#when that is absolutely not the norm across this community

[uncanny-tranny]

you mentioned the "first reansmasc haircut" thing and i gotta say its not just a white thing, i did the same thing lol

I didn't want to be overly presumptuous because hairstyles are incredibly diverse, but... it's nice to know this is a thing we can share regardless of what The Haircut happens to have been 🙏

#ask #anon #trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #i specified race because i think a lot of people think of trans mens'/guys'/mascs'/ect first Masc Haircut to be a white dude's undercut #like you know what i mean right? like short on the bottom and longer on top #when that is absolutely not the norm across this community #like the amount of trans guys* who loc their hair for instance? there's a HELL of a lot of them #and hair can be a VERY important aspect of one's identity with their culture or heritage or gender experience and i want to recognize that #anyway i just love when people style their hair in the way that best honour /them/ and i wanna celebrate that #even IF some of us get a 'weird' haircut because we aren't sure what will honour us yet <3<3 #(i'm not trying to like... defend myself but moreso to expand and clarify for those who don't understand what i was meaning (which is fine!) #i hope the OG post didn't come off as exclusionary though because that was *absolutely* not what i sought out to do

[qcellbit]

meta talk. i don't quite know how to word this properly, but adding french creators to the qsmp is the riskiest thing quackity studios could've done and it doesn't surprise me that the success to which it was executed was minimal.

adding portuguese speaking creators exclusively from brazil as the first batch outside of the initial english and spanish speakers was the perfect "soft expansion" for the server when you consider the reason for the project's conception - because quackity had experienced poor treatment from white americans as a bilingual latino creator and sought to unite his two communities in an empowering way, further expanding this very noble and personal idea to encapsulate all communities and all languages spanning across the entire world. inviting more latino creators who have likely had the same experiences and would be able to appreciate what the project is trying to achieve is a no-brainer.

it's an uncomfortable thing to touch on (which is why i've never, ever, seen it spoken about on this website), but minecraft projects and communities have always had massive problems with all forms of bigotry, but especially racism. white americans and white europeans have probably not felt the euphoria of seeing their culture celebrated in mainstream global entertainment projects as they already absolutely dominate the entertainment industry on a global scale. as someone who is visibly brown and living in europe, i've always got a lot of grief from classmates and co-workers in the form of ignorant jokes and flat out exclusion - it's an unfortunate cultural norm that bleeds into streaming due to the medium's casual and open nature, unnoticed or unchallenged by white viewers who don't want to have to confront a content creator's bigotry in fears of having to stop watching them. something that cannot be ignored by the people it's actually affecting. there is a reason dsmp and hermitcraft cosplay meet ups are dominated by pale skin.

i love the qsmp because its inclusion of latin american creators and quackity's selectiveness based on personal experience have largely (and i do mean largely, not entirely, but that's a discussion for another day) eliminated that problem.

the most prominent and succinct example i can think of is the photo of quackity's bedroom that was mocked countless times by his english speaking community and his bigoted english speaking friends when he streamed on the dsmp - when that photo was brought to the qsmp, forever, a fellow latino creator, was the first person to gently offer solidarity because he had come from the same impoverished latin american background. to me, and to a lot of minorities, that is what the qsmp is about. yeah, sharing languages in a minecraft server is novel, it's a fun way for americans who did poorly in high school to get back into learning spanish, but it stands for so much more when you're a racial minority. when your pleading in the dsmp fandom was drowned out and ignored for the entire duration of its run. when you're completely unrepresented in minecraft tournaments, and when known bigots are encouraged to participate in said tournaments to boost viewership because numbers are paramount. when you are finally seeing your culture appreciated rather than mocked on streams with tens of thousands of viewers all over the world as part of a massive project with a brilliant, engaging story.

it was obviously necessary to branch out of the americas at some point with what the project is attempting to achieve, but such a task is daunting when the next group you're inviting and their community probably do not have the capacity through personal experience to appreciate what the project stands for at its core in the same way the first batches do. can non americans all relate in discussions of the internet and entertainment industry being america and by extension english speaking centric? yeah, of course. but can white europeans relate when the only representation you have in said media revolves around harmful bigoted stereotypes? can there be a quiet solidarity between a white frenchman and a brown brazilian based on experiences with government, racial profiling, and online mockery? no. and in the landscape of livestreaming stupid jokes for entertainment alongside fast paced gameplay, these nuances are probably not going to be acknowledged.

in complete contrast to the solidarity exhibited between quackity and forever when discussing their poverty growing up in latin america, i have not forgotten and never will forget aypierre excusing his constant racist jokes aimed at the brazilians on his uniquely "french dark humour" that the brazilians, hurt by his comments, could "not understand." this is not an excusable cultural difference, but a symptom of white european privilege, and total ignorance towards what the project is meant to stand for. a smooth integration of all the world's cultures necessitates white european and white american introspection in a way that i haven't seen a lot of streamers capable of. admitting fault to such a degree and the ego of a large online personality do not often mesh well.

i'm always very irritated when people (especially english speakers) complain about them not "adding the germans" sooner despite us seeing applications for german speaking admins many months ago - because it would not be a task of simply throwing out server invites to content creators and cobbling together an animation of a submarine crashing into the island. you cannot downplay the ambition of this project and the mammoth task its trying to accomplish. people take for granted and forget that this is an unprecedented melding of cultures that would never otherwise interact and clash on the rare occasions they do. the french qsmp community being small and the french creators largely being outliers when it comes to the qsmp is not something born out of malice or purposeful exclusion, but simply a symptom of an unspoken lack of solidarity and inability to meaningfully relate based on everything from wildly varying privilege to global placement.

and don't get me wrong - i'm not excusing things like the times at which events are broadcast (i literally live in europe and have to stay up until sunrise to see most events, i think the admins do have to bite the bullet and begin structuring events around a new timezone that isn't the globally inconvenient unsustainable PST), or the exclusion of clips from french content creators at the presidential dinner, but i think attributing those admin choices to the brazilian community being unfairly favoured is downplaying what the qsmp as a project means for minorities, especially when the brazilian community receive the most scorn for infamously being the first to call out bigoted behaviour from qsmp content creators. yeah, it sucks that the french haven't slotted into the qsmp as well as the brazilians and aren't anywhere as numerous, but with all these unspoken contributing factors being taken into account, i can't be surprised.

i wish quackity and his team the best in smoothly integrating more languages and cultures in this amazing project in the future, but for the love of god please understand that the implications of this project and its impact are far larger than any streamer "drama" you might've witnessed in the past. and stop underplaying what this project is trying to achieve in an online landscape saturated in bigotry.

#sorry if this is worded weirdly im still recovering from a brain injury. ill fix typos as and when i notice them reading back on this #also dont tag this as discourse because its like.....not. and thats so unhelpful in recognising what im trying to get across #edit: ive seen a few people bringing it up now YES dont worry i am aware that etoiles isnt white thats why i made sure to specify white #when talking about where the issues were coming from #mine #qsmp

[benk625-blog]

The New Gods

“I vote against Contact.” Nordrix said with a heavy sigh.

“This is unprecedented.” Andrynn sputtered. “In all my years of surveying unaligned civilizations. I’ve never heard a concern from Cultural Studies. Economics and Warfare tend to quash admittance to the Interstellar Union.”

“I am aware.” Nordrix replied. “I did not come to this conclusion easily or lightly. My full and thorough report will be available soon.”

“Can you summarize for the committee?” Asked Gr’chykk of Warfare. “These deathworlders would formidable foes to the IU. If First Contact is handled properly, they could instead become our allies.”

“First Contact is inevitable.” Hypool of Science added. “They are on the verge of developing FTL transport and communication.”

“In my full report I strongly argue for Interdiction.” Nordrix answered. He wished they would just read the report. Confrontation made him uncomfortable.

“Unacceptable!” Screeched Smathley of Economics “I have never seen such a potential for mutually beneficial trade. I demand a preliminary summary this instant.”

It was unavoidable now. Nordrix was prepared for this demand. He stood up and prepared his files and notes to be displayed to the Contact committee. It would have to be a convincing argument and be made succinctly.

“My area of expertise is comparative religion. Specifically, I analyze cultures through the lens of what abstract concepts they deify. Certain motifs are repeated in each and every member culture in the IU. Gods of warfare, natural cycles and bountiful harvest are universal. This is apparent to most people without the academic knowledge I hold. May I assume that as given?” His colleagues agreed.

“Humans have an archetype previously unknown in the IU. They call this god-type ‘The Trickster.’ It occurs through out the cultures of this planet. The Trickster is hall marked by cleverness, deception and transgression of the taboo. So far, I have not discovered a major religion that centralizes this figure. Despite that, I have found that Trickster behavior is endemic to human society.

“If humans were to enter the Interstellar Union, they would unleash chaos and anarchy on our society. The number of words and phrases they have dedicated to untruths are staggering. It is routinely accepted that contracts will be voided, treaties broken and objective facts can be ignored.

“Culturally normative behavior is a paradox to them. It is expected that during their maturity that youths will violate customs, taboos and laws. As human adults attain maturity, they will begin to enforce the social values they ignored only a few years previous. When they become elders, they will mourn a false past that exists only in their imagination.

“Worst of all, they constantly improve on these techniques. If a human practices deception with innovation and novelty, they will usually do not face consequences. Legal systems seem designed to malfunction in this exact way. Social approval is similarly fickle. There is absolutely no standard for when a behavior is praised, normalized, politely ignored, forbidden or condemned.

“Here are some specific exam-“ Nordrix stopped talking as the audio-visual broadcast system seemed to go haywire. A rapid series of painted images flickered, creating the illusion of movement. He knew these were called cartoons. Loud, instrumental, march music assailed the sound wave receptors of the committee. A man in a green out fit wearing a horned crown laughed. A robed woman threw a golden apple. A monkey rampaged across a banquet table eating everything in sight. Spiders, crows, raccoons and coyotes in a parade.

The last image was a grey rabbit, standing on its hind legs holding carrot in a gloved hand.

“Nyaaaaaaa, What’s up doc?”

Humans had made First Contact.

