signal his departure. 

As he disappeared from view, you realized you didn’t even know his name. 

You would come to find he was Denki Kaminari; a college student majoring in graphic design. He had a friend named Katsuki Bakugou who was as loud as he was angry. Eijirou Kirishima was a kind, chill guy who mellowed out the explosive Bakugou well. Mina and Sato, two friends-turned-lovers, were a common source of laughter for the group. 

You were together for a little over a month and a half when he finally asked to meet your friends. Truth be told, the only person you could consider a friend would be Shinsou. You had acquaintances and those you hung real casually with but Shinsou was the only person you’d consider a friend.

Well, you weren’t sure if he could even be called that anymore. 

Eventually, you gave in and decided to bring Kaminari to your apartment. 

“Whoa, nice place,” he mumbled, looking around. 

“You think so? Thanks,” you smiled, leading him towards the living room, “Like I said...things are...tense between me and Hitoshi so…”

“Who’re you?” a familiar voice came from the entry of the hallway. 

Shinsou stood there, messy hair and tired eyed wearing basketball shorts and an oversized t-shirt. His eyes burned holes into Kaminari, who visibly shrunk beneath the heated glare. You took note of how Shinsou didn’t even look at you. 

That still hurt.

“I’m Denki Kaminari,” the blonde replied, approaching Shinsou to shake his hand, “I’m _____’s boyfriend!”

You didn’t miss the shift in Shinsou’s look, his eyebrows perking up ever so slightly. His gaze finally shifted to you before he scoffed from his nose, making you wince. 

“Alright,” Shinsou mumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets before turning his back to the both of you, stalking back to his room with a slam of the door. 

Kaminari winced, “Boy, you weren’t kidding.”

“Yeah,” you sighed, motioning him to follow you, “Let’s head to my room. I don’t know if Aoi is here or not and I don’t care to find out.”

“I kinda wanna meet her too,” your boyfriend whispered, lowering his voice so it didn’t carry to Shinsou.

“No you don’t,” you chuckled, shutting your bedroom door once the two of you were safely inside. 

You sat beside him on the bed, reaching for your remote to click the TV on for background noise. He cuddled in beside you, commenting on how soft your bed was. 

“You smell really good,” he suddenly whispered, nosing at your neck. 

You blinked in surprise, moving your head so he could get a better angle, “Th-Thanks…”

He hummed as you shivered once he pressed a few soft kisses against your neck. It tickled a bit but also sent a strange tingle down your spine the more he kissed. Your heart hammered in your chest and you briefly wondered if Denki could hear it. 

He cupped your jaw, pulling you into a deep kiss. His tongue met your bottom lip, making you sigh against his lips. 

You barely noticed his hand crawling up your shirt until it snuck beneath the band of your bra. The unfamiliar feeling of someone cupping your breast had you pulled away, tugging on Kaminari’s hand to pull him away. 

“W-We shouldn’t…” you whispered, unsure of how to reject him, “W-With Shinsou the way he is…”

Kaminari looked skeptical for a second before nodding his head, “Got it.”

And that was that. 

At least you thought until he began trying more and more. It became common for you to find his hand up your shirt. The feeling made you uneasy, making you realize you really weren’t ready to have sex. Kaminari was your first boyfriend and you weren’t willing to give everything up to him like that.

“Why do you always stop me?” Kaminari asked one day, voice soft and reassuring.

“I just…” you cleared your throat, biting your lip, “I don’t want to go that far yet.”

He was quiet for a moment before smiling and nodding his head, pulling you closer to him with a kiss to your forehead. Your body relaxed, thankful that he wasn’t angry with you like you had feared he would be. 

He began following your wishes, no longer attempting to go past kissing. You were thankful. 

Unfortunately, your bliss didn’t last long because next thing you knew, he was dumping you. Over text. 

You had just got home from work, your feet aching and dread pooling in your stomach at the idea of being home. You were so tired of being scared to come home, it was exhausting. Shinsou was sitting on the couch, eating something he’d made himself for dinner with his back to you. He didn’t even show any signs that he knew you were home. 

Lingering by the door, you pulled your phone out to check your notifications. 

One from Denki made your heart stop -- the preview text already displaying what you feared. Your fingers were trembling as you unlocked your phone to look at the message. 

As you read it, the words grew blurrier until tears began to drip onto your screen -- further obscuring the words there. 

A small whimper escaped your throat, despite the way you tried to choke down any sounds. You quickly scurried to get to your bedroom when a strong hand snagged your wrist. Wide eyed, you were spun around to find Shinsou wearing a frown and furrowed brows. 

“Why are you crying?” he asked, voice stern with concern. 

You shook your head, feeling pathetic. You didn’t like Kaminari that much. Truthfully, you were mostly dating him to get away from Shinsou. But the idea that you were dumped because you wouldn’t have sex was utterly humiliating. Your first real boyfriend dumped you because you wouldn’t put out. 

“You were right,” you sniffled, unable to hold back the sob that tore through your chest, “I am pathetic.”

He didn’t have the chance to even think of a reply before you were escaping his hold to hide away in your bedroom. You haphazardly stripped and changed into your softest set of clothes, deciding you were going to wallow in your own self pity for the night. 

Your humiliation overshadowed the fact Shinsou had shown you the first sign of care in weeks. He had reacted to your crying just as he always had and instinctively moved to comfort you. 

You could hear muffled voices from the hallway, one male and one female. The fact he brought her over after you just had a near meltdown in front of him irked you and only brought more tears forth. 

A sense of anger rushed over you -- you didn’t want her there. This was your house and you didn’t want her there while you were going through it. You had half a mind to go out there and kick her out, maybe Shinsou would let it slide since you were clearly having a tough time. 

What you didn’t expect were the shouts coming from them. You frowned and walked towards your door, cracking it open to listen to their shouting from the living room.

“You’re kicking me out?!” Aoi cried. 

“I’m not kicking you out,” Shinsou sighed, “You don’t live here. I’m just asking you to go home for the night, Aoi.”

“Why should I?” Aoi argued, “Because she’s upset? Who cares!”

“I care!” Shinsou snapped.

Aoi scoffed, “Oh yeah, since when? Last I checked you picked me over her!”

“I didn’t pick anyone over anyone,” Shinsou huffed.

“Really?” Aoi’s tone was dripping in sarcasm, “You haven’t paid her a second of attention since your little fight. I doubt you even noticed how she’s been working full-time instead of part-time. Why do you think that is? To get away from you! Not that I give a shit, but you have been treating her like dirt. So don’t even try and pretend you give a shit, I know you don’t. You only feel bad because she’s crying. Once she gets over it you’ll just come back to me in the end. So just let her sulk by herself, she’s a big girl.”

Shinsou was quiet after that. You were sure he wasn’t even going to respond but you continued to stand there and listen. The apartment was silent, you could even hear the ticking of the decorative clock Shinsou’s mother had given you both. 

“She was right, huh?” he finally whispered.

“Huh?” Aoi replied, clearly annoyed.

“I really did let you turn me into someone else,” he sighed, “God, I’m so stupid.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Hitoshi?” she snapped, growing impatient over the argument. 

“You should leave,” Shinsou said, voice strong once again, “You and I are done.”

“What?!” Aoi shrieked, stomping her foot, “You can’t dump me! Not for her!”

“Get out, Aoi,” Shinsou growled, yanking the front door open.

She scoffed, “Don’t come crawling back to me when you learn she isn’t worth it.”

The slam of the door signalled the end. Silence ensued and you slipped back into your room, letting your door shut silently. 

Just as you expected, there were a few soft knocks on your door. You didn’t reply but he opened up anyway, peeking in to find you sitting on the bed with your head hung.

“I assume you heard all that,” he said, cupping the back of his neck nervously. 

“Yeah, kind of hard to miss,” you mumbled, feeling awkward about sharing this moment with him.

You didn’t look up when he sat down beside you. With a sudden tug, you found yourself wrapped up in a sweet embrace. 

“Why were you crying? Did something happen with that Kaminari dude? Did he hurt you?” his concern brought forth a new flood of tears that you let go. 

“He dumped me,” you whined, clinging to the front of his shirt.

“Why?” he asked, petting your hair softly.

You scoffed, shame building up inside you, “Because I didn’t want to have sex with him.”

Immediately he pushed you back by your shoulders to look at your face, “He dumped you ‘cause you wouldn’t fuck him?”

“Yeah,” you mumbled, avoiding his gaze, “He said he had needs and he wasn’t willing to wait for me to put out.”

“Jesus,” Shinsou scoffed, shaking his head, “What a prick,” he pulled you into his chest again with a sigh, “It’s good you didn’t sleep with him then. He wouldn’t have been worth it.”

“Yeah, I would have regretted it,” you nodded, “I’m not even sad he broke up with me. I just feel like shit that it was over sex. He was my first boyfriend and I got dumped because I wasn’t ready...that sort of feels shitty, you know?”

Shinsou nodded, resting his cheek atop your head, “I understand. It’s like a blow to your self-esteem, yeah?”

“Exactly,” you sniffled, your tears finally coming to a stop as he held you and let you talk, “I didn’t like him enough to sleep with him anyway. Even if I was ready.”

Shinsou chuckled, “Well, I’m glad you’re not heartbroken over it.”

You were quiet for a long moment before you pulled away from him, “How are you? I know you liked Aoi.”

Shinsou frowned, looking at his hands in his lap before shrugging, “I actually don’t really feel anything.”

“Really?” you asked, surprised. Usually he would be in tears by now. But he was right, there wasn’t even an ounce of sadness in his eyes.

He nodded, “All I really cared about was you. I guess realizing what she really was wiped out anything I felt for her. Truthfully, it was probably going to be over soon anyway.”

“Why do you say that?” you asked.

“We just didn’t have good chemistry, I suppose. The sex was great but beyond that we didn’t really share any common interests,” he explained, leaning back on his hands with a sigh.

You cringed at the mention of sex -- remembering the night you sobbed as you were forced to listen to them go at it. Shinsou seemed to notice your discomfort, leaning up straight once more to take your hands in his. 

“I’m sorry, ______,” he breathed, making you look up at him, “I was such a fuckin’ asshole to you. You didn’t deserve that and if you chose to never forgive me I would understand. But I promise I will never let a girl come first again. You’re my best friend, you’re the entire world to me and you will always be here when all the girls leave, I know that. No one can ever replace you.”

His words caused a flood of tears to flood down your cheeks again. You threw your arms around his shoulders, tugging him into a desperate hug. He wrapped his arms around your waist, fisting the back of your shirt with his face buried in your neck. 

“I will always be here, Toshi,” you hiccuped, “I really will. It doesn’t matter if you choose the next 50 girls over me, I would never let you go. I would rather live with you ignoring me and making me cry over not having you at all.”

He sighed, tears of his own falling from his eyes and wetting your skin but you didn’t mind, “I would never ask that of you.”

“You don’t have to,” you whispered, voice trembling. You couldn’t stop the next words from coming, you didn’t even try, “That’s how strong my love is for you, Toshi. I would do anything for your happiness. I’ll let you cry on my shoulder when girl after girl breaks your heart, even though it hurts so damn much because I know I would never, ever let you down like that. I’ll sit with you in the living room while another girl is wrapped in your arms, desperately wishing it was me, because you want me and her to be friends. You don’t even know it but you have every bit of me,” your voice broke as you let out a sob, taking a stuttering breath before continuing, “I never dated because I only ever loved you. You’re the only one I ever want to love. I don’t even care if you don’t feel the same, Toshi, I just needed you to know...I have loved you since we were kids. Whenever your mom joked that we would get married, I used to go to sleep hoping it would come true one day. You’re it for me, you know?”

Shinsou was still, every muscle in his body tense against you. You remained relaxed, relishing in being held in his arms even though it very well may be the last time you would ever experience it. His tears had stopped and you could feel his hands trembling against your back from where he was still holding your shirt in tight fists. 

Finally, slowly, he pulled away. You avoided his gaze, scared of what you may find there. With trembling fingers, he lifted your chin until you were finally forced to meet his gaze.

“______…” he whispered, your voice like honey on his lips, “Is that true? Since we were kids?”

You chuckled through your still falling tears, “Remember that time at the summer festival when I wandered off and you had to chase me? And I got scared because I couldn’t find our parents? When you let me hold onto you and you kept reassuring me that everything was okay…” you shrugged, your voice cracking as you uttered, “I knew I loved you then. And I love you to this day.”

His wide eyes were glassy as he stared at you, mouth agape in his shock. It was so much for him to take in. 

Before you knew what was happening, he was leaning in and pressing his lips against yours. Your vision went white for a second in shock at the feeling. 

His lips were soft and as you began to kiss back, you tasted coffee on his lips. Typical of Shinsou, it was late at night and he was still drinking coffee. The thought made you smile and you wrapped your arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. He cupped the back of your head, a soft sigh escaping him as he moved his lips expertly until you were breathless.

After a long moment, he pulled away. The both of you were panting, eyes lidded as you processed what just happened.

“Toshi…” you whispered, feeling euphoric after kissing him, “I don’t understand.”

He shook his head, cupping your cheek, “All you need to know...is that I love you too.”

You gaped at those words coming from his lips. Surging forward, you pressed your lips against his again. He smiled into the kiss, leaning further against you until you were forced to lay back against the mattress. His body was hovering above yours, held up by his elbows on either side of your head.

He wasted no time in touching your body, years of desperation finally culminating into this one moment. His hand slid beneath your shirt, pushing the hem up to expose the soft skin of your belly.  He paused at your ribs, unsure if you were okay with him going any further. But when you gripped his wrist and urged his hand up to cup your breast, he threw away those inhibitions. 

Thumbing your sensitive nipple, you keened as they hardened beneath his touch. He leaned down a bit more to press his lips against yours. 

You lost yourself against his lips, whimpering and grinding against nothing. Just the fact the man you’d loved for so long was there touching you after years of craving it had your panties soaked. 

“You’re so pretty,” he whispered, breaking from the kiss to kiss down your body. 

You trembled beneath him, watching him with rapt attention as he kissed the exposed skin of your stomach and ribs. Sighing, you let him push your shirt over your head to discard off the side of the bed. He leaned forward, enveloping one of the pert buds in his hot mouth, tonguing at it until you were whining and begging him to give attention to the other one. He did so eagerly, providing a stimulating suck before finally pulling away. His lips were swollen and his cheeks were flushed, the very fact you made him that way was dizzying. 

“Wanna taste that perfect cunt too, baby,” he growled, voice losing the soft, sweetness it once held. 

“O-Okay,” you agreed easily, raising your hips so he could tug the last remaining articles off of your body. 

The second you were bare, his hands were pinning your thighs open. His eyes examined every inch of your pussy -- taking in the juices dripping from your clenching hole. 

“You’re so fucking wet,” he groaned, using his thumbs to spread your folds apart, “so pretty too, god. Look at you...you’re perfect. Bet you’re so sweet…”

“Please Toshi…” you whimper, reaching down to tangle your fingers into his hair.

His eyes fluttered at the feeling, allowing you to pull him to your pussy where he eagerly ran his tongue flat between your spread folds. You gasped, eyes slamming shut as he paused to wrap his lips around your clit for just a split second. The teasing touch was addictive and you suddenly wanted more. 

Shinsou understood what it is you wanted and quickly dove back in for more. Circling his tongue around your clit, your back arched. You wanted to close your thighs against the stimulation but his strong hands kept your legs pinned open. 

He swirled his tongue quickly, moaning before enveloping the bud in his hot mouth. You tugged his hair, crying out his name as you felt a high approaching rapidly. He looked so good between your thighs, eating your cunt like you’d dreamed of for ages. 

Suddenly, he pulled away, licking his lips before sitting up.

“Fuck, tell me babygirl,” he breathed, “You gonna let me fuck this pretty cunt?” you nodded, reaching to push his shit up but he stopped you, looking you in the eyes, “Use your words. Tell me.”

“Yes, please fuck me Shinsou!” you begged.

He grinned, pressing a kiss against your lips before stripping himself of his clothes. 

You almost gasped at the sight of his cock. He was big; long and thick. Subconsciously, you clenched your thighs together in anticipation. 

“You ready?” he asked, scooting to sit between your spread legs. 

You tensed up as he prodded your entrance with the fat head of his cock. He realized how tense you were and ran his hand along your thigh to soothe you, “You good? You can back out anytime, darlin’.”

You swallowed thickly, feeling your cheeks heat up as you looked at him through your lashes, “I-It’s just...go slow?”

He frowned, brows drawn together before he backed away from you a bit, “Is this your first time, sweetheart?”

Licking your lips, you hesitated before nodding. Shinsou sighed, hanging his head to rest against your collarbone. You frowned, “I-Is that bad?” you asked. 

Truth was, you never wanted anyone but him. You never had a desire to have sex with anyone but him. You knew he was the one person you’d never regret being with. 

“No!” he sat up, eyes wide before wrapping his hand around the nape of his neck nervously, “I just wish you would have told me sooner...that was almost bad.”

“Why?” you asked,making him chuckle. He shook his head and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Well…” clearing his throat, he looked off to the side bashfully, “My dick’s not exactly the smallest around and since you’re a virgin you could do with...a lot more preparation, you know?”

