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bopinion · 11 months

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2023 / 23

Aperçu of the Week:

"Courage is knowing it might hurt, and doing it anyway. Stupidity is the same. And that's why life is hard."

(Jeremy Goldberg, 1958 born English historian at the University of York)

Bad News of the Week - A selection because I could not decide:

The right-wing populist party Alternative for Germany (Alternative für Deutschland / AfD) comes in at 18% in polls for the first time, putting it in second place after the Conservatives and ahead of the Social Democrats. 65% of AfD voters considered immigration to be the biggest current problem - excuse me?1? Germany needs 500,000 migrants - every year. Otherwise our over-aged society will collapse, where no one wants to work at the garbage collection. The alternative? More children of right-wingers? Please don't...

The dam burst, whatever its cause, on the Dnipro River in the southern Ukrainian region of Kherson, is a disaster of inconceivable proportions. Huge masses of water have been pouring out of the destroyed Kakhovka dam since Tuesday, serious environmental destruction is occurring, tens of thousands have to be evacuated, and the regional supply of electricity and drinking water is limited. The suffering adds a new dimension to this war.

I have a high respect for police officers - my stepfather is (was) one. But the East German police are, unfortunately, largely right-wing. That's why a few days ago in Leipzig there were violent riots with the left, who took to the streets after a court ruling against their symbolic figure Lina E. (convicted of attacking right-wing extremists and neo-Nazis). A demonstration that was initially authorized but then withdrawn. According to independent media reports, the escalation was sought by the police and not by the protesters.

An unprecedented scale of wildfires in Canada is not only destroying millions of acres of nature, but affecting people thousands of miles away. In New York City, the sky is orange and the population is told to stay indoors as breathing outside is difficult even for healthy people. In Greenland and Iceland, too, air quality is dropping noticeably, and this weekend the smoke will reach even northern Europe. And no one knows what the situation is like in Siberia right now, where there is equally severe drought.

Small and medium-sized businesses in the European Union are becoming increasingly dependent on the "marketplace" offerings of Amazon, the online retailer that dominates by a wide margin. The analysis of the Dutch think tank Somo, which will be published in a few days, comes to a simple conclusion: effective antitrust proceedings would have to lead to a break-up. Otherwise, healthy competition would fall by the wayside.

Good News of the Week - A selection because I could not decide:

The European Court of Justice has ruled: Poland's judicial reform, which effectively abolishes the independence of the judiciary, violates EU law. Therefore, billions of EU funds remain frozen - and democratic values defended.

Brazil unveils an ambitious plan to combat deforestation of the Amazon rainforest. Already since Lula da Silva took office, the destruction - almost all of it illegal - of one of the world's most important ecosystems has reportedly already fallen by a third.

Former U.S. President Trump has been indicted again. The judiciary accuses him of 37 counts surrounding the classified documents he unlawfully took from the White House. Theoretically, he can be punished with up to ten years in prison in this regard. It's the first federal indictment of an ex-president. And that's a good thing: no one is above the law. That goes for Boris "The haircut" Johnson, too, by the way.

The EU has finally come to a so-called asylum compromise. Even though many aspects of this compromise - such as the treatment of unaccompanied minors from so-called "safe countries of origin," including Kosovo, for example - upset me because of its inhumane harshness, it is better than nothing. Because until now, there was simply no Europe-wide mechanism at all, and the countries at the EU's external borders were simply left to fend for themselves.

"Operation Hope" lived up to its name: after forty days, four children who had gone missing after the crash of a small plane were found by soldiers in the Colombian jungle. They had survived with the help of indigenous people.

Young adults from Germany and France are to travel and get to know their respective neighboring countries in order to strengthen relations between the two countries. To this end, the transport ministers of Germany and France have launched the Franco-German Friendship Pass - 60,000 can travel free of charge for a month.

Personal happy moment of the week:

As a foreigner, my wife regularly has to prove her residence status to various official bodies, including the bank. Last week it was time again. On this occasion, her customer advisor noticed that she has been married to a German since the end of December 2022 - namely to me. Therefore, she was not only warmly congratulated, but also received a gift: a high-quality set of barbecue tools. It was a great pleasure to receive congratulations again. A good 15 months after the wedding.

