#yes yes they probably just picked the first artistic performance with death in the title cause it's thematically relevant

[thresholdbb]

Can we talk about The Dying Swan moment in Coda? As someone who was once a very serious ballerina, I need to talk about the Dying Swan. Here's your context --

CHAKOTAY: Harry's clarinet solo was okay. I could have done without Tuvok's reading of Vulcan poetry. But the highlight of the evening was definitely Kathryn Janeway portraying the Dying Swan. JANEWAY: I learned that dance when I was six years old. I assure you, it was the hit of the Beginning Ballet class.

Have you seen The Dying Swan? It is dramatic.

Here, take a minute:

First of all, this dance is much too advanced for a six-year-old, even if they’re doing it in demi pointe. (Six-year-olds emphatically should not be in pointe shoes btw.) The dance is almost entirely bourees and arm movements done to very subtle musical cues, not the foundational ballet moves typically taught in Beginning Ballet.

This is a very vulnerable, dramatic dance that is effective because of its subtleties. The performer would need to embody that vulnerability in some way for a convincing performance. It's short, but it's a solo piece -- all eyes on you. I mean, it was choreographed for a prima ballerina, BUT THAT'S NOT MY POINT

Can you imagine our unflappable Captain Janeway willingly getting in front of her crew to do this ballet? I get that it’s thematically relevant to the plot of Coda, but since Janeway is only vulnerable in front of her crew when it means putting herself in harm’s way, it seems like a wild decision. She tends to hold herself apart from her crew, maintaining the professional distance of the captain. Further, when she does any creative pursuit, it is almost always in private, since her sister was the artist in the family and she was the scientist. As a captain, she commands Voyager in a much different way than she would as a dancer with this piece. I'm not saying she never shows vulnerability because she definitely does, but not necessarily in this way. Then when she talks about it with Chakotay, she just casually brushes it off with a laugh like no big deal.

There’s also the question of costume – would she have gone full tutu? Done it in her Starfleet uniform? An impeccable yet flow-y white suit? She does get into costume and command a performance in Bride of Chaotica!, but Coda is still kind of early days for our captain. Arachnia aligns more with what we know about Janeway's character.

Granted, it is Chakotay laying down these complements about her dancing ability and he is clearly biased. To be fair, Neelix does too before they leave in the shuttle. If she did this dance and performed it poorly or amazingly, I feel like the crew would look at her a bit differently afterwards.

Canonically she did The Dying Swan, but I certainly have trouble picturing it happening.

#does everyone let it slide because she gets mind killed a bunch of times and attends her own funeral? #this throw away line has been living rent free in my mind for months now #coda is also a ballet term fun fact #star trek voyager #coda #Captain Janeway #this death doesn't mean anything though because no one else is saved so not janeway self-sacrificing goals #yes yes they probably just picked the first artistic performance with death in the title cause it's thematically relevant #i've thought about it much more than a normal person probably should #No one said I was a good ballerina but I did it for a long time #may or may not have filmed a video about this in my cosplay for a different platform #maybe have been sitting on it cause of editing and weird dudes being into me like why no #also let tuvok read his poetry i bet it's great #alien grim reaper dad is a great concept very creepy bring him back for more angst #just a little insane about the dying swan don't mind me #also insane about coda and voyager and janeway in general ok you got me #meta #I was falling asleep on the couch but then I had to rant about coda I’m sorry

[staysaneathome]

This Was Not A Dare, Reigen

Jon glares at each of the— the suspects traitors in front of him, tape recorder clutched tight in one hand.

Martin, wringing his hands uselessly, eyes wide and beseeching. Tim, fists clenched hard enough for his knuckles to go white and returning his gaze with a death stare of his own. Sasha, arms folded to form a barrier between Jon and herself, expression a perfect mask of concern. Reigen, radiating disappointment in every one of his gestures and quips. Elias, eyes weary, fingers rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Some intervention this is turning out to be.

Jon wants to scream. Wants to reach out and shake someone, anyone, until they admit he’s making sense and it’s the rest of the world that’s gone mad.

Every single one of them (except Martin) could’ve killed Gertrude. He knows he has no proof that they did, but he has no proof that they didn’t either, can’t they see that? If they don’t want him to suspect them, it should be easy for them to actually give him proof of their innocence (like Martin did), instead of just repeating platitudes of “you know this isn’t acceptable adult behavior, Jon” and “you’re better than this, Jon”.

Who cares about knowing better or acceptable behavior when it’s your very life on the line? He’s half tempted to throttle the con artist, see how dignified or adult he is when he’s the one with a murderer on his tail!

…Not that Jon is a murderer. It’s just the principle of the thing, is all.

“Jon,” Elias says, tone soothing in all the ways he doesn’t want it to be. “This is absurd. This goes far beyond an unhealthy work environment. I’ll admit it’s partly my fault for letting it get this bad, I should have intervened earlier.”

Reigen cuts in with a hand gesture that is as effusive as it is dismissive. “That doesn’t make his behavior okay, Bouchard-san. It may be bad here, but Jon chose to follow me, Tim and Sasha, and yell at Martin, rather than going to the police or paying a detective, like Herlock Sholmes or something.”

Jon sputters. “Wh- It’s Sherlock Holmes, not—and he’s fictional!”

Reigen blinks sleepily, one eyebrow raised. “Oh? That doesn’t sound right. Are you sure?”

“Yes!” Jon all but shouts, rapidly reconsidering his stance on braining the sardonic little git with his tape recorder. “Don’t you even—an-and you’re deflecting again! Just like with your ridiculous ‘haunted gun’ nonsense!”

“I’m not!” Reigen says, clearly deflecting. “I’ve seen this kind of thing loads of times as the number one psychic. When a weapon kills lots of people over 100 years, the bad energy gets bigger and bigger until the gun grows an evil spirit and is hungry—”

“I refuse to believe Gertrude Robinson was murdered by a sentient blunderbuss!!”

“Be that as it may,” Elias interrupts, shooting them both a stern frown. “This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about, Jon. Given how badly it’s affected your work ethic, I will be taking direct action to ensure it does not continue.”

Jon can feel his shoulders hunch almost against his will, dread pooling in his stomach at the thought of whatever punishment is about to be unjustly inflicted on him.

Only Martin looks half as worried as he feels, glancing between him and Elias nervously. By contrast, Tim looks downright triumphant, smirk nasty and vindictive. Sasha’s somewhere between those two, not openly celebrating his soon-to-be-downfall, but not acting like she’d lift a finger on his behalf either, though he’s unsure why that feels like it should surprise him. She’s always been as neutral as Switzerland.

Reigen, oddly enough, has more in common with Martin than with Tim. He’s staring at Elias like he’s waiting for a bit of news he knows he won’t like.

Jon thinks he’d appreciate that more if he wasn’t about to be unfairly lambasted simply for trying to stop a murderer and bring justice for an old woman who probably died frightened and alone. Much like Jon probably will once he’s been hobbled by whatever Elias is about to say next.

“Such as by restricting access to the archives from members of the public who are ultimately doing you more harm than good.”

…Wait.

What?

“What?!” Tim, Martin, and Sasha echo.

Reigen glances between them all, blinking in confusion.

Jon shares the sentiment entirely. His punishment is…for someone else to be removed from the archives? Someone he doesn’t employ or even like that much, no less?

He must have misheard, surely.

Though maybe not, given how Tim looks aghast, glancing between Elias and Reigen. “Okay, no, Reigen’s clearly not the problem here—”

“I’m very sorry, Tim, but Jon has made several remarks about the disruptive nature of Mr. Arataka’s presence in the archives.” Elias sighs. “From the arguments like the one we just witnessed to the nonsensical purchases of oddities inspired by his presence, such as Duolingo subscriptions,” Meaningful glare at Jon who resists the urge to clutch his phone guiltily, “That are now billed on the Archives’ expenses, it unfortunately seems as though he is dragging down productivity for all of you as an active stressor.”

“But we’re much better equipped to take statements from people who don’t speak English because of that!” Martin protests, stepping forward. “Isn’t it an advantage to have a more, more international perspective for our work?”

“One positive in a sea of negatives does not an advantage make.” Elias says, sounding infuriatingly like he’s misquoting something. “And really Martin, how realistic is it that this would help in more than a few isolated cases? I expected better from you.”

Martin’s face crumples, and his shoulders hunch, making himself smaller.

Jon finds his own mouth opening to—what? Say something? What would he even say?

Luckily, Sasha intervenes before he can dig his own grave further. “That’s as may be, but he’s a wonder for morale. He and Jon are funny, not anything serious, and I don’t think we’d have come to you about Jon‘s behavior unless he encouraged us to—”

“Which only fits into the delusion where Jon feels an outsider is rallying his subordinates against him, which is not good for his paranoid outlook.” Elias replies calmly. “And it’s never a healthy work environment when one employee feels the others are making them the butt of a joke.”

“I’d say that’s not as bad as when the boss feels he has the right to violate everyone’s privacy whenever he wants to just ’cause he’s feeling sad!” Tim growls.

Elias begins to answer, before Reigen finally speaks up.

“Sorry,” The con artist says carefully. “But you are…«I know this one…» banning me from the Archives? Yes?”

“That is the long and short of it, yes.” Elias says, grudgingly

“Why?” Reigen challenges, eyes hard and searching. “What have I, personally, done that’s wrong here? What behavior do I need to correct?”

There’s a moment of silence. The whirring of the tape recorder sounds uncomfortably loud.

“Mr. Arataka, are you currently under the employ of the Magnus Institute?” Elias asks, brow furrowed.

“Ah, no, no, but—”

“Are you looking to become employed by the Institute at this point in time, as a prospective member of the Archival Staff?” He fires off rapidly.

“Su-Sorry, but if you could just go a little slower—”

“Then I am afraid that unless you’re looking to fill out an employment contract or a Statement form, we cannot help you, Mr. Arataka.” Elias spreads his hands wide. “We are an academic institution, a place of research and learning. The Institute cannot allow for social dalliances on company time, especially not when those visits are negatively contributing to the work environment and the wellbeing of our staff.”

Tim throws up his hands, “I-I cannot believe this!”

Reigen’s mouth works soundlessly for a moment.

“Arataka is my…what do you call it? First name?” He says, at last. “Using it in this context is…inappropriate. Please call me Reigen, if you would, Bouchard-san.”

“Of course. My mistake, Mr. Reigen.” Elias does have the decency to look somewhat abashed. “Though, regrettably, I am going to have to ask you to leave the premises within the next twenty minutes, or I will be forced to call security.”

Reigen nods, jerkily, hands stuffed in his pockets.

Jon almost wants to call out to the fraud as he turns to go, grab him by the shoulder, pick another argument, something. He knows he should be happy, be glad that this thorn in his side will finally stop bothering him, but instead he just feels—befuddled. Off-kilter.

What happened to the man who once spent three hours arguing for the “spiritual effectiveness” of entirely performative and useless rituals, saying that ensuring his clients left his office fooled and contented was better than actually uncovering genuine supernatural forces and learning all there was to know about them? Why is he going so-so easily now, when he’s made Jon fight tooth and nail in every debate he’s had with the so-called psychic?

At the door, the con man pauses.

“Bouchard-san. You said I could come back if I had a statement to give?”

Elias shifts in his seat, looking bemused. “W-well, yes. That is a service we do provide. Of course, the statement would have to be genuine, and verifiable as such before we let you back into the Archives.”

“We don’t even do that for most of the rubbish we do take,” Tim mutters under his breath, and though Jon is glad he’s not the one being shot a quelling look, he does have to agree.

The con man turns back.

He’s got that smirk on his face that immediately puts Jon’s hackles up on instinct, prepared to argue against whatever inane point he’s come up with now to defend his phony psychic title.

“Gotcha.” Reigen says, far too cheerfully. «Ja ne.»

Then he strolls out of the office, as cool as a cucumber.

Jon could even swear he hears him whistling as he makes his way down the stairs.

There’s a moment of stunned silence.

“I’d do him.” Sasha pipes up, unhelpfully.

“Sasha!” Martin hisses, scandalized. “D-don’t you have a, a—”

“Oh, I don’t have to worry about that.” She remarks, far too blasé for someone in a newly committed relationship. “Tom’s heard about him too, and he agreed he’s just our type.”

“And I’m not?” Tim jokes, but there’s a hard edge to it that Jon’s found himself increasingly familiar with in the past few weeks.

Sasha shrugs with a mischievous little smile, as if that mattered very little to her.

Elias coughs. “Right. Well. Whatever your relations to Mr. Reigen are, please try to limit them to outside the workplace in future.”

The rest of the intervention is surprisingly subdued. Elias gives Jon access to the footage from the cameras in the rest of the Institute, and Tim bodychecks him on the way out of the office, muttering about how nice it must be to never face any consequences for his actions. Sasha follows, the way she won’t meet his eyes a condemnation in its own right.

Even Martin doesn’t say anything to him, just bites his lip and hurries past back down to the Archives. It doesn’t sting. It doesn’t.

Even as he settles in to watch and rewatch the CCTV records of Gertrude’s last week alive, Jon can’t shake the ridiculous feeling of foreboding that’s dogged him since Reigen left.

Most of him wants to say it comes from the fact that despite the fact that Reigen has not appeared in any of the camera records for the Magnus Institute before he started his term as Head Archivist in 2016, isn’t banning him from the Archives just letting the con man run around London with impunity, with no way for Jon to ascertain his movements or motives? That instead of solving a problem, Elias has just given a potential murderer free reign to escape?

But a small part of Jon, one that never could deny the sensation of being watched, that is frozen in second-hand terror whenever he reads a Statement, knows, Knows that it this stems more from the idea that the fraud will actually accomplish what Elias has unwittingly challenged him to do.

The illogical but pervasive surety that he will do so.

Jon’s not sure if he’s more afraid that Reigen Arataka will vanish entirely, another unfortunate victim become an unsolved mystery.

Or that he’ll come back, and bring whatever he’s managed to unearth on his insane quest with him.

#the magnus archives #tma #mob psycho 100 #mp100 #reigen arataka #mp reigen #jonathan sims #jon sims #martin blackwood #timothy stoker #elias bouchard #not sasha #tma not them #tma s2 #jonmartin #(just a little) #(as a treat) #Elias: you cant come back unless youve been traumatized #Reigen: challenge accepted #Elias: wait no—

[its-only-v]

Poetry, apocalypse & cute monsters

Welcome to the first issue of On The Screen. Today’s picks aren’t super obscure but I haven’t heard nearly enough about them so maybe they haven’t hit your radar yet either.

Dickinson (2019-2021)

You’ve probably heard of the American poet, Emily Dickinson, who couldn’t stop for Death. In this show, you get to see her played by Hailee Steinfeld in a charismatic performance that’ll make you want to be her BFF, or at the very least, be in her social circle to hear all about her wacky adventures. Oh, and Death does kindly stop for her, multiple times, throughout the seasons. In the form of Wiz Khalifa (yes, you read that right) riding a chariot pulled by translucent ghostly horses, because why not.

Do you need more reasons to watch? Fine. It’s a period piece with modern sensibilities and a stacked cast of actors with great comedic timing. Don’t watch it if you’re a stickler for historical accuracy. But if you can suspend your disbelief, you’re in for a riot. A beautiful, brilliantly imaginative, hilarious, and lovely riot. Just take a look at this dance scene set to Carnage’s I Like Tuh.

It’s not an accurate biography, but it will get you interested in learning more about her beyond the few poems you may have studied in school, which I consider a success.  

The third and final season of Dickinson is currently streaming on Apple TV+.

Y: The Last Man (2021)

I wasn’t a big fan of the name of this show or the poster. I know, I know. You shouldn’t judge various forms of media by their cover art. I wasn’t in the mood to watch a post-apocalypse show about a world where all males die except a man and his monkey of possibly a mysterious virus - can you blame me? But I did end up watching it and I’m glad I did.

This is a plot-centric show but the characters are what made it special. Ben Schnetzer plays the titular Y as Yorick Brown, an escape artist/part-time magic teacher. Good news: His mother (Diane Lane), who was a pre-apocalypse Senator and now the post-apocalypse President, soon discovers her son is alive, thanks to a badass super-secret service agent, 355 (Ashley Romans). Bad news: Survivors already think there’s a conspiracy and there’s no way they can reveal that the President’s son is possibly the only living man.

And so. Yorick with his very adorable pet monkey, Ampersand (which I just learned was CGI), goes on a road trip with Agent 355 as his bodyguard to find a geneticist to can figure out why he lived and maybe save the world.  You get to see very different sides of the apocalypse since it follows the stories of a couple of women. Some get to stay protected inside the Pentagon. Some join a cult. Some just want to get by. Some manage to set up a whole city.

All, in all, it’s a pretty interesting what-if take on the post-apocalypse genre. You might not get all the answers in the show since it was cancelled just after one season due to a bunch of production and business issues. But since it is based on an award-winning fully-completed comic book series, you can find out the canonical ending, if you’re so inclined.

The entire first and only season of Y: The Last Man is streaming on Hulu for now. (unless it’s picked up by another network sometime)

Monsters at Work (2021- )

I’m sorry, when was someone going to tell me that one of my top 5 Pixar movies was getting a tv show? Nobody? Okay. I had to go scrolling through titles, past alllll the new Marvel and Star Wars content (which, yes, are great to have but are overshadowing everything else), to find this absolute gem. This is the Pixar that I love, that’s not just clearly meant for kids (looking at you, Forky).

Monsters at Work is set right after the events of Monsters Inc. and brings back Mike and Sulley as the co-CEOs. But they’re not the main characters. The monster we’re now focusing on is Tyler Tuskmon (voiced by Ben Feldman), a fresh University graduate who is excited for his first day at the company and looking forward to his new job as a scarer. Just as, oops, scarers are no longer a thing. Monsters Inc. is now shifting to ‘laugh power’ that runs on, you guessed it, making kids laugh instead of scream in terror. So, he joins a rag-tag group of M.I.F.T.ers who have their own little quirks that I’ll leave for you to discover. It’s not the job that he wanted, but it’s the job he has. Besides, there’s some upward mobility and he can get back to the floor as soon as he can learn to be funny and become a jokester.

If I had to sum it up in a line, I’d call Monsters at Work a family-friendly office sitcom. The episodes are fairly self-contained but I’d highly recommend watching them in order as there are arcs. With Mike’s Comedy Classes ending each episode except the first, you leave each of them on a high note. And the music and title card animations! Nostalgic, hummable, and still, fit perfectly within the Monsters Inc. universe. It’s just ten episodes but very rewatchable. Even if you somehow haven’t seen the two movies yet, you’ll like this. (If you have, you’ll love this.)  

The entire first season of Monsters at Work is streaming on Disney+.

Until next time,

V

#onthescreen archive #dickinson #y: the last man #monsters at work #tv shows #television #shows #show recommendations #onthescreen 2021 archive

[remuslupinfest]

Remus Lupin Fest 2020 Master List (Anon)

We're pleased to release this years Master List of fics, sorted by ship and alphabetically! There's 38 incredible works! Author and artist reveals are next week.

GEN

TITLE: First Year SUMMARY: I hope whoever prompted this in the first place is happy with the result. I know it's super messy but I was experimenting a bit with my style!

TITLE: On Talking SUMMARY: Five conversations Remus Lupin and Minerva McGonagall have during Prisoner of Azkaban and one they do not.

TITLE: One of Many Happy Moments SUMMARY: Remus has only come back home from one of particularly typical days of teaching in Hogwarts, but he couldn’t refuse Teddy to read the book together

TITLE: Remus Lupin Sleeping Peacefully SUMMARY: Prompt: Remus sleeping peacefully.

TITLE: Tousled SUMMARY: Prompt: Remus wrapped in a sheet/duvet going to the bathroom or kitchen after having had sex with someone. Maybe someone knocks on the door and he can’t find his trousers. He’s flushed, tousled and possibly has a hickey or two.

REMUS/MISC

TITLE: A Heart Grows Warm SUMMARY: After the war, Remus is a single father and desperate for a job. Snape hires him to work in his potions shop, but Remus can't ignore the building sexual tension between them.

TITLE: Bad Moon Rising SUMMARY: James, Lily and Voldemort all died on Halloween night. Years later, Remus is working in the Auror Department on a confusing case of a transformed werewolf stalking a family outside of a full moon and is assigned a brilliant new Auror, Nymphadora Tonks, to work with him.

TITLE: Briseé SUMMARY: Death eater!Remus struggles to face his past after the death of his lover and the end of his freedom.

TITLE: Care to Share? SUMMARY: Remus had every intention of enjoying solidarity over the holidays. That may change now that he's not the only Slytherin staying behind.

TITLE: His Luck SUMMARY: Modern setting, model/photographer AU for Remus Lupin and Narcissa Black. Written for the Remus Lupin fest 2020.

TITLE: Hold Me While You Wait SUMMARY: Remus Lupin just needs someone to hug him.

TITLE: One Night In Barcelona SUMMARY: The chemistry was too much to resist.

TITLE: Readjusting SUMMARY: When Voldemort murders Frank and Alice Longbottom, their baby survives. Meanwhile, Lily moves into a flat in Muggle London. Alone. With baby Harry and the cat. Remus helps.

TITLE: The Paths We Take SUMMARY: Lily Evans Lupin is a detective, though her husband Remus' name is on all the paperwork. He writes incredible tales while she solves mysteries. All seems normal as the Second World War ends, and Lily is hoping for peace and eventual renown for her talents legally attributed to Remus. Her and Remus' entire world comes crashing down once more as Sirius O. Black, Remus' first love, enters their agency, with one request: to find his missing brother Regulus, who joined the Nazis and hasn't come home. Can Lily find the missing Regulus? Can Remus face his heartbreak?

TITLE: You keep messing with my brain SUMMARY: The awful truth was that when he had noticed Regulus Black he couldn’t exactly look away anymore.

WOLFSTAR

TITLE: AMOR VINCIT OMNIA (love conquers all) SUMMARY: Remus, a servant boy to the cruel Emperor Voldemort, meets Sirius, a charming nobleman. Together they fight for freedom and love in Ancient Rome.

TITLE: An Endearing Portrait SUMMARY: At the beginning of their seventh year at Hogwarts, Sirius fears that Remus’s mother and perhaps Remus himself, too, prefers someone else.

TITLE: Falling Into Place SUMMARY: There's always been something special about Remus Lupin, even if it's taken Sirius Black until his seventh year to realize it. Too bad he spends so much time agonizing over his changing feelings that he loses his chance. In which Remus acts like an idiot, Marlene is the snarky voice of reason, James is a mother hen, Peter is confused, and Sirius is seriously jealous.

TITLE: Fate and Other Ambiguous Notions SUMMARY: Truth be told, Sirius has never really paid much attention to Remus before... (Slytherin!Remus, Gryffindor!Sirius)

TITLE: Hold Me While You Wait SUMMARY: Remus Lupin just needs someone to hug him.

TITLE: If You’ll Be Waiting SUMMARY: Remus gets the Information that Sirius is probably still alive. He goes on a road trip to Germany with Harry to find him.

TITLE: In the Throws of You SUMMARY: Prompt 178: Sirius has a track record for picking bad BDSM doms, but luckily Remus is always there to provide the proper aftercare he needs.

TITLE: Ivory and Gold SUMMARY: Sirius Black is all Remus has been looking for and more. A muse, an inspiration, a theme he never wishes to let go. He’s magnetic. And Remus lets himself be pulled in.

TITLE: Let the Awful Song Be Heard, Bluebird SUMMARY: Prompt: I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way. I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal. So this letter is really just a squeal of pain. – Vita Sackville West In some ways, they are still Padfoot and Moony.

TITLE: making a fool out of myself (for you) SUMMARY: Sirius and Remus have been friends for years. However, unbeknownst to the other, both of them have a secret life working as a clown. Over the years, Remus and Sirius have competed against each other in the clown/birthday party circuit, becoming actual clown enemies of each other without knowing their true identities... until now, that is.

TITLE: Meet the Moonies SUMMARY: Remus introduces Sirius to his parents for the first time.

TITLE: Renewal SUMMARY: Remus and Sirius return to Remus's cabin together after the events of Harry's third school year come to a close. Remus decides that Sirius would be much better off with a haircut and some TLC.

