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magics-neptunes-things · 5 months

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Lucky Charm

Hi guys!

A new one with Kyra Cooney-Cross, I got sweet request for her so here it is :)

Next one will be with Leah Williamson.

Enjoy!

TW : None

This dating app thing was the worst idea. Beth told you, Lia told you, Kyra told you. Even Leah told you it was bullshit. But, stubborn and a little desperate, you decided to give this guy a chance. Plot twist, you shouldn’t have.

Contrary to what you had imagined at first, this boy seems actually interested only in the idea of returning home with you. And not to play Fifa. The remarks he tried to slip were as subtle as Katie’s two-legged tackle.

When he left to go to the bathroom, you are quick to send a message in the Arsenal's WhatsApp group.

From You Next time I don’t listen to you, please hit me hard in the head.

From Lia 🇨🇭🍫 Is he that bad?

From You Yes.

From Leah ❤️🤍 On a scale of 1 to 10?

From You 10. I NEED to get out of there.

From Alessia 🧸 What can we do to help you? Wait I’m with Kyra, we call you in 5min and answer with the speaker xx

Surprise, you frown but answer a simple ok. Your date has returned from the bathroom and is picking up the talking where he left it. It’s hard for you to care, despite all your good will. You are the type to think that there is something good in everyone, but right now you are frankly struggling.

"You marked on your profile that you are interested in women and men, right?"

"Mhm" you answer simply, carrying your soon empty glass to your lips.

"Cool. You’re not against a threesome then?"

You almost choke in your glass to this question, but you are saved from having to answer by your phone which vibrates on the table. Despite the relief of seeing « Kyra 🦘 » appear on your screen, you try to look surprised.

“Hello?”

You pick up and put the speaker on, as Alessia asked.

“Y/N?” makes Kyra’s trembling voice.

“Yes? What’s up sweety pie?”

“He…He left me.”

You stick your hand on your mouth to simulate the surprise but it's mostly used to mask your fun. Even if Kyra plays the comedy pretty good, you’re sure that she and Alessia are having a great time.

“Oh my God… You want me to pick you up? No you know what, I’m coming!”

Without taking the time to hang up, you quickly gather your things and put on your coat apologizing to your date. Which has a bitter look displayed on the face.

“I’ll call you back?” he says while trying to grab your hand

“Yeah sur”

You don’t even look at him and hurry out of the restaurant, breathing the fresh and cold London's air. The mixed laughter of Alessia and Kyra can be hear from your phone, making you smile.

"Thank you" you say, removing the speaker and putting the phone on your ear.

"You are very welcome" answers Alessia between two laughs.

"Where are you? I'll come to get you" Kyra proposes.

You hesitate two seconds before accepting. Kyra is one of the reasons you’re desperately trying to find someone. Between your breakup a few months ago and your stupid crush on her, you’re having a hard time keeping your head straight. But you finally accept her proposal and you wait for her in a parallel street, not wishing to meet your rejected suitor.

Kyra joins you on foot, which doesn’t surprise you. She likes to walk and given your Icelandic origins, you don’t mind the cold. So it's walking, hands in pockets, that you take the direction of your apartment with small talk and laughs.

A small moment of silence settles after a joke exchanged, during which you look up to the sky to watch the snow fall.

“Why did you accept this date?” Kyra abruptly asks.

You shrug and bite your bottom lip. You don’t want to make stupid excuses. Kyra knows about your break up and about you trying to find someone. Your love life always make your teammates laugh and it's so catastrophic that you laugh with them. But she doesn't know about your crush on her. You know she isn't interested in you.

"You should be with someone who appreciates you for who you are" continues Kyra. "Not someone who just want to bang you one night and leave you the day after."

"What a langage. You spend way to much time with Leah"

Kyra roll her eyes and as you turn to the next street, you both are facing small wood house with cute decoration. Christmas spirit. You love it.

"Hello there" smile the old lady, working in the stand.

"Hello" you answer with a smile, already looking at her stuff.

"These are wristband lucky charms" she explains

"Interesting. Do you have one for someone who only attracts losers?"

You shoot a glare at Kyra who got closer to the stand with a smirk. She looks at you maliciously and suddenly her body is too close to yours for you to continue to look at her in this way. So you just shift your attention to the old woman who laughed.

"Lucky charms like that are called loved ones"

She winks at Kyra and if you could have observed her better, you would have noticed the redness of her cheeks. When she takes another step to see a little better what is on the displays, her body is so close to yours that you need a few seconds to realize that you have let yourself go against her.

But Kyra says nothing, caressing one of the lucky charms with the tip of her finger.

"I like this one" she whispers thoughtfully, before resuming in a more assured voice "I'll take it, please."

In a few seconds the transaction is completed and the Australian finds herself with a small bag and her lucky charm in her hand. You say goodbye the lady and resume your way back to your apartment.

The snow continues to fall and a new silence sets in, always without being unpleasant.

"And on top of that, it was with a guy" Kyra says, your date always seems to be on her mind.

You laugh when you see her disgusted look, rolling your eyes.

"It’s okay, they’re not that bad."

"Oh please stop talking, you will succeed in convincing me to change my sexuality" laughs Kyra with sarcasm.

"It’s not exactly like I have a choice anyway" you sigh softly.

A few seconds go by before Kyra answers you.

"You are wrong"

"What?"

Her voice is so low that you can’t understand what she’s saying. Sighing, Kyra stops and crosses her arms on her chest, standing straight in front of you.

"There are people who care about you, you know. For what you are. You just need to open your eyes."

Your eyebrows are frowned and you have trouble understanding what Kyra is getting at. You’re so lost, you didn’t even realize you got to the bottom of your building.

"Close your eyes and extend your arm"

Nothing makes sense in what’s happening, but you do as Kyra’s request. You find yourself shivering stupidly when you feel her fingers touch your hand when she passes the wristband she just bought around your wrist.

"Don’t" she whispers when she realizes you’re about to open your eyes.

You realize at this moment how close she is to you, you feel her breath against your face and the heat of her body radiate towards yours. You swallow hard, but you don’t move. Your legs have become so limp that you wouldn’t be able to anyway.

You have the impression of dreaming when Kyra puts her lips on yours during the first seconds, so light is the pressure. You quickly understand that it's to let you push her away if you do not want this kiss. But she is wrong to doubt.

You get as close to her as possible and that’s what she was waiting to presses her lips harder against yours. And you’re suddenly happy to feel her arms move around your waist, or you could quickly faint. What you’re going to say is probably related to the many love stories you’ve read in your life, but you feel like your lips were made for hers. The way they marry together is a sensation you’ve never experienced before.

It's Kyra who ends the kiss first. When your eyes reopen, they meet hers, inquisitors. Snowflakes have settled in her hair and the colors of the Christmas lights color her face when she speaks again.

"I do care about you. You have no idea how much I do."

#woso x reader #woso imagine #kyra cooney cross #kyra cooney cross x reader #kyra cooney-cross imagine

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zehiiro · 6 months

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I over analysed the Carol/Daryl promo vids

I'm back again with another over-analysis that no one asked for, but I'm really excited about this one, and I think you guys will love it, too.

Grab yourself a cup of tea because this might be a long one.

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These are the two vids I'll be breaking down and discussing:

Daryl's version on the right came out in August, but I didn't think much of his until I saw Carol's version on the left that came out this week. The puzzle pieces started to come together and a trend emerged.

Firstly, for context, below are the paintings at the start of each of their promo vids respectively:

Both these Paintings are by Gustave Dore. Carol's painting (left) is called The Angel Appearing to Balaam, and Daryl's (right) is called After the Shipwreck.

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Let's start with Daryl's After the Shipwreck.

This painting was made as an illustration of a poem called The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, published in 1875, specifically a scene set at the end of the poem where the Mariner loses his entire crew and is stranded and forced to navigate the seas alone for seven days and nights.

Parallel with Daryl, being taken away from his family/home, getting lost at sea, and being forced to navigate through France on his own, trying to find a way home.

The painting is of the moment the masts of the Mariner's ship disappear underwater, which can be seen in the water to the left.

Parallel with Daryl having to watch that boat that would take him home leave without him.

A pilot and his son see the Mariner in his lifeboat, but they assume he's dead. When the Mariner gets up and grabs the oars, the men think he must be a devil, because they don't believe any man could have survived that.

Parallel with Carol thinking Daryl is dead when she runs into a walker that looks just like him during a scene in 02x01 (according to a leaked script), and later finds out that he's alive and not being able to believe her eyes.

A dark figure is seen at the helm of the lifeboat, presumed to be the Holy Hermit, symbolising the misery awaiting the Mariner on shore.

Parallel with the struggles Daryl experiences in France and his desperation to return home.

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Now, for Carol's The Angel Appearing to Balaam.

This painting is an illustration of a story told in the Bible (Book of Numbers, ch: 22-24), which, to summarise, is about a man named Balaam, who, against God's wishes, goes on a mission given to him by the King of Moab, so God sends him an Angel, who meets him on his route and sets him back on the right path that God wanted him on all along. After his encounter with the Angel, Balaam remains faithful to God, ignoring the constant pressures from the King.

There are so many parallels here, and some can have multiple meanings, but I'll point out the ones that seem most evident to me: who the people in this story represent.

God: I think it represents God/Fate/Destiny/[insert whichever divine power you can think of], and God's plan here represents the story that Daryl & Caryl were meant to be on if Daryl wasn't misled, and they hadn't been separated.

King of Moab: This person to me is Maggie; she didn't intend to separate Daryl/Caryl, but she was the one who ultimately sent Daryl on that mission, and Carol couldn't follow, therefore separating them.

Balaam: This one is clearly Daryl; he accepts the mission from Maggie, leaving Carol behind, thinking he'd be back in no time, which, unbeknownst to him, would end up being a mistake he'd regret greatly.

The Angel: It's clear as day in the actual promo video that Carol is the angel. As the image of the angel fades, Carol appears in its place. She will be the one to go out, find Daryl on his lost path, save him, and help him return to where he was always meant to be, with her, with his Home.

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That was a long one, but I really enjoyed writing it; thank you so much for reading it, and I hope you guys liked it. My high school art history teacher would be so proud 😅

I'd love to know what you guys think and if you'd be interested in me doing a breakdown of the similar videos released for other characters like Laurent, Codron, and Fallou.

[Codron promo vid analysis]

#daryl dixon #carol peletier #caryl #twd spoilers #the walking dead #the book of carol #CarylArchives

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dreamsarebutterflies · 8 months

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I'm just throwing a rock in the water here but I'm starting to think Aziraphale and Crowley swapped places before the Fall.

Let me explain. :D

Someone on Tumblr noticed that Aziraphale mirrored some mannerisms that we saw in Angel!Crowley. He's naive and there are literal stars in his eyes when he looks around. Demon!Crowley is never shown as too curious, he just has an open mind and critic eye but that's all. When Aziraphale is always filled with wonderment no matter what he's putting his mind and body into. Aziraphale has a bookshop, collects the first edition of every book on the planet, probably. That's someone who wants to know, to feel, to learn, to understand. And then, there are the matter of all the prophecy books that he got dedicated. Why being obsessed with prophecy books at all if not to find an answer to a question Aziraphale so desperately needs answers to?

Aziraphale is cautious when Angel!Crowley starts to doubt God's plan in the flashback because even though it might be the first time any angel talk shit about Her, he seems to understand this is dangerous. The Crowley we know is a skeptic and sees Heaven and Hell as they are; he's pretty neutral, come to think of it. To me, there is no punishment for Aziraphale to be scared of at the time, not like after the Fall when they KNOW for sure WHAT is forbidden. What is right or wrong. So the Angel being worried in this moment, to me, would only show how much of an understanding he has of his political surroundings. I don't think that's Aziraphale's scene at all.

In this opening scene, we see Aziraphale worried for his new friend and coworker but he doesn't shut him down. Another person noticed how Crowley is annoyed with Jimbriel all the time. Except when the guy asks questions about why things are the way they are. And Crowley answers and looks calm, open, admits when he doesn't know.

This too. He doesn't know. 1) people mentioned working with him and fighting by his side, but he doesn't remember. He remembers working and fighting. But not actual details and people. He remembers a password tho? He's not the same person. 2) He says he doesn't remember but when creating stars is your passion job, you do know. Of course he "isn't the angel Aziraphale knew", and his memories has been wiped and it hurts to remember but since when did it stopped Crowley to get what he wanted? Surely someone as passionate wouldn't forget a rule as simple as gravity.

So, yes, it might be because he himself has been cast away because he asked questions that he showed kindness to Gabriel there. But perhaps it's more that he was used to hear questions and he learned how to response to this unusual behavior in Heaven when actual Angel!Crowley asked.

Since this opening scene with the creation of the universe, I feel like Aziraphale always reached out for Crowley even though he tried to keep his distance. He always kept a eye out for him. Seemingly knowing more than he lets on.

Side note: The wing thing is cute but also, wouldn't be more interesting to think the angel spreading his wing to protect his friend is actually the same both times? And the fact that it's obvious the one being smitten in this first meeting was Aziraphale BUT Crowley is the one coming up with the rainstorm and shelter as the perfect set up for love to happen??? Isn't is very strange that he is the one thinking about it when Angel!Crowley was just too giddy with what he just created to really register how romantic it all was? And Aziraphale being clueless to the parallel? Nah I don't think so.

My theory is that they swapped so angel!Crowley wouldn't be punished, might be because he didn't deserve it or he got "arrested" at a time when they had been swapped already. And since then, Aziraphale!Crowley would try to find a way to right this wrong. It would explain why, despite everything Crowley said about sides and Heaven and God's will in particular, Aziraphale still thought that reinstating him as an angel was the only thing to do here. And Metatron would probably know something about that.

Last argument is that, and maybe it's a bit far fetched but, both seasons mirrored each other in terms of narrative. The bandstand//bookshop scenes are obvious with Crowley's proposal to run off. There were some other similarities when it involved Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship. For example, Last time the main stroyline ended and we got to focus on our favorite pair, they swapped appearence to get away from punishment.

We all like to theorize about wtf happened in this last scene with them not having the same conversation, the kiss or how desperate and complex Aziraphale's reactions were (the outmost confusion). Is it because he knew the Metatron was listening? Because he couldn't face the reality of them as more than friends? Because Crowley here was going off road with a love confession which would change everything instead of a mere argument about what was right and wrong (one they had in the past and always came back from)?

Or was it because finally the charade could end and everything could finally be as it was supposed to be but Crowley had to go and say no thank you, its Earth, its this bookshop or nothing? Because Aziraphale didn't say no in this scene. There were many things he obviously wanted to say but couldn't and was frustrated with (probably because Metatron was listening.) But he never said no to Crowley. He said You and Me in Heaven as it should be.

Usually, Crowley is always on the left and Aziraphale is on the right. There are moments though, when this rule is not respected. And I think the simple fact that this "rule" exists at all is meaningful, more than we think. Symbolism? Yay. But also what about the prophecy and the bodyswap tropes as narrative tools??

Most of the time, Aziraphale follows rules and orders but when it comes to save Crowley, humans, Earth (as part of Angel!Crowley's creation), his obedience is no more. When they switch side in a scene, it often is in these moments when Aziraphale knows best and becomes braver than anyone else: when he critics, challenges, looks for order in a universe in chaos since the Fall. This is his rebel side that he contains the rest of the time. When he is like this, I feel like he is true to himself.

