#someone you sympathized with and thought you could be friends with | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

130K people were victims of a chain letter scam that affected Tumblr in May 2011.

#someone you sympathized with and thought you could be friends with

stinkbeck · 1 month

Text

i'm like "well a broken clock is right twice a day" and then have to accept that the world is just chock-full of stopped clocks and i have to figure out which ones are right and when

1 note · View note

celestialtarot11 · 29 days

Text

Friendship Synastry 🌹🌴

Hi friends! Just thought I’d do this post because someone mentioned there weren’t a whole lot of synastry posts focusing on platonic connections, which I agree ☝️ So let’s change that! Enjoy! Please like, comment and reblog 💅🏻

1st house overlay 💗- So beautiful! I share this with someone who I’ve known for 10 years! We see each other in one another. Growing up we always pretended we were cousins 😭 and everyone believed us. We both hype each other up and the friendship is harmonious.

Venus in the 4th house ✨- A feeling of home like no other. That same friend and I got disconnected for 7 years and somehow we reconnected! This placement truly is beautiful and embodies finding each other again and again in friendship. Both parties feel comfortable making jokes and sharing intimate details with one another. Both feel seen on a deeper level.

9th house synastry ❤️- Cultural differences in friendship! Both learn from different cultures and share their experiences with one another. Both are teaching each other new things and love to engage in topics of philosophy! At some point both could live away from one another and have to travel to see one another. Short distance or long distance!

10th house stellium 🌟- Both inspire each other to be better versions of themselves. Mutual level of respect depending on what planets fall into the 10th house. Both see each other as people who can bounce ideas off one another without shame! If the planets are afflicted or malefic, the friendship can turn into competition to boost ego.

Scorpio stellium ☮️- Transformative connection. Both see each other at their worst and help each other out. If the planets are afflicted or malefic, the friendship can end with betrayal or end suddenly due to private information being let out. For example, something personal only the other person would know. If ifs aspected good, the friendship is a deep bond and feels familiar to both. Intuitive, and spiritually deep connection. Both dream of one another.

6th house sun 💆‍♀️- The planet person may ask a lot of help from the house person! Not necessarily a bad thing, but if this is aspected negatively it can be more of “pain in the ass” kind of feeling 😭 Especially if the friendship isn’t going well. But when aspected positively, the house person can teach a lot to the sun person and it’s a beautiful exchange of knowledge. Set boundaries ya’ll! 6th house synastry requires boundaries too. 6th house synastry can also suggest that friend popping up randomly to visit you!

Mars in the 6th house 🌹- The mars person empowers the house person to be better and take initiative in their life. Brings a lot of energy, joy, stamina, and life to the connection. Without the mars person the house person may feel bored, or disconnected in their life. It’s important the house person knows to balance their energies with action vs rest! The mars awakens the house person!

Moon in the 11th house 💅🏻- If the house person has chiron there I’ve noticed they sympathize a lot with the moon person. Both may face criticism in the friendship and jealousy, because both seem like a power duo. Growing up I experienced a lot of this with my friend we share this synastry, and people have found reasons to shame us! If there is no chiron, the moon person is often comforted by the house person. There is a deep connection and a sense of community present for both 🌹😊

Leo on the Descendant ✨- After reconnecting both people would’ve gone through a major glow up in their personal lives and physically! Both people could be in touch with their hearts and emotional truth. In some other connections I’ve seen people get in touch with their egos rather than their authenticity. The connection can lose spark!

Aquarius ascendant 🫂- Both felt and experienced the black sheep phenomenon growing up. They are able to connect on that and lift each other up. Close knit community! Especially if they knew each other for years. Both are unique individuals but mesh together so well because both embrace their authenticity and power in the connection. Both can view the connection as unique, irreplaceable, and unforgettable.

Leo stellium 🌟- Lots of hyping each other up, feel good feelings and love 💅🏻💗 Both are great at lifting each other up! When one person feels discouraged the other has their back and vice versa. If the connection is afflicted it can easily lead to competition, jealousy and control issues. If the connection is great both are literal teddy bears to one another and are protective 🌹

Their rising falling into your 5th house ❤️- The rising person brings a lot of fun, adventure and play into the connection! The house person sees the rising person as connected to their inner child, bold, vibrant and a leader. Also a protector in a lot of ways, emotionally and physically. They could feel very safe with the rising person. The rising person naturally causes the house person to open up and have fun ✨

Moon in the 5th house 🌹- Nurturing, intuitive and beautiful connection. Peaceful and chill. Telepathy is common between the two and this placement doesn’t necessarily dull the fun, rather through fun and laughter the two feel their bond growing deeper. The moon person offers a creative safe space for the house person to explore and open up.

Venus in the 12th house 🌟- In a healthy friendship, both are connected to the spirit realm and connected to each other spiritually, and acknowledge that. They allow their intuition to grow together and foster a deep sense of belonging. Both feel like they truly accept one another for who they are and the healing of wounds related to love begins. More so platonically, both feel they can open up to receive care ❤️ Mother wounds heal a lot in this connection.

Cancer Venus in the 5th house ☮️- The cancer person shares a lot of emotional wisdom to the house person, and both have fun like no other. Truly this represents the intertwining of two souls on a platonic level. The venus person is so encompassing of emotion, and brings a sense of community and comfort to the house person. The house person makes space and room for the wisdom the venus person holds, and together the two share a unique bond.

Aries rising falling into your 2nd house 💨- The aries person is seen as vivacious, bold, intelligent, and self assured. Sometimes may struggle with self worth and esteem, but with the house person Aries can learn a thing or two about self esteem. Vice versa, I feel that both people learn about self worth and confidence in the connection and both bring out the best in one another. The house person gives a sense of grounding to Aries rising, and Aries rising brings the heat and passion to the house person ❤️

Thats all I have friends! Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your love with me ❤️☮️ Please like comment and reblog for support! Your feedback is always appreciated.

Paid Readings 💗

#astrology community #devi post #astrology #tarotcommunity #divination #tarot deck #tarot #witchcraft #tarot reading

421 notes · View notes

marvelsmylife · 2 months

Text

Can you feel my heart breaking?

Pairing: Azriel x reader

Plot: what happens when the male you’re meant to be with is pining over someone else.

A/n my first angsty Azriel one shot. I did not make this an anti-elain story. I love her and will never write a story where she's being mean to anyone. My girl just wants to take care of her garden in peace. I’m contemplating making a part two to this. Let me know if you’d be interested in a part two.

ACOTAR Masterlist

Part Two

There was nothing worse than watching your mate pine after someone else. Granted, Azriel has no idea that you are their mate. Still, it pained you to watch as your mate followed another female around and made sure she was ok instead of you.

The worst part was that Elain was oblivious to Azriel’s feelings towards her or that you were Azriel’s mate. She treated you with nothing but kindness, making it harder to hate her because she was innocent in all of this.

Someone who did know about Azriel being your mate was Rhysand. He sympathized with your situation because he was in your position before with Feyre and Tamlin. He was also grateful that you didn’t hold anger towards Elain for the situation you were in.

Rhysand tried everything he could to keep Azriel away from Elain for your sake, and you thought maybe one of these days, the bond would finally snap on his end.

That changed one night when you overheard Azriel questioning the cauldron for making Lucian Elain’s mate. You felt your heart break at his words because that meant he’d probably deny your mating bond when it finally snapped into place for him.

The following day, you asked Rhysand if you could be sent to the day court for a while. While he was initially opposed to it, he reluctantly agreed because he knew you had family in the day court and that Helion would treat you right over there. “Yes, you may go. I’ll contact Helion and work everything out,” Rhysand sent you a weak smile: “Just promised me you’ll come back to us. You know you’re like a sister to me. I don’t want to lose you too”.

“Of course, I’ll come back. I just really need to get away for a bit. You’ll never lose me. Unfortunately for you, you’re stuck with me for life,” you replied.

Rhysand let out a soft chuckle before giving you a brief hug and letting you go so you could start packing.

It took Rhysand two days to contact Helion and inform him that you were headed to the day court. Helion told Rhysand you were welcome to stay with him and was excited for your arrival.

Throughout those two days, you spent it packing and giving individual goodbyes to your friends. Each time, they would question your reason for leaving. Not wanting to lie to your friends, you told them about Azriel being your mate and not being able to be around him when he was hung up on someone else. They understood your situation, and instead of trying to convince you to stay, they wished you luck on your new adventure.

The one goodbye that took you by surprise was Elain. Tears formed in her eyes when you revealed you were leaving: “I know I never said this to you before, but I considered you one of my best friends here. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.”

Shocked expression appeared on everyone’s faces at Elain’s confession. Mostly because by now everyone but Azriel knew you were his mate, and they knew how much it hurt you to see him pining over the woman who just called you her best friend. “Everything is going to be ok; you’re going to be ok,” you replied, giving her a tight hug: “And if anything, you can always visit me, or I’ll visit you if you’d like.”

“I will be sure to take you up on the offer,” Elain responded and pulled away.

Azriel was the last one you said goodbye to and for you, it was the hardest one, mostly because he was your mate. “Please take care of yourself Azriel. Don’t stretch yourself thin. That means it's ok saying no to Rhysand's requests from time to time,” you teased at the end causing Rhysand to playfully roll his eyes at you.

“Don’t worry, I will,” Azriel promised; his hazel eyes scanned your face and noticed hurt and sadness in your eyes: “Are you ok? You know you don’t have to go?”

You tried your hardest to keep it together as you replied: “I’m fine. I want this, I’m just going to miss all of you, but I’m especially you.”

A surge of confidence flowed through you and before you could process what you were doing, you hugged Azriel. This was the first time you’d ever hugged him and yet the moment you hugged him, Azriel felt complete.

But just as Azriel was getting comfortable with your embrace, you pulled away and placed a kiss on his cheek: “Take care Az.”

Azriel felt as if someone knocked the wind out of him as soon as you walked away and got into the carriage Helion had sent out for you. It took him a few seconds to realize it was the mating bond snapping into place for him.

“She’s my mate,” Azriel fell to his knees as he finally felt the mating bond he so desperately wanted to feel for the past five hundred years: “Y/n is my mate, and now she’s gone.”

#azriel imagine #azriel x reader #azriel x you #acotar imagine #acotar x reader

794 notes · View notes

teapartyprincess4two · 2 months

Text

Bad Day- J. Guilbert

pairing: girlfriend!reader x boyfriend!Johnnie

classification: slight angst, fluff

warnings: use of y/n, established relationship, Jake and Tara are dating in this, short

inspiration: request

summary: Johnnie is the moon and you’re the sun, always bright, bubbly and energetic. Nobody believes that someone as positive as you can ever have a bad day, but when you do Johnnie is ready to comfort you through it.

—

Everyone has that one friend who is the personification of sunshine, that one friend that always seems to have a smile on their face and holds a positive attitude no matter what. This said friend is always the shoulder for others to cry on, the helping hand in a time of need, and the person everyone seeked for advice. In your friend group you were that friend. You were loved by everyone and loved everyone. So, it comes as no surprise that your friends have never seen you in a bad mood and have never known you to have a bad day.

But, contrary to popular belief, you are no stranger to a bad day. In fact, you have more bad days than you let on, usually masking your anger or sadness with a smile. Johnnie has always been able to read you though, he knows when you’re actually happy and when you’re putting on a facade, whether it be for your friends or for the cameras.

Today was one of those odd days when everything was just going wrong, you just couldn’t seem to catch a break. First, your alarm didn’t go off, causing you to wake up late. If it wasn’t for how hot it was in your room, you would’ve never woken up. You were sweating so much that you felt gross and sticky, but because you woke up late, you had less time to get ready which meant you didn’t even have time to shower. So, you were forced to rush to your dental appointment looking extremely tired, flustered, and greasy.

Once you finally arrived at the dental office, you tried to calm down, you were trying to have a positive outlook in hopes that your bad luck might turn around. But, while the dentist was doing your routine check-up, he found a total of 3 cavities in your mouth. According to the dentist, the cavities were so bad that if you didn’t get emergency fillings your tooth was sure to rot to the bone. You exhaled deeply, wishing all the negative thoughts away, and proceeding with an unexpected procedure. Then, as if your luck couldn’t get any worse, your insurance didn’t cover the emergency fillings, causing you to pay money out of pocket you hadn’t budgeted for.

On your way home it was just one thing after another. You turned the car on, only for it to be low on gas. ‘Not a big deal,’ you thought, praying that this is where your bad luck ended. While pumping gas, though, you stepped in a big puddle of water that got into your shoes and seeped into your socks. You tried not to let it bother you, especially since you’d be home soon, but you were only human.

After such a bad morning, you decide to buy yourself a treat, opting for McDonalds because it was the closest, cheapest thing around. You pulled up to the drive through, using the cheeriest tone you could muster, only to be slapped in the face by the worst customer service experience ever. Normally you wouldn’t have read too much into the situation, but considering you’ve had a pretty bad day so far, it was all just adding up. After paying for and receiving your food, you realized that half of your order was missing. You hated having to be the annoying customer that storms into the restaurant with a receipt in hand, but after the day you’ve had this was the one thing you couldn’t to let slide.

You walk into the restaurant, one hand cradling the bag of food, the other holding onto the receipt as you waited patiently to be acknowledged by at least one employee. You must’ve waited 15 minutes before someone finally noticed you, giving you the blankest stare as they asked, “Can I help you?” If this would’ve happened on any other day, you would’ve completely understood and sympathized with the employee for disliking their job, but you’re so on edge right now that even this seems like a big deal. “Hi, yes. I’m missing a few item-“ you put on your best customer service voice, but before you can even finish your sentence the employee is cutting you off by talking to someone through their headset, “some lady says she’s missing stuff from her order?”

Great, this was sure to become a bigger deal than it had to be. Someone must’ve told the employee what to say over the headset because she asks, “you have the receipt?” You hold the receipt up, but they don’t let you speak before they’re snatching it away and grabbing your bag too. At this point you’re wondering if the chicken nuggets are worth the trouble, should you just quit while you’re ahead and go home?

In the end you ended up getting your missing items, but you were already so frustrated by that point that it didn’t even matter anymore. The manager ended up getting involved, claiming you received everything in your order. She fought with you, raised her voice and got unreasonably upset while you tried to keep your cool, but one can only take so much. You didn’t want to, but you ended up raising your voice too because she wasn’t listening to reason, she never even checked your bag to see if everything was in there. Overall it was just a terrible situation that drained you both socially and emotionally.

After an encounter like that, most people would feel proud for having stood their ground, but you felt like screaming and crying. You weren’t a confrontational person, in fact you always tried keeping a positive attitude even in stressful situations to avoid situations like this. So now you’re walking out of the restaurant with your head held high as to not show weakness, but your spirit was so low it was practically hitting the floor. As soon as you were in your car and away from judgmental eyes, you were crying. Everything just kept adding up and even though nothing majorly tragic happened to you today, it just became too much to bare.

You’re leaning against the steering wheel, trying to calm down before you start driving home, but all you can think about is the horrible day you’ve had. All you wanted to do was go home and curl up under a blanket, hiding yourself from the world until you were ready to crawl back out. The emotions were so intense that you weren’t even hungry anymore. And to top it off, you were expecting visitors today who were probably already waiting for you at your house. All you could do was hope Johnnie would keep them busy while you dissociated in your room for a while.

You took a deep breath, shutting your eyes tightly and willing the tears away. “It’s gonna be okay,” you whisper, your voice coming out shaky as you try reassuring yourself that this isn’t the end of the world. Finally you pull out of the parking lot, mentally preparing yourself for the rest of the day.

—

Johnnie, Jake, and Tara are all hanging out in your living room. When you arrived home they were watching a scary movie, a common occurrence in your friend group. You all usually chilled at home, opting for cozy nights in over loud, hectic nights out. Johnnie saved a spot for you, complete with your favorite blanket, a bag of popcorn, and a cold drink. You trudged inside, plopping the bag of food on the kitchen counter before making a quick appearance in the living room.

Everyone was excited to see you, they always were, and although you were excited to see them too, you just greeted them quickly before retreating to your room. Usually you’d be extremely bubbly, obnoxiously hugging everyone and immediately cuddling up to Johnnie. So, when you offered everyone a meek wave, Johnnie knew something was wrong.

Johnnie immediately picked up on the way your shoulders slumped and your feet dragged along the floor. He noticed that there was an underlying red tint in your eyes, they were glossed over from the tears you previously shed. Your shoes were wet and muddy, your face was swollen from the dental appointment, and your usual smile was replaced by a small frown. You just looked drained, and that was unusual for someone who was usually bouncing off the walls with energy.

Yours and Johnnie’s personality difference was one of the greatest defining factors in your relationship. Where he was more laid back and mysterious, you were energetic and outgoing. Of course he wasn’t shy, but he was extremely reserved in unfamiliar situations, while you were always ready to dive in head first no matter the scenario.

The movie plays lowly in the background, the soft light from the tv illuminating the dark room just enough for everyone’s faces to be visible. You’ve been home for an hour at this point, but you haven’t come out of your room since. Even Jake and Tara have noticed, all three of them murmuring about what could possibly be wrong. You were the light of the group, if you were sad then everyone was sad. “Do you think she’s sick?” Tara asks, sending Johnnie a worried look.

“I don’t know, probably,” Jake says with a shrug before Johnnie can respond, Jake always did a good job of being acutely unaware of everything.

“I was asking Johnnie,” Tara replies with an eye roll, scoffing before pausing the movie. “She went to the dentist today, maybe she’s just tired,” Johnnie finally says, trying to think of any and every reason you could be sad.

Tara hums in response, satisfied with Johnnie’s answer. It seemed logical enough, most people were usually tired after dental appointments, especially when they had emergency work done. Tara presses play on the movie, leaning into Jake again as she tries getting comfy. Johnnie tries focusing on the movie, watching as the characters on the screen run away from the whatever’s chasing them, but with each scene change his mind goes crazy. What could have you so upset?

He looks over at Jake and Tara, they’re cuddled up under a blanket as they share a bag of popcorn. That’s when Johnnie realizes that not only does he feel like a third wheel, but he should be comforting you instead of sitting here barely paying attention to a movie.

“Let me go check on her,” Johnnie says abruptly, throwing the blanket on his lap to the side and standing from the couch. Jake and Tara watch in confusion as he disappears down the hallway before averting their attention back to the movie.

Even though it’s Johnnie’s room too, he knocks on the door softly before walking in. “Y/n?” his voice is hushed, not wanting to scare or startle you incase you’re asleep. The room is pitch black and quiet, the only light coming from your phone. You’re rolled over on your side, scrolling aimlessly on TikTok in search of something that’ll make you feel better. So far, nothing’s worked.

You hear him but you don’t respond, so he tries again, “Baby?” He slowly walks over to the bed, pulling up the covers and crawling in next to you. Usually you’d melt into his touch, but as he wraps an arm around you, you just continue scrolling on your phone. Johnnie doesn’t take it personally though because he knows that this isn’t how you usually act, “you okay?” He feathers a finger over your face, brushing the stray hair out of the way as he kisses your cheek.

That kiss is enough to bring the emotions flooding back again, causing you to scrunch your face and immediately begin crying. A small, downturned smile forms on Johnnie’s face as he pulls you into him. It’s such a sad sight to see you cry, but he’s happy that you’re comfortable enough to let it all go in front of him. He knows that it takes a lot to make you this upset and he’s ready to listen for as long as you need him to, “wanna talk about it?”

You sniffle, rubbing the tears away aggressively as you mumble, “God, I feel so pathetic right now.” There was nothing pathetic about being sad, everyone has bad days and it’s normal to cry every once in a while, but you couldn’t help but feel silly. “It’s okay to cry,” he murmurs, pressing another kiss to your cheek.

“There’s people with real problems in this world, though… I just feel so stupid for letting today drain me,” you whisper, rolling over so you’re facing Johnnie. He takes in your appearance; your eyes are bloodshot, your cheeks are flushed, and your lips are swollen. Your eyelashes are so wet they’re webbed together, each blink leaving a trail of tears on your cheeks. Johnnie gingerly wipes the tears away, placing a quick kiss on your nose.

“Just tell me about your day, it’ll make you feel better,” he replies, chuckling a little at your attempt to deter your feelings and defer the conversation. You inhale deeply, slowly nodding your head as you prepare to verbally relive the horrible day you had. You retell the day’s events, including every single detail from your trip to the dentist to your encounter with the angry McDonald’s manager. “What a bitch,” Johnnie grumbles, shaking his head.

You immediately feel better, but still not well enough to emerge from your dark cave to hangout with your friends. “Feel better?” Johnnie asks, a genuine smile playing on his face. You smile back for the first time since you woke up today, “a little.”

“Good,” he places a kiss on your lips, allowing your lips to mould together. The impromptu make-out session is sweet and innocent, serving as a reminder that Johnnie is always here to comfort you through the hard times and that you’re allowed to have a bad day or two.

“Can we just stay here for a little bit?” you ask, cuddling into Johnnie’s chest and letting his heartbeat begin to lull you to sleep. He hums in response, pulling you in closer and pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

You fall asleep, feeling like the bad day you had no longer mattered.

—

MASTERLIST

a/n:

hope this comforting, fluffy Johnnie fic warms everyone’s hearts

-L.A.M.B👼🏻💗

—

taglist: @nicksmainbitch @sturniololovers @mayhem-72 @worldlxvlys @gnxosblog @meg-sturniolo @creamoncreamoncream2

note: if you want to be tagged in my fanfic related posts, you can access my TAGLIST and comment 🎀✨

#teapartyanonreqs✨💗#johnnie guilbert x you #johnnie guilbert <3 #johnnie guilbert x y/n #johnnie guilbert x reader #johnnie guilbert fanfic #johnnie guilbert #johnnie guilbert fluff #johnnie guilbert headcannons #johnnie guilbert smut #jake and johnnie #Johnnie one shot #Johnnie guilbert oneshot #Johnnie guilbert angst

583 notes · View notes

lovelybrooke · 6 months

Text

Darling, Let us Love You (Yandere Ouran High School Host Club) Chapter 1.

Series Masterlist~~Regular Masterlist

(Just for reference, while in readers pov I'll be using he/him pronouns for haruhi. For haruhi's or other characters pov, I'll be using she/her.)

---

Your hand hovers over a cup filled with paintbrushes as your eyes stay trained on your painting. It was not close to being finished, only the base colors being blocked in, but it was still magnificent. It loomed over you on a wall in front of you, definitely the biggest painting you've ever done. It was intimidating, but in a good way, you were proud of yourself.

It was a nice feeling, you've been struggling a lot lately with adapting to your new school. When you first enrolled into Ouran, you didn't really know what to expect. You've never heard much about the school, but that was to be expected. Even after you started classes, you made the active decision to keep to yourself, constantly afraid of even looking at your classmates. You avoided everyone like the plague, spending most of your time in the safety of the first-year art classroom.

It was only in the classroom when you felt like you could actually be yourself. It was extremely large, and left you daydreaming about what the higher level art classrooms looked like.

The teacher was kind, and sympathized with your plight. He could tell from day one that you were pretty awkward, fumbling in any social interaction you were forced into. He knew first hand how the other students at Ouran thought, and so he allowed you to spend time in his classroom, even when he wasn't there.

Now, you spend all your time here, in the art room, alone. It's not like you mind it that much. You've never really been good at making friends, so you didn't mind spending time by yourself. Though, you couldn't deny the loneliness you felt, especially whenever you came home to your grandparents. They were always so worried about you, spending so much time in your room.

A part of you wanted to be better for them, to put yourself out there for them. But it was hard, and you were so afraid of what other people had to think that you rather lock yourself away from anyone than have someone dislike you.

"Excuse me." There was an unrecognizable voice that caused your hand to shake, knocking over the paintbrushes onto the ground. It turn slowly, offering a nervous smile to the stranger.

The stranger jumps, rushing over to help pick up your brushes. "Oh! I'm so sorry." You wave him off, moving towards the ground to pick up the brushes in embarrassment. The stranger however, laughs, his brown hair falling in front of his eyes a bit.

"Don't worry, I was the one to scare you." He say softly, handing you the paintbrushes which you gingerly take, making sure not to get any pain from your hands on him. You waste no time putting the brushes away in your bag, ignoring the stranger as he stares at you with a raised brow.

"You're (Y/n) (L/n), right?" You nod, slightly confused. The stranger must've been able to tell, because he shakes his head while rubbing the back of his head a bit. "I'm Haruhi Fujioka, I'm the other scholarship student." Oh! That makes more sense now, you were sure they seemed familiar but you couldn't tell from where. You've seen him around school once or twice, but lately you've seen them less and less.

"I'm sorry if I surprised you, I just wanted to see if you actually existed." His statement made you even more embarrassed, if that was even possible. You look away from the boy as you sling your bag over your shoulder. You didn't know what exactly to say in this situation, letting out a dry laugh instead.

Haruhi must've gotten distracted, because instead of saying anything, there was silence. You look back in his direction, noticing him staring at your painting. "Did you paint this?" He asks softly, which you nod quickly at. You feel your grip tighten on the straps of your bag as you watch Haruhi silently judge your painting. Your mind could only image what he was thinking. They probably thought it was terrible, that it was childish and boring.

"It's beautiful." There was only sincerity in his voice. "You're so talented." He whispers to you as you stare at him in awe.

The death grip on your bag lightens "thank you" you say, getting a smile out of boy. The smile quickly leaves though when he notices the bag on your side.

"Are you leaving? Let me walk you out." Haruhi takes you hand, leading you out of the classroom. You swear you can hear your brain short-circuit when he takes your hand in his without a worry.

Once out of the classroom, you remove your hand from Haruhi, mind clearing from your embarrassment. You thank him quickly, bowing slightly as you try to walk away from this awkward situation. "(Y/n)! Wait!" Haruhi hurries after you, stopping you in your tracks.

Haruhi looked nervous, his pale face a slight scarlet as he hold out his phone towards you. "C-can I have your number?" He asks with a small stutter. "I just--you're the only other normal person here..." You understand what he's trying to say, but you're still surprised. Nonetheless, you take his phone and punch in your number, handing it back to him quickly.

A smile graces his face when you hand his phone back. "Thank you!" He says. "If you want--we can hang out tomorrow." The suggestion made your heart soar, and you nod with a giggle, giving him one last wave before walking out of the school and on home.

---

"Kyoya? Did you know there was another scholarship student enrolled here?" Haruhi asks the host, who looks at her through his glasses. He smirks, tilting his head.

"Why, of course." He says with a smile. "It's my job to know about the students enrolled at our wonderful academy."

"Sure." She responds, looking at her phone, your number displayed on her screen. There were no messages from you, which for some reason, sent a pang through her chest. What were you doing right now? Maybe you were busy and that's why you haven't texted her yet, that made the most sense. It's only been a day, but Haruhi couldn't help but really want to talk to you again.

"Aww-Haruhi." Hikaru started. "Do you have a crush~" Kaoru finished. She moves away from the teasing brothers, groaning at the matching smirks on their faces.

"No, they're just the only normal person here, of course I want to get to know them." She responds, taking a seat on a near by couch, which the orange haired twins follow her to. She repeatedly checks her phone, for what exactly, she doesn't know.

The brothers look at each other with a mischievous look, "Do you know if they're in our year or not?" Haruhi nods slowly, putting her phone in her pocket.

"Yeah, but I don't think I have any classes with them." Now that she thinks of it, you're pretty quiet. If you did have classes with you, she wouldn't know.

"You don't have any classes with them." Kyoya mentions from his spot off to the side. Haruhi stares at him in disbelief, while the twins giggle together. She knows Kyoya is noisy, but she wouldn't expect him to know your schedule.

"Well that settles it then." Hikaru spoke, now sitting at Haruhi's side.

"We'll just have to meet them on our own time." Kaoru said at her other side. Both of them were shrugging, but she could clearly recognize the playfulness in them. It made her heart sink into her stomach, causing her to shoot up from them couch in a mixture of disbelief and annoyance.

"No, no, absolutely not!" She says, pointing at the two, who were both pouting at her. "You guys are just sign to scare them away!" She yells, brows furrowed in frustration, which only made the brothers more excited.

"Why are you yelling, Haru-chan?" Haruhi straightens her back, eyes widening at the sight of Honey. The upperclassman entered the room with a yawn, rubbing his eyes from the bright light. He must've just woken up from a nap, thankfully he's in a good moods.

"Sorry Senpai, it's noth--"

"Haruhi has a new friend~" The twins say in tandem, giggling when Honey's demeanor instantly changes, his eyes lighting up as a smile decorates his face. With a laugh, he rushes over to Haruhi, wrapping his arms around her in tight hug.

"Really, Haru-chan!?" Honey looks up at the host, eagerness written all over his face. "Can I meet them, pretty please." Haruhi had to swallow down an annoyed groan, patting Honey on the head while shaking her head lightly. Instantly, Honey's smile was replaced with a deep frown, his lip quivering a bit as a stared at Haruhi with sad eyes.

"B-but Haru-chan..." He lets out a small cry "I wanna meet your friend..." He begged, hugging Mori as he was picked up by him. She sighs, shaking her head as she grips the bridge of her noise in frustration. She just wanted to hang out with you, she didn't expect all this to happen, but that was her mistake. She should've known this was how the host would react.

"Haruhi!" Oh no, not him. For the millionth time today, she felt her heart nearly stop. If anyone had to find out, why did it have to be Tamaki. She knows he'd throw it out of proportion, confronting you directing and making sure you weren't a "threat." She gives the club leader a deadpan look, attempting to calm her beating heart. Tamaki didn't look phased, staring at her accusingly. "You didn't tell me you had friend!"

"Yeah, I didn't." She responds blankly. It's almost like I didn't want to. She kept that in her head. Tamaki looks almost hurt at the girls blank stare, but he preservers, straighten his back and smiling at her.

"You should invite them to the host club, we would love to meet them." He sounded pretty insincere, still prompting the other members to look at her, expecting her to agree. The twins were still smiling, like it was permanently etched onto their faces. Kyoya and More look impassive, which was pretty normal, while Honey was ecstatic, nodding his head along with Tamaki's words.

"I just met them yesterday, I think that's a pretty big leap."

"Well." Kyoya spoke up, pushing up his glasses. "We can take this as an opportunity to make sure they aren't a threat to business." Haruhi titled her head, confused and slightly worried. "What would your dear guest think if you started getting close to a random student?, a commoner nonetheless." Kyoya explained.

Haruhi didn't want to admit it, but he was right. It isn't uncommon for guests to get jealous, though Haruhi didn't have to deal with it as much compared to the others. But that shouldn't be a problem, right? You're just a friend, and she planned on keeping you away from the Host Club, but that was ruined.

