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she-karev · 2 months

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Aftermath

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: Three of Three

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

AN: Here’s the final chapter guys, I hope you like it and I’ll try to post most stories by next weekend.

Summary: Amber gets a feedback from Webber about the meeting when her friends barge in.

Words: 2920

I stand by the nurse’s station outside Paul’s ICU room drinking my water to relax. Alex, Jo and Jenny are right outside the door waiting for Dr. Shepherd exam to determine if he’s brain dead. Grey and Jo were able to bring him back but they had to intubate him on a ventilator. Shepherd diagnosed him with second impact syndrome which never ends well in this case.

It’s weird him dying was something I thought would bring me joy but instead…it made me feel defeated. Paul died before we could press charges and expose him for the misogynistic, abusive low life he really is…was. In the end it just felt pointless everything he put us through when he’s not gonna pay for it. I can only hope that hell is real and he gets a special seat. I see Andrew entering the ICU and walk to me relieved.

“You’re okay.” Andrew exhales relieved.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” I put my water down to face him, “I take it the grapevine heard what happened.”

“Only that Stadler tried to attack Dr. Wilson and an intern. I came up as soon as I heard. Do I need to kick his ass?”

I look at him touched but point at Paul behind him. He looks and see’s the damage, “Even if you could kick his ass, I don’t think his brain would register it.”

Andrew looks back at me with a slightly feared look, “Did you do that to him?” I lightly smack his arm.

“He fell and hit his head after his fiancé told him she was gonna turn him in.” Andrew nods relieved, “His first concussion barely healed so the impact caused a brain bleed I think, we’ll know more once Dr. Shepherd confirms it.” I see Dr. Shepherd coming out and we stand by the others to get the news.

“Is he brain dead?” Jo asks plainly.

“We can’t say for certainty for a few more hours, but it appears the way.” Amelia explains and looks at Jo conflicted on what to say, “I’m-I’m very…I’m sorry. Are you comfortable talking to her about her options?”

Jo nods, “Yes.”

Amelia leaves us as Jenny asks Jo, “What does she mean by options?”

Alex explains, “Well she means you have to decide if you want to withdraw his life support.”

“Alex.” Meredith calls him and he turns to her, “It’s not up to her.”

I look at her confused for a second until I realize what she’s saying. Since the divorce wasn’t finalized before Paul went on a vent, Jo is still legally his wife. Which means this depraved shell of a man’s final wishes falls on her. I shake my head at the cruel outcome of this and Andrew realizes it too as he rubs my back in a futile attempt at comfort.

“Oh my god.” Jo makes the realization too, “It’s me. I’m still legally his wife.” There’s a tense second of silence until the next sound out of Jo catches me completely off guard. She laughs out with a smile, “Oh my god!”

I look at Jo startled by her reaction as she continues to laugh hysterically despite the tension. I wonder to myself if this is what I looked like last night to my friends after Paul came to me. If I was I’m embarrassed I looked this insane. I see the others looking at Jo concerned except Alex who grins slightly. To keep her from being sent to psych I explain.

“Laughter relieves tension.” I hope they can hear me over Jo who’s still laughing like a hyena, “People laugh at funerals all the time, it’s okay she’s okay.”

Jo starts to calm down, “Oh my god. I’m so sorry.” She stops for a second to laugh before composing herself, “I’m so sorry. Crap. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Jo finally stops laughing and now she’s sobbing cradling Alex’s face who looks at her with love.

I feel bad for Jo’s predicament and try to remedy it, “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“She’s right.” Grey chimes in, “You have power of attorney you can hand the decision off the someone else.”

Jo sniffles and fully composes herself before responding, “Thank you both…but this is my decision and I intend to make it.” I suddenly get an alert on my phone and look to see a text message from Webber saying, ‘Meet me in my office.’

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After the ICU I gave an excuse that the office needed more information for my keycard. They buy it except for Jo who looks at me in pity and I shook my head to keep her quiet. Now I’m sitting in a chair across from Dr. Webber waiting to hear what this is about. I already know what this is about so I remind myself that I have nothing to be ashamed of.

If they want to fire me for my past then I’ll go on a rant and tell them I am not that angry teenager anymore. I am a surgical intern who has experienced pain that doesn’t make me crazy it makes me more able to connect with the next foster kid who got beat up by their guardian. Or a wife from a lowly neighborhood who can’t afford good healthcare. Or a teenage girl who has to pay for rent and take care of her family.

I am not gonna be ashamed of my past anymore. I think I came to this conclusion when I heard Jo and Jenny talking. Those two went through the ringer and instead of being beaten down they grew stronger and showed Paul that he didn’t break them. I went through hell but it didn’t break me, it made me stronger and I am not gonna let these guys judge me anymore.

Webber clears his throat, “Karev, I called you in here because-”

His words are cut short as his door bursts open and Dahlia comes in looking peeved. Behind her, Parker, Helm and Schmitt follow all standing by Webber’s desk like a small, baby blue army. I look at them surprised that they barged into our residency director’s office after spending the last month kissing up to him.

Webber looks at them stunned as well, “Dr. Qadri, Parker, Helm and Schmitt to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“You can’t do this.” Qadri starts, “You can’t fire someone for having a few scars and yes a few tiny arrests in her record before she was a C cup.” I widen my eyes at her and Parker steps in.

“It’s unlawful, and unjust and frankly sir it’s a bitch move to pull off this century when every little workplace incident is reported.”

“I can already see the headlines now.” Helm speaks next, “’Top Hospital Fire’s Surgeon for being Low Class.’ And that’s a nice one.”

“I-I don’t really want to say something to get me fired.” Schmitt stammers nervously and I roll my eyes at him, “But sir with all due respect she does not deserve to be fired for something out of her control…respectfully.”

“All right people I appreciate your input and this united front is something I hope for with my classes but-”

“If you fire her then I quit.” Qadri throws in and I look at her shocked.

“Are you stupid right now?” I ask her, “Don’t quit just because unlike you I have a problematic past.”

“A past you’ve worked hard to overcome.” Parker states, “And now you’re here in spite of all the obstacles and your superiors shouldn’t be another one. If that’s the kind of workplace I signed up for…then I’ll quit too.” I see Parker nudging Schmitt with his elbow and he gets the message.

“Um I’ll quit if you fire her.” I look at Helm to see her reaction and she doesn’t relent until Dahlia glares at her causing Helm to roll her eyes.

“Fine I’ll quit too.” Helm says without feeling.

“Damn it you guys we’re not doing Spartacus.” I say frustrated that they cut me from making my case to Webber, “I don’t need people from Mensa to defend me and quite frankly I don’t think the hospital will lose much from four interns quitting. I mean let’s face it my money was on Blood Bank getting kicked out the end of the year.”

Schmitt looks at me offended, “I was gonna lose my job for you!”

“Nobody is losing their jobs!” Webber yells out, “I called Dr. Karev in here to tell her that her job is safe and she is not fired.” I look at Webber in shock and I am silent for a moment before speaking.

“…What?”

“You’re not getting fired Karev.” Webber repeats, “Now listen Jennings pulled that meeting and told all of us to call you in so we can get an explanation for how this file came to our desk. After you explained that it was an attempt of harassment by Dr. Stadler after he cornered you yesterday, we decided to investigate further and see if the allegations were true. When we heard from the ICU nurses how he verbally assaulted his fiancé and moved to attack her it was clear there was nothing left to investigate.”

I exhale in relief at my good fortune for once, “So you all decided then to let me continue here?”

Webber winces, “Jennings was still insistent on letting you go and was gonna peer review it with the medical board.” My joy deflates, “But Dr. Avery went to the bat for you.” I look at him confused at Avery standing up for me and he explains, “He told Jennings that if he got the medical board to contact you, he would hire you the most bloodthirsty attorney out of his own pocket and make it so Jennings would lose his job and more.”

I widen my eyes at a plastic surgeon I’ve barely interacted with suddenly fighting for me to keep my job, “He really said that?”

“Word for word.” He turns to the interns who look relieved for me as well, “As for all of you there will be no need to quit in solidarity. I commend you for it though, not a lot of interns bond to the point of standing up to their residency director for a friend. It’s inspiring, loyalty is something I respect very much. It’s something people like Jennings could learn to adapt.”

“…So can I go then?” I ask him.

“Yes you may go.” I stand up and exit the room with the others and we all stand there frozen not knowing what to say. I clear my throat, “Thanks.”

Dahlia nods and the others grin appreciatively after that we go our separate ways.

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After my first bit of good news today I stand next to Alex outside of Paul’s room while Jo and Jenny are inside no doubt wondering Jo’s next move as Paul’s power of attorney. We stand by each other tensely letting it sink in that this nightmare of ours is finally over.

Alex exhales, “I’m sorry.” I look at Alex confused by his apology and turns to me with guilty eyes, “I heard what you said in the lockers this morning.”

It takes a moment for me to remember one moment after this grueling day and simply say with a blank face, “Oh, you heard that.”

“Yeah I did. Look I’m not sorry for falling in love with Jo but I am sorry I made you feel like I ruined your life again.” I can tell that he’s being genuine, “Believe me if I had the chance again I would have killed him back at that damn conference I tracked him to.”

I inhale and exhale before responding, “If you did that he would win and Jo would be as scared of you as she was of him. I was angry and pissed off when I said that and I just wanted to lash out at the world instead of the one person responsible for it. But if I lashed out at him I wouldn’t be better than him either.” I sigh at that bitter truth, “I’ll tell you this though at least one of us got a good punch in before the lights went out.”

“Damn straight.” Alex agrees, “Listen I want to say thanks for standing by Jo when she confronted Paul so…thanks. I’m glad you were there if I couldn’t be.”

I look at Alex appreciatively, “Your welcome.” I decide to add one more thing, “She is way too good for you.”

Alex snickers quietly, “I’m glad I got your approval. And as of yesterday, DeLuca’s got mine.” I turn to him with shocked eyes. I don’t need my brother’s approval of who I date but oddly it makes me feel warm inside to know that he does.

“Thanks. I’ll pass the message on to him.”

“Not just yet.” I look at him curious and he grins, “Let him fear your big brother a little while longer.” I smack his arm even as he grins at his own joke. Meredith approaches us with a grin.

“It was a drunk driver.” We turn to her in shock over this news.

“What?!” Alex asks happily.

“They found the guy who hit Paul.” Meredith explains, “It was a drunk driver. So nobody has to go to Canada. She’s free.”

I exhale in relief for all of us not going to jail, “Thank god, I hate the cold and the Canadians are annoying as hell.” Alex chuckles lightly as Meredith leaves us to bask in our collected joy.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Jo decided to donate Paul’s organs, I saw that as my cue to leave them to it and head to Joe’s with my friends. I owed them a drink for standing up for me earlier even though I acted like I didn’t need it. It was still nice and they’ve been good to me throughout this whole ordeal so it was the least I could do.

The bartender lines the shots for me, Taryn, Levi and Casey at the round table. Dahlia is with us but she can’t drink so I opt to buy her a coke instead. We grab our shots and they pause the drinks in midair to which I look at them confused.

“Don’t you want to make a toast?” Casey asks.

“No I don’t want to make a toast I want to drink.” They look at me annoyingly and I relent, “Fine here’s to the interns that were willing to quit for their friend even though she wouldn’t have done what they did.”

“Your horrible.” Helm tells me amused.

“I’m kidding.” I rectify, “I appreciate what you guys did it was ballsy, a little reckless but I don’t exactly have a high ground on that so cheers!” We clink out shots and swallow them down our throats. Helm and Schmitt groan and hiss at the burn causing me and Casey to look at them amused, “Wimps.”

Casey joins in, “Yeah can’t you guys handle your tequila?”

“Maybe if She-Karev didn’t spring for the cheap stuff I could.” Helm says.

“I said I was buying you a drink I didn’t say it was high quality.” I signal the bartender who looks to refill our shots but I speak out, “Oh no, not them just me my tab ended.”

“Figures.” Casey says knowingly, “I guess quantity is limited too.”

“Amber can I say something?” Schmitt asks me and I nod, “I think your totally amazing.”

I look at him surprised by his flattery and feel the need to point out, “Schmitt. I have a boyfriend and even if I didn’t I’m sorry but you’re not my type.”

“Ouch.” Casey whispers.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Levi glares at Casey and turns to me, “I just mean…I-I look at your in the pit and the locker room and I used to think you had this most perfect life. In a million years I never would thought you had one single problem.”

I nod bitterly, “Well obviously I do.” Dahlia squeezes my hand in comfort as Schmitt continues.

“I know…and that’s why I think you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.” I look at Schmitt appreciative of his compliment. I look back at my shot glass in thought.

“No one’s ever really said that to me before.” I admit softly, “I mean being the freak with the psycho for a mom leaves you with the lifelong impression that your broken. And the teasing and bullying didn’t help either.” They look at my sympathetically which I also point out, “And the occasional pity stares weren’t a favorite of mine either.” They all stop staring.

Dahlia speaks, “Well hey I think it’s safe to say you showed all of them after getting an MD.”

I nod proudly, “Yeah I did, didn’t I?” I swig my beer and decide to change the subject, “Why do you think Avery stood up for me in there?”

Helm snorts, “I can think of one reason.”

“Is sex always the reason for you?” I ask her and she shrugs, “It doesn’t matter as long as it got me to keep my job. Just as long as he’s not expecting a special favor in return.”

Dahlia chuckles, “I think that would end with him worse off than Stadler.”

“You know that’s right.” I clink my beer with her glass and resume back to drinking with the others looking to end this horrible week.

#greys anatomy #amber karev #alex karev #jo wilson #andrew deluca #elizabeth gillies #liz gillies #giacomo gianniotti #headcanon

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butterfly-in-progress · 1 year

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Alright, screw it, I’m gonna teach y’all emotional management 101

Emotions are not hysterical nonsense. They are not the antithesis to wisdom or maturity. They are not bad. They are informative. Emotions are like raw data that you need to extrapolate further from. When you learn to identify your emotions and what they’re telling you, you can make wiser decisions.

My happiness when studying something I love and understanding it tells me to continue this course of study. My anger at the decline of native species tells me to work in environmental conservation. My sadness about the struggles a friend is facing tells me that the friend is important to me and I should help them. My nervousness about a presentation tells me that it’s something I need to prepare for and take seriously.

The raw data that an emotion gives you, however, does not paint the whole picture. My friend may say something that makes me angry, but that anger just tells me that what I heard was hurtful and unkind. It doesn’t tell me my friend’s intent behind the words, or what they actually meant. Just because I may not know what they meant, or just because they actually meant something else, does not mean that my anger is something wrong to be repressed. It is the catalyst towards me being able to say “When you said that, it felt hurtful, and like you were being intentionally mean to me.” It allows me to advocate for myself and strengthen the relationship.

This is emotional management. If you just ignore your emotions, then like the little guys in Inside Out, they may think you’re just not hearing them and they need to be louder. They have information to give you! Information intended to help you survive and thrive! They will not shut up until the data is received!

And this is exactly why ignoring all emotions when making a decision is not wise. It does not make for better decisions, because you are literally ignoring available data and information. You need all of that under consideration. Sometimes, the consideration falls on the side of “I recognize that I have some jealousy here, or some sadness here, but I value xyz more than satisfying that part of me, so I will still side on that.” And that’s great! That is an informed and rational decision.

The template to work with is this:

Feel the emotion. You’ll notice this when you start having physical reactions. We naturally smile when we’re happy. We tend to tense up when angry or afraid. DO NOT STUFF IT DOWN. Let it flow through your body, not keeping it in place to keep feeling it, and not shoving it away or trying to rush it either. (When I need to have a really good cry, I try not to cry for more than a couple minutes, because that's how long the emotion takes to work through my system)

Identify the emotion and what it tells you about the situation. This takes a lot of practice, and there are really no shortcuts because everyone is different. But some general rules are that anger is usually concerned with what’s right and wrong, for us and for others. Fear is concerned with our survival and avoiding things that hurt us. Sadness tells us where we need help, where we need connection or support. The sadness that comes with grief is that unsatisfied connection to what we lost.

Consider the information you are given with your values and your logic. I value clear communication, so if my fear is telling me to avoid talking to someone, I’m going to say “I understand I am afraid of the uncomfortable nature of this conversation, but I value communicating my feelings more than I value the safety and comfort of running away.” My anger may tell me that a person is awful and I should tell them so, but I value giving people the benefit of the doubt, so I choose to approach them diplomatically. Note that this is different from ignoring the feeling. Ignoring the feeling means that I wouldn’t say anything to the friend that hurt me, or I might not realize what’s going on with my fear and instincts will have me run away.

Take a moment to process the feeling, don’t stuff it down, and act when you are ready. Many people prefer to wait until their anger has subsided before attempting conflict resolution. But sometimes we still have to act in the midst of the feeling. That’s where bravery comes in, where we feel our fear but still do what is right.

Ignoring your feelings and shoving them down is just shutting out useful and necessary information. And they will never truly go away. Start feeling your feelings and processing them like a healthy human, today!

Disclaimer: This is what I have gleaned from the several years of therapy I've had, and this system works well for me. I'm not a professional though, this is just how I understand it, and what has given me a healthier relationship with my body and mind.

#mental health #mental health advice #managing emotions #advice #feel your feelings

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raythe-god · 7 months

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Chapter 1 of Alana bloom X traumatized teen (Hannah ignores this :) )

AJ is a patient In a child's ward she is 15 and female.

The walls of the room are painted in a pastel pink. The floor is covered in a white sheet, while a desk and chair sit in opposite corners. There is a small window that allows a small amount of light it. The whole room is dim, as if they were trying to hide something. A young girl is huddled in the corner, with her knees pulled up to her chin and eyes closed. She’s wearing grey clothes, the shirt and pants looking slightly too large for her small frame. A psychiatrist, Alana Bloom, walks in, her face filled with concern.

AJ is rocking back and forth seeking comfort

Alana crosses the room to her, crouching down in front of her. "Do you know where you are, sweetie?" Alana says softly. The girl stays silent, still rocking back and forth. Alana gently grabs the girl's hands to stop her from moving.

The girl starts to freak out, pulling away from Alana and frantically crying. She’s trying to crawl into the corner behind her, sobbing loudly. Alana tries to calm her down, gently stroking her hair. "Hey, it's okay. You're safe here." she whispers. "No one is going to hurt you. My name is Dr. Bloom. Do you remember your name? What's your name?"

The girl sobs loudly.

"Hey, hey. Don't cry like this." Alana says softly. She tries to comfort the girl, but she’s not having any of it. She refuses to talk, continuing to rock back and forth while crying hysterically. The more Alana tries to soothe her, the more she panics. It has the feel of someone reliving some traumatic memory rather than someone who is simply sad.

Alana tries to take the girl's hands but the girl pulls away, screaming louder.

"Don't touch me! Don't touch me!" the girl cries out, still looking absolutely terrified. Alana, shocked by the child’s response, hesitates to respond. She’s confused and unsure of what to do.

