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#please bear in mind these are my personal opinions
1644s · 6 days
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trust me, I’ve got nothing for you other than love
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warnings/tags: minors DNI, 18+, dark themes, implied babytrapping, woc!reader, mafia!AU (background), arranged marriage!AU, pregnancy, lovesick!lando, reader is on birth control but is she really?, manipulation, gaslighting, obsession, possessive behavior, dark!lando, these tags are not exhaustive
wc: 5.3k (what happened here...)
summary: Your marriage vows are til death do you part but Lando sees no harm in ensuring your forever is, well, forever.
dividers by @/cafekitsune :)
unedited, unbeta'd, etc. this was supposed to be maybe 2k but...here we are... anyway! there's a bigger background plot going on but I cannot be bothered to expand on it aldkjfas please let me know your thoughts and happy reading!!
also! sinha = lion in bengali :)
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“You just have to meet him, sinha.”
Through the grainy FaceTime call, your mother’s patient expression holds a touch of exasperation. She’s not scolding you but it’s a close call.
“No expectations?”
She shakes her head. “No expectations,” she promises and then she softens. She looks less like the wife of a criminal and more like your mom. “If you don’t like him—”
“Let me know what day he is free and I’ll clear up my schedule,” you interrupt, unable to bear listening to platitudes. It doesn’t matter if you like or dislike Lando Norris. Your father needs his family’s power and resources. This is a formality for your sake.
There are no expectations because this isn’t a choice.
You make a show of looking away from the camera as if being called and then look back at her with an apologetic grimace. “Sorry, I have to go. Someone’s at the door.” Your mother tries to say something else but you interrupt her with a hurried, “Love you! Bye.”
The call cuts. Your mother’s disappointed face lingers for a moment longer and then the screen fades to black.
Breathing out a heavy sigh, you rub at your face. Your parents have a way of forcing your hand and making it seem as if they are doing you a favor.
Objectively, Lando is nice. There is little overlap between your circle of friends and his but there is overlap and it lies with Carlos Sainz Jr.
Carlos has had nothing but good things to say about Lando when the topic is broached.
“A little immature but it is to be expected,” he laughed, wine sloshing in his glass. “He’s annoying. Like a little younger brother.”
That glowing review is all you have to go off of until Xavier comes back from his recon mission. You don’t think following Lando around with a camera necessitates such a dramatic title but it is not your opinion they ask for.
You’ve heard of what he is capable of but it is not the red flag it should be. Perhaps it is misguided and shockingly insensitive of you, but you care more if he will be a good person to you. You don’t need his affection but you do need his respect. And with that, you’ll need him to care about you enough to want to keep you safe. A man who feels obligated to keep you safe is not one you want.
Your phone pings. The screen lights up with a message from your father.
Clear your schedule for next Saturday. Wear something nice. Details to come.
-
Your spoon is halfway out of your mouth when Lando sits across from you.
His hair is perfectly styled to look effortless. A stray curl hangs down his forehead and only adds to his boyish charm.
He grins at you, eyes bright and shoulders relaxed. A backpack is slung over his shoulder and he’s wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants. They are of good quality but the lack of suit emphasizes his youth.
You’re suddenly struck by how young the two of you must look. It will be many years before Lando is expected to take over his father’s position but looking at him now, you can’t imagine such a situation. You know better, though, given his reputation.
“Fancy meeting you here.”
It’s so ridiculous it makes you laugh. “You really know how to keep a girl waiting, huh?” you say, more amused than not.
He’s fifteen minutes late but you don’t mind. Tardiness is the last thing you worry about in a partner. His body count, for example, is a more pressing matter.
The illegal one that is.
“I see you’ve gotten some food though,” he says, nodding towards the parfait you ordered. “Care to share?”
You offer him your spoon and when he reaches out, you pull your hand back. “Any allergies?”
He leans over the table and grabs your wrist. Dipping his head down, he takes a bite. “None,” he says around the granola.
You make a noncommittal noise. So far, he matches what Xavier’s detailed about him. There’s an easy going air about him which loosens the tension in your muscles. However, as much as you’d like this to be a normal introduction, you and Lando are working on borrowed time. So you’ll need to speed this along.
A litmus test might do the trick.
“Alright, let me see it.”
His smile disappears. “See what?”
“The file you have on me.”
He props his head with his hand. He’s careful as he says, “I don’t have a file on you.”
Leaning back into your chair, you cross your arms over your chest. You let the silence stretch between the two of you as you appraise him. When he continues to maintain his confused look, you sigh. It is foolish of you to think Lando will be honest. Honesty has no place for a marriage such as the one you will have with him.
“Okay,” you say simply. You tap your fingers against the table, a quick three beat tune before you give him a singular nod. “Let me know when and where to show up for our wedding. I’m impartial to a courthouse wedding but,” and you shrug, “It’s up to you.”
He straightens up. There’s a predatory stillness to him. “That’s it?”
You reach for your bag. He’s rented out the entire restaurant for the two of you so you’re sure the wait staff are being paid an exorbitant wage today. But it won’t hurt to leave a good impression in case you find yourself back here. You peruse your wallet, thankful you remembered to bring cash with you. “Yeah. Sorry to waste your time.” You’re perfunctory if not a little clipped with your response.
You think you’ll grab some lunch on the way back. The parfait, while good, only served to whet your appetite.
“Hold on.”
You can’t help but glance at your watch but you wait patiently as he gathers his thoughts.
“Why go through all this fuss?” Lando twirls his finger. “If you are leaving within—“ He looks at his watch and clicks his tongue, “Ten minutes?”
“I’ve been here for half an hour,” you remind him coolly. He winces but still offers no excuses nor an explanation for his lateness, so you steamroll ahead. “And if you’re willing to lie to me about something we both know is true,” you spread your hands out helplessly, “Then why bother with this? I’m sure my parents told you they set this up to appease me and you know what? Consider me appeased.”
He mouths appeased silently to himself. “You’re mad because you think I lied?” he clarifies, furrowing his brows.
“I’m mad because you are lying,” you correct icily.
“You really think I’d lay all my cards on the table so easily?”
“A file is all your cards?” you challenge.
His jaw locks. “No.”
You decide to cut him some slack. You dig through your purse and produce a folded stack of papers. Your parents were able to pull a sizable amount of information on Lando. It is supposed to remain confidential but this is your future marriage after all. You will be the one dealing with the Norris’, and Lando in particular, not them. You were rereading them up until you ordered and you presume Lando was doing the same given how last second this meeting is.
“I don’t want there to be an uneven playing field,” you say, waving the papers. “I want us to have a clean start.” Then you grimace. “As clean of a start as we can,” you amend.
He eyes the manilla folder. It’s fairly thick and you’re sure your color-coded tabbing only makes it more enticing. Lando kisses his teeth before reaching into his own backpack and pulling out a file. It’s much slimmer than the one you have on him.
You itch to reach over and take it but you restrain yourself. Placing your elbows over Lando’s file, you balance your head on one of your hands, mirroring his earlier lackadaisical pose. “So, is orange really your favorite color?”
“They have that in your file?”
He’s torn between being impressed and incredulous. It makes you wonder what they’ve managed to find on you.
You pull out a photo from your file. Flipping it over, you show him at a random dinner a couple weeks ago. You still don’t know how Xavier managed an invite to such a close-knit dinner but you suppose it’s best to not ask questions. “No. You just wear a lot of orange.”
He tries to snatch the photo out of your grasp but you quickly tuck it back into its place. “You have pictures of me?”
“I’ll show you mind if you show me yours.”
He rewards you with a laugh. “Yeah, s’fair.”
You pass over some of your photos and Lando does the same. You’re mildly terrified of how many Lando hands to you but he does not share the same reservations.
Lando flips through the photos. He keeps his expression neutral, betraying nothing as he sees how he’s been tailed without his knowledge.
“Do you have a favorite?”
You take a second too long to answer. “…Yes.” A smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth but you refuse to let him embarrass you. “Do you have one?”
“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” he mocks. Without needing to sort through your pile, he reaches over and takes the one off the top. He places it flat down in front of you, waggling his eyebrows as he does so.
You motion for him to hand you the ones he’s holding and he obliges. It takes a short amount of time even with your feigned studying of the pictures to pick one out.
All of them vary in degrees of how off guard Lando looks but this one in particular looks as if it is any run of the mill day for him. He’s laughing, fingers digging into his friend’s arm for balance. His eyes are crinkled and there’s a lightness to him that seems as if it’s attached to him at all times.
You swallow. Heat begins to collect underneath your cheeks. You hope Lando does not realize how much this photo flays you open.
You slide across the table, face down as well, and wait for him.
“On three?” he suggests.
You can’t look at him. You’ve accidentally laid your heart on a platter and now you must let Lando decide if it’s worth devouring. “On three.”
“One…two…”
You don’t know what you were expecting but you do know it is not this.
“Oh my god,” you groan, cheeks warm for an entirely different reason now.
You’re lounging by the pool in an outfit that is appropriate when you think you’re not being photographed by a random man’s family. You’re shading your eyes with your hand, mouth in a pout as you consider someone in the distance. Odds are, you were arguing with your friend Hiba about something stupid.
However, discomfort soon replaces the embarrassment seeping into your skin as you make a mental check of when you last hung out with Hiba by the pool. That had been…months ago. Your parents had made it seem as if this arrangement was a recent idea and not one they’ve been concocting for months.
Your vision flickers for a moment as your blood rushes to your head. At least they decided against springing a surprise wedding upon you, you suppose. It can always be worse.
Lando lingers on his photo and then puts it down. “So lying is a big deal to you.” He frames it as a statement and yet, he glances up at you through his lashes. His bottom lip is tucked beneath his top teeth.
You thumb your stack of photos, hesitant to see the images that have created the baseline of Lando’s perception of you. A sharp pain flares at the corner of your thumb. Blood is smeared across the white edges of the photos. You press your tongue against the paper cut to stave off the pain. Lando follows the quick flick of your tongue.
“It can be,” you admit. You are many things but you are not unrealistic. There will be things Lando must keep from you, husband or not, for your safety and his. But you don’t think it to be too tall an ask for some modicum of honesty to be what the both of you default to. “I want to trust you. And I want you to trust me.”
“So you’ll be willing to divulge all of your family’s secrets then?” Steel underlays the playful tease in his voice.
You keep yourself from rolling your eyes but it’s a near thing. He is so dramatic. “You will be my family when we’re married.” An emotion you can’t place flits across his face. Filing it away for later, you point at him. “And you lied about something easy to disprove. I’d rather us not act like we’re strangers when I practically have a minor in Lando Norris and vice versa.”
He nibbles the granola from your yogurt. “A minor, huh? You’re that confident?”
You tilt your head. “Should I have booked a seafood restaurant instead for dinner then? I heard Mariana’s does an excellent salmon.”
“Ugh, no. They got that correct.”
You share a smile with him. The tension cracks, giving the two of you breathing room. “Look, I’m not asking for full discretion for the…unsavory parts. Just you know.” You shrug.
“A partnership,” he supplies.
You make a so-so motion with your hand. “Is that what we want to call it?”
“Well, I’m a bit of a romantic so…” His voice trails off suggestively. But the brightness in his eyes lets you know he’s mostly kidding.
You bite the bait he’s hanging so lowly in your face. Compromise is one of the commandments of marriage, right? “Oh, are you now?”
He nods slowly. He finishes off the parfait and now points the smeared spoon at you. “Just you wait.”
“Alright Romeo, let’s start with a date first,” you say, unable to keep from smiling. “I promised you that much, didn’t I?”
He slaps his hands against his thighs. “That you did. Steak wasn’t it?”
You make a face. “Boring but yes. Short notice and all.” You drop a couple bills onto the table before slinging your bag over your shoulder. “Ready to sweep me off my feet?”
“Born ready,” he drawls, standing up.
You don’t miss the flash of silver at his waist. The sweatpants don’t do a good job of hiding what’s hidden there but maybe that is the point.
He catches your wandering eye and extends a hand towards you. His fingers are callused and rough but it’s soothing to you. You’ve never known a soft touch in your life and Lando is no exception.
“I take care of what’s mine,” Lando assures you. “You won’t have to worry about a thing with me.”
His smile is all teeth.
-
It’s overwhelming to be the object of Lando’s desire you come to find out.
“Lando, not here,” you breathe, eyeing his closed but unlocked office door. His lips drag across your throat, open-mouthed and with a hint of teeth.
“I’m a newlywed I think I can be forgiven,” he says, rucking your dress up higher on your body. The edge of his desk digs into your thighs but you hardly notice as Lando traces his nose down your hammering pulse. “Or did you wear this—“ His fingers stop crawling around your hips when he realizes there is no scrap of fabric lying against your skin. He runs his hand over your smooth skin again as if to do a sanity check. “Oh, you’re such a tease.”
He looks up at you through heavily lidded eyes and you grin. With how voracious Lando’s appetite for you is, you didn’t think underwear was worth the chance he might ruin another pair of panties. You’re still mourning that hot pink set he ripped with his teeth.
“Didn’t feel like leaving you something to remember me by this time,” you quip, spreading your legs.
Lando groans, sliding his hand down your thigh until his fingers brush against you. “Fuck, you’re going to kill me,” he says raggedly. He nips at your throat, the bite sharp enough to leave the imprint of teeth. The pain dissolves as the fever in your blood heightens. He soothes the faint sting with a wet kiss, apologetic and unrepentant at the same time.
He sinks two demanding fingers into you with ease. You turn your face into his bicep, trying to keep yourself from gasping too loudly. Your teeth dig into the fabric as his fingers curl up, nudging a spot inside that heats your blood to an inferno. You whimper, urging him closer. Lust clouds your senses and makes his teasing touches torturous.
He drags his thumb across your clit, sending shockwaves of pleasure cascading down your spine. The muscles in your thighs tighten and your knee hitches up to his side.
Lando huffs a laugh, blowing cool air against your sweaty skin. “Thought you didn’t want this,” he mocks.
“I changed my mind,” you say. Unbuckling his belt, you try to shove his pants down. An impatient whine accompanies you when he doesn’t make it easier for you. “Hurry up.”
He kisses his way down from your jaw to your chest, ignoring how you plead with him. His lips skate across your nipples, tongue darting out to circle them briefly before he drags that same traitorous tongue up the line of your chest.
“Stop being mean,” you whine, trying to push his head off of you.
“You like when I’m mean.” But he acquiesces, shoving down his pants.
The head of his cock nudges at your entrance and your stomach twists. The smooth head rubbing against your cunt has you faltering, reminding you of where you are. You almost want to tell Lando to wait but then he’s hiking your leg over his hip as he sinks into you.
A gasp is punched out of you as he stretches you around his cock. He doesn’t give you time to adjust, instead, choosing to press himself into you even further, reaching somewhere in you you didn’t even know existed.
Lando drives into you, his pace so rough that you can hardly catch your breath.
You moan, a broken guttural sound that Lando swallows greedily.
“You don’t want the others to hear, hmm?” he whispers against your ear. His fingers trail over you, featherlight and too much on your oversensitive skin. Yet, you arch into the touch anyway.
Warmth begins to build up in your belly and you feel it down to your toes. Lando slides his hands underneath your hips and yanks you forward, forcing you to take him down to the hilt.
Tears blur your vision. Your blood pounds so loudly in your ears you no longer hear the muffled sounds of Lando’s business partners outside. A shuddering sob of Lando’s name escapes your lips.
“That’s it,” he croons. “Just like that.”
Lando rubs his thumb against your clit, synced with his thrusts. Before long, you’re tightening up and coming all over his cock.
He loses his rhythm as you whine against the sensitivity. With his chest pressed against you, you can feel all of him tense up. He jerks his hips into you shallowly one, two times before you feel the telltale warmth.
“Fuck, you’re so perfect,” he mumbles, resting his head against your collarbone.
Lando lifts your hand and curls your fingers so he can press a kiss against your wedding ring. And you think, yeah, this is a man you can learn to love.
-
The two lines weren’t enough to convince you but the ‘pregnant’ staring up at you is harder to dismiss.
You still rub at your eyes, hoping once your vision clears again, you’ll see the ‘not’ that is surely hidden. You wait a few seconds until your eyes adjust and the result does not change.
An anxiety induced nausea begins to curdle the little food that is left in your stomach.
You’re pregnant.
You’ve only been married for six weeks.
There’s a knock on the door. “Babe? You okay?”
You can practically hear Lando making the mental decision not to jangle the door knob though you know it kills him not to. Instead, he leans against the door. The wood creaks underneath his weight.
Somehow, you wet your throat enough to not have your voice crack as you call out, “Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.”
You put the pregnancy tests back into the box and shove it behind your pads underneath the sink. Carefully shutting the cabinet door, you stand up and wash your hands. Your motions are methodical as if it is someone else commandeering you to scrub at your hands and dry them on the towel.
You turn the door knob slowly, pushing the door outwards. Immediately, Lando gathers you into a hug when you step out.
“I missed you,” he mumbles, pressing a kiss to the underside of your jaw.
You return his hug, perhaps squeezing him a little tighter than you usually do. “I missed you, too,” you say automatically. You’re still processing the two lines and the definitive pregnant you saw. If you had taken only one test, you could have convinced yourself it was a fluke. But two tests from two completely different companies would beg to differ.
“You okay?” he repeats, pulling back so he can look at you.
You don’t know how to lie to him so you say, “Just a little nauseous, that’s all.”
His attention sharpens. “Nauseous?”
“Mm hmm.” You try to duck underneath his arm but Lando holds you back.
“Hold on,” he cautions, running a critical eye over you. “For how long?”
You rack your brain for an evasive answer that will suffice but Lando is like a shark scenting blood in the water.
“How long?” he urges. There’s something wild lurking in his eyes. It cuts a serrated edge to his voice.
You won’t look at him. “I mean,” you hedge. “A while?”
That doesn’t cut it. “How long is a while?”
