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lifebyinez · 1 year

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Tiny Fires - Emily Prentiss x Reader

Chapter 1- The Big Move

-Emily's POV-

"Absolutely Not." I was met with a disapproving groan from the rest of the team. I crossed my arms and shook my head at them. "It is not happening. I am more than capable of defending myself. I am not leaving my house, and I certainly am not leaving the team." They must be crazy, thinking I would leave my house, my job, and my life behind. Especially to live with her. JJ places her hand on my knee. "Emily, we're not asking you to leave. We are asking you to take a break for your own safety. Not to mention the safety of the team." I scoffed at her. This whole situation was pissing me off more than you can imagine.

Years ago, there was a case in Cincinnati that ended in a shootout. There had been 2 unsubs, a husband and wife. Rachel, the wife, had her gun on JJ, and I took the shot that ended her life. James had escaped. We tried for weeks to catch him, but he might as well have disappeared. He was... gone. Well, 8 years later he is back and he wants revenge. I killed his wife, and he wants to kill me. Which is why the team is trying to force me into hiding with my least favorite person on the planet.

Rossi spoke up, "Prentiss, you don't have a choice in this. It's for your own safety." Excuse me? "Im sorry, did you forget that I am your boss?" It was Reid's turn to speak now. "No, we haven't forgotten. But he knows you, in and out. He's been watching you for years, and he's preparing to kill you. Which means he knows that you don't particularly enjoy Y/N, which is why her home is the perfect place to lay low." He had a point. Their plan made perfect sense. Buy a plane ticket in my name, turn in my resignation, and have me disappear to another country. He would follow 'me' there. There would be an apartment in my name in whatever country they choose. He would drive himself crazy trying to find me, with the fake tracks we would lay. In a way, it was my only option. If I actually fled the country, he would find me. If I faked my death, he would dig up my grave to make sure I was actually dead. If I stayed in a hotel, he would see the card transactions, the name it was in, and he would figure it out. Honestly, I know staying. with Y/N is the only safe option, but I do not want to accept it.

Y/N was a pain in my ass. Every time we were on a case, it was like she was trying to get herself killed. She just brushed it off when I yelled at her. I honestly don't understand how she got here, let alone how she is still alive. I would have fired her a long time ago, but she is fantastic at her job, I'll give her that, But that's all she has going for her. It almost cancels out her amazing profiling skills. Almost. I wouldn't say I hate her, but her carelessness with her life absolutely infuriates me.

"Even if I agree to this, what makes you think she will?" I asked. Penelope spoke, "Maybe because she is absolutely desperate for your approval. That and I already asked her, she said yes." I groaned. Of course, she would, another stupid and dangerous thing for her to do. Of course, she's all for it. "And what if he figures it out? He'll target her, you know." I said. JJ sighed, "We have it figured out, Emily. You and her just can't know those details, but he won't know. You just have to trust us. Please." I thought about it for a moment. They're not going to let this go, and my options are limited. "What about Sergio?" I desperately tried to find any reason to not go through with it, but it was becoming more apparent that I didn't have another choice. "Oh please," Garcia responded, " you think I didn't think about that? You know Y/N loves cats. She said you're both welcome as long as you need."

"Fine."

I wasn't allowed to pack anything. The movers had to do it all, for fear of him following me. And right now, I looked completely ridiculous. Blonde wig, a lot of makeup, sunglasses, bright clothes. I looked nothing like myself. I was riding in the back of the SUV, completely hidden by the tinted windows. This get-up was completely unnecessary, but they insisted. Derek was driving, and trying to make small talk. I was too pissed off to give more than a 3-word reply. 45 minutes later, I was in front of Y/N's house. I have to admit, it was impressive. It's beautiful here, the house was completely secluded. Surrounded by woodlands, with a small creek running alongside the house. The house looked like an oversized cottage, it was lovely, and totally Y/N. I'm surprised she was able to afford this, she was much younger than the rest of the team, and as far as I know, she didn't come from money. Either way, I could think of worse places to go into hiding. Even if it was with someone as intolerable as Y/N.

Y/N was standing on the porch with Sergio in her arms. What the hell? Sergio doesn't let anyone pick him up. Especially strangers. She smiled at me and took Sergio's paw and waved it. Derek looked back at me. "Go into the house, and go fast." I nodded. " And Emily? Try and release all of that tension you have with that poor girl. And when you do, feel free to send me the video." Oh my god, he will never let up with that, and it's ridiculous. When Y/n first started, the team liked to joke that she was exactly my type. To be fair, they weren't wrong. Her y/h/c, y/e/c, and that body... But none of that mattered the minute she opened her mouth. "In your dreams, Derek." I said as I got out of the car. I speed walked up the porch, and she held the door open for me.

"Hi! Welcome home. I know you're probably tired, but I figured we could get the tour over as soon as possible, so you'll have time to relax?" I just nodded at her, already finding myself getting irritated. I saw a flash of disappointment in her eyes, but she turned around before I could study it. She turned to her left. "That's the living room, TV remote is on the coffee table. I don't watch much TV, so it's pretty much always available, and if you want to watch something and I'm using it, just let me know. I'll find something else to do." She spoke quickly and with an excited tone in her voice. "You do not have to do that, this is your house." "I insist! if you're going to be cooped up here for a long time, you at least have to be entertained." Before I could argue with her, she turned to her right and started walking. "This is the family room. This is where I normally hang out when I'm not downstairs. But if you want to be in here and I'm annoying you feel free to kick me out." Geez, now I'm starting to feel bad. I was about to say something but she continued on. She pointed at the piano "I can teach you how to use that if you want." She didn't give me time to respond before walking through the French doors into the kitchen/dining room. The kitchen was adorable, filled with little nicknacks and foliage that just screamed Y/N. It was very much her home. "I went grocery shopping before you came, but I wasn't sure what you liked. I put a little notebook in your room for you to make lists of what you would like me to pick up when I go shopping. I can go tomorrow if you'd like." I didn't answer her question, instead, I asked my own. " Why do you have a table that big if you live alone." She stopped in her tracks. I couldn't read the expression on her face. She stumbled over her words. "oh, uh... That's probably a story for a different time." She started walking towards the stairs. "Downstairs is a bar, bathroom, and laundry room. Drink whatever you would like." She started walking up the stairs. There was a cute little loft area. There were lots of candles, plants, and cute decorations that matched y/n perfectly. She lead me to a door and held it open for me. I walked into what I presume to be her office. There's a small couch, a desk with her computer, and a lifetime supply of books. Every room had touches of y/n's personality. "Read anything you want, and let me know what kind of books you like. I get a really good discount at this little family bookstore 20 minutes away. I guess you can say I'm a very loyal customer." She smiled at me, I didn't smile back. "The password on the computer is in that drawer, use it whenever you'd like." She turned and walked out of the room. We continued on with the tour, showing me the main bathroom. She opened another door, "This is my room." The room isn't what you'd expect from a 26-year-old girl. There were a lot of older art pieces, another bookshelf that was stocked to the brim. A soft orange color painted the walls, and just like the rest of the house, so many plants. I started to wonder how she managed to keep all of them alive.

It was all so Y/N. The paintings, the old-timey decor, the plants. It was all her, and it was actually quite endearing. If only she wasn't insufferable. She looked up and me, but I didn't meet her eyes. "Okay, are you ready to see your room?" I nodded at her. She lead me across the loft and opened what I assumed to be my door. "I'm sorry it's so plain, I didn't have much time to prepare." I don't know what she's talking about, the room isn't plain at all. Little touches of her sprinkled throughout. I nodded in her direction again. I was about to say something but she spoke first. She looked like she was trying not to cry. "Look, I know you would rather be anywhere else in the world right now, and I'm sorry you got stuck with me here. I'll try and stay out of your way." I wanted to say something, to apologize, but nothing came out. She waited a moment to see if I had anything to say, and when I didn't, she walked out.

I'm an idiot. That was so incredibly rude of me. I need to apologize.

But I should probably let her have space. I'm sure she's not happy having me here. It's certainly going to be an adjustment for both of us.

I looked around the room. She had obviously prepared for this. The bed was made perfectly, but there was a basket of extra blankets, sheets, and pillows on top of the dresser. And on the nightstand, a basket of snacks. All of my favorites... how did she know what kind of snacks I like? Taped to the basket was a note reading 'Welcome home'. Oh my god, I am a jerk.

I could feel the exhaustion taking over my body. I didn't bother changing my clothes, I just laid down and drifted into a deep sleep. So deep, that I didn't hear the knocking on my door, or y/n entering.

When I woke up, it was dark outside. I rolled over to check my phone to see what time it was, but my hand landed on something soft and warm. She made dinner. And it smelled absolutely amazing. I took a closer look and could immediately tell it was all homemade. Chicken and gnocchi soup next to a plate of chicken marsala. Oh my god, it tasted even better than it looked!

Then it dawned on me, I still hadn't apologized.

I knocked on her door, and I heard no response. Okay, she must be downstairs. But she wasn't in the living room, or the family room, or the kitchen. Now I'm getting worried. Where the hell would she go this late? "Y/n!" I called out, not caring that my voice was shaky and panicked. No answer. I called again, but still no answer. I rushed downstairs. She wasn't in the bar, the laundry room, or the bathroom. I tried to check another room, but it was locked. I yelled for her again, but still no answer. I called her phone again and again. Each time it rang and rang until it went to voicemail. I checked every room in the house again, and I still didn't see her. I felt like I could throw up. I checked the living room, and just like the other 3 times I looked, she wasn't there. I was about to call Garcia to trace her phone when lightning flashed outside. I instantly calmed down. She was outside. Who the hell goes outside during a thunderstorm at 1 in the morning? I opened the door but she didn't hear me. I took a second to admire her like this. No mask to cover her feelings. Just content to be outside. Truth be told, she looked gorgeous. her hair fell over her shoulders. She didn't notice as I moved closer to her, content to just stare at the rain. I put my hand on her shoulder and she yelped and jumped back. She looked up at me, her eyes wide with fear before softening upon seeing me. "Oh, it's just you. You scared me!" I took a good long look at her before speaking, "You scared me more." She looked confused but didn't question it. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you liked to sit outside during storms either, I'll go and give you some alone time. Does she really think that I hate her that much? I didn't respond as I sat down next to her.

"No, you don't need to go."

#emily prentiss #prentiss #criminal minds #emily prentiss x reader #criminal minds x reader

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logan-is-noggin · 3 years

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Wisdom Teeth

Summary: bucky takes care of you after getting your wisdom teeth removed.

word count- 1081

y/n woke up in a reclined chair that was covered in plastic, fluorescent lights flickered and she groaned from it stinging her eyes. a woman in matching blue shirt and pants with a paper mask pulled over her nose walked over to where she lay. " how are you feeling y/n? finally waking up, i see." she narrowed her eyes slightly at the nurse. " wath i not awake? i thought i wath." she said stumbling around the words. the nurse smiled. " you were napping for a bit while got our work done." " what wor-" she tried to talk around the gauze filling her mouth. the nurse stepped to the side of her chair. she reached her hand into y/n's mouth and pulled a red wet clump from one cheek, then the other. y/n looked up at her with disgust. " why am i bleeding!" " you had your wisdom teeth removed. your gums will be bleeding for a while, dont worry." you blinked a few times, your body suddenly feeling very heavy, letting yourself fall back against the chair. after placing new gauze in its place, the nurse stepped away leaving y/n with her thoughts. using her tongue, she counted her teeth. " one, two, three..." she mumbled. several times she had to start over because she couldn't figure out where tooth number fifteen started and tooth fourteen ended. while she was busy counting she didn't notice the nurse back with a wheel chair. the nurse pressed a lever that lifted the back of the chair to an upright position. " c'mon, your friends are here to take you home" she helped y/n stand up and sit down in the wheel chair. "-was counting." she complained, but the nurse just pushed the chair forward. the sudden movement made y/n's head spin and she gripped the arms of the chair. ' slow down!' but when the nurse didn't, she realized she musnt have said anything out loud. when y/n was brought into the waiting room of the hospital, bucky was at the front desk talking to the receptionist. she handed him a zip-lock bag filled with something and a few papers. the nurse had helped you out of the chair as bucky greeted you. " how are you feeling, doll?" you tilted your head in confusion" i thought i was a human." y/n proceeded to pinch a piece of skin to check that they were indeed still made of flesh. bucky shook his head. " they drugged you up good, huh?" he wrapped his covered metal hand around your waist and guided you out of the hospital. " you remember what you came here for?" bucky quizzed " of course. i sold them my teef-" y/n mumbled. you reached for your mouth, the gauze was beginning to bother you, but bucky took your hand in his " ah, ah. dont go messing with your mouth, you might mess up the stitches." " bu' mouf hurts' " you complained with a frown. y/n and bucky reached his car, Sam was waiting, his phone in hand. " we'll take care of the pain once we get home." he promised. you nodded. " can i drive?" you slurred reaching for the driver side door. " um no, id like to live please." Sam said as he laughed. you noticed Sam had his phone in his hand and he followed you with it. bucky opened the back seat and made you duck your head so you wouldn't hit it. " get in back with her so she doesn't try anything.." " why cant i drive?" Sam said back. " you didn't have to come with me, but you wanted to film her right?" Sam acquiesced and the three made their way home.

FRIDAY announced their return as they stepped out of the elevator into the compound. bucky still supported y/n as she walked, Sam followed, phone at the ready in case your drug attled brain came up with any more comedic ramblings. tony and Bruce were looking at a white board when Sam came up to them. it was also tonys idea to get y/n on camera after getting surgery, he had done the same when peter got his wisdom teeth removed the previous year.

" you guys have to watch this!" Sam said excitedly as he handed tony his phone, " just hit play.

the recording showed y/n in the backseat, she was writing something with her finger in mid air while she spoke " but the symbol for iron is Fe, and man is the same as male. so technically, iron-man translate to Fe- male. that makes iron-man a woman." then all that was heard was Sam and buckys laughter.

tony paused the phone and tossed it back " jokes on all three of you, peppers made that joke five times since mark II." bucky had taken y/n down one of the hallways that led to her apartment.it was so everyone that lived at the compound had a private space. he opened the door and helped y/n sit on her bed. she kicked her shoes off and pulled them under her. she tried to pull her blanket around her shoulders but it was stuck under her. when bucky came back with a glass of water he helped wrap the blanket around her. " 'kay, the doctor gave me this list to help you recover. " he opened the zip lock bag and pulled a pile of gauze out along with a smaller bag of capsules. " " first i gotta take the gauze out." he had a piece all folded up at the ready. " open up doll.." so she did

" i miss you." bucky gave y/n a confused look as he reached into her cheeks to pull the bloodied gauze out. " what are you talking about, im right here." she shook her head. " no. we shouldn't 'ave broke up." she said, mouth fill of fresh gauze. bucky winced ever so slightly, knowing it wasn't right to talk about that subject with you inebriated. he handed y/n a pill and helped her take small sips till it went down. " we- we can talk about that stuff later, right now you should get some rest." y/n laid down, wrapping herself tighter in the blanket, and was soon asleep, the medicine quickly taking over. bucky watched her for a minute until her breathing evened out. he bent over, pressing a quick kiss to y/n's head before closing the door behind him as he left.

Part two

it was a few hours later since bucky had left y/n passed out in her room. bucky had spent all evening replaying those words in his head. thanks to the serum, he was able to hear when there were movements coming from y/ns room, and bucky went to go check on here, and more importantly, get some answers

bucky and y/n had dated for a while after she joined shield a while back, and bucky wouldn't admit it to anyone else, but when y/n broke things off after a measly four weeks of dating, it hurt.

bucky knocked on the semi open door of y/ns room and waited until she acknowledged him " hey, come in." she sounded much more sober than the last time they spoke. y/n was currently folding up a piece of gauze and tucking it into her gums where the teeth had been recently removed " whaths up?" she tried to speak around the cotton

" just wanted to check on you, see if you needed help." he said casually, " looks like the drugs wore off. you were acting pretty crazy for a while before." he said with a smirk.

" and i know the guys aren't gonna let me live down whatever i did to embarrass myself this time." she agreed. bucky sighed as he took a step inside the room further, " actually, i was hoping we could talk about something" he asked nervously, but y/n didn't seem to notice this and simply pat the spot on the bed, so bucky sat down

" before you passed out, i was changing your gauze, you said that you missed me. like, when we were dating.." y/ns eyebrows knit closer together " i did?" bucky nodded y/n shrugged " i guess i was just feeling sentimental. " she did remember the good moments they had together

" you also said you wanted to get back together. and i wanted to know, do you?" the question pained the both of them, and there was a silence that filled the space before y/n shifted in the bed " theres part of me that wishes we could, but i broke up with you remember?"

bucky nodded " i still think it was a sad excuse-"

" i know it was. but its the truth, my only experiences with guys lead up to me getting hurt. all forms of love ive witnessed only ends up with heartbreak, i was only trying to save you the trouble of getting attached and getting hurt like i did." she admitted.

"for what its worth, the last thing i ever want is to hurt someone,and how do you know if you never give us a real chance?" he asked

" you're right, and maybe once i dont have too many holes in my head, we could try again?" y/n asked softly. bucky leaned forward and kissed her forehead " id like that."

#bucky x reader #buckybarnes #domestic avengers #y/n #sam wilson

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jade-of-mourning · 3 years

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theformat wrote, "im floating with the birds im talking to the weeds look what youve done to me"

in which i spontaneously take several hours to translate nate’s awfully punctuated commentary on dog problems into Comprehensive English Words. partially so i can write my stupid essay on it for fun. but yes here you go, 4.2k words from a 2006 livejournal archive that i managed to snatch out of two saves. here’s a link if you want to read it from the source, but i’ll have you know it’s a nightmare. early 2000′s nate ruess learn how to type properly challenge.

theformat wrote,

[@ 2006-5-18 18:44:00]

"im floating with the birds im talking to the weeds look what youve done to me"

Hi,

Sitting on my couch, watching ESPN. Damn, it’s good to be home. Things have been pretty crazy the last 6 months. As a lot of you know, we were dropped by our label — we went and recorded a new record, labels became interested, [and] we decided to release it ourselves. We went on tour, and now I’m [...] home for the next week: my first week off in six months. What do I do?

Well, my roommate and I got memberships to the YMCA down the street from our house. It’s an amazing place. Downtown Phoenix is pretty much an amazing place. It’s not like the rest of the state — speaking of which, I’m declaring war on Scottsdale, it’s the opposite of Downtown Phoenix.

Anyways, so I wake up at 9am every morning. I don’t know what it is, really — I’ve been a "pro" musician for about 3 years now, [and] we are supposed to wake up at 11 or 12. I know some dudes that wake up at 1, but no; since I’ve been home the last few days, I’ve been going to bed at 1 and waking up at 9. My roommate has a job, [so] I think it has to do with that.

See, there are 3 showers total in our house. I have the big bedroom, so I have the big shower, [and] since I’ve been off on tour and recording, he has gotten used to the nice shower in my room (Which is fine — anyone that’s gotten close to me knows I’m not too fond of showers, so it’s not like I use it that much). So every morning around 8:45, I wake up to my door opening and my roommate going through my room to use the shower.

You know what it’s like when you’re half asleep but you want to act like you’re awake so as not to freak someone out with all the crazy babble, but you just end up saying all the same crazy babble? I do that every morning. I turn and look at him and try to act like I wasn’t just dreaming about tootsie rolls and parrots that shatter like glass. "Hey [Roommate's Name], that was some game last night" [is what usually] comes out of my mouth — something to that extent — and I think he feels sorry for me, but continues to walk right into my bathroom, and use the shower.

