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#tell me enough aspects and i'll know what year that was
mercurytrinemoon · 1 year
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Hi there! Can you please have a look at my chart? I would like to know something about my career ( types of careers, challenges, career fame etc.). Thank you so much!!!
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Gurl, wait... idk where @111roxy111's moon is but you have the exact same birth chart
You're not her, right???
If you're not her, that'd be bizzare, I'm weirded out ngl
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gabriellovescandy · 2 months
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Kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me
#I am so fucking tired of my parents#if I don't find a full time job soon (which i haven't been able to find for the past six months)#it's possible that my dad will be given the opportunity to live in our house by the state#apparently it can be done in around ten days once it's decided#can i trust my mother with these kinds of informations? absolutely not. but there is a 50/50 chances that it's true#i have saved as much as i could all my life in preparation of this moment and i do have enough money to move but it takes time#every other week my mother comes home with similar kinds of insane informations for me to process#one week she reassures me everything is fine and i have like a couple of years before leaving this house#the week after. this.#i have no idea of what's real or not#i am so stressed that last week i lost the ability to finction for three days straight#i am going insane#and i am in no condition to find jobs i've applied to very little positions in this timeframe also because of this stress that paralyzes me#i am not depressed but god i am indeed exausted#i also have surgery planned (do not know the date yet it's not a difficult one but i never had one and i am scared shitless)#and technically i am in a promising job selection but it's a public one so no one tells you nothing and it can take up to six months before#someone calls you back#so i am inside a limbo on every aspect of my life and it's unreal#i can't even see my psychologist because she's getting surgery next week so i'll see her the week after#i don't have the streight to write this new developement to friends#i think i'll just deadscroll for a while and then go to bed#i don't know. i'm so tired and at the same time not at all tired#i'm doing nothing with my days but i still need everything to stop#i don't know#stuff
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noxtivagus · 1 year
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:^)
#🌙.tbd#start of the year n yk i already fucked up#last night i slept nearly 4 n today has been.. a mess already to say the least#but i think it'll be even more pathetic of me to let my shortcomings hinder me#even if it hurts i will and definitely will challenge myself to get back up even higher#but.. i really do mean it when i say humans being yk. social beings r my weakness#i mean it's weird bcs one cld consider so many aspects of humanity to be weak but they also make us strong n#it's a bit too much at times for my sensitive self#anything to do with other ppl is just my weakness. i just can't be enough for it in a way#it hurts when there's always so much i'd love to tell my friends n family but i just can't seem to.. yeah#i crave authenticity so much it hurts. i'm so sick of this world n how#yk all the dishonesty that exists. all the facades n fake bs n everything. i hate it so much#when i just.. want to live like myself. to just be free from all those restrains n barriers to living more meaningfully#n i could just write. yk maybe when i turn 18 i'll really try to write very lengthy letters of what the people in my life mean to me#i really just. want to give that. for no particular reason other than i really want to bcs i really mean it#sometimes i hate how sensitive n emotional i am. how it hurts me n ends up hurting others n tears me even further apart#but then perhaps it's.. in a way when it's not Too much. it's smth special in this world with so much hate n lies n pain n injustice#emotional ppl who r intelligent as well rlly have a special place in my heart.#ahh.. i rlly don't know what i'm writing anymore i feel so bad n so helpless w my incapability rn#life is of the journey. of how we overcome our sufferings. of memories n people. of hope. of love and peace.#but even though yk overcoming pain n sad stuff adds more meaning to yk ^^ yh it's still..#i don't know how to say it right now. bcs there's sm pain that rlly. shldn't have happened? so much injustice..#but more than that pain the reason why humanity is so special to me is how we learn to live yk n yh#' maybe theres virtua in emptiness but still i drown in distress ' that lyrics rlly comforted me. that whole song#virtue* 😭 wahh my tears have dries i'll shower in a bit n. someway somehow i'll find my way. do things better. so long as i move forward.#there's no hope for something better if no future exists.#so as long as we all keep living. i think that's enough#n life isn't meant to be lived by just one person so.. i'm rlly gna do my best. i'm gna do better.
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roesworks · 3 months
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my marauder's sex headcannons
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james, sirius, and remus x female reader
WORD COUNT : 723
i wanna feed you guys (after literally a year) so enjoy my personal headcannons
james potter -
he is a certified switch. he leans more on the dominant side, but sometimes he just has a need to be told what to do.
when you're on top, without a doubt he is calling you mommy. not to mention, he will whine. he's always whining.
plus he will NEVER SHUT UP.
HE WILL ALWAYS PRAISE YOU.
"you're doing so good f'me, my love."
and he will never hit you or degrade you. he thinks that's just plain mean.
sex should be fun. he does it often so that he can skip out of doing cardio. killing two birds with one stone.
on the aspect of cardio, though, james can last a long time. he could go the entire night if he really wanted to.
"please just one more. one more, i promise."
he's a big guy, so you already KNOW that dick is at LEAST nine inches.
"it won't fit-" "-i'll make it fit."
HE LOVES THE STOMACH BULGE
fucking under the cloak.
while he doesn't like to hit you, he is most definitely leaving accidental bruises from gripping you so hard.
he'd rather grip your arm than the mattress. he loves feeling you.
he's probably the loudest moaner in the entire wizarding world.
he enjoys moaning your name so much that if you didn't cast a silencing charm then everyone in hogwarts would hear him.
he loves your boobs. whether they're big or small, he is most definitely sucking them and leaving them polka dotted by the end of the night.
and literally every night he's with you. sex or not. he's latching his lips onto your nipples and sucking the life out of them like they're lollipops.
he is without a doubt an experimentalist.
like whenever he finds a new position or just a new kinky idea, he's going to bring it up to you.
most of the time, you enjoy it. other times, it's just a one time thing.
he tells you he loves you all the time. it's all part of his 'never-shuts-up' persona.
sirius black -
dom. without a doubt.
"who's pussy is this?" "yours."
he likes making you cry. tears of pleasure are his favorite.
degradation is never out of the question.
and "my little slut."
while that is the case, he will, 'talk you through it' if you will.
"finish for me, baby."
100% getting off to you screaming his name.
he's definitely an ass guy. he likes groping it and hitting it whenever he gets the chance.
he's a little on the smaller side, but he definitely makes up for it in width.
he is very. VERY. loud.
he can last a SOLID three or four rounds.
ngl, he looooves bondage.
lets be real, he keeps a black rope in his nightstand.
he will most DEFINITELY tease you with his wand.
or he'll LITERALLY stick it up there.
honestly, he just likes to tease you in general.
pussy checks in public ALLLL THE TIME.
sometimes if you're wet enough, he will just do it with you on the spot.
"wet already, baby?"
he wants everyone to know that you're his, so he takes measures by leaving hickeys all over you, especially in noticeable places.
LOVES seeing you ride him.
he is 100% stealing james' cloak and doing it with you under it.
remus lupin -
a switch, but much more on the submissive side. so basically a sub.
he will literally get off on getting told what to do. and frankly he prefers being a pillow princess.
he definitely starts off quiet, like a whimper here and there,
and then as he gets more and more comfortable with you, (like around your third time) his whimpers become louder and louder.
he is a SOLID seven inches.
he will do some pretty kinky stuff with you.
like experimenting with candle wax. because he was curious, obviously.
and this guy has a huge thing for period sex. not that you mind it, it helps you forget about your cramps.
the rare times that he's on top, he is the sweetest ever.
"you feel so good."
you've done it in the library a few several times... in the restricted section. nobody has to know that, though.
he loves how you taste and will always tell you that.
your boobs are one of his most favorite things about you.
bite bite bite
and he loves touching you.
anywhere he can get his hands on you he will caress you.
he doesn't really last more than three rounds, but,
there were definitely days where he was so into it that he just couldn't stop.
he loves receiving pleasure and praise soso much.
he's just a sweet boy.
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kasarasun · 3 months
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what if I made a thing or it already was that while Airplane wrote the world, Peerless Cucumber illustrated it (only the animals. And Binghe, fighting the animals.) And then then then
He'd totally do it on an alt account, right?? Peerless Cucumber can't be seen making fanart!! (And he's good at it. Like, wiki is using his art in the monsters and beasts pages (that Peerless Cucumber volleyed for. He also separated it from the plant section.) Because 1 its good 2 the artstyle is consistent 3 there isn't a lot of monster official art, other than that one with the black moon rhinoceros python and those other ones and 4 it's really that good)
Haha incomprehensible parenthesis nesting aside, Airplane is watching the forums, right? Not sure about other stuff in canon but he looks at the forums and the fanart and the fiction and most of it is probably corn and binghe and just a little bit of mobei-jun and also the wives tm but!! There's also that guy!!! The monsters guy!! (People would probably suspect 'Drawing the Beast's Ire'- or some other sex euphemism I'm not good at making those- of being Peerless Cucumber because 1 the writing style is the same 2 Peerless Cucumber is the number 1 contributor to the PIDW wiki and a lot of it is the monsters and beasts section and it makes sense, yes??) Anyway, Airplane shooting towards the sky suspects but not too seriously suspects Mr ire of being cucumber's fanart alt but uh uh that ends pre-transmigration section
So, Shen Yuan starts running about, right? Things seem really... familiar, maybe thats the word?- for some reason. This is because every animal and plant he's ever drawn, sketched- maybe even thought about but that's a stretch?- is his design. The firefly parallels hold their forelimbs like butterflies. That is how far down it goes. Maybe it doesn't come up until later, but beasts and monsters from fanfiction get involved, oc species, too... anyway,
Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky transmigrates 30 years (iirc) before Peerless Cucumber. He was an avid enough follower of Drawing the Beast's Ire to recognize that these are their designs! Here's where it gets really crazy. Xiao-Mobei comes along, and while he's still pretty young, Airplane can tell that this is Drawing Ire's design! Some aspect, maybe his ears or teeth, (this isn't a well built theoretical tangent) of Mobei isnt canon. Its Drawing Ire's. From that one Northern Kingdom collection. Whatever stretched his world building into coherence, completion, didn't just pull from fanwork, official art, whatever it could find, it went for Drawing the Beast's Ire's designs specifically. Damn that's crazy Airplane ahahaha moving on,
This is getting really long so I'll be a bit more concise, (want to know more? Talk to me. Please talk to me. I want to interact with the fandom. Ask me questions. Poke your fingers into my cage.) This all comes to head at the Immortal alliance conference. The monsters and beasts really start pouring in! And Shen Qingqiu/Yuan remembers his creations. However, he assumes that this is because like 1 other person maybe was Drawing ghost head spiders.
Hey, Peerless Cucumber really liked the monsters, right? The deadlier, crazier, more intricate, the design the better! So maybe, when he was drawing, he... added some things, really believable, logical additions, really just small creative decisions...
Anyway, the monsters that Drawing the Beast's Ire made were where it came to a head.
Lets have another Canon divergence. Maybe, during or after Binghe gets pushed in, out of the rifts comes a species that Drawing Ire created. It's beautiful, poisonous, beloved, and really quite deadly. Shen Yuan/Qingqiu, Peerless Cucumber, Drawing the Beast's Ire... realizes, quite like airplane before him, that he's illustrated, practically sculpted with his own hands, monsters from the Endless Abyss with claws and teeth and poisons as deadly as Peerless Cucumber thought that the really cool monsters could deserve. It feels like he's the one cutting, biting, poisoning his sweet little sheep. It feels like he's digging out the marrow from his little white lotus disciple's bones.
Ok it is shut up time 👍
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crowdedimagines · 3 months
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Roadkill - Aaron Hotchner Imagine
Based around the season 4 episode 23 titled Roadkill! I am going through a rewatch right now and just watched this one!! Also I am trying to stick to the storyline of the episode, but obviously things will be a little different in how they play out 🤩 3.6K
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"How do you feel about Oregon?" JJ asks immediately after I pick up on the third ring.
"I have a feeling I would like Oregon a lot more when it isn't 3:00a.m." I tease, sitting up in bed, already knowing whatever she's calling for is going to be bad enough to to call us in this early.
"Can you be in to the office to brief in an hour? Wheels are up around 4:30."
"I'll be there!"
We both get off the phone so we can pack our go bags and get the day started, although earlier for both of us then intended. I manage to take a fast shower by the time I get out my phone is ringing again, this time it's unit leader Aaron Hotchner.
"I assume you've been informed that we have a case and we're meeting shortly." Hotch has his stern, yet tired voice on.
"Yep, showered squeaky clean. I just need some coffee and I will be on my way!" I smile, wringing out the moisture that's still in my hair and put the phone on speaker to set it down on the bathroom counter.
"I actually just made too much, I'm on my way in now. I could bring you coffee." He offers.
I pause in my actions, surprised by the offer. Although I would've been a lot more shocked a couple weeks ago. When I started with the team Hotch was going through a divorce, but in recent weeks there's been a shift in our dynamic and I'm not sure I'm dreaming it up. It all started a couple weeks back when I dropped off some baked goods after a rare long weekend away from work for him and Jack since it was his weekend to have him. They invited me to stay and I spent the rest of the afternoon with the boys. By the end of the night I was calling him by his first name instead of 'Hotch' which was a new development. Ever since it's been small gestures and looks that tell me something is different.
I've been a part of the BAU for a couple years, growing in confidence and skill the more cases I get under my belt. I spent four years in the military as a designated marksman before continuing my training with the FBI, which lead me to the Counterterrorism Division, and then to the BAU.
"That sounds great actually." I grin. Bringing me coffee to work is another new thing. Aaron has been chattier, smiling more, but coffee is a new ball park.
"Alright, I will be in around twenty. Drive safe."
I mutter back a "you too" before we both hang up. As I make my way into the office I'm the first to reach the bullpen, I came a little early once I knew Aaron was going to be in. A traveling mug is sitting on my desk and I take a long sip. It's still hot, and it's exactly how I always make it. It's also the traveling mug he almost always can be seen with. I set my bag down by my desk before climbing up the stairs to Aaron's office.
