#i've never really done a review thing like this but it was fun!

[dduane]

Hello! I was wondering if you’ve shared your ao3 account? Like, have you acknowledged “this account is mine,” or do you keep it personal? Totally respect if you keep it under wraps I just wanted to know if I’m missing something. Hope my wording of this makes sense!

No, it's OK, I get it. You're asking "Have you publicly ID'd a given AO3 account as yours?"

No, and I'm not going to. Because it contains fanfic I've written for pleasure—exactly as I started writing it in my teens—and I have no desire to have that publicly connected with me.

Leaving the usual legal concerns aside (and not being even slightly concerned that a judge would fail to find the fiction "transformational", if the truth came out in a court of law) a significant part of this effort is about answering the question: "What would happen if people read fiction of mine and they didn't know Diane Duane was responsible for it? What would their reaction be?" That urge to discover whether the fiction stands on its own, without the inevitable shadow cast by one’s reputational backstop, still comes up for me in some moods. So when the itch to write fanfic comes up, I scratch it. And all I can say is that, by and large, the results have been satisfying.

Frankly, it's a ton of fun. There's no one to satisfy (at the most immediate level) except me and the local embodiment of the Creative Urge. No one will ever accuse me of "just churning [this] out for more $$$$", because there is no $$$$. And there's room to stretch further and harder than I might normally do in my public work (because there's more forgiveness for failure: and in the arts, I think, failure is absolutely one of the most effective ways to grow). Whatever comes back to me in return for this work—and it is work, some of the hardest I've ever done—is in the form of raw appreciation. So, people, on behalf of my colleagues, let me just say: comment on AO3 fics, yeah? You don't have to be fulsome about it. A word or two will do. And bestow kudos where you may. It's all an AO3 fanfic writer asks.

...And of course some people will say: "Are you off your rocker? You're traditionally published for decades, you have awards, you've been on bestseller lists, how can you not be sure that what you're doing's any good?" ...But you know, no writer is sure all the time. All of us wake up in the middle of the night some time(s), thinking "I'm not sure I've still got it..." and squeezing our eyes shut in terror of future reviews containing the horrible conjecture that Maybe We Never Really Had It To Start With. When you've spent a significant portion of your lifetime making stuff (up) out of nothing, the horrible suspicion that maybe it really has been nothing all the time—I mean, nothing nothing—is unavoidable.

So sometimes some of us want to go out in disguise (and I don't mean paid pseudonymic work: that proves nothing in this particular arena) and see how we fare. I know other traditionally-published writers who've done this—names that would surprise you—and who, by and large, have done it for the same reasons. We are the dark figures, hooded and cloaked, sitting in the shadows of some of the more prominent fandoms that express themselves on AO3; eyes glinting in the firelight, enjoying the reactions to the stories we've got to tell.

It's not bad here, in the shadows. For one thing, you're in a better position to appreciate the figures moving in the light. There's a lot of extraordinary talent on AO3 (and elsewhere in the online fanfic world), sharing stuff with us out of their own hard work and from their own urge toward grace. It's a privilege to read them. (Some of them are better writers than I am. I appreciate them: and comment, and leave kudos, because that's how appreciation is concretely shown. And I take notes.)

Beyond that, there's nothing much to add except that I have no plans to stop. And also: that I think kindly every single day of the very small and exclusive group of people who know "who" I am on AO3, and have kindly kept that data to themselves. Your confidence honors me, friends. May the Work do you honor in return. :)

And now: I owe you all an update, so you'll have to excuse me while I get on with it. :)

#AO3 #fanfic #anonymous writing

[adobe-outdesign]

Thoughts on the Aisha? It’s been my favorite neopet ever since I got a mcdonalds plushie of it when I was like 8 before I even knew what neopets was

Aisha are great because they're almost somewhat normal cat-like creatures—except they have two pairs of ears, one normal set and one set sticking up like antennae. These ears are the most important part of their design, as they're both visually distinct and very memorable.

Aishas also vaguely implied to have some degree of extra-terrestrial origins due to the existence of alien Aishas, which is a nice bit of worldbuilding and helps explain the weird ears even more (not that they're that unusual by Neopet standards, but still, it's neat).

In addition to the four ears, the other main notable thing about Aishas is their near-constant closed eyes (though some Aisha characters do have theirs open), which are punctuated by a ring around the outside. The ring is nice, as it helps break up their otherwise solid body colors a bit.

I'd also argue that Aishas benefited greatly from customization. First, their old artwork was getting very dated and needed a refresh anyways, and secondly, the only real change is that they're standing now, which doesn't really affect anything.

But the other big benefit the Aisha received is that their collars became a wearable item that can now be removed. I'm not going to lie, I never liked the collars. First, they're weird because in-universe, Neopets are anthropomorphic, and indeed, no Aisha characters sport the collars. Secondly, as a species, where do those collars come from, and why do Aishas wear them? And thirdly, they tend to add unnecessary color to their designs (like how the blue and green Aishas shown above sport red and yellow collars—though this varies depending on paint job). The "A" tag also feels clunky. They're not the worst, but having the choice to remove the collars or keep them is the best of both worlds.

The only big benefit to the collars is that they do sometimes do some really fun things with them depending on the color, as I've spotlighted below.

Favorite colours:

Alien: No Aisha review would be complete with talking about alien Aishas, which are absolutely iconic in their own right. Species-specific colors are always enjoyable, and the fact that the alien Aishas have SIX ears is fantastic. I also like the spacesuit/helmet combo, and the red triangle at least accents the red color a bit if you choose to keep it on. I just wish they had done something fun and futuristic with the collar, instead of sticking to the standard version.

Darigan: The converted version of this pet isn't terrible, but the unconverted version is fantastic. The thin body looks great, almost snake-like, and the pointed tail matches the tall ears, which are given a delightful devil-horn look. The spots help break up the body a bit, as does the addition of an underbelly, and the collar changes shape to a D for darigan, which is fun.

Mutant: Mutant Aishas, my beloved! What a great design. Replacing the second pair of ears with mouths and then accenting the pink lips with floppy, tongue-like spikes on the back is just great, with the pink working great against the blue. Bonus shoutout for the singular eye and the mutated "A" on the collar. My only nitpick is that the collar tag should've been the lighter teal of the stripes on the ears, and the band should've been pink.

BONUS: I'm cheating by including this, but I have to give a shout-out to the baby Aisha for being downright adorable with its little binky collar and soft blue color. I'm not usually big on baby pets, but this one's actually pretty great.

#neopets #neotag #aisha #neopet reviews

[i99zhuo]

Could u make a routine inspired by kazuha ?

How to live like kazuha ⋆𐙚.ೃ⊹🩰°｡𓏲⋆𖦹 🦢₊˚ kazuhaism routine

This is a guide on daily routines inspired by le sserafim’s Kazuha! thanks for the request, hope you enjoy it!!

content list (routines):

morning

study

workout

shower + self care

night

(_ _ ) . . z Z⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚୨ :★: ୧ ∗  ˖࣪ ໒꒱  ˚₊·

✸ ꒰ morning routine ꒱⋆ ࣪.* ࣪.⋆

🎀 Kazuha starts her days by getting straight out of bed! You can take a few minutes just to think about your dreams or to meditate but after you're done get up without thinking so you avoid lazyness. After, head to the bathroom to do your hygiene routine (washing your teeth, face, body, etc.)

After you do your skincare, it's time for makeup, if i had to describe Zuha’s makeup in a few words i would use ‘natural’ ‘light’ and ‘clean’, even tho she uses as many products as other idols I've already talked about (brow pencil, eyeshadow, base makeup, contour, lashes, eyeliner, blush and lip tint), her makeup still pretty much simple, like just to enhance her natural features.

🧸Time to get dressed, Kazuha usually wears tops or basic t-shirts with baggy sweatpants, the colors she wears the most are white, black and gray. stylize the outfit with a beret or sunglasses!

Finally for breakfast, a good option is to have a sandwich with coffee, however any recipe that includes a lot of veggies in it will be ideal! 

✸ ꒰ study routine ꒱⋆ ࣪.* ࣪.⋆

🩰 One of Zuha's favorite things is trying new things and showing progress! So always make sure to experiment with different study styles, techniques and resources. also, remember that progress is not about going from an F to an A, but about improving slowly and enjoying the path to your goals.

To learn and practice her Korean, Kazuha reviews vocabulary daily, using it on small phrases to memorize their meaning. As a visual learner, she also associates words with drawings and writes in her notebook often.

🥥 And to improve her English she usually practices talking with Yunjin. You can ask a friend to tutor you in any signature you feel you are lacking and make learning fun!

✸ ꒰ workout routine ꒱⋆ ࣪.* ࣪.⋆

🪷 Kazuha’s most famous charm is her healthy and beautiful body, as well as her flexibility. She workouts everyday in her dorm room, and has a lot of different workout routines, so I decided to make a schedule so you can try them all!

monday -> le sserafim workout (no jumps / low impact), Kazuha new abs workout and full body stretch.

tuesday -> le sserafim workout (short version), Kazuha upper body workout, stretch

wednesday -> le sserafim workout, Kazuha abs workout, stretch

thursday -> le sserafim workout, upper body workout, stretch

friday -> le sserafim workout, kazuha lower abs workout, stretch

saturday -> le sserafim (short), upper body, stretch

sunday -> le sserafim workout (no jumps / low impact), stretch 

🌷 Also, you can try and enroll in a ballet class, it's never too late to try!

✸ ꒰ shower + self care routine ꒱⋆ ࣪.* ࣪.⋆

Before taking your shower, take off your makeup with micellar water or an oil based cleanser. Then bath like you would normally do, but start your shower with lukewarm water and finish with a cold rinse!

🦢 Then use a soft foam cleanser to wash your face, let it air dry, and then use a gentle toner, calming ampoule and cream to set the moisture.

Now for self care, Zuha enjoys spending time doing diamond paintings or other kinds of diys, like decorating phone cases. She also videocalls her friends often in her free time, spending time with friends really helps with our mental health! You can also try and make little handmade gifts for your besties.

✸ ꒰ night routine ꒱⋆ ࣪.* ࣪.⋆

🐩 Dinner time! eat a yogurt bowl with nuts and honey (or any toppings you like) and eat it while watching youtube videos.

After eating she takes her journal and writes about her day and her emotions, she tries to be as concise as possible so no matter if she’s tired or doesn't have time she's still able to reflect on her day!

