#theres something heartbreaking in realizing yet again

[hopalongfairywren]

It sucks that something as near and dear to me as the DSMP has been tainted by horrific actions of some of its creators. That's obviously not the worst part of the whole situation, and shouldn't be the main focus. But fuck it, i'm not letting them ruin the stories and characters that in large part, only came together because of the fandom. I will make characters into ocs if I have to.

#dsmp #mcyt discourse #theres something heartbreaking in realizing yet again #people you looked up to and your friends looked up to and you saw as a source of comfort #are not good people

[heartlvrrss]

Doodle (part 1?)

Pairing: Haechan x reader

Word count: 1417

Genre: fluff, attempted and horribly failed comedy

Warnings: swearing, cringe and theres no kiss in this part </3 let me know if i missed any!

••••••••

A light hits my face, making me immediately move my tired arm to my face, hoping to block the horrid light from my eyes for the hope of at least getting a few more seconds of sleep.

Well that’s what I was at least  hoping for before a loud voice had to interrupt me, which of course belonged to lee donghyuck, who, was also my longterm friend since middle school when we met through an awkward encounter of when my boyfriend of 2 months broke up with me, 13 year old me was obviously heartbroken and what made it even worse was hyucks loud ass laugh that could be heard from across the globe. We somehow became friends shortly after, which made me become bewitched under his charm and somehow gain a life long crush on him.

Resuming to the current situation in our 3rd year of college, here I am trying to ignore his desperate whines to get me up, there was a reason i decided to not get a roommate but if a knew hyuck would technically be the same thing then maybe i would’ve opted for the roommate option earlier on.

“wake up” haechan screams into my ear for about the millionth time making me inch one bit closer to slapping the shit out of him

“Lee donghyuck will you please just shut the fuck up, its saturday for gods damn sake.” The annoyance evident in my voice

“but you promised to take me to the new cat cafe” the grown ass man whines

“Do I fucking look like your sugar mommy to you?” istg if he says yes ill slap him 

“youre not but, I am willing to take the offer just incase” that’s when I slap him for real making him let out an exaggerated yelp

“thats it. Ask one of your other hoes, im not taking you anymore”

Sadly, it seemed to not work as here I am walking with this absolute man-child to a cat cafe, once we arrived there I (obviously) firstly looked at the exterior, it was a cute little pink and off white cafe with a rusty pink chalkboard sitting outside for todays menu, a few white tables and seats with some flowers on each table to decorate it,

“It’s so cute” I squealed 

“I told you it would be nice” hyuck replies but I just ignore him.

As we go in there were a few people already sitting there, eating a pastry or drinking something with adorable cats on their laps. We walked to a table by a window and grabbed the menus, taking a look at them before a waiter comes

“Hello, have you already decided on what to order yet?” She asks,

“Just a few more minutes please” I reply before she says something again

“Ok, also you too are a very cute and good-looking couple” she smiles not knowing of my mini heart attack that I’m having right now,

“Oh, we’re not a-” I answer back in shock before being interrupted by hyuck

“Oh god, she’s like a sister to me” he says in a (fake but i’m to dumb to realize) disgusted tone which, to be honest, it hurt quite a bit but I brushed it off, there’s no way I could still have a crush on him after all this time, right? 

“My apologies” she smiles back before leaving.

“Well, have you decided on what to eat yet?” I ask trying to brush off the heartbreak and embarrassment rushing through my body at that second

***** (Time skip cuz Im not gonna put that much detail into that one scene)       

It’s Monday (sadly) and I’m being dragged from my beloved bed by haechan as usual, earlier then usual to class,he wanted to ‘be early’  though I know it was probably to chose who would be his new girlfriend (It’s taking me a lot to hold back from slapping him and telling him I’m right here) because it’s apparently been way to long since he’s had a girlfriend (literally like 9 months). 

“You know you could’ve just went alone without me” I whine

“I might look weird if I go alone won’t it look weird when I go alone and just look at other girls”

“No it would make me look like a creep”

“Do you know how many people think we are dating? Like 5 million, I think you would rather want to be a creep then a cheater to people who don’t know us”

“Now that you say that, you’re sadly correct? Y’know what, leave I’ll do this myself” He replies while trying to push me the other way

“Can you stop pushing me you shithead? Just in case you forgot we have the same class!” 

                         ********

“Can you please stop hitting me!” I complain to Haechan who’s been hitting me for almost the whole lesson

“I’m bored”

“And I’m trying to learn, so please for the sake of others and me would you please stop”

“How would it hurt others?” He says in a blunt voice

“How am I gonna support my future family because I’m getting rejected at every job because I didn’t pay attention during class?”

“I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to support us” 

What the actual fuck. “Lee Donghyuck.”

“Not the government name. Scary.” He says in a ‘scared’ tone yet I could hear the smirk on his face.

***********

I don’t know why I even chose to accept to go to a party with hyuck but here I am walking with him to the party

“Why did we have to walk?” Haechan whines

“Because you need to get up and walk, exercise is important”

“Don’t act like the last time you even went near a gym was when you wanted to get something to eat from the mcdonalds next to it”

“Oh, look! We’re here!” I say trying to change the topic of this convo

“Don’t try to change the subject!”

***

“Hyuck stop drinking, you’ve had so many shots I’m not even sure how you’re even alive right now” I complain to him

“You’re not my mother” he whined, clearly drunk.

“Do you want to end up like him?” I point over to mark who’s on the couch next to a bucket of puke grasping onto staying awake which the possibility of that happening is less possible than him getting hoes “Cause I don’t feel like taking care of you in that state” I look over to haechan who is trying to look like hes asleep, keyword; trying.

“Stop pretending to be asleep, you know that trick never works on me”

“Damn it” he replies clearly bummed out about the fact it didn’t work as usual

“Now get up, I’m not going to let you stay at this place any drunker than you already are

“I don’t wanna” He has the nerve to reply knowing he’ll oblige anyways the second I say it again

“It isn’t choice get up” This time he thankfully gets up, slightly staggering before I let him hold onto me for support

“I’ll call a cab” I say after we walk out the door and he just nods most likely not listening yet still looking at me like a toddler seeing it’s favorite cartoon on tv

“You’re really pretty actually” He says out of nowhere breaking the silence

“Hyuck it’s not the time for jokes right now, you’re just drunk you’re speaking nonsense” I say, brushing of the butterflies in my stomach

“I’m not lying though” Haechan whines like a child “Couldn’t you tell that I’ve liked you ever since I’ve met you?” he says again in a more serious tone this time

“I thought you were just joking all the time when you flirted with me, besides you’re always ‘girl hunting’” I mutter, still a bit shocked

“I only do that because I think you don’t like me back”

“I thought I was pretty clear about my feelings too” 

“Not really” he mutters but I choose to ignore it

“Let’s talk about this at my dorm, the cabs coming” I say still in a tiny bit of shock

“I wanna talk about this us now though” 

“Fine”

“So, are we like a couple now?” I question

“I hope we are” he smiles at me

“Let’s talk more when you are sober ok?”

“I’m sobering up though” he pouts at me

“Barely.”

*****

The end? (I might make a part 2 when theyre like a couple idk or the next morning, yall decide)

#Haechan x reader #nct dream x reader #nct dream imagines #nct dream fluff #nct dream scenarios #lee donghyuck x reader #nct dream #127 x reader #nct x reader #nct imagines #nct u #nct 2023 #nct 127

[autumnfangirler]

3, 25, 31 for ocs of choice for the couple's meme 👀

Sure! you are witness to a rare occasion where i actually make a choice (and you get to see who my favourites are)

3. By contrast, what was the moment that first made their ~heart~ Soft for the other person? Not necessarily a concious realization of "I love this person," but a moment that had them like "Oh...I adore them..."

Caine- caine finds the most value in the small moments, little things they get to notice and appreciate about the people they love. for ortega, it was back in the sidestep days, after some big fight they won that had ortega smiling like the sun. they didnt realize it then, but he loved that smile, and subconciously started to help the rangers more often just to see it. as for chen, theres a line in the game that goes like "he sounds amused in the way he does when spoon does something funny. no intent hiding behind it". i think it was the first time that happened. caine rarely got to see chen without a layer of distance or suspicion, so the first time he truly got to see him happy without the mask, they couldnt help committing it to memory

Cyrus- thats so mushy and stupid. he's going to throw up on you. hes also pulling out an alphabetically arranged and growing list of tidbits about daniel he absolutely adores. i dont think there was a specific moment that made him develop his crush on herald, it was more things he noticed that built up over time. his determination for his cause, his soft yet firm insistence of what he sees in cyrus, and of course his sweet little smile all made cyrus fall for him. the moment he realized "oh shit im in love with him" though, was the regene reveal. being seen and accepted for what he was when he only expected condemnation was such a novel prospect to him he really went "well i cant NOT fall in love with him"

Cynthia- she's such a hopeless romantic, if you asked her when she fell in love with ortega, she's say the first time she saw her smile. in actuality, it would be at some point braiding her hair. cynthia and ortega would tend to talk to eachother while cynthia worked. sometimes itd be silly stupid banter, and other times itd be...heavier, but either way, she learned a lot of what she does about ortega this way. she also gets to see ortega relaxed and honest in a way she never is around the press or her team, and it makes her super soft to know thats a privilege that gets extended to her. its also part of the reason she was a little sad to see it gone after heartbreak (altho cynthia does have longer hair than she used to in her sidestep days, so role reversal is definetely possible 👀)

25. They accidentally hurt or upset their partner. What happened? How do they respond? What do they do to make their partner feel better?

oh man, what happened indeed. the answer drastically changes depending on whether its a reveal or if its a natural disagreement or such, but ill answer for both

Cyrus- if its being revealed as puppeteer? uh. doubling down 💀 sorry danny, but youre really slowing down the whole villain and being evil thing, so he might as well use this as an opportunity to cut the chord completely. in his head he probably sees this as a good thing for herald anyway, because he doesnt have to be bogged down by feelings for him. a clean cut for the both of them. if its a natural disagreement, its probably more along the lines of cyrus making fun of something daniel likes. hes used to teasing and making fun of things with ortega, i dont think hed account for the fact daniel might take it to heart. when he does realize it, i think hed take the time to sit down with him and apologize. hes not the best with emotions, so itd lean more to explaining his reasoning, but he does promise to take an effort not to do that again. he doesnt want to ruin anything over something as stupid as that

Cecilia- argent already knows shes the villain so that doesnt apply lmao. she'd get into an argument with argent, but over what im not sure. in any case, neither of them like backing down or admitting theyre wrong, so apologizing isnt exactly ceci's go to option for making up. she'd more likely go for the asian mom route and get her some snacks instead. use it as an opportunity to talk about what happened, and if she really thought she was in the wrong, apologize. if not, shed likely ask to mutually drop the topic, agree to disagree basically. it depends on what argent does after that, but even if she doesnt want to drop it i think ceci would be more for civilized conversation by that point

31. What little thing do they find incredibly (though harmlessly) annoying about their partner?

Cyrus- i have a personal hc that a lot of the rooms in daniels apartment are actually rather haphazardly arranged at best(yes this stems from the scene where chen complains about herald not doing the dishes). cyrus doesnt mind a mess, but he does mind it when the other person is an artist who happens to paint from time to time. hes probably ruined a lot of good clothes wandering around the rooms and accidentally stepping on/tripping over paint. it has been cause for many a complaint, but hes tolerating it because he likes watching daniel paint

#fhr #sidestep #cyrus becker #caine lynzal #cecilia rider #cynthia garcia #i have no favourites #im insulted youd imply i do #i love all my sidesteps equally #ask game

[new-hyperfixation-every-month]

(TMA SPOILERS)

thinking back on it, a moment in tma i originally thought was really cute is actually pretty heartbreaking.

the excitement in jon's voice when he realizes theres a blind spot to his powers and the glee he feels at the fact that he doesnt Know whats there is all very bittersweet.

bc from one angle, any light-hearted moment in which this tragedy of a character can find comfort and happiness is automatically a moment that will bring ME comfort and happiness when i look back on it.

from another angle though, it makes me realize how LOW the bar was. not knowing whats ahead is usually a moment of dread, especially in a horror story. yet somehow, jon's world is so twisted and destroyed that just the idea of NOT knowing something is already enough to make jon happy.

it shows how desperate he is to feel human again. to not Know.

#the magnus archives #tma #jonathan sims #jon tma #:(

[pupuseriazag]

tw: venting about unlove:

Four months have passed after that "man" broke my heart. Treated my like he was interested, talkrd daily with him, he was there for me in some low moments (during which I would cry because I didnt felt enough for him or anybody), flirted and showed me signs he wanted me

Only for him to suddenly start being less and less caring with me, stopped giving me all those words and spent less time with me.

And I, in a stupid moment of weakness... Confessef my feelings for him

Wanna know something funny? He didnt reply in the moment. I talked to his friend and he listened to me talk how much I appreciated and loved him... How much I was willing to do for him. And he agreed we would've be nice together... That he was rooting for us and he was glad he had found someone so "nice" and "caring" as me.