TITLE: Sanctify My Body (With Pain) SUMMARY: When Remus leaves for what is essentially a suicide mission, Sirius finds himself grappling with the realities of a life where he doesn't know if the love of his life is dead or alive.

Perhaps the most confusing question in these situations is: which is worse?

TITLE: Siren songs SUMMARY: Sirius had heard of mermaids before, of course. They were all over the songs bards performed at his parents' table and the tall tales sailors traded in every port. He had never given much thought to whether or not the stories were true, though. Imagine his surprise when he and his best mates found themselves shipwrecked on an unfamiliar shore, with a breathtaking and mysterious merman for their only ally.

TITLE: Sweet Nuthin’ SUMMARY: When the summer between third and fourth year begins, Sirius expects it to be nothing but lazy days, harmless pranks with James, and the occasional meet-up with the rest of his friends from Hogwarts. Those plans go out the window rather quickly when he gets a sudden glimpse of Remus Lupin, a mysterious boy who changes everything about Sirius Black's life and shows him that love will always win in the end.

TITLE: Teddy’s Wedding SUMMARY: Teddy's wedding brings about memories of the past and hopes for the future.

TITLE: That Iron Taste SUMMARY: In the middle of a particularly bitter winter, a new attendee starts showing up in Father Black’s congregation. He is entirely unfamiliar and wholly arresting. In his wake there will be confusion, horror, heat, bliss, blood, and perhaps the end of reality itself.

TITLE: The Great Gay Pornstar Twitter Feud of 2020 SUMMARY: “So what I’m hearing is that you’ve got a date with your hot, clever, fellow porn-star twitter nemesis, of whom you once said ‘I’d rather die than let that pretentious knobcloud touch my dick’... is that about right?”

“... Yes.”

Or; Remus Lupin forgets to turn the fucking camera on.

TITLE: The King I Could Become SUMMARY: Prince Sirius of Nox has one thing he cannot stand. Or rather it should be said, one person. Prince Remus of Lupos. They had never gotten along well, though their kingdoms are close allies, but a disturbance in the lands has brought them together on a quest. They'll be able to take down this threat...if they can survive each other's presence first.

TITLE: The New Sailing Master SUMMARY: Sirius is a pirate, Remus is a fugitive, Remus manages to get a lift aboard the Blithering Idiot and it's love at first sight…

TITLE: Things We Can’t Say SUMMARY: Prompt 18: Angst during the first war, based on being on opposite sides. Trying to convince them to join the light side maybe, or accidentally injuring each other or close friends of each other.

TITLE: Thoroughly Debauched SUMMARY: Prompt: Remus riding Sirius in a chair

TITLE: To Admit What Is Not More Illegal SUMMARY: On Valentine’s Day in their seventh year at Hogwarts, Sirius tries to offer what Remus needs, and starts figuring out if he's ashamed of something, and if he is, what it is.

TITLE: You Would Be Calling Me Moony SUMMARY: A month after Sirius falls through the Veil, Remus starts seeing Sirius in his dreams. But they're only dreams...right?

#remus lupin fest 2020 #Master list #remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar #nymphadora tonks #tonks #remadora #fleur delacour #severus snape #regulus black #hp rare pair #hp fanfic #hp fanart #harry potter fan fest #narcissa malfoy #narcissa black #lily evans #lily potter

[lovemesomesurveys]

[yourheaventonight]

Have you ever wanted to grab someone by the throat and squeeze until their head explodes? Uh, no....

Anyhow, what's your favorite movie? I have many favorites. How do people choose just one for stuff like movies, books, music, and TV shows?

Any movies you're just dying to see? More Marvel movies this year and in October the new Halloween movie comes out. I’m sure there’s other movies coming out I’ll want to see as well.

How's the love life? Non-existent.

What's the title of the last book you read? I’m currently reading, “Cold Highway” by Mary Stone.

Do you have a messy signature? Yeah. My handwriting in general is crap.

What color are your nails at the moment? They’re not painted.

When's the last time you got a text? Yesterday evening.

Have you ever felt your phone vibrate and had it scare the shit out of you? Probably.

What song is currently resonating through your ear drums? I’m listening to an ASMR video, actually.

What's your greatest fear? Losing my loved ones, death, never getting better/getting worse, never doing anything with my life...

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Like 3 hours? :/

Would you consider yourself morbid? Sometimes.

Do you keep your nails long or short? They’re barely even there.

How do you feel about 2012 and what the Mayans predicted? Welp, we’re in 2021 now.

What was the last thing you said out loud? “Goodnight.”

What was the last thing you stopped yourself from saying? I don’t remember.

Who was the last person to call you baby? *shrug*

Does your name begin with the letter J? C? R? K? S? S.

Do you need a shower at the moment? No.

Can you thrive on false hope? Sometimes people think I’m being negative or pessimistic and sometimes I am, but there’s definitely times where I’m just being real.

Do you use Bing.com? Never.

What's the last thing you looked up on any search engine? Something related to a survey question.

Have you ever considered a career as a porn star? No.

What was the last lie you told? Hmm.

Do you remember the last thing you typed in a Word document? No, it’s been years.

How many pictures do you have saved on your computer? Maybe a handful? I don’t save a lot to my laptop, actually. I have a shit ton saved on my phone, though.

Would you consider yourself artistic? Not at all.

Has anyone told you that you were a good writer? Yes.

^Do you believe them? It was nice to hear, but I never thought I was anything great.

What all do you have pierced? Just my earlobes.

Are there any piercings your currently waiting to get? No.

What color is your phone? Gold.

When was the last time you sneezed? I don’t remember.

What do you consider 'classic' rock? You love your rock music, don’t ya.

When was the last time you shaved? A few days ago.

What's the longest you've ever had your hair? Down to my butt, its current length.

What's the last unpleasant thing you smelled? Onions. 

Are you sleepy at the moment? Yes. I should still be sleeping.

What can you see through the window closest to you? I have blackout curtains so I don’t see anything.

Have you ever just wanted a re-do on life? Most definitely.

How many pages was the last book you read? I don’t feel like checking.

Who is/are the main character(s) in it? Detective Ellie Kline, her friend, Jillian, her work partner, Clay, her ex, Nick, a few other cop guys, and the bad guys. 

Who/what did you last take a picture of? My doggo.

Do you take pictures of yourself just for Myspace or Facebook? I haven’t in awhile. The last picture I took was the photo I also have on here because I’m wearing my ramen shirt I got for Christmas and it felt fitting.

What were you like 5 years ago? 10? 15? End of 2015 and going into 2016 is when my downward spiral began. In 2011 I was finishing up my last year at community college and getting ready to transfer. I was dealing with a health issue I had to have surgery for the following year, but still I wasn’t like I am now. I also had friends back then and a social life. Go figure. Oh, and Joseph and I had our thing going. 2006 I was a sophomore in high school. Had my first boyfriend. Went through my emo phase. I was active and healthy for the most part.

Have you ever wanted a mohawk? A real, 2-foot tall, multicolored mohawk? No. What was the last pill you took? My pain med.

Should you be in bed right now? I am. I should be sleeping, though. Sigh.

What's the best cover song, in your opinion? One of them I like is Adele’s cover of “Fast Love” by George Michael that she performed at an award short after his death. I always describe it as “hauntingly beautiful.” I’m sad she never released a studio version. 

Do you ever get on Myspace anymore? I haven’t been on there in over a decade.

Favorite lyrics right now? Hmm.

Have you ever gotten Visine in your mouth? Ew, no.

Last person to get on your nerves? Ugh, myself.

Is sarcasm a part of your daily vocabulary? I wouldn’t say that.

Do you like sappy love songs? I can be a sucker for ‘em.

Pick up the nearest notebook, go to page 2 & write down the 3rd sentence. No.

Do you Tweet? Yep.

What's the background on your phone? I have an Alice in Wonderland theme going on currently.

Do you enjoy cleaning? No.

Is your hair curly, straight, or in-between? It’s wavy.

Is there someone in (or out) of your life that is hard to think about without feeling like there's a giant hole in your chest? No.

Speaking of holes, did you know the band Hole is back? Please stop saying that.

Oh, did you know there's a black hole at the center of our universe? klasjfklsjfkldf.

Would you paint your nails orange? Sure.

What's the hardest part about saying goodbye? It can be hard sometimes if it’s someone you might not see again for awhile or know when or if you will and you’re really close to that person.

Do you like Fresca? (If you know what it is.) No.

What does your favorite pair of pajama pants look like? I just wear leggings.

Do you like waffles? Pancakes? French toast? Yes - all of the above. 

Do you like bananas and peanut butter? Yes. Have you ever tried a fried pickle? Yeah, they’re good.

Can you tell I have food on the brain? I’m hungry as well.

Have you ever wondered what it's like to be the opposite sex? Yeah.

Don't you love Samoas? No, cause I don’t like coconut. 

Do you pick your nose when no one's looking? I use a tissue if I need to do something and yes I’m private about it.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[echoeternally]

If Another Pair Survives Together...

Balancing the votes between various combinations of remaining options in the Hero’s Second Wind poll will bring them into the next story together. Those potential scenes are found on this page!

Brief descriptions and scene titles will be included below!

Fair warning: There is some content dealing with death below as well.

Second warning: This post is long to depict several developing scenes!

... ... ... ... ...

Alakazam & Politoed

Taking some time to adjust along the mountainside, Alakazam attempts to bond with Politoed by reading a story, but...

...

“Oh, this reminds me of an old legend that I read a while back,” recalled Alakazam. “It was the one about the two dragons.”

“Those two that were always together even though they were like opposites in a few ways?”

“Yes! Ah, I thought I was the only one that still knew about that.” Alakazam chuckled. “It was such a lovely story, there were a few versions, a few different pairs of dragons, but they…” He hesitated as his eyes twitched. “Uh, they were sometimes…”

“…It’s usually stories about them becoming lovers, in spite of the opposite natures, right?” Politoed waited as Alakazam faced him. “…Alakazam?”

“Sorry, it, ah…we just both enjoyed…” A tear slipped from his eye. “It…”

Politoed waited a moment, as another tear cascaded from Alakazam, and then a few more started to come out. He got up as Alakazam turned, and they hugged as he sobbed into Politoed, still patting him.

... ... ...

Shaping Up A Magic Knight

Alakazam offers to tutor Politoed with dabbling into magic, which the curious latter is somewhat hesitant about.

...

“I don’t know if magic is really my thing, Alakazam.” Politoed scratched at his head. “My brother was always the stronger between us, sure, but I still think that I’m capable enough relying on my natural abilities.”

“Well, you’re certainly not learning with that attitude,” muttered Alakazam.

“Don’t we have enough magicians on the team?” Politoed placed his hand on his hip. “There’s Delphox, even if he is blind. Then we’ve got Gardevoir, Lilligant, Froslass, Mewtwo, and you.” He shrugged. “I don’t think there’s much of a need for me to join those ranks.”

“You do realize that you could become incredibly more powerful if you could combine physical efforts with magical ones, correct?”

“Like Lucario?”

“Yes, exactly.”

“But he’s not really that invincible.” Politoed gazed down at the tome in his hands. “I just don’t know about this…”

“It is entirely your choice,” relented Alakazam. “Perhaps I’m trying to overcompensate, but I do truly believe that you would be a capable candidate for such combinations.” He lowered his eyes. “It’s certainly a unique avenue to explore.”

“Don’t really need that anymore,” mumbled Politoed.

“Sorry, that’s not how I meant it.” Alakazam sighed. “It’s just that not many knights do get such an opportunity to pull this off. Just…think it over a little more, when you have a chance.”

He strolled away from Politoed, who watched him for a moment, and then returned his attention to the tome.

... ... ...

Machamp & Poliwrath

Completing an early trial battle against rivals, Machamp and Poliwrath celebrate their win for a moment. Neither is good for comforting.

...

“Ha!” Machamp placed his lower hands on his hips and beamed. “Tough battle, but nothing that the two Empire powerhouses can’t handle!”

“You know it!” Poliwrath smacked Machamp’s back. “You and me, tough as they come!”

“Yeah, together for…ever…”

Poliwrath watched as Machamp slouched. “…That something you two—?”

“It was a little phrase we had,” murmured Machamp, hastily rubbing at his eyes. “Since we were kids, we always brought it up, and the way his face lit up whenever we brought it up, I just…he was so happy, and I, uh…sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Poliwrath patted Machamp’s lower arm. “It’s not like I’m any better off. We’re managing, we just need…more time…”

“Maybe a lot more…”

“…Probably, yeah…”

... ... ...

Enchanting Performances

Poliwrath and Machamp join Greninja and Chesnaught in their review of majestic performances between competing artists, including their friends.

...

“These performers are great!” Poliwrath rubbed his hands together. “Tonight’s been fantastic, don’t you think?”

“Well, yeah, I guess so!” Machamp slumped back in his chair. “I feel like I’d appreciate more styles if I studied up more on cultures and less on legends.”

“It’s not just the dancers, though they are amazing!” Poliwrath chuckled. “Lilligant, I was expecting. Him? Definitely not.”

“Tell me about it!” I grinned as I turned to Greninja nudging him at the other table. “Someone definitely enjoyed that one for sure.”

“How about the singers?” Poliwrath drummed on the table. “Primarina, I was expecting him to be as flawless as he was. But that Leavanny? Who knew she had that kind of a voice in her, huh?”

“She did that entirely without her band,” agreed Machamp. “…Did anyone else cry from that song? I feel kind of silly if only I did.”

“No way, I was bawling,” piped up Poliwrath. “That emotion was too overwhelming for me!”

“It makes sense why she…um.” Machamp and Poliwrath watched me as I glanced aside. “Uh, don’t worry about that.”

... ... ...

Poliwrath & Alakazam 

After traveling up the first leg of the mountains journey, Alakazam thanks Poliwrath for his help, and comforts him when it goes sideways.

...

“You know, the lake up here reminded me that I don’t think I got the chance to thank you properly.” Alakazam smiled at Poliwrath. “Your quick thinking got me out from the water so swiftly, and I barely processed what had even happened the whole while.”

“Ah, I was just panicking a bit,” admitted Poliwrath. “Saw someone in the water scrambling a bit, so I just wanted to make sure you didn’t drown or anything!”

“In spite of being around water so long, if I hadn’t been careful, I could have.” Alakazam laughed. “Can you imagine? That would’ve been dreadful.” He sighed and smiled to Poliwrath. “So, thank you again for pulling me out.”

“Nah, no worries.” Poliwrath rolled his eyes. “Wasn’t much trouble, you’re light enough, though heavier than I was expecting.”

“Really?” Alakazam rubbed at his arm. “I think that’s a first.”

“Oh, no, sorry, that was stupid of me.” Poliwrath clutched at his head. “I just meant, you know, you were heavier than who I was…expecting…”

“…Ah.”

“Can’t believe how much of an ass I am,” grumbled Poliwrath. “Alakazam, I’m sorry, that wasn’t called for.”

“Missing your brother is as normal as a sunset, Poliwrath,” insisted Alakazam. “My heart aches over Machamp, so I understand.”

“Yeah, but it’s…I just…” Poliwrath slouched. “…I didn’t think I’d ever miss him the way that I do now, you know? He was just always there, so I never…I never…”

He jumped as Alakazam gently placed his hand over Poliwrath’s arm. He twisted to him, and Alakazam nodded, softly smiling. Tears welled up in Poliwrath’s eyes and he hastily brushed them away.

... ... ...

Teleportation Troubles

In the middle of a trial, Poliwrath struggles to regain his bearings after Alakazam warps them around a bit.

...

“Hang on.”

Alakazam placed his hand behind Poliwrath and they disappeared in a flash. Another one flickered from behind me, and I spun back to them.

“Ugh…” Poliwrath shuddered. “How do you do that all the time?”

“What? It’s a quick warp.” Alakazam folded his arms. “Don’t tell me you get motion sickness. You swim!”

“It’s not the motion, but that felt weird for me…” He looked at Alakazam, and then to me. “Neither of you seriously feel anything with that?”

“Well, I can sink into shadows and travel in this weird space that lets me quietly approach enemies,” I reasoned. “Plus, ninjas do a lot of vanishing acts all of the time…so, no.”

“And it’s literally second nature for me,” reminded Alakazam.

“Ooh, you guys are weird…”

“You’re one to talk, Mister Mouthless.”

“It’s right here!” Poliwrath pointed at his body, but I just blinked at him. I turned to Alakazam, who shrugged his shoulders. “Aw, come on!”

... ... ...

Politoed & Machamp

Surviving an early mountains trial mishap, Machamp thanks Politoed for his rescue, but this stirs memories for the frog.

...

“Can’t believe I almost drowned out there again,” joked Machamp. “Thanks a bundle for rescuing me a second time, Politoed!”

“Ah, you know, we’re natural-born swimmers.” Politoed laughed as Machamp grinned at him.

“You Water Types make it look so easy, but I do know how to swim too,” teased Machamp. “Grew up around water like anyone else in the Empire!”

“Sure, we all learned swimming, luckily for Empoleon.” Politoed tapped at his cheek. “Makes me wonder what he’d do with someone that couldn’t swim.” He sighed. “You know, Poliwrath used to help me out a lot when we first started. I don’t think I’d be as capable in the water without him.”

“No?”

“Maybe at some point, but…” Politoed sank down. “…Maybe I’m not as much of a natural as I claimed.” He looked to Machamp, who reached over to him. “He was such an ass when we were, you know how, back home, but…when we were young, and I was scared at first, because I had a bad experience with water very early on, but he was so patient and he…he…”

“He was with you whenever you needed him,” finished Machamp, and he lightly rubbed Politoed’s head.

“…Yeah…” Politoed heaved. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to go on without him…”

“It takes time, but we’ll get there,” assured Machamp. “Remember, you’re not alone.”

“Right, of course.” Politoed smiled to Machamp, picking himself back up. “Thank you.”

... ... ...

Making a Mighty Bouncer

As they continue to climb and deal with the mountains, Machamp decides to try a different kind of confidence booster for Politoed.

...

“There’s got to be a way that we can climb up there.”

“If we can’t climb or fly, how about we just have someone bounce?” Machamp glanced to Politoed, who jumped up.

“Me? Bounce that high?” He shook his head. “Are you crazy?”

“Come on, you can make that!” Machamp crouched down and cupped his lower hands together. “Here, I’ll even give you a boost!”

“No way!” Politoed winced. “You throw hard and far!”

“Right, you combine that with your bounce, and that’ll help you soar further up!” Machamp rubbed his head. “Unless you’re too scared, I guess.”

“What was that?”

“Hm? Oh, nothing.”

“Are you making fun of me?”

“Nah, just thinking that you’re too, ah, timid for it?” Machamp shrugged his shoulders and lifted his upper arms. “But, it’s fine. We can think of--”

“Just shut up and get ready to throw me,” grumbled Politoed, to Machamp’s delight.

... ... ... ... ...

(Remember, these are scenes in development. However, this is what you can look forward to, should the vote tallies of two additional options be close enough together! See if you can get their combined return for the stories!)

(Head back to the poll here!)

(Still not sure or want to read more? Check back here!)

#a hero's second wind

[ts1989fanatic]

Taylor Swift Bent the Music Industry to Her Will

In the 2010s, she became its savviest power player.

In late November 2019, Taylor Swift gave a career-spanning performance at the American Music Awards before accepting the statue for Artist of the Decade. (Swift was perhaps the perfect cross between the award’s two previous recipients, Britney Spears and Garth Brooks.) Clad in a cascading rose-colored cape and holding court among the younger female artists in attendance — 17-year-old Billie Eilish, 22-year-old Camila Cabello, 25-year-old Halsey — Swift had the queenly air of an elder stateswoman. After picking up five additional awards, including Artist of the Year, she became the show’s most decorated artist in history. “This is such a great year in music. The new artists are insane,” she declared in her acceptance speech, with big-sister gravitas. That night, she finally outgrew that “Who, me?” face of perpetual awards-show surprise; she accepted the honors she won like an artist who believed she had worked hard enough to deserve them.

Swift cut an imposing adult figure up there, because somewhere along the line she’d become one. The 2010s have coincided almost exactly with Swift’s 20s, with the subtle image changes and maturations across her last five album cycles coming to look like an Animorphs cover of a savvy and talented young woman gradually growing into her power. And so to reflect on the Decade in Taylor Swift is to assess not just her sonic evolutions but her many industry chess moves: She took Spotify to task in a Wall Street Journal op-ed and got Apple to reverse its policy of not paying artists royalties during a three-month free trial of its music-streaming service. She sued a former radio DJ for allegedly groping her during a photo op and demanded just a symbolic victory of $1, as if to say the money wasn’t the point. Critics wondered whether she was leaning too heavily on her co-writers, so she wrote her entire 2010 album, Speak Now, herself, without any collaborators. In 2018, she severed ties with her longtime label, Big Machine Records, and negotiated a new contract with Universal Music Group that gave her ownership of her masters and assurance that she (and any other artist on the label) would be paid out if UMG ever sold its Spotify shares. Yes, she stoked the flames of her celebrity feuds with Kanye West, Kim Kardashian West, and Katy Perry plenty over the past ten years, but she’s also focused some of her combative energy on tackling systemic problems and fashioning herself into something like the music industry’s most high-profile vigilante. Few artists have made royalty payments and the minutiae of entertainment-law front-page news as often as Swift has.

Within the industry, Swift has always had the reputation of being something of a songwriting savant (in 2007, when “Our Song” was released, then-17-year-old Swift became the youngest person ever to write and perform a No. 1 song on the Billboard Country chart), but she has long desired to be considered an industry power player, too. A 2011 New Yorker profile of Swift circa her blockbuster Speak Now World Tour noted that she initially intended to follow her parents’ footsteps and pursue a career in business, quoting her saying, “I didn’t know what a stockbroker was when I was 8, but I would just tell everybody that’s what I was going to be.” In an even earlier interview, she fondly recalled the times in elementary school when she stayed up late with her mother, practicing for school presentations. “I’m sick of women not being able to say that they have strategic business minds — because male artists are allowed to,” she said this year in an unusually candid Rolling Stone interview. “And I’m so sick and tired of having to pretend like I don’t mastermind my own business.” Of course, she still spent plenty of time sitting at her piano or strumming her guitar, but in that conversation she painted herself as someone who is also “sit[ting] in a conference room several times a week,” coming up with ideas about how best to market her music and her career.

And so over the past decade, Swift’s face has appeared not just on magazine covers and television screens, but on UPS trucks and Amazon packages. Her songs have been featured in Target commercials and NFL spots, to name just two of her many lucrative partnerships. That New Yorker profile also found her to be uncommonly enthused about the fact that her CDs were being sold in Starbucks: “I was so stoked about it, because it’s been one of my goals — I always go into Starbucks, and I wished that they would sell my album.”

“Taylor Swift is something like the Sheryl Sandberg of pop music,” Hazel Cills wrote recently in Jezebel. “She has propelled her career from tiny country artist into pop machine over the past few years with little shame when it comes to corporate collaborators.” Such brazen femme-capitalism will always be a turnoff to some people (“the Sheryl Sandberg of pop music” is even less of a compliment in 2019 than it was when Lean In was first published), but it’s undeniable that it has helped Swift maintain and leverage her status as a commercial juggernaut more consistently than any other pop star over the past ten years.

In the 2010s, with the clockwork certainty of a midterm election, there was a Taylor Swift album every other autumn. (Yes, there was a three-year gap between 1989 and Reputation, but she all but made up for it with the quick timing of August’s Lover.) The kinds of pop superstars considered her peers did not stick to such rigid schedules: Adele released two studio albums this decade, Beyoncé released three, and even Rihanna — who for the first three years of the decade was averaging an album a year — eventually slowed her roll and will have released just four when the 2010s are all said and done. The only A-plus-list musician who saturated the market as steadily as Swift did this decade was Drake.

Still, Drake’s commercial dominance was more of a newfangled phenomenon, capitalizing on the industry’s sudden reliance on streaming and his massive popularity on platforms like Spotify and Apple Music. Drake might be the artist who rode the streaming wave most successfully this decade, but — with her strategic withholding of her albums from certain platforms until they better compensated artists — Swift was often the one bending it to her will. And she could do that because she didn’t need to rely on it solely: Somehow, against all odds, Taylor Swift still sold records. Like, gazillions of them. When Swift’s 2017 record, Reputation (some critics thought it was a critical misstep, but it certainly wasn’t a commercial one), moved 1.216 million units in its first seven days, Swift became the only artist in history to achieve four different million-selling weeks. And, of course, all four of these weeks came during a decade when traditional album sales were on a precipitous decline. At least for those mere mortals who were not an all-powerful being named Taylor Alison Swift.