Your cheeks were ablaze from the bluntness of his words. He didn’t waste another second in bringing his hand to your still wet pussy. 

He sighed, a smile lingering on his lips as he worked his middle finger into your tight hole. Humming, he bit his lip as he slipped his ring finger alongside it. You sighed, eyes fluttering at the mild stretch that came along with it. 

“Feel okay?” he asked softly, working the two fingers in and out of your hole. 

You nodded, “Feels good,” you breathed. 

Your eyes fell closed as he crooked his fingers upwards to touch that sweet spot on top. Your hips jumped at the sensation, ripping a moan from your swollen lips. He smirked, burying the digits deep, licking his lips at the way your juices gushed out from around them. 

With his other hand, he found your clit, circling the bud with his thumb as he worked his index finger into the mix. The added stimulation to your clit made your wall clench tightly and he grunted, imagining what it would feel like around his cock. 

“Please Toshi,” you begged, “I want you already.”

“Thank you’re ready?” he asked, although he already knew the answer. 

And he was right when you whimpered out a pathetic little, “Yes!”

He resumed the position from earlier, his tip pressed against your entrance. It was opened a bit from his three fingers but he knew it was still going to be a tight fit. 

He took your hand in his, lacing your fingers together as he began to sink into your cunt. You whimpered as your walls stretched around him, squeezing his hand. He bottomed out quickly, stilling to let you adjust to being stuffed so full of his thick cock. 

“Does it hurt?” he asked, pressing a kiss to your lips. 

“N-No…” you mumbled, “Just...feels weird.”

He chuckled, kissing your lips again. He could feel you squeezing around him, your cunt unused to having such a big cock inside. The fact he was your first, the one taking your virginity -- tainting your pure body was turning him on more than he ever thought it would. 

He couldn’t even lie and say he’d never taken a cherry before but with you it was different. He felt a sense of pride and possessiveness wash over him; you were his completely. You had given him your heart and your body. 

Burying his face in your neck, he pressed kisses against the sweet spot he easily found there. Grinding his hips against yours, he stirred your insides with his thick length until you were arching your hips to get more of the addictive pleasure only he could bring you. 

He pulled out halfway, slowly sinking his cock back inside with a groan.

“That’s a good girl,” he praised, eyes glued to where your cunt was stretched around him, “Taking me so well, look at that.”

“Feels so good,” you whimpered, clutching the sheets beneath you in your fists.

“Yeah?” he grinned, pulling out so the tip remained only to surge forward and sink his cock into you in one long thrust. Immediately, your back arched and you let out an erotic moan that had his cock throbbing against your walls, “Fuck, my cocks almost too much for you but you’re bein’ such a good girl for me, aren’t you? Taking what I give you...fuck…”

His praise and dirty words went straight to your core. He set a steady pace, making sure to angle his hips up so he could hit your g-spot. The pleasure had your eyes rolling back and you cried out his name every so often, making his heart race. 

“Sound so pretty sayin’ my name…” he groaned, cupping your breasts in his hands as he fucked you, “Pussy’s so tight and wet...I can feel you dripping, you know that? Who would have thought such a pretty cunt could get so messy. But you only get this messy for me, right darlin’?”

“Only you!” you babbled, wrapping your arms around his neck to press your lips against his. He moaned into your mouth, reaching between your bodies to circle your clit, “Fuck! Toshi, y-you’re gonna make me cum!”

“Fuck,” he groaned, “Do it then, sweetheart. Go on, cum on my fucking cock.”

A few more thrusts and circles over your swollen bud had you falling over the edge. Your body trembled and arched beneath him, cunt spasming around him as he worked you dutifully through your orgasm. 

Once you came down, he pulled his hand from your clit and pulled out. You were panting, body limp and relaxed as you let him move you onto your hands and knees. Keeping your face buried in the pillow, you allowed him to maneuver you into the proper position. 

He pressed his hand down on the small of your back, “Arch your back for me, good girl.”

“Th-This is embarrassing, Toshi…” you whispered into the pillow. 

He hummed, gripping his cock to direct himself back into the sweet vice of your cunt, “No reason to be embarrassed, kitten. It’s just me...you can trust me.”

“I-I know...but still…” you whimpered, eyes fluttering as he sunk his cock deep inside. The position allowed him to reach a new depth. 

“Do you want to stop?” he asked softly, running his hand along your spin. 

You hesitated for a second, focusing on the pleasurable sensation of being filled so completely before shaking your head. He grinned, leaning down to kiss your shoulder blade, “Good girl.”

The praise went to your head and you suddenly had a desire to receive more. You wanted to be good for him -- be his good girl. 

You lifted your head from the pillow and cried out his name, fucking yourself back against his cock. He grinned, slapping your ass lighter than he usually would do it -- he wasn’t sure how you would take to it. When he felt you clench around him in response, he grinned. That was something worth looking into it seemed. 

“Toshi…” you whined, reaching back to grip at his hip.

He hummed, slowing ever so slightly, “What is it, kitten?”

“Please…” you whined, feeling your cheeks flush with embarrassment over what you desperately wanted to ask him.

“Please what?” he whispered, kissing your shoulder blade again, “Tell me what you need, baby.”

“C-Call me...y-your goog girl again…” you whispered, immediately burying your face in your pillow. 

He paused, eyes wide before another grin grew across his face. Wrapping his arm around your waist, he pulled you up until your back was pressed against his chest. You cried out, his cock stilling inside you as he pressed his lips against your ear.

“You like being praised huh?” he asked, chuckling when you nodded, leaning your head back to rest on his shoulder. He enjoyed the fucked out look on your face, “Like being my good girl, hm? Such a pretty, sweet girl for me…”

You whimpered, walls clenching around his still cock, “I-I love you Toshi…”

He hummed, reaching down to find your clit. Circling over the bud, you keened, eyes fluttering as your cunt clenched tight around him, “I know you do, sweetheart.”

Suddenly, your walls squeezed, clamping down tight. He groaned, cursing under his breath as he felt your body seize up in your orgasm, trembling and gushing around his cock. He pressed his lips against your shoulder, looking down to where his length was buried completely inside. 

You began to rock yourself along his cock, your orgasm flying to new heights as he never stopped playing with your sensitive bud. 

Suddenly, he watched with wide eyes as your cum squirted out, soaking the bed and your thighs. 

“Shit,” he growled, providing a few quick slaps against your clit, making you squirt just a few more times, “What a good fucking girl you are. Look at the mess you made. You’re so perfect, I love you so much.”

Those words had you clenching once again. That finally sent him over the edge himself. He rocked into you, holding you tight against him. His cock throbbed, spitting hot cum into your sensitive cunt. 

He cupped your breasts, groaning in the throes of his orgasm as he pressed kisses against your shoulder, neck, and cheek. 

When he finally came down, he gently laid you on the bed, pulling his cock out. His cum gushed from your hole without his length to stop it. You cringed, the feeling unpleasant to say the least. 

He got out of bed to go to the bathroom intending to get a cloth to clean you with. 

When he was gone, you found yourself thinking about what just happened. One particular thought was on your mind and when he returned, you didn’t hesitate to voice it.

“W-We didn’t use a condom…” you mumbled. 

He hummed, “Were we supposed to? I thought you were on birth control.”

“I am...it’s just…” you frowned, clearing your throat as you watched him wiped your thighs and sensitive folds free of your mixed cum.

“What?” he sat beside you, fixing you with a steady gaze, urging you to confess your thoughts to him. 

“You were just...dating, you know...Aoi and…” you sighed, averting your gaze from him, “Other girls before.”

He chuckled, laying beside you, “What, you’re concerned I have something?”

“Well no...not necessarily…” you frowned as he cupped your cheek, making you look at him.

“If you must know…” he shrugged before continuing, “I always used a condom with them.”

“Really?” he nodded at your question, “Then...why with me?”

“Because you’re you,” he smiled, kissing your lips, pulling you to lay against his chest, “You’re the one for me, kitten. That’s all you need to worry about.”

Yes, Hitoshi Shinsou fell in love easily. But he never gave those girls his heart. He cried because he thought he could never have you. The truth was, you had always owned his heart. It had always been in your hands. 

#bnha x reader #shinsou x reader #bnha smut #shinsou smut #hitoshi shinsou x reader #shinsou hitoshi x reader #mha x reader #bnha imagines #mha imagines #mha smut #afton.writes

[miwtze]

mediocrity is a skill in its own right (sakusa kiyoomi x reader)

cw: insecurity in ones self, self hatred, depression yk the good stuff 😐 post time skip

wc: 1.2K 

notes: i dont ever edit anything so as per usual no beta i die like a bitch. 

you feel stupid. it’s another day past twelve when your body crumbles with exhaustion but your mind doesn’t allow you to rest. you can’t count the number of times you’ve stayed up attempting to shove the thoughts of inferiority eating away at your soul. the feeling of giving yourself up whole only to never be enough. after all no one wanted someone mediocre.

sometimes you wonder would what it would be like to be like sakusa, a person who cultivated a skill into a talent that’s become second nature. maybe if you stuck to one thing instead of throwing things at a wall to see what stuck you would feel more complete. you can’t find it in your heart to be upset at the sakusas of the world or even the hinatas of the world, who have been blessed with both talent and ambition. of which you have neither. you don’t have the desire to be something great, to be standing at the top, to be the sole messiah leading a legion of lost souls but you crave to anything, anything at all.

it was dizzying the amount of times you’ve tried to grow as a person only to be left with the fleeting sense of being just okay. maybe you were selfish for wanting more because technically being half way decent at anything is better than being dogshit at it. you wish you could hold on to the moments where you felt as though you had potential, to bottle it in a jar and let it build up but like sand in an hour glass it always seems to slip though.

you always find yourself telling yourself that if you can spend time feeling like this you can spend energy doing better. but you never do, instead you always find yourself curled into yourself letting the bubbles of insecurity trickle down from your eyes. you’ve gotten good at keeping quiet when you cry, never wanting to bother sakusa in his slumber who found it unpleasant to be disturbed by mundane things.

when you shuffle around to curl into sakusa you’re met with tired eyes looking down on you. you realize that everything that has can be given to you will always settle with dust no matter how hard you try to brush it away. at some point or another, becoming far too exhausting to clean up and way to dirty to keep around. it feels like lifetimes pass as you stare into each other completely unsure as to how to navigate the situation presenting itself on your queen sized mattress. eventually sakusa shifts, gesturing for you to sit up as he reaches over to turn the nightlight on. you wait with your palms folded over each other for something.

“you know you can talk to me right?” he seems uncomfortable, like words he wants to say aren’t the ones coming out of his mouth. “i know i’m not the most approachable person by any means but i don’t want you to be alone.” he’s words are gently, heartfelt. you can’t bring yourself to believe that someone would speak to you with such affection. “i know you don’t reach out when you need someone. i know you’ve been upset for a while i just didn’t know how-”

“it’s not your fault, omi. i didn’t want to be a burden is all.”you wanted to ease some of the tension you placed on him, but when you see his jaw clench, you realize you’re probably doing more harm than good. “i didn’t realize i was being so loud, i’m really really sorry i didn’t mean to make it hard for you.” he sighs opening his arms, you crawl into them with your heartbeat in your ears.

“that’s not the reason why it’s hard for me. i want to be able to support you the way you support me, but you’re about as emotionally constipated as me. fuck, actually you’re probably worse.” you giggle into his chest as he brushes through your hair. “i’m not a therapist or anything but i can always listen and comfort you.”

you tilt your head up to meet his eyes, the tears poking the corners of your eyes were threatening to spill into a whole new emotion. one that made the butterflies in your stomach go crazy even as your head tries to reel them them in convincing you that you didn’t deserve his love. “do you really want to know or do you want to go to sleep and your conscience won’t let you go to sleep without at least doing damage control.”

“babe if you’re going to be annoying the only thing my conscience is going to want to do is toss you out the window.”

“omi we’re on the first floor nothing will come of that.”

“no critical damage then.” he leans down to place a kiss on your lips, hovering over to rest his forehead on yours. “so what’s got your feelings all twisted?” you want to tell him it’s okay, that he should go to sleep, that he has practice in the morning but more than anything you want to let him into the dusty hallways housing your insecurities on picture frames that you can never seem to tear your eyes away from.

“you know like it’s kind of stupid.” he shakes his head, encouraging you to continue. “but i just, i don’t know, really want to feel fulfillment in the things i do you know? but for someone like me-” you’re crying again trembling in his arms as he coaxes you into spilling more. “-i can never really be anything more than just okay at something. and it’s hard because you’re so amazing, almost everyone around me is but i’m just some npc support character. i just wish i had more to offer because you deserve someone better and can-”

“i’m not sure where you got the idea that i am the one that deserves more when i know you offer the world and back to be when i can only give you myself, but rather than that i feel like-” he stops picking his next works carefully as to not unintentionally hurt your feeling. “-you’re spending more time comparing yourself and ultimately end up ignoring the little things that make you reason that you’ve become a pillar in my life.”

“but i’m so so just boring and normal.” he smiles down at you, brushing away your tears.

“you’re the only one that sees yourself that way. maybe you’ll always only see yourself as mediocre but i hope you know that people have define normal in different ways.” he pulls you down into bed placing you on his chest and securing you in his warmth as he continues. “you’re far more than normal. there really isn’t a word that can justify what you mean to me and how otherworldly you are.” he pauses. “maybe extraterrestrial?”

“omi you were doing so good.” it’s hard to hide the laughter spilling from your lips.

“what you don’t like katy perry?” but it’s much harder to ignore sakusa’s growing smile. 

#sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyu x y/n #haikyuu x reader #kiyoomi x you #kiyoomi x yn #haikyuu hurt comfort #/sakusa #tw depression #tw insecurity #today i offer you this #tomorrow? dare i say more shoujo manga #val stop ghosting your therapist challenge

[zabiume]

Not to sound demanding but I'd really love it if you'd write something with a prompt about ichigo and orihime breaking up and then getting back together 😀

You know, it's funny you asked for this because I'd been contemplating writing one for the longest time ever but didn't do it because I couldn't fathom a post-TYBW, mature IchiHime breaking up, considering they generally do tend to resolve their conflicts pretty quickly now, but I loved the intrigue of this and I hope I didn't butcher anyone's characterization here (even though I feel like I did).

Warning(s) for discussions of trauma, depression, self-loathing, and explicit content. Rated 'M' for adult themes.

Read on AO3/ff.net

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(part i)

In the end, it was Orihime who decided to end things—a fact that surprised almost every friend and ally they’d ever made in the seven years they’d known each other, the five months after, when they had first started dating.

Those first five months had been nothing but warm. Even at their clumsiest moments—the thick uncertainty in the air when Ichigo had reached for a hand but grabbed air, or Orihime had tilted up to his mouth and met his chin—it had never been uncomfortable.

It was simply the consequence of being, of learning each other in ways they hadn’t allowed themselves to before when they were teenagers. They were young, and they were in love—which, she supposed, was a miracle for two people that had spent most of their childhood chasing after battles they had created for themselves, battles that had been thrust upon them for life, or for pride, whatever side of the coin they’d chosen this time. There was a time and place for most things in their life, and this time, they had decided, was their time to just do, and be and act for a change with no demands or promises for more.

It was in January that Ichigo had come over for a sleepover, the sharp winter air smoothing over them as they watched television.

“Do you think animals go to Soul Society when they die?” she murmured into his thigh, her hair splayed all over his lap as they watched a pack of lionesses chase a gazelle on cable.

Ichigo’s thumb paused from where it was rubbing lazy circles over her ear. “Dunno.” Then, “I saw a gecko once in Hueco Mundo.”

“A gecko?” She smiled.

“Yeah. One of those lizard things. Y’know. The one that looks a little bit like Ishida.”

She covered her mouth to keep a laugh from spilling out. “I’m telling him you said that.”

“I’ll tell him you laughed.”

She could hear the smile in his voice despite the nonchalance and suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to see it, twisting in place until she was on her back, his knee digging into her love handles.

"Come here," he whispered, eyes dark and full of intent when they settled on hers, and Orihime knew what he was going to do before he did it. She propped herself up with one palm on his knee and used the other to touch his cheek, looking into his eyes and hoping to convey everything she couldn't say. When he kissed her softly, so softly it ached, she might as well have been floating. It was such a wonderful intimacy, so simple and earnest that it filled her chest with joy—joy she had never thought she would get to experience again after that night she had said goodbye to him, all those many years ago.

“You’re so forward, Ichigo-kun,” she chided lightly when they parted, shifting to bury her head in his shoulder.

He snorted, but brought his hand up to rest on her back. It was warm. Safe. That was the part about this she loved best, she thought, watching the tv again, letting her mind drift.

Her first night in Hueco Mundo, she’d stayed up for so long, flinching at every passing shadow under the doorway, wondering for hours what they’d do to her; whether they’d kill her, or something worse entirely, her heartbeat fierce in her throat when they’d made her change into uniform right there, right in front of Ulquiorra and his blank, unfeeling stare. She knew now that that was the last thing he had wanted from her, but there were no words to describe how unsafe she felt back then. How afraid.

The little gazelle, now surrounded on all sides by the pack of snarling lionesses, began to tremble on her little legs but challenged them all with a fierce gaze. Ichigo yawned. Orihime felt something cold lodge in her throat, fingers digging into her arms on either side. The gazelle cowered. She was powerless; they would devour her for that alone.

