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#if you have the chance I really recommend it!!
gurugirl · 9 hours
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Sex Tutor
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Summary: Harry's got a reputation on campus and you're curious to know if he can help you.
A/N: Requested! Thank y'all for being patient with me! Hope you enjoy! This will be 2 parts!!
Word Count: 10k
Warning: smut (oral sex), fluff, praise kink
. . .
“Yeah… that was good. I liked it.”
That wasn’t the reaction you were hoping to get. You thought Gunther would be a lot more enthusiastic after coming in your mouth and you swallowing him down. You gave it your best work. You even choked a couple of times and you did hear him moan once or twice. But that didn’t feel like enough
You wanted to ask him exactly what went wrong. Tips on what he liked and didn’t. What you could do better next time… But instead, he just smiled and kissed your cheek, avoiding your mouth because obviously kissing the lips that had just sucked his cock would be gross.
So you left his dorm feeling a little disappointed in yourself. Annoyed really. You wished you were more bold and could just ask him what he wanted, what he liked most. You complained to your roommate even. She loved giving advice so you were always venting to her.
“Well, you know there’s like this guy on campus who will walk you through that kind of thing… a sex tutor if you will. Let’s just say that he comes highly recommended. I know someone who hung out with him a few times, and she learned so much about her body and how good sex could feel without coming but he always made her come every time, and no man has ever done that to her before she told me.”
“A tutor for blow jobs?” You scrunched your face and giggled.
“Well, blow jobs and everything else really. I don’t know. He gets around and they say he’s very knowledgeable about the body and sex. I think he’s like getting his masters in sexual health or something?”
You shoved at her shoulder and laughed, “Oh my god I don’t think so. That sounds crazy. He’s probably some weird pervert or something.”
Your roommate turned her cellphone screen to face you, showing you an Instagram page with a photo of a very attractive young man you’d seen on campus a time or two.
“That’s him?” Your eyes widened as you looked from the photo to your roommate.
“Yup. He’s not a weirdo either. I hear he’s super respectful and smart. Plus the bonus is that he looks like this.”
You nodded. That certainly was a bonus. Harry Styles. You knew about him from the student council. He did a lot of volunteering on campus and he was a graduate student so you didn’t know him all that well, being only a sophomore yourself, but it was hard not to at least know the name and the face. He was popular. Clearly far more popular than you even realized.
And you definitely weren’t going to reach out for a “session”. That just felt silly. Though, you couldn’t say you weren’t intrigued by the idea, it just wasn’t for you. Except that when Gunther didn’t text or call you back for three full days, the whole time you wondered if your blow job was that bad. So when he did finally text you back to make plans for the following week, you felt like you were being given another chance to prove how good you could be. And maybe a lesson or two could be useful.
Reaching out to him via DMs on Instagram felt so unserious but you still did it. You cringed as you hit send and read over your message three times.
Hi! I heard you give special “tutoring” sessions and wanted to know if you have some time to meet with me to set something up? Let me know if it’s okay.
You couldn’t believe you were doing this, reaching out to a stranger for, basically, a booty call. But apparently he was used to it and had no qualms about responding to you in less than thirty minutes. As if he was running some kind of business.
Hi! Happy to meet up with you either tonight or Friday night. The initial meeting should only take like 20 minutes, somewhere public so you feel comfortable. I’ll ask you a few questions and then we’ll set up a private one-on-one session together if it makes sense for both of us. No pressure ever. Whenever you’re ready.
Private one-on-one session. You rolled your eyes as you read over Harry’s response.
Tonight is good for me if you can fit me in. Whatever time you want.
You didn’t know what to expect. You imagined he was cocky since he was apparently so good and sought after. Perhaps he would take one look at you and turn around. You were sure he had a say in who he “tutored”. Doubted he took on every single person who reached out to him.
Your roommate said he was respectful but you would place money on the fact that he was probably full of himself, being that he was a self-proclaimed Sex Guru. You were preparing yourself for someone with a larger-than-life personality.
You kept your outfit casual, not wanting to look like you were trying too hard. Jeans and a hoodie. Though you did shower and put on nice panties and made sure you smelled good. Just in case. One never knows when they are due to visit with a sex tutor.
Maud’s was one of your favorite spots on campus. They had the best iced matcha latte and that’s just what you ordered yourself when you arrived. You sat down at a small table and faced toward the door so you could keep an eye out.
You were looking down at your cell phone when you heard the chime of the door. Flitting your eyes up and away from the screen of your phone you scanned the entry and spotted him right away.
He was wearing a black pullover hoodie and jeans. His hair all tousled like he’d just finished a “tutoring” session. You raised your hand to wave at him and catch his attention and he grinned as you stood up but he gestured for you to stay seated, “I’ll be right back. Just gonna order a drink.”
You were already feeling hot and embarrassed. God, what were you doing? The man was sex on legs and that deep, raspy voice he just spoke to you with had your insides twisting and turning all mushy.
When he returned he had an iced tea and he sat across from you. The smile on his face was kind. Open. It set you at ease a bit.
He took a sip through his straw and you noted the rings on his fingers and the nail polish on his nails, “So, Y/n. It’s nice to meet you in person. What are you majoring in?”
Okay. Small talk. You could handle that.
You told him your classes and what you were majoring in and then asked him the same and when he explained he was going for his doctorate in psychology with the intent to become a sex therapist you felt your heart thump wildly. He was gorgeous and going for a doctorate. The man was so beyond out of your league that you wondered why he was even sitting at that table with you entertaining this silly request of yours.
“Wow. That’s… I’m impressed.”
He grinned and you saw a dimple carve into his cheek, “Thank you. I’ve worked really hard to get where I am. Still working, though. So let’s talk about what you want. What things are you interested in getting some guidance on?”
Here it was. The moment you’d been dreading. But also what you were most curious about.
“Well, I’m seeing this guy and,” you took a breath. It was embarrassing to say it so casually at a café on campus of all places.
Harry reached toward you and placed his warm palm over the top of yours, “Hey, I know this feels weird. Doing this. I’m not going to pressure you to say it if you find it’s too uncomfortable but just know,” he dipped his head down to meet your gaze with his brows gently raised, “Everything you tell me here will be kept confidential and private. I’m not going to make fun of you or compare you to anyone else. If you change your mind, that’s okay too. I want you to feel like you’re talking to a friend. Okay? It’s up to you how much or how little you say. We move at your pace.”
You let out the breath you were holding and smiled. He was so – nice. He made you feel so at ease.
“Thank you. It’s weird. Yeah… but I think I’m okay. I want to do this. I want to be better at like,” you looked around yourself and lowered your voice as Harry moved his hand from yours and you settled your gaze back on his, “Better at giving blow jobs. And maybe like initiating more?”
He nodded, “Okay. Have you ever given a blow job before?”
You nodded, “Recently. The guy didn’t seem very enthusiastic about it so I didn’t know if I did something wrong.”
He took a sip of his tea and his green irises bored into yours, “I can tell you one thing I know that is true for nearly every single male I know; they love getting head. Even if he wasn’t vocal he probably really enjoyed whatever you did. Does that make you feel better about your skill level?”
You puffed out a laugh and saw the smirk on his face. He was trying to get you to smile, “I don’t know. Probably. I’m sure I’m overthinking it but I just wanted… like I want to be really good. Want to know tricks to get a real response.”
“Did the guy you’re seeing orgasm?”
You nodded again.
Harry’s grin softened, “Then you did as good as you could have. Goal achieved. He orgasmed and you made that happen.”
“But I want to be better. Like… I really enjoyed what I was doing. Made me really… well…�� you looked down at your empty mug and sighed, “I felt like I enjoyed it more than he did.”
He nodded and licked his lips and if you didn’t know any better you’d say he was kind of checking you out. You weren’t wearing anything revealing but he seemed to keep dropping his gaze to your lips and neck. But you figured that was because he was still getting used to your face and he was sussing you out a bit to see if he wanted anything to do with you beyond this conversation.
But that was true. He was checking you out. He saw your Instagram pictures before he contacted you (always his first step) and thought you were cute and wouldn’t mind seeing you in person. He certainly wasn't disappointed by you when he saw you either. You were cute and a little nervous and when you started talking about how you enjoyed giving that loser a blow job he couldn’t help but shift his eyes down to your mouth and imagine what your lips would look like on his cock. He wondered if you’d be just as eager to suck him off as you seemed like you were for the other guy.
Now, Harry was a polite and nice man. He was as respectful as they came. But he was still a man with a very high sex drive and he couldn’t help it. He did enjoy having sex and he got a lot of ass because he was good at what he did. And he was under no allusion that it also didn’t have anything to do with how attractive he was. Because of course, it did. He was aware of the way women looked at him and all the whispers about him on campus. And most of the time the sessions were just fun sex more than anything else. However, he happily gave guidance when needed.
And this time he was feeling pretty gung-ho to see what you could do. He’d like to get started right away, which normally he’d wait until after the initial meeting before jumping into it but there was something about the way you were looking at him, your eyes hungry and inviting…
You watched Harry shift in his chair and look around the café before he looked back at you, “What are you doing right now? Like after this?”
“Oh… nothing. Was gonna read a little, prep for a test I have on Monday. But…” you shook your head.
“Would you be interested in going somewhere more private? My studio is at the off-campus university apartments. Twenty-minute walk from here.”
Was he…? You scrunched your brows, confused at the sudden invite to his place.
“It’s up to you. I’m not rushing you or anything I just have a free evening and you seem really enthusiastic and I’d like to kind of get a feel for what we’re working with. If you think you’re ready.”
You nodded, “Okay. I mean… yeah. So no roommates?” You laughed nervously as he stood up and it was the first time you let your attention fall to the space at his crotch, to which you quickly bobbed your eyes back up to his face as you stood.
“Nope. Co-ed apartments. No roommate. Super private.” He didn’t miss the way you scraped your eyes over his torso and down to the spot on his jeans where his zipper was.
So that was that then. You’d be getting a lesson sooner than you imagined. And when you walked the twenty minutes through campus and the street that was just adjacent to the cafeteria you could almost hear your heart pounding. He was taller than you expected. He easily kept the conversation alive with small talk. He seemed so confident and easygoing. You tried to let that charisma and charm soak through your veins so that you weren’t as nervous as you felt, but it was impossible. You were about to go into Harry Style’s apartment alone and probably give him a blow job.
Harry waved at a few people on your way up to his floor. He was clearly popular. You wondered if anyone knew what might be happening. Why you were with him and why you were following behind him like you were a pup being trained and he was carrying a treat.
“Here she is,” he opened his door and gestured for you to walk inside. Neat and tidy with stacks of books and lots of plants. Some plants hanging, most potted, and on the floor or on tables. You noted he had no television and that there was a big partition that separated the small living space from what was probably where he had his bed. The kitchen was organized with open shelving and he’d bought a wire rack and it was stacked full of packaged foods, spices, oil, and other things to cook with at the top and at the bottom with pots and pans and a blender with its cord neatly wrapped around the base.
He excused himself to the bathroom while you looked around. There wasn’t anywhere to go really. There were two doors in the whole place. The bathroom door and another one, which you assumed was a closet. The kitchen area was open to the small living space.
When Harry emerged he sat down on the couch, which looked well-worn. You wondered how many people he’d had over and on that very couch. He sat with his legs spread and drew his arms over the back of the couch and just watched as you stepped in closer toward the small coffee table, “I like all the plants,” you commented.
He nodded and you clasped your hands behind your back in wait for what would happen next. You didn’t want to look again at his crotch. But the way he was sitting made it hard. He took up so much space on that couch and with his legs spread open like they were, it was almost as if he wanted you to.
“Gonna sit with me? I’m not gonna do anything if you don’t want.”
You nodded and sat down, keeping your limbs close to your body and separate from him. You didn’t want to invade his space or get in too close. Not yet anyway. Not until he invited you. Or rather, until he told you what to do next.
“Everything I said at Maud’s still stands. If you change your mind that’s fine. I’m not going to be mad.”
You turned to look at him and swallowed. The guy was out of this world. Simply delicious looking. “Okay.” You spoke in barely above a whisper.
Harry leaned forward, putting his elbows over his knees as he kept his eyes on you, “Is this how you usually initiate?”
You raised your brows and shook your head, “What?”
“You said you wanted to be better at initiating. So far, I’m not getting any signals that you’re interested. Could be your first problem. Try relaxing a little, Y/n. Sit back and unhook your fingers. Loosen your shoulders. Not only will you feel more settled, but you’ll make the person with you feel better too. Which could push you to naturally begin conversation or movements that encourage contact.”
“Oh. Okay,” you sat back into his couch and loosed your hands, relaxing your posture, and looked at him, “Like this?”
Harry grinned and let out a small laugh, “Perfect. Now at least it appears you’re not scared of me.”
“I’m not scared,” you quickly shook your head.
“I didn’t think you were. But your body language was giving closed-off signals. Which could appear to some like fear or discomfort.”
It made sense you guessed.
“I see. So, relax and it makes everyone feel better.”