"Good morning." I knock lightly on his open door, "Thank you for this. It's perfect."
He looks up from the folder in front of him and the frown leaves his face.
"I'm glad."
I take a seat in one of the chairs across from his desk. It'll be fifteen minutes before the rest of the team joins us. Hotch begins to fill me in on some of the details without going too much into it. We still have to brief as a team.
"I don't think I've ever heard of a vehicle being used as the weapon." I surmise.
"It's highly rare. I've never seen a case likely this first hand." Aaron admits and we discuss a few more aspects of the case.
Eventually the rest of the team trickles in and after some light conversation I go back to my desk. Garcia comes in stomping directly to my desk.
"What's up?" I ask.
"Kevin is looking into a working a secret job and I wont even know where he'll be!" She gushes.
"Slow down, he what?" I spin around in my chair. Garcia fills me in on the details of the job and exactly what he had said to her. The worry on her face is permanent.
"Don't worry yet. He hasn't gotten the job, and if he's offered, you don't even know if he'll take it! Lets just wait to worry once we have something to worry about."
Penelope nods agreeing with my words before moving onto Morgan's desk to do the same and I smile and shake my head. JJ pulls us all into the conference room.
"An unsub that kills with his car." Emily states, "I haven't seen that before."
"Neither have the police in Bend, Oregon." JJ replies, displaying pictures on the screen in front of us.
"Two victims in the last twelve days." Hotch adds, "First was hit on a morning jog and the second was a woman stranded after her car broke down."
"Both female victims, but completely different age groups." I speak up, "The first victim was 23 and the second was 43."
"Maybe they aren't connected." Morgan thinks out loud.
JJ pulls up more pictures and explains that both victims were backed over after they were hit. No chance of accident and the same tread marks at both scenes.
"With where these wounds are, the worst of the blow is high on the bodies." I comment looking through the file, "It has to be a truck or SUV to match these wound patterns."
"See if Garcia can follow that. Try tracking makes and models." Aaron directs.
"There should be significant front end damage to the vehicle." Spencer chimes in.
"Unless our unsub is smart enough and skilled enough to cover his tracks." I begin, "Somehow I don't think it'll be as easy as finding a damaged truck."
It's a five hour flight from DC all the way to Bend but thankfully it gives us all the opportunity to rest up again. By the time we land we can go straight to the police station.
"I think it's safe to say our unsub is male." I read over the case file, thinking out loud with Aaron. This is something new too, we often brainstorm together and work well to get the other thinking outside the box.
"I agree." Hotch nods, "Given what we know about aggressive driving and road rage."
"And the fact that men have an unnatural bond with their cars." Emily laughs. JJ chimes in to agree, which turns into Morgan disagreeing before Rossi is also adding to it.
"I think he has to be overcompensating. Why else have a need for a truck that big." I guess.
"Possibly." Spencer comments, "If the unsub is physically defective the car not only gives the power and control he otherwise lacks, but it also serves as a shield."
"A way for him to avoid physical contact?" Hotch asks.
"He wants power and control of his victims." Prentiss shutters, "Female victims. It almost reads like an assault profile."
"I wanna know why he isn't getting personal with it then. If this is how he assaults women, what if there's something that prevents him from going a more traditional route. It's possible he's disabled." I suggest.
Hotch tells Garcia to look into it to see if anything recent could be a trigger and to look at the people surrounding the victims. Morgan and Rossi head to the highway to get a feel for it and see what they can get from it from the second victim's scene. Hotch and I head to where the jogger was hit.
"Not a lot of people jog here. It's a physically demanding hike." The sheriff informs gesturing to the trail.
"Well, she was a triathlete." I remind.
"The assailant drove behind her and ran her down right here." The sheriff walks us in to where the red stained gravel remains.
"She was jogging alone? Any woman would know if a car was following her up the trail. Her intuition would've been driving her crazy. She would get off the trail or call for help."
"What if he was already here waiting." Hotch agrees, taking in the scene, "What if she was the reason he was here and it wasn't random. He was waiting for her specifically."
"That would mean we underestimated him. It wasn't a random attack, it was planned and vindictive.
The team meets back at the station to go over what we've discovered. The second victim's husband comes in and recalls seeing a large black truck parked by their house giving us something. This confirms that he's targeting and stalking specific individuals.
"Ready be done for the night?" Aaron asks, he peeks his head into the conference room that only I occupy at this point. The rest of the team has already gone to the hotel to call it a night, but Aaron was still talking with the husband and I was just pouring over people in the area that raised some of Garcia's flags based on what we know so far.
"I suppose." I close the file I had been reading and rub at my eyes.
"It'll still be there tomorrow." He reminds.
"I know, the sooner the better though." That's something I don't need to remind him on. We both know it all too well. With an unsub this aggressive we know he isn't stopping anytime soon.
The drive to the hotel is short and comfortably quiet. Neither Aaron or myself have the energy to discuss anything as we're going on a fifteen hour day.
"Goodnight, Y/n." Aaron carried my bag in from the car to the foot of my bed in my room, even with multiple reassurances that I could carry it just fine. I give him a soft knowing smile before he leaves for his own room.
The next morning it's discovered that the unsub sabotaged the second victims car in order to strand them. He's very focused and well planned.
"We need to figure out why he's picking these women." Hotch states, "What makes them a target and links them together."
"Road rage, maybe they cut him off at some point?" I question, "Also how does he have the time to stalking these women to know their routines, sabotage a car, park and wait."
"Roughly eight percent of the United States is unemployed." Reid rattles off.
"Including someone who could be disabled and lives off of a pension." I remind from my earlier guess."
"Have Garcia look into it." Hotch states before walking away and I smile.
"Pretty girl is on top of it this case." Morgan teases with a smirk.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I roll my eyes.
"Maybe it's something to do with her getting the case early and going over it with Hotch before our team briefing." Reid says with his nose already in a new file. I can feel my face turn a shade of red.
"Pretty girl is getting extra credit!" Prentiss joins in happy to tease, even adopting Morgan's typical nickname for me and Penelope.
"I don't know what you guys are talking about. I simply got in early and we were both at the office." I take a sip of my coffee, looking for any distraction, reaching out to grab a file for myself to ready through. I'm really glad that I didn't bring Hotch's travel mug in from the hotel, I still have it and I almost used it today. That definitely wouldn't go unnoticed with the people surrounding me.
Thankfully the team lets us move on and were able to brainstorm some more. Unfortunately it doesn't take long for JJ to interrupt to tell us there's been a third victim.
"Impact nearly cut him in two." The sheriff explains.
"Male victim?" I question as we arrive on the scene. The unsub hit him in a parking garage, pinning him between the truck and elevator doors. "He's getting more aggressive."
Cigarettes butts are discovered where the truck was parked in waiting. All of them stripped of the filter showing signs that he's military.
"Guys I think I know what ties the victims together." Reid interrupts, "All of the victims drove two door red coupes."
Garcia was able to look into car accidents that left someone injured enough to the point that he can't kill traditionally. He holds the person responsible for his accident for killing his loved one and his own disability. There's nearly twenty five people to still filter out off of the specifications we gave her.
"Wait you guys I think I found it." I sit up from the most recent file that had red flags, "Ian and Sheila Coakley crashed while driving home from Napa Valley on route 7 around midnight. It appeared their car was run off the road. His wife died at the scene."
"And Ian?" Rossi asks.
"He survived although he suffered a spinal cord injury."
Morgan and Prentiss go to his doctor to verify some information while we try to track down Ian. His house foreclosed after the accident.
"Track the parts for his specific truck. He's been doing his own repairs so they have to be sent somewhere." Rossi suggests to Garcia.
"Rossi gets a gold star!" Garcia sings, "He's having the parts drop shipped, I'm sending you guys the address."
"Hey, what do I get for knowing he would be disabled?" I jest, I called that from the plane.
"Nothing but my love, sugar." Garcia says before hanging up.
"I don't have a gold star, but well done Y/Ln." Aaron nods.
Arriving at the home Ian had been renting we find it empty but lots of surveillance photos of the victims and one other person who hasn't been harmed.
"Send this to Garcia now, we need to know who this is." Rossi hands me the picture. I send it to her and she's able to run his plate from the image.
It doesn't take her long to find him and contact his home, where she finds out that he's out biking with a group doing a thirty mile loop.
"Y/n, you're with me. We'll take the north side, Morgan and Rossi you start south and we'll meet in the middle." I quickly get in the passenger side of the SUV and Aaron takes off.
The biking club that target is in covers a lot of milage as Aaron speeds through the dirt road trying so hard to meet the group before the unsub does. Eventually we're closing in, but unfortunately the black truck is ahead of us and gaining on the bikers faster than we're gaining on him.
"Hold on." Aaron takes a risk by cutting Ian off before he can clip the mass of bicyclists. He does this by driving the front left corner of our car into the back right of his truck.
The airbags go off and were spun around from the impact.
"Y/n." Aaron calls. He says it a second time with more panic when I don't answer.
"I'm okay." I groan. The unsub is attempting to back his truck out of the ditch we're both stuck in to finish his mission. He took a much less impactful hit from our collision. I unclip my seatbelt and swing open my door, shattered glass falling from my lap as I stand up.
"Y/n, wait." Aaron instructs, he pulls hard on his seatbelt. It seems like he's stuck from the accident, but the worry on his face is only for me. I give him a look to say I've got this, while he continues to pull at his jammed seatbelt.
"Ian Coakley." I call out, and the man looks over to me briefly. It registers on his face that I am holding my gun and it's aimed for him, he has tears in his eyes.
"This is for Sheila." he floors it heading straight for the group that's waiting after witnessing the accident.
I plant my feet and aim for the back window of the truck, hoping to hit Ian's shoulder. Enough to stop him in his tracks before can harm anyone else without killing him. I've done enough killing myself over the years, and even with all he's done he's a man suffering with the grief of accidentally killing his wife.
The bullet leaves my gun with a loud crack, shattering the back window of the truck. He swerves but not enough to take him off the road. I let out a breath and fire again, this time sending a bullet into the back of his chair and sending his car off the road again to be stopped by a tree. I let out a huff of exhaustion from the impact leaning against the SUV.
Morgan and Rossi pull up and stop to get out and help Aaron and I after seeing our totaled SUV.
"Go" I wave them to keep driving to the unsub to see if he's ok and they do. Aaron manages to get out of the car finally, I hear Morgan call out to radio in an ambulance.
"He's still alive." Rossi shouts to us referring to Ian, they have him laying down now while applying pressure to his wound. The top of his shoulder which shouldn't be fatal, I sigh in relief.
"Are you okay?" Aaron asks finally rounding the back of the car to join me where I stand, he steadies himself. I nod, finally putting my gun away, feeling how stiff my body is.
Aaron fully ignores my nod, taking my head in his hands and pulling my eyelid open to check for signs of a brain bleed. He wipes at my forehead, pulling back his hand with blood on it. Maybe we were hit harder than I thought. Damn airbags.
"I think you have a concussion-" He states, "and you might need stitches."
The worry on his face is deep. I can feel the guilt radiating off of him, he was the one driving. He's the one that chose to hit the unsub's truck.
"I'm okay!" I reassure him, placing my hands on top of his that still rest on my head. This is crossing a new line. He's never touched my face, and I've never touched his hands like this.
"I shouldn't have done that. It was reckless."
"I'm glad you did." I disagree, "If we had waited any longer he would've been able to get his last victim. There's an entire biking club alive right now because of you."
This reminder seems to help slightly, he looks over my shoulder where the crowd remains. I pull him in for a hug, both of us shaking slightly from the adrenaline. After a while we pull apart, the rest of the team arrives as well as a couple ambulances. One takes Ian away immediately, escorted with two police officers as well.
"It took two shots? You're losing your touch." Morgan teases, thowing an arm around my shoulder that makes me wince a little. My phenomenal aim has always been a touchy subject with him, not liking being second.
"I'm concussed and he was driving fast." I defend, fully knowing how whiny I sound.
"Statically of our entire team Y/n would be the only one likely to have made that shot with the variable speed that Ian Croakley was traveling at." Spencer chimes in.
"I knew you were my favorite for a reason." I grin pulling Spence in for a hug effectively shaking off Morgan's arm.
"Yeah, whatever." Morgan shrugs, ruffling the hair in top of Spencer's head.
"Ma'am, you really need to get looked at." The emt reminds, interrupting our conversation. I leave the group and look over to see Aaron sitting on the back of one of the ambulances. We both finish getting evaluated, thankfully nothing too serious that we have to delay our flight home.
"You were right about the concussion." I grin walking up to Aaron as the sheriff walks off.
"And it would seem the stitches too." He reaches out again, thumb hovering over the threading sticking out of my forehead.
"Yeah, should make fore a pretty badass scar." I tease.
"I'm sure it will." He smiles, a real smile. The Aaron smile that I have seen so rarely, but more frequent lately. The plane ride back home is quiet, everyone drained, Aaron and I just flat out sore. By the time we get back to the BAU, Aaron sends everyone home saying the paperwork can wait for the following day. Everyone clears out and he goes back up to his office.
"Not following your own advice?"I question, walking into his office. I make my way round to his side of the desk and lean back on it. The edge of my thigh just barely meeting the outside of his arm from where he sits.
"Just wrapping up a few things before." He sets down his papers, his eyes raking all the way up me from toe to head, we both pretend I don't notice.
"You know, since I have a concussion they said I need to be under observation. No sleeping, crazy delusions, slipping into comas that sort of thing. You know anyone who wants to stay awake with me?"
"I can think of someone" He smirks, "I can put on a pot of coffee."
I pull out the to go mug he had brought my coffee in a few days ago out of my tote and hold it out to him.
"Take me home Aaron."
AHHHHHHHH i hope yall like this! i haven't written in forever to it was honestly just fun to do! :)
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azrielbrainrot · 7 months
Text
NSFW Alphabet with Azriel
note: since i did the sfw version i thought i'd do this one too! i hope it's not too bad
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
Az is definitely the sweetest after sex and he always makes sure you're okay and feel loved. He either helps you clean up or literally carries you to the bath. Also loves seeing you try to take care of him as well.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Wings feels like an easy answer. He's definitely proud that his are the biggest even though he never shows it, as nonchalant as he acts sometimes you know he's cocky as shit under it all. He's probably proud of his physique in general too.