He talked to him... 3 hours later he gives me the bad news... He is mad and sngry at his best friend for using my heart and not actually wanting to b with me... but still leading me on to believing we had a chance.

I was broken again, man. How. Many. Fucking. Times. Has. It. Been.

Time and time again I end up likr a fool.

And then he texted me. He was sorry for making me go thru that... After I had told him I was on the verge of stress for no one wanting to put the effort or wanting to fight for me.

He said that for weeks he did felt love for me... But realized he did not wanted to actually make the effort.

Thats when it happened. Thats when I got confirmation that no one would fight to be with me. Thats when I got confirmation that Im not enough for anybody... That theres something in me that people are easy to let me go.

Why am I not interestinf enough to keep them around? Why am I not pretty or handsome enough to keep someone? Why am I not... Anything actually special...

I was going everything alright... I've never hurt anybody and yet Im always the one hurt

My heart realized that night... That no one will ever truly love me like I love them...No matter how hard I search. No one will come to my life like I daydreamed when I was a little child. No one will work hard to be with me, no one will. No one will make sure I understand I am so....So very loved by them. No one will rver treat me right... And for some reason I dont deserve it.

But I know I do dederve it. I do deserve all those nicr things... But why does it never come? Why am I always thrown back to the ground amd forgotten?

I dont want to turn into the "I CAN love myself 😤😤" because I dont love myself. Being me has never made anybody feel like they want to fight for me... Not even myself.

And you knoe what I hate? I fucking despise the "Oh calm down! :) God will give you a nice MAN soon! Its all God's plan and God's timing is perfrct 😌"

I DONT WANT TO KEEP FUCKING WAITING. I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL MY STUPID LIFE TO HAVE SOMEONE LOVE ME DEEPLY AND NO ONE TO THIS DAY HAS EVER DONE SO. WHY DOES GOD WANT ME TO GO THRU THIS?! JUST SO I CAN """VALUE""" THE ACTUAL ""CORRECT"" PERSON?! I ALREADY FUCKING DO THAT WITH EVERYONE.

ITS FUCKING UNFAIR FOR ME TO ALWAYS HAVE BEEN EITHER A FUCKING EASY TO LET GO PERSON AND NEVER HAD ANYBODY SHOE ME THE ACTUAL LEVEL OF LOVE I NEED AND DESERVE I FUCKING HATE IT I HATE IT A LOT

I DONT DESERVE ALL OF THESE HEARTBREAKS

I DONT DESERVE ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME

SO IF GOD HAS ANYTHING IN PLAN FOR ME IS PROBABLY JUST TO FUCKING LAUGH ST MY FACE FOR EVERYTIME I BELIEVE I FOUND THE CORRECT PERSON.

WHY CANT I HAVE LOVE NOW???? WHY CANT I FEEL LOVED NOW??? WHY DO I NEED TO KEEP WAITING AND FALLING AND FALLING IN NEW TRAPS SO CALLED LESSONS?!?!

ITS ALL BULLSHIT TO ME

I just... I dont want more people... I think I deserve love... But it always feels like god and the universe dont think I do...

So guess what? You won. Enjoy seeing how from time to time I cry again to sleep becquse of how unloved I feel. But I wont try it again. I wont open my heart to anybody in that way again.

Enjoy watching how I have to write fanfics and hyperfocus on those becquse I want to feel some type of love nesr me... And at least my mind is good and crrating those peope that do care for me

#moona rambling #Sorry I just... #Ya estoy hasta la vergs. Honestamente

[love-songs-for-emma]

will would Not have broken up with hannibal in s3 if he felt like he was actually special to him,, you Cant prove me wrong

probably not an original thought here, but after realizing in s2 that hannibal has coaxed other patients into killing, just like him, it becomes harder for will to believe that what he & hannibal shared was something different. and yet still, if only for a moment, he considers that he might be closer to hannibal than anyone ever has been

but then,,, s3 happens. & hooo boy s3. will wakes up from the coma hannibal put him in & he believes in that last caress, that heartbreak of mizumono. will wanted to run away with him. he says it to jack himself & he spends months working on a boat to sail himself across the atlantic to italy & lithuania to learn about hannibal's past, to really see him, and then, to find him.

at this point, he must believe what he & hannibal have is something special. but then he meets chiyoh, the loved one hannibal left behind in lithuania, forever waiting & guarding her prisoner because, as will points out, hannibal convinced her to. but he never came back for her, did he?

and then theres bedelia. he really took bedelia to run away with him instead of will. if that isn't bad enough (bc fuck,, will knows bedelia is such a sad excuse of a replacement for him),, hannibal (as far as will understands) ditches bedelia too! another person he supposedly cares for & "ran off with." will feels like he's catching a glimpse into his future

so on top of everything hannibal put will through, its no wonder will attempts to put an end to their connection (by ""trying"" to stab hannibal in public with a tiny knife???) after he sees him again & they have their moment.

and then, absolute insanity occurs from there & will's had no time to think any further than "holy shit. hannibal is the reason mason wants me dead. hannibal tried to saw into my skull & kill me (which is def not helping with the thinky brain part). & hannibal doesn't really care about me anyway. he'll leave me behind, heartbroken, just like everyone else."

so will leaves first. or rather, tells hannibal to leave instead

#hannibal #nbc hannibal #hannibal lecter #will graham #hannibal spoilers #even tho its been out for years akxhisx #u nvr know #& i refuse to ruin a masterpiece like this for someone #but /also/ at this point i feel like my followers (regardless of if theyve watched hannibal themselves) know every detail of this show bc #of me skxjskxjd #mads mikkelsen #loml #hugh dancy #mizumono #twotl #hannibal s2 #hannibal s3 #hannibal meta #chiyoh #bedelia du maurier #i forgot all hannibal related tags are dead on ios now LMAO sry yall. rip #dolce #mason verger #jack crawford #tbh i can't believe i'm out here writing essays on hannibal. i love it sm but i'm always surprised when i'm able to form a coherent thought #(if this even is one sdkfjksfj) #murder husbands #hannibal.txt #.txt #maria is literally just rambling. hi

[butgilinsky]

december // mb

warning; heartbreak. that’s it. 

summary; after he’s left alone in an empty apartment with the weight of the world on his shoulders, mat comes to realize that december’s his least favorite month of the year. based on the song december by neck deep.

word count; 3.8k+ 

add yourself to my nhl taglist!

mat doesn’t know how long he’s been walking around the block. all he knows is that it’s hard to see, even harder to walk straight, and he can’t shake the itch he has to call you. he just needs one more time, just one final attempt at hearing your voice, even if it’s just your answering machine. 

“hey, this is y/n! i’ll get back to you-” he hangs up then, decides that he doesn’t have the mental capacity to leave another message. 

it’s only been two weeks, but mat feels like it’s been years since he’s seen you. his heartbreak is just as fresh as it was when you walked away from him, tears in his eyes and mind going through the motions of trying to put itself back together again. two weeks isn’t long enough to heal from the gaping hole you left in his heart. there’s not enough time in the world for mat to heal properly. 

he comes to the realization that he’ll never be the same fairly quickly. he thought you were it for him. he thought that every obstacle would be tackled by the two of you together. he thought you’d be in this shit show called life together, for the long haul. he can’t say it’s not his fault, can’t say he tried as hard as he could. he took you for granted, and he knows that now, but now it’s too late.

he thinks that december is the worst month to be face heartache. he can’t take you home for christmas like he planned, can’t kiss you when the clock strikes midnight on january first. he doesn’t get to see you shudder from the cold despite him telling you to bundle up ten times before leaving the house. the christmas decorations that line the street are a constant reminder of the ones you lined the apartment with, and mat starts to think he’ll never look at christmas decorations the same. 

when he gets back home he sees a pair of your shoes by the door. he sees the christmas card from your best friend sitting on the table in the entry way. he sees little traces of you, almost fooling him into thinking you still live there. he has to remind himself then, your stuff is here but you’re not. you told him you’d pick everything up after he went to vancouver, wanting to limit your amount of contact with mat, but that only made it worse for him. 

you didn’t want to see him anymore. he wants to see you, and you want nothing to do with him anymore. it’s a hard pill to swallow, losing you so quickly after having you for so long. he knows he should understand, knows he should come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t the best he could’ve been. he wasn’t the man he should’ve been, nowhere near the man you deserved. you asked for simple things and mat told you he’d never be able to give them to you. 

he thinks about how hard it’ll be to go home, to open gifts on christmas when he knows that theres a pile of boxes in the back of his closet that’ll never be opened. he knows that he should return them, should take them back to the stores before his grace period expires, but he can’t bring himself to even look at the boxes. he can’t bring himself to return the gifts he bought for you, can’t imagine going over each individual one in the process. 

tito offers to do it for him, says that he has a pair of pants he needs to return anyways, but mat knows better. he knows his friend is just doing what he thinks will help, and while it’s heartwarming, it’s also gut wrenching that his friends think he can’t take care of things himself. 

the first time he sees you after you walked out is at a restaurant, sitting across the table from a guy he’s never seen before. anders asks if he wants to leave, says that there’s another place they can go to right around the corner. mat shakes his head and slides into his seat, says it’s fine even though it’s not. 

he sits with his back to you, figures that’ll make it easier to resist the temptation to look at you. he doesn’t know that you watched him walk in, watched him slide into the seat facing away from you. he doesn’t know that your heart sinks into your stomach when you see him turn his back to you, silently telling you that it’s simply too difficult to look at you now. 

you excuse yourself from your table, the man across from you offering you a worried smile before you walk to the bathroom quicker than normal. you grip the edge of the sink, leaning over it in case your stomach fails you. the world around you spins, makes it harder to catch your breath that’s only getting worse with every passing second. 

you try to ground yourself, try to tell yourself that you did what was right for you, that this is what you wanted. it’s what you needed. you remind yourself that you want things that mat can’t give you. you want things that mat doesn’t want to give you. you need a life that mat can’t provide. 

“what do you want from me, y/n?” it’s the same fight, the one you’ve had too many times to count. you ask for something simple, ask him to do the bare minimum only for him to act as if you asked him to pull the moon out of the sky and shove it in your pocket. 

“i want you to tell me that we’ll get there! i don’t need it now, mat, but-”

“but that’s the thing, y/n. you do need it now. you want me to throw away everything i’ve worked for because you want some stupid house with a red door and shrubs around the lawn. you want to get married on a beach or in a forest. you want to have a large wedding, a reception in a big ballroom where everyone is smiling at you like you’re the only person in the room. 

“you want kids that pull on your hair and draw on the walls. you want to settle down and have a life made for thirty year olds who sit in cubicles from nine to five and then go home and eat dinner at the kitchen table. but i can’t give that to you. you want a life i can’t give you.” 

it hits you at full force, like a tsunami that nobody saw coming just before it wipes out an entire city. you try to ground yourself, try to bring yourself back to the restaurant bathroom that you’re in, rather than your place in the middle of your living room, crying and begging mat to just listen to you. 

you don’t think you’re ready to leave the space just yet, but you’re reminded that you’re not here alone, and the guy at your table is probably worried that you’re crawling out of the bathroom window. 

you run straight into someone on your way out of the bathroom, chests colliding into one another before you’re both rushing out apologies. you’re almost knocked off of your feet by the force, and grip onto the first thing that you can reach, which happens to be the person’s forearm. 

anthony’s hands steady you, making sure you don’t topple over in the heels that are suffocating your feet. he tries to mask his shock with a warm smile, tries to hide the sympathy that’s eating away at him. it doesn’t work, but you can tell he’s trying. 

he noticed the red rimmed eyes you’re sporting, and the way your eyeliner is smudged just the slightest bit. he notices the indents in your bottom lip from where you were just chewing on it to conceal the sounds of your sobs. it’s not the first time he’s seen you in a state similar to this one, and he’s not sure if he hopes it’s the last. 

you see him look back at his table and make the mistake of following suit, feeling every muscle in your body tense when you find the same set of eyes you’d missed for two months. you can’t tear your eyes away from him, can’t even bother to notice that the guy who brought you here is watching the entire exchange. 

mat doesn’t know what to do. he doesn’t know if he should look away and pretend like he never saw you or if he should get up and go talk to you. he doesn’t know where the boundaries are drawn or if he’s invited to overstep them regardless of what they entail. he wants to ask you, wants to stand up from his set and rush to take tito’s spot. he wants to hear your voice and feel your touch, feel his heart intertwine with yours in a bed shared by the two of you. 

anders brings mat back, clapping a hand on his back and trying to integrate him back into the table’s conversation. you look at him for a little longer, only brought out of your thoughts when you hear anthony’s voice. 

“y/n-”

“i have to go.” you leave him before he can say anything else, walking up to your table and rushing out a slew of apologies as you gather your things. 

“i’m sorry, i have to go.” he notices the tears building in your eyes, asks you if you need a ride home or money for a cab, both of which you turn down but thank him for. he’s not sure what just happened but he knows you can’t stay here for much longer without tipping over the edge, so he lets you go. 

you walk by his table then, trying to ignore the fact that you’re so close to him. you ignore the call of your name and cover your mouth with the back of your hand as you inevitably catch the attention of half of the restaurant. 

