#we thought it was a dragon initially but now we don’t know and we’re TERRIFIED 🙃

[gin-draws]

Quick doodle of what our d&d party up to. You know, facing off against our warlock’s ex-patron who is apparently the living embodiment of undeath….

Also he has hundreds of portraits of himself hanging up, so that’s fun and definitely not a danger to us at all.

#the ffs #Sir Erebyss Nyx #dnd oc art #dnd campaign #warlock #wizard #dnd art #drow #shadar kai #except that it’s actually something possessing the body of this wizard…. #we thought it was a dragon initially but now we don’t know and we’re TERRIFIED 🙃 #doing this instead of prepping to run my game 💀💀😅

[jaskiersvalley]

Meet The Parents

Over on The Bog on Discord, there is a cursed Shrek channel. The idea for this fic was encouraged there and, well, 1.5k later, I have so many regrets, this is definitely what I'd call a shrekcident. All I can say is that writing Shrek and Fiona is really really difficult!

@dapandapod, @thecomfortofoldstorries and @fontegagrilledcheese I think you all asked to be tagged when this is up?

Meet The Parents

There had been several letters from back home, suggesting Jaskier return and brings his lovely travelling companion. It was, without a doubt, Jaskier’s mother writing the letters, she had always had a better grasp on courtly things than his father. Truth be told, it was no secret that the Count of Lettenhove absolutely hated ruling and would much rather spend his time out and about. There were several swamps in Lettenhove that he claimed needed his very dedicated attention. The fact Jaskier’s mother went along with him was no surprise. Despite her upbringing, she was quite fond of a swamp or two too.

“It’s another letter,” Jaskier sighed, flicking it into the fire in the inn. “I don’t understand why they are so insistent on me bringing you home. I mean, they’ve never been interested in previous love interests before. Probably because they’ve all held titles and had standards.” Geralt grunted, eyes fixed on the small alchemy set up he had going on the table. It didn’t deter Jaskier as he carried on. “Mother thinks you and father might get on well once you get past the initial shock of meeting.”

“I can’t imagine anyone being over the moon to meet a Witcher. Especially not one that their darling son is fucking.”

“Well, quite. Father had a couple of run ins with Witchers in his youth. Not all of them were pleasant. But I’m sure you can change his mind.” Jaskier hummed to himself as he thought. “Plus Mother was a cursed princess so you might find some common ground with her. And did I mention my uncle? I spent a lot of time with him growing up, he was really patient, letting me learn to walk by clinging to him. Anyway, he and his dragon-”

“Dragon?” Naturally Geralt perked up at that. “You should have started with that. We’re going to Lettenhove.”

Naturally Geralt had assumed the worst. As if anyone related to Jaskier would be able to keep a dragon against her will. His family was just too nice! But Geralt would learn that fact for himself in a few short weeks when they arrived at Jaskier’s ancestral castle. It was a castle, not a mansion, well kept, if a little more shabby than most. There were overgrown bushes around it and Geralt could have sworn the small of a sulphuric swamp drifted on the winds. They marched up the stairs, everything eerily quiet until the door burst open to reveal two menacing figures.

“Ogres!” Geralt shoved Jaskier behind himself, a snarl on his lips and ready to fight. “I believe this is the Count and Countess of Lettenhove’ residence. What are you doing here?”

“Witcher!” The male ogre spat. “Nothing good has ever come of your kind. You’re not making us move.”

From behind Geralt, Jaskier sprang forwards. “Mother! Father!” He embraced the ogres before being almost bowled over by a donkey. “Uncle!”

“You call this a greeting? This is how you say hello to your favourite uncle? What have I got to do before I get a hug from my favourite nephew?” The donkey looked to the side where the ogres were still staring and turned to see what the issue was. “That’s a Witcher. Oh, that’s your Witcher! That’s a nice Witcher.”

That seemed to pull Jaskier back into the moment and he stood up, clearing his throat. “Right, Mother, Father, Uncle, this is Geralt of Rivia. Geralt, my family.”

Vesemir would be so ashamed if he ever found out how Geralt reacted. All the years spent drilling manners into Geralt’s head were for naught.

“How?!”

“Well,” the donkey said into the stunned silence, “when one ogre loves another ogre and they’re into experimenting with potions-”

“Donkey!” Jaskier’s parents cried in unison before his mother continued. “Please excuse Donkey. I’m Fiona, this is Shrek. And to answer your question, ogres and humans had different anatomy. We got curious, had potions to change temporarily and, well, Jaskier happened during those three days.”

It was Jaskier’s turn to hiss, “Mother! Please don’t tell Geralt about your kinky sex lives.”

“Yes, Eskel told me about ogre anatomy and the differences in rather too much detail,” Geralt grumbled.

“Eskel fucked an ogre?”

“It was an orgy actually - though he insisted on calling it an ogre-y. Said he couldn’t get the mud from the swamp out of certain places for over a week.”

As far as first impressions went, Geralt didn’t think he could have done any worse. But he was being ushered in all the same, Donkey already chattering away about the inane things that had happened since Jaskier last visited. It left Geralt in the rather silent company of Shrek while Fiona led the way.

“Dinner’s at seven,” Shrek gritted out and Geralt hummed in acknowledgement which garnered a grunt in reply.

“Oh my word, you’re marrying your father,” Donkey cried at Jaskier, head snapping to look between Shrek’s retreating back and Geralt standing in the hallway as Fiona opened a door.

“Don’t mind him-” Whatever else she was saying went over Geralt’s head because he caught up with Donkey’s words. Just what was that about marrying?!

They stepped into the room and Jaskier let out a wail of anguish. “Mother! Two beds, really?”

“Just be glad Shrek let you even share a room. But I couldn’t talk him out of having Mirror on the wall.”

“Hello,” the enchanted mirror called. “Please don’t rearrange the room or do anything untoward, I really rather wouldn’t see those kinds of things.”

Geralt closed his eyes and took a few steadying breaths. This was fine, he could do this, there was a dragon somewhere around and he was duty bound to make sure she was free. He regretted such a decision by the evening. There was indeed a dragon who lived at the castle but she refused to take a human form, far too happy and, of all things, in love with Donkey, enough to have a clutch with him Dragon-Donkey babies were terrifying, Geralt had ascertained, menaces, taking their temperament from their father while their mother gifted them with wings and the ability to breathe fire. Suddenly, Geralt understood why there were never any contracts in the area. The locals befriended every creature, monster and anything in between. And any they couldn’t? Well, ogres and dragons could easily keep things in check.

Once the shock of it all had worn off, Geralt could actually focus on eating. Other than Jaskier, there seemed to be no one who cared for things like utensils.

“Please, Mother, Father, at least try to have some manners?” Jaskier looked pleadingly at his parents. His only response was Fiona letting out quite the impressive belch before high fiving Shrek.

The sound of small, pattering feet caught Geralt’s attention. He looked at Shrek and Fiona before trying to find the source of the sound. This seemed like the kind of company that would appreciate his party trick with a fork. A hand around his wrist stopped him.

“Not the Three Blind Mice. They’re friends.”

Almost disappointed, Geralt settled back to finish his surprisingly hearty meal. It wasn’t the usual fair of courts, this was more about being filling and warm rather than showing off all the money that went into making tiny portions full of expensive spices. However, it certainly helped set Geralt at ease.

“So, when’s the wedding?” The small amount of peace was shattered by Shrek asking around a mouthful. It had Jaskier shrieking while the rest of his family watched him, frozen in place but not exactly surprised. More like they were patiently waiting for him to be done. Shrek shrugged. “I thought you were bringing your Witcher home to get married. Isn’t that how it usually goes in fairytales?”

“That’s only princes and princesses,” Donkey cut in. “You have a viscount. They don’t have to get married. Unless…?”

“I’m not proposing,” Geralt blurted out. There was a collective groaning sigh from the table, some of it relief, some of it disappointment and Geralt didn’t know just how offended he should be. He didn’t expect Jaskier to loudly but delicately put his cutlery onto his plate to make in clink pointedly.

“Good. Because I wanted to be the one to propose. On my own terms. In my own time. Mother, do you still have the ring? I think I will take it with us. Might eventually use it.”

Donkey gasped. “Not the One Ring?”

“No!” Jaskier sounded exasperated. “We all know what happened to cousin Gollum with that one. I don’t have any wishes to lose my hair because of that. I meant Grandmother’s ring. I doubt Grandfather’s would be very useful.” He turned to Geralt. “Grandfather was turned into a frog. His ring is rather tiny as a result.”

Of course Jaskier had ogres for parents and a frog for a grandfather. He still took after his uncle the most by the sounds of things. Given how Donkey hadn’t stopped making noises, whether it was humming or popping his lips, it was incessant. Geralt felt he now understood Jaskier a whole lot better. And, when the time came, if Jaskier did offer him a ring, Geralt had zero reservations about the knowledge that he would say yes. But the wedding was going to be at Kaer Morhen, he was going to have to insist on that.

#geraskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #shrek #donkey #fiona #the witcher #witchrek #tldr: jaskier's parents are shrek and fiona

[staysaneathome]

That Day (Evening)

(The Entity-Swap kid fic WIP that now has a fourth part. Warnings for continued endangerment of children and high levels of pining)

The park is quite a bit further from where they lost the teenager in the hijab than Jon initially thought.

It’s almost funny, how two or three miles doesn’t sound like a very long way to run-walk. Just two or three, the small number making it sound doable, like they should be able to get there in a matter of minutes.

It’s less funny when they’ve been walking for over half an hour and Melanie won’t stop whining about how her legs are tired.

”Carry me.” She demands imperiously.

“No.” Replies Jon, flatly. “Last time I did that, you scratched me really badly. My shoulder and face still hurt.”

”They do not.” Melanie says, as if her denial is enough to undo all the damage. “And I won’t scratch this time. Carry me?”

”No. It’s not even much further to walk.”

”Uuuuugh, you said that last time!” She complains. “It’s been for-eeeee-veeer! Can we at least get some juice or a Freddo Frog or something?”

”With what money?” Jon asks archly.  That buys him maybe half a minute of blessed, blessed silence.

“Wait. You don’t have money?” Melanie asks with a frankly insulting level of incredulity. “But aren’t you like, an adult? Adults have money!”

”I’m twelve!” He sputters, gesturing to himself. “Do I look like I have any money?”

There’s a moment of silence as Melanie eyes him up and down. “I thought you were just ugly.” She says dismissively. “Wait. If you aren’t an adult, can I be in charge?”

”No!” He snaps indignantly. “I’m still the oldest.”

”That’s dumb.” Melanie complains. “You’re dumb. And ugly.”

”And older than you.” Jon reminds her smugly. He’s been with her for long enough by now that he knows when to dodge out of the way when she tries to pinch him.

It’s a relief when the park finally comes into view.

It’s an even bigger one when he catches sight of Martin sitting on the balance beam, looking around patiently.

It lifts a weight off Jon’s shoulders that he didn’t even know was there when Martin catches sight of him and his face breaks out in a grin, like the sun rising.  Then Martin’s face rapidly falls, and he’s sprinting over to them, looking like he’s seen a ghost.

Jon has a fleeting fear that the teenager in the hijab or the searcher are right behind them, poised and waiting for him to turn around to strike.

Martin slows, huffing and puffing as his hands reach out towards him, shaking slightly. “Jon! Jon, oh my gosh, what—what happened to, to your arm, to your face?!”

Ah, Jon thinks, as Martin cups his less-savaged cheek gently and tilts his head. Was that all he was frightened of?

”It’s nothing.” He says gruffly, trying not to think about how weird-hot-odd it feels to have Martin worry about some little scratches like this, fighting the urge to fidget. “Just doing, um. Doing what I had to.”

Martin’s eyes are big and liquid and sad, and he frowns, opening his mouth—

“Liar. You didn’t say it was ‘nothing’ when you wouldn’t carry me.” A sour voice interrupts.

Jon startles and Martin whips his hand away so fast it feel like a burn, both of them turning to stare down at where the interruption came from. Melanie is starfished on her back on the grass, glaring up at them moodily, one sweaty hand still clutching Jon’s. The Watcher informs Jon that her clothes will have grass stains on them when she gets up. Jon tries to inform the Watcher that he doesn’t care, but is ignored, as usual.

Melanie eyes Martin critically. “Are you his friend then?”

Martin straightens up, his usual smile on his face. “Erm, um—yes! Yes, yes I am Jon’s friend! Mar-Martin Blackwood! Um, hello! And, and you are?”

Melanie pulls her sweaty hand out of Jon’s grip and holds it out to Martin, sitting up. “M Melanie King. Jon kidnapped me and we’re friends now too.”

Martin’s smile freezes as he processes that sentence. His eyes dart between Jon and Melanie. “Ah. Um.”

”I did not.” Jon protests. “You were being kidnapped by a searcher, and I saved you.”

”Didn’t do a very good job of it.” Melanie mutters, pulling up grass by the roots and dropping it on his shoes.

Jon retreats with a disgusted noise, trying to shake it out where it’s fallen through the holes of his too-big trainers. ”Stop that! And-and we’ve just met, we’re not friends!”

There’s a moment of silence.

Melanie’s eyes start to water.  She begins making an awful noise that makes some part of Jon’s brain he hadn’t even known existed freeze up and go “Oh no”.

He exchanges a brief terrified glance with Martin, who reaches out. “Oh, no, no, no, oh please—”

Melanie wails, the sheer force of the noise making Jon stumble backwards.

“Melanie, shh!” He hisses, darting glances around at few parkgoers who are stopping to stare, “You’re making people—”

”NO!” She bellows, swiping out at him with a poorly aimed claw, tears and snot running down her face in rivulets. “I HAE-HATE YOU! I HATE THI-I-IS! I HATE THAT EVERYTHIN' SO ANNOYING, ALL, ALL THE TIME, AND IT DOESN'T STO-O-OP!! I HATE MY FRIENDS NOT, NOT LIKING ME ANYMORE! I HATE MY DADDY GETTIN' SAD 'CAUSE OF ME! I JUS' WAN' IT TO STOP! I WAN’ MY FRIENDS BACK!! I WANNA GO HOME!!”

The little girl curls in on herself, the bright green grass stains on the back of her sparkly top shaking with her as she continues to sob like her little heart is breaking.

Jon has no idea what to do to fix this, hands clenching and unclenching uselessly at his sides. He has no idea how she was touched by the Slaughter (though the Watcher croons for him to question her, to learn, to Ask—), and even if he did, it’s not as though he could make it just go away, as if a mark like this could be removed with a bit of scrubbing. This isn’t something that can just be pulled out of her, like a loose tooth. It’s part of her now, wedged deep inside like the Forsaken is in Martin, and the Watcher is in Jon.

He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t Know—

“I-I’ll be your friend!” Martin babbles frantically.

Jon stares at him, feeling suddenly, irrationally betrayed.

Melanie gulps and sniffles, peering up at him through red-rimmed eyes. “…you promise?”

”Cross my heart and hope to die.” Martin smiles, holding out a small, ragged tissue. “C’mon now, can you give me a big dragon blow into this?”

She gives him a Look, like she knows he’s trying to make her laugh and is cross with him for it, but does as he says, making a noise that’s a bit like a honk.

“Good job!” Martin praises, while Jon crosses his arms and tries to make his face not frown like he wants to. This is stupid. You can't be friends with somebody you’ve just met, you don’t Know them, it’s silly. Childish. Plus Martin’s his friend. Melanie has no right to come along and-and steal him like this. Martin looks up and catches sight of Jon’s face. His smile dims a bit and his colors go paler, more faded, which makes Jon’s tummy squirm uncomfortably.

Still, he keeps babbling, “I-I’m really happy to be your friend, and Jon’s friend too! I don’t have many friends at home, so this is. This is nice. To be friends with you two. It makes me happy. Do you have superpowers too? Like how I can go invisible, and Jon can make people tell him stuff and Know things?”

Melanie shrugs, tearing up the tissue in her hands. “Dunno. Making people get into fights, or something. Invisibility’s cool, I guess. But getting people to tell you stuff isn’t a superpower. That’s just asking questions. It’s dumb.”

“No it’s not!” Jon bristles indignantly, all his focus on the little friend-thief. “Asking questions can be dangerous. Especially when you can’t stop yourself from answering them. How’d you think the searcher was going to eat up your life?”

“W-well, a brain sucker monster like her wouldn’t need to ask questions, would they? They’d just bite your ugly head off and know everything anyway.” She argues back, little chest puffed out and tears all but forgotten. “If all that creepy lady was going to do is ask questions, I could take her. I just wouldn’t open my mouth. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.”

Jon barely notices Martin going wide-eyed and near translucent out of the corner of his eye as he opens his mouth to prove exactly why Melanie is wrong.

But he freezes up when he hears a soft, deep voice behind him. “Oh, really? Care to put that to the test?”

The searcher smiles down at the three of them.

Her eyes are empty and something hungry looks out from them.

”Come, little ones.” She coos, one hand outstretched. “Come home with me. Come back to the Collection. You’ll want for nothing, never hungry, never cold, never tired, never lonely, never angry. And you’ll hear such interesting stories. We’ve missed you, my prized Recorder. I’ve missed you so much.”

Jon feels frozen, pinned like a bird in the eyes of a snake, a part of him that he never wanted to know existed clamoring at him to take it, take her hand, you need the stories, you need—

A large, warm, soft hand grabs his, and yanks him back into the fog.

Jon yelps, though it feels like his yell is swallowed up in the crushing, inescapable isolation that now surrounds him. He sees Melanie, but it’s like she’s miles away, her shouting and directionless anger losing teeth as it dawns on her how utterly, utterly alone they both are. They aren’t friends. They can’t rely on each other. They’ll lose sight of each other and perish here, unremarkable and unremarked on and alone.

”C’mon!” A familiar, kind voice comes through the fog, shocking Jon back to his senses. “We’ve got to go! This way!”

His hand is being held. Of course it is. How could he forget? He and Melanie are holding Martin’s hands, as the barely visible boy tugs them through the eddies of fog, away from the searcher.

They run through the dreamlike realm of the Forsaken in a weird, birdlike configuration.

Martin had grabbed the hand which was closest to him on Jon, while Jon was still facing the searcher, locked into her gaze. The result is that his arm is drawn almost painfully across his body as they run, his sweaty palm clutching Martin’s tight, sure that if he even loosens his grip enough to change to a more comfortable position, he’ll be lost forever in the fog.

Melanie is stumbling along on Martin’s other side, her legs weak and shaky, almost skipping at some points to try and keep up with the pace Martin is setting, glancing back every so often. Tears are running down her face almost absentmindedly.

For a moment, as they pass through the darkening trees and get further and further away from the playground, Jon thinks they might actually make it. They might actually escape the searcher and live to fight another day.

”Stop.”

Jon feels his legs lock up, all his muscles seizing together as though cramped. The burning sensation of being Watched sears itself into the back of his neck, the entirety of him Known and Seen and Exposed.

He faintly hears Martin and Melanie scream as though they’re being peeled open and pinned down for study as he crashes face first into the mossy earth beneath them.

The searcher takes her time strolling up to them, forcing Jon to listen to his friends’ pained whimpers where they’ve fallen. Martin’s face scraped viciously from the bark of the tree in from of them, and Melanie unable to even inch off of where a root is digging into her stomach.

That’s how he knows it’s the man looking through her eyes, delighting in their distress.

”No,” He can hear Martin choke out, “No, st-stop it, st-stay away fr—!”

”Look at you.” The searcher coos in a tone that has never been her own. “All banged up and bruised. Do you enjoy this, Jon? Do you enjoy hurting your friends?”

Jon wants to scream, to cry, to yell that of course not, of course he doesn’t, he’d never want to, but it feels like his throat is closed up. It’s all he can do to suck in shaky breaths through his nose as the searcher gets closer and closer.

“Kill you,” He can faintly hear Melanie wheeze. Jon’s honestly at a loss for whether she’s speaking to the searcher or to him. “Swear, I-I swear, kill you, I’ll—”

“Come now.” The searcher says pleasantly. “That’s enough games. Time to come back now, children, Recorder. Time to come back to the Collection.”

He can see her hand reaching down for him.

A dark blur slams into the searcher.

Jon hears several short screams, what sounds incongruously like a growl and then a loud, wet, puncturing noise.

His limbs release from the rictus they’ve been forced into.

The burning sensation of being Watched fades to the ever-present prickle on the back of his neck.

Jon jerks his head up with a punched out gasp, reaching for the others, pulling them behind him even as he turns to See what is happening, what’s going on.

There’s a lady kneeling over the searcher’s limp, lifeless body.

She’s got combat boots and a hoodie that’s slipped down from her shoulders to bunch around her elbows. A small burst of scar tissue, almost like a flower, is visible and hidden again as she shifts, more animal than human in her movements. It reminds Jon of a nature documentary he watched with his grandmother once, a mountain lion stalking forward lithely to devour its prey.  There’s the same intent, hungry stare in her eyes that Jon vaguely recalls the mountain lion having as she draws up to her full height and pins the three children huddled at the base of the tree under her gaze. There’s a penknife in her hand that’s dripping with the searcher’s blood.

He hears Martin suck in a frightened whine behind him, fog spilling out to pool around Jon’s ankles. Melanie’s breathing so fast she sounds like she’s a mere moment away from hyperventilation.

They can’t escape like this. Not from a killer touched by the Hunt. Not without a distraction of some kind.

Jon’s mouth is opening before his brain can process what an awful idea this is. “How did you get that—”

He doesn’t even see her move.

All he knows is the breath is punched out of his lungs and his feet are dangling uselessly as the Hunter slams him into another tree, a snarl on her lips. The bloody penknife is pressed hard into the thin skin of his throat.

”So you’re one of them, hm?” The Hunter snarls, the burr of her Welsh accent mixing with a growl that almost drowns out Martin’s frantic cries of “JON!” A tiny part of his brain that isn’t frantically trying to stay as still as possible notes that she’s got Melanie’s sparkly hair bobble stretched around one wrist.

“I wonder.” The Hunter says, with fake casualness. “What’d be the best way to make sure you can’t ask any more of them pesky questions that hurt people, hm? The tongue? Or the voicebox?”

”DAISY, STOP!”

It’s like magic.