“Something wrong?” Ichigo frowned.

“Can you change the channel please?” she asked tearfully, shying away from the screen and into his shoulder. She knew she was being irrational, but her hands were frigid and her heart had already welled up to her throat.

Ichigo was quiet for a moment. Orihime bit her lip, feeling small and tense when his body left hers to fumble around for the remote. When he returned to her side, his eyes were kind. “Let's watch Laugh Hour instead.”

She nodded, her chest filling with warmth when he tugged her back in place with a tight side hug, chin firmly planted on her head.

They stayed that way until the end of the program.

…

In the morning, she had felt ashamed of herself for reacting like that and apologized to Ichigo, who shook his head firmly and told her not to worry about it. His eyes had blazed in that familiar way—the way he got when they talked about Hueco Mundo, or rather, what they didn’t talk about Hueco Mundo, but said nothing. Ichigo knew the gist of it, but there were parts she kept secret because she knew he would blame himself, no matter how long it had been or how much stronger she had gotten since, and that was not something she wanted. She was different now—they were different now. The one thing she knew for sure was that she never wanted to stare after his retreating back ever again.

At the time, she could've sworn that was a one-off. But it wasn't. She felt feverish, like she'd been hollowed out. Though Ichigo had been nothing but normal towards her since that night, she felt something within her start to shrivel. She held back from reaching out to him, convinced she was growing far too dependent. Clingy. She began to wonder when he’d start feeling tired of her—when she would become more of an obligation and less of...whatever she was to him now. Orihime trusted him to be honest with her mostly, but the nagging voice in her head was insistent. After all, most people who got together as young as her and Ichigo did didn't stay together long. The magic would wear off soon and he’d see her for exactly who she was.

Useless. Weak. A burden.

She felt hollowed out.

...

Eventually, it was the smallest thing that set her off. They’d been having dinner, Orihime and his family, and Ichigo had made a little joke about her banana balsamic smoothies that burned the tips of her ears. It wasn’t even that; it was what Isshin said after that really, truly filled her with dread.

“You’ll have acquired a taste for it by the time you’re married, my boy!”

Ichigo had groaned at the double entendre, Isshin had positively beamed and Orihime—

Orihime was quiet the entire car ride home.

It was over. It had to be, for his own sake. She didn’t mind being lonely, but the last thing she wanted to do was hold him back. Though her head was in the clouds, her feet were rather firm on the ground and she knew, while she would always be in love with Ichigo, she didn’t have to tie him down. She had been selfish for wanting this, for not giving it up sooner.

Ichigo shot her a small glance from the corner of his eye. “Orihime, are you okay?”

She took a big, deep breath, knowing it was over. That she had ruined things for good with him.

“I want to break up,” she whispered, and that was the end of it.

…

The retreating winter rain held on all through February.

"I watched him die, you know. It was the worst day of my life," Orihime murmured, hearing Tatsuki's breath catch with the admission. "And I told myself, never again—I will never let him walk away from a fight injured ever again. I'll get stronger so I don't have to be a burden to him. And I did." She turned on her side, eyes brimming with tears. "So why is this happening again? Why do I feel like this, Tatsuki-chan?"

"Orihime." Tatsuki sighed gently, pulling the covers over them both. She'd seen this before, among students who'd broken a bone or been benched after a debilitating injury. They always thought they'd gotten better. They did get better. But that didn't mean the traces of the past didn't still linger in their deepest fears. Trauma didn't work that way. Trauma didn't care about how you were doing today, all it cared about was throwing your failures from yesterday right back in your face. And for someone who hated herself as much as Orihime did, it was a roadblock that told her she didn't deserve the life she had today.

"You're relapsing, honey. What happened to you over there wasn't your fault. You were scared and sixteen. You only think you could have done something now because you're older and stronger and more mature, but that girl? The girl that got kidnapped and tortured the way she did? You have to forgive her for not knowing any better."

Orihime said nothing.

Tatsuki sighed again. Orihime could be stubborn as a rock when she wanted to be. "I'm sure Ichigo would tell you the same thing if you hadn't broken up with him." She paused. "That's why you broke up with him, didn't you? You didn't want to hear it. Idiot."

"I didn't want him to blame himself."

"He does do that," Tatsuki admitted slowly, "but you two are all grown-up now. He's not the same boy he was when he met you, and you aren't the same girl. Don't you think you two have been through enough together for something as small as this to get in the way?"

Orihime sniffed. "I don't know."

Tatsuki pat her head. "You'll figure it out. I know you will."

…

The weeks leading up to April were probably the worst of it. Ichigo spent days drifting sleeplessly, wondering where he had gone so wrong at this, why he’d been unable to fix it. He knew he could be obtuse—had been told as much by everyone—but the failure of it dug deep now because they might as well have been right.

Even now, two months after the break-up, he still couldn’t find it in him to regret the time they had spent together, roaming around town aimlessly, laughing, holding hands, making love. The way she’d lean over and kiss the corner of his mouth so sweetly sometimes for no reason at all or call him, simply because she remembered him.

That day in his car, he’d begged her to talk, to tell him what he’d done and how he could fix it.

“Was it Dad? Did he say something to offend you?” he demanded desperately, feeling his heart seize at her downcast eyes. She was pale, and her eyes were red, but her mouth was firm, like she’d already convinced herself that whatever it was, it was bad. “Orihime. Say something.”

“No,” she whispered tearfully. “I just feel sick.”

“Of me?”

“No.”

She’d stared at her nails but she hadn’t said anything else.

A part of him craved her so much, hoping they’d run into each other somewhere or she’d call him, just so he could hear her voice. It wasn’t even about being together—not all of it. Mostly, he just wanted to know if she was okay, if she was eating well and passing her courses and if, when she went to bed at night, she had someone to smile about.

“I don’t know how you did it for forty years,” Ichigo grumbled, when he dragged himself out of bed to meet with Renji one day. “I felt like throwing rocks at her apartment window after four days so she would just talk to me, even just to tell me to fuck off.”

“Give her space,” Renji said patiently. “Maybe talking to you isn’t what she needs right now, and, knowing you, you’re probably beating yourself up about it—which is stupid as hell, by the way.”

“Then what do you want me to do?” Ichigo demanded. “She broke up with me.” She was sick, in her own words, and she wanted Ichigo to do nothing about it but walk.

Renji blew out a big breath. “She’s probably hurting as much as you are.” At Ichigo’s dubious look, he shook his head. “Take it from me, Ichigo, it takes a lot out of your sails to let go of someone you’ve loved forever if you think they’ve got a shot at something better.”

“Being with her is better for me,” Ichigo snapped. ”How could she think any differently, after everything we’ve been through?”

“How would she know that if you two didn’t spend any time apart?” Renji insisted, nudging his shoulder. “Give her time. You’re both young, you’ve still got a lot of learning to do…”

“...Just don’t wait for forty years and two wars for that to happen, alright?”

(part ii)

Weeks pass, and Orihime does her best to rebuild herself again, fielding concerned texts from Uryu and Chad politely, pleading with Rukia not to kick Ichigo out of doors and windows for something that was of no fault of his.

Ultimately, the first time she ends up seeing him after the break-up, it's at Chad’s birthday party. She knew she would before she got here, and it's probably why she's tipsy the way she is, but it doesn't stop her from stealing a peek at him where he's leaned against the door, talking to Mizuro.

It doesn't take him long to spot her, even with a sparse crowd between them, and when his mouth edges up in an uncertain smile, she feels her heart start to flutter. He's just as handsome as he was two months ago, high cheekbones, sharp hair that's trimmed maybe two inches shorter up his neck. He's already abandoned Mizuro in a bid to make his way up to her and the air feels electric with possibility.

"I'll make myself scarce then," Orihime barely hears Tatsuki say as he gets there, only two feet in front of her. All breath leaves her in a short rush. It both feels like too long and no time at all.

"Hey," Ichigo says softly, his eyes taking her in from head to toe until his gaze alone is enough to induce a fever under her skin. "How've you been?"

"F-fine," she lies, and they both catch it, faint and uncertain.

Ichigo takes one glance back at the kitchen, where most of their friends are, before fixing his intent gaze on her again. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"

...

The zipper on Ichigo's jeans keeps digging into her inner thigh, but Orihime isn't about to stop him any time soon.

"Ichigo," she gasps, tugging the short ends of his hair with blunt fingernails. Her skirt is askew, and his hands are on her underwear, and she can't breathe—he keeps bucking into her, pushing her against the wall like he can't stay away from her for too long without snapping back. Her hands push at his jacket, urging him to shrug it off frustratedly.

"Not here," he mutters against her lips, one hand distractedly fumbling against the wall to find a light switch. "I'll take you to bed."

They're at his apartment and he's holding her up with his body, his firm biceps tensing under her fingers like it hasn't been two whole months since the last time they did this.

"I missed you," she confesses weakly, and when he groans into the kiss, she can feel it thrum in the back of her throat. She needs him now and she needs him hard, as if to make up for all the times she spent remembering him with nothing but her hand between her legs. Whatever comes by later, that's for them to deal with later.

"I can't find the light switch," he mumbles, and he pulls away just long enough for her to catch her lipstick stains on his mouth.

They give up on it and collapse back onto the floor.

…

Later, with her head on his chest and his fingers trailing down the soft line of her spine, she feels content in a way she hasn't been in months. When they finished, he told her he missed her too and that's something she's been thinking about since.

"Orihime," he says gently, his mouth warm against her ear. "Can we talk about it?"

Orihime lifts her head, and digs her chin into his chest, cheeks still pink from the afterglow. "It?"

"Why we broke up."

Orihime feels her guilt twist sourly into the base of her stomach. She pushes herself up to sit on one watery elbow, eyes not meeting his. "My brain was being bad to me." She felt her breath catch when his hand reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear and suddenly, she wanted to tell him everything, every thought she'd ever had. "I was overthinking too much, and everything that was making me happy started making me sad." When her eyes finally shift up, they're wet. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't want you to settle for someone like me."

Ichigo's eyebrows raise high before relaxing, and he drags her back down until his lips press against her forehead. He lets her press her face into his neck and breathe him in for a few quiet moments.

When he finally speaks again, his eyes are sad. "I didn't settle for you." There’s a cool edge to his voice. "I chose you."

Orihime's eyes widen. "Ichigo—"

"I don't know what I deserve, but I know what I want," he says strongly, "And what I want is you." His eyes finally soften, cheeks burning when their gazes meet. "Don't you want me, too?"

"I do," Orihime says sadly.

He sighs. "Then stop making yourself so damn sad already."

Orihime sniffles through a small giggle, and Ichigo smirks, just a slight tug of his mouth before growing serious again.

"You don't have to go through anything like that alone again," he says firmly, cupping her cheeks to make her look at him. "You have me. We're a team, right?"

Orihime nods, tightening her arms around him, feeling mellow and warm when he hugs her back. They’re almost falling asleep again when she lifts her head up and drags one finger under his jaw. “I’m sorry I wasn’t ready to hear it then.”

He smiles, and he’s almost her Ichigo again—her bright, brilliant and beautiful Ichigo and she can’t help but return it.

“Are you ready to hear it now?”

“Hmm.”

“Good,” he says, “because I’ll keep telling you as many times as you need it."

#i can't tell if this turned out good or bad or too dramatic or not dramatic enough lol #hope you liked it anon! #ichihime #asks #myfic #happy birthday hime! #im sorry i wrote you a sad fic but it ends happy if that counts?

[heyitssmiller]

Clandestine: Chapter Thirteen

Fitting that this is chapter thirteen. It was destined to be unlucky. And it was also the hardest one to write by far. Thanks for being so patient with me. One last cliffhanger, yes? For old time’s sake.

@lumosinlove your characters continue to live in my head rent-free, so thank you!

@donttouchmycarrots is my dude, my pal, my babe, and the best proofreader ever

Special thanks to @wonder-womans-ex for providing what just might be my favorite line in this chapter

Clandestine Masterlist

CW: violence, gun violence, nightmares, anxiety, mentions of food, injuries

.

Logan woke up to Finn crying.

He was admittedly good at being quiet about it – he muffled any noise into his pillow, body turned towards the wall and curled up tight. It was the shaking that gave him away. Logan wasn’t sure what was going on at first, but his heart just about shattered when he realized. He rolled over to face Finn, pulling him gently into his arms and holding him close. His heart lurched as the redhead shuddered and buried his face in Logan’s chest, arms wrapping around him tightly as he sniffled. Logan screwed his eyes shut and breathed, nice and slow in an attempt to get Finn to match him. He wasn’t sure what was upsetting his partner, but he wanted nothing more than to fix it, to help however he could. Finn leaned further into him and stayed there for what felt like an eternity before he calmed down, breaths slowing and tears drying.

Logan could feel every swell of muscle, every gentle dip between his ribs, the eyelashes that were still wet and clumped together, the way his skin felt all clammy. He wished he could pull him even closer, hold him even tighter, even though there was physically no distance between them. Maybe Finn could find comfort in the confines of his arms, the way Logan had found safety in Finn’s.

“Want to talk about it?” he finally whispered, making Finn tense up again. He peered over Logan’s shoulder to look at their sleeping partner, then looked back down at Logan.

Sometimes Finn just took his breath away. Sure, his eyes were glassy and his nose was red from crying but he was still so beautiful, with muted light filtering through the curtains turning messy auburn hair into shiny copper, seeming to glitter in the sunlight. Big, brown doe eyes looking so incredibly soft as he stared down at Logan. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to being looked at like that. Like he was something to be cherished, something to be adored.

Logan felt his breath hitch.

“Hallway?” Finn asked, glancing back at Leo. “Don’t want to wake him up.”

Logan smiled. He loved learning how all three of them showed love and how it varied depending on which partner they were interacting with. Finn was more teasing with Logan, always throwing jabs and chasing them with happy grins and lots of kisses. With Leo he – well, he still teased mercilessly, but it was softer around the edges. The kind of affection that made him get all squinty-eyed because he was smiling so much and too-tight hugs because he couldn’t possibly hold back. Leo didn’t act that different when it came down to it, but he picked up quickly on what the two of them liked – intertwining his fingers with Finn’s as often as he could, running his hand through Logan’s hair time and time again. The constant motion of his hands was directed at the two of them instead of the lock in his pocket more often than not, a new soothing habit forming quickly. It was adorable. Logan wasn’t really sure how he was different, but he knew he was softer with the two of them more than he’d been with anyone else. He could feel himself turning into a sappy romantic and he wanted to hate it, but he really couldn’t.

Finn scrambled up reluctantly and Logan followed him across the room, nervous and itching to pull Finn back into his arms. He reached for Finn as soon as the door closed completely. “Bad dream?” His stomach dropped when Finn just nodded, biting down on his lip hard as his eyes welled up with tears again.

“I don’t want to go back there.” Finn admitted, voice a soft whisper in the silence of the hallway. Logan sighed and pressed closer, standing on his tiptoes just a little to loop his arms around Finn’s neck. Logan didn’t want to go back, either, but it was different for Finn. He’d been there for longer, after all, and Logan still wasn’t sure exactly what had happened during that time. Finn refused to talk about it, and Logan was too afraid to ask, as selfish as that made him feel. To top it all off, Logan had no idea how to help. Usually bad dreams were only loosely based on reality – but Logan had a feeling these were a little too real. They’d lived it, after all. To wake up from a nightmare and realize it was basically reality…

How could you comfort someone who’s bad dreams were all true?

“I know,” he said simply, lacking the words for anything else and running his fingers through Finn’s messy bedhead soothingly.

“We won’t be there for too long.” Finn said after a while. He seemed to be trying to comfort Logan with the words, even though he was the one who had been crying about it earlier. Logan ached for the redhead. He had such a big heart, always putting others before himself even if he was in a bad place himself. Logan needed to pay more attention, to pinpoint that evasion tactic and not let him get away with it. Everyone needed solace, even the ones who primarily did the comforting.

Finn’s eyes had closed sometime earlier, his head tilted to lean into Logan’s hand, his breath tickling the inside of Logan’s wrist. Logan wiped away a stray tear tenderly and sighed. Finn didn’t seem to want to talk about it. Logan wasn’t going to force him to talk, but he was worried about what would happen if he didn’t talk about it with someone. Sometimes it was nice to talk to someone with an outside perspective – someone who wasn’t in the thick of it like Logan was. So Logan reluctantly let it go for now and tried the next best thing: cheering Finn up.

“And it’ll be nice to bash some heads in while we’re there.”

That earned a laugh from Finn, and Logan felt such stark relief at the sight – it left him a little breathless. It was sad that a genuine laugh from either of his partners was so rare now. Logan felt like he needed to cherish them when they happened.

How depressing was that?

“Bashing some heads in is now on the list, I guess.” Finn murmured, placing a lingering kiss to Logan’s temple, who hummed thoughtfully.

“Do you even know how to throw a punch?”

Finn was in the process of kissing Logan when he said that, which just turned into a laugh against Logan’s lips. “No, but you do.” Logan could hear the smile in his voice. “And that’s way hotter than it probably should be.”