“Female empowerment” has been such an ambient, unquestioned virtue of the pop culture of this decade that we have too often failed to take a step back and ask ourselves what sort of power is being advocated for, and if its attainment should always be a cause for celebration. Is “female empowerment” any different from the hollow, materialistic promises of the late ’90s “girl power”? Is “female power” inherently different or more benevolent than its default male counterpart? Maybe this feels like such a distinctly American hang-up because we have not yet experienced that mythic, oft-imagined figure of the First Female President, and have thus not had to contend with the cold reality that, whoever she is, she will, like all of us, be inevitably flawed, imperfect, and at least occasionally disappointing.

As she’s grown into her own brand of 21st-century American pop feminism — sometimes elegantly, sometimes gawkily — Swift seems to have come to a firm conviction that female power is essentially more virtuous than the male variety. This was a side of herself she celebrated in her AMA performance. Swift opened her medley with a few fiery bars of “The Man,” her own personalized daydream of what gender equality would look like: “I’m so sick of running as fast as I can,” she sings, “wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man.” She wore an oversize white button-down onto which the titles of her old albums were stamped in a correctional-facility font: SPEAK NOW, RED, 1989, REPUTATION. Plenty of the millions of people who scrutinize Swift’s every move interpreted her choice of outfit and song as not-so-subtle jabs at Big Machine’s Scott Borchetta and the manager-to-the-stars Scooter Braun, with whom Swift is still in a messy, uncommonly public battle over the fate of her master recordings. (The only album title missing from her outfit was “LOVER,” which happens to be the only one of which she has full ownership.) She has framed the terms of her battle with Borchetta and Braun in strikingly gendered language: “These are two very rich, very powerful men, using $300 million of other people’s money to purchase, like, the most feminine body of work,” she told Rolling Stone. “And then they’re standing in a wood-panel bar doing a tacky photo shoot, raising a glass of Scotch to themselves.” Though she is herself a very rich, very powerful woman, she reads their message to be unquestionably condescending: Be a good little girl and shut up.

It is true that many record contracts are designed to take advantage of young artists, and that young women and people of color are probably perceived by music executives to be the marks most vulnerable to exploitation. But it is also true that Swift signed a legally binding contract, the kind that a businesswoman like herself would have to respect if it were signed by somebody else. Braun, who has been asking to have these negotiations in private rather than on Twitter, claims to have received death threats from her fans.

Even as she’s grown into one of the most dominant pop-culture figures in the world, Swift sometimes still seems to be clinging to her old underdog identity, to the extent that she can fail to grasp the magnitude of her own power or account for the blind spots of her privilege. “Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me,” she sang on Speak Now’s Grammy-winning 2010 single “Mean,” seemingly oblivious to the fact that, compared to 99.99 percent of the population, she already was. The mid-decade backlash to Swift’s thin-white-celebrity-and-model-studded “girl squad” — none of which was more incisive than Lara Marie Schoenhals’s hilarious parody video — took her by surprise. “I never would have imagined that people would have thought, This is a clique that wouldn’t have accepted me if I wanted to be in it … I thought it was going to be we can still stick together, just like men are allowed to.”

“Female power” is not automatically faultless, and can of course be tainted by all other sorts of biases and assumptions about class, race, and sexual orientation, to name just a few more common pitfalls. Swift’s face-palm-inducing 2015 misunderstanding with Nicki Minaj revealed this, of course, and plenty of people felt that her sudden embrace of the LGBTQ community in the “You Need to Calm Down” was a clumsy overcorrection for her past silence. Maybe she would have gotten where she was quicker if she were a man. But it would take a more complicated, and perhaps less catchy, song to acknowledge she might not have gotten there at all had she not also enjoyed other privileges.

Art has its own kind of power — sneakier and harder to measure than the economic kind. The reason Taylor Swift has been worth talking about incessantly for an entire decade is that she continues to wield this kind, too. “I don’t think her commercial responsibilities detract from her genuine passion for her craft,” a then-17-year-old Tavi Gevinson wrote in a memorable 2013 essay for The Believer. “Have you ever watched her in interviews when she gets asked about her actual songwriting? She becomes that kid who’s really into the science fair.”

After so much industry drama, much of the lived-in, self-reflective Lover is a simple reminder that Swift was and still is a singular songwriter. Yes, this was the decade of such loud, flashy missteps as “Look What You Made Me Do,” “Welcome to New York,” and “Me!,” but it was also a decade of so many quieter triumphs: the pulsing synesthesia of “Red,” the nervous heart flutter of “Delicate,” the sleek sophistication of “Style,” the concise lyricism of “Mean,” the cathartic fun of “22,” the slow-dance swoon of “Lover.” But like so many of her fans, and even Swift herself, I still find the most enduringly powerful song she’s ever written to be “All Too Well,” the smoldering breakup scrapbook released on her great 2012 album Red. “Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well,” she sings, an innocent enough lyric that, by the end of the song, comes to glint like a switchblade. In a decade of DGAF, ghosting, and performative chill, remembering it all too well might be Swift’s stealthiest superpower. She felt it deeply, can still access that feeling whenever she needs to, and that means she can size you up in a line as concisely cutting as “so casually cruel in the name of being honest.” Forget Jake Gyllenhaal or John Mayer. That’s the sort of observation that would bring Goliath to his knees.

“It is still the case that when listeners hear a female voice, they do not hear a voice that connotes authority,” the historian Mary Beard writes in her manifesto Women & Power, “or rather they have not learned how to hear authority in it.” At least in the realm of pop music, Swift has spent the better part of her decade chipping away at that double standard, and teaching people how to think about cultural power a little bit differently. She sprinkled artful emblems of teen-girl-speak through her smash hits (“Uhhh he calls me and he’s like, ‘I still love you,’ and I’m like, ‘This is exhausting, we are never getting back together, like, ever”) and did not abandon her effusive love of kittens and butterflies in order to be taken seriously. As an artist and a businesswoman, she made the power of teen girls — and the women who used to be them — that much more perilous to ignore. Because they’ve been there all along, and they remember all too well.

[kpop-rambles]

Goodbye 2019. Hello 2020.

To celebrate the new year - which a lot of people are celebrating right now, I’m sure, unfortunately not me yet - I decided to create this post. I don’t know how to explain it but if you like kpop, keep reading!

My Top 3 Songs of 2019

1. SKZ - Miroh

This song got me into my now ult group, Stray Kids. Those 9 boys have honestly made this year 10x better for me. Chan’s VLives definitely helped me when I was upset, and the members made me feel emotions by their side. I’m so glad that add of Miroh appeared and I chose to watch it because I may have not gotten into Stray Kids without it. 

2. ATEEZ - Wave

Again, another song that got me into the group. I heard the song in a video where they played huge jenga at Kcon... I think? Anyways, this song is another banger and you completely fall in love with it first listen. You won’t regret listening to this.

3. TWICE - Fancy

I got into TWICE when they released YES OR YES, but FANCY is the song that you can’t not fall in love with. I did on my 2nd listen and man, if you’re saying you didn’t learn the dance and bopped to this song, you are LYING because- let’s be honest - everyone said FANCY SOTY. 

Groups I began stanning in 2019 its felt like forever tho

Stray Kids - March 26th. You think I would forget? 

ATEEZ - August 18th. Another date I remember, because I spent a good 2 hours getting to memorize the members name and faces. Was so happy when I finally did it. 

iKON - Honestly, I was more of a Double B stan since January until Hanbin left. I loved their songs but I never got to know the rest of the members, except for Jinhwan. 

ChungHa - Snapping dragged me in. That’s all I gotta say. Although, ngl, Gotta Go was something I always tried to dance to. 

KARD - Again, Bomb Bomb just pulled me into the fandom. The rest of their discography made me stay. I sang along to Bomb Bomb everyday for a good 3 months. It was honestly EVERYTHING to me and then Dumb Litty came and stole my heart and KARD did it AGAIN.

Mamamoo - gogobebe. Do I really need to say anything else?

GOT7 - I’m pretty sure I got into them because, well everyone knows GOT7. They’re a name everyone knows if you like kpop, so I just wanted to get into them. Eclipse and You Calling My Name are songs I’ll dance and singalong to in the right mood and right part of the song. But their personalities dragged me in. I’m pretty sure BamBam also attracted me when he was on Stray Kids reality show. 

Day6 - Time Of Our Life. I decided to listen to it because Seungmin of Stray Kids was a big fan of them and I was like, it shouldn’t hurt to try. Seungmin made me want to watch and Day6 made me want to stay. They don’t make ANY bad songs. 

Everglow - March 18. Listened to Bon Bon Chocolat when it came out, and I was honestly scared ppl were gonna sleep on them cause ITZY debuted a month before. Fortunately, everyone noticed their talent. 

BigBang - I dunno just listened to one of their songs. And, of course, I fell in love. Too late to stan them while they were active, but I’m expecting something in 2020... just saaying.

NCT - All of the subunits. Honestly there were so many of them, I spent time taking tests to tell them apart. The struggle to stan these boys. Instantly fell in with the Dreamies. And then I found out they weren’t a fixed unit... My heart shattered. It’s still breaking because 4 OF THEM ARE LEAVING. or left. I dunno. 

Tomorrow by Together - They were probably the most anticipated group of this year. I remember ppl hyping them up in October of 2018! Predebut stan right here. (I just remembered that I thought the preview of each member was coming out in age order and thinking that Beomgyu was the youngest. And I was just like WHERE IS HEUNINGKAI FROM?!?!)

ITZY - remember when everyone thought that itzy’s debut was rushed because info about them was leaked. yeah, i forgot too. anyways, again I was a predebut stan. 

(G)- idle - i always listened to their title tracks and I began stanning them during Queendom after their Fire cover im listening to 2ne1 2015 mama fire performance rn lol.... omg bom’s han cover just started playing. spotify is watching me guys.

Somi - Birthday was a bop. fight me. outfits sucked, gotta agree with that opinion I didn’t rlly know much about IOI but I started stanning because Jenchu were fangirling to it i mean jennie twerked for it!

Jimin Park - I’m out here still streaming STAY BEAUTIFUL. honestly she’s so loveable. her personality and her voice are everything. how can you not like her

My Top 5 Groups of the Year

1. STRAY KIDS - A lot of the reasons I luv them are the same as ATEEZ. That’s why ateez are close to being my number one, but honestly these 9 boys are everything to me. 9 or NONE FOREVER. They have been through so much this year and I hope they STAY strong for 2020. In their 2020 seasons greeting they announced a full album next year, so I’m ready to follow these boys on their journey no matter how many stay or leave. I’m a STAY for a reason. 

2. ATEEZ - PERSONALITY. I’m also a sucker for groups that shove their love for each other in your face. 8 makes 1 team, y’know? Hongjoong and Mingi are amazing rappers, Jongho, Wooyoung and San’s vocals tho, Yunho and Seonghwa’s deep voices are the death of me, and Yeosang dancing. They’re talented and luvable and that’s all I need for an ult group. also all their songs are bops

3. Mamamoo - Honestly would’ve tied with Twice but these I’m a sucker for them as ppl as well, and I need that to luv a group. they ain’t fake, they slap information in your face and they are POWERFUL WOMAN. (Not saying twice aren’t ofcourse) And these girls vocals are on POINT. Moonbyul is rapper material, but have you heard the girl song? What an angel. Their songs are all slaps, especially the most recent ones. 

4. TWICE - This was their year? yes or yes. Fancy soty. Feel Special was a great title track, don’t get me wrong, bUT HAVE YOU HEARD THE FULL ALBUM. Every song is my AMAZING. omg rainbow is playing

5. NCT DREAM - These boys stole my heart, I only stanned nct because of them. Honestly seeing the 00 line leave breaks my heart.

My Top 5 girl group and boy group songs

gg songs were honestly so hard to pick, they thrived and SO many good songs were made in 2019. But here is my list. 

1. Fancy - soty

2. Hip - this song was everything from the choreo to the song itself to the girls energy performing it

3. Psycho - came out like last week but it’s in everyone's top 10 of this year. Beautiful song that won’t get outta my head. getwellsoonwendy.

4.Violeta - this is another song that won’t get out of my head. honestly none of these songs will. ok so the final dance part after the drop of violeta pisses me off because the dance could is so powerful and that part comes and it’s such a disappointment but it’s the only part I can do so i shouldn't complain  but the song itself is very catchy. I don’t want these girls to disband even if the votes were rigged because they make a good group and sing bangers. i don't want them to leeeave.

5.Lion - the song is just so powerful. other songs they’ve made are good, but the chorus is usually a disappointment because the pre chorus is so good but EVERYTHING is great about Lion. Didn’t like it at first for some reason, i dunno why, but once you give it a few more listens you’ll fall in love. 

Now onto the boy groups. They made quite a few bangers this year as well.

1. Miroh - It’s my no.1 of the year. watchu expect?

2. Wave - and this is my no.2. Again, what else would I put here?

3. Run Away - what. a. bop. still can’t get out of my head. Crown was a disappointment to me after 1000 listens but not Run Away. A bonus is the Harry Potter references. With that I just was head over heels in love. Txt didn’t fail to disappoint with their comeback even if it was pushed back. 

4. Boom - This song made me fall in love with the talent that NCT DREAM holds despite being so young. Sang along for a few months. Actually, it’s still in my head. 

5. Make It Right - I was doing title tracks for all these but then I realised there has to be an exception because I just really like this song, especially the one featuring Lauv. Boy with luv wasn’t it for me but every other song on Persona is a straight up masterpiece (ok an exaggeration but u get what i mean)

Now onto the soloists (they’re all female, sry not sry)

1. Chica - I was debating whether to put Snapping or this but decided with Chica. Honestly the vocals, the song, the dance, the MESSAGE, is everything. I love it, it empowers woman, it makes ME feel good, and it’s what some people really need sometimes. So, thank you ChungHa. 

2. Gotta Go - another bop by our queen ChungHa, she really ruled this year. I didn’t stan her when it came out but that doesn’t mean I didn’t do the ‘deulshi’ part whenever I heard it. iconic.

3. Twit - Again another iconic bop from this year. (i thought this masterpiece came out last year, i dunno why but it just is so 2018 for some reason? I dunno) Hwasa’s solo debut really was everything. So was Moonbyul’s which unfortunately didn't make it on the list but I would say it’s in between 5th to 7th for me. 

4. Stay Beautiful - Such a beautiful song, it was a shame Jamie had to leave but she left JYP saying that they lost smth PRECIOUS and they would regret it and she conveyed all that in one song without hinting at it. So many quote worthy lyrics were in the song and it just bring up my mood and my standard for vocals. Don’t sleep on this girl, y’all. 

5. Birthday - the song brought out mixed reactions from everyone but i LOVED IT. It did get a bit old but it’s still something you’ll find me singing along to every now and then. 

ARTISTS THAT STOOD OUT TO ME THIS YEAR 

1. Bang Chan of Stray Kids. I love him. He’s such a great leader, he’s a loveable person, he’s all rounded and he fucks up sometimes but he acknowledges it and fixes it. He went through so much shit this year and he deserves so much more. I, along with many other STAYs are gonna make 2020 a better year for him and all of his group. Stay strong Chan! But besides his personality his stage presence, his rapping, his singing, his producing, his energy, his personality, it all made him someone who was always on my mind. 

2. Yeonjun of Tomorrow x Together. He’s also very well rounded and he really stands out to me from all the other 4th gens. Whenever I see a performance by TXT he always grabs my attention even when he’s not the main focus. I love his dancing, it’s very eye catching to me, along with his stage presence. He never loses his energy on stage and I expect a lot from him in 2020! His rapping and singing are amazing as well, especially for a rookie. Also when they first debuted he cried a lot, which was very heartwarming to me because idols showing emotion other than happy is something I appreciate, because it lets me remember they’re human too.

3. Seulgi of Red Velvet. She’s, again, very well rounded. I’m not really a Reveluv, but Wendy and Seulgi are vocalists who really stand out to me so those to kind of make me want to listen to Red Velvet’s songs. She’s an amazing vocalist, like words can’t express how much a love this woman's voice. Her stage presence is amazing as well, she’s just a really good performer imo.

4. Jihyo and Nayeon of TWICE. First of all I really like their personality and how powerful they are. Honestly a wink from them and I’m falling of my chair. Secondly, I don’t know if anyone's noticed but I really like powerful female vocals, and these two have extremely POWERFUL vocals. Have you heard them sing? Just... POWERFUL, that’s all I can really say to describe their voices. 

5. Mingi and Hongjoong of ATEEZ. They are rapper that are gonna blow away the whole industry with 3racha, I mean they already have. Did y’all see their performance in MAMA. The RAWEST vocals I heard that whole show. They were obviously not lip syncing, you could hear Mingi panting and he didn’t rap a whole line, and I LOVE that because it is RAW and we need more raw vocals or atleast breaths heard when the artists are dancing because it makes the performance more REAL. also stage presence is amazing from these two, they really know how to hype up a crowd. 

ROOKIE GROUPS I EXPECT A LOT FROM NEXT YEAR

sorry my expectations are high for them, but they have stood out tome so much and i couldn’t stand to see them flop. 

1. TOMORROW X TOGETHER - they’ve been on this list quite a lot, and I really appreciate their individual talents along with them as a group. I REALLY want to see them improve and grow more next year because they were really pushed this year, being BTS’s juniors. I’m sure they were really stressed but I want them to become TOMORROW BY TOGETHER not BTS’s juniors. Probably won’t happen in a year but hopefully in the next decade.

2. ITZY - another group really known for theing the juniors of TWICE this time. The title tracks they released so far have all been listen to it the first time, you don;t like it, but listen to it the 2nd time and it’s stuck in your head for the next 7 months. Honestly if they keep going like this, it would be like a ITZY thing, and I honestly wouldn’t mind. 

3. EVERGLOW - i think everyone just saw bon bon chocolat, gave it a listen, and loved it. but i also heard it was produced by someone who helped produce Crown by TXT and Spring Day by BTS, so there’s another reason ppl may have liked it so much. Adios wasn’t a disappointment at all.  Of course, I would also love it if Everglow kept up the “nanana” thing in each of their title tracks.

4. ATEEZ - I don’t think they’ll flop at all next year. I know they just had their 1st year anniversary, but I wouldn’t mind a full album... either way, Imma stick with them because they’ve only released that good shit so far and I’m honestly expecting a somewhat mediocre song at least once in their career next year. Not expecting it though. 

5. ONEUS - I haven’t’t talked about them yet but all of oneus’s title tracks are absolute gold. I am a mess for Valkyrie, Twilight AND Lit. They’re all just AMAZING songs. I mean, what did we expect from Mamamoo’s juniors but. They are REALLY good. Just go listen to all their title tracks rn. 

And finally, wishes for 2020

- Of course, Wendy to recover after her tragic incident at SBS. Again, I hope she recovers well

- Mina to come back from her hiatus, only if she’s ready to, of course

- BLACKPINK FULL ALBUM. ROSE SOLO. PLEASE.

- Of course, 4th gen to thrive along with 3rd gen and 2nd gen groups

- A full album from stray kids (which was confirmed) and again, maybe for ATEEZ? just maybe? 

- More attention for Mamamoo. They are underrated queens. 

- Less hate for Tomorrow By Together. People bash them just because they’re BTS’s juniors. they would be praised a less but definitely not doubted way more if they weren’t under Bighit. Yeah, they get luxuries other groups won’t but that doesn’t mean people should degrade them for it. 

And with that

I wish everyone a Happy New Year. May your next decade be filled with happiness and joy! omg fancy started playing

also i didn’t have time to properly edit this. then again i am a rambling blog, so what are you expecting?

#kpop #twice #mamamoo #txt #bts #kpop 2020 #ateez #everglow #itzy #oneus #jyp #kpop 4th gen #chung ha #somi #queen hwasa #jimin park #chica #snapping #gotta go #twit #stay beautiful #birthday #stray kids #got7 #bang chan #choi yeonjun #kang seulgi #im nayeon #park jihyo #song mingi

[themildestofwriters]

Writing Ask Game

Thanks to the magnificent @gottaenjoythelittlethingzz​ for tagging me in this wonderful little tag.

I don’t think I’m going to choose one WIP rather just the universe itself – The Divine Intervention universe. By that, I mean I’ll be doing it for these two novels I’m working on: Divine Intervention or: What Comes After Immortality? & The Trials and Tribulations of a Virgin Goddess.

1. Describe the plot in one sentence.

Divine Intervention or: What Comes After Immortality? 

A goddess and a girl meet at a bus stop and while things are a bit awkward at first, they soon begin hitting it off and begin regular correspondence, however, there’s something more lurking under the surface that neither of them wish to peruse and that one thing is forgiveness and love respectively.

The Trials and Tribulations of a Virgin Goddess

Sex and Babette go together as well as water and oil, yet it was not always this way and in this story she decides to heal herself, to improve herself, and to choose love over her almost selfish desire to dwell on the past and wallow in a pit of guilt and suffering.

2. Pick one sight, smell, sound, feel, and taste to describe the aesthetic of your novel.

Divine Intervention or: What Comes After Immortality?

Flashes of blood, death and gore in the small hours of the night. The smell of petrichor as rain descends. The sound of deathly silence. The feel of soft arms holding you tightly. The metallic taste of blackened blood coughed from the lungs.

The Trials and Tribulations of a Virgin Goddess

Bodies intertwined in a lover’s embrace. The smell of lust in the air. The sound of ceaseless screaming. The feel of suffocating pain and smooth stone. The bittersweet taste of lip balm.

3. Which 3+ songs would make up a playlist for the novel?

Because I’m not very knowledgeable on music myself, this list is filled only with songs I have on my phone.

Divine Intervention or: What Comes After Immortality?

“Viva La Vida” by Coldplay; “Accidentally In Love” by Counting Crows; “Superman (It’s Not Easy)” by Five for Fighting; “Stressed Out” by Twenty-One Pilots; “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran

The Trials and Tribulations of a Virgin Goddess

“Somewhere Over The Rainbow” by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole; “All of Me” by John Legend; “Let Her Go” by Passenger; “Like A Virgin” by Madonna; “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri

4. What’s the time period and location in which the novel takes place.

Both books take place in the modern era and mostly in Salisbury/Adelaide, South Australia. WCAI? takes place in 2016 and TTVG takes place in 2017. However, at least specifically in TTVG, it does take place in other countries with Babette visiting Japan, America and perhaps even England as either a part of her job (Street Performer) or as the plot demands.

5. Is this a standalone or a part in a series?

Well…

6. Are there any former titles you’ve considered but discarded?

For WCAI? I only had Divine Interruption and for TTVG there was “Babette Visits A Sex Shop” “Babette Visits An Adult Shop” and The Weird and Wonderful Sexual Awakening of Babette Mewlyn.

7. What’s the first line of your novel?

I have a tendency to only have a single line to begin a book.

Divine Intervention or: What Comes After Immortality?

“The sky was a dark crimson haze.”

or

“It was supposed to be a bright and sunny Saturday morning in suburban Adelaide.”

The Trials and Tribulations of a Virgin Goddess

“We had planned this for nearly an entire week now and today was the day.”

8. What’s a dialogue you’re particularly proud of?

“ “心配しないで,” she said, a devilish smirk twisting onto her lips. “少なくとも 見る かわいく 、ジョセフィーン様.” “ – Divine Intervention or: What Comes After Immortality? Chapter 2(draft)

If you’ve got a problem with my Japanese, please tell me because I’m winging it on Google Translate and outdated information.

“ “It—it hurts.” It took all my power to just say that and once I did, I was hit by a new wave of grief—of agony—of heart-rending guilt. ” – The Trials and Tribulations of Babette Melwyn Chapter 3(draft)

9. Which line from the novel most represents it as a whole?

“It—it hurts.”

10. Who are your character faceclaims?

Babette… well, I’m tossing up between these girls: Jaimie Alexander; Abbey Lee Kershaw; Amanda Seyfried; Astrid Berges-Frisbey; Zoey Deutch; and Willa Holland.