👛 Then she does her last review on the things she's studying, doing this before going to sleep helps you remember it better.

If she's with the members she will obviously watch a scary movie and have fun with her friends before going to bed!

💋 Finally stretch a little in your bed to be more flexible, have a better posture and to help you to fall asleep faster!

Good night!

(_ _ ) . . z Z⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚୨ :★: ୧ ∗  ˖࣪ ໒꒱  ˚₊·

Heyyy tysm for reading hope you liked it even if it was a little rushed!

I closed my request cus I kept getting them and I really want to focus on the ones that I already have hehe but don't worry I will re-open them once im done!

Also while making this I noticed it was really similar to the how to live like Yunjin I was making sooo idk if I should finish it or not, what do u guys think?

anyways I think that's all

toodlezzzzz!11!!1

#kazuha #nakamura kazuha #le sserafim kazuha #kazuhaism #wonyoungism #kazuha motivation #morning routine #study routine #workout routine #shower routine #self care routine #night routine #le sserafim #aesthetic #coquette #dream girl #it girl #pink blog #that girl #pinterest #pink pilates princess #glow up #beauty tips #girly #pinterest girl #becoming that girl #pink princess #productivity #motivation #inspo

[formulaorange]

Winter 2024 Anime Review

Solo Leveling - 24 Episodes

This has been and will be my most anticipated series. We've only scratched the surface of the story and people are going nuts. I've been reading the light novel translations for a while now and I'm not even a little ready for when certain things are animated.

Easily one of the best anime adaptations out there. More to look forward to.

Sidenote - A1 is killing the animations considering it's one of their bigger ones in a while.

Also - they did a really solid job with the sound design, a lot of the timing made certain scenes feel just that much more intense.

9/10 - Amazing

Frieren - 28 episodes

Such a unique watching experience.

I think so many shows these days are fast paced, and action oriented, especially within the fantasy genre. This is such a relaxing and enjoyable watch.

The story is moving and the animations are warm and fuzzy.

Not much I'd change about the series.

10/10 - Masterpiece

The Apothecary Diaries - 24 Episodes

The second half of this series kept up with the flow of the first half really well. I feel like that shouldn't be a feat but it really is these days.

I genuinely love watching the subtleties of the romance in this series and the medical mystery cases are just as fun to watch.

The story has so many little bits and pieces working throughout the show and the last episode had me wrecked for reasons I never saw coming.

Just overall a big fan of this series.

9/10 - Amazing

Delicious in Dungeon - 12/24 Episodes

This series has no right to be this much fun.

The animations match the energy of the show so well and I think it's one of the best "entertainment" series of the season.

I was worried it would start to repeat itself but found that the characters become the highlight of the series and I looked forward to every episode.

(This is the series this season that I'm high-key obsessed with.)

8.5/10 - Very Good+

Shangri-La Frontier - 25 Episodes

One of the most fun looking MMORPG animes I've seen. I remember reading the teaser manga a while ago and was stoked to see it animated. Just a genuinely well done gamer oriented series.

They do such a good job at showing exactly the kinds of small things gamers pay attention to and some of the combat learning is stellar.

Not to mention the sound track honestly did not need to go as hard as it did?!

Really hoping they continue on with this for another season.

8/10 - Very Good

Bucchigiri?! - 12 Episodes (Updated)

I haven't seen any coverage for this show for some reason. It's a one shot that Mappa animated. The story felt quite slow but I personally had fun with it, the character design was satisfying - gives a bit of Jojo's and SK8 vibes. After a few weeks I couldn't stop thinking about it and went back - it ends up being a decently satisfying story. It's rare to see single season shows and I think that was really refreshing.

(Opening and ending are both bangers)

7.5/10 - Good+

Mashle - Season 2 - 12 Episodes

I decided to watch this once all the episodes had aired. I found that it's not one you can be in the mood to watch all the time, but when you are it's just as hilarious as the first season.

I've enjoyed the pacing of the story and I'm looking forward to future seasons.

7.5/10 - Good+

Unwanted Undead - 12 Episodes

Another series I read the manga for when it premiered. There's something about this series that gets me hooked. While the animations aren't anything of note, I find the story is oddly unique and I ended up bingeing all the episodes in one go. Definitely one I'm curious to see where it goes.

7/10 - Good

Mr. Villain's Day Off - 12 Episodes

This is purely for my own personal interest in attractive moody villains with alter ego's. It's a lot of fun to watch and it's just so wholesome.

That's it.

7/10 - Good

#anime #new anime #anime review #anime rating #anime recommendation #anime reccomendations #2024 anime #2024 winter anime #solo leveling anime #solo leveling #frieren #sousou no frieren #frieren: beyond journey's end #shangri la frontier #the apothecary diaries #kusuriya no hitorigoto #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi #mashle #mashle season 2 #mr. villain's day off #kyuujitsu no warumono san #the unwanted undead adventurer #nozomanu fushi no boukensha #bucchigiri?!

[loser-female]

Math masterpost!

So you want to learn math. Good. Math is amazing. I studied physics for two years and I miss it SO MUCH. Learning math isn't just cool, but it's a great way to improve skills such as:

Resilience: sometimes you will get stuck for a while on a problem - this is absolutely normal for college-level problems. You won't start from here though;

Self confidence: mastering a subject known to be difficult is fun;

Problem solving: you will be less likely to just sit down and do nothing if something comes up in your life, you will be able to try to find a solution.

It will change your approach to failure as you will become more flexible in your thinking.

Unfortunately most people never learn how to properly study math. We all probably know how to study a book over humanities. We start by reading the material, then we take notes of the keypoints. But this method doesn't work with math, and math teachers often don't really know either.

For the basics I've made this post here. To sum it up:

Please don't start with "but i suck at it". Because then your brain will actually prevent you from learning (self-fulfilling prophecy, anyone?);

Realise that you need to master one topic before covering the next one or you won't be able to progress;

Really, the methods you use for things like literature or psychology or whatever won't work

Now I'm not a genius, I always was and I always be a terrible student. I have adhd, depression and chronic pain, all of which add a difficulty layer with learning.

I feel like most people fail because of the first point. I've seen this with people I've tutored IRL, people I try to fix their pc... Don't be the person that gives up before trying because no one likes that. Just don't. Remember that you are learning on your own and no one is going to grade your excercises. Now take that and make a poster out of iy.

Now, resources Where To Find The Stuff.

Khan Academy. I didn't follow this courses becuase well, university, physics, but everyone references them.

Professor Leonard

The Math Sorcerer

3b1b (curiosities in math)

Vsauce2 (fun)

numberphile (this for understanding math memes)

r/learnmath resources are great!

A great study method

Proofs? Proofs.

A 3 page document on learning math (but it's cool)

Terry Tao's famous post "there is more in mathematics about rigour and proofs"

Remember that, even if you don't like a specific youtuber, source or anything it has been a while since college and high school teachers started to upload their own material. Generally, looking for like "calculus pdf" will give you a lot of resources. Youtube is full of university courses of every kind and it's so good to access all of this knowledge for free. I cannot recommend you anything regarding textbooks because I still have my high school one. Also yes, i've used the Rudin as a complementary textbook in university but that's a bit too much.

I really, really want to emphasize the mentality part. Leaning formula is useless if you feel like garbage because you weren't able to solve the first exercise you picked up after a decade not doing anything.

My personal and sparce advice:

Unless you have dyscalculia don't use the calculator. I know, I KNOW. But this "lazyness" will make everything 10 times more difficult.

Beware about overlearning. Basically, when you solve everything at the first attempt and you keep doing the same thing over and over because it feels good, but the truth is that you are wasting time. This is the time to move forward.

Try to differentiate between a knowledge error(did I actually study the subject?), a conceptual error (did I understand the material), or a mere calculation/distraction error (fo example a missing sign, writing the wrong thing etc)

Try to solve the problems in different ways if you can.

After a certain time, It will be useful to review things done in the past, (ref: spaced repetition method).

Write everything down. Reasonings, steps etc. It will be easier for you to review them.

This posts keep crashing so I have to call it quits now.

but:

have fun

#resources #learn something #math

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: Megamind

So surprisingly, this is one movie I've never actually seen before outside of all of the memes and all of the love people tend to shower upon it, and after finally seeing it for myself... yeah, I totally get why. Megamind is based as fuck, ya'll.

We focus on, of course, Megamind, who is a supervillain who terrorizes Metro City and is opposed by the heroic Metro Man. At least until Megamind seems to successfully defeat Metro Man, leaving Metro City in his hands and quickly leading him into wanting more than just power alone. While in disguse, he ends up striking up a romance with Roxanne, a local reporter, and at the same time, he ends up creating a new opponent for him to fight to curb his growing boredum in the nerdy (incel) Hal, who quickly becomes more of a villain himself than the hero Megamind wanted him to be. So of course, this leads to all sorts of chaos and hijinks, and while you might think that plot sounds too complicated for its own good, I can surprisingly say, it really isn't!

Yeah, all of the moving pieces here work so well together, interwoven into a really compelling story with some pretty solid emotions and some great character moments. It helps that our cast itself is fantastic; Megamind is such a good lead, he's a genuis, but he's also totally socially graceless and is an absolute lovable goober as a result, one who comes to realize that he can be more than the "villain" stereotype he believed he was forced into being from childhood. Roxanne is also a really good leading lady; she's funny and snarky and has really great chemistry with Megamind throughout.

Metro Man doesn't get a ton of screentime, but he's a great parody on the usual superhero tropes, while Minion is the perfect right hand man (fish?) to Megamind in every way. Even our villain, Hal, or as he comes to be called, Titan, works really well here; he's the kind of asshole who just doesn't take no for an answer that we can all justifably hate (but he's also hilarious in his own right).

The animation is also really great here. I find that Dreamworks movies tend to look their best when their characters are highly stylized, and that's what we get a lot of here. We get a lot of really fun action scenes, both in terms of fighting and Megamind's tech. and strangely enough the special effects here (things like fabric and particle effects, etc) really stood out to me, they were all super well done.

The humor is absolutely fantastic here. It's not as adult as some of Dreamworks earlier days, but instead it relies more on who these characters are and how they interact with each other. I think one of my favorite running gags is Megamind obliviously mispronouncing various words (like school and Metro City). There's a bunch of small bits just like that throughout the movie, and they're all so fast paced and well delivered by a really stellar voice cast. The emotions also strike a cord here; there aren't any tearjerker moments, but you really do feel Megamind's growth here as he falls in love and eventually decides to become the hero he never thought he could be.