Haruhi rolled her eyes, nodding her head stiffly, like it was painful to agree. "Fine." She spat out, crossing her arms. Honey was the most excited, smiling from his spot in Mori's arms, while the twins looked like they were already scheming something up. Haruhi, in contrast, was annoyed, a frown on her face and her posture not befitting a host. She wanted you to be her friend, and she knew that you would be drawn away from her if you met the hosts.

She pulls out her phone, hurriedly typing a message before shoving it back into her pocket with a little bit too much force.

She just wanted this day to be over.

---

Haruhi Fujioka: Could you meet me in music room 3 after club activities are over?

That was the first message you received from Haruhi, which made you slightly confused, to say the least. You didn't keep up much with the school, but it was known fact that music room 3 was the club room for the Host Club.

You didn't know much about the Host Club, and what you didn't know was learned against your own volition. Most rumors regarding the others members, non of which you knew. Since you spend most of your time in the art classroom, you haven't seen them around the school and you're pretty sure you don't have any classes with them.

Wanting to meet after club activities was also confusing. You stayed late after school on days you didn't have work, so you knew most clubs went pretty long. You didn't want to hold Haruhi up, but you also didn't want to make Haruhi uncomfortable by suggesting another time to meet.

Haruhi's your first friend here, you didn't want to mess this up.

(Y/N) (L/N): Yeah sure.

You sent the response a few minutes after Haruhi's first message, but Haruhi's response came quickly.

Haruhi Fujioka: Okay great! See you then.

You closed your phone, putting it away in your bag and grabbed your lunchbox. It was pretty small, but was enough for you. You mostly took food from the bakery you worked at. It sold coffee and backed goods, so whenever you could, you'd ask your boss for anything they could give. Your grandparents were old, and you didn't want to worry about you eating, especially when you already didn't have that much money.

Today's lunch two slices of bread with some jam, some vegetables and fruit, a long with a small piece of candy as a treat. You always chose to eat your lunch in a classroom, since the only time you ate in the lunchroom you were stared at the entire time. To this day you didn't know if it was because of the food or your clothes.

You couldn't even get a bite in before someone burst into the room. You jumped, holding onto your lunchbox for dear life as two matching figures enter into the room unceremoniously. It was strange, even their chaos was synchronized, both falling on the floor together. They both huff a bit before two pairs of eyes meet yours, two matching smiles adorning their faces, causing you to gape a bit, fearful.

"Um--hello?" You whisper, placing your lunchbox back down on the table. The two barely acknowledge you as they stand up, recovering from the debacle quickly. They stare at you, almost menacingly, your heart racing in your chest. It races even faster when they both take seats down across from you.

They both prop their arms on the table, placing their chins down on their hands, smirks on their faces. Somehow they were even more synchronized up close, everything down to their creases in their brows were similar. It was kind of unsettling, making you back away from them a bit, hoping they didn't notice.

"So, you're Haruhi's new friend." The boy on the left declares. It wasn't a question, so you didn't know what to do other than nod slowly.

"Aww--you're kinda quiet aren't ya?" The one of the right laughs, his brother laughing a long with him. You bite the inside of cheek, embarrassed. You didn't like them already, and all you wanted to do was leave. You kept eyeing the door, hoping for a way out.

"I--uh--met him yesterday so I wouldn't really call us friends." You mumble, not looking at the two. Your eyes flickered in between your hands in your lap and the door. Would it be considered rude to start packing your stuff up now?

"I'm Hikaru!" The one on the right said.

"I'm Kaoru!" The one on the left said.

So neither of them can sense your discomfort. That or they're ignoring it.

You wave to them, you movement robotic and stilted. "I'm (Y/n). Why are you here?" You cut straight to the point, all this being too much to handle. The twins don't seem to care about question, both standing up and sitting down next to you so that you're now trapped in between the two.

"We just want to learn more about Haruhi's new friend." Hikaru, who you recognized due his voice said. While they haven't spoke much, his voice was much deeper than his brothers, making it slightly easier to tell them apart.

"What's so wrong with that?" Kaoru completed his brother's sentence. You shake your head, you're not going to finish lunch, aren't you.

"Are you friends with Haruhi." You ask, tilting your head towards Hikaru. His smile doesn't reach his eyes, which tells you it's most likely fake, not so surprising.

"Oh~ you don't know?" Hikaru laughs. "We're in the same club together."

"Do you know anything about the school you attend?" You turn your head to look at Kaoru, annoyed at his statement. Sorry that you didn't know something about the person you just met yesterday. "Haruhi's a part of the Host Club."

Your eyes widen a bit but honesty, you're not that shocked. Haruhi's pretty attractive, even you could admit that. Even though they didn't really seem like someone to join a Host Club, who were you to judge someone you just met.

"Oh." You nod, standing up. You were officially tired, and classes were about to start. You didn't want to be late for class, so you grabbed your bag and slung it over your shoulder. Turning, you don't miss the slight hint to surprise on both the twins faces. You bow slightly towards them, holding onto your bag as you do so. "Well, either way, if you're friends with Haruhi, I hope we can be friends as well."

You don't stay long enough to get their reactions.

---

The sky was a nice shade of pink as the sun descends on the horizon. You can't spend too much time taking in the scenery though, as your main job is finding your way to music room 3. This school was too big for no reason at all. Honesty, why couldn't you and Haruhi just meet someplace that didn't require you to walk up flights of stairs to get anywhere.

Eventually, after getting lost multiple times, you managed to find your way to the music room. The large doors that kept you out were intricate, like everything else in this school, and only served to make you nervous. You questioned even stepping a foot inside, debating leaving Haruhi and coming up with some elaborate excuse. Maybe this was some prank that Haruhi and the Host Club were all a part of, that's why he wanted to meet you after school where others wouldn't see you. You knew it was far fetched, Haruhi seemed nice, but your mind seemed keen on making you feel as scared as possible.

You exhaled quietly before opening the door, taking small steps in. The room was still decently bright due to the amount of natural light. It was honestly beautiful, the pink sky bringing in warm light that made you just a little less afraid.

"Oh! You must be Haru-chan's friend!" You were stunned out of your peaceful state by what sounded like a child. That couldn't be right though, you assumed until you felt something attach itself to you. Looking down, you were met with the sight of a small boy, a bright smile etched across his face. "I'm Honey! It's so nice to meet you!"

You didn't know what to do in this situation, freezing up in peer surprise. You open your mouth in an attempt to say something, but your brain is unable to come up with anything to say as another person comes up behind who you now know as Honey.

"Mitsukuni, you're scaring them." The tall boy say, detaching Honey from you. Honey gasps dramatically, eyeing you with a sorry look.

"Really?!" He gapes. He seriously couldn't tell? " I'm sorry..." He mumbles, laying his head on the taller boys shoulder. You laugh nervously, rubbing the back of your neck.

"I-It's fine." You murmur. "Have you seen Haruhi? I was supposed to meet him here." Honey's eyes lit up, nodding excitedly like he wasn't just moping a second ago.

"Yeah! He was looking for you!" He looked around the room from a top of his friend. "I don't know where he went though..."

"Hey~" Oh no.

"You came~" It was the brothers again. You felt one of them wrap him arm around you, moving your head to see it was Hikaru, who was smirking you down playfully. "We didn't think you would." You cringe slightly underneath his arm, attempting to back away without causing too much of a scene. It didn't work, because the moment you got free from Hikaru's hold, Kaoru was there to wrap his arm around you.

"Hikaru, Kaoru--oh, you're here." There was yet another person, this time a tall boy with glasses. He looks way too mature to be hanging around these weirdos, but the coy smile makes you sink into the floor. "Hello, I'm Kyoya Ootori, you must be Haruhi's friend." You slowly move out of Karou's hold, his arm dropping to his side.

"Yeah, I guess..." You say, moving closer to him. Honestly you just wanted to get away from the twins, whose gaze wouldn't leave you. Kyoya's smile doesn't leave, like it was his default expression. He doesn't look away from you as he calls for Haruhi.

Haruhi doesn't take long to get to you, appearing from deeper in the room. Honestly, you didn't realize how big the room was until then.

Haruhi looked relieved to see you, his face softening when he meets your eyes. Next to him, was yet another new person, causing your shoulders to sag as you await yet another weird social interaction. "I'm sorry." Haruhi says when he reaches you. "I was busy with club stuff."

You nod, bringing your face closer to Haruhi to whisper in his ear. "That's fine, but why am I here?" You couldn't wrap your head around it. Haruhi looks confused for a second, before taking a quick glance around the room and instantly understanding your plight.

"Sorry." He rubs the bridge of his nose, letting out a deep sigh. "They wanted to meet you." He looks annoyed, glaring at his club members.

You nod, still kinda confused. "Alright well, I'm (Y/n), it's nice to meet you." You say, bowing. Before anyone else could speak up, Haruhi was pushed to the side lightly and you became face to face with the blond host that was with Haruhi.

"What do you have with my Haruhi?!" You step away as he yells at you. His Haruhi?, weird but okay. You gape, searching your brain for an answer.

"Uh--nothing? Haruhi was the one who talked to me first." You finally answered. It wasn't a great answer, but the only one you could come up with. At the response, the blonde became less apprehensive, backing away from you while cupping his chin in thought.

"Senpai, leave them alone, you're acting weird." Haruhi spoke blankly. The boy frowns at the statement, becoming kind of pathetic as you visibly deflates.

The twins, who you almost forgot were here, took place on each side of the host. "Come on boss, you're not that weird." They said together. You don't agree but that doesn't really matter. You watch as the blond host becomes even more depressed, crouching down on the floor dramatically while mumbling to himself.

"Is this how they usually act?" You whisper to Haruhi.

"Yeah, I'm sorry." You shake your head.

"It's fine, just wish you would've warned me, y'know?" Haruhi blushes a bit in embarrassment, nodding a long with your words.

"It's not your fault, (Y/n)." You jumped a the sound of Kyoya's voice, he was standing right next to you. "It's not everyday Haruhi brings someone over, it makes sense that Tamaki would be in shock." So that's his name, Tamaki. You've heard of him around school, mostly from the girls who swooned over him. You never expected him to act this...pathetic.

You don't respond to Kyoya, to busy watching Tamaki get made fun of by the twins. It's honestly kinda funny, and nearly brings a smile to your face. The smile never comes however, as you're interrupted by a notification from your phone.

"Dang it, I'm late for work." You murmur.

Haruhi gasps. "I'm so sorry." He says, clearly embarrassed and a little overwhelmed. "I-I'll talk to you tomorrow."

You nod, not wasting time walking out of the club room. You don't really know what today was, to much happening for you to really process. It made you crave getting to work, just so you could be anywhere but inside that room with those people.

Back in the club room, however, Haruhi was holding back from scolding the others. She knew from the very beginning that they were going to blow this out of proportion, she just hopes they don't ruin this for her.

#yandere x reader #soft yandere #platonic yandere #yandere ohshc #ohshc x reader #yandere ouran high school host club #ouran high school host club x reader #ouran high school host club #ouran host club

669 notes · View notes

tojisbbg · 1 year

Text

❈ 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸 𝗺𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻 ❈

❝one day i will stop falling in love with you, some day, someone will like me like i like you.❞

♡ manjiro sano ♡

pt.1, pt. 2

a/n: highly requested for pt. 2!! you ask and i shall deliver 😌

content: mikey x reader (y/n), very heavy angst, right person wrong time, you’re mikey’s childhood friend, he’s getting married (lolz), not grammatically checked/edited

...

it was currently seven in the evening, the newlyweds bid the last couple of guests goodbye. throughout the whole event, mikey tried his very best to plaster on the most convincing smile he possibly could to mask the chaos going on inside him.

there was never a second where you’ve left his mind, ghosting through every lane in his brain as he couldn’t focus on anything but you. he felt guilty, knowing that perhaps his marriage wasn’t going to last as long as he had hoped for.

“better invite us to the housewarming party, sano. your wife’s cookies are no joke.” pah nudged mikey, a small laugh leaving his chapped lips as he faintly nodded his head. mikey watched pah walking towards the door before suddenly stopping, watching as his friend bent down to fix the bottom of his wife’s dress. the hopeless boy couldn’t help but watch, observing the affection and love reciprocating between pah and his wife, before they both left together.

in the back of his mind, the memory of you zipping up his jacket properly during the cold winter season, lending him your scarf and making sure that he was all warm and snuggled up was fresh in his mind. you always made sure that he never got sick and when he did, you would ditch everything in your agenda to make it your business to nurse him back to health.

no one has ever cared for him like you have and mikey knew what he had to do.

“honey?” the voice of his wife awakened him from his train of thoughts, turning his head to the side as he was met with a warm smile. god, he felt so guilty for what he has done and was about to do.

“yeah?” he responded, waiting for her to ask.

“i was thinking that the two of us could have a small movie night when we get home.” she suggested, eyes twinkling with hope as mikey gulped harshly.

home.

they bought a house together and planned to live there forever until time was up. but, he always wished that it was you instead. mikey couldn’t bare to look her in the eye, clearing his throat as he tried to think of an excuse.

“it’s been a long day, you must be tired. i’ll drop you home and go over to ken-chin’s place since he suddenly left and isn’t answering my calls. get some rest, okay?” he lied straight through his lips, and his poor wife was too naive and quickly sympathized with it.

“of course, i hope him and y/n are okay. let me know what happens, hm?” suddenly, she wrapped her arms around him, making him freeze.

it felt so wrong, like he was being suffocated. mikey didn’t like this one bit at all, it felt too new and unpleasant. he’s been with ___ for a couple years by now and these things were never an issue. yet, after your sudden confession, the regret of not coming clean to his feelings years back ate him alive.

“hm, let’s go.” mikey gave her a smile, placing a hand on her back as he led her out of the church.

the drive to his house was not very long, giving him enough time to quickly slip out of the annoying suit as he slipped on a pair of jeans and a flannel. he saw his wife sitting on the couch, a small bag of chips in her hands as she munched on the salty snack while watching a rom-com movie. she noticed him and gave him a wave, making mikey want to rip his hair out as he just wanted to tell her the truth.

but, he wasn’t ready yet.

he walked over to her and place a faint kiss on her forehead before looking down at her.

“i’ll be back soon.” mikey assured, making her nod as she watched his figure walk out of the front door.

the ride to the brothel was about thirty minutes, making mikey curse on why he bought a place that had to be so far. the urgency to see you grew stronger and stronger with every light and block he passed. mikey quickly parked his car after arriving in front of the brothel before rushing out to go up to the floor where you and draken lived on.

the elevator dinged and he stepped off, now standing in front of your door. his breathing became irregular, anxiety swallowing him up whole. all the possibilities of you hating him and banishing him away from your life scared him to death. a shaky fist came up to the wooden door, knocking twice.

the door opened, revealing his tall best friend, staring down at him with a death stare that made chills run down his spine.

“ke-”

“what do you want?” draken brashly cut him off, making mikey’s lips agape as this sudden behavior from his right-hand man was completely unexpected. surely he knows that you might’ve ranted to draken about whatever happened between you two, but usually draken doesn’t like to get involved in neither your or mikey’s personal life.

“i just came to see y/n and talk with her, five minutes is all i’m asking for.” mikey chewed on his lower lip, eyes sternly on his shoes as he couldn’t bare to see his friend look at him with such hate-filled eyes. draken bitterly laughed, making mikey wince in pain as he knew that this was going to be bad.

“oh, so now you wanna see her, huh? you disappeared for nine fucking years, sano. nine damn years! you didn’t care about my little sister at all, whether she was alive or dead. did she tell you that she fell sick from not eating because she was looking for you? how she couldn’t sleep a single night in peace ‘cause she thought you were dead? of course not, you were too busy being blind and fucking some other bitch.” draken yelled through gritted teeth, making mikey look up at him with anger.

“mind your fucking words, don’t call ___ a bitch.” the shorter spat out, tension growing between the both.

“how rude of me, i forgot that you were a gentleman. well then, goodnight.” draken scoffed, attempting to close the door before a foot lodged into the remaining space.

“please, all i’m asking for is five minutes.” mikey begged, tears welling in his eyes.

“you had nine years to talk to her, but you didn’t. there is no five minutes, mikey.” the taller spoke, voice know cracking as mikey’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“w-what do you mean? where’s y/n? don’t just stay quiet, answer me!” he grabbed onto draken’s arms, only to have it harshly ripped away from his grasp.

“she’s dead! y/n is dead, my sister is gone.” the tears that draken has been holding on since mikey has arrived came flooding down, as he glared at his best friend with bitterness.

the words kept on repeating inside of mikey’s mind, taunting him as it felt like time has stopped. for some reason, it felt as if his body turned into stone, he couldn’t move. suddenly, a wave of rage began to build up, making him grit his teeth before balling his fists. anger clouded his sight as all he saw was red, eyes darkening.

“you piece of shit!” mikey bellowed, lunging towards draken before landing a hard punch on his jaw. remi screamed in horror, panicking as she saw both men breaking out into a violent fight.

“you knew about her tumor! you fucking knew and you didn’t tell me?! what kind of a fucking friend are you, traitorous jackass!” mikey continued to throw endless amounts of punches on draken’s face, receiving some back as well, but no matter how hard draken hit, he felt numb.

“stop!” remi yelled, before throwing her shoe at mikey’s head, making him wince at the stinging pain the heel left. draken was on the ground, breathing heavily as he shoved the smaller figure on top of him to the side.

“do you think that beating each other to death will bring y/n back? do you think she’ll be happy? huh?!” the girl sobbed, landing a hard slap on each of their cheeks as both draken and mikey looked down at the floor in shame.

“her death was inevitable, that tumor was a ticking bomb. she’s finally free from those painful chemo sessions, headaches, vomiting and seizure episodes. she won’t suffer anymore.” remi sadly smiled, body trembling as draken pulled her into his chest.

“i deserved to know, she was my other half.” mikey lowly spoke, tears pooling in his eyes, blurring his vision.

“you didn’t deserve shit, sano. all y/n has ever done is love you with all her heart. you were her world, everything revolved around you. yet, you failed to notice that. what did you do instead? you fucking disappeared without a word. oh and even better, you found some chick too. you never cared about my baby sister, you didn’t! so stop acting like the victim here.” draken sneered, meeting mikey’s teary eyes as he grew quiet.

“i was trying to protect her, i was afraid that my presence in her life would do more harm than good. i was scared that one day something bad would’ve happened to her because it involved something to do with me. i couldn’t risk it, that why i even disbanded toman.” mikey explained, breaking out into a painful cry as his heart bled.

“did you even love her?” draken questioned, watching the man in front of him choke on tears.

“god, i loved her to the moon and back! she was all that i could think of every second that i breathed. if i knew sooner, then i would’ve never left. i would’ve never been a coward, i’d stay by her side to protect her. i could’ve had more time!” mikey yelled in agony, making draken grab a hold of him.

“it would’ve never been enough! y/n didn’t tell you because she knew that it would’ve destroyed you.” draken hugged him, patting his back as remi joined them both as well.

after a few minutes, draken decided to take remi outside for a small walk, feeling like they needed some fresh air. this gave mikey some time to go see you. he hesitated for a bit, not being able to face you even though you were long gone. but, he eventually mustered up the courage and opened your door.

there, you laid on the bed like a pretty flower, your skin pale as snow due to the life in you being drained out.

“i know you told me that you didn’t wanna see me again, but i missed you. i don’t wanna let you go, y/n. i can’t live without my other half, i love you so much.” he cried, stroking your cold face as his tears fell on your cheek.

if only he knew, he would’ve cherished you longer.

---

mikey walked inside his house, eyes swollen from crying in the car, nearly getting into an accident twice from his blurred vision.

he saw his wife with a teary face, her friend my her side rubbing her back. the both of them noticed his appearence, and instead of a look of relief, the both of them looked angry.

mikey stood in his place, watching his wife rise from her spot and walking towards him before landing a harsh slap on his face.

“you fucking cheater! you don’t love me, i was your escape route. you love y/n, don’t you?” she asked, voice becoming shaky as she looked at mikey through glossy eyes.

mikey remained quiet, and there she got her answer.

“i knew it, i knew it! yet i still had some trust and hope within you that my guts were wrong. that maybe those little gestures you both gave each other was nothing but platonic. i was wrong, you and that two-faced bitch lied to me!” she screamed in agony.

“watch you mouth! you don’t get to call her that, you heard me? everything that she has ever done for anyone was nothing but a selfless act. you don’t know her.” mikey said through gritted teeth, making his wife scoff.

“yeah? well, you can now go back to her and continue to kiss her mighty ass ‘cause i want a divorce.” she sternly said, crossing her arms over her chest before walking to the door with her friend.

“i’ll get you the papers by next week.” mikey bluntly said, not even trying to fight or defend himself. he was tired and he didn’t want to live in an unhappy marriage for the rest of his life knowing that his heart belonged to you and only you.

“why? i wish to cut my ties with you as soon as possible.” she said with disgust laced in her tone.

“because i have to attend y/n’s funeral.” mikey deadpanned, making his wife’s mouth gape open.

“huh, guess karma is real. that’s what you get, sano.” his wife’s best friend taunted, making his now ex-wife giggle.

“i’ll come tomorrow to get my stuff. i can’t stand to stay here for another minute. also, i hope that two-faced bitch burns in hell.” she cockily said before heading out the door, slamming it shut.

---

it’s been about a month since you’ve died and mikey hasn’t visited your grave yet. he was there for your funeral, seeing how draken never requested the morgue people to not take off the promise ring you both have on your pinky finger. but, he didn’t stay for the burial.

mikey sat on the bench by the river, sighing as he fished out the pack of cigarettes he bought earlier. he opened the lid, plucking one of them out before placing it on his lips. as he brought his lighter closer to the end of the cigarette, your voice echoed in his mind.

“see, much better than cigarettes. but i was being serious, mikey, i don’t wanna see those near your lips or reach ever again. swear on my life?”

he took it out, placing it back in the package. mikey stood up, walking towards the garbage can before throwing out the pack of cigarettes.

mikey decided that it was time to see you.

he reached your grave as you were buried in the nearest cemetary, easy for your sibling to visit you on the weekends. mikey sat in front of your tombstone, placing the cup of chocolate pudding on the ground.

“felt like you wanted some.” he smiled, opening up his own as he took a scoop of the sweet treat in his mouth.

“how did i do it, y/n? how did i live all those years without you? now that you’re gone, i feel suffocated. it feels like i’m falling in this bottomless pit with no one to save me.” mikey’s voice broke, tears stinging his vision as he bit his lips to conceal a choked out cry that itched to leave his throat.

“you just have to find happiness again, mikey.” a soft voice spoke from behind him, the familiarity of the tone set chills all over his body. he turned around, eyes widening in shock as he couldn’t believe it.

“y/n?” he called out, but it was barely a whisper. mikey knew that you were dead, and that perhaps he was going insane, but he didn’t care.

you smiled at him, taking a seat in front of him as you grabbed the chocolate pudding he brought for you.

“are you real?” mikey finally mustered up the courage to ask, making you chuckle as you grabbed his hand. your flesh was cold, making him intertwine his fingers with yours in an attempt to give you some of his warmth.

“it’s time to let me go, mikey. you have to live, travel, start a family and just be happy; without me.” your eyes held so much sadness and depth, it no longer twinkled with hope like before, making his heart ache.

“i can’t. i need you by my side, y/n. please, come back.” he begged, shaky hands coming up to cup your face. tears began to stream down his face as he softly cried, making you sigh as you pulled him in a hug.

“do you remember our first meeting?” you asked, gently stroking his hair as he nodded.

“i told you, there’s too much love in this world to be consumed by regret or grief. i’m not saying that you shouldn’t grieve, but you have to pick yourself up and continue with the rest of your life eventually. that’s what i want, mikey.” you spoke, making him look at you with glossy eyes.

“if only i knew sooner, i would’ve done things so much more differently.” mikey sniffled, making you shake your head in disagreement.

“that’s why i didn’t tell you. my condition would’ve consumed you and i didn’t want that. i didn’t die in vain, i died knowing that i had a loving family and person who loved me for who i am. i’m happy, mikey and it’s time that you find that happiness too.” you assured, kissing his forehead as small drops of rain began to fall.

“i envisioned a happy life with you, with one or maybe two little kids running around our house. ken-chin and remi visiting us on christmas, road trips and so much more. i’ll wanted to marry you, y/n! you’re the only girl that i have ever loved, the one my heart belongs to.” mikey broke down, trembling as the rain drenched him. you couldn’t help but let a few of your own tears fall, watching the man that you love crumble to pieces.

“then marry me, sano.” you looked at him with adoring eyes, making him shoot you a confused look. you took off the promise ring on your pinkie before handing it to him. he took off his as he placed it in your palms, eyes never leaving yours.

he slid on the ring on your ring finger as you did the same to him. mikey gave you a soft smile before caressing your cheek.

“god, i love you so much.” mikey mumbled under his breath, leaning in for a kiss. you accepted it, and for some reason, your lips felt warm and soft.

“i love you too, which is why i need you to live for me. i’ll always be here with you mikey, somewhere safe and sound.” you placed a hand over his heart, making him cry harder as he nodded.

“okay. i’ll try, for you.” he offered you a broken smile, kissing your hands as you hummed.

“goodbye, mikey.” you said, and it made his heart drop.

“wait! don’t leave just yet! ple-”

but it was too late because now it was just him who sat alone by your grave. mikey saw that the pudding he got for you was gone, making him believe that the vision or ghost of you was in fact real.

you came back to him, even if it was for a moment.

mikey knew that he had to give his life a chance, a chance that you never got. which is why he promised to live to the fullest for you.

---

big flashing lights nearly blinded the famous race car driver as he cleared his throat, waiting for the interviewer to bombard him with questions.

“mr. sano! what a pleasure to have you here, thank you for joining us today.” the woman politely said, making mikey give her a small smile.

“the pleasure’s all mine, thank you for having me.” mikey smoothly replied, making the crowd swoon. for a man that was pushing his mid-thirties, mikey looked amazing, without a doubt. his voice was crisp and honey-like, making it hard for people to resist him.

not to mention the generous heart he has.

the interview was pretty long, consisting of questions that made mikey talk about his childhood, goals and inspirations. until the burning question hit him like a truck.

“mr. sano, you’ve got quite a fanbase.” the interviewer started off, being cut off by the loud squeals of mikey’s fangirls, making him chuckle.

“we all want to know, are you single?” the question pondered in his head, but mikey knew the answer and didn’t hesitate.

“i’m not, actually.” he revealed, making people gasp and scream from shock.

“who’s the lucky girl if i may ask?” the interviewer continued to ask for further information. mikey smiled, thinking about the only woman that will ever own his heart.

“my best friend, y/n. she’s my wife who unfortunately passed away a few years ago due to an inoperable brain tumor. she’s the love of my life and i miss her every day. i funded the research foundation for inoperable brain tumors in memory of her. she’s the biggest inspiration in my life and i hope she’s happy when she watches over me.” mikey spoke into the mic, making the crowd briefly go silent before a loud wave of claps echoed through the room.

“you’re a great man, mr. sano, i’m sure your wife is very proud of you. she sounds like an amazing woman.” the interviewer offered a consoling smile.

“she was. y/n was brilliant, she was smart and talented in almost every aspect. she’s my other half, which is why it made it hard for me to learn how to live without her after she passed away. but, she always told me how there was too much love in this world and i shouldn’t be consumed by grief. so, i picked myself back up and started something to give other people hope for a better tomorrow.” mikey explained, seeing how the audience was in tears from his heart-touching words.

for a breif moment, mikey saw you amongst the crowd. his eyes widened, seeing you in a beautiful cherry sundress, similar to the one you wear every summer in high school. you were clapping and you blew him a kiss, to which he caught as his eyes teared.

mikey knew that he would never stop falling in love with you and that he would let you break his heart over and over again.

because his heart belong to you and only you.

2K notes · View notes

ham-st4r · 7 months

Text

RELATIONSHIPS - L.HS

Pairing: heeseung + female reader!

Warnings: smut, protected/unprotected sex, crying, fluff, angst.

Summary: After your ex breaks up with you, you find yourself in a depressed stupor, crying yourself to sleep night after night, and one night, you go to the grocery store to stock up on more tissues and junk food. To your surprise, you run into an old friend, and for the first time since the breakup, you don’t cry yourself to sleep.

Wordcount: 3,280k

Note: Random late-night post is not proofread, and may even be a little rushed, but nevertheless, I hope you guys will like it. Happy reading! <3

A quiet pant falls from your lips as he snaps his hips at a fast pace, leaving you utterly breathless. Despite his quick thrusts, you find yourself still lusting for more. “Faster, heeseung,” you cry out with your eyes rolling to the back of your head as you grip onto the bedsheets while your friend fucks you.

Yes, your friend, if you could even really call him a friend. You hadn’t seen him for a few months, and you just happened to stumble across him while you stocked up on an unhealthy amount of tissues and ice cream, attempting to get over your ex who suddenly walked out because, in his words, he “lost feelings” just the thought makes you feel sick cause how the hell can you lose something that was never there to begin with if he could break things off with you without so much as a single tear you were convinced he never loved you and that you were just a simple time pass for him to use you until he didn’t want you anymore.

And what proved your suspicion of him never loving you was when you saw him attached at the lips with some other girl whose name you didn’t even know, not to say it matters, you just couldn’t believe the audacity of him you weren’t even crying cause he left you it was more the idea of all the time you wasted on him and the thought of never talking to the man you once loved ever again.

“Y/n! Long time no see,” a male voice interrupted you, stealing your attention away from the tub of strawberry ice cream you were just about to grab.

It’s been a while since you saw him last, but you could recognize his soothing voice with your eyes closed. It was heeseung, the guy your best friend tried to set you up with before you started dating your now ex. It’s not like you didn’t find heeseung attractive, but you knew so little about him, and by that time, he, who shall not be named, was already making advances towards you that you didn’t refuse cause at the time you thought he actually fucking cared about you. “Heeseung, hey!” A smile adorns your face, but truth be told, it’s a little forced because as soon as he opens his arms, you pull him into a side hug, and your smile immediately fades.

“It’s been a while,” he says and releases you with a fond sigh escaping his pink pouty lips.

“It has,” you reply awkwardly. “Just been busy with stuff, work, school ex’s, you know how that goes,” you say, shoulders deflating. As soon as you mention your ex, you avoid heeseung’s soft gaze and pick at a piece of plastic on your box of tissues.

“Oh,” he sympathizes with you. “I’m sorry to hear that.” he lowkey wasn’t sorry. That prick of a man that looked like someone had left him on the side of the road was no longer your boyfriend. His broke, ugly ass never deserved you anyway. However, he did feel sorry for you.