I couldn't care less...

...that now former US Vice President Mike Pence has also thrown his hat into the ring. Or the ex-governor of New Jersey Chris Christie. Because all observers agree on one thing: the more internal competition there is among the Republicans for the U.S. presidential candidacy, the better for Donald Trump. And the worse for the whole world.

As I write this...

... I'm amazed: The plant fruit Okra is one of the oldest vegetables in the world, cultivated in the highlands of Abyssinia more than 4,000 years ago. The annual harvest yields over 10 million tons - and I first heard about it in a crossword puzzle.

Post Scriptum

On June 5, 1972, World Environment Day was established. Since then, every year on this date, there are different events around the world that aim to raise people's ecological awareness. A total of around 150 countries participate in this day of action. In Germany, this year's motto is "Strengthen nature - protect the climate". Never heard about it? Maybe that's the problem...

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pcwpolwrestling · 3 months

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2/3-Extreme Political TV-Columbia (SC) Clash-Part One

Outside the arena… …a throng of eager spectators swirled in a chaotic dance, their chants and cheers muted by the heated exchange at the entrance.

PCW Owner Dawn McGill, her medium-length blonde hair catching the sunlight like a beacon of business acumen, stood resolute between the two clashing titans of political theater.

“LET THEM IN… LET THEM IN…”

To her right, Progressive Alliance House Leader Hakeem Jeffries, brandishing his Progressive Alliance badge like a championship belt, argued passionately with hands that cut through the air, his insistent voice a rallying cry to let the masses witness the spectacle within.

Hakeem Jeffries: Everyone deserves to see the show, Dawn!

Jeffries’s gaze locked onto every camera and potential voter in sight. Progressive Alliance Senate Leader Dick Durbin nodded fervently beside him, his eyes alight with the fire of conviction. The supporters of the Progressive Alliance cheered and shouted their support.

“LET THEM IN… LET THEM IN…”

Dawn shook her head in opposition to their plan.

Dawn McGill: Look, I get it…

Her tone firm yet fair, the very image of a woman who had fought tooth and nail for every inch of her empire.

Dawn McGill: …but we’re packed to the rafters! There’s no room and it’s not fair to the people who paid good money to be here tonight to let people in for free.

On the opposing corner, American Patriot House Leader Mike Johnson, flanked by the ever-stoic Senate Leader Mitch McConnell, countered with a sharp southern drawl tinged with the theatrics of a heel wrestler taunting the crowd.

“KEEP THEM OUT… KEEP THEM OUT…”

Mitch McConnell: This is about order, about following the rules. If they don’t have tickets, they don’t get in!

The American Patriots’s supporters also made a lot of noise and together, all the voices crescendoed into a symphony of discord, as the clash of ideologies threatened to erupt into a battle royal right on the concrete. Cameras flashed, capturing every moment for the evening news, while the fans outside chanted, hungry for the drama to unfold.

Political Championship Wrestling Columbia Clash Part One Columbia, South Carolina Taped Saturday February 3rd, 2024 Sunday February 4th, 2024

Announcers: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave AGE: 50 / HT: 5’ 11” WT: 195 HOME: Philadelphia, PA HAIR: Brown / STYLE: Like Ronnie Dunn / FACE: Goatee DRESS: Brown suit without tie

Colleen Crowder of ‘That Big New York Newspaper that Pushes Narrative as News’ AGE: 38 / HT: 5’ 5” WT: 142 HOME: New York City, NY HAIR: Black / STYLE: Curly / FACE:Narrow face with rounded jaw, turned-up nose, faint freckles, and thin lips. Bulging blue eyes, thin eyebrows. DRESS: Black pants suit

Opening: The buzz of anticipation was tangible as the camera swept over the sea of faces, each fan a testament to PCW’s magnetic pull. They were unified in their chant, “PCW… PCW… PCW!”, a mantra vibrating through the air.

In the center of the ring, under the hot lights and the gaze of thousands, stood ‘The Voice of PCW’, Johnny Suave, microphone in hand. Beside him, Colleen Crowder, her journalist’s eye scanning the crowd for the narrative she would later spin. Suave’s voice boomed through the arena, part carnival barker, part statesman of the squared circle.