So yeah, I really enjoyed this one! It's a shame it took me this long to watch it, because it was super enjoyable all the way through. Also amazing that it never really spawned any legit sequels, but I heard its getting a show next year, so idk. I am probs not gonna watch it. Movie good tho, give it a watch if ya haven't.

Overall Rating: 9/10

Verdict: There is no Queen of England

Previous Review (Shrek Forever After)

Next Review (Kung Fu Panda 2)

#jen watches #dreamworks watch #megamind #jen tortures herself with every dreamworks animated movie ever #dreamworks

[stressed-and-queer]

Hey, so here's a little story inspired by a prompt made by @aeagle624 (i really hope you like this)! I've never really done anything like this before and it was a fun challenge.

Prompt: A drunk Merlin finds himself in Arthur’s room, Arthur takes care of him. Merlin is very affectionate when drunk

The room was quiet, the only sound being Arthurs quill dragging across the paperwork that lay in front of him. Every so often Arthur would look out his window and see the empty streets of Camelot, well mostly empty. Maybe one or two people scurried past the town square. It was way too late for anyone to be wandering about, hence why it was so quiet. Also why Arthur decided that now would be the perfect time to catch up on his paperwork. Without the chattering of the townspeople down below, or the utter distraction that Merlin was for a number of reasons, Arthur could finally concentrate. Could finally focus on the important documents that he had yet to review, or that speech he was supposed to write. 

“Unhand me,” came a drunken shout from outside his door. It came from a voice the king knew all too well. He could already feel the annoyance start to rise as he put his quill down, the ink staining his wooden desk. Well there goes the peace and quiet he had had. 

There's a knock at the door, it wasn't loud at all, but Arthur still heard it. If he were asleep like he was supposed to be, he doubted he would have woken up from it. And that seemed to be the point, it was so obviously cautiously soft. Arthur stayed quiet for a moment, debating on if he wanted to speak up or just continue on with his paperwork. There's a laugh from the other side of the door, Merlin's laugh. 

"Stop it will you or we'll skip Arthur's chambers and go straight to the cells to sober you up," came a growl. Arthur sighed to himself as he put his head in his hands. Then came another knock, this one a bit louder than before and cut off abruptly. 

"Come in," Arthur said reluctantly, looking up at the door. He wasn't about to let Merlin spend the night in the cells, although it would probably do him a bit of good.The door creaked open, the light from the hallway seeping into his chambers. And there, in the doorframe, was a guard holding a very drunk Merlin. To be honest it looked like the knight was the only thing keeping Merlin from meeting the floor, with the way the servant was swaying.

"Arthur, tell this man to let me go," Merlin slurred, his accent a bit thicker in his drunken state. Arthur sighed, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"How much trouble did he get in," Arthur reluctantly asked. 

"None," Merlin chimed in. Arthur glared at him, regaining focus on the guard.

"He's actually telling the truth, sire, he hasn't gotten into trouble yet. But he was talking to one of the dog statues in front of the castle. I was going to take him to the cells to sober up but one of the guards said you'd have my head if I did that so I brought him here," the guard explained.

"He has his own chambers, you know," Arthur growled, glaring at the guard. The guard shifted uncomfortably, his grip on Merlin's arm tightening causing the man to let out a soft "ow". 

"Sorry sire, I'll bring him there now" The guard apologized, bowing his head.

"Wait," Arthur said reluctantly, raising his hand. 

"He's already here so why bother. Let him stay," Arthur said and the guard nodded. He let go of Merlin, who rubbed his arm where the guard had been holding him. As he stumbled into Arthur's chambers, the guard closing the door as soon as he could, Arthur sat back in his chair and took a better look at his manservant. His hair was a mess and his jacket was gone, leaving him in his blue tunic. He was wearing his red neckerchief at the moment, he had been wearing the blue one earlier in the day. Arthur chuckled at the thought of Merlin changing his neckerchief to go out to the tavern. The neckerchief was crooked, tilted a bit too far to the left. 

Arthur got up and went over to Merlin as he saw him sway. As comical as it would be to see Merlin fall flat on his face, Arthur just wanted to get back to his work. The quickest way to do that was to help Merlin to his bed and to keep him away from any important documents that could possibly be ruined. Merlin smiled at him as Arthur grabbed his arm and draped it over his neck, wrapping his own arm around Merlin's torso as he led him over to his bed. 

"What're you doing outta bed," Merlin asked as they stumbled, his hand gripping Arthurs side. He rested his head on Arthur’s shoulder, leaning into Arthur as they walked. 

"What're you doing so drunk," Arthur retorted, Merlin sitting down on his bed, nearly sinking in. 

"Gwaine, took me out to have some fun," Merlin smiled, resting his head on Arthur's pillows. Arthur rolled his eyes and cursed under his breath, because of course it had been Gwaine who had gotten him this drunk. He wasn't even surprised, the knight had an insatiable love for mead that Arthur just couldn't understand. 

"Just how much did you two have to drink," Arthur asked, part of him afraid of the answer he may get. Merlin frowned as his brows furrowed in thought. He started to count on his fingers before shaking his head and counting on his fingers again.

"I don't know, I lost count after like…5," Merlin says, his voice raised in question. Arthur takes a deep breath, making a mental note to talk to Gwaine about taking his servant out to drink. He watches as Merlin hiccups, nearly falling backwards as he does. Arthur shakes his head, turning around and walking towards his desk to finish his paperwork. Arthur picks up his quill,using his shirt to clean up the ink that had spilled from the quill when he had set it down. 

It doesn't take long before the sound of the quill scratching on paper fills the room. Arthur picking up where he had left off. There's the sounds of sheets rustling and Arthur only glances at his bed to see Merlin laying down. His head sinking into the pillows, one hand down by his side the other up near his head. His knee bent to the side and his head looking towards the window. The man doesn't look comfortable though, and the sounds of the sheets rustling once more as Merlin tosses his body in an attempt to get comfortable confirms that.

Arthur blocks out the noise easily enough, keeping his eyes focused on the paper in front of him. Currently he was working on a speech he was to give in about a week or so. The Kingdom of Camelot celebrating the new alliance they had made with a kingdom in the north. Usually this was Merlin's job but the servant hadn't the time to get around to it, so Arthur had to write the speech himself. He knew whatever he wrote would inevitably be rewritten by Merlin anyways, but just in case that didn't happen, he was prepared. 

He was halfway through the second page of the speech when he noticed the rustling had stopped. He glanced at the bed, expecting to find Merlin out cold by now. To his surprise, Merlin was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching him intently. Arthur blinked, the two sitting in a moment of silence.

"What," Arthur asked, setting his pen down in the ink pot. Merlin blinked, waiting a moment before shrugging. Arthur nodded his head slowly, not knowing what he expected from the drunken servant. He attempts to go back to his work only to find that he can feel Merlin's eyes on him. Feel his servant watching him so closely. Being a king, he was used to having eyes on him, watching his every move. It shouldn't bother him but this….somehow this was different. It made him want to squirm in his seat for some reason. 

"Merlin, just lay down," Arthur says, and to his surprise, Merlin does just that. He falls backwards on the bed, his head hitting the pillow and his arms stretched out wide. And Arthur finds that with Merlin's eyes off of him, he can work again. 

"The dog called me a bitch you know," Merlin says with a frown. Arthur's eyes widen from this seemingly random outburst. Until he remembers that the guard told him he was seen arguing with the stone dog statues outside the castle. 

"Oh did it now," Arthur says, feigning interest in his voice. His eyes never leave the paper but he finds he's only half as focused on his work as he was before. The other half was curious as to what Merlin was going to respond with.

"Yeah. Called me other mean things too! I was about to show him," Merlin says with a huff. 

"Oh I bet you were," Arthur says, playing along. He's glad the guard got him when he did, he didn't want to see what a fight between a drunk Merlin and a stone dog would lead to. No matter how entertaining the idea seemed.

"Was about to punch him," Merlin continues. Arthur looks up from his papers, side eyeing Merlin in disbelief.

"You would punch a dog," he asks.

"It was being mean to me," Merlin says in a whine. There's a pout on his face as he sits up and crosses his arms.

"Uh huh," Arthur says slowly, reminding himself this is a stone dog they were talking about. He shakes his head, wondering just what he’s gotten himself into allowing a drunk Merlin to stay in his room. Arthur gives up on writing this speech, finally admitting to himself that he was going to get nowhere with Merlin around. He turns in his chair so he was facing Merlin, who was still laying down in his bed.

“C,mon Merlin, let’s get you comfortable,” Arthur says, standing up and walking over to his closet. Merlin, literally, rolls out of bed, Arthur turning around with a start as he hears a thump to see Merlin laying on the floor.

“Merlin,” Arthur says, the concern leaking from his voice. Merlin looks up at him with a lopsided smile and lets out a chuckle.

“I’m fine!” He says. Arthur helps him up, muttering under his breath as he wraps Merlin's arm around his neck to give him stability. Sober Merlin was clumsy enough, Arthur dreaded to see drunk Merlin try and walk on his own. Merlin leans his head on Arthurs shoulder, leaning into him as the two make their way to Arthurs closet.The king opens his closet, grabbing his white shirt off the rack and closing the door.

It’s now that Arthur realizes that Merlin is refusing to let go of Arthur. His hand grabbing at Arthurs side as if they were trying to do some weird side hug. His fingers gripping the shirt tight, Merlin making a whine in protest as Arthur tries to get him off.

“Merlin, you do realize you’re going to have to let go so I can dress you,” Arthur says.

“I don’t want to let go,” Merlin whines, burying his face in Arthur’s neck. The king finds the heat rising to his cheeks at this action. Merlin has never been this affectionate with him before, and Arthur finds he isn’t completely opposed to it. His heart skipping a beat as Merlin nuzzles his neck, he can feel Merlin's breath on his skin, making goosebumps pop up on his neck. His blush only deepening as he realizes certain feelings rising to the surface. He shakes his head, pushing those feelings down as he pries Merlins fingers off of him, successfully removing Merlins grip from him. Merlin pouts as he stumbles backwards, his arms crossed in protest.

