#I am fully 100% convinced that she intended this to be a love story

[mycological-mariner]

Listen. I know there’s 2 more books. But this is stressing me out. It’s the ultimate act of self restraint, not finishing it right this very second

#fuck #I need to finish it I neeeeed to know what happens when the heron’s flight is done! #the way this author WRITES jfc I love it #I am fully 100% convinced that she intended this to be a love story #even if she didn’t mean romantic it’s still a goddamn love story #THE ENTIRE SCENE IN THE DUNGEONS #HELLO HI #makes me wanna crawl out a window #it’s pain and agony and death and despair #it’s also 2.20am #I’ll finish this tomorrow night #KEITH ONLY JUST REALISING HE WANTS EWEN’S FRIENDSHIP ABOVE SO MUCH ELSE #HIS DESCRIPTION OF BEING TWO TREES WHOS ROOTS GREW AND READHED OUT TO EACH OTHER IN DARKNESS #FUCK. OFF. #im dying out here #fuckin christ man. I KNOW there’s 2 more books. that doesn’t make it better?? #how much more will I need to suffer?? #I swtg if Keith finds Lachlan I’m jumping into a river #THE VERY EXISTENCE OF THERE BEING 2 MORE BOOKS GEEKS ME OUT #what ELSE could possibly go wrong??? #how much more drama and angst can you wring from my heart Broster??? HOW MUCH MORE?? #the flight of the heron #foth #spoilers #I think??? #anyways

[nealiios]

The Supernatural 70s: Part I - Corruption of An Innocent

"We're mutants. There's something wrong with us, something very, very wrong with us. Something seriously wrong with us - we're soldiers writers."

-- with apologies to the screenwriter of "Stripes"

Dear reader, I have the darkest of revelations to make to you, a truth when fully and wholly disclosed shall most assuredly chill you to the bone, a tale that shall make you question all that you hold to be true and good and holy about my personal history. While you may have come in search of that narrative designer best known for his works of interactive high fantasy, you should know that he is also a crafter of a darker art, a scribbler of twisted tales filled with ghosts, and ghouls, and gargoyles. I am, dear innocent, a devotee of horrors! Mwahahahaha!

[cue thunderclap, lightning, pipe organ music]

Given the genre of writing for which most of you know me, I forgive you if you think of me principally as a fantasy writer. I don't object to that classification because I do enjoy mucking about with magic and dark woods and mysterious ancient civilizations. But if you are to truly know who I am as a writer, you must realize that the image I hold of myself is principally as a creator of weird tales.

To understand how and why I came to be drawn to this sub-genre of fantastic fiction, you first must understand that I come from peculiar folks. Maybe I don't have the Ipswich look, or I didn't grow up in a castle, but my pedigree for oddity has been there from the start. My mother was declared dead at birth by her doctor, and often heard voices calling to her in the dead of night that no one else could hear. Her mother would periodically ring us up to discuss events in our lives about which she couldn't possibly have known. My father's people still share ghost stories about a family homestead that burned down mysteriously in the 1960s. Even my older brother has outré memories about events he says cannot possibly be true, and as a kid was kicked off the Tulsa city bookmobile for attempting to check out books about UFOs, bigfoot, and ESP. It's fair to say I was doomed - or destined - for weirdness from the start.

If the above listed circumstances had not been enough, I grew up in an area where neighbors whispered stories about a horrifically deformed Bulldog Man who stalked kids who "parked" on the Old North Road near my house. The state in which I was raised was rife with legends of bigfoots, deer women, and devil men. Even in my childhood household there existed a pantheon of mythological entities invented explicitly to keep me in line. If I was a good boy, The Repairman would leave me little gifts of Hot Wheels cars or candy. If I was being terrible, however, my father would dress in a skeleton costume, rise from the basement and threaten to drag me down into everlasting hellfire (evidently there was a secret portal in our basement.) There were monsters, monsters EVERYWHERE I looked in my childhood world. Given that I was told as a fledgling writer to write what I knew, how could anyone have been surprised that the first stories I wrote were filled with the supernatural?

"The Nightmare" by John Henry Fuseli (1781)

My formative years during the late sixties and early seventies took place at a strange juncture in our American cultural history. At the same time that we were loudly proclaiming the supremacy of scientific thought because we'd landed men on the moon, we were also in the midst of a counter cultural explosion of interest in astrology, witchcraft, ghosts, extra sensory perception, and flying saucers. Occult-related books were flying off the shelves as sales surged by more than 100% between 1966 and 1969. Cultural historians would come to refer to this is as the "occult boom," and its aftershocks would impact popular cultural for decades to come.

My first contact with tales of the supernatural were innocuous, largely sanitized for consumption by children. I vividly remember watching Casper the Friendly Ghost and the Disney version of the Legend of Sleepy Hollow. I read to shreds numerous copies of both Where the Wild Things Are and Gus the Ghost. Likely the most important exposure for me was to the original Scooby Doo, Where Are You? cartoon which attempted to inoculate us from our fears of ghosts and aliens by convincing us that ultimately the monster was always just a bad man in a mask. (It's fascinating to me that modern incarnations of Scooby Doo seem to have completely lost this point and instead make all the monsters real.)

ABOVE: Although the original cartoon Scooby Doo, Where Are You? ran only for one season from 1969 to 1970, it remained in heavy reruns and syndication for decades. It is notable for having been a program that perfectly embodied the conflict between reason and superstition in popular culture, and was originally intended to provide children with critical thinking skills so they would reject the idea of monsters, ghosts, and the like. Ironically, modern takes on Scooby Doo have almost entirely subverted this idea and usually present the culprits of their mysteries as real monsters.

During that same time, television also introduced me to my first onscreen crush in the form of the beautiful and charming Samantha Stevens, a witch who struggles to not to use her powers while married to a frequently intolerant mortal advertising executive in Bewitched. The Munsters and The Addams Family gave me my first taste for "goth" living even before it would become all the rage in the dance clubs of the 1980s. Late night movies on TV would bring all the important horror classics of the past in my living room as Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolf Man, the Invisible Man, the Phantom of the Opera, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, and Godzilla all became childhood friends. Over time the darkened castles, creaking doors, foggy graveyards, howling wolves, and ever present witches and vampires became so engrained in my psyche that today they remain the "comfort viewing" to which I retreat when I'm sick or in need of other distractions from modern life.

ABOVE: Elizabeth Montgomery starred in Bewitched (1964 - 1972) as Samantha Stephens, a witch who married "mortal" advertising executive Darren Stephens (played for the first five seasons by actor Dick York). Inspired by movies like I Married a Witch (1942) and Bell, Book and Candle (1958), it was a long running series that explored the complex relationship dynamics between those who possess magic and those who don't. Social commentators have referred to it as an allegory both for mixed marriages and also about the challenges faced by minorities, homosexuals, cultural deviants, or generally creative folks in a non heterogeneous community. It was also one of the first American television programs to portray witches not as worshippers of Satan, but simply as a group of people ostracized for their culture and their supernatural skills.

Even before I began elementary school, there was one piece of must-see gothic horror programming that I went out of my way to catch every day. Dark Shadows aired at 3:30 p.m. on our local ABC affiliate in Tulsa, Oklahoma which usually allowed me to catch most of it if I ran home from school (or even more if my mom or brother picked me up.) In theory it was a soap opera, but the show featured a regular parade of supernatural characters and themes. The lead was a 175 year old vampire named Barnabas Collins (played by Johnathan Frid), and the show revolved around his timeless pursuit of his lost love, Josette. It was also a program that regularly dealt with reincarnation, precognition, werewolves, time travel, witchcraft, and other occult themes. Though it regularly provoked criticism from religious groups about its content, it ran from June of 1966 until it's final cancellation in April of 1971. (I would discover it in the early 1970s as it ran in syndication.) Dark Shadows would spin off two feature-length movies based on the original, a series of tie-in novels, an excellent reboot series in 1991 (starring Ben Cross as Barnabas), and a positively embarrassingly awful movie directed by Tim Burton in 1991.

ABOVE: Johnathan Frid starred as Barnabas Collins, one of the leading characters of the original Dark Shadows television series. The influence of the series cannot be understated. In many ways Dark Shadows paved the way for the inclusion of supernatural elements in other soap operas of the 1970s and the 1980s, and was largely responsible for the explosion of romance novels featuring supernatural themes over the same time period.

While Dark Shadows was a favorite early television program for me, another show would prove not only to be a borderline obsession, but also a major influence on my career as a storyteller. Night Gallery (1969-1973) was a weekly anthology television show from Rod Serling, better known as the creator and host of the original Twilight Zone. Like Twilight Zone before it, Night Gallery was a deep and complex commentary on the human condition, but unlike its predecessor the outcomes for the characters almost always skewed towards the horrific and the truly outré. In "The Painted Mirror," an antiques dealer uses a magic painting to trap an enemy in the prehistoric past. Jack Cassidy plots to use astral projection to kill his romantic rival in "The Last Laurel" but accidentally ends up killing himself. In "Eyes" a young Stephen Spielberg directs Joan Crawford in a story about an entitled rich woman who plots to take the sight of a poor man. Week after week it delivered some of the best-written horror television of the early 1970s.

In retrospect I find it surprising that I was allowed to watch Night Gallery at all. I was very young while it was airing, and some of the content was dark and often quite shocking for its time. Nevertheless, I was so attached to the show that I'd throw a literal temper tantrum if I missed a single, solitary episode. If our family needed to go somewhere on an evening that Night Gallery was scheduled, either my parents would either have to wait until after it had aired before we left, or they'd make arrangements in advance with whomever we were visiting to make sure it was okay that I could watch Night Gallery there. I was, in a word, a fanatic.

ABOVE: Every segment of Night Gallery was introduced by series creator Rod Serling standing before a painting created explicitly for the series. Director Guillermo del Toro credits Serling's series as being the most important and influential show on his own work, even more so than the more famous Twilight Zone.

#horror #70s #occult #supernatural #television #writing

[bamfdaddio]

X-Men Abridged: 1976

The X-Men, those fiery mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. Want to unravel this tapestry? Then read the Abridged X-Men!

(X-Men 97 - 102) - by Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

If I ever participate in Drag Race, this will be my entrance look. (“Hear me, bitches! No longer am I the woman you knew! I am fierce! I am fashion incarnate! Now and forever, the winner of season 27!” *mugs at camera* ) (X-Men 101)

It really amazes me how quickly Claremont shifts things into high gear. One year in and he absolutely does not calm down, giving us both the Shi’ar, more Sentinels and the (motherfucking) Phoenix. SO LET'S GOOOO

You’d think that, as a telepath, Charles would be used to dreaming absolutely twisted shit, surfing everybody else´s freaky dream waves, but apparently, vividly dreaming of space is so exhausting that he needs a vacation.

To be fair, I’d be exhausted too if I dreamt of schizo space bugs on detailed splash pages. Get into it, Mr. Cockrum. (X-Men 97)

Meanwhile, Alex and Lorna have absconded to the sizzling Rio Diablo to work on their doctorates. It’s unclear what they’re studying (archaeology?) and where this Rio Diablo is (Panama, Chili, Ecuador?), but considering that Rio means River, I’m unsure whether drawing a dry dry desert is the appropriate setting. But hey, this was the pre-Google era and you’re not here for topographical nitpicking, so.

Lorna is shot by an unknown assailant and continues the long, long history of Polaris being mentally overtaken by other entities. Together with the equally not-himself Havoc, they travel back to NYC and attack the plane Xavier is boarding. The X-Men battle them, until it is revealed that these former not-quite-X-Men are in league with… Eric the Red?

Scott is all: But I was Eric the Red! Also, Eric the Red does not exist!

Xavier escapes, apparently not giving a fuck that all kinds of X-Men are demolishing the JFK airport, but the still-evil Havok and Polaris also get away. The X-Men are shook!

Some time later, The X-Men celebrate X-Mas at Rockefeller Square, where Claremont skips some steps in favour of narrative expediency. Moira and Sean are apparently in a relationship, Jean and Storm are the best of friends. It’s some pretty rough telling, not showing, but we’ll allow it, but only because the Storm/Jean-friendship is one of my favourite things.

What, you think only the movies indulged in Lee/Kirby-cameos? (X-Men 98)

Anyway, Jean and Scott are attacked by the Sentinels, who continue their trend of being way too sneaky for supersized racist robots! Xavier is kidnapped on his boat trip with super-duper scientist Peter Corbeau (seriously, he has two Nobel Prizes), while they steal away Jean, Sean and Logan in NYC. When they come to, there’s some gloating from Stephen Lang.

Jean Grey being a literal pin-up while delivering nazi-burns is such a big middle finger to everything she was in the sixties and I am here for it. (X-Men 98)

When the three kidnapped X-Men make a break for it and escape the Sentinel’s clutches, they burst through a wall, only to be greeted by the cold vacuum of space! They’re not on Earth at all: they’re on a formerly SHIELD space station! GASP! (literally)

In secret, Peter Corbeau, inventor of sliced bread, helps the X-Men back on Earth board a space shuttle, where Colossus remembers his brother Mikhail (objectively the worst Rasputin), a kosmonaut who died at the launch of another spacecraft. It’s another Future Plotline Seed©.