He grinned, “So tell me what normally happens when you’re with someone and it leads to something sexual. Set the scene for me.”
You cleared your throat and decided to use your last time with Gunther as the example.
“Well, we were in his dorm room listening to music and laughing about something–“
“Back up a little. Did you invite yourself to his room? Did he invite you? What happened before you got to his room?”
“Oh, uh…” you pursed your lips in thought. “Well, we were out with two mutual friends. At a bar. Gunther, his name is Gunther, he was kind of flirting with me and I liked it. We didn’t really know each other all that well before but I always found him interesting. And so… he was flirting with me. Complimenting me. Things like that. Then he asked me to go back to his room with him. So, I sort of figured something would happen,” you shrugged. You didn’t know why it was so weird telling him all those details but it was.
You recounted how Gunther had made all the moves; kissed you first, groped you and then somehow it ended up with you sucking him off while he laid back on his bed and you were between his legs.
“And… he didn’t return the favor? Like you didn’t get anything?”
You shook your head, “I mean, I didn’t ask. He got off and then that was it really. I left not long after.”
Harry frowned, “Okay. And did you hope he’d do something in return? Like, use his hands or his mouth on you? Did you want more?”
Another shrug of your shoulders, “I mean… I didn’t expect it. Thought maybe next time we could do more? I don’t know.”
“You didn’t expect it. But would you have liked it?”
Nodding your head you looked away from his eyes, “I guess.”
“Did it turn you on?”
Another embarrassing thing to admit to someone you hardly knew. You nodded again, “It just all happened really quickly. I kind of thought things would take longer and we’d chat and maybe he’d have me stay longer and then… well anyway. It was like a total of thirty minutes or something that I was in his room.”
Harry sighed and crossed his leg over his thigh toward you, “And you really want to give Gunther the best head you can? The guy who wasn’t worried about your own needs? Seems very selfless of you, Y/n.”
You let out a breath and laughed, “I know. I just want to be good at it. And that was the first time we did anything so I figured I’d give him a pass.”
“That’s very thoughtful of you. Gunther is lucky you’re still willing to give him another shot.”
“I guess I thought if I was better he’d want to do it more and maybe then we could do other things too.”
“I’m going to be honest, Y/n,” Harry stretched his arm across the back of the couch, “You’re very cute and you probably won’t need to worry much about initiating most of the time. Like, for me, all you have to do is look at me with those pretty eyes and I’m ready to do whatever you want me to.”
It had been a surprise to hear that. You weren’t sure what to do with that information but you couldn’t help but smile to yourself as you looked down at your lap.
“But a good start is to keep eye contact. At least enough to indicate interest. Can you look at me?”
Lifting your gaze to his he grinned, “There we go. So pretty.”
You shook your head, “I’m sure you say that to everyone.”
Harry lifted his hand to your cheekbone, “No. I don’t. And I don’t do this with just anyone either. Sometimes I turn down a request. I don’t tell them why but… There’s gotta be attraction on my end as well. And I find you very attractive, Y/n.”
You swallowed down the saliva in your throat and blinked for a break in eye contact before biting your lip.
“Now, even though we’re here for one thing, I do have opinions on matters of the heart and relationships. And frankly, I have to be honest about this Gunther, guy,” he dropped his hand, making his fingers brush down your cheek until he was no longer touching you, “I don’t like that he didn’t offer to get you off too. That’s a big red flag in my book. I feel it’s important to give and to receive unless it’s explicitly stated at the beginning. But you told me you thought you’d get more. And that bothers me.”
“Well, he’s a nice guy. I think he just wasn’t thinking…”
“He wasn’t thinking about your needs. That was selfish of him and something to watch out for. We can give him a pass for the first time, but if you see him again and he still doesn’t think about your needs, I’d hope you’d end that relationship and seek someone who’s willing to be less selfish with you.”
It surprised you that Harry was saying that about Gunther. But perhaps he was right. You did leave his dorm that night quite disappointed.
“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I know you barely know me but that’s just my take. I’d never not offer to return the favor,” he kept his eyes on yours and you swore his lips were suddenly a shade darker. They looked like the perfect lips to kiss.
He grinned when he noted where your eyes were homed in on, “Do you mind coming closer? Feels like you're still too far away.”
You puffed out a nervous laugh as you scooted your bottom in closer toward Harry. His arm was draped over the back of the couch behind you and you felt the warmth of him before you felt his fingers graze the back of your neck.
 “So, I can kiss you? Can we start there?”
You breathed out through your nose and smiled as you nodded and kept your face angled toward his. He watched as you hesitantly put your palm on his knee and he put his hand over yours, “You’re a natural. See?”
Another soft laugh fell from your mouth as Harry’s face drew in closer to yours and your heart stopped as he nudged his nose into yours and you felt his soft lips smush against yours.
It didn’t take long for you to start feeling that familiar heat between your legs as he ran his tongue against yours. It felt so intimate… not like a tutor lesson or anything of the sort. It was you and a handsome man making out on his couch as he pulled you onto his lap. It felt real.
For some reason, you imagined it being a little more dry. Like a real lesson. Like he’d pull his pants down and tell you what to do and show you what he liked and what really made men go wild. You hadn’t imagined kissing being part of the equation for some reason.
“Did he tell you how soft your lips are or how those sweet little noises coming from your mouth drove him crazy?”
He spoke his words between kisses and you were going to pass out. Because no, Gunther gave you no compliments once you got into his dorm room.
You shook your head as you parted from the kiss, your eyes on his.
Harry’s eyes roved your face as he softly dragged his thumb back and forth on your jaw, “I don’t like him one bit. You deserve someone who’s going to tell you how good you are and how good you make them feel.”
He softly pressed his lips against yours again, the kiss heating up into a frenzied pace once again as you stuffed your fingers into his hair and then you felt the bulk of his erection under your thigh when you moved in closer.
Parting from the kiss you looked down and then back up at him and he just smiled. Like it was the most normal and natural thing ever. Which… it kind of was.
“Got me all hard already,” he slid his thumb from the edge of your bottom lip inward and you moaned, “Just like that. You’re already better than you think you are. You’re driving me crazy, Y/n. I want to see what these lips look like wrapped around my cock. Can we do that?”
You nodded and began to move off of him but Harry took your hand in his, making you pause, “I’ll let you get me off if you let me get you off too. Okay?”
Your eyes widened, “Really? I thought this was just for–“
“I have a method and it always includes getting the other person off too. Or at least making them feel good. Unless you don’t want that. That’s okay too, but I would prefer to touch you as well.”
“Okay,” your words were breathy as he helped you off his lap, keeping your hand in his but then he stood up and you watched as he ran his free hand over his crotch, “Is it okay if we do it my bed? A little more space there. Think it’ll feel less rushed.”
Obviously yes. You wouldn’t dream of saying no to this man. Not that you wanted to.
The space behind the partition was just a bed and one side table. His bed was neatly made and there was a plant hanging by the opening of the partition. He gestured for you to follow him onto his mattress and he placed his back at the wall, where he had no headboard.
Kneeing up to him you were feeling shy again and he leaned forward and cupped your face with one hand, “You’re doing so good. If you need to stop at any time just say the word. I’m not here to make you do something you don’t want. Okay?”
You nodded, “Yeah. I know. I trust you.”
“Good. Just wanted to remind you is all. I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep going even if I’m enjoying it, which I have a feeling I’m gonna like whatever you do to me.”
You giggled and nodded. He was fluffing up your ego and you hadn’t even really gotten started yet.
Harry started to push his jeans down, lifted his hips to get them off his legs, and then kept his eyes on you as he held his hand out for you to take, “Come here.”
You put your hand in his and let yourself get pulled between his legs as you looked down at the sizable lump under his boxer briefs, “Can we take your jeans off? Kind of want to have you in my lap a little while before we get down to it, yeah?”
You nodded and unhooked your button before pulling your zipper down. Harry’s hands found your hips as you tugged your jeans down and he helped you out of them, leaving you in just your hoodie and panties. Like Harry. He was just in his boxer briefs and his hoodie too.
You crawled into his lap, your thighs straddling his, and sat down as Harry smoothed his hands up and down your thighs, “There we go. This feels nice, having you close like this,” he ran his palms toward your bottom and then back down your thighs to your knees, “How are you feeling?”
You put your palms on his shoulders, “Good. Feel good. And you?”
“I’m feeling great. I’ve got you here in my lap,” he brought a hand up from your thigh to your face, his fingers sliding behind your ear with his thumb at your cheekbone, “And I like you. I think this’ll be fun. Just want you to feel at ease with me.”
You shifted on his lap, getting in closer, “I do feel at ease with you, Harry. You’re really nice.”
“Good. That’s what I want to hear,” his voice was soft as he gently pulled you towards him and pressed his mouth against yours again. His kiss was soft and sultry. Harry was far more sensual than you imagined he would be. Lots of soft touches and reassuring words. And his mouth against yours was addictive.
You moaned when his thumb ran along the edge of your panties at your thigh and you rocked your hips down, pressing your panties-covered pussy over his erection.
He inhaled softly through his teeth and lowered his mouth to your neck where you were melted into him. His warm mouth sponged wet kisses down your pulse point as you lowered a hand to the top of his cock.
He sighed when you began to rub your palm over him and you began to move back. You were ready to get him in your mouth.
“You can bring me out if you want. Or I can do it. Whichever you’re more comfortable with.”
You bit your lip and continued palming over him as you kept your gaze focused on his, “I’ll do it. Do guys like that more?”
He grinned and the dimples that carved into his cheeks had you swooning, “Yeah. Maybe. Depends on the guy but it can feel like the girl is really excited, like she can’t wait – the enthusiasm is nice. For me? I do like it more. But honestly, I wouldn’t complain if you wanted me to do it myself.”
You nodded in understanding as you focused on the dark green material of his underwear and reached toward the waistband. You looked up at him once more to check in and he just gave you a singular nod to keep going so you did.
The material was warm and stretchy. And you loved the way it felt to run your palm up the length of him, before peeling the fabric away and slowly revealing his cock. His tip was thick and smooth and dark pink. And then his shaft was girthy, quite meaty really, but so stiff. And when you’d pulled his underwear down far enough you took the whole of him in and it was… well it was a bit overwhelming. There was no way on God’s green earth you’d be able to stick that whole thing in your mouth.
“You don’t have to have it all in there. This isn’t a porno. I don’t need you to choke on it or anything like that. Use your hands and your mouth, as long as it’s nice and wet it’s gonna feel really good.”
You nodded. It was a relief that he wasn’t expecting you to deepthroat that thing, “Do you like it when someone can take it all the way?”
Harry breathed a laugh out of his nostrils, “Well… only if the person giving head likes that kind of thing. I would never enjoy it if someone wasn’t into that. But yes. I do rather like it. Not more than any other type of blow job, though.”
You gulped and continued palmed at his length softly. Harry kept his eyes on you to watch how you’d do it. To see what your go-to move was and when you made no move he finally spoke, “Go in however you want. Let’s see how you normally go about giving a blow job.”
“Okay. Yeah…” You took a deep breath and lowered yourself down as he fixed his feet flat on the mattress with knees bent upward, making space for you to fit between his thighs. First, you spat over his tip and used your hand to rub your saliva down his shaft. A quick glance up at him and he looked like he was enjoying it.
After spitting another glob over his slit that clung to your lips a little longer than it did the first time things were feeling much wetter. You stroked along the full length of his cock, from base to tip, tip to base, and back again as you lowered further, getting your lips just over his tip, and looked up at him, swiping your tongue over his crown. Smooth and warm. Adjusting your hips you got into a better position and gripped his base with both hands as you began to take him in your mouth. Your tongue cupped the underside of his cock as you dipped down and pulled up, suckling at his tip before repeating.
Harry’s fingers gently pushed at your chin, “I’d like you to do one thing for me, Y/n…” your eyes shot up to his, “Can you keep your eyes on me, just like you’re doing right now?”
You pulled off and nodded, “Yeah. Sorry.”
Harry tutted at you, “You didn’t do anything wrong. Just really fond of your pretty eyes. Personal preference is all.”
Keeping your gaze on his you kissed his tip softly and slowly before tonguing at his frenulum. It was a good thing you were looking at him in that moment because the expression on his face as you ran your tongue along the underside of his cockhead was lascivious and the sudden heat between you two might not have been noticed if you hadn’t been looking at him.
When you lowered your lips over him again, hollowing your cheeks and cupping the underside of his dick with your tongue, he palmed over your cheek and softly thumbed at your temple, “Y/n… fuck… that’s really good. Keep looking at me like this pretty girl.”
The soft touch from his hand and thumb on your face was full of affection and made your heart thunder in your chest. It made you dizzy the way he was looking at you. It was such a lewd act but somehow filled with tenderness.
The drool that leaked out of your mouth and down his shaft allowed your hands to slip around his base, twisting as you bobbed over the first bit of him with your mouth. It seemed like he was really enjoying what you were doing. Having your eyes on him while you were doing it felt more encouraging than embarrassing.