Arthur reaches his hands to the back of Merlins neck so he can untie his neckerchief. Merlin's eyes widen, a soft blush filling his cheeks as he bites his lips. Arthur notices his eyes glancing downwards, lingering before his eyes reach Arthurs. He smiles, a giggle escaping him.

“What’s so funny,” Arthur asks, finally getting the knot undone. 

“I was just thinking about what it would be like to kiss you,” Merlin replies, wrapping his arms around Arthur and pulling him in for a hug. Arthur can feel Merlin rest his face in his chest and he finds himself frozen in his place. His hands gripping Merlin's neckerchief in his fingers, his face heating up as his mind races with what Merlin just said. 

“I bet your lips are soft,” Merlin continues.His hand moves upwards, his thumb grazing Arthurs lips. Arthur's eyes widen, a blush spreading on his cheeks from the intimate touch. Those feelings he had just pushed down threatening to come back up to the surface. 

“Merlin,” Arthur begins, not knowing what else to say. Merlin hums in response, looking up at Arthur with a smile. Arthur clears his throat, looking away from Merlin for a moment.

“Lift your arms, I'm going to change you into something more comfortable,” He says, peeling Merlin off of him. Merlin stumbles backwards, lifting his arms up as Arthur grabs the bottom of his tunic, lifting it up and over his head.He tosses it on the bed, sliding the white shirt over his head and helping his arms get into the sleeves. Arthur takes a step back, the shirt fits loosely on Merlin,the sleeves went just past his fingertips. But, Merlin looked comfortable and that’s all that mattered to Arthur right now. 

“There. I’ll go tell one of the guards to get a glass of water so your headache isn’t so bad in the morning,” Arthur says, going to his door, he's speaking to the guard when he feels arms snake around his torso from behind  and a head resting on his shoulder. The guard looks from him to Merlin.

“He’s drunk,” Arthur says as an explanation.

“I see,” the guard says, slowly nodding his head. Arthur closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“If you tell anyone about this,” Arthur begins, a threat in his voice. 

“Your secret’s safe with me sire,” The guard says and Arthur can hear the slight amusement in his voice. 

“Just…go get me that water will you,” Arthur says with a groan.

“Of course, sire,” the guard says with a bow. Arthur closes the door, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Arthur, I wanna lay down,” Merlin says.

“Then go lay down,” Arthur replies.

“I don’t want to lay down without you,” Merlin whines. His grip on Arthur tightens as he hides his face in Arthur’s back. Arthur lets out a big sigh and looks down to the ground. 

“Merlin,” He says with a bit of force in his voice.

“Please,” is all Merlin says. It’s short and just barely a whisper but the word reaches Arthur’s ears and he knows he’s lost. 

“Alright,” He says softly. Merlin smiles as he lets out a soft “thank you” which causes Arthur to smile. He lets go of Arthur, making his way to the bed and laying down in it. Arthur follows him, feeling the familiar softness of his sheets as he lays down. He hasn’t noticed how tired he was until now, His eyes growing heavy as Merlin wraps his arms around Arthur, pulling him close. Arthur doesn’t even think about it, he wraps his arms around Merlin and rests his head on top of the others. He’ll blame that on being tired in the morning. What his mind will be focused on is the soft kiss he laid on the top of Merlin's head, how it felt to have him in his arms and how it made him smile. 

“Arthur,” Merlin mutters just as Arthur is about to fall asleep.

“Yes Merlin,” Arthur hums.

“I don’t know if it's the alcohol or not, but I think I may have feelings for you,” Merlin says and it’s as if the world stops. Arthur doesn’t know how to process those words that echo in his mind. He opens his mouth to speak but finds that no words come out. He lets go of Merlin and sits up, Merlin looks at him confused.

“Have I said something wrong,” He asks, leaning up on his arm. 

“No Merlin, it’s just,” Arthur begins before pausing. 

“We’ll discuss it in the morning,” Arthur decides.

“When you’re sober,” He adds. Before anything else can be spoken there’s a knock on the door. 

That must be the water Arthur thinks to himself as he gets out of bed. Merlin reaches for him as he gets up.

“Don’t worry Merlin, I’ll be right back,” Arthur says, going to the door and opening it up. Sure enough, there’s the guard with a glass of water in his hands. Arthur takes the glass of water and nods his head in thanks, closing the door. He turns around to see Merlin already sitting up in bed.

“Here, drink this,” Arthur says, handing the drink to Merlin. He keeps his hand on the glass, making sure Merlin doesn’t drop it, but also to make sure he doesn’t drink it too fast. 

“There, now your head won’t hurt as bad in the morning,” Arthur says when Merlin is finished. He sets the glass on the table next to his bed, glancing over at Merlin just in time to see him yawn. He climbs back in bed, Merlin already reaching for him. Soon, they’re back in eachothers arms without even a second thought from Arthur. Arthur can’t help but think about how much he likes this, laying down for bed with Merlin in his arms. It’s confusing really, the feeling it invokes has Arthur rethinking about every interaction with Merlin he’s ever had, including the time he tried to take his head off with a mace.This newfound feeling has him viewing those memories in a different light, trying to pinpoint exactly when the feeling first started. He looks down at Merlin who’s fallen asleep in his arms, his mouth parted and his breathing even. He takes a deep breath, wondering how one man can cause him so much confusion. Part of him even wonders if allowing Merlin to stay with him was a bad idea. If he had allowed the guard to take Merlin back to his chambers like he had suggested, none of this would be happening. There would have been no drunken love confession that made him question everything. 

But it did and there was.

And Arthur could deal with it in the morning. For right now, as he held Merlin in his arms just a bit tighter than before, he allowed himself to close his eyes and fall asleep.

#merlin #arthur pendragon #merthur #bbc merlin #fanfic #merlin x arthur #gwaine

[cowgurrrl]

The Chain

Pairing: rockstar!joel x actress!reader

Author’s note: I swear on my life they will get a happy ending eventually

Summary: “I hope you get everything you’ve ever wanted and I hope I never hear a thing about it.” - Audrey Emmett [2.6k]

Warnings: brief mentions of poor mental health, vague allusions to substance abuse issues, nostalgia, we’re burning bridges and working through the stages of grief

"No Joel tonight?" Alexa asks as she swipes blush across your cheeks. You freeze and pick at your cuticles as you think.

The premiere for Red Dirt Girl is finally here, and people will be able to see everything you did and judge it. It's terrifying, exciting, and uncertain, and it turns out that adding a breakup to that mix is not good for your mental health. Getting ready to film for Beginning of the End and leaving for Ireland has been a great distraction as you organize your life into neat little boxes that travel easily. You've poured yourself over the script, looking into dramaturgy and creating a movie Bible to access during shooting. It's not unlike anything you've done for any other project, but this one feels especially important. You've ignored Joel's texts and calls the past week except to tell him to leave you alone, which he did.

"No, he's gonna meet me there," you tell Alexa with a soft practiced smile, and she nods. "What time is it?" 

"Six forty-five," Jenna answers from behind you, and you take a deep breath. "You nervous?"

"Yeah, but it's all good. I'm excited for people to see the movie."

"I've been hearing really good things from reviewers."

"Really?" You ask, and they both nod. 

"Heard it was one of your most powerful performances to date," Alexa says as she hands you a brilliant red lipstick, and you anxiously turn the tube over in your hands. It's silent as you slide the color over your lips, power, and confidence taking over as you take in the full look for the first time. True to the name of the movie, you and your castmates decided to wear red. When you told this to your stylist, she was thrilled and said she knew exactly what she wanted to put you in— an off-the-shoulder red dress with a lower neckline (á la Pretty Woman) with a slit in the long skirt. It's pretty simple, but when you added the jewelry, hair, makeup, and shoes, it became a beautiful mix of elegant and sexy. "Joel is gonna freak the fuck out when he sees you." 

You know she's trying to hype you up and get you excited for the premiere. You know she's trying to be nice, but the idea of seeing him makes your stomach churn. You nod and pocket the tube of lipstick before standing. You thank them both for helping you get ready but don't say much else as you get escorted out of the hotel room and down to the car waiting for you. Based on the number of people outside the red carpet, half of LA seems to either be getting to the premiere or already at the event. It's insane to see that many people there for something you helped make.

Cameras flash the second you step out of the car, and people scream your name. Fans are lined up on either side of the first stretch of carpet when you get to the theatre. You smile and take the time to greet, take pictures, and sign autographs for different people waiting on each side. It's always fun to hear what fans say to you when they get the chance, and every once in a while, you'll have an experience that just truly shocks you. As you take a picture with a twenty-something girl, she rolls up her sleeve and shows you a beautiful tattoo. At first, you're too absorbed in the linework on the flowers, but once you look closer, you see that the flowers surround a line from one of your first major projects, "On Purpose." 

You cup your hand over your mouth as you look closer at the ink forever etched into her skin. It was such a quick line. You weren't even sure if it would stick with people like it stuck with you. Your character, Margot, said it when she explained why she loved her husband when he was depressed and feeling like a shitty person. "I love you on purpose," she said. You have to swallow around the lump in your throat to keep yourself from crying as you hug the young woman tightly. Quietly, she tells you what it means to her and why that movie stuck with her so much, and you rub her back as she cries. Despite the cameras flashing and the hundreds of people vying for your attention, you can only focus on her and this interaction. This is why I do what I do, you think.

Once you find the strength to walk away and go to the actual carpet, you ask one of the interns to give two tickets for the premiere to that girl and her friend and smile from afar as you watch them get the news. You blow them a kiss and wave one last time before being shuffled away by one of the bodyguards. When you get to wherever you're supposed to be, you see Joel waiting for you. He's wearing a nicely tailored suit with red flowers embroidered over his chest and shoulders with black shoes. He smiles, and you let him kiss you on the cheek to keep up with appearances, suddenly hyper-aware of the five million cameras pointed in your direction.

"You look beautiful." He says.

"Thanks." You mumble. It's the most you've spoken since you had that massive argument at his house. He wants to say more. You can tell he does. You can hear the fucking gears turning in his head he's thinking so loud. But you don't want to listen to any of it. You're here because you legally have to, and you're not going to miss your own movie premiere. He says your name at the same time someone with an earpiece comes up to tell you it's your turn to walk the carpet. You don't even look at him before walking out to the wolves, him trailing closely behind you.

