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intoanothermind · 4 years

Text

Stand Tall - Reggie

Word Count: 7.8k

- Reggie x reader

Synopsis: your younger sister joins a band of ghosts, but she’s not the only one who can see them. You’ve seen them since you were a child.

Masterlist

Flying Solo - Reggie imagine

Akai Ito - Reggie imagine (soulmate au)

Bright - Luke imagine

—

I took a deep breath and smiled before leaving the taxi. A month with many projects and exams in college made me spend a lot of time away from my family. When that happened, I used to spend time with a friend who lived closer to campus. But now that I didn’t have to worry so much for a few more weeks until the next round of tests, I can finally take a breath and enjoy some family time between classes. I smiled discreetly at the elderly woman who was always across the street, watching her daughter. She flashed a huge smile back at me before disappearing.

“Papa?“ I asked out loud, opening the door.

I heard a noise coming from the kitchen and Dad appeared already coming towards me with a huge smile. “Mi hija! How was the tests? When will there be more?”

“Are you already trying to kick me out again?“ I laughed, accepting his tight hug. “Don’t worry, I have one more month before the final exams for the semester. Where are Carlos and Julie?”

"Carlos is still in school and Julie is rehearsing in the studio.”

My smile widened and a weight lifted from my chest. I was happy that Julie finally got back to connecting with the music after mom died. It wasn’t easy for any of us, but it was especially difficult for her. When Flynn told me on one of the last calls about Julie - two years younger than me - playing again and even joining a band, I was really happy. I could always count on my sister’s best friend to keep me informed in the smallest details.

“So is she really playing again? I will leave my things in my room and go and talk to her. ”

“No, no. Let me take your backpack, go and see your sister.”

“Gracias, papa.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek and went out again through the door to go around the house and get to the studio installed in the garage.

I heard music coming from inside, but I frowned when I heard several instruments and male voices mixed with my sister’s. The song was already over when I opened the door. Julie was talking to three boys that I had never seen in my life before. A tall, blond man had drumsticks in his hand and rolled them in the air. One with brown hair in a cap was talking to my sister with a twinkle in his eye. But the one who caught my attention the most was the pale, black-haired boy who was playing with a bass a little further away. Was that the band? I didn’t even know that Julie could talk to cute boys without stuttering.

“Am I interrupting something? I can come back later.”

The boys opened their eyes wide and looked at Julie as she turned to me a little scared and with a awkward smile on her lips.

“Y/N, hi! I didn’t know you were going to get home today! ”

I looked at her with a frown. She was acting stranger than usual.

"Yes, you did, Julie, I told you last week and called dad yesterday.”

She widened her eyes even more when she noticed my expression.

“Why don’t we go to your room then and you tell me how is college? Have you done many articles? Did you pass the exams?”

Julie walked past me and headed for the gate, ignoring the boys completely.

“Okay, this is getting weird. Jules, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?”

The blonde let the stick fall on his face, the cap choked and the cute guy let the bass out of tune when he let his fingers fall. All of them, including Julie, looked at me with wide eyes.

“Can she see us?" the boy in the cap asked when Julie returned to his side.

"Why wouldn’t I see you?" I looked into the eyes of the three of them and that’s when I noticed the aura around them, a little blurry, an aura that I learned to recognize after a few years. “Sure, Julie and the phantoms. You are ghosts ”

"That was quick." commented the cute bass player.

“First the band’s name makes it kinda obvious. Second, Jules wasn’t the first person in the family to talk to ghosts.”

"Y/N…” Julie looked at me with an emotion in her eyes that I couldn’t figure out. "Does that mean grandma was really at the house when we were younger?“

I smiled a little sadly. Our parents were always understandable and tried to help us with everything, but when I said I talked to grandma, even after a year after her death, they had to take me to therapy. After a while, I simply learned to lie to Dr. Turner and say that I no longer saw the dead, I just made imaginary friends.

“Yes, but I haven’t seen her in years. Ms. Elliot, however, is still in the garden across the street watching over her daughter.”

"This is so cool!" exclaimed the man in the cap, approaching.

“Another lifer seeing us? Yeah!" the blonde smiled, also approaching along with the bassist.

Julie took my arm before I could introduce myself. "Y/N… Mom…?”

The weight on my shoulders returned and I sighed before I smiled at her, holding her hand in mine.

“She stayed here just long enough to ask me to look after you, dad and Carlos and say that she loved us very much.”

For a second I thought Julie would let the tears fall, but then she took a deep breath and passed her hand under her eyes to compose herself.

“Thank you, Y/N.”

“You still need to introduce me to your cute friends. I thought you couldn’t talk to pretty boys without being ashamed.”

The bassist broke into a silly smile and patted the blonde on the shoulder. "She said that we are cute and pretty.“

"Reggie…” The blonde shook his head before turning to me. “Sorry about… him. I’m Alex and these are Reggie and Luke.”

~*~

The past few days have been… a little bit strange. Well, for starters my subjects, despite having relaxed a little, I still have work to do. And while I’m at home, it’s difficult to organize hours of study and free time with taking care of three teenage ghosts. Julie was right - watching three kids who seemed to share the same brain cell is harder than it looks.

“Aren’t you going to give yourself a break?”

I was startled to see dad behind me, almost knocking over the glass that was still in my hand.

“The plan was to come and drink water and take my five-minute break.”

Dad made a face. “Good luck in studies, mi hija, but don’t forget to take a few more breaks. We don’t want you to fry that smart mind, do we? ”

I broke into a faint smile when Dad placed a kiss on my forehead before walking away. I sighed, getting ready for a few more hours of reading before heading up the stairs again to my room. When I got there, however, I stopped at the portal and went in quickly to close the door.

“What are you doing here?" I asked in whispers to the ghosts that were scattered around my room.

Alex was sitting on a purple puff next to the desk where Luke was sitting in the chair that usually sits opposite her. He had his head thrown behind, looking bored. Reggie was lying on the left side of my bed, looking tired.

"Julie kicked us out of her room." explained Luke, getting up and heading for my bookcase.

"Please don’t kick us out either." Reggie said with puppy eyes that he knew I couldn’t resist.

"Luke, stop messing with Y/N’s stuff!" scolded Alex and that’s when I realized that Luke was looking through one of the books he picked up on the shelf.

"It’s alright. Feel free to borrow any book you like.” I assured him, going to sit on the right side of the bed, where most of my stuff was spread out. "And you can stay, just don’t make too much noise, I need to study.”

“What do you study?" asked Alex.

"How long have you been studying?" asked Reggie and I laughed.

"I’m in my first year of journalism.”

“Nice." said Luke, sitting back in his chair and concentrating on the book.

"Well, now I need to concentrate." I said, lifting Reggie’s head that was on top of one of the printed articles I needed to read. I put his head back on the pillow and fluffed some of his black hair, hoping it looked like just a casual movement.

"Wow, what did you just do?!" Alex exclaimed, sitting upright on the puff.

"What did I do?" I asked with wide eyes and a racing heart at the possibility that he noticed.

"You touched him!”

“You really did!" exclaimed Reggie, holding my hand again.

"Oh, that." I sighed, relieved. “I always managed to touch ghosts. That’s why it took me so long to discover that I was the only one who saw them. ”

Luke and Alex remained wide-eyed, but Reggie just lay down again and put my hand back in his hair.

"I liked.”

While I fiddled with Reggie’s black hair with one hand, I used the other to lift the text up to my face to hide my red cheeks from the other boys. Gradually I ended up distracting myself, fiddling with Reggie’s hair as I read the text and made markings and notes. When my eyes started to weigh and my vision was blurred even with the glasses, I decided it was time to sleep. It wouldn’t do any good to try to study tired because my brain wouldn’t absorb it. I looked around when I realized that the boys had been silent for far too long. They were all asleep. Alex was huddled on the puff, Luke was hunched over the open book and Reggie’s head was bent toward my hand.

I smiled. They really looked adorable that way. I set my stuff down on the night-stand and stood up carefully so as not to wake Reggie. I lifted his head slightly to put a pillow under it. I took blankets from the closet and covered all three, remembering to take the book out from under Luke and marking the page he stopped with a piece of paper and left it beside him. I left the room trying to make as little noise as possible. I crossed the hall and sighed with relief when I saw that Julie was still awake.

“Hi sis." I whispered, getting her attention.

Julie looked up from her cell phone and smiled at me. She looked ready to go to sleep.

"Y/N!”

I broke into a smile. "Can I sleep here with you today?“

"Usually I’m the one to go to your room to ask for it." she laughed.

"Well, turns out that today my room is infested with ghosts.”

She snorted. "They are getting too loose.“

"I don’t really care." I said, shrugging my shoulders. "I wouldn’t have minded sleeping there as well, but Reg took up much of the space in the bed and it would be weird.”

Julie giggled and looked at me with a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

“Shut up!" I said warningly before she could say anything. "I don’t want to hear a comment about that.”

“Okay, okay." she raised her hands in surrender before moving to one side of the bed and lifting the bedspread inviting me to join her.

As soon as we settled down I watched my younger sister’s serene face.

"I’m glad you met them." I said quietly. "They do you good.”

“They do." she sighed. “And I’m glad you met them, too. They seem to like you. ”

I like them too." I said smiling slightly. “Although I don’t play like you do, I like to know that I also made friends with them. I also like to think that they will be here to take care of you when dad or I aren’t around. ”

"But I will always need my older sister around." she said quickly. "Besides, you made a promise to mom.”

I laughed lightly.

“That I did it and I intend to keep it, Jules.”

I approached her and hugged her. We sleep in that same position.

~*~

I arrived at the band’s presentation site with Julie and went straight to meet Flynn. She looked anxious.

“Am I too late?” Asked Julie, taking the backpack off her back.

“Too early.” Replied Flynn. "Hi, Y/N.”

“Hi, Flynn! Glad we got there early. Distracting tía y Carlos while Julie went down the window was not as easy as it seems.” I commented, laughing to remember how I needed to distract our brother with a little ghost story.

The next performance was announced and the audience applauded as we watched Carrie take the stage in a shiny silver outfit and pink wig. I opened my eyes wide, trying to keep my face from turning into a frown.

“I never thought she was going to take this little group forward." I commented.

"I envy that you finished school before you had to see this." replied Flynn, tossing the braids over his shoulder.

“Hope you all came to have a great time.” Carrie said from the stage and put on reflective glasses, also pink.

“Dirty Candy? How’d she get on the list?” asked Julie.

“Her daddy probably made a call.” replied Flynn, pursing his lips. "I like this! Pretty flower.” she pointed to the vest that Julie wore and I realized I recognized it.

"Thanks. It’s dahlia. My mom’s favourite.”

Carrie started to sing and four other girls also came on stage. I raised my eyebrows, wondering how I got to a Barbie pop show. I felt the air stirring around me and noticed that Luke and Reggie appeared on one side and Alex on the other, all paying attention to Carrie. Alex, however, looked a little uneasy and I held back the smile when I realized why.

“Alex." I whispered, trying not to get too much attention from the people around me. "Go on, I know you want to.”

I didn’t even got an answer. He just disappeared from my side and appeared on stage among the girls. Julie looked at us behind her and Reggie shrugged while I just smiled. Alex looked confused for two seconds before he started dancing behind Carrie. In the chorus, he disappeared from the stage and appeared again beside me, slamming his fist on mine discreetly in greeting.

“You having fun out there?” asked Julie

Alex coughed a little, trying to hide it. "It’s not my fault. It’s my, hm… It’s my feet.”

“Yeah." Julie replied, raising her eyebrow. Reggie and Luke, on my other side, just looked at Alex smiling.

“Put me back in, coach.”He said before disappearing to the stage again.

“Oh, it’s the guys.” Julie explained to Flynn when she turned to us, confused.

"Alex is dancing with the girls and is so much better than Carrie." I detailed it a little more, making her laugh when imagining the scene. "My boy is rocking up there." I commented with a bit of drama, laying my head on Reggie’s shoulder without caring about people watching me interact with the air. "I so wish I could have that on video.”

“You look like a mom." commented Reggie, laughing.

"What can I say, the three of you just make me so proud." I joked, wiping my eyes as if I were drying a tear. But Reggie looked at me with a strange twinkle in his eye, but before I could ask anything, the song ended and we turned to the stage in time to see Alex doing a little jumping around saying something about blushing.

He came up beside me again, trying to hide it. “Hey. I was just… I was just doing that for you guys.”

I patted him on the shoulder in support while Reggie said, playfully. “Yeah, you can stop smiling now.“

“I’m not gonna lie. That was… kind of good.” Julie said and I clicked my tongue.

"Wow, Jules, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one in the band." I ignored the boys’ protests on hearing this. “The good part of the presentation nobody else could see, unfortunately.”

“Yeah. I forgot why I hate her so much.” replied Flynn.

Carrie and the other girls got off the stage and came towards us.

"Hi, girls. Um, isn’t it past your bedtime?”She said to my sister and her friend.

“Now I remember.”

“If you’re looking for Nick, he didn’t come.”Carrie continued on to Julie, who simply stepped forward confidently.

“That’s not why I’m here.“

As if waiting for a cue, the presenter introduced the band. But as Julie and the Fat Ones. I couldn’t help laughing at the face Luke made.

"Really?” asked Alex, with a grimace.

"Yeah, man. My handwriting sucks.” Luke tried to apologize.

"Next time, Alex will sign up." I said, trying to look casual.

Julie passed Carrie’s group straight to the stage. The expression on Carrie’s face was priceless when she walked away from us. Flynn left shortly after to turn on the projector - just for the sake of effect. Julie sat down in front of the keyboard and said the correct name for the band.

"Good luck, boys." I said, holding Reggie’s hand quickly and discreetly before going after Flynn.

The lighting focused on Julie and I felt my heart fill with pride. It was the first time I had seen my sister perform after mom died and I knew it was worth the punishment dad would give me if he found out that I helped her escape from home. When she started to sing, I accompanied the music by whispering softly through my teeth. After watching the rehearsals so much, Finally Free's lyrics stuck to my mind and as the notes went up I felt the music reverberating in my body. When the boys appeared on stage playing and people in the audience stood up, I felt like jumping for joy.

It was great to see people enjoying their work. It didn’t matter if they think they’re holograms - they’ve got a second chance to do what they love and to see them there at ease and full of energy is comforting. All four played with their soul and their stage chemistry was incredible. Especially from Julie and Luke. I didn’t need that Flynn me whispering over there they’re into to each other - the intensity of the look when sharing the microphone was obvious. Alex and Reggie also noticed the exchange of looks they had. What really shocked me, however, was when shortly after Reggie turned to me and winked at me. I choked on the lyrics I whispered to accompany Julie and did my best to keep my cheek from blushing. Flynn obviously noticed and laughed at me. The song ended, the boys disappeared again and the audience gasped.

“Thank you, we are Julie and the Phantoms. Tell your friends.”Julie said goodbye and got off the stage. I couldn’t help laughing when I noticed how she took Reggie’s phrase.

"Let’s meet them at the counter." I called Flynn, who quickly put the projector in his backpack and followed me.

Julie came to find us and quickly hugged Flynn.

“You were incredible!”Flynn said.

I soon hugged Julie too.

“Yeah, we were.”I heard Reggie behind me and turned to see him standing next to Alex and Luke, who were sitting at the counter.

"If it weren’t weird, I would give you a hug now." I said to them, trying to look discreet. "I loved the presentation!”

“I’ll charge you for my hug later." said Alex, making the boys laugh.

"Okay." I assured you.

"Hey!" interrupted Luke, pointing to someone behind us. “Whoever Carrie was trying to impress is coming this way.”

“She looks all business.”Commented Alex when we saw a woman with curly hair and a suit coming towards us.

“Wait, who should do the talking?” asked Reggie.

So cute, but also so dork.

“Okay, Julie. Julie.” he corrected himself.

“You got this.” Encouraged Luke.

"I can help you with it if needed." I whispered to Julie just before the woman arrived and offered Julie a hand.

"Hi, I’m Andi Parker, and I would- ”

“Julie. Y/N. ” a voice behind the woman took our attention.

It was dad.

“Shit." I swore under my breath.

~*~

Whenever I had some free time I went down to the garage to watch the band rehearsal. It was amazing the connection they had and how they gave their soul to the music. Julie and Luke singing together with everything they had, Reggie focused on his bass and Alex moving his head to the beat of his drums. It was an incredible sight, but also one that always squeezed my heart to the point that I needed to go back to my room before they finished a song to prevent the lump in my throat from dissolving into tears. I always wanted to have that connection that mom and Julie had with music, but I was never able to play anything and I certainly didn’t know how to sing. And now not only has she reconnected with mom in a way that I could never do, but she has also found something in common with three amazing boys.

At those times, when the tightness in my heart was too strong, I would lock myself in the bedroom, in the most absolute silence. I took out my notebook with notes. When I was younger, I used to try to at least compose a song, but after a while it became notes for a story. Music and books have always been my passions and if I couldn’t go on with one, why not try the other? Not that I would ever get the courage to publish something, but I liked to imagine that I would have some material for that.

"What are you doing?”

I let out a scream that certainly didn’t make me proud. I turned and realized that Reggie had appeared beside me on the bed - completely thrown on the mattress and with his arms behind his head. I tried to control my heart a little to respond.

“I thought you had a rehearsal.”

“I thought you were there watching us. When we took a break and didn’t see you there, I came to see how you were.” he shrugged, as if it was nothing much. "What are you doing?“

"Just a few thrown ideas." I replied, trying to sneak up on the notebook, but Reggie took it out of my hands before I could do it.

"This is for a book, isn’t it?" he asked, in a serious tone that I never saw him using. I just nodded. “Y/N, this is incredible! It makes me want to read. ”

I laughed softly, before asking. "Are you serious?”

“Yes! Why don’t you try to publish something? ”

I scratched the back of the neck, a little uncomfortable. "Well, I never thought I was going to be talented at anything.”

“How so?" he sat up, tilting his head so that I could look into his blue eyes. I was breathless for a moment.

“I really wanted to know how to make music, but when I realized I couldn’t do it, I tried to create stories where I could. But I never even thought it would be worth publishing. ”

“I think you should try. I would definitely read it. ” he said, opening a beautiful crooked smile. "Why do you do journalism when you could try to be a writer?”

“Because while I don’t have neither the material nor the courage, I can write other people’s real stories." I replied, taking my notebook back from his hands. I turned around to put the notebook and pen in my hand back on the night-stand. "What do you think about watching a movie?" I suggested .

"Yes! There are a lot of things that I still need to catch up to.” Reggie commented, lying back on the bed and making himself comfortable.

I tried not to blush as I got up to get my laptop. “We can see the Star Wars movies that you haven’t seen. We can skip the scene where Han Solo dies, no problem, I’ve seen them a couple times.”

"Would you do that for me?" he had a childlike gleam in his eye that made me laugh a little.

"Move over.”

We settled next to each other on the bed. I put the first movie on the laptop in my lap and we started the marathon. I barely noticed when I fell asleep on Reggie’s shoulder.

~*~

A few days later I was lying on the couch trying to complete a story that I had to deliver in two days. Reggie was sitting next to my dad at the table in the other room and none of them seemed to have noticed me there in the next room. I even thought about getting up to concentrate on the room, but I loved how Reggie tried to interact with dad. It was funny - and very cute. Alex came up and started talking to Reggie too. But when I heard Carlos’ voice, things became really interesting. I remained lying down, but I paid more attention to the conversation when Carlos commented about the house being haunted by ghosts who had a dream, but that dream was interrupted by a tragic accident.

“Our house is being haunted by a very talented… chef. ”I could hear the boys’ sigh of relief, but I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing.

“Looks like someone fell asleep watching Ghosts Hunters and Chopped.“

I had to hold my laughter even more when Carlos started talking about a sauce recipe and Reggie commenting that he was like my dad. I made a face at the thought that I liked a guy who said he looked like my dad. It wasn’t very difficult for my little brother to convince dad to make the French dip - it’s not like he doesn’t like food.

I lifted my head and realized that Dad closed his laptop and left. I prepared to do the same when I heard Alex and Reggie’s conversation.

"I will miss them.”

“I hope you’re not thinking about looking for someone else’s garage." I joked, but feeling tight in my chest.

They both started, looking at me wide-eyed as I approached the table.

"Y/N… hey…” Reggie tried to hide it, but I could see in their eyes that something was bothering them.

But I knew they weren’t going to tell me, so I needed to find out another way. I would have to do an investigation. I’m glad I had some sources between the ghosts.

“Well, I need to go out for an interview with a source." It wasn’t quite a lie. "Don’t do anything stupid, boys.”

I squeezed Alex’s shoulder lightly and leaned down to kiss Reggie’s cheek before leaving. I left the house so quickly that I didn’t have to worry about hiding my burning cheeks. I also didn’t notice their reaction. I was on a mission to find my favourite skater.