Is saying everything a cop out? I don't see him having a preference as long as it's you.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
He almost always cums inside you. Loves seeing it dripping out of you too. Loves fucking it back inside you with his cock or fingers or even cleaning it up with his mouth for you, tasting you both together. Likes cumming down your throat too. And he'll probably like seeing you covered in his cum in general. As long as it was you making him cum and it ends up in or on your body he'll be happy.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Every once in a while he'll use his shadows to pleasure himself.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
I actually think he was the last of the bat boys to lose his virginity and get any action at all but, even then, of course he has experience. He's 500 years old. He's the type to make sure he knows what he's doing as well so he definitely practiced everything to perfection.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
I don't really know positions names but I imagine he'll like to fuck you in every way he can think of. Definitely likes missionary so he can watch every little expression you make but I don't see it being much of an actual preference.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
He's usually serious.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
I'm sure he keeps it groomed enough.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
He's very intimate. Even when he's rougher, he'll be sure to throw a softer kiss in there at least at the end.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
By himself I don't think he does it that often, especially after meeting you.
Loves watching you do it. You love putting on a show for him too. Like you know he's almost home and you just decide to start without him, letting him get home to the sounds of you moaning his name. He'd tell you to finish and take a seat so he can keep watching with the best view. Then he'll fuck you and keep telling how you did so good for him, putting on such a beautiful show.
I also think he'd use this as a kind of punishment sometimes. You'd be in bed masturbating, trying to make yourself cum and begging for him because his finger, his mouth, his cock feel so much better. But he'd just watch on and cum after you do, getting up to kiss you on the forehead and tell you "next time I'll take care of you if you behave" and walk to the bathroom leaving both of you not quite satisfied.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Let me pull out a list:
dom/sub dynamics. He definitely likes being in control. I see him as a soft/pleasure dom which also comes with a praise kink (I think he'd also like being praised depending on the mood);
voyeurism, but mostly watching you;
cockwarming. Loves watching you sitting on his cock, begging him to move. Which brings me to the next one;
begging. You just sound so beautiful crying for his cock, how could he not.
orgasm control, edging and overstimulation;
breeding. That special tea means he can pump you full as much as he wants without the consequences and he'd be a fool not to take advantage of it;
blood play. On days where things go a bit wrong and he ends up covered in blood so he just winnows in directly to you and fucks you against the wall, covering you in blood too, watching you get corrupted by him (so also corruption lol). He also likes either biting or cutting you a bit and either licking the blood up or writing his name across your body using it;
knife play, truthteller the mvp;
cockwarming;
bondage. I think he likes tying you up but I don't think it would happen that often to be honest. He's very touch starved so he likes when you tear up his back or hold onto him when he's fucking you so well you forget how to breathe. But he also loves tying you up with his shadows and hearing you beg for him, maybe even let his shadows make you cum while he watches.
choking. Loves knowing you trust him enough to literally control how much air you can breathe.
biting, scratching and marking in general. This goes both ways, he loves seeing the marks he leaves on you as much as the ones you leave on him. He definitely likes a bit pain with his pleasure too so he loves when you're tearing his back up with your nails.
a little somnophilia. Loves waking you up by eating you out or being woken up with your mouth or with you straddling his hips;
wing play, almost forgot. He likes it better on softer days or days where you're a bit more in control. When you try teasing him with his wings too much in days where he's feeling rough you always end up with your hands tied up and completely at his mercy.
These are just off the top of my head but I see him being into a lot of things.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Bedroom. Az definitely likes privacy and, unless it's a quicker affair, he definitely makes a mess of the two of you so being safe in your room is just preferable for a lot of reasons. But his shadows give him endless possibilities so you two have a list of places longer than most. Also he fucks you in his dungeon sometimes and it's some of the dirtiest and best sex you've ever had.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
You. Short answer but I think he doesn't need much to want to fuck you senseless.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
I think he would do almost anything you asked of him. He'd draw the line at really hurting you. I can see him being into spanking, choking, even knife play, some rougher stuff, but never to the point of actually causing much pain.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
He could live the rest of his life happily with you sitting on his face. But of course he loves seeing you with his cock down your throat, struggling to fit everything. I think he's kind of in the middle, leaning more to giving.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Depends on the mood and the day. I think he leans on rough most days but it truly just depends.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
I think he'd always prefer taking his time with you but, especially in the beginning of your relationship, quickies were a regular occurrence. Again, his shadows make things easier here because he can hide the two of you so he doesn't even have to worry about location all that much. I will say quickier always ended with a promise of continuing on later.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
Yes, he'll try anything you ask of him at least once. He probably tried everything he could think up before too, especially when he was younger.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
I mean he's a trained warrior so his stamina is probably insane. Let's just say he has definitely fucked you until you were dozing off quite a few times.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
I'm not sure toys exist in the acotar world but he totally would. I'm also going to consider his shadows as toys here because he uses them on you all the time in a lot different ways.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
He's a huge tease. Since he loves both overstimulation and edging and has a filthy mouth, either combination would have you with tears running down your face, considering stealing truthteller to stab him sometimes.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
I don't think he's that loud, maybe more when he's close. He likes hearing you more.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
For every time he fucks you dirty and rough he'll make love to you. Well maybe every two times. He's been waiting for a mate/wife for his whole life and he intends to shower her with as much love as he has to give. Obviously I see him being really kinky and I know dirty probably doesn't even begin to describe the things this man does but I genuinely think he likes soft and intimate sex just as much.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
He's canonically the biggest since the wingspan keeps being compared to other things. And let's not forget that Nesta couldn't wrap her hand around Cassian's so do with that information as you will.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Really high. I think even worse than Nesta and Cassian all over the House of Wind - he's just not getting caught. Maybe not as much before you but definitely after.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
He has trouble falling asleep normally so i don't think he'd fall asleep immediately. Also, like I said, he likes fucking you for hours so you probably knock out a couple minutes after laying down and he'd always fall asleep after you.
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shanniethewr · 9 months
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"so love me. show me that you mean it."
"pardon?" lyney said, wide eyes speaking volumes of his bewilderment. you stood in front of him, remaining unfazed as the two of you spoke in the empty backstage of the opera epiclese, where no one would disturb the conversation you two held.
"you said you love me, didn't you?" purple clashes with yours, "yet you kept so many things from me... to think you'd be part of the fatui out of every organization...!" your voice trembled, so did your hands as your nails dug against your palms. lyney wanted to speak, his lips moved yet no voice could be heard.
"you promised to fix things between us... you promised to heal me, to gain back my trust! but after the events lately, i don't think it's possible to trust you again so easily." lyney's voice came, "i- i know... and i know that an apology wouldn't fix things so easily..."
tears adorned your eyes, threatening to fall yet you don't let yourself shed a tear. "so show me that you mean it. no more lies, no more deception... i don't want the lyney who had kept so much from me. i don't want the lyney who wasn't the actual lyney i knew to the point i questioned every aspect of our relationship if it was genuine or not."
"and i don't want us back if you don't trust me enough to tell me everything about you like i trusted you wholeheartedly with my life on the line..."
lyney stood frozen in front of you, a myriad of emotions ran wild to the point he wasn't able to identify the suffocating feeling he was experiencing. you were his rose, his beloved rose. but all roses have thorns, and your thorns have crushed his heart in your hold.
but you were right, to an extent that all lyney wished was to go back and make everything right, to show that he actually loves you. but time was irreversible, and he shouldn't be wishing to fix the broken past, as fixing the shattered pieces of diamond was nearly impossible.
he should be fixing the present, his and your relationship.
lyney remembered it like yesterday, the order he received from his "father" to watch you, observe you, and to deceive you.
he remembered nothing but the mission in mind, to him, you were nothing but a task, a job lyney had to finish.
the interactions, conversations, and moments you two shared slowly increased to something becoming more frequent. yet to lyney, all he had in mind was his "father's" mission.
and like the quick flow of time, like clockwork, your relationship became more than just prey and predator. to lyney, you began to be more than just a task, a mission.
a friend, a loved one.
and suddenly, like the quick turn of pages in a book, you two became so much more than a close friend. lips on lips, skin on skin. loving affirmations were exchanged and the cob had found its pen, two lovers resembling those of swans, genuine and beautiful.
but everything went too quick, the prophecy, the primordial sea, the serial disappearances of young women, and the trial. and lyney faces the broken string of his and your relationship, the very thing he feared and wished for it to become nothing but a fleeting thought, a fleeting nightmare.
"i promise i will, no matter what. to me, you are my rose, my beloved. i didn't want things to end up like this but as they say, the harsh truth will all come to light. i'm... i'm so sorry and i know i deserve this but i will do everything to fix us... i cannot bear the thought of us no longer being together but i promise... i promise that i will do it, to fix this mess. so, please... trust me like you've always had and i'll tell you everything, trust me and i'll show that i truly, truly love you."
lyney didn't even noticed the tears that cascaded down his cheeks, smudging the tear drop on his cheek as his shoulders trembled. archons, he just wished everything was normal, all lyney wished was to have everything back to how it was before. he would do anything, anything to have you back in his arms.
moments felt like hours, years even. but lyney gasped upon feeling your arms wrap around him, feeling your tears on his chest as you too, weep.
with hesitance, lyney pulled you into a tight embrace, having no intention of letting go soon as you two quietly cried in each other's arms.
tonight, after a stunning magic show was spent in the empty backstage where the dam had broken along with two lotuses emerging after, a symbol of two lovers getting back up, far stronger and beautiful than ever.
you can't separate two swans who had become each other's mates after all.
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— © wr.shannie created on 9.03.23 finished on 9.03.23
( lowercase intended + not proofread )
do NOT copy or plagiarize my work!!
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stars-in-a-jam-jar · 28 days
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Moar Buddy Dawn Shit in relation to this post
Buddy was dead for about 10 to 15-maybe-20 minutes. Kristen and Gorgug at the top of Freshman Year were only dead about 3 to 5 minutes and they still got some form of time in the afterlife, (side note: Gorgug not knowing what Orc Heaven looks like and being Deeply Fucking Terrified and shellshocked by the entire experience is So Juicy To Me, like. Something that should by all rights be familiar to him being foreign. Of deep spiritual significance, but not in the way it was 'supposed to be'; he didn't even know how it was 'supposed to be' at the time or after he learned it, he's still not really sure if it was ever a 'supposed to'.) so I'm quite sure Buddy experienced Something beyond the grave and chose to leave it for this nameless aspect of Ankarna. The version of her which exists as a result of her complete death and incomplete resurrection/preservation.
In that 10 to 15 minutes, Buddy passed into the place he was going. Perhaps some cornfield out on the edge of Helio's domain where Helio figured 'I'll get to him or he'll find me sometime, there's literally infinite time here'. Perhaps as a petitioner on the Astral Sea- wait, no, I'm thinking about Rolling With Difficulty cosmology, the Astral Realm is not a sea in Fantasy High. (also go listen to Rolling With Difficulty) Regardless of if he went to the afterlife the adults all told him he'd go to if he'd been a good boy or to some more limbo-like place, he had just enough minutes for the reality to sink in that he's Dead. He's dead and the feeling of a hand gripping his shoulder as if to hoist his assailant high enough to slit his throat presses like a cold weight on his skin. As if this body has skin, no, he's just a solid soul given form in this place.
So jarring. Resting dead in some corner of the cosmos like finding the one empty room at a big loud party where you've mostly been taking things in, sticking close to people you know, not doing anything you're not supposed to. Sitting down on the unfamiliar furniture or swaying idly in place as you listen to the murmur of this foreign world around you. Only it's not like that, not truly at all. You're not at the party anymore, the echoes of your life aren't some thing you're taking a break from to rejoin or building up the nerve to excuse yourself from to get a proper change of scene. There is no going back or moving forward.
He's dead. Buddy Dawn is dead.
How many minutes did it take him to lose composure? Did he even? When the ultimatum was posed to him, did he harden his heart to any regrets about abandoning his original faith, or did he relax into knowing he could live again, in service of something that reached for him and he reached back towards?
Why was he so chipper saying 'Dang, y'all, I worship a nameless god of rage.'? He didn't sound horrified by his decision in much the same way he didn't sound in touch with reality when he said 'Sometimes I raise my hand and magic that burns folks to a crisp comes out, but that's just the lord Helio working through me.' His death didn't change him so much as it fixed his gaze onto something new.
He is still a Cleric. Through and through. His soul needs a divinity to latch onto. And this is the first time he has latched onto a divinity wholly and completely for himself. He was not taught how to live for himself. He was taught how to live and die for a cause. For Helio. He earns a nice afterlife via sacrificing his autonomy to whatever the church tells him is good and right.
But he doesn't want a nice afterlife.
He wants another life.
And he no longer has faith that Helio will deliver him from any hardship, because even after he's just barely grasped how dead he is and has been for the past 11 minutes, his soul is wrent into an ultimatum by a different power. Go back to his body and continue living under a new banner, or be trapped in a dark, solitary purgatory which his soul may never be free from.
It's an easy decision, really. Barely requires any thought, only following a feeling. He no longer wants to stand by the god who allowed him to die so unceremoniously and so unfairly. He honestly feels more betrayed by Helio than he does by Kipperlily. Kipperlily hardly made any promises to him, just asked for him to be the party's cleric. He never expected her to do that, sure, but... His whole life he was promised that every bad emotion he ever felt in response to every wrongness in his life would (should, must, has to) simply evaporate away in the golden light of the corn god. And it's been an eternal 12 minutes, but he only feels worse and worse.