You take a lot of solo shots, feeling in your moment as you spin and show off the look. However, the second your castmates spot you on the carpet, they rush over to kiss your cheeks, hug you, and take so many stupid photos. Some with Lilly and you back to back like Charlie's Angels, or some with Peter bowing down to you. At one point, Max, the guy who plays your dad, picked you up and spun you around like a baby. Once everyone has gotten through their unhinged behavior, you manage to take some nice full-cast pictures with Lilly right next to you and her hand in yours. It's all fun and lovely until you have to take pictures with Joel. Of course, everyone wants pictures of you being completely in love— kisses on the cheek, forehead, lips. Hold her hand, Joel! No, not like that! Look at him like you love him! Aw! It's exhausting. 

When you get toward the end of the carpet, you do interviews with different reporters and answer questions about what you hope people take away from the movie, your favorite memories from set, and more. One reporter gestures to Joel behind you and smiles as she asks, "It must be really nice to have someone like Joel to support you through all this craziness. How have things been with you two? You seem to be everyone's favorite couple right now." You laugh and look back at Joel, who raises his eyebrows at you. You hold your hand out, and he takes it as he joins your interview, much to the reporter's excitement.

"He's pretty great. I mean, look at his matching flowers. Are we kidding?" You gush as you point at the delicate embroidery on his suit, resting your hand on his chest.

"They are pretty amazing! Everyone was talking about you guys coordinating. I think someone even called you a power couple."

"Well, I don't know about that, but we're definitely very happy. I think he's navigating the actress thing pretty well." You say, and he laughs. The interviewer thanks you both and sends you on your way. The second you two enter the theatre, Joel grabs your arm and pulls you to the side where you're out of earshot of other people. 

"Can we talk?" He asks as you rip your arm away from him.

"I have nothing to say to you."

"Then, can I talk, and you listen?" He asks. You roll your eyes and shake your head. You should say no. You should push past him and go to sit down without saying another word, but for some stupid reason, you stay quiet. He takes a deep breath and grinds his teeth nervously. "I'm sorry. I should've told you Sarah was in contact with Angela. I was scared you would get freaked out or think I didn't wanna be with you because I did. I still do. But, I swear, I didn't know she was gonna be there that night. Sarah invited her without tellin' me, and I..." he sighs. "I thought she was dead. She'd been sick for so long, and I hadn't heard anythin' for years. So, when I saw her... I don't know. It fucked with my head, and that's not an excuse."

"No, it's not," you say. "I want Sarah to have everything she's ever wanted, and if that includes a relationship with her mom, then I have no problem with that. What I have a problem with is you lying to me or arguing with me about work when I've never once made a big deal about your job."

"You're right, and I'm so sorry."

"I trusted you, Joel. More than I've ever trusted a partner, and you broke that."

"I know," he says simply. "I can't change what happened, but I wanna try to earn your trust again."

"I don't have time to start over."

"We can find time."

"When? You'll release your album and go on tour, and I'll go back to work. Plus, you've gotta figure out this whole co-parenting situation now." You say, and he nods.

"We'll figure it out. We found time before, right? You came to the studio, and I went to set. We can do that again." 

"We had time because my schedule for the past few months has literally been created around yours."

"Then, I’ll create my schedule around yours. I'll plan dates and trips. We can fix this. Just-"

"Pike offered me a role. A big one, and I took it. I'm shooting in Ireland for at least six months in three weeks." You cut him off, the words spilling out of you.

"What?" He asks, and you shrug. 

"This could be huge for me. I read the script. It's amazing. It's the best script I've read in a long time, and he's not directing. I don't even think he'll be on set a majority of the time but-"

"Do you even hear yourself? When he pulled that shit a couple months ago, you were scared out of your fucking mind!" He raises his voice, and you grab him and press the two of you further into the corner you're hidden in. 

"I had it handled." You mutter, and he scoffs.

"That's what you call handling it?"

"Yes. Not everyone can go around punching photographers and yelling at their managers when something goes wrong!" You snap. 

"Really?" He asks, visibly shrinking as he takes in what you just said. You smooth your hands down your dress and glance around to see if anybody heard you. You bite the inside of your cheek and look at him, but he's looking at his feet.

"This is the chance I've been working my whole fucking life for, and I'm not going to let it pass me by because of one shitty guy. I want to make beautiful art and bring this character to life. I want to do the work. I want a fucking legacy," you say. He refuses to look at you, and you let out a sharp exhale. "I want to be great or nothing, and I'm sorry if you can't handle that." 

For one long, painful minute, neither of you says anything. You stand there, shifting your weight anxiously while waiting for him to say something. There's nothing he can say that would make you change your mind. You decided that way before tonight, but this, the silence, hurts more than you thought. How was there once a time when you two talked so much that you fell asleep on the phone? Those people seem so far away, so stupid, compared to the people you are now. 

"I guess you were right. I guess there's nowhere for us to go after this." 

"No, there's not," you say. "I'm sorry." He nods and doesn't say anything as he steps closer. You get a whiff of his cologne when he leans down to kiss your cheek, lingering for a second before pulling away.

"D'you want me to stay?" He asks, and both its meanings slap you in the face. He asked you the same thing the first time he laid next to you after the car accident, more than ready to give up his bed to you. You looked at him through the darkness and nodded before letting him hold you until you fell asleep. He asked you the same thing when you were doing dishes while on FaceTime with him. You looked at him through the hundreds of miles separating you and nodded as you scrubbed a plate clean. But this time is different. This time you take a shaky breath and push his hair out of his eyes so you can see through the curls.

"No." You say. He doesn't fight you. He just takes a step back and looks over your dress like it's the first time he's seeing you. His brown eyes move over you, making you suddenly self-conscious, but you straighten your posture and square your shoulders to hide it. He smiles half-heartedly, and you know he knows why you did that. 

"Have a good night, pretty girl." He says before turning away from you and walking toward the back doors of the theatre to leave without the press seeing him. You watch him disappear. If this were a movie, you would cry or chase after him. Run through an airport to catch him before he gets on his flight. If this were a movie, you'd tell him you love him. He'd say it back, and you'd kiss like all the problems that led to the third-act breakup are suddenly solved. If this were a movie, you'd quit your job to move in with him and paint baby nurseries and spend the rest of your life bending around his.

Fuck that.

"Hey, the movie's about to start," Lilly gets your attention, and you look at her. She smiles and holds her hand out to you. "Sit with me?" She asks, and you smile back. You walk over and slide your arm around her shoulders to pull her close and kiss her temple. 

"Of course." You say. Then, without much fuss, she interlocks your fingers, and you two walk into the dim theatre, knowing you've earned your seats and then some.

#one for the money two for the show #the last of us #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel tlou #the last of us x reader #joel miller fic #joel miller the last of us #the last of us au #tlou au #pedro pascal #rockstar!joel miller

[see-arcane]

What horror movies would each of the crew enjoy? Who dislikes them?

Mina is at the front of the line for scary stories and horror movies alike. She's a bit of a classic ghost story fiend, so the original The Haunting and The Innocents would be her top picks. She'll also re-watch adaptations of M.R. James' ghost stories every December.

Jonathan may have a soft spot for Shakespeare's theatric scares, but straight horror is not for him. The closest he'll come is the type of 'horror' that really amounts to a romance with scary elements painted over it. He knows it doesn't count, but he quite likes The Shape of Water and, he will very hesitantly admit, Only Lovers Left Alive.

Lucy also doesn't consider herself a big horror fan, but will make exceptions for juicy character dramas dipped in corn syrup blood. She considers The Craft a favorite and--so long as she isn't watching it alone--Carrie.

Jack pretends Psycho is his favorite for Classic Cinema Appreciation cred. It's really Ex Machina. No comment.

Arthur is just Not a Fan of Horror. Full stop. His eyes water every time the pet inevitably gets killed off. He cries outright over sympathetic monster stories. Anything more harrowing than a stop-motion Henry Selick flick will have him hiding behind a pillow, and even then he needs to have someone's hand to hold. (The Rhino in James and the Giant Peach gave him nightmares for a week.)

Quincey isn't really a movie guy, period. He is sadly one of those types to hear rave reviews of such-and-such movie or series, swear he'll check it out, and then immediately forget or ignore it into oblivion. The one exception was Jordan Peele's Nope, which Jack and Arthur herded him into. They all thought it was just a sci-fi modern western-adventure movie. Jack staggered out of the theater afterward. Arthur just passed out. Quincey saw it two more times in the theater and now watches it at least once a month at home.

Van Helsing is also not much of a movie guy, but will watch Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) and The Thing (1982) around Halloween. A bit of a masochistic selection, considering the subject matter, but the stories are too well-done to let the 'conscripting body horror' of it all overwhelm him.

Renfield is fond of telling Jack his favorite is Silence of the Lambs--no guesses why--but if he's being honest, he's a shameless sucker for the type of escapist monster media where the protagonist goes 'Oh no! I've been bitten/cursed/otherwise transformed into a supernatural super-powerful-cool monster who kills all their problems away! Oh nooo~' ...But then, he doesn't consider any of these horror movies. Honest answer? The Fly (1986). He'll never say why.

BONUS:

Dracula watches 30 Days of Night whenever he needs a laugh. He'll binge the entire Hannibal series in...other moods. His roommates know to avoid him when he brings out that particular box set and to pointedly Not Mention a certain soliciting someone for the duration.

The Weird Sisters watch fun old romps like Audition, Fatal Attraction, and both versions of Suspiria for a cozy evening. They only watch The Hunger (1983) when they're feeling maudlin.

#in which the Dracula cast go to the movies #mina harker #jonathan harker #jack seward #arthur holmwood #arthur godalming #quincey morris #lucy westenra #abraham van helsing #r.m. renfield #brides of dracula #the weird sisters #dracula #re: dracula #dracula daily

[bookshelfmonkey]

Thanks for the tag @storkmuffin :)

Are you named after anyone? Not my first name, which I just chose because I liked it, but one of my middle names is Bowie (as in David Bowie).

When was the last time you cried? A couple of weeks ago, when I was feeling completely overwhelmed by the state of trans rights globally and especially in the UK (where I live) and the ongoing tragedies happening as a result. (Sidenote: it's weird to me how little I've cried since starting T, I used to cry multiple times a week and now it's every few months)

Do you have kids? No.