And Harry was very much enjoying what you were doing. He wasn’t all that picky when it came to getting blow jobs. Why would he be? Some hot girl wanted him to show her how to be better? Well, he rarely did much in the way of making someone any better than they already were.
Harry never intended to be known as a sex tutor or a sex guru. He was just a guy who loved sex. A guy who was patient and who really did care about the person he was with, even if it was just a one-time thing (which most of them were). And his line of studies gave him insight many lacked. The more he slept around (safely) the better he got and the more he understood. He put into practice the things he learned in his classes and when he was a Junior after a string of hookups with a group of very popular seniors he started to get a reputation.
It started with comments and discussions on the size of his cock. Then it eventually escalated to him being very good in bed. And how he could always make a woman come (he didn’t always make them come but he certainly tried and he learned the art of allowing sex to just be something that felt good and intimate and didn’t have to end in that elusive orgasm every time).
The first girl who was bold enough to ask him if he’d help her get to know her body better, had told him how she heard he was the best… and that had caught off guard. But he gave it a go. And he wound up enjoying the whole thing so much that when another girl asked him for help he decided there was no harm in going along with it.
He wasn’t trying to take advantage of anyone, as some jealous of his prowess would make it seem. No, he just really wanted to help, he loved that connection and to have it end with sex (in whatever form) was never a bad thing. Mostly he was just having fun and if he could use some of his knowledge and give someone confidence by the end of a “session” then so be it.
When you sucked around him, slurping noises came from between your lips and the skin on his shaft and he moaned, “Oh that’s good…” He gently placed a hand at the back of your neck and nudged his hips upward the slightest when he felt his cock start to throb and balls tightened.
Harry pulled at you to bring you up so you slid your lips from his tip and looked at him with pretty rounded eyes as you sat on your knees.
“You’re perfect. If I had you sucking me off like this every day I’d have no complaints. That’s the work of someone who’s into it and I can tell you are. Got me so close to coming already,” he took your hand and kissed the tops of your knuckles. Yeah, you were already smitten with him. But maybe that was just because you liked his praise so much.
“Thank you,” you grinned shyly.
Harry took the hand he kissed and brought it down between his legs, sliding your fingers on the underside of his balls, “There’s this spot right here. Kind of smooth. Feel that?”
You nodded.
“It’s called the perineum. This spot,” he pressed the pad of your middle finger over the area of skin, “Feels really good when you rub it gently. Especially while you’re also giving a blow job. Maybe take my balls in your palm a little to massage them and then move to the perineum. Just about any man you suck off is gonna absolutely love it. It’s also a really good trick when you just want the guy to come already, ‘cause maybe he’s taking too long,” he grinned.
He dragged your hand up to cup his scrotum and you kept your eyes on his as you softly squeezed. Harry’s brows narrowed and his lips parted, “Let’s do that yeah? Wanna give it a go?”
Nodding, you lowered yourself again, your lips parting around his crown as you gently massaged his balls and kept your eyes angled up toward his. You kept one hand at the base of his shaft and felt the full, warmth of his sac in your palm before you pulled off of his cock and dropped your lips down to his balls, kissing the skin all around and skimming your tongue through every crevice and wrinkle, wetting him on all sides.
You remembered you were supposed to be looking up at him and when you saw his face it only egged you on. His soft groan and pink puffy lips parted in lust with hooded eyes so you wound your tongue down further and pressed the tip of your wet muscle to the spot he called the perineum.
“Fuck! Yes…”
You liked that reaction. So you did it again and used your hand on his shaft to continue pumping him in long strokes as you pressed over the small strip of skin under his scrotum before you brought your tongue all the way up over his balls and to his base. The pre-come dripping from his tip made things wetter as you slid your palm over him.
You kept one finger on his perineum and then brought your mouth back over his cock and the desperate whimper that fell from his lungs made you feel giddy. You sucked him in and flicked your sight up to him but his eyes were closed. You could feel his legs trembling as your shoulder was pressed into his inner thigh. Gently you brought your hand over his scrotum and massaged as you worked his tip with your lips and tongue.
He placed both of his hands on either side of your head, “Y/n… yes… honey I’m gonna come. That’s so good. You’re so good for me… holy shit… where do you want me to come, huh?”
You were kind of amazed at how he was so melty and whimpery from the blow job you were giving him. You lifted and looked up at him, “Just come in my mouth. Want you to feel good.”
He nodded as he panted and you put your lips back on him, lowering down and sucking as you used your tongue to apply pressure to his crown. Continuing to play with his balls and peek up at him you saw the moment his face scrunched up and his lips dropped open wide. No sound came out at first but you tasted the first pump of his come down your throat and then felt his big cock throbbing against your tongue and it was the hottest blow job you’d ever given. And you weren’t even receiving… the reaction he gave you had you so turned on and so dizzy that you felt the need to take him deeper.
You forced yourself down further, feeling his tip nudging and spurting at the top part of your throat and you swallowed around him before sputtering slightly.
When he finally began to moan it was deep and throaty. His head was tilted back, facing the ceiling as he pumped into your mouth and down your throat. The hands he held at the side of your face were gentle and honestly? You were in heaven. You could do this with him every day if he let you.
And you tried not comparing Gunther to Harry but it was hard. Harry was so masculine and his cock was prettier and much bigger. With Gunther, you could almost take all of him in your mouth without much issue. You didn’t but you probably could have. Harry was a different story. His big cock filled up all the space in your mouth and he smelled so good too. It was a mix of what you assumed was his natural smell with a clean powdery soap.
But it was the moans Harry was making that had you feeling so worked up. He really enjoyed your blow job and that was all you needed to feel good about yourself and your ability.
Harry’s moan quieted into a simper as you continued dragging your tongue along the underside of his cock until he lulled his head forward and looked down at you, “S’good. Fuck that was good.” He prodded at you to bring your mouth off of him and you sat back with a proud smile.
He leaned forward to pull at the back of your neck and smash his lips against yours. You clung onto his shoulders as he positioned you next to him on the bed on your bottom and then he ran his hands down your sides and pulled at your sweater, “Can we get this off?”
You gripped the bottom hem of your hoodie as Harry sat back and peeled his sweater off over his head, making you pause so you could devour his chest and his arms, and his abs with your eyes. The tattoos that were scattered over his body and on his arms were no surprise. You’d heard through the grapevine about his tattoos once your roommate told you about him. And you heard he was fit. But this? He was the perfect amount of muscled and beefy. He was lean but he appeared well-fed. Broad shoulders, pecs you could bite into…
You gulped when you felt Harry’s big hands smoothing up and down your limbs as he absorbed the sight of you before you finally pulled your sweater off and then unhooked your bra, holding the cups up against your breasts for a moment to make sure he was still in it. Because maybe your body would be a complete turn off but his expressive face did all the talking and he moved his hands up your hips as his irises roamed over your skin.
“So pretty, Y/n,” he spoke like he knew you needed the reassurance. Which you did. So you slowly lowered your bra and pulled the straps from your arms and almost immediately Harry ducked down and kissed your right nipple while his hand palmed at your left tit. He moaned against your soft flesh and you felt cool air hit your skin in the path where his tongue laved against you.
A soft gasp fell from your lips when he wrapped his mouth over your nipple and looked up at you from his spot, pink lips suckling at your breast. It was almost as if he needed to make sure he was doing what you liked. As if the man wasn’t some kind of expert.
Harry’s bulky body moved over you and his hands brushed over the skin at your sides and down to your hips where your panties clung tight. You lifted your hips, ready for him to take care of you, ready to have him pull the last bit of fabric from your body and Harry grinned at you.
“I’m gonna pull these down, okay?”
Nodding you laughed in slight nervousness. You weren’t sure when you’d gotten so eager but giving Harry a blow job had made you a bit insatiable and all of the nice things he said about you, how good you were... Your insides were aching and you knew you were probably already wet, the crotch of your panties was warm against your skin.
And as he slowly dragged the material down your legs he kept looking up at you. A little bit of reassurance that he was only going to go as far as you wanted.
Paying close attention to his eyes you watched him drag his gaze over all your crevices and then up to your tits and then your eyes as he licked his lips. He wrapped a hand on the underside of your calf, lifting your leg the smallest bit as he tucked himself in closer, his shoulders pressing into your thighs.
The warm, soft kisses he dotted on your inner thigh as he looked up at you made you feel worshiped. Like he was savoring the moment and was going to take his time with you.
“Y/n, I just want to make you feel good. Tell me if you don’t like something or if you need something more okay? Because you did so good for me and I’m gonna be dreaming about those lips on me. Just want to make you feel as good as good as you made me feel.”
Harry could tell you liked a bit of praise. A compliment here and there was easy enough to throw in because it was all true. You were very good and you were so pretty and now he was going to return the favor as best he could.
When you felt his tongue swipe up through your crease you moaned faintly as you kept your eyes on him. And when he dug in more, attached his lips to your pussy, and began sucking at you the groan that fell from his chest rumbled through your core and you held on to the back of his head as you arched your back off of the pillow under yourself. His lips slicked up and down, tongue pressing at your clit and then he moved, bringing his arm in and you felt his fingers prodding at your entrance as he looked up at you, pulling his mouth away from your pussy, “Tastes so good, Y/n. Could bury my face here all day long. You mind if I finger you a little? Would that feel good?”
He ran his digits through your folds like he already knew your answer and you nodded quickly, “Yeah. Okay. If you want.”
He grinned before you felt him push his middle finger past your opening and then he watched the face you made as he curled his finger up in your magic little spot. The one only your rabbit vibrator seemed to be able to hit.
You gasped and with that, he brought his lips back over your clit and got to work. His dark curls were smooth and thick between your fingers and the way he kept pulling his gaze up to yours as he licked into you was naughty. The whole scene was something from a dream. There was something so soft about how he kept his eyes on you to check-in.
You’d had a couple of guys go down on you before but they had no idea what they were doing and you weren’t sure if it was just supposed to feel like slippery nothing gliding over your labia or not. But now, with Harry doing the work… well you realized what it was actually meant to feel like. And Harry was not giving you slippery nothing.
He seemed to enjoy it as well which made your heart lurch in your chest. Especially with how he was moaning into you like you tasted good. And he had told you as much, which… that had you on edge already.
When Harry slid in a second finger he opened his mouth wide and tongued up from where his fingers were pumping into you to your clit.
You couldn’t help the pathetic moans that were loudly bouncing off the walls of his studio, “Oh god, Harry…”
But the thing that was really seeping into your skin and your veins and making your heart pound was his eyes on yours. You couldn’t get over it. It was so intimate and sexy and the gushy noises coming from your slippery pussy were lewd and dirty. It was the perfect juxtaposition of just nasty enough but also sweet and soft that had you spiraling.
When they tell you that the biggest part of getting turned on is all in the mind, that’s absolutely true. Harry was a master at it. You weren’t sure you’d ever been so turned on with any man before. He really knew which buttons to push and all the right things to say.
“Fuck, that’s good… holy shit, Harry…”
He loved hearing you whine his name and the feel of your hips bucking upward in tiny bursts. You were one of those girls that was going to have an orgasm, he just knew it. The way you kept getting wetter every time you shot your eyes down to his was a big telltale sign. Some didn’t like the eye contact but he loved it and so did you, clearly.
He moaned into your pussy and swallowed you down as he worked his tongue in teasing circles around your clit before wrapping his lips around you again and smushing down over you with just the right amount of pressure.
The arm he had under your thigh he wrapped under your lower back, pulling you in closer if that was possible, as he continued fingering you with his other hand. The man was unquenchable. Like he needed to stuff his face in as close as humanly possible. Like he needed to suck you dry and make it so that you never forgot his name.
Your insides were melting for him. His fingers were magic inside of you and it had your brain all fuzzed out and blurry. But the way he rolled your clit under his tongue was divine, otherworldly… he knew what he was doing with that big mouth of his.
You gasped and looked back down at him again and his eyes were already pinned to yours.
“Oh… gonna co… oh fuck, gonna come…” you felt like you were being lifted into the air, levitating and vibrating off the bed and out of the atmosphere as he kept his fingers and his tongue steady. But when he moaned deeply into your cunt, that low resonate sensation traveling from your clit to your core and through your tummy made you lose control.
You didn’t realize you were yanking his hair as your legs quaked and your body liquified under him. But it didn’t deter him. He watched you unravel, tits bouncing and back arching as you orgasmed into his mouth and he curled his fingers up against your g-spot as you clamped over his digits.
If he didn’t have his mouth occupied he would have praised you more in that moment. Told you how pretty you were and how good you did for him. But he waited until you began to slowly come back to earth before whispering into your ear the sweet things he knew you’d like to hear.
He laid next to you and grasped your face, kissing your lips softly as you sighed, “So fucking good. What a pretty orgasm that was, Y/n…” He spoke between kisses.
“Did that all for me? Yeah?”
You couldn’t answer him. Not in that moment. You’d just melted and dissolved and had only begun to re-solidify and become a real human with lungs and limbs and skin and pores again.