“I don’t know, I wasn’t keeping count!” you snap, throwing your hands up in the air.
“A couple of days? A week? Weeks?”
“Lando.”
He tries to smooth out the impatience in his expression. “My love, please humor me. I’m worried.”
You take a breath and count to ten. Running your tongue over your teeth, you try to remember the first time you felt this bone deep nausea that made you want to take your stomach out of your body. “Five days,” you say. “Now, can we go eat dinner?”
You aren’t hungry in the slightest. But a chewing Lando means there won’t be a talking Lando and you will take your wins where you can get them.
He looks like he wants to continue this frankly riveting conversation but you pout. It works more times than it does not and right now is no exception. He kisses his teeth and mutters an agonized, “You’re unfair.”
You force yourself to eat dinner. Your nausea clogs your throat, making each bite a monumental task as you try and listen to Lando recount his day. The food is heavy in your stomach, a leaden weight that you are overly conscious about.
Lando slows down in his complaints about Carlos. He puts his fork to the side of his plate. You find it hard to hold his attention for long.
“Are you sure you’re alright?”
Smiling tightly, you nod. Saliva pools in your mouth and you pray you’ll last the five minutes needed for Lando to finish eating. “Just been a long day.”
He doesn’t believe you but he’s always indulged you so he swiftly moves onto discussing the rest of his day. You nod at all the right places and ask him follow up questions. Lando becomes so engrossed in picking at your brain that his suspicions are temporarily set aside.
It doesn’t take long for him to finish eating and for you to make your escape, citing a much needed shower as your reason. You rinse off quickly and run through your night routine before Lando can sneak in. You examine yourself in the mirror with every conceivable angle and find your stomach looks as it always does. Your pregnancy is in its early stages but somehow, you are fearful Lando will know by simply looking at your bare stomach.
He joins you while you finish brushing your teeth. There’s a disgruntled wrinkle to his brows and if you were in the right headspace, you might ask him what’s wrong.
He leans his hip against the door frame as he watches you apply your moisturizer. The wrinkle deepens.
“You feeling okay?”
The nausea has finally settled but your nerves have not. A staticky energy buzzes underneath your skin. “Yeah.”
It has only been two hours since you found out and you don’t think you can keep this to yourself for any longer. God, you guys haven’t even discussed kids yet. Lando deserves a proper announcement but you can’t do that when you don’t know if he even wants kids this early.
But waiting will do you no favors.
“Lando,” you say. Your throat strains and you feel the pinpricks of tears beginning to fill your lash line. “I need to tell you something.”
He tips your chin up. Worry darkens his eyes when he scans your sickly face. Whatever he’s searching for he does not find given by the flex of his cheek muscle. A specific type of misery replaces his worry and it makes your stomach tangle into a knot to know you’ve put such an expression on your husband’s face. “What’s wrong?”
He doesn’t look like he’s keen on the answer but he smooths his hand over your jaw encouragingly. His shoulders straighten as if he wishes to brace himself.
“I’m pregnant.” The confession is clumsy on your too thick tongue.
For a moment, Lando doesn’t react. It’s as if the words have no meaning to him.
“You’re pregnant?” he breathes. Both his hands are placed against your cheeks, cupping your face gently. “You’ve taken a test?”
You nod, unable to speak. And then you hold up two fingers, hoping he understands.
“Both of them were positive?”
You nod again.
A bright grin spreads across his mouth. “I can’t believe it,” he murmurs, eyes dropping to your stomach.
“You’re not…upset?” you ask in a small voice.
He’s quick to snap his attention back to you. “Why would I be upset? Are you upset?”
You bite your lip. You haven’t given it much thought despite how you’ve spent the last hour on the brink of a panic attack. You want kids, that much has always been clear to you.
But you certainly hadn’t anticipated getting pregnant only weeks into your marriage to someone who is essentially a stranger. You like Lando, and in your private moments you can admit to yourself you will come to love him for who he is, but you don’t know Lando.
“No,” you say, testing how it makes you feel. It gives weight to the indecision warring within you so you try to remedy it by following up with, “It’s overwhelming.”
He strokes your cheekbone gently. “We’ll be okay. We’re probably better off than most.”
You cut him an irritated look. Your baby will be provided for but they will also be in danger for the unforeseeable future simply because of who their parents are.
It is something you’ve always known for your kids but you thought you would have more time to prepare for it.
He frowns. “Hey, you know I’d never let anything happen to you. Or our baby.”
“I know that. It’s just—“ You shrug helplessly. “It’s so soon, Lando. We barely know each other.”
He scoffs. “We know each other plenty. Our, uh, what did they call it?” He looks around as if the word will materialize in front of him.
“Courtship,” you offer, amused.
“Courtship! It was long. Longish,” he corrects sheepishly.
Considering how quickly both your families wish to secure this alliance, the period before your engagement was quite long. You’re reluctant to call it dating given that you and Lando knew exactly how it would end but it was a two month period you wouldn’t have been afforded if Lando hadn’t pushed for it.
He had been gracious with your hesitation, promising to go at your pace. For all of Lando’s lightheartedness, he had a maturity about him that surprised you. His patience endeared you to him and it didn’t take you long to stop pushing off the inevitable.
And now look at the two of you: married for six weeks with a baby on the way.
You think you are going to be sick and it has nothing to do with your pregnancy related nausea.
“How are you not freaking out?” You press your forehead against his shoulder.
Lando takes things on the chin. It’s something you admire and wish you could adopt into your own personality with equal finesse. Unfortunately, you are built to overthink and anticipate the worst case scenario.
“I don’t think it’s hit me yet,” he admits. “But when it does, I’ll still be just as happy. It’s me and you. We got this.”
Fear clings to you but it’s tempered by his confidence. “I’ll freak out for the both of us then.”
He laughs. The sound is pure sunshine amongst the doom and gloom you’ve held close to your chest the past few hours. “Don’t you always?”
You punch at his arm, if it can even be classified as that. He laughs again and lifts your head so he can kiss you. He’s smiling so much it’s hardly a kiss but it warms you all the same.
“Where are the pregnancy tests?” Lando asks when he pulls away.
“Behind the pads downstairs.”
His eyes widen. “That makes so much sense,” he says to himself. You look at him weirdly but he doesn’t notice. “Be right back.”
He’s out the door and down the stairs in a matter of seconds. You’d find it cute if he wasn’t literally going to go grab some sticks you peed on. But you also deprived him of finding out with you so you suppose it is cute.
You eye your box of birth control pills on the counter almost forlornly. You were supposed to start a new pack two days ago but with how severe your nausea has been, you didn’t bother taking them the last two days seeing as they would end up flushed down the toilet soon enough.
With a heavy sigh, you pick up the pack to throw it away. When your finger meets the frayed edge of the box, you pause.
You know you didn’t open this pack. You couldn’t have and yet, it pulls apart easily. Pushing the pack out of the box, your eyebrows creep to your hairline as you notice the first two days of pills are missing.
A hand disrupts your vision as Lando smoothly plucks the box out of your grasp and tosses it into the trash. You follow the box as it drops into the trash. The two punched out holes peek at you over the opened edge.
Unease knits itself across your heart. An unfamiliar tightness coils in your stomach, the sort that makes your blood curdle in your veins. Lando wouldn’t—he wouldn’t do this to you.
It would be much easier to convince yourself if a self-satisfied smile wasn’t currently curving Lando’s mouth.
“Guess we won’t be needing these anymore.”
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this fic is finished. there won't be a part 2. thanks!
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7ndipity · 3 months
Text
Their Ideal Types
Ot7
Summary: What I believe the members ideal types would be.
Warnings: Swearing, not proofread
A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this! Please bear in mind tho that these are just my personal opinions, based on what I’ve observed from their personalities and with some references to their astrology charts(if you’re not into that, just ignore those points on each list)
Masterlist
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Jin:
His Capricorn venus means that he’s a little old fashioned in his style of romance, which I think reflects in his statements in the past about being a classic hopeless romantic. He wants someone who he can sweep off their feet and eventually settle down with.
I don’t think he has a huge preference on age, I feel like he’d kinda want either a little older/younger rather than the same age tho.
He’s said once that he wanted someone a little on the chubby side(granted, this was years ago, so I don’t know if that’s still true), he also strikes me as someone who would be drawn more to the classic ‘girly’ vibe(pastel colors, flowy layers, fluffy sweaters, etc) but I think the main vibe he’d look for in a partner is comfort. I don’t quite know how else to describe it other than ‘Ghibli vibes’ if that makes sense?
He would want someone with a classy/graceful air, who’s confident in themselves and not afraid to take the lead sometimes and stand up for themselves.
Someone mature, but not too serious, with a good sense of humor and who’s not afraid to be silly sometimes. Someone affectionate, but not overly clingy.
Someone patient and understanding, who makes it easy for him to open up and be vulnerable.
Yoongi:
Pisces are already very deep feeling signs, but coupled with his Venus in Aries, Yoongi can sometimes come off rather intense in regards to relationships. He’s very matter of fact about his feelings sometimes, and I think he wants someone who can match his frankness. He doesn’t have patience for mind games, if you’re into him, fucking say it.
He’s said before that he doesn’t really have a type, at least when it comes to physical appearances or styles. Imo tho, I feel like he would be into someone with a casual, more tomboyish style(oversized hoodies/sweaters, layered shirts, sneakers, shorter hair)
Doesn’t really have a preference on age either.
He’s said before that he wanted someone similar to himself, with a deep passion for music and creating. Obviously, that doesn’t mean you have to be a professional artist/musician(I actually think he would prefer someone outside the industry, or at least outside the Idol/Kpop sphere), but he definitely needs someone who’s a fellow creative type who can understand that side of him.
Someone patient and warm, with an infectious energy that can help bring his mood up(kinda like Hobi), with a sharp sense of humor like his own.
I think he would like someone who’s somewhat independent, who knows what they want and isn’t willing to take shit from anyone.
Hobi:
His Pisces Venus means he’s very go with the flow when it comes to relationships, so he would want something very relaxed, without any chase or mind games, or anything too rushed either. He wants someone he can just ‘be’ with.
I think he’d prefer someone slightly younger, not significantly tho, just a couple years or so.
I think he’d be into someone ‘cute’, though maybe not necessarily in fashion sense, moreso just their general energy. Style-wise, I think he’d like someone who similar taste as him, more streetwear type clothes.
Someone bright and easygoing, who’s equally happy with going out or staying at home and doing nothing. Someone energetic, who not afraid to be silly at times.
Someone very sweet, kind and gracious(lowkey think he would be into the “mom friend” personality)
He’s said before he wanted to feel cherished in a relationship, so I think he would want someone he can take care of, big fan of skinship(bordering on a little clingy). Someone who makes him feel needed/wanted, who dotes on him over little things.
Namjoon:
Namjoon is like a textbook Virgo, very grounded and practical. However, his Venus in Scorpio means he’s quite intense emotionally and sexually, so he would want a partner that can balance or match his intensity.
I think he would prefer someone his age or slightly younger.
I remember Jk saying once that Joon was into the ‘cute but sexy’ vibe, and I think that’s still true to an extent, he finds people with range very attractive. I don’t know that he really has a preferred style, maybe something more simplistic like his?
He would definitely like someone confident and independent, who can hold their own in a conversation or argument, but still polite and open minded. Someone that can challenge him and his own perceptions.
Someone intelligent, career/goal driven, and creatively minded, someone who he can go to museums/art exhibits with.
I think he would also really like someone who’s into fitness and working out like he is(lowkey loves the idea of gym dates), but it’s not a necessity for him.
Jimin:
He’s a classic Libra to his core(which I love abt him but it also drives me crazy). As much as he loves to tease, he doesn’t have the patience for too much chase or playing hard to get. He wants someone who’ll be honest about their feelings.
I think he would want someone close to his age, a little older/younger doesn’t make much difference to him.
He said before that he tends to prefer cuter appearance/vibes, but with his Venus in Scorpio, I think he would be drawn to someone with a bit of a darker, sensual contrast in their personality or looks, kinda like him.
He’s a hopeless romantic,(his favorite movies are the Notebook and Like Crazy, he’s a major softie) wants someone he can fall with and yeah, be a bit melodramatic with.
Someone warm, but slightly introverted, maybe even a little shy. Someone kind, open minded, and patient, but willing to stand up and speak their mind when they need to.
Someone who makes him feel needed(another Libra trait) Someone who can keep up with, or even match, his flirty nature.
Taehyung:
As an Aquarius Venus, he tends to be drawn towards people with unique, unconventional beauty/style. He wants someone who’s not afraid to go against the norm to be themselves(tho he would love it if you have similar love for vintage aesthetic like him)
Idk why, but he gives me “When Harry met Sally” vibes. Like, despite his fascination with romanticism as an aesthetic, I think he really prefers to go the friends to lovers route. He wants someone he feels comfortable with first and foremost. He falls slowly and then all at once.
I don’t think he has much preference on age, but he’d probably like someone his age or maybe slightly older.
I think he’d kinda be into the “mom friend” personality. I’ve said it before, he really likes being taken care of, even if it’s just in little ways like fixing his hair or buttoning his coat before he leaves in the morning.
Someone slightly more extroverted, who makes friends easily, likes kids and animals.
Someone sensitive and mature, but who he can still be goofy and random with, who’ll play along with his skits and tangents(like jimin does)
Jungkook:
Although he seems more drawn towards classic feminine style, I think he’d actually find someone with a similar style to his really attractive, even if it’s just in color palette. I don’t think he really has a type stylistically tho.
Despite Libra Venus’ tendency to look for partners that they have an immediate connection with, they actually prefer the ‘friends to lovers’ route, and I think that’s very accurate for him.
He’s kinda into the chase(literally the entire Seven video like👀), so he likes a partner that plays a little hard to get and teases/challenges him sometimes, but only sometimes.
I think he’d prefer someone his age, or maybe even a little older(He has a noona/hyung kink, I will die on this hill)
Like Joon, I think he’d really appreciate who’s into fitness/working out/boxing(lowkey, if you can hold your own wrestling with him, he’s got heart eyes)
Someone confident, independant, and artistic with a good sense of humor. Someone well mannered and patient(rudeness is an instant turnoff for him). Someone who can challenge him, but in a gentle, non-critical manner.
Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @main-bangtansmauyeondan @feminympho @a-gayish-unicorn @captainorangegoose @k4ngelz
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animeomegas · 5 months
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The Quest for a Second Life - Part 5 - 50 Shades of Audacity (1)
KAKASHI X ALPHA!READER
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Summary: If suddenly waking up in an uncanny office had been bad, this time was worse, because you had a job interview, and the guy before you had just stormed out in tears. Why did you pick this world again? And why is your boss an asshole? And sexy? And with a nice voice? Fuck, this wasn't going to be good. GN!Dom!Alpha!Reader x Multiple
Word Count: 10.8k
Warnings: Alcohol consumption, sex while both parties are a little tipsy, workplace violations, questions about someone not eating lunch due to being a workaholic, and overuse of the world asshole as an adjective. All alphas have dicks, fyi.
A/N: Happy Holidays everyone! And a special happy holidays to those who guessed that our next omega was going to be Kakashi!!! December is well underway and I'm working hard to get all these chapters finished in time for the epilogue to be released on Christmas! The dynamic is different with this one, but I hope everyone enjoys nonetheless <333 I hope you enjoy the choice for the second character, @omeganronpa I'm honoured to call you my friend <333
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Epilogue
In the span of one blink, you went from standing in the library with James, to sitting on an uncomfortable chair in some kind of office waiting room. No matter how many times you jumped between realities, you swore you would never get used to the complete sensory change that happened in milliseconds. You had changed positions, clothes, company and scenery just like that.
Trying to gain your bearings, you tried to take in your new surroundings. Your first thought was that you had some serious déjà vu, as James’ uncanny valley of an office sprung to mind. Seriously, how many times were you going to suddenly gain consciousness in a soulless office?
At least this one was a lot less creepy, you admitted. It had doors and windows for starters, but the cavernous size of the room also helped diminish the claustrophobic feeling. Rather than beige, the room was decorated in a tasteful, modern, monochrome, boring but inoffensive, and better than too much beige in your opinion.
The copious amounts of soulless corporate art on every surface were the final touches that convinced you this was a real office and not set dressing for purgatory.
The waiting room was full of people though. You hadn’t seen this many people in one place since Itachi took you into town, and the general air of anxiety coming off them all was putting you on edge.
You fidgeted, uncomfortable at suddenly wearing formal business wear. The blue folder that was sitting on your lap shifted slightly, but you paid it no mind as you straightened everything out and readjusted yourself into a more comfortable position. To your left, what you could only describe as the combination of a modern water feature and grandfather clock chimed, signalling it as 09:00 AM.
‘James? Can you hear me?’
‘I can, human alpha.’
‘Great. Can you give me a run down of this pocket dimension please? It’s been like, two weeks since I read the blurb.’
‘Of course. ’50 Shades of Audacity’ follows MC, an alpha graduate student who lands the role of personal assistant to one of the most famous CEOs of the time, omega, Kakashi Hatake. MC discovers that Kakashi is hiding a submissive streak, and together, they explore their relationship while preparing for the yearly Autumn Company Party.’
You nodded idly as James explained it, vague memories coming back to you. The man next to you shot you a weird look, and you realised you were nodding at seemingly nothing. You cleared your throat and shifted awkwardly. Whoops.
Regardless, the blurb put your current situation into perspective. When you had chosen the book, you had expected to enter the world already working as a personal assistant, but you had a sneaking suspicion that this was the job interview and all the people sat with you were competition.
To confirm your suspicion, you opened the folder on your lap, and yep, it was filled with important documents, including your CV, degree certificate, and several references. Damn, for someone decently young, you seemed to be the perfect candidate. That did relieve some of the tension. The world was literally set up to push you into the role, and you were the perfect candidate, surely there was nothing to worry about. For now, you decided to try and relax. Job interviews were a pain in the ass, but this one hopefully wouldn’t be too bad. And you could always talk to James to pass the time.
