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#incorrect damian al ghul wayne
solarflare211 · 1 month
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peak damian and batfamily interaction is him using overly formal vocabulary and syntax AT ALL. TIMES. he will never not be proper. even a few years into living at the manor and with all the colorful dialogue styles there, he still talks like he’s 53 and some sort of medieval noble. this is especially funnier whenever he has any sort of normal familial interaction. like:
damian: todd i have come to make a request of you.
jason: what?
damian: i was hoping you’d acquiesce to my demands of having you read me your favorite book while i prepare for slumber.(liked he used to when damian was a baby)
jason: you want me. to read you a bedtime story??
damian: tt. of course not. you reading the book and me preparing for bed are entirely coincidental. i just desire to hear your interpretation of the authors message and the voices you use when narrating.
jason: ….sure, kiddo. go brush your teeth and i’ll be there.
damian: thank you. i shall see you in my chambers.
bonus points for entirely monotone delivery like see this shit just makes me go off it’s so funny
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The only time when all the batkids will work together in perfect harmony is to prank Bruce.
And for the best prank all they needed was a few label makers.
Labels are put on everything.
On every mug, on every plate, on every bandaid package.
The chocolate bars are labeled "BatSnack".
The fruits become "Batana", "Batricot" and "Batermelon".
Every button on the microwave, every key on the keyboard, it all gets a label.
"Batstop button", "Batstart button", "Bat-A-key", Bat-Enter-key".
Bruce's desk isn't simply the "Batdesk". It is the "Batwood construction surface".
There is a label beneath the desk too.
Originally named "underside of Batwood construction surface".
It takes days, weeks, months to remove all the labels.
Until one day, when Bruce makes a few new installations in the cave.
Surely some higher being is laughing at him right now, Bruce thinks, as he pulls of the last one.
"Batceiling"
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batfamilycannons · 2 months
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Bruce *storming in, burnt and covered in ash*: Where is your brother?
Damian and Tim: tf??
Tim: uh I think Jason’s in the library?
Bruce: no not him the other one
Dick, *scurries past the door*
Bruce: RICHARD JOHN GRAYSON why did you set my bed on fire
Dick: You deserve it!!
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vivianthepigeon · 6 months
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Tim: “I need to tell you something”
Bruce: “What did you do??”
Tim: “when Alfred was doing our taxes he noticed a missing check”
Bruce: “what did you do???”
Tim: “Before I answer do you trust me enough to understand that it was for a good reason and just leave it at that?”
Bruce: “What. Did. You. Do.”
Tim: “it’s all Jason’s fault! He is a BAD person, I’ve been telling you for years!”
—————
Bruce to Jason: “WHAT DID YOU DO?”
Jason: “okay now before I answer that-“
Bruce: “just tell me whatcha did”
Jason: “I got a DUI”
Bruce: “Jason!”
Jason: “it’s not as bad as it sounds”
Bruce: “How is driving drunk not bad???”
Jason: “I wasn’t exactly driving”
Bruce: “I don’t follow.”
Jason: “I was at the bar with Damian and I had a few”
Bruce: “DAMIAN?!”
—————
Damian: “With God as my witness I’ve never been to that bar in my life.”
Jason: “He knows.”
Damian: “Oh I’ve been there a bunch”
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nightwolf14292 · 13 days
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I like to imagine that if any of the Bat-Kids are out in public, whether they be getting food, shopping, patrolling, just walkin' around, whatever, that if they see the Bat-Signal pop on it's an unspoken rule between the siblings that they have to throw on their costume and try and find/deal with the trouble before Bruce gets there. Just to annoy him.
Batman: "Commissioner Gordon! I got here as fast as I could.. What's the situation?"
Commissioner Gordon: "Oh, Batman, thank you for coming.. It's alright, though, it's already been taken care of by these fellows."
*Gestures to the side where there's a couple of muggers sitting tied up next to Nightwing(He has pink, glittery shopping bags hanging all over his arms), Red Hood(He's rummaging through the bags Nightwing is holding, trying to find the black nail polish he just bought to touch up his nails after the fight), Red Robin(He's sipping a cup of coffee that he accidentally stole because he ran out of the cafe so quickly that he forgot to pay), and Robin(He's chowing down on a kids' meal from Bat-Burger)*
Batman: ...
Batman: *Subtle annoyed glare*
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file808 · 2 months
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I have a head cannon that non of the batboys favorite superhero is batman, but they don't know that he isn't Tim and Damians favorite.