“Thank you for saying that.” you find yourself smiling slightly. It was nice hearing that someone actually somewhat cared.

“So what are you in here for? Just tissues?” He says with a compassionate smile while pointing at your tissue box, knowing exactly why you were buying them.

“And this,” you add and open the freezer door to grab your ice cream.

“That bad, huh?” He asks when you grab the large tub, and you simply nod your head. “Here you can put it in here with my stuff since it’ll be cold” he offers before you could protest he already had his stuff put aside in the cart so yours could fit in.

You happily put the cold container of ice cream in his cart along with your tissues.

“I just need one more thing,” he mumbles as you trail beside him.

“So I was thinking if you want to, maybe we could catch up sometime, maybe not now cause you’re not feeling good, but maybe sometime later, maybe?” The wheels on his cart make a slight squeaky sound as he turns down the aisle, and he cringes cause he said maybe way too many times just now.

Your eyes dart over to him for a second, and when you saw the hopeful look on his face, it was hard to say no, especially cause the last time he texted you, you left him on read. “Sure you still have my number?”

“Yep,” he was quick to say while casually grabbing a box of condoms from the shelf. He was embarrassed to buy them in front of you, but he was just getting what he needed. He wasn’t going to make another trip to the store just so he could keep his sex life a secret from you. Besides, it’s a plus cause he was being responsible.

You tried to remain calm and keep up with your unfazed attitude, but when you saw the size, he bought, it was damn near impossible for your mind not to wander to places it shouldn’t have been, especially since you just broke up with your ex not too long ago and for god's sake, you were a grown adult, and here you were acting awkward about him buying condoms. “Hey, I was thinking,” heeseung starts out, his voice pulling you from your once lustful thoughts. “I’m cooking dinner tonight, and you can come over only if you’re down, that is.” he stops at the register, scanning your items along with his.

“Take this!” You tried to give him your card, but he just ignored it, leaving your hand hanging in mid-air until you gave up and dropped it to your side.

“I got it, and don’t worry, I’m not like those creepy dudes that expect something in return,” he cooly swipes his card, not even batting a lash at his total.

“Well, thank you.” you were still kinda uneasy about him paying for you, but you trusted him cause he was your best friends friend, plus he said he wasn’t creepy, so bonus points and as for going to his house for dinner you’re sure you could work that out.

Dinner wasn’t the only thing you worked out heeseung was giving you more than enough of a workout as he pumped you full of his cock with perfect strokes inside your wet cunt. “You want it faster?” He groans, arm veins popping out as he holds himself up above you, ramming into you until his thighs smack against yours and little sweat beads trickle over his freshly washed sheets.

“Y-yes, please.” A hot breath escapes you, and you gasp when you feel his tip hitting spots deep within you that you didn’t even know you had.

Heeseung would be lying if he said that when he found out you were single again, he wasn’t thinking about getting to know you better and asking you out.

He still remembers the date you and him were supposed to go on, but it never happened cause you said no, obviously because you were interested in someone else, and of course, he didn’t mind that, but it just sucked that he got to you too late.

There were times he still thought about you, hence why he texted you, but when you didn’t answer, he didn’t want to pressure you and come across as a desperate weirdo. He had hopes of seeing you again, but he didn’t expect that to be tonight, and he definitely wasn’t expecting to use the condoms he had just bought.

But thanks to whatever higher being that was out there, tonight was his lucky night, and he wasn’t going to take it for granted.

“Fuck y/n,” he sucked in a breath obliging your wish and fucking into you faster until his bed started to squeak.

After dinner, he invited you to stay and watch some TV, offering you a glass of red wine in the process.

With nothing else to do, you agree you would rather be hanging out with him than sitting at home in bed and crying all night.

An hour later, the sound coming from the TV faded into nothing but background noise as he listened to you telling him about what happened between your ex. He reassuringly patted your knee and comforted you as you finished your story. “I’m sure there’re a lot of guys out there that wouldn’t pass up on a beauty like you.” he smiles, which in turn makes you look at the TV as a distraction from the way he looks at you.

He was so handsome that just making eye contact with him could make anyone blush. “Apparently not,” you sigh and give him the best smile that you could possibly muster. Before your boyfriend, you hadn’t been approached by very many men, and that did make you feel a little undesirable, especially after your ex broke up with you, and just hearing him say that made you feel better.

“Well then all the men you encounter must just be stupid” he chuckled and sipped the rest of his red wine before placing his cup back on the glass table in front of you both.

“Must be,” you laugh sadly and curl up on the sofa. Making yourself comfortable, he takes notice of your sad face and attempts to cheer you up.

“Don’t feel bad. I’m not taken either, and look at me.” he stands up, striking a pose and another and another until he succeeds in making you laugh before plopping back on the couch. “Don’t feel bad. Being single sucks, I’d know,” he laughs. “But that doesn’t mean you’re any less attractive or undesirable. It just means that the people around you have no idea what they’re missing out on.”

“Or we’re both just undesirable.” he looks at you and stares for five seconds before breaking out into a fit of laughter.

“That too,” he says once his laughter dies down. “Fuck relationships, right?”

He leans back and turns his head to look at you, and in that moment, you wondered if it was fate that he had seen you shopping alone in the store cause ever since he invited you to his place, you hadn’t thought about the pain of being broken up with instead you just remember him making you laugh a lot not to mention the dinner he cooked was absolutely amazing.

“Maybe they’re not all bad,” your voice drops a little above a whisper as you trace your index finger along his thigh. You’re not even sure where that came from, but at the moment, it felt right, so you decided to go with what felt right. “Right?”

He stiffens a bit but soon relaxes cocking an eyebrow. “Maybe not all.” he looks at your exposed leg and places his palm over your knee, stroking it softly.

You knew it wasn’t because of the alcohol content in the wine, but you needed something to blame for your next actions as you straddle his lap and wrap your arms around his neck.

Heeseung does his best to hide his shocked reaction by smiling softly and naturally placing his hands on your hips. “Do you want to find out?” You question and play with the little hairs on his nape.

“Are you saying you want to try with me?” He whispers, and you can’t help but smile when you hear him gulp and the way his eyes shake.

You bend down and lean in slightly to whisper in his ear. “Fuck me, and I’ll tell you” You grab his wrist, placing his palm over your core.

That was the bold move that got you to where you are right now.

Laying on your back and your friend plowing into you like there was no tomorrow. “You feel so fucking good, y/n,” he moans, gripping your thighs to add more strength to his thrusts.

“Please,” you whine, nibbling on your lip as you feel every inch of your walls being stimulated to the fullest. “H-heeseung,” you feel goosebumps form on your damp skin as your legs quiver from the sheer pleasure. “Cum in me, heeseung, please,” you beg him as you feel yourself getting close.

He twitches at your words alone. Nothing sounded more appealing than the idea of cumming in you raw, but at the back of his mind, he knew it wasn’t the best idea. “Are you even aware of what you’re asking me for?” He grits his teeth, holding off his orgasm as long as he possibly can.

“Yes, want to feel you, Want to feel all of you” You dig your nails into his biceps, clenching around him simultaneously, and the contrast between pain and pleasure could have made him cum then and there.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he says with no warning in his tone whatsoever, nor did he look away. He couldn’t. You looked too fucking small and cute below him for him to look away, and how could he say no to your sweet face and puppy eyes while you begged for his cum?

“Please, heeseung.” That was the final straw. He had no ounce of strength left to say no to you.

“Fuck it,” he murmurs, pulling out just long enough to discard the condom somewhere in his room before lining himself up with your hole and pushing back in slowly. “Oh my god,” he groans once he sinks back in, and the feeling of you wrapped around him raw and warm was unlike anything he’d ever felt before the fit so snug and tight.

Your mouth parted open, and you nearly went cross-eyed when you felt him deep and raw. Don’t get it confused. He felt amazing before, but without the condom, it was pure unadulterated pleasure. “Oh, heeseung.” You wrapped your legs around him, pulling him closer so you could feel him deeper.

“This feels so much better,” he chuckles as he slows down the pace so you both can feel each other fully.

“So much better.” you lock your hands behind his head, pulling his face closer to attach your lips together.

He leans up on his elbows, eyes fluttering open as he looks at you seriously. “Are you sure about this?” Now that the heat of things had died down a bit, he wanted to make sure it was what you really wanted.

“So sure,” you breathe against his lips. “Are you sure?” You asked him cause if he didn’t want to, you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

His hips tell you the answer before he does as he gradually picks up the pace. “So sure,” he smiled, and you’d think after pausing, the mood would have shifted, but it hadn’t. If anything, it was far more needy and desperate, your hands tangled in his hair, teeth clashing together in a messy kiss, and it was only a matter of time before you both fell apart. “So precious” he kisses your shoulder your jawline forehead and lastly your lips.

It wasn’t a comparison, and it’s not like you were thinking about your ex when you were with heeseung cause it was far from anything like that, but the way heeseung made you feel was otherworldly. It was everything you could ask for when it came to sex, and the way he touched you so delicately was what you craved in a relationship.

He placed his hand between your thighs, touching you where he knew you needed him the most. “Fuck!” He smirks at your reaction and buries his face in your neck, sucking gently, occasionally flicking his tongue and pressing kisses on your pulse point as he sends you further into bliss. “Heeseung, I’m gonna cum” you say breathlessly, chest rising and falling uncontrollably as your walls squeeze him as tight as possible.

“I know,” he whispers and kisses your cheek. “Me t-too,” he stutters, and you feel him twitch, letting you know he’s just a few seconds away.

“Cum in me” Those are the last words spoken between you as you pull him in for yet another kiss, and you both fall apart together.

Your loud moans mix with his low grunts both your minds completely blank and empty of everything else as you get lost in the pleasure between your bodies exchanging fluids with one another as indescribable euphoria washed over you both.

After riding out your highs, he attempted to break the kiss, but you didn’t let him, pulling him back to get one more taste of his strawberry-pink lips. “Y/n…” he says in between kissing you, but you still don’t stop, and neither does he, despite feeling lightheaded from his high and the lack of oxygen. “Y/n,” he gives you a second warning, and finally, you pull away and give him some space to breathe properly. He laughs breathlessly as his head falls into the crook of your neck. You smile softly.

He leaves little pecks all over your neck as you scratch his back lightly, and he couldn’t help but think about what you said earlier.

“So?” He says into the quiet. Once he catches his breath, when you don’t respond after a few minutes, he takes it indifferently, and he props himself up, kissing your forehead as he pulls out, making a mess on his bedsheets. “I’ll get something for that,” he says shyly before putting on his underwear and going to the bathroom, grabbing some wipes to clean you off.

His words were ringing in your ears so much that you didn’t realize you hadn’t even answered him.

You didn’t necessarily regret having sex with him, but you did regret that you led him on without even thinking about the outcome.

“Hey,” he smiles, sitting down on the edge to wipe the mess between your legs.

“Heeseung,” you say dreadfully, and you felt like shit for what you were about to do, but you had to. You couldn’t get into another relationship right now, not when you were so out of it and emotionally unavailable.

He forces a small smile already knowing your answer. “It’s okay, y/n. I get it, I really do.” he clears his throat. It’s not like he wasn’t expecting you to reject him, but it sucked even more hearing it out loud.

After cleaning you up, he went back to the bathroom, disposing of the wipes. “Damn it,” he whispers to himself. He was really hoping to at least just get one shot with you, but the world never seemed to do him any favors. “Since it’s so late, you can stay, and I’ll sleep on the couch.” He says once he shuts off the bathroom lights and enters the bedroom.

“Heese-“ he turns his back to you, grabbing spare blankets out of his closet.

“I insist,” he interrupted you, and you felt even more like shit.

“Thanks, heeseung,” you whispered and tucked yourself into his covers.

“Don’t mention it, y/n. That’s what friends are for,” he winks before saying goodnight to you.

Even though you rejected him, he was still just happy he could be there for you and help you feel better, and yeah, it sucked and even hurt his heart a little bit, but he’s been loving you from afar for a long time, and he’d continued doing just that.

“Goodnight, heeseung.” You rolled over on your side, hugging his blankets to your chest with nothing but a heavy heart.

“Night, y/n,” he whispers sadly and closes his door, a deep sigh falling from his lips. “Yeah, fuck relationships.”

FIN

Permanent taglist🔖 @hoyeonheeseung @furious-eagle @heeseungssidechick @hee-pster

Thank you for reading. Please reblog and leave feedback. - 🐹

1K notes · View notes

kairiscorner · 10 months

Note

Hii, can I request Miguel with sunshine reader, who actually struggles a lot mentally? Like they are kind, friendly and very playful with pretty much everyone, but they find it difficult to open up about their constant feeling of loneliness and emptiness. And so Miguel sees them at the moment when all their facade is gone.

No pressure ofc, feel free to deny it if you don't feel like doing it🌿

HIII ANON, omg i love this idea SO MUCH, i hope i did this justice :') but here you gooooo

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

summary: miguel o'hara could never fully comprehend someone of your caliber; you were just too much for him. you were loud, playful, open, and kind; he thought you were that simple. but when he caught you one day after a mission, seeing you in a light he never thought he could see you in... he realized there was much more to you than you were letting on.

warnings: mentions of self-deprecation (this is an angst, for the most part)

word count: 2,655

miguel couldn't wrap his head around you at first, around you and your psyche, around you and just how consistently tenderhearted and amiable you were towards everyone in the spider society. when he first sought you out, he thought you were the same as him; shattered, isolated, and dissociative from people to protect not only them, but yourself. but oh, was he wrong. he knew your background very well, he knew you suffered many tragedies in your life, be it as a spider person or as a person of your own, you had too much happen to you all at once.

he sympathized with you in many ways, but he knew someone of your aptitude would be remarkable help in his elite force. the first time he met you, however, he was greeted with a completely subverted image of the spider person he expected you to be. you were warm, friendly, sweet, and open.

you were a little shy and anxious around him at first, and he couldn't blame you. it was your first time meeting someone like you, but you were so enthusiastic about meeting him and the prospect of meeting so many other spider people just like you that you couldn't sit or stand still at the thought of meeting them all.

miguel asked himself at first why you seemed so trusting, so eager to meet people when he heard how well people in your life have hurt you in the past. he didn't know the specifics of it because he was busy recruiting other spider people and monitoring other universes, but he knew of the events in your life, at least short, important tid bits of them; and he had never felt more sympathy for anyone else in his life until you came along.

when you were first initiated into the spider society, miguel was a little taken aback at how easy it was for you to make friends. you had a lot of people to talk to, bond with, and impress already, and they loved you!

every single one of them was captivated by how charming you were, how generous you were of your time and services, and how quick you were on your feet to offer yourself to join some of the spider folks on missions, or even just run errands so they wouldn't have to do it alone.

you were, in the truest sense possible, an angel. the spider society loved you, they all believed you could do no wrong. you were always up for helping other people and ensuring their safety and comfort. though sometimes you'd go overboard and not hesitate to sacrifice your own safety and comfort for them, you'd tell them it's okay, you'd willingly go above and beyond for the people you care about.

you kept telling yourself it was okay to lose yourself for other people.

you kept telling yourself it didn't matter, so long it was just you and not them.

that's how your world revolved, right? people came and went as they pleased, you did your best, your everything to keep them, and you'd do it all again in a heartbeat if it'd meant they'd stay. you wished they'd stay if what you had to do was carry their burdens and misfortunes. you were strong, capable, and durable; you convinced yourself you could take it. you saved your city before, time and time again--even if you were battered, bruised, bloodied and thankless in the end, you smiled regardless and were willing to do it all over again.

"don't worry about me, i'm your friendly neighborhood spider person! i'm built for this stuff, i've got you." "oh, no! i'll take care of that for you, i'd rather you rest. let me take care of it, i've got you." "i'll take care of this! you guys do your own thing, i'll do this. ...because i've got you."

endlessly, those three words: "i've got you" is ingrained in miguel's head. he's not exactly tired of hearing it, he's impressed on how keen you are to be useful and pick up your own slack plus others' work. he does think you're a bit of a pushover for that, though, which he is a little disappointed with, but nothing he can do to force you out of that trait of yours.

he does wish you'd say no or stand your ground whenever you were uncomfortable with something, but then again, like all great pretenders, you took every favor and request with a smile and a pep in your step. it was like you wanted everyone to know you live to serve, that you wanted nothing but to be useful to everyone, even if it put a strain on you.

however, when you and your team came back from a mission with significantly more injured spiders than usual, instead of being greeted with your concerned yet reassuring self that'd rush to the side of the injured spiders, you ran away when you got back to HQ, leaving them behind as you looked away in what appeared to be... unbridled shame.

miguel weaved his way through the small crowd that gathered around the injured spider people when he was told they'd all be out of commission for a while, but otherwise, do okay; he had to find you, because he had a feeling something was off about you, something must've happened.

miguel wordlessly searched for you, thinking that if he called out for you, you'd run away and hide even more. not long after, he heard soft sobs and whimpering by a nearby broom closet. miguel halted in his tracks and moved closer to the door. his expression softened and became one of genuine worry, but he still remained his composure as he realized that voice that was choking up tears and sobbing was yours.

he knocked on the door of the broom closet, and soon, the sobbing stopped for a minute. "...do you want to talk?" miguel asked you after that moment of pure silence. you didn't respond for a little while, but you gave in and slowly opened the door, your eyes and nose puffy and red; your lip quivering at the corners--you really weren't okay, and this was a rare sight to behold.

miguel's expression soon cracked into one of worry. he instinctively moved toward you a step closer, but held back in fear of you sobbing again. "what happened?" he asked you in a gentle voice, a voice that promised he wouldn't judge you for whatever answer you give him, because miguel always had that feeling: there were a million unsaid things that were so, so wrong; but you never uttered a word about it, nor cried a plea for any help, and kept all your feelings locked away behind your insincere, forced smile.

you looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with miguel... or anyone, for that matter. you tried to shake your head, deny anything was wrong, but not this time. you had betrayed yourself, your own feelings, wants, and needs for the longest time that they all just came spilling out and being released from you in a much needed sob.

you could feel yourself tearing up again, and you tried to fight it, but miguel shook his head and put his hands on your shoulders. "no. stop it." he said in a concerned yet stern voice as he gazed at you and your glassy eyes, keeping your tears in the best you could. "stop holding it in. please. i know you want to see everyone happy, i know you don't want things to go wrong anymore, but please... don't keep your feelings bottled up. it does you more harm than good." he uttered softly as his grip on you tightened a little.

you heard it. finally, you heard it. those words that you longed to hear, in the many years you've been hurt, lied to, and abandoned by people you loved and cared about; you finally heard permission to cry, to be vulnerable, to be weak for a moment. you finally had a moment of respite from all the pretending you were sick of doing.

in a moment, you went from being composed, yet red and puffed up in the eyes and nose, to a full on sobbing mess in front of miguel. he let go of you when you started sobbing, but you held on to him as you cried. he took that as a sign that you didn't mind him holding you as you cried, you never had that luxury before anyway, being held as you cried, letting go of everything you've been holding for the longest time.

it was relieving, it was soothing, but it was painful. it was a remedy for your wounded emotions, crying your heart out as miguel held you. you knew you might get sick afterwards, crying so hard your heart might break, but miguel pat your back--albeit a little awkwardly--and whispered words of encouragement to let it out, let it all out.

"i hurt them..." you muttered through your sobs. "i told them i had it, i thought i had it, i thought i could take out the villain all on my own." you murmured as your sniffling continued. "i didn't want them to get hurt, really, i promise... but i took one wrong step, and–" you choked out as you cried even more as miguel shushed you and told you it was okay to let it out.

"i... just... i just don't want–don't want to be left alone anymore... i don't want to be hated, i don't want to be talked bad about behind my back; i want to feel like i belong." you whispered as your crying slowly stopped to let you breathe for a bit, taking in a ragged breath as you leaned against miguel, exhausted after letting out exactly what you felt and held in, all this time.

"you're... so very brave." he murmured as your sobs drowned out what he was saying. he didn't raise his voice at you, and especially not when you were in this state. "but so, so foolish." he remarked as he looked down at you, still sobbing. he sighed as he put a hand on your chin and angled your head to look up at him, the softness in his face ever so present as yours became redder and puffier.

"you're amazing, you can do anything and everything asked of you, and everyone loves you for that. and yet, you can't seem to give yourself a break. you're... you're forcing yourself to become someone you don't want to be." he says in a soft voice. "...i might just be doing that." you say as the realization of what you've been doing to yourself dawned on you.

miguel pulled away from you a little and ran a hand through his hair, still looking at you, but thinking of what to tell you. "if you're scared of them rejecting you for showing weakness or this... vulnerable side of you, don't be. i've worked with many of these people for years, some i've only met recently, but all of them–all of the people here love you." he told you as he watched you wipe the tears from your eyes, still sniffling. "every single one of them, they all have something nice to say about you. but we're all concerned for you," he said as he took your hand in his.

"you're constantly taking their burdens upon yourself. you don't think they realize that? they appreciate you, so, so much; but they want you to stop and think about yourself first." he tried getting his words through to you in a pleading voice. "we're a team. you don't have to go through this alone. and, really..." he said as he rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand, staring down at how much smaller, more vulnerable you were compared to him. "...i wanted to be the one to keep you from falling apart and letting yourself forget who you really are. i know i knew you for, what, a few months? but even before that, before you joined us, before you are who are now, i've seen how you are, how you act--and i've been informed of... tribulations you've gone through, things you keep hidden underneath the surface. you've been through too much for one to bear all alone."

you look up at miguel, and for the first time, you feel something new; you feel as though, despite the troubles you've gone through, the troubles you sometimes inflict upon yourself, you do have someone looking out for you. and it's always been him, ever since the beginning.

"and because... i know what it's like. i know what it's like to have to mask yourself so nobody gets worried about you, so no one thinks you're easy pickings... so you don't hurt or get hurt anymore..." miguel continued as his voice got softer. he took a breath in, and letting it out in an exhausted sigh, as if he, too, were also sick of hiding exactly how he felt and who he was. "it's the things we keep hidden that always show." he said as he looked at your eyes. "but don't... don't be scared to show it. and if not the others... you have me." he said softly, slowly reeling back from you, letting go of your hand gently and widening his eyes as he realized what he was saying. a silence befell you two as you stared at him, in wonder, at this side of miguel; this side he was hiding that he soon showed, that he soon brought to light in front of you.

"can you do something for me?" miguel asked as he broke the silence, looking into your swollen eyes. "please promise me that when you say 'i've got this'... remind yourself that i've got you. i'm right here for you to call, any time you need me." he said with a small smile as he wiped the tears from your eyes. "do you promise me?" he asked you as you slowly nodded, with his hand lowering down to your cheeks and resting there. "i promise. i... got this. i've got you." you said with a small smile. he returned the smile with one of his own. "you've got me." he said as he rubbed your cheek softly.

and as miguel were about to pull away, you wrapped your arms around him, your bright, signature smile returning to your face. your eyes were still puffy and swollen, but they shone, even in the dim light of this tiny broom closet. "thank you, miguel." you thanked him before he could leave, your arms tightening around his waist as you held him close, not wanting to let him go. it wasn't out of fear that you didn't want to let him go, you wanted to let him feel just how much he's saved you from yourself, how good it felt to be told those words for the first time in a long, long while.

miguel was shaken at first when you held him, he... hadn't been held that way in... ever. he didn't know what to do in the beginning, he wasn't sure when you'd pull away, but as the embrace prolonged, he found himself wishing you wouldn't pull away. he soon brought his arms up, then, he brought them close to your back, still hovering his arms in the air awkwardly as you leaned into the hug.

then, in one final swoop, he took the plunge and embraced you back; and miguel had never felt a happier silence than that, embracing you, who finally let yourself show how you truly felt, and how, even if you were scared of being abandoned again, being left alone... miguel was not one of those people for you to fear would leave.

not now, not ever.

a/n: NERIJOBFIURBIUBRIBVVBBNE NGL I FEEL LIKE I KINDA DRAGGED THIS OUT AND DIDN'T EXPRESS EVERYTHING I WANTED TO SAY, BUT THIS AAAAAAAAAA I'M CRYINGGGGG

tags !! @thecoolerdor @miguelswifey04 @luvstarrstruck

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara x y/n #atsv miguel #atsv imagine #atsv x reader #atsv x you #atsv x y/n #spidersona #miguel o'hara fluff #miguel o'hara angst

538 notes · View notes

pix3lplays · 2 months

Note

Even though Ratio is a very intelligent person and has more PhDs than friends, he is an idiot

Idiot when it comes to relating to anyone, no matter who

((I'm Anon from the future, this is long))

In the Penacony mission, in the first interaction with Aventurine, he is unnecessarily cruel and does not realize his mistake until Aventurine points it out and Ratio apologizes, softening his voice

We also have the thing about his courses, we all know that his students do not pass the course because of the difficulty or bad teaching directly, it is the pure demotivation that HE gives to his students

I think that a kinder teacher from the same or similar field as him would be an ideal match for him

From one moment to the next, the number of students who passed their exam increased significantly and Ratio wastes no time in finding out the reason for this sudden change

He discovers that a teacher, with similar studies to him but with a completely different personality, has been helping many students

The teacher is kind, gives positive reinforcement and even jokes friendly, lightening the atmosphere and helping the most nervous ones

The students explain some things that Ratio said, the teacher with a soft smile patiently explains from beginning to end, without humiliating anyone who is confused by something

Ratio after discovering everything, the next day he meets the teacher, he is unintentionally aggressive, and the teacher at one point stops his words with a single sentence

"Dr. Ratio, you don't have to raise your voice and act hostile, if you insist on that I will leave."

lThe teacher turns out to be kind, but immediately sets limits when crossing certain lines. Ratio apologizes, realizing his mistake only when it is mentioned and they achieve civil conversation

Both talk about the learning of these students, with clear differences between the perception of each one, Ratio thinking of them as ignorant and the teacher as an unexplored potential

In essence, they are actually very similar, and Ratio likes it, but it is not the same as vice versa, since the other party does not sympathize with their habits of calling others ignorant or in a rude way

Ratio now faces the problem of being constantly corrected due to spouting insults without a second thought, and trying to get to know more about someone so intelligent but who has gone unnoticed for years

Ratio faces the problem of not knowing how to maintain a relationship beyond professional, and shit, even that is difficult now that he constantly remembers the voice warning not to be rude

He's learning to try hard for the first time in a long time, he doesn't even use his alabaster head when that teacher is there, trying to look closer, but his angry face doesn't help

Aventurine cheekily mocks him. An interesting addition that would make me laugh is that this teacher and Aventurine have been friends for a long time, almost like brothers and protecting each other without expecting anything

Ratio doesn't understand how you look so calm and happy with Aventurine, but with him on alert

Ratio is jealous, learning to deal with different emotions and attitudes, but he doesn't really dislike learning, he dislikes that your beautiful smile doesn't go his way

Ratio gives you a gift of your choice after studying your interests carefully, appreciating with a cocky smile how you finally seem less alert around him, he congratulates himself, and the kind teacher smiles at him, congratulating him carelessly and Ratio can feel the warmth running through his chest, because your smile is finally for him

Ratio is a tsundere, a surly and grumpy cat who then seeks pampering, but who needs to be disciplined, be patient with the tsundere cat, he still does not fully understand what he wants or why

((By the way, I can be 📦 Anon?))

Hello, 📦 anon~

I love it, Veritas could really benefit from someone on his intellectual level who has a bit more patience and kindness and understanding.

Veritas isn’t a bad guy. He’s actually very kind in his own way. He could just use a little guidance in how to better express that kindness. I don’t expect him to suddenly become nice anytime soon though.

Also hi Aventurine, I see you~

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #Dr Ratio #Dr Ratio x reader #Hsr Dr Ratio x reader #honkai star rail Dr Ratio x reader

153 notes · View notes

alitheakorogane · 1 year

Text

Freedom's Protection: A Blasphemy or The Truth?

Summary: Venti's outburst shocks everyone, making the people of Mondstadt question everything they knew about their Archon.

This is the third part of Mondstadt's storyline for the Reader Protection Squad SAGAU series.

Note: There are instances of grammatical errors, please bear with me. Also, the entire layout was now changed and I placed a title on them so I could not be confused while I write the next chapters. It's still the same story though.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3 (current), 4, 5, 6, 7

"What if your dear Anemo Archon was also like them, an imposter who also steals someone's face?!"

-------------

Everyone couldn't believe what the young bard was saying, especially those who are very devoted to Lord Barbatos. The Anemo Archon is also an imposter?

Bennett and Fischl who accompanied him looked at Venti with surprised looks on their faces, while Razor was confused about what happened. On the other hand, you were shocked at what the bard did, even though you had expected him to do something stupid after Eula's harsh statement regarding imposters.

To be honest, you can understand why the usual happy and mischievous bard suddenly snaps out and break down at everyone. Eula's statement may be intended for you but it also applies to Venti's situation, and her scathing words hit the Anemo Archon on a personal level. You guessed that not everyone knows his real story, not even his very devout followers in his church, as you had remembered that only the Traveler was the one who had truly opened up about his real feelings of loss by telling his story about his bard friend in his story quest.

They didn't know who he really is... because all knowledge that the Mondstadters knew about their beloved Archon is from secondary sources, from the words of other people, and not really from Venti himself.

They never knew how hard is to pretend to be someone he really isn't. You know it wasn't his choice to rule a nation, since Andrius had stepped down from being a suitable candidate but Venti had tried his best to fulfill the wishes of his beloved friend before he had died: for Mondstadt to be free.

Mondstadters from the past to the present saw his Archon persona in rose-colored glasses, portraying him as regal, poised, and hardworking as his people (they were also overworked because they thought they can emulate Lord Barbatos' 'hardworking' work ethic) who value the concept of freedom over his domain, not knowing that their Archon is actually a happy-go-lucky troublemaker who has the heart of gold, who really likes apples and Dandelion Wine to the point of breaking the records for most shots a Mondstadter can drink in one go, or how he likes to annoy people with his songs and pranks when he feels like it.

You had sympathized with him, as you and he are similar in some aspects. You always force a bright smile on your face and feel optimistic, even though there are times that you feel like you wanted to give up on everything. You can crack jokes over your so-called friends, laugh at the corniest punchlines, and put up some masks on other people, saying to them that you're okay even though it really isn't.

There is a reason why you loved playing Genshin Impact, it's not because of the waifus or husbandos or you just want to have fun and spend over nothing, but it was an escape from your loneliness and the reality. You feel loved when the game greeted you on your birthday before anyone can and was given you a digital cake even though you know it was coded to be like that. You feel happy when your favorite character had come home and when you listened to their voice lines where they said something good about you.