Logan looked up at him nervously to make sure he wasn’t kidding, then relaxed at the honesty in those mischievous eyes. Even upset and stressed, Finn somehow knew what to say to soothe worries Logan hadn’t even told him about. Being in a job like his… well it was ugly. It was brutal and violent and messy and not many people would want to be involved with someone like that – someone with bloodstained hands, too many paranoid tics, and a heavy, guilty conscience.

Finn and Leo didn’t seem to mind all that much, thankfully.

The realization made Logan grin sharply and nip at Finn’s lower lip before delving into another deep, intoxicating kiss. It was too easy, getting lost when he kissed Finn. So much of their surroundings faded away until all he was aware of was the feel of slightly chapped lips against his and hands holding his hips in order to pull him closer. Finn seemed to have that effect on Logan – he always had, ever since that New Years party. He was the kind of person everyone naturally gravitated towards, pulled in without a second thought. It was part of what made him so damn good at his job.

Finn breathed in sharply before kissing him again, heady and sure of himself and making Logan weak in the knees. All five senses were overwhelmed with Finn, Finn, Finn. It thrummed along with his pulse in a steady, loud rhythm. And yet his mind still drifted back to the bedroom with Leo, the thought of joining him back in bed tugging at him just as Finn broke the kiss and pulled him back towards the door, a knowing look in his eyes.

“Sometimes I’m convinced you’re a mind reader.” Logan smiled and willingly let himself get drawn back into the quiet, sleepy warmth of the bedroom. Finn just shrugged.

“Maybe I am.”

Leo was still sound asleep, sprawled out on his back with one leg sticking out from underneath the covers and hanging off the side of the bed at what looked like a very uncomfortable angle. Logan smiled at Finn’s affectionate snort, then followed him back to bed and crawled in the middle again. He curled up on his side, facing the blond as Finn pressed against his back and tangled their legs together. Leo’s hand moved up the bed, searching for Logan’s until he found it and then seemed to drift off to sleep again with a content sigh.

It scared Logan a little, how important the two of them had become in such a short amount of time. They were slowly invading more and more space in his head until his only thoughts seemed to be about them, all the time. Maybe it should be a little worrying, but Logan couldn’t find it in himself to be too concerned – not when the thoughts made his chest feel light as air and his stomach full of butterflies.

***

It was getting close to go-time, and everyone was on edge. The energy was palpable, like an electric current flowing through the group. Shoulders were tense, words were short and clipped, a sense of focus and determination in the air.

Leo had never been part of something like this. The only missions he’d been on were with Logan and Finn and that was it. Having a big group like this, all feeling the same things and wanting the same goal, it was intoxicating. It sucked you in and made you want to be a part of it, too.

But he couldn’t. He was stuck here, on the sidelines, left to wait aimlessly until everyone returned. That meant letting them go and resigning himself to a night of restlessness and worry.

Leo hated it.

He didn’t cling to his partners like he so desperately wanted to. If he did, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to let go again. He didn’t ask for empty promises of being careful, nor did he beg them to be safe. He couldn’t hold them to words they might not be able to keep. But he allowed himself to stare, just a bit. He let his eyes linger over Logan’s steady hands as he loaded his gun and methodically checked it three times, just like always. He watched Finn pull a clean shirt over his head and fiddle with the sleeves, seemingly lost in thought. Leo memorized what he could, just in case. The exact shade of Logan’s eyes, the freckle pattern across Finn’s cheeks and nose. He hated that his brain automatically jumped to worse-case scenario like that, but – well, considering the circumstances and what they’d already been through at the hands of the Snakes… could you blame him?

There was also this feeling in the pit of Leo’s stomach. He wasn’t sure if this was just the anxiety talking, but everything in that moment felt so decided, so final.

It felt like goodbye.

As if Finn knew exactly what was going on in his head, he drew Leo in for a hug and kissed his cheek, lingering for a second before leaning back to meet his eyes. They shared one of those looks – one that expressed a multitude of emotions without saying a single word. When Finn kissed him, it was deep and achingly slow. He was taking his time, wanting to make the moment last as long as he could. Leo knew the feeling. He fisted his hand in Finn’s shirt and pulled him impossibly closer, tilting his head for a better angle and softly running his tongue across the seam of his lips. A gentle rush, a quiet thrill, but still with a noticeable, tangible melancholy.

Leo could still count the number of kisses they’d shared on two hands. That wasn’t nearly enough for him. He wanted as many different types of kisses as he could think of – happy, teasing, soft, hard, tender, and everything in between. He wanted to lose count by the end of the week. He wanted to learn everything there was to know about his partners.

He just hoped they’d get that chance.

Logan pressed up against the two of them, slotting seamlessly into place. Transitioning from kissing Finn to kissing Logan was as easy as breathing – a simple turn of his head and a slight bend to accommodate for the height difference. It was the kind of kiss you were meant to remember. A whirlwind of sweet and passionate, deep and gentle, loving and regretful.

More than anything it just hurt.

Leo’s gut churned as he pulled back and looked at the two of them, lost for words. What was he supposed to say in a situation like this, after all? He didn’t think there was anything he could say to make this easier, or reassure them. Words didn’t seem like enough anymore – they just felt insincere and meaningless. Leo didn’t think he’d ever faced that problem before. Words usually came fairly easily to him, especially if something was important to him. But now they were failing him and it left him feeling even more lost, adrift in a raging sea that he had no idea how to navigate.

“Let’s do this,” Finn said finally, part resigned and part determined, before heading towards the bedroom door.

The rest seemed to happen all at once in a blinding flurry of activity. Goodbyes with the team were quick and rushed and then they were all loading up into cars, green and brown eyes meeting his every once in a while before the doors closed and the engines growled to life.

Leo watched the caravan of cars head down the driveway, then rushed across the wrap-around porch to keep them in his sights for as long as he could until they disappeared behind an outcropping of trees. He kept his eyes trained on the spot and clung to the wooden railing with a white-knuckled grip.

And that was where he would stay. If that was the last place he saw them, it would be the first place he would see them again. He didn’t care if he stood there all night until it bled into morning; he wasn’t moving an inch.

***

Sirius sat in the backseat next to Remus for the drive, which was silent and tense with rising adrenaline and battle plans running through everyone’s heads – especially Remus’. He could practically see his mind working. He’d been planning nonstop for the past two days to make sure that all the loose ends were tied up and that they were doing this the right way. Any illegal processes now could compromise the court trials that would come after putting the Snakes behind bars. Between that and coordinating between the other agencies that were helping them take down the Snakes, it was looking like a Herculean task. They could’ve pulled out the big guns and requested help from the FBI, but no one really wanted to do that. This was personal, after all – for pretty much everyone on the team. The feds could take over later, after everyone was apprehended.

Remus chewed at his lower lip, eyes trained on nothing in particular. The back of his head was highlighted in the headlights of the car behind them, illuminating in a startling contrast to the rest of the dark interior of the van. Sirius stared and stared until he just couldn’t help it. He reached over to turn Remus’ head towards him, then ran his thumb lightly over that abused lower lip until Remus let it go. Color seeped back into it, turning the pink a darker, cherry red. Again, Sirius stared. That mouth quirked into a teasing smile.

“You’re going to chew a hole in your lip if you keep that up.” He said and looked up into honey-colored eyes, slowly pulling his hand back. Remus just huffed under his breath – a short, nervous shadow of his normal laugh.

“Yeah. I could really go for some chapstick right now.”

Sirius smiled, pulling Remus towards him and kissing him gently, reverently. It still kind of blew his mind, how much things had changed in the past few months. Remus used to hate him. Well, maybe hate was a strong word, but they definitely weren’t friends. And now here they were, making out in the back of a van. Even though their mission was coming to an end and Sirius really wouldn’t have a reason to stay in Gryffindor any more, he could no longer fathom leaving. Remus played a huge part in that, of course, but Sirius also had friends now – real friends who didn’t try to use him constantly or only contacted him when they needed something. He had a home, as ridiculously cliché as that sounded. Nothing about Slytherin felt like this, and it made Sirius wonder if he’d ever actually had a place to call home before he found himself in Remus’ tiny apartment with the dying houseplant and the lumpy couch and an entire cabinet devoted solely to mugs.

The kiss turned softer until Sirius pulled back and just looked at him, an overwhelming rush of emotion in his chest. Remus wasn’t his home – one person couldn’t be all of that, Sirius knew that much – but he sure was a big part of it.

Remus licked his lips thoughtfully, tasting Sirius’ chapstick. “What flavor is that?”

“Pina colada.”

“Nice.”

That made Sirius smile again. “It’s going to be fine, Re.” Sirius reassured and tucked Remus against his side. It was an awkward squeeze in the back of a van, but neither of them cared.

“Yeah,” Remus sighed, sounding like he was trying to convince himself. “We’ll be ok.”

They both flew out of their seats a little when the van hit a pothole, smushing them closer together. Sirius pressed a kiss to his temple, soft and lingering, before speaking up again. “Do you want to talk through the plan once more?”

Sirius always found that talking through things helped calm him down. Saying the facts out loud tended to get rid of the unnecessary fears going on inside his head, plus it made him feel more prepared. And he knew Remus was the same way, from all the times he’d helped the analyst plan missions.

This earned him a soft, thankful smile and then Remus was off, talking a mile a minute about strategies and backup plans and anything else he could think of. Sirius let his voice wash over him and tried to ignore the dread settling in the pit of his stomach.

***

Leo didn’t know how long he stood there, gaze never once wavering from the treeline, when Hope joined him. She held out a mug for him, full of what looked like hot chocolate and a thick layer of whipped cream. Leo smiled faintly in thanks and took it before returning to his vigil. It was so quiet outside. No crickets like back home, no wind whistling through the trees, nothing. It set Leo on edge.

“So,” Hope mercifully interrupted the silence, “I heard you like to cook.”

Leo looked over at her, more than a little confused at the non sequitur. “Yeah. I do.”

She traced along the grain of the wooden railing, avoiding the chipping paint. “Those boys might be hungry when they get back, and that’s a whole lot of cooking to do by myself. Care to lend a hand?”

Leo snorted at the accidental pun and looked down at the hand trapped in a sling. He knew what she was doing, and he couldn’t find it in himself to be mad. He could definitely use the distraction.

“That sounds perfect.” He said and followed her inside, only casting one glance over his shoulder at where the driveway disappeared and the woods began before he joined Hope in the warm glow of the kitchen. Lyall and Jules were there too; they had the refrigerator door thrown open and seemed to just be staring at the contents. They looked so alike, standing side by side like that. The same slightly-bowed legs and identical shades of brown hair. Lyall gave his son a mischievous look, reached for the can of whipped cream, and squirted some directly into his mouth while Jules watched on with his jaw nearly on the floor.

“I didn’t know we were allowed to do that!” he gasped and snatched the can from his dad. A few seconds later there was whipped cream in his mouth. And on his chin, cheeks, a little on his nose…

Hope sighed good-naturedly. “You’re teaching our son bad habits and making a mess.”

Lyall just bent over laughing, a snort escaping every once in a while.

Leo smiled as Jules tried to get all the whipped cream that missed his intended target with his tongue, eyes crossing in the process. He took a sip of his hot chocolate and leaned back against the kitchen counter as Lyall kept pointing to places on his face that Jules had missed. Hope shared a look with Leo and rolled her eyes in a “what can you do?” kind of gesture. It was all so lighthearted and affectionate and exactly what Leo needed in that moment.

He wondered if Hope somehow just knew these things – it was definitely possible. Mother’s intuition and all.

“So what are we making?” She asked, tying her hair up while Lyall threw an apron over his neck. Jules was still working on the whipped cream.

Leo shrugged his good shoulder. “What do you have in the pantry?”

“So much!” Jules exclaimed, deeming his face good enough and throwing the pantry door open. “We’ve got pancake mix, potato chips, poptarts, hot dog buns-”

***

The take-down mission was going about as well as expected.

Which meant that it was going well, but it was also a chaotic disaster at the same time. Fitting, right?

Agents were everywhere, it seemed, outnumbering the Snakes at least three-to-one. The Snakes were scattering, running for the exits and fighting tooth and nail to get out – whether that was with weapons they had or just their fists, they weren’t going down without a fight. But even if they made it out, they were met with another line of defense waiting for them in the form of the Durmstrang agents.

Remus really had the op planned out to the last contingency, it seemed.

Logan and Finn were headed down an unfamiliar hallway, looking for stragglers to round up and escort outside. Most Snakes had joined the main fight to get out, sequestered in the entryway. Logan was glad they were tasked with this, though. There were too many familiar faces back there – Greyback, Lestrange, Snape. Logan wasn’t sure he was quite ready for that just yet. Between that and the sound of gunshots echoing in his head… well, let’s just say it brought back bad memories. And even though it wasn’t the best utilization of his skillset, he hadn’t been separated from his partner. He’d learned from experience what a bad idea that was. When this was all over, he wasn’t letting the two of them out of his sight for at least a week.

God, he couldn’t wait for this to be over.

Movement caught his eye and his gun was instantly up and aimed at the person. Yellow eyes landed on them and Logan held his breath, every muscle tensing and adrenaline spiking.

Logan knew they had direct orders to bring the Snakes in alive, but it was much harder to think about that when he was staring Riddle down from the sights of his gun. He knew exactly where to aim – he’d seen it mapped out on Leo’s chest, memorized the angry red wound contrasting against the gentle slope of his collarbone. A shot not intended to kill, but to inflict unfathomable levels of pain – another thing Logan had branded into his memory. A shot that was intentional, designed to send a message. And Logan definitely wanted to send back a reply.

Riddle recognized them and got this smug gleam in his eyes. “Long time, no see.”

Logan’s finger twitched against the trigger.

“Trust me, we’re planning on never seeing you again.” Finn said, then sighed dramatically. “And it looks like that dream is going to become a reality, since we’ve got all the evidence we need to lock you up for – what do you think, Logan? Two life sentences?”

“I’m banking on three.”

“But it’s not really up to us, now is it?” Finn shrugged. “If it were, I think you’d be dead by now, so I guess we’ll have to wait and see what the judge says.”

Riddle still looked remarkably calm. And it was that ego, that sense of infallibility that ended up being his downfall. “All the evidence you have is circumstantial. Any decent lawyer can get those charges dismissed.”

“Sure.” Finn’s smile turned lethal, knowing he had Riddle right where he wanted him, ready to deliver the final blow and relish in the aftermath. “But I think all that detailed information on the flash drives can put you away for a long time. Why seven flash drives, by the way? Lucky number?”

Riddle’s smile faded in increments as the realization struck. “That’s not possible.”

“Oh, it’s very possible. You can thank the guy you shot for that.” Finn said darkly. They watched the gears turning in Riddle’s head, then the way his face turned from pale to a sickly green. His hand went to the inside pocket of his jacket where his flash drive used to be – where the fake one now was, switched when Riddle had pulled a bleeding, agonized Leo close to taunt Logan and Finn through his microphone.

Yeah. Karma was a real bitch sometimes.

Logan smiled, grim but glad to finally be putting this guy behind bars. “You’re coming with us.”

***

“Yo,” Pots said into a phone, a grin almost too wide on his face, “we got some stinky bastards over here. Can you come get them please and thank you?”

Remus snorted at his antics, no doubt talking to the FBI since processing criminals was in their jurisdiction now and not Gryffindor’s. He almost wished it was on speaker phone – he would’ve loved to hear their response.

Remus found Sirius waiting in the parking lot, watching all the Snakes get corralled into transport vehicles and taken to whichever prison they were being kept in until the trial. Some of their own agents were by the ambulance getting tended to, but there weren’t any serious injuries, thank god. Talker took a superficial gunshot to the thigh and Kuny’s arm got grazed by a bullet but everyone else was fine. The element of surprise and the backup by the other agencies really did wonders. That and the fact that they were all armed to the teeth and not even thinking about leaving this job unfinished. They had a pretty good reason to win this round, after all.

He couldn’t believe it was all over. This mission had taken months and lead to way too many problems, but they were finally done with it. They could finally move on. Remus was thinking of taking the next week off of work and spending it at the cabin, just him and Sirius. A much-needed vacation sounded like a dream right about now.

Sirius’ back was to him, but he heard Remus coming and didn’t flinch when long arms wrapped around him, tight and secure. He leaned back into the familiar warmth behind him and let himself be held. He’d been great in there. Remus had been a little worried about letting him come, afraid that taking down people he’d worked with for years would be too hard for him or – even worse – that his presence would be a bright red bullseye for the Snakes. Luckily, there had been so many other agents and so much chaos that most of them had only noticed Sirius and Regulus in the aftermath, when it was too late to do anything about it.

“We did it.” Remus murmured, letting go and stepping around to gauge Sirius’ reaction. The raven-haired ex-Snake smiled at him, a hint of something warring with the relief on his face.

“We did.” He finally said, eyes flitting from Remus to the action around them. He still looked a little uneasy, after everything. Remus couldn’t blame him – sometimes it took a while for the adrenaline to wear off and for reality to set in. “Doesn’t feel real just yet.”

Remus grinned wolfishly, letting the victorious feeling wash over him. “It’s real.”

“Sirius Black?” One of the other agents inquired, causing the man in question to turn around.

“Yes?”