~*~

When I returned home, I could almost feel the tears stubbornly leaving. But I swallowed the tears, because I needed to talk to Julie about what to do. I wasn’t even sure if she already knew about the boys’ situation or not, but we couldn’t leave them suffering like that. I couldn’t leave them suffering that way. I looked for it in the garage first. If my sister wasn’t there, at least I would have a chance to talk to them.

“Someone once told me that you don’t ask for permission. You book gigs by doing.”Julie was saying when I showed up at the half-open gate.

The boys were lying on the couch and on the floor, looking depressed, while Julie was standing in front of them, as if giving a lecture. Alex had the drumsticks in his hands and Reggie was hugging his bass.

“That was me.”Reggie said with a little smile on his face.

“No, it wasn’t.” denied Julie and Luke.

“Yes, it was.” Reggie grunted, looking down.

"This isn’t over.” continued Julie, ignoring him. “We were brought together for a reason. To help each other.”

“Yeah, but like Luke said… People don’t just play at the Orpheum because they want to.”Said Alex.

“People don’t.” I said, drawing their attention. “But ghosts do.“

Julie turned a little scared to me. From the look she gave me, I think my expression showed all the sadness I was feeling.

"All you need is to haunt them in a different way." I suggested, taking a deep breath to control my emotions. “In a few days Panic! At The Disco will play with a not very famous band that will arrive here almost at the last minute because they will be doing a show in Las Vegas. You just need to make sure that they don’t arrive on time and that you’re the best option.”

For a few seconds they were processing this and I used it as my cue to get out of there before they saw my tears pooling in my eyes. I couldn’t afford to be selfish. They needed to make the move before the only option left for them is to join Caleb. I heard Reggie’s voice calling me, but I ignored him and continued on my way to the house. But even before I crossed the space between the gate and the stone path to the smaller gate, I felt a hand pulling on my wrist.

"Y/N…” Reggie said quietly looking at me with those blue eyes full of emotion. “I don’t like it when you cry. I’m sorry.“

I laughed softly. I hadn’t realized that some tears had came out.

"No need to apologize. I understand that you need to do this. It’s just…” I took a deep breath, trying not to choke. “It hurts to think that I will have to lose someone else. Especially someone who has become so important to me. I mean, the three of you have become very important to me.”

"You have become very important to us too." Reggie said, still holding my hand. “You have become important to me. I’ll miss you.”

I didn’t think before throwing my arms around his shoulders and hugging him tightly against me. He tensed for a few moments before hugging my waist with the same intensity. And we stayed there, saying nothing, just enjoying what could be our last hug.

“Reggie, we have to think of a plan!" we heard Luke shouting from the garage and Alex scolding him saying something about giving up a little space.

I took a deep breath before letting go of his comforting embrace. I placed a kiss on her pale cheek, this time longer than the one from earlier.

"Go. They need you.”

Reggie opened his mouth to say something, but I quickly turned and went home with tears streaming down my cheeks.

~*~

I was quite nervous as we waited to find out if the plan had worked. But while I just waited sitting on the sofa in the garage, with the occasional twitch in my leg, Julie was in front of me pacing and making my nerves worse.

"Julie, I love you, but stop walking before I need to tie you to the couch!" I exclaimed.

"Sorry, I’m nervous." she said, continuing to pace.

"I know! And it’s making me nervous!”

The boys suddenly appeared in front of us and Julie went into an outbreak, asking so many questions at once that I almost couldn’t keep up.

“That’s a lot of questions!” exclaimed Reggie, interrupting her. “Luke, do you wanna take this one?”

“Take a seat.” instructed Luke.

“Finally." I mumbled, pulling Julie by the arm to sit next to me.

“It’s fine, everything is fine.” continued Luke, approaching the low table in front of us and leaning on it with the other boys.

“Yeah. You should be getting a call right .. now!” said Alex, taking an effect break and pointing the boys at Julie’s cell phone on the table. But the screen remained off. After a few uncomfortable seconds, with me trying to keep from laughing at Alex’s disappointed face, he tried again. “Okay. Right… Now!”

The phone finally rang and Julie screamed.

“Nailed it.” said Alex, holding out his hand for Luke and Reggie to touch.

But Julie didn’t answer. "Answer it, Jules!" I shouted along with the boys.

She put it on speaker.

“Hi, this is Tasha from the Orpheum in Hollywood.”

That’s when one of the best scenes I’ve ever seen started. Julie jumped on the couch, almost stepping on me, while Alex jumped across the table towards the armchair and Reggie and Luke celebrated with a strange dance. Julie opened her arms when the woman spoke again and everyone stopped like statues watching her pick up her cell phone. And while Julie jumped on the table to answer Tasha, Alex jumped into the arms of the boys, who held him in the air.

“I’m swimming!” exclaimed Alex, waving his arms, and that’s when I let out a loud laugh.

The boys put Alex on the floor and Reggie came over to me. I looked at her confused, until he took my hands and pulled me until I was on my feet. A second later, I was in his tight embrace. He even got up and spun me around. I just prayed that he couldn’t hear my heartbeat. When my feet returned to the ground, I noticed that Alex and Luke were watching us. I motioned for them to join us and joined them in a group hug.

“I missed hugs." Alex commented when we parted.

"Own, you can always ask me for hugs, you big baby." I said, hugging him tight again. He hugged me with the same intensity.

I noticed, over Alex’s shoulder, Julie looking at us with a smile on her face. I smiled at her when I pulled myself out of Alex’s arms and went over to her, squeezing her in a hug too.

"I’m so proud of you, Jules." I whispered softly in his ear.

Her only answer was to tighten me more in her embrace.

~*~

I stayed with Julie in the dressing room the entire time. We were both nervous, but we managed to calm down a little when Flynn arrived after preparing some effects on the projector. But nothing came out of my head that the boys could be in trouble to take so long to show up.

"Y/N, you’re starting to make me nervous, too." said Flynn, and only then did I realize I was pacing up and down in front of the couch, just like Julie had done that morning.

"Sorry, it’s just…” I tried to explain, forcing myself to sit on the couch and stay still.

“We understand." said Flynn, holding my hand.

"I just wish that today wasn’t their last night here." I sighed, propping myself up and elbows on my knees and letting all the weight fall on my shoulders.

"Y/N." Julie called me and waited for me to look her in the eye before continuing. "You like Reggie, don’t you?”

I gave a sad smile and nodded, unable to find my voice.

“Called it!" exclaimed Flynn, pointing at me and making us laugh a little. "The Molina family seems to have a thing for ghosts, it’s impressive.”

Julie rolled her eyes, but ignored it. "You should talk to him before they cross over.“

"And are you going to talk to Luke about your feelings?" Flynn muttered and I pointed out to her nodding in agreement.

"I wanted to talk to Reggie about it, so as not to carry that regret the rest of my life, but… I’m afraid of the reaction.”

“He likes you.”

“Totally." agreed Flynn.

I sighed. "I need him to have a little more time then so that I can say something.”

Julie opened her eyes wide and got up from the couch to take my place walking back and forth.

“Now you broke your sister.”

We heard a knock on the door and the technician called Julie, saying it was time for her to enter the stage.

But the boys had not yet appeared.

“Just a second.”Julie shouted at the door and approached us. "Something’s wrong. The boys were getting those jolts pretty bad as I was leaving. And they wouldn’t stand me up again.”

I sniffed, following her thought. I felt paralysed.

“They must have run out of time.“

“I’m so sorry, Jules.” murmured Flynn.

“They didn’t cross over.”Continued Julie, but I felt like everything around me was fading. "They’re gone. And I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

I couldn’t help a sob that escaped my lips. I saw Flynn getting up and hugging Julie, but then the technician shouted at her again and the two of them ran out the door. However, I couldn’t do anything, just stand there, paralysed. My thoughts hammered in my mind, but I could only think that those three boys were gone forever without having the opportunity to make the passage. Those goofs that won me and my sister over and made a huge difference in our lives. And we would never see him again.

“Y/N. Y/N! ” it took me a while to notice Flynn shaking my shoulders. I had to blink a few times to see her through tears. "Julie ran to the alley behind Orpheum, you need to talk to her.“

"I… I…” I took a deep breath. Even though I wanted to just break up there, I couldn’t. My sister needed me. "Okay, okay.“

I got up and followed Flynn’s instructions as to where Julie had run. I opened the side doors and found her crying in the middle of the alley with a flower in her hand. A dahlia. Mom’s favourite.

"Jules." I whispered as I approached. She stood up for me, a little scared, but a second later she threw herself into my arms and hugged me tightly, as if only that hug kept her from collapsing. I held her even tighter against me. “Breathe, sweetie. Julie, I think you should sing.”

She released me a little and looked at me confused. I dried her tears a little - mine - before speaking.

“It would be a beautiful tribute to mom and boys. They lived, died and continued the life of ghosts through music. They would like that. That’s what I would do if I had your talent.”

“Thank you, Y/N. Really." said Julie, smiling a little before hugging again and entering.

But I didn’t go straight in. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down so that I was emotional enough to hear her singing without the boys. When I went in again and joined Flynn next to the coach near the stage, Julie finished a speech and sat down in front of the keyboard to begin. I already felt my heart squeeze again when she started the first chords. The song approached the first chorus and I took a deep breath, murmuring the words between my lips. It was when Alex’s drums came up that I felt my heart stop. A few seconds later Reggie appeared in a red and black suit playing his bass. I felt a sob tear through my throat and put my hand over my mouth. I felt Flynn holding my free hand and hugging me to the side, as if she knew I needed that support to keep me standing.

Luke started to appear, but he was fading and coming back. I opened my eyes wide, worried, but then he came back singing and he didn’t disappear again and I could only smile and cry, excited. Alex sang a few lines and Reggie followed shortly after. I didn’t take my eyes off him, absorbing him as much as I could before he disappeared again. Our eyes met and he winked at me, opening his smile wider and I smiled back. It didn’t matter if I didn’t have time to tell him everything I needed. He was there, on that stage, together with his friends, his family, fulfilling the dream that he cannot fulfil while he was alive. My heart broke when they finished playing and the boys were gone, but the shadow of a smile remained on my lips knowing that they crossed and could rest in peace.

~*~

Dad, Carlos and Julie were walking home in front of me. They sang the chorus of Stand Tall excitedly, but as much as I wanted to participate in that moment with them, I couldn’t. I wasn’t as strong as Julie and she realized that I wasn’t well, as she always pulled dad’s attention back to them when he tried to get me to join them.

“You and your phantoms were unbelievable tonight.”Dad said when we stopped on the porch.

"I’m going up to my room, I have a headache." I made some excuse when I passed them. However, I made sure to stop in front of Julie and hug her tight. “You were incredible, Jules. I’m so proud.”

“What is it with her?" I could hear Carlos asking as I opened the door.

"Leave her be, Carlos." I hear Julie responding in a light tone of voice as I enter and leave them outside still. "She had a rough day.”

I locked myself in my room and quickly changed my clothes for a sweatshirt set before throwing myself on the bed. I stared at the ceiling, trying to keep the tears that continued to fall, but it seemed impossible. Now that I was alone, it felt like a whirlwind of emotions was falling upon me. I don’t know how much time I spent in that catatonic state before I heard a noise inside the room. It was the same noise as when the boys teleported. I sat up quickly, looking around hopefully. My heart almost stopped when I saw Reggie still in his red suit shyly approaching the bed.

“Reg?" my voice failed, as did my line of reasoning.

I was dreaming. There was no other explanation.

"Hi, Y/N." he waved his hand in that cute way that only he knew how to do. But I was still paralysed, looking at him with wide eyes. He started to speak nervously. “Well, it seems that playing at the Orpheum wasn’t our unfinished business, so the boys and I disappeared into the garage to let you and Julie think we had crossed over, but then she went into the garage and tried to get us to Caleb’s club. But of course we weren’t going, so she managed to hug Luke, he started to shine, we started to shine when we hugged them too and Julie said that you were here alone and practically-”

I hardly understood a word he said. But it helped my brain to understand that it wasn’t just my imagination. I interrupted him before I could finish speaking. I just jumped out of bed, took his face in my hands and kissed him. It was as if all the weight in the world came off my shoulders and I could melt right there. I didn’t care that he was a ghost, I didn’t care that Caleb could go after them, I didn’t care that they would one day have to find out what their unfinished business was and needed to cross over to the other side and I cared even less that my tears were mixed with his. All I cared about at that moment was the feel of his lips against mine and his arms around my waist pulling me closer to him.

I just leaned away when I needed air.

"That was nice." he commented in a thin, choked voice. I realized that he still had his eyes closed and I smiled at the expression he had on his face. "Can we do this again?”

I laughed softly before pulling him back in for another kiss. I was lost in his smell, his taste and his touch. I hardly noticed the teleportation noise in the room again.

“Y/N, we came here to… Wow!”

Reggie and I walked away again and saw Alex and Luke near my closet, both blushing and embarrassed.

“Really, guys?" Reggie asked, not only keeping his arms around my waist but pulling me even closer. "Right now?”

“We came to see how you were doing, but you look busy." said Luke, scratching the back of his neck. I was struggling to keep myself from laughing.

"We’ll be back later." said Alex simply, taking Luke’s arm and making them both disappear quickly.

I looked back at Reggie, who was already looking at me with a silly smile on his face.

"Where were we?" I asked with a mischievous smile on my lips as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and played with a few strands of his hair.

"I think you can remind me." he said, leaning over and kissing me again.

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yes-i-am-happyaspie · 4 years

Text

Happy Father’s Day, Mr. Stark

Happy Father’s Day, Mr. Stark- happyaspie

Warnings: None Rated: G Word count: 2182

Tags: Peter Parker &Tony Stark, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker’s Parental Figure, Father’s Dad, Nervous Peter Parker, Fluff ... ...

Part 53 of the Tony Stark is a Good Mentor series

There was only one thing on Peter's mind as he lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling instead of sleeping and that was Father's Day. Which seemed like an odd thing for him to be thinking about considering that technically, he didn't actually have a father or even his uncle to celebrate with anymore. He huffed, readjusted his blankets, and checked the time on his phone. Then he glanced over at the small package that sitting on his bedside table and sighed. Just looking at it caused a wave of anxiety to race up his spine and settle deeply in his chest. Part of him wanted to take the gift and knock it into the partially open drawer so that it was no longer visible but he knew that, in this case, 'out of sight, out of mind', wasn't going to work.

It had all started a couple of weeks prior when he'd mentioned that he planned to spend the weekend with Tony to his Aunt May. She had confirmed that she was okay with it and then made an off-handed comment about how she had never in a million years ever imagined that she would one day be co-parenting with Tony Stark. He'd laughed it off at the time but the more time he'd spent contemplating it, the more he'd realized she was sort of right. The two of them did go out of their way to discuss him on a regular basis and not just the spider-man stuff. May had a tendency to brag about how well he was doing in school and Tony would reciprocate by talking about how quickly he'd learned this or that in the lab with him. Though he'd never really considered it as, 'co-parenting' because that would insinuate that Tony acted parental with him, which he didn't think was the case.

That is until he'd taken the time to think about it. There was no denying that Tony cared about him. He'd not really shown it at first, but the man had become much more affectionate in his own sort of way. He'd often ruffle his hair, ask him about his day and occasionally give him a friendly pat to the shoulder or firm side-hug. Peter supposed you could call those kinds of things parental, especially when you took into account the amount of time Tony actually spent with him. What had started as sporadic lab or training days had become full weekends, often filled with completely non-hero related activities. Watching late-night movies while throwing popcorn into each other mouths was a fairly regular event.

However, the biggest consideration was that he literally spent entire weekends in his mentor's home, in the room that had been his from the moment he'd stepped into it. Before he stepped into it, really. Tony had gone all out. The walls had been painted red and blue, and numerous Lego kits and science books had been purchased to line the custom bookshelves. He'd been so enamored by it all that, at the time, he'd never really weighed the sentiment behind the gesture until then. Tony Stark enjoyed his company so much he's given him a room in his own home and an open invitation for him to stay in it whenever he wanted along with it. That in its self should have been telling. He didn't know how he'd not thought of that before.

As Peter continued to connect all of the dots he came to the conclusion that Tony had become so much more than a mentor. He'd irrefutably become the man in his life. That was something he didn't think he'd ever have again after the loss of his father and subsequently his uncle, which is probably why he'd not really seen his and Tony's growing relationship for what it was until it had been pointed out to him.

It had taken several days after that for Peter to self-debate about what he wanted to do with that realization. Ultimately, he determined that he very much wanted to tell Tony exactly how important he was to him. May had suggested that he sit the man down and talk to him about it. He'd nodded his head and for some reason, he'd decided that Father's Day would the best time to have that conversation.

That had led him to where he was at the moment. Lying in his bed, in his room, in Tony's penthouse, trying to convince himself that he hadn't made a huge mistake. To have been so excited about his plan, he was suddenly and increasingly anxious about actually going through with it. As such, he ended up falling asleep with a head full of 'what ifs.'

Peter ended up sleeping in the next morning, not waking until FRIDAY was calling him down to whatever breakfast him mentor had thrown together for him. With a deep sigh, he got up and ready for the day before picking the package up off of his bedside table. Rather than darting out the door once it was in his hand, he paused. The plan had been to give it to Tony that morning but he was suddenly having second thoughts. He stood there wavering until the AI was reminding him that Tony was still waiting for him in the kitchen and then put it back on the table. There was no rush. He was going to be with the man all day.

Breakfast was consumed at the kitchen table and then, as always, Tony suggested that they return to the lab. Before they started towards the elevator, Peter's thoughts drifted to the gift in his bedroom but he shook his head at the thought. He wasn't ready and there would be plenty of time later. He wasn't meant to leave until evening, just in time to make it home to eat dinner with his aunt. That gave him hours to find just the right moment.

As it tended to do, the time in the lab swallowed the day as if it were nothing. Sketches were made into models, models were made into prototypes, and prototypes were put through test after test as the hours ticked by. Neither Peter nor Tony paused for much. Even lunch was eaten without ever having to leave the lab. The deli down the street delivered and that was good enough for them.

Evening approached without due warning and before Peter knew it, FRIDAY was announcing that it was time for him to start getting ready to go home. It was then that his mind, once again, jolted back to the neatly wrapped present that he'd still not given to his mentor.

Because his room in the penthouse was stocked with everything he could possibly need, there was no real reason for him to return to his room before he left. He had to make up an excuse to go back up and was actually slightly surprised that Tony didn't call him out on the small mistruth. Typically the man could tell if he was lying, even if it was only by omission.

After being prompted to 'hurry it up' he ran full speed towards the elevator, down the hall and back into his room. Then he just stood there chewing his lip. He was out of time. He had no choice, he had to give it to him before he left. Yet, he couldn't seem to bring himself to actually carry it back down to the lab where the man was waiting for him.

After very little debate, Peter ended up leaving the gift right in the middle of the breakfast bar that divided the kitchen from the living space. After which, he ran back into his room and scrawled out a message onto a sheet of graphing paper, folded it in thirds, and set it under the package before hurrying back to the elevator.

"Find whatever you were looking for?" Tony asked when he reentered the lab. Peter nodded and soon the two of them were getting into one of Tony's expensive sports cars so that the man could drive him home.

__________

When Tony got back from dropping Peter off he went straight back to the lab where he continued to work well into the evening. It wasn't until he found himself having to retype every other word in his coding that he decided it was time to call it a night. He closed up the shop with a wave of his hand and casually wandered back towards the penthouse, noting, as he always did once the kid had gone home, that it was extremely quiet.

Before retiring to his bedroom, Tony decided that he may as well eat something and strode into the dimly lit kitchen area before asking FRIDAY to turn on the lights, squinting at the sudden brightness. He had to blink several times in order to get his vision to clear. Once it had, he spotted something on the counter and cocked his head to the side in curiosity.

At first, he'd thought that Peter had left something there but once he was close enough to see the package, he realized that 'Mr. Stark' had been messily written across an unevenly folded paper beneath it. More curious than ever, he slowly opened up the note.

'Mr. Stark,

I know that you're not really my dad or anything but I wanted you to know that I think you're awesome and I care about you a lot. I've been wanting to tell you that and today seemed like a good day to do it. I hope your gift.

Happy Father's Day,

Peter Parker'

At first, all Tony could do was stare at the words on the page. Particularly the ones at the bottom. Peter had bought him a Father's Day gift and that made him feel oddly proud. He knew there were definitely times when he saw the kid as something of a son. Especially when they were just lounging around in their pajamas and binging whatever show the teenager was currently into. It was comfortable and he looked forward to those moments more than anything.

Just thinking about it brought a smile to his face and he ended up reading over the massage three times before finally set it down in favor of seeing what was inside the paper. He had absolutely no idea what the kid would have bought him but he was eager to find out. The box was square and small enough to sit on his palm. It didn't weigh much and there was no sound when it was shaken. With a shrug of his shoulders, he started to pick at the corner of the wrapping, revealing a white box. He opened it up without hesitation had chuckled to himself when he realized it was a coffee mug. As he turned it over in his hands his eyes fell on the custom words that had been printed across the side. 'Iron Dad.'

