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torhues · 1 year

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osamu miya.

"what do you think is the right way to ask someone out?" osamu's sudden question draws out your attention from your english assignment.

you take a moment to think, and while he thinks you're sorting out the most appropriate answers to his question, you're lost looking the answer to just one question that's plaguing your mind : should you tell him, or not?

"uh, who is it for?" you settle with the conclusion that he's asking that question out of curiosity. after all, you both are at an age where romance gradually becomes an integral parts of almost everyone's life.

out of all the years that you've known osamu— which is for around seven years for now— there has been only one time when you've seen him pursuing someone, and that was your best friend in middle school; and like the good friend you were, you helped the two of them confess to each other. you would walk to school and back, watching them holding hands, make plans without you because they were dating and it was understandable. you didn't mind, not at all, for you weren't in love with him at that point.

looking back now, you wonder if things would've turned out different if you hadn't helped your friend, or if you had realised your feelings a bit earlier. back then, you found it amusing to watch two people in love act like idiots, not knowing it'd all come back to you with a much larger impact.

"someone i like," he replies in his classic monotonous voice, as if he couldn't care less about not telling you who he has a crush on. it's exactly how it was back in middle school. had it not been for your friend, you wouldn't have known she was the one osamu had been planning to ask out all along. "goes to the same university as us, might even be in your biochem class,"

and your mind traces over the image of every single person in your class, crossing out the names that don't seem to fit osamu's taste in romantic partners. it's not the first time you're doing this. in fact, you've gotten used to figuring out whether he would be interested in someone just by looking at them. it's something you've learnt as you got better at hiding your feelings.

you've known him long enough to know who he might date yet still, couldn't bring yourself to believe that you could possibly have a chance with him.

"well, i can't tell you if i don't know the person," something about you makes osamu believe that you're a cupid. you're good at reading people, welcoming, albeit not so good at reaching out to strangers, but you are likeable, more than likeable, actually.

he has seen you set people up, including himself, and excluding yourself. the reason why you're not interested in pursuing someone anymore is beyond his comprehension. you have your fair share of knowledge about relationships, have dated a couple of guys before giving up altogether. it's not like your relationships didn't work, but it always seemed as if you were better off without them.

even while dating, it looks like your eyes are looking for someone else while being in someone's arms.

he sighs, putting down his phone. "just tell me what you like, people aren't much different after all,"

"uh, well, i hate public confessions and people who confess through calls and texts," which stands true for most the people out there. public confessions are more of a show off and confessing through texts is just, not enough. "also, i like to stay at home or be at some cafe so like, arcades, amusement parks and places like those aren't up to my liking either,"

you notice the smile on his face, along with the dreamy eyes and make him look prettier than he already is. frankly, the idea of osamu doing everything you like to ask someone else out hurts more than it should. you're probably not the only persons with those likes and dislikes. you know you should be happy for him and the person he likes because in the end, osamu is everything you, or anyone, could ask for.

"what about flowers? lilacs?" he asks, getting back to his phone.

"what are you doing, congratulating someone on their graduation?" his lips instantly curve into a frown, and you know in his head, he's snickering about how he is not the best when it comes to picking flowers, and that you shouldn't make fun of him for this. "i'd say tulips, they're a better gifts for first dates and confessions,"

one day, back in first year of university, osamu asked you why you don't seek relationships anymore. thinking about it now, you never gave him an absolute answer.

on some days, the answer would be academics, other days, it would be sadness looming over your shoulders after watching your ex with someone else. sometimes, you would excuse it by saying it's a waste of time and when asked when you're drunk, you'd say it's because you already have someone in mind, someone who can't be yours, no matter how much you try.

on some days, you wonder if osamu ever thinks about all the answers, or excuses, you gave to his question. there are times when the worlds makes compels you to believe that osamu likes you back, but then you realise that if he did, he wouldn't have asked out others all this time. you did drop hints regarding your feelings for him, and he failed to catch on for he for too busy looking at everyone except you.

"i wonder why you don't date anymore," the question arises again, flooding all the memories back into your head.

"i did have someone i liked, but he likes someone else," and you realise you can't lie to him anymore. "so, i gave up," osamu finds it amusing how you say those words with a smile, and he finds it despairing knowing that now, you've simply learnt to live with pain while pretending to be okay.

he shoots you a comforting smile, "i hope that wouldn't be the case for me,"

"me too," and you smile back.

he gets off your bed, picking up his jacket while offering soft apologies for the state your bed is in because of him. sometimes, you feel like there should be a warning for everyone who dates him : caution, this man doesn't know how to keep the bed clean. there are nights when you go to sleep thinking about how you're probably the only one who can keep up with this habit of his, and then wake up realising that it wasn't a problem to anyone it now so, it wouldn't be in future either.

it's like oscillating between the possibility and impossibility of him and you, caressing your little heart with false hope.

"ah, what should i say while confessing?" he shoots another question, making you snicker in annoyance.

"c'mon 'samu, you're not asking someone out for the first time,"

"just tell me,"

and you allow yourself to get lost in thoughts again. for a brief second, you consider telling him to not confess. the reason? your feelings, but again, you and him aren't meant to be together in the first place. it's just like how the saying goes— cupids must not fall in love— and you did the forbidden, knowing it would hurt you ten folds more every time you tie his threads with someone that's not you.

"i don't know, just give the flowers and ask if they'd like to go out with you or something," he chimes a faint thank you before leaving your room, and then your apartment. this time, you don't walk up to the door to see him off, neither do you wish him good luck, and surprisingly, osamu doesn't seem to notice your minute absence either.

it's fine, you tell yourself, one of you has to start getting accustomed to the other's absence. while the process has already begun for you, you hope osamu gets used to it as well. you need him to stop reaching you out for relationship advices because you don't know how long you can compose yourself before shattering once again. you try to distract yourself with essays due next month or even further, reading chapters that haven't been taught in class, reading research papers; just anything that can keep your mind off osamu.

you don't want to think about him, or what he's doing. maybe, he's buying the flowers, making preparations or calling his crush and asking them to meet him at their favourite place. even better if his crush confessed while he has been preparing a proposal of his own, it would be cinematic. you don't want to think about him at all, but the more you try, the deeper he engraves inside your mind.

the evening rolls by with you still sitting at your study desk with a bunch of papers lying around a not one complete work. there are rain splatters on your windows and you hope the off-season showers haven't ruined his confession. you can't wish for the other person to like him back, so you just wish for his happiness; whatever makes him happy, even if it means pushing him away.

and when you manage to drag yourself to the kitchen to grab something to eat and make yourself feel better, the sound of your doorbell hits your ears. the rain hits harder, you muster up the energy to walk up to the door.

there's osamu standing with a love sick smile and slightly wet hair, along with rain splatters on his shirt, and the bouquet of tulips in his hand. "will you go out with me?"

#♡ hues'.#♡ handmade.#this is not angst trust me #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #osamu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu fic #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu headcanons #osamu fluff #osamu headcanons #osamu drabbles #osamu fic #osamu angst #haikyuu angst #miya osamu #haikyuu osamu

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sindar-princeling · 2 years

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between the newsletter’s entry where we learn the ponies are okay, me picking apart rings of power and analysing why it doesn’t fully feel like tolkien, and this one gifset of frodo and sam i reblogged, i felt like i finally have to gather my thoughts regarding what makes tolkien tolkien

and while there are many things that do, i’d argue that the most special one is its earnestness.

characters in LOTR care unabashedly, with all their hearts, and love so easily, whether it’s platonic, familial or romantic.

the hobbits feel like the most obvious example - merry, pippin and sam follow frodo for as long as they’re able; their loyalty goes deep to their bones, and their relationships are so full of trust, joy, devotion, fondness.

but all of LOTR is just more examples of the same thing. after the war legolas spends the rest of his life in middle-earth with gimli - they travel together for over a hundred years - and then he decides he won’t just say goodbye when gimli dies! and he does something that hasn’t been done before and just takes gimli to valinor, but not before aragorn dies. because they both loved him, too. faramir asks “do you not love me, eowyn?“ and she realises she does, and he says he’ll marry her and they’ll grow a garden and heal, and he kisses her even though everyone can see them. sam loves frodo, and he loves rosie, and he spends his life with her, then joins frodo in the undying lands after she dies.

and it shines through in the movies, too! it’s thanks to both the direction and the acting skills of the cast, of course, that so, so often all emotions are on full display - whenever sam and frodo interact, when aragorn kisses boromir’s forehead, when the hobbits say goodbye at the grey havens, when pippin finds merry at the battlefield, the way gandalf reacts when frodo says he’ll go to mordor, the way theoden breaks down at his son’s grave, the way he cares about eowyn like she’s his own child, the way eomer reacts when he finds eowyn and thinks she’s dead. those are just examples off the top of my head.

it’s also very special to me because in many fictional works (not only in fantasy) people just aren’t allowed to be that open - mostly men, but not exclusively - meanwhile this earnestness is something i always look for in fiction.

it stands out especially if you consider some fantasy creators (not naming any names but you know who i mean ajsjdjfjf) saying they “just want to reflect the misogyny of the period” (which is just bullshit and also demeaning to people of all genders in so many ways), because while LOTR is heavily male-dominated, tolkien managed to do something very, very interesting and important there.

he says, “war is the province of men”, but it doesn’t mean you’re supposed to want to be there. you’re not supposed to want to go to battle, suffer and/or die. eomer wants eowyn to stay home because he loves her, and couldn’t stand to see her die in a cruel, gruesome way (and when he thinks she’s dead, it’s the most devastating display of grief in the whole movie trilogy).

the heroes go to war because there are things that need defending, and dying for a noble cause is honorable, but again - it’s about defending, not about fighting. the clearest villains of LOTR are people who want the war to happen. many of the heroes, most of whom are men, just want peace for their people, want companionship (one of the first things aragorn says to the hobbits is that he’d be happy to have more friends, because being a ranger means he’s lonely), or want a good meal and a good drink like the hobbits. they want comfort and warmth. they want to finish a book like bilbo. they want to live in a garden among all things that live and grow like faramir. they want to marry and have a home and kids like sam.

and the things is, it’s not always that common in fiction, but it’s absolutely common, you know. IN REAL LIFE? BECAUSE MEN ARE PEOPLE? so it’s just really good to have tolkien absolutely divorce masculinity in his works from how his characters show emotions, or how much comfort they crave. and that is a realistic approach i’m interested in.

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prettymase · 1 month

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Meant To Be

NOTES: This fic is completely newly written and I haven’t written in ages but I hope this is good enough. Before you get into it I want you to know that some parts of the fic are quite personal to me and I was contemplating on whether to add or not, but I have included TW warnings. This fic had also been requested by my love @footiehoemcfc I hope you enjoy reading it babe. There will be a part two to this but I wanted to get the first part out first bc I’ve left @footiehoemcfc waiting too long for this 🫶🏼 ✨

WORD COUNT: 4.9k words

TW: mentions of car crash, drunk drivers

You promised yourself that you would never be in this situation.

This is the kind of situation you told your best friends to avoid. It’s basic girl code, telling them not to be stupid in going back to their ex. You know it never ends well. Most of the time anyways.

Most of the time they end up falling for their bullshit and then that causes them hurting even more.

You know right now, you are a dumbass.

Your relationship with Mason ended shortly after Christmas.

It’s bad enough you saw it coming but you didn’t expect it to happen quickly after Christmas as the way he broke up with you, you thought he would want to mend things. Things that haven’t been easy in your relationship the last few weeks. You thought he wanted to apologise for being a dick.

Before the World Cup, you both knew the relationship was falling short. However, you were determined to make it work. No matter how had you tried, you couldn’t afford losing him.

You tried to support him in every way possible. Travelling to Qatar, showing your moral support. You also suggested couples therapy, tried to get him to talk about his feelings he was keeping inside. And everything else that was on the list. Making you feel useless at times.

Mason however, wasn’t having any of it. He liked to feel like he could take care of himself. He knew he was pushing you away and he didn’t want to but this is what it has come to and he can’t stop himself now.

In Qatar, there wasn’t much you could do with him not being able to see everyday with the World Cup consequences. Which you understood. You tried looking at the positives, maybe time apart from you would make him realise how much he misses having you around and helping him out. You thought he would he would take his time to think about how shitty he has been with you the last couple of weeks leading up to the World Cup. To your surprise, it was the complete opposite. Mason came to the conclusion it would be better if the two of you went separate ways.

The night you two broke up, well when he broke up with you, always replayed in your head.

“I think we should break up,” Mason started to say, showing no emotion on his face whatsoever.

“What?” you definitely wasn’t expecting this.

He had planned a a nice romantic evening or so you thought. The dinner table was elegantly decorated, with rose petals and candles around the table, with two glasses of wine, which you dismissed because you didn’t feel like drinking.

You thought the best of things, thinking that he’d apologise for his behaviour these last couple of weeks. Instead he did all this to break up with you.

“I want you to know don’t think I don’t love you because I do, it’s just the things that’s happening this season, I can’t love you the same when I’m feeling like shit.”

“You’re having one bad season and you’re throwing me out of your life?!” You asked confusedly and annoyed. “You’ve had problems before but this was never the solution!”

“Y/N you don’t understand. This is my life, I have to try and help and the tea-”

“This is not your life!!” You snapped. “It’s what you do for a living, big difference Mason.”

‘It is now okay?! Everything else seems like a distraction!”

“I’m a distraction? Your girlfriend who has been trying to help you for weeks is a fucking distraction? Are you fucking kidding me?” That hurt. It hurt how little to no appreciation he showed for your effort. The tears that you tried to hold in just fell. Maybe it could’ve been from sadness but now you were just mad.

Mad at him.

“Baby,” he sighed trying to ease the tension. Both of you had arguements before but it was never like this. He’s now thinking of throwing the years you had together, which you thought of convincing him to not to do this but it was useless and once he makes his mind up there’s no going back.

“You have no right to call me that anymore. You’ve clearly made up your mind.” You snapped.

“I’m sorry, okay. I didn’t word that right. But you need to understand me.”

“Understand what? That your job is more important than me and everything else in your life? That all the things I’ve done for you in the past meant nothing? Our relationship was for nothing? And that I mean nothing to you?!” You managed to say In between your sobs that you have been keeping in for too long, and this was your thirteenth reason.

You couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Mason stepped closer to you and tried to hug you which you refused at first, but you always found yourself giving in, in the end. This could be your last hug ever so you wanted to treasure it. Wanted to get close to him. Wanted to smell his aftershave that was lingering on his clothes. Wanted him to run his hands up and down your back for comfort.

All for the last time.

You could feel his tears dropping on your shoulder. This couldn’t have been easy for him too. Although you know he’s doing wrong but you also know the past year hasn’t been the best for him and no matter how much this is hurting you, you also know he’s hurting too. “I’m so sorry, my love. I know you think this is easy to do but i promise you it’s not. I love you so much and if it’s meant to be I’m sure we’ll find our ways back to each other soon.” He pulled away from the hug and held the sides of your face, planting a kiss on your forehead. His lips lingering on your forehead a lot longer than anticipated which relaxed your mind for a second.

“I’m going to go gather my things and go.” You sniffled.

Mason just nodded in response and let you get to it. You go into your shared bedroom, where you gathered most of your things, one thing that made you break down instantly was your scrapbook you made for his 21st birthday. It was his first birthday you celebrated with him and it was special too, so you wanted to make it memorable. You flicked through the book where you come across the first page which was the first picture you took together, him positioned behind you, his head buried in your neck while you looked so happy. The happiest you’ve been in a long while, you forgot what that felt like.

This book was meant to be what you show your future children, but you didn’t get that far ahead. You hesitated in whether to take it or leave it with him. However you decided to take it with you as you felt like he wouldn’t look back at it.

Once you finally got your things together, you looked back at your shared room which was now Mason’s for one last time. The good times you had in there would be looked back at for sure, at least for you anyways.

Mason who was waiting for you to be done was on the sofa, his head in between in his hands. When he saw you were coming out of the room he offered to help with your luggage but you refused.

“You can stay here for a little while once you get sorted out if you want?” Mason mumbled.

“I think it’s too late for that Mase. Thank you though.” You said as you walked to the front door and remembered that his front door key was in your bag which you handed to him. There was a keyring with the photo of the two of you on there. You walked towards the door until you heard Mason speak again.

“Y/n wait a second,” you looked back at him, hoping he would say this is a mistake and he wants to start fresh with you but was that the case? Nope. “Where are you going to go? It’s late. I don’t want you wondering about at this time of night.” He asked genuinely worried for you.

But you couldn’t help but answer coldly as this wasn’t his problem anymore. You weren’t his problem anymore. “You have no right to worry about that anymore. You start your life from scratch and forget what I ever meant to you. If I ever did mean anything to you. Good luck with the future, Mase.” You choked out.

Quickly, you got out of the door but you weren’t sure how much more you could hold your tears in for. Opening the boot to put all of your things in the back before you got into the drivers seat and drove away from his house for the last time.

There was tears streaming down your face the entire journey, luckily you still had your own flat that you didn’t end up getting rid of, but it’s been a while since you been in there so it will be weird at first but you’ll have to get used to it. After all this was your life from now on.