“You are really fun to eat out, Y/n. Tasted so nice and you sound so sexy when you come. You can call me anytime you need a release okay?” He continued kissing your cheek and your lips as he spoke softly.
Harry didn’t rush you out like you thought he might. He rubbed over your tummy and kissed your breasts softly and ran his lips up the side of your neck as you slowly opened your eyes and sighed.
“Feel okay?”
You nodded and smiled, “Really good.”
“Stay as long as you want. Okay? No rush. We can even grab dinner together if you want or I can make you something.” Harry wasn’t sure why he asked you that. While he didn’t usually rush anyone out, he didn’t typically offer food or dinner either. There was just something about you that compelled him to ask. Perhaps he hoped you’d stick around a bit longer.
You sat up, “Oh. That’s really nice of you. But… maybe I should probably head back. Get some schoolwork done.”
You’d have loved to stay for dinner but you also didn’t want to get your feelings mixed up for a guy like Harry. Not that there was anything wrong with him, but you understood what this was. A one-time thing. Something fun where you got to learn a thing or two. If you stuck around too long you’d probably just want more. And that would only end in heartbreak for you. Because Harry was kind of the ideal guy in a lot of ways.
“Of course. Just thought I’d ask.”
There were no hard feelings for this kind of thing. Harry wasn’t offended that you didn’t want to stay. He’d had a good time with you and he was almost certain you had a good time as well. And that was just about all one could ask for.
Harry let you use his bathroom to clean up and get dressed. And as you did so you thought about how Gunther didn’t even offer you anything to eat or to stay after. In fact he didn’t even ask if you wanted to use his bathroom, when that would have been nice after giving him head. Because even though Gunther didn’t really touch you, you were still wet, and walking back to your dorm with wet panties was not a nice feeling. Especially when you didn’t even get anything out of it.
You’d be wary of Gunther. You’d give him another shot because you were a nice girl but you weren’t going to ignore the concerns Harry had. Perhaps Harry was right.
When you stepped out of the bathroom Harry handed you a glass of water, “Drink a little before you head out, and what dorm do you live in?” He looked down at his phone as he asked.
“Oh… uh the Millennium dorms near the arts building.”
He nodded as you took a gulp of the water and he showed you his phone, “Uber will be here for you in three minutes. I’ll walk you down, okay?”
“Wait. You didn’t have to do that! Um… I can walk or get an Uber myself it’s–“
He shook his head and grinned, “I know I didn’t have to but it’s getting late. Don’t want you walking twenty minutes by yourself. Who knows what could be lurking out there,” he laughed.
You pointed at him, “Fine. But I’m gonna pay you back. Next time I see you okay?”
“Not necessary. Now come on,” he playfully swatted at your bottom and directed you toward his door, “Let’s go downstairs and wait for…” he looked at his phone, “Rebecca in a white Trail Blazer.”
PART 2 COMING SOON
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Processing identity as a child abuse survivor
Recently I had a huge revelation. Come with me on this childhood trauma realization journey (if you want).
This post was written for those wavering on the 'was it abuse' question.
Fair warning, each of these revelations were a whammy. I recommend you keep in mind that these revelations will transform the way you see yourself and the world. This took me out of commission for hours at a time.
Revelation 1: Was I Abused?
Read this Tumblr post. Go down the list. Check the 'yes'es and 'maybe's.
'Was I abused' is a yes or no question. I need you to really think about this if your answer is 'kind of'. If you could be truly honest with yourself, what would your answer be?
For years I've gone to the logic of 'it wasn't that bad,' and 'at least the worst didn't happen,' or 'others have had it worse'. This is such a low bar. You deserve better than the bar your parents set for you. The socioeconomic circumstances and the normalization of violence in your living area? Yes, influential. But not a justification.
At the end of the day, the veracity of these statements don't even matter. It's a yes or no question: 'Am I a survivor of child abuse?'
It may take a really long time to truly process, and even then it might feel uncomfortable saying it like it's truth. I need you to know your truth is truth. It's a yes or no question.
Take a break. I recommend you don't progress further until you've processed Revelation 1.
(Shameless plug-in of my fandom blorbo interests: Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series really helped me with this first revelation. It made me feel seen and less alone. It may not be perfect, but I personally liked it!)
Revelation 2: What does this mean? (health-wise)
Listen to this Ted Talk by an expert (medical professional).
youtube
This is the part where I got angry and really fucking sad. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself be furious. Our life is not our fault and we're still stuck with this lot.
Genuinely this was such a shock for me to realize. The thing that has the biggest impact on my life is not my anxiety, depression, ptsd, insomnia, blood pressure, immune health, etc. The root cause of my physical and mental illnesses is Adverse Childhood Experiences.
ACE is more common than you'd think. Acknowledging that what happened to you was bad will be beneficial to humanity's survival in the long run. Like any illness, ACE can be fought at a societal level.
Take a break. I recommend you don't progress to the next revelation until you've processed Revelation 2.
Take your time to be angry and sad. Take forever. You never have to forgive your abuser, even if they change their behavior. The chance at a civil acquaintanceship you might be willing to extend to your parents doesn't require your forgiveness.
.
Revelation 3: Why is your therapist recommending you retell your life story?
This one is mostly for when you have steady access to a therapist. Here are some things I wish I'd known before seeking out therapy in the US.
(Is it shitty that you can't get therapy on your own terms when you're underage? Yes, it fucking is. To those of us who survived to adulthood: holy shit y'all. At 19 I felt like absolute fucking bullshit, like my brain was a burning ball of tangled barbed wire. It does feel absolutely shitty. But reaching 19 is an achievement.)
The thing is, I do or say a lot of things that I later come to think of as embarrassing, inappropriate, or in certain circumstances, potentially abusive. Genuine trigger reactions happen. I will always have to live with a piece of my parents in my head. But I don't want to do to another person what they did to me. Self-awareness is what separates me from my abusers.
What to do about this? Number 1: chill out. You're not gonna be your abuser. Humans are unique and imperfect. They have not replicated themselves in you. It's okay to make mistakes when you're talking or reacting. Your brain is fucked up. You can do something differently next time.
Number 2: read this article about Overthinking, Over-apologizing, Oversharing, and Overwhelmed as trauma responses.
Then read this article on how to deal with Unresolved Trauma.
Yeah. It be like that. Isn't it fucked up? Recognizing the four Os in my behavior helped me realize I'm not an antisocial asshole by default.
Unresolved trauma is the root cause for my behaviors that I think of as unhealthy. This revelation happened very recently for me. Before this point in time, I couldn't understand why I would want to recount traumatic events in therapy.
At this point in time, I have regular access to a therapist I'm okay with. Going over memories and deconstructing the blame system seems like a reasonable thing to try.
What happened to you as a child is not your fault. You're not the one who landed yourself in your life. You've been given an unfairly difficult situation to be responsible for. You did not create your coping mechanisms for shits and giggles.
So yeah. Number 3: figure out your life with the help of a therapist. Let's see where we are ten years later or something.
Nothing is easy and everything is confusing. Take a break, hydrate, eat, sleep, do something nice for yourself. Do something you like doing. Thanks for reading.
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obstinaterixatrix · 23 hours
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I recently got my first office job where I am interacting with my coworkers regularly. do you have any evil conversation skills that you think i should learn first
1. Figure out the easiest/most comfortable ways to say the whole spectrum of soft no’s to hard no’s from a scale of ‘genuine regret (invites future attempts if scheduling allows)’ to ‘polite deferral (respectful and evasive, somewhat firm)’ to ‘stone-cold shut down (professional Fuck You)’; you gotta know them all and you gotta be able to deploy them as needed. or at the very least, you gotta know how to give yourself time so you don’t automatically say ‘yes’ when you don’t want to.
2. The easiest way to make a good impression on people is to balance being useful and making others feel useful, which means offering some of the specific knowledge/insight you have and also asking for/acknowledging the knowledge/insight of others. offering/asking can be a weird balance, sometimes for some people in some contexts it comes pretty naturally, other times I find myself parsing out one (1) resource bit by bit to gauge whether someone’s actually looking for it or if it’s received in a lukewarm way. If ‘useful’ can’t really be a selling point at the moment (e.g. starting with zero experience rather than having an established knowledge base in a new environment) then you can always swap out ‘useful’ for ‘interesting’. know a charm point you have that can hook other people’s interest, know how to find and highlight other people’s charm points. If you want a mutual relationship it’s better to make an effort to share equally (for some people that means intentionally holding back, for other people that means intentionally speaking more), but if you’re just trying to coast it’s usually easiest to keep turning the conversation back on them and track topics the other person can get chatty about (pets, kids, shows, how they’re doing, etc).
hang on those are too reasonable and not evil but I’ve typed it all out so I’m not deleting. so, there’s a bunch of worksheets about ‘rules for fighting fair’ and if you ever meet a coworker you fucking hate then you wanna take those rules and do the opposite of all of them in order to have an on-purpose bad faith conversation and to make it as miserable for everyone as possible
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1. If the coworker you hate is trying to talk about one specific problem, disagree with whatever their definition is and refuse to compromise
2. Bring in as many stupid tangential asides as possible so their original point gets buried
3. If you want to be legit evil, always imply or directly state that whatever they’re going through is a personal problem and a Skill Issue
4. Always find a way to vaguely disagree with your coworker. If they have a good point, say ‘Well, no, it’s actually like [basically rephrasing their point]’; you can either be subtle about this (negging) or blatant about this (The Mansplainer)
5. There’s a limit to how disrespectful anyone can be as a new employee. Find that limit and keep just short of it.
6. Always deflect and blame someone else, or if there isn’t someone to blame, have different excuses at the ready for anything that anyone might take issue with.
to some, evil communication skills is to win. but I think the most successful (insufferable) application is when the point is to make everyone as miserable as possible. I’m not trapped here with you, You’re Trapped Here With Me. also I wouldn’t actually recommend doing many of these things if you want functional working relationships. but it’s good to keep in mind if you’re ready to go nuclear! but more seriously, I do think these are important evil communication skills to learn because if you recognize someone using them against you, it gives you the chance to make strategies based on their behavior. 1. If someone is disagreeing with you any time you try to express a problem, shut down the conversation and reengage with a mediator that will be fair to you; 2. if stupid tangents keep showing up, it’s up to you to be the terrier with its teeth sunk into the mailman’s leg; etc. anyway this has gone too long and someone else should probably be giving more legit advice
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Conditioning (Be a Doll AU)
Vox x doll!reader
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CW: Violence, Valentino, Manipulation, Mind Control, Hypnosis, Brainwashing, Begging, Electrocution, Chains (yk what it’s for), Vox being an asshole (He’s in Hell for a reason), AU typical events.
Note: Vox is manipulative, possessive, jealous, impulsive, controlling, and harsh in this AU. He can be extremely violent towards reader, and is consistently abusing them either way. He is not a good person! If anyone is sensitive to or may have a negative reaction from these topics, I recommend clicking away now.
“Stop! Just stop!” I yelled, pushing Vox away.
“Oh you’re in for it now…” Val chuckled.
Vox grabbed my arm and yanked me closer to him, a scowl on his face. “You think you can get away from me?” He asked, sending an electric shock through me. I writhed, burning pain shooting through my body. “I own you. Don’t you dare forget that.”
I slumped forward a little. “Just- just leave me alone,” I said, gasping for air. I regained my senses enough to realize I was leaning against him, so I moved back to supporting myself on my own two feet. “Just…. Please….” I was shaking as I tried to stand on my own. Despite this, I stomped on his foot and kneed him where it hurt. As best as I could manage, anyway.
“Oh, fuck!” Vox yelled, hunching over. Valentino laughed and came up behind me, stopping me from attacking Vox further by pinning my arms in place. “Oh…” Vox sighed and laughed as he stood. “I am going to have so much fun when I finally break you…” he readjusted his bow.
“No! No, no, just leave me alone!” I yelled, thrashing in Valentinos arms. Vox leaned forward looking smug. He moved to touch me and I bit him harshly. “Fuck off!”
“Ew,” Vox said, looking disgusted as he moved away to clean his hand. “Ugh. Christ, you really are like a stray!” He laughed it off and made a gesture towards Valentino.
“Time for training, little one,” Valentino purred, throwing me to the ground. Vox moved to the corner to watch as he collected himself. “You look like you’ll be a fun doll to play with.”
“I’m not an object! I’m not a toy! Stop, stop, stop,” I yelled, getting back up immediately. “Just stop it! Just leave me alone! Stop!”
“Mm..” Valentino regarded me as if I was a tantruming child. He grabbed my wrists and held them tightly, then used his other two hands to move my head. He did it with ease, moving it from side to side as if he was planning to pull it right off. “I could snap your neck in an instant, doll. I recommend getting that attitude of yours under control before I do.” He twisted my neck abruptly to the side, making it crack but not break.
I squeaked and flinched for a moment. He tightened his grip and hit me across the face, smiling all the while. I made another small noise and winced, but tried not to move.