You think that someone took pity on you and whisk you away to the beautiful continent of Teyvat, but it seems that there's a mistake. The moment you were spat at by the same characters you really loved, you feel like you were really unloved by anyone no matter what world you've been thrown in. You're not suicidal, but at that moment, the urge to throw yourself off the cliff and unto the waters of Cider Lake to drown was very strong.

So when you met Bennett, Razor, and Fischl for the first time and they had befriended you no matter what others say something bad about you, you feel happy that someone had accepted you the way you are, and you wanna cry with tears of joy.

And when Venti, the actual Anemo Archon of Mondstadt, came to your rescue, you feel like you were lucky that someone out there still appreciated your existence. You silently thank whoever is above that gives you some mercy over this forsaken world.

Meanwhile, Barbara Pegg, the lovely Deaconess of the Church of Favonius, couldn't help but ponder over what the bard had said. You had noticed how she was not as defensive as the other nuns present, but you just brushed it off as she was just in shock. You were unfortunately wrong about your assumptions, for you underestimated her just because you know from her game appearances that she was oblivious to her Archon being literally meters away from her.

She may be a devout follower of the Anemo Archon, but as a Gunnhildr, she had access to a certain diary of one of their ancestors living at the time of Decarabian, along with her older sister Jean.

She remembered a passage regarding a wind elf and his human friend who died in the rebellion, after her mother, Frederica, had let her read the family heirloom after Barbara joined the church as a Deaconess.

"The young leader had unfortunately passed away by a stray arrow to the heart, the winds took away his young life so early. We were devastated to see the one who had awakened our hearts and fought for freedom die in the rebellion against Lord Decarabian, but no one grieves more than the Elf, who was with him till the end. The Elf has done the unthinkable after they had ascended into a god by Celestia: they had taken the form of his human friend so he could see the free world under the eyes of the Elf, who was now under the name of Barbatos, the new Anemo Archon of Mondstadt."

Imagine Barbara's surprise when she found out about that, she had never read this information in any Mondstadt history books or tomes she had come across. She knew that her ancestor had been part of the first Mondstadt rebellion against Lord Decarabian, so she could assume that it was a legitimate source.

At the time, she can't believe that Lord Barbatos' current form seen in the statues isn't his, to begin with, for it was based on his human friend who had died in the first rebellion. Today, she had doubts about the issue, especially when the bard had brought it up.

"If that's the case, then it's true that Lord Barbatos is technically an imposter, just like how Mr. Bard had said," she thought to herself, "But how he known about that if that information isn't in the books I have ever read about our Archon? Did I miss a book?"

She looked at her older sister who was still standing with Diluc with a troubled look in her eyes like she was pondering about something. She ever wondered if Jean still remembered the contents of the diary or knew something about Venti. As far as she was concerned, Venti knew the Honorary Knight, Jean, and DIluc personally due to their involvement during the Stormterror crisis.

She knew that Venti can summon Dvalin, one of the Four Winds, when they went to the Golden Apple Archipelago months ago. He is also the only one she can't heal with her Hydro Vision, the first time since she had been blessed by the gods. He had an angelic voice and an exceptional talent for playing the lyre, which to be honest, Barbara was slightly jealous of. And he just recently appeared on Mondstadt, which was coincidentally the time when Dvalin, known as Stormterror that time, had attacked Mondstadt.

Who really is Venti anyway?

"Blasphemy!" One of the nuns screamed as her fellow comrades and citizens agreed with her, "Lord Barbatos isn't an imposter, you blasphemous child. How dare you speak to the Archon that way?!"

"History books had never told the Anemo Archon's whole story!" Venti continued as he lowered his bow down, his right arm wiping the stray tears on his cheeks. You wanted to comfort him, to hug him in your arms, but the situation was so tense that you prefer not to, for now.

"You just knew him because of those books and those spoken stories that always praise him! And in every single one of them, he was portrayed as a divinity who committed no mistakes and made some exceptional deeds just because he is an Archon. You may think that he is perfect, but news flash people, he's not! He's as flawed as any other mortal out there! He should have saved his dear friend if he was as perfect and powerful as you think he was!"

He was glaring at the people in front of him, his aqua-green eyes glowing in intensity, "You had never known that he was originally a wind wisp who had taken the form of a dead friend to honor a wish. He had never saved his dear friend... if only that blasted wind wisp was a second too early, his friend wouldn't have died in the rebellion! That friend of his was the one who started the peak of the rebellion, who had sang songs of freedom, and guess what, no one remembers his name or even his sacrificial deeds!"

Venti closed his eyes as he continued speaking, a look of nostalgia etched in his eyes as he stared at the skies above, "Freedom was given to all of you due to a sacrifice of a human who was now forgotten by history, but his face... his young face now lived on under the facade of Lord Barbatos. Without the bard's final wish, Lord Barbatos would never make freedom his ideal for Mondstadt..."

"...He would never have been the weakest among the Seven Archons if he had never fulfilled his dear friend's dying wish."

"And how would you know about that? Why would you try to defame Anemo Archon Barsibato just to manipulate our minds about the imposter?!" Rosaria harshly interrogated Venti who just spewed some blasphemous information about their Archon, her polearm pointed at the bard.

The nuns of the Church of Favonius had deadpan looks on their faces over Rosaria's mistake over Lord Barbatos' name, while the citizens who believed in the Archon glared at Venti for his statement.

To their surprise, the young Anemo user smiled at them, but they could guess that he was actually smirking. He chuckled as he bowed his head, bangs covering his beautiful eyes. It left people confused and scared, especially the Knights and the Church nuns. They had never seen this side of the bard who they have just known to be as mischievous and happy-go-lucky all the time.

You felt chills when you see his smirk, as you had an image of a young-looking boy with angelic wings who looked at the people with a menacing smile, the bow on his hands was stained in blood. You then realized that you had seen a glimpse of Venti in his Archon form, and it was possible that it was him in the Khaenri'ah disaster 500 years ago!

His Elegy of the End bow was still on his hand as he dared to respond with a playful tone at the young nun, staring at her with a coldness that could rival someone with a Cryo Vision, as if he was scolding a young misbehaving child, "You could say that I am more than just a mere drunkard bard, Miss Rosaria."

"After all, how could I ever spread blasphemous words about myself?"

--------------

BADASS VENTI IS LIFE.

Well, this is Part 3 of the Reader Protection Squad series of one-shots, where someone is trying to protect the Reader from being pelted down by the Divine Creator's obsessive acolytes.

This one was also cut into two parts, so there is a possible Part 4 regarding Venti helping you off. (sigh) I think I will do a full-blown fanfic if I kept this up. I also write the Reader's inner thoughts, based on my experience. I couldn't help but shed a tear when I wrote this part.

To those who are new to my story, in this series, Venti is part of your protection squad in this Imposter AU concept, one of the two Archons who are going to help you. He is usually the mischaracterized character in SAGAU fics, and I wanted to do justice to my boi's character.

I made Barbara more perceptive than she was on canon, because why not? I made her a book enthusiast, she likes to read books in her free time just like her older sister (if she is not busy with her idol work, practice, healing, and church duties). Her possible favorite books are about Lord Barbatos and his deeds to Mondstadt.

And here's Rosaria and her mishaps with Venti's Archon name...🤣

-----

Taglist: @eimuros, @vvyeislazzy, @ansyistiredsstuff, @haru-tofuu, @coquettemaiden, @voidlesslove, @depressed-bitchy-demon, @yuukaaariyuuu, @g3n0dtt, @misswitchthewindborn, @lumpywolf, @c00kie-cat, @mulandi, @genshin-impacts-me, @bloop-booop

2K notes · View notes

writingsfromhome · 16 days

Text

Dos and Don’ts IV

A/N: hello my loves this final part to this fic completes the birth of one of my favourite fics I’ve written. Thank you for reading and enjoying it just as much—every like, comment, and dm meant the world <3

Parts: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

—————————————————

We have an extra day in Barcelona and the team is buzzing to enjoy their nightlife since we could sleep all day tomorrow. I’d visited here while I was a uni student so I give some suggestions.

Harry’s a little on edge the whole time. Earlier today some headline from a musician Harry worked with was taken out of context and thus took the internet by storm. Now he was being flooded with people wanting to know his thoughts and feelings. It was a hot topic.

With a joint effort of me, Jeff, and Graham, we tried to keep the spotlight on his Barcelona show. Well my role was mostly to screen Harry from seeing any further discourse online.

The show itself was one of the loudest I’d been to—I was glad I had my own ear protection. The tense Harry falls away and he’s electric on stage. Even coming backstage he’s on a high; he hugs the crew and thanks everyone like he usually did at the end of shows and disappears into his dressing room with Jeff. They look like they’re talking intensely.

“So,” Sarah slides in beside me. “We noticed you’re a bit different coming back. What’s happened?”

I try to play dumb but the girls keep pushing.

“Me and my fiancé ended things,” I confess. They gasp, Claire’s eyes actually fill with tears.

“Shh!” I shush them. “Keep it on the down low please I don’t want anyone to know.”

“But y/n why are you even here!? Is it because of tour! I’m sure Harry could have rearranged things-“

“No no,” I appreciated their support but I didn’t want to hash things out. “It’s just…I think it was a long time coming. God, I don’t wanna cry. I’m good. For now. And I want to be on tour I need the distraction.”

“I get it,” they sympathize. “We’re gonna make you forget so hard tonight.”

“Okay but don’t,” I look around us to make sure there was nobody else around. “Please don’t tell Harry. Seriously please. I don’t want him to know especially. I don’t want him to treat me differently or something.”

“Lips are sealed.” Sarah zips her mouth. “But we can all tell you’re off. It’s hard not to practically living together these last couple months. If he asks we’ll say…”

“Just say she’s on a break?” Charlie suggests.

“Yeah,” I shrug. “Things are complicated, I’m on a break, whatever that’s fine.”

The girls lean towards me and envelop me in a hug. It reminds me of my friends I’d said goodbye to.

“Thanks,” I say through tears.

And the girls hold me to their promise.

After we get dressed for the night—I chose a corset-style top and trousers—we head out. The sun dips below the horizon and the old city is cast in a warm orange glow that could inspire anyone who set eyes on it. String lights come on and music plays from various doors; the city is alive.

We tease each other about looking so glam as we wander the narrow cobblestone streets. Aside from the shows we all wore sweats and tees.

Every place we pass sets my senses alight. We grab tapas from a place that smells irresistible and chat over each other about tonight’s wicked show. I continue avoiding Harry by sitting as far away from him as I can get.

As we wander off in search of the club I can’t help but feel a twinge at how incredibly romantic the moonlit streets felt.

The club is loud and alive, the noise levels even feel normal after the roar of the last few of Harry’s shows. My mood starts shooting up steadily as I drink in the energy around me.

We join the crowd and I give away my worries and my annoyances to enjoy the music. I feel it in my chest and for a blissful moment I’m grateful for my whole damn life despite everything.

“Cute guy!” Someone shouts in my ear.

Charlie nudges me to one of the guys dancing nearby. “Get distracted!”

I shake my head no.

“Do it!” She cheers. It barely travels to me. She grabs Claire’s hand and tugs her, letting her in on the plan and they goad me into going for it.

I motion a drink. I’d need another shot for the courage.

We trail back to the bar and do a round of shots, and they grin with thumbs up as I hesitantly enter the crowd again.

The dude they pointed out is tall and beautiful. Like beautiful not even handsome. I get stuck looking up at him in awe, he wasn’t really my type. A tad too pretty boy but when he notices me looking he smiles and I’m won over. I couldn’t deny a good smile.

“Hey!” He turns his body to me. At least I think he say hey.

“Hey!” I shout back.

“Que pasa?”

“What?!” I couldn’t hear a single thing. What did I expect.

He smiles and takes my hand that had been anxiously playing with the edge of my top. The other has a hand splint that I’d received in Madrid. Apparently I sprained my fingers.

The stranger wriggles both my hands to loosen them, raising his brow at the splint. I laugh.

He asks in my ear but I don’t understand. It sounds like a question, something bylar. When I scrunch my brows he laughs, “Dance! We dance!?”

“Dance!” I laugh. He was cute! “Yes! I want to dance with you!”

“Vamos,” he pulls me in. I understood that at least.

I used to do this in uni, I think. I should be able to do it again.

He teases me a little because I’m so tense. His hands knead down my back to my waist to get me to relax. It feels nice, being touched by a man that looks like he was carved from marble but filled with music.

I begin to find my rhythm and sway with him, eventually letting go completely. He compliments me as I start to move with him and pretty soon I’ve channeled my 20-year-old self. It feels pretty spectacular.

When his lips ghost my cheek I don’t protest. Right now, I felt good. Everything was on the back burner’s back burner and I felt grounded in this nighclub with this random stranger who was paying attention to me, just me. And it’s just us. And it’s just temporary. And I feel good.

When I turn around, my back to his chest, he moves my hair to the side and kisses down my neck. It felt good.

I run my hand up into his hair and he moves lower murmuring foreign words on my skin, our bodies still dancing in the same language, his hands still gripping my waist and my hips. I feel blissed out.

It ends in a split second.

“What are you doing?” Harry’s suddenly tugging me towards him. His mouth makes the words I just fill them in with his annoyingly bossy voice.

“Hey man,” the guy I’m dancing with tries to get in between us.

“What are you doing!?” I snatch my hand away from Harry.

Harry puts his hand on my partner’s chest and says something to him, maybe in Spanish. He looks at me with puppy dog eyes and I look at Harry. What had he said.

“What did you say?” I ask. I try to call back my dancing partner but he just salutes me with a smile and fades into the crowd. No wait, I’m being dragged away.

“Y/n what are you doing out there?”

“What am I doing?” I shout. “What are you?! I was having a nice time with that guy what did you say to him?”

He walks away, further back into the edges of the club. There’s a few people milling about with a number of them involved in heavy makeout sessions.

Harry turns to face me finally. “You’re engaged y/n, Claire and Sarah said things are complicated at home is that why you’re doing this?”

“What!” I throw my hands up, tears prick my eyes. What the fuck was his problem! Since when did he care? “Why do you care?! Yes, things are complicated and I was getting my mind off of said things—what is your issue? You want to drag me back here and remind me of how shitty things have been?”

“This isn’t the way,” Harry insists. “You don’t even know that guy!”

“Whatever I’m over this convo.”

I turn to leave but Harry grabs my hand, the one in the splint, and pulls me back.

“Sorry,” he lets go of the splint. Then picks it up again. “Look. I’m worried about you. This isn’t you, you’re not the girl that goes home with another guy when your fiancé is back at home! I just don’t want you making any regrets.”

“Oh is that it,” I step towards him so my hand isn’t so outstretched. He stands still but on my second step he inches back. “Since when did you get a high horse huh? Don’t tell me who I am and who I’m not. You barely know me! If I want to make decisions I regret I can do that. They’re mine to make.”

“No. Y/n, as mad as you are don’t go home with a stranger.”

“As if you don’t!” I scoff. “What’s your real agenda here? What’s going on?”

“Nothing!” He insists.

“Why do you suddenly care so much about my chastity?”

“It’s for your own good!”

He’s lying. I know he’s lying and I don’t know why he pulled me away from my beautiful Spanish dance partner but I was actually relaxing and now he’s put me right back into this crazed and tense headspace I kept finding myself in.

Fine, I decide. I could make him regret it.

“Really? You care about my morality that much?” I ask.

With my hand flat on his chest I’ve pushed him further into the wall behind him. He watches me with a guarded look.

But I want him unguarded, vulnerable. The same way he’s made me feel. I lean in, “Are you really worried about the technicalities of me cheating on my fiancé?”

I hover a half foot from his lips. Finally his eyes flicker down to my lips and I know I’ve got him.

I slide my hand up his chest and when my hand inches up the skin of his throat his eyes grow unguarded and heady with lust. He doesn’t push me away. He doesn’t say no.

Hypocrite.

I drop my hand.

“That’s what I thought Mr. Styles.”

I watch for a wonderful moment as the lust clears from his eyes and he realizes what happened. Shame, embarrassment, resignation, and then anger.

I spin on my heel and head away from him. He could deal with the consequences of his actions all on his own.

I’m half-afraid he’ll come after me but luckily I make it out of the club alone.

“He’s such a dick,” I say more to myself. Just to get it out because I’m pissed. “Who the fuck does he think he is!?”

My night is over. I just want to take this all off and forget about it. Maybe I can lock myself in my room and raid the mini-fridge, get drunk and cry myself to sleep. Those seemed like the best options right now.

I take an uber to the hotel. As I walk up to it I notice a weird crowd outside. For nearly 2am I wasn’t expecting this and my instincts kick in that this wasn’t normal. Especially when I notice all the camera straps.

“Excuse me,” I ask the front desk. “Why are there a bunch of paparazzi outside?”

“Is there?” The man behind the counter asks. “Sorry we will tell them to leave. Are you staying with us?”

“That’s a privacy concern out there, and a concern with your staff because they’re here. How do they know who’s staying here?!”

It seems to dawn on him I wasn’t just asking out of curiosity. He promises me he’ll get management. In the meantime I call Jeff and explain the situation. He starts to panic the way I hated, looking for something to blame. He calls Graham who sounds like he’s driving in nascar. It’s a very noisy and over-stimulating conversation.

“Call Harry!” Jeff orders. “Tell him he cannot go back to the hotel no matter what! Fucking vultures man!”

“Y/N,” Graham says in a calmer voice. “You need to go back to where Harry is with some sort of disguise. A hat or sunglasses. That sort of thing-“

“It’s night.”

“Yes night. No glasses. Book the closest hotel you can find. Tell his band they can come back, but to go through the back. They might get spotted but they’re trained on dodging questions. That will keep the vultures there waiting for Harry and we can pick you two up back to the airport tomorrow morning. Where’s after this?”

“Glasgow,” I bite my nail as I think. I had to call Harry asap. What if he was on his way back. “I gotta go now to call him though. Talk later.”

I hang up and call Harry. He picks up the second time.

I explain the situation and he reacts the same way as Jeff, swearing and cursing the papps. I tell him what I was going to do and tell him to go right back into the club. To pass on the word to the team even though I was going to send them a text.

I head up to my room and grab what fits in my bag. I didn’t have Harry’s room key so I decide he’d have to wear my hat and head back out. The vultures stay waiting, now just a few feet further away from the entrance.

I speak briefly to management—I figured Jeff could talk to them and give his classic earful.

On the drive I find a nearby hotel to the club and collect Harry to get him there. We’re too tense to talk when we meet up. Once inside again, I tell him to sit in the lounge while I go up to the desk.

Act above it all, I channel a rich bitch. We needed privacy and we needed nobody to know Harry was here.

“Hi I need a room.” I say.

“Of course, how many night will you be staying with us.”

I glance back to see where Harry sits. He’s in a wingback chair that’s mostly turned away and with his hair stuffed in the baseball cap you can hardly tell it’s him.

“Just a night. I need your best room please.”

“Absolutely,” the woman smiles and I feel bad for only giving a tight-lipped smile back. I wait as she clicks away, finally looking back to me with a slight frown. “So miss unfortunately we are very booked tonight. There are a couple events going on in the city making things very popular.”

“The best room will do. Preferably large.”

“Well,” she hesitates. “A lot of our larger rooms are taken um. I can offer you a bed with one king, it is a bit smaller because it’s by the elevators. I also have one with a queen that is tucked away in the corner with a better view.”

I wanted to be as far away from Harry as possible but by an elevator was asking for trouble.

“Well, I’d rather stay far away from noise so we’ll take the queen.”

“Is that just you or…” she glances at Harry.

“Yes. Two. We’ve had a rough day of travel he’s just resting.”

I hand over ID and my card, trying not to balk at the total. At least I’ll get reimbursed.

“Do you have any bags?” The concierge swoops in as I get the key card.

“No! No. Like I said, bad travel day. We just need somewhere to sleep and we’ll reunite with the bags once they arrive tomorrow.”

They leave us alone after that. I hoped it was because I’d been standoffish enough and not plain weird.

The elevator ride up to the 8th floor is stony and I spend the spare second to text Jeff and Graham the hotel’s address.

The room itself is pretty sub-par and the adrenaline of getting Harry here safely wears off.

I drop my bag by the door and pull out my toiletry bag.

“I don’t have clothes for you to change into, I didn’t have your room key.”

“Yeah. S’fine. I’ll just sleep shirtless unless that bothers you.”

We stare at each other for a tense moment.

“I’m fine with that, you’re the one with the high horse.”

After doing all this for him I wasn’t going to be easy to deal with if he wasn’t going to be easy to deal with.

He chooses to ignore me.

“How the fuck did they know I was staying there? We were under a-“

His phone rings and he answers. Sounds like Jeff.

I use the time to go to the bathroom and finally take off the makeup. I realize I should have grabbed my pjs from my bag too. I take my hair down and massage my scalp with my fingers, letting myself calm down despite the aggressive voices outside.

“Yeah whatever. Keep me updated.” I hear. Great. That was done with.

I leave the bathroom and Harry’s still pacing the floor.

“You’re gonna wear the carpet down if you keep doing that.”

He stops and looks at me, his eyes trail down my body.

“You didn’t bring yourself a change of clothes either?”

“You wish,” I head for my bag again and grab the tee and shorts. “I just forgot them out here.”

“Do you always have to be so snarky?”

Oh, so he wanted to fight. Good news for him, so did I.

“Depends. With you? When you’re being a dick? Yeah. I do.”

“It’s really quite unbecoming.”

“Is it?” I mock his accent. “It’s not proper for a lady to be snarky?”

“I don’t sound like that. You just never let anything go.” He continues.

“I never let anything go?” I repeat.

“Yeah! Ever!”

“What do you want me to let go?” I ask.

“Everything. You’re bothered by everything just let it all fucking go.”

“No like specifically what should I let go?” I turn on him and with each question I stalk towards him. “Being treated like trash by you? Being told I’m replaceable and unnecessary? Getting bossed around about who I can and can’t dance with because you suddenly decide to be the morality police!?”

“Jesus take it down a notch y/n.” We’re fuming as we square off. “I’m not your bloody fiancé.”

“And thank fuck you’re not!” I throw the clothes in my hand on the bed. “You’re my employer Mr. Styles and I’ve been nothing but a good fucking employee for the last year! I try to keep my patience and do everything I can to do my best! You’re the one always trying to blur lines! You’re the one always getting in my damn business when I don’t pay you to!”

With every accusation I poke my finger into his chest and it’s like literally pushing buttons. His face gets stonier and stonier until I’m sure he’s going to crack.

“You wanna know what your fucking issue is?” He swipes my hand away.

“Oh sure tell me, wise Harry Styles who definitely has no issues at all. Tell me.”

“This. This is your fucking issue,” he spits. “You’ve always got such a temper on you! I’m not blurring any bloody lines I check up on you and you get all offended over nothing!”

“Over nothing?” I ask. I laugh sarcastically and walk away from him. I was seeing red. “Over nothing?”

“Yes! I don’t do shite and suddenly you’re trying to bite my dick off.”

“You fucking wish,” I turn on him. “It’s crazy you don’t realize what an absolute jackass you are! We should be refunding all those fans who’ve come out to see you because the man they’re paying for is a fake! You’ve treated me like nothing and embarrassed me countless time-“

“Embarrassed you,” he scoffs.

“Yes!” I go on. “What do you call what you said on our way to Paris huh? You can be so cruel! So if I have a temper it’s justified because you’re one of the worst people I’ve met!”

“What did I say?”

“Are you kidding? You’re going to make me repeat it?” He was crazy. He was depraved and absolutely insane. Or he just hated me.

“I’m not playing a game just tell me!”

“You said I could have skipped the whole tour and nobody would notice.” I say the words that had looped through my head. And of course, he has the audacity to look surprised. “Thanks. A lot! It makes it even worse that you were so casual with your cruelt-“

“You need to stop being so sensitive,” he has the nerve to say. “Then maybe you can manage your temper.”

“I can manage my temper any time but you’re moody like a pre-pubescent teen and that looks to be a lifetime fucking problem!”

“What’s your fucking problem Y/n! What is your problem with me!? Why do you still work for me if you are this angry all the time!”

“I’m not this angry all the time, you just makes me this angry! And I hate you for it!”

“Then quit!”

“Maybe I will!” I had to. After tonight and this blowout I had to. How could I work for Harry like this.

“Great! Then you can take your problems with you.”

“Don’t gaslight me,” how dare he. “You’re not innocent in this! You create my problems and blame me for being this way.”

“Whatever y/n.”

“No.” I wasn’t letting him off the hook. I get in his face again. “Why did you stop me tonight? Why did you keep me from doing what I wanted tonight?”

“What? I told you I was looking out-“

“Bullshit!” I cut him off. “That’s a bullshit excuse, I want to know why!?”

I feel like I’m made of flames and in desperate need of a lobotomy. How could one guy make me this crazy. How could it all revolve around him.

“I was doing it for your own good! But clearly I understand why it’s so fucking complicated with your partner-“

“Don’t you dare talk about him,” I seethe. I was mad. Fuming. I want to get physical, I wish I could throttle him or at the very least access one of the pillows from across the room and smash it to the floor. I want him to see how angry I am because my words are twisted with every angle Harry could find. I wanted him to admit to something he’s been skirting for a long time. “Tell me.”

Harry stares at me with hate in his eyes and I know I have the same look. I wasn’t going to let him get away.

“You don’t even have the balls to admit it,” I poke. “Is this why you’re so hard-headed to anything I say? Because you can’t even admit something like this to yourself?”

“Just shut the fuck up y/n and stop being so mental.”

“I refuse to shut up. I want you to talk.”

His breathing gets faster and I watch him flex his hand. He was as angry as I was. Good.

“You’re a fraud. And I hate you.” I step into his space. Our bodies are a hair’s breadth away from each other’s. I want to show him how mad he makes me. I want to do something. I want him to admit this thing he’s been dancing around. It makes me so mad!

When he starts to shake his head at me I lose it. Instinct takes over where I want to physically show him how angry he was making me. I grab his face in my hands and push my mouth against his. I meet teeth.

But it doesn’t take long for him to respond. To correct the unadulterated anger with purpose.

He pushes back, kissing me harder whilst pushing me against the wall. I feel sandwiched, my chest crushed against his and I bite down on his lip trying to get back some control.

My hands are all over him, grabbing his shirt, running through his hair, pushing under his shirt to touch skin. Harry does the same, pulling at my hair and lifting me onto him.

Our tongues clash together, his hand grabs my ass, squeezing and moving up. His hands feel hot on my skin, his metal rings an icy contrast. Neither of us want to give up control. We keep fighting, just now with our bodies.

“Why can’t you ever just let it go,” he traces his teeth over my collarbone. It all feels too much.

In response I push him back, he stares at me for a heated second before we crash into each other again. We don't care where we are. All that mattered was here and showing the other who was in control. Who hated who the most.

Harry pulls away, his mouth a deep pink from our fight. His eyes are half lidded, his pupils dilated. I can tell he wants this but a part of him hesitates.

"We're doing this," I commit, not taking my eyes off his lips.

"I’m doing this," he growls and lifts me up, any hesitancy washed away. I wrap my legs around him, not thinking about anything but what I was going to do.

He whirls me around and deposits me onto the bed, and his body covers mine while his mouth attack my neck.

He wasn't gentle or slow, but then again, I didn't want him to be. I pull off his shirt, not wanting anything between us, not caring that my nails would leave marks down his back. Leaving something permanent on him sounded exactly what I needed.

I tug on his hair as his teeth come down on my chest. I feel heated as he swears, “Teasing me with this top all night was a fucking sin y/n.”

“Fuck off,” I gasp as he figures out the row of clasps at the front and the icy rings of his fingers presses against my sternum. I grit my teeth, “I didn’t wear this for you.”

His abs contract as he pushes himself back up, his eyes dark as his hands find the clasp on my trousers, undoing them with ease and tugging them off. His other hand comes back up to tilt my chin up.

“D’you really hate me?” He asks.

“Yes,” I respond with zero hesitation.

He moves his body, covering mine with his own again. My breath catches in my throat as he presses his lips to my neck, slowly moving down. He drives me crazy with anticipation and I wriggle up to keep up the pace but he holds me in place. I let out a moan as he kisses my inner thighs, his fingers gripping the tops of them. I'm squirming under his hold, the heat pooling inside of me.

“Do you hate me?” He asks again.

“Yes,” I cry, not wanting to relent to him.

“Good,” he says and that’s the last thing I remember.

The rest is a tangle of limbs, an out-of-body sensation, and seismic wave after wave coursing through my body. It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced before; the fury we felt with each other fuzes to the passion of the moment and it blitzes every damn thought out of my head.

Hours later, or maybe the whole night later—I don’t know but all I do know was that my body was spent and I was barely hanging on.

“I can’t,” I plant my hands on his shoulders and nearly pitch forward just from pausing. His hand splays on my back, keeping me in place as he turns us around.

“Okay?” He asks low.

I nod, grateful that he was taking over.

And after riding out what I know would be my last wave he rolls off of me, and we lay there just trying to catch our breaths.

After a few minutes, I sense him tilting towards me, his eyes on my face. When he stares for so long it becomes obvious, I look back at him.

His eyes are not the same ones that started this mess, they’re breezy meadows of green compared to the icy sea glass from before. But it’s not surprising. With each round and each minute we spent with other tonight, things had grown softer. Not gentle, but softer.

And as we look at each other with the awareness that the anger had bled into the threads of these tangled sheets a long time ago, we’re left with something neither of us want to distinguish. At least I don’t.

His gaze holds something too real for a place like this and I quickly look away and back at the ceiling. I feel his eyes on me a moment longer before he himself turns away to stare at the same ceiling.

“Y/N,” someone suddenly calls my name, tapping my cheeks with a gentle pat. I have to pull myself from the depths of wherever the fuck I just went to open my eyes and look up, at Harry. He looks concerned and asks me a question that I don’t register—I was truly out of it. I must have dozed off.

I push his hand away and grab the closest piece of clothing to wrap around myself in which ends up being a sheet. I take myself to the bathroom to clean up.

I hardly recognize the girl in the mirror. My eyes are blown out and my neck looks like it was rammed by a bull. I can hardly look at the rest of me. I would need to buy something high necked before we got picked up tomorrow morning and use all the concealer I had. I know I marked every inch of him I could find too.

I had never felt that level of passion with anyone. It was unnerving.

My knees collapse under me as I sit on the toilet and try to count the tiles on the opposite wall, just to come back to earth. To my body.