Alana sits back, trying to figure out how to handle the situation. She looks into the girl's tear-stained eyes, feeling bad. She doesn’t want to cause any more distress but she is desperate to learn more about what the girl is experiencing. She decides to try a different approach.

Alana smiles gently as she stands up. "What's your name? Can you tell me your name?"

The girl shakes her head frantically. "No! No! No!" She shouts. "Don't take me back there!"

Alana is startled, she didn't expect such a strong reaction. "It's okay, you're safe." She says calmly. "No one is going to hurt you here. What's your name?"

The girl sobs harder, burying her face into her knees as she curls up into a ball. Alana is at a loss, frustrated that no matter what she says, the girl remains unresponsive. She sits back down, feeling hopeless.

After a few moments, she gathers herself and tries again. “It’s okay, it’s okay. You can trust me,” she says as she strokes her hair.

The girl suddenly looks up, her eyes filled with fear. “Don't hurt me, please ,No hurt no hurt"

"I won't hurt you," Alana says softly. "Can you tell me your name?"

The girl shakes her head, beginning to cry again. "I don't want to. I just want to go back!"

Alana looks concerned, but remains calm and gentle. "That's okay. It's alright. Do you know where you are?"

The girl shakes her head and curls into a ball again. Alana takes a deep breath, trying to think of a different tactic to get the girl to talk.

Alana leans in close, trying to offer some comfort. She strokes the girl's hair, trying to calm her down. She notices that she's shaking and hyperventilating.

With a soft voice, Alana asks the girl. "Can you tell me how old you are?"

The girl covers her ears, shaking her head and turning away. She's clearly very upset and can't seem to answer that question.

Alana takes a deep breath, feeling desperate. "How about... what's your favorite color?" she asks, trying a different approach.

She Shakes her head sobbing.

Alana is getting nowhere. She stands up, feeling defeated. She calls in a nurse to bring in a sedative, in case the girl can't be calmed. The girl just continues to rock back and forth in a fetal position while crying silently.

Alana sighs, feeling frustrated and concerned for the girl. Why won't she talk? What did she go through to make her terrified like this? She can't help but feel a pang of sadness, knowing that the girl must have experienced something awful.

The nurse arrives with the sedative, waiting for Alana's approval.

Alana thinks for a moment, feeling torn about the decision. She knows it's probably the best thing for the girl, but the whole situation is breaking her heart.

Finally, she gives the nurse a nod of approval, and the nurse approaches the girl with the sedative. Alana watches, hoping it won't traumatize the girl any more than she already is

As the nurse approaches, the girl starts resisting violently. She squirms and tries to get away, her fear and distress growing rapidly.

"Shh, it's okay," Alana says softly. "Sh--shhh."

The girl continues screaming and crying, trying to get away from both the nurse and Alana. She's terrified, but Alana holds her, trying to keep her as still as she can.

The nurse holds the sedative up, and the girl starts kicking at the air violently. She's crying, still screaming for them to leave her alone.

The nurse tries to hold her down as best she can, as Alana attempts to talk to the girl. "It's alright, it's alright. I'm here," she whispers. "Please don't fight, okay? It's all gonna be alright."

The girl continues to shout and kick violently, but Alana stays calm. She doesn't want to scare her more than she already is. She speaks slowly and gently, as if she were talking to a child.

The nurse gives her the sedative, but the girl just keeps screaming. She's terrified.

The nurse injects the sedative forcefully, as Alana continues to comfort the girl. She keeps speaking softly, trying to stay calm and soothing.

The girl stops kicking after a few seconds, and her body slowly starts to relax. The nurse moves her onto her back, and Alana strokes her hair. "It's okay," Alana whispers. "It's okay. Relax."

After a few moments, the girl is completely still, breathing deeply as the sedative finally takes effect.

The girl's body slumps in exhaustion, her breathing slowing and becoming more regular. Alana watches with relief as the girl finally calms down. She looks exhausted and scared, but also relieved.

Alana gets up, motioning for the nurse to do the same. It looks like the girl will fall asleep soon. "Give me a call if she wakes up," Alana tells the nurse. "I'll be in my office." The nurse nods and exits the room.

Alana turns back to the girl, watching her as she sleeps peacefully. She looks so fragile and traumatized.

The girl sleeps quietly, still looking scared, but seemingly more relaxed. As Alana watches her, her heart aches for her. She has no idea what the girl went through, but she seems to trust Alana. It's clear that she needs help. Alana's face is full of concern, but she decides to go back to her office for now.

In her office, Alana sits down at her desk and takes a deep breath. She feels helpless, not knowing how to help the girl, or how she can ever get the answers she needs from her.

Alana thinks about what to do next. She opens a file on her computer, reading through the girl's medical history. She tries to get some information about what's going on, but all of the notes are vague and unhelpful. There doesn't seem to be any diagnosis or treatment plan listed.

She tries calling the girl's parents or a guardian, to see if they can offer any answers, but she can't get ahold of anyone. The more she reads, the more frustrated and concerned she gets.

Alana paces around the room anxiously, trying to figure out what to do about this girl. She feels bad that she doesn't even know her name, or what caused her so much trauma.

She tries looking through other files and documents, trying to find any mention of this patient or her circumstances. She checks records from different hospitals, even trying to find information about her parents. Nothing. Not only is there no information for the girl, but there's no record of her even existing. There's no birth certificate, no driver's license, nothing at all.

Alana is baffled, puzzled by this mystery girl. How did she just appear one day, with no record anywhere of ever being born, or of existing at all? It's as if she stepped out of thin air, with no name, no life, no family. She might as well not even exist.

Alana continues searching through files, becoming more anxious and confused with every passing moment. She even tries searching for records of any missing children, or reported missing person's cases, but still, nothing.

Alana is at a loss. Where did this girl come from? She has no record of birth, no driver's license, no medical history. She doesn't even remember her own name.

Alana decides to go back into the girl's room, hoping that she's awake by now. She opens the door to find the girl sitting quietly on the bed, not making any noise, her eyes wide open.

Alana looks surprised to see the girl awake, but glad that she is. She walks toward the girl, hoping to finally get some answers.

The girl looks up at Alana when she enters. Her eyes are wide, like she's still afraid, but she doesn't try to run or act violent. She just stares, her eyes fixed on Alana, looking slightly relieved to see her there.

Alana smiles, trying to put her at ease. "Hello sweetheart," she says gently. "How are you feeling?"

The girl's eyes follow Alana, as if she recognizes her, but she doesn't say anything. She just stares, and Alana tries to talk to her again. "What's your name?"

"AJ"

"AJ?" Alana says slowly, sounding out the name. She looks at the girl, trying to understand. Does this girl even understand her? Why can't she communicate at all? At least this time, she isn't screaming or fighting back. That's a start.

Alana looks at the girl again, still uncertain. "Did you want me to call you AJ?" she asks kindly. She tries to offer a reassuring smile, to show the girl that she can trust her.

She nods.

"AJ." Alana says the name gently. "It's a very beautiful name. How old are you, AJ?" Alana asks, trying to get the girl to communicate with her.

AJ looks at her, tilting her head to the side. She doesn't say anything, but her eyes are studying Alana. Something is starting to click in Alana's mind, as she tries to understand the girl. Perhaps the girl only understands simple words and phrases. She’s going to try experimenting with more single-word questions, and see if the girl understands.

"15"

"Fifteen?" Alana says, sounding surprised. She looks at AJ, who nods her head slowly. AJ is fifteen years old, but she can't communicate beyond a few words. Alana tries to comprehend this information as she tries asking her another question.

"What's your last name, AJ?" she asks, trying to keep her voice soft and gentle. AJ studies Alana for a moment, then shakes her head. There seems to be no last name, either. What is going on here?

"No have" the girl replies.

Alana blinks, taking this in. No last name? It's like this girl doesn't exist. And yet, she's here. sitting in a hospital room. Alana is more confused than ever. She looks at AJ again, looking right into her eyes.

"How about your parents, AJ? Do you remember your parents?"

AJ stares right back at her, expressionless. "No have." She replies. It can't be that simple... right? Alana is silent, unsure how to proceed. She tries again, hoping to get more answers.

Alana raises her eyebrows, feeling even more confused. What does this girl remember? Who IS she? "AJ, do you remember how you got here? To the hospital?"

AJ still stares at her, but doesn't say anything. She shakes her head slowly, her eyes shifting everywhere but Alana's face. She's acting like she's in complete denial. Alana is losing patience, but keeps her voice gentle. A normal girl at her age should be able to talk to her about this. What's going on? Why can't she answer even the simplest of questions?

"Shouldn't be here" AJ states

"Sweetie, listen to me." Alana says, using her most soothing voice. The lack of information is making her desperate to know. "You should be in high school, making friends, living your life." She looks at the girl, hoping she’s getting through to her.

AJ's eyes are blank. She just looks back at her silently. She still says nothing, only looking confused and scared. Alana begins to worry that she might be too far gone to even communicate with her, let alone find out where she came from. What did this girl go through?

"Must go back to back go back"

Alana's eyes go wide, realizing that AJ is trying to tell her something. "Back where?" She asks. "Where do you want to go back to, AJ?"

AJ doesn't immediately respond, instead continuing to stare at Alana. Her eyes look more alert, and Alana gets the sense that she's been through something deeply traumatizing. It's possible she's not thinking clearly, only fixated on the idea of escaping this place.

"Not 'loud to say"

Alana's heart is beating louder. Does this girl know where she came from? Is she afraid of saying? Alana leans forward, desperate for any bit of information she can get from her. "AJ..." she urges the girl, trying to stay calm and gentle. "Where do you have to go back to? Where were you before this?"

"Not aloud to say if say bad bad"

Alana's heart is racing, but she's doing her best to act calm and soothing. She can't let AJ know how much she needs to know this information. "Sweetheart, nobody is going to get mad at you for telling me," Alana says softly. "You're not in any trouble, no matter what you say. You just need to tell me where you came from."

She looks at the girl, watching her closely. "Is it somewhere dangerous? Were you running from something...?"

"Dangerous? Yes danger danger"

Alana's heart skips a beat, feeling anxious but also relieved that AJ is communicating with her. Her mind is racing, trying to piece together the clues. AJ is clearly afraid of what might happen if someone finds out where she came from. Alana watches AJ, looking at the girl with concern.

"Okay AJ... listen to me. I know you're afraid, but nobody is going to hurt you." Alana says gently. "Do you understand?"

"They hurt hurt hurt"

Alana is getting more anxious, but she tries to keep it together and stay calm. "Who? What happened to you, AJ?" she asks gently. Her voice is soft, reassuring. "I'll do everything in my power to help you, but you have to tell me who hurt you." Alana tries to put herself in the girl's position- if she was this scared and anxious, would she still want to talk? Probably not.

Alana thinks for a moment, trying to think of another way to communicate with the girl. Maybe pictures would help...

"Bad people evil "

Alana thinks about the situation AJ is in, and an idea crosses her mind. She gets up and leaves the room for a moment, returning with a piece of paper and a pencil.

Alana walks back over to AJ and sits down next to her again. "AJ, listen to me. Can you draw me something?" Alana asks, looking at the girl. "I want you to draw someone you know. Someone from the place you just said you came from, okay?"

She draws what looks like the child assassin place that just got shut down.

Alana looks at the drawing, a bit surprised by the image. It looks like the sketch of the child assassin place that recently closed. Was that the place AJ came from?

She keeps looking at the picture, thinking about it for a moment. "Is this where you come from, AJ? This place?" It's possible that AJ's drawing wasn't accurate, or that the image is just an expression of how the girl felt when she was at the killer house.

Alana isn't sure what to think. She looks back at AJ, waiting for any kind of confirmation.

"Must go back and have to go back"

AJ's response makes Alana feel anxious. "Must go back?" She repeats, looking at the girl for clarity. "Why do you need to go back?" Alana asks, trying not to sound threatening.

There's a pause, as AJ continues to look at Alana. It's hard to tell what the girl is thinking about. Alana takes a moment to gather her thoughts, before speaking again. "AJ... it's gonna be okay. Please calm down, and let's try to figure this out, okay?"

"Must go back or bad"

Alana is a bit confused by this response, but she tries to stay calm. "What do you mean by 'back, or bad?'" Does AJ mean that she needs to go back or something bad will happen? Is someone threatening her? It's possible that her ability to communicate might be improving. She still needs to confirm this idea though, because this girl's behavior is making Alana more and more nervous maybe the girl is being threatened into keeping quiet.

"Killed if doesn't must go back"

Alana's eyes go wide, and her heart starts pounding. She's terrified of what this girl is saying, but Alana keeps a brave face and tries to stay calm.

"AJ..." She says slowly, "Do you mean someone is hurting you? Trying to kill you if you don't go back there?" Alana tries to wrap her mind around this information. "Sweetie, you don't have to go back. I won't let anyone hurt you. I promise."

"Have to "AJ looks genuinely confused.

Alana nods. She understands that the girl is still afraid, and probably still in shock from what happened to her.

"AJ, if there's someone threatening you, we can fix that," Alana says slowly, trying to give the girl reassurance. She doesn't want to scare her. "Whoever they are, we can make it so they can't hurt you. You just need to tell me who they are, okay? If you tell me, I can get rid of them, and keep you safe. You don't have go back there."

"What country?"

Alana blinks, caught off guard by the question. The girl is asking which country this all happened in? Alana realizes that she doesn't even know where the girl is from.

"Um..." She replies, pausing for a moment to think. "What country are you from, AJ?"

"Russia that why English no good "

Alana raises her eyebrows, finally understanding something about the girl. "Russia?" She confirms, sounding surprised. "Sweetie, you're from Russia, and you speak Russian?" The things AJ is telling Alana keep getting more and more bizarre. This girl is confusing, but Alana's heart goes out to her. She looks so lost and afraid.

She nods.

"So you're really from Russia?" Alana says slowly, trying to keep herself from sounding stunned. "Do you have family there? Parents? Are they the ones trying to hurt you, AJ?" Alana's mind is racing, trying to piece everything together. If AJ is from Russia, that explains why she's not registered in any database- the records don't exist. No birth certificate, no driver's license...

Alana thinks back to the drawing AJ made. It looked like the child assassin place they just shut down, but that was in the U.S...

"Me assassin me bad"

Alana can't believe what she's hearing. "You... were one of the assassins?" She says, taking a moment to let the answer sink in. She looks at the girl, looking at this child in front of her. Is it possible that she was a part of any of this? Alana isn't sure what to think. She knows that the girl is clearly traumatized, but it's becoming more and more clear. AJ's lack of communication isn't because she doesn't know how to communicate, it's because she's too traumatized to...

"Since 4"

Alana's eyes widen, taking in this new piece of information. "Since... since you were four?" She repeats, sounding surprised. The girl has said very little, but what she has said is more shocking than Alana imagined.

It's one thing if AJ's speech is affected by trauma, but the fact that she's been an assassin since she was a small child is unbelievable. Alana's mind is racing, trying to comprehend what she is hearing from the girl.

"I don't wanna hurt anyone else" she crys.

Alana is shaken by the tears. This poor, traumatized girl. Alana can't even imagine what kind of life AJ has lived up until now. It is no wonder that she is so scared.

"AJ, you don't have to hurt anyone else." Alana says gently, trying to convey that she's here for her. "You're safe here." She looks at the girl for a moment, hoping that she might get through to her. "Come here." Alana says, gesturing for the girl to come closer.

AJ comes closer, and Alana hugs her tight. The girl is so petite, small and thin. Alana can feel how tense and afraid the girl is. AJ doesn't say anything else, just allowing herself to be held by Alana. The doctor doesn't let go, just holds the girl firmly, wanting the girl to feel safe and secure in her arms. She's going to make sure that this girl gets the help she needs.

"Safe"

"It's okay, AJ." Alana says gently, hoping that her soothing tone is comforting to the girl. After a moment, Alana releases the girl from the hug, but remains close by. "We'll figure this out, I promise."

AJ stays close to Alana, and doesn't move away. Alana is glad that the girl isn't trying to run or hide again, which means she feels at least moderately comfortable with Alana. This is good progress. If AJ feels safe with her, it will make it easier to communicate with the girl and figure out what happened to her.

"Safe"

Alana can see that AJ is still tense and scared, but this is a new development. She feels safe enough to say the word "safe." This could potentially be the start of something bigger.

Alana looks at the girl and smiles softly. "That's right, sweetie. You're safe okay? I promise." She pauses for a moment, wanting to try something. "Is it okay if I ask you a few questions?"

"O'ay"

Alana takes a deep breath, ready to help AJ as best as she can. She just needs to know what happened.

"AJ, is there anything else you remember?" Alana says, trying to get the girl to tell her anything that might be helpful. "Please, anything that you can tell me? Do you know what happened to you, or if anyone else was involved?"

"Pain"

AJ's response makes Alana feel tense. The girl is clearly trying to communicate something important- she feels pain. "AJ, do you mean that you were hurt? Hurting you? Did someone hurt you?" It's possible that this girl is hiding a horrible secret, and Alana needs to find out everything she can about what happened to AJ.

"How we trained "

AJ's response terrifies Alana. The poor girl has had her entire life stolen from her. She was basically trained to be a killer since birth. Alana is beyond angry and confused... This girl's entire life is the result of abuse and manipulation. Was she taken from her family? Or was she raised with the intention of turning her into an assassin?

Alana takes a deep breath, trying her best to stay calm. "AJ, who trained you? And how did they train you?" She says, trying to figure this out.

"Pain pain pain "

AJ's repeated response worries Alana, but the girl is clearly having a difficult time trying to talk about what happened.

"Okay AJ, I get that you were in pain. I understand." Alana says slowly, trying to be as comforting as possible. "You don't have to say anything you don't want to. You're safe. Everything the doctors are doing is just to help you."

There's a pause, as Alana looks at AJ. "Did you ever get to be a child?" she asks, wanting to see if AJ even remembers a normal childhood.

"No not aloud "

Alana's heart sinks. This girl is still so young herself, and she was forced to give up her entire life. Alana doesn't know who would do something like this to a child.

"Did you ever have a mother? Or father?" Alana asks gently, hoping to find out if AJ ever had parents.

"Nono"

AJ's response worries Alana more. The girl doesn't remember anything but pain. This poor, traumatized girl. All she knows is pain and suffering. Alana tries to wrap her mind around that. Was that the only thing this child ever knew? If that's the case, then it's no wonder the girl is so traumatized and confused.

"Okay, AJ," Alana says, taking a moment to think. "So, you don't remember anything before the training?"

She nods

Alana keeps looking at the girl, not sure what to say. Does that mean that no one ever showed AJ any kindness in her life before this? The poor girl's entire life has been stolen from her. Was it done intentionally, so that someone could use her for a purpose? Or did they just not care about how much pain she would be living in?