The agent pulled out a pair of handcuffs, looking very bored of the current situation. “You’re under arrest for the crimes you committed with the Snakes organization. If you could put your hands behind your back-”

Remus stepped forward aggressively, staring the agent down. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

The agent didn’t flinch. “Following orders. Even if he quit the Snakes, he’s still got to answer for what he did during his time there.”

“But he’s helping us – he’s a consultant for our agency. He’s got immunity.” Remus looked between Sirius and the agent, running a hand agitatedly through his hair at the blasé attitude of the agent.

“Take it up with my boss.”

It was all happening so fast. Remus was still reeling from the mission, his brain struggling to keep up with the new situation. The agent started to lead Sirius away when Remus shouted, “Wait!” He hurried to stand in front of Sirius, caramel eyes hard and fierce and determined with an underlying blaze to them as they met silver. He didn’t care if he was making a scene; he didn’t care who was watching. The only thing that mattered was the man standing in front of him, eyes resigned and – unsurprised.

He knew this might happen. And he hadn’t said a word about it. He came on this mission willingly, knowing this was the way it could end.

Remus would have to come back to that.

“I’m going to fix this. Ok?” Remus met his gaze firmly, letting the honesty drip from his words.

The ex-Snake nodded quickly, trustingly. The sight was a little nauseating, because what if there was nothing Remus could do? Sirius was counting on him now; he couldn’t stand the thought of letting him down, not when he was looking at Remus like that – like Remus could fix anything, when Remus knew damn well that he couldn’t. His chest seized up and he held his breath, gritting his teeth resolutely. He’d find a way. He had to.

Sirius was loaded into the back of a car, his brother already cuffed and waiting in the seat beside him – no doubt being charged for the same thing. Their faces were stony masks, tense and unreadable.

From the next car over, Riddle watched with a smile.

#lumosinlove #sweater weather #coast to coast #coops #sirius black #remus lupin #o'knutzy #finn o'hara #logan tremblay #leo knut #clandestine #cw: violence #cw: gun violence #cw: nightmares #cw: anxiety #cw: food #cw: injury

[bumackerman]

warnings: sfw, comfort, light cursing, slight angst, and it’s a little cheesy at the end, sorry lol.

@anonymous asked:

ur amazing at writing monoma. i just really need some cuddles with him, him being insecure and thinking he isn’t good enough for us so we just cover his face w/ kisses and play with his hair, saying sweet nothings and telling him about how he’s perfect.

a/n: thank you! i really appreciate it! ♡ as i was writing this, i forgot to re-read the request, so this is much more depressing than intended... i accidentally misread a crutial part, and had to adapt to what i had already written. i’m sorry! i hope you don’t mind!

monoma’s warmth pressed against your chest as he listened to the gentle beating of your heart. it soothed him, sort of like a natural lullaby. the slow rise and fall of your chest, and the gentle brushing of your fingers through his hair gradually lulled his mind toward a quiet slumber.

the single thing preventing him from succumbing to his exhaustion, were his very own intrusive thoughts. the same ones that had been inching their way into his head for days. his insecurities had been piling up for a while, and you’d failed to notice their affect on him sooner.

it was hard to blame yourself, though. the two of you were working your life away as pro-heroes. with crime rates dramatically increasing, the work load increased for all heroes as a result. it was starting to overwhelming the industry, and therefore overwhelming the hard working, dedicated people like the two of you.

it had already been over two weeks since the initial spike, and at this point, there wasn’t one person who wasn’t utterly worn out. everyone was running on empty, including the two of you.

especially monoma. everything was just piling up on him. as if his self-esteem wasn’t low enough, he began to question the efficiency of his own abilities. he thought that he couldn’t be self-sufficient, even if he tried, and it was slowly ripping away at his confidence.

over the span of fifteen days, he was forced to face this realization in a brutal way, when he was unable to save some people from harm. with all of the other pro-heroes busy, he was forced to fight on his own. while he is capable in general, the circumstance he was in felt like every single aspect was set to be against him.

the villain wasn’t even all that strong, but since it was a mutation quirk, he couldn’t copy it. nor was he able to get close enough to them to begin with, resulting in a couple people getting injured. if another hero hadn’t come at the last second, there most likely would’ve been casualties, and he couldn’t seem to get over that fact. how was he supposed to protect you if he couldn’t even protect a couple civilians?

thankfully, the abnormal rise in crime, and villain activity had plummeted just as quickly as it came. almost over-night, in fact. after a few days, everyone could finally catch a much-needed break.

this was the first time in two weeks that the two of you were home at the same time, and immediately after seeing neito, you noticed the change in his demeanor. you brushed it off as exhaustion, but you still couldn’t shake the feeling that it was something more. the both of you had worked your asses off, pretty much non-stop for weeks, but this was a different type of fatigue.

monoma was finally able to catch a tiny break, thinking that cuddling with his one true-love would make him feel better about himself, and he was right. partially. he felt much better in your arms, but he still felt the insecurities scratching at the back of his mind as he tried to rest.

there was something very calming about his body laying still in your arms. the weight of him on top of you wasn’t uncomfortable in the slightest. in fact, it was pleasant. like a big teddy bear. of course, he’d squirm every now and then trying to adjust himself, but even that wasn’t a bother.

the chilling air brushed swiftly over your exposed arms, causing goosebumps to emerge from your skin. you continued to run your fingers through the strands of neito’s blonde hair, soothing both him, and yourself. you liked the feeling of his steady breathing pattern battling with yours.

“who’s your favorite hero?” monoma asked, breaking the silence. your heart jumped. his ear was pressed to your chest, catching the sound of your pounding of your heart. he uttered a quick apology for startling you. “hm... out of every pro-hero that has ever existed?” he nodded.

tapping the tip of his nose, you continued. “you.” monoma took a deep breath as he sat up, facing you. seeing the sad look in his eyes broke your heart. it was physical pain, too. “neito?” your body shot up immediately, desperately wanting to comfort your husband.

“how can i be your favorite hero if i can’t even protect you?” he asked. neito’s genuine tone struck you like dagger. the pain and honesty in his voice hurt to hear, especially coming from the most precious person in the world.

you let out a deep sigh as you sat in his lap. you situated yourself, brushing the hair away from his face. “look at me.” you made eye contact with him, exposing the vulnerability behind his ocean-colored eyes. you cupped his cheeks in your hands, caressing the soft skin with the pads of your thumbs. “honey, there will never be an instance where you can’t protect me.” he leaned his forehead against yours.

“you are fully capable of saving me if need be. you’re strong. i trust you with my life. please don’t doubt yourself.” you started, “…but if it came down to it, i’d rather be the one protecting you. nothing would hurt me more than seeing you in pain. it may be selfish, but there is nothing in this world i wouldn’t do for you…”

neito didn’t respond. thinking you said something wrong, you sighed. “nothing you wouldn’t do for me, huh?” the energy in the room completely shifted. he smirked, wrapping his arms around your waist, and leaning back onto the bed. “how about a kiss, then?” neito’s smirk spread wider into a smile.

you giggled quietly, peppering kisses all over his face without hesitation. with every kiss, his insecurities dissipated. “here too?” he pointed to his lips, pouting a little bit. “there too.” you say, leaning in.

there was nothing like the feeling of neito’s soft lips connecting with yours. it was comforting, and for some reason, it felt like your first kiss all over again. the blush on his face was just barely visible in the moonlight, but it was there, and it was beautiful. upon pulling away, you couldn’t help but stare into the mesmerizing blue of his eyes, the moonlight only accentuating their color, like ocean waves.

“you’re so perfect, you know that?” you stated, causing the redness in monoma’s face to flare up more. his cheeks burned to the touch. “i know.” his response made you smile, happy to have a part of him back. “so perfect.” you repeated under your breath, leaning in for another kiss.

the two of you resumed your previous position. neito’s head was once again, situated on your chest. this time, his body was a lot warmer, and with every brush of your fingers through his hair, he drifted further and further to sleep. the burden of his conscience just barely lingered, and you were just thankful to have your favorite cocky bastard back.

“i love you.” you whisper, kissing his forehead. “i love you more.”

“…impossible.”

@ultimate-astridwriting here u go simp

1/18/21

#anime headcanons #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #bnha #mha imagines #my hero academia headcanons #my hero academia #mha monoma #neito monoma #bnha monoma #monoma fluff #monoma imagine #monoma headcanons #monoma neito #mha neito #neito #bnha neito #boku no hero imagines #boku no hero headcanons #sfw

[gdcee]

Old Friends

Summary: Loki doesn't meet his three counterparts in the TVA's garbage dump at the end of time but someone else entirely.

Warnings: Some sexual innuendo. Troubling possessive childhood behaviour. Mention of unwanted sexual advances (not perpetrated by either of the main characters in the fic).

==============

Loki considers the words neatly painted in bright red letters on the large signpost.

NO LOKIS (except for the kid and alligator they're cool)

He squints, wondering if his earlier rough landing has jumbled some connections in the language processing bits of his brain. He shakes his head and reads again.

Nope, he evidently did not misread the bit about the alligator.

"What in the name of Buri's wrinkly left-"

Before Loki can finish uttering the obscenity, an overwhelming aura of powerful magic smothers him. He barely has a chance to retaliate before he's swept away like a pebble in a fluvial flood.

He finds himself lying on the half-withered gray-green grass, staring incredulously at the softly glowing incorporeal fetters wrapped about his chest and ankles.

There's only one person he knows with this particular type of binding magic.

But no, no it couldn't be. It couldn't possibly be-

"You have a lot of nerve," her achingly familiar voice rings out in the desolate silence. Her equally familiar face comes into view as she leans over his prone form, "Coming here."

"Sigyn," he can only manage a hoarse whisper at first, but giddy elation soon overtakes shock, and his mouth widens in a cheeky grin, "Oh, I'm certainly not doing that at present but since you've already skipped past dinner to the bonda-"

Sigyn whacks him sharply on the head with her staff. Not hard enough to cause any pain, but hard enough to startle him into silence.

"Brazen," she sighs, sounding more exasperated than offended, "Every single one of you."

"I prefer cockyyy-" Loki trails off at the unamused glare she shoots him, "-shutting up now."

"Good choice."

Sigyn shakes her head and dispels the fetters that hold him. Though familiar, in truth, Loki hasn't felt her magic so close to him in centuries. Not since they were children and he was showing her how to conjure fireworks in her hands.

He wonders briefly if her hair still smells like apple blossoms.

"Come on," she reaches for his hand and pulls him to his feet without waiting for his assent, "Time to go. You know the rules."

"I don't actually," Loki tries not to look upset when she lets go of his hand (pathetic, Norns, he is pathetic), "I don't even know where...what this place is." He frowns, considering. "Probably not Hel since you're here."

Sigyn coughs a short, sharp bark of a laugh. There's no humour in it.

"This is Hel," she says, "In all but name."

"So...I'm dead?"

Sigyn sighs again, closes her eyes and blows at the loose strand of hair hanging in her face.

"Wonderful. You're a new one then. You remember being pruned, yes?"

"Yes. Not very pleasant."

"Quite. Well, this-" she moves one arm in a fluid, graceful arc, gesturing in grandiose fashion at the depressing panorama of refuse and ruined buildings littered about the grey landscape. "-is where the TVA sends their rubbish. Everyone they prune, any physical material from a reset timeline - it ends up here."

"Everything?" Loki quirks an eyebrow, "Seems a little empty of clutter if the refuse of millions of dead timelines is being dumped here."

"Ah. Yes, that would be the work of the giant purple cloud monster of eternal, ceaseless hunger that devours all within its path."

An ominous sounding growl underlaid with the rumble of thunder sounds faintly in the distance.

Loki looks towards the distant horizon and sees a large dark, purplish smear like a fresh bruise in the grey sunless sky. Light flares and something that vaguely resembles a galaxy-class battlecruiser falls from the heavens. Immediately, the great bruised mass is upon the hulking remains.

He is uncomfortably reminded of that ridiculous nightmare he used to have about being phagocytosed by a giant amoeba (he longs for such innocent days, when his bad dreams were the result of his overactive imagination processing tedious microbiology lessons and not recollections of the various horrors he has experienced).

"That would be Alioth. The giant purple cloud monster. Don't ask me who came up with that name. Now if you'll excuse me-" Sigyn turns briskly on her heel and heads off in the direction beyond the NO LOKIS sign.

"Wha- hold on! You're just going to leave?You're leaving me to that thing??"

"Oh please, you'll have plenty of time before it gets here. Besides," she mutters, "You're a Loki. There's a thousand of you in this Norns forsaken wasteland. Trust me, if there's one thing you all do very well, it's survive."

Her words hurt more than he wants to admit. That bad memory loop with Sif had been more painful for obvious reasons, but...he knew what Sif thought of him. Even back then, those words she'd thrown at him had not surprised him.

As a child, he'd always felt special to Sigyn. She'd wanted to be his friend, his own true friend and not just Thor's friend who didn't mind having Loki along for the ride. She'd liked the same things he did. She'd always laughed at his jokes and pranks.

He'd felt like he mattered to her.

Of course that had only made him abominably possessive. He just couldn't abide any other child having her attention. The fear of an insecure wretch - so terrified that if Sigyn looked away even for a moment, she would see something better, that she would find him wanting.

He shouldn't have been surprised when Sigyn did not protest at her father sending her to live with her late mother's relatives on Alfheim when her true powers manifested on the cusp of puberty.

He'd...he'd said such awful things to her before she'd gone. When two people have been friends for centuries, they know exactly what to say to make it hurt. Sigyn had given back as good as she got, but instead of petty childish insults, her accusations had rung with truth.

She'd known why no one wanted to be her friend, she'd known exactly what he'd been doing behind her back - all the tricks, all the schemes, everything he'd done to ensure that none would take his friend from him.

As a parting shot she'd declared that even though he'd been horrid, she had stayed his friend because she had cared about him. That he had been special to her and she hadn't wanted to lose him either.

It was one thing to lose his only friend besides his brother - it was another to know that all his fears had been naught but smoke and mirrors. That he had been awful, that he'd made Sigyn sad and disappointed for absolutely nothing.

She had returned to Asgard.

Eventually.

Týr could only use the excuse of his daughter's magical education for so long. Someone of her abilities was too important an asset for the Allfather to ignore.

In the end, they had come to a reconciliation (of sorts) because they were tired of avoiding each other.

Or perhaps, the more simple truth (that neither would have admitted to) was that they missed each other.

They were never again as close as they'd been as children, but they'd stayed friends (or friendly at least). On good enough terms that the Warriors Four had not sought her out to spin their tale of treachery and magical incursion (Sigyn certainly would have been the ideal person to subdue a treacherous, power-mad and magically gifted regent). But not on good enough terms that he would have approached her for help in his ill-conceived scheme to delay Thor's coronation (perhaps events would have played out more favourably if he'd had someone to bounce ideas off).

That had been his Sigyn anyway. The one who didn't even exist now. Reset into non-existence by the TVA along with everything else on the timeline he'd been taken from.

Did you mourn, he'd asked his brother.

We all did.

He wonders if the Sigyn he'd known had mourned him.

The Sigyn briskly walking away now seems ill-inclined to mourn any Loki. What had the Loki of her timeline done to make her want to have nothing to do with him? He isn't sure if he wants to know.

He is tired. So very, very tired. Tired of feeling responsible for things he has not done (yet? is it really destiny if your life is just a series of bullet points on a checklist created and enforced by a totalitarian bureaucratic organization built by person or persons unknown?). Tired of not being able to do anything to make amends for the things that he actually is responsible for.

Except...he can.

Sigyn isn't a memory construct, she is real, she is here.

It's just one thing, one little thing and it is paltry compared to the other ill-deeds he has committed (and the ones he is fated to commit)-

But it's something at least.

Loki catches up to her easily (being roughly a head taller has its advantages) and grabs the end of her staff.

"Sigyn-"

She fixes him with those sharp, dark eyes and he realises he doesn't know how he's supposed to start this. He swallows past the lump in his throat and says the first word that comes to mind.

"Please."

Her eyes soften just a little, but her mouth remains set in a firm, hard line, and she tries to tug the staff out of his grasp.

He doesn't let go.

"Stop trying to stall me."

"I'm not-" Loki bites back the instinctive protestation and soldiers on. "I need to tell you I'm sorry about what I said before Alfheim and for everything I did before that. I'm sorry that I was selfish, I'm sorry that I didn't trust you, I'm sorry I made you cry and...I'm sorry I wasn't a worthy friend to you."

"...Loki," her voice is soft, "That happened centuries ago. I'm not...I'm not even the Sigyn you need to apologize to."

"You're still Sigyn. You deserve one regardless."

Sigyn has that look on her face. That gentle, pensive consideration tinged with something soft and tender that he can't quite name. She used to look at him like that whenever he did something nice (whether unprompted or as an apology for something not so nice he'd done earlier).

Norns. This is getting awkward. Existential fear at the potential cessation of his existence and his childhood night terrors featuring improbably large unicellular organisms notwitstanding, Loki thinks he might not mind if that giant purple cloud trundled in right now and swallowed him up.

"Well, I'd best get on, hadn't I? Surviving and all that?" He coughs, "I...I'm...it was good to see you again. Thank you for not kneeing me in the crotch mid-apology. I appreciate it."

