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wouldnt-it-be-hilarious-if-i · 2 years

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currently listening to: brave (acoustic version) by ella henderson

So, I picked out a few workbooks to get started on the long road to healing more of my trauma. I am also buying two books I've been eyeing for some time: The Body Keeps Score and It Didn't Start With You.

Both of my parents came from abusive households. On my mom's side, intense alcohol abuse and light drug abuse run pretty rampant. My mom's family are also immigrants from a very tiny community in Germany, so there's also that. I won't go into a huge amount of detail, but here's my first memory of my Oma from when I was little:

I was five or six years old and playing in her garden. I actually have a picture of this day (shown below). Anyway, I thought her flowers were so beautiful that I skipped around her yard picking one flower from each bush to make into a bouquet. I'm not sure if it was for her or not. But I remember it being for her.

When my Oma saw that I had done this (let me add here that this was the first time I remember meeting my Oma, so I didn't know these were her prized possessions and just thought they were pretty. I grabbed these flowers literally out of complete innocence.), she started shouting and cursing at me and nearly slapped me across the face. The only reason her hand didn't reach my face was because my mom yanked me back before it could 😂✋ She gently told me to give her the flowers, and to never ever pick her flowers again because Oma is very protective of them. 😭😭😭 I remember thinking for the rest of my childhood that she hated me even though she did try a few times to make me think otherwise (she also had no pictures of me in the house, so like....what was I supposed to think?). Like she took me to the store and let me pick out a computer game (totally spies 😂😂 I remember it like the back of my hand) and colors for a blanket she wanted to knit for me (I chose light pink, dark brown and light green like the early 2000s girly that I was).

My main color scheme as a child lol

Almost all of my cousins have similar memories (my cousin A never saw Oma again for the rest of his childhood after my aunt caught my Oma threatening him and calling him a horrible little boy when he was the same age as me for doing something literally any 7 year old would do lmao). However, knowing my Oma's childhood, I don't blame her for treating us this way. It was just what she knew.

My mom told me that when Oma was four or five, she was in charge of watching her one or two year old sister I think by a lake or something. Unfortunately, her little sister drowned. And my Oma was blamed for it for the rest of her life. It's just cruel. Her mother was very mean to her, and I'm convinced this has a lot to do with why she was so cruel to us and to her kids. Hurt people hurt people. My mom grew up with this anger, and with the alcoholism from the other side.

On my dad's side, the trauma is just as intense. It's why I hold a lot of space for both of my parents, but especially my dad. I don't talk to him, and won't ever again probably. But I still hold a lot of space for him given his background.

My dad was 10 years old when he and his family decided to leave Zambia. They were forced to due to a scary political situation that put them in danger. There is a lot more to this, but it's extensive. So, I won't get into it. But they essentially had to leave or risk enslavement (this was the late 70s, early 80s).

My dad and his family walked from Zambia to Egypt, where some of the most traumatic experiences a child could have happened to my uncle, my grandfather and my dad. The things my dad witnessed as a little boy are things no child should ever have to watch.

Later on, my dad's family finally made it to England. They did not have visas. They lived there for a year or maybe more before they were threatened with deportation due to being there illegally. That's when they gained refugee status in the United States.

By the time my dad got to the US, he was fifteen. At school, he was bullied relentlessly for his accent. He got beat up often, and told me that he left school and got his GED instead the same year after he and his brother were chased for several blocks by a gang of teenagers with crowbars and pipes threatening them. His dad kicked him out for leaving school, but my dad stood his ground.

After getting his GED, my dad coasted a bit before joining the military.

I try to keep these things in mind when thinking about my relationship with my family. My mother thinks sometimes that I must be very angry with my family members, and to some degree, I understand that. They do horrific things to each other, and to me.

But I also understand the conditions they grew from, and while many of them no longer have the right to be in my life anymore, I still try to remember their own experiences and trauma before falling into angry, hate-fueled thinking.

I do this with everyone---to an extent that is almost harmful to myself. Knowing how a person grew up and knowing how they've hurt and struggled, I've given excuses to a lot of people to treat me badly or make me feel weird about myself because I hold too much space for them and not enough for myself.

While I know what my dad has gone through, it took my entire life to remember that I can know what he went through and know how he brought me up was wrong at the same time.

For example, when I was a child, there was a rumor in my family that was often seen as the family joke. I had an imaginary friend named Jim, and he was my best friend. Unfortunately, my dad found Jim very creepy.

Most children have imaginary friends, and I had mine because I was pretty often alone. So, he was just a homie to converse with. Anyway, the family joke was that the reason Jim disappeared so suddenly was because I pushed Jim in front of a car and got rid of him because I was angry at him. And everyone accepted this as fact because I was a weird kid (I threw all of my Barbies into the mud once and refused to let them live in their dream house because they pissed me off for some unknown reason, and argued one time when I was four that violins weren't real but unicorns were and maintained this argument for two straight hours because I was that stubborn lmao).

I always just accepted this story even though I had no recollection of actually doing it. When I was fifteen or sixteen, I remember going to my dad and mentioning Jim. And my dad just starts laughing, and he goes, "Oh, that's because you didn't kill him."

And he explains that he found Jim creepy, so for a few weeks, he would casually tell me that something very bad was going to happen to Jim. He did this more and more until one day, he had me look out onto the street, and pointed to where Jim was "laying" in the road and told me that I got angry and pushed Jim in front of a car. Jim had died as a result of my anger, and he'd never ever come back.

I remember after that I tried to have more imaginary friends, but it never felt right or the same. It was hard. And when people laughed about the story my dad told everyone about me getting angry and pushing my imaginary friend in front of a car, I got angry because I didn't remember doing it. But I was sure I must have because my father literally manipulated me into thinking I did.

When my dad explained all of this to me, that's when I knew for real that he was a sick motherfucker. You don't just do that and tell the story back to someone while laughing so hard you're close to tears.

It's this memory, and other specific events, that I think back on when I consider having children. I just can't trust that my father wouldn't do or say something that my children might internalize without knowing.

When I tell you I literally just accepted that I was the one who pushed my imaginary friend in front of that car because my dad very carefully manipulated my perception of events as a child, I mean that. I really truly came to the conclusion that I must have been the one who did that and had no recollection of my father feeding this information to me.

Similarly, when I was eight years old, my father sat me down in front of my siblings because he was "worried" about me being boy crazy. He told me I was going to amount to nothing more than a teen mother. I would be pregnant by sixteen and be just like my older sister. I remember feeling so humiliated as he said this very seriously and made me feel like some kind of whore for wanting my first kiss (which as I said in a past post, I wanted because I was convinced if I had my first kiss with my true love, I would be happy and the abuse would stop). He did this in front of the three siblings that bullied me the most, so they repeated this at me during everything that we did and every conversation we had.

I remember my mom being livid and taking me to the beach. She told me not to ever let another person prophesize for me what my life would look like, even if it was my father.

That's a big reason why I'll never let my father back into my life. While I understand and hold space for him, his very existence is triggering to me and he doesn't deserve to be called a father or to be in my life. I have to remember that my experience and trauma matters too.

That what I grew up experiencing was wrong, and it's okay to distance myself from people who hurt me. It's okay to take a break and return to that relationship later if I ever desire to. It's okay to hurt over things that happened a decade ago. It's okay to hold space for myself and to choose to take care of me. It's okay to want to grow and heal from things.

Which is why I got these workbooks. I have a lot of growing and healing to do before I can ever think of bringing another person into my life and desiring a relationship. I have to learn to have boundaries, to not give into that insecure attachment style, to treat myself with care and love, and where to put those hard and difficult memories that hurt me to this day.

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pandoraarti · 2 years

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More fnaf doodles + maybe some ramblings

Going to post this one first because the second one would kind of not make sense.

Anyway I kinda dislike how Will is being used in the fnaf ' main' story ( whatever even the f*** that is because it's Five Nights at Freddy's the story doesn't make sense and yes I'm talking about both the games and the books) at this point he kind of feels overused and he feels 1 dimensional to me if that makes sense. (I also hate the ' wanting to become immortal' trope.)

So me being me, I decided to make my own au,

I'll touch more on this later down the post and put it under a read more so no one has to scroll past it if they don't want to read it.

Ay 1:00am doodles, my old enemy.

I added the post above because in this one you can see me rambling on about the color association thing changing.

Let's see, we got a nightmare segment, some Silhouettes and head busts, glitchtrap because I started to develop an interest in them, at the bottom we have a 8-bit styled headcanon I thought of... is it headcanon or just more part or the au???

Anyway to explain it , I find it very hard to believe that William was still alive after being springlocked a second time for a total of 30 years while locked inside of the safe room...

So I had it to where he did survive the second spring locking but this one completely messed his s*** up... like you can see in the dialogue that is probably hard to read... he couldn't move, see or speak...( muscles required for moving probably Torn To Hell and back, human eyeballs are quite fragile things so those got obliterated leaving him blind, and apparently he wouldn't have been able to scream because the spring locks would have jacked up his vocal cords bad enough to prevent him from actually screaming)

So he was stuck in that state for about a week or two before finally deceasing and then possessing the suit and rotting in that room for 30 years, the thing killing him being infection because tetanus from rusted cover spring locks or starvation.

Security breach doodle, a lot of people were disappointed with the burntrap boss fight + ending and honestly so as I.

So I made a shity redesign. One that keeps the theme of the boss is starting off nice shiny and clean before ultimately getting absolutely wrecked.

Like having glitchtrap manifest in a Glam Rock styled body at the beginning of the boss fight with Freddy fighting him while Gregory deals with the other animatronics under his control and then at some point maybe the kid being the feral Goblin he is, find some conveniently placed oil cans and a lighter or matches... and does to glitchtrap what has happened to the poor bastards past incarnations of getting lit up... But! Instead of going down and calling it the end the second part of the fight begins except glitchtraps body is now what you would see on the right of the picture looking similar to how his soul Sprite looked in Princess Quest...( although I'm pretty sure the fumes of melted plastic or whatever they're made of would be awful to experience and bad for your lungs)

Anyway I'm not creative enough to figure out how the rest of that would go but he would probably end up dying anyway only to come back later in a different game because that's kind of the theme of this whole franchise now it seems.

Anyway here's my au William basics

He had a really rough childhood in the UK, and pretty much got out of there as soon as he was of age. And made a vow to himself to never become like his own father ( spoiler he doesn't keep it)

Blah blah after getting situated in America, he goes to college and meets Henry and they become best Pals, and after graduation they start having plans and ideas that starting a diner together to bring joy to kids and families alike.

At some point he meets his wife, doesn't know how to deal with love and is a complete mess about it but the cute dorky kind, and yada yada they start dating and even have double dates with the Emily couple...then boom, they marry. And have little Michael on the way.

Restaurant opens up after will's second kid is born, and everything is going fantastic! what wait a minute he gets springlocked for the first time but don't worry survives! And things go back to normal as well as the arrival of his third kid.

Unfortunately his wife dies, but that's okay he can handle taking care of three children and parts of a business establishment. And for the most part it seems like everything is under control and he's very much like that of a regular single dad taking care of three kids...

The bite of 83 happens, it's his youngest son, but is was a accident he has to keep telling himself, have to keep telling a distressed Michael that it was an accident after all he didn't know.

The house is quiet after the funeral, everyone is tense and usually stay locked up in their rooms. Things are getting more difficult than he remembered, it was an accident it was an accident no one's to blame no one's to blame.

His head feels likes it's under water, the house feels more empty then is was, and hallways seemed to stretch out infinitely into the void. He can't sleep well at night anymore, how could he? Every time he shut his eyes all he would see where those happier brighter times those times that were no longer here...! The small smile under tear filled eyes that were no longer here! He misses him...god he misses him...but it seems the would didn't care...he had to wear a mask and go about as if everything was fine! But he wasn't fine...he was starting to sink...

OK I'm going to stop there because I very quickly went off topic...

Anyway William was a regular guy but slowly began descending into madness which only got worse and worse after accidentally discovering remanent which really set the marbles loose.

To simply put he slowly becomes less human while still alive but after dying in the spring lock suit and rotting all those years definitely made things worse as it began to temper with his memories by scratching them away...and by fnaf 6 he's something that can't really be identified as once Being Human ( this is where his story ends in the living world)

By all means I'm not trying to justify his actions because kid killing is bad.

Also in this au, glitchtrap is technically not him.

It started off as a tiny fracture of his soul before eventually beginning to develop into its own being... and it hasn't retained any of his memories except remembering the fire.

I'll maybe touch up on this later if I have no motivation.

#my art #doodles #fnaf security breach #fnaf tw #fnaf #purple guy #william afton #dave miller #burntrap #peepaw willy #vincent fnaf #he's in the time-out corner but he's there #long post

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forcebewitht · 3 years

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Maybe The True Poor Unfortunate Soul...Was Me Before I Had You (Aftermath Overblot!Azul Ashengrotto X Reader)

It all happened too fast. One moment, Azul was going on a rampage and stealing the prized possessions of other students with his Unique Magic, and the next, he was Overblotting- and then kissing you? It was all rather sudden, to say the least. Azul's tentacles remained rather possessively wrapped around your waist after his lips had floated off yours. His eyes were wide and wild, a mad grin now tugging at his lips as he gazed at your expression. Some grunts from your previously unconscious friends were soon heard as they began to stir awake once more. Your friends were now rising back to their feet and glaring at Azul, preparing their magic pens for another assault. Azul soon locked eyes with Jade and Floyd after briefly tearing his piercing gaze from yours. He began to reach out with a hand to his childhood friends, his grin only extending further. "Let's make a deal, my friends...come on….make a deal with me…" Floyd was the first to speak up, now taking a step closer to Azul. "Ummmmm, normally, I'd be tttoootttaaaallllyyyy okay with a deal. But right now? Not a chance!" Jade gave an affirmative nod, now stepping up beside his twin. "I agree!" Leona glanced over to a nearby barnacle attached to a rock. The gazes of the lion prince and Ruggie met, the pair now beginning to gather them into a pile. The Savanaclaw duo began to smirk, Leona sharply whistling to gain Azul's attention. "Oy, calamari. Put the dumb Herbivore down, okay?" Without waiting for a reply, Leona and Ruggie began to pelt Azul with the barnacles. You had to shield your head with a hand, one of Azul's tentacles assisting. However, one soon made bare contact with the male's forehead. He grunts out in pain and utter shock, now allowing his tentacles to unfurl from your form.

You soon drifted back down to the ground, now making your way over to your group. Ruggie and Leona shared a chuckle and a high-five. "Shishishishi~.....that'll show him!" With Azul distracted from the barnacles and your retreat, Floyd and Jade move in with their own attacks in an attempt to calm Azul down. Azul's tentacles lashed out in an attempt to subdue the gang again, to no avail this time. Given how effective it seemed to be, Ruggie and Leona went right back to chucking barnacles at Azul once more and mocking him all the while. You couldn't help but to shake your head a bit at the antics. It didn't take too long for Azul to be overwhelmed. Now, the male allowed a hand to trail to his chest, gripping it tightly. He heaved out a breath, his eyes looking deeply pained. Already, you could see those odd sparkles emanating from the very heart of the octopus as you had with Riddle and Leona prior. "Whyyy….why….why does everyone bully me…? Because I'm just a stupid….clumsy octopus? I….just wanted to be strong and show them all that they're wrong…I-i...I just..." Your eyes widened as you glanced behind you. Leona was the only one who fully met your gaze. An encouraging nod from the prince was all you needed. You swam over to Azul, now slightly bending your knees to get to Azul's now rather shrunken level upon the ocean floor. Azul had tears streaming down his cheeks, a few light sniffs being heard. You extend your hand to the male, casting a shadow over Azul. The octopus allowed his head to tilt up, a light from up above lighting up your features. You looked beautiful…like a stunning little mermaid-like angel…Although it took Azul a moment, he soon wiped away a tear with a tentacle. His hand lightly shook as it reached out and soon interlocked with your own. You lower yourself down to the male's level, now bringing your arms around him in a hug. Azul's body shook as he gripped you tightly, the tears now flowing as his sobs increased. A bright light began to shine over the both of you, your friends having to shield their eyes from the massive glare. And just like with Leona and Riddle before, your vision soon began to turn as white as the light around you and Azul…

Your vision slowly began to return as you found yourself being surrounded by memories of a younger Azul. You could soon hear Azul's voice echoing around you as scenes from his past played out. "I was only ever meant to be inside an octopus pot." You turned your head to a memory directly in front of you. Some mer-children seemed to be teasing Azul and calling him names for being an 'ink barfer'....you also couldn't help but notice that Azul was the only non-mer-child in the room...your lips thinned into a line at the names. You couldn't stop your heart from clenching at one of the children mentioning Azul's 'creepy legs'. It clenched even further once you saw the baby version of Azul, rather tiny and a bit chubby, crying at the remarks. "Unlike other merfolk, I had legs covered in suction cups. I was an introverted child who could never speak his mind…no good at school or sports, I was left all alone." You turned your head to stare at Azul, who was now standing directly beside you and watching right along. His gaze was pained yet cold and relaxed as he went on. "...A dumb...clumsy octopus." Your head turned back to bear witness to even more accounts of Azul being bullied. Azul had placed his hands upon his hips at the mention of him being 'lame' for not being able to play tag as easily as the others. His eyebrows furrowed at the sight, his tone taking on a slight growl. "...Ohh, really? Then why don't you just leave me be and go run around playing your pointless games!" Azul seemed to take a moment to inhale, then went on once more. "...I lack the tail to swim quickly. But, instead, I have 10 arms and legs that I can move at will. That means that I have five times the ability to write than those two armed fools. I can spit out the ink needed to write spells at any time." Azul's voice began to increase in volume as his rage flared. "Just you wait. Someday, I'll put you insolent mers in YOUR PLACE!" Your head soon whipped back to watch as you heard a familiar yet slightly higher pitched pair of voices. It was the Tweels. Just from seeing his friends appear, Azul seemed to relax a little more beside you. Floyd swam up to Azul first, Jade following. Their paired gazes were curious, and maybe even a little concerned. "Heeeyyyyy, little octo~ why are you holed up in there?" The child Azul seemed to curl up into a little ball even further, yet partially turned his head to the twins. "Go away….shut up and leave me alone…" Jade swam a bit closer, now glancing around in wonder at what Azul was surrounded with. "Wow...amazing! All those shells are covered in spells and curses. Magic to shapeshift, magic to steal someone's voice...Have you been using those 8 legs to write all these this whole time?" Though the child version of Azul's gaze seemed to soften lightly at Jade's words, he soon curled up protectively once more. "Don't touch them! You wanna get inked?! I'm gonna keep studying and become just as powerful as the Sea Witch! So don't get in my way! Just- go away!" Azul was allowing his tentacles to curl around his lower body in a self-hug, his eyes flared with a great passion as he turned back away from the Tweels. Floyd elbowed Jade, motioning to Azul. "Jaaaddeeeeee...that octopus kid is pretty funny!" Jade turned his head to Floyd and nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Yes, Floyd. He is very interesting." You felt your heart melt a little bit at the warm smiles Floyd and Jade had when staring at the back of Azul.

"I kept studying like that until several years later…" The scene began to shift to Junior High. Floyd was the first to begin to speak in this memory. "I heard that a kid in another class got sssuuuupppeerrrrr skinny and even got a girlfriend!" Jade nodded at his twin's statement. "And in exchange, his beautiful tenor tone has gone completely silent. In another class, someone with frizzy, unruly hair suddenly became a silky blonde." Floyd nodded, now chatting away in his own bit of curious excitement. "In exchange, she lost her tail that swam so fassssttt~" The Junior High version of Azul glanced up every now and then, the faintest of smirks tugging at his lips. "Mmm...you don't say?" Floyd and Jade shared a look, Jade arching a brow at Azul. "And, Azul...isn't this all your doing? I can't imagine any of those airheaded fish being able to pull off such impressive spells, after all." Floyd nodded again, now leaning a bit towards Azul. "Yeeaaaahhhh, and you've been studying magic fooorreeeevvveeerrrrr!" Unable to hold back his own mischief any longer, Azul covered his mouth lightly as he erupted into snickers. "Hehehehehe...ahahahahahaha! Is that so? Aaahhhh, I can't believe I've been found out already. You two are correct, nonetheless. I finally perfected it! All I need is for someone to sign this magic contract...then I can take whatever ability I so desire from them...I call it- It's A Deal! With this, I can make them all kneel before me...everything you've ever taken pride in..its now mine!" The Azul in the memory erupted into cackles as the scene began to fade out, Jade and Floyd both smirking at each other and Azul's triumph. The Azul standing with you took a moment to adjust his glasses, his gaze lightly trailing over to meet yours. "...I haven't forgotten what happened for even a moment. Those who made fun of me. The faces of those who bullied me. I bid my time, closely observing them from a distance. Their weaknesses, their desires….I know it all! Press on their weak points and I can take their little fast tail. If I know what's bothering them, I can take their beautiful singing voice." Azul soon fully turned to face you, his eyes growing rather crazed once more. "With those golden contracts, I am unbeatable! I am no longer the dumb, clumsy octopus left all alone!" A sense of calming seemed to wash over Azul as his eyes flickered up and down your form in silence. "...Everything is under my control with this power. All those who ever made fun of me...will now kneel before me." A rather warm, sweet smile graced your lips. You calmly stepped towards Azul, whose eyes lightly widened at the sight of you growing nearer. You soon brought your arms around him once again, removing the fedora from his head to pat him soothingly. Azul allowed his eyes to flutter shut at the sensations, and both of your visions soon faded to black as you remained in each other's arms…

"Aaaazzzzzuuuuulllll, Shrimmmmmmmpppppyyyyyyy~" You soon heard Floyd's voice directly above you as Azul startled awake beside you. Your eyes flutter open as both you and Azul sit up, now sparing a glance down to your still interlocked hands. A swift blush seemed to overtake Azul's features at the gesture, already gently removing his hand from yours. Jade and Floyd both began to smile at Azul and tell him just how happy they were that he was okay. Your own friends, along with Ruggie and Leona, checked you over. Floyd began to tease Azul as to what he had said and done, to which Azul seemed rather worn out and confused. You and Jack soon began to tell Azul just how intelligent he was for his notes. After a few more remarks from the others, a geek out from Azul over his old elementary photo, and Grim devouring another odd black stone that had appeared after Azul's Overblot, you and your group soon went your separate ways.