At this point, I’m awake. I usually have to pee, and I have to then use his restroom. It’s a terrible swap, and it always ends with me wide awake on my front porch (har har) smoking a cigarette and wondering how the hell I’m gonna fall back asleep when the air conditioning is broken. Ah, what a wonderful life at home, [but] that’s the weird thing — I love it. Now we wake up and we go to the [YMCA]. We run, we play basketball, we jump in the pool, we play pool basketball, we get yelled at for dunking the ball. We don’t use soap before we go into the sauna, and the night usually ends with a poker tournament. This is the life I love to live when I’m away from the road. It too is the opposite of Scottsdale. It’s who I am, [and] it’s pretty much who I’ve become.

See, for the last 23 years, it’s been about the highs and the lows for me. I’ve got an addictive personality, [so] I stay away from a lot of things because of this; however, when I find things, I get generally excited. I go crazy. It’s all I think about and all I do for the next howeverlong. For the first 23 years, it was either talking non-stop or locking myself in my room. It’s either great or terrible; not good or bad. Dog Problems changed that.

Initially, Dog Problems was supposed to be that — the original concept of Dog Problems was to be 2 sides of music, the first half taking over where Interventions [+ Lullabies] had left off: "We'll be together in the morning…"

We weren’t, in fact. We were over before Interventions was even released. We were over two weeks after it was recorded, [and] I spent the next 2 years feeling terrible. We got back together… we broke up… we got dogs… we broke up… we got back together and got dogs…

I was still miserable, but I wanted Dog Problems to get me through everything. I wanted it to help me, not anyone else — just me. The first side was supposed to be me down in the dumps [and] everything that went down: how the two of us were dealing with it differently, [and] the second half was supposed to be a realization.

The first inkling of realization was a day [when] we were on tour. We were all laughing about something I’m sure Marko or Adam said. Here I was supposed to be depressed, but the fact that I can spend all of my days in different states with my best friends, all of us doing what we love — that was major! Then my mom called… I’ve got my parents! My friends! What else could I possibly need?

At that point, I felt as if a relationship in a Michael Bolton sort of way didn’t mean anything. It was the people you surrounded yourself with — those were the people that made the difference, and that was going to be side two. I was convinced that when I just closed my eyes and thought about the wonderful people around me, I was going to be great. Not good, [but] great.

I didn’t get that far, no. I got back into the relationship.

I was sure it was going to work. At that point, life would be perfect, and we all want perfection right? [But] things went right back to far from perfect. Things went to terrible. I couldn’t stop feeling sorry for myself, but I had a concept. At that point, I figured that even by singing and recording these positive songs I was going to feel better, so Sam showed me what was then just a short acoustic guitar version of Snails.

This was it. This was my first chance to prove to myself that life can be beautiful. The thing is, I had never been more miserable. I remember writing the lyrics to Snails: my roommate was at work, I was on the bed, on my night stand was a giant bottle of booze, and somewhere off in California she wasn’t calling me back on a Friday night. So I went to work, listened [to it] over and over. I wanted to get it right; I wanted to be positive. I passed out, then I woke up the next morning [with a] big headache (P.S. drinking is not really that cool; it’s cool when you condemn it for the first 22 years of your life, then it becomes not cool, then it becomes ok when you moderate yourself) and I started writing everything positive I could think of. [...] Snails was, in Sam’s mind, supposed to be a 2 minute kid’s song, [but] I wrote so much that there was no going back. I thought that was it — Snails solved all of my problems.

It didn’t get that far either. Nothing could shake the depression, [and] I really started to worry about myself. Here I want to feel great, but I only feel terrible, [and] a few months later it got really really bad. I had to go to my parents house that night, I didn’t want to be at my house. I wanted to feel like a kid.

It’s funny how we always want to be adults when we're younger. We want to drive cars, we want to have girlfriends. I still didn’t consider myself an adult — all I wanted was to come home, be tucked in, know that everything was going to be alright. I woke up the next day [and found out] she met someone new. I’ve got to figure myself out…

In the meantime, we've got 4 songs we are recording over at our friend Aaron’s house (he is an amazing producer and [...] musician, and his house and his roommates have gotten me through a lot of tough times. They’re some of the only people I know who would rather spend their Saturdays getting dinner and watching a movie instead of going to a party. I like that). All of this turmoil in my relationship was going on at the time, and I was trying to write side two [but] I couldn’t. There was more fuel to side one. These songs have to be done, so I wrote about what I knew, and at that point I knew how to feel terrible.

So much for side two. Dog Problems is going to be one giant mess of depression and "look what you’ve done to me".

Atlantic got those four songs, as well as a few others. They were not psyched, to say the least, but some people at the label actually cared about it enough to say "go record". So we were able to pick our producer, we met with a few people, talked to a few more. Things were looking up. Dog Problems was going to happen.

I remember meeting Steve McDonald at his house — Sam and I were excited to be [there] because we knew his wife Anna would probably be there. Anna was the lead singer/songwriter for a band we used to obsess about called "That Dog", her brother was one of the ten drummers in the world that I actually liked, so Steve couldn't be so bad. And he wanted to produce our record, so he had to be pretty cool!

He was just that, and more. Sam and I were eating every word that came out of his mouth. He had stories; he was young, hip, energetic, and yet very all knowing. We saw someone that was going to let us do whatever we wanted to do, and in the meantime he was going to make us laugh and make sure we didn't lose our minds. From that point on, I knew there was someone I could always trust. I made a friend pretty quick.

Things were moving forward. Steve McDonald was to be the producer. I hated Los Angeles so there was no way in hell I was going to record there, [so] we decided Palm Springs would be perfect. Weird, but perfect. I had a phone conversation with Steve that night and we were finalizing everything. I was going to call Atlantic in the morning and let them know just how everything was going to work, [but] I didn't get that far.

I was sleeping in a blowup bed at the house when my phone rang. I didn’t wake up and answer like it was my roommate and he was coming into my room to use my shower, [because] this call felt different. Right away, I was awake.

It was our manager: "You’ve been dropped."

When I heard that, the first thought going through my mind wasn’t "Oh man...how are we going to be famous now and make boat loads of money?" It was more like "fuck...but Dog Problems. We were supposed to go make Dog Problems."

The thing is, Atlantic wasn’t into Dog Problems. They were into whatever it was they thought we were. Never had The First Single made more sense — what was supposed to be a song about getting the band started and doing something with it had actually turned into a song about how stuck we were in the labels eyes because of the song. I was past that; we're proud of something we wrote when we were 19 and 20, but when I think of music, I think of progression.

I think of all of the wonderful records I had been introduced to when I had nothing to do riding in a van. I think of all of the new influences, all the instruments, all of the "How did they do that?" And I think of how much it gets me through everything.

Music has been the consecutive[ly] great[est] thing in my life. It’s been that one thing, and with Dog Problems, it wasn’t about "I want everyone to sing along because I can write a catchy song." It was about feeling. It was paying tribute to all of the bands that we obsessively listened to. It was for Harry Nilsson and Van Dyke Parks, it was for Jellyfish and XTC. It was our way of saying thanks for making our lives better, whether it be lyrically or musically. It was never about being something, being told something, and sticking to something. It was an adventure, for the artist and for the listener.

[And] they didn't get that. They wanted the old record, the old songs, just with different words and a few different chords here and there. They didn’t care about Snails or Dog problems [or] what it meant to write those songs. They knew it wasn't going to be huge; the guitars were not big enough (if big guitars are your thing that’s fine, it’s just not really our thing right now); it wasn’t going to be competitive, and so they dropped us. And rightfully so: we weren’t going to change, and obviously the major label business is never going to change, [so] now it comes down to who goes down first. And we weren’t ready to go down.

Sam and I had conversations about it, whether the business end of things have been fucking with us so much that we'll never be sane enough to just enjoy it. We thought about getting out — it wasn’t [be]cause we hated each other, or the songs; it was because we hated the business.

Steve called to let us know that he was still onboard, label or not, [and] we let him know we were still on board. We were going to make this record, [and] I was going to feel great! But the record was going to cost something. How could we afford it?

We were lucky that we had a management company like Nettwerk. Not only are they the most forward-thinking music business people around, [but] they’re also (for the most part) Canadian. Oh, and they care a shit load about the music we make. They could have waited for the ship to sink, but they told us they would pay for the record if need be. Fortunately, we were able to get money for getting dropped — Atlantic actually paid us to leave, so we could afford the recording ourselves. The only stipulation was that it had to be done quicker, and when you want something quick, you have to go to the "right here, right now" capitol of the world: Los Angeles. I was a little irked at the thought at first, then Steve said it was his personal goal to make LA a wonderful city for me. Like I said, I would jump off a cliff if Steve said it was the best way to get coffee, but I wasn’t jumping off of cliffs. I was too excited to make Dog Problems, [so] LA it was.

Sam and I moved to the "Silver Palace" in Silverlake California in the middle of December. We found an amazing studio in Burbank, California and an amazing engineer in Ken Sluiter, and our goal was to just do everything free from a record label and someone constantly messing up the recording process by saying things like "that’s not high octave enough". The only pressure we had at all was from our manager saying "You have a tour you accepted in March, [so] get it done by then.” Other than that, it was me, Sam, Steve, and Ken working 13 hours a day for 6 days a week.

It became our lives we were putting so much of ourselves into. Everyone that worked and played on the record was the same way when they were there contributing. I would leave the studio at 2 in the morning and wake up at 10 to be at the studio by 11. There was no free time — the four of us were so invested in this. We all bought into the concept.

In the meantime, things outside of the studio were getting interesting. We had a lot of labels calling and constantly asking about it. During one week of recording, I remember at least 3 different label people coming down to the studio. Our minds weren’t made up as to what we were doing with the record once it was recorded — all we wanted to do was finish it — but we kept our options open and let people sit in the big chair and listen to what we had been working on. The response was overwhelmingly positive, but we didn’t really think about it too much beyond the compliments we were receiving. Sam and I got used to LA — I was 10 minutes away from where I had been the previous summer when I was back "on" in my “on and off" relationship. I was ten minutes from her, she was calling every day, I was singing about it… but how was it not getting to me? Why did I not care?

My phone was off. I woke up in Silverlake one morning and started wondering why for the last month I had a smile on my face. Sure, I was down at times, but the thing that had been bringing me down for 3 years was now the last thing on my mind. Apparently, it had been that way for awhile. Something that took 3 years to get over… I was finally just okay with it. No big realization — just the fact that things happen. People make mistakes. And I came out of it alright. I was good; not great… I was good, and that felt good.

I wasn’t looking for great anymore. I was okay. The last song on Dog Problems is all about that. Here, this record was supposed to be the downs, and the ups, and it ended with the middle: the realization that I don’t need to be talking; I don’t need to be locked in my room — I need to enjoy what’s going on around me. And if things go wrong, they go wrong. There’s always tomorrow.

Dog Problems means so much to me in so many different ways. I’ve never been more proud of anything in my life. I cried so many times during the making of the record. All the money I had spent on therapy, and all I had to do was go make a record, realize that I’m alright, and realize that I made something that I’ll forever be proud of.

Shit… the record was supposed to be about how California can change you for the worse, [but] it played a huge part in doing the opposite!

So as we were putting the finishing touches on the record (all our friends came in and recorded! A ton of people we admired came and worked on the record! All of their responses were so positive that it's hard not to get an ego about it. These are the people I worship. They’re the ones I wanted to pay tribute to, and they think we've made something unique and special. It’s like Michael Jordan telling you that you have a nice jump shot (no more sports references… I swear I’m done)) and we started to think about what we were going to do with it. How we were going to release it. Labels were getting pretty into it, and we knew we would have to make a decision soon.

After much debate and discussion, we decided that the record was something we had made completely on our own, so why not release it completely on our own? Nettwerk was going to take care of the distribution so it would have a major label distro. It would be inside all of the Best Buys; what more did we want? We didn’t want a big fat check — we did that last time. It made us miserable, and nothing came out of it. Barely anyone at the labels helped us, we weren’t making music videos, our songs weren’t on the radio, so why would we take their criticism? After all, everything that we’ve done — any success we’ve had is from being real people who make music. From showing up to play, from 3 years on the road.

On Interventions [+ Lullabies], there might have been an Elektra logo on the back of the record, but it ended right there. We were the ones SHOWING people who we were. I wouldn’t have it any other way — no one knows us better than ourselves, so why not release it ourselves? To me, it’s not only a testament to the hard work we put into the band (Mike, Don, Marko, Toco, everyone else involved in putting these songs to life — you guys are the best thing we have. It’s pretty special when your best friends are some of the most talented musicians), but I really feel like the people who come to our shows are such good people that they don’t give a fuck what label it’s on.

They are there because we are doing something positive, and because we care about them as much as they care about us. So for the time being we've said "fuck the middleman": we're the only people we can blame at this point. I’m so tired of even talking about major labels and the split and everything like this. The music is the only thing I care about. Dog Problems is the only thing I care about, so why let someone else ruin it?

The Vanity Label was born.

The record got finished. We had no time to rehearse, and we had to go right back out to tour. Our first show before the Motion City Soundtrack tour was in Nashville — I remember the last time we were in Nashville, there were about ten kids. Reuben’s accomplice kept asking them why they hate whales, so we figured why not go there and get some of the rust out of the way. After all, we haven't toured in a year so there should be like 3 kids there; we can mess up if need be.

Unfortunately, we were not allowed to mess up. On a Sunday night in Nashville, with Ted Leo playing across the street (I <3 Ted), our first headlining show outside of Arizona in almost a year was over sold out. What the fuck happened?

We thought we were going to have to play for another 3 years just to get back to where we were when we left, and yet it’s sold out on a Sunday night? It didn’t end there either — the whole tour went like that… night after night ("nite after nite?"). I couldn't believe it. As if having Dog Problems wasn’t enough, now we have people showing their support in the most positive way: coming to the shows, being there from the only thing they knew before. Those two months were such good months. It was the last thing I expected. Thanks so much to all the bands that played with us, and thanks so much for everyone that came to the shows and sang along. We'll be back in July.

In the meantime, things were going great on the Vanity Label front. Business actually felt natural. We are shooting a video with the directors we had always dreamed of doing a video with (it won’t be serious...no pouty face). There were magazines like AP and online magazines like AP taking notice, supporting the whole idea and concept. We actually took press photos. I’ve never been through any of this before, it’s exciting. I don’t think it’s going to change who we are, not one bit, but it’s still exciting to see people who can help out actually help out.

So where does that leave me now? Sitting on my bed. I’ve rambled for hours, the air still doesn't work, and I’ve been told that Dog Problems (something that isn't supposed to come out till July) has been leaked. Not the best news when you just got out of the pool, but it happens. I freaked out at first — I thought I was going to lock myself in my room. After all, this is something that we spent over two years making. It’s something that you have to take the time… listen to in headphones… play loud… listen to in order of the tracks… the artwork… Sam did the best artwork he has ever done. The packaging is something we paid extra for because Sam’s concept was so brilliant, and now… it’s leaked on the internet? I was locking my door, then our manager called.

"Hello?"

"We're releasing it on the website today."

"Wow."

So, here goes. You’ve read enough. I shouldn’t have to go on about it anymore, but I will say, if you wanna wait for the full hard copy release then do so. It’s July 11 — we are gonna be touring right after that — but if you want to get it now,.please do it by purchasing it right here. We released it, it’s our money, it’s our little baby — you should take the time to listen to it all the way through, free of distraction. You should turn the songs into your own. It’s an adventure, and it’s something that we put everything we have into; and if anyone deserves it first, it’s you guys who have been here with us all along.

Without further ado...

"Dog Problems"

- Nate

#dog problems #the format #nate ruess #basically: dog problems; a lyrical & musical & emotional masterpiece #i honestly feel like i don't even need to write that essay anymore wtf #4.2k words baby that took me ages to edit bc he has the WORST typing habits #every half statement is interspersed with ellipses and there are no apostrophes and everything was no caps lmaooo #moving on #this is absolutely my favorite album ever and holy shit #finally reading this post in its entirety gave me so much more insight it's wild #i'm like so fucking emotional help jhfhbjgfhsdkg #i'm just glad he's doing alright now and having a good time even if music isn't a big part of his life anymore #and i also feel like i understand the breaking up of fun. a lot more as well #hell i just really understand nate ruess in general a lot more and it's really nice #bc he's been my favorite artist for a while and i know a lot of people shit on him for his personality but like. fuck off people are people #and u know. if work permits is my favorite song so hearing shit about it makes me happy #truly makes me appreciate the album more than i already did #and makes me get why it's the only part of his discography he still actually likes #even though OBJECTIVELY SPEAKING they are all Excellent but okay then nate

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p0gue420 · 3 years

Text

!Too Young To Feel Numb! (Kie x Reader)

ATTENTION!! There are a lot of trigger warnings in this one! Including: drinking, drugs, talks of feeling alone, depression.

Summary: Y/n started smoking weed at the age of 8, It’s all she’d known; She grew up around it so it was normal for her to start super young, she told herself that’s the farthest she’d go...only smoking weed..never any hard drugs. She thought she could learn from her parent's mistakes, guess not.

pairing: Kie x female!reader, Rafe x Platonic! reader, JJ x Sister figure! reader

Warnings: Substance abuse, depression, suicidal thoughts, marijuana Underage drinking,(reader is 15),

A/N: Alot of grammar errors because i dont feel like checking it so sorry....not really,hehe

---------

I use to think people were crazy for even thinking about doing anything harder than weed. Yeah...I was like 7 so it doesn’t count.”Yo you gonna babysit that shit or pass it, I mean...I have all day but would love to do something besides wait for you to pass the blunt.” I rolled my eyes waiting for JJ to hand it to me.”Chill, what’s up your ass today?”

He finally passes it, after what felt like hours. I take a long hit before seeing he’s actually wanting me to answer his question.”Nothin. man, I’ve just got places to be.” I mumbled out hoping he wouldn’t start asking any further questions. He stares blankly awaiting me to pass it back, knowing I don’t share my feelings so he simply lays off. “Hey. You trynna go surfing today….whenever you’re done with your….things..?”

“Uhh, yeah text me and-” I’m cut off by the sound of my phone vibrating...Barry.

Barry:

Meet in twenty? I got extra today

I look up from my phone stuttering my words, and fumbling.“Uhm, I gotta go do something, but I’ll text you later to surf, yeah?” I say nodding towards JJ as I began walking out.”Uhm yea sure, hey-” I was already out the door.”-be safe.” he muttered to himself left wondering why I left so fast. On the way to my bike, I ran into Kie and Pope laughing about something before Kie began to make her way over towards me.

“Hey, Y/n! Heading out so fast, are we?”Kie pouted her lip out mimicking a whimpering sound.” heh, yeah sorry bub. I gotta go handle some things and I’ll be back later.” I peck her lips in a swift movement as well as pull up the front of her crop top, covering her exposed cleavage.”Those are my love,keep them covered” I wink at her. She laughs and heads inside after blowing me a kiss,that I catch and pretend to place in my heart..Wow im so whipped.

My thoughts cut off by a loud vibrating noise.

Barry:

You coming?

Read: 46 sec.ago

Me:

Omw now!

Read: just now

I hop on my bike heading over to Barry’s place knowing a shortcut I found a few days ago.

It only takes 10 minutes before i’m in front of his house walking up the steps of the porch.My clean oxygen is immediately replaced by the smell of cigarettes,weed,and...Is that burnt hair?I scrunch my face in disgust at the awful smells.”Aye look who it is!” Barry calls out after seeing my face, He’s standing beside..Rafe cameron.

Now...I’m not friends with Rafe but i also don’t exactly despise him.I babysat wheezie all summer last year,most the time he’d join..keep me company;I don’t think he knew i was with Kie but he’s not all bad.He’s helped me more times than I can count,only because i've done the same for him though.

“Yo waddup.I didn’t expect to see you here.” I share a short handshake with Barry and side hug Rafe,he seems unprepared for it so he stumbles a bit but eventually hugs back quickly.”uh yeah.just doing some..business” Rafe says avoiding eye contact,looking everywhere except my face.”anyway i'm gonna head out, i'll catch you guys later.” Rafe walks towards,im guessing his bike;I head inside following barry so i didn’t really catch what he drove in.