‘James, I know you must be thinking something along the lines of, ‘what kind of human picks a life where they have a job, when they could choose to not have a job?’’
‘I have never had such a thought.’
‘But I’m playing the long game, James,’ you continued, ignoring her response. ‘This Hatake guy must be rolling in it, and so once we’re serious, there would be no reason for me to work anymore! And it’s not like we’d get divorced in an erotica novel, that wouldn’t make sense, so I just need this job to meet him, make him fall in love with me, and then, if I stay here, I’ll have a fancy CEO husband, and everything will work out great.’
‘I see. I believe humans term that strategy, ‘gold digging’.’
You were planning to argue back, but your outrage died on your lips when you realised that she was kind of right. You were only going to choose this omega if you actually loved him, of course, but you couldn’t deny that the main reason you had chosen this book in the first place was the money and possibility of a cushy life. And being able to retain access to the internet which was something you’d have to give up for a life with Itachi.
‘What backstory elements are set in stone here?’ you asked, realising that the amnesia trick wasn’t going to work a second time.
‘Primarily your qualifications and educational history. You also own both a flat and a car, although how you obtained those is up to you.’
Nice, that gave you a lot of freedom to work with. Also… was your flat nice? And what about your car? You hoped so, but even if they weren’t, you could get Hatake to pay for a nice upgrade.
A man with a clipboard walked out of the office door to your left and everyone in your vicinity snapped to attention. He had brown hair and intense, dark eyes that were a little unnerving. “The interviews for the personal assistant job have now begun. You will be called up one at a time. Ren Shimomura.”
The man who had given you a strange look earlier got up and walked into the office with a confident smile, his briefcase swinging gently by his side. When the door closed behind him, everyone relaxed a little and went back to their pointless busy tasks.
‘So, James, what can I expect from this job interview?’ you asked. You figured it wouldn’t hurt to be prepared, even if the universe was going to intervene for your success.
‘That question is more difficult to answer than you might think, human. Despite this pocket dimension being one of the most popular in the erotica category, no one has ever successfully passed the interview and obtained the personal assistant job.’
Your stomach dropped. What? That couldn’t be right, could it?
You laughed nervously, sure that you had misheard. ‘What? Surely the universe needs the person to get the job.’
‘Yes, it has been causing quite the issue. This world has been scheduled for removal for being too difficult to follow. You will be the last person from your realm to ever enter this one, whether you decide to stay or not.’
‘Thanks for warning me before I picked it,’ you ‘said’, your mental voice taking on a tinge of bitterness. So, you were pretty much doomed to failure here? Great.
‘I didn’t warn you, human.’
‘I know.’
Your mental conversation ended as the door to the office opened and the man, Ren, stormed out, looking like he was holding back angry tears. He exited the room swiftly, without so much of a glance back.
That certainly didn’t make you feel any better about your chances.
Neither did your name being called seconds later.
The man with the clipboard smiled at you as you stood, folder in hand. “Just in there, Mr. Hatake is waiting for you.”
You nodded and approached the door. Right, this was fine. You took a deep breath and reminded yourself of your situation. You didn’t need this job. You wouldn’t run out of money without it, you wouldn’t get blacklisted or arrested if something went wrong, you couldn’t die if something went very wrong. The very worst-case scenario was that you bungled this, spent the next two weeks enjoying some alone time in this world, and then returned to your beautiful witch.
So, really, what reason did you have to be nervous?
With that in mind, you took a fortifying breath and walked into the office with your head held high. This CEO couldn’t scare you.
The design of the office was much the same as the waiting room, with a monochrome colour scheme and minimal furniture. The entire back wall was glass, which bathed the office in natural light, but cast shadows around the impressive desk in the middle of the room. Behind the desk was an imposing desk chair that was currently faced away from you. The back of the chair was so high that you couldn’t technically tell if Hatake was sitting in it or not. In front of the desk was a much less impressive desk chair; presumably that chair was for you.
You walked towards your chair, marvelling at how cliché the whole ‘tall chair spin reveal’ thing was. What was he, a Bond villain? The main question though, was if he’d also be accidentally flashing his nipples at you. You stifled a laugh imagining a scary CEO turning around in his chair only for the buttons on his shirt to come flying off.
“Did I say that you could sit down?” The voice came from the highbacked chair, which was still facing away from you.
The CEO’s voice was hot, you couldn’t deny that, but his attitude was already ugly. What kind of high and mighty asshole spoke to people like that? Were you supposed to just stay standing until he offered the seat when he couldn’t even be bothered to face you? Fuck that.
Suddenly, what was remaining of your nervousness bled out of you, replaced by annoyance. Honestly, you had already accepted that you weren’t going to get this job or this omega as soon as James had explained the situation, but maybe you could still get something out of this. Like catharsis. You could berate Hatake on behalf of every shitty boss you couldn’t berate in the past and then this world would still be worth it.
“Unless you’re suffering from short term memory loss, there’s no need for me to answer that question.”
Finally, that seems to goad him into turning around. The chair swivelled, revealing Kakashi Hatake in all his glory. He was dressed in the exact kind of suit you expected for someone like him, expertly tailored, incredibly expensive, and in a tasteful blue colour. Just peeking out from his collar you noticed some clear scent patches, and you imagined you’d find the same ones on his wrists. He had grey-silver hair styled in a way that must have required a significant amount of hair wax, and equally grey eyes, one of which had a vertical scar running through it. He even had a frankly adorable beauty mark, what the fuck.
Fine. He was hot. That didn’t mean he wasn’t an asshole.
The look he was giving you was somehow both disparaging and uninterested, like he was looking at a badly painted wall.
“Why do you want this job?” he asked, voice bored and condescending. “You don’t seem like you’d be particularly good at it.”
You grit your teeth at his blatant disrespect, “Jobs provide the money which can be exchanged for goods and services required to facilitate survival, you see. Perhaps the silver spoon in your mouth prevented you from learning that dichotomy.” You missed your witch.
Kakashi raised an eyebrow. He held out a hand, and you wordlessly passed him your folder of documents. You were honestly surprised that he hadn’t just kicked you out already. His motivations became clear however, when he picked out your CV, ripped it in half, and then tossed it in the bin.
This asshole! You were furious.
Hatake pressed a button on a raised box on his desk and began to speak into it, presumably to dismiss you and ask for the next person to be sent in.
You didn’t need this job, you couldn’t get into any meaningful trouble, and this man was royally pissing you off. Something in you just snapped.
“Tenzou, send—”
You grabbed him by his boring, blue tie and stood, pulling him partially over the desk and towards you. He gasped in surprise, letting go of the button as both hands flew up to grab your wrist. You expected him to immediately pull you off him, but he didn’t. He was still, staring at you with wide eyes. For the first time since you’d walked into his office, it felt like he was properly looking at you.
“I am the best fucking personal assistant out of any of those people out there, and I will not have some bratty CEO talk down to me, understood?”
“I’ll call security,” he said quietly, voice strangely hoarse.
“Don’t bother.” You let him go and he fell back heavily into his ridiculous chair.
“Senpai?” The clipboard man’s voice floated through the speaker on the black box. “Is everything okay? You cut out.”
The man didn’t reply to the message, he only stared at you. His face was blank, but you had the feeling that there was a lot going on inside his head.
‘Remember the story, human.’
For a moment, you thought James was encouraging you to play nice for the sake of the story, but then you realised that she meant. Fuck, that’s right, Kakashi Hatake was a secret submissive. He was probably very turned on and very confused right now. You sent him a cocky grin.
“The job starts Monday, yes?” He nodded, dumbly. “I’ll see you then, 08:00 sharp. All my documents are in the folder.” You walked to the door confidently, and just as you reached it, you turned. “Have a good day, sir.”
You opened the door just as the clipboard man tried to do the same on the other side. You paid neither him nor any of the other candidates any mind, you just strode towards the exit, adrenaline rushing through your veins.
The fresh air and sun hit you as you stepped outside into the office’s car park.
‘James, oh my god, I grabbed him by his tie.’
‘I saw, human, it was very unexpected. No other human has attempted such a method.’
‘I would so be blacklisted if this were real, James. Did… Did I do a good job? It felt like I did at the time, playing up to his submissive side, but now I just feel like I was crazy and there’s no way he’d give me the job.’
‘Only time will tell, human, I do not have the answers.’
‘Time… I can do that.’ You gazed out over the sea of cars, all shimmering in the sun. ‘Now, James, which car is mine?’
Once you had successfully found your nicer than expected car, you headed to your mysterious flat. It took longer than you thought, but at least you’d learnt some more about James; she was terrible at giving directions and did not know what a roundabout was.
Your flat, much like your car, was nicer than you expected for a recent graduate that worked as a personal assistant. It was stylish and cosy, with lots of wood tones and warm, textured fabrics. It could have fallen out of an interior design magazine, right down to the perfectly placed bowls of fruit. The flat even had a guest room and a home office.
You were going to put this one down to porn logic again and figure out some sort of explanation for why you had the money for this in your backstory.
After doing some snooping around the flat, you flopped down on your bed, feeling strangely exhausted. You pulled out your phone (and how strange it was to have modern technology back!) and checked the date. It was Friday lunch time, and you didn’t have to go to the job, presuming you even got it, until Monday. That meant you had an entire weekend to do what you wanted. That was the best news you’d heard all day.
‘James, is the entire world, I guess, loaded, for want of a better word? Like, theoretically, if I travelled across the world to a random village, would the people there be real? Does the world function outside of the story?’
‘Once you choose to remain in a world, it functions exactly like the one you came from, yes, complete with up to billions of people who each have their own lives. Not everything is ah, loaded, in this demo though. I would recommend staying firmly within this city for the time being.”
‘Amazing! That’s so exciting, James!’
‘If you say so.’
Alongside modern technology, staying in this world would also give you more chance to travel. With Itachi, you would be mostly going on foot, perhaps on a horse if you were lucky, but here you could be on the other side of the world in a day.
That was for future you to weigh up though, right now you needed to find a bank statement of some kind, because you wanted to spend this weekend pampering yourself and you needed to know your budget. You could think about Kakashi Hatake and this world later, once you had your thoughts in order.
The weekend passed in a blur of bubble baths, food delivery apps, and films. You’d even gone for a dip in your complex’s pool. It had been nice to recharge. You had enjoyed spending time with Itachi immensely, but you’d had almost no proper alone time for over half a month, and it was sorely needed.
The only other thing of note happened on Saturday, when you received an email from Hatake’s company, which contained your new company account and login details.
Walking into work on Monday was a surreal feeling that you couldn’t put into words. No one acted like anything strange had happened. You were treated like a normal new hire, which you suspected meant Hatake had kept the details of your interview to himself.
Speaking of Hatake, he was apparently in meetings all morning and so you wouldn’t see him for a few hours. You didn’t know if you were irritated or relieved that your likely awkward reunion would be postponed.
“So, here is Kakashi’s calendar, which kind of functions like the core of your job,” Iruka, the man who was training you, said. “You’ll be in charge of organising his appointments and commitments and reminding him to attend them.” The last part was added with a tone that suggested Hatake had not always been the best at either being on time or showing up at all.
“Got it. No double bookings, and smack Hatake with a ruler if he tries to escape.”
Iruka snorted, but quickly smothered the laugh with a hand. “Pretty much. For today, I’ve gone through your inbox and marked the emails that require appointments as urgent. You just need to schedule them and add them to his calendar. It’s pretty busy at the moment because of the Autumn Company Party at the end of the month, so don’t worry if everything’s a bit much. My desk is over there, so you can ask for help at any time, okay?”
“Thanks, you’re a lifesaver.” You grinned at him, and he smiled back.
“Good luck!” With that he was gone. That wasn’t the first time the Autumn Company Party had come up, but you still weren’t sure what that had to do with the plot of his pocket dimension. It certainly wasn’t as straight forward as ‘collect the potion ingredients’.
‘James, what’s the deal with this party? What’s going to happen at it?’
‘There are many, many ways the event can play out, human. Seeing that you are the first to make it past the interview, I cannot even tell you which outcomes are most likely.’
‘Damn. Well, thanks anyway.’
You ended up whizzing through your work. It was incredibly simple, which could have been because they were taking it easy on you for your first day, or because work in general was easier in porn universes. You finished before Hatake was freed from his morning meetings, so you decided to do a little googling on your new boss. As such a high-profile CEO, you were sure you could find some information on him.
You put his name into the search bar and scrolled through the top results.
There were mostly news articles and links to the company websites, but eventually his Wikipedia page popped up and you clicked on it, skimming down the paragraphs immediately. Your eyebrows kept rising up as you read. His father, the original founder of the company had committed suicide when Kakashi was four years old, leaving him an orphan. He had been immediately added to the company’s board of directors (at four years old?!), and when he’d turned eighteen and those overseeing the company didn’t seem keen to pass it back to him, Kakashi had staged a business coup and seized control by force.
Jeez, what a life story.
Closing the Wikipedia page, you opened a couple of articles instead. One was a gossip magazine speculating on his famous bachelorhood and why he hadn’t settled down yet. Another was talking about the large donations he had made to several dog and animal welfare charities. The third was just a listicle of pictures of him from various point throughout his life. Ha. He looked like he was such a cute, grumpy kid.
You had to admit that his character was perfectly set up to redeem him for being an asshole at your first meeting. Dead parents, a tragic backstory, betrayal from those supposed to look after him, an animal lover… You bet that he had been forced to supress his emotions to avoid being manipulated as a child, too. That was about as stereotypical as you could get. Were he a fictional character, his fans would easily excuse any rudeness and ruthlessly defend him online. And that was fine, but they weren’t the ones who had to be on the receiving end of his rudeness.
Ugh, you didn’t know what to do with him. On one hand, you were happy ignoring him for being mean to you in your interview, but on the other, you kind of wanted to get to know him to see what the story was about. Maybe you’d put in a bit of effort as a show of good faith, but if he insisted on rebuffing you, you’d give up and find some other way to enjoy yourself. Yeah, that sounded like a good plan.
Dog lovers were your weakness, so you couldn’t give up on him completely, not just yet.
You closed the tabs and, checking the time, you realised you still had some leeway before Hatake was free. You needed to come up with your backstory sharpish, because you didn’t have amnesia this time, and people would likely start asking questions about you once lunch hit. Best get your story straight first.
You grabbed a post-it note and jotted down your favourite acronym, MLHH (Money, Love, Health, Happiness), to keep you on target.  
Loving parents, you definitely wanted those. Were they the ones you wanted funding your lifestyle? Hmm, no, how about a rich, eccentric aunt that sent money all the time? Yes, you’d always wanted a fun, rich uncle or aunt to spoil you. Perhaps she had been the one to buy you the house and car. You jotted it all down. You also crafted yourself two best friends and a couple of hobbies, just to enrich your life. As per James’ instructions, you left the academic stuff alone.
“Am I paying you to write details about your own life on post it notes?” A sudden voice from behind made you jump, smacking your knees on the underside of the desk with a bang.
You laughed awkwardly as you came face to face with the man of the hour, Kakashi Hatake, who had chosen a charcoal grey suit for today, giving him an overall monochrome vibe that matched the office building. He was staring at your post it note, unimpressed.
You snatched the note and put it in your pocket. Quick, find some way to change the subject!
“I’ve updated your calendar with more meetings and commitments. This afternoon you only have a phone call with a representative from a company that sells… custom dog bandanas?” You decided not to question it. “The rest of the afternoon is business as usual.”
He watched you for a moment before he nodded, and turned to enter his office door, which was only a few feet from your desk.
“Just so you know,” he said, turning to look at you over his shoulder, “more work is periodically added to your task list, you just need to refresh the page.”
The door slammed shut behind him. You made a frustrated noise. He was so rude, with his annoyingly hot face and perfect voice. God, he got on your nerves like no one else. Ugh, you already regretted deciding to give him a chance.
You refreshed the task list and watched it fill up with new tasks.
Why did you pick a world where you had a job again? Oh yeah, you were playing the long game. The long game sucked.
You spent the rest of the workday completing tasks and flip flopping on whether it was worth trying to chase the plot and romance Hatake. Instinctually you led towards no, but when you remembered how he’d responded to you in the interview, you wavered. Ultimately, your curiosity was too much to resist, so you hatched a plan to spend some time with him.
“Did you have someone sneak you lunch through the window, or have you not eaten yet today?” you asked, waltzing into Hatake’s office at exactly 17:05, coat and bag ready to leave.
Hatake finished whatever he was writing before putting down the pen and giving you a flat look. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business, and I’m certain I told you to knock before coming in.”
“Firstly, the workday ended five minutes ago so you’re not the boss of me anymore. Secondly, that was the clearest no I’ve ever heard. You should make time to eat lunch, you know, it’s good for you.”
“If you don’t have anything of use to say, then leave.” Ugh, why were you dealing with this asshole again?
“Actually, I do.” He raised an eyebrow at you, like he was already dismissing your message. “Get dinner with me.”
That actually seemed to catch him off guard, if only for a moment. You had honestly been wondering if the side of him you glimpsed in your interview was some kind of hallucination, but there was a flicker of that same man now. Unfortunately, although you could see that, you could also see the moment he shut down the reaction and returned to his flat, impassive stare.
“I’m busy this evening—”
“I already moved your appointment to tomorrow morning.”
He narrowed his eyes at you. You didn’t know if it was irritation at your messing with his schedule or at interrupting him, but you did know that you were getting on his nerves. Good.
“And I suppose, if you’re inviting me, then you’re paying?” he challenged. “Fair warning, I have expensive taste.”
‘James, quick, what’s the best restaurant in the area?’
‘Kakashi Hatake often visits a restaurant about two miles from here, called La Liaison. It’s French, and incredibly pricy.’
Right, you tried to remember what you’d seen you your bank details. You could definitely afford one fancy meal; it was affording everything else after that that was the problem.