“barz, don’t-”

“y/n!” he’s out of his seat and running after you before any of his teammates can bring him back down. 

he doesn’t care that the whole restaurant is watching, doesn’t care that he’ll see stories about the exchange in the morning. he just focuses on you running out of the doors the best that you can, focuses on the fact that he’s getting closer to you with every stride. it’s not close enough, but it’s the closest he’s been in a long time and he’ll take anything he can get at this point. 

“y/n!”

“don’t do this, mat.” it’s the first time he’s heard your real voice for month; the first time it’s not your answering machine or his saved voicemails from you. it’s not in a video he can’t seem to stop watching, or a figment of his imagination in the middle of the night. it’s you, and you’re here. for a moment, he thinks he’s dreaming. 

“baby, please.” you move when he reaches for you, trying to hail a cab as quickly as you can so you can get the hell out of this situation. 

“i can’t do this. please, mat, please don’t do this. i’m begging you.” he feels his heart sink at the desperation in your face, somehow coming to terms with the notion that you don’t want to talk to him right now, and you probably don’t want to talk to him ever again. “i can’t do this to me mat, because if i let you tell me what you’re thinking then i’m not going to be able to walk away from you.” 

your words hit him at full force, almost knocking him straight off of his feet. he’s not entirely sure what weight your words held, but he does know the he wishes you’d give him the room to explain why that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. 

a cab pulls up to the curb and you’re reaching for the handle before he can get another word out, even though he doesn’t have anything else to say. he’s forced you into conversations that you didn’t want to have for months, he can’t bring himself to do that right now despite the questions swimming around in his mind. 

he watches you slip into the backseat, locking eyes with him one more time before shutting the door and begging the cab driver to take you home. he knows he messed up, knows he should’ve stayed in the restaurant, knows that he shouldn’t have let you walk out in december. 

you’re gone before he can process it. he’s left standing on the edge of the sidewalk, his hands shoved into his pockets and his eyes glued to the spot where you once stood. he feels a hand on his back, hears his friends telling him that you just needed time, that it was still all too new for you to face. 

but they don’t know you the way he does. they don’t know that you’re never going to be ready to face this. they don’t know that all you wanted was mat in a big house with a rose colored door, and all he gave you was the opportunity to find him passed out in the bathroom at three in the morning, too drunk to crawl into bed. 

he hears tito say the same thing he always does. the four words he hates to hear, but can’t seem to get his friend to stop muttering when the situation arises. 

“pain is never permanent.”

he bites his tongue, doesn’t want to yell at tito and tell him that he knows that, but tonight it’s killing him. he doesn’t say that december has become his least favorite month, that he wishes time would slow down so he wouldn’t have to reach the end of the year. 

the next time he sees you is a few months later. this time you’re in the park, hand gripping a leash with a dog he’s never seen on the other end of it. he feels his heart threatening to jump out of his chest when he sees you leaning into someone’s side, his arm wrapped around your shoulders. he has a leash in his hand as well, a different dog on the end of it. 

he doesn’t know if they’re yours or his, the dogs. he doesn’t know if they’re still puppies or fully grown. he doesn’t know if the guy you’re with is your new boyfriend, or a friend that’s overly affectionate. 

he gets his answer, unwillingly, when you turn to the man and smile brightly, watching as you push yourself onto your toes and press your lips to his. mat feels bile tickle the back of his throat, feels the gut wrenching feeling that comes with a heartbreak that’s never subsided. 

he wonders how he’s forced to see you like this. the city’s so big, and he had to be at the same park as you and him today. his jog picks up pace, his frustration being fueled into his early morning run. 

you see him when he passes you, eyes locking for just a moment before he looks ahead of himself once more. you know he’s mad, know he’s still grieving, but then you’re reminded of the man beside you, his hand squeezing your shoulder just as the dog on your leash gives you a firm tug as a reminder of where you are and who you’re with. 

you smile at him and tell him that yeah, you’re fine. you walk with him, only glancing over your shoulder once. mat’s already gone, no sign of him anywhere in sight. you almost wonder if you’d made up the entire thing in your head. 

-

it’s december again, and when mat reaches up to scratch his neck, he’s reminded of the facial hair he’s sporting. he remembers a time when you ran your fingers over his jaw, scratching gently at the stubble forming. 

“should i shave it?” you hum, almost not hearing his question. he asks again, peeling his eyes away from the tv and looking down at you. 

your head’s on his chest, and your eye are wide with admiration as you look up at him and shake your head. you tell him no, that you like his facial hair and it makes him look about five years older. he smiles, despite the fact that he asks you if that meant you didn’t like the babyface he usually wore. 

you smile then, rolling your eyes and squealing when his fingers dig into your ribs. you try to swat him away, but he rolls the two of you over and effectively traps you between him and the mattress. he only stops when you struggle to catch your breath from laughing, both of you wearing wide, cheesy grins while holding eye contact. 

you lean up and press your lips to his, humming when he pushed back against your lips with added pressure. his fingers dip down to your hips, gripping them slightly before slipping under the material of your shirt. 

mat has to pull himself out of the memory before his mind goes too far. he can’t spend too much time dwelling on the moment, or he’ll back out. he can’t back out, not after getting this far. 

he needs to tell you, needs you to know that he wants the best for you. he wants you to have everything you’ve ever wanted in life, even if he isn’t the one that gets to give it all to you. 

he wants you to know that he loves you, and will until his last breath. the years he spent with you weren’t like anything else he’s ever experienced, and he has a feeling it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. 

your smile spreads a warmth through his chest. he notices that it doesn’t reach your eyes, but neither does his. he walks into the coffee shop, know that there are so many thoughts bound to be left unspoken by the end of this. neither of you know how to start this conversation, but you take the first plunge. 

“you look good.” he lets a soft laugh slip, not understanding how that can be the first thing you’re saying to him after all of this time. he takes it in stride though, and bites his tongue so he doesn’t return the sentiment. 

there’s not much small talk. it’s practically impossible to sit in front of the other and pretend like the last few years never happened. he can’t act like he doesn’t know how it feels to wake up beside you, or have your lips moving up and down the skin of his neck. you can’t pretend you don’t know how it feels to watch him score a goal, or two, or three, and be the one that gets to go home with him afterwards. 

so he takes a deep breath, and you sense the hesitation coursing through him. he notices your patience, remembers how that came in handy over the course of your relationship. he gives you another small smile, and grips the cup in front of him as a way to keep his hands occupied while he starts to speak.

“i just want you to know that i want you to be happy. i know that you are, and that makes me happy. i hope you get your ball room floor, and your perfect house with rose red doors. i know that it’s been a long time, and i couldn’t tell you that when-” he swallows, and attempt to stop the lump from forming in his throat. it doesn’t work, but it adds a sense of comfort in a weird way. 

“i want you to know that i’m happy for you. i wish it was me, and i’d be lying if i said there’s a point where i won’t feel like that, but i know that you wanted things i couldn’t give you. i hope he's better than I ever could have been.” he doesn’t say that he doesn’t think that’s possible, and he doesn’t say that he’s ready to give you everything you’ve ever wanted, everything you asked him for a year ago. 

he doesn’t say that he’s ready now, that he’s at a place that he didn’t think he’d ever reach. you don’t get the pleasure of knowing that mat’s ready for this, for you. you’re left with the thought that he’ll never be ready, and you’ll never be given the chance to see mat mowing the lawn of a big, two-story house with a red door and a wrap around porch. 

you don’t tell him that you want to hear it, that you need to hear it. you don’t tell him that you’d drop everything you have right now if it meant that you can live that life with mat. he doesn’t get the pleasure of knowing that you’re silently begging him to ask you to leave your new life behind and run away with him. he’s left with the thought that you’re satisfied with what you have going for you, and he’ll never be given the chance to see you in a beautiful white dress, walking towards him with a smile so bright, he thinks it’ll blind him. 

you sit across from each other, biting your tongues and holding back words that would change everything if just one of you would simply spit it out. if one of you could build the courage to just say what you were both thinking, your lives would change once again. your lives would finally end up being everything you wanted them to be. 

but you don’t say anything, because you don’t think there’s a place for you to say it. mat doesn’t say anything, and he thinks he’s doing the right thing by holding back. he thinks he’s come to terms with how his life is meant to play out, and you think he’s still incapable of reaching the point that you need him to be at. 

you leave the coffee shop with a weight on your shoulders that wasn’t there when you arrived. your stomach feels uneasy, maybe from the coffee but definitely from the realization that you’d never be able to move on from mathew barzal. 

mat stays in his seat after you leave, not being able to hug you goodbye or watch you walk back to your car. he can’t find it in him to move from his spot, trying to give himself the time to come to the realization of what just happened. he knows that he still loves you, knows that he’ll always love you. he feels his chest ache and maybe it’s the weight of the situation, but it’s definitely from the realization that he’d never be able to move on from you. 

it’s going to be another long, lonely december.

-

barzy taglist; @extratragic @vinceduhn @teenagekook @smit41 @sidscrosbyy​ 

himbos; @babytkachuks​ @bricksatlandyswindow​ @anxietyandtacos​ @damndunner​ @dmonchld​ @kiedhara​ @sortagaysortahigh​ 

#mathew barzal #mat barzal #mat x reader #new york islanders #islanders #isles #nhl #nhl fic #nhl imagine #mathew barzal imagine #hockey fic #hockey imagine #mathew barzal x reader #mat barzal x reader #barzy

[flecks-of-stardust]

ghost, broken vessel, thk, hornet and quirrel :) you dont have to do them all but

(ask game referenced) [link to ask box]

don't tell me what to do /lh

its really long, so im gonna put this under a cut

Ghost

First impression: baby. little cutiepie whom i love. smol murder machine go brrrr Impression now: still a murder machine but Way angrier. stab first, think later, never apologize. this vessel can fit So much trauma in it JKBKJBKJ Favorite moment: honestly i have No idea. i dont know if theres a specific favorite moment i have for them, because theres a lot that made me like them as a character to begin with, but also like. my interpretation of them is Very canon divergent, so sfkjghjks Idea for a story: i have a whole fucking au, here's the link Unpopular opinion: i stand by the idea that ghost is old as balls. while i thoroughly enjoy kid ghost content, i just cannot look at them myself and see them as a child? their body may be that of one, but theyre definitely at least a few decades old, which. automatically puts them in Not A Kid territory for me. i know some people are really adamant on calling ghost a child because of the in game dialogue but,,, id rather they Not be a child. please and thank you. sjgkhjkjks Favorite relationship: no <3 though i think about them with their siblings a lot Favorite headcanon: i headcanon them as loveless! it just,, feels right for them, idk. im actually a lovequeer aro, so im a little out of my depth here, but. yeah. they just seem like the type to identify with that

Broken Vessel/Lost Kin

First impression: ah fuck a boss fight. fuck shit fuck shit fuck fuck FUCK STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR INFECTION BLOBS. im ddarking you to death Impression now: YOOOOUUUUUU ARE MY AAANGGGEEEEEEEEELLLLLLL I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAND AND KISS YOUR FOREHEAD Favorite moment: its not necessarily a 'favorite' moment per se? but the ending of the lost kin fight would probably be it. them reaching out after dying in the broken vessel fight is heartbreaking enough, but the fact that unlike the other dream battles, you dont get to 'listen' to them. the prompt is 'accept.' and that really got to me my first playthrough—still does, tbh—and coupled with the fact they wordlessly bow to you before shattering into 400 essence, i cried for like 10 minutes after beating them the first time. theres probably something to be said about acceptance in hollow knight, and how ghost killed their sibling not once, but twice to finally lay them to rest, but im not gonna put the thought in to word that right now Idea for a story: once again, i have a whole ass au! specifically for lheki though, i have a post-dreamless story idea involving them, ghost, and orchid (greenpath vessel), where the latter two sneak into probably the lab lheki's working in and break something important. im not sure yet, but they break Something, and lheki goes full older sibling rage mode on them sgjkhjk i like sibling shenanigans :D Unpopular opinion: unsure how unpopular this is, but i personally view them as the oldest vessel of the four. its my way of explaining why they're taller than ghost, and also ive melded their personality into that role now rip Favorite relationship: no <3 Favorite headcanon: suddenly realizing i might be conflating opinion with headcanon but uhhhh whatever. anyway they're the science vessel, because yes. they're the most logically attuned of the four vessels, and they like helping out in the archives as well as doing sciencey stuff with monomon and quirrel. i will not be taking criticism,