During your journey to your now new (old) home, you looked back on all the positives that your relationship had. For example; when he took you away just because he felt like it that was also when he said ‘I love you’ for the first time and you were wondering what you did to deserve this man. Now you were wondering what you did to deserve the situation he put you in.

‘Where in the relationship did we go wrong?’ You thought. You always thought you made him happy. But clearly not if he felt like he needed to chuck you out of his life like that. You clearly weren’t as important to him as you thought you were.

When you got to your old flat, as soon as you walked through the door, it’s like you were almost looking for a feeling of home come to you. But that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that it was Mason who made it feel like home. And now you had to live without him.

You had started talking to Mason in the most weird ways ever, you were going through so much at the time so him coming into your life during the most hardest times of your life you would describe it as was truly a blessing in disguise.

Let’s recap to that day..

It was one of those days.

One where you felt like God was never on your side, trying to understand what you did to deserve the last few days of chaos you’ve had.

Eyes closed. Trying to remain calm, steadying your mind and the pace of your breathing.

It had been a long day. You had just come back from the hospital 45 mins ago. No that wasn't your job, your mum had been admitted to hospital after having a traumatic car crash as you'd call it.

On Saturday night she was on the way back from dinner with her friends, until a drunk driver crashed into her and she remained unconscious up until Tuesday morning for a few minutes and remained unconscious again.

When you first got a call from the hospital your first instant reaction was shock and denial because as far as you'd known your mum was all about being a safe driver and she was always scolding you to drive safe. It hadn't settled in until you had seen her. All your emotions started crashing down at once.

You felt a bit helpless and guilty by not being able to do anything to help her, and you were losing hope slowly but deep inside you, you knew your mum will power through this, she's a strong woman after all. After having to raise 6 children when your father left you at a young age deciding that he wanted nothing to do with you, if she could go through that alone, you had hope that she'd get through this.

You couldn't help but feel alone. All your siblings were in their own little bubble and you didn't want to disturb them and you know that they wouldn't care because all of you were all so close but you couldn't help feel like you were burdening them.

All of you were equally upset, each one of them had their own distraction to help not think about this, but you had taken days off to visit your mum during hospital hours and just pour you heart out even though she hadn't had her eyes open you knew she could hear you.

Days prior to this, you had been struggling with your emotions already.

You had given your notice in for work because the environment was becoming so toxic and this guy at work would non stop harassing you until you couldn't take it anymore, mentally it was taking a toll on your mental health. Your ex had gotten back into contact with you repeatedly changing numbers, making different social media accounts to contact you, after numerously blocking him.

Overall you felt like crap, you didn't want to tell your friends about this because you felt like you were asking for sympathy when you didn't want that and you felt like they were all happy within their lives and you didn't want to burst that with your sad feelings.

So you just put a fake smile on your face which was believable to people, and when you were alone tears wouldn't stop flowing.

You hated yourself for not being strong enough.

The peace and quietness lasted about 2 minutes before a message came through your phone. You instantly thought it was someone from the hospital updating you about your mum but this message had confused you even further

Anna?

You most definitely weren't Anna and you most certainly didn't have a date today.

(Imagine you can see the face. Thank you😌)

It was like an addiction messaging each other, you just couldn’t stop. It was flirty banter most of time, he arranged for you to first meet him at a small cafè because he was eager to see you, and this meeting made you feel something for him, even more than you did.

The next meeting you decided to count it as a date, and ever since then you didn’t look back.

He was seriously a blessing in disguise. Your mum was getting better, you got a new job and you couldn’t be more happier that everything finally was starting to fall into place.

Over the months since your breakup you tried to forgive and forget; Forgive because he genuinely did have a lot going on and you also knew his passion for football and maybe you just need to find your way back to each other once the time is right. Forgetting about him and what he meant to you was the hardest thing to do.

It’s been five months now since your breakup and not a day goes by without thinking about him. You just had to remind yourself that he’s probably not thinking about you anymore and he’s probably moved on and as much you wanted him to tell you that he wanted you back probably wasn’t the case. Which hurt you deeply thinking about it but if that’s what helps you to move on then so be it.

The first month was incredibly difficult for you, wanting to text him every hour of the day to try and work things out, even though he ended it you wanted him to fight for you, you once thought you meant the whole world to him, and now acted like you were strangers.

His friends had found out about the break up and checked in on you to see how you were doing. They didn’t see it coming, especially Ben, he thought he was head over heels for you and he was always going on about how perfect his relationship is. Ben insisted on talking some sense into him but you refused, not wanting to force his way back to you, you’d much rather him come back to you when he was ready.

Whenever that was.

At this point you were starting to think that it would only happen in your dreams.

You felt a like crap and thought you were being over dramatic, thinking that Mason’s probably isn’t doing the same and moping over this, so over the next two months you tried pushing him out of your mind and start focusing on your mental health and yourself, getting your self love back.

Saffie, Libby and Imogen, who had been your support system since helped you through it and you couldn’t be more grateful. They also were shocked about the break up but as of right now you didn’t care. You had come to terms with that it wasn’t meant to be and you tried convincing yourself that you were fine with it.

When you moved in with Mason, it was difficult to see them, as they lived out of town and at the time things were just getting hectic that you didn’t have the time, even though you hadn’t seen each other for a while you had still kept each other updated on every little detail.

Tonight, you were going on a night out with your girls. It had been a while since you had a girls night and you couldn’t wait because you had missed your girls.

“Cheers!! I want to make a toast to Y/N. I want you to know that you’re the most strongest person I know and you don’t need no mannn that makes you feel like shit!!” Libby screamed through the loud music that was playing at the club, and you all took a sip of your cocktails. You promised to yourself and the girls that wouldn’t cry tonight and so far you were failing but you decided to blink the tears away and have the time of your life with your besties. It’s the least you deserved.

You don’t know how you got here but you’re not complaining.

You barely make it inside the house. As soon as you both are nside, you’re kissing, making out against the front door. Pushing him back, desperately wanting more, trying to suck every last drop out of the love that is still left.

You’ve missed him. Missed him so much.

“We shouldn’t do this,” Mason pants, pulling away, framing your face with his hands, and you nod.

“No, but it feels good, doesn’t it?” You say with a grin, that’s all your willpower gone out of the window.

Mason grins at you. Just like he used to; it’s just like it used to be.

“Fuck yes. Let’s go upstairs.”

You knows this will only hurt you in the morning but you can’t resist, you’ve missed him, missed how he feels, how he tastes. And all that matters right now is that your legs are wrapped around Mason’s waist and the way he groans when you push yourself into him.

Fuck, it feels good.

It’s not a long, drawn out fuck, no changing positions, no words. It’s not hasty either, but it’s desperate, both of them fighting for the perfect angle, chasing their release, needing it.

Still, it’s loving. The way Mason’s hand is in the exact right spot on your back, the way they kiss, breathlessly moaning into each others mouths. And the way they lock eyes, reading each other’s faces.

They’ve done this many times - spent so many nights entangled, making each other moan and pleasuring themselves. They know this, every part of it is familiar.

It happens too quickly, but you wouldn’t have the strength to prolong it anyways. It’s too much, there is not a single clear thought in your head as you kiss Mason through his climax.

“It will hurt more tomorrow,” Mason whispers when you pull him closer under the blanket. You know he’s not just talking about you aching. His tone is soft, laced with a shadow of a sorry, his hand gently stroking your arm, the gesture putting you to sleep.

When you woke up it was around four AM you weren’t surprised to find yourself sleeping next to someone but you couldn’t pinpoint on who it was as you were too drunk and didn’t remember a single thing about your one night stand as you rarely have them, silently cursing yourself for drinking too much.

This room seemed familiar to you though, you don’t know if your mind was playing tricks on you or if it was actually familiar to you. That was until the person next to you turned to face you, still asleep and you were met with none other than Mason.

You shot up at the exact second, accidentally waking up Mason doing so. “Y/N, what’s wrong? Let’s get back to sleep yeah?” Mason says in a sleepy voice but you were still in a state of shock of how this happened, you were about to reply until you turned around to face him to see him asleep again.

How did you let this happen.

You went downstairs to compose yourself with a glass of water and watched your reflection on his window.

‘You stupid idiot. Why did you do this to yourself?’ You thought. The more you thought about everything that had happened last night, how much you missed him touching you, kissing you, tears were forming because it just wasn’t fair that he was making you feel like this.

In the middle of your thoughts, Mason entered the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around your waist, buried his face in your neck, kissing it repeatedly. “Baby, why are you here? It’s 4am,” he whispered in your ear. You were just staring blankly outside at his patio, tears threatening to fall. Your lip started wobbling.

How could you be so dumb? He starts seducing you whilst drunk and it worked so easily he had you right where he wanted. You were never that girl to have one night stands, but this one felt like one because you knew what Mason’s decision was.

“Listen, you were drunk. We both had a little too much to drink. I saw you in the club alone, I don’t know where your friends were and you looked like you had a little too much to drink. I offered to take you home but you mentioned you left your keys with Imogen because you know how clumsy you can be and lose them. So I took you back to mine and I don’t know how it happened but there was sexual tension in the air and we both started kissing and one thing led to another, but I want you to know it doesn’t mean anything to me.” Mason said so confidently.

You needed a moment to hear the last sentence alone, but you wanted him to think that were coping well without him because he had moved on and somehow you needed to do the same, but after last night it’s become hard again. It’s like having sex with him has brought your feelings back again but it doesn’t matter because he doesn’t feel the same about you anymore, even though when you broke up he told you that he’ll always love you. You guessed that was lie.

You wanted it to mean something to him, you wanted him to ask for you back. You wanted him to fight for you.

Which will only happen in your dreams by the looks of it.

You wondered if he ever loved you? Now you just believed what your negative thoughts were telling you.

“I’m going to get my stuff and leave,” you said with a lump in your throat and glossy eyes.

Mason saw the expression on your face and was the sick of the sad expression you had on your face and he snapped, “Okay. Don’t expect me to stop you then. I have moved on.”

It’s like this was a different man in front of you, you don’t remember getting to know this guy, you don’t remember falling in love with him. The Mason you remember falling in love with wouldn’t let you go without a fight. You weren’t going to let him treat you like this so you snapped back. “Yeah because you sleeping with me last night really tells me that you’ve moved on doesn’t it?” You rolled your eyes.

“It was a mistake! I told you, I was drunk, you were drunk, one thing led to another and it’s a regret of mine now letting you think that you’ll ever get close to me again. Maybe, just maybe if you weren’t so needy all the damn time we could’ve given this a second chance.” Mason frustratedly said, with what he said, sounded like you hurt him, when he was the one to break up with you. It just didn’t make any sense to you.

You wished he hadn’t pushed you away. You pushed past Mason to get your things, not wanting to stay here a minute longer.

Mason stayed quiet, knowing what he said was wrong but in the heat of the moment it just came out. Once you came out of his room and got your things ready, you walked out his front door whilst he watched you leave.

It had been two nights since that night you encounter with Mason, you started thinking outside of box and tried moving on as he had, it was lot harder than you thought it would be. Maybe because the Mason you saw two nights ago was a completely different person in front of you.

Maybe if you went on a few dates it would help? You thought.

You never did see yourself separating from Mason, but that’s how things currently were and you had to accept that. You decided to scroll on Twitter for bit and what first came up on suggested posts surprised you a little because you weren’t expecting that when you opened the app.

To say you were more than hurt to see how he’s moved on quickly, but also you were convinced that the paparazzi make things worse from what they were. You experienced it when you were with Mason, so part of you were hoping that this girl pictured with him was just a friend but looking at the picture it was telling you something else.

You know it has been more than a few months that you’ve broken up now but a part of you wasn’t ready to let go. But you always promised yourself that if you saw Mason happy with another person you would be happy for him no matter how much it hurt you inside and you weren’t going to ruin his happiness.

That’s if this article was true.

Now you needed to move on because it seemed like Mason wasn’t going to come back to you by the looks of things and you need to accept that.

Mason didn’t know how to feel when the paparazzi photos came out, first of all the pictures were completely misleading to what they actually were.

He wasn’t on a date.

The only thing he was doing was playing Cupid, and setting this girl up with his mate, Ben. When Mason spotted Y/N on a night out with her friends, he was with Ben and a few of his other friends. This girl caught Ben’s attention but he was too much of a scaredy cat to go up to her. He thought he missed his chance.

That was until, the girl, Chloe, reached out to Mason on DMs and asked if they could meet to talk things through. He knew Ben wouldn’t dare to ask her outright, so they planned to call it a ‘blind date’ because Chloe actually had her eyes on Ben and it turns out that when she was about to go up to him that night he had disappeared, she couldn’t find him but she also knew Mason was good friends with Ben so she’s shooting her shot the long way.

Mason still deeply loved Y/N, he only said he moved on because he wanted Y/N think he’s doing okay without her. He really doesn’t know why he started pushing her away, and he regrets it because all he wanted know is Y/N between his arms. He would do everything for their relationship to be normal again, but instead he had to fuck it up.

Mason won’t be stupid enough to lose you again at any given chance. He was already stupid enough to know what life was like without you and he’s not risking that again.

He knew he needed to fix this.

—

taglist: @chilwellspulisic

#mason mount #mason mount x reader #mason mount fics #mason mount x oc #mason mount x you #mason mount oneshot #mason mount fic #mason mount one shot #mason mount fluff #mason mount smut #mason mount angst #mason mount x y/n #mason mount oneshots #mason mount fanfics #mason mount fanfic #mason mount imagine #mason mount imagines

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angelsworks · 1 year

Text

Yandere!Edward Cullen x popular! Reader

Type: Oneshot

Request: Nope

Summary : After moving to a new school Edward Cullen finds his mate at the top of the social good chain.

Warnings: Controlling nature, yandere themes, high school.

This must have been some sort of joke by Alice. When she said she’d seen his mate Edward was over the moon; more than that, he was floating in space. Far above the moon in fact, closer to the Milky Way. After being alone for so long, finally finding his mate was a godsend.

What Alice seemed to leave out was the fact that you were the most popular person at forks high school, maybe even the most popular person in forks.

A week late (Y/N) arrived at Forks High school. The brightest smile he’d ever seen adorned your face, eyes full of stars. It was easy to see why everyone was so entranced by you.

You spoke to everyone, which might have sounded exaggerated, but Edward had seen you. Whatever social status these students had didn’t matter. Any reason to say hello and you did.

By the end of the day you’d told their whole year why you were a week late, some wildlife retreat in the mountains.

At lunch you sat with your main group, being the main entertainment for them all. Whether it was through an entertaining joke or some personal opinions you were sharing.

Throughout that first week he stayed back and watched you as they floated around school. To him you were an Angel. You were kind to everyone and he hadn’t heard you say a bad thing yet.

But he was getting angsty. You were either talking to someone else or being pestered by admirers for him to make his introduction. It got to a point where Emmet was teasing him at his inability to talk to his own mate.

The pull towards you was undeniable. Your scent would calm him, your voice would lull him into an impossible sleep, your thoughts came as brief flashes but were so interesting and whimsical.

Everything about you was perfect to him.

He wasn’t the only one who thought that unfortunately. He could count twenty people at least who thought about you romantically. He has the awful pleasure of hearing their every thought. The only resolve he has was listening to your own, brief as they were they weren’t filled with them.

His salvation came in the middle of week two in the form of a seating plan. Many of the teachers had realised that students couldn’t be trusted to sit with friends so they made seating plans.

Seeing as Edward was new for the most part the teachers assumed you two hadn’t met yet. It was this very thought that lead to him being sat with you for five lessons out of the many others.

It was here in an English class he could finally say hello.

For the first time since he’d seen you he could feel his dead heart beat as you spoke to him. Your smile lighting your face, eyes twinkling, thoughts filled with flashes of him.

It didn’t last long before your attention was taken from him and on to someone else. It wasn’t necessarily the other persons fault. You were just so bubbly, too bubbly if that’s possible.

It didn’t stop his thoughts from turning jealous and hateful. You were his mate not that you knew it and your attention should be on him.

In the next lesson he shared he convinced you to sit with him and his family at lunch. Telling you that they were all really shy and hadn’t spoke to many people yet. Of course that was how they wanted it.

You more than happily agreed, explaining that ordinarily you would have welcomed them yourself, but you were away and no one told you. You’d been too preoccupied with being in your own little human world.

The Cullens all made an effort to smile and act as human as possible. They even took bites out of the previously untouched food on their trays.

Not that you noticed. You happily chatted about the school and all the best things about it, from the inside scoop on teachers to the clubs on offer.

You asked your own set of questions to, about their home life and family. About doctor and Mrs cullen. Where they’d been before.

After that day you’d gone back to sitting with your friends. You’d smiled every time you saw any of the Cullens, Edward included. But it wasn’t enough. Not for Edward. He wanted to be more than just someone you smiled at. He felt like any other person in the hall; not your mate.

At this point he was feeling drastic, not that it was unheard of for him to be. He called upon his siblings for help.

From that point while you spoke to your friends a feel of boredom filled your being. It could have been the funniest story in the world; but it just felt mediocre.

After a couple of weeks you started to feel really bad. You didn’t understand why you were being such a bad friend.

Jasper told Edward about this adding to his own suspicions from reading your mind. He asked Jasper to further help him out.

Edward made more of an effort to catch you alone. And Jasper made an effort to fill you with so much joy during that time, that it became undeniable you enjoyed Edward’s company more.