Now, outright, laughing, Tony held the mug up with one hand and ran his fingers of the words with the other. He was suddenly struck by a strong desire to pull the kid into a full-on hug but seeing as the kid was already at home, hopefully sleeping, given the hour, he settled for sending a quick text. 'Thanks, kid. Come by tomorrow after school,' he typed out and was unsurprised when he received no answer. It was nearing one in the morning.

__________

Peter woke up the next morning to find the missed message on his phone and smiled. He'd laid in his bed, constantly checking his phone for any sort of acknowledgment until he'd finally fallen asleep around midnight. Waking up to find the simple text was more than enough to ease his mind and he was already looking forward to seeing Tony later that afternoon.

The school day went by agonizingly slowly as he waited for the last bell to ring. However, as soon as it did, he was out the door in an instant. It didn't take him long to get to the tower and he was soon stepping into the elevator. "Where's Mr. Stark?" he asked after FRIDAY had greeted him and was happy to find out that the man was in the penthouse waiting for him.

"Hey, kiddo!" Tony said the second the elevator doors opened and then crossed the room to pull Peter into a tight hug. "Needless to say, I got your gift," he whispered before relinquishing his hold and went to retrieve the coffee-filled mug.

"I'm glad you like it," Peter said, as he wandered towards the kitchen where the man was leaning up against the counters.

Tony reached up with the hand that wasn't holding onto his new favorite mug to ruffle the boy's hair, as he often did, and chuckled. "Like it? Kid, it came from you. I love absolutely everything about it."

Blushing ever so slightly at the implications of those words, Peter leaned back in to hug the man one more time. "I love you too."

To see the commissioned artwork that inspired this fic go check it out on AO3... while you’re there, drop me a kudos or a comment! I crave validation.

😂😂😂😂😐

#marvel fanfiction #irondad and spiderson #irondad fandom #mcu fanfiction #mcu fic #peter parker #tony stark #irondad fanfic #father's day #precious peter parker #also on ao3 #my ao3 #all the kudos

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cptnsantiago · 4 years

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let me stay here by your side, that would be enough

summary: post 7x06. Jake deals with his own emotions by Amy’s side.

read on ao3

In any other circumstance Jake would make a note of how cool he looked sliding to Amy on his knees.

Now wasn’t the time however, with the negative pregnancy test on the floor and tears silently falling down her face as it hits them — they’re still not pregnant.

It had been eight months now since they had decided together to start their family — almost a full-term pregnancy’s worth of time. Countless other couples had gone through pregnancy and now had a baby to call their own at this point. Everyone except Jake and Amy.

Their doctor had told them countless times, it takes time. Logistically, both heard him when he spoke and seemingly took in what he was saying. But between their jobs packed schedule as of late and the meticulous detail taken to conceive made it more exhausting than they could possibly muster. It takes time, he had said, you’re both healthy so I’m certain you’ll be pregnant in no time.

They left the doctors that day feeling nothing but confidence. Amy obviously knew they were doing everything right to conceive but to hear it from a medical professional was comforting. Holding his wife now, seated in the middle of their apartment with no clue where to go from there, Jake is convinced that the doctor was lying. Maybe he was some evil villain out to make his and Amy’s life plain difficult and he had bum nards, or God forbid, something was wrong with Amy.

Positivity was supposed to get them through the down times; if one of them was thinking optimistically then that person could get the other out of the stump, and it usually worked. As Amy’s soft cries turn into tired sobs, his heart breaks and he finds himself struggling to find anything positive to say. Everything was negative much like the pregnancy test facing down on the floor.

The early preparation of pre-school waiting lists, new couches and a new car had brought them excitement beyond nothing else. It was so long ago now that Jake couldn’t imagine being a father and now that he was ready, he just wanted to be there, he didn’t want to wait anymore.

Amy had such a profoundly detailed plan and it made no sense why it wasn’t working. She had been working her whole life to have a successful career and a family. It’s only what she deserved — if the smartest, most gorgeous and talented woman in Jake’s (aka the entire) universe couldn’t get pregnant then no one else should be able to.

He knows he’s getting ahead of himself, but they just wanted a baby so bad. Every day that went by, they saw another young family and Jake’s heart would ache longingly after having that with Amy. He saw the way Amy looked at those families, too, and he hated himself for month after month that he couldn’t seem to get her pregnant.

It’s almost impossible not to think about his dad in this moment. Maybe Jake had been right, and he wasn’t built to be a father — maybe he was too broken and that broke his sperm. It took quite a bit of therapy and all the assurance from Amy to convince him otherwise, giving him the confidence to know that he would be a great father but with Amy so discouraged, Jake was struggled to keep these thoughts at bay.

There’s a tear stain on his flannel shirt now. Jake would move the heavens if it meant that this would stop hurting her so bad. He plays with the ends of her ponytail in an extra attempt to soothe her pain, whispering words of comfort as best as he could without his own voice cracking with tears.

Along with marriage comes heartache, he remembers this from a book he’d read on marriage years before when he was nervous about being a bad husband. Only Amy can judge his ability on being a good husband, and almost two years later he thinks he’s done a good job. He only cares for her opinion anyway, except for the occasion when he also cares about Holt’s opinion.

Jake doesn’t know what to do when her tears finally simmer to quiet hiccups, and she looks up at him with the most loving smile. While his heart was broken that the love of his life was crying, the swell of affection that follows is powerful and overwhelming. He kisses her face until she’s giggling, and her tears are a thing of the past again.

Of course, it’s not forgotten. Hours later, after cheering themselves up with a random comedy and cuddles on their new couch, they have quite a long discussion of what would happen next for them. Amy had already booked them another appointment with the doctor to be certain that her egg health and his sperm were up to speed, and in terms of trying, it was hard to decide.

There was no doubt they wanted to continue trying; at the end of the day they really wanted to have a baby but there was no way they could keep up the excessive and tiring method of temperatures, scheduled sex way too early in the morning, and constant anxiety of what if taking a toll on their mental health.

The choice came down to a less intense method of trying; no matter the hardship, it was important that they didn’t give up. The Santiago-Peralta household were not quitters. So, it meant having sex for the enjoyment of it, with few scheduled sessions to increase their chances. One of the most important rules for conception in the binders was no stress. Usually for Amy that meant having every single step planned out and following those steps to an exact accord, but for this instance, they decided that wasn’t the mind frame they should stick with.

By the end of the night with a lot of teamwork, they have a draft for a new binder ready. The Peraltiago Way: Baby Making for the Relaxed Individual. In this version, he insisted that while she rattled off the technical parts of it all, he rewrote it in a less overwhelmingly detailed manner so that they could still follow important steps, but it wasn’t so anal that none of it was enjoyable.

Jake also included his own amazingly kinky section to keep it romantic and exciting. He’d taken inspiration from their honeymoon binder, and he knows Amy will be impressed when she sees how much thicker his sex tab was compared to his.

This way it was a wonderful mix of the Amy way and the Jake way.

The next day they both take a sick day to recover from the emotionally exhausting months they had. He takes her to Bouche Manger, recreating their entire first date, all inclusive of their 2-hour drunk walk in the park and walking past his old apartment before ending back at their home.

There’s no talk of babies for the whole day — they were simply together as husband and wife, as a family.

Walking in the door, his heart warms at Amy’s soft gasp at the new binder, new tabs (her favourite of course) and stacks of printed paper to be put together. Jake had asked Rosa to get this prepared for him and being one of the few who knew details of their struggle over the past few months, she quickly obliged.

Amy is quick to put the binder together, it being a second nature to her, and he knows she loves it from her quicker than usual reading speed. Jake only joins her in reading when she’s placing one of the final pages in, a short foreword he wrote in attempt to ease any stress. It’s short and simple, and he hears Amy sniffle, he wraps his arms around her so that he can comfort her how she needs. Jake knew they were in this as a team — it might take them only one month or another year before they conceived but they were in this together.

Ames,

I’m writing this to remind you of my love for you. I don’t know how this second version of the binder will help us to have a baby, but if it causes you any stress, I urge you to read this as much as you need.

You’re a literal goddess. Your brains and beauty could dictate the entirety of New York and every single person would follow you — I only speak for myself but I’m 98% sure of this.

No matter the outcome of our life together, you bring me so much joy. Whether that means we have one kid, or many, or even no kids and we’re the old people telling the idiot children to get off our lawns. You and me, we’re a family so no matter what our future holds, I love you.

As an ethereal genius once told me, “Life is unpredictable, not everything is in our control but as long as you’re with the right people, you can handle anything.”

#LOOK ABOUT 100 MELTDOWNS LEAD TO THIS #im fine #really #jake x amy #peraltiago #peraltiago fanfic #b99 #b99 fanfiction #jake x amy fanfiction #amy santiago #jake peralta #my fics

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alwaysmarilynmonroe · 4 years

Text

When most people hear the name, “Veronica Lake” usually one of three things comes to mind – that incredible peek-a-boo hair, the Film Noir’s with Alan Ladd or possibly Kim Basigner playing a Miss Lake lookalike in L.A. Confidential (1997) – fun fact, she won the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for that role. Although, with Veronica’s heyday being well over half a century old, that’s sadly usually as far as it goes.

However, with the Classic Hollywood Era being hugely timeless and forever coming back into fashion, the genre is becoming less of a niché subject and more Stars are on the public radar. If you’re a long time Vintage Lover like myself, you’ll be aware that unfortunately, a lot of our favourites don’t have many books written about them, or if they do, they’ve been out of print for a number of years and can be hard to find, or very expensive. Therefore, when I came across the news that Dean Street Press were publishing a reprint of Veronica’s Autobiography, which was first released in 1969, I was absolutely ecstatic! As most who know me are probably aware of my love for Blonde Bombshells, it may not be as well known that Veronica is my other favourite, after Marilyn.

There have only been two books published on Veronica, which I must add, astounds me – and one of them is this one which was co-written by ghost writer Donald Bain, who sadly passed away in October of 2017. The other is by Jeff Lenburg and I am fortunate enough to have both. However, Lenburg’s book is fairly controversial as he takes a lot of his information from Veronica’s mother, who claims a lot of detrimental things about her daughter – yet was estranged from her for many, many years. I think it’s actually being reprinted this summer and I will read it again, but would definitely advise new fans to stick to Veronica’s own words.

The republished version of Veronica’s Autobiography features a new cover with a stunning publicity photo of her in Ramrod (1947) which was directed by her then Husband, André de Toth. The book is a shiny paperback, with a non crease format, so even when you’ve finished reading, it will be in great condition and can take pride of place on your bookshelf! At 215 pages and 27 chapters, it’s not a huge length, but definitely a substantial read and full of personal anecdotes from the Golden Age of Hollywood.

Broadcaster and writer, Eddie Muller adds a new Introduction and his following words really stuck with me, their relevancy still to this day does not go unnoticed,

“I’ll point out instead that while the public has granted Sterling Hayden, a legendary boozer and hash-head, a legacy as a heroic, larger-than-life iconoclast, it has branded Lake’s life after Hollywood a steady downward spiral of abasement, worthy of only pity. Blame a cultural double standard that applauds reckless rebellion in men but shames it in women.”

As the chapters do not have titles, I’ve decided to write down a snippet of information which sums up the pivotal points and various timelines in each section.

______________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 1:

– Starts in 1938 and traces Veronica’s move to Hollywood with her mother, step-father and cousin on the 4th of July. Veronica enrolls in the Bliss Hayden School of Acting and has her first role in a movie as an extra in RKO’s Sorority House (1939).

Chapter 2:

– Veronica’s signature peek-a-boo hairstyle is unintentionally created on the set of Forty Little Mothers (1940) by Director, Busby Berkeley who stated, “I still say let it fall. It distinguishes her from the rest”.

Chapter 3:

– Director, Freddie Wilcox sets up Veronica’s first Screen Test, whilst at home her step-father suffers a collapsed lung.

Chapter 4:

– Veronica joins the iconic William Morris Agency and recounts her knowledge of the infamous Hollywood Casting Couch and how she turned away from the many advances.

Chapter 5:

– Veronica meets her first husband, John Detlie and has her named changed by Producer, Arthur Hornblow Jr., who, after a second Screen Test, decides to cast her as Sally Vaughn in her breakout movie, I Wanted Wings (1941).

Chapter 6:

– Focuses on the location filming of I Wanted Wings (1941) from August 26th 1940 in San Antonio, Texas.

Chapter 7:

– Continues filming in Hollywood for I Wanted Wings (1941) and elopes to marry her first husband, John Detlie.

Chapter 8:

– Veronica discusses the first 8 years of her childhood and her move to Florida in her teen years and the two schools she attended in Montreal and Miami.

Chapter 9:

– Recounts various appearances in Miami Beauty Pageants as a teenager.

Chapter 10:

– Returns to 1941 with the release of I Wanted Wings (1941) and focuses on the worldwide phenomenon of the famous hair. Also finishes with Director Preston Sturges hiring Veronica for the role of The Girl in Sullivan’s Travels (1941).

Chapter 11:

Veronica shares the news of her first pregnancy with her mother and how her third trimester would coincide with the physical demands of filming Sullivan’s Travels (1941).

Chapter 12:

– Covers the filming of Sullivan’s Travels (1941) from May 12th 1941 and the revelation of Veronica’s pregnancy. It’s simply incredible when watching the film all these years later to come to the realization that she was between six to eight months pregnant!

Chapter 13: – The filming of This Gun For Hire (1942) and The Glass Key (1942).

Chapter 14:

– The filming of I Married A Witch (1942), So Proudly We Hail! (1943) and The Hour Before The Dawn (1944). Veronica also discusses the deterioration of her marriage and the tragic loss of her second baby, Anthony, who died a week after being born two months prematurely.

Chapter 15:

– Veronica divorces John and retells various anecdotes of the Hollywood Lifestyle in it’s heyday in the 1940s.

Chapter 16:

– Veronica discusses the filming of Star Spangled Rhythm (1942) and also her dating history during this period. She shares some fascinating stories of various celebrity anecdotes which include such Stars as, Errol Flynn, Katharine Hepburn, Howard Hughes and Gary Cooper.

Chapter 17:

– The filming of Bring On The Girls (1945), Duffy’s Tavern (1946) and Hold That Blonde! (1945). Veronica recalls marrying her second husband, Andre de Toth and shares a moving story from her visit to The White House in January 1945.

Chapter 18:

– The filming of Miss Susie Slagles (1946), Out Of This World (1945), Ramrod (1946), The Blue Dahlia (1946), Saigon (1947) and The Sainted Sisters (1948). Veronica and Andre expand their family as she has her third baby, a boy named Michael. She also talks about her and Andre obtaining their Pilot Licenses and how the death of her step-dad deeply affected her.

Chapter 19:

– Features a highly entertaining story of Veronica flying her plane, whilst carrying her forth child, in her fifth month of pregnancy. With her on board is her secretary Marge, who up until then had never flown before.

Chapter 20:

– Veronica gives birth to her forth baby, a girl named Diana and talks about the turmoil of her relationship with her mother, who decided to sue her for, “lack of filial love and responsibility” and over $17,000.

Chapter 21:

– The filming of Slattery’s Hurricane (1949) and Stronghold (1951). Veronica discusses her frustration with Andre’s prolific spending, which results in them filing for bankruptcy and ultimately, the deterioration of their marriage.

Chapter 22:

– Veronica moves to New York in 1951 and continues her acting career through various television appearances and the stage. She enters her third marriage to husband, Joe McCarthy, which she admits was volatile from the start and they divorce after just four years, in September 1959.

Chapter 23:

– Covers the years 1959 through to 1961. Veronica discusses her time taking a job as a cocktail waitress – which contrary to popular belief, she actually quite enjoyed. She also talks about the traumatic accident which resulted in a severely broken ankle, which caused her inability to act for two years.

Chapter 24:

– Delves into her relationship with Andy Elickson, a Merchant Seaman, who she met during her time working in the Martha Washington Hotel and focuses on the period between 1961 and 1966. She also writes about a high note in her stage career; appearing in Best Foot Forward in 1963.

Chapter 25:

– Veronica discusses her move to Miami from New York in 1966.

Chapter 26:

– The filming of Footsteps In The Snow (1966) and Flesh Feast (1970) which was then known as Time Is Terror and was originally shot in 1967.

Chapter 27:

– Ends in October 1967 with Veronica discussing her reading performance of The World of Carl Sandburg, which she describes as one of the, “finest moments” of her life.

______________________________________________________________________________

Veronica’s words are full of honesty, she does not sugar-coat her flaws and her anecdotes convey a great sense of humbleness towards her career and lots of self criticism to her talent, the latter which saddens me. I’ve noticed many of the great Stars rarely seem to have any belief in themselves. If only they could see how loved and appreciated they truly are. However, her loyalty and generosity towards her close friends and even acquaintances does not go unnoticed. It’s refreshing to see her be able to share her own story, without various opinions and conspiracies that have grown over the years being included.

Overall, there’s only two downsides that springs to mind. Firstly, as the book was originally published in 1969 and finishes at the end of 1967, we’re missing the six final years of her fascinating life and tragically nothing can be done to change this. Of course no one is at fault, it’s just a shame that those last years will remain mostly a mystery to us. It would have been wonderful to read about her time in England. Lastly, in the original edition, a number of pages featured very rare photos of Veronica throughout her years, including her own comments. Sadly, only a small version of the cover photo reappears at the end of the newly republished book. I’m assuming this is down to cost and or copyright, but it would be nice to see these rare treasures reappear in the latest edition for fans that are not fortunate enough to also own an original copy.

Ultimately, Veronica always maintains her true self and comes across as not a Screen Icon, but just like one of us – albeit with some extraordinary Hollywood stories. She’s simply, and I mean this in the most complimentary way – a human being. It’s been almost a decade since I discovered Veronica, eight years in fact and I for one have not only became even more endeared to Miss Lake, but, I have also developed a warm space in my heart for my fellow 5’2″ little lady, Miss Connie/Ronni Keane.

Lastly, a huge thank you to Dean Street Press for believing in the popularity of Veronica and so wonderfully reprinting hers and Donald Bain’s special words for us all to enjoy.

For anyone who wants to see more of Veronica, I’ve amassed a fairly large archive of photos over the years which can be viewed on my blog devoted entirely to her; missveronicalakes.

Follow me at;

BLOGLOVIN

INSTAGRAM

TUMBLR

TWITTER

YOUTUBE

For inquiries or collaborations contact me at;

[email protected]

Veronica: The Autobiography of Veronica Lake; Book Review. When most people hear the name, "Veronica Lake" usually one of three things comes to mind - …

#1940s #1950s #1960s #autobiography #blonde bombshell #book review #classic hollywood #constance keane #donald bain #femme fatale #icon #legend #old hollywood #peek-a-boo blonde #veronica lake #vintage

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roswelldetails · 4 years

Text

Episode 203: Good Mother

Sorry so late this week!! I had a deadline for work that kept me away from this early in the week, and Tumblr has been mean tonight. Kudos to @tasyfa for helping me with some of the transcripts while I was stuck working!!

EPISODE SUMMARY:

Determined to regain control of her life in the aftermath of Noah’s death, Isobel (Lily Cowles) makes a risky choice despite its potential consequences. Meanwhile, Alex (Tyler Blackburn) and Michael (Michael Vlamis) work together to unravel the mystery surrounding the night Nora’s (guest star Kayla Ewell) spaceship crashed in 1947. Elsewhere, Liz (Jeanine Mason) makes a surprising confession when Cameron (guest star Riley Voelkel) shows up looking for answers about Max (Nathan Dean). Heather Hemmens, Amber Midthunder and Trevor St. John also star. Jeffrey Hunt directed the episode written by Deirdre Mangan & Carina Adly MacKenzie (#203.) Original airdate 3/30/2020.

DETAILS:

Aliens in the crash are always portrayed as wearing all white.

There's also a silvery gleam on the faces of Nora and Louise following the crash.

Harlan Manes (first introduced in the alien autopsy scene in 1x07) and Hector Valenti (first mentioned in the pilot by Jesse Manes, but visually introduced here) are shown as having both a partnership and a difference in perspective, with Hector being more sympathetic to the aliens from the start - it mirrors what we know about Jim and Jesse's relationship.

Mysterious alien figure in white hood (probably played by Nathan Parsons, but unlikely to actually be Max (see @latessitrice meta) touches Nora's shoulder and she looks pained, then attacks and burns Hector alive, before disappearing into thin air.

Nora is shot in her shoulder.

Liz sent Alex to find Michael at the cave.

The pods "regenerate cells at the same rate as they degrade" keeping them in stasis. The theory of the electrical current is that it will speed up the regeneration so instead of stasis, Max might improve.

Searching for info about Nora led Alex to a sophisticated firewall, which meant that someone was trying to hide information about her.