“Shut up before I make you,” Valentino growled, letting go of my arms. He went for my throat instead, squeezing it tightly. I kicked my legs trying to get him away, and moved to claw at his hands. He stopped me with his lower set of arms. “I said to be quiet.”
Tears stung in my eyes as I stopped fighting him. I stopped moving and did my best to be quiet. I could only hope that this would appease him enough so he wouldn’t kill me.
“Good…” he said. He brought a clawed hand to my face, dragging his nails from just above my eyebrow to my jawline. He tore through my flesh, drawing blood that dripped down my face. He’d spared my eyes, but I had to close them so blood wouldn’t get in. Without warning, he punched me, threw me to the floor, and kicked me. I made a small noise, a whimper, then froze and fell completely silent, afraid I’d sealed my fate.
“My, my, you’re quite the resilient one…” Valentino muttered, appraisingly. “It’s not often I find someone who can take a beating.”
“Careful Val,” Vox said placing a hand on his shoulder. “I can’t have you breaking my newest toy so soon. We’ll have plenty of chances to test their limits.”
“Please… please…” I mumbled, breathing heavily. I was hunched over on the ground, my hand over several long ragged scratches that were bleeding profusely. They stung.
“Mm… you’ll need to teach them how to beg properly,” Valentino mused, lifting my head up to look at me. He tilted it from side to side, then trailed his claws along the scratches he’d just made, but with a gentler touch.
“Don’t…” I said quietly. I tried to pull away from him, gently pushing him away. “Please don’t… no more… no more….”
He gave me a wicked grin and pulled me back, closer. “Now, now, you were doing so good,” Val said sweetly, taking a long drag from his cigarette. He blew it directly in my face.
I tried to pull away but his grip was tight. I coughed as it hit me full force, smelling sickly sweet like honey. “Mmn..” I groaned in protest but couldn’t say anything. My thoughts were muddled, incoherent, my head was pounding.
“That’s right… breathe it all in,” he said, digging his claws into my arm as he blew another puff at me. I relaxed, the tension leaving my body. I didn’t resist him even as he continued to hurt me. “Mm… it’s so easy, isn’t it? Go on now, just give in…”
I slumped over completely, he was the only thing keeping me up. He chuckled softly and picked me up, continuing to blow smoke in my face. I didn’t move, the world spun around me and I closed my eyes. He set me on a couch and I heard a muffled conversation, presumably between him and Vox. I couldn’t focus, my thoughts slipped away as soon as they came. A few moments later the door opened and closed.
“Mm… you seem so… out of it,” Vox murmured in my ear. Valentino must’ve just left. I couldn’t form a response, too drugged and dazed to even focus. “Let me help with that.”
He sent a few shocks through my body, which hurt but helped me focus on at least looking at him. They didn’t hurt as much as they usually did. Everything was still a little blurry, my thoughts a jumbled mess.
“Very good,” Vox said quietly, an undertone of condescension in his voice. “Now, I want you to focus on me, and only on me.” He placed his hand under my chin and lifted my head so I could see him better. I was only vaguely aware of how close he was. “Do you understand?”
“Mmn… mhm..” I mumbled, with a small nod. I didn’t resist his touch at all. As he spoke I felt more and more calm and comfortable being near him. I wanted to be near him, I wanted to stay close.
“Good,” he said with a grin. He brought me into his lap with ease. His left eye turned into a red and black spiral and I leaned into his touch. “Just look at my eye now, and focus on my words. Nothing else.”
“Mm..” I relaxed completely in his arms, doing as I was told. Watching the spiral was like a nice massage for my mind, and I didn’t want it to stop.
"Focus on me, my dear," Vox's voice was like velvet, smooth and seductive, wrapping around my mind like a comforting blanket. "Let your thoughts drift away, and allow yourself to sink deeper into my gaze."
I couldn't tear my eyes away from his, drawn inexorably into the swirling depths of his hypnotic gaze. With each passing moment, the world around me seemed to fade away, leaving only Vox and his mesmerizing presence.
"That's it," Vox murmured softly, his voice a gentle whisper in the sea of silence that enveloped us. "You're doing wonderfully, doll. Now, listen carefully to my words."
As Vox spoke, his voice seemed to weave a web of enchantment around me, filling my mind with a sense of peace and tranquility. I felt myself slipping deeper into a trance, my thoughts becoming hazy and indistinct.
“I want you to understand something,” Vox said, analyzing me as he spoke. “I own you. I decide what you do and when. I decide how you think, look, act, and feel. You belong to me, and I am the center of your world.”
I nodded along, dumbly.
“Good doll,” he said, sounding pleased. “Now, say it. Repeat it back to me.”
“You own me,” I said softly. “You decide what I do and when. You decide how I think, look, act, and feel. I belong to you, and you are the center of my world.”
“And as the center of your world, I am all that matters,” he said with a nod. “I am in control of everything. My words are your reality and your reality is made up of my words. That is an undeniable truth.”
“Undeniable,” I repeated, with a nod.
“Good,” he said, grinning. “You trust me, you love me, you go to me for comfort, understand?”
“Yes, Vox,” I said with a horribly naive smile. The haze in my mind got stronger the more we spoke, the longer I looked at that lovely spiral in his eye. His words were my reality, and my reality was made up of his words. I trusted him, loved him, and went to him for comfort.
"Now," Vox's voice cut through the fog that clouded my mind, sharp and commanding. "From this moment on, whenever you hear the phrase 'be a doll,' you will obey my every command without question. You will be completely under my control, a puppet to my will and mine alone."
I nodded numbly, my mind awash with a sense of obedience that felt oddly calming. His words were my reality, and my reality was made up of his words. To surrender was to be at peace. It felt as though I was made to obey him, his every wish. I was Vox's to command, a vessel for his desires.
“Good. You won’t mind if I use it whenever I please, then,” Vox said with a grin. He cupped my face gently, keeping me close. “Be a doll and smile.”
I did. A small perfect smile graced my lips, precise like a dolls.
“Be a doll and kiss me.”
I pressed my lips to his without hesitation. There was no feeling behind it. It was measured and practiced, small and without any true meaning. As if I were acting out a script in a play. It was a kiss nonetheless.
"Now," Vox continued, his voice filled with satisfaction. "Be a doll and wake from this trance but forget what we have discussed."
As I blinked and shook off the remnants of the trance. The spiral was gone from his eye. I pulled away slightly- I didn’t move much- and looked around, disoriented and confused. My thoughts were still muddled.
“Excellent,” Vox said with a nod. He admired his handiwork, the slightly glazed look that remained in my eyes.
I felt a sense of pride at his praise for some reason. I didn’t want to- he was my captor- why would I- what was happening?
“Be a doll and get on your knees for me,” Vox said, pointing to the floor in front of where he sat.
I obeyed without hesitation, eager to please him. Why? Why would-
What was I thinking about?
The thought had slipped from my mind as soon as it came. I knelt down in front of him, my eyes on the floor.
“Look at me, doll,” he said, conjuring an electric blue chain around my neck. He yanked on it harshly and I winced at the pain.
“Sorry, Vox,” I said quietly, immediately looking up at him. “It won’t happen again.” The words fell from my mouth before I knew what was happening, before I could process what I was saying.
Why was I apologizing to my captor? He’d hurt me, he-
The doubt was washed from my mind in an instant.
“Good,” Vox said. He stared at me, seeming to be inspecting me, looking for something. “You look a little confused. Be a doll and don’t think too hard about how you got here. All you need to know is that you trust me and that I’ll keep you safe.”
Any second thoughts I had disappeared immediately, all hesitation erased. I felt at peace. My head was still all hazy, but I didn’t even care. He said he’d keep me safe. “Trust…?” I asked softly, innocently. I’d already forgotten about everything he’d done to me. I was like a blank slate at the moment, the effects from Val’s smoke lingering and Voxs hypnosis making me more submissive. I leaned towards him without realizing it, finding that I wanted to be near him.
“Yes, that’s right, doll,” he purred, tugging gently on the chain. “You trust me, don’t you?”
“Yes, Vox,” I immediately replied, as if it was only natural for me to comply. “Of course! I trust you with my life,” I said with a smile. I was almost enthusiastic about it.
“Good! See, we understand each other,” he said, playing with the chain. He was nonchalant, relaxed. “You’re beneath me and you know it. I own you and you’ll do as I say. Be a good little doll and you’ll get a reward.” His eyes trailed across my body, then rested on the scratch marks still on my face. “Be a doll and heal your wounds. I want to see your pretty face.”
I nodded and made a small hand gesture, a flick of my wrist and I was healed. I gave him a small smile, eager to please. A small sense of unease was beginning to seep into my mind, though. My bliss wouldn’t last forever.
“Good. You’re doing wonderfully,” Vox said with a smile. He kept the chain held tight in one hand, but cupped my face for a moment with his other one. He ran his fingers along the place where the scratches used to be, gentle, almost comforting. “So obedient… you’re such a good doll.”
I smiled and leaned into his touch, his praise making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. When he pulled away, I found I was disappointed. I wanted more. I wanted to be near him, but I was still stuck kneeling before him on the floor.
“Aw, you want more, do you?” He asked, a playful edge to his voice. He tugged on the chain, drawing me closer. “Be a doll and sit between my legs, beg me for more.”
I immediately complied, moving closer. I spread his legs apart and positioned myself between them, still on my knees, looking up at him, my the glazed look fading from my eyes.
“Go on,” he urged. “Beg.”
“Please Vox,” I said, looking up at him with a pleading look. I’d never begged before. “Please let me be near you, let me be closer. I want to be next to you at all hours of the day, please, please, please. I’ll do anything, I’ll do whatever you want.”
“Hmm…” Vox was smiling now, as he took it all in. “Is that all you want? To be close? Nothing more?”
“I want you to touch me, I want you to cup my face and run your fingers through my hair,” I said, the words falling out of my mouth. “I want… to kiss you, to… to hug you, to hold hands. Please Vox, anything! Even just a little, please!” I was sounding more desperate by the second, but there was some hesitation in my voice.
“Oh but I know that’s not all,” Vox said with a grin. He tugged my chain, and pain shot through me. God it was suffocating, but being near him felt so good. “You’re a needy little whore for me, aren’t you, doll?”
This time, I hesitated. “Yes…” I said slowly. My mind had slowly been beginning to clear, and now, I could form semi coherent thoughts. I paused, the gears turning in my head.
“Ah, you’re thinking again. That won’t do,” he said sternly, He sent a jolt of electricity through me. “Be a doll and don’t think about a single thing for the next hour. Just do as I say, without a care in the world.”
My mind was wiped clean, not a thought. It wasn’t the same feeling as Val’s smoke, which was disappointing. The smoke made me feel nice- I wasn’t able to do much, but at least I felt good. Now, I was sort of just existing with no other purpose than to serve Vox.
“Be a good little doll for me.”
Eager to please, submissive, compliant.
“Yes, Vox.”
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I am going to admit that despite the mostly negative attention that Gotham Knights has received, there's apart of me that was very curious about it and so I took a chance it and...I lasted a whole two hours before I couldn't take any more of.
Now, I didn't think the game was bad no, Gotham Knight commits the sin of being utterly boring. In the opening moments of the game, I was having fun learning the mechanics and I did a couple nights of patrol and this is where the fun wore off. It wore off because on the two nights I was out on patrol, you just did the same busy work each time. Yes, it was just busy work, like in Arkham Origins but worse. See, the map has these white triangles that represent various crimes in progress that you can stop but these are ultimately meaningless.
That's because there are more important crimes in progress, ones that have recommended levels and difficulty tied to them. Examples are rescuing civilians that have been kidnapped and have bombs attached to them, stopping criminals trying to break out other criminals that are being transports and so on. I did some of these on my first night of patrol, came back for the second night and had more of the same ones just in different locations and I just find that really boring. Like with Arkham City and Arkham Origins, I just want to focus on the main story and do side stuff after that. But, Gotham Knights makes you grind out a bunch of side crap just to be able to reach the next main story point and I am not a fan of that.
The other thing I don't like is how experience is character based. The first night I went out as Batgirl and I reached level two. The second night I went out at Nightwing and managed to get him to level four. But, if I were to go out again as Batgirl, she'd still be level two. You have four characters that someone can play as and you expect them to level each one of them individually? No, that's really stupid. Had the game actually kept me interested, I would have just played the whole thing as Nightwing and not worried about the others.
A small combat related thing. I mentioned before that Gotham Knights was developed by WB Montreal, the same ones behind Arkham Origins. So, tell me why, when it comes to combat, did they remove the counter? Yea, you can't counter enemy attacks, you can only evade them and I think that's stupid considering that all four of these character were trained by Batman.
That is just my experience with the couple of hours I spent with Gotham Knights. I think it's boring and not worth the time.
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razorblade180 · 3 days
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Safe Bet
[Swarm Disaster V]
Qingque:I heard you like to gamble?
Aventurine:You could call it the spice of my life. Let me guess, you’re betting I will do well?
Qingque:Oh that’s way too simple. We will have no healer.
Aventurine:…What?