And if all Helio could promise him was a flat expanse of farmland overseen by someone who didn't even properly greet him when he walked in (if the celestial bureaucracy were even doing their jobs and funneled the soul of Helio's cleric to Helio instead of some cosmic waiting room or other), but this nameless deity can promise him a life for himself? Then by god he's taking that ultimatum, come back to life, sit up with a slightly surprised little smile and announce to the world (as he has been taught is right to do when you are devoted to a god) 'I worship a nameless god of rage!'
And he'll be happy with this choice-that-is-not-a-choice which he was betrayed and coerced into. Because it truly feels self indulgent to choose anything. To choose ragefully living for himself instead of obediently dying for an unfulfilling promise. He'll choose the intensity and the darkness because the gentle constant pressure cooker of walking in the light gave him nothing but sunburns and a slit throat.
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dduane · 2 months
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I just saw from your comment on the shrinkflation post that you’re also lactose intolerant with IBS. So listen. This weekend I made Nutella-stuffed chocolate chip cookies, and in doing so realised Nutella is a HUGE trigger for me. It’s been years since I ate it so it came as a total surprise. And the cookies were Amazing, so this is just crushing.
Anyway I see your post and I think, you’ve probably been doing this a while, I’ve seen on other posts that you like chocolate, perhaps you have also encountered this issue and have found a Nutella replacement that’s actually good?
Help me Obi Wan.
I wish I could be sure to be of some genuine help here, as IBS seems to be one of those Every Person Their Own Test Tube things. I may get good mileage out of a strategy, but yours may seriously vary.
Re: chocolate: I don't seem to be bothered by it as such. It's the associated milk content that seems to cause me the most problems, so I watch the package labeling closely for that—and fortunately EU package labeling as regards allergens and triggers is, by and large, very good.
I've been using the Monash University FODMAP method of helping to control IBS, but am surprised to find that its associated app doesn't seem to say anything about Nutella. (Which strikes me as a bit weird, but I may be searching incorrectly.) ...Casa de Sante (which is a third-party site that sells "gut supplements") suggests that Nutella is low-FODMAP due to containing fairly low amounts of known triggers. So, all right, that's nice.... but I'll still take that assessment with a grain of salt, as these are people who want to sell you IBS-adjacent supplements.
Here's where things get complicated, though. I do occasionally have a little Nutella (or the non-branded version of it that we get from our local supplier of baking goods, Kells Wholemeal.) And because I carefully restrain myself, I haven't as yet had any problems, because I always take a lactase supplement—a.k.a. Lactaid or similar—along with them. Because lactase is (relatively) cheap, and spending two or three days swollen up and in pain from having gotten careless with myself is not.
As regards the branded stuff, though, there's a problem. European Nutella and US Nutella are not the same animal... and the US version of Nutella is apparently disquietingly cagey about its labeling. It's apparently difficult to tell whether the portion size of the Nutella you're ingesting has enough skimmed milk powder and/or whey in it to set your lactose intolerance off.
My advice to you would be this (and as usual, you know what advice that costs you nothing tends to be worth... But anyway): don't eat Nutella without taking a Lactaid or similar first. Two reasons: (a) To cover your butt. (b) To help act in establishing a basis for any further diagnostics you need to do. If you have some Nutella after having taken lactase, and still have internal trouble afterwards, then it's a fair bet something else in the stuff is triggering the IBS side rather than the lactose-intolerance side of the equation. That soy-based lecithin, for example. I'd be a bit suspicious about that. (Soy, unfortunately, is one of my own triggers. I can still have tofu, but only so, so carefully.)
...And then, after that, act accordingly to what you've discovered. One thing about my intolerance that I do know: it's come and gone without warning* over many years—sometimes receding into the background completely, suddenly getting much worse without apparent rhyme or reason. So an amount of lactose that once wouldn't have troubled you very much might now be one that you have to watch out for. Or else you simply exceeded what is now a wise portion-control amount for you when you got into those cookies.
(sigh) It's the imponderables associated with handling this problem from day to day that are the most annoying aspect of it. I'm not wild about the wariness with which I have to approach a lot of foods these days—not least because this is Ireland, and in this historically heavily-dairy-based culture, food processors will sneak milk into any damn thing without warning. :) But you do what you've gotta do to get by... which means that, outside of the house, I don't put anything in my mouth without having the lactase pills nearby.
Anyway: hope this helps!
*It also doesn't help that my earliest attacks happened before lactose intolerance was widely recognized as being a problem for a significant portion of the planet's population.
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ambrosiagoldfish · 4 months
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First time requesting anything sooo let me know if I get anything wrong but,,, could I request some dragon!reader x Venti (Genshin Impact) fluff ? Dragon in like... The way that Zhongli is with a dragon and a humanoid form. let me know if I should send another ask with anything additional,,
Draconic Inquiries
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Venti x Dragon! Reader
Safe for all Audiences!
Warnings: None! Just pure fluff and Gn! Reader!
Request Box: Open
Word count: 1634
A/N: Hi, thank you for the request! I’m sorry it took so long! There was a lot of hiccups that came up this past week, but I’m happy to finally have had gotten to finishing this!
I wasn’t sure if you wanted a Fluff Fic or head-canons so I did both! I would have asked you but I was already upset that it took this long to write, so I decided not to! I also wrote it to be romantic! I hope this is ok! If not, just shoot me another request and I’ll make you a new one!!
Proofread but of course I could have missed something.
He was first introduced to you via The Traveler, and right away he could tell something about you reminded him a lot of that "old block-head" as Venti so eloquently puts it. Of course, you weren’t anything like Zhongli, but there were some very similar aspects between the two of you at a more biological level.
It didn't take him long to figure it out though, despite his carefree and lovable nature, he is quite perceptive. He could tell from the power imitating from you, that you weren't some regular run of the mill Allogene. The power that you gave off wasn't exactly like his or even most of the other archons it was more… Pure? Something more undisturbed than most elemental beings.
Whatever you were, he wasn't sure if you were open about it, Him, being an Archon, would make him relate to you regarding hiding the truth about yourself, if that is the case. So he decided to ask you about it alone. You were a bit hesitant at first to outright admit it, especially to a person who seemed so interested. Being an Elemental beast, were able to sense an alarming amount of Anemo Energy coming from this short drunkard bard, way too much to just be some regular mortal.
When you finally reveal yourself to be a dragon, he's honestly pretty excited. He's only ever met 4 dragons in his 2600+ year life span, Zhongli, who was just annoyed by any questions he would ask, Dvalin, who, despite being one of his closest friends, is also annoyed by many of his drunken inquiries. Durin and Ursa the Drake tried destroying Mondstadt so they were definitely not an option... So he's been dying to ask a vishap some questions.
And Immediately they started
"Dragon's have hoards, right? Surely there has to be a teensy bit of fine wine there? No? Darn it..."
"Can you breathe fire?!"
"Is it true that dragon's are scared of mice? Eh... Wait! no! That's Elephants. Nevermind!"
It was quite a lot to process and answer them all in time before he went on to the next question. Eventually he seemed to run out of them, that or he saw how distressed you were trying to keep up.
"That's enough questions for today, Ehe! Next time we should have our conversation over a nice cold glass of cider!"
"Next time?"
Venti then, from that day forward, had the two of you meeting up more and more, He would bring the drinks, both Alcoholic and Non-Alcoholic, depending on if you drink or not. and every time, Venti would somehow come up with more and more questions about your heritage, nonstop rambling of questions that would go from dusk till dawn. He seemed to never run out of them. But eventually he would start asking questions that weren't about your Draconic lifestyle. Things like,
"So Y/n, have you ever dated anyone before?"
"Hey Yn! Have you heard that the Windblume Festival is coming soon? Ehe, What do you think the original windblume was? Cecilia? Great choice!"
"Have you ever been to Windrise? It's the place with the huge tree! Huh? eh, You haven't? I'll make sure to show you sometime"
The Windblume festival finally comes around, the whole of Mondstadt was in a fury of unending joy, there were games, foods and deserts, the entire of the city’s buildings were all decorated in many different flowers and ribbons. Dandelions soared through the air, each one carrying the wish of a soul in Mondstadt.
The Day was fantastic, but it seems Venti had more energy to spend after the day's festivities, Venti drags you by the hand through the decorated city streets, past the vendor's shops, and over the bridge, all while you were blindfolded. Of course, you were a little scared being led through all these places without even knowing where exactly you were, but your elemental sense was top notch, not to mention your regular senses at that. So you knew you weren't in any real danger.
"Venti, this is a bit dramatic, even for you"
"Eh he… very funny Y/n, but we're almost there! Just a few more steps and... There!"
The pulling of your hand suddenly stops and Venti’s hand lets go of yours, with one quick motion the blindfold obscuring your eyes was snatched clean off. It took a second for your eyes to adjust, the sun beginning to set but even then being blindfolded caused even the slightest of light to sting your eyes.
Looking up, a big tree hung over you both, lying under the tree, just by the roots, was a checkered red and white blanket layed across the viridescent grass, a seemingly warnout picnic basket layed atop it. From where you stood you could make out a plethora of food and drinks, Pie, Dandelion wine, Apples. You certainly knew there was more, you could tell just from your sense of smell.
But the most notable feature about the fairytale esq scene in front of you was Venti, holding something, a bouquet of Ceclia’s
"These are what you believe to be the original Windblume right? I picked them myself so, rest assured! They’re guaranteed to be the best of quality, ehe!"
"Y/n, the time we’ve spent together these past few months have meant the world to me... Since the moment you arrived in Mondstadt, you’ve been tangled up in every thought of my mind, you've become all I can think about, my one and only worry, my muse, my... everything... What I'm trying to say is, Y/n, I love you and if you feel the same, could you continue being my muse?" His arms stretch slightly to you, offering you the bouquet in his hand.
Everything about this, the scenery, the way he asked, down to the golden hour from the sun, it was all so unforgettable. Your hands slowly move to grasp the Cecilia’s, bringing them up to your face and smelling them.
“Nothing would make me happier, Venti”
Venti’s eyes lit up, blush washed his face as a soft breeze quickly caried him over to you as he practically tackled you into his embrace, the sudden forces causes you both to spin in each others arms, all while Venti’s heartfelt laugh drowns out all other sounds.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” His voice grew louder with the repetition as a gleeful smile plastered on his face. He reaches back from his embrace, quickly grabbing his lyre and giving it a few test strums.
“The day isn’t over yet! Allow me to serenade you with a song I’ve made especially for you, my muse.”
And with that, you both continued to laugh and sing throughout the night. The sounds of the feverish festivities of you both echoed through Windrise, your love that would last for eons to come, dancing across the wind.
You both truly, couldn’t be happier.
HEADCANONS
Venti always makes sure that he’s always there for you when you aren’t your best mentally or physically. He cudddles you when your sad, listens to you when you’re upset. Overall he may be a loud bard but he’s also a great listener!
And speaking of cuddles he LOVES them. Since youre a dragon, your body temperature is a lot higher than humans, so he loves the warmth close to him. And if you ever decide to cuddle while IN dragon form then he wouldn’t let you leave for a while. (I also headcanon that since he’s a wind spirit, his body temperature isn’t that high so he’s often a little cold, so an S/o with a high body temperature would be perfect for him)
Regardless of if you can fly or not in dragon form, he loves to go on walks with you, and by “walks” I mean YOU do the walking and he just sits on your back. If you CAN fly than he’d be less of a koala and actually fly with you.
(You may have scared a few of the locals but love is love)
If there’s ever a time that you have to fight, either to protect him, yourself or something else, he will always have your back. Of course, him being a Wind Spirit and an Archon he has at least some power but after losing his Gnosis and him being demoted to the least powerful archon, he’s not incredibly strong. But you being a dragon seems to make up for his lack of power. The times you’ve saved him from some lowly fatuus trying to ambush him, he really couldn’t be more thankful.
He’s really into PDA (no surprise there) so kisses, handholding, etc are all commonplace. He's also always bringing you gifts like food. He’s not much of a baker, but he’d try to make anything for you that you’d want. (Just uh… don’t expect it to be anything spectacular)
Gifts he likes are Cider (obvi) and of course, Apples! You’d get him the finest of wines, (that’s totally not from your dragon hoard, because you are TOTALLY not that kind of dragon •-•^) and he would love them more each time.
He would eventually introduce you to Dvailn (it’s his best bud so it’s a given you’d meet him eventually) and Zhongli who he thought you two might have something in common with.
Overall, having a dragon S/o is one of the best things to happen to him (Tied only with that time Diluc accidentally left his wine cellar unlocked) He’s always wanting to learn more about you and loves spending time with you!
117 notes · View notes
lizhrs · 1 year
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Could you do a high school bullies version with Levi, Eren, or Jean pls?
a/n: I was going to make high school bully levi but the thought of captain levi being an immature tyrant towards poor cadet y/n was too good to ignore so my bad
warnings: non/dubcon, bullying, physical abuse
EREN + JEAN
They rule the school halls. Everyone sees them as the perfect duo. Guys try desperately to be them, girls want to be under them and even teachers will do anything to appease them.
It's nauseating, the contrast of how everyone views them versus how you see them. The way you know they are. They're not godly saints, or this generation's future with their good looks and charms. No they're something that follows you constantly, haunts you and pushes you to limits you didn't even know existed.
They're tyrants.
Always pushing and pulling and dragging you every which way like a rag doll. Knocking you into the walls, stealing your lunch money and homework like a bunch of children. Standing over you every chance they get, like they're entitled to every aspect of your life.
Take now for example, Eren is leaning against your shoulder, hands clenching the back of your chair as he stares at your phone.
You're usually more aware of your surroundings, unfortunately due to the many years of hell he and lackey have put you through but you were too engrossed in your texting to hear his booming footsteps making their way towards you. "Who are you texting?" He asks causally, hot air hitting your shoulder.
Your fingers clench around your small device, remembering the last time he saw something on your phone he didn't like, how he smashed the small object into a million pieces. It took you nearly a year to save up money for a new one. "No one."
He's taking it out of your hand before you can stop it, not that you had the guts to anyway. "You're going to a party tonight?" He hums, shamelessly reading your messages. "That's very new of you." He smirks.