Johnny Suave: Welcome one and all to PCW’s Extreme Political TV! I am Johnny Suave. She is Colleen Crowder of ‘That Big New York City Newspaper that Pushes Narrative as News.’

Colleen Crowder: That’s right Johnny. We tell you what you want to read about.

Johnny Suave: Tonight, we’re coming to you live from the heart of South Carolina!”

His excitement infectious, Suave pivoted smoothly to recap the previous week’s showdowns.

Johnny Suave: Last week in Iowa, folks, we witnessed Donald Trump making it two for two as he clinched a victory in the American Patriots Iowa four-way clash defeating Ron DeSantis, Nikki Haley, and Vivek Ramaswamy!

Colleen couldn’t help but make a sour face at the news of Trump winning, her mind racing with headlines and editorials, already scripting the dramatic narrative that would enrapture her readers.

Johnny Suave: Also last week, Joe Biden—The Supreme CEO of PCW—stood tall in the Progressive Alliance match, laying waste to the competition!

Colleen Crowder: He used his great power to turn his challengers into large, heaping piles of ash.

Suave continued to build the hype for what was to come.

Johnny Suave: Yes he did and tonight, he looks to repeat that dominance in the Progressive Alliance’s South Carolina match.

The camera zoomed in on Johnny Suave, his expression animated as he gripped the microphone with both hands.

Johnny Suave: Folks, you can feel the electricity in the air tonight! We’ve got a lineup that’s hotter than a political Twitter feud!

Suave paused for the requisite “PCW” chants and fed off the crowd’s raucous energy. He had to raise his voice to be heard over the din.

Johnny Suave: First up, we’re going to witness the debut of the Extreme Weather Network right here in the PCW ring! Jim Frascatore and Mike Baddass…

He gestured toward the stage where ominous clouds and lighting effects promised a stormy entrance.

Johnny Suave: …will be facing off against Weapons of Mass Destruction. A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb. Those guys don’t just bring the pain; they bring the fallout!

Colleen Crowder: I don’t like them already.

Suave nodded and smirked.

Johnny Suave: And in other news, the grass is green and the sky is blue. Also tonight…

He paused for effect, letting the crowd’s anticipation build before dropping the bombshell.

Johnny Suave: …we will find out the representatives from the American Patriots, Progressive Alliance, and American Heartland Coalition who will clash in the squared circle next week to determine the new PCW champion!

Colleen Crowder: Speaking of clashes…

A smirk playing on Colleen’s lips as she leaned into the mic.

Colleen Crowder: …our main event features our wonderful Supreme CEO Joe Biden. He decimated the competition in Iowa, and tonight, South Carolina’s own blue wave rises to crest once more!

Johnny Suave: All right. As you saw earlier, we’ve got some chaos unfolding outside.

Colleen Crowder: Johnny, people should have the right to come into the arena and see the show.

Johnny Suave: But not if they haven’t paid for a ticket… and not when the place is sold out!

Colleen Crowder: It’s not fair. Surely Dawn McGill can find somewhere to put them.

Cut to…

That Place Where Chaos is Unfolding Outside Dawn McGill stood resolute among the cacophony of political debate.

Dawn McGill: Fine. If you’re not going to listen to me.

With a swift gesture, she beckoned to someone off-screen, and like a well-orchestrated wrestling entrance, Texas Governor Greg Abbott emerged, flanked by security, put up barbed wire fencing glinted under the arena lights—a stark symbol of no entry.

Hakeem Jeffries: Tickets or not, this is a public spectacle!

Jeffries’s protest was met with the unyielding barrier and Abbott’s stern gaze.

Mitch McConnell: Order must prevail!

Cut to…

The Broadcast Desk The broadcast desk was a beacon of calm in comparison to the pandemonium going on outside the arena. Suave cleared his throat, reclaiming the attention of millions.

Johnny Suave: Tensions are high, and the stakes even higher.

The cheers from the crowd rose into a fever pitch.

MATCH #1: The Extreme Weather Network (Jim Frascantore and Mike Baddass) vs.