He turns to leave. He doesn't have a clue where to go, but the opposite direction from the purple cloud monster seems like a good start.

Maybe he'll survive long enough to come across Mobius. Half of him wants to find the man as soon as possible (perhaps also be complimented on his intelligence and the betterment of his moral condition). The other half hopes that he never sees him again (because brainwashed amnesiac variant or not, Mobius has subjected him to very unpleasant situations designed to psychologically shatter him. Loki is the last person in the universe who would hold someone entirely responsible for actions undertaken after their minds have been tampered with, but still. Just because he understands doesn't mean he can forget.)

As for Sylvie...Loki doesn't want to think about it, but if the TVA is smart, they wouldn't prune her. They wouldn't risk a repeat of whatever had happened on Lamentis-1, and since he is already here...

"Catch."

The improbable sound of Sigyn's voice startles him from his ruminations and without thinking his hand shoots up to intercept the small rectangular object wrapped in plastic and foil before it hits his face.

Loki stares at the granola bar (expiry date 12/12/2075) incredulously and then at Sigyn, walking briskly at his side and keeping pace with his long strides.

"I thought you-"

"You looked hungry."

"Sigyn, I believe this is what the Midgardians call 'giving mixed signals'."

"Look," she sighs, "I've been looking for...someone very dear to me for a very long time. I can't deny I feel some resentment for everyone I meet wearing his face. My baggage isn't an excuse for my rough treatment of you. It was unfair of me, and I apologise."

He blinks, not quite sure what to make of what she's telling him. Sigyn had never been one to mince words, she either said exactly what was on her mind or nothing at all.

That she is being deliberately vague and yet throwing up strong implications with her choice of words means that she does not want to lie but believes the truth is not something that he will be happy to hear.

Well, by now he's had a lot of experience dealing with unpleasant truths. Another one added to the pile is hardly going to hurt.

Sigyn has just started drinking from a battered metal canteen when he voices his suspicions.

"It's Theoric, isn't it?"

She chokes and spits out half of her drink.

"What?!" She wheezes, "What in Ymir's hoary arse gave you that idea?!"

"Didn't you fancy him back in-" Loki grimaces, snapping his fingers as he tries to pinpoint the date in question, "That year when burgundy was all the rage. Burgundy, scandalously low necklines and uncomfortably tight trousers."

"I went on a date with him because he was handsome, he was annoying me and I was young and stupid," she sneers, "He tried to put his hand up my skirts an hour into the picnic so trust me, after that I wanted nothing to do with the louse."

Something a little too much like that old familiar selfish anger bubbles up in his chest.

"He dared," he growls, "He dared to put his hands on you. He should have had his filthy paws struck off at the wrist for the insult to your dignity."

"Eat your granola, don't crush it," Sigyn says calmly, "In any case, I resolved the situation quite easily and without bloodshed."

"Shame," Loki mutters. He takes a bite of the now somewhat crumbly Midgardian snack and wrinkles his nose at the taste. "So how did you handle that son of a bitch?"

"I rendered him impotent for a year. I would have kept it permanent but he came crawling on his hands and knees begging for my forgiveness, swearing on the souls of his ancestors never to trouble me again, vowing to gift me his firstborn as my thrall etcetera etcetera..." she shrugs, "What can I say? I'm soft."

Loki doesn't remember the last time he's laughed this hard.

#loki #sigyn #mcu #logyn #more implied than anything #this thing has been sitting in my drafts for a week and a half

[jaehyunspeachparty]

daddy jaehyun

iv.xlxi. (a,m)

trigger warning: mentions of abortion

The time when Jaehyun filmed his drama just didn't go by. It was getting harder for you every day. It wasn't easy with the four children either, but most of all you miss your husband. When you heard the door open in the evening and Jaehyun came to bed with you, you never wanted to leave him again. "You're finally here," you whisper and put your lips on his. The kiss was so comforting and full of missing that you didn't want to let go of him. But at some point Jaehyun broke away from you. "I'm so exhausted." He put his head on the pillow and sighed. You stroke his hair and hope he doesn't fall asleep right away. It was the only time you had together at the moment. You just lie down next to him and put your hand on his torso. "I miss you," you whisper to him and look up. "I miss you too and the children, I really don't see them anymore." Jaehyun was still plagued by a guilty conscience. "Hopefully it won't be that long." You sit up and sigh. "Yeah ... hopefully ..." To Jaehyun it felt like an eternity. You then sit on his lap and put your hands under his shirt. You finally wanted to feel love again. You lacked the feeling of lust, of passion. You didn't remember when you last had sex. It was clearly too long ago. "Y/N ..." He gently grabbed your wrists and looked at you sadly. "The children are asleep and we finally have some time for ourselves." You grab his waistband, but Jaehyun stopped you. "I'm really totally tired, I can't do anything today." He stopped you from doing your thing, but you didn't want to give up so easily. You were greedy and you wanted him. You were actually sure that if you would make the start, then he would be quickly convinced. "I'll do most of the work, just relax ..." You smile and slowly and carefully pull down his pants. Most of the time when you were at this point he was a little hard, but this time it was nothing. "Y/N...I don't know..." Jaehyun didn't mean to disappoint you, but he knew his performance wouldn't work down here. But you wanted to try it, you couldn't believe it. You start to take him in your hand, spread a bit of spit along his length and with pressure you move your hand up and down. But there was still no reaction from him. "Y/N ... I ..." He was uncomfortable now because he totally failed. But you wanted to do him something good and you also wanted to experience a few highs yourself. So you draw your last card and put his length in your mouth. Your whole torso leaned down and your butt was up. You wanted to give everything, you couldn't believe that he couldn't be persuaded somehow. But sucking a limp cock really wasn't easy. He was still very soft and it was difficult to stimulate it in this state. You press your lips together, lick his tip and massage his testicles. And as much as you try, he just didn't get hard. This whole thing then became uncomfortable for Jaehyun. He was tired and still under the pressure that he couldn't get hard. "Y/N, stop it." His voice sounded harsher than expected. You look up in surprise and somehow you didn't know how to deal with the situation. You sit up and look at him desperately. You didn't have any bad intentions, but you just wanted affection and love from your husband. You were also stressed out by all of this and you just wanted to take some stress off with him. "I don't mean that, but I'm just tired. The day was exhausting today." "Do you think my day wasn't exhausting today?" You were kind of hurt and disappointed. "Yes, but ... Y/N, I was really busy today." Jaehyun tried to justify himself, but you shake your head. "And should it continue like this for the next few weeks. Should we as a married couple give us up completely?" You didn't know what to think because it was all so confused. "No, but I ..." "Don’t you miss me?" You look at him with glassy eyes and cross your arms. "I miss you, but I can hardly ..." He couldn't go on talking. He was ashamed of himself that he was so limp today and couldn't get hard. "Anyway, leave it. I'm sleeping somewhere else today." You got up and left the bedroom. You didn't want to see or hear Jaehyun. You were disappointed that he hardly found time for you. You knew the drama was draining him a lot of time and energy. But it was all too much. He was hardly there, you were alone with the kids and he was kissing some beautiful actress on the set. Your jealousy was still something very present and you could hardly let go of it. Maybe this time it was you who ruined the relationship?

When you wake up in the morning, Jaehyun was long gone. You had only heard him briefly, but then he went straight to the garage. In the morning you visit Johanna and wanted to know how she was doing after the abortion. When you two were at the doctor, it was just quiet. You didn't talk and you just try to stand by her. But now days had passed and you hope she was better. Johanna was off that day and had the children with her too. This allowed your children to hang out while you chatted. "How are you?" You ask concerned and Johanna looked at you annoyed. "Don't come on me like that ..." she sighed and admonished you. "What?" "You feel sorry for me." Johanna shook her head and looked again at the children. "No, I'm worried. An abortion isn’t easy. It is an invasion of your body." Johanna went through so much the last few years and she had severe depressions, of course you are worried about how she deals with it. "Yes ... it wasn't easy ..." Johanna lowered her head and grabbed her stomach briefly. It was weird that she wasn't pregnant anymore. "But I feel so much relief ... I feel freer ..." Johanna sometimes felt bad for her thoughts, but for a long time she felt as if she could breathe again without problems. "I'm glad you're feeling better now." You smile and stroke her hand. At that moment Johanna was so grateful for your confidence and touch that she hadn't felt alone for a long time. Even when she was with Johnny, she often felt alone. But now she had her life under control again and she could think clearly again. She had her two children, her new job, her own apartment and a good friend like you. She never thought, neither did you, that your friendship would one day become so intimate. "How are you? It seems like something is bothering you." Johanna looked at you and you stroked Geon's head, who was sitting on your lap. "It's so hard right now that Jaehyun is never there." You sigh and look down at your son. "How are you doing with your jealousy?" Johanna knew about your problem and you couldn't say that you were better. "Bad. Oh my god Johanna, I'm going crazy." You throw your head back and you want to scream. Then you put your hands on Geon's ears and start whispering. "I need sex so badly, I can hardly take it anymore. Shit I just want him to grab me, fuck me wild and I cum so hard again that I forget my own name." You were really desperate. "Wow, how long has it been for you?" Asked Johanna, surprised. "Far too long, I don't know anymore. I think since he started filming the drama again." You sigh and take another sip of your coffee. "Hmmm .... okay ..." Johanna doesn't know what to say either. "I'm so horny as I haven't been in a long time. And what the dildo gives me is no longer enough anymore." Johanna had to laugh, because in the beginning you didn't want the thing and now you were glad that you had something to stimulate you. "Can't nobody take care of the children? You can sleep in a hotel for a night and have a good fuck again." Johanna's idea wasn't bad, but there was a problem. "I've already suggested that, but he wants to spend his free time with the children. Which I understand because he doesn't see the children from Monday to Friday." You sigh and were really desperate. "The disadvantage of being married to a good father," said Johanna with a wink. "Am I selfish?" You suddenly ask her and turn to her. "What?" Johanna didn't understand what you mean. "I'm selfish. I want Jaehyun to do something with me without his children for a day and only look after us." You lower your head and you feel bad. Maybe you were too hard on him. "No, you are still a married couple, you need time together." "But we have toddlers, we have to be there for them. They come first." "But you need time together so that you can become stronger as a team and also so that you don't go crazy. You shouldn't neglect yourselves, otherwise you'll end up like me and Johnny." You lean back and don't know what to say or think. Have you been selfish? Should you demand something like this? Was sex really that important? Should you care more about your marriage? You didn't know what was right or wrong anymore ...

In the evening Jaehyun still didn’t come home. It was the usual time, but he just didn't come. Tears came to your eyes, your pulse was high and you did not know how to act. Are you overreacting? Or were you allowed to claim time? But at the same time you miss him. At the same time you were plagued by jealousy. The next moment you take the remote control and turn off the television. You try to sleep a little, because in four hours Kiwoo would wake you up because he is hungry. You lie alone in the big bed. It felt so lonely. A shiver ran down your spine and a sob overwhelmed you. Why were you so full of emotions? Why did you come to tears so quickly? At some point you managed to doze off a little, but you always startle. You reach aside and Jaehyun still wasn't there. You were beginning to worry that something might have happened. You sit up and look at your phone. No message. No phone call. You dial his number, but no one answered. You write him to call you and try to lie down again. But still nothing came. You toss and turn, can't sleep, and start worrying. What if he had an accident? You fell apart in an argument and you would never forgive yourself if something happened now. You feel incredibly guilty. Everything contracted inside you and you are getting closer and closer to a panic attack. You call him again and again. You write to him too, but there was never an answer. At some point it was 3 o'clock in the morning. You go into the kitchen and make yourself some tea. Your pulse was still high and you had thousands of scenarios in your head and you plan to go to the police in the morning. Or that you call Johnny quickly so you can go to the police station and he'll take care of the kids. You didn't know what to do. Maybe you should just call the local police and see if something happened. You take your iPad and look for the number, when suddenly the front door opened. You look over and see how Jaehyun struggled to take off his shoes. He just threw the jacket down and almost fell to the floor. You look at him in disbelief. Did that really happen? "Are you still awake?" He slurred and looked at you in amazement. His cheeks and nose were red and he was having a hard time standing up straight. "Why didn't you answer your phone?" You were done with your nerves, you couldn't sleep. Jaehyun took his phone out of his pocket and glanced at the screen. "Oops ..." He saw the calls and messages, but due to his high alcohol level he didn't realize what was happening. "I just can't believe it ..." You didn't even know what to say anymore. You were disappointed and angry. At some point you just turn around even more and go up the stairs. "Y/N ... are you still angry?" You couldn't stand Jaehyun's streak of alcohol. You wonder why he even made it up the stairs. "Yes," you hissed back angrily. "Come on ... it's not that bad ..." You roll your eyes and you couldn't even listen to him anymore. "You could have called, I was worried." You turn to him and look at him disappointed. The tears were gathering in your eyes and it was hard to hold you back. "I didn't look at my phone. Sorry ..." He snorted and tried to be cute, but that only annoyed you. "I thought something happened to you." You take his bedding and cling tightly around it. "I thought you had an accident. FUCK! Jaehyun, I wanted to go to the police. You always call me when it gets late. ALWAYS!" You throw the bedding at him and your sobs got louder and louder. Jaehyun looked at you confused and his drunken brain found it difficult to process all of this. "I don't want you with me. You sleep somewhere else. I don't care where." You push him out of the bedroom and slam the door. Jaehyun looked at the closed door, the bedding in his hand and only the next day will he realize what just happened here.

daddy jaehyun masterlist

#jaehyun #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun smut #jaehyun angst #jaehyun jung #daddy jaehyun #NCT #nct 127 #nct u #nct 2020 #nct smut #nct angst #nct 127 smut #nct 127 angst

[waithyuck]

smile

***part of the nct almost collab by @hyucksie***

pairing: zhong chenle x reader (f)

genre: ANGST, a single grain of fluff

word count: 7k

warnings: swearing, depictions of depression, overall sadness, frustration/anger, the reader is sort of obsessed with chenle, heartbreak, descriptions of a panic attack + anxiety, chenle becomes an ass :/, forced kissing, hyuck is a good friend :)

a/n: my piece for the ALMOST collab! I hope you all enjoy this mess of feelings 🥴 idk if this is actually good or not but I think I’m happy with the way it turned out ??? idk anyway enjoy lmao

———

Ever since you could remember, you’ve had a crush on Chenle.

Literally ever since you could remember, considering he’s been in your life since you were five years old.

Classic boy next door trope, you could say.

You attended the same school and even shared classes together throughout your elementary and middle school years. High school obviously had a lot more freedom, giving you the opportunity to pick and choose classes that suited your interests. naturally, that pulled the two of you apart in a certain sense.

You could recall one instance in the very beginning of your freshman year where you caught Chenle and some random girl kissing behind the bleachers. It tore you apart inside, so young a fragile at the time, but you threw on a smile like you always tended to do, and let out a quick and airy apology before running off into the safety of Donghyuck’s arms.

Nonetheless, you and Chenle were pretty damn close; kind of like those best friends you see in books or stories...except that in fiction they usually end up together, and you and Chenle, well...haven’t yet.

You still had hope though, that maybe he felt the same way you did for him. You held onto that hope and cherished it, considering it was the only reason you could get up and face the world on most days.

Yeah, you knew it was pathetic. at least you could acknowledge the fact that relying on feelings from a boy you liked was incredibly stupid, but hey, you had the brain of a senior in high school.

Anyway, you and Chenle were very friendly toward each other, and of course you would talk to each other out your individual windows sometimes late at night, but it wasn’t like those stories people read online. You were simply really good friends; nothing like brother and sister, but certainly not anything more than just friends.

You’d say you probably know more about Chenle than most; besides your shared friends Donghyuck (who was already in university, and your closest friend next to Chenle) and Jisung (who was just a tad bit younger and too shy to really hold a conversation with you). You paid close attention to him because, well, who doesn’t want to know everything about the person they’re crushing on?

Even so, it was definitely a given that Chenle was extremely passionate about his schoolwork and his future career. This kid wanted to be the ‘best lawyer the world has ever seen’, according to himself. You were always supportive of him, egging him on when the workload got to him and assuring him that everything would be okay in the end, even when he was exhausted from all his extracurricular activities and volunteering. Chenle seriously seemed like he would work himself to death.

You never really fully processed what him being passionate about his future would mean for you, and how it would affect your relationship and friendship with him. You didn’t even know that he applied to universities at all (since he didn’t tell you and you were kind of oblivious, to be honest), let alone which ones he strived for.

Fast forward to the present, it was currently the middle of November and school was going full swing, your senior year of high school passing by like a breeze. You were currently hanging out with Donghyuck, who was in town for the weekend from his university in the next city over. It was always nice to see him, his presence always putting a smile on your face.

You both sat at a window seat in the middle of a fairly busy restaurant, joking with each other and picking at your food lightly as you conversed. It grew silent for a moment, your chuckles dying down from some stupid attempt at a joke by Hyuck, before he broke it.

“Did you hear that Chenle got into Harvard?” Donghyuck absentmindedly spoke quietly, picking at the salad seated in front of him on the restaurant table. “Full fucking ride.” He didn’t even look up to meet your now bulging eyes.