What sports do you play/have you played? I swam for about 6-8 years as a kid but always kinda hated it, and eventually quit when the dysphoria became too much. I did football and badminton on and off too, but was never really good at anything (asthma & possible dyspraxia & hypermobility etc.). Now I'm trying to run and work out mostly just to stay healthy. I'd like to get back into swimming but can't really afford to go to a pool regularly and I'm scared to go by myself. I also go to a lgbtq+ football club weekly when I'm in my hometown (my friend started an under-18s one which I used to do too and it was pretty much my only positive experience of sports).

Do you use sarcasm? Rarely, and only with close friends where we mutually joke like that with each other.

What's the first thing you notice about people? I actually don't know. I think most of the time I'm too caught up in the anxiety of meeting someone new that I'm more focussed on myself.

What's your eye colour? Bluey grey.

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings. I'll watch some scary movies but sometimes they just make me too anxious to enjoy them.

Any talents? I can read pretty quickly with good comprehension (I like to take my time when reading for fun, but as an english lit student who always has a fuck ton of essays and shit to read, it's handy), I can bake really good gingerbread, and I'm weirdly good at immitating people's walks (the same way some people can do voice impressions).

Where were you born? A small city in south west england (not saying more than that for safety/privacy).

What are your hobbies? I read (a lot); I write fiction, poetry, book reviews & TV show reviews (see pinned post on where to find some of these); I embroider and sew; I enjoy baking and cooking but don't do it much atm because I don't like my flatmates so I spend as little time as possible in our kitchen where I might see them; I like going for walks but it can be difficult to get out into nature without a car (ironically) and sometimes I just solve number puzzles/do maths for fun.

Do you have any pets? Yes, this idiot (affectionate). Technically she lives with my parents, but still. Her name's Pepper and she's a generic black cat (it's hard to work out breeds of cats and she's an adopted former stray so there's no breeding history or whatever).

How tall are you? 1.72m

Favourite subject in school? It alternated between english literature and maths.

Dream job? Author/forest wizard/please don't make me enter the workforce (I'm a uni student atm)/I don't know what I want to do with my life.

@yourlocalcorvidcryptid @autisticfordprefect @feral-enfield-with-wifi sorry if any of y'all have already done this and I missed it.

#my posts #my life #tag game

[bomberqueen17]

The Witch King

This is not like, a coherent review or anything.

Yesterday I was just like possessed with anxiety nonstop the whole day and everything I did seemed to make it worse and i just like spun my wheels and I got some things done but mostly felt worse and worse and more and more stressed, due partly to external circumstances but largely, i think, to nothing in particular. And finally after dinner I was sitting on the couch comfortably and realized you know what, fuck it, I am not going to "try to write" and wind up refreshing tumblr and chatting on discord all night, not while I'm already fretting and stewing like this, i'm going to be miserable and probably get in a fight or something and i don't want that. Fuck it. So I went to the tab I already had open in my browser, which I'd had open for weeks but the time was never right, and I bought the kindle version of Witch King and read it right there in my browser, the whole way through, did not click away or put it down or move or do anything else, and you know what it was fantastic.

I'd read a preview and been like hm i don't know what this is about and read a couple of amazon reviews that were like this was really confusing, some of which concluded so i didn't like it and some of which concluded so i super liked it, and like, I've been a fan of Martha Wells since she put the Element of Fire up for free chapter by chapter on her Livejournal when the rights reverted to her in like 2006 or so, so I knew what I was going to get and also knew that I would not particularly know exactly what I was going to get until I got it, and I also knew I was going to enjoy the ride, but I hadn't wanted to read it in stolen or exhausted moments lest the "this is confusing" bits prove too much.

In the end I found it not in the slightest bit confusing, it was a very straightforward interspersed flashbacks storytelling technique that i thought suited the story beautifully (not to be spoilery but we join a character in medias res with an action scene and it's him trying to figure out who has betrayed him in a complicated political scenario, and in the process of unspooling this he has to revisit the site of where the complicated political scenario was first set up, some sixty (?) years earlier, so he's retracing his own steps and it's really well done I think, introducing new bits of history right as they're relevant to the current storyline-- and just fantastically done, not at all forced, completely natural and compelling, and no the reader isn't told anything they don't need to know but you do get everthing you need to know, there's no unneccessary coyness at all).

So anyway i loved that, and I hope there's a sequel planned but it stands alone just fine if not, I'm already figuring i'll alternate my rereads and do every other chapter each time, so I can do All The Backstory first, then All The Current Timeline story, and that's such a fun way to eke out many many many rereads of a story that like all of Wells' works I will reread until I have chunks of them memorized (anyone who has read my works surely has found whole undigested bits of hers bobbing around in there because I do this so much; I found the phrase weary past bearing in something of mine the other day and was like oh that's moon when ember first shows up i stole that whole emotion wholesale out of the third raksura book yes i did).

Little side notes: Love the aroace qpr vibes with Kai and Zeide, also sort of enjoy the lowkey genderfuckery that comes with a demon who has his own gender then inhabiting bodies that had different genders. Great magic system too, and I love that we first get introduced to how Kai's pain magic works as a like totally fait accompli chunk of didactic worldbuilding and then in a later chapter we get to see the flashback of him inventing it and understand why it works the way it does, that was also so well-wrapped-up.

Anyway-- Definitely recommend this one but probably it is best if you can do it like I did, in one big binge-read. It took me probably three hours and I was trying hard not to read it too fast.

Yeah. Anyway. People assume I'm a big reader. I was, as a kid. I am not now. This is the first new book I've read since probably the spring sometime. I don't casually read things i only read them if I'm going to add them to my Pantheon of Rereads, and that goes for fic too mostly.

#martha wells #witch king #book recs #kind of a book review #sort of

[moosieart]

(MAJOR SPOILERS FOR GOTHAM KNIGHTS VIDEO GAME)

Ok, so I finished Gotham Knights, and here's my review.

I loved it! The story was amazing, and the plot twists! I totally did not expect Kane to be The Voice. And the Court of Owls!!! They're my all time favorite Batman villain/organization, so for them to be such a prominent villain made me undeniably happy. And the Labyrinth, it was so well done, I literally cried. The mind games and the way it hits you in the feels, it embodies the Court perfectly. The League of Shadow was well done as well.

The sibling bonding! I'm sad that only Dick, Babs, Jay, and Tim were there, but they did them so well! They showed Tim's insecurity and grief for losing Bruce, and I totally believe he's autistic. Dick struggled with whether to take up the cowl and whether he was good enough. Babs struggles through her own grief with her father's death. Jason grieves a father he barely got to know, and apparently the Lazarus pit gave him powers??? I'm all for it. And how Jay still struggles with the pit's effects, finally someone did my boy right.

But it's not all sadness and pain for the batkids. They bond, have fun and make fun of each other, true BatFam content.

I was spoiled for the end of the game, but even if I hadn't been I still felt the dread and realization that as we approached the Wayne cemetery that Talia was going to revive Bruce. That whole scene hit me in the feels and having to mourn Bruce a second time.

And Gotham city, I adored swinging/flying/driving around and patrolling. The subtle details like the fact that there is actually a Batman Musical in universe made me smile. The way citizens have differing opinions on vigilantes. I've never played a spider-man game, but I imagine they're pretty similar.

And the way Wayne Family Botanical Gardens was in ruins and not used, it made me so sad. How Bruce is buried next to his parents, how in the belfry he had the highest ranking score on the video game. I couldn't even bring myself to play it, if i removed Bruce from the leader board I would have felt so guilty and sad.

The graphics were amazing, the attention to detail made my artist heart excited and inspired, and I only ever experienced minor glitches, like the subtitles occasionally flashing, I've had way worse glitches in Skyrim or Knight of the Old Republic, so it really wasn't a big deal to me. I loved how both the end credits and Main Title adjust to whatever your heroes are wearing at the time. I haven't played multiplayer, nor do I plan to, so I can't give you a review on that.

This game was not only gorgeous and well thought out, but it actually made me feel with the characters. I would 100% recommend playing it. 100/10 would play again.

I'll be starting Arkham Knight soon, so stay tuned for that review. I've heard good things and I'm excited!

#batman #dc #batfam #robin #batfamily #bruce wayne #dick grayson #barbra gordon #jason todd #tim drake #gotham knights game #gotham knights #the court of owls #the league of assassins #video games #video game review #alfred pennyworth

[askew-d]

Can I ask your top 10 fav fics ever (from any fandom, if you don't mind)?

Also, just curious, is there a story behind your name "askew-d "?

hello, there! sorry for the long wait, i forgot to check my notifs :( i will do better next time. thank you for this question! i feel like i’ve waited ages for someone to ask me exactly that, lol. i could talk about well-written fanfics forever!! can i give you a hug? because this is wonderful, really.

let’s go for it! my range of fanfiction that i enjoy vary, but one thing remains: i will adore your fic, no matter the fandom, if it’s written with passion and if it contains good, poetic introspection. i love poetry. for me, if there’s melancholic tropes of any kind i’m into it. immortal character and reincarnation? give me now. supernatural elements or slice of life with doomed narrative? i’ll ignore sleep to read it. angst with happy ending? my endgame, for sure.

however, i also adore silly, comedic, cute pieces of domestic life or otherwise. i had a hard time choosing from my bookmarks for this, and i also reviewed some of my favorites, it was fun. before we continue, here are some of the tags that i don’t dive into for whatever reason: porn without plot (it personally just doesn’t interest me at all), non-con, gore, a/b/o dynamics, soulmates au. sorry if you were hoping for it! i’ll try classify them into an order of what i like most.

1. jellyfish, by mystery twin, for the haikyuu!! fandom — i read this when i was finishing high school and coincidentally the story talks about finishing high school! i have a personal attachment that makes me reread it every year. it’s some sort of tradition at this point. not to mention i love kagehina dearly.

2. teen project to change the world, by animeloverhomura, for the mo dao zu shi fandom — respectfully speaking, i would find this author and give them a big hug. their writing is spetacular! if you've never seen this one and you're into mdzs, know it's a story where the characters get to see every event from the novel and donghua, even the dead characters. they watch wei wuxian journey, can you believe it? so goddamn entertaining. promptly waiting for the next update!

3. a hundred or so hellos, by iwillstillopenthewindow, for the haikyuu!! fandom — remember i said i love melancholic stories? well, this one broke me so hard, i had to mention how i hold it with tenderness (we love things that breaks us, dont we?). this fandom manages to write the cutest, most unhinged things sometimes. even it's an anime about sports. i always get amazed by it.