The Hunt slides away under the young woman’s skin like someone’s pulled a blanket over it. Not gone, the shape of it still plainly visible, but softened, gentled by the cover’s drapes and folds. The arm that’s holding Jon up trembles, ever so slightly, and the penknife is finally, finally pulled away, even if only by a few centimeters.  Jon’s breath hitches in his chest and he has to blink away tears.

As she twists around to face the teenager in the hijab, Jon’s given a clear view of one of her ears, which has begun to flush pink, for some reason.

”Basira.” There’s barely concealed excitement in her voice that is very confusing right now. “Hi. I, uh. I was in the area, and I, uh. Noticed you were having some trouble. So I found those kids that, that you were looking for.”

”That’s. Nice? But, Daisy, I need you to put him down now.” The teenager in the hijab is holding her hands out placatingly. “That boy’s not dangerous, not like Rayner. I wanted to ask him some questions.”

The teenager in the hoodie scoffs, but does as she asks, tucking the penknife away and lowering Jon to the ground. “If you say so. Just don’t let him ask you any—they’re tricky, Eye types like this.”

Jon feels his legs go wobbly the moment his feet touch earth. He slumps, breath wheezing out of him, heart racing like he’s running from the searcher all over again.

”JON!” Martin’s arms curve under his, pulling him forward into a tight, warm, soft hug. “Oh, oh god, I-I’m so sorry, ah-are you okay?! Did she hurt you?”

Jon can only grip feebly back, burying his head into Martin’s increasingly saturated shoulder as it feels like he shakes apart.

Part of his brain that isn’t focused on clutching onto Martin like he’s a lifejacket and swallowing compulsively to remind himself that he’s alright, he’s whole, faintly registers the sound of something smacking flesh, and the Hunter going “Ow!” “That’s what you get!” Comes Melanie’s shrill reply. “Don’t you ever touch him again, okay, you big, big, stupid, bullying, ugly—!”

”Okay, that’s enough of that.” The teenager in the hijab—Basira? says. “Break it up, you two.”

There’s the distant sound of dried leaves and tree detritus crunching underfoot, and then Martin’s breath hitches. Jon tightens his grip, preparing to twist him away from whatever’s threatening them now.

”Hey, easy, easy.” Basira’s voice comes from a lot closer. “I’m sorry about Daisy, but she’s very…passionate about stopping monsters. Like the one chasing you three. That was a monster, wasn’t it?”

“Y-yeah.” Martin stutters. “She was going to hurt Jon. Just like she did.”

Jon stiffens at the sound of the warning growl, but Martin doesn’t let go of him, even though Jon can feel his heart racing in his chest. A peek shows that Martin’s staring down the teenager in the hijab with a wobbly lower lip, but eyes set hard.

”And she’s very sorry about that.” Basira demurs. “It was all a big misunderstanding, wasn’t it Daisy?”

There’s a moment, and a decidedly grumpy, “Yes.”

“There we go.” There’s a rustle, and Jon withdraws his head from the safety of Martin to see that she’s pulled out a small leather-bound notebook and a pencil. “Now, could I ask you both some questions? About the whole,”

She makes an all-encompassing gesture to them and the cold fog of the Forsaken coiling around them.

”Our superpowers?” Martin blinks. “Why? Do you have them too?”

The teenager shakes her head. “No. I’m ah, uninvolved in a lot of this. But then a boy I was babysitting got kidnapped by shadow monsters, and I met Daisy while trying to rescue him, so ‘forewarned is forearmed’ and all that. And since I’m under strict orders not to go to the Orsinov Institute—”

”I told you,” The hunter—Daisy—interrupts. “That place is dangerous. They say they research stuff, but something ain’t right there. You’d walk in, and something else would waltz out in your place.”

Jon can’t help his curiosity. “H-how—?”  It feels like his vocal cords dry up under the glare the Hunter pins him with. Thin ice, she mouths at him.

”Yes, thank you, Daisy.” Basira cuts in, shifting so she breaks the line of sight between the Hunter and Jon. “So, as I am banned from ever setting foot in the one reputable center for the study of the supernatural in this country, I have to do my own research piecemeal from subjects in the field.”

Martin and Melanie are giving her blank looks.  “She wants to ask us about the Watcher, the Forsaken and the Slaughter and what we can do.” Jon translates.

Martin nods with a little ���oh’. Melanie just looks even more confused.

”I just want my Daddy. I wanna go home.” Her voice breaks on the last word.

Basira’s face softens at that.

”Y-yeah.” Martin says, shifting from one foot to the other. “A-and I need to get my train back. My, my mum’s probably worried about me…”

Jon can’t quite help the way his arms tighten at that, though he loosens them quickly. It’s only natural. The sun’s practically gone down, after all. Whether Jon desperately wants him to stay has no import on the matter at hand.

“Right.” Basira scribbles down something in her notebook, then tears the paper out and then tears that into three strips. “This is my mobile number, and email address. You can contact me using either of these to talk about…superpower things.”

”And I’ll find you if you try to vanish, easy as anything.” Daisy adds with a toothy grin. “So don’t.”

”Daisy.”  The hunter holds up her hands. There’s dark red blood on the one that held the knife. “I’m joking, Basira, joking.”

Jon, despite how much he doesn’t want to, detaches from Martin. “I, I don’t have a phone. Or a computer.”

Basira hums, her head tilted to the side. “You know Angel of Islington? Near where you two got on the bus earlier?”

Jon nods as she goes on. “I can be found around there most days. Just drop by if you feel like sharing any of the things you’ve seen so far. And who knows? Maybe I’ll have some stories for you too.”

Something leaps in Jon’s stomach.

Still, the way the Hunter’s gone tense puts him on edge, so he makes himself say, “Only-only little ones. Not, not big stories.”

The teenager in the hijab nods impassively.  She claps her hands together. “Well, that’s enough excitement for one day, I think. Let’s see about finding your parents and getting you all home, shall we?”

Daisy nods, stepping close. Her ears are still red in the fading evening light. “I’ll come with you.”

Basira gives her an unimpressed look and a snort. “And then who’ll deal with that?”

They all turn to stare at the searcher’s body.  Martin shivers and grabs his hand, squeezing gently. Jon almost jumps when he feels something small and warm press close to his other side, before he looks down and sees Melanie’s leaf-and-twig-filled hair. The other sparkly bobble is almost falling out too.

Daisy’s eyebrows draw together and she lets out a small growl. “Ugh, fine. But just, um. Call me, maybe, next time? If you’re gonna go chasing after weird things.”

Basira smiles, playing with the edge of her hijab for some reason. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Jon glances back as she ushers the three of them out of the park, shoulder and throat and everything else aching and feeling like he imagines an orange must do after the juice is squeezed out of it. The hunter’s eyes shine in the looming dark as they go, shifting from something that Jon wants to call friendliness to a more animalistic bent as she crouches over the body of the searcher, and the two of them disappear into the trees and the twilight.

#the magnus archives #tma #tma au #jon sims #jonathan sims #melanie king #martin blackwood #daisy tonner #basira hussain #daisira #jonmartin #entity swap #kid fic #tw: child endangerment #the orsinov institute #the beholding #the slaughter #the lonely #the hunt #daisy no this isn’t how to get ur crush to like you back

[theclockworkmonk]

Out of the Mouths of Babes — Ch 6

AO3 | FFN

Previous chapter on Tumblr

Written for Hinny Ficfest 2021

Prompt: “Uncle Ron said something about Harry knocking Ginny up, but I don’t know what he means,” Teddy said.

Special thanks to @deadwoodpecker for beta reading this chapter

********

It was Molly’s turn to catch Arthur as he swayed on his feet and nearly fainted into her lap.

Hermione’s trembling hands were clapped firmly over her mouth, her eyes bulging to the size of saucers and darting around the room, unsure of who to start questioning, lecturing, or comforting first.

Ron was standing comfortably looking very pleased with himself, taking his turn to give Hermione his best “I told you so” look.

Fleur was silently beaming.

George’s face was turning red and his lips were pressed together so tightly they were turning white, he was trying so hard to keep his flippant comments to himself.

Percy had an intense, focused look on his face like he was trying to solve a maths problem or get a joke.

Bill and Charlie were glaring at Harry with a renewed quiet venom that was more intimidating than the unrestrained threats of a few minutes earlier.

But Harry wasn’t even close to caring, because his brain was too busy with listing to him all of the reasons why he was a terrible person and how he had ruined Ginny’s life and how he had no business being responsible for a tiny helpless human. With the deathly silence of the kitchen, he could perfectly hear his pulse pounding in his ears.

Ginny was still just staring at the blue potion with a completely blank expression. Finally, she was the one who broke the silence.

“...Huh.”

That sound was like a dam breaking, and the entire family erupted into a new flood of noise, all shouting over each other.

“Okay, okay, nobody panic!” Hermione shrieked, flapping her hands and clearly panicking, “We can handle this, I’ll help Ginny make a plan! I’ll start a baby binder!”

Molly darted across the kitchen and tackled her still-stunned daughter into a crushing hug.

“Remember Ginny dear, this is a good thing and we’re all happy for you, even though I’m so sorry I failed you as a mother,” she cried.

“By that she means you both are always accepted by this family and we’ll help any way we can,” said Arthur seriously.

“Yes, feel free to floo over if you ever start feeling sick, dear,” wept Molly, clasping onto Ginny’s hands for dear life, “and I know you starve yourself for your team, but you need to eat whatever you have a craving for as soon as you crave it, even if those trainers don’t like it. I’ll be happy to cook it for you. In fact, I’ll just start coming over every day to make sure you have everything.”

Behind her, Fleur was silently fist-pumping in victory at the new target for Molly Weasley’s doting.

“Not that anybody cares,” said Ron pointedly, staring up at the ceiling with his arms crossed, “But I’m still waiting for my apology.”

That was enough to shake Ginny out of her trance and she actually chuckled. “Ronald, it’s going to take a lot more than the immediate vindication of the wanker things you say for that to happen.”

Bill and Charlie’s faces had turned a shade of purple that reminded Harry entirely too much of Uncle Vernon.

“The rising star junior Auror can’t handle rudimentary contraception magic?” Charlie growled through clenched teeth.

Harry gulped loudly enough to be heard over the cacophony. “No! This potion batch is just a dud, we’re always safe!”

Ginny gasped and grabbed Harry by the sleeve. She pulled him close and whispered, as if there were a chance everyone wouldn’t hear. “Wait, Harry, you did remember to do the Charm...erm….that time, right?” She glanced sideways at Ron and Hermione. “That time...you know...at that thing? That thing three weeks ago?”

Harry’s insides felt like they had been frozen. Apparently the look on his face betrayed him, because Ginny looked to be going through the same revelation as him.

“I….I thought you had,” he mumbled weakly.

Ginny winced and closed her eyes. “Noooooooo,” she moaned, “Harry, we established this, the one who initiates it needs to do the Charm!”

“Exactly!” said Harry, “You were the one who grabbed me and dragged me to the bathroom!”

“Only because you hadn’t taken your hand off my thigh the entire bloody dinner!” said Ginny frantically, “What was I supposed to do, just keep eating cake?”

“Wait!” said Ron loudly, and Harry and Ginny froze like trapped rabbits.

Ron glared back and forth between the two of them, the gears in his head working. “Dinner? Cake? Three weeks?”

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” Hermione seethed dangerously. “Seriously? At our engagement party!?”

Harry shrank away from her like a child caught in the sweets jar. “Er….would you believe that we got caught up in the romance of the moment? You know, because you two are so in love, it’s inspiring?”

“Exactly!” said Ginny, “Really, you should take this as a compliment.”

Ron had his hands over his ears and his eyes clenched shut. “Welp. I can never use that bathroom again. We have to move flats. Better yet, let’s just burn down the building.”

“So what is the Harpies’ maternity plan?” Percy asked studiously, as if this were simply a bureaucratic issue, “how soon do you plan on going on leave? Assuming, of course, you...you know….intend to go through with it”

Tense silence fell, as the misunderstanding that caused all this chaos was suddenly relevant again. Every face was looking toward Harry and Ginny with baited breath.

Ginny swallowed and cleared her throat.

“That,” she said forcefully, crossing her arms, “is none of your business. None of this is any of your business. So if you’ll excuse us, the only people whose opinions matter right now will discuss this alone.”

Without waiting for a retort, Ginny grabbed Harry by the hand and led him up the stairs. After they entered Ginny’s old bedroom and Harry closed the door behind him, she paced back and forth several times before turning to face him.

“Did you put a ward on the door?” she asked.

“And several more on our way up the stairs,” answered Harry. “We should have a while before an Extendable Ear sneaks in here.”

“Good. Very good. Cool. Coolcoolcoolcoolcool.”

An uncomfortable silence fell over them, both hesitant to look the other in the eye. Harry wanted to hug her and start reassuring her, but he also didn’t want this conversation to start, because he wasn’t sure if he was strong enough to hear what he suspected Ginny would say.

Even though he was completely panicking and sure he would find a way to spectacularly mess up raising a child, there was no doubt in his mind about at least trying his best at it. But he knew how dedicated Ginny was to her career, and how difficult this could be for her. He was sure what she was going to say, but he wasn’t sure he could withstand hearing it.

Ginny was chewing her lip, but finally broke the silence. “Look, Harry….this is a lot to take in. Neither of us planned on this happening so soon, obviously. I understand if you want to focus on your job—”

“What?” Harry couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re a professional athlete who has another human growing inside you, and it’s my job we need to worry about?”

Ginny shrugged. “Well, I could keep playing for the next few months. The team healers put a ward around your abdomen for bludgers. I would have to take a break eventually, but I’m on contract now, so I’m secured in my roster spot while on maternity leave, and they always give players a chance to earn their starting spot back.”

“Oh,” said Harry, surprised. “Well that’s….that’s good. I thought it would be more cutthroat.”

“Well, the Harpies’ whole brand is having the very best female players in Britain,” said Ginny proudly, “and having a reputation for the best maternity plan in the league makes them pretty attractive to all their prospects. It’s hard to build a core team if you permanently lose a player every time someone gets pregnant.

“So…” she said assertively, looking him in the eye. “I feel like...we can do this. I want to keep this baby. But ultimately I feel like it’s both of our decisions. I’ll understand no matter how you feel. So….what are you thinking?”

Harry felt like he was in a tug of war, between exploding from happiness or imploding from terrifying nerves. Dementors, dragons, Death Eaters, nothing was as scary as this, but he also didn’t have to think about his answer, even for a second.

His hand drifted into his pocket and he toyed with what was inside. This wasn’t how he imagined doing this, but she asked him what he was thinking, and this night had already flipped all their plans upside-down, what was a bit more?

Harry focused on Ginny’s brown eyes, still earnestly waiting for his answer, and he found the courage he always found there.

“Here’s what I’m thinking,” he said bracingly.

He dropped down to one knee.

Ginny made a high-pitched squeak and her eyes widened in shock. Harry smiled at himself, pleased that he could still catch her completely off-guard.

“I wasn’t planning on doing this soon. I was afraid you would think I was being pushy. Was going to wait a few years. Or maybe a few months. Okay, I was probably close to cracking already. And in the meantime, it still felt good to have this on me, as a good luck charm I suppose.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small black box he had bought weeks earlier.

“Harry….” Ginny whispered, her eyes welling with tears.

“Ginny,” Harry answered. He opened the box to reveal the ring. “Will you mar—guh!”

He was cut off by a crazed redhead tackling him to the ground, grabbing his face and kissing him hard enough to knock the wind out of him. Harry’s head was spinning, but he reluctantly pushed her back.

“Gin — Gin!” he grunted between kisses. Finally, Ginny pulled back, frowning at him.

“There’s kind of a part you forgot?” Harry said pointedly, raising his eyebrows.

Ginny looked lost for a moment, then rolled her eyes. “Oh, yeah. Yes. Obviously yes, you idiot.”

She kissed him again, and he lost track of time. Eventually, his back started to get sore on the wood floor, and he pushed himself up and pulled them both to their feet.

“We can finish our own celebration later,” said Harry, smiling so wide his face was sore, “but we should probably put your family’s worries to rest. And I can’t wait to show the world your hand with this on it.” He slid the ring onto her finger, and Ginny bounced on her feet like she was eleven years old again, practicing signing the name “Ginny Potter” in a diary.

Then, her smile slipped and she groaned loudly. “Ugh, this will make my mum even more of a nightmare now. I thought she was bad in the lead-up to Bill’s wedding, she’ll be even worse since she has to be the mother to both of us.”

“Well, Bill’s wedding was nice, wasn’t it?” said Harry diplomatically.

“I mean, I guess,” Ginny shrugged, “but not nearly nice enough to be worth all the hassle. The months of my mother stressing over everything and making sure I know my part. And I was just a bridesmaid! Being the center of attention of a hundred people while wearing a cumbersome dress might be Fleur’s dream, but it sounds like the worst day of my life.”

She wrapped her arms around Harry’s waist and pulled him close. “I just care if I’m the center of your attention.”

Harry smiled even wider. “Well don’t worry, you could be wearing a burlap sack and I still won’t be able to take my eyes off you.”

“So you don’t mind backing me up when Mum breaks out the bridal magazines?” Ginny asked pleadingly. “I was never one of those girls that fantasize about an extravagant wedding; in fact, the smaller the better. We’ve never really talked about it, but I know you, so I assume you would be okay with that?”

Harry laughed loudly. “Are you kidding? Yes, absolutely. You know I’m not exactly a social butterfly. As far as I’m concerned, we could jusy floo over to the Ministry and take care of it right now.”

They both erupted into a fresh round of laughter, holding each other and clutching their sides at how funny and ridiculous the idea was.

Then, their eyes met, and their laughter faltered, growing more and more quiet until tense silence descended on the room. Their smiles dropped, and their suddenly serious eyes held a wordless conversation.

Finally, both their mouths crept back up into wide smiles, this time being full of mischief.

#hinny ficfest #hinny #hp fanfic #hp fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter fic #romione #hinny fanfic #hp #harry potter #ao3 link #harry x ginny #ron x hermione #ginny weasley #weasley family #farce #comedy #ron weasley #hermione granger #hinny fic

[sco07ut]

i’ve got rtte on the mind so rvb race to the edge au but i mostly ignore canon and also pick and choose lore from the movies and book series at will (also largely ignored). as always i didn’t do any worldbuilding and all the “””plot”” is about grimmons so keep that in mind when nothing makes sense

ok just learnt how to make a cut so adding that now x sorry

the reds n blues are the dragon riders but don’t ask me how they all ended up as the dragon riders bc i only have ideas for grif n simmons (who knows maybe i’ll have thought of something while writing thi s up)

hiccup as church, idk they’re both main characters with sucky ‘dads’(creators?)

toothless as a dramillion called switcheroo. ik it’s like the whole point of the series but church n switcheroo don’t have the whole prosthetic leg/prosthetic tail going on i just didn’t think it fit very well? i didn’t want his dragon to be a nightfury bc imo it doesn’t really fit his vibes. switch is a dramillion bc of their multi-shot fire type, i was kinda hoping it’d be reminiscent of the different ai

astrid as texas, love interest moment😟 but ya both are badass blondes who everyone is scared of and they only have romantic feelings for their pathetic little boyfriends

stormfly as a deathgripper called grimsting. those things are fucking terrifying !! they have the black colour scheme n their weird little front legs remind me of mantis legs and as we all know, mantis ladies rip off their mans head & i think tex would do that to church if given the opportunity

ok quick note for tuffnut and ruffnut befor i get into it. we’re disregarding all the lore outside of rtte idk who ruffnut marries or whatever in the movies and idc at this point . so, donut and caboose are like, interchangeably ruff n tuff (but like donut is Mostly ruff n caboose is Mostly tuff, it’s just not set in stone) but they’re not related ! they’re just friends

tuffnut as caboose (most of the time), they’re really stupid that’s pretty much it. idk just in rtte tuffnut really gives me caboose vibes and and his pet chicken, chicken can be freckles :))

belch as a gronckle called bait, gronckles are basically like cute little puppies and also i think the size difference of caboose’s massive frame on a tiny gronckle is funny. dw about the name

ruffnut as donut (most of the time), again it’s mostly just vibes. when ow as rewatching rtte i could just see him as ruffnut aslo! the weird little fling between throck (who is wash in this au) and ruff reminded me of their season 16/17 relationship i can’t remember which one but uh the one where they fix time together and lowkey flirt

barf as a hobblegrunt called awe, it’s a dragon moodring, enough said

snotlout as tucker, i don’t even need to explain this one c’mon. womaniser meet womaniser, yes ik tucker has development or whatever but a key part of his character is that he can’t get any woman to sleep with him and a key part of snotlout’s character is that he can’t get any woman to sleep with him. they’re also both over-confident and kind of annoying (sorry this feels a bit mean idk why i’m tearing these guys a new one i actually really like snotlout my stupid little glup shitto)

hookfang as a razorwhip called dreadbeast, i did initially consider giving him that dragon that wears metal and tools as armour but changed my mind bc i think razorwhips are a bit cooler and tucker with a razorwhip-spike sword is a cool concept yk

oohoo now we’re gettin to the good stuff

fishlegs as simmons, come on!! it’s a perfect match!! nerdy little men who are the smartest idiot in a group of idiots, they both feel under appreciated in their leadership roles and get bullied by snotlout and tucker respectively for not being able to pick up women. i think the friendship between fishlegs and hiccup could be reflected nicely onto simmons and church but that’s probably just bc i’m dying for content of them together. i’m plucking that one bit of book lore that says fishlegs is of berserker descent (but was raised on berk by adoptive hooligan parents) bc i think the connection to the skrill is cool, it explains his very red hair and also taps into knife!simmons energy. it also becomes a relevant plot point in the au!