“So like I said I've got your usual ,and then I got a little extra something I thought you may like.”He continues on but I'm so wrapped up in the fact that I want to consume something soon,anything;I don’t know exactly what he's saying.”Sound good?” He asked “Uh what?sorry I zoned out a bit.”I shook my head pushing my long hair out of my eyes.”Look,Usually altogether this would be alot of money but considering I stole the pills,I'll spare you the oxy,wadda yuh say?”, “Yeah sure,80$?”

He nods his head holding his hand out as i hand him the money.He hands you a bag full of coke in a plastic baggy, along with the pills in its original container it was prescribed. “Ight,thanks man.Ill see you later next week!” I wave goodbye as I show myself out, shoving the ‘things’ I had bought into my bag and swinging it back on my back.

~Incoming call from:Bubbs<3

I instantly pick up not wanting to worry her.

I instantly hear the boys laughing and playing in the background,but wait for her to say something.”Hey baby, you heading back yet?” Kie questioned sounding bored of the childish boys we spend our time with.”Not yet,i promise im almost done,ask the boys if there's drinks at the chateau please.”She turns her head away from the boys asking what there is to drink besides sink water.

I hear a chorus of “We just stocked up”,”All good momma bird.” and other sayings coming from the overly hyper boys.”Did you hear that,or need me to repeat?” She hesitantly says, making sure I’m still listening ”Gotcha,I'm headed your way now,see you there” I say quickly hanging up without giving her time to respond.

I hop on my bike and drive towards…...the opposite of the chateau,instead deciding to go to the Camerons.I drive,stuck in thought of what ill do when i get there,not quite sure why i decided to come.I had been so lost in thought I didn’t realise I was suddenly at the Cameron residence. I park my bike and began walking up to the door,but before I can knock,Rafe walks up behind me.

“Y/n?” I swiftly turn around being scared for a minute before realizing who it was.”Oh!uhm. yeah...hey” I ‘smoothly’ say”what are you doing here?” he asks..The whole conversation was a blur and before I knew it I was walking up to his room to hang out.I sit on the bed laying back asking about what he wants to do.”I don't know,you came here,what'd you have in mind?” He asked curiously.”I'm not sure.” I snorted at my inability to maintain a conversation.

I dig into my bag as he starts up about how he broke his bed frame the other day, because he put too many boxes on the bed while getting rid of some old things. I finally found what I was looking for,the baggy of white powder.I lifted it up smiling widely.”Can I do this here or no?”I question,feeling my body begin to sweat at the thought of getting to snort the white powder.

“Uh,I mean.. yea sure,didn't know you did that kind of thing.. but I mean go ahead.” He rambles. He stares into space as I do a few lines, my eyes opening wide at the sensation of sudden adrenaline;I look over to see him trying not to stare.”Oh my bad,You want some?” I ask holding up the dollar folded into a cylinder shape , gesturing to the lines of coke spread on the dresser.

---

Hours go by,giggling,cracking jokes with rafe as well as doing oxy and maybe overdoing it with the coke seeing as the bag was almost gone.Rafe hasn't done much.I on the other hand was feeling VERY shaky and everything was just so hilarious..until it wasnt.My high started to get bad and overall scary.I must've did too much in such a limited amount of time.I look at my phone .

17 missed calls from Bubbs<3

8 missed calls from John B:)

9 missed calls from Popey boi

11 missed calls from JJ

Incoming call from Bubbs<3

“He-h-hello ,hi,hey.”

“DON'T ‘HI’ ME!” Kie instantly began screaming into the phone making me move my face away from it as Rafe looked at me with a worried expression on his face.

“Y/n,Where have you been! I’ve been so worried! I’ve-” I Blanked out again not in the mood to be yelled at.”Yeah,hey I nee-need,will-can youcomeandpickme up” I say jumbling all my words together. “Are you okay?Why are you talking like that?''She ask worried about my state of mind.

“Yeah am- I fine,Yes” I say yet again struggling to sound normal. I guess I was on speaker because JJ immediately began yelling into the phone asking about where I was.”Rafes house” Rafe sat silently waiting for them to break out into hysterics about me being with him.The phone went silent for a moment before the call ended.”So does that mean they not-....Vodka” was all i said before heading downstairs Rafe was sober enough to be able to notice what i was doing.I quickly went downstair searching through the freezer.

“Yessss.”I exclaimed before chugging the vodka.”Rafe continuously asking me to give him the bottle.I chugg at least half the pint bottle before having to give it up because Sarah comes down the stairs.”Y/n what're you doing here?” She asks excitedly until she saw me tripping over my own feet walking towards her,”Woah!” she caught me just before I hit the floor.

She turned to the door hearing someone pull up.Kie.”Rafe what did you do to her?” Sarah asked, holding me up scared of how out of it I was.”SHE BROUGHT COKE HERE,i did a bit with her, but she did A LOT. I legit did nothing this time I swear on everything!”He trailed back up the stairs not caring about the situation now that Sarah was there to take care of you.

I began to sweat, tears running down my face. scared of what's happening to me.John b and Kie rush through the front doors asking where I am.”IN HERE GUYS!” Sarah screamed for them to hear her.My eyes rolling to the back of my head as I went in and out of consciousness.

“BABYYYY!!!” i exclaimed making grabby hands at Kie as i started crying harder

Sarah helped me stand up shakingly as I tried to walk to my girlfriend,She came running towards me with a concerned look on her face. She grabs my face pecking my lips,”Bub. I need you to listen to me, okay?” I nodd in awe of the gorgeous girl in front of me.”John B is gonna take you to the van,we need you to tell us everything you took to get in this state, okay?” I drowsily nodded,growing tired.

Just as she said,the tall boy picked me up bridal style carrying me out to the twinkie.

I take notice to seating arrangement so i can close my eyes and know whos talking ,JJ being in the passenger seat,Pope watching From the bench behind the driver's seat.Kie stepped up into the van sitting on the floor of the vehicle waiting for John B to place me down beside her.As he did I sat up enough to lean my back against her chest.

JJ was surprisingly silent.Too silent.Pope looked so worried at my sweating body and dripping wet hair from sweat,tears,and vodka mixture.”Okay,Y/n,What did you take?” my girlfriend sits grabbing my face turning me to face her, my legs straddling her thighs on the floor as I nuzzle my head into the crook of her neck,but she pushes my head up making me pout but not being able to maintain due to the dizziness. “I took a few oxy,uhm when I -then i did a few lines of coke,and…..i chugged half a pint of vodka..” i said tears filling my eyes trying to not look into anyone's eyes,

Silent JJ was no more .”Are you fucking kidding me.Y/n Y/m/n Y/l/n.You’re not supposed to take oxy and drink alcohol together.much less do oxy or coke at all.ARE YOU DUMB!” JJ began turning around. A Quiet ‘im sorry’ came from my mouth.John B finally pulled into the chateau.

Kie carried me while my face stayed nuzzled in her neck still crying due to my,still,VERY high state.she sat me down on the couch out on the porch as everyone except her,went to get a few things.Pope came back with water and a wet rag to place on my head.JJ brought a blanket,John B came back empty handed because he only went inside to pee.

“Kie?” I whispered scared she was mad.”Yes baby?”

“Are you mad at me?” I questioned hiding my face in her shoulder due to the amount of dizziness being insured. She leaned her head on mine with an unknown amount of emotions,not quite sure of how to fully answer. “No I- I just don’t know what you were thinking I just- Well I figured you wouldn’t ever do anything like this considering what we talked about-and -and what you went through with your parents..”

“I know-I wanted to feel better tho..I just feel like i have no one-”

Shortly realising the guys were still in on the conversation as Pope cut in.

“Y/n, you have,and always will have us..” I lift my head from the girls shoulder before slowly looking at Pope in his sad worried eyes.

“I guess, I like-I dont know guys what you want me to say..Im trying to be better for myself for everybody,but nothing was working and i ran into barry one day and we talked and he offered a way to help,of course i was hesitant but its really not that bad...Im actually fine!” I said standing up as John b followed me.

“y/n, you were just saying you need help,so what the fuck are we supposed to do ,one minute you need help and having to be ushered here so you dont die! And-and-the next thing you’re yelling at us about how your fine,you’re not fine and you know it!” I stopped as I watched the long haired boy fight back tears trying to explain how all of them feel.

“Fuck you guys honestly,Im not a child i know how i feel,this is all just bullshit!” I yelled at them all, I ran to the spare bedroom covered in sweat,tears,and vodka; I slowly sink into the bed as tears fall down my face crying myself to sleep,what i didn’t know was that my bestfriend’s and girlfriend were all huddled up outside the door awaiting me to fall asleep so that they could come in and cuddle me to make me feel better.Sometimes things get better, but i dont think this is one of those times atleast for now anyway..

#outerbanks x reader #pogues x reader #pogues imagine #kie x reader #kie imagines #depression #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank imagine #jj maybanks smut #john b x reader #john b routledge #sarah cameron x reader #pope x reader #madison bailey #madison bailey x reader #rudy pancow x reader

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free-pool-trash · 4 years

Text

folklore - isaac lahey {5/?}

hey! this part is honestly mostly angst? like i think the start of it is ok but the rest is angsty as hell, because pre-bite isaac <333

mostly isaac/reader in this chapter and a little Derek towards the end, also peter but mans can’t talk yet so idk if he counts?

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!! reblogs and comments are so appreciated <3

word count: 4k

warnings: blood, sad thoughts, reader being sad, isaac being sad, mentions of abuse, swearing

FOLKLORE MASTERLIST

Taglist: @makeusfreefromthisfandom, @cece-lives-here, @chocolate-raspberries, @belsandthings, @dancing-tacos-23, @truly-dionysus, @britty443, @tanyaherondale, @furiouspockettoad, @yunsh-17, @random-thoughts-003, @gloomybrieyxb, @futuristicslimemongerbanana, @linkpk88, @big-galaxy-chaos, @im-a-stranger-thing, @riaisnotcool let me know if you’d like to be added <3

The lights in his room were dim as they always were when you walked in. It’d been nearly two weeks since you’d last visited Peter, between becoming a vampire and trying not to get in a fist fight with Derek every five minutes you hadn’t had the time or energy to visit your favourite Hale.

When your eyes fell on him a strange feeling settled over your chest, you couldn’t quite put your finger on the sensation but if you had to describe it in one word; unsettling. It didn’t deter you from sitting in front of the man the feeling was coming from, though. If you were trapped in your own body you’d probably feel a little unsettled too.

Not wanting to waste anymore time you sat down in your usual seat across from Peter, shaking the feeling off as best you could before giving him a pleased smile, “Long time no see. I’ve got so much to tell you…” You trailed off, shaking your head when you caught yourself waiting for him to reply.

“First of all I got attacked by a werewolf which sucked and now I’m a vampire which, coincidentally, also requires a lot of sucking.” Silence.

“And I made some new friends, which is cool- Isaac got a little jealous but it’s fine, I handled it. I feel bad keeping him in the dark about all of this but I just want to keep him safe y’know?” Of course you received no answer, opting to continue filling Peter in despite his usual lack of response.

“Your nephew has been driving me crazy, by the way.” You informed him, letting out a grunt at the thought of how annoying Derek had been over the last few days, “He’s got this tough guy thing going on, I think it’s just to psych Scott out honestly, which is fine! But it’s the fact that he’s keeping it up with me as if I haven’t known him for seventeen years!”

If Peter had control over his body you knew he would’ve laughed at your annoyance towards his nephew, he always had. Whenever Derek teased you growing up, it was always Peter that you’d go running to.

“Uncle Peter!” The man sighed at the sound of your shrill voice, closing the book he’d been reading out on the porch as you ran up to him with an angry pout on your face.

“What’s up, kiddo?” He asked, opening his arms as you threw yourself into them. You let out a puff of air, settling yourself on Peter’s knee as he sat on the porch steps. “Derek said that because I’m only six I can’t play basketball with him and his friends!” You whined.

Peter only scoffed, his arms pulling you close as he raised an eyebrow, “Don’t worry, sweetheart. They’re idiots, each and every one of them.”

There was always something about uncle Peter, he had a certain tone of voice that made anything he spoke sound like gospel. If Peter said it, you believed it. That was just how it was, thinking about it now you figured that your attachment and high level of trust in Peter probably had something to do with the fact that he’d practically initiated you into his pack when you were so young. Truth be told, he was the hardest loss of the Hale’s for you to come to terms with because even though he hadn’t died he’d still been lost.

You twiddled with your fingers as your thoughts began to wander, getting the hang of heightened emotions wasn’t so easy now that you were sat in front of Peter, or what was left of him. You hadn’t noticed the tears that had built up in your eyes until they began to sneak down your cheeks, slipping down your chin and coating your neck with their salty stream.

All you could do was imagine that he was more than an empty shell, that he was himself and listening intently, that he was just waiting for you to finish before he offered his sage advice.

“I really wish you could tell me how to handle all of this.” You sniffled out, pressure in your chest growing as, for once, it was the weight of your own emotions weighing it down.

Since being turned you hadn’t gotten a chance to stop and breathe or really even think about what was happening to you, living in a constant state of confusion, fear and loss.

“I just feel… so lonely that I can hardly breathe sometimes-“ Your breath hitching stopped your confession in its tracks while your tears continued to fall freely down your face, there was no point in trying to wipe them away- you’d broken the dam.

Your watering eyes focused on the ceiling as you poured your heart out to the man who was essentially your second father, despite the fact he was more or less completely unresponsive you still couldn’t bring yourself to meet his empty gaze.

“Nobody knows what I am, really. And it’s like I’m all on my own and nobody knows how to help me or- or anything!” Eventually you met his eyes and it was then that your feeling of sorrow grew considerably bigger, the pang in your heart sinking all the way down to the pit of your stomach as a new layer of tears replaced the ones that had just fallen down your cheeks.

“I’ve upset you.” You stated, heart racing at the fact you’d managed to upset Peter Hale himself.

Quickly you wiped your tears away, your face was still wet as you took a deep breath, shaking away the feeling that was eating you up. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be crying I just- I really need someone to talk to, you know? Usually I’d go and rant to Isaac but I can’t tell him anything and it’s killing me but everyone told me not to and I also told myself not to… it’s a mess. I’m just so lost.”

Peter, as usual remained quiet, but there was something in his eyes- it was quick and barely there but you’d seen it. They’d flashed red.

After you composed yourself, you left Peter’s room and made your way to school, you’d woken up early to visit Peter.

As soon as you entered the building your feet moved quickly towards your locker, you sorted your books out as fast as you could before making your way to Isaac’s locker. Your meeting with Peter had shaken you up and honestly, in the moment, you just needed your best friend.

As usual when you arrived by Isaac’s side you alerted him by gently tugging on his sleeve, you didn’t know why but he was extremely nervous, to the point where you felt your own stomach beginning to turn. Even though you’d sought him out for your own comfort you discarded that plan as soon as you met his eyes, he needed to be comforted more than you did right now.

“What’s wrong?” You immediately blurted out, grabbing his free hand that hung by his side unlike the other that held his locker door open, knuckles turning white from how tightly he clung to the metal door.

Isaac only shook his head, he gave you the smile that he always gave you, the one that screamed “please don’t worry about me” but you knew better than to believe that smile because as gorgeous as it is, it’s fake.

“I’m okay, don’t worry.” He squeezed your hand in an effort to deter you, but yet again, you knew better.

Letting your eyes roll, you furrowed your brows, “Seriously, tell me what’s bothering you.” You demand not missing the defeated look that fell on his face when he hung his head, brown curls falling over his eyes, “Nothing, (Y/n). Just the parent teacher conferences are happening tonight…” He trailed off as he shuffled his feet.

The realization of why he was so nervous about it hit you like a ton of bricks and you didn’t care who was watching when you threw your arms around his shoulders, pulling him into you with a sigh. “How is it gonna go?” You asked, already knowing the answer would be: not well.

Isaac’s arms held you against him tightly, stabilizing you as you had to stand on your tiptoes to get a good grip around his shoulders, ever since he’d had his growth spurt when you were both thirteen if you wanted to hug him properly you’d always need to get on your tiptoes. He wouldn’t lie though, he thought it was the cutest thing.

“I’ve got a C minus in Chem.” He muttered against your neck, tightening his grip on you for dear life, you both knew Mr Lahey wouldn’t be pleased.

With a little grin, in an attempt to lighten the mood you pulled your head back to look your best friend in the eyes, “Should we dip? Run away? Move to France?” The question was made with humor but you were really considering the thought of just dragging him out of the school’s double doors and flying away to somewhere sunny where the pair of you wouldn’t have to deal with any of the shit you have to deal with in Beacon Hills.

Isaac gave you a sad smile, connecting his lips to your forehead quickly with rosy cheeks before disconnecting from you, “I think that would probably make things worse.”

Before you could respond Isaac shut his locker and spoke again, “Anyway, what had you so upset a few minutes ago?”

Deciding that today wasn’t the best day to confide in him you simply offered him a sad smile and weak explanation.

“Just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Wanted a hug.” Isaac let out an airy laugh, tilting his head to the side with a smile.

He beckoned you in for a side hug, “Get in here.” Immediately you obliged, attaching yourself to the boy’s side as the pair of you walked towards your first class of the day.

All you hoped was that his anxiety didn’t get the better of him today or later on when his father confronted him, so, as any good friend with supernatural abilities would, before you parted ways you made sure to transfer some much needed relaxation onto the boy who was positively teeming with fear. For now, it was all you could do for him without exposing yourself, you prayed it was enough.

As the day drew on your mind drifted from your conversation with Peter to your conversation with Isaac constantly. Understandably. You needed to get on top of your heightened emotions and you needed to do it fast, because to put it simply; you were drowning.

But like you mentioned to Peter, nobody knew anything about anything, not even Deaton could tell you how to gain control or even tell you the full extent of your capabilities. The loneliness was what hit the most. It was that empty, distant, ever-sinking feeling that was slowly but surely swallowing you whole. Scott had Derek, not to mention Stiles, to help him figure out everything he needed to know, an experienced wolf and a loyal best friend to walk him through everything, to support him, to keep him grounded, to tell him the dos and don’ts of being a wolf.

What did you have? An unwavering loyalty to a member of a pack who was barely even alive? Half baked theories from books of lore that your parents managed to dig up from some dusty corner of the attic? Derek who spent all of his time focused on Scott despite a member of his own pack being in obvious distress? A best friend you can’t confide in because he’s just as broken as you are? It didn’t seem fair.

The bite turned you to a vampire instead of a wolf, every night you wondered why you’d taken this form when seemingly nobody else had ever been turned by wolf bite, the conclusion you’d come to was that it was just some sick karmic joke. A test of endurance that you weren’t sure if you were going to pass. The universe spotted you- hand picked you as it’s favourite love-sick, hopeless romantic with a heart too big for her body and with a soul that felt emotions as vast and deep as the ocean. It chose you, but the gag was you never wanted it to be you. For once, you wished someone else had won the prize that felt more like a curse.

It was all too much. You felt too deeply. Every emotion consumed you, every sound vibrated like bass from a speaker, every touch sparked like static and every beating heart made you hungry. But every time you even so much as pondered simply giving in to the feelings, of letting go of that rope that seemed to be holding your empathy close and letting it fall away, every time you entertained those thoughts that voice, from the first night, would ring through your skull and echo until you agreed to the words being spoken by the oh so familiar voice. Don’t let it kill you.

Scott had been nowhere to be seen all day, nor had Allison, it was only when you’d spotted Stiles sitting alone at lunch that you’d realized that the wolf and his girlfriend probably ditched.

The final bell eventually signaled the end of the school day, solemnly you walked alongside Isaac towards the doors of the school, stomach twisting with anxiety knowing that the next time you’d be seeing him he’d more than likely be barring a new bruise or emotional scar.

“Can I drive you home?” You asked, hoping he’d say yes but understanding when he shook his head no, “I cycled here, I’ll take my bike. Thank you though.”