Jenna's fake energy drinks are called "Speed Demon"

Mimi DeLuca says she was "nowhere" (and then she looks up at the stars). She was wearing the same nightgown and robe as when she disappeared (white...like the aliens in 1947), but instead of bare feet, she had on a pair of elaborate blue and white cowboy boots

Jenna told Sheriff Valenti that Mimi recited the plot from the film Starship Troopers during the car ride into town "like she lived it", with all the voices, but did not provide any information about where she’d been. Sheriff Valenti implies that this is typical behavior from Mimi.

Michael says he's been parked at the pony for a few weeks. Maria says that Mimi was gone for a month. That means that another 2 weeks have passed. (I.e., Max has been dead for 6 weeks now.)

Maria says that they found her mom on I-40 (by the Roswell sign). Also in 2x01 Rosa indicated that she and Liz were on I-40 when they saw Flint - Rosa put together that it was the most direct route to Area 51...however, I-40 does not go through Roswell. In fact, it is over 100 miles from Roswell to I-40 (north on 285). However, it is the most direct route to Area 51 from Roswell.

Isobel points out that Mimi DeLuca waking up in the desert with no memory is similar to what happened to her when Noah took over her body. Michael doesn't believe that they are the same situation though.

Rosa is about to drink spiked coffee when Liz brings her the art supplies. After Liz leaves, she pours it out without drinking it.

Isobel is packing up all of the photos of her and Noah (most look like vacation photos). She hesitates on the photo of them with Max at the wedding that we previously saw in 2x01 at Noah's funeral.

Isobel's baby is now 7 weeks (consistent with the other time frames) and is now the size of a blueberry.

Isobel drinks the rest of the alien death serum and immediately gets cramps/pain in her womb. And then Max's hallucination appears.

Isobel tells not!Max that she has been microdosing with the serum for weeks (2 weeks, based on the timeline) and it hasn't worked.

Not!Max does tell her to call Kyle (i.e, her subconscious knows she should, but she's not listening).

Michael tells Jenna that Max is in Mexico (at first).

Mimi is "hydrated and healthy" and she never felt unsafe.

She thinks she was only gone for a night, coming to see Maria when Jenna found her.

Maria asked Mimi whether Jenna lent the boots to her and Mimi declared they were hers

Liz is surrounded by monitors with alienesque symbols on them (or maybe just The Science!) See photo:

When the alarm sounds Liz looks at her computer screen and reacts - likely a security camera.

When Alex arrives at the Bunker and sees the binder left for him, the computers are on and there is a map showing. See photo:

I tried to figure out what city it is on his computer screen, but no luck. If anyone figures it out, send me an ask & let me know & I'll blast it out!

The 3-ring binder left for Alex, which looked approx. ¾ full with paper documents, was marked on the front:

CAULFIELD * A4N

352-6553 NMG

The text was white on a dark green background that appeared to be a printed label that had been affixed to the front of the binder. The body of the binder was light grey, with a partially shaded circular diagram in the lower center of the front that appeared to be part of the binder itself rather than a later addition like the label.

The Post-It note left on the binder for Alex said, "What side of history do you want to be on?"

There was also a marking on the spine of the binder: CF-143-3453-C78. This is probably a file or record reference, with CF standing for Caulfield. The reference would be visible when the binder was housed on a shelf, allowing easy identification.

When Alex flipped open the binder, the visible portion of the top page read as follows:

HEADQUARTERS

509th BOMB GP (NH)

ROSWELL ARMY AIR FIELD

ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Forwarded.

A07-06 (95) 8 JULY 1947

AFTER ACTION REPORT

Serial

[blacked out text with underscoring] [TOP SECRET stamp]

From: Lt. Colonel Payne Jennings, Roswell Army Air Field

Subject: Engagement with enemy combatants, recovery of unidentified craft, night of 14-15 June, 1947, twelve casualties.

[offscreen] is a fine that concerns the events and

[offscreen] following the discovery of a flying saucer,

To: Chief of Staff, U.S. Air Force

[offscreen] dentified rancher notified

[offscreen] [blacked out text] that he found the instrument on

[offscreen] operations were coordinated with

[offscreen] with the intent of detaining or

[offscreen] while assisting in the inves-

[offscreen] reached the crash site

[offscreen] ing object’s entan-

[offscreen] balloon. Ship

[offscreen] of foreign

[offscreen] place

Liz explains The Science to Jenna:

"3 years ago I hypothesized that if I introduced a rare protein to destroyed stem cells they'd regenerate. And I was right. My team in Denver brought dead cells back to life. Rat cells, but, I mean, still, the applications are immeasurable… until our study got shut down. They said it's for ethics reasons, but I think it's because it threatened big pharma. Then a few weeks ago, Kyle found that the pods contain a sort of alien cousin to my regenerative protein. When Max healed Rosa, his electric charge amplified the process. If we can replicate that, then, we can accelerate his recovery, so, I am testing out pig hearts to see…" discussion about pig hearts/human hearts/different kinds of smart…

Liz says she has a few hours before she has to "record the electromagnetic charge interval"

Jenna says that Liz reminds her of Charlie.

Charlie used to rant about gene therapy

Jesse says he requested no visitors until "his brain starts to follow his orders".

He keeps periodically hitting the morphine drip with Alex in the room, though he was ignoring it before Alex got there.

Jesse describes the opening scene of the episode. And then tells Alex "Tripp was never the same".

Rosa's art:

Among the quotes on her collage are:

Body drie up from ...

What did she say

You're no listening

Control her Take her power

I am the Mesa the mighty

Nothing but a muddy trickle

You can't hold us

Sandia

Between them... Damn... One day she'll…

East

Rosa hears Max call out to her (while awake) "Rosa! Help! You're the only one!"

Jenna says that her dad brought her and Charlie to Roswell when they were kids. That they were obsessed with the crash and aliens and the X-Files and it was the perfect trip. It's why she came to Roswell after leaving the military. "It was like trying to go back in time, somehow."

"Time Travel really messed with you. I am eight years older than my older sister. She used to be my hero. She was kinetic, disruptive, cool. Now that I'm an adult I'm pretty sure she's bipolar, and she needs help. And if I try to save Max I'm letting Rosa twist in the wind, so, hence the wine ready in my drawer."

Maria is going through a box labeled "Mom's Stuff" in the Pony when she sees Rosa.

"I'm turning into my mom. I lost time at the gala...Michael's hand...I'm seeing things!"

What Valenti says about Noah's death:

"The M.E., Dr. Holden, listed Noah's cause of death as cardiac arrest due to lightning strike. (note: cardiac arrest = heart attack. Same way Max died.). No other abnormalities were listed. But that's not consistent with the crime scene photos. You see these ligature marks on his wrists and ankles. …. These marks are consistent with zip ties. And these with struggling against police-issue handcuffs. Like Max's.".

Isobel blames it on their sex toys.

What Max said to the grocery clerk "¿Tienes carne sin preservativos?" (Meat without a condom).

About Max's nightmare:

"You remember when I used to come in and sleep on your floor?"

"You used to have a nightmare. You were alone in a cold, dark room and there was something… You couldn't get up. You were…"

"Chained to the floor. I'd wake up all freaked out and run to your room."

Rosa's nightmare:

"I need your help, Rosa."

"Look, I'm not gonna help you die. I have been drinking so that I don't dream."

"I know that."

"It's like you're getting stronger. I hear you now when I'm awake."

"You're right. Something is making me stronger. I feel things. That's why I'm calling for you. Something is wrong with Isobel. Even in the pod I sense it. She's dying. Please."

Liz thinks that Max was able to reach out to save Isobel because the electricity is making him stronger in the pod.

Maria confessed to her mother that she had thought she might be getting sick too, Mimi said Maria would not get lost because she was protected, and reached for the resin pendant with the anti-alien pollen flower that Maria was wearing as usual. When Mimi seemed to go to sleep, Maria removed the necklace and placed it on her mother.

Flashing back to the night of the crash, Nora seems to be tying down the tarp on the back of the truck when Tripp approaches her. He feigns an offer to assist her and then grabs her and orders his men to move in so that they can take her and the truck back to base. Louise appears and black-canary-screams to push them away (sound waves, I presume). She is shot in the stomach/chest. Nora pulls her into the truck and drives them away.

The newspaper clip Michael found is dated October 12, 1948, two days before Nora was captured.

Newspaper transcript:

Last scene - Nora is clearly driving the truck with her powers, as she has both her arms around Louise. They approach a cabin and we're introduced to Roy Bronson, who offers to help.

Roswell Town Fair Charms Locals and Tourists

Photo caption: Smiles abound demonstrate a good time had by all.

Saturday Festivities Drew Healthy Crowds

Second column under photo:

...well as celebrated hometown war heroes, and, of course, Mrs. Benjamin Booker (Carol) whose strawberry Chile pie has won the Roswell Pie Contest four seasons in a row.

Children delighted in activities such as sack races.......

Top of 3rd column:

...ice creams.

Meanwhile the annual pumpkin chunking contest was the main attraction as expected! Pumpkin chunkers arrived from far and wide with their pumpkins and their pumpkin-lurching apparatuses. The prize for best pumpkin chunked went to the Long Family. Their farm foreman Roy Bronson credited his friend and neighbor, a young woman who declined to be named, for the Long's pumpkin chunking victory.

When asked what he'd do with the prize money, Bronson declared that he would "purchase ingredients (for his lady friend) to cook up a nice pumpkin pie".

MUSIC:

Dame - Holy Moly

Tommee Profitt feat. Fleurie - Hurricane

#roswell new mexico #rnm season 2 #good mother #rnm 203 #long post #episode details

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rndyounghowze · 3 years

Text

Black Noses And My Personal History With White Supremacy

I finally got the courage to talk about something that Dana has been challenging me to post about for a while. #blm #stopwhiteterrorism

By Ricky and Dana Young-Howze

Mays Landing, NJ

Venmo: @rndyounghowze

I have a very vivid memory of being teased on the school bus in elementary school for having “a black nose and lips”. Until I got glasses and was diagnosed with Tourettes it was the common theme of my playground bullying. My biggest role model at the time was our bus driver Mr. Garland (I think that was his name) because he defended me. I remember trying to make up some story about how I got plastic surgery and they messed up my nose. He looked me dead in the eye and said “we have to be proud of what we look like. We are beautiful inside and out. They’re ugly on the inside. That’s what makes us better”.

I lived with my grandmother during the week and my parents on the weekends. My mom and dad lived in one of the first “projects” in the US and at that time they were one of two white families living there. I would be playing with the kids in the playground and a Black mom who would be watching us would tell me to come up to them and she would hold my chin in her hand and turn my head for inspection to the other mothers sitting there smoking cigarettes. She would tell me “I don’t care what your mom and dad told you” and would let me go back and play. I never really knew what she meant.

Flash forward to high school. I decided that I wanted to dive into my family history. I was in a play about the Confederate Flag and I remembered that I had family on both sides of the war. I had enough info about my family to join the Sons of Confederate Veterans. I also knew that my family up In Kentucky had fought in the Union. I was proud to have “heritage” on both sides.

I was rooting through photo albums in my Dad’s mom’s house. I came upon a family bible that was really old. It had to be old enough to be owned by the parts of the family that lived in the Appalachian Mountains in the 1800’s. Family bibles used to have these front pages that listed weddings and births. Listed in the middle is a marriage between a woman with the last name Jung and a man named Richard with no last name. This would not have meant anything except that after his name they took the time to list him as “a n*****r”. They then spent a paragraph talking about how he fought in the Civil War and saved lives in a battle by shooting a superior officer and allowing the company to retreat. So he was a n*****r but he was a “good n*****r”.

I knew that the story was that our family had changed our last name from Jung to Young to avoid discrimination. My Dad’s side of the family has an outstanding military history and I know they were worried about appearing to have German ties in the war. I eventually went across the street and asked my great grandfather about this. The only thing he ever told me was “marry a girl with the Irish in her. It’s the best thing you could do.” My great grandfather passed away while I was in Highschool. My grandfather passed away in college. After the funeral I went to the house and looked for the family Bible. I had held it in my hand four times in three years. It was gone. I have never found it again. My Dad has special needs, his mom has dementia. The rest of my Dad’s family has never spoken to me after the funeral. It may be because I married a Black person. Maybe not. I will never know.

One time while driving through my mom’s side of the family’s hometown I saw a church sign that had the family name on it. I asked why we never went there and she just casually said “that must belong to the Black families that live here that share our last name”. I was floored by this. We had a black side of the family? What!? She was quick to tell me that they were in no way related. It was just that the family was as old as we were and had lived in that town as long as we had. My family has lived there and owned land there since before the Civil War. I have been digging into the genealogy based on what she has told me and after two or three generations the family line with our last name seems to disappear. Two white branches of the family go back eight or so generations and seem to have married into the family three generations or so back but there don’t seem to be any birth or death records in their town that support her story that the family had been there for a very long time. There is no not-slave-owning explanation for this. To this day my grandmother refuses to talk about it. She leans into the Scots-Irish side of the story.

In grad school when I first met Dana they made sure to do two things: Tell a very wrong Obama joke and then ask me what I was mixed with. The joke was to see if I reacted to the joke in a ”white way” (their words). If I did they would never feel comfortable being alone with me ever much less date me. The second question is because they saw what every other Black person I know saw. I told them what I knew about the probable Black man on my Dad’s side and my theory about my Mom's side. They kinda looked flabbergasted. Like they were surprised I admitted it.

Dana and I fell hard in love and spent three years trying to do the long-distance relationship thing. We had very long talks about race and whiteness. We had to have massive discussions about privilege and culture. I had reading lists and albums and homework that I had to do and Dana readily admits that in a lot of ways I already ”got it”. However, it was never enough. They wanted me to make a conscious decision to marry into a black family and know what I was getting into.

In August of 2014, I had just gotten back from spending a summer with Dana and I was using my hour before work to buy an engagement ring. I had two months to move to NJ so that we could start a job together. I heard on the news that Michael Brown was shot by a white cop in Ferguson. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It was the first time that the weight of what I was doing rang home in the deepest parts of me. I was marrying a Black person. At the time I wanted to bring children into this world. It finally dawned on me that those children were going to be Black. Just as the math in my childhood was Black nose+white skin=white guy the calculus done in a cop’s head was not going to add up well for our children. I worked at a church so I went to the altar and prayed. I prayed for a whole hour. I got the ring and moved to NJ. Dana and I were married five months later. I never looked back.

Why am I saying this now? Because white supremacy is the scourge of American Theatre. It's the reason why our Asian American artists are afraid to walk the streets at night. It's the reason why our Black artists are having to stand up and form their coalitions to get work done without a ”white yes”. It's the reason why even though I have photographic proof that the Cis males in my family have slowly gotten paler with every generation and that I know with absolute certainty that there is a Black contribution to my heritage somewhere that they locked it down and hid it from me like it was a crime (and it was until Loving V. Virginia, the very state my Dad's side of the family hails from). They appear to have bred as much of it out of me as possible by marrying women with ”Irish” in them. I feel like I was force-fed the blue pill and sidelined from my culture. I will never be black. I’m not even trying to be. I am just sickened that something that every Black person I’ve met can see may or may not come from a heritage that was stolen from me and hidden so well I can probably only prove it with a DNA test.

Whiteness is not a culture, it is an allergic reaction to the existence of BIPOC contributions to American life. It is cancer in our American Theatre and we have predominantly white institutions that are standing out like tumors in our cultural landscape. I am singularly focused on rooting them out not just because I'm married to a BIPOC artist. I'm rooting them out so that I can claim all of my cultures so that I can make reparations for the harm that has happened in my personal history. To create me BIPOC heritage may have had to be bred out and hidden and I may never be able to prove it. The sheer insinuation is enough to sicken me. I will uncover it and amplify my ancestors’ stories if I can find them. I will create a culture where this doesn't have to happen again. It ends with me.

**************Similar Posts*************

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pentakillmaven · 5 years

Text

The Nose Knows, Chapter 4 (NaNoWriMo 2018)

Short chapter this time, but I really had fun writing this one! It’s a group text chat chapter!

Chapter Rating: T

Chapter Warnings: Unresolved mutual pining

Chapter 4

Ladybug and Chat Noir met up a little after sunset at the top of the Arc de Triomphe. They didn't like to use the same meeting spot every time they patrolled, just in case a villain was tracking them, but the structure was a common starting point for their circuitous routes around the city. Ladybug bit her lip nervously as she thrust a wrapped box into Chat Noir's hand. "This is for you, Chaton."

"My Lady?" Chat cocked his head to the side as he furrowed his brow a little, but he accepted the box easily enough. "What's all this about?"

"Just open it!"

Nodding rather reluctantly, Chat tugged on the ribbon wrapped around the box, setting it aside for the moment while he tore through the paper. Lifting the lid, his eyes widened in surprise as he saw what was inside. "What in the…" He reached into the box, pulling out a black beanie hat with green paw prints stitched around the brim and faux leather cat ears poking out of the top. Alongside the hat was a fleece scarf with more of the paw print accents and a pair of faux-fur-edged gloves. "Bugaboo, these are amazing! Thank you!"

"Actually, Marinette asked me to bring this present to you. She said it was a thank you gift for saving her. Since it's nearly winter, she thought you might be able to use them if you get cold during patrol."

"Marinette made these? I knew she was a talented designer, but, wow. These are incredible."

Ladybug grinned. "I know, right? I'll tell her you like them!"

Chat shook his head quickly. "No, no, something like this, I need to tell her myself. Do you mind if I skip patrol tonight?" Chat wrapped the scarf around his neck and tugged the hat on over his head before he quickly started to pick up the wrapping paper, stuffing it inside the box alongside the gloves.

Ladybug's eyes widened in minor panic, though Chat was too busy to notice. "She's really busy right now! She's got some big tests coming up; it's probably better not to disturb her while she's studying. You can tell her another night."

Chat looked a bit disappointed, but nodded. "That makes sense. Tell you what--I'll put together something really nice to thank her for the gift, and give it to her when I get back."

"Get back from where?" It was Ladybug’s turn to look confused by Chat's sudden change of topic.

Chat winced a bit, scratching at the back of his head. "Y-yeah… My civilian identity has something going on that I have to leave town for a few days. I should be back by the beginning of next week, though. Do you think you can get Réna Rouge or Carapace to cover for me while I'm gone?"

"Wait, you're leaving town? As in leaving Paris?" At Chat's nod, Ladybug’s face tightened in concern. "Do you think it's smart to leave right after Hawk Moth just sent out the first Akuma we've seen in nearly a month? What if he's about to start on a rash of attacks? Réna and Carapace are great, but I need my partner."

"I'm sorry, Bugaboo, but I don't have any control over the situation. Like I said, it's a thing for my civilian identity."

Ladybug sighed in resignation, nodding slightly. "I know how that feels. All right. Just keep your Miraculous safe while you're gone, okay?"

"Of course. I won't let it out of my sight."

"Good. Now, shall we begin?"

"Of course, My Lady. Lead the way!"

Marinette dropped into her bedroom through the skylight, having already released her superhero transformation from Ladybug. She shivered, quickly pulling the skylight window shut to block the late autumn chill. Paris hadn't seen its first snow of the season just yet, but it definitely felt cold enough to do so, especially this late at night.

Marinette pulled her cell phone out of her pocket, noticing multiple notifications that she'd missed during her time as Ladybug. Some of them were the usual late-evening push notifications from her various games and apps; she also had a few new emails, mostly junk or advertising. The one notification that did catch her eye was from the group chat that she, Alya, Nino, and Adrien all had going on. It was mostly used for school-related discussions, but occasionally someone sent a funny meme or a video link to share to the rest of the group. Opening the messaging app, she scrolled back up to where the new messages began so she wouldn't miss anything.

[8:57 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Hey guys! Today was a lot of fun! Thanks for having us over, Marinette.

[8:58 PM] DJLahiffe: yeah same

[8:58 PM] AdrienAgreatest: I wanted to let you guys know that I won't be at school tomorrow. Actually, I won't be here the rest of the week. Father has some business to attend to in Milan, and he's taking me with him.

[8:59 PM] TheLadyblogger: what the hell Adrien??? doesnt your dad know that the bac practice tests are, like, next week??? how can he pull you out of school right now???

[9:02 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Trust me, Alya, I'm not happy about it either. I just found out earlier tonight, when I got home from Marinette's house. We aren't even leaving until tomorrow, but he made me come home early so that I could "get some good rest, because we have a busy schedule the next several days." Nathalie isn't saying much about it, but she did mention something about a potential merger with some Italian leather working company. I guess they make things like wallets, shoes, and belts? So the company would be able to offer more in the way of accessories that we don't really have right now.

[9:06 PM] DJLahiffe: wow. that sounds p cool but ur dad is still rude af tho

[9:08 PM] TheLadyblogger: i'm with nino on this one. @MariDC what do you think about this? are you as outraged as we are?

Glancing at the time, Marinette breathed a sigh of relief when she realized it was only 9:15. She quickly typed out a response.

[9:15 PM] MariDC: Sorry, just got back up to my room. Was helping Maman with dishes. I'm sorry to hear you're going to be missing class, Adrien! But if this is something your father wants you to do, I think it's important that you take it in stride. Look on the bright side! At least you don't have to sit through stuffy classes the rest of the week. Your teachers are always willing to work with you when you have to miss class. As long as you're back in time for the Bac practice tests next week, everything should be fine. You will be back by then, right?