#humans are deathworlders #humans are space orcs #humans are space oddities #humans are aliens #humans are confusing #humans are silly #humans are space australians

[catgirlbussy]

im gonna do a lil sadpost, as a treat. if u dun wanna read that or interact or anything there's no harm done <3 it kinda feels nice sayin stuff into the void tbh, cause i know as i look out ill always see myself at minimum, and im still thankful. im alive. if someone can relate or whatever then thats a neat bonus ★

I'm not super sure how to formulate these thoughts, cause lots of it is just incompressible /feeling/. I've been on HRT for close to two years now, and modifying my internal physical landscape alongside the work I put in with the ways I've learned sharing benefit so far, like therapy and self-directed exploration of my emotions and the simple but vital practice of being more open with others about how I'm feeling, has uncovered a lot.

It's been overwhelmingly positive in so many ways. I don't have any regrets for starting this set of changes, even with full knowledge of the difficulties I've had rise as a result and that more are on the horizon, and also full awareness in that I will need to continue putting in the *good* work to care for myself and learn how to navigate the parts in my mind I'd kept hidden or obscured for so long. It's not /bad/, I feel so grateful to have this opportunity at all and I feel bounteous joys in this trove of beautiful experiences that, up 'till not too long ago, I never thought I'd be able to experience -- though I absolutely still dreamed of having them so vividly.

I have a lot of good graces in my life re: my transition. In a lot of ways I feel I've been exceedingly lucky. Canada has its fair share of problems without a doubt, but I also know full well there are a lot more places on our planet where it's much more difficult to be openly trans, let alone dangerous or lethal. I don't take that as an opportunity to rest, either, because having cracks forming in the firmament, letting in light to my dream of a world where trans experiences are accepted (and to note most thoroughly, I'm learning more of a lot of cultures in days gone by, /including some aspects of my own heritage/, having extended gender representations ingrained in their societal norms, some as far even to revere the dynamic and unique experience of existing beyond the gender binary in whatever way they saw as such) for **everyone** spurs in me an even deeper and impassioned drive to work in the ways I'm able to foster communication and connection while rebuking hostility so more and more beautiful, valid trans folks can experience respite and respect and safety as well.

I'm not wanting necessarily to change minds and upend the posture of society with this particular post, though, and so I hope you'll forgive me in my expressing my small, localised set of emotions in this moment. At the root of everything I experience I'm starting to get better at reminding myself that I'm a valid *individual person* in addition to being a contributor in the push for good and kindness for all.

It's probably telling that I feel the need to offer ~4 paragraphs as a disclaimer that I spend time learning about the global scale and am effortful in enacting progress there before just getting on with what I'm even feeling sad about. I don't see myself as a holy martyr for being nervous about expressing myself, but it seems more and more common evidently rather than by my hypothesis alone that many trans individuals would get by prior to exploring their gendered identity with burgeoning self-acceptance with a marked self-exclusionary behaviour when it came to opening themselves to emotional experience, regardless of any given instance being gendered or not. Until it becomes unmanageable, it feels easier to lock away senses of joy, sadness, etc. cause you can keep gettin on by in a sort of functional state and you tell yourself thats enough.

This is far from the worst thing I've come across so far, but I am feeling confused and the confusion is unique in its own way to the extent that I'm not even able to pin down how I /feel/ about feeling it. At its heart I can't seem to muster the right formulation of words to explain to others these particular experiences I'm having in my transition. Painting in broad strokes can be such disservice to the nuance for any individual's cluster of experiences, but tumblr if anything *for me* has brought much happiness in finding threads of commonality with others. Stark contrasts to my feelings of loneliness and seclusion from the world around me give me so much hope. I'm writing this partly in hopes that there is another one of those threads people might appreciate seeing. I do more than my fair share of journaling, but this one feels special and worth sharing right now, and so decadently I write these words for a community beyond myself.

To be blunted, perhaps I might phrase it by saying 'i feel sad about being happy.' It's that sort of absurdist perspective that helps me wrap my head around it a little better with how little sense it makes to my normal machinations. I'm not sad that I am having these new and thrilling experiences of adding or or changing parts of myself to live in the way I best see fit for who I am, but I feel sad because I don't know how to.

I get locked up at the slightest things. Someone compliments my nails, and its so hard to communicate efficiently the impossibly depthed importance this literally surficial act has for me. They aren't even painted well, but I painted them /myself/, I felt catharsis in exploring my love of artistic expression in the choice of colours, I rode high on the thrill of watching this new skill form in my own hands. The coat is uneven and I can't quite keep myself from getting knicks in places as they dry yet and I'm still practicing the nail care associated with maintaining healthy and resilient nails, but if I can be so bold to say, god forbid women do anything.

This person obviously wasn't chastising me for partaking in a traditionally "femininely-associated act", let alone that so thoroughly most things people take for gendered in no way innately are, the whole binary supposition is a damned myth. But because of how I was brought up and the mindset I was taught to have before I fought to think for myself instead, this was a joy I'd always admired but felt I was abhorrent for wanting to partake in. Absolutely anyone who feels otherwise can irrevocably go fuck themselves if they aren't willing to examine the falsity of the foundational thoughts they 'think' they have leading them to ever want someone to abstain from such a viscerally unobstructive and innocuous form of self exploration and creativity bexause it's "for girls". This goes for anything. For anyone. Idc who you are or what label you wanna use at any given moment, go explore. Live life. God fuck do we need people to just experience joy in some ways so we aren't so incorrigible and hostile towards eachother.

But you don't stop whoever took 15 seconds out of their say to mention to you they like the colour and wanted you to know to discurse at length upon the structural bastardisation of who people are allowed to be, cause more than any of that I just want to feel happy about it.

I literally stutter out whatever form of thanks my malformed emotionally-communicative faculties can muster in this surprise and try not to start sobbing in the grocery store aisle or whatever. It's so /good/, and it's so frustrating that I don't even know how to just process and appreciate that it is.

I was so much an absentee in my own bodied self that I could not fathom an understanding of what gender euphoria was until it snuck up smashed me in the teeth. I didn't have any basis of understanding for what it was really like to be happy about some part of myself.

Despite my loneliness I have still had the experiences of friendships, people caring about me, and relationships where a partner genuinely appreciated parts of me, physical, mental, emotional, whatever. More now than ever I am having those experiences as I learn to come out of my cloister inside my head. But this time I'm not just numb to everything. Sure, as I'm learning to not just be unilaterally numb until my bastion of self-isolation fails and I break there is abundance of pain, but the pain I honestly prefer. It's more vivid than it's ever been before, but I can benchmark that I'm still alive by its contrast to neutrality. It's familiar, and my mechanisms of clutching my emotions into my soul can still carry me forward as I try to figure things out. But fuck me is it ever hard to have a happy experience and not know how to communicate that it tore my sense of stability in those moments to shreds. To lose the composure that carried me for so many years because someone sought to share something with me they thought I'd appreciate because they care about me feels so counterproductive to just enjoying the absolute gift that experience is.

Abstractly, as I'm wont to do to a remarkably self-apparent fault, I can tell myself that these things take time. Human emotion is so complex, and its panoply of shifting lights glinting as the facets move their positioning relative to the light of being alive is what drives me to do art, and it always has been, contradictory so fully to my desire to lock everything away. I can't circumnavigate multiple decades of trauma and be free and unfettered in my senses in an instant just because I'm aware it's possible. And so I try so fucking hard not to just sit down and cry in that grocery store aisle, cause it hurts so bad to be happy.

How dare I find glints of good in the polluted landscape we live in. But that mindset helps nothing. People striving to live amidst turmoil is what makes life worth living. There will always be strife, but there will always be the possibility for hope alongside it.

Without fail, each night I'll self-soothe myself into a mode of somewhat-restfulness imagining what it would be like to trust myself enough to be imperfect and let someone hold me. It's the only thing I do anymore. It even backfires sometimes and I just waking-dream my way through countless blissful scenarios about what it would be like if that cute girl I've been starting to become friends with mentioned she wanted to hold my hand for hours until the sun comes up and I know I won't have any sleep at all. It's so goddamn worth it. I revel in it, because at least in the theatre of my mind I can find small ways of letting myself feel those joys. They aren't really happening. It's my own hand rubbing a thumb gently along my collarbone in a faux affection. But it's the only way I've found that's not so obstructively blinding in intensity for me to practice what it would be like to be close to others.

I still lose my sense of self so often. I find bruises from where I bumped into things and wholesale didn't notice until the tiredness sets in and I can't autonomously ignore how sore I am. I dive effortlessly into the placid waters of dissociation when someone gives me a hug, despite that being what I have dreamed of for so many years during my self-imposed isolation. Someone tells me they like an art piece I've made and I stopper any sense of pride or appreciation for their kind words despite pouring however much time channeling my slowly uncoiling understanding of reality into every particle of it and wishing that my experiences could convey any amount of any feeling whatsoever to another living being with the entirely selfish act of wanting that I feel like I had a real connection.

I can't get by with chainsmoking and shelf-set pain medications and blind ignorance any more. I can't ignore how badly I want to feel. I am figuring it out instant by instant and it scares me horribly. One day my yearnings for closeness will be actualised because I'll be ready to open when they come. My selfsense-extracted mutterings of the hypothetical joys of being pressed down into sheets and kissed because someone deigned to gift me with attention for they hold appreciation of this newly forming, ill-configured, but ultimately revelatory feminine self I'm becoming will no longer be fiction and prose but the rawness of experience that I, once, and then more, can lose myself into without terror thay I'm inadequate and never truly worth it. Someone will touch my breasts and love me for loving them myself and I'll give in to the annihilating instant where I am no longer a sense of self but just am. This body is not me but my, and I will scrape and fight however I can muster to live vicariously thru it because that is what I am meant to do by being here alive at all. If anything ever again I want to feel what love is like.

I'm not even reading this back to see if it conveys properly let alone makes sense at all. I'm exhausted and in so much pain. If you read this, thanks, and, if you can, go hug someone you love today.