4. no certainty of doors between us, by betts, for the mo dao zu shi fandom — certainly the most silly little fanfic i've ever seen, it's hilariously sweet. i want everyone to read this masterpiece because, seriously, whoever did this deserves only the best. so, so, cute. it had to be in my top 10!

5. their kindred encounters, by fireflavoredwhiskey, for the untamed rpf fandom (bjyx) — you know those kinds of shows, books, any piece of media, that tears up apart? well, this one was it for me. it's a very famous one that deserves all praise, certainly well-written and enjoyable to the core, with doses of angst, romance and beauty overall.

6. as the clouds part and clear, we finally meet again, by 12262325, for the mo dao zu shi fandom — aaaaa, i was truly torn between putting this in the third or fourth place, but i ended up putting it here. come on, i love an age difference kind of story, especially for wangxian, and this one was perfectly done. sweet and funny. the development? the yearning?? outstanding!! i read this many times already, i'll never get tired.

7. pursuit, by emleewrites, for the haikyuu!! fandom — mystery, romance, lawsuits, poker games, adventure, slice of life, AMAZING depictions and so, so goddamn well-written? that's what you're looking for in any fanfiction. the author dedicated herself entirely for this story, and, like i said, i love stories that are written with passion, you can see it pouring through every paragraph. besides, highly entertaining. i'm not very into long fics, but once i started it off, i couldn't stop. that's how addicting it is.

8. linger by the door (i’ve always been yours), by piecrust, for the mo dao zu shi fandom — epistolary?? have i mentioned how i love it?? some of the phrases in this are gold, in my bookmarks you can check some of them (i ought to make a list of my favorite fic quotes, btw, i will sure do it). through each letter i could comprehend more of wei wuxian's feelings and his internal conflict. i love feeling this connected to a character.

9. all the world is ours to take, by khrys, for the fugou keiji fandom — i have more than one favorite fanfiction for this couple. you know these kinds of developing relationship where the transition from (maybe enemies too) friends to lovers happens so smoothly that it feels like they've been soulmates first and foremost at the end? i don't even know how to explain. i just love how, when they finally are together, it's like they've been together for years. and they just... made it official? i like it. i love my mr. kambe haru.

10. he won’t tell you that he loves you, by hellshandbasket, for the house m.d fandom — i found this to be the most fitting, perfect story for this specific couple. they deserved more stories like this, but we dont see it anymore. i would hightlight the feelings realization in this one, that is so fucking real? haha in any case, it's a fanfic that i enjoyed a great deal.

that's it, i guess! i wanted to add link click fanfics also, however i barely started reading fanfictions from its fandom, i'm drowning in it lately but it's just a start. perhaps very sooon!

oh, i’m gonna finish explaining about the name! in my native language, i’ve heard someone tell me before that ‘life’s a little askew, nothing’s ever perfect’, and that quote remained in every biography of any english website i ever went to. then in literature class someday i had to write about historical women and came across this one named anne askew (i wanted to write about the mostly barely-spoken women). it was the second time i saw this word. i didn’t think of it as a proper name before, but then i had to create a nickname for my ao3 profile and thought, humn, why not just ‘askew’? the quote has been engraved in my heart anyway, so i went for it. we’re all flawed and askew. so, yeah, it just… fit? the ‘d’ here on tumblr it’s only because my surname has a ‘de morais’ in it. i also liked that it resembled ‘alaska’, the john green character i was kinda of obsessed with back in my teenager grunge phase. i don’t like these kinds of books anymore, but i guess some details stay with you. do you think it’s weird? never thought of changing.

thanks for this outstanding ask, it certainly entertained me. and hope you have a nice sleep today, big hugs coming your way! 🤍

#fanfiction #yizhan fic #yizhan fic rec #bjyx #ao3 #mdzs fic #wangxian #daiharu #wangxian fic #wang yibo #xiao zhan #yizhan #the untamed #mdzs #lan wangji #cql #kagehina #kagehina fic #haikyuu #house md #hilson md #hilson #hinata shouyou #millionaire detective #fugou keiji balance: unlimited #kageyama tobio #wei wuxian

[unpretty]

I am absolutely living for the vibe talk and wondered if we could get a vibe tour or smth? Or just your absolute faves bc your reviews are really honest and fun!

yeah sure let's discuss various toys, not including my many bellesa toys previously mentioned

thoa, son of clithulu, by fantasticocks! i got a pre-set color because they were on sale but by default they do customs. i know i said internal doesn't do it for me but like. i still like it. it's just not going to get me there, is all. basically everything else by fantasticocks is too big for me. i am a delicate flower. i have not yet tested using it with a harness but i feel like it would work. they also have tentacle dick packers if that's relevant to your interests. i still want to find a cute box or chest to keep it in where it won't get linty and weird and i am accepting suggestions.

the luvli ditto 2 is a piece of shit. i'm so mad about this one. the idea is that you can wear it during sex, because the internal part is thin enough to fit a dick next to. what it actually does is fall out and do jack shit. this is one of the more expensive toys i've bought in my life and has sucked the worst. absolute loathing.

RIP the lelo nea 2. the buttons are a pain in the ass but it was cute, quiet, and discreet. until i fell asleep and didn't realize when i woke up that it was sandwiched firmly between my thighs. twice. and it ended up in the toilet because i was sleepy and had to pee. i cannot possibly justify buying it a third time but maybe if your labes are less powerful you will not have my idiot problem.

the lelo gigi 2. got this in a sale bundle with the nea and figured maybe i'd finally find something resembling a g-spot that would do it for me. i didn't.

the picobong remoji. for some reason when i bought that nea+gigi bundle from nea it included this for free. it has an app. i tried it once and it sucked. i don't think my girlfriend could use it long distance even if i wanted her to. i think all the app did was make it vibe to music, which is a lot like those weird vibe pattern settings i never use but worse. absolutely bizarre.

for a long time this extremely generic glass dildo, available wherever cheap glass dildos are sold, was my only dildo. because i was fucking broke and glass was the only thing i could buy that cheap that i trusted. if it says it's bodysafe silicone and it's only twelve dollars it's lying. also i wanted something as easy as possible to sterilize in case of butt stuff. anyway i still have it, it gets the job done if you want to pretend you're fucking someone with an inhumanly hard dick. perhaps some kind of living statue, or gargoyle. hypothetically.

this isn't the exact rabbit that i snapped in half in high school but it's close enough. i have never bought another.

the tokidoki x lovehoney unicorno magic wand. it's just a regular magic wand with a unicorn head on it. you can actually remove the unicorn head to make it a regular magic wand but i don't. it turns out the presence of the ear is vital for me and otherwise i would find it useless. it's too goddamn big. it's the size of a small car. i'm still mad i didn't get the scene kid looking one in black. this one's been my daily driver since the nea broke. can't run out of batteries if you have to plug it into the wall!

#original

[rhoorl]

Week in Review | Sept. 10

Happy Sunday! As I post this, I’m headed to the airport. I’ll be out of town all week for work which means this latest stretch of craziness will be over soon. I’ll be able to breathe a very big sigh of relief by the time I’m back home Friday. 

Before I start this week's recap, I wanted to take a moment to say how much fun I've been having over here the last couple of months on this platform. I've met some pretty awesome people - if you ever want to say hi, my inbox is open!

Thank you to everyone who left me such kind comments, reblogs, and messages related to the latest chapter of Working Title. It means so much that anyone reads what I put out there, let alone feels compelled enough to tell me about it. A few of you (you know who you are) brought me nearly to tears this week with your sweet and encouraging words, so thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have read a lot about the negativity others experience on this site, which breaks my heart, but I’ve been trying to carve out a positive place here...with plenty of thirsty thots to boot (more on that later).

Fics I read this week:

Frankie Morales

Sunsetz by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin - Frankie is a menace in the best possible way 😈 but he also gets the happiness he deserves 🥹

Two great ones from @legendary-pink-dot for those of us deep in the Catfish Pond Bush Pilot and Stages of Growth are both perfection!

Javier Peña

Siempre Te Voy a Querer @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin -  Angela brought us a fic about Javi's black shirt last week, and now we get one with the pink shirt! 💕

Just Good Friends and Jeans of a Sexual Nature by @secretelephanttattoo - Cute chemistry, a fluffy Javi, tight jeans, bad puns…I loved both of these!

Joel Miller

Sequins by @trulybetty - A little further down I talk about posts from the week, and Betty whipped this story up from one of said posts. This story is SO good and when you reread it you pick up on small details. I don't want to give much away, but Joel takes advantage of reader wearing a short skirt...

Marcus Pike

Draw Me Like One of Your French Girls by @toomanystoriessolittletime - I just can't quit this FBI agent. This has some fluff and smut, the perfect Marcus combo.

Compulsory Reading

These are fics I love and have mentioned in previous weeks and have tried to shout from the rooftops. I highly recommend each and every one of these (some are done and some are still in progress). I'm definitely missing some, but I have plans to do a masterlist of my all-time favorites soon.

Frankie: The Layover by @goodwithcheese / The Pilot and His Girl by @avastrasposts / Just a Number by @linzels-blog / Shared Breaths by @frenchiereading

Javier Peña: Late Night Texts by @mvtthewmurdvck / It’s Never Too Late by @javierpena-inatacvest

Jack “Whiskey” Daniels: The House by @gemmahale

Dieter Bravo: Destiny & Deliverance by @mysterious-moonstruck-musings

Mr. Ben: Visiting by @ladamedusoif

Benny Miller/Garrett Hedlund

Thank you to @musings-of-a-rose for recommending Tides & Heat by @dameronscopilot … Good lord this one has it all and Benny is just 🥵 through it all.

Don’t worry, Garrett Hedlund was back on his bullshit this week posting things on his IG like this to distract me. This man is literally Benny and I cannot with him (in the most loving way).

Things I watched:

I caught up on some Real Housewives. If you really want to ever get me going, ask me about housewives. Bravo is one of the few topics I have encyclopedic knowledge about.

I meant to say this a couple of weeks ago, but I’m watching Sons of Anarchy when I can. I’m not as familiar with Charlie Hunnam as an actor and seeing as Will has a bit of a more prominent role in upcoming chapters of Delta Landscaping, I figured I’d watch something else he was in. 

I watched Dirt Music with Garrett Hedlund … he has an Australian accent and he plays the guitar in it, I was swooning. The movie also features absolutely stunning shots of Australia.