More than that, it turns out that Michael was supposed to play Crowley in the first stages of development???

This or they just agreed to swap before the gurls stopped by to talk about love when CROWLEY was tidying the shop, before Metatron offered AZIRAPHALE to reinstate the demon, before the plan had to change but they weren't on the same page. As if the lie was about to end or not to matter at all.

Just like the scene with the sisters in season one, when they totally misunderstood each other - thanks God, She was here to translate the scene but was nowhere to be heard in season two.

That's just a theory but the more I watch the divorce scene and the more I think... It wouldn't be so crazy. There are so many layers to it we keep uncovering.

#meta #neil gaiman #aziraphale #crowley #good omens

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llycaons · 10 months

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ep19 (part 2): boy oh boy it's coming

this rules. make that sword float and have the disembodied voices of a thousand disturbed souls scream out in the voices the protag knows

OH THAT'S A BONE. I NEVER REALIZED. he's trying to wave them away...he does the same thing with chenqing later on. so impotent and desperate. you know he's going to survive this and reign in this power, but it hurts so much to see him suffer through it. he was scared, up there with the wen men. he was clearly really scared. he's freaking out over here

I think it was a good choice not to show anything that happened in the three months. best left to the imagination. and it keeps the plot moving. we don't need to see his process to see what he did. and his reveal later is all the better for not knowing what's been happening with him or what he's been learning

YESSSS YESSS THERE HE IS AND HE LOOKS MAD!!!!! I love that tiktok of the guy sitting up straight and zipping his jacket and saluting bc literally. this is such a cool entrance too he walks up those steps so slowly and he looks so cool doing it

jc swoops in later but he gets a very brief entrance. and he wasn't even the one who subdued the guards, it was all lwj with his musical notes and cords to strangle people

I wonder if he requested doing it alone...

first time I watched this I didn't know about all the bdsm in the novel but some people take this shot way differently than I do. I just think they have a really different dynamic in the show I don't see it. I'm not saying it's impossible just not my headcanon.

im just posting this pic because I like the curtain around the bed, it's pretty.

the 'jc and lwj would be friends' people are so funny because obviously they wouldn't be, but it's probably more due to lwj than jc at this point. jc is fairly open and honest in this scene, reaching out to lwj with his worries and not hiding them in rage or sarcasm. trying to connect with someone who cares about wwx as well, who has the same goals as him.

and lwj just doesn't care. he does not speak a word to him or even really look at him this entire scene. if lwj was more open to social interaction and less laser-focsed on wwx, maybe? but they are who they are and lwj isn't really keen on making friends or comforting anyone when the love of his life has possibly been murdered in the most horrible and cruel way possible

it's so sad to think about how deep lwj must be in fear and grief bc this literally does happen, in the end. wwx is dead with no body, his soul possibly lost forever.

also the lan guys give lwj wwx's sword even tho jc is right there and jc doesn't object. interesting. my theory is that he has a sense for their relationship and he's cool with it as long as he and wwx have a decent relationship

it's a low bar but cheers to jzx for not letting crows eat human corpses and offering his forces to help clean up. because his cousin certainly wouldn't have

of course poor jyl, home destroyed, parents dead, younger brother with his core ripped out, other younger brother missing for months, drugged against her will and sent away by the two people she wanted to be with more than anything else, in the care of a near-stranger, alone and seeing the countryside littered with corpses. god.

WHY DIDN'T HE LEAD WITH THAT. jzx you ass

their reunion is very touching!!

they love wwx so much oh my godd it kills me that he doesn't see how much people love him.

this quiet little scene is so sad...it's so tender, so gentle

jc is only ever this humble and penitent with his sister, or maybe with some high-ranking leaders. he's very proud...

oh, sweetheart. he hasn't. it may look like it, he's definitely better in this arc than he is anywhere else, but he hasn't.

this parallels the scene before when jyl begs wwx to find jc when he's vanished. because they need to stay together 🥺

though INTERESTING that it's jyl who leaves the jiangs, in the end, out of less than dire moral imperative. she just wanted to get married, and good for her

this fixation on staying together, I think it's an entirely reasonable reaction to abuse at home, then great upheaval and loss. she wants to cling to what she can trust. she wants her remaining family together where she knows they're safe. but I think in the aftermath of the war she recovers enough from this mindset to pursue her own life, though of course she never wanted to lose her brothers entirely. she would have rather died than watch them die…it's so cruel but honest to god I believe it's truly what she wanted

oh, neat. we learn earlier that meng yao, having left the nies, is not with the jins. where could he be? and who could this mysterious new right hand man in qishan be? little detail that's easily missed on the first watch

so real wlj get yourself outta there. haven't forgotten the torture or child murder but its fun to see her rebel against staying wc's servant

aren't those wwx's reversed talismans? if so, she's about to draw a lot of very powerful spirits to her

about the bloody eyes...I imagine wwx can cause hallucinations, or else it's just her sheer terror manifesting itself in something besides nightmares

come to think of it, jyl also had dreams about things that would happen regarding wwx. do the women in this setting have a tendency towards prophetic dreams? much to think about....

personal highlights

wzl looking at his hand after hitting wwx like 'what?'

LOVED when wwx threatened to come back as a vengeful spirit. oved when he used his low status as a tool to achieve his ends. atta boy <3

LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN KEEP SMILING UNTIL THE END. evil line, love it. super cruel and taunting in a way that reminds me of later jc - like 'oh, you think you're such a hero, don't you?'

jc's beautiful dream/vision ough imagine having a happy family that loves you

lwj epic staicase climb. I missed him I was just staring at him for ages

I truly do love all of wlj's scenes. she is super fun, her actor does a terrific job, her outfit in this episode was really pretty, and her decision to ditch wen chao and leave him to die ruled

I love that first scene in BM when wwx is bruised and surrounded by all those ghosts and crawling over human remains, maybe he WAS injured in the fall. he didn't stand up...

jc being tender and honest with his sister. he can do it! I know he has it in him! and i'm proud of him

next up ep20 and you know what that means!!! YILING LAOZU IS COMING!!!!!

#cql re-rewatch

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regaining-consciousmess · 1 year

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On this day, I felt the adrenaline again. And I liked it.

Today I left work early. On time but that is early- around 5:30, I clocked out at 5:15pm but stayed later because I wanted to help with reducing paperwork on physical inbox.

I told my dad while shopping on PCC that I was going to see him after work, eat something, and I had to do homework. It was undetermined whether I was going to do that at his house or my house. I have been sleeping at his house because my room is under renovation and everything is on top of my bed.

I left work, parked at the Buck Pavilion parking lot, paid 18$ for parking and drove to my house. Left the I-5 using exit 174 towards 130th St.

Went to Lowes in Aurora and 125th (I think) and bought two types of sand paper for the furniture I bought on Monday with my mom. They are from Goodwill on 145th.

Today I had a dream that sparked my interest. I was in my house from Peru, in San Borja, specifically in my room when there were two beds vertically places, parallel to the window. I had 4 men with me, I did not recognize them but I did see their face in my dream. And there was a woman as well, that woman was a maternal figure, I do not know who that was I think, at least now I don’t know maybe in my dream I did. Even though I did not recognize her, she was my maternal figure and everyone else's too I think, or at least I know for sure one of the men's maternal figure. I was on the bad closes to the window. The beds were made, there was no other person besides the ones I already mentioned but there was a fulfilled energy regarding the space (the house). It felt full. I don't remember how but there was someone with daytime about or willing to smoke, or maybe already smoking. I want to say it was a girl who I know, I want to say it was Alexa, or maybe someone else, but no one who I know smokes or has smoked clear. That woman was grabbing the daytime from a Ziplock bag, it was a good amount, and dropped a many, many pieces to the ground. Looking at them by themselves, they seemed small, but big or the right amount to put in a pipe. The size you would break a little for a good melt. I saw they were falling and went a picked them up, without her seeing me, or no one for that matter. It was a secret because in my dream I wasn’t smoking and wasn’t “allowed”, even in my dream I knew I shouldn’t and knew there were consequences if I did, like my mom seeing me or the high affecting my behavior for that day and they days to come. But I wanted to smoke really bad as soon as I saw it. So I started to pick them up and it wasn’t just a little bit, it was a lot. Probably about a gram of unknown sized pieces. I knew I shouldn’t do it but I started to become anxious, as in fiending for some, real bad. I grabbed them and felt like I scored. Imaging being a street tweaker and finding drugs and getting extremely euphoric, as in fulfilled, as in imaging completing your dreams, imaging attaining what you most desired. That is how I felt, everything disappeared and all there was in my reality was: I have meth and will get high and oh my God I cannot believe it. I think that is when the mother figure entered the room and I felt very desperate because I didn’t know where she would leave for me to be able to smoke in peace and enjoy it; I was very agitated. I felt some pieces sticking to my fingers, they were melting because I had them inside my fist so that they won’t be seen and I could have them in my possession. I think I told one of the guys about what I found and he had the same reaction as me. Then I looked at his face and it was overly swollen, like if someone with a bee allergy got stung in the face, the eyes were two horizontal lines, the whole face was puffy, but there was one thing on his mind: getting high; nothing mattered, he did not even mentioned what was happening or indicated that is something he could feel. The mother figure then transformed into, what I want to say was, the man’s mom. His mom was crying, was I sorrow. He was going to get high intravenously and she knew I might be his last time. She wanted to stop him and cried, begging him no to do it. But he was not there, his focus was on getting high. He was b=very unbothered about doing it in front of people or how other people could think about the whole situation. I don't remember seeing him get high. As a matter of fact, I don't remember anyone getting high. I got very sad about the situation. I was impatiently waiting for the mother figure, the “adult”, to leave so I can get high in peace, without being paranoid. I was speaking fast, trying to help finish anything that was happening so that the next “act” could start, hopefully and most likely it being that the adult would leave and I would stay alone in the room with a couple pieces. The men were in the living room of the house, I don't think I saw it but I knew.

I woke up, it was 4:47AM, knew I had to wake up at 5AM to get ready for work, which started at 7AM. But, I was very interested in the dream. I woke up fully aware of the whole dream. I had awareness and some type of consciousness but the decision were made by my dream self not my real self, although, my real self’s boundaries and “rules” (?, for a lack of a better word) were known and applied. I wanted to go back to sleep to be able to stay in that circumstance. Said “10 more minutes” or so, turned off my alarm to not wake my dad up, and went back to sleep. I fell asleep fast and began dreaming, picked it up where I left if, I think.

The emotions were real and accurate. I felt them before when I would run out and needed to score some more but would take time and after moving “sea and land” I would get ahold of some. In those situations I would be capable of going from Shoreline to Tacoma, any time, would wait for 3 hours, would lie to my mom in the most eye opening ways, would use my body to have some, would over pay, spend all my money, or steal because I didn't have any money, would forget about myself, I wouldn’t recognize myself. I felt like that again, I wasn’t able to get that emotion anymore, it really brought up a lot of forgotten emotions and sensations. I wanted to feel that again, I wanted to experience all that turmoil and enjoy it because I liked the feeling of chasing something with such a passion and determination.

So I went back to the dream and I don't remember much. I think I got high, or maybe I wasn't able to. I do remember being lectured about this. I think the mother figure became someone who wasn’t a member of my family so there wouldn’t be any actions against me or consequence for this behavior but there were concerned because they saw me young, with opportunities and knew clearly that I, and nobody, should do that drug. I was desperate because my plan wasn't happening and I already had that in my head and who was going to take that away from me, after being so close to achieve it. I think I let that figure know what was happening, that I had pieces in my possession, pieces of meth. I did that because I felt remorse but also because I felt caught and I thought if I feel “guilty” I wouldn’t be taken as a lost cause, generate pity or aversion to myself, but I would generate a sense of hope to others, hope that they could avoid it, that they could help me and I would be a victim instead of an addict. Someone who wants to change but “it is hard”, and how everyone thinks now is that addiction is a disease and it is not the addicts fault. Which in my case, it is my fault. I am not addicted, but I am still related to it.

It is like an abusive relationship, you say it is not OK and you are not in an active relationship with the person but think about them, take care of them either directly or not, you see them if they ask you to hang out, you know you shouldn't but at the same time you don't see what can go more wrong than what you’ve actually endured, and why stop if you maybe love that person or at lest desire them and it doesn’t hurt anyone or even you unless it does hurt you but you can avoid it, you can act in a way that can protect you and still happen. And if you tell someone new what went wrong, they will blame it on the other person, how mean, how toxic and abusive, what a bad person. And poor you, it is hard to get out of there, you get empathy and compassion, and most importantly understanding. I am not addicted but I feel forever tied. I feel like now that I tried it, there is no going back, I like how it feel and before that nothing felt like that, and after that nothing has felt similar either. I am not addicted but I am consciously seeking the opportunity to do it again. Ever. Single. Day. And I don't need it, but I feel complete with that. I feel happy, but I don't feel happiness. It is hard to explain. I feel fulfillment. I feel identified and accepted by my self. I can write without frustration because I feel stupid for trying to create something. I believe in myself and my potential. And I don’t have expectations, I do things because I want to and I like it. And I feel focused. I feel in control of my overall state, which it is lead by my emotional self. I feel one with my critical and emotional self. I think it silences or minimizes my critical self, but it doesn't reduce it, it puts it in it’s natural power and proportion.

So I felt all of that. It was very eye opening that dream. It gave me two “desires”. One, it reinforced, very deep down and unconsciously, the idea of trying to score some just to experience it again, to have all of these again, not for the last time, I am trying not to lie to myself nor judge my thoughts. And two, created or increased this mentality: “don't do it, it is something that you have outgrown. It is not relevant anymore with everything that you have in your mind and life”. Not really, but basically. I cannot put my thoughts in words. I wish I could give this text my feelings, it is a vibe that is worth 1 million words. I think it is this reason that blinds me from moving on. I am stuck, I do not engage in the past, at least not actively and freely, but I do not ascend or set my mind on focusing on my new endeavors. I think I cannot articulate these important happening in my mind and self, and I think that is the product of a separate self. I think I don’t like myself and I don't know myself because I don't want to, and because of that I don't understand myself, and because of that I don't know what is going on inside myself and I don't know the external and internal expression that come with me. And I blindly walk in this world, and I instinctively act on the internal expressions that are caused by a lack of touch and I become desperate to fix it or make it stop because it is scary, and that is why I act based on survival. I think that is why I need to do drugs, because I have a lot of self-discomfort that I don't understand and because I don't understand myself I don't know how to properly behave towards it and turn to what I know which is escape or distract myself, or I go to other people and manipulate them to make them fix me and my issues.

I wish I knew myself and I wish I could understand me. I wish I had interest in getting to know my self, and work cohesively and cooperatively, thus developing my persona and getting to who I want to be.

Because I know who I want to be but I don't know who I am now, and how would you work on something you don’t have access to or even know what it is.