The X-Men dodge solar storms which sounds like a made-up contrivance but aren’t, while the Sentinels try to destroy the shuttle. In what the kids these days call a pro-gamer move, the X-Men instead ram the space station and go through to these apparently sub-par Sentinels like Magma through butter. Kurt’s showmanship and Colossus’ loyalty are highlighted, while Cyclops becomes more robotic and repressed the more Jean is in danger.

Colossus’ secondary mutation is apparently BEING THE BIGGEST DORK. (X-Men 99)

Scott almost kills Stephen Lang, but then Stephen throws his ace in the hole at them: THE OLD X-MEN? This reveal throws us right in the hallmark one hundredth issue!

And, look. Stephen, this is just a terrible plan. Instead of using most of your budget on making more impressive Sentinels, you blow half of it on making janky X-Men clones to… what? Confuse the real X-Men?

It works for a hot minute, but Kurt and Ororo quickly figure out something is wrong. This Beast, for example, isn’t hairy and this Jean doesn’t remember being in Storm’s confidence. Wolverine is the first to snap: acting on instinct, he kills ‘Jean’, proving she’s an android.

Stephen Lang, foiled by the X-Men’s logical thinking skills (which, to be fair, are notoriously unreliable), spews some hatred and accidentally blows himself up. Nothing of value is lost.

Too bad the X-Men can’t return to Earth: their space shuttle is too damaged. I actually love this: going to space is kind of a big deal for most people and the fact that the X-Men have trouble because they’re stranded in space lends them a kind of vulnerability that has been lost over the recent years. Jean steps up to the plate, herds the other X-Men into the protected life cell and assumes the pilot seat of the shuttle. This is after zapping Cyclops into unconsciousness and telling the other X-Men to kindly fuck off when they try to stop her.

As the X-Men descend onto the Earth, Jean’s telekinesis isn’t enough to protect her as she’s engulfed by solar flares. OR IS SHE?

Nothing funny. All of these panels are just beautiful. Forget those robot copy X-Men, this is why this issue is worthy of being the hundredth one. (X-Men 100)

The space shuttle crashes, rolls over JFK airport before dunking in the water. The X-Men emerge, safe, sound and very lucky and then, defying all odds, Jean emerges as the Phoenix. Fire, life incarnate, etc.

After a brief but melodramatic burst of energy, Jean collapses into unconsciousness and is hospitalized. Wolverine intends to bring her flowers (aw!), before throwing them out when he realizes the gal’s taken, establishing the X-Men’s most famous love triangle. (You can fuck right off with your Scott/Jean/Warren-bullshit.)

I’m not sure what my favorite thing is here: the absolutely bonkers everybody’s-elated-panel (special mention to Kurt’s boots and his bounce) or the subtle character beat where Kurt goes all heart-of-the-team and checks on Scott, who turns out to be not so stoic. (X-Men 101)

Charles orders all the X-Men (except Scott) to go on vacation, so he can take care of Jean. Like, Charles, you’d think they could just go hang out at the X-Mansion. Instead, they go to Ireland because Sean has conveniently inherited the ancestral Cassidy Keep.

All the X-Men dress up fancy for a welcoming feast, and it seems Kurt and Ororo are flirting? But sometimes, it also seems like Ororo and Piotr are flirting? Listen, I’m not judging: I love these polycule vibes from the early X-Men. Especially because neither Kurt nor Ororo have had particularly satisfying romantic plotlines for the past 20 years.

I’m not here to insinuate nothing, but last time I said “I enjoy being with both of you”, it ended up in a spitroast. (X-Men 101)

The soiree is interrupted by… THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH, and Black Tom, Sean Cassidy’s evil cousin. They are hired by an unknown someone to kill the X-Men! Since nobody subtle is involved, they quickly wreck the castle and everybody tumbles into the dungeons. (Local news paper reports: gay power couple harasses ill-dressed American tourists.)

This story is mostly a vehicle to tells Ororo’s backstory: Storm, one of the few who could conceivably put up a fight to Cain Marko, feels caged by the cold rocks of Cassidy Keep and is incapacitated by her claustrophobia.

Back in the USA, Charles, who’s heard Storm’s mental anguish, is furious with Scott because he doesn’t hop in a plane to save the other X-Men, even though Scott correctly points out that he’ll never get there in time if he leaves now. Meanwhile, Jean awakens, convinced she somehow brought herself back to life. Yeah, you go girl.

While the rest of the X-Men fight the evil duo in Ireland, Claremont tells Storm’s backstory in a few gorgeous spreads.

“I could write a novel about Storm’s backstory.” “You get two pages.” “Deal.” (X-Men 102)

Another classic comics trope appears here, where family members are immune to one another’s powers. I have no idea how Black Tom is immune to Banshee’s sonic scream - he has ears.

Does Black Tom just have a voice in his ears going NEENER NEENER NEENER when Sean screams? (X-Men 102)

When Storm finally pulls herself back together, it’s too late: the Juggernaut has pummeled the other X-Men into a paste and she also falls to his onslaught. IS THIS THE END OF THE X-MEN?!

Other things introduced this year:

Kurt’s image inducer, which he abuses to look like Errol Flynn. (I would abuse it to look like an amalgam of Milo Ventimiglia (ca. Gilmore Girls) and Timothée Chardonnay. OR like Emmy Raver-Lampman.)

The fastball special!

All kinds of name confusion: Lorna is Polaris, Havok is sometimes Havoc and Piotr becomes Peter.

Best new character: Phoenix. Hit me with that iconic shit.

What to read: The Stephen Lang arc is not fully necessary, just read issue 100 and 101. Don’t skip issue 102 if you want to know all about Storm’s past.

#x-men abridged #abridged x-men #x-men #professor x #phoenix #cyclops #jean grey #nightcrawler #storm #colossus #wolverine #chris claremont #dave cockrum #polaris #havok #stephen lang #sentinels #juggernaut #black tom #ororo munroe

[thekinkydyke]

quarantine changes (day 6: backstory)

(Disclaimer: this is 100% fantasy. I’m drawing hard boundaries for myself, I’m not being forced to do anything, and I fully intend to back out if it becomes too much for me.)

soooo things have been uhh neat! i’ve had a hand down my skirt a lot of the day and thinking about what’s next. i also broke a rule for the first time, and like, got another rule as a punishment! ik since it’s a punishment it should probably be um on top of everything else, but i’m making it my new speech rule for tonight, so stay tuned for that!

um, the new thing i’m changing is my past. since i know this is gonna make people super concerned, please know that i’m not gaslighting myself or making it harder for me to go back or anything like that. it actually like, is gonna be easier to split the Caydie character from myself if she has more of a story to her, and i think it’ll just help me like feel like a new person. in the future these are gonna be new stories about Caydie, but for day one it’s just gonna be uh backstories for each of the rules.

for the looks section (tbh, this wasn’t actually for the challenge, but i’m counting it), i bleached my hair tonight! so i’m gonna be um blonde for the rest of quarantine. for how i do things, i’m gonna write something degrading on myself in a place i can usually see every morning.

for the rest of quarantine, i’m not gonna be a feminist anymore. Caydie’s like, a proud sexist! i um believe in gender roles and that men are better than women. the talking rule (the punishment i got) is that i have to use “like,” “um,” or “uh” at least once every other sentence. and my new like, jerking off rule is that i’m gonna imitate the positions of the girls in the porn i watch!

to recap:

Clothes/looks

- girly clothes and full makeup (Caydie stopped wearing boy clothes because people kept thinking she was like, a dyke)

- heels only, stockings not socks (Caydie lost a bet and had to wear heels for a week and she just loved it too much to stop)

- no body hair (Caydie keeps herself smooth like her porn whore role models)

- skirts and dresses, no pants (Caydie started wearing skirts when she stopped wearing panties bc she like doesn’t want anything in the way of her pussy)

- no panties (someone told Caydie that um panties make your pussy wrinkly)

- blonde hair (Caydie heard a dumb blonde joke once and has been going blonde ever since)

What I do

- sleep naked (Caydie finds it uh impossible to sleep with clothes on)

- replace media with porn (Caydie enjoys porn more than anything else)

- eat on the floor (Caydie started doing it as a little girl and like never grew out of it)

- replace phone background with degrading picture of self (Caydie’s favorite pic of herself <3)

- write something degrading on self every morning (Caydie always wakes up like super horny and the writing helps her get more normal)

Who I am

- nonbinary cis girl she/her (Caydie thought she wasn’t a girl for a little bit, but a bunch of nice men showed her how wrong she was hehe)

- lesbian straight (Caydie kissed a girl once and um... she didn’t like it)

- normal name Caydie! (an old boyfriend started calling her Caydie and it just stuck)

- feminist sexist (Caydie had a debate with a man where he broke down every single feminist idea she had and convinced her men are just like, better)

Talking

- high pitch, lots of giggles (Caydie’s always loved being cute and kept her voice high and pretty)

- don’t correct typos, use simple words (Caydie knows some big words but she doesn’t want people to think she’s um a nerd or something so she dumbs herself down on purpose)

- use “like” or “um” or “uh” at least once every other sentence (watching all that porn makes it hard for Caydie to uhh stay focused)

Jerking off

- always look at myself in a mirror or camera (Caydie needs to watch herself to make sure she looks sexy and uh porny)

- copy the positions of the girls in the porn i’m watching (one of Caydie’s biggest goals is to fuck like a porn star)

Past

- every change has a backstory (Caydie’s like, a three dimensional character or somethin hehe)

[katoodlez]

i tried to be productive this morning but i dont think my brain will let me until i do this, so sam and bucky show episode 4 letS GO

i would like to preface this post by saying that I literally got spoilers (before i watched the episode) from liTERALLY EVERYTHING from youtube to gOOGLE CHROME when i was trying to read the nEWS so in order to avoid spoiling it for anyone that hasnt seen it, STOP READING because this episode is inSANE and you don’t want it ruined for you.

Okay with that being said, let’s get started.

1. the first scene in wakanda absolutely deSTROYED ME. ayo helping bucky clear the winter soldier programming from his mind and then the silent shift of emotions on his face as the flashbacks happened and then when he realized he was free was just-- KDSFKSD the aCTING WAS SO GOOD thank you mr sebastian stan

2. bucky telling ayo that Zemo was a means to an end, especially in Wakandan, gave me chills bc it’s a direct parallel of Zemo telling Bucky that he was a means to an end. this show is just so carefully crafted omg

3. karli morgenthau got so much more screentime and development in this episode and i am hERE FOR IT. it’s really intriguing to get a deeper look into the Flag Smasher’s motivations and see a more personal side of their cause as well, especially in the memorial scene.

4. can we just take a moment. we need to take a moment. to just appreciate sam. hIS DIALOGUE IN THIS EPISODE. actually, in the whole show, but eSPECially in this episode just absolutely POPPED OFF. after this episode, I’m fully convinced that sam is 100% without a doubt the best character in this show. whoever wrote his lines is a genius. i love the scene where he talks to Karli, and I hope that they can have another chance to talk without *couGH* jOhn waLKER *coUGH* butting his head in because that conversation was just amazing. i loved how they discussed things they had in common, and a mutual understanding and how sam said “i agree with your fight, but not the way you’re fighting it.” this line was so good. and literally every other part of that conversation. the entire plot would have fallen to shambles by now if it wasn’t for sam so let’s give this man a round of applause please.

5. while we’re talking about sam, I might as well mention that i was very happy to see him in the falcon suit/wings again. he didn’t fly in episode 3 and i missed the action scenes with the wings. i think I gotta give Sam the most creativity points for the fight scenes in this show because he can fight both in the air and on the ground with a set of wings and weaponize them either way and that’s really cool

6. the dora milaje. I LOVE THEM. omg. i was so happy to see Ayo at the end of episode 3 and they just aSSERTED DOMINANCE in this episode and i loved it. their fighting style and weapons and clothing/armor design is just so elegant and mesmerizing to watch. “the dora milaje have jurisdiction wherever the dora milaje find themselves to be” omg. they took no crap from john walker and it was sO SATISFYING

7. on that note, watching walker get his butt kicked by the Dora Milaje while sam, bucky, and zemo just stood there was hilarious and probably one of my favorite scenes in this entire show so far.