Alana tries not to let her emotions show, keeping her voice steady and calming. She needs the girl to feel safe, and to know that it's okay for her to explain things.

pauses, looking at AJ for a moment "I wish I could take the pain away... I know it must be hard." Alana's voice is soft and sensitive as she speaks. "I promise to do everything I can to make sure that you never have to feel like this again, okay?"

"Ok"

Alana smiles slightly and pats the girl on the arm. It's clear that AJ is still scared and stressed, but at least she's starting to trust Alana. That is something to be hopeful about.

"Sweetie, I know I've asked you a lot of questions already, and I know you don't know a lot. But I just need to know one more thing." Alana looks at the girl, wanting her to listen to what she has to say carefully. "Do you know anything besides pain? Do you remember anything else about your life?"

"Killing"

AJ's response is terrifying. This poor, traumatized girl had nothing in her life except killing? It's horrifying to think about. Alana takes a deep breath, still trying to process what the girl is saying. "So, your entire life was focused on killing? That's what you were trained for?"

"Yes"

The more Alana hears the more horrified she is. This girl never had any kind of childhood... She was basically trained to be a weapon. Something to be pointed at a target and told to fire. It breaks Alana's heart... How could anyone do this to anyone?

"AJ, you understand that killing is wrong, don't you?" Alana asks, wanting the girl to confirm that she's aware that what she was doing was morally wrong.

She tilts head to side

Alana can't help but to chuckle slightly at AJ's response. The girl is still so innocent, despite everything she's been through. She may not fully understand the concept of good and evil yet. "Killing isn't a good thing to do, AJ." Alana says slowly. "It means to hurt someone enough to kill them, to take their life. Do you understand now, sweetie?"

"No?"

AJ's response breaks Alana's heart. This poor, traumatized girl doesn't understand that killing is wrong. She's so confused and lost... This girl's entire life was taken from her, and she has no idea what happened or why. Alana looks at the girl, wondering what else she can say that will get her to understand.

"AJ, do you know what death is?"

"When they good people go sleep forever and bad go to hell?"

Alana can see that the girl has a lot of mixed up definitions of words. She is likely just repeating words and phrases she heard in passing, and may not fully understand the meaning behind what she's saying.

"Sweetie, death is permanent." Alana says gently, "People who are bad go to hell after they die, and good people go to heaven." She's not sure if this is what AJ's religion taught her, but it's a simple enough concept. "So, we have to make sure that you don't hurt anyone anymore. Can you do that for me, AJ?"

"it good to kill if they bad"

AJ's response worries Alana. It sounds like the girl has been taught for a large part of her life that killing is okay, and that it's good to kill people if they are "bad". Alana is starting to get a better understanding of what the girl has been through. What has this girl seen? Who has been teaching her these things?

Alana looks at AJ and tries to be patient. "AJ, who told you that it's good to kill people if they are bad?"

"Handler"

The girl mentions a "handler." This makes Alana's suspicions even stronger that the girl has been trained to kill. She was raised to believe that it was okay to take the lives of those she perceives as "bad". That's a terrifying thought.

Alana looks at AJ, trying to understand what the girl knows. "AJ, what else did your handler tell you?"

"That I'm bad so when I no longer useful I must die too"

Alana's eyes widen. The implication of what AJ just said is shocking. This poor, traumatized, abused child has been trained to believe that she's bad, and that she will have to die if she's "no longer useful" to this handler. It is heartbreaking and terrifying.

"Sweetie, you're not bad." Alana says slowly, trying to reassure the girl.

"AJ, you have to listen to me, okay? This 'handler' is wrong and doesn't know what he's talking about. You're a good girl. You don't deserve to die."

"But handed said they are always right"

AJ's response makes Alana feel sick. Of course the girl believes that the handler is always right. She's never experienced anything else in her entire life. If her handler says that she deserves to die, then she has no other reason to think otherwise. This is a sad and heartbreaking situation.

"No, you can't believe that, AJ." says Alana firmly. "The handler is wrong, and you don't deserve to die."

AJ is just a child, one who has been through so much. Now, it's time to help her heal and recover through proper mental care.

"Oh"

Alana can see the doubt and confusion on AJ's face. The girl has been taught to believe whatever this handler has said. She is scared and doesn't know who or what to believe.

"Sweetie, you need to trust my words." Alana says gently, trying to reassure the girl. "I am going to take care of you, I promise. The Handler is wrong, you do not deserve to die. I'm going to make sure that you are safe, okay?"

"Ok safe sounds good"

AJ's response makes Alana so relieved. The girl's entire life, she's only known violence, pain and suffering. To hear that she feels "safe" and is in a safe place, is so important.

Alana keeps looking at the girl, making sure that AJ understands that she is safe with her. "Sweetie, you're safe with me, it's alright. No one is going to hurt you while you're here."

"Safe safe is safe good"

AJ keeps repeating "safe" and it warms Alana's heart. The girl is starting to understand that she's somewhere where she is going to be treated better than what she's had before. Alana hopes that this will help AJ to heal and begin to trust her, since she has never felt safe in all of her life. Alana tries to remain patient as she watches AJ. She hopes that the girl's trust will continue to build over time, and that she will eventually feel comfortable to tell her more about what she's experienced.

AJ's little smile makes Alana smile as well. She is so happy to see the girl begin to trust her enough to show her emotions, to smile and to feel safe.

Alana takes a moment to look at the girl sitting in the chair in front of her. AJ is so small, so vulnerable. It's difficult to imagine how she could have experienced such terrible things, yet still have a sense of kindness inside of her. It says a lot about her, and Alana hopes that they are making progress.

"I wanna be safe"

Alana looks at AJ, seeing how sincere the girl is about feeling safe and wanting to be safe. It's touching and sad.

"AJ, you are safe here with me. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you when you're with me, okay? "Alana says gently. "You'll be safe here. No more pain. "

"Safe no pain safe no pain"

Alana sees that the girl is still repeating the phrase "safe, no pain." She's clearly very scared, and feels a sense of comfort in saying this. Alana smiles gently and leans forward to place her hand on AJ's shoulder.

"There's no pain and safe with me, AJ. "Alana says, trying to reassure the girl. "You don't have to fight for your safety. You're safe now. "

"Safe now safe now"

Alana looks down at the girl, touching her hand gently. "You're safe now, AJ." Alana says again, "I'm not going to let anyone hurt you. You're safe."

"I am going to make sure that you are okay and that you are free from pain, AJ." Alana continues to reassure the girl. "You don't have to fight anymore. You're safe here."

"Pain free pain free"

Alana's heart goes out to the child. She clearly doesn't know how else to express herself, or how to say that she's been in so much pain and has been abused and hurt. AJ is finally safe now, but it seems like she's just trying to make sense of what has happened and to feel safe.

Alana nods gently and smiles. "No more pain, AJ. No more pain."

"No more pain no more pain no more pain" stops... "Promise "

Alana nods, smiling at the girl. "I promise, AJ." Alana says, hoping to reassure her that she is finally safe. "No more pain."

AJ's little smile is adorable, as she nods in response. It's so refreshing to see her acting like a child again, instead of being worried about having to defend herself.

She giggles and claps" safe no pain promised"

AJ's giggle and clapping makes Alana's heart melt. It's nice to see the girl still acting like a child, now that she's safe. Alana smiles and claps along with her, feeling happy that after everything the girl has been through, she is finally safe. She's free from the abuse, from the pain, and from this dark world she's been forced to live in.

Alana has so much hope for the girl's future, now that she may finally feel safe and have a chance to make friends, and to just be a child. The girl deserves that.

Alana leans forward and kneels down to the girl's level, so she is face to face with her. "AJ, can you look at me please?" she asks gently. "It's important that you listen to me, because I need to tell you something."

Alana makes sure that she has the girl's attention, and that AJ is fully paying attention to what she's going to say next.

She stops clapping and giggling and looks

AJ looks up at Alana, and that's when Alana takes a deep breath and looks at AJ with a gentle, but important look. "AJ, I know you've been through a lot in life, and I want to make sure you understand something."

Alana looks at the girl and pauses, waiting for her to fully listen to what she has to say.

She Tilts her head

Alana leans forward a bit more, knowing that this is a conversation that AJ needs to pay attention to. "AJ, you're safe with me, okay? You don't have to worry about defending yourself, or killing or anything like that. It's not what I want you to do."

"Sweetie, I need you to understand that the things the handler made you do were wrong." Alana continues, "You have never done anything wrong yourself, and you never deserve to die. Okay? That's what I want you to remember. "

"No death no die no die"

"Exactly, AJ," says Alana with a gentle smile. "There's no dying, no death. Remember this, okay? No matter what anyone tells you, that's what I want you to remember. Okay, AJ?"

AJ nods, seeming to have understood what Alana has explained to her. "No death, no dying." AJ repeats. This conversation has been a big relief for Alana, because she knows that AJ is beginning to understand that she's safe.

Alana smiles at AJ and watches to see if the girl understands the conversation they had. "That's right, AJ. No dying, no killing. You're safe now, okay?"

AJ nods, smiling slightly. She seems relieved and happy, and Alana feels happy that she was able to make the girl feel better. It's important that no one tells AJ that she deserves to die and to hurt others ever again.

"Safe"

Alana smiles as she hears AJ say "safe." This means that the girl understands what Alana explained to her, and that she is happy to feel safe. "Good, AJ. You're safe with me."

Alana continues to look at the girl and waits for a moment to see if AJ has anything else to say or if she's finally ready to relax.

AJ smiles widely, still seeming a little bit on edge as she sits in front of Alana. The girl has been through so much trauma and hurt, she's been afraid of everyone and everything for so long that she has to adjust and learn how to trust. Alana still hasn't completely earned the girl's trust, but Alana is so happy that she was able to ease the girl's fears a little.

As Alana looks at the girl, her heart breaks even more. The girl's smile is adorable and sweet, but her eyes are filled with so much sadness and fear. It breaks Alana’s heart to see just how much this girl has suffered, and how innocent she is now. She's just a child and has been forced into a life of pain and misery. It's no life for a child. Alana just wants to take the girl in her arms and comfort her, telling the girl that she will be safe and okay.

She Curls up to Alana

Alana can see that AJ is still a bit afraid, and is seeking comfort in any way that she can. AJ is not a child who has ever been shown love and affection, so Alana is more than happy to give it to her.

Alana looks at the girl and smiles, before leaning forward and placing her arms around AJ. The girl immediately curls up into Alana, and it warms her to see that AJ trusts her enough to feel safe enough to physically cling to her.

AJ keeps her head close to Alana and hugs her, seeking comfort in the woman's arms. Alana is happy to provide it. She watches as AJ continues to cling to her and look up into her eyes. The girl is finally starting to feel safe enough to relax, and Alana hopes that this is a big step towards AJ recovering from everything that she's been through. Alana smiles and rubs the girl's back, hoping to comfort her as best as she can.

AJ keeps her head pressed close against Alana and clings to her, seeming reluctant to let go. If the girl feels safe enough in her arms, Alana will let her stay there as long as she'd like. It's important for the girl to feel safe and to be able to heal, and if Alana provides a sense of comfort and security, then she will be happy to do so.

AJ continues to cling to Alana, burying her face into her, refusing to let go. The girl is still deeply afraid and confused, but at least it feels good to be held.

AJ seems to be content with just staying this way, clinging to Alana and holding on for dear life. Alana just smiles at the girl and looks down at her. She may not have understood everything that Alana explained, and her trust might not be completely solidified, but AJ is finally finding a tiny bit of comfort and she seems grateful for it. Alana is happy to provide this comfort to the girl, and she wraps her arms around AJ and keeps the girl close.

AJ doesn't want to let go of Alana, and that makes Alana smile. The girl is just a child, looking for any bit of comfort she can find. This is the first time she's felt this close to anyone, and she's clinging to the feeling as long as it lasts.

Alana continues to wrap her arms around the girl and stroke her hair, hoping to make the girl feel as comforted as possible. She might not be able to completely trust Alana yet, but Alana won't stop trying to build that trust, and she's happy to provide this comfort.

AJ sighs and relaxes a little, having found some comfort and safety in the warmth of Alana's arms. She keeps her head pressed against Alana and closes her eyes, trying to take in this sense of serenity.

Alana can only imagine what the girl has been through to feel so relieved to be experiencing something as simple as being close to someone. The girl needs all the comfort and safety she can get if she's going to heal and to be able to learn how to trust again. Hopefully Alana can help the girl get that.

AJ curls her arms around Alana's back, clinging to the woman and enjoying the comfort she's found. She closes her eyes, finally just resting and enjoying the feeling of safety and security.

Alana continues to hold the girl, rubbing her back and running her fingers through her hair. It's a moment of peace and calm for the both of them, and Alana is happy that she was able to provide that for AJ. She hopes this will be the start of the girl recovering from everything she's been through, and the start of a new life for her.

The nurses come in

AJ is startled by the nurses coming into the room, and jumps away from Alana. The girl is immediately back to being alert and on her guard. Alana looks at the nurses and then back at the girl.

"It's alright, AJ." Alana says soothingly. "It's just the nurses."

AJ nods, still nervous, but she leans back against Alana's arms, seeking the comfort and safety that she felt before. Alana smiles and holds her close again. It was just a scare, and the girl can go back to feeling safe.

AJ leans back against Alana and continues to cling to her, seeming much more relaxed after being able to be close with Alana again. She still looks nervous, and Alana rubs AJ's back and speaks soothingly, wanting to make sure the girl stays calm.

"There's nothing to be afraid of, AJ." Alana says, her attention still on the girl. "It's just the nurses. You're safe, okay?"

Alana smiles as she watches AJ cling to her and try to remain calm as the nurses enter the room. AJ is still very afraid of people coming near her, but Alana has earned her trust enough that the girl wants to stay near her even when she's nervous.

Alana watches the nurses as they enter, making sure that they don't try to touch the girl or say anything to scare her off. She just needs to make sure that they don't do anything to make AJ even more confused and afraid.

She Grips tighter

AJ continues to cling to Alana, clutching the woman as she watches the nurses move about the room. The girl doesn't want to let go, and continues to feel safe in Alana's arms. Alana smiles and strokes the back of AJ's head, speaking sweetly and soothingly.

"There's nothing to be afraid of, AJ." Alana repeats. "You're safe, I promised you that."

AJ nods and continues to grasp Alana tightly, her little eyes blinking rapidly as she looks at the nurses in the room with her and Alana. She's afraid that in a split second, something will happen and she'll be hurt again, or forced to hurt someone else, like the handler did to her.

Alana strokes AJ's hair and speaks gently to her. "Nobody is going to hurt you, AJ. You're safe. Okay?"

She's still on guard

AJ continues to look around with a nervous look on her face, her hands still clutching Alana tightly. The girl seems to feel a little bit more comfortable being held by the woman, but she's still on her guard and watching her surroundings for anything that might scare her.

Alana smiles and keeps talking soothingly, rubbing AJ's back and speaking gently. "It's okay, AJ. Everything is alright. You're safe and nobody is going to hurt you."

Aj nods, trying to focus on Alana's voice instead of what's going on around her. The girl is so used to feeling fear and having to defend herself, that it is very difficult to relax and feel safe. But Alana has her in her arms, and it seems like AJ trusts her enough to try to relax a little bit. Alana can just keep talking to try and keep AJ focused on her and feeling safe and protected.

AJ slowly relaxes and calms, her grip on Alana becoming less tight. The girl closes her eyes for a moment and sighs, seeming to be a little less on her guard. She is finally beginning to trust that she is safe with Alana, and that she won't harm her.

Alana smiles and strokes AJ's hair, glad to see the girl finally relax, even if it's just a little bit. AJ deserves to have moments of peace and calm, and Alana is glad she is able to provide that for her.

AJ eventually lets go of Alana and relaxes even further. She looks up at the woman, smiling slightly at her. The girl is beginning to trust Alana more and more, and it's a significant step towards helping her heal.

Alana is happy that AJ is finally beginning to feel safe and trust her, even if it's just a little bit. She knows that it will take time, but it's a good first step. The girl can finally begin her road to recovery and healing, and Alana will be there to help her.

#hannibal #will graham #alana bloom #alana x margot #children #trauma #hannibal angst #angst

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myshredda · 1 year

Note

While burning myself for the hundredth time making dinner today (;-;) i got lost in thought and Green got the most attention.

I can't even imagine how burnout that poor child is. How much his poor little body (thin due to the accelerated burning of calories involved in being in a fight or flight situation at every waking second) aches due to stress, how long it takes him to fall asleep and how he always seems tired.

I like to think that eventually, when Green realizes he's ok and there's nothing to fear, he suddenly feels hollow; he was so used to being afraid that its the only thing he knows about himself. He's afraid of even the simplest things, like making food or interacting with objects in the house, because even if he knows that they are harmless, what if suddenly they aren't?

The clump notices this sooner than later, and they decide it's time to make him feel secure.

So, ofc, they go to Tesco!

They help Green find out what textures, tastes and smell of food he enjoys, and then have a great dinner with things he likes!

Late at night, Green lays in bed looking at the ceiling with his little tummy full of yummy things, and for the first time in forever, he feels loved 💚

(Also an apology in case of any grammatical error, my brain did not want to english today)

God the visual difference between Yellow and Green just from a body fat standpoint alone is going to send me into a fit of anguished hysterics. He'd definitely be physically emotionally and mentally exhausted, stack on poor nutrition and the horrific state of mine he must be in he'd be like a semi-feral animal in complete survival mode when he blips back in.

AND! The sudden loss of his main goal (escaping) absolutely leave him empty. There'd be a feeling of 'well if i'm not doing that what am I even doing? why am I even here?' I think it would be a huge toll on him mentally, and the guarded reactions from Duck and Red certainly wouldn't help with that. Thank god Yellow is the happy little dude that he is, at least he's got that support from the start. But even that relationship is a little tainted, because he's so resentful of Yellow for being loved and being accepted and being emotionally healthy enough now that he's unafraid to indulge in comfort, like having Doggie or cuddling with Red. To Green it would be a harsh reminder that he's (once again) the extra, unwanted and outcasted due to circumstances he's not in control of.