You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, looking at him with worry clear on your face, it was all you could focus on and you were half sure he could feel it too, your efforts of masking it failing.

Isaac could feel the worry seeping off you, but even before you’d turned he always had a knack from knowing when something was on your mind. He knew all your tells, when you were worrying about something you’d bite your lip and furrow your eyebrows, when you were upset you’d wring your hands together or play with your fingers, he knew how you were feeling whenever you were feeling it purely because of the mannerisms you used when you were around him. It’s how he knew that you’ve been hiding something from him since you’d been attacked, the boy didn’t know what it was but he saw it weighing you down, he was determined to get to the bottom of it so he could be there for you. He let out a heavy sigh when he realized in the moment that the roles were reversed and with the way you gazed at him he knew you wanted to be there for him, like you always were.

“I’m gonna be okay, nothing that hasn’t happened before.” He finally spoke in an attempt to reassure you that there was nothing to worry about but his statement only served to upset you more and he silently cursed himself as he watched the corners of your lips sink downward. “It shouldn’t happen ever.” You told him softly, trying your very best to keep your composure when you heard your voice crack.

Glancing around quickly, Isaac grabbed your wrist and tugged you towards your car, knowing how much you hated getting upset in front of people he took the initiative to carry on the conversation in the confines of your car away from the rest of the prying students.

Once you were both situated in the front seats, Isaac spoke up, “I know that you hate seeing me hurt, I know it shouldn’t be like this but it is. I’ll survive, you need to stop worrying about me so much, (N/n).”

“You don’t deserve this.” You muttered, sorrow dripping from each word.

“(Y/n)-“

“No Isaac! You don’t deserve to be treated like this! Every time I see you hurt it makes me so fucking angry because when you tell me what happened you say it as though you had it coming! But you never do, you never have it coming!” The words left your mouth in a high pitched string of cries as Isaac simply lowered his gaze to his lap, hating how your voice shook in agony for him.

With every word you spoke you became more and more worked up, tears trickling down your face freely now that all the cars in the parking lot were more or less gone. “And every single time I wish I could do more for you- I wish that I could make you see what I see.” Your confession was fragile, the words barely audible as they passed your lips.

Isaac lifted his head, his own eyes welling up, “You have no idea how much you do for me so don’t think like that.” He demanded, his tone far more assertive than you’d ever known it to be.

His hand met your face, gently but quickly, his palm cupping your cheek while his thumb brushed away your tears. For a second, you closed your eyes, imagining the feeling of his hand cupping your cheek happening under better circumstances before reconnecting your eyes with his.

“I’m gonna go home.” He told you, sad smile on his lips as you shook your head, gripping the wrist of the hand he still had placed on your cheek desperately. “Stay.”

“I’ll come over to yours tonight ok? But you have to let me leave.” When you didn’t move, he sighed and pulled his hand away from you himself, trying not to wince at the hurt look on your face.

Your best friend opened the car door and stepped out, leaning in with an arm resting against the top of the door with a look on his face that you couldn’t pinpoint, that feeling had returned to your chest though, the light and flowy one. “Love you, kid.” His lips formed a cheeky grin when the nickname caused you to smile, he hadn’t rubbed the fact he was two months older than you in your face recently, you should’ve seen it coming. Finally allowing yourself to give him a weak smile you gave him an equally as weak, but still meaningful, “Love you too, idiot.” Before he shut the car door and made his way towards his bike.

To put the cherry on top of an already stressful day when you got home Derek was waiting at your dining table expectantly. The first words leaving his mouth being, “Where’s Scott?”

You rolled your eyes at him, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a blood bag out of your fridge, Stiles had been sweet enough to fill some bags for you since you were both still trying to work out the whole euphoric feeding situation, feeding on Stiles on a school night usually meant Stiles being completely away with the fairies the next morning and obviously you needed to feed during the week. Blood wasn’t as tasty cold but as weird as it was to admit, it still slapped.

Taking a sip from the small straw sticking out of the bag you raised an eyebrow at the wolf in front of you, “I dunno, Derek. Where’s my hello?”

“This is serious.” He growled, “So am I.” You rebutted, taking another sip as the man grew more irritable.

He didn’t answer, only growled at you, he was probably hoping you’d buy into his ridiculous power play. You didn’t, obviously.

Nonchalantly, you lifted yourself up onto the counter of the kitchen island, facing Derek and sipping your blood happily.

“Growl at me all you want, D. Scott might buy into your big bad wolf act but I remember when you used to watch Barbie movies with me every single day.” You told him matter of factly, “Things are different now. Scott needs my help.” At his statement your carefree demeanor faltered. You needed his help, but not once since you’d been bitten had the man you considered a brother offered you even a morsel of support but yet here he was in your home, asking for a beta he barely knows.

“If Scott was around today would you have come to see me?” You asked him, keeping your voice as steady as you could.

Derek shook his head as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “No, because I’m looking for Scott.”

Slowly you nodded your head, allowing his words to sink in. Today had been emotionally draining, sure, but you couldn’t find the strength within yourself to leave this alone.

“So where exactly am I on your supernatural list of priorities? Or am I even on it at all?” The question was harsher than you intended but Derek had a fairly hard head, if you wanted to get a point across you sometimes had to be a little less than gentle with the delivery.

The wolf groaned, head falling back in exhaustion, “Can we not do this right now?”

Slapping the now empty blood bag down beside you and crossing your arms, you glared, “Answer my question.”

He gave you a hard look, standing up from his seat in what you assumed was an attempt to intimidate you, “I’ll admit you’re not my top priority right now, alright? Scott needs me, you’ll be fine.” A humorless laugh left your lips as you jumped down from the counter, squaring up to the taller man before you with absolutely no fear.

“Are you sure about that, D? Cuz last time I checked, Scott has Allison and Stiles and Deaton and you telling him exactly what to do and when to do it. I have no one.” Derek bit his tongue, his jaw clenched and lips pursed before he gave you a response, “He needs all the help he can get. Your abilities aren’t as difficult to get the hang of as his are.”

“Oh yeah?” It was a challenge, not only had he managed to piss you off and upset you at the same time, he’d also managed to erase the pain of your own transition in favour of defending Scott.

Derek sighed, the voice in his head telling him to step down when he noticed your fists clenched tightly into balls against your side, “Look (Y/n)-“ He started before a gasp ripped from his throat when you arm gripped his.

The anger, the fear, the pain, the loneliness, the confusion, the weight that came from feeling everything all at once, you made him feel it all, not releasing your tight grip on his bicep until he’d looked down at you with tears glazing his eyes.

Roughly, you ripped you hand from his arm, purple eyes glowing as you stood chest to chest with him, “Maybe if you bothered to check up on me you’d know that my shift wasn’t easy, I don’t have the hang of my abilities and every single morning I wake up and think about how much easier my life would be if I just let them destroy me.” You were seething, Derek’s face was painted in shock as he stood at a loss for words.

“But hey! By all means go help Scott. What’s pack loyalty anyway?” Your words were seeped in venom and as soon as they left your mouth you took advantage of your enhanced speed, running from the room only leaving a gust of wind and an emotionally overwhelmed Derek in your wake.

#isaac lahey x reader #isaac lahey #teen wolf x reader #derek hale x reader #peter hale x reader #folklore i.l

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ssamie · 3 years

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twelve. “the moon looks beautiful tonight, doesn’t it?”

kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader

(bsd x hq)

tw: mentions of suicide

masterlist. suicide freak!

"kenma just this once please!!" y/n pleaded with a frown

"literally why?" kenma grumbled back.

they were currently seated by the stairway of the second-year building, five minutes away from being late to their next class, which was history. "because it's fun!" she reasoned "besides, you don't even listen to the lesson, you just play games under your desk"

"yeah, but it's not considered skipping classes" kenma sighed

"c'mon kenma, live a little!" she chuckled "then you can die with me afterwards."

kenma sighed but nodded in reluctance "fine, but please don't kill me" he said with a sigh

"huh? then how are we supposed to die?"

"the point is we're not going to."

after a little bit more convincing, and a very troublesome escape from the school grounds, they were finally on their way off. the pair was walking towards the same riverbank kenma found her on after disappearing

"ah, isn't this nice, kenma-kun?" she said with a content sigh. she was holding a box of apple pie, while kenma chomps on a slice. "the air is nice, the apple pie is nice, the bridge is kinda nice" she hummed

"did you know, this is where i found atsushi-kun on the brink of death from starvation!" she exclaimed with a bright smile

"i- what?"

"yes, that's right" she said "ah, good times~"

"i don't think you should consider that a good time" kenma sweat dropped "also, what's with you lately?" kenma asks her

"hm? what do you mean?" she responded with a raised brow "you've been kinda.. tamed?" he muttered as more of a question than a statement "like, usually your attempts would be more bizarre." he said with a shrug

kenma then reached out to grab another slice of the apple pie. that is, until his whole body shuddered. he looked up at her, looking like a shaken up kitten as he immediately shook his head.

"i don't mean that i want you to start going all crazy again!" he shrieked

she simply laughed, shaking her head as she sat down on the ground "well then i guess you're fulfilling your promise of keeping me alive, huh?" she mused

kenma blinked at her words and meekly nodded, a faint smile ghosting his lips "i guess.." he replied "anyways, what are we doing here?" he asks as he takes a seat next to her

"were here to slack off" she responded with a nonchalant grin "work is like, really stressful" she said with an exaggerated sigh

kenma simply furrowed his brows as he sent her a questioning look "but atsushi said you haven't done anything in like a week-"

"anyways, kenma." she cut him off "in return of making you skip class, i'll share some of my incredibly utile knowledge to you!" she announced cockily

"i don't think i need it.. nor do i want it" kenma deadpanned

"well, i'm gonna tell you anyways"

"but first, let me beat this level" she said with a cheeky grin as she snatches his PSP from his pocket. as she began to play, kenma simply watched her fingers click the buttons, silently watching as he nibbled on the apple pie

"now, as i was saying.." she muttered "my knowledge consists of the mafia and their history.."

"that's kind of relevant right?" she beamed with a small smile

"no, not really."

"alright! well, the mafia is kind of fun" she started out

"im gonna have to disagree." kenma sighed "it's the mafia, why would it be fun?"

"also, why are we talking about this anyway?" he rolled his eyes playfully at her

"because its literally all i know about" she chuckled "unless you wanna hear about how to dispose of dead bodies."

"no."

"okay. well, in this same spot we're sitting on, there have been at least.. like, maybe one or ten murders?" she cooed out with a small smile. kenma looked at her, face scrunching up as he picked himself up from the ground, holding his apple pie tightly as he walked away

"goodbye."

she laughed loudly as she watched him walk away, eyes darting from between the boy and the PSP in her hands "wait! kenma, im kidding!" she yelled out

"well, im actually not, but.. COME BACK!"

kenma sighed, looking back only to find her shuffling around with the device in her hands as she screams about losing.

"kenma you made me lose!" she groaned out. the pudding head simply sighed as he trudged back to her with an unamused look on his face

"well, whatever" she shrugged it off. she placed the PSP back in his pocket as she jumped up from the ground "you know what we should do?" she mused "we should steal a car and have a road trip!"

"no! are you crazy?" kenma let out an exasperated sigh

"i dunno about crazy, but i do know that kunikida-kun has a car and.." she trailed of with a suggesting smirk

(he prolly doesn't have a car i think, but go along w it 😋)

"were not gonna steal a car just to go on a road trip." kenma said to her

"really? i don't think that's the right response, kenma" she slumped out defeatedly

"we are NOT gonna steal a fucking car-"

"YOU STOLE THE FUCKING CAR?!" kenma rubbed his temples in distress as she stood proudly before him, holding the car keys with a grin

"yep!"

it has been fifteen minutes since she's disappeared, only to come back to announce that she had carnapped kunikida

"y/n, im pretty sure this is illegal." kenma sighed tiredly "do you even know how to drive?" he asked

"of course!" she said with an offended scoff "well..last time i drived, it ended in a crash" she mumbled sheepishly "but that's not gonna happen, i promise!"

kenma looked at her up and down, before shaking his head. "that doesn't sound very promising.."

"cmon, live a little!" she exclaimed as she unlocked the car doors

"i won't be able to if i die in a car crash, you understand that right?"

"that's even better!"

although despite his disputes, kenma ended up joining her anyways. now, he's seated in the passenger seat while y/n drives the car. music was softly playing through the speakers, though it was getting drowned out by kunikida's yelling, which was emitting through her phone

"oi! you bandage-covered brat, where the hell is my car?!" kunikida exclaimed

"stop with the names, kunikida-kun!" she whined out "and how dare you accuse me of such!" she exclaimed with a dramatic cry

kenma simply deadpanned at her as kunikida let out a deep breath from the other line

"i have very right to accuse you becauSE RANPO TOLD ME IN EXCHANGE OF A CHOCOLATE BAR!"

"AGH! BUT I MADE HIM PINKY PROMISE NOT TO SAY IN EXCHANGE OF A CHOCOLATE BAR TOO!"

she fake cried as kunikida continued on scolding her through the phone "now, now, kunikida-kun~" she cooed out "dont go screaming a lot, or else your vocal system gets messed up" she warned "they say you can cough your throat out."

"you- wait really?" kunikida asked in wonder

"i dunno" she responded nonchalantly

"STOP RIDICULING ME, BASTARD!" he exclaimed

"whatever.. there better not be any scratches or dents or i'll kill you myself" it was all he said before hanging up

she pocketed her phone and looked over at kenma, sending him a smile "that went well, won't you say so?"

"50/50" kenma responded "anyways, where are we going?" he asked her

"i don't know kenma, i've never done this before" she laughed softly "let's just drive around and stop for food once in a while" she said "let's just talk! preferably about our double suicide"

kenma laughed at her antics and nodded "okay, i'd like that."

in the end, they ended up roaming around the city. at some point they stopped by a wine shop to buy all of chuuya's favourite wine just to mess with him

chuuya did in fact come into the shop minutes later and had a fit.

by the time the sky got darker, kenma suggested going to a mcdonald's for some fries. but sadly, it ended with y/n flirting with the female cashiers, so he had to drag her away. they even stopped by a cliff to 'stargaze' but it ended with y/n trying to make them fall to their deaths, so that ended quite quickly.

now, they were back in the usual restaurant the agency goes to, having a light dinner.

"so, kenma-kun, how was our road trip?" she cooed out

"it was chaotic." he responded "but it was very fun, thanks for that y/n" he said with a smile

she smiled cockily as she sipped on her coffee, letting out a small chuckle as she does so. "heh, let's just hope kunikida-kun won't notice the scratches on his car"

kenma shifted nervously in his seat as he noticed kunikida leaning on the back of her seat, as well as atsushi listening in on their conversation.

"um y/n.." he said nervously, slyly pointing behind her, though she seemed to ignore him anyways

she snickered under her breath as she continued to talk. "there's so many scratches on the side! and-" she was cut off by kunikida's fist making contact with the side of her head, resulting in her falling off the seat

"y/n-san?!" atsushi called out with widened eyes

"what did you say, brat?" kunikida asked in a low tone as his tall figure loomed over her

"a-ah! what did i say?" she mused "i don't think i said anything, kunikida-kun! you must be hearing things!" she laughed sheepishly as she stood up straight once again "and why are you interrupting our dinner, hm?" she asked him

"shouldn't you be at work? tsk tsk tsk" she clisked her tounge as she shook her head disappointedly

kenma and atsushi froze in fear as kunikida seemed to have grew angrier by the second. veins popped out of his temple from agitation as he started strangling her, all while she still had that dumb and taunting smile on her face

"and who gave you, the poster child for sloth and irresponsibility, the right to say that to me?!" he yelled

"kunikida-san! don't kill her!" atsushi yelled out in panic "why not?! that's exactly what she wants!" kunikida exclaimed

"ehehehe- AGH!" she coughed out, wheezing slightly as he shook her around

after a quick minute of calming down, y/n was now back in her seat, facing kenma who was talking about a game he was currently playing "and this one is um- um.." kenma cut himself off, feeling himself grow anxious

his cat-like eyes look up to meet kunikida looking at him like a disappointed father "is something wrong?" he asked quietly

"i had trust in you, brat." kunikida said "i thought you were sensible enough to keep the maniac grounded."

"buT INSTEAD YOU BOTH HAD YOUR FUN CRASHING MY CAR AROUND-"

kunikida was cut short as y/n slammed her hand on his face and pushed him away with an innocent smile "now, now, kunikida-kun~" she cooed "kenma was talking about his new game, don't interrupt him!" she scolded him

"i don't care, you're paying me back" he said as he sent her a pointed glare. she simply laughed carelessly at that statement. though her laughter abruptly died down as she spun around to face atsushi.

"atsushi." she called out

"y-yeah?" atsushi replied hesitantly

"as your senior, i command you to pay the cost!" she exclaimed

"no! also, im older than you!" atsushi yelled at her

"oya~" she cooed tauntingly at him "but aren't i the one that saved your dying self months ago?!"

"and to think i believed we had a special bond" she sulked

"but y/n-san!!" atsushi panicked "I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!!"

"work it out~" she cooed as she ushered kenma out of the restaurant "we'll be going now~"

"are you really making me pay?!" atsushi shrieked

"bye-bye~"

"so what do you wanna do to end the night?" she asked him

they were currently walking around, basking in the moonlight while kenma talks himself up in his mind "um.. can we go back to the riverbank? like, by the bridge..?" he muttered quietly

"why? its already so late" she said

"just- can we just go?" he pleaded "... please?"

she looked at him and smiled, nodding along silently to his request. the walk to the bridge was quick and quiet. no one was speaking a word, only y/n humming under her breath and the sounds of cars passing by

the whole time, kenma was just screaming in his mind.

he was pondering over kuroo's oh-so-wise words. the suggestion to confess to her sounded more simpler at the moment. he's been preparing for it the whole day. but now that it was actually happening, he was honestly just considering jumping into oncoming traffic

"were here." she announced

kenma jolted, sporting a confused expression as he looked around their surroundings

"it seems you've been so lost in thought that you couldn't even tell we've arrived" she chuckled "so, what's on your mind, kenma?"

he didn't answer but simply watched her from his peripheral vision. she leaned on the metal railings, resting her hands on the bars as she looked down at the flowing water

the only light source they had was the moon, and the street lights littered around the bridge

"um.. it's just that-" he cut himself off with a deep breath

"that..?" she urged him further

"i- um-" he stammered nervously

kenma inhaled deeply through his nose before sighing. "i can't do this." he muttered

"what is it?" she asked worriedly "are you okay??"

"is it cause you wanna die with me? are you agreeing to the double-"

"t-thE MOON LOOKS BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT DOESN'T IT?!"

"i- why are you screaming?"

"fuck it. i like you, okay?"

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nightowlfandom · 3 years

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Anime! Fictional! BTS x Real World! Reader- Welcome To My World~ Episode 1

HEY HEY! IM SO EXCITE! Btw who here plays BTS World? This is very loosely based off that.

I need to download it again tbh.

CHECKOUT MY MASTERLIST HERE!

Leggo!

...

What does it mean to escape? To get away. If it means leaving behind all you know, all you’ve been raised to know, all you’ve been led to believe, with just yourself and the clothes on your back. Scary, but thrilling. Terrifying, but inviting. Unbelievable, but definitely possible....

...

On a early Tuesday morning where the sun was barely grazing the orange sky, you sat by your windowsill. You were dreamily staring out into the halo that was a mixture of red and orange. The halo of greyish clouds matched your mood to a complete tee. The aesthetic beauty of nature wasn’t enough to make you smile or even blink twice, however. It was always like this though. Yet something about this scene made you go sour.

Releasing a sigh, you stepped away from the window, shutting the curtains. Another day, the same thing. All you could do was attempt to power through.

As you lazily pulled your shirt over your head, you had managed to dodge that annoying dog. The little brat wasn’t even yours, but your oh-so loving step-sister’s. He always had a affinity for making your room a hot mess. Only yours in particular.