Weapons of Mass Destruction (A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb) The camera panned to the center of the action where Kimber stood, microphone in hand, poised to usher in the night’s first epic confrontation.

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen… our first match will be…

Crowd: ONE FALL!

The audience’s ritualistic response filled the space like an approaching storm.

Kimber Marshall: Introducing first…

On cue, the video screen flickered to life…

Narrator (video clip): OVER NINETY-BILLION, JILLION PEOPLE ARE IN EXTREME WEATHER DANGER TONIGHT!

…and painted dire predictions across its broad canvas. Images of nature’s fury unspooled—howling hurricanes, spiraling tornadoes, downpours that turned streets into rivers.

Kimber Marshall: Accompanied by Stephanie and Jen, they forecast pain and bring the thunder… Jim Frascantore and Mike Baddass… THE EXTREME WEATHER NETWORK!

The duo marched down the ramp, flanked by their meteorological mavens, drawing a mix of cheers and jeers. Frascantore, his face set in stern concentration beneath his slicked-back hair, looked ready to dissect an opponent’s strategy like a complex weather pattern. Baddass, flexing exaggeratedly, seemed more inclined to be the storm itself.

Before the fervor could settle, another anthem ripped through the speakers. Avenged Sevenfold’s “This Means War” heralded the arrival of their adversaries, and the Bomb family didn’t disappoint.

Kimber Marshall: And their opponents, lead to the ring by Daisy Cutter-Bomb and accompanied by Newt Tron Bomb and General George S. Patton…

Crowd: DECEASED!

Kimber Marshall: …A. Tom Bomb! Hy Drogen Bomb! They are… WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!

A. Tom Bomb led the pack, exuding radioactive charisma, while Hy Drogen Bomb’s explosive energy sent ripples through the onlookers. Newt Tron Bomb, with a smirk suggesting fissionable intentions, strutted beside Daisy Cutter-Bomb, whose steely gaze promised detonation at ground zero.

Johnny Suave: Looks like we’re in for some climatic chaos tonight, Colleen. The Extreme Weather Network is known for their unpredictability, but can they withstand the apocalyptic onslaught of the Bomb family?

Colleen Crowder: Oh Johnny, it’s just a disaster waiting to happen. These conflicting forces will create a monstrous supercell that will wreak havoc on our planet.

Johnny Suave: Wait. THAT’S your narrative?

Colleen Crowder: But of course. Let’s not forget the bigger picture here. This isn’t just about a silly wrestling match. It’s about the impact on our ever-changing climate and the shortcomings of our military establishment.

Johnny Suave: All right, here we go!

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Johnny Suave: IT’S OVER! Well, Mike Baddass and Jim Frascantore take advantage of their PCW debut and get the pin for the Extreme Weather Network!

Colleen Crowder: Well, I hope the ninety billion-jillion people in danger heed their words.

Outside the Arena Back outside, The Supreme CEO of PCW Joe Biden comes out to deal with the fence, dressed in a black shroud and black robe and looking menacing. Joe Biden, squaring off against a formidable barrier of stainless steel and barbed wire, wore determination like a suit of armor. His mission: dismantle this divisive boundary. But Governor Greg Abbott stood firm, a bulwark of Texan defiance.

So Biden decides to use his ‘powers’ and shoots laser bolts from his eyes. Unfortunately, the bolts don’t cut through the stainless steel, barbed wire fence and it ricochets all over the place hitting people- kind of like that scene from the first Indiana Jones movie where Belloq opened up the Ark of the Covenant unleashing spirits who came out and killed everyone… except Indiana Jones and Marian (of course) because they closed their eyes.

But at least no one’s face melts.

Suave’s voice hitched as he caught sight of the pandemonium outside.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

His usual composure shattered like the safety glass of decorum while Colleen, mouth agape, struggled to process the melee unfolding before them.

Colleen Crowder: I… I have no words, Johnny. But I know somewhere deep down that this is somehow Donald Trump’s fault.

