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#i'm enlightened now i'm a changed person
oneluckydragon · 15 days
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So I decided to spin the wheel by @onefey since I saw so many mutuals getting really cute PMD Teams.
Meet hero Lucky (Girafarig) and partner Biggs (Wimpod). Never in my life have I considered a Girafarig as my potential PMD-sona but here we are despite it all. Even though I was skeptical at first I am now in permanent love.
Gotta think of an Exploration Team name now... hm.
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3uthym1c · 2 months
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𓆩⚝𓆪 ☒ 𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐀 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝! 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘍𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘯𝘦𝘳
𓏲 ๋࣭     ࣪ ˖    ⋆ ࣪.     ˖ ࣪⭑  ˖ ࣪ ٬     ุ๋ ⸱    ִֶָ . ָ࣪   ˑ ֗⭑  ˖ ࣪ ٬     ุ๋ ⸱    ִֶָ . ָ࣪   ˑ ֗ ˖    ⋆ ࣪.     ˖ ࣪⭑      ࣪ ˖    ⋆ ࣪. ⸱    ִֶָ . ָ࣪  
Ꮺ Read before getting into your group please! THERE IS A MESSAGE FOR EVERYONE AT THE END!!!
Hey y'all, it's me and I'm back. I told y'all I don't have a PAC uploading schedule 😭. I honestly just do it whenever I feel that I have the energy and then recharge. Perhaps when I'm in my "tarot reading hibernation" I'll take free requests so stay tuned (I'll have to figure out rules for requests first 😭).
Remember that you can pick more than one and to choose what resonates and STAY HYDRATED!!! I've never done a love reading before so feedback would be very appreciated.
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⋆。° ✮ ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴏɴᴇ
For physical features I see that they have brown hair (light or dark brown). For some, your partner might have dreads, locs, or very intricate braids. Their skin may be brown or tanned (or tan easily). They have such an infectious and bright smile, it's like their whole face lights up and it's so beautiful to everyone seeing it. They're muscular, but in skinny way? I don't know how to explain it. Kind of like runners? As for their clothes or clothing style, they might wear either all black or white with a few pops of color. Like an example would be a dark t-shirt with a bright red collar thing and a necklace with a big yellow crystal.
They carry so so so much enthusiasm. Right off the bat they just bring a light very few can bring. They bring so much to people just by existing. inspiration, hope, enlightenment even? They don't even have to be extroverted they just have and give so much energy. They have so many silly little thoughts they share every now and then that seem to come out of nowhere. Their biggest character strength is gratitude. They feel so thankful for everything and everyone and they'll let you know. Oh my god pile 1 you're so lucky this person is so in love with life and will make you in love with life even more than you currently do. They will make you love being human the and feeling and tasting and dancing and experiencing that come with it. It'll have you seeing beauty in the everyday things.
Right now they're going through some really intense spiritual transformation. They need to learn to ask for help when they need it. They'll do well though. They'll find a lot of things could've been solved by just asking for help. Both you and them are at the beginning of your journeys (that doesn't mean your journey is long though), so if you guys think things are already good then I'm thinking of the phrase "universe, show me how good it can get". They're such a good cook & baker by the way. They have a lot of earth and fire placements. Extremely romantic in both the loveydovey type and the artsy sense.
When you come into their life it's very much random and unexpected. My sister just unexpectedly found an item that cleans her flute so I'll take it as a sign that you guys meet at a music / dance event or concert. Perhaps in the same class taking music lessons. Also random message: this meeting is just unavoidable, no matter what you do they'll find their way to you so don't worry. Even if you guys meet, have a conversation, and leave, you guys will keep bumping into each other. Months into your relationship, both of you will look back at this meeting as something purely magical. If they don't believe in fate or magic or some higher power, this will change their mind.
I'm also hearing, "It's so beautiful how deeply you feel." You may have been looked down on for being "overly sensitive" and "caring too much" but they very much appreciate it. Also hearing "Whatever you say, beautiful." like if you told them to do something crazy they wouldn't even question it. Literally remembered this image:
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🍈 ☒ Key Words / Items / Etc: The Chariot (representing them), Ruby, the word "baroque", Soprano, Clownfish, Horses, Bells, Lemons, roses, letter S.
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⋆。° ✮ ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ
Straight dark brown or black hair, they like wearing more simple outfits most of the time with neutral colors but there will be days where they're like "screw it I'm going to dress all fancy just to go to the library". Often carries a backpack or suitcase or purse everywhere. Worst case of RBF (resting bitch face) ever, but their face is so gentle and pretty too. Maybe wears black glasses (maybe prescription maybe not). A little random but you might find that they look so hot when they're focused? Really nice hands, they might like to wear rings or gloves. Would probably let you paint their nails.
But when you get to know them they're actually goofy and sometimes they don't even know it. "Apartment complex? I find it quite simple actually." vibes. I think a lot of people don't like how confident they look and say stuff like "They think they're better than us." when they never even act like that. Warning they have so many haters and it isn't because they even did or said anything, people see them and their confident energy and assume so so SO much about them. They don't know that though, because to them it seems like they hate your S/O for no reason and they're so confused. In reality they're so soft and kind hearted.
Random thing - they might really like penguins? They have ungodly amounts of patience for everything and everyone it's mind boggling. They're either interested or uninterested in things, so if they're interested they will put their heart and soul into whatever it is. You can see it so well in their work and career, whatever it may be. Embodiment of the word "Meraki". Btw your S/O doesn't want me to "spoil any surprises" take it as you wish.
EDIT: Holy shit there was whole entire paragraph about what I'd guess is the "surprise" that somehow didn't end up in the reading when I copy / pasted it from Notion to tumblr?????
Going to add more to this, it seems that your partner is super shy and a little awkward if that makes sense? Like, if you ever have done readings about specific people, while you may not HEAR their voice, you can kind of feel the vibes of them talking? They kind of remind me of the smell after the rain (which if you're curious, no it was not raining at the time of me doing this reading).
🍈 ☒ Key Words / Items / Etc: Meraki (obviously), Cats, purple & blue, the letter R, birds visiting your backyard often, 777,
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⋆。° ✮ ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ
Instead of starting with physical appearance I think I want to start off with what they're like. Right off the bat their energy is very easy to tap into (in a good way). In fact, after I was done with pile two, I kept on getting intuitive messages for two whole days on what they're like. This whole entire pile I didn't even have to draw a single card. at all. They're extremely talkative, and I wouldn't be surprised if you constantly recieved messages and signs from them. I'd imagine it would be like recieving a loud notification on your phone because honestly whatever chance they get, their higher self constantly is there checking in on you.
They have an incredible sense of humor first of all. They will never fail to make you laugh. I hope this makes sense, but they're almost like a walking four leaf clover or lucky charm. Wherever they go they just bring good luck to themselves and people around them. Perhaps their very existence is a miracle. Their birthday may be in May. This is going to sound weird and no shade to your S/O but they're the type of person you wouldn't expect to be so smart. Usually people think of smart people as like, these serious nerdy looking people, but this person is genuinely so so smart and good at talking to others.
I bet how you guys will meet is that you'll be struggling with something and they'll walk into your life and help you. They have the sort of magic of a teacher that can explain the hardest topics so easily. One of their weaknesses is that they're a little too afraid to ask help for themselves. This person isn't JUST good boy/girl/joyfriend material, but also a great spouse.
Wouldn't be surprised if they have light hair or are ginger. If they have dark hair it's probably dyed. Their hair is so fluffy and if it's long it's very nice to just run your hand in. A very comfortable style, I could imagine that they sometimes wear soft pastel colors (Blue, green, orange mostly) or neon. Hoodlies, loose clothing, handmade clothes.
🍈 ☒ Key Words / Items / Etc: Four leaf clovers, 444, cats with different colored eyes (kinda specific), spiders, random light colored yarm / wool.
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⋆。° ✮ ᴘɪʟᴇ ꜰᴏᴜʀ
Your partner is probably much taller than you. They probably have silver jewelry and long hair. They put in a LOT of effort into how they look, they always look so fashionable. They also take great care of their body too. I don't think it's to the point where they're vain though, they just take care of themselves and like dressing cool. They may have blue, green, or grey eyes.
First of all, this may come to a shock to you but your partner is very spiritual. When you meet them they'll probably have already spent years learning about and practicing their spirituality. Everyone that meets them thinks that they're mentally just wise beyond their years, and I don't mean when it comes to academics (though that might be the case). There's just something about them that makes them feel like they've been on this earth for a long long time and have witnessed many things and met many people.
They may actually be a historian, anthropologist, archivist, librarian, psychologist, or sociologist. Okay I've just been having this stuck in my head while doing this reading but I'm imagining like, a rock or statue with moss growing on it. Also I'm feeling strangely calm and warm right now. I don't know if "calm" would even describe it, it's like complete serenity.
When you meet them it might be in somewhere incredibly crowded, but it'll feel like it's just the two of you. You could maybe meet them through a friend and have a nice long night drive talking to each other. They genuinely love you. I mean obviously this is a future partner reading so of course they would, but this love runs so deep. There's not any way that I can get you to fully understand the depths of this love, so you'll just have to wait and see!
They're the type of person that makes people comfortable enough to be themselves without worrying about judgement, mostly because to be honest this person is seen as "weird" themselves. You make them love humanity, is another message I'm getting.
Also a note that I didn't even pull cards for this, it was all intuitive so usually I take it as a sign this person's energy / presence is strong and you probably receive messages and signs from their higher self a lot. Or maybe their 3d human self consciously sends positive energy your way, a sign of this is randomly feeling warm and cozy and calm for no reason. P.S. they probably think about you as much as you think about them.
ALSO!!!! PILE 4 don't stop reading it yet there's a message I got for you guys but I feel called to put it at the end separately for all of the piles!
🍈 ☒ Key Words / Items / Etc: 888, blueberry, lights that flicker for no reason, or maybe dreams where you see some sort of light floating around, rainbows, bees, Magician card, the word "arbiter"
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𝕄𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕒𝕘𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝔼𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐 ℙ𝕀𝕃𝔼!!!
I know someone (not all of you) is thinking "Nahh this sounds too good to be true", well 1. that's the magic of soul connections and love & 2. Please stop lowering your standards because it's "unrealistic" because I swear you're not asking for much from a person. You deserve something "too good to be true" bestie (And also, remember, YOU are a dream come true for them too 😭).
"Why me what's so special about me 🫤 " on god you're the type of person who asks for signs from your spirit guides and then ignores them like they're tiiiireeedddd. Real talk though, you don't know how beautiful you are to a strangers eyes because you grow accustomed to your face. You don't know how smart and amazing you are (and yes knowing a lot about a random show or book or random subject counts as being smart shhh).
You are so perfectly human you just DON'T KNOWWW. I
f you think like this (or even if you don't because we should all do this), I'm giving you homework. Make a list of everything you are grateful for yourself for doing / being, what topics and interests you have, your favorite fashion style, achievements, color, animal, your favorite song, things you have around the house that you like and why, etc.
YOU ARE AN INTERESTING PERSON!!!! If you have a good relationship with your parents / guardians or grandparents or aunts or siblings, ask them what they love about you. Get to know yourself!!! A lot of things are cool and special about you!!!!!!!!!
-Eiki
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hausofneptune · 4 months
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songs that give the same energy as these aspects/placements
[astro notes no. 008]
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hey y'all! i'm sure this has probably been done before, but i thought it'd be fun to do a post where i can talk about music and astrology bc i'm very much so a nerd when it comes to both of those topics :) (i'm dipping my toes into synastry/composite placements in this post, and i'm still learning about those subjects so any of these notes sound like surface-level baby shit, that's why, i apologize in advance lmao)
also, if it don't apply let it fly, we all have different charts and so therefore aspects and placements will manifest differently for all of us.
disclaimers | masterlist | ask
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 ༊*·˚ ˗ venus in the 12H | scorpio / cancer venus: unknown / nth — hozier
you called me angel for the first time my heart leapt from me you smile now, i can see its pieces still stuck in your teeth and what's left of it, i listen to it tick every tedious beat going unknown as any angel to me do you know, i could break beneath the weight of the goodness, love, i still carry for you? that i'd walk so far just to take the injury of finally knowing you?
i feel like it's worth mentioning that hozier has venus in aquarius in his 12H, which makes so much sense when you listen to his music. these placements are, i feel, indicative of loving extremely hard, even to your own detriment. they tend to crave deep, nurturing, spiritual connections in love. and although they might have the capacity to understand people on a deeper level, rarely is that level of understanding reciprocated to them in love (especially the venus 12th housers), which can result in this feeling of being "unknown". y'all's suffering usually results in amazing art though, which can be an upside depending on how you look at it lmao
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༊*·˚ ˗ moon in the 8H | moon square / opposite pluto or saturn: good days — SZA
said i'm not tryna be a nuisance, it's just urgent tryna make sense of loose change got me a war in my mind gotta let go of weight, can't keep what's holding me choose to watch while the world break up and fall on me all the while, i'll await my armored fate with a smile still wanna try, still believe in good days
as an 8H moon native i literally cannot listen to this song without crying lmfao. i feel like there’s so much inner emotional turmoil that people with these placements experience, and these experiences can definitely harden somebody into the type of person who’s emotionally avoidant and seeks to escape through their work or self-destructive habits. or, they become someone who, despite of what they’ve been through, utilize their understanding of the “darker” side of life to help others, and at least attempt to seek out things that bring them joy recognize that you don't have to view life through the lens of the fucked up shit you've been through.