Anyways, I had that dream and it stayed in my mind. It stayed in my mind in a. very passive way, but didn't leave. It created a sense of curiosity and excitement because I really like when I show or express that unconscious side, that secret side that has artistic factions, that side that gives me material which I can use to create the art that I really want to create. It takes me out of a very logical world and puts me in an introspective but controlled and realistic mental state and emotional position. I feel proud of myself. I wanted to put it into something. Not words because I knew I wasn't going to be able to fully encompass everything without going outside the topic or being vague or overly “performative”. I wanted to create a visual representation but how. I wanted to show it to people without any context because the circumstance was so well developed in a way that captivates the audience, tells a story and creates reflection and curiosity, cravings for more. But didn't know what, how or why. I thought about recording myself but that created a sense of anger mixed with frustration inside me. Like, just stop. Maybe live in the present? Maybe, stop putting expectations? Maybe, think more logically creative instead of just doing it without thinking but believing it will work but then not working because there was no planning or evaluation? So I didn't do anything with this dream.

That is why I forgot it. But what captivated me is what I told in this text.

What caught my memory was the face of that guy and the very of that mother. It made me really sad, it decreased my desire to get high, it made me rethink about my decisions and really question this need and want of being around drugs. It destroys people, not the ones getting high, but the ones around you. It makes you a stranger to everyone because it makes you misunderstood. It breaks your mom and your dad. It takes you away from those who love you, and it dissipates your role in their life forever. It changes everything forever.

I do not want to see my mom hurting. I cannot even understand or comprehend the love of a mother and I will never experience that sense of grief without loss. Knowing they are not gone but the version you knew is, but their presence is, their light and soul is; a big wall has been built and a dome was left englobing the wall and the person, leaving very far away. I think about a mom, a mom who doesn’t know judgement or anger, who doesn't know grudges, whom forgiveness comes as natural as hear beats.

Anywayssssss

Basically, I went to Lowes and started looking for tweaker to get meth from.

I went to a little alley with a dead end and saw a guy and a girl walking. I didn't mean to ask them but I couldn't finish my turn until they fully crossed the road. The guy saw me and I did a sign saying sorry for getting to close with my car, like not letting him cross. He thought I was talking to him and I said no with my gestures, so he kept walking. But I stopped, rolled my window down and said “Excuse me”, he didn't hear me. Then I rolled the passenger’s window down and said “Excuse me” twice. The girl heard me after the second time and they both stopped. I came out of the car half way, and said “Sorry to bother you and hopefully you don’t take this the wrong way, but do you know where I can find clear?” He said, “Clear?, Yeah” And walked towards my window. I got a little nervous because I thought he might steal my bag or tried to do something mean, but he didn't. He asked if he could enter the car and I, hesitantly, said yes. The girl also go in, the guy invited him in. She asked if it was OK, I said of course. He got in through the left door and she through the right one. He asked me how much I need and I said 20$ worth (I got 10$ cash back from my purchase at Lowe’s). Then he said, “Ok, let me go grab it”, and I became hesitant because I know there is the chance of him leaving with the money, I said, “Can't you get the drugs first?” He said something about needing the money to get the drugs, so I asked where he was going, he said a couple meters ahead, facing Aurora, facing the dead end with the back of the white Dodge, with Lowe’s to my right and a house or an abandoned establishment to my left. I drove him closer to the RV he was going to get the meth from. Important to describe, there are various RVs parked parallel to the left end (side) of Lowe’s and it is a little easy to assume that the people there consume drugs, or at least a good majority. I parked behind a black Sedan. I wasn't even parked, I just stopped but later turned my car off in case it looks suspicious, but I think that it wouldn't have mattered because everybody goes there to get ahold of drugs it seems like and I did not see any security or police, or even pedestrian activity. I think that if you go that way, you go for a reason. It is a little scary but not terrifying. People just look at you and stay looking.

I parked behind the car, the guy said to the girl “I’m leaving my backpack here”, walked to my window, leaned on it and asked me for the money. I changed my mind, I said “Actually let me just get 10$ worth”. He said OK but seemed kind of confused; 10$ worth is almost nothing, but it is still something though. I just thought, if I have a good amount, I will do it and I don’t know if I should or want to get high like that, at least in this occasion.

I gave him a 10 dollar bill, he looked at it kind of disappointed and left, walking straight in the direction of one of the RVs. I think he said he was getting it from a girl or girls. I stayed with the girl and I made a little conversation. I thanked her and apologize for bothering them or interrupting their walk- they were heading towards the dead end direction, a residential street behind the Lowe’s.

Is it Lowe’s or Loewe’s? I don't want to look it up.

She was very nice, very polite; most girls on drugs, at least caucasian girls, her type, tend to be mean, very rude, very distrusting and they let you know they don’t care about being cordial, even just for the time being just to have a pleasant time.

She was eating, what I think was, vanilla pudding with Oreos on top. At first I thought it was an ice cream, but it looked glossy to be ice cream. I asked her what her name was and I didn't understand what she said. I said “I am Lucia, nice to meet you”, she said “nice to meet you too”. We talked about clear, I asked her if she smokes it and she said yes. I was being careful about my questions regarding drugs because I don't want to label her as a druggie but I mean, we are in a drug deal so the topic of conversation tends to be about drugs. I wasn't interested in what I was asking but I wanted to avoid tension or awkwardness or making her feel unimportant, something like that.

She said “Thank you for being so respectful with your questions.” And I said “Of course, my biggest fears to make someone feel disrespected by accident”. Instantly I thought, why would you say that, stop trying to be so nice and approachable, just let it flow by being nice and chill. She said “Yes” or something like that, she wasn't interested in my response. I said so where were you guys going, or something like that, and she was very vague with her answer. I was thinking about offering them a ride but thankfully with her response I just moved on. We talked about a time that I go 7 grams of daytime for 60$, I told her it was at the beginning of the pandemic and it never happened again. She was very surprised and was like “Really?”, I said “Yes, and it never happened again”. I said “It wasn't even powder, it was full, unbroken crystals”. She asked if the quality was good, I said yes. She told me people have been cutting meth and coke or “blues” with “tranq,” she said “it is horse tranquilizer, have you heard of it?”. In my head I was, “Ketamine”, but I didn't want to seem like a know-it-all, so I said “Yes, I think so. That is crazy.” Then she said something about fentanyl and I said, “Yes, I had a friend who smoked a perc that had fentanyl and OD’d, overdosed and died.” She didn't respond I think just kind of showed that she heard me and agreed. She said something about percs or pills, as in if I consume them, I said “I am not into percs or pills”, “I smoked it once, just one hit and passed out, so what was the point”. When I said that I saw the guy walking towards us but stopped at a paper bag on the pavement, close to the sidewalk, and was cutting a piece. I though about driving towards him but I didn't because maybe I was going to intrude, maybe there was people therein it would be weird or I would disturb them and I wanted to avoid interacting with the people there because they are weird and I wouldn't be able to know how they will react. There was an old black man that looked at us, made eye contact and kind of turned his head away from us, like saying “what are you doing here” or like maybe he is just fried and people like that have antisocial queues and expressions or behaviors. The girl in the back of my car said “Don’t trust him, he is ...” I think she saids us or something around that thought but I thought to myself, “That didn't even cross my mind, to ask him fro anything or even interacting with him. I said “Oh ok, thank you”. I think she said her drugs are questionable, or something along those line, or maybe I am making that up. I think she said that and then mentioned the drugs being cut with ketamine and to be careful. There was a tall, lean, black guy with a blue durag and long hair (because there was a big bulge in the back of his head under the durag) that was walking towards the dead end, kind of passing through it into the residential street but came back, walked passed my car through the side walk, passed by the old black man and talked to him for a brief moment. Then went across the street, by where the abandoned-looking building was, and was walking towards a little gap between building, seems like he was looking for something on the floor. He kept low-key looking over us, but I never actually made eye contact with him or caught him staring at the car or anything. He was around probably around 70% of the whole time I was there. He was walking up and down, kind of wanting to do something but hesitant or shy about it. I thought maybe he was looking to score some. I was scared he was going to come over and talk to us because I wouldn’t know what to expect. I saw him walking passing by the grill restaurant across the Krispy Kreme, in front of the 76 gas station, and I thought “He wouldn’t be involved in drugs, wouldn’t know where or how to get clear or even know what it is” I thought he was a pedestrian and that thought I had was to kind of reinforce the idea that maybe the people who I think would know about meth actually don't and they are just people walking with a destination and I am here thinking about disturbing people and maybe offend them with my question. I saw him and kind of gave up on trying to score. Then, drove north and spontaneously turned left on the street I did the deal, where the RVs are, passed about 3 or 4 prostitutes that were in those street corners, and drove to where I meet Alfredo, the guy who got me the meth.

I think the guy left or maybe I just forgot about him. The guy with the blue durag.

Alfredo took quite a little bit of time with that paper bag on the floor, I thought “Maybe he is trying to put the drugs for me wrapped in that.”

I was ready to get my drugs and get out.

The girl in the back offered me the tablet, it wasn’t a known brand. I am not interested so I said “Not really, thank you”. Said it twice. Asked, can I see or what brand it is I think and she opened the box and let me check it out. I asked her how much do you want and she said “I don’t know, 10 or 20″. It seems like she just wanted some money. I would’ve said 50 or 65, I mean, it is a tablet. I don’t know if it works thought but seems in fair enough condition, not broken or anything like that.

I had 10 dollars left in my wallet and said, “I was thinking about giving you guys this for helping me to get some, would you like it?” I was shy because I didn’t want to offend her by giving her money, as in saying that she is in need or something. She was thankful, she said “Yes, thank you” I think she said thank you twice or maybe I appreciate it on the second time. I said “Yeah, of course. I don’t know if it is 9 or 10$” She said, “Oh it’s OK, thank you”.

I felt good because I didn't feel like I was using them and felt like we were good. I initially wanted to give that money to Alfredo because he made it happened but because she offered me the tablet and I wasn't interested, I offered it to her. I felt bad because I felt like I disappointed her or hurt her.

Her fingers were swollen, looked tender, as in hard, as in compact. They were thick, thicker than you would think based on her physique. They were red and the tips were sort of dirty, black like if you would’ve cleaned “coal”. The nails were short and they looked very swollen. Like when you are in drugs too deep, like a circulation type of situation. I looked at her fingers more than once. I always look at people’s fingers because that is my determination of whether they are deep or deep enough into drugs or not.

Alfredo came to the car, finally, and gave me the piece of folder paper bag. I opened it and it was so little. He gave me probably 5$ worth, if not a little less maybe. But I don't know the prices anymore (really, never truly new them. People definitely overcharged on various occasions but I wouldn’t know). I was like damn, he kind of felt my disappointment and he said “She gave me very little for 10$. If you want a have a guy that will do a ball for 35. A ball is 3.5. It is because they don't sell, that is why they give you so little.” I said “It’s OK,” took a piece of something off the bunch, it wasn’t meth it seems like a piece of wood, close the whole thing and put it in a little pocket on the inside of the driver’s seat door. He said “Give me your phone” for the deal that he told me about. I said “Yes please, I would like to get some. What is your number?” He said his phone is not working or he doesn't have a phone, something like that. He said you give me your phone so I can contact you. I said “OK, sure. Do you have a pen?” Or maybe I said, where do I write it. He asked the girl if she had a pencil with her. She started looking but I rapidly said “I have a pen”. Opened the glove compartment and took black-ink pen. The girl opened the box where the tablet is and told me to write it in there. I wrote my number and “Lucia” below it, worth it with an accent, half cursive half printed. I really like how smooth the pen felt on the inside of the box, that caught my attention. He said “OK, I will call you (or maybe he said text) tomorrow.” I said “Yes please” I know for sure I showed my interest on the deal or just on getting more meth and said I want him to contact me, I don't know if verbatim but at least the vibe.

We were speaking Spanish because when I met him I sensed an accent. I asked him, before I gave him the money “Do you speak Spanish?” He said “Si.” I said, “Ya, yo tambien.” And our whole conversation, except for the very beginning, was in Spanish. It made me feel more comfortable and safe.

I shook his hand and said thank you and nice to meet you I think. The girl left my car, I said bye to her. They walked away and I left. I didn’t put my seatbelt on until after I started driving. I just wanted to get out of there. I was scared of leaving because everybody outside would see me and know what was up. A very skinny, wrinkly old caucasian man with a guitar stared super hard at me when I passed by. I think he has a confederate themed cap, maybe (?). And I think I heard the prostitutes making a noise, like “Ohhh” because they could assume what happened. Saw my car going inside, and a bunch of minutes later, leaving. Both times by myself. What else could you be doing.

After all this, I got home, said hi to Roy, my mom, let them know I will be busy and won’t eat with them and locked myself in my room. Turned my TV on and loaded my pipe. I initially said I would do it tomorrow but I didn't want to wait. It was very easy to change my mind. I cancelled plans with my dad, told him that I was staying late at work and after had to do homework so I wasn't going to meet him but I will tomorrow that I don't work. He left me on seen. It hurt me to say that, but my desire to get high was way more powerful.

After processing it, I think as I was getting close to my house, I thought to myself: “He definitely took some of my meth and kept it and that is why he separated it using the paper bag” because, they would not have given him the drugs loose like that, they were small pieces and you can’t hand that over without a container holding it. I got a little frustrated, a little mad, a little mad I didn't think of it and say something, but what could I possibly say, he wouldn’t have admit to it, that is 1, and two they helped me so it makes sense he would’ve taken some. It makes sense, and it is kind of expected, for someone like him to do a move like that. At the end, you are surviving and you need your drugs to survive when you are in that state. The type of state where you are in the streets like that, when you know the people in the streets like that, and just the whole vibe and characteristics.

I couldn’t expect any less. It is whatever. I would’ve liked the whole thing, of course. The girl told me, “You should tell him to introduce you to them so you can get it from them next time.” I said something like “Oh yeah” and then commented that my plug moved to Tacoma and I would not go all the way there for some, that is why I am asking on the street like that. She agreed.

I should’ve gone with him but I just was very “frozen”. I didn't want to leave my car there or leave her in the car, and what if the people at the RV don't want strangers. And if I told him that, where would the girl be at. That is not important nor relevant but I just thought there was no other option besides the plan that Alfredo made.

I smoked it all. I smoked it probably in the span of 20 minutes. It got burned really easy and turned brown. I wonder if that is because of the quality or the pipe. Was it cut? I felt ringing my ear when I smoked it. I opened the window because the smell was strong, smell of burnt chemical maybe. Watch Shark Tales and kind of organized my room but not really, I was pretending to not catch Roy’s attention, who was setting up the table and grabbing stuff from the kitchen constantly.

I got high, but not as high as I thought it was. I don't know if it was the amount, or the quality or my tolerance. I would’ve thought that because I haven’t done it in a long time even the smallest hit would get to me but it didn’t like I thought I was going to be.

I am mildly high. I texted with my grandma, my dad, the MIRABUS group chat, Amanda Gane on Instagram, watch the videos that Giulia sent me on Instagram too. Then, I sat down, grabbed my laptop and opened Canvas to do some homework. There is nothing due but I wanted to read the syllabus of each class and get an idea of deadlines, how each class will flow or what they will be expecting from me.

I started doing that, I grabbed the notebook I got for each class and wrote the subject on the outer cover of each notebook. Then I grabbed the “Introduction to Communications” notebook and started writing the key points of the syllabus. While doing that, the thought of writing about today came to my mind and there was no thought that opposed that or that judged it so I opened Tumblr and started this text.