The Progressive Alliance Locker Room The cameras panned away from the chaotic exterior to find the Progressive Alliance, and leaders Hakeem Jeffries and Chuck Schumer, huddled in a corner of the locker room. Also on hand: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels and ‘Country…er…Pop Songstress’ Taylor Switt, Kathryn Randall Collins “KRC,” Union Jack Taylor, The Ultimate Social Justice Warrior, NPC, ‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Brandon Thomas-Taylor with Soccer Mom, Professor McCarthy’s Flock (Leader: Berkeley, California Professor McCarthy, Code Pink, Emily S. List, The GWO, Young Jerks, LOAF), Green World Order (Valet: Peta from PETA, GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, PeaceNick), The Young Jerks, and the Legion of Anti-Fascists (LOAF)

Their debate echoed through the chamber like the rapid-fire promos they were known for, but today’s topic was internal strategy rather than external bravado.

Hakeem Jeffries: Listen, we need to think outside the box…

His voice was tinged with urgency.

Hakeem Jeffries: Who represents us next week isn’t just about strength—it’s about the message we send.

Overenthusiastic Junior Member: Exactly! So let’s settle this with a match and send our best wrestler!

He is met with collective laughter, head-shaking, and tut-tutting.

Chuck Schumer: That’s not how things get done here and this isn’t some run-of-the-mill championship!

Schumer followed with a dismissive wave.

Chuck Schumer: We’re talking high stakes here! It’s not just about choosing the best wrestler. We must choose the ‘right’ wrestler.

The American Patriots Locker Room Meanwhile, across the divide, the American Patriots were engaged in their own brand of decision-making. With the following wrestlers watching: ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott, ‘The One Man Hollywood Conservative A-List’ Stone Chism, Corporate World (CEO: Gordon Guyko, Kirk Walstreit ‘Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit’ and P.M.C. Banks), Magnum P.O’d with Robyn Masters, Nate R. Adams (NRA), Texas Jack, and Neal Conn (making foreign policy as paramount responsibility of government, seeing the need for the U.S. acting as the world’s sole superpower as indispensable to establishing and maintaining global order).

Leaders Mike Johnson and Mitch McConnell were conducting a telethon-like spectacle where donors pledged cash live on air.

Mike Johnson: Remember, folks, the wrestler with the most money raised gets to represent the true American spirit!

Johnson’s eyes alight with the gleam of greenbacks rather than championship gold.

One Hopeful Patriot: Shouldn’t we, maybe, wrestle it out?

He was instantly drowned out by the cacophony of ringing phones and Mitch McConnell’s guffaw.

Mitch McConnell: Son, in politics—and wrestling—money talks louder than a body slam!

The room erupted in hearty agreement with McConnell.

Backstage In the midst of all the political posturing and financial maneuvering, Dawn McGill was seething with frustration. Her patience in dealing with the unticketed people who the Progressive Alliance demanded be allowed in had frayed to its breaking point, only matching the delicate fabric of her latest Henhouse photoshoot outfit.

Dawn McGill: Enough! I’ve had it!

Dawn charged down the aisle, her furious gestures aimed at the blue seats that were sold out and occupied.

Dawn McGill: You want them in that bad… fine.

Johnny Suave: What? Dawn’s backing down?

Colleen Crowder: As she should, Johnny.

Dawn McGill: They can sit in your section.

Johnny Suave: WHOA!

Colleen Crowder: WHAT?

The crowd erupted into a frenzy as the unticketed individuals flooded into the blue seats, climbing over others, blocking their view, and causing chaos.

Colleen Crowder: This is not right!

What was once an excited atmosphere quickly turned into a hostile battleground as people fought for their chance to catch a glimpse of the event from the blue seats. Angry shouts and boos drowned out any cheers, creating a chaotic scene filled with tension and frustration.

Colleen Crowder: Why can’t they also sit in the red seats?

As the camera zoomed in on Dawn’s triumphant smile, the scene faded to black.

Back inside…

Announcement of the Wrestlers who will meet next week for the PCW Title Johnny Suave: Let’s get down to brass tacks, folks!

Johnny Suave stood up from his commentary table, a theatrical glint in his eye.

Johnny Suave: The Progressive Alliance has made their choice for next week’s PCW Championship match, and let me tell you, I’ll bet you it’s as politically correct as a vegan hot dog at a climate change rally!