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༊*·˚ ˗ venus in the 9H / taurus ruling over the 9H: bliss abroad — masego ft. sheléa
i'm a boss, i know you like that spend it all, and make it all back see the sea view right from the cockpit just a preview to one of god's gifts i love the way we have no limitations, every night a celebration you take me there you exceed my expectation, beyond imagination
this is such a cute placement to have, both in natal and synastry. in the natal chart, it can indicate being someone who finds pleasure in traveling and learning about cultures that are vastly different than yours, and even finding spiritual fulfillment through doing so. it also shows being someone who enjoys traveling and exploring uncharted territory with their partner (or finding love in a different country), as well as feeling the most fulfilled in a relationship with someone who you feel "enlightens" you and brings newfound wisdom to your day to day life. these natives could also end up attaining wealth through these endeavors as well.
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༊*·˚ ˗ sun trine or sextile black moon lilith | mars conjunct uranus | venus aspecting mars / pluto (synastry): stroke — banks
it’s always in my head everything is always about you tell me you’re a book that i misread you just wanna tell me what to do you want me, you want me want me to stroke your ego beg for it, die for it i got the touch placebo
i like to refer to aspects and placements like these as the "you not finna tell me what the fuck to do" indicators. with the natal aspects, these are typically the type of people who like to push against the boundaries just to see how far they can go, and enjoy ruffling other peoples' feathers for fun. they're also visionaries, and tend to prioritize their individuality above all else and enjoy encouraging others to feel empowered as well. on the other hand, the synastry aspects can indicate a strong level of physical attraction and sexual compatibility, when they're afflicted it can very much so lead to power struggles, with mars/pluto being the one attempting to assert some form of dominance or control over venus. how that ends up playing out depends on the context of the individual natal charts of those involved, personally i'd rather eat a denim jacket than let somebody (especially a man) tell me what to do, but i digress.
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༊*·˚ ˗ moon / mercury in 3H (synastry) | sun in pisces / taurus (composite): are you even real? — james blake
all i can do is trust in her late nights, i can see the lust in her acid rain is a first for her skies open up, share a cup with her cracking seals, guilty no appeal trip down the hill, strawberry fields are you even real? she said, "tell me how you feel" are you even real?
3H synastry is so sweet and so underrated, probably because it's not a house that people typically look at for an indication of "romance", but i feel like communication is an integral part of relationships that (clearly) nobody really takes into account. moon and mercury in the 3H can be indicative of giving/receiving words of affirmation with someone, as well as an ease in not only expressing your emotions to someone but having a very strong intellectual connection to them. it could also be indicative of having a strong bond with their siblings or immediate family as well. i also mentioned sun in pisces and taurus in the composite chart because the production of this song is so ethereal, and the lyrics are very domestic in a sense? i feel like it's representative of the spiritual connection and compassion that pisces brings, alongside the pleasure and security found in building a home with the person you love.
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༊*·˚ ˗ pisces moon / mercury: count me out — kendrick lamar
i care too much, wanna share too much in my head too much, i shut down too i ain't there too much, i'm a complex soul they layered me up, then broke me down and moralities dust, i lack in trust
pisces moons are truly god's strongest soldiers lmfao. i spoke on this in a previous post and i'll reiterate it again because it's so real, but pisces is the only water sign without "armor", and therefore the water sign that tends to get hurt the most. and i'm speaking in terms of the archetype and not necessarily every person with prominent pisces placements when i say this (pls do not come up under this post talking about a pisces that hurt your feelings, we do not care), but pisces are very sensitive and kind-hearted by nature, and with the moon in pisces that can very easily manifest as becoming "captain save a hoe" and trying to help and fix everyone around you, even to your own detriment. in regard to having mercury in pisces, i feel like the upside is having a very romanticized way of speech and a general "poetic" ideological approach to life, and the downside is getting lost in your thoughts, as well as being misrepresented or not clearly understood in communication/connection to others, and therefore "shutting down" and opting not to speak at all.
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༊*·˚ ˗ sun / venus trine or sextile neptune (natal or synastry): two weeks — fka twigs
i'll put you first, just close your eyes and dream about it higher than a motherfucker, dreaming of you as my lover i'll quench your thirst, just chase the high and stop your doubting flying like a streamer, thinking of new ways to do each other
i'm not gonna hold you, i feel like this is the perfect example of a song fully encapsulating what an aspect feels like. i feel like these aspects can make someone very ethereal, they may have a tendency to come off as impersonal or "out of reach" to those around them, and are typically very intuitive and spiritually-inclined. in synastry, this could make someone view their partner through a dream-like lens. aside from neptune's malefic characteristics (which typically show up more with conjunctions or challenging aspects) it's energy paired with the sun and venus can make a relationship feel like a fairy-tale in a sense. they may have a telepathic connection with one another, visit each other or communicate through the astral realm, and their intimacy can feel like a very spiritual experience for both parties.
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as always, if you have any of the aspects or placements mentioned let me know how it manifests in your own life! and if you have any songs that you feel like are representative of any placements feel free to drop them below, i'm always looking for new music to listen to!
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shalotttower · 29 days
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A Natural Benefit
Title: A Natural Benefit
Fandom: Death Note
Characters: L Lawliet x Reader (female)
Summary: L wants to try something new, you want to be left alone. So an offer is on the table, it's a mutually beneficial arrangement after all.
Word count: 2100+
Notes: yandere!L, kidnapped Reader, dub-con kissing, manipulation, captivity, L and Reader were together at Wammy's House
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"Would you indulge me?"
Your eyes dart up from the page to his face. L looks at you like he always does ─ an intent yet oddly distant stare that used to make goosebumps appear on your arms. Nowadays you're somewhat re-accustomed to his mannerisms. He doesn't blink much, tends to stand behind your back whenever possible, likes to play with his food and enjoys invading your personal space far too much to be deemed socially acceptable.
His habits are strange but harmless.
"No," you say, just to be contrary.
L is fond of making things sound simple, and then — snap! — the trap is shut, and you find yourself doing a completely different activity than initially expected.
"I want to kiss you."
"N-" You blink and lower your book down, not bothering to mark it. "What?"
"Kissing is an act of physical intimacy between individuals," he says like it's an obvious fact and you're merely slow on the uptake. L's expression doesn't change, neutral despite this being anything but a normal conversation starter even by your standards ─ admittedly low.
"Thank you for enlightening me about the definition," you lean back against the cushions, "still no."
"Why not?" He asks after a momentary pause.
"Because I don't want to."
A simple answer to a weird request. You try to resume reading, but there're other things currently occupying your brain ─ namely the attempts to understand what prompted such inquiry.
L never asked for physical contact before; platonic or otherwise. Sure he tried to entice you into spending time with him through bargain and manipulation, and you pretended to be oblivious enough to earn an Oscar for your acting skills. However, there never was any talk of kissing involved. Any kind of touching, actually.
He hums. "Would you like me to explain my reasons?"
Sometimes you think that the sole cause of L's existence is just so he could annoy people for kicks. His questions are always peculiar, and you've learned that every single one of them is designed to lead towards some specific conclusion, preferably the one he wants. You have a feeling that if you say 'yes', L will proceed to list a hundred points about why kissing is good. And then another hundred why kissing him specifically is beneficial.
"No."
He looks at you. You look at him and raise the book higher.
"Indulging me would benefit both of us," L says, undeterred. "You're very curious by nature and I find it quite fascinating that you're able to deny your curiosity in this particular case."
Has a more obvious bait ever existed anywhere in human history? Probably not, and you'll bet your entire life savings on it too.
"I'm not curious," you lie, "now leave me alone. I want to read."
He leans forward. "You haven't focused on the book since I asked my question."
Smartass. You purse your lips and pretend that the characters are suddenly so interesting, that it's hard to look away from the intricacies of the plot unfolding inside this fictional world. At least things there make sense; no need to figure out the hidden meanings behind other people's words, because they are mostly transparent when there's a whole paragraph dedicated to the protagonist's feelings.
He reminds you of those spider-like creatures from documentaries ─ their actions seem random at first glance, yet upon further scrutiny prove to be anything but. Instead, they're meticulously crafted and executed to obtain maximum results.
L studies you for a little while longer, and eventually pads towards the kitchenette. The kettle whistles soon after as he makes himself tea; mint flavored, judging by the aroma wafting through the air.
______________________________________________________
You should have known that he won't give up ─ L is just as persistent as you are stubborn. If anything, you've set a challenge before him, and he tends to fixate on those until they are solved: a fact well-known and accepted among those who ever had a (dis)pleasure of interacting with him.
He doesn't outright ask you again, not the next day or the one after that. No. Accidentally, the only type of movies you're able to watch now are rom-coms or dramas with lots of kissing scenes sprinkled here and there between the banter bordering on cringe; sweet confessions spoken over candlelit dinners; passionate declarations whispered during sunsets... Clichés, amore, and kisses galore.
"I'm not sure this is the best movie for the evening," you say, as the screen flickers with images of two leads gazing into each other's eyes like they found the answers to every single question asked.
"The reviews are quite positive," L replies, munching on caramel popcorn.
"Reviews can be faked. And the trailer was misleading. I thought it was going to be an action movie."
"It is an action movie. The genres are listed right there," he points at the screen, and the words 'romance and action' stare back at you.
You frown and settle deeper into the couch cushions. It's uncomfortable ─ watching romantic scenes with L in the same room. His presence doesn't feel oppressive or demanding, yet you can't shake off the squirmy, twisty feeling. The kind when you enter an elevator with someone else and get slightly agitated for no reason. And so you try to slow down your breathing, but it only makes things worse. Your heart beats faster, palms start sweating and the hypothetical elevator stranger inevitably thinks that you're weird.
L isn't an elevator stranger. He's the owner of the elevator, and the entire building, and the city.
"He's going to die in the next ten minutes," you mutter.
"No, he won't."
"Yes, he will."
L hums. "Want a bet?"
Your eyes narrow.
"If he survives past the fifteen minute mark," L says slowly, "you indulge me."
"And if he doesn't?"
"I leave you alone for two days."
There's no hesitation on his side. None whatsoever, which proves suspicious immediately ─ L never offers something unless certain about the outcome beforehand, whether by logical deduction or calculated gamble. Probability factors run inside his brain instead of blood cells and grey matter, calculating risk vs return ratio quicker than any computer ever could.
You glance at the screen. It's a simple plot. There were a twist or two earlier, sure, but overall nothing extraordinary that would require hours upon hours of critical thinking to unravel.
A man, a woman. A handsome villain who wants them dead, for various reasons. They run and fight, shoot guns, dodge punches, and kiss between those because apparently there's time for romance even when a life is on the line.
It's a very simple plot; and two days are a lot to pretend that L doesn't exist. That you got rich enough to buy this kind of apartment.
"The speakers?"
"Switched off."
"The cameras?"
"Those will stay."
Of course, they will. You wouldn't expect anything less ─ privacy issues are non-existent here in more ways than one.
L isn't always a presence. Sometimes he leaves and you're alone with nothing but books and TV to pass time, but two days sound wonderful regardless. There's something in empty spaces that's enticing, even if they're temporary. L, for all his peculiarities, isn't too bad of a company. He's quiet, and often busy with his own matters. But he also has this way of looking at you that is unnerving. Like you're interesting. Or important. Or simply fascinating.
Sometimes he wants to talk, he wants to listen, he wants to ask questions and give answers until everything blurs into an amalgamation of words. It's exhausting.
Two days sound good. His hand is dry and slender. You grasp it and shake it once.
"I'll start the timer now," L says after your hands separate.
______________________________________________________
Twelve minutes.
Three more and he's dead.
You wish that he'd just kick the bucket already, so you could spend the next forty eight hours in pure, undiluted bliss.
_______________________________________________________
The male lead dies after seventeen minutes.
When the credits roll over, the apartment is silent except for the soft buzzing of electronics. You look at the screen, stubbornly, because you don't want to look at him, the owner of the elevator, and the building, and the city.
"It was close," he comments, as if trying to comfort you, which makes it even more of a sore spot.
That’s what L thrives on ─ technicalities, loopholes, small and seemingly insignificant details which are easily overlooked, yet make a great difference. You're not sure if you're annoyed, or disappointed. And what’s more important ─ at whom.
You have known for years that L tends to get his way eventually whenever there's something specific caught up in that head of his; a fixation which refuses to leave until satisfied, and sometimes even after. Snap. You can get up and head out of the living room, you know you can. Will you though is another question entirely.
L isn't a typical captor ─ he doesn't demand or force you into things. He simply presents a possibility and waits. Not aggressive or domineering, not sadistic. But oh he is a PhD of holding a grudge. Leaving now probably means waking up tomorrow and finding that every single disk has vanished without a trace, along with the bookshelves being switched for some obscure scientific texts on chemistry, physics and other things that require an advanced degree to fully understand.
Because someone decided that you don’t deserve entertainment anymore. Because someone is petty enough to deprive you of basic mental stimuli, and is stubborn enough to hold onto that decision even when reasoned with. Unsuccessfully.
It's a talent really, this particular brand of making your life miserable in many small ways, so they accumulate into something greater over time until you feel like the walls are closing in slowly but surely.
You can't back out, even though no one openly stops you from doing so. And L knows that. And he knows that you know. His lips twitch and curl upward before flattening again into neutral territory.
There's a theory that if you pull a band-aid fast enough, it won't hurt as much. The credibility behind it is questionable.
You exhale and meet L's gaze ─ his posture hasn't changed from the beginning to the end of the film, knees tucked to his chest, eyes two dark pools that stare without blinking. His fingers drum a steady rhythm, and that's probably the only sign that gives it away.
Anticipation.
"Fine," you say finally.
His mouth opens before closing back again. L doesn't move a bit.
He wants you to do it, you realize. Wants you to initiate instead of just allowing it. What an ass.