Soon you were having lunch with the reclusive Cullens more. Along with sitting with Edward in classes and hanging out after school. It all became very Edward centred, which is what he wanted.

Through no fault of your own you’d isolated yourself from your friends, from everyone. One planned to confront you about it. Alice however saw this in her visions, telling Edward who convinced Rosalie to be especially mean to that friend.

It didn’t stop them though. When they came to you to tell you how mean Rosalie had been, you didn’t believe them. Telling them she’d only ever been nice to you and everyone else. You brushed them off, causing them to get annoyed. Calling you out on your distance.

It made you highly upset. Giving Edward a chance to get closer to you. He was able to hold you as you cried and his heart swelled.

His plans had worked extremely well. So well in fact that it was easy getting you to accept his offer to take you out on a date. From there your relationship only grew.

That one friend kept interfering though. Edward brushed them off, telling you it was natural to spend more time with a partner and that they were just jealous.

When they kept being an issue for your relationship Edward decided to take it into his own hands. He took care of that friend. He was careful not to do anything that will alter his amber eyes.

You were heartbroken of course, to hear that they’d disappeared in the woods. It wasn’t an unusual occurrence. But saddening none the less.

His family had their suspicions, but they valued his happiness over his moral ambiguity.

Eventually Edward decided to tell you about his vampiric nature. It went down well of course with Jasper’s help.

Any chance of you leaving was seen by Alice, your moods were controlled by Jasper and Edward has a keyhole view into your mind.

He decides not to tell you about their gifts just yet.

Not until your turned and by his side forever.

#yandere #yandere twilight #edward cullen #edward cullen x reader #yandere edward cullen #yandere cullen #dark #edward cullen fan fiction #edward cullen oneshot

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gay-dorito-dust · 8 months

Note

How about some blue beetle romantic headcanons?

I might’ve gone on for a bit so I had to stop myself before I go overboard. 🦦

I don’t know much about Jaime but if there’s one thing I do know is that he’s got a big heart, a massive one at that, a heart that withholds a lot of love for the people he’s blessed to have in his life; which so happens to include yourself. ❤️

With you, Jaime is a puppy in love, he’s infatuated and sometimes he doesn’t even realise that he’s doing it unless someone mentions it, it might be because Jamie finds that admiring you comes naturally to him. So much so that it becomes almost second nature for him to just step outside of himself and admire you with a dopey/puppy look in those pretty eyes of his…that is until Khaji-Da’s voice echos within his mind- and interrupting his shameless ogling- to talk about how high his oxytocin and serotonin levels were.

To which he would jump at the sound of before then becoming increasingly warm with embarrassment, which would be something Khaji-Da would also comment on, much to Jaime’s dismay;

‘Jaime, you are flustered, perhaps, embarrassed even?’

‘Oh shut it.’ He would hiss.

‘I’m sorry?’ You’d ask, thinking he was taking to you, which only made Jaime feel even more uncomfortably warm beneath with his skin as he tried to make up for his accidental slip up.

His response would vary based on whether or not he had told you about the whole Blue Beetle thing.

If you didn’t know he was Blue Beetle: ‘Oh no, not you, never you, I was just…talking to myself.’

If you did know he was Blue Beetle; ‘that was towards Kahji-Da. Not you, never at you y/n. Now what we’re you talking about again?’ Jaime would urge you into continuing your conversation, all the while leaning against the wall as the adoring look upon his face reappeared.

Cuddle bug. Look me in the eyes and tell me he’s not because he fucking is!

You’d both be cuddled up on the couch with his head resting on your chest or yours on his chest, just being your lovely selves, when Milagro would often come into the room to tease her brother by dry heaving or telling you both to get a room. She loved her brother and that love often comes with teasing/taunting the fuck out of him like siblings always do.

Allows you to borrow his hoodies because he loves how you look in them, and totally would not try to discreetly snap a few pictures that you will sooner or later find out about after he uses them as his lock/ and or Home Screen. Where again he would trip over himself trying to find an excusable answer before you would have to ultimately stop him before he hurts himself by admitting to how cute and sweet of him that he would make you his home/Lock Screen.

Or even go as far as to dedicate an whole album to you that’s filled with pictures of you both doing mundane stuff but Jaime’s personal favourite pictures would have to be the ones where you’re with his family or stargazing up on the rooftop with him.

‘Of course I would, I mean why wouldn’t I?’ He grabs ahold of your hands in his own. ‘You’re my heart and soul, the light of my life, why wouldn’t I want to dedicate you in one way or another? I withhold no shame in showing you off because at the end of the day I’m remembered that you chose me, and that’s something I would never take for granted for you are my wish upon a star came true.’ He lifts up your hands so that he may presses a kiss to them before squeezing tightly. ‘So let me at the least reciprocate the love you’ve given me.’

Though let’s be honest Khaji-Da would assume that when Jaime lets you wear his clothes, it was under the pretence of a…territorial thing so that others that may pose a threat to your and Jaime’s relationship take note that you weren’t theirs to openly stare at. And to this Khaji-Da would simply say;

‘why don’t we just eliminate all threats, just so that there is no one left alive to challenge us?’

‘First of all, you’ve got it all wrong Khaji-Da, I don’t just give y/n my clothes because I feel territorial over them.’ Jaime would begin to explain. ‘I give them my clothes because I genuinely find them beautiful/handsome/cute/charming/amazing/stunning in them and most of all I want them to feel as though they’ve got a piece of me when I’m away Blue Beetling it up as my scent gives them a sense of peace and comfort. Does that make sense.’ He finishes.

… ‘we could still kill them.’ - Khaji-Da

‘Please stop.’ - Jaime Reyes

Words of affirmation, physical touch and quality time are Jaime’s bread and butter. (though that’s just my personal opinion.)

He’s got a whole book full of affirmations made specifically for you because he becomes like a never ending fountain of sweet, dorky yet beautiful words when it came to you; So much so that there wouldn’t be a day where you went without some affirming and words from your beloved Jaime Reyes. Words that never fail to make your heart melt, your smile grow and overall make you feel like you could move mountains because that’s how being with Jaime made you feel on a daily basis.

So in return, you smother him in kisses, affection and your own words of love because why should you receive all of his love without giving him all of your love back tenfold.

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arcanumofthestars · 2 months

Note

ALASTOR X FEM READER HEAD CANONS?!

This is my first ever attempt of writing, well anything except for essays for schools, and all that in Greek, so be nice everyone, I know it's not that good and I can't add those pretty wavy lines or pictures for the life of me so if you have tips it would be very appreciated.

Alastor x Fem!Reader Headcanons.

- If one thing can be said for Alastor, he's a gentleman. He treats you in the way a proper lady should be treated.

- When he first meets you, he is interested of course, and does not forget to let you know.

- He won't tell you, but it's pretty obvious, from the small things he does for you, like holding the door, offering you his arm when you walk side by side, or kissing your hand when he hasn't seen you for a long time.

- He argues with himself every day, debating whether he should try to make a deal for your soul, to keep you his forever.

- He rejects the idea in the end, as he recognises that his feelings have grown deeper than just possessiveness.

- And he wonders why.

- It's not your appearance, although you're very beautiful, it's just not it. It's not the fact you believe in redemption either. Cute, adorable maybe, but still not it. And finally, he realises. It's the small touches you put in everything, little signs that say “**Reader** was here”.

- Like how you put a bit more spice in the food you make. How you might rearrange the chairs around the table because you got bored. How you can have a deep conversation with Angel or Husk and lift their spirits immediately. How you encourage Charlie when she needs it.

- And how you can see right through him. When you made jambalaya because you “accidentally” overheard that it's his favourite. When you mirror his manners because you know he gets angry and frustrated with rudeness and slang. When you keep Niffty and the Egg Boys away when he's not in the mood to deal with them. When you asked for permission to go up to his radio tower to clean up a bit, claiming that it must be… well… filthy after all those years. When you know he wants to go out to kill so you leave some towels and black coffee in his room for when he returns. (He doesn't know how the coffee is always warm even if he returns the next day, and it's driving him crazy.)

- He told Husk about it. It's not like the bartender would tell anyone, after all Alastor owns his soul.

- It takes months of deep talking and cheerful conversations for him too actually ask you out, as he is concerned that you might reject him because of his blood lust. But he does. And you say yes.

- The first date is something really classy, a fancy restaurant maybe, with romantic candles, and music, delicious food, and you two even dance a bit.

- A whole lot dates follow, and when things finally become official, everyone in the hotel is dumbfounded, but happy anyway. Maybe you'll manage to put some sense in the Radio Demon after all.

- The whole time Alastor calls you pet names like “dear” or “darling”, though when he wants to fluster you he might say a soft “baby” in his sentence, because, let's not forget that this kind of pet name was considered top in the 1930’s.

- And, oh well, sinners can't have kids, but you have a lot of work in the hotel anyway.

- Alastor even lets you say some stuff in his radio broadcast sometimes. And, definitely, he does NOT talk about you for twenty minutes after that every time.

- And the smile on the Radio Demon's face does not look so forced any more.

That's all for now! I'll be back for more! My requests are open! I'm waiting for suggestions!Check the fandoms I write for in my pinned post.

#alastor x reader #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel #alastor #fanfiction #x reader

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rggie · 2 years

Text

when you ignore them but you’re actually upset. p.1 p.2 ￫

characters: leona, kalim, vil, idia

summary: you ignore the housewardens, but it’s not a joke, or a trend. you’re actually upset. | requested by anon, sequel to this!

cw: mild language, sfw, a little bit of hurt/comfort, crack & fluff, established relationship, gn! reader. wc: 550+

leona kingscholar

• if you’re ignoring him, and you’re actually upset?? i suggest to go into hiding instead. a search party of beastmen are already looking for you regardless of whether you’re mad at him or at something else. you forced yourself into his life, so now he’s going to force himself into yours. that’s fair, right? he misses your presence. he’s really worried but at the same time he won’t approach you straight away because he’s stubborn. he’s frustrated, but not with you!! he’s mad at himself for upsetting you. ends up taking the anger out on random dorm members. glaring at everyone like (≖､≖╬)

• jack, genuinely confused: leona’s angry? isn’t that just his normal face?

• as soon as you both agree to talk his scowl is no more. his anger? dissipated! just like that! so please talk to him. he’ll even make the first move. when it comes to comforting he’s a man of few words—he says what he needs to, no beating around the bush. he’s nudging your arm, a silent request to touch you before grabbing your hands (his are clammy. he was anxious, don’t mention it otherwise he WILL walk away.) to take you somewhere secluded so you can make up cuddle the bad feelings away.

kalim al asim

• at first, he doesn’t even realise you’re ignoring him. he literally just thinks you’re busy, so he’s just peachy ^_^ until jamil asks if the two of you are arguing. his smile falls, and jamil regrets everything instantly. kalim, now tearful: “oh no. are we??”

• he thinks he’s neglecting you. he might fly over on his magic carpet in the middle of the night to apologise dramatically, waking everyone in the vicinity up. crowley starts fake sobbing into a tissue, lamenting how it’s the most romantic thing he’s lived to experience before giving you a detention mercilessly.

• if he can’t find you, or you refuse to talk to him, you might find him sleeping outside your dorm … he doesn’t wanna intrude, but he also wants to make sure you’re okay, so this is as close as he’ll get! jamil is not pleased. why do they have to camp outside now? he hates bugs.

vil schoenheit

• you’re seriously mad at him?? it’s not a joke? he doesn’t even know why you’re ignoring him. to be quite frank, he’s offended. so he ignores you. his logic is: “it’s not ignoring if we’re both doing it. it’s just a mutual agreement to not talk.”

• thinks you want something. “is it the jade roller?” no vil, it’s not the goddamn jade roller!

• things stay silent on both sides, until epel points out he’s snappier than usual. he caves in. he wants to talk to you again. if you refuse to see him, rook might end up sending arrows to your window to get your attention. (vil did not order him to do that, rook did it of his own volition). when you finally speak to him, he’s shocked to hear himself apologising first. the words just tumble right out of his mouth. please don’t question his behaviour as he fusses over you. have you been crying? your eyes are reddened and glossy. vil is immediately coddling you. all whilst he has a stress induced break-out that he’ll definitely blame you for the next day.

idia shroud

• his initial reaction when you brush past his tablet is: wtf??? lol. maybe you didn’t see him. he gets ortho to adjust his position and honestly, you’re a funny sight to see, having a robo-boy and a tablet trail behind you. he realises you’re ignoring him pretty fast after that, and is so ashamed the tablet switches off. goes to his priv twitter to cry about it (he has to softblock you)

• he’s overthinking. he’s probably sent you about 50 messages on imessage, he’s pinged you on discord and he’s currently checking your activity status on your favourite game. are you AFK-ing irl? then he gets embarrassed at his own texts and deletes some, but then he worries that you think he thinks he doesn’t care, and—oh no, was the wholesome meme he just sent outdated?!! do you hate him now?? he blames himself really badly. starts biting his fingernails anxiously. ortho forces him to venture out, find you and apologise. because he misses you, too! (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

#twst fake texts #twst texts #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar x reader #kalim al asim x reader #vil schoenheit #vil schoenheit x reader #idia shroud #idia shroud x reader #🐾・/ rggie twst

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yanderehsr · 9 months

Note

hellooo, may i request platonic yandere blade, dan heng and jing yuan with a teen!reader who is very shy? basically, they had some sort of neglectful parents, and isolated lifestyle too, which makes them nervous around people and not develop social skills, which also makes them be naive and manipulated easily, and they also have a fear of being trapped/locked up

Hope this lives up to your expactations🙂

Trigger Warning: Yandere, Obsessive behaviour, Possessive behaviour, Kidnapping. Murder

Blade: He sees you for the first time when you are trying to dodge a large crowd of people. He doesn't know why he did it but he grabbed your arm and pulled you out, you pulled your arm from him, thanked him and then you ran away.

He felt like he wanted to know more, Blade rarely finds things interesting but you are different. He stalks you, he needs to find his answers, and he finally sees why you are so shy, neglected by your parent, yet you are forced to stay in your room never to leave.

It will take some months before Blade decides to take you with him, life with him would surely be much better than with your parents, it is not something romantic, you just seem to heal him, make him feel happy. The next time you see your parents, they are dead, and there stands Blade, ready to take you to your new home.

"Are you ready to go to your new home, whether you are ready or not you're still comming with me"

Dan Heng: He sees you like a little sister, someone he must protect. He met you at one of the planets he needed to save, he saw how sad you looked, how you tried to avoid anyone that came too close, he wants to know why you're like this.

Dan Heng introduces himself to you, trying to get you to open up. You don't know why you trust him, maybe he just looked safe. He manipulates the hell out of you when he realises how naive you are, getting you to tell him your deepest secrets.

He knows how neglectful your parents are, he hates them so, so much. You are his little sister, of course he will save you from your parents, he tricks you onto the astral express. When you notice the train leaving you start to panic, he reasures you that this is no kidnapping, it is just an adventure, you will return, and as always you belive him.

"What do you mean kidnapping, nonsense. I just want to spend a bit of time with my dear sister"

Jing Yuan: He tries so hard to make you happier. He first met you when he was speaking with your parents about business, and all you did during the talk was look down on the floor, avoiding eye contact and jumped when someone accidentaly touched you

He realises quickly that your parents aren't exactly the best ones, wouldn't it be better if you were his child instead, you could even be a friend to Yanqing. Whatever business your parents were discussing, he accepted them just so that he could meet you again.

Jing Yuan, keeps feeding you lie after lie about your parents, making you hate them, all just to get you to want him as your parent. He gives you the idea about it, that he always wanted a child like you. You wont notice you walked into your own cage before it's too late.

"I will give you happiness, all you need to do is to never leave"

Ok, I hope it was satisfying😊

#yandere #yandere honkai star rail #yandere hsr #yandere male #yandere blade #yandere blade x reader #yandere dan heng #yandere dan heng x reader #yandere jing yuan #yandere jing yuan x reader #platonic yandere

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rose-tea-and-strawberries · 10 months

Text

After All Is Said And Done

Masterlist After the events of the winter holidays and Jamil’s manipulation, you and your friends are left to pick up the pieces.

Warning: I write the reader as female. Also the reader celebrates Christmas.

Includes: Angst, Female Prefect!Reader, Book 4 Spoilers, references to PTSD and depression, Jamil x Reader if you squint, platonic Ace x Reader x Deuce but can be read as pre-romantic

Honestly, after writing this, I’m thinking about writing a version with Riddle, Azul, Vil and Malleus...

You know I'm still standing better than I ever did

Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid

I'm still standing after all this time

Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

- Elton John, I’m Still Standing

“Hey Y/N, there’s another one,” Grim called out from the doorstep. You can feel your stomach sink, already knowing just what was left at your door.

“Ugh,” Ace groaned in disgust, “you’d think that he’d give up after all this time.”

You mentally agreed. Ever since the incident in Scarabia during the winter holidays, Kalim has been making an effort to invite you to his parties. Eagerly calling out your name whenever he spots you and enthusiastically telling you to come join him, listing all of the food and music he’d love to share with you. You have to admit, you did have a soft spot for the young heir, his genuine wholesomeness making it impossible for you to outright dislike him. It’s clear as day that his kindness is authentic, that he actually does want to spend time with you and wishes to bring you enjoyment. The kicked puppy look he gives you every time you politely turn him down with a new excuse each time does take a stab at your conscience but you can’t help it. Every time you think about the possibility of stepping into that dorm your mind reels with memories of darkened rooms, harsh reprimands, agonisingly scalding marches, banging on doors until your hands bruised and screaming for someone, anyone, to let you out until your throat ached.