8. WHEN AYO DISARMED BUCKY’s VIBRANIUM ARM. OMG. bucky was *surprised pikachu face* and so was I. I really, really hope they run into the wakandans again because there’s definitely a broken trust between them and i want that relationship to be more fully fleshed out and brought to closure too

9. there’s no way i’m making this list without talking about zemo singing to the kids and giving them candy at the beginning of the episode. that kinda gave me “creepy guy who kidnaps kids at the park” kinda vibes but it was also hilarious since Zemo was the only one making any progress on getting info in that scene xd

10. zemo getting away had the same energy as Loki yeeting with the tessaract in Endgame lmao

11. BUCKY WITH A KNIFE. when he caught the knife askdjfk i’ve been waiting for a bucky knife fight this enTIRE SHOW and i finally got it and me very happy  : >>>> (i’m determined to learn how he does the flippy trick w the pocketknife in Winter Soldier)

12. when Karli called Sarah Wilson i got chills. first of all sarah is an absolute fearless qUEEN but also the fact that Karli threatened Sam’s nephews akdfjaksdj pls dont hurt them Marvel

13. the parallel discussions between Zemo and Sam, Lemar and Walker about taking the super soldier serum were really neat. they both hark back to the conversation between Steve Rogers and Dr. Erskine in First Avenger, and i think that was the key turning point in revealing/completely clarifying both Sam and Walker’s true colors, which will now directly contradict each other for the rest of the show. 

14. people say that sam is the character who always tries to reason things out until he has absolutely no options left. i think that really shows through in this episode, and it’s also a good reference point/marker of the other characters’ development. Sam’s determination to talk things through with Karli actually brought them closer together (until sOMEONE decided to intervene coUGH) but his equal determination to keep peace/negotiate with Walker only drove them further apart, which makes me feel that even though karli and the flag smashers are the “villains” in this story, they are definitely not the antagonists (that would be walker, who’s directly trying to work against Sam and Bucky, the protagonists)

15. bucky’s “i know crazy when i see it cuz i am crazy” sent me LOL

16. when lemar died i think everyone just went 0 _ 0. i don’t think Karli intended to kill him when she kicked him into that wall, judging by the way they all ran off after they realized he was dead. tbh i’ve been netural towards lemar this entire time, tho i do appreciate his more pacifist attitude to walker’s explosive impulsiveness. he’s sort of like sam to bucky. but his death really felt like an accidental cross-fire casualty that cause walker to reach his breaking point

17. and lastly the scene with the bloody shield. 0 _ 0. the whole world was watching indeed

alright that’s it for this week. i can’t believe there’s only two episodes left 0 _ 0. to be honest, from our current point of view as fans i feel like this show needs another season, maybe 2. the reason being, I can’t really see a space that Sam and Bucky would fit into in the future of the MCU. Sam, maybe, if he resolves the deal with the Captain America mantle at the end of this show, but I feel like Bucky’s end goal is just to like, retire lmao. but also, the future of the MCU is gonna be really focused on like the more magicky characters like Wanda, Loki and Doctor Strange, and ofc Spiderman, Thor/Guardians and Captain Marvel, and then ppl are saying something abt the young avengers or something. But yeah, as near as i can figure this show seems like it should bring closure for Bucky at least, except i have no clue how they’re going to wrap all this stuff up in 2 episodes. in addition to the mess with Zemo and Walker and Sharon’s whole deal in Madripoor, I hope they also get back to America to bring their issues there full circle, like Bucky’s issue with Nakajima, Sam’s family and their home, and Isaiah Bradley. guess we’ll see, can’t wait for next week already ahhhh

#falcon and the winter soldier #bucky barnes #sam wilson #falcon #winter soldier #marvel #mcu #spoilers #falcon and the winter soldier spoilers #this show is too good

[winryofresembool]

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 19

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: Hazel gives Calypso some advice.

A/N:  Keeping things short and sweet this time. Time to bring Hazel back before we finally get to some important 'talks'! As usual, I hope you guys enjoy and please comment because that's the best motivator I can get!!

Characters in this ch: Calypso, Hazel, Frank (mentioned)

Words: 2300+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / next chapter / AO3

…

“Hey,” Hazel gently grabbed Calypso’s sleeve after an art class when they were about to go home. Calypso had been pretty quiet (quieter than usual) during the class and she had been worried that Hazel would notice that. As she turned to look at the speaker, Calypso felt she should have known she wouldn’t get rid of her that easily.

“I’m going to meet my friend Frank in an hour but I don’t have time to go home before that, so I’m going to kill some time somewhere nearby. Would you like to join me?” Hazel asked.

Calypso admitted to herself that she had been dreaming about locking herself into her room and maybe screaming into her pillow just a bit because she had felt very frustrated ever since the ‘Percy incident’ had happened. In the history classes she and Annabeth no longer talked to each other if they could avoid it. One awkward time their professor had ordered them to do their group work together but instead of actually spending time discussing the topic (or other matters) Annabeth had told Calypso to make some notes at home while she’d make her own and send them to her then for her to combine. Calypso had wanted to protest and say the whole situation was ridiculous but she had already learned to know that Annabeth was very strong willed especially when she wanted to be and arguing about it would most likely have caused more harm than good.

Aside from that they hadn’t interacted much, but from Piper, Calypso had heard that she and Percy were having a bit of a rough phase. Calypso herself wasn’t doing much better with her flatmate who had recently been spending more time with his family and friends or working behind the shut doors. Sooner rather than later she knew she would have to deal with both Leo and Annabeth but it was easier said than done. Especially because in her old home the issues had been just brushed under a rug and never talked about again.

Thinking about all that, Calypso had almost forgotten what Hazel had asked in the first place, but when the younger girl cleared her voice to get her attention, she finally responded: “Oh, sure, why not? I don’t have any place where I should be right now…” She tried to convince herself that maybe this would be a good thing, to get something else to think about. “Where do you want to go?” She asked Hazel “There’s a nice coffee shop nearby!” Hazel replied, casting a slightly worried look at Calypso. She could sense the older girl didn’t have her brain fully present. “And they have student friendly prices. Can you believe I once saw a coffee shop where they sold a regular cup of regular coffee for over four dollars?

“Wow, that really is expensive,” Calypso agreed but had nothing else to contribute to that topic.

“Yeah…” Hazel simply nodded and the girls continued walking for a while in a silence.

“Um, listen…” Hazel eventually spoke. “I can’t help but notice that something’s on your mind… If you don’t want to come with me, that’s OK. I understand.”

Calypso felt embarrassed, not wanting her new friend to think that she didn’t care about her company.

“Oh, no, I’m sorry! I do want to join you. You’re right, though, things have been a bit weird in my life lately but I promise I’ll try to push that into the back of my mind for a bit. I think this will be good for me.”

“Alright,” Hazel accepted. “Just so you know, I’ve seen a lot of weird things in my life… so if you do want to talk about it at any point, feel free.”

“Okay, I will.” Calypso promised.

The coffee shop they went into was small but cozy, lots of students either hanging out with their friends or perhaps doing some homework after classes. Hazel and Calypso did still manage to find free seats from a more quiet corner and once they had made their orders (fruit tea for Calypso, latte for Hazel), they discussed the art classes for a bit. Hazel hoped to get more experience with portraits soon while Calypso admitted that she was more interested in painting landscapes. The younger girl also revealed that she was planning to draw something for Frank’s birthday, which made Calypso wonder again what the relationship between those two really was like.

“You and Frank seem really close based on what you’ve told me,” she commented. “I probably sound too curious, but are you two really just friends?”

Hazel chuckled a bit. “Don’t worry, you’re not the first person to ask me that. And the answer is: sadly, yeah. I mean… I’ve told him I’d be ready for a relationship but… Frank seems to be worried about how it might affect our friendship. We’ve been friends for a long while, after all. And recently his grandma hasn’t been feeling well so that’s taken a lot of his time and attention. Frank doesn’t have other close relatives so he’s the one who’s been taking care of her.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Calypso said sympathetically. As weird as it may have sounded, somehow hearing other people’s stories made her feel less alone in her situation. “I hope things will get better for both him and his grandma.”

“I have a feeling they will,” Hazel said mysteriously, not explaining why she felt that way. “And Frank is strong; he just isn’t aware of his strength yet.”

For some reason that comment made Calypso think of Leo, and ironically Hazel’s next question was: “Since I was honest with you, what about you then? Any special someone in your life?” Calypso felt her heated cheeks betray her yet again.

“Um, no, not really…” she replied, pretending to focus on her drink.

“Hey, I can detect a lie pretty easily,” Hazel noted calmly. “You wouldn’t have blushed if there wasn’t someone…”

“Well… it is true that I am not seeing anyone.” Calypso tried to dodge Hazel's comment.

“But…”

“But… the situation is a bit complicated.”

Hazel watched her curiously while tasting her drink. “Oh, how so?”

Suddenly Calypso noticed she was telling her new friend a lot more than she had intended. Something about the girl’s aura just made her feel she could trust her.

“I… There’s this guy called Leo. He’s my flatmate. He can be a bit irritating and immature at times… For example, one time he tried to make me eat a very hot chili pepper even though he knew how hot it was… To be fair, though, I only ate the tip.” Hazel chuckled at that comment. “And he tells a lot of bad jokes and doesn’t seem to have a filter. I think he may be covering some of his insecurities with his jokes. That’s just my guess, though. But either way…”

“You like him,” Hazel finished for her.

“Uh… Like? I don’t know… No? Maybe…” When Hazel raised her eyebrow, Calypso was forced to say: “Okay, there is a small chance that I do like him. Sometimes his jokes are kind of funny. And his stupid grin has grown on me and his fluffy hair makes me want to ruffle it. It’s frustrating! He’s good with his hands - I mean, he can build machines from scratch - and he’s also really smart, like, he can solve problems I couldn’t even imagine trying in a very short time. He loves his dog and his family a lot. He can make pretty great tacos. And he’s trying very hard to get over a fear of his… but…”

“But it’s complicated because he’s your flatmate?” Hazel guessed this time.

“It’s a bit more complicated than that,” Calypso said. “I mean, of course that is something to be considered. If we ever got together and then broke up, it would be really awkward to live in the same flat. But I’m not even sure how he feels about me. There are moments when we have a lot of fun together. But sometimes I feel like we can’t be 100 per cent honest with each other, and recently… he found out that I used to, well, I think ‘date’ is not a correct word to use because we only met once in real life, but I did use to talk a lot with a friend of his online, with a relationship in my mind. It happened over two years ago and we never were serious, but… it seemed to bother Leo and I’m not sure what I should tell him.” In reality, those weren’t the only reasons why Calypso thought the situation was complicated but she had to draw the line somewhere.

“Did you already tell him what you just told me?” Hazel asked while stirring her hot drink.

“I did try to explain it when Percy came to our place to pick his girlfriend… Who is, or was my friend and she’s not talking to me either… but I don’t know. He’s been acting very distant ever since that happened; just talking to me when necessary and even then it isn’t more than a couple of sentences. It’s getting pretty frustrating…”

“I can imagine that,” Hazel nodded. “I’m not a relationship expert by any means but there must be some reason why he reacted like that, right?”

“I guess so.” Calypso shrugged. “But… I don’t know. It could be anything. Maybe he’s worried about his friends.”

“I may be wrong but to me it kind of sounds like he wasn’t happy to hear about you and his friend because he might like you back. If he didn’t care at all, he wouldn’t be giving you silent treatment,” Hazel noted.

“You really think so?” Calypso, a tiny hope rising in her even though she knew she shouldn’t wish too much.

“Hey, why wouldn’t he?” Hazel nudged Calypso’s elbow. “Haven’t you noticed that some of the guys in our art class keep whispering about you? One of them actually asked me if I knew if you are dating anyone. They are all over you. Don’t worry, though, I told him that even if I knew it wasn’t my business to tell.” She smiled at her encouragingly.

“Oh… thanks for taking my side there. I had no idea… But why didn’t they ask me directly?” Calypso asked, a bit flustered.

“I have a couple of guesses,” Hazel replied. “Either they consider you a bit intimidating… because you are pretty and smart and what not… or they think that someone like you possibly couldn’t be single and wanted to make sure before asking you.”

“That… feels weird,” Calypso said quietly. “I am not used to being a center of attention. Or in general being noticed by people who don’t have something to do with my family.”

“But how?” Hazel asked. “You’re exactly the kind of person who the others will notice.”

“It’s a long story… one I don’t like sharing… but the short version is that when I was a teenager I didn’t get to leave my house unless it was something really urgent or necessary. I was basically a…” Calypso couldn’t finish the sentence, the reality of that situation hitting her still very hard whenever she thought about it.

“A hostage,” Hazel said, looking shocked. Calypso nodded as a response. “That’s… that’s awful.”

“It… yeah,” Calypso said sadly. “We had a big house so I did have room to do a lot of things there but… my communication with people other than those who worked or visited there was cut to minimum. But… my father had reasons for doing so… I can only blame myself.”

“What do you mean?” Hazel asked with confusion.

“I did something…” Calypso hesitated. “I’m so sorry, I’m getting tired of saying this but… I can’t tell you. I haven’t told anyone…”

“I see.” Hazel nodded. “I’ve had some difficult experiences as well so I know where the limits go… Don’t worry, I won’t ask more. But if you do ever want to talk, you can trust me.”

“Thank you,” Calypso said, giving Hazel a small smile.

“No problem. Hey,” Hazel decided to change the topic, “you gotta introduce me to this Leo of yours at some point. He sounds like an interesting guy.”