A few days later, you all met back up again to head back to the museum to see the sights and return the photo you had stolen for the deal. Floyd and Jade began to rattle on about dinglehoppers amongst other things. Azul took the photo in his hands, now turning the corner to return it. You soon follow, allowing your hands to tuck behind your back. The octopus soon stopped, turning his head to face you. "Ah….[Y/n]. First of all, may I formally apologize for my….rather odd outburst. And secondly, there is no need to doubt me….I will properly return it." Azul placed the photo back onto the wall. He placed a finger onto the section where he had used to be on it, now letting said finger slowly drag down the painting. "....I thought that if I could erase all of the photos from my past...my time spent being bullied as a 'dumb, clumsy octopus' would fade along with them. The Sea Witch never hid her dark past but faced it and worked to overwrite her reputation. I kept saying that I wanted to be like her, but...in the end, I couldn't even accept who I was and tried to act like it never happened." Soon, you smiled, tilting your head to the side at Azul. You gently took one of his hands in yours, now gazing into his eyes. "You have a strength greater than any magic. I honestly think you're pretty great without having to steal from others! We cannot change the past, Azul. We cannot change the harsh words that those children pelted you with in your youth. But...we learn to keep our heads and move on. And look at you! You do it in spades! You're intelligent, savvy, have a literal business that you're running within the school...you don't have to steal anything to be a great person. You just keep being who you are." Azul seemed taken aback by your sweet words. His eyes began to water, a swallow being seen that the male took in. A soft, relieved smile soon graced the lips of the octopus as he held your gaze. It was the most genuine you had seen him yet. "...There is no need for you to flatter me, dear. I...only wanted to get back at those who had made fun of me for so long." You tilted your head to the side as an eyebrow perked up. "Can no one say anything without you thinking it's some sort of trick? Hmmm. Anyways, I thought you were pretty cute in that form, anyways." Azul choked, his eyes widening. A blush had taken over his face again, to which he raised his hand and mockingly adjusted his glasses in the hopes of hiding it. "C-c-cute?"

You couldn't help but giggle at Azul's reaction. Azul's lightly coughed into his arm. "Right. I….must admit, [Y/n]. You are certainly more sly than I took you for originally. Though I am not pleased with the result, that plan with Leona and Ruggie was a work of raw genius. I am almost a bit peeved that I did not come up with it myself." Your eyes roll as you meet Azul's gaze once more. "Yeah, and I didn't need to steal anyone's Unique Magic to do it. Just grab some pots and pans and start banging them while he's trying to sleep- and you're set." You and Azul began to laugh in unison at the image, Azul nodding his head. "Mmmm...mental note, swiftly close doors when you spot [Y/n] with a pot or some pans." You jokingly raise your free hand and begin to swish it in the water to illustrate your point. That got Azul cracking up all over again. "Mmm Mmm Mmm. Keep that up, [Y/n], and I may have to kiss you for such underhanded methods." "You already did." Azul chuckled and hummed, allowing a finger to tap at his chin. His free hand seized you by the waist, now pulling you towards him. His gaze was locked onto you below him with a devilish smirk now tugging at his lips. "Mind if I jog my memory for a moment, Angelfish~" Your lips met, Azul sweeping his opposite hand that held you over your hair to brush it out of the way. Some baby seahorses suddenly swam into the museum and swam in a circular motion around the two of you, sweeping both your hair and clothes up around you. Azul's lips soon floated off yours as he met your gaze once more. Right as he was about to speak, a wolf whistle was heard from behind the two of you. "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH SNNNAAAAAPPPPP, AHAHAHAHAHA! AZUL AND SHRIMMMPPPPYYYY SWWWIIIIMMMIIINNNGGG INNN THE SEEEAAAAA~" Azul's face erupted into a blush as he released a startled grunt at Floyd, who was now making hearts with his hands. Jade soon chuckled and swam up beside him to finish the line. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Heheheh~" Azul was quick to facepalm and now regrab his fedora, placing it upon his head to cover his blush. He released you and set you upright, clearing his throat. He muttered under his breath. "...They will never let me live that down." You giggled once more. Soon, you were called over by Ace and Grim, who were now all marveling at some sort of sea dragon. As you swam off, Azul puffed out a breath and watched you swim off, a warm smile gracing his lips. "...Maybe I was the true, poor unfortunate soul all along...before I met you."

((Hey Hey Hey, everybody! The second part to the Overblot!Azul x Reader is now here! I hope you all enjoyed! Next up is the part two for Leona, so stay tuned and stay awesome~ 💖🌹

#disney twst #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #twistedwonderland #disney #azul x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #overblot azul #twisted wonderland x reader #twst azul #twst azul x reader #writing #azul ashengrotto

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sagemusesoutloud · 3 years

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Anti-Romantic, Part 1

(credit to the original owner of the image)

Character | Jaehyun x reader Genre | nonidol!au, Mutual Pining, Slowburn, Fluff WordCount | 3.6 K Author'sNote | lmaoooo the fact that I intended this to be a oneshot type of thing oops. Wellllll, I tried. Most likely to be a two part series, but we'll see.

This is part of a series I intend to call "If Songs were Fics" and this particular one was loosely inspired by TXT's Anti-Romantic bc I'm obsessed. I hope you enjoy reading as much I enjoyed writing it!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

I don't know who loves me

And I don't care, It's a waste anyways

A romantic feeling, Kinda scares me

“Any plans for you birthday next week?”

Jaehyun shakes his head at you, “no, not yet, don’t you have that date with that barista?”

“I’m not sure, he’s been acting weird over text lately. Might not be worth it,” you shrug your shoulders. “Besides, it’s your birthday! You only get one of those a year, we should plan something.”

You were on your way to the gym, a ritual you and Jaehyun had ever since you both found out you worked for the same company. You had been childhood friends, but ended up losing touch since you went to separate universities.

It was a nice surprise to see a friendly face on the first day of orientation and throughout the duration of your training for the next six weeks. Although you were both from different departments, you enjoyed taking your lunch breaks together and sharing small gossip about your old class-mates.

“ugh, don’t remind me,” he let’s out a long sigh, “every year, it seems like my family won’t stop pestering me about starting a family.”

“What’s so wrong about that?”

“Nothing, just not for me. Or at least not yet. I don’t think I’m the type to settle down,” he shrugs again as if it were no big deal.

You gasp, “how could you say that? I’ve seen your insta account. It’s got your cousin’s kids all over it!” You stop to take a good look at him as he holds the door of the gym open for you. “Back in school too, you used to tutor those elementary kids for volunteering hours. Even when you didn’t need them. You’ve always liked kids.”

“That’s different…”

“Right. Totally different things. Got it,” you roll your eyes. This wasn’t the first time he mentioned not wanting to settle down. At first, you had thought it was because he liked ‘keeping his options open’ like back in high-school. Or, not that you knew for sure, but if the rumors were true then it meant he slept his way around. Apparently, he never slept with someone twice and despite the cold shoulder the other party would get, all you had ever heard were praises. Not that you paid that much attention or anything.

You and Jaehyun had the same circle of friends, but despite that, he had never made any advances towards you. You’d be lying if that didn’t bother you at least once or twice. You just assumed that he didn’t want to make the friendship awkward or mess with the friend dynamics of your group. Which was why your crush on him in junior high ended as soon as you got to high-school.

You ended up going on dates with other people, but nothing that kept your interest. Nothing that compared to how you felt around him. Not that he seemed to think the same, so you tried your best to stay the good friend you always have been. You didn’t want to push something he clearly didn’t want; not that it didn’t hurt any less. Throughout the years it’s become bearable, at least. Almost like a painful habit.

You check in and head to the locker rooms to change. His nonchalance about the subject had always puzzled you. You’d seen first hand how all the female coworkers seemed to sway their hips as they walked by him, how some would pop a blouse button more than usual when around him, and you swore no one else was getting that much help throughout training more than him. He was handsome and a gentleman, that much was painfully obvious.

You meet him outside by the water fountain, “ready for warm-up?” he guides your way to the treadmills.

“When’s the last time you dated?”

You would have laughed if you weren’t so shocked to see him trip from the corner of your eye. “why the sudden curiosity?” He finally responds.

“Not sudden, I’d always wondered.” You defended. “You’re good looking and you’re very…I mean, you live on your own and have your own car. You have good relations with your family AND you’re good with kids. So, what is it?” You hadn’t realized how troubling you thought it all was. But now that you started digging you couldn’t stop.

“I just—” you pause, “it doesn’t make sense.”

You hear him chuckle, “you might wanna slow down before you pull something.” You look down and realize that your pace had gone from a relaxed jog to a borderline run during your rant. Maybe this wasn’t the best time to psychoanalyze your only friend in the city.

“Well, I just don’t know how to let people in. It’s just that.” He finally responds. “I love kids, but I don’t know or think I’d be a good partner.” He slows down before stopping, ending the conversation. He waves you off with an easy smile as you stay running.

Huh, maybe you pushed him too far. Your eyes can’t help but follow him around the gym.

Sweet and bitter chocolate, The taste at the end is always the same

Like the saddest movies, Only tears in my eyes

Your hands were sweaty the entire morning, anticipating your lunch time. It was his birthday today, and while you hadn’t made any concrete plans you ended up agreeing to go over to his place after work. Your gym bag was ready with snacks and comfy clothes to stay over. You remembered him saying he was excited to watch that new Marvel movie that had recently come out so you had bought it online to stream it at his place as a surprise. But what had you nervous was the small heart shaped box sitting in your purse. You didn’t know what possessed you to buy it but you had immediately thought of Jae when you passed by it at the mall. You remember vaguely mentioning that it was a special occasion to the sales lady (as in, his birthday), but she must have thought it was your significant other rather than friend because she changed the box to the red velvet shaped one while giving you a wink. In her defense, you could have protested but…why didn’t you?

You hear a knock on your door, “hey little miss sunshine.” Ah, Nakamoto, this couldn’t be good news. He was only sickly sweet to you when he needed a favor.

“What do you want?” you deadpan. He only laughs as he makes himself comfortable in your office. “Well, nothing in particular. Can’t stop by and see how you’re doing?” he feigns hurt.

“Right—the last time you ‘came by’ you left me working over-time through the weekend,” You sigh, “so what is it this time? Missed meeting? Late proposal?” To be fair, your supervisor WAS overworked sometimes. And since you were the only worker under him, it was normal for him to sometimes share some of the load with you.

He smiles at you, “nope. Just have a proposal for you. I know you’ve been working hard these past few months and I’ve been really impressed by your work ethic.” He stands and moves closer to your desk, “And I thought some sort of reward was in order, as well as celebration.” Ok, now you’re confused. You were ok with the reward part, it usually came in the form of a gift card to your favorite coffee shop, but celebration?

“Why would we celebrate? Did I miss something?”

“Not yet, but I did recommend you to the partner position with me. And I wanted to be the first to tell you that the boss approved it earlier today. So, what do ya say? Dinner on me?” he extends his hand out to you and wiggles his eyebrows playfully.

Oh.

Shit! You were hoping this would happen eventually, moving up from the entry-level position you had. But you had never thought it would be this fast. “Oh my gosh, are you serious?” You give him your hand and he shakes it in mock salute.

“Of course, some people will come by to move your computer to the office next to mine. You start Monday!” he winks, “So, wanna go to that new rooftop restaurant? This is a once in a life-time ticket, so you best say yes.”

But your dinner with Jae…He’ll understand, right? He has to. It’s not like he seemed that excited about it anyway. And you could always spend the day together tomorrow, too. It would be pretty rude to turn down Yuta after he pulled some strings for you…

You smile at him, “Thank you Mr. Nakamoto, I won’t let you down as a partner. Yeah, dinner sounds great. Wanna meet there?”

You sit down on the small table, now nervous for other reasons.

Jae sits opposite of you, a small smile on his face. “Hey you,” he greets.

“hey…” you start, “I hate to change plans so suddenly, but…” crap, you feel really shitty. But you really were between a rock and a hard place.

“everything ok?”

“yeah, no. I actually just got promoted,” you start.

“You did? That’s awesome! So fast, too. Wow—but shouldn’t you be more enthusiastic about it?” he chuckles.

“I am, just—my old supervisor wanted to go to dinner to celebrate. And I don’t think I could say no after helping me out like that.”

“I mean, did you want to skip it or?” Now he’s confused.

“Well, he wanted to go out tonight since I start Monday and today’s Friday…I don’t think I can come over tonight,” you explain.

Realization crosses his features before he gives a small smile. “Don’t worry about it, you’re fine. And he’s treating you! You don’t know when the next time he offers might be,” he continues, “we can celebrate another day anyway.”

“Are you sure?” now you feel like shit.

“Of course I’m sure.”

For the rest of the lunch, a thick silence settles before he excuses himself back to work.

Jaehyun knew this was coming. Nothing ever went his way; it’s why he kept everyone at a distance from his heart. But he was weak when it came to you. This game of push and pull was bound to keep happening, and it only brought him that all familiar foul taste in his mouth.

I know, that sweet love song, Those words of promise

When you turn around, It's just an unfamiliar someone

It was why he decided to go else-where for university, instead of joining you and some of your friends to the one closest to home. He chose to go across the globe—far, far away from the curse of you.

It had started on a windy day, back when you were 4 and new to the town he grew up in. Jaehyun didn’t want to leave his mother’s arms, he didn’t like the thought of being with strangers until later in the day even if his mom promised that she would be back. A little girl with jean overalls like his came up to him and his mom, “why are you crying?”

“I am not!” he sniffed. He didn’t need to make new friends like his mom was trying to tell him. All he needed was to go back home. You took out something from your pocket and showed it to him, “look, my mom said I could give one to my first friend. She said it was sharing. Want one?”

In her little palm, were two kiss chocolates. “You’re not my friend,” he grumbled, “I don’t know your name.” At that, you giggled, “I’m Y/N!” you took his hand and placed a chocolate there, “there, now we’re officially friends.”

“See, Jae? You can spend some time with Y/N and have fun. Before you know it, I’ll be back,” she promised.

“Yeah, Jae! Come play blocks with me, and then we can try the coloring.” You held his hand as you led him deeper into the classroom. Just like that, Jae began to feel a little warmth in his chest. He didn’t mind that his favorite thing to do was play tag outside or that he wasn’t really good at coloring inside lines yet. But that didn’t matter to him. As long as he had this one friend around, he was content.

Sorry I'm an anti-romantic, I want to run far away

My heart that already chases after you, Blazes up as a small flame

Looking back at it now, it was a little funny. All it took to let you in back then was a simple chocolate kiss and your little sticky hand in his leading the way. You were always larger than life to him, sometimes he forgot that you were just as human as him.

As you two continued to grow, nothing seemed to change your friendship. But he knew that the depth of his feelings wasn’t mutual. It was in the way that you brought a lot different people together and decided to call it your family. Another of your friends, Jungwoo, liked to joke that you collected introverts for fun. To Jaehyun, it was more likely that you just didn’t see the fun in leaving people out. You were charming and passionate. Traits he wished he had. Your empathetic nature and gentle disposition were all that Jaehyun needed, even if he wasn’t the only recipient.

Once you guys started to hit puberty, things started to feel rocky. Jaehyun couldn’t help but physically distance himself from you, his ears were always red-hot. You had always been pretty to Jaehyun, but you were starting to become really beautiful. And if the boy’s locker rooms’ talk were anything to go by, then other people were definitely starting to realize “what a great catch” you were.

It really pissed him off. Who were they to say things as if all you were was a piece of meat? It disgusted him. But what disgusted him more was the fact that sometimes, he couldn’t help but also feel the way your body felt in his when you hugged in greeting. He hated the way his body reacted to everything you did.

He first messed around with a senior girl back when he was a sophomore, Sooyoung. She was leaving and he couldn’t take it anymore. Your boyfriend was a piece of trash and he was tired of hearing the way he would share what Jae considered to be intimate moments that had no business being public. But you seemed so happy… that next game, Jae stole the ball from him and scored on his own. Even if it cost him a three hour lecture from the coach, he would do it again. Fuck being a team, that guy was an asshole.

What he hadn’t planned on was liking messing around. He would never admit it, but the reason he couldn’t commit was because he couldn’t get rid of that small grain of hope that glowed in his chest every time you stared at him longer than would be deemed normal. It wasn’t often, but he knew he wasn’t seeing things. So, he succumbed to the cycle of push-and-pull that you guys had going on.

Jaehyun wasn’t blind, he knew that your work definitely spoke of your professionalism, but he’s also seen the way Nakamoto stared after you. Of the way his hand would often touch your waist when walking together. Even now, as he hears you apologize through the phone again as you get ready for your “date” with him he can’t help this heart feel heavy with anger. Anger at himself, for letting you slip away once more. He usually hopes for nothing but the best for you, but this time, he wishes you had an awful dinner.

Sorry I'm an anti-romantic, I don't believe in romance

I'm afraid that after burning my whole heart, It will only leave behind ashes

Throughout the entire dinner, you can’t seem to get Jae out of your mind. It keeps you from enjoying the delicious food, keeps you from keeping your usual banter with Nakamoto.

You’re about to call it a night and thank Nakamoto for inviting you out when he beats you to it, “damn, I was hoping this might be a good break from the usual overtime we do, but something tells me your mind has been elsewhere,” he offers good naturedly, “I know it’s valentine’s, so maybe this is why we feel so awkward, right?”.

You grimace a bit at that, “ah—I’m sorry. I really am grateful for the way you look after me in the company and I’m also thankful for this lovely dinner,” you stop a bit, afraid you might offend him, “I agreed to come out tonight, so no need to feel awkward.” You offer a smile.

“Alright then. I guess you already have your sights on someone?” he prods. Should you be honest? There was no rule against dating outside your department, and you were pretty sure your new boss’s wife also worked within the company. “…I do. But I’m pretty sure they don’t feel the same way. It’s been so long since we’ve known each other. Surely if something were to have happened, it would have by now.” You were loosening up, definitely the wine’s fault.

Nakamoto sighs at that, “damn, and here I thought I could woo you after this,” he winks jokingly but you laugh him off. You knew he didn’t care for you that way. “I really hope you’re talking about the guy you always eat lunch with. I swear everyone thought you guys were married when you were released from training.”

“What?! No, I—we’ve been friends since we were children—”

“Aha! So it was him then,” he smirks. “Good.”

You groan, “Please, no.”

“What, it’s not him? You sure about that?”

“I will neither confirm nor deny that statement,” you groan. Why were you discussing your love life? You push the wine away and take a sip of your water.

“Hmm. That’s too bad. Could have sworn that guy was after you.” He stands up. “But fine, I’ll stop prodding.”

You sigh in relief—“for now.” You groan. “What do you even mean by that? You don’t even know him. Or me, or at least personally at least.”

“Mmm, I don’t have to. Some things you just know. Like how he wishes I was six feet under every time we run across him at work,” he sobers up at that. “He seemed like a cool dude, but his glare isn’t too friendly. I don’t know how you fell for that.”

You scoff, “just because someone has a resting bitch face doesn’t mean they’re a bad person.”

You both make your way to the underground parking. “You’re right, it just makes them unapproachable. Is that why you won’t confess?” His genuine tone rubs you the wrong way, you don’t need be given false hope.

“Stop it, you said you would drop it,” you frown, “Anyways, thank you for the food boss—”

“—not your boss anymore. Just call me Yuta, we’re partners now.”

“Aren’t you two years older than me?”

“And?”

You shrug at that, “well, thanks Yuta. For the food, not for the interrogation.” He chuckles at that, nodding while pulling out his car keys. “see you Monday!” he waves you off.

You sigh as you get home. It wasn’t as late as you thought it was, only a few minutes past nine. You really wanted to see him. Would he be busy?

You fish out your phone and dial his number before chickening out.

“Hello?”

“Jae! It’s me. Are you busy right now?” your heartbeat is pounding so loud, you’re scared he could hear it on the other end. “Right now?” you hear shuffling on the other end, “no, I was just reading that book Jungwoo sent me. Might have dozed off a bit into it but don’t tell him I said that,” he chuckles.

“Why, is everything ok? It’s still early, did you end dinner that fast?”

“Oh, Yuta and I called it a night pretty early. Too many couples were out and about and it got a bit awkward,” you explained.

“Yuta?”

“Ah, yes. Yuta Nakamoto, but now that we’re associates, he said it would be better to address him less formally.” You waive him off, “actually, I was wondering—if it’s not too late, can I still come over? If not, that’s cool. We can still hang out tomorrow, but your birthday is today and I thought—”

He laughs at your rambles, “of course you can come over, you know you don’t have to ask. How many times have I told you that?”

“Ok, ok. Just checking,” you still had your comfy change of clothes in your car, so you opt to save those for tomorrow and change into something causal for tonight.

“Do you want me to go get you? We can get ice cream on the way, hopefully they don’t close early.”

“Sounds like a plan then,” curse your heart for melting at everything he says.

“Alright, give me 15 and I’ll be there.” He hangs up.

You look at your bag, resting on your sofa and you sigh. The entire night, it’s almost as if you could feel the weight of his gift weighing it down. Yuta is known for being very observant, it’s why he was so good at his job. Closing deals and making contracts in advertisement. Would he be right about this? You know you desperately wish he was, but is it worth risking your best friend?

EndNote | Woooow, that was a longass ride. Let me know if you liked it or if there are other typos I missed! Or just to let me know what you thought, that would be much appreciated. I'm thinking of finishing it by Sunday 6/13, so hopefully the next part is up by then. Until then!

Here's Part 2!

133 notes · View notes

kingsuckjin · 3 years

Text

Jimin's Body- Teaser

⫸ possessed Jimin x reader

⫸ Genre: horror, (Jennifer's body au)

⫸ Rating: M (18+ for eventual smut and very dark themes)

⫸ Warnings: (for this teaser only) demonic possession, blood, low self worth, mention of being a loner, question of a heart attack, embarrassing childhood story, Jimin might be being teased, hmmm Tae's house is haunted maybe?

⫸ About: This wasn't the party Jimin thought it would be. After the party you knew Jimin wasn't the person you thought he once was either... that is, if he’s a person at all anymore.

⫸ Words:1.8k

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"Taehyung, stop fucking with everyone." You scolded as Jimin stared wide-eyed at the ceiling at the light that had just flickered out.

He had to look tough with you sitting in the circle right across from him on the brown, shag-carpeted floor of this basement that looked like it and its living room-like furniture hadn’t been touched or updated since the 70’s.

It was supposed to be a party, and there indeed was one upstairs blasting music but muffled by the floor above.

You were all supposed to be playing a childish and tipsy game of spin the bottle in the basement.

Jimin was supposed to kiss you. He had only come here because he wanted to spend time with you because you invited him, but so far nothing was going as planned.

"He's not fucking with anyone his house is haunted." Jungkook chuckled while Taehyung gave you a boxy grin.

Jimin couldn't tell if they were lying or not, he didn't really know anyone here but you and Seokjin, who had already passed out on the basement couch across the room, oblivious to everything happening.

Jimin also thought maybe they were all playing a joke on him, he hadn't said a word to anyone but you and Jin since he had got here.

"He's not lying, I saw a ghost once when I stayed over. I don't even believe in ghosts." The rather stoic guy named Yoongi spoke with his arms crossed.

"Tell them the story Tae." Jungkook urged.

Taehyung's eyes flitted around the circle to each person's face, possibly pausing to add anticipation.

"A woman died in this house."

"So what? People die everywhere, it doesn't mean a place is haunted." You spoke up, already seeming like you didn’t believe him right from the start.

"She was murdered," Taehyung added.

"Sure." You scoffed as you rolled your eyes.

"She was. Right here in the basement. She ran from the killer and hid in the basement and locked herself in the bathroom. She was supposedly very beautiful and vain. Sometimes if you look in the mirror and tell yourself how nice you look, she'll get jealous and appear, maybe she'll even steal your soul if you're pretty enough."

Although Jimin had been a little scared at first. He couldn't help but stifle a laugh and a smile at how cliché Taehyung's ghost story sounded and suddenly all eyes in the circle were on him.