"Give it back." You mutter, hating how weak you sound.
"How can you do my homework if you're gonna spend the night partying like a loose slut?"
Your cringe at the words. "I have the entire weekend to do it..."
He stares into you, those strikingly icy eyes that have been the cause of too many nightmares to count digging into your soul. "I should go with you, just to keep you on your feet."
"W-what? No!"
It's your friend's party. He graduated a few months ago and invited you to a college kegger and usually you would've said no but after the horrible week you've been through, getting drunk was a great way to start your weekend. It's out of town so you would've been away from Eren for a few hours which is all you can ask for.
"I don't remember asking." He's typing. Probably texting himself the address on your phone like the prick he is.
You grab the device before you can think, snatching it away. "You're not going, don't you harass me enough?" You grab your bag, quickly walking away from the table before he can make you regret your actions but of course you don't make it very far.
You slam into a chest and the way hair instantly rises on your skin tells you immediately who it is. Your hands dig into the strap of your backpack as you slowly look up, Jean's taunting eyes stare back at you. "Are you already running away from us babe?" He coos. "The day has just ended."
Of course, you should've known. They spent the entire school day ignoring you, a usual sign they're going to make up for it once that final bell rings. You should've just ran home instead of cooping up in this library.
"J-just let me—" Fingers are grabbing your hair from behind, yanking and pushing you into the wall. You wince as your shoulder hits it, hoping the librarian will come back from her break soon...not that she would do anything to help.
"You don't tell us what to do y/n. You should know this by now." Eren smiles as Jean slings an arm around his shoulder, both laughing as if this situation is hysterical.
"I-I'll do your homework Eren, just let me—"
He rolls his eyes. In front of you in a flash as he pushes his knee between your thighs. Your eyes widen at his brazen actions, instantly squirming to get out of his grip. He's been brass before, touching and teasing you as he pleases but you never get used to it. You doubt it's something anyone can really get used to. His palm rests on the space next to your head, breath fanning over your lips due to how close he is.
"You talk way too much." His finger slowly trails down your cheek before softly gripping your chin. You crane your neck to the side, cringing at his callous fingers touching you, digging into your uniform.
Jean's closer too, hands in his pocket as he watches the scene in front of him, always having that mischievous grin on his face whenever Eren plays with their favorite toy.
It's sickening.
"You can do that later pretty, right now we need your full attention." Jean whispers in your ear. "Can you do that for us?"
They follow you home.
Both walk behind you like a pair of pesky mutts, laughing and talking to each other as they watch you grip your books to your chest, trying not to have a full blown panic attack as you get closer to where you live.
You reach the trailer in the next thirty seconds, swallowing a lump in your throat as you look back at them. "G-goodbye."
Jean laughs, throwing his head back. "You think we came all the way here just to leave?"
Your teeth dig into your cheek, tearing it a little bit. The pain is nothing compared to the knots twisting in your stomach right now. "W-what, you can't come in." You whisper, knowing it's futile.
No one would help even if you screamed bloody murder. Your trailer is inconveniently parked in a neighborhood that could care less about others, too busy trying to pay bills and not starve. And they know that. They know your mother won't be home until midnight due to picking up double shifts at the diner and even then, she could spend the night at her boyfriends. They know everything about you and it's frustrating.
"You can't come in." You say again, seeing the looks on their faces. You turn around, running towards the trailer and opening the door.
Eren is behind you just as you're about to slam it shut, palm slamming against the door as he pushes it open. "You are so dramatic." He rolls his eyes, stepping in.
He grimaces at the dirt on his palm."Jesus, y/n would it kill you to clean every once in a while?" He wipes the grim on your uniform, hands shamelessly touching your breasts.
You gasp, taking a step back. Jean walks in, closing the door behind him. He snorts as he looks around. "The inside is just as shitty as the outside."
They've walked you home numerous times, taunting and harassing you every second of the walk. But they've never gone inside of your house...the fact you're alone with these psychos is settling in, tears gathering in your eyes. "What do you guys want?"
"Can't we just hang out? We have been friends for years after all."
Friends.
The turmoil in your head and bruises littering your skin beg to differ.
"You have any food?" Jean is opening your fridge before you can say anything. Thankfully, it's empty. It would be worse if the asshole ate the scarce food your mother leaves every blue moon.
"How can you live like this y/n?" Eren asks, tsking at the stray gallon of milk in the fridge. "You should be happy you have us."
"Happy?" You scoff.
"Here we are, walking you home to this pigsty of a neighborhood so you don't get hurt and all you can do is stare at us like that." He feigns hurt, hand over his chest. "It really stings."
"You're delusional." You want to walk to your room, take a nap and forget about this horrible day but to turn your back on them for even a second is a disaster waiting to happen.
"When's the party starting?" Jean asks, sitting on a stool.
Of course he told him.
"I'm not going anymore. So you guys can leave now."
"Of course we're going. Our first party together." Eren plops down on the couch. "Come watch a movie with us, pet."
You roll your eyes but grudgingly walk over, fearing for what will happen if you refuse. You sit as far away from him as possible, nails digging into your thighs as he turns on the television.
Jean unexpectedly sits next to you, startling you as your shoulders touch. You quickly scoot away which just puts you closer to Eren. You're trapped.
"Didn't know you liked me so much?" Eren chuckles, swinging an arm around your shoulders, bringing you closer.
"Don't touch me!" You scream, voice shocking you more than them. Your palms are bleeding now, small cuts now visible. Your eyes widen, frantically shaking your head as you try and force out an apology.
But it's too late.
The patience he's uncharacteristically had for you all day has finally vanished as he grabs your chin, harshly forcing you to look into those dark eyes. His flip in personality is eerie, one minute a playful bully and the next resembling a full-blown sociopath.
"Why are you being so mean y/n?" He sighs, nails digging into your chin. You cry out, tears falling onto your thighs.
"I'm s-sorry." You hiccuped, shaking at the change in the atmosphere. Things always got worse when he was angry, even Jean couldn't control the brunette when he was in one of his fits and you couldn't handle that tonight.
"It's okay." He smiles, after a few seconds of silence. You blink through the tears, confusion evident in your eyes but his lips are on yours before you can question anything.
You gasp at the action, his hand softly resting against your throat as he pushes you back against the couch, lips devouring yours. What?
He's never...ever kissed you before. You can handle the insults and the hits and the unwanted touches but this is a whole new territory. You shake your head, attempting to get away but Jean holds your wrist down like the loyal pet he is. "Calm down, we're not going to hurt you." He says like that is any comfort with the way Eren's lips are trailing down your neck.
"Jean...please." You plead, trembling. You don't know why you did, maybe because a part of you knows he's not as brazen as Eren, as deranged. But he would still do anything the other asked of him.
"Fuck, you're so hot when you beg." Eren pulls away, sharp canines grinning at the sight of you.
He's called you many things but that has certainly never been one of them.
His fingers slowly go under your skirt, eliciting another scream from you. “Stop Eren! You’re fucking crazy!”
He kneels down. “After everything you’ve done to me, this is the least you can offer me y/n.”
“Done to you? I haven’t done anything to you!”
“Of course you have.” His hand grips your thigh. “From fucking day one when I saw you on that playground with that pathetic tattered dress. You were so dirty, like a fucking dog and somehow.” He laughs mirthlessly. “Thought you were better than me.”
You sob as his fingers latch around the ribbon on your underwear, pulling and tearing the cheap fabric in half. “I never—never did that.” You cry, trying to kick him away.
“Of course you did.” He counters. “Smiling at everyone but me, being friendly with nearly every loser in our class but me. Acting as if I was some monster.”
“You are.” You grit through your teeth, glaring at him. “You’ve always been the pathetic one here Eren. You think you’re so much better than everyone when in reality you’re the worst of them all.” You sniff.
He hums, spreading your thighs apart and pulling you closer. “I am better than everyone, love.” Is all he says before a hot, eager tongue drags along your slit.
The severity of this situation dawns on you as more sobs leave your lips. You’re stuck in here with them with no one to care about your weak protests and screams. These bastards can do anything to you and no one cares.
“I hate you!” You kick and writhe and struggle but both of their strong hands hold you down.
This only seems to spur him on as he sucks at your sensitive clit, lapping up the mess he’s making of you. The shame is almost too much to handle as you drip onto the cushions, nails digging into the sofa as you try and hold in the noises that are begging to be let out.
He’s merciless. The pleasure is aggressive as he drinks you down like a mad man, stretching you open with his tongue as his finger thumbs at your clit. You couldn’t help as your hips followed the movement of his tongue, lifting up and down the couch as you tried to contain the shameful pleasure brimming inside of you. He was finding new places to abuse, places you’ve never even thought of touching and it was driving you insane.
“Eren…” You moan, instantly biting down on your tongue.
He laughs, pulling away only to replace his tongue with two fingers. “Ah!” You arch your head into the sofa as he curls them, coating them in slick. He scissors them inside of you all while his thumb is rubbing harshly against your clit. It’s too much, your body reacting to his ministrations no matter how much you don’t want it to. The aching fire in your core grows and grows until you’re heaving, tears streaming down your cheeks and it’s not long until you’re releasing all over his fingers and onto the cushions.
He pulls away, standing up as he looks down at his fingers, a malicious grin on his face. “You’re so fucking cute.” He whispers, staring at you with a look you’ve never seen in those eyes before. Like you’re a priceless treasure, like you’re his. He looks completely infatuated, obsessed.
You cringe as he brings the fingers closer to your face. “Lick it off.”
You furrow your eyebrows, “Fuck you.” The tears are still falling and you wonder how long until you pass out from the amount of crying you’ve been doing all day.
He rolls his eyes, forcing his fingers into your mouth and making you taste yourself. You cringe, instantly pulling away. “Get off!”
He stares at you like this is a simple tantrum and you need to be disciplined, like he didn’t just assault you. He’s about to say something but the ringing of his phone thankfully saves him. He sighs, staring at the device before groaning and walking away. “I’ll be back.” He disappears down the hallway.
Further inside your house.
You sniff, wiping the tears away and closing your legs. You can barely breathe. Jean finally speaks up, voice sounding like nails on a board. “It was probably important. To have him run off like that.” He says casually.
You don’t say anything. Eyes staring at nothing as you try and process what just happened…what will probably happen next. “Why are you doing this to me…” You whisper.
Jean is silent for a minute before sighing. “Because Eren always gets what he wants. And he’s wanted you for a long time.” He doesn’t sound all too happy about those supposed facts.
You clench your jaw. You’re expected to believe all these years of bullying was due to you never returning Eren’s feelings? Feelings he never made clear in the first place. You were terrified of him when you saw the other for the first time. He was brash and rude and loud, everything you hated and even then you tried to be friendly with him, no matter how insincere you were. Why is he acting like you kicked sand in his lunch box?
“I hate you both.” You grit through teeth. You ponder if you can run out the door fast enough but even then…they would find you the next day and the punishment would probably be worse.
“You seemed to be enjoying that.”
“Fuck off.”
Jean gets closer, tilting his head to get a better view of you. “You say you hate him but it didn’t seem like that. It never seemed like that.”
“W-what?”
“You were always attracted to him, weren’t you? Just too afraid to ever do something about it…you’ve never looked at me the way you look at him.” He mutters, like you’ve done him some great injustice. “Not even once.”
“Don’t worry, I hate you both equally.” You finally muster the words up. Especially after tonight.
Jean huffs as he grabs your wrist to which you immediately pull away as if he burned you and the action is enough to have clenching his jaw, eyes darkening. “I’ve been so patient.” He murmurs, the words almost sounding like a plea.
“So patient with you and him but he…” He runs his fingers through his hair. “He wasn’t supposed to do that. At least not yet.”
You back away, trying to stand on your shaking legs but he grabs you. “It was supposed to be me. It’s supposed to be only me who gets to make you feel that way y/n.” He stands up, hands clenched into fists.
“You were supposed to be mine only.”
The words only make you nauseous. You were wrong, they’re both equally insane, equally deranged. You need to get out of here, need to go to the police and have them both locked up for their sick perversions.
Footsteps have you both tensing up, slowly looking towards the hallway to see Eren coming back. He laughs, shoulders shaking as he walks over. He doesn’t look angry but then again, he can switch his emotions in a second.
Jean looks almost scared, not bothering to say anything even as Eren mockingly pinches his cheek. “Jean, don’t be so selfish.” He puts an arm around his shoulder, leering at you. Both looking like sick predators.
“We can always share her.”
LEVI
Life in the Survey Corps is disastrous enough without constant berating and belittling from someone who's supposed to be encouraging you.
And if not encouragement, then at least not outright bullying from the Captain.
You don't know what it is but from day one, he's held a strong sense of...well you don't want to say hatred but as the weeks go by of your training, it seems like he would rather have you six feet under than learning from him.
From the moment he saw your expensive clothing and fancy shoes, he had decided then and there you were a no good rich girl who only wanted to join because of some half assed rebellion you were having. And that pissed you off. You didn't join because you wanted to rebel against your parents nor because of guilt of having more luxurious amenities than your fellow cadets. You wanted to fight for your home and people.
But he had made up his mind about you and well fine, you could live with him not respecting you but to go out of his way every time his demeaning eyes landed on you was proving to be too much.
Take now for example.
Back in your prestigious academy, you were top of your class, being graced with renowned resources that your fellow Outer Wall cadets have never even heard of but here it seems you were a fish out of water. Especially with him staring at you like you were nothing but dirt under his shoes.
To be skilled at 3DMG you needed flexibility, a sense of determination. Boldness you simply don't have when Levi is standing a few feet away from you, already having made up his mind that you suck at this before you even get into the gear.
But it seems he was right as you struggle to remember the demonstrations shown to you just a few minutes ago. You kick and lash and thrash around but your limbs never find the hold they're looking for. It's fucking embarrassing, made even worse as yells from the crowd now formed around you increase. "Center your core!" Krista yells, trying to help but only making the humiliation worse.