Even though Calypso knew Hazel was just teasing her in a friendly matter, she couldn’t help but say: “He’s not ‘my Leo’! He’s just a flatmate. And sometimes he can be quite a pain in my butt.”

“But you already confessed that you may or may not like him,” Hazel said, sipping her coffee calmly, smiling into her cup.

“Whatever,” Calypso mumbled, without realizing it sounding a whole lot like the young man she was thinking of. “Well, what about this Frank? When will I get to meet him?”

“He will be here soon so if you want to, you can tag along with us for a bit.” Hazel looked at her watch.

“Do you think that’s OK with him? I don’t want to be the third wheel or anything.” Calypso asked.

“No worries, I’m sure Frank will be happy to meet you too.”

“Oh… OK. If you guys don’t mind, then I might come with you. I am not feeling like going home quite yet.” Calypso sighed, thinking about the sulking boy back in her flat.

“Alright! And hey, Frank is a nice guy, I think you guys will get along.”

“OK, I believe you,” Calypso nodded.

The girls continued talking about other things after that until Frank called Hazel that he had gotten out of the work and was waiting for her nearby. He said he was cool with Calypso tagging along and soon she learned that Hazel’s description of a teddy bear in a real bear’s body was quite accurate. He and Calypso had a shared love for animals so they talked a good while about Frank’s internship and other things related to the topic. Hanging out with Hazel and Frank, Calypso thought that it felt good for her to notice that there were people who did seem to like her company despite her background; maybe there was hope that Leo and Annabeth would come around eventually too.

#caleo #leo valdez #calypso #heroes of olympus #percy jackson and the olympians #trials of apollo #my fics #caleo uni au

[devourer--of--books]

if you’re not the bride (deluxe version)

So you may be wondering why is it you're seeing this. Hello, it is I again. If you're here, maybe you're familiar with the original "if you're not the bride', which I posted about three years ago. In case you're not, then, hello, welcome, when I was 15 I wrote a story under this same title. Then forgot all about it. But every so often someone would come across this story and I was reminded of its existence. Then, back in september 2019, I decided to read it again, correct some grammar and call it a day, you know, just so I could rest assured I hadn't written something horrible. Turns out, it got a bit out of hand and I decided to rewrite the whole thing. However, due to the fact that college is the worst, I never finished it and, well, forgot about it, again. Now, as quarantine came around, I found my rewrite from 6 months ago and since I got the time why not, right? This is now more than double the size of the original and has a lot more of backstory than intended. You can still find the original with some corrections here on AO3 and , and the cursed unedited version somewhere on tumblr for the sake of nostalgia. Warnings: There's cursing, some drinking and good old make outs. July 2020 edit: here I am, re-edting this thing again. This all said, welcome folks, to the deluxe version:

"You're going to what?!" Agatha raised her voice, tightly holding her phone to her ear. Surely, she must have heard Sophie wrong. Her friend did have a reputation for being over the top, but this was beyond absurd.

When people said that being friends with Sophie was…an exotic experience, they weren't completely wrong, per say. Being friends with Sophie could be a lot like being friends with a hungry animal. She was ruthless, dangerous and not trustworthy about 60% of the time. Sophie would do most anything to get whatever she wanted and absolutely would step over you in the process (sometimes for no reason other than because it amused her to do so). It wasn't personal, mostly. It was simply her nature.

For her, there were two kinds of people: her friends and her enemies. It was very easy to go from one category to another and anything in between simply couldn't be processed by her brain.

Sophie was a difficult person.

Agatha could tell you in more detail, she would know. Being Sophie's best friend wasn't exactly a dream come true. It had its perks of course, and when all was said and done, Sophie was an okay-ish person and a mostly good friend, but you gotta give it up to Agatha; it was no task for the weak-hearted.

They had been friends since kindergarten and were as different from one another as it gets. Had they met later in life, Agatha is certain they would've never become friends at all. Sophie was a loud, gorgeous (and kinda mean) blonde bombshell and Agatha was a grumpy, average-looking mostly nice girl (she wouldn't call herself kind, really, her niceness was more of a subproduct of her aloofness than anything else). The two of them disagreed in most anything and had not that much in common. Yet, it somehow worked. They argued a lot, as in, a lot, but it was always fixed within a weeks' time, in a coffee shop, over a good old vanilla latte and some black tea.

An odd pair, to say the least.

Which was fine by them. Sophie… was a work in progress. She was trying.

Nevertheless, every once in a while, something like this would happen. Because Sophie was still Sophie and her head worked in mysterious ways.

"I'm getting married, Aggie," Agatha could practically hear the blonde rolling her eyes on the other side of the device, "people do that all the time. It's, like, a thing."

"Sophie, you're not even done with college yet! Getting married with what money? As far as I know, your modeling barely pays your rent and don't even get me started on your student loan and credit card debt! And getting married to whom? Last time I checked, you weren't even going out with anyone!" She tried to cool her head, catching her breath while trying to recall any possible groom Sophie could have taken. "Unless… Are you marring Hort?"

A disgusted groan was heard.

"Ew, no. Not Hort, for God's sake. What do you think I am? Desperate?"

A bit, but Agatha didn't dare say it out loud.

Hort was a guy who lived at the apartment just below Sophie's, in a tiny complex downtown. They've known each other for quite a long time now. It was practically common knowledge that Hort acquired the biggest crush on her the moment he first laid eyes on her. It was all the old ladies from 1A and 2C ever talked about.

Over the years, he became quite easy on the eyes, even Sophie had to admit it. No longer the scrawny awkward kid that helped Agatha drag Sophie's couch upstairs (while Sophie flirted with the trucker, trying to get free shipping for her mattress, which, by the way, she got), but a fully formed man, completely jacked, and with a growing bank account to match, due to his fitness-program-thingy taking off. Agatha didn't really know the details of that, but she knew it was going well, mostly because Sophie told her so.

Anyway, he claimed to not want anything to do with her friend nowdays.

Yeah, right.

Agatha felt bad for him, she really did.

Loving Sophie was like loving a hurricane. Violent, brutal and downright painful.

She had initially assumed it would go away with time, that he would eventually see that they weren't compatible and let it go.

However, it was a bit more complicated than that, as most things in life tend to be.

She knew he and Sophie had hooked up, in fact, she knew that they did so often. Sophie hadn't told her, but she didn't need to. Agatha knew. The aftermath was never good, and for the sake of keeping things short and lighthearted, Agatha shall spare you the angst and just say that, as mentioned above, Sophie was fantastic at getting whatever she wanted and disregarding other people's feelings.

Honestly, Hort could say he wasn't into Sophie all he liked. At the end of the day, he was still living at that shitty apartment (even though he could probably have moved somewhere better a long time ago), hadn't seriously dated anyone since meeting her and was responsible for at least half of Sophie's modeling gigs, which were her friend's main source of income. Agatha had warned him, several times, mind you, but all you can do is all you can do. The heart wants what it wants, she presumes.

"If not Hort, who then?"

"Oh, you don't know him yet," She could practically see Sophie twirling a golden lock on her fingers, a mischievous smirk on her face.

"Clearly," Agatha rolled her eyes and put her phone on speaker to be able to look around for her keys more comfortably. Reaper, her cat, had a bad habit of hiding them in the weirdest places. "Why didn't you tell me you were seeing someone last time we went out for coffee?"

"Because I wasn't seeing anyone at the time," the blonde-haired woman sounded a bit annoyed, seemingly not understanding why Agatha was having such a hard time believing her ludicrous story.

"Sophie."

"Yes, Aggie?"

"That was literally three weeks ago."

"It's true love, Agatha. I can feel it. This is my real-life fairytale. I found the perfect guy for me. He's so different from anyone I've ever met…" Agatha tuned her out, finally realizing what was going on.

For Sophie, everyone she dates is her one true love. She was intense like that. There were lots of "perfect guys" on the list, too many, and eventually Agatha grew tired of counting them. Neither did she remember their names. Why bother, when Sophie would grow tired of them soon enough?

Her friend's drug of choice just so happened to be was serial dating with lots of love-bombing on the side.

Parents got divorced? Look at this cute basketball player that will probably cheat on me.

Bad day at a shoot? Oh, that barista is so sexy, bet he'll hook up with me anyway.

I have no idea where my career is going and hate my major? Why not call Hort up, right?

But getting actually married? That's new.

Agatha sighed, picking up her keys from the pot of her balcony plant. Time to be the be the grown-up. Again.

"Sophie, are you 100% sure you want to get married to this guy? Can't you wait a few months at least? How about you guys move in with each other first?" If Sophie doesn't tire of him, that would terrify the poor thing into ending this madness. Again, Agatha would know. She had to stay at Sophie's for a few weeks once, back when she had split with a partner whom she had been living with; it was hell on earth.

"Weren't you hearing, Aggie? We. Are. Soulmates. He is very serious about me. He's so in love with me, he would never hurt me, and I need to tie him down before he runs away. Isn't this what people always say?" Her friend's voice was getting snappy. Oh, no, not good.

"Sophie, I just think you should be more careful and reasonable…" Agatha tried to pacify, tiredly.

Did she not own any clean jeans? Damn. Why does she keep forgetting to do her laundry? The blue skirt she wore to work would have to do.

"It's always reason, with you, Agatha! You never listen to your heart! I thought you would be happy for me! You're always telling me just how much potential I have! He brings out the best in me! What do you even know about relationships anyway, you always end up ru-"

"SOPHIE!" She interrupted, before her friend could say something she'd regret and crush whatever good mood was left in Agatha's body. "I'm just surprised, that's all. Tell me about this guy…?"

Fuck it, she decided. Agatha was in currently in a hurry and this could be solved later. She wasn't going to be able to win Sophie over the phone. Maybe she could sit her down on sunday, have one long talk about red flags in relationships, again. Convince her to stay engaged for a bit longer, just enough for her to get bored and then call it all off as soon as the new whats-his-face walks through the door.

Now was not the moment to be arguing, especially if she wanted to be on time.

"…And he's so great and wonderful, he's tall, has these hypnotizing eyes, they're so intense, it's like they suck you in, Aggie! His hair is just wow, it's a very uncommon shade of blonde, the undertone is beautiful, so expensive-looking... but it's natural, he swears. And his skin is so soft, you wouldn't believe, his name is…"

Agatha tried to listen. She really did. However, all she could hear was "bla, bla, bla, perfect, bla, bla, bla, handsome". Lord, not this again. Did it get worse every time...?

The brunette stuffed her wallet in a handbag, grappling to close it (it had been a present from Sophie, and as such, probably hardwired to annoy her and look good at the same time), and gave herself a look over in the mirror, before frowning. Oh, time for her limited make-up skills to be of use.

Damn, she looked rough. She left in hurry that morning, so her bare face stared back at her in its full sleepless-racoon glory.

It has been a long week of nothing but late nights trying to get her workload done. She couldn't believe she was saying this, but she missed college. At least back then she didn't have to worry about rent. Oh, to be young, broke, dead-inside and living on a dorm. The wonders, truly.

Concealer, blush, eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick. There. Done.

Kinda?

"… So, are you up to it?"

What.

"… Hm, sure?" She responded, still trying to evaluate if her liner was acceptably symmetrical. It wasn't. It never was, but it wasn't always this bad. Really, not her best work. Maybe she could fix it, somehow?

"That's amazing, you'll look so pretty, the dress I picked is perfect for your undertone, you'll be the best maid-of-honor ever!"

Oh, god, no. No way. What has she done?

Should she do that red-flag-talk now?

"How… nice of you to say that," Agatha replied, barely contained horror coming across in her tone. Not that Sophie paid her any attention.

"I set the date for the engagement brunch-party for tomorrow around 10am. At the terrace. And speaking of dates, I must introduce you to someone, he's great, Aggie, and I think you guys could…"

No. No. No. Agatha is drawing the line here.

"Oh really, cool, hey I have to go, callyoulaterbye-"

Agatha throws her phone on the bed, groaning loudly. Reaper stirs in her pillow, but is otherwise unbothered by the conversation, unlike his owner.

Of all things… getting married. Agatha was now her bridesmaid. Engagement brunch…?

Sophie, why. Why?

Agatha was now an accomplice of this crime against good judgement, wasn't she? Should she call Sophie again…?

Ugh, you know what? She'll sort this out this later. Sophie could wait a few hours, Agatha earned this night out.

…This totally is going to come back to bite her, isn't it?

Well, too late, Agatha's leaving. Because, unlike Sophie, who clearly had too much free time in her hands, Agatha had things to do and couldn't just waste her precious friday nights on this kind of bullshit.

.

.

.

"You're late," is the first thing Hester says to Agatha, not even lifting her gaze from her phone as she approaches their table.

It was the usual one, right by the wall, perfectly placed so it was far enough from the dance floor but close enough to the bar, so it was still socially acceptable to be seated but not too "loser-zoned", in Hester's own words.