"What? You don't believe me?" Taehyung raised his eyebrows at Jimin.

"No one does, Tae. Even if the house is haunted you're obviously dramatizing it." You scoffed.

"I believe it," Yoongi muttered.

"Go in there and do it Jimin." Jungkook urged pointing to a darkened doorway in the basement.

"Oh Jimin, you made her mad." Taehyung teased as he watched the light above begin to flicker back to life just before dying again.

Jimin could feel the "are you serious?" look on his face that he was now giving Jungkook. He didn't know any of these people but you, and you were the one he was afraid of looking like a coward in front of. He cursed at himself in his head for laughing at Taehyung's bad ghost story. He should've just stayed quiet like he always did.

"Go on." Jungkook urged again, ignoring Jimin's surprised look.

"Guys don't. This isn't how you treat new friends. Can we please go back to-"

"Too scared?" Yoongi now asked Jimin.

"No." He answered more confidently than he felt. Should he be scared? Probably not. Taehyung's story was shit and everyone in the room knew it. They were obviously just picking on him because he was a new friend and shy, right? Jimin didn't really have many friends until he started working at the restaurant with you and Seokjin, he was always just too shy and quiet for friends to really stick. But what if he simply just wasn't this time? What if he became the outgoing popular Jimin he always wanted to be and started over with these new friends. What if he pretended to be everything he wasn't? That’s why he came tonight, he thought if maybe he was all of those things finally, maybe you’d want him. He wasn’t about to mess up the charade he was doing okay at putting on now.

Jimin stood from his place in the circle of new friends on the floor, trying to stop his nervous legs from shaking.

"So what do I do?" He was wanting to prove them wrong, show them that he wasn't scared and this was all bullshit, even though he knew in the back of his mind that this was how every horror movie and story started.

"Jimin you don't have t-" you were interrupted by a smirking Taehyung. Jimin wondered how he could be so chill about this if it was real.

"Go in the bathroom, don't turn on the lights, look in the mirror, and tell yourself you're pretty and genuinely mean it."

"Oh, so you can all hear me and laugh at me?" Jimin saw a new ploy to their jokes.

"No ones going to laugh at you." Taehyung was serious as he looked Jimin in the eye.

"You've got more balls than I do, new guy." Jimin heard Yoongi say as he looked towards the dark basement bathroom. Something about their suddenly serious tones of voices and the way they were looking at one another now made the fear and nervousness in Jimin’s stomach rise once again.

"I swear if you're tricking him or you plan on actually making fun of him I swear I won't be your guy's friend anymore, I mean it." Your tone was deadly serious at the group and that gave Jimin some reassurance.

"It's not a joke," Taehyung replied in a way that took away any shred of confidence Jimin had left. What was worse, his new friends playing a prank on him and wanting to embarrass him or something actually happening? Jimin felt fucked either way but still made his legs carry him to the bathroom as he tried to shake off the unsettling feeling Taehyung’s story had left him with.

He wondered if they would stop him and tell him they were just kidding, but as he closed the door and the complete darkness took over the room, he lost any hope of that happening.

The bathroom smelled musty unlike the livable rest of the basement. Although it was a full bathroom with a sink, tub, and toilet, the walls were unfinished. It just felt like someone had given up on the room long ago.

Jimin placed his hands on each side of the cool, white porcelain sink and looked at himself thoroughly in the mirror in front of him. How was he supposed to tell himself he was good looking and mean it? Jimin felt like he was a timid, friendless, freak. Even this incident reminded him of a sleepover he had in first grade where he got scared and peed his pants and all the boys laughed at him. He knew you'd never want him, not when he was too shy to finally make a move, not when you had all of these cool guy friends.

Jimin placed his hand on his cheek and let his thumb drift over his lips. Have you ever once thought he was handsome? Just once? If you did you wondered what you thought about. Maybe you liked his lips and thought about how good they would feel pressed to yours… or even other places on your body.

Maybe you liked his hair and thought about how nice it would feel to run your hands through it. Perhaps his body? As a dancer, Jimin knew his body was in shape but was it good enough for you to imagine on top of you?

He finally came to the conclusion that maybe he had more in the looks department than most did. That was when he let the words pass his lips.

"I'm attractive."

The affirmation felt good, he had never once thought to do this before. He continued to look over his features and think about what you might like about him.

"My lips are nice, my hair is nice, my body is nice and I'm so attractive. I'm pretty."

Jimin began to understand that the others in that room weren't him, they were nothing like him. He had things that they didn't, many things they didn't. Even in the kindness department, Jimin had a leg up, after all, who sends a new friend into a bathroom to scare them? Did they even want to really be friends with him? Probably not. Perhaps they did this out of jealousy. They were probably jealous Jimin was better looking than them, he was a better person than them. They wanted you and couldn't have you, Jimin could.

All Jimin could see in the mirror was darkness all but the beautiful features of his face. He didn't feel the smirk that erupted on it, but he saw it in the mirror and it felt so right.

"I'm the most beautiful here. I am."

Jimin was so lost in himself that he barely noticed the shadow right behind him, reaching out for him with its dark, spindly fingers each tapered to a claw tip.

Jimin did however see the dark liquid begin to drop from his nose, run down his full pips and chin before dripping onto the white porcelain sink in front of him.

He doubled over with the sudden pain in his chest that hit him faster than a lightning strike. It felt like his heart was being tightened in a vice.

He collapsed completely onto the cold, cracked tiled floor in the dark grunting with a ringing growing overwhelmingly loud in his ears as he waited for the squeezing in his chest to pop his heart like a water balloon.

Could anyone hear him? Surely someone had to. What was happening? He wondered if he was suffering a heart attack. Was he dying?

The pain was so terrible and felt like it was lasting so long that Jimin had tried to dig his fingers into the tile until his knuckles turned white.

Over the piercing ringing, Jimin could hear soft whispers that didn't make sense at first. The whispering of a woman. The longer he listened as his vision began to fade, the more he was able to make sense of the words.

"Let me in. I can make your dreams come true. I can give you everything you want, just let me in Jimin." Whatever it was knew his name, and it knew about you and how much he liked you. it felt like whatever the voice was was burrowing around in his brain looking for something.

Jimin felt weaker and weaker as his struggling against the pain lessened the more he decided to give up.

"Fine." Jimin had struggled to say, but once he did, everything stopped. Everything turned black, even his thoughts of you had melted away into the darkness.

387 notes · View notes

shyrose57 · 3 years

Note

Brothers anon, hope your doing well!

1: Ran feels the same both before and after Ran forgave Ranbob. He cant help but feel guilty and tends to avoid bringing up past memories incase Ranbob doesnt remember them, cause he can't stand to see the confused look in Ranbobs eyes that soon turn to one full of sadness and a sort of emptiness. It makes Ran feel awful. It also causes Ran to think that their childhood and old relationship is gone. Which particularly keeps Ran distant from his brother, because he's scared and doesn't want to redo everything if Ranbob will just forget it.

8: All of the above. Cletus is a chaotic shit that loves creating and hearing about anything chaotic. Also he has burned down a few things in the past so he is a bit of a anarchist. They just had those cards, after all they knew they where gonna travel for a bit so why not bring playing cards to try to provide entertainment?

11: I forget if I said that (if I did then I changed it) but Ranbob actually knows that Ran is most likely dead as he wouldn't survive the night, but he still has some hope that his little brother survived.

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3: It was scary for him but because of the sudden turn of events he didn't really have time to register his feelings before he was getting smacked around and blinded. And yes cause Ran deserves a overprotective arc to show him that his group does love and care for him even if he thinks otherwise.

10: The townspeople act rationally to defend themselves. Even if that means they start fights because their not being respectful or kind.

11: I'm not sure what they are. All I know is their the parent figure of the friend group but will also bite your ankles at a moments notice just because they want too.

14: Or Foolish just punts Jackie into the sand to protect his home from a possibility destructive teen. (I'm thinking yes to both of those, and we get to see one of the siblings embrace their enderside and just go crazy on Raq which leads to murder and trauma!)

15: For the cursing one I just love to imagine something like.

Ranbob: *accidentally knocks over a stack of books* Shit!

Baby Ran: Shit!

Ranbob: *freezes and turns to look at Ran*

Baby Ran: *innocently smiling* Shit!

Ranbob: rAN NO--

(I've decided the group for this is going to be Technoblade, Phil, Ranboo, Tubbo, Karl, and Sapnap, and I may name the sub au like Brothers + Others cause it rhymes and I find it slightly funny). Oh Foolish is going to be terrified and scared for his safety, he's gonna have two hyper active teens climbing him like he's a jungle gym. Ran didnt want to help at first because he was to suspicious of them, but when proof was provided he changed his mind, and decided to take a risk to help them, but he still doesn't trust them fully. Plus, he felt bad after hearing their story, and couldn't help but sympathize with them because he felt that lost and confused at one time, and its a awful feeling. And while he won't admit it, he's curious about Ranboo and wants to talk to and get to know Technoblade, after all he did choose Techno as his idol. When the group first visited Kelalen, they got the Orphan Slayer as a gift, and because they did express some interests in going back to Mizu to see what they can do about Dream, so they got it to help them. So when Technoblade shows off his Orphan Slayer as possible proof, Watson brings out the groups Orphan Slayer and the two exact duplicate swords (expect for some nics on the GF group's sword) take most by surprise, and serve as some proof. Ranboo brings up his memory book, and since Ranbob read a bit of it, the two are able to perfectly recite a page of the book. And Karls watch, book he has of both Mizu and the Pit, and his knowledge about all groups are also proof. But even after proof the GF group is still somewhat suspicious that their who they say they are, but eventually they come to fully believe them. Ranbob is in awe. Because his ancestor is in front of him! He can ask questions he had about the history of the SMP and finally get answers! But he is also scared, because why is his dead ancestor here? Why are there so many others? What does this mean for him? Theres so much uncertainty that its hard for him to relax. The enderman hybrids get along well enough, but since Ranbob is a anxious mess, Ranboo is also an anxious and nervous mess, and Ran is bad with emotions, they dont get along super well. Tubbo and Jackie get along well and love to share stories about their respective enderman friend. Sapnap, Cletus, and Grievous get along well and even with Sapnaps current predicament, he still joins in with jokes and pranks. Karl, Phil, Isaac, Watson, and Benjamin get along very well with their habit of leading and taking care of their friends, and because their the ones planning what to do with everything going on. Technoblade doesn't really get along super well with anyone from the GF group, but he takes an interest in Ran and Watson. Only Technoblade, Tubbo, and Phil are Ranboos haunting. Ranboo tries to get close to his decedents, and he success in some places but fails in others. The time group doesn't know about Ranbobs possession, purely because Ranbob begs his group to not tell them. But the time group also suspects that something is up, and while Sapnap and Techno want to push to find out what it is but they dont because Phil yells at them. For the fighting, Phil and Ranboo want to help but are told not too for now. Saying them intervening could make things worse. So they don't. But Ranboo breaks the rule cause he cant stand hearing the two fight anymore.

Hi, and same to you!

1: Oh, ouch. The way you phrased it, he thinks Ranbob could still forget? Does Ran not know Dream caused it?

8: FGHJK-Anon. Anon. Hearing Cletus was a bit of an anarchist, just, made my day. Holy heck. Can you imagine Quackity’s reaction to hearing that? Oh my god, that’d be so funny.

The cards are the only game they brought? Sounds like it might get boring quick. And a bored group makes for a chaotic one.

11: Ah, so it was a hope thing. Hm. I don’t think I’ve asked before- feel free to correct me if I have-, but, if Ranbob thought Ran was dead, how did he feel upon finding out he was alive-especially considering the circumstances.

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3: Poor Ran. But also, yes! Overprotective arc! Let everyone go feral for the dude who’s always ready to do the same for them.

10: Hmm.

11(?): They...sound...interesting??? Honestly, I don’t think that answer settled my nerves at all, but y’know what, none of my business. The gremlin friend is whatever they are, and I will not question it further.

14: Jackie’s just getting tossed around everywhere, huh. First by Ran, then by Foolish, who’s next up to yeet the child? (Also, yay! Murder and trauma, always fun!)

15: Pfft, oh goodness. That must’ve been fun to explain to his parents.

----------------

Hey, it does rhyme! Nice.

Poor Foolish. He had a mostly nice life before Tubbo’s return, probably. Oh well. And Techno’s got a traumatized fan now, that’ll be interesting. What does he do with his new-old future sword? Duel wield? Let the GF group keep it?

Two anxious endermen and one who’s bad with emotions, what emotional pain will they cause each other?

What kind of stories do Jackie and Tubbo share? Funny ones? Blackmail?

Sapnap, Cletus, and Grievous sound like a terrifying force, and honestly, for the sake of everyone else, I hope a prank war never sparks between them and Tubbo and Jackie.

Do the leaders of the group all kind of take charge together in light of this situation? In what ways does Ranboo succeed, and in what ways does he fail? How does Sapnap and Karl not being part of his haunting effect their relationship with the GF gang, considering they all are? Do they ever become part of a haunting?

Do they find out about the possession, and if so, reactions? What happens when Ranboo involves himself in the fighting? Does it get better, or worse?

#Brothers AU #dream smp #dream smp au #tales from the smp #ranbob #ranboo

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sophi-s · 3 years

Text

Cost of Kindness

Chapter III: Between joy and sorrow

By: sophi-s

Fandom: Darksiders video games

Words: 7,405

Characters: Raphael, Darksiders OC

Warnings: None

Summary:

After a crazy adventure outside of Haven, Nicola finally is in shape to try and find her way back. As sad as she is about it, she bids her farewells to her new angel friend. However, it seems Raphael isn't quite ready to say goodbye just yet. And so the fearful human finds herself in the company of an archangel stuck to her like glue.

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Until the sun peered shyly from behind the horizon to announce the arrival of another dawn, Nicola slept like a log. Literally. She hadn't stirred throughout the whole time of her dreamless, magically induced sleep. Were it not for her steady breathing, because as pale and motionless as she was, some might have thought her dead, not sleeping. After long hours, she finally opened her eyes as the remnants of the arcane haze fell and left her mind unshackled. The fog receded from her sight and she was fully expecting the ceiling of the room she occupied in Haven to greet her. Only to be met with disappointment when the dark interior of an underground tunnel filled her vision instead.

For a couple of seconds she was absolutely stunned, unsure where she was or why. The shock of waking up in a strange place had her frozen while her brain was trying to process what in the actual Hell was happening like when she awoke after her first night spent in the Maker Tree. Slowly, the memories of the recent events creeped back into her head. Raphael. Kitten. Demons. My leg… Right… She did feel much better than before but still a little woozy, possibly because half of her brain wasn't fully awake just yet. Massaging her eyelids to rub away the vestiges of sleep, Nicola sat up and scrutinized her surroundings blinking groggily. The same, damp sewer, the same cold darkness. Yawn, which followed, was so wide one might think Nicola intended to swallow everything in this "room".

Out of the corner of her eye she saw the aforementioned angel sitting a couple of feet away, supporting his head on his hand, elbow on his knee while a small cat slept in the rumpled fabric of his green waistcoat. His hood concealed his features as his wings rested against his back and shoulders which steadily moved up and down in the rhythm of a calm breathing. For a moment it might have seemed Raphael was dozing as well but at the quietest move Nicola made, his wary eyes open to look at her without any traces of sleep in them, glimmering like two bright stars from the shadow the hood was casting over his face. It was so abrupt that it made her jump a little.

"Oh! H- hi! Good morning. If it is morning, I mean.."

At her greeting, the cat perked its head up with a "mrowf" noise and shot her a dirty look for daring to interrupt its rest before yawning almost as widely as she did. Raphael answered her with a nod and a small, affirmative sound in the back of his throat but otherwise remained quiet, content with watching her in silence when Nicola leaned down to inspect her thigh and determine whether or not she was in shape for walking anywhere. And to her not unpleasant surprise, the wound was almost fully healed and moving her leg wasn't painful anymore. She did feel the recently present damage to her muscle but she wouldn't call it "pain". More like strain. And that was in like seventy percent of her body from the previous day, even if not as intense as she expected it to be. She really did over exert herself quite a bit. Still, with all certainty she could say Raphael did an unbelievably good job. If only human doctors were in possession of even a teeny tiny part of the healing abilities he had, the world would've been a much safer place.

Though, she couldn't really decide whether the fact that her leg seemed to be perfectly fine was a good thing or not. On the one hand it would mean that nothing hindered her any longer. If the sun is really up then she should wait no longer and set out to make sure the nightfall doesn't catch her again and look for a way back home. Home… In spite of herself she smiled sadly. How quickly she started to refer to Haven as her second home. Her own was irreversibly lost after all.. Reduced to nothing but a grim rubble with all her childhood memories buried underneath. Nicholas died so that she may get out of there alive. He would love it in Haven if he had a chance to see it… In this last safe sanctum for her kind, other survivors, makers.. They were her new family. She could only imagine how they're feeling right now. She should've been back ages ago. She has to return as quickly as possible. The idea of asking Vulgrim for help wasn't completely off the table. She could probably promise him something in return for taking her to the Tree and give it to him later. Nicola can be pretty convincing if she has to but she wouldn't put that past Vulgrim to deny her still. She'd have to play it smart should she fail to find the way back herself. He doesn't trade in favors in exchange for promises after all. No matter. One way or another, she will get back to Haven. That, or she can say goodbye to her wretched life.

But on the other hand… Glancing up at Raphael, who was half-busying himself with petting the very content cat and half-watching her, she realised with a twinge that she'll have to leave him. In those few short hours he'd done so much for her.. so many things she was grateful for… And on top of that, with how sad and lonely he was, Nicola couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor man. She'd never met an angel before and hadn't come to know one well but those she'd seen when this nightmare started didn't make a good impression on her. Raphael was so much different from his kin. She still wasn't sure why he decided to help her even though he didn't have to. And that made her feel empathetic towards him, especially every time he gave her this suffering look which told her a long story of pain and misery. Nicola may have known him for barely a couple hours, if not less, but somehow the thought of leaving him here possibly never to see him again was making her heart sink. Because of the apocalypse, she was running really low on friends and so no one could blame her for wanting to keep every single one she had left or recently made. And honestly, after the angel saved her life and treated her wounds she would lie if she said he wasn't on the right path into the alarmingly small circle of people she held dear to her. Such experiences have a way of bringing people closer to one another, despite the differences they may possess. And besides, what would leaving him here be if not cruelty?

"You seem… troubled."

Raphael stated, making Nicola look at him again. Even after only a few hours spent with her, he sensed her current mood without a mistake. He was pretty insightful. Not that Nicola was trying overly hard to hide it but still. Maybe that's just something the angels do. She sighed in response. I really am.. She thought. It wasn't as though she didn't have a lot to be grim about but this particular thought at the forefront of her brain bothered her the most at this given moment. She didn't want to go just like that but she knew she had to. If only to make sure other guys are alright. But honestly she doubted that Ulthane would ever let her out of his sight again after the stunt she pulled, no matter what she tells him afterwards. In turn, this might be the last time she sees the kind and selfless, not all there angel. Whether she likes it or not, it was time to bid farewell.

"I… I wanted to thank you again for what you did for me."

She started as she stood up - still a bit wobbly from all the crazy stuff that happened so recently - looking around in search of her backpack and shotgun. Both were resting under a wall not far from where she was laid down before, right next to the place where the mummified Goreclaw used to be. Raphael must've moved it further down the sewer where the rest of the corpses were when she was sleeping. Sooner or later it would start attracting pesky flies and other nasty vermin if not things far worse, not to mention the smell of decomposing meat. A little reluctantly, she flung the backpack over her shoulder and picked up her gun before turning to face Raphael. An increasingly unsettled Raphael who seemed to have taken the hint what she intended to do.

"Really, thanks. It's been very nice to meet you. But I have to go now."

"Go? Where to?"

The barely audible note of fear in his voice and the look he gave her made Nicola feel even worse for having to part ways with him.

"I'm going.. home."

Nicola to some extent knew how to read certain people but the blank stare of the angel before her was giving her a really hard time.

"Look, I can't stay here and I'm sorry but I have to go.."

She said hesitantly and turned towards the exit from the tunnel to leave for the surface, quietly wishing she didn't suck at saying her goodbyes. This was one of her greater weaknesses, right after small animals. Especially cats.

"Goodbye. And good luck! I hope we'll meet again.."

With that short farewell, Nicola turned away to walk off into the sewer and begin her search for Haven. But a firm grip on her shoulder stopped her from taking more steps and made her glance back in bewilderment. Somehow, Raphael shifted from a sitting position to standing and closed the distance between himself and Nicola in one beat without producing a single sound. Not going to lie, it was quite scary and Nicola couldn't help a startled squeak that escaped her. But even though he spooked her yet again, the distressed face he pulled made Nicola bite her lower lip. And the hesitant plea leaving his mouth made it even worse.

"Stay…"

"I- I can't! I really need to go!"

"Please…?"

Raphael quietly begged her. His flared and bristled wings were quivering anxiously and his face bore the most pitiful pleading look she'd ever seen. God, why do you have to make this so difficult? It was strange. He'd been doing fine without Nicola for who knows how long. Well… fine might not be the right word to use in this case but whatever. Though, now that she thinks about it, it makes sense that he wouldn't want to be left alone again. Especially because loneliness doesn't serve healthy people well and Raphael looked like someone who could use the help of a specialist. Still, Nicola found herself asking.

"Why do you want me to stay?"

Instead of answering, Raphael glanced down from her face, looking at the point on her chest, just below her collarbone. Nicola awkwardly cleared her throat to get his attention once she felt like his gaze was going right through her mortal shell and piercing into her very core.

"Uhh.. What exactly are you thinking about?"

Not bothered by it, Raphael squinted and lifted his forefinger, extending it to the place he was looking at. And seriously, for a second Nicola was considering batting his hand away since it could without a doubt be viewed as invasion of personal space when the pad of his finger connected with her chest where it ended and her neck began. And in this moment white flash passed through Nicola's eyes, followed by a deathly chill somewhere inside, tearing into her heart from within with icy claws like a vicious beast. As though someone had poured freezing cold water into her body. And amidst this coldness was a tiny wisp of warmth pressed against her ribcage, as if it was trying to get out. To get as close to Raphael as possible. She gasped in shock and fear and from the unexpected and not physical pain - so intense it made her feel sick - which wasn't really… her own. She felt it, experienced it but she knew it wasn't hers. Somehow Nicola knew that it belonged to someone else. And this someone was standing right in front of her.

Slowly but surely, it was starting to make sense. Why Raphael was constantly so shaky, so easily frightened, so… wrong. It all lasted barely a fraction of a second before both she and Raphael abruptly backed away with astonishment painted across their faces. Neither of them was entirely sure what on God's green earth just happened or why it happened. Whatever it was, neither of them would say it felt pleasant. Nicola was fairing better than the angel however. While she was only mildly frightened and befuddled, he immediately retreated into the corner and curled up on the floor, wrapping himself up in a feathery cocoon of his wings, trembling like a leaf on a gale.

"Raphael..?"