I sense a shadow under the door after I’m in there for a while, I watch it move from one side to the other and then move away. I wait longer, nearly falling asleep there before going back out.

The bed looks a right mess and most of the duvet is twisted to the side. I don’t bother with it, I use the sheet I’m wrapped in and crawl right into bed. Harry seems to have fallen asleep too but as I near sleep I feel the bed dip and the heavy weight of the duvet drapes over me.

I don’t have enough clarity or energy tonight to think about what any of this meant but I know I was right about leaving.

***

We return to London on a Wednesday morning and nearly kiss the ground. Harry was still playing two shows here but getting to go back home instead of a hotel room was enough to make us weep.

I didn’t really have a home to go back to. I’d been thinking about that a lot as the tour took us closer and closer to London. I had texted Gray yesterday and we agreed I could crash there until this weekend to get my stuff together.

London had a metaphorical grey fog over it in my mind. Nothing felt appealing about it and the only thing on my mind these days was home—my childhood home.

I already knew I was going to give in my resignation letter to Harry after tour but I had a 3 week period under contract. I don’t think I could afford a hotel for three weeks and staying with any of my friends is out of the question.

These thoughts kept me preoccupied.

It helped me not to think about that night though. I avoided Harry unless it was for work, returning to the solitude of my first few months working for him. He does the same: curt and avoidant. I know others notice but nobody dares to ask.

It was the most intense thing I’d done in my whole life and that was saying something. There was a way that Harry got under my skin that nobody else could. And it was hard to find a balance after the scales had shifted so far in that direction.

I felt like I had to block it out until I could have space to process it. And yet memories still seeped through when I was quiet for a moment too long or when he’d walk past me with the same cologne as that night and I’d catch a whiff. I was doubly sure this chapter had to close.

When I get back to the flat on Wednesday Gray has vanished as he promised. He told me he’d drop by that evening to talk. Surprisingly, I felt calm about it. I don’t know if it was getting all of that ferocious energy out that had been churning for months, but I feel level-headed and I appreciate the space to myself.

Gray texts me before he arrives. Like this wasn’t the flat he was now paying for alone.

I know what he wanted to talk about—we were all supposed to go to Harry’s last show at the o2 since I had tickets for everyone. Josie was stoked and based on the way she’s been texting me leading up to the day I don’t think she knew. Gray confirms it.

“So,” he rubs the back of his neck. He looked nice in a beanie and corduroy jacket. I wonder if any of the effort was for me, then vanish the thought.

“So,” I echo.

We stand awkwardly across from each other—him propping himself up behind the couch and me leaning against the dining table. Like we needed to get as much furniture between us. Like we hadn’t shared a bed a few weeks ago.

“We should sit?”

“Yeah,” he attempts a laugh and sits on the sofa. I choose the closest chair and turn it to face him. “Yeah. Um, I don’t know how you feel about Saturday. But I haven’t told Josie yet. I haven’t really told anyone.”

I nod, “Me too. Not really. People at work think we’re on a break.”

“Right. Good.” He says. “I’m not tryna lie to people but I don’t really want to get into it…”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “So Josie?”

“I’ll let her know once…once you move out?”

Move out. Of this flat. It’s been home for nearly 3 years.

Gray had surprised me with it when he found it—I had been broke and only been able to pitch in for utilities and groceries but he’d been gracious. He’d been supportive once. But I guess his support had boundaries too. I didn’t entirely blame him for that.

“Sounds good. Or later, maybe when she’s done her exams.”

He leans back on the couch, arms spread over the back and sighs as he studies me. “Yeah of course. I should’ve thought of that. You’re always good at that stuff. She’s gonna be gutted.”

I nod. Not sure what to say to that.

“So you’ll be out on Saturday yeah?” He asks after a while. It seemed both of us had a lot on our minds. But his question stings a little.

“Yep. I’m off for most of the week so I’ll just pack things up. Uhm, with Josie and whatnot I guess we’re still acting like a couple? Will that be weird?”

“Yeah. It will be but we’ve got no other option.”

“Right.” I respond. His voice grows an edge I’m not a fan of. “Well. Thanks for letting me stay here. If you need anything else I guess you can grab it now.”

I want to ask how he’s doing, who he’s staying with, and just hold his face one last time to really remember. But his cold apathy grows like frostbite over the room and creeps into my heart. I always thought where there was love there would always be love but I’m not as sure tonight.

I stay busy and when I can’t sleep at night; I map out a dream, an exit plan home. I write up my resignation letter, I look at flights and rentals and talk things out with my family, I cancel wedding and couple shit, and grieve a fair bit.

On Friday afternoon, my only formal shift this week, I head to Harry’s with an anxious weight in my chest and a buzz in my head from the hope. Hope that this chapter of my life could end soon, and I can head home and recuperate and plan out what my life was going to look like.

Harry’s on a call when I get in. He spares me a glance but I head to the office with my stack of mail. Today was mostly for some housekeeping/admin but I hope to avoid Harry for the most part like I’ve done since that night. My letter sits like a bar of gold in my bag.

I hear him move about the flat. I restock some pantry items, and we speak as little as possible. Going with him to his meeting was my final task for today so I decide it’s a good time to hand in my letter.

I find him sitting in the studio, tapping a pen against the table.

“Mr. Styles?”

“Hm?” He drags his eyes away from his screen to look at me.

“So we’re heading to your meeting in 10. Before then I just wanted to hand this in.”

The envelope stays outstretched in my hand and he eyes it, not taking it.

“What is that?”

“Can you just take it?” I shake it a little, like a bag of treats for a puppy.

His muscles move one inch every ten seconds, that’s how slow he is to sit up in his seat and finally take the letter from my hands. I almost let out a big sigh of relief. The process was finally in place.

“What is it?” He asks again, tearing the corner and down the side like he usually did.

I wait for him to unfold the thirds before answering, “my resignation letter.”

His eyes scan the sheet left to right right to left and when he looks up at me it’s hard to say what he’s thinking.

“Is this a joke?”

“No? Obviously not? I’m handing in my 3 weeks. I’ll also email a copy to Jeff and you.”

“Why are you doing this?” He stands, his tall frame rigid.

“Why? Because I’m…I’m quitting? I think I’ve learned everything I could here a-and it’s time to move on.”

By here I don’t mean working for Harry Styles and co but just here as in London. I’ve learned a fuck ton of life lessons here, and it was time to process them elsewhere.

“Is this to get back at me somehow? I don’t understand,” the papers crinkle in his fist as he grips it tighter. “Do you want a raise? Can we talk about this?”

“No.” I say and even though there’s so much more I could say I think that sums up my answer.

He looks puzzled, then annoyed. Just then my phone buzzes. The car was downstairs.

I grab my laptop and we head down. I was coming along to take minutes and then head home. In the car I reassure Harry,

“I plan on wrapping things up in the next three weeks and making sure everything is set up for an easy transition. I’ll leave continuity notes and reach out to people I regularly communicate with to break the news. The next couple months are pretty easy anyway coming out of tour and going on holiday so there should be plenty of time for the new PA, whoever your hire, to catch up.”

He doesn’t say a word. It reminds me of our first drive to the studio together. How naïve I was. How things changed.

He continues staring out the window, resting his face on his fist. I remember my teeth dragging over that jaw. I blink the image away; this was why I had to go.

When we get to Graham’s office Harry tells Jeff, “we don’t need minutes.”

Jeff looks over at me for answers and I shrug. I guess I came here for no reason but at least I had my laptop to work.

“Uh y/n please come i-“

“She’s fine working out there,” Harry cuts Graham off. Graham looks offended, his gaze drawing between Harry and I. Again, I shrug. I wasn’t leaving today I don’t know why he was acting like it.

For the next hour or so I sit at a spare cubicle and do just as I said in the car. I type out lists for upcoming interviews and studio days. I send emails for information to note for whoever the poor person was to replace me.

I had been keeping the Dos and Don’ts updated over the last year and it feels like a baby the way it came together with so much thought. I was almost sad to part with it.

Nobody tells me the meeting is over. The door simply opens and Harry breezes past.

“I’ll be in the car.” He mutters. Any faster and I would have to hold down the papers around me.

When he’s gone beyond sight, I turn back to the open door.

“What’s the matter with him?” I hear Graham asking inside.

“You keep pushing him,” Jeff responds with irritation. “That’s not his brand Graham.”

“Well that’s a different tune. Prior to this you were singing my praises with these new ideas.”

“I don’t know. Something’s been up with him for…a while-“

“Since that article isn’t it?” Graham references the Harry Styles slander when we were in Spain. Little did they know other things had also happened.

“We dealt with that article.”

Shit, I think. Has he been any different? I think I was keeping too much distance from him to notice.

“Y/n,” my name snaps me out of my thoughts.

“Mhm?” I’m beckoned to the meeting room. “Yes?”

“Find out what’s wrong with him. Or better yet just convince him to be a bit more alive at his last show tomorrow with his usual charm? He hasn’t been his full capacity the last few shows has he?”

Shit. “Um. Burnout?”

The two men look at each other. They make a face like that couldn’t possibly be why. I tell the men what they want to hear, that I’d try to find out and get him back to his charming self (yuck) before joining Harry in the car.

“Jeff and Graham aren’t all that happy with you,” I say when we start driving. Harry was giving me a lift home. “They’re insisting you do it right at your final tomorrow. Be your charming self.”

He grunts in response, head facing the window again. Was he allergic to look forward in the car or something?

“Are you coming?” He asks after a good ten minutes of silence.

“Tomorrow?”

“Mhm.”

“Yeah. I gave my extra tickets to…my fiance,” my brain fumbles my words as it remembers what he was and now is. And the lie I had to keep up. “And his sister and her friend.”

He just nods in acknowledgement, somehow stonier.

When the car pulls up to my familiar building I thank his driver and begin my shimmy out but Harry puts a hand to my knee to stop me. His touch sears right through my stockings and he must feel it too because he slides his hand back.

“Answer this,” he looks at me for the first time tonight. Wow, this really did feel like my first week on the job.

“Sure,” I reply.

“Is it because of that night?”

It’s the first time it’s been mentioned, and his gaze burns brighter than a forest fire. It’s mesmerizing and I can’t look away.

Wait, he wanted an answer.

“It’s because of a lot of things,” I answer truthfully.

He clenches his jaw. Leans back in his seat. The seatbelt reverses to hold him in place again and he’s no longer looking at me. I take that as my cue to go.

***

Josie bursts into the flat dressed to the nines in a groovy floral jumpsuit and boas in her hand. “Don’t worry. I have one for each of us.”

Her friend trails behind her in an equally 70s inspired look.

“That’s what you’re wearing?” Josie judges her brother’s hoodie and jeans. “You’re lowering the vibe Gray do better. Y/n? Why didn’t you brief him?”

“I did!” I eye Gray. “Don’t blame me.”

This was way more awkward than I thought. Or I really was not as good of an actress as I wished.

“What am I supposed to wear?” Gray asks. “I’m not wearing a jumpsuit.”

Josie rolls her eyes. “Y/n please drag him back and find a decent tee or something?”

“Yes ma’am,” I take Gray by the arm and take him back.

“This is kinda weird hey?” I whisper when we close the door.

“I don’t really like it either,” Gray scratches his head. “But it’s for the best.”

I nod and then louder announce, “Well it’s Jo’s night so find something a tad more retro?”

We end up with a red tee and find a belt to tie the look. Josie hugs her brother with thanks when she sees it.

I had on a pair of black bellbottoms paired with a blank tank. My hair was in spacebuns and Josie plucks a few boa feathers to accessorize my hair. It’s cute.

We head off and I have to make a conscious effort to remember my mannerisms with Gray before all this. I feel woozy while I slide my hand into his on the ride there, as Josie snaps our pics on her disposable, as she tells us to get one of us where Gray’s kissing my cheek and she’ll save it to show our kids. It makes me sick.

He keeps an arm on my waist as we walk. I want this night to be over so bad but every time I look Josie’s way I perk back up a little. I wanted her to enjoy this.

And she does. I’m sure she’s lost her voice by the end of the concert. At one point we drift away a little and breathe easier to drop the act but when she’s back Gray wraps his arms around me from behind and we act like a happy couple. Again, I felt sick.

Being in Gray’s arms held none of the spark it used to. I just feel awkward and sad.

At one point Harry looks my way, I don’t know how he spotted me in such a big crowd. It’s between songs and he looks at the group I’m with. I give a pathetic wave and he nods ever so slightly, his gaze sliding off soon after. Gray’s arm tightens around my shoulder and my heart gives a squeeze in response. I’m reminded: this era was ending.

The band told me to meet them backstage at the end, to join in on the final-show celebration. Josie and Gray would wait at a local pub and with the way Josie’s Instagram stories were glowing I could imagine her sitting there uploading it all.

“I couldn’t have done it without any of you,” I catch Harry saying as I slip behind stage with my pass. “I know I’ve not been the easiest to be with but you all sit in my heart. This is our Euro tour, concluded.”

Somebody pops bubbly and I congratulate the whole team as they drink. They insist on going out for proper drinks and I’m denied not going. They tell me to invite my guests to party with them and I know, based on where we were going, Josie was going to flip.

Juniper, a club that gets us all in on Harry’s face card, is opulent and lively on the inside. Josie is buzzing about with her friend—Gray had opted to go home, claiming he had early morning sessions. Josie didn’t think twice about him, but we pretended to go back and forth with a final warning from Gray to Josie to behave.

“He’s a broody one,” Charlie comments on Gray as we chatter while we get drinks. “Sister?”

“Yeah. Doesn’t know yet though so,” I put my finger to my lip.

“So no Barcelona dancing tonight?” Sarah teases. I laugh and tell them to keep me tamed. “We gotta do some shots with the team though where is everyone?”

We gaze around the room and manage to get everyone together. After one round of shots and another that Harry forced on all of us I feel the tension I’ve been carrying with me most days slide away.

We end up sticking together as a group and dance together, laughing and cheering each other on. Even Harry’s in a cheery mood—I suspect the alcohol. I catch him watching me at one point and when I raise my brow he takes my hand and spins me in a friendly twirl. I trip on my wide-legged pants and he catches me from behind. With my back to his chest I have the urge to turn around and kiss him and feel the peculiar comfort I had received from him before. That thought drives me away from him again. Despite the tight knit group there’s too much between us to even attempt being close.

I call it quits when Josie finds me and announces she was going home. I hug the newfound family I had made over the last few months one final goodbye, knowing I might never see them together like this again.

***

Jeff’s reaction to my news surprises me the most. He’s visibly upset and tries to sell me anything to stay. I tell him there was nothing to keep me at my job but I would rely on him for a good reference. I think it’s the first time he’s ever reassured me.

Between Harry and I it remains curt. Sometimes even edgy. I post my own job replacement and Jeff keeps me updated on potential candidates. By the time my last week rolls around I’m host to a roil of emotions.

The first week homeless, Charlie had let me crash on her couch and promised not to say a word to anyone. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome and so I had checked into a hotel and called it home for now.

I’m on my way back home to the hotel after being at Gray’s. We’d invited Josie over for dinner now that her exams were over and she’d been suspicious from the start.

We had told her the truth and she refused to believe it, hurt and betrayal in her eyes as she looked at me and realized she had been kept in the dark for the last week. I felt worse then, than I did when Gray and I called it quits.

I promised her a lunch together this week to talk more. Just because I was out of Gray’s life didn’t mean I had to be out of hers. I thought I could also tell her then that I was leaving to go back home.

On my second last day at work, Harry sends me on an errand near the end of the day. When I get back there’s a small group of friendly and familiar faces waiting to surprise me. I’m touched by the gesture, and I try to corner Harry to say thank you but it feels he avoids me at every chance, always in a larger crowd.

I finally catch him while I’m heading out of the bathroom and he’s heading down the hall.

“Oh hey,” I step in his way. He looks cornered. “I just wanted to say thanks for throwing this.”

“Yeah,” he gestures it was nothing. “It was Jeff’s idea.”

Ouch. I hide the sting. “Well. Thanks regardless.”

He nods, staying mute, but his eyes speak a thousand words—just none that I can read. They stay trained on me, communicating whatever.

Slowly the furrow between his brows eases and the sharp edges of his face give way to a softened expression. I’m scared to move in case I break the trance and don’t get to hear whatever his racing thoughts spit out. Just when it looks like he’s about to say something, a guest turns the corner up the hall.

“Anyone in the toilet?” It was Mitch. Damnit.

“Nope,” I step out of the way, inadvertently brushing Harry. A shiver runs up my spine and I try to act casual but he stiffens beside me. Was it that awful being around me, jeez.

I give up. If he wanted to continue staying moody, so be it. I leave to go back to the party and don’t look back.

My final days in London are hard. The same way I arrived, I go: alone and unsure of what’s ahead.

I always thought here was where I would stay forever. And maybe one day I would return but there was a little too much friction between me and the Capital.

I finish work on an unremarkable note after going through processes with the new hire, and dotting all of my i’s. Harry is nowhere to be seen and I’m gone before he gets back. I’m frustrated that he’s behaving this way but there’s also too much between us for the simple goodbye I yearn for.

I visit all of my old favourites, have one last drink at my old local pub somewhere in between Gray’s flat and Harry’s. I shed a lot of tears on my pilgrimage through the city’s veins. I promise the paved and cobblestone roads I would be back one day.

The walls of my lungs ease open on the flight home. Still, tears cascade down my face silently as the plane sleeps. Eventually I do too. When I wake the sky is filled with bright blinding sunrise, and American soil peeks out below me: I was finally home.

••••••••••••••••••••

Present (2 years on):

My heart flutters seeing Harry here, I chalk it up to anxiety. But it annoys me that despite all the distance and the growth, he still had an effect on me.

Harry’s head turns and before I can be smart about it our eyes lock. His eyebrows raise ever so slightly before his face falls into a nonchalant facade again. I don’t even want to know what my face looked like.

Then he gets the nerve to smirk, hang his head, and then grab his drink and walk towards me.

“If I had a cross I would be holding it up right now.” I have to shout a little so he hears me before he gets to me. He was an emotional vampire feeding on all of mine.

“Now why’s that?” He continues towards me. My emotions swirl through me. “I thought time heals all wounds. Why the unfriendly welcome Mrs. Duran?”

I grit my teeth at the name, he was still filled with poison. “Right, the timeless wisdom of clichés.”

“I like to think I’m pretty timeless.” He smiles.

“I’ve found that time may heal wounds, but scars make sure you never forget.”

“Well, scars aside, you look good,” he moves on and I feel like an idiot the way I was used to feeling around him.

“Of course I do.”

“What are you doing in London? Last I checked I was getting a reference check from America.”

I debate not answering him but I was trying to straddle the line between indifference and confidence. It was like walking a tightrope.

“I’m in London for a little while,” I give vaguely.

“Ah,” he smiles and damnit I forgot how handsome he could be. How handsome could then turn into seductive so quickly. I had to remember: Still a devil. “Are you looking for a new employer? Because I could be hiri-“

“No.” I cut him off. “I finally have a job I love so I’m good.”

Something flickers in his eyes but surprisingly he stays quiet.

“What are you doing here?” I ask. I sort of wish I still had a drink in my hand, they feel awkward and clunky and I want to avoid playing with my hair. Gah. “Global star drinks alone at his local bar?”

He laughs but I can tell I hit a minor nerve. “Here I’m just a local. Always have been—it’s nice to be anonymous for a little bit.”

I roll my eyes. I didn’t believe that for a second. He loved his fame and everything that came with it.

Plus I used to come here all the time, I would’ve known if my employer was a local too. He was lying for some reason.

“Mr. Styles if there’s one thing I remember about you, you’d choose death over anonymity.”

“Firstly,” he leans in and I get a whiff of his usual cologne with a hint of malt. “A person can change a lot. So maybe you don’t know me as much as you think you do-“

“Oh I don’t think anyone can change that drastically in only a year-“

“You seemed to have.”

His words take mine out of my mouth. I hadn’t changed, not really. I’d always been this y/n but the further I got away from him the more reassured I had gotten being that y/n.

“And secondly,” he continues before I could think of a response. “You no longer work for me. Harry is fine.”

The smile he throws me is almost sweet if I didn’t know the cruelty that could hide underneath. I don’t return the smile, I only raise my brow and look back down at my phone. My cell service hasn’t gotten any better and I’d missed the wifi password.

I could connect to Harry’s wifi, ask him so that I could order an uber.

I’d rather van gogh my ear.

I weigh all my options and consider the last one again. I look up to see what Harry was doing in the silence and find him looking at me. A shiver runs up my spine as our eyes clash. So much history and words unspoken fall in between. A very specific night flashes through my mind. I wonder if it does him because he looks down first. Damn.

“So I’ve gotta get going,” I say.

“Let me buy you a drink.” He says at the same time.

He laughs awkwardly and repeats, “One drink?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“We’re not drinking buddies.” I pull my purse to my chest, wanting to hop off this stool and run home if I need to. Put as much distance between myself and this man that was put on this earth to confuse me.

“Then what are we y/n?” He asks, his voice silky smooth as he leans in. The voice that whispered sweet nothings into my ear in my worst nightmares, nightmares of cotton sheets and heated limbs, of passion and shame.

“Ex-employer,” I point to him. I point to myself, “Ex-employee.”

“Exes have drinks together,” he grins full well knowing the double meaning.

“Never ends well,” I eye the door.

“Just as stubborn as I remember.”

“And you were saying people change?” I raise my brow.

He drops the smile and sighs, “I’m not gonna be able to convince ya am I?”

I shake my head. He should know that by now.

“Can I walk you out at least?”

I shrug, couldn’t hurt.

“What is this?” I ask as he opens the door for me.

“What?”

“This? Why are you trying to be so friendly?”

“I thought we could be friendly exes.”

And when did he get so cheeky.

“Something weird is going on,” I watch him stay in step with me as I walk up. With no service I was going to take the tube. “And I don’t like it.”

“Nothing weird is going on don’t get all paranoid on me.”

“Don’t call me paranoid! You never call a woman paranoid.”

“I thought that was conspiracy theorists?”

“Nooo. You’re being weird.”

"Alright, no need to get all Freudian on me. Just trying to be a decent human here."

I shake my head, somehow in our exchange my face had decided it was okay to smile. To forget what he put me through and remember instead that when things were good between us we actually got along.

Damnit. The devil knew how to play tricks. I wipe the smile off my face while he continues walking with me.

“So…what have you been up to?” He asks.

“Working, you know me.” I say after trying to figure out what his angle was but unable to find one.

“Oretta Smith I hear, how did you manage that?”

“I’m just that good Harry,” I say. His name is weird in my mouth. Sure I called him that in my head but I usually used Mr. Styles. I can tell he feels the same with his quick glance my way.

“How do you like that?”

“Yeah, she’s a great employer like I said. Very professional. Lots of flexibility.” Each praise is a knock to his ego. But it was all true, plus with Winnie joining the team I had a friend my age that felt great.

But there was also a darker side called burnout that I barely admitted to myself. Ever since we landed in London and I had time to orient my new self in a city that molded my old self, I felt the familiar singe of purposeless. But I keep it to myself of course.

“Great.” Harry responds curtly. “What about yourself? How’s your life, are you finally married?”

My instinct is to raise my defences and chew him out, he must know Gray and I were done what with me living in the States.

And yet, when I peer past the defences and take a long hard look at him I realize he is asking earnestly and without another angle.

We’re nearing the tube now. I hesitate in lying or telling the truth.

“We broke up,” I choose to confess. I peek at him and he looks surprised, even sorry.

“I didn’t know. Sorry.”

“I’d hope not,” I reply. “Otherwise you’d be an asshole calling me Mrs. Duran.”

He huffs an awkward laugh.

“Anyway this is me—

“I can give you a ride home—wherever that is right now?” He asks.

We’re stood in front of the glass doors. There’s not a lot of people this time of night. And as tempting as his offer was, the way he looks at me right now sends poisonous butterflies to my stomach and I think it’s best I get home for the big day tomorrow and not make any regrets.

“I’m not too far,” I lie. I point a thumb to the doors behind me. “I’m just gonna…”

“Yeah. Yeah right.” He’s awkward, which is a first. He clears his throat and stuffs his hand into his pocket. I watch him with a removed sort of curiosity. Eventually he coughs out his question. “How long are you in London for?”

“A few weeks,” I reply.

He finally meets my eyes again—and there goes my stomach. He was supposed to have zero effect on me, I was supposed to stay mad at him. Why was my body betraying me? Why did it continue to loop memories from that night and remind me of the things he whispered in the dark?

“A few weeks,” he murmurs back.

His gaze travels over my face openly, no longer holding back the barely-hidden expressions from before. Because I told him Gray and I weren’t a thing? Because I was entertaining whatever bullshit this was?

“Yep,” I nod. Awkward. Nervous. Cautious.

“My number’s the same,” his eyes snap back to mine. “If you want to go for that drink later.”

“Harry,” I try to break it to him another way. I wish I could just say I never want that drink. “I don’t think-“

“Don’t think,” he cuts me off. He laughs when I furrow my brows. “I mean, I’m right here for most of the next few weeks. When you feel like you want to have that drink just give me a call. Or text.”

Why, I want to ask him. Why, after all this time, after everything that happened? And it’s like he reads my mind in the silence.

“I know you left on a pretty poor note.” He shuffles his feet. “I know a lot of that was my fault. I apologize for that. Um, but I did enjoy having you around. You were excellent at your job and…you are missed. Even Jeff remembers you fondly. Which is saying something.”

This was some sort of prank. Or Harry had gotten so famous he now had a doppelgänger roaming the streets as him. It couldn’t be that Harry, my Harry, would say something so sentimental and so…genuine.

“So uh yeah, I would love to see you again while you’re in town.” He says when I don’t respond.

“Right.” I choke out.

He shrugs when I can’t bring myself to say anything more. “We do change, whether you believe it or not y/n.”

I swallow, hoping to lubricate my vocal cords and find my voice. “I-I really do have to go.”

Crestfallen, he nods. His hand comes up to touch my elbow. “Yeah ‘course. Just…think about it?”

I look down at his hand and he lets go, we stay in another bubble of silence. His eyes flicker down to my lips and I feel a wave of warmth as I try not to do the same.

“Goodnight,” I blurt and get to the other side of the glass doors. He watches me go.

On the escalator down I risk a glance back and he’s still there, watching until I’m out of sight. That ended incredibly awkward.

Leave it up to Harry to confuse me in coming back into my life. Damn him, he could never be consistent.

***

Waking up super early to catch the train out to Cambridge is so worth it because I get to watch Josie walk the stage and graduate with distinction wearing her famous smile that beams over the vast room.

Despite what happened with Gray and I, Josie and I have kept in touch steadily over the last year. It started as weekly facetimes which reduced down to monthly calls and have now become a steady stream of texts and memes swapped back and forth.

When she found out I’d be in London around her graduation dates she gave me no choice but to show up, sending me a ticket without asking.

I knew I’d see Gray, and a part of me was nervous and curious how that was going to go. But mostly I was grateful to still be in Josie’s life and spend time with her in person. She was the part of this life I missed most.

I’m sat somewhere in the middle of the room and Josie was smart enough not to seat me with the rest of her guests. But I know I would see everyone during photos and the dinner we were having later on. I try keep my focus on the ceremony however.

“Y/N!” Josie rushes towards me when she sees me after the ceremony. The group she departs from I recognize is a mix of her girl friends, her family, and a few others.

“Josie!” I return the same energy and she leaps into my arms. I squeeze her tight to me. “I’m soo proud of you my girl.”

We sway side to side, until we get enough hug.

“Look at you!” She exclaims when she leans back. “Your hair looks amazing and you are glowing. Please tell me you have a boy in your life.”

“No,” I laugh.

“A girl?” She asks hesitantly.

“No! I’m just…happy where I am right now! How about you look at you! You look phenomenal as per.”

“Oh thanks,” she takes the compliment and giggles. “I asked my dad to grad gift me a salon and spa visit so I am rejuvenated and blown out.”

“Aren’t you ever,” I touch a lock of her hair. “Congratulations.”

“Eek!” She squeals. “Finally finished this hellscape! I can’t wait to never write an exam again—ooh wait I want you to meet my boy…”

“So that’s why we’re actually glowing,” I tease as she tugs me towards the group. That definitely has Gray. My stomach drops the closer we get, he doesn’t seem to notice. He looks busy talking to one of Josie’s friends.

“Anyway,” she deposits me in front of a 6 foot something guy made of angles. “This is Jax. My boyfriend. We met during a Friendsgiving Myles threw last year.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jax smiles. “Y/N right?”

“Yes!”

“I was supposed to get around to that,” Josie huffs.

“Sorry she talked about you a lot when she found out you were coming. She was really excited.”

“Ugh,” she turns to me like she was embarrassed but her face is glowing. Josie was in looove.

“You two are so cute,” I tease which just makes Josie blush a little harder. “So are we getting any pictures?”

“Oh yeah,” Jax swivels his head. “Liliya has the good camera if you want to get-“

“Oh we can use our phones,” Josie cuts him off.

“No get the high res one—Liliya, camera?” Jax motions a shuttering action to the friend Gray was talking to. He’s so tall above the crowd that both look up at him and comply.

“Y/N,” Josie drags my arms back and takes me on the outskirt of the crowd. “I’m so sorry I never mentioned because I thought you wouldn’t come if I did tell you but you-“

“Y/N?”

Josie’s rushed whispers are cut short when Gray notices me and calls my name. He looks stupefied. I spare a glance to Josie and she’s paled.

She didn’t tell him.

“Hey,” I force a friendly tone. I was going to kill that girl.

“Did you all want a photo?” Josie’s friend Liliya shoulders her way back into the circle with the camera on a strap. She turns to Gray, “Babe?”

It’s an odd sensation, like all oxygen has left my lungs and they’re being squeezed as if tightened in a vice. Gray’s eyes drag away from me to his…girlfriend? Definitely not Josie’s friend.

It shakes me in the moment how much I realize I still cared, still carried a shred of hope for…something. And not consciously knowing this makes this moment feel a little like a slap in the face.

What did I think? I was going to leave this country for a year and people were going to pause where I last left them? Of course Gray’s moved on. Aside from the end he was a great partner and anybody would want that.

These thoughts race through my head in the few seconds Gray responds to his girlfriend and I look at Josie. She looks guilty as charged.

“I tried to tell you just now?” She whispers.

Deep breaths, I remind myself. You’re not the hot-headed y/n these people knew last. This day is not about you. It’s about Josie.

“It’s cool. Let’s get some photos,” I smile. “Don’t want to miss having them with you.”

She sighs but keeps her eyes on my face as we walk farther out.