ok i’m so mad a massive block of text was just deleted abt simmons and his dragon and i cba rewriting so this is the abridged version. meatlug as a skrill called stormwrought, simmons stumbles across a singetail, singetail tries to eat him, random skrill on the hunt for a meal spots the singetail and tries to eat it- effectively saving simmons from the singetail. simmons loses an eye, arm and leg but survives and becomes a hermit studying dragons all day. by chance, he comes across the same skrill that saved him and studies it for a while until the skrill faces off against a much bigger singetail that nearly kills it, simmons is like oh shit and helps the skrill kill the singetail for good, gaining the skrill’s respect and it allows simmons to become its rider. (revelant info: simmons being a berserker knows their methods on how to reel skrills in by using metal and since half his body is partially metal the skrill takes a liking to him)

heather as grif, i initially jusg made grif heather bc of the fishlegs/heather relationship thing but then i was like wait this kinda works bc kai can be dagur since she’s literally batshit insane. oh and also heather is canonically the best chef out of the dragon riders and i feel like that’s reflective of grif’s entire personality x

windshear as a rumblehorn called slobgobbler, i absolutely love this pair, rumblehorns are the best trackers out of all the dragon species, and yes that’s probably so that they can follow objects or people or whatever but the prospect of grif making his dragon sniff out delicious food for them is something that tickles me. plus it’s very fitting of grif’s character since the madman managed to sniff out genkin’s pizza

dagur as kai, so this is another fun one, i think kai being a villain is a very under-utilised concept bc who doesn’t love sexy female villains?? so in this au, grif n kai’s mother takes the place of heather and dagur’s father (oswald the agreeable), however, instead of travelling alone prior to the shipwreck on vanaheim, she’s with kai, and an accidental fire is what causes the boat to capsize. kai manages to escape however, and returns back to their tribe (in this au they aren’t berserkers bc i wanted simmons to be a berserker, they’re just some unnamed tribe idk . ) grif doesn’t handle his grief well and leaves the tribe, blaming kai for their mother’s supposed death. kai also doesn’t handle her grief well but she channels it through her new position as the tribe’s chief. after that her story basically follows dagur’s in the sense that she eventually has her redemption

i’ve decided that shattermaster can stay as shattermaster and sleuther is still sleuther except i’ve changed his name to ravenous. i didnt see the point in changing that, instead of fishlegs/simmons training her to ride a gronckle caboose can do it instead. like in rtte canon, she has shattermaster first while learning to ride dragons and then bonds with ravenous after shattermaster dies

ok cool bit over now we’re just going back to listing

throck as washington, as afore mentioned, donut and wash’s relationship in season 17(?) reminded me of throck’s wee crush on ruffnut, and also throck’s whole ass personality just reminds me of wash minus the whole ‘graarr i’m evil’ moment w/ the meta

mala as carolina, i debated over this one a bit bc i think kimball would fit mala’s personality a little bit better but having mara!lina means there can be a kai x carolina wedding <3 plus it allows us to have the carwash duo as super cool ninjas

atali as kimball, so after i concluded that kimball wouldn’t be mala i was like who’s the next coolest woman, ah yes, the one who flies. kimball and the other (female) lieutenants (basically just simmons’ squad) are the wingmaidens w/ jensen being minden

ok i only just thought of this one but jensen got me thinking abt the other lieutenants and uhh palomo is gustav. that’s all + grey is gothi

alright villain time ! rubs my hands together like an evil little fly

johann as felix, now ik felix wouldn’t be betraying kimball in this situation, but i really liked the ‘pretending to help but was secretly a traitor the whole time’ parallel going on between them, plus they’re both good with throwing knives !! and were both foiled by their desire to gloat and hear themselves talk

viggo as locus, redemption arc redemption arc redemp . ok but in all seriousness both viggo and locus treat their respective wars as just a job instead of getting emotionally invested in it like johann and felix. viggo has his weird little obsession with hiccup, locus has his weird little obsession with wash . ultimately they both realise that their actions were wrong and try to make things better

krogan as sharkface, idk tbh. they’re kinda just there?? as the muscle of the team??

um anyway! i think that’s it for the characters ik i haven’t covered anyone but this post is getting too long anyway and i’m too tired to think of any more. i’ll just add in the extra ones if they come to me x

next post is more rtte!grimmons <3

#rvb!rtte au

[fandomscombine]

Exploding Stink Bomb

Platonic!Weasley Twins x Reader

BG: Chaos ensues when the twins steal your latest prank invention. How much worse could it be when innocent people are caught in the mess?

WC:1744

Entry for @feetoffthetable​ 's 500 writing challenge. A week late I know-sorry! Cause I lost the initial draft. (Note: Do NOT trust auto save that much) So I had to rewrite it.

The prompts are taken from Random Prompts List No. 4 and No.11. (Are in bold in the text)

4. “…Are they dead?” “I don’t know! Why don’t you ask them!”

11. “You’re being remarkably calm about this.” “Thanks, it’s the shock. Give me fifteen minutes, the screaming will happen.”

>>>MASTERLIST<<<

Fred Weasley, George Weasley and Y/n L/n, also known as 'The Pranksters Trio' of modern day Hogwarts.

It is the winter of senior year, and your stress levels are increasing by the day. NEWTS are to be held in a couple of months and you have managed to procrastinate completing your mock papers. At this rate, you would get a passing grade but in all honesty you know that wouldn’t cut it, you know your abilities. If you actually put effort in your subjects you can bump a level up.

You've made a deal with your parents that if you had completed your practice papers, you could spend the last week of the Christmas holiday with the Weasleys.

Which you are; 3 days in, 4 days left till school.

'What your parents don't know won't hurt them...' You mumble to yourself as you stir the bubbling green mixture clockwise.

See you haven't finished the potions assignment yet. Your parents thought you did last week, but in reality what you were working on was a little fantastic smelling concoction that could contribute to the twins' upcoming new joke shop merchandise lineup!

During the journey to King’s Cross, Fred had come up to you and asked if you could help brainstorm a new product that would blow people's minds away. Of course you agreed, a multitude of ideas already brewing, you would do anything to help out your friends.

That night, it was all you could think about. Naturally you are itching to get started, before the thought flies away. Pushing your potions textbook aside, you got to work. It took 18 hours of no sleep but it paid off. The product was now in your hands.

A shiny burgundy shimmering marble-like sphere. The final product was smaller than the blueprint- the amount of ingredients you had on hand in your muggle household were limited- you do a mental note on raiding the potions supply closet once back in school for dragon hide.

But when you do finally have all the resources, the sphere should be the size of a baseball.

For now, at 30% of the ideal size, this mini test sphere could stink up a small bedroom. Which is enough to do damage but also has a small enough impact that you fix if anything were to go wrong.

BAM! You knew the quiet was too good to last.

“y/n/n, my dear!” Greeted Fred, waltzing into Ginny’s room.

“Are you--” George placed his hand on the door, stopping it from slamming back to his face. “Oi! Why’d you have to kick the door so hard? You could have ruined my handsome face!” He shouted to his twin.

Dropping your quill back into the ink bottle you sighed. “Nooo, how many times do I have to tell you? I’ll be finished when I’m finished. Most likely tomorrow, the earliest.”

“Why can’t you just let US test it though?” voiced George.

“Because I came up with it and it’s the only one we’ve got!” You reasoned. “I wanna see it when it explodes!”

Right then, the boys’ eyes lit up.

“IT EXPLODES?!?!?” They exclaimed in union.

“SHIT!” It was too late to cover it up. The secret is out.

The twins shared a look, you don’t really believe in twin telepathy but in the case of your 2 best friends and mischief, they almost always are on the same page.

You are sent flying sideways off your chair and hit the air mattress. “Offph! George! Let….me….go!” With all your might, you try to push George off you but to no avail. The muscles built up during quidditch training are to his advantage.

In the other side of the room, Fred is rummaging through your trunk, eagerly looking for the mysterious and highly sought after invention.

Although he may not know what it looks like, Fred is still one of your accomplices in sneaking prank items to school, meaning he and Geroge know all the secret compartments in your trunk. As do you with their trunks.

This setup made sense, it was a precautionary method devised so that in a matter of incoming danger or when suspected of something, the others could easily get rid of any incriminating evidence.

The system is perfect! Well expect now when it backfired on you.

“AHA GOT IT!”

Your face snaps to the direction of the voice. Cursing internally, right there, raised high above Fred’s head is the prized Exploding Stink Bomb.

“WICKED!” cried George. While the twins are reveling in their success, you took the chance to push George off you and launch towards Fred.

While George was caught off guard, Fred had the few seconds in which you got up to process what was happening and sprinted towards the door.

“IMMA GET YOU FRED!”

“LET’S SEE THAT SMALL LEGS!”

“GOT YA! AHHHHH--” One moment you had your hand on Fred’s shoulder, next you felt a tug on your waist. “GEORGE LET. ME. GO”

“No can do y/n/n.”

His hold wasn’t enough to hurt you, but it was certainly tighter. “Learned from your earlier mistake eh” You teased.

“Just caught me off guard” George reasoned.

Fred walking backwards, bids his farewell. “See you Suckers!” He shouted, taking a bow. With that he disappears round the corner.

A THUD.

“Ginny!”

You and George shared a look of confusion, what was going on?

Arriving at the scene, you are not surprised to see a sneering Ginny.

“That’s what you get for going in my room!”

What you’re more surprised to see is a frantic Fred. You knew that Ginny is fully capable of being terrifying but this was all in good fun right?

Slowly George walked up to his brother. “Freddie what’s wrong?”

“The ball… it slipped”

Eyes wide, your heart starts to beat faster. “Where…?”

You barely had gotten the question out, the answer is given.

As if on cue, you hear shouts coming from your right, Ron’s room.

Ginny being the closest, beats all of you to the door. When it opened, you catch the faint bit of purple smoke before it completely clears away, no other evidence of the stink ball in sight-you smile at the result, hard work does pay off.

‘Now is not a time to be happy y/n’ you told yourself. Your gaze reached the unconscious bodies on the two beds. “Well that’s…..uhh... new...”

Here are 4 guilty looking teenagers looking at the scene of the crime.

Ginny gingerly poked Ron’s side, keeping a fair distance away just in case he jolts back. “…Are they dead?” she asked, breaking the silence.

“I don’t know! Why don’t you ask them!” George paused his pacing to point his finger at both you and Fred.

“Hey! I am not the one you had thrown the stink bomb into the room!” You said defensively. “Besides I told you to test it when I’m ready! BUT NOOOO… you two wanted it now WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT’S FULL CAPACITY AND RESTRICTIONS!”

“I…..I…” When George couldn’t come up with a come back, he changed tactics. Turning to Fred he challenges. “You’re being remarkably calm about this.”

Fred, who was still standing rooted at the entryway, replied. “Thanks, it’s the shock. Give me fifteen minutes, the screaming will happen.”

“What the heck happened anyway?” asked Ginny.

“Yea, I thought it was just a stink bomb that could explode!” added George.

“It is just an exploding stink bomb!”

“Then why are they unconscious?” George’s panic becomes more evident as in addition to his pacing, his voice is now an octave higher.

“I think that the stink bomb was too powerful for such a small room.” Sighing, you gestured to the closed windows. “There’s no adequate ventilation too. Must have cause them to inhale a larger concentration”

“How long will they be out?”

“I don’t know Ginny…really.” You shrug. “It could be hours, one to two at best.”

“TWO HOURS?!?” The twins say in union despite one clearly in utter distress while the other scarily unmoving.

Fred gripped his hair, placed his head in between his thighs and let out a scream that could rival a lion.

George now having lost hope of his brother functioning, took charge. “Mum is gonna be back any second now. What are we gonna do?”

“Well, first…we’re gonna check the boy’s condition again for progress” You suggest, dragging Ginny to check on hair while you check on Ron.

“Then..we’re gonna say..”

“GOT YA!” You 4 shout, finger guns at the ready.

“Wait.. WHAT?!!?? WHAT’S HAPPENING?” George looks at Harry and Ron- who are surprisingly alright and laughing their heads off, to you and GInny looking very smug.

Fred tilts his red face up to the commotion.

“YOU JUST GOT PRANKED! SAY CHESSE!” You announced, indicating to Ginny with the camera.

“Cheeseee” murmured the twins in defeat.

~

“How’d you do it?”

You knew that they would be back with questions. You keep them on the edge as you finish up your potions essay.

"You lot are predictable."

"Predictable?" George scoffed.

Tidying up the study table you continue "Mhhhmmm hmmm. Predicted that you would test it out on Ron, knew that you would try to steal it from me cause you both are very impatient- especially you Fred."

"Heyy!"

"But how did you wake up Harry and Ron?" Piped George. "We shook them but they were still unconscious!"

"Ah George ever the curious. It's simple really." You lay on the bed with hands behind your head, enjoying this moment of outsmarted the boys. "Your siblings were all very tired of been pranked so when we saw an opportunity to have you taste of your own medicine we grab them chance."

You glance at them.

"The time of you setting off the stink bomb is unknown but we were ready. I've made a nose blocker chewing gum while I was tinkering with the foul smell of the stink bomb."

"No sense of smell, no effect." stated Fred.

"Exactly, the rest I'd just improv and acting! The boys weren't actually unconscious, just a temporary numbing spell which Ginny and I reversed when we checked on them."

Sitting back up, you continued.

"What I didn't predict was how crazy you with react. I've never seen you two gone off the rails scared shirtless like that before." You admitted. "Priceless."

"And now you have a photo of it" grumbled George.

"And video too!"

"WHAT?"

Taglist [All/General]: @gruffle1

HP Taglist: @onlyfreds

#fred weasley x reader #george weasley x reader #fred and george #fred weasley imagine #george weasley imagine #fred weasley #george weasley #weasley twins #harry potter x reader #feetofthetable500writingchallenge #fandomscombine writes #fred weasley fluff #george weasley fluff #harry potter imagine #weasley x reader #ron weasley #ginny weasley

[sidigtal-anim]

AMPHIBIA: SEASON 2B TRAILER BREAKDOWN

NEW AMPHIBIA EPISODES!! (Trailer spoilers and speculation! DUH!)

Y’all have NO CLUE how excited I am!! After that huge mid season finale drop, Amphibia fans all around have been waiting for the second half of the season! I did a Speculation post based on the episode titles, and another one based off of the episode loglines for the March drop!

Check them out, cause I will be referencing them as we go!! I’m first gonna do a scene by scene breakdown, then I’m gonna see if my predictions were right, or wrong. So many theories!!! I will also be mentioning the episode titles Matt released in the AmphibiaDirect, so if you don’t want to know, leave now!

If you haven’t seen the trailer yet, click here to see it all!!! Let’s begin shall we!

00:00–00:21: Completely old information and clips from Season 2A that we’ve all seen before with the music box and Sasha-Angst. One thing I did not expect was that this trailer would be so Sasha heavy. I expected her to kinda fade into the background and we’d focus a lot more on the temples, so this makes me have theories I may not have had before.

00:22–00:26: Marcy’s new bird (as teased in the Amphibia-Big City Greens promo). We have two shots with them, one where they are flying down with only a bunch of books that would last a lifetime, or a few minutes with Marcy. The second shot is them flying in the air with Anne and Marcy riding through the sky. I am trying my absolute hardest to not hope for gay then to be disappointed, but c’mon!!! Has no one seen How to Train Your Dragon?!!?!? But Hop Pop is being held in the second shot by the Bird’s talons so I think this is a little more Marcy and Wartwood kind of situation. Maybe somewhere around “Ivy on the Run” with Marcy and her bird being the B Plot.

00:27–00:31: The First Temple. We know from the colours and the shape from the book that it is the First Temple. It seems to have water flowing out of Frog statues’ mouths, and on the temple’s walls there are imagery of brains and a vague Newt Shape reading a book! Definitely talking about wit here! Even all the mushrooms are green, and we know how much Amphibia loves to use colour.

00:31–00:33: The Second Temple! We don’t actually see the Temple, just the archway leading to the Temple. Marcy seems to have the charged green gem on the music box, which is pointing them in the direction of the Temple, very Onyx Equinox-esque.

00:34–00:36: The entrance to the Third Temple. Lava pouring everywhere and pink statues of buff Amphibians? Definitely Sasha, no questions asked. I have no other thoughts about this shot other than the jagged rocks atop of the cave, seems like it could collapse in on itself and cause people to get hurt.

00:36–00:37: Ivy and Sprig jumping on treetops, I think this is from “Ivy on the Run” where Ivy is running from her mother’s strict rules, and Sprig is trying to talk her out of it. They’re so cute! It makes me wanna hold onto them and never let go.

00:38–00:39: Bessie jumping over a ravine with Sprig and Polly at the reins, which is from “Night Riders”, the first episode we’re seeing this Saturday!

00:39–00:40: A First Temple Puzzle where you have to solve a cube to enter the next stage. Seems like Marcy is in “her own little bubble” (heh. sorry i had to) and as she’s solving the cube, the room also moves on its own, with the Plantars being shifted to another side. Kinda like Wulfric’s gym in Pokemon X and Y. This sets interesting character work for Marcy, since she’s known to have issues with connections, but she’s so into knowledge and smartness that she may not realise the issues she’s causing to the people around her.

00:40–00:41: MADDIEEEEEE!!!! Definitely from “Maddie and Marcy”. I feel like they would get together and Marcy would be so into learning about Maddie and creepy magic that they will form a bond. This is how nerds make friends everyone, they find something the other is SUPER invested in and they learn about it. Either that or an extrovert claims them both, and they know each other via association.

00:42–00:43: Giant chicken bat for “Return to Wartwood”. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do. Seems like the Plantars set up a banquet for them, and they’re running away. So shenanigans!

00:44–00:45: Okay, so I initially thought Sasha’s next episode was gonna be in episode 16 (”Toad to Redemption/Barrel’s Warhammer”) and I initially thought that it would be Toad to Redemption, because y’know... Toads. But with Sasha’s pink powers shown in her using that giant warhammer, I think it’s going to be either one of the two, but Sasha is definitely showing up in 216. They don’t seem to be on a train, but the Earth is moving very fast for some reason. 

00:45–00:46: The Newt Lady from the Bizarre Bazaar seems to be activating the tippity-top of the Second Temple, with Anne near her. The position of this is high above the clouds, and there is a blue glow coming from the writings/symbols on the ground. Perhaps this is the charging method for the gems on the box.

00:47–00:48: More First Temple stuff! Writing’s on the wall (man these visual puns just write themselves y’know!) and they are in the inside of the temple. Interestingly enough, the main floor is green like the rest of the temple, but the other side (puzzles) seems to have red and blue squares, perhaps representing the heart and strength (blue and pink) which is what the wit lacks.

00:49: The Newt Lady from the Bizarre Bazaar opens a Scroll with the Music box, the three gems (which seemingly came before the box) and three people in coats almost praying to it. This is definitely “After the Rain” with the story of the Music Box being revealed. Cause we still have no idea what “After the Rain” is gonna be about.

00:50: GENERAL YUNNAN!! Scourge of the Sand Wars! Defeater of Ragnar the Wretched! The youngest Newt to ever be named General in the GREAT NEWTOPIAN ARMY!! (Can you tell I stan her? because I stan her.)

Anyways, she seems to be in the first temple or King Andrias’ throne room. I’m mainly assuming this because the temple because the building is blue or because the spires from King Andrias’ throne room are in the way back there, but there are several Toads there defeated on the ground. Either these were people to protect Marcy at the Temple, or this is an episode where all of Grimes’ command are trying to take over Newtopia under Sasha and Grimes’ command. Quite the plausible amount for theories and plot just from a one-second Yunnan shot.

00:51: A chess board with Frog knights shooting lasers at Marcy. Another one of the First Temple’s tricks, or it could be King Andrias’ plot, since we saw him with Chess pieces of Anne and Marcy at the end of “Marcy at the Gates”, so this clip could either be “The First Temple” or “True Colors” and either or are exciting!!

00:52-00:53: A mole comes out of the ground as Mayor Toadstool walks around seemingly trying to please Newtopian guards and soldiers. “Toad to Redemption” now makes complete sense! I called that it would either be Anne and Marcy helping a battle-hardened Toad, or it would be a Sasha episode. I think its the first part, where Newtopian inspectors are coming to suprise visit Mayor Toadstool and inspect if he’s doing a good job taking care of Wartwood, to no one’s surprise find out he’s embezzling money from the town. The episode would be Marcy and Anne helping Toadstool to become better so he doesn’t lose his job as Mayor.

00:53–00:58: We have three shots here, one of each of the girls. Anne looks back in the rain, almost distraught. This is definitely “After the Rain” and I’m not ready for the angst. Marcy is visibly frustrated over chess pieces, this is either a challenge from the Temple or she’s found out about Andrias’ plan. As much as Option 2 is interesting, I think the first one is more realistic. Sasha in the Third Temple, activating her Colour Power and breaking the ground underneath her to a circle. I am constantly terrified by and for Sasha.

00:58–1:00: Polly and Sprig’s silhouettes running in the rain. Also “After the Rain” but still nothing much to say here.

1:00–1:01: Giant tentacles grab Sprig and the Plantars. I have no idea what this is, but it also appeared in the “Night Riders/Return to Wartwood” trailer/promo, so I’m assuming it’s from that episode.

01:02: Sasha is facing off against a giant golem! Probably the Third Temple’s trial.

01:03: Newt Lady from the Bizarre Bazaar reveals the secrets of the Music Box. Definitely an “After the Rain” episode. I did not expect Marcy to be there though, that’s interesting now. 

01:04–01:06: Two shots from the Third Temple. First one being Anne having a moment of realisation, and the other with the Golem roaring in front of Anne and Sasha. This freaked me out because wtf??? Sasha and Anne together?? Are they solving it together too??? Interaction equals resolution/conflict/character drama.

01:07–01:12 & 01:17–01:22: So how are we integrating baby Marshanne into this??? As for which episode, I have no idea! But some interesting details in this is that Sasha seems to have been the last out of the three to have joined. Since Anne and Marcy are together crying, while baby Sasha is one on the slide standing up (hehe) for them. Between the first clip and the second, Sasha has a bruise on her forehead, so she may have gotten hurt trying to protect them. They introduce each other and that’s the end of the clip. I’m assuming this is finale material, because otherwise I have no idea where this is coming from or going to.

01:13–01:16: Anne pulls the Plantars in for a hug. Still not sure where this is for, but it is a thing.

01:23–01:28: Two shots of Sasha and Anne, which seemed to have been slowed down to around half speed. Shot one has Anne standing, almost distraught wearing what seems to be Newtopian armour, with Sasha’s foot in the foreground. The second shot is Anne holding her sword at the top of the Newtopian Walls to Sasha who is weaponless and has her hands up in surrender. Smoke is rising from the land below, and Anne looks visibly angry. I have no idea what is happening, but this definitely has to be finale material.