Today is the day relapse, after not doing this since August of 2022. That is almost 7 months. I kind of knew it was going to happened but didn't believe I would actually do it again. Just because of the consequences and effects on me, and because now I am more connected to the people around me and this sometimes shows on my behavior and I have a very faint and very underdeveloped agreement with myself about this, that I would not show myself in that state to my people anymore. My family because they would what is going one easily, they have been around when it was bad and I know that is something that is still prevalent in their image of me. And the new people, my coworkers, because I don't want them to experience that persona, it is not what I want to show, and I don't want to hurt or damage our relationships and their idea of me. This is a very professional, serious job, the real deal. I cannot, actually I can but I don't want to act out of matureness and make this known. It will definitely be the end if it gets known and even if that doesn’t happen, I respect and care for them enough to think it twice. I would definitely not do this often because of that reason and wouldn’t do it as I get close to a day that I have to attend work.

I don��t feel remorse or shame or guilt for doing this, it was a small amount and that was it. I would lie, I think, if I say I don't crave it now that I finished it. Like, maybe I don't crave it but I did go back to the usual which is, OK where is the other hit. It is like an anxious response, when I consume something that brings me comfort, that I like, there is no limit or end. The question is: “Where is more? Where can I get more?” But there is no desperation.

We’ll see what happens tomorrow.

I don’t know if the guy will get to me or if I will do this again. Although, now I know where I can potentially get it again and how easy it was or maybe not easy but how it plays out, generally speaking.

I don’t know what I will feel or what will happen, but I feel at peace and happy I did it because I wanted to and I want to give myself what I want, no right or wrong desire because there is no judgement in me against my thoughts and behaviors. I am trying to reconnect with myself and make it stronger, to have my back and know that.

I sent Meeche a text, he might not answer me. I am going to Tacoma for a training next Friday (April 14th) and I thought I could pick some up because I will be there. I don’t think he will get to me, he is not interested anymore. I don’t know if I broke the relationship we had but I definitely annoyed him at some point with my behavior, it wasn’t one that I would feel proud of.

I wanted to have a saved something of what happened today, for my own safe keeping, to maybe use it in the future for some project, to go back one day, read it and remember it. Because it is something that most people wouldn’t do and I feel like it might be something that some people could use to live an experience through it, using it.

I feel, not proud, but I feel like I would talk about it. I would’ve definitely told Renae if we were around, or Lexi if I had the type of trust and if she was the type of person one could tell her something like that. So I tell Tumblr, I tell myself and maybe someone will come across it.

I smoked meth and I liked it. Deal with it.

#therapy #journaling #reflecting #meth #clear #confused

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nightowlfandom · 3 years

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Noctis Lucis Caelum- Anything For You

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...

“Good girl.” you smiled as the yellow feathered Chocobo ate from your hand. “Eat up, you need your energy.” you scratched the top of her head as she squawked gratefully.

“Y/N are you still here?” the farmhand, Faye emerged from the stables to find you. “Do you not have any other plans?”

“Trust me.” you began to laugh. “I’d much rather scoop up giant bird poops than deal with my personal life right now...or lack thereof.”

“Well isn’t that somethin- Is that the crown prince I see?” she looked past you which made you follow her eyes. “It is?! Prince Noctis on my Chocobo farm. Quick! How do I look?”

“Like a farmer.” you laughed in reply. “Perhaps get the shit off your boots.”

“Damnit! I should have worn my new ones.” She began wiping the bottoms of her shoes against the grass.

“Faye, he’s just a prince. I don’t know what’s so great about him anyways.” you rolled your eyes. “He seems like an asshole from what I’ve seen of him.”

“You’ve never even met him.” she put her hands on her hips. “Maybe you’ll like him!”

“Sure, whatever you say, Faye.” you laughed. “That’ll happen.”

...

“Ugh why are we here anyways?” Noctis rolled his eyes as Ignis pulled up to the famous Chocobo farm.

“Because!” Prompto snapped in reply. The blond male didn’t even wait for the car to fully stop before he jumped out. “The eggs are supposed to be hatching today and I want to be the first to capture a picture of those featherless faces!”

“Of course.” he scoffed. Noctis liked Chocobos, sure. He just didn’t think an idea of a good Saturday morning was to spend the day at a bunch of dirty, smelly, stables, for a bunch of unhatched eggs no less. “Great.”

“I suggest you fix your face, the farmhand is here.” Gladio grunted, hopping out of the car. “Wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings.”

“Whateve-” Noctis turned his head towards the loud squawking when his eyes landed on you. You were feeding a random Chocobo while talking to that farmgirl who ran the stables. “Woah.” he felt his heart flutter. Who were you?! He heard you laugh from where he was and felt his heart stop. Your laugh, it was beautiful.

“Yo? Who is that girl?” Noctis scrambled out of the car, nearly falling on his face. He tried desperately to fix himself up. “Specs?”

“I believe she frequents the shops not too far from here.” Ignis replied in his usually cool manner. “I believe she is also a friend of that Dino character we run into from time to time.”

“No way. Her?! Friends with that-” Noctis shook his head in disbelief. He found it impossible to walk forward. Gravity was stopping him. He didn’t even notice everyone else walking ahead of him. He had never seen you around before but he wished he had. “Woah....”

...

You were still chatting with Faye when a group of guys ran up. One of them held a camera and looked as if he were about to explode. You had no time to register the camera flash. Good think he captured your good side.

“I AM HERE FOR THE EGGS!” he declared. His abrasiveness surprised you. Was he talking about the new hatchlings?

“Ummm-” Faye looked scared. “You here to volunteer?”

“Heck yeah I am!” he explosive blonde looked as if he was about to piss himself from excitement. “I WANT TO HOLD YOUR CHOCOBOS!”

“Alright! Keep your pants on. Follow me. Y/N, you’ll be good here right?” Faye asked, seemingly frightened by the giddy young man.

“Yeah.” you stifled a laugh. “I’ll be just fine here.” you shook your head as the man ran full force for the stables. You were about to go about your business when a black haired boy stumbled up to you. “For a royal, you’re pretty clumsy.” you stifled laughter.

“Huh?!” he looked taken aback. “You know who I am?”

“...I mean aren’t I supposed to?” you turned back towards the Chocobo. “Prince Noctis?” you tried to hold in your distaste, but he caught up on it instantly.

“Is there an issue with me-”

“As a matter of fact there is. Don’t think I didn’t notice that face you were making when you pulled up with your friends.” you cut him off. “Big and bad prince man can’t be seen around a few Chocobos?”

“Oh, no that’s not it at all.” Noctis tried to explain himself in the best way he could.

“Then what exactly is it?” you turned towards him again. “I mean really?”

“Okay so I admit my attitude isn’t the best-”:

“So you admit it?” you held back harsh laugh. “Hm, It’s a start.” you shrugged.

“I mean, you aren’t really giving me a fair chance. You only know me from the papers.” he explained. “You don’t really know me as a person. For all I know you could be a stalker.”

“I am no a stalker!” you looked him up and down.

“I wouldn’t know that.” he winked. “So maybe we both have it all wrong.”

“And what do you wanna do to fix that, go on a date or something?” you scoffed.

“Yes!” he replied honestly. “Let me prove I’m not some asshole!”

“Is it that imperative that you go out of your way to prove to me that you aren’t an asshole?” you raised a brow.

“Yes!” he nodded quickly.

...

You boredly sat at the restaurant table. He was late. 15 minutes to be exact.

“I knew this was a load of-” you prepared yourself to stand up when a man frantically rushed in.

“I’M HERE!” Noctis yelled, grabbing the attention of the other patrons. He practically fell into the chair right across from you.

“Nice of you to show.” you sat back down. You decided to humor this guy. “Care to explain?”

“Sorry! Stupid Prompto gave me the wrong address and...woah...” he nearly drooled all over the place seeing you in your tight black dress. “You look...amazing.”

“Sure I do.” you scoffed. “I’m sure I still have dried up chocobo shit in my hair,” you turned away from him, feeling your insecurity creep up on you, tons more than usual. “But thank you.” you relaxed in your chair.

“No I mean it! Even when I saw you...I thought you were beautiful.” he expressed.

“Really?” you paused to look him in the eye.

“Really.” he smiled. “You’re the best looking girl here.”

“I definitely don’t believe that...but thank you.” you said shyly. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

....

“What about that one?” you pointed to a random star.

“That one, there’s a legend that it’s a parallel version of this world.”

You both sat at the edge of the lake, staring into the moonlit sky. After dinner, Noctis had taken you to the docks on Galdin Quay.

“No way. “You stared at the star in wonder. “How many worlds do you think there are?”

“Infinite, my dad says so.” Noctis replied. “All different versions of us doing different things.” he smiled to himself. “Maybe there’s a version of me that...is actually proud to be a prince.” he glowered.

“Maybe there’s a version of me whose the royal instead.” you nudged him. That made him chuckle a bit.

“If that’s the case...I’d be happy to bow down to you.” he flirted. He looked back at the sky. “Try that one.” he pointed.

“I know that one.” you beamed a little. “There’s a legend called the Lover’s Star, if a couple sees it on their first date...they’ll be together forever.” you mused romantically. It was only then you had realized your fingers had laced into Noctis’s.

“Maybe today was our lucky day.” he winked. After a second of silence, you decided to confess.

“I was wrong about you.” you said honestly a while. “I think you’re pretty amazing, Noct.” you chuckled.

“So...” he smiled deviously. “Are ya gonna say I’m sorry?” he mocked.

“You wish. You’re still a stuck up prince to me...you’re just not an asshole prince.” you stuck your tongue out at him. “You’re not like most guys around here.” you shyly looked away from him you dug your toes into the sand.

“Well I’m not from around here.” he replied. “You’re different from everyone around here. You’re not all into me because I’m The Prince Noctis- that’s all I want. I want someone to see me for who I am...not what I am.”

You shyly kicked your legs in the water, looking at the ripples in the water.. “I’m glad I could be that person for you Noctis.” you smiled.

“Guess this means you’re gonna be part of my team now?” he bit his lip. “You’ll be my...ummm...I’ll think of something.”

“I look forward to it.” you giggled.

“Hm for now...come here.” he winked, gently holding the side of your face. Noctis kissed you. You felt your senses go off. You instantly grabbed his face, kissing him back.

...

You fell back on the hotel bed, refusing to disconnect from a feverish prince throwing himself at you. He kissed you with urgency, as if you would disappear before his eyes. He tore a rip up your dress hastily.

Your tongues clashed together as you kissed, the air was getting heavy. You helped Noctis out of his jacket. Your dress had turned to ribbons and your panties weren’t too far behind.

“N-noctis..” you hissed, feeling his hands explore every inch of your body.

“You feel even better than I imagined you would.” he kissed your bare stomach. “You’re so beautiful.” he moaned. It was like you were the goddess, the royal, and he was the peasant.

You felt shy under his gaze. He stared up at you, biting his lip. “I don’t think I can wait...” he groaned. “A-are you okay with this?”

“God, yes.” you mewled as he kissed your thighs.

“I wanna worship you.” he moaned, ghosting his lips over your center. You shyly stared down at Noctis who looked up at you with a shit eating grin.

He sunk his tongue into you, lashing against your pussy. You instantly grabbed a fist full of his hair. You and him both were a mess. Hisses and prolonged moans escaped your lungs along with his name. You were sure the people in the next room could hear you.

Noctis crawled over you again, a predatory glare in his eyes. He bit his lip, staring down at you. “You’re so fucking cute...”

...

“I’d do anything for you.” he moaned against your lips. “I’ll take care of you for the rest of my life.” he whimpered, his thrusts growing sloppily. He bucked his hips rhythmically, your bodies moving and grinding in sweet friction. His cock twitched inside of you as he grew near his release, but he wanted to wait. He wanted to cum to the sounds of your cries and screams. ”Gonna make you my queen and w-we’ll rule together until our hearts give out baby. F-FUUUCCKK.”

“Noctis.” you croaked. Hearing his words in your ear made you hiss in delight. This alone caused him to dig his nails into your sides and thrust even deeper into your heat. You didn’t know what else do you but let a stream of cries escape your lungs.

“I love it when you say my name.” he grunted. “Say it again.”

“N-noctis.” your insides lurched as you tightened around his length. “I wanna- I’m gonna-”

“Again.” he barked. “Never stop saying my name. Never say another man’s name!” he sank his teeth into the crook of your neck. “You’re mine, baby. You’re all mine.” he growled.

“Noctisss.” you arched your back. “F-fu-” you whimpered, at the impact. “S-shit!”

Noctis yanked himself from you, spraying his cum all over your stomach. Shortly before, you came too, feeling your water run down your leg. He fell forward, burying his head into your neck. “Baby, I’d fucking do everything for you.”

You shook under his body, whimpering at his gentle touches. You felt him kiss your need lovingly as you both drifted off to sleep.

...

#noctis x reader #noctis lucis caelum #noctis lucis caelum x reader #ffxv x reader #ffxv imagines #ffxv lemon #ffxv scenarios #final fantasy 15 #noctis final fantasy #x reader #noctis imagines #noctis lucis caelum imagines #noctis smut #noctis imagine #ffxv headcanons #imagines #x readers #multifandom

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makeste · 3 years

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hello! I’ve seen some debate as to whether the 2nd meant allies in general would bolster izuku and although I do think that’s true (ofc any sort of support system that he lets himself rely on would bolster him) I feel like if that was what was meant it would’ve been made clearer? maybe instead of just katsuki showing up, the final panel would’ve had several students burst onto the scene. what are your thoughts?

agreed. and incidentally this is another big reason why it's not Toga. if it was her then Horikoshi wouldn't have devoted any time to OFA II's little hype speech. it just makes it kind of pointless, unless this whole time we've been sleeping on Toga's hidden ability to bolster Deku lmao.

but anyways, yeah. and I mean, Two's commentary here is really just acknowledgement of something we've long since known already. Kacchan is the one who will ultimately be able to reach Deku. we don't actually need a piece of dialogue to tell us this, because the manga has been showing it to us since day one. his resume is fucking stacked. I mean, let's go through it.

he is mean.

I love this you guys. I honest to god love it. because the thing is, if you ask anyone what Kacchan's absolute worst quality is, this would be the obvious answer, right? "he's an asshole" lmao.

but that's exactly what we need right now!! someone who's not afraid to tell it like it is, and won't try to sugarcoat things. someone who's not afraid to argue back and risk hurting someone's feelings. because right now Deku is walking all over anyone who can't do that. All Might tries to feed him lunch and he's like "nah I'm good, anyways bye." Endeavor tries to tell him to rest and he's all "I'm fine" and fucking hangs up the phone. nuh uh. enough of that. what we need is someone who will call him out on his shit. "hah!? don't tell me you're fine when it's obvious to anyone you can barely stand on your own two feet, dumbass."

he is stubborn.

kind of ties into the other thing, but yeah. right now we need a bullheaded asshole who won't take no for an answer if he thinks he's right. good luck trying to sweet talk your way out of this one, Deku.

he understands the situation.

this one is important, because in fairness, simply standing in front of Deku and saying "you shall not pass" isn't gonna be enough to actually accomplish anything here. ultimately he's going to have to be able to reason with Deku too. and so in that respect, it certainly doesn't hurt that Kacchan is someone who understands the OFA situation as well as anyone, and has always had clear judgment about it. he understands the threat of AFO ("they all died young"), and he understands the burden of All Might's legacy. he knows what Deku is dealing with, and that's going to give him an edge when it comes to finding that elusive-yet-critical talk no jutsu knockout blow.

he's been where Deku is now.