[9:18 PM] AdrienAgreatest: According to Father, we will be flying back Sunday, so unless something unexpected happens, I should be back in time for the practice tests. Maybe we can do a video call study group one night, depending on how busy I am.

[9:19 PM] MariDC: That sounds great! Just let us know when you're free in the evenings.

[9:19 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Definitely. I'll keep you guys posted on what's going on. If previous experience is anything to go by, the next few days are going to pretty much be Father talking with a bunch of old people while I sit and do nothing. Either that or I'm going to be doing non-stop photo shoots while Father talks with the board of directors at the other company. This is the first time that I'm going to be out of the country, though, so that's exciting at least. I've never been to Italy before.

[9:22 PM] DJLahiffe: dude let me dm you some new remixes ive been working on, u can listen to them on the plane

[9:23 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Yes please! Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know so you weren't worried about me tomorrow. Have a good night everyone!

[9:25 PM] TheLadyblogger: night adrien!

[9:25 PM] DJLahiffe: nite bro

[9:25 PM] MariDC: Good night, Adrien! Sleep well and safe travels!

[9:26 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Thanks :)

Setting her phone aside, Marinette sighed, the sound rather forlorn. She crawled out of bed to get into her pajamas, grabbing her History textbook for some more reading before she fell asleep.

However, despite her best efforts, her mind was buzzing with activity; she couldn't get settled enough to read the textbook and she wasn't tired enough to sleep yet. Her mind kept replaying the look on Chat Noir's face as he opened the gift she'd given him. It seemed so familiar, but she couldn't think of why. Not to mention the strange coincidence that both Chat and Adrien were going to be out of town at the same time. "Tikki?"

The Kwami poked her head out of her little dollhouse on the shelf beside Marinette's bed, where she'd settled once they'd gotten inside. "What is it, Marinette?"

"Chat Noir is going to be out of town for a few days starting tomorrow. And Adrien just messaged Alya and Nino and me saying he was going to Milan for the rest of the week."

"Oh… that's an interesting coincidence." Tikki looked up at Marinette intently, as if reading the girl's expression.

"Is it though? I know it sounds crazy, but… what if…" Marinette trailed off. No, that was too crazy for her to even imagine.

"What are you thinking, Marinette?"

"What if… Chat Noir's civilian identity… what if he works for Gabriel Agreste? What if he's going with Adrien and his dad to Milan, and that's why he's going to be out of town?"

Tikki's eyes widened at Marinette's suggestion. "That's… certainly a possibility, I suppose."

"I know we aren't supposed to reveal ourselves to each other without the masks, but if I was on the right track to figuring out his identity, you'd tell me, right Tikki?"

"Of course I would, Marinette. But I'm not sure if you're on the right track or not."

"Oh. Okay." Sighing, Marinette leaned back in bed, staring up at the ceiling as she continued to ponder the curious coincidence. This was getting her nowhere--she needed to get back to studying! With a huff, she picked up her textbook again, gluing her eyes to the page.

However, after trying and failing to read the same paragraph four times, Marinette set the textbook aside and picked her phone back up. Her fingers shook as she typed a private message to Adrien, and she had to reread the message twice to make sure she didn't have any typos before she sent it.

[9:45 PM] MariDC: Adrien? I have a question.

[9:46 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Hey again Marinette! What's up?

[9:47 PM] MariDC: Do you know Chat Noir?

Marinette held her breath as a message appeared in the corner of her screen: AdrienAgreatest is typing…

Ten seconds turned into thirty seconds, turned into a minute, and Marinette had to gasp for air before she passed out. Finally, after the longest two minutes of her entire life, Adrien's reply popped up on her phone.

[9:49 PM] AdrienAgreatest: I'm not sure why you're asking, but yes, I've at least met Chat Noir before. I don't know who he is behind the mask, though. Or, at least, I don't know if I know him. Does that make sense?

[9:50 PM] MariDC: Yes! That makes perfect sense. I have a confession to make: When I said I was at home the whole time the villain was attacking the school on Monday, I was lying. I actually got hurt in the bathroom when the villain first appeared, and Chat Noir saved me. I only lied to keep Alya and Nino from freaking out and worrying about me. Are you mad?

[9:53 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Why would I be mad at you? It's not like you intentionally put yourself in harm's way, right? I'm just glad you're alright. You're one of my closest friends and I would be devastated if something happened to you. I care about you a lot, Marinette.

Marinette's eyes widened almost comically as she read and reread Adrien's messages. She vaguely heard a loud, high-pitched squeal coming from somewhere in the room. It took her a minute to realize it was coming from herself.

[9:56 PM] MariDC: I care about you a lot too Adrien! I mean, you're one of my closest friends too! I love

Shaking her head wildly, Marinette deleted the text and started again.

[9:57 PM] MariDC: You're really important to me and I hope I didn't disappoint you or make you mad.

[9:58 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Don't worry about it, Marinette. You didn't do anything of the sort. Anyway, I should be getting to bed. It's late and I have to be up at 5 for us to make our plane.

[10:00 PM] MariDC: Oh lord! Yes, you do need to be getting to sleep! Can't have Mr. Model with saggy under eye bags, now can we? ;) Sleep well, Adrien. Let us know when your plane lands, all right?

[10:03 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Will do. Good night, Marinette. Sweet dreams :) (edited)

Marinette blinked, peering down at her phone in confusion. She'd glanced away for a moment, but she could have sworn that instead of her name, Adrien had initially written "Princess."

Did Adrien think of Marinette using pet names? Did he consider her his princess?

"Oh my god!" Marinette rolled over and stuffed her face into her pillow to muffle her squeal.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous tales of ladybug and cat noir #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #nino lahiffe #alya cesaire #ladybug #chat noir #marichat #adrinette #ladrien #ladynoir #nanowrimo #nanowrimo 2018

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onkey-bedtime-stories · 7 years

Text

EUNOIA - chapter 2

Chapter 1

----------------

“I met Donghae yesterday.”

That’s how Taemin greets his sister on a random phone call one afternoon. As hard as she tried to be chill about it, Eunsook cannot help but shake in panic, intrigued by his words. She ran to the closest bench she could find and put her camera safely on her laps.

“You know that we’re adults, right? We don’t need to inform each other anymore like when we were kids and used to match our scenario to lie to Mom and Dad.”

The tremble on her lips seemed readable from the other line, making Taemin snickers on his bed.

“And since we’re adults it means now we lie to each other instead to our parents? Wow. Just wow, Lee Eunsook.”

“As I remember you were the one who banned me for weeping around on anyone whom acquaintance with him. Am I right?”

“You are. You’re always right beside this particular choice on men.”

“So?”

“I just let you know that yesterday I met Donghae.”

“Just let me know? You think I didn’t know how sneaky you are telling me stuff just because you are childishly curious on how I would react? Well, try harder, baby boy.”

“My smart lady. I always knew you went to Milan not for nothing.”

“Ha. So funny.”

“Do you want me to tell you what happened or I need to wait for another year until you gather up your guts to ask me how it went?”

“Actually, I don’t really care. That wouldn’t change anything, would that?”

“It depends, though.”

“On what? On how I handle stuff? On how bad my mood right now? Or maybe, just maybe, on how bad I weep last night?”

So she still cried miserably at night?

Taemin sighed and Eunsook regrets raising her tones, unveiled her unstable mind unconsciously. However, she didn’t lie when she said she doesn’t really care since she would still be broken hearted and desperately wants to turn back time hoping she could fix any mistake they did during their relationship. Or more like what mistake she did.

“Donghae asked how you are doing.”

“You can tell him that I’m fine, having a really nice summer escapades and eating lots of good food. Really, I think I will gain at least five pounds by the end of the trip.”

“Unless it’s not really Donghae who asked.”

“I know.”

“No you don’t.”

Eunsook scribbled on the ground with her shoes, making random pattern on it, “Yes I do, Tae. Because he texted me two days ago and I kept writing and deleting my rant until this morning on how I’m doing now after he decided not to be in the same page with me anymore. Believe me I know, because this is the first time I didn’t reply on him right away after I saw his name appeared on my screen.”

Taemin doesn’t say anything and just listened to the sound of the wind, trying to not make everything more complicated for his sister.

“Maybe he overestimated me.. thinking that I would be just alright after everything. Having a blast in Netherlands, enjoying summer, going shopping and meeting my best friend after a long time. You know I always this ‘his strong woman’ or.. or ‘his only iron lady’ you know.. So this trip, couldn’t it be better than that?”

“Don’t resent anyone. You’re the one who said to me that this is the best way for both of you to be happier.”

“I told you maybe.”

“Anyway, I said that you’re fine. A little tired and overwhelmed but you’re good now.”

“Should I thank you for giving the wise back up and being the best brother in the world?”

“Not really. Because I told Donghae as well how you’re calling me every day at 3 AM mopping around threatening people you’d kill yourself if tomorrow you’re wake up and everything is not only in your dream.”

“You should have added the part I didn’t eat anything for a week and ran into the emergency room when my coworker found me passed out at the toilet.”

“Ah, if only you did a proper briefing before.”

She’s really grateful for the fact that she might really have the best brother in the world. Taemin never fail making her laughed. Though he had this ice prince exterior, his heart is the warmest, far from all the cold and mischievous image people around him familiar with.

��Now that I told you what to do, can you fix that when you met him again?”

“Let see. I got studio schedule again tomorrow and he will be the producer assistant the whole week. Yeah sure, I will tell him everything until the IV shot part.”

“Good boy.”

“I know I am.”

“And stop texting or calling Minho behind my back. It’s embarrassing.”

Now it’s Taemin turn to burst into laughter. It’s still stuck in his head how he decided to call Minho instead of his wife because Taemin couldn’t stand the idea of being yelled or interrogated by Junghee. That girl can speak two hours nonstop without giving break the other person.

“I’ll go to sleep now, it’s almost midnight here. Be good, sister.”

“Don’t wet the bed.”

“I’ve had my diaper on, no need to worry. I love you!”

“I love you, too!”

The second she put the phone down, Eunsook feels lonely again. Actually, she prefers having endless argument with anyone rather than swimming in her own thoughts. Inevitably, she checked the phone again. Rereading the text Jungsoo sent two days ago.

‘Good morning, sunshine! How’s the vacation?’

Ah, sunshine. It was nice to be sunshine for someone, a thought cross Eunsook’s mind. It was. She was sunshine. Night star. Moonlight. Making her questioning herself, is it not enough being her for he needed her to be something else? Was she not beautiful enough for he had the urge to always comparing her to something else?

“Eunsook?”

She lifted her head up and found a face she expected the least.

“Kibum?”

The latter smiles and tell the other guys walking with him to leave first. He then casually sits next to Eunsook, looks like a supermodel he is, swiping his hair back. When he looked to his left, Eunsook almost stoned, left him chuckles nervously again, a habit he developed whenever Eunsook’s around him.

“What are you doing here? Don’t tell me you joined this group tour with the guy poking his umbrella to the sky!”

She squinted her tiny eyes, which in Kibum’s mind was too cute to handle.

“Oh, I was walking around doing some sketches taking photos and then my brother called so I gotta sit here and listen to him ranting about unimportant stuff.”

“You like taking photos?” Kibum almost jumped from his seat when he turned to face Eunsook completely.

“Just for fun. I love looking back to all the pictures I took while traveling. Give me lots of nice nostalgic feeling and of course a smooth slap on my head to work harder earning more money for the next trip.”

He cracks to her words, “That is actually hella true. May I see the camera?”

“Of course, Mr. Photographer.”

She smiles so bright while handing the camera, Kibum flustered involuntarily turned his ears all crimson red, “You always use 35mm film?”

He lifted the analog camera a bit.

“Mostly. Or Polaroid. One time I had the 120mm camera but nowadays it’s so hard to find the film.”

“Oh, you have no idea. It’s also freaking hard to find a place that can develop it. Tried to do it by myself, but I ruined it. There it goes all my memory in Hongkong. Gone in flash.”

Kibum cursed himself for convincing himself that Eunsook is the only girl in the world that makes a frown look that beautiful and amazing on a face. Before he embarrassed himself, he checked the camera again in his hand.

“By the way, this is nice camera. My friend had another type from the same brand. Where did you get this?”

“Actually, I bought it accidentally. It was from Porto. We were lost when tried to go back to the hostel and we found this street while wandering around with my friends.”

“Porto? As in Portugal?” she nods, “AH! I know that place! They sell cheap black and white films!”

“You really are a photographer, aren’t you?”

She cannot help but teasing when Kibum got so excited just on the thought of knowing the place she found the treasure. At this rate, not only his ears that rushed by blood.

“Only when I need money to pay my rent.”

“Hahaha!” she slapped his forearm lightly, he flinched silently, “And what brings you here?”

“We just finished a session with local teens. They’re quite having this too-cool-for-school attitude but fashion spread’s always interesting, isn’t it, Miss Designer?”

Eunsook secretly took out her imaginary good-deeds-book. Wits and jokes, checked.

“Anyhow, what are you doing after this?”

“Hmmm, nothing.”

“Fancy grabbing some sweets?”

“What kind of sweet?”

The way her eyes almost popped out her skull brighten Kibum’s day faster than when he received the first print of his magazine, “Pancake, waffle, crepe, anything you prefer as long as it can help with my sugar level.”

“Pancake sounds good.”

“Pancake it is! Let’s go!”

Kibum made a mistake almost embraced her by the shoulder then quietly pretending to push her to walk faster before the circumstance became more awkward.

Her phone beeps once again, she shook her head when she caught a text message arrived on the screen.

‘Eunsook, are you alright? Seems like the vacation is really great, am I right?’

This time she didn’t wait anymore.

‘Indeed, it’s the best summer escapade! I’m okay, by the way.’

***

“I told you not to touch her!”

Kibum massaged the back of his neck for the ten times, too tired for this silly confrontation.

“So, you said it’d better if I just left her alone there at the café while it was drenched outside instead of offering her a ride?”

“I’m tired of your excuse, you sweet mouth! You should hadn’t dragged her to the café at the first place!”

“I’m the one who tired of your accusation! For God’s sake, Kim Junghee! I was just being nice! We lived under the same roof and I’m not allowed to cheer up someone I know who looked upset?”

“Not with such an agenda behind!”

“What kind of agenda are you talking about?!”

“Oh, don’t you dare testing me!” Kibum’s jaw dropped a few centimeter, disbelief with the whole sentence he just heard, “If you’re just being nice, you take her home right away after both of you finished your afternoon snack!”

“That’s the plan! But she said she needs more films for her camera! Am I wrong if I offered to accompany her looking for some?”

“Ha! You just saw your chance to slide in! What a little sneaky head!”

Kibum restrained himself not to raise his voice, he just didn’t want Minho finished his shower and found his best friend yelling to his wife.

“Look. It was raining. I offered her a ride to go back. She asked if I knew a place to buy films! I drove her there and it was still freaking rain. I got called by the people at work on the way. I said I’d get drop her off first at home before I headed to the studio. She said she could grab a taxi. Since I considered it’s not polite to let her do that, I asked her to come with me. That’s it!”

Junghee stomped on the kitchen floor so hard, “You could just drive her first!!!! You have no idea how stressful I was when I couldn’t contact her?!?!”

“Who knows her phone was dead?! She didn’t say anything to me! Had I know I would give her my phone to call or text you! At any rate, if she did find it necessary, she would ask me to make that damned call!”

“Stop it right there, it’s not Eunsook’s fault!”

“Neither mine!” he rolled his tongue inside his mouth trying to control himself, “I know she’s your best friend, Junghee, but she’s not a kid! She’s a grown up and let her be one!”

“Don’t talk like you know her!”

His fist getting harder on his side, “I didn’t. Look. I know you care about her. A lot. I understand. I’m aware that she’s somehow became more vulnerable after everything happened, but you shouldn’t treat her like this! She took the flight here to heal herself if you kept hogging her, when will she be able to heal?”

Kibum got his point but Junghee is too busy protecting her friend she doesn’t even try to swallow all the words from him.

“I don’t need you lecturing me how I treat my friend! Just.. just keep your hand away from her!”

“What if I refuse?”

“What did you just said?!”

Kibum hesitated to say something more, so he just stood there, lips sealed together, his eyes drilling a hole through the air. Junghee flustered and doesn’t know what to do, she expected him to give some counter attack harsher than before. Not a serious answer like that.

“Listen, leave her alone or I would never speak to you again!”

She left him standing by the island counter and paced to her room upstairs. When she passed Eunsook who just went back inside the house after called her partner in Milan at the porch, she purposely darted her eyes away. The latter confused but knowing that her best friend has such a temper, she decided to let it go.

A small smile formed on her face when she saw Kibum’s by the kitchen.

“Is everything alright?” Kibum turned his head and just shrugged, “Kibum?”

Eunsook sensed something’s wrong by the flat expression on his face.

“Nothing.”

She’s the least person he wanted to encounter at the second, he tried to avoid her but the look she gave him just made everything more uncomfortable.

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty much.”

“Hmm.. I don’t think so.”

“No, really.”

“Come on, you can talk about it.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not.”

“Eunsook, I’m okay. Let’s just shake it off, I’m tired.”

He told her the truth, actually. Kibum’s just exhausted and he needs his time to compose himself after the heated conversation with Junghee.

“What’s wrong with you? Is Junghee okay?”

“Why don’t you just ask your best friend, huh? She’s the one who started! Why should I am the one who feel guilty here?!”

It seems like that was his final giveaway. His pitched showed up, startling Eunsook a little bit. The stern look he put is not making it easier for her. Inside, Kibum wants to kick himself on the shin for being such an asshole just now, helpless under the invisible spell Eunsook sent him.

And feels guilty he is, indeed. She had nothing to do and he just exploded ridiculously in front of her. So he dropped the glass he hold to the sink recklessly, the loud clank on its metal surface dropped a frown on Eunsook’s face, and just went to his room, leaving strange stagnant on the air for her.

Confused and a little disappointed, Eunsook just swallowed back all the sentences she prepared to thank him for the nice afternoon they shared.

***

Thirty minutes passed with Kibum paced back and forth behind his closed door. Sometimes he sat at the edge of his bed, tapped his foot on the floor restlessly, and stood up again, repeating the monotonous anxiety attack.

Seriously, he felt awful not only because he snapped on a girl that supposed to be his current major crush until this morning, but also because he realized how helpless he was in front of the girl. And all those feeling had taken him sunken deep on ocean of guilty.

Junghee might be right, the way he treated Eunsook just now could cause huge mess. This is the first time since almost forever Kibum does care about his image in front of other. Suddenly he’s afraid she might think he’s the biggest jerk on earth who had this hot and cold attitude, once a very nice and kind guy then yell on her face for something she didn’t even know just for the reason he lose control on stupid stuffs.

He doesn’t want that.

“Why are you so stupid, Kim Kibum…”

He threw himself on the mattress and kept staring on the ceiling for solid ten minutes before he jolted to the door, took one deep breath, and carefully pushed it forward.

The living room is empty, leaving only small aquarium at the corner being the source of light. However, when looked across the room, dim light seeped through small gap between the floor and the door of Eunsook’s room.

She’s still awake.

“Eunsook?”

The soft knock on the door didn’t reciprocate. The drumroll banging inside his chest became louder each second passed in silent.

“Lee Eunsook? Can I come in?”

He waited again but nothing happened.

Is she mad at me? Shit.

Various scenarios flashed on his mind and not any single of it makes him comfortable. He might regret it later, but his guts are so much makes sense more than anything.

Slowly he opened the door, but the scene welcomes him is way more unpredictable.

On her bed, Eunsook’s sleeping like a five years old, blanket tucked until her chin and hair splattered here and there but somehow framed her soft jaw as if someone did it on purpose. And Kibum, Kibum just stiffen right on the threshold, hand glued to the handle.

How come a girl can turn someone defenseless without doing anything?

She just breathes, her shoulder moves in a slow rhythm. Kibum knew he’s crazy but he swear in such distance he can see how her eyelashes intertwined each other hiding the beautiful eyes she had, kissed her cheeks in silent melody. If he had camera in his hand, he would had already taken hundreds picture of her sleeping.

Creepy, he knows.

But in Kibum justification, everyone should be creepy once in a while when they’re in love, shouldn’t they?

Ah. In love?

Kibum gripped his chest for a moment and decided to turn of the light before he closed the door cautiously.

“Forget it, Kim Kibum..”

***

Chapter 3

#onkey #jinkibum #eunsook #kibum #onkey fiction #onkey fanfic #onkey scenario #shinee fanfic #shinee fiction #shinee scenario #eunsook fanfic #eunsook scenario #bumsook fiction #bumsook #shinee #onew #key

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xnxadultstore · 4 years

Text

Foodie Coloring Books

Completely thrilled with the Foodie’s Colouring guide and what a terrific concept!