But enough angst for now, skipping forward to Green post-closet breakdown. He's finally starting to feel accepted, the trio is getting used to his presence, and Red and Duck aren't so on-edge now that things are going back to 'normal' and maybe they go to Tesco! (still not sure how to write that LMAO) and Green is like. a little overwhelmed being outside and seeing 'normal' people (i'm assuming they look like Lily and Todney's family + the mourners in death) so he sticks close to Red while they shop, and maybe he gets exhausted a little upset so Red just picks him up and puts him in the trolley and lets him ride around and its honestly kind of fun. And they buy foods he thinks he might like, because he's never 'liked' food in the short time he's been 'alive' as it's always been fuel instead of comfort so they kind of pick and choose and they go home and cook it and it's fun. and it's the closest to 'normal' the dynamic has been since Green showed up, so Green feels safe enough to eat, and talk, maybe he even makes a joke that Duck laughs at, and the moment makes his heart feel like it's a sparkler in his chest, and he goes to bed filled with oven chips and mushy peas or whatever else british people fucking eat and he FINALLY has a good nights sleep for the first time in his entire life

#i'm so fucking emotionally invested in this now how can you all enable me like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ALSO YOU'RE SO GOOD AT VERBALIZING THIS STUFF AAAA #chicken-needle-soup #my askbox #yellow x2 au

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bgso4 · 10 months

Text

words of affirmation

a/n: a little fic dedicated to the ao3 outage. since the one day i post a fic the whole site goes down :( anyway, enjoy this baby fic (unbeta’d because desperate times call for desperate measures) XO, bigs

summary: Bertie comes home from a night at the drones in some distress. A bit of hurt and comfort ensues.

word count: 858 words

“Everyone leaves, Jeeves.” Mr. Wooster announced the second I opened the door to the flat. At first his statement caught me off guard, but I eventually realized Bertram had the telltale signs that indicated that he had in-fact been drinking at the Drones Club. Certainly drinking a lot. His hair was perfectly tousled and his jacket was missing. He still looked quite handsome. I didn’t have enough time to think of a calculated response because he then quickly added, “They all leave. Nobody cares for me one bit.”

Bertram gripped me hard and pulled himself into the flat then into my chest. He began to sob into my chest. I did not know how to react so I closed the door behind him. He was so close and so hurt. His sobs shook through his entire body. Something must have happened at the Drones Club to make him so hysterical and I couldn’t take it. My heart ached to see him like this and it only made me more scared. I had only recently realized that I had feelings for Bertie that went further than what the “feudal spirit” constituted. I had never felt this way about anyone before, let alone an employer. Bertie was more than just an employer, he had become something of a friend. And it was abundantly clear I cared for him much more than what could be considered merely friendly.

I decided the best course of action would be to have him sit somewhere and remove him from my clothes which Bertram seemed to be crying through.

“No, sir. That is far from the truth.” I tried to comfort him as I led him to the couch in the sitting room.

“Oh, Jeeves,” when we reached the couch he did not release my jacket and merely pulled me down to sit on the couch with him. I felt my eyebrows raise a bit and that made him show a touch of a smile, but once the initial reaction of this breach of decorum had subsided, Bertie resumed crying and then looked up at me with his blue eyes, which for the first time I had ever seen, held a deep sadness.

“Even you will depart one day. A man as bright as you will one day leave me for greener pastures.” He said, wiping his eyes. “There’ll be a house by the shore and you’ll have the brainiest little Jeeveses running about the place. And there will be a lady.” Here he had made a face that implied that he was surprised by his own comment. He winced as he started again.

“Probably an equally brainy filly who will love you and take care of you more than…” Bertie trailed off and began to sob again.

He turned away from me as he cried. I was slowly becoming ill seeing Bertie like this. Especially when it seemed like this distressed stemmed from some feelings he held towards me. I wondered if he had always felt this way, hiding his fear of losing me to some imaginary woman behind the veneer of his good-natured innocent happiness. It was horrible seeing him so upset. Something had taken over me because I found myself moving closer and whispering to him:

“There will never be a lady. Sir.”

Bertie finally released my jacket and then turned to face me again. Our new closeness meant that our legs were now touching. I could feel my entire body shake.

“That’s what they always say.” He said as he wiped his tears and looked up at the ceiling.

He looked almost like a different man. So serious and contemplative. The dark sitting room added to the effect. He was so vulnerable, yet at the same time, I knew his mind still held his true feelings hidden. The moonlight coming from the sitting room window caused the lines left by his tears to glow. I would do anything to make him feel better, I thought. It was only then that I realized I loved him. I was paralyzed by my emotions, but I knew I needed to say something, anything, to remedy his sadness. I wanted my Bertie back.

“It will only be you.” I whispered as I tentatively reached for his hand.

Our hands brushed, and I felt Bertie shiver as he pulled his hand away.

“Jeeves, do not waste yourself on this fool. You deserve someone better than me.”

His statement broke my heart.

“Bertie.” At the sound of his name coming from my lips, he faced me with something a bit more hopeful; however, there was still a tear rolling down his cheek.

“How could you think so little of me? Do you believe I am not able to see you for what you truly are?” I cupped his face to wipe away his tears. This time he did not retreat away from my touch.

“Bertie, you stand alone. You are a wonder. A marvel.”

Recognizing his own words he smiled and reached his hand to rest on the back of my neck. I didn’t realize how close we were until I felt his lips brush against mine.

#jeeves and wooster #jooster #jooster fic #hurt and comfort #a shorty #may eventually end up on ao3 who knows

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lythea-creation · 2 years

Text

Great Timing - Natasha Romanoff x fem reader (Chapter 5)

Chapter 1

Previous Chapter

warnings: abuse mentioned, angst

word count: 2.048

----------

“Thanks for taking us in like that”, I broke the silence between Wanda and me on the way to Layla's room.

“It's nothing really. We have way too much space and resources anyway. And since Natasha moved in with you I was all alone with the boys. So this is a nice turn”, Wanda told me with a chuckle making me smile.

When we were on the right floor Wanda came to a halt, stopping me with her powers as well.

“Actually I would like to talk to you first if you're fine with that”, she suggested. “I know that must sound weird. You don't even know me. But ...”

“Nat trusts you enough to leave me alone with you after everything that happened. So it's fine”, I agreed before she could finish.

She smiled at me and led us into Natasha's and my room where we sat down on the bed.

A content sigh left my lips at the feeling of the comfortable sheets.

Wanda was sitting across from me at the end of the bed to give me enough space.

“Layla allowed me to take a look at her memories. So I already know quite a lot about you. I think it's only fair if you know my story as well before we're talking about such private things. If you want to know”, Wanda offered.

I nodded and she actually told me her life story. Not in detail, but enough to give me a glimpse of how much she had endured. It was a miracle she was putting up so well.

She got rid of her tears with the sleeve of her shirt before giving me a teary smile.

My heart seemed to break at the sight and I immediately felt the urge to comfort her.

“May I?”, she questioned pointing at my head.

“Go ahead”, I encouraged her.

It was strange to give her the permission to take a look at my thoughts and memories. All my secrets were accessible to her.

“I would love to get that hug you wanted to give me”, Wanda noted with an amused and adoring smile. “But that can wait until your body is in less pain. Why don't you take another painkiller? The pain is bad enough.”

Wanda made the box and a water bottle fly toward me. She even opened both with her powers for me. “I know you can do it yourself, but that doesn't mean you have to.”

I took the painkiller without any resistance because she was right.

“I'm not reading your thoughts anymore by the way”, Wanda informed me.

“Nat is going to watch the video tape now. It will make her furious”, I stated.

“Definitely”, Wanda agreed with a small smile. “But Clint will be there to soothe her. You don't have to take care of everyone. They won't be alone, even if you decide to deal with yourself instead. If you don't work through this, it might haunt you for years or maybe the rest of your life.”

“I know”, I mumbled with a sigh.

“I'm neither Natasha nor Layla. I know what happened and can understand. But you don't have to fear that you will burden me in any way if you open up to me right now. I'm here if you want to talk or not talk. You can cry and break down and I promise you that I won't tell anyone”, Wanda offered.

Suddenly I burst out laughing. It was rather hysterical and psychotic, diverse emotions mixed in it.

Wanda appeared concerned at my reaction and moved to sit next to me. Carefully she pulled me into a hug which I let happen.

After a while I calmed down again, but did not move away from her. Somehow it was freeing to lay in her arms. It did not give me the extreme sense of safety, belonging and love that only Nat's arm could offer. But it was soothing and comfortable.

“You gotta think I'm insane now”, I muttered desperately trying to keep my eyes open. I was so tired.

“I think you're strong and brave.”

“Seriously? I was beaten up without much of a fight.” I scoffed.

“To protect your friend”, she added. “You know … I have these incredible powers, probably even the strongest of the team, and yet I feel like a failure compared to them sometimes. But what matters in the end is that we're trying and standing back up again. That's what is keeping me going at least. Clint is usually the one who has to give me a pep talk, although he doesn't have any superhuman abilities. It's not just about sheer strength.”

“Maybe you're right”, I considered.

“How's Layla doing?”, I changed the topic after a short silence.

If I stayed here much longer I was sure to fall asleep.

“She's feeling guilty and overwhelmed. It's hard for her to grasp that everything might actually be over soon”, Wanda explained. “I think I was able to break through to her to some extent. But you're the one she trusts the most.”

Wanda was looking intently at me. It felt like she was not telling me everything.

“There's something else, isn't it?”, I inquired.

She seemed hesitant for a moment. “Yes. But it's up to her to talk about it or not.”

I nodded understandingly. “Can we go over, please?”, I requested leading Wanda to help me with her powers again.

I knocked on Layla's door and waited for her answer before going in.

Wanda helped me settling on the bed before giving us some privacy and waiting in front of the door, although it felt like she was knowing all our secrets anyway. Because she kinda did after going through our minds.

“It's not your fault, Lay”, I initiated a conversation.

She was not even looking at me. “Don't say that.”

“But it's true. It's not your fault that Joe beat me up. And it's not your fault that he abused you either. I have to say it because I'm pretty sure he told you otherwise every day”, I noted.

“He was right”, Layla mumbled.

“What? No … I … what do you mean?” I stumbled over my words.

Layla turned around to face me revealing her tears to me. “Joe wasn't just bad. He was kind and caring. He made me feel special. That's how he got me to neglect my other relationships. He wanted to spend all of his time with me. Nobody has ever wanted that.”

“Because in reality it shouldn't be like that”, I thought aloud.

Confusion and surprise were written over Layla's face.

“TV and social media make us feel like strong love means not being able to be apart for even a few hours. But that's not true. It's unhealthy behavior. There has to be room for other relationships and yourself in your life as well. It's true that you wanna spend time with the people you love. But shouldn't you be able and gifted to love more than just one person?”

Layla seemed to be taken aback by my words.

So I continued talking instead of waiting for a reaction: “I love Natasha. I can't and don't wanna imagine a life without her anymore. But I love my family too. And god … loving you hurts. First you ghost me and now you're so broken that I can barely take it. But yes, I still love you and we will get through this together. And I didn't mean to interrupt you. I want to hear and listen to everything you're willing to tell me. I won't judge you for it. I want you to feel safe with me and I promise you not to tell anyone what you're telling me.”

Layla placed her hand in front of her mouth to muffle her sobs.

I wanted to comfort her so badly. But due to my injuries I could not move over to her.

She needed someone to catch her. Someone she could cling to. My broken ribs and countless bruises told me that I could not fulfill that role right now and it was tough not to beat myself up for it.

“Lay … please come over. So I can at least attempt to comfort you in some way”, I pleaded her softly.

In the end she was laying on my lap as I was stroking her hair in a soothing manner. It had helped her in the past to calm down. Apparently it was still working.

After a while Layla sat up again and sent me a torn look, like she was debating with herself.

“(f/n), you're incredible and yet you don't get it”, she alluded.

But she was right. I indeed did not get it. “What are you talking about?”

“You remember how you always helped me to get along with my family by being way too empathetic and understanding?”, she questioned.

“Yeah, I guess?”

“Joe was manipulative and possessive. I didn't see it back then. I thought he was just insecure and loved me so much that he was jealous. He challenged me to stay away from you to prove him my love … because he was convinced that I was in love with you”, she recalled.

I thought back to my encounter with Joe a few hours ago and remembered how he had told me that he had wanted to keep Layla away from my tempting gay body. But it did not make any sense.

“Wasn't telling him that you are straight enough?”, I remarked.

Layla shook her head. “I couldn't tell him that. It would have been a lie. I know I've always told you that I was straight. Because I wanted to believe it. I didn't wanna risk our friendship or the wobbly relationship with my family. But in the end I lost all of it anyway by being with Joe. Ironically he showed me how much I actually love you”, she confessed.

My mind stopped working at her words. I literally could not grasp a clear thought anymore as my mind seemed to be refusing to process anything.

“But don't worry. I'm not planning to put any of us into an uncomfortable position. You're obviously happier than ever with Natasha. We can still be friends. At least I hope so because I don't wanna lose you again. And you should tell Natasha about my confession. So it doesn't feel like you're betraying her in any way”, she suggested.

Silence erupted inside the room as I did not reply.

It was not like I did not want to reply. I was somehow not able to. My mind was playing tricks on me.

After a while Layla started crying again. “I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you after everything I've already put you through. I just thought that you deserved to know. And I didn't want to keep it a secret anymore seeing where it led me.”

Her tears forced me to form at least some words. “I … I'm not mad … or hurt … and I'm not rejecting you. But my mind … I … I can't think clearly right now. I'm not pushing you away, but can we please talk about this tomorrow? When I'm in a better place and have gotten some sleep? Please.”

“Yeah … of course”, Layla agreed.

I knew her well. I could hear in her voice that she was feeling guilty and insecure. That she was hurt. But I could not offer her more right now. I needed to get some sleep before I would say or do anything I would regret later on.

Layla told Wanda to come back in who helped me get into my room and onto my bed again.

“She told me”, I enlightened her.

It was a silent understanding.

“Can you get Nat, please? As long as she wants to, I really want her close right now”, I admitted.

Wanda nodded and left the room.

But a few seconds later the exhaustion finally overpowered me, making me fall asleep.

#marvel #natasha romanoff x fem reader #black widow #abuse #domestic violence #lgbtqia +#romance #fluff #angst #drama #wanda maximoff #avengers

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rolling-restart · 1 year

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OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD, so many thoughts and so few words to describe them... First, 'The Haze' is a great title! Very matching, even if the reason why it matches is heartbreaking.

I didn't send my opinion about the teaser because I wanted to wait to review the whole chapter. You know I love George/Toto's chapters and it was so promising, so I needed to review the whole picture.

The first part (and the whole chapter) is painful but so well-writing. George's inner monologue is always interesting. I read it as his subconscious knowing he's a victim and actively fighting against that thought. Also, George knows Toto's vicious cycle of abuse enough to predict or imagine the love-bombing apology, but Toto didn't even apologize!!! As someone who tends to rely on patterns, the moment a person breaks these patterns completely unbalances me, so I understand how George falls back into Toto's manipulation the moment his predictions aren't correct.

“Am I scaring you?”

He's scaring me!

George's lack of fear of death is surprisingly eerily. I think it would change once again if he found himself in the same situation of imminent death, but as comfort chapters come I'll let the thought pass. I will not worry about a possible death, for now.

George talking back was something I knew I needed, but I didn't know I needed it this much. After many chapters, it almost feels like catharsis. Almost.

“Oh daddy, you already ruined your toy!” A hysterical giggle escaped his mouth.

When I read this my jaw dropped. I loved George's attitude, but again I understand why he was thrown off balance by Toto's reaction. Toto's words mirror George's mind, and we as humans tend to trust abusers when they use these tactics because we see some 'reason' in them.

As always, thanks for sharing your writing. You do an excellent job with a really complex theme!

-🌻

Hi there!! Welcome back!!!

I'm so glad you liked this one! The title literally came from what I felt writing all these. I really don't know how it took the shape it did but I liked the final product.

So, since George was breaking his cycle, I think Toto had no option but to break his cycle as well. He had to shock George's system to get him ready and malleable for his liking. And it, unfortunately, worked, with the help of drugs too. I feel like they are going to be very codependent if it goes on like this but Toto naturally doesn't have too much free time so it'll end up in George being alone with his half-functioning mind and a constant state of mind. A true shell of the person he was. Unless someone does something.

George tried really hard to accept the prospect of death but I agree that he might feel different if he is in imminent danger again. But I have to remind you of the fact that he didn't have much self-protective instinct in the first place either. He is, as always completely vulnerable but before he had the fortress of his mind, of which he is stripped now.

I really like giddy, hysterical George because he truly reminds me of Nico, I think he reminds Toto of Nico as well. It is also a sign that he is being pushed too far and whatever Toto gave him had its effect. It is still interesting to watch George's mind absorbing everything Toto said like a sponge!

I am so glad you liked this one too, thank you so much for your kind words!

#🌻#answered asks #desecration: gr/tw fic #nsfw.#gr #tw

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wizkiddx · 3 years

Text

living and reviving II

yep when I said three parts I think I meant 4 oops

summary: an overdue conversation that has to happen - like it or not

warnings: cheating, swearing, pregnancy talk, lots more angst, think thats it?

tomhollandxreader

/////////////////////// prev

So with a new sense of dread and fear and complete and total isolation you uttered three single words before hysterically running away.

“Don’t follow me.”

Not now, not ever.

That had been three weeks ago.

And it still fucking hurt like hell.

It had ended up that Yamna had taken you back to hers, where you had stayed for a couple nights. During that couple of days, Tom had tried. He had tried to apologise, tried to explain, tried to fix things. But it just wasn’t that easy.

Whatever he said, it didn’t take back from the fact that he had in that moment meant it. So no amount of sorrys could ever take that back.

After everyone had realised just how serious their situation was, Tom had moved out of your shared flat - so you could at least be in the place you were comfortable. Afterall the nursery was built in your flat and clearly it was you doing all the baby stuff for the moment. Thankfully Yamna, having been cut loose so without job, offered to move in with you. Which was probably the only thing keeping you going.

Well, that and ben and jerrys ‘phish food’. Honestly the shop must think you’re running some sort of ice cream black market at the rate you’re getting through their tubs.

Everyone kept parroting that it wasn’t good for the baby. Too much ice cream . Too much heavy lifting. Too much stress.

And yes, it probably was. But that was out of your control . The stress and lack of man in the household meant you had to do the heavy lifting of shopping from the car up the stairs. Shopping meaning ice cream, which you only depended on so much because of the stress.

It was a vicious cycle of hell.

Even Yamna, the person you were relying on keeping you sane had started walking on eggshells. It was as though you were literally about to pop, she always had to have at least half an eye on you. You were even banned from locking the toilet door - just in case.

It felt like you were a captive animal, people kept coming to observe you, giving sad looks before gleeing the scene.

You hadn’t been sleeping well either. Of course, being 3 weeks of your due date didn’t help - but neither did the lack of Tom. In fact, for the first time since shit had hit the fan, you had actually been managing to get some decent sleep when Yamna knocked on your bedroom door, quietly calling your name.

“I’m asleep” Groaning, you pulled the covers further over your head, praying to god that she’d leave you alone. But of course that wasn’t happening, she just lightly chuckled before you felt the bed dip - she had perched on the edge… Toms side.

“You never normally sleep talk.”

“I’m never normally this sleep deprived.” She sighed, whilst you still stubbornly kept your eyes closed.

“I’m sorry I woke you…. but this is important.”

“What?” Almost grunting, you threw the covers down looking up at her in anticipation. That was another thing about pregnancy - you were always on high alert, always worried.

“Toms here.”

“Tell him to f off.” Quickly you stopped caring about what your bestmate had to say.