“Just burn it, Grim, you know the drill,” Deuce told the feline, his face twisted into annoyance.

“Hell yeah,” Grim crows in triumph, about to summon one of his beloved fire blasts before Ace swiped the ornately detailed paper from his paws and unceremoniously threw it into your fireplace not even giving it a glance as the flames burned it to ash.

“Don’t even bother,” Ace said, “stuff like this isn’t worth anyone’s time and effort. At least it can be used to kindle the fire for s’mores now.”

You looked at Ace and Deuce and you thanked The Seven for having such amazing friends. Whilst the uncomfortable twisting in your stomach still remained, their obvious attempt at helping you definitely alleviated it.

The previous winter holidays made it clear just how much they cared about you. The moment that they realised that something was wrong, they put aside their differences and used their own resources to personally check up on you. Granted, you would have appreciated it more if they arrived a few days earlier whilst you were still being kept prisoner but the warmth you felt inside at seeing such friendly faces after so long made up for everything.

When Ace and Deuce had entered Ramshackle with Grim one afternoon to prepare for another impromptu sleepover, with bags of groceries and overnight things in their arms, they were surprised to find it completely silent. Apart from the scuttling and twittering of woodland creatures, the moaning of old pipes and the nervous whispering of the apparitions that lived with you, it was disturbingly quiet.

They felt a collective chill go up their spines, though whether that was due to the lack of heat in this abandoned building, the growing fear that something is wrong with you or the presence of undead spirits huddled up in your living room was unknown.

The ghosts’ head shot up at the sounds of the door creaking closed behind them and the thuds of the boys dropping their bags onto the floor, frazzled worry lining their wispy white non-corporeal forms as they floated towards them. Their clear agitation did absolutely nothing to soothe the trio’s growing anxiety.

“You youngins’ are here for Y/N right?” one of them asked.

“Yeah, we are,” Ace replied, his voice coming out more harsh and aggressive to mask the growing dread.

“Is something wrong?” Deuce’s voice, on the other hand, clearly conveyed every inch of fear that he felt.

“We don’t know,” a taller ghost stated, “we haven’t seen Little Miss in ages.”

“All this time she’s been in her room, without a peep,” another butted in, “it’s been hours and she hasn’t even come down for dinner.”

“And you didn’t think to check on her?!” Ace said angrily, “she could be in trouble.”

“We can’t go in there!” the shortest of them explained defensively, “that’s a lady’s room.”

“And even if we could, what’s the point?” the first one elaborated, “it’s not like we have bodies that can help her.”

“Please go see her,” the second implored, “we’re worried.”

“You really care about her, huh?” Ace noted, seeing the panicked, begging looks that were being directed at them.

“Of course we do,” a ghost stated matter-of-factly, “Little Miss is family.”

“Maybe it’s nothing,” Deuce said after a beat of silence, trying to calm himself and everyone else, “maybe she’s just sleeping?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Grim was quick to jump to that conclusion, any conclusion that wasn’t the fact that his beloved henchman is in trouble, “Henchman’s just conked out. She’s fine.”

Despite his cheery words, he couldn’t help the pit forming in his stomach, a deep hole that not even tuna could satisfy. The three of them looked at each other before running up the creaking stairs, with Deuce throwing the ghosts a quick thank you. As they reached the top and made their way down the corridor and towards your bedroom, they could faintly hear the sound of rushing water getting louder and louder. In spite of the darkness enshrouding the passageway, your room appeared to be fully lit, if the hazy golden glow peeking out from under your door was any indication.

With a firm twist, Ace banged open the door, completely ignoring the sound of it ricocheting off of its adjacent wall in his hurry to see you, only to find your room completely bare of any life. Noticing that the door to the attached bathroom was wide open, the trio rushed towards it only to stand frozen at the doorway.

The sight they were met with was you, sitting hunched up in your bathtub, still fully clothed sans your socks and shoes. Your shower was still on, sending streams of water down towards your crouched figure, completely drenching you.

“Y/N!” the three of them yelled, racing towards you. Grim jumped into your arms, getting on his hind legs so that he could paw at your shoulder and face, doing whatever his tiny hands could do to get you to notice him. Deuce did the same, stepping into the bathtub whilst Ace turned off the spray of water so that he could grip your shoulders and shake you whilst whisper-shouting your name. Still, you did not react, the only result of their attempts to stir you were your eyes laxly opening at their sudden manhandling, causing them to cease their jostling.

You looked less like a human and more like a marionette who had been cut from its strings. Your eyes, that were usually glowing with personality, all bright, fierce and lively, were currently dull, glassy and doll-like, all dim and staring without seeing. The only confirmation they had that their best friend was not a corpse were the small, dainty, robotic blinks of them and the way your chest would softly rise and fall.

“The hell, Deuce,” Ace looked more worried than he did before - and considering the amount of near death experiences he’s been through with you, that’s saying a lot, “what are we supposed to do?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?!” Grim exclaimed fiercely, not moving from where he was nestled against your cold, drenched chest, “Henchman needs you!”

“I know-I know,” Deuce was quick to appease him, “why don’t we start by getting her out of here and into something warm? Then we can figure out what to do.”

And so he brought you up into a bridal carry. Usually being so close to you would’ve flustered him beyond belief, his shyness around girls amplified around you despite all that you’ve been through together, especially now that the shower water made your soaked clothes stick onto you like a second skin and making certain aspects of your femininity more obvious but his need to help you was far stronger than any bashfulness he had.

He was scared - they all were. To see someone strong enough to fight overblots, to stand by their side and boldly face down the monsters in the mines, to live in this world that they are both literally and figuratively at the bottom of the food chain, so broken was nothing but haunting, a horrific sight that they’ll never be able to unsee.

Ace opened up your closet, grabbing some towels and a pair of pyjamas that he tossed onto your bed, as Deuce carried you to your bedroom, your head resting against the curve of your shoulder before gently placing you down onto your duvet.

“Let’s get you dried up, okay,” Ace cooed at you, smiling softly and speaking with a gentleness that surprised even him. He began to swipe a towel over your sodden frame as Deuce got to work gently drying your hair from behind you and Grim nuzzled, whined and purred against your lap.

“The ghosts told us that you haven’t eaten dinner,” Deuce murmured, “you should change into some dry clothes whilst we go and get you something.”

He got up from your bed and made a move to leave but your hand shot out and grasped onto the hem of his shirt. You continued to look down, not meeting anyone’s eyes as your shaking voice whispered, “don’t go.”

“Y/N, you’re drenched,” Ace said, “and you haven’t had anything in a while. We’ll be just downstairs and we won’t be gone for long.”

“Stay. Please,” your voice was weak and your eyes downcast, “don’t wanna be alone.”

The card soldiers gave each other a look before nodding and climbing onto your bed so that they sat as close to you as possible. You immediately cuddled up to them, allowing yourself to get enveloped by their touch.

“What’s wrong with me?” you whisper.

“Nothing’s wrong with you, Y/N,” Deuce soothed you, gently stroking your head and back like you would a wounded animal.

“Yeah,” Ace agreed with his rival, “it’s everyone else here that’s messed up.”

“Then why,” you did nothing to stop the tears from falling, your words coming out choked from the way your throat was constricting, “then why does all of this keep on happening to me?”

“I don’t know,” the red head sighed in defeat, continuing his ministrations on you.

You said nothing, allowing them to embrace you as you buried your face into their bodies, letting their clothes and Grim’s fur soak up your tears and muffled sobs.

It didn’t go unnoticed how your companions became even more protective of you after that incident. Wherever you went, they would flank you like guard dogs, shielding you from the rest of NRC and directing a glare at anyone who so much as looked at you. After hearing about how uncomfortable you felt being around certain people, they were on the lookout, not-so-sublty steering your body away from anyone they deemed unworthy of being within your gaze (you could’ve sworn that you heard Grim hiss at some students a few times).

It wasn’t just them. Your family of ghosts also made an effort to check in on you. Even when you couldn’t see them, you could feel them hovering near you in another room, making sure that you looked after yourself, gently reminding you to eat, sleep and rest. They called you over more often to join them in games, sharing stories and jokes, making sure not to mention anything that they felt could upset you.

Your past self - the person you were before your entrance to NRC, a person that now seemed almost like a stranger to you - would’ve found it smothering, almost demeaning at how they’re affections seemed to infantilise you but now, all you can think of is how much their presence comforts you, how loved they make you feel. It made you feel seen and heard, that at least the small handful of allies in your tight inner circle care enough to consider your feelings instead of sweeping them under the rug like everyone else. Like how a few words here and there and a few taps on the wrist were enough to clean up the mess that was the last overblot.

When the dust settled and all was said and done, everyone else partied whilst you were left hurt and broken and once again left to pick up the pieces of your shattered self.

It’s like your body is in constant fight or flight mode, with someone’s fist persistently banging on the ‘flight’ switch. Despite the anxiety and fear buzzing in you whenever you take a step outside, you feel constantly tired, both physically and mentally, your head feels like it’s perpetually submerged underwater and every bite of food you take tastes like sandpaper. ‘Down’ is the only word you can think of to describe yourself. Just chronically down - buried deep, deep underground with no way of clawing back onto the surface. It didn’t matter where you were or who you’re with, all you can hear is your mind constantly screaming at you that you’re in danger. No matter how many times they tried, the combined efforts of your new found family still couldn’t drive away the intrusive thoughts that crept up on you, the dark cloud of foreboding that would hover over you, the cold stare of the Grim Reaper that would follow you. Waiting.

You couldn’t fault Jamil for his overblot. Despite the pains of your heart, the logic of your mind knew that he wasn’t truly to blame for tossing you to the ends of Scarabia, for leaving you shivering in the freezing blizzard, your body numbing from its close brush with hypothermia, for sending projectile after projectile after you with the intent to maim, the intent to kill, for leaving the imprints of snake fangs in your body as companions to the myriad of other scars that were gifted to you from him and the overblots that came before. It didn’t take a genius to know that everything he did whilst covered in that disgustingly sticky black ink (the ink that will now and forever be a recurring character in your dreams) wasn’t under his complete control, no matter what your nightmares and the sinister voices that would whisper in your ear during the dead of night told you.

But you allowed yourself to blame him for everything that happened before his subsequent descent into madness; for kidnapping you, hypnotising you, locking you up in a dark room against your will, keeping you away from the only people (and ghosts) that actually cared about you and prevented you from contacting anyone.

You didn’t blame him for wanting freedom, for holding bitterness because of the cards he was dealt with, you just wished that he didn’t sacrifice your wellbeing in his schemes.

Whilst you did hate him for hypnotising you - in this world you already lost so much control of your life, he had to go ahead and take away even more of it - you resent him even more for manipulating you, for feigning affection in a world that gave you anything but, for using you, exploiting your weaknesses and the fact that you had no one apart from Ace, Deuce and Grim to call a friend.

Whilst Christmas doesn’t exist in this world, you made sure to make plans with your family in Ramshackle - you actually had fun detailing all that you were going to do with the ghosts and Grim: coming up with a menu, making or buying hand puppets to create your own Punch and Judy style panto, asking Sam to stock up on this world’s version of Christmas crackers, and just doing what you can to forget the fact that your friends and family are in a whole other world with no way to even give them glad tidings - but instead you spent it marching in the hot desert, contracting heat exhaustion, fainting due to said heat exhaustion when Kalim (actually Jamil) deprives you of any treatment despite your pleads and complaints, slurring your words and vomiting as you tried to ignore the worst migraine of your life and then spending half an hour breaking down into sobbing fits as you were once again imprisoned in that horrid room.

He made you believe that he was a friend, someone you could rely on. When you lost consciousness in the scorching desert, he gave you medicine and treated you to relieve the pain; when you felt confused and hurt by Kalim’s Jekyll-and Hyde-like behaviour and in anguish over not being able to leave, he provided a sympathetic ear and comforting smile as he gave you words of solace. But it was all a lie; you were suffering in the desert because of him, Kalim was hostile to you because of him, you were chased, treated horribly by the Scarabians and locked up against your will because of him.

All the torment you felt was because of him.

When you asked the Dorm Leader of Octavinelle and his underlings for help, you felt sick to your stomach, like scorching acid was leaving your mouth instead of words, at the very idea of having to ask the ones who conspired to make you homeless for help. But you had no choice, and the fact that he put you in a position where you had to go to people that you would rather die than ever associate with again makes you hate him even more.

Although, if you had to be honest, in a strange, warped sort of way, you almost respected Ashengrotto for what he did to you. At least he was honest when he stripped you of your home and the only family you had in this world, at least his malicious intentions weren’t hidden when he slyly slid you that dreaded contract - you didn’t even know why you were even surprised when he sent the eels out to harass you in his attempt at sabotage, he might not have invented sleaziness but he sure as hell perfected it. As dodgy as the mermen are, it would be better to have someone that you know you can never trust than one who takes your trust and then crumbles it to sand with his own hands right in front of you.

And Kalim - God, if your feelings for Kalim weren’t the epitome of mixed then you don’t know what is. On the one hand, the genuine warmth he exuded upon meeting you was unprecedented. Unlike the other students in this school, who openly treated you with hostility and malice before you could even say a word, he was the only one good-natured enough to show you the kindness you had missed from your world. Despite the obvious power imbalance, he treated you as an equal, sweeping you away on a magic carpet ride, treating you to the finest delicacies he had to offer, chatting, laughing and playing with you as if you were a person and not some magicless human that didn’t belong. But on the other hand he disregarded everything you went through under his so-called ‘best friend’s’ schemes. All the pain you suffered, all the scars you gained - both physical and emotional - were swept under the rug as Kalim answered Jamil’s public (“and insincere,” your mind adds) apology with an “I forgive you.”

“I forgive you.”

‘I forgive you’ Kalim says brightly and merrily goes out of his way to include Jamil during dorm activities like the Vice Housewarden didn’t do the magical equivalent of drugging and kidnapping you. Like he didn’t play you like a fool, dangling the possibility of friendship, of the companionship that you craved in this strange and lonely new world, before ripping it away from you and stabbing you in the back. Like he didn’t use you as a pawn in his sick, twisted game, literally controlling you and isolating you from any kindness you could get. It didn’t matter that after this you’ll never be the same again. No, of course not.

Because in this world, you didn’t matter.

It all comes to a head when the Viper himself is the one that approaches you.

You’re eating lunch in the dining hall when you feel an arm wrap around your shoulders and you get pulled into Ace’s chest. On your other side you can see Deuce’s hackles raise, his jaw clenching and glaring at an unknown individual with barely concealed anger, looking very much like the ex-delinquent he used to be.

“Whaddya want?” Grim drawls boorishly at the source of your friends’ ire, “we’re eatin’ here.”

“I’m aware of that,” the smooth, velvety voice of the Vice Dorm Leader of Scarabia makes you tense, an action Ace must have felt because you feel his hand squeeze yours shortly after. You writhe in place, loosening his hold and giving you enough wiggle room to get out of his grip. With your hand still in his, you turn to look at the interloper, to see what he says next, “Kalim’s hosting a banquet this evening and he’s asked me to personally invite Y/N.”

“Well she’s not coming,” Grim snapped at him.

“She’s busy,” Deuce said.

“And she has nothing to say to you,” Ace interjected, “so you can go ahead and bog off.”

Viper sighs, “I see. If that’s all.”

He turns around to leave but you stop him, “w-wait.”

At this not only he turns to look at you with bewilderment but Ace, Deuce and Grim as well. You continue, “can I please speak with you outside, there’s something I have to say.”

“Wha-Y/N are you sure?” Deuce said, looking at you with worry.

“Yeah, you don’t have to do this,” Ace agreed.

“He doesn’t deserve it,” Grim said imploringly.

You smiled at him and pet the fur on his head before giving Ace and Deuce reassuring glances, “I’ll be fine. We’ll be just in the corridor outside so you’ll be nearby.”

“Alright then if you say so. But if he tries anything…” Deuce gives the Scarabian a glare, letting his threat linger.

With that you get up and wordlessly walk out of the dining hall and into the empty hallway adjacent to it, knowing that the other was following you without having to turn around and look. You stop at a corner and after taking a deep sigh to brace yourself you turn around and tell him with varying steadiness, “I just want to say that as much as I appreciate Kalim’s generosity and hospitality, I’m afraid that I have to decline.”

“Quite the journey just for one sentence,” he raises an eyebrow, the only expression his inscrutable face allows, “you couldn’t have said this back there?”

“It’s best if I told you this one-on-one just to get it out of the way. Make it clear that I’m the one who told you that I can’t attend and my friends have nothing to do with it. Now if you’ll excuse me-”

“But that’s not all you want to say, is it?” his question pierces you like a blade to your chest, releasing all of the air that was in your lungs.

“Whatever it is you want to say to me,” he intones, his voice as calm and collected and fake as it always is, “I can take it.”