Hatake’s smug face at your hesitation spurred you on. You wracked your brain for some kind of solution.
‘James, if I decide that my rich aunt sends me large lump sums of money every month, will my bank account automatically replenish by the end of this demo?’
‘Technically, yes, although it will only happen if you choose this dimension permanently, as your rich aunt does not yet exist. You must also remember to speak or write any information you want to be true for it to take effect.’
Perfect. You could wipe that smug look off Hatake’s face, live a bit more frugally for the rest of the demo, and if for some unknown reason you chose to stay here, you’d have your money automatically replenished. You just had to remember to write the details down after dinner tonight.
“Of course, it’ll be my treat,” you smiled, tips tight. “Do you like French food? I heard La Liaison is lovely.”
Kakashi studied you for a moment, like he was trying to figure out what game you were playing. Just as you thought you’d won the little verbal exchange, Hatake sent you a mocking eye smile. “And how are you planning on gaining a reservation at such short notice? The next available evening bookings are for two months from now.”
You tensed up like you’d been dealt a physical blow. Fuck, you forgot about bookings. There was no way you could allow him to win just like that, though. You took a deep breath, porn logic, I believe in you, please help me out, I’m trying to woo him, just as you wanted. Kind of.
“I’m sure it will all work out!” You voice was artificially chipper, and you could tell that Hatake was picking up on your anxiety. “Come on, what’s the harm? Let’s go!”
He watched you evenly. That was one thing you’d noticed about Hatake; he always thought before he spoke, choosing each action and word carefully. It made sense once you considered his childhood and was equal parts sad and irritating.
Just when you thought he was about to refuse and dismiss you, Hatake chuckled and stood, closing his computer and grabbing his suit jacket from the back of his ridiculously dramatic desk chair.
“I’ll have my chauffeur drop us off,” he said, walking to the door. You followed, kind of stunned that he had agreed at all. He locked the office door behind him. “There’s no parking available at this time of day in the town centre.”
You walked through the office side by side, watching your coworkers pack up or work late.
Everyone noticed you two, armed with bags and coats that made it obvious you were leaving together. There were gasps, there was gossiping, there were whispers. The man with the clipboard, who had introduced himself to you as Yamato, looked like he had seen a ghost. Was it really that strange to see this CEO leave work on time, or was it because he was with you?
Hatake paid them no mind, and you tried to do the same.
It was strange that he agreed to join you, but you didn’t get your hopes up that this meant he suddenly liked you. It was more likely that he was coming in order to force your hand. If you were humiliated by there being no tables, or not being able to afford the food you said you could, it would likely stop you from bothering him outside of work again.
You just really, really hoped there would somehow be a table.
Once you arrived at the car park, there was a sleek, black car waiting for you. You weren’t sure if Hatake had somehow called ahead without you noticing, or if his car was already ready for him, but it was very convenient. If the chauffeur was surprised that Hatake had a guest, he didn’t mention it.
The car was so obviously expensive that you felt a little uncomfortable sitting in it. You had never been so conscious of your hand placement in your life. The brat of a CEO didn’t seem to have the same problem, relaxing easily against the leather, looking right at home. He gave the driver the name of the restaurant, and you were off.
You took a moment to beg the pocket dimension that somehow you would be able to get a seat. ‘Porn logic, I’ve always loved and respected you, please pull through for me, just this once! I won’t be able to handle Hatake’s smug grin without punching him in the face.’
‘My name is James, human, and I cannot control these pocket dimensions.’
You snorted, ‘I wasn’t speaking to you James, sorry.’
“What’s so funny?” Hatake asked, breaking the silence. Oh, you had laughed out loud; you had to stop doing that. Were you also doing it when you were with Itachi, but there were just fewer people around to comment on it? Itachi seemed like the sort who would take a lot of weirdness in stride.
“Your face.”
Hatake let out an amused breath, “Are you always so childish?”
“What can I say? You bring out the worst in me.”
“Approximately five minutes until arrival, sir,” the chauffeur said, speaking through a speaker that connected the front and back sections of the car.
“Just Kakashi is fine,” he sighed. “I’ve told you that a hundred times.”
“If you say so, sir.” Hatake rolled his eyes but dropped the issue.
The final five minutes passed it silence.
La Liaison was a small modern building nestled at the very end of the high street, decorated in pastel blue and covered in artificial ivy. The whole building exuded a timeless elegance that made you glad your work dress code was formal. Stepping through the doors, you were welcomed by warm lighting, live piano music, and an impeccably dressed host. This was the exact kind of place you could see Hatake fitting right in.
“Good afternoon, and welcome to La Liaison. Can I take the name on your reservation, please?”
You could practically feel the amusement radiating off the smug asshole behind you as you were faced with the exact situation he had predicted. You just had to go for it. You believed in the porn logic!
(And if it didn’t work you were going to return to your flat with your tail between your legs, make James pull you out of this dimension early, and then ask Itachi for a potion that could remove memories instead of bringing them back.)
“Ah, well, we don’t technically have a reservation, but an acquaintance of mine mentioned that they just had to cancel theirs, so we were hoping there’d be a free table.”
Please work, please work, please work.
The two seconds between your request and the host’s response felt like an agonising eternity. Failure wasn’t an option; you couldn’t lose to your awful boss.
The relief you felt when the host’s face melted into a smile almost knocked you to your knees.
“Is that so? Yes, I just got off the phone with them, you’re lucky no one else has claimed the table yet. If you’ll pass my college your coats, I’ll take you to your table.”
Yes, yes, yes!! You loved porn logic so much. It seemed like anything was fair game as long as it pushed you and Mr. Smug together. Speaking of Mr. Smug, you mouthed ‘I told you so’, as you walked to your table. He did not respond.
The table was, unsurprisingly, very romantic. It was secluded away in the corner, pressed up against a window and yet sectioned from the rest of the restaurant by a divider. The table sat two people, and its white tablecloth was covered in candles and rose petals. Of course, the cancelled reservation was for a romantic date. You weren’t going to complain though; a table was a table.
You both sat down. You briefly debated pulling out the chair for Hatake, but you decided against it at the last minute. You were both handed menus and informed of the soup of the day before the waiter left you in peace. The illusion of privacy helped you relax, despite the stuffy atmosphere.
“An acquaintance, huh?” Kakashi asked, unfolding his napkin and laying it over his lap. He obviously didn’t believe your lie.
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re incredibly annoying?” you said, instead of answering his question.
“Once or twice.”
“Well then,” you shot him a sarcastic smile, “I’m glad you have such honest people in your life.”
“As am I.” The eye smile he sent you this time seemed more genuine, and you had to hold back your laugh.
The conversation faded for a moment as the background chatter from the rest of the restaurant filled the space. It was weird to be here with him, and maybe you were still riding the high of getting a table, but you were already enjoying yourself.
“So… you come here often?” you asked, picking up the menu. You supressed a wince at the prices. “It seems like you’re right at home.”
“It makes for a convenient location to dazzle those who demand such treatment before they’ll sign anything.”
“Ugh, so this is where you take people to schmooze them? Gross.” You flipped over the menu to find the drinks section, only to belatedly realise that the drinks had their own menu already on the table. “I can’t imagine you doing that successfully; you’re so rude.”
“Maybe you just bring out the worst in me.”
The way he reused your words from earlier reluctantly brought a smile to your face. Okay fine. Fine! You’d admit that he was witty, and you had some good chemistry. And he was hot. But that was it! That didn’t mean you were going to fall in love with someone so annoying!
‘I believe you were also interested in his love for dogs, human alpha.’
‘James, I’m trying to live in denial here, and you’re ruining it.’
‘My apologies. Does that mean that I should also refrain from mentioning your obvious obsession with his beauty mark?’
Sometimes, you weren’t sure that James wasn’t an elaborate troll.
Scanning the menu, you decided the vegetarian pasta looked nice. And if it was also the cheapest thing on the menu, well that was just a coincidence. This better be one of the best meals of your life.
Kakashi left his menu completely untouched. Right, he’d been here countless of times to charm people into signing away their money. He was probably treating this dinner as something similar, but with you wanting something from him instead. You doubted he’d believe you if you said you were doing this out of curiosity. But the questioned remained, how could you make this feel different for him?
Suddenly, it hit you; he liked when other people took control. You had an idea.
‘James, can you tell me what Kakashi normally orders from here?’
‘He always orders one of the seafood dishes, accompanied by a white wine.’
Right. Perfect. What you were about to do would be so out of order in real life, but you had plot armour, and honestly you wanted to see what would happen.
When the waiter returned, he directed his, “Are you ready to order?”, towards Kakashi. He probably recognised him if he was a regular, and figured he was schmoozing another hapless soul.
That didn’t fit what you had in mind though.
“Yes, we are,” you said confidently, before Kakashi could speak. “We’ll have a bottle of the Chateau Sixtine Blanc and some still water for the table. For food, I’ll have the vegetarian pasta, and he’ll have the Coquilles Saint-Jacques.”
Kakashi’s stare was intense, but he didn’t intervene. The waiter seemed taken aback that you were ordering for the table, but when Kakashi made no move to dispute what you’d said, he nodded, collected your menus, and left. You expected to be admonished in some way, but Kakashi remained silent.
Drinks arrived quickly. The waiter poured you both a glass of the wine and some water before he was gone again. Kakashi picked up the wine glasses and swirled it dramatically before taking a sip.
When he spoke, you had expected a question about how you found out his usual order, or perhaps a comment on the wine, but no, instead, he was his usual blunt self.
“I wonder what it is you’re hoping to gain from this.”
“That’s fine, you can wonder all you like.”
He sent you a measured look, “Has anyone ever told you you’re incredibly annoying?”
You grinned, “Nope!”
“I see. Well, I hope you’ll be blessed with some honest people in your life soon, I’ve found having them around to be extraordinarily helpful.”
You snorted mid sip of wine, which probably didn’t look attractive. Coughing, you looked up, expecting a judgemental look for behaving such a way in a fancy restaurant, but Kakashi just looked amused.
“Can I ask you a question?” You dabbed your lips with your napkin to soak up any stray wine drops. “What was the deal with that interview? It didn’t seem like you even wanted any applicants there. Was it just some weird form of employment hazing?”
“Simple. I didn’t want an assistant; I work better alone.”
“Then why hold the interview at all?”
“The board of directors were very… persistent. I knew they’d only shut up if I scared off every personal assistant in the city.”
You sent him a searching look, “But you hired me.”
“I did.”
“Why?”
He shrugged, “You had comedy value.”
Comedy value!? This dick.
“Liar,” you shot back. “You just think I’m hot, admit it.”
You got another one of his infuriating eye smiles. “If you say so.” God, you wanted to punch him, and maybe kiss him. Fuck.
“Whatever, just know that it’s your turn to pay for dinner next time, an I’m ordering the most expensive thing I can find.”
“If we go out for dinner too often, people will talk.”
“As if they aren’t already,” you said, referencing the sate of the office you’d left behind. You’d bet that they’d all stayed late to swap theories. “Yamato looked at us like a child who’d just walked in on his parents having sex.”
Kakashi seemed amused, “He would not appreciate that description.”
“That doesn’t make it any less true.”
As the conversation flowed, so did the wine. You were surprised by how much fun you were having. Hatake was a great conversationalist and the rapid-fire banter had you laughing out loud more than once. The food was just as good as you’d hoped as well.
To your utter delight, Hatake’s face turned pink as he drank. So cute. You couldn’t stop yourself from reaching out to feel the warm skin. Kakashi leaned into the hand in an almost nuzzle. You did not expect him to reciprocate. Shocked, you froze, hand still on his cheek.
Hatake seemed surprised too because he suddenly wrenched himself away from you. You pulled your hand back like it’d been burnt.
You’d bet anything that he was touch starved.
“Sorry, Hatake, I don’t know why I—”
“Kakashi,” he muttered, “you can call me Kakashi. Everyone does.”
“Kakashi,” you repeated, sending him a small smile. Maybe he wasn’t so bad. You kind of wanted to lick his face.
Kakashi’s phone buzzed in his pocket, shattering the moment. Disappointingly, he immediately slipped it out of his pocket and checked the message.  You weren’t exactly surprised that he put checking his phone over your conversation, but it was still rude, whether you expected it or not.
Kakashi made an amused noise as he saw the expression on your face. “I only have audible notifications on for important people; I’m just checking to make sure nothing is wrong, there’s no need to look so offended.”
You sputtered, face heating up, “I’m not offended! I was just thinking it was rude to check your phone at dinner.”
“Ruder than ordering for someone else without their permission?”
“Whatever,” you mumbled, crossing your arms. “You liked it.”
Kakashi didn’t acknowledge you as he checked his messaged. You watched his eyes move from side to side as he read, before he eventually barked out a laugh and put the phone away.
“What’s funny?”
“One of my friends evidently found out that I was out to dinner. He has wished us luck on our youthful endeavours.”
You pulled a face at the weird phrasing. “He sounds… interesting.”
“You have no idea,” Kakashi said before emptying his wine glass.
“People seem so surprised about this. You don’t get out much then?”
Kakashi barked a laugh that sounded surprisingly bitter, and then didn’t elaborate. In true erotica love interest fashion, there was something brewing below the surface. Touch starved, orphaned, rich, but lonely, he was about as stereotypical as it got. You wondered if he’d also killed someone like Itachi? Hmm, probably not. This was a modern universe, and there were normally more severe consequences for things like that. It would have at least been mentioned on his wiki page.
By the time you had finished eating, the city outside the window had lit up in the darkness. The traffic had died down once rush hour ended, but the occasional car still passed by. You checked your phone and realised you’d been having dinner with Kakashi for almost two hours.
Your pride didn’t stop you from admitting that the time was flying because you were having fun.
Still, it was getting late, so you waved down a waiter and requested the bill. You were hoping that, seeing as you’d taken charge with ordering, that he would… yes! The waiter put the bill down in front of you instead of Kakashi.
You grinned at him smugly; you’d been assigned dom by wait staff.
He rolled his eyes at you, but you could see the smile on his face.
The bill wasn’t great, but it could have been worse. Clearly you hadn’t managed to keep your grimace supressed completely though because Kakashi noticed.
“Having second thoughts?” He was annoyingly observant.
You had never pulled out your card faster, grateful that you’d found your pin number written down in some old documents in your flat. Kakashi watched you pay, a strange glint in his eyes.
Did he assume you were going to dine and dash and make him pay or something? No… that wasn’t it. His ears had gone red too, and not from the alcohol.
He liked it, you realised gleefully. He liked that you ordered for him. He liked that you paid for him. He liked that you had decided on the place and time and dragged him along. It fit his reaction and it fit his character.
You were certain that most of his acquaintances either saw Kakashi as some kind of aloof, ‘didn’t believe in love’ character, or as a hard dom. And on the surface, sure, you could understand why they thought that, but how could anyone continue to think so once they spoke to him properly, when he was practically crying out for someone to take care of him?
Exhilaration ran through you. Maybe you were in this for more than just curiosity now.
“Come on,” you said, standing. “It’s getting late, and I still need to get my car—Shoot, I’m probably over the limit. I guess it’s a taxi for me then.”
“I can drop you home.” Kakashi stood as well, and you both walked to collect your coats. “It won’t be a problem.”
“Thanks,” you said relieved. You needed to at least try to budget after the amount you just spent on dinner.
Just as you were putting on your coats, Kakashi’s phone ran in his pocket. Remembering what he said about only having important people on vibrate, you remained silent as he took the call. You couldn’t quite make out the murmurs on the other side of the call, but Kakashi didn’t look pleased.
“Right… Okay… And there’s no alternate route? Of course… It can’t be helped, just meet me at the office.”
Did he have a last-minute work obligation perhaps?
“Yes, okay, I’ll see you soon.” He hung up the phone and slipped it into his pocket. “Bad news, there’s been a minor accident on the road and my driver can’t get to us. We can get through on the pedestrian pathways just fine, so we’ll have to go back to the office on foot.”
“Oh, that’s not a big deal, it’s only about twenty minutes, right?” You didn’t understand why he seemed so serious about a minor hold up. Did he think you were going to be mad at him or something? Kakashi relaxed imperceptibly as it became clear that you didn’t mind.
It only occurred to you later, once you were well into the walk, that Kakashi was used to schmoozing a bunch of hoity toity rich people at La Liaison who probably would throw a fit at such a minor inconvenience. Those kinds of people were the worst.
“Why did you ask me to dinner tonight?” Kakashi asked. He spoke casually, but in a way that suggested the casualness was being used to disguise a more serious question.
You knew that he wouldn’t stop until he got an answer that satisfied him, and you didn’t want your relationship to be stained by doubts as to your intentions, so you decided to give him an answer as close to the truth as possible. If you started talking about erotic fiction, he’d probably call some kind of doctor.
“Because you seemed miserable, and I was curious about you. Figured this would kill two birds with one stone. Also, you piss me off, I won’t lie.”
“You took me to dinner because I piss you off?” Kakashi asked, a ghost of a smile on his face. “Is that some kind of fetish or is it a psychological defect?”
You squawked indignantly and tried to hit him on the arm. He dodged it, laughing.
“You’re one to talk! You hired me after I grabbed you by the tie in a job interview. That’s got to be a fetish and a psychological defect!” You shoved him on the shoulder, and he immediately shoved you back, and before you knew it, you were having a children’s battle on the street.
A random woman from across the street gave you a dirty look, you stuck your tongue out at her. Kakashi giggled, like, actually giggled, and that sent you into hysterics.
Maybe you’d had more to drink than you thought.
“You know,” you said, throwing your arm over his shoulder, “next time I take you out, we’re going to McDonald’s. It’s cheaper, and I think it’ll be funny to watch you sit there in your suit. Wait, have you ever been to a McDonald’s before?”
“I’m wealthy, I’m not an alien.” He rolled his eyes at you. He seemed to do that a lot. You couldn’t imagine him sitting in a McDonald’s. “I go every other week because my dogs like the carrot sticks from there.”