For Josephine, she’s a bit difficult to find a face claim for. If you’d like to help, that would be appreciated but so far, I’ve not found anything that fits her yet.

11. Sort your characters into Harry Potter houses!

Babette Melwyn – Slytherin

Josephine Williams – Hufflepuff

Henrietta Phillips – Ravenclaw

Maria Camhain-Schmidt – Gryffindor

Kurt Schmidt – Gryffindor

Flynn Camhain-Schmidt – Hufflepuff

Adrien Williams – Hufflepuff

Samuel Meric – Gryffindor

Sofía Meric – Hufflepuff

Harrison Williams – Ravenclaw

Alyssa Williams – Gryffindor

Samantha Bailey – Ravenclaw

12. Which character’s name do you like the most?

Respectfully, I love them all, specifically the girl’s names. Henrietta, Josephine, Babette, Alyssa, Maria, Sofía.

13. Describe each character’s daily outfit.

Babette Melwyn; Babette’s daily outfit could be summarised as well cared for rags with a history with radioactivity. By this I mean, Babette hasn’t changed out of the dress she wore when a group of revolutionaries decided to nuke her. While incredibly old, magic makes a great cleaner and preserver for the cloth and during the course of this novel, she’s usually seen wearing it often. It’s a plain black form fitting V-neck dress with long sleeves that reach up to her hands. The skirt used to be long and flowing, but since being nuked, it’s much shorter, ending around her calves—jagged and looking like some kind of tattered flower blooming from her waist down.

Aside from the dress, she wears leather strapped calf-high sandals and her ruby necklace—her ruby necklace is a constant with every single last outfit she wears.

After settling down on Earth, she finds herself wearing other bits and pieces. She feels comfortable outside her tattered remains and has a small wardrobe filled with a verity of clothing. Her aesthetic could best be described as gothic and Victorian gothic. Expect lots of lacy black dresses of varying lengths along with several sundresses and perhaps a few gowns. Hats are usually wide-brimmed and floppy, and she will not wear heels.

Josephine Williams; Josephine doesn’t have a daily outfit because she’s a normal person who doesn’t have a set outfit and often changes as the clothes she wore previously gets dirty. However, she has that kind of… art student vibe to her, befitting her artistic inclination, though she does were certain jewellery or outfits that have a certain Hellenic aesthetic. What you’ll mostly see her around in is either some kind of cardigan, perhaps a really large jumper while wearing a dress, whether short or long with some leggings underneath. She mixes it up, shirts and shorts, pants and with different colours as well. She keeps her options wide and varied but if you spent enough time with her and paid attention, you’d notice similarities.

Heels, like her girlfriend, is a no-no, but her outfits are certainly more colourful then Babette’s who prefers black and occasionally other colours.

14. Do any characters have distinctive birthmarks/scars?

Babette has a lot of scars but specifically there’s the scars across her heart—two, specifically, one on her back and on her chest, both from being impaled by a weapon that wiped out all life in a galaxy. It wasn’t fun getting that one.

Josephine once had a scar on her calf, but I think she might not have any major scars nor any tattoos—yet. I might give her a distinctive back tattoo that’s basically a string of astronomical symbols which relate to the Underworld in Greek Mythology.

15. Which character most fits a character trope?

I wouldn’t be able to say for sure but I’m sure that Babette and Josephine both fit into a character trope/archetype.

16. Which character is the best writer? Worst?

Babette, hands down. Babette’s not so good at writing songs and whatnot but she’s an academic and a Bard, having transcribed ancient texts, her own stories and a few she’s plagiarised from Earth because Earth Copyright doesn’t exist outside of Earth. Out of the main characters, I’d say that Josephine isn’t so good at the writing of things and prefers visual art. Like, she could write a story, but it’d read like a synopsis.

17. Which character is the best liar? Worst?

This entirely depends on when we take the characters. Before Babette was unceremoniously dethroned, she was a magnificent liar who would often use the skill in her youth on the run. However, at the same time, she’s spent literal aeons alone and her skills at lying have atrophied. She still does it, she’s just noticeably worse. I would say the worst liar would probably be Adrian because out of the children characters, he’s younger and got the biggest tells out of the lot of them. And yes, I have to pick children because everyone else are massive liars whether it’s lying to themselves, their parents, or others. In my experience, everyone lies at least once and their skill isn’t proportional to how much they

18. Which character swears the most? Least?

Henrietta swears like a fuckin’ sailor, Josephine can swear but only does it rarely—or at least where people can’t hear her.

19. Which character has the best handwriting? Worst?

Babette, again due to living for millions of years and the necessity she had to perfect her handwriting. So far, I’ve described her handwriting thusly:

‘…it was clear that it was one-hundred per cent handwritten, and it was a masterpiece. Each letter, each word was written in a way that made reading it clear and easy to read, but also incredibly pleasing to the eye. Cursive, almost like calligraphy but written in clear bull-point pen, as if someone managed to distil handwriting into an artform then decoded to perfect it because why not?’ – Divine Intervention or: What Comes After Immortality? Chapter 4(draft)

Unfortunately, she’s not so good at art unless it’s literally putting the image in her mind onto paper using magical means. Nevertheless, I could see her girlfriend asking Babette to do some calligraphy for her blog.

Flynn has the worst but honestly you can’t blame the kid… he’s a kid!

20. Which character is most like you? Least like you?

I’d probably have to say Babette, but it’s a close tie between her and Josephine because both of them contain facets of me but are also their own people with different desires and personalities.

Least like me are the other characters, pretty much. Henrietta, Maria, Kurt, Samuel, Sofía, Flynn, Harrison, Alyssa, I’m not really like these characters at all.

21. Which character would you most like to be?

Josephine. Hands down, Josephine. Listen, I like Babette and all and she’s an extension of myself in some ways, and, honestly, I’d feel a lot more comfortable in her skin then my own, but Josephine is just a quiet suburban girl with her own slice of the Earth doing her own thing. She’s an artist, she’s got a loving family, a healthy online presence, a healthy sleeping schedule, and… yeah.

To tag some folks, I think I’ll tag: @randomestfandoms-ocs; @rose-writes-and-drinks-tea; @ariellaskylark; @focusdumbass; @i-tried-and-i-loose; @undinisms; @alixismad; @sweet-scribes; @sunlight-melodies and literally anyone else who wants to try it!

#oc: josephine williams #oc: babette melwyn #original characters #oc #original character #my writing #my wip #wip questions #writing #writer #writers on tumblr #writing tag #wip tag #writeblr #work: divine intervention

[daggerzine]

Tony Potts of The Monochrome Set gives us the details! (interview by Steve Michener)

I started writing a weekly post on Facebook about two years ago, wherein I would pick a song from the extensive catalog of The Monochrome Set and write a few words, trying to hep people to their fantastic music. It became a fun, online conversation with friends and fans and the band would sometimes join in, adding to the story or correcting my (frequent) historical errors.  I was presenting myself as a TMS scholar when I was really just a doofus with a love for the music. The FB feature eventually led to my volunteering to drive the band on the West Coast swing of their recent US tour, which was a total blast. 

 Recently, I came up with the idea of interviewing various members of the band and when I initially hit upon this plan, the first person I thought of was Tony Potts, their early ‘5th member.'  Tony added another dimension to the band’s early shows by projecting films onto screens (and sometimes the band), helping to differentiate the band in the crowded post-punk music scene of the late 70s/early 80s England. I never personally saw any early TMS shows so I missed out on his contributions until last year when  I attended the TMS 40th anniversary shows in London and got to experience his visuals along with the music (albeit from a laptop now instead of a Super 8 film). I’ve always been intrigued by his role with the group and he was nice enough to answer some of my email questions about the early days of the band, his art, and, of course, his favorite TMS song. Tony’s Facebook page is one of the most entertaining around; he doesn’t hold back much, whether it’s about his cancer diagnosis, politics, or the state of the Great Western Railroad. TMSF and now Dagger Zine present the Weird, Wild and Wonderful World of Tony Potts!

That’s Tony far right  

 Q: How did you come to be involved with the Monochrome Set? What drew you to them and them to you?

 Ah, now there are two answers to this question. The first is terse and accurate, although less interesting than the second. Well, I knew John, J.D. Haney. That's the terse answer. However, in the interests of interest, and name-dropping, we have to travel back to about 1974. The story illustrates I think, how our lives are built upon great swaths of happenstance.

While studying on my pre-degree arts foundation I became close friends with Edwin, later Savage Pencil, who later still formed The Art Attacks. After some itinerant drummers, including Ricky Slaughter of The Motors, and Robert Gotobed of Wire, JD became the Art Attacks drummer. Now, Edwin didn't know him, so I can only guess, at this great distance, that I put his name forward. But again, we must spool back in time. How did I know John? After Edwin left for London, and still at my provincial art school, I became good friends with two fellow student artists like myself, Andy Palmer and Joy Haney. They both became founder members of Crass, under the names N A Palmer and Joy De Vivre, and are now exceptionally good fine artists.

It was through my friendship with Joy that I meet her brother, the aforementioned JD, when he came down from university in the summer of '76. We hung out with his college chum, Jean-Marie Carroll, later to join The Members, and discussed narrow neckties and casual trousers. Then Joy, Andy, and I went off to the Greek islands for the summer, before returning to London to take up our degree course at Chelsea School of Art.

Thus it was, with us all now in London, that I believe I introduced JD to The Art Attacks, with whom I worked until their demise, at which point JD took up with TMS. Due to mutual creative interests in art, I was invited to display my films at their gigs. That was late '78, with my first gig with the band being at Acklam Hall, Notting Hill, on 22nd February 1979. Thereafter we fell together and I started to make films specifically for the live shows. It’s worth pointing out that the TMS was not formed in an art school, or by art students. It is lazy journalism that perpetuates the Art School band epithet. Both Bid, the main song writing power behind the longevity of the band, and the other key lyricist, JD Haney, have never been anywhere near an art school.

 Q: What were your films like? Who were your art-school influences at the time? What were you doing with the Art Attacks?

 I was studying fine art painting, and painting was my main interest. Although I loved films, I never expected to move in that direction. As a painter, I was a devotee of the Russian Constructivists like Tatlin, but mostly the geometric forms of El Lissitzky, and the Suprematist Kazimir Malevich - best known for Black Square and White On White. My paintings were an amalgam of geometric forms in the vein of Lissitzky on grounds inspired by Malevich's painterly surfaces. With the rise of the Punk movement in London, I somewhat changed direction, moving into filmmaking that had a quasi-narrative style, intended to be more emotional and poetic. Although driven by what was happening in music during ‘76/'77/'78, ironically, my films couldn't be any less punk if I tried. Well, not to punks anyway. These days I regret that I never resuscitated my painting practice.

At the time of the Acklam Hall gig, I had made one large scale Super8, and two 16mm works. I think it must have been 'Strange Meeting', which in part was about aliens and The Red Army Faction murders, which we showed at that gig, but as a support. I had previously made some other 8mm films, and I might have used them during the band, but I can't recall. However, I now have vague memories of projecting B & W film over the whole stage and band. With The Art Attacks, I didn't have a creative role, I just supported the band in rehearsal and at gigs with Paul Humphries their manager, and the initial manager of TMS. Paul, JD and I all shared the same squat in Brailsford Road, Brixton. So, with TMS I had something more creative to do.

 Q: For those of us who weren't able to see those shows, describe for us what you were doing with the films during the shows. How were the films received by the audience?

 As I said, initially I used the films that I had made in another context, and they were added to the performance to create an overall ambiance, a statement of presentation that was not about a band energetically leaping about on stage, as was the order of the day. Soon I started to make Super8 material specifically for TMS performances. This included the scratched and bleached footage for 'Lester Leaps In', or images filmed on the road, like the Berlin footage used for ‘Viva Death Row’, or staged material of the band getting up to also sorts of antics, like the beach ball larks and bits of animations I would make with no specific aim. In the early days, I made two roller blind screens in long boxes, [we took them on the first two US tours] with one on either side of the stage as space allowed, with film projected onto them so the band members were often in silhouette, although it bled onto them also. The stage was very dark, lit by blue footlights, which I made. I think Mark Perry of Sniffing Glue/Alternative TV said something like it was the most brilliantly depressing thing he had seen. That was always the irony at that time, the music was pert and poppy and uplifting, but the show wasn't. What a laugh, we all thought.

 The shows became increasingly more elaborate with more screens, more projectors and a theatrical lighting rig. At this time we were using Ground Control, Bowie's original PA, run by a lovely guy called Robin Mayhew. Using the theatre lights allowed me to focus and shape controlled beams of light exactly where I wanted them. For example, I could just illuminate Bid's face or other small areas with geometric shapes, while leaving the stage largely unlit. Then the film screens could glow and flicker in the dark. The lads tended not to move a great deal. A tradition assiduously upheld by Mr. Warren.

 As to reception, well some people liked it, and others couldn't see the point. I think it mostly worked as a spectacle, an integrated whole, a total experience, but for those just into the music, it was probably irrelevant. I mean, they are a great band, so nobody missed me when I didn't set up, like at the M80. That stage was toooo big, man.

Bid and Tony 

 Q; As the 'Fifth Member' whose focus seemed to have been on the live performances, how did you fit in with the band in the recording studio?

 Yes, my key role was the live performance; anything else was a bonus for me. I was at all recordings from the second Rough Trade single to the end of the second album, as an enthusiastic supporter and admirer. Of course, I chipped in with the odd suggestion or noise and was probably ignored where and when necessary. Being musically incompetent, my timing is off by a good margin so I'm not sure my handclaps ever made a final mix. You can hear me on TWWWWofTP. I've got quite a pleasant singing voice, also, just not in public. Bid once marked out the chord changes for Ici Les Enfants on a plastic organ I had, to fill out the live sound, but after the first chord change, I was lost and bewildered.

 Q: You've done promotional videos for the band. Can you talk about a few of those projects? Do you have a favorite video?

 The first promotional film I made was the one for Dindisc, and called Strange Boutique, not after the title of the first album as many think, but coincidentally, after the name of a pair of corduroy trousers! Actually, that may not be true. So, this was conceived as a short film, with two songs and a Rod Serling type piece to camera as a linking devise. Done on the very cheap. Unfortunately, there were syncing issues with some of the dialogue and the master got damaged, scratched, and I'm not sure if I still have the original film, or not. It's on our DVD as a complete piece as far as I remember, but it turns up on YouTube, usually cut down to either of the two songs LSD and Strange Boutique, without all the linking material.

We then waited a long time until I was commissioned by WEA to make the promo for 'Jacob's Ladder' with the release of 'The Lost Weekend' album. The deal was negotiated from a public phone box on Clapham Common tube station. It was somewhat compromised by cock-ups at WEA which meant I was forced to hand it over before it was fully edited to my satisfaction. I seem to have made a style out of technical imperfections; at least that's what I'm saying. At the time Top of the Pops had a video preview section, and a short clip of Jacob's Ladder was shown. That’s primetime TV, folks!

And then, of course, I was delighted when Bid asked me to make the official MaisieWorld video for ‘I Feel Fine’, which I was very pleased with. All these projects were very personal to me, not just the execution of a job, and the first two were part of my life at the time of making.

 Q. The only footage I've seen of you actually playing with the band is the Old Grey Whistle Test TV spot. Was it common for you to join the band onstage?

 Well, I was usually visible on stage, controlling the projectors, which needed constant manipulation, like a DJ scratching, changing speed and switching images, fading and mixing. Also, there might be some little set piece we had devised, which required me to do something. At one point, during the Ground Control days, I remember I had my own mic so I could interact with the stage, which didn't last that long. So, to some extent, I always had a relationship with the stage as both performer and technician. Once, when Lester Square had had enough, I did perform the encore, He's Frank, by incessantly plucking one string of his guitar. Pretty good, actually! Music and Maths very similar to my mind, no sooner do I believe that I have mastered the execution of some small calculation, but I soon discover that I haven't.

Don’t shake the ladder, Tony gettin’ down to work. 

Q: Tell us about your film education and your career in film and video outside the band.

 I made a living of sorts working commercially in film and video production, and teaching, but as I mentioned before, I actually trained in fine art. My art foundation took a very academic approach and involved copious hours of life drawing and other drawing classes, while being given time to develop one's own particular discipline and style.

I made one Super8 film based on geometric elements in my painting. I had made three other 8mm film before this. It wasn't until I was on my degree course that I started making more moving image work, but this stemmed from a fine art perspective, so I didn't ever have any film school type training. My own work I would categorise as poetic experimentalism, that is under the general umbrella of artist film and video. Just a reminder that you can catch up with lots more detail of everything I've said at my website, http://tonypottsloopform.altervista.org. Although it has all the history of the films and staging, as well as the making of Jacob's Ladder, it's rather old and not up-to-date. That site includes all the art projects I've worked on, the history of TMS film, and my own films. My creative life can be divided into three separate but overlapping strands. The first being, my personal practice as an artist/film maker, the second, my skills and knowledge deployed in the service of collective artworks and community arts projects, and those same skills employed commercially in film and video production and teaching.

 Q: It's obvious from FB that you are a big film fan. Who are some of your favorite directors/favorite movies?

 With a few exceptions, I'm not much interested in modern Hollywood, old Hollywood is better, and pre-Hays better still. My film tastes are somewhat esoteric for most folks. I prefer silent film, particularly that of the classic German period of the twenties, Lang, Murnau, Pabst, Dreyer. Then in the sixties, PP Pasolini, Robert Bresson, Akira Kurosawa, soviet era Tarkosky and Parajhanov, plus a host of even less well know eastern European directors like Miklos Jancso, Jan Nemec, or Frantisek Vlacil. Don't you wish you'd never asked?

 Q. You live in Wales, pretty far away from the London of your youth. How did you end up there and what appeals to you living there?

 Well, we split our time between London and Pembrokeshire at present, while my wife Rachael is still working. In a few years, we'll move out completely, I think. I can't relax in the city anymore. I need some more space to feel comfortable. I've had as much London as I can handle. Rachael is Welsh, although Pembrokeshire is known as little England beyond Wales, and we are fortunate to own her childhood home there.

 Q. You were recently diagnosed with cancer and posted your experience on Facebook. How did you discover that you had cancer and how are you doing now?

 Yes, that was unfortunate. The prostate gets larger as us men grow older and so puts a bit of pressure on the bladder, changing the way you take a pee, like urgency and frequency. So any chap of a certain age should cut along to a doctor if they have persistent symptoms of this type. Our neighbour in Wales insists on calling it prostrate cancer, but I refuse to take that lying down, and firmly pronounce it prostate, but to no avail. But seriously, although it's a slow-growing cancer, the sooner you act, the sooner you can get the appropriate treatment. I had to have surgery, but it's not necessary for everyone. As my cousin, who luck would have it is a cancer specialist said, do you want to be erect or dead? Haha, what a great choice!

 Q: Since this is a TMSF, after all, can you pick a favorite song and say a few words about it?

 My choice of song to end this pleasant excursion is 'The Devil Rides Out', from the 'Eligible Bachelors' album. By the time of recording this record JD had left the band and was living in NY, and I was also spending a great deal of time in that city also. I was still contributing to the occasional gig or short tour, but I certainly wasn't around when this album was recorded. Christ, what do you expect for a record made in Luton?

So it is the live performances of this song that I recall, since it was in the repertoire well ahead of it being recorded. Although I could say it of many other songs, the open chords of 'The Devil Rides Out' always gave me a buzz as I waited to play in whatever the film images were [I can't remember]. Even if the audience or critics found the films superfluous or unimportant, I usually enjoyed watching the way that a set of otherwise unrelated images somehow meshed and synchronised with the music and gave the illusion of a premeditated vision. Of course, it was premeditated in as much as I knew what pieces of film would be used for a particular song, but beyond that, there was a lot of slack in the system. With the various parameters of the live installation, having to follow the cue of the band and the hand manipulating the projectors [no computers], there were great possibilities that the extemporisation would result in entirely unique sets of images and sound on each occasion.

Well, I should say something about why I like the song. It's one of a number of Bid's more esoteric lyrical compositions. He had previously pushed the Latin boat out with Adeste Fideles [not everyone's favourite song title to pronounce], and my spell checker isn't too keen on the words, either. In this case, the bridging line is rendered in Latin, but with the exception of the 'Hails', this is written in the ancient language of Sanskrit. Or at least that is my understanding and belief. Whatever the lyrical origins are, this is a classic TMS arrangement, altogether thrilling, incomprehensible and mysterious, yet totally pop, totally accessible and it dumps from a very great height those chart-topping household names who have followed in their wake.

And of course, I can never resist a song that features a sleigh bell, The Devil Rides Out and The Stooges 'I Wanna Be Your Dog' being the two finest examples.

http://tonypottsloopform.altervista.org

www.themonochromeset.co.uk 

www.tapeterecords.de

www.facebook.com/themonochromeset

[squadlessgeek]

Title: Nights Like This

Summary: human au - It feels odd to be the one awake at 3AM while his partner, literally practically the embodiment of anxiety itself, rests peacefully beneath the covers beside him.

Warnings: just some mild princey angst. mentions of anxiety and past abuse.

Word count: 2088

Pairings: Prinxiety (Roman/Virgil)

Tag List: (let me know if you’d like to be added or removed) @monikastec@persepinecone @horsesquid @sassy-and-messy @ilivetoexist@lizaelsparrow @galaxy-warping@insanityandimperfection @musikasworld@sander-fander-sides  @swlotakulady34 @llamaavocado@applecannibal@helloisthisusernametaken @wildhorsewolf@justanotherpurplebutterfly @beautifully-terribly @awkward-avocado-of-death@ab-artist @toujours-fidele @an-awkward-gay @anaveragegayfan@gingergiraffe101 @i-just-punched-malfoy @useless-asexual273

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It’s always difficult for him to identify what is causing the cinder block of pain weighing down his heart. Sometimes, he can just ignore it and go about his day until his friends and his lover unknowingly cheer him up enough for the feeling to dissipate. But in the middle of the night, it’s hard to get that reassurance. In the middle of the night, he can’t simply go about his day as if nothing is wrong. All he can do it sit and think, which, admittedly, has never been his forte.

Roman sits quietly on his side of their bed, eyes trained on Virgil’s sleeping form beside him. Chest rising and falling with every even breath. Dark circles beneath his eyes significantly reduced. Muscles relieved of their usual tension. Features soft. He looks so at peace like this. Roman’s heart pangs at the sight. 

He awaits a response from the only other person Roman knows of that might be awake at this hour. His phone rests in his hand at a low brightness as to not disturb his lover’s sleep, the conversation with Logan open and waiting. He’s sent several texts already.

Roman (2:47AM) hey u awake? 

Roman (2:49AM) lo i know you suck at this junk but youre the only one i can think of to talk to and i need help with emotions

Roman (3:02AM) please

He’s about to give up, to wallow in solitude, when a soft ping emanates from his phone and his heart rate increases. It reminds him to turn his sound off; Virgil is a light sleeper. After quickly checking to make sure his angel is still dreaming, he brings his attention back to his phone.

Logan (3:12AM) Roman, you are correct in assuming that I... “suck at this junk.” Why are you contacting me?

He chews at his bottom lip, worrying the skin of it more than he should; he knows he might break the skin and have an obvious tell in the morning, but he tries not to think about it.

Roman (3:13AM) youre the only person i thought might be awake rn

There’s a long, disturbing silence after he sends it. Logan reads it but doesn’t respond for several minutes. Roman’s heart sinks further down in his chest. Of course Logan doesn’t want to deal with his emotional ramblings; Logan is the most collected person Roman knows, aside from when he gets heated or annoyed to his limit. He’s the least emotionally vulnerable person Roman knows. He makes it seem like nothing gets to him.

Roman’s gaze returns to Virgil. His heart aches for a reason that he can’t seem to place. It feels odd to be the one awake at 3AM while his partner, literally practically the embodiment of anxiety itself, rests peacefully beneath the covers beside him. Again, just as Roman is about to give up, Logan responds.

Logan (3:20AM) Fair enough. Go on, then. What’s bothering you at this hour?

Roman sighs with relief. But his fingers cant find the motivation to type out his feelings, and he isn’t sure he’d be able to get the point across with text anyway. He rises from the bed, slowly and carefully, eyes on Virgil just in case, and tip-toes out of the room. He closes the door as quietly as he can behind him and pads down the stairs of the small apartment he shares with his love. He sits himself down on the couch and takes a deep breath before hitting the call button.