You squish his cheeks between your palms until his lips pucker outwards. L makes a soft noise of surprise but doesn't try to fight back.
Black lashes cast a shadow across his skin. There's no perfume or cologne, no distinct smell ─ he uses plain soap and shampoo which don't have a discernible aroma.
"I believe I was promised an indulgence," L says, voice muffled a bit by your hands on his face.
He looks like a fish this way. A silly, ridiculous image that would make you snort if not for the situation at hand.
Band-aids and ripping them off.
You sigh, lean forward, and press your mouth to his.
He tastes like caramel popcorn.
Mint tea.
Indulgence.
The angle is awkward, and L doesn't move an inch to accommodate the position. He stays still like a block of solid rock, not a single muscle twitches, and doesn't even attempt to reciprocate. You have half a mind to think that maybe he's mocking you, but then his fingers lightly curl on the fabric of his jeans. L's eyelids flutter half-closed when your noses bump, then open again right after. Another oddity added to the pile.
It lasts no longer than ten seconds before you pull away. L blinks. Touches his lower lip with the tip of a finger and rubs it like searching for traces left by the contact.
"You were promised an indulgence," you remind him, trying to sound calm, collected, but your ears and neck feel hot, "not a make-out session."
Technicalities and loopholes.
L has that look you can't quite pinpoint yet know far too well. You've seen it many times before. When he thinks about something but keeps it to himself for now.
"You look more lively," he remarks eventually. "Healthy complexion suits you."
You don't need to hear what he says next, because the words already ring through your head.
"I told you it would benefit us both."
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infiniteko · 6 months
Note
You are the only person so far who seems to know what you’re talking and is well studied so I decided to sent this ask for you. It will have a little venting, but nothing too extreme or long also if you don’t mind I’d rather speak in a not non duality way because I wouldn’t know how to formulate my sentences without giving power to the physical world in a sense, and I’m not exactly looking for enlightenment in non dualism it’s just a question about this whole thing that has been going on on tumblr and other communities about manifestation and non dualism.
I’ve been on this journey of manifestation, law of assumption, non duality etc etc for a year now and the main thing that kept popping up in my head was “is this concept true?”
The concept that I’m talking about is: “we are the creators of our reality”
Honestly, this journey has brought me a lot of suffer because I’m a natural overthinker, skeptical, a tad pessimistic and extremely self judging. So I would often feel dumb and stupid for believing I could actually change my WHOLE life and manifest things that would be seem as actually absurd and impossible.
This experience of seeing so many times people saying “we are limitless” or “everything is malleable” “you can get anything you want” has dragged me into this rabbit whole of full peace of mind and hope and then being totally ripped apart by negativity, pessimism and skepticism.
I’m honestly tired and I really, really, really need to get out of it, so you are my hope of weather I should continue my journey to get a better life or finally have a closure on this whole world of manifestation, shifting realities etc
Is it really possible? I’m asking this with my whole heart and soul. It is possible to experience this reality shiftings, changes of physical appearance, revise past and all that?
I really need to put an end on my suffering and move on with my life and I rather know the final answer now instead of wasting my life on things that won’t happen and just end up more frustrated in the future.
Can we change our 3D world (I know you said there’s no separation, but as I said I can’t speak in a non duality way I’m sorry) or we just have to accept we can only control to a certain point?
Is it true that if I’m not meant to be rich no matter what I do, I won’t? That no matter how hard I try I could never “attract” a specific person? Is it true that the only thing I can do in this life is find peace by accepting that certain things are meant to be and never changed? Is accepting that I am not limitless like as all those bloggers, teachers, Neville Goddard claimed I am?
I’m sorry if this ask is heavy or if my words were harsh somehow. I don’t want to put a responsibility on your shoulder, I just really need to find peace and I need a final answer.
Thank you!
Here's the thing Anon: No one can help you but yourself. As harsh as it sounds, IT is what IT is, i'm not sugarcoating anything, it's a bit long and wordy so read carefully.👁️📿
In tibet we have these sayings:
1. ཝ་གསུང་ཞོད་དུ་གཅིག་སྤྱོད་དུ། "You can offer a handful of grass to the cow, but you can't force it to graze."
2. མཐུད་སུམ་བསྡུས་ཀྱི་སེང་གེ་མ་དམ་ཅོ། "You can present the scriptures, but you can't enlighten the mind."
Even though i tag my stuff with "#nondualism" and a lot of people associate me with it, i don't follow any concept in particular. I only point you into the direction of "THAT". What you do with it, is your choice. You said you've been on a "journey" with lots of concepts like LoA, Manifestation, ND. Ask yourself, what exactly has been keeping you from actually turning within into silence instead of gathering one concept after another? Who decides that something is "impossible" and "absurd" like you said? I know you already told me that you'll talk in concepts but i still have to ask, are the limitations you have set for yourself REALLY fundamentally a thing? Do they exist if you aren't aware of such limitations?
Emptiness
NO concept is true, untrue or real. No words are true, untrue or real. I could tell you "no, Non Dualism or "AWARENESS" is not true. You can't change your life" but that's going to have a negative impact on you, wouldn't it? Why is that so? Those words don't prove anything to you. They are just words.
EVERY word is empty by nature, we give meaning to them. If i told you "བདག དངབ བསམ ངས་ཡང་ཡིན་གསལ" could you do anything with that sentence? No, because that sentence has no meaning to you.. you don't speak the language. Whatever I said, is meaningless to you. But if I translated it in english, you would be able to understand because you speak english and give it meaning (-> what was once meaningless and empty, now has an illusory meaning given by you). Got it?
What I'm trying to say is that it is important to understand that words have no meaning whatsoever BY NATURE and because they are meaningless BY NATURE, we can tell you whatever we want to, it is up to you alone what you're going to do with that. Does that make any sense to you? I hope i got my point across on how we give meanings to every empty word.
We do the same thing with different situations.
A stormy day can be the worst day ever for you but for someone else, it's the best thing ever.
If someone told me my content is trash, i do not care. If someone told 18 year old Koda her content is trash, i would've wasted a thought or two on that statement. If Dechen (my boyfriend, co-admin) read that we're spreading lies he would've written an essay telling that person to shut up & move along 2 years ago, but now he'd ignore it because he couldn't care any less. Now, everything is meaningless for everyone. I can decide if I want to be affected by those words, or not. If i told you "Everything's a lie" , what are you going to do then? Are you going to abandon everything just because I, someone you find "reliable", said so? If that's what you would do, why? What made you attach so much importance to a random "person"?
Is it true?
"Is it true that [...]"
"Is it true that [...]"
"Is it true that [...]"
Who are you asking? Me? Why? Do you want it to be true or untrue? Since all words are meaningless and empty by nature, is there a difference between the words "true and untrue" or is it the same "Emptiness"? You alone make your decisions. I can point you towards "IT" but 'you' are the one who's going to recognize "IT" or not. I have nothing to do with that descision.
Read whatever you want to. Practise whatever you want to or don't. At the end of the day, you alone give meaning to the meaningless. You can define emptiness but that doesn't change its Nature which is "emptiness", "nothingness" whatever-ness.
Definitions
"I'm an overthinker, skeptical and pessimistic."
What made you come to that conclusion? In order to answer that, i assume you have to think and list all moments in which you were overthinking, skeptical and pessimistic but are you able to answer that question without thinking? If you aren't thinking, WHAT or WHO are you? Are those thoughts you define yourself by, real in any way or are you just aware of different behaviors and define them as "overthinking, skepticism, pessimism" after thinking about it? Could you define yourself for me, without thinking? Try it.👀
Enlightenment?
You said you are not "looking for enlightenment" from ND , what exactly are you looking for then? Only a "person" can get enlightened, but there is no actual "person" here. What is, is. All concepts only POINT you to one direction -> "IT". Some, like advaita vedanta, are more direct than many limited & watered down versions of ND people now call "Law of Consciousness or Law of Assumption "with extra steps" on tumblr or twitter. In my humble and illusory opinion, it is nonsense but does it matter?👁️
The non-existent "I"
"Is it true that if I'm not meant to be rich no matter what I do, I won't? That no matter how hard I try I could never "attract" a specific person? Is it true that the only thing I can do in this life is find peace by accepting that certain things are meant to be and never changed? Is accepting that I am not limitless like as all those bloggers, teachers, Neville Goddard claimed I am?" -> define and show me the "i" you keep talking about. Do it without thinking. If you ponder on it long enough on a deep level, you will instantly answer your own Questions and the "i" you are talking about. Define and show me your doubts without thinking. There is no person to believe in anything, no person that is actually doubting, no person that is actually here.
「You can mold clay into a pot but that doesn't change the fact that it is clay and will always be clay」
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badchoicesworld · 9 months
Note
Heyyyy I really love ur writing! And also kind of ur vibe as a person 😳 but anyway!
Since you said we can be specific, I wanted to ask about Hobie getting a just a little bit flustered when receiving genuine heartfelt compliments and affection through words bc it catches him off guard. He'd also find the reader a bit naive at first only to find out that they're actually incredibly cunning and calculated. They just come across as naive bc they're so ridiculously sweet once they trust someone :3 (and it always looks like they trust quickly bc they have insane psychoanalytic abilities but now I'm rambling;;; (⁠´⁠⊙⁠ω⁠⊙⁠`⁠)! )
Hope this isn't too much ^^"
hobie realises you’re not as naive as he thought
hobie brown x gn!reader
omggg 😳 tyy anonnnn you got me blushing n shit 🤭 but no fr, ty that’s so sweet lmao <33 and no, this was perfect, ily
warnings: none
pairing: hobie brown x gn!reader
requests: masterlist plz
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★⋆ ⋆☆⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆☆⋆⋆★✧
on first inspection, to hobie, you appear to be this person that trusts way too easily and immediately treats people way too kind for a person you just met- you seem clueless and completely naive when it comes to putting your trust in others since you’re so quick to do it
hobie doesn’t think it’s a bad trait at all to be inherently kind, but when you’re kind to literally everyone you immediately deem trustworthy, it’s like you’re looking to get hurt
he might occasionally have one of his rants to you about the ins and outs of the “real world”, propaganda that surrounds you, distracting you from the truth, the sharks at the top of it all, the people that would take advantage of you
there’s no ill intent, he just really thinks you’re gonna get hurt like that
and who wants that ?
so yeah, anyway, when he first meets you, he can basically see the switch once you’ve realised he’s trust worthy
you’re the sweetest person ever without prompt, and it admittedly looks like nativity to him at first
but because you now trust him, it means you’ll be a sweetheart to him
at first, it’s small compliments that he can appreciate- maybe something about his style or rebellious attitude that he’s heard all before
but you suddenly amp it up for no reason one day and it just completely turns the tides
if you’re aware of his secret identity, you change his perception of you completely when you basically soul read him
you manage to craft the most heartfelt, genuine, sincere acknowledgement of the sacrifices he’s made, along with genuine thanks and somehow stating the closest interpretation of his emotions that he’s ever heard before. from someone that isn’t him, anyway
hell, you’ve maybe even just helped him realise a few things about himself
he’s fucking gobsmacked
he stares at you as if you’ve just said the most outrageous but enlightening thing ever to be uttered
slack jawed, eyes wide, completely silenced for a solid while
he’s eventually able to process wtf you just said to him, and now he’s just trying to play it off with a really goofy grin that doesn’t hide he’s flustered
hobie’s doing all sorts with his hands to try distract the both of you- gestures while he tried to defend the little of his pride he has left, holding the back of his neck, maybe nudging you or shaking your whole frame
he gets the faintest idea that you might be just a little less naive than he though, but not entirely
that might have just been a lucky guess, after all
you’re definitely smarter in his eyes, though
depending on your status, if you’re a spider-person, from a different dimension, from his dimension- it doesn’t matter, he’s intrigued by you now
might brag a bit or be like “can you believe this?” when he sees you soul reading someone else
now there’s been multiple times throughout your guys’ friendship where you manage to slap him with some ungodly wisdom relating to him out of absolutely nowhere, and it never fails to catch him off guard
of course, hobie’s effortlessly cool, so being caught off guard is gonna keep making him feel a little vulnerable and flustered
especially when you just casually do one of the most in depth psychoanalysis of him ever for like the third time this week
he’s starting to think that you know something the rest of the multiverse doesn’t, how do you do that ?
“alright, alright! allow it, man, allow it.”
he’s laughing, but he’s also questioning where you stand in the world, are you secret intelligence ? tf is goin on
if you weaponise this ability to read people like an open book, then he can have fun with it
now it’s funny
especially if you guys are spider-people together and he just casually points out a villain you’ve been assigned to, with a look that says “ruin them”
this can also happen to random people on the street
it’s like how he can completely destroy peoples perception and faith in the establishment n all that, if you so choose, you can really make people feel seen or completely vulnerable or called out
after these encounters with bad people, he realises something about you
you’re somehow able to just know who to trust, and your guts never wrong
he wonders if it’s your spider-sense at first, if you have that
now he’s starting to piece everything together
you can easily distinguish between the good and bad people- the good you immediately trust and treat like an old friend
the bad, you never give the time of day
you’re always so quick to trust, and naive
but it’s starting to become clear to hobie that this isn’t nativity, you just have an uncanny ability to know people before they even introduce themselves
it’s kind of reassuring in a way, if he’s ever doubtful about someone, he’ll go to you and be like “thoughts?” then you can relay this insanely detailed psychoanalysis of this person you’ve just met
now he sees you as this incredibly insightful person, a lovely individual who has the potential to ruin lives with your insane ability to call people out
bonus:
if you guys are spider-people together, you’re both pretty well known for running your mouths
you instil fear
★⋆ ⋆☆⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆☆⋆⋆★✧
as always, lemme know if this ate or not and i’ll try my best to fix it !