“He’s saying that he’s the little ones dad and that he deserves to be involved and…. and I think I might agree.”

“I deserve a boyfriend who stays loyal to me so clearly neither of us are getting what we want.” You weren’t angry at Yamna and snapping at her wasn’t the answer. And yet you still did it.

“Y/n….I love you and I am completely on your side. I just think that maybe, perhaps, you should at least manage to be civil before baby arrives. Otherwise… thats going to be a lot to deal with all at once.”

It was your turn to sigh, deep and heavy (or at least as deep as the baby let). Most infuriatingly she was right. The conversation had to happen at some point. With a baby there too it would only be even more traumatic.

“He’s here now?” It only dawned on you how broken you actually sounded when the words croaked out of you.

“Yeh hunny… I didn’t let him inside so he’s standing outside the door looking like a dickhead right now.” The image cheered you up a little, enough to sit up in bed and be wrapped in Yamna’s arms. Her actions said it all, she really only meant the best for you and knew how hard this would be. After a moment she leant back. “I almost considered calling the paps so they could get a picture and label him as a groveling dick.”

“You should of.” Of course you didn’t mean it, but the answer had you both laughing. It took a minute to calm down before she changed subject slightly.

“You want me to make myself scarce? I can hide in my room or go to the shops or-“

“Text the guy from the bar - you deserve a night off ‘babysitting Y/n’ duties.”

“I’m not babys-“

“Yes you are. Go out with him and have some fun, I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeh”

That was a bare face lie - but Yamna had been almost too good to you. She really really needed a break. Especially as the current plan was she’d be helping with the newborn too. Right now you wouldn’t have wished a baby on yourself - never mind your best mate.

“Okay, get ready then babe - but do it slowly, leave him waiting outside in the cold for as long as possible.”

“Obviously.” You laughed, hauling yourself out of bed, where she gave you one more encouraging hug before leaving.

After hearing Yamna leave, and brushing your hair and throwing on a new pair of trakkies and hoodie, you slowly walked towards the door. It felt as though impending doom were on the other side and every fibre of you wanted to scream and run the other way. But it just had to happen at some point. Why not now?

With a final sharp exhale, attempting to pull yourself together, you opened the door. Immediately your heart sank, seeing nothing. Had you really been that long? And even so, was a 10 minute wait enough for him to give up? You could already feel the hormonal pregnancy tears starting to spring, when a grunt drew your attention.

What you hadn’t considered was the fact Tom was ready to camp out, sitting on the floor beside your door. Springing to his feet, he seemed shocked you’d actually opened the door - makes two of you. When Yamna left she had told him you were coming, but seeing really is believing.

“Y/n! I-I… I wasn’t sure you were ever going to answer.”

“You and me both.” You replied dryly, still leaning on the door. “Do you er…. do you want to come in?” Again he seemed shocked, as though he wasn’t sure you meant it.

“Is that-that okay?” Shrugging you just nodded, stepping back so he could get in. He did pay half the mortgage afterall.

“You want a drink?” He quickly declined your offer, not vocally but instead rushing past you to the kitchen and turning the kettle on himself.

“Your the pregnant one. Go chill on the sofa, I’ll bring you a cuppa.”

And a bit taken a back by his forcefulness you followed instructions, from the sofa watching how effortlessly he danced round the kitchen. It wasn’t shocking, it was technically his kitchen too. But seeing him there felt so alien, almost transporting you back to much much simpler times. Seemed a lifetime ago.

After a couple of minutes, he rounded the sofa with a hot chocolate in one hand for you (because caffiene is bad for the baby) and a cup of Yorkshire tea in the other.

“So… how have you been?”

“Ate a lot of ben and jerrys” You answered without really answering, except he knew you all too well.

“That bad?” He sighed, scrubbing a hand over his brow “how about the baby?”

“I don’t tend to carry an ultrasound on me but she’s been keeping me up all night kicking - so normal I guess.”

“Thats good” He spoke before realising what he said. “Sorry no I um-I don’t mean it like that!” You all but laughed in the face of his flusteredness, only making the tips of his ears go pinker.

“I assume you had something to say and that you came here for a reason rather than just pity me?”

“I want to make things right Y/n - I-I mean your having my kid.”

“OUR kid”

“ Exactly! And-and I love you too and-“

“Bullshit” You may have murmured it under your breath but you had intended for him to hear.

“Oh come one Y/n, you know that!”

It was like the man was asking to be yelled at.

“Don’t sit there trying to patronise me! I THOUGHT i knew it but then I saw you all over another girl. So yes, I’m calling bullshit.”

“Ugh I… If your not going to even try to hear me out then…”

“Then what Tom? You gonna kick me out. I mean this is your flat after all! Maybe you’d like to dump the mother of your unborn child homeless on the street and forget about us - how’d that sound? I’m sure your fans would blindly applaud you.”

“Listen! Please would you just listen to me.” His voice was loud and tone harsh, making you flinch a little. Not because you were ever worried he’d hurt you - but how this wave of uncomfort shuddered through your body, baby even squirming in discontent. So focused on that you just nodded, shifting back into the sofa.

Tom had noticed your reaction and seeing you seemingly scared of him like that, well it broke his heart. Even more.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to shout, I just…. I really need to try and fix this.” He leaned closer, letting out a thankful breath when you just nodded, as if to say go on.

“I’ve really really missed you… these past couple of weeks I’ve never felt so gulity in my life. Not because of what I did! Well yeh that but-but more how much it hurt you and-“

“Fuck.”

You couldn’t help but let out that little curse of pain as a new wave of pain, which seemed to originate from your lower back, shuddered through you. Tom looked up from where his eyes had been nervously wringing his palms whilst he spoke. Rubbing a hand over your belly you shook your head and motioned for him to continue.

She was just kicking really really hard. Right?

“Uhm yeh so I just wanted to properly tell you everything that happened that night so at least we are on the same page? A-And I’m not going to try and use this an excuse but I had been drinking so-“

Seemingly baby disliked the end of that sentence too, causing another rippling wave to echo through your body, feeling as though a band was pressing tightly round your stomach. With another small curse it forced you to stand up, in the hope that’d ease her. Clearly she was as done with his shit as you were.

“Need a water.” You muttered, already waddling to the kitchen, where you heard Tom follow you immediately - like an inpatient dog.

“Y/n sit down I can-“

He was silenced by you freezing and grabbing his arm tightly - a physical contact he hadn’t been expecting from you.

“Tom… get your phone.” You spoke slowly, still not having dared to have moved an inch - fingers almost white from how tightly you were squeezing his forearm.

“Wha-are you-are you okay?”