A title card shows Amphibia returning 6th March!! Hype.

01:34–01:45: Of course we need happy stuff to counter ANGST! So we have a bizarre sequence of Frobo making a garden and growing flowers in a matter of seconds. Hop Pop is enthralled by this and welcomes him to the family, and Polly looks at him knowingly. This is a very big development played very casually, since we know nothing about the robot besides his goofy self being able to do this. Frobo is the most cryptic thing this season besides the King’s basement, we also have no information on Frobo so this is a striking change. This will take place in “Friend or Frobo?” and I am stupid hyped!!! I don’t know anything about Frobo and I want to know more!! Also Wartwood is on fire. It’s just a normal Tuesday everybody. 

That ends the trailer breakdown!! But I did have some more general theories and thoughts I’ll include here.

Something I did want to mention before we started was the music in the beginning of the non-speaking part of the trailer. To me, it sounded like an epic reprise of John Legend’s “All of Me”, and I’m thinking there’s one of two things happening: one is that the finale song that we’re all crying to is “All of Me” by John Legend, like how Reunion’s was “Lean on Me” by Bill Withers; or, I’m just theorising like a mad person. Who knows!

Also another general observation is the puzzles and how we’ve been prepped for them by “Family Shrub” where each one has puzzles and riddles each person who fits a specific role must solve. Each girl with each of the Temples, and they need each one to deal with their own Temple. Meaning Sasha being at the Third Temple means some form of resolution/character interaction.

As for Sasha, I don’t know if she’s gonna be redeemed necessarily, but I think she might go to the good side and Marcy goes to the bad side. I don’t wanna believe that cause I love Marcy to death, but Season 2 finales are always horrifying before Season 3 finales wrap up nicely. So I’m expecting even more drama than the Season 1 finale. I want all the girls to be happy, and it’s not happening this season for sure. So much excitement!!!

That concludes all my thoughts on the trailer for Season 2B! Let me know what you’re excited for, your thoughts and theories, and if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said here!! So excited!!!!

#disney's amphibia #disney amphibia #amphibia #hop pop #annarcy #sprig plantar #marcanne #sasha waybright #marcy wu #anne boonchuy #amphibia season 2 spoilers #anne amphibia #sashanne #marshanne #disney

[zorobae]

Rereading One Piece #6

There are many themes/lessons in One Piece that you could easily apply to real life. And imo, it’s most obvious during the Fishman Island arc cuz much of it is about race. Jimbei tries to explain to Luffy why they need a plan to make Luffy the hero instead of him, just barging in to beat up Hody. The only reason Luffy ends up agreeing to Jimbei’s plan, though, is cuz he promises him meat. Luffy doesn’t understand the race conflict (between humans and fishmen) in the slightest since he himself doesn’t treat anyone differently at all because of their race or gender or looks. Someone’s past crimes don’t matter to him either. He never meets anyone with prejudice or judgement at first sight. When someone is nice to Luffy, he is nice to them and when someone mistreats either Luffy or his nakama, he will send them flying. It’s that simple for him. Really, the only thing he cares about when meeting someone new, is how they treat him. It’s one of the many things about his character that I think everyone should aspire to be like, too. We know now that kanjurou was a filthy traitor which is why it was weirdly upsetting to reread even any mention of him in the Punk Hazard and Dressrosa arcs. And to see how desperately Kinemon tried to get back to him. I just kept thinking “don’t even bother” although I already know full well what happens (lol). The Dressrosa arc is where I caught up on One Piece after reading it the first time. I remember being surprised by how many fans liked Doflamingo. I def get it now, though. He is a charismatic, interesting and well-written villain, for sure. But he’s also a monster. We don’t get to see all the tragedy and suffering he caused throughout his life but we e.g. see what he did to Kyros and his family and also Law and Cora - which is enough. Kyros’ flashback is rather short but... he cuts off his leg to save his father-in-law just to then get turned into a doll and be forgotten by everyone he loves. And then his wife dies in his arms without even remembering him. Props to Oda-sensei, though, for managing to come up with increasingly painful stories over the course of this series. I think Sugar’s ability is probably the most terrifying one we’ve seen so far. The only reason she didn’t get Luffy, to be forgotten by everyone, is cuz he unknowingly got saved by Usopp. There are many great moments in Dressrosa’s arc but Usopp, awakening his observation haki and showing what an incredible sniper he is, is my favorite. We all know that Usopp, Nami and Chopper aren’t the best at melee combat. But each of them excels in their individual areas, as sniper, navigator and doctor. I’m always proud of them when they get their moments to shine. Then of course, there’s also the revelation that Sabo is alive. I still remember that my initial reaction was excitement. But then I thought a bit more about it and got mad at Sabo, for keeping the fact that he was alive from Luffy and Ace all these years. The only thing we knew is that he’s part of the Revolutionary Army and I couldn’t think of anything that woulda justified his silence. I didn’t see any convincing theories either. But heck, we’re supposed to admire that deadbeat dad, dragon, cuz he leads the RA so why not be okay with Sabo, turning out to be a shitty brother. He was too busy in the RA, too, after all. Needless to say, I immediately forgave him when it was revealed that he had amnesia (which had not occurred to me at all). This is something I’m infinitely glad to have been wrong about. Sabo is a great older bro, thank Oda~ One thing I still wonder about, though, is why Robin didn’t tell Luffy about Sabo, as soon as she returned after the timeskip.

#one piece #rambling for ts #text

[writingfromkitchenator]

Fili ~ A (Not) So Wonderful Idea

1,300 Followers Challenge!

Masterlist

Requested by @fantasticallytragical (Thank you Tumblr tags)

Words: 1,251

Warnings: Female Reader, fluff, slight sexual references, brief mention of fighting, threat of parental figure disappointment

“Fili and Kili, watch the ponies.  Make sure that you stay with them.”

You caught Fili’s slight sink in his shoulders, his gaze briefly meeting yours, even as you smiled empathetically.  The two of you knew it would be like this, that the time you could spend with each other would be limited, and you’d warned Fili multiple times of it.

It seemed though, that Fili hadn’t quiet been prepared for it to be this bad.

You refrained from giggling as Thorin doesn’t miss the look, grumbling under his breath as he shakes his head and steps away.  In his eyes, this had been a bad idea, and yet you still came along anyway, more than ready for whatever this journey was going to throw at you, whether it be grouchy future in-laws or dragons, you liked to think that you could handle yourself.

Fili’s reaction weighed on your mind, and you weren’t going to deny to yourself that you wanted some time alone with him too, so when, by chance, the opportunity came up to sneak away, you did so.

“Go on Fili,” Kili was saying as you approached quietly.  “I can watch the ponies, it doesn’t take two of us.  Go and find Y/N.”

“I can’t,” Fili said, exasperated.  “If I walk out there, Thorin will think something is wrong.”

“Then get her attention, get her to walk away.”

“Oh, like that isn’t going to be obvious.”  Fili grumbled.  “No, I’m just going to have to deal with it.”

Kili sighs.  “Fili, the two of you haven’t had any sort of break since all this started.  Things are quiet, take the chance and go and see her, spend some time together.”

“I think that sounds like a wonderful idea,” You said, making both brothers jump as you step out, grinning at them.  “Assuming you are more than capable of watching the ponies by yourself Kili?”

He snorts and grins. “Come on Y/N, give me some credit, I’m trying to set the two of you up again.”

You chuckle and then hold your hand to Fili.  “Come on, before he starts rubbing that in our faces again.”

Fili smiles, his shoulders relaxing, and takes your hand, letting you lead him deeper into the woods, away from the others, no matter how much some part of him told him this wasn’t the wisest decision.

After a little while, he got tired of walking and pulled you two him, causing you to giggle as he quickly captures your lips with his, firmly pressing you against the nearest tree, a smile on his lips.

“Anyone would think you’ve been wanting to do that?”  You teased as he broke away for a moment, making him chuckle softly.

“Oh, you have no idea,” Fili kisses you softly, letting his lips hover above yours.  “I thought it used to be difficult to get you alone at home, but this takes the cake.  Anyone would think that they don’t want us to be together.”

You rest your arms around his neck.  “I think it’s more that they don’t want any unexpected surprises before we’re wed. We can’t have a royal scandal after all.”

Fili holds your gaze, before the two of you broke into giggles, foreheads resting against each other. “You’re going to get us both into trouble, I hope you know that?”

“Good thing I like trouble then.”  You don’t let him answer that, instead pulling him back into a firmer kiss, one that quickly got away from the two of you.

It was as hands began to wonder towards the buckles of your armour, that a noise made the two of you stop and listen.  Whatever it was, was large and moving rather quickly through the forest, until the unmistakable sound of terrified ponies reached your ears.

Fili groaned.  “Oh no…do I even want to go and find out what happened?”

“And leave Kili to whatever that was?”  You asked, making his face pale.

The two of you moved quickly, but by the time the two of you found out what was going on, the rest of the company was there too, having been called over by Kili, Bilbo in trouble with three monstrous trolls.

There was no missing Thorin’s furious look at the two of you, making Fili wince, but it was all pushed aside as the company leapt into action.

It didn’t exactly go to plan.  While Bilbo was initially rescued, and he’d managed to rescue the several ponies the trolls had taken too, he then ended up recaptured, and all of you had to make the call on what to do about it.  There was no way that you could let the poor hobbit die in such a horrible manner, so everyone laid down their arms.

Then it was your turn to be worried, watching Fili be turned over and over on a spit.  Squirming in the bag did little, the knots tied far too well, and listening to the trolls discuss how they were going to exactly eat you all, wasn’t helping the anxiety levels.  You regretted not being more careful, of letting yourself wander away with Fili; you felt that if the two of you had been there, this could’ve been prevented, at least to this extreme.

Thankfully, Bilbo ended up saving them all, distracting the trolls enough until the sun came up and Gandalf returned, a quick round of cheers going around as they turned to stone.

Once freed though, there was no missing the look of Thorin’s, and several others, disapproval.

Fili braced himself with a sigh.  “Listen guys, listen, I wish I could make an excuse for myself, but I cannot.  Take it out on me though, leave Y/N out this.”

“Fili-”

“No Y/N, it’s only because of me that we left Kili-”

“After I came and found you-”

“And I still went with you,” His look at you was determined, and you knew he wanted to take the full fall of this.  “So this is my fault.”

“Or it could’ve happened anyway,” Kili piped up quickly, earning a look from Thorin.  “Honestly, I don’t think it would’ve helped even if all of us had been there.”

There was a tense moment, Fili almost thinking that his brother was going to cop a mouthful as well, before Thorin sighed and looked back at the two of you seriously.

“Just please be more careful,” he grumbled.  “There is a time and place for everything, just as there is a reason that we go on watch in pairs or groups.”

Fili nods slowly. “Yes Uncle, it won’t happen again.”

Thorin nods and walks away, dropping it, quickly making the several other unimpressed dwarfs huff and shake their heads, quickly following after him.

Fili lets out a slow sigh of relief.  “I thought we were done for.”

Kili grins at him.  “He wasn’t going to argue when he knew I was right.”

You can’t help but chuckle at this and the spark of mischief in Kili’s eyes.  “Careful what you say next Fili, his head might just grow a bit bigger.”

Fili grins.  “Like I don’t know my brother by now, I’m not going to give him that satisfaction.”

Kili pretends to look hurt. “You two are spoiling my fun.”

“Are we?  What a shame.”

“You can join the club of disappointment for the day.”

Fili looks at you and starts laughing, one which you quickly join in, Kili unable to help his grin, even as he shakes his head.

#1300 followers challenge #the hobbit #fili #fili x female reader #short #drabbles

[inkribbon796]

Radioactive Ch. 1: Unthinkable

Summary: Science marches on as magic and science mix in the most dangerous way.

A/N: Title comes from “Unthinkable” by Cloudy June and Imagine Dragon’s “Radioactive”. This was supposed to be the season finale but there’s still shorts I want to do with this arc so the season finale will be at the end of September with the wedding, where I assure you nothing unfortunate will happen. Absolutely nothing.

In other news, this is my 200th short, and that makes me very happy. Hope you all enjoy this mid-arc short.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

A thunderstorm started in the city, slowly rolling its way towards the north. Time was of the essence. Hours of testing, born from months of planning now culminated in a single moment.

In a bunker in the middle of the woods, two young men were conducting the first test. It was dark out and the city was in a frenzy, but that didn’t matter out here.

Barely anything mattered out here.

Tubbo and Jack Manifold stood in a well shielded bunker in the middle of the woods to the north east of Egoton. They were hundreds of miles into the cursed woods. They wore lab coats over their clothes.

“You know,” Jack Manifold chuckled to Tubbo as they got in place at the computer, a screen in front of them that overlooked the top of the forest. “It would be hilarious if all this thing did was smoke, shake, an’[1] then catch fire.”

Tubbo made an amused chuckle. “Then I guess I got arrested fer nothin’.”[2]

The two of them descended into a fit of laughter before Tubbo sobered up. “Goggles down.”

“Check,” Jack made sure his goggles were securely over his eyes.

“Safety shields one through ten?” Tubbo called next, his eyes and hands already moving to the array of sensors.

“Safety shields one through ten are all stable, an’[1] showin’[3] a steady magical signature,” Jack responded.

“Forest clear?” Tubbo grabbed the microphone and flipped the switch on that sent a signal to dozens of speakers and cameras that the two of them had set up and hidden in the “kill” and “cancer” zones weeks prior. “Attention! Attention! This is a serious warnin’ fer radiation if you are in the vicinity ‘a hearin’ this you must make yourself known so we can safely clear the woods. If you do not, you will die or become severely injured an’ get sick.”[4]

The two of them waited for a couple minutes, flipping through cameras to double check no one was going to get hurt. There was a malfunction from one of the cameras where an audio error was happening but nothing was on the camera and Tubbo sent one of his bee familiars to check it out and it came back with nothing.

Tubbo sent the message again and after nothing, he declared, “Forest clear.”

“Payload in place?” Jack was already checking the sensor.

“Check,” Tubbo double checked it.

“Reason fer[5] use ‘a[6] launch code?” Jack was looking down the button for any sign that something was out of order or going to malfunction.

“Testing payload in a safe environment before storage,” Tubbo answered.

Tubbo took a deep breath. “Here we are.”

Jack nervously swallowed.

The young teen took out a key card with a radioactive symbol and a bee on it. The number 1 marking it. “Ready?”

Smiling, Jack pulled out his own match card with a radioactive symbol and a skull, the number 2 marked on it. “Ready.”

Tubbo hit the sirens as they blared out, a final warning as Jack looked at Tubbo and saw the nervous anticipation.

“Inserting keycards for launch on my mark,” Tubbo announced. “I will count to three, an’[1] then I will say: “go” they are not ta[7] be inserted sooner or later.”

“Understood,” Jack called out, readying to insert the keycard. “Ready.”

“On my mark,” Tubbo called out, copying him. The room was deathly silent as the thunderstorm got closer. “3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . Go! Go!”

The keycards went in and a signal raced along the current until they hit a panel far off into the distance. The pause was a fraction, of a fraction, of a second but it hit the payload and lacked it over the tree line until it struck a random tree on its starting descent.

The two young men had been expecting a small explosion, or no explosion, but the opposite happened. The earth shook the entire town for a couple brief seconds as a pulse of magic mixed with a deadly radioactive payload made a mushroom cloud that rose over the treeline and left a crater in its wake.

Tubbo and Jack screamed in horror and surprise as the tremors quickly subsided and Jack was so frozen in terror and surprise that he thought that it was his tinnitus making that sound.

But that was laughter. Tubbo was letting out a mad cackling laugh. The shields had protected them from the explosion, protecting the city. But Tubbo was so charged with energy, and in their surprise no one had yet to notice that Tubbo’s bad right eye had changed. It had been initially blinded and scarred, along with his hearing in one ear, in a close range explosion a couple years ago. Tubbo had designed a replacement and then grew out his hair to hide it. Now it was scarred again, a permanent radioactive symbol etched into the iris. Forever branding Tubbo for his bastardization of magic and science.

Jack looked over at Tubbo, watching him laugh and fight to collect his composure again with a new wash of horror.

“Tubster,” Jack tried to reach out to what he thought was a young man in desperate need of comfort. “It’s okay, it was just a test.”

“We have two more,” Tubbo said in a giddy tone of voice that terrified Jack.

“Wh-What?” Jack saw something briefly glowing underneath the fridge of Tubbo’s hair.

“We’re more powerful than Techno,” Tubbo smiled before remembering something. “But how’s . . .”

Jack found himself unable to speak as Tubbo reached for a RV control and operated his bee drone to head for the site after getting it ready to collect radioactive samples.

What he got brought the smile back to his face. “Cept fer the larger explosion, this looks better than I could have e’er imagined. The magic is helpin’ ta neutralize the radiation. By tomorrow it’ll be clean.”[8]

Jack leaned in to look at the camera, “Oh my—”

Tubbo’s eyes widened as Jack went slack jawed at the video image of the crater. There was a deep hole where the explosion had dissipated most of its force.

The echoes of another mad laugh bubbled in Tubbo’s chest, but he reigned it in. “I think it’s time ta[7] pack up, don’t you?”

“Ye-Yeah,” Jack said uneasily as Tubbo secured the other two payload cores into a leak-proof led box and made them vanish into his coat with his aura. Then Tubbo grabbed their books. Jack’s keycard was burning a hole in his pocket.

Then, once everything incriminating was cleaned up and stored on either Tubbo or Jack’s person.

When Tubbo double checked the area they set up a portal grid that charged with foaming purple aura. Tubbo felt a comfortable release of tension at the bits of Ranboo’s aura that came from the grid. As familiar as Tubbo’s own aura, and it felt like a refreshing breeze when he passed through the portal and into a nightclub that had three different layers to it. A dinning, dancing area. The VIP room was up a flight of curved stairs, and up at the top was a fighting area with cameras that projected the combatants all over the club.

Dream’s Server, where he was judge, jury, king, and executioner. Frequently Dream stayed in the VIP room unless Techno walked in and wanted a fight, or he had to leave to tend to some business.

Tonight everyone was down on the main floor, a match clearly interrupted and when Tubbo and Jack walked in everyone was staring at them, and anyone looked at Tubbo. Staring at him as if he was covered in human entrails.

“What did you fuckers do?” Sapnap spat.

“Language!” Bad gasped from where he was standing amongst the crowd.

“Nothin’,”[9] Tubbo braced his hands on his hips.

“Quit with those muffin-filled lies,” Bad yelled over several other people who were trying to call Tubbo out on his bullshit. “Where were you, young man?”

“Since when does anyone care what I do?” Tubbo scoffed. “I’m not a captain anymore.”

“How about when we feel a fucking explosion,” Quackity spat.

Bad let out another gasp.

“Skeppy, get him out of here,” Quackity turned to glare at Bad. “Bad, I love you, but I can’t deal with your language issues right now.”

“But,” Bad pouted sadly.

“Come on, buddy,” Skeppy patted Bad’s arm and started to walk back up to the arena. Bad glancing between Skeppy and the group before rushing to catch up to his friend.

“You guys felt somethin’[10]?” Jack asked in confusion.

“Of course we did, you guys were nearby doing weird shit and didn’t expect us to notice?” Quackity snapped.

“We weren’t in town, we were north ‘a[6] Egoton,” Tubbo felt a slow smile creep along his face. “Didn’t think it’d shake the whole town.”

“Did it work?” Dream asked, his mask staring at Tubbo.

Everyone, even Jack, stared at Dream.

Tubbo smiled, “Better than I imagined.”

“Alright,” Dream clapped, a smile in his tone. “I have nothing more to talk to you about, you’re free to go. You need any help sorting out the police?”

“Dream, you can’t just leave it at that,” Quackity snapped as Tubbo shook his head.

“We gotta at least know what they did,” Puffy reprimanded. “Cause[11] if they were anywhere near where they said they were and we felt, you can bet Dark felt it. Him and every other demon in this damn town.”

“Fair, fair,” Dream relented. “Tubbo, you wanna share some notes with the others?”

“I just became the strongest glitch in this fuckin’[12] town,” Tubbo proclaimed. “I put myself on the map. An’[1] Jack was there ta[7] help.”

Jack wasn’t sure if he wanted to take any kind of blame and correct Tubbo. Honestly if Tubbo was planning on using or even threatening his “nukes” against demons Jack knew he was already in too deep, and he needed to bail as quickly as possible.

“I’m gonna[13] go lie down,” Jack told everyone. “I’ve used a lotta magic an’ I need ta clear my head.”[14]

“Wait, you two fuckers are just going to walk off?” Quackity demanded, pissed.

“Quackity’s right, your aura’s will have to be tracked for the next little while,” Dream agreed, an air of disinterest.

“Sure, whate’er,[15]” Tubbo shrugged. “Going ta[7] the lab.”

“I’m not done with you yet,” Quackity followed the young man out to a hallway. “I am trying to run a business and you know what drives business away? Fear. I can’t have fear near my fucking casino. Loneliness and hunger gets people to indulge, and when they indulge they spend money. Fear makes people do crazy things.”

Tubbo stopped and just watched Quackity rant at him before leaning in, looking every bit like a mischievous teen that Quackity often forgot he was. He even had his hands folded behind his back and leaned up on his tiptoes. “Can I tell you a secret, Big Q?”

Disarmed a little bit, but not nearly as much as he used to, Quackity sighed, “Depends.”

“You e’er play Civ 5, Big Q?”[16] Tubbo took another step and Quackity watched mischief turn into malice, that smile never fading.

“Yeah,” Quackity answered hesitantly.

“I just became Gandhi,” Tubbo confessed, leaning in. Then he spun away on his heels. “I think I’ve said e’erythin’[17] I needed to say.”

“Hey, what did you just say to me!” Quackity became furious. “You little bastard, what did you do?”

“Go back ta[7] your card tables, Caesar,” Tubbo waved his fingers back at Quackity who looked so outraged he was shaking. In Tubbo’s glee his eye was glowing a sickly yellow. “Rome won’t build itself.”