The Hollow Knight/Pure Vessel

First impression: OH GOD HELP SHIT FUCK SIBLING STOP STABBING ME AAAAA WHY ARE YOU SO FA S T (i honestly wasnt thinking much about them as a character in the moment lol) Impression now: damn, move a little faster will you. i know youve been stuck here rotting for centuries, but your godhome equivalent is so much faster i keep dashing into you. character wise though? HRFRYURBGRBHJGGRRBHJRBHJGGRHJB BAAAABYY I WILL GIB KI S S Favorite moment: honestly? all of the pure vessel fight. its still one of my favorites, even if its not a moment per se sfkjgkjasks Idea for a story: au! au!!!!! au!!!!!! i do also have a different idea that specifically features glimmer (their dreamless name) and its kinda just cozy moments post-dreamless (with a smidgen of angst). i cant say much because this idea has lots of spoilers, rip, but its cute. i think Unpopular opinion: they're the youngest! for similar reasons stated in the broken vessel section, but the other way around; at least with dreamless lore, they were selected after lheki was discarded, after a bunch of other 'failed' vessels. so by default they have to be the youngest. also its fun to have the 'youngest sibling is the tallest' dynamic askjfgj Favorite relationship: n o < 3 Favorite headcanon: i dump all my chronic pain and chronic illness stuff on them because they are a Very convenient slate for that. theres so many ways you could take it?? like phantom limb pain and also nerve pain in general for their severed arm, the cracks through their eye probably impact their vision somehow, the scarring on their torso is definitely going to impact Something, and i also subscribe to the idea that holly's growth was unnatural and forced, which caused them to grow faster than they should have and also made them taller and bigger than they otherwise would be, which is a longwinded way to say full body chronic pain! because they never shouldve grown this fast! :D

Hornet

First impression: i vividly remember that my first thought upon seeing her was 'SISSA!!!!!' because i'd watched a few hollow knight related things after my friend suggested the game to me. so i went into the game with a little bit of background information, particularly with the main sibling trio. also she was just cool Impression now: SISSAAAAAAAAAA who also has a lot of trauma that she has yet to work through <3 pointy and angry because of said trauma, but fundamentally a very caring person Favorite moment: do i have to pick one? hornet herself is always a favorite moment gjkhKJJKS yeah idfk man Idea for a story: im just going to keep mentioning my au. everyone's in there. please check it out /gen i Also happen to have ideas for hornet pov chapters. i just have lots of ideas. mainly theyre just scenes that i want to rewrite from her perspective because i think itd be interesting sdsdkjjks Unpopular opinion: i personally view her as pretty touch averse, which seems to be like. nonexistent among the broader fanon of her. she's had to close herself off for a very long time, and i think while she'd still like physical affection to an extent, it's foreign and a little uncomfortable for her to indulge and engage in that affection, and not all of it is from the trauma she has to work through. its also just overwhelming to her to be grabbed in hugs and stuff; she and glimmer/holly worked out a way to show affection without hugs, and part of it is horn clinking! i havent figured out much more beyond that though, aside from the fact that ghost keeps forgetting hornet doesnt like hugs sfkgjhjks Favorite relationship: im just going to keep saying no for this row because i dont really give a shit about shipping, and i think the sibling dynamics are far more interesting to play around with. i see lacenet, i think its cool, but also i dont care and dont really understand. yall have fun though Favorite headcanon: ive mentioned this in other posts as well, but i really like the idea of her having a little. like. spinneret on her rear end. i havent seen anyone go with this depiction of her, which is,,, a little startling considering she Clearly uses silk, and she has to get it somehow? and she is a spider after all, so i like the idea of her making her own silk which she collects. the problem is i dont know how to draw it :(

Quirrel

First impression: :O friend! hello! Impression now: BEST BOY QORL, IMMACULATE DAD VIBES I LOVE YOU. i am going to ignore you sitting by blue lake on purpose Favorite moment: honestly him appearing in the uumuu fight was a Delight. i dont remember what my thoughts were exactly, but it felt so good to have him fighting with me, even if it was,, mostly just dodging and waiting for him to deflate uumuu skjgkjhkjs Idea for a story: auuuuuuuu but i dont think i have any current ideas for quirrel focused stories. there Is that poem i posted a while back, but. hm. i dunno, things may change thouWAIT NO I REMEMBER. yes i also have something from his perspective. but that's also heavily spoiler filled so i cant elaborate unfortunately Unpopular opinion: i dont,,, think i have any unpopular opinions about him. id say 'monomon raised him' but im fairly sure that's actually quite popular. so idk sakjjksdg Favorite relationship: in line with what i mentioned above, i really like quirrel and monomon's relationship. not romantic though; i honestly cant wrap my head around romantic quirrelxmonomon and it kind of weirds me out, but i suppose with how vague the timeline is anything is possible Favorite headcanon: dad quirrel :) look im just a sucker for anything familial KJDFKJGKJKJ while dreamless doesnt have dad quirrel in it, its a top tier concept and i fucking Love it. he just has those Vibes yaknow

dear god this is long. thanks for the ask, fuck you tumblr for deleting the first iteration of this :')

#dont jinx me. i swear to fuck #ask game #ghost #the knight #the hollow knight #holly #broken vessel #lost kin #lheki #hornet #quirrel

[vesuvian-american-fics]

better with time. Ch 6

your name.

You finally have a name for yourself, after so long you are Y/N. (AO3)

Words: 1,815

That afternoon you were woken up with a flick to the forehead. Slowly opening your eyes and allowing them to adjust to the bright scenery you found Levi looming over you. Before you could speak or sit up, he flicked your forehead again harshly.  

“Oi, brat. Wake up and eat...” He said with a bored tone. You frowned before groaning as you sat up. Your chest was sore, breathing was painful but you did find that you felt absolutely famished. Your muscles ached as you reached for the plate on your bed side table and began to eat hastily. Levi’s lips formed into a slight frown at the sight before him.  

“No manners.” He muttered to himself as he flipped through his reports. While you were asleep it seemed, Levi set up shop with you in the infirmary, a small table with a neat stack of forms sat a few feet away from you. Quill pens lay next to an ink well on one end, and on the other sat Levi’s favorite tea set. Levi’s eyes watched as yours scanned over his table and he cocked his brow at you.  

“Mind your business and eat.” He spat, before crossing one leg over the other. You huffed at him before taking a large bite out of your loaf of bread dramatically. The two of you rolling your eyes at each other.  

The silence drew on and as you finished your meal you sat awkwardly on your bed, not knowing what to do with your hands. Erwin hadn’t yet arrived with your new book and your old ones were nowhere to be found. Levi noticed this but decided against going to grab them for you from your old cellar.  

Silently he rose from his seat and poured you a cup of warm tea to ease your aching throat. The two of you sipped your teas in the continued silence before Hange came barging in to check on you.  

They felt your forehead, still a little warm but your fever was definitely dropping. After your routine checkup Hange asked if you were up for a bath to which you desperately agreed.  

“Well, Levi while I watch her in the bath can you change the sheets?” Hange asked with a shit eating grin, though it did little to mask their anxiety for asking Levi to do something like that. Levi frowned as he eyed the sheets over, knowing they were drenched in your sweat put him off.  

“No.” He replied dryly turning his body away from your bed as if to remove himself further away from your sick germs. Hange pouted before hatching a new idea for a solution.  

“If I switch the sheets, you’ll have to take her to the bath–”  

“Fine.” He said with an exasperated sigh, setting his tea cup down gently before slipping out of the door not waiting to see if you follow him or not. You groan and pout in Hange’s direction but do your best to catch up with Levi. Your body was feeling so heavy and weak you looked forward to the bath but not with Levi in the room.  

The partition will help to give you privacy but the dead silence will be nerve wracking. Your inner complaints fell silent when you found yourself walking past many of the scouts you recall seeing in the canteen and outside of the infirmary.  

The scouts gawked and moved out of Levi’s path as he walked on ahead but you slowed down to take the time to memorize their faces. They looked younger than you, well, everyone’s younger than you considering your past but that’s beside the point.  

You gave the young scouts a sheepish smile and a little wave before catching up with Levi. You gave the young boy with those large emerald eyes a curt nod before continuing on. He looked like he wanted to ask a million questions, and you hoped one day to be able to answer them.  

Levi addressed a tall man as he walked towards the baths, his name was Mike. The two men nodded at one another as they passed by and you gave him a small nod of your own. However, instead of returning that gesture the tall man hastily slapped his hand over his nose and backed away from you.  

Mortified, you gasped and wrapped your arms over your body as if to conceal your scent. Was it that bad, really? As if it couldn’t get any worse Levi saw the entire thing and a smug look was painted over his features, probably laughing at your expense. You whined to yourself before continuing to the bath and slipping inside.  

Levi shook his head trying and failing to conceal the smirk on his face.  

“Mike has a strong sense of smell.” He commented as you slid the partition in front of the tub with a frown ever present on your features. You sucked your teeth at the new information.  

“ Great, so I just broke his nose with my ick, ” you thought to yourself. Levi stood across the room with arms folded as you peaked back behind the partition and began to undress. You slid down into the steaming water and released a delighted sigh, allowing your weary muscles relax in the warmth. Any humiliation from you encounter with Mike melting away.

Hearing the splashing water die down Levi excused himself to quickly retrieve fresh clothes for you. He brought back an olive button down blouse, khaki slacks, and a pair of slippers. Swiftly he walked up to the chair next to your bath and dropped the neatly folded clothes onto its seat. You eyed him warily, sinking an inch deeper into the bath but Levi was a gentleman of course, he made no attempt at sneaking a peak at your body and you appreciated that. It was hard to imagine him as the perverted type anyway.

<3

Levi leaned his back against the wall of the washroom near the door, sighing before reluctantly breaking the silence.  

“You remember your name yet brat?” He asked, tilting his head to the side as he waited impatiently for your attempted response. You hummed “no”, sounding a bit sad.  

“Troublesome...” He muttered under his breath but you caught what he said loud and clear. You huffed at his comment before reaching for the shampoo bottle and giving your scalp a scrub.  

You hummed delightedly, feeling refreshed and clean. Just as you were stepping out of the bath Levi ordered you to hurry, dress, and get back to the infirmary. Levi stepped into the hall where he was met with a scout pacing back and forth on the other side of the door impatiently waiting for someone to emerge.  

“What do you want brat?” Levi spat waiting for the young boy to explain himself.  

It was Eren Yeager, he had so many questions he’s been wanting to ask about you. Who you are and why you’re here? Just as he opened his mouth to ask as much you stepped into the hall, dressed in your new comfy clothes and drying your drenched hair on a fluffy towel.  

Eren’s eyes scanned between you and Captain Levi, mouth still agape before he finally spoke.  

“You’re a titan shifter?” He interrogated, staring a bit too hard at you. It was a little unnerving how eager he seemed for an answer, an answer you weren’t sure of yourself.  

Awkwardly you shrugged your shoulders looking between the two men.  

“Theres your answer brat, now get to cleaning in there.” Levi ordered shuffling between the two of you to leave towards the infirmary.  

“B-but–” Eren attempted to protest his new chores but he was quickly silenced with an irritated glance from the Captain. Eren deflated before stalking off into the wash room to tidy up to Levi’s high standards. You gave him an apologetic smile before following Levi back to your room.  

There you were met with Commander Erwin, he stood in the middle of the room flipping through a thick book, one you supposed was meant for you.  

“Oh, there you are!” He said with a bright smile handing over the book to you.  

“This is for you, pick whichever one you like most.” He nodded towards the text in your hands, while you looked at him questionably. That is, until you saw the context of the book. Names.  

It was a book filled entirely of names to pick from. Something in your chest twisted almost painfully, you hadn’t realized how heartbreaking it was to have forgotten your own name. However, finding a new identity for your new life felt a bit rewarding and poetic. Grinning with misty eyes you flipped through the pages enthusiastically.  

A knock sounded against the door but you ignored it as you continued to scan the pages with haste. Hange slipped inside and Levi caught them up on what was happening.  

“She's picking out a name...” He said with a bored tone, yet on the inside he was anticipating your choice. Hange gasped and clapped their hands together, excited to finally have a name to call you form here on out.  

You pointed out a name to Hange and watched as their expression soured.  

“I don’t know about Daisy for you...” they said hesitantly, a tentative smile on their face as they flipped to another page to divert your attention from Daisy. Levi’s own expression twisted at the sound of that one too, and Erwin chuckled giving a choice of his own.  

“Mildred?” This time you were the one frowning, shaking your head frantically before snorting a bit at that name. Levi shook his head before adding his suggestion.  

“How about the brat flips to a random page and the first name she finds we use that? Problem solved.” He added, feigning irritation and impatience. You gave him a small smile before taking him up on the offer.  

Closing your eyes, you flipped the pages at random before randomly stopping yourself and pointing at a spot on the page.  

Slowly you opened one eye to see where you landed, Hange leaned eagerly over your shoulder to get a glance themself.  

“Ooo~ I like this one!” Hange exclaimed giving you a playful nudge in the side. Erwin glanced at your finger on the page, his thick eyebrows raising a fraction in surprise.  

“Lucky pick! It’s lovely, do you like it?” He asked, his features softening at the dazed look on your face. You loved it, it felt perfect. You felt like this name was already yours. You nodded softly, unshed tears clouding your vision.  

Levi sauntered over and looked at the name on the page before giving a curt nod.  

“It’s not shitty.” He said plainly. You chuckled before smiling at the page once more.  