It rings a couple times. But Logan picks up, the sounds of quiet shuffling in the background before a soft, “Hello, stranger.” The corner of Roman’s lip lifts at that. He rises from the couch despite having only sat down seconds before, and begins to pace the living room.

“Hi.”

“Mind if I ask why you decided to call?”

“I just thought it’d be better.”

“I see.”

There’s a short silence. All of Logan’s words have been rather quiet so far, and Roman winced, realizing why.

“Is Patton nearby?”

“He is asleep in the next room.”

“Ugh... Duh. I’m sorry, Lo, we can go back to texting if—“

“No,” Logan interrupts him. It takes him by surprise, though it really shouldn’t. Logan has a tendency to interrupt. “No, if you felt the need to speak rather than to type, than this is what we’ll do.”

“Right,” Roman says, though he’s still hesitant. “Okay.”

Another short silence as Roman takes a calming breath and thinks over what he wants to say. How he wants to express what needs to be expressed.

“Lo?”

“Yes?”

“I’m scared.” He sounds like a child, and he knows it, but it’s the truth, and he isn’t going to waste anymore of Logan’s time by dancing around the subject.

“You’re... scared?” There’s a hint of surprise in Logan’s voice. “You? Of what?”

“Virgil.” It comes out like a wheeze, and he drops into a crouch, one hand in his hair. He can immediately sense Logan’s tension on the other line.

“What do you mean?” Before Roman can answer, Logan draws in a small gasp and says in an even quieter tone, “Is he hurting you?” 

“No!” Roman grimaces, shaking his head to himself. He feels terrible for even saying anything that could imply that. Virgil would never hurt him, and vise versa. “No, absolutely not.” Logan seems to relax, and voices a small humming sound that Roman takes as an ‘Elaborate.’ So he does. “It’s... I don’t know. I’m scared. Not of him, really but of... of how I feel, I guess. Most of the time I’m fine, but there are times, nights like this, where I just freeze, and I panic, and my mind is reeling and I’m so unsure of everything. It’s awful, Lo, it’s so awful, I feel awful for being so scared. But I can’t help it. I love him. And most of the time it’s wonderful, and I love loving him and being loved by him. But other times it’s terrifying.” He takes a deep breath, hands shaking, as he finishes his rant. Logan goes silent. probably thinking, and Roman doesn’t notice he’s crying until he rubs his face and his fingers come back wet.

Logan sighs on the other end and it hits Roman like a brick. At first he thinks Logan is judging him, for being so erratic and confusing for no reason. But then, “Roman, you have had your fair share of heartache, have you not? This is not the first time you’ve come to me in emotional crisis.” Roman sniffles and nods, though he knows Logan can’t see it. “It’s not uncommon for someone who has been hurt as many times as you to feel this way while in a loving relationship.”

That makes him feel a little better. Just a little. “Really?”

“Of course. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love Virgil, or that you don’t appreciate your partnership with him. It simply means your heart is on defense, you might say. But you’re a theater man so sports references may not be the way to go.” Another soft sigh, and then he continues. “Your heart... has stage fright. You’re ready to go on stage, you know your lines and you’ve got the entire play memorized down to the gestures. But let’s say that in the past, you’ve messed up. You’ve forgotten a line or two, you’ve stumbled over your words, perhaps forgot to even go on stage for one of your scenes.”

Roman grimaces. “This analogy is a little close to home, Lo.”

“Let me finish.” So he does. “Due to your past mistakes, you might find yourself nervous to perform, especially when you think back and dwell on those mistakes, even if they weren’t entirely your fault. Despite your memorization and skill, you still feel afraid to go on stage. You’re afraid something might go wrong.”

The more Logan speaks, the more it makes sense. He thinks for a long time, his teeth returning to abuse his bottom lip, taking slow and deep breaths in attempts to calm his emotions a bit. “That makes sense. So... There’s nothing wrong with me, right? It’s not... Ridiculous, for me to be scared like this?”

“Of course not,” Logan says, his voice sounding more genuine than Roman may have ever heard it before. “You’re not broken, Roman. Everyone gets stage fright at some point, to some extent. You’re not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.”

“Thank you, Lo.”

“You’re welcome. I suggest you talk to Virgil about this, at a healthy hour, and perhaps Patton too. Virgil deserves to know how you’re feeling, and Patton may be of more help than I am with this sort of thing.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay, I’ll do that.”

“Get some rest, Roman.”

“Alright. You too, nerd.”

“I will try. Good night.”

Roman bids Logan goodbye before they hang up, and he stares down at his phone afterwards with a small smile on his lips. The tears seem to have stopped falling, but he’s vaguely aware that his cheeks are still wet and his eyes are no doubt red and glossy. He stands to go back upstairs just as he hears footsteps doing the opposite. He freezes, guilt immediately flooding his chest. He must have waken Virgil somehow. 

His lover comes down the stairs in a pair of pajama pants that he totally stole from Roman, and an over-sized sweater that he also stole. Roman huffs a little, the sight bringing upon another smile.

“Good morning, night owl,” Virgil murmurs, making his way over to Roman. He sounds and looks tired, his hair disheveled in an absolutely adorable way, his voice thick with sleep.

“Morning, storm cloud.” When Virgil gets close enough, Roman presses a kiss to his forehead and wraps his arms around his waist. “Did I wake you?”

“I wake you up in the middle of the night all the time, no worries.” Roman hums and rests his chin on the other’s head that’s now buried in his chest. “Why are you up?” Roman purses his lips, not sure if he should answer that quite yet. Logan did say to talk to him, but it’s late/early and it can probably wait until morning when they’re both well rested. But Virgil looks up at him with those worried eyes and asks, “Everything okay?” and he can’t lie to him.

Roman ends up bringing Virgil back up to their bedroom so they can be sitting comfortably while Roman explains everything to him. He expresses the same thing he expressed to Logan, though a bit more composed and better explained now. He tells him about the phone call, about Logan’s analogy. Virgil’s expression is unreadable the entire time, but he listens intently, his hand resting on Roman’s and his thumb rubbing soothing circles into his skin. When Roman finally finishes, he meets Virgil’s eyes cautiously, not sure what to expect.

“Okay,” is what he gets. He tenses a little, shifting in his seat.

“Okay?”

Virgil nods and laces their fingers together. “Okay,” he says again. “That’s... actually sort of relieving.”

Roman’s eyes widen. “Really?” Virgil nods again. “Why?”

He hesitates to answer, a nervous smile on his lips, his gaze everywhere except meeting Roman’s. “Cause I’m sort of the same way.” 

It isn’t particularly surprising, but Roman is still taken aback and has to ask, “Really?” again. 

“Yes, really, you dork. I don’t really talk about it, but I haven’t exactly had a sparkly clean past with healthy relationships that ended on happy notes. I...” He takes a deep breath, clearly preparing himself for what he’s about to say, and Roman gives his hand an encouraging squeeze. “I still get nightmares, sometimes. I get nights like this, up late, afraid. You’re not the only one that’s scared, Roman. I’m scared too. But... This is good. Talking about it. Fear feeds on loneliness, so... If you ever feel like this again, don’t be afraid to bring it up, wake me if you need to. Alright? And I’ll do the same. We could both use a little comfort from time to time.”

Roman is perfectly aware that he’s begun crying again, but there’s a smile on his face and he pulls Virgil in close, his arms tight and secure around his partner. “I love you,” he whispers into the other’s hair, kissing the top of his head. 

Virgil gives him a muffled laugh and drags him down to lie on the bed, exhausting filling his head as soon as it hits the pillow. Their legs tangle together and they hold each other as they both begin to drift. Roman just barely hears “I love you too, you royal pain,” before sleep claims him.

#wow this was so therapeutic and self indulgent #nice #my writing #prinxiety #angst #roman angst #roman princey sanders #virgil anxiety sanders #sanders sides #logan logic sanders #patton morality sanders #thomas sanders #lots of sanders in these tags #human au #hurt/comfort

[blu-b]

Trying again to post my Ragnarok blabbering....

Let’s try and see if tumblr still thinks it has too many paragraphs. If so, I shall split it into two. Reminder that this is just me spewing out everything that bothers me because I actually have so desperately few Thor(ki) pals on tumblr that I'm basically jumping on any opportunity to actually talk to someone about it. Which is why you precious few who commented are now getting the full broadside of my entire jumbled misery. I apologize in advance. You really don't have to read all of it. I’m also not looking for a grand discussion or anything. I just need to get it out of my system.  

​I respect that there are people who liked the movie, and I don't mean to spoil it for anyone else, so what I'm going to say here is all just a very personal, subjective impression that is by no means anything else but an opinion. Also I feel kind of stupid because the film has been out for a year and...yeah well.

On we go.

upstartpoodle replied to your post “I’ve finally seen Thor: Ragnarok (yes yes, I’m late to the party, I...”

I haven't seen it since I knew from the various spoilers I've seen that it wasn't really my cup of tea, so I can't really comment about the film as a whole, but I've seen a lot of complaints from other people about inconsistent characterisation, too many jokes, dropping the ball on plot points established in the previous films, etc. There's an increasingly long post that keeps cropping up on my dash about it. 

calicoskatts replied to your post

I enjoyed it but for me it was jsut another entertaining movie from Marvel but nothing particularly interesting. I thought I was watching Guardians of the Asgardians personally. I’ve been put off from Marvel over the last bit tbh, so maybe that’s why? Like I said, I enjoyed it but I wasn’t wowed or anything.

nelioe replied to your post

*raises hand* I agree, I too thought the movie was awful

miusmius replied to your post

I honestly loved it!

hiko73 replied to your post

What? The movie was amazing from beginning to end, imho....I feel at a loss why you hated it so much.

So, before I say anything, I need to explain that I basically knew the film's plot from gifs and Youtube clips before I watched the DVD, although I didn't know all of it. I already thought some of the scenes sucked big time from the snippets I had seen (Get help, the obedience disk), but actually there were a few that I thought were bad and that turned out rather good in the movie. I’ll come to those in a minute.

So, I think seeing the movie in its entirety for the first time was what did me in. Really, my brain hurt after the end credits rolled off the screen, and I felt like brainwashed. I mean, I knew it was different, and loud, and colourful, and that’s not what I’m having a problem with. It’s rather…a conglomerate of things that just rub me the wrong way.

I’m not mentioning the inconsistent characterisation and the many loose threads that never get cleared up sufficiently (an entire fandom has been waiting for an explanation of how Loki survived Svartalfheim! I had expected it to be a major plot point early in Ragnarok, but it wasn’t even mentioned apart from ‘I thought you were dead’. Well yes, thanks Thor, me too. I’d like to know how he managed not to be dead!).

I’ll also not mention obvious plotholes because well, it’s Marvel we’re talking about, so things like that are expected, and I’ll neither mention obvious flaws on the technical side (too many rapid cuts, weird camera angles or frames) because artistic liberty and all. What does get on my nerves is how almost any serious scene is broken up by something ‘funny’. No two characters can have a quiet talk for two seconds before some joke is cracked that does or does not fit the situation. It’s…tiresome. Especially since most of the jokes aren’t really funny.

​Here's a thing: a have a weird humour, I Hate comedy with a capital H, and I despise nothing more than random comedic slapstick elements in an otherwise serious film. Why for heaven's sake can no one make a serious movie anymore? Argh. This film is literally titled "The end of the world" and yet there's a joke at every corner, and no it isn't a black-humoured jab at fate, it's the kind of knee-slapper that's only funny for half the time it takes, and not again afterwards. It makes me angry. Comedy has to be precise and on-point to work. There's a lot of well-placed comedy in the previous Thors and the Avengers; comedic elements that are funny even when you watch the scene a second and a third time. Now, Taika Waititi takes comedy to an entirely new level that isn't necessarily one I like. I also need to say that although I don't know him personally, he comes across as a very taxing person, taxing in a sense that his constant good spirits and giddiness and sort of bouncy energy would definitely wear out my social batteries if I had to be around him all the time. It wore out Tom Hiddleston's, as we can see in several behind the scenes footages where Taika takes to fooling around in front of the camera while poor Tom would just like to get on with his work.

​Anyway, back to the movie. Of the major things that rub me wrong is that it does have a very problematic attitude towards violence.

​It is rated for a viewing age 12 and up in my country, but I sure as hell would not let my children watch it. There are scenes that come down to nothing but random violence for…well, not even the sake of anything. Hela just skewering Fandral and Volstagg like that? What for? If it’s meant to establish an emotional connection and show just how dangerous Hela is, it fails spectacularly, because it is not given enough time, or enough emotional room. It’s just ZAP and they’re dead; if you don’t look closely you don’t even realise it’s them because they've never had a moment to being reintroduced. Half of the audience has probably already forgotten who they were.The scene with Hogun is gruesome as is the slaughtering of an entire army, and it does nothing whatsoever in terms of significance. Later on, we see many other characters just resorting to brainless mass shootings and seemingly enjoying the heck out of it. Valkyrie, Skurge, you name them. There's a very problematic message in having a character stumble off an enormous spaceship, having them fall off the gangway drunk because it looks cool, and then proceed to mow down a bunch of innocent and mostly unarmed scrappers on a trash planet.

​Now, I don’t have a problem with violence in general. I just don’t like the way it is presented here.

There were a few scenes that were actually good. 

Thor and Dr. Strange for example, even though the plot could easily have done without that sideline, and Benedict Cumberbatch is also only pouring 50% of his effort into his performance - still, it’s solid, classy acting. ​

​The scenes between Thor and Loki on Midgard in the very beginning stand out because both Hemsworth and Hiddleston are given enough time to actually act out their characters' emotions without being interrupted by a joke. I really liked the dynamics here and I wish the film would have picked up on that course.

Some of Hela’s scenes where a little background on her character is revealed were good as well, but overall I thought Cate Blanchett was alternating between gross overacting and doing minimal duty as per contract. It would have been nice to have her on screen some more, and learn a bit more about her past and her motivation. Revenge for being imprisoned by Odin? Sounds familiar. Hela, darling, how about a little talk about that with Loki over tea and biscuits? I'm sure the two of you could have shared some experience. (Also major kudos to Loki for NOT tearing into Odin like "Aha, so throwing your kids into a cell seems to be your standard educational measure, dad.")

​Anthony Hopkins was awful. He has never been good in any of the previous films, one of my main reasons for my major dislike of Odin, and I don't know if he's getting senile or what, he just was really really bad in this one. It only adds to the awful characterisation of Odin altogether. The last straw was his dealing with the Hela situation: "There's this threat that is coming for Asgard, born of one of my own mistakes, there's nothing you can do about it and I don't give a shit so bye and good luck, I guess." Good thing he disappeared, or I would personally have crawled into the TV and shoved the old man off the cliff.

​So, what little else I liked was actually any scenes with Heimdall - I wasn’t a big fan of Heimdall, ever, but he seriously kicks ass here, not only because of superb acting on Idris Elba's part but also because his scenes aren’t interrupted by hectic cuts or off the mark jokes.

​Surprisingly, Skurge’s story arc was interesting as well. Now, I don’t like Karl Urban - you've probably figured out by now that there isn't an awful lot of people that I like. Basically I think his character is rather unnecessary - why not use one of the established characters? Why not let Fandral or Hogun be torn between right and wrong? Anyway, Karl does play him well and I see why a character like that would be in there (his death though? More random, unnecessary violence).

​Bruce Banner / The Hulk really went on my nerves the entire time. The fight between he and Thor is well choreographed, but the entire sequence is too long *yawns* Some of the stuff with Thor in Hulk’s room is actually funny, but that was that. 

​And then Loki. Please prepare yourself for a rant of epic proportions.

Now, I do admit I'm biased because I love Loki; I've loved him in Norse mythology ever since I was a child. I went to study Old Norse for a bit mainly because of the Edda and Loki, and I love what Hiddleston has done with the character in these films. I also get that this is Thor: Ragnarok and not Loki: Ragnarok and that he is a supporting character just like all the others.

​That said, in the few scenes that he actually has - you don't really need Loki for what he does. Any random side character could have stolen the ship's codes, or placed Surtur's crown in the flame. That last bit was a bow to the original myth (and the comics, I suppose) where it's really Loki who releases Surtur and causes Ragnarök (which is why I -love- the 'saviour' scene because it's a reference to Loki arriving at the scene of the final battle at the helm of the ship of the dead, called Naglfar, in Norse myth). But - in the film, all in all, you don't really need Loki for all that. Valkyrie could have done it, or Heimdall, or Skurge for that matter (what a heroic plot that would have made for him!).

​And there's more to it than just lamentably little of Loki in this film. The entire film, to me, seems like a deliberate attempt to ban Loki to the background, give him as little screentime as possible, and make him look ridiculous altogether. Not only is his character basically replaceable in what he does, no - 

(I've seen quite a lot of the BTS stuff in advance, so this plays into it as well.)

Let's start with the small things:

- There's hardly any close-ups of Loki in the entire film, Norway being the one great exception (consequently, he rocks the scene).You can always see him do something in the background, but the camera is never close enough to pick up clearly on any emotions or anything. Best example is the sofa scene at the Grandmasters'. If that was shown correctly, you would be able to read the entire course of the fight from Loki's face - there's glee, there's worry, there's schadenfreude, there's hope and admiration and anger and frustration and everything you can possibly imagine he goes through, but we are shown only mushed images of it. The entire dragging long battle between Hulk and Thor would have been way more interesting if more of Loki's facial expressions had been cut into it.

- Basically all he's good for is delivering cues for Thor and being there as a projection screen for Thor's heroism.

- The camera always seems slightly out of focus; Loki is there but he's not, somewhere at the back or to the side. Even when he's meant to be in the picture, the camera frame is just this little bit out of focus or he's being filmed at a weird angle.

- Weird angles. It's a signature thing for Loki in this film. He's being filmed from behind, above, below - now don't get me wrong, it's a very interesting artistic device - and the scene where he appears before the grandmaster, filmed through the transparent floor is a masterpiece in terms of camera angle - but when it's 80% of these frames and the rest is 15% hovering in the background and 5% good, clear close-ups, it conveys a message about the filmmaker's attitude towards this character - and in Loki's case, this message is not doing him any favours. 

​- More weird stuff: time frames. As I said above, you only ever see Loki doing unimportant stuff. Sitting around talking to the Grandmaster's cronies, getting "captured" on purpose, trying to get through to Thor. We don't see him doing any kind of stiff like Thor does, nothing "heroic", we don't even see him do any significant amount of magic. The only heroic moment he has, at the very end, is again botched by off-kilter dialogue ("I'm not doing get help" just sounds soooo out of place at this moment) and weird framing. Like, Thor gets all these super-cool, physical fighting scenes, full-on frontal, kicking and punching the shit out of everyone. Again, I get that this is Thor: Ragnarok, and we also have the Hulk and Valkyrie who need their hero moments. But we do know that Loki is just as good a fighter as everyone else, he fights differently, but he's very capable of defending himself and others, as seen in Dark World. In Ragnarok, he's right there in the middle of the fight, but you never see him do anything. You see him close in on someone, cut, then you see him pull out a knife of a body or juggle his helmet or whatever, but never any real action that proves how capable he is as a fighter, not like Thor gets them all the time. You see him jump, and roll, and fall on his ass, or doing a pirouette and tossing his hair back afterwards. The focus is not on him doing his share of defending Asgard, but on how he's a weak and pathetic fighter (this post explains it with great visuals). The thing is, somewhat heroic  moments  have been filmed, but have been left out in favour of more ‘funny’ sequences.

- Talking about ridiculousness: There's a total of seven scenes where Loki falls on his ass, his face, or is somehow on the ground for some reason when it's totally not necessary. In comparison, in Dark World and Avengers, he was only ever on the ground when either defeated, or due to battle  action, not just for shit and giggles.

The one at Dr Strange actually makes me wince from the sheer impact with which he hits the floor, bouncing back two feet high in the air (can’t find the gif right now, but he does), and everyone in the cinema laughs. Actually laughs, like this is some funny one-liner. Someone's dropping from the sky and hitting the floor real hard and y'all laugh? Like no, this ain't funny at all, not to me.

​- What are these scenes actually good for? Why did the previous films set him up as a master magician who - as even Dr Strange says - is a force to be reckoned with, when everyone can just shove him to the ground like that? Why is nearly everyone suddenly more powerful than him?

- Shitty lines/shitty scenes: 'Safe passage through the anus'. Boy, it makes me cringe for poor Tom who actually had to say this shit out loud, or play stuff like the (thankfully deleted) portaloo sequence. Like, wow. I mean, I know I have a different type of humour from nearly everybody else, but this shit is just so not funny, and I really hate Taika Waititi for even including such lines and scenes in the script. I mean, I get that he favours Thor over Loki, but was that really necessary? It's so cringeworthy it makes my teeth hurt.

- (On a minor sidenote, can we talk about how it also speaks volumes that Hiddleston was given a costume that he can barely move in and that makes him visibly uncomfortable, yet no one gives a shit?)

To sum it up, I don't like how Ragnarok treats the character of Loki and ignores all of his potential in favour of cheap jokes. It says a lot if a script needs to make fun of one character in order to let its main character appear in a better light. Taika talks about how Thor's and Loki's relationship is at the focus of the film and how they finally get to resolve their problems. I'm sorry, but I don't see any of that. I don't see any brotherly moments or reconciliation or at least an attempt to make things right. And that brings me to the one character that I have the biggest problem with: Thor.

​Now, the general consensus was that Thor grows, he learns, he takes up responsibility, he has this great character development that makes him into a better man. I don't see that. What I see is a man who uses and abuses everyone in his path to achieve his own ends. He thinks he can command Valkyrie by repeatedly reminding her of her oath to the throne (the throne being a very prominent motivation for Thor, as we shall see) even when she's made clear that she gives a shit. When that doesn't work, he keeps trying to guilt-trip her, and when that doesn't work either, he fakes concern to get her attention, and once he has it, he cruelly pushes all the buttons that he knows will make her yield (basically telling her: you can either forget everything and rot on this planet, or you can do something about it and help me).

​He manipulates Banner in the same way because he needs the Hulk for his Asgard mission. I mean, telling Bruce he prefers him over Hulk, and telling Hulk he prefers him over Bruce - I get that it's meant to be funny, but when you think about it, it isn't. It's manipulative as heck and it's exactly the kind of shit he always accused Loki of: lying to get his way.

And when it comes to Thor's interactions with Loki,  he has not learned a single thing. He still treats Loki the way he always did: a scapegoat at worst, a convenience at best. In Norway, after Odin departs, Thor doesn’t hesitate to immediately accuse Loki of both Odin’s death and bringing about Hela as a consequence - as if Loki had any inkling that this was gonna happen. He wouldn’t be so stupid as to bring destruction to Asgard on purpose, remember it’s the only home he ever truly knew, so even if he did let things slip while posing as Odin, he surely never meant for Hela and Ragnarok to happen. He was just as surprised about the Hela revelation that Thor was, and as for Odin’s death - I doubt that this was intended. Especially since we still don’t know xactly how Loki got rid of Odin, but if he’d wanted to kill him, he could certainly have done so while Odin was weak and defenseless, but he didn’t - he just wanted him out of the way, not dead. Yet Thor completely assumes Loki is to blame for all of it, and as a consequence he falls back into his abusive treatment of his brother.

Yes, all I see is an abusive sibling who purposefully manipulates his mentally unstable younger brother. He knows what Loki has been through in the past; moreover, he has heard from Odin himself just how everyone in this family was played and lied to. He has seen what that did to Loki in the past. Thor knows exactly what's at the core of his brother's mind: the ambition to gain his family's approval, a fear of being abandoned, a deep-rooted sense of worthlessness and the ever-prominent desire to impress his older brother. Of course Loki sucks at saying all this out loud, and Thor probably doesn't know the full extent of the damage, but after the events of Avengers and Dark World he must at least have an inkling of what's going on inside that mind. 

​And yet he goes ahead and uses all of Loki's greatest fears against him:

"Our paths diverged a long time ago" - no they didn't, he just never let Loki catch up to him.

"It's what you always wanted" (never seeing each other again) - have you even paid attention to your brother, you big fool?