Hester herself looked the same as always. Dressed head-to-toe in black and showing off an impressive number of tattoos per square inch of skin, she made quite the intimidating sight. The only tip to her actual day job was the discarded white blazer and sleek suitcase lying on a chair beside her. Back in school, Agatha used to find it hard to picture Hester being anything but a witchy-biker or a badass-tattoo-artist, but she supposed scary-lawyer suited her friend just fine.

"Nice to see you too, Hester. I've been well, thanks for asking," Agatha sits down, annoyed. She knows she's late. She missed the "early-comers, free entrance" time, and damn if the isn't pissed that she's now 15 bucks broker then she already was. "Anadil, Dot, it's great to see you guys too"

Both women acknowledge her presence quietly: Anadil nods,before getting up from her spot and leaving to god-wishes-he-knew-where and Dot hugs her briefly, headed to the bar.

Hester rolls her eyes and repeats herself.

"You're late."

"Shut up, I'm here, aren't I?!" Agatha snaps, before she bit her lip and propped her elbows onto the table, head in her hands.

The gesture makes Hester lift her eyes from the phone, finally.

"Well, someone's had a bad day."

"Look, I'm sorry. It's been one looong horrid day. Have you ordered any drinks? Or are we going for beer tonight?" Agatha asks, going over the familiar menu, even though she has every beverage price there already memorized.

"Okay, slow down," Hester yanks the menu out of her hands. "Have you eaten? I'm not going to take care of you if you didn't."

Yes, she would, but that's not relevant.

"Yes, mom," Agatha rolled her eyes. "I'm tired, tomorrow is gonna suck, let's drink."

"Tomorrow? Tomorrow's saturday, loser, sleep to your hearts content," Hester reminds her, but at seeing Agatha stare back at her in misery it occurred to her what, or rather, who, this was about.

"Blondie has been texting me non-stop about brunch. At 10. What's up with that?" She lifts a brow, her judging eyes scanning Agatha's expression. Agatha in turn, lets her elbows drop and bangs her head onto the table, harder than originally planned, a whimper leaving her lips.

Hester sighs. She loves Agatha to the death, but when it comes to Sophie, she has always been way too forgiving. Agatha was not Sophie's mother, she shouldn't have to look out for her and bend over backyards to help her. Personally, Hester and Sophie didn't get along very well.

Which lead to: Sophie never invited Hester anywhere, unless she wanted to rub something in Hester's face.

"...Apparently, she's getting married in, like, two weeks?" Hester's brows lift in surprise. "...To some guy I don't know?" Higher. "...And I'm a bridesmaid?" Almost disappearing into her hairline by now.

Awkward pause.

"Okay," Hester breathes in and out, "what the actual hell?"

"My words exactly."

"She'll be over it in a week," the tattooed woman deadpans.

"No doubt," the other replies.

Three more seconds go by, and it's far too long for Agatha, whose leg starts to twitch under the table.

"You're doing it again," she states.

"Doing what?" Hester asks, crossing her arms, lying back at her chair.

"That thing."

"What thing?"

"You know," Agatha vaguely gestures at Hester's face, "that thing your eyebrows do when you're being judgy."

"I am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"I so need a drink right now," she tells her before leaving the table.

.

.

.

At the bar counter, Agatha sits down on a stool and waits for the bartender, Chaddick, to show up, ignoring Hester's glare on her back.

Now for some unnecessary backstory, in case you're interested: Agatha and Chaddick had a bit of history (read, beef) long before this club, The Woods, opened and even before Agatha and Hester started to have their monthly night-out there.

Chaddick was a jock whom Agatha went to school with, all the way from sixth grade to senior year of high school. To be brief, he was the worst ™. He made fun of her, tormented her days, spread rumors about her (including one that she was witch, which lasted for years) and even stole her stuff once. In senior year, he had even developed this habit of showing up with his friends at the tea place her mother owned, where she had worked a few shifts from time to time, ordering not a single drop of fucking tea, being loud and annoying for hours and only leaving when closing hour neared.

Agatha was sure that if you googled 'jackass', his picture would turn up. He'd been so full of himself, all because he had some cash, was athletic and was "cute", you know, in that white-upper-middle-class-way that most school-aged popular boys tended to be. But then, flash-forward: Chaddick now worked wednesday to saturday as a bartender at Agatha's favorite club. Apparently, his parents went bankrupt or something during college. Agatha felt kinda bad for him, but not really? She supposed he wasn't as terrible of a human being nowadays, but she was not about to go ahead and call him her friend, no matter how many times she had to make small talk with him for the sake of bar etiquette.

"So what's it gonna be today?" The bartender asked, not quite politely, but she lets it slide, for she could tell he was as thrilled about this conversation as her.

Chaddick, too, looks the same, to no one's surprise. He looked more tired, but still douchey enough that Agatha didn't feel too horrible of a person for not feeling as sorry for him as she probably should.

"Surprise me. I've had a very bad day."

"Is Sophie actually up to something then?" He asks while grabbing some bottles, "I hear there's going to be a brunch-party tomorrow…?"

"Who told you? Reena?" Chaddick dismisses the name casually with his hand. "Gisele?" 'no', he denies with his head. "Beatrix then?" he nods, uncharacteristically shy, and Agatha nearly felt pleased, before she remembered what they were talking about before. "Bingo. But yes, there's a brunch-party tomorrow. An engagement brunch-party."

He hands her a cup, wide-eyed, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Engagement? Do I even wanna know w-"

"You don't. Trust me on this," Agatha cuts him off, taking a sip of the beverage. She doesn't recognize its taste, which makes her wary. She knows her alchool. "What did you even put here?"

"It's a secret, tonight's special," he winked mockingly, before hurrying on to the next client.

Agatha briefly wonders if she should drink the rest of it, eyeing the cup curiously. It didn't smell bad and she kind of liked the taste. Should she trust Chaddick? Probably not. Then again, Agatha needed a drink tonight.

It would be fine. She is no lightweight, Hester is here, tomorrow's saturday. Right?

Another thing that would probably bite her later. So, she braces herself and downs the cup in a few large sips, heading back to her table.

Bring it on.

.

.

.

Two other cups of who-knows-what and an hour later, Agatha was back at the bar, now sitting in different stool, as far from Chaddick as she possibly could be, when a body drops on the sit next to her.

It's Dot, giggling loudly like a high school girl on heavy drugs.

The giggling persists for quite some time.

... It's kinda creeping Agatha out.

"Penny for your thoughts…?" She tries, taking a sip of her drink.

No response.

Giggle.

More silence.

"Hm, Dot?"

She continues to stare at her joyfully, still smiling like a madwoman.

Agatha found Dot adorable and friendly, which was a surprise since she was one of Hester's best friends. The two of them weren't really that close themselves, but she did enjoy her company. Being friends with Dot was as easy as it was harmless.

"Don't look, but there's a really hot guy right by the pool table who hasn't been able to take his eyes off you for the last fifteen minutes."

Agatha's eyebrows shot up in Hester-like fashion and she fights the instinct to turn around and check if Dot isn't messing with her.

She knows she is not the most attractive female in the room. Agatha tends to think of herself as more of an acquired taste, truly. Yet, every blue moon someone would come over to try their luck with her. Sometimes they're cute, sometimes they're funny and sometimes they're just desperate. So far, "hot guys" haven't really been her target demographic.

"So what? What's the big deal?" She tries to keep her nerves out of her voice, mostly succeeding, but Dot's smile only grew more and more mischievous, as if seeing right through her.

"Turn around. I dare you not to remember him. Pretty sure Sophie told you about how she met him again a few weeks ago, at that event she went to? The one sponsored by Camelot International?"

…Okay, so Agatha might be a bit of a bad friend. She didn't listen to 90% of Sophie's rants about guys or modeling events, so most likely she had told her about him as Agatha did something else. Something important, really.

…Like playing games on her tablet.

She worked a lot, okay? Can't have people hogging all her free time. Even if it was Sophie. Her best friend.

Shit.

Agatha's face must have betrayed her because Dot laughed even louder than before.

"You seriously don't?" she managed to ask between giggles, as Agatha blushed, frowning.

"I should?"

"Most likely yes. Sometimes you're way too funny, you know?" Her smile was dangerous. Stop smiling at Agatha like that, woman.

It was at times like this she could see why Hester and Dot were such good friends.

"Thanks, I think?" Agatha eyes her companion carefully "How hot is this guy any…"

"Hot enough for you to talk to me, I hope," a male voice announced behind her, seemingly amused.

Not her day. Definitely not her day.

"He's right behind me?!"

Dot giggled loudly a final time before walking away to Hester's table. Very helpful. Forget what Agatha said about liking Dot. She didn't. Dot was a horrible person.

Agatha turned on her heels, facing the stranger with a sheepish smile. She was not ready for what was about to bite her.

Oh damn, please do.

…Figuratively, fuck. She meant in a figurative way.

Before we go on, Agatha would like to clarify that she blames any less than pure thoughts on Chaddick, because who knows what he put into her drink.

(Yeah, it's totally Chaddick's fault)

Amen, praise Jesus, okay?

Embarrassingly, her first instinct is to say that yes, he was totally hot enough to talk to her. Or come home with her. Or marry her (too soon for this joke, scratch that). That's not what she did, however. Oh, no, she stood there, in silence, and stared for quite a while before her brain rebooted and she finally gained control of her own body again.

Agatha is the first in line to advocate on why you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but she had eyes.

He was tall. As tall, if not taller than her, and Agatha was a tall woman. His jeans looked expensive and his light blue social shirt was tight on his chest, almost as if it were a size too small, the top buttons open, defined muscles visible to even the most casual observer. The shirt was paired with a grey-ish tie that hanged loosely around his neck, a bit too effortless-looking to be unintentional. His features were sharp, sculpted even, a certain California-sunny-surfer meets Adonis-next-door quality to them. Soft blond locks had an unnatural shine under the club's lights, as if they were made of gold.

And his eyes, my god, they were so blue Agatha felt like sinking and drowning in his arms right then and there. Unfortunately, she couldn't. Because you see, she is a grown woman and had a little thing called dignity.

Not that she didn't want to though.

Focus.

He did look kind of familiar. Had they met before? Agatha doesn't think so. This man looked like he just walked out of a Calvin Klein ad, and she sure as hell didn't know many people who look like that. One of Sophie's model friends? If so, she certainly hadn't introduced the two.

Yet, the way he was looking at her right now indicated the reality that she should probably know who he is. Maybe he was from her old gym, back when she let Sophie talk her into going for a few months? No, there were no hot guys there, just old ladies and teenagers.

Okay, so, plan B, say something smart.

"Hm…"

Say something.

"…So…"

Anything!

He doesn't look very impressed by her articulate conversation skills, but Agatha can't place where she had seen him before. Maybe they had been neighbors at some point? She moved quite a few times in these last years and keeping track of all of them was impossible. But that didn't seem quite right. A friend of one of her exes then? Did they meet at pride or something?

Seriously, who was this guy! Acting all smooth, as if she should know who he is! He's good looking enough to be memorable sure, but clearly not memorable enough.

Hell, did she sleep with him? He must have been the worst one night stand ever for Agatha to somehow forget him. Maybe he was so bad that she forgot about him completely...?

"I give up, I can't remember you."

He looked a bit offended. Maybe he was indeed a Calvin Klein model.

"The name's Tedros…?"

Tedros, Tedros… Tedros?

"Nope, doesn't ring a bell," she concludes, "but, I'm, hm, Agatha?"

"I know," he responds, curt and firm, nearly glaring at her.

"Neat."

"Nice."

"Good."

"Great."

"Awesome."

"Amazing."

"Extraordinary."

"Now, that's a big word," he mocks. Agatha suspects he just didn't know any bigger ones to keep up. Part of her wishes to strangle him with his own tie and part of her wants to call him out on his shit. He approached her, okay? She is under no obligation to recognize him.

Her eyes narrow and she sips on her fourth cup again.

"Do you need for me to tell you what it means?"

"Oh, no, I'm fine."

The passive-aggressive-ness of this conversation is starting to exhaust her and kill any buzz she had, but she can't just let Mr. everyone-knows-who-I-am-and-I-look-like-walking-sex win. He needed to go down (on her). What.

"Hm, Tedros, you're going to order something or what?"

Chaddick cuts the stare contest between brown and blue and Agatha makes a note to leave him a nicer tip tonight.

"What's the special of the day?" Tedros' tone is amused, as if he and Chaddick are old friends. Ugh, of course he would. He sounded douchey enough. Maybe he went to school with her? That sounded about right, she could picture it. Pretty-boy-Tedros, walking down the hall wearing a football jacket with a cheerleader or two on his arm.

"Nice little things I've put together," Chaddick wiggled his eyebrows. "Want some?"

"Is it safe?" Tedros asks him, cautiously.

"Well, Agatha here is still fine at four, I would say so."

Soon enough Tedros is downing his second cup, sitting on the stool next to hers.

.

.

.

Agatha wasn't sure how or why, but things went from point A to point B very, very quickly.

Point A being sitting beside Tedros at the bar and point B being heavily making out with him in a corner.

Agatha wishes she was joking. She wasn't. It just…somehow…happened?

Fuck.