The crowd responded with a mixture of cheers and jeers, their anticipation palpable in the charged atmosphere. The video screen flickered to life, showcasing the Progressive Alliance leaders, Hakeem Jeffries and Chuck Schumer, standing beside a wrestler whose steely gaze was as firm as his stance on renewable energy.

Chuck Schumer: By virtue of seniority, making all the right moves outside the ring, and our desire to suck up to big Hollywood and the entertainment business, our representative… and the NEXT PCW champion… will be none other than ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels!

Daniels, dressed in a suit as sustainable as his wrestling technique, raised his arms, absorbing the mix of applause and dissent from the politically divided crowd.

The American Patriots choose their wrestler The screen now split to reveal Mike Johnson and Mitch McConnell standing with a smug-looking wrestler counting a stack of bills with gloved hands.

Johnny Suave: Money talks in the American Patriots camp, and boy, did it sing a sweet tune of cash registers ringing!

Mike Johnson: Our champion… and the NEXT PCW champion… is Wall Street Market Analyst… Kirk Walstreit. Because nothing says ‘America’ like a man who can make it rain in the ring!

Wallstreet waved the bills in the air, an arrogant smile plastered across his face, while the audience voiced their opinions, some chanting “Sell out!” in rhythmic disapproval.

Johnny Suave: So, the Progressive Alliance chose ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels… the American Patriots chose ‘Wall Street Market Analyst’ Kirk Walstreit… who will the American Heartland Coalition choose?

The American Heartland Coalition chooses its wrestler Then the American Heartland Coalition’s “Red Solo Cup” Ray McAvay, Charlie Blackwell, and “The Prairie Populist” William Daniels Bryan strode out, the very image of determination etched onto their faces. They were the picture of solidarity, each man representing the heart and soul of the wrestling world.

Ray McAvay: Ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, there won’t be any boardrooms or bank accounts or political correctness nonsense deciding who steps up for the American Heartland Coalition.

Charlie Blackwell: We’re not going to choose our representative… y’all, we’re gonna battle it out the old-fashioned way—the way it should be done!

William Daniels Bryan: By deciding in the ring… this is how the American Heartland Coalition decides who their representative next week will be… right here… right now, in front of you roaring fans!

MATCH #2: Ray McAvay vs. Charlie Blackwell vs. William Daniels Bryan The trio reached the ring, their boots thudding against the apron as they climbed between the ropes. The crowd’s excitement swelled, a crescendo of anticipation that filled the arena like thunder before a storm. With solemn nods, McAvay, Blackwell, and Bryan extended their hands toward one another in a show of respect—a handshake that sealed their pact to let their prowess speak for them.

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Johnny Suave: And Charlie Blackwell will represent the American Heartland Coalition next week after he earned the right to wrestle in the PCW Title match in the ring.

Colleen Crowder: The American Heartland Coalition has no right to be in the PCW title match, Johnny. They are an insignificant second-tier faction.

Johnny Suave: Well Dawn McGill thinks they have a right to be there and so do the people.

Colleen Crowder: No they don’t. We the media set the agenda and we tell the people what they should care about and it’s not some flyover country, second-rate, American Heartland Coalition group.

Progressive Alliance Suite Dawn McGill stood tall and unyielding, her blonde hair a beacon under the bright arena lights. She herded the unticketed masses who continued to surge into the building like a tidal wave. Dawn crashed through security to breach the gates of the opulent Progressive Alliance suite.

Dawn McGill: You wanted them in here, you can deal with them.

She stood aside and watched as they flooded the space.

Colleen Crowder: No… she can’t do that!

Flustered Elite: Ease up, folks! Mind the spread!

The eager crowd descended upon the lavish buffet, silverware clattering and crystal shattering in their wake.

Colleen Crowder: This is not fair. Why can’t she take them over to the red sections?

Lobster tails and caviar disappeared as quickly as campaign promises, while the disheveled elites recoiled in abject horror.

Sharp Dressed Man: Those are Wagyu beef sliders, not hot dogs!

His voice of protest was drowned out by the chaos.