Jamil Viper was many things but an idiot is not one of them. After Kalim’s first five consecutive rejections, he was well-aware that the so-called emergencies, errands and other assorted tasks were just excuses you made to prevent you from outright telling the Dorm Leader that you just didn’t want to attend. He can’t say he blamed you. He understood that you had a less than stellar time during your last visit to the dorm - after all, he was responsible for it. He tried explaining to Kalim that perhaps it would be best to leave you alone but his bleeding heart refused to understand that you were just being polite. He did consider you a friend after all, and truly wanted to pay you back for everything that you did to help him and his dorm during the holidays and to hear your refusals disheartened him, sending him whining about how he wished he could make you happy to thank you for all that you’ve done and make up for what happened. Jamil’s statements that maybe you just wanted to be left alone fell on deaf ears as the young heir decided to send another invite through him. Jamil bit back the remark that he would be the last person you wanted to see and begrudgingly left to do his duty.

“What if what I want to say to you is that the very sight of you makes me sick?”

You’ve got to hand it to yourself, despite having over a decade to fine tune his poker face and hide his inner thoughts, his eyes visibly widened, shock flashing over his features before immediately regaining their usual unreadable appearance.

You would’ve relished at his slip up, that for less than a second you were able to gain an upper hand over the man who toyed with your vulnerability and orchestrated your suffering, if you didn’t have a voice in your head warning you that it could all just be another ploy, another way for him to trap you in his coils and squeeze until you choke.

That’s what snakes do after all. They patiently lie in wait, completely unassuming and unthreatening, before they strike so fast and so viciously that its prey is completely helpless to the onslaught of venom that’s injected into its neck.

He continues to stare at you, speechless so you continue, clenching your hands in a desperate attempt to stop them from shaking and willing your voice to stop wobbling despite every nerve in your body yelling at you to hightail out of there, to get away from the threat, the danger, that you’re not safe, just run, just flee to the refuge of Ramshackle before you inevitably get hurt again.

“I can’t look at you without wanting to throw up. Every time I see your face all I can remember is what you did to me, how you used me, how my feelings were nothing but toys for you to play with to make you feel better. You hurt me. In one of the most unforgivable ways possible and I don’t think that I can go back to the person I was before the holidays.”

“You know what?” you laugh bitterly, shaking your head at yourself, “honestly, I can’t say that you’re completely to blame. It was my mistake for actually being stupid enough to fall for your act. If my time in this world taught me anything it’s that I should never let my guard down. I should’ve known that you never wanted to be my friend, that you, just like everyone else here, only care about yourself, without giving a damn about who you have to hurt to get it. It’s my fault for not learning from my experiences, for deluding myself into thinking that someone can actually like me in this damned place. God, I’m an idiot. At least now I know better than to believe your deception.”

“Y/N-”

“Was it fun, at least? Did you enjoy it? Taking a helpless, magicless girl and using her to satisfy your own twisted schemes? Taking my powerlessness and using that as a stepping stool to make you feel better? Manipulating me like your little lamb for slaughter? At least, I can say that the whole experience taught me something and it’s that no one here cares about me, that apart from Ace, Deuce and Grim, I have no one. So I think it would be best to tell your Dorm Leader that unfortunately, I will not be attending. Or not. You could just hypnotise him. Either way is the same to him.”

You turned around and was about to go back to the comfort of your friends, before tossing a few parting words over your shoulder:

“Congratulations, Vice Dorm Leader Viper, you’ve achieved what you wanted. You said that you did all of that so you can finally have your actions acknowledged - well, here you have it. Now I can’t go a minute without acknowledging what you’ve done.”

And with that you walked away, meeting up with Ace, Deuce and Grim as they wrapped their arms around your shaking body and walked you back to the sanctuary of Ramshackle.

#angst #twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #ace trappola x reader #deuce spade x reader #twst grim #jamil viper x reader #ace x reader x deuce #fem reader

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alittlebitofsainz · 21 days

Text

a place in this world (carlos’ version)

Chapter 2: Enchanted

an invite to dinner with team 55, a weekend where your driver doesn’t even start the race, a late night hotel room visit to lift both your spirits. life is a rollercoaster, as they say.

pairing: carlos sainz x f!reader, slow burn colleagues to friends to lovers, angst/comfort if you squint

warnings: the usual swearing

a/n: yes I know the sainz family would probably never rent a holiday villa on villaplus dot com, I just needed a quick link to fit the texts in the story

masterlist | chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4

13th August, 2020

three days to the Spanish GP

two weeks. that’s how long it had been since carlos sainz had last texted your number. well, one week and six days. not that you were counting, or anything.

you’d seen him in between, of course, for the 70th anniversary grand prix at silverstone, and this weekend for the spanish gp, which had gone markedly better than the two in the uk. he’d scoffed when he’d seen his name in your phone: cs55? is that all I am to you, a pair of initials and a number? it had been playful, of course, but you wondered whether there was a part of him that had been genuinely hurt - you could swear you’d heard it in his voice. but then it was your turn: y/n engineer? what, in case you mix me up with other other y/ns you know? and that was how you’d ended up changing each others contact names (and, of course, carlos had insisted on taking a photo of you to add to your contact details, and you felt obliged to reciprocate, so now you were greeted with his goofy, lop sided smile every time you opened your messages app. a fact you weren’t exactly mad about).

you weren’t exactly mad about the message which confronted you right now, either - surprised, confused and once again intrigued were more appropriate words that sprung to mind. your mind was going into overdrive. dinner? with carlos? like, out in public? surely the rumour mill would go absolutely mental: carlos sainz spotted with mysterious brunette at restaurant in barcelona. but if he seemed to think it was a good idea…

one week and six days, that’s how long it had been since carlos sainz had felt that feeling of relief, of letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, when she texted him back.

as he’d reread his text over and over after sending it, he realised that it very much sounded like he was asking her on a date, god forbid. In reality, he was going out with a group of mates from his team at mclaren, and seeing as she’d mentioned that she’d never been to barcelona before, he’d only wondered if she’d wanted to join them so she could see some of the city. he was starting to wonder whether perhaps he should’ve lead with that fact.

but it hadn’t seemed to have phased her, thank god, although carlos would’ve given a pretty penny to know what was going through her head right now. in fact, he seemed to wish to know what was going on inside her head most days recently, her paradox being that she seemed so straightforward yet complex at the same time. how could a girl who was such an open book still be such a mystery to him?

a group meal. of course. of course! that made so much more sense, a thousand times more sense in fact. why had your mind immediately leapt to some weird, intimate, romantic dinner date with carlos when the obvious explanation was staring you right in the face? do you want to come for dinner with me and the team, seeing as you are in fact part of the team was so much more normal than hey, I’ve known you for five months and I’m a world famous, very wealthy formula one driver, would you, a regular degular race engineer from the south east of england, like to go on a date with me? yeah, no, you’d been a grade a idiot for that one. was there a small part of you that was disappointed? you decided that now was not the time to overanalyse your own feelings; now was the time to find an outfit.

carlos couldn’t hide the grin on his face, all the way to the restaurant. it only started to falter when they arrived bang on 8 o’clock, and then waited, 8:04, and waited, 8:07 and waited, 8:11. it reappeared again when she rounded the corner, slightly flustered and breathless.

“god, I’m so sorry, I got lost.” she apologised with a deep inhale, trying to get her breath back. carlos shook his head and chuckled, the sound low in his throat.

“don’t worry about it. we haven’t been waiting long.” he reassured her. it almost surprised him; usually he would take any opportunity to tease her, especially for being late like she so always was. But there was something about the way her cheeks were flushed that shade of red that gave away that she’d been rushing, and the way her eyes flicked nervously, apologetically, from person to person, that made him feel almost guilty. and when she offered him the warmest, sweetest, most grateful smile he thought he’d ever seen, carlos’ face lit up like a christmas tree.

he pulled her seat out for her when they reached their table, making sure to choose one next to him. an expression crossed her face as she whispered a ‘thank you’ that carlos had never seen before from her - was she nervous? shy? he couldnt put a finger on it. perhaps it was the fact that she didn’t know the rest of the people at the table that well - yes, that must be it. so why, when he knew everyone at this table, and very well he might add, was he feeling the exact same way?

“woah, this place is gorgeous.”

a marbled kitchen adorned your phone screen, and you swiped to the next photo to see a similarly tiled, much smaller room. wow, even the bathroom was fancy.

“and you go here every year?” you continued, swiping again and again to reveal several photos of the master bedroom, all from different angles. you and carlos had been discussing family holidays whilst you all waited for your plates to be cleared, and he’d decided to show you, rather than tell you, about the holiday villa that he and his family often frequented on the costa blanca.

“not every year. as often as we can get out there, though.”

his breath tickled your neck as he leaned over your shoulder to watch as you continued to flick through the photos, the glistening aquamarine pool so large it took up the whole screen, the pale blue glow reflecting on your face. you both leaned back for a moment to allow the waitress to clear the empty dinner plates, before returning your attention to your phone. there was a loud laugh from down the other end of the table, clearly a hilarious conversation was happening between the rest of the group - you both seemed oblivious to it.

“well, it’s no costa blanca, but we love it there.”

carlos’ eyes crinkled at the edges as he grinned, now swiping through pictures on his phone. he let out a chuckle at her comment, as he swiped to reveal the kitchen, a tiny little alcove with slightly dated wooden cupboards and curtains on the windows that were covered in pictures of farm animals.

“where did you say it was again?” carlos asked, fingers swiping again, this time showing a picture of the dining area. his eyes were focused on the french doors at the back of the room, leading out to a patio and a small garden, but beyond that was absolute nothingness - just trees and open sky as far as the eye could see.

“north yorkshire. it’s like, five hours north of london.” she explained, knowing that london was really the only point of reference carlos had when it came to england. she reached out a finger, swiping on his phone to reveal the next picture.

“and that-“ she pointed to a railway line, a large, old fashioned steam train in the process of chugging up the hill, frozen in time by the image. “- is why we go there.”

“and that’s right outside the cottage?”

“and that’s right outside the cottage.” she repeated back to him, an almost proud smile on her face. it was the little things that made her smile.

“that’s really cool.” carlos replied, almost surprising himself by how genuinely he meant that. since when had he been impressed by a tiny two bed cottage in the countryside, with nothing around but trees, hills and a steam train? but when her eyes lit up, her face cracking into a grin, he understood what had changed.

“really?” she asked, the same hint of surprise lacing her voice.

“really.” he replied, glancing up to meet her eyes. “I never got to explore much of the english countryside, and now I’m moving to italy I guess I probably won’t be able to.”

“I always saw you as more of a city guy.” she picked up her wine glass by the stem as she spoke, giving it a small swirl before tipping the wine glass back and taking a final sip, finishing the drink. carlos mirrored her, considering his reply.

“I don’t think I could live in the country.” he explained, “but it’s a nice escape from everything.”

“yeah,” she set her wine glass back down, a small, imperceptible sigh escaping her lips, “I know exactly what you mean.”

30th August 2020, Circuit de Spa-Francorchamps

Belgian Grand Prix, DNS

you stared into the mirror on the wall of the bathroom you were getting changed in, and found your scowling face staring back at you. in the past four races, your driver had had rotten luck in three of them, and you could tell how frustrating it was getting for him, and you.

which was why you were surprised when you took out your phone from your pocket and read his message. you were sure he’d leave as soon as he could, which was half the reason you’d disappeared off to the bathrooms to get changed out of your overalls and into a pair of jeans, grand ideas of heading back to the hotel and catching the latest episode of love island going round in your head.

but carlos was staying? you loathed him for it - you now felt you ought to stay too, pulling your top on over your head and combing through your hair in the mirror before grabbing your things and heading out into the corridor. but as you stalked back towards the garage, a thundercloud still hanging fairly low over your head, you realised that you also admired him for it. not everyone would stick around after failing to even start the race. heck, the majority of drivers probably couldn’t be out the door fast enough. but there was something about carlos sainz.

she was there before he’d even had time to pull out his phone, all fake smiles and an ingenuine spring in her step. faint, fading creases around her eyebrows were the only indicators that she’d ever been frowning, ever let herself be unhappy about the situation, now being replaced with new lines from forcing her lips to curve upwards just like that. how come carlos had only known her, what, five months now, and yet he felt like he knew her so well?

“hey.” he greeted simply as she made her way over to the monitors where carlos was stood, a pair of orange headphones around her neck, the same as he had round his. as she came to stand next to him, he threw an arm round her shoulders, squeezing her into a side hug. was he imagining things, or did she lean oh-so-delicately into his touch? the next moment she was pulling away, looking him square in the eye.

“you okay?” she asked softly.

“not really, you?”

“no, not at all.”

and then they were both smiling, almost laughing, all curved lips and sparkling eyes, nothing fake or ingenuine about their expressions. how did she always manage to do that? turn such a shitty situation on its head, leave carlos smiling when all he wanted to do was crawl into a dark hole and avoid everyone for a very long time? as he looked at her, really looked at her, he was beginning to understand that maybe, just maybe, he had the same effect on her.

you’d used that phrase a few weeks ago, after the second race at silverstone, the second thirteenth place in a row, and now carlos couldn’t stop using it. you’d noticed him picking up a lot of your phrases and mannerisms recently, his friends teasing him whenever he pulled out a ‘swings and roundabouts’, or god forbid a slap on the thigh and a call of ‘right!’ to announce that it was time to leave. they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

it was several hours after the race had concluded; you were now bundled up in a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt, splayed out on your bed mindlessly scrolling through instagram when his message came through. you were becoming increasingly less surprised every time carlos texted you, a level of understanding developing between you that you enjoyed each other’s company, and you wagered that you could both do with some cheering up round about now.

it had been a bit of a long shot, carlos realised. the two of them had never hung out one on one outside of the events of the race weekend, but right now there was no one else he’d rather speak to, rather while away the hours of the evening watching all the trash tv they’d spoken about over dinner a few weeks ago. no matter how frequently he messaged her nowadays, he still always got butterflies when she texted back.

it wasn’t even five minutes before she was knocking at his door, the orange of her mclaren sweatshirt picking up the flecks of amber in her eyes, still somehow shining through even in the low light. since when had he started to take notice of things like that?

her presence lit up the room immediately, both metaphorically and physically.

“anyone would think you’re a vampire, considering how many times I’ve found you sitting alone in the dark.” she chastised as she flicked on the lamp in the corner, adding a soft warm glow to carlos’ hotel room. he chuckled.

“can you blame me?”

his tone was light, a soft smile across his lips, but there was a hint of sadness to his voice which gave him away. her own smile faltered, as she went over to join him sitting on the bed. she sat shoulder to shoulder with him, as she had done on the pitwall earlier, watching the remainder of the race in companiable silence; the warmth seemed to radiate through carlos’ body from the spot where her upper arm met his, as it had done then as well.

“no, I suppose not.”

she sighed, brushing a stray strand of hair off of her forehead. carlos turned to look at her; she appeared to be thinking before she finally spoke.

“you know, I admire what you did today.”

“what, not start the race?”

that earned him a playful bump to the shoulder and a small, musical laugh.

“no! no, I mean staying around to watch the race. not many drivers would do that in your position.” the corners of her mouth still twitched with the remnants of the way he’d made her laugh, but he could sense some sort of sincerity behind her words. he shrugged his shoulders, as if trying to shrug off the swelling sense of pride he was feeling as it sunk in: she admired him.

“I’m sure many drivers would have done the same thing. I’m not special.” he replied, feeling suddenly very humble under her gaze. she shook her head, the movement almost immediate.

“you are special.” her voice caught in her throat slightly at the first word, causing the other two to come out quietly, her voice almost a whisper. if the room hadn’t been completely silent, carlos might have been able to convince himself that he hadn’t heard them, that he’d imagined it.

they spent the rest of the evening as he’d imagined it - talking about anything and everything whilst netflix took them through episode after episode of selling sunset in the background. it was nearly midnight by the time she returned to her own room, latching her arms round his neck as she said goodnight to him with an embrace. her hair tickled his nose; he swore he could still feel it now, even when he was lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, several hotel rooms separating them. her words were still going round in his head. he reckoned they probably would stay there for quite some time.

you are special. you are special. you are special.

taglist: @itsjustkhaos

message/comment if you want to be added!

#f1 x reader #f1 x you #f1 x y/n #f1 x female reader #carlos sainz #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz x you #carlos sainz x y/n #f1 fic #f1 imagine

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melrosing · 29 days

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Sorry if you’ve talked about this before but I can’t find it if you have. What are your thoughts on Jaime’s role in the Tysha situation?

I don't think I have actually talked about this at any particular length before?? which is weird bc i have thought about it a lot but to quickly summarise before launching into it:

I think Jaime's part in this is a human failing. it wasn't a malicious or spiteful act, but an ignorant one

that said, I think it's basically unforgivable regardless. Tysha and Tyrion are the only people who could forgive him for this and even if Tyrion does, I really doubt we'll ever learn Tysha's feelings on the matter

imo the way in which Jaime ultimately decides to come clean is near enough the cruelest thing he does, even if he didn't mean it to be

so first off, I don't think Jaime has ever truly believed that Tyrion couldn't be loved (in the romantic sense, anyway). Jaime himself is someone who loves despite appearances, and it seems he knows pretty soon after telling Tyrion the lie about Tysha that it wasn't really a kindness, but in fact the worst thing he's ever done (so far!!)