“Get out of here you little-.” you chased the dog out of your room, slamming your door as it scurried off. “What did you screw up this time?” you curiously scanned the room. Everytime that little fluffy beast rammed his little head into your personal space, something would end up broken, ripped, shattered, or completely destroyed beyond repair.

You almost screamed when you saw a familiar book cover on the floor. You instantly dropped to your knees, praying to yourself that it wasn’t true. The cover had a pretty violent looking rip along with the first few pages.

Your absolute reason for waking up in the morning was tarnished. A signed cover of BTS Universe Issue #1. Probably your one and only favorite series on planet Earth. You gingerly picked up the book, trying to inspect it with hopes that the damage was minimal. As little as this was, you almost felt like crying. However there was no time, you needed to tape up the pages and fast! Who cares if you missed breakfast.

...

“Morning Y/N!” Your step-dad greeted you in the kitchen. “You were upstairs an awful long time, I was about to send your mother to see if you were still up playing that game of yours!” he smiled warmly.

“Thanks Mr. Chai.” you replied politely. “I’m sorry I’m so late.”

“You know...Y/N...you could call me Dad.” he set a plate down on the table. “I know I’m not your father, but I want to be the best father-figure for you because I know...you haven’t really had that.”

You had to stop yourself from saying anything else. You haven’t had the best parental relationship, and your new step-dad really was trying. Maybe it was just his daughter that drove you nuts.

“Thank you.” you replied, smiling. “...Dad.” you winked, making finger guns. “Geez! You made a lot of food for just the four of us”

“ Well you ain’t see muffin, yet!” he winked. “You and Nari have a busy day today. She auditioning and you, my friend....well I don’t know exactly what you have planned for the day.”

“I’ll tell you if we can skip the food related puns.” you sat down at the table. It was a rule that everyone waited for everyone else. Even though you had taken the extra time to repair your copy of BTS Universe, you had seemed to be the first person down the stairs. In all honesty, you were just going to hang out at the comic store until Nari called to tell you she was done.

“Hey now, Donut kill my vibe!” he continued, laughing. “I have a million more of these, come on. Don’t go bacon my heart, Y/N.”

“Good job Y/N, you’ve gotten him started.” You mom came down the stairs in her little blazer and pencil skirt. “Whatever will we do now.”

“He did it himself, the guy’s an animal! You married a wild child, mom.” you joked. “He might just be a serial killer.”

“Don’t you mean...cereal killer?” he held up a box of Raisin Bran to make his point. You could only shake your head as your mother and step-father laughed together. Food related humor so early in the morning had to mean today wasn’t going to be a horrible as it started, at least for you.

“WHERE ARE MY THIGH HIGH BOOTS!” you heard a screech from upstairs. “THEY BETTER NOT BE IN YOUR ROOM, Y/N!”

“...WHY WOULD I WANT TO WEAR YOUR SHOES!” you yelled back after taking in a deep breath. “NARI, IF I WANTED TO BREAK MY ANKLES, I’D HAUL MYSELF DOWN THE STAIRS.”

“When will you two get along?” your mom shook her head. “It’s been three years.”

“We don’t not get along.” You shook your head. “Not my fault she’s difficult.”

“I can think of a few times you’ve been difficult yourself, young lady.” you mother pointed a stern finger at you. “Like when you locked yourself in the room to read that silly cartoon of yours.”

“It’s not silly.” you defended yourself.

“Oh come on!” Nari’s voice voice could be heard alongside some loud footsteps. “I think it’s cute to be honest. Y/N here actually has a hobby besides stalking celebrities online.”

“Shut up, Nari.” you grumbled. “And keep your dog out of my room! He ruined my signed copy of BTS Universe!”

“Dorie got out again?” she seethed, looking annoyed. “I really have to put a bell on that dog.”

“Yeah.” you sighed, you bummed mood returning. Everyone knew just how much you loved that edition. You kept in in a super special display case, you cleaned the case every week, you kept your other issues on their own bookshelf along with your figurine and digital visual novel editions of the series. You were even on the buyer’s list for the special early anime release. You LOVED this series. Not even Nari dared to disrespect something as important as that, and she loved getting under your skin.

“I’m sure you’ll be able to find another one.” your mother set down a bowl of cereal in front of you along with a muffin. “Now eat, you have a big day today.”

“Yes mam.” you replied, helping yourself to some cereal.

“If you want, you can take a muffin or bagel with you.” your step dad said.

“Dad! I can’t, I have to be super focused remember? Breakfast will just slow me down!” Nari scoffed.

“Not having breakfast will make it even worse, dummy. Dude, you’re gonna pass out on stage.” you threw a tiny cereal piece at her. “Eat something.”

“I’ll eat later, I just have my eye on the prize and nothing is going to stop me.” Nari stood up determined.

“Will you at least eat some toast, crazy girl.” your mother said. “Y/N’s right, you need to at least have eaten something to calm your nerves. Y/N make sure Nari eats something before you two go your separate ways.”

“I’ll try, no promise.” you shrugged. “Nari, if you’re done, then get your stuff and let’s go.” You promptly finished your cereal and went to go back upstairs. “You got ten minutes.”

“What’s her deal?” you could hear Nari ask, followed by an sudden whispering of your mom stating exactly what she thought was wrong with you. Your bet was on ‘everything’.

You walked back into your room, grabbing your purse from your desk. You eyed your taped up issue of BTS Universe #1. There was no way you were going to find another issue like that, and that damned dog just treated it like a loved toy. You grabbed your phone and shoved it into your purse. You went over to where the issue was and placed it on your desk.

“NARI LET’S GO!” you shut the bedroom door behind you as you walked out the room.

...

You sped to a stop outside the building. Nari was shaking in her shoes. She seemed hesitant to even open the door.

“Call me when you’re finished so I can pick you up.” you said, getting ready to unlock the doors.

“You’re leaving me!?” Nari looked like she was about to explode.

“Hello?! It’s idol trainees only?” you raised an eyebrow. “I can’t go in there with you. Nari what’s the problem?”

“...Um...I’m nervous alright! I’m giving up almost everything and if I don’t get chosen...I’ll just prove my dad right. I need this.” she stared down at her hands. “I’m not used to being a reject. I don’t know how you-”

“You wanna leave here with two working legs, I suggest you don’t finished that sentence.” you cut her off. “I’m not a reject.”

“That’s not what I was gonna say. I’m saying I don’t know how you deal with nerves like this.” she looked like she was gonna pass out.

“...You just do.” you nudged her shoulder. “You just go for it and hope. Go for it.”

“...Okay, I’ll try.” she opened the door. “...Thank you.” she stood up. “I’ll call you when I’m all set.” she shut the door.

“I’ll literally be at the store around the corner.” you replied before driving off. You watched in the rear view as she took her sweet time going into the building.

...(Later on)

You trudged behind Nari as she ran through the door. She seemed happy, so that must have meant the audition went well.

“I’m gonna take a nap.” you called to your mom and step-dad. “See you guys at dinner!”

You didn’t wait for them to reply before you closed the door. As you walked over to your bed, you noticed a disc laying on your bed. Just a random DVD. The closer you got, the font on the front got clearer.

“BTS World?” It didn’t look familiar in the slightest. “It’s called BTS Universe, Nice try Nari.” you wrote it off as a stupid prank by your oh-so-loving Step-Sister. It was only then you realized Nari was with you all day.

You took another look at it, gently taking it in your hands. It looked like it was glowing.

Call it curiosity, but you needed to know.

Your laptop was sitting at the edge of the bed, so you put the disc in.

“State your name.” a voice came out of nowhere.

“What?” you looked around in shock. The voice sounded like it came from right behind you.

“Please state your name.” the female robotic voice repeated.

“Y/N.”

“Are you sure that you want Y/N as your name?”

“Um Yes?” you raised an eyebrow. You still didn’t know what the fuck was going on.

“Would you like to start a new game? You don’t appear to have any saved filed under the name Y/N.”

Maybe you were sleepier than you thought, but you ran with it. “Yes.”

“Starting new game....now”

Your screen began glowing a bright blue, a vivid, saturated blue. It was like your screen had turned into a flashlight.

“What the fu-” you suddenly stared at your hands, the very tips of your fingers turned pixelated. “MOM!!!” You tried to scream, only to have it come out in the form on an echo. You felt your feet leave the ground as tiny little pixels moved towards your computer. You could see the color draining from your walls, leaving everything white. It was like an earthquake ran through your room...only through your room.

Then...everything went dark.

...

(Why hello there...LET US PREPARE. I’m gonna go through with it this time, I swear on my bacon! The guys are coming next chappie!)

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dragqueenpentheus · 3 years

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Okay no one has to read this but i DO have to write it:

PYROC VS FATHER PAUL

Ya bitch needs an art break bc im getting angry about voices existing as i try to keep myself entertained. Today is NOT a god one for sinking into repetitive line work and that’s just about all i have on the table atm

SO! Im gunna do a little thinking about my little meow meows all fucked up by religion. Just a comparison for my sanity and interests. Pyroc is my baby i wrote him for the first time years ago. Five?????????? Whadda hell. Going on six.

ANYWAY john joined religion because of his trauma. His sister died and he felt lost. He was unmoored in this fishing village and looking for reason looking for hope. Hed had his heart broken and trying to make sense of tragedy on his own was totally beyond him. Thats why his interactions with riley in AA are SO good like. He knows that confusion and he knows the rhetoric that’s supposed to combat it. Only it dooesnt work for riley.

The same sort of thing happens for pyrc, only inverted. Loss urns him away from god and religion because its SO strong in his family and not only is he loosing trust in god, but his kin as well. He’s suspicious there’s mre they arent telling him, at the point of his fathers death. And he agrees to, on the surface, absolutely wholly throw himself in to being the second the family and the village need. But he’s keeping his treachery under wraps.

That’s one of the coolest things about father paul imo is like. That slow unraveling of what is. Frankly. An awful half assed plan, driven by fear and loneliness and desperation and dementia and love. Even VERY obvious things like. Taking down the newspaper photo of his young self ‘slip’ by him. I think, on some level, its DEEPLY intentional. He wants people to CHOOSE this. He wants people like bev. He wants people who see him and are in aw of him beating god. Of killing death. He wants to be worshiped and adored and for people to come to him willingly, no tragedy driving them to his arms.

Pyroc also wnats to be worshipped, but he ALSO wants to do the worshipping. He really longs for an element of almost????? But not quite??? Subjection?? He wants to be shown something and for a Great Voice to tell him, unquestioningly and unerringly that it is GOOD. Full stop. And then he wants to spend his life worshipping it. But this booko is an exploration of how….. no such thing exists. And more importantly no great voice exists either. There is nothing wholly good, nothing wholy evil. His lack of faith in himself once he becomes god is him starting to understand that as well. Thats on purpose baked into the lore. The starting point was ‘what if god was a position and in order to get promoted you had to be a murderer. No matter what’. He understands things are not wholly good, at that point. I onder how long it will be for him to realize they are not fully evil as well?

Bc pruitt does hm hm hm an interesting move. Where he takes something the narritve is very sure to communicate is EVIL no wiggle room just fact. Even if its driven by animal instinct its. Evil. And he makes it, not just good, but HOLY. And god i LOVEEEE that for him i ADOREEE that what a MOVE. Driven by desperation and dementia and relief and ‘if god saved me than maybe i can be good despite loving and sinning and maybe if i defeat god then i will be Thee Good’. SO sexy of him. Im really fascinated by his morality. He seems to have an understanding of the shades of grey in some respects??? But if he had a BETTER one with more forgiveness in his heart i feel like hed have left the church anyway after sarah was born??? Even if millie didnt ask him??? That might just be my own sensibilities creeping in but ….. like he culd have seen her on the weekends. He can do other jobs. Hes straight (??? Not totally convinced of this) he could have just dated her that makes me crazy. LIKE OBV HE HAD LINES HE THOUGHT THAT WOULD CROSS AND HE HAD INTERNALIZED THE CHURCH AND THE RULES AND SHE WAS MARRIED AND ECT ECT i know he couldnt have really but. Thye were straight. They coulda.

Im not gunna do fantasy homophobia bc i think its …………….. Boring. But i think some element of??? The vindlegaurd line MUST be passed along and for that particular rules must be applied. But thats also boring as hell :/ maybe i can work in my parthenogenesis lore?????????? I bet pyroc would love building that spell in any universe. That’s the sequal when he goes to magic university in helsin. But yeah i do like the concept that. Anyone can have a baby thru magic its just a time and energy commitment. Just a matter of wanting it enough together. Every baby is so deeply wanted and its mere existence is proof. Thats dope i love that. HMMM to be decided at a later date when im deeper into the story i think. I still havent figured out fully how and where and why orion is going to be invovled and if???? Pyroc and orion are even going to be romantic??????? Im torn im TORn…….

Thikns about john bonding w sarah over science and learning and starts wEEPING…. Like theres some surity beloved. Its just a matter of uncovering. I think sarah felt that same thirst for answers and hunted them differently. Her faith is in logic and science. I loveeee her god. Every scene w her and her dad absolutely RUIN me like!!!!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW LOVED SHE IS!!!!!! I hope at hte very end she saw the blood as the gesture of love it SO clearly was and not him trying to poison her. God i love that she spat it out. GOD. Thats about being gay, btw. Spits the religious offering that could save you across the gasoline soaked church floor like BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think we as a collective should talk about the possibiites around sarah/erin more. Bc their defiance combined would be. Earth SHATTERING for crockett.

In the future pyroc gets a kid. Ever since that campaign where Enemy ended up playing his daughter im like. How did i NOT know this idiot wanted nothing more in the entire world than to travel it with his daughter. I dont care how or why hes getting a kid. Hed be so doting and awful abut it. He would need orion as a co-parent for the kids self esteem to be normal levels. thINKS ABOUT PAUL GETTING TO RAISE SARAH AND JUST ABSOLUTELY GASSING HER UPPPPPPPP HANGING EVERY DOODLE SHE EVER MADE ON TEH FRIDGE. BOASTING ABOUT HER SCEINECE PROJECT OT ANYONE WITHIN EYESIGHT EVEN THOUGH ‘WE K N O W JOHNWE WERE ALL AT THE SCEINCE FAIR’!!!!!!!!!!! Let these fuck ups be doting fathers im fucking begging. That scene where paul is like. You take ccare of everyone on the island sarah. Its more than being a doctor. You comfort them.

HM HM comfort is such a thing for Miss Bitch like!! He sees it as a Good Thing. He tries to bring it for riley by asking to hold the AA meetings on island ((also manipulation. Obvously also manipulation. I wouldnt have bene shocked if he was slipping the vampire blood into the coffee every meeting either. But thats just a theory. A game theory.)) ANYWAY he sees comfort as hly. The church gave it to him when he needed it. The angel gave it to him in the cave. Feeling safe and warm is HIGH on his list of priorities and what makes him hand over respect.

I think pyroc has lived a very comfortable life in SO many ways, but in none he. Activly recognizes. A key part of his character arc his him…. Opening his eyes to the world around them. Seeing the privilege he has and being like. Wait. This isnt Right. We have to change thi. And when no one agrees ti shifts to I have to change this. With Violence. A little revolutionary <3 it only costs the life of his whole ass family

Thats more fun comparison ground like…… paul is SO much about I know whats right and there is a cost but i AM ignoring it. Like HE KNOOOOWSSSS he knooooows he just doesnt want o See. I’m not sure if im going to surprise yroc with the ……megadeath of. His whole family. Or if it’s a choice he has to activly make. I think a choice makes it more compelling, more layerd. It has to be in the moment though, becaus ei think thats. A key difference between them. Pyroc wouldnt do it.. hed just leave hed peace out and do what he could in small ways. But he wouldnt do his big stand off with god. Hed shrink his goals in order to not hurt his family. Out of love?? Intimidation?? Some instinct wihtin him that balks at the idea of disobedience??? I think even he doesnt know. But i LOVE john becaue he jsut decides to lie. He closes his eyes and says i am being stupid on purpose. I think thats PERHAPS more compelling than good guy coward pyroc BUT!!!!! Thats who he is rip to ths little man. Cant change him now hes a whole ass child in my head. The PLOT i can change. Him….. not without massive character development <3

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MM set my brain on FIRE!!!! Im so glad nano is coming up. I love sharpening pyroc against the comparison of other AMAZING characters. Father paul hill my beloved millstone <3 anyway sorry to anyone who reads this its literally me unhinging my jaw and emptying my brain out. I had to write stuff that wasn’t novel or fic. A little character time down and dirty. I wil NOT be editing this love and light to future me trying to decode this

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #pyroc #midnight mass

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snakeboistan · 4 years

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIOTA NAGISA

Thank you, Nagisa, for showing me that being kind and gentle doesn’t mean that you’re weak and also that the parts about you that you hate can be turned into your greatest weapon. You have been a role model for me for the past four years and I strive to be as wise and caring as you. Keep doing what you’re doing, you adorable little assassin, we’re all so very proud of you. 😍😊

Yes, I know that Nagisa’s birthday is during Summer break but shhhhh

(25 unread messages)

Akabane Karma: Hey there Nagi :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLUEBERRY! I can’t believe you are officially older than me. But don’t get your hopes up, just because you’re my elder, doesn’t mean that I will start listening to you. Just to show you how awesome I am, I decided to stay up late so that I can text you exactly at 00:00. But for real, I hope you have an awesome day and I promise to beat up anyone that ruins it for you ;) Nagisa, you are honestly the most amazing person I’ve ever met and you’re seriously like such a sweet and kind and honest and good person and I have no idea how someone as nice and forgiving as you ended up befriending someone as crazy and violent as me. You’re the only person who's never been scared of me and even though you hate violence you still stood by me and never tried to change me and you liked me for me. No one’s ever liked me without expecting me to change and I’ve never felt as comfortable being myself with someone as I have with you. Can’t wait to see you at school today - I got you a present. No I won’t tell you what it is and yes, you’ll definitely love it. See you soon.

Sugino Tomohito: Happy Birthday Nagisa! Hope that you have fun today! I just want to tell you that you are the best best friend that I could ever ask for and I am truly grateful for everything that you have done for me. When I first got kicked down to 3-E and was forced to leave the baseball club, I thought that it was all over but you came along and was the first person to actually sit down and listen to me and you offered to practice baseball with me and honestly, that really made my day. Dude, you are like this amazing blue ball of kindness and like seriously you are brilliant but you don’t nearly give yourself enough credit. I don’t know where you get your low self esteem from or what it is that makes you think that you are worth so little but I promise to remind you that you are cared for every single day until your next birthday and for the rest of your life. Okay, that probably sounded super weird but it’s early and my brain is like 60% baseball memes at this point. At first I hated losing my baseball friends and getting sent to this abandoned building on top of a death mountain but meeting you has made me realise that our crazy assassination classroom™ is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. From the day I’ve met you, you’ve been nothing but loyal and caring. You are the person I can talk and rant to and you’ll never judge me and you always know how to make you smile. And honestly, you are worth 1000 baseball teams. Don’t let your mother get you down. See you in class! Oh, BTW, my little brother says Hi.

Kayano Kaede: HIIIIII NAGISA! HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART! I got you a gift and I hope you like it and no it’s not pudding but you will be getting some cake from that cafe we visited over the weekend. It’s not easy being the new girl and ever since I’ve joined the class, you’ve been nothing but an awesome best friend and you have always been by my side since the day we decided to have matching hairstyles (which might I say looks so much better on you than it does on me - UNFAIR!) I hope the rest of the year is filled with pudding and happiness and sweets and smiles and everything else you love

Nakamura Rio: Happy birthday to our resident blueberry cinnamon roll! Have a wonderful day ‘Gisa. I’m sure you will when you see what I have in store for you ;). You are seriously the most mature, innocent, pure little bean I have ever met - and definitely the most fun person to play pranks on! Dont worry, as the birthday boy, you shall spend 24 hours completely prank free. Yes, yes I know, I’m the best classmate ever. Dont need to tell me something I already know, sweetie. See you later, my fellow English lover!