#acceptance #love #kindness #affection #expression #long post #tldr #hope #trans #transgender #trans femme #trans girl #transition #hrt #hormones #mtf #pride #self love

[centrally-unplanned]

I love deconstructing 'lifestyle' articles like these, they are such a gold mine of biases and narrative formation by the chattering classes. Here we have a wonderful premise:

Now, Ms. Margo is living a dream of many American women who are seeking relationships abroad, some of whom cite the toxic dating scene in the United States

Well, no objection from me that the US has toxic dating norms. But, hm, idk, 'many women' - is this a true trend amoung the American Female? Lets see who this article features:

Ms. Margo fell in love with the city (and its men). She found a gig teaching English in Paris and moved there after she graduated from Sarah Lawrence College in May 2019.

Okay, not *that* crazy but I do think I know what kind of Sarah Lawrence grad gap years in Paris before her law degree;

For Cindy Sheahan...At the end of 2017, she quit her job and traveled throughout Southeast Asia for leisure, and she started using Tinder.

That isn't...most people can't list as their full time job "Dating in Thailand";

For Frantzces Lys...she started a podcast called “Chronicles Abroad” with her co-host, who had met Ms. Williams, 40, in Malaysia. In 2018, Ms. Lys interviewed Ms. Williams, the founder of a consultancy, and the two kept in touch. They started dating years later.

Oh yeah the extremely relatable situation of a podcast host and boutique consultancy founder travelling to Mayalsia!!

“When you decide to just live your life for yourself, you actually end up stumbling upon people that match your energy and the same ideals and values,” said Ms. Lys, a 42-year-old founder of a wellness company.

Oh a wellness company, who hasn't founded one of those!!! And a link to their company, wow thanks NYT, that was definitely gonna be my follow-up for Ms. Lys:

Cepee Tabibian, who moved to Madrid at 35 from Austin, Texas, felt similarly.

Okay that could be normal, what do she d-

In 2020, she met her partner, who is Spanish. Now, she is the founder of She Hit Refresh, a community that helps women over the age of 30 move to a different country.

Jesus fucking Christ none of these people are real. They are full-hog in the industry of packaging and selling their Life of Insight & Discovery for $500 an hour over zoom sessions to non profits hosting leadership seminars, their dating isn't dating its brand management. I don't doubt they authentically love their life but this, shockingly, is not a trend, is not a sample, is not ethnographic data, this is an ad buy by a sliver of globe-trotting wealthy woman masquerading as journalism.

Absolutely the only relatable person is:

Alexis Brown, for example, noticed a lack of “effort and intention” from the men she was dating in Atlanta, where she attended Spelman College.

When she traveled across Europe for vacation from October 2022 to January 2023, however, the people she dated made it clear that they wanted to spend time with her.

Who takes way more words than is necessary to tell me she had a polycule stretching from Paris to Prague during her study abroad, which, good for her, that is what study abroad is for. Shockingly, this is not a new development in the collegiate experience!

Buried amoung the branded bullshit is Alexis's real gem and the only true 'thesis' of the article:

“The dating culture in the U.S. is that it’s cool and normalized to be indifferent to someone and not really express how you genuinely feel,” Ms. Brown, 23, said.

Which is essentially that in Europe people will "express emotion" unlike the cold, busy America. I don't doubt this, but I would hope a writer at the NYT's could have slightly more social awareness; the 'reason' Americans do not "express emotion" is that if they did you would dump them right on their ass on the first date.

Someone telling you, to quote Ms Margo:

“This one guy was like, ‘I ran through traffic just to look into your eyes once, and if you don’t want to go on a date with me, I can die happy knowing that I just met you,’” said Ms. Margo, a 28-year-old English teacher from Los Angeles.

As an opening line is cringe and uncomfortable, because they do not know you. They are lying and you know they are lying, it is a horrible foundation for a long term relationship. American dating norms have been hammering this lesson home on every participant (but if we are being honest, its primarily women hammering this home on men) and it is probably right to do. Anyone who does this lacks credibility.

But when you are in ~*Paris*~, you don't care about their credibility, because you lack it yourself. You are on vacation, you have no future, just a sequential present. If the guy who tells you your eyes are his world turns out to be a clingy failson who requires at least a blowjob a day to keep his mood stable, you can just *get up and leave the country*, you cannot be trapped because nothing is keeping you there. By placing an ocean between yourself and your social standing you can radically change your standards.

And you know what, there is something to that! Maybe the 18-point-checklist you mentally process every Tinder swipe through as you plan out your dream wedding on Cape Cod to a status-swollen ghost in a Tom Ford speckle-gray blazer while on lunch break from your quant analysis job at a digital marketing start-up in Chelsea isn't the best baggage to bring into a first date! Through radically shifting your social context it might be possible to jar your brain out of what is holding it back. Its not what you found in Paris, but what you left behind in America, that could actually make a difference... and that reality could give this article some heft.

But then say that instead of trying to sell me on the idea that:

For Ms. Margo, a Black woman who attended predominantly white institutions throughout her school years, she felt ignored in the United States, as if she “was not an option,” she said. In Paris she felt seen.

France is less racist than the campus of Sarah Fucking Lawrence against black people. No wonder the humanities are dying if they are teaching this level of self awareness.

#haven't stretched that Last Psychiatrist muscle in a while - good times #mini-essay

[drdemonprince]

Hey Doc, any advice on how to determine at what point something crosses the line from me struggling with nueroconforming communication and becomes discrimination?

Context:

I'm out trans at work but have not disclosed my autism. I am constantly getting tone-policed and told I don't communicate well. I keep implementing feedback and communicating as clearly as I can with the criteria I am given, and I keep getting ignored.

When I'm blunt I'm told I am being harsh and need to be softer. When I'm soft I'm told I need to be more blunt to get my point across. When I'm detailed in asking for something I'm told I need to be more brief if I want people to actually read my requests. When I'm brief my requests are ignored entirely and unless I produce screenshots or email chains I'm told I never asked at all. ETC. No matter what I get ignored until the minor issue I was flagging becomes a huge emergency, and then I am asked why I did not say anything sooner.

While this pattern of being ignored has happened to me many times at past workplaces, there were never complaints about my communication skills when I was closeted and boymoding, people just admitted they ignored me and it was their fault. However this is with a new company than the one I worked at before I was out so I'm having a hard time telling if I'm being fucked with for being trans or if this is just the "normal" 'tism office experience but the blame is being shifted to me at this new place. I want to take feedback and learn to be a clearer communicator but starting to feel like my communication is not the issue.

Note: this is not a sexism thing because I have two coworkers and one supervisor who are cis women that do not have this problem, everyone listens to them.

Thanks so much, been pulling my hair out over this for a year now and feel like I'm going crazy.

This is a very, very common experience for trans femme people -- and it is absolutely caused by transmisogyny. I have noticed that trans women truly cannot win. When they explain information carefully to try and educate others, they are accused of being condescending, inaccessible, and difficult to understand. When they cease trying to be heard by people who willfully refuse to hear them, they get criticized for not being approachable or a team player. They're penalized for assertiveness, being told that it's too masculine, and then if they're passive, they get completely ignored.

You are not crazy. You are not making the wrong choice or communicating poorly. You are being targeted by a pervasive systemic bias, and there's probably very little that you could do to make it not happen to you.

A friend of mine once told me that when they were in kind of an awkward-feeling phase of their transition, people suddenly stopped laughing at their jokes. Cashiers, coworkers, random acquaintances at parties, and other people they had easily charmed in the past would suddenly react as if they were not there. Instead of even acknowledging their remarks, my friend was met with a completely neutral stone-faced expression.

For my friend, this phase eventually dissipated and their transition progressed and they arrived at a place where they felt more comfortable and other people found them easier to read by binary, cissexist norms. They still had to deal with sexism in their highly male-dominated workplace, but after a certain point, they became an acknowledgeable human again.

This wasn't about passing as cis, not exactly anyway, because my friend actually never passed as cis ever in their life, not even before their transition. But it was about legibility and their social positioning as a trans femme. When their transition was obviously a thing that was happening but which cis people didn't know how to read or respect, my friend dealt with the full force of transphobic prejudice, and it did ebb a bit once they arrived at a place where they were both more comfortable in themselves, and (probably more importantly, unfortunately) other people were more comfortable with them. The best way I can explain it, from what they told me, was that it was a combination of transmisogyny and hatred of nonbinary and gender-nonconforming people.

It was horrific and unfair that they had to pass through that, and of course many nonbinary and trans femme people live in that area of dehumanization and isolation for all of their lives. But I felt that was a worthwhile anecdote to add, because in some ways it has some parallels to what is happening to you. It might be that gradually people start treating you better, in line with more everyday workplace sexism, as I've witnessed many trans femme people eventually get professionally slotted into a more collectively accepted feminine role after being disrespected for many months or even years. But it does not always happen either, and even when it does, it was after enduring a ton of abuse and learning how tentative people's acceptance always really was -- and there's no unknowing that and unliving it once you have.

I think the workplace culture that you're in is treating you in an unacceptable way, and that you've already tried far more than you should have to in trying to make yourself legible to them. I don't have high hopes that anything you do could have the power to shift this toxically transmisogynistic culture. It's not how you are communicating, it's not how you look, it's not because you're Autistic, it's not because you're a woman -- it's because they are transmisogynistic and are penalizing you for their discomfort and lack of communication skills.

You can, I think, absolve yourself of any feelings of responsibility for managing how other people react to you. Hope can sometimes be a poison that we keep drinking over and over again, believing that we have control over whether or not it will harm us. It's okay to accept instead that nothing good will come of drawing from that well, and choosing not to imbibe it.

The choice for you, then, is how best to survive in an environment where you are treated this way. What can you do to document that you are performing the work as asked? Can you request examples or templates of 'correctly' done work, or explanations, so that you can point out that you are meeting expectations as they have been outlined? Are there people at work who have been treated unfairly too, whom you can communicate with?

(Transmisogyny, I have noticed, often parallels anti-Blackness in certain mechanisms that it uses. Many Black people are accused of being "confusing" to understand when they try to explain basic experiences of bias, or are seen as too "hostile" in similar ways, particularly Black women, and sometimes community can be built along those or other lines. If you have a union, I would certainly consider speaking to union leadership about this if you trust them. Be careful in how you go about agitating against pervasive problems like these at work -- the messenger is frequently punished. But, you might find some solace and some possibility of a culture change in the long-term if it is fought for alongside comrades rather than alone.)