I obtain a lot of coloring books like this however not often do I get so excited once I begin going via the pages. I’m a Foodie and a Coloring Book Addict so the 2 passions in a single place are good. First, you get enjoyable and fanciful foodie footage to paint in, all with a singular model clearly hand-drawn, none of this throw it collectively in Photoshop stuff. Next, you get pages with quotes from notable Foodies like Julia Child to paint in and hilarious footage, a favourite is an octopus with totally different cooking utensils in all eight of his “hands” I simply acquired this yesterday and usually I wait to do a evaluate however not so with this guide.

As if the enjoyable footage to paint weren’t sufficient, within the heart of this guide are some wildly YUMMY wanting sweets photographs with the recipe included. I believe I gained weight simply them however will probably be heading to the shop for substances at the moment!

The footage are one-sided so no issues with bleed via. There can also be a enjoyable quiz to seek out out simply HOW a lot of a wild Foodie YOU are.

“Everyone knows a foodie or is a foodie themselves. Foodies love good food, good company, and sharing the tastes and flavors of a well-cooked dish. In The Foodie’s Colouring Book, foodies can rejoice and relax as they colour in a variety of food-themed images, take the foodie quiz, laugh at the foodie alphabet, and join the adult colouring book craze sweeping the world. For mindfulness or just for fun, The Foodie’s Colouring Book also includes a bonus cookbook section with sweet recipes to cook at home. Colour, cook, create!”

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We had been thrilled to have the ability to get slightly one on one time with the illustrator of the Foodie Colouring Book Haylea Bridle.

What do you get pleasure from drawing probably the most

I very a lot loved the problem of drawing meals I wouldn’t usually draw. Oysters for instance, I need to say, had been by no means on the prime of my to-do checklist, nevertheless I believe I can now say if ‘Oyster Anatomy; an intimate glance’ occurred to be a subject at pub trivia, I’d be going residence with the meat tray.

How did you get began?

By testing my dad and mom’ persistence as a toddler. Things had been drawn on that shouldn’t have been drawn on, utilizing issues that shouldn’t have been used to attract with. I referred to as it my ‘experimental phase’, my dad and mom’ referred to as it their ‘blue phase’.

Who or what has impressed you?

For this guide, breakfast, lunch and dinner (aaand the various snacks in between) turned edible inspiration. Humble snack expeditions to the fridge started to take slightly longer because it reworked into 5 cabinets of (at some instances, decomposing) reference. A mere sandwich was by no means escorted to my mouth with no notepad as witness.I’ve a spatially inconvenient behavior of amassing massive quantities of youngsters’s image books, from which I additionally draw nice inspiration. A truth the shelving part of my native IKEA can attest to. Some discover inspiration in Tolstoy; I discover inspiration in Toy Story

.Do you want to paint in your designs or choose to have others do this? Others! I coloured within the cowl for The Foodies Coloring Book, and I can say at that time limit, I used to be experiencing little or no therapeutic profit that coloring in is thought for, figuring out that each line rebelling pencil stroke could be on present! As these illustrations had been created with the intent of being black and white, there’s nothing higher than seeing somebody breathe new life into them with colour.

What provides (manufacturers) do you advocate on your guide(s)? My favorite colored pencils are by a model referred to as LYRA. They are so lovely to carry, it makes you by no means wish to decide up anything once more. They are smudge-proof and waterproof too, particularly useful for these prone to a celebrational weep as soon as completed colouring!

This illustration and quote simply cracked me up.. Check out the Melons Dolly Parton is holding!

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We additionally wish to know what the guide publishers have in retailer for colorists so we did a brief Q&A with them as nicely. Hopefully, the coloring “craze” is a good way for extra individuals to find and profit this fashion.

The Coloring Book pattern doesn’t appear to be slowing down.. if something it’s selecting up within the US with increasingly more artistic and distinctive concepts for individuals to attach with. The posterzines the writer spoke of earlier than can be found too with “The Foodie’s Colouring Posters” that includes 2 big posters and three small posters. What enjoyable for a restaurant opening or a potluck get together.

These books are additionally out there on the Book Depository presumably with much less postage so examine there as nicely. I’ll be coloring on this guide very quickly and sharing my outcomes and ideas in regards to the paper on the social media channels so be anticipating that, and by chance I acquired a set of Lyra Colored Pencils for Christmas so I’ll be making an attempt these out first since they had been prompt by the illustrator.

All these concerned with this coloring guide would like it if you happen to use the hashtags #foodiescolouring #foodiescoloring or #foodiescolouringbook if you colour in a web page to allow them to see their creations dropped at life by the colorists on the market.

Funny Foodie Coloring Books for Adults

Suck My Cookbook: Clean Recipes for Dirty Minds

A Coloring Book by Cherrie Poppins (Author),‎ Wild Billy (Illustrator) Suck my Cookbook has all of it. Naughtily intelligent illustrations that match up with the recipes. You not solely have coloring to do, there are additionally phrase search, crossword puzzles and extra to maintain you busy. This could be a PERFECT White Elephant present trade present in case your group has humorousness in addition to the foodie in your present checklist. I’m thrilled the writer despatched me a number of copies, I’ve already discovered properties for them and might’t wait to see what my buddies do with them.

Click to order Amazon US, UK & Canada or Book Depository

Severe Snacks Coloring Book

This guide is lovable and excellent for somebody that prefers humorous and entertaining over intensely detailed coloring. Each of those illustrations is hand achieved, no computer-generated artwork right here. Prepare your self to paint in all your favourite snacks- from a healthful, vicious apple to candy, but evil toaster pastries- attacking each other with glee and abandon. *Warning- comprises snack-on-snack violence. May trigger laughter and abdomen rumblings! Click to Order Amazon US, UK or Canada

Taco Life: A Spicy Adult Coloring Book

Spiral-bound, printed on one aspect with 76 pages, the enjoyable coloring guide with it’s “Ode to Taco’s” theme will hold you laughing the entire manner via. You will ‘colour your manner via this snarky Taco-obsessed guide stuffed with pages of one-liners all taco devourers can get pleasure from. Oh, and a few recommendation. This guide is finest served with…you guessed it. Tacos.” How enjoyable!

Click to Order Amazon US, UK & Canada

Southern Living Celebrations Cakes: A Lifestyle Coloring Book

I just lately noticed this coloring guide within the Target journal part and thought it was a superb concept, combining two of my favourite issues! Coloring and fabulous desserts. Each web page has a cake to paint and on the alternative web page the recipe for the cake. Click to Order Amazon US, UK or Canada

Delicious Whimsey Coloring Book

31 fun-to-color, mouthwatering phrase designs. Unique and playful illustrations characteristic the shapes of meals gadgets fashioned by quite a lot of associated phrases. Images embrace an ice cream cone, pancakes, pizza, cupcake, hamburger, fries, and extra. Pages are perforated and printed on one aspect just for straightforward elimination and show. Click to Order Amazon US, UK or Canada

A Cozy Coloring Cookbook – 40 Simple Recipes to Cook Eat and Color

Drawing inspiration from her lovely weblog A Cozy Kitchen, cookbook writer and meals blogger Adrianna Adarme has created an grownup coloring cookbook with 40 glad, cozy, and attractive recipes and illustrations—together with pizza for breakfast and kaleidoscope ratatouille tarts Click to Order Amazon US, UK or Canada

The Great British Bakeoff Coloring

Book Color your manner via 90 lovely illustrations of your favourite bakes by the official Bake-Off illustrator, Tom Hovey. Forget the recipe, take off these oven gloves and unleash your inventive aptitude — enhance showstopping truffles and bakes while the strain’s actually off.

Designer Desserts

From Creative Haven, greater than 30 unique, mouthwatering cake and cupcake designs let everybody be a part of within the enjoyable. Pages are perforated and printed on one aspect just for straightforward elimination and show.

Life is Delicious a spiral-bound Coloring Cafe guide

These 45 pleasant coloring pages drawn by the gifted artist, Ronnie Walter, will take you from the kitchen to the desk too, however with out all of the clean-up.

Coloring Books for Wine Lovers and Cocktail Fans

Color Your Cocktails by the Martini Diva

Stir and shake up some coloring and cocktail enjoyable with cocktails like “You’ll SHOOTER You’re Eye Out!”, “It’s All About MEmosa!” and classics just like the Daiquiri, Gin Martini, and Pina Colada. Have enjoyable following the Martini Diva on Instagram right here. She additionally has some holiday-themed cocktails books to play in:

Wine Time Coloring Book

This guide is designed for these colorists preferring easier designs and love wine. 30 one-sided pages by Rachel Jones stuffed with wine and whimsey.

Click to Order Amazon US – UK – Canada & Book Depository

Wine Time 2 – Whimsical Refreshments

Click to Order Amazon US – UK – Canada & Book Depository

If you might be new to coloring or simply wish to dive in slightly deeper you should definitely learn our expansive provide suggestions together with our ideas and tips articles.

*How to Get Started with Adult Coloring Best Colored Pencils *Best Gel Pens *Best Markers that Don’t Bleed Through the Paper * Background Supplies *Coloring Tutorials *13 Tips & Tricks for Colorists

You may also be a part of our Coloring Book Addict Facebook Group Here.

The post Foodie Coloring Books appeared first on XNX Adult Store.

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a-rat-and-a-blob · 7 years

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Drabble Arch: Hatching Potion - Hidden Away

The house was somewhat contaminated that day. People around the neighborhood had to leave. A gas leak my parents' said. They were escorted out like everyone else. Well, everyone else but the big talking green blob in a hidden basement. Minute by minute, hour by hour, the stomping of feet above me made me shudder, feeling the urge to hide in a loose pipe or crack. I already had the door closed off so they wouldn't know anything suspicious and I overheard that they've found the location of the leak, but the possibility was still there. Well, at least my parents are safe.

I quietly sat on my bed and looked at the files again. I took the map out, the one with the marks of Twitch's domain. The killer that ruined the H.I.V.E. convention and destroyed so many innocents was the one I left unscathed. The paper shakes in my hand as I tried to process this. The memories as I gaze at the map. The gas suffocating.... The bodies leaking.. The screams piercing... The radio screaming... and now he left, planning to do it all over again. He left with arrows that even he supplied him with. I lay myself on my bed, map on my face, as I groan in disgust in my actions. I had him. He was right there, in front of my flashlight. I could've attacked first. Killed him. It wouldn't be a fantastic sight, but it was still saving someone. Save all those in the future. Avenges everyone that died to the little rat! Dad wouldn't even been mad about the rifle being thrown in the water. Why was I so stupid? Why was I so naive!? My dad's words still repeated in my head. "Sometimes.. we need to make those actions," I repeated as I took the map from my face and glared at the poster full of dreams and fantasies.

The ceiling being to rumble with how much stomping there was. Above me, the banging became imminent. I had to get out of here, even if mom said that it was too dangerous. I can't be some gift wrapped up in a pretty bow for them. They're supposed to check all of the pipes for this "gas leak". I quickly go to my open pipe and look to see if there's a way out through here. Sadly everything's blown open.. I quickly got out and look around as they feverishly examine this side of the house. I look to the restroom quickly and ran in. The toilet was a sickly dark green color.. Well I can't get sick. Sigh. Here goes! I jump into the toilet and flush myself down the drain.

The toxic water rushes through me as I move and slide into the cramped pipes of Zaun. The pushing became too much. I couldn't control my position. I twist and turn as gravity began to do its work. As I went down, I heard loud creaks and cracks as I went down. Suddenly the size of the pipe grows bigger and bigger and bigger until finally...

SPLASH!

I fall headfirst into the sewage. The rushing behind me stops as I scramble back up to the surface. I swim faster and faster until I could breathe air. Everything was dark. I could barely see the shadow of my hand. I trudge through to the ridge of the tunnel where ground was. I jump up and writhed violent to get all of the toxins out. Well... guess I'm gonna be grounded. Now.. where's the way out of here?

I tried to walk around the sewers, probing around to see something familiar. I'm hoping that it was in a familiar route that I was on when I was searching for Twitch, but everything was shadows to me, and zaun was a great big place. He couldn't have gone that far down though. He just.. had to stick with the walls and move. Just.. go up. That's all I have to do. Just go up..

Hours have passed as I made my ascent to nothingness. Or was it hours? Usually the bell would signify that... All of the pipes were complete mazes to me. I've never been through any of them. They weren't like air vents and the like. They go up and down and left and right. Water always rushes through them, making it sluggish to go through. Oh.. What can I do? There has to be some way out.. There has to be.

I walk on the humid concrete, ignoring the instances of excrement that I have stepped on. I had better things to worry about. Gotta keep a happy face for this.. Step. Squish. Step. Splat. Step. Crackle. Crackle? Huh? I look underneath my feet. It was a large note, all folded up and everything. There was no way it could've been made accidentally..

I quickly look at the shadows one more time, imagining the entire scene. The pillars were there. The wall. Twitch was once behind him. Only one thing could confirm it..

I quickly stretched my hand into the water. No gun. He was still lost.

I sigh loudly as I quickly took the note and opened it. It was all in large green crayon. I took it close to my face to read the fine print.

"Dear Goopy One,

I thank you for tribute. You're the first of many! Ammo like these aren't easy to come by.. Twitch placed a book for you since you liked my stories. They don't have anything about me though! I worked hard on them, and its great someone has taste! Now... hopefully you'll give Twitch better stuff next time..

However, you're not surface. You may say it, but you're not surface. Why do you side with them?

Sincerely, your ruler, Twitch."

I look back at where I found the letter and grab the book. It was sticky with wrinkled papers. I opened it slowly and felt the pages. Seemed like he was writing ferociously on this one. Pressed hard on the page. I could feel the words on the paper, but can barely make them out. I was surprised. He did this for me? My skin began to heat up slightly at the offer. It was very rare for him to receive gifts like this. No matter how poorly done it was. I look to where I thought I once saw Twitch. No one would be down here. "Twitch?" I said in the darkness. Twitch!?" I shout, more loudly. I listen carefully. The bugs began to skitter around, notifying their master. "Twitch!!??" I shout.

After a couple of minutes, I saw Twitch quickly show himself. He recognized my voice and slowly approached me. I could barely make out his shadow. "Oh! Twitch! I.. I.. need help.."

"Goopy One! Did you call me to join my side!" he squeaked.

"Uh.. no. I'm just lost here. Can you.. can you help me out? I.. got your note."

Twitch growls. "Grrr... then answer my question then! On the note!" he shouts, stomping around. "Why.. why join them? You're not surface.. I.. I know surface! You're not.."

"Because.. Because they raised me. They took me in pal. They showed me food.. a nice home.. love. I just wish I can say the same to you.. but it doesn't have to be that way all the time," I replied. No response came from him. "What'cha got there?" I asked, nodding to Twitch's arm deep in a pocket.

"Huh? None of your business! Just.. just your ingredients! I can make another one.."

I step forward. "Well... it ain't easy. Let me tell you that. The surface you keep talking about, they never made me. How about.. you let me help. I think I have some ideas on what I'm made of."

"You'll.. you'll give me that..?" Twitch stuttered in amazement. "That information?"

"I can only make guesses.. but I can help. Shouldn't be that hard. I'm just ooze after all. Only if you help me get out. Promise?" I lend out a hand. Twitch shudders at the gesture. He was scared. Someone's willing to help. His Goopy One was willing to come back, and he was scared, but he knew of the bones and the experiments. Twitch slowly raised his hand to mine.

"If this is a trick.."

"I don't think I'm smart enough to trick buddy. Especially not to you, heh."

Twitch smiled as he quickly grasped the hand and pulled me towards the lair, leading me out of the dark isolated tunnel. He began to mutter excitedly about his numerous plans, mixing and shaking, blending and testing, expecting this to be his best project. After that, I came home hopeful, with a wilted book in my hand.

#ic #ZAC #Twitch #Drabble Arch: Hatching Potion #Drabble Arch End #1437 words #I'm sorry if this was bad at the end #Though.. hint: Darkness represents something

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booklust · 7 years

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If the rumors are true that print is dying, then we’re in a zombie apocalypse. Booklr and the self-designated online community of book lovers, as well as publishing professionals and the more dismal-minded of authors, have been predicting the death of print culture for years. Yet it persists, with physical books still outselling e-books by a hugely significant margin. Zine fairs, DIY publishing, and small publishers creating beautiful physical copies are popping up everywhere in my feeds and in the culture, and I’m excited about it. If anything, the intensification of the digital realm has increased the demand--and need--for print publications. They complement each other in ways that no one (or at least, of other non-tech-native generations....no shade dad) could have predicted.

It’s appropriate that the first interview in the series is with the Road Virus, a horror-genre-and-queer-focused mobile bookstore currently traveling the United States. I came across the Road Virus in the digital realm, where we followed each others’ writing. We hit it off right away, because we both have telephone anxiety and have a passion for the non-hierarchical, accessible future of literary culture. Sade and I had a conversation on G-Chat about what it’s like to run a mobile bookstore, Stephen King, accessibility in book culture, how libraries can save lives, and the future of lit. Check it out below:

So first off--thanks so much for your time/agreeing to this interview! I'm super stoked about the Road Virus and everything it's about. Absolutely, and again––thanks so much for doing this interview project in the first place. I definitely feel like now, more than ever, the world needs a good strong focus on things with a literary bent. The best part is that we're the ones writing, in realtime, the history of our own culture.

Give me your elevator pitch for the Road Virus--except the elevator is broken, so you have more time than you thought.

The Road Virus is a time-tested dream come true. Born out of displeasure with the stasis of ordinary living, my best friend Em and I decided that we wanted to open a bookstore. Books and literature have been in our bloodstreams since before anything else really mattered, so we decided to make that a tangible reality.

Unfortunately, since things in life are so uncertain, opening a brick-and-mortar store just didn't seem feasible. So, we decided on the next best thing––we bought a bus and converted it into a half-RV home, half-mobile bookstore. Lucking out with an ex bookmobile, we decided to focus on fringe genres such as horror, sci-fi, subversive graphic novels and comics, erotica, fantasy, and so on––both due to our limited space and our own inherent interests.

We plan to visit even the most remote parts of the US––and someday beyond––with the concept in mind that a lot of places don't have access to the kind of wares we're totting.

Now, I imagine the elevator creaking, hitching––giving us a fleeting hope––and then plummeting down the shaft. We're probably fine. ------------------------------ keep reading below -------------------------------

How did you and Em meet to form this dynamic duo of traveling booksellers?

We met by the grace of a mutual friend. A night out drinking in one of the darkest and dingiest bars in the world led to a weirdly cohesive and whirlwind friendship. After discovering our shared love and obsession with books and bookstores, we came around to discussing the idea of opening and running our own. We ended up taking a pretty much spur-of-the-moment trip to Tokyo; something about that trip set reality in motion and things ended up happening so fast that I still look back on it and wonder if it wasn't all just a dream.

Is the name the Road Virus inspired by the Stephen King short story?

It certainly is. With our main focus being on horror and all things related, we felt like we needed a name which not only reflected the contents of our shelves, but also our goal.

In the story, the Road Virus is a car owned by an interdimensional killer; it travels across the US, leaving a swath of death and destruction in its wake. Less on the murder-y side for us, we see it as a way of spreading knowledge––which, of course, can be one of the deadliest and most destructive tools of all. The story, which first appeared in the anthology 999––edited by Al Sarrantonio, this book has been one of my most prized possessions since childhood––has always stood out to me; when we were kicking around ideas for names, The Road Virus was one of the first I jotted down. It came back, and it stuck.

Also, when I saw that your name was the Road Virus, I couldn't help but connect the resilience of the killer painting in the story with what you both are doing for print literature---in a positive, not at all murderous way--that bookstores are closing down, and people proclaim that print lit is dying, but the Road Virus is an active example of print literature's resilience against all odds. With that in mind---what would you say to people who claim that print lit is dying? and what pushed you to start the Road Virus at this moment in time?

I really enjoy the emphasis we're both putting on this totally not being a murder thing at all, whatsoever.

To those who say that print lit is dying, that books are obsolete, that the internet is the only way to acquire new information and fiction, I say: barring the physical process of a body shutting down and decomposing, something can only truly die if you allow it to. As long as there is at least one person publishing a book or zine and one person reading it, the concepts and idealism and spirit of print lit will survive and thrive.

Yes! It's so important to me that you connect physical, print lit with physical bodies. The power of print literature is that it creates physical community in a way that digital can't do alone. And physically showing up for something you care about can, and will, keep it alive.

Absolutely. Something that people need to remember now more than ever is that we have the ability to influence anything and everything. There is always a light in the dark, and we always have the choice to make something of ourselves and our surroundings. We are not powerless. For people like us, books have always been an escape, but they're also so much more: calling cards, symbols of power, beacons of hope tying groups together and ripping old systems apart.

Literacy is an extremely important thing to both of us––Em, as you said, is a former librarian, and I myself basically learned all I know from books. Libraries and bookstores were like second homes to us as kids––and sometimes, more so a first home to me personally. I dropped out of school at a very early age and attribute the majority of my ability to comprehend the world around me to the free, open-access presence of libraries. I come from a non-academic background, and Em comes from one of thorough education-oriented leanings; this combination suits us to a t.