Qingque:I tend to try to take things easy but after numerous failures here it’s only natural to form plans. I’m not betting on you doing well, I’m wagering your ability to protect us long enough for us to gather blessing I need plus curios.
Aventurine:And how long to you typically last in here?
Silver Wolf: The first elite. Sometimes we make it.
Sparkle:If we get resonance. Though your fellow gambler over here has gotten much more reliable since our last attempt.
Aventurine:..Alright. Let’s do it. Should be fun. Let’s see what’s about curio option number one!
Nullify attacks
QASS: (Oh shit this might actually be the run…)
Floor 2
Aventurine:Little lady, is there any reason why you refuse to keep a shield?
Silver Wolf: It’s not my fault these enemies understand who the real threat is. I’m alive aren’t I? Good job, but I recommend investing in speed.
Aventurine:Learn to take a hit.
Qingque:Don’t sweat it guys. It’s time for the easier part. *presses downloader*
Acheron:Hey. Oh, it’s you.
Aventurine:I think that’s my line. To think I’d get your aid in a place like this.
Acheron:I’m just here to cut through the fodder and potentially give you a chance to win it big. Consider me your guide.
Aventurine:We’re bound to get lost then.
Acheron:Heh, then I guess you’ll be getting enough blessings. Stay close.
xxxxx
Knight of beauty appears
Aventurine:Well would you look at that!
Sparkle:Okay, so I typically don’t care how far these runs go, but if you somehow ruin this I’m actually going to be disappointed.
Aventurine:Oh you know a situation is dire if I have a Fool acting serious. I was already planning on proving my value anyway.
Floor 3
Silver Wolf: Well it’s be real everyone. Don’t really need me for that oversized bug. It’s got every weakness you need.
Sparkle:What an interesting way of saying “I am a liability.”
Silver Wolf:It’s simple strategy. We didn’t come all this way to gain nothing. I’ll just cheer from the bench. Qingque, don’t miss your crits. *
Qingque:I literally can’t.
Silver Wolf:And don’t eat too many points. *leaves*
Qingque:…No promise. *hits downloader*
Ruan Mei: Shall we begin?
Aventurine:All this talent and you needed my help?
Ruan Mei:Have you ever felt the wind shear of a Swarm Disaster? Some people say it’s like a personal hurricane on your body.
Qingque:I’m “some people”
xxxxxx
20+ Propagation blessings. Various Curios, interplays achieved, and additional blessings gained. Danger level Eight
Swarm buzzing violently
Qingque:I’m gonna be honest guys, I don’t know if I’m trembling because I’m nervous, or because this is about to be pretty spectacular. Aventurine, if you would? *holds out tiles*
Aventurine:Heh, you really want all the luck possible huh? Alright then, strut yourself.
He leans over to his left and gently blows on the pieces.
“Let’s play a game!” Qingque tosses them into the air and twirls as metamorphosis begins; catching the pieces as they fell. Without stopping, she throws out a four of kind then immediately flicks her wrist like a slite of hand trick to reveal another set of tiles to throw.
The experienced gambler watches the girl pass the tiles between her hands twice before throwing another eight, killing a bug and keeping the pace by tossing a new set once before suddenly slamming down a tile that shakes everything and hands her another four of a kind she quickly turned into eight. It’s still her turn. Gambling is partly a numbers game, and Qingque has clearly crunched them.
Aventurine:(Oh shit…)
Sparkle:Wooooo! Don’t stop the fireworks!
Three more tosses before another hit! No worries! Qingque happily took a single tile and beamed it another insect before slamming down another that caused it to explode. She tossed her set to a corner bug as she took another break turn to eat up all four points before hearing Sparkle laughing as she topped off the difference.
Qingque: Can’t stop won’t stop!
Another eight tiles exploded and knocked the main bug down briefly. Aventurine was thinking he didn’t need to be here, until it got back up and tore through the shield like paper. Without hesitation he let his wealth pour down like rain and redeployed a shield. He confidently scoffed, but Ruan Mei could see his hand twitch in his pocket.
Ruan Mei:Fear is a healthy way of understanding your current situation as well providing alertness. Are you alert?
Aventurine: Vividly. *stacks shield*
Ruan Mei:Welcome to the Swarm Disaster.
Qingque:You get a front row seat to VICTORY!
1,500,000
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lavendermoonlitskies · 11 hours
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Fanfic Friday: fic recs!
Hiii everyone, happy Friday! I forgot that I made a post like this ages ago for fanfic Friday, but I’ve read a bunch since then so here are some recommendations of Good Omens fics I’ve enjoyed recently:
“Heaven isn't built to house a love like you and I” by ItsScottiesStark
Rating: T
Length: 37,291 (8 chapters)
Summary: They did it. They stopped Armageddon. They survived.
This was it, the first time they were actually free to finally figure out what their side entailed.
Aziraphale is a being of love. Always has been. And now, all the love he has for Crowley is free to flow from the edge of his fingertips to the demon's, in a gesture that could only mean one thing; I'm with you. I'm here.
As much as his hands itch to reach out for the love of his existence, his words seem to fail him, time and time again. He knows Crowley deserves more than gentle hand holding and forehead kisses in the dark. He aches to scream his love from the top of his lungs, for the whole world to hear. And the demon knows it.
And he waits. Because he'll wait forever for Aziraphale. Because he knows they are meant to be one.
This one is great at immediately grabbing your attention. It starts on the bus during that scene towards the end of season 1 where Aziraphale holds Crowley’s hand, which very smoothly leads in to this theme of physical contact and how although they’re both unfamiliar with it, it’s secretly something they both long for from the other. Without spoiling too much, they sort of subtly lean into this desire for physical affection in a way that’s incredibly sweet yet almost tragic with how hesitant they are at the start of it. You can tell that they want so desperately to let the other know how much they care, but they still don’t know if the other is on the same page (so “he waits. Because he’ll wait forever for Aziraphale.”). This writer is really great at conveying how much they really love each other, highly recommend!
“Twin Suns” by IneffableDoll
Rating: T
Length: 7,291 words (3 chapters)
Summary: “I thought you were gone,” Crowley mumbled, and it was almost cliché, it was almost the kind of sentimental rubbish he would’ve moaned at had he heard it from someone else. But they were the rawest words he could manage. He’d thought Aziraphale was gone. That was all, and it said everything.
***
Directly following their celebratory meal at the Ritz, Aziraphale and Crowley clash with the feelings that struggle to settle after everything they’ve been through. And, in so doing, learn to rely on and communicate with each other in new ways.
Similar in concept to the previous one I mentioned, this fic takes place after the events of season 1. They get into some real honest conversations (something I love reading in fics because the characters in canon are not at that point yet and I am HUNGRY for some emotional honesty from them), and something I really love about this one is how patient they are with each other. In chapter one Crowley says that he’s not ready for this conversation, and Aziraphale respects that. Without spoiling too much more, they’re both super careful with the other’s boundaries as they kind of start to think and talk more about the love they have for each other that they’ve never really gotten the chance to explore until now. I absolutely love how they take things nice and slow, attentive to how the other is feeling about all of this. This kind of love is a new concept for the both of them, but they wouldn’t want it with anyone else, and so they try. And I think that’s beautiful.
“Icebergs and Angels” by The_Bentley
Rating: T/M (two versions)
Length: 23,498/24,929 words (8 chapters each)
Summary: It's 1912 and Aziraphale, not wanting to be lonely during his mission aboard Titanic, invites Crowley along for a cruise. But he boards the ship before knowing exactly what his mission is. When he learns Heaven wants to teach humanity a lesson for the claim even God couldn't sink it, it could damage his relationship with Crowley, who has his own views on Heaven's need to punish innocents. Can he repair things with Crowley and can they work together to save as many lives as possible?
The concept of this one is so cool, and very much something I could see actually happening in the show as another historical flashback/mini-sode. Aziraphale is given a mission from Heaven that entails many humans losing their lives, he’s obviously not on-board with that, and Crowley is there to help him save as many human lives as possible because, as much as he’d hate to admit it, he really is a nice demon who very much disapproves of Heaven’s disregard for human life. Throughout this one you get to see how the two of them interact with the humans, all while Aziraphale is battling this inner conflict of wanting to just go along with Heaven’s orders without questioning it while simultaneously knowing that it’s wrong. The narration is great, beautifully written and I really felt like the writer understands these characters on a very deep level. There are two different versions of this one, both of which are fantastic. I personally felt that the more platonic/aroace approach to Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship in the context of this particular story was more fitting, but if you’d like something a little spicier I thought that the Mature rated one was just as good! (I’m linking the non-spicy version here, but the link to the spicy one is in the summary!)
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thegreatyin · 2 days
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Your posts about Fallen London are slowly tempting me into playing it- do you have any tips to start or is it best to play it completely blind?
i have a few tips and tricks! mind you im far from a veteran and i basically got my hand held by tumblr for most of the game so take everything with a grain of salt. you can and should do whatever you want always. i don't personally play it blind, but you may get more enjoyment out of it if you do, and that's awesome and im super happy for you. this is what i can say from experience:
take your time with it. this is like. the numero uno fallen london tip. it's not a game where you rush to the end in a week. it's a game where you do 10-minute-intervals of a marathon to the end in maybe a few months if you know what you're doing. spending money on action refills usually isn't worth it when you can just mosey on through neathly life one storylet at a time. a vast majority of the game's content is completely free to everyone, and while the monthly subscription options are pretty neat and let you play some exclusive story stuff (that can be pretty fire- cricket anyone basically defined the scoundrel's entire character) none of it is required and 99% of the time you aren't missing out on anything by just taking your time and exploring the neath at your own pace.
you need to raise all of your skills eventually! this is, uh. something im horribly guilty of not following myself. you can (and probably should) pick at least two stats to focus on for your character (most of the time these will be your main ambition stats, aka the closest thing FL has to a main story questline) but eventually you Will be expected to have them all at around the 100 range, minimum. for certain Super Late-game Story Content, watchful 200 is mandatory to start it, so if you have trouble choosing i'd recommend leveling that bad boy first. don't neglect your other stats though!!! don't be like me. don't be like my poor poor neglected shadowy and dangerous. it's too late for me. save yourself.
friends are fun and free and you are legally mandated to exploit them for fun and profit. okay you really aren't mandated to exploit your FL friends list but you totally should anyway just for goofy sillies. to be less jokey about it, while fallen london is primarily a single-player gaming experience, the playerbase is super friendly and super open to helping each other out (especially new players!). go on reddit, ask around on tumblr, get yourself a few buddies and use them as resources to gain items and stats and menace reduction i mean. valued companions that im sure you will treasure forever and definitely not backstab to publish that inflammatory newspaper article you've been cooking up.
on a very loosely similar note, the fallen london wiki is your best friend. yes, we're following stardew rules with this one. this is the kind of game best optimally played with a wiki article or three open in the neighboring tabs so you can follow along and know what is what. there's tons of guides on basically every part of FL, and it's no shame at all to reach out to either it or the wider community if you get stuck or feel lost at something.
if an in-game storylet has bold text, it will never lie to you! except for when it does. but that's very very very rare. you can always trust the bold text. it is always your friend. i prommy. which brings us neatly into our next bulletpoint,
seeking the name is ill-advised because it's the only storyline that can permanently brick your account at its conclusion. don't worry, the ease at which you can avoid this is practically comical, and the game will Always give you multiple chances to opt-out if you somehow accidentally start it anyway. most people make a dedicated alt character entirely for the purpose of sacrificing them to the well of doom. unless you're playing with your eyes closed for multiple months straight, you'll never run into SMEN without deliberately chasing it, and if you somehow get to that point honestly man just ignore this entire bulletpoint and see how far the rabbithole goes. go on. it's friendly :)
batfucking is always the right answer to any problem ever
echoes/the game's standard currency should always be thought of as a method of gaining items rather than a strict hoard of video game dollars. money-making can be super difficult in the earlygame, but it gets exponentially easier as you go further on. you shouldn't be afraid to sell anything you don't need, though personally i'd recommend keeping an "insurance stock" of the most basic items just in case. this includes rostygold, moon-pearls, honey droplets, etc. by-and-large, these are the easiest items to get in a pinch, and it usually isn't worth buying them from the bazaar when you can otherwise get them naturally through other methods around london. once you've got a good lodgings setup and feel decently familiar with the earlygame zones and their options, you should aim to have at minimum 1,000 of these bad boys on hand at any given time, then feel free to sell any excess you make for some quick cash in a pinch.
menaces aren't as bad as you may think, but be wary of specifically suspicion! the four main menace qualities you'll encounter in the earlygame are nightmares, wounds, scandal, and suspicion. when one of these menace stacks reach 8, you'll automatically be trapped in a unique location corresponding to whatever menace you raised too high and will have to spend time working your way out. some (nightmares and wounds) tend to fly-by rather quickly, while others (scandal and suspicion) tend to take a bit longer to get out of. none of these mean the end of your playthrough or your character, and some quests even require you to visit certain menace-exclusive locations! there are tons of items and ways to reduce menaces and keep yourself out of Situations such as these, but suspicion in particular is probably the only menace you should avoid maxing At All Costs. when your suspicion gets too high and you get sent to its special menace zone too often, you build up a criminal record that makes it harder to reduce suspicion in the future. fortunately, suspicion is the only menace with this gimmick, and before this record gets too high it's just as easy to keep row as the rest of the lot. TLDR, death from wounds is easy to escape from, but avoiding the strongarm of the law is substantially more annoying and inconvenient.