That’s when, in 107 years you uttered your first word. Voice soft and trembling.  

“Y/N.”  

#levi ackerman #levi #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #captain levi #aot #attack on titan #snk #better with time. #sorry to all Mildreds and Daisys #<3

[i-prefer-the-term-antihero]

Additionally, your thoughts on Dracula and Adrian from the Netflix adaptation of Castlevania? I find Dracula really tragic, and the ending scene of Season 2 crushed me because I was not expecting Adrian to cry. He’s usually so stoic and calm that I didn’t think he would weep, I expected him to just shrug it off like heroes usually do, but no, when given time to process everything, the first thing he does is break down into tears. Sypha was right in calling him a brooding teen in an adult body.

Ohh man. If you just take a look at my writing blog (or anywhere I post my fanfiction) it’ll become pretty clear pretty quickly how I feel about them XD So far all my Castlevania fics have been about the Tepes Family. Adrian and Drac are my favorite characters in the series!! (Though I do love pretty much all the characters in it.)

YES YES YES!!

They did an incredible job making Drac sympathetic and tragic. I don’t know if you know anything about the games, and granted, they couldn’t put a lot of story stuff in the games, but (at least as far as I’m aware) in most of them it’s like “ya, he was an evil dude who did evil things because he was evil.” So it actually would have been pretty accurate to the source to make him just an unsympathetic, irredeemable villain, but they didn’t and I LOVE them for it. Playing Symphony of the Night (Alucards game) after watching the series l was almost longing for that Drac I know and love from the series, (though it’s fun to see evil Drac too).

As I’ve said, I adore redeemable villains, and they did an amazing job with him, to the point where pretty much everyone in the fandom adores him, which is extremely tough to accomplish—even if you write a redeemable villain well, often large parts of the fandom don’t see it and hate the character. I knew that the point was that they were going to defeat Drac but I have to say, especially since I originally knew nothing of the games, I was hoping they’d save him by the end.

I think the fact that he liked and was kind to Hector and Isaac was evidence that he wasn’t too far gone. I mean, the only two people he genuinely trusted and liked in his court were human…that’s so interesting, I wish it was at least talked about, either in the show or in the fandom. I think he actually liked humans, partially or especially because of Lisa, he just...was so angry, and needed someone to blame. He probably ultimately blamed himself for not being there to save her, and it was just easier to blame the humans he once hated/didn’t understand, even if in reality he didn’t hate them as much as he thought he did...

Doing more thinking and research into the show for my “If These Walls Could Talk” fic I recognize now that symbolically it made sense even within the show that he died when Lisa died (which I can explain more about if you want but id probably end up going off on a long tangent so I’ll save it)...but I still thought practically, in the show, he could have still been redeemed.

Omg I LOVED that. The longer I take to sit with it, the more I realize just how much I loved that they put him crying instead of shaking it off.

It’s very interesting that Drac and Alucard are more openly emotional characters. I might be totally wrong, but as far as I remember, they (...and Lisa when she dies, and probably Isaac in a flashback), are the only main characters we see openly cry. It’s a pretty bold move to make any of your characters emotional like that, but especially your villain, and your bold handsome hero. It’s sooo easy to get emotional characters and emotions wrong…or just offputting to some people...but more on that later.

I think Adrian and Drac are both rather sentimental, in an odd way. Much of Drac’s motivations in the show and even in the games (the times his motivations are explained) had to do with his wives (yes he was married before Lisa in the games...unless Lament of Innocence was retconned...) which is interesting. So many of his decisions are based on emotion. He lets Lisa in just because he likes her, he goes to war with the world because of Lisa, he sits in his study mourning her loss, he let’s Alucard kill him… I also notice very often he digs his nails into his palms until they bleed, presumably because if he didn’t he’d hurt someone else (in the scene where he hurts Alucard, he does this). His sentimentality doesn’t diminish is power as a villain, which is SO difficult to accomplish.

 I am emotional myself so I absolutely love to see emotional characters, but for most people, seeing even a normal character be emotional diminishes them in their eyes, or makes them whiny, so making your villain even a little emotional, and having that not take away from the audiences perception of their power as a villain is sooooooo hard to do, and I applaud them for making a so well-beloved, and still villainous and intimidating, but also emotional (at times) villain.

For Alucard. I don’t see any problem with him being emotional, but it makes even more sense if he’s a teen in an adult’s body—which was indeed portrayed quite well.

Yes that was interesting when he cried when drawing his parents!! I wasn’t expecting that when I saw him drawing them. I was enjoying and intrigued by his story so much, then when he started crying I was caught off guard—but in a good way. It really made me feel for him, and understand that he was still grieving his mother, and that knew the gravity of what he was currently doing.

I think it’s kind of important to show that kind of thing in a situation like this. It’s easy to think Alucard hates his dad, and they need to show the emotion of the situation to make it clear “no he doesn’t hate his dad, this actually breaks his heart, he just knows he has to do this.”

I loved when he was telling Trevor and Sypha about how much the world would lose by killing Dracula. It’s really interesting that he hides his emotion with them, and that Trevor and Sypha are so stoic. The son of Dracula isn’t the guy you expect to be the only hero who cries.

In “For Love” when Trevor’s like “Don’t get weepy about it” I was sitting there, sobbing, like “No, please get weepy about it! Let the boy cry for goodness sake!! Give me some emotion!!” But I too was not expecting him to cry like he did, and in grieving the death of his parents...

I knew the crying scene was coming because I’d seen pictures of it on here and pinterest, but I had no context for it. In the end it wasn’t just the weeping itself that made the scene so impactful, it was everything surrounding it. I didn’t know it would happen when he was completely alone (and would be for the foreseeable future), and in grieving his parents, or about the ghosts/flashbacks before it (cementing his grief), or that it was literally the last scene of the season, or that there would be no music for both the scene and the credits thereafter.

And that was what really got me.

Because, firstly, we never got to see any flashbacks to his childhood, and that was what I was begging for the entire series (and hence why its what I write about). To finally get it, and it not to just be something the audience gets to see, but something Alucard himself is seeing... a happy memory he’s seeing when he knows that is completely gone, he cannot hope to have it again, and for him to now be in his father’s place…that’s heartbreaking. Like just having your character cry—let alone those kinds of full-on sobs—is painful enough, showing a son grieving his parents is a particularly heart wrenching kind of sadness, but showing that he is haunted by memories of those parents he lost—not only lost but one of which he killed, and, if SOTN is canon for the show, the other of which he could have saved—of a happy childhood, and he is alone with these memories for the foreseeable future...that is truly heart wrenching.

Also the scene with Trevor and Sypha in the wagon earlier in the episode was super sweet, they could have easily put the Adrian crying scene earlier, and had the Trevor and Sypha scene be the last scene of the season (and Trevor’s game actually does end with them looking into the sunset, so ending with the last scene of “For Love” would be accurate as well), and left it on a positive note, and the audience would have been left with a completeness. But they made a conscious choice put his crying scene last, and it was so powerful, because it made you remember that at the end of the day, he isn’t just our bold handsome hero, he was a son who lost both his parents, and that, to him, this isn’t really a triumph, but a loss. It also kinda confirmed that Drac wasn’t an "evil guy, end of story". That there was reason to grieve him, and to show his son grieving, and to leave it there because of it. It was a personal gravity too

In the end, it was the lack of music in the scene, and even more so during the credits, so theres only his tears, and all you are left with in the end is this amplified emptiness that really did me in. I think I literally sat there, tear tracks on my face, my mouth open when I hit the credits.

Playing Symphony of the Night after watching the show is really interesting in exploring his character. I knew there was very little story, so I wasn’t expecting much from the story, but I actually found that I was beyond excited whenever there actually was some story, and the few lines they did say are stuck with me.

Maria comments early on that Alucard’s not very good at talking. At first I just chalked it up to...weird translations or whatever. But the more I played the game and the more I thought about him in the show...I think she’s right. He’s not very good at talking, yet if and when he does talk he’s quite eloquent, and precise with his words. (This actually makes him a somewhat difficult character to write). I wonder if perhaps this has some connection to his emotionalness. He’s very careful with what he says, and this may spread to what he does—such as being careful when he shows emotion. I’m curious why he’s like this. It could just be his nature, but I wonder if as a kid he was ever hated because he was a vampire—maybe people made fun of him, and he cried, and they made more fun of him because of it—and he learned both to hide his emotions, and that he had to be very deliberate and show people he didn’t mean any ill will with his words. (And he looks older than he is so people might call him immature for acting his mental age). All very speculative, of course. But it’d be fun to write about!

Also, another thing from SOTN that is related to this topic, there was a fight that really struck me (enough I actually wrote a fic about it (inverted recurrence)). SOTN takes plays 300 years after the events of The Netflix Series (aka Dracula’s Curse). Most of the bosses don’t seem to have a lot of meaning story-wise, they’re just there for you to fight. The other day I (Alucard) walked into a boss room...and there were Trevor, Sypha, and Grant (who was omitted from the Netflix series). They were fake versions of them, of course. And there’s no dialogue in the fight so maybe I’m just speculating, but what struck me was that the fact that Dracula could use them against him probably means he still cares about them, even after 300 years. It probably also means that they’re some of the only friends he’s ever had. Granted, he was asleep for a good chunk of those 300 years, still. It goes back to that sentimental-ness I was talking about earlier.

I few years ago I watched the Gravity Falls commentaries, and from them I got a lot of the writing advice I still think about and use today. Alex Hirsch said something on this subject which I really liked which is “Hold your tears.” When a character cries they’ve broken, that’s as far as they can go. So if you make a character cry when the audience themselves doesn’t feel the weight of the scene, or it doesn’t feel like the character has broken yet, it can feel like too...much/cheesy, and distance the audience. especially with cartoons where the way it’s drawn can actually affect your sympathy for the character (it can look weird or accentuated).

They did such an awesome job with this by literally holding his tears until the very end. I don’t know how other, non-emotional people felt about it, but Ive don’t know if I’ve ever seen tears used so well in a show, pack such a punch. To have it not just be a part of the scene but literally the focus, and at the end...it was powerful.

Sorry for the long response, and more importantly, I’m beyond sorry for taking so so SOOO long to respond. I hope you enjoy my response, if you see it <3

P.S. For anyone else who made it all the way to the end, I actually have a Castlevania sideblog now: @symphonyofthewrite !! I’d be beyond happy to recieve asks like this over there, if you’d like to hear more of my thoughts!!

#castlevania #castlevania meta #alucard #alucard castlevania #dracula castlevania #vlad dracula tepes #adrian tepes #adrian fahrenheit tepes #castlevania analysis #castlevania alucard #castlevania dracula #vlad tepes #emotional characters #meta #analysis #castlevania netflix #castlevania season 2 #castlevania season 2 spoilers #castlevania s2 #for love #symphony of the night #castlevania symphony of the night #castlevania sotn #sotn

[inosukeslefttoe]

OKAY OKAY SO,,, its late and i should either be sleeping or finishing my friends birthday gift… BUT ,,, i watched the first ep of To Your Eternity today and my GOD it was… oh lord i already know this is going to be on my top list immediately. and i watched it in the middle of class like an idiot and didnt even have time to properly cry so now its nightime and im aggressively typing about it on tumblr like a responsible adult B) so obviously,, EP ONE OF TO YOUR ETERNITY SPOILERS !!! ,, okay first of all i gotta do the mandatory HOLY SHIT THIS ART IS SO PRETTY AND ADDS EVEN MORE EMOTION DEAR GOD ITS SO GORGEOUS AND HEART WRENCHING DKHGKGN but tbh i wasnt even focused on the art for this one i was just so wrapped up in the story. but the first ep introduces the orb that came to earth and took the form of a rock. it gained experience through this and saw a wolf die and then became the wolf. throughout the first episode the orb was a wolf which was pretty rad !! and the wolf happened to belong to an unnamed boy living in the snow,.. and oh my god idk what it is about stories about lonliness but… THAT SHIT HIT DIFFERENT YKNOW ?? the boys whole family was uh… in some sort of village far away… and he wanted to hike with his dog, joann, to go find them. they followed paths created by the ppl before them only to find the village…. completely destoryed and abandoned in the snow… . and of course our lil boy breaks down and then heads back home with joann where he uh,,, dies shorlty after… and then the orb takes on his form !! good gracious… i didnt think i could get so attached to a character so quickly but i am shaking and on the verge of tears thinking about him. he showed joann drawings of his family and was like “u better not forget !!” while then making a joke about how it was really himself that he didnt want to forget… and this was the first time we saw that bit of vulnerable desperation that this poor boy was trying to hide. it came out more along his journey with joann. he ran into to several hardships and even passed out several times and sustained many injuries yet he always picked himself back up with a smile. He also chatted with joann throughout the episode in what i assumed to the precious bond between man and dog but. he was alsways smiling and always looking at the bright side. even upon finding the villages remains, he claimed to be happy that people were there at some point… but then he broke. AND I ALMOST DID TOO. he cried and yelled and realized just how alone he was in the world. his life was meaningless and all he had was himself and his wolf who he couldnt even talk to. his family was gone and so was all hope of finding another better life and now he was stranded with nowhere to go. luckily him and joann were able to make it back to his original house but the damage had been done. he barely smiled and he only halfheartedly talked to joann. in his final moments he dragged himself out of bed and sat in his chair claiming that itd be embarassing for his family to come home and find him pathetically curled up in bed… so he wanted to look his best…BESTIE…I COULD NOT TAKE THAT…. i dunno if it was just the extreme isolation of that or if it was because of his denial of reality or just the bizarre concept and emotional music and art but.. idk dude smthn hasnt hit that hard in a while and i am absolutely obsessed. there was just something so heartbreaking about watching this happy energetic lovely boy slowly deteriorate into acceptance of the life he knew he was doomed to live… and knowing theres no hope for him since the beginning… and like ?? his dog wasnt even actually his dog bro ?? just another sentient force watching his detioration like the rest of us. i feel like i couldnt really articulate my feelings towards this as well as i wanted since i feel rushed and tired but i hope i still got smthn across :D OMG ALSO .. WHEN HE DIED THERE WAS A SCENE OF HIM REUNITING WITH HIS FAMILY AND BEING SO GENUINELY EXCITED AND HAPPY LIKE HOW HE WAS WHEN HE FIRST SAW JOANN AGAIN AFTER A FEW MONTHS AND HE WAS JUST SO FILLED WITH LOVE AND HOPE AND HE RAN INTO THEIR ARMS AND GHKDGDNG he is too good for this world and i adore him so much and just wish he couldve lived the happy and lovely life he deserved… in conclusion… if u throw me an anime character filled with love and hope and then u take that away from them and they fight and fight for it but are eventually broken…( or vice versa )… you will literally have ALL OF MY TEARS AND ALL OF MY MONEY… UPDATE: APPARENTLY THE ORB PUT THE BOY SITTING UP BACK IN HIS CHAIR BEFORE HE LEFT AND I JUST NCBDJFJD ITS TOO MUCH IM GONE