Kacchan knows a thing or two about burdens. granted, they've more often than not been ones that he's put on himself, but that didn't make them any less heavy. Deku right now is struggling not just with his feelings of responsibility, but also with all of the misplaced guilt that's feeding into it. AFO is targeting him. if innocent people get caught in the crossfire then that's on him. every minute that AFO stays out there getting stronger and causing more chaos is all on him, because he hasn't defeated him yet. and so on and so forth.

and Katsuki knows what that's like. because he blamed himself for what happened to All Might. that feeling of "if I'd only been stronger" is one that he's intimately acquainted with. that feeling of blaming yourself, of not being able to look someone you care about in the eye because you think it's your fault they got hurt. this is something he knows. this is a road he's already been down. and so if Deku tries to pull any "you don't understand" nonsense, Kacchan is uniquely situated to immediately shoot that shit right down.

he's immune to low blows.

lol I keep thinking of all the different counterarguments that Deku could make, and all the different ways in which Kacchan is perfectly equipped to handle them. anyway, so this particular thing is a very recent development, but very fortunately timed. so as we all know, Kacchan was a first class dick to Deku during their childhood. something which Deku, with his abnormally kind and forgiving nature, has never once confronted Kacchan about, even though he would have absolutely had the right. but anyway, so here's the thing though -- right now I fully believe that Deku can and will do or say just about anything in order to get Kacchan and the others to leave. and that includes hurting them in order to save them. so it would not surprise me at all if Deku goes as far as to throw Katsuki's old, cruel, selfish behavior back in his face as part of a last-ditch effort to get him to back down. desperate times and all that.

and maybe there was a time when that actually would have worked. but here's the other thing -- we know something Deku doesn't. namely, that Kacchan has recently leveled up emotionally and has finally unlocked his atonement quest. he finally understands that it's not all about him. which means that it doesn't matter even if Deku pulls out the big guns. he may hurt his feelings, but he's not going to scare him off, because Kacchan's focus right now is on atonement, not forgiveness. he's not doing this for a pat on the head. he's doing it because it's the right thing to do. and no amount of insults will be able to sway him from that.

he learned from the best.

I said this in another post a couple of weeks back, but yeah. Angsty Nomad Deku has nothing on early Kacchan in terms of pushing people away. early Kacchan was the motherfucking king of pushing peeps away. if you so much as LOOKED at this kid in such a way that SUGGESTED you might even be THINKING about possibly trying to save him, he would straight up throw a ten-year hissy fit lmao. Deku's "All Might, you don't have to tag along anymore"s ain't got SHIT on all of Kacchan's "STAY BACK DEKU"s and "I'D RATHER LOSE!!!"s and "OMFG HOW DARE YOU BE THE ONLY PERSON TO TRY TO SAVE ME FROM THIS RAMPAGING SLUDGE MAN WHO'S ABOUT TO SUFFOCATE ME TO DEATH"s. Kacchan is the undisputed goat here lol.

but anyway, so what this means is that he has accumulated a whole HOST of iconic lines and fateful parallels which he can throw back in Deku's face at a moment's notice. and the best part is that he learned it all from THIS EXACT MOTHERFUCKER, RIGHT HERE. what is Deku even gonna do!! argue against his own past actions?? "well, uh, I guess now that you mention it I should have just sat back and watched you die all those times" OH REALLY?? YOU DON'T SAY. THAT SOUNDS SO CONVINCING.

and so guess what, Deku -- if Kacchan was worth saving, then you're worth saving too. it's an ironclad argument. congratulations son you played yourself.

he always wins.

okay so real talk, we all know that what's really driving Deku right now is his fear of losing people. he's helpless against that. he saw Kacchan get stabbed right before his eyes and it fucked him up. he saw all these other people getting hurt and killed because he couldn't save them, and he straight up could not deal with those emotions at all. he's scared. he's more afraid of that happening again than of anything else. and AFO knows that, and that's why he's resorted to his current tactics, which have isolated Deku even further and caused him to push even All Might away.

what Deku is missing right now, and what he needs to have restored, is trust. trust is the antidote to fear. and when you're as scared as Deku is, it takes an extraordinary amount of assurance in order to ease those fears. basically you don't want to place your faith in anything less than an absolutely sure thing.

but Kacchan is exactly that. this is the exact type of situation that Kacchan's "aiming for the top" overkill confidence was made for. he's the one who never loses!! the hero who's going to surpass all other heroes!! Deku inherited All Might's compassion, but Kacchan inherited his determination. Kacchan is someone who brings reassurance. his confidence is unwavering. and in the end, I think it will be strong enough to pull even Deku back out from the darkness.

he is strong.

Kacchan is Deku's rival in every sense of the word, and I fully believe he's capable of matching him step for step even now. and so Deku can try to push him away, but Kacchan is capable of withstanding that force and staying his ground. Deku can try to run, but Kacchan still has him matched for speed. and as a last resort, Deku can even try to defeat him -- but Kacchan won't ever concede to defeat.

and all of this ties back into what I was saying about trust. because Kacchan is strong. strong enough not to die. strong enough to live. strong enough to not make others worry about him. and that's what Deku so desperately needs right now in order to finally let go of his fears. Deku needs someone who can get him to trust in others again, and to do that, he has to be able to trust in their strength.

and last but not least...

he has a secret weapon up his sleeve.

several, as a matter of fact. his hero name reveal. his apology, if he chooses to give it now (though I could see him waiting for a more sincere moment, rather than whipping it out now when it could be misconstrued as a manipulation tactic). but perhaps most importantly...

never underestimate the power of an iconic role reversal. because that's what I'm getting at here, if it wasn't clear lol. this probably would have worked better if I had a picture of him actually reaching out to Deku. but I mean, that's kind of the point lol. I don't have one because he hasn't done it yet. BUT CAN YOU IMAGINE. good luck withstanding that, Deku.

so yeah. look at all that. he really is a one-man Deku-saving army. which is not to say that the other kids won't have a part to play as well, or that it's not important for them to be there, because it is. but as far as the lead role goes, it's Kacchan. like that astronaut meme guy says. always has been.

oh and as a bonus he was smart enough to finally leave the mask at home today lol. LET DEKU SEE THE SINCERITY IN YOUR EYES. YESSSSSSS.

#bnha 318 #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bakudeku #bnha meta #bakugou meta #deku meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #asks #anon asks

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jackklinemybeloved · 3 years

Text

A Non-Exhaustive List of All The Stupid Shit That Happened In Season 15 of Supernatural

(In Case Any Of You Are Tempted To Watch More Supernatural [*side-eyes the shitty prequel*] And Need a Reminder of How Bad The Show Got)

ALL of the souls in hell are released (including the ghosts the boys have defeated over the years) and it’s resolved in like. Three episodes. (15x01-15x03)

It is implied that Rowena fucked Jack the Ripper. He is also an antagonist for the episode but like. He’s not really a huge deal in the grand scheme of things. (15x02)

A major side character gets his heart ripped out because he chose not to give a demon the Winchester’s location. She finds them anyway with no struggle and then dies almost immediately. (15x03)

Sam and Dean come across a couple that is killing people to help their newly turned vampire child. There are many parallels drawn to their relationship with Jack, even though they both tricked him into being trapped in a coffin for eternity and Dean tried to kill him multiple times. They both say if they could’ve helped Jack the way the parents helped their kid, they would’ve. They kill the vampire kid anyway. (15x04)

God brings Lilith back (retconning the idea that God has no power in the empty) and all she does is destroy a gun and die. Anyone could’ve done that. At least she was one of the two actors who tried this season (the other is Jake Abel). (15x05)

Chuck takes away Sam and Dean’s Main Character Status, so they start having normal people problems. Fun concept, yes? Except for the part where Sam Winchester, a man who was raised to hunt monsters since infancy, misses a punch to a huge guy’s unmoving face by like an entire foot. There’s other examples of this in the episode, really just saying these characters are only skilled or in anyway important because The Narrative Dictates It. Not a cool way to end your fifteen year long character driven show. (15x10)

Jack goes to the Garden of Eden and that somehow restores his soul? There’s also a spirit of a young girl who greets him and tells him “[the garden will change him] if [he] was the one meant to find it.” Who she is and the reason God created some weird prophecy for someone who he was threatened by and didn’t plan on existing are both not explained. (15x13)

THEE biblical Adam is revealed to be A.) alive and B.) romantically involved with an angel named Serafina. Neither of these things are explained. Eve isn’t even mentioned. (15x17)

Speaking of Adam, he’s on a revenge quest to kill God. So he tests Jack by giving him a riddle. Why? Most of Jack’s trials have been strengthening him, both his body and soul, in order to have enough power to kill God. If Adam and Billie are so desperate to kill God, why give him a riddle? What if he gets it wrong? Is the whole plan abandoned? Plus the riddle is “which one of these rocks has been blessed by God” and the answer is “all of them, because God is in everything.” Very weird take from a group of people who want God dead but like. Okay. (15x17)

Sam and Dean have a life and death argument that prevents them from killing the main villain and neither of their arguments make sense. The argument ends when Sam asks Dean if he would let him die and Dean refuses even though he literally has a gun pointed at Sam for the entire argument. (15x17)

Jack explodes in the cold open of one episode and it makes me laugh every time I see it. (15x18)

The absolute racist bullshit that was the villianization of Billie. (15x18)

Do I even have to. Do I even have to say it. (15x18).

God brings Lucifer back and it has little to no effect on the plot. (15x19)

Chuck punches Sam and Dean repeatedly for like two minutes, uninterrupted. He also just says “Guys. Stay down. Guys stoppppp. Stop. Stay down” the whole time and it’s so bad. (15x19)

Bobby tells Dean “Cas helped” Jack fix heaven, and Dean has no further questions, even though Cas is his best friend and last he knew, Cas was dead. (15x20)

Blurry wife. (15x20)

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you-cant-spell-subtext-without · 3 years

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so get this. I was gonna roll around in Tombstone related fluff today - but no, no - this post came across my dash so Now We Are Gonna Discuss the Carnal Consumption of Meat as it appears on That Show Supernatural. YEAH BUDDIES!

(also my sincere apologies to OP of the inspiration post who innocently tagged it with “lunch date!” because I am about to go Elsewhere, cursedly).

Let’s all go meat man, after the cut!

This analysis centers primarily on 5x14 Bloody Valentine. The title of course is a semi-homage to a 3D Slasher Film Jensen starred in circa 2009.

Which I will be renting soon I guess. ,[<- parasocial panda GET BACK IN YOUR ENCLOSURE]

Also Its Really Fun that the trailer for Said Cinema ends with “nothing says date movie like a 3-D ride to hell” [are you also thinking of Cas pulling Dean out of hell, or are you normal?] ***unironically the teaser for 5x14 is -

EXT. SIDEWALK - IN FRONT OF ALICE'S APARTMENT BUILDING

RUSSEL

First date.

They then eat each other. Literally they eat each others flesh. They also do it while dirty talking about it. SPN IS A SHOW

ALICE Ugh! I've been so alone. So empty...

RUSSEL I know. Me too.

ALICE I want you, Russel---All of you... inside me...

[they both take bites out of each other, Alice chewing on a piece of Russel's flesh]

****Remember this detail, as it is important.

ANYWAY, it’s truly Cursed that not only are we doing an homage to this 3-D Jensen Horror Date Flick but also this episode is specifically centered on Valentine’s Day. The day honoring romance and love Now Coopted by Hallmark, everyone, that is the day spn writers chose to introduce us to

Sir Horseman of THE Biblical Apocalypse Famine.

Canonically, we are aware that the show is drawing from the book of Revelations in its depiction of the Four Horsemen. Here’s what it says about Famine -

"When He broke the third seal, I heard the third living creature saying, "Come." I looked, and behold, a black horse; and he who sat on it had a pair of scales in his hand.”

-Revelations 6:5

Famine holds scales (used to weigh out grain in times of food scarcity). Spn’s depiction is represented as hunger, a bottomless pit of need. It consumes souls (demon and human alike).

Cas describes Famine a little more poetically:

CASTIEL

"And then will come Famine riding on a black steed. He will ride into the land of plenty... "

"... and great will be the Horseman's hunger, for he is hunger. "

"His hunger will seep out and poison the air. "

***Consider a prior season in which we are introduced to the Seven Deadly Sins. Which are the sins associated with hunger?

Gluttony

and Lust.

***this is also important

Back to the episode. Case cold open, and we find out that Alice was a Nice Girl. In that she didnt drink, smoke or

have premarital sex.

***So Alice’s hunger for the sin of Lust caused her to succumb to it; and her demise was presented as Gluttony (literally eating her partner’s flesh). HMM

Famine’s presence is affecting the town, and Cas is not immune.

DEAN

And when did you start eating?

CASTIEL

Exactly. My hunger-- it's a clue, actually.

***They lay it out a little more in case you missed it ->

SAM

I thought famine meant starvation, like as in, you know, food.

CASTIEL

Yes. Absolutely. But not just food. I mean, everyone seems to be starving for something--Sex, attention, drugs, love...

***this is so important. but of course because its spn and our textual narrators are generally unreliable (even in a Ben Edlund episode, yes I know)

we get a red herring

CASTIEL

Right. The cherub made them crave love, and then Famine came, and made them rabid for it.

***but that’s not accurate. they didn’t get married or become obsessed with each other (remember the cursed coin in 4x08 Wishful Thinking and the unconditional love wish? not what happened here). they had premarital sex. they did the thing Alice considers wrong, and dark, and sinful. and then they ate each others’ flesh.

DEAN

Okay, but what about you? I mean, since when do angels secretly hunger for White Castle?

CASTIEL

It's my vessel-- Jimmy. His, uh, appetite for red meat has been touched by Famine's effect

***mad lad Jimmy Novak’s hunger is for...red meat? He is starving for red meat? You are telling me that the Novaks, red blooded conservative religious midwestern Novaks, ate RED MEAT SO SPARINGLY that Jimmy Novak was LITERALLY starving for it?!?! No way. Absolutely no way. This is a man who was such a religious zealot he STUCK HIS HAND IN BOILING WATER and accepted an angel of the lord into his own body but his secret hunger was for fucking ground beef?

give me a damn break.

to me this is an absolute coverup. Because Cas’s burger consumption is not related one iota to his vessel Jimmy Novak.

it is a representation of Cas falling. Cas’s cravings for meat represent his growing (and very much prohibited) feelings for...humanity (Dean Winchester), and they are presenting as Gluttony in the form of his downing more and more copious amounts of red meat.

SERIOUSLY, consider this - at one point the depiction is so desperately carnal that he is eating raw ground beef with his bare hands. It is fucking uncomfortable. and it is SUPPOSED to be. Famine stirs up hunger for the prohibited. For the sinful. That which we are starving for but do not believe we can ever have, so we lust and we lust and we LUST after it, but should we allow ourselves even just a taste of what we have been ravenously craving, we binge it until we ourselves disappear into the oblivion of our own sinful, dark desires.

Since You Want More Examples of why this cant possibly be hunger for Cheeseburgers and Cheeseburgers alone, Consider Famine’s effect on Dean. Remember his doctor kink?

**when its revealed that Doctor Corman has succumbed to Famine’s poison by drinking himself to death, Dean - very uncharacteristically by the way - reacts by saying out loud

DEAN Thanks. Crap! I really kind of liked this guy.