“I am really sorry,” she whispers.

“Hey it’s alright,” I lie. This was the worst of it—Gray had moved on, had a great girlfriend, and I was living the life I wanted. No harm and no foul. “Honestly Jo I get it, you wanted me here reallllly bad.”

“I did!” She says. “But I’m also gonna kill Jax.”

I laugh and we straighten up when we realize the camera was already pointed at us. Josie flashes her degree and a few of her friends join the pictures too. We hustle back to Gray to see them and flipping back on the first few makes my breath catch in my throat. There’s one in particular where Josie is turned to me talking and my mouth is in a big grin because I’m laughing.

I catch eyes with Gray in an uncomfortably intimate second.

“Send me that one for sure wow Gray that’s a really good shot.”

“Oh wow,” his girlfriend peers over. “That’s a great candid.”

“Yeah,” I agree. I’d love a copy too. And of course that’s when Gray’s girlfriend notices me and introduces herself.

“I don’t think we’ve met—is that an American accent I detect?”

“It is,” I smile. “I’m Y/N.”

“Oh!” Two spots of pink appear on her face. It seems she’s heard of me. “Well it’s nice to meet you—nice that Josie invited you! I’m Liliya but Lily works too.”

“C’mon!” Josie interrupts the awkward by grabbing her brother’s arm and pushes him in the direction of where her friends are posing for photos. He takes some shots but Josie hates the look of them and gives the camera to Lily instead.

With just Gray and I left behind it grows very awkward.

“I thought Josie told everyone I would be-“ I say just as he says, “I didn’t realize you would be-“

We stop and chuckle awkwardly.

“Sorry,” I shake my head.

“No,” he shrugs. “It’s cool. It’s cool you’re here actually.”

“Okay,” is all I can say. Until the awkward silence stretches. “So…Liliya?”

“Yeah. Yeah, Liliya. You?”

I want to lie, but I shake my head. “No. Sorta needed the year to breathe a little.”

“Fair. How’s America?”

“Oh y’know, still super-sized and politically a guessing game.”

“Have you turned on our news while you’ve been down at all?” He raises a brow. I laugh because he was right. It was all a shitshow everywhere.

He asks me about my family as Josie jogs up to us.

“Okay, tell me the truth is my hair going flat?”

“No,” I look behind her where her friends are hovering over Lily and the camera going over their photos.

“Good. Where’s mum and dad?” Josie asks Gray. “Dad was just here 10 minutes ago he said he’d come by for—oh there’s mum! Look!”

We turn to where she points. Michelle—what I’ve always called Gray’s mom, spots her daughter at the same time and waves. She starts to walk towards us.

It’s nice to see her but I also feel a bit nervous; going cold turkey on relationships you only had because of an ex are always weird to come back to. Especially ones you were fond of.

“Mum! You’re missing all the pictures!” Josie says. “Where’ve you been!?”

“I just saw somebody I knew back from my first job as a librarian can you believe that?” Michelle says as she joins the group.

“Crazy. Well mum look who got to show up today! Isn’t that crazy too?”

Michelle looks at me and the bright smile that was intended for her daughter dies like a flower in overnight frost. The look wipes the anticipation off my face.

“Who?”

That one word shades the sun from the sky and brings forth a gust of western winds through the group.

“Mum,” Josie look between me, her mum, and Gray. She’s confused. “Y/N?”

“Hey Michelle,” I croak. Maybe my hair was too different for her to recognize me, or maybe she had early onset alzheimers. Surely this woman who I’ve had a better relationship with than her own son has wouldn’t be treating me like your worst frenemy at your high school reunion.

But Michelle looks right through me. I can’t explain how it feels, not in the moment. I’m gutted, and feel an unexplainable wave of sadness.

“Mum…” Josie sounds hurt and Gray finally decides to swoop in.

“Mum let’s check out the photos we took already. We gotta get some of the three of us.”

They walk away and I feel seven inches tall but I turn to Josie with a brave face and face her teary one.

“That was kind of awkward,” I downplay.

“Y/N I’m honestly so sorry I-,” Josie blinks rapidly.

“No it’s ok!”

“I don’t know why she acted like that-“

“Hey It’s natural for her to feel that way I’m alright don’t get upset-“

“It’s not alright though! That was such a…she never acts like that.”

It was true. Michelle was a free-spirit as she called herself. That’s why Gray had such a hard relationship with her; in his words, she was too emotional and ungrounded for him.

Yet apparently, she was able to find enough ground to stand on when it came to treating me like a nobody. I wonder if it’s because she heard Gray’s biased side of the story or she was hurt herself—still, the way she’s always talked about herself never struck me as someone who would believe a one-sided story. Or be a bitch to someone they previously called their daughter. It hurt like a mofo.

I didn’t want Josie to find out this way, here of all places, that her mom was just human after all. She idolized that woman.

So even though it hurt, I comfort her instead.

“She probably just feels betrayed by me leaving and stuff since we were close too. Imagine if Jax broke up with you and she gave him the cold shoulder—wouldn’t you feel justified?”

Josie scrunches her brows to think about the simplified story I’ve just fed her to feel better. I can tell it still doesn’t sit well with her but she nods in acceptance, “I guess.”

“Yeah, just forget it Josie. Plus you’ve got pictures to take so dry those eyes.”

“Shit I know,” she blinks some more. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to invite you here and twist the knife at every bloody turn.”

“Jo I’m honoured to get to be here and see all your hard work pay off. Don’t worry about anything else.”

“It’s unfair,” she says before she drifts to her group of friends. “I feel like nobody understands how…how understanding you are. But I’m really glad we’re still in touch. And you came for me.”

Her words bring tears to my eyes and I nod, afraid that talking would bring them forward. I watch her crash her group and start instructing photo coordination. I help hold things for people while they take photos and feel like a stranger outside the crowd. If it weren’t for Josie, I think I would have regretted coming here. I feel homesick and unwanted. A tough combo.

I was supposed to crash on someone’s couch tonight and do brunch with Josie tomorrow before going back to London but from the last half hour alone I know I’m going back to the city no matter how late it gets tonight. I think of the hotel room that was home right now, of how lonely that was going to feel to go back to too.

Home right now was in America, in the same time zone as my family, and comfortable in my shared apartment with one of my high school best friends who I reconnected with after going back home. I miss it so bad. And I feel like I’ve bitten into an unripe fruit coming back to the UK before I was ready apparently. My experience feels soured.

I shake off the doom and gloom when the party breaks. We were all going to meet at the restaurant at 6–my plan was to explore the university city and find a place to kill some time in. Maybe go outside to a park with lunch. Josie tries to convince me to join her and her friends for their mid-day celebration but I lie and tell her I had some work to do.

I call Winnie on my stroll through the city. I insist she update me on last night first, and she has more to tell—the guy had a yacht and he was inviting her to a party tonight. She tells me to join if I came back early and we cross our fingers that Oretta wouldn’t need her before then.

I originally called her to rant about Michelle and Gray but I don’t, I didn’t want to kill her vibe. So I scroll through my other contacts but don’t want to worry my mom and it was too early back home to reach anyone else.

My eyes catch on Harry’s name, he was at the top of my texts currently because he sent me a link this afternoon asking me for thoughts on it. I hadn’t opened it yet, I wasn’t sure what to think about this new persona he was wearing or that he thought yesterday’s run-in went okay enough to casually message me for my thoughts.

I remember the weird electricity of yesterday and shove my phone back into my pocket.

He genuinely wanted to have a drink? And talk??

I did enjoy having you around. You were excellent at your job and you are missed.

Was he trying to make up for his cruel words? But he also seemed a lot more mellow than before. Maybe that was just because I didn’t work for him. What did he want? And was I twisted for believing the new schtick?

Most curious of all was him at the pub in the first place. He was not a local there—that was a big lie.

I try to conjure up my previous hatred, calling him the Devil in my head. But it’s harder to do. Seeing him yesterday, he was just a man standing in front of a woman with a head full of cautionary tales and bad experiences.

Without warning images from that night come back and I feel my heart flutter. I shut them down just as quick. Not all bad, my body tries to remind me. I tell it to shut up.

I’ve barely stepped foot in this country again and already my mind was running circles around my heart. How exhausting.

***

I’m early to the restaurant, before anyone else apparently. As the hostess finds my name on her floor plan Josie comes in behind me with Jax.

“Oh! Y/n you’re early!” She seems flustered.

“Yeah I didn’t think I would be,” it was only a few minutes to 6.

We make small talk while we’re led to the table, Josie’s eyes keep darting to where our table might be.

“Sorry I was hoping to do this before you came,” she says when we get there. There are name cards along the 7 seats and she picks the one in front of me. “I’m just gonna move mum to my other side so it doesn’t get weird. Which means she’ll be closer to dad but…I think he’s bailing since his girlfriend doesn’t want to do this.”

Josie shrugs, I know how she feels about her dad’s girlfriend. She begins explaining the plans she has to do dinner with her dad later this week and the more she talks the more I can tell that she feels awkward. And I hate that it’s because of me. At one point Jax and I catch eyes and pass an awkward smile.

“Josie,” I walk up to her fiddling with the name tags. She stops talking immediately. I grip her shoulders. “Thanks.”

“Sorry,” she whispers. I wrap my arms around her and she melts into me.

“Stop apologizing.”

“Sorry. I can’t help it. It’s a disease.”

We let go with a laugh and she seems more stable. “This is going to be fine.”

Famous last words.

It’s definitely not fine and very awkward. Jax ends up sitting in front of me, and even though Liliya’s name tag was beside mine it’s suddenly swapped as they slide in and Gray sits beside me. I guess it might be too awkward for her but not awkward enough to fit someone we both dated between us.

I can sense Michelle’s pinched face as she notices us sitting beside each other and I feel badly for Josie the most as she tries to play the gracious host. At one point I sense Jax laying a hand on her arm and taking over, asking Michelle questions about her yoga and getting her talking.

“Did you need more?” Gray turns to me with the wine bottle, it’s the second thing he’s said to me tonight. Otherwise he mostly just watches me talk and leans back enough when others are talking so I can be involved.

“I’m okay,” I whisper. I didn’t want to draw any attention while Michelle was talking. She hadn’t said a peep to me, even when Josie tried to involve us both in a shared memory. She continued acting like I was Casper the ghost.

I can feel Lily’s eyes on us as Gray offers wine, of course they would be. No wonder Gray barely spoke to me all night. Fuck me, what was I doing here.

Jax is a sweetheart, asking me about my job and encouraging conversation between the both of us. I’m so happy for Josie that she found a partner like him.

By the time dinner is over I mostly want to cry. I feel spent. But I also feel like I crashed an intimate dinner and everyone’s polite enough not to mention it. Despite Josie, I do actually regret coming.

As we pay the bill and shuffle out, Josie grabs my arm.

“So I have two friends where you can crash at their place or Jax can sleep over at mine and you can sleep at his or-“

“I think I’m gonna head back to the city.”

Her face falls. But it’s like she knew I was going to say that.

“Sorry Jo. I think you should come to the city next week—maybe visit your brother? And while you’re down we’ll do brunch then. I’m mostly free while I’m here. I’m just pretty tired and have to help Winnie with something tomorrow.”

“Really?” She says in the smallest voice I’ve heard out of her. Salt to my wounds.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I know we were looking forward to getting time together.”

She juts out her lip and I’m reminded of the girl I met when I first started dating Gray. How she’d taken to me so quickly. How the whole family had. How things could end up like this.

And suddenly I see the future laid out in front of me. After tonight it would be hard to keep this relationship going—Josie and I. She’s just seen her mom be an unreasonable bitch for the first time, I can tell she’s been trying to compensate all night but the cracks won’t go away. It’ll always be a sitting duck between us.

We might try to stay in touch, maybe I’d reach out if I was ever in London or if she ever visited the west coast. But this would fizzle out.

She was still young and naive enough that her mom hung the moon and stars; mom’s beliefs were gospel, her opinions were rulings, and she’d just delivered my ultimate sentence: I was a black sheep to the family. How could sweet Josie walk through a mess like that?

“I’m so proud of you,” I tell her as I fight tears. “Congratulations again and thank you for inviting me.”

“Thanks. And you don’t have to be so nice. I know it was kind of a shitty invite.”

“No,” I insist. “I loved being here. I don’t regret showing up for you. I can’t wait to hear what you get up to.”

“I’m going to make sure to make it to the city next week,” she squeezes my arm. “We’ll see each other soon.”

“Exactly,” I look over at the rest of the group, where her boyfriend waits for her. Her family. “And I really like Jax, so good on you for that.”

“He…” she twists her lips, swallowing what she was going to say before vomiting it out. “I always aspired to have a relationship like yours and Gray’s. I never wanted to settle for anything less so that’s…that’s why Jax.”

“Hm I think you made us the bar and you leapt over it babe,” I wrap my arms around her again. I ache with the loss of what we used to be.

“See you soon,” she says before she drags herself back to the group.

I stand off to the side, awkwardly ordering an Uber. The group begins to walk the opposite way waving bye to me. I breathe easier without the weight of them around.

As I tap my foot in anticipation of the ride to the station arriving, I feel a hand tap my shoulder.

“Y/n,” it’s Gray. “Hey I…I just wanted to say something before you left.”

“Oh. Hey yeah. Shoot.”

What was it with everyone wanting to say something to me.

“Uh…ok give me a minute,” he laughs in the way I know to mean he was feeling nervous. “I just sort of jogged back impulsively.”

“Yeah well you have,” I glance at my phone. “4 or so minutes.”

“Damn,” he ruffles his hair. “Alright. I think I just wanna say sorry.”

“Oh.” That was it. Everyone had something to say to me and the something was apparently sorry.

“Yeah I’m sorry. I…when we broke up I was so upset and caught up in my own head. I blamed you for everything. I think it only hit me when you just up and moved out of the country how things actually went down.”

I hadn’t told anyone but Josie that I was leaving.

“Yeah you were just like gone.” He continues. “I guess a part of me thought we’d get some space, maybe circle back later…”

“You really betrayed me,” I remind him.

But even I know what he means. He hurt me bad and it might be crazy stupid but on some level we were both aware we were in an ugly place and maybe with some space we might come back to the place that was good for us again. Maybe bump into each other one day, strike up a conversation, find there might still be a small amount of love left. Enough to water and grow again.

“I know,” he sighs. “I know. I hate that I hurt you like that. I regret…I actually don’t really hang out with that group of friends as much anymore. I sorta have myself to blame but I didn’t like who I was with them.”

I listen, letting him speak. It hurt too, knowing this was the Grayson I had fallen in love with. Kind and supportive, and now apparently he’s learned to communicate. Maybe that was a Lily thing.

“I guess,” he blows the air out of his cheeks. “I want to say I’m really truly sorry. I missed you a lot after you left. Nothing was the same and life was fucking hard. I wish things didn’t end the way they did and I stayed mature but I was just jealous and angry.”

I nod to acknowledge what he’s saying and watch him take a breath to continue.

“And I always appreciated how you never let us shake your relationship with my sister because she bloody loves you—I don’t think how mum treated you was right today but I never really understood her in the first place. I’m sorry about that.”

“Yeah,” is all I can manage without making it obvious how emotional this was all making me. How one year could make me feel like a completely different person. How this man I loved, and still love in some way, could stand in front of me talking about us as something in the past. Because we were. Long past.

My phone dings with a notification that my ride would be here. We glance down and out into the street.

“Anyway,” he swallows. “I just wanna apologize. And say I genuinely hope you find love y/n. Love that’s as fierce and loyal as you are. I hope you can forgive me one day. And I hope you’re successful as hell in whatever you pour yourself into.”

“Thank you Gray,” I want to say I was sorry too. For what it was worth. But my car pulls to the curb.

I wave at the driver to let them know I’d ordered it and we walk the few feet to the back door.

I face Gray and open my mouth to say it. Say something more: how I appreciated his words, how I was sorry for how things ended too, how I hope he is happy. But nothing comes out of my mouth. I just stare at him, my eyes welling with tears instead.

Gray holds out his hand and I look down at it. I knew those hands well and it’s like walking into a place you used to frequent in the past and have memories rush towards you as you remember: those hands held me and wrapped around my own and comforted me, they made me food and stroked my hair, and carried my bags when they got too heavy. They once wore an engagement band I gifted, they once held a small box with a life-changing question I had said yes to.

Now it was just a hand.

I clasp it and he squeezes.

“I know,” he says, his eyes trained on my watery ones. He squeezes again and lets go.

I rush into the car, those two words nearly cracking me in half. I wave goodbye through the tinted window and feel a wave of despair that pulls me down into the depths of darkness.

Too much was happening at once.

My emotions spiral out of me and I feel alone in this foreign country; I needed comfort where none could be found.

I don’t mean to. Or maybe I do. But on the train back to London I text Harry: is it too early to cash in on the drink?

His response is immediate: no, I was waiting for this text last night

I smile, despite myself.

Can I come over? I text with shaking hands.

H: For drinks?

Y: For drinks

H: Ofc.

***

The taxi drops me in front of the familiar building. I feel an echo of anxiety pierce through me as I go through the familiar doors. I nod at the concierge, the night replacement was new and I’m grateful nobody can recognize me making this potentially stupid decision.

For a brief second I wonder if Harry had other plans tonight but decide not to overthink it. He’d invited me openly. And maybe I was making a decision based on sadness and loneliness and grief and needing to be wanted but I make it. And I would make it like a grown woman—ready to accept the consequences.

I didn’t want to go back to my lonely hotel room. I didn’t want to call anyone and talk about what just happened. I didn’t have words. My body was taking the beating, feeling everything under the sun and now bruised and battered for it. I just wanted my body to forget that. And there was only one person in this godforsaken city that could help.

I’m let up to the penthouse and I forgot it had a distinct smell, wood-like and something indescribable. Weird that it felt comforting.

“You made it,” Harry comes into view in a simple pair of shorts and a long-sleeved white tee pushed up to his elbows. It’s the sleeves that really do it.

“I did.”

I leave my bags beside the elevator next to the umbrella stand, keeping my eyes on him. He doesn’t take his off mine either. I’m glad he doesn’t. Now I know he knows we both said drinks but meant something more.

He reaches out for me before I even get to him, and I know I would think about that later. A lot. But right then in the middle of his entryway I wrap my arms around his neck and lean up on my toes to reach him too.

His lips are soft against mine and he tucks me into him, his hand splayed out on my lower back. It feels like a return to a lover, someone who knows you, like I would’ve thought seeing Gray again would feel. But it’s just Harry, and the thought of baseless familiarity freaks me out a little.

The next time I feel his lips they’re on my jaw and neck and down to the base of my throat. He murmurs my name as he makes his way down and my body reacts immediately. He takes me by the waist and backs me up against the nearest wall, and I have a feeling I might fall.

I had made the conscious decision to walk into the devil’s lair because it was the only place I could get what I needed.

My fingers dig into his shoulders. My body wants this. Every part of me wants to pull him close and hold him and never let go. I wanted all of it tonight.

But I am so tired.

I put a hand on his chest and press gently. I can feel the warmth of his skin, the firmness of his muscles and the beat of his heart as he pauses.

“Sorry, I should have started with a hello. That was too fast was it?” He whispers, looking me straight in the eyes.

I have a million answers, but nothing comes. He puts his hand over mine and I feel it as a shiver runs up my spine.

"Is this too fast?" he asks again, and I hear the worry in his voice.

I shake my head.

He gives a breathy laugh, "Then tell me."

"I think I-“

“Don’t,” he covers my mouth with a laugh. “Please please. Don’t think.”

I smile under his palm and he drops his hand, I can tell he’s proud of lightening the moment by the sheen in his eyes. The moment is tender in a way that takes me back.

He brushes back my hair and kisses my forehead. I close my eyes, breathing in his cologne.

“That’s not where I want to be kissed,” I tell him.

“Then where?” He plays along.

“Anywhere but there.”

He kisses my nose. “There?”

“Not there,” I open my eyes to look up at him. “I’ll have you know that was very snotty just an hour ago.”

He groans, “you really have a way of taking the desire out of a situation.”

But his brows furrow and he watches me even closer.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I respond to his unasked question.

With that statement he takes a painful step back and I nearly slide down the wall without his support.

“What?” I ask.

“We should take that drink first.”

I feel the loss of his body pressed against mine, I realize miserably.

“What do you mean? I thought the drinks were just an excuse?” I ask.

He laughs a little, “Maybe tonight, but I really did want to have a drink with you. And talk.”

“Harry,” I groan. “I’m all out of talking tonight. Truly.”

“As much as I want to say forget talking and take you to bed I need to do this…just follow me,” he leads me and my flushed body through to the main living area which I was well familiar with but it’d gotten a facelift. I make commentary on the changes and he tells me more about it as he pulls a wine he wants out for us.

“I changed things around a little after you left,” he says as he hands me the wine glass. “I needed it. The change.”

“Oh.” Is all I can muster. I follow him to the sofa, tonight he doesn’t leave as much space between us but it still feels like a weird parallel to the night I landed in the hospital; a confrontation with Gray leading me to wine with Harry. “Look Harry I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Why not?”

“I…I’m at minimal capacity right now I just-“

“Just let me talk then.”

“Why does everyone want to talk!”

“I need to tell you what I should have said a long time ago and I want to apologize-“

“You already did-“

“Properly.”

I cross my arms and sigh.

“Y/n bloody hell I forgot how quickly you can get under my skin.”

“So this isn’t a great thing then.”

“Y/N,” he says my name like a warning and I want to comply. I roll my eyes and knock back my glass of wine, the buzz from the glass at dinner has long since worn away.

“Part of me wants to top you up but another part remembers what happened last time.” Harry eyes me.

“No I’m okay with just one glass. Drinking when I’m upset doesn’t end well.”

“Yeah…I don’t want you concussed on my watch again.”

“No we don’t want that,” we smile at each other, a soft and sentimental smile that gets the anxious stuttering of my heart to calm down a little. He just wanted to talk, so what?

But the anxious voice runs through the scenarios he might want to—his recent text, or something I did as his PA he wants to take up now. Gah.

“I really have missed having you around,” he says softly.

“Didn’t feel like you would with how you treated me.” I raise my brow.

“I know.” He pauses then mumbles something before talking to me directly. “You must have heard about the PA before you? Maybe from Riley?”

“Kind of.”

“Kind of?”

“Hmmm this feels like a trick question.” I say but he tells me he just wants to know what I knew. So I rip the bandaid off. “You had a fling with her.”

He hangs his head back over the seat of the sofa and sighs. “I knew that piece of…Riley makes me really mad when I think about him sometimes.”

“Does he?” I raise my brow. “I can think of someone else who makes me madder.”

“I know that’s supposed to be me. And I don’t know what to do about that except come clean right now.”

“And why is that?” I ask. “Coming clean? I came here just to get distracted in bed with you. I never thought I’d live to see the day where a guy like you wants to talk instead.”

“Y/N,” he says with such an intense look my way my stomach flips. “Trust me. I want to have you in my bed more than you do. But I told myself if that day ever somehow happened it would be after this.”

I shrug, let him continue. In reality his words make me weak and I can’t speak. Which kind of annoys me—why did he have such a strong pull over me? How did he so easily admit he’s thought about me, about having me in his bed!?

My heart flutters amongst other things.

I remember a brief conversation I had with my mom last year when she asked me why I wasn’t putting myself out there and dating again and I told her I just didn’t have the heart for it. She had said it seems I left my heart in London—my passion and my heart. Sitting here with Harry stirs something inside of me, scares me, and I want to distract that with more wine. But I manage to control myself.

“I was fairly new to the industry when I hired Riley and it was his second proper job or something so we were both a bit young and we ended up being friendlier than we should have.” Harry starts. “But he was great at his job and never gave me any issues. I stayed naïve that people in this industry would look out for my best interest-“

“That’s really naïve,” I can’t help but comment but he throws me a look and I zip my lips. “Sorry.”

“I was lucky that the first few relationships I built as I got my foot in the door were genuine but I realized too late that it wasn’t a norm. Everyone wanted a piece of me and they all wanted me to be someone else. Some angle. Shit hit the fan pretty quickly. So when I needed more help I decided to create a new role for Riley and hire a PA. She was seasoned and came highly recommended.”

I nod along to his story.

“Long story short, she started out good but she kept trying to get me alone and get me talking. And back then after being friends with my old PA I didn’t have the wisdom of setting boundaries—don’t give me that look.”

“What!” I raise my hands. “I’m just listening.”

“You’re judging me.”

“Just continue,” I encourage. I was judging a little.

“Anyway, where I thought we were just friendly she thought I—I dunno I was falling for her or something. And one night she was working late so she had dinner here. She kept refilling my drink I didn’t realize she wasn’t drinking as much. It’s not much of an excuse but by the time she came onto me I was pissed and it didn’t take much.”

He continues the story like it was nothing but his voice catches a little and he doesn’t look me in the eye. My insides grow colder. I want to reach inside of him and hold the old Harry, the naive one who didn’t know better.

“Please don’t feel bad for me,” he cuts my sympathy short. “I didn’t turn into a great person after that. Especially with how I treated you.”

“That’s right.” I pretend to be unaffected by his story like he wanted me to be. But it’s near impossible.

“So that’s how I decided it was best for me to play the asshole. I couldn’t fire her after that—it would look awful and she could report me and screw me over. But I could make working for me a nightmare and so I did. A few months later she quit.”

He sighs and takes a swig of his wine, “Then you came along and I thought ‘I should play the asshole from the get go.’ I had gotten good by then at compartmentalizing my personality in the industry.”

“Hmph,” I raise a brow. He has the decency to look embarrassed but he continues.

“But the more time we spent together the worse I felt. You were nothing like the previous PA. You were genuine and down-to-earth. Pretty fiery but I wouldn’t find that out until later,” he grins. I roll my eyes. “I tried to ease up a little but things kept happening to push me back into the asshole box.”

“But you were so snappy, and a dick.”

“I know. I didn’t know how to tell you you worked too hard without dropping the asshole act and making you feel even shittier.”

“What do you mean?”

“I had to be the villain in your story-“

“What?” What was he talking about?

“Yeah like, you were working all the time even though there were some times I told you to wrap it up for the day.”

I remembered that, thinking he was kicking me out.

“But you took the job so seriously. I appreciated everything you did but you were dogged at making sure you did the best at any cost.”

“What do you mean? At any cost?” I ask, a cold sensation running down my back.

“For example take that one time a few months in when I asked you to call me because you forgot to order wine. You bloody came all the way back to hand deliver it-“

“Yeah because you said to call you and you were gonna be pissed if I-“

“No, y/n,” he lays a hand between us. “I just wanted you to call to know where you usually ordered from so I could order that for myself. You weren’t in any trouble! But I could only blame myself for playing the hard asshole too well.”

I think about that night, Josie’s birthday party. How I left early and upset Gray. How I didn’t need to but I had been following the Dos and Dont’s list.

Shit, the lists. They were added onto by the last PA who, now I know, was having her life made into hell just so she would quit. Some of those lists were on an extreme I didn’t even have to follow. Fuck. That was on me.

My face must be a painting of regret because Harry apologizes again.

“I’m sorry but I didn’t want you to…I just felt like I had to play the villain so you could do what you had to do. So you could continue hating me and we could establish the clear boundary.”

“Right.” I have a bitter taste in my mouth.

“But I genuinely liked you, I thought you were funny and sensitive-“

“You don’t like my sensitivity.”

“I do. I just hated how angry you were-“

“Because of you.”

“I know. I created a monster, I’m Frankenstein.”

“Damn straight.” I agree and we pause a beat before laughing.

“Anyway,” he continues. “You were funny and sensitive and resilient, passionate and smart, and you cared so deeply. It was rare meeting people like you in this field. I wanted to wrap you in bubble wrap but I think I shattered you instead. I’m sorry for the way I just let my past colour your time here. I feel like you left because of me-“

“It was really a lot of reasons.”

“I know but I was part of that and I felt no good. After you left I was a miserable son of a bitch for a while. I couldn’t even enjoy my holiday because I kept thinking of you. I was miserable so I barely even said goodbye—I didn’t realize you were going to run away so far. But I also didn’t want to say goodbye because I was scared I would convince you to stay by spilling my truth.”

His words sit on my chest and they slowly sink down to my stomach. I don’t know what it meant, what he wanted me to do with this confession. It’s too much.

“Mostly,” he continues, shifting closer to me on the sofa. He lowers his voice, “Mostly I’m sorry about Barcelona.”

I flush at the mention of it. At the heat and passion from that night. His eyes roam my face.

“I’m not that guy. I should have treated you nicer, should have been the one to keep my patience.”

“I didn’t make it easy,” I admit.

“No,” he chuckles. “You really fucking did not.”

We smile.

“But you’re so much more than anger y/n. I could barely sleep that night, I kept regretting giving into the anger and not being slow and soft with you the way you deserve. I regret it all the time.”

His confession pulls the veil off my eyes and I see a sharper image of my past. Of everything. It all comes at once and I can’t sort through it in the moment but I know what I want to do.

I shuffle over until I’m up against Harry, I hold his face in mine and he cups my face in his hand.

“You drove me crazy,” I tell him. “Made my life hell.”

“I know. But you drove me crazy too. Nobody got under my skin like you did.”

“Same.”

His hand snakes down to my thigh and he nudges it over his lap so that I’m straddling his body. I feel vulnerable and scared—not the first time these emotions have coursed through me in this very room. But today I don’t feel powerless.

His lips are soft against my cheek, my jaw, down my neck. Unlike the first time he’s slow and deliberate like someone who’s waited so long to unwrap a cherished gift and can’t stand ripping even the gift wrap. He pushes my hair out of the way and trails his fingertips down the back of my neck.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers in my ear. The more he talked the more nervous he was making me. I turn my head to capture his lips, run my fingers through his hair which is too short to really grasp. I missed his old hair.

We break apart for a breath and I can feel the tension. The desire to have him near clashing with the need to go slow. To savour this. Somehow we both feel it.

“We don’t have to do anything tonight,” Harry promises me, his finger trailing down my arm. “Just having you here is enough.”

Oh god. How did he know just the things to say. This man was way too suave. He really was the devil.

But I needed him. It’s scary to admit but I did. I wanted to be here, I really did. I needed to be in this moment with him. Fulfill some shut-out desire that had grown dusty in the corner of my heart.

“I want to do this.”

With a gentle kiss he gets us up and takes my hand. I feel myself being pulled through the living room and towards the bedroom. The sheets are cool, but not cold and when he crawls in beside me I forget that I had ever been anywhere else.