"But you, you stay the same", "you could be so much more" etc. - and being what, exactly? Thor's thrall, tagging along behind him, helping out when shit hits the fan, and otherwise keeping his mouth shut? To Thor, Loki is only acceptable when he behaves like Thor wants him to. He fails to see that it's Loki who's forced to change more than anyone else. He was forced to change almost first thing after being born, from a Jötun baby to an Aesir one just to please his new father. He's constantly forced to change to adapt to everyone's expectations: Odin's, Frigga's, Thor's own. And when he refuses to play along, he's the one at fault.

​There are two scenes in Ragnarok in particular that I find hard to watch in respect of Thor's abusive qualities. First, the elevator scene /Get Help.

​Loki tells Thor no three times, he even gives him a reason why he doesn't want to do Get Help (which, considering Loki and his difficulties to express emotion, to Thor no less, is a big deal). I don’t know about y’all, but if my sibling told me they found something humiliating, which is several steps up the uncomfortable scale from "I just don't like it", I would never force them into it. Thor has to respect his brother's feelings and stop right there. A no is a no, even from Loki, even in this situation, especially considering how the entire move is nonsense after all - but Thor doesn't stop. He disrespects his brother's wishes, he ignores Loki's feelings, and what's worse, he even belittles him for it and laughs it off: No, for me it's not.

​Yes, well, Thor baby, guess what? It's not always about you.

Even worse is the taser/obedience disk scene. It makes me physically cringe. And I will happily fist-punch everyone who tries to tell me it's just "a joke" or "friendly sibling barter" or wasn't "meant to hurt Loki" or that Thor "didn't know". I'm sorry, but nope.

​Thor knows exactly what the obedience disc does, how it hurts. He has absolutely NO reason to use it on Loki. Loki has been playing along to his plans, he has even tried to offer Thor an explanation and a possible way out, but at that time Thor decided to throw a tantrum and sulk. Did he really think Loki would go through with that half-arsed attempt of collecting the 'reward' for Thor's capture from the Grandmaster, when just some hours before Loki has told Thor that he Grandmaster is a lunatic and that he basically wants to leave Sakaar just as bad as Thor does? Did Thor even listen??? Not to mention that there never was a 'reward' promised by the Grandmaster; instead a threat of public execution looms over Loki if he fails, so the reward he speaks of is possibly, once again, getting away with his life (while using the time this buys him to come up with a means of escape).

​There was no reason at all to place the taser disc on Loki and leave him there - besides, Thor must have planned to use the disk even before he could be sure Loki was going to betray him, so it was Thor's plan all along to leave his brother there for whatever sick reason. How could he be so sure Loki would find a way to free himself? How could he be sure the rebels would be the ones to find Loki, and not the Grandmaster, or Topaz, or any of the hundreds of guards that swarm the place? Not to mention that time passes differently on Sakaar, so who knows how long Loki lay there writhing in agony. Thor walking off telling him "Good luck, I guess" while his brother is in obvious physical pain, and at the mercy of a crazy dictator, is the ultimate cruelty. But the throne is always more important, eh?

​How could Thor be sure Loki would follow him to Asgard and come to his aid? Seriously, Loki could just have taken that ship and flown to the other end of the universe for all he cared. He's the only Asgardian on a ship full of refugees, he has no reason at all to help Thor, not after the taser disc and the general way Thor treated him, and YET he comes after his big brother because he desperately seeks Thor's approval, and Thor knew that and manipulated his brother into exactly this behaviour back there in the elevator.

​And does Loki get a thank you? Not even! All he gets is a flippant "You're late" (everyone who tells me that's 'friendly sibling banter' again must have a truly fucked up relationship with their sibling), and then he's being ordered off to the vault to basically perform an act that could cost his life, without Thor even wasting a second thought to it. Well, we've already seen in Dark World how little Thor cares for Loki, as he just leaves his dead little brother behind to rot on a foreign planet. Doesn't even send anyone to come and collect the body or something. Doesn't even seem to care in Ragnarok whether Loki has made it out of Asgard alive or not (does he check frantically if his brother is aboard as they float off into space? No...but hey look, there's a throne, and people call him majesty, so all is grand).

​Not even the "I'm here" scene does anything for their relationship. How often does Loki have to prove that he will sacrifice himself for Thor, and how often does he get nothing in return but accusations ("You faked your death!", "You killed our father!"), dubious compliments ("Maybe there's some good left in you") or at the most Thor throwing him a bone of approval: "Maybe you're not so bad after all" instead of "Thanks for saving our arses".

​So, is this 'growing'? Is this 'mature'? Has Thor learned one single thing that makes him a better character? I don't think so. He takes up right where his father left, caring only for his throne, and manipulating his brother just the way Odin has always done. Yes, he became a little less uptight, and yes there's the new Thor who's sassy, nonchalant, doesn't give a fuck, doesn't let himself be played by his brother's schemes. I love the way Chris Hemsworth is playing this new Thor as opposed to the previous films. It's fun to watch him finally fill this role with a bit of spice. I really really like this new Thor. The problem is, I like how the new Thor is, but not what he does.

​All in all, I think what happened was that Taika and Chris Hemsworth decided it was time to put the focus on Thor and make his character the center of the plot - which is fine, with it being Thor: Ragnarok and all, but why does it have to be at the expense of another great character that could have been used in so many other, different, better ways for the plot? I think they tried deliberately to shift a bit of Loki's coolness and cunning to Thor who, let's face it, has been a rather one-dimensional character in the previous films.

​What I'm going to say now is unpopular, and probably mean, but it's the vibe I'm getting from day one since I started watching any Thor movies and BTS and interviews: All of this ties in nicely with Chris Hemsworth coming across as borderline jealous of Hiddleston and the success he gained for his portrayal of the Loki character, who was never supposed to steal Thor's spotlight. It's a shame Taika Waititi rolled with it in Ragnarok and actively added to this fiasco by way of bad filmmaking.

​On a final personal note: Just yesterday before watching the film I wrote a little scene post-Ragnarok where Thor finally gets to understand everything that bothers Loki, and finds a way to comfort his brother in a very gentle, caring way, because that was what I understood Thor had finally learned: true compassion, the ability to understand, the motivation to go and make up for every time he was a shitty sibling in the past. I can't see that now, not anymore after watching this film, not after what Thor has been made into and how he treats Loki :(

I'm sorry this got so long. I'll disappear for a while now and see if I can manage to un-watch this movie. Thanks for reading/listening.

#upstartpoodle #calicoskatts #nelioe #miusmius #hiko73 #warning: long post #loki meta #thor meta #my thoughts on ragnarok #I'm blabbering #I just love Loki too much ok #probably because I can relate to him on so many levels #it's not even funny anymore #sorry

[mymurderbooks]

5 Anime Recommendations for Your Stay Home Time

So you’re on lockdown, more or less. You’ve watched the most popular anime recommendations: Sailor Moon, Naruto, Death Note, etc. etc. Here’s some anime I love that you might not have come across yet. Yes, you could be productive, you could (rather unproductively) worry about the future of mankind, but it’s also important to not stress out too much (it weakens your immune system!) and watch some shows.

These are some of my favourite animes. I rate them all five stars and I’ve listed them in no particular order, but I’ve chosen them for different reasons. A couple I think are better than others, notably, Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinju and Planetes, which are two of the best shows I’ve seen in any format. I won’t give too many spoilers, but briefly summarise the theme of the anime and my impressions, and why I recommend it.

1. Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinju English title: Showa and Genroku Era Lover’s Suicide Through Rakugo Studio: Studio Deen First premiered: Winter 2016 Where to watch? You can stream this on Crunchyroll.

Rakugo is a traditional Japanese form of comedic storytelling theatre, and this anime narrates the lives of a line of rakugo performers. This is one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen on TV. It’s slow but not draggy, it’s very well paced and nothing feels like filler. It tells the story of the rakugo performers with respect and sensitivity, and above all, subtlety. Everything about this show is elegant, from the artwork to the portrayal of the characters.

Since it’s a show about rakugo, you will see the characters performing rakugo in it, and this is done so realistically and so well that you feel you’re in the theatre with them, which is one reason I think this is a good pick for being in lockdown. I was completely unfamiliar with rakugo before this, but as I watched I became interested enough that I really really wanted to see a show. I was lucky enough that I was able to see an English-language rakugo artist, Katsura Sunshine, perform in London. He travels and does rakugo around the world, so if you get a hankering to see a rakugo performance after watching this anime, that’s something to maybe put on your post-Covid-19 list to look forward to when theatres reopen.

The classic ‘Shinigami’ rakugo performed by Kikuhiko in the anime:

Even if you don’t like anime and don’t normally watch it, I highly recommend you watch this. It’s so good. I promise it’s better than anything on Netflix.

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2. Planetes Studio: Sunrise Premiered: Fall 2003  Where to watch? It’s streaming on Netflix Japan, but not Netflix anywhere else at the moment, but maybe it will be? The boxset is on sale on Amazon for a lot of money. Sorry, I don’t know where you can watch this at the moment, but if you find a way, I recomend you do.

Planetes is a hard sci-fi anime that follows a team who are, essentially, trash collectors in space (’Debris Section’ of a large corporation). I recommend this as one of the best space shows I’ve seen, and because I find the latest Star Trek series super disappointing. I’m gonna be real, I’m a fan of Next Generation and Captain Picard himself, but Picard (the show) sucks. If you compare it to Planetes, it’s like Picard was written by 14 year olds.

Planetes is very adult, although it may not seem so at first. Stick with the first few episodes, and you’ll find that this show really delivers. It’s dark, but not dark in the way that many Hollywood shows are ‘dark’. Hollywood seems to interpret this to mean violent death murder torture, and there’ll be at least one scene in the season of someone plunging their bare hands into the core of another person’s body, or eye poking torture, but Planetes is dark in that it’s probably one of the more plausible/realistic representations of mankind’s future in space.

In Planetes there’s no alien friends, no federation of planets, no post-money world, no intergalactic battles. There’s just us humans, being shitty, but now we’ve infected space too. Capitalism is worse. Life is harder. There’s crap floating around the universe, and this show follows the underpaid people doing the dangerous job of retrieving it. If you like sci-fi, this is some of the best sci-fi TV, ever.

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3. Shirokuma Cafe English title: Polar Bear Cafe Studio: Studio Pierrot Premiered: Spring 2012 Where to watch? Streaming on Crunchyroll

This anime revolves around a cafe run by a Polar Bear. It’s a slice of life genre anime. It’s very lighthearted, but also, to me, feels more adult than many adult-oriented shows. In Japan it falls under the category of ‘josei’ anime, ie. anime for adult women.

It’s so lovely. I guess kinda like Cheers, but in a cafe, and far lovelier. The cafe regulars are Panda and Penguin, and Llama sometimes comes in. Grizzly runs a bar (that’s also lovely! You want to go to his bar!) and there’s a human called Sasako who works there. There’s an adorable Red Panda! A bunch of squirrels who sort through coffee! Everything is lovely and cute!

What do they do? Random adorable everyday things. One of my favourite episodes, and a great one to watch in the spring, is the cherry-blossom viewing episode. Some episodes we learn about coffee from the tree squirrels. Sometimes they just sit around the coffee. At some point Panda gets a job at the zoo. They go to a baseball range, etc.

If what you’re looking for is a cute, light-hearted, relaxing show for adults where everybody knows your name and nothing dark happens, I recommend this highly. Particularly if your hobbies are chilling out, going to cafes, drinking coffee, taking walks, flowers - you’ll love this.

There’s a real Shirokuma Cafe (anime-themed cafe) in Tokyo, in Takadanobaba. I visited last year and loved it there! If you end up watching and loving Shirokuma Cafe too, add it to your post-Covid-19 travel cafe bucket list! 

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4. Sakamachi no Apollon (Apollo on the Slope) English title: Kids on the Slope Studios: Tezuka Productions, Mappa Premiered: Spring 2012 Where can I watch it? Streaming on Crunchyroll

Kids on the Slope is, essentially, a jazz anime. It celebrates jazz. The actual storyline is a coming of age story of some kids who jam together, and they experience adolescence together and grow up and all that, and there’s some romance, some adolescence angst. The art is beautiful. The story is told well. That’s all fine. But really the draw here is jazz.

Jam session:

The unofficial theme song is Moanin’ by Art Blakey. The song features throughout the series, the organ version is particularly good (and I think it only exists in/for this anime). I chose this anime for the list because the characters’ love for jazz is infectious and sparks the fire for jazz within you. It makes you want to play jazz, or at least listen to jazz, or read about jazz, or maybe learn an instrument, and that’s something you can do at home on lockdown. Be inspired by the jazz children!

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5. Shinsekai Yori English title: From the New World Premiered: Fall 2012 Studio: A-1 Pictures Where can I watch it? Streaming on Crunchyroll

This is a show set in the future. The art is beautiful and moody, the soundtrack is excellent. It’s sci-fi/fantasy, and has a classic setting: a portion of humanity develops psychic powers. This show follows Saki and her friends into their adulthood in an authoritarian dystopia, masquerading as a utopia.

It’s not a coming of age story. This show is dark. It’s also deceptive. The world built in the anime is layered, complex, and it feels like a full, complete, rounded tale, despite being only 25 episodes. It’s ultimately really a story about inequality, power, and the cost of 'civilisation' - I don’t want to say too much because I don’t want to spoil it for you, we the viewers begin to understand the full nature of the society the children are growing up in as they do, as it unwraps slowly in each episode.

#anime #recommendations #tv and theatre #tv review

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 14/02/2020

This’ll either be a long episode, a very confusing one, or both. We have nine new arrivals, which might actually be our most ever, although it’s probably tied with one from last year unless we had something ridiculous like twelve new arrivals. Let’s just get this over with.

Top 10

First of all, celebrating its second week at #1, we have “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd stable since last week at the top spot. I love this song, so I’m definitely glad to see it here.

Speaking of songs I love, “The Box” by Roddy Ricch isn’t moving either at number-two.

In fact, much like most of our busy weeks, the top 10 doesn’t necessarily reflect that, as with some exceptions, there’s nothing of note to speak of here. “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi is stable at number-three.

The number-four spot has also stabilised; “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa is there, and doesn’t seem to have any competition.

Neither does “Godzilla” by Eminem featuring the late Juice WRLD, unfortunately, at number-five.

Up two spots to number-six for whatever reason is “Life is Good” by Drake, then Future – this might rebound even higher next week due to a DaBaby remix.

“Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi is down a spot to number-seven, but it’ll be back in the top five once the BRITs have their impact. Delightful.

Our big story in the top 10 is the 13-space boost for “Roses” up to number-eight, meaning it’s Saint Jhn’s first ever top 10 single in the UK, and, yeah, sure, we’ll give Imanbek credit for that too, since his unauthorised house remix really blew it up all over Europe. Hence, I’m pretty sure this is the first Kazakh lead artist on a UK Top 10 single, and that’s pretty epic.

Billie Eilish’s “everything i wanted” is down two spots to number-nine.

And finally, to round off our top 10, is the non-mover, “Adore You” by Harry Styles.

Climbers

To my surprise, we do actually have a few notable climbers, and a lot more than I expected at that. First, there’s “You should be sad” by Halsey up five spaces to #12, making a pretty unexpected play for the top 10. There’s also “Lonely” by Joel Corry up 14 spaces to #16 off of the debut, and “Lose You to Love Me” by Selena Gomez inexplicably moving up six spots to #21. Maybe in the wake of a Justin Bieber album, there’s some stan revenge streaming? It’s a stretch but that’s honestly my only explanation other than it making another, more organic chart run. I do have a reason for Jonas Brothers and the nine-spot boost for “What a Man Gotta Do”: the second video as well as the One Show performance, which is still something millions of people watch here in the UK. “Better Off Without You” by Becky Hill and Shift K3y is up 12 to #24 off of the debut and finally, “Say So” by Doja Cat is up 10 spots to #25 also off of the debut (Not complaining about that one).

Fallers

There were some pretty massive fallers this week but also not actually that many that were notable, and definitely ones that demonstrate a transition period between Winter 2019/2020 and Spring 2020, but these are also mostly hip-hop and rap, hence can be explained by streaming cuts, an arbitrary UK chart rule that affects nearly exclusively one genre for the most part. That’s not the case for all of them though; “Wake Up Call” by KSI featuring Trippie Redd is down 17 spaces to #28 because it’s a song by a YouTuber, and hence usually a bit crap. The rule did affect, however, “ROXANNE” by Arizona Zervas, down 24 spaces to #33, and “Memories” by Maroon 5, an exception to the rule seemingly, down 23 spots to #39.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

There were a hell of a lot of dropouts and actually two returning entries, for once. All of these dropouts don’t seem like they’re going to gain much traction after this week, and if they do, it’ll probably be some kind of fluke or special event that gets them back up there. I can see about three or four of these returning to the dregs of the top 40, but otherwise this seems to be the end of the line for most of these. “Bruises” by Lewis Capaldi is out from #15, “Pump it Up” by DJ Endor is out from #23, “Lose Control” by MEDUZA, Goodboys and Becky Hill is out from #25, “This is Real” by Jax Jones featuring Ella Henderson is out from #26, “Ride It” by Regard featuring Jay Sean ends its second run out from #29, “Gangsta” by Darkoo and One Acen is out from #32, “Don’t Rush” by Young T & Bugsey with Headie One is out from #34, “Ladbroke Grove” by AJ Tracey is out for what must be the fourth time from #37, “Those Kinda Nights” by Eminem featuring Ed Sheeran is thankfully out from #38, “Vossi Bop” by Stormzy is temporarily out from #39 but the BRITs will probably pick this one up and boost its numbers, and finally, “Big Conspiracy” by J Hus featuring iceé tgm is out from #40. The other two J Hus songs are somehow still in the top 40.

The two returning entries are, firstly, “Hold Me While You Wait” by Lewis Capaldi returning at #30, seemingly in a trade with “Bruises”, because, I guess two Capaldi songs in the top 10 isn’t enough. The second is “Pee Pee” by M Huncho at #40, and I just love how stupid that song is. It’s actually a pretty fun and arguably good song, but I also have so many questions about it, like why the album it’s from is called Huncholini the 1st. I’m glad to see it back here though. Anyway, before we get to the new arrivals, here are some songs below the top 40 that I could see getting here in a couple weeks, if that. Not all of them are good, not all of them are bad. We have “All I Want” by Olivia Rodrigo at #72, “No Judgement” at Niall Horan at #70, “Yikes” by Nicki Minaj at #69, “No Shame” by 5 Seconds of Summer at #68, “What if I Told You that I Love You” by Ali Gatie at #63, “Charades” by Headie One and Fred Again at #57, “Stop this Flame” by Celeste at #56, “Staqdo” by MoStack at #54, “Mya Mills” by Lil Pino at #50, “Run” by Joji at #46, “High Fashion” by Roddy Ricch and Mustard at #45, and finally, “Ourself” by NSG at #43. Now, for our new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#38 – “Ballin’” – Mustard and Roddy Ricch

Produced by Mustard, Justus West and Gylttrip

Okay, so this is a song I’ve been predicting would breach the top 40 for ages, mostly because it’s already been a massive hit in 2019 for the US, and hence is on my list of the best hit songs of 2019, which will probably be the last of one of those lists that I actually do. It’s #14, so it’s not that high, but I feel like I should talk more in-depth there since the list’ll be out as soon as possible, probably this month. It’s Mustard’s first UK Top 40 hit as a lead artist (Congratulations) and Roddy Ricch’s second – I love this song, we’ll talk about it more another day, that’s all.

#37 – “Suicidal” – YNW Melly

Produced by Z3n

Okay, so let me explain: Yes, YNW Melly, real name Jamell Demons (Fitting name by the way), is still in prison facing murder charges. This is the third album he’s released behind bars, obviously the others were released while he was incarcerated for less serious offenses, but it’s not exactly a new concept and hey, the label aren’t milking his death, at least, although they are milking the murder of two other people, so I guess that point’s out the window. It’s not impossible to make an album from prison but they’re probably just taking snippets of his SoundCloud stuff or unreleased demos and re-releasing it as new content. This is his second UK Top 40 hit after “Murder on My Mind” – if you go by just his song titles, this man is guilty as all hell – and well, it was never going to be any good, was it? The dull piano-lead trap beat isn’t emotive at all, and with the disruptive producer tags and clipping bass, as well as the generic emo guitar, it just feels emotionless, which is awful for a song called “Suicidal”, and YNW Melly is actually giving it all trying to replicate a typical emo-pop song with his voice that I actually love hearing most of the time, especially when it’s drowned in Auto-Tune like this; the vocal track here, despite oddly mixed, would sound great in isolation. Sadly, this beat is so boring, and he goes off topic so many times, with his structure-less flow and monotonous rambling about how he’s got his bag now and everyone’s wishing bad on him now (Probably because he’s facing murder charges)... yeah, this just does nothing for me, and it’s clearly an immature attempt at making a deep, powerful break-up song, even with some of the most pathetic inflections I’ve heard from the man in that “I’m drinkin’ Hennessey” bridge, as well as his heartbreak ending up being as deep as “I swear to God, I swear to God, you stupid bitch”. Yeah, no, this is not great at all, and way too long, by the way.

#36 – “Birthday” – Anne-Marie

Produced by Oak

So, if you forgot who Anne-Marie was, first of all I don’t blame you because so did I, but second of all, she’s a pop songstress who often hops on dancehall or house beats with a voice and delivery that treads the line between indie-girl mumble mouth and a fake Caribbean accent. This is the lead single from her second album, that actually debuted dangerously low—seriously, this is looking like it’s prepared for a sophomore slump ala Camila Cabello’s Romance late last year, although admittedly Anne-Marie’s chart presence, whilst seemingly omnipresent in 2018 and early 2019, has dwindled considerably. This is her tenth UK Top 40 hit, and well, I don’t exactly know what to expect but I’m guessing some fluffy, vaguely tropical dance-pop tune, but it could be a ballad for all I know. It doesn’t look like I’m too far off, but this one is particularly obnoxious, with a dated, beeping synth tone acting as the main melody, an aggravatingly static hi-hat pattern, a messy and out-of-place drum beat that sounds straight out of a shit Flume rip-off, some of Anne-Marie’s most obnoxious Auto-Tuned vocal inflections (And some of her most Kehlani-like, may I add), and vocal mixing that is questionably lower than the drums in the pre-chorus, even though they’re clearly not backing vocals. The chorus is hilariously trite, saying, “Goddamn, it’s my birthday”, and that people should give her money because it’s her birthday. Basically, it’s about a spoiled teenager on her 16th birthday being all rebellious and edgy to spite their parents but without any actual emotion or passion, and instead some pathetic vocal runs and disgusting, cluttered instrumentation... actually, that would describe a teenage birthday party pretty well. The little chuckle at the end in place of an outro is also really cringe worthy. What an awful song – it’s been a while since we’ve had a hit here that seems fundamentally broken, but this gets pretty close.

#34 – “Know Your Worth” – Khalid and Disclosure

Produced by Disclosure

R&B singer Khalid and EDM group Disclosure, two acts I happen to be very fond of whenever they appear on this show, have collaborated for the second time since 2019’s “Talk”, a song which I love but won’t be making an appearance on my best list for that year for one simple reason that’ll seem obvious once you read that list. This collaboration doesn’t seem to be for an album, though, and is instead an advert for Levi’s jeans. Nice. It’s Khalid’s thirteenth and Disclosure’s sixth (ironically excluding “Talk” as they weren’t properly credited as lead artist) UK Top 40 hit, and it sure is a Disclosure song, with their more modern EDM touches they’ve been picking up recently in productions like the aforementioned “Talk” and Mac Miller’s “Blue World”, but with some really sweet steel pans, the same stilted groove they’re known for, a quirky collection of beeping synths and a familiar yelling vocal sample that I can’t find the original source for anywhere. Khalid rides on the instrumental pretty nicely and smoothly but this really isn’t anything special, with the lyrics mostly being some kind of general motivation or self-empowerment, mostly directed towards a girl whose significant other doesn’t exactly treat her like she is worth, apparently to Khalid. I think Shawn Mendes is rubbing off on you, mate.