She huffed trying to steady her own breathing as she cautiously approached him just when he started to mutter obscene nonsense again. This time Nicola couldn't even determine what exactly he was saying. He spoke way too quickly and he was only able to pick up single words like "torment", "soul" or "help". This odd sensation, this pain she felt was undoubtedly in him. All. The time. Every day of his existence. It became clear. Nicola could imagine that even she would sooner or later go absolutely mad if the suffering he's experiencing without a moment of rest was hers. It was nothing short of a miracle that he retained at least some small semblance of who he used to be. Ever since she came to him, he did start to make more sense than before, possibly because she could at least partially distract him from this pain. But if he needed distraction, why would he leave his White City behind? Angels may have been mean to her race but surely they would help out their brother in need, right?

All questions Nicola had most likely could be answered by a story of his past which he wasn't ready to reveal just yet. Perhaps, if she's careful enough, one day he will open up and tell her about it. But until then, she remained in darkness of uncertainty. Still, she couldn't help but wonder.. Carefully, she crouched and laid her hand on Raphael's shaking shoulder, making his head snap up with a fearful look to his round, empty glowing eyes.

"Who… who did this to you?"

The angel opened his mouth as if to answer her but no words came out. Only a soft huff. Tears welled up in Nicola's eyes when his face scrunched up in something between anguish and misery. And that was enough for her to snap. In spite of herself, Nicola reached around the angel's neck and pulled him into a tight hug burying her face into the side of his green hood which despite the stench surrounding everything here still held a barely noticeable scent of something that brought to mind clean cotton with a tint of vanilla. His entire body went rigid as she did but only for a moment. Merely seconds later, he relaxed, his breathing evened out and he moved his own arms around her back to return the embrace that brought a tiny bit of comfort that could at least partially fill the emptiness he felt within for so long he couldn't even remember how it is to not feel it.

"Don't leave me alone…"

He breathed against her ear, clinging to her desperately as if letting go of her would mean his inevitable end. Up this close, Nicola could feel his heart - much bigger and more powerful than her human one - hammering uneasily against his ribcage. Similar, but completely different. And for some reason, her own heart suddenly skipped and beat once alongside his in the exact same rhythm before everything returned to normal. Or maybe she was just imagining things? Possibly…

This warm and tight embrace, even though it was meant to comfort him, still gave Nicola an odd feeling of safety. All of the sudden Raphael seemed to her not like a stranger she met by chance not even a day ago but like a good, old friend she knew she can trust no matter what. The decision of leaving Raphael behind was difficult enough before but now… her heart fell to pieces. It was next to impossible. She couldn't just leave him like this. He doesn't deserve to be abandoned again. No one does.

What do I do? Nicola knew she could neither stay with him, nor can she return to Haven without risking that her conscience would make her feel shitty for the rest of her goddamned days and that a thought that she doomed some poor soul to descend into utter insanity would make her share his fate. But there has to be something she can do.. Anything.. Then, an epiphany struck her.

"Wait.."

She said once Raphael let her go and she could look him in the eye as he gave her a questioning yet hopeful stare.

"You could come with me!"

"Come with you..?"

"Yeah! The Tree is much safer than here and there's a lot of useful stuff there. Also, it doesn't stink that much…"

Not only that. Other survivors, even as skeptical as they are towards angels, surely wouldn't mind Raphael poking around. Having a skilled healer on their side would certainly change their mind even if they weren't eager to let him stay. Ulthane, Elanya and Yarin can be persuaded if they don't agree at first. After all, if Raphael's presence will mean that "wee uns' " are even safer, then Nicola couldn't think of a reason why they shouldn't relent. Not to mention that Raphael can fly. It would make it a child's play to find the Tree. Back in Haven she could also get the poor angel patched up and cleaned up a bit, since he himself is in a rather sorry state. That's the least she could do for him in return. Only one thing was left to do, considering how uncertain Raphael looked. Convince him.

"What is this… Tree?"

"This is a safe place for us, humans, and it's… kinda our new home now."

Before, Nicola was absolutely certain Raphael's eyes couldn't turn bigger and rounder but he was very quick to prove her wrong. Not to lie, it was quite impressive. He blinked a couple of times as if to make sure he heard it right.

" 'Us' ? There is… more of you out there..?"

Nicola nods enthusiastically once she realises she's on the right path.

"Yeah! Ulthane made us a safe place to-"

"Ulthane?"

He interrupted with confusion on his face, making Nicola stop in mid sentence to look at him questioningly.

"Ulthane… the Black Hammer?"

"Yes, he's a-.. Wait… you know him?"

Humming thoughtfully, Raphael drummed his fingers against the cold floor. His answer didn't clarify much however.

"No.. Azrael does.."

"Who?"

An angel most likely. Probably one of Raphael's former acquaintances. Mentioning this "Azrael" seemed to have brought some memories back, very fond ones at that since for the first time today, a ghost of a smile passed across Raphael's face and an absent look in his eyes turned warmer and not so frightened anymore.

"Friend.."

Seriously, for a moment Nicola wanted to say that she's sorry because she just assumed that Raphael's friend could be dead but she bit her tongue before she could tell him that when she realised he actually used the present tense and not past. Which indicates that Azrael, whoever he is, is still out there somewhere. Instead, she wanted to tell him more about Haven but he once again interrupted her.

"The Balance is upset.. the Third Kingdom is vital to it… Humans. Humans live still? Not everything is lost then.."

Oh boy, here we go again. Unwittingly, Nicola pulled an annoyed face. For the umpteenth time, Raphael unintentionally made her feel like an uneducated imbecile. Why is the Universe even more complicated than we initially thought?

"Yes, he does the right thing.. They need a protector."

Nicola decided to patiently wait until Raphael is finished thinking out loud, even though she once again had no clue what he's saying. What Balance? Third Kingdom? The what?

"The Horsemen cannot do this alone… It is the duty of us all… to- to uphold the Balance."

The WHO??? Nicola could only imagine how stupid she looked with that dumb face she just made. What. The actual fuck. The Horsemen? As in… the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? They are real too? So it is a legit end of the world like the one in the Bible! How lovely! It's honestly a miracle that anyone has lived if that's the case. What else? Maybe it will suddenly turn out that snow is warm, sun is cold and skunks don't stink. Though with all the chaos going on around, Nicola would hardly be surprised if dogs suddenly started chirping and birds barking. She really just wished for the things to calm down already.. Returning to normal seemed to be off the table unfortunately but for God's sake, can the demons at least just go home or something? But… Now that she thinks about it… Could the mysterious warrior clad in crimson be one of the infamous Four? He didn't look like an angel, even though he bore quite a few similarities to Heaven's denizens, nor did he seem purely demonic in nature. And he was there when the Apocalypse began.. Curious. Especially because if it wasn't for his interference, Nicola would have probably been dead by now. All he did was stop for just a second to tear the bus door out once he saw her struggling to open it from the inside. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't, who knows? Eventually, Raphael glanced at her with a more certain look on his face.

"You don't stand a chance. Not against the Destroyer."

Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.. Nicola thought, still having the clear image of the flaming dragon standing barely fifteen feet away from where she was hiding in her head as if it happened yesterday. He was terrifying, no one is taking this away from him, but screw that! That's one gigantic motherfucker. Nicola was pretty sure she could comfortably live in a room that was the size of his goddamned head. If he tried to eat her, she'd probably get stuck between his teeth at best. And so far that's the last place she wanted to find herself in. She really didn't need help in figuring out that a bunch of humans still shitting their pants at the sight of a single Wicked could stand up to the bloody Destroyer. What are they, the legendary dragon-slaying knights or something? Not to be pessimistic or anything.. but Nicola wouldn't be surprised if that thing could kill her by so much as breathing in her direction. He does breathe fire after all. It goes without saying that he also has a huge horde of ugly assholes under his whim, jumping at the tiniest flick of his tail. So yeah. Chances for success in an open confrontation are pretty miniscule. Fortunately, what Raphael said next made her sigh with relief.

"You need all the help you can get… I will come. If this is your wish…"

Victory! Now that was the solid dose of serotonin Nicola had been missing for quite some time. Not only can she return home and assure her strange little family that she's alright but also she doesn't have to leave her newfound friend behind. Her conscience will stay clean, Raphael will be safe in Haven, maybe even recover to some extent, and the humans will have a powerful angel healer on their side. To her it was a win-win.

"You will?! That's awesome, thanks!"

Nicola was quick to gather her humble possessions and waited for Raphael to get up and take whatever he needed. But surprisingly, all he took was the kitten which he held against his chest since it wasn't really pleased about being manhandled but the angel simply ran his finger through the fur on its head to put it back to sleep again before depositing it to a small knapsack he had on his belt where it could rest safely. Apparently, he wasn't attached to anything he stored in his hideout over the time he spent here. Well, there weren't many useful things to take anyway. At least that's what Nicola thought before, because Raphael leaned over one of the bigger crates and reached for something apparently hidden behind it. And oh boy, the thing he pulled out… An ornate, gilded staff, as tall as Nicola is. The centerpiece was flanked by two slender serpents coiling around it in a beautiful, symmetrical way to the very top crowned by a pair of wings and a ring between them.

"Whoa…"

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't hide her amazement. That was some sick looking staff. The design seemed to ring a bell but she couldn't quite tell where exactly. Unlike Raphael himself, the staff was well kept, clean and undamaged, even if a bit tarnished. Apparently in his solitude, the angel cared for it well and often. For this last piece of home he has, Nicola realised with a pang of sadness. Even in his fond expression she could see the attachment to this one small part of his past. Okay, maybe not that small… Once Raphael was ready and glanced at Nicola to confirm it, she nodded and walked off into the dark tunnel with the angel trailing after her like a duckling.

"Oh, and by the way…"

Considering what Nicola had seen before, she figured it would be best to warn Raphael about some of Haven's denizens. Well.. by some she specifically meant Vulgrim. Despite his queer way of being and shiftiness, Nicola still somewhat liked him. The demon merchant was hardly a good material for a friend but so far he proved only two things to her. That he can be cunning and annoying. And that he's unbelievably helpful. And in truth, Nicola couldn't help but grow a little fond of her exceptional neighbour. Especially because Vulgrim was the only demon so far that didn't try to kill her where she stood but instead engaged in a conversation. That might be because he's just scared of Ulthane but he seemed rather harmless. Hell, he even sometimes provided useful resources if Haven could afford a trade with him. In a way, he too was helping humans survive. But if he suddenly jumped out of that Serpent Hole of his… Nicola could already see Raphael blasting the demon into Oblivion without a second thought. And that was something she didn't want to happen. Better safe than sorry.

"There's this… guy sometimes swinging by to say hello to us.."

Even as she spoke, she didn't stop walking and the quiet tapping of the end of the staff against the floor told her that Raphael kept following. How do I explain to an angel that a demon means no harm?

"The name's Vulgrim. He's a little… Ugh, how do I put it?"

"A demon… Crafty fiend, far more powerful than he lets on. Yet, so… deceivingly docile.."

Nicola halts as though she's just come face first into an invisible barrier once she heard Raphael grumble distastefully to himself. Turning around, she gawked at him with non hidden shock. And while she expected anger or at least disgust, Raphael looked rather… resigned for the lack of a better term. And only ever so slightly annoyed.

"You know Vulgrim?"

That literally came out of nowhere. The description of Vulgrim Raphael just gave was so unbelievably accurate. Nicola already suspected that the demon is much more dangerous than he seems but simply refuses to put his power to use and do something constructive with it. And now she got a confirmation. From a very unlikely source but still. Raphael was quick to offer a clarification and answered her question with his own.

"Who doesn't?"

"Ah, that's fair.."

She chuckled. Vulgrim is that kind of a "person", who seems to know everyone and has been to pretty much everywhere. He offers his merchandise to every creature that can afford it and it shouldn't be that surprising that some people, even angels like Raphael know him, or at least know of him. She suspected the latter part in this case. This makes it much easier to explain to Raphael that he's a friend.

"He's cool though! He's helping us keep it together and doesn't really bother anyone in the Tree. Vulgrim is really helpful if he wants to."

To this, Raphael answered with a doubtfully raised eyebrow and a thoughtful hum. He didn't seem convinced but what he said fully satisfied Nicola.

"Hmmmm… so I was told.."

Before they even noticed, they were right below the well lid which was Nicola's original entrance to the sewer. And honestly? She was so glad that she decided to come down here. Otherwise, she wouldn't have met Raphael. Some part of her still dreads to wonder what would happen to him if she didn't find him. He was already at the brink of losing it but now it didn't seem as bad as before. In a way, Nicola saved him too, it seems. Before, he was barely registering what was happening around. Now he was more or less capable of a relatively normal conversation. Sure, he tended to talk to himself quite a lot but she supposed that the solitude and whatever nightmares he'd been through have taken their toll. Climbing up the ladder, Nicola pushed the lid out of the pavement and immediately the golden light of the new day spilled through it, banishing the darkness and ouch, it hurt her poor eyes.

Even though Nicola wasn't in utter blackness all the time thanks to the arcane wisp of light that followed Raphael everywhere whenever he needed it, the bright pillar of sunlight struck her like a physical force, leaving her mostly blind for a good ten seconds. Still, another breath of fresh air tasted like ambrosia to her. No stench of the sewer and rotting meat. Thank God.. It took only a few seconds afterwards for her sight to get used to the brightness but still she needed a moment to wipe the tears from her eyes. Before she exited the sewer however, a quiet hiss behind her made her stop.

Looking over her shoulder, she saw Raphael recoiling from the light with his eyes squeezed tightly shut and a grimace on his face, shielding himself from the radiance with his left wing. Right.. How long he'd spent down there, Nicola could only guess but she could understand how dizzy it might've made him and how much it burned his darkness-adjusted eyes. More than that, to him the sunlight probably felt like it does to a goddamn vampire.

"Raphael? You okay?"

The angel didn't answer her, simply kept still, slowly lowering his wing to look at the light flowing through the opened way out, blinking rapidly so that his eyes adjusted to it quicker. And once they did.. Without a word, he hesitantly reached out towards the bright sun rays and put his bandaged hand right through the border where the light and dark clashed with one another. And immediately, once the warm glow caressed his skin, his face brightened in mute fascination. The fact that he hadn't seen the daylight for way too long became ever so apparent to Nicola and made something twist inside of her sadly.

"The sun…"

Raphael breathed and let his mouth form a wide grin once he fully entered the illuminated area and turned his face up with his eyes closed to soak it in.

"Blessed Creator, I missed it.. oh how I missed it…"

It took less than a second for Nicola to decide that she's going to let him have that moment. They were in a rush, true, but she simply didn't have it in her to tell him to hurry. She didn't want to interrupt him because even with all the dust and grime on his emaciated face, for the first time since she'd met him, Raphael looked so unbelievably happy. Truly happy. Just because he could feel the warm light of the sun upon his skin. And with a full smile he underwent a sudden change. All fear left him, his features softened and Nicola would dare say that even as broken, mad and defeated, in this short moment he looked… beautiful. As an angel, which humans often imagined, should. Under all that dirt something was glistening from the surface of his skin under his eyes, on his cheeks and forehead, the sunlight painted warm streaks on his long, white hair that fluttered on the cool breeze from above. In spite of herself she smiled too. This look to him suited him far better than a sorrowful, troubled frown. She could already tell, she will be always trying her best to save this precious smile.

With a deep breath of fresh air, Raphael opened his eyes to look out at the clear sky in shades of delicate blue and… in a flash of gold accompanied by a quiet whizz disappeared. Nicola's jaw fell open. Her human mind will never stop getting surprised over the stuff like that. And even if it will, it's going to take a long time. Before she could even start wondering where the angel vanished to, a large silhouette blocked out the sun. Still a bit surprised, Nicola looked up right at Raphael's kind face and his outstretched hand as he offered her help in getting out of the stinking well. So he can teleport. Lucky bugger. To be frank, Nicola felt a small sting of jealousy. And while she expected him to simply let her hold onto him as she pulled herself out, he hoisted her up in one fluid motion and set her on the pavement beside him the moment she took his hand.

The odd angel kept surprising her. Despite his thin frame, he was quite strong. For human standards that is, she didn't know how his physical strength was viewed among his brethren. During the initial armageddon she caught glimpses of much more sturdy-looking angels after all. The memory actually made her wonder if Raphael knew that one angel she saw talking to the warrior in red. The one who got… brutally squashed by that gigantic fuck-off demon that nearly made her heart refuse to keep fighting out of pure horror before she booked it. At least she could only assume that he got squashed because as soon as she saw the hand shoot out from the pit of boiling magma below she averted her eyes not to look at it and all she remembered now was a female voice desperately crying out a name she couldn't quite recall right now.

I'll ask him another time. She thought as he was pulling her out into the outside world. Still, the caution he did it with… Sighing inwardly, Nicola realised that Raphael already has something in common with her other bizarre friends. He too handled her as though one uncareful move could harm her and treated her as though she was made of porcelain. For quite some time Ulthane was afraid to even touch any of them not to break something and there were very few people in Haven who could resist poking a little fun at the maker. Oh well. Looks like it's a privilege that last members of the human race get. Everything is either super gentle with you or is trying to ruthlessly murder you. Nothing in between so far. Only Vulgrim seemed to be mostly neutral towards them but that was one exception.

Outside of the sewer the day was unusually warm. The sun was shining down at the crumbling Earth from a clear sky, no clouds hindered its rays and the air movement was a bare minimum. Nicola didn't wait long before unzipping her vest. Cooking inside of it was the last thing she fancied right now. Judging by how high the sun already was, she'd say it was far past the morning hours. Actually, maybe even somewhere around midday. Looking down at her watch confirmed that she guessed it right since it showed the exact time of

11:56 A.M.

Now's the high time she started looking for a way back. She walked over to one of the tallest buildings nearby to search for a suitable vantage point - careful this time, not to get jumped by some asshole again - and glanced back to see if Raphael was still following her. And in agreement to what he'd accidentally shared with her back in his hideout, Nicola has taken a note that he's.. limping. He was leaning on his ornate staff heavily and his eyebrows were furrowing with each step he took but his eyes were quickly shifting between all directions of his surroundings, always on watch for a threat. Still, there was an ever-present weariness to his pace. To put it simply, Raphael looked tired and moved with difficulty, as though he was in constant pain. In a way, he was.. But somehow Nicola knew it wasn't really the same pain one feels when getting injured or ill. This was something… else.

Nicola decided maybe she will ask him about it later, once they're safe. Maybe. They had to find Haven before the sun sets after all. No time to waste. Though… she didn't really know how to approach the matter. Raphael had done so much for her already. Asking him for help and a lift made Nicola feel incredibly awkward. Especially because she wasn't quite sure if asking an angel to fly her somewhere was considered rude by his people. But it had to be done. Otherwise, they might not make it on time.

"Hey.. Raphael? I forgot to say that but… there's a little problem.."

"A problem..?"

Raphael cocked his head to the side as he looked down at the small human woman wringing her hands nervously. Why was she nervous? The archangel could no longer sense or even see fear in her, yet something was still wrong. For some reason she was feeling uncomfortable, whether it was his presence or something she was about to say.

Why should she ever trust you? Your kind destroyed her life!

And that was unfortunately the truth. Half of it at least. Demons too had their part in it. Raphael knew he holds no ill intentions towards her or her kin hiding from the Apocalypse in the Tree she kept talking about but something told him that Nicola is still afraid of him. She just doesn't know it yet.

"I'm not entirely sure where we need to go.. I got… a little lost..?"

Ah. So that's the problem. Honestly, Raphael was half-expecting something truly horrendous but if being lost is the only problem they have - for now that is - then there's nothing to worry about. The directions to the safe place are surely buried in her mind somewhere, accessible and possible to dig out. All she needed was a gentle nudge in the right direction. And if that doesn't work, Raphael can always try to search through her memories himself if she won't have a problem with that. Though, considering how fragile humans are, both physically and mentally, Raphael didn't want to risk irreparably damaging her mind that way. This was the last resort. Instead, he reached out to her and laid his hand on her shoulder, summoning his magic to take both of them to the top of the crumbling block of flats looming over them.

"Wh- whoa! Hoo.. lee!"

Nicola loudly exclaimed to make her astonishment apparent once they reappeared on the rooftop high above the destroyed city. Raphael could only imagine how odd teleportation must feel to a human who's absolutely devoid of any magical abilities and not used to it being used around them.

"Will this help?"

Shrugging off the surprise, the human walked up to the ledge, so close it made Raphael feel mildly uncomfortable, and looked out at her ruined home bathed in daylight. Squinting at the sun and shielding her eyes from its shine, Nicola looked around, murmuring under her breath

"Gimme a second.. The cathedral is there, the shopping mall there… So the Tree should be somewhere around-…"

She tapped her chin thoughtfully for a moment before she turned to her left and her face immediately brightened as she pointed into the distance.

"There! Look!"

Glancing towards the place Nicola was pointing out, Raphael could barely make out a massive shape between ruined buildings. It really did look like a grand tree. An enormous shadow standing tall above the ground. And Nicola was pretty much vibrating with ecstasy and shifting on her feet like a small child impatiently waiting for something amazing to happen and beaming.

"It's right there! We did it!"

She squealed like an excited child as well. But Raphael knew it might be too early for celebration. That was quite a long way… How she even got from there to here anyway, he may never find out. What's more important, if Nicola wanted to make it all the way back there, it might take her a whole day if not longer and each minute spent out in the open means that demons have a bigger chance of discovering her and putting an end to her existence. And that Raphael couldn't allow. Every human that survived counts. He could see why she asked him to come with her and he decided he won't fail her. He won't fail anyone ever again. The faster they leave, the better. Turning to the excited woman standing beside him, the archangel unfolded his arms and crouched.

"Hold on to me…"

Nicola's mood shifted instantly. Sometimes it was kind of disturbing how humans can turn from happy to sad, angry to calm, excited to apprehensive and vice versa in the matter of seconds. Her eyebrows wandered up as she eyed him cautiously.

"Huh? You want to-..."

In response, Raphael gave her the most reassuring smile he was capable of despite the coldness of his tattered soul feeling especially troublesome today after he unwittingly created some sort of a link with Nicola. Or maybe not as much with her, as with the bright, heavenly spark inside of her. By all means, the flash of blinding pain, as intense as the day he tore out the first fragment of his being and multiplied by the amount of times he repeated this, was not a pleasant experience. The memory still lingered at the back of his head but he tried anyway.

"Trust.."

He simply said, making Nicola swallow and smile nervously, half-heartedly joking

"O- okay. Just don't drop me, alright?"

“Of course..”

She uncertainly conceded and wrapped her arms around Raphael's neck for the second time this day, holding on so tightly that for a human it would surely be excruciating. No wonder. A human doesn't need to fall from a very high place to get themself killed or at least crippled for the rest of their life. But Raphael had no intention of letting her fall. Putting his free arm around her, holding her securely against his chest, the archangel unfolded his grand wings. The soft breeze rolling above the city immediately caught in his feathers, calling and beckoning him into the vast skies. It's been way too long since his last flight. Luckily, it's an ability that once learned is never forgotten.

Raphael shot up into the air just as Nicola tightened her grip even more, holding on no worse than a koala bear. Not wasting any more time, he swept over the human city turned into a dreary graveyard, heading towards the Maker Tree and gladly leaving the sewers behind in favor of the brighter future opening up before him for the first time in centuries.

