The generosity of mud puddles
They cover pebbles, erase chipmunk paw prints,
absorb acorns, and give untreed leaves
a place to float before sinking.
Puddles offer splash landing-pads
to any child in flight;
display their dreams
through windows into the world above:
limbs and last leaves of sumac and hickory,
a passing black-capped chickadee,
and – down in the far blue –
an enticing ghost or blouse of cloud.
Mud puddles are courageous, too,
when returning the unblinking, burning
gaze of the sky’s white eye.
© Scott Thompson
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Out of all the people we could meet, we met each other. Star crossed lovers. Of course I believe in destiny. You and I were exactly who the other needed when we came together and showed our hearts to each other. I can never think of you in bad light. Memories of you only make my heart light. Expectations were balanced with you so the disappointment was kept minimal too. It was easy with you. Despite that nothing between us two could lead to anything lasting, we both knew. But we still crossed paths. I met you. In this chaotic, crazy, cruel world, I met you. You who always had words of encouragement for me. You who saw the brilliance in me. You who laughed with me. You who wanted to show me the love and kindness I showed others. You. Perhaps in a different life we will meet to stay. For now though I will send loads of peace and happiness your way.
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notes from others to myself: 2022 edition
don’t always show your true feelings. use humour. makes things less awkward sometimes.
your heart is not a home for cowards.
so what if you gave parts of you away to these people? you’ve been giving parts of you away since that first friend you made in kindergarten but your essence is not finite so it’s okay.
itna load mat le. don’t stress about this/overthink.
don’t split infinitives when you write.
you can’t let your past experiences lower your standards.
sometimes you have to view problem solving in binary. if you can solve a problem, great. solve it and it no longer exists. if you can’t solve it and there’s nothing you can do about it then stressing about it is of no use either.
you’re so warm. you’ll make friends wherever you go.
using a metal whisk helps lighten hickeys/love bites quickly.
you can’t just keep collecting these days, one-off days, with people and justify that it’s okay because these days are beautiful. because in the long-term it leaves you with nothing. nothing but pain.
stop now. stop looking for that connection with people. maybe you already have it with those in your life and you’re just not investing in it. either way, stop.
habits are the compound interest of self-improvement (atomic habits)
assuming people have your best interest at heart and seeing the world from rose-tinted glasses - that cannot be your starting point; that cannot be your default.
it’s okay if your starting point is - people are assholes. but it has to be people are assholes and I accept that, I am okay with that. I’ll see the good in people when it shows up. but if your starting point is people are assholes and that’s not okay, it’s not helpful.
it's okay to make mistakes. everyone does that. even if you know that you're making a mistake when you’re making it. but once you've done it and you face the consequences and you're like okay this isn't how I want to continue or how I thought it would be...it's alright.
when you ask someone to not judge you or something that you are saying, you are, in a way, insulting them by asking them to not use their sensibilities.
you may desire and deserve the love of men and others but not their shit. look at yourself and everything that you have been through in the last 25 years. everything you've dealt with. everything you've survived. and then you'll know that you deserve better. and anybody who doesn’t see that doesn’t need to be a part of your life.
every science begins as philosophy and ends as art.
any man who makes you feel so horrible about yourself doesn't deserve to be in your life. no matter what a good guy he might otherwise be or what he may have done for you in the past.
it’s like we have this extension chord when it comes to our emotions. when we feel something for a man, no matter how many “buts” no matter how impossible a future together is, our emotional extension chord keeps going on. think our scissors are rusty. we need to fix those rusty scissors and cut the chord off in time, cut our losses like they do.
you have the softest skin. I was afraid to even hold you because touching you tightly left marks on your body. I cannot forget your skin. or how you kissed. yours were the softest kisses.
just write a horrible book. all you have to do is write a horrible book. when you say that to yourself during the writing process, you take off the pressure of having to write something good and just write. and for a first draft, that’s the only thing you need - write.
you need to stop underestimating yourself and letting idiots in. you are beautiful, smart, kind, and funny. these adjectives may seem common but a person being all these things? you? rare. why don’t you see that? the moment a person is treating you like shit, you should be like “bhenchod, there is the door. get out.”
the people who do such childish, immature things are actually the ones who are really messed up. they are the ones hurting on the inside and they don’t even know it so that can translate into behaviour that is petty, insensitive, and dense towards others. don’t get mad at them, don’t take it personally.
retract your claws.
decide what you want - micro term, short term, long term, or life long - with the person. because all four are very different things.
the intensity of your reactions to present situations are simply the compounded impact of everything you have been through this year. and if you don’t hit pause and process what’s happened, you will reach a point where everything will be so jumbled up that you won’t be able to see anything clearly.
the two ends of a spectrum, though seem the opposite, often tend to have many similarities
yes, you are a demisexual but that doesn’t mean you can’t do casual. what you really want is quality of conversations and connections. that’s the way you are demisexual. not that you need something long-term to share something with someone or feel anything towards them. it’s about can you sit and have an interesting conversation with them and can the two of your get and respect each other? that’s what it is.
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