It all started when Tedros eventually caught up to her and from there on they held a little amicable drinking competition.

("I bet you can't do more shots than me." "Oh, you're so on!" "You drink like a fourteen-year old, dude." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah.")

Then, they paid for their drinks. Well, Tedros did.

("Did you just... pay for me?" "It's called having manners." "Excuse you?")

After that, Chaddick kicked them out to the dance floor, something about the two of them 'grossing him out'. Agatha is not much of a dancer, so she tried to go back her table but Tedros said something (she can't quite remember what it was) that made her realize that she kind of didn't want to. Leave, she means.

They danced for a bit before she stepped on Tedros's foot, or maybe he stepped on hers first?

("Ouch." "Get out of my way!" "Make me.")

From there on it was incomprehensible screaming over loud music for a while and they somehow ended up being way too up in each other's personal space. Agatha eventually just lost it, and grabbed him by his collar, bringing him down to place a forceful peck on his lips, before backing away, partly horrified, partly proud.

It took two mortifyingly long seconds of silence and pure embarrassment for Tedros to grab her by the waist and kiss her roughly.

They stumbled to a more secluded corner, until Agatha's back hit a wall, but she was distracted from the pain of the impact by Tedros licking her bottom lip, seeking her tongue, a small sound escaping her once he found it. What the hell is she even doing, this should not be happening. And yet, she cannot bring herself to care.

This is a wild, passionate kiss and not at all Agatha's expertise. She always considered herself more of a slow-vanilla-soft kind of girl. But out the window with that, Tedros was nowhere near close enough, no matter that they were already flush against each other. Maybe this is why Sophie thinks every guy she meets is her soulmate. As cheesy as it sounds, she feels somehow connected to this stranger, almost as if they were meant to be or something.

Ha, as if.

Any thoughts, of soulmates or otherwise, are forgotten when Tedros' hands start to wander, one goes from her waist to her hip and the other moves to explore her tight, squeezing it deliciously. Agatha retaliates by pulling on his hair, not as lightly as she probably should've, but is rewarded with a husky groan and a bite on her bottom lip.

(She does it again because that might be her new favorite sound.)

What. Is. Going. On.

Her last braincells are on fire. She was on fire.

Okay, young lady, de-attach yourself from the handsome male slo…

Oh God.

She's pretty much breathless when he decides to break the kiss, her lips chasing after his for the slightest second as he pulls away. Her heartbeat has never been this loud and she has no time to overthink, as, suddenly, his lips are on her neck. Agatha lets out a quiet, but embarrassingly needy, whine (as quietly as she could, but it didn't really matter, he heard her anyway) when he nips on her ear and then trails down to suck at her pulse point. Her hands snake their way from his hair to under his shirt's collar and Tedros shivers once she drags her short nails lightly on his upper back and shoulders, but she can still feel his very attractive smug smirk against her skin.

She felt drunk. She doesn't feel like that often.

Not the completely-trashed-I-just-had-countless-drinks kind of drunk and certainly not this don't-care-keep-going-my-blood-is-on-fire kind of drunk either. Like she wanted to keep touching Tedros for the rest of her life (the idea doesn't sound half bad), as fireworks danced around them and… God, if Sophie knows this guy how she could not marry him on the spot, because fuck…

He's leaving quite a few love bites along her collarbone, teasing, attempting (and succeeding) at drawing tiny sounds from her and Agatha can't take it anymore. She drags him back up to her mouth and somehow pulls him even closer. She did not like feeling weak, but to her surprise, Tedros seemed to possess the superpower of turning her completely boneless in the best kind of way.

Wait.

Agatha is making out with Tedros.

Tedros is making out with her.

Agatha's eyes open in late realization and the two of them stare at each other for a few seconds.

So, this happened, huh?

"I… hm… have to go. Out of here. Home. Alone. Yeah, that," Agatha makes way around paralyzed Tedros, whom looks very confused and disoriented. His lips are tainted with coral lipstick, he's panting for air, his bright eyes dark with desire, clothes looking disrelished, pants looking a bit too tight, and he just looks throughfully kissed.

No, Agatha does not feel even a little tiny bit of pride by seeing him look like that because of her, what are you talking about, not sexy, not sexy at all.

… Maybe he could come along?

No. No, no, no.

She doesn't run away from him exactly, but she sure as hell wasn't walking. As she passes Hester and Anadil, the two of them raise eyebrows judgingly, but Agatha does her best to school her expression into neutrality.

If she waited a bit longer, she might have heard Tedros saying:

"Until tomorrow then."

.

.

.

Agatha regrets every single life choice that led her to this point.

She's sitting on a ridiculously shaped chair at Sophie's apartment building's terrace, brooding silently in the corner, with a big headache, while eating some diet cake that tasted like foam, listening to violin versions of bad pop songs, probably dying of heatstroke, and if that doesn't kill her soon enough, can someone please end her misery…

Hester and Anadil are not here after all. Agatha doesn't blame them. It might be for the best, because Agatha doesn't need to deal with Hester's judgy eyebrows right now. Dot is down in Sophie's apartment, at the kitchen, most likely trying to steal some wine and she is pretty much the only person here Agatha can stand.

She partly wonders if Hort will show up but decides she does not care. She's running on aspirin, her head feels like it was smashed against a wall multiple times, and it's too hot here, okay?

It's a hot sunny day and the limited shade would not be enough to cool Agatha down even if she wasn't wearing a scarf. Agatha hates this scarf. It was another one of Sophie's gifts, and Agatha hates it because it's an evil scarf that pinches her every five seconds. However it's the lightest scarf she owns, and she can't it take off.

Otherwise, someone might notice the dark mark on her neck, which her shirt could not hide, as was the case for the other ones, lower, in her collarbones.

Tedros freaking marked her. The nerve.

She's not nearly as pissed as she should be, because honestly she's kinda into it.

Taking off the scarf would lead to too much teasing and questions, she had no turtlenecks available (damn you, past-Agatha, for not doing your laundry) and if only she had the skills to cover it up with makeup. Not only was the scarf evil by itself, it made it impossible for her to not think of yesterday, therefore, making her even more irritable.

She is not the kind of person who kisses people at the club. She sure as hell wouldn't bring a guy she's just met, at the club of all places, home. What if he'd been a psycho? She doesn't know him. He'd know where she lived. She wouldn't go to his place either, that sounded even more irresponsible. But she wishes she had at least gotten his number, you know, instead of freaking out and running away. Well, he knew Chaddick, so maybe she could ask him?

No, that would be humiliating, and Agatha is trying to hang on to whatever dignity she had left.

Also, it had been almost an hour at this damned terrace party and she hasn't seen a single trace of Sophie's fiancé, but the blonde assured her he would be there soon. He's the late-type, hm.

Okay, so Agatha hates him already.

She has been to this terrace quite a few times, it was the one pro of Sophie's building, aside from cheap rent. But she was running out of both will and things to point out in small talk with all these models and small influencers. If she hears "Sophie has such a lovely terrace" one more time…

Suddenly, there was clank, signaling that someone pushed the terrace door open. As Sophie lit up and moved to greet the newcomer, Agatha felt the cake climb up her throat.

Holy hell, is that Tedros?

What is her life, really.

Agatha gets up from her chair quietly, observing the scene from behind a plant, trying not to be too obvious, just, ya know, casually chilling in the middle of the scorching sun. Sophie hugs him tightly, placing a kiss on his cheek, grinning as she laces their fingers together and starts walking in Agatha's general direction, pulling the handsome man behind her.

Hm, no.

Agatha resists the urge to pace in circles as she tries to gather her thoughts. It might be the hangover or the diet cake but seeing the two of them together made her wanna barf. Not because they didn't look good together. They did. In fact, maybe too good. Sophie's long soft hair was a shade or two lighter than Tedros', but other than that, they might as well have been made in the same Instagram-model-facility. Like a set, Barbie and Ken.

What is this feeling?

Oh no, she can see them approaching. Abort mission, leave, get out, hit the road…

"Aggie, darling!"

Agatha forces herself to fake a confident smile, as if she could always be found casually hanging out behind plants on saturday mornings. It turned out to be more of sheepish grin, especially when compared to her friend, whose pretty smile is almost too big for her too pretty face.

Sophie looked particularly gorgeous in her pastel green summer dress and peep-toe heels. Her tanned skin glows under the sun, the light catching in her green eyes on that special way that made photographers all around the industry want to work with her despite her inexperience, the grace within her movements creating an allure Agatha doesn't think she'd be able to recreate even if she were to be born again.

This is not good. Leave, abort mission, repeat, abort miss…

"Aggie, this is Tedros, you know, the one I was telling you about yesterday," she winked. "Teddy, this is my bestie, Agatha, you remember her, right?" Sophie nudges him lightly using her elbow.

Tedros looks even better now that she can see him in natural daylight. Which should be illegal, truly. He's wearing a plain white t-shirt and jeans, his hair made of pure gold looked just messy enough to not look too try-hard, yet something about him looked weirdly… staged? Agatha couldn't quite put her finger on it.

"I surely do," Tedros lets go of Sophie's hand, shoulders tensing, and Agatha thinks he might be blushing. Is he nervous? "We-"

"Nice to meet you," Agatha interrupts him, grasping his hand on a firm handshake and letting go just as fast, as if touching his skin would burn her. "Sophie told me a lot about you."

Play along, please. I beg you.

"Oh, hm, it's very nice to meet you too?" Tedros responds, confused, but not calling her out. "Nice scarf," he adds, his lips curling upwards, so very slightly she might have missed if she wasn't micro-analyzing his every movement. Smug bastard. She is all too aware of his gaze lingering on her neck, a hint of pride showing in his bright eyes, the teasing in his voice making her want to pull him down by the collar, whether to choke him or to kiss him she couldn't tell.

"Oh, isn't it cute? See, Aggie, I told you that color looked great on you!" Sophie cuts in, reaching to touch said scarf. Agatha steps back self-consciously, making an effort to not scratch the back of her neck as not to call more attention to it.

"Quite the bold fashion statement for the summer, may I add," Tedros continues as he casually leaned one elbow on Sophie's shoulder. Subtle enough that Sophie wouldn't read too much into it, but Agatha could see right through his shit. "But I like it. You look very pretty, Agatha"

How dare he, truly. No sham-

Wait.

"So, I need to get going, work emergency you see, but I'll make it up to you, Sophie," Agatha excuses herself, quickly. She tells herself it's just the heat that it's bothering her, but her brain is going 300 miles per hours and she needs to leave. Now.

"Aggie, tomorrow we'll be having lunch at the country club, don't be late!"

"Yeah, be there, alright."

Agatha sprints down the complex's stairs as discreetly as she can, which is not much. By the time she's at her car, the weight of her realization hits her full force.

.

.

.

"I'm getting married, Aggie"

"Not Hort"

"You don't know him yet"

.

.

.

"Aggie, this is Tedros, you know, the one I was telling you about yesterday."

.

.

.

"That was literally three weeks ago."

"I dare you not to remember him. Pretty sure Sophie told you about how she met him again a few weeks ago at that event she went to? The one sponsored by Camelot International?"

.

.

.

"…Oh he's so great and wonderful, he's tall, has these hypnotizing eyes, they're so intense, its like they suck you in, Aggie! His hair is just wow, it's a very uncommon shade of blonde, the undertone is beautiful, so expensive-looking, but it's natural, he swears, and his skin is so soft you wouldn't believe, his name is…"

"bla, bla, bla, perfect, bla, bla, bla, handsome"

.

.

.

"He's so different from anyone I've ever met…"

"She feels somehow connected to this stranger, almost as if they were meant to be or something."

.

.

.

"Acting all smooth, as if she should know who he is!"

"He looked a bit offended."

"The name's Tedros?"

.

.

.

"God, if Sophie knows this guy how could she not marry him on the spot…"

"Sophie hugs him tightly, placing a kiss on his cheek, grinning as she laces their fingers together and starts walking, pulling the handsome man behind her."

.

.

.

Agatha is a very bad friend, isn't she?

She bangs her head on the wheel.

Then, she regrets doing so, opening the car's door, so she could vomit some diet cake and last night's alcohol on the parking lot's floor before driving away.

.

.

.

By a miracle, Agatha survives the drive home and makes it back home in one piece.

As she walks into her own apartment, she does not feel half as guilty as she thought she would be. But she was very, very angry. Furious, actually.

At herself for being both a dumbass and a bad friend, at Tedros for being a player, at Chaddick for being a dick in general, at Sophie for being Sophie, at Dot for not warning her and even at Hester for not being at the party today so Agatha could at least not freak out by herself.

She can't do anything for the rest of the day, because trying to work, read or sleep is useless, since she can't focus with all the internal screeching her mind is doing. Her existence now doesn't make any sense and Agatha is about to tear her hair out, lying down in her bed, staring at the celling.

(There's a long crack on there and for whatever reason, it reminded her of a river. Probably because it didn't look like anything else.)