--------------------------------------------------

Listen, Raphael needs and deserves a hug, okay? For being a precious guy <3

Send over all the hugs for him 💓

EDIT: Gonna upload it on AO3 tomorrow

#darksiders #darksiders 2 #darksiders 3 #my fic #fan fiction #raphael #darksiders raphael #darksiders OC #Cost of Kindness #CoK #my art #fan art #hugs for raphael

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shoutosun · 3 years

Text

Glue Sticks & Super-Moves

Chapter 2: Tea Time and Muffins

Pairing: Kirishima/Midoriya

WC: 2175

Genre: Fluff, Slow Burn, Quirkless Midoriya Izuku, Pro-Hero Kirishima Eijirou, Post-Canon

How kindergarten-teacher Midoriya Izuku and pro-hero Kirishima Eijirou fall in love.

Originally posted on AO3

It always felt a little strange coming back to UA.

None of it felt smaller; the halls were still grand, and the doors still loomed over his frame, but it certainly felt odd, walking the halls as an adult.

Izuku had visited UA many times before, though he mostly kept to the teacher’s dorms. He usually came to see Hitoshi or Eri, and by extension, Shouta and Hizashi.

The only other person he ever visited was Principal Nedzu.

“Ah, Izuku! Welcome!” Nedzu said, flashing him a bright smile. “It is always a pleasure to meet with my former students, and this is no exception! It has been far too long since we last had the chance to chat!”

Izuku gave his former principal a polite bow. “Good to see you again, Nedzu. Sorry I couldn’t come by sooner.”

He walked into the office, taking it all in. Not much had changed in the last three years—the walls were still white, there was a plant in the back corner, and a large bookshelf to his left—though a few more pictures were on the wall than he last remembered. One was of All Might and Lemillion two years ago, both of them beaming for the camera. Izuku tried not to let his eyes linger for too long.

(While he was more than happy with his chosen career path, occasionally, the heartbreak he felt on the rooftop all those years ago would flit through him. His heart would clench uncomfortably in his chest, the pain only soothed by the memories of glitter, sock puppets, and laughter.)

“Would you like some tea?”

Izuku tore his gaze from the photo and sat in the chair across from the principal’s desk.

“Yes, please,” He said, taking the offered cup. It was his favorite kind.

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, relishing in the sweet warmth of their tea. While he sipped his drink, Izuku spotted a miniature snowglobe on the desk. It was one he was very familiar with, having bought it for Nedzu on his first (and only) trip to see his dad in the United States. He had spent almost an hour debating the pros and cons of various souvenirs before his mother finally forced him to settle on the small trinket. Seeing it displayed so proudly brought a soft smile to his face.

Izuku took one more sip of his tea before placing it down and asking, “So, Principal, what would you like to discuss with me? I assume you’d like a copy of my lesson plans for Eri’s internship?” He pulled out a few folders from his bag.

“That would be wonderful,” Nedzu said. “I do appreciate how you are always so prepared!” He took the folders from Izuku and started to flip through them, occasionally taking a drink. “Have you considered whether you will be taking Eri for a work-study? I understand it’s a bit early, but I thought you might have some thoughts,” He said, not looking away from the notes.

Izuku hummed in thought. He had considered it, but he wasn’t sure if it was the best move. Eri hadn’t yet decided what branch of education she wanted to go into, so it might be best for her to be a bit more well-rounded. He could always advise her on his personal time.

He said as much to Nedzu, who nodded in understanding.

“I see,” Nedzu said, placing his teacup down and looking at Izuku. “I quite enjoyed my time teaching you in your high school years; do you think Eri might benefit from something like that? I am aware that she does not possess the same… analytical mindset that you do, but perhaps a shift in perspective would be good for her?”

“Hmm, I’m not so sure.” Izuku looked out the window behind Nedzu. “You and I both know that Eri adores you, sir, but I think it might be better for her to get more experience outside of UA.”

“Oh?”

Izuku nods, continuing, “I'm sure you know this already, but Eri had a very... well, a very sheltered childhood. After she was rescued from the Shie Hassaikai, she had to reintegrate into society slowly. Even now, she sometimes struggles with reaching out to her peers.” He sighs. “She does just fine at home; she loves her family to bits—including most of Class 1-A, as well as Togata. But if we want Eri to continue progressing, then we should help her out of her comfort zone—which has undoubtedly become the halls of UA.”

Nedzu temples his paws. “Very astute, Izuku!” He makes a note before continuing, “Glad to see we are on the same page. You never cease to impress me with your observations!”

“Thank you, sir!” Izuku chuckled.

Nedzu pulled a board out from his desk. “Well then, with business out of the way, how about a game of chess?”

“Only if you’re prepared to lose!”

Nedzu flashed him a feral grin. “Oh, we’ll see about that.”

“Okay, Eri, that’s the last of the basic classroom procedures,” Izuku said, clasping his hands in front of him. “Any questions?”

Eri shook her head. “Nope! I wrote it all down in my notebook; I’ll be just fine, Uncle Deku!”

“It’s Midoriya-sensei when we’re at school,” Izuku said, raising an eyebrow at the girl, “but I’m glad you’ve got it all down.”

Today was the beginning of Eri’s internship with him, and Izuku felt great. Eri was super enthusiastic about everything—even the most tedious and nitpicky policies—which made his life a whole lot easier. He was worried that she might be a bit bored at first, but she powered through, and now they got to focus on the fun part.

“All right, Eri, the kids should start arriving in a bit, so why don't you help me finish setting up the classroom, and then you can wait outside the door to greet the kids?” Izuku grabbed a few worksheets and handed them to Eri, nodding towards the tables. “Hara-sensei should be here in a few minutes as well. She texted me to say she was running behind.” Izuku stifled a laugh and dramatically whispered, “Don’t let her fool you; she’ll probably stroll in holding coffee and a cinnamon roll; it’s just how she is.”

Eri giggled. “ Does she ever bring you any, Uncle—I mean, Midoriya-sensei?”

Izuku rolled his eyes playfully. “Me? Only sometimes. She’s nice though and good at her job, so it’s not a big deal.” He shrugs, diverting his attention to the whiteboard, updating a few things.

Hara-sensei, or as Izuku knew her, Emiko, was a pleasant woman. She got along well with the kids; they loved to goof off with her at recess. (Sometimes, Izuku wondered if she wasn't actually a five-year-old herself.) She had been Izuku’s assistant teacher since he started working at Mimba Private Elementary School, and her help had been invaluable. She was actually only a few months younger than Izuku, but she preferred the assistant position. He had tried to get her to apply for promotion once, only to be met with a firm rejection, and glitter flicked in his face. ("Are you trying to get rid of me?") He hasn't suggested it since.

“I’m going to wait by the door now!” Eri called over her shoulder.

Izuku turned, replying with a quick, “Alrighty!”

Emiko strolled in about two minutes later, holding an iced coffee and—to Izuku’s surprise—three chocolate chip muffins.

“Well, would you look at that! My assistant actually brought me a treat?” Izuku teased.

Emiko laughed, setting her things down on her desk. She had long blue hair tied in two braids and was wearing a long-sleeved yellow button-up under a pair of overalls. (Mimba Elementary was famous for its lax dress code, students and teachers alike.)

“I even brought one for your intern!” Emiko chirped. “I hope she likes chocolate. They ran out of blueberry before I got there.” She picked off a piece of the muffin, popping it in her mouth.

Izuku grabbed one, peeling off the wrapper before taking a big bite. He hummed in delight.

“Are those from Sato’s?” Eri asked, peeking her head in the door.

Emiko grinned proudly, holding one out to the other girl, who raced over to grab it. “You betcha! My cousin works there, so I get a family discount!” She said, shooting a wink at Eri.

“Better eat that quick; the students will be here any minute now!” Izuku poked at Eri’s stuffed cheek.

Eri gobbled up the rest of her muffin in record time before sprinting back to the door.

Emiko turned to Izuku. “Do you want to stand outside with Eri today, or should I? She doesn’t really know me yet, so I wasn’t sure if she’d be more comfortable sticking with you for now.” She finished picking at her muffin, throwing the wrapper in the garbage.

“I’ll stay with her for today, but she can go with you tomorrow. I want to push her out of her comfort zone as much as I can while she’s here.” His lips upturned into a playful smile. “Plus, if you keep buttering her up with food, I’m sure you’ll be besties by the end of the week.” He chuckled, popping another bit of muffin in his mouth.

A teasing grin quickly overtook his assistant's face. “By the way,” Emiko whispered, “have you asked you-know-who out yet?”

Izuku felt his face flush red. “What?!” He squeaked. “Absolutely not! We both know I can’t do that!” He waved his hands in front of his face frantically.

Emiko raised an eyebrow at her co-worker. “Do I know that? Because I can’t come up with a single reason why it would be a bad idea.” She leveled him with an unimpressed stare.

“Um, how about the fact that he’s a literal pro-hero and I’m a kindergarten teacher?” Izuku suggested, bewildered at his assistant’s lack of understanding. “He’s way out of my league! There’s no way he would be interested in me!”

“I just don’t see the harm in asking!” Emiko exclaimed. “You never know until you try, Izuku! If he turns you down, then so what? You move on with your life, and nothing bad happens! It’s really not that complicated!” She huffed, crossing her arms.

Izuku sighed, running a hand down his face. “Look, Emiko. I appreciate the sentiment but, we have quite a few mutual friends, actually. So I don’t want to make it weird for anyone if they find out.”

Emiko looked confused. “Wait, you two know each other? I mean, everyone knows Red Riot, obviously, but he knows you too?

“Well, not exactly. I know a handful of his old classmates from UA, and my best friend’s boyfriend is his best friend, or well, one of them anyway. I’ve never actually met Red Riot before, but we have similar social circles. Not that I’ve been, like, avoiding him or anything! I would never do that! And we both see him here at school anyway so—”

“Izuku. Chill,” Emiko laughed.

His mouth clicked shut, blushing again. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, just calm down, okay? I get it might make things a little bit weird if he turns you down, but you honestly don’t have a whole lot to lose in this situation. Plus, his kid isn't even in your class! That makes it like, a million times easier to avoid him if it doesn't go well. So just go for it!” Emiko punched his arm before shaking out her hand. “I always forget you’re more muscular than you look.” She pouted.

Izuku breathed out a small laugh. “Thanks, Emiko. I’ll—I’ll think about it, I guess.”

“That’s all I can really ask of you." She gave him a bright smile. "Now go help Eri! She’s gonna be drowning in kids if you don’t!”

“Alright, alright! I’m going!” He waved Emiko off, walking over to Eri.

Little did Izuku know, his new intern had heard every word of his conversation.

And though she may not be a hero student, she was determined to save Izuku from his rapidly failing love life. And she knew just who to ask for help.

“Midoriya-sensei, is it alright if I text my dad real quick? It’ll be just a second!” She plastered on her sweetest smile, one that always got Uncle Deku to agree to whatever she had planned.

“Sure, but make it fast, okay? I’m gonna need your help getting the kids seated and ready for the day,” He said, quickly turning his attention back to the steady stream of kids arriving.

“Thank you!”

Eri pulled out her phone, scrolling through her contacts until she found who she was looking for. She drafted a text as fast as she could before sending it and stuffing her phone back in her dress pocket.

“All done, Midoriya-sensei!” The girl chimed. “What do you need me to do next?”

In his office, Principal Nedzu received a very intriguing message.

“Why, yes, Eri. I do believe that can be arranged!” Nedzu smiled to himself.

#kirideku #midoriya x kirishima #kirishima x midoriya #kirishima eijirou x midoriya izuku #eijirou kirishima #kirishima eijirou #izuku midoriya #midoriya izuku #bnha fanfiction #mha fanfiction #my hero academia fanfiction #.glue sticks

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manikas-whims · 4 years

Text

Kiss it better

Pairing: Shouto Todoroki X Momo Yaoyorozu

Words: 1639

Rating: T

Read on: AO3 | FFnet

“This is foul play!” Momo protests against her friends with an adorable pout. “You can’t be serious.”

“Now now Yaomomo, don’t try using your pout on us. We’re very serious.” Hagakure teases.

“Yes, this is just how a game of Truth Or Dare works.” Ashido says matter-of-factly, high-fiving an excited Uraraka.

This is so unfair. Momo Yaoyorozu has never had the luxury of enjoying fun activities that every teenager had. A courtesy of her strict parents. For fifteen years of her life, she was bound by the rules and regulations of the Yaoyorozu household and being the only child to her parents, they were even more stringent on her.

Last week, she informed the girls in her class about her lack of knowledge when it came to games like these. They were beyond flabbergasted and made it their personal mission to make Momo experience atleast half of what she missed out in these past years. Thus, they’ve promised to play one of their childhood games together on every weekends.

Today they’ve introduced her to “Truth or Dare”, a simple game in which the only rule is to choose between the two aforementioned terms and then do as instructed by the rest of the players. It sounded entertaining in the beginning but now she’s starting to regret ever agreeing to this.

“Can I switch to truth?” she asks hopefully but Tsuyu wags a finger at her in complete rejection.

Momo whines, her lips jutting out in another pout and Kyouka pats her back reassuringly but then sides with the other girls. She places the palms of her hands on her waist, breathing out in defeat as she motions her feet in the direction of the common area. Knowing well about her massive crush on Shouto Todoroki, her friends have dared her to kiss him. How is she supposed to lock lips with him when she can barely look him in the eye!?

In the common area, Bakugou and Todoroki are lounging on the couches, wet towels hanging around their necks. They must’ve just returned from their provisional license class and taken a shower. The wounds from their training are visible and fresh. She scoffs. Such a boys thing to carelessly let their scars remain untreated.

She observes the two who are too busy with their cellphones to pay attention to the show being broadcasted on the television or to each other. Craning her head back, she finds her friends standing stealthily at the wall near the stairway, expecting her to execute her dare. She sighs. How can she carry out such a task when she easily gets flustered by him. She racks the gears in her brain to come up with some kind of solution and her eyes widen at a sudden realization— she’s been asked to kiss Todoroki! However, it hasn’t been specified if the contact between their lips is mandatory, which means anything counts as long as her lips touch any part of his skin. Great! This has reduced her nervousness, albeit only slightly. She still has no plan on how she should convince him about this since she isn’t even allowed to mention about the game to him.

She frowns, her brows creasing in concentration as she watches the boy of her dreams, staring with disinterest at his phone.

Yaoyorozu is acting strange tonight. She’s been standing by the staircase for a while now, doing nothing but..observing him? Her charcoal irises hold a fiery sort of conviction in them. It may look like he’s indulged in something on his cellphone but she’s actually making it hard for him to concentrate.

He wonders if she’s mad at him for reasons unknown. Maybe because his wet hair is soaking the headrest of the couch? Or is it because he’s carelessly left his dirty shoes on the carpet? Whatever it is, he’s too tired to deal with it. He’s just returned from his provisional license training (yes, they aren’t allowed rest even on their days off) and he’s so drained that he took a quick shower and decided to dump himself on the couch until its time for dinner.

“Todoroki-san” the dark haired beauty finally approaches him and he tilts his head up to listen. “Does this wound hurt?”

He blinks as he realises she’s referring to a particularly deep cut on the left side of his cheek. Inasa had been too rough during their sparring session. Well, it obviously does sting a little as he hasn’t put a bandage on it. As a child, he was always told by his father that real men don’t cry over a little pain from their wounds. That these wounds are a constant reminder of his own weakness at being unable to protect himself from getting hurt.

“Don’t worry, it’ll heal.” He responds, his face stoic as ever.

Her eyes widen on hearing his precarious words and she shakes her head in disbelief. “I can help it heal faster.”

He arcs a brow in interest. She can? How? Has her quirk evolved further? Does her quirk now possess healing properties like the Recovery Girl? His mind starts nerding-out like Midoriya, a myriad of questions swarming his head but he curbs his curiosity and asks, “How?”

His vice class representative chews on her petal lips as if contemplating whether or not she should explain. But with a hesitant voice, she answers, “I..I can kiss it better.”

If anything, his confusion doubles. Kiss it better? Like the Recovery Girl does? She really isn’t making any sense right now.

“When I was a child,” she speaks up in a small voice when she notices his puzzled look, her hands fisting into her pink top. “My mother told me that every wound heals faster if someone kisses it. That the kiss transfers that person’s concern and affection into the wound to help it get better. So she used to do it a lot.”

The youngest Todoroki is at a loss of words. “Oh..” he says innocently.

“Yeah, everyone’s mom does it.” She adds sweetly.

He chuckles bitterly. How could he have known this when his mother wasn’t around for ten years of his life? How could he have any knowledge about such small gestures of love when his father didn't let him!? But before the thoughts of his tragic past can consume him any further, he sees her bend forward. Levelling her face with his, she inches closer and her lips gently caress the cut. It’s brief yet powerful, making him clench his left hand to keep his flames at bay. And in a heartbeat, the warmth is gone. The feeling of her soft lips is gone as she straightens back up and smiles the purest smile he has ever witnessed. A bit of the un-dried blood from his wound has smeared her lips but he finds it even more attractive, his fingers twitching at his sides.

“The hell is wrong with you two!? I’m sitting right here!!!” The booming voice of Katsuki Bakugou instantly shatters their moment and the two teens jerk away from each-other to see their classmate fuming.

Ignoring the blond’s usual angry outburst, Shouto turns to Yaoyorozu. “It worked.” He states, thankful.

The girl’s face starts flushing with embarrassment at his admission and she only nods in response before running off.

A combination of squeals greet her by the stairs and Momo finds her girlfriends grinning at her.

“You sly girl!” Ashido teases, slapping a hand on Momo’s shoulder in approval.

“The puppy-like look on Todoroki’s face made it all the more adorable.” Hagakure adds as they all ascend upstairs.

"Jeez you got some of his blood on your lips." Jirou comes forward and wipes it away with the back of her hand. Momo blushes lightly but smiles at her bestfriend.

Upon catching sight of Todoroki's wounds, Momo came up with that brilliant excuse to kiss his cheek and thus, complete her dare. But the child-like look on his face as she told him about the custom of mothers kissing their children’s wounds, was priceless. So innocent. Has he never been kissed by his mother? The mere thought saddens her but she pushes it away as she follows her friends back to her room to continue playing the game. She can’t wait to get her sweet revenge.

It’s seven in the morning and most of her classmates are still asleep. Yaoyorozu enters the kitchen, rubbing her eyes. She didn’t expect Bakugou and Todoroki to be up so early but then again, they have their rigorous provisional license classes regardless of today being a Sunday. She nods at them in acknowledgement and walks towards the refrigerator, pulling out some tomatoes. She begins chopping them but in her drowsy state she ends up injuring herself, the sharp edge of the knife tearing through the skin of her index finger.

“Ouch!” she moans at the painful sensation. Okay, so maybe an early morning snack was a bad idea afterall. Should she go back to her room to get some bandages. Or should she save herself the trouble and make one right now with her quirk? So then what are ingredients used in the making of a bandage?

Her thoughts are interrupted by her dual haired crush as he’s immediately at her side. Shouto takes her fingers between his own to examine the wound. And before she can even process whats happening, his thin lips are grazing the cut. She yelps and blushes as he pulls back, a small smirk evident on his face.

“There, I kissed it better.” He supplies smoothly and she averts her eyes, her face turning as red as the tomato she was chopping.

“Seriously you two! Right infront of my coffee!?” comes the shouts from Bakugou, whose presence they had failed to acknowledge yet again.

A/N: hello TodoMomo Fam. If you've read this fic, then please feel free to share your views about it via comments ☺

I'm still new to this ship so I'm trying to practice writing these two before starting an actual multi-chaptered fic. I have a plot in mind but I'm still practicing with one shots so i hope you appreciate my contribution to this ship ☺

Until Next Time...

~Manika

#todomomo fanfiction #todomomo #todomomo fanfic #shouto todoroki #momo yaoyorozu #shouto x momo #todoroki shouto #yaoyorozu momo #todoroki x yaoyorozu

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nadziejastar · 5 years

Note

In a lot of your posts, they have a lot of the texts from the novels and manga. If you were to go off of ONLY the games, would Subject X still be hinted? I think yes, but I'm a casual fan.

Well, I developed my opinion on Subject X based ONLY on the games. I played all the games as soon as they came out. So, that would be many years ago at this point. I didn’t read the novels or the manga until after I beat KH3, which was relatively recently. My opinions on the story/characters were quite solidified by then. I actually read them because I thought KH3′s story was so inconsistent with the previous games.The novels/manga simply reinforced the opinions I already had formed after playing the games. I felt validated by them, but they had nothing to do with my opinion on Subject X.

Now, are you are asking me if I think Subject X—the way it was written in canon—was hinted at in the games? A mysterious time-travelling girl that Lea and Isa were looking for the whole time they were in Organization XIII? LOL. Hell no. Absolutely not. She was never hinted at even once, not even vaguely. And the way Axel and Saïx were written was never consistent with that motivation at all. If you mean Subject X as a concept? Xehanort’s lab rat? Yes, definitely. That was pretty much EXACTLY what I always expected Isa’s backstory to be, based ONLY on the games. I thought Lea and Isa were set up perfectly to be test subjects. When I play the older games, I’m still unable to see them as anything but test subjects. That’s how much support there was for that idea and how little there was for anything else.

I was VERY confused when KH3 did feature a character who was Xehanort’s lab rat. But instead of being Isa, it was a random girl he never mentioned before (but apparently was obsessed with). Them being apprentices was something so farfetched, it never even once crossed my mind. I didn’t understand how anyone could give that girl the backstory that seemed 1,000 times more suitable for Lea and Isa. How could the person writing the story not see that? How do they expect the fans to not see it, either? How dumb and/or incompetent do you have to be to write the story that way? How did that even get approved by a whole team of people? Those were my thoughts when I played KH3, based ONLY on the previous games.

That is NOT how someone will feel if a story is well-written. Some people act like Nomura made the story up as it went along, with each individual game. But that wasn’t the case for the games building up to KH3. Re:CoM and KH2FM+ were released together. And BBS, Days, and Coded were being developed simultaneously. These were all part of one big master plan. The way Saïx was written in Days was connected to how Isa was written in BBS, etc. Isa was planned to be a good guy MANY years in advance. IMO, him being the real Subject X was hinted at MANY years in advance. If you think anyone else was foreshadowed to be Subject X, let’s look at the games one by one.

Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix+

In all the games building up to KH3, the only person from Axel’s past that had any relevance was Isa/Saïx. They could have hinted at Subject X any time they wanted to in ALL these games, but they never did. In KH2FM+, all the new scenes with Saïx involved his relationship with Axel. Saïx seemed to be conflicted about Axel’s elimination. Xemnas made a comment to Saïx about Axel chasing the illusion of friendship. This scene hinted that Axel wasn’t really obsessed with Roxas like people thought. He was really just trying to recover his lost friendship with Isa. I had always suspected that Axel’s “obsession” with Roxas was due to his troubled past, so it didn’t surprise me at all. And Nomura loves twists like that.