#to your eternity #anime review #manga review #seinen anime #fushi #to your eternity fushi #anime recommendation #good lord i need to cry myself to sleep now

[ask-the-six-human-souls]

Don't worry, we get it. With that said, how were Frisk, Papyrus and Undyne going to find the parents of each soul and what was going to happen to them, especially when they were given the objects of the souls?

((Just a disclaimer! This post is probably gonna get pretty long...

•••

Anyway! So, first we'll start off with how Frisk and the gang were going about finding the soul's homes and their parents...

Frisk was the second character to be poofed into the Void (the first being Flowey), and while they were here, I started getting the idea to make the comic since I thought it'd be a neat concept to have Frisk return all the humans belongings to their family!

If you've read the start of Returning The Memories, Frisk looks at this paper for reference a lot. This is because, while they were in the Void, they had asked all the souls either what their home addresses were, or, where they most likely would expect their parents to be. (As you can see, Kaden's has question marks on it...we'll get to that later!)

This is how Frisk knows where the soul's homes are, and what their parent's names are as well. So, all they needed was transportation, which is why Undyne and Papyrus came with them! And, also, Undyne and Papyrus may have helped lighten the mood some, since...this comic was certainly going to have some sad moments ;n;

Anyway, now for how Frisk went about addressing the soul's parents about the sad news/the parents reactions...

•••

Pate's mother's reaction 🎀🗡:

[See these pages of the comic: PG2 PG3 PG4]

Thankfully, Pate's section of the comic was one (and the only one) of the sections I managed to finish! But, I'll summarize Melissa's reaction here, as well:

She felt terribly guilty for how badly she had treated her daughter during the time she was alive...She often criticized Pate about how she looked, or what clothes she wore, and not only that, but Melissa would often ignore Pate because of work, and, well...dates. She also wasn't aware of Pate being bullied, which was also a major part that played in Pate climbing Mt. Ebott.

Seeing her daughter's items...it just brought back all the guilt at once...and, she really wishes she could have treated Pate better...

Matthew's dad's reaction 🧤🧡:

[See this page of the comic: PG5]

So, this is the part where I stopped updating...but, it was pretty much hinted at that Frisk would have to go to a jail in order to visit Matthew's father, Kyle. (They'd be able to talk to him by using one of those glass seperated things they have in jails?? Where you can visit them face to face. Frisk probably would have had to give the Gloves and Bandanna to a guard there, and entrust them on giving Kyle the items once he was out of jail.)

Anyway, after hearing the news about Matthew...Matthew's dad probably would have felt the same as Pate's mother...just, horribly guilty.

He would have put all the blame on himself immediately. (Just like how Matthew had blamed himself for being a horrible person about the whole thing that happened to Pate.)

However, Frisk tells Kyle thats not true. The way Kyle acted may have had somewhat of an impact, but, Matthew chose to climb the moutain on his own because whatever Matthew climbed the mountain for was important to him. Matthew is headstrong, and ultimately, probably would have climbed the mountain either way, even if his dad wasn't a bad influence.

In short, Kyle would have learned a lot when talking to Frisk about these things, and would have decided to make better decisions in his life once he was out of jail.

Amy's parent's reaction 🩰🎶:

So, to explain Amy's parent's reaction, first we have to know why Amy climbed Mt. Ebott. Essentially, her reason for climbing the mountain was to understand if monsters were truly bad, or not...she had been taught for as long as she could remember, that monsters were horrible, and evil...But, she noticed some people still thought that monsters were not all bad, and that them being trapped under Mt. Ebott was a horrible mistake...

Because of this, Amy had become very defiant the last few days before she climbed because she was so blinded by wanting to know the truth about monsters. It was so bad, that she thought her parents were going against her wanting to learn truth whenever they would tell her how dangerous the mountain was, and why she shouldn't explore it. Of course, that didn't stop her...

So, you can only imagine both Amy's mother (Alice) and father's (Jacob) reaction when they hear, and are presented with Amy's belongings...They would have both been horribly sad, thinking that because they were not willing to be strict enough, their daughter had perished...

But, Frisk tries to explain to them, that it wasn't all their fault. Amy was so blinded by wanting to know what was true and right, that she couldn't see what dangers she was putting herself into. Neither could she see that her parents only wanted to protect her...

In the end, with Amy's mindset...the outcome may have not been able to have been helped.

And Amy certainly regrets her decisions as much as her parents regret theirs...

Lucas's grandmother's reaction 📒💜:

Now we get into what would have been the shorter sections of the comic, shorter by some degree, at least...

For context, Lucas and Kaden are the only souls that have a parent/guardian that is dead...and neither of them are really aware of this, except for Lucas, who only assumes that could be the case with his grandmother.

Sadly, his assumption is correct, as only a few years after Lucas had climbed, his grandmother had passed away...

But, she was alive and well before Lucas climbed, and his grandmother (Margaret) influenced Lucas's climb pretty much unknowingly by talking highly of monsters. She remembered hearing about their kindness when she was much younger. However, Lucas heard at school and read books frequently that would say monsters were horrible beasts. This made him extremely conflicted. And, much like Amy, he wanted to know which side was correct. Not to mention, hearing stories that his grandmother told him would always leave him with more questions about monsters than answers.

Margaret was shocked that her actions had such an impact, and was very lonely, sad and worried once she realized Lucas had suddenly disappeared...Lucas had been the only one keeping her company...

I wanted Frisk to see both Lucas and Kaden's dead family members somehow and the only way I thought about doing this was by having Frisk lay the belongings of both Lucas and Kaden by where their family member was buried. So, Frisk had to go to whatever graveyard Margaret was buried, and lay Lucas's glasses and Notebook there...

However, when Frisk did this, I thought that perhaps something similar that happened with Chara would happen. Frisk saw Margaret's ghost by her clinging to their Determination. They either would have exchanged glances, or would have had a short conversation is what I had planned. But, once Frisk left, Margaret would no longer be able to persist as a ghost.

Kaden's grandfather's reaction 🍳💚:

Kaden's situation was different, however, since he had at least one member of his family still alive, and that was his grandfather. But, meeting him would have been easier said than done...

The reason why Kaden has question marks written on his part of the list is because, well...he was not able to remember his home address very well when Frisk asked him. He actually had a hard time remembering a lot of things...but, luckily for Frisk, he managed to remember the name of the hospital his mother stayed in.

While it wasnt a lot of info, Frisk does their best to work around it, and ends up having to visit the hospital Kaden had told them about. The receptionists, or possibly some of the nurses probably would have helped Frisk out, as they would more than likely have any info on Kaden and his family since his mother stayed in that hospital, and died there...

Once they obtain the address, Frisk goes to the home and is greeted by Noah, Kaden's grandfather, who is now the only person living in that home. Frisk breaks the news to him, and has to ask him if theres a graveyard Lily was buried in so they can lay Kaden's items there. Noah is obviously very shocked to hear all of this...but he tells Frisk there is a graveyard and agrees to ride with them, Payrus, and Undyne to give them directions and visit Lily's grave.

They get there, and Frisk and Noah go up to Lily's grave, and...Noah is just, completely distraught....he lost his daughter and nephew in such a short frame of time...its heartbreaking...

Frisk lays the items near the grave, but, again, the same thing happens with Margaret, where Frisk is able to see Lily's ghost, who is persisting via their Determination...She would have also been shocked and sad to know about what happened to Kaden, as...she didn't know he had went through all that suffering, just so that he could have attempted to help her.

Lily and Frisk can only exchange glances, though, since Noah is there, and Noah can't see Lily like Frisk can...

They don't visit for very long, but Noah is at least happy that now Kaden and Lily can be reunited in some kind of way now.

Justin's dad's reaction 💛:

Now, we get to Justin's dad (Adam). However, Frisk has actually encountered Justin's dad quite a few times before. Remember that one Undyne ask that mentioned how she was trying to get hired into the police force, but everytime theyd talk to the sheriff in the village, he'd always decline her? That was Justin's father. So Frisk is familiar with talking to him, to some degree.

Frisk would have gone to the police station in town in order to try and talk to Adam, and, once Frisk managed to come in and talk with him, and breaks the news to him, and shows him his son's belongings...

He was furious.

Monsters killed his son. And yet, now, Frisk is their ambassador. And he has to ask Frisk why they would have ever thought it was a good idea to let monsters, beasts who are not afraid to kill children, free on the Surface.

And Frisk has to do their best to explain to Adam that the monsters were only doing what they thought they could. And humans were doing everything they could. Frisk tells him that they remember the missing children being all over the news before they climbed Mt. Ebott. They wanted to help, and Frisk tells Adam that Justin must have wanted to help, too. But, sadly, monsters weren't being the friendliest when Justin, or Frisk climbed. But they're friendly now. Frisk would have had to explain that they were able to teach monsters that, even though humans did them wrong, acting out of rage wouldn't solve anything. Because of Frisk, monsters want humans to forgive them of the past, they just want to move on, and they want things to be peaceful, like they had been.

Adam remembers getting into multiple arguments with Justin about the search, and he remembers how desperately Justin wanted to help find those missing kids, and, he realizes that Frisk has a point...that Frisk and his son just wanted to do the only thing they could to help, and because of humans, monsters had to resort to violence...

He regrets having treated his son in a way that made him feel like a child, when, in the end, he could have been super helpful...perhaps if Adam would have thought through things more, and hadn't been so strict and angry, his son would have still lived...

In the end, Frisk teaches Adam to accept these new changes with monsters, and to realize that sometimes, being too strict can lead to bad things. That he needs a balance.

And, to add more to this happy ending, Adam decides to think about letting Undyne into the police force. :)

(Bonus) Chara encounter ❤:

So, I also thought about having Frisk climb back up Mt. Ebott, and summon Chara so that they could talk to each other. Chara is also considered one of the fallen humans, after all.

Frisk would have first apologized to Chara. (because, by this point, they had already done a Genocide route once, and they know that was a horrible experience for Chara to go through.) Chara, of course, begrudgingly excepts their apology...and Frisk would have promised to not RESET anymore.

Then, it would only make sense for Frisk to ask Chara about their parents. They would have explained what they had been doing with the other soul's items, and would have said that Chara deserves for their items to be with someone they care a lot about. However...Chara doesn't go into too much detail, but tells Frisk that they dont want the items going back to their real parents. They want Frisk to return their items to the Underground, where Chara thinks they belong since that is what they think their true home was.