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ckret2 · 5 months
Text
Chapter 29 of human Bill Cipher will find a way out of being the Pines' prisoner or so help him, featuring:
Summerween!!!!
and also:
Henchmaniacs.
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Kryptos doesn't actually talk like that, it's just how he's currently feeling.
####
January 1, 1982
"You're late," Bill said, a bit reproachfully.
Ford gave him a surprised look. "Did we have an appointment?" He didn't remember one. He was pretty sure he'd remember an appointment with his muse, even if he'd made it in a dream.
"Pfff, appointments are for people without an eternity of time! No, I'm just used to you dreaming by midnight. It's weird for you to stay up past two when you aren't working on a project."
"I suppose it is." Ford was flattered Bill was paying close enough attention to notice his sleep habits. "I thought I'd stay up late to bring in the new year."
"The what?"
"The... new year?" What wasn't registering. How do you explain New Year's to an alien/angelic messenger? "It's when—"
"Oh, oh right." Bill waved off the rest of Ford's explanation. Several calendars and clocks spiraled in the air like a Ferris wheel in front of Bill, "Between trying to figure out whether you meant it was 0 Pop or Tishrei 1, I completely forgot about Chaos 1. You guys have too many calendars!"
And he'd skipped over January entirely. Wryly, Ford said, "The next time somebody asks for my input, I'll let them know you want us to use a few less."
Bill laughed. "Smart aleck." The calendars and clocks vanished. "And all you did to celebrate was stay up a little later than usual? No parties? Okay, I know you don't know anyone throwing a party—but you didn't even celebrate at a bar?" Bill ruffled his hair. "All work and no play makes Ford a dull boy!"
Ford endured the ruffling. He wasn't quite sure whether Bill was scolding him for staying up celebrating, or for not celebrating enough. "I... suppose I could celebrate in here?"
"What do you want, a fireworks show?" In the distance in Ford's mindscape, a single large firework exploded. It shifted colors, purple to yellow to green to red, before fading. "I don't think so! If you wanted fireworks, you should've gone to the show on the lake. I've got some prophecies to pass on, and I'd rather get to them this REM cycle."
By "prophecies" he probably meant a random assortment of warnings about Ford's upcoming week, which historically had varied in severity from "don't visit the lake Tuesday evening or you'll get caught in a snowstorm and die of hypothermia" to "you'd better get groceries in the morning before they sell out of your toothpaste brand." And Ford was always grateful for such messages—but now he wished he could see what sort of fantastical color-changing dream fireworks show his muse could put on. "I take it it's not a new year on your calendar."
"I don't keep track of that stuff. When you're as ancient as me, celebrating the new year is like celebrating a new hour."
Bill had so easily brushed off the implicit invitation to discuss "his" calendar. Ford wasn't surprised. Over the years of sporadic meetings with his muse, Ford had noted that Bill never shared information about where he'd come from or how he filled his time when he wasn't bestowing his wisdom—as if Bill was a thing that simply is, a muse that offered inspiration because it was made to inspire, with no history or identity outside of its role in service to humanity. He always dodged the questions gracefully.
But he never seemed bothered that Ford had asked. In fact, as long as Ford didn't pry into Bill's history and kept his inquiries comfortably shallow, Bill always seemed happy to receive personal questions. Ford had found that even when Bill talked like he was in a hurry, it was very easy to get him off track (and consequently extend his visit to two or three more dreams) by asking him about himself.
Ford wondered why that was. Was it a part of his duty—was he compelled to answer his chosen students' questions, to enlighten them on the mysteries of the universe, to help tug back the curtain of reality to reveal wonders unknown—wonders that included Bill himself? Or perhaps Bill was used to students seeing him as a source of knowledge without seeing him. Perhaps he was grateful that somebody was interested in him enough to ask.
Whatever the case—Bill clearly liked being asked about himself, and Ford liked getting his muse to stick around a little longer than planned. So rather than letting Bill get on to the prophecies he'd promised, Ford asked, "Do you ever... participate in any human holidays? After all, you've offered so much to humanity. I'm sure any of your prior protégés would have been honored to invite you as a guest to our celebrations. I would be honored." And Ford wouldn't mind having friendly company on the holidays that he'd gotten in the habit of ignoring until they shrank to nothing but a square on a calendar.
"Ha, I know you would! But no, not really," Bill said. "Don't get me wrong, it's not that I look down on your cute little local festivals. They just don't have any relevance to me! A celebration of a bountiful harvest, a prayer to get through the winter, the veneration of a local long-dead celebrity... I come from a timeless realm of divinity, sublimity, color and light! Most of your planet's holidays are about issues that don't matter to me."
"Ah. I see," Ford said. "Are there any human holidays you care about?"
Bill mulled over the question. "Maybe one or two."
####
June 22, 2013
Bill thundered down the stairs, charged into the kitchen, and announced to the Pines, "If I don't get to wear a Summerween costume I will literally die."
Without looking up from the morning paper, Ford said, "Then die."
####
It took ten minutes for Bill to bargain Ford up from "death" to permission to wear a costume—provided that it was free; that Bill agree to stay inside for the holiday without complaint (WITHOUT COMPLAINT) no matter what fun activities he heard happening outside; that Ford didn't have to do anything to help Bill obtain said costume; and that Bill take a dang shower.
Bill groaned. "Another shower already?"
"You wouldn't need so many if you didn't insist on running around in an acrylic sweater and polyester leggings in summer."
Bill knew that. That was one of the reasons he did it. It was useful for the humans to think the showers were their idea.
Bill agreed to all terms, and even volunteered to get the dang shower over with now so they could both get on with the rest of their days.
He'd never admit it, but Bill had been wanting a shower. Not for the hygiene, but for the privacy. This was the first time he'd had a door between himself and the Pines since he'd broken the shack's unicorn hair barrier.
Time to call in reinforcements.
Bill covered the mirrors, turned on the shower, undressed, stuck his head under the shower stream so that if anyone barged in on him he could use his wet hair as proof he'd been showering, and squinted through the wooden door to confirm there weren't any humans lurking nearby. Coast was clear—but wow, it hurt to bend his eye that way. He rubbed at it irritably as he set up his ring of candles again, and wasn't surprised when his fingertips came away bloody. He thought it hurt more than it had last time. He wondered how many more times he could glance into higher dimensions before this body's eyeballs gave out on him. Hopefully he wouldn't need them that long.
He drew Kryptos on the floor, lit the candles, and started muttering the chant to summon him. "Rhombus sapphirinus. Fraternitas, caritas..."
The steamy air went chill, the water pattering in the tub grew muffled, the whole world slowed and paused. For weeks, Bill's every attempt to break into the mindscape had been a futile strain; but now, instead, the mindscape surged up and swallowed him into its gray twilight, like evening embracing the land on the heels of sunlight's departure. Bill knew he wasn't awake anymore. It was working.
A force outside of Bill borrowed his throat to speak the last of the ritual—it worked!—and before his eyes, a diamond window opened into the Nightmare Realm.
####
Standing at the edge of one of the Quadrangle of Qonfusion's many perpendicular floors, arms crossed, scowling deeply, Pyronica glared at a neon-acidic cotton candy nebula light years away. "Guys," she said, "it's doing the thing again."
8 Ball, Keyhole, and Zanthar glanced away from their video game toward the nebula. Amorphous Shape peeled a few squares off a column to peer at it with Hectorgon.
"Look at this." Pyronica clapped her hands.
In the nebula, crackles of lightning-like bolts of light millions of miles long shot through the starry clouds. A noise like thunder boomed from it, rattling the Quadrangle. An ugly statue fell off a column-shaped pedestal and landed on a wall.
She clapped twice more—each time, eliciting more lightning—then gestured emphatically at the nebula. "How am I doing that!"
"Can't be you controlling it," Amorphous Shape said. "That nebula's over a dozen light years away. That light had to have happened years ago, we're just seeing it now."
Already turned back to his video game and determinedly trying to murder Keyhole, 8 Ball said, "Maybe the nebula's controlling you."
Pryonica said flatly, "You think a bunch of stars is making me clap."
"Eh. Like astrology or something."
Hectorgon said, "Could be a time loop thing."
"Could be," Amorphous Shape said thoughtfully.
Pyronica threw up her hands, which made the distant nebula's colors shift slightly. "If it's not weird butterfly effects or faster-than-light light, it's time loops. I hate this place. All it'd take is a hard sneeze to knock the whole dimension down."
She'd been saying things to such effect for the past few months. Consequently, nobody really paid much attention to the latest round of griping about the Nightmare Realm's poor maintenance, until she said, "I'm bailing on the Quadrangle. Soon as I can find a decent rock in some other dimension. Who else is coming?"
8 Ball glanced down at Pyronica from the floor with their gaming setup. "Hold on, are you serious?" He quickly had to look away as Zanthar took advantage of the distraction to attack.
"Yeah, I'm serious. I don't wanna break up the gang, but I'm sick of this dump."
Huddled on a nearby wall like an unemployed gargoyle, Paci-Fire said solemnly, "I will stay, Mother. The Quadrangle of Qonfusion is the only home I have ever known."
"Probably one of my worst life decisions," Pyronica muttered. "The Quadrangle isn't our home, it was Bill's. We're just... just..."
Ducking in from between two columns that seemed to lead to a purple-shadowed nighttime meadow, Teeth said, "Eternal couch-surfers."
"Ha! Yeah, that. Hey, where you been the past week?"
"Took a wrong turn to the bathroom. I ended up in that pocket dimension Bill grounded the electrical wiring into."
"Again?"
"I never know how many times to cross that one infinitely looping hallway!"
Pyronica gestured at Teeth. "See, this place is a complete mess. We'd be better off moving to any other dimension. And you'd like living in a real dimension if you gave it a shot, Paci!"
"No." Paci-Fire crossed his arms. "I do not want to."
"At least think about it. Wouldn't you like to live somewhere that has moons? Instead of going on a road trip to another dimension every time you want to drive a civilization to extinction?"
Keyhole muttered, "I hate those stupid road trips. They're always a zillion light years long and we never do anything fun."
"Hey!" Pyronica pointed at Keyhole. "Watch it! My kid's a lunarcide prodigy, he gets to go on as many moon-destroying trips as he wants!"
Keyhole cringed. "Right, right, sorry." 8 Ball muttered something disparaging about Keyhole's intellect, right before blowing him up for the second time.
Paci-Fire asked, "And say we were to move to a dimension with more moons. What would we do when the authorities follow us home after another successful slaughter?" A side-effect of growing up in the Henchmaniacs was that Paci-Fire regarded The Authorities as a nebulous bogeyman that was personally out to get him and all his family and friends. "Are we to lock the door and cower from them like—like cowards? Or constantly flee from one dimension to the next? No, Mother. I do not wish to live like a pariah in the dark corners of—" his lower mouth sneered around his pacifier, "civilized dimensions. There is nowhere safer for us than the Nightmare Realm."
"Sweetie, you don't have to be afraid of the authorities in other dimensions—"
"Mother! I know no fear." Paci-Fire's eyes flared a bright, dangerous red.
Pyronica playfully tugged one of his horn. "We can find a dimension as primitive as 46'\ without any interstellar cops. Like—which dimension were you from, Teeth, it doesn't even have any organized space authorities, does it?"
"Oh, yeah, pretty much every world in my galaxy was still ground bound when Bill recruited me." Teeth stepped on a column, slid off, and shuffled around it, trying to remember which side doubled as a walkway to the kitchen. "I don't really mind staying here, though. I mean yeah, we don't have a roof, or consistent walls, and the wiring's a mess. But the rent's really reasonable for a place this size in this part of the Nightmare Realm."
Hectorgon processed that. "Hold on." He lay on a wall and slid up it until he was mouth level with Teeth. "You've been paying rent?"
Teeth paused mid-column. "Wh—yeah? What's that supposed to mean?"
Pyronica bit her lip to keep from laughing, elbowed Paci-Fire, and hissed, "I thought Bill was joking about charging Teeth rent!"
Paci-Fire murmured, "Bill Cipher was always a most droll prankster."
"Who are you paying it to?" Hectorgon asked.
"I mean—I was paying it to Bill. But I dunno who took that over, so I guess, kinda... no one?"
With a mildly offended tone, Hectorgon lied, "You were supposed to give it to me now."
"Oh." Teeth shifted awkwardly. "Uh... sorry, Hect, no one told me. I don't think I've got enough on hand to cover all the..."
"It's fine, everything's been topsy-turvy since... the last few months. Just give me what you have and pay back the rest as soon as you can, okay?"
"Sure, sure, no problem. Thanks, man."
Pyronica bit her lip to keep from laughing. "All right, so Teeth is stupid enough to stay here."
"Hey!"
"But I don't see why the rest of us should be." She looked up at the trio playing games below her, then tried to remember which stupid paradox staircase led to that level. She hesitantly headed up one that looked promising. "Moving out would be worth it just to be somewhere with consistent physics!"
"I am contented with the inconsistent physics," Paci-Fire said.
"It took you fifty years longer than most kids to learn how to walk," Pyronica said. "I know you're my little genius! It's this dimension that's holding you down!" 
"Boo," Paci-Fire said sulkily.
"Paci, you don't even like the Quadrangle. Nobody does."
Amorphous Shape let out a chorus of sharp gasps. They slid around a corner and reappeared sliding from the underside of the staircase to the top, laying zigzag atop the steps to glare at Pyronica. "Excuse us."
"I'll step on you, Morph," Pyronica threatened. Amorphous Shape grudgingly slid over for her to pass. "Fine, Bill's stupid 2D groupies like the Quadrangle. But the rest of us don't."