The idea that they're dying out and being defunded saddens us greatly, and we feel the need to bring back those concepts to the forefront.

Mutually, we wanted this to be a bookselling venture so that we can sustain ourselves through the trade itself; however, we definitely felt the need to interweave the free and open-source aspect of libraries. We're still working out the avenues of providing reading lessons, and have quite a few ideas in mind for things like free movie nights and author readings. What's being on the road like? Where have you been, and do you have any weird stories/interesting encounters?

Living in San Francisco, we've been very fortunate to have some amazing haunts. I think we owe a lot of our inspiration for The Road Virus to our favorite daily stop, Aardvark Books on the historic Church St.

Actually, we've been drydocked, so to speak. Our goodly vessel has been parked at a friend's about an hour northeast of SF for over a month now; we've been living on the bus full time while we've been renovating and preparing for permanent life on the road. We also unfortunately ran into some issues with the electrical system, which is being taken care of this week.

Regardless, we're both pretty nomadic people, and we can't wait to officially take off. I can say that driving the bus back to the buildsite was a hell of a trip.

Before we got her, Jolene––our name for the bus––lived a quiet life in Kansas City, MO. We flew in and were planning on driving her back in 2-3 days. This, as it turned out, was absolutely impossible. It ended up taking a week, and was rife with complications; we broke down numerous times, ended up sleeping in the uninsulated bus in -20 degree weather, and had endless scares on the road. Driving through the midwest was like traveling through a different world. I don't think I've been stared at that much in my entire life, except maybe in Tokyo (I'm covered in tattoos, piercings, etc.).

The drive back over the CA state line was like something out of a dream––more a nightmare, maybe. We drove into one of the worst rainstorms I think I've ever seen, to the point where cars were sliding all over the road, trucks were going 20mph on the highway, and vehicles our size were actually barred from driving any farther at a certain point, so we were all lined up on the side of the highway for hours. This was on about 36 hours of no sleep. As far as fun stories on the road, in my experience they are many and not-so-far in between; we'll have plenty to share once we really get going, I'm sure. Driving through the snow-covered Rockies in a 32' bus when neither of us had driven anything larger than a UHAUL truck was certainly one for the books.

Lastly, in a quick semi-tweet-length: How do envision the future of literature?

Futurelit, the Tweetening: Though ink may run, pages may yellow, & screens may flicker–the world of lit will forever reinvent itself, thriving in the face of adversity. xxxxxxxxx Follow the Road Virus everywhere:

(Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat) @roadvirusbus Communicables: http://theroadvirus.com/blog

Reading Is Infectious (book subscription service) (http://shop.theroadvirus.com). A book in the genre of your choice delivered to your door every month.

#the road virus #road virus bus #booklust #futurelit #lit #interview #horror #queer #bookmobile #publishing #jolene #public libraries #zombies #booklr #spilled ink

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dariusrufus-blog · 7 years

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Lucky Ones

Tagging: Camilo & Niko Location: NYC Pride Parade, Manhattan Time Frame: Sunday, June 25, 2017 General Notes: Nikolai and Camilo get to know each other more

Camilo was nervous. He didn’t want to ruin this event for Nikolai especially after being told how important it was for him. Truth of the matter was that Camilo feared there would be someone that would try to act up leaving him no choice but to lash out. He had been avoiding large crowds for that very reason. If this was going to be their first outing as whatever they were, Camilo didn’t want to show Nikolai a side of him he preferred remained hidden. He ran his hand through his hair one last time in front of the bathroom mirror of the event space before making his way towards where his future fiance had told him he’d be. After a few minutes of looking around, Camilo caught Niko but noticed he was working. A smile pulled at his lips as he watched and he quickly looked away, opting to assist a woman that was carrying some boxes. “Here.Let me help.” He followed her to where they needed to be stacked up and when he turned around, the blonde he had come here for was before his eyes. “Hey.” He chuckled slightly nervous and stuffed his hands into his jean pockets. “I made it. As promised. How can I help?”

Nikolai recognized that voice, turning on his heels just in time to see his fiance shuffling boxes around. He knew that his coworkers were following his gaze, their eyes moving between Camilo and the growing smile on the blonde’s face, but he couldn’t have cared less.;“ Hey.“ He echoed, voice easily giving away his excitement. The crowd was filing in around them, the sound system crackling to life.“ Absolutely nothing. I’m technically off the clock unless they page me in,“ ( He did a lot of the behind the scenes stuff; scheduling performers, making sure things got printed, creating ribbons, etc etc. ) “ So we’re free to have fun. – That’s okay, right? I mean, if you’d rather work I’m sure we could shove you in with the volunteers. “ He teased.

Camilo could feeleveryone’s gaze burning into them and it was almost laughable. Did they want a show? Camilo could do shows. “Hey.” he repeated himself and looked around as others went back to their designated assignments. A soft laugh escaped his lips and he leaned in to whisper into Nikolai’s ear, “I think we’re being watched. Just putting it out there. I have suspicions.” He pulled back with a smirk and then cleared his throat, sliding his hand into Nikolai’s and threading their fingers together.”Yes. That’s totally okay. Actually, I was hoping you’d be off the clock so you can show me around? This is actually my first Pride as embarrassing as it sounds. I just never got around to it and my friends in school were lame and I’m one of those people that can’t do events by myself. God, I’m just a winner aren’t I?” He laughed and looked over to his fiance. “I saw a couple of protesters out there. If they give you any trouble, you’ll let me know, right?” He wanted this event to run smoothly for Nikolai and his co-workers. Camilo didn’t have the patience nor the creativity to pull something like this off so he respected them for what they were doing. Those protesters needed to find somewhere else to spread their hate.

Nikolai’s heart stalled as Camilo leaned into him, so close that he could feel the boy’s breath on his skin. “O-Oh?” He asked, playing dumb. Most of his coworkers had already sat through the whole ‘I met my match and he’s adorable’ story at least two times. They were probably just amused and curious to see the face that their little Niko was apparently so fond of. Feeling Camilo’s hand in his, the taller boy couldn’t help but to give his future fiance a look that screamed ‘is this okay?’, because frankly, he wasn’t sure. His face felt warm, eyes purposely avoiding all of his friends and instead staying on Camilo. “That’s not embarrassing. A lot of people don’t get to go until their older or, ya know, confident enough and all that. .” Unconsciously, he gave the other’s hand a little squeeze as he spoke. The idea of protesters causing trouble and making everyone uncomfortably, frankly, made Nikolai feel the slightest bit sick. This was meant to be safe and fun.. and he couldn’t deal with that many people being awful at once. “Yeah.” He managed, before trying to swiftly change the topic. “Will do. – Let’s, uh, let’s do something yeah? Where do you want to start?”

Camilo couldn’t believe how adorable he found Nikolai to be. They had met once, talked on the phone a couple of times here and there and sent each other goofy texts and just like that, he found himself smiling more and looking forward to the next text message. Why everyone was so hell bent on making the worst out of this marriage situation was beyond him but for now, Camilo had nothing to complain about. A part of him–that pragmatic side of him–made him wonder if it was all too good to be true. For that, he had his mother to blame, always instilling doubt into him when things were too happy. She wasn’t awful or anything like that but she was afraid to dream unlike his dad and often Camilo found himself struggling between being one or the other. WIth Nikolai however, he was genuinely carefree and he enjoyed it too much to overthink it now. Catching the reaction on his fiance’s face, Camilo reassured him with a soft smile before giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “You have a way of making me feel less self conscious about things by the way. First complement of the day. There are probably more where that came from.” He nodded, taking note of the change in subject but keeping those protesters in mind just in case. “Um. Well…show me where the live music sets up. Can you get that close? Do you have like VIP backstage passes or something? Please stop me, I know I sound like a dork but I have no idea what I’m doing. Also…the floats. Show me the floats. Anything to get you to myself honestly. That’s all I want right now.”

Nikolai genuinely liked being around Camilo. Everyone at work simply said that it was because they were still in their ‘honeymoon’ phase, that the idea of being together was still so new and because they got along so swimmingly, the whole deal was just blown up. The younger hardly believed that this was a phase though, soon to blow over once reality settled in and soon they’d be just as bitter as everyone else involved with the law. But Niko refused to believe it. He refused to think that all of these happy feelings would just vanish at the drop of a hat come their wedding day. “Careful, too many of those and my ego will swell. “ He replied, easily returning the boy’s gentle smile. “Both of those can easily be arranged. My pass will get us in wherever you like- backstage included.” He did his best to play off the fact that he’d just said that he wanted to be alone with Nikolai, ignoring how nice that sounded to him as well. Just the two of them alone together. – The activist waved his friends goodbye and began to lead the way. Toward the source of all the noise and static were the mics were going through their final tests.

Camilo looked down at their joined hands and smiled to himself mostly. What was this feeling? It was too easy but he was thankful for it. All the concerns he had of Nikolai not liking him or thinking he was too distant or too strange melted away the moment they began talking the other night and since then, they haven’t been able to stop. Each conversation was a new topic on their upbringing, their lives, the things they enjoyed doing or just run of the mill, trivial things. If Camilo was being honest with himself,he’d say he was impressed by it all. “I’m gonna have to be careful then. Limit you to three compliments per day maybe.” He chuckled, following him towards the stage and listening to the other intently. He was in such awe of what he had learned about Nikolai’s occupation thus far. For Camilo, it was always easy to use his fists to get a point across but Niko was doing the opposite. Niko was doing a lot of good and he was using his words–something Camilo struggled with. “So…do they think I’m your boyfriend or are they aware that we’ve been matched?” He looked over his shoulder towards the waving friend and he waved too to help give off a good impression. These were Nikolai’s friend after all. That alone spoke volumes for how different they were. When they approached the stage, Camilo smiled as he looked everything over, choosing to sit at the edge and pull Niko gently towards him to sit beside him. He looked out to the closed street and sighed. “To think this will be crowded with people in no time.” He glanced over to Niko. “Ever get nervous? Is it ever too much? I know why you do it and I wish I had an ounce of your courage but does your heart beat so much it feels like it’s going to jump out of it’s chest?”

Nikolai couldn’t help but laugh sweetly when he glanced over to see Camilo waving as well. He was trying so hard to ensure that everyone liked him and Niko couldn’t help but find it adorable. “They know we’re matched.” He explained, “After all, my letter was delivered to the office instead of my apartment. So that all got to see my expression when it arrived. Granted, it was closed the entire time, but.” He shrugged. It made little difference. Just so long as Niko was happy ( and that happiness was genuine ) they’d support him. Even if the marriage was made by the government. The blonde let out a tiny ‘oof’ as he was tugged in the direction of the stage, then led to sit beside Camilo. He had to admit, it was a good spot to watch everyone from. – — For a moment, he sat quietly. Trying to think back to a time that he genuinely felt afraid and overwhelmed because of his job. “Sometimes me and a couple of the other younger activists in our company will be asked to speak in high schools.” He admitted, not daring to look back at Camilo. “They ask us to say our life stories and end it with ‘it gets better’. – Like, I get it. It gives them something to relate to. But.. I dunno. I always feel like my heart’s going to explode or someone too close to the situation is going to be listening or.. I dunno.” He took his fiance’s hand into his lap, playing with it absentmindedly. “So, yes- sometimes I feel that way. Like during those speeches or when there’s a lot of anger in a crowd. I’m not good with large amounts of protesters. But no, not at times like this. “

Camilo turned his attention back on Nikolai, listening to his explanation of what his friends knew about who he was. “Delivered to your office, huh? So you had quite the spectators. Poor you.” He chuckled, glad that he was alone and in the privacy of his apartment for his. Camilo pushed himself back so he was sitting more comfortably, taking in the silence and looking up at the sky. No signs of rain and he felt incredibly relieved that Nikolai would have good weather for this event. “If it’s worth anything? I think what you do is incredibly brave. I could never do it. I would just stand there, wide eyed and stammer for the majority of the discourse. And the fact that you care enough to try and make a difference is also amazing in itself. I could have used a public speaker like you or your group. Maybe it would have made a difference. Maybe I would have been less angry.” He slides an inch so that the gap is closed between them. His thumb manages to graze over Nikolai’s knuckles before he allows his hand to stay on the other’s lap. “I never understood why people think it’s okay to crash these events with their own agenda. Everything you do…all of this? It’s about love and they have no problem spreading that hate. It’s just…I’m sorry that happens.” He felt himself getting slightly riled up, thinking back at the small group of people protesting and spouting homophobic slurs. He can still hear them despite being far away. It was enough to make his blood boil but he didn’t want Nikolai seeing that side of him. Sure they were supposed to be getting married in just a few short weeks but it didn’t mean he didn’t have his reservations. Nikolai was pure. He was good–everything Camilo probably didn’t deserve and Nikolai needed Camilo to be the closest thing to that to make this work. “Show me the floats.” He murmured, biting his bottom lip and glancing towards Nikolai once more. This was so strange–feeling already so comfortable with him. It was like an ongoing first date and that fluttery feeling you get when it’s going amazingly well. Camilo had never been in a long term relationship mostly because he never found the right person and now being in this situation, it made him wonder how he got here and so quickly. He’d have to tell Tony about it later. He definitely liked Nikolai and playing with that feeling and what it meant for the two of them was something he intended to do. “I saw some over there. Really impressive work. I thought I’d see them up front before it gets packed out here.” Of course it meant walking closer to the protesters but Camilo’s protective side was already on full force.

Nikolai leaned into the boy as the space was closed between them, shoulders and knees brushing each other. If this were a normal date, he would have shyed away. Put some distance between them out of discomfort. – But that was just the thing. Even when they were this close, Niko didn’t feel pressured or out of place.. He just felt warm. “You’re just saying that,” He mused lightly, admiring the way the way their hands fit together just right. “But thank you.” It was hard to imagine Camilo being afraid of anything ( especially something as mundane as public speaking ) but he played along, because in some ways it did actually make him feel better about being a sheepish dork. “Some people just don’t like this.” He admitted, giving the boy’s hand a little squeeze before glancing his way. “They just don’t see it as love. They think they’re going to scare us straight.” The older boy probably wasn’t around it enough to realize that people like them were a common occurrence. They didn’t just show up at big events like pride, they were everywhere. Nothing really shocked him anymore. “Okay,” They replied, carefully slipping off he edge of stage and leading the way once again. The crowd had filled in so he kept his fiance close, careful not to get exasperated as they weaved between so many happy, bouncing people. Of course this was just the beginning of the crowd, but still a lot to walk through. Nikolai didn’t realize how close they were to protesters until he could hear them, their voices raised just above the music and commotion. “–Maybe we should go the other way.” He mumbled, “I’ll tell the others to call the cops and get them further off the ground or something..” Niko pretended like he couldn’t hear them, lightly tugging at Camilo’s hand to go the long way.

Camilo smirked at nothing in particular except for his thoughts. Had someone told him a week ago that he’d be out getting to know his fiance, he’d be in disbelief for sure. They were doing things out of order of course. First comes love then comes marriage, etc but he didn’t really mind this if it meant they’d end up in the right direction. If there was something Camilo enjoyed it was comfort and already he felt that with Nikolai whether it meant he viewed him as good friend and or a potential mate would soon be determined. Eight now seven weeks wasn’t exactly ideal but what choice did they have? Nikolai was being pushed into this too. He listed intently, giving Niko’s hand a gentle squeeze as well. “I know. I dealt with my fair share of bullies. It was rough growing up latino in such a strict and rigid household but I was pleasantly surprised at how accepting my parents were. I realized I liked boys when I was pretty young. I think I was 11. Anyway…I was afraid to talk to them about it but they were amazing. It wasn’t easy dealing with the opposite of that from people I met out in the world. As they made their way through the crowd, Camilo was met with a lot of acceptance. Tons of people smiled in their direction or made comments of how cute they were. One couple told them they made a nice pair and while typical Camilo would correct them, it was nice to hear so he kept to himself. When they stopped at the end of one path, Camilo glared at the protesters holding up their signs and starting trouble with the event guests. He was about to say something but Nikolai’s voice served as an anchor. The other was visibly upset and it bothered Camilo knowing these people were responsible for it. “Hey guys, just…don’t listen to them.” He spoke to the others surrounded them but the protesting continued even louder. The crowd was doing a good job at ignoring but it was Niko’s tone of voice dripping with concern and fear that really rattled Camilo. When he felt his hand being tugged, Camilo shook off the frustration and began following his fiance when he heard the derogatory terms thrown in their direction. It was clear as day and Camilo squeezed Niko’s hand to let him know he was going to let go for a minute. “What did you say?” he turned to face the only man who had the audacity to step up to him while the rest of his crew stepped away. Again, the man repeated the words and Camilo was ready to go when his guilt stopped him. He clenched his fists instead, shielding Niko by standing in front of him. “If you don’t leave now, the cops will be called and surely you don’t want to spend the night in jail.” He practically sneered and was ready to turn around when the protester shouted out to Niko referring him to him as the ‘blonde’, spewing the derogatory term at him this time and just like that, Camilo lost it, marching back towards the older man, curling his fingers around his collar and removing him from the scene. He hailed one of the cops that was working the parade over to where they were but not before grilling the man. “Apologize to him. Apologize to him and we’ll think about NOT pressing charges for a hate crime. Tell him you’re sorry. DO IT!” He had a few seconds before the cop approached them and Camilo put the protester down on his feet as he angrily apologized for his behavior. It wasn’t genuine and so Camilo let the officer know that this man had been bothering a peaceful event. “He insulted my boyf–fiance.” He corrected, surprised at his own damn self for saying that outright. “I was only removing a threat from the premises.” He felt oddly proud of himself for not escalating the issue in a violent way. Typical Camilo would be getting arrested as well. Once he was clear to go, he turned around to face Nikolai, horror stricken at his own behavior and he ran a hand through his hair. “Hey…I shouldn’t be here. I’m sorry. That was…pretty tame compared to what I usually get myself into and I can’t be exposing you to that. Not on your day. You planned this. It’s not fair to you.” The others around them were cheering Camilo on which only made him feel more sick about the whole thing. “I’m so sorry, Niko.”

Nikolai couldn’t help but feel as though this relationship (??) had the potential to work out. They’d only just met days ago, a few conversations serving as fillers, but already he was so comfortable and fond of the boy who now fit so perfectly by his side. It made him wonder why so many complained about the law. “Your parents must have really loved you.” He breathed, trying to picture in his mind what that would have felt like. To have a family who supported him no matter what. Inwardly, he wished he could met Camilo’s parents before they passed away. — — It all went downhill so quickly. Nikolai tried to tell the other to calm down, that it wasn’t anything he hadn’t gotten before and that he would be okay, but his voice was barely audible. Before he knew it Camilo’s hand was gone from his and he was standing in front of him. Protecting him from all of this. That hand squeeze meant that everything was fine, but he didn’t feel fine. His heart was racing as though he knew something bad was about to happen. And surely enough, it did. Niko made an attempt to reach out to Camilo, to stop him from approaching the man, but it was too late and his hands were already on him. The younger was absolutely stunned; glued in place while Camilo removed the man from the premises and toward one of the off-site cops. They were too far to eavesdrop on, just the sound of muffled raised voices among everyone else. Someone asked if he was alright but he barely noticed, removing himself from the crowd and more off to the side toward a building. Hey. Nikolai glanced up to find Camilo still in one piece and he’d never felt so relieved in his life. The man was a fighter, and yet, he had been so afraid for him. And it wasn’t like Niko could have done anything to help if he had gotten hurt.. He’d just stood there. Stupid and helpless. Everything his fiance was saying fell on deaf ears, tears starting to swell up as Niko reached out for him. There was so much he wanted to say but his mind was swimming, so he just wrapped his arms around his fiance’s neck and hid his face among the fabric of his shirt.

Camilo was stunned by Nikolai’s reaction. Not the tears. The tears were literally destroying him. It was the embrace. By now, anyone with half a mind would have left or argued with Camilo on his reaction. He knew he was in the wrong. Not completely, of course. The protester deserved to be apprehended but Camilo needed to learn to control that temper. He had gotten better after years of therapy but there was still a fire with him that once it’s ignited, he only sees red. Everyone has a tipping point in a given situation and today’s, Camilo’s was the insult directed at Nikolai. It was wild. When had he developed a sense of protection over the other man? They were just getting to know each other after all. His hands remained at his side for a brief moment before he raised one to settle against the back of Niko’s head. “C’mon…don’t cry. I’m sorry.” Instinctively, he kissed the top of the blonde’s head and rested his cheek against it. “I didn’t mean for it to get so bad so quickly. I couldn’t stand it when he said that stuff towards you. Are you alright?”