Realistically, you will probably need to build an escape route for yourself. Whether that's by psychologically detaching from your workplace as much as possible, letting them fail for having not listened to you, and finding your belonging elsewhere, or whether that's by finding another job or quitting is for you to decide. I wish the options were better, but I think taking honest stock of what the problem is and accepting that it's not a social dynamic that you have the power to correct can be clarifying, at least. I hope people with similar experiences will sound off in the comments with advice or validation.

Best of luck, and I'm so sorry this is happening. Please keep me updated on what ends up working best for you.

[plutosmainhoe]

☾ Aquarius Moon Tings ☽

Just some observations I have picked up along the way as a 4H Aquarius Moon that married a 12H Aquarius Moon

🚨 By no means am I an astrologer. Please take this with a grain of salt 🚨

🌙 IMO most people know that natal Aquarius Moons don't acknowledge their feelings and emotions very well; But it's much more than that. From what I have seen, they understand their emotions, they just don't process them. Aqua Moons are very good at analysing situations but it only extends to there. If a negative situation occurs, they are likely to analyse and move on and not dwell on the situation.

🌙 Relationship with their mother is strange; depending on aspects ofc. Though, looking away from aspects, I've noticed that Aqua moons tend to have an okay relationship with their mother, it is just complicated and inconsistent. They often want to seperate themselves from their mother figure yet continue a low-key relationship with them. Most rebellion forms from the connection to their Mother.

🌙 Aqua Moons have a thing for music, I swear. It is such a big part of their lives. And it's not to just enjoy the music they listen to, it is how they openly express their emotions. I can give you a song based on how I feel towards my mother, but I absolutely cannot tell you how I feel about her through my own emotions.

🌙 It is awkward talking about emotions, most Aqua moons I have met don't really have the tolerance for sympathy/empathy? i.e. I have a Cancer Venus, I am very compassionate and I have a lot of love to give, but fuck I don't want to hear about how bad your week has been, idk how to fix it for you.

🌙 Depending on their Mercury sign/aspects to mercury, an evolved Aqua Moon can definitely process and communicate their emotions effectively; they just need to evolve first. My husband, 12H Aqua Moon trine 9H Libra Mercury, is bloody awesome at discussing his emotions. I, on the other hand; 4H Aqua Moon non-aspecting 8H Gemini Mercury, am horrid at discussing and processing my emotions and tend to avoid it most of the time (bcos I'm un-evolved asf)

🌙 Adding to above ↑ Just because you have evolved doesn't mean you will magically process your emotions each time. Aqua Moons have a habit of living in their head, though they analyse and move on, they can tend to overthink.

🌙 Definitely have a 'I don't fucking care' or 'Whatever' vibe. It can be hard to connect to Aqua Moons because of this. They can be very straightforward and direct (remember, they display sympathy/empathy weirdly), I wouldn't suggest looking for emotional advise from an Aquarius Moon.

🌙 They be old souls 100%. Old movies, music, tv shows, clothing. Or they may have very different tastes in these aspects to the norm. Aquarius being eccentric, free and rebellious, it is unlikely you will find an Aqua Moon that has the same interests as society (or any Aquarius placement for that matter, my Aqua Sun dad is WILD. He is so fucking weird ilhsm)

🌙 I just want to talk about the 4H for a minute, because I haven't read much on this placement regarding an Aqua Moon. I have 4H Aquarius Moon, Uranus, SN, I/C (ofc) and 3H Aqua Neptune - all conjunct to each other (help). Let me tell you, when I say my upbringing was unconventional, it was fucking unconventional. ☾ I was always travelling, whether it was to family 30mins away or across the country; We were never really at home, always doing something (perks of having a Sagg mum ig) ☾ Traditions are very important, as well as ties to home. However, though these are important to my family, I would prefer to break from these chains (Moon conjunct Uranus) ☾ speaking on my 4H Moon/Uranus friends, how much does it suck that we have to be the ones to break ancestral generational curses? ☾ Black sheep of the family vibes - I constantly fight with my mother about the standards she sets for me and the standards she sets for my sister. (Thnx 3H Neptune conjunct 4H Moon 🖤) ☾ Definitely have a high chance of leaving home young - They seek freedom and being tied to home is not free; especially if there are harsh aspects to the Moon. Using my 4H placements, I left home at 19. ☾ Pluto aspects are super interesting when the Aqua Moon is in the 4H. Depending the aspect, natives can either face easy transformations to their emotions regarding home life/mother/emotions, or it can be super difficult. Mine is sextile Pluto; I am really good a reading emotional atmosphere changes and can pinpoint when a change is happening with my emotions internally. Harder aspects (Square, Opposition, Conjunct) will make it difficult to understand when a transformation in atmosphere/emotions is present.

🌙 Notice how Aqua Moons have a small, tight group of friends; no matter their Sun sign? I've noticed it is because the people they pick to become close friends with have something to give emotionally. We don't understand our emotions, but someone else does. You could have a Gemini/Sagittarius Sun and have a massive group of friends, but if you have an Aqua Moon alongside this, you will likely have a large group of friends, but a select few that you actually connect well with.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed! ~PMH 🍃

#aquarius #aqua moon #aquarius moon #moon signs #astro placements #astro observations #astro community #astro notes #astrology #moon #astrology notes #astrology observations #astrology tumblr

[thenightfolknetwork]

So I'm a member of a genus known for our... fertility, shall we say? And our lagamorphic ears. And that's all very well and good except that I'm asexual. And I keep getting disbelief from *everywhere*. Sapios, nightfolk, my own family. I wear flag pins and the like but someone looks at them, then my ears, and goes back to the "breeding like rabbits" comments. How can I deal with this?

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this kind of harmful ignorance, reader. Not only is it profoundly insulting for you as an individual, it also demonstrates a profound disrespect for your genus as a whole.

Your genus may have expectations around reproduction that differ from the majority – or, more likely, that differ from the sapio “norm”. These expectations may be rooted in your different biology or in how your culture approaches sex and child-rearing – or, more likely, in both.

But an expectation is no more prescriptive than an average. Statistically speaking, the average person in the UK has brown hair. It does not follow that one should find it remarkable to come across someone who does not.

How you deal with this issue depends on the context of when and where these comments take place, and what your relationship is with the person making them. Your safety is paramount above all, and if the situation is one where it is unsafe to push back, know that you are doing absolutely the right thing by protecting yourself.

If you do feel able to respond and have the energy and will to do so, remember to stay calm and don't let the other person derail the conversation with their own hurt feelings. Nobody likes to be told they've done something inappropriate or accidentally been offensive. But it's not your job to hold their hand through their emotional response.

Be clear and to the point. You will need to put this into your own words and find a way of expressing it that feels comfortable to you, but the gist of what you're telling them should be, “When you make jokes like that, it feels like you don't respect my identity as an asexual person or as a person my genus. I want you to apologise, and refrain from making such comments in the future.”

Each part of the statement is important. First, you identify the problematic behaviour. It's not that they are an offensive person inherently – it's that they are behaving badly in this instance. Second, you explain why it is offensive and on what counts. Finally, you offer them a way to make amends.

Once you've said your piece, the rest is up to them. They can either apologise and move on, or have a temper tantrum. If they choose the latter, simply disengage. There is no point talking to them until they've calmed down enough to behave properly.

Above all, reader, know that the problem lies with them. They are responsible for their own ignorance and for their own behaviour. All you can do is communicate your needs and boundaries, and treat yourself with the respect and dignity you deserve.

If others are unable or unwilling to do the same, draw a line under it and know that this is not someone who deserves your time, energy, or emotional investment.

#answered #the nightfolk network #monstrous agonies

[that-cunning-witch]

this is probably a very dumb question so im sorry in advance: but for praying to the Gods, is making khernip & the barley stuff absolutely necessary? is it vital? istg ill do more research but right now im just very confused haha

Here's the interesting thing: khernips and its use in modern Hellenic Polytheism isn't entirely "correct" (I don't like using this term in this context but I cannot for the life of me think of a better term atm).

Fel the Blithe explains this very well in their Purification & Cleanliness video, but I'll give the general gist here.

Khernips/lustral water was indeed a thing, just not how we view it. We tend to think of it as either burning something and extinguishing it in clean water while saying a prayer, or alternatively gathering sea water or making salt ("sea") water by adding salt to clean water. But the reality is that historians and archaeologists can't come to an agreement due to insufficient evidence as to what this water was for absolute certainty.

One source talks about khernips as we know it but even then the passage itself is iffy. Greek Religion by Walter Burkhert is viewed as a generally good source by most in the helpol community. I haven't fully read it yet so I cannot give my own opinion on it. But, here is what he had to say about lustral water:

"There is no consecration of the water, but often it must be drawn from a particular source... Occasionally, the water must be fetched from further afield, from an ever-flowing spring or from the always powerful sea... The purifying power of fire is joined to the power of water when a log is taken from the altar fire dipped in water and used to sprinkle the sanctuary, altar and participants."

Is this universal? Is this just from one city or temple? Was this the norm or only for a specific ritual or festival? Who knows!

So, what does this mean today? This doesn't negate khernips as we know it as invalid. After all, it is technically historical. However, we can't say for certain that it was the common person's method of cleansing before prayer, ritual, offering, etc. all across Ancient Greece.

Another method of cleansing one's self via water is spring water or water from a flowing river. In Ancient Greece, it was expected of one to cleanse, pray, and give an offering to the god presiding over the river that the person is about to cross. And they cleansed themselves with the water from the river.

Keep in mind that times were different. The concept of clean water was very different to us now. In today's time, clean water is a given and typically easily accessible (there are, of course, exceptions, but in comparison to hundreds of years ago, it's safe to make this general statement).

All of this to say, taking a shower, washing your hands in tap water, or splashing your face with it can be and is just as cleansing as khernips/lustral water because technically it is lustral water. If we're defining lustral water as clean water, then yeah, tap water from the sink or filtered water from a water dispenser is absolutely lustral and therefore spiritually cleansing!

But as for its use, cleansing yourself is typically a requirement before approaching the gods. Of course, there are exceptions, both modern and historical. There are plenty of mythos that show someone in desperate times praying without doing the proper ritual of the time (cleansing, offering, etc.). But overall, it is considered vital to be clean before the gods.