They were setting up Isa’s relationship with Lea to have significance, not his relationship with anyone else. It’s absurd for me to think that they were trying to track down a girl they didn’t even know existed. They had real problems to worry about. KH2FM+ also introduced the Chamber of Repose and the Cavern of Remembrance. This all suggested that the experiments on the darkness of the heart would be very important and explored in much more depth. Xigbar seemed to have heavy involvement in these experiments, since he didn’t want to go down into the castle basement. And he’s the one who taunted Saïx about not being able to see Xion and not having a heart.

Kingdom Hearts Re:Chain of Memories

Castle Oblivion is all about recovering forgotten memories. The other most important recurring theme in Re:CoM was reuniting with people you miss. Pretty much every Disney world incorporated this theme. This was the perfect opportunity to hint at Subject X, but they didn’t do that. Instead, they chose to keep the focus on Axel’s relationship with Saïx.

Days made a big point of showing that Axel changed a LOT after coming back from Castle Oblivion. Saïx said this to him on Day 193, called “Memories”. He also asked Axel if the past meant nothing to him. Axel said he missed what was gone between him and Saïx. He didn’t mention missing anyone else. There was also a new scene where Axel acted extremely cold to Naminé because she was making two childhood friends fight. Isa was the only childhood friend we ever saw, and he later became an enemy. In every game building up to KH3, Isa was set up to be the most important character to Lea. Subject X? Crickets.

Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days

Axel said in his report that he forgot what friendship felt like after becoming a Nobody. That was the whole point of him befriending Roxas and Xion. He was not focused on friendship until he met Roxas. And Saïx was always cold and indifferent towards everyone, even Axel, who was his best friend that he was inseparable from. They’ve been together for 10 years in the organization. I’m expected to believe that Saïx was able to care about some imaginary girl, but not his best friend? To be honest, I thought that the writers had to be drunk if they thought that was believable or realistic. Or that it made Saïx more sympathetic.

Even in Days, I could tell that Axel had a lot of baggage from his past. He always treated his memories of the past like they were sacred. Day 150 is about having something you can’t bear to lose. He said that for Nobodies, it was their past, because that’s all you have to remember the pain of losing something. Perfect time to mention Subject X. After all, her disappearance was Axel’s motivation, right? But the story made it perfectly clear: Axel was heartbroken over the loss of his best friend. Nothing else was ever mentioned. Axel was good friends with Roxas, but I got the sense that he was much, MUCH closer with Isa.

Personally, I thought Axel was a former test subject ever since the original KH2. It fit him perfectly. He was a sad, lonely, dysfunctional person. When Days hinted that Axel had a tragic past and dark secrets that he didn’t like to talk about, I was not at all surprised. He suffered from something way more traumatic than someone he barely knew disappearing. And it never seemed like he chose to be in the organization. That’s why he was always yearning for his childhood with things like ice cream and summer vacation. My personal belief is that Axel was always written with the backstory of a former test subject in mind. They came up with Saïx‘s backstory later, though I suspected he might have been a test subject too, due to his scar and his berserk state, which made him seem kinda freakish. We always knew that Xigbar and Saïx were unique due to them having gold eyes and pointy ears.

Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep

When I played BBS, I knew that something horrible must have happened to Isa to turn him into someone like Saïx. The difference between Saïx and Isa was like night and day. None of the other Nobodies were THAT different from their human counterparts. BBS also confirmed my opinion on Axel/Roxas/Xion. Lea was WAY closer to Isa than he was with them. Isa seemed like a shy kid. But he was very comfortable with Lea. And Lea acted much more naturally with Isa compared to Roxas and Xion.

After BBS, it was obvious that Isa was not a villain, and that he was going to be on the good side at the end of KH3. This was the game that was supposed to show you who the organization members were as humans. They showed that Braig was always evil. Lea and Isa were only in one single scene, other than the epilogue. So, why would they choose to show him as an innocent kid who was Lea’s best friend? Obviously, all of this was to show that he was the polar opposite of Braig. How is that consistent with his canon characterization? He sold his soul to Xehanort, did icky jobs for Xemnas at a pace Axel couldn’t keep up with, and tried to murder Axel. Why would anyone in their right mind choose to write Lea’s best friend that way, if he was not possessed? Especially if they wanted him to appear in future titles?

In the epilogue, they showed Lea and Isa eating ice cream together. Sea-salt ice cream was VERY important to Axel’s character. Axel defined friendship as people who eat ice cream together. I knew that Isa was very special to Axel if he was the origin of his addiction to ice cream. They also showed Lea and Isa trying to sneak into the castle. This was BEFORE the experiments took place. So, Subject X had nothing to do with why Lea and Isa were originally trying to sneak in. They wanted to sneak in because it sounded like fun. Not because they thought people were being tortured in there. There’s no evidence the mystery girl even existed back when BBS was written. The apprentices were not recruiting kids to be apprentices, they were kidnapping kids. What reason would Ansem have to let them be apprentices anyways? It makes no sense.

Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance

In KH3D, Lea was recompleted. Xehanort was gone. He could have used that opportunity to look for information on Subject X. But he didn’t even mention her. He immediately set off to look for Isa. That was his main priority upon being recompleted, not finding Subject X or Roxas, who had gone back to Sora. Lea wasn’t even concerned that Saïx was trying to hunt him down in KH2. He was happy to look for him, even when he was putting himself at risk using the dark corridors. He used the same lines he did for Xion, which had huge narrative significance. It was clear that he was dead set on bringing Isa home. If Subject X was important, Lea didn’t act like it. KH3D sent the message to me that Lea was VERY devoted to Isa. Why even write him this way if he wasn’t supposed to rescue him eventually? Why make it seem like Isa was kidnapped if he was supposed to be looking for Subject X?

Lea and Isa were also the only two who were wearing the black coats when they were recompleted, which gave me the impression that they were test subjects. The apprentices never wore the black cloaks. And of course, the big revelation in KH3D was that Isa was a vessel. Unlike Xigbar, he seemed like he was being controlled, like a puppet. Lea awakened his Keyblade, the Flame Liberator, immediately afterwards. Xemnas also mentioned mind control experiments in this game. Why bring this up if Subject X was only experimented on for her memories. NONE of the games gave me the impression that Lea and Isa were apprentices, that Isa willingly joined the bad side, or that there was some mystery girl that he was looking for. They gave me the impression that Isa was one of the many characters who needed their hurting mended. That was supposed to be the main theme of KH3, after all.

Birth By Sleep Final Mix+

Xemnas may have called Aqua’s armor “friend”, but that was only because he had access to Terra’s memories. He tried to manipulate Aqua by impersonating Terra in KH0.2. And I got the impression that a similar idea was behind the relationship between Axel and Saïx. In the secret ending of BBSFM+, the camera zoomed in on Master Xehanort’s eyes when he said he had many other roads open besides Terra. Then they zoomed in on the amnesiac Terranort’s eyes, showing that they were brown. They zoomed in on Ansem the Wise’s eyes afterwards, showing that the were orange. And finally they zoomed in on his eyes again when he was in the Realm of Darkness. The implication was that Master Xehanort had so many options because of these experiments. His goal was to create vessels, not learn about the age of fairy tales.

Ansem put his research results in Sora to atone for all the lives he ruined. It can be reasonably discerned that Ansem Seeker of Darkness and Xemnas had orange eyes because of Ansem the Wise probing the depths of Xehanort’s heart, to restore his memory. He gained all of Terra’s memories in the process. And in the games building up to KH3, they specifically changed Saïx’s eyes from gold to orange. This implies that the same thing was done to him as well. We know Subject X was also an amnesiac and that Ansem the Wise hid them away when he released the other subjects. It makes sense that Isa was the same as Terra.

Kingdom Hearts 0.2

When Riku told Kairi that she was going to be training with Lea, she was shocked. She later admitted in KH3 that she was afraid of him, because he kidnapped her. But she said that she found it hard not to like him because all he ever wanted was to help his friend. That’s exactly what I expected to happen. My impression after playing KH0.2 was that Axel’s relationship with Roxas and Xion was meant to provide him with character development. This would allow Lea to fulfill his TRUE purpose in the story: becoming a Guardian of Light and rescuing his real best friend from Xehanort. Axel’s friendship with Roxas was supposed to carry over to Ventus because they both had a friend who was a vessel.

Axel’s friendship with Xion was meant to carry over to Kairi specifically because they were going to be training together in KH3. Kairi awakened her Keyblade because she wanted to bring Riku and Sora home. Lea and Kairi were planned as friends because he also wanted to bring his friend home. Axel’s friendship with Roxas and Xion played an important role in Lea’s development. But my impression was that getting Isa back was the ultimate goal of Lea’s character arc, not Roxas or Xion. And especially not Subject X, who is irrelevant to the Xehanort Saga.

Saïx could not see Xion for some reason that was never explained. He has a large Recusant’s Sigil scar on his face which was never explained. Axel said Saïx’s personality changed drastically, while he stayed more or less the same. This was never explained. Saïx had orange eyes like Xemnas, but this was never explained. Subject X does not explain ANY of these things. But Isa being experimented on as the REAL Subject X just happens to explain ALL of them.

Kingdom Hearts 3

When Lea said he’d always be there to bring his friends back, Xehanort got a really nasty smirk on his face and sent Isa to attack him. It was just to punish him for ruining their plans. Xehanort knew exactly why Lea was there, and how to hurt him. Then during the final battle, it was a repeat of what happened in KH3D. Lea was ruining their plans yet again and Xemnas wanted to punish him. He was so confident that he had Isa under his full control, he thought he could murder Lea right in front of him and he wouldn’t do anything. He turned his back on Isa, literally and figuratively. Isa was positioned to be directly behind Xemnas’s right hand. He was his right-hand man, after all. Everything was all set up perfectly for Isa to finally betray Xemnas. That’s what being a recusant means in the first place.

Lea’s reunion with Roxas and Xion didn’t even feel like an organic or natural development in the story. It felt like shameless pandering. Subject X felt even more unnatural than Roxas and Xion did, which says a lot. Then there was Saïx’s transition into a “good guy”. If they wanted a character like Saïx to be redeemed, they would need to give him an actual redemption arc. Axel was always sympathetic and likable, and even he needed a redemption arc spanning multiple games. Saïx was WAY nastier than Axel. It would take a LONG time to redeem him. But…he was never humanized. The games went out of their way to depict Saïx as inhumanly cold as possible.

It was a deliberate CHOICE not to humanize him in ALL of these games. Yet there he was in the ending, chilling and eating ice cream, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Now, this would make perfect sense if his backstory was a nice kid who was kidnapped, experimented on, then got possessed. He wouldn’t have needed a redemption arc in that case. So it makes perfect sense why one was never planned for him. In every game, the emphasis was NEVER on Saïx being redeemed, but on Lea saving Isa. The power of waking was the main goal of the story. Isa was introduced in the game called “Birth by Sleep,” which IS the power of waking.

Lea and Isa being test subjects would have made the story far more interesting for 99.9% of players, I guarantee it. But it’s not even just that. Every game since KH2FM+ was written to give the impression that they were test subjects. There’s no way the writers weren’t aware of that. They knew exactly what message they were sending to people. And it makes waaay more sense than them being apprentices. I could not understand why anyone in their right mind would waste all of that foreshadowing and change their backstory to something FAR less interesting and also not very believable. If something doesn’t make sense it’s usually not true. I’m no detective or anything, but the only thing that makes sense is that Isa was planned to be Subject X for well over a decade. Then at the very last minute it was changed to this new girl.

There’s three reasons I could think for someone to believe that Subject X made sense the way it was written in canon. They are either:

A. Not looking at the story very closely. Probably a casual fan.

B. A blind Kingdom Hearts fanboy/fangirl who will defend anything in the story.

C. Not very intelligent or perceptive.

#KH #kh saix #kh isa

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rakuraiwielder · 6 years

Note

I'm working on your ask, but here's some for you: I, A, M, S, P, O, T

Ask prompt here: x

thanks puffin!! this is gonna be long and nostalgic eyy

I - HasTumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

I wouldn’t say “actively dislike” butthe toxicity of fandom on this website has sucked away most of my passion for Voltron lol. I used to really dig itthe first month or so after getting really into it when S2 aired. I still havean unfinished draft for a 7-parter rarepair fic //ey guess my fav duo ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)// sitting in my folders. don’t think I’llbe touching it any time soon though. im rather burnt out from this fandom, evenif I do still enjoy watching all the new seasons thereafter.

another is StevenUniverse ah a. (but in its and my defence, I wasn’t really into it anywaysas compared to other fandoms. the songs are still good, but I haven’t beenkeeping up with the newer Steven bombs, one part because of motivation, andanother because the thought of going into the tags to reblog contentintimidates the heck out of me pffft)

A - Ships that youcurrently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone hasOTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

(puffin this question is gonnatake up half the ask oh god)oh bOY where do I start hahahaha. there’s so many aph and fe callbacks hahaha few otps aside I really have too manycrackpairs and platonic friendship ride-or-die squads I would die for. theseare only a few really relevant ones from the top of my head-

OTPS:

Norway/Vietnam (Hetalia) – alWAYS. i dont talk about and reblog much aph anymore but i still think about these two frequently. they were my first and closestthing ever to an actual otp in all my years of knowing what an otp was gosh Ihope to write about them again soon. their dynamics are the peak of mypreferences.

MU(avatar unit)/Silas (FE Fates) – thechildhood friends + loyal knight and liege trope + a pinch of memory loss wasnever really my thing, but guess there’s a first for everything ha h a ah a….silas is too pure for the angst I put him through im so sorry ಸ ل�� ಸ

Berkut/Rinea (FE: SOV) – the second that one cutscene of these two played I got1000% more invested in the story pffft. anyways rinea may be top tier fav andberkut shit tier fav, and their story tragic as heck (and I would also arguethat he doesn’t deserve her), but their genuine and honest love for each otheramidst the incoming death flags gets me every time

707/MC (Mystic messenger) – honestly they can either be a really good platonicdynamic duo or a solid otp. purely from the perspective of my own MC, theycomplement each other well; perfect balance of light-hearted teasing and asolid wall of comfort for each other.

Ray-Saeran/MC (Mystic messenger) – ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

(Other) Ships:

Seychelles/Iceland/HK (Hetalia) – they are good togetherromantically or platonically hahahaha. a good golden trio of kids

Russia/Vietnam (Hetalia) – their potential relationship and clashof character due to conflicting personalities fascinate me. a totally differentnoir vibe from norviet and one I hope to explore if I ever come back to aph

Nyx/Leo (FE Fates) – nyx ships are reallyrare but half of them are surprisingly sweet and poignant. Odin and Laslow tooare really sweet candidates to woo this jaded grandma’s heart.

MU/Laslow (FE Fates) – got to thank a wacky7-11 employee au dream I had for this one. but in the games their supportconversations are surprisingly thoughtful and low-key flirting which was notwhat I expected at all. wholesome.

Ham/Kai (MUxMU, FE) – remember when I said protag/protagships are the good stuff? yea h thatprincess tutu au is coming along swell

Alm/Celica (FE: SOV) – the rare main canon couple I love whodon’t die and get their happy ending (LOL this sounds really pathetic now thatI’ve said it)

Leon/Valbar (FE: SOV) – no one is surprised LOL. romantic orno, as long as leon is happy with where he stands with valbar and valbar ishappy with where he is im happy for them both

Conrad/Rinea (FE: SOV) – I know there are a couple of youreading this whos gonna give me that look but liste n; they could have met, and there is potential for them.(honestly this is just like another norviet situation where I put my 2 topfaves together for crackpair experimentation bUT IT WORKS I ASSURE YOU)

Zen/MC (Mystic messenger) – zen is so earnest that I can’t refute himhahaha. he also has a special seat in my mysme heart, since he was the firstroute I played and made me create content for the fandom proper

707/Jaehee (Mystic messenger) – they are rapidly gaining OTP status ꉂ (´∀｀)ʱªʱªʱª aaaa nightmare flashbacks because justlike norviet they really are the rarest of crackpairs and have almost to no content(gonna get down to business and churn fic out one day). these two are moresimilar than they’d think too.

Cecil/Haruka (Utapri) – ahahaha a good ship from a guiltypleasure fandom

(Purely) Platonic:

Izuku/Iida/Ochako (BNHA) – the first golden trio of thisseries. I love them so much.

Vanderwood/MC (Mystic messenger) – they parallel each other. truly thebiggest ride-or-die duo I will support to the end of time

Zen/Yoosung (Mystic messenger) – zen is such a mother hen to yoosungwwwww truly wholesome

Chise/Ruth (Ancient Magus Bride) – platonic master/familiar-partner relationships where both of them care for each other so much to the point where they would die for the other are my one weakness. its the reason i love writing more fleshed-out pokemon aus and loyal dogs/animals in longer fics. anyways these two are good

M - Name acharacter that you’d like to have for a friend.

707. It would be a trip justknowing him. (apart from the memes. but my life is already 80% meme, honestlywhats the difference ahahaha aaa-) Just, I feel like it would be really fun tohang out with him and revel in his wackiness (even if that personality is afront, maybe one day when i finally get into his inner-circle of friends, I hopeto be privy and be a good listening ear to his truer, more sombre personality.)

On the other hand, myself-confidence and 2nd hand embarrassment will be directlyproportional to each other (And im 100% sure Seven is the kind of person whowill exploit that hAH)

S - Show us anexample of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

Every relevant character inMysmes is either a type of asexual (greysexual etc.), or on various points ofthe bi-spectrum. Yeah; even self-proclaimed, “straight-laced” Zen lol.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (wealways need more ideas)

Vampire/Selkie AU ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

a selkie whose skin gets stolen and hidden from a human man is forced to become his bride and taken back to his village. there, to escape the stares of bigoted villagers and the clutches of her overbearing and possessive husband, she takes refuge in the only place he would not go; the old holy church.

only, she finds she isn’t the first to occupy this place of solitude. the master of the church notices her soon enough, and when vampire recognises the ancient weave of magic that flows within her, he appears; intrigued for something other than a fresh meal.

(basically a deviation from the standard vampire (romance-ish) novels lolol plot bunny hit me pre-Christmas eve dinner/yesterday and sofar im digging it. still planning the ship and fandom though; it might very easily be OC-based)

O - Choose a songat random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

since 1 is never enough, hereare 4 songs I was listening to recently:

Little Knights, Nem feat.Noire : Zen/MC(a zen-ish song through and through)

over and over, Yanagi Nagi : Saeran Choi + 707&MC(more saeran-centric with interpretative lyrics and referencing to both ray andunknown personas)

Finding something to do, HelloGoodbye : 707/Jaehee(fits their “don’t go where I can’t follow” dynamic haha ow.)

Life will Change, Shoji Meguro + Benjamin Franklin feat. Lyn Inaizumi : Kai(mui) or Ham(let)(honestly the entire persona 5 ost is massive fe fates protag feels)

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons thatyou will die defending?

Not really. I’m a very flexible person when it comes tointerpretable lore and content, especially if it’s the type of HCs that thefandom collectively comes up with. Unless it’s a canon fact, I like to dabble orjust stay away from HCs in general. If I have to come up with some in my fics,then so be it. But most of the time these HCs are either super vague or onlyapply to the context in this particular piece or series of writing. Basically Idon’t mind switching HCs for charas frequently as long as it does notfundamentally change their own character. (HCs for hobbies and loves and habitsand relationships apart from their inner circle, etc. are all fine)

Honestly it just boils down to expectations lol I know myown limits, and I know not to be disappointed when canon updates end updebunking (popular) fandom HCs or my own.

#answer and recall #thanks #puffin you never fail to be one no.1 hypeman every time ahahaha

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genamartian · 7 years

Conversation

Him: are you okay?

Me: yeah

Me, internally: Hey poopy, I'm Andy Patton of the East Chicago harbor in Indiana, before reading about my indiana jones lifestyle, have a go at tetris which is about to load, make a high score, and use my page just like your personal black and white gameboy, and relax with me like i'm your lazyboy barcalounger!!