He’s attentive and deliberate and I’m buzzing with anticipation. I decide to pick up the pace, propping myself up to take off my blouse. I watch his throat bob up and down like he’s never seen me like this before even though he has. It’s endearing.

The way his hands fit in the curve of my waist makes it harder to breathe. He moves his hands up my torso and to the straps of my bra. He pauses, as if asking permission, and when I nod, he kisses me. He unhooks it and slowly slides it off my shoulders, eyes fixed on mine.

The intensity of his gaze is overwhelming.

I pull him close to kiss him again, and he pulls me under him so I can feel the full weight of him against me. This is what I needed. To be physically present and not stuck in the after tremors of the earthquakes of my past. Not that he wasn’t part of my past but this is different. A non-verbal agreement to just be present. I knew his ways with women, it could be a one-night thing and that’s what I needed.

But that’s why the moments of tenderness and adoration nearly take my breath away. I don’t know where to put these things.

He kisses down my shoulder while his hand trails down to my trousers. He hooks his finger into the belt loop and tugs gently, looking up at me for consent.

I nod.

He slowly takes them off, and when his fingers brush against my bare legs, my breath hitches.

It happens again when he presses his lips against my hip bone.

He stops for a moment, and I can almost see the cogs in his brain whirring.

He moves up to press his forehead against mine.

"I don't know how to do this right," he says quietly, and his eyes search mine.

“What do you mean?”

“This is always how I should have treated you,” he whispers. “I want you to know-“

“Harry,” I smooth out the lines on his forehead.

"No," he grabs my hand and kisses it. "I don't want you to feel like I don't care because I do. I don’t want to hurt you. I'm not good at saying these things. But I want you to know how much I value you. That I like you as a person. I respect you. I want you to be okay.”

“I-“ who was this Harry, seriously!? “I get it. I’m okay. I am.”

He smiles at me tentatively and my heart does a somersault.

I grab the back of his neck and pull him down, pressing my lips against his. I could taste the sweetness of the words he had said.

I tug at his shirt and it flies into the darkness of his bedroom. His skin is heated against mine.

It feels like an eternity before he finally reaches the band of my panties, and my heart thumps wildly.

"May I?" he looks up.

"Please," I whisper.

For the first time since I’ve met him he doesn’t make it about himself or what he needs. It’s almost intimidating how intense he is as he looks after me and it’s hard to reconcile this man with the man in my head. We’re of one mind and it’s like he knows everything I’ve been through in the last 24 hours; he just attends to my every need reminding me that I was here, right here, in his arms and in this body.

And it doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Are you staying the night?” He asks later with a final kiss to my shoulder.

“If that’s alright?” I ask. I didn’t want to be alone in a cold hotel room.

“I’d love nothing more.” He says earnestly.

Love. I brush the word away.

He warns me that he was a slug if I stayed and he’s not exaggerating, with his arm draped over me and tucked up against him he’s like a child with a plush. He falls asleep just as quickly.

I should too but can’t. I feel so intensely about this body laying beside me, I want to crawl inside of him, understand him, understand us and how this worked.

Or maybe I wanted to just understand me, and why I felt a piece of myself sliding back into place tonight. I had to be the most fucked up person in this city.

Instead of sleeping I lay awake thinking about everything and I can’t help it. I go over this morning—god it felt like weeks ago. Josie’s graduation. Josie. Gray. Even Michelle.

I feel slightly paralyzed by everything that transpired today—it truly felt like peering through a glass window into a life I used to have. I try to break open the glass, sort it all out.

On one side is me and everything I’ve done this whole year to move on from the crumbs of my life here in London. I don’t know why but I really did think that coming back I would be 100% untouchable by my past. I was an idiot for thinking that because I was bothered that Gray seemed to have a steady girlfriend. Why did I think anything would rekindle between us?

I dig deeper, did I even want that to happen? Or did I just want to prove to myself that I was the one Gray let get away because I was too scared to face the possibility that I was the one who let Gray get away.

But clearly something didn’t work with us, I think bitterly. A few months with his new girl and he found the balls to open up with me and communicate his grievances and his apologies.

Love that’s as fierce and loyal as you are, he had said. Was I too much for Gray? Is that why we were made to burn out? It hurt too that he had damaged all my relationships I made in my life here in London only to cut those same people out of his life immediately after I left. The more I think about it the angrier I feel.

And his mom, I still feel bruised by her acting like she didn’t even know me. It stokes the anger higher. Her own son has called her crazy on multiple occasions, I was always nothing but kind to her. Gray was the one who put the final nail in our coffin yet the woman who called me her daughter and claimed to love me had been cruel. Even in the face of getting along for Josie’s sake she had put her petty feelings in the forefront.

These people made me so angry.

How did I ever think I could rekindle anything with Gray? As much as I was to blame, I realize, Gray couldn’t even be kind in the end. Just because the year apart was good to him didn’t mean he would still be good for me.

I think about the man laying beside me, in a hypothetical situation if things got ugly I instinctively want to say he would be cruel too. But I have to push past the persona he claimed to have put up and think about the glimpses of the man I saw underneath. Something tells me he would be just as fiery in letting me know how he was feeling. But with his recent apologies I’m not as convinced he would go out of his way to hurt me again.

Even in the bar last night, I just assumed he called me Mrs. Duran to be cruel but he hadn’t known. Or when I had assumed at Josie’s birthday party I would be fired for forgetting wine because he was an asshole when really he just acted like one so I wouldn’t feel worse.

How many times had I judged people because of how skewed my own lens was? It’s a sobering reminder.

Josie’s face flashes through my mind and I tear up at knowing we were going to cut each other out. No matter how much we loved each other staying in touch at this rate was no longer sustainable. For her best interest.

I think of my younger brother back home, my older sister, our family of 5. When I went back home there was so much to catch up on and eventually, apologize for. I had missed out on so much of my family’s life because I believed I needed to leave to grow. Well, life sure handed me a lot of lessons but I needed to go back home to plant them and let me grow.

Harry stirs beside me, nuzzling my neck in his sleep. I feel myself go teary eyed for no reason.

I wondered if this was just a one-night thing. If we would see each other again while I was in London. Did I want to see him? My heart sings yes immediately.

Damn.

What was it about him that pushed my emotions to the highest highs and lowest lows. How did he know every button to push and every bruise to kiss. This had to be toxic, we couldn’t just take our great big baggage of a past and see each other casually while I was in London. It couldn’t be that easy.

What if it was, hope whispers. I squirm. Could I forgive Harry for everything he’d done?

“Y’sleeping?” Harry mumbles to my left. Shit.

“Yeah,” I say which invokes a throaty chuckle from him. I check the time, it was nearly 4. Double shit.

“Liar,” he tugs on my hips and I turn to face him. “Talk to me.”

I couldn’t. Half of my thought were about him. And how could I tell him I was thinking about my ex after spending the night with him. So I just shake my head.

“Please?” He brushes my cheek with his thumb. “You need to sleep.”

“I-“ I try to say I can’t but the words get stuck in my throat. The emotions of everything I’d been thinking in the last couple hours threaten to dislodge the words from my throat so I close my mouth. But it doesn’t work.

A sob bursts out of me and before I can reel it all in the floodgates swing open and it carries all the pent-up sorrow and confusion, grief and anguish I had bottled up.

Harry freezes for a moment, probably very confused to wake up and have me reacting this way. But he recovers and pulls me into his warm chest.

“What is going on in that head of yours love,” Harry murmurs. Love. I sob even harder.

He murmurs reassuring words whilst stroking my back and I cry an embarrassing amount in the same bed where just hours ago I was blissed beyond comprehension. Life moves fast.

Finally when I gain enough composure I lean away, covering my face because crying into him was one thing but seeing my ugly cry face was another.

“Here,” I feel his body move and then tissues pressed into my hand. I’m grateful for them but I wasn’t going to blow my nose here. I sit up and try to dry my nose. His hand reaches out and the tips of his fingers rest on my spine like he was tethering my lost body to him. Somehow even that is reassuring.

“Don’t go trying to kiss my nose this early on again,” I try to joke through a stuffy voice.

“I wouldn’t dare,” he tugs my arm a little and I fall back beside him. He holds me in both his arms and I watch in horror and affection as he kisses the tip of my nose.

“Stop being so nice,” I laugh and cry a little too.

“You’re actually complaining about me being nice?”

“No I just—I’m not used to it,” I press the tissue to my eyes again.

“Well get used to it,” he peels the hair off of my face and pushes it back. “I don’t want to be the one hurting you. I swear to never ever be the reason you cry like this to anyone.”

“Don’t say those sorts of things if you don’t mean it.”

“I do,” he caresses my face. “You’re breaking my heart y/n, I don’t know who hurt you but I never want to see you like this. Especially not because of me alright? I’m sorry if I ever-“

“Stop,” I put my hand to his mouth. Which is kind of gross since I just blew my nose but I’m pretty sure him kissing my snotty nose means he didn’t care.

“But-“ he says behind my hand.

“I’m embarrassed right now,” I admit.

“You have seen me in every compromising situation,” Harry says. “And we have been through too much together to be embarrassed right now.”

“Fine,” I sigh. “It is tiring.”

“Maybe you can finally sleep now that it’s…almost 5?”

“Sorry,” I sigh. “I hope you don’t have something early?”

“Nope,” he kisses the top of my head. “And even if I did it wouldn’t matter.”

So we both try to go back to bed and I manage to fall asleep, all of those tiring racing thoughts washed away by a good cry. I feel warm and cared for and vulnerable and protected. A stark change from how Harry has made me feel before. Maybe this was temporary or maybe this was the start of something new. I’m just taking it minute by minute while all I can think is Do I or Don’t I?

***

It’s my final week in London and if you’d asked me a couple weeks ago if I was looking forward to going back home I would have said without hesitation yes.

But that night at Harry’s and putting my past to rest brushes away an old and tired film I had been viewing the city with since I landed.

We had seen each other a couple times a week since—I’ve been cautious despite my body saying otherwise. There were many days I had been free but I had made up some excuse not to see him, I was scared of getting too attached and having to leave.

But I can’t deny how nice it was to be with Harry without any labels. Most of the time I went over to his, it was tricky going out somewhere too public and risking getting papped. Together we just talk about life and work, my life back in America and my relationship with my family, his life growing up and his relationship with stardom. We watch movies and listen to music and make jokes and I open up a little about what had been weighing on my mind that night.

Winnie teases me that I was lighter than she’s ever seen me, that London looked good on me. I tell her she’s crazy. But even Oretta admits it when Winnie brings it up to her.

Harry makes the effort to make up for how he acted until it’s not just words. I believe what he was saying. And I admit to my faults too.

We still get under each other’s skin.

The thing we argue about the most is an opportunity Harry tries to get me to sign off on. The link he texted me when I was in Cambridge was an upcoming single one of his friends was releasing and he wanted to get me to bid on executing a music video for it. I tell him he was nuts and that I had no experience, plus I had a job. But he persists. He thinks I should explore putting my creative skills to use and not just my organizational skills. The arguing continues.

I have a date with him tonight, at the same bar we bumped into each other that first night. I have a question I’d been meaning to ask him.

“You aren’t actually a regular here are you?” I ask when we’ve settled.

“Of course I am,” he says but I know he’s lying. I raise my brow and he looks everywhere but at me. “Fine. I’m not.”

“So how the hell did you end up here that night?”

“Coincidence.”

“Liar.”

“I’m an honest man.”

“Truth please?”

“You’re embarrassing me here let’s move on.”

“Nuh-uh,” I’m enjoying his bright cheeks and darting eyes. “Did you stalk me or something?”

“I…I knew this was a local spot for you. Or was.”

“Really? How?”

“You mentioned it a few times? And I dropped you off here once after work.”

He might’ve. I’d met many friends and especially Gray here. I motion for him to continue.

“I might’ve known you were in town, might’ve found out you were here and…”

“So you did stalk me,” I gasp. “Oh my god ladies and gents he is obsessed.”

“That’s a strong word.” He argues.

“You. Stalked. Me.”

“Oh fine, I’ll confess: I’m used to the stalkers and I thought it was high time I did some stalking and see what the fun was all about,” he joins in on making fun of himself.

“Someone get me a restraining order,” I say just as someone approaches our table with drinks. As soon as they leave we burst out laughing.

“So have you given the music video any more thought?” Harry asks as the evening continues.

“Can we not talk about this right now?” I ask.

“I just think you should give it serious thought. I know you want to go into PR, be somebody’s Graham, but you have a really good eye for this thing. Before you pursue what you think you want, try this out.”

“You’re one dude,” I say again. “Who believes I can do this. You want me to throw away the career I’ve worked on for years to dabble in this and potentially waste time instead of getting to where I want?”

“Firstly, if you love doing something it’s not time wasted. And secondly you only ever need just one person to believe in you, angel.”

His fingers brush mine on the table, the familiar electricity courses through me just through the small touch. And of course, his use of pet names always turned me to putty. I hated how malleable he made me.

“Consider it. Just write a proposal y/n, it’s not betraying Oretta or anything. I can talk to her if you want if they choose your idea.”

It was scary putting myself out there for something I didn’t believe in myself for. But my echoes of burnout grow towards the idea of doing something less demanding than being an assistant just like a sunflower to the sun. It basks in letting my creativity flow.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Not for too long,” he taps my fingers again. We were cautious about being too touchy in public, even in a place like this where people genuinely didn’t care who he was. “Proposal’s due at the end of next week.”

When I would be back home in America. Away from here. Him.

We hadn’t talked about it, if we would try to keep in touch. I can’t really imagine a long-distance thing with Harry. Not at this stage. Mostly we enjoyed being in each other’s company and I was scared forcing labels just because we would be apart would ruin this fragile thing.

“Fine.” He’d worn me down and I submit. “Fine I’ll get something in for you.”

He pulls back with a shocked expression. “Did I just convince the stubborn y/n y/l/n to do something she didn’t want to do?”

I scowl. “Don’t get used to it.”

“I won’t,” he laughs, waving his hands around him like he was fanning in an aroma. “I’m soaking this in though.”

“Whatever,” I say with a smile.

“You make me work hard,” he smiles back. “For everything y/n. That’s one of the things I l-I-that I really like about you.”

We ignore the near slip of something far too serious for what we had going. We move past it but it sets my heart racing.

“So this friend of yours,” I change the subject. “With the music video. Didn’t you guys have like, beef when you were on tour? All that article stuff?”

“You of all people should know not to believe what you see online. It was all manipulated and put out of context.”

“I know but you were all moody for all your shows afterwards. I remember Jeff and Graham complaining. I assumed the articles had worn you down a bit.”

He raises a brow like he’s waiting on me to figure something out.

“What?”

“Really? You think it was the artcles?”

“Well what else happened that-“

Oh god. Was I that stupid?

Of course it wasn’t the articles, it was me! Us.

A smile stretches over the contours of his face as realization dawns on mine, “Twice in a row I’ve got you today, I should buy a lottery ticket.”

“I’m off my game today is all, don’t get used to it.”

I can’t believe it. Not that I didn’t believe Harry after the last few weeks but I—that night—really meant that much to him that his feelings over it had affected the rest of his tour? I had affected his tour?

“Why didn’t you say anything if it was weighing on you so much? If I recall I tried to talk to you a couple times.” I ask.

“What could I say,” he snorts. “You were engaged and my loss of control was why you cheated. Then you were quitting and I knew if I said anything you might have stayed. I didn’t want to keep you where you didn’t want to be.”

His words tug at my heart. He really had thought up a storm.

“Harry,” I lean back. “Gray and I broke up before I joined you guys on tour again. We weren’t cheating.”

His forehead creases, “What?! But you were together at my London show. I thought you two broke up after you moved back home?”

“No,” I guess in the last few weeks I’d just mentioned we broke up a long time ago. He didn’t know any specifics. “We were fake-together because he hadn’t broken the news to his sister then. But that’s why I was all…y’know in Barcelona-“

“Fuck me,” he groans. “No wonder you thought I was an ass for pulling you away-“

“Well you were-“

“Yeah alright-“

“Why did you really pull me away though?”

“I…I was feeling a bit possessive.”

“What?”

I wasn’t expecting that to come out of his mouth. He smiles sheepishly, “I thought we already came to terms with that.”

My stomach does a few somersaults. Until tonight I don’t think I’ve really focused on the magnitude of how Harry felt back then. Parts of my mind were still remembering him as a prick just because it was easier to remember my side of things. But this spins things in a brighter light.

“I was just your assistant though.”

“Y/N,” he tilts his head to the side. “Did I not already tell you what I thought about you that night in my flat?”

“Yeah but-“

“I’d never met anyone like you, I really liked you. I couldn’t have you though and I had to push you away constantly. And that drove me a bit crazy sometimes.”

I let out a noisy breath, wondering if how he felt about me was just as intense now as it was then. A part of me knows it must be. Feelings like that didn’t fade. But here I was, barely knowing what it was I felt for him. All I knew was that it was nice when we were together.

Why me, I want to ask. But I hold back. It wasn’t a question I could ask my ex-employer current-lover part-time-asshole.

“Sorry,” he apologizes. “Was that a bit strong?”

“No,” I sigh again and he laughs. “Fine. A little. But it’s fine, I’m okay.”

“Okay,” he believes me. “So you broke off your engagement and didn’t tell anyone?”

“Kinda, we weren’t in a place we could come back from. We decided that mutually after things blew up. He didn’t even know I was leaving the country actually.”

Harry whistles. “You ran out on all of us.”

I scratch the side of my head, “Maybe?”

“Well I’ve enjoyed having you again, here.” He says with sincerity. “I’m really relieved to be able to get to say everything I wanted to your face.”

I agree. Neither of us mention I was leaving later in the week.

Even by the night before I’m leaving London we still hadn’t discussed a thing. But there’s a heaviness to us as we have dinner at his, as we pretend to watch a movie only to cuddle on the couch. We lay there facing each other and I trace his eyes, his nose, his wonderful mouth. It’s so odd to me that this was the same Harry Styles performing in sold out venues and on the walls of teenage bedrooms. That I got to have him in these quiet moments and be present.

I feel so grateful for this. That I didn’t have to carry around these draining stories within me anymore, that it felt like it happened to someone else. In a way even if nothing came from all this, I got closure. I was able to move on now.

I imagine my heart and it feels like when you take a stroll mid-March and realize nature was healing from winter’s blues. Warm and blooming the earth was growing again—my heart was growing stronger. Now the idea of a date or a partner didn’t seem so daunting and exhausting. I would never have guessed that it would take the man who almost broke me to come into my life again for me to see how to fit those pieces back in place again.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do not having you in town anymore,” his lashes flutter as I run my hand through his hair. It was still shorter than I was used to but it had grown in the last three weeks.

“Oh you’ll be fine,” I say. “I’ve worked on your schedule before: meetings and studio sessions and photoshoots and interviews.”

“A busy life isn’t always a full one,” he whispers. And it’s the closest thing to a confession we were going to get to. I cover his mouth with mine and we indulge in each other one final time.

There is a symphony of unexpected but undeniable intimacy woven between the beats of our entwined hearts. I know I would probably never feel this way with anyone and I don’t think I’d want to. Being with Harry was passion. It was losing myself and finding myself at the same time. It was being vulnerable and guarded and cherished and known.

My flight out tomorrow is around noon but I can’t stay the night as I’d have to help Oretta in the morning to make sure everything gets to the airport in time. Harry walks me down to his lobby and we stand there for a few, just holding each other tight. He doesn’t ask me to stay and I don’t ask him to come.

“This isn’t goodbye y/n,” Harry says when we part. His hand rests on his heart. I know the feeling, mine aches so hard I want to press my hand to it just to tell it everything would be fine.

“No,” I shake my head. My eyes had been teary ever since he squeezed me to him. “We’ll talk soon.”

“You’ll be directing music videos soon.”

I roll my eyes, “I’m still working on the proposal.”

“I have a good feeling about it.”

“That makes one of us. But…thanks for believing in me.”

“Thanks for believing in me,” he whispers. “Even when you didn’t have to.”

I’m glad I did. The only time in my life not paying attention to the warning bells had paid off.

“I’ve been working with this new producer and he wants me to come out to a studio in Cotati?” Harry mentions. “How far is that from where you are? Are you still in m Burbank?”

“Burbank’s where my parents are,” I shake my head. I look up what he’s talking about and feel a thrill when it’s less than a couple hours. Still, I try to maintain neutrality. “A little over an hour?”

“Well,” he brushes my hair over my shoulder and keeps his eyes looking just over it. “Depending on what you’re doing—maybe if you’re free…we can see each other again?”

I would love that. My heart is bursting just thinking of getting to have him in the place I called home. Of this meaning something. Of him wanting to see me again.

“Of course if you have a boyfriend by then and he doesn’t want you to see me that’s…I mean, live your life and if it works out we-“

“Yes,” I cut him off. “Yeah. Let’s see but that sounds good.”

He meets my gaze and I laugh a little, he was nervous and that was rare.

“Good,” he smiles with. “Until next time.”

“Until next time,” I step into his arms and it’s a quick affair before he steps away. I turn to head out the door, shielding my eyes from him. Not wanting him to see that this was stupidly hard to say goodbye.

He waves me off and I head back to my hotel with a heavy heart. But I think about him asking to see me again. Who knows when that would be. And I know this wasn’t the end of our story.

***

I’m happy to land in SFO the following evening, happy to busy myself with Oretta’s business, happy to have Winnie chattering away. I spent parts of the flight I wasn’t sleeping working on my MV proposal and it awakens a familiar passion inside of me I’d been afraid I’d lost.

I send out a silent thanks to Harry for knowing what was good for me.

I think of Harry often, Gray even less until I don’t think of him at all. I dream of London weekly; I missed it this time around. And as life resumes again I anticipate the change I sense on the horizon.

So when life gives me lemons I stop asking Do I or Don’t I. If one thing the last year has taught me was I had to listen to my gut and look at the signs. I had to start asking what I wanted and go after it. Even though Harry and I barely talk, I remember the lessons he’s taught me.

I stop looking to others to make decisions. There’s no guidebook or lists to help me make my decisions either. I take deep breaths and I believe in myself.

I build a new life on the remains of my old. I don’t let it dictate what I did anymore, I simply leave it as the foundation to elevate me even higher. I reach for the sky with my feet planted firmly on the ground. And I grow with reckless abandon.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TAGLIST: @boomitsallie1 @indierockgirrl @ndunad @jerseygirlinca @sunshinemoonsposts @ninasw0rld @love-letters-to-uranus @mayamonroem @sassamanda77 @harryspirate

🤍

115 notes · View notes

kissitbttr · 2 years

Text

eddie and mean!cheerleader have their first fight pt.2

read part 1

a/n: definitely no interactions between the two. just more of their perspectives and thoughts on what’s going on (but mostly from eddie)

he’s losing his mind.

days without her just feels against the law but he knows he has no one to blame but himself.

for almost two weeks since they had that fight at the field, not even a phone call or a glance were exchanged. avoiding each other at school and out. he can’t sleep nor think knowing that he’s hurt the only girl he has ever cared for. even cried himself to sleep to the thought of losing her completely. it just doesn’t sit well with him.

she’s not doing so great either. he’d would spot her from across the room with sunglasses perched on the bridge of her nose—to cover her red eyes and dark circles—messy bun along with a hoodie and a skirt. the colors she chose just look so depressing and it’s like he’s looking at a different person. not to mention, a hoodie? definitely not something she’d wear.

steve and robin had also informed him about her attitude. how she rarely snaps at someone and putting lip gloss during classes. which worries him because it’s one of her favorite things to do! she hasn’t even tried to confront rebecca after all that shenanigans.

he assumes she had been crying and losing her happiness because of him. and the thought just breaks him even more.

“why don’t you try to talk to her or something?” gareth speaks up, realizing that his best friend’s gaze hasn’t completely left hers,

she’s standing by the locker reading something from one of her books next to her best friend. who seems to be talking a lot and y/n can’t seem to find the fucks she could give to listen.

eddie wants nothing more than to walk up from behind and surprise her by giving kisses down her neck until she giggles. telling him to stop though knowing deep down she doesn’t want him to..

“it’s not that simple, man” he scoffs, putting away his lunch box into the locker. “she hates me. she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.”

“how do you know for sure? ever since the two of you had a fight, you never even tried to fix things. it’s not her fault if she shut you out. you hurt her, eddie.”

“gee, thanks for the reminder” he responds sarcastically with an eye roll. walking away from the locker with gareth trailing from behind, but not without shooting her one more glance.

he sighs to himself because how did he even manage to fuck up this bad?

“i know I shouldn’t have said all those things. fuck I didn’t know what i was thinking! i love her more than anything and it pains me to know that she’s hurt because of me.” he knock himself in the head, earning a concerned look from his best friend,

“okay now. don’t do that to yourself like that, eds.” gareth squeezes his shoulder blade. “it’s not the end of the world. just… try, okay? the boys missed having her during our campaigns. and I’m sure you missed her too.”

he does. he really, really does.

“jason’s throwing a party tonight. you coming?” one of the cheerleaders ask, punching her fork down on the depressing salad that looks like it’s not even edible,

y/n grimaces at the food before answering. “what makes you think i care about that?”

“well you know.. i just thought that you need a break or something.. for everything that has been going on.”

she hums, looking at her dead in the eye. “and what makes you think you know exactly what’s going on with my fucking life?”

the girl looks baffled, obviously taken aback by y/n’s tone. she should’ve know not to mess around with her,

“n-nothing! i mean i think-“

“don’t. nuh-uh. don’t think. don’t even try to sympathize with me.” y/n cuts her off, pointing her finger at the girl to shut her up.

the girl mutter a quick ‘sorry’ before going back to her business and chatting away with the other cheerleader. scooting a bit further to avoid her.

y/n feels like she’s going crazy if people kept doing that. it’s not like she’s dying or anything.

maybe on the inside, sure. because without eddie, her life feels so incomplete. call her corny but it’s true. her thoughts are consumed by him and she hates herself for it.

because he hurt her, bad. using her insecurity against her during a fight? a fucking low blow. she could take it if it was someone else who said it, but him? she never expected that to happen.

“babe, you do need that.” y/n’s friend maya pipes in, nudging her side. “maybe she’s right. you need to take your mind off of it for just one night. it doesn’t sound too bad”

y/n looks at her with her brows dipping in. “you’re taking pippi longstocking’s side?”

“bitch, I’m not taking anyone’s side! but i love you! and i hate to see you like this because, navy blue hoodie, really?” she looks down at her outfit. “it’s not you, babe.”

“ugh, can’t people stop commenting on that? i get it alright! but I can’t wear pink or purple if I’m not feeling it.”

“exactly!” maya exclaims, “you know how much i appreciate eddie but girl you have to stop sulking. sorry to say this but it’s quite pathetic to look at you. i cannot stand seeing you like this. come to the party with me, who knows you’ll start to feel like yourself again. even if it’s just for one night.”

“you said that” y/n replies with a cookie in her mouth. “shit this tastes so good! do you think they have it in peanut butter? might need it for protein.”

“y/n focus!” maya scolds, feeling slightly irritated at her best friend’s behavior. “please? you know booze and chips are your favorite”

she groans, throwing her head back. smacking the goey dessert down to her plate. “fine. you had me at chips. but there better be chamoy. or naan. otherwise clock me out.”

maya squeals, clapping her hands in excitement before giving her best friend a kiss on the cheek. to which she looks at her in disgust, wiping the kiss off. shooting her a ‘I’ll kill you if you do that again’ look

“you can count on me, sweetheart!”

y/n tries her best to give a convincing smile. and she wanted to not care so badly about eddie, but every now and then her eyes would wander around the halls and cafeteria. searching for that adorable and expressive boy with brown curls that made her fall in love.

she swears to herself that she wouldn’t let anyone treat her like shit anymore. even eddie advised that to her one night at the party where they first had conversation. so what changed?

was he getting sick of her? did brandon or kenneth came up to him and warn him about the crazy insecure bitch? or maybe he’s finally coming into his senses? that he needs someone who’s calm and collected. someone like chrissy cunningham or alexa berry from algebra.

it’s weird to be having this kind of feeling. she may appears to be tough and confident on the outside but most of the time, it’s solemnly for protection. no one wants to mess with you if you’re a bitch. and the best thing about that is no one will ever know if it’s real or fake.

see, she’s good at pretending and masking her insecurities. hence why she would never tell anyone her deepest secrets.

not being good enough.

and maybe that’s the truth. she’s not good enough for eddie. not good enough for brandon. because if she were then he wouldn’t have cheat on her, right?

good and healthy kind of love seem too far off for her now. maybe she will never be perfect for it.

tonight is supposed to be campaign night with the boys. dustin and the rest of the kids had prepared everything but eddie can’t seem to find the energy to do it, his heart isn’t in the right place at the moment. even if he did play, y/n is going to be on his mind during it. just like any other night.

obviously the boys prefer having their dungeon master there, and they thought about encouraging him to come despite everything that has been going on. however , one glare from eddie was all it takes to make them back away. it’s better to leave him alone.

and since they also would not appreciate the idea of postponing, eddie gave them a permission to do it without him.

he prefers to be alone right now. hiding at the comfort of his own bedroom, blasting on the mixtape y/n had given him while rolling up a joint. who would’ve thought that the jacksons 5 could make him cry like a baby?

“don’t you know… i sit around with my head hanging down and I wonder who’s lovin you…” he’s singing off key, choking on his own words when the last sentence hit,

he hopes no one is loving her like he does. as selfish as it sounds, he wants to be the only person who’s doing it. to treat her like she deserves to be treated, shower her with love and affections like no one has ever done.

but how the hell is he supposed to do that when she doesn’t even want to look at him anymore?

“well, you did it Munson. fucked up the only good thing that life has ever offered. hope you’re proud of yourself” he chuckles humorlessly, unscrewing the cap of his beer bottle before chugging it

his eyes snap towards the clock. it’s almost 1am and he curses to himself, realizing that he has been drowning himself in self pity for almost two hours, drinking and smoking alone.

maybe they’re right. all of those people who said that she’s too good for him were probably right on the money. why would he ever think that their relationship could last? she deserves to be seen with a golden boy. definitely not him.

someone like Jason Carver, Anthony Smith or Brandon.

fucking. Brandon.

as he about to crack open another beer under his bed, the sound of phone ringing from the living room suddenly startle him. he pays no mind to it and let the phone rings until it stops, because who in the right mind could be calling him at this hour? especially since it’s his house number.

no one has ever called his number in a million years. except the new divorcee that lives two trailers away.