"What's wrong with it?" Morph demanded.
"What's—?!" Pyronica gestured upward at the floor below them. "You don't see the problem with this?!"
"It's supposed to be like that. It's a shortcut." 
"It's a—!" Pyronica covered her face and suppressed a scream. "It's giving me vertigo!"
"It doesn't give us vertigo," Morph said defensively. They partially peeled off the steps to look at Hectorgon. "Does it give you vertigo?"
"No, I'm fine."
"What about you, Kryptos?"
There was no answer.
"Krypt?" Morph reluctantly peeled off the stairs entirely and hovered in the air to try to get a better view.
"He probably got sucked into The Void," Keyhole muttered, "it was vibrating this morning."
8 Ball sighed. "Why do we even have that Void?"
"Man, I dunno."
Pyronica ascended to the bottom of the stairs, sat on the arm of the gamers' couch, and said, "The point is—none of us need this place. I got by fine before joining Bill, most of you guys did too, and we can get by just fine now without squatting in his weird architecture project."
She leaned behind Keyhole and 8 Ball to poke Zanthar's arm. "Big Z, you still have worshippers in your home dimension, right? Aren't you still getting offerings?"
Zanthar shrugged noncommittally.
"They've still got legends of you, you can whip them back into shape in no time. Keyhole, you've got family—"
Without looking away from the screen, where he was losing hideously, Keyhole muttered, "I'm not moving back in with my mom."
"I'm not talking about your mom, stupid, what about your sisters?" 
Keyhole winced, though it was hard to tell whether it was from Pyronica's question or from getting killed for the third and final time. "I don't know... Bill and I were talking about them once, and I realized they're as bad as Mom was. Bill said probably the only reason they didn't treat me as bad is because they never got the opportunity—"
"Who cares what Bill said," Pyronica snapped. "Bill's dead! We don't have to listen to him anymore!"
"Hear hear," 8 Ball muttered; but he couldn't throw in anything else, lest Zanthar blow him up and win the match.
Pyronica said, "Face it: the only reason the rest of us didn't leave the Nightmare Realm millennia ago is because Bill couldn't leave."
Morph drifted through the kitchen—reaching around Teeth to grab a drink out of the fridge as they passed—and unfolded questioningly around a corner. "There you are."
Kryptos was in the rec room, lounging on Bill's stupid tacky optical illusion throne with the fabric of reality upholstery, staring out a window (or skylight, depending on your point of perspective). He grunted at Morph.
Morph said, "Bill's gonna be furious you're using his throne."
"Whatever. Z's already spilled time punch on the armrest." Kryptos pointed at the patch of reality on the armrest that was out of chronological synch with the rest of the throne.
"He's not gonna be furious," Pyronica said, shouting through the doorway that inexplicably connected to the rec room. "He's not gonna be anything because he's dead. He died. D-E-A-D."
"He's not." And suddenly Morph were in Pyronica's face, all of their polygons and lines and piercing slitted eyes circling her head like angry moons. Keyhole leaned toward 8 Ball to see the screen around them, and 8 Ball elbowed him back over. Morph said, "He can't be. If Bill was dead, the Nightmare Realm would be falling apart even faster—"
"So let's bail while we can—"
"—but it's not," they said. "If anything, its degradation is slowing down. That would be impossible if he were dead, he's instrumental to holding the Nightmare Realm together—"
"Unless he lied about that, and he was actually making everything worse," Pyronica said.
"Bill's not a liar! We have the data to prove it, we've been measuring the degradation for billennia—"
"I'm sick of your stupid measurements! It was your 'measurements' that said 46'\ was perfect to take over! Was that stupid barrier part of your measurements?!"
"That barrier was extremely localized, there's no way we could have detected—"
"The portal was right in the middle of it! How did you idiots miss it?!"
8 Ball groaned as Zanthar whittled away the last of his HP. Zanthar let out a gentle hum like the sound of an apocalyptic vacuum cleaner as the game declared him the winner.
8 Ball tossed his controller at the TV. The TV squealed in fear. "If Bill is alive, that's just another reason to get out of the Nightmare Realm! Leave before he gets back! He can play king in this dump by himself."
Paci-Fire said, "Surely, you do not mean that. Were Bill still around..."
"No! No, I do mean it! The only reason we've stayed so long is because everyone's too starstruck or too scared to ditch him! Not anymore! If his flat-brained cultists wanna wait for him, fine! But why do we all gotta stay?"
"Hey!" Hectorgon rushed in from the kitchen to snarl at 8 Ball. "Who're you calling flat, cue tip—?"
Kryptos tuned out the argument downstairs/next door as 8 Ball and Hectorgon started brawling. Who were they kidding? Nobody was leaving. Maybe 8 Ball, he'd tried to split four or five times before crawling back, but Kryptos didn't care about him anyway. Bill had always been right about him: he was too selfish to care about the rest of the gang but too stupid to make it on his own. They'd taken in losers like that before and it had never been a big loss when they left. But no one else would leave. Where would they go?
Where could they go?
Kryptos didn't care about the outerplanar Henchmaniacs' reasons for joining Bill; but the shapes were here because Bill had promised to make them a new home. He was the only one in all of reality who could do it. Kryptos was as desperate to hear from Bill as Morph and Hect were. They'd held fast to Bill's promise for a trillion years—so how could they let go of whatever thin thread of that hope remained? Who would they be if they lost it?
But in his heart, Kryptos didn't really believe Bill was out there. He'd been gone too long. And Kryptos couldn't imagine anything less catastrophic than Bill's destruction could have reversed Weirdmageddon.
Yet he was still here, and still waiting, because he didn't know what else to do. He'd stay in the Quadrangle until the whole realm finally fell apart, just in case Bill casually floated back in one day. He'd do anything they could think of to find him and bring him back.
And then Kryptos got a call from Earth.
He sighed heavily.
Calls from Earth weren't unusual. Perks of having helped found the Fishmasons: Kryptos was occasionally summoned by the Fishermen high-ranked enough to be told their organization really did know an interdimensional alien who was their de facto secret leader and presided over their most important rituals. Assuming "de facto secret leader" meant "living equivalent of a beloved sports team mascot," and "presided over" meant "got free invitations to," and "most important rituals" meant "most fun parties." But the humans liked to pretend that their little group was a lot more important and cloak-and-dagger than the social club it really was; and all the wink-wink-nudge-nudge pretending-Kryptos-was-in-charge, while silly, was also kind of flattering. You didn't get many chances to be the star of the show when you lived around a supernova like Bill.
So, Kryptos got calls from Earth from time to time—at least a handful a year—typically from a middle-aged man in a business suit trying to pretend he wasn't giddy about being the guy who'd gotten permission to pull out the candles and contact The Alien.
Kryptos was not in the mood to talk to humans. Humans were why they were in this mess. Humanity could go jump in a lake.
But it wasn't every human's fault that a handful had somehow taken out Bill. And maybe they were calling for a party. Maybe it would cheer him up.
So he sighed again, half heartedly shouted, "Guys—guys, shut up a second, I'm getting a call," and opened up a window to Earth.
His vision was filled with a brown-skinned golden-haired haunted-eyed human who, at the sight of Kryptos, gave him a relieved, face-splitting smile. "H—"
Kryptos hung up.
To reiterate: he took calls from middle-aged men in business suits. That was a naked woman crouched on the floor like an animal.
"Who was it?" Hectorgon asked.
"No one. Some woo-woo witchy type who probably dug up a leaked Fishmason ritual online."
Hectorgon laughed. "I bet it thought it could ask a 'demon' for lottery numbers."
"Sorry, sister, but that's Bill's schtick," Kryptos said. "My number is unlisted for a reason."
Kryptos wondered about Bill's human pals. Well—"pals" was a bit of a stretch—devotees and students. How often did he get calls? And now they couldn't reach him.
Stinks for them. Must be awful, reaching out to someone in another dimension for help and getting nothing back.
####
An ethereal, sourceless voice whispered in Bill's ear, "The all-knowing dream demon you're trying to reach is currently unavailable for visions and prophecies. If this is an emergency, wake up and call your nearest Masonic lodge. Otherwise, please leave your prayers or petitions after the beep." Beep.
Bill stared, jaw dropped, at the empty patch of air where Kryptos had been projecting just a moment ago. After several seconds of mute outrage, Bill said, "Kr... Kryptos. You... I swear, if you don't get back here this SECOND—"
The sheer force of his anger woke him up. His eyes fluttered open to the world of color and humidity and pattering water. He grabbed every towel he could reach, wadded them up, and screamed into them. "KRYPTOS YOU SON OF A— I KNOW YOU NEVER CHECK YOUR VOICEMAIL! AND WERE YOU ON MY THRONE, WERE YOU SITTING ON MY SPECIAL THRONE—!"
He shrieked until his lungs were empty.
####
At sixty minutes exactly, Ford knocked and opened the bathroom door. Bill stood scowling behind it.
Dryly, Ford asked, "Have a pleasant shower?"
Wet hair hanging in tangles, face flushed red, eyes even redder, Bill snapped, "Yeah. Refreshing."
####
"Mabel?"
Mabel glanced down from the stepladder at Bill, then pointedly looked away and continued taping Summerween decorations to the hallway wallpaper. "What."
"Mabel," Bill tried again, a touch more pleading. "O great Shooting Star. My hero. My one and only friend in this hostile universe. Last person who hasn't utterly forsaken me." He leaned on the wall, the back of his hand pressed to his forehead. "The sole illumination in the dark night of my accursed postmortem existence—"
Mabel grudgingly looked at Bill again. "What do you want?"
"Listen: I know I upset you at the mall, and I still need to make it up to you—I do, I do, I just haven't had a chance yet—and you're still a little mad at me, okay—buuut... can you help me make a costume." He pressed his hands together. "Please. I'll owe you one. I'll be in your debt. Just let me dress up for Summerween."
Mabel frowned at him. She frowned a little more. She said, frowning, "You're so lucky I love costumes."
####
(Next week: Summerween part 2!! Thanks for reading, if you enjoyed I'd love to hear from y'all what you think! I've been waiting to get to the Henchmaniacs for a long time. Mainly in the hopes y'all will yell at me for putting Bill through heck again.)
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seat-safety-switch · 7 months
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Becoming rich hasn't changed me. I'm still all about teaching the average person how to fix their own stuff. For instance, I just launched this new YouTube channel called "Accountability." You might think that's a weird name, but let me explain.
Each and every one of the things that has broken on you throughout the course of your life has been touched by an engineering team of some kind. Most of the time, that failure was planned. Even if not malicious, someone's manager told them to cut out all the doomsaying and save a few bucks here and there by making the part flimsier, or stop updating the software, or not give it a second turn in the etchant mixture because we gotta ship this thing now buddy, now, so I can get my bonus.
You can get mad about it all you want, but that anger could be unjustified, something the Buddha says is a big ol' bummer on your road to enlightenment. The question is, how do you know if the failure was planned or if they genuinely didn't know?
That's where my YouTube channel comes in. Remember, it's named "Accountability," and that's just what we do. I spend the billions of dollars that my cocaine kingpin uncle, Sniff Safety-Switch, gave to me on travelling the world, and investigating the individual people behind the things you use (and break) every day.
Then, once I've got them on camera, I tie them to a chair and pull their teeth out, one by one, until they tell me the truth about their quality-assurance plans. Last week, we had the guy who made the little rubber stopper on the end of my cheese grater fall off. He didn't want to spend an extra five cents per unit on a better glue, so he told production to cut it, knowing full well that it would crack after a few years and cause me to slip and scrape my knuckles while preparing a macaroni and cheese feast. Let me tell you this: he is very sorry now, and he would like to offer you a full refund.
Sure, this money might not last long (advertising revenues are in the shitter,) but I don't do it for the money. I do it for humanity. Please like and subscribe.
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snaililita · 6 months
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💫How Much I Adore You💫
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Lyney x Shy!Loving!Reader
Tooth-Rotting Fluff💫
Female!Reader, can make a version with swapped pronouns if requested💫💫💫
Reader is a simp ngl, but this is very indulgent and I'm a simp soooo-
Best read in the voice of a sassy Victorian woman💫💫💫
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Lyney is such a handsome young man you think. His hair styled just so, his posture always so chipper. His eyes such a beautiful lavender and sparkle with a sort of mischievous, but not ill-intented shimmer. His smile always quirked up to one side in a goofy smirk that always made your heart squeeze whenever you saw it.
Of course being the shy person you were, you could never tell him. So instead you simply resort to always silently examining his every move. Every small thing he did made your soul happy, the more mundane the more you felt yourself smile. Maybe he was simply offering you his umbrella or asking if you would like to stop by for tea- even just rambling to you about his sister.
Sure the flashy things he does make you grin, but not as much as the small things. To you, it meant he was comfortable around you. Comfortable being just Lyney. And being able to see all sides of Lyney, including stage Lyney and brother Lyney and just Lyney- it meant the world to you. You love all of Lyney, every version of him there is. Yes, even fatuus Lyney. Not one Lyney can escape your affections.
If only you weren't so shy, if only you could tell him just how much you adore him. Even if he didn't reciprocate your affections, you would be over the moon if he knew that you would stay with him no matter what and that he doesn't have to worry at all around you. That you would do anything for him, no matter how daunting the task in question may be. You wish he would let you into his family, regardless of the manner. To be as open with you as he is his sister and brother, to be able to confide in you his troubles.
So, as you can imagine, you both felt incredibly sad and ecstatic when Lyney came to you after his trial for comfort. He was exhausted and gloomy because of the Traveller's sour (and hypocritical) attitude towards his association with the Fatui. He requested for you to visit for dinner that night, and you agreed of course. Now, you were sitting in his room on his bed with him in your arms.