[Here comes the game] Source: Crazy Games

........... I got a pell grant for film school because i'm poor and might choose Chicago University this fall or winter. i'm single baby!!! But not in the sense where i'm fucking other people n shit, its been 6yrs not being with a woman, I've had 8 dates since jail and got to kiss and hug a girl but that was years ago, I miss human touch, i'm scarred from heartbreak but also i don't succumb to lonesomeness and have someone beside me for the time being as a renter to my heart, i seek love and not fingerbangs, i'm a novelist of dozens of books (details in my publshed folder on my facebook .com/boathopper page, add me)..... I have 1,000+ short films, 3 films, one of them i killed 80 actors in, its called 'the tenderizer' and it had a zero budget which raked in a few grand of clothing/vhs tape sales.....i have a fantasy novel that can be read in its entirety for free at http: //shakeyquakeyridenovel.blogspot.com/ and it could be bigger than harry potter but nobody reads anymore.... and i have another book you can read for free at http://platdnovel.blogspot.com/ ........... i had a script in hollywood bounced around called boathopper which is science fiction about a monster slamming into our oceans, but the serial killer described in it is identical and predates the 'dexter' book and show, and yes its copywritten just like the rest of my sampled work, stephen king even samples me, and i've overtaken him in quantity as well in my opinion as quality, i'm to the point and don't drag on bullshit fluff for too long, to see more about the dexter narrative and incredible journey your detections could take just youtube 'andyp's arduous travels of an unrenound serial killer'. my body is caked and dented in scars, lacerations and holes because i'm a good person, a strong person, doing good things in a horrible place, this earth, but i'm retired and yet i haven't even begun, i'm the type of person that's been all over the world killing warlords and thousands of the cruelest people known to exist, so the mysteriousness is lain in this, am i a serial killer? or just a shadow operative navy seal?........ i've had troll blogs devote themselves to me before, but here's one that's the most recent, i love my haters suhn https://kiwifar.ms/threads/andy-patton-aka-clivedavinci-loveshy-filmmaker-who-is-apparently-the-true-creator-of-dexter.11274/ ........i really am a mass murderer, my reins controlled by the police, and knowledge of me by other precincts one by one, year by year, being like an internal affairs of hitmen for them, to the most redtape entanglements that bother each depeartment, all secret, commissioned by a government program later, and then after my r.o.t.c i took out of highschol, where i aimed high towards the air force the seals nabbed me out of the air force, my intellect and my physical attributes is extremely rare, i could’ve easily gotten a wrestling scholarship to purdue after i had a walk on match with a dude from iowa and slammed his huge cornfed ass to the mat so hard he got hurt, i realized i can’t be invovled in regular heights of the elite, i couldn’t go backwards from what i had became, since i was a boy i’ve been in china in training programs, i honestly led a life just like d.a.r.y.l the movie, exept i wasn’t a robot, even figuratively in the sense of a sociopathic mindless servant or psycho, i was bombarded by compassionate teachings, my mother a police officer the leadrope to all of this, allowing this, she’s caught serial killers and crimelords, and one time it backfired, horrible men came and abducted me, and tortured me, they bordered on white supremecy and satanists, my mom didn’t find me that long month, the police didn’t find me, this was even in a newspaper, but all knowledge of this ever happening has been redacted and destroyed, nobody could find me, i was 6yrs old, three powerful men sexualy abused me, physically burned me, broke my bones, my rectum had been split open, i was beaten purple with my eyes swollen every couple days when i started to heal, where they would bust me up again, nobody knew where i was, on one of the most high profile cases my mom ever took, she did come to rescue me with the murderers in the house still there, in their total ignorance of evil and what they can get away with, with a young innocent boy, they left their knife that they cut me with on the mattress 3 seconds too long, and i turned into chucky, i snapped, i had absolutely no fear, i didn’t wanna run out of a door, blood pooled all over the floor, it was always my blood, seeing your reflection in your own pool of blood as you cry for help night after night as you lay to try to get comfy to sleep which you can’t becuase you’re bruised all over, does something to someone, something snaps, like how a virgin’s skin does when a scumbag pops their cherry, i became chucky, i had developed tactical defense, and didn’t keep stabbing one of them, i sliced one of them down crying, then hid and waited for the next and sliced him, and i waited many hours in the house, not leaving, not picking up the phone yet, waiting for the other to arrive, in the dark i came at him, where he had no time to react, i climbed and took the bulbs out, and easily made my way to get him too before he saw the scene int he bedroom, i sliced away his achilles as i jutted out behind a couch, those long hours before he came and met his demise, i’d played, like a child with toys, but i played with my knife, a memento i still have, a murder weapon of the most grotesque, i stabbed at every part of their skin, i even kept one of them alive, and took out each of his eyes andn let him squirm around, something inside me took over, and it was GOOD as much as it had been horrible, it must’ve been something put there by god and vengence, and i finally called my mom and we talked on the phone, booking had listened in, her friends, i explained but they were confused, i told them they were still in the house with me and they can come over,i couldn’t talk properly, i hadn’t really known what i’d done, it was like i was possessed, i blubbered crying on the phone just hearing her voice, she was the first one to the scene, there were other cops that came later, which contradicted a way out for me that she would have to face, her son, which the world woudln’t wanna face, and instituionalize me for, those cops got fired for something she had to fenagle, it was her son, or them, you’re forgetting that i was a murderer, although 6, doesn’t matter, all the murderers were stilll in the house, but they were all dead, and cut to pieces, and it took my mom probaby 10 full minutes to unclench my hand around my knife, and dthat was only because i allowed it, because we came to a truce where she’d let me keep it, it was a part of me now, it saved me, it helped me, it was my friend, yes i wrote a novel predating dexter called boathopper where its science fiction, but the myth of a dexter like child in blood had been passed around precincts long before that, it was covered up but there’s always trace gossip, it became a legend, i’ve worked in moscow with putin, i’ve been taught by spies, everytime i’m pulled over the cops freak out becuaase my rapsheet is so long, and that’s just in america, but i’m always a victim or witness, i’m always acting and protecting people, never a bad person, just misunderstood, all the cops protect me, all the agents, the stint i did in calif was my exes doing, i remember traveling ALOT, missing alot of school, but always coming back, pretending to be in school, hanging out with my friends, iwas bombarded by animals, i loved animals, i wasn’t a maniac to ever hurt one no matter my blood rage, but i was taken to villages a round the world to share love with good people and experiences, and to always train, and to even kill, i needed to kill, a lifetime of killing, decades of it, thousands of horriblly evil people around the world, especially china, india and the middleeast before soldiers ever got there, was my purpose in life, i could chameleon into any cell, or group, i was invisible and innocent, and with training i was a weapon, all my education when to combat and stealth and learning many languages, and i served my agency proud, and when i tried to resume a regular life i couldn’t, i was hurting people in sports, not really trying to, my training i held back on, and just used physical standards, but i had too much rage, its like i wanted to see people bleed, i’d been around the world helping animals, trained as an assassin, trained by seals, educated by scholars, there are good sects in this world when you’re facing incredible circumstnces, as well as bad sects like terrorists or satanists, and they caught wind and found my mom as she had sought something like them too, onlhy a few people know about this, after the rotc, i went to the air force for a few months, then leaped to the seals and i’ve been putting away badguys, and hopping back to the states for my character andn presence ever since, i’m a honed tactician, i’m beyond liam neeson, i’m a good person, i have compassion for everyone, but i have a screw loose, and i need love, and i’ll never find it, i’m calmed now and ptsd of wartime endevours you just get used to, compared to childhood traumas, i’m retired, vocalization and protest is what changes laws and leading by example helps animals in the world, i just need someone to spend my life with now, i had a good girl once, who was teetering on the side of cdraziness, enough crazy and cool to put up with me, but she was taken by this horrible world, i needed saved and she abandoned me, her best friend, i’m looking for someone new to come into my life and not be so fussy and close minded,k i’m still just a child needing affection, someone save me ......i'm the funniest person probably in the world in person, but i've gotten shy and reclusive the last decade, from my loved ones dissected and murdered in hospitals, to love stricken from me like a lightening bolt, i used to love dancing in clubs/weddings with any hot girl, but i could never dance again having lived the shit i've went through with my ex slowing metamorphasizing into a prostitute, and it began from the attention she got from me taking her out to clubs and being mixed in an elite environment and dancing with her making her feel a little bit too great to the point she needed to have that drug 24/7, so she slowly went out and forged it, dancing is the work of the devil i know see, its like that george michael song 'i'm never gonna dance again' love just gets taken from you and you become a bitter person because of it, i'm still funny, but it has to be the right setting, i have to be feeling good or buzzed or have a fleeting bliss of happiness, i can get really fucking dark sometimes to the point its scary, you mix i've been an eliete in sports amongst other things in my life, alongside my talented writing that's grosser and more depicting and original than anything clive or king could right, and you'll have a formula of fear, i mean one story i killed god himself, its on my fb in my notes titled 'the after', i've cursed god for the last couple decades of my life, not because i'm an atheiest or don't believe in a god entirely, but because if there was one, i figured he was absolute evil, like a parent abandoning children in a dingy motel or something, forced to fend for themselves because they don't know better, i have many thoughts on god but i'm a philosopher too, so that's a topic that can go on forever, for the most part, i vent, i'm fuming mad, but i'm the most passive human being you'll ever known, and the people beating upon me in life can attest to it, you see those vines or gifs with cats beating the shit out of large enormous strong dogs? well that's me, no matter what i'll never bite, i just seem to bark alot because i'm lonely, and still so heartbroken, i've never filled in that gap of a 'friend' or a 'fuckpal' or a partner in my life since my breakup, i'm not doing it right, like everyone else copes, i don't deal with death the same either, i'm careless to it and am enlightened to not get attached anymore, to anything, seeing dozens of my family put in the ground, it just takes a toll of carelessness, its something i don't want to deal with anymore, my cat was the height of all the bad in my life, a year ago my sister allowed this prostitute that was living next to me in my room to throw a fuckparty in the entire house, and my cat kidiot got outside, and this was when i was tossed out of that drughouse for not reason on top of it by the very multiple cops that were banging my sister, someone i cared about, and my cat kidiot who i've had a decade, got trapped and starved to death in a hot shed, just a glimpse at the kind of shit i have to go through ad cry over in my life, and its not because i'm a bad person, and its not from strangers, its from people closest to me, its always like that for me and i'm uncertain why........15 of my short films are pretty good, but maybe i'm just being modest and don't determine my worth properly,you'd have to type 'andyp's short films' to see some on multiple accounts, i'm always deleted, a rebel on youtube, i have a hellraiser script at hellraisernightshines.yolasite.com, another tumblr at clivedavinciromance ............ i was entering a finished 3rd horror feature into sundance but its incomplete, i made it by myself in a empty building when i was homeless, its under 'sundancers andyp's' on youtube, the 2nd part is the best, my 1st two features were generic slashers and don't count as serious, i'm finishing up another book, a fantasy novel i think will be bigger than harry potter...i WILL become larger than stephen king, and you wonder why i choose such a high totum to climb other than a smaller horror writer? well its because i've finished libraries of writing, novels and shorts, all the decades i've been alone and sad in a dark room as an introvert, what is dormant, and what is almost accomplished is more thatn king, almost, i need a few green miles and stand by me's first, and then i need a few other stories and books and i will have achieved more elaborate words than star wars or marvel combined, i just have to get them seen is all, tha'ts the hard/easy part......i hang out with my gay friends in portage, they're all i have in my life, my mexican bestie is leaving ot vegas, i don't have any other real friends, and no family left, i'm just all alone in the world, i drive a stupid car i spraypainted purple, i act like a retard because i want to filter through phony uptight people, i want a real cool, good girl, who doesn't fuck everyone like everyone in society does, i want a lover and rebel and fighter, not someone who's ordinary like my ex who breaks hearts and breaks herself off pieces of dick at any whim, i haven't kissed a girl in over 2 years. I'm not a sleazeball, i've only had 3serious long relationships, that means i've only had sex with 3 people, no additional fingerbangs or buttfuckings, maybe i kissed ten more girls, but that's it. I say heartfelt poems or perversion after almost every pic i reblog, so the history of my tumblr is quite a reading adventure. I'm a horror writer, here is a link to my newest collection of stories http://www.lulu.com/shop/andrew-patton/reflections-in-the-dark/paperback/product-20340079.html I'm an animal activist.gay rights activist, civil rights activist and women's rights activist, BUT I differ in opinion about bisexuals, not for them personally, but from my own experiences of people being able to fuck how many people they want without consquence to character, the last time i checked if someone was unsure if they liked women or men more they weren't tasting all those crotches, they went about their business and didn't need a stamp that i feel is an equivalent to yelling 'hey i'm in bars fucking this guy, fucking that guy and i don't give a fuck', well that's fine, live how you want, but in your abundances of pussy/dick and indecision, i'm all alone, and i'd be humbled to just hold and love ONE PERSON, and that's were the idea of the 'title' not the 'person' bisexual comes into conflict with me, its saying 'i'm samantha from sex and the city and slopping up weiners and hot snatches left and right, so fuck you', i don't hate anyone, i'm understanding of nearly anything, i try my hardest to dissuade violence or hate in any way i can, i just think the terminology used to describe someone as a bisexual is just for show, if they don't know if they love and man or woman, who's to say they even love men or women? but their travels and undertakings of trying to find that out are being stamped and revealed for all the world to know about, and i don't dislike it, i just think its as tacky as me posting my boner videos in my underwear is all, its sleazy to your eyes, but you don't understand me right, like i woudn't understand you? in such perversion there is actual sweetness in me and reasons i do this crazy shit, bisexuals and their silly title which is basically just saying you're a hippi is just offputing to some, like me who had a girl i loved who became bisexual, yet all she's doing is fucking people for money, and i bet alot of people have sex and not for love and in doing that i'd never wanna be stamped with something, in a broad sense sure, but me, i'm an individual and i'm kind and good and accepting of all of you and love all of you so what the fuck matters our personal bickerings ya know?....... stupid groups of people like most feminists, most of what p.e.t.a does, truth anti smoking commercials, etc, bother me, because these consist mainly of spoiled brats not really doing anything, having a campus activity n shit, not empassioned deeper, not being in any form of fight, just a lap of luxery, forcing their beliefs or ways of life on you even if they are the most insane selfish things imagineable, i think i used to be bitter about hipsters too, just anyone who is phony as fuck, hell it could even be described as a rare unicorn of a girl i liked, doesn't matter, superficiality annoys me more than anything......... like i actually argue with people who do gangbangs and have swinger parties, could they honestly justify that disgusting shit to me, do it on your own time and leave me out of your sexcapades, seeing those depictions in 'bruno' or something, or me personally jacking off to threesomes n shit in porn is one thing but if you're gonna come on my page and bitch and moan i think that's 'sleazy' since it doesn't invovle TWO people, but instead involves multiple people, then you're just dumb,.............. i'm the most fucked up person alive, stranger by far of any human alive, i have an imaginative mind but i also have social skills, i know what its like being lonesome its why i hate when people just fuck tons of others, they spit at something i wish i had, they are gluttonous. My idols are Clive Barker, i made my art collection entirely out of scratch but i had him in mind to impress him, and i also made a book of short stories like his books of blood, i'm very similar to him, a huge fan, but it wasn't on purpose, its weird, its liked he fucked my mom in the 70's before he went gay or something, Stephen King, Kenny Hotz, Wayne Pacelle of the hspca, and others, even steve o and tom green. i'm the poorest person i know, yet i give my singles to bums, i'm selfless, i'm lazy, but when i have ambition like someone helping me, i'll create milestones. i make all my videos mostly in this loft at my moms house, i'm stuck here until my federal probation is up, not like i'll go anywhere else unless i get mental disability, i have no drive in life for average shit, i'm a creator, not an assembly line worker, i don't need the shit that money can buy, i'd never go to disneyland again even if someone bought me a package cause i think its extravagent and there are kids that will never see that place, i'd let them go in my place. i dislike snooty superficial people who act like they are better than you and are mean and bully and act like they're cool, when really they are fucking ignorant whiny brats in college or some shit trying to find their identities; they are jackoffs. so beware if you get offended by something i say, which is almost always a joke, cause i'll outdebate you and i'm VERY mean to bullies who get used to being tools in their normal lives with normal people, cause i'm not normal, i'm elite, cream of the crop, super large penis machoman, and i'm wittier, funnier and fucking the coolest fuck you'll ever know period, so bitches on their periods stand no chance either. My trolling book is blowing up, its sold 43 copies now, i've made it cheaper, black & white, so i'm making money now, DON'T USE CREATESPACE they are not creative friendly. you can find my large magazine type trolling book here.. http://www.lulu.com/shop/andrew-patton/trolling-101/paperback/product-20324152.html I've been raised by women without a father, i'm very feminine but strong, so don't turn me into an angry woman that will tell you off, but it takes alot to even get me mad, it just may seem i'm mad cause i'm pretty creative and outspoken, but really, i just laugh at your insults and bullying and i destroy anything you shit out with my verbal reckonings. I don't think i'm better than anyone, i'm kind to everyone, and that's what opens my mouth in the first place, is people attacking me or trying to bully me, it reminds me of how they could be doing it do someone else, like a gay kid, a black person, a woman, and it pisses me off. scene kids are the worst, almost like nazis cause they are a form of upper rich caste system that thinks they're better and they get snobby and uptight and its fucking annoying. I'm faithful,, sometimes romantic, sometimes funny genuine human. I dob not have anything in common with humans, I feel I'm more intelligent and its a burden being in a way, an ugly duckling. But I relate to morons too, because I am a stupid moron sometimes, I'm silly like that. next month i will have seen 10 psychiatrists in my life yet there's nothing even wrong with me.I'm the kind of person who would volunteer his head to a row of nazis so that others may live, i'm selfless. I'm also the kind of person who would be the ONLY one to stand up and risk not being hidden anymore, risk being killed by those nazis just to stand up to them. I'm a leader. I've led 100 of the world's worst maniacs in a jail cell for a year, I was on the back of a 7ft nigerian man preventing him from killing someone, I was a good person in a bad place, like jesus walking this shitty earth. Upon an apoclypse in 2012 i can lead the world to peace. i'm also the kind of person that is a fighter, i can be on my bloody knees before a dozen nazis and slice all their throats in moments before they know what's happening. I've only been with 3 girls, all long relationships and am still looking for my true soul mate on this planet, I've scavenged billions of galaxies looking and my search has ended here. You're here somewhere, I sense you. My ex got me put in jail to become a pornstar? She sent a threat to Kevin Spacey's website. The fuckers stole my movie 'The Thing' but made it shitty, read my synopsis or script at thethingfromanotherworld.webs.com. 2nd time feds kicked in my door, guns blazing, I told them my gf had shaved a penis in my chest hair, which she really did the night before, they looked and laughed and withdrew their guns out of our faces, I basically saved that crazy ex ponrstar, tattood bitch's life with my wittiness and her stupid art project she did on me when she was bored. Plus, having a lifesize darth maul figurine at the foot of my bed didn't really solidify to these saps I was a real serial murderer. I'm a handyman and can do just about anything, I'm currently building a movie set for my next silly video. I type 100 words a minute. I'm great with my mind, hands and dignity and I apply those things to women. I'm the most compassionate person alive or who has ever lived. I'm a registered rehabber wih the D.N.R. of Indiana. I"m incredible in all sports. I love spending time with someone I love watching movies and going out to eat, just waiting on that right girl. I have a bachelor's in English, and an associates from Minneapolis in Art instruction, but I'm happy with being a loser, being poor and having no future, I'm just trying to manage every day on this shitty planet, being a very lonely wise thing. I've been to California a dozen times in the last 2 years and not for vacation or my own accord (long story). I'm VERY down to earth and give great advice. If I could go to Chipotle daily I would, but I have no girl in my life, no significant other, no waddling penguin, no friend to hold my hand. i do like a girl alot, but i realize how fucked up i am, sometimes i don't even want to get out of bed, i'd need her to understand what its like to be lonesome and depressed, i really miss holding someone. we're all doomed to die, it sucks, i'm just trying to make my life as comfortable as possible with the little means i have, hopefully they'll put me on mental disability and i can continue my writing without having to work shit jobs to make ends meet, or save for a date with a girl and it never happens anyways go to a few of my sites myspace.com/andyp6 or Andy's Facebook link is below, its facebook.com/boathopper i have a new myspace account but rarely use it

#clivedavinci

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phoenix1966sbottom · 7 years

Note

Hi Phoneix! Do you have any favorite fics discussing the more gloomy, realistic problems between Sam and Dean? Safiyabat's for example (just an example, it doesn't need to be something like that), but non-slash is fine with me. Preferably hurt Sam, and no fixing. Also, if you don't mind, I'm curious what's your idea on their dysfunctional relationship? Thank you! ( I understand this is a fic rec blog, please just ignore my question if you don't feel to answer :)

When I read your first sentence, I immediately thought of Safiyabat for their wincest and gen stories. I haven’t come across many that really focus on the dysfunctional nature of the family relationship as well as their stuff and stays close to canon (there are plenty of serial killer!AUs, etc., for example).

That being said, I have a couple of gloomy ones and ones that just focus on the broken, family dynamic. Hurt!Sam all the way. Heed the warnings where the stories are hosted as there are deathfics in this list, not to mention other disturbing content (also, John and/or Dean are not “good” guys in these stories):

Remember When…by darkroses on Ao3. Sam/Dean, Dean/John. Wincest. John is mysteriously back from the dead and Sam is happy about that until he walks in on his father and Dean. Sam is upset and jealous, so Dean reminds him of times in their past.Sam doesn’t want to think about those times. Dean thinks Sam is playing a game by shying away from him.

Don’t Let Me Know We’re Invisible by mimblexwimble on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean. Wincest. The sex is ambiguous. Sam just can’t cope with the hunting life.

Wild Men Who Caught and Sang the Sun by kroki-refur on adult-fanfiction.org. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Sam is Dean but Dean is not Sam.

What Doesn’t Kill Us by kroki-refur on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean, Sam/John. Wincest. Incest. Heed the warnings on this one! John and Dean use abusive methods to keep Sam in line. (this might be f-locked now)

Talk to Me by darkroses on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. John walked in on the unthinkable. He never wanted this to happen but he needed answers. He hoped this wasn’t true. He hoped there was another reason.

The Wolf At His Door by goandgetthegun on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Dean wants Sam in every way he shouldn’t, so when he gets an opportunity to have what he wants, he takes it.

The Virgin by darkroses on Ao3. Sam/John (non-con). Wincest. Sixteen year old Sam is on a hunt with his dad, brother, and Bobby. The thing is targeting virgins. John takes matters into his own hands to protect Sam.

And if I show you my dark side by ratherastory on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Dean will never let Sam go, and Sam knows it. This changes nothing, but it changes everything.

These two are a/b/o by darkroses:

To Have Worth. Sam/Dean. Wincest AU. Dean claims Sam from a young age to be his omega. Sam wasn’t sure how he felt about that. His feelings changed with time. All he wanted was to be worth something. No matter what Sam offered, he could never have what he was searching for.

The Monster in the Shadows. Sam/John, Sam/Dean. Wincest AU. John comes to terms with how to treated Sam after he presented as an omega at the tender age of twelve. He only did what he thought he was right. He can never make up for what he did. He can never change what Sam thinks of him now.

And, finally, a gen one I really liked because it showed how Sam suffered for a decision Dean made (something the show, in my opinion, teases at but never fully resolves. e.g. Dean selling his soul and not really considering what hell he’s condemning his brother to in the process, allows an angel to possess him even though he knows Sam hated every moment of Meg and Lucifer). It goes AU after Dean knocks Sam unconscious and leaves him on the ground in 9X23.

How the Wild Things Start by foolscapper on Ao3. Gen. Sam-centric. "This is where it starts — the brightly lit ring, the screams, the glinting of knives, the baring of teeth. This, right here, is where it begins. Sam turns to Dean, Metatron just a hero’s walk away, and Dean slams his fist into the side of Sam’s face. It will bruise, but that’s not the point. Sam will not face Metatron’s blade and wrath, but that is not the point. The point is, Dean puts Sam’s hands on his chest, the action sickly sweet like perfume left on a tacky, bloated corpse — and then he walks away. He leaves Sam, dreaming black dreams on the ground, just outside of the impala. Baby does not protect him when one of Abaddon’s followers finds him. Baby does not scream for help or look for Dean when the demons drag Sam’s unconscious body away.When Dean leaves Metatron’s burnt-out husk, his bones screaming ecstasy from the kill, he finds Sam gone.“

As for my thoughts on dysfunctional wincest…I’ll put them below the cut so people can skip that if they want.

I started watching the show as it went on the air, so I have had 12 years to mull over all sorts of relationships, etc. Below are my thoughts on wincest in fanon. I am by no means saying it exists in canon or should exist in canon. These are simply my opinions.

Wincest, to me, was there from the start. You’ve got the father (and one day I will sit down and write out my take on John) who raises his sons as soldiers (I know Sam described them as “warriors” in the pilot, but I suspect the word choice was intentional by the writers. There are rightfully all types of negative connotations to the phrase “child soldier”). Nevertheless, this is how they were raised.

The sons were never given the time or permission to form outside attachments with all the moving around John put the family through. They were taught at a young age to lie, and later to cheat and steal via credit card fraud and pool hustling at the very least (a reason the whitewashing of John’s character in these last few seasons irks me. “I raised you right” was John’s motto? Really? However, that is a discussion for another time)

Dean was given the heavy burden of raising his brother. John stripped him of his childhood and drilled into him to always “take care of Sammy” from a very young age. And that is where I see the seeds of wincest, with the older brother having proprietary feelings for his younger because John placed Sam (literally and figuratively) in Dean’s hands. And, at his end, John placed Sam’s life once more in Dean’s control by urging him to save or kill his younger brother while leaving Sam in the dark about what he knew.

John emphasized family first according to his rules and did not allow them to leave (except, of course, he was allowed to go off and not only father another son, but let that son have the life, including “normal” dad, Sam and Dean ached for). The price of leaving the family (and for college, not to run off to deal drugs, etc.)? Excommunication from the only family/support system Sam was allowed to have. Having made his sons so dependent on the family unit, I wonder if John secretly thought Sam would eventually cave and come crawling back to them (my speculation - nothing in the show overtlypointed to this).

For me, that sealed the deal that Sam and Dean were much like two people trapped on a deserted island, or like siblings trapped in an attic with a parent that was only sporadically present - ripe breeding ground for incestuous thoughts and feelings. No, I don’t for one second see it as a healthy relationship, because the boys were never allowed to know healthy.

