why do i want to scream?
vocal cords abrading against each other relentlessly,
voice deepened to a husk.
why do i urge to run?
muscle fibers contracting and lactic acid building,
muscles seized into a tetanus.
why do i yearn to cry?
neuroendocrine connection between my eyes and soul set aflame,
bloodshot eyes and chest heavy from gasped breaths.
Into the darkness
Away from the light
Music fades in discord
Fearing the night
Without you I am lost
Not truly free
Ever always wondering why
You have the best part
I’m driven - to gain something from all of this
I’m driven - to carry on with it
Empty hours full of promises
I’m not void - I’m bursting in fact
And this is magic, overflowing mouths
will take you really far
Lord, don’t slow me down
we are - those whose mouths can’t shut up
those that need a window to shout it out
it’s vital, it’s do or die
To find yourself through other’s eyes
and scream inside, you are not the only one
that feels, sees, has it like that
by this communion of words - we are amplified
other’s lips, singing your own life
your lips, singing others too!
we are the ones thirsty to find relief
seeking to feel complete, and tell you how
I didn’t realize
We held our breaths
Until the twentieth
Four years spent
Under waves of
Ignorance and hatred
two poets having been claimed by love
in a long distance relationship
we find even our casual conversations
breaking spontaneously into beautiful poetry -
and within the span of four enchanted years
our poetry has become our personal reality
a place were we, for now, abide within our creations
a poetic home
our sanctuary from the world
a poetic bed
where we consummate our profound love
a poetic world
filled with treasures and delicacies
meant for only you and me
and i could never blaspheme
the sanctity of our poetic home
i could never adulterate
the sacrament of our poetic bed
and i could never violate
the privacy of our poetic world
never shall i ever defile
by inviting another to share in even one
of these poetic manifestations
that have become
the hallowed reality
where we both
Your eyes are beautiful and expressive.
you know that I can read the sorrow
that hides inside of those deep brown depths?
you know that it leaves me breathless
when you look at me and I can read your desire?
you know how my heart skips beats
whenever I see joy and laughter spark in them?
you know that it was your eyes
that gave away the love you held for me?
eyes are beautiful and expressive my dear,
and I will relish in using them as my mirror.
He’d drink to the bottom of the bottle,
He’d smoke till he was yellow in the eyes,
All the while, laughing,
“Vices make us wise.”
J. K. L
Dealings Feelings - Bruce Adler
Hey, how are you? I feel like it’s been years since the last time that we spoke. Do you need a friend today? I know you do and I hope you stop saying you don’t. You’re strong, I know that and I never doubted that. While others are scared of their demons, you laugh along with yours. You wipe people’s tears and then you dry your own. How are you able to give words of wisdom when it’s you who hasn’t quite figured it out yet? You’re strong. But I also know you’re tired. You’re tired of being let down. You get your hopes up and watch the worst take place right before your eyes. You’re tired of overthinking and waiting for explanations that came way too late. You’re tired of being strong for everyone. You’re tired. And you have every reason to be, yet you stilI wouldn’t change, would you? Then, let me talk to you for a bit, hold you the way you attempted to ask others multiple times but didn’t, tighter than you hold yourself every night. Tell me about your day, things that made you smile, laugh, cry, angry. Everything. Drop your worries, heartbreaks, dreams. All of it, I’ll take it all here, now, for tomorrow I know you’ll walk on the same path with your head held high like you did this morning. Like you always do.
You wounded me so sincerely. Ruined me with
Charity, careful wit, counterfeit promises. Chilled
My forehead with final words even though our
Fever was meant to outlast our hurt and I didn’t
Need that. Didn’t need your practiced affirmations
Or unsolicited insistence that I keep both hands
On the wheel (as we drove one hundred yards in
One damn direction on one shitty country road in
Nowhere, Austin). You know, I should’ve felt this
Angry years ago. I should’ve kindled it and let it
Rage. Should’ve sent my Daddy down the freeway
Headed west, wielding your full name and a four
Letter word that begins with an F. Should’ve sent
Him straight to your front doorstep to prove you’re
Nothing like him and consequently unworthy of my
Affection. I can’t charge you rent for living in my
Head but I can unlearn the words that you said.
I am unfortunate to have a father
Who looks upon his own family as enemies.
But yet I do not feel shame
For sharing our last name.
I bleed poetry! I breathe it
how to organize
the organic, which organizes itself from within,
which simply just springs?
And it shouldn’t be stopped,
not to give it much thought
without the safety net, go and spill your guts!
It’s all you’ve got. do not tame the wild
This home is not a place to feel safer,
for guests to feel welcomed.
This place is a zoo,
and there is growling, prowling inside.
This is a place of bears,
this is a place for staring eyes,
This is a home where only fear resides.
Teenage angst won’t last forever,
So cherish your time together.
hold me, mama ocean
rock me, oh, so slowly
take me away on your waves
sail me to your harbor of hopes
ever-changing tidal dreams
sweet, serene symphony
lilting, peaceful overture
in your arms, I am sure
certain we always were
as oceans have always been
poets crashing upon
fragile artists living
spirits of deep blue seas
©️ @followcb ☆ January 21, 2021
Let’s pretend we never had names;
[uncreated god] reversing
Fractals of cost-fluorescence
emanate the cannibal
Reborn as even less,
[the hair is prepared with natron,
castor oil, & beeswax]
Who can lift it, who can heal it—
tongs to situate the feast;
would I be of use—
by the underground
I am human. I am human.
I am flawed; your pedestal, too. You idolize the wrong things.
Truth, like acid, seeps
The cracks and the veneer is gone (I am gone) but still you stand,
Varnish over your eyes,
And will not see.
I find strength
In your softness
I find comfort
In your everyday words
I find a calm embrace
In your unwavering gaze
I miss being a hopeless romantic. I miss believing that I am going to find love one day. As childish as that concept sounds to many, I miss the feeling of knowing in my heart that there will come a day when I will meet someone and something beautiful will blossom out of it. I am the complete opposite right now. I firmly believe that I will be all alone and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it just makes me sad. I haven’t reached this conclusion overnight. Love is fragile and it isn’t for everyone. Love demands a lot of things and I know that for the right people we would do just about anything. But that isn’t me. I know myself and I know how much I can push people’s buttons and be adamant in my ways. I know I won’t change, I know I won’t put in any efforts. So it is easier to say that no one loves me than to accept that no one can.
With her soft smiles
Warm kitchen hustles
Lying on the cold bathroom floor
Hair teased and frazzled
Offering safe words
With another glass of
liquor spilling over
Mother, mom -
So many versions of you
Leaving my mind so confused.