You're upside down now, panting as you try to catch your breath. It's pointless. You groan, what is he even doing here? Since when does he train the students in 3DMG? You bite your tongue at the fact the reason he suddenly decided he wasn't above this is because he knew it would be your first day on this field and he couldn't pass up an opportunity to see you fail.
How did she even get into this Rank?
She's bringing us down.
Her daddy probably paid someone off.
You can hear all different kinds of demeaning whispers from the crowd, from people who are supposed to be your comrades. Levi finally speaks, taking a break from staring at you with that blank expression that you just know is hiding a look of disgust. "Everyone back inside." He demands, arms crossed over his chest.
"But we're not done yet!" Ymir scoffs, glaring at you.
"We are if I say we are." He tsks. "Annoying brat." He mutters under his breath before walking over to you.
It's hard to get away when you're stuck upside down but that doesn't stop the hairs from rising on your skin, anxiety threatening to eat away at you as he walks closer and your comrades walk away. Leaving you fully in his mercy.
Just fucking great.
He's dropping you from the gear in a flash and you ungracefully land on your hands and knees, winching at the hard contact you make with the grass underneath you. You quickly stand up, not wanting to give him the satisfaction but you can already see the corner of his lip twitching.
"You are truly a disgrace, y/n." He mutters.
You say nothing, knowing it will only make matters worse as he stares at you. You ignore the dread in your stomach as he stalks around you, "How can you expect to go out into the real world when you're this pathetic?"
You clench your jaw. "Others did worse than me!" You burst out before you can stop yourself, hands clenching tightly.
He walks back in front of you, raising an eyebrow at your childish outburst as if bullying a cadet isn't the mere definition of immature.
"Why do you only ever have an issue with me? It's annoying." You should've stopped from the second you exploded at him but like always, he just infuriates you too much. "You knew I wouldn't be ready after twisting my ankle the other day but you still made me do this, I know you enjoy torturing me but—" A shriek escapes your lips as his fingers suddenly grip your hair, tightening around the strands as he pulls.
"You think too highly of yourself. I am not bullying you, you insolent little brat. I am making sure you don't get my cadets killed because you were too weak to fight because of what, a twisted ankle? His laugh sends a shiver down your spine. "Soldiers have lost limbs and you're complaining about your stupid fucking ankle?" He throws you on the ground and before you can collect yourself, his foot is hovering over your ankle.
Your eyes widen but before you can even let a word out, he's stepping on it. You quickly bite your lip, holding the scream that's threatening to leave your mouth and embarrass you even further. Fuck, it hurts.
He twists his foot, applying more unbearable pressure to your injured ankle. "Does it hurt?" He sneers. "You know what hurts more? Being torn apart by drooling freaks."
Your nails dig into the dirt, lip tearing from you refusing to cry out. But he presses and twists his foot, until you’re shaking, until a small cry escapes your lips. Until he wins.
"Stop!" You scream after your defeat, struggling to get away from his hold.
He scoffs, finally relenting. "Go muck out the stables."
Despite the burning hatred deep in your guts and the aching pain in your ankle, you're fine. You don't considering mucking out the stables a punishment despite that being his intention.
You love seeing the horses, it's the only silver lining in this dark path you've chosen for yourself. You smile as large, dark eyes blink at you once you get closer to the stables, taking in the sheer beauty. Back home, riding horses would always be your favorite hobby.
It was the one time a day you felt happy, free from all the stress and responsibilities your parents put on you.
You run your hands along his blonde hair, taking in how elegant and striking he looks. For a second, you ponder taking a saddle and riding him. It would be just like old times and heavens knows you need it. Before you can entertain the thought even more, you hear footsteps behind you.
You tense, fearing it's Levi but you let out a sigh of relief as Armin walks up. He's holding an apple and for a second you think it's for the horse but he hands it to you. You blink down at the fruit. "Thanks?" You mumble as you take it.
"We both know he won't be letting you eat tonight."
Your eyes widen, already knowing who the he is. "How'd you know?"
He chuckles, awkwardly scratching his neck. "I'm an observant guy and well Captain Levi doesn't really seem to like you. Well he never likes the new recruits but he seems to really...have an issue with you." His cheeks are blushing furiously with every word that comes out of his mouth.
"And I've noticed sometimes he takes your meals away when you mess up during training which is..."
"A lot?" You scoff, rolling your eyes.
He quickly shakes his head. "No, I wasn't going to say that!"
"It's okay." You sigh. "I know I suck but I'm improving! But he acts like I'm the worst freaking cadet and it's so freaking annoying." You groan, hand clenching around the apple. "I mean, would it kill him to say great job once in a while or at least not look at me like I'm worse than the damn Titans?!"
Armin seems to be pitying you as he pats your back, a comfort he seems to immediately regret as he yanks his hand away like he's just been burned. "S-sorry!" He gasps, taking a step back.
You laugh, "I'm not contaminated, Armin."
"I know....obviously you're not! It's just...well..."
You raise an eyebrow, realization slowly dawning on you. Back in Mitras, you were quite popular—a stark contrast to your life here. And with popularity comes the pack of lovesick boys who just have to profess their crush for you. And every single one of them had the same look that's currently resided on Armin's face right now.
"Armin." You start, doing nothing to stop the shameless smile now forming on your face. "Do you have a crush on me?"
It seems that was the absolute worst question to ask. His breath hitches, frantically shaking his head. "What?" He wheezes. "Where did you get that idea from? I don't—I—"
You stifle a laugh, walking closer to him. "It's okay." You try to reassure him. "You're cute." It's a shameless and pathetic attempt at flirting but it's not like you have many romantic options here. Half the boys in your class are useless and the other male population you're even allowed to interact with are off fighting Titans. And it's not like you can bat your eyelashes at your superiors.
"I am?" He raises an eyebrow.
"Yeah." You smile, walking over to where the saddles are, knowing it's a bad idea but still placing it on the horse. You're going to get punished tomorrow anyways for whatever Levi deems is unfit so might as well actually have some fun before the asshole comes. "Do you want to join me for a ride?"
"Uhm...yes?" He chokes, watching as you lead the horse further out of the stables.
You straddle him, looking down at the blonde. Armin looks like he's about to pass out, cheeks a dangerous shade of red as he tries to muster up some words. He's seconds away from taking your hand and getting on the horse but the sound of footsteps have you both freezing in your place.
All the color drains from your face as you look up to see Levi standing there, “Stealing Survey Corps property is a crime.”
You get down from the horse, throat dry. “I wasn’t stealing.” Is all you can say. Armin is right besides you, about to come to your honor but the Captain waves his hand. “Leave Arlert.” He says, sounding almost bored but you can see the fury in his face. No matter how hard he tries to hide it.
Armin looks over at you, obviously not wanting to leave you in the mercy of the man everyone in this damn city fears but it’s pointless. When Levi gives an order, you obey.
He slowly retreats, head cast down as he starts walking away. “Don’t be too hard on her.” Is all he squeaks before leaving.
His eyes burn into your skin and you conveniently ignore his gaze, keeping your head down. You hope this tantrum will be a fast one, you don’t have it in you to deal with another discipline so fast. You weren’t going to steal a fucking horse if that much wasn’t obvious enough but he could care less about sensible facts whenever it comes to you.
“Instead of taking responsibility for your thievery, you make excuses.” He walks closer, arms clasped behind his back. “You can’t fight, can’t use the gear correctly, and now a liar and a thief. Not to mention acting like a whore around your comrades.”
You ears perk up at that last comment. “Excuse me?” You glare into his eyes.
“Was that how it worked for you back then? You would bat those eyelashes and everything would fall into your lap?” He sneers.
“You don’t know anything about me.”
“I know you’re a brat. A spoiled one at that.”
“And what about you?” You ask, not caring at how rude you sound. “You’re always spewing insults at me when you’re the worst of them all. Harassing a innocent cadet who’s just trying—”
“You’re barely a cadet.” He snorts.
“And you’re nothing but a bully!”
His infamous agility is used before your own eyes as his fingers wrap around your throat, pushing you against the wall. “Clean the fucking stables, that’s all you had to do. But instead you decide to disobey me and run off with fucking Arlert and now you’re insulting me? Do you want to get kicked out, huh brat?”
Scrambling to get away from his punishing grip on your throat, your nails dig into his hands. It’s quick, how easy it is to be on the brink of passing out. He knows exactly what correct pressure point to press as he squeezes. You gasp out, practically clawing at his knuckles now. “L-luh-let go!” You manage to get out.
Black dots form in your vision and despite all the struggling, it’s useless to win against this brute. “Levi!” You cry out and it seems the gears in his head finally start working again as he lets go.
He steps back, letting out an annoyed sigh as he stretches his fingers. You fall onto your knees, heaving onto the ground.
“You’re infuriating.” He says more to himself. “Why can’t you ever listen? From day one I told you that you didn’t belong here.”
“But instead you pay no attention to my words. Instead you stay and drive me fucking insane. Instead you flirt with everyone who has a pair of balls in this fucking place.”
You stand up, palm on the wall for support as you rub your aching throat. For a minute you’re too scared to talk, for how he’ll react and for the sound that will come out of your mouth but then you remember that frankly you don’t give a shit. “I wasn’t flirting, you asshole! I was having a simple conversation with a friend, something I know you aren’t familiar with but doesn’t mean you have to take your anger out on me.”
He just stands there, jaw clenched as you’re forced to stare into depths of blue-gray. They’re chilling, the way he looks at you. It’s always enough to have you second guess your actions, have goosebumps forming and your legs shaking.
He’s moving closer, terrifyingly so and there’s no way to run. You’re stuck between him and the wall, your body hitting it with a loud thud. Your nails scrape against the wall. “Why do you even care who I talk to? I’m trying to get better. I’m training day and night and a little nudge in the right direction wouldn’t hurt every once in a while but all you ever do is belittle me. It’s so—”
“So what?”
“Mean.”
His eyebrows furrow, eyes looking sharp enough to murder someone as he responds. “I’m not mean.” He replies, as if that’s the worst thing you could’ve possibly said to him.
As if he hasn’t been the one tormenting you since the day you met. “You’re just spoiled.” He says like it’s the simple truth. “Never went a day without someone caring for you, doing everything for you. No one has probably even raised their voice at you.”
You bite your lip, hating the way those are true. Why should you be ashamed of that? You were cared for as a child, it’s not something that should be used against you but the way Levi talks, it makes you feel like you’re nothing but a spoiled baby.
“I’m not mean. You’re just weak.”
You refuse to let the tears form, instead letting out a shaky sigh. “At least I’m trying to get better. To fight for my people. At least I’m not an old man attacking—”
“No, you’re just a shameless whore.”
Your mouth gapes open, landing a singular punch on his chest without thinking twice. You should regret it…you think you already do the second your fist makes contact with him. You’re already ready to bolt out of there but he’s grabbing you by the wrist. Stopping you in your tracks.
It’s not as harsh as it could’ve been. His fingers just stay there, wrapped around you.
“Why do you care who I interact with?” You ponder aloud, snatching your hand away from his hold. Is he really not going to retaliate for that punch?
“I don’t want you distracting my cadets.” He answers, eerily calm. It’s a bullshit excuse and you can see right through it.
“By being friendly?” You scoff, ready to accuse him of being an idiot but you stop in your tracks. “Would you rather it was you I batted my eyelashes at Captain?” You don’t know where the bravery came from. You’ve said countless questionable things to the Captain but never something as…suggestive as that.
Why else would he care so much? The bullying part yeah whatever he thinks you’re useless and spineless but why the hell should he care if you’re flirting with someone? Unless the old man has some weird crush on you.
It’s a ludicrous thought.
But you know it’ll piss him off. And that’s enough to act on it.
He grabs your chin in a flash and you’re already preparing yourself for the hit that’s going to come but nothing happens. Instead he just stands there, softly holding you as he tilts his head. Were you actually right??
His lips hover over your jaw and cheeks, never touching but you can feel his breath on your skin. Your pulse is pounding, heart hammering to the point you can’t hear anything. What is he playing at? You gulp, shivering a bit as his lips ghost over your ear. You wait anxiously for his next words, not liking the way you’re not entirely disgusted by his touch.
“One week of stable duty for your attempt at burglary, brat. Another for hitting a superior.”
He pulls away but only slightly, he stares like he’s eager to see the reaction you’re going to give. You’re in utter disbelief at the audacity of this bastard but to give him a visible reaction after he’s been torturing you all day is not on your to do list. “You keep abusing your power and I’ll have no choice but to go to the Commander.” You try to sound hardened but he’s left you a breathless mess.
He backs away, smiling at you. “One more week for backtalk.”
“That wasn’t backtalk!”
“Another week for more backtalk.”
You scream, hands clenched into fists as you try to not say a word.
He’ll always find a way to get the reaction he wants out of you, like it is some depraved need. “Screw you.”
He rolls his eyes. “Get back to work. And no more flirting with the comrades.” He walks away.
You stare daggers at his retreating form, wanting nothing more than to chuck the horse shit at him.
But despite the rage that’s seconds away from exploding inside of you, the thought of his fingers wrapped around your chin come back to haunt you, how his lips were inches away from making contact with you. How you weren’t pushing him away, disgusted with his actions. You don’t understand why you were so paralyzed.
It angers you more than anything the Captain has ever done.
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demaparbat-hp · 3 months
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Even if zuko has a plan to end the war, making katara work amongst people who likely hold racism towards her and aided and supported the genocide of her people is still weird, especially since zuko benefits from the fire nations oppression of people throughout s1 when hunting the Avatar. Not good choices to make in a zutara au :/
Believe me, I've made these arguments against myself over and over again.
I know I'm putting Katara in an extremely difficult and unjust position in this AU with—from an outsider's point of view—little to no reason other than "I just wanted to see her in Fire Nation armor and kicking ass" and no consideration for the context. I'm not trying to somehow forgive nor redeem the Fire Nation's actions in war just because...well...just because. Not at all. People who've read Soundless (or any other of my wips, really) know that's not the case. On the contrary—I always do my best to see the war through a realistic, mature lense. And that includes everything that makes the Fire Nation so terrible in the first place.