Maehara Hiroto: Yo, dude, Happy Birthday! Hope you have fun and enjoy what we’ve got in store for you (no hints!). Like seriously you are legit the most awesome person ever cause you’re so sweet and innocent and can turn into this super awesome secret badass whenever you want to. Youre like the class therapist/medic/person we can always rely on and you never complain when we drive you crazy (cause I know that we do). I’m super proud of you man. Never change Nagisa. See you at school. (BTW - We still up for karaoke next week?)

Isogai Yuuma: Happy birthday Nagisa! Hope you have a wonderful day! I can’t wait to see you in class later. When my siblings found out that it was your birthday, they insisted that they make you a card.You are an irreplaceable member of our class and I’m so happy that you are part of it. Seriously, if it wasn’t for you and your ability to calm people down and talk people out of doing whatever crazy idea they came up with, I’m pretty sure I would’ve lost my mind. You’re always smiling and always participate in class without complaining and you always see the best in everyone. Keep on doing what you do Nagisa, the world could use more people like you. ( Oh and come to the cafe later, I got an iced bun on the house for you)

Fuwa Yuzuki: AAAAAHHHHH HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAGISA! CONGRATULATIONS ON SUCCESSFULLY SURVIVING THIS LONG ON EARTH! OOHH IM SUPER EXCITED FOR YOU TO SEE WHAT I’VE GOT YOU! Thank you for always going along with and listening to my crazy anime/manga rants even when you have no idea whats going on. It’s so much fun hanging out with you cause youre chill and youre always up for anything and apart from Takabayshi you’re the person in the class that get my references the most. Youre an amazing main protagonist and you deserve all of the screentime and lines you get - heck even your own spin-off show. For someone who loves heroes so much, youre doing an amazing job of being one yourself. Youre the best Watson a Sherlock like me could ever ask for and a really good friend for this manga obsessed Otaku! Love you and see you later!

Kataoka Megu: Happy Birthday Nagisa. I hope that you enjoy the rest of the day. As someone whose job is to watch over our … interesting class, having you around makes everyone else bearable. I’m sure that if you aren’t here to keep the peace I would’ve murdered Okajima months ago. You have always been really respectful and kind and I appreciate having someone as hard-working and loyal as you in my class. I always enjoy having our talks about equal rights and you have always been like a little brother to me (honestly, I prefer you over my actual older brother). See you later and please continue to stay the way you are.

Okano Hinata: Hey there Nagisa. Happy Birthday! How’s it going, little dude! Hope you enjoy yourself and have lots of fun today. Thank you for being one of the only boys that I can actually stand. You are such an amazing person to have in the class and you’re amazing at being someone that we can all come to when we’re upset. Plus you let us brush your amazing godly hair (seriously I’m jealous at how nice it is). If any main campus kids try to ruin this special day - come to me and I’ll sort them right out :)

Kurahashi Hinano: HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAGISA! I HOPE YOU HAVE LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF FUN TODAY AND EVERY SINGLE DAY OF YOUR LIFE! CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU SO THAT I CAN GIVE YOU YOUR PRESENT IN PERSON AND THE BIGGEST BIRTHDAY HUG EVER! YOU ARE AN AMAZING PERSON AND I (AND EVERYONE ELSE) LOVE YOU SOO MUCH OKAY I HAVE TO GO NOW BUT BYEEEE

Kimura Masayoshi: Hey Nagisa! Happy Birthday! Can’t wait to see you at school!

Mimura Kouki: Happy Birthday Nagisa :) wish you the best :)

Yada Touka: Happy Birthday Nagisa! I hope you have a fun-filled day! You are a really sweet and nice person and I enjoy hanging around with you - especially when you join us girls on our girl trips to the mall. You’re like a little brother to me and I always feel comfortable when I’m with you. Love you and hope you have a nice day <3

Takabayashi Koutarou: Happy Birthday Nagisa. I hope that you enjoy yourself.

Hayami Rinka: Happy Birthday Nagisa

Okajima Taiga: Happy Birthday Nagisa. You are such an incredible person to have in the class. And thank you for always saving me from the girls when they get mad at me. Hope you have fun. I was going to give you some really cool magazines but when the girls figured it out they slapped me and said that they’d tie me up in the middle of the mountain and leave me there if I did so I’m just gonna give you something else that I made (with Sugaya’s help). I’ll show you it at school - I hope you like it.

Kanzaki Yukiko: Happy Birthday Nagisa. I hope you have a nice day and thank you for being such a good and reliable friend. See you at school.

Yoshida Taisei: Happy Birthday Nagisa! I’m so sorry for the grenade incident earlier and I am so happy Koro-Sensei saved you. Also like you are one tough guy, you know that right? Cause what happened with Takaoka, man you couldve beaten any of us up with your eyes closed any time. Stay awesome dude. See you at the mountain

Hara Sumire: Happy Birthday Nagisa. I’ve made some sushi just for you. I hope you like it. As your official unofficial mother, I hope you have fun today and I can’t wait to see you later.

Sugaya Sosuke: Happy Birthday Nagisa. Thank you for being around and seeing the good in all of us even when we don’t see it ourselves. You always know how to inspire us and you are going to be an awesome grown up when you’re older. You always appreciate everyone and you know exactly how to pick us up when we’re down. I hope you like your present (you’ll get it later)

Okuda Manami: Happy Birthday Nagisa! I hope you have a wonderful day today. I just want to say thank you for being my friend and always encouraging me and helping me. You always know how to cheer me up and include me. See you at school.

Chiba Ryuunosuke: Happy Birthday Nagisa

Hazama Kirara: Happy Birthday fellow literature lover. I really enjoy talking about gothic literature with you - your analysis of themes and context is always very insightful and interesting and I enjoy spending time with you. If you ever need to escape, you can always come to me. PS - my offer to curse your mother is still up.

Muramatsu Takuya: Happy Birthday Nagisa. Hope you have fun. I made you some ramen (don’t worry its not my dad’s recipe so you’ll be good)

Terasaka Ryouma: Sup Shiota, Happy Birthday. I just want to say that I’m really sorry for being an a**hole and treating you like a jerk - especially forcing you to wear that grenade at the beginning of the year. You’re really good at assassination and you’ve got some serious moves. I dont really know what to say but you can always hang out with my gang whenever you want.

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infinite-rabbits · 4 years

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Emergency: Please help

So this happened yesterday. I made a few posts of it here and was messing around on tumblr to distract myself from all of the stress, but now the seriousness of the situation is really hitting us.

My roommate and I are both out of work due to Corvid-19. We’re not sure if we’re getting paid for our time away and there isn’t much communication from our jobs. Yesterday we got hit hard enough from someone who was gunning it out of a parking lot that they totaled the car. I know this doesn’t look like a lot of damage, but apparently the frame is completely messed up and the insurance company is going to take the car and possibly give us enough to replace it??

The worst part about this is that we had barely enough money to last over the next two months being out of work. We had rent covered, food, and bills once we pooled our money together.

But now we have to loose a huge chunk of that money because he has to pay the deductible on the insurance.

So I’m going to do what I really wished I would never have to do. I have to ask for your help. Please, if you can donate anything at all, doesn’t matter how big or little it is, you can send it to me through my Ko-Fi: HERE Or you can IM me and I can give you the address my paypal is linked to. If you can’t donate, please please please just reblog this. The more people see it, the better.

Thank you for any help you can give, little or small, it means the world to us.

Full Story of what happened under the cut:

So uh... we ran out of bread last night and we're close to being out of PB&J. This morning we decided to go out and get some more because, well, it's hard to get ahold of because everyone's panicking and it's one of the main things in our diet right now. The roomie and I headed for Walmart, and while we were on a 2-lane road in the left lane, some douchenozzle shoves his way through the heavy traffic out of a parking-lot and rams us on my side. We weren't even going that fast. We were actually coming up to a stop-light, so my roomie was slowing down. He hit us hard enough to make us spin-out and do a full 180degree turn. The back passenger door was absolutely wrecked and I was lucky he didn't hit MY door, but because he hit my side, I'm really starting to hurt now. The back driver wheel hit the median while we spun and it actually hit so hard that it knocked the wheel itself off of the rim and scraped the metal. Somehow we didn't hit another car and we wound up in the right-hand lane completely turned around and facing the wrong direction. I was SO pissed that I got out of the car and screamed at the guy. Both of us were shaking and I was choking because when he hit us, some white stuff flew into the car and I breathed it in. Still kinda choking on it. (Found out later it was probably the stirofoam that was under his bumper.) I manage to kinda stop traffic enough for us to get the car out of the lane and into the parking lot beside us, after which we realized that we couldn't drive any further because of the wheel being messed up. He stayed in the median and called for someone while we called the cops and the insurance company. Then I noticed there was a damn kid in his car. She was like, 2-3 years old and didn't look like she'd been strapped in because she was just climbing from the back to the front seat to see what was going on. He sped through fucking traffic and t-boned us with a kid in the back seat. This whole time, he's over there refusing to come and talk to us until someone else shows up. Turns out, he needs a translator. That's fine. In our area we get a lot of tourists so I just assumed he wasn't from around here. I would have assumed his car was a rental if it hadn't been for the brand new paper license plate. They get their car into the parking lot too and his bumper is all but falling off. A lady shows up to take care of the kid, which seems fine. But then another guy shows up. Then another guy. And Grandma shows up too. For some reason the whole family shows up and are hanging around while we wait for the cop. Normally I wouldn't care, but being surrounded by this many people while I'm already anxious was a bit much for me and made me uncomfortable. I'd already called a friend and cried over the phone with her and being surrounded made me feel stressed. Finally the cop shows up, gets our stories and our information, then goes into his car for basically an hour to have to fill everything out and get it all in order. Luckily we just get given a sheet of paper with all of the information we need on it. Then he glances at them and says to us, "They're gonna be pissed." He wound up getting a ticket among who knows what else because of his reckless driving. The cop leaves and they're visibly angry. Then one of the guys who showed up approaches us. Something about him immediately rubbed me the wrong way, like I got a bad vibe from him. He asks us if we're alright, and I tell him no because our car's wrecked and I'm starting to hurt. Then he tries to get us to lie. Like the dude straight up look sat my roommate and says, "If they ask what happened, tell them--" I have NEVER cut someone off so fast before. I told him: " NO. If they ask, we are going to tell them EXACTLY what happened." And this douche has the NERVE to say: "Well next time you really shouldn't be going so fast. Then you can stop when something like this happens." Like, he's legit trying to turn this around to be my roomie's fault. Keep in mind: we were coming up to a stop light. We were actively slowing down. The speed limit in there is 45. My roomie couldn't have possibly been going more than 35 at the absolute most, and even that's pushing it. I just GLARE at this guy and say: "NO. Even the COP said WE HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY. HE hit US. You need to walk away." I'm... I'm tiny. I'm not even fully 5'6" and I'm sitting here in my stupid Jurassic Park tank top and hole-filled shorts just glaring daggers at this guy. Don't you dare come at me with your stupid scorpion gold chain necklace thinking you're all big and bad and thinking you're going to intimidate me when you're outright coming after my roommate. I'm a wuss when someone comes after ME and I'm by myself, but you put me in a room with people I care about and have someone go after them? All bets are off. Thankfully he just got pissed off and turned away. The whole family climbed into the back of their other van except for like two who went into the translator's car, and they all drove off. For like an hour. We were left sitting there trying to contact the insurance company again, making sure they got all of the files they needed, making sure they got their statements, and figuring out if it was getting towed tonight or not. Then the translator and one of the other guys show up and start messing with their van. First they back it up...and the bumper nearly completely falls off. Then they sit there for a few minutes and try to get it on. The guy driving it goes very slowly out of the parking lot, leaving his entire front in the right-hand lane for some reason while he's waiting to go and then finally does. The other guy on the other hand almost causes another accident. So he's behind a truck that's also waiting to turn out. When the truck goes to pull out, this dumbass SLAMS down on his gas, nearly rear-ends the truck, slams on his breaks, and then once the truck is out of the way, he zooms out of the parking lot without properly looking to make sure no one else is coming. I really don't understand it. But from the looks of things, they probably aren't going to be calling their own insurance company. The car wasn't even registered under the guy that rammed us. It was someone else's name of the same address. So he just wrecked someone else's newly bought car. All of it sucks, my roommate's car is totaled and we are gonna see if we're getting any money for it tomorrow, and I'm in pain so the insurance company is gonna have to send me a doctor over all of this. We're out $500 for the deductible and I'm.... honestly really frustrated. All of this because of Bread, Peanutbutter, and Jelly. Thankfully a friend of ours came to pick us up and also brought us those three things, but now the adrenaline is starting to wear off and I'm getting *really* tired. I'm going to get myself some coffee and try my best to focus on the one-shot I started before the crash just to keep myself awake for now. For the most part I was typing all of this here because it's a safe place to store the information in case I forget anything. But also I kinda wanted to let you guys know why I hadn't posted anything yet. I was saying I wanted to do one short-story a day and I fell behind yesterday because I was doing character-designs for one of the other stories. So I feel guilty falling behind today too. Even if I do have a good reason for it. Stay safe out there, everyone. It's getting really crazy.

#psa #emergency #money emergency #car accident #please help

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lgcbenji · 3 years

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A letter is found placed in the company locker of your muse. It’s been stuffed into an envelope with their name written on the front in rushed handwriting. However, the penmanship inside seems as if the author deliberately made an attempt to appear more legible. Some words here and there are scribbled out, indicative of second guesses. It’s been scrawled on a piece of Charmander stationary, but the words are a serious and sincere stream of consciousness.

Hey, Benji.

I don’t know how to even begin. I’ve been staring at the page trying to figure it out. My heart won’t stop pounding at the thought of opening myself up to you. I’m nervous. I’m sure you already can tell I have a hard time showing this side of me even though it’s been a few years. Affection isn’t something I show too much to you. Will my words be able to reach you like this? There’s this intense worry each thing I do will drive you further from me. I’m just a rock you dug out from the trash and found value in. But I think you see beauty in everything, don’t you? You are an artist. If you paint a dull rock with colors, it will start to come to life. Even if the rough skin means you need to go over it dozens of times.

I love you, too, man. It’s easier to write it down than to say it. You know how when you say a word or phrase so many times it starts to sound like it doesn’t mean anything anymore? It's like that. It’s never been that I don’t feel the same. I just can’t say it to you out loud and I’m really sorry for that. Maybe I’m wrong but I swear I could see the hurt in your eyes each time I shrugged off your kind words. I hope that makes sense. I’m going crazy trying to explain how I feel without feeling embarrassed. I know you. I know how you’ll be smiling by now and showing your dimples. I truthfully feel I don’t deserve you sometimes.

Don’t get any funny ideas, though. It’s not like I like you or anything.

From, Park Seojin.

he waited all day to read it in the comfort of his art studio. when he first sat down he was excited. that changed with the tone of seojin’s words. the message mentioned his smile, his dimples, yet, as benji’s eyes scrapped across the lines, they were flooded with tears. his dimples did show, in a troublesome frown, as his eyes jerked out water. he dropped the letter. he left it lying on the ground. he had no response. he had no words. his lips trembled. he got what he had been looking for for years. and now, seojin was gone, and benji was alone. he took his ten by twelve foot canvas, which he saved for a rainy day, and the tallest stool he had. he worked for ten hours, deep into the night and early into the morning of sunday, viciously tainting the wall. when he was not sweating, he was crying, and when he was not crying, he was passionately throwing more and more detail. he painted with fist fulls of love. he skipped dinner, he skipped breakfast, unable to rest at all. yet, his eyes did not bag, his face did not droop. he had never been so awake in his life. when he competed it, a day later, he still felt it somehow unfinished. it was gorgeous, it was seojin, and yet something was missing. it was nine in the morning when he laid on the studio floor to finally rest. when he felt ready, days later, he grabbed the nearest paper. he pulled it from a sketch book. he had no idea what to write, or how to write, but he just let his favorite paint pen wobble it’s way into words. “hi, seojin! i don’t know how to write this, either, i’ve never done it before. sorry for my bad korean. but i want to tell you that i love you. i love you a lot and i know you dont like it when i say it but its true its hard for me to not say it. ill try to not say it because i know its hard. ill try to write it more for you. anyway. im also sorry that i got you the presents i did. i wanted to try and get you things because i thought you would like them. im sorry i tried to tell you i love you. i said it all because i thought you would like the words and know what i mean. for a long time i wanted to know how to talk to you. i still want to know how to talk to you! and i think this is a good way. if youre comfortable talking about feelings like this, on paper, then i want to talk to you like this forever! im sorry i lost the letter you gave me. i think i stepped on it when i was making a mural of you. i am sorry. i know it is precious to you. ill make my butler help me find it? i didnt throw it away so it has to be somewhere… anyway. i love you a lot. i want to talk to you more. i want to write more letters to you. im really happy that this works! or i think it works. anyways, im happy that you can write anything you want to me! im happy that you can find a way to express yourself in a good way. i hope i understood. maybe i can show you the painting i made of you sometime haha. anyway, i really do like you, and thank you for being my friend. i think youre beautiful even if you dont, and it’s not just me. i see how your bandmates look at you, and your mom, and your siblings, even chan. he looks at you like youre the galaxy, because, to these people, you are. youre an outlier when you say that you think you are just a rock. and, hey, don’t be so mean to rocks next time, okay!!! i like rocks… you have seen pretty rocks, right? i see a lot. can we go hike and i can show you? anyway, i love you, i hope busan was fun! i wanted to drive to come see you. legacy said no. ㅜ.ㅜ tell me all about it when youre done reading this!!” he brought the letter directly to seojin’s mother’s house. he was open with her and told her about seojin leaving a letter for him, and so, he requested, that when she sees her son again, she give him the piece of sketch book paper as soon as he was safely home.

#( this is so friggin long happy b day tho boy ! )#✧ .・゜゜save #lgcseojin #submission

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definenormalifyoucan · 5 years

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Where We Started

It's been a while huh? I have no idea where this came from but I actually really love it. There's slight angst. Mutual pining. Very light language. This. Is. Not. Edited. Heavily. I apologize.

Pairing: Logicality/background prinxiety

Word count: 3128

Lets begin, shall we?

It started with a smile. Or maybe it was the way his eyes lit up when he talked on about constellations and planets. Maybe it was all the times he unexpectedly made clever puns.

Patton was always a sucker for puns and pretty eyes.

Without warning, with every fiber of his being, Patton fell. He remembers when he first realized. Logan had been reading in the common room in the mind palace, eyes dancing across the page while he gently held the book. It was on astronomy....or was it just Alice in Wonderland? Patton didn't remember.

What he did remember was walking into the room with a tray of cookies and just freezing. Logan was no different, but Patton had come to the realization in that moment that he wanted nothing more than to be in Logans arms. To hear his heart beat under his ear, feel the rise and fall of his chest. Patton blushed madly at his sudden realization and inadvertently stumbled over his own feet when he turned to escape the confrontation he knew would come if Logan saw his thoughts on his face. He fell into the doorjam with an oof, air escaping his lungs in a rush while he struggled to not drop any of the cookies.

Out of the corner of his eye, Patton had seen Logans head snap up. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern and he had opened his mouth, presumably to ask if Patton was alright. But he had already fled up the stairs with the cookies in hand and ready to die from either embarrassment or his suddenly weak legs.

Presently, Patton was laying like a starfish on Virgil's bed while the anxious side was thrown over his middle and scrolling aimlessly on his phone. They were both quiet for about an hour, the only sounds their breaths and the tapping noises coming from Virgils phone. Patton didn't know if he was grateful for it or wanted it to end.

It had been half a year since the emotional side had come to that fateful conclusion and he'd done....absolutely nothing about it. Besides making a complete fool of himself whenever he was near Lo. Patton groaned, nearly smacking his metaphorical son upside the head in attempts to clutch at his own hair. He was driving himself crazy, being at the core of Thomas's feelings meant he had more than enough for himself as well. Currently with the feeling of wanting being the most popular.