Your blood ran ice cold as your heart began to seemingly stop beating, freezing just like your veins.

“He what?” you practically screeched, causing the boy across from you to jump slightly.

Hyuck looked at you then, his cheeks filled with food as he grasped his chest dramatically.

“Uh yeah?” he replied like it was obvious. “He’s really passionate about his career choice, you know.”

“Of course I know!” you shrieked at him, your hands going up to pull at your hair exasperatedly. You chewed your lip, your heart pounding and squeezing in your chest at the notion of Chenle’s inevitable departure from your life. “What, you think I wouldn’t know that the boy I’ve known since I was a LITERAL CHILD, isn’t passionate about his future?!”

Donghyuck was now looking around the both of you, taking notice of the strangers who were now staring at your visibly panicked form.

“Y/N, calm down, please–“

“I’m calm! I’m perfectly fine! ahah,” you chewed on your nails frantically as you tried to quiet your mouth and your mind, your leg shaking nonstop under the table, causing the silverware to shake.

You distracted yourself by looking out the window to your immediate left, trying to watch the people walk by like it was some sort of therapy for your bustling thoughts.

“Why didn’t he tell us he was applying to–“ you cut yourself off quietly, stopping your question short. ”...How does he know already?” you asked, your voice small.

“Early action or some shit, I guess.”

It was quiet for a few minutes between you both; Hyuck continued to munch on his salad and you could feel his eye warily watching you as you chewed your nails to nubs.

“...Are you okay?” he finally questioned, his voice comforting as he pulled you from out of your own head.

“Just,” you bit your lip, your eyes spaced out as you stared down at the floor. “Why couldn’t he have picked a school around here?” Your voice was small and quiet, and you could hear the boy across from you sigh. “Why couldn’t he just do that, like you?”

He didn’t really say anything then, picking up the fact that those were most definitely rhetorical questions. You didn’t touch any more of your food, your stomach tied up in knots, making you feel sick.

“Y/N...”

You didn’t look at him, your face hot with embarrassment from how much pain your heart was actually feeling at the news that Chenle, the boy you have loved for years, would be leaving you.

“He’s really excited about this...you…” he trailed off, trying to pick his next words carefully. “You need to show him some support, even though I know it hurts you.”

You knew that deep down, Hyuck was absolutely right. What kind of friend would you be if you were selfish and kept yourself wrapped up in your own feelings? You sniffled and picked your head back up, finally looking at him.

“You’re right. you are absolutely right.” you finally breathed out, trying to slowly calm your aching anxiety. “Just like always, Hyuck.” You cracked a slight smile then, and he returned it, seeming relieved that you snapped out of your panic, even if it was just a little bit.

“At least you can acknowledge it, angel.” He sent you a wink along with the pet name, and you jokingly gagged, which caused the both of you to laugh.

With the mood seemingly lifted, you were able to enjoy the rest of your time with Donghyuck, even if the anxiety of Chenle leaving was still a heavy presence in the back of your reeling mind.

——

That same night, you laid yourself across your pillows and stared up at the ceiling, not even bothering to change out of your slightly uncomfortable jeans. The lights were on and all was quiet as you laid trapped in your own thoughts, the inevitable scene of your crush of many, many years leaving replaying on loop inside your head.

You tried to distract yourself by working on some miscellaneous homework assignments, trying to get your work done as quickly and efficiently as possible.

You were just getting in the flow of writing a rough draft for an essay when you heard your mother yell up the steps at you.

“Y/N!” she called, startling you. when you replied with a ‘Yeah?’ she continued, “Chenle is here, I’m sending him up!”

Your heart jumped and you quickly shot up from your bed, trying to get rid of any clothes strewn around your floor to at least make your room somewhat presentable. As you slammed the hamper lid shut, you heard a small knock on the door before Chenle let himself in, already beaming at you.

“Y/N, I have some awesome news!” he immediately spoke, shutting the door behind him. You will yourself not to let your heart sink, already knowing what he wanted to share with you he reached behind him to grab his book bag, and once it was in his grasp he set it on the floor, taking a seat beside you on your bed.

You tried not to let your heart race as his shoulder brushed against yours, and you tried to convert up your nerves by giving him a smile in return. Chenle rummaged through his back before angrily grunting, turning to face you.

“I left something at home that I wanted to show you, shit,” he murmured, his hand coming up to swipe over his face. “I can go grab it real quick–“

“Let’s just go to your room, it’s literally right across. We can climb,” you suggested, wanting to escape the suffocating warmth of your own bedroom. Plus, you were always more comfortable sitting on his mattress anyway. “It’ll be fun, like when we were younger.”

You two both grinned at each other then, Chenle nodding his head in compliance as you both stood, preparing yourselves for the leap out of your bedroom window.

You didn’t bother with a jacket; you were only going to be out in the cold for about five minutes tops, anyway. You allowed him to go first, his body jumping out and landing on the roof of your shed with ease. You quickly followed suit, landing a little rough but still in one piece, nonetheless.

He generously offered to prop you up first so you could skillfully open his window from the outside, which you gladly accepted with a smirk on your lips.

“You’re the best at it.” he replied, slightly whining at your smug reaction. “Always have been. For some reason I can never get it open!!”

You ignored him after that, focusing on keeping your balance on his shoulders while you lifted the window open, pulling yourself up on the sill and throwing yourself inside with a dull thud. You heard the scrapings of Chenle making his way up the side of his house, and he toppled in not long after you.

“I’m definitely never doing that again,” he panted, laying flat on his back on the floor for a few moments. You stared back at him from his bed, giggling at his heavily rising and falling chest. “Maybe not never...but not again anytime soon, that’s for sure.”

He managed to pull himself up from the carpet, dusting off his pants and shrugging off his coat before joining you on the bed. He pulled a piece of paper from his nightstand, and your heart began to pound with untamed anxiety.

“This,” he started, his eyes sparkling as he looked at the piece of paper before looking back at you. “is my acceptance letter to Harvard. I got in, Y/N!!!”

Chenle was so excited, and you couldn’t help but swoon at the absolute elation in his eyes as he went on about what he was accepted for and even what the letter said.

You, of course, didn’t tell him that you already knew, courtesy of Donghyuck. If you would have known that Chenle applied to Harvard, you would have had no doubts from the very beginning that he would get in.

Maybe he didn’t tell anyone just in case he wasn’t accepted, and if no one knew then there would be no one to disappoint.

You knew that no matter what, you could never ever be disappointed in Chenle. He was too smart and too good to ever be thought of in that way.

All you could do was smile and smile some more as he went on, barely breathing before he finally took a short pause. His eyes fell down to look at his denim covered legs, and he bit his lip as you watched him in the sudden quiet of his room.

It didn’t last very long, and he took a deep breath before breaking the short silence.

“They want me to fly out there as soon as possible,” he finally spoke, looking up at you from where his gaze was previously on his lap. “I talked to our school, and they’re willing to let me graduate early. I have all my credits, which is really cool.”

Chenle seemed excited, but he spoke softly, as if he knew how hard this news was for you to hear. You surprised yourself at how composed you were acting, despite the jabbing pain you felt in your heart with every word that passed through his lips.

“That’s great,” you commented, a tight smile lining your face, your voice so close to breaking. “When do you leave?”

A question you didn’t really want the answer to. You didn’t want him to leave at all, and gaining the knowledge of a deadline wouldn’t ease your aching heart any.

He shuffled on the bed, pulling his legs up to sit fully on the mattress facing you. He clasped his hands together and sighed, his bleached blonde hair falling into his eyes.

“The end of December, right before new years,” he chewed on the inside of his cheek, his eyes trying to gauge your reaction, even though you weren’t really giving him anything to work with.

That was really soon…

“Wait, but that’s before our semester ends—“

“I know.” he cut you off, smiling brightly. “Like I said, the school is alright with this all happening. They’re really happy for me.”

You sighed, nodding in understanding. It was silent for a moment once more between the two of you; only the sounds of distant cars driving down the otherwise quiet street could be heard for a few moments.

“I just want you to know that I’m really happy for you too, Chenle.” you softly spoke, your hand reaching out to boldly cover his own sitting on the bed in front of you. He stared down at your now touching fingers, but didn’t move to pull away from your warmth.

“Thank you,” he smiled, surprising you by taking your hand in his own and squeezing it, taking your contact with each other a step further. “It means a lot coming from you.”

“Does my approval matter to you?” you questioned, not able to keep it from slipping past your lips. His eyebrows quirked up and he tilted his head a little, looking away briefly before making eye contact once again.

“Yeah, I guess it does.” he replied. “I never really thought about it before, but now that you brought it up...it really does, so thank you.”

You stared at each other then, your lips parted and dry, your brain not sure what to say to him in response. Your heart was hammering in your chest and your ears were consumed with the rhythmic beating and blood rushing happening within your own body.

His brown eyes and dyed blonde hair captivated you and your tongue felt like sandpaper inside your mouth. he looked like he was fighting with himself in a way; restricting his body from moving closer to your own as you sat there in the silence of his room. Your body seemed to mechanically move on its own as it scooted closer to him, your fingers tightening around his as you situated yourself against his body, your face now just next to his. His eyes flicked down to your lips before moving back to your wide eyes, and you felt your stomach jump in anticipation.

Before either of you could do anything, a loud bang came from outside of his bedroom door, followed by a yell from his mother.

You sprung away from each other and you immediately shot up from his bed, already sprinting to his open window from which you came in from. Chenle stood as well, looking between you and the locked door that held his mother back.

“I’ll see you at school.” you hurriedly whispered, taking one more glance at his red cheeks before leaping out the window and down onto the grass below.

You climbed your way up to your own open bedroom window, using the shed and throwing yourself inside quickly before shutting it and closing the curtains. Once you were sure everything was locked and the lights were all off, you slammed yourself down onto your mattress, shoved your face into your pillows, and screamed.

——

“Can we go for a walk around the neighborhood? I want to see all the Christmas lights before people start taking them down.” Chenle spoke through the speaker on your phone, his face not in view on the screen as you FaceTimed each other. You heard shuffling on his end as you focused your attention on your laptop screen, mindlessly shopping online for random things to keep your mind off of the fact that Chenle was leaving in just three days.

The few weeks you had with him passed by like a blur, and you both tried to spend as much time together as possible. Between having to spend time with your family and other friends, it wasn’t as much as you would have liked it to have been.

“Yeah, sure.” you mumbled, closing the laptop on your bed with a soft clack. “Meet you outside in fifteen?”

“Make it ten.” he replied with a smile in his voice, before hanging up.

You sighed heavily before putting your coat on, bundling yourself up for the bite of the cold outside. It was bitterly freezing, and you knew without your whole winter ensemble that you wouldn’t be able to feel your fingers within two seconds flat of being out there.

Fumbling with the buttons and zipper on your coat, you managed to make it outside in seven minutes even, meeting him on the sidewalk just down your driveway.

“Wow, not late for once.” he commented, nudging your shoulder as the two of your began to walk in sync down your brightly lit street.

“Knock it off, I can be on time when I try hard enough.” You rolled your eyes playfully at him, a hint of a smile gracing your lips as you began to take in the beautiful lights around you.

Christmas truly was a beautiful time of year; not just for the holiday itself, because not everyone celebrated it obviously, but for the decorations and the sense of home and warmth.

Chenle and yourself both kept relatively quiet as you walked on, only making noise when you wanted to get each other’s attention to point out certain decorations on some houses. It was rather peaceful, and your heart was swelling with warmth in adoration as you looked to admire his face, which was illuminated by the colorful Christmas lights surrounding you.

Your stomach jolted slightly. This may be the last time you see him for a while. You didn’t mean for the intrusive thought of his absence to wiggle its way into your mind, but it was too late to fight it off.

‘I should just confess’, you thought, now nervously picking at your nails, and chewing your lip to bits. ‘There may not be another chance like this, not for a while.’

It was selfish...but it was now or never.

Too shy to actually confess your feelings first—and thinking back to certain moments that you’ve shared with Chenle to come to this conclusion—you decided to take a different approach.

Get him to confess first.

“I need to ask you something,” you blurted out, your brain scolding your mouth silently for being so goddamn reckless in a moment of weakness.

Maybe this was a bad idea...

Chenle quirked his eyebrow up at you before stopping, turning to face you entirely.

“What’s up?” he replied, his hands stuffed deeply in his pockets in a desperate attempt to keep them warm. His nose was red from the chill in the air and his lips were the same shade from him biting them, the sheen of his chapstick almost completely gone now. His eyes were glassy from the wind blowing and even though his cheeks were blotched in crimson, you thought this was the most beautiful he had ever looked.

You couldn’t do this. Fuck, you really couldn’t do this. Why did you have to open your big, stupid mouth—

“Hey Y/N? Are you in there?” he suddenly broke you from your own thoughts, causing you to jump a little in your boots. “What did you wanna ask me?”

“Uh,” Quick, think of something dumb! “You know, why is perfume so damn expensive?”

You wanted to throw yourself into a frozen lake at this point, as you watched his brow furrow in confusion.

“Uhm, I don’t know,” he bit his lip for about the hundredth time since you started your walk. “Ingredients maybe? Higher end perfumes probably have stuff in them that are more hard to come by, so that’s probably wh—“

“Do you like me?” you interrupted him loudly, squeezing your eyes shut as you practically belted out your original question.

He seemingly froze in front of you, and definitely not from the cold air whipping around your bodies as the wind harshly blew.

“Do I...like you.” he repeated back, formed as a statement more than a question. “Like...as in romantically?”

You didn’t even have to nod for him to know what you meant; the look in your eyes told him enough. The pleading, glassy look as hope swirled beneath your irises, just absolutely begging him to say that yes, he did like you in the way that you liked him.

“Yes,” you confirmed audibly anyway, heat flickering throughout your entire face. “You know, b-because I think before we almost kissed in your room that one time not too long ago, and we’ve been more touchy lately—“ you would have continued on your panicked rambling if he hadn’t cut you off, beginning to speak solemnly.

“Y/N...I..” he started, shaking his head as he tried to get his thoughts straight. “I do. I really do,” your heart jumped at his confession, and you allowed it to spread in your body like wildfire. It didn’t get very far, because he continued to speak. “but I...I can’t.”

You visibly deflated; your heart shattered like glass and everything colorful around you seemed to fade into a greyscale, the holiday lights surrounding the two of you no longer sparking any kind of joy. “This scholarship...my future...it’s important to me. I can’t let anything stop me, I’m so sorry…”

“Chenle...” you whimpered, stepping closer to him boldly, unsure of how to properly express your feelings to him at this point. You dared to breach his personal space, and he watched your every move with those same, glossy brown eyes that you adored every day for so many years.

You tilted your head, your lips ghosting over his own as he let out shaky breaths, yours matching his as you stood together in the cold.

His lips were right there. unmoving, as he didn’t pull away from you. If your leaned forward just a little more...almost….almostalmostalmost—so close—

“Y/N, stop.” he suddenly muttered, pulling you out of your trance. His head drew back as he stepped away, still in your reach but far enough to where your lips weren’t brushing against each other’s anymore.

You gritted your teeth at the rejected feeling that bubbles up inside you, the tears welling your eyes before spilling hotly down your frozen cheeks.

“I love you, Chenle.” you cried, gripping the rough material of his jean jacket. The darkness of the night could have hidden your tears if it weren’t for the moonlight blaring down on the two of you like a spotlight. “Please, I love you.”

He looked like he was trying to hold himself together, his lips set in a straight line as he looked away from you, his hands hovering over your wrists. Chenle gripped them suddenly, not hard, but with enough force to get you to pay attention.

“I love you too, Y/N.” he finally admitted, his voice quiet as he tried to restrain his emotions. “But I can’t pass this up. I just can’t.”

You should have forced yourself to understand. This was his life, for fucks sake. You shouldn’t have let yourself feel selfish, thinking that he would drop everything to stay here. With you.

“We can’t be together. I’m sorry.” he finished with that, slowly dropping your wrists from his hold. “If I…” he swallowed thickly. “If I let you kiss me, I know I wouldn’t be able to leave. I know it.”

He took in your figure at last, watching as your tears fell freely from your eyes in hot rivers down your already stained cheeks.

“Look, maybe someday this would work...but just, not now.” he sounded exasperated, running a hand through his hair. “Your life is here, and my life will be starting there. I’ll be busy constantly and it just...won’t be fair. It really won’t, you have to understand, Y/N.”

He watched as your hands shook when you lifted them to wipe your face, solemnly nodding in acknowledgement to his words.

“Okay.” you croaked, not meeting his eyes as you turned to walk away, leaving him in the middle of the park you used to play at when you were kids.

You weren’t going to put up a fight. You weren’t going to plead with him anymore. You were going to try your absolute hardest to stop yourself from being selfish in that way.

You were just going to have to live with that fact that you couldn’t have him right now. That you almost could have had him.

Almost.

——

Chenle faded out of your life like he wasn’t even present in the first place. You barely heard from him after he left; there would be miscellaneous texts here and there but overall, he was right in the end. He was really always busy.

His school workload was heavy, and you were aware of that, but a selfish part of you always seemed to get angry at him for not responding to you.

The worst part was not knowing whether he wanted to reach out to you at all.