You dare not ask why he cries now, for you're fairly sure it does not need any explanation. You would cry too if you were in his situation but you could never be bold enough to ask for comfort from someone, no no you would simply cry alone. You admire Lyney's bravery. Of course, he isn't really being brave since you aren't someone who is to judge him and he knows this.
He lays his head in your shoulder as he cries so quietly, you simply rub his back and hug him gently seeing as you are rather awkward with words. Though you did take great care in reminding him that even now that you know of his being a fatui, it changes nothing between you two. That you still trust him the same. This seemed to calm some of his troubles.
He nuzzles himself into your petite embrace, grabbing one of his many blankets and pulling it over the two of you. You find yourself feeling more and more weary, but not negatively, by the moment. Are you to sleep with him? In his bed? Overnight? My goodness you surely were rattled. He seemed to notice this and sighed in exasperation.
He began to stroke your hair gently, or as gently as he could with trembling hands from his previous crying fit. You soon accepted this and found yourself smiling.
(("Thank you, cherie. If only you knew how much I adore you."))
He pecks you on the cheek and runs his fingers through your hair,
(("Perhaps I could enlighten you sometime."))
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titleknown · 1 year
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I noticed a version of this depressing-ass post going around my dash, and I wanted to mention something like that I've noticed in a lot of Highbrow Leftist Critique that I'm really fucking sick of.
Namely, please don't fucking talk about it like it's inevitable and it's already happened rather than a thing we can stop, because People Won't Change It.
Like, as an autistic person who has A Complex due to being let down by people constantly in their life both personally and politically, it does not make me want to change things.
It makes me feel feel helpless and useless and scared, it makes me not want to bother doing anything, because why bother if the tools you use are going to be wrecked.
Not only that, it also makes me feel like the people don't have my back, because that's the underlying assumption I see behind most of them. That it is inevitable because The Horde does not want it.
This is an example of misanthropy posing as enlightenment. It is also fucking poison for any sort of collective action.
Like @headspace-hotel talks about a frustration with that in environmental movements too, and given digital stuff is near and dear to my heart too, I now know how she feels.
Like, I learned a new thing to panic about with the fucking Windows thing (here's how to un-mandate that fucking chip) but not much else!
But there are folks in the reblogs who're actually advocating shit to do about this, shoutout to @dominateeye and @aleran for doing good work, and I suppose that's my point.
Do better, don't let your pessimism become a social contagion, and advocate current action rather than predicting inevitable despair...
...Also; if you're in the US; call your congresspeople about killing these bad copyright bills and this bad censorship bill, because those are the major pathways that hypothetical DRM hellscape is going to use to get their hooks in.
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strawberrymochin · 7 days
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I will be back soon~
Genre- fluff, angst...umm yeah whatever synopsis- kento's baby fever (sorry)
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Kento Nanami having a baby fever was sort of unexpected. Ever since you had known him from his emo canon phase, till his enlightenment of every job in world being shitty, he's a person to get straight to the point. Speak his mind without any barriers of people's opinions.
when you first saw him, among the busy crowds of the station along with bunch of people in similar uniform like him, you chuckled a bit to yourself noting his golden bangs. He looked at you once with a glare as you drop your head down, embarrassed, trying not to make the fact that you were staring at him obvious.
You never saw him after that day of rush hour in 2006.
As time went by, this encounter of you with the sullen guy with blonde side swept bangs had dust fallen over till the memory of it blurred completely from your vision.
Up until 2016, where in a buisness trip back to Tokyo led you to a person, striking a sense of familiarity. 'The Emo Blondie' you recognised from ten years ago.
"Is something wrong, miss? You've been staring at me for past five minutes." He said maintaining a calm demeanor, as blood rushed to your cheeks, ears red burning with embarrassment. "Oh no, I'm fine.....I was ah kinda zoned out." You say blocking your face from his view with the flies you held in your hand.
Insignificant. The memory was totally insignificant— however the evocation came out vividly crisp. As if the picture of that past encounter was engraved in your mind and this meeting with him blew gust of wind, blowing off the dust accumulated over it.
He has always been straight to the point. As mentioned earlier, he even voiced out whenever you got flustered working with him; when he bends down to your desk, hands caging you from both sides as he uses one to show you what changes shall you make in the proposal; his breath would brush on the nape of your neck, sending shivers down your spine, "I think you should focus on the proposal, rather than shying away."
"Huh?"
He would simply walk away. And what annoyed you the most was his same neutral calm expression. Does his manner never falters? He drives you in such embarrassing situations that you would effing wish to die on that moment. Such a menace.
Better start to avoid him. That was your initial plan, which you put to use, ignoring nanami and cutting out any situation where you have to face each other; going for help to other employees rather than the one you're assisted to— 'kento nanami' ofcourse; refusing on lunch together with the group whenever he used to join; avoiding even to look at him.
You thought you were doing good. There were no more embarrassing situations, now that you keep your distance from the so called past emo guy. You were happy life was back in track again.
That night you were working overtime. Finishing it you strech yourself, gathering your bag to go back home, humming to a tune, walking up to the elevator.
The gate opened and your smile dropped. Inside standing was kento nanami— same expression. The air went awkward, tension rising, he kept staring at you with a frown.
"Are you getting in or not?"
"Ah— I am." You give in, actions suddenly involuntary. The doors closed. None of you spoke for a while, till his velvet voice broke the threads of stillness tangling around.
"Are you purposely ignoring me?" His voice sent shivers down your spine, as your eyes widen to look at him. Oh no— you're going red again. I mean how the fuck you're not supposed to, if he's leaning on the elevator walls, with that tight shirt, two buttons open from the collar with a loose tie looped around showing off his pretty collar bones.
"Wha— no" you blatantly lie.
"Lie," he comes closer, dangerously closer till your back touches the cold surface of the elevator, "you obviously seem to avoid my presence."
"Th— that's not the c-case. You see I ahh" your voice falls as his tongue swipes over his pursed lips. "Mhm? I see what?" You want to answer, but the words won't just come out throat.
"You know what I see? I see you having a crush on me which you are hesitant to act upon...." That's it you were done. You passed out of embarrassment. And the next thing you know, when you regain your consciousness is you laying on a bed with warm blankets draped upon, in an unknown bedroom, which you now recognise as your boyfriend's.
"Dating is shit," He said, "but we can try."
It's been two years now you're dating. Nanami started being a sorcerer again as it suited his tastes and you were happy you won't have to listen him venting "work is shit."
You held your pregnency test, hand shaking, as it showed two lines— positive. Nanami wanted a baby, though he never said it directly, but through these blissful years you have learned to pick up on his unspoken words.
You were not ready for a baby. You weren't even married yet. You still had a career, goals to fulfill. However, tears brimmed up your eyes, of unmatchable joy. You couldn't wait to see the look you on your boyfriend's face as you reveal it to him.
Will he be happy? You were nervous. But indeed there was no doubt he wouldn't. His face would creak up, eyes creasing as lips form a huge smile, grabbing your waist spinning you around with joy. Kissing you telling you're the most beautiful blessing to him.
You remember once he told you about his dream when you asked about it randomly. He said he wanted to settle somewhere in Malaysia, with you. So simple yet so beautiful. Maybe it's time to fulfill it. You and nanami, settling in Malaysia as a mini version of you both joins soon. Have a family.
You couldn't wait to see him in the evening near Shibuya as you had a date night with him after he finishes with something that got him engaged real quick. He kissed your forehead before leaving, "I will be back soon." He said inhaling your scent from the crook of your neck.
You hurried to Shibuya, making sure not to forget the pregnancy test with you— a bow wrapped around it. You chuckle being impatient to see his reaction.
Your eyes scanned around to spot the familiar blonde hair. You don't know why people seemed to be in a rush. Unable to find your boyfriend you tilt your head in confusion.
You stroll around trying to find him. The air smells weird, sort of metalic, like— blood. A unsettling feeling crossed your heart. The station seems oddly quite, you turn your head trying to spot people, till you step on something mushy— a hand. It was a human hand you stepped on.
You stumble back, wanting to scream. Blood is scattered everywhere with sliced dead bodies of people. Dread strikes you—"Please don't be here. Please don't be here. Please nanami." — and among the dead bodies you spot him, standing covered in bruises. Half body burnt as a guy had his hand on his back. A wicked smile on his face.
You stilled as nanami looked at you for a second then looking somewhere else. He didn't recognise you from far. It seemed like he's in a daze.
No— you can't just stand there. You have to go and tell him. Tell him that he's going to be a father. Tell him you guys will be shifting to malaysia. Living his dream life.
You take one step towards him, trying to voice out his name— but it's useless. You couldn't.
Your boyfriend's body burst into pieces— the one you cuddled with every night, his crimson red blood splattered everywhere, just infront of your eyes— and you could do nothing. Nothing but stand.
The guy behind him noticed you, smirking deviously, but decided to ignore and run after a pink haired guy as you fall on your knees.
You crawl upto the bloody mess, of your boyfriend. Tears fell down your face as you hand touches him— his blood— smearing it on your face. He looked beautiful— even when he was half burnt. His blood was the darkest shade of red you've ever seen.
Why does everything has to be like this? You didn't even get to tell him about his baby, growing in your womb. You didn't get to see him smile. You didn't get to start a family with him.
'I will be back soon.' He said before leaving.
"You lied." You manage to let out between sobs.
Years passed after that incident. Nanami left this world, but his baby joined it. Your son has the same hair as him, which you like to style in the emo hairstyle in which you first saw his dad.
You shifted to malaysia after that, protecting your son, the only reason for you to live— living namami's dream, which you made yours.
a/n- sorry | ごめん なさい
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atravesty · 1 month
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Relationship Advice from the Universe
If you're currently experiencing conflicts within your romantic relationship, there may be some guidance meant for you below (please heart/share/follow if this resonated with you):
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Pick a Crystal - 1. Brown Goldstone, 2. Dragon's Blood, 3. Aquarmarine
Pile 1 - Brown Goldstone
Ambition, Inspiration/Creativity, Power, Confidence
Tarot: Hermit, Tower, 3 of Pentacles, 10 of Pentacles Reverse
"Stop caring about what they think. This is your life to love and live!"
You may have recently had a falling-out with your love interest, resulting in a need to undergo drastic changes for the best of both yourself and the relationship (or vice versa, please take what resonates). One, or both of you, may have chosen separation after realizing the foundation of the relationship was unstable. You are being called to re-examine and challenge your current foundations; this includes your belief systems, engrained habits, perceptions of self and the world, and everything else that once defined your identity. You may be feeling overwhelmed, and are being called to retreat from external influences for a period of self-reflection to develop a new perspective that will allow for a new, healthier foundation to be built between the both of you. You are being encouraged to seek your inner wisdom through meditation, or other means of contemplation. Think creatively and develop the confidence to make the meaningful changes in your life, however painful, as that will ultimately benefit you in the long run. If there are people in your life that you can trust to collaborate with, such as your love interest, you are being supported in doing so to facilitate collective growth and expansion. You are being warned not to focus excessively on material items, wealth, and status, as this was likely an unhealthy pattern that was detrimental to the relationship that you need to release. Does this fixation stem from insecurities regarding your self worth or scarcity mindset?
Pile 2 - Dragon's Blood
Courage, Adaptability, Healing/Regeneration, Balancing
Tarot: King of Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles Reversed, King of Cups Reversed, Lovers
"You could use some self care time. Like now. Schedule it in."
You may identify as someone who feel secure and comfortable within their lifestyle, full of material and emotional abundance, and able to extend that wealth to your love interest to provide for them as well. You've likely had to undergo a lot of personal growth to achieve your level of success and prosperity, and understand how arduous this journey can be. Despite your generous nature, you may be dealing with a partner/love interest that is currently distant and withdrawn, both from you and their own emotions, resulting in a stagnant relationship (I'm getting that this is likely the early stages of a new connection). You are being called to stop overextending your energy and resources to them, as this is enabling them to remain stagnant in their own growth and causing an imbalance within yourself as well. Personal growth doesn't happen overnight and this can't happen if they still have access to you in the same capacity. Your love interest may be dealing with many burdens that are causing them to withdraw from this connection, and though you likely want to help, this is an opportunity for the two of you to practice self care separately. Healthy boundaries are required for the longevity of this relationship. You must have a healthy balance of giving & receiving, as they are ultimately the one responsible for allowing themselves to be emotionally forthcoming and invested in this relationship.
Pile 3 - Aquamarine
Hope, emotional clarity, spiritual growth/enlightenment, communication
Tarot: 5 of Swords Reversed, 9 of Swords, 10 of Swords Reversed, High Priestess
"Live your life with both feet in. Commit fully to being here."
You may have recently experienced a conflict with your love interest in which they deceived you in some way. They may not have been honest with you about how they feel about you, causing either separation or preventing a relationship from forming to begin with. You are likely not in communication with your love interest at this time, or your communication with them is limited. They have come to the realization that their dishonesty resulted in a lose-lose situation, and wishes to apologize and reconcile with you, however, their intense feelings of regret and despair about their previous actions is preventing them from reaching out to you. You are being called to allow them to surrender to hitting rock-bottom, as this is the only way they can truly begin their recovery and return with a stable offer. Take this is as an opportunity for both of you to heal. They may be going through some sort of spiritual awakening, or at least beginning to become more connected with their intuition, which is guiding them to develop a new perspective to make the proper steps towards you. You and your love interest may both be experiencing dreams, synchronicities, or other gut feelings related to one another, which could indicate a deeper level soul connection between you two. You are being encouraged to relinquish any need to control the trajectory of this relationship and remain hopeful, even if you are not currently in communication with your love interest, and trust that the Universe will align you both in divine timing.