#32 – “London” – M24 featuring Tion Wayne

Produced by ETS

Hey, Tion Wayne! I like this dude a lot, and I was thinking about him a couple days ago, thinking that he’d had his time up on the charts, but he seems to be back with M24, another British rapper, for this new single. Tion Wayne is one of the main reasons “Options” by NSG is one of my most-listened songs of last year, and has since delivered excellent verses on “Bally” with the equally charismatic Swarmz and tried to lighten up the amazingly dull “Keisha & Becky” by Russ splash, who has since changed his name because of course he has. It’s safe to say he’s one of my favourite of the recent crop of London rappers, simply because of how fun his cadences can be. I was surprised when I saw him on a sharp black-and-white cover art with a song about London, which I assumed would be about the struggles of gang violence and poverty that Tion Wayne has since risen above, but instead, for his fourth UK Top 40 hit and M24’s first ever, we have a chorus that goes, “That gyal wan’ shock, one eye on her arse like, “Holy f***”, look at the arch, you know I buss, back up the arse like uh-uh”. That’s actually about what I expected from Tion Wayne to be honest. Looking back on all those songs that I mentioned, especially “Bally”, it has interesting, eccentric, exciting and energetic cadences, as well as some upbeat production that is sourly missing from people like Aitch and DigDat. That’s why while I was slightly disappointed by the more minimalist, dull, colourless drill production, which honestly actually kind of bangs, I was welcomed by Tion Wayne’s hilarious hook, especially the “UH UH” ad-lib, and his injections of humour into the verses, which M24 tries as well. Both M24’s more aggressive stuttering delivery and Tion Wayne’s more carefree flow work for this beat (which is unfitting for a song that’s supposed to be about attractive women by the way; this is in no way sexy), with Tion Wayne’s first verse seemingly carrying the theme of “beef”, and he likes a fight in prison because it’s “beef in a cell”... “like Beyoncé”? Huh? He kind of gets away with it though, as the next line is even funnier; his gun is like his roll-on deodorant because it doesn’t leave shells. He shouts out his designer-brand boxers then says that he will fight a man for his phone charger. You get why I like this dude, right? He’s kind of absurd. M24 and Tion Wayne trade bars on the second verse, with M24 even lightening up to say that his sex is so good that his groupies try to invite their mother. Lovely. They also share some clever worldplay about “ye” (drugs) and Kanye, both comparing themselves to Kim Kardashian in the process. All this is without overstaying its welcome, by the way, it’s less than three minutes. Wayne then, for a final few bars, adopts the “A$AP Forever” flow to shout out basically every woman in England, as well as saying this:

I f*** your girl from the back / I put my block on the map

These two events (hopefully) have no relation to each other, like at all. Never change, Tion Wayne.

#31 – “Destined for Greatness” – Tobi & Manny featuring Janelle

Produced by Krunchie and Zdot

I knew this was going to be a tricky one once I realised that I know more about the producers than I do about any of the three primary vocalists here. Krunchie and Zdot are responsible for much of Bugzy Malone’s discography, especially the older stuff. Anyway, this is the first UK Top 40 hit for Tobi & Manny, a duo much like Young T & Bugsey or Krept and Konan made of two members or affiliates of the Sidemen, namely: Tobi and Manny, two brothers that joined KSI’s group of YouTubers, rappers, entertainers, FIFA players, what have you. They teamed up with their sister Janelle, who actually contributes very little to the song, no more than a short intro and backing vocals, for a kid-friendly motivational anthem – on a dark, menacing beat. Of course. Yeah, this is pathetic. Both Tobi and Manny have no interesting bars, and whilst it is mostly a story-telling song, there isn’t any passion in their voices about their come-up, so why should I care? Janelle doesn’t exist, and if she does, she’s annoying, joining in on the bland hook for a somewhat colourful addition to the shitty non-entities of Tobi and Manny, both of whom are just phoning it in, but I feel like this is them trying to be their best, to be honest. This is just corny, and aggravatingly so, with a boring beat to boot. I have no idea how this debuted this high, when it is this painfully amateur. “We’re controlling the game like Nintendo Wii”? Give me a break. Oh, and I listened to Tobi’s only other official single as part of the Sidemen on “The Gift”, and somehow he had the best verse.

#29 – “React” – The Pussycat Dolls

Produced by Will Simms, Johan Gustafson and Ivares

The Pussycat Dolls were a girl group formed in the 2000s, who were reasonably  big worldwide and massive here in the UK. They weren’t made by a British talent show, but they were similarly generic and basically just the sexier alternative to the more teeny-bopper groups, and hence I guess were made more for boys than they were for girls, in that respect, but even for today, despite being produced and directed by men for men and presented consistently in an awfully objectifying manner, they have kept that “girl power” schtick. You may know them for “Don’t Cha”, “Buttons”, “Beep”, “I Hate This Part”, whatever, they’re all garbage. After the group split only lead singer Nicole Sherzinger retained relevance and officially made the only good song tangentially related to the Dolls, with her (originally uncredited) feature on “Club Can’t Handle Me” by Flo Rida and David Guetta. I mean, it’s a low bar that you’d think they’d be able to ascend, but I can’t think of a single song from the Dolls that is better. Anyway, they’re all in their 40s now, and they’ve reunited for their eleventh UK Top 40 hit (and their first since 2010’s “Hush Hush, Hush Hush” peaked at #17), with massive comeback, television debut, high-budget music video and... a chart debut at #29. Yikes. Well, the Dolls were always dancers rather than singers, so people won’t purchase the single in the streaming era where you can choose what to listen to and you’re not having songs pushed down your throat by radio stations incessant label promotion (Well, at least not most of the time, Drake). I think the only reason the song is even in the top 40 at all is that the UK Singles Chart decided three years ago that YouTube streams counted for the chart. Listen, the song is manufactured plastic dance-pop that’s worth no-one’s time, with even the most distinct voice in the band, Scherzinger, sounding like a vocaloid. The chorus is a massive rip-off of the melody from the verses of Carly Rae Jepsen’s “I Really Like You”, by the way. Once I heard that, I couldn’t get it out of my head. Jepsen’s song is actually good, by the way.

#27 – “Power Over Me” – Dermot Kennedy

Produced by Koz

Remember “Outnumbered”? That was a pretty decent folk-trap hit, right? Well, Dermot Kennedy is back for his second UK Top 40 single, which was actually released far before his breakout hit but is getting the push now, “Power Over Me”, originally released in 2018. Now, it’s basically the same concept: Irish dude croons and belts over a guitar-lead pop song... but this isn’t a ballad, and instead has a real kick to it, figuratively and literally, but very little groove. The song isn’t bad at all, and I love the concept of a song of not him having the power in this relationship, but him finding himself subservient to this girl, who he paints as some kind of deity figure, and it’s convincing. God, I love how the drums sound in this song. The humming in the pre-chorus is just so sonically pleasing as well. The belting in the bridge and the mesh of guitar, on the other hand, isn’t really, but damn, the strings in the final chorus are genuinely gorgeous, and it’s catchy as hell, so for a good folk-rock love song, yeah, I can vouch for this one. There’s a MEDUZA house remix to this that hilariously misses the point of this song but sounds crazy good doing it, and might be a bit better than the original, if just for the blend of 80s post-disco and 16-bit chiptune bass in the drop. Either way, this is a good song, and reminds me kind of 2000s alt-rock, as did “Outnumbered”, to be honest. Maybe I should check out that debut self-titled album.

#14 – “Intentions” – Justin Bieber featuring Quavo

Produced by Poo Bear and the Audibles

This is the most 2016-sounding song that was released after 2017, and that’s just off the title alone. You guys want to add Chance the Rapper while you’re at it? God, what an anti-climactic end to our new arrivals. Justin Bieber and Quavo. I cannot imagine a blander, less interesting duo than Justin Bieber and Quavo. I think I’ve lived approximately five Quavo verses ever, the dude is so non-descript compared to the rest of the Migos, especially Offset, who, to be honest, I’ve become quite a fan of in recent months. It’s Bieber’s 46th UK Top 40 hit or something to that effect, and Quavo’s seventh but who cares, honestly? Who is listening to Bieber out of passion for his music or voice or whatever? Only his biggest, most loyal fans. The general public who casually listen to Bieber are listening more out of morbid curiosity than anything else, and for someone who seemed like the biggest star in the world at some point, that’s just depressing. Yeah, I have nothing else to say, and I’ll continue to ignore actually reviewing this dude’s songs, even once the album bomb comes next week, if it even does. I think the “(feat. Lil Dicky)” song might be even more dreadfully embarrassing than the “(feat. Quavo)”, actually.

Conclusion

All things considered, this was a below-average week but I had a lot of fun reviewing these songs, so at least most of them were interestingly bad or had intriguing stories behind them. Even if I didn’t review it, the Best of the Week is still going to “Ballin’” by Mustard and Roddy Ricch, with Honourable Mention probably being a toss-up between “London” by M24 featuring Tion Wayne, and “Power Over Me” by Dermot Kennedy. The Worst of the Week is undoubtedly “Birthday” by Anne-Marie, with “Destined for Greatness” by whoever that was by picking up the Dishonourable Mention. This could be one of two or three big weeks on the horizon, so watch out for that and follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for my real-time reactions to said weeks, and more pop music ramblings. Thank you for reading!

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020

[bobbystompy]

My Top 75 Songs Of 2019

Previously: 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

First time going below 100 songs since 2015, and I cannot wait. Giving this extra juice already.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track

Each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check them out for yourself; there is also a Spotify playlist at the bottom that includes the majority of the songs

This is usually the part where I put up a pump up video, but we are going with something a little different this year.

(It was stuck my head. Blame Blink-155.)

75) YG - “In The Dark”

The video begins with YG chugging a full tequila bottle -- sure. This song is very bad. It’s like he’s in a competition to make the verse lyrics worse than the chorus lyrics (spoiler alert: the verses “win”); not even satanic imagery can save this.

74) Solange - “Stay Flo”

Here’s a weird take: wouldn’t Solange’s career be way more fun if everyone slept on her? Instead, it’s hype on hype -- plus being Beyoncé’s sister -- which makes it nearly impossible to deliver. This has a fun beat/vibe but is kinda boring... and was still easily my favorite off her album.

73) Art Alexakis - “The Hot Water Test”

My doctors told me that I had a disease / I will slowly fall apart until there’s nothing left that looks like me

This song makes the stakes clear immediately. It was released a few months after I saw Art play in June 2019 on my birthday. At the intimate show, he revealed his multiple sclerosis diagnosis as if we were all his closest friends. Something like this is never easy to deal with -- a similar announcement by the Lucky Boys Confusion singer did not help matters -- but music can help such a painful situation, and it’s clearly Alexakis’ exile here.

72) The Cranberries - “In The End”

A very suitable sendoff for the band following the passing of singer Dolores O’Riordan. The recording story (via NPR):

O'Riordan died suddenly in January 2018 at 46 years old and left behind the vocal tracks to what was intended to be the band's latest album. Now, O'Riordan's bandmates have decided to complete that album, In The End — the last album the band will release — in her memory. 

[...]

In June 2017, O'Riordan and Hogan started emailing album ideas and demos back and forth to each other. O'Riordan had been very open about her struggles with mental health and addiction, which would affect the band at times, but they wanted to make a new album. Hogan says that when they were emailing those demos, she was in a good place. They started laying down her demos.

"All of that was kind of behind her," Hogan says. "She's kind of found a way to cope with the mental health thing. That's why she wanted to write so much. That's what she kept saying, 'I have so much to say, I just need the music to put it to.' "

Hogan says O'Riordan's apparent stability is what made her death even more tragic and devastating. (Officials ruled O'Riordan's cause of death to be accidental drowning due to alcohol intoxication.) But after a period of mourning, the remaining band members remembered they still had O'Riordan's demos. As Hogan remembers, they finally had the courage to start listening to them again in late February and, with her family's permission, started recording in April. "We spoke to her family and said, 'Look, how do you feel about us finishing the album?' And they were really supportive," Lawler says. "They were delighted, actually. They gave us their blessing."

Hogan says, in a sense, they were used to O'Riordan not being in the studio when they recorded — "Dolores hated hanging around the studio once we worked on our parts" — but, of course, this time was different.

71) Raleigh Ritchie - “Time In A Tree”

Exercise time. Play the first minute or so of this song without looking at any YouTube visuals.

/waits for you

OK, who are you picturing singing this? Got your image?

Well, whatever it was, you’re wrong -- it’s GREY WORM HIMSELF.

This was the best thing about “Game of Thrones” in 2019, sadly.

70) Culture Abuse - “Goo”

Simple, effective, gets out before you can dislike much.

69) Lil Pump f/ Lil Wayne - “Be Like Me”

Sometimes, a song starts, and you can just tell it’s going to be ignorant. Even before the vocals kick in. This was probably our moment here:

Between that and the beat, it’s like the only thing you can think is “Ohhhh, he’s about to say some horrible things about women.”

Other choice lines:

- “Yes, I’m hella ignorant, I don’t give a fuck” (he even says it in the song)

- “I take drugs like it’s Vitamin C / I’m a millionaire, but I don’t know how to read”

This song almost feels like it existed already.

68) The Get Up Kids - “Satellite”

Finally, our first rock song with some punch. This probably takes the crown from both DMB and P.O.D.

67) Bad Religion - “My Sanity”

BR is historically my favorite band, so it is rather deflating to see them so far back on this list. That said, it is Year 40 (!!!) of their existence, so some can be forgiven. Yet... we’ve never needed them more, you know? It’s this weird mixture of resentment but understanding.

66) Billy Liar - “The Righteous & The Rats”

Gonna see him (them?) open for The Bombpops in March; looks quite promising. Has an old school Brit punk feel.

65) Beach Slang - “AAA”

Beach Slang never lets you forget they love -- no, like, LOVE -- The Replacements. When this cover dropped, I googled “replacements AAA”, and, surprisingly, nothing came up.

Ohhh, what I fool I was. After more digging, I discovered a band called Grandpaboy who performed “AAA”.

“Oh, damn -- he finally went outside the box with this pick.”

No. Grandpaboy is fronted by Paul Westerberg. Singer of, you guessed it, The Replacements.

James Alex wears his heart on his sleeve so hard, he might as well give the heart a little jacket so his heart can wear its own heart on its sleeve.

HE DID THAT TOO?!

You can’t even make jokes about this band; they live in the jokes with their damn earnestness.

64) Gesaffelstein & The Weeknd - “Lost In The Fire”

Even lesser known Weeknd-involved tracks sound like they could lead a soundtrack or close out a festival. Are you familiar with this one at all? It has 87 million views on YouTube. Abel is never not not playing.

63) FIDLAR - “By Myself”

Started from the bottom and I’m still at the bottom

Falling apart never felt so carefree and burdenless.

62) Constant Elevation - “Fuck Runnin”

As hardcore punk as this list is gonna get. All glory to Vinnie Caruana. Though none of his solo tracks from 2019 made it, this has an undeniable energy and confidence. Plus probably the best song title of the year.

61) Maren Morris f/ Brandi Carlile - “Common”

A focused duet that drills into relationship dynamics before throwing a personal theology wrench in the middle of the chorus.

60) Anti-Flag - “Christian Nationalist”

AF going in on the white, religious right. This is like throwing a 50 mph pitch to -- /looks up good baseball players -- Pete Alonso.

59) Cokie The Clown - “Punk Rock Saved My Life”

This is less of a song and more of a confessional essay, and it gets harder and harder to look away with every revealing detail. If NOFX’s Fat Mike needed this character as a vehicle to get all of these autobiographical details off his chest, hopefully it’s a helpful therapy.

58) White Reaper - “Might Be Right”

“Judy French” is such an untoppable song, but “Might Be Right” has a similar dynamic.

57) Denzel Curry - “RICKY”

Denzel Curry as a rap moniker is such a slam dunk.

/looks up actual name

!!!

56) Ariana Grande - “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored”

It takes a special kind of hot girl twisted to issue this unflinching request while totally pulling it off.

55) Goody Grace f/ blink-182 - “Scumbag”

Not sure if Goody is a Soundcloud rapper, punk rocker, or some kinda emo hybrid of both.

A few asides:

- Have we ever -- ever -- heard Travis Barker this subdued on drums?

- On the Blink-155 podcast, Goody said he gave Tom from the Plain White T’s a songwriting credit because he unintentionally lifted some melodies from “Hey There Delilah”, but... I really don’t hear it at all; like, it sounds maybe in the same key but not much else?

54) Jonas Brothers - “Sucker”

Despite their popularity in the past, I do not think I could name a single JoBros song. That changed in 2019 with this poppy, light, clappy, Maroon 5-style single.

53) Goo Goo Dolls - “Money, Fame & Fortune”

Someone -- coulda sworn it was Brendan Kelly -- said this was Goo Goo Dolls sounding like Fake Problems, and that is spot on.

52) AJJ - “A Poem”

A poem is song that no one cares about

This short, folky tune led to one of my favorite Twitter exchanges of the year, when I reached out to a music journalist with a question and AJJ came flying off the top rope.

51) DaBaby - “Suge”

This song is fun, but I really don’t get it. Beat is cool, flow is fine... this is the new face of hip-hop? His name is DaBaby! What are we doing here?!

50) Laura Stevenson - “Jesus, Etc.”

Taking a classic and doing it full justice/adding some harmonies.

49) blink-182 - “Not Another Christmas Song”

Blink’s 2019 album “Nine” was very, very bad because it tried too hard and was not good. This song, released later in the year, takes an opposite approach and actually works. We get lyrics that are discontent, even clumsy at times -- the “I miss fucking in the rain” line is so out of place/cringe-y but actually feels real and not workshopped by 10 producers. The trio can hopefully use this better b-side to figure out the best songwriting should flow out of you without having to go through multiple stations on a conveyor belt first.

48) Dave Hause - “Eye Aye I”

This song has a lot I love (catchy chorus, wistful thoughts, hairline analyses) and a lot I don’t (genuine use of the word “old bores”, Van Halen getting respect), but one thing is clear: Dave Hause is in complete control.

47) Beck - “Up All Night”

I’ve casually followed Beck’s entire career and would not have guessed this was him if given 100 chances. As an exercise, I’m going to pull up the 2020 Coachella lineup and randomly point to an artist.

/pulls up lineup and points

I got Daniel Caesar. If you told me this was Daniel Caesar, that would probably make more sense here.

46) Shawn Mendes - “If I Can’t Have You”

Randomly came into Shawn Mendes tickets in 2019, and good gracious, that was something. Other than parents, we were the oldest people there by a lot. Getting to watch thousands of teens and preteens legitimately having the best moment of their lives was downright inspiring. When you’re that young, it’s not even hyperbole. Phones were flagrantly out; I’m talking 20+ minutes of straight video being filmed. I wanted to judge so badly, but if you gave me an iPhone at my first concert when I was 14, who the hell knows how egregious my behavior would’ve been. As fun as the whole experience was, I never wanted to be in a grimy punk club more. Sometimes, leaving your comfort zone makes you appreciate your home base more.

This is a rock solid pop song, but there are way too many you/you rhymes to not penalize it some.

45) Big Thief - “Cattails”

The whitest song you will ever hear that isn’t written by Vampire Weekend.

44) Bayside - “Prayers”

Bayside went super metal with their 2019 release “Interrobang” (such a sick name). So yes, the guitars are a touch harder than you might be used to, but the chorus soars; a great hook transcends genre.

43) Naughty Boy & Mike Posner - “Live Before I Die”

Few had as interesting of a year as Mike Posner. Following a breakup, the death of his father, and the death of Avicii, he decided to walk across the United States of America. He legit became Forrest Gump, right down to the beard and grown out hair.

In the video, you can see how a snakebite hospitalized him and almost derailed the whole trek. After a rehabilitation period where he almost lost his leg, our man finally makes it to the Pacific Ocean. If nothing else, watch for the ending -- it’s exhilarating.

42) Post Malone - “Wow.”

Post is flexing in this one; we’ve got slow motion jamming with the Red Hot Chili Peppers, international flights, a dancing beard guy, and a Fall Out Boy name check which really makes them sound cooler than they are now.

41) Bryce Vine f/ YG - “La La Land”

Sometimes, these summertime Cali songs write themselves. That is until YG comes in and flips over the board before you can finish the game. By the time the Coachella reference is dropped when Bryce comes back in, you realize 1:47 may have actually been a better endpoint for the song than its 2:47 length.

40) David Rokos - “Backseat Drives”

It’s winter in Chicago, again and until forever. If you haven’t been to the Jewel in the South Loop or Marshall Field’s before they changed it, just listen to this so you don’t actually have to.

39) Simple Creatures - “Drug”

Mark Hoppus and the dude from All Time Low give us this synth-pop bop that feels like the duo shooting their shot at a real mainstream pop hits. It didn’t quite get there, but they should feel OK about where it landed.

38) Chris Cresswell - “To The Wind”

My interest in The Flatliners ramped up considerably in 2019, as their near decade old record “Cavalcade” got plenty of spins (peep “Filthy Habits”; just stunningly incredible punk). Though they did not release anything this year, their singer put out “To The Wind”, a longing song about missing someone.

37) Kesha f/ Big Freedia - “Raising Hell”

Kesha, with the help of New Orleans’ Big Freedia, gives us another one. I’ve personally dug Kesha for a while now, but when is it time for us as a society to put her into the all-time conversation for pop artists? She has at least, like, seven HOF certifiable bangers. Plus she kills a guy in this music video.

In conclusion, I think this could translate to a country song very easily.

36) No Lenox - “Marquee”

Illinois/Japan’s No Lenox are back with Reuben Baird on the mixer and legendary masterer Collin Jordan (of The Boiler Room) on the, well, master, and the fullness in sound leads to the assault that is the “I saw your name on the marquee / Your friends were milling around outside” part. They only play it once, but I really could’ve gone for closer to five.

35) Red City Radio - “Love A Liar”

Rapid fire Red City Radio gets this one done in exactly 120 seconds.

34) Barely March - “Lead Single”

This sounds like Joyce Manor turned up to a 17 out of 10 before unexpectedly turning into a hellogoodbye song.

33) New Lenox - “Old Words”

Not a typo from two songs ago -- legitimately a different band. This one was written by your boy. The first 15 seconds were from a demo recorded 1/2/16 before developing the rest in 2019 (after some encouragement). We have Dave Rokos on guitar/bass, Dave Hernandez on hums, and Brian Bedford on some very temporary sleigh bells. Themes: online dating, resolutions, exes, currents, Black Wednesday, hope, and Carly Rae Jepsen stage banter.

32) MakeWar - “Sails”

Honey, I can’t make it on my own

You might get some Gaslight Anthem vibes as the vocals come in, but by the time the song ends, MakeWar leaves their own imprint on this impassioned ballad.

31) Sheryl Crow & Johnny Cash - “Redemption Day”

Was gonna say Johnny’s voice could move mountains before realizing no, Johnny’s voice is the mountains.

30) American Football f/ Hayley Williams - “Uncomfortably Numb”

Sensitivity deprived I can't feel a thing inside I blamed my father in my youth Now as a father, I blame the booze

An unlikely collaboration that makes you forget about its unlikeliness by the two minute mark. The two voices trade spots, mesh, harmonize, and weave throughout this beautiful song.

Asides:

- Blake from “Workaholics” in the video?!

- Choose to interpret this song’s title as a Pink Floyd diss

- “I’ll make new friends in the ambulance” should be a 2005-level emo lyric that we all mock, yet it’s somehow one of the most stunningly appropriate closers of the entire year

- I wish my friend Luke was with us to hear it

29) Stuck Out Here - “Embarrass You”

Stuck Out Here got onto my radar with 2014′s amazingly named “Getting Used To Feeling Like Shit”. Five years later, they’re back -- and not feeling much better. The Toronto quartet’s Bandcamp describes the song like this:

They’re fucking up, but unlike previous releases, they’re finally holding themselves accountable. 

You can even kinda hear their Canadian accents in the “I’m sorry I embarrass you...” part.

28) The Weeknd - “Heartless”

The Weeknd will be on these lists as long as he continues to make music even 1/8th as good as this.

27) The Chainsmokers f/ blink-182 - “P.S. I Hope You’re Happy”

A simple song that’s a touch more clever than you first realize. The Chainsmokers guy is giving me some real Owl City vibes. Also, how airtight of an apology is the line “I blame myself for when I was someone else”. It’s like the modern way of saying “When I was a child, I spoke like a child”. 