“You feed your dogs carrot sticks from McDonald’s?”
“Yep.”
“Have you ever considered, I don’t know, buying a pack of carrots?”
“No, because they like the ones from McDonald’s.”
You shook your head in disbelief. Rich people were crazy. “How many dogs do you have anyway?”
“Eight.”
“EIGHT?!”
Car parks at night, familiar or not, were unnerving in the way that liminal spaces always were. At least you were almost at the office doors, where Kakashi’s chauffeur was going to pick you both up. You were glad to finally get there, because as fun as the walk had been, the Autumn night was surprisingly chilly, and it was taking genuine effort to remember all of Kakashi’s dogs’ names. You were honestly surprised that the porn logic didn’t add any strange occurrences on the walk.
Naturally, the second that thought formed in your head, something happened.
As you passed round the side of a tall fence, your shirt got caught on a stray piece of metal. What would have been a minor inconvenience, barely a rip, in your old reality, was a complete pornographic disaster in this one, as every button on your shirt somehow ripped off, leaving your shirt hanging open.
The cold air hit your skin and goosebumps erupted all over your chest. Yelping, you dragged the pieces of shirt back together and held them firmly closed. Obviously, you weren’t fast enough to stop Kakashi from getting a look. The way he was pointedly looking away from you, rosy cheeked, said it all.
“Stupid fence,” you grumbled, giving it a dirty look. This wasn’t exactly the first time, or even the coldest time, that porn logic had decided to spontaneously strip someone, but it always managed to catch you off guard. Did the people who lived in erotica worlds always carry spare changes of clothes just in case?
“Are you hurt?” Kakashi asked. He sounded a little awkward, but ultimately sincere. It was nice that he’d decided to go for genuine concern over sarcasm, and you decided to do the same.
“I’m fine, it just caught me by surprise. At least it’s dark so no one caught an eye full.”
Kakashi coughed. Okay, no one apart from him.
“I’ll send a message to maintenance in the morning, but for now, I have a spare shirt in my office that you’re welcome to borrow for the evening.”
Huh, what do you know, people did keep spare clothes around. You were about to decline, citing the late hour and the fact that you were wearing a coat that you could do up, when you realised what was happening. You’d bet anything that something sexy would happen if you followed him up to his office.
“That would be great, thanks.” You weren’t going to let this slide from your grip when he was so pretty. And honestly, he was starting to seem like less of an asshole in general. He was fun, traumatised, and had eight dogs, if that wasn’t your type, you didn’t know what was.
Flickering the lights on in his office, Kakashi went into one of the cupboards to look for the shirt while you snooped at the ornaments he had on his shelves. Notably, there were no pictures. You picked up a weird ceramic circle statue and turned it over to see if it did anything cool.
You had passed a security guard on the way up to Kakashi’s office, that looked very intrigued as to why you two were together so late, and why your shirt was ripped open, so you resigned yourself to the rumour mill only getting worse by tomorrow.
“Are you nosy by nature or just interested in my office in particular?”
“Shut up.” You put back the ornament and turned to face him. He was holding the spare shirt in his hand. “You want to fuck me so bad, don’t deny it.”
You expected another eye roll.
“Oh, you have no idea,” he growled, watching you intensely. Oh, that wasn’t an eye roll.
One moment you were staring at him, unsure of what to say, and the next, you were crashing together, lips, tongue, and teeth, in a horny and aggressive kiss. You didn’t know which one of you moved first, you didn’t really care, you only knew that Kakashi was hot and infuriating, and you wanted to kiss him until he couldn’t make that smug face anymore.
Kissing Kakashi was giving you whiplash. He was different to Itachi in every way you could think of. He was confident, aggressive, he fought with you, clashed with you, and he seemed to determined to kiss you twice as hard as you kissed him.
It was obvious that Kakashi’s submission wouldn’t be freely given like Itachi’s, no, you would have to earn it. The challenge scratched at your instincts, and suddenly you wanted to prove to this omega that he could trust you. A good orgasm should lay the groundwork for that.
Both coats were quickly discarded as you kissed, and your ruined shirt fell off moments later.
You had been consciously avoiding his hair in fear of the amount of wax you figured he used to keep that hair style, but one weak moment, as Kakashi’s hips jolted forwards towards yours, you forgot, and ran you fingers through it.
To your surprise, your fingers glided through the soft strands easily. You were so shocked that you broke the kiss. You furrowed your eyebrows as you examined his hair.
“What are you doing?” he panted, confused.
“How the fuck does your hair stay up like that without any hairspray or wax?”
“What?” He sounded baffled. “This is just what my hair looks like. Does it matter?”
“I guess not.”
The kiss resumed, somehow more desperate and aggressive than before. Kakashi grabbed your waist so hard that you could feel the pin pricks from his nails digging into your skin. In return, you made use of your new found knowledge and grabbed a handful of Kakashi’s hair.
You pushed him backwards, never once breaking the rhythm of your kiss, until his upper thighs made contact with the front of his desk. His pot of pens fell as the desk jolted, scattering the expensive pens all over the ground. Neither of you paid it any mind.
When you finally pulled away for air, Kakashi wasted no time, immediately latching onto your neck with reckless abandon. There was something feral about him that was making you hot. He didn’t hold back. You could tell that he was experienced, and he was using every drop of that experience to his advantage.
While he was distracted, you worked on undoing his buttons. It was harder than it looked to remain focused while Kakashi was doing his best impression of a vampire on your neck.
“You have way too many fucking buttons on this shirt.”
“It’s a normal number of buttons,” he murmured against your skin.
“There is literally nothing normal about you.”
“And you say I’m the rude one.”
“That’s because you fucking are.”
Eventually, you managed to undo the last button. Your noise of triumph morphed into a moan as Kakashi nipped around your collar bone. You used his hair to tug him back before loosening his tie and pushing the shirt off his shoulders.
The way his torso looked, bare but with a loose tie hanging over it, unlocked a kink you didn’t know you had. In fact, everything about him was hot. As you dragged the shirt down his arms, you could feel his muscles flexing. Kakashi was strong and broad, and he wore it so well.
You didn’t bother pulling the shirt off all the way, instead letting it bunch at his wrists, acting as a semi-restraint. He tugged at it experimentally, and when he found it restricting his movement, his pupils dilated.
You cooed as you ran your hands all over his naked torse. That’s right, he was a forceful person, certainly, but any shows of dominance were likely performative or learnt behaviours, because this man was a giant sub at heart.
You grabbed his bottom lip between your teeth and pulled it lightly. Kakashi growled at you, but you knew what he was doing; he wasn’t telling you to stop, he was challenging you. You growled back, stronger, louder, and just as you thought, his growling stopped, and his scent took on a delicious hint of submission.
“God, you really are annoyingly hot,” you growled, biting along his jaw. “Emphasis on annoying.”
“Takes one to know one,” he fired back, squeezing your waits.
“Mutual handjob?” you whispered against his skin, already undoing his trousers, before doing the same with yours.
“That the first intelligent thing you’ve said all night.”
“Fuck you.”
You grabbed Kakashi’s muscular thighs and lifted him slightly until he was perched on his desk. A stack of papers tipped over and fluttered to the ground, but that wasn’t a problem for present you, so you happily ignored the chaos in favour of the panting omega in front of you.
You took your dick out from your pants and did the same for Kakashi. They bumped up against each other, searingly hot and unflinchingly hard. You let out a whistle of appreciation at his cock. It was big, bigger than most alphas you’d met, and certainly bigger than any omega’s cock you’d ever seen. In fact, just eyeballing it, he was roughly the same size as you. His shaft was as pale as the rest of him, but the head was an angry red. It was girthy too, and it felt hot and solid in your palm.
Purposefully, you thrust your hips forward, guiding your cock against his with both of your hands. Kakashi moaned, thrusting up to meet you. He could only watch, his hands restrained as they were.
You kept your hands around the dicks, keeping them aligned as you both started to rut against each other. Beads of pre cum quickly made their appearance, which only made everything else feel that much better.
There was something deeply satisfying about what you were doing, especially because you were both still half-dressed. It made it feel desperate, like you couldn’t wait long enough to get your clothes off, too desperately attracted to each other, and had instead chosen to rub off on each other like horny teenagers.
You made out messily while you grinded against each other. Maintaining a consistent pace was a little difficult, especially as things got wetter and wetter, but you managed. There was something sexy about the chaos. The increased sensitivity from being in the erotica world didn’t hurt either.
Your moans and groans increased in frequency as you got closer. If felt like every nerve ending you had was on fire, and Kakashi looked much like you felt, covered in a thin sheen of sweat that was obvious under the hard corporate lighting.
Technically, with it being so bright inside and so dark outside, anyone who happened to glance up would have got a glimpse of you, but you were both too far gone to care.
“You love having someone take control of you, don’t you Kakashi,” you moaned, pressing your lips against his. “You’re tired of always being in control, aren’t you? The big CEO, everyone’s relying on you, but who do you get to rely on? Who looks after you? You want someone to do that, don’t you? You’re a walking, talking CEO stereotype.”
“Who says I’m going to give control to you?” he panted, licking his lips. “Aren’t you getting ahead of yourself?”
“Hmm, nope, I think I’m right on track,” you teased. Already picking up on his proclivity for biting, you gave a bite in return, just shy of where a mating mark might theoretically go. Kakashi gasped, his hands straining at the shirt that restrained them. “I’ll get you to submit to me properly, one day.”
“We’ll see.”
The alcohol and the increased sensitivity were mixing together to make this tryst shorter than expected, but Kakashi seemed to be in the same boat, so you couldn’t bring yourself to care. The banter ceased as the final stretch towards your orgasms started.
As your ending approached, you bent down and sealed your lips with Kakashi’s once more. Suddenly, everything crested, and pleasure flowed over you in waves. Your thrusts got sloppy, but neither of you cared. Kakashi came with a guttural moan. His stomach muscles flexing in a hypnotic dance.
The extra cum afforded by the porn logic soaked both your dicks and your hands, staining both pairs of trousers too. It dripped onto the carpet, and if the security guard didn’t spread a rumour about you and Kakashi hooking up, one of the cleaners probably would.
Some of Kakashi’s cum had even landed on the spare shirt, so you now had a choice between a torn shirt, or one covered in cum to match your stained trousers. Great. Why did horny you always make such bad decisions?
You and Kakashi remained leaning against each other for a while, just catching your breaths and marvelling at how fast your relationship had move. You wouldn’t have believed it if someone had told you during your interview that you’d end up grinding on that asshole’s desk a few days later.
‘I would have believed it.’
‘Thanks, James.’
Kakashi opened his mouth to speak, but the door to his office suddenly opened, cutting him off. You both stiffened, snapping up to face the intruder like a pair of deer in headlights.
There, standing in the doorway with the expression of a man who was entirely done with life, was Kakashi’s chauffeur. Instead of an apology of any kind, the man just sighed.
“The car is downstairs when you are ready. Please try and clean up before getting in, the leather won’t forget these kinds of smells easily.” With that, he left, shutting the door firmly behind him.
You and Kakashi looked at each other, then to the door, and then to each other, before you both burst out laughing.
What a way to end the night.
Next Chapter
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sammiesallow · 1 year
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Sebastian Sallow headcanons
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summary- dating headcanons with Sebastian. a/n- all my personal opinion! cw's- mentions of violence/blood, use of crucio, angry Sebastian
the jealous type. we all know this.
he gets so jealous when you spend time with Garreth, but then you reassure him it's ok :)
"I could never replace you with anyone else seb, you're my pretty boy"
melts at that btw.
nicknames galore!! he wants to call you everything and he expects it back from you too
'angel, darling, honey, sweetheart, pretty boy.
"you think I'm pretty? really?" "of course I do, Seb."
he gives you the most blinding smile you have ever seen. absolutely adorable
y'all are so loving?? he is definitely a lover of pda, doesn't mind holding hands, a hand on the thigh(not in an intimate way, just for some physical touch :D), a kiss on the cheek, etc.
Sebastian is always touch-starved and craves attention from you. even a look in his direction or a "Hi Darling!" as you're passing him in the hallway will have him smiling like an idiot for the rest of the day
more intimate moments are shared in private, however, like in the undercroft.
Merlin knows those paintings, gargoyles, suits of armor, even the floo flames lady will eavesdrop on y'all and tattletale to a professor if you do anything more than share a kiss on the cheek.
Sebastian loves you with all his heart. he couldn't bear the thought of you getting hurt or worse
every time you leave the castle, please send him an owl. it lets him know where you're going and it tells him you're safe.
he's worried sick if you come back with even the slightest scratch.
"Merlin's beard! darling, are you alright? are you hurt anywhere? do you want me to kiss it better???" he says as you come into the undercroft with one scratch on your face LOLL
it's all fun and games until someone hurts you. let's say you're on a quest together, somewhere in a cave and you two get ambushed. it would probably go like this:
"Diffindo!" an Ashwinder threw out the spell in your direction, hitting your abdomen and leaving a large gash in its wake. Sebastian yelped, not having noticed your state, and threw a quick "arresto momentum!" in the enemy's way to stall their time. "merlin! are you alright-" Sebastian stopped all movement when he saw you- you were hunched over in pain, groaning as you tried to stop the bleeding coming from the gash on your side. At that moment, he felt nothing but pure and unbridled rage. "you BASTARD!" Sebastian turned to the Ashwinder, (who was quite literally about to cast Avada kedavra on him) and cast crucio. nobody touches his girlfriend.
that's definitely one of his red flags.. he has anger issues, and won't hesitate to hurt someone if they hurt you. it's kinda endearing though
speaking of red flags- I'm not gonna ignore them? we all love him but he does have negative traits that will show through in y'alls relationship.
He's overly possessive and gets super upset when another boy tries to flirt with you. if you don't say something to the guy- sebastian will; and i dont think you want that.
he's not very in-touch with his emotions. he has a hard time expressing his feelings because of a) his insecurities and b) his ego.
but on a more positive note, you help him through these things!
meeting ominis and becoming friends with him gave you the opportunity to ask another person about sebastians troubles, and you can confide in him for advice when you need it!
you're sebastian's sunshine- quite literally. you help him through his tough times, and on a regular day, you brighten his mood imensely.
ON TO THE CUTER RELATIONSHIP STUFF!!!
HE WANTS TO CUDDLE YOU.
if he's tired he becomes 100% more affectionate- which means cuddles in the undercroft, his head on your shoulder in class, a hand on your under the table at dinner, etc.
Sebastian isn't the brightest, but if he has a class with you, he'll listen to anything you have to say.
he adores your smarts- whether or not you're actually smart is up to you, but it's not like he'll care. you could be the dumbest mf in the world and he'll still be proud of you!
he's your cheerleader! in crossed wands, the broom race against imelda, summoner's court, even an arm wrestling contest, he's there to cheer you on
it's because he never had someone to do that for him- losing his parents at such a young age, he didnt have cheerleaders to be proud of him through his achievments, so he does it for you!
in return, you take him on cute little dates!
little picnics in the vivarium are his favorite. he loves the feeling of laying of the grass and cloudgazing with you.
you know he needs to relax- so it becomes a regular thing for you two to sneak off to the room of requirement.
the undercroft is still a regular hang-out, usually used for absolute tomfoolery.
i mean, you sebastian and ominis will have stupid competitions all the time.
"let's see who can cast confringo the farthest!!" "Sebastian no!!" "Sebastian yes!"
chaos trio.
more importantly, chaos duo.
you enable his stupid ideas and make sure that he does them safely.
unless it's something stupidly unsafe- then you'll have to lure him back to the undercroft with cuddles and kisses. <3
A/N- MY REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!! pls send me ideas!! :)
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yandere-sins · 5 months
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Hi, I saw that your request were open and that you want to write more ab Vil from TWST so I wanted to request him making his kidnapped darling try on the clothes he got for her or giving her a makeover if she wants more insecure before he took her (also I love your writing so much ♥️♥️♥️)
Thank you for requesting my little prince ♥ I hope you enjoy it!
Warning: Yandere, Sexual Content
»»———————— ♡ ————————««
Vil thought for a moment as he watched you standing on the pedestal, surrounded by mirrors that allowed him to see all sides of you.
Stiffly, awkwardly, with your hands curled into fists. Tears ruined some of your make-up, your eyes puffy, and your lips chewed on. You strictly avoided any glance into the mirrors as if the sight of yourself was too much to bear. Instead, you stared daggers at him, the scowl creating wrinkles on your lovely face, yet Vil had no other choice than to describe you as utterly...
Beautiful.
If he had to guess, you had been over playing dress-up with him after the third outfit. But when you didn't show the proper excitement about your new wardrobe, Vil continued putting new outfits together regardless of your opinion. Now at number thirteen, a floor-length, purple, flowy dress with two high slits on either side of your legs and the sweetest of necklines, he had found his personal favorite for you.
"Stunning," he sighed, pleased with the gratifying view in front of him. Nothing he put on you had come close to how beautifully this dress accentuated your body, every movement accompanied by a flowing swish or draping of the fabric that left nothing and everything to one's imagination. He would have praised himself for picking out the right outfit to suit you, but Vil was no liar. It was you who suited the outfit, not the other way around.
"Are we done now?" you asked with gritted teeth, and Vil tsked at your raised shoulders and hunched back while you bottled up your anger.
His eyes snapped from your body to yours, the darkest flames of hatred burning in them, accompanied by... insecurity. True, you might detest him for the rigid regime of perfection he put you through. You were his new project, his muse, his obsession. But Vil had no problem fighting your fire with passion, your lips always soft, no matter how harsh your words could be.
However, he drew the line at your insecurity.