However, I don't really know what you're referring to when you say "barley stuff". Are you talking about Zeos Ktesios and the corresponding vase/container?

TLDR: "is making khernips absolutely neccessary?" is kind of two questions: is khernips itself necessary and is making a cleansing water to cleanse with before approaching the gods necessary. No to the first, yes to the second. But "making" a cleansing water is as easy as collecting tap water or filtered water. Whenever I'm about to approach the gods, I cleanse my hands with water (just water usually) before putting some of the water on my face as well. Hope this helped, anon!

#ask #anon #helpol #hellenic polytheism #hellenic polytheist #hellenic paganism #pagan #paganblr #witch #witchcraft #magic #witchblr #khernips #lustral water

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Nicole Brockbank, Angelina King

Published: Sep 13, 2023

Harry Potter, The Hunger Games and Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry.

Those are all examples of books Reina Takata says she can no longer find in her public high school library in Mississauga, Ont., which she visits on her lunch hour most days.

In May, Takata says the shelves at Erindale Secondary School were full of books, but she noticed that they had gradually started to disappear. When she returned to school this fall, things were more stark.

"This year, I came into my school library and there are rows and rows of empty shelves with absolutely no books," said Takata, who started Grade 10 last week. 

She estimates more than 50 per cent of her school's library books are gone. 

In the spring, Takata says students were told by staff that "if the shelves look emptier right now it's because we have to remove all books [published] prior to 2008." 

Takata is one of several Peel District School Board (PDSB) students, parents and community members CBC Toronto spoke to who are concerned about a seemingly inconsistent approach to a new equity-based book weeding process implemented by the board last spring in response to a provincial directive from the Minister of Education. 

They say the new process, intended to ensure library books are inclusive, appears to have led some schools to remove thousands of books solely because they were published in 2008 or earlier.

Parents and students are looking for answers as to why this happened, and what the board plans to do moving forward.

Prior to publication, neither Ontario Education Minister Stephen Lecce's office, nor the Education Ministry, would comment on PDSB's implementation of Lecce's directive when contacted by CBC Toronto.

But in a statement Wednesday, the education minister said he has written to the board to immediately end this practice. 

"Ontario is committed to ensuring that the addition of new books better reflects the rich diversity of our communities," said Lecce. 

"It is offensive, illogical and counterintuitive to remove books from years past that educate students on Canada's history, antisemitism or celebrated literary classics."

Weeding books by publication date raises concerns

The process of weeding books from a library isn't new.

Libraries across the country follow weeding plans to dispose of damaged, mouldy and outdated books and to ensure their collections remain a trusted source of current information.

But Takata, who is of Japanese descent, is concerned weeding by publication date doesn't follow that norm and will erase important history.

"I think that authors who wrote about Japanese internment camps are going to be erased and the entire events that went on historically for Japanese Canadians are going to be removed," she said.  

"That worries me a lot."

Libraries not Landfills, a group of parents, retired teachers and community members says it supports standard weeding, but shares Takata's concerns about both fiction and nonfiction books being removed based solely on their publication date.

The group is also concerned about how subjective criteria like inclusivity will be interpreted from school to school in the later stages of the equity-based weeding process.

Tom Ellard, a PDSB parent and the founder of Libraries not Landfills, said teachers reached out to them to help raise awareness about the weeding process.

"Who's the arbiter of what's the right material to go in the library, and who's the arbiter of what's wrong in our libraries? That's unclear," he said. "It's not clear to the teachers who've provided us this material, and it's not clear to me as a parent or as a taxpayer."

Ellard says he's talked to the parent council, his son's principal and his school board trustee. He's also contacted members of the provincial government, but says he hasn't received a substantial response about what happened in the spring and how the process is intended to work.

School board defends process

CBC Toronto requested an interview with the PDSB to discuss how the weeding process works and how the board plans to proceed in the wake of concerns from parents and students. A spokesperson said staff were not available to speak as they were "focusing on students and school families this week." 

The board did not address questions about empty shelves, the volume of books removed and reports about weeding books based on the date of publication.

Instead, the board issued statements explaining that the process of weeding books from school libraries was completed in June and has always been a part of teacher librarian responsibilities within PDSB and at school boards across the country.

"Books published prior to 2008 that are damaged, inaccurate, or do not have strong circulation data (are not being checked out by students) are removed," said the board in its statement. 

If damaged books have strong circulation the board says they can be replaced regardless of publication date, and older titles can stay in the collection if they are "accurate, serve the curriculum, align with board initiatives and are responsive to student interest and engagement."

"The Peel District School Board works to ensure that the books available in our school libraries are culturally responsive, relevant, inclusive, and reflective of the diversity of our school communities and the broader society," said the board.

Weeding a response to minister's directive

CBC Toronto reviewed a copy of the internal PDSB documents Ellard's group obtained, which includes frequently asked questions and answers provided to school staff by the board, and a more detailed manual for the process titled "Weeding and Audit of Resource in the Library Learning Commons collection."

The documents lay out an "equitable curation cycle" for weeding, which it says was created to support Directive 18 from the Minister of Education based on a 2020 Ministry review and report on widespread issues of systematic discrimination within the PDSB. 

Directive 18 instructs the board to complete a diversity audit of schools, which includes libraries.

"The Board shall evaluate books, media and all other resources currently in use for teaching and learning English, History and Social Sciences for the purpose of utilizing resources that are inclusive and culturally responsive, relevant and reflective of students, and the Board's broader school communities," reads the directive.

How weeding works

PDSB's "equitable curation cycle" is described generally in the board document as "a three-step process that holds Peel staff accountable for being critically conscious of how systems operate, so that we can dismantle inequities and foster practices that are culturally responsive and relevant."

First, teacher librarians were instructed to focus on reviewing books that were published 15 or more years ago — so in 2008 or earlier.

Then, librarians were to go through each of those books and consider the widely-used "MUSTIE'' acronym adapted from Canadian School Libraries. The letters stand for the criteria librarians are supposed to consider, and they include:

• Misleading – information may be factually inaccurate or obsolete. • Unpleasant – refers to the physical condition of the book, may require replacement. • Superseded – book been overtaken by a new edition or a more current resource. • Trivial – of no discernible literary or scientific merit; poorly written or presented. • Irrelevant – doesn't meet the needs and interests of the library's community. • Elsewhere – the book or the material in it may be better obtained from other sources.

The deadline to complete this step was the end of June, according to the document. 

[ Dianne Lawson, a member of Libraries not Landfills, says teachers told her The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank and The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle were removed from their school libraries as part of the PDSB weeding process. ]

Step two of curation is an anti-racist and inclusive audit, where quality is defined by "resources that promote anti-racism, cultural responsiveness and inclusivity." And step three is a representation audit of how books and other resources reflect student diversity.

When it comes to disposing of the books that are weeded, the board documents say the resources are "causing harm," either as a health hazard because of the condition of the book or because "they are not inclusive, culturally responsive, relevant or accurate."

For those reasons, the documents say the books cannot be donated, as "they are not suitable for any learners." 

A PDSB spokesperson said the board supports its schools "in the disposal of books in a responsible manner by following Peel Region's recycling guidelines." Peel Region allows for the recycling of book paper, as long as hard covers and any other plastics are removed first and put in the garbage. 

Books removed based on date, board heard

It was during the first stage of the new equitable curation cycle, that Takata, Libraries not Landfills, and at least one trustee, say some schools were removing books strictly based on publication date.

CBC Toronto recently reviewed a recording of a May 8 board committee meeting focused on the new equitable weeding process. In it, trustee Karla Bailey noted "there are so many empty shelves," when she walks into schools. 

"When you talk to the librarian in the library, the books are being weeded by the date, no other criteria," Bailey told the committee. 

"That is where many of us have a real issue. None of us have an issue with removing books that are musty, torn, or racist, outdated. But by weeding a book, removing a book from a shelf, based simply on this date is unacceptable. And yes, I witnessed it."

Bernadette Smith, superintendent of innovation and research for PDSB, is heard responding on the recording, saying it was "very disappointing" to hear that, because she said that's not the direction the board is giving in its training for the process.

Dianne Lawson, another member of Libraries not Landfills, told CBC Toronto weeding by publication date in some schools must have occurred in order to explain why a middle school teacher told her The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank was removed from shelves. She also says a kindergarten teacher told her The Very Hungry Caterpillar had been removed as well.

"She has read it to her classes for years, they love it," Lawson said, referring to the Eric Carle picture book. 

"I can't find any sedition in it, or any reason why you would pull this book."

Process 'rolled out wrong,' trustee chair says

Trustee and chair of the board, David Green, told CBC Toronto the weeding process itself "rolled out wrong." 

That's why he says trustees briefly paused the process until the board could get a better understanding of what was actually going on. 

A motion was passed at a May 24 board meeting to ensure that, going forward, those weeding books during the anti-racist and inclusive audit in the second phase of the curation cycle would need to document the title and reason for removal before any books were disposed of.

"We have to make sure that we are meeting the needs of the students and not just rolling something out because we were told to do it," said Green. 

When it comes to removing all books published in 2008 or earlier, Green said the board of trustees has heard that, too. 

"We have asked the Director [of Education] again to make sure that if that is taking place, then that is stopped, and then the proper process is followed," he said.

Green also said they have plans to communicate with parents about the weeding process.

In the meantime, students like Takata are left with half-empty shelves and questions about why they weren't consulted about their own libraries. 

"No one asked for our opinions," she said. "I feel that taking away books without anyone's knowledge is considered censorship."

==

Even given it was "rolled out wrong," it's interesting that some librarians saw no issue with the actions they took.

Which doesn't bode well for the overtly ideological "second phase," in which classic and of-the-time literature is judged through the shallow, postmodern "microaggressions" of present-day activist librarians.

It's always been the people who most want to ban books like "To Kill A Mockingbird" who are the ones who most need to read them.

This is what a purge of history looks like.