With a sigh, Virgil put his phone on the bedside table and sat up. With a knowing and pointed look he said "Pat, man, just tell him. You're going crazy thinking about all possibilities, leave the fantasies and theatrics to Ro."

He wasn't exactly wrong. Patton had had many a thought about what it'd be like to just....be with Logan. He dreamed up different scenarios, half the time just staring off into space daydreaming about made up dates and conversations with the logical side. He did feel a bit like Roman at this point, but to be fair the romantic side was obviously pining after the ever oblivious Virgil.

Knowing full well his face looked like a strawberry, Patton slid his hands from his head to rub at his cheeks before pulling himself to sit against the headboard. In this position, Patton and Virgils legs crossed. He focused on them while he collected his racing thoughts.

"Kiddo, I know I'm suppose to be the emotionally wise one between us sides, but it's easier helping someone else with their feelings. Ya know?" He closed his eyes, willing himself not to cry. "I love Lo, Virge. I love him. He's brilliant, and kind, awkwardly adorable. He's not the emotionless robot he says, but me? Im too emotional. He couldn't love me." Openeing his shining eyes, he turns them to Virgil. "I don't want him to pull away. What we have now....it's enough, even if I'm not." He looked away, tears tracking down his red face.

Virgil hated seeing Patton this upset. Instantly he was upset. He was pissed at Logan for making Pat even think he wasn't enough. At this moment, he mostly hated how oblivious Patton could be. With an annoyed growl Virgil pulled his legs out from Pat, careful not to hurt him.

As soon as his feet hit the floor, he started pacing and wound his arms behind his back. Ignoring the hurt look on Patton's face Virgil said, "Patton I'm telling you this because I love you and I hate seeing you cry--"

"You hate crying in general," Patton cut in with a pathetic sounding hiccup.

"Not the point. My point is this: you are an oblivious, lovable, goofball. Logan follows you around the kitchen like a fu--"

"Ahem"

"Freaking puppy. He gives you goo goo eyes when he thinks no ones looking. He's basically a statue when you smile at him. Or talk to him." He stopped pacing and faced the constantly red Pat. His eyes were wide and filled with disbelief at his words. "I'm pretty sure the feelings are mutual, Pat," Vigil deadpanned.

Patton was silent for a long moment. It was a hard idea to wrap his head around, but once he had he could feel a smile creep onto his face and couldn't help the hopeful joy that filled him. He lauched himself at his dark, strange son and started squealing. His giggles remained as Virgil peeled him off. They started planning how Patton was going to confess and he couldn't have felt more excited.

Little did the dynamic duo know, Logan had heard all of Patton's speech. He wasn't eavesdropping, per se. Virgil's door had been ajar slightly and he had happened passed it. Multiple times. Only after seeing Patton trudge gloomily in did he feel the need to wander back and forth between the kitchen and his room for this or that.

After hearing how Patton felt, hearing him sniffle and hiccup, he felt wretched. How could he have made the charming and cheerful side feel so low? He didn't deserve to have Patton's love.

Patton loved him.

This was also a concept he could not wrap his head around. After hearing how Patton felt he wasn't enough, preposterous, Logan set out to make things right. Even if it means I'll make a complete fool out of myself by doing so, he thought as he marched his way to his room.

Once there he paced for a long time, trying to figure out how he could make this right. Obviously he couldn't just tell Patton how he felt, he deserved more than a stuttered quick confession. Logan wouldn't doubt it if Patton rejected him on the spot after he made him feel as if he wasn't already more than enough.

With a frustrated sigh Logan threw himself into a chair. After carefully placing his glasses on his desk he held his head in his hands. Come on Logic, he thought bitterly, you're suppose to be smarter than this. What does someone like Patton even see in me?

Pattons description of him came tumbling around his head: Brilliant. Kind. Adorable.

At this moment he didn't feel like any of these things. He felt broken, slow, and horrid. Patton was such a precious and beautiful soul, more so than the others. Granted they all looked slightly similar as embodiments of Thomas's personality. They all had slight differences here in the mind palace, and Patton was the best of them.

Logan's mind took him back several months prior to this shocking revelation. He was reading Alice In Wonderland on the couch in the common room, the scent of cookies hung high in the air as Patton had just gotten them out of the oven to cool.

Logan had struggled to keep his eyes on his book while Patton twirled about the kitchen during his cookie making process. However afterwards, he could feel the heavy weight of eyes on him and could see the look of shock on Patton's face as he stood at the entrance of the room.

This was where Logan's downfall started, by simply one glance at Patton. Even without looking straight towards him, Logan was struck by how utterly beautiful he was.

Of course then Logan was doubting whether or not he had accidentally stated his thoughts aloud because Patton suddenly flushed and rammed straight into the doorframe. Logan opened his mouth to apologize for scaring Patton. To his astonishment he didn't even have time for that before Patton had launched himself, stumbling, up the stairs.

Because of this Logan was sure Patton hated the mere thought of Logan's affectionate emotions. But with what has recently come to light, he could not believe his luck. And yet....

With a sigh he dropped his hands to his sides and leaned back until his head rested on the backing of the chair. He could still smell the scent of the cookies from that day, still see how soft Patton had looked holding the tray of.....

Thats it, Logan thought. He leapt up and strided his way towards his door. He started once he realized the halls were dim. He didn't realize how long he had been preoccupied in his thoughts, but he didn't let the lateness deter him from his goal.

Quietly, he made his way down the stairs and towards the kitchen for what felt like the hundredth time that day. He slowed as he got nearer and heard music playing softly. Peaking in he suppressed a startled laugh at the sight before him.

Quickly pulling out his phone he recorded Roman doing what appeared to be a mating dance towards Virgil, only stopping out of courtesy once the started to kiss. He waited for them to be done just outside the kitchen. He wasn't really hiding, not really, but he was leaning against the wall just outside the light spilling from the doorway. At least he'd come out of this with either decent blackmail thanks to Roman's ridiculous dancing or something endearing to give them later down the line.

Once they vacated the kitchen, Logan pushed off the wall and set to work. He wasn't too gifted in the art of baking, but he could at least make a simple sugar cookie recipe with the help of google. At least he thought he could. But after four failed attempts at a recipe with the shortest ingredients list known to man, he was begging to lose hope.

He stood staring at the mess, fatigue setting in his eyes and doubt creeping up his spine. Then he remembered Patton's laugh, the way his smile seemed to brighten when Logan walked in the room, his relentless kindness towards everyone while expecting nothing in return. He deserved better and damn it Logan wanted to give him the world. Starting with these god damn cookies.

Finally, on attempt number six and as sunlight was filtering brightly through the window, Logan finally had a batch he was proud of. He materialized a clear bag with a light blue ribbon drawstring and carefully placed the cookies inside.

Logan cleaned up his mess in record time. Seeing as how Roman and Virgil had gone to bed so late, Logan doubted they'd be up for some time yet. Just the thought that he and Patton would be the only ones awake made him jittery and nervous. Instead of letting his thoughts take hold and race like he normally would, he settled for setting the cookies on the kitchen island and started a pot of coffee.

"Lo? Why are you--"

Logan had barely managed a sip from his mug before he heard Patton. Nearly spitting his coffee out, he whipped his head to the side to see Patton staring at the bag of cookies with curiosity. Logan knew this was going to be his only perfect opportunity. With determination he set his coffee mug down and turned fully towards Patton's stunned form.

Virgil had come up with the perfect plan to get Logan and Patton alone. He'd burst in to wherever Logan was and tell him that Patton had gotten hurt when he'd been with Roman on an "adventure". He'd lead him to Patton's room where Patton would be waiting with a jar of crofters and a powerpoint with all the reasons why he loved Logan. At the time, Patton had love the idea and finished the slides with ease.

But now he guessed it was all for nothing as he saw Logan looking far more attractive than anyone had the right to at eight o'clock in the morning. Logan had a look of determination that wasn't hindered by the blush working its way up his neck, and in turn Patton could feel his own face flushing.

Without realizing it, Patton had moved closer to Logan as if being drawn by a magnet. Only when he had to crane his head back a bit did he notice he had moved at all. Patton felt butterflies attack his stomach as he stared up at Logan, who was looking at him like he was the best thing ever.

Logan wanted nothing more than to pull Patton closer, but he needed to explain himself to him before he got that luxury. Grabbing the cookies without taking his eyes off Patton's and clearing his throat, he began try and explain the phenomena that was currently taking place in his heart courtesy of Patton.

"For months now, Patton, I've felt....so much. So much I'm not used to feeling. What I can only describe as adoration and happiness and longing fills every fiber of my being when I'm near you. When you smile, my heart flutters. When you laugh I want nothing more than to be the cause for it."

He paused to give Patton time to absorb the words. After a few long moments Patton opened his mouth as if to speak but closed it just as fast. This made Logan nervous, made him think he had imagined everything Patton had said in the first place. He pushed on nonetheless.

"Pat, I..." he took a deep breath. "You're amazing, and beautiful, and funny, and witty, smart, talented. You are everything good in the world and...I love you, Patton."

Logan didn't know how it happened, but suddenly he had his arms filled by Patton. Arms were wrapping around his neck tightly and a face was burrowing on his chest. Logan shuddered out a breath before clutching at Patton just as tightly around his middle.

"Lo, you're so sweet," Patton whispered. The words had gotten muffled by the fabric of his shirt and he had to strain his ears to hear him, but they warmed him regardless.

Patton looked up at Logan suddenly. "I love you, too, Logan," Pat said with tears going down his face and a wide smile.

Logan couldn't help it, he brought his hands up to gently cup Patton's face. Resting his forehead on the shorter side and feeling his breath come in short pants matching his own Logan asked in a breathy whisper, "...Can I kiss you?"

Patton stopped breathing for a moment before closing his and nodding. It came as a small thrill to feel Logan's mouth press gently on his. The kiss to Patton felt both too long and too short. It was sweet and slow and Patton could only curl his hands in Logans hair, desperately clinging to him while they kissed so sweetly.

Feeling a content sigh fall against his mouth made Logan's nerves fall away. He was kissing Patton. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think he'd have the privilege to hold Patton, to kiss him, to have his feeling reciprocated. Logan could feel every inch of himself on fire where he and Patton touched and he never thought he'd be so happy to burn.

Logan pulled his mouth away first, though god knew he wanted to keep kissing his Patton. He stared in awe at Patton's still-parted and slightly puffy lips. Logan had done that. He was still staring and already he was greedy for this sight again, thats how he knew Patton was going to kill him. What a way to go, Logan thought as he saw Patton open his eyes and grin wide.

Returning the smile, Logan cast his gaze downwards and spotted the bag of cookies still clutched in his hand. Clearing his throat and praying the cookies didnt get crushed during thr kiss, he presented them to Patton. "I, uh, ma-- ahem-- made these for you since I know how much you love to bake them for everyone else. I figured you deserved to have some made for you."

Patton was speechless. He was so touched as he grabbed the pretty bag filled with a dozen or so sugar cookies in symmetrical looking hearts. Opening the bag carefully and selecting a cookie even more carfully, Patton took a bite. The cookie itself was much like Logan himself, sweet and melted when it came in contact with his mouth. There was no real way Patton could describe how happy he was and how good the cookies were.

Tears in his eyes Patton said, "They're amazing, thank you so much Lo."

Logan, gaze soft and voice softer, suggested they have the day off to laze about and watch any movie Patton wanted. Patton agreed happily and waited on the couch eating his cookies while Logan finally changed into pajamas. To Logan's surprise, Patton chose Dr. Strange for them to start with. Little did he know Patton only chose it because he knew how much the logical side loved how they reasoned the seemingly impossible magic with science and made it seem so real.

They stayed there, a tangled heap of limbs and quick kisses, for several hours. Not even sparing a glance as Roman and Virgil came down the stairs holding hands since Logan accidentally showed Pat the video he took the night before, much to the other couples embarrassment. All was forgiven, however, once Ro and Virge saw how comfortable and happy Patton and Logan finally were. It helps Patton gave them each a cookie from delicious batch Logan had made.

Patton cuddled Logan as soon as the other pair retreated back up the stairs and soon fell alseep. Logan thought about where they started, how they fell in love at the same moment and realized how ridiculous they both were. Had they merely communicated how they felt they could have been doing this much sooner. Still, he wouldn't trade this moment for anything.

With a sleepy and content sigh Logan followed Patton to sleep with Ma Belle Evangeline from Princess And The Frog quiet coming from the television.

Taglist: @whatwashernameagain @lrnightingale @wujustyle412 @sassy-in-glasses @author-trash @patton-loves-coloring

Edit: The part where Logan catches Roman and Virgil in the kitchen refers to my other fic Sleepless Confessions (a prinxiety oneshot) and I'd like to give a thank you to @darude-sanderstorm for bestowing Roman's shuffle a "mating dance"

#mutual pining #light language #logically #prinxiety #slight angst #my story #i love this tbh #sander sides #oneshot

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satanfm · 4 years

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lux and ivy’s playlist @ivcsisms THINKING ABOUT A GIRL.

It’s 2 am and I’m thinking about the girl I have a crush on but she’s taken so I spend your night writing about her instead while wondering how it feels to make out with her.

the less i know the better by tame impala --- “someone said they left together i ran out the door to get her she was holding hands with trevor not the greatest feeling ever said, "pull yourself together you should try your luck with heather" then i heard they slept together oh, the less i know the better the less i know the better oh my love, can't you see yourself by my side no surprise when you're on his shoulder like every night oh my love, can't you see that you're on my mind don't suppose we could convince your lover to change his mind so goodbye she said, "it's not now or never wait ten years, we'll be together" i said, "better late than never just don't make me wait forever" don't make me wait forever.”

i kissed a girl and she kissed me by kid bloom --- “i get excited when you come round won't you try to make it right i know i've been waiting don't start with me baby i don't know don't sympathize lately let it go this time my heart can't take much more don't start with me baby i don't know.”

her heart isn’t beating for me by semi attractive boy --- “she's got the look of love out of her cheeks she doesn't seem the want to give it to me i've got the feeling that i could be setting her free she's got her eyes so wrong she's seeing my friend she doesn't see the love that i think it feel i got the feeling that her heart isn't beating for me.”

lovefool by no vacation --- “guess i was a fool for believing you. yeah the truth hurts more than a lie or two. more than a lie or two. door closes and you're gone. you left me hangin' on this love. for far too long.”

getting it on by the sales --- “what did you forget was something what did you get, what did you get a part of it was always there and i found out on the way, out of your heart.”

a million other things by pronoun --- “is this how it ends is this how it starts when you love somebody while they falling apart love somebody while they falling don't know where it leads don't know if you know when you keep on holding tight instead of letting go keep on holding tight instead of letting go but you gotta come home come back baby, come back first gotta come home first come back baby, even if it hurts cause there's a million other things we can do in the world.”

come on mess me up by cub sport --- “i found comfort, i fell in love with avoiding problems we were riding on smith street we were right on track i left it behind without sinking, they all said i wasn't thinking i found comfort, i fell in love with avoiding problems but i want this, you know i want this so come on, mess me up and you can break me if you'll still take me ruin me, if you'll let me be one of the ones you say you won't forget 'cause i want this, you know i want this.”

let it lie by morning tv --- “i wanna know why, i’m still crying i know its time to let it all lie i wanna be with you, i want for you to be with me but all of our ideals of ourselves they fall from a reality.”

you might be sleeping by jakob ogawa & clairo --- “baby, when you're near it's warm inside sometimes when you stare our hearts entwine and in the morning i'll be here you might be sleeping without a care and in the morning i'll be here you might be dreaming play with your hair.”

rivers bend by the doorbells --- “cut me open sew my wounds shut i wanna be yours truly meet me at the rivers bend i wanna feel what you feel i wanna lose when you lose i wanna cry with you i wanna smile when you smile.”

fool by frankie cosmos --- “your name is a triangle your heart is a square i'd love to see you way over there once i was happy you found it intriguing then you got to me left me bleeding you make me feel like a fool waiting for you you make me feel like a fool waiting for you.”

not my baby by alvvays --- “now that you're not my baby i'll go do whatever i want no need to turn around to see what's behind me i don't care and it's true, i've been checking out lately i go do whatever i want no need to turn around to see what's behind me i don't care because i'm really not there i'm really not there.”

dreaming by mac demarco --- “someday i'll find her and i'm still reminded maybe she's the best in dreams she's still the best i've seen dreamin' dreamin' dreamin' baby, i'm dreamin' out on her windowsill baby remember maybe i'm out of luck maybe it's running still dreamin' dreamin' dreamin' baby, i'm dreamin'.”

velvet sheets by goth babe --- “i've got my feelings on they've got a mind of their own can i call you now please won't you pick up the phone i need a face to touch mine is getting old where is my home im really feeling old, old, old some day soon i'll run with you.”

i’m never going to understand by elvis depressedly --- “trembling for forgiveness tiny calloused hands i'm never going to understand i will love you bunny as long as i can i'm never going to understand now me and your sickness forever hand in hand i'm never going to understand i can't love you bunny try as hard as i can i'm never going to understand.”

best friend by rex orange county --- “i should've stayed at home 'cause right now i see all these people that love me but i still feel alone can't help but check my phone i could've made you mine but no, it wasn't meant to be and see, i wasn't made for you and you weren't made for me though it seemed so easy.”

warned you by good morning --- “she looked to me, it's no surprise well i well i i could die but i warned you.”

lose it by swmrs --- “when we drove up the coast we had a soundtrack we made it feel like a film on a reel and our story didn't have a happy ending but it still sounded good despite the way i feel the last thing i want is another broken heart to drive me to the brink of crazy in the end i couldn't take it cuz i knew we wouldn't make it so come on, come on and tell me why'd you have to have such a damn good taste in music? ya if all my favorite songs make me think of you i'm gonna lose it.”

little uneasy by fazerdaze --- “we are young, so we untie we are young, we get tired walking on rooftops, feel so heavy i could never leave you if you let me try go on and let me try steady now, but falling slack stepping out, but falling back under-passing all your dreaming i'll admit feeling a little uneasy about you want to cut me out just one more take i'm still feeling my way.”

love song by bad luck --- “i spent 5 years nailing myself to a cross, that i destroyed overnight, through what we'll call "a talk", in a parking lot, in a town that would, later on become, where i lay my head with you. i'd say we all rise up from the dead here again and again. ooh, wouldn't you, say you do too, say you do too, say, "i'm like you", oh i like you, and in some time more, we'll be home somewhere else, with our dog and our children, but i'm in no rush, we have all our lives, we can just get high, and watch time pass by, then again there's nothing we can't do. and i think i'd be fine living life wanting to die with you.”

i wanna be your girlfriend by girl in red --- “i don't wanna be your friend i wanna kiss your lips i wanna kiss you until i lose my breath i don't wanna be your friend i wanna kiss your lips i wanna kiss you until i lose my breath oh hannah tell me something nice like flowers and blue skies oh hannah i will follow you home although my lips are blue and i'm cold.”

one last time by summer salt --- “baby girl when was it that you had decided you'd call it off and on you were just having fun with loving one last time still i'd catch you when the days through at my side passing by wishin' someday you'd make up your mind alone, alone again on valentine.”

why do i wait (when i know you have a lover) by the zolas --- “i can lose a day in a gothic maze. why do i wait when i know you've got a lover? barcelona crush half-capped in the sun. why do i wait when i know you've got a lover? the hands flail up in the clouds. i am their king with the chemical crown. why do i wait, do i pace a figure-eight ain't it easy to decide to go?”

talia by king princess --- “hey, my love i buried you a month or two ago i keep thinking that you're standing on my floor that you're waiting there for me hey, my love you've walked out a hundred times out of us supposed to know this time that you wouldn't call that you wouldn't come home but four drinks i'm wasted i can see you dancing, i can lay down next to you at the foot of my bed if i drink enough i can taste your lipstick, i can lay down next to you but it's all in my head if i drink enough i swear that i will wake up next to you.”