***please note that Doctor Corman says the following to Dean in the prior scene they have together -

DR. CORMAN [to Dean]

Agent Marley, you just can't stay away.

****was that a flirtation?

***Also, Dean doesn’t want to go out and chase tail for Valentines Day.

SAM

I mean, what do you always call it-- Uh, unattached drifter Christmas?

DEAN

Oh, yeah. Well... be that as it may...I don't know. Guess I'm not feeling it this year.

SAM

So you're not into bars full of lonely women?

DEAN

Nah, I guess not. [takes a sip of his beer] Ahh. What?

SAM

That's when a dog doesn't eat-- That's when you know something's really wrong.

***oh look we are relating things to eating again. sex/lust to gluttony. hmmm hmmm hmmm

ANYHOW - *takes deep breath*

this is also the Episode Where This Scene Lives

****JACKTING JOICES

oh and speaking of jacting joices, this is also the Dean Notices Cupids Crotch Episode.

frAckles, I am once again asking why you only permit celestial beings to hug you from behi-[gunshots]

but Dean isn’t hungry. Why? Famine has the explanation, and we get it after Dean immediately runs inside after Cas heads in to complete his portion of their plan barely giving him any time to do so because he misses him that much.

FAMINE

I disagree. [Famine moves closer to Dean and touches him] Yes. I see. That's one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean. Can't fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex.

DEAN

Oh, you're so full of crap.

FAMINE

Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself, but not to me!

***not Dean making all of those homophobic/homoerotic jokes every time he’s in danger or feeing uncomfortable; not that, that can’t possibly be what Famine is referencing, right?

I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are, how defeated.

***not THIS parallel:

AMARA:

You're a mystery. I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel, except… It's cloaked in shame

You can't win, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just... keep going through the motions.

***not the motions of performative heterosexuality!!

***Dean’s not hungry because in his heart he truly believes that he can’t actually have what he hungers for. That Thing Which This Episode Overtly but Also Very Clearly Made Obvious. It’s an angel riding shotgun [I did Do That and I am Not Sorry], eating a burger in the front seat of the impala. But, I’ve deviated from the meat of this essay [gunshots] [this time just for the bad joke].

BONUS

there’s Exists another episode in which a man ravenously consumes red meat; eventually succumbing to eating raw beef with his bare hands in the season prior to this one.

Yes Supernatural the Show That Brought Us Not One But Two Scenes of Persons Carnally Consuming Red Meat With Their Bare Hands.

This episode is a MOTW - the man in question is a rougaru - a monster that starts out as human but due to some specific genetic disorder (hmmm hmmm hmm crack in THE chassis hmmm hmmm) soon begins to be extremely hungry - “for everything, but eventually long pig.” AKA human flesh.

Wanna know the kicker?

Episode’s called Metamorphosis.

(GIF by jackttwist)

I’ll see myself out.

[DOUBLE BONUS for extra credit:

if you really wanna wild out, go watch the scene of Jack the rougaru looking at himself in the mirror in 4x04 - and then meander on over to 7x01 and check out God!stiel looking in the mirror as the leviathans writhe inside him over there. It’s worth the walk.]

***oh and @lilac-void im tagging you in this one because in exchange for your KIND creator content nomination I guess I will respond by cursing you with an Honorary tag in this, a Meat Meta. you’re welcome slash I'm sorry XO [but seriously thank you again for your kindness and appreciation; it really motivated me to sit down and get moving on making more content <3]

#yes I did do a meat meta #and what of it #destiel #spn #spn fandom #supernatural #spn family #myspnmeta #my spn meta #hellerism #deancas #longpost #spn analysis #spn 5x14 #spn bloody valentine #meat meta #<- I do not even want to know or see what else that tag would lead to

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shortpplfedup · 3 years

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First off...can we talk about the quality on display here? ITSAY was already high quality cinema, with fantastic direction, production, cinematography and acting, but honestly they look to have kicked things up SEVERAL notches in all departments. IPYTM really does have a completely different feel, even in the scenes that look to be set in Phuket. Everything in ITSAY was bathed in this golden light, the colour grading was very warm toned even in the nighttime scenes. It glowed. IPYTM looks much more 'real world', like the fantasy has lifted. It's a cooler palette, the light is more white, and the colours are truer. Also, it looks like our boys have hit a new level, acting wise, and I can't wait to see it.

I find it narratively delicious that now it looks like the tables have turned. Whereas before Teh was the one confused, doubting, the one who didn't understand himself, everything he has gone through has now made him sure. He is sure of his dream, having almost lost it. He is sure of his love, having walked through the fire for it. Teh has come through this first journey of discovery and arrived on the other side. But now Oh Aew is faltering. I talked in the ITSAY analyses about Oh's self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. To him, Teh is a fixed point that he set his eyes on long ago, and he has judged himself against Teh in terms of his abilities and his dreams. Without that driver, he has always been more ambivalent about his future, more unsure, more unquiet. So what now happens when his world expands? When there are now other standards to judge against, other interests to maybe pursue?

We see in the trailer the boys auditioning together, might whatever happens there be a catalyst for Oh Aew starting to question whether this dream he fell into while his eyes were fixed on Teh is really what he wants? In my episode 1 ITSAY rewatch analysis, I said this:

...Teh does still subconsciously think that Oh Aew isn’t quite up to his level in terms of talent, smarts and dedication, and Oh Aew still suffers from the self-doubt caused by Teh’s words all those years ago. The fact that Teh also loves him so desperately (ah, youth) he will totally self-immolate to take the obstacles out of Oh Aew’s path and give him whatever his heart desires (ep 4), and that Oh Aew will let go of his own desires to keep Teh in his life (ep 5) is a powder keg of a relationship dynamic.

Teh knows that he's good at acting, that he wants to be an actor, and it looks like he delves into it even outside of school. Contrast with Oh, who seems to spend his time outside of school with friends, partying, hanging out. This tracks, he was always the more social one, it's how he drew Teh out of himself. Now the very traits that drew them to each other are starting to come between them. The realer Teh's dream gets...

...the more Oh feels lost and confused.

And we know that when Teh is suffering he turns inward, while Oh turns outward, to others. And it looks like Teh REALLY does not like how Oh does that:

There are so many parallels and callbacks to ITSAY in the IPYTM trailer, but there are two that really stood out to me:

Teh is going to find it hard, on multiple levels, to accept Oh faltering this way. It's an impulse he doesn't understand at all, giving up. Teh is a 'find a way' type of guy, and also probably can't fathom going through everything they went through and then just quitting.

The second callback that stood out for me:

My god, he's even wearing the same shirt. That's blatant symbolism, they wanted to make it CLEAR what's happening here, they want to send you right back to that moment when you see this scene.

There are lots of other fun little tidbits in the trailer I'll probably do a few more posts on next week. I'm so excited to see this next part of Teh and Oh's story.

#i promised you the moon #i told sunset about you #itsay #itsay 2 #ipytm #bkpp supremacy #bkpp #translate my love with your heart

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spencerhotchner · 3 years

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Alternative {spencer reid}

Chapter 1

summary: Since quarentine was announced, Y/N decided to rewatch all seasons of Criminal Minds. On a lonely night she wished she could be in that universe instead of this. What happens when she wakes up in 2008 in Quantico?

warnings: angst, a very confused reader, regular cm stuff and my grammar (if you find anything else pls lmk

word count: 2k

a/n: i have this idea while watching a movie about parallel universes and all, so i just wanted to try this out. it will be a 10 parts series! im not really sure about this, i think i kinda hate it but im posting it anyways lmao. i hope you gonna enjoy!

series masterlist

part 1 | part 2

You woke up feeling dizzy and with a major headache. At first you thought it was because you drank a whole lot of wine last night but then you saw yourself in a room you never saw before. You stoop up quickly trying to understand where you were and how did you end up there. You were sure that you have never been in this place before, and it was scaring you that you showed up in there.

There was a mirror nailed to the wall in from of you almost forcing you to look at your own body, that made you notice that you were still wearing the same clothes from last night, but you weren’t home. Not being home was odd given by the fact you stayed there with your family and two friends you invited over, since there’s a whole freaking pandemic going on and you for sure did not want to get sick or get other people sick.

“Did I get kidnapped?” you think out loud. “No, I just watch too much Criminal Minds.” you tell yourself, trying to calm down.

You reach for the face mask placed on the nightstand, getting ready to leave this random place and go home. You tried not to freak out when you realized your phone was gone and the only cellphone in there was probably as old as your grandmother. You dialed your moms number about five times and all of them went on voicemail, making you curse mentally.

This can’t be happening. Not to me.

As soon as you leave the apartment you were in you realized you weren’t in your hometown, definitely not. It was crowded, like, really crowded and no one was wearing any face masks. Where did the freaking pandemic go? You wondered while you felt like a misfit for being the only one wearing it.

“Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” you ask an old lady walking by.

“You’re on Main Street, sweetheart.” she says.

“No, um, I mean the city.” you watched as the old lady looked at you with a funny face, as if she was calling you crazy on her mind.

“We’re in Quantico, dear.”

“Quantico?” you repeat, mostly for yourself then for her. The lady started at you like you were an alien. “Thank you so much, ma’am.”

The air started to go low on you, how did you get to Virginia, anyway? That was across the country from where you lived, Bellevue in Washington state. You started lost walking, trying to understand what the hell was going on. It felt like you were on a parallel universe, like you were in a dream but couldn't wake up and it sure felt very real. You stoped a jornal shop taking a lot at the last newspaper in there, trying to figure if something happened that you were missing. However, nothing reported there shocked you, what did, though, was the date.

July 1st, 2008

You were about to ask someone about it when you bumped into a blonde woman, falling on the ground. As soon as you looked up, you almost chocked yourself. If the day was already weird, this was even weirder. A.J Cook was standing right in front of you with a concerned look. You couldn't really say anything, just staring at her like she wasn't real. It was weird seeing her in front of you after only seeing her through screens.

“I’m so sorry!” she said as she offered a hand for you to get up. “Are you ok?”

“I- um, yes! I’m fine.” you san, getting the dirt out of your outfit. “I’m a big fan of yours! Wish I had my phone here to take a picture but- sorry.“ you stoped talking, realizing she probably doesn’t care.

“Big fan of me? Wow, howcome somebody’s a fan of me?” she sounds surprised.

“Well, you’re on Criminal Minds.” you say as it was obvious.

She looked at you as if you were out of your mind. Not that you weren't thinking otherwise at the moment, anyways.

“I’m on what now?” she asked.

Maybe you got confused and she was the wrong person, but she looked so much like her to not be her. If they were not the same person, then definitely twins. This was so weird, once again, you found yourself asking ‘what the hell’ mentally.

“You’re JJ, Jennifer Jareau, FBI Agent and all.” you say, trying one more time. “Behaviour Analysis Unit...”

“Yea, that‘s me.” she let a nervous laugh comes out of her mouth. “How do you know me?”

‘This is weird’ you thought. How does she not understand where you know her from? Literally Criminal Minds, like you said at first. ‘Maybe this is all a dream.’

“I saw you on tv” you try.

“Oh, I see! You like law enforcement?” she asks you.

“Oh yes, I’m in law-school to be a judge someday.” you answered. “The show, all of it just makes me wanna put all them bad guys in jail.” you say, laughing a bit.

“The show...? What?” you hear her whisper, but decide to ignore it. “What’s the mask about?” JJ asks, making you look at her surprised.

“Um, covid-19?�� you say like it’s obvious, because it is.

“Oh, sure...” she smiles as she says it, almost like she's only agreeing because she won't discuss it. “Great talking to you, really, but I gotta go, FBI duty calls.” she jokes.

You smile at her watching carefully as she picks up her phone from her pocket and pick up a call. That phone looked awfully old, like 2000’s old. Why would a famous actress have that kinda of phone? Then, you looked around trying to understand more about what was going on. It was all too out of place.

First, nobody wearing masks, not even a single person but you. Second, you were in a city in which is miles away from your own. Third, a famous actress acted like she’s nobody. And fourth, the date on the calendar said 2008.

If it wasn’t just impossible I would say I time travelled into Criminal Minds universe.

After standing there for literal 10 minutes trying to figure it out what you were going to do, you decide to go to the police department. After all, you may have been abducted, right? Because you didn’t have any knowledge of the place, you took quite some time to get there. As soon as you got there you sigh in relief, that has been quite a walk and damn, you were tired of this situation.

“Excuse me, ma’am, can you help me?” you ask to the lady standing behind the counter.

“Sure, dear. What do you need?” she looks up at you, taking her glasses of her face.

“I think I might have been abducted?” you start. “I woke up in this random apartment.”

“Maybe you had a one-night stand.” she said putting back her glasses.

“No! I am sure I didn’t because first of all, there’s a pandemic going on, second of all I was in Bellevue in Washington state when I went to sleep.” you yell, involuntarily, desperate to make her believe in you.

“Miss, I’m gonna need you to calm down or you will be escorted out of the building. You’re probably on drugs, there's nothing we can do for you.”

“Fuck you.” you say as you watch her face get all red.

Frustrated. That could define what you were feeling, scared and worried could do the work, as well. What were you going to do now? Go to the FBI to see if they could freaking understand why you simply appeared in Quantico? Didn't sound like a bad idea in your mind as you decided to just try it out. After all, you were already pretty screwed up, it would worth a shot.

You reached for your back pocket, hoping that the money you shoved in there more than a week ago would still be in there. Bingo! You pull out a 20 dollar bill out of it and the next thing you know you’re getting into a cab asking him to take you to the FBI. Now that’s something you never thought would happen. The travel was quite quick, in 20 minutos you were standing in front of that big isolated building. It looked like it was taken straight out of your favorite show, that was insane.

The wind blew hard on you when you got out of the vehicle, making you shiver a little, that reminded you that you did not have any clothes nor money to buy more. God, you did not even have where to go. You didn't even get the chance to get into the building as a big man steps in front of you, blocking your way.

“Miss, you're not allowed in this building.” he said without much expression.

“But, sir-” you started, as you saw he was about to interrupt you, you go on. “Ive been abducted and I don't know where or how the hell did I get in here, I’m completely hopeless... Please.” you beg him.

He started at you for a couple of seconds, that felt like centuries for you, just to sigh at you.

“Ok, follow me.” he said. “Do not make me regret this.”

“I-I won’t, sir.” you were quick to answer.

The agent asked another man to cover up for him as he led me into the building. Once again you found yourself admired of how much it did look like a Criminal Minds episode in there, if you weren't totally desperate you'd be amused. Soon, you two were out of the elevator on floor 8, leading with the words Behavior Analysis Unit quite big.

“Can you take her to Agent Jareau, please?” the man said to someone who passed by, who simply agreed.

Now, that's a funny coincidence, there's actually an Agent Jareau in the BAU.

You followed the woman with questioning trying to stay calm when you saw Matthew Gray Gubler sitting on a desk reading some book in Reid style, almost like he was Spencer himself. If you had any doubts you were going crazy, that was the final proof. You stoped walking, taking a stare at him and then at the Agent that stared a you like you were an alien.

“Is there something wrong?” she asks you. “Miss, are you ok?”

You were unable to answer for a few seconds when you finally opened you mouth, still trying to figure it out how to say what was on your mind without sounding completely insane.

“Is that Dr. Spencer Reid?”