That being said, there are some things I considered when deciding to make Katara side with them (even if her true motives lie elsewhere) in this AU. And they are not excuses. Just, different layers of context.
First of all, she was desperate. By this point in her life, her mother was dead, her father had left to fight the war, her brother followed behind a few years after, and she was left filling the empty spaces when, by all means, she wasn't ready for the responsibility. She had been feeling helpless and hopeless for years, and ached to do anything to help her people beyond doing chores and taking care for the children.
Let it be known that Aang's apparent betrayal comes from a place of trauma and misplaced anger on Katara's part. Much like how she put the Fire Nation's sins on Zuko's shoulders in S3. She is not on the right here, but this is her natural way to process and understand grief. There are many different aspects of her development as a child involved in how she views the Avatar—and, by extension, Aang—but more on this later.
Katara was young, and reckless, and she had just been "betrayed" by the first person who ever looked at her and saw more than the perfect caretaker she was forced to be. She was not in the right state of mind to make a decision like that and, to be honest, she couldn't have predicted the consequences. She saw a clear path to contribute to the end of the war, and by La she would take it.
On Zuko's end, you might argue that he should have known better than to let her join him and, well, you would be right. But there were many things about Katara's trauma response and state of mind that—unless he had known her for a long time—he couldn't have known. He will definitely blame himself later on, when the racism and cruelty towards Katara begins, and especially when word reaches her family at sea.
It's Katara's job to smack some sense into him from time to time and tell him that, yes, he should have tried harder to stop her (and she would probably be better off because of it) but what's done is done. And, by all means, the decision was hers to make. If anything, it's their fault, not his alone.
Now, Katara doesn't suffer the entire AU. That would just be cruel.
Zuko's crew was handpicked by Uncle Iroh, so you can expect dissidents, traitors and a few White Lotus agents who were smart enough to keep their true opinions quiet. There are...mixed opinions in that bunch, of course, but that's expected and, to be honest, rather easily dealt with. They are mostly honourable people just doing their best to end the war from the inside.
The real problem comes when they cross paths with, say, Zhao's fleet (or Hakoda's, let's be real).
And you may ask why Zuko is hunting down Aang, then, if he's secretly a goody-two-shoes himself... I'll explain that later in depth, so stay tuned.
In short, I know the decisions I've made, as a creator, are debatable at best, and downright blasfemous at worst. But they're deliberate.
I want the readers to feel conflicted about Katara's choices in this AU. I want people to have mixed opinions about the war, the (apparent lack of) morality, the characters, you name it!
I'm not trying to glorify a victim of war joining the side of the ones responsible for her people's genocide, even if it's just for show and she's actually set on destroying their government from within. Not at all.
Katara made a stupid, horrible decision, and she's going to suffer the consequences. But she's also going to fight to reach her goals, because she's stubborn like that.
I know most people may have a little trouble understanding where I'm coming from, because they don't have all the information necessary to make a full opinion.
I'm really thankful for these kind of asks. They let me explore these concepts and AUs in depth, and see what you think about them. I'm only human—my opinions are not infalible, nor The Right Ones, and this is a kind of discussion that I love to have.
So, keep the asks coming!!!
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Blah blah blah, massive jerking off motion, sugar daddy Colonel König with a f!reader!30 year old, established sugar baby doing it for a laff fic bullet point idea I've been bullshitting around with under the cut:
Again, bc y'all know me, this is just my fuckin oc dressed up as a reader but yknow what whatever. It’s my maladaptive daydream and I’m generalizing enough to share it.
You’re a doctor of organic chemistry, working in pharmaceutical forensics at a lab that largely deals with multinational jurisdiction drug offenses for various state agencies. The work pays pretty well, as it’s government scale, but it is dull and repetitive.
To get your kicks, you sugar baby casually on a semi-regular to regular basis. It suits you. You’ve never established a meaningful long term relationship, flings come easily to you, and older would-be romancers have always taken interest in you in ways that people from your own age bracket haven’t.
Sex or no, it all depends on who is approaching you, the decision ultimately yours.
And they don’t have to provide monetarily, no. You’re well established, more than that even. Once they understand that aspect of you, they shift their approach, and that’s when the fun starts.
Gifts, trips, concerts, dinners—whatever you want, all of it a discreet text away.
None of your entanglements last terribly long. You’re off-putting, in your way, your mannerisms, your directness. Most of your paramours find that it doesn’t click for them. If you’re having sex, it doesn’t matter how mind blowing it is—usually for your partner, though you’ve had the occasional winner—one way or another it ends. And you have been the one to end it, especially when you feel it growing strained and pointed toward what services you provide your temp partners. You’re no stranger to the sudden and surgical cut.
One such situation leads a Colonel to a spot at your feet.
One of the dudes who wandered into your carousel was Declan O’Conor, of KorTac. He’d been intrigued by your intensity at first, and the sex was some of the best he’d ever had, though you thought he lacked skills in foreplay. He was generally brusque however, and tended to ignore the trade of attention and gifts in favor of his desires, which left you cold and unimpressed.
gonna be real, i left off here like two days ago, and i'm 2 hours into my last work day before my weekend, so i'm not bothering with extra detail, we're wheelin' and dealin' now, lads.
a certain colonel gets a hold of your email through declan, a nanosecond before you dump declan's ass. the timing? immaculate. the colonel could not have done better. isn't he fucking lucky.
he's heard declan bragging about his new bird. she's smart, she's discreet, she fucks like a succubus. she doesn't even want money, or a relationship. shit, she doesn't even care if you're married or have kids, she wants no part of your real life. she just wants fun and stimulation.
well. ain't that just what the colonel is looking for, he lies to himself. könig is almost half convinced you're an escort dressed up as a woman looking for a good time, but what the fuck does he know. and from what he's gathered, the way people approach you is myriad, but you're picky as for how long things go on.
he's drowned at work, has no desire to go bar crawling or trying to pick up a dumbass hobby to try and meet someone, and he, if he's honest with himself, does not have the time to dedicate to an actual relationship, is mildly horrified at the idea of using an app to date, and is approaching his mid 40s. his work is too demanding, he travels too much, he's too burnt out. fun sounds fun.
he shoots off the email.
what he gets in return: "interesting that o'conor seems to be recommending me around, as that's not part of the agreement. but i'll meet you. tell me when you're next in berlin, and we'll set a date. should it cross your mind, bring me something interesting."
smth smth, time moves on, you end up meeting up with him for dinner. he insisted. he knew a place. you hoped like hell it wasn't some overblown officer's club. that shit was always dead boring and full of the most disgusting braggadocio you've heard in your life. testosterone beating off against testosterone, trying to find out which one nuts first.
but, nah. he hauls you to a korean bbq joint that's a real down and dirty hole in the wall, and immediately you're impressed. the food is amazing. it's quiet. he is ENORMOUS, but has an air of cinders about him.
you can tell he used to run off rage, almost solely. it must've burned down over the years, or his fuel had taken a hit that it could never recover from. he's tired. he's looking for ease.
he wears a gaiter covering the bottom half of his face and neck, and you find it curious as the dinner starts, your booth in the far back, away from prying eyes.
thought it was for your comfort. he'd already spoken of your discretion, that he was well aware, and interested in the same. his position in his org is high up, he works with sensitive info, his clearance is big time spooky. things you're familiar with from your own work.
he calls his work security, and you call your own science. it is enough.
he warns you about his facial scarring before the meal begins, giving you the choice to avoid seeing him eat, and you turn down that offer. "i can assure you that i've seen worse," you say, confident, unshaken at what he might be hiding. your history is a darkness, it runs deep, and ruin is not unfamiliar to you.
he seems pleased, or at least mollified, and pulls down the gaiter. the lower half of his face is a wreckage, almost at odds with the wheat colored curls - all shot through with silvery-gray - tied into a tail at the base of his skull, and the blue of his bag-bruised eyes. a botched cleft lip surgery, exposing big, fuck-around-find-out teeth in a scar that leaves him always snarling. rippling burn scars crawling up from his ravaged neck, pulling at the corner of his eye.
at least he will eat, if nothing else.
it is one of the rare times he will allow you to see this.
at the end of the meal, after some good conversation, dancing light around heavy realities, secrets that can't be told, you sit back and watch him with curiosity-heavy eyes, a contentedly full stomach, the foot of your crossed leg hovering in the air between you under the table.
he's pulled his gaiter back up, peeling euro bills off a fat clip he pulls from his pocket, dropping them on the table, overpaying the meal. perhaps the privacy. perhaps the server. perhaps the flash of it.
"i didn't forget," he laughs, voice still higher than you'd expected, but rasping and rough as gravel churning mud and blood.
"apologies. i'm impatient. it is my nature."
"hah. have that in common, then, hm?" he laughs, going for another pocket.
usually, you expect jewelry on the first date. it hasn't been uncommon with the people you run with. perhaps even technology. you were afforded an iphone 14 pro max a month before they'd even come out, but you'd held onto it and resold it later.
and this fascinating könig pulls out a box, as well. you almost feel your stomach sink. you'd been hoping...well. it doesn't matter what you'd hope. and maybe it was foolish to harbor a small, chittering desire that he'd be different, after the turns your conversations took.
he plunks it down on the table in front of you, rapping two long, powerful fingers on the plain lid. it's not even that impressive of packaging. oh, your stomach churns with impending disappointment. sometimes these men end up cheap. you steel yourself, falling into your resolve.
a fossilized horse tooth is what is presented to you when you open the package, as well as a business card for a fossil and crystal dealer. you catch sight of a beaded bracelet on his wrist, carnelians.
"didn't know what sort of science you're in, but figured i couldn't go wrong with a fossil. or a horse. you have horse girl energy."
he's smirking. you tip your head back and cackle, mind flooded with your years on your school's equitation team and the summers you spent trekking across continents with your grandmother by horseback.
the energy shifts perfectly, and you pull your head down, beaming at him. running the toe of your heels up his calf under the table, you roll the fossil-black tooth between your fingers, following the grooves, feeling the age. this horse would've been about nine when it died. not bad for a wild thing. most of them didn't find the miracles of old age.
"what gave it away? the posture?"
"oh ja. jawohl. it's the posture. even leaned back, sit like you're setting your ass in a saddle."
"mhm. sounds like you've done some riding yourself."
"when i was younger, yes. half-sway-backed plow nag, though. nothing so fancy as what people might picture, with the accent."
"not everyone can afford warmbloods, it is true."
you fold the tooth into your closed hand, silence falling comfortable between you. and here it is.
"i think we should find a place for the night, don't you?" you ask, and you can see his mouth pull into a smirk under the mask.
"hah. good thing i thought ahead then. i booked a room--some place nice. you'll like it." his confidence would be off-putting. it should be off-putting. but it isn't. it's almost a relief. it's definitely a turn on. he's not feeling out your approval, at least not visibly.
you were both looking for fun. and perhaps you've found it. at the very least, he is not treating this as a fight to be won. maybe he would not've been crushed or vitriolic if the night ended with nothing further, ever again. you don't know. you let him help you into your coat, and into a cab, and you find your flesh-ripping want yelling louder and louder with his arm draped casually across the back of the seat behind you.
and good christ, does can he fuck.
okidoke, i'm cutting this one here, sry. i will probably continue it more formally (? idk) later once i've worked on some other stuff, but i wanted to get this one out, yeehaw. hope u enjoyed!
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shayyprasad · 5 months
Text
weighing scale
tw: eating disorder (purging, not eating), bodyshaming, ed shaming
btw, if it's requested, i can turn drabbles into full oneshots!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you guys are beautiful the way you are, and nothing anybody ever says or does will ever change that. remember that gaining weight is totally normal, and you can always lose weight, too, but please, do it in a healthy way. if you ever need anyone to talk to, and this isn't just for eds, i'm here, and you can reach out. if not, there are people who care about you and love you.
you're amazing you beautiful mfs
(also i'm sorry if this might not be correct for you, everyone has different experiences with eds)
(also, also, i did 1st person ... and this is just the way i thought when i was going thru this so i kinda made it relate w/ me??)
100.
98.
96.
she watched as the numbers went down, satisfied despite the fact that it was only one pound less yesterday.
90.
88.
even if it meant that she'd always be cold, or that her hair would fall out. it was a small price to pay to be beautiful. to be skinny. to be like all the other girls that peter liked.
y/n kept telling herself that. and it was enough to keep her going.