"Turn around and show me the back," he ordered, rising from his lavish, cushioned chair reserved only for him. To admire you, watch his most precious possession from the comfort worthy of the housewarden. But it would never measure up to the fluttering feelings in his stomach, the jittering of his fingers, and the faltering breaths in his lungs from being near you. No comfort was greater than the excitement of standing beside you, close enough to smell you, almost touching. If only you knew how much you were ruining Vil by simply existing, surely you'd have wholly and utterly destroyed him by now. He would have let you.
"I don't want to--"
"Turn. Around."
Your complaint fell on deaf ears, and it almost broke his heart to see you lower your gaze away from his in what Vil could only assume was defeat and fear. One of these days, he'd let go of the leash he held you so tightly with, but only when you were ready to stand next to him proudly. When you were ready to take the control from him—and he was ready to give the control over him up to you.
Not a day Vil thought would come soon, but one he would never have expected to anticipate quite so eagerly.
Until then, he'd be the one to guide you, fingertips slipping under your chin when you tried to avoid your reflection in the mirror. You gripped the fabric of the dress tightly, trying to hold on to something as your fear began to rake its nasty claws through your captivating mind. Vil knew he couldn't stop these thoughts from appearing, but he'd play his part in annihilating them. He couldn't understand how you could fear something as perfect and wonderful as you were, but he knew you well enough to see the signs of you slipping from your feisty self to the one you didn't like as much.
"Look at you, Darling. See how dazzling you are."
"I am not!"
"You are! Take a look—for me."
Your jaw remained firm against his fingertips even when Vil applied pressure. He saw no betterment of your posture or any tension slipping out of your shoulders, and he sighed. It wasn't his first time having to coerce you, and it certainly wasn't going to be the last.
Grabbing a tissue from a nearby box, he stepped around you, blocking your view of the mirrors with his body while wiping off the ruined mascara from your cheeks. Your lipgloss was always at the ready in his pocket, a little trinket when he had to be away from you and missed you and your lips.
You might have flinched back from his efforts, but even a smear of lipgloss was easily fixed by his skilled hands, the product evenly distributed with a kiss. It brought back that adorable scowl of yours, but at least for a moment, you were distracted enough to look up at him again.
And there you were, his perfect, strong-willed darling that could shatter his whole world.
He leaned forward, unable to hold back kissing that defiant mouth of yours even when you stemmed your hands into his chest. The cherry flavor of the lipgloss was exquisite, as was the flustered expression. There was nothing unlovable about you, his hands brushing along your sides with all the discipline Vil could muster to not rip that beautiful dress off your body and make you come undone until you'd see your own beauty in the chaos he'd create with you.
"Now, please, if you would," Vil mused, reluctant to part, yet set on his mission of proving your worth to you. Brushing his thumb briefly over your forehead to remind you of your wrinkles, he stepped behind you again, hands never leaving your curves. You tried to lower your face almost immediately to avoid looking forward, but this time, one of his hands wrapped around your chin faster than you could react, keeping your head locked in place. Your eyes darted side to side, up and down, but Vil was patient. This was a matter of patience to him, not a matter of effort.
You were beautiful without any effort applied. From the moment he met you, inside and out, he knew you were beautiful. Worthy to stand beside him. Worthy of ruining him. To break apart this carefully structured image of himself. Only you could allow him to truly be who he was—a lover. Obsessive and possessive, but a lover regardless. A lover of arts, beauty, and you. His only task was to make you understand your place in life and the power you had deep inside you.
"Please," he reiterated, shaking your head curtly to make you refocus your attention on what he wanted you to do. You inhaled deeply before finally caving to his demands. Beautiful and strong-willed as you were in defying him, you were just as exquisite when you ceased the resistance and relied on him, soothing that suppressed part of his that wanted to be needed and loved by you desperately.
"I look..." you mumbled, fighting against his grip on your jaw. For a moment, he could see the flames of fight in your eyes, and Vil readied himself with the tingle of excitement in his stomach. But then the fire dimmed before vanishing completely, your gaze slipping down your body.
"Okay... I guess."
"Okay?!" Vil couldn't help the appalled gasp escaping him as he repeated your judgment of yourself. No matter how many times he fought your demons with you, it never ceased to surprise him how cruel they were. There you stood, a marvel and a star reborn as a whole galaxy, and thought of yourself as just 'okay'?
You could have very well gouged out his eyes and rammed a dagger in his stomach with how much that hurt him.
"Look at you! Look again!" Vil demanded, and you winced, his sudden grip on your hair forcing you to look up as he pushed you toward the mirror. "This is a gift! You are stunning, marvelous, to keel over for!"
"It's fine! It's a nice dress! Vil that hurts--!"
"No, not the dress, love! You! You are stunning and beautiful, do you understand?"
Your face contorted into a pained grimace as you tried to brace yourself against the mirror with one hand, the other reaching to the one lodged in your hair. Drastic situations needed drastic measures, and Vil would never be too shy to do what he had to make you understand your worth.
"I- I understand!" you finally gave in, and his hand was gone before you knew it, the pained sensation replaced with a swift turning your body around and a kiss to take your breath away.
"Say it," Vil mustered in between kisses, caging your body between the mirror and his, his hands falling to your thighs, running higher, thankful for the slits in the dress. On second thought, he could never have you wear it in public—it was much too revealing. No one should ever look at what was only his. But for his private enjoyment, this was perfect, and Vil was happy to show you just how stunning you were with the help of the indulgent dress.
"I'm pretty."
"Beautiful."
"I'm beautiful."
"Gorgeous, mesmerizing."
"Gorgeous—ah!"
His grip on your ass made you lose your concentration for a moment, but when Vil's teeth grazed your lips in warning, you remembered the mantra he was going on about. "Mesmerizing..." you mumbled, breath hitching as he massaged your backside.
"You are, baby. So stunning, the most dazzling creature in this world."
Prying himself away from your lips cost Vil most, if not all, of his hard-earned discipline, but he was far from done with you. He knew that if he didn't burn these opinions into your mind, they'd disappear and leave another hole for you to sink into. He was not going to allow that.
"Look at you," he ordered, turning you around again to face the mirror, pressing your face against it until your hot breath fogged the surface. 
"Don't stop looking while I show you how beautiful you are."
You didn't seem to expect anything, much less to see the proud and proper housewarden sink to his knees behind you. But there was beauty to be shown in your most vulnerable moments, and a dress was so easily pushed aside, giving him access to the space he forbade you to hide with any underwear.
He checked one more time if you were looking, both pleased and angry, that your eyes had fallen on him instead of yourself, wide open and with a hint of surprised anticipation of what he was going to do next. But you'd be looking straight ahead soon enough because what he was about to do would make you forget all your hesitations and insecurities, leaving only room to realize your true, amazing, stunning self.
After all, his tongue could do much more than speak words you barely believed. It could also make you see what you truly were when you were most vulnerable:
Beautiful.
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csuitebitches · 1 year
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On Being Socially Accepted / Well Liked
Human beings are sociable animals. No matter the degree of sociability, there’s a part of us that wants to be loved, nurtured and accepted by those around us.
I didn’t want to make a guide of how one should be likeable, because if you think a little - from all the people you like, do you like them for the same reason? Not necessarily. You may like one friend for their humour; another for being a solid person thick and thin; a third for their extroverted personality… we’re all different and should be!
Now, you may have certain qualities that you want in all your relationships, regardless of the person. For instance, I’m very adamant about transparency and loyalty. Loyalty to me doesn’t mean standing up for me even if I’m wrong - it means caring for me enough to tell me I’m wrong. However, these qualities wouldn’t make you likeable per se - they would make you accepted within a social circle.
So how does one become likeable?
1. Ease up on the doormat culture
You’ll notice that most of the people you like are capable of having an independent opinion and thought. People pleasers may come across as inauthentic and dicey, especially the ones who change their opinion to agree with the majority. So start cutting out the people pleasing behaviour.
2. Have hobbies
You’ll generally gravitate more towards someone who seems to have their life together as opposed to someone who doesn’t. I’m always keen to talk to someone who does something a little different in their free time. I remember talking to a physicist who also wrote poetry - I was very intrigued by his work, and I invited him to my NYE party along with his girlfriend.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with not having your life together as long as you’re at least trying to make it better. Hobbies don’t have to be expensive. It’s also a better way to expand your circle- not all your friends will enjoy pottery or tennis, for instance.
3. On emotional/ trauma dumping
The worst people to guide you in life, my father always told me, are your friends. Blind leading the blind.
Your friends may have a good heart but not necessarily good advice. Keep the trauma dumping to a minimal unless your friend is okay with you sharing more. Bear in mind that even as a listener, when you hear someone’s traumatic experiences, you may feel emotionally overwhelmed.
Never share your private experiences, current situations, drama, problems, gossip with acquaintances or friends who you’re not particularly close to. Trust me, it can be tempting to engage in catty behaviour but there’s a good chance it’ll bite you in the ass.
4. Figure out your strengths
I know what I bring to the table when it comes to friendship - gentle honesty, alternative solutions and perspectives to issues and I’m always a planner.
One of my friends is a blunt critic and I always speak to her when I know I need a reality check about life.
Another friend is very non judgemental, she’s the one I open up to about the weird things I think of.
A third friend is my party friend, who is 100% the life of the party and I love his energy.
We can’t share the same relationship with everyone. Understand your strengths and hone them.
5. Likeable people don’t care about being likeable
Become detached from this idea of “I want to be liked.” Rather than that, I feel the statement “I want relationships who accept me for who I am” make more sense. As you grow older, you’ll realise that this teenager definition of popularity is nothing but inauthentic bullshit. You deserve friends who care for you and cheer you on.
The idea of “I want to be liked/ popular” also low-key reeks of desperate behaviour. It shows that you don’t really care about your thoughts or opinions as long as you’re accepted and you’re ready to modify your opinions to fit in. That’s the worst way to making friends because you literally can’t be yourself.
6. Yes, looks do matter
Looks do matter to a degree. I don’t mean that in a sense of physical features - I mean it from a sense of grooming.
I’ve noticed that people will be taken more seriously if you look a certain way. That doesn’t mean you have to buy stuff until your money runs out - it just means being at a healthy weight, dressing well, practicing personal hygiene.
7. Observational skills
Whenever I’m at an event and I notice someone feeling left out, I go and talk to them.
I remember being in the shoes long ago and feeling uncomfortable going to places. So when I see someone in the same position, I try to be the person I wanted at that point of time.
It’s important to have keen observation skills but what’s even more important is dealing with it subtly. I remember a girl at a party wearing a dress with the price tag still attached to the neckline at the back. I casually went over, put a hand on her back, discreetly whispered that her tag was out, should I put it back in? She said yes, and I put the the tag inside her dress without people around us noticing me. Discretion is a must in life. Don’t shout your good deeds- do them, don’t get flattered by compliments when people tell you that you were nice, and just play it off like it’s not a big deal.
8. Being impolite
I read a study that polite people are harder to connect with. Overly polite people can be seen as boring and that you need more energy to talk to them because the conversation only revolves around a few “polite” topics (studies, career, life in general, how nice the establishment is, the weather, common friends… surface conversation). I’m not saying don’t be considerate - I’m saying don’t be overly polite. Don’t be over accommodating to other people. You can disagree with things respectfully. You can share a different perspective or crack a joke.
9. What are you like?
Are you better one on one or in groups?
I’m a much better person one on one. I resonate with people better when we have a conversation - when it’s a group, it’s just the usual hi-hellos.
You may prefer groups, if one on one conversations seem too vulnerable.
How do you figure this trait out? Ask yourself a simple question : if you had a meet a new person, would you rather meet them alone at a cafe or at a party with your friends?
Figuring this out is important because it gives you a sense of the relationships you value and how you can take them forward.
10. A balanced ratio of talking and listening
Try to listen more than you can talk. This advice is useless if you’re talking to an introvert. With most introverts I’ve noticed that they WILL talk to you - as long as they don’t have to make the first move. Once you set the ball rolling, they’re happy to talk.
So you have to understand how and when to switch being an active listener and speaker.
A simple generalised guide:
When dealing with extroverts: ask basic/ generic/ yes or no questions, give opposing opinions (most extroverts are generally up for a challenge) and listen more in the beginning, switch to talking more later.
When dealing with introverts: again, ask questions but you can make them more subjective than objective, less generic and definitely no yes/no questions. Talk more in the beginning and then listen more later, to make them comfortable.
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nomercymaster11 · 5 months
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Turbulent Currents
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Author's note: I've been trying to divert myself from unnecessary emotions, so I attempted to craft a lengthy story. So, basically, the story will once again revolve around the Heart Pirates, joined by the Straw Hat Pirates. It's an open narrative, and I'm not adhering to any timeline from the original One Piece story. I've been contemplating various scenarios that have been on my mind for quite some time, and I aim to connect them into a cohesive storyline. The story below has a sad tone. I suggest to play "The World's Continuation" by Ado while reading.
The sun hung low in the sky, casting a warm golden hue over the Heart Pirates' ship as it anchored near a secluded island. Tension lingered in the air, palpable and suffocating. The crew moved about the deck; their usual camaraderie replaced by an unsettling quiet. Among them, you stood, your eyes locked in a fierce gaze with Trafalgar Law.
The argument had been fierce, echoing through the ship like a tempest. It all revolved around a perilous mission, an expedition into a dangerous territory to retrieve a mystical artifact crucial for the Heart Pirates' plans. You, a key member of the crew, held the key to success. Yet, your disagreement with Law had escalated beyond the realm of a mere difference in strategy. It became a clash of ideologies, a storm of conflicting opinions.
The scene was set on the deck, a battleground where words were the weapons of choice. Law, his demeanor usually composed, couldn't contain the frustration in his eyes. His gestures were sharp, hands punctuating each argument as he tried to make you see reason.
"You're jeopardizing the entire mission with your reckless ideas! This artifact is our only chance," Law exclaimed, his voice cutting through the air like a blade.
Your response was equally defiant, fueled by a sense of principle. "I won't compromise our morals for the sake of some artifact. There has to be another way."
The exchange continued, each word deepening the chasm between you and the captain. As the argument reached its zenith, something inside you snapped. The weight of the disagreement, the burden of being the linchpin in this perilous plan, became too much.
As the sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky with hues of orange and pink, you stood at the precipice of a life-altering decision.
Bepo, the polar bear mink and loyal member of the Heart Pirates, approached with a furrowed brow, his usually jovial demeanor replaced by concern.
"Please, don't go," he implored, his voice laced with sincerity.
The deck was crowded with crew members, their gazes shifting uncomfortably between you and Law. Bepo's furry hand gently reached for your shoulder, a plea for reconsideration.
"I can't stay, Bepo. Our ideals are just too different," you replied, your voice betraying the internal turmoil. The moonlit deck became a stage for the silent struggle within the Heart Pirates.
Bepo's eyes held a mixture of sadness and frustration. "But you're family. We need you for this mission. Law needs you."
A heavy sigh escaped your lips, and you shook your head. "I can't compromise who I am for the sake of a mission. There has to be another way, and I can't follow blindly when our principles clash."
As the exchange unfolded, other crew members gathered, their expressions torn between loyalty to their captain and concern for a comrade. The ship, usually alive with the sounds of camaraderie, now bore witness to a somber scene.
In the midst of this, Trafalgar Law remained aloof, his gaze fixed on the distant horizon. Bepo, not one to be easily deterred, approached Law with a sense of urgency.
"Captain, please reconsider. We can't afford to lose them," Bepo urged, his tone a blend of respect and desperation.
Law, however, remained stoic, his eyes reflecting the conflict within. "This mission is bigger than any one person. We can't afford distractions."
"But they are not just a distraction! They're a vital part of this crew," Bepo argued, his plea echoing the sentiments of the crew members gathered on the deck.
Law's silence hung heavy, a cold barrier between him and the crew. The ship, once a symbol of unity, now felt divided by a rift that seemed insurmountable. As you turned away, stepping onto the island, the ship's departure signaled the beginning of a solitary chapter, leaving behind a fractured crew grappling with the aftermath of a heated exchange and the departure of a crucial member.
The island embraced you with its tranquil solitude, offering a momentary refuge from the storm of emotions that raged within. As the Heart Pirates' ship vanished over the horizon, the lush foliage and calming sounds of the island became witnesses to your contemplation.
Seeking shelter for the night, you stumbled upon a small, abandoned cottage nestled in the heart of the island. The wooden structure, weathered by time and forgotten by its inhabitants, seemed like a silent companion for your troubled thoughts.
Entering the cottage, the air was thick with a musty scent, a testament to the passage of time. Moonlight filtered through the cracks in the wooden walls, casting ethereal patterns on the dusty floor. The silence within was broken only by the distant rustle of leaves and the occasional night sounds of the island.
Alone with your thoughts, you sank onto a creaky wooden chair, your mind replaying the events on the Heart Pirates' ship. The argument with Law echoed in your ears, and the pain of leaving a crew you considered family weighed heavily on your heart.
In the dim light, you traced the contours of a faded portrait on the wall - a depiction of happier times, the crew united in laughter and camaraderie. The faces of Bepo, Penguin, Shachi, and Law stared back at you, a stark reminder of the bonds that now seemed strained.
The ache in your chest intensified as you recalled the concern in Bepo's eyes, the futile attempts to persuade you to stay. The memory of Law's stoic refusal to reconsider gnawed at you, leaving you feeling adrift in a sea of unresolved emotions.
A heavy sigh escaped your lips as you stared out of a cracked window at the moonlit landscape. The gentle rustling of leaves outside seemed to carry the weight of your contemplation.
"Why does it hurt so much?" you whispered to the empty room, the words hanging in the air.
The sense of loss, not just of a mission but of the camaraderie you had cherished, enveloped you like a shroud. The realization that your principles had driven a wedge between you and the crew you held dear stung deeply.
As the night wore on, the cottage became a haven for your introspection. The pain of departure mingled with the longing for resolution, and the moon cast its soothing light on a soul wrestling with the complexities of loyalty and self-discovery.