And that was all you’re able to say because as soon as you let his name out of your mouth he looked up at you, trying to somehow recognize you. You were sure, that time, that you never looked - and sounded - as insane as right now.

“Yes, that's me.” he answers.

His voice was the last thing you could hear before everything go black. Maybe you were finally going to wake up. Maybe.

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verobatto · 3 years

Text

Unrequited Destiel...

The Legend of The Sun and The Moon

I just wanted to explain in a few words to those that are asking why Dean didn't reply to Cas or why is Jensen talking about angelical way to feel things.

I know they're a lot of post saying WE TOLD YOU THIS AND THAT, and is true. Because if you read my Destiel Chronicles from the beginning, you will see I ALWAYS CALLED THE UNREQUITED LOVE FROM CAS AND DEAN'S POV.

Some of you disbelieves this idea, but is the only way to intepretate why Destiel is the slowest slow burn ever.

No more intro, let's suffer together...

Season 4 and 5 JUST A FLIRTING GAME

Once Dean was pulled out from Hell, Castiel wanted to talk with him. He didn't wait a second. Things blew and it was messy, and even Bobby was scared that that thing would hurt his idjit. But it was just Cas, trying to speak with Dean, desperately trying to reach him in his true form. Why? Because he wanted to talk with him. He had to explain Dean's mission but also, he felt fascinated. And even more after their first meeting face to face when he was finally able to find a vessel.

And Dean just it took him just a little of his time to feel the same fascination. The almighty angel, that could see right through his soul.

But also the angel that said things like...

And we have the handprint too, such an intimate sign between these two.

Castiel showing him, honestly showing him with words and actions, his special interest on him:

"My superiors begun to question my sympathies. I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You."

How would Dean take this here? The poor guy just decided to check out the angel, and speechless as he was at that moment, couldn't reply to it. "Is he flirting with me? Does he know how gay this sounds?"

Then Cas rebel against Heaven for Dean. Dean pushed him, the whole he pushed Cas to help him. If you rewatch season 4 Dean is constantly asking Cas to help him. Because he already know Cas was different. Because he felt Cas was his friend, his ally, and something else it was growing up in his chest.

While Cas pushed him against the wall, cut his forearm and drew the sigil, Dean's face is full of awe. He can't believe this soldier powerful angel is doing this for him.

And then... "We're making it up as we go."

Gif credit @cyxnrose

The beginning of season 5 is a very busy Cas searching for God, but also, the flirtation begins. Dean is like a cute boy flirting with his crush. The second meaning jokes, trying to figure out if Cas catch it is hilarious. But he will understand 'Cas doesn't understand that reference.'

From Dean's POV in these two season, we coul under he thinks angels are junk less.

Season 6: The profound Bond and the Longing

The romantic feeling from both sides began to flow even more when Castiel goes into the black side, and the first Destiel break up appears infron of our eyes in the middle of a very romantic scenes.

Gif credit @starlightcastiel

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

The last gif is out of discussion, bot men looking at each other with sad eyes, longing and as if their conversation isn't over. Dean being disappointed at Cas and Cas trying to make him see his point. Everything he does, he does it for Dean.

And now we know why it is.

Season 7: Mourning Dean and the Jealousy

Even with Showrunner Sera Gamble trying to focus Dean's morning into a Wincest subtext, we had put king Ben Edlund came to the rescue in episode 7x09.

Putting things in order, we were faced with Dean's source of depression: Castiel's death.

So, after that, when Cas really comes back, the reunion is another romantic movie. The MEMORY LOST trope.

And then... Castiel's pseudo wife...

The trope is getting better with the spicy Jealousy in Dean's eyes.

Gif credit @impalaofgrace

So he can't completely enjoy Cas is back because:

1) He doesn't remember him: so, how can be mad or anything else if Cas doesn't remember any details of their break up?

2)The guy has a wife! Okay, so, he has a wife, he easily got a wife from... Nowhere?

And then Meg comes and he is Jealous all over again!

Dean is a really mess of feelings, but in the end, when Cas recalls everything, and when I say everything, i mean Dean, because the majority of his memories was him, Dean just pulls out from his car Castiel's bloody trenchcoat and gives it him back!

So, if there was any doubts about why was Dean mourning and depressed for, we have the confirmation!

Then, let's turn the page, because now is Cas the mess... Depressed and suffering, because he almost destroy heaven, but, do you know what cares the most to Cas and when he cheers up? Yes...

When Dean says... "I RATHER JAVE YOU, CURSED OR NOT" Castiel immediately changed his face, he smiles, and kept staring at Dean with heart eyes. He was happy because Dean was forgiving him. Because since he recovered his memories, the biggest cause of it was Dean's rejection. Dean not being able to forgive him. That was the main cause of his sadness. That's why he avoided reality, he didn't have a cause, because his cause was Dean and Dean was mad at him. But now? Cas is happy again. That's why he decides to come back to battle. "I'll go with you."

Season 8 Purgatory of love and Pining!Dean

Okay, is in this season, Carver era, when Dean's POV has a turning point about Castiel and his true feelings for him and is in this season, when Dean starts pining strongly for the angel, and feeling his love is unrequited.

The cause of it, is Purgatory. The Purity about Purgatory resided in the capacity of that place to resides in abolish every human necessity to let the mind to focused in what really matters. In this case for Dean was SURVIVE AND CAS.

So we can say that what remained pure in Dean's heart was TO FIND CASTIEL.

That's why he prayed to him every night, and that's why in the moment Cas CONFESS he ran away to protect him, something in Dean changes forever.

Gif credit @agusvedder

If you pay attention to Dean's face reaction here, is the expression of the man that realizes in that precisely moment his feelings for Castiel. Even Cas stares to a side, because there was Benny watching them, and the thing he was about to say it was too intimate. I did it to protect you.

Dean, the Big Protector, is being protected by Castiel. So, in Purgatory, Dean Winchester find out his not platonic love for his best friend.

Then we had the entire season with pining!Dean and deception.

Dean's mind invented one excuse for Castiel running away from him because thinking his best friend abbandoned him, was just too painful. He does this again when Cas pushed him inside the gate and he stays in Purgatory. Dean just rewrote in his mind the whole sequence. Imagining that Cas was defeated. But the reality was, Castiel wanted to stay. And when Cas reveals this truth to the hunter, Dean's face is a mix of deep sadness and deception. He felt really rejected by his friend. He felt his unrequited romantic love for him. But he will feel it more stronger in the crypt scene, with the brainwashing and how Castiel's love for Dean broke th connection. But he left. That was a real rejection the hunter barely could handled.

Season 9: Pinning!Castiel and Human!Cas

When Cas became Human, he has to face all the intensity of human's feelings. In this season, is time for our angel to realize his romantic love for the hunter.

Castiel will mirroring Dean's pining in season 8, and he will also feel rejected by him.

Just like Dean in season 8, Castiel will feel his romantic love is unrequited, after Dean kicked him out from the bunker, being this the parallel to the crypt scene.

But then Cain's mark comes, and everything gets worst.

Season 10: Castiel is Dean's Colette

The whole Cain's mark was the visual sign of the Destiel handprint (profound bond) attempt of break.

With Cain and Dean going through a perfect parallelism in which Crowley was placed in the friend's spot, Sam in the brother's spot and Castiel in Colette's spot. Blatant and canon exposure of what Cas means for Dean.

But now, is time for Dean, after came back for being a demon, to feel unrequited again. And this is a detail that could be not seen, but it caught my attention.

CASTIEL: At least temporarily. It’s a long story. Crowley, stolen grace. There’s a female outside in the car.

This is what Castiel says when he goes into Dean's room and after Dean praises him...

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

Dean had been with Crowley when he was a demon this whole time, so Cas was heartbroken. Even this season opens with a very depressed Castiel in the bed just let himself die because Dean was gone. So, that's why Cas says this.

So you went with Crowley, i have a female in my car. See? I don't need you.

He was Jealous, and now Dean gets Jealous, but he also gets the sensation again of his love for Castiel is unrequited.

The episode that followed this one, Dean goes into a blind date with random chick he took from a date app (very ooc, but he did it because he had his heart broken and because he thought CAS had cheated on him while he was gone as a demon.)

Season 11: Dean resist a forced bond with Amara because he's bonded with Castiel

Season 11 is a blatant exposure of Dean's feelings for Castiel. There a lot of hints throughout the season telling us Dean is in love, just like in season 9 there was hints of this with Castiel. (Again, mirroring each other).

Dean resisted Amara because of his love for Castiel. But Cas is oblivious about this.

When Castiel is possesed by Lucifer, Dean switch's into desperate mode. If he was worried about his attraction for Amara, now the only thing he cares was Castiel, exposing again WHO DEAN IS IN LOVE WITH.

But when Dean wanted to rescue Castiel, and Cas didn't want to come back to him, it hurt him worst. Again, just like in season 8, Dean can't handle Cas doesn't want to come back with him (first from Purgatory and now from being possesed). Again Dean feels rejected and unrequited. That's why when Cas is back and the end of the world is close... Dean says these words...

"You're our brother, Cas. I want you to know that."

And Cas' face...

Gif credit @mad-as-a-box-of-frogs

That's a man with the heart broken, mostly because we know now he was in love with Dean CANON FACT! (sobbing louder).

Season 12 and the confusing I LOVE YOU

This season was full of married couple situations, but mostly, we had Castiel's I Love You in the barn, before "dying".

At first Dean thinks the angel was saying this as goodbye, expressing into words his feelings for the Winchesters. Because as and angel, maybe Cas was feeling he has to protect them all. But then he says this singular I Love You to Dean, and the guy doesn't know how to take it. It was a platonic ILY? A non platonic ILY? Does angels feel the same like us? Does he sees me as a brother? Dean was truly a mess, so he decides to respond to that with a Mixtape.

But, when Castiel disappears for days, he sinks again into that sensation of unrequited romantic love.

Then Cas comes back, and then he goes away again, and then he dies.

Season 13: The reunion and the meaning of Castiel coming back

Dean's mourning for Cas can't be interpreted otherwise than LOSING THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE.

And the longing for his angel plus some Nougat powers, brought him back.

The thing is, Dean didn't expr as his feeling for Castiel and when the angel asked him that he needed to believed that he came back for a reason, Dean goes...

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

This sound like if he was recruiting Cas for war. And Cas' took it as that. So he came back to soldier angel mode. Because, okay, if Dean and Sam needed him to fight, he will fight.

Unrequited Love again.

Season 14 Healing Dean and the prelude of the break up

Post-possesed Dean is a follow up of self knowledge and self growing. He was healing the whole season.

But in episode 14x04 we heard Dean being Jealous or hurt because Castiel didn't go to rescue him and then because he goes into hunts with Jack. Unrequited love again.

Did Cas miss me as I missed him?

Is the first time Dean will actually name the word LOVE talking with the kid.

And then Mary dies and everything is a mess.

Dean yells YOU ARE DEAD TO ME, and how sad that sounds now that the angel had died again. Saving his life.

Dark clouda over our ship...

Season 15: And Maybe is not too late...

In season 15 we lived the angst of the Destiel break up, but then their reunion in Purgatory was beautiful.

Again, facing the fact that he could lost Cas one more time, Dean went down on his knees and prayed to him, and because he was in Purgatory, his heart and mind were released from any distraction, and he was plenty focused in the love he feels for his angel.

He cried, and begged for him to come back.

And he found him, following his heart, the profound bond he has with Castiel.

But, when he was about to say something that he hadn't said in the prayer, Castiel cut him off. So... Again the hunter had to swallow his words and the unrequited love punch him again.

Then... Castiel's romantic love confession took Dean by surprise, because, now that you read all the clues i gave you and i convinced you that Dean and Cas thought their love were unrequited, you will understand Dean's reaction.

Gif credit @spnsmile

Dean didn't can't believe Cas had loved him the way he does this whole time and now, he will lose him again. Is too much pain he can't handle.

For a lot of reasons we had analyzed so many times (Dean's arc has to have a closure expressing his ILY to the angel, the Empty plot is not ended, Etc) Is logical to think Cas will come back in the last episode, and this slow burn story will end with them being together, finally.

To Conclude:

The legend of the Sun and the Moon talks about two lovers that can't be reunited but they love each other deeply.

Is accurate with Destiel, because these two men had always being pining for each other but never be able to be together as they wish.

Castiel always thinking Dean doesn't reciprocate his romantic feeling for him and Dean thinking because Cas is an angel, he doesn't love him back romantically.

The Sacred Oath always playing in Castiel's POV as an impediment too and Dean's love clocked in shame too.

The deal with the Empty had been settled as we suspected in season 14, as a romantic plot. So, it has to have a closure.

These thoughts are based on the volumes from my assay "The Destiel Chronicles", currently in it's 87th volume.

See you soon! Have faith!

Destiel Is Forever!

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@asphodelesauvage @2musiclover2

Buenos Aires November 17th 2020 8:33 PM

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newtonsheffield · 3 years

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Guys, we need to talk about something.

It's very important.

It's Edwina + Mary + Anthony +Their Love of Great British Bakeoff

Kate liked cooking, she really did, some of her best memories were of her sitting in the kitchen with her Dad while he rattled off lists of ingredients to Mary in Tamil, both of them moving around the kitchen in sync, Kate always a step behind watching the beautiful chaos a little awed. And perhaps it wasn't flattering, but she loved when Anthony cooked. Not just because it made her feel loved and cared for that he'd go to the effort of all of this, just for her, but because he looked so ridiculously hot while doing it. He always had his sleeves rolled up, a neat apron on and his brow furrowed while he laboured away in the kitchen, the temperature hiking not only because of the stove. Yes, Anthony Bridgerton was ridiculously hot when he cooked. What was very not hot, was how much he loved The Great British Bakeoff.

It had started at brunch one Sunday, Mary and Edwina unpacking the latest episode while Mary flipped pancakes same as they always did when a season was airing, Kate mostly tuning it out. For all her love of cooking, competition baking shows weren't really her thing. She'd been sitting at the table, her legs thrown over Anthony's whispering something, perhaps a little too filthy, in his ear given her Mother and Sister were only a few feet from them, when he suddenly said Are you guys talking about Bakeoff?! Edwina had practically spun off her chair at Anthony's excited tone, Mary's spatula frozen halfway to the pan. Yes? She said lightly. Anthony leapt into the conversation surprising Kate What do you guys think of this new round of bakers? I think Lottie's obviously hilarious and I'm sure Laura's tastes good but her presentation is sloppy at best. Mary was still staring open mouthed, Edwina practically agog. Kate recovered first, What the fuck Anthony? Anthony turned towards her a little surprised Do you not like Bakeoff? He was clearly equally affronted. Kate opened her mouth to respond, a little surprised., but Edwina got there first. Sadly she's a heathen, every family has to have a disappointment. Mary hummed sympathetically though turned to Anthony clearly falling a little more in love with the idea of him as Kate's boyfriend than she already was, Now Anthony, have you ever made battenberg? And while Kate couldn't help but feel she'd slipped into a parallel universe as Anthony leapt into a description of the time that he had in fact made a battenberg cake, she had to admit, it was a little nice to see him interacting with her family this effortlessly.