I also think if it hadn't been for what Tywin subsequently put Tyrion and Tysha through with the guards, Jaime would've come clean shortly after telling the lie. but after that, no doubt it felt almost impossible to do so, because the damage was now outsized and there was little chance Tyrion and Tysha would be able to return to what they had.

but he does tell the lie to begin with, and I think that is because Jaime lives in an ableist society and is touched by the stink. he loves Tyrion and Tyrion's disability has never impeded that love, but it has meant that Jaime has failed him many times, sometimes without even knowing he has. for one thing, I think he has failed to realise just how much Tyrion has suffered through childhood. he comes to some revelation following his maiming at the hand of the mummers:

Sometimes he even wept, until he heard the Mummers laughing. Then he made his eyes go dry and his heart go dead, and prayed for his fever to burn away his tears. Now I know how Tyrion has felt, all those times they laughed at him. (JAIME IV, ASOS)

however, it suggests that whilst Jaime has never been laughing with 'them', the full extent of his understanding has necessarily been limited. besides that, I think Jaime has always been in a unique position where he could have definitively stood up to Tywin and Cersei in terms of how they treat Tyrion - he alone had the ability to withhold something until they did so, whether that be love or obedience. but obviously he lets his fear of his father/codependency with Cersei get in the way of that, so.

he's also carelessly partaken in ableism without thinking, indeed in front of Tyrion - whether that's in calling him 'the Imp' (something Tyrion can reclaim but Jaime certainly can't), or this fucking gem:

"Even if the boy does live, he will be a cripple. Worse than a cripple. A grotesque. Give me a good clean death." Tyrion replied with a shrug that accentuated the twist of his shoulders. "Speaking for the grotesques," he said, "I beg to differ. Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities." (TYRION I, AGOT)

again, doesn't really matter if Jaime has been able to push past some of the ableism others have adopted, the stink is still on him.

so, when Tywin dictated the lie he wanted Jaime to tell, I can imagine he was in two minds. on the one hand, Jaime loves Tyrion, wants Tyrion to be happy, and would be pleased if Tyrion found happiness with someone who truly loves him back. once again, Jaime himself loves despite appearances, and so I don't think he would ever have found it inconceivable that Tysha honestly loved Tyrion.

but again, he lives in an ableist society, and so when Tywin tells Jaime that Tysha's love was cynical, that might have seemed possible, too. Jaime has grown up in a world that has called Tyrion a monster since birth. it doesn't matter if Jaime doesn't think Tyrion is a monster; he knows that much of the world does, and accepts (if only for a time) that Tywin's assessment of Tysha could be true.

then there's the fact that once Tywin has made a decision, perhaps Jaime thought Tyrion and Tysha's relationship was a lost cause; besides that, if Tysha were taking advantage, Jaime doesn't want Tyrion to be hurt by it. hence, "a kindness". it's all deeply flawed logic, but again, this isn't about malice or spite on Jaime's part: it's ignorance mixed up ableism, and human failing.

then ofc, Tywin does what he does to Tyrion and Tysha and that's it. Jaime figures there's no way he could tell Tyrion the truth now without causing him even greater pain, and keeps quiet for the foreseeable future, retaining that as one of his very deepest regrets. because Jaime knows near enough immediately that he was lying to himself as well: he knows full well that Tyrion can love and be loved, and yet he propagated Tywin's lie..... for what.

could get into the absolute fucking tragedy of Jaime and Tyrion, practically the only two out of the Tywin/Cersei/Jaime/Tyrion quartet with a genuinely uncomplicated, loving relationship, having their love turned to poison by the worst dad of all time. but another time

then to move into ASOS: look like I don't know if it was ever the right thing to tell Tyrion the truth once the thing was done. I can see both sides: one, Tyrion deserves to know that he can be loved, and has been loved. two, how the fuck is Tyrion supposed to feel knowing the truth, and that his whole life he's been living a lie.

but I think the biggest problem is that Jaime doesn't really reckon with that so much as his own desire to be honest and do right and come clean etc. he certainly knows how much he risks hurting Tyrion or else he wouldn't have kept quiet all this time, but it seems at least part of it is about honesty for the sake of cleansing himself rather than doing right by Tyrion.

he also. forgets to apologise??

"For your gold, Father said. She was lowborn, you were a Lannister of Casterly Rock. All she wanted was the gold, which made her no different from a whore, so . . . so it would not be a lie, not truly, and . . . he said that you required a sharp lesson. That you would learn from it, and thank me later . . ." "Thank you?" Tyrion's voice was choked. "He gave her to his guards. A barracks full of guards. He made me . . . watch." Aye, and more than watch. I took her too . . . my wife . . . "I never knew he would do that. You must believe me." (TYRION XI, ASOS)

like I think Jaime is honestly sorry. he's afraid to tell Tyrion because he's sorry, he accepts Tyrion's punch because he's sorry, etc. but he never manages to actually say it, he's too busy trying to make himself understood. he wants Tyrion to understand why he did what he did, and it's like. why would Tyrion give a fuck why right now, he'd trying to reckon with the impact it's had on him, and the fact that he and Tysha lost their happiness together and suffered so horribly for nothing.

so whilst I think it's human to botch an apology like this, to be so busy trying to explain yourself you forget to apologise at all, and that you're meant to be centring the victim of your wrong. but it is still fucking wrong lol. Jaime gets it so, so wrong.

all of that to say, I don't think Jaime has ever wanted to hurt Tyrion, but he has - he has hurt him badly. doesn't negate his love for Tyrion - it says in his own POV that Cersei and Tyrion are the two people he cares most about in the world. but he fucks it. partly because of the ableist society he lives in, partly because of the toxic family dynamic he's part of, and partly because he's human, and that's the tragedy.

#ask #jaime lannister #tyrion lannister #asoiaf

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kerryweaverlesbian · 9 months

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I wrote another soppy angsty romantic destiel fic 😇 read it here on ao3 or below:

Cas wakes, as he often does when he sleeps, on his side with Dean wrapped around him. It's the early hours of morning, although the room is lit just as it was last night; the lamp on Cas’s side of Dean's bed stays on overnight. Neither of them enjoy being plunged into darkness.

Dean's arm hangs heavily over his bare chest, his nose is pushed up into Cas’s hair, and Dean's knees have caught one of Cas’s thighs between them. It's warm, not just from their body heat and the comforter, but from the inside. He's never felt more at home than in Dean's arms.

On Cas shifting forward a little, Dean shuffles forward and nuzzles his nose into the back of his neck. Cas stills, then grips Dean's wrist, overcome. A certain self-knowledge has been uncovered in his head, like a delightful worm found under a lifted rock. He didn't mean to wake him, but Dean grumbles into his skin, "Cas."

"Go back to sleep," Cas tells him, but when Dean's arm shifts it crosses over the left side of his chest.

"Your heart's beating like crazy. What's up?" Dean's voice is still slurred with sleep, pressed up as close to unconsciousness as he is to Castiel.

"I just realised something," Cas says, bumping his thumb across the back of Dean's knuckles slowly which makes Dean half-hum contentedly. "I love you."

The fact blankets them further, soft but undeniable. Dean inhales and exhales deeply twice, and then says, breathy, "Oh."

"It's a surprise?"

"No," Dean says, pressing his forehead to the base of Cas’s skull. Then:

"Can you stop?"

"No." The first comes out annoyed - how can Dean doubt him, even now? - but when Dean's arm tightens around him, Cas gentles, "No, Dean. I can't. I've tried."

He has. Early on, sent to Heaven for disapline over and over for perceived slights against the Host he could barely understand. When Dean was the only thing standing between Cas and angelic redemption. When Dean has been callous, and bitter, and cruel. He's tried. Dean is too lovable for it to ever stick.

"I'm afraid I will love you for the whole of my life."

"Don't," Dean pleads, and it's not clear whether he means don't love me or don't tell me. Either way, Cas is going to let him down.

"I love you," Cas repeats, firmly, "I have loved you. I will love you. That's all."

"That's all," Dean echos, with a little huffed laugh. His voice is shaking, "Just, 'I love you, that's all'. What the hell, man?"

"It's a new thought, I don't have a speech prepared."

"You didn't know before? Seriously? When you - when we ripped up the rule book? You didn't know?"

"I had my suspicions," Cas admits, and he goes willingly when Dean pulls at his shoulder so that Cas is on his back, looking up at Dean in the golden light of the bedside lamp. Oh. "You're beautiful."

"Cas," Dean grumbles, looking away briefly but then back to Cas's face, a conflicted expression set into his features. "Cas..."

That seems to be it for several long seconds, during which they examined each other openly. It's Dean who breaks eyecontact again first, casting his gaze out into the room. He rubs a hand over his own jaw roughly, and Cas sees his fingers pinch despite him trying to conceal it under the bolt of his jaw. Checking if it's a dream. Cas doesn't blame him.

Dean takes a deep breath, then says, with difficulty and closed eyes, "I don't want you to."

Cas tilts his head, and puts his fingers to the place Dean had pinched. Dean lets out a little cut off sound, a dimmed whine.

"Is that true?"

"Yes," Dean says, his voice tight - but he clutches the front of Cas’s shirt just as tightly. When Cas gently slides his palm up to Dean's cheek, Dean presses into it hard, his eyes still squeezed shut. Cas gives him the time he needs, moving his pinkie finger in soothing strokes next to Dean's crow's feet. Love, yes, it is love. Patient, kind and stubborn. That's the feeling that rises in Cas every time he gets the chance to look at Dean. He wouldn't trade it for anything.

"I'm not-" Dean says eventually, taking a sharp breath in partway through, "You shouldn't feel that way."

"I've had quite a lot of people tell me what I should be feeling. It hasn't stopped me thus far. No one has changed me as you have."

"Don't say that. Don't blame me. I didn't do anything."

Cas shakes his head, though Dean can't see it. It's a little humanoid habit he's picked up. One of those little things Heaven can't stand about him. One of hundreds.

"Dean, I'm not blaming you. I'm thanking you." The loneliness of Dean's closed eyes is becoming too much to bare. "Will you look at me?"

He does, and the action frees tears from his eyelashes. One runs down to Cas’s palm, and Cas wishes he could kiss the drop, to keep it safe forever. The green of Dean's eyes stands out strong against his wet lashes, and he blinks back more rising tears. All this from three simple words.

Dean has a few words of his own to say. He presses the heel of his hand down on Cas’s forehead, like he's smiting him, and says, brokenly, "I've ruined you."

"Dean," Cas says, struck with a burst of love in his chest, "you saved me."

"No," Dean insists, pressing harder. "I've made you vulnerable. Now you're gonna - you're gonna die and it's my fault."

"What are you talking about?"

"Everyone. All the time. Everyone I-" Dean shuts his eyes again, and Cas misses him instantly, "Everyone I love. If I start to think it's possible then it's too late."

Cas thinks about it seriously. "Maybe I will die." Dean makes another noise of suffering, so Cas tries to mitigate his words with another sweep of his little finger on Dean's face. "Dean. I might die. I can't promise you otherwise, with the lives we lead."

"Stop," Dean moans, "Stop it. Why are you doing this to me? What did I do?"

"You cared about me. You believed I could be better than I was, more than a tool for Heaven's will. You were right."

"What good has it done you?"

Cas narrows his eyes. "Don't insult me. Look at me." Dean complies, and swallows, his throat bobbing with it. "I'd rather die than never live. I'd rather love than be silent. And if I die, I will return to you. Always."

The tears are running thick and fast now, Dean's face is red and his chest heaving.

"Cas." He says again, beseeching, then he leans down. He kisses the back of his own hand, still pressed on Cas’s forehead, and it's Cas’s turn to close his eyes, just for a moment. "You don't know what you're doing to me."

Cas thinks he might. They have both been in this partnership for a long time. They know each other well.

"I have my suspicions."

When Dean's eye catches his, Cas smiles, just a little, and it grows when Dean kisses him on the mouth, once, quick.

"I liked that," Cas tells him, and Dean groans, then kisses him again, and again, another groan coming through from the back of his mouth when Cas kisses back.

They stay that way, kissing tenderly for a small eternity, until Dean's alarm goes off at 5am. Cas makes a noise of complaint when Dean turns away and untangles their linked hands to switch it off, which makes Dean laugh. The tension and fear had slowly receded as they made out, replaced with a quiet, sparkling joy.

"Thanks," Dean says, holding himself off a little from Cas rather than coming back for more.

"You're welcome," Cas says, with a confused frown, which gets Dean smiling, toothy, "What for?"

Dean shrugs with one shoulder. "I dunno. Everything. All of it. I can't believe you just said it as soon as you knew, man. You're supposed to hold that stuff in until you're about ready to explode whenever the other guy looks at you."

"Is that what you were doing?"

Another shrug, and a sly smile. "Hey, it worked didn't it?"

"Hm. Well then, thank you too."

Dean huffs, and settles his head down on Cas’s chest. Cas pets through Dean's hair, marvelling at how soft it feels, and gets a sleepy, pleased hum in response.

"You're welcome, Cas," Dean mumbles his eyes fluttering shut, and that same warmth that pushed Castiel's realisation of love suffuses him again.

Truly, he considers while Dean's breathing evens out to sleep again, here, he has always been welcome.

#destiel #deancas #destiel fic #sharing a bed #cawis creates #<i should go back and tag all my stuff I think haha

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extracurious · 5 months

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Why heart's desire for you is the strongest than anything else?

Her transition from "I'll keep you posted" to calling Miles as her "friend " with so much strength in her voice when Miguel accused her for letting him escape away was amazing.

Why she chose Miles or why was she drawn to him from beginning and always telling everyone that he had potential and later calling him as spiderman when she knew he was an anomaly?Why was she so much bothered about him even though knowing he might act as a threat to her if she got too much attached to him?

Since the beginning only Gwen wanted to be with her favorite person ,Miles. This boy not even trying to do anything very grand still manages to make her feel emotionally safe and comfortable within his love for her. He patiently waits for her to realise the connection building between them and return back to him where she left him behind. He wishes to hold on to her by keep on drawing her in that sketchbook. He fears that even if he finds a way to see her ,that moment whether she will have enough time to reciprocate his feelings for her or not. While she is just scared of falling in love thereby losing the precious friendship with Miles also .

Even though trying hard to forget about this Brooklyn native, she still gets lost in his thoughts throughout their time apart. He is so close to her heart .She acts cool around him but truly is much more obsessed with him than he his with her. She wants to let Miles come into her life but is afraid of can't having him thus eventually hurting both of them.

If she clearly didn't want any deep connection to develop between her and Miles she didn't have to think about her cannon events of dying or a relationship ending badly just like other universes.

Miles make her know that both need to feel equally involved and loved to help their relationship to nurture and become strong in future. They became emotionally attuned to each other which brought them close and helped her to open up to that one person whom she found to be completely trustworthy and who wants to provide space and respect her opinions .

Her leaning on him, that romantic glance and smiling at him are genuine ways of her expressing "thanks" for understanding her feelings even though not asking many questions about her monotonous life.

Gwen got hurt by losing the connection with the last person ,Miles,who brought value and hope to her life during her darken times.

And Miles got hurt by trusting one of the persons whom he loved the most. He was just disappointed with Gwen's decisions because he was unable to realise whether there was actually any relationship developing between him and her or it was mainly one sided.

And during their time apart that sense of longing amplified to such an extent that they have failed to put each other thoughts out of their mind as if they are missing their other half.

This got connected with the Gwen's monologue "He is not the only one",which meant both are hopelessly into each other and did not know how to find their way back to where their beautiful bonding started.Thus Gwen risking her career to visit him and Miles following her through the portal even though knowing he might die due to glitching. He couldn't leave her in those awful conditions where her life would become miserable.

The choice she made was to fall for Miles and not for any boy of her age even in her dimension also. Her love for him was not for his spiderman identity,but she considered him as smart(physics class reference),loyal,courageous , ofcourse naturally charming and above all he fights for the people he loves the most. She couldn't help herself from slightly blushing when she saw Miles really wanted her to be happy atleast with someone who genuinely cared and loved her and that she shouldn't mind with the age gap. But Miles didn't know that "someone " was him only. Quite beautiful that whenever Miles talked with her she got lost in his eyes or glanced at him romantically or simply acted awkwardly reflecting her feelings for him. She finally accepted this whole thing and let her hesitation and fear go at the end of ATSV. Now she truly wants to be with him no matter what obstacles come in her way. She will not let her love slip away instead with every power hold it to herself.