She contemplates calling Hester and telling her everything but ultimately decides against it. She can't bring herself to explain this out loud, least of all hear any possible lecture Hester might give her. Is this how Sophie feels when she decides hide things from her-

Oh my God, Sophie.

Tedros was engaged. To Sophie. He was Sophie's fiancé.

Agatha is not freaking out at all.

.

.

.

At last, ten long hours of sulking later, Agatha is feeling a lot guiltier, still very much pissed and just confused as a whole.

She made out with Sophie's fiancé. Should she tell her? Yes. Would she? To be decided.

Maybe they wouldn't even get married. Come on, a few weeks? There's no way Sophie will keep up this insanity. Telling her about the club incident would only hurt their life-long friendship over a guy who wasn't even gonna last two months. Years of companionship out the window. She had no intention of doing it again so, did it really matter? What the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't feel, right?

She hadn't even known he was Sophie's fiancé!

But then again, Sophie had told her all about him. She didn't listen because she was a bad friend! Was she really gonna play the "I didn't know" card...?

It was the truth!

But no one would believe her. Fuck, if Agatha were Sophie, she wouldn't believe herself. Agatha was a smart grown woman, godamn it. What kind of dumb bitch even-

This wedding wasn't happening. No need to worry, right?

For now, Agatha has two long weeks of supposedly weeding-related bonding moments with Sophie to survive, without accidentally letting slip that, oh, talked, drank, danced and made out with Tedros.

Well, shit.

.

.

.

Even if one ignored the fact that the guilt was starting to eat Agatha alive from inside out, the next day would still have been a long, tortured journey of nothing but cringe and regrets. Yet she bore it, because she, even if accidentally, brought this on herself.

Agatha got up early on a sunday (name a bigger crime) to try and get something done, since she would probably have little time to work in the following weeks. Then, she went to have lunch with Sophie at a fancy country club (that Sophie couldn't afford by the way, which earned her a lecture on credit cards and personal finances) hoping to have that "red-flag" talk.

It did not go well.

Sophie had invited him along. Of course, she would. Apparently, since she was getting married soon, Agatha should be used to have him around. And, of course, Sophie would have decided to tell her he was coming the moment he walked in, headed to their table.

This is Sophie's fiancé. Do. Not. Stare.

What kind of cosmic karma is this? He isn't even her type.

WHY-

"Afternoon, ladies."

Sophie greeted the blonde with a smile and a hug, as Agatha merely nodded his way, scanning the room for the closest exit.

"Hi Teddy!"

"Tedros."

Lunch is awkward as hell and at this point Agatha is just waiting for a waiter to come and stab her. It ends up being both not so terrible and the worst lunch ever because she does talk quite a lot with Tedros, against her better judgment.

She learns that Tedros did go to her school, for three years. Sophie asks him if he remembers Agatha, and from Tedros' silence, Agatha assumes he doesn't want to admit to having been part of Chaddick's... shenanigans.

Her friend then talks astrology, and Agatha learns that he is a leo (because of course he would), is kinda proud of it but says he doesn't believe in astrology, prompting Sophie to start a discussion on why he wouldn't believe in astrology if he believed in tarot. The way he blushes and stammers is cute and makes Agatha feel horrible for thinking so, but she asks him about tarot anyway. She's just being polite, okay?

He mentions he'd turned 26 a while ago and recently moved back to the city, as he moved away to go to college in Avalon. She tells him she almost went there, but her scholarship did not include a dormroom and she knew no one there to share an apartment with. His answer is a blunt "I know", which both confuses and pisses her off.

Tedros offers her no further info on it, but they engage in conversation again after he mentions he is working at Camelot International.

("As one of the main executives on the board," Sophie adds, "it's one of the most powerful companies in the country.")

They quickly bond over their massive workloads (Agatha may not be a main executive of a huge corporate empire, but damn if being head finance director for SGE Enterprises didn't keep her busy enough), until Sophie slips that he must be very lucky to be the sole heir to the Pendragon Group.

Oh.

Tedros Pendragon. Are you kidding? Agatha remembers seeing his family's name being all over the news back in school and she feels dumb for not remembering that Tedros and 'that Pendragon boy' were the same person. Hadn't his parents had a huge cheating-divorce-scandal that caused the stock for the company to plummet a few years ago?

Tedros frowns at Sophie before saying that, "Yes, indeed, he's very lucky."

The blonde doesn't seem to notice the way his hands grip the fork tightly as he pronounces the last word, but Agatha does.

It adds on to the list of things that keep her awake later, after she does her damn laundry and stress-cleans her entire apartment. She curses as she turns and tosses on her bed, because it's 2 AM, work starts in a few hours and she needs to sleep.

.

.

.

The next four days are not much different, the routine is pretty much the same, except they have dinner plans instead of lunch. Work, eat, work, do bridesmaid shit with Sophie and Tedros somewhere, avoid his gaze, talk for a bit over something like choosing the best flower arrangements, and then hightail out of there, only to come home and be restless.

She was still very confused, because honestly, Tedros didn't seem bad at all. The more she talked to him, the least she wanted to stop talking to him. He definitely had some family issues and was doing some overcompensating, but nothing that made him, like, a total trash human.

And yet, he was still the guy who hit on her (fucking made out with her), knowing exactly who she was, while being engaged to her best friend.

She always thought herself a good judge of character.

Anyway, she did her best to act aloofly polite and if he ever seemed to hint at the night at The Woods, Agatha cut him off before he could. It was a good plan. Wait it out. And it really was working just fine.

Until the dress store.

For some reason she cannot wrap her head around, Tedros is there too.

(Isn't there a tradition against seeing the dress of your bride before the wedding or something?)

At some point, Sophie struggles to get into a particularly complicated dress at the dressing room, yelling at the poor employees like a harpy on a rampage and Agatha is about to intervene when he manages to pull her aside, his grip firm but with a certain gentleness that made her skin burn.

He semi-drags her across the store through a sea of sparkly white dresses and into this small nook between sections. Agatha does not want to admit that the main reason why he is able to do that is because she allows him to.

Things only go downhill from there.

He has her cornered, her back nearly merging with the wall as he stands close to her, his posture tense, moving slowly, like one would in presence of a startled animal. He doesn't look like he is trying to purposely intimidate her, and she doesn't feel particularly unsafe. No words are spoken between them and the silence allows Agatha's senses to pick up on a deliciously rich smell. Is that Tedros' cologne-

Agatha forces down the rash that is creeping up her neck and tries to focus on doing what she does best, aka, running away from her problems. She looks anywhere but his face, but he is not making ignoring him an easy job.

"I don't get you."

What.

"Excuse me?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about."

Agatha scoffs, arms crossing in front of her chest.

"I truly don't."

Her response seems to annoy him, which she counts as a win, but Agatha might have declared victory just a bit too soon. Tedros, who was a couple of feet away has managed to get way too close (yet again). His hand raises her chin and forces her to look into his eyes. Her resolution to run away falters and she's scared he might hear her heartbeat speed up.

"Playing dumb doesn't suit you, Agatha. One second you don't like me, then you do like me, then you don't again… I don't understand the game you're playing here… So, I'll make this simple, you won, congratulations, now stop playing games, now you know I'm interested."

Agatha blinks. This is… not the conversation she thought she was going to have.

Of course, during her nightly overthinking sessions she thought about what she'd say if he confronted her about the previous friday, even if she didn't think he'd have the balls to actually do it. But she seems to have been reduced to this dumpster fire nonsense. Tedros never did what she thought he was going to do and it was short-circuiting her braincells.

She's way too aware of the hold he has on her, the compromising situation they're in. One of his hands cages Agatha in, placed on the wall behind her head, while the other keeps her from adverting her gaze from his. Tedros is too close, he smells too good and his mouth looks too inviting.

She hears him, but she doesn't really hear him, his presence fogging up her senses.

Agatha briefly entertains the idea of giving into temptation and kissing him. How nice it would be to grab his collar, invert their positions, slam him against the wall and kiss him senseless, so he could feel just how helpless she felt having him corner her like this. Kiss him and just leave him there, wanting, begging, and…

What. Wow, fuck. Stop.

A new thought hits her like a ton bricks.

This guy is an asshole.

Tedros looks irritated and Agatha wants to punch him.

So she does.

She's strong enough to give him a black eye, but she (unintentionally, Agatha swears) holds backs and aims for his chest. However, she can tell it hurt a lot by the way his eyes water and he backs away several steps. She hears Sophie yelling their names across the store and giving Tedros one last glare, she turns around and walks away.

The nerve.

Why would anyone marry him?

Sophie needed a wakeup call. And fast. Because while Sophie could be a nightmare, she did not deserve to be played like that.

.

.

.

Agatha was not a superstitious person.

If she forgot her umbrella at home and it started raining when she left the dress shop (Tedros and Sophie both offered her a ride but she would rather choke, honestly, and said no, forgetting that she rode here with Sophie in the first place), it's not fate, it's bad luck. If she gets sick and loses her voice (and therefore can't go do neither her work or her bridesmaid duty), it's not conspiracy, it's simply a coincidence.

Well, call it fate, call it bad luck, call it conspiracy, call it coincidence. The case is that Agatha has lost her voice and has both a running nose and a fever. She considers texting the whole story to Sophie but changes her mind when she imagines the blonde woman's reaction.

Agatha, you're such a slut.

She is going to tell Sophie about this… this… this individual. Yeah, she was going to come clean and expose Tedros. No wedding.

Why was Tedros marrying Sophie anyway? She could understand why Sophie would go for Tedros. He did seem like her type. Young, rich, successful and handsome.

(Not really what she herself looked for. Agatha tended to go for witty, responsible people and who did not mind her blunt nature. Never in the history of ever, had Sophie and Agatha been interested on the same person.)

Anyway, he would give her lots of exposure, would look great on her Instagram feed, would be able to save her from her terrible apartment, student loan and infinite credit card debt, and would open up the world of fancy designer shoes and pretty gowns Sophie always dreamed of.

But why would he do that?

Tedros was, again, young, rich, successful and handsome. He hardly expressed any special affection towards Sophie or had the usual lovesick look most of Sophie's victims sported when they found themselves bewitched by her. They didn't really agree on much, from what Agatha gathered on their conversations, had no shared interests, lived completely different lifestyles, had different moral values and overall didn't seem to have the grandiose connection Sophie spoke of at all. Maybe he was with her because she was pretty? But again, why. There werw thousands of pretty girls willing to date young rich men, why Sophie in particular?

Something about this seemed off. She needs to talk to Sophie.

…When she recovered.

.

.

.

Alright, maybe it was conspiracy. The wedding was in two days.

Two days.

She supposes time does go by quickly when you're procrastinating something you really, really don't want to do. Nearly two weeks gone by in a flash. And, as she should, Agatha finally gets herself together. She is going to tell Sophie.

Well, she was going to tell Sophie. The blonde and a few of her friends were at The Woods for a last girl's night out. Meaning:

Sophie was currently drunk.

But maybe she wasn't?

She probably was though. Sophie was the most lightweight person Agatha knew, likely because she was so skinny. Girl could not hold her alcohol and drunk-Sophie was messy-Sophie. Unwilling, untamable and unimaginably difficult to have a coherent conversation with.

But, maybe she wasn't drunk? Agatha was not going to risk it.

She forces herself to hurry. She doesn't change out of her work outfit (merely discarding the suit's jacket), stopping by her house to feed Reaper and leave some important documents. Agatha even nearly forgets to lock her front door, calling a car to the club, hoping it might not be too late to come clean. But she was late anyway, as proven not only by the 15 bucks that left her wallet (for the second time this month) but by-

"Aggieeeee! You're better! Have you taaaasted this? It's amaziiiing!"

Agatha glares at Chaddick, who has the decency to look away. He knew the amount of alcohol Sophie was capable of processing, namely: none.

"Yeah, I have…"

"You should have seen, Sophie; the other night Agatha was so wasted she ma…"

"Chaddick, don't you have somewhere to be? As in, not here?"

The ex-jock walks away with a smirk, knowing he had some nice blackmailing material on her. Could this get any more horrible?

Now what? Should she just take Sophie home? Sober her up, tell her everything then beg for forgiveness? She couldn't. Then what to do, what to do…

"Sophie, I have to tell you something, it's really important, you see…"

"Oh Aggie, I'm sure you can tell me laaaaaatteerrrr! I've been so stressed lately! Time to let it goooo! Come on, I'll even pay your first drinkkkk!"

Her friend lifted a glass of what looked and smelled like a vodka and gin disaster waiting to happen.

"Sophie, what is even that?"

"Not sure…but Chaddick told me it was good."

Agatha sighs. She should tell the truth, right here, right now, shouldn't she?

"… Alright."

And she would have if she were a better person. But to her shame, she downs five more after the first and suddenly she can't remember why she came here on the first place. Something about a guy?

(Lies, Agatha knows exactly what she is doing, but for a few more hours she gives herself the benefit of the doubt.)

Whatever, she'll just deal with it later. She hasn't said anything for the past few days, surely it can wait some more, right?

.

.

.