or you could be like tumblr user @with-bells-upon, who's apparently avoided death at all costs and apparently hasn't died once in the entire several months they've been playing. i don't even know how they've gotten this far without doing that. it's kind of impressive, kind of funny. especially since their ambition is one the few requiring you to die to proceed. this isn't a piece of advice i just wanted to affectionately call them out because what the heck
speaking of ambitions, pick the ambition that's right for you! ambitions are the biggest overarching questline in the game, and their requirements and rewards span the entire neath and occasionally even beyond. all four ambitions are meant to be started early and last well into the mid and late game. outside of a certain special situation regarding the light fingers ambition (the only ambition that explicitly lies to you in-game when describing its premise) you can't change your ambition without spending money, so choose carefully and choose well. they're all (mostly) equally rewarding and equally fulfilling adventures that will define your player character and your journey through the neath. there's tons of advice and spoiler-free summaries of each ambition online, so i won't cover it all here. just do your research (or don't, if you prefer) and follow your heart. maybe playing the world's most high-stake poker game ever speaks to you. maybe you want to commit a murder. maybe you want to commit a murder in the name of justice and/or revenge. maybe you just want a really really big really really shiny rock. all can be found in the neath, and all shall (eventually) be well.
if you buy 400 lucky weasels you get a special achievement. i don't need to say more.
make up a guy. this is another legal mandate if you're a fallen london player. you have to make up your own little sicko victorian london guy and roleplay them while you play. trust me. it's fun. it's free. they're going to haunt you forever. the scoundrel got a nickname like 4 months ago and ever since my mind has never known peace.
and probably most important of all, fallen london might not be the game for you, and that's okay. it includes a lot of reading. and grinding. and i do mean a lot of reading and grinding. particularly the latter, which tends to throw people off the most out of anything. it's a very niche game for a very niche audience and getting into it can be an acquired taste at the best of times. but when you do get into it, it's some Really good writing and Really in-depth worldbuilding and the most fun you'll ever have imagining sicko victorian guys running around building train stations and railway tracks directly to hell. take your time, have fun, and most important of all, always look to love.
anyway yeah that's my fallen london tips and tricks list isn't it really short and comprehendible
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Hey I was wondering if there was a fic that was like they couldn’t leave each others sides cause Itd physically hurt like the reason could be because they are soulmates or something like that
Also I really appreciate everything you do here my life is so much easier because of it :3
Thank you, we appreciate your kind words! Here are some I've picked from searching soulmates in the library tags, which I hope suit. (not sure of physical hurt - hopefully people will recommend some). The first one is a real fave of mine. ~Jen
We are stars by ariablair
This is a story about fate.
It is a story about tiny tokens that come to tell a history, and discovering things when you were not looking.
This story is about searching. It is about signs, and soulmates. It is about serendipity.
It starts with a chance meeting, and goes on to involve a silk scarf, and a printed piece of music scattered across states, and one remarkable night.
But this is not a love story.
Until it is.
~~~~~
Pressed Against The Glass by @gleefulpoppet
Is it possible that the most extraordinary love story ever told starts on a chilly October morning in New York with an impromptu twirl and an elbow to a stranger’s face? Kurt wouldn’t have thought so, but when it happens, his heart stops. It’s just one touch, but is that all it takes to believe? Should he take a chance and never look back? But what happens when the stranger runs away, even though he finally feels complete and brought to life? Is it just a dream—or will he let his walls come down? Will they live with regrets or find the love that will make them feel young forever?
~~~~~
Glass Houses by @jennmel
In an alternate universe, all babies are born with a level of empathic sensitivity to others; an ability to sense emotions, to glimpse deep into a person’s soul with just a kiss. Except Kurt Hummel. Registering at a mere 0.5 on the Hawkins Scale of Empathic Sensitivity, Kurt has resigned himself to a lonely life, empty of touch or true love. That is, until the mysterious Blaine Anderson transfers to McKinley, and everything Kurt thought he knew was changed. But finding love is never easy, even in a world where everyone’s emotions are shared. This is the story of the boy who could not feel, and the boy who felt too much.
~~~~
Catalysis by Nadiacreek
Kurt Hummel chose his soulmate too early. Blaine Anderson thought he’d never have a chance to choose one at all.
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Fine is a Four-Letter Word (Chapter Three)
Summary: This is Part Twenty-Two of my series A Herrmann/Halstead Production. It is an AU where Christopher Herrmann's mom had an affair with Pat Halstead resulting in a baby. The series follows this OC character (Rebecca "Bex" Herrmann) as she grows up and gets to know her brothers and the various Chicago teams. It is very much an AU, just to underscore that. It doesn't follow the same timeline and characters will follow different paths.
Click here for the Series Rundown where you can find the links to read all of the previous installments (which I highly recommend you do so that this one makes sense.)
Rating: Mature
Relationships: Christopher Herrmann & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Original Female Character, Will Halstead & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Will Halstead, Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz/Original Female Character, Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes, Assorted OC Couples
Warnings: Injury Recovery, Trauma Recovery, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Protective Siblings, Family Feels, Team as Family, Road Trip, Kissing, Romance, Mild Sexual Content, Swearing, Eventual Happy Ending
Chapter One Chapter Two
Chapter Three
You have ONE new message.
“Hey, man, it’s Ed. Sorry for the early call, just wanted to check in. I know you had your hands full getting Bex settled back in at home last night and you couldn’t make it out to the meeting, but we haven’t had a chance to talk really since everything, well…since everything. I know it’s been rough and you’re focused on Bex—and rightfully so, I get it. I just—listen, don’t forget yourself in all of this. It’s a lot to be dealing with and me and Chuck and everybody, we’re here for you, okay, Mouse? If you need to talk or have a break or whatever…we’re here…Okay. That’s all I got. Talk to you soon, bud. Count on it.”
To delete this message, press SEVEN. To save it, press NINE.
To delete this message, press SEVEN. To save it, press NINE.
Are you still there?
To delete this message, press SEVEN. To save it, press—
Message saved.
***
Mouse
“Let’s negotiate, shall we?”
Mouse could’ve almost bought Bex’s cocky offer if she wasn’t currently relying on the wall to keep herself upright. And the fact that she was turning an alarming shade of gray just from trying to walk to the elevator.
This was not going to end well.
Jay, like he’d heard Mouse’s thought and accepted it as a personal challenge, went on the offense as he shouldered past to get to Bex. “Negotiate? No, uh-uh,” he said, thrusting a hand out towards her. “Gimme your keys and we’re getting you back inside to rest.”
“Jay—”
“Quit arguing. You look like you’re about to pass out.”
“Will you please just listen to me for one second,” Bex yelled, pressing a hand to her forehead as she closed her eyes. She took a shaky breath before opening them again. “I can’t stay here knowing that Will’s having a hard time and that Emery is—that they’re waking her up soon.”
Jay sighed. “You going there won’t help—”
“Stop! I know! Okay? I know I can’t actually do anything for Will and that Connor has him covered, but Emery—” Bex’s eyes filled with tears and Mouse found himself moving before he had a chance to second guess himself.  
He ducked around Jay and stepped into Bex’s space, slowly, giving her a chance to wave him off. Instead, she let out a soft noise and swayed toward him, dropping her forehead to his chest.
Mouse carefully brought his arms up around her and she mumbled something. “Say that again?” he asked quietly.
“I need to be there.” Bex turned her head so they could hear her and whatever her face was doing had Jay’s falling. “What if it was one of you? Wouldn’t you want to be there? So that when they woke up, they’d know that they’re safe?”
Jay met his eyes over Bex’s head and Mouse knew they were both thinking of the same moment.
Of Jay on a cot in a tent in the middle of nowhere and Mouse pushing through medics so he could be by his side. He would have fought through anyone to be there.
Knew in his bones Jay would have done the same.
Jay cursed softly under his breath, shoulders dropping as he dragged a hand over his face. They waited as he fought whatever internal battle he had to get through before he shook his head and shrugged. “None of us can go anywhere without shoes and actual clothes.” He made a ‘gimme’ gesture at Bex’s bag. “Keys.”
She handed it over wordlessly and he dug through until he found them, moving to open the front door. “We’re gonna get in so much shit for this,” he grumbled. “No, Kol, back up. You’re in trouble too, mister. Chris is gonna ground every single friggin’ one of us.”
Mouse and Bex followed him into the apartment as he kept muttering to himself, heading back toward the bathroom. “No one’s allowed to try and escape again while I’m in here,” he called out before closing the door.
“Bossy,” Mouse mouthed at Bex, hoping it would make her smile. She granted him a small one before it faded away into a frown.
“I’m being stupid, aren’t I?” Bex looked up at him with wide, wet eyes. “I’m sor—”
“Hey, no, don’t do that,” Mouse said as he pulled her into another gentle hug. “You’re not being stupid—you were right. I’d be doing the exact same thing if I was in your shoes. Or socks I should say.” She shook with a muffled laugh and he counted that as a win. “Yeah, maybe trying to sneak out was not one of your better plans, but I get it, Bex. I do.”
He let her go and tugged on one of the strings of his hoodie hanging over her shoulders. “This your special escapee outfit?”
“It’s cozy,” she sniffed at him, mouth twitching up at the corners. “And it matches my socks.”
“In that case, you should probably keep it.”
That got him a real, true Bex smile. “I don’t remember offering to give it back.”
“What is this?” Jay came hustling out of the bathroom, fully dressed finally. “Still no shoes? You just standing out here making heart eyes at each other?” He huffed as he hopped around pulling on his own shoes. “Kol, I thought you were supposed to be in charge?”
Kol popped up from where he’d been lounging on the couch and let out a little howl. Jay held up his hands in apology. “You’re right, I’m sorry,” he said. “It’s more than a one-dog job.”
“You’re so ridiculous,” Bex said, laughing a bit as she stepped away from Mouse. “I’m getting them—oh—” Her eyelids fluttered as she tilted dangerously to the side.
“Whoa!” Jay leapt into action beside him. They both steadied her from either side and carefully maneuvered her over to sit on the couch, Kol whining as he wiggled back to make room. “I was just joking,” Jay said softly as he crouched down in front of her. “There’s no rush. We’ve got plenty of time.”
“No, I’m good, I’m fine.” Bex listed again as she tried to get up. “We can go right now.”
“Let’s take a minute anyway,” Mouse said. At this rate, they’d be taking her to the hospital to be readmitted. “I think maybe we need to get some more food and fluids into you?”
Bex grimaced, sinking back into the couch. “I would really like to not yak today.”
Mouse sent Jay a look that he hoped said ‘I’m here to help and be supportive and do what I can, but also, I’m the boyfriend and I refuse to be bad cop so that’s all you, dude.’
And then Jay sent him a look that clearly said ‘Fuck you, dude, but fine, whatever.’
Excellent communication. Go team.
Jay got to his feet with a groan, crossing his arms as he stared Bex down. “You’re going to have something else to eat, then another rest, and then we’ll go.” He held up a finger before she could open her mouth. “I already checked in with Connor and Kira while I was getting dressed. Will’s getting patched up again, but he’s going to be absolutely fine. They said this kind of thing happens and they caught it early so no one is worried. And Kira said the doctors don’t expect Emery to start waking up properly for at least another few hours. At least.”
He lowered his hand, the stern lines in his face softening. “I’m saying we’ve got time for you to take care of yourself, Bex,” he said. “Take a few hours so you can handle a proper visit, okay?”
“…fine,” Bex sighed.
“Awesome, I’ll get some of that soup reheated,” Jay said before turning to Kol. “Keep her on the couch, bud.”
Kol barked once before snuggling into Bex’s side.
“Ha ha, you’re all hilarious.” Bex immediately started giving Kol pets, even as she rolled her eyes.
“Okay, Jay’s got soup,” Mouse said, pressing a kiss to Bex’s head before straightening up. “I’ll get drinks and maybe some more toast.” He was good at toast.
Jay punched his arm on the way to the kitchen.
“Ah, hey, what was that for?”
“You know exactly what that was for.”
Fair.
***
Bex
Bex had almost forgotten how much of a Mama Chicken Jay could be. Like, rivaling Chris levels. Once she got over being annoyed, she’d probably be impressed.
After the food and fluids and the intense efforts at not puking and then the pretending to be resting, it was late afternoon by the time they finally made it to Med. According to Connor, Will was still sleeping so they went to Emery’s floor first.
Kira came out as soon as she saw them in the hall, a wide smile on her face. “Bex,” she whispered as she wrapped her up in a hug. “You’re here!” The smile dropped as she pulled away, looking between her and Mouse and Jay. “Why are you here? You’re supposed to be resting. And healing. And not rambling around the hospital.”