-extracurious

"Not to be reposted" 😊

#gwiles #ghostflower #miles morales #gwen stacy #into the spider verse #across the spiderverse #spiderman

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gffa · 2 years

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Sometimes I cannot believe how much I appreciate the Obikin fandom and how much it’s spoiled me for giving me ridiculously charming fic, incredibly funny and hilarious fic, fic that breaks my heart, fic that heals my heart, fic that makes me want to gnaw on my own arm because I’m in awe of how amazing the authors are, how much a fic can smack my id straight on, how I can roll around in the fluff or wallow in the angst, how the fic runs the gamut of Obi-Wan and Anakin’s lifetimes, whether set during the Clone Wars or during the time of the Rebellion, whether it’s something nice or whether it’s Anakin being all Vadery and awful, there’s always someone writing something that makes me want to barf up rainbows for how good it is. So here’s a bunch of STAR WARS fics I think everyone should read because the fandom is amazing and there’s very few things I enjoy more than the feeling of being sated on a bunch of good fic. Or lots of quality banging. Or crying about these two idiots having terrible lives. Or just crying about feelings in general because you guys are amazing at punching me right in them. WHAT KIND OF FIC YOU’LL FIND HERE:

CANON-COMPLIANT (-ISH, WHATEVER) AT LEAST UP UNTIL THE GALAXY GOES PEAR-SHAPED

FUCK THE NOISE OUT OF ANAKIN SKYWALKER'S HEAD

DARTH ASSHOLE CAT SHOULD BE GRABBED BY THE SCRUFF OF THE NECK AND SCOLDED BACK TO THE LIGHT

FUCK YOU, CANON, THINGS GO A LITTLE NICER IN THIS UNIVERSE

WORLD IS HARD AND COLD, OBIKIN FLUFF IS SOFT AND WARM

MODERN AUS CAN BE FUN AND CHARMING AS HELL AND A GREAT CHANCE TO MAP CANON DYNAMICS ONTO A WORLD WHERE THEY CAN HAVE A HAPPIER LIFE, IT'S A WIN ALL THE WAY AROUND

WHAT DID CANON EVER DO BUT BREAK OUR HEARTS ANYWAY? TIME TO TELL CANON TO FUCK OFF AND WRITE AN AU

OBIKIN RECS - CANON-COMPLIANT (-ISH, WHATEVER) AT LEAST UP UNTIL THE GALAXY GOES PEAR-SHAPED: ✦ Lonely Hearts Club by izazov, obi-wan/anakin, nsfw, 7.4k There are some things not even Chosen One can fix. Anakin learns this the hard way after a mission goes wrong. ✦ To be remembered by ToolMusicLover, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 16.3k Various moments in Obi-Wan’s life, from his time as Anakin’s Master to the first nine years he spent on Tatooine. ✦ Out of the Bag by RagnarLothcat, obi-wan/anakin, nsfw, 8.1k Obi-Wan has made his peace with his inappropriate feelings for his former Padawan. He knows there’s no room in their relationship for romance, and he’s used to denying himself for the greater good. He has everything under control: until Anakin comes back from a mission looking and acting a little different, and suddenly the relationship between Master and Padawan becomes a little fuzzy. ✦ every kind of love by loosingletters, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & qui-gon & cast, 2.7k wip Thousands of years pass and change is inevitable, even for the Jedi Order. Different groups break off, form new traditions, but in the end, they are all Jedi. And when the war comes, they fight for peace. ✦ of talks and romantic gestures by izazov, obi-wan/anakin, 3.8k Obi-Wan just wanted to arrive back to Coruscant on time. Anakin had other ideas. ✦ nor the suns fall by treescape, obi-wan/anakin, 1.4k “Hey,” Anakin says sharply—too sharply, he knows, and with a restless edge of fear. Obi-Wan’s eyes are blown so wide they’re hardly recognizable, barely a shadow of blue. They’re sliding closed again, the arc of his lashes too slow to be just a blink. Anakin takes a firm hold on his own voice, pitches it just keen enough to anchor beneath the blazing, barren sky. “Hey, stay with me, Obi-Wan.” ✦ wanting was enough by y0u_idjits, anakin/padme (& obi-wan/anakin), 1k A reporter asks another question but she doesn’t listen, too busy noticing how Anakin’s smile goes softer, sweeter, as Obi-Wan answers, and she becomes aware that he has never once smiled at her like that. No, this is a smile reserved only for Obi-Wan Kenobi. The realisation burns her to her core. ✦ illicit affairs by Urgirl415, obi-wan/anakin (& anakin/padme), NSFW, 2.2k Anakin needs something that Obi-Wan is more than willing to provide. Even if it means having his doorbell rung in the middle of the night. Or, Anakin cheats on Padme with Obi-Wan. Regularly. OBIKIN RECS - FUCK THE NOISE OUT OF ANAKIN SKYWALKER’S HEAD: ✦ Satellite Mind by intermundia, septemberist, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 19.3k Five times Obi-Wan heard Anakin’s thoughts, and one time Anakin heard Obi-Wan’s. ✦ He’s Bringing Sweet Salvation by Is0lde, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, some d/s, 5.1k Anakin has been naughty and learns a little about patience, consideration and what we deserve ✦ eat, sleep, wake (nothing but you) by decideophobia, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 6.7k Obi-Wan twists his fingers inside him, pressing, pressing, and Anakin jolts with pleasure the exact same moment when an entirely different kind of noise rips through the room. A stomach growling. His stomach growling. Aggressively. ✦ Pretty Please by Gwendolyn (storiesofchaos), obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, 8.7k And with Obi-Wan’s words, Obi-Wan’s mouth on sensitive skin, and the way his hand presses Anakin possessively against his body, it’s all too easy for Anakin to slip up again. All too easy for him to throw his head back as his eyes fall shut and moan out, “Daddy.” ✦ coming quietly undone by MisanthropyMuse, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 7.6k “So, now’s later?” asks Anakin softly, one corner of his lips curling in amusement at the incoherent sentence that can only make sense for the two of them. “Force, yes,” responds Obi-Wan in a heavy sigh of relief, before raising his head and crashing his lips onto Anakin’s. ✦ hands-on by treescape, 3.6k Anakin’s been driving Obi-Wan mad. Obi-Wan does something about it. ✦ One’s Craze by ToolMusicLover, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 17k As Obi-Wan learns the extent of Anakin’s greatest desires perhaps he’ll also learn his own. ✦ turn softness to rage, then tears to rain by starwarsyndrome (I_write_fanfiction_sometimes), obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 5k Anakin Skywalker is the force made flesh, and sometimes that tears him apart at the seams. Obi-Wan has always been able to hold him together. How he does it changes as the years do ✦ Be Mindful of Your Thoughts (And Words) by des_nuages_de_paris, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 7k On a routine ship voyage across the stars, Anakin starts to get a bit bratty. Obi-wan decides to entertain him - and put him in his place. ✦ Baby Teeth by stardies, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, a/b/o, 8.2k wip During a mission, Anakin runs out of suppressants. Obi-wan Kenobi is called in to tend to his former padawan. ✦ hang it off my shoulders by transkenobi, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 7.4k Obi-Wan looks at him a moment, a frown flickering over his features but his eyes are unbearably soft. “I could leave. Or…” he swallows, averting his gaze for just a moment before he meets Anakin’s eyes again with a quiet resolution that Anakin recognizes all too well. “Dance with me.” Every irritated thought and rebuke comes to a halt and Anakin opens his mouth, brows knitting, completely thrown off. Of everything he’d been expecting Obi-Wan to say, it wasn’t that. What? “What?” ✦ a lesson learned is a lesson earned by RexIsMyCopilot, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, 4k Anakin refuses to talk and Obi-Wan coaxes it out of him. OR Anakin learns a lesson and Obi-Wan learns one too. ✦ PARK THAT BIG MAC TRUCK RIGHT IN THIS LIL GARAGE by badut, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 4k Anakin Skywalker loves dick, but he loves big dicks even more. Specifically Obi-Wan’s. This has now become a problem, but it all works out, eventually. ✦ touch of heaven with a wild side by demi_fae, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 1.3k “That was one of the things we were able to figure out while you were…” Anakin gestured to Obi-Wan who nodded for him to continue. “You would have to ask Kix about the specifics, but it’s some sort of combination reproductive and defense feature, and at this point it’s basically orgasm or…” Obi-Wan choked back a laugh. “Or death?” He asked, expecting Anakin to laugh with him. The silence that met him told him more than anything Anakin could have possibly said. “Oh.” “Yeah.” ✦ Pretty Kitty by GayCheerios, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, 2.2k “Master, you always take such good care of me,” Anakin says, a little chirp coming after his sentence, as his thumb rests on Anakin’s plump bottom lip. ✦ to seek something is to believe in its possibility by RexIsMyCopilot, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, 2.6k Anakin teases Obi-Wan to get what he wants. Spoiler alert: it works. ✦ Punished Hole by WhyIsBubbleGumBlue, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, 1k Anakin gets smacks on his bottom hole, and then they fuck. ✦ Taking Care by RagnarLothcat, obi-wan/anakin & quinlan, NSFW, 8.5k wip A night out with Quinlan should be just the thing to help Obi-Wan relax after the outbreak of the war and all that entails. Anakin, as always, is there to make things difficult. OBIKIN RECS - DARTH ASSHOLE CAT SHOULD BE GRABBED BY THE SCRUFF OF THE NECK AND SCOLDED BACK TO THE LIGHT: ✦ flash point by treescape, obi-wan/vader, nsfw, 2.8k After capturing Obi-Wan on Mustafar, Vader does the only thing he can think of to keep his former Master close: he freezes Obi-Wan in carbonite. Every so often, he can’t resist the temptation of seeing Obi-Wan again and brings him out. ✦ this too shall pass by Himboskywalker, obi-wan/vader & cast, NSFW, time loop, read the warnings, 5k wip Anakin falls to the dark side and takes up the mantle of Darth Vader,butchers Jedi,betrays all he knows and loves, and he is left to burn on Mustafar by the man he once called master.Anakin becomes Darth Vader-and then he wakes up and lives it again-and then he wakes up and lives it again-and again-and again-and again. ✦ game plan by treescape, obi-wan/vader, NSFW, raised a sith!anakin, 11.2k Or, Vader keeps capturing Obi-Wan during the Wars. Obi-Wan keeps escaping. It’s kind of a thing. ✦ Coming back and going forward by Enthusiastic_Enthusiast, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, read the warnings, d/s, 5.5k Lord Vader has finally found a way to send his mind back in time. He is young and healthy again, and can’t wait to get his revenge on Obi-Wan, to make him pay for his betrayl, to push him down and make him pay. This time when the republic falls, Obi-Wan will witness it first hand, on his knees by Vaders side. The only problem? Vader isn’t the only one to return. ✦ Electric Love by thedeadparrot, obi-wan/vader, nsfw, 3.4k Vader stepped forward, deeper into the cell, and reached out one hand. It pressed against Obi-Wan’s tunic, clean metal meeting dirty fabric. Vader’s suit only had the most rudimentary of sensors – he preferred to use the Force over his physical hands. But this was Obi-Wan Kenobi offered up for him, and nothing less than physical touch would do. OBIKIN RECS - FUCK YOU, CANON, THINGS GO A LITTLE NICER IN THIS UNIVERSE: ✦ After everything, only us by ToolMusicLover, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 9.2k Eight years after the Clone War came to an end and Sidious was captured, Anakin and Obi-Wan spend an evening together. Distance and circumstance have separated them for too long, but on this night, Anakin ends up with more than he could have hoped for. ✦ After the Storm by Ripki, obi-wan/anakin & luke & leia, 7.3k If asked a year ago where he would be in the future, Obi-Wan would never have imagined himself in the middle of nowhere, mending socks and discussing latrine maintenance. ✦ The strongest stars… by Tomicaleto, obi-wan/anakin & beru & cast, 7.4k The war’s end seems to be close, with everyone looking forward to it. And when Anakin is doubting himself the most, an unexpected visit arrives at the Temple. ✦ Homestead by JSwander, whohatessand, obi-wan/anakin & luke & leia & cast, NSFW, 46.2k After their failed altercation on Mustafar, Obi-Wan Kenobi secretly stows away with his former Padawan now turned Sith Lord and traitor to the Republic. ✦ O Trespass Sweetly Urged by Artemis_Unbound, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 8.6k Anakin and Obi-Wan witness a sex ritual while on a mission. Obi-Wan doesn’t understand why Anakin is so scandalized by this, until Anakin admits that he’s never had sex. Obi-Wan…might need a minute to process that. ✦ climb like peas and beans by septemberist, obi-wan/anakin, trans!anakin, 4.9k wip Anakin Skywalker is different in a way that he can’t quite name, until he can. Obi-Wan Kenobi never fails to see his apprentice for who he is. And everything changes. ✦ sun of my right hand by loosingletters, obi-wan/anakin & luke, 4.3k wip What remains, keep it close. Holding the newborn he had carried from one end of the galaxy to the other, Obi-Wan Kenobi could not bring himself to give up the last member of his family. Instead of giving Luke to the Lars, Obi-Wan decided to raise Luke himself. OBIKIN RECS - WORLD IS HARD AND COLD, OBIKIN FLUFF IS SOFT AND WARM: ✦ Rotten Work by secretsolarsystem, obi-wan/anakin, 2.8k Obi-Wan: I’ll take care of you. Anakin, with bloodshot eyes and a broken back from hours of terrible posture: It’s rotten work. Obi-Wan, who needs to bathe this man for his own sanity and health: Not to me. Not if it’s you. ✦ darkness shared, darkness halved by ahandsomebabe, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, 8.2k Or: the one where Obi-Wan manipulates their force bond to give his partner multiple orgasms. ✦ Languages by Crowgirl, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 6.5k So Anakin pulls out a map and makes a list. ✦ deception: epilogue by RexIsMyCopilot, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 6.2k Anakin and Obi-Wan renew the physical part of their relationship after Rako Hardeen ✦ Levels of Sincerity {cahshee, ankai'a} by loosingletters, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka, 1k In which Ahsoka Tano has the most embarrassing Masters in at least two languages. ✦ who a person truly is cannot be seen with the eye by RexIsMyCopilot, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, spanking, 3.6k Anakin purposely avoids doing what Obi-Wan tells him to do. ✦ watch the time go by loosingletters, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka, a/b/o, 5.9k Obi-Wan has scheduled pack-bonding time. Obi-Wan also has a lot of work to do, not that Anakin and Ahsoka care. Or, pack bonding with the disaster lineage in the middle of a galactic war. ✦ small gestures and grand vows by loosingletters, obi-wan/anakin & cast, 6k Or, five times Obi-Wan and Anakin show how devoted they are to each other, and one time somebody demands proof and they are insulted. ✦ quiet the mind and the soul will speak by RexIsMyCopilot, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, 2.8k “You look tired,” Obi-Wan observed, his hand on his chin, after a particularly long strategy meeting. He matched Anakin’s pace as they walked through the halls. “Yeah, well,” Anakin yawned. “Someone woke me up early this morning,” he teased in a quiet voice. OBIKIN RECS - MODERN AUS CAN BE FUN AND CHARMING AS HELL AND A GREAT CHANCE TO MAP CANON DYNAMICS ONTO A WORLD WHERE THEY CAN HAVE A HAPPIER LIFE, IT’S A WIN ALL THE WAY AROUND: ✦ Prompted - Chapter 18: Brotherhood by intermundia, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, modern au, 7.1k Obi-Wan was already looking at the jail roster online when his phone rang. ✦ Prompted - Chapter 19: Hard Racing by intermundia, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, modern AU, F1 racing au, 6.5k He wished he was back in his car, where everything made sense. His brain sometimes felt like a computer during a race, processing so much information in fractions of a second. He felt like he blended with the machine around him until he was just the operating system of the car, not a person at all. ✦ à la carte by RagnarLothcat, obi-wan/anakin & padme & ahsoka & quinlan & mace & satine & cast, NSFW, modern au, 55.6k Anakin Skywalker is a perfectly normal grad student. He spends his days at the robotics lab, his evenings working at an upscale restaurant and his weekends on inadvisable hookups. That is, until Obi-Wan Kenobi saunters into his workplace and sweeps him off his feet. ✦ turn back now (i’m haunted) by tennessoui, obi-wan/anakin & cast, modern au, supernatural au, 41.7k wip Anakin Skywalker’s house is haunted. Luckily for him, Padmé knows a ghost hunter. Unluckily for him, it’s the hottest, most english-professor ghost hunter he’s ever seen. And extremely unluckily for him, he’s starting to get the feeling he understands maybe ten percent of what’s actually going on here, not to mention what’s at stake. ✦ short shallow gasps by mysticmjolnir, obi-wan/anakin, d/s, 4.9k Obi-Wan gets surprised by Anakin when he comes home from work. ✦ does he make you laugh? by y0u_idjits, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka, modern au, 3.6k “Tell me it’s not about screwing the guy who’s screwing your husband.” “Ex-husband, and they’re not screwing,” Obi-Wan snipes at her. “And it’s not about that.” There’s a long pause. “Okay, it’s not all about that.” An Ocean’s Eleven AU ✦ recipe for disaster by tennessoui, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka, modern au, 9.8k When Ahsoka tells Anakin she doesn’t want to learn piano anymore, Anakin is heartbroken. He doesn’t care about the instrument, obviously, but he’s practically in love with her teacher. Obi-Wan offers up a solution to their impending separation, and it’s not dating like any normal person would suggest. Instead, he’s gonna teach Anakin how to cook. Except Anakin’s a pretty well-known chef, and Obi-Wan is absolutely awful in the kitchen. ✦ cute guy, fast car, i’m all yours by wanderlove, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, modern au, 7.3k In which Anakin saves a rich lawyer from a low-level Hutt enforcer and gets himself railed as a reward. ✦ For Me, It’s You by edge_of_night, obi-wan/anakin & shmi & qui-gon & cast, modern au, 15.8k wip Obi-Wan knew one day he’d have to return home. As long as his father still lived, a piece of him would always be there. No matter how much he wanted to forget—he was raised there, he learned and grew, and spent his most formative years there. It’s also where he first fell in love. ✦ Morning delights by Tomicaleto, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 1.1k Obi-Wan woke up to the smell of Anakin cooking breakfast and decided to help. He swears those were his only intentions. ✦ Flashing Lights by des_nuages_de_paris, obi-wan/anakin & padme & satine & mace & cast, NSFW, modern au, 26.6k wip “Trust me.” Obi-wan turned to him. “It’s better than photoshopping it out. It gives him an edge. The scar, the hair, the brows…” He looked back over at Anakin, feeling his stomach flip. “It makes him look tough. Not enough male models can be pretty and tough.” “So I’m pretty?” Anakin grinned. ✦ i saw you and i knew by TheSopherfly, obi-wan/anakin & cody & rex, modern au, ballet au, 12.9k wip Anakin and Obi-Wan are dance partners at a contemporary dance company. They try to keep things professional. (It doesn’t work.) OBIKIN RECS - WHAT DID CANON EVER DO BUT BREAK OUR HEARTS ANYWAY? TIME TO TELL CANON TO FUCK OFF AND WRITE AN AU: ✦ the ageless dark by maragny, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & cody & rex & cast, NSFW, sith!obi-wan, sith!anakin, 25.6k Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Master and General of the Grand Army of the Republic, does not know what to make of his opponent, Separatist General and Sith Lord Darth Lessus…especially when he dreams of Lessus’ eyes, his smile, his voice saying Master, you’ve gone where I can’t follow. ✦ I only want you near me by Tomicaleto, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, dragon!obi-wan, 5.2k Anakin tries to get used to having a dragon as a mate. Hunting days seem to be part of the routine. ✦ A Price Like No Other by loosingletters, obi-wan/anakin & cast, nsfw, a/b/o, raised a sith!anakin, 3.6k Never found by the Jedi, Anakin Skywalker at fourteen was pretty, and valuable. He was worth slightly more than the average slave, could count his worth in peggats, truguts, wupiupi, and Republic credits; water, too, if need be, and there always was on Tatooine. And then the heat came. ✦ you love him dearly by shatou, obi-wan/anakin & cast, raised a sith!anakin, 2.3k Anakin wakes up, panting, alone in the dark. Obi-Wan suggests meditation. ✦ tactile orders by treescape, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, senator!obi-wan, 3.2k Anakin is assigned to accompany Senator Kenobi on a mission. They’re stuck on a ship together for four days. ✦ In Pursuit of Cold Water by JSwander, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, merman!anakin, 41.4k wip Obi-Wan resolves to rescue a very stubborn merman from captivity and back to the ocean. ✦ et si les étoiles sont cachées by shatou, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka, raised a sith!anakin, 2.8k “Master, what were you thinking?” Ahsoka hisses, eyes darting from him to the closed door of his bedroom, from where the sound of Anakin’s pacing is obvious. Her hand is still clutching one of her lightsabers, alert. ✦ always and forever by obikinn, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, dragon!obi-wan, 2k “I think you should fuck me while you’re a dragon, tonight.” -Anakin Skywalker, known monsterfucker ✦ Fine Pearls & Bad Leather by SingManyFaces, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, bodyguard au, 1.6k Lord Kenobi spends the night in with the captain of his personal guard while abroad in the Lake Country. ✦ use my body to break your fall by tennessoui, obi-wan/anakin & padme & ahsoka & mace & yoda & rex & palpatine & cast, NSFW, sith!obi-wan, 63.5k Obi-Wan Kenobi is too good at being a Sith Lord general of the Separatist army. The Jedi Council approaches Anakin with an offer he can’t refuse. These things are, actually, related. ✦ together again by Anonymous, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, a/b/o, sith!obi-wan, 2.8k Anakin has been in hiding for months when his Alpha finally finds him.

#obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #obikin #fic recs #star wars fic recs

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thelightsandtheroses · 4 months

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Secret Smile: Homecoming (Chapter Ten)

Javier Peña x female reader

Summary: Before returning to Colombia to get things right this time, Javi’s childhood best friend asks him to keep an eye out for his sister while they’re both stationed in the embassy. Only you don’t need Javier to keep an eye on you. Your role as a new legal advisor is all about keeping an eye on him after all. Sparks fly, lines will be drawn and broken and there’s everything to lose.

Word Count: 2.8k Chapter Warnings - 18+ blog, passing mention of differences in familial status, slight secret relationship, discussions of dismissal/quitting jobs/workplaces and injustice, mentions of sex. Reader has a backstory and family but no physical descriptions. Notes - This has been a long time coming and for anyone still out there reading this, thank you and I hope it’s worth the wait. The past few months have been particularly tough IRL which has made writing Blue's work stresses pretty triggering and difficult and then made me weirdly superstitiuous about even opening the wip file. That said, the muse finally hit, I decided to fight my anxiety about it and here we are.

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You didn’t have a plan. Not really. Rather your plan was merely the rough semblance of an idea, a delicate decision tree that was completely reliant on people caring and wanting to do the right thing. That, you realise now, may have been a mistake.

Frankly, Plan A had failed so long ago, you are probably somewhere around O or P in the alphabet now.

Whatever you had thought you would do though, it didn’t work. The best result you’ve negotiated, and one that was hard fought, is to have officially resigned, rather than be dismissed. Your time with that office and career aspirations are dead though.

Sometimes that’s what happens. You live in a world where perhaps certain victories are pyrrhic, your heroes don’t always prevail - or, if they do, there’s a cost. It’s one you’d pay again. It was the right thing to do.

Only a sense of integrity doesn’t pay the bills or prevent awkward conversations with your family. You’re going to have move in with your parents again because Rafa won’t have room at his house. You need to think of a way to frame this to them all.

There’s been a cold spell in DC. You can feel it still ghosting the air as you take a sip of coffee, clutching the to-go cup tightly between your hands. It’s a change to the humidity of Colombia, the familiar heat of Texas. You remember what it felt like you first moved here years ago and how novel the snow had seemed, how romantic thick jumpers and hot chocolate by a fireplace had felt.

You look over at the building ahead of you.

Javi won’t be long.

This is the last time you’ll be in front of this building, you’ve left it for the last time and that chapter of your life is truly over. You can barely remember who you were when you first stepped into those doors anyway.

You notice Javi leaving. You watch him loosen his tie as he leaves the building, making his way towards you.

“Hi,” you say gently. “All wrapped up?” You try and read any emotions on his face; whether his meetings went as smoothly as you hoped.

“All wrapped up,” Javi says, before kissing you deeply.

“Nice try to distract me,” you say, “but you didn’t tell me how it went.”

Javi groans into your neck. “Well, Spencer offered to make my resignation go away and for me to go to Mexico.”

“Mexico?” you ask, alarmed. Javi told you he couldn’t do this anymore, that he’d reached the end of his career with the DEA. Selfishly you have only just started this with him, you don’t want to lose it yet, you don’t want a long-distance relationship just now.

“Yeah.” There’s a bitter note in his voice that signals there’s more to this, more to what was said than a simple job offer.

“What did you say?” Is it over already? Is it over before you and him even had a chance to really know what the two of you could be? Will Javi go to Mexico while you return to Laredo without a job, without him?

Practically, you will understand if he says yes. You might not agree - you don’t agree, but you won’t say that unless he expressly asks.

You steel yourself for his next words. This was just a fling, stress relief, a stress response even. It doesn’t mean anything to him. He hopes you can still be friends.

You will smile, you will agree. You will lie.

Javi looks over at you quizzically, shifting his hand so he can entwine his fingers with yours. “I’m officially no longer a DEA employee. My - my time there is over.”

Relief courses through you. “Oh. Are you alright?”

“Are you?” Javi asks.

You pause, leaning into Javi and his warm body. In all honesty, you’re not sure. It isn’t just the job, or loss thereof, and the way your time in Colombia bought up so many demons from before. It’s not that you’ve been directly involved, or even witnessed, the most terrifying aspects of Javi’s work or time in Colombia. It’s more that you’ve lost something.

You’ve lost that faith, that certainty in a system of justice, in checks and balances. You don’t believe like you used to. There’s this cynical edge to your thoughts, this sense of sadness and futility that justice isn’t what you thought it was.

You’re tired, burnt out and you have no clue what to do next.

But then there’s Javi.

“I will be,” you say, pulling away from him before immediately reaching for Javi’s hand so the two of you can walk away from this building for the last time.

Together.

You thought you would show Javi the city you used to live in. There were coffeeshops, restaurants, walks you wanted to share with him. Moments to make together in this strange in-between time before you return to Laredo.

You’ve barely left your hotel room though. Restaurants were abandoned in lieu of room service fries, a club sandwich and salad. Strolls across tourist attractions have been discarded in favour of another kiss, another touch, another moment with Javi.

You tell yourself it’s because who knows when you’ll have time like this again. You tell yourself your feelings and this situation are completely under control.

Either way, the two of you are insatiable. It could be the relief of there being a firm line between Colombia and now, it could be making up for lost time.

Javi is the best thing the year has bought you so far. He makes it all worthwhile. You’re sure of that, even if the thought scares you.

You lean back against the pillow, as you try and catch your breath.

“How long do we have?” you ask.

“Until our flight?” Javi asks, kissing down your neck to your collarbone. “We need to check out in a couple of hours and then we’ve got a changeover in Dallas, but we should land before its dark.”

“Okay, I should go pee, clean up a bit,” you say, sitting up. “Water?”

“Water,” Javi confirms, placing a hand over his head as he collects himself. You like looking at him like this; the way the hotel room light hits his skin, still glistening with sweat, the look in his eyes, the way his hair is slightly undone and curls at the ends.

You get out of the bed, tugging a hotel robe around you as you walk to the bathroom. When you return, you pour two glasses of water and hand one to Javi as you sit back on the bed.

“So,” you say, before taking a sip of your water.

“So,” Javi repeats slowly, looking you over with care and concern. “Have you -” he falters.

You look at him curiously. “What, Javi?”

“Are you - are you coming back here? Or Austin? Or - are you sticking around?”

It never occurred to you. For all your anxieties about Javi leaving you for another job, you never thought he’d have the same worry about you.

“Well, the good thing is that even a town like Laredo probably needs a lawyer or two.”

“Oh, yeah?”

You nod and watch the way his face softens. His smiles are rare, but they’re so worth it. They light up his whole face, make an already attractive man even more attractive.

“I think I need a change though and maybe I can at least figure that out back in Laredo.”

“That’s good. Are you ready for this?”

You make a face. You’re starting to think you would rather spend your time grappling with legal systems and international diplomacy than this. “To move back in with my parents with no job? Oh Javi, absolutely not.”

An unwelcome thought suddenly hits you. What do you tell your families about you and Javi? It’s still so new and you’re still figuring out what any of it means. Part of you is worried that without the connection of Colombia, of work, maybe he won’t want you for much longer. Maybe it’s not enough to make something real.

“Do we tell people back home about us yet?” you ask. “I mean, do you want to? Or do we .. should we just keep this for us for a bit? Figure everything out?”

“What do you want to do, Blue?”

“I don’t know,” you reply honestly. There’s been so much change, so much anxiety. Javi’s been this amazing bubble and you know you feel something strongly for him. You know it feels like it could be something. You’re used to decision trees as a lawyer; you feel like you know where this is heading, you like that direction to.

You like who you are with Javi. So why are you scared to say that right now?

You stare down at your glass of water, wishing you could craft the right legal argument, the right way forward.

“We’ve got time, Blue,” he says calmly, “That’s something the two of us definitely are going to have right now in Laredo.”

“Well, I will. Didn’t you say you were going to help your Pops. Be a rancher?” You raise an eyebrow at the thought of that. It’s an appealing image though, you can’t lie. Javi all sweaty and working hard, you remember that day in Curacao and how he looked in the pink shirt after running around the town.

“We can figure this out on our own time,” he says, “I want to. I don’t want this to end right now though.”

“Neither do I.”

“So we’re agreed on that?”

You nod.

Javi leans over you, taking the glass from your hands and moving you so he’s on top of you. “Well, we’ve still got some time before we need to check out.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Laredo, TX

It feels like déjà vu. Another party in Laredo, another homecoming where it sounds like a success but feels like a failure. Another day of standing around the people Javi grew up with and feeling like a stranger.

He’s changed. Colombia’s changed him again and again and again. He thinks it’s something he has to wear; a solid, distinguishing marker of who Javi once was and who he has become. Before and After Colombia.

Laredo hasn’t changed much in the last year. His father’s home is almost exactly the same. It’s reassuring somehow; this stalwart unchanging community. His dad is driving the same truck, his room is the same as he left it. Everything even smells the same.

Time stops then starts again.

The prodigal son has returned once more. Javi supposes at least he’s here sooner than last time, at least his Pops can see he’s trying.

He is trying. He’s been trying for so long.

He’s home and he’s not sure what difference he’s made at all, a point only made more obvious when Mike Spencer confirmed that his fear the cartels Javier and his team had helped bring down were nothing in the grand scheme of things.

He’s failed. He couldn’t put it right. It’s why he went back after all - though if he’s honest he didn’t know how to do anything else.

He doesn’t know how to do anything else.

It’s not for him now though- he’s done. Javi’s given it all. It feels like he’s been sucked dry by the DEA over the past decade. He has nothing left to give them.

It’s not all terrible though - he looks over at you. You are the impossible bright side in all of his mess.

Officially this party is a joint welcome home and

He takes a sip of his beer as he watches you in the corner of his eye. You’re dancing in the garden with your niece, smiling widely and laughing.

You meet his eyes and he notices the smile; the way your eyes widen for just a second, the smile he’s never seen before. Not before you and him became something else anyway.

You take his breath away.

He wants to walk over to you straight away, to take you in his arms and just be reminded that you’re real, you’re here. He wants to kiss you and lead you straight to your bedroom, to taste you, have you, to know you again and again.

He knows so much more about you now; the way your body feels, the way you like to be kissed, touched, fucked. He knows how you sound when you wake up in the morning, the way you take your coffee each day. He knows you. In the past weeks, he’s taken to wanted to commit every detail of your body to his memory, just in case.

He can’t approach you though. Not now. Not here. Not yet.

Rafa pulls up the chair next to Javi. “It’s good to have you back, Javi.”

“Good to be back,” Javi replies automatically.

“Are you sticking around for a while?”

“I think so. Pops could do with some help on the ranch.”

Rafa raises his eyebrows. “I didn’t think - I mean, that’s great, Javi. So, you’re done with the DEA?”

“Yeah, it was time to make a change.”

“Well, I guess once you’ve taken down two cartels, it’s hard to know where to go next,” he replies wryly. Javi’s always liked that about Rafa; he’s quick thinking and smart. He knows how to put people at ease too. Javi supposes that’s an important part of being a doctor, especially being the family doctor in a town like this.

He’s sleeping with Rafael’s sister. While the two of you were in Colombia, or DC, he could forget that so easily. You were just Blue to him. You are just Blue to him.

Only you’re also his friend’s sister and in a small community like this, he’s not sure how this will be received. He’s not sure how Rafa will really feel about the two of you. Maybe he shouldn’t have told Rafa quite as much as he did before he went to Colombia.

It's not just that. Standing there in your parents' home, he's struck by the differences between your families. It's not featured in his friendship with Rafa, but there's no denying your family is a different type of affluent to his own. The ranch does well, his Pops runs it really well, but your family is doctors and lawyers and businessmen. He's not sure where he stands in contrast.

It makes sense now, why you asked that question of him in DC. Why you’d wondered aloud about whether they should tell people straight away. At first, he’d thought you were having second thoughts.

He gets it now.

“Was my sister okay out there?” Rafa asks.

“We didn’t spend much time together. Different departments.” A story you’ve agreed, but he hates this already. He wants Rafa to know what you’re like, how good at your job you are.

“Oh. Did you try and keep an eye on her?”

“When I saw her? Yes. But Rafa, she was more than capable of looking after herself from what I saw.”

“I know. I’m just glad she’s home. Glad you both are. Everyone was proud, but - I know my parents worried about her, know your pops worried about you.”

Before Javi can add anything else, you walk over with Sofia who is keen to head inside and regale her abuela with exactly what she’s been up to.

“I spent most of my time on the other side of the embassy at Medellin,” you say smoothly, looking around before leaning against the porch post. “Lots of paperwork and calls.” Javi hates how you play down your impact, of what you did and how you really helped.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Mhhmm,” you say easily, your eyes meeting Javi for just a second. There’s a slight smile in your expression, almost imperceptible but Javi sees it.

“Well, I’m glad the two of you are back safe.”

“Me too.”

“Would have been nice if you’d worked together though. I mean what were the chances? Two people from Laredo in the same place.” Kismet, that’s what you called it one day, right? That’s what Javi sees it as now.

Rafa looks over to the inside of your parents’ home. “I should go check on Sofia, see you in a bit, Javi. It’s good to have you home.”

It’s just the two of you on the porch now.

“So …” you begin with a soft smile. “Enjoying the party?”

Javi shakes his head. “It’s kind, but -”

“I know.” He knows you do too.

He stands up and moves to look out from the porch, standing next to you. His hand is so close to yours and he notices how you subtly move so your hands are touching.

Oh, this is going to be interesting.

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