Quackity watched the young man go, kicking himself for letting his guard down again. When Tubbo turned into a room and left. “Fuck you, Tubbo,” Quackity sneered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Accessibility Translations:

1. and

2. Then I guess I got arrested for nothing.

3. showing

4. Attention! Attention! This is a serious warning for radiation if you are in the vicinity of hearing this you must make yourself known so we can safely clear the woods. If you do not, you will die or become severely injured and get sick.

5. for

6. of

7. to

8. Except for the larger explosion, this looks better than I could have ever imagined. The magic is helping to neutralize the radiation. By tomorrow it’ll be clean.

9. Nothing

10. something

11. Because

12. fucking

13. going to

14. I’ve used a lot of magic and I need to clear my head.

15. whatever

16. You ever play Civilization 5, Big Q?

17. everything

#Superhero AU #Masks and Maladies #footnotes #Dream SMP #Tubbo #jack manifold #C!Dream #Quackity #bamf Tubbo #bamf Tubbo supremacy #nukes #magical nukes #unhinged Tubbo #mad scientist Tubbo #Dream the manipulative Pez dispenser #this is when you know you're in too deep

[motorcitizens]

ive never seen anywhere to watch motorcity with subs? so i went looking and found transcripts of most of the early mc episodes (available in a reply so tumblr doesnt kill the post) but theyre missing a few towards the end. i decided on my fourth rewatch that id transcribe episode 9! whether youre a hard of hearing fan or just want the reference, here you go! let me know if the initials are annoying, ill edit them out.

-I got you with the slash!

-Nuh-uh!

-You first.

-Why me?

-Cuz you're dead anyway.

-There's nothing down here!

-Philip? S- stop fooling around, man. I- I can hear you down there.

-Aah!

[theme]

-The last time I bought anything from you, it took me a week to fumigate the kitchen!

-Okay, the reshcaps were a mistake, you're right about that. But today, I have something extra special...

D- ...then she says, 'that's why I can't eat the sandwich!'

[all laugh]

C- Wait, wait, I got one. Where does a snowman keep his money? In a snow bank! Eh? Get it? Come on, it's funny!

Th- We're searching for the Vanquisher, king of the realm?

T- Oh. I think they're talking about me.

M- Yeah, I have no idea who you're-

Th- There he is!

Burners- Chuck?!

T- [laughter]

R- Hey! You dare insult Lord Vanquisher? I should take your tongue and feed it to the birds.

T- Uh, you can't do that. I need my tongue.

C- Release him, Darkslayer.

R- ... Fortune smiles upon you today.

M- So, Chuck, you wanna introduce us to your... friends?

C- Guys, allow me to present: Thurman the Magnificent, and Ruby the Darkslayer!

Th: We are knights of the kingdom of Raymanthia.

C- It's called LARPing! [...] Live action role-playing? [...] Okay, I have a life outside of the Burners, you know!

D- Sure doesn't look like it.

T- Oh! I get it! Ahahaha!

Th- My Lord, a situation has arisen. The oracle awaits.

O- As you requested, Sam and Phillip were dispatched on a scouting mission early this morning. But we have not heard from them for many hours.

M- What do you mean you haven't heard from them?

O- I fear, Lord Vanquisher, they have gotten lost on the outskirts of the realm.

T- Texas is confused. Okay, now is this part of your little game or is this real?

D- We're standing behind some dude's van who calls himself the oracle. What do you think?

O- I demand silence!

J- I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm with Texas on this one.

O- Chuck! Make em stop.

C- Wait. Is this part of the game?

Th- No. Sam and Philip are really missing.

M- So, this is for real?

O- We need your help.

C- I vow to find our wayward kinsmen.

C- Guys, this is LARPing!

T- Woah. That's it?

C- Each weekend, teams battle for control of the realm. The rules are simple: First, once you step onto the field of battle, you must remain in character. Second, if you must be vanquished: do so with honor. It's neat, ain't it?!

J- The game's already started?

R- If by 'game' you mean a ferocious battle to the death for the crown of Raymanthia, then yes.

O- But we can't win unless we find our friends.

[at the same time]

C- I say we split up.

M- Let's split up.

M- No disrespect! Chuck- uh, I mean, Lord Chuck. What do you think we should do?

C- Ahem! If we split up, we'll cover more ground!

O/Th/R- As you say, Lord Vanquisher.

C- Okay guys. We'll check the warehouse near the old Renaissance center, you guys check the battlefield.

Th- I dunno where that is. Can somebody else drive?

M- So, King Chuck. How'd you win your crown?

O- It happened many weekends ago... Chuck stood as freedom's last hope against Mad Dog the Conqueror. If he were to fall, darkness would reign for yet another long weekend. Mad Dog summoned his dragon to finish off the Vanquisher once and for all, but fate had different plans. It was totally awesome!

C- Naw, it wasn't... that awesome.

D- Little dudes!

J- Sam! Phillip?

D- Where are you?

Guy- Huzzah!

R- Leave this to me!

Guy- The bards shall sing of this day... the day the Darkslayer fell!

R- Someone shall fall on this day... but it shall not be me.

[fighting noises]

Guy- Aha! Tsk, tsk. You've lost your sword!

T- hyah!

R- What are you doing! I had him right where I wanted him!

Guy- You're not playing by the rules.

T- These are Texas rules! [karate noises] Now. We need you to answer some questions.

D- We're looking for two missing kids, Sam and Phillip. Have you seen them?

Guy- I'd rather die a thousand deaths than help the likes of you.

J- Ahem! Forgive us, my liege, but we are but humble squires in search of our kinsmen. Can you help us?

Guy- I've never been one to refuse a lady, certainly not one as ravishing as you. Saw your kinsmen five hours ago, approaching the Dungeon of Anguish.

D- Neat trick.

Th- We're never gonna find them in time. Then the stupid Bardonians are gonna win, think they're all cool with their fancy mustaches.

C- Hey. Buck up there, camper! People said we'd never win the Battle Royale last Fall, but we did. Our friends are out there, and we'll find em! We just gotta keep-

M- Uh, sorry. Dutch just called. Your friends were seen someplace called the Dungeon Anguish?

Th- It's actually the Dungeon of Anguish.

C- It's, uh. Well, it's actually just in the basement right here.

C- Wah, ah! Get it off me, get it off me!

Th- This isn't part of the game!

M- Yeah, well, neither is this!

R- That was. Incredible!

D- What were those things?

M- Don't know. But I'm betting they have something to do with our missing friends. We have to move. [LARPers kneel] Uh, come on. Get up, guys, we don't have time for this.

O- From this day forth, you shall be known as "Mike, the Smiling Dragon."

Th- You just got a great name. Jealous!

C- For saving my life on the field of battle, I owe you a debt of life.

M- That's... really not necessary.

O- Actually, it's totally necessary. The king of the realm cannot rule while carrying a debt of life.

C- As such, I give the crown to the Smiling Dragon!

M- No. No, Please, look, I can't, I just- I was-

C- Mikey, you gotta!

J- Hey guys, check this out! I've never seen that symbol before.

D- That's really old.

M- Way before my time. Maybe Jacob can help.

Th- What if those... things have Sam and Phillip?

R- Never fear. We have the Smiling Dragon. As long as he's our king, we can't lose. Did you see his moves? They were just so- so-!

M- You okay, buddy? Look, if it's about what happened back there, I'm sorry man. I was just trying to help.

C- It's not that. It's just-

M- Just what?

C- Look, I tripped, okay?

M- Um... If that's some kind of LARPer slang, I have no idea what it means.

C- The story you heard. About how I earned my crown? That's not how it really... went down. It was my first real battle. I'd never held a real lance before. I was still getting my balance when Lord Mad Dog summoned his dragon... I ran forward but... I tripped. The lance fell and hit him by accident! I won my crown with a lie. Hey... it's better that you're king now. I was never fit for the post. I've been king for 48 consecutive weekends, and-

M- 48? Woah, you do play this game a lot.

C- Yeah, but... it took less than an hour of LARPing with you for the others to see me for what I truly am... a follower.

M- Hey, a follower couldn't have led his team to 48 consecutive victories. You can't fake that!

C- Mikey... Look, I appreciate your support but we both know I'm no leader. Not when I'm a Burner and not even when I'm here, playing make believe.

M- Here. Take the pin back.

C- You can't just give it to me! The only way I can get it back is to earn it by saving your life. And let's be honest. That ain't gonna happen.

Th- Never seen that tunnel before. You aren't planning on taking us down there, are you?

R- Well I'm going in!

Th- Do you know how much trouble I'll get in if my mom finds out I went down some crazy dark tunnel looking for killer robots?!

O- He's not joking. His mom is terrifying.

M- They're right. This isn't a game anymore. Texas will stay up here and keep you safe while we go get your friends.

T- What! Wait, why me?

M- Because you're the bravest warrior we've got.

T- Yeah, that's true, but come on! Don't leave me with the nerds!

D- What is this place?

O- Booyah! Mutant wolverine. I win!

Th- I could show you how to use that.

T- Save it. Not interested.

O- Why not? You're really good.

T- You really think so?

Th- Here, watch.

T- Hyah! Huh?

T- Mike, Julie! Incoming! We got trouble!

Th- Come on, I just got this!

O- Your mom is gonna be so mad.

J- This isn't working!

M- I'm open to suggestions!

R- A wizard!

Ja- Applesauce!

J- Jacob?

R- Aww!

Bot- The creator has returned!

M- Uh, Jacob? Care to fill us in?

Ja- It started back when Kane and I were partners- before there even was a Deluxe! I was designing our first ever Utility Bot. Its purpose was to make life in Detroit easier and safer. I equipped it with a new AI that would allow the bot to anticipate human commands, but I was the only one the bot seemed to listen to. But if it were ever to escape the lab, there's no telling the danger it could pose. I begged Kane to shut the program down! I always thought he did.

Bot: It began soon after you left us. Kane retrained us! We were instructed to capture enemies of the public and bring them back to Kane's new creation, an Interrogator. But the humans could not control it. Kane sealed the lab. Our new master told us every human was out to destroy us. As such, every human became our enemy. Disloyalty was severely punished. So we waited, until this door finally opened.

M- Our friends went missing this morning. Have you seen them?

Bot- Of course. We took them per our master's instructions.

J- We need to get them back!

[roar]

Bot- Our master has awoken. If he discovers you here with us, he will destroy us.

M- Get the LARPers out of here!

C- I'm not leaving you guys!

R- Our place is here, with our King!

M- This isn't a game! Get your friends to safety.

C- Let's move!

D- Come on!

J- Look out!

[rubble collapses the door]

T- Mike!

D- Julie!

Both- Jacob!

D- We'll never move this stuff by ourselves!

T- Says who?

Th- What do we do?

C- I know a way to get through there! But I will require your van.

Ja- There used to be another exit!

J- Hey, look at this!

M- The kids have to be in one of those rooms. If we can find a way past that thing we can rescue them and get the heck out of here! Think you can buy us some time?

J- Do you even have to ask? Hey, ugly! Over here!

M- Sam! Phillip! Climb up here!

S- You're the new king of the realm?

M- You bet your butt I am. Lord Smiling Dragon, at your service. Now get up that rope, squire!

T- Okay, I admit. It's pretty cool.

C- But is it possible?

D- Sure. But there's no way the three of us can build it fast enough.

C- What if they helped?

D- I know you don't mean the little lunatics that just tried to kill us!

Bot- We cannot get involved. If our master were to find out-

C- He's not your master! You are in Raymanthia. And in Raymanthia, every man- or... freaky little Utiliton- is free! Free to stand up for yourselves. Free to fight back! And free to live! Our friends are down there, and I swear to you on the steel of my blade that even if I have to slay the beast itself, we! will! bring them back!

[utilitons cheering]

T- hwah! Nah, see, this ain't nerdy. This is a level 25 battle ax, okay? Twenty five. Think about it.

Ja- Maybe there wasn't another exit?

M- Stay here!

M- Way to go, Chuck!

S&P- The Vanquisher!

T- Make way for Texas!

C- The beast is absorbing the blasts!

[mike gets got]

C- Mike!

C- Drive! and when I say stop, stop fast! ...STOP!

M- Ha, oh yeah!

M- For saving my life on the field of battle, I owe you my life. My steel is yours to command, since a king cannot carry... I forget how the rest of it goes, here! All hail King Chuck, the Vanquisher!

R- This was the coolest game ever!

M- ... the game. Your win streak. You guys have to go defend your crown!

Th- We'll never be able to muster an attack in time.

T- What if we help.

M- We're yours to command, Lord Vanquisher.

C- For the glory of the realm!

[all yell]

#motorcity #i meant to just. have this but i figured i might as well post it #chuck (motorcity) #mike chilton #julie kane #dutch gordy #texas (motorcity) #mne

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: The Rogues Gallery of the Powerpuff Girls

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

There are few rogues galleries I hold in higher esteem than that of the Powerpuff Girls. Aside from Spider-Man, Batman, and Danny Phantom, there are few heroes who can claim to have a more colorful and creative set of foes than the crimefighting superheroines of the city of Townsville. Previously I’ve talked about their archenemy, the wonderfully devilish Mojo Jojo, but they have a lot of other great villains worth talking about… so, why not just talk about all of them at once?

This one’s gonna be a little different, and will be divided into two sections: MAJOR ANTAGONISTS and MINOR ANTAGONISTS. Major antagonists will be villains that the girls fought most frequently, while minor antagonists will be notable one shot villains and lesser foes.

MAJOR ANTAGONISTS

These are the foes that the girls face most frequently in the series, and the ones that will likely come to mind when you think of the show’s rogues gallery. Aside from Mojo Jojo, and according to TVTropes, the major antagonists from the series are Him, Fuzzy Lumpkins, the Gangreen Gang, Princess Morbucks, the Amoeba Boys, Sedusa, and the Rowdyruff Boys.

Motivation/Goals: The major antagonists all tend to vary in what exactly they want to do, but they all have one thing in common: their motivations are broad enough that they can fit into a wide variety of plots. Him is the best example, because his goal tends to be a vague mix of “take over the city/world” and “be an absolute dick,” which leads to all sorts of battles such as the bad future where he rules the Earth or the episode where he sends the girls out on a series of ridiculous riddles as part of a bet with Professor Utonium to see if he has to pay his full tab at Him’s pancake restaurant. Considering Him is supposed to be a stand in for Satan himself and is the ultimate evil of the show (even if his power level doesn’t always reflect that), it makes sense he’d constantly be doing crazy, tricky schemes like this.

Of course, not all of these villains are massive threats like Him; others are simply nuisances, like the Gangreen Gang, who just love going out and committing crimes for the fun of it in between their leader Ace moonlighting as a member of the Gorillaz. While they are still dangerous, they tend to be motivated to do things just because they find it amusing, like when they snuck into the mayor’s office and crank called the girls into repeatedly harassing the other villains. Then there’s Princess, who is basically just a snotty superpowered bully who decided to turn to a life of crime because the girls wouldn’t let her become a Powerpuff Girl. She’s motivated entirely out of jealousy and spite, but she never really rises to the level of a truly world-threatening threat, though she did almost screw up Christmas one time to the point Santa decided to slap her on the permanent Naughty List. The final major antagonist who falls into this category is Sedusa, who true to her name, seduces men. That’s… about it. She also has prehensile hair.

The Rowdyruff Boys are kind of a mix of being super serious dangers and just being jerks, as they were created by Mojo to be the opposite of the girls and so have all of their powers but none of their good qualities aside from maybe their love for each other (which they rarely show, but it’s there). They’re mostly just jerks and love to cause chaos, but sicne they have all the same sort of abilities as Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup, they’re a lot more dangerous than the typical foe would be, and that’s not even counting the fact that their two “dads” are Him and Mojo, which means they have the cream of the crop when it comes to bad role models.

The last type of major villain is perhaps the funniest, because these are the villains who are just so bad at being evil that it’s comical. Fuzzy is a lighter example, as he’s not exactly bad at being evil; he’s just more not evil to begin with unless provoked or manipulated by other villains. He’s entirely content to just sit about at his shack, strumming his banjo, but if you piss him off he’s gonna grab his gun or a big old rock and cause some mayhem. The crown emperors of being failure villains, however, are the Amoeba Boys. These guys are the most utterly inept dumbasses you will ever see, a group so utterly bad at being bad that no one in the show is able to take them seriously. Since they are amoebas, albeit rather large ones, they don’t have the mental capacity to do much more than the most petty of crimes such as – GASP! - standing on grass when there’s a sign that says not to! Or even… LITTERING! Those fiends!

Performance: Tom Kane portrays Him, and alternately is able to make him hilarious and terrifying. It’s pretty amusing to think that the guy who played Professor Utonium and Mr. Herriman is capable of playing such a messed-up villain (ok, maybe not so much for the latter, Mr. Herriman was wack).

Fuzzy is portrayed by everyone’s favorite Trump supporting Pooh bear, Jim Cummings, and that good ol’ ragin’ Cajun accent he’d use in The Princess and the Frog and Zombie Island fits this southern hick quite well.

Ace, Big Billy, and Grubber of the Gangreen Gang are voiced by series MVP Jeff Bennet, who manages to make all three characters very distinct and unqiue in their voices, capturing the lovable oafishness of Billy and the smug leadership of Ace very well, and obviously whatever it is Grubber is doing. Lil’ Arturo and Snake are Tom Kenny, though the former was in his first appearance voiced by Carlos Alazraqui, which means twice now Tom Kenny has usurped Alazraqui in a voice role (the other time being the title character of the Spyro the Dragon franchise). Tom Kenny, being Tom Kenny, does a great job.

Princess and Sedusa are both voiced by Jennifer Hale, but I’m gonna be honest, neither of them are my favorite roles. Princess just has a really shrill and unpleasant voice - which is the point, mind you, I just don’t love it. Meanwhile, Sedusa is just forgettable.

The Amoeba Boys are Chuck McCann, and he gives all of them the exact sort of goofy, cartoonish Chicago gangster accent you could hope for, though each boy has a distinct voice. The other boy group, the Rowdyruffs, are voiced by Rob Paulsen for Brick and Boomer (the man behind the legend that is Carl Wheezer) and Butch is Roger L. Jackson (Mojo Jojo himself). As can be expected, the RRBs have very distinct voices, though I can’t say they’re quite as memorable as the characters they’re directly copying. 

Best Episode: So yeah, this time instead of individuals scenes, I’m highlighting the very best episodes of the various foes of the Girls. First, let’s get the obvious one out of the way: if we’re talking altogether for Him, Fuzzy, and Princess, their appearance alongside Mojo in “Meet the Beat Alls” is just utterly hilarious, ESPECIALLY Fuzzy’s rock, their breakup bickering, and just how they decide to come together and cause chaos. As far as villain teamups go, you can’t get better than one that is nothing but a constant string of Beatles references (though they lose some points for not drawing attention to the fact that Him is based on the Blue Meanie from Yellow Submarine).

Individually, for Him, it really depends on what you’re looking for, since he’s a very versatile villain. If you want him at his best and most serious, “Speed Demon” is the way to go, as it shows a bad future where he has completely won, which goes a long way towards establishing him as the single most dangerous enemy of the girls. But if you want funny Him, well, “Him Diddle Riddle” is an absolute riot which leads to one of the most shockingly ridiculous punchlines in the show. It’s a real treat.

For Fuzzy, I’d say his main series debut “Fuzzy Logic” is a great solo showing, firmly establishing the character and how he has changed from the initial pilot. Fuzzy is an amusing character to be sure, but I feel his best showings are in ensemble pieces, which is why I say his debut is his best work.

For the Gangreen Gang, the obvious answer is, of course, “Telephonies,” because this is them at their most hilariously petty. They just sneak into the mayor’s office and crank call the other villains, and in the end, the day is saved! ...By Mojo, Fuzzy, and Him. Even the narrator is baffled at this one, but you’ll probably be laughing too hard to care about that.

Princess gets one of the best Christmas specials ever with “’Twas the Fight Before Christmas,” where she scams Santa into giving her superpowers while every other kid in the world gets coal. Of course, the Girls don’t take this lying down, and Princess gets the most awesome comeuppance ever, courtesy of Santa: she gets her name carved into the Permanent Naughty Plaque which has such notable figures as Adolph Shicklgruber, who you may know better as fucking Hitler. That’s right, Santa came right out and said Princess Morbucks is as naughty as Hitler is.

The Amoeba Boys have their main series debut, “Geshundfight,” which does a firm job of establishing these guys as such utterly incompetent morons that you can’t help but love them. It also establishes that these guys could only ever be a threat by complete accident. It’s good to see the boys got better after the girls threw them into the sun in the “Whoopass Stew” pilot!

Sedusa has “Something’s a Ms.” While Sedusa herself tends to be a rather dull antagonist, this episode rules and is her best appearance for one reason and one reason alone: we get to see Ms. Bellum kick ass. Hell yeah!

“Custody Battle” is the best appearance of the Boys because, let’s face it, having Mojo and Him argue over who has the right to be called their dad (Mojo Created them, Him resurrected them) is absolutely hilarious, and a great use of the characters.

Final Thoughts & Score: Alright, let’s go one by one here:

Him

Him is easily the best of the bunch and, aside from Mojo, is the definitive Powerpuff villain. I think part of it is, much like Mojo, Him is capable of being a hilarious jerk or a genuinely intimidating threat in equal measure. You get showings where all he does is try and make the Professor pay a full tab on his breakfast or give everyone tooth decay or even just hang out in his house and do some aerobics, and then you have episodes where he decimates the earth in the future or torments the girls in their dreams. He kind of really fits a lot of the old folkloric tales of the devil, where he could be anything from a prankster to outright malicious, for all it’s worth, and being based on the Blue Meanie certainly doesn’t hurt either. He’s just a very fun character who fits into so many different situations, and so he easily gets a 10/10.

Fuzzy Lumpkins

Fuzzy is an odd one, because as I mentioned earlier, he’s not really a true villain in the sense that he goes out and commits crimes for the sake of it like the others. He’s more of a chaotic neutral force than anything, who goes on angry rampages or gets swayed over to the dark side whenever the mood suits him. It’s kind of interesting how he was a smarter and calmer character in the pilot, where he invented a gun that could turn things into meat… but in the show proper, he’s just a dumb, irritable hick. While he’s certainly not the best member of the rogues gallery, there’s something charming about Fuzzy, and I definitely love his design and voice; I think he gets a 7/10.