So, Frisk would have ended up throwing the Locket and Dagger back into the Underground, and just like that, they would have returned every one of the human's items! :)

•••

So, that was my entire plan for each section of the comic! I just felt like it would have taken a long time for me to finish, and wouldn't have been as short as I orginally thought, it was just an overwhelming amount of work that I wasn't expecting. :(

But, still! At least I can share the plans I had this way! Feel free to ask more questions about the comic or the soul's pasts in general! Its fun to talk about! :)

#patience #bravery #integrity #perseverance #kindness #justice #undertale #undertale fan comic #undertale comic #undertale humans #undertale ask blog #undertale blog #undertale soul blog #undertale six souls #undertale souls #undertale headcanon #undertale headcanons #undertale human souls #undertale characters #returning the memories comic #returning the memories #ask the six human souls #ask blog #askblog #asks #ask #six human souls #frisk the human #ask the human souls #human souls

[percedurza]

I HAVE ALREADY SPOKE ON LENGTH ABOUT THE PRINCE OF EGYPT BUT NOT THE WHOLE THING ONLY THE PLAGUES AND MOSTLY PASSOVER. I JUST WATCHED THE FULL MOVIE FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I WAS A KID IM GONNA TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN BECAUSE IT WAS SO GOOD. OKAY.

okay let me first say that i was in tears within the first ten minutes of the movie. deliver us was so powerful and heartbreaking i cried BEFORE THE TEN MINUTE MARK. yeah.

when moses' mother sang her final lullaby to her son and pushed him downstream in that (blessed and very fortunate) basket my heart hurt. i cried with her. that was the last time she would ever see her baby.

when his sister sang her prayer for her baby brother, wishing for him to come back to deliver them as well, that just drove the nail in harder.

in a later scene before the banquet you can hear moses humming that last lullaby and since deliver us was just maybe ten minutes prior you remember it and realize he really did keep that final song.

and the banquet oh yeah ramesses gets appointed this big title? and he names moses as the grand architect

and theres this captured hebrew lady brought in for ramesses but shes fierce (i would be too, she was captured and brought to the people she hates the most) and so ramesses orders her to be brought to moses' chambers instead

moses goes to his chambers and suprise! she escaped! moses chases after and sees her sneaking out with her camel and distracts some guards so she wont get caught and once the guards are gone he goes after her again aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand

miriam (moses' sister) meeting him in the city streets and recognizing him, telling him he's her family and him shutting her down and calling her a slave.... it hurt. when she hums that lullaby and he RECOGNIZES and then rushes back home to have a dream about that day he was sent away (in beautiful animation designed to look like the hieroglyphs on his wall) its all so painful to watch him be forced out of nowhere to realize his life is a LIE because hes not a true prince of egypt, he's born of the slaves, and then his father the pharaoh justifies the order to slaughter innocent babies by saying "they were just slaves" and OUGH

moses kills a man. unintentional but he killed a man while trying to stop him from beating a slave. oops.

he cant live with this so he runs away into the desert. theres this scene where he collapses to the ground and sheds all of the jewelry and adornments from his life as royalty but as he takes off the ring ramesses gives him, he looks at it. and slowly puts it back on. because no matter what, he still loves his brother, and he always will.

moses falls into a well. yeah. chases off some ruffians and then basically faints and falls in. these girls the ruffians were harassing started pulling him out and SURPRISE SURPRISE the captured lady from the banquet is there and she drops him back in when she recognizes him and walks away all smug and her name is tzipporah! just an fyi (very pretty name love it)

moses basically gets adopted into the group of hebrews and moses says something about not ever having done anything of worth and so tzipporah's father jethro sings a little tune to him!

through heavens eyes is a masterpiece. i really dont know what else to say also i want jethro to be my dad hes so nice

aaanyway moses and tzipporah get married during the through heavens eyes montage! i just think thats nice

OKAY now juicy stuff the BURNING BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the scene in which moses encounter the burning bush and god.

god claims that he has seen his people (the hebrew slaves) suffering and cannot stand for it any longer, so he wishes to send moses as a sort of ambassador of god

and moses doesnt think hes worthy of being god's messenger, which god quickly shuts up by pointing out how he's kind of, like, GOD

and he teaches moses those big old words, "LET MY PEOPLE GO" wahoo!!!!!!

he rushes home to tell tzipporah, and shes like "but ur just one dude" and hes like "well i kinda have to also the hebrews are suffering in slavery so :////"

tzipporah and moses head on over to meet ramesses and theyre all excited to see each other and then moses is like "behold the power of god!!!!!!" and his staff becomes a snake. pretty gnarly if i do say so myself

and then the high priests are like "ok" and start basically performing and rapping the names of the egyptian gods at moses in response i really dont know how to describe it but its basically a whole lotta smoke and mirrors. not actual miracles

moses talks to ramesses and asks him to let his people go, and instead doubles the slave's workload. the slaves basically hate moses now because yeah he technically is the reason theyre getting pushed harder and even his own brother aaron seems to loathe him. miriam talks to moses and he sees ramesses' ship gliding down the nile nearby

he calls out to ramesses and he just sends his guards after him. and so moses brings the staff down and turns the river to blood.

THEN THE REST OF THE PLAGUES ENSUE!!!

theres this specific part of the plagues scene in which ramesses stands between two statues of egyptian gods and glances at them as if to ask why the fuck arent they doing anything about the LITERAL hellfire and general havoc being brought down on the city. just thought that was a really cool detail.

AND OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH passover. i really shouldnt get excited about talking about an event that killed a whole heck ton of kids but its like fnaf at this point who cares ANYWAY THE DEAD KIDS

i already talked about the passover scene but what i didnt include (i think) is how when god's spirit or whatever idk enters the palace, it passes over a statue of ramesses and you just think, oh fuck wait RAMESSES HAD A SON.

and sure enough, that son is dead. moses walks in as ramesses pulls a sheet over his sons dead body and ramesses finally, after all of the plagues, tells moses he can take the hebrews and leave.

as moses walks away you can see ramesses glare at moses because he may have said he was done but. hes not. of course.

moses and the hebrews are leaving with yet another beautiful musical sequence (when you believe) and you can see the hordes of former slaves walking to the sea.

AAND just like i said RAMESSES WASNT FINISHED! he brings a whole bunch of soldiers on horseback and chases the hebrews, and god literally rains fire on them again this time in the form of a flaming tornado that sweeps across the sand, making a big old wall of fire that the egyptian soldiers cant get through

which gives moses the time to do the famous parting of the sea. he brings that staff down in the water and DOES GODS WONDERS!!! yay!!!

watching them walk on the seabed was beautiful. with some lightning strikes you could see the silhouette of some kind of shark swimming in the water (looked it up there are sometimes whale sharks in the red sea this is accurate)

and the fire tornado recedes into the earth, the fire fades, the soldiers chase on at ramesses' orders. the water sweeps them away just as the hebrews make it to the other side and it later cuts back to ramesses, alone on the rocky shore, screaming out at moses. hes completely alone, soldiers presumably dead, and no family to speak of. his side of the sea is cloudy and gloomy, still stormy, but when it jumps back to the hebrews in celebration, the sun shines bright and happy. the hebrews are free.

the movie ends with moses walking down the mountain sinai, ten commandments in hand, while the last snippet of deliver us plays once again.

only one other movie has evoked this much of this kind of emotion in me.(the one movie is klaus LMAO klaus made me ugly cry) there was not a single second of watching this that i didnt have goosebumps.

the movie itself just looks pretty. all of the characters have unique and neat designs. (its also nice to see a movie with only poc in it like im just saying)

the musical scores and numbers are so expertly made. my favorite has to be deliver us but through heavens eyes is a very close second. through heavens eyes made me feel better about myself, in a way. the entire movie was like some healing experience.

all in all, this is an S tier movie, and i BEG BEG BEG anyone who hasn't seen it to watch it. just pirate it or something (i did lol watched it on an illegal streaming site)

if you're not religious and havent seen it, think of it as a chance to learn more about abrahamic faiths. if you are religious and havent seen it, well hey! here you go!!

#the prince of egypt #long post #beware

[ranaiki]

and then there was one

Okay so I once had this thought that completely, absolutely shattered my heart. And, like the amazing person I am, I’m going to be putting it into words and sharing my heartbreak with you all. I don’t want to give too much away here, but it has to do with the bond shared between twins :) (no, it is not twincest)

Characters: Miya Atsumu, Miya Osamu, Kita Shinsuke, Suna Rintarou, Hinata Shouyo, Aran Ojiro (some smatterings of Atsukita and Osasuna).

Warnings/Tags: angst. Just angst. Fluff if you squint? Swearing, death. Only a little bit of plot. Throwing up mentioned at one point. Post-timeskip spoilers ig?

A/N at end <3

⠀

⠀

Atsumu and Osamu Miya have always had an inexplicable connection.

Some shred of the universe decided that they would be borne of the same flesh and blood, that everything they had would be shared with one another - from their lives and experiences, all the way down to their face.

And maybe it’s silly, to think that anything other than coincidence made them brothers, twins, but the way they so perfectly melded together, two halves of the same whole, was far too special to have been left up to chance.

Well, maybe it wasn't always perfect. In fact, it was less than. But within imperfections lies the completeness many chase in life, the very same that the Miyas were fortunate enough to be born with already in their possesion.

As babies, Atsumu and Osamu would cry when separated, and never quell until their twin was once again in their presence. From the very beginning they had been pressed up against one another in an uncomfortable proximity, yet it was this that provided the most ease. In a brand new, scary, and cold world much different from the one they had grown in, they were each others pillars - the sources of comfort and familiarity that could only be found with one another and was necessary for their trudge through life.

Even as they aged, the fact remained that they were each others constant. Even as they grew and sprouted into wholly different beings with different hearts and passions, they still stuck to each others’ sides

The Miya twins.

When one fell, the other was there to pick them back up again.

When one strayed too far, the other was there to drag them back and set them straight.

When one changed and grew, the other was changing and growing right alongside them.

Even when they grated on each others nerves, when they bickered and brawled, when they fought so bad they swore they would never again talk to each other, they never left. They’d always quietly return with unspoken apologies perfectly understood, and everything was right.

They were two sides of the same coin, after all.

⠀

As adults, Osamu and Atsumu had parted physically, but were always still together. Osamu opened an Onigiri shop in Hyogo, while Atsumu had moved to the professional leagues of volleyball, and was based in Osaka. They shared calls often, visits occasionally, but even if they went weeks or months without talking, they always knew they’d see each other again.

There was no doubt in their minds. They knew that even while chasing their own dreams, their twin was right there with them. Atsumu knew that Osamu was sitting in front of a tv during each of the games he couldn't attend physically, watching and cheering for him. Osamu knew that in Osaka, Atsumu was bragging to his friends about Onigiri Miya and Osamu’s cooking skills, claiming that the next time they went to Hyogo they all needed to visit his brothers shop and get food there so everyone can taste for themselves Osamu’s wonderful cooking.

And when Atsumu stood on a platform in front of a small crowd of friends and family, vowing to love and cherish his now husband, Kita Shinsuke, Osamu was right there with a smile on his face and pride in his heart.

Even when Osamu and Suna’s little family expanded from two to three, Atsumu was there, greeting his niece and helping look after her while the new parents finally got some sleep.

It was the kind of love and bond that couldn't be forged, that couldn’t be recreated by people who met at some point along the paths in their lives. The connection Atsumu and Osamu shared was created when they were, was born with them, and has stuck ever since.

⠀

Atsumu stretched languidly with his teammates in their training gym in Osaka.

The golden haired setter had his phone at his side, fidgeting slightly as he leaned over his spread legs. He woke this morning in a state of discomfort. He couldn’t figure out where the sense of unease had come from. There was a nagging feeling at the back of his head, one he couldn’t shake, and one that was getting stronger the more time passed.

“Astumu-san?” Hinata’s voice roused him from his thoughts, and he realized he’d been staring intently at the floor in front of him.

“Hm, Shouyo-kun?”

“You’ve been staring at the ground for a while now, is everything all right?” He was gazing at the setter with those wide, brown eyes. Frightening yet childlike all at the same time.

Atsumu offered one of his dazzling smiles, nodding reassuringly. “Jus lost in thought.” He explained, reaching over to ruffle the orange tufts of hair springing from the smaller man’s head. This earned an indignant squeak as Hinata ducked, shrinking into his track jacket in the process.

Atsumu chuckled softly, glancing around.

Something just didn’t feel right.

He shook off the nagging as best as he could, continuing with his stretching.

Practice was grueling. Those uneasy feelings hadn’t left him, and he couldn’t focus on anything, watching apathetically as he failed set after set and serve after serve. His teammates had backed away from him a long time ago, afraid of his carelessness and lack of intensity. He hardly even noticed what he was doing, completely drowned in his mind.

Worry was beginning to take root, worming through him. Was something wrong with Kita? No, he had seen him only an hour ago. His parents, maybe? He didn’t think so. They were old, but they were in good health. So, who?

Osamu.

As soon as the thought passed through his head, cold dread sunk its claws into him, and he could feel his gut twisting.

No, he’d visited Osamu and his daughter just a week ago, and they were both fine. He’d facetimed his brother a few days ago too while he was at Onigiri Miya, and he was in perfect health even then.

He moved suddenly, leaving the court without a word and disappearing into the hallways of the gym complex, ignoring the shouts of his name echoing behind him.

He pulled out his phone and dialed Suna, the need to quell his fears overpowering.

“Atsumu?” The voice on the other end sounded startled to hear him, and if it weren’t for his frantic state, he would’ve heard the way Suna’s voice cracked when he spoke, and sounded disoriented.