Furthermore, Dean was always the controlling partner. I would say to the point of obsessiveness, which is understandable given the pressures that were placed on him by John. In the first season, we get to see Dean isolating Sam from the life he was building outside of the “family”. In “Skin”, he sort of mocks Sam for staying in touch with his friends, making him feel guilty that he is dishonest with them and agrees when Sam rather incredulously asks if he is supposed to just cut them out of his life. By the end of that episode, Sam is resigned to no longer really staying in touch. But Dean, like John, gets to live by different rules. We discover Dean did have a relationship with Cassie while Sam was away, going so far as to break that unspoken rule the family had about not revealing the hunting life to people they aren’t “saving”. That backfired on him, with her ending the relationship. When they meet up again in the first season, he promises to come back to her even though she doesn’t believe they have a chance. He never does return and even ignores Sam’s offer of staying there longer (Sam wanting Dean to have that life he himself had tried to fashion is once again echoed in the promise he extracts from Dean in Swan Song. Notice that when Dean returned from Purgatory [when he was thought dead], he harangued and punished Sam verbally and emotionally for trying for normal once again).

So, the show continued its slow reinforcement of the boys never having successful relationships outside of their tiny family. Sam “fails” at love when almost all his significant others die, and Dean “fails” at love when he is either rejected by them or he feels they are unsafe knowing him (in the latter, he makes one of his unilateral “I know what’s good for you even though this will take away some of your autonomy” decisions and has Lisa & Ben mindwiped. foolscapper did a dark fic au on how that choice played out in the end…ouch)

To me, there is so much fodder to play with in fanon for a twisted, unhealthy relationship with a dark, controlling Dean. Although I read very little written like that, it is my favorite wincest headcanon. This is not to say I don’t enjoy a romanticized version of wincest (because I do very much and it is usually my preferred reading), but, to me, the show enforces an unhealthy, push vs. pull relationship between the two that they will never completely resolve.

As an aside, I also find it almost humorous we all refer to them as “the boys” when they are men (if you take into account their age), as though we subconsciously acknowledge they have not grown up into adults in the conventional sense of the word and probably never will.

They truly are the lost boys doomed to never leave Neverland.

#Anonymous #dark!wincest #wincest #deathfic #fanfic rec #meta on wincest #my opinion #nothing more #a/b/o dynamics #omega!sam #alpha!dean #dark wincest

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spatialapprentice · 7 years

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Hey poopy, I'm Andy Patton of the East Chicago harbor in Indiana, before reading about my indiana jones lifestyle, have a go at tetris which is about to load, make a high score, and use my page just like your personal black and white gameboy, and relax with me like i'm your lazyboy barcalounger!! Get Adobe Flash player Source: Crazy Games ........... I got a pell grant for film school because i'm poor and might choose Chicago University this fall or winter. i'm single baby!!! But not in the sense where i'm fucking other people n shit, its been 6yrs not being with a woman, I've had 8 dates since jail and got to kiss and hug a girl but that was years ago, I miss human touch, i'm scarred from heartbreak but also i don't succumb to lonesomeness and have someone beside me for the time being as a renter to my heart, i seek love and not fingerbangs, i'm a novelist of dozens of books (details in my publshed folder on my facebook .com/boathopper page, add me)..... I have 1,000+ short films, 3 films, one of them i killed 80 actors in, its called 'the tenderizer' and it had a zero budget which raked in a few grand of clothing/vhs tape sales.....i have a fantasy novel that can be read in its entirety for free at http://shakeyquakeyridenovel.blogspot.com/ and it could be bigger than harry potter but nobody reads anymore.... and i have another book you can read for free at http://platdnovel.blogspot.com/ ........... i had a script in hollywood bounced around called boathopper which is science fiction about a monster slamming into our oceans, but the serial killer described in it is identical and predates the 'dexter' book and show, and yes its copywritten just like the rest of my sampled work, stephen king even samples me, and i've overtaken him in quantity as well in my opinion as quality, i'm to the point and don't drag on bullshit fluff for too long, to see more about the dexter narrative and incredible journey your detections could take just youtube 'andyp's arduous travels of an unrenound serial killer'. my body is caked and dented in scars, lacerations and holes because i'm a good person, a strong person, doing good things in a horrible place, this earth, but i'm retired and yet i haven't even begun, i'm the type of person that's been all over the world killing warlords and thousands of the cruelest people known to exist, so the mysteriousness is lain in this, am i a serial killer? or just a shadow operative navy seal?........ i've had troll blogs devote themselves to me before, but here's one that's the most recent, i love my haters suhn https://kiwifar.ms/threads/andy-patton-aka-clivedavinci-loveshy-filmmaker-who-is-apparently-the-true-creator-of-dexter.11274/ ........i really am a mass murderer, my reins controlled by the police, and knowledge of me by other precincts one by one, year by year, being like an internal affairs of hitmen for them, to the most redtape entanglements that bother each depeartment, all secret, commissioned by a government program later, and then after my r.o.t.c i took out of highschol, where i aimed high towards the air force the seals nabbed me out of the air force, my intellect and my physical attributes is extremely rare, i could’ve easily gotten a wrestling scholarship to purdue after i had a walk on match with a dude from iowa and slammed his huge cornfed ass to the mat so hard he got hurt, i realized i can’t be invovled in regular heights of the elite, i couldn’t go backwards from what i had became, since i was a boy i’ve been in china in training programs, i honestly led a life just like d.a.r.y.l the movie, exept i wasn’t a robot, even figuratively in the sense of a sociopathic mindless servant or psycho, i was bombarded by compassionate teachings, my mother a police officer the leadrope to all of this, allowing this, she’s caught serial killers and crimelords, and one time it backfired, horrible men came and abducted me, and tortured me, they bordered on white supremecy and satanists, my mom didn’t find me that long month, the police didn’t find me, this was even in a newspaper, but all knowledge of this ever happening has been redacted and destroyed, nobody could find me, i was 6yrs old, three powerful men sexualy abused me, physically burned me, broke my bones, my rectum had been split open, i was beaten purple with my eyes swollen every couple days when i started to heal, where they would bust me up again, nobody knew where i was, on one of the most high profile cases my mom ever took, she did come to rescue me with the murderers in the house still there, in their total ignorance of evil and what they can get away with, with a young innocent boy, they left their knife that they cut me with on the mattress 3 seconds too long, and i turned into chucky, i snapped, i had absolutely no fear, i didn’t wanna run out of a door, blood pooled all over the floor, it was always my blood, seeing your reflection in your own pool of blood as you cry for help night after night as you lay to try to get comfy to sleep which you can’t becuase you’re bruised all over, does something to someone, something snaps, like how a virgin’s skin does when a scumbag pops their cherry, i became chucky, i had developed tactical defense, and didn’t keep stabbing one of them, i sliced one of them down crying, then hid and waited for the next and sliced him, and i waited many hours in the house, not leaving, not picking up the phone yet, waiting for the other to arrive, in the dark i came at him, where he had no time to react, i climbed and took the bulbs out, and easily made my way to get him too before he saw the scene int he bedroom, i sliced away his achilles as i jutted out behind a couch, those long hours before he came and met his demise, i’d played, like a child with toys, but i played with my knife, a memento i still have, a murder weapon of the most grotesque, i stabbed at every part of their skin, i even kept one of them alive, and took out each of his eyes andn let him squirm around, something inside me took over, and it was GOOD as much as it had been horrible, it must’ve been something put there by god and vengence, and i finally called my mom and we talked on the phone, booking had listened in, her friends, i explained but they were confused, i told them they were still in the house with me and they can come over,i couldn’t talk properly, i hadn’t really known what i’d done, it was like i was possessed, i blubbered crying on the phone just hearing her voice, she was the first one to the scene, there were other cops that came later, which contradicted a way out for me that she would have to face, her son, which the world woudln’t wanna face, and instituionalize me for, those cops got fired for something she had to fenagle, it was her son, or them, you’re forgetting that i was a murderer, although 6, doesn’t matter, all the murderers were stilll in the house, but they were all dead, and cut to pieces, and it took my mom probaby 10 full minutes to unclench my hand around my knife, and dthat was only because i allowed it, because we came to a truce where she’d let me keep it, it was a part of me now, it saved me, it helped me, it was my friend, yes i wrote a novel predating dexter called boathopper where its science fiction, but the myth of a dexter like child in blood had been passed around precincts long before that, it was covered up but there’s always trace gossip, it became a legend, i’ve worked in moscow with putin, i’ve been taught by spies, everytime i’m pulled over the cops freak out becuaase my rapsheet is so long, and that’s just in america, but i’m always a victim or witness, i’m always acting and protecting people, never a bad person, just misunderstood, all the cops protect me, all the agents, the stint i did in calif was my exes doing, i remember traveling ALOT, missing alot of school, but always coming back, pretending to be in school, hanging out with my friends, iwas bombarded by animals, i loved animals, i wasn’t a maniac to ever hurt one no matter my blood rage, but i was taken to villages a round the world to share love with good people and experiences, and to always train, and to even kill, i needed to kill, a lifetime of killing, decades of it, thousands of horriblly evil people around the world, especially china, india and the middleeast before soldiers ever got there, was my purpose in life, i could chameleon into any cell, or group, i was invisible and innocent, and with training i was a weapon, all my education when to combat and stealth and learning many languages, and i served my agency proud, and when i tried to resume a regular life i couldn’t, i was hurting people in sports, not really trying to, my training i held back on, and just used physical standards, but i had too much rage, its like i wanted to see people bleed, i’d been around the world helping animals, trained as an assassin, trained by seals, educated by scholars, there are good sects in this world when you’re facing incredible circumstnces, as well as bad sects like terrorists or satanists, and they caught wind and found my mom as she had sought something like them too, onlhy a few people know about this, after the rotc, i went to the air force for a few months, then leaped to the seals and i’ve been putting away badguys, and hopping back to the states for my character andn presence ever since, i’m a honed tactician, i’m beyond liam neeson, i’m a good person, i have compassion for everyone, but i have a screw loose, and i need love, and i’ll never find it, i’m calmed now and ptsd of wartime endevours you just get used to, compared to childhood traumas, i’m retired, vocalization and protest is what changes laws and leading by example helps animals in the world, i just need someone to spend my life with now, i had a good girl once, who was teetering on the side of cdraziness, enough crazy and cool to put up with me, but she was taken by this horrible world, i needed saved and she abandoned me, her best friend, i’m looking for someone new to come into my life and not be so fussy and close minded,k i’m still just a child needing affection, someone save me ......i'm the funniest person probably in the world in person, but i've gotten shy and reclusive the last decade, from my loved ones dissected and murdered in hospitals, to love stricken from me like a lightening bolt, i used to love dancing in clubs/weddings with any hot girl, but i could never dance again having lived the shit i've went through with my ex slowing metamorphasizing into a prostitute, and it began from the attention she got from me taking her out to clubs and being mixed in an elite environment and dancing with her making her feel a little bit too great to the point she needed to have that drug 24/7, so she slowly went out and forged it, dancing is the work of the devil i know see, its like that george michael song 'i'm never gonna dance again' love just gets taken from you and you become a bitter person because of it, i'm still funny, but it has to be the right setting, i have to be feeling good or buzzed or have a fleeting bliss of happiness, i can get really fucking dark sometimes to the point its scary, you mix i've been an eliete in sports amongst other things in my life, alongside my talented writing that's grosser and more depicting and original than anything clive or king could right, and you'll have a formula of fear, i mean one story i killed god himself, its on my fb in my notes titled 'the after', i've cursed god for the last couple decades of my life, not because i'm an atheiest or don't believe in a god entirely, but because if there was one, i figured he was absolute evil, like a parent abandoning children in a dingy motel or something, forced to fend for themselves because they don't know better, i have many thoughts on god but i'm a philosopher too, so that's a topic that can go on forever, for the most part, i vent, i'm fuming mad, but i'm the most passive human being you'll ever known, and the people beating upon me in life can attest to it, you see those vines or gifs with cats beating the shit out of large enormous strong dogs? well that's me, no matter what i'll never bite, i just seem to bark alot because i'm lonely, and still so heartbroken, i've never filled in that gap of a 'friend' or a 'fuckpal' or a partner in my life since my breakup, i'm not doing it right, like everyone else copes, i don't deal with death the same either, i'm careless to it and am enlightened to not get attached anymore, to anything, seeing dozens of my family put in the ground, it just takes a toll of carelessness, its something i don't want to deal with anymore, my cat was the height of all the bad in my life, a year ago my sister allowed this prostitute that was living next to me in my room to throw a fuckparty in the entire house, and my cat kidiot got outside, and this was when i was tossed out of that drughouse for not reason on top of it by the very multiple cops that were banging my sister, someone i cared about, and my cat kidiot who i've had a decade, got trapped and starved to death in a hot shed, just a glimpse at the kind of shit i have to go through ad cry over in my life, and its not because i'm a bad person, and its not from strangers, its from people closest to me, its always like that for me and i'm uncertain why........15 of my short films are pretty good, but maybe i'm just being modest and don't determine my worth properly,you'd have to type 'andyp's short films' to see some on multiple accounts, i'm always deleted, a rebel on youtube, i have a hellraiser script at hellraisernightshines.yolasite.com, another tumblr at clivedavinciromance ............ i was entering a finished 3rd horror feature into sundance but its incomplete, i made it by myself in a empty building when i was homeless, its under 'sundancers andyp's' on youtube, the 2nd part is the best, my 1st two features were generic slashers and don't count as serious, i'm finishing up another book, a fantasy novel i think will be bigger than harry potter...i WILL become larger than stephen king, and you wonder why i choose such a high totum to climb other than a smaller horror writer? well its because i've finished libraries of writing, novels and shorts, all the decades i've been alone and sad in a dark room as an introvert, what is dormant, and what is almost accomplished is more thatn king, almost, i need a few green miles and stand by me's first, and then i need a few other stories and books and i will have achieved more elaborate words than star wars or marvel combined, i just have to get them seen is all, tha'ts the hard/easy part......i hang out with my gay friends in portage, they're all i have in my life, my mexican bestie is leaving ot vegas, i don't have any other real friends, and no family left, i'm just all alone in the world, i drive a stupid car i spraypainted purple, i act like a retard because i want to filter through phony uptight people, i want a real cool, good girl, who doesn't fuck everyone like everyone in society does, i want a lover and rebel and fighter, not someone who's ordinary like my ex who breaks hearts and breaks herself off pieces of dick at any whim, i haven't kissed a girl in over 2 years. I'm not a sleazeball, i've only had 3serious long relationships, that means i've only had sex with 3 people, no additional fingerbangs or buttfuckings, maybe i kissed ten more girls, but that's it. I say heartfelt poems or perversion after almost every pic i reblog, so the history of my tumblr is quite a reading adventure. I'm a horror writer, here is a link to my newest collection of stories http://www.lulu.com/shop/andrew-patton/reflections-in-the-dark/paperback/product-20340079.html I'm an animal activist.gay rights activist, civil rights activist and women's rights activist, BUT I differ in opinion about bisexuals, not for them personally, but from my own experiences of people being able to fuck how many people they want without consquence to character, the last time i checked if someone was unsure if they liked women or men more they weren't tasting all those crotches, they went about their business and didn't need a stamp that i feel is an equivalent to yelling 'hey i'm in bars fucking this guy, fucking that guy and i don't give a fuck', well that's fine, live how you want, but in your abundances of pussy/dick and indecision, i'm all alone, and i'd be humbled to just hold and love ONE PERSON, and that's were the idea of the 'title' not the 'person' bisexual comes into conflict with me, its saying 'i'm samantha from sex and the city and slopping up weiners and hot snatches left and right, so fuck you', i don't hate anyone, i'm understanding of nearly anything, i try my hardest to dissuade violence or hate in any way i can, i just think the terminology used to describe someone as a bisexual is just for show, if they don't know if they love and man or woman, who's to say they even love men or women? but their travels and undertakings of trying to find that out are being stamped and revealed for all the world to know about, and i don't dislike it, i just think its as tacky as me posting my boner videos in my underwear is all, its sleazy to your eyes, but you don't understand me right, like i woudn't understand you? in such perversion there is actual sweetness in me and reasons i do this crazy shit, bisexuals and their silly title which is basically just saying you're a hippi is just offputing to some, like me who had a girl i loved who became bisexual, yet all she's doing is fucking people for money, and i bet alot of people have sex and not for love and in doing that i'd never wanna be stamped with something, in a broad sense sure, but me, i'm an individual and i'm kind and good and accepting of all of you and love all of you so what the fuck matters our personal bickerings ya know?....... stupid groups of people like most feminists, most of what p.e.t.a does, truth anti smoking commercials, etc, bother me, because these consist mainly of spoiled brats not really doing anything, having a campus activity n shit, not empassioned deeper, not being in any form of fight, just a lap of luxery, forcing their beliefs or ways of life on you even if they are the most insane selfish things imagineable, i think i used to be bitter about hipsters too, just anyone who is phony as fuck, hell it could even be described as a rare unicorn of a girl i liked, doesn't matter, superficiality annoys me more than anything......... like i actually argue with people who do gangbangs and have swinger parties, could they honestly justify that disgusting shit to me, do it on your own time and leave me out of your sexcapades, seeing those depictions in 'bruno' or something, or me personally jacking off to threesomes n shit in porn is one thing but if you're gonna come on my page and bitch and moan i think that's 'sleazy' since it doesn't invovle TWO people, but instead involves multiple people, then you're just dumb,.............. i'm the most fucked up person alive, stranger by far of any human alive, i have an imaginative mind but i also have social skills, i know what its like being lonesome its why i hate when people just fuck tons of others, they spit at something i wish i had, they are gluttonous. My idols are Clive Barker, i made my art collection entirely out of scratch but i had him in mind to impress him, and i also made a book of short stories like his books of blood, i'm very similar to him, a huge fan, but it wasn't on purpose, its weird, its liked he fucked my mom in the 70's before he went gay or something, Stephen King, Kenny Hotz, Wayne Pacelle of the hspca, and others, even steve o and tom green. i'm the poorest person i know, yet i give my singles to bums, i'm selfless, i'm lazy, but when i have ambition like someone helping me, i'll create milestones. i make all my videos mostly in this loft at my moms house, i'm stuck here until my federal probation is up, not like i'll go anywhere else unless i get mental disability, i have no drive in life for average shit, i'm a creator, not an assembly line worker, i don't need the shit that money can buy, i'd never go to disneyland again even if someone bought me a package cause i think its extravagent and there are kids that will never see that place, i'd let them go in my place. i dislike snooty superficial people who act like they are better than you and are mean and bully and act like they're cool, when really they are fucking ignorant whiny brats in college or some shit trying to find their identities; they are jackoffs. so beware if you get offended by something i say, which is almost always a joke, cause i'll outdebate you and i'm VERY mean to bullies who get used to being tools in their normal lives with normal people, cause i'm not normal, i'm elite, cream of the crop, super large penis machoman, and i'm wittier, funnier and fucking the coolest fuck you'll ever know period, so bitches on their periods stand no chance either. My trolling book is blowing up, its sold 43 copies now, i've made it cheaper, black & white, so i'm making money now, DON'T USE CREATESPACE they are not creative friendly. you can find my large magazine type trolling book here.. http://www.lulu.com/shop/andrew-patton/trolling-101/paperback/product-20324152.html I've been raised by women without a father, i'm very feminine but strong, so don't turn me into an angry woman that will tell you off, but it takes alot to even get me mad, it just may seem i'm mad cause i'm pretty creative and outspoken, but really, i just laugh at your insults and bullying and i destroy anything you shit out with my verbal reckonings. I don't think i'm better than anyone, i'm kind to everyone, and that's what opens my mouth in the first place, is people attacking me or trying to bully me, it reminds me of how they could be doing it do someone else, like a gay kid, a black person, a woman, and it pisses me off. scene kids are the worst, almost like nazis cause they are a form of upper rich caste system that thinks they're better and they get snobby and uptight and its fucking annoying. I'm faithful,, sometimes romantic, sometimes funny genuine human. I dob not have anything in common with humans, I feel I'm more intelligent and its a burden being in a way, an ugly duckling. But I relate to morons too, because I am a stupid moron sometimes, I'm silly like that. next month i will have seen 10 psychiatrists in my life yet there's nothing even wrong with me.I'm the kind of person who would volunteer his head to a row of nazis so that others may live, i'm selfless. I'm also the kind of person who would be the ONLY one to stand up and risk not being hidden anymore, risk being killed by those nazis just to stand up to them. I'm a leader. I've led 100 of the world's worst maniacs in a jail cell for a year, I was on the back of a 7ft nigerian man preventing him from killing someone, I was a good person in a bad place, like jesus walking this shitty earth. Upon an apoclypse in 2012 i can lead the world to peace. i'm also the kind of person that is a fighter, i can be on my bloody knees before a dozen nazis and slice all their throats in moments before they know what's happening. I've only been with 3 girls, all long relationships and am still looking for my true soul mate on this planet, I've scavenged billions of galaxies looking and my search has ended here. You're here somewhere, I sense you. My ex got me put in jail to become a pornstar? She sent a threat to Kevin Spacey's website. The fuckers stole my movie 'The Thing' but made it shitty, read my synopsis or script at thethingfromanotherworld.webs.com. 2nd time feds kicked in my door, guns blazing, I told them my gf had shaved a penis in my chest hair, which she really did the night before, they looked and laughed and withdrew their guns out of our faces, I basically saved that crazy ex ponrstar, tattood bitch's life with my wittiness and her stupid art project she did on me when she was bored. Plus, having a lifesize darth maul figurine at the foot of my bed didn't really solidify to these saps I was a real serial murderer. I'm a handyman and can do just about anything, I'm currently building a movie set for my next silly video. I type 100 words a minute. I'm great with my mind, hands and dignity and I apply those things to women. I'm the most compassionate person alive or who has ever lived. I'm a registered rehabber wih the D.N.R. of Indiana. I"m incredible in all sports. I love spending time with someone I love watching movies and going out to eat, just waiting on that right girl. I have a bachelor's in English, and an associates from Minneapolis in Art instruction, but I'm happy with being a loser, being poor and having no future, I'm just trying to manage every day on this shitty planet, being a very lonely wise thing. I've been to California a dozen times in the last 2 years and not for vacation or my own accord (long story). I'm VERY down to earth and give great advice. If I could go to Chipotle daily I would, but I have no girl in my life, no significant other, no waddling penguin, no friend to hold my hand. i do like a girl alot, but i realize how fucked up i am, sometimes i don't even want to get out of bed, i'd need her to understand what its like to be lonesome and depressed, i really miss holding someone. we're all doomed to die, it sucks, i'm just trying to make my life as comfortable as possible with the little means i have, hopefully they'll put me on mental disability and i can continue my writing without having to work shit jobs to make ends meet, or save for a date with a girl and it never happens anyways go to a few of my sites myspace.com/andyp6 or Andy's Facebook link is below, its facebook.com/boathopper i have a new myspace account but rarely use it

#WHWJSVSIS SORRY I SAW THIS GUYS BLOG DESCIPITON AND IN DYING #long post

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