Another Sharp Dressed Man: Save the champagne!

He tried desperately to salvage a bottle from the grasp of an overzealous fan wearing a “Vote or Die” T-shirt.

The scene was one of pure bedlam, with gourmet food flying through the air and entitlement running rampant. The fragrant aroma of expensive delicacies mingled with the sour stench of desperation as the once civil veneer of the Progressive Alliance crumbled like a stale cracker under the weight of their own greed. It was a scene that perfectly embodied the excessive excesses of politics and power.

Cutting away from the pandemonium, the camera focused on the ringside where ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave stood poised, his expression a mix of amusement and disbelief. Colleen Crowder, her face alight with partisan zeal, sat next to Suave… horrified at the chaos.

MAIN EVENT- SOUTH CAROLINA MATCH- Joe Biden vs. ??? Johnny Suave: Well, ladies and gentlemen, get ready for the main event: The Progressive Alliance’s South Carolina match!

The lights dimmed, save for a single spotlight that centered on the entrance ramp. Kimber Marshall stepped forward, her voice cutting through the anticipation like a blade.

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen! Tonight’s main event will be…

Crowd: ONE FALL!

Colleen Crowder: I hate it when they do that.

A hush fell over the crowd as a hooded figure emerged, cloaked in shadows and gravitas. It was Biden, channeling the dark majesty of a certain emperor from a certain star space-like movie franchise, his gait slow and deliberate as he approached the ring.

Johnny Suave: Looks like he’s tapping into his dark side tonight.

The remark elicited a sharp glance from Colleen.

Colleen Crowder: Or maybe he’s just showcasing the unmatched power of the Progressive Alliance, Johnny. I mean, Joe Biden is so powerful… I don’t think anyone else is going to show up here for the match.

Indeed, Kimber Marshall just stood in the ring and waited.

Nothing.

Johnny Suave: Well… after what happened last week.

The arena echoed with the referee’s count, each digit ticking away the chances of any opposition showing face. At ten, the bell tolled, and Biden was declared the victor by default.

Colleen Crowder: Another win for the Blue Wave, isn’t it wonderful

Colleen clapped her hands together as if she were at a victory rally rather than a wrestling event.

Johnny Suave: Well? Joe Biden picks up a big win here in South Carolina!

The blue seats celebrated Biden’s big win but yet, the spectacle was far from over. Biden, now standing center-ring, pointed dramatically at a towering sign that read: “PCW’S EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2024.”

Johnny Suave: Now, Joe Biden is celebrating the most time-honored tradition of PCW’s Extreme Election Night season by pointing at the sign.

Colleen Crowder: It’s wonderful, Johnny. Joe Biden is one step closer to another four years of being the CEO of PCW!

Johnny Suave: Well, November’s a long, long way away but I think Joe Biden will have his hands full this fall with Donald Trump.

Colleen Crowder: Donald Trump? Hmmph. You just wait, Johnny. Our narrative is going to be that Joe Biden will catch fire and-

In an unexpected turn, two laser beams shot from Biden’s eyes, striking the sign and igniting it in a conflagration of blue and red flames.

Colleen Crowder: Uh-oh.

As the sign collapsed in a fiery heap, Suave turned to Colleen, a knowing smirk curving his lips.

Johnny Suave: Crash and burn?

Colleen began to scramble for an angle

Colleen Crowder: Clearly, this is metaphorical! A burning desire for change, Johnny. It’s… progressive firebranding!

Security stream to the burning sign and start to put it out with fire extinguishers.

Johnny Suave: Whether it’s a burning desire or just burning down the house, folks, you can’t deny PCW always brings the heat.

Colleen Crowder: That’s enough with the fire references!

Johnny Suave: I’m sure in the next few months we’ll see more pyrotechnics… political or otherwise.

Colleen Crowder: JOHNNY!

Johnny Suave: We will be back in South Carolina in three weeks for the big American Patriot showdown between Donald Trump and Nikki Haley. Next week, we will be in Nevada with both Trump and Joe Biden in action. Also, the PCW Title will be up for grabs. Until then, for my colleague Colleen Crowder, I’m Johnny Suave saying good night.

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