#libraries #censorship #literature #microaggressions #history purge #diversity #equity #inclusion #diversity equity and inclusion #antiracism #antiracism as religion #woke #wokeism #cult of woke #wokeness as religion #religion is a mental illness

[avpdpossum]

Hello! Hoping anyone that comes across this could share their thoughts as well, but I was curious if you consider personality disorders on their own as neurodivergent? Why or why not? Thank you

they absolutely are neurodivergent!

i think a lot of people’s introduction to the concept of neurodivergence is through the autistic and adhd communities, and that leads people to assume neurodivergence only includes things you’re born with, but that’s not actually the case.

here’s how i would explain neurodivergence:

the social Powers That Be in our current (Western, capitalist, etc) society have designated certain ways of thinking, feeling, perceiving, and so on as the Correct Ways of Existing.

most of our world is built on the assumption that everyone’s brains will work that way, because that’s the way they “should” work. when people’s brains don’t work that way, it’s assumed that the solution is to find a way to “fix” them or get rid of them.

as a result, people whose brains do work in that way have an easier time navigating the world and are generally treated better by it, while people whose brains deviate from that expectation in some way have a more difficult time navigating a world not built with them in mind and are treated as “wrong”/“bad”.

people in the first group, who can navigate the world with very little added stigma or difficulty as a result of the way their brains work, would be considered neurotypical.

people in the second group, who do face added stigma and barriers to functioning as a result of the way their brains work, would be considered neurodivergent.

so, if you want to determine if something makes someone neurodivergent, you can ask yourself a few questions:

does it have to do with their psychology/neurology?

does it affect their thinking, emotions, perceptions, or other brain functions in a way that is considered “abnormal” by current social norms?

does it carry a stigma and make them more likely to be mistreated?

does it cause them extra difficulty with navigating and functioning in the world?

if the answers to those questions are yes, chances are it’s a form of neurodivergence!

so, if we look at those questions for personality disorders:

this is the easiest answer — yes!

personality disorders are classified as “mental illnesses”, put in the dsm, and generally assumed to be under the jurisdiction of psychiatry, so i think we can pretty safely say that yes, personality disorders are seen as “abnormal” forms of brain functioning according to current social norms.

personality disorders and their traits are incredibly stigmatized — pwpds are assumed to be violent, abusive, generally bad people, and so on. this is most visibly true for cluster b pds, but stigma against the other pds and against the personality disorder category in general is also very real. so this one’s a yes — pwpds are very frequently mistreated on the basis of our brains being “wrong”.

personality disorders, by definition, come with some sort of functioning difficulties, and the world isn’t built to accommodate those differences in functioning. as an example, think of the high expectations of emotional regulation (not “too” emotional but not “cold” either) and social capability in professional spaces, even ones where emotions and social interactions don’t affect a person’s ability to do the job well. that makes this one a yes too; a society that took pwpds into account would seek to accommodate the areas we struggle with and ensure that there’s a place for us, and that definitely isn’t happening right now.

so yeah, according to my own personal understanding of neurodivergence, personality disorders absolutely count. we diverge from the assumed norms of psychological/neurological functioning, so we count as neurodivergent, even those of us who aren’t also neurodivergent in other ways.

on a personal level, i can say i feel no real difference in how i internally experience being audhd vs how i experience my personality disorders — they both just feel like my brain doing its thing, sometimes in ways that are unpleasant/difficult for me to deal with and sometimes in ways that just feel totally fine and unremarkable from my point of view. i also rarely notice a difference in how neurotypical people treat them — they usually don’t know the difference between audhd “weirdness” vs avoidant/narcissistic/schizospec/dissociative “weirdness”, it’s all just one big blob of Weird And Bad And Wrong to most people. the only time they’re ever really treated as different is when certain other neurodivergent people try to separate the two.

trying to draw lines between neurodivergence and “mental illness” (which is usually what’s happening when people say pds aren’t a form of neurodivergence) doesn’t actually help anyone. in my opinion, it’s basically just a way for certain people to try to get ahead by putting other people down — it says “accept us because we’re different in the good way, not in the bad way! we’re not sick like those people!” and that kind of attitude doesn’t do anyone any good. sure, the experiences that come with having a since-birth neurodivergence can be different from those that come with having an acquired neurodivegence, but people within those groups also have different experiences because everyone’s experience is going to be unique, we’re all different people in different circumstances! diversity of experiences among neurodivergent people is to be expected and is honestly a good thing, not a reason to avoid associating with each other.

in my experience, the people who insist that pds aren’t true neurodivergences are usually pretty damn sanist toward pwpds - they exclude us because they don’t want to be associated with us, they want to be accepted but they don’t think we should be so they try to make us seem totally different from them. in reality, neurodivergence is a broad umbrella and there’s room under it for all of us.

#poss.answers #discussion #community #general pd talk #just doing some general tags to put this out there bc it’s not really avpd specific #neurodivergent #neurodivergence #actually neurodivergent #personality disorder #stpd #szpd #ppd #aspd #bpd #npd #hpd #avpd #dpd #ocpd #cluster a #cluster b #cluster c

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

I'm really contemplating whether or not I can in good conscience keep thinking of myself as queer, which is kind of painful for me, because I have a lot of attachment to what it means to me. But it really does clearly mean something very different to most people, and I don't want to ignore that reality. It bothers me that when I say it, people might reasonably believe I'm talking about a particular type of ideology and political agenda that can be separated from the Normie Gays and the Hateful Assimilationists, that a person could learn about then choose to agree with and support or not agree with and support, because I've always felt strongly that being queer isn't a type of politics you can have, it's an experience of existing in a politicized way.

I'm well aware that 90% of the people in my Tumblr orbit perceive me (or would if they knew me) as one of the Hateful Assimilationists, which in some sense I agree that I am. I think it's actually a reasonably psychologically healthy goal to want to be a participating member of one's community and culture, although that's not the only thing I think a reasonably psychologically healthy person should care about. And it's not the only thing I care about, but I do want to just -- go about my business in life, and do my job and shop and socialize and deal with bureaucracy and attend events and never have to navigate feeling anxious or unwelcome or unsafe simply because I exist in public and other people have feelings about that. To myself, I feel -- normal, I'm just a person, I'm not doing anything that I feel like should be all that bothersome or intrusive to other people. It's other people who are intrusive when I I just am here, looking like they don't think I should look, having a family they don't think I should have.

So, like -- I'm not queer because that's some kind of mission statement for me, I know other queer people like the idea of having a Disruptive Agenda, but my agenda is and has always been trying to convince other people to be less rude and weird about me, because I'm just like, some person who is alive and trying to get through life like anyone else, like everyone else. As far as I'm concerned, I have never been the weird one; people who have absolutely no stake in my clothes, name, sex life, facial hair, general manner of existing, and yet feel thoroughly empowered to inflict their uninvited opinions about those things on me -- those people seem bizarre to me.

So when I've used the word queer, it's always been an acknowledgement that these are non-normative ways of being, and these are stigmatized ways of being, and there has been an ongoing experience of stigmatization and marginalization in my life that I recognize as a broadly shared experience with many other flavors of gender identity and sexuality minorities. And I need language like that to be able to say, hey, I recognize that across our diverse experiences, we've all been defined out of Normalcy whether or not we wanted to be. That's been placed on us, similar to the way that "non-white" and "people of color" are categories people are placed in by the hegemonic power of white supremacy, not because there's something inherently Other or Non about having skin darker than a Styrofoam cup, or because every other ethnic phenotype in the world shares some particular quality. The only quality they share is the way that whiteness Others them, and the quality I share with all other queer people is the way that heteronormativity Others all of us.

But it's used so often by so many other people as a signifier of some ideological commitment to an adequate level of Smashing the Patriarchy, and I'm not remotely interested in a vision of queerness that audits people's beliefs and motives and degree of radicalism, because for a lot of people, simply existing is as much radical disruption as they're able or willing to commit to, and that's frankly their business, not mine. Queer people spend our lives being judged and excluded, measured and found wanting. I'm just not up for a vision of queerness that imposes yet another external standard that people have to figure out how to meet in order to avoid hearing some version of "you're not queer, you're just a girl who likes girls" or whatever the current clever zing is about why they don't make the cut.

The world ascribes political meaning to our existence, it thinks that us merely wanting to live is "activism" and "radical leftism" and "the woke mind virus" or whatever the fuck. But we're not issues, we're fundamentally people, and presumably over the course of our lives we'll identify with any number of different issues and goals and beliefs, but we were people at birth and have always been and will always be people, and that is what I personally think should be at the center of whatever we're trying to do as a community, I think here you can be seen as the person you are is more impactful work than trying to make sure we don't accidentally embrace any Assimilationists.

I'm not saying there's nothing political about it when I call myself queer, but I am saying that the statement "gender and sexuality diversity is just part of the human experience, we are simply humans no matter what" is unfortunately already politicized. I wish it weren't. I wish that were just a thing I could believe in because it seems objectively true to me and it didn't have any particular politics attached to it. I would like my actual causes to be, like, climate change and food justice and socialized medicine! It's a bummer to me that I have to spend so much of my life asserting my own basic humanity, and I would like even more of the straight world to come around and join me in just not thinking my transness or my bisexuality are particularly fascinating aspects of my personality.

I don't know, I've just never been a "queer as in fuck you" person, and I never am going to be -- I can certainly get mad enough to be combative at times, but that's not fundamentally who I am or how I see the world. I like communities and I like getting along with people when I can, I like social safety nets and good neighbors and ethics of care, and I don't want people -- including me! -- to feel forced to the margins of their families and communities and churches and schools and jobs. I think it's good to want to belong to things and painful and often traumatic to be excluded and shunned. I know you do have to set some functional limits to your inclusion, paradox of tolerance and all that, but I also think you don't make a good life or a good world without some degree of learning to practice civility and coalition building and compromise. Those are the things that make communities, because if you can only deal with the people you easily mesh with, that's gonna end up being simply not enough people to survive.

So I want to draw boundaries wide, for practical purposes, and also because like I said, that is my core value, that people have inherent worth and dignity that doesn't depend on their actions or their ideas, but simply on the fact of their humanity. I think queer people need advocacy and need respect and need community even if I also think those people are full of shit, and my allegiance to the idea of queerness has always been about that respect -- that you don't need to justify exactly where you fit in order to fit here, that we make room for people to be themselves who have otherwise been told it's not okay to be themselves.