The Gangreen Gang

These guys are some of the more enjoyable antagonists in the rogues gallery despite typically not being a huge threat. I think, really, that’s what makes them so fun; they’re a lot more low-key and just in general more prone to just being dicks than doing anything on the level of Him or Mojo. They’re the fun kind of villains where you don’t ever really need to take them seriously, to the point you can fully accept their leader Ace joining the Gorillaz, which is a thing that actually happened in real life and it’s amazing. I think that alone is enough to edge these guys into a 9/10.

Princess Morbucks

So out of all the major antagonists, I think Princess is probably my least favorite, mostly because she’s just a snotty, entitled, rich little brat. That being said, I’m not overly opposed to her, nor do I hate her; I really can’t hate a character that Santa Claus deemed is the moral equivalent of Hitler. I can’t stress enough how much I love Santa came right out and said “Rich lives don’t matter” and just slapped this little girl with the most grievous punishment you could give. Overall, Princess functions as a casual reminder rich people suck, and I’m okay with that, even if she’s not particularly high on my favorites. 7/10 is a solid score for her, I feel.

The Amoeba Boys

Idiot villains wish they could be these guys. Literally, as far as idiotic harmless villains go, these lads are the absolute cream of the crop. The fact these are giant amoebas wearing fedoras and talking like stereotypical gangsters and yet are so incompetent they don’t even know how voodoo dolls work and think that littering and standing on grass is the greatest crime of all is just… amazing. These guys are perfect. And yet they are so incompetent and harmless that it’s almost unfair to call them villains, despite how desperately they want to be villains. The fact everyone in the show treats them as a mild annoyance at best really goes a long way to making these guys endearing. They’re certainly not the best foes in the rogues gallery, but I think an 8/10 is a good score for these single-celled suckers.

Sedusa

I’m frankly not sure why she’s considered a “main antagonist” on TVTropes; when I think of PPG villains, she really doesn’t come to mind. Frankly, if she is a “main” antagonist, she’s one of the most boring and forgettable ones there is. Sure, she has a couple of decent episodes, and of course the one where Ms. Bellum gets her time to shine is a classic, but overall Sedusa is just a mediocre villain who doesn’t do enough to stand out among the crowd. I’d say she’s a 4/10. I think if they had gone with the concept from her third appearance where she had all those cool Egyptian powers from the start she would have been a far more engaging and fun antagonist. But hey, she gave Ms. Bellum her time to shine, so I can’t really say she’s all too abysmal.

The Rowdyruff Boys

So… these guys. I’m not particularly sure what to really say about these guys. They’re some of the most popular antagonists the PPG have, and they have great interactions with Him and Mojo. But they’ve never quite struck me as being as amazing as others have hyped them up to be. Maybe I just don’t quite vibe with their concept. All that being said, though, they’re not bad antagonists in the slightest, I just kind of find them uninspired as a concept. It won’t keep me from giving them an 8/10, so don’t worry about that, I just don’t find the idea of evil versions of the PPG to be particularly interesting.

And now we go on to the lesser rogues, the one-shot or minor antagonists! They don’t have the major presence the villains above do, but remember, you don’t have to be a major reoccurring villain just to make an impact; sometimes you just gotta be good at what you do.

Also, this is by no means an exhaustive list; I’ve left off some minor antagonists and probably forgot some, and then there’s some that just don’t have enough info to talk about. Like, I would love to tell you all the wonders of Salami Swami, but there’s just not enough… oh well… let’s talk about these guys. And they aren’t going to have a best episode listed, because… well, they’re minor one-shot characters. By default their best appearance is their only appearance.

Motivation/Goals: Unlike with the major villains, there’s a lot more variety in the one-shot characters, with their goals ranging from simple robbery to revenge to chaos for the sake of it. And yes, sure, their major villains do that stuff too, but they tend to have a solid theme, whereas these folk tend to have one gimmick that they run with for a whole episode before vanishing, never to be seen again. For instance, Femme Fatale is a raging radical feminist; Abracadaver is a lich who seeks revenge for his violent, untimely death; the Gnome is a cult leader who commits mass genocide of other villains so that he can create a utopian society; and Mr. Mime is a mime.

What I think separates them from the major foes is that they have a singular gimmick and they need to really excel at it, because if they screw it up, they’re gonna go down in infamy. Femme Fatale is not a villain who is recalled fondly, for instance, because her gimmick was horribly botched. Meanwhile, characters like the Boogie Man or the Gnome are looked at more fondly because of their silly and cool gimmicks that make them stand out (being a disco-themed monster under the bed and being a gnome with a beautiful singing voice that sounds like a certain lead singer of Tenacious D, respectively).

Performance: Let’s go one by one on these:

The Gnome is voiced by none other than Jess Harnell, who you may know as Wakko Warner or the current (as of 2020) voice of numerous Crash Bandicoot characters, including everyone’s favorite Wumpa-loving title character. They couldn’t afford the real Jack Black, but I think that Harnell does a very impressive vocal imitation of JB, to the point where you’d be forgiven for assuming that it was JB in the first place. The fantastic singing voice is no shock if you’ve ever watched Animaniacs, but boy is it good to hear.

Jeff Bennet may be the MVP of the lesser rogues, as he voices Major Man, Dick Hardly, and Harold Smith. This is quite a variety of characters each with different personalities and goals, so it’s pretty great he was able to give them all the exact sort of vocal characterization they needed to be distinct. On the subject of the Smiths, though,

Femme Fatale is Grey DeLisle doing a very generic voice. Like, it sounds like a less cheerful Daphne or a less evil Azula. I think she may have just been talking in her normal voice for this one? It just doesn’t really have anything to it to make it stand out among her more notable roles.

Boogie Man is voice acting god Kevin Michael Richardson, who has voiced numerous characters I really should do a Psycho Analysis on such as Chairman Drek and Gantu. There’s really nothing else to say here, really; Richardson gives exactly the sort of glorious performance you’d expect for a funky blaxploitation pastiche boogeyman. Talk about black excellence!

Lenny is Tom Kenny. Tom Kenny really does a good job with weird geeks like this, and so what else can I say but he did a good job with this creepy neckbeard. Abracadaver is played by legendary voice actor Frank Welker, who is in literally everything, but who you mostly know as Fred from Scooby-Doo. Much like with Kenny, he kills it in the role.

Finally, our last speaking villain is Roach Coach, and he’s most notable because he is voiced by Roger L. Jackson, who would graduate from this starter one-shot to become none other than Mojo Jojo. I don’t find Roach Coach quite as memorable a performance, but Jackson certainly doesn’t half-ass it.

Final Thoughts & Score:

The Gnome

I think the Gnome is one of the single most fascinating one-shot villains in the series, and not just because “See Me, Feel Me, Gnomey” is a gloriously cheesy rock opera where he gets to be the villain. His philosophies are incredibly intriguing and are sort of the focus of the episode, and his effectiveness is frankly unmatched as a villain; he succeeds in killing every villain in the series for a time. And while he is a bit hypocritical in that he too wanted to rule over Townsville and transforms it into a cult, he does ultimately realize that he was in the wrong and not only graciously accepts his defeat, but allows himself to die to return the world to its natural order, stating:

“"As I descend to the earth and I view the universe above me, I realize that life evolves, revolves, and dissolves completely around the opposites. Therefore, I conclude that I cannot exist in my...utopian...mind."

That’s a low 9/10 if I ever saw one. They didn’t need to go and make this Jack Black gnome in a rock opera such a fascinating character, but there we have it.

Dick Hardly

Dick Hardly is one of the most “love to hate” characters in the show’s entire run, and it’s not hard to see why; he is the lowest of the low, the scummiest scum there ever was. Look at this excerpt from the PPG Wiki, which was a godsend when writing all this up:

“Despite appearing only once in the 1998 series and never in the various spin-offs or the 2016 series, Dick Hardly is among the franchise's most memorable villans [sic]. This is because he's the only member of the PPG Rogues Gallery who has absolutely no redeeming or comedic qualities. Most villains have lines they will never cross. However, Dick is ruthless enough to kill anyone in order to achieve his goals, even his own ex-friends. In fact, he actually manages to make HIM (who is nastier than Mojo Jojo) look like a saint in comparison.”

He’s a slimy, ruthless, unrepentant bastard, and the fact he’s one of the few villains to bite the big one just helps him stand out even more. Throw in his incredibly cool monstrous transformation, and despite his single episode it’s not hard to give this Dick a 9/10.

Femme Fatale

So not to be lazy, but I did kind of do a Psycho Analysis on Femme Fatale back when I did an Episodyssey on her sole appearance. And yeah, I stand by what I gave her there; she’s a 2/10. She’s just a really preachy, obnoxious, and poorly executed moralizing villain. I’m also gonna go out on a limb here and say that she probably hates trans people. I suppose that’s just a headcanon but… come on. Look at her. If this show was TV-14 and came out today, she’d be even less subtle in her contempt for trans people than every episode of South Park that featured Mrs. Garrison. Enough headcanons though; she doesn’t get the lowest marks possible because, quite simply, she has a pretty nice design and her voice acting is good enough since it is Jennifer Hale.

Mr. Mime

Oops, wrong picture.

There we go! Anyway, Mr. Mime is a really cool character with a frustrating resolution. Through no fault of his own, Rainbow the clown accidentally gets hit by a bleach truck and loses his color, becoming the evil Mr. Mime, gaining the ability to sap the color and sound from the world with a touch. He’s actually a seriously awesome concept, and the episode itself is good… and then comes the ending where, despite turning back to normal, Rainbow gets the crap kicked out of him and sent to jail, which is strangely cruel for the Girls to do. Apparently they later made amends, because Rainbow shows up at their birthday, but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. A 7/10 is a good score for this guy.

Boogie Man

The Boogie Man is arguably the greatest villain in anything ever. He is entirely built around one of the most groan-worthy puns imaginable and plays that pun up for all its worth, being a monster under the bed who utilizes a disco theme to the point he blocks out the sun with a gigantic disco ball. The dude has funky style and if that’s not enough, he’s voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson, who gives him the exact sort of voice he needs. The dude is just like something out of the craziest blaxploitation film ever, and he certainly brings the funk to the point where even though he only got one appearance in the series, I wouldn’t hate to bump this guy to an 8/10. What else is there to say but “Blame it on the boogie!”

The Smiths

These guys are just a very funny concept. I kind of like villains who do stuff for the pettiest, mundane reasons, and these guys take it all to the logical extreme. The patriarch of the family decides to dress up in a tacky supervillain outfit to get “revenge” on Professor Utonium because… he envies his perfect life. The rest of his family turn to villainy to avenge him, and are just as pathetic and ineffectual as he is. It’s so funny in a sad kind of way. I think a 6/10 is what they deserve, because while they aren’t particularly effective or groundbreaking, they’re at least good for a chuckle or two. Ultimately though they are a less impressive version of the Nelsons from Minions.

Major Man

Major Man is very interesting because he is very clearly an homage to Johnny Bravo; they’ve got the same hair, the same muscular body type (though Major Man is certainly beefier), the same voice actor! And yet, they couldn’t be any more different. Johnny, as much of a dense womanizer as he is, does have a hidden heart of gold beneath it all and usually means well; meanwhile, Major Man is a self-serving jerk who wants to play superhero. You know, he kind of reminds me of Homelander from The Boys in some ways. Anyway, I think a 6/10 is fair enough for him; he’d get higher if he wasn’t such an interesting concept for a major villain relegated only to a one-shot appearance. He’d have been a better entry in the rogues gallery than freaking Sedusa, for instance.

Abracadaver

So I wanna know how exactly this one got by the censors. This guy is unrelentingly dark, from his origin (he died onstage in front of a crowd which included children) to his absolutely ghastly appearance in which it is very much clear he is decaying and rotten. I honestly kind of love him, despite the fact he only ever appeared once, mostly because I can totally understand why they never used him again. This dude might actually be too scary. I’m giving him a solid 8/10, because I just love how unrelentingly dark he is. It’s definitely a low 8 since he never appeared after his initial appearance (for good reason!), but damn if he isn’t effective and memorable.

Lenny Baxter

Lenny is actually kind of impressive. On the surface, he’s just a gross, exaggerated take on Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons and loony dudebro manchild fans, which is all well and good, he’s pretty effective at being a “take that” and has stood the test of time pretty well/. But, I think what truly makes him memorable is the fact that he actually did manage to capture the Girls and would have won if not for the meddling townsfolk. Then of course there’s the Professor’s wonderfully tranquil takedown of Lenny’s ideology:

"Let me tell you something, Lenny. You may have all of the toys, all of the merchandise, all of the so-called “collector’s value.” But one thing you don’t have, Lenny, is true fandom. For a true fan wouldn't want to selfishly keep the girls to himself. A true fan would want them to be free."

I think that for a disposable one-shot villain, Lenny is surprisingly relevant even today. I think he deserves a 7/10, though obviously he’s not a very high one because ultimately he is just still a normal (albeit very greasy) guy.

Roach Coach

Look, not all villains are created equal. This guy? He’s not too impressive. Sure, he predicted the ending to Team America, and sure, he made a Papa Roach reference, but frankly I don’t think that’s enough to really elevate him into being an impressive one-shot villain. I’d say he’s a 4/10. He’s not lower because he is the starter villain, and his voice actor would go on to bring us the much better and more memorable Mojo Jojo. We all have to start somewhere, right?

The Robbing Leech

This guy is probably one of the freakiest one-shot villains in the series. Unlike Abracadaver, there’s literally nothing explained about this guy. There’s no origin, no explanation, he doesn’t even talk, and hell, the guy might not even be human at all! We the audience are never clued in, and the guy is never seen again, so we’re only left to ponder what exactly this guy is up to. I don’t think he’s quite as disturbing as Abracadaver, but he’s certainly got something going for him in terms of mystery; a 5/10 is fair enough. It would have been neat if they explained something, but I guess he’ll just have to be one of those riddles for the ages. We will never truly know how and why this man was capable of giving people the succ.

And just when you thought it would end...

Salami Swami

Ok, did you honestly think I was going to miss the opportunity to talk about this guy? His name is SALAMI SWAMI. And look at him! He controls MEAT! He only ever appeared once in the episode “Slave the Day,” where his mighty meat powers are no match for the appetites of the reformed Big Billy (formerly of the Gangreen Gang). But like… LOOK AT HIM. The idea and concept and literally everything about him is just so patently absurd and creative that I’m legitimately angry I didn’t come up with it first. He never spoke a single word, but he still managed to find a way into my heart and mind. Can I legitimately rate this guy who had a single joke appearance in the show? Damn right I can! 6/10, baby! If he appeared more or defined his personality a bit better I’d rank him higher but, come on. SALAMI SWAMI. Sometimes all you need to be great is a really incredible, stupid gimmick. And Salami Swami has that in droves; hopefully we can meat him again someday, and he can reignite his beef with the girls while remaining inextricably linked with sausage. 

Ok, I’m done. Goodnight everybody!

#Psycho Analysis #Powerpuff Girls #Rogues Gallery #Him #Princess #Fuzzy #Amoeba Boys #Rowdyruff Boys #Gangreen Gang

[hypermanga]

The swordswoman and the Prince (Thorin x reader)

Requested by:  witch-of-letters

Synopsis:  Hello! 😀 Can I request a Thorin one-shot (or mini-series) about him and the Reader being in love with each other since childhood (him being a prince and her being the daughter of the Captain of the Guard). R has always been known as the odd dwarrowdam - smart, incredibly funny, amd no-nonsense woman who prefers learning how to fight with weapons than sew. After Smaug's attack, her and Thorin try to lead their people together - thus earning their respect (as an Oakenshield and a Fireheart).

Word count: 3991

A/N: So...I've taken more time with this that what I initially thought, I should watch The Hobbit again!😂 But yeah, I hope I lived up to your expectations and enjoy it, the only thing I didn't know what to do with is the Fireheart part, but I hope nevertheless you enjoy it❤