Also also, the “I will find a way somehow...” harmony in the pre-chorus is as pretty as music got in 2019. The Chainsmokers are so sonically pleasing, whether you end up liking the music or not.

26) Vampire Weekend - “Harmony Hall”

ooooooooh, that crisp guitar in the intro

25) Alex Lahey - “Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself”

If Carly Rae Jepsen can get a sword, why can’t Alex Lahey get a god damn saxophone? HIT ME.

That solo, combined with the “Mighty Ducks” reference in the chorus, make this song untouchable.

24) Lizzo - “Truth Hurts”

Let’s be clear: this did drop in 2017 but was technically re-released in 2019, so it does qualify for our list despite the criteria threatening timeline. Anyway.

The walking piano part, the iconic intro line (with a lawsuit!), the Minnesota Vikings reference (causing a Green Bay radio edit), and all of the damn positivity. Lizzo was among music’s big winners this year, and her success made you wonder how the hell someone this talented was slept on for those two years.

Let’s end with the purse.

23) An Horse - “Ship Of Fools”

Awkward band name, but a song that makes you pay attention. Kinda like Tegan and Sara, had they stayed more rock. So much urgency in the vocals and lyrics.

22) Charli XCX f/ Lizzo - “Blame It On Your Love”

Trippy vid; Charli continues to give us anthems. Wasn’t super high on the Lizzo cameo, but it somehow made more sense in the context of said video.

21) Sincere Engineer - “Dragged Across The Finish Line”

Sincere Engineer is back -- you can tell from the second those guitar leads get goin’. Drums from 1:19 to 1:36 = /heart eyes emoji. My buddy Cox said his next tattoo very well could be the outro lyric “Too dumb to succeed, too honest to cheat”.

(Bonus fact: they did a beer collaboration/show with Pollyanna Brewing Company in 2019.)

20) Lil Nas X - “Old Town Road”

Was unwilling to listen when this first dropped solely because of how horrible Lil Nas X’s name is (”What if a rapper came out named ‘Lil Jay-Z X’?!”)... what a foolish notion. One billion streams and a Billy Cyrus cameo later, I wouldn’t have been able to miss out on the Song of the Summer (and year) if I tried. More notes:

- Picked this because I had to, but “Panini” is legit good (200+ million streams)

- Went with the original (sorry, Billy), which is a beautiful 1:53 long (brevity, brevity, brevity)

- Did you know: Lil Nas X uses a Nine Inch Nails sample on the beat? This Rolling Stone interview with Trent Reznor is super interesting

Reznor calls “Old Town Road” “undeniably hooky,” but once it exploded, he took a back seat to the phenomenon. “The reason I haven’t stepped in to comment anything about it is, I don’t feel it’s my place to play any kind of social critic to that,” he says. “It was a material that was used in a significant way and it turned into something that became something else, and those guys should be the ones the spotlight is on…. They asked if I wanted to do a cameo in the video, and it was flattering, and I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I don’t feel like it’s my place to shine a light on me for that. I say that with complete respect.”

Still, Reznor is amazed at how the song became a juggernaut. “Having been listed on the credits of the all-time, Number One whatever-the-fuck-it-is wasn’t something…I didn’t see that one coming,” he says. “But the world is full of weird things that happen like that. It’s flattering. But I don’t feel it’s for me to step in there and pat myself on the back for that.”

19) Gryffin & Carly Rae Jepsen - “OMG”

What doesn’t this little bop have? It’s kinda Chainsmoker-y and tingles like cool breath hitting the back of your neck.

18) Craig Finn - “Blankets”

You travel your whole life just to get out to the place you’re gonna die

I love everything about this song: the artwork, the intro, the climax, the command Craig Finn has from start to finish -- with such a payoff. Now several albums in, the greatest compliment we can give is that his solo stuff now feels more essential than Hold Steady releases*. You can even hear it in this line: “When we got to the Twin Cities / I said ‘Man, I know some songs about this place’”. Another life.

17) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Now That I Found You”

Carly always keeps us in the sky; picking one song was difficult because the album is even more fulfilling as you get to put the pieces together.

16) Billie Eilish - “Bad Guy”

Different genres*, but Billie Eilish lived up to her hype in the exact same way Lana Del Rey did in the earlier part of the decade. Lana said she was the gangster Nancy Sinatra and totally fucking was. Billie feels like something potentially even bigger. Nearly everything about her aura lets you project (or even second guess, if you’re a skeptic). Is she dead-eyed because she’s high or disaffected? Or just Aubrey Plaza? Is it her or her brother that’s pulling the strings? How can someone so young be so good already? In the skinny fashion era of All Achilles Everything, how is she rocking such loose fits?

“I never want the world to know everything about me. I mean that’s why I wear big baggy clothes,” she said. “Nobody can have an opinion because they haven’t seen what’s underneath.”

“Nobody can be like ‘Oh, she’s slim-thick, she’s not slim-thick, she’s got a flat ass, she’s got a fat ass,’” she continued. “No one can say any of that because they don’t know.”

It almost seems too easy, but how much sense does that make to you?

Great jokes aside, I have so much anticipation for what’s next, with assured belief in its potential. Pitchfork: 

In 10 years, she will still be well under 30. Let’s hope the planet survives that long.

Yes.

(* - though not totally)

15) Ben Gibbard - “Filler”

Before you check Gibbard’s, please listen to the original by Minor Threat. That’s what he had to work with. From there, a total transformation while doing the near impossible -- keeping its beating heart.

14) Martha - “Wrestlemania VIII”

Third favorite song title of the year/favorite music video of the year. This is energetic, bratty punk at its finest; also surprised to find out it was British, but, based on the upcoming tour dates and YouTube description...

This is a silly & frankly quite rubbish video but when you are a band trapped within surveillance capitalism's endless hunger for content trying to promote a tour sometimes things will be a silly & frankly quite rubbish. 

I love them. Seriously didn’t even notice the accents in the singing until I knew to look for them; now, it’s all I can hear. Also, the part in the video where they finally show someone with an instrument, only he stops playing guitar halfway into the solo (/crying emoji).

THEY SAY ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDA

13) Chance The Rapper f/ Ben Gibbard - “Do You Remember”

Chance The Rapper dropped a one hour and 17 minute album in 2019 because he is a monster. I could not name three songs on it, but this one stood out big. It’s Chano doing what he does best: reminiscing and evoking summer in his city. Gibbard on the hook gives it that 2005 nostalgia while also making you say “Damn, it’s been nearly 15 years since 2005?!”

Fav two lines:

1) “Used to have obsession with the ‘27 Club’ / Now I'm turning 27, wanna make it to the 2070 club / Put the 27's down, Lord, give me a clean lung / Took the ring up out the box, I know this ain't no brief love”

2) “That summer left a couple tan lines / I love my city, they let me cut the line on the Dan Ryan”

(If you know, you know.)

Two more asides:

- If you Google “death cab for cutie”, the next autofill from there is “do you remember”. Rough for the legacy.

- “My daughter on the swing like the 2017 Cubs” is a line that confused me, but here’s how Genius explained it:

Chance is talking about a memorable summer and the things that made him happy. This line continues that theme when he raps about his daughter happily on a swing and how that’s similar to the 2017 Cubs. The Chicago Cubs won the World Series in 2016; therefore, the 2017 season was one of celebration and relaxation as the pressure of the 108 year drought was over. 

12) Lana Del Rey - “The Greatest”

I miss Long Beach, and I miss you...

Listening to this song feels like watching the cement dry on a classic in real time. Lana Del Rey’s galactic “Norman Fucking Rockwell!” dominated lists at the end of 2019, and she -- to borrow her word -- fucking deserved it.

- The Beach Boys line is so god damn perfect

- The guitar solo (soooo sick)

- The breathy singing; the crooning; the notes that go up and then down until you’re surrounded by melody

- The perfection of this album name (minus the very iffy exclamation point) will have me comparing nearly any other all-time album title for probably the rest of our lives 

- Tried playing this album during my Monday night pickup basketball run, and it very much failed... but that’s about the only thing it couldn’t do

- I’m told the dude with her on the album cover is Jack Nicholson’s grandson (named Duke Nicholson, because of course)

11) Off With Their Heads - “No Love”

If you do not like punk rock, this will be unlistenable. If you do, what a treat! I love how dissatisfied and put off he sounds, and, while there are a few more lively songs remaining on the list, none in 2019 got fast-tracked to my workout/pump up playlist at this speed.

Factoring in the band’s van accident (occurred after the release of this song), the “There’s nothing I could say that’s ever gonna make it right” outro becomes hauntingly clairvoyant.

10) Drake f/ Rick Ross - “Money In The Grave”

We need to face facts: it was a down year for stadium hip-hop. Nowhere on this list do you see Jay, Em, Kendrick, or Kanye (rest in peace). This was my favorite rap song of the year, and it couldn’t even crack the Top 5. Similar to his beloved Raptors -- who are being celebrated here -- it’s almost as if Drake needed some injuries outside his own locker room to get the crown. But I’m done being bummed, let’s focus on the good:

- Ohhhh, the intro (”I mean where. the fuck. should I. really even start?”)

- The way he says “grave” in the hook like he can barely contain 

- The hook itself -- read it out loud: “When I die, put my money in the grave”

- How cool Ross sounds when he breaks in

- The Zion reference

The bad:

- Rarely take this angle, but really wouldn’t mind if it were longer

- Misogyny

9) PUP - “Bloody Mary, Kate And Ashley”

Second favorite song title of the year, 6/8 time signature, satanic references, drugs, hallucinations (maybe), and, yes, the Olsen twins.

8) Better Oblivion Community Center - “Sleepwalkin’”

“It’s impossible to count...”

The intro, as the tempo gets jarringly slower and slower, ironically helps you acclimate quicker. This Phoebe Bridgers/Conor Oberst collab was my No. 1 played track of 2019 (the album coming out in January definitely helped). The song builds to Phoebe’s solo part:

You like beer and chocolate I like setting off those bottle rockets We can never compromise But fighting 'til the death keeps us alive

It’s sung so well, you can almost feel the heat of the spotlight on her through the stereo. The lyrics could be anything.

The chill guitar solo takes us out.

7) AM Taxi - “Saint Jane”

Adam Krier is such a rockstar, he had me shouting “I’m no hero, at best a zero!” within my fifth listen -- and I was skeptical as hell when I first heard the line. But that’s about where it stopped. You can tell this song is going to rip even before the vocals come in. When they do (”These fears don’t die, you get older and they multiply”), it’s just fucking time to go.

6) Taylor Swift - “Paper Rings”

My favorite pop song of 2019. Tay is firing on all cylinders; every lyric is exactly where it’s supposed to be; boppy and fun and sincere (while still being light-hearted). Still holding out minor hope it will be a single in 2020.

5) Pkew Pkew Pkew - “The Polynesian”

I’ve always said the best songs make you want to live the lyrics, whether they are positive or negative. This one had me researching “polynesian wisconsin” faster than I’m comfortable disclosing. And yes “bed bugs” and “needles” were both in the Top 7 recommended searches after those first two words.

Pkew Pkew Pkew collaborated with Craig Finn on some of their lyrics on 2019′s “Optimal Lifestyles”, and I’d be blown away if he doesn’t have fingerprints on this one -- the storytelling is pristine. Go into this open-minded, and I’d be shocked if you weren’t shouting the “Goatees, tall cans, camo pants, and Packers fans” mantra by the end.

Bonus story: this St. Patrick’s day in Chicago, I asked my friend Sara (Wisconsin native) if she’d ever stayed there, and she held up her elbow and showed me a scar from the hotel’s water slide. Your boy was over the moon.

4) Spanish Love Songs - “Losers”

It gets harder, doesn’t it?

Dylan Slocum has a way of not just writing depressing songs -- many lyricists are good at that -- but specifically depressing songs. This song contemplates death, homelessness, squandering your limited time on the planet, credit card debt, leeching off your parents because you have no other choice, crippling illness, and completely giving up because there genuinely is no other choice. The last lines are, without any hint of winking, “We’re mediocre. We’re losers. Forever.”

It’s wonderful.

Two straight Top 4 finishes for SLS; their 2020 album should be something special.

3) oso oso - “the view”

If Jade Lilitri is making personal progress in “microscopic strides”, you wouldn’t be able to tell by his songwriting. Every tune has a way of warming up your entire body and being. This grabs you, whether it’s the laid back guitar or the mismatched quick drums or the big ass chorus. While it came down to this one or “basking in the glow” (an actual single), the bridge here puts us over the top:

But not as much as the phone ringing Not as much playing my house Not as much as the way her goddamn voice sounds It's like taking in sun And then taking it back I fall into old habits I'm stepping over your cracks again

Her voice? This song.

2) The Menzingers - “Strangers Forever”

This song makes me want to rip up walls, sprint through streets with no destination, shred my lungs screaming off rooftops, bash hands drumming the steering wheel until my sprained fingers beg me to stop. It is such a perfect encapsulation of my favorite band of the decade and possibly of all-time.

Scranton’s sons gave me everything and more from 2010 through 2019, so it’s fitting they end so high here. This is probably the most clownable sentence of them all, but I am so constantly thankful I am alive to experience Greg Barnett’s songwriting. What he creates, I can only compare to the best books or movies or athletes or even personal relationships.

The way the guitar alternates in the headphones to start, the drums that go big and push the song along, the reverb vox that certainly could have less reverb, the “it is what it is”-style lyric of “My miserable memory’s making me more miserable”, the oceanic imagery, the quiet bridge that explodes into a final chorus. Barnett said the overall theme was inspired by Leo Tolstoy’s “Anna Karenina”.

In it, the character Darya Alexandrovna learns of her husbands infidelity and declares: “Even if we remain in the same house, we are strangers — strangers forever!” The idea of becoming a stranger to someone you so intimately know stuck with me, and became the overarching narrative to this song. Dolly’s statement is definitive, but she also realizes the trappings of 19th century patriarchal Russian society. It’s a complex conundrum, and while lyrically I speak in the first person, this song exists in a world outside of my own personal experiences. I wanted to write about the finality of relationships that need to end this way. Strangers Forever. 

My only gripe is I wish there were more. But I’m the same person who never wants them to stop.

1) Signals Midwest f/ Sincere Engineer - “Your New Old Apartment”

Only one song could make me fear missing the chance to be with the love of my life the same year I married her. As discussed in “The Polynesian”, the best songs have the consistent ability to put you in someone else’s shoes. You are either reliving something you personally experienced or maybe taking it all in for the first time. And that can be powerful -- especially dealing with anything big picture.

“Your New Old Apartment” launches me into 2009 without ever asking. Age: 23. My life was transient, I had no career, I didn’t even believe in marriage. I left my retail job in the Chicago suburbs for an unpaid newspaper internship in New Jersey. When I saw the people I loved, I always tried to make it count. Still do.

The descriptors and feeling are suffocating, right from the jump:

I only saw you a couple times last year Once at a wedding, once at a funeral I wore the same clothes to both, and I was worried you would notice ‘cause yours were impeccable

That’s me, then. Not knowing how to dress but hoping to get by anyway. I remember talking to my buddy P before buying my “work clothes” and learning you needed to match your shoes with your belt. Boyish adulthood.

The song continues, and the narrator is filled in on 5-year plans. It may be cliche to speak, but every current moment is simultaneously your youngest and oldest. Being in my early 30s now, it is so easy to scoff at anyone’s best laid plans, but I’m also the same cat who thought The Wonder Years’ “Jesus Christ, I’m 26 / All the people I graduated with / All have kids, all have wives, all have people who care if they come home at night” was life-defining, because I was the same age when that dropped, and it always hits the hardest when it’s all around you.

What I love about these lyrics are the careful observation mixed with mature-behind-his-years restraint. For a very long time in my life, I did not think I would get to be with my wife as anything more than a friend. When you are forced to come to terms with those potential realities, you must make concessions and convince yourself they’re OK. So when it’s revealed the narrator’s muse is married, he resigns himself to hopefully seeing the person more and at least being adjacent to the life they are living. It is tragic but still something. It is alternate hope in the hopeless.

I can picture myself listening to this song that wasn’t yet written while leaving a 2009 or 2010 or 2013 wedding and wishing I told her everything. But I wouldn’t have -- not then. I would have poured my heart out into a diary and quoted a line or three from this at the bottom. But that was then, this is now. 

In 2019, her new old apartment will be my new old apartment, and that will never be lost on me.

* * *

Bonus coverage. Since we are at the end of the decade, I rounded up our No. 1 song from each year and have that below:

2010: The Menzingers - “Time Tables” 2011: Jay-Z & Kanye West - “Gotta Have It” 2012: Carly Rae Jepsen - “Call Me Maybe” 2013: Kanye West - “On Sight” 2014: The Menzingers - “Where Your Heartache Exists” 2015: Big Sean f/ Kanye West - “All Your Fault” 2016: The Menzingers - “Lookers” 2017: The Menzingers - “After The Party” 2018: Horror Squad - “I Smoke The Blood” 2019: Signals Midwest f/ Sincere Engineer - “Your New Old Apartment”

* * *

It’s time to stop writing. Thank you so much for reading.

Spotify playlist is here, featuring 70 of the 75.

#taylor swift #oso oso #pkew pkew pkew #the menzingers #2019 #2020 #pup #drake #rick ross #chance the rapper #lana del rey #craig finn #carly rae jepsen #sincere engineer #lizzo #alex lahey #vampire weekend #the chainsmokers #blink-182 #the weeknd #kesha #post malone #bayside #dababy #jonas brothers #ariane grande #music #lists #denzel curry #maren morris

[mollysgoldilocks]

The exhibition at the Ashmolean, curated by Koons himself, showcased a number of famous Koons pieces, including Antiquity, Equilibrium and his Gazing Ball series. My interest in Jeff Koons stemmed from his use of collage-like techniques, which were actual digitalised references images which have then been painted by some of his hundreds of painting assistants.

To think of my own work in relationship to Koons, which is the most important outcome of an exhibition visit (bar the inspiration element), is challenging. A lot of what he deals with in his work is beyond the aesthetics of the piece. Sure, this plays a role, especially in the Gazing Ball series whereby Old Master’s paintings are painstakingly recreated, but the integrity - the core- of his work focuses on a range of human senses. For example, his Balloon series considers the human act of breathing, and in turn the ability to sense life and death, the act of breathing in/out becoming a metaphor for the inhaling of knowledge and life/exhaling of life at death. What I want to discuss, and consider, is less about the /sculptural/ Koons, and more about the /painter/ Koons - or, rather, his assistants. 

It’s something I can’t quite understand - him being both an artist and a brand. Can you be both at the same time? Nonetheless, he is the brains behind the work - the concepts, ideas and overall end result is at his hands, or his judgement.

I could debate for hours about the authenticity of his work - whether he can truly call it his, or whether he has unknowingly. (or knowingly) turned himself into an artist-turned-businessman, the dictator of his studio, because of his lack of actual, physical /touch/ to his own work. This topic is one that makes me consider my own stance as an artist. Yes, I love his work, his ideas, his concepts. But do I love His work, or do I love his Assistant’s work? I think this is a question that is so basic in its concept, but a question that nonetheless I am always thinking about in my own work. Does my work become mine the more I put into it? Is it mine because they are my ideas, or is it mine because it becomes mine through my processes? Could I still call it mine if I traced? Could it be mine if I followed a tutorial? Is it mine even though my ideas have probably been searched before? The questions are endless. If I gatekeep the ownership of art, then when does it end? Is my work still mine even though I used a camera made by somebody else to take my reference photographs with? See, this train of thought can carry on for miles, and there is no way of stopping it because there are no hard rules with art. All that I know, right now, is that to comfortably call my art my own, I feel the need to be involved at every step, else the fraud within me rears its ugly head. 

Maybe that’s why I find Koons’ work so interesting. Maybe he taps into that of which I don’t feel comfortable accepting: that everybody is an artist, and that an artist is not a tiered system whereby you gain the rights to call yourself an artist. I don’t know much, but I do know that art should not have perimeters, and that whatever you consider art is art. But whether I consider it to be /my/ art is another question.

Koons’ interview with Xa Sturgis was eye-opening. He talked about surviving his first trip to a museum during his first year at art school, and mentions the inadequacy of his place within the museum - he didn’t know the famous painters, he couldn’t name the techniques. But he did know that he loved art, and wasn’t going to let the proposed rules of the art world eliminate him from it. “It’s about self-empowerment and your ability to empower other people.” My own notions of art criticism are that I can’t possibly say that I am an artist, because I don’t know all about art. Somebody will come along and tell me something I don’t know, or a new artist will be mentioned in a lecture and whilst everybody nods their head in agreement, I stay quiet because I’ve frankly never heard of them before. And this is a real thing that art students have to face. I suppose, people of all worlds have to face. There will be people that knight you with the title “Artist”, and there will be people that see your artistic intentions and that is all that they need to have confirmation of your status as an artist. Status is a strange word - does the word Artist have that status? I think it does. I think many people, especially students, are scared to give themselves this title. 

I’ve talked a lot about questions that arose when I went to this exhibition, and whilst this exhibition excited me in terms of the actual paintings, the questions that I left with made more of an impact on how I will see my own practice from now on. Sure, his paintings are beautiful. They’re the perfect balance between the modernity of today and the beauty of realism. Perhaps they lean towards the hyper-realist category (of which I tend to think of as a craft), but they depict beautifully the mediation between the Old art and the New art, the High art and the Low art. They speak to the painter within me, the digital artist within me and the concept creator within me. They inspire me to make rather than to sit, but also to think rather than to watch. Despite the paintings being so beautifully made, and spending an hour at the exhibition, I thought much more about the status of my own art, the status of my own self in relation to art. So, where do I sit? Am I a painter? Am I a creator? Am I both, or am I neither? 

Hearing Koons’ talk to Sturgis in a 6 minute looping interview shown just left of the entrance, I picked up a few phrases that Koons seemed to like. He talked a lot about self-acceptance. Of art being the key to self-acceptance, and through art we can accept ourself, and help others to accept themselves. I’m not sure how exactly my work would do that for other people, but from the outside looking in, I was able to concretely say that my own work has definite, important and solid roots in the acceptance of myself. My old tutor spoke to me a lot about including my proposed self within my work, that the self I am is a self that is shaped, a self that treats the world like a catwalk. Maybe because I had a rainbow fringe and wore thick heavy make-up at the time, but it still influenced my first “performative” piece in Tinderella. Instead of hiding away, which I often did, I forced myself to become the work. I was surrounded by people that loved what they did, and weren’t afraid to treat the world as a stage. I was suddenly in this mental state where I finally liked how I looked, I was able to be and look how I wanted to, and used this as the platform to self-acceptance. What Koons’ said about self-acceptance through art I saw in his Gazing Ball series. You are looking into the gazing ball as you are looking into the piece. You can’t look at the piece without seeing yourself - you’re now forever engrained within your memory as part of the piece. And this looks different for everyone. And I think that’s the beauty of it. The piece becomes a part of each person differently. Despite the painting being astonishingly beautiful and effortlessly perfect (that’s a strong word), being with the piece becomes overshadowed by a giant reflective orb that only shows your face. Whether you like it or not, you are part of it. And there starts the path to self-acceptance. Perhaps my path to self-acceptance is different, being as my work has begun to take shape as the essence of my own self-acceptance path. 

I don’t think its necessarily obvious in my work - this whole concept of becoming through painting isn’t new. However, I don’t think this matters. The act of becoming as myself, the acceptance of myself as an actor and my life as a stage is a purely selfish process. It’s kind of cliched when art starts to become the process of knowing yourself, and I want to avoid that as much as I can. I don’t want to be a cliche. But I also can’t deny the fact that the act of being within my work has pushed my abilities and confidence much further than it would have gotten without. I think the way to approach this is to keep it to myself. Yes, my work might deal with my own self-becoming, but that is not the whole of it, and that is not the essence of it.

I guess what this write-up was to do was to set my own work within the perimeters of art (although there shouldn’t be any), and to express what I gained from seeing Koons’ work in the flesh. I can’t say I’ve been a life-long fan, that I was a die-hard Kooner. But seeing his work (and his assistants, that really should be listed somewhere) close up, and in person, has been mind-altering for contextualising my own practice, ideas, concepts and self. So thanks, Jeff Koons. 

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