“he really needs to stop giving numbers to women, man” eddie mutters, referring to his uncle.

few seconds after the phone dies down, it rings again. eddie screwed his eyes shut feeling slightly irritated that it had the nerve to interrupt his pity party. why can’t he just be left alone,

“alright, alright. jesus” he mutters, rising up to his feet before walking out of his room. taking long strides towards where the phone is, hand clasping around it to answer,

“Munson’s residence, how can i help you?” he holds the phone by the ear. slurring a bit over his words and burping after.

“eddie?”

his eyes widen and body stills when he recognizes who the voice belongs to. finding himself sobering up real quick as the alcohol in his systems slowly washing away.

“y/n-y/n? hi… what’s wrong, is everything okay?” his protective instincts immediately appears, detecting the tone in her voice, he assumes she’s in trouble.

he could hear the loud music over the phone. she’s probably at a party. and he doesn’t miss the sound of his girl screaming at someone to leave her alone if he doesn’t want his balls to get chopped. it almost makes him laugh, but he figures it’s not the time.

“i know I’m supposed to hate you right now but can you come pick me up please? I’m at Jason’s party and fuck, these people are scaring me. i-i think they’re doing…what my dad was doing” she trembles, frowning at the sight of kids swallowing pills and inhaling white powder.

eddie tenses. knowing exactly what she’s talking about. he nods quickly although she can’t see him, heart breaking and the worry grows after hearing how frightened she is. especially when he’s not there to protect her.

“okay, baby. just sit tight and touch nothing, all right? I’ll be there in 10 or less. i love you” he mentally slaps himself for letting the last sentence blurt out. hanging up before he gets to hear her response. embarrassment is the last thing he needs right now,

he sprints outside with keys in his hand, not bothering to write a note for his uncle since he’ll be working late. well it’s not like he’d read them anyway.

she is undoubtedly one tough woman. toughest one he has ever met. batshit crazy and unfiltered. but to be in a room where people do drugs and watch them get high off those things just bring so many bad memories revolving around her dad.

he could imagine her face right now and the anxiety seeping in being around those people. even he hates it. his brain is now filled with images of his girl being vulnerable, possibly hiding herself out from the party. that drives him to keep punching the gas, not wanting to hit the brakes. and he’s probably going over the speed limit. he doesn’t care though

eddie has never been a wreck less driver. never was and never will be, but y/n is the only thing important to him right now.

breaking this down to three parts so we can focus more on y/n and eddie trying to fix things up on the next one:)

pt 3

tagging: @littlemiss-yeehaw @lacrymosa-24 @godsfavoritegirlll

#eddie munson angst #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x mean!cheerleader #eddie things #eddie munson blurbs

2K notes · View notes

seelestia · 1 year

Note

If you really want to write something for me (crab 🦀) then how about some Kaveh fluff because he is way to relatable right now, especially in my current situation (doesn’t have to be though, I didn’t expect you to want to write something for me so get a bit creative with it lol) 🦀 🦀 🦀

— 𝐨𝐟 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲 & 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐜𝐲.

SUMMARY. when you offer a friend a suggestion on how to increase his efficiency, you don't expect your intimacy for him would also increase alongside it. (he doesn't expect it too.) (1.5k+ words)

CHARACTERS. kaveh + GN!reader.

GENRE. fluff, angst with comfort, friends to ??? (when ur friend starts looking a lil too good for some reason...).

CW. references to kaveh's backstory, implications of crying and stress (kaveh our beloved <//3), reader wears reading glasses (cool stuff) and rambles abt naps.

THOUGHTS. ik all kaveh simps and kinnies want to give him a hug, so here you go! i cherish him vv much. to 🦀 anon, let's just treat this as like your commissioning me in a way (i hope this ficlet is alright?? i'm rusty hhhhh) ♡

✰ masterlist.

"Ughhhhhh."

So, the rumors amongst the people of the Akademiya are true, after all; that there can never be a silence that lasts too long when a certain man with blond hair is present.

"Gahhhhhh."

For someone who is still at the prime of his life, KAVEH sure looks like he has already aged a hundred years in the span of a single night. But according to the people at the Akademiya, this occurrence is nothing out of the ordinary and as someone who has known him for years, you can absolutely concur with them.

With a hand on his temple and a heavy sigh that weighs a thousand troubles, there is no other way for the blond male to express his frustration besides verbal means — and to that, too, you are a witness sitting across from him on the table.

Guess that's just the price you have to pay for agreeing to help him when he begged you yesterday. According to him, your "job description" is just to stop him from dozing off because a deadline from a client of his is nearing way too quickly for his liking.

Thus, here you are — watching him do his work while you do your own work on a table at his place (or more precisely, his room in Alhaitham's place but you don't want Kaveh to fly into a fit of rage).

"My head hurts," Kaveh groans.

"Because you've stared at that blueprint for hours now," you answer.

"My back hurts too," he complains again.

"Because you haven't changed your position ever since we started sitting," you retort again.

If anyone were to ask for some sort of proof about the frequency of Kaveh's grumbles, the fact that you could respond so naturally and quickly while barely taking your gaze off the documents spread out in front of you, as if you've done this so many times before (which you have), would have sufficed.

"[Y/N]," Kaveh calls your name in a dramatic whine, "You're supposed to sympathize with me...!" But you don't find the need to look up from your paper when you can almost feel the pout forming on his lips already.

It isn't as if you don't want to empathize with him, but that sight of his pout happens to be quite adorable — does it count as being mean if you want him to keep it on for a bit longer? Ha, what a strange feeling.

"Then, why don't you take a nap?" you give him a suggestion as you look up to spare your colleague a glance, "I'll wake you up in about 20 minutes or so."

That look of hesitance on Kaveh's face makes you raise an eyebrow. "Sounds tempting, but are you sure doing that wouldn't waste more time instead of saving it?" the man tilts his head questioningly with a frown as if he is unsure of the right answer himself.

"Idiot," you blurt out.

Thank goodness the circumference of the table isn't wide enough to interrupt your movements as you put down your reading glasses and reach out to pull on Kaveh's cheek gently. He, as the one on the receiving end, doesn't think the gesture is as gentle as it looks though.

"Hey! Ouch, ouch—" Kaveh cries out a little yelp that is a perfect representation of his surprise. "Let me ask you this," you release his cheek from your grasp and he expresses gratitude to the Dendro Archon like never before while you continue, "Why do you think you've been staring at that blueprint without being able to function properly?"

"Uh, umm," he stammers, "...Because I feel tired, maybe?" Again, he sounds unsure of himself but that is most likely because you've shaken off half of his brain cells by pinching his cheek just now. Fortunately, judging by that satisfied expression on your face, he seems to have gotten it right.

"Good," you nod approvingly, "Naps have been proven to provide relaxation, reduce fatigue, and increase alertness. The most optimal time for adults is between 10 to 20 minutes."

Kaveh listens to you intently, but that dumbfounded look he has on almost says otherwise. Noticing this, you decide to feign an aura of seriousness as you add, "I was being generous when I offered to wake you up after 20 minutes, by the way. I could've set it to 10 minutes instead."

"You're ruthless," he gapes.

"So, are you going to take a nap or not?" you stifle a giggle.

"Seems like that's the best option I have right now," your dear friend can only shrug his shoulders defeatedly. In order to prepare for his nap, Kaveh sets aside the blueprint he has previously spent hours working on and neatly folds his arms on top of the table.

"Sleeping on a desk isn't very comfy but it'll do," he heaves out an exhausted sigh. Not even one second into placing his head atop his folded arms, he is already missing the softness of his bed back at home — but he can't really complain, so he closes his eyes in silence despite the slight discomfort.

You observe, picking up the disgruntled noises Kaveh makes as he shifts around to find the right position to lay his head. This quiet moment where your banters with him finally die down is when you can truly see the burdens weighing upon his shoulders and your gaze can't help but soften.

Despite how empathetic he appears or how his dramatic antics always elicit a laugh out of others, you know Kaveh really has been through a lot — and you wonder if you didn't suggest he take a nap, would he have neglected his health to do more in a state of low efficiency? Does he often allow himself some time to rest like this?

"You're really tired, aren't you?" your voice lowers into a soft murmur.

"...Yeah," his answer comes out quieter than your question.

"Deadlines are killing me. I know it's meant to help me be organized and all," you see how he opens his eyes to glance at the blueprint mere inches away from his face, "But right now, it's putting more pressure on me than anything."

Kaveh exhales another drained sigh, "And I still have my debts to worry about too. God, when will this all end..." His voice eventually trails off into an evident crack like he is about to choke, "So many things at once, I feel like it's all crashing on me..."

Your heart clenches. He's about to cry, you note.

"Hey," you speak tenderly. "Don't frown so hard, it'll make your head hurt more," you extend your hand to rub soothingly at the deepening frown on his forehead with your thumb. "Oh, s-sorry," his lips try their best not to tremble when he lets that apology slip, but you're not here to scold him.

"Even if it all comes crashing down on you, you'll be able to push them all off eventually, right? One at a time," you say as you rub a few more circles on his forehead to soothe his headache. You're not certain on how he'd receive your words, so you purse your lips with a tinge of reluctance, "Even now, you're still working on it, aren't you? Don't beat yourself up for not reaching your goal when you're still in the process. That's not fair to yourself."

There is a moment of silence before you hear a series of sniffles. "Curses..." he mumbles with a pathetic chuckle, "Look at me, putting this all on you when I'm supposed to be taking a nap." Just as you're about to shake your head in denial, Kaveh's eyes flicker to meet yours — and you're momentarily stunned by how they look.

Mesmerizing irises in the color of red stare back at you; they're glassy as if a single touch would make them ripple and a dam of tears will burst from it, yet filled with unspoken gratefulness.

"And... thanks for saying that," he smiles, "It's been a while since people actually took my problems seriously, s-so um, shoot—" Darn it, his tongue just has to mess up at the worst timing! Kaveh picks himself back up with a small cough, "Uh, anyway, what I was about to say is that it means a lot to me... So, thank you."

He peers at you worriedly after finishing his words, concerned that you'll laugh at him instead. But rather than a laugh, he is met with the softest smile and Kaveh swears— he swears that his heart has never thumped this hard before. Never ever.

"I'm glad," you say and suddenly, he feels oddly exposed underneath your gaze. He has always been more used to your sterner yet caring side; so, this gentleness of yours is sending inexplicable warmth rushing through his veins.

Oh no.

How is he supposed to sleep now?

Then, comes the sensation of something in his hair and Kaveh winces before registering the fact that it's actually your fingers that are combing through his hair. The shock easily fades into relaxation and he lets out a sigh of contentment, "That feels nice."

"Should I stop?" you ask.

"N-no," his hand grabs onto your wrist almost desperately as if keeping it in place. "Keep going... please," Kaveh utters the last word so meekly you almost mistake it for a whisper.

You smile to yourself.

"Sleep well, Kav."

Perhaps, you uttered those words with more love and newfound affection for him than you realize.

And maybe he, too, realizes the same.

─ ⊹ ⊱ ・・・・・・☆・・・・・・・⊰ ⊹ ─

✰ TAGLIST: @meimeimeirin @hcikazu @tsuk4sa-yug1 @catcze @semi-orangeapple @yuuki4646 @d-a-r-k-s-w-a-n @daisydkj @omgscaramouche @coquettemaiden @lemontum @herdrops @lleoll @xiaosonlybeloved @chiisananingen @irethepotato @ainescribe @blooodyvampy @starlightaura @jihyuniepark @duhsies @maybemiko @lordbugs @sakkaku-squared @lupicalbestwolf — [ bolded names are unable to be tagged because of url changes or visibility settings + register here to be a part of my taglist! ]

#genshin x reader #kaveh x reader #genshin x you #kaveh x you #genshin fluff #kaveh fluff #genshin scenarios #genshin imagines #genshin fanfic #genshin headcanons #seelestial.inks

632 notes · View notes

singmyaubade · 1 year

Text

totally just friends

warning : mentions of smut and cursing

sypnosis : what's weird? we are just friends

james potter x female!reader

part 1 / part 2/ part 3

two weeks.

two weeks since james kissing you, two weeks since your entire friend group resented you, and two weeks since you made one of the hugest mistakes you could've made.

time felt so slow and agonizing.

you could deal with claire not liking you but your entire friend group? that was hell.

you knew that what you had did was awful but not being able to explain yourself or to help people realize how guilty you felt was the hardest and most frustrating part of it all.

james was trying to talk to you, you were trying to talk to anyone in your friend group, and they were ignoring you to comfort claire.

you did try talking to claire as well but she would either get really pissed or walk away from you.

this situation was more dramatic than you could've imagined.

now you were currently trying to talk to lily,

"lily please, let me at least explain myself." you begged, trying to talk to her during potions.

she scoffed, "what is there to explain?" she continued to examine her potion, "you betrayed our closest friend and couldn't be honest with her, that's fucked up."

you frowned, "i never meant to hurt her, i didn't even know it would be a dare, i love claire and i never wanted to make her upset." you explained.

she looked at you, "did you love her while you were kissing james?" she sarcastically asked.

"this is fucking ridiculous." you laughed crazily, "you know i would've never done anything to intentionally hurt claire and yes, i made a mistake but-"

lily cut you off, "there is no but, you made a mistake and as much as i want to sympathize with you in the best way i can, you know claire is in the right and didn't deserve that so stop trying to act innocent." she spat.

you had never seen lily so furious, well at you.

proving to claire that you wouldn't do that her again seemed damn near impossible and the resentment and hate towards you was something you couldn't fight.

you wished you could disappear.

but unfortunately, that was not going to be an option.

the class dismissed as you rushed out the door, not wanting to even wait for the dirty looks or snark remarks from claire.

having most of your classes with your friends was actually not the best thing considering the situation.

you spent most of your time on the bench outside during the ten minute break, thinking. thinking about what you could do or what to even say to claire. even if she did slap you and not be the kindest, she still was your best friend at the end of the day.

you were a little pissed at claire for how she was handling the situation but you couldn't blame how she was acting, she was clearly hurt by your actions.

the bell chimed, noting you to start walking to class, holding your books in your hands.

you were lost in thought when someone bumped into your shoulder aggressively, making you drop the books in your hand.

you looked behind you to see who did it and to no surprise it was claire.

"claire, what the fuck?" you angrily said.

she turned around with a smirk, "oh i'm sorry, did you drop your books?" she sarcastically said, pouting.

"this mean girl look is not cute and you know it, you are just being a bitch." you spat.

she inched closer to you, "maybe i wouldn't have to be a bitch if it wasn't for the fact that you couldn't keep your legs closed for the a hundreth time this year." she berated, earning a couple of 'oooh's' from different students.

you scoffed, "do yourself a bloody favor and just walk away, you are only doing this because you are angry which i will excuse this one time." you snapped.

more students from different houses started to gather around.

"oh thank you for permission y/n!" she sarcastically cheered, "that is so mature of you considering all you do is act like a slut for any boy who gives you an inch of attention," she was now face to face with you, "and just for clarification, james didn't kiss you because you had any personality, he only kissed you because you were easy and was hoping to score some." she scowled.

"fuck you." you spat.

"i'm sure you would love to do that considering you have fucked at least everyone in the school." she smirked.

that comment really got you, causing you to punch claire square in her face which made her fall on the floor.

you angrily looked down on her as she had a surprised look on her face from you hitting her.

you realized quickly what you had just done, "claire, i'm so sorry." you extended your hand to help her which she accepted, "my anger got the best of m-" you started.

you were cut off but the impact of her punching you as you feel to the ground and she rose on top of your waist, "you fucking cunt!" she yelled.

she started clawing your face which caused you to scream to which you punched her in the stomach, trying to get her off of you.

you punched her square in the nose, maybe even breaking it.

she yelped in agony, hitting you harder as you pushed her to which she fell opposite of you and you got on top of her. you began hitting her hardly as she reached and pulled at your hair roughly.

you yelled, punching her harder to which she covered her face as you felt someone grab you.

"you fucking whore!" claire yelled from the ground as you looked to see remus trying to pick her up.

you tried to break out of the persons hold but they weren't budging, "fuck you claire." you spat, blood coming out of your mouth.

"calm down." james whispered in your ear, your body relaxing.

as you became unfocused, claire broke out of remus's hold and began lunging towards you.

she punched you in the jaw so hard that you heard a crack. you yelled louder in pain as multiple students began grabbing claire to hold her back.

you grabbed onto your jaw in pain as james began blocking you with his body.

you felt unable to focus, the pain was indescribable. you felt as if your entire jaw was misplaced, you couldn’t believe claire actually had it in her.

james urgently rushed you to the infirmary where pomfrey took a look at you, “merlin!” she said, “excuse my language but your jaw is entirely misplaced.” she touched your jaw as you groaned in pain.

james was holding your hand as you squeezed his hand when you felt pain.

pomfrey went away for a second, grabbing her wand, “this will only hurt for a second.” she said.

before you realized what she was doing, a simple charm placed your jaw back into place which hurt like a bitch.

you yelled loudly, squeezing james’s hand as tightly as you could.

you calmed down after a minute, not feeling as much pain due to a numbing charm.

pomfrey healed most of your bruises and cuts although the claw marks were going to take time to heal.

after a few healing potions and some fixing of your jaw, you had to talk to headmaster dumbledore.

“can you convince him i’m still sick?” you pleaded with promfrey.

she shook her head in dismissal as you sighed. you looked at james next to you who gave you a comforting smile.

“don’t worry, you know dumbledore won’t be so harsh.” he comforted.

you smiled, calming down, “thanks james.” you said, “and thank you for staying with me the entire time.”

he shrugged, “it’s whatever i guess.” he joked as you pushed him a little bit.

“if i’m not expelled, I’ll see you after?” you said, sounding a bit more like a question.

“of course, would die without ya.” he said, embracing you in a hug then holding your cheeks with both of his hands on either side, “i’m sorry you broke your jaw because of something i did.” he sounded genuine which made your heart flutter and due to his hands heating up your cheeks.

you laughed, “it’s okay, i think the kiss was worth it.” you winked, leaving him grinning from ear to ear.

“between you and me,” he whispered, “me too.”

you smiled, “i should get going.”

“yeah, ill see you soon eh?” he said.

“yep.” you replied before heading off.

you went up to dumbledore's office with nerves radiating your entire body. you couldn't believe this is where you were and you couldn't believe that you and claire actually fought.

none of it seemed real.

you took a deep breath as you entered his office, claire sitting on the left side with a scowl on her face.

"come in miss l/n." dumbledore greeted you with a friendly face.

you stepped inside, sitting down on the right side, about five inches away from claire.

"i have heard from many other students and they have claimed to have witnessed that you started the fight." he said, looking at you, "is that true?"

you swallowed, "it is, i was hurt by something claire had said which is no excuse and i got violent." you admitted, looking into your lap, "i apologize."

he nodded, "is there anything you would like to say miss brown?" he asked.

"i apologize too, i reacted out of anger and should've never called y/n such horrible names." she said, "she's my best friend and didn't deserve that."

this caused you to look at her, you were still her best friend.

"hogwarts forbids any sort of violence and you are both mature enough to talk about your issues instead of resorting to that. usually, this would result in expulsion," he said, causing you to widen your eyes, "but i was a teenager once and know that mistakes are not in the list of characteristics nor do they define you and due to that understanding, your punishment will be detention for two months."

a wave of relief hit you so harshly, you wondered if dumbledore could've seen it.

"i appreciate that, nothing like that will ever happen again." you stated.

"agreed." claire nodded.

"i hope so." he said, "and i hope you both realize that friendship is more important than a teenage boy." you both looked at each other in surprise, "with that being said, you may go off to dinner." he dismissed.

you both thanked him, walking out of the room.

you chose to speak first once you both were otuside, "i'm really sorry claire, i should've never done that to you and i was being selfish, i love you so much and you matter more than any boy ever could." you heartfully spoke.

claire was glossy-eyed, "same with me, i'm sorry for ignoring you and well being a bitch," you both laughed, "and for hitting you, i never should've gotten physical."

you smiled, "i completely agree, i should've never hit you, i just want to be best friends again." you said.

"and that we are." she held your hand, "honestly, i think you know how to throw a punch." she joked.

"me? did you see the punch you gave me, knocked my bloody jaw out of place." you both started laughing loudly.

"i didn't think it was hard!" she giggled.

"i swear my jaw will never be the same." you frowned jokingly.

she kissed your cheek, "there, it's fixed, trust me."

"actually, it is feeling a little better now." you agreed.

"and about james, if you want him, you can-"

she cut you off, "trust me, i do not want james anymore, i have realized i like the idea of him and not truly him. plus, pettigrew is actually very kind and hilarious." she said.

relief washed over you, "i always thought you two would be cute." you admitted.

"really? good to know." she winked, "and we both know you and james are meant to be." she added.

you scoffed, "yeah right."

"you should admit it before it's too late." she sent you a smug look, "the way he looks at you is as if you he could look at you for an eternity." she said, looking ahead.

a grin plastered on your face, "really?" you asked.

"yep." she simply said.

it was silent after that, you were too lost in your thoughts. in that moment, you knew that you wanted to be with james potter.

not because it made sense but because he was always there, he always cared.

james felt like an adrenaline rush that never faded or when you are floating on water with your eyes closed.

he made you feel golden.

and i guess you could say that james potter himself was golden.

you both made it to the dining hall, sitting down with the group as they looked at you both totally confused.

"are you guys going to kill eachother again?" dorcas asked.

"yeah because i can totally record." marlene added.

you and claire both started laughing, "i'm afraid there will be no more killing eachother." claire said.

you agreed, "yeah, i think we will stick to being best friends."

"thank the lord, i was really starting to miss you." mary said, looking at you.

"agreed." dorcas said.

"missed you a lot." lily said.

"missed you too lils." you smiled.

"i'm sorry for what i said." lily said.

you squeezed her hand, "i understand why you said it and i love you for sticking with claire." you said, kissing her on the cheek, "i'll be back guys, i have to go do something." you excused yourself as they all nodded, continuing their conversations.

you went up to james and tapped his shoulder, "may i talk to you?" you asked as he looked behind to see you.

"y-yeah of course." he said, getting up.

you both went outside of the hall, "claire and i cleared everything up."

he nodded, hands inside his pockets, "good good, i'm glad."

"yeah and i obviously didn't even get expelled." you laughed.

he chuckled, "amazing news." he said, looking at the ground.

"and i also realized that i kinda like you." you said as he looked at you in shock, "just a little bit." you joked.

"i think i kinda like you too." he cheesily said.

"so potter, will you give the most extraordinary time of my life by letting me take you on a date?" you asked.

he hummed, tapping his chin with his pointer finger, "i meann,"

he suddenly picked you up as you yelped and carried you in the air, "of course i will!" he yelled.

"okay okay! bloody put me down!" you giggled.

"wait does that mean i can finally fuck you?" he asked, jokingly.

"maybe after thirty dates." you said.

he pouted, "thirty?"

you rolled your eyes, "i'm kidding with you, if you take me to a nice place, you can fuck me." you said.

he cheered loudly as you shushed him, "can i kiss you?" he asked.

you mimicked his pretend thinking earlier, "no shit sherlock."

he smiled, placing his hand on you cheeks and kissing you.

and now, you guys weren't totally just friends.

thank you guys for following in on this little series ! i am sorry it took so long, so many holidays. if this wasn't the best ending/ last little part, i apologize. anyways, i hope you enjoyed, love u all sm.

tags : @inluvwfbzarry @bunnyrose01 @fanfictioniseverything @fairysluna @maylaysia109 @margaritasrosadas @slay-and-gay @altyx @axa-00 @mata0-0mata @samihatasmim167890 @yourfairygoodwriter @arac3ly @b-barnes04 @let-love-bleeds-red @malfoylaufeysonweasleybarnes @adrienette715 @greeniegreengreen @siriuslysmoking @swag696942069 @evanpetersrightbigtoe @vpiange @eviesmith1810 @melllinaa @okkulta @mystarlightswiftt @mxm47max @robinbuckleysgfreall

@strangeanndunusual @girl-frm-mars @hfduudus @noob-master-6-9 @tobesolovelysstuff

831 notes · View notes

in1-nutshell · 5 months

Note

How would the tfp bots react to meeting a neutral bot who has a huge hatred towards human race because humans kill a human child they were friends and bonded with and swore revenge on humanity

Uh Oh... Poor Neutral...

Anyways... Lets see what happens when Neutral tells the Autobots the reason behind their vendetta against humans.

Hope you enjoy!

Autobots reaction to Neutral bot having a vendetta against humanity because their human friend was killed by other humans

SFW, Angst, mentions of Death, slight graphic but nothing too detailed, Cybertronian/ Bot reader

TFP

Neutral Bot explains to the bot in question their story. Long ago they had made friends with a small Earth child when they crashed landed on Earth. They loved their tiny friend with all their spark.

They had all sorts of fun together while keeping Neutral a secret from the rest of society.

One day they weren’t careful.

Some evil humans tried to take them away. The child tried fighting the much older humans off to protect them. Neutral quickly got out of their bindings, grabbed their friend, and drove off.

Once they were far enough Neutral had transformed and had their friend in their servos joking about what a rescue that was.

They didn’t know…

They didn’t know the child had gotten hurt.

They didn’t know that a bullet had ripped through their friend’s stomach…

Now they were desperately trying to stop the bleeding and begging for their friend to stay with them.

The child had merely looked up at them with teary eyes but pulled a tired brave face.

The child simply asked if Neutral could hold them while they went to sleep, one last time?

Neutral quietly stifled a sob while holding their friend.

Neutral felt their tiny body going limp against their chassis.

They remembered screaming in pain and anguish. Their entire frame shaking as their servos, bloodied, held onto their tiny friend’s cold lifeless body.

Neutral swore that day, that those humans needed to pay. They needed to pay dearly for the unforgivable action they committed and if any other human stood in their way… well… let’s say things would get messy.

Optimus Prime

He is surprised to hear this story and sympathizes with the bot.

The team nearly lost Raf not too long ago

The thought of one of the children dying…

He doesn’t agree with them killing humans, but there is so much he can do as the bot is not under anyone’s command.

Optimus does see the Neutral around sometimes and is always on alert especially in populated areas or if the kids are nearby.

All diplomacy will fly out the window if the Neutral bot tries on the children’s lives.

“While you may be hurting from the loss of your friend—”--Optimus

“They were my Amica, Prime.”--Neutral

“You cannot endanger the safety of others that don’t have anything to do with this.”--Optimus

“Tell that to my friend Prime!”--Neutral

Ratchet

He can empathize in losing someone dear.

He does not agree with how the Neutral wants to handle things.

He has made it clear that if the Neutral harms any human, especially the children, that he will come for them.

Does not leave the kids alone with them.

Does not trust them at all.

“You can’t simple slay every human that comes your way! You’ll be no better than the Decepticons. Do you think that’s what your friend would have wanted? Is that what--”--Ratchet

“DO NOT SPEAK THEIR NAME! You have NO RIGHT!”—Neutral

Bumblebee

He empathizes with the Neutral a lot.

He nearly lost Raf and there wasn’t anything he could do before they luckily found a cure.

He couldn’t imagine if Raf…

He is vocal about being against Neutrals way to handle the grief.

Never leave the kids alone with them at the base.

“Beep? (Do you want to talk about them?)”--Bumblebee

“…No…”—Neutral

Arcee

As someone who had recently lost a dear friend, she knows all too well about grieving and vengeance.

She does, however, try and talk them out of it.

She doesn’t agree with much of the killing, especially if innocents could be indirectly harmed in the process.

She would honestly not mind if it was the one person who did the harm, but going after others that weren’t even involved crossed the line.

Will never leave the kids alone and will shoot if they even look threatening at the kids.

“I’ve been there. I lost my partner not too long ago.”--Arcee

“Did you seek vengeance?”--Neutral

“I did… it didn’t do anything to the hole in my spark. And I don’t think he would be very proud of how I handle things. Do you think your friend would?”--Arcee

“… I think you need to leave Arcee…”--Neutral

Bulkhead

Empathizes with the Neutral

Miko has given him enough scares that he is very much afraid that one day she is going to stray in the line of fire…

He is uneasy about their whole vendetta.

Would try and talk to them about it, but if it doesn’t work then they are another enemy in his optics.

Another bot he has to watch in case some humans go missing.

Uneasy and try to get along with them.

Refuses to leave the kids line of sight when they are around.

“You can’t keep putting yourself and the humans at risk!”--Bulkhead

“Watch me!”--Neutral

“Some of these humans didn’t even know what happened—”--Bulkhead

“But the ones that do need to pay!”--Neutral

Smokescreen

He feels sad after hearing the story.

He hasn’t experienced much grief in losing a loved one, but he can’t even imagine if Jack got seriously hurt.

He hated the time he saw Jack trapped, feeling so helpless and angry.

Does kind of agree with the neutral for going and getting even with the person who killed their friend.

But not killing them, he isn’t going to cross that line.

He would try and talk about getting revenge in different ways besides murder. It doesn’t work.

“… it sounds like you two were best friends.”--Smokescreen

“…They were my Amica…”--Neutral

“Amica?”--Smokescreen

“Yeah… They were my little Amica… but now they are gone…”—Neutral

He keeps an extra optic open in case he sees their altmode around.

Wheeljack

Would probably the most in getting revenge with the Neutral

Maybe roughing up the human a bit or messing with things the human likes like their car exploding.

He might try and tell them about seeking revenge isn’t always the best thing, he should know.

It doesn’t work.

He is on constant alert for the kids whenever they get outside the base.

“Kid you need to stop this before anyone else gets hurt.”--Wheeljack

“Tell that to the monsters who killed them!”—Neutral

“…You know there is no way they are going to come back. Their gone, the best thing to do is to make sure they didn’t die in vain.”--Wheeljack

“Don’t you EVER talk to me on what they would have wanted.”—Neutral

Ultra Magnus

Sympathizes with Neutral for the loss.

But he knows that this vendetta is not right.

He is willing to fight Neutral if he finds out that they hurt any human.

While he had a rough start with the humans, they are rubbing on him.

Will protect the humans will sic the autoboot code on them.

“You know I can’t let this slide soldier.”—Ultra Magnus

“I’m not one of your soldiers Magnus. And I’d like to see you try. There is nothing on this Earth that would stop me from seeing the light leave their eyes! ”—Neutral

#transformers #transformers x reader #tfp #tfp x reader #tfp x platonic reader #tfp optimus prime #tfp ratchet #tfp bumblebee #tfp bulkhead #tfp arcee #tfp smokescreen #tfp wheeljack #tfp ultra magnus #maccadam

150 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

constantinho

a-bit-of-fuckery

I’m Too Old For This

sanjnas-blog-stuff

Sanjna

phoenixculpa

Felix Culpa

amirshervan

Amir Shervan