Happy reading!❤

~~~ 

The tip of your sword shone with the last rays of the sun as you prepared to spar with your father, as per usual. It was one of the perks of being the captain of the royal guard’s daughter, instead of sewing and become a walking cake with all the layers of dressing and make up, you got to enjoy the adrenaline of close hand to hand combat “Not bad at all” You smiled, but it quickly turned into a sour face as your father swept your feet from the ground “Never lose focus on the enemy, even when they are being nice” Offering a hand, you made the gesture as to stand up, but pulled his hand down and rolled over, the tip of your sword almost touching his nose’s “That’s my lass” He laughed proudly.

Just then, Erebor’s prince made an entrance “Highness” Your father made a reverence, even though he was close with the royal his morals were too strong to just salute him like an old friend “ How many times must I tell you that is not necessary” Thorin chuckled, hugging him “Thorin “ You smiled, embracing him in a hug “Ready to get your rear served on a platter?” “(Y/N)!” “It’s okay dad, he’s quite accustomed to it, aye Thorin?”

As your every day spar started, you unsheathed your swords, now the light of the torches being the sun’s substitute “Ready (Y/N)?” “As I’ll ever be” Swords clashed, sweat covered your bodies, and grunts were heard on both parts, not giving up “Don’t you grow tired?” “Ehm…No, are you?” You smiled wickedly, before trying to sweep his feet, but he was quick enough to dodge “Please, a Durin never flee from a fight” As he finished that you came face to face, swords only between you “I know, but they can be distracted” You made pouty lips, as if to kiss him. Thorin quickly blushed, surprised by that, not noticing your arm quickly stealing his sword “How about that, your Highness?” “That was impressive” He huffed, before he stood up “You are going to make a great captain of the Guard” Now it was your turn to blush, quickly covering it with “Look how late it has gotten! It’s way past dinner time…I’ll head to bed” Bidding a goodbye, you retired in your chambers, leaving the two men in the training room.

Not long after the two men also retired “Thorin!” The prince turned on his heel, his blue eyes shining with the moonlight “I can see the way you look at her. The day I perish, I would like you to protect her” “I will, you have my word” Thorin sworn, earning a sweet smile from your father and leaving him alone in one of the many hallways of the magnificent kingdom, glad to know you were never going to be alone, not with Thorin by your side.

Little did you know, the next day was going to change your life and the one’s around you so much.

Smaug had barged in the mountain before any of the troops could react, the flames engulfing them; it had also taken you by surprise while you were practicing with Dwalin, making you drop your sword immediately to help whomever was still trapped or in any form of danger. Dodging the rocks and people who were rushing out, you checked every room that was still intact, the last one being the treasure room.

There you heard King Thror’s cries of greed, as Thorin tried to drag him away from all the treasures, including the Arkenstone, unbeknownst to you “Thorin, we’ve got to hurry up! This place is crumbling down” You shouted, but your screams were muffled by the dragon’s roar “For Mahal’s sake!” You helped Thorin take the king outside, not so delicately, as there was no time for formalities.

When you made it out of Erebor alive, you let go of Thror, quickly scanning the crowd for any signs of your father “Adad!” Nothing. “Adad!” Nothing. Thorin had also retrieved some guards, who didn’t recall seeing your father in the ruckus “The armoury…” You muttered under your breath, and like that you took off, not caring about Thorin’s pleas to stay “Adad!” Like a mantra you repeated it, hoping the dragon was far “(Y/N)!” Your father was with some other guards, prepared to attack “What are you doing still here?” “We must defend the Kingdom, that’s our job” “Adad…” “It is our duty (Y/N) …” You frowned, looking at the defeated faces of the guards and then at what it had been your home for so many years “This is our Kingdom, this is not Erebor…OUR PEOPLE!” You pointed the nearest window “Our people are the reason why you enrolled in the Guard. Those are Erebor, not this palace” A stoic expression rested on your face as you finished your speech “You, my daughter, are more than ready to become the Captain” With that, your father presented his sword to you, transferring his position “What?” “It is your destiny…You must guide our people to freedom” “I…Don’t know what to say” The ground trembled, Smaug was going towards you “Go! Flee! I’ll entertain the beast!”

After helping everyone out, you started to run for the main entrance, but found yourself face to face with the dragon “Well, well, well, who do we have here?” It spoke, his deep voice sounding more menacing thanks to the echo “The Captain of the Guard, you foul monster” It still felt weird to associate the title with your persona “Such strong words spoken by such a pretty little thing like you” “Let’s see how much of a pretty thing I am when I slay your neck” Your face was bright red “I will keep my promise. I will end with your petty existence” At that, Smaug spit fire, earning a yelp of surprise as well as the raising of your shield.

Thorin couldn’t hear anything from outside his birthplace, beginning to sprint inside to aid you when your father and troops stumbled out, visibly tired from running “Thank Mahal you’re alright” Thorin smiled, but his smile started to turn into a frown as he didn’t see you “Thank (Y/N), she stayed behind to battle the dragon” Your father stated, a sad look in his eyes “What do you mean she’s fighting the drag-“ A huge flare came out of the front door, signalling the closeness of the combat “(Y/N)!” Both men screamed, terrified at what happened”

When the fire ceased, you put down your shield, the sweat cascading down your forehead “No fire will extinguish me, bastard!” “You definitely have something in you, I’ll wait patiently for your return, dwarrowdam” The creature made a gesture that seemed like a smile, and with that it swung its tail, making you jump out of the window at full force because of the impact.

Your presence was known as you were blasted out at full speed, a grunt escaping your mouth “(Y/N)!” Both Thorin and your father started to run to catch you on your landing, being Thorin the “lucky one” to do so, your unconscious body bringing him to the ground, though it rested in his arms preventing you from any further harm “My daughter…” Your father caressed your cheek, Oin quickly running up and checking for the pulse. Thankfully you were alive.

You were unconscious for a month or so, not knowing about the elves abandoning your people or how you’d started the exile. One rainy morning a gasp escaped your throat, alerting Oin of your awakening “Lass…You’re with us again” A grunt of displeasure followed that statement “Oin…Where am I?” It looked like a makeshift doctor consultation “We’re in a village, stopping by before we resume our journey to Moria” The legendary realm…“What about everyone?” “They are at the inn or spread around town…Thorin is at the blacksmith, if you are interested” Trying to stand up, you gazed down at the bandages covering your belly, where the impact had left cuts and bruises, the memories of your brief encounter with the dragon coming back to you “That bastard…” You whispered, while you were helped by Oin. After trying to wobble your way out, failing, the elder dwarf concluded that resting and waiting for Thorin’s return as well as the others would be better than have you collapse in the middle of the street.

The day passed by quite quickly, majorly because all you did was eat, sleep, and contemplate your sword, which rested beside your bed “(Y/N)!” Thorin stumbled, visibly exhausted from working “Hey…” You tried to incorporate, whimpering when you tried to do so “Lass, we’ve gone through this before, do not force yourself” “Sorry…I don’t like feeling so helpless…” “How long will be the recovering” Thorin looked at his friend “About a month or so, she was pretty bruised” “I see…” Thorin looked sadly at your figure “You were so brave there…But you could have died! It was foolish of you to enter Erebor again…Let alone face that creature!” Despite the outcome, Thorin felt guilty of not helping you, having sworn to protect you to your father just a day before “I did what I had to do. A part of our people was inside still, my adad included, I couldn’t let him die…Not if I could do something about it” You frowned, your eyes making contact with his, a silent fight between the two of you “You’re incorrigible” Thorin chuckled, making you smirk “After all this time I still surprise you”

The conversation was cut short by your father entering Oin’s consultation “(Y/N)!” He hugged you tightly “Please Adad, you’re embarrassing me” You chuckled, not noticing Thorin’s gaze upon you. He really admired your sense of justice and stubbornness to do the right thing, it was one of the many things why he knew you were his One. But was it reciprocal? According to your father it was, but who better to know it that…Well you: you were childhood friends, then companions and now the Prince and his Captain of the Guard, but your friendship had endured all kinds of problems, but could there be more?

The recovery went faster than what Oin had expected, and sooner than later you were practicing with your sword and mounting your pony instead of resting onto your father’s, as well as attending anyone who needed something, from curing someone’s wounds to encouraging words, you were ready to help. You had been taking jobs here and there during the day to help continue the journey, just like Thorin and most of the people had been doing, and helped the kids study during the last hours of the day to maintain their education.

The outskirts of Moria could be seen from the hilltop you were standing “What’s that smell?” You scrunched your nose, Dwalin mimicking your action “It smells rotten” Your father commented “I have a feeling we are not alone”. Hiding everyone, you stayed awake for any danger during the night polishing your sword, the only company you had “There’s something called sleep” Thorin’s deep voice interrupted your ministrations, turning to face him “I feel something bad is going to happen. It’s my duty to protect my people. My father had a near-death experience because I wasn’t good enough-““You saved him. He is with us.  Your family is still with us, nobody has perished.” He smiled at you, a tired smile “You should rest, I will take it from here” Your eyes looked red and your features showed exhaustion “At least, wake me up if something bad happens” You trudged to you makeshift bed, trying to rest and shake off the bad sensation the old kingdom exuded.

You didn’t know how much you slept before Thorin shook your torso gently “What is it?” Fully alert, you watched a party of dwarves make their way to the path that was directed to Erebor “We are going to investigate. As the new captain of the guard I figured out you would want to join us” You smiled, preparing your sword and grabbing a quick bite before assuring women and children that everything was going to be fine.

But as soon as you stepped near the entrance, the stench that you’d smelt and the bad sensation morphed into your worst nightmare: the orcs had occupied the old kingdom, claiming is their own “On your positions!” You quickly directed to the guards and commoners “We didn’t expect it. No one did” You gritted your teeth. It was fundamental to rise the spirits and convictions before a battle began “But this is one of our many kingdoms! This is one of our homes, and the homes of our ancestors! And these orcs have taken it as if it was theirs! Are we going to let that happen?” A strong ‘No!’ rumbled in the troops, making you smile in satisfaction “We may have lost Erebor for now, but we are now prepared and united as a kingdom!” Cheers started again, and you waved your sword, leading “Du bekar!” Thorin smiled at you and started to run towards the battle, the orcs quickly catching on and preparing his troops.

It seemed as everything was going to be smooth, well as smooth as a battle could be, but from Moria emerged a big pale orc, like none you’d ever seen before “What the?” Judging from his big weapon and how every orc defended him, it seemed he was the leader. The troops of orcs started their offensive again, this time mor organized, as if the appearance of the menacing creature had given them boost. The battle soon turned out to be a war, with more casualties than the one’s you’d thought. You watched as dwarves fell down dead in front of you, with no time to mourn them because of the constant attacks from the orcs, your sword piercing every single one of them.

Everything was chaotic, a blur, but the next thing you knew was that King Thror was running towards the pale orc and the latter had decapitated him in a matter of seconds. Tears brimmed from your eyes as you heard Thorin’s despair, your heart breaking in the process. You ran after him, intending of stopping the same fate, but he was unreachable. You watched in despair how he faced the orc alone and lost both his sword and shield.

You were being massacred. What had looked like a simple victory had turned into a bloodshed. Defeat loomed upon your kin, and felt partially responsible, for not being good enough.

That's when you saw him, slicing the orc's arm with just an oak branch as a shield. "Thorin" you whispered in bliss, tears of happiness in your life. Seeing him alive and rise as victor seemed to bring power to the remaining dwarves, but that's when you felt it. It was not just a crush that you'd tried to palliate with flirting, but it was futile.

You loved him.

The dwarves formed a troop, Thorin leading in the front this time "Du bekar!" He exclaimed, everyone following him. The line of Durin and its power, you guessed, smiling inside. You fought perfectly back to back to eachother, defending and attacking when needed at perfect timing. It was as if you were the perfect duo.

As the orcs fled the place, taking the pale orc who was bleeding fatally, Thorin walked up one of the hills, sweating and full of dirt, his figure exuding majesticness "There is one I could follow, someone I can call king" Balin whispered for himself, but you couldn't help but smile sadly. It was not his turn to become king, but the events had caused it "(Y/N)" the older dwarf interrupted your train of thought as he signalled your friend. Thorin had extended his hand, looking at you; taking it you stood beside him on the hill. The remaining dwarves bowed down, and later would the people who stayed behind.

In that little moment, Thorin's hand hoveres upon yours, his eyes never leaving the horizon; timidly you grabbed it and shook it gently "We're in this together" You nodded, and him mimicked your actions.

Thorin had lost his grandfather, father, and brother on the same day. As for you, your father was severly injured. That night there weren't many celebrations, for the happiness succumbed to the pain of all the fallen "How is your father?" Thorin asked, while looking at the fire "Fine...Recovering..." You gave him a bowl of stew "You need to eat Thorin. You'll be of no use if not. Our people need you" "But what if I'm not good enough?" He looked uncertain, eyes glassy "You will be. I've grown up with you, and I'd put my hand over fire and swear on my corpse that you're ready. And remember, you have me by your side" Pointing at yourself, he chuckled quietly, making you smile as well.

He looked beautiful, under the pale moonlight, and even though it was not the best moment, your eyes landed on his lips. He gazed you intently, watching your every movement, approaching your features and closing his eyes, and you did the same "(Y/N)!" Oin shouted, making you scoot back "Your father! He is weak!" You ran to his tent, and watched in horror at the blood-covered floor and then at your pale father "Adad" He opened his eyes briefly, closing them instantly "My dear..." "You have to fight! You're strong!" Grabbing his hand, your tears fell "(Y/N), my time has come to join the Valar...It pains me to leave you, but I know that by Thorin's side I couldn't leave you in better hands. You've become a fierce dwarrowdam, (Y/N), and I couldn't be more proud of you" He caressed your face and brushed your tears with his thumb "Now lead our people to freedom, I know you will"

He closed his eyes for the last time, everyone lowering their heads, while you left the tent, crashing into Thorin "He's..." Sobs escaped you, soaking his shirt "I'm sorry (Y/N)..." Now it was his turn to help you cope with the situation. Embracing you in his arms, he rested the top of his head upon yours.

‐---------------

After some months, you arrived at the Blue Mountains, helping everyone get installed thanks to the skills you’d acquired building houses in the villages, dressed as a boy of course. No one said life as the Captain of the Guard was easy, and now with your father gone, it was difficult for you to not get nostalgic, so you tried to entertain yourself by training with your sword for long hours.

You'd sworn to earn vengeance and end with the dragon's life, but now you didn't feel anything, you were numb. Thorin had caught up on your gloomy behaviour, and although he wasn't much better than you, he always went out of his way to help you while he acted as an uncle and parental figure to his nephews Kili and Fili.

Nightmares plagued you of that pale orc coming back and finishing off with the last person you loved. Every night you would wake up sweaty and in tears. Finding there was of no use to go back to your little cottage, you knocked on Thorin's door "Come in" Opening the door, you shufled in silence "(Y/N)?" "Sorry to bother you, but I couldn't sleep" You gazed the maps that were upon his table "I see you cannot either. What are these for?" You smirked "We can’t stay here forever, now can we? I must reclaim Erebor back". As he looked at your puzzled expression, he took out a key that was hidden under his robbes " Do you know Gandalf the Grey?" "The wizard of course" You eyed the key curiously, touching it "He gave me this key a while ago, in a tavern of Bree". You knew of Thorin's constant research of his father, his hope of him being alive "This key will help us retrieve Erebor" He smiled proudly, making you smile as well "How will you do so?" "I must part to reunite with the leaders of the Nine Realms, reunite a strong troop and part to Erebor”

That meant... "When are you going to leave?" "First I want to talk to some of the dwarves that are here, such as Balin, Dwalin..." You crossed your arms, it was almost a year or so from here to Erebor, not to mention the dragon "I'll come with you" You stepped forward "What? No, I don't want to put you in danger" "I'm the Captain of the Guard, a skilled swordswoman and" You emphasized the last word "Your childhood friend"

Thorin was conflicted: he wanted to leave you here, to honor his promise to your father of not exposing you to danger, but he knew that if he did so you'd probably hate him until the end of his days. And truth to be told, he wasn't sure he would be able to complete the journey without you by his side "Fine, you win" He looked at your excited form, as if parting on a journey had made you forget all your worries, the old (Y/N) before the scarring of the battle coming back.

After finishing your little victory dance and scanning the maps, your eyes landed on Thorin, who looked conflicted "What?" Your voice seemed to bring him back from Mahal knows where "Nothing..." "I know when you're worried Thorin and that's now, please tell me" Sitting beside him, Thorin tried to organize his thoughts "Your father, the day before the attack...He asked me to protect you from any harm once he perished" You nodded "And by letting you go in this journey I fear I'd break this promise" "But I've got the last word, don't I? And I'm fully decided" Grabbing his hands, he turned to you completely "Now, please tell me what's the real reason? Because you're a terrible liar" You smirked, as Thorin looked like a deer in headlights "Well...That's it" He shrugged "(Y/N), I've known you all my life, and since I was a child I knew that my heart would belong to you: you're a strong and fearless warrior, an intelligent and compassionate dwarrowdam...And above all, someone I can count on any time. What I'm trying to say is that...I love you, amralime, and I don't want to lose you to any journey"

You gazed upon his sad blue eyes, appalled by his words “Lucky for you, you are not getting rid of me any time soon, amralime” You smiled gently, your lips swiftly caressing his, before he claimed them passionately. 

The next morning you appeared with a braid in your hair and a gleeful smile, while in the night you were with Thorin preparing the reunion as well as...Some other things. In no time you’d gathered everything you needed while you finished talking to those dwarves that you trusted the most, such as Dwalin, Balin, and Thorin’s nephews. 

"So...Thirteen dwarves and a wizard" You smirked, bidding everyone goodbye "An odd Company, to say the least" You looked how the rest did the same you'd done "And did you say we needed a burglar?" You asked Thorin, who shrugged "Gandalf suggested it, and frankly it is a good idea" You nodded, before approaching your people "Dwarves from Erebor! Today we part to retrieve our land. As you know, it will not be an easy journey, with many dangers and adventured ahead, but with our Company and Thorin leading the way don't you fret nor fear, for we will be victorious!"

Everyone cheered, Thorin blushing and smiling proudly "Couldn't have said it better" He looked at you, pecking your lips softly before lifting your hand in his.

With this gesture of victory and force, you parted to the Shire, where a hobbit was to embark into an unexpected journey.

MASTERLIST

Requests are open!

@deepestfirefun @book-boys-are-my-guilty-pleasure @evyiione @youre-gonna-have-dreams @every-jai @schizonephilim @j25m18c24 @fandomgalcentral @leah-halliwell92

#the hobbit an unexpected journey #the hobbit #the hobbit the desolation of smaug #the hobbit the battle of the five armies #the hobbit thorin x reader #the hobbit thorin imagine #the hobbit thorin oakenshield #the hobbit thorin #thorin oakenshield one shot #thorin oakenshield x reader #thorin oakenshield imagine #thorin oakenshield #the hobbit x reader

[jeremys-blogs]

Aravos: A Better Sauron?

If a show is going to be given praise like "the next Avatar", then it's safe to say that it's got some lofty expectations to live up to. Thankfully, Netflix's Dragon Prince has thus far managed to impress with it's three seasons. Is it indeed as good as the epic Nickelodeon show? It's hard to say, but I am certainly enjoying what I've seen of it, and with rumours of further seasons coming I'm definitely looking forward to more of its world and, more importantly, its characters. And characters are exactly what I want to discuss here today. Or, to be more specific, one character in particular. Aravos, an Elf who, despite only making his appearance from the second season onwards, has slowly worked his way to becoming pretty much the main antagonist of the entire show. While not being much in terms of a physical presence, he has nevertheless made a massive impact on the events of the story, having served as a man-behind-the-man to the show's initial villain, Viren. And given how the show's third season ended, it's pretty clear that the creators of this wonderful story have a lot planned for this guy, so only time will tell exactly what we'll be seeing from him in future.

But as I was re-watching some episodes of the show, something occurred to me. Aravos, and the way he acts and makes his plans happen, are a perfect representation of how I always imagined the character of Sauron from Lord of the Rings to be. Now, a little context. In the years leading up to the famed LOTR trilogy by Peter Jackson, there was a wave of revived Tolkien appreciation here in the UK, and I, who was just about twelve at the time, was encouraged to seek out and read the original book trilogy. So I found them, read them in a couple of weeks, and absolutely feel in love with Tolkien's works, followed by me reading and loving any other Tolkien books I could find. When the films came out, I was as hyped as you could imagine, eager to see all of these characters I had come to adore so much. And like so many others, I felt that Jackson didn't disappoint. The films, to this day, remain some of my all-time favourites, and a rightly-regarded high point in the history of cinema. However, despite that praise, there was one point about the film that, to this day, I've never been entirely satisfied, and that was the portrayal of the story's main antagonist, the Dark Lord Sauron.

Now, don't take this to mean that I think that Jackson gave us a bad interpretation of this baddie, because that's far from the truth. After all, these films do a great job of selling us on the idea that terrible things will happen if this guy wins the day, and that look of his, both his awesome armour and the now-iconic fiery eye are now etched into pop culture forever for good reason. In terms of making a terrifying far-away evil overlord, Jackson and his team did a fantastic job. However, as someone who was virtually marinated in Tolkien stories by the time the movies came out, I couldn't help but be disappointed at seeing that they'd rather under-selled what was, to me, the most interesting aspects of his character. Namely, that this wasn't just someone who wielded great power and was an intimidating presence, but that he was also someone who possessed great cunning, intelligence and a terrifying ability to coerce people into doing bad things. He wasn't just a conqueror, he was a schemer, a tempter, a being who understood people and what they desired, offering them exactly what they wanted or what they wanted to hear in order to ultimately benefit himself above all. And while Jackson's interpretation was good, those aforementioned qualities never really stood out in the films.

Now, I realise that comparing a relative newcomer to fiction like Aravos to a famous literary villain like Sauron is no easy thing, and it's made all the harder when you consider that there's actually very little we know about the former so far. But what we have learned about him is quite telling. First and foremost, he is imprisoned for the entirety of Dragon Prince thus far, and is only able to interact with others either through a magic mirror or through ghostly images of himself. Where his prison is, we don't know, only that he was put there hundreds of years ago by Avizandum, the late King of the dragons. As for his crimes, again that's unknown, but the show has hinted that he might have some connection to humanity's first acquisition and practice of dark magic. And if that's true then it's especially damning as it was an act which ultimately led the Elves to see humans as dangerous, and was the inciting incident that caused the two races to be at odds with one another. He's also known to have little love for his own kind, as he not only helps humans to war against them, but in the few instances we've seen Elves become aware of him, they have been utterly terrified of him.

At this point, anyone who has ever gone deep into Tolkien's writings will likely know exactly where I'm going with this, as this admittedly-incomplete picture of Aravos is starting to sound remarkably similar to the official backstory of Sauron. He too was a being of great power whose actions led to him falling out of favour with a higher power, and he too has been reduced to a situation where he can no longer interact with others, having to rely on agents and underlings to see his will enacted. They both have a historic conflict with Elves and, both in the past and the present, have a career in manipulating humankind to go down dark and self-destructive paths. Granted, the details will certainly differ, but in the broad strokes their backstories are close to identical. Now, this is all with the understanding that Dragon Prince hasn't actually finished yet. There are still many questions surrounding Aravos and his motivations, so it's entirely possible that, when more light gets shed on him, all of this will be completely wrong on my part. But as things stand right now, with us knowing what we do, there can be no denying that both he and Sauron have a lot in common.

However, while they may have similarities, they are incredibly different in their execution, as my earlier words probably gave away. Sauron, and not just in Jackson's adaptations but in virtually all on-screen versions of him, has had a lot of his more manipulative tendencies tones down. Now, in all fairness, those traits were never at the forefront of his character at the time of the LOTR books, but even so, a massive reason why he has as many followers as he does is because of his role as a deceiver. We can of course assume here that he's lying and tricking people off-screen, but as in all things it's always better to show and not tell. We're told that he's out there doing bad things, but that will never be as effective as witnessing him doing it with our own eyes. However, by contrast, Aravos is very much doing his thing while we're seeing him. Every piece of advice or subtle nudge in this or that direction is something we're witnessing first-hand, and since these manipulations are something that has, as of the latest episodes, managed to effectively grant him an entire army to wreak havoc with, I'd say he's as good at his job as Sauron supposedly was. So, if nothing else, we at least now Aravos has successfully managed to be a more prominent presence in his respective fantasy story.