#idk i'm still working this stuff out #i just feel super alienated and frustrated right now maybe it'll pass

[monstromax]

Bigots Really Want Mr. Rogers to be Transphobic

...But they're wrong

While taking a look at right wing social media spaces, as I often do to keep an eye on what the chuds are up to (and because I am a digital masochist I guess), I came across this video: "Mr. Rogers on Gender Orientation."

first of all what is "gender orientation" even supposed to be gender is not sexuality you numblings

The clip is from a 1980 interview with Fred Rogers on The Tonight Show, where Rogers talks about his song, "Everybody's Fancy," which includes the lyrics "Boys are boys from the beginning / Girls are girls right from the start." Rogers says these lyrics are about addressing small children's fears that they might change into the opposite gender.

The clip's title frames this moment as an example of Fred Rogers being "anti-woke" and speaking "the truth" that gender and sex are binary and fixed. Indeed, the comments on this and similar videos have a lot of people saying things like "Was he trying to warn us???" and "This was once common sense!"

This isn't the only video like this. A glance at YouTube revealed that clips of Mr. Rogers singing this song has been making the rounds among right wing pundits like Glen Beck, Ben Shapiro and even the God-Forsaken Atlas Society.

After Glen Beck and his co-host make some hi-lar-i-ous comments about how Mr. Rogers should be dug up and beaten by the left wing mob, they mention how "I think everyone still knows this, but they're afraid to say it."

These clips stuck out to me because of how strangely they try to bring nostalgia into today's culture war on trans and queer people.

I noticed first of all that, even though all of these commentators are shouting about how Mr. Rogers would be absolutely canceled by the woke mob if he were around today, there is in fact no one in the queer community I can find who is actually denouncing Rogers as a transphobe.

No, Mr. Rogers still remains beloved as the quintessential wholesome media figure 20 years after his death in 2003. Which is precisely why right-wing bigots are holding this particular song up now - to say, "You woke moralists are so sick, you'd even hate Mr. Rogers!" They aren't defending Fred Rogers from anything; in fact they would love for people to get mad over these clips.

But of course, there are actually some people getting mad over this, and it's these pundits' audiences. By holding up this media from the past, the commentators and their audience get to lament to each other about the way things used to be, before "gender ideology," when people knew the truth about the world. It's one of the reactionaries' favourite pastimes.

What makes the use of these clips particularly insidious is precisely the fact that they are old media and Fred Rogers is not available to respond to or clarify them. Any objection that someone could make about Rogers' intentions or attitude can be dismissed immediately as second-hand interpretations.

But am I denying that what Fred Rogers said would be called problematic today? Well, no. The original words to that song don't align with modern understandings of gender identity, and the verse that follows about how "only girls can be the mommies" has some sexist undertones about gender norms. If these words were written today, they would indeed be called capital-P Problematic.

So why has the cancellation not commenced? Why no digital woke mob? As hard as this may be for the right to understand, queer people and their allies can understand context clues. While these comments were very much Not Good, most people are aware that Fred Rogers said these things from the social perspective of the 1970s and 80s, with an intended audience of very young children who were learning about their bodies. It's clear from how he says these things that he was not speaking from the perspective of an anti-trans moral panic. It seems likely that Rogers wrote these lyrics the way he did because, like most people at that time, he simply was not aware of the trans experience.

Another major context clue that Rogers was well-intentioned is that

This is FRED WON'T-YOU-BE-MY-NEIGHBOUR ROGERS

The thing that transphobic, homophobic pundits leave out of this discourse, which most other observers already understand, is that Fred Rogers was one of the most understanding and radically compassionate people anyone can think of.

Fred Rogers dedicated his TV show and much of his life's work to showing children - and in fact people of all ages - that they are valuable just the way they are. He featured people of all abilities, races, genders and backgrounds in positive roles on the show.

Most famously, this included dipping his feet in a pool along with a black man at a time when white segregationists were organizing against letting black people share swimming pools with white people.

Mr. Rogers was not afraid to make political statements with his programming, and importantly, he was also not afraid to learn and change.

Glen Beck and company chose to highlight an early recording of the "Everybody's Fancy" song, but what they won't tell you is how that song gradually evolved over the years that Mr. Rogers was on the air. As Rogers spoke to more people with feminist perspectives, he saw some of the issues with the strict gender norms of his original words and began to change them.

Later on, he began to sing a version with these words...

I am not saying that Fred Rogers was perfect. He was a human being and a product of his own time and environment, and he has likely said or done other things that did not age well. He is not immune to criticism or reconsideration.

What I am saying is that Fred Rogers was certainly not acting from the place of sneering, culture war bigotry from which these right wing pundits are acting.

Commenters such as Beck, Shapiro, and the chuds at the Atlas Society have none of the compassion and radical inclusion that made Mr. Rogers a cultural icon. This makes it all the more profane when they take selective clips of his work and use them for purposes that are opposed to Fred Rogers' stated intentions.

And it's no secret that the right is opposed to Mr. Rogers' intentions. In 2007, Fox and Friends aired their notorious segment about how Mr. Roger's message on the value of every child was EVIL.

So, don't let the right try to claim Mr. Rogers or other dead celebrities for their own bigotry. They resented what he said while he was alive on Earth; they don't get to repackage his words now that he is not available to address them.

The right has tried to do similar things with other late celebrities whose views actually opposed their own - people ranging all the way from George Carlin to Martin Luther King, Jr. Thankfully, there are many people who have resisted these appropriations, but it's important to keep pushing back for the people who may not be aware, especially now that conservatives are pushing hard against trans and non-binary people, and the LGBTQ+ community in general.

The right wing wants their transphobic, queerphobic ideas to be more popular than they really are. They want to make trans people and drag queens into boogeymen so that you will vote for right wing candidates and let them gut labour protections and social safety nets. All of this is ultimately in service to capitalist owners who are concerned about keeping their control over an unsteady, changing workforce. Don't let them do it.

If you've read this far, you probably already know that LGBTQ+ people are not your enemy. This pride month especially, it's time to stand in solidarity with queer people, immigrants, the unhoused, sex workers, people of colour, and all marginalized people to make a more equitable and loving world together.

On that note, I'll end with some of Mr. Rogers' real messages to children everywhere...

#cw transphobia #cw transphobes #Youtube #mr. rogers #mr rogers' neighborhood #fred rogers #lgbtq rights #trans rights #pride month #lgbt pride #defend trans kids #conservatism #culture war #leftism #left is best #solidarity #lgbtq positivity #queer liberation #the right can't meme #anti capitalism #anti terf action #organize now #non binary #non binary pride #enby pride

[toppedbykakuna]

Hi! Just writing to let you know that radical feminism isn’t “pure hatred”, and that the vast majority of women who support it don’t care half as much about people identifying as trans as they do care about protecting marginalized women worldwide (whose issues are fundamentally unable to transcend their biological sex in the way alternative feminism dictates). You said in the tags of a recent post that you’ve spent “so many years trying to understand” radical feminism, which is confusing, because it’s a relatively straightforward approach to feminism. No radfem is ever going to dictate how someone should or shouldn’t dress or behave. The single defining feature is just that radfems argue that how someone dresses and behaves should not be conflated with biological sex or be indicative of a societal gender norm. The entire concept is that boys can wear dresses and girls can wear pants and they are still male and female. Radical feminism strives for the elimination of gender and gender roles!

Genuinely hope you have a good day :) you don’t need to reply to this, I won’t see it anyway, but you really don’t have to prove anything to anyone either. Your beliefs should be yours, not something you feel the need to repeatedly reaffirm to an online public to stay socially acceptable.

Peace:)

Hey anon, thanks for the polite message, I do appreciate it. I'm gonna use this ask to share my perspective a bit more, and while you definitely don't have to continue this conversation if you don't want, if you have any further thoughts I'm happy to hear them!!

Essay below about my history with the phrase and community of "radfems/terfs"

I do acknowledge that in my original post I used the term "radfem" in that tag where I meant to use the term "terf", however in the past 10ish years I've found that the people who use these terms to describe their identity haven't given me any reason to differentiate the two terms.

When I joined Tumblr in 2013, I had already been involved with the queer community for a year, learning about the different corners of the community and our history. At that point, I had accidentally stumbled across the small "radfem" community that had started leaning into the "terf" category of identification on Tumblr specifically.

I remember this movement was relatively small but in any post I saw celebrating trans-ness or gender, there would be somebody with a "radfem" tag in their username trying DESPERATELY to shut down the joy. Comments filled with "you can't change your gender!" type beat, y'know? At the time, I figured it would die out and I moved on.

Suddenly a few years later, I'm on Twitter and I see a particularly famous children's author involving herself in the community I had forgotten about years before, liking posts about whatever the current drama was about and getting herself involved with the whole "you can't change your gender!" type beat, and whaddya know, it BLOWS up.

Now, let's take a few steps back. I'm somebody that struggled with fitting into same sex groups for my entire life. My childhood sport was same sex, my gym classes, the bathrooms, all the things that people don't really think too much about. For me, it came with a body rocking form of anxiety about things like my body being witnessed, the possibility of getting made fun of (which happened if I wasn't keeping an eye out), trying to fit into conversations that I wasn't really interested in because it's what people my sex and my age were talking about, I was getting denied opportunities from my parents because I was interested in activities that weren't typically for my assigned gender.

Funnily enough, I came across some old posts of mine from 2014, 3 years before I came out, that are absolutely mourning my assigned sex and begging to be anything other than my assigned sex. I didn't want my assigned sex to be perceived, I wanted my gender to stop controlling my life. Once I realized that being nonbinary (or agender, as I prefer) was an option and I could partially transition in order to become more androgynous, it has made my life MILES better. I have never thrived so happily in my body without my reproductive organs and a minor level of HRT, and I would encourage anyone looking for androgyny to discuss HRT options with their doctor because it seriously changed my life.

NOW, let's come back to how that's relevant to "radical feminism". In the last 10 years that I've acknowledged that phrase, I have never met a person who uses that phrase with the intention of including transgender people. I would genuinely like to know if anyone knows any people who identify as a "radical feminist" with the intention of including transgender people, cuz they're not doing a very good job of making themselves visible right now.