In the silence of the abandoned cottage, you found solace amid turmoil, grappling with the echoes of the past and the uncertainty of the future. The island, though a temporary refuge, became a silent witness to the profound journey of introspection that unfolded within the confines of the forgotten dwelling.
-----------------------
The Heart Pirates sailed away from the island, leaving behind the echo of a fractured camaraderie. Onboard, the crew moved about with a palpable heaviness in the air. Bepo, his usually cheerful demeanor replaced by a somber expression, gathered the crew for a discussion in the dimly lit common area.
Penguin and Shachi exchanged glances; their concern mirrored in the eyes of the crew members who had become a tight-knit family. Bepo, as the first mate, cleared his throat, his voice carrying a weight that reflected the gravity of the situation.
"Why does it have to end this way? we really can't just let them go," Bepo stated, his voice a mixture of determination and worry. "They're family."
Law, leaning against the wall with crossed arms, glanced at Bepo with a stoic expression. "We can't afford to let personal feelings interfere with the mission."
Bepo, torn between loyalty to the crew and understanding Law's perspective, finally asked the question that lingered in the air. "Are we continuing without them, Captain?"
Law, his jaw clenched, nodded. "Yes, but we'll need to adjust the plan. We can't let emotions compromise our objective."
With a heavy heart, the crew dispersed, each member grappling with the aftermath of the departure. As Law walked away, his façade of strength began to waver. The weight of the decision, the rift in the crew, burdened his shoulders more than he let on.
He entered his quarters, the dim light revealing the weariness etched on his face. Before going to his desk, Law found himself drawn to the closed door of your room. A moment of hesitation passed before he entered, the air within laden with memories of shared laughter and camaraderie.
The room was a silent testament to the bond that had been fractured. Law sat on the side of the bed, his gloved hands clenching the fabric. In the stillness, he found himself in deep contemplation, the sting of regret piercing through his strong façade.
"I hope you find what you're looking for," Law whispered to the empty room, the words carrying a weight of unspoken emotions. The room, once filled with your presence, now felt hauntingly empty. As Law sat there, surrounded by the echoes of the past, the ship sailed on, carrying the Heart Pirates forward into an uncertain future.
To be continued...
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zsakuva · 18 days
Text
~THE ZSAKUVA INBOX~
Welcome, my crumpets, to the ZSAKUVA inbox! This will be open for anyone who would like to submit any questions regarding the Sakuverse in general, characters, plots, and settings!
Alternatively, you can ask me about writing, my own opinions on certain topics, or simply send a message for me to read which doesn’t require a response!
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
Please read these rules before submitting, as I will not reply to any messages containing the following:
No personal questions 
When the next audio of a Sakuverse character will be released
If there will be more audios of a Sakuverse character
Questions about all Sakuverse characters as a whole (what every Sakuverse character/Listener thinks about, reacts to, etc)
More rules may be added upon further use of the inbox.
Please bear in mind that I will not answer every message I receive for various reasons, including but not limited to:
Being too subjective
Being too vague
Something I’ve already answered
If I genuinely don’t know the answer
Topics that might be explored in future content
Here, I will update a list of Frequently Asked Questions:
Can I write fanfiction/create fanart about the Sakuverse?
Yes! 
Writing, fanart, and any kind of transformative work is completely fine, and you don't need to ask for my permission! I love seeing your creations, and it encourages me to continue doing what I'm doing to provide y'all with more stories to write about. I think it's a nice little cycle, so by all means, go for it!
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
I can't wait to read your messages!
Love, King Crumpet <3
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grandlinedreams · 6 months
Note
hi is it possible to request a good old (modern) coffee shop au with a little twist of law being a barista and reader being a regular customer….. like how he would ask them out in this situation and stuff like that
also i sure hope youre not tired of writing for the same character over and over again but damn you capture laws personality so well im jealous lmao
OH BLESS i love me a good coffeeshop au, they're always so cute :(( and i'm absolutely not tired of writing for Law, that man rattles around in my brain on the daily ㅡ I hope that this is to your liking!!
[Heads up!: coffeeshop!au, Shachi and Penguin being the worlds silliest guys, law is a little oblivious, fluff!]
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"Oh look, it's your favorite customer."
Law doesn't like the sly look on Penguin's face, the grin that promises trouble even as Law turns at the chime of the little cluster of bells above the cafe door.
"Hey, [Name]!" Shachi greets you, and Law doesn't like the look on his face either.
"Hey guys," you say as you approach, fluffy white samoyed pressing into your side, tail swaying gently. "Hope you don't mind me bringing Bepo in."
"Nah," Shachi produces a treat from beneath the counter near the service case, kept tucked away for the occasional four legged visitors like Bepo. "You know we love him."
"Some of us love more than just Bepo," Penguin intones and Law's eyes flick to him and narrow in warning, but his coworker only grins.
"Okay..." Your tone is polite despite the confusion on your face, and you refocus on Law. "Could I get my regular, please?"
A small smile tugs at Law's lips, expression softening. "Sure."
There's snickering from behind him that makes him want to chuck the tip jar at the duo, but he resists in favor of waving off the little folded bundle of cash that you try to hand him. "On the house."
"Really?" Your head tilts. "Odd, wasn't it like that last time?" Law flinches, but you're still smiling, and he watches you drop the money into the tip jar. "I feel bad if I don't give something."
You pull away from the counter before he can protest, Bepo padding alongside you as you take your usual seat at the tiny couch tucked in the corner.
"Dude," Penguin intones from behind him, clapping him on the shoulder. "You are so whipped."
Law has watched you come in to the Polar cafe nearly every day for the last two months. It's hard not to develop a sense of camaraderie when you see someone that often, and despite his best efforts, he has to admit that it's shifted into a want for something more romantic towards you. The problem is, of course, that he has no idea how you feel.
Penguin and Shachi, having witnessed this go on for the last two months, are of the opinion that he's worried about nothing and that his feelings are mutual.
"Law, they come to this cafe every day and ask for you. They said you make the best latte."
"There's also like six other cafes closer than this one and they come here. Pretty sure they like you too."
Law still worries. He's gotten used to your company, enjoys it ㅡ he doesn't want to ruin what the two of you have if he's misreading things.
"When's my turn to get cute little foam animals in my stuff," Penguin whines as he watches Law do his best to shape little white ears into the foam.
"Gotta find someone who likes you, dude." Shachi dodges the halfhearted swipe from Penguin.
"There are plenty of people who like me."
"Online doesn't countㅡ"
"Shut up, both of you." Law cuts in, banter making it hard to focus on getting the eyes shaped right. Both men peer at the cup.
"Is that Bepo?"
"Looks more like a polar bear."
"Shut up."
He sets the cup down on the tray carefully before he snatches a napkin and a marker, bent over his work to keep the pair of troublemakers from seeing.
They watch him pick up the order and the napkin, and Penguin turns towards Shachi. "Five bucks says he's asking them out."
"No way, he's a chicken."
"Here you go," Law says, announcing his presence before he sets down the cup and you turn from where you'd been cooing over Bepo, eyes flicking to the cup.
"Oh," you say, "is that Bepo?" Law nods, nervous ㅡ and then you beam. "It's so cute, I almost don't want to drink it."
The real Bepo yawns beside you, watching Law with dark, round eyes before pillowing his head on your lap. He watched you reach for the napkin and his heart leaps ad he moves to leave.
"Excuse me," you call and he stills, turning on his heel to face you once more. Your expression is amused as you hold up the napkin that he'd carefully written his number on, along with the question he's been wanting to ask you for weeks. "Gonna ask me out and then run away before I answer? Seems pretty rude."
"Depends on your answer," he responds, and you laugh.
"I thought it'd have been obvious that I like you, Law." Your eyes gleam. "You're the only one who makes my drink and I come here to see you."
"Oh," Law says, and though Penguin and Shachi were right, he's not about to admit that. "So..."
"What time do you get off? We can talk about that date."
A smirk tugs at his lips. "I get off in five minutes."
You beam. "Perfect."
(A week later when Law finally tells Penguin and Shachi that he's leaving early for his second date with you, Penguin gleefully ends up five dollars richer.)
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mncxbe · 9 months
Note
Hi please could you write some comfort for aku? i need it after this episode 😭😭
Yes get it I literally bawled my eyes out all evening after watching that episode. Like I knew it was gonna happen but still😭😭 Ok so enjoy♡♡ it's a bit angsty at the beginning but bear with me. it gets better
00:01☆
𝑨𝒌𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂 𝒙 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓
𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: comfort♡/ angst
𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: soft Aku
The bruises on Akutagawa's body have already turned purple by the time he got back to the headquarters. But he didn't care about the cuts and marks that now adorned his pale skin, nor about the fact that he almost lost his life in battle; all that mattered was that he came victorious in a fight against one of the most powerful ability users in Yokohama.
Despite the sense of pride he felt as he was leaving the fight scene, anxiety rooted itself in his mind and soul. Because he knew you weren't going to be happy with his current dishevelled state.
But why would he care about your opinion? After all you were... what? A colleague, a friend maybe, someone he occasionally went on missions with? The boundaries of your relationship were not clearly set; even so, Akutagawa knew you cared about him and although he failed to admit it, he cared deeply about you too.
The mafioso could make out your figure under a streetlamp; you were sitting on the stairs in front of the building, hunched over a book. The light of the lamp pole fell upon your frame, enveloping you in a golden mist.
Upon hearing his footsteps your head slowly turned in his direction.
"You're back" you stated in a plain tone as you closed your book and rose to your feet.
"Yea. I just have to write the report and then I'll leave for the night."
Akutagawa cursed himself for how weak his voice sounded. With a blank expression on your face, your eyes scanned his body; lingering on the deep cut on his cheek and the crimson patches on the sleeves of his blouse.
"Everyone left already. You can turn in your report tomorrow, now you're coming to my place"
"But I don't need to-" he tried to protest but you quickly cut him off with a swift motion of your hand.
"You're not in any position to object." you said codly, voice laced with seething anger.
Without waiting for his reply, you hailed a cab and as soon as the yellow car pulled over you yanked the back seat door open and motioned him to get inside.
The ride back to your apartment was marked by a heavy silence. He didn't dare utter a word, opting to spare you quick, fearful glances. It was obvious that you were enraged, but your anger was of a cold nature; the unspoken words stinging like an ice burn.
The tension between the two of you kept growing as you nimbly made your way up the flight of stairs that led to your condo; but as soon as the door shut behind you, your cold facade crumbled.
"You idiot how could you put yourself in danger like that? You could've died." you screamed, throwing your hands up in a desperate gesture.
"Don't worry, ok?" he replied in attempt to ease your mind "All it matters is that I defeted him and-"
"No, Akutagawa it's not just about surviving fights. You need to be more careful. Why do you even accept such dangerous missions?"
"You don't get it, Y/N. These are all trials. If I manage to triumph over the enemy Dazai will surely deem me worthy. My life won't be lived in vain."
Although he spoke those words in the most gentle voice possible, the truth behind them shattered your heart. Pearly tears began to cloud your vision as you spoke in a harsh voice.
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe Dazai is just using you? You're putting your life on the line for someone who doesn't even care about you. And your reckless actions don't only affect you, you know?" By this point your whole body was trembling but your fierce gaze still held his as you continued talking:
"They affect the people who actually care about you. You're hurting us, Ryu. You're hurting me."
Akutagawa wasn't an affectionate person; you knew that very well. That's why the moment you felt his arms wrap tightly around you, your body froze.
"Shhh" he said in a hushed voice, gently caressing your back "I'm here now, so don't cry."
Akutagawa himself was surprised by his soft-hearted behaviour. Normally when people spoke badly about his former mentor he'd lash out, but when you said those things all he felt was... guilt? Pressing you closer to his chest, he held you until you managed to regain your breath.
When you eventually pulled away, his dark coat was stained with your tears. You wiped your running nose with the back of your hand, earning the smile from your colleague.
"Look, Y/N" he began gingerly, taking one of your soft hands in his "All I can do well is fight. I was born and raised a weapon and this is what I love doing, it's my purpose in life. You cannot ask me to give up on that."
His gaze softened as he heard your breath hitch again. Giving your hand a reassuring squeeze, he continued talking.
"But for the first time in my life I'm driven not only by the need to prove myself to Dazai. I fight for you too. And so no matter what, I'll come back to you. I swear."
A soft smile rose to your lips upon hearing his confession, your eyes glimmering with hope.
"You promise, Ryu?" you asked in a mellow voice as you took a step towards him; he was now mere inches away from you.
Suddenly, Akutagawa became aware of the closeness between your bodies and attempted to retreat, but your arms hurriedly snaked around his neck to keep him in place. As your gaze traced along the fine features of his face you could see his cheeks turn a dark shade of pink.
"Are you perhaps blushing, Ryu?" you giggled, playfully raising a brow.
Your friend shifted closer to you; his lithe fingers digging into the plush of your hips as he pressed your frame flush against his. His sudden, daring actions caused a blush to spread across your face too.
"Who's blushing now, huh?" he huffed, bringing his lips close impossibly close to the shell of your ear. "And not to mention that you got so worked up about me dying that you cried. So don't start teasing me when you're no better. Ok dear?"
As he uttered those words in his usual, low voice a wave of heat washed over your body and you shuddered lightly. Your reaction didn't go unnoticed, his lips curling into a smirk.
"You look pretty when you're flustered" he babbled out before meeting your gaze again. "But really now, I hope you know I meant every word I said to you. And I know that may not be enough to ease your mind. After all actions speak louder than words, so I'll prove you"
"You don't have to prove me anything, Ryu" you replied in a reassuring tone "Just keep your promise, ok? And let me patch you up, you look terrible"
With a warm smile on his face, Akutagawa leaned slightly forward, his forehead pressing against yours; a pledge of devotion to you.
"Okay. But let's stay like this a bit longer" he whispered as he closed his eyes, relishing your presence and the brand new feeling that was blooming in his heart.
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rindouheart · 1 year
Note
hiii!! how's your day going?? i hope you have a good day♡♡. i was wondering if you could write some headcanons about yukimiya and nagi (i know you said you write for almost everyone but you can ignore nagi if you dont want to write him) having a crush on someone who is really flirty and affectionate??? you can avoid this request if you dont feel like writing dont be pressured please. thank you for reading my request, take care♡♡💕
YUKIMIYA and NAGI falling for an affectionate s/o 🌿
content. pure fluff + gender neutral s/o
author’s note. hi cutie, tysm for your request + AWWW YUKKI MY BB i love him more than my own life and yes, i also write for nagi despite being a btch towards reo (love/hate relationship with this giant marshmallow). I hope you like it!
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YUKIMIYA KENYU
this boy!!!
he’s obviously used to be surrounded by people (especially girls) since he’s a model.
yukki has experienced many love confessions towards him, but he never had the chance to say the ✨ magic words ✨ to someone important for him.
and then there’s you. his best friend since childhood. you, his special someone.
you’ve always loved to give him hugs and to compliment him about his football achievements.
he just goes aww when he sees you.
yukki realises that he’s in love with you when otoya asked him “are you looking for them again?”
holy shit.
he absolutely adores when you give him loads of affection.
how to make him melt on the spot: say “i love you so much, yukki”
oh boy he fell so hard for you.
“you know you’re the best person i’ve ever met in my whole life?”
yukki dot exe stopped working
yukki often has to cover his face when you say something flirty to him.
he’s so embarrassed omg, he can’t even look at you without blushing 😭
he used to think that flirty and extremely affectionate people were kind of a burden, but you made him reconsider his opinion.
you’re so charming and sweet that he wants to protect you
while he was in blue lock and hadn’t access to his phone he missed you A LOT
yukki would probably confess to you on the two weeks break: he invited you to a cafè to meet his teammates and friends.
then, when you all went to the nearby arcade, he won a pink teddy bear in one of those damned claw machines.
he gave it to you and asked if you wanted to be his partner (!!!)
shocked otoya and karasu in the background
NAGI SEISHIRO
clearly clueless
he didn’t mind your clingy behaviour.
at first, reo introduced you to him, because he thought that having a couple more friends wouldn’t harm nagi’s health.
nagi was like “okay, whatever”
you weren’t sure if nagi was okay with too much affection all at once, so you just sat beside him and laid your head on his shoulder.
“you’re comfortable”, you pulled out your phone and started playing a random game.
reo absolutely adores you two as a soon-to-be couple.
nagi has mixed feelings: he loves and hates the fuzzy feeling that you give him.
“sooo… we’ve been picked to participate in this football special programme” reo was the one who told you about blue lock.
“can i give you a hug?” you asked to nagi before leaving
he obviously said yes!! he didn’t mind your affectionate behaviour at all!!
while his stay at blue lock, nagi always thinks about how much he misses your lovely actions towards him.
and when you kiss him on the cheek and say “i’ll miss you, seishiro”
he just 🧍🏻
reo basically died on the spot
nagi will never admit that he has feelings for someone who has an opposite character in comparison with his.
he would invite you to his apartment and play genshin impact with you (adorable)
“how did you become so good at league of legends? this game is so difficult” - nagi loves when you compliment his gaming skills.
you’re the only person who can play badly and not annoy nagi. this is how he tells you “i like you”.
you fell asleep on his shoulder while he was playing fifa on his PlayStation.
he thought that you were the cutest person he’s ever seen (yes, he took a selfie and sent it to reo).
he would confess his love for you by initiating an hug or whatever that has to do with affection.
he’s so awww when he hugs you, this 190cm marshmallow gives the best hugs ever, but he doesn’t know that.
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@rindouheart ‘s headcanons — 01222023
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littlecello · 5 months
Text
Lazarus: An Autopsy
So. I just got back home, and though I have to get up at stupid o'clock for work tomorrow morning, I am sitting down at my computer to give you all as much of a detailed write-up of the table read as I can. Please bear in mind these are my and Fern's opinions personal opinions, so if you disagree with anything said here, that's totally fine! This is all coming from the perspective of people who have been in the fandom since 2012 and 2009 respectively, and both of us love the show very dearly.