{four weeks prior}
(first person)
they had little packets for us to take home, like forms. something along the lines of "annual health check-up." the form was just... well, it wasn't a form, really, but more of an opt-out. the paper said they'd just check weight, height, and some other things, like make sure you didn't have scoliosis.
honestly?
i was just happy to be missing a good chunk of math.
everyone got called down to the gym by period, and mine was 5th period, right before lunch.
our class was waiting for them to call us down, so mr. callen just let us do whatever until then. i glanced over to see liz, kayla, and chloe in the corner of the classroom, giggling and pointing towards some of the boys, and eventually, mr. callen.
he was one of the youngest members on faculty, fresh out of college. and i'll admit, he's not bad looking. in fact, he's hotter than most of the guys. and if it wasn't peter that had my heart, maybe i'd think about someone else.
not that the whole peter thing was going great anyways, he seemed interested in liz. so maybe that was my hint to move on. but i don't know. i've just liked him forever, it'd feel wrong to stop now.
i'm just really loyal, i guess.
or maybe this is some weird first love/crush thing, because no matter what, i keep finding myself coming back to him.
it took me second to realize that i'd been staring at the same spot for a while now, so i probably looked funny. i re-adjusted my position and looked at the clock, noting there there was just a few minutes until we'd have to go down.
i looked by at the girls, then at the teacher. did they not realize that he had an engagement ring on? or where they just dense?
because honestly, i'm having a hard time figuring out which one it is.
liz pushed chloe over to the desk, giggling like a manic.
chloe bit her lip, trying to hold in laughter. "hiiii, cal. you know, like, cupid's day is coming?"
me, personally, i didn't really believe in the whole dumb blonde thing, but chloe was changing my aspect on this.
cupid's day was on valentine's day, and you could pay a dollar to have a rose delivered to someone. normally, the freshmen girls did most of the planning. freshmen girls were annoying. they were always together, and i didn't remember a time i'd seen one alone.
i didn't get any on my first year here. last year i got three. but it didn't really count, because mj got me one and betty did. i was hoping that i'd figure out who the third person was, but three weeks into that investigation, i kinda gave up. if they hadn't revealed themselves to me at that point, i'd figured that they probably wouldn't.
maybe junior year will go better.
if you were popular popular, you got at least seven, so it was kind of embarrasing to only get one. and it was probably even more embarrasing to only have, like, one friend. which was betty. but she hadn't hung around me that often since she started dating ned.
mj was an observer, and i knew that much. it was probably the only reason she got me a rose, because she felt bad. but then again, anyone could see how pathetic it was.
peter and i used to be pretty close, but then he met ned, so the attention he gave me got halved.
i would have tried to be friends with ned, because i know he's really nice, but i stressed out too much about it for some reason and gave up. social anxiety, perhaps? it didn't matter, it was too late to do anything about it now.
after that, peter started hanging around liz and some of the other popular kids, and entirely forgot about me.
did forget about ned, though. maybe beacuse i was a girl, and so peter got called "gay" a lot for that. i didn't have much of a chance compared to liz, so i just admired him from afar. it's not that we didn't talk, because we did sometimes, but... actually, i don't know what.
if peter wanted to, he would have.
and it's fairly obvious, but i'm delusional and chose to ignore that.
the intercom snapped me out of whatever zoning out i'd gone back to, "block d, block d. i-is this on? oh, it is? i- yes, block d down to the gym."
everyone got up and pushed their way out the door, i didn't have that type of energy, so i just waited for everyone to get their butts outta the way and then went myself. i followed them down to the hall, staying behind a little. when i finally got over there, i ended up last, right behind chloe, kayla, then liz.
for the most part, it only took a minute or two for each person, so the line didn't take that long.
well, i suppose that's subjective.
it took 15 minutes, but whatever.
when liz was inside, she didn't take care to close the door all the way, leaving it a couple inches open. that's on her.
that's on her for being irresponsible, so it's not really my fault if i accidently hear. i leaned in a little, suddenly very interested in the wall, with all it's cracks... and... paint, and...
"and step on the scale, please... that is," she paused, and you could hear scribbling of a pen.
"121.3 pounds. perfectly healthy. that's actually the average weight for girls your age," another pause, "make sure to give this form to your parents. have a nice day."
liz said something in return and i stepped back, done admiring the wall. "next!" the lady called in.
i stepped inside the room, and it smelt strongly of hand-sanitizer. "okay, honey, step up against the wall... height is... alrightly. now the scale, please."
i did as she asked, keeping my eyes trained on the numbers.
149.7 pounds. basically 150. that was more than liz's, right?
"149, okay, you're good to go-"
"is that around average weight?" i asked, and it was impulsive, i didn't even think.
"well, it's somewhere around that. you're perfectly healthy."
the intercom came on again, signaling my time was over, and the lady thought the same thing, because she ushered me out.
as i walked back to the classroom, i couldn't help but think;
149? no, 150? around average? so basically, i was above average. 30 pounds heavier than liz? no wonder peter likes liz better.
god, that's disgusting. i'm disgusting.
i trudged back to class, unable to stop thinking about it. and suddenly, an idea popped into my mind; why not lose weight? if i lost a little, maybe peter would care about me again.
that's genius. god, i'm a genius.
yeah. i lose a little weight.
when i got back, he'd already started the lesson, not that i cared. i spent the rest of that class figuring out the kinks, like how many calories i'm allowed to eat per day.
i settled on 800.
it seemed like a decent number if i wanted to actually make an impact with weight loss.
stupid kale smoothies weren't gonna get me anywhere, nor idiotic influencer workout routines.
before i knew it, the bell rung and kids were hustling through the hallways. i was kind of on autopilot as i walked to lunch, not really watching where i was going. i'd by mistake shouldered some people, and they gave me dirty looks. i shot them right back.
i couldn't help but silently, in my mind, judge everyone's body that i saw. and not just their body, but other physical features, too. it was automatic, i didn't even mean to. but i couldn't help it.
she's really fat. the gym exists for a reason.
how is she so skinny? i know she's anorexic.
and it just went on and on.
i didn't know what was going on. why this mattered to me all of a sudden.
it was like i didn't notice these things before, i wasn't looking for them, but now that i knew they were there, i couldn't help it.
i couldn't help a lot of things.
when i walked into the lunchroom, i saw peter sitting by himself, writing on some piece of paper, and if i knew him, he wasn't doing the homework due tomorrow.
he was doing yesterday's.
it didn't seem like i'd be bothering him if i went to go talk to him, so that's what i did. i figured since we hadn't talked in while, it would be great to now.
and it'd be a great distraction, too.
i sat down across from him, "hi, peter."
he looked up slowly, a smile rising on his face. "uh, hey, y/n/n," peter paused, "what, um, what did you need?"
"huh? oh, i didn't need anything. just thought i'd come by and annoy the hell out of you."
"just like old times," peter snorted.
"math homework?"
"yep. i have math-"
"-next period," i realized my mistake after i made it. "um, 'cause i see you when i'm walking to class."
in repsonse, he nodded like he was considering it.
i didn't notice i was hungry until my stomach growled, but something inside of me made the thought of getting food and eating it repulsive. i hesitated before grabbing on of peter's fries and popping it in my mouth. he didn't say anything, or really even care, and i didn't know if i liked that or not.
"okay. you have chem next, yeah?"
i blushed at the fact he knew.
"uh, yep," i snagged some more fries, feeling myself loosen up.
and then i realized, that's what this was; i was just in need of some time with actual people who weren't my parents.
i liked this. i liked talking to peter. it was easy. this was easy.
we laughed about some other things, like flash's new donkey haircut.
and i stole more fries. ned, betty, and mj (who normally sat two seats away) came over. the topic of cupid's day came up.
"how many do you think you'll get?" betty asked.
i looked up, "roses?"
"uh-huh."
ned spoke up, "you won't need to worry, bet, i'll get you a whole bouquet." he looked proud of himself.
"i'm not worried," she giggled, like the lovesick fool she was. it was gross. and yes i admit, it was slightly because i was jealous, but whatever. betty didn't have to act so idiotic and desperate.
betty's skinny, too.
"what about you, y/n?" peter said, locking eyes with me.
"i dunno. i never really get any."
something changed in peter's expression, but as soon as it was there, it was gone.
i took another fry. they were really good, for some reason.
"fattie," peter laughed, pulling his lunch tray back, "and then you complain about not getting roses!"
that caused a round of laughs in the small group, but my heart dropped to my feet.
i was right. i was overweight. even peter noticed.
freaking peter noticed.
god, i was ugly and fat, and even peter saw that.
of course he liked liz. he'd be crazy not to. she was curvy and skinny and petite and pretty and skinny.
she was skinny.
i didn't have her hourglass figure.
never did i ever want out of my own skin more.
"y/n?" pete frowned. "i-i'm sorry, it was a joke, i didn't-"
"no, no, not that. i, uh, i... forgot i was supposed to meet with a teacher. sorry. i have to go."
i didn't go to any teachers.
i did go to the bathroom.
and i hid in the handicapped stall. i didn't cry, or sob, or weep or whatever it was stupid girls did in hallmark movies or stuff.
i stood in front of the mirror and picked out everything i hated, making a mental list in my head.
i didn't finish that list, not even after 30 minutes when the bell rung.
-
the rest of the day flew by rather quickly, it seemed. i felt like i was trapped in a warm haze, but not the fuzzy, happy warmth. i didn't like the way i was thinking. it's like i wanted my brain to turn off, these intruding, ugly thoughts were taking up too much room.
i felt icky.
when i got home, i didn't have my normal after-school snack like i usually did. i went straight upstairs and did homework.
i finished two essays (one that wasn't due until two weeks, and one that was due two days from now), my math homework and studied for my math test, started my science project, and did my french flashcards (and studied them a bit).
i must have been locked in my room for hours, because by the time i got up, it was dark outside.
i wasn't a studious person, and the only reason i did any of this was to forget for a little while. to snap out of it. and for a while, it worked.
"y/n, honey!" my mom screamed from downstairs, and as i glanced at the clock, i realized it was time to have dinner.
but i wasn't hungry.
well, i was.
let me rephrase that; i didn't want to eat.
however, i didn't want my mother yelling at me, so i went down anyways. not that i was planning to eat.
"mom?"
"oh, hey. i already set the table, you seemed like you were working hard and i didn't wanna bother you. dad's working late. go sit down-"
"not hungry."
she frowned. "well, you have to eat something."
"but i'm not hungry," i said, hating how sharply it came out.
my mom gave me warning look. "look, i've had a long day, so don't start with me."
"mommmm," i whined.
"sit."
so i did. i felt bad about bothering her.
i ate. small, tentative bites, forcing it all down. we didn't talk.
silently, i put my dish in the sink, before heading upstairs. the food sat at the bottom of my stomach, like a pile of heavy rocks. i wanted them out.
so i turned on the shower and locked the bathroom door, kneeling in front of the toilet. i pressed my fingers to the back of my throat and kept them there for a second. at first, all i got was bile.
but then i threw up.
-
peter and i started talking more again. i think he got in a fight with liz.
i asked him if they were dating, and he said no.
i think he started hanging out with me again because i got skinny. i know for a fact that i'm skinnier than liz. i weigh less then her now.
the numbers told me that.
but i didn't listen.
i didn't stop, and how could i? when i'd gotten this far?
-
we got in a fight. not the yelling kind, though. well, kind of. i yelled a bit.
i thought he was complimenting me. he said i looked skinny, so i thanked him.
"no... i-" he paused, trying to get his thoughts together, "you look skinny, yes, but not in a good way."
"what? what do you mean? like, there's only a good way," i laughed, slightly nervous.
peter ingnored that. "have you been eating enough, angel?" his voice was soft, but there was worry in it. why was he worried? this is the best i've ever been.
"do you ask liz that, too?"
"i- what?"
"liz is skinny. you don't ask her that."
"that- that is different. y-you haven't been eating, have you? is-"
"god, parker! stop! it's none of your business!" maybe if i hadn't been so flustered, i'd have come up with a better comeback.
-
i was hunched over the toilet, but nothing was coming out. everything hurt.
my head. my stomach.
my throat was scratchy and raw.
i didn't hear the knocking on the door.
i don't really remember peter coming in. i thought i locked it. what was he doing at my house? i couldn't remember.
i wanted to sleep.
i think i was crying. i don't know. i only vaguely remember the hot tears.
i slightly remember him pulling me away from the toilet and into his arms. there were lots of holes in my memory for that day.
he stayed with me, though. one thing i'm sure about is that peter never left my side. i can recall bright lights. tubes. i was laying on something. white walls. white sheets.
what was engraved into my head was peter whispering "i love you" over and over again. in the bathroom. in the car. was it a car? as they hooked me up to cables.
all that mattered, though, was that i was skinny now. just the thought made me feel light and airy.
to think that all it took was a little motivation and a weighing scale.
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Nuclear hot take on a possible motive for the Lund sisters. We know what they did (erase themselves from history) and we know they wanted to do it (they knew where they'd end up and were looking forward for Zigi to join them there eventually), but why?
It starts from the infamous "Luiga says that he and Kurvitz say that a certain forum post is is correct in positing that Dora is, somehow and to some degree, actually Dolores Dei herself". Specifically, the post says that there was a human Dora who was overtaken by something like an archetype and lost herself into being Dolores Dei.
As a secondary premise, it is possible that Noid was literally right when he suspected Dolores Dei in particular of being somehow not entirely human, an immortal of some kind: in the final dream, she mentions the something or something else of immortality, crown scepter and thingamajig that were "passed onto her by the rulers of late antiquity". She just might have already been around in Perikarnassis' time, before the isolas split. Like, separate from the Dora thing, the game tells us that Dolores Dei was chummy with the rulers of late antiquity, a good few thousand years before her historical relevance.
My impression is that this same... potential for being Dolores Dei... ...somehow... is shared by the Lund girls. Source:
similar if not outright same surname (after all, Jean lampshades twice that he's not sure about Ingerlund being Dora's surname, in a way that may hint at some upcoming twist),
the whole peaches of immortality detour (I'll leave the specifics to Estonian speakers but I'm told it's functionally the same as Dora's apricots, to the point that an older pdf had a stray "apricot" instead of peach)
and, most importantly, Zigi's omen of destruction as he meets Charlotte. She's flat out described as having footsteps that spelled the destruction of Iilmaraa, which just so happens to be where Perikarnassis was, bundled with its rulers of late antiquity (I can do the geographical conspiracy board on a separate post if anyone's interested).
I think that Dora meeting Harry and Charlotte meeting Zigi is the beginning of the same story, one that may have been repeating since antiquity if we take this literally as well. Harry and Zigi, too, famously share an archetype of sorts, by virtue of being overt, straightforward Kurvitz expys. We even have the same emphasis on their cool leather jackets. For the middle class girls, this contact outside their gilded world sparks change. But here is where their stories diverge: Dora eventually rejects this change and falls into the comfort of being bourgeoisie incarnate. The Lund sisters, on the other hand, emphatically go "fuck all y'all" and choose to annihilate themselves.
Sooo, based on these totally solid premises that aren't a stretch in any way whatsoever (source: my beautiful mind, also it was revealed to me in a dream, and also fayde dot co dot uk), here's the take:
By virtue of this parallel between them and Dora, I think it's... not completely impossible... that it was precisely this aspect of themselves that they tried to annihilate, maybe subconsciously. A potential they felt was so wrong that they tried to erase it from history entirely, just walking into the pale wouldn't have been enough, it needed to be scrubbed at its root.
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