Pedro rewatches are a given at this point - Narcos was on heavy rotation this week during my WFH days. I do have Prospect on the list to watch soon because I keep seeing so much about Ezra. Maybe I'll watch it sometime this week if anyone wants to watch it and chat?

Fun things from the week:

Last Sunday I went to my first Halloween Horror Nights event at Universal and did all things TLOU. I posted a recap about it and am excited to go again later this month. 

Posts from this week:

So, Dieter has been taking up significant real estate in my brain for months now, so I was immediately hooked when I saw this deep dive from @for-a-longlongtime. It was such and interesting read. I want to rewatch the Dieter scenes now knowing the background with the art.

My coworker and I did our little monthly ritual unveiling which Pedro will grace my calendar at work for the next month. Doesn’t he look great?

Feral corner:

Thots ran wild this week thanks to certain GIFs and a convo I had with @trulybetty about who else, that menace Joel. This thread made me feel several emotions. Fire Meets Gasoline gets a permanent reblog anytime I see it. Also, the Casillero del Diablo photos were just too much. And to round out my little feral corner, this post by @morallyinept is just … well, go read it (for science). 

Things I'm excited for:

Being done with two big work events that I’ve been planning for months. :)

Fic updates:

I published an update for Working Title this week and hope to have the next Delta Landscaping chapter out by Tuesday! I still have an idea for a Frankie one-shot involving an airplane ride/turbulence - seeing as I’ll be taking some plane trips this week it may get written (as long as my boss doesn’t sit next to me). 

I know he won’t see it but I have to shout out Mr Rhoorl who will be handling a toddler and dog on his own while I’m out this week. The last time I was away from my crew was about this same time last year and I was not in a good place - between being away from my daughter for the first time and the hormones associated with ending breastfeeding I was a hot ass mess. But, I’m in a lot better of a mental space these days, so I’m actually looking forward to some time away knowing he’s got it more than handled. 

If you read all of this thank you, or if you scrolled to the bottom to confirm I was actually done talking, hey, you made it! Hope you have a great week!

#rhoorl week in review #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal

[silveredsound]

How you go from harry styles to hockey I will never understand.

I was going to make a little joke, as I do, (would have been v hilarious, best joke ever pls know this) and leave it at that. But like, it's been raining for over 24 hours, it's 2am and it might be good for me to reflect a little.. So sorry anon I am going emote all over your ask (which (the ask) sounds a bit judgey tbh but the written word is NOT a great conveyor of tone so that might be on me.)

On one hand it's just fandom. And, I think it's been pretty clear that as much as I love Henry Stars, I'm not like, a 'Harry is the be all and end all of all music creation and creativity and actions.' I like him for the good and the bad, and I don't leave critical thinking at the door. (Not saying I'm the only person to do this, just that it's hard sometimes in fan spaces and Stans definitely do..)

Which, can make it hard to participate in fandom as a lot of people are not great at irony, or accepting that someone else can say, god damn that is a terrible song - and that it's okay for that to happen. It doesn't mean that the person who expressed the neg opinion is not still a fan of the artist they were speaking about. Same with if the artist you are a fan of does something that gives you the ick.

I def learnt this when Harry went to Google Camp the first time. Like obviously I've been around 1d fandom in some way since 2012 ish I think it was - and it was my own reaction to Harry going to Camp Douchebags the first time that made me go, oh jeez Silv, you are a bit too involved in the parasocial relationship here. Like I was genuinely upset that he'd done something I thought was so dumb and wanky.

Anyway, clearly I still loved - love - him and I celebrated him and spent a fuckload of money on him and engaged in fandom and etc etc. But I just did at that point I think turn a little from heading in a very blinkers on version of fandom to one that's def more me - where you just get to have fun, make fun be creative, make friends! and have a bit of a perv depending on the silk cream vanilla ice cream outfit Harry might be wearing in Nashville.

I like RPF. I mean I like all transformative works and fandom extending and enhancing source material via creation, but I don't have an issue with RPF. I believe in 4th wall. And I clearly have written 1d fic. A lot of my good fandom mates, and real life best friend(s) are people I have met through sharing a love of writing in fandom spaces. Obviously all the best writers in 1d went to Hockey. And I stayed here. And I tried. I wanted to be where my friends where. I had fomo and I was lonely! My fandom had changed in a few ways all around the same time.

But Hockey is very confusing, (for starters as I often say to Angela or Joanna, snow is fake) and nothing clicked for me - it seemed large and I had no idea where to even start and I didn't really try.

But I think the change in some fandom fellow participants, and also anons being mean when they would get even a glimpse in their peripheral that I might have vaguely indicated that Henry did something that I thought was dumb or embarrassing, or just not that good, (it's no fun sharing a thought and feeling chatty about it, and wanting to engage with other people's thoughts if some random is going to anonymously tell you that you are a dumb c*nt and should delete etc etc so I stopped sharing any thoughts at all.) Of course Nick leaving breakfast and then R1 altogether - as well as obviously my whole life narrowing to a point that was just tend Mama- work - tend mama - work - tend mama - sleep - grow a tumour - tend mama left me not so much time for proper joyful engagement.

And then, in Jan/Feb this year, I think as I'd been looking at book reviews and as soon as you search for a book on tik tok they push book tok romance reviews into your feed and I think then that pushed an actual hockey clip (which is a really shite 4th wall issue as is the whole Kraken thing etc) and I can't even remember what it was but I know I then swiped through and watched other videos on the account and like 1d being adorable shites repeating stock answers and sitting on top of each other I was intrigued by what seemed to be very dumb and very entertaining.

But Silv, you cry, what about the emotions! You need emotions! Ah, yes, see, because I am nothing but devoted I had followed Angela and La's hockey blogs, and something La posted grabbed my attention and I followed a link and read an article and I was like. Oh, I want to read more about these kids. So I did. And after a little while I reached out to La and was like, um, I think I get it. And I posted something about the Fantilli Bros and then Max reached out and tbh I don't think anything says it better than my wide eyed enthusiasm reply. (You are probably by now thinking, Silv why is your answer to Max so short, why didn't I just get a paragraph? This is an endless essay with no conclusion or indeed a thesis statement, (that is if you have even made it down to here) & anon I can only apologise.)

I am really enjoying learning so many new things, being welcomed into a new space of connection and joy and silliness and emotional breakdowns. It's been so lovely to meet new people who are so excited to share their niche interest with you and no one minds how many questions I have and everyone searches out Primera and Important Past Instagram Posts from the archives - and of course reconnecting with people who I have always been friends with, fandom changes didn't change that, but it's delightful chatting much more often. The other day Angela and I watched an Avs game together via Tumblr chats, which was delightful, to learn about the team and to talk about random other things, and I've spent my last month of Saturdays watching umich with lovely people who La introduced me to, and having MANY EMOTIONS. (It's like hanging out all posting about a show's fits and one liners and if he's going to sing medicine but it's many pantomime gooseberrys. The performative homoeroticisim, wild hair, jokes, punching (only now during not pre show work outs ) and very goddamn impressive skill and physicality is actually pretty similar). Meghan and I have been able to chat through our very similar horrible experiences with cancer and mums with cancer and it's been so lovely and strengthening to be able to share that experience with a person who beyond gets it, and then also I've been able to announce to her that I want to write a fic about 5 ways Nolan saw god with the UMich Bible Study Group but didn't find faith. which is obviously a completely ridiculous concept but equally worthy of discussion. It's this that I love so much about fandom friendship - you share SO much because you are sharing something that gives you intimate joy, so the relationship always starts from a place of an automatic mutual understanding and empathy - and from there we make it our own.

But also, I really like the game. Like I love watching them play, all of them! It's fast (obviously - and oblig have to say - ice is slippery) and it's hard - and they make it look easy. When one of the special players (they are all special, but one of the ones who play almost with innate ability) makes a pass or a turn sometimes it's almost almost magic, like how the fuck did they see that gap between four players, and did you see how they kept the puck a moment longer so they could release it perfectly into the lane !! Hot.

The game can be all encompassing and it's SO SO SO silly. Like it's the dumbest sport. It's The Show. I'll put on ESPN and stream a match while I'm working during the day (the time difference is perfect for once) and I'm spending time cos I want to, learning the rules and the logistics and business side of it all. And of course, the differences between college hockey and the show. Idk. It just clicked on so many levels for me.

And so, I have no idea why it took me so long to transition from Henry to Hockey, but I am not surprised I did now that I have - it def wasn't something that I was bloody expecting. And Anon I will say this, the last few years of my life have been sad, hard, and tbh shitty. Now, I know what it's like to have fucked years, so I am not saying this to try to be and show off but 2024 feels a bit better. I feel clearer, I have started to lose some weight (15ish kg so far depending on the time of the month) and now I have a meeting w a PT on Tuesday as I actually don't care what I weigh but I want to get stronger and reduce my visceral fat as it will be better for hormones which is better for lessening my cancer reoccurrence %.

God knows it's (2024) not all roses, I literally had surgery again a fortnight ago and the cost of living in Sydney is giving me so much anxiety. I am still a terribly disorganised mess, my work is undergoing a complete restructure (thanks NSW gmnt) and my clean washing is NEVER folded and put away, it's always in the basket - but I feel so happy and entertained and creative - I am writing again! like it's joy. It's ye olde you are who you are at this moment but you are also the 4 year old you and the 15, 27, 34 year old you - girlhood (non gendered concept of not literal interpretation) and I love it. 💛🩵🌱

#sorry anon this is very much non con silv thinks about fandom and emotions and processes on main #there's a boy who has harry energy although more spoiled and sarcastic and this is delightful as i do actually think #which also i got a rude anon about once #that harry is not as nice as eveyone thinks #i think hes professional as fuck definitely #but i think hes a sarky little perfectionist and this delights me #but chemistry with everyone - thats the harry curse and blessing and the **** ****** one #sorry anon i know this was annoying #but i genuinely just really needed to get this out of me and acknowledge it all #fandom and fandom participation is something that is so important to us all #otherwise why would we have a little blog #let alone create posts of fic or gifs or edits #and god last year i said multiple times to shifty that i wished i had a fandom that i could wallow in as a happy place distraction #its very nice to feel engaged and delighted by something #i hope we can still be mates #i am a popstars and radio dj lover for life #i didn't even touch on teams i like and players and such cos not the point #tw: cancer #tw: death #tw: weight loss #sorry! i should have added those tw before!