malibu by lucys --- “baby you see my love is ever changing like the candle light that keeps melting but that don't mean i'm over you like this rose i hold for you oh sweet girl you've made me blue time and time again i feel out of tune you wind me up and spin me round tear me up and tell me how baby i just want to make you mine and i die for a bit of your time oh love you’ve got me enticed … enticed.”

i want you by alex lahey --- “you're the kind of person who likes going to the movies alone you only drink cider and you're aching to move out of home i don't know much more about you but it seems to me that you're my kind i get so excited when i hear that you are coming 'round it used to surprise me when you'd say that you weren't homeward-bound i don't know much more about you but it seems to me that you do things that people only do when they think that they like me too i want you even when you're out of town even when we're up and down i want you even when i'm all alone even when we're on the phone i want you even though you'll never know from the day you said hello i want you.”

by your side by flatsound --- “see myself in a screen wasting days, counting weeks getting more familiar with how you speak while you're away from me but i don't want to say goodbye because it's safer when i'm by your side it's safer when i'm by your side i want to be near you like i'm meant to.”

yellow by pity party (girls club) --- “love is sick, but we could try. i really like, i really like the things you do to me. the things you do to me. love is sick, i really mean. i want you close, right next to me. love is dumb, but we could try. i really like, i really like the way you stare at me. the way you stare at me. love is yellow, i really mean. i want you close, to die with me.”

mixed up and confused by gromz --- “we used to be, part-time lovers, our hands underneath the covers. now you've got me all, mixed up and confused. i don't know what to do, you got me all yeah you got me all i'm just searching for a way out but instead i'm just going back to you and it hurts me to think that you've got it going on with other guys.”

a shitty love song by jye --- “roses are red, violets are blue and i think i'm in love with you making me blush every time that i'm with you roses are red, violets are blue and i think i'm in love with you making me blush every time that i'm with you something about you that make's me wanna light up inside it's to do with you eyes nothing you say or do is ever gonna change my mind cause i'm in love.”

i think you’re alright by jay som --- “when i wake up in the morning i'll make you some coffee we'll lay about and let the day pass i'll wipe your blood off the concrete take you to the party we'll drink until our brains black out and god, you're so pretty your smile's unforgiving i'll place it where nobody can find i'll play all your favorite songs and shake when the lights go off i'll hide us in the warm night oh, i think you're alright.”

hourglass by catfish & the bottlemen --- “you know when you're gone i struggle at night dreams of you fucking me all the time and i know your tied up and i know your phone's fucked i'm craving your calls like a soldier's wife i wanna bring you home myself bring you home myself come back, move in, mess my place chest infect me, waste my days 'cause i know you love to drive me up the wall i know you love to drive me up the wall.”

girls by girl in red --- “i've been hiding for so long these feelings, they're not gone could i tell anyone? afraid of what they'll say so i push them away i'm acting so strange they're so pretty it hurts i'm not talking 'bout boys i'm talking 'bout girls.”

mice by billie marten --- “i don't understand why most of the time i'm living my life all wrong i felt nothing at all the freedom of the fall my smile is on the backseat, the back wall watch me as i go and separate the ones that i am made to love and hate.”

the way you used to love me by diamond cafe --- “searching for your touch i've been feeling lonely i know that it's my fault honey i'm sorry nothing can compare to the way you used to love me to the way you used to love me i've been dreaming for somebody to hold me not just anybody it's you that i'm holding nothing can compare to the way you used to love me.”

soft by babygirl --- “i feel soft around you i feel soft around you comfortable and warm and far from any harm i’m lost without you a broken clock without you and when i pull away i’m begging you to stay oh you would swear i lost my mind, the things i do i know i’m hard to love sometimes but i’m soft around you i’d be a mess without you fucked up depressed without you life would be worthwhile and sometimes i’d still smile but just less without you i’m so obsessed about you i know i’m touch and go i’m yes and then i’m no no no no.”

i’ll be around by floor cry --- “just like a sad song on a rainy day just like a heartache that won't go away all i've ever known is feeling alone just like a treasure that i cannot reach i bring a cake but i can't have a piece now something has changed my life rearranged sleepless nights i don't get no time off still i can't get enough you fit my heart like a glove sleepy days my head's no longer hurting i'm not sure if it's working i think about you too much.”

yellow velvet by wydes --- “tired friend, wash out my eyes burn into my head that if the moon is never gonna make things better instead i'll ride away come back to yellow velvet days when all the cops would run away only diamonds for my baby girl only diamonds when i will afford them i've been in love before when i let you run away.”

valentine by suki waterhouse --- “guess it all goes somewhere unknown turn around and leave it all behind once again, i've drawn a line there must be a place where lost love overflows tell the truth that in my mind we were always on borrowed time is it just that it always goes to a place where love lost overflows? seems to me it's over i'll get used to it eventually over and over again, brutally it's just the way it's meant to be now your love's no good for me beneath my smile my thoughts run wild though i try my best, i can't forget my past so once again i send it on to the place where love lost overflows.”

make me your queen by declan mckenna --- “i know that i mean nothing to you, babe i've tried my best to keep these thoughts away oh, i've tried to speak but there's nothing left to say 'cause i mean nothing to you, babe i know that i mean nothing to you, dear if ever i stop by, you're never here and i don't mean shit, i know you've made that clear 'cause i mean nothing to you, dear so make me your queen.”

#∘ ⋰ ╏ ♡ ﹕𝒇𝒕 . ╰ 𝙞𝙫𝙮 . ◞#again #my brain? d e a d #y'all really expect anything less from me #also there's a few typos in the pictures but i'm too lazy too fix them #listen lux is a disaster n that's all you need to know

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freebooter4ever · 4 years

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my dad group texted my brother and i, highly unusual, and i think jordan was weirded out too cause his response was equally short and confused. on the list of things my little brother and i have never discussed, our dad’s relative interest or lack there of in our lives is pretty high. dad’s been messaging me since october, asking about stuff like where my next living plans are (which he has never done since i first moved out age eighteen), and i’ve only been vaguely responding to the point blank questions cause its just. so. weird. i think my grandpa’s death has shaken dad’s worldview a bit more than he’s been letting on.

he alienated my brother and i pretty much immediately after his secretive marriage to the bottle blonde rich bitch when i was 22. he kicked my brother out as soon as jordan turned 18, and when i discovered this by coming home one summer and seeing jordan wasnt in the house, i got so fucking mad that it was the first time i ever had a full out screaming match at my dad. and apparently this display of anger was when rich bitch decided she didn’t like me (probably valid, but also ironic because pretty much from birth it was known in my entire extended family that dad and i were almost identical personality wise, and both of us have tempers where we will not get mad at anything but frustration will build up and up until on the rare blue moon it boils over, and oh boy. watch out. those moments were the only times i was ever scared of my dad as a kid and i think it only happened twice in my entire life)(if she thinks im crazy when im angry, she should see my dad)

but i was crazy mad because while i was lucky enough to be put in therapy due to attempting to starve myself into non existence at age 13 (many many sessions of ‘family’ therapy with me in the center of a long couch silently trying to pretend i was invisible and my mom two feet away at one end and dad on the opposite end of the couch, and my mom doing all the talking, ranting and raving about how im starving myself to punish her. and then the therapist kicking both my parents out and trying to convince me to say a few words, and her finally getting me to realize that how my mom treated me was not normal and not something i needed to put up with if it made me sad and scared, and then the therapist realizing that i was still too sad and scared to confront it, and her and i coming up with a compromise where we would tell my mom that i was just ‘really attached’ to dad’s house and it wasnt that i was terrified of living with my mom or liked my dad better, it was that i just really liked living in one place instead of out of a suitcase and moving every week), and so had both the therapist and my dad supporting me when at fourteen i finally said enough was enough and demanded that my dad get full custody so i didnt have to spend every other week with my abusive mother anymore - while i got out of that situation, my brother didnt. i tried, he knew that it was my decision to live full time with dad and i made it clear he could do the same, but just as it was a given that i was identical to dad’s personality, my brother was identical to mom’s so i think he was more attached to her than i was. either way, he always refused and insisted on continuing to live between both of them. after i hit driving age, my dad transferred responsibility to me for shuttling my brother to and from my dad’s house to my mom’s apartment. dad’d lock himself in his room, or go to the gym, and i’d turn on an endless rotation of star wars movies for jordan and i to watch before i had to take him to his next week’s place (phantom menace was our favorite cause darth maul was just cool ok, dont judge).

anyway, the last day i ever stayed at my moms house, my brother was there. and i must have been twenty or twenty one because he would have only been around seventeen. but even at seventeen he was well over six foot five cause he got all the height in the family which was totally not fair but thats besides the point. so while i was there my mom flew into one of her alcohol induced rages, and took it all out on my brother. i had intellectually figured that all the anger my mom used to take out on me had then transferred to my brother once i stopped living there every other week, but up until that point i hadn’t actually seen it. she started shoving him, and punching him, and not enough so it would hurt much, because as i said he was well over six feet and she was barely five six, so he could pretty well block any thing she dished out. but he was cornered, and he looked scared. and i was hiding useless on the stairwell, crying, and begging mom to stop. and it only stopped cause jordan managed to slip out the front door and once he escaped mom went back into the kitchen, still yelling and angry. and i took the chance to grab my school bag and leave in solidarity. and my brother and i stood there awkwardly on the porch, me still crying, and him smoking and trying to look cool and not like he just got chased out of the apartment by a woman half his size. and i promised him we wouldnt go back until she calmed down, and that she was being unreasonable and he didnt deserve any of it, and id figure out somewhere to go. and we started walking down the sidewalk, but not together because we were never that close. he wandered off somewhere to smoke. and that’s as far as i remember.

this day came up in conversation with my grandma in the months after grandpa’s death, during one of our many three am can’t sleep conversations in grandma’s kitchen (grandma would wake up, i’d hear her get out of bed and wake up too. she’d make herself tea and eat some graham crackers and we’d sit together at the table feeling the third empty chair like an ache). grandma brought it up, because apparently, even though i cant remember this at all, i had my no/kia brick phone in my school bag (a minor miracle because i hated carrying around cell phones for the longest time), and i actually called grandma. and grandpa and her came to pick me up, and they found me sitting on a wall a block away from my mom’s apartment, and then we drove around till we found jordan, and then we all went back to my grandparent’s house. after bringing this up, grandma then, completely unprompted, told me something that child me thought about regularly - she said that even though her mom died when she was 8, leaving her to help raise her two younger siblings, grandma thought in some ways it was easier than what my brother and i went through with the divorce and my mom leaving. i used to regularly - not wish my mom dead, exactly - but wish i could pretend she was dead, rather than her just not being there anymore. especially since, when i was suddenly thrown into being her sole emotional and physical punching bag now that dad wasn’t filling the role anymore, a lot of the times being around her post divorce was not a good thing. (I cut off all contact with my mom finally at age 25 and haven’t looked back)

so yeah, i was fucking pissed that i had worked so hard to try to mitigate the damage i caused by leaving jordan alone with my mom for pretty much the entirety of my high school years...only to have my dad kick him out barely a few years after i left for college and thus putting my brother at my mom’s mercy. ostensibly my dad kicked my brother out because of his drug addictions, but my brother was the most mild mannered addict i’ve ever known. the worst thing he ever did was steal a couple hundred dollars from me, but he never got violent, he never got angry. other people got angry at him. my aunt once tried to fight him in a hospital elevator because he sold my cousin heroin or meth or some shit and my cousin ended up impaling a knife in his chest in front of my grandma, which is a whole nother story. but jordan was only nineteen when that happened. my cousin? thirty six. and a long time violent and angry drug addict with a record (he threw a book at his professor’s head and got kicked out of grad school while on cocaine once, which is how he ended up back in washington state and needing a new drug dealer - hence my brother suddenly getting involved) (same cousin later flew into a drug fueled rage in his forties and almost beat his girlfriend to death) (my brother was long since clean by then and had nothing to do with our cousin getting drugs at that point)

all this to say my dad’s rich bitch new wife didn’t think a drug addict and mentally ill artist fit into her picture perfect family, so dad started making it clear we were not welcome at family functions unless we complied with very strict rules. ironically, jordan was let back into the fold first partially because i can hold a grudge for a very long time and i was very very terrified of my mom and dad was the sane stable one and i had trusted him to take care of everything even without me there and dad had failed pretty spectacularly at that. im still bitter at my dad for his secret marriage and subsequent moving into her million dollar mansion and throwing my brother out. but also partially because jordan started following all of dad’s rules, got himself cleaned up (he moved in with his girlfriend, and i think being out of mom’s house had a lot to do with getting over his addictions), started studying computer science, found a really good software engineering job, suddenly dad approved of him. i also partially antagonized rich bitch wife by doing silly things like wearing black leather pants and the most provocative clothes i owned whenever i went over to their house. rich bitch was a very simple narrow minded person with a lot of prejudices. i imagine i was not seen as a good influence on her two younger daughters. and eventually they stopped seeing me altogether. even when i was living in washington for all of 2017 - the only time i ever saw dad was when he’d come visit my grandparents alone. the day before i took grandma on the train to move to ohio, we were supposed to all have dinner together at our family’s favorite place to eat out - crossroads mall - and the rich bitch refused to show up. that’s how petty she is. she also is so dumb she’s under the delusion that kids get into drugs if they don’t have dogs (????) so that’s why she forced my dad to get a dog for her spoiled brat youngest when the girl went into high school. my dad dislikes animals, so i will say one of the highlights of this marriage is seeing my dad become a dog person. the rich bitch and her daughters mostly ignore the dog, but my dad is so attached to max that he even lets the little puppy sit in his lap while driving. anyway, anyone who thinks dogs are the sole answer to preventing drug addictions can go to hell.

yeah, blah blah blah, to sum up its WEIRD for my dad to suddenly be texting my brother and i unprompted, and asking me about my life and my plans. i dont really know how to deal. i miss him. he was always the closest person in my life to the point where even when i moved away for college, i still assumed after i graduated i’d just move back in with dad so it was only four years being gone, cause why would i ever want to live anywhere else?. i kept thinking if i could hit some level of success that he would approve of, that maybe eventually i could become somebody his rich bitch wife would associate with. but that never happened, obviously.

#journal shit #christmas is family time right????

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bookish-nerd9 · 5 years

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At Long Last: Chapter 2

Warning: mention of past trauma and self harm.

So here’s the second chapter i hope you like it, i still don’t know how long it will be but i will figure it out along the way and also based on your feedback on it.

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“I hate your advice.” Was Andrew’s way of greeting his therapist.

“Well hello to you too Andrew” Bee said with a sweet smile that reached her eyes.

Betsy Dobson was Andrew’s therapist which Andrew was referred to after his previous therapist gave up on him, surprisingly she’s the one that stuck with him.

She was ever soo patient with him and actually listened to him instead of just assuming how he felt or what he was thinking about and proceeding based on those assumptions.

Of course they got on the wrong foot at first what with Andrew’s temper he kept pushing her to get the disappointment over with except she didn’t disappoint him, she was ever patient and persistent with him even on the days when he wouldn’t utter a single word she was there and she never pushed back she would just sit there sipping her cocoa and talking about nothing in particular and he really appreciated it, and from there he started trusting her bit by bit, it was a rocky road but here they are years later and she was the only one after Renee his friend and sparing partner that he completely trust and could talk to about anything and everything.

“Why don’t you make yourself comfortable while i make us some hot cocoa and you can tell me why you hate my advice.” She said as she closed the door and started on the cocoa.

Andrew settled in his usual place on the couch opposite from her chair, his leg bouncing rapidly as he tried to sort his thoughts.

“There you go” she placed the hot mug next to him and settled in her chair, “ready?!” She asked with a smile on her face.

“I hate your advice.”

“Yes, you mentioned that but which advice is that?”

“To get involved in something besides school work, to try and engage with different people, that it would help me now that I’m off my meds and after.... after what happened with Derek and Aaron’s trial”

“Do you know why i advised you to do so?” She asked earnestly.

That was one of the reasons why Andrew liked Bee soo much, she considered his opinion and feeling when describing a coping method for him or advised him to do something that he wouldn’t normally do, and if he didn’t feel comfortable with whichever method they were using she had no problem changing them accordingly.

“I wasn’t in a good place after the trial, I retreated even more within myself to the point that i started itching for my meds which is crazy considering how much i hated my self when i was taking them”

Bee pursed her lips at this last part but let him continue not wanting to cut his train of thought.

“I felt even more worthless not able to protect my family from my past and i wanted to be numb for a moment and i started thinking about......ummm you know about.....”

“It’s okay take your time Andrew”

He exhaled took a sip from his too sweet, too hot cocoa and continued

“About hurting my self” and as he said it he started tugging at his black armbands that hid angry slashes across his forearm that he did himself way back when he wanted an escape from the emotional and physical pain.

She stayed silent for a moment giving him time to collect himself and continued,

“You know how proud i am with how far you’ve come since that set back, as you remember we started with small steps i asked you to try and engage more with your friends and family especially Aaron and it worked out right?! There is still a long way ahead of you too but you both have come to terms with what happened and that is a major step, so what happened that made you hate that advice soo much?”

“You know i chose to be responsible for the dorm rooms and report anyone breaking the rules which is pretty ironic since, Well it’s me but there were no other options except for sports and there is no way in hell i’m giving up smoking or following Kevin on that exy stadium with his hotheadedness and stubbornness about the damned sport, or acting classes which i would rather impale my self than participate in it”

That drew a small chuckle from Bee but she motioned Andrew to go on,

“Well, yesterday i was on a round and I stopped by this room like i had a million times before but yesterday I didn’t meet the guy who I thought lived there alone instead i met his roommate.”

“And you’re upset because you didn’t see the guy you thought lived there alone?”

“Well yes, no, I don’t know who to blame the guy for not being there or the roommate for being there.”

“I’m sorry Andrew but I’m not quite following”

Andrew took a longer moment this time, legs bouncing and fingers tapping his mug trying to rearrange his thoughts so he could explain the problem with the least amount of humiliation possible.

“I think I’m angry because that roommate guy, Neil, is..... he’s a bit, well im having a weird feeling since i met him.”

Bee didn’t laugh at him or belittle his problem instead she said, “define weird, is it good weird or bad weird?”

“I don’t know yet, all i know is that there’s this feeling at the pit of my stomach since i met him and it’s weird, and to top it all i found him hiding a kitten in the room which is against the rules so we made a deal that he would touter me in maths and in return I won’t report him.”

“Why don’t you try and sort through the weird feelings you’ve had before, think that you have two piled in-front of you one for the good weird feelings and and one for the bad weird feelings, that way you might be able to identify that particular weird feeling.”

Andrew nodded thoughtfully as her words actually made sense to him.

“So this deal, are you going to go through with it or not.”

“You know I don’t break my deals Bee”, she smiled fondly at him and continued

“So when are you meeting him again?”

“I don’t know I haven’t texted him yet” he said not meeting her eyes.

“Well you’d better hurry, he might actually help you figure out this feeling you have.” He nodded but didn’t say anything else.

“Is there anything else bothering you?”

“No, that’s all”

“Okay, I’ll wait for you next week in our usual time, but call me anytime you want or if there’s anything else bothering you.”

“Yeah i will don’t worry, thanks Bee see you next week”

“Andrew” she called for him as he reached the door, “if you want my opinion on the matter i think this is a good weird kind of feeling.” She said with a sweet smile and kindness in her eyes, which what was always Andrew saw every time she looked at him and it baffled him.

“Bye Bee”

After he left and got in his car, her words still ringing in his ears he fished out his phone, “tomorrow at 4 in the library don’t be late or the deal’s off.” He hit send tossed his phone in the glove compartment, rolled down his window and kept driving until he cleared his head.

Here is chapter 1

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