“I think my waters just broke. Get the phone. Now.”

~~~ feedback is really appreciated + would love to know what u think as still in the process of writing so can be guided / helped by asks !!! ~~~

taglist: @maraudersandco @@minejungwoo @sippin-on-tea @thegirlintheswivelchair @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08 @prancerrparkerr @wildxwidow @arctic-monkcys @ownbauer13 @tomhollandlol @marvelsbitch8 @peterr-parkourr @lizzyclifford13-blog @user1683 @elishi03

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland angst #tom x reader #peter parkqueue #tom holland oneshot #tom holland x reader #tomholland #dad!tom #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x pregnant!reader #Tom Holland fluff #tom holland fluff

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taechaos · 3 years

Text

Your Boy, No?

pairing: bully!Jungkook x nerdy!fem!Reader

genre: drabble, smut, college au

synopsis: You can't stand seeing Jungkook with another girl, so you give him a piece of your mind in a stranger's bedroom by becoming his outlet of sexual frustration.

warnings: losing virginity, riding, degradation

a/n: jungkook's character is not exactly submissive, so i added my own twists to this request. i hope you don't mind @madygswich c:

word count: 2.5k

You can't stop pouting. Holding back tears when seeing a woman perched up on Jungkook's lap while they make out has proven to be difficult, but you're trying. It hurts your heart; hell, you're aching everywhere. It doesn't take a genius to know he's doing it to get a reaction out of you when his eyes are throwing daggers at you with his tongue down another girl's throat.

Following Jungkook around like a lost puppy isn't ideal, especially at a frat party. He never gives you the time of the day if it's not out of menace, but you aren't willing to give up on him. It's just not possible when you are so in love with him, and so fucking jealous.

More than Jungkook, you're mad at the girl. You want to rip her heart out, make her suffer for ever touching the love of your life. You're becoming irrational, mentally cussing her out for being a whore while you stop yourself from breaking down in a house filled with horny young adults. You don't know a single person here, and you have to deal with your pent up emotions all by yourself.

You choke out a sob when Jungkook starts kneading the girl's ass shamelessly with her skirt hiked up to her back. They're being so inappropriate in the kitchen of a stranger's house, while you can't even take a sip from your spiked drink in the bustling living room. You abruptly stand up and throw away your plastic cup when Jungkook's hand disappears elsewhere, and you have an idea of what he's about to do. You march over to him, looking absolutely tiny next to the overbearing college students and you don't notice Jungkook's sinister smile as he watches you fume.

"Let go," you sound hoarse, and not at all intimidating when you push the girl off of his lap. She stumbles at the force, but you pay no mind to her confusion as you pull Jungkook up by his arm to drag him away. You think it's the anger and adrenaline giving you so much strength, but it's Jungkook amusing himself by allowing you to take him upstairs.

"This isn't a therapy session, little girl," he yells over the music, "I didn't come here to listen to you cry."

You huff and let a single tear slip before harshly wiping it away. When you reach the hallway, you enter the first bedroom you find. It's occupied by a foreplaying couple, but you're driven as you hiss, "Out!"

They leave at your demand, and you're confusing a lot of people tonight. Jungkook is surprised by your sudden aggression, but he doesn't stop with his remarks, "the chihuahua's gone mad."

"Shut up, Jungkook!" you whirl around angrily to face him. "How could you do that to me?!"

He quirks a brow. "Do what to you? I'm sorry, am I the one who forcefully brought you here? Am I tripping or are you?"

You push at his chest, "you're a fucking whore! Tonguing a girl in front of everyone, in front of me?"

His shoulders shake in silent laughter and you cross your arms when he starts cackling loudly. The music is drowned out and muffled behind the door, but it's nothing compared to how hysterically Jungkook is laughing.

"What's so funny?" you ask lamely. He throws his head back as he clutches his stomach, and you're starting to get annoyed. You push him on the bed, but he's still laughing. "Quit it already," your voice wavers, but you don't back down as you smack his chest. You place your knees on both sides of his hips to limit his movement and cover his mouth to shut him up.

His crescent eyes turn intense instantly as he glares at you under his hooded lids. He exerts only a tiny bit of his energy into pushing your hand away and you weakly collapse on him. It's foul play to compete with his muscles, and you realize he can snap you in half if he wanted to regardless of your rush of adrenaline.

You sit back up as he lowly speaks, "The fuck's it to you? I wanted to fuck her, and I was going to until you stepped in as if you're my girlfriend. Tell me why I shouldn't go back to her right now." He clasps his hands under his head, making himself comfortable with your weight pressing against his crotch.

"You know why," you huff with a frown, and you look so cute in the dim lighting with your baggy knitted sweater bunching up on the sleeves, sitting on his bulge with so much innocence in your expression. He's smitten, but it doesn't show in his cold stare. "I'm your girl, and I won't tolerate you messing around with other women. It's slutty!" You slightly bounce for emphasis, but your knee-length skirt hides your actions. Jungkook feels it with you, and his eyes trail down to your lower region.

"My girl?" he parrots with a raised brow. He gazes back into your eyes. "You do my homework."

"I don't care. I love you," you plead pathetically, "please say you love me back."

"Wasn't I a whore just a second ago?"

"You were! Apologize to me," you harshly yank his head back by his hair. He doesn't react in the slightest, so you softly add, "please."

"Oh little girl," he sighs, "are you really trying to dominate me right now?"

"I am dominating you. Promise me you won't kiss another girl like that again. I won't forgive you a second time."

"Yeah? What's my loss?"

"Well, you're lazy in school," you bluntly state, "and no one loves you like I do. No one would try to cater to you like I do. I'd do anything for you, Kookie." You tug down your skirt to take it off and plop back down on him before saying, "Including sex. You can only use me for your sexual needs."

He's enamored by your words, but he doesn't dare share it with you. Instead, he thrusts upwards and you yelp when you jump. "Go on then," he says nonchalantly. "Show me how much of a slut you are."

"U-Um, okay," you stutter and start unzipping his black denim jeans. You've seen a lot of porn videos to make sure you were prepared for the next step with Jungkook, but you have no experience with penetration.

And he realizes that rather quickly when you're so meek with your actions. With a groan, he asks, "You're not a fucking virgin, are you?"

"I've been saving it for the right guy," you answer with offence. This is a special occasion, and you want him to take it as seriously as you do. But it's definitely not a good idea to be snarky with him when you can barely remember the steps for safe sex. "Do you have a condom?"

"It's in my pocket," he grumbles and points at his front without taking it out himself. You're excited and nervous as you tear the wrapper and take out the preservative. You have no idea how to put it on, but you're topping so you clumsily push down his briefs. Jungkook is surprisingly throbbing under you, and you blush at the sight of his erection.

He stops himself from teasing you and saying that the girl from earlier gave him this boner, but he doesn't want to be cruel yet. It's your first time, and truthfully, he jacks off to thought of you too often anyway. He can handle being somewhat nice by staying quiet, but that doesn't mean he would teach you how to put on a condom.

You slip it on with little struggle, and don't waste any time in positioning his cock in your entrance. Before he can stop you, you sink down on his length with a painful moan. He wants to tell you that losing your virginity in this position is the most painful, but instead he groans, "Holy shit, how are you so fucking tight?"

It hurts so fucking bad. Your tear ducts are like clockwork as they water instantly, but you lower yourself down to the hilt anyway. You're quite literally sitting on his cock as you try to catch your breath because God, you're in so much pain.

"Fuck, are you okay?" he asks, but he's more worried about controlling himself from fucking into you before you can adjust. It's difficult, but he's trying.

"Jungkook," you whimper quietly with your eyes screwed shut, "it hurts."

"You're so fucking dumb for doing this, but you feel so fucking good," he pants as he holds your hips.

"Thank you," you muster out in a breath. A few seconds pass until the pain starts to numb, and you move against him very slowly. Your walls are stinging, but it feels like Heaven for Jungkook who you clench down on.

"Go up and down," he instructs with a bit lip. He tries to move your hips, but you're resisting in fear of another shock of pain. "Come on!"

"Can you wait?" you hiss through clenched teeth.

He's trying to rile you up when he says, "Sana wouldn't take this fucking long."

And it works, because you bounce once. "Don't say her name!"

He groans at your tightness, and he can't believe how wet you are. You're dripping on him, and he curses himself for holding back because of your hopeless romance. He can't entertain your conservative way of going on about this any longer, so he continues, "She would have made me cum by now, but this prissy princess can't even get a move on."

It's almost pathetic how one push from Jungkook makes you start moving, and it feels less uncomfortable to hop up and down against his pelvis. The filthy sound of slapping skin mixing with the generic radio music is making you feel so slutty because it's so stereotypical, but when Jungkook moans, it brings heat all over your body. You take your sweater off when sweat begins to cumulate on your temples, and he commands, "Take off your bra too."

He's thrusting into you as you unclasp the black material, freeing your breasts as he finds his new eyecandies. You are so pretty, your nipples are so hard, and your cunt sucks him in so perfectly. It almost upsets him when he realizes how much pleasure he's deprived himself of; the amount only you seem to be able to provide, because it's beyond physical intimacy.

"Good girl," he exhales and gently slams into you with his hands fondling your tits. You smile coyly through your tears, and he asks, "Does it still hurt?"

You contemplate for a second, because you don't feel the best yet, but you don't want to disappoint Jungkook either. "I-It doesn't," you lie.

Jungkook mentally rolls his eyes; he really wants to believe you so he can chase his high, but he sees right through you. He slaps your tit without mercy and chastises you, "don't lie. I thought this was your little moment of control."

"I'm sorry," you pout as you slowly ride him.

"Another lie," he slaps your other tit more harshly and you yelp.

"I'm not lying!" you plead and hasten your pace, desperate to sell your lie. It's working, because you're starting to feel a knot in your stomach the more you adjust.

He moans with you, and you lose yourself when he stills your hips and begins to fuck you himself. It's rough, loud, and the pain is your pleasure. His balls slap against your skin as he easily slides in and out of you with the help of your arousal. Your love dawns on him when you're so turned on for him without any foreplay, and he's on cloud nine because nothing can compare to being inside you.

The setting is so unlike you, fucking in someone's bedroom with a bunch of people behind the unlocked door who can barge in at any given moment, but he finds it so sexy. You only care about being with him, and you really do look like his slut now.

His hands start holding onto your ass, kneading it until it turns red with his fingerprints, and he demands you to kiss him. You're out of it, your ears are ringing and you can only moan out his name, but you can't bear to ignore him. Your lips fall on his, and the kiss is sloppy with his tongue all over your mouth. You can't keep up, but your chest swells with pride when you realize how needy he is for you. He goes as far as to spit in your mouth, and you swallow it without hesitation.

"You want me to play with your clit?" he murmurs against your lips, and his voice sounds so airy and melodic to your ears. "Hm? Want me to make you feel good, little slut?"

You whine without a clear response because his lips feel so soft and wet, and that's the only thing you can focus on. All you want to do is kiss him and he doesn't stop you from doing so, but you're even more overwhelmed when he starts touching you while penetrating you. "No," you whimper, "I'll cum."

"A slut can take it," he grunts and rubs your clit faster, and you come undone all too soon. You moan loudly as you tremble, shaking as he rides out your high with a pinch to your clit. You're numb when you collapse on top of him, but he's relentless with his thrusts. He's using your body as you intended, and he's vocal with his pleasure and teasing climax. It's remarkable how he holds you up when you've gone limp and still fucks you just as hard.

You want to record his voice when he starts to whine pathetically, but you have no energy left within. He's panting in your ear, and it's not long before his hips fall on the mattress with a sigh. He's surprised by how powerful his orgasm was, as he fills the condom with his release instantly. His cock is still nestled inside you as both of you recover from your climax.

"Get off," he taps your thigh, and he pushes you off when you don't obey immediately. Your spell has worn off as he starts to dress himself. "I'm going back to the dorms." You listen to him with your mind in a haze. "Unless you want to get raped on your way without me, get the fuck up now."

"Can you carry me please?"

He shrugs and swings your arm over his shoulder, picking up your body with ease. He collects your clothes in his hand, but doesn't hand them to you as he steps out of the room.

"W-Wait, Jungkook, I'm naked-"

"You're my girl, no? Be a good slut and shut the fuck up."

Dangling off his shoulder with your bare tits pressed against his back, you close your eyes and drift off on the way to campus.

Boyfriends typically drop their girlfriends off anyway, right?

#bts scenarios #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts imagines #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #bts smut #jungkook smut #jjk smut #jungkook imagines

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amitlee · 3 years

Text

I’m Not Sure If I Believe It

Summary: Wilbur finds a spot that sends Dream crashing to the floor. Philza comes to investigate.

Warnings: Swearing and tickles

——————————————————————

Dream sat on a couch in Wilbur’s living room. He’d come to Britain to visit George, but knew he couldn’t leave without meeting his other English friends. So there he was, lounging on Will’s couch along with Phil and Wilbur.

The trio had been together for two days and had gotten along perfectly! Despite the two younger men being chaotic for the majority of the previous two days, they seemed to have tired themselves out and were currently watching a movie.

The calming atmosphere was, unfortunately for Phil, short lived. After playfully arguing over what movie they should watch next, Will and Dream had dissolved into a shoving match to see who would get to pick. Eventually, Dream stood up from his place on the couch and made his way towards where the remote was sitting.

What neither Dream, nor Phil, expected was for Will to quickly stand up and wrap his arms around Dream’s torso to keep him from moving.

The younger male, now trapped in a back hug, began squirming around in Will’s grasp. After realizing squirming would get him nowhere, he decided to lightly bat at Will, accidentally tapping him close to the face. Will gasped and removed one hand to hit back at Dream, whilst still holding him in place.

Phil, who’d been sitting on a chair next to the couch, watched as his two friends began play-fighting again. He laughed along with them but eventually got on his phone to pass the time until they winded down. His scrolling was abruptly interrupted when Dream’s laughter rang through the room as well as taunts from Wilbur.

“Oh really! Right there?” Wilbur zeroed in on the spot on the top of Dream’s ribcage, vibrating his fingers into the muscles and scratching around the bones.

Dream let out his signature wheeze before crumbling into laughter and babbling out half-formed protests.

Wilbur chuckled darkly and crawled his fingers up to scribble Dream’s underarms. Dream’s laughter turned to uncontrollable giggling peppered with squeaks and squeals when Will would unexpectedly drill into the spot. Dream clamped his arms to his sides, lightly trapping Wilbur’s hands.

“Lehehet gohohoho!” Dream whined through his constant giggles.

Wilbur slowed his fingers to give Dream a chance to breathe. “You have me stuck.” He said, quickly wiggling his fingers and then stopping.

Giggles were pulled from Dream once more and continued even after Will had become still. The feeling of the fingers was enough to keep him on edge and made him feel more sensitive by the second. “You are not!” Dream tried to move forward, past the arm still holding him around the waist. He was quickly stopped when Wilbur moved so both hands were on his stomach and wiggling deviously.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” Wilbur questioned. He began gently pinching around various areas of Dream’s stomach, making the man try and curl up to lessen the sensations wracking his system.

“Yohohou’re mohohom’s hahaHAHOUSE- WIHIHILL NOHOHOT THAT, NOHOHOHO!”

Wilbur had switched to vibrating his hands in a claw shape on each side of Dream’s belly button button. He leaned his head closer to Dream ear and spoke lowly, “Does it tiiiiickle~”

Dream could barely get a reply out, managing to squeak out ‘yes’ alongside his hysterics. However, whatever semblance of coherence Dream had held onto was quickly thrown down the drain and Wilbur accidentally hooked his index finger in his belly button. His laughter turned silent for a moment before coming back full force with booming volume. He felt his body go limp and slid to the floor.

Wilbur was able to catch him before he hit the ground, gently lowering him and crouching beside him. Will carded a hand through the youngest man’s hair to help him calm down.

Phil stood up to go and look closer at the scene in front of him. He saw Dream’s form curled up on the floor, still shaking with giggles but leaning into Will’s touch. Will was sitting beside him, stroking his hair and watching him fondly.

Wilbur spoke up after a moment, “Holy shit, man! You just fucking collapsed!”

Dream groaned and covered his face to hide his blush. “You were ruthless.” He exclaimed, hesitantly resting his head in Will’s lap, relaxing exponentially when Will rested an arm on his shoulder and continued to play with his hair.

“Well you were going to take the remote.”

“I deserve the remote for what you just did to me!”

“Don’t try and change the subject,” Wilbur grinned. “you melted. And it was absolutely adorable.”

Dream made a noise displaying his feeling of the chosen words. “I did not!” He argued.

Wilbur smirked, he had him right where he wanted him. “I can show you.”

Dream’s eyes widened and he tried to get back up. “No! Nononohoho, I did I DIHIHID!” Dream fell into a giggly panic as Will once again wrapped his arms around him, pulling him so he was laying on his lap and motioning to Phil.

Phil sat in front of Wilbur and Dream, looking towards the pair. “I didn’t see it.”

Wilbur smiled slyly, glad Phil was playing along.

“PHIL! You traitor!” Dream exclaimed while lightly trying to kick Phil.

Phil laughed at the antics, “Alright, but you brought this upon yourself.” He sat right above Dream’s knees, effectively pinning him in place. Phil playfully wiggled his fingers and watched as Dream’s blushed darkened.

Wilbur leaned his head on Dream’s shoulder, “Lets play a little game.” He waited a moment for Dream to refuse in case he truly didn’t want it. “The game is simple. You keep your hands here,” Dream’s hands were guided to clasp behind Will’s head. Will continued speaking, “Phil here will be incharge of giving you all the soft tickles you could ever imagine. The catch is, if those hands come down, he’s going straight for that sensitive little belly button of yours.”

Dream felt his face heat up, knowing he was going to be gently wrecked by his friends until he called quits. “Okay.” He answered meekly, though it did nothing to mask the excitement in his voice.

“Okay.” Wilbur repeated. “Let’s get started.” He nodded to Phil, who rested his hands on Dream’s stomach.

“Why don’t I tell you what we’re going to do?” Phil’s voice had a teasing lilt to it. “I’m going to start on your tummy, gently spidering and scratching around as you fall to pieces. Maybe I’ll poke around a bit just to make you squirm. Then, I’m going to crawl up to your ribs. If you think the rough tickles there were bad, you have no idea what the light ones will feel like. I’ll walk my fingers up your ribs, maybe count them a time or two. After spending plenty of time there, I’m going to spider your underarms. Now, I think this is where you’ll drop your hands and then that cute little belly will be all mine~”

The words swirled around in Dream’s head. The more he listened, the deeper he fell into a flustered haze. He knew his face was bright red, and there was nothing he could do to hide it. But what he could do was feign confidence. “I can take it.” He said with as much confidence as he could manage.

Wilbur chuckled from his position behind Dream. “We’ll see about that.”

Phil began exactly where he promised, Dream’s stomach. He drew shapes to let the man get used to the feeling before stepping it up a notch by scratching both index fingers on either side of his belly button very gently.

Dream tried to hold back his reactions, he really did. But the moment Phil wiggled his evil fingers on his belly, he just couldn’t help but break into soft giggles. The other two cooing at him.

“Breaking already?” Wilbur teased, blowing a stream of air onto Dream’s neck.

“Nohoho!”

“Oh, he’s definitely breaking. I don’t think I’ll be able to do half the thing I planned.” Phil added, tracing shapes on Dream’s stomach once again, this time wiggling them the entire time.

The new technique had Dream giggling uncontrollably. He tried his hardest not to squirm too much for fear of hurting Wilbur’s neck.

Phil gave Dream no time to get used to the feeling. He spidered his fingers up to the base of Dream’s ribs, scratching at the fabric lightly.

“Phihihil!”

“Yes? Was I right?”

“Yehehes! It tihihickles!”

Wilbur grinned, “You’re a ticklish thing, aren’t you?”

“Ohobviohously” Dream fired back with sass.

Phil gasped, “If you can still be cheeky, I’m not doing my job good enough.” Phil started at the bottom of Dream’s ribs, gently pinching and poking them.

“One.”

“Two.”

“Phihihil!”

“Three.”

“Phihil! Phihilza!”

“Hush now, Dream, wouldn’t want me to lose count. Four.”

“Nohoho”

“Five.”

Dream withstood the rib counting until Phil had finished and started over counting once again.

“One.”

“Phihihil, plehehehese” Dream wasn’t sure what he was asking for, but it surely wasn’t for Phil to suddenly pinch at each side of his lower ribs with his pointer fingers and thumbs. His arms jerked down from the shock that jolted through his body.

“Dream…” Wilbur spoke softly by his ear. “Your hands came down.”

Phil spoke up, “He’s right, Dream, you know what that means.” Phil smiled, looking at Dream to make sure they weren’t going too far. Once he was sure Dream was still comfortable, he got right into what had been promised.

Phil stayed away from the death spot that was Dream’s belly button. Instead, he clawed at the area around it. Squeezing and vibrating his fingers similar to what Will had done.

The deviously light tickling had made Dream feel much more sensitive than he usually did. He went straight into near hysterics as Phil tickled all over his stomach.

They found out that if you taser the spot connecting Dream’s side to his stomach, his laughter becomes mostly squeals and the occasional snort, although he can’t handle it for very long.

“Tell me, Dream, how much does this tickle on a scale from 1-10?” Wilbur asked.

Dream just shook his head, bringing his hands to his mouth to try and muffle his laughing.

“Not answering? How rude.” Phil dipped his head down and blew a raspberry on the small pudge below Dream’s belly button. The man shrieked and brought his hands to lightly push Phil away and wrap his arms around his middle.

“THAHAhahat was sohoho mean” Dream complained half heartedly. He curled up and rolled to the side only to have his sides be suddenly tased.

“Oh you’re not going anywhere yet, mister. I’m going to get that belly button.” Phil teased deviously.

“Phihihil plehehease, I can’t tahake it.” Dream blushed, still hiding his sensitive stomach. He was tired and wanted nothing more than physical affection and a nap.

Phil looked at his friend, taking in his appearance and the loopy giggles still flowing from his mouth. He seemed like he could take a little more, but definitely not such a bad spot. “Alright. I suppose we’ll have to take a rain check.” He patted Dream’s leg and got off of him, smiling and nodding to Wilbur.

Wilbur stood and picked up Dream, carrying him over to the couch and setting him beside Phil before sitting on Dream’s other side. Within a few seconds, Dream was being cradled by both Wilbur and Phil, them giving him the physical affection he needed after such a thorough wrecking.

“You did so well.” Wilbur praised, smiling gently at the man when he looked at him with bashful eyes.

“Really?”

“Absolutely. You took it like a champ!” Phil praised as well, wanting the younger man to know how proud they were.

Dream’s eyes shown with undeniable pride and happiness, even though felt rather flustered by all the attention. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Phil said, guiding Dream to rest his head in his lap. Will hoisted up Dream’s legs so he could lay out across both of them and drift off into a well deserved sleep.

“Anytime.”

——————————————————————-

So I’m not completely back, but was in the writing mood. So y’all come get y’all food 💕

#mcyt tickle #mcyt tickle fic #tickle fic #lee!dream #ler!will #ler!wilbur #ler!philzaminecraft #ler!phil #dreamsmptickle #dsmpticklefic

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dragoon-the-greatest · 2 years

Text

Merlin Headcanons, Part One (Pre Canon and Canon Era)

• When Merlin was born, his eyes were gold when he first opened them and he broke a plate when he cried. When the townswoman who helped Hunith with the birth came running into the room to investigate the noise, Hunith starting crying hysterically (she later said she was simply upset that Merlin’s father wasn’t there) and threw a cup against a wall from her bedside to cover up any evidence of Merlin’s magic. It worked; the woman was alarmed by her sudden and extreme actions and ran from the room before Merlin’s magic did anything else. The woman gave Hunith a bit of space for a while afterwards; Hunith didn’t mind, as it took a few years for Merlin to stop doing spontaneous magic when laughing or crying.