He didn’t come home during summer break, which broke your heart a little bit. Donghyuck tried his best to be there for you as you went through the motions; you were constantly miserable at the reality that you most likely would never call Chenle your own.

Chenle didn’t keep in contact much with Hyuck or Jisung either, seemingly leaving you all in the dust as he went about his new life away from you. His parents talked to him all the time obviously, and your own mother would dawdle on about something that Chenle achieved at school to you, but you’ve come to pretty much ignore everything that had to do with him.

You went about getting your own education, passing your classes by the skin of your teeth during the first semester and then producing the same results during the semester after that.

You really couldn’t blame yourself for feeling so utterly heartbroken; you were in love with that boy for most of your life, and for him to suddenly rip himself away from you like that was wholeheartedly agonizing.

Chenle rarely ever came home; he did briefly for Christmas, but then hurriedly left immediately after, not even staying for the full duration of his break.

You actually ran into him by accident one day while he was still home, but you didn’t stay in his presence very long before wanting to go to the safety of your bedroom and cry.

“Did you even miss me?” you whimpered out, exhausted after your small talk had turned into a bit of an argument. He sighed heavily, frustrated no doubt. you could hear it in his voice as he spoke to you.

“What do you want me say, Y/N?” he countered, scoffing at you as you held back the pain you felt burning behind your eyes, desperate to cry. “I haven’t even had the time to miss anyone, let alone you.”

You stood in silence for a moment, baffled at his dismissive attitude of it all. It’s like he didn’t even remember that he told you he liked you too all those months ago.

“You...” your voice cracked a little, and you looked away from him. “Did you even try, Chenle? Did you even try to find the time to talk to me?”

He didn’t say anything back, only staring at you before tearing his eyes away, his jaw locked. You felt as if you already knew the answer.

You turned to leave, but felt his hand immediately circle around your arm, roughly pulling you back to face him. Taking one look at his face, you knew he was angry.

“Do you know how much it hurt, Y/N?” he barked out, making you flinch back slightly. “Do you know how much it hurt to leave you? I–“ he cut himself off as his voice cracked, turning his head away and swallowing heavily before continuing. “I wanted to, so bad Y/N. You have no idea.”

Your lips parted in shock, and you had a million things you wanted to say, but you managed to keep it all inside as he went on.

“But I had to control myself. I already came to terms with the fact that this,” he gestured between the two of you, “wasn't going to ever work out. I figured that out a long time ago... I had to distance myself from you, I’m sorry.”

You really didn’t want to accept that apology. You really really didn’t. Your anger was swirling inside you, a typhoon of emotions building and building as you stared back into his now cold brown eyes. To you, they used to be so full of warmth and friendliness, and now they looked distant and unentertained, like he didn’t want to be here in the first place.

That hurt like a bitch.

You scoffed at him, making his eyebrows raise in confusion before they furrowed, his eyes narrowed at you.

Yeah, you were probably being a bitch for not accepting his apology, and all of this was turning out to be super petty, but you felt like he deserved it just a little bit.

Deep down you knew he had a point; his reasoning was valid and it all made sense, but when did having feelings for someone like you had for him ever lead to rational decision making?

“You know, Chenle,” you started, shoving your hands in your pockets roughly to shield them from the cold. “I really thought that we could still be friends after all the bullshit, I really did.” He watched you carefully as you practically spat forth those words, venom dripping in your tone. “But then you went and messed it all up.”

You probably shouldn’t have added that last part; playing the blame game never worked in anyone’s favor in the end, but your emotions once again got the best of you.

Smoke practically blew out his ears as his mouth parted in shock. Your heart dropped when you heard the sound of sarcastic laughter falling out of his mouth, knowing full well that you fucked up this time.

“I messed it up? Me??” He was pointing to his own chest for emphasis, and you had the audacity to give him a quick nod. “Ahah, wow Y/N, that’s really rich coming from you.”

You didn’t even have a second to get a word in before he crowded your space, so close that your chests were touching. You drew in a sharp breath, not sure what in the hell he was doing right now.

“You were the one that was practically begging me to kiss you that night, remember? You were trying so hard,” he spat, so close to your face now that you couldn’t even feel the cold nipping at your cheeks anymore (whether it be from the embarrassment lacing through your veins or the extensive heat from his body, you weren’t sure).

You couldn’t think of anything to say in response; all you knew was that he was dishing out pretty low blows, and each word was like a knife being plunged into your chest.

“Like, how desperate are you?” he added in, now moving his hands to grip your waist, making you squeak in surprise. “You want a kiss so bad? Get fucking ready.”

You weren’t sure what he meant and your brain was having such a hard time comprehending anything going on in that moment, the pressure of his hands gripping your waist making all thoughts fly out of your head besides one.

Him.

“Wait, Chenle–“ you placed a hand on his chest to try to push him away, unsure of how you felt about this situation.

“What, you don’t want it now?” his voice was borderline malicious as he spoke to you now, making you feel incredibly small and vulnerable under his gaze.

“No I–“

“You come to me and give me all that bullshit, and now when I’m trying to give you something that you wanted,” his grip grew tighter. “you don’t want it anymore? Make up your damn mind, Y/N.”

You did want it. There was still a huge part of you that screamed at you to just let it happen, but you knew it would be wrong. So fucking wrong. He wasn’t doing this because he wanted to; he was doing this because he wanted all this to end right here.

You were scared. He was scaring you with the way he was acting right now.

“Chenle, please—“

“Just shut up.”

Chenle didn’t allow you to get another word in before he crashed his lips against yours, roughly pressing his against your own so abruptly that you felt your teeth pierce the inside of yours. You tasted blood, but it wasn’t the first thing on your mind at the moment; Chenle moved his mouth against yours aggressively and without any emotion besides anger behind it, and you absolutely hated it.

Sure, it felt nice to finally get what you wanted, but in a way, you definitely were not. This isn’t what you wanted at all. You wanted to love him and you wanted him to love you...and you wanted it to feel nice.

His hands slid down to your hips and your stomach jumped in surprise as you tried desperately to match his pace to at least kiss him back a little bit. It didn’t last long, and with a strong push on your hips he effectively pulled away, your body stumbling back from the force of his shove.

His lips were red and puffy and his eyes were dark as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, panting slightly. You probably looked somewhat the same, but didn’t even move from where you stood as he stared at you. You felt your eyes become glassy from staring into space too long, and you felt your hands shake, but most definitely not from the cold.

“There’s your fucking kiss.” He finally said, taking two steps back. “Goodbye, Y/N.”

You didn’t even watch him walk back into his house. You ran as fast as you could back into your own home and immediately slammed the front door shut behind you, darting up the stairs without a single word.

You barged into your bedroom and without even removing your winter garments, you threw yourself down onto your mattress for what seemed like the millionth time in the last year, and began to sob.

——

Chenle’s parents said that he had commitments at the school, some sort of research or whatever, and that’s why he couldn’t stay home long. At the time, all you really thought was ‘good riddance’, but you knew that your heart would be back to obsessing over him in no time, even after what had happened between the two of you on the day you try so hard not to remember.

Well, at least he was flourishing at school.

When Donghyuck found out what had happened between you and Chenle during the time he was home from university, he was ready to kill someone. That someone being Chenle.

“He did what to you?!” Donghyuck screamed over the phone, causing you to pull it from your ear from the sheer volume of his screeching. “I’ll kill him, Y/N. I swear I’ll fucking kill that kid.”

“No need, Hyuckie. It’s not that big of a deal.” you replied somberly, sighing as you relaxed on your mattress against your pillows.

“Not a big deal??? Angel, he basically forced that shit on you,” Hyuck was speaking softly to you now, a stark contrast to his yelling from a few moments prior. “You should be furious at him. You need to tell someone—“

“I’m not mad,” you replied quietly, chewing on your bottom lip. “A part of me wanted that to happen, Hyuck. It just…” your voice trailed off, your brain trying to think of the right words to say. “Wasn’t what I was expecting, is all.”

The line was quiet and you weren’t sure what to say next, and Donghyuck must have felt the same. It was a really fucked up situation, you had to admit.

“I think I…” your voice sounded broken, but you continued. “I think I still love him.” The words came out as a whisper and they surprised even yourself, not expecting to admit such a thing after all that has happened.

“Oh, angel…” was all Donghyuck replied with before you quickly made up some lame excuse to hang up the call with him. You hurriedly pressed the ‘end call’ button and threw yourself back on the bed, spacing out once again just like you always do.

You managed to bear with not seeing or talking to Chenle after the incident (a huge part of you didn’t want to, after hearing what he had to say and also what he did during Christmas break), but when you stumbled across a post of his one night a couple months after while scrolling through Instagram, it had your heart shattering completely.

“What the fuck,” you whimpered, already struggling to hold back tears as your watery eyes stared daggers at the photo displayed on your screen. “What. The. Fuck?” you said it louder this time, with more malice, and you threw your phone across your bed to get it away from you.

Chenle had posted a photo of himself and another girl, kissing each other while snow fell in some random park you didn’t give a fuck about. He found someone else. He fell for someone else.

The hypocrisy.....he didn’t want to be with you because he wanted to focus on school, but then he goes and starts up a relationship with someone else anyway?

Maybe he did it to spite you.

At first, you felt pathetic for crying about it. You tried to muffle your cries in your pillow, holding back the ugly sobs that you so desperately wanted to let out. You silently cried, your heart aching and your lungs gasping for air as you fought the pain in the dark pit inside your chest.

You began to grow angry after a while, your thoughts spinning wildly out of control as your chest heaved, your nails digging into your sheets to keep yourself from clawing at your own burning throat.

You screamed.

You screamed and screamed and cried until there was nothing left inside you. You needed to let out the festering hatred you had grown for him since he left over a year ago. It was ugly and it was cacophonous, but you didn’t care anymore.

Your parents were luckily out, and you didn’t give a fuck about your neighbors. You poured out every raw emotion you felt until you sensed yourself beginning to calm; your chest no longer rose and fell like you had been running a marathon, your heartbeat quieted to a low thrum in your ears instead of a pounding drum, and your muscles relaxed, allowing you to lie down flat against your mattress.

Your pillow was soaked through with tears and your head was thumping, like your brain was smashing a baseball bat to the inside of your skull. You breathed in, five long seconds, and breathed out, seven seconds more, before bathing in the quiet of your room.

Your phoned buzzed from the end of your bed, and you hesitantly picked your head up, sliding to sit and reach for it tentatively.

It was a text message.

From: donghyuckie :P

hey, saw chenle’s post. ice cream in 20? I’ll pick you up

You smiled, surprising yourself entirely, as if you weren’t just screaming your head off just five minutes ago. You were incredibly happy to have such a good friend in your life, immediately knowing what you needed when you needed it. You were quick to reply.

To: donghyuckie :P

sounds good, I’ll see you then :)

You smiled again, and didn’t stop the whole night, Donghyuck's presence always comforting and joyful.

You would be okay, you knew you would. All you had to do was just live your own life, forget about Chenle, and be happy...always with a smile.

#nct-writers #neowritingsnet #neothestars #nctcreations #nct: almost #chenle #zhong chenle #nct #nct dream #chenle angst #chenle scenarios #nct angst #nct dream angst #nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #idk how to tag shjsjs #chenle fanfic #??? #chenle x reader

[i-am-the-letterman]

Hello! Can I request (platonic) Dante x Brother!Depressed!Reader x Vergil? (No incest, only platonic). Reader is third twin and not into siblings rivalship, he’s always trying to help his brothers and being kind to everyone. How would Vergil and Dante react that they find out that their brother using antidepressants for years and he’s standing on thin ice to have mental break down?

Yes, yes, of course! I did some research on both depression itself as well as what it is exactly the antidepressants do so I'm hoping I got this accurately. You also did not specify what kind of depression reader deals with so I tried to keep it ambiguous.

I typed it out as hcs but it can be read more like a small fic. Reader has blue eyes to match his brother's but the rest of the appearance is up to you! There will be some swearing so you have been warned!

I uh- Have no idea how to do the cut on mobile so if these topics make anyone uncomfortable please just scroll really fast away from it!

I couldn't find any artwork at the moment so instead I'm using the picture of a figurine

{⚠︎TW⚠︎}

How Dante and Vergil would react to finding their brother's antidepressants.

☯︎ So first thing first, you were the third born Sparda child and the twin brother of Vergil and Dante Sparda.

☯︎ You aren't one for the more rivalling side of your brothers and tended to stray away from that. Instead you would help both of them in any way you could.

☯︎ With that emotional neglect and whatever traumas that may have come with assisting your brothers

☯︎ But you had the habit of neglecting you own needs as a person. Your brothers were so caught up in their own rivalry that they tended to forget that you were a person too.

☯︎ When you finally went to see a doctor after a few visits they finally decided to put you on the standard antidepressants.

☯︎ You would keep them hidden from both of your brothers, either behind something or in a bag. Anywhere you knew where they wouldn't look was where you would keep them

☯︎ At first you felt some of the side effects of the medication. Nausea, fatigue, and irritability. None of it was too bad but it was very off putting at first.

☯︎ It has been a few years since you've started taking the antidepressants and now the only noticable side effects that you had were, insomnia and fatigue and irritability. Sometimes you would also get jittery or shaky but that wasn't very common.

☯︎ Dante was oblivious to the whole ordeal, thinking that maybe you were just stressed from everything. It wasn't until Vergil pointed anything out for him to realize.

☯︎ Vergil caught on after a while that you weren't the same person you were before, but it wasn't until he and Dante accidentally stumbled upon one of your pill bottles that they knew what was really going on.

☯︎ In all honesty Dante felt like an idiot, and even Vergil felt bad. They had been forcing their rivalry onto you for so long, not caring about how you felt.

☯︎ Vergil was the first to confront you about it. Maybe not in the best way though...

☯︎ You were panicking, looking for you antidepressants, swearing that you had them hidden behind the bandages in the bathroom cabinet.

☯︎ Vergil would knock on the door, asking what was taking you so long, even though he knee full well what it was. It wasn't until you opened up the door and tried to shove past him to continue your search when he grabbed onto your arm.

☯︎ "Are you looking for these?" He'd ask holding the pill bottle in front of you. When you went to reach for them he pulled his arm back so you couldn't reach. "Not so fast, brother. How come you've hidden these from us? It's unlike you to be so secretive," His tone was his typical void of any emotion aside from bitterness tone. Staring you down with the same blue eyes as your own.

☯︎ "It didn't matter, there was no need to worry about it so I just kept them away from you" You responded trying to reach for them once more, your hands were visibly trembling and your voice was shaking as well just a bit.

☯︎ "What do you mean 'It didn't matter'? you are our brother, y/n. And while I might despise Dante, I do not despise you. You should not have been hiding anything from either of us" He'd go on to say, Dante coming down the hallway casually before noticing what was going on.

☯︎ The other twin grabbed onto your other arm, pulling you away from Vergil. "Hey, hey, the hell are you doing?"

☯︎ Dante released the arm he was holding, leading you to reach once more. "I said it didn't matter, Vergil. It will never matter, just give them back! Thing won't get better if you just keep them from me!" You would yell, finally getting a hold on the bottle. You were now trembling more, clutching the antidepressants close to your chest.

☯︎ "Calm down," Dante said as he reached out to touch your shoulder, only for you to jerk back into the wall.

☯︎ The pain from hitting the wall and the overall stress from the situation caught up to you as you slid down, bringing your knees to your chest.

☯︎ "Shit" Dante cursed, kneeling down, Vergil following a moment after. "You don't have to explain if you aren't comfortable with it. Don't listen to the bullshit Vergil says,"

☯︎ Vergil scoffed, glaring at Dante. "As if you have any better advice or solutions. We can't help unless we know the problem," "Yes we can, Verg-" "No, we cannot-"

☯︎ "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You guys are the problem! " You shouted once more, glaring up at your two brothers. Tears were starting to form and you began to wipe them away.

☯︎ "All you guys have done over the years is fight...I understand having a rivalry, but you take into no consideration how you're actions effect other people! For so long I've been giving up my life for the both fo you! I'm a person too! I have emotional needs and I have so many weaknesses!" At this point you had stopped trying to wipe the tears away.

☯︎ "I feel so selfish saying it too..." Your brothers stared at you for a few moments, making you shrink further into yourself.

☯︎ "We fucked up..." Dante mumbled, reaching out once more in a less abrupt way. He rubbed your shoulder a little bit before moving his hand back.

☯︎ "Listen I-" Vergil started before getting nudged by Dante "We apologise, we should have put you into consideration instead of using you as a tool. I promise you we will be more aware of your emotions from now on," Vergil said, repeating the actions of Dante and patting your other shoulder.

☯︎ "As much as I hate to say, Verg is right, we were the ones being selfish here and we royally fucked up. If you don't forgive us right now that's alright, we won't force you to. But hey, we can still work through this"

☯︎ You nodded as they both spoke, looking up at them both as you trued to wipe your tears once more. "I don't forgive either of you now... It'll take a while for me to... But I am willing to try and work things out little by little,"

Oh goodness, this is so bad- They are so ooc- I'm so sorry if this isn't quite what you wanted. I'm not very educated on the topic and even after researching I was having some trouble.

#dmc #dmc x reader #Vergil dmc #Dante dmc #Dante Sparda #Vergil Sparda #x male reader