“Suna!” Atsumu chirped, breathing a sigh of relief. “I keep feelin’ like theres somethin’ wrong, wheres ‘Samu?”

Silence.

He thought maybe their phones had lost connection - the gym didn’t have the best cell reception - but a soft, broken sob and background voices reached his ears before he had the chance to check.

“Oh fuck, is that Atsumu?” The voice was muffled and distant, but he could still hear it.

Suna had broken into full on, anguished cries now, his wails filling the phone. Atsumu was frozen, numbness beginning to spread over his body, his eyes wide and mouth gaping.

“I’m sorry.” Suna sobbed, “I-I can’t-”

There was a loud clattering sound, murmuring.

Someone else was on the phone now.

Atsumu was standing in place, silent, frozen, still.

“Atsumu?” It was Aran. He had this tone of voice as he said his name, one filled with finality, somberness. Atsumu’s stomach lurched.

Aran’s words were lost to Atsumu, blabbering nonsense as his vision clouded. Two words broke through: Osamu and...

dead.

Emptiness.

That was all he felt. The world around him crumbled, and he was left standing in nothing. His head was blank, hands trembling. He was filled with nothingness, but it was the most painful nothingness he had ever experienced.

Pain seared through him, filling in the parts that were suddenly no longer whole, the parts that had been left empty as soon as those words of finality were uttered. It was comparable to multiple heart attacks all at once, and it had Atsumu collapsing on the ground as his brain tried to catch up.

“What?” His voice was a feeble whisper, a wobble to it as everything began to process.

“I’m so sorry Atsumu.” Aran said, and it sounded like he was tearing up. “The wound was deep, and he was found too late. He’s gone. The-”

Atsumu didn’t hear the rest.

The phone in his hand clattered to the floor beneath him as he sat there, staring blankly at the entryway just ahead.

That emptiness spread through him like a cold fire. He felt incomplete, raw. Tears dripped from his eyes, warm and salty, that he hadn’t even realized had formed. He was dead silent, not a peep coming from him as his lips trembled and bile rose in his throat.

And suddenly, he was hunching over, emptying the contents of his stomach onto the polished concrete, heaves wracking through him.

He threw up until there was nothing but stomach acid left. And as he finished, hunched over a mess with his arms clutching his abdomen for dear life, he finally made a sound.

A raw, agonized scream. It ripped his already searing throat. It was broken. Nothing was more heart wrenching than the wailing sobs that tore through Atsumu’s body, the dizzying pain of his loss flooding his senses as he hunched over further, once again throwing up on the concrete below between bubbling cries.

He vaguely registered his husband rushing in; he didn’t even wonder how he had gotten there. He hardly noticed when Kita’s strong arms wrapped around his trembling frame, pulling him away from the mess. He didn’t hear it when his former captain was crying softly, whispering reassurances, trying to calm him down. Because the pain he felt? It was too much. And the black hole Osamu’s death had left inside of him was threatening to swallow him whole. So he went limp, letting the tears and sickness and sobs run through him without restraint.

Osamu was gone.

His best friend, his confidant, his brother. The person who had been there his whole life. His pillar of support and voice of reason before anyone else, the one who supported him no matter what.

The only one he could truly rely on, who he knew would always be there.

Was gone.

And nothing hurt more than knowing he was no longer whole, that he was now no more than a flattened, one sided coin.

Nothing was worse than the way he knew. He knew Osamu was dead before he was told. He could feel it. He hadn’t realized it, but he could feel him slip away, he could pinpoint the exact moment when Osamu had passed. 

And it hurt.

Osamu was gone.

Osamu was dead.

And he never even got to say goodbye.

⠀

⠀

A/N: so... hope ya liked it. This is actually my first fic now, technically. Uhhh.... its not the best? I feel like I didn’t express the pain in the way I wanted to - I’ve always been an emotions bottler so in all honesty, I don’t know what its like to let it out like Atsumu does here. I wanted to briefly explain my thoughts and like, the og one this drabble is based off of. Pretty much, I was thinking one day how if Osamu or Atsumu were to die prematurely, or in a gruesome way, the other twin would be able to feel it because theres this like, link between twins thats sometimes discussed and isn’t shared between normal siblings or other pairings. Its specifically a twin thing. So like, just imagine - Atsumu or Osamu are minding their own business and all the sudden they just feel wrong. And they know, they know subconsciously that their twin just died, but they haven't realized, but once they learn? Oh god the pain.... yeah sooo anyways! Hope y’all had a good time reading bc it certainly broke my heart to write haha.

#haikyuu #miya twins #miya atsumu #atsumu miya #miya osamu #osamu miya #fic #angst #haikyuu angst #kita shinsuke #suna rintarou #aran ojiro #hinata shoyo #atsumu #osamu

[dyketubbo]

its somewhat heartbreaking to think about how lived in lmanburg was until its end.. like in the first two seasons you could walk around and meet people and talk and enjoy each others company and build and laugh and just have fun or even talk about serious things and plans and trauma and hurt but in the end youd part and feel like family. but now in season three theres so many factions but, shit, so many of them arent lived in. ironically, foolishs summer home was amazingly lived in despite what quackity said. las nevadas is lived in.

but otherwise, kinoko kingdom is practically empty with one of its residents asleep 90% of the time and another comforting the last resident as he loses his memory to things he cant explain. snowchester *was* lived in, and sure, michael and tubbo are still there, but theres an empty mansion and ranboo still wont move in and neither will tommy and jack and puffy are barely around and foolish left. nikis secret city has two people but neither are really around there. the arctic anarchists commune is isolated and its been what, a month? and technos still in jail and phil and ranboo have been out, and shit man, the greater smp feels weird to walk around, so many signs of life yet barely anyone around

and of course theres little bursts of energy. lsandberg, las nevadas, the beetroot farm. but its not consistent, really. so many things are on hold or coming soon and it feels like the tensions about to snap and there will be energy soon but. right now theres little events, then the excitement dies down and everyone leaves and you can practically explore the entire smp without running into anyone and god, thats a little scary, yeah?

lmanburg was fucked, but damn if it didnt inspire people to be alive. even in the season 2 finale, they all banded together. i want that to happen again. i truly do appreciate what creators like puffy and ponk and sam and quackity do, i just also hope that with the events that are about to drop (like whats going on with ponk sam and foolish) are going to inspire some sort of energy.

i wanna see the smp have nearly everyone online again, even if its just a few times. everyones so separated now, i want to see something bring them back together and make them realize that they miss each other and make them talk and realize theres still so much to do and live for. something that keeps everyone going

say what you want about lmanburg, but it gave *everyone* a chance at being in the story, i hope something like that can happen again

#dsmp #mask mews #l'manburg #negative #just a littol #like idk i miss when it was normal for characters to have a discussion and you could see people roaming around in the background #and sometimes people would even get in the area of an important thing and just not know bc they werent in vc and god that was hilarious #i wanna be watching a stream and almost everywhere they walk theres something happening that they can join in

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Snowed In p9

guys. its the second to last part. the slow smutty burn is almost over. (this isn’t smutty tho i promise)

Pairing: Geralt x fem!reader

Warnings: wallowing in self pity? I don’t think theres any

Summary: They find the bard, the bard smells some bullshit. (kinda)

part 8 here!

__________

Geralt followed you down the mountain in a daze. He'd woken early and prepared everything to leave before the sun had come up. He let himself brush a lock of hair out of your face before gently waking you, savoring every last moment in this odd little paradise.

You both settled into silence as he rode behind you but his mind refused to be quieted.  The night before played over and over in his mind like one of the bard's stupid, catchy songs. He could still feel your breath against his lips and your hands in his hair, lingering ghosts of your touch all over his body. 

When the two of you found Jaskier sitting on a fence that marked the beginnings of civilization, Geralt thought he could resume the normal rhythm.  He even succeeded for a while, Jaskier noticed nothing until your trio settled into a clearing to make camp. 

He caught Geralt staring first, just raising an eyebrow, but letting it go easy enough. When you came up behind Geralt and fixed his hair as he was building the fire Jaskier's eyes lit up. He tried to catch Geralt's eye but, ever the stubborn one, he kept focused on the fire. As the three of you sat on a log and ate, you leaned against him and he instinctively moved his arm to pull you closer and Jaskier nearly choked on his food. Though, to Geralt's surprise, the bard kept quiet. 

Jaskier laid out his bedroll between you two and Geralt did his best to hide his disappointment. Jaskier grinned, babbling on about his winter adventures as if he didn't know exactly what he was doing. 

Doesn't matter. Couldn't hold her anyway.

"Jaskier?" You interrupted his retelling of a bar fight he'd had, to Geralt's relief. 

"Yes, dear?" 

"Shut the fuck up I'm tired." You shimmied into your bedroll and curled in on yourself. 

Geralt snorted but Jaskier just rolled his eyes, "I see you've picked up the brute's sour demeanor over the winter." 

You reached out and flicked him where he sat next to you, earning a laugh but no follow up as Jaskier let you doze off in peace. 

His eyes followed Geralt around the campsite as he went about his nightly ritual but he pretended not to see. He knew his friend was waiting for something, knew he was in for some kind of lecture, but giving Jaskier the satisfaction of the moral high ground was something he wasn't keen on. Finally Geralt ran out of busy tasks and settled down for the night, fighting the urge to check if you were warm enough and lay his cloak over top of your now sleeping form. 

Jaskier laid on his side, head propped up on his hand with a shit eating grin on his face as he whispered, “Is she asleep yet?”

Geralt just nodded, closing his eyes in the hopes his friend would let him be.

“I heard the rumors but I didn’t think they were true.”

Geralt sighed, wishing to be anywhere but there, “What rumors?”

Jaskier poked his shoulder, “Of you two getting together! And some more descriptive stories, well done by the way. I mean I am a little hurt that you wouldn’t just tell me. I am your best friend after all, I don’t see why you’d need to hide this from me. I think you two are lovely to-”

“Shut up Jask.” Geralt grunted, turning on his side to face away from the now rambling ball of excitement. The assumption hurt enough, knowing it wouldn’t happen, but he didn’t want to hear anyone finish that last sentence. He agreed, no doubt, but the words stung. 

“Oooohhhh, I see. Protecting your lady’s modesty. I get it. I’ll ask her about it tomorrow then.” 

Geralt rolled back over, a panic rising in his chest that he hadn’t felt in decades, “Don’t you dare.”

Jaskier’s brow furrowed, “The fuck not?”

This thick bastard.

Geralt dragged his hand over his face, doing his best to settle the nerves in his gut, “We aren't- I… it was just sex.”

The dawn of realization on Jaskier’s features was replaced with pity, “Oh Geralt. You didn’t?”

He just nodded, somehow someone else knowing made it all the more lonely.

“Well does she know?” Jaskier lowered his whisper even further, craning his neck to look over his shoulder, double checking you were still asleep. 

Geralt wanted nothing more than to go to sleep, well that wasn’t entirely true, but at the moment he just wanted to escape, “Know what?”

The silence from his friend made him curious, sparing the bard a glance. Jaskier was looking at him like he’d tried brewing his tea with hemlock.

Geralt sneered, “Know what?”

“That you love her?”

Something tingled behind the roof of his mouth, his eyes stung in a way he almost didn’t recognize. It had been so long since he was close to crying he wasn’t entirely sure what it felt like anymore. He hadn’t even admitted it to himself and here Jaskier was, throwing the fact back in his face after less than a day. Sure he knew he was infatuated with you, a little too attached perhaps, but love? Yeah, that was it. Only was love supposed to wrap around your heart and constrict like this? Was he supposed to be this miserable?

His face must have told Jaskier everything, “You should tell her,” he whispered, laying back to look up at the stars, “Even if you think it might kill you.”

Geralt swallowed back the knot in his throat, “Why in the spheres would I do that?”

“Because it has to be better than wallowing in your heartbreak alone.”

Fuck you.

Geralt once again rolled away from his friend, staring off into the trees. He laid like that all night. No blessed sleep came to him. 

He missed the smell of your hair and how it would stick in his stubble when you nuzzled into his collar bone. He was cold for the first time in what felt like ages and longed to be back at that wretched inn. He missed the feeling of your fingertips brushing against his skin, lulling him to sleep. Your giggles and squeals of delight seemed to haunt him now and there was nothing he could do but sit in the pain, letting it cover him like a fresh blanket of snow. 

He sat up at first light, annoyed by the wetness on his cheeks, but not necessarily surprised. 

Jaskier stirred when he got up, reaching out to grab his arm in his haze, “Did you sleep at all?”

Geralt shook his head, letting the bard keep a grip on his wrist.

“You need to tell her.”

__________

Part 10 here!

Tag list💕💕

@ab-haya  @fire-in-her-veinz @cavillhavoc @baliebay19 @highladyofelfhame-remastered

#oops i got angsty #the witcher #geralt of rivia #jaskier #jullian alfred pankratz #the witcher fic #the witcher fanfic #geralt of rivia fic #geralt of rivia fanfic #geralt fic #geralt fanfic #soft!geralt #sad geralt #angsty geralt