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riizebabie444 · 9 months
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𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙫𝙞𝙗𝙚𝙨 𝙥𝙖𝙘 🌠
🌠 ─── hello and welcome, today’s tarot reading will be a sort of vibe check, basically what vibes me and my cards are getting from you at the moment.
🌠 ─── picking your pile: take a deep breath and allow your soul to centre itself. when you feel your mind balanced and cleared, allow yourself to be drawn to an image. your eyes may gravitate to one, or you may close your eyes and feel which image is calling out.
🌠 ─── be sure to check out my other readings and don’t forget to share and give feedback. disclaimer: all readings done are for entertainment only. please do not use my tarot readings as a replacement for legitimate advice.
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🌠 ─── masterlist. paid readings. exchange rules.
donations. games/events. feedback.
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𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙚 🌠
firstly, i'm getting pile one that you are in creative energy right now. you could be experiencing a bout of inspiration and expressing yourself creatively, such as with art, writing or music. it could also be creativity with problem solving or coming up with a project idea. but i'm sensing there is something playful and personal to you, whatever creative thing you are doing or are planning to do is something you will enjoy. perhaps it is something you did when you were younger. it's going to bring out your inner child, help you understand your deepest passions. it's very nostalgic.
for some of you, you may be spending too much time daydreaming. you have a vast imagination which is a wonderful thing but too much of your time is being spent on what if's and unrealistic desires, such as fantasising about your life as a celebrity when in real life you have homework due that you've not yet completed. like i said, it's great to have a wild and creative imagination, but this is your check in to get control of your mind because it's affecting your productivity and efficiency. you can be ambitious, but be practical also instead of doing things in your head but not in real life.
𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙬𝙤 🌠
for some of you who chose pile two, you may be feeling like your life is chaotic right now. i think for a number of you, not all of you, you may have experienced some conflict recently. perhaps an argument with a family member or falling out with a friend. because of this, you feel like your life is falling apart. for the most part, you guys are going through a strengthening experience. you're stronger than you've been before, and more confident. you may also be struggling to adapt to a new change in your life.
overall, there is shifting energy, like changes are happening in your life. they could be big or small but the majority of you will get through this quickly. even still, you're feeling quite balanced. some of you might be learning something also, or getting ready to learn, such as preparing for the new school year or investing in personal classes. you might be feeling restless, like in an excited way but still nervous for something new. but again, you're handling your anxiousness well. i'm getting calm and balanced energy, but for some of you, you need to get over this tower moment before you can find balance and clarity again.
𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙚𝙚 🌠
some of you are stuck in a shell, others are coming our of your shell. have you been feeling introverted lately? those kinds of moods where you don't want to leave your bedroom or home. you kind of just want to wallow in your own energy and avoid people and situations. i feel like most of you who chose this pile are homebodies anyway so you don't mind being stuck in this energy. but at the same time, you're looking forward to a positive energy shift. you're ready to finally leave your bedroom and see the sun. you're energy is being renewed, you're ready to let go of the loneliness and gloominess.
there is enlightening energy walking away from this isolation. i think some of you might be feeling disconnected from the world and from the people around you. maybe some of you got caught in this energy because of a breakup or a falling out. there is separation involved with some of you which has caused an imbalance in your life but you are slowly finding that balance again and putting effort into making things up to yourself. i don't feel this energy is too depressing, or too sad. however, it's definitely lonely and the decision to escape isolation is in your hands. make those plans you've been thinking about all week. focus on those projects that have been begging for your attention. it takes one small step start the shift in energy.
𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙪𝙧 🌠
are you preparing for something right now, pile four? quite ambitious about something, you're excited for it. i feel like it's taking up your mind for most of the day. you've been looking forward to this. i think for some you're feeling quite practical and productive. i'm getting starting a new job or starting the new school year vibes. you've been looking forward to it. you feel confident. you have in your mind the exact type of person you want to be. you're excited to learn new skills and accomplish what you've been wanting. but you may be having issues with concentration.
for some, i think you have an exam or a project due but you've been neglecting it and it is making you feel frustrated. it's immature on your part. you've also been very materialistic lately, like you want to buy the new trendy thing you saw on the internet or you want to buy a new tech product like a phone or a laptop. you're having thoughts that you won't be happy until you own that thing but the problem is that materialism is like an addiction. you can't keep buying new things that aren't worth the money, it will hold you back. start asking yourself if you really need these things or if you need to start controlling your urges and take time off from the internet.
𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙫𝙚 🌠
pile five, i think you are feeling quite stubborn art the moment. are you refusing to apologise for something? do you feel like others are ganging up on you? you're very determined but you are experiencing energy that is overbearing. it could be you're attitude to others, or others attitude towards you, or even your attitude to yourself. you want to get away from it all. you're feeling quite detached, however you are also feeling great awareness. you understand that with freedom comes vulnerability, but still, you're willing to make sacrifices as long as you can get away.
the energy and thoughts you are having are very much a double edged sword. for example, you're thinking of doing something which will benefit yourself but at the cost of those around you. be mindful of your ambitions because they can be damaging to yourself also. there is a hint of betrayal here, it's not for all of you. are you feeling defeated? do you feel like you're being forced to surrender? it's quite heavy energy, i think you're really going through it, pile five. but my message to you is to not stop planning for your future. despite all that is holding you back, you need a plan for if you ever decide to make the move to get away from it all. things will brighten up eventually.
𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙭 🌠
i think some of you are entering a celebratory period. it doesn't need to be for you necessarily, perhaps you are celebrating for someone else's occasion. but i think those who chose pile six are in a mood to be social and meet with friends and family, maybe dance to music and so on. some of you might be feeling weary of others' intentions. perhaps you don't feel comfortable with the way someone is treating you or you're getting a weird vibe from someone. you shouldn't doubt your intuition but at the same time, don't let it hold you back. go forth and meet with your people, celebrate whatever it is knowing that if anyone tries to hurt you, it's a reflection of their own insecurities, not yours.
as much as you want to, don't go picking for drama or calling people out. remain comfortable in your own wise energy and focus on the positivity in your life and of those around you. that is what will make them shut up, because they know their negativity or toxicity can't affect you. you have dreams and you want to reach them, so go for it. don't let anyone hold you back. let things remain a mystery. you don't need to know every single thing. i'm feeling that you want to be a high energy/high vibe person but you're not cutting out the things and people that lower your vibe. you're feeling afraid but just remember, you'll have so much more to celebrate when you do.
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© riizebabie444 — all rights reserved. please do not copy, steal, repost or translate my readings on any site. any act of which will be classed as plagiarism.
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bbyquokka · 8 months
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bite me
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𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 | bang chan x gender neutral reader
𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄 | angst (if you squint), smut – 18+ is strongly advised!
𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 | you have one last intimate night with chan as human.
𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 | vampire chan, human reader, turning, nipple play, pet names, unprotected penetration, blood consumption (chan feeds), grinding (if i missed any, lmk!)
𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 | 2.8k ~ ( 2,824 )
[ "hey google. play–" ]
m.list — you can also read it on my ao3
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dont repost. dont translate. minors, ageless & default blogs; dni! feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated!
“turn me. i want to be like you.” chan looks down at you, his mouth agape and blood red eyes wide. his eyebrows raised as his eyes flicker along your own face in search for a hint to see whether it's a joke or not.
but all he sees is your confident demeanour. your brows furrowed together as you stare at him whilst you await his answer.
“i. uh, e-excuse me?” he stutters, his mind bewildered
“turn me. i want to be like you.” you repeat with a bit more confidence in your voice. once chan's mind has caught up, does he realized what you're asking of him. he responds with a sigh and a shake of his head.
“no.” you frown. you naively thought chan would have been up to it, turning you into a vampire and having you by his side forever.
“what? why?” you protest.
“because.” chan states before turning his back on you and walking away. 
“don't walk away from me without an explanation, chan!” you shout as you chase after him before standing in front of him. you expected him to look annoyed, brows together and his eyes to roll but instead, all you see is sadness–pain.
“why won't you do it, chan?” your voice is softer this time. chan shifts on his feet, eyes averting your piercing gaze.
“i just won't. it's a bad idea yn, believe me.”
“what? what's so bad about me wanting to be by your side for eternity?” you scoff. your naiveness irritates chan, memories flooding back to him as he recalls how painful it was.
“have you thought this through?” he asks as he finally meets your gaze. you nod. “and i mean, really thought this through.”
“of course i have chan!”
“then rethink it. again and again and again.”
“why are you so angsty right now? i'm asking you to turn me. to be by your side for eternity. isn't that what you want? what we want?”
“you don't understand, yn!” chan runs his hand along his pale face, his teeth chewing on his bottom lip as he jaw clenches.
“then enlighten me. please because i clearly have no idea!”
“i can't subject you to that much pain! i can't be the reason as to why you're hurting! you'll be in pain for the rest of your life, for eternity yn. and i'm not just talking about physical, i'm talking about the mental side of it.”
“i don't understand, chan.” with a slow and heavy sigh, chan takes your hands into his. the warmth of your skin against his stone cold skin is a painful reminder of what he once was–human.
“you will feel hungry all the time. no amount of animals or humans you feed on will suffice. your body will twist and turn, mind snapping and breaking before rebuilding and mending itself. you will experience changes you have never experienced before. painful, mind numbing, exhausting changes.” 
“but i–”
“you will never feel the sun on your skin ever again.” he interrupts. “you will never experience the hot sand on the souls of your feet or eating an ice-cream on a hot day because one step out in that sun and you're nothing but ash in an instant. the night will be your best friend. daylight your worst enemy. you'll have to beg, borrow and steal just to get what you want! you'll be a completely different person yn.” 
you blink before chewing your bottom lip. your attention turns to the way chan is shaking. memories, bad memories flooding and clouding his own mind as he recalls the terror is was for him when he was a mere vampire spawn.
“but i want to be like you, chan.”
“my darling, you can never be like me. i'm not saying that to be mean, however, i'm an ascended vampire! the strongest vampire to ever walk this land and there can only be one.”
“so that means that i won't be able to do what you can do?”
“no, my love. i love you, yn. in all my years of being alive, i've never felt love like i do with you. i can't watch you subject yourself to this pain, this torture if you're truly not ready. you will be a vampire, nothing more and nothing less. you will have the qualities of a vampire but what you can do now as human, you won't be able to do ever again.”
you swallow as you look down at your hands that are currently being held tightly in chan's. your heart thumps against your chest, mind indecisive. 
“i want to forever be with you chan, but that can't happen because one day, i'll die and you'll be alone again.” chan gives you a sullen smile before stroking your cheek gently.
“i know darling but you would've given me the best years of my life. i know what it feels like, i know how much it hurts. i was turned against my will and hearing you say what you're saying and wanting to willing be turned is just baffling to me. i can't subject you to that amount of pain. i can't be the reason as to why you've given up your human life.”
“but chan.. i–”
“just think about it, darling. please. i have to know that you're certain and understand what you're giving up.”
you look into his red eyes. they're pleading. his face sullen and bottom lip being chewed by his teeth. his body is filled with anxiety, a heavy weight in the pit of his stomach making him feel nauseous.
“please yn. i beg of you.” he all but whispers. you crumble because you've never seen chan look so desperate.
“ok. i'll think about it some more.” 
“thank you.” he says with a heavy sigh of relief before pulling you into his chest. you nuzzle into the fabric is his clothing, clinging onto it gently as you inhale his musk cinnamon scent. he kisses the top of your head gently before pulling away.
“once you're confident enough in your decision, then i promise you, i'll turn you. you have my word.”
─── ・ 。゚⟡ 🦇 ⟡ ˚。 ・ ────── ・ 。゚⟡ 🦇 ⟡ ˚。 ・ ────── ・ 。゚⟡ 🦇 ⟡ ˚。 ・
“are you sure?” chan mumbles against your lips before cupping your cheeks gently. you hold onto his wrists, your legs either side of him as you smile warmly at him.
his bare chest on display with his underwear being the only clothing on his body. it forms a frustrating barrier between the two of you but it's necessary. 
“i'm sure, chan. i thought about it just like you asked and i'm sure.” chan gives you a simple nod before pressing his lips against yours softly. the kiss starts of slow and steady, lips moulding and moving in perfect harmony. 
chan's cold hands caress the warm skin of your back. you hold onto his broad shoulders gently before trailing your hands up to the sides of his neck. your fingertips brush against two jagged and deep scars on his neck. the scars are violent looking, jagged and healed in an unpleasant fashion indicating that whoever, or whatever, turned him did it out of pure spite.
you allow your fingers to caress and linger on the scaring, wondering if you'll have the same style. you know chan will be gentle with you and wouldn't dare put you in any harm but he is a vampire and you've seen the way he loses control–especially when it comes to you.
his lips trail from yours, kissing down your jawline to your neck. he can feel your blood swimming in your veins. he can smell it. he can hear your heart pumping fast, increasing as time goes on. he wants to bite. he wants to feast. to sink his teeth in your neck and feed on your blood.
he always thought all blood tasted the same but when it comes to you, it's sweet and savoury. the sweetness balances out the metallic. his lips ghost along your neck, fangs gently scraping the skin threatening to pierce it there and then–but he waits.
“how about we spend one last night together as human and vampire.” he whispers against your neck. 
“i'd like that.” you whisper as you tangle your fingers in his hair and tug gently. chan groans gently before gently resting you on your back. he looks at you, looks at every curve and texture your skin has to offer. you watch his eyes flicker, soaking up all the information and it makes you feel shy. so much so, that you turn your head to avert his gaze.