• Merlin did in fact tell Will he had magic, Will didn't find out by accident. Between Will's reaction to Merlin not wanting to tell Arthur about his magic, and Merlin's strong desire to tell people in Camelot about his magic even under the threat of execution, there's no reason to think he didn't tell Will himself.

• Will knew for a year or two before Hunith found out he knew. This, combined with Merlin's lack of control over his magic, made her reach out to Gaius on Merlin's behalf. (She had to travel to the next town over to send the letter, but she was so upset she didn’t tell Merlin where she was going. He just thought she had had enough and decided to leave and was so happy when she came back home again)

• When Merlin was little and it was winter time, he used his magic to make crops grow from the seeds stored in his house so that he and his mother could eat. Merlin wanted to share his gifts with the rest of the village but his mother was adamant that he shouldn't .

• (This was endlessly frustrating to baby Merlin, who didn't understand why he couldn't just use his magic to help people. His mother assured him that maybe some day he could change how the world saw magic. She forgot these words as he grew older, but Merlin never did)

• Merlin is extremely sensitive to the cold after what happened with the dorocha. It's never directly addressed because of the grief over Lancelot that is associated with those memories, but on extended hunting trips Merlin always sits closest to the fireside even when it isn't that cold outside. Sometimes he falls asleep shivering and wakes up covered in a red cloak or five

• Merlin likes fire; it was one of the first magics he experimented with after telekinesis. He is not afraid of it because of its association with the pyre.

• No matter how afraid he is of Arthur reacting badly to his magic, he knows Arthur isn't cruel enough to burn him alive. Beheading, however, is a very real fear for him. That was the first type of execution he ever saw, and when Arthur asks him why Merlin never told him about his magic, Merlin didn't say "Because I didn't want to burn," he says, "You'd have chopped my head off."

• This is also why he continues wearing neckerchiefs throughout the series; in Ealdor it was just the style and a way to keep warm, but in Camelot Merlin feels more comfortable keeping his neck covered.

And the one that makes me saddest (sorry):

• Merlin never did find out that Arthur hugged him during the whole fomorrah incident; in his mind, the only hug they ever shared was Merlin holding Arthur as he died.

That's all for now! There will be a Part Two: Immortal Edition to follow but this is getting too long.

#bbc merlin #merlin headcanons #merlin emrys #hunith #bbc will #long post

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praxeus-13 · 3 years

Note

Hello! So happy to see a new fic blog, especially one that has fics for the Master! May I request a fluffy Dhawan!Master x reader in which the reader is the doctor’s companion but doesn’t want to admit she’s in love with the Master? And you can choose the circumstances, but maybe the master “captures” and hypnotizes her in front of the fam and she accidentally reveals it? Thank you so much! I loved “warmth” a lot. 🥰🥰🥰♥️♥️♥️

Thank you so much! I absolutely loved this request as I was already planning on writing something along these lines. I couldn’t find a way to get the hypnotism to work but everything else is there so I hope you enjoy!

Well Kept Secrets

Pairing: Dhawan!Master x fem!Reader

Word Count: 2800

Summary: (what the ask says)

For: @agentmalfoy24601

Warnings: None

You really hadn’t meant to fall for The Master, but intention never seemed to stop anyone when it came to falling in love.

When you first met him, as O, you weren’t quite sure what to think. He was a bit strange, but still sweet - and while he wasn’t your type, you couldn’t deny that he was very attractive. However, there were a few moments when you would look at O and see someone else, and that person interested you. Looking back now, you knew that you had seen his persona slip, even if just for a second, and that had been what had drawn you to him.

When he had revealed himself on the plane it had only drawn you in more. Of course, you had been terrified in the life or death situation, but you had also felt a buzz of excitement and intrigue. If he hadn’t have left you to die on that plane, you know that there was a chance you would have gone with him.

Then The Doctor had sent him off to the Kasaarvin’s dimension and you had lost hope of ever seeing him again, only for him to show up two weeks later.

The Doctor had taken you all to some market planet, given you a credit stick and told you to go off and explore. Originally, you had been wandering around with Graham, but then you had gotten sidetracked and lost sight of him. You had also lost sight of anything else that you recognised so you had started to amble around in hopes of finding someone or something to help.

At first, you hadn’t even seen The Master, so focused on your surroundings that you almost walked right into him, and you barely understood what was happening when he grabbed your arm and dragged you down a quiet side alley.

When you had finally recognised who he was and what had happened, you had been to shocked to stutter out a full sentence. That had caused him to smirk and cockily ask if he was the only one who could leave you speechless, which only made you more flustered.

Once you had finally managed to compose yourself you asked how he was alive, a question that he had ignored in favour of pushing you up against the closest wall and kissing you. It took your brain a few seconds to catch up with the fact that he was actually kissing you before you started to kiss back. Then he had swiftly broken off the kiss and told you that he’d be seeing you, before walking out of the alleyway and back into the bustling streets.

By the time you had finally made it back to the rest of the group, you had managed to get your brain back to its normal working order. Though, when your friends asked you where you had been you told them you simply told them that you had gotten lost after spotting something interesting, resolving not to bring up The Master at all.

True to his promise, he had shown up again about a week after that, kissing you senseless yet again and leaving with little explanation.

After this happened a few times, always when you got separated from the group, you started to have proper conversations with each other. A first they were only about whatever trouble he had caused on the planet to distract The Doctor with, but soon you had started to talk to each other more and more about your lives. He wasn’t as stingy on details as The Doctor was, but you could tell he was still keeping quite a bit of information from you.

Then he started showing up at your apartment, which was a little bit concerning, but he always knocked rather than just bursting in like you knew The Doctor would, so you didn’t really mind. Soon enough your relationship had changed from just meeting up and making out for five minutes, to meeting up and talking for a few hours. Though it was slow, you felt yourself start to fall in love with this strange alien man.

Of course, this caused a lot of internal conflict, especially considering you were still travelling with The Doctor and the rest of the fam. You knew that they were your friends - practically a second family at this point - but you feared that if they ever found out about your relationship with The Master you would loose them. So you kept quiet and tried to pretend that you weren’t secretly dating the man who had tried to kill you all. Every time the two of you met up on one of your trips with The Doctor was both exhilarating and frightening, and while you loved seeing him all the time you were always worried that one of your friends would catch you with him.

When The Master invited you to travel with him instead of The Doctor several months into your relationship, you didn’t quite know what to say. You knew that you loved him, but you had never been able to say it aloud, and you weren’t even sure if he loved you back. As well, it wasn’t like you didn’t like travelling with The Doctor and the fam; it was brilliant, even if you did end up running for your life on most adventures, and you weren’t sure if you were ready to leave them just yet.

Unfortunately, you had taken too long to give The Master an answer, and he ended up storming off without stopping when you cried out his name, not caring to listen to any explanation you had to give.

That had been a month ago and you hadn’t heard a word from him since, which had only upset and worried you. Even if you weren’t ready to travel with him then, you had hoped that you could still be in a relationship with him. You knew that your friends had noticed your mood, and they had all tried to talk to you about it, but you reassured them that you were okay and didn’t say anything more.

————

Now you were on another adventure with your friends, using it again to distract yourself from debating whether you and The Master had broken up or whether he was going to randomly show up and pretend that nothing happened. The planet that you had landed on was overrun with nature, and the ruins of whatever civilisation had been there previously were barely noticeable.

Somehow The Doctor had managed to find a very large cathedral-like building that was still mostly in tact, which was what you were currently exploring.

Without any warning you were grabbed from behind and pulled into someone’s tight grip, causing you to yelp and try to struggle away. Then you noticed who exactly had a hold of you and you stopped struggling as much, making a conscious effort to not relax completely into the hold that you had gotten so used to after the last few month.

Your friends had turned around at the noises and their faces were now a mix of anger and concern, glaring at The Master.

“Let her go.” The Doctor told him, her tone indicating her worry.

“Well, I would, but I think (y/n) is quite comfortable in my arms Doctor.” He spat his response at her, tightening his grip further, but still making sure not to hurt you.

You were trying to resist looking up at him, because you knew you wouldn’t be able to hide the love that your expression would hold.

“No, you’re scaring her, now let her go and I might consider giving you whatever you’ve come here for.”

In your chest your heartbeat had started to pick up speed, you could see that The Master was trying to let onto your friends about your relationship, and you only hoped that he wouldn’t actually say anything.

“Hmm, seems I know your companion better than you.” At this comment you finally looked at him, hoping that he would see the look in your eyes and just walk away without saying anything.

He didn’t look down at you though, and just stayed glaring at The Doctor.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” The Doctor was starting to sound irritated, but there was a hint of fear in her voice as well.

Still trying to stop him from revealing your relationship, you squeezed his hand and tried to get his attention. Unfortunately, he continued to ignore you, and you started to feel much more anxious.

The Master let out a hysteric sounding laugh at The Doctor’s question, and it wasn’t anything like the soft laugh you had grown used to. Though you hated to admit it, he was starting to scare you.

“You don’t even have a clue of what I’m talking about.”

Looking back at the four of them to gauge their reactions, you could see that Yaz and The Doctor were very close to piecing it all together, and Ryan and Graham wouldn’t be too far behind. Instinctively, you pressed further into The Master’s hold, trying to feel some semblance of comfort or safety. Obviously he knew what you were trying to do, he had gotten used to you snuggling close to him whenever you watched a scary movie or had a nightmare, and, either consciously or unconsciously, he started to stroke the back of your hand with his thumb.

“No…” The Doctor’s gasp could barely be heard, but it still caused your gaze to fall to the floor in shame.

You knew that you probably shouldn’t love him, but you did, and now you were going to face the consequences. All you hoped is that after loosing your friends, you wouldn’t loose The Master too.

“Yes.” The Master replied gleefully.

“You can’t- you must have hypnotised (y/n)! She wouldn’t willingly enter a relationship with you.”

“Well, clearly she would, because she did. I haven’t hypnotised her, or threatened her, or drugged her. (Y/n) is with me by choice.” The Master was very clearly pissed off at the implementation that he would do anything to injure you.

Honestly, you were slightly annoyed at it too, the only time he had ever come close to harming you had been on Barton’s plane, and you had gotten out of that alright in the end. You squeezed his hand for comfort again, and this time he squeezed back, calming you down slightly.

“Stop playing games and give (y/n) back.” The Doctor’s voice sounded almost dangerous now, and you were starting to worry for both your safety and The Master’s.

However, The Master seemed unfazed as he ignored her and continued to hold you, “You know it’s true, I can see it in your eyes, but if you’re still having trouble believing it then why don’t you just ask (y/n)?”

Of course he would put you on the spot, you had known him long enough to realise that this whole setup was coming from a place of vulnerability. He was worried that you were going to leave him, that you didn’t care for him anymore, and instead of talking to you about it he was lashing out. It was something that you had been trying to work on with him, but after your hesitation to answer his proposal of travelling with him, he had jumped to conclusions and this was the result.

The silence after he had told The Doctor to question was so deafening that you swore your frantic heartbeat was echoing around the abandoned building. You forced yourself to look up, to look at The Doctor in the eye, and it seemed to be the push she needed.

“(Y/n)?” She didn’t need to ask the question, it was already hanging in the air.

“I chose to be in a relationship with him, he didn’t force me into it.” And then, much quieter, you added on, “I love him.”

Part of you had hoped that no one would have heard what you said, but the room you were in had been dead silent. The Master’s grip on you relaxed in shock, holding you as though you were fragile enough that you could shatter like glass. You tilted your head towards him so you could see his reaction, still slightly worried that he wouldn’t reciprocate.

He seemed to be staring down at you with awe and love, and you couldn’t quite believe that he was looking at you like that.

“You love me?” He asked you, his voice impossibly soft.

You simply nodded in response, unable to form any words. The Master bought one of his hands up to cup your face lightly, as though he was still afraid of breaking you.

“I love you too.” He was almost whispering when he said it but a smile immediately formed on your face.

He leant in to kiss you and you kissed him back eagerly. Unfortunately the kiss was cut short by a not so subtle cough from the direction of your friends.

Still comfortably in The Master’s hold, you turned to face your friends again, feeling your face heating up as you blushed.

“Okay, am I the only one who’s really confused?” Ryan asked, looking around at the rest of your friends for confirmation.

He got a chorus of ‘no’s’ in response and if it wasn’t such a strange situation you might have laughed.

“Yeah, how come you’re in love with the guy who tried to kill us? Cause I feel like I’ve missed a lot.” Graham asked, as clueless as he usually was.

“I’m pretty sure that (y/n) has been secretly dating The Master.” Yaz piped up, and you were slightly glad that she had answered for you.

“Yeah that’s basically the gist of it.” You laughed awkwardly, yet again squeezing The Master’s hand for comfort.

They seemed to mull over this for a few minutes, before The Doctor finally spoke up again.

“(Y/n), are you sure that you want to be with him?” She asked you, and for once it was a question that you could answer easily.

“Yes, I am.” You smiled at her, and you knew that The Master was probably smiling at you.

“Then I suppose I can’t do anything to stop you from loving him.” Then she turned her focus to The Master, “but if you hurt her expect serious consequences!”

He rolled his eyes, “I wouldn’t expect anything less, but I won’t hurt them.”

The Doctor and your other friends then proceeded to interrogate the two of you (though they were mainly focused on The Master) about your relationship. Even if it was slightly annoying, you appreciated their concern and protectiveness over you. During the ordeal The Master constantly acted as though he was extremely annoyed and offended at their interrogation, though you could tell that he was glad you had such good friends - even if one of them was his best enemy.

Eventually the six of you made it back to the two TARDISes, and you all paused outside. He hadn’t bought up the question of whether you would join him in his TARDIS since the first time, and you were still slightly worried that you had missed your opportunity.

Then he turned to you, still holding on of your hands even though you were no longer in his hold, “Want to travel with me?”

He asked with such hope in his expression that you felt your heart melt, even after you had rejected him the first time he was still holding out hope.

A wide grin formed on your face and you nodded, “I’d love to.”

He grinned back and pulled you in for another kiss, much to the disgust of your friends.

The next thirty minutes were spent packing up your possessions and moving them from The Doctor’s TARDIS to The Master’s. That was then followed by teary hugs as you said goodbye to your friends and made promises to call and meet up with them whenever you were all on Earth at the same time. The Doctor made sure that you knew to call her if anything ever went wrong, promising that she’d be there immediately.

Despite the grief that you felt leaving your friends and that chapter of your life behind, you were eager to start travelling with The Master and to see how your relationship would develop. The Doctor, Graham, Ryan and Yaz had definitely become a second family to you, but you knew that this wasn’t going to be the last time you saw any of them.

Holding The Master’s hand, you let him pull you into his TARDIS as you waved goodbye to your friends, before turning around and beaming at him. As soon as the door was shut he pushed you up against it and kissed you senseless - reminding you very much of your first kiss with him.

“Where to first, love?” The Master asked as he brushed a stray piece of hair away from your face.

“Anywhere, as long as it’s by your side.”

#the master x reader #dhawan!master x reader #dhawan!master

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juniorgman187 · 3 years

Text

Things We Know By Heart (Spencer Reid Fluff)

Summary: Reader teaches Spencer how to slow dance in preparation for his wedding. The only problem? Reader’s in love with Spencer, and she isn’t the bride.

A/N: S/O to Kyla who bullied me throughout all of elementary school. Ik you’ve probably changed since then, but you literally traumatized and tormented me for more than six years of my life. So I felt like including you in this story as, “Kayla,” Spencer’s fiancé. Tehe, I’m petty like that. Couple: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid Category: Fluff Word Count: 6.5k

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

I think we’d all like to believe that somewhere out there is our person. And somehow, someway, they’ll get to where they need to go, right where they belong.

With us.

That’s what I’d like to believe.

I’d like to think that no matter what happens along our journeys to each other, we’ll arrive at the same destination regardless.

But that isn’t necessarily true, is it?

Because maybe, my soulmate got lost along the way. They met somebody great, someone they think is their person, and they married that person. They had kids and eventually, grandkids with that person, even though, deep down - they knew it wasn’t right. They stayed with them anyway because their fear of being alone superseded their fear of being with the wrong person for life.

And what am I to do when that happens? When my person finds a different person.

Am I supposed to believe that the universe will be so kind as to give my soulmate the courage to leave their relationship behind and forge a new one with me?

Am I supposed to expect that the world will supply me with another person, the person I’m supposed to marry?

Or do I simply wait for my person to come to the conclusion that they’re meant to be with me after all and my naive entitlement to a soulmate is validated?

Is life really that magical?

This is the story of what happens when your person loves a different person.

∙•○⦾☉☼☉⦾○•∙

With his hand at the nape of my neck to support my head and his other hand flat against the small of my back, he dipped me backward, leaning with me as I arched my back and bent the leg closest to the crowd, pointing my foot to elongate my leg artistically. This was our ending position so I remained in it until the song ended. The two of us bowed to thank the audience and to conclude our performance. Roses fell at our feet while the sound of applause echoed in the room. I was never a fan of being the center of attention, but there was something about this overwhelming praise that was particularly blissful. It was intoxicating.

“I didn’t know you knew how to dance like that.” I gushed to my partner; my cheeks growing pink from the heat and the head rush I got.

He positioned his mouth right beside my ear so I could hear his words clearly over the rowdy cheering. “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, Princess.” said Morgan.

A gauntlet formed to clap for us both when we walked off the dance floor. Hand-in-hand, Morgan led me back to the table through the double file line of people. The team howled with excitement when they saw me and Morgan approaching.

“So this is what you two were keeping a secret from us? That you’re dance partners?” JJ had to ask.

“Yep. All those late nights and secret rendezvous.” Morgan said, shimmying his shoulders be suggestive of a sexual innuendo, which I was not a fan of. Out of mock offense, I chucked a small towel at him with a grouchy command to “Shut up!”

He took the towel to the face like a champ, laughing it off and dabbing his sweat away.

“I don’t know who was sexier up there - Princess or my Hubba Hubba!” Garcia squealed pretending to claw at Derek, reeling him over towards her.

“You looked like a natural up there, Y/N. Were you a dancer before?” Prentiss questioned while handing me a glass of water that I desperately gulped down.

“My mom sent me to dance classes as soon as I could walk.” I jokingly explained after gathering my hair into a makeshift ponytail and lifting it off of my neck, cocking my head to the side and fanning the back of my neck to cool down.

“Maybe you should teach Reid how to dance before the wedding. He’s got two left feet and I don’t think he wants Morgan to teach him how to waltz.” JJ quipped, making Derek throw his head back in laughter. The thought of Morgan and Reid slow dancing would truly be something - something hilarious. I laughed, too, until Reid’s voice interrupted me.

“Yeah, that’s actually a really good idea. Would you mind, Y/N? Kayla would be so happy.”

I thought he was joking, but his humorless expression told me otherwise.

“You want me to teach you how to dance?”

He pursed his lips and nodded, not understanding why I was so confused.

“Um . . . yeah. I can do that. Sure.” My tone wasn’t very convincing, but Reid’s optimism made him oblivious to my reluctance. He smiled and hugged me with one arm around my shoulder.

“I have to call Kay and tell her the good news.” Reid dashed away from the table, pulling out his phone to dial his fiancé.

I darted toward JJ with fury and grabbed her by the arm, dragging her into the bathroom for privacy.

“What the hell was that? ‘Oh, Y/N, you should teach him how to dance.’ You know how I feel about Reid!”

Rather than giving me hostility back, she broke into a smile. “Exactly! If you spend more time alone with him, maybe he’ll finally admit to himself that he shouldn’t be marrying Kayla,”

I rolled my eyes and turned my back away from her.

“We all know Spence would be happier with you.”

As JJ spoke, I trudged to the nearest sink, holding onto the sides for stability as the ground below me swayed. She followed me, rubbing up and down my back comfortingly.

“You know how he is. He keeps things to himself, until eventually they’re forced to come out. If you dance with him, maybe he’ll finally tell you he loves you without actually having to say it. Do this for him . . . and for you.” JJ gave me one last pat on the back before exiting the bathroom to leave me to my devices.

Normally, teaching a friend how to slow dance in preparation for his wedding would be sweet. It’d be a selfless gesture and an act of service for him that would show how much love there was in our friendship. In this case though, it was anything but.

For the six months that Spencer and Kayla had been engaged, the team was relentless in trying to end it. I tried to stay out of it in case all hell broke loose, but I couldn’t escape it. No - I was at the very center of it.

Before Reid even knew Kayla existed, he was head-over-heels in love with me. He’d ask me on coffee dates, wait by my desk for me, and he would always try to sit beside me at the round table or on the jet. It was sweet, really, but it could never go anywhere.

I was in a committed relationship with my high school sweetheart Patrick. (Maybe Spencer had a thing for unavailable girls).

I moved in with Patrick after graduating from college, and after years of working in the BAU (and years of Spencer loving me) Pat proposed. At first, being engaged brought me so much joy, but halfway into our engagement, something changed.

I was in Wisconsin, consoling a grieving widow. She was hysterical after I delivered the treacherous news of her husband’s gruesome murder. She eventually calmed down and proceeded to ask me about my engagement when she noticed my ring. I gave her the bare minimum, fabricated a couple things here and there, but then she asked me the million dollar question.

“Are you in love?” Her eyes glimmered with hope.

My immediate answer was a habitual “Yes, of course.” But after seeing how deeply this widow loved her late husband, I couldn’t say in good conscience that that answer was actually true.

That night I went to the hotel and lied on the bed, praying for clarity.

Perhaps I wasn’t actually in love with Patrick. Maybe we’d been together for so long that it just felt safe and comfortable and familiar. Maybe it was the fear of disrupting the arrangement of my life that stopped me from ending things sooner.

The fact of the matter was that I’d only ever known a life loving him, but that didn’t mean I was in love with him. Maybe I was settling for something with Pat, because I wasn’t sure if I could have a better relationship with anyone else. With all these doubts, I needed a sign.

A knock on the door interrupted my inner dialogue.

When I opened it, who else was standing there, but none other than Rossi.