Now, without further ado - here is a summary and discussion of the table-read of the pilot episode of Lazarus. The detailed write-up is under the cut, but I want to share this shaky train-doodle I banged out on the way home to give shape to my own feelings:
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Set Up
This was a dramatic table-read, meaning actors were sat on stage, taking the roles of the main and side characters, plus one narrator who read out the scene-set ups in the script. This was a complete reading of the pilot-episode as it would have aired on TV, complete with songs playing over the speakers as they appeared in the show (off the top of my head - Another Brick In The Wall, Somewhere Over The Rainbow (Ukulele Version), Life on Mars (yes they went there), Merry Christmas Everybody, and several more). It's important to note that this was not performed by the original actors; rather, they brought in a troupe of actors associated with the BFI, called the BFI Players. Unfortunately they aren't credited on the BFI website and there were no printed programme notes, so I can't tell you their names. Notably, though, Ashley Pharoah (co-writer of LoM) was present; after the table-read, there was a short-ish Q&A session.
Lazarus Pilot: A Summary
We start in 2024, with a car chase. Sam Tyler, now DCI of Internal Affairs of Greater Manchester Police, is hot on the pursuit of a Constable who we later learn has raped multiple women while on duty. Notably, Sam is driving exactly the way Gene would, ignoring regulations, nearly running over pedestrians and a cyclist. Sam apprehends the PC on the campus of Manchester University, which is filmed by the assembled students of the lecture that's been interrupted (a quote from the script: "heteronormative queer trans students") - that video subsequently goes viral as another example of police violence. It's clear that the PC is guilty of his crime, but he's let off, and most of CID pretty much turns against Sam. Sam's DI, incidentally, is biromantic and asexual, which is also turned into a joke with Sam making some acephobic remarks.
The next day, Sam finds the rapist PC dead - hanging from a lamppost as though he's died by suicide. CCTV reveals that about an hour before his death, a car idled in front of his home, and the PC had hurled abuse at said car. The driver cannot be seen. That same car is seen at a carehome in Didsbury, idling there just like it did in front of that house... and that car is also confronted, by none other than a geriatric Gene Hunt.
Here is where we start to realise that this Sam is different. It seems he never went back to 1973. He never had that accident, he never met Gene Hunt - he is, however, married to Annie Cartwright (only until half of the episode though, at which point she says they need to get a divorce). A lot of anachronisms going on here, but those will get explained a little later in the episode. Sam also starts having visions - first of a Space Hopper that keeps passing him by, later Clangers from the Planet of the Clangers appear to him. He keeps remembering lines we've heard in Life on Mars ("I never stitched anyone up who didn't deserve it", "If you can feel things you are alive, but it's when you can't feel things that you know you aren't alive", etc). Eventually, he goes to visit Gene in the care home and invites him for a drive, to see if that will jog any memories.
Gene, however, has other ideas - he eventually forces Sam to stop by the roadside, insisting "I'm going back! I'm going BACK!" The two start arguing, and then it devolves into a physical fight, which pushes them into the road... at which point, they are both his by a car. A red Audi Quattro, in fact, and just as everything fades to black, we see someone with white cowboy boots and a white leather jacket get out of the car...
1977. Sam wakes up utterly hungover in the Cortina, next to Gene who's driving. These are their 70s selves. They get to the station, where they find out that they've both been suspended due to Gene assaulting the Superintendent ("I didn't assault him, I strategically placed him... in a bin."). The department has been disbanded and taken over by none other than Derek Litton. Sam and Gene leave, with Sam driving home... to his wife Annie. On his way, he realises that he must have dreamt about 2024, and obviously doesn't understand what is going on. He talks to Annie about it, who becomes upset that he's starting to talk about all the future stuff again. It becomes clear that the case that Sam was investigating in 2024 (the dead rapist PC) is mirrored in 1977. And, crucially, near the end of the episode we realise that Gene also has memories of what we saw happen in 2024... and just at the end, when Annie is on her own, she suddenly sees the video footage mentioned at the very top (the fight at the MU) playing on the TV, and realises that Sam was telling the truth.
The Good
Let me start with the really enjoyable part of this afternoon - the actors who performed the script for us. They all did a brilliant job, especially Sam's actor. I'm pretty sure he must have studied up on John Simm's performance, because he got Sam's tone and cadence so closely to the original that I could really believe he was the character. The production was done well too, with the songs being played over the speaker system; plus, the narrator was absolutely brilliant at setting the scene, reading the descriptive bits of the script with loads of character and humour. The other actors were great too (Litton got a fantastic impression). The only one I wasn't convinced by was Gene's actor, because he gave his Manc accent a very theatric drawl that sometimes made him sound like a pirate. Definitely didn't come close to Philip Glenister's brilliant delivery of his lines.
Speaking of lines, there were some genuinely funny jokes in this. The whole scene with Litton was hilarious, and some of the modern-day jokes landed quite well too (Sam's DI pulls an "ok boomer" on him, to which he responds "that's Gen X I'll have you know").
And of course, I have to mention that it was SO LOVELY to meet a bunch of you in person!!!! It was lovely to chat, and thank you especially to @bisexualroger and friends who came and said hello, you genuinely made my day 🥹 The Bad
Sigh. Buckle up.
This table-reading really cemented for me what I've been saying for several years: The writing in Life on Mars is very mediocre. What made the show so amazing and special was the fact that the crew and actors took that material and elevated it to the heights we know and love. If you take that away... All of its shortcomings become very glaring.
This was even more obvious with Lazarus. Although we have to remember that this was a pilot, which means it was basically a sales pitch to studios and as such they tried to cram as much exciting stuff into it as possible, on the whole it just came across as very confused and embarrassingly self-referential. The characters often (but not always) came across as caricatures of themselves. The script often pointed out the race/ethnicity of characters in ways that felt very unnecessary and strange (more on that later). Most of the dialogue that took place in 2024 was incredibly stilted (again, more on that in a little bit). Most crucially, although it's clear that Lazarus was trying to bring Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes together to tie them up in a neat little bow, it just felt far too all over the place, even for a set-up episode (Lazarus as a whole was planned to be two series with 6 episodes each, like LoM). The Ugly
Basically, this show was supposed to be commentary on the present-day commentary between the public and the police... written from the perspective of two Old White Men(tm) with an unhealthy amount of nostalgia for the past who seem to think of the police as literal guardian angel, which is why they made Gene an actual angel (this is confirmed by what Ashley told us the ending of Lazarus would have been, which I will write up tomorrow because this would be too much for this post).
So, what does that mean in practice? It means that everything that was set in 2024 was an absolute shitshow. There were jokes about "wokeness" in every scene - things such as gender identities, diversity, ethnic food, vegan food, recycling, climate activism and more were only ever played for laughs, with a clear emphasis that everything was better in the "good old days". Especially all the jokes about gender and sexuality made me so angry, seeing as the fandom who has kept the show alive for the last 10 years is overwhelmingly queer.
Worse than that, this show would have been absolutely choc-full of copaganda. We already learn in the pilot that the entire philosophy is that "bad cops" are simply "rotten apples" that need to be removed from the force, which can only happen from the inside (this is Sam's role as DCI of Internal Affairs). And also, the public are just way too mean to cops, for no reason whatsoever - this is very literally shown in a scene in 2024 where a male PC touches a drunk woman's arm in sympathy and she yells at him "DON'T TOUCH ME", whereas in a mirrored scene in 1977 we see a PC giving a woman advice, who seems to be extremely grateful for it and even squeezes his hand for it. Which, if you know ANYTHING about what was going in Manchester at the time, in the wake of the Yorkshire Ripper and the associated police failings, is laughable at best, and an insult at worst.
Furthermore, during the Q&A, Ashley Pharoah unintentionally told on himself and Matthew Graham. I'm paraphrasing, but he basically said that when they both realised during the watchalong on twitter back in 2021 there still were a lot of fans of the show, that's when they felt compelled to properly give Lazarus a go. It very much came across as him saying "we loved the attention and wanted more of it, oh and also we thought we had something to say about the state of affairs regarding the police". Which, as I have laid out above, frankly is a sick joke. After everything that's happened - the protests in 2020, the way police forces in the whole country handled the Sarah Everard case, the fact that the current Chief Superintendent of GMP is an old conservative guy - the fact that Matt and Ash had the audacity to shop a show like Lazarus around to be picked up for TV is... astonishing. The confidence of white men, eh?
In Conclusion
Both Fern and I are very, extremely glad that Lazarus was not, and never will be made into a TV show. We are very glad that we get to keep Sam, Gene, Annie and all the others as they are. And we are also very glad that we went to this table-read, since we can now stop wondering what could have been. It's done and dusted. And, funnily enough, this has invigorated my fandom fire for LoM. I now want to create art of the characters I've come to know and love, to reinforce who they are to me. They are our characters now, Ashley and Matt. You don't get to play with them anymore. You don't get to twist them and put them through the wringer.
Tl;Dr
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faerytreealtars · 10 months
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𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 Messages from the Fae Realm 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊
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Welcome all my lovely souls to another reading, I wished to work with some of my favourite spirits today so I have connected to the Fair Folk that surround me in my countryside home. They have been so helpful and provided a few messages for all of the collective who are guided to me, having said that I do hope you can find a message for you here today! So take a breath and choose a pile. Always remember to trust your intuitive guidance and to only take what resonates for it is rarely wrong…
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┋ Pile 1 ┋ Pile 2 ┋ Pile 3 ┋
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Pile 1:
{Cards: The Emperor, The four of pentacles & the Empress / Charms: Green Pear, green ribbon & three green flowers}
With great strength comes great responsibility, We believe that is how the human saying goes, you have this strength, this power but yet you do not use it wisely. We can see more than you may know and we know how you have the power to help - share your gifts, those talents, and thoughts that are unique to you alone. Do not hide them from the world for you would not have them if they were not meant to be of a special use. This world is in need of your help but it is up to you whether you are willing to take the leap...
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Pile 2:
{Cards: Page of wands, five of swords & Nine of pentacles / Charms: Black-heart, shooting star, dead fish-bone, rocking horse & happy face}
Why have you let the voices win or at least act like they are winning? Why have you given up on seeing wonder and beauty? You had so much fire & creativity running through those veins but now they look empty. We hold onto hope still that one day you will burst forth like a phoenix and show the world how wonderful the true soul that exists within you is! This battle is yours to face though, we cannot fight the demons for you, that is how one learns and grows you see but know we will watch and guide always and hope you will see past the cloud of negativity that fogs around you.
Fae Advice: If you are struggling with limiting beliefs, self-doubt and negative thinking I can offer some advice. If you feel comfortable write down the thoughts that plague your mind and knock your confidence, it is my experience those thoughts linger unless you look at them realistically writing them down helps you see that they are silly and hold no power. look at what you have written does it hold any truth, is there any facts to back it up? Probably not! Then you can add beside the negative thought the true good thought, make sure to draw a line through the negative thought afterward to let the universe know this is not your belief. An example on my end could be: My opinion doesn't matter. Who put this thought in me? Why do I choose to believe it without thinking critically about it? what I should believe is: My opinions and views do matter as I have insight and thoughts no one else may have and those opinions may be the very thing a person or the world needs to hear in that moment. Hope this helps you all!
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Pile 3: {Cards: Five of cups, three of cups, three of wands & Knight of wands / Charms: panda face, teddy bear, cozy cow, star & ginger-bread man}
We just wished to say we love you very much, your aura is a breath of fresh air & how you show your authentic self to the world, unafraid to be open and kind we greatly admire. So never stop being curious, keep growing, and keep connected to that inner child you nurture so well for through them you will forever be connected to us! Your loving Faery Friends 𐐪♡𐑂
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I hope that you managed to find a message that resonated for you out of the three piles and that it has brought you clarity, comfort, or inspiration in some form.
If you are in need of more help or clarity from the spirits or myself then please check out this post here where you will find information about myself, links to my private readings, and rules about my exchange readings.
Sending loving vibes and gratitude to all of you! - Fae ⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
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TAROT DECK USED: The Faerie Tarot MOON POSITION: New moon (0%)  Daily Affirmation: "We are all family and the planet is our home"
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lily-orchard · 5 months
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Since this appears to be the topic this month, what do you think about topics that artists should be allowed to cover? I see this a lot in how people should be allowed to write whatever they want, often bringing up Lolita as an example.
As one of my favourite creators once said: There is no right to be heard.
One problem with this kind of discourse is that regardless of whether you think they should or not, people are free to have whatever opinion about you that they like. More often than not discussions about what is wise to create or what is responsible to create gets twisted by some truly awful people into conversations about what is "allowed."
It's like how criticism gets rebuked with "let people enjoy things." We're not stopping you.
Someone saying "You writing about this is an endorsement of it" is not actually infringing on your rights in any way. You have the right to yell "Ban this sick filth" as much as you fucking please.
That having been said, it's always interesting when Lolita gets brought up in these arguments because Lolita is usually brought up to defend brazenly pornographic Lolicon shit, when it's a completely irrelevant comparison.
Lolita is not a love story. Lolita is a psychological examination of a self-pitying criminal and the consequences and human costs of his heinous crimes.
This isn't something you could stick beside AO3 fetish porn because the authors of AO3 fetish porn are the SUBJECT and VILLAIN of the book. It's like trying to put "Riding in Cars with Boys" next to a Republican propaganda film about the righteousness of teen mothers and shotgun weddings.
If it were released today it'd be branded by the people using it as a cudgel as 'hateful propaganda for the antis.'
You already have the right to write whatever you please, and I or any other critical voice can't take that from you no matter how much or little any of us might want to. So bear that in mind as I make my next point:
Dark material only works if you have something to say. You have to do something with it. You could do something with it and fail, but failure is something the rest of us learn from. Even bad art has a place in history, if only to serve as some 'how not to do it' guide.
But there's this recent trend that, as an artist myself, has always fucking irked me. And that's "let's watch them get worse." Where you take the darkest material that you can possibly think of ("you" being a white suburban woman whose idea of getting freaky involves fuzzy handcuffs you got at Dollar Tree) and then you just sit there with it and do nothing. You just watch things get worse and worse and the thing we're supposed to take away from it is... nothing. Because it was made to shock the normies.
I played a game like this for the upcoming video and the only thing about it that was actually shocking was the disparity between how it was marketed and sold vs the actual product. It was utterly artless from start to finish, with only one or two moments that provided anything more thought provoking than "Wow what a whack-a-doodle." But even with that 'refuge in audacity' it was still weirdly afraid of itself to the point that it would pass the Hayes Code if it were released 70 years ago.
I think in the script I actually describe the writing as the living embodiement of "Ha ha just kidding unless."
It establishes that its protagonist is not a good person, and then all but one of the people they kill also had it coming. For something that billed itself as 'edgy' that was just fucking sad.
But that's really where we're at. We have a large group of people who want edgy, taboo-defying media, but they also want that media to comfortably fit into the fandom cycle. And really edgy material doesn't do that because part of being edgy is having a point to make. And if your story has a theme, it doesn't fit into the fandom cycle.
This has always been the contradiction between people who want "serious art" and the reality of how those same people consume art in the first place. They want serious art, but the characters still have to be malleable for headcanons and shipping. The characters still have to be pristine and sexy for the simps. So any theme the work has will be blunted so hard that it suits the censorship standards of almost a century ago.
And that section of art, that I used to call "Adventure Fantasy" when it was just limited to animation but now I need to find a new name for it, is one I truly believe has no right to exist.
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redheadspark · 12 days
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April Prompt Session (CLOSED)
Hello, my Lovelies!
So sorry for not making a prompt session sooner, but I wanted to get back to it and do another session! These are a lot of fun to write and make my day, so here we go!
This Prompt Session Theme is:
Words of Affirmation
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Here are my rules:
1.) You may choose ONE character from my list Here. It’ll have the list of characters that I write for or have written for in the past.
*(If you have a character not listed that you wish for me to write, PLEASE MESSAGE ME AND CLEAR IT WITH ME FIRST TO SEE IF I CAN OR WILL DO IT!)*
2.) There is only One Prompt list for this session, you can request the number you wish for me to write. Please provide BOTH the numbers you would like AND the character to pair it with.
Example: May I have Aziel from ACOTAR with #5?
*I write out the requests as a first come first serve. I will try my best to fulfill every request that comes my way, but please bear in mind I work full-time as a teacher. Because of that, I’ll be busy most of the day so please be patient and I’ll write in my spare time as much as I can :) *
3.) If I get two requests that are exactly the same, (same character and same number) I will only write it once! Please don't be afraid to ask if someone has already requested the character and number, I don't mind answering that for you :)
4.) You can request in my ASK box neither as yourself or anonymously. Although I would LOVE to give you a shout if you request as yourself, anon is perfectly fine!
5.) I will stop taking requests for this prompt session on Sunday, April 21st at 3:00 PST
6) Have fun and enjoy :)
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Prompt List created by @creativepromptsforwriting
"You are so special to me."
"We are so lucky to have you."
"Did I tell you I love you today already?"
"You always know how to make me laugh."
"I just want you to know how proud I am of you."
"Wow! You look amazing!"
"I appreciate you so much."
"You are being so good to me."
"I'm so impressed with you."
"Thank you for everything you do for me."
"You make me so happy."
"I'm so lucky to have you."
"You are doing such a good job at this."
"No one makes me as happy as you do."
"I trust you with all of my heart."
"You are literally the best."
"I really enjoy spending time with you."
"Thank you for always listening to me."
"I really value your opinion."
"You have so much talent."
"I'm so happy to have you by my side."
"You're the kindest person I know."
"That was so thoughtful of you, I appreciate it."
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Once again, I will no longer take requests for this session on Sunday, April 21st at 3:00 PST
Thank you and happy requesting!
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Tagging -@a-lumos-in-the-nox @botanicalbarnes @heliosphere8 @virtueassassin @ethereal-athalia @heartofwritiing @valeridarkness @pemberlyy @saradika
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