“no.” he whispers as he tilts your head back to him. “don't look away. i want to see your face when i pleasure you. i want to see it all.”
“chan..” you whisper as you mess with your fingers. he strokes your warm cheek gently, smiling ever so softly and lovingly at you. 
“succumb to me. allow your body, mind and soul to be mind.” he purrs before grazing his fangs along your neck. you shiver, breath hitching in your throat as you feel him trail his lips down your body slowly to your chest.
there, he plants soft kisses on the skin, suckling until purple and red love bites show. he leaves red welts on your skin from his fangs and teeth grazing your delicate skin before his lips are wrapped around your sensitive and hard nipple.
you groan as you feel the warmth from his mouth and the wetness from his tongue. he sucks, kisses and bites your nipple. his tongue gliding over the sensitive bud getting it coated in his saliva. his hands caressing your inner thigh and your neglected nipple. fingers rolling the bud between them, flicking and pinching whilst tugging.
your body burns. arousal pooling and hugging your groin nicely. your hips buck up into chan's, a soft sigh of contentment when his boner grazes on you. he presses his hips against yours, moving them long and slow. his penis rubs against you, rubs against the material of each others clothing.
it doesn't feel as good as if you were both to be naked, however, the sounds of chan sucking on your nipples, the soft groans and small pants that emit from his lips as well as the rustling and creaking of the bed and sheets–all of it together is driving you insane.
“s-so how does this work?” you choke out. chan looks up at you through his lashes before pulling away from your nipple. 
“how does what work, my love?”
“you turning me into a vampire..” 
“well–” he trails his finger down your chest as he speaks, letting it rest just above the waistband of your underwear. “i will drink your blood. ultimately drain you dry and at the peak of your ecstasy, i will grant you a single drop of my own blood.” 
“will it hurt?” you mumble. chan gives you a soft and warming smile, a smile that makes you feel safe, content and warm. 
“yes. you may feel woozy the next day. tender and sore, possibly confused too. your body will go through changes and continue to do so even after the process.”
“chan..” you swallow thickly, teeth chewing on your bottom lip as you nervously play with your fingers.
“what is it, my love?” his brows furrowed together as he notices your discomfort and distress. 
“i'm scared.” chan sits back before pulling you onto his lap once again. you straddle him, holding onto his shoulders and looking down to avoid his gaze. you feel so nervous that it's making you want to throw up. your body is shaking and anxiety ripping through your veins. 
“hey.” his finger hooks under your chin as he lifts it up. his voice tender and soft. “we don't have to do this, y'know. it's ok to change your mind.”
“no. it's not that. i want this it's just, i'm terrified of the changes. i know it's going to be painful, exhausting even, but even so, even though i want this, i'm so scared of what's going to happen and what will happen.”
“you won't be alone, my love. i will be here with you. i will be the comfort you need throughout the pain, the shoulder for you to lean on. we will get through this, together.” his fingers brushing through your hair. his voice calms your tired mind. 
his beautiful red eyes holding nothing but sincerity and love. you feel happy, content; safe. 
“let me take care of you, my love.” he purrs as he lowers you back down on the bed. he takes off your underwear as well as his own in the process before positioning himself between your parted legs. “allow yourself to just enjoy the moment. enjoy the pleasure and the ecstasy that i will bring you.” 
he lines his cock up with your hole, rubbing it with his tip before gently and slowly pushing himself inside. you both gasp and moan. the feeling of chan penetrating you, slowly making you feel full is making you feel tingly with excitement. the nerves and anxiety you felt a few seconds ago, slowly disappearing with each nudge and push of chan's cock.
chan holds your hips as he pushes. his lips parted and showing the very tips of his fangs–those same fangs that will soon be penetrating the skin of your neck.
“warm. tight.” he grunts. you simply hum, clenching around him purposefully as if to tell him to move. he understands the message and begins to thrust slowly. 
with each thrust, you feel yourself melting into the sheets. you allow your body to feel and bask in the pleasure, allow yourself to empty your mind and focus on you, chan and the space that connects you both.
tingles of pleasure shoot up your spine before resting at the tips of your fingers and toes. your lips parting ever so slightly as chan grips onto your hips. his tempo slowly speeding up as he becomes consumed in everything he's addicted to.
he can hear your heart beating. hear your blood gushing through your veins. he wants to bite, feed and suffice this hunger he feels when he is around you. your hole clenching around him, your body twisting and soft moans leave your lips. 
soon, your both panting and unable to think about anything else aside from each other. the bumps of his veins on his cock rub and grind inside you. his tip hitting and caressing places deep within you. your mind can't comprehend what's happening.
“chan. chan, fuck!” you groan as you grip onto the sheets. chan can't speak yet he lets out an audible whine. his brows furrowed together as he thrusts. he feels hot and cold at the same time. no one has ever made him feel as good as you do. it scares him to think that he is this obsessed with you but he wouldn't have it any other way.
you squeeze and clench. heat pooling in the pit of your stomach. chan listens out to the uneven rhythm of your heartbeat whilst watching your body arch into nothing. your moans have become more frequent, more desperate as he drives your orgasm closer and closer.
“chan..” you whine. 
“it's ok. i'm here.” his voice is soft and tender, a little hoarse from the panting and moaning. he means those words in more ways than one and he hopes you understand. 
as soon as he gives you the go ahead, you allow your orgasm to hit. mind mushy and muscles twitching in time with your orgasm. your body sweats and eyes flutter shut as you bask in the high. you feel chan halting his movements and the bed dipping by the side of your head. you feel his presence looming over you.
in the heat of the moment, you forgot. forgot what you initially asked him to do until you hear him say: “i'll be here when you awake” and the feeling of a sharp pain from his fangs piercing your neck. you haven't recovered from your high but you trust chan with your life.
he feeds. your blood soaking his tongue. it pours in his mouth and chan moans at the taste. his hips stationary, cock twitching inside you as he devours your blood. the sharp pain is overridden by numbness. your senses slowly dwindling. your mind slowly turning itself off. 
you don't fight it. you're in good hands. instead, you bury your fingers into chan's hair, whispering weak praises to him whilst he feeds. your consciousness is slowly depleting with each drop of blood that's being sucked out from your veins. 
your vision blurs and a faint buzz in your ears. you allow your eyes to slowly close and your body to feel heavy. you're not scared no more, but happy and content because you know that as soon as you wake–you'll be with chan forever.
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𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 | :) heavily inspired by a certain game with a certain someone in said game, ahahahah im obsessed. also a small something to celebrate chan's bday!! don’t forget to leave feedback, reblog and tell me what you think here. curious as to what is next? here is my wips list! i hope you all enjoy! ‹3
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𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒 (𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍) | @bintificreads ; @septicrebel ; @amyyscorner ; @hyunluvxo ; @aestheticsluut ; @xcookiemonsteer ; @lilquokka04 ; @oshimee ; @fairylouist
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genericpuff · 8 months
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Turns out it's been a while since I've talked about Rachel's medical fetish art so it came as a shock to people when I mentioned it in the last post (I've got quite a few asks about it lmao) So I'm gonna enlighten y'all real quick on what I'm referring to, and yes, it's probably exactly what you're thinking of when you hear the word 'medical fetish'.
CONTENT WARNING: DISCUSSION OF MEDICAL FETISH ART AND DEPICTIONS OF NEEDLES!!!!
So the name "used_bandaid" is one Rachel started using back in the early to mid 2000's. She went by a LOT of different pennames back then, including but probably not limited to:
Pepper_maid
madame_issue
Usedbandaid/used_bandaid
Rach Alex
Rachel Royale
Raquel
Medical Tophat/Medical_Tophat
Frill_house
Gingerbreadcoffin (? this one's kinda weird because the link itself with this username just goes back to her used bandaid MySpace account , so idk if she ever actually used it or if it was even affiliated with her lol)
Now you're probably about to ask, "Puff, how do you know these are all her?" and that's because Rachel still had all of these accounts interlinked through her projects, primarily The Doctor Pepper Show. She seemed to change up usernames often just for the hell of it.
Anyways. I'm not gonna show much of it here because I do think it's better to leave certain things in the past, but there's a LOT of her old work that implies the stuff that's questionable/problematic in LO has always been a part of her identity as an artist (DDLG, hot pink self-insert MC, etc.)
One such example is "madame issue":
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This is such a 3-in-1 smoking gun for everything we see in LO. The reference to bandaids (see: used bandaid, which was part of her URL slug for her old flickr where this drawing comes from), the hot pink color palette, and of course, the fact that this character is almost DEFINITELY a self-insert of Rachel, thanks to that shared name.
She's also stated in old commission/print posts that Madame Issue was the one print she wouldn't sell.
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She doesn't explicitly say why but I think it's pretty safe to assume it's because Madame Issue is her.
We also have Eva, "the queen of medical fetish". And the tags are... pretty self-explanatory.
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That said, that's as much as I'm gonna go into with her old art, because a lot of it does get quite personal with her and I don't really think it accomplishes much more to continue digging up old skeletons, at least not unless they can be seen as parallel to LO (which some of them are and I'll likely be sharing more of those ones in a later post).
That said, there ARE still pages that are accessible without the use of the Wayback Machine that advertise her as a medical fetish artist without the need for extensive digging. If you search up The Doctor Pepper Show on Google, you'll actually find a reddit thread asking what happened to Rachel's old work, and there are comments with loads of resources to access her pre-LO content. You'll also find the listing for The Doctor Pepper Show on The Webcomic List, which literally describes it as a medical fetish comic: "This is a comic set in a world where evil doctors rule, girls wear frilly underpants and people use their manners. *May I please blow your f**king head off?* This comic features Gothic dandys, EGL (Gothic lolitas) and medical fetish fashion. (Neo victorian setting)"
I'll let y'all do your own digging from here, there's a LOT to unpack honestly and while I can't keep you from doing your own research, practice due diligence with what you choose to share. Again, I don't think it's a crime in and of itself for Rachel to want to distance herself from her past as a medical fetish artist, so I think it's only really relevant to show the things that are clearly still influencing LO (like her love for the movie Lolita or the very clear sexualization of youthfulness). While we can try to leave the past where it is, she does still write LO with a lot of the most problematic features of her former identity, and it makes it all the more bizarre that if she is trying to distance herself from it all, then why would she stick with one of the pennames that's the most easily tied back to medical fetishism?
TL ; DR: Rachel started off online with medical fetish and gothic lolita art (at least as far back as we can trace it) and elements of that past are still present in LO today. Use that info responsibly lol
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absent-o-minded · 2 months
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Tiny YR S3 Analysis
Just wanted to compare the parallels between these two hand holds in 3x05 and 3x06:
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(Please ignore the shitty screencaps, I tried my best)
In terms of composition, these shots are identical. A hand-hold centre to the frame, in a car with the camera placed in the middle. However, they're underpinned by different narrative contexts.
Here, the first shot from 3x05 is drenched in darkness. The actual lighting inside of the car is dim enough to obscure both of their suits, which almost blend them into the seats and so it becomes hard to distinguish between the two of them - The only focussed light is on their conjoined hands. Notably, the actual touch itself is tentative, almost like the bridging of an awkward divide on the way to the palace. Neither of them are sure what the touch actually means. Even their sleeves fall over their wrists and interfere with the actual act, so we only see the bottom half of their hands. Simon reaches out first and places his hand in the open sliver between the two seats before Wille accepts and laces their fingers together. It's an assured squeeze that reads as: "I'm not sure what will happen. I'm nervous." "I am too."
This scene has garnered a lot of analysis for its parallel to the Kristina x Wille car scene in S1 where people have commented on the reversal of blocking - Wille now assumes Kristina's position and Simon equally assumed Wille's. We now know that this arrives before the birthday explosion, and so it's also a touch that signifies confronting the inner workings of an oppressive environment (the palace). It's nerve-wracking and cautious and consolidating, but it's also doubtful. We, as spectators, pick up on visual and physical cues and so we begin to see the hand-hold as an visual indicator that the unity between the two characters is about to be disrupted.
~~~~~
However, the shot in 3x06 reads entirely differently. The first thing is that the shot is bathed in light. It's a bit like an embrace, contrasting the previous presentation of a cold backseat, Simon and Wille are literally basking in the sun. Most importantly, there is a light flashing on Wille as it seeps in from the windows, illuminating his spot as a person who is newly free. Simon sits to the left with the natural light (no abundance of light) because Simon has always strived to be free. He has never turned away from the light. As he said earlier in the episode: "I never gave up on us. I gave up on the royal court." For Simon, the issue was never the fear of being free, but the constraint of not being free. For Wille, fear hung over his shoulders just like a King's robe would. Being free was an aspiration, never a reality.
But that has all changed. The light is let in. It stands similar to a spot-light, where Wille finally lets the sun hit his body and not have it scorch him, but rather enlighten him.
The actual act of holding hands is no longer bridging an uncomfortable space; It's an assured togetherness. It is the two of them acknowledging everything that has happened and knowing that a future for the two of them is no longer a "possibility", but a truth. It's giddy and confident and safe.
It's also the final touch of the season, and so it had to speak louder than dialogue ever could - Which I think that it does. Throughout S1 and S2, we understood that physical touch was always done in private, or if not, it was done discreetly with the knowledge that it was fleeting. S3 saw the transition from private to public, but not without the fight to touch and not have it be seen as a revolution. To just let it be what it is. And THIS is what the show has been working towards for 3 years. It can all be summarised with this simple, final hand hold in a sunny car that's racing towards a future that finally, finally resembles their dreams. It's not overtly revolutionary, it's not a grand gesture; It's just theirs.
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