---‐----------------------------------------------------
Jason or the most loyal Wonder Woman fan: Dick I can't believe that you're a Superman fan
Dick an superman fan: Hey at least I'm better than him. *Points to Damian*
Damian: Tt I'll have you know that I'm an avid fan of Black Canary. Father is not my favorite hero unlike somebody. *Glares at Tim*
Tim: You know that Batman's not my favorite hero right?
Dick genuinely shocked: WAIT WHAT!?!?
Jason: Yah Tim, Damian makes sense but you??? You have been such a Batman fan sense the beginning.
Tim: Like a year after becoming Robin Batman stopped being my favorite. Why is this such a surprise?
Damian: So Drake who's your favorite now?
Tim: Green Lantern!
Dick: Which one? There's a whole Corp of them.
Tim: ...
Jason: Tim...which one??
Tim:*Sigh* Hal Jordan.
Bruce in the distance: REALLY HAL JORDAN?!!!?!!
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gothamundernightlight · 4 months
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Incorrect Batfam Quotes
Jason: Hey Pixie Boots!
Damian: Call me that again and I will remove your organs in alphabetical order. Any questions?
Jason: Yes, actually. Which alphabet?
Damian: *attacks
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dc-and-damirae · 6 months
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dick: Hey guys, what are you watching? damian: Kitten Football. dick: Why? damian: It’s randomly came on and now I’m invested. And then jason came in and got into it too. Aw, look Snuggles fell asleep- jason: SNUGGLES, WAKE THE HELL UP AND GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME, DAMNIT! dick:?! damian: jason sees the show differently than I do.
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incorrectbatfam · 7 months
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[after Jason returns from the League of Assassins]
Damian: Did you lose your job because of me?
Jason: Nah, the manager’s a vampire and he wanted me to join his legion of the undead.
Damian, quietly: I knew it.
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samthechaotic · 30 days
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Tim: Whenever I face a horrible situation, I ask myself "what would Jason do?" and do the exact opposite.
Damian: For the first, and probably last, time in your life Drake, you're right.
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fleur-dans-la-nuit · 2 months
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Damian: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Dick: Damian, no.
Jason: Mistlefoe.
Dick: Please stop encouraging him.
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adeptune01 · 1 year
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*bored at a Wayne gala*
Tim: Anybody have any game ideas?
Dick: Let's play the question game!
Jason: NO! Do NOT listen to him.
Duke: What's the question game?
Dick: Two people have a conversation but only in questions. The first person to say a normal sentence loses- but couldn't you have figured it out?
Damian: That does not sound difficult.
Jason: He is unnaturally good at this stupid game. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Dick: It's not that bad is it? So who's up first?
Jason: Run away, little pigs. Run away while you still can.
Steph: Could I give it a go?
Dick: I don't know? Could you?
Steph: You're pretty confident aren't you?
Dick: Any reason I shouldn't be?
Steph: Remind me: your old outfit was butt-ugly, right?
Duke: Isn't that a little...personal?
Steph: Quiet, you. Wait, no, hang on-
Jason: Ooooh, sorry, Steph!
Steph: Duke distracted me! That's cheating!
Dick: Would you like a rematch?
Tim: Wait, wait. Let me give this a try.
Dick: You want to try, Tim?
Tim: Why not?
Dick: Let me know when you're ready?
Tim: I'm ready.
Jason: Short and sweet.
Dick: Anyone else? Jason?
Jason: Hell no- I've lost enough of my life to this dumb game.
Dick: What about you, Damian? You want to give this a try?
Damian: Well, wouldn't that be the next logical step?
Dick: Who said this was a logical game?
Damian: Were you the one who told Bruce to limit my animal adoption rates?
Dick: And what if I was?
Damian: Would you not feel betrayed?
Dick: Would you not like me to act in your own interest?
Damian: Is that a real question?
Dick: Is that an incredibly weak response?
*several hours later*
Damian: But have I proved my point?
Dick: Can we agree to disagree?
Duke: Dick, how long is this going to go on for?
Jason: Hours...days. Months doesn't seem unreasonable.
Tim: Speaking from experience?
Jason: You have no idea.
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bruciemilf · 9 months
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Damian: Baba, I've brought a new member into the family. His name is Raul The Rat. Would you like to hold him?
Bruce, who's scared out of his skin of rats: yes
Damian: Excellent. Mama?
Talia, who's even MORE scared: yes my precious child of course
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canigohomenoow · 9 months
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batfam on twitter
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loosepocketchange01 · 10 months
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camifandomfan · 3 months
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Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.
Jason: Shit.
Tim: Wait, three?
Cop: Yeah?
Dick: OH MY GOD! DAMIAN FELL OFF!!!
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