I live in a country that already has 3 different regions currently attempting to remove transgender people from the vocabulary of anyone under the age of 18, something that I would've THRIVED with the knowledge of as a teenager. If I knew that puberty blockers were an option, I would've avoided 8 years of incredible intestinal pain, dysphoria, depression and more. That's my choice.

I'm of the same opinion that anyone should be able to wear whatever they want and present however they want, along with identifying however they want. If a boy wants to wear a dress then that's so good for him, but if it's an 18 year old trans boy who wants to wear a dress, he is still valid as a man, whereas I've seen typical terfs argue that a trans man wearing a dress means he wants to stay a girl, therefore should just identify as a girl.

If we're genuinely talking about a group of people who identify as "radical feminists" and don't have a single opinion about transgender people I would like to know who they are, because from my perspective "rad fems" are the exact same group of people as TERFs.

To wrap this all up, my fiance is a transgender man. He was actually a huge influence to help me come out myself and better my life, and I'll forever be thankful for his kindness and education. My best friends are all trans or genderless, my sibling is nonbinary, the 3 different women I would run away with if they asked me to are transgender women... ahem

I love transgender people. I love people who play with their own genetics and put themselves through years of medical stress to be the best versions of themselves. Transgender people have been the kindest community I've ever interacted with, the most selfless group of individuals, the most in tune with their own minds and bodies and the world around them. I love their resilience and their strength in a world that wants them to desist, and I will always be on the side of transgender people.

This blog is not censored for appeal, nor will I ever post anything to satisfy any form of masses. This blog is my own beliefs, and my beliefs are that trans people are (pardon my pun) rad as fuck.

#lexis ESSAYS #my GOD #lexis thoughts #not dnp #lgbtq+ #lgbtqia #queer #if u couldn't tell this is one of my passions #i will talk about how much i love trans people until i die #trans rights are human rights

[bthump]

This isn’t specifically about you and more about the anons, because I’ve noticed that you sometimes get requests to respond to meta posts other people make and something about that makes me a bit uncomfortable. Since your meta posts are widely liked by a big part of this community, it sometimes feels like you’re being kinda requested to „debunk“ other meta posts. Diversity in opinions is so important for a good fandom atmosphere and some of the anons you get seem to wanna stir up hostility and I don’t like it. Since I like some of your meta posts, but also find myself agreeing with other people, I just feel weird about this dynamic, you know? How do you feel about it?

I think that's a fair concern but honestly, I don't see it as inherently a problem. This might be my 00s internet bias here lol, but I tend to view meta on a public platform as fair game for response or external commentary - which includes my own posts. My meta is here to be read by anyone who wants to, and to provoke thought and discussion, and that's generally what I assume of others' meta as well.

Like I recognize that attitudes have changed in the era of mostly unmoderated spaces and reblogs and the lack of diverse comms with their own norms and discourse running rampant lol, and so it's often considered automatically rude to disagree with people now, but I think that can only extend so far. Like, I don't reblog posts just to disagree with them (unless they're a friend and I know they're cool with discussion) because I know it sucks when you keep getting notes from people who are liking or reblogging the take you disagree with, but I don't think that should mean not discussing other people's meta at all, as long as it's done respectfully of course.

And I understand why someone might want a second opinion on something they read. I think everyone should think for themselves and form their own opinions, and I completely agree that diversity of opinion is important in any fandom. But not everyone has confidence in their own analysis, or the learned skills for criticism, and I think it's reasonable to seek out other viewpoints and decide which seems most correct to you, or use them as boucing off points to figure out what you believe. I definitely don't want to be the only Berserk meta blog out there, and I'm more than happy to agree to disagree with most people. I'm not an authority on the story lol and people are free to agree or disagree with me however they see fit.

That said, I'm always a little wary about tone and intent, especially in Berserk fandom, because I'm not here to get into arguments and I try to make that clear. But I take most asks in good faith. Sometimes I might go a little too far with that lol, but honestly I'd rather come across as naive than hostile. If I found out that someone was trying to start a fight between me and someone else, or was using my posts to dunk on someone else, or if followers of mine took it as a cue to harass someone, I'd absolutely say something and stop answering those asks. (Hopefully we're all chill enough over here that this doesn't happen, btw. As far as I'm aware I've never incited anything like that and I've personally only ever seen fandom arguments started by people mad about Griffith fans existing, but tbf I also don't pay attention to whatever's happening outside of my dash.)

But yeah I don't think that's what's happening here, and I don't want to assume someone's trying to start shit unless there's clear evidence for that. Like in the last ask I got like this, the anon did specify that they agreed with the post they wanted me to comment on, and were just seeking more opinions/wondering what my own take was, and I think that's reasonable.

Idk, this is definitely one of those things where I know there are different valid opinions about etiquette. But I generally abide by the 'do unto others' rule, including here. I blog with the expectation that anyone can read what I write and agree or disagree, and that I might inspire other discussion. Sometimes I get nervous about being linked to notably hostile fan spaces, like the berserk reddit, but it has happened with virtually the same motivation as those anons (what do you guys think of this person's take?) and ultimately I'm fine with it, and even a little flattered.

All that said, at the end of the day I do think that it would be best for anyone who sends an ask referencing someone else's analysis to be specific about what they want to know, rather than a general 'what do you think of this?' question. Both because it shows why you're asking and what you're interested in and leaves less room for doubting your motivation, and because it makes it easier to answer.

#ask #anonymous #b #i don't necessarily want to encourage these types of asks so i'm not gonna post that last paragraph separately as a psa #but i don't want to tell anyone to refrain either as long as everyone's being chill about it #this is probably overly long lol but it's a fair concern and i want to address it as thoroughly as i can #theme: fandom

[echofromtheabyss]

In this article by the late Mel Baggs, Baggs references something another person wrote. The link is to something that was taken down, but the quote is here:

The basic idea is that each and every person has their difference, and that it should be respected. Note the singular form, however. When they learn of my autism, which is usually the first major difference to come up in conversation, they seem to think “oh, so that’s her difference”. They then proceed to fill in my difference slot in their mental table, and everything is as it should be.

Or, so they think.

Then, a little while later, I happen to mention some other thing that makes me very different from most other people, and their belief system collides head-on with reality. Usually, it’s another one of my disabilities that triggers it. This is when they almost invariably go “…” for a while, only to finish with “you have that too?” In other words, “your difference slot is already filled, and you can’t have another one”. This is the weird collision I've had with reality since I have been het-passing.

People used to just assume I was a lesbian. When I was 10, adults thought I was going to turn out to be a lesbian. It was just assumed. Then people assumed I was because of my body language, voice, facial expressions, way I hold my body, ffs, even the way I sit is discourse now. That I "passed as straight" is literally indistinguishable from stuff related to autistic masking discourse because of the degree to which it involves standing a certain way, holding my face a certain way, doing different things with my hands, talking about different things, re-wording everything I say into different wording, and using my voice differently. I even had to prefer different friends. Also there was different construction in the 80s and 90s among straight people about what it meant to be gay or lesbian so it was heavily conflated with being gender non-conforming or even trans-adjacent in ways it isn't now. When I'm "straight passing" I just don't really pass as "normal." But when I'm "queer passing," people just chalk all my differences up to that. As long as I'm not actually among cis queer women, that is. In the beginning, it gave me the wrong impression about how accepted I would be, as LGBT, by LGBT people - ones who are other cis women, almost always are uncomfortable around me. Straight women actually were more accepting of me, conditionally. TERFy lesbians were the absolute worst because I violate a lot of stuff about what women are supposed to be, and I have to mask the hardest around people who have very gendered ideas about how to act. There is no way to mask without being gender-conforming. And being *cognitively* gender non-conforming - i.e., having thinking patterns/emotional makeup/communication preferences more commonly stereotypically associated with men, heaven help you if it's anything in the realm of politics/likes/dislikes/hobbies - is totally brushed aside. You're just not supposed to be like that. Not even sure that upper middle class straight men are supposed to be like that these days. Except in my case, it's not even about anything really visible given that I like plenty of stereotypical feminine things! It's just this invisible mark I've had all my life, somehow, that characterizes me as "not a normal girl." The thing is, the world didn't get actually more friendly toward odd women, it just got more enforcing of normie upper class white female norms across a broader range of people. So a lot of the places that used to be my escape, no longer are that.

And when I am read as het... I feel VERY odd, I am crawling out of my skin in discomfort... like I am an alien from another planet who's passing as an Earthling. I feel both invisible to LGBT people (who, prior to my passing het, constituted the majority of my friends), while masking really hard among het normies (I am NEVER more aware of this, than when I'm on a double date, for example, with my partner and a het couple where the other woman is a much more normie woman) and trying to observe normie het social rules (greet the wife first, don't talk to the husband longer than I talk to the wife, etc) that passing as gay gave me a pass on. And in passing as het, PEOPLE DON'T EVEN TALK TO ME. I'm completely ignored in ways I never used to be. I completely disappear behind my partner. We'll be in a room full of his queer friends who just don't even see me, which is painful for very complicated reasons, but nobody else really sees me either. And to straight people who are okay with queer people, my perceived queerness filled that "difference slot." It gave me a place where I was allowed to be different from them. I feel more autistic since passing straight. I don't like it. And something I'm really, really struggling with in my identity is the fact that I lost the one social cope I had. The one thing that made me more tolerated in some spaces. Now I just feel naked. Like I'm just visibly Weird as a het-passing person in ways I wasn't as a queer-passing person.

And the thing is, passing queer gave me no payoff whatsoever in my actual romantic relationships, because I was a gaycel, it was never going to get better. Other women read something "odd" in me so quickly that it's not even funny, and I have to work Very Very Hard just to interact. But at least when I was passing gay, there's a point at which they just... let me be. I could be their Lesbian Friend.

I had a social role in which my weirdness could fit.

Now I just feel like a fake and a phony in every single interaction I have and like everything in my world revolves around my perceived sexual identity that I can't even really perform that well. My partnership is okay when it's just me and him but when I get out into the world, I don't even feel like I inhabit my own skin, and don't even know who I am.