She shot a pointed look at Mouse and Jay who both held their hands up.
“Listen,” Jay began and Bex stepped in.
“I made them bring me,” she said, reaching out to grab Kira’s hand. “I had to—I needed to be here.” Bex took a deep breath. “How’s she doing?”
“Really well,” Kira said, squeezing her hand back. “Her stats keep improving and she’s already opened her eyes a couple of times. Had a bit of water. She falls back asleep like, immediately, so you haven’t missed much, but…it’s good, Bex. She’s good.”
And oh—that—
That had Bex choking back a sob as she peered over Kira’s shoulder into the room. “That’s really—”
“Good?” Kira offered with an equally watery grin.
“Yeah,” Bex nodded. “Can I—is it okay if I sit with her?”
“Why are you even asking? Come on.” Kira ushered her inside and got her set up in the chair beside Emery’s bed before leaving the room. She moved to sit in the lounge with Mouse and Jay—close enough to be there if they were needed, but still giving her some privacy.
Bex shuffled forward a bit in her chair and reached out to take Emery’s hand. “Hey,” she whispered. “It’s me again. I know—I can’t get enough of this place, right?”
The monitors beeped quietly around them. Bex focused on the rise and fall of Emery’s chest and the soft hiss of air as she breathed under the mask.
There was a hint of colour coming back into her cheeks.
That was good.
All of this is good, Bex reminded herself. It means she’s still alive. She’s healing.
“I’ve been back at the apartment,” she said, watching Emery’s face for any kind of movement. “Chris wanted me to go home to their place, but, uh—I’m—I’m at our place and Jay and Mouse are staying with me. They made this really…sort of unidentifiable, but also kind of delicious soup.” Bex laughed quietly. “I should freeze some so you can try it.”
Emery’s fingers twitched in hers.
“Em?” Bex’s breath caught in her throat. “Hey, I’m here. It’s Bex. I’m right here. Open your eyes, Emery. It’s okay.”
A soft groan made its way through the mask as Emery slowly blinked her eyes to halfway open. “Be—”
“Yes, hi, it’s me. It’s Bex.” She struggled her way out of the chair, ignoring the ripples of pain in her side so she could lean over Emery and be in her line of sight. “I’m right here, Emery.”
Emery reached up, patting at Bex’s cast. “You’re…hurt,” she whispered.
“Only a little,” Bex said. The tears filling her eyes started to spill over as pure relief flowed through her. Emery was awake. She was talking. She was here.
“Bex.” Emery gripped her hand, cheeks wet with her own tears. “Bex. Sorr—”
“Don’t you dare,” Bex said fiercely, leaning in close. “Don’t you dare apologize to me, Emery Hughes or I will—I don’t know, but it’ll be drastic. This is not your fault. It’s his and we’re not giving him any space in here right now, okay? Because we are here. We made it. We’re alive and we’re going to be okay. That’s what matters. Do you hear me?”
Emery stared up at her, a whole battle clearly raging in her own head, but it wasn’t time for that. Not yet.
“We’re here,” Bex repeated, willing the words into Emery’s heart. “We’re alive. And we’re gonna be okay.”
“Okay,” Emery finally whispered.
“Exactly.” Bex smiled, moving back carefully to sit down again, but still close.
“Wait.” Emery frowned and Bex froze.
“What’s wrong? Should I get a nurse?”
“Mouse,” Emery said, somehow managing to raise an eyebrow through her still mostly out of it state. “…moved in?”
“That’s the part you heard?” Bex groaned out a laugh.
“Details.” Emery whispered.
“Yeah, yeah,” Bex said, squeezing Emery’s hand gently. “I’ll tell you the whole not-actually exciting story when you wake up.”
Because Bex would still be there.
She didn’t think she could leave until it really sunk in.
Emery was here. She was alive.
And she was going to be okay.
“Promise?” Emery mumbled, already mostly back asleep.
“Yeah, Em,” Bex said. “I promise.”
***
Jay
Jay sat beside Mouse in the lounge, keeping a clear view of Bex sitting with Emery in the ICU. He still wasn’t sure if bringing her here was the best idea. Bex looked like a light breeze could knock her over and Emery probably wasn’t even going to remember this visit.
But Bex would.
And if it helped her settle and let her focus more on her own recovery, then wasn’t that a good thing?
That was the argument he was going to offer Chris anyway when he inevitably found out about this and tore a strip off of him. In the very kind and yet gut-wrenching way that only Chris seemed to manage.
Mouse elbowed him suddenly and Jay looked up to see Dr. Abrams striding toward them.
Oh.
Crap.
“Gentlemen,” Dr. Abrams said, arms folded as he stared down at them in a way that almost had Jay shrinking back into his seat. “I’m only going to ask this question once. Why do I see Ms. Herrmann sitting in the ICU when she is supposed to be at home? Resting. Which was doctor’s orders, I believe.”
Jay shot a look at Mouse who was giving him that same ‘not it’ look from the living room which was even less helpful now than it was then.
“Okay, um,” Jay began. “I can explain…”
“Oh, good,” Chris said, popping up out of freaking nowhere with that very distinct look on his face that Jay had been picturing since Bex tried to make a break for it and it was exactly as awful as he thought it would be. “Because, I gotta say, Jay, I would also love to hear how this happened.”
“First of all,” Jay said, stalling, trying to figure out where to start, maybe panicking a little bit. “It’s also Mouse’s fault.”
“Dude.”
Click here to read Fine is a Four-Letter Word on ao3:
And here is the tag list (let me know if you wish to be added or removed):
@sorry-i-spaced, @thegirlwhowishedeveryonelived, @thewannabewriter, @lexhalstead3
@foxes-and-cats, @sensitivemallysix, @emme-looou, @thebejeweledwatercat, @lookingfortherainbow85
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rampantram · 2 days
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(traductor bc i'm Bad in English)
I love how you draw and until recently I realized that your drawings are almost all traditional (🤯) I wanted to ask, what kind of light/Filters do you use to take your photos and make them look so clear?
(And if by some chance I got confused and you do everything digital, it's a wow for my little brain)
No worries! Thank you for taking the time to submit your question~
I’ve done primarily digital art in the past (it always started with pencil on paper, but I later traced over it in Photoshop or CSP) but all of my Cult of the Lamb art has been traditional with some digital edits.
You asking about this got me thinking on how to put together a full run-down of how I do my art, but since I’m away from home (my scanner, computer, etc.) I’ll just give a short(ish) answer for now:
- Starting off, I try to keep my lines as clean as possible, and a kneadable eraser really helps with this since you can pinch the ends to a point to clean up in smaller areas and rub it over your sketch lines without completely erasing them or leaving behind marks or residue (I definitely recommend the Faber-Castell brand because they’re the most pliable ones I’ve used, last a long time so long as you keep them clean, and are widely available in arts & crafts stores as well as online)
- Obviously adjust these to your preferences, but when taking pictures of art on my phone (what I’ve been doing the last week or so) I reduce the Saturation to 0 to make it completely grayscale, up the Brightness (brightening the white of the paper), as well as raise the Black Point (darkening the pencil lines) ((also these are how those settings are named for iPhone, so it might vary between devices))
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- When working with digital art software, the Levels tool is going to be the version of the Brightness & Black Point adjustments mentioned for mobile pictures; definitely have the Preview option applied, if available, so you can see the changes you’re making before accepting them (of course you can always Undo said change if you don’t like it).
Overall, though, the more work you put in when working on paper, the less adjustments and edits you’ll have to do later, so don’t skip on cleaning up lines, stray dots, graphite scratches, etc.
Anyway, I’m gonna’ leave things there, but I hope this helps for now! Happy drawing~! ✏️✨
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sergle · 9 months
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what was the leash training thing❔
Omg so a houseline isn't leash training Per Se, but the basic idea is that you keep a line on your pup at ALL times, for the early part of their training. For Hugo (and most dogs) that'd be a leash that you cut the handle off of, so it can't get caught on anything. For smaller breed dogs, I've seen people use very lightweight stuff, like macrame rope lol. It might sound like it's a strict thing, but dogs don't really give that much of a shit abt it, and you can correct behavior much much more easily. Puppy careens toward a pill dropped on the ground, you don't have to actually catch them, you can stomp on the line! You need them to come to you, you don't have to play a game of chase, you just reel them in. Someone opens the front door unexpectedly- stomp on the line. Puppy is jumping up on people, you can use the line to encourage them to stay on all four feet. Etc etc etc. Training tool, safety tool, convenience tool. I definitely think it saved me and Hugo from a lot of moments that could've been a lot worse. Another thing about the houseline is that it keeps you from fucking up the process of getting the dog used to being handled and touched. Without the line, there are a lot of situations where you need to GRAB the puppy all of a sudden, and maybe it's scary. A lot of dogs are Hand Weary. So there's no negative association attached to your touch, and you don't run into a situation where the puppy is reactive to being Reached towards. The leash that's always been attached to me forever and ever and is sometimes directed by, idk, god? Not scary. Big hands reaching towards me very suddenly? Scary! Anddd that's why Hugo has a raggedy leash on in every puppy photo!
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steveyockey · 2 years
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There’s this ridiculous thing that I think is a big part of a lot of pre-egg-crack trans journeys and certainly was for me: “Just because I hate being a man and wish I could be a woman, or a totally different person, doesn’t make me trans, because I’m not already transitioned.” Which is absurd, but you invent ways to protect yourself from what will be a trauma. You’ve learned through subliminal and not-so-subliminal codes that your family or your friends or your culture are telling you, “Don’t blow up your life like that.” Repression, in this really sad way, is a survival mechanism. I don’t know that I would be alive if I had my egg crack in 1998 in my childhood bedroom. That would have been too dangerous a thing to realize about myself then.
[Making] the film was a very raw and scary journey toward becoming comfortable with myself as an artist. I always thought of myself as a “professional fan”: someone who could get really excited about other people’s art, but, for whatever reason, the idea of making my own art always felt shameful. The process of working on the film and saying to myself, “Yes, I’m trans, and I need to transition to have the life I need to live,” are all one thing. It happened while I was writing the script, and that is the shame I’m unpacking in this movie. When Casey first talks to JLB, she says, “For a lot of people, I know the change that you go through when you take the World’s Fair Challenge is a really big change, like you turn into a clown or an evil vampire”—these simple genre metaphors that we see in body horror movies. But Casey says about herself, “It’s not like that for me. It’s making me different. It’s making me bad.” And the word “bad” is a really important key to the film, because it’s not as simple as Casey role-playing the person she wishes she could be. She is expressing a part of herself that has a level of catharsis and autonomy denied to her in her IRL life, but she’s not at a stage yet where she can explore that outside of fiction and detangle that from feelings of disgust at herself.
Jane Schoenbrun speaking to Sam Bodrojan for Filmmaker, “Portal to Portal: Jane Schoenbrun on We’re All Going to the World’s Fair,” April 14, 2022.
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crayolacolor · 6 months
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by the way guys, i just confirmed that yes, the dvds for book one and book two of infinity train are still on sale on amazon!! the book one dvd is just shy of $8.00 and the book two dvd is just shy of $10.00.
please consider snagging them if you haven't already! there's no guarantee that they won't be eventually taken down like the digital store downloads, and if you buy them now you'll have them forever.
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runsouth · 7 months
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toulouse and I at bernheim part 2 !! I'd love to go back someday and hike more of the trails !! and see all the art installations !!!
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tunamayojazz · 1 year
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a look into yuta and toge's couple dorm life
(template by pckgmeat)
#i just think yuta plays takashi kokubo's music bc it helps him sleep/have a peaceful time#i really tried to nail the average japanese self-help book cover vibe lol i hope i did#ive drawn toge reading skip to loafer before so naturally he also reads hirayasumi#which i highly recommend for slice of life enjoyers by the way#kinda regret drawing toge's cursed speaker bc i think i could have drawn something else that showed his personality more#well ill say it here#it would have been a personal planner/journal plastered with splatoon and panda stickers#the stickers are slipped in between the cover and a protective sleeve he does not stick them directly onto the planner itself#it must be said#ive also talked about this before in another artwork but toge takes his stationary very seriously#the first years have observed this and actually chipped in to get a expensive gift card from his favorite stationary store for his bday#they also know which store because they all go on shopping trips ! and that's canon#as you can see i have a lot to say about this and i love it. brainrot is a wonderful thing#in contrast to toge enjoying cooking at home maki is a restaurant/cafe connoisseur#she enjoys eating toge's food too but really finds joy in eating out and exploring all the food tokyo has to offer. mostly unhealthy food#that's why yuta looks out for chances to get food coupons and brochures about new eateries in the city#a thoughtful person to his friends#he's always thinking of them#ok im done for now but i have more to say. will continue in another post lol#thank you for reading !#ottoge#inuokko#inumaki toge#inumaki#okkotsu yuuta#okkotsu yuta#yuuta#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#art
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