“We need to talk.” He ordered.

He followed me back into the room and sat at the foot of the bed. He said he noticed something was off about me, and I admitted that there was. So that night, I took advice I probably shouldn’t have from the man with multiple failed marriages, but it was a sign - and it was good enough.

When we returned to Quantico, I asked Hotch for some personal time, which he was happy to permit. That same night I went home and broke off the engagement with Patrick.

I felt despicably cold when I watched him tear up and ask me, “Why are you doing this?”

There was truly no concrete moment in our relationship that incited my decision, but it was merely the realization that being with him wasn’t right, because how could I stand there watching him beg for a change of heart but still feel nothing?

Maybe I was much less than not in love. Maybe I didn’t feel a thing for him at all. Not hate. Not empathy. Not love. Just . . . nothing.

Completely indifferent.

Within the week of personal time I took, I spent most of it moving into Rossi’s guest house. After I came back from work, it took all of two hours before someone brought up the absence of the ring that I used to never take off, and I’d assumed they’d already noticed it the moment I walked in - they were just too afraid to ask.

“I ended things with Patrick.” I casually stated, not even looking up from my portfolio to give it the attention it probably deserved.

While the rest of the team’s jaws dropped on the floor, Rossi was fighting a smirk considering this wasn’t news to him and having seen everyone else’s reactions was a priceless moment for him.

There was a brief moment of awkward silence on the jet as the team processed my information, until finally Hotch cleared his throat and started debriefing again. In the seat next to me, Spencer was very poorly hiding his enthusiasm. Hearing I broke off the engagement was like a green light to make his move. And honestly, it was.

So I waited.

And I waited.

Then I waited some more for him to jump at the opportunity.

But he didn’t.

He never did.

Instead, he introduced Kayla into our lives, and eventually, they’d get engaged, too.

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t developed feelings for Spencer while I expected him to act upon his palpable affection for me. And because of my newfangled feelings, I could never tell another soul that I sincerely believed Spencer got engaged just to spite me - to show me just how painful unrequited love was.

The strangest part of it all, though, was that there was never a moment following the ending of my engagement and the birth of his own that showed me that his feelings went away. He never treated me differently or stopped talking to me. Even in the early stages of his relationship with Kayla, he continued to act like I was the only girl in his life. He was so consistent with his actions that it confused me.

Did he love me or not? And was I in love with him or not?

Evidently, the team seemed to have my answer.

“He loves you and you love him. It’s as simple as that.” Prentiss explained curtly.

Agreeing nods came from JJ, Morgan, and Garcia, who’d abducted me as soon as I exited the elevator that morning and snuck me into Garcia’s Bat Cave for an intervention.

“We need to stop this wedding.” Garcia demanded.

And since that glorious intervention, the team (minus Rossi and Hotch because Rossi seemed genuinely happy for Reid, and Hotch would definitely tell us it wasn’t our place) began trying to put a wedge in the relationship. I, however, made the smart choice not to be involved.

If I was trying to get him to love me, why would I do something that would surely make him hate me like breaking up his engagement? Plus, the blind optimist in me believed that if I was actually meant to be with Spencer, it would happen regardless of Kayla.

So anytime Morgan, JJ, Prentiss, and Garcia suggested something, I refused to participate. I was able to steer clear of any wedding crasher shenanigans up until JJ’s “slow-dance” suggestion.

If Reid knew the true intentions behind these dance classes, he surely wouldn’t be pleased, but clearly - he didn’t. Because when I walked out of the restroom and back to the table, Reid still had a huge grin that took up half of his face, making his eyes look nearly shut.

“Thank you again for doing this.” Reid beamed.

“Of course! What are friends for?”

Morgan, Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia exchanged satirical glances at my choice of words.

What are friends for if not to purposefully set two people up in hopes of ending one person’s betrothal?

∙•○⦾☉☼☉⦾○•∙

Later that weekend . .

“Come in!” I called out, buckling the ankle strap of my heels.

The door opened partially and then all at once to reveal the one and only. I peeked my head out from behind a wall that was obstructing my view of him, immediately noticing a bouquet of lavender wrapped in twine.

“Oh my goodness, what is this?” I asked in pure delight as he handed me the pretty purple flowers.

“It’s a thank-you gift for agreeing to help me.” His lips formed a thin straight line, which was his version of a smile. A smile I appreciated whenever I was lucky enough to have caused it.

“They’re lovely, thank you.” I told him, hugging him briefly before fetching a vase from the kitchen to put them in.

“Oh, good, I’ll tell Kayla you liked them. She’s the one who picked them out.”

The glass vase nearly shattered the moment he said that, but luckily, my reflex skills spared the vessel.

How big of a fool was I for thinking that he gave me flowers out of the kindness of his heart because he knew lavender was my favorite? But then again I probably needed that brutal reminder of why he was here in the first place - for Kayla.

As I put the vase on the kitchen island, I spun around, brandishing a fake smile.

“So we should probably get started. I don’t wanna keep you here for too long.”

“There’s no rush. Kayla won’t be home until late at night.”

I tried not to think of the potential innuendo that lied within his statement, but Spencer wasn’t type to be disloyal, and I wasn’t going to be the woman to make him such a person.

“You look really nice, by the way.” I heard him say from behind me, catching a whiff of his cologne that was intoxicatingly sweet.

I did my best to not take the comment personally and let it get to my head, but I’d be lying if it didn’t elicit any response. I smiled to myself, which thankfully, he couldn’t see since my back was towards him as he followed me into my backyard.

“You smell different.” He added.

“Good different?”

“Yeah, absolutely. Is it a new perfume?”

I furrowed my brows. “No, it’s the same one I’ve been using for years.”

“Interesting,” I could feel him taking in this information, and I could hear the gears in his head turning at an even faster rate to spit out more information. “Did you know that you pick your soulmate by subconsciously reacting to pheromones that transmit their genetic compatibility? Yeah, there’s a relationship between attraction and scent, which dates back to our primal instinct. So if someone smells appealing to you, even if you don’t know it, it could relate to your attraction to them and vice versa.”

“Ah, then maybe I should consider changing my perfume to improve my love life.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I love the way you smell.”

In the back of my mind lied the unanswered question I neglected to voice, “But do you love me?”

When we reached the backyard, I heard him gasp in awe.

“It looks beautiful, Y/N. You did great.”

Nestled in my backyard was a dark wooden deck, surrounded by plentiful greenery. Lining the perimeter of the shiny wooden deck were asymmetrical rocks, while above us hung strands of fairy lights that cast a sheer golden glow on the entire scene. The ambiance was not for Spencer specifically, but I was happy that he appreciated it nonetheless.

“You ready?”

He signaled yes by putting his thumb up and so it began.

“Alright, so slow dancing can be broken into four easy steps, but first, you gotta know how to hold your partner correctly.”

Spencer and I took a step towards each other, and I could feel the nervous energy radiating off of him. I tried not to call attention to it, so I simply continued with my process. Outstretching my arms to form a T with my body, I guided him verbally.

“So I’m the follower. And you’re the leader. Got it?”

He nodded.

“Leader puts their right hand under the follower's left armpit and cups their hand around the follower's shoulder blade.”

He understood my instructions, and in the most awkward manner possible, he fumbled his way into the right position, albeit, not perfect.

“Now, hold my right hand as high as my eye level without raising my shoulder.”

Spencer was glaringly anxious, so I gave him a word of encouragement. “Hey, don’t be nervous. It’s just me, okay? And you’re doing great.”

I could see the nerves beginning to settle, translating into the conviction with which he took my hand, raising it at the perfect height.

“Great. Just like that.”

My praise brought out that smile in him that only ever came out on rare occasions. The kind where it’s brief, his teeth showing, a light chuckle escapes him, and he’s looking down as if he’s too shy to look at me.

“Okay, step two is basic footwork. Leader starts with their left foot and takes a step to the left. And then your right foot is going to meet your left foot and tap. The count is one-two.”

I watched as Spencer tried to process what I was saying.

“Do you want me to demonstrate first? And then you follow?”

He nodded rapidly as if saying yes wouldn’t be enough to communicate how much he needed me to lead. We broke apart so that I could turn my back towards him. I felt a cold draft blow under my dress as I spun on the ball of my feet, making my skirt flutter upwards majestically.

I felt him watching.

“Alright, so I’ll start and then you can catch on. It goes one-two.”

Left foot step. Right foot tap.

“Then three-four.”

Left foot step. Right foot tap.

“Then to the right this time. Five-six.”

Right foot step. Left foot tap.

“Seven-eight.”

Right foot step. Left foot tap.

“And back again. One-two. Three-four. Five-six. Seven-eight.”

My eight count continued until the click of my heels on the patio was joining by the sound of Spencer’s feet shuffling behind me. I knew if I turned around to check on him, it would only psych him out and make him more nervous, so I stayed facing forward so he wouldn’t feel that I was scrutinizing his technique.

After a minute or so of following me, I spun back around, catching his lingering stare in the region of my hips. He tried to play it off and pretend he wasn’t, but I felt it.

“You did really well tonight. I’m proud of you. I think that’s a good place to stop for today.”

He thanked me with another hug, the kind where we nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck.

God, I could feel him breathing on my shoulder.

I tried not to not to let myself indulge in it, reasoning that this was just a way for one friend to thank another, but I couldn’t help myself when the hug lasted longer than it should’ve. I tightened my embrace around him, drawing him in closer, and shutting my eyes as if taking my sense of sight away would heighten my sense of touch and magnify this feeling I never wanted to end.

“You take care, okay?” I said, rubbing my hand up and down his back to signal we should pull away, a signal he understood.

I was the first to walk away, merely because of the worry that I might sooner cry if I had to stay under these lights with him a moment longer.

I wasn’t sure I could do this again unless he was mine. Otherwise, I’d just be under the stars, dancing with the love of my life that I couldn’t have - feeling that feeling again, and not being able to act on it.

Is this what happens when your person loves somebody else?

∙•○⦾☉☼☉⦾○•∙

I know I said I couldn’t do it, but I did it anyway.

I guess that’s what love is. Doing things you don’t want to do because your care for the other person surpasses the discomfort. True love makes you do things like that, even if they aren’t in your best interest.

When he came over the next night, we danced again. Undoubtedly, he stumbled - even came close to falling - and yet, I fell in love all over again. After that, it got harder to separate dancing from my feelings.

The next day, we had a case. He came to my hotel room and we danced in the dim golden light of the hotel room’s chandelier. God, it was so ambient and romantic, I think I fell even harder for him - if that was even possible.

From then on, every time we were in the same place, he leapt at the opportunity to dance with me.

“Guys, look what I learned last night! Come, Y/N! Come on, come on.”

He waved me over eagerly with his hand, even helping me out of my seat in the round table just to speed up the process. All too excitedly, he assumed the leader’s position, and he danced me around the entire conference room in front of our coworkers. He spun me around the table, he dipped me in the doorway, he held me in his arms by the glass board.

Can you really blame me for falling in love?

“Wow, Y/N! I’m impressed. You really whipped him into shape.” JJ remarked with a clap.

I hid behind a faux smile, but Spencer was too elated to recognize the deceit. He was like that now. Maybe love made him more of a fool, more naive and blissfully unaware, whereas love made me more devoted and cognizant.

It went on like that for weeks. Practicing whenever and wherever we could.

He’d pull me into the hotel lobby at midnight to dance - not even batting an eye at the looming presence of the receptionist.

He’d ask me to come to his apartment and we’d dance in his living room or in the narrow hallway, just for fun.

When we were at Rossi’s, he’d drag me to the kitchen, with Rossi’s gentle music playing in the background, and we’d sway by the fireplace sometimes.

We danced once in the elevator when it got stuck. I never thought he’d be so fearless to do that, but he looked like he was genuinely enjoying himself, almost like he didn’t even notice we were stuck in an elevator.

While we waited for the jet, we’d danced on the tarmac, looking like a moving bundle of clothes, our movements stifled by our thick peacoats, layers of clothes, and scarfs.

After a dinner during cases, when we’d split a cab back to the hotel, he’d get me to dance on the sidewalk, even convincing me not to pay attention to the onlookers on the street, the honking cars, or the confused pedestrians. I was always embarrassed to be in the spotlight, but somehow with him, it was easy. It felt like it was just the two of us, dancing under that streetlight.

I never understood why people wanted to live in a moment forever, but for the first time that night, I did. That was a moment I wanted to freeze in time. I wish I could’ve stayed there forever. There in that moment, it really felt like it was our own little world. It was easy to believe we’d end up together, and we were the ones getting married, and we were in love.

But again, that was in that moment. In that singular, fleeting moment. And then life moved on, whether or not I was ready for it to.

The day of rehearsals inevitably came, and I wasn’t originally supposed to be at the wedding rehearsal since I wasn’t part of the ceremony, but Spencer asked me to be there, deliberately neglecting to tell me that the reason he wanted me to come was so that I could fill in for Kayla, which had I known that, I would’ve certainly declined.

When I walked in, the team was all there, sitting in the pews, with their heads turning to me where I was standing at the entrance of the church. It felt like an eerie nightmare that I was living out where I was Spencer’s bride walking down the aisle, and this was our wedding. I couldn’t tell you what was so nightmarish about it - probably because none of it felt right - but I was sick to my stomach when Spencer gestured for me to meet him at the altar.

“What’s going on?”

“Kayla had a last minute dress alteration in Norfolk and got stuck in traffic. She won’t make it for this rehearsal, but she’ll be there in time for the dinner rehearsal.”

“So why am I here?”

“I wanted to practice my vows on you, if that’s okay.”

I gulped hard, trying to swallow the lump in my throat to open up my suddenly-closing airway.

“Um, I don’t really know if -”

“Please, Y/N. I’m just nervous that I might mess up-”

How could I say no? True love makes you do crazy things, even if they aren’t in your best interest, right?

I reluctantly agreed.

Spencer’s hands were trembling and I could see it by the way his notecards were shaking, even from the fact that he brought notecards alone, and that he didn’t already memorize his vows. I wanted to put my hands around his and hold them to settle his unsteadiness, but I knew that wasn’t my place. I figured my words would do a better job at not crossing a boundary that was already crossed.

“Hey,” I comfortingly whispered. “It’s just me, okay?” Calling back those words from the first time we danced months ago. “You don’t need those notecards. Just speak from the heart.”

And sure enough, his heart spoke.

“When people used to tell me stories about what love felt like and what is what, they always said they fell in love with that person. Like it was sudden and all at once, but with you - I walked into love with you. With my eyes wide open, choosing to take each and every step along the way. I never believed in fate or destiny, but after I met you, I finally believed. I believed that we are only fated to do the things that we’d choose anyway. And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality. I’d find you and I’d choose you.”

My breath hitched as I got lost in his eyes and how they were looking right at me, completely unmindful of the way everyone around us saw how he spoke to me.

I think he even got lost too, because what he said next, didn’t even seem to register in his mind before it came out of his mouth.

“I love you . . . Y/N.”

Gasps rang through the church, ricocheting off the high ceiling, and in that moment I knew, I knew he was going to kiss me.

He lunged forward in the heat of the moment. Clearly not thinking straight, he held my face in his hands, and I swear to God, I could’ve kissed him back.

I would’ve.

“Spencer?”

Every single head in the church turned toward the small voice, too distinct to misplace.

“Kayla, wait!’

And there I stood, alone at the front of the altar, watching him run after her.

∙•○⦾☉☼☉⦾○•∙

I sat by my phone the entire afternoon, waiting for someone - anyone - to update me. No one ever ended up texting or calling, so I figured the dinner rehearsal wasn’t cancelled. At least, in that case, my dress didn’t go to waste.

After spending an ungodly amount of time curling my hair and putting on my makeup, even achieving a smoky eye look, I finally slipped on my navy-blue, satin, floor length dress, donning nude heels and a dainty gold necklace with a single diamond pendant that laid right on my sternum.

It was a shame that this was a moment where I should’ve felt at my prettiest, and yet, I’d never felt so ugly.

I was riddled with the guilt of knowing I would’ve kissed Spencer if Kayla hadn’t walked in. I felt even worse that I was so consumed by his speech that I didn’t even hear her come in.

How long had she been standing there? Long enough to watch what I knew everyone else saw? These questions never left me. Not even when I pulled into the site of the dinner rehearsal.

Clutching the front of my dress to walk without resistance, I came to the entrance, and opened the door to reveal . . . nothing.

Staff was removing chairs and tables.

Waiters were collecting plates and utensils.

And Spencer was standing in the very middle of the empty room, watching it all happen silently, like he was just the shell of a man.

“Spencer!” I called out from the entrance, in no hurry to meet him at the middle of the room. He turned on his heels, with his hands sheepishly shoved into his pockets.

“Gosh, I’m sorry, Y/N. I should’ve called to let you know it got cancelled, but um, Kayla broke my phone.”

“Well, it’s time you got a new phone anyway.” I chuckled, which thankfully earned a chuckle from him, too.

“What happened, Spencer?” My voice was quiet, as if it was any decibel higher it would sound more like a scold than genuine concern.

“She, um, she told me she needed some time to think. And I, I told her to come to the rehearsal dinner if she still wanted to get married and,” He mirthlessly chuckled. “Well, you already know.” His words were chosen carefully to deliberately avoid what he hadn’t yet come to terms with.

She didn’t come.

I wasn’t yet sure whether or not to console him or to berate him for what he almost did, but I chose the former.

“I’m so sorry, Spence.”

He looked up from the ground, still managing to avoid my gaze, by looking up at the ceiling, and pretty much everywhere my face wasn’t.

“I understand if you want to leave right now. I just need to pay the owner and I’ll be out of here.”

I shook my head instantly. “No, I’ll be right here. If you want me to be.”

He bit his lip to stop a sob from escaping. “Yeah,” He nodded, cowering his head. “I’d like that a lot.”

As soon as I saw his cheeks get red, I took it as a cue to approach him and hug him. He was grateful for my compassionate touch, immediately opening up his arms to hug me back. His embrace around me was needy and desperate, and it felt like he was clawing at my dress, acting out of anger that the fabric was stopping us from being that much closer.

With his shoulder digging into the spot right underneath my chin, it was hard to utter the words, “You look really handsome, by the way.” I said, finally acknowledging his light beige suit and white button up shirt.

“Thanks.” I heard him mumble into my shoulder.

“Kayla doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

To my surprise, he didn’t recoil, flinch, or so much as react to her name. Instead, he simply pulled away, wiping the moisture under his nose, and straightening out his suit.

“We should . . . we should probably talk about what happened earlier, right?”

I sighed and shook my head. “Not if you don’t want to. We can save that conversation for another day.”

He looked appreciative of my avoidance, but I knew he wanted to talk about it.

“Hey, excuse me,” He stopped a staff member by clutching their arm gently. “Do you mind, actually? Leaving two seats behind.”

The staff member complied, doing as he said, and leaving two chairs behind, setting one right across from the other. I took my seat, and Spencer took his.

“I probably shouldn’t have spoken from the heart, huh?” He joked, finally seeing the humor in his situation.

“No, it was good that you did.”

“You think so?”

“Definitely. I think Kayla would’ve appreciated it.” All too quickly he responded with, “I wasn’t talking about Kayla.”

I was talking about you, his somber eyes said.

I looked away from his gaze immediately, trying to find a reprieve from the conversation that I was doing my best to avoid.

“It was a really good speech. It sounded so natural. Like something you knew by heart.”

“Something I knew by heart?” He didn’t seem to understand what I meant.

“Yeah, some things we just know by heart. Like the lyrics to our favorite song, or a recipe, how to dance,” We both chuckled at the reference. “Or . . . how to love.”

“Do you think we know who to love by heart or do you think we make that choice ourselves?”

“I think it’s both. I think we can’t control the person we’re meant to love. That, by some miracle, we’re handed this person that complements us better than anyone else. But I also think it’s our choice on whether or not we pick them. Maybe we aren’t willing to stand the test of time and wait for our person, so we don’t pick them and settle for someone else. Or maybe we do pick them and we live out the rest of our lives together. I think that’s what makes love so special. It’s a person choosing you over and over again.”

Isn’t that what we all want? To feel chosen?

“And what if we make the wrong decision? What if we’ve met who we’re supposed to love, but we chose to love another?” His eyes were searching within mine for the words that I wasn’t saying out loud. Out of fear that my eyes might expose me to Spencer, I looked away.

“I think -”

Spencer cut me off. “Look at me.”

My head didn’t move, but I shifted my gaze just as he wanted.

“When two people are meant to be, nothing and no one can end them. They may get lost a time or two on their journey, but true, real love will always conquer. Nothing can compete with them. Others can only attempt to fill a void. And eventually, the two will be reunited. That’s the beauty of true love; you always end up with the right person, at the right time, regardless of any other factor.”

Quiet fell upon us two after I said my piece. My breathing slowed down and the knot in my stomach came undone. The lump in my throat disappeared.

All my bodily barriers broke down. There were no more emotional walls up between the two of us anymore. I was completely vulnerable - nothing to hide me. Not even my eyelids could hide the windows of my soul. Spencer had already seen into them.

He saw my soul, my secrets.

“Dance with me.” He extended his hand in the air between us two. With no hesitation, I accepted his offer and followed his lead. He’d never danced so naturally before. Somehow, his stiffness had withered away. The thick tension that used to loom in the air above us two dissipated. Something new replaced the contents of the atmosphere.

Love.

Unbounded.

Unrestrained.

Unbridled.

Limitless love.

Spencer drew me in closer so my head could lay on his chest. Previously, I was looking at his face, but now the view was of our connected hands. My fingers were intertwined with his, and I didn’t even notice how his thumb was rubbing small circles on the back of my hand until I saw it with my own eyes.

Had he always done that, but I couldn’t feel it until I saw it for myself? If so, what else had he been doing that I couldn’t feel?

“Loving you.”

I removed my head from his shoulder after hearing him answer the question that I pondered silently, wondering if suddenly just acquired the superpower of telepathy.

“What?”

“Loving you. That’s all I know how to do by heart.”

A wave of relief came over me when I realized he hadn’t read my mind, he was just simply adding to our conversation from before.

“That’s not true,” I mirthlessly chuckled. “There’s lots you know how to do. You know thousands of chess permutations, you know how to geographically profile - you know how to dance now.” I countered playfully.

He shook his head. “I know how to do those things, but sometimes, none of it makes sense. I used to lose matches against Gideon, sometimes the comfort zone is inaccurate, and until today, I couldn’t dance very well,” He chortled. “But loving you. That always made sense. It never failed me or disappointed me and it’s so all-consuming that if I try to love anyone else - it just doesn’t make sense.”

Of all the words in my vocabulary, each of them were failing me. I was rendered speechless. Spencer cleared his throat and looked away for a moment, before finding the nerve to say it.

“I choose you.” He proclaimed.

So, I was right.

There are some things we know by heart.

Lyrics to our favorite song.

A recipe.

How to dance . . . how to love.

And who to choose.

“I choose you, too, Spencer.”

. . . So to answer my question from before, is life really that magical? . . .

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

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