Nikolai didn’t mean to tear up so easily. The event just left him so overwhelmed and with a million different things filling his head that it just sort of happened regardless of if he wanted them to spill over. “Stop apologizing,” He mumbled against the other’s skin, grateful that he couldn’t see his face when such a gentle kiss was pressed to his head. There was no sobbing, no gross sniffling. He wasn’t upset- just stunned. And frankly, now embarrassed for clinging to the man so quickly. “M’not crying.” Niko lied, pulling back just the tiniest bit, his eyes looking over Camilo’s face as though searching for some kind of scratch for bruise. “I’m fine.. Are you though?? –I thought.. Shit, Camilo. That was dangerous. You could have gotten yourself hurt.”

Camilo suddenly felt foolish for the entire thing which was usually the case. It was a lot worse when he was younger. He was more reckless and with less guidance. One bar fight after the other with no remorse and often no recollection of what had occurred the night prior. “You’re not?” He asked with a soft smile and pulled away reluctantly. He knew he was about to be scrutinized and Camilo smiled again as Nikolai examined his face. “I’m fine. I told you what I do for a living. That guy didn’t stand a chance.” He knew he sounded cocky and perhaps he should learn to tone it down but as long as the adrenaline coursed through his veins, Camilo was on some other level. Still, he was learning to be calmer which he was glad for now that he had an actual relationship to nurture. Sort of. “I mean…I’m fine. I honestly just hate that kinda thing and I know that the world is full of people like that guy but God, it was instant. I saw red the moment he said something to you. I’m not allowing it. I’d never allow it.” He mumbled the last part, feeling very conflicted with how much he already cared. “Do you want me to go? I can go…I’m a menace to society.” He chuckled softly and sighed. “BUT…And I’m not trying to bribe you but I did bring my bike and maybe when this is all over, I can give you a ride back? I promise it’s better than the train.”

Nikolai almost didn’t want to let him go when he pulled away. “I know.” He breathed, “I know it’s what you do. But still. Getting hurt because of me isn’t worth it. I’d rather my feelings get hurt and you be safe than you go out and get a black eye, or cut or..” Nikolai sighed, folding his arms over his chest. He wasn’t used to this. Being protected and watched over. Like, sure, people at work would stick up for him if they were targeted at events and whatnot but that was different. They were doing it because it was their job and they were friends. But Camilo… He didn’t owe the boy a thing. “I’m just not used to this.” The words escaped his lips before he could stop them, “People going to such extremes just because someone called me-” He stopped short, not daring to repeat the word that made him inwardly cringe. Bad memories attached to such a phrase. “You’re not a menace. What I’m trying to say it– Thank you. For sticking up for me. I was scared to death, but still. You meant well.” It came out more like he was trying to convince himself, than Camilo. “Please. Don’t go. I’ll let you take me home, but stay. Just for a little bit longer.” Even if it was just the two of them pressed against this wall, he wanted to be with him. Just a few more minuets.

Camilo pressed his lips together as Nikolai spoke. It bothered him knowing that he never had any sort of protection. What about his family? People that were supposed to care after him? “Well, get used to it.” He grumbled almost childishly. “It was nothing. Really. I’d do it for… “ He stopped himself before he was caught in some blatant lie. Truth be told, Camilo wouldn’t do this for just anyone. There were few people that held his loyalty. Friends, family and most recently AJ but Camilo felt immediately drawn to Nikolai and it was more than just the attraction that made him want to do this for him but it wasn’t something he had a name for. It would be too soon to attach any sort of label to what he was feeling. He knew that. The pragmatic part of him was what kept him at bay sometimes. “You’re welcome, Nikolai. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. And I’m doing it because I want to. I enjoy looking after the people that I care for so don’t take that away from me, deal? I’ll be more careful though. No black eyes. No cuts. Our future wedding photographer will hurt me.” He chuckled, the crowed turning away from them and now enjoying the band on the stage. “Okay. I’ll stay.” He wondered how much longer he had with Niko now. Was he officially off the clock or would he have to run back to help out with the event. “Are you done now? With work? Do you get to enjoy the rest of the afternoon?” He was asking almost selfishly and pressed closer against Niko when someone asked Camilo to let them through. A bashful smile pulled at the corner of his lips as his eyes flickered up to meet the blonde’s gaze. Striking blue eyes that Camilo hadn’t noticed the first time they met left him almost speechless. “Huh.” He then chuckled. “Is it cheesy if I tell you your eyes are beautiful? Yeah. That’s very cheesy. Super cheesy. Wow. i’m batting a thousand, huh?” He grinned and leaned in to kiss Niko’s cheek. “Thank you for inviting me, kjekk” He murmured against the other’s skin and pulled back only slightly before sliding his hand back into his fiance’s.

Nikolai smiled softly, allowing his arms to unfold and fall by his sides once again. Truth be told he wasn’t sure that being looked out for and protected by someone was something he could get used to. But he liked the sound of it. It made him feel less alone in the world. “— Deal.” He quietly agreed, chuckling at the mention of a wedding photographer. “Not just them, I’ll kick your butt too.” His voice was playful but deep down, he knew he’d be tempted to get after the boy if Camilo got hurt doing something as goofy as protecting the younger. “– Yup. If they needed me they would have said something by now. – I’m all yours until you get sick of me. “ He replied, trying to assist in letting the person slip past them though all he really did was press his back to the wall. They were so close, gaze locked on each other, that their really wasn’t anywhere else he could go. A beat passed and Nikolai was absolutely baffled, trying to figure out what Camilo was so interested by. He began to ask if something was wrong or on his face but was cut off by the other’s remark on his eyes. At first he didn’t know what to say; Parting his lips as though he knew, but no sound would come out. Instead he just stood there, blushing for what felt like the millionth time. ( Apparently he’d just have to get used to looking like a tomato in front of his husband-to-be since it was happening so often now. ) “Cheesy, yeah.” He managed, “But sweet. Unbelievably so. I-I, uh. Thank you.” The kiss was enough to make his stomach swarm with butterflies, turning this way and that. He felt like a child, learning how to date and behave all over again. Because this… this was all so new. And yet, he felt so unbelievably happy. “You missed.” He replied, a sheepish smile tugging the corner of his mouth upward. Fingers lacing together, Nikolai closed the space between them and gently pressed their lips together.

Camilo hadn’t dated someone in quite some time. It was mostly because of personal choice. Too busy or too many excuses to get on any sort of relationship track. This was nice and refreshing to him. The witty banter, the playful tone, the mindless flirtations…it all brought him back to why he enjoyed this part of embarking on something new with someone else. “All mine, huh? Those are some dangerous choice of words there. I might take advantage of that.” Already, the concerns her had coming into this were distant and the anger he felt towards the protester was mostly gone. “Just being honest.” And he was. He couldn’t imagine how it was possible that no one had ever told Nikolai that. As a matter of fact, Camilo was sure that he had heard that plenty of times before. As he was pulling away and as Nikolai spoke, he arched a brow in response to the blonde’s words. “Missed?” And before he could say anything further, his lips had been captured. Now kissing was something else that Camilo had missed and God, did he miss it. With his free hand, he cupped Nikolai’s face, pressing against him and completely forgetting for the time being where they were. Not like anyone would notice. The crowd seemed incredibly pleased with the entertainment anyway. It was like he had allowed himself to get lost in something that made him happy for once. He had lived a life that often times was too rigid and despite his desire to constantly go against the norm, he still found himself possessing his mother’s traits. For the first time in quite some time, Camilo allowed himself to relax and he tilted his head to deepen their kiss, closing his eyes as his thumb caressed Niko’s face. It was unconventional. Everything was backwards. It was supposed to be date first, kiss second, propose third, end up in marriage with kids but this was completely backwards and he couldn’t help but think that maybe that’s what made it exciting. He pulled away only slightly, making sure to remain close to his future husband and he brushed Niko’s hair to the side as a grin pulled at the corner of his lips. “Remind me never to miss again.”

Nikolai usually wasn’t this brave. In previous relationships he’d steal tiny kisses when he knew people weren’t particularly looking at them or put his arms around his date if the situation allowed. Never had he just pulled someone toward him and kissed them like a teenager in the middle of a crowded space ( PDA was never his shtick. Nor was he that daring. ) But with Camilo, he knew that if he didn’t kiss this boy he’d regret it for the rest of his life. Their eyes glued to each other, Niko’s mind floating- He couldn’t help but want to close the distance between them. To kiss him until they were both pink and out of breath. So that’s exactly what he’d done. – And imagine his delight when his fiance kissed him back !! The blonde smiled into the buss, his free hand ( the one that wasn’t holding his husband-to-be’s ) moved to the small of the male’s back. All the voices and music around them seemed to fade into the background. “I can do that,“ He breathed as they separated ever so slightly, pale blue eyes fluttering open to meet the other’s. Niko saw Camilo’s smile and couldn’t help but mimic it, expression splitting into a childish grin. “ –Stop that.” He chuckled, still somewhat out of breath. “Being cute and knowing what to say. It’s hard to compete.”

Camilo leaned in to press soft kisses along Niko’s jaw, grinning at his words and stopping to look up at him again. “I’m not the cute one here.” He muttered and snaked an arm around his waist. “No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be able to compete with you, Niko.” He pressed another kiss against his lips and another before letting out a soft chuckle. It truly tickled him how quickly he had grown to feel this into someone. Intimacy wasn’t something Camilo struggled with and he wasn’t going to fight against the instant attraction he felt towards Nikolai. It was as if he was getting to know someone after meeting them for the first time with the only difference being he supposed to wed Niko in about seven weeks. There was still a lot of nerves there and definitely a lot of questions. It had only been a week since they met and sure he felt a lot more comfortable now but Camilo had a lot to learn about his fiance. Fiance. Just thinking about the title filled him with a combination of emotions. He knew it was crazy. Years ago had someone told him this would be how he met the man he was going to marry, Camilo would have laughed and incredulously so. Aware that he really had no choice now, he was starting to care less about that part and focus more on getting to know Nikolai. “After the first act, do you want to find see if we can get dinner somewhere in the city? Or we can go back to my place?” A devilish grin pulled at his lips. “I can ‘throw down’ in the kitchen as promised and we can watch a movie or something. Up to you.”

Niko couldn’t believe that this boy was his. He’d heard all of the horror stories; people meeting their government assigned match and hating their guts, sleeping separate bedrooms, putting on fake smiles for their children.. There were so many things that could go wrong. And yet watching Camilo smile and kiss at him, he couldn’t help but feel like everything was okay. That maybe, just maybe, it didn’t bother him that the law had picked out his husband for him. “That’s such bull and you know it.” He replied, playfully rolling his eyes upward toward the sky. As much as he loved it, Niko wasn’t used to getting so much praise. Not on his eyes, his appearance, or anything else. It was borderline shocking to hear that someone (anyone) even thought these things. “I vote for the later,” Niko replied, eyes lighting up at the idea. Perhaps he was pushing it a bit, inviting himself over to his fiance’s house after their first date.(… Wasn’t that a bit cliche?) But the idea of watching Camilo cook and the two of them getting all cozy with a movie.. It was too perfect to pass up. He laughed at the mention of ‘throwing down’, leaning into his fiance’s touch with a coy smile. “– Sounds perfect.” A gentle kiss was pressed to his lips, grin ever present. “I did say I was yours until you got sick of me, didn’t I?”

Camilo chuckled and then bit his lip. He couldn’t help but think how he was one of the lucky ones. Nikolai was everything Camilo thought he’d never find in a partner mostly because of his own setbacks. “It’s not!” His grin widened despite being honest in that response. Niko was definitely the kinder, cuter, sweeter of the two of them but Camilo wasn’t about to disagree or fight his opinions. “The latter was what I was hoping for.” His smile remained as he began thinking about what he’d make him. Maybe something traditional and Colombian so that he could show off his skills. The truth was that Camilo was ecstatic to do this one thing for Niko Smiling onto his fiance’s kiss, Camilo pressed another kiss against the other’s lips and chuckled. “You did say that. And I don’t think I’ll be getting sick of you anytime soon by the way.” It was all so exciting to him; giving himself the chance to break out of his usual mold and letting himself have this one thing. Maybe this law wasn’t such a terrible thing after all. “Mine.” He smirked before claiming Niko’s lips once more, the vibrations of the music in the background thumping hard in his chest as he pulled him close one more time. He couldn’t get enough of the blonde and maybe it was because this was all new but he was enjoying himself too much to overthink it right now. He couldn’t think of a better way to spend Pride Sunday.

Niko could feel eyes on the back of his head, parade goers glancing at the close and cozy couple as they passed by. But still, he made no effort to detangle himself from his fiance. He was happy and… Well, not ‘in love’ but something was definitely there; A spark every time they touched or their lips brushed against each other. Some of his relationships prior (self-chosen ones of course) didn’t even get that kind of reaction. So this – It was something else. Camilo made him genuinely happy. “Good.” The boy smirked, fingers playing the hem of the other’s shirt. “Cause I’m not ready to let you go yet.” Texting was nice, but actually having him in his grasp, being able to hold and kiss him, was so much better. And he was just getting used to this feeling.. Selfish as it might be, he didn’t want to say goodbye. Not yet.— – ‘Mine’. Such a simple word, and yet it made his heart feel as though it skipped a beat. “All yours,” he mumbled between kisses, the phrase barely audibly above the commotion going on around them.

#para: lucky ones #para #mlawpride #f2f:niko

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anycontentposter · 4 years

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Lessons Learned After 250 Documentary Photography Assignments

Recently I hit a milestone in my photographer’s career: I’ve accomplished 250 paid assignments. It took me ten years and half a million frames to get there. I thought it’s a decent reason to reflect a little bit on what has been done and what the journey feels like.

The A-ha Moment

Just a few months ago I was on an assignment together with a seasoned fundraiser who has worked for many years with my pictures. One phrase she said became the most important insight of all my career: “Do you know that some of your images brought in up to a million dollars in donations?”

This struck me. For me, this became a justification of all my breakdowns, doubts, fears, struggles and sleepless nights after emotional shoots. When I decided to become a humanitarian photographer, I wanted my pictures to make a difference for real people, and it turns out, they do.

Ukraine, Nikolaev. Viktor is taking care of his bed-ridden spouse

After a few initial years in “pure” photojournalism at the dawn of my life in photography, I realized that no matter how striking a story published in a regular newspaper or magazine is, it serves an informing or entertaining goal but almost never becomes a call to action.

It’s the opposite with humanitarian organizations’ media: all their publications are aimed to make people want to do something about the cause. This makes a whole lot of sense for me.

What’s the Most Joyful Part?

As a documentary photographer, I don’t stage things, so I love when a scene surprises me with natural emotions, colors, lines, spots, rhymes, and rhythms. A lot of my photo shoots take place in small and dark flats of the former Soviet Union, where you don’t expect any visual surprises.

Even in that environment, daily life sometimes gains the potential to be perfectly framed, and a rectangle in front of my viewfinder obtains multiple meanings, multiple layers. When I see this happening, I get excited. My heart starts racing.

Moldova, Chishinau. A young volunteer celebrating Shabbat with an elderly client of a Jewish charity What’s the Hardest?

There’s a lot of bitterness in being a humanitarian photographer. The hardest photo shoot I’ve ever had so far was in war-torn Ukraine. I saw bombed residential buildings in Mariupol, which is my dad’s hometown.

I spoke to dozens of uprooted and desperate people. I saw a hospital near Slavyansk caught in a cross-fire with staff and patients inside. I remember taking pictures of this ruined hospital and whispering to myself: “Thank goodness I have a camera so I can concentrate on composition and exposure…”

Ruined hospital near Slavyansk, Ukraine

Walking into someone’s house, seeing terrible living conditions, and then leaving is hard. I always think: “I spent there an hour and I’m so depressed, and these people spend every day of their life there!”

Listening to the parents of disabled children is hard — to the point where I consider having healthy children a miracle. I’m scared to have more children now and I have a hard time trying to explain my fear to my wife.

A family with a disabled child from Moldova

Finding out about the passing of those whom I recently photographed is hard.

Running into the stories of social injustice, indifference, neglect is hard.

Sometimes, after a day of a shoot, I feel too lucky. Undeservedly lucky.

I always get home heartbroken. Nevertheless, I always head to each assignment inspired and excited. I know that I’m doing a meaningful job, this lets me stay on top of my breakdowns.

What Are the Pitfalls?

I think my personal pitfall is my willingness to lift too much weight: when I make stills, film video, conduct an interview and translate it in real-time, I often feel overwhelmed. I can’t afford failure at any of my tasks, so I allocate all my abilities to get everything done, and then by the evening, I reach a hotel like a walking dead.

Transnistria. Mr. Sigal, formerly a leader of a local Jewish community, now retired and blind Pieces of Advice

I have set a number of strict rules for myself years ago which up to now were never written down. A lot of them are pretty far from the business of photography itself, but following them saved me more than once as a photographer, business person, and human being:

1. Prior to the shoot, get into the mindset of making the best job you’ve ever done;

2. Dignity is the key. It’s often being said that no frame deserves a photographer’s life. For me the same goes for dignity: no frame deserves humiliating your subject. In humanitarian photography, we constantly deal with vulnerable people living through their hardest times. You don’t want to exploit them and their condition, even though you know that their tears in the frame will raise money for them.

On one of my first humanitarian photography assignments, I was asked by the local staff to not upset the clients. It was an unusual request. Turned out another photographer visited that place before me, and they intentionally made subjects cry for the sake of a “good picture”. Everyone who worked with me knows that I have a dignity rule in place and such a thing would never occur on my visit.

Moldova

Sometimes it’s appropriate to take a picture and sometimes absolutely not. How do you find out? Simply stay human, don’t turn yourself into a cynical picture-taking robot. After you leave, the subject should feel respected, taken care of, dignified, and not embarrassed, confused and upset.

Listen to your customers. Better don’t assume that you know what they are looking for when they send you on an assignment. It’s your job to make sure that you are on the same page. Getting into fine details of their requirements will help you understand the overall approach. The stakes are high in humanitarian photography: we are dealing with disaster relief, with helping people who rely heavily on humanitarian assistance; Find out everything beforehand about the people you’re going to meet; Write a list of equipment to take with you; Have basic medicines with you at all times. Running nose or a sudden onset of fever in the middle of a shoot day is the worst that can happen. It happened to me a lot, so I have a kit of strong medicines with me wherever I go. I also take a course of multivitamins before I set out to shoot in another corner of the world. Print out hard copies of all the essential information: contact details in the field, flights, hotels, local emergency numbers; Secure a local SIM card and local cash; This one is very important: every morning before leaving for a shoot, switch on every piece of equipment and make a test. I tend to do myself a favor and take a selfie as a test; Pay attention to clothes. I’m not good at dressing up fancy, but I do dress appropriately and neat. I need to feel comfortable in my clothes, however. My working day consists of car travels, fast freezing (or sweating) walks with gear on my shoulders, climbing up the stairs, working in hot and choking flats. I don’t want to sweat too much and to freeze too much, so proper dressing sometimes turns into a challenge. Look nice. My supervisor at the American Joint Jewish Distribution Committee (JDC) told me before my very first assignment: “Remember that for those whom you are filming you are the face of JDC, they don’t care whether you’re a freelancer or a staff member.” I’ve learned this and always keep it in mind. I tend to visit a hairdresser a few days before my assignment trips. Listen actively, but don’t produce any sounds. During a shoot or an interview stay in the moment, put aside all your other thoughts, even when you see your camera falling down from a desk (happened to me), even when something goes wrong with the equipment (happened, too). You don’t want to hassle with your camera in front of your subject. Have a backup camera ready, even if it’s a smartphone, and just keep rolling. Back up everything. Coming back to a hotel in the evening as walking dead, I know that there is a mandatory task awaiting me before I fall down senselessly on my bed: copy today’s files from the camera to the hard drive and then copy them to another hard drive. If I’m lucky enough to stay in a place with decent WiFi I also upload everything in a cloud. Dozens of people besides myself work hard to make these photo shoots happen, and repeating them is never an option. I keep this in mind. Don’t get lost in your deliverables. It’s all about a simple but cohesive and self-explanatory system of files and folders naming. Luckily I established this system from the very beginning, and now I easily find my pictures from ten years ago. When I import the pictures into Lightroom I also assign them with a few keywords, so whenever my clients need me to send them a selection like “Wintertime in Russia” I can provide it with ease. Labeling the best pictures in Lightroom also saves a lot of time in the long run. Lastly, an extremely important one: Be an accurate business person. That’s a whole large topic but essentially stay on top of accounting, contracts, and deadlines. Deliver more than expected, better than expected, faster than expected. I use Sprout Studio software for my business routine and exploit my natural passion and curiosity to get the pictures delivered very fast, in some cases even on the day of the shoot (photojournalistic background helps me here). Selfie in the hotel of Kramatorsk, Ukraine

Overall, regardless of all the hardships of the profession, I’m living my dream. I consciously went into the humanitarian photography field, and I’m aiming to learn more lessons that I promise to share after I’m done with my 500th assignment!

About the author: Arik Shraga is a photojournalist and documentary photographer based near Jerusalem, Israel. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. You can find more of his work and connect with him through his website and LinkedIn. This article was also published here.