Mary Sheffield wouldn't say she was necessarily intimidated by Anthony Bridgerton, but he was an imposingly successful person, for so young a man. He was tall, and a little disarmingly attractive particularly when he smiled with his entire face as he did when he looked at Kate, and he seemed so oddly formal all the time, perhaps a habit from his upbringing. It wasn't that she thought he was an unkind man, in fact she was rather attached to the idea of him being the father of her grandchildren one day, but the very last thing she expected him to say when he sidled up next to her at the end of brunch one day was Mary, I ahh I know that you usually watch bake off with Eddie, and I don't want to intrude or insert myself into your family God I wish you would, you can marry Kate tomorrow Mary had thought a little wildly, But I would be very honoured if you would maybe consider watching it at my house sometime. Um you and Eddie can both come, and Kate will be there, and I'll make dinner! He'd finished, the words spilling from his mouth before he could stop them, eager and he looked so young and excited that Mary's own heart had done an odd little flutter at her daughter's boyfriend being so sweet that he would sit and watching a baking show with her. Oh Anthony that sounds wonderful, Eddie and I will come this week. And the smile that had crossed his face was so breathtaking that Mary didn't have to wonder why Kate had fallen in love with him at all. And surely enough she arrived at Anthony's that week to find the table ladened with food, and a slightly confused looking Kate whose eyes flitted between them as they discussed the show and the techniques used. Mary had pulled Kate into a tight hug as she'd left whispering Katie, he's a very sweet man. You should marry him. in her ear at the end and despite the fact that Kate looked away embarrassedly she'd whispered I'll try.

Really, over the years, Kate had gotten almost used to the mania that engulfed Anthony during bakeoff season. The fact that he spent all week perfecting whatever the technical challenge had been to present at brunch on Sunday, or that he tutted and sighed whenever his favourite contestant left, and at least she had Matt now who despite being an expert baker himself was only so so on the show itself though he was rather more enamoured with Edwina's love of it that Kate was of Anthony's. But it really got out of hand when Edwina won celebrity Bake off, and presented the trophy to Anthony. That trophy became the bane of Kate's existence. It sat, in their Kitchen, in pride of place, right where a picture of the two of them used to rest, and while he would never admit to it, she knew he polished it regularly. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me He said proudly when he looked at it, Kate scoffing bemusedly. Anthony we have two children together. Anthony shrugged. Indignation flared in Kate's chest. If you could only do one thing: Take me and the boys to Disneyland which you know Edmund's desperate to do or go on Bakeoff what would it be? Anthony barely looked at her as he said Don't do this Kate, You'll only upset yourself.

#bridgerton and sons au #kathony #anthony x kate #great british bake off #anthony bridgerton #kate sheffield #kate sharma #mary sheffield #mary sharma #edwina sheffield #edwina sharma #molly's asks and answers

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shaolinbynature · 3 years

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The Stories (and Theory) of 1x04

In this very informative episode, I've notice that the main players of episode four all had a scene where they tell another character a story. And not just any story but a story that relates to the speaker in some way. When I went back and listened to them, I realized that a lot was said in these very brief instances and wanted to break them down for anyone who wanted to read. The main people being broken down are Martin, Kate, and Ashley, Kate's step-sister. It's a long (but juicy) read. TLDR at the bottom.

Martin:

When sitting outside with Kate, he expressed to her about a family tragedy he experienced when he was a teenager. His dad committed suicide (which is why he gets jumpy around guns) and feels regret because before his father had passed, they had a fight. He also briefly spoke about Greek mythology, when they were looking at the constellations, about how Poseidon was angered by Cassiopeia because she always bragged about how beautiful she was. He says it so quickly that you barely understand the story if you're unknowledgeable about Greek mythology. The story goes that Poseidon was so bothered by Cassiopeia's vanity that he was to destroy her Kingdom by water. When Cassiopeia tried to figure out how to stop that, she was told she had to sacrifice her daughter as a peace offering to the sea gods.

"A lot of family drama," Martin ends with it.

Learning about Martin's reason for being uneasy around guns says a lot but my focus is more on the story of Poseidon and Cassiopeia. Could this be foreshadowing about what ends up happening to Kate? "Family Drama"? Did someone get angered by not Kate.....but maybe Joy's beauty, status, and/or lifestyle and sought on destroying it? Which then, in turn, caused Joy to "sacrifice" Kate to stop her secrets, like the affair she's having with the family gardener, from getting out?

Kate:

"It's about a girl called Anabelle. Found herself in the woods one dark night, all alone and vulnerable. They were on a hunting trip, pretending they could love their pets at home while they shoot animals on vacation. Pretending that their marriages are perfect. Hypocrites, basically. Secrets, wild accusations, a desperate thirst for gossip. But back to little Annabelle all alone.....Till she wasn't. A man joined her. A man the grownups trusted. Now, of course, Annabelle trusted him too, because, I mean, why wouldn't she, right? She was just a child. And that trust led to something unspeakable. Then I think that puts blood all over the grownups' hands, don't you think too? That they were all responsible for what happened to her? Now, they'd better have all their stories straight, because Annabelle sure has hers. Secrets are scary because everybody has them."

Kate's story of Annabelle is an interesting one because it doesn't sound like she's talking about a real person. To me, it almost sounds like she's speaking in third person because of how she says, "Now, they'd better have all their stories straight, because Annabelle sure has hers". How would she know Annabelle has a story to tell if not Annabelle being another form of herself? A persona she created to be strong when she couldn't? Kate knows the adults have more involvement with her kidnapping then they are leading on and she's telling them to brace themselves because it's all going to come out one way or another. This "story" possibly matches up with the theory above of Joy sacrificing Kate.

Ashley:

While sitting on the swings with Derek, Jeanette's older brother, Ashley asks if he's ever heard of Berenice IV? She goes to explain that she was heir to the last pharaonic family in ancient Egypt and that she was Cleopatra's cunning older sister. "But history forgot her. She was invisible. She was a risk taker. She was subversive. But she paid a price. She was beheaded."

Another ancient story of family drama, the story goes that the parents of Cleopatra and Berenice were in fear of Cleo and Berenice's older sister, Cleopatra VI, the Pharaoh of Egypt, because she was getting way too powerful. So, the family fled to Rome for military help. Berenice, who stayed behind, decided to poison her older sister and take the throne since their parents are gone and technically she would be the next in line. While Berenice was in power, she refused to marry any man she was expected to and make him co-ruler because fuck that. But every month that went on without her having a man by her side, the civilians were afraid that this would cause the downfall of the family reign and Egypt. They forced her to marry one guy and she strangled him so she would continue being the only be the one in charge. She eventually found a guy she liked enough to marry but did not want to share her Pharaoh powers with him. This little reign only lasted three years until her family came back from Rome with that military assistance. Her father's army defeated Berenice's army and then had her beheaded for treason.

How Ashley speaks about Berenice VI is almost in an empathetic way. "She was invisible. Was a risk taker. She was subversive." It was like she could relate to Berenice. Berenice killed to get to the throne she wanted, she loved the lavish life, even betrayed family but family was the one that killed her in the end. The idea of Ashley liking Berenice is strengthened when we find out Ashley is in-fact the user Berenice4 in the chatroom with Kate. We saw in an episode prior that Kate seems to tell all to Berenice4 so it's extremely possible that Ashley knows the real story about what happened with Kate. Or at least the real side according to Kate. I've seen people say that maybe Ashley invading Kate's privacy by pretending to be an anonymous chatter was probably done with good intention but, if we go by the story of Berenice, maybe there is something else there. Maybe Ashley is to be the cunning older sister in this story.

TLDR: Martin, Kate, and Ashley have told stories in this episode that all parallels the theory that Kate being kidnapped may possibly not be Martin's sole doing but "family drama" that led her to be locked away in a basement. Martin mentions family drama with the story of the vain Cassiopeia that sacrificed her daughter so Poseidon wouldn't ruin her kingdom, Kate mentions that the adults in "Annabelle's" life have secrets that caused them to fail Annabelle, and Ashley mentions family betrayal with the story of Berenice VI (also Ashley's chatroom name "Berenice4") who kills her sister to be Pharaoh of Egypt and is later beheaded by her father for treason against the family.

#WHEW the draaaammmaaaaaaa #im starting to see the LIGHT #cruel summer #freeform #kate wallis #ashley wallis #martin harris #joy wallis #cruel summer theory #cruel summer theories

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hiccanna-tidbits · 3 years

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this is a genuine, curious question! what's appealing 2 u about jackunzel :^] ??

Sure, I can talk about why I ship Jackunzel!!!

@gryffindorkxdraws has some posts about why she likes Jackunzel here, here, and here, so those are a pretty good rundown of reasons to supplement mine. But I’ll make a list of my own!

Why Jackunzel Owns My Entire Soul: An Essay in Disorganized Bullet Points ~I dig the sun/moon symbolism! Like Jack was chosen by the moon and Rapunzel has the powers of the sun. It’s such a nice contrast, and it also lends itself really well to star-crossed lover-type fantasy/fairy tale AUs (which I am ALWAYS a sucker for!) ~From what little we know about Jack’s preference in girls (i.e. the slight crush he seemed to have on Tooth), Rapunzel seems like EXACTLY his type--bubbly, energetic, optimistic girls with a bit of a maternal streak. I think even the RotG director confirmed Punz is the kind of girl Jack would like! ~Jack also absolutely seems like Punzel’s type--if Flynn/Eugene is anything to go by, she’s kind of into sarcastic troublemakers with a hidden soft side XD And she also seems to like guys who are good with kids, if Eugene reading “The Adventures of Flynnigan Rider” to the younger kids at the orphanage is anything to go by! ~They both seem to be naturally pretty social people who suffered a lot from being isolated for a really long time--Jack had it worse, obviously (300 years--OUCH), but it was rough on Punz as well, growing up for 18 years with no one for company but Mother Gothel and Pascal. Jack, spending all that time with no one able to see him and only the guardians (who weren’t even really his friends from much of that time) for company, would understand that pain a lot. I feel like they’d be able to connect on a really deep and intimate level about the pain they felt at being isolated for so long, and this would give them a really strong bond that I can easily see turning into something romantic. ~They’re both just such genuinely lively and fun-loving people, and I can imagine them having a ton of fun together and just genuinely really enjoying spending time together. Like imagine the snowball fights!!! The ice-skating!!! The sledding!!! Chasing each other through the forest!!! Jack grabbing onto Punz and her wrapping her hair around a tree and swinging them around Tarzan-style!!! Like literally the entire scene where Punzel leaves her tower for the first time and is goofing off and doing Silly Shit for like an hour straight??? Like man...if Jack was there, they’d have the TIME OF THEIR LIVES together. Idk I just really love couples who I think would have a lot of fun together, it’s so pure <3 ~They’re both so loving!!! Like Rapunzel goes out of her way to be supportive to an entire tavernful of terrifying “ruffians and thugs” because they have dreams, and she’s so sweet to Flynn/Eugene no matter how many times he snarks at her and tries to alienate her!!! And Jack loves loves LOVES entertaining kids, and it genuinely makes him so happy to give them snow days :3 I just feel like they’d shower each other with love, and it’s honestly no less than they both deserve!!! ~Rapunzel especially is such an affectionate person, and I can see her doing just absolutely everything in her power to make Jack feel as seen and as loved as possible after 300 years of being alone. And god, does he NEED it, too. Like no way is this boy NOT touch-starved, and with some MAJOR self-esteem issues (although he’s good at hiding them). Rapunzel would do absolutely everything in her power to build him up and make him feel wanted and validated--and since it’s in her nature to do so, it would never feel like a burden or an effort for her. And she’d love him so much that hyping him up just comes naturally! She’s just got the kind of nurturing personality that someone as affection-starved as Jack really needs, and I think she could help him feel safe, comfortable, and loved in a way a lot of people couldn’t. ~For all the fun they’d have together, I also feel like Jack needs someone to ground him a bit and provide the Brain Cell to perhaps reign in that Unchecked Chaotic Energy of his sometimes XD Rapunzel certainly has a smart and rational side--I mean, she charted STARS as a teenager!!! She figured out how to get this stranger she captured to take her into the kingdom to see the lanterns!!! Girl can be spontaneous and goofy, sure, but she’s got smarts and kind of a mature streak that I think mesh with Jack really well. He’d never feel like she was a wet blanket stifling his fun, but she’d also have a sense of when to transition away from goofing off and focus on responsibilities (princess and guardian responsibilities in this case, I suppose?) ~On the flipside, I don’t see Rapunzel as being someone annoyed or irritated by Jack’s antics. She might like...gently scold him if he takes a prank too far, but she never finds his shenanigans to be grating and tiresome the way other people might. Rather, I think she’d be endlessly entertained by him. Like in his memory reel when he’s dicking around pretending to be a deer, she’d get a kick out of that! Jack would always be trying to make her laugh and make her smile, and Punz would love that so much about him! ~They’re both searching for a deeper meaning and a deeper sense of purpose in their lives. Rapunzel entertains herself with hobbies, but doesn’t feel like her life has really “begun” and is desperate to find out if her hunch is right and the floating lights really ARE meant for her. Jack has no idea why he was chosen by the moon or what he’s meant to do, and he’s determined to find out so he can finally have a sense of purpose. Rapunzel clearly wants a sense of purpose too, since she wants to do more with her life than pass the time with hobbies. I can definitely see them bonding over this! ~They’re both just so adventurous, and love to explore! Rapunzel is curious, and loves to read and learn, and she wants more than anything else to see the world and all it has to offer. Jack loves adventuring and flying around the globe spreading winter and fun, and he could show Punz everything she ever wanted to see. A perfect match, honestly! ~Aesthetically I LOVE the similarities!!! Like they both like to go barefoot, kinda showing their free-spirited natures. And I love how they’re both naturally brunette, but had their hair turned a different color by magic. It’s a little thing, but I think it’s a really neat parallel and it helps cement me thinking they really ARE perfect for each other in every little way! Haha XD AND they both have small green companions, and as of Ralph Breaks The Internet, they’re hoodie buddies as well!!! Not that surface-level parallels like that are actually that significant BUT I just think they’re neat XD ~While I am fond of Flynnzel/Eugenzel (still my favorite canon Disney couple!), finding out their age gap is around 8 years admittedly made me a bit uncomfy and just pushed me further into loving Jackunzel as an alternative option. I still really love Eugene as a character and adore his and Punzel’s dynamic, but these days I prefer their relationship as more of a big bro/little sis type thing. Jack I think is the best match for Rapunzel romantically, and Eugene I prefer with Elsa--or poooossibly Tooth, Astrid, or Zarina, if I read a fic that sells the pairing well enough! ~On a related note, I was into Jack x Tooth the first time I watched RotG, but after discovering Jackunzel, there was no going back--I was hooked! Rewatching the movie, Tooth strikes me more as a mom figure/”fun aunt” for Jack, and I actually prefer her with Bunnymund (I am WEAK for “the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one” lmao)

Well, I think that just about covers it!!! I’ll add more reasons if I think of them! Thank you for the ask, and I’m always happy to answer more ship asks about CGI crossover pairings :3

Also @ the anon who asked for Jackunzel headcanons--fear not, I shall provide them!!! I just wanna make a complete list and accumulate all the ones from my various fics so it’s gonna take a while XD

#jackunzel #jack x rapunzel #rapunzel x jack #jackxrapunzel #rapunzelxjack #jack frost #rapunzel #rotbtd #rise of the brave tangled dragons #the big four #rise of the guardians #tangled #crossover #my askbox

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