Once again, I must clarify that I do not feel that Jackson and the other people behind the LOTR films did a bad job of recreating what Sauron was said to be in the books. They set out to create an iconic and intimidating fantasy overlord and by God they made one. Their films have stood the test of time and are rightly remembered by millions across the world. But if I'm going to be bare-my-soul honest about this, when I look back, I was genuinely expecting this world-ending foe to be more of a presence, more of a direct hand in the events than he ultimately was. He's still a good villain, even a great one, but to this day I still hope to one day see a version of Sauron that's what I thought I'd get after I read the books all those years ago. And Aravos, to be perfectly blunt, is pretty much exactly what I was hoping for in terms of that type of enemy for our heroes to face. Dragon Prince, much like Avatar before it, has done wonderfully in creating a remarkable cast of characters, good and bad alike, and Aravos is certainly top tier when it comes to the latter category. Where they ultimately go with him and the story as a whole is anyone's guess, but for this moment I am thoroughly looking forward to seeing more of this mysterious shoulder-devil of an Elf.

#essay #writing #my stuff #netflix #the dragon prince #lotr #aravos #sauron #lord of the rings #tolkien

[ashintheairlikesnow]

The Rescue, Part 2: Nate’s POV

Remember how I told you there were two parts to The Rescue? I lied. There’s actually three or four, because Nate got chatty. Whoops. In any case, here’s the second part of the Rescue and how Nate got Danny away from Bram. Follows directly on The Rescue, Part One (may want to read that one first for context if you haven’t yet

Tagging @special-spicy-chicken, @spiffythespook, @bleeding-demon-teeth, @finder-of-rings, and @whumpywhumper!

CW: The dog kennel makes a reappearance. Referenced/implied noncon, serious violence, blood, mention of dissociation/trauma

“I was m-mad,” Nate said flatly.

“Mad?” The detective raised an eyebrow, tapping her pencil on the yellow notepad laid out in front of her. “That’s it?”

“I was r-r-really mad.”

“Based on the drawing you made for us of what you keep referring to, it’s… clear what happened to Mr. Michaelson during the incident you say led you to plan an escape. So, I looked at the notes from the officer you initially spoke with… it says here that it wasn’t the first time.”

Nate ground his teeth together, fighting the surge of anger and picking up his mug of coffee instead, taking a slow drink, letting the scalding liquid burning the roof of his mouth distract him. All of this was helpful, he reminded himself. All of this was one step closer to getting Bram somewhere where he couldn’t hurt Danny anymore. “No,” he said, keeping the word quick and curt. “He m-made him wear it when h-h-he was angry with him. It was the th-thing he hated most. He’s… he was sc-scared of it.“

He was tired of answering questions, and Danny was all alone back in the breakroom, sitting in that stupid fucking folding chair with a blanket around his shoulders. Alone. He didn’t do well by himself. He didn’t like being alone - Bram had taken Nate on a supply run once and left Danny chained in the living room with enough food for a few days, told him they’d be gone for a weekend - and then stayed more than twice that long.

Danny had been desperate and terrified and so fucking grateful to Bram for coming back. Certain they’d left him in the living room to die, just like when Bram threw him in the cellar, in the dark. Then dragged Nate away to a small hunting shed down the road for a week, two weeks, a whole fucking month.

Returning to a Danny thirsty and starving, out of apples and water, willing to do anything - anything - if Bram promised not to leave again.

And somehow, Nate thought, Bram always seemed to know the exact day Danny ran out of food and water.

Nate’s bad hand tried to tighten into a fist and he winced at the spike of pain, the feeling of bones badly healed grinding against each other.

“I w-want to see R-… Danny,” Nate said, taking another sip of coffee, trying to calm down. Steady. You are rescued captives, not criminals, and they’ve already said Danny’s brother will be taking you back to sleep at his place. “We sh-… should talk to you t-t-together. In the same r-room.”

“I just want a few pieces of information to round out what we know,” The woman reassured him.

“Ma’am, I uh-understand that, but h-h-he’s scared. He d-d-doesn’t like being alone, it’s b-b-better if we t, talk together-”

“Listen, this is not an interrogation and we’re really not holding you. We only have you in here because the trauma expert we brought in has said it might be better for him not to overhear it, especially the bits involving…” She tapped her pen on the drawing Nate had made for her of the thing Abraham put on Danny’s face, then tapped her own cheek.

“But I h-h-have to hear m-me say it?” Nate sighed, and it felt good to sigh in a place where no one was going to mock him for how often he did it, or hit him, or cut the words STOP FUCKING SIGHING SO MUCH into his back. 

Part of him ached with missing Bram’s presence, the hand that would have been on the back of his neck right now, telling him what to say without ever having to speak a word… but that part was too far gone, down a well of once you did this, it was too fucking late. “It’s n-n-not easier for me, you know.”

“Isn’t it? When we tried to speak to Mr. Michaelson, he shut down entirely.” The woman tapped her pen again, and Nate narrowed his eyes. That sound was getting really, really annoying. “I only want to learn a little bit more. You’re doing just fine, Mr. Vandrum.”

“I’m n-not worried about me.” Nate took a breath, gentled his voice. He tried even to gentle his expression, but it was hard by now to break the self-protective mask he wore, the one where bitterness and hostility fought for dominance, where he always looked bored and angry. It was a safer face than any other, and only with Danny did he find it easy to lose. “Even if it’s j-j-just a break,” He said quietly. “I want to s-s-see him. Soon.”

“Just a few more questions, Nate, and we’ll facilitate that. Once we’re done, we’ll take you back in. I’ve been told Mr. Michaelson’s brother has picked up a couple hotel rooms for you to stay in, and we can take this back up in the morning afterward. Is that acceptable?”

He thought about it, but they both knew it wasn’t really something he had a choice in. He at least was pretty used to not having choices. He wondered, idly, what had happened to Bram’s truck.

The body’s truck, not Bram’s.

(he’s not supposed to be back here for three months)

Not body. Victim.

(of course I’m going to kill him)

“Fine.” Nate sighed, again, and relished the sound and the way all the detective did was try to hide a small half-smile.

“Good. I just want to get through what you were thinking on Mr. Michaelson’s twenty-sixth birthday, when both of you have stated that the incident occurred that led to your escape, and then we’ll take a break. What made this different, if I might ask?”

Nate frowned. “Made w-w-what different?”

“You say this was done to him before, as… a form of punishment?” When Nate winced, her eyebrows furrowed in a moment of regret. “Ah, I’m sorry. I should have worded that differently. You say it happened more than once, at least. That it was not uncommon as a method of control. So what made this last time different, in your eyes? Prior to this, you had not been able to effect an escape. So why this time?”

Nate looked at her and thought of Daniel with the thing on his face, when the blue eyes were empty and gone, curled up in the back of the dog kennel in the cellar, whining in his throat like a kicked animal when Nate came close, looking at him and seeing Abraham Denner instead.

When those eyes stayed empty, stayed gone, for so long that until Nate had him in Bram’s truck (the body’s truck) he’d been perfectly and totally certain that it was too late, that Danny would never come back.

You’re a fucking fairy tale, Nate. Kissed the sleeping prince to wake him up. He had to fight back the bitter laughter, knowing that if he started laughing he might never stop. I didn’t exactly slay the dragon, though, did I? “He m-m-made me put it on h-him.”

“You had never done that before?”

He glared down into his coffee. “Not l-like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I said no,” Nate snapped. “Because I f-fucking h-h-h… haaaah… I hated that thing. And sometimes he l-l-listened to me.” Sometimes he loved me enough to listen. Guilt blossomed, flowered inside of him, and he fought it back down. It was his fault Bram was sitting in a hospital room right now, handcuffed to the bed, would go to prison. His fault his fault his fault.

No. It wasn’t his fault.

If he hadn’t done that to Danny, everything would still be the same. Nate had understood, he’d learned all his lessons. He’d become exactly what Bram wanted and they’d been together for seven years, more time with Danny there than without him. After seven years of every attempt to find himself, to escape - to stand up for Danny - failing, Nate had been ready to live like that forever if he had to. Danny and his books, that was enough.

It would have to be enough.

But Bram had made the choice that nearly stole Danny from him for good, and if Danny was the only thing Bram had left him…

Danny was the only thing he wanted enough to kill for.

“But not on the day in question. On the day in question, he forced you to fasten this implement onto Mr. Michaelson’s face?”

Nate shook his head.  "He wanted Red-… Danny to watch me b-be the one to d-d-do it.”

So that even I was a threat, the bad guy, someone who hurt him. That he couldn’t turn to me for help, because I was just as bad as Bram. Just like him, going to be just like him, just like them… so that he knew no one was safe, and I wanted to be safe for him.

That was all I wanted.

Bram took that away from me.

“So that was what made you start considering escape?”

“Not… n-not really. It made me th-think about it, but… what made me do something didn’t happen until September, when he b-brought him back into the cabin.”

“How long was that after going in? Two months, give or take? Okay, so what happened?”

“Two and a half. He went in on July 10th. He brought him back up right before October. If I answer, do I get to see him for a while?”

The woman went still, the slightest flare around her eyes the only thing betraying surprise. That’s right, Nate thought, I don’t always stammer. Sometimes I get pissed off instead, and the switch flips, and the words get back on the track to my mouth like they used to. She tilted her head, considered. “Yes. We’ll take a break, and you can see him, then. What happened in September?”

“He s-s-sent me down to get him,” Nate said softly. “G-Gave me the key.”

“H-Hey, Red, it’s m-m-me,” Nate had whispered, coming down the creaking wooden stairs, the cellar door thrown open to let as much light in as he could. “Where are y-y-you, Red? D-Danny?”

A low whine from the corner, behind the shelves that were empty now but would be full of pumpkins and apples in the winter, potatoes, too - all the food that they kept down here. Danny would make pumpkin pies and pumpkin pasta, black bean soup with pumpkin thrown in. Nate was fucking sick of beta carotene by spring.

He followed the sound of the whine, his heart dropping as he heard a soft metal scraping noise - rhythmic and horrifying, even when he didn’t know what it was.

He’d heard Danny trying to scream down here, when Bram went down to check on him. The whining sound like a kicked dog, ratcheted up to a horrible high pitch, followed by smacks and thumps and thuds and Bram’s laughter breaking it apart, shattering Danny’s fear and misery. Neither of them sounded human, down there, any longer.

That was when Nate had begun, piece by piece to realize that he didn’t feel quite the same when he looked Bram in the eyes as he used to.

Nate had moved around the corner of the shelf to find the large dog kennel shoved against the corner. It was nearly full-dark even with the cellar door open, this far back. Danny was curled up in the back, knees nearly to his chin, wide blue eyes staring sightlessly ahead.

Bare feet caked in dried dirt up to his ankles, streaks of old mud along his arms. The collar was cinched so tight that Danny breathed in shallow half-gasps. His red hair was dark, too dark, and Nate thought Bram must have been shoving him down into the dirt when he came down here, because Danny’s hair was clumped with mud.

Nate stared at Danny, and Danny stared back without seeing him, his whining turning to a low, frightened, inhuman whimper. He curled up even more tightly, and Nate realized what the metallic scraping was as Danny rubbed the side of the muzzle against the side of the kennel, trying to find the relieving, soothing pressure without touching the muzzle himself.

He couldn’t, after all - his hands were tied behind his back.

There was blood caked and dried on his chest, down his torso. A huge bruise he could see even in the semi-darkness on one hip.

“Oh h-h-holy fuck, no.”

Nate crouched down in front of the crate - feeling a twinge of pain in the knee Bram had damaged, once upon a time - and when he put the key into the lock to open it, Danny flinched away from him, tears leaking from his eyes, mixing with the blood on his face.

“C-C-Come on, Red, it’s t-t-time to c-come upstairs…”

Danny shook his head, whimpering again, turning his eyes away. Nate had to reach in and grab him by one arm, feeling like the lowest scum of the earth, and pull Danny whining and frightened forcibly out of the crate. Had to drag him up to his feet, which barely seemed able to hold him. Had to pull him up into sunshine he hadn’t seen in two and half months, leading him like a blind man when Danny whined and pushed his face into Nate’s shoulder at the pain of the light.

In the light, Nate could see what he’d missed in the dark.

He could see that some of what he’d thought was dirt on Danny’s arms and legs, his torso, along his spine… was blood.

And his face was still bleeding fresh, new bright red to cover over the dark dried brownish flakes on his cheeks under the grid.

And when he got him inside, Bram had looked up at them from his place sitting at the kitchen table, and smiled.

He’d taken pictures, with his phone, of the bloody wreckage where a man once had been.

And Nate had thought to himself, I’m going to kill you one day. And for the first time in seven years, he meant it.

In the present , Nate came back to himself, to the curious, patient stare of the detective. “I’m s-s-sorry, you had asked-”

“What was different about this instance?”

“Oh, um, time… He sp-spent two m-months in the… away f-f-from me, and when we g-g-got him back upstairs and c-clean-”

“How long had you gone without seeing him during the captivity prior to the event?”

“… I didn’t, n-not since Abraham took him. I s-s-saw him every single day until then, except w-w-when he took m-me on a supply run or t-two. We were… we were e-e-everything for each other.”

Still are. He’s everything, and no one’s going to take him away again.

“When he brought Mr. Michaelson back up from the cellar, you were still angry about what happened in July?”

Nate just nodded, this time, and took another drink of coffee. It was cooling rapidly in the little questioning room, and he frowned down at it. It was terrible coffee - Danny would hate it, he’d never stopped being a coffee snob even during the worst days, at the end, when he didn’t even get to drink the coffee he’d made, because…

“Bram wouldn’t take it off,” Nate said in a low voice. The anger was back, the fury that lived inside of him and flipped the switch inside his brain. The words suddenly came easily, all but fell out of his mouth, tumbled over each other in his eagerness for someone to understand what he’d done and why. “He wouldn’t take the fucking thing off of him, even after he brought him back up. Just to sh-shower, for eating. He made him… he’d worn it for…” He counted it up, the days and weeks of seeing Danny’s empty fucking eyes, and knew he’d done the right thing. “… he’d worn it for five goddamn months by the time I got him out.“

The woman sat back, watching him carefully, writing quickly on her notepad without ever taking her eyes off of his face. “Five months, Mr. Vandrum?”

"Five. Months. He didn’t get to take it off - other than to eat or for me to take care of his- his bleeding, to get his face cleaned up and bandaged-… for five months.”

“I understand,” She said, with that exaggerated but impersonal empathy that he fucking hated hearing in cop shows and definitely hated even more in real life. “Mr. Michaelson didn’t tell us it was that long.”

“He p-p-probably doesn’t r-remember. I was… I’d been m-mad before, but you kn-know, you g-g-get over being mad, in a relationship. You fight a-and you work it out, s-sometimes he hurt m-m-me until I stopped b-being angry, but…” One of the woman’s eyebrows twitched upwards, then just as quickly went back down. She said nothing. “But th-this… he knew, he knew he wouldn’t come b-back, this t-t-time, and he didn’t.”

“Come back? Can you explain-”

“D-Danny goes away in his head when it’s on h-him. He's…”

“Yes,” The detective said, thoughtfully. “The trauma expert told us he dissociates, and he does seem to struggle with understanding where he is, or when he is.”

“Wh-who he is,” Nate whispered.

My name is Red and I belong to Abraham Denner.

“Right. So you’re saying that the muzzle-” Nate flinched at the word, and the detective cleared her throat. “Apologies. You’re saying the implement is the cause of his dissociation, and he doesn’t come back until you take it off. That Mr. Denner purposefully kept it on, and kept him dissociated, for five months.”

“Y-Yes.”

“So when he chose to keep it on… this upset you further?” The woman asked, voice pitched lower and lower.

“Of c-course it did. He let me c-clean him up, and everything, but he m-m-made me p-put it back on afterwards. Over and oh-over, and… and over-” Nate’s voice broke, caught with the tears he hadn’t shed, not in a long time. The guilt might eat him alive. He’d let it go on for so long before he could pull everything off, before he could do what he had to do. This was on him, all of it. What had happened to Danny, what had been taken from him. How little was left. “He s-said it wasn’t coming off this time until he felt like he’d learned, th-that he’s not a p-person, just the f-f-fucking puppy.”

The detective swallowed. Her composure did not crack, not for a moment.

“He’s n-not. He’s not wh-what Bram always, always s-s-said he was, he’s not. He is a person!”

He’s my person.

Mine.

“I understand your frustration,” She said, carefully compassionate, still distant. Did she not like him, Nate wondered or was it just professional composure, not to crack under the weight of the story Nate was telling her? “This was the catalyst for the actions you undertook between October and December 10th?”

“Yes.”

Catalyst. Perfect word for it, wasn’t it? Nate smiled, the barest, faintest little smile. Yes, it had been the catalyst.

Daniel had come up from the cellar filthy, clinging to Nate with eyes that saw something else, that belonged to someone else. Bram had ordered Nate to get him into the shower and clean him up, and then put him back on his mat.

Every bit of dirty water down the drain, all the shaggy red hair he’d cut off when he couldn’t get the tangles to come apart no matter how long he combed at them… every new wound and scarring bit of skin and bruise he’d found… every time Danny whined at the feel of his hands, even though Nate took the thing off in the shower…

All of it was a little bit more of what tied Nate to Bram - the fear and the affection, the love and the pain, the power of his eyes - draining away.

Danny’s broken arm had healed even if more of the rest of him was hurt - Bram must have splinted it, while he was in the cellar, in the dog crate. Even with the thing off his face, Danny didn’t come back, not even for a second. He just sat there, empty, and allowed himself to be cleaned.

Once he was clean, the story of the past two months in the darkness became even more apparent. Nate could see new cuts, reddish and infected, layered over old mostly-healed ones. His body was littered with bruising, and when he took the collar off for the shower he could see that the skin was raw and blistered under there.

He fastened the collar back on, at Bram’s command, but at least he could make it looser for him, this time.

He could see the muzzle wounds dug so deeply into his face that Nate thought his jaw might never heal all the way that his nose would always look like that now dug in hard on the top. They kept leaking blood even after he bandaged them, thin blood vessels so close to the surface, so repeatedly forced into exposure with the air.

And he could see, in the empty blank blue eyes, the worst wound of all - the way Danny had retreated into his own mind to escape, and couldn’t find his way back out.

Once he was cleaned up, dried off, and dressed in a thin button-up and his cotton pajama pants, Danny sat quietly on his mat, staring at nothing, and no matter how Nate tried to get him back, he was gone.

Not even when Bram ordered him into the bed that night.

All Danny did was stare blankly at the two of them and do exactly what he was told. He fell asleep that night with his head resting on his shoulder, wavy red hair tickling at his ear, the metal grid of the muzzle pressing lightly against Nate’s neck.

Nate had held him until he fell asleep, and known he couldn’t keep going like this. The fury did not die under Bram’s eyes, this time. 

He held on to that fury for as long as it took to do what he had to do to save him.

“This was in late September. We didn’t receive the call until… December 11th, it says, that you and Mr. Michaelson reported yourselves to a police station around 2 am. What happened?”

Nate swallowed.

I stopped loving Bram.

I learned how to love Danny more.

“I came up with a plan.”

“A plan, Mr. Vandrum?”

Nate looked her right in the eyes, and dared her to question what he had had to do. Dared her to say a goddamn word about his choices that night.

“Yes, m-ma’am.”

“And your plan was…”

“A m-m-murder.”

#whump #Daniel Michaelson's story #nate vandrum: a knight in soot-stained armor #defiant whumpee #broken whumpee #tw: muzzles #muzzling #restrained #tw: blood #tw: violence #tw: referenced/implied noncon (brief) #tw: abuse #intimate whumper #creepy whumper #violent whumper #dehumanization #pet whump

[jewish-gay-elves]

Change of Faith 1/2

In one of his lowest moments, Tristan finally looks to Anders for help and drops the pretenses.

Words: 2546, Chapters: 1/2, Language: English

Series: Part 1 of the Tristan Amell: Bound to Fall Again series

Fandoms: Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Tristan Amell, Male Amell, Anders (Dragon Age), Nathaniel Howe, Oghren (Dragon Age) Relationships: Tristan Amell/Anders, Amell/Anders, Male Amell/Anders Additional Tags: questioning faith, Andrastians, talking about darkspawn

    “I don’t know if I can be Andrastian anymore,” The Warden-Commander said. On the bench next to him, his second in command gave him a critical look borne from confusion.

    “And why would that be?” Anders asked bluntly. At least what was considered blunt between the two men. Neither had shared deeply philosophical thoughts of this kind before, and Anders was desperate for any chance to learn his Commander better. They were sitting during a lull during the assault on Amaranthine, praying that the darkspawn had not already destroyed Vigil’s Keep. Though they sat a respectful distance apart to dissuade any other church go-ers prying eyes, Anders nudged his Commander’s knee with his own to display his support.

    The Warden Commander’s face was turned upward, staring openly at the stain glass window depicting Andraste, the colored light falling gently on his cheekbones.

    “Why would He do this to His children? Why allow such terrible acts? All because a few of us thought ourselves so mighty that we deserved to see his throne? Why allow the darkspawn to continue like this? To evolve into such abominations, capable of rational thought past their own corruption? What’s the point aside from further torture? Those monsters were once our brothers and sisters,” Tristan said, his face contorting with pain as he dropped his head into his palms. Amongst the praying and terrified citizens of Amaranthine, if not for his armor, he would have blended in with them easily, the pain and fear emanating off of him.

    “Warden-Commander,” Anders said, leaning closer, trying to comfort him.

    “Don’t call me that, please Anders, I don’t deserve it,” Tristan said, stiffening under Anders’ hand. Anders paused the gentle motions for a second, there had been a barrier between the two of them ever since their encounter with the Templars trying to recapture Anders, mainly Anders’ own fault, but he hoped he could still mend things.

    “Amell,” Anders said, “You can’t blame yourself for what’s happened. None of us could have known how large the darkspawn’s numbers had gotten. Or, frankly, that they’d gotten bloody smart enough to split up and attack both the Keep and Amaranthine at the same time.” He finished, shrugging his shoulders.

    “I’m supposed to protect these people Anders. I promised to put an end to the darkspawn attacks. They trusted me,” Tristan said, finally lifting his head.

    “Whether you’re supposed to do anything other than keep yourself alive is an argument for another day, Amell. How long have you been a Warden? Just over a year and a half? Who’s really prepared you for this role? Last I saw you, you were barely a junior enchanter in the Circle.

    Then the whole order you got conscripted into, for a ridiculous reason I might add, all got murdered! The only other person who knew what you were going through, just barely your senior, and yet he begs that you take the lead. Which you do, with amazing skill and ability, despite being conditioned your entire life to fear your own power and listen to those older than you for everything. You saved the country, Amell! It’s a matter of scope and looking at this within the frame of the fact that the last two years of your life has been just stress upon stress, you’ve been doing smashingly. Dealing with these things so far out of your control and yet still making time for all of us? You’re astounding Amell,” Anders finished, somewhat surprised by his own vigor.

    “Me? I just did what anyone would do. In Denerim the city had been evacuated as best as it could. There weren’t so many civilians depending on us” Tristan said, looking away, a blush rising in his cheeks. “If any of us is astounding, it’s you for still being here. You could have left whenever, y’know? I just wanted to help keep you from going back to the Circle. You deserve to see the world, go wherever you want, feel the rain on your face,” he said, shocking Anders.

    “I can’t believe you remembered that little rant of mine,” Anders said, looking dazed at Amell.

    “I mean of course I remembered, you were the most intelligent and breathtaking person at the Circle. I always wanted to listen to you. I may have tried being a good Andrastian and believed in the Chant, but if there was anything I knew to be more true than that, it was you,” Amell admitted.

    There was a moment of silence between the two men as Anders absorbed that information and Amell became extremely mortified, realizing what he said.

    “Tristan, I don’t know if this is because I’m flattered, or because we’re in a situation where we might die at any moment, or because I’m realizing how much I admire you, but I’d really like to kiss you if that’s alright?” Anders asked, only slightly nervous, trying to not flirt terribly and ruin the moment.

    “If I had to do a terrible ritual before I thought I was going to die last time, I deserve to have one kiss with the person I’ve had feelings for since I was seventeen,” Tristan said, face flushed completely red, even all the way up to the tips of his ears.

    “Seventeen? Really now?” Anders asked, teasing.

    “Shut up and kiss me before the darkspawn attack,” Tristan grumbled, to which Anders happily complied. Sadly, before Anders could initiate anything more than just a kiss, Nathaniel and Oghren ran towards them, Oghren alerting them to their presence by whooping very loudly. Nathaniel had a slight blush on his face as he told the Warden-Commander that they had found one talking darkspawn near the gates of Amaranthine.

    Tristan ordered the Wardens to prepare themselves, and shooed away Oghren who very loudly told the two men that he’d been waiting for them to stop dancing around each other like “two broncos with their heads in each others asses” for ages. Finally, Anders and Tristan had one last moment together.

    “We’ll talk again about whatever this might be once the darkspawn are dealt with, I promise,” Tristan said, gripping Anders’ hand tightly.

    “You know I’m going to hold you to that Warden-Commander,” Anders said with a wink, before letting go of his hand and turning to join Velanna and Nathaniel, while Tristan took one last look at the altar to Andraste, with its stained glass and holy aura. Oghren wandered back over, to make sure his Commander was ready to go.

    “It doesn’t matter if the Maker or if Andraste were ever real. I never fought for them, I always fought for those I love, my friends, and those who couldn’t fight for themselves. As long as those people were still around, they are the ones who matter,” Tristan said.

    “Hell I could’a told you that one Warden. What, you think we really fought for the literal stone back in Orzammar? Now c’mon, I got a lil nugget to go home to,” Oghren said, slapping Tristan on his lower back.

#tristan #writing #tristan amell #dragon age #anders #dragon age origins #nathaniel howe #dragon age origins awakening #da #daoa #oghren #m!amell #m!amell x anders