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#Disorder

✨June Goals✨

- Don’t consume more than 800 calories unless doing a more restricted day.

- Burn at least 300-400 calories a day.

- Drink 60-80 oz of water.

- BE UNDER 200LBS YOU FAT COW.

- Eat little to no carb.

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Disorder is 150,000 words so far, but the next two chapters are like 8,000 each. So that’s 166,000, and then 7 more chapters after that?? Looks like it’s going to be 200,000 because I can’t shut the fuck up. 😅

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TW: ED and Body Dysmorphia mention…..

Them: “What’s wrong? What’s up with you? Why are you ignoring us?”

Me: Fine. [finally says what’s on my mind, mostly my disordered mindset and complaining on how I’m constantly fat. Along other things. Thinks therapy is a joke lately, because wait for it]

Them: “Omg. No. Not that. Wtf? [Shames me for it. Shuts it down] Woow. We have problems too. That’s stupid. [invalidates it] You are TOO THIN, you’re supposed to be 140, even though we tell you that when you WEIGHED THAT TOO, lmao. Why make us look bad for that?!? Ed? Body dysmorphia what? You’re so selfish! Omg. We’re not your therapist, even though we flood you with our BS. Go get cured! [Reads anything on God topic like so]”

Me: ……….

Them: [constantly nitpick on my “thinness” and how my cheeks are always swollen. Doesn’t uNdErStAnD why I always change clothes and wear things that HiDe My FAT]

Me: ……..

Me: 🙃 [brings forward “Hails Satan,” and jokes on having satanic rituals. Throws in dark jokes I shouldn’t joke about. Cuddles with ED, because that’s familiar and it’s definitely how I cope]


Someone send me Michael Langdon and hugs. Maybe cute, fluffy animals. Thank you.

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No omg that doesn’t sound weird at all!! I loved that part, and to me, small and subtle moments really add depth and reality to the story even if they’re not between the main pairing 🥺 I didn’t want to put anyone off the story in case either Steve/Bucky or Thor/Loki wasn’t their jam so I try to keep the ships very neutral when I mention them but yes!! I’m so happy you liked that part because I put just as much work into the background as I do the main part, and it thrills me when people notice >:)

You’re so sweet to share your feedback with me, and thank you so much for reading! I hope you have an excellent week and enjoy the rest of the story 🖤🥰🖤🥰

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Ahhh!! 🥺🥰🥰 I’m so glad you liked them!! I really tried my best. 😊😊😊😊 I’m curious to know about all your questions!!! 👀👀👀👀 I hope I answer them in the next chapters so you are satisfied. 🖤🖤😅🖤🖤🥰

Thank you so much!!! Your feedback is so appreciated 😫😫😫

xx

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Hello! It’s great to hear from you 🖤🖤 I completely understand your point of view, and I appreciate you taking the time to reach out to me. I also appreciate your friends suggesting the story. That’s so kind!!

Consider your love received! I send you my best wishes and love in return 🖤🖤

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Thoughts racing, raging,

Pacing the grooves of my brain,

Asphyxiated alive, try to survive

Feigning, waning, dangling,

Aching, breaking mental pain,

Mind a hive, cannot thrive,

Cannot understand a new stanza

A remnant rhyme scheme aging,

Restless thoughts run and stain,

We are live, into a nosedive,

No plans and no answers,

Strangling, entangling,

Is this contrived, inscribed?

In hellish plains, no gains,

Anguished in a lacquered cancer,

How I wish for rain again.

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