Said and done, five hours later Agatha concludes she is a horrible human being. She should just quit. Leave the job of human being for people who will not mess up. Like Hester. Hester never messes up shit. Yeah, great plan.

Sophie is knocked out cold, sleeping with her face in a table, drooling, besides said Hester, who has her usual judgy face on, glaring at the blonde woman, like she was some kind of disgusting creature.

Agatha doesn't think she could feel worse.

She should have just told Sophie the truth right away. The moment she found out Tedros was, well, Tedros. Instead she had gone along with a wedding that was sure to be a fiasco, because not only was the groom a liar and a player, but Agatha was therefore his accomplice, and her silence was probably the greatest betrayal of their entire friendship.

She picks up her phone to call a car, so she could at the very least wallow in misery at home, but before the app even loads someone snatches her phone.

Turns out she can indeed feel worse.

"We need to talk."

His voice sounds as it always does whenever she's around, half-annoyed and half-something else Agatha doesn't dare name. As usual, he looks nice. His tight shirt and tie are still in perfect place, unlike the last time she saw him here, signaling he too probably came straight from work.

"This is girl's night; you're not allowed here."

"Oh, I'm not?" Tedros mocks her, but she can tell his heart isn't truly in it. "Then please do tell me the circumstances in which I can talk to you, because you sure don't make it easy."

She is so tired. Trying to avoid him is hard enough, trying to avoid him knowing that she doesn't really want to is impossible. She has always read people so well, and he always seems so genuine. It makes her wanna believe he is not the bad person she knows he is.

"…I've been… avoiding you. It's not that I don't want to talk to you. Is just… that I shouldn't," she hesitates but ends up answering honestly.

Tedros' expression softens at her candor, peering at her with concern.

"Are you drunk?"

"No. Maybe."

He sighs, then digs his car keys from his pocket, still holding her phone hostage on his other hand.

"Look, I'll give you a ride home. I really just wanna talk. We have…unfinished business."

Agatha considers. All this wedding-baloney made her poor, Tedros is so pretty, he looks so wholesome and honest, and she just wants to sulk at home for the next few hours. Maybe he could stay for a day or two. That shirt of his would look great on her floor…

No, bad idea.

"I don't wanna get into a stranger's car," she blurts out the first excuse her mind can manage. In retrospect, that was some obvious bullshit, seeing as they had talked for hours last week and he had already given her a ride before. Granted, it had been Sophie's car and Sophie had been there, but still, that didn't make much sense.

"Oh truly?" he holds up her phone, the ride app now open, "You're gonna pull that one on me?"

It's Agatha's turn to sigh.

"Okay don't go using logic on me, mister. For all I know, you could be planning on kidnapping me and selling my organs on the black market," or worse, actually talking to her.

"Can never be too careful, can we?" he looks partly amused and partly annoyed. "Look, I'm serious here, okay? I'm not going to do anything to you, we can talk to Hester on our way out, I'm sure she'll hunt me and string me up upside down at her soundproofed basement in case I even dream of harming you. Alright?" Tedros's eyes never leave her face in the twenty seconds she takes to decide, and it's really distracting, but she manages to answer:

"Okay, fine."

They talk to Hester, rather, Tedros talks to Hester while Agatha avoids her gaze shamefully. Why does Tedros know Hester? Did they ever talk during school?

Agatha doesn't know and she doesn't ask. Her gaze lingers on Sophie's drooling face and she feels her chest tighten.

The two of them walk into the parking lot awkwardly, in mortifying silence, and enter a silver Porsche. Agatha notes that it looks very out of place, since most cars belonged to employees and looked rather humble next to the silver beauty. Why was Tedros here? He came in his car, so he was not here to drink. Did Sophie tell him to pick her up? Or was he here to see Agatha?

Her heart skips at beat at the thought and she doesn't ask him any of this either.

"Nice ride," she offers instead.

"Thanks."

Tedros drives in silence, with Agatha occasionally telling him to turn on certain streets. She keeps her gaze on the empty roads, but she does catch quite a stunning sight of his profile when she forgets she's not supposed to look at him at all.

To avoid getting too in her head, she decides to turn on the radio. The song that starts playing is familiar and she guesses the radio must be on CD mode. The letters in bold red on the visor tell her she is correct, and this is indeed the song she thinks it is.

"You're into this kind of stuff?"

Tedros grips the wheel, almost defensively.

"They're really good, okay? I've been listening to them for a few years and so far, they're my favorite band. I know their sound isn't for everyone and-"

"I know."

"…It's not what most mainstream artists are doi- you what?"

Agatha blushes when she feels his incredulous gaze on her face, and it occurs her that this is the first time he looks directly at her since they got into his car. She hopes he'll attribute the redness on her cheeks to the red light they're currently stuck at and hesitates before answering, in a quiet voice, meeting his stare:

"They're my favorite band too."

"Oh."

The rest of the drive is less awkward, one would even say comfortable if not for the leftover tension. They sing along quietly to the vocalist and Agatha is sure Tedros stopped himself from doing the guitar once. Not cute, not cute, not cute.

Eventually, they get to her apartment building. She reaches over and turns off the radio, the deafening silence almost too much to bear.

Agatha tries reaching for the car door, but it's locked.

"I did tell you we needed to talk."

Usually, she'd be scared if a guy trapped her in his car in the middle of the night, but Agatha's frustration just comes back at full force and topples over anything else.

"What's to talk, you're clearly into someone else."

Tedros' eyes go big, and Agatha can't help but think he must be the world's greatest actor. Oscar nomination performance. The academy is shook-

"What? Did you, like, not hear anything I sa-"

"I'm not that kind of girl, Tedros," Agatha interrupts him firmly, "I don't hook up with anyone who's in a relationship, especially in a relationship with my best friend, no matter how stupidly short said relationship may be."

"I… Did Sophie tell you-"

"She didn't need to? You guys are engaged, and I am not going to get caught in between, okay? Please, please leave me alone. Don't talk to me. Don't look at me. Don't give me rides when I'm drunk."

Suddenly, Tedros' confused expression is gone and his eyes are gleaming with what looks like joy. He looks like he might kiss her and Agatha is not sure how well her defenses will hold in case he does.

"Agatha, I think you got this all wrong, I'm not-"

"What, you have amnesia? Or, let me guess, it's your twin brother who's engaged to her?"

Tedros burst out laughing and he sounds like an angel, throwing his head back, and Agatha forgets for a second that she's mad at him. But eventually reality brings her back and she pushes him, with just enough force to get his attention.

"Leave me the fuck alone, dude."

…Asshole.

This time when she reaches for the door, it's unlocked.

She glares at him from the sidewalk one more time, before entering the building.

.

.

.

Agatha doesn't hear a word from him after that.

It's for the best, she tells herself. Agatha spent so much time wishing he would just go away and take these weird feelings he gives her with him that she didn't even consider that once he did go away for real, new, stronger, and even more angsty feelings would appear. She only knew him for two weeks. He wasn't even hers. She has no grieving rights.

She goes out with Sophie one more time, and now it's just the two of them. It would be the perfect time to tell her. She has no excuses. No drinking, no sickness, no Tedros-

Agatha doesn't.

.

.

.

Today is the day.

It's a clear summer night, which is unfair with how angsty and conflicted Agatha feels. Hollywood lied to us all, hasn't it?

Agatha is dressed in a silky blue dress Sophie chose for her. It suits her and she thinks she looks quite pretty. Someone who actually knew what they were doing did her make-up, and for once she managed to tame her hair into submission, putting it into a fancy-looking up-do youtube taught her how to do. She's wearing her best shoes and her fanciest earrings. Agatha is looking and smelling like a daydream outside the main room of the church, but her hands are shaking and she's terrified.

She's not ready. Far from it really.

The rules were simple. If you're not the bride you don't wear white, you don't overdrink, and you never, ever, under any circumstances, fall in love with the groom.

No matter if they were hot, if they smelled good, if their eyes made you feel weak at the knees, if they shared common interests with you, if their taste was impossible to forget, if they went out of their way to get your attention or if they felt like they just might be the one.

You just didn't okay?

Shit, this was messed up. Still, Agatha brought herself to breathe deeply, trying to contain her anxiety.

The ceremonialist tells her it's her cue and she's soon walking down the aisle, clutching a small bouquet of pink carnations like a lifeline, looking around the church.

The place is crowded. Their entire social circle and their grandmother seem to be here. People from their childhood neighborhood, people from school, both of Sophie's parents, her stepmother and step siblings, quite a few models and influencers and a bunch of people she had never seen, probably Tedros' friends, family and co-workers.

The flowers and decorations look as amazing and beautiful as she would have expected from Sophie and she might have seen Hester, Anadil and Dot on a row somewhere, but that's not what made her almost freeze, nearly stumbling on the red carpet.

The groom.

He's wearing an expensive-looking white tuxedo, his hair is an unnatural platinum blonde and his eyes are disturbingly intense. He's tall, sharp and everything about him screams fancy. He's attractive in the way some snakes are attractive, beautiful and deadly, but the big deal is:

Agatha has never seen that man in her entire life.

She goes to her spot standing by the side, her brain running a marathon, tons of data just being tossed aimlessly on her mind as she tries to wrap her head around what the actual fuck is going on when her eyes meet someone else's.

Seating on the third row on the left, Tedros' blue eyes are shinning in complete and absolute amusement, his hand is over his mouth in a barely controlled laugh. The music seems to be on his side, because no one hears him. Agatha schools her expression into anything other than the overbearing wrath she feels, but she's not sure if she's doing a good job.

She's somewhat aware of the chaos that seems to be unfolding around her; the ceremonialist's screeching, the groom's rage, the crowd's confused mumbling and Sophie's absence. But it does not matter.

Agatha really wants to choke Tedros with his tie.

.

.

.

Turns out, Sophie's groom was named Rafal. Not that Agatha would remember his name a few days from now.

He is the current CEO of Two Brothers, a huge company, often associated with the mafia for fucks sake. Known playboy and womanizer, with a criminal record for drug dealing, as well as physical and sexual assault. Also, partially involved on the illegal leaks of information that caused the media scandal around Tedros' parents' divorce all those years ago, she later learns.

Great guy, Sophie. 10/10. Husband material right there.

At least she didn't follow through, Agatha argues to try and calm herself down. Oh yeah, Sophie ran away from her own wedding. No one was surprised honestly. Maybe Rafal. He looked very, very angry. Agatha didn't really blame him, after knowing that he was the one paying for the wedding, after party and honeymoon, no matter how horrible of a person he seems to be.

By now, Sophie should be in Paris, enjoying her honeymoon tickets and reservations. Through text, she tells Agatha how lonely and sad she is and how she'll tell her everything that happened in complete details on their next café meeting in a about month and a half. Agatha suspects she is not as lonely as she claims to be because Hort's Instagram stories tell her he is currently in Europe as well, if not in Paris. But then again, she will not concern herself over this matter. "No wedding" was good news enough to keep her in a great mood for any of Sophie's shenanigans for the next following weeks.

And since the reception was already paid for, everyone just decided to come enjoy it.

Yes, when she says everyone, she means everyone.

"Hey, you."

Oh, Lord, no.

Agatha doesn't lift her head to look at him, continuing to type a half-assed reply to Sophie's whiny texts. She won't give him the satisfaction. Instead she downs whatever is left of her whisky, because that's what one does when courage lacks.

She's sitting at the main table of the ballroom, by herself, mostly because it's where she's been assigned to sit, but also because she's not up for the questions the other guests will probably feel entitled to ask if she were to sit with them. Hester is nowhere in sight, but Agatha is sure she's making herself scarce on purpose. She saw Chaddick back at the church but they politely ignored each other and Dot had been missing for quite a while.

"Not speaking to me?"

"No."

"Come on, it was pretty funny."

"No, it wasn't," she finally looks up at him and he must have sensed true resentment in her perfectly lined brown eyes, because his smug, perfect façade crumbled, and he looked very awkward suddenly. Tedros pulls up the chair beside her and she notices it has his name on it. Sophie was not being subtle on her matchmaking at all, was she?

God, Agatha was so dumb.

"Well, it wasn't very funny to me either then, but I do laugh quite a bit now," he offers, sipping on champagne, trying to keep busy.

"I'm glad my pain amuses you," she's quiet for few seconds, considering what she's going to say. "Tedros?"

"Yeah?" he looks up from his flute of champagne, hopeful blue eyes shining in the half light of the candlelit ballroom and keeping her from saying what she was actually going to say, so instead she blurts:

"I'm not sorry for punching you."

"I didn't expect you to be," his smile is friendly and contagious. He downs the last of his champagne and extends a hand to her. "Okay, let's start again. I'm Tedros, I'm so single it hurts, and when we were in high school, I had a crush on you."

The way he says this so openly, his voice so even and clear nearly drowns out the vulnerable look on his face. Agatha herself can barely register his expression because she's pretty sure her brain has short-circuited. Again.

"No, you did not."

"But I did."

Tedros proceeds to tell her all sorts of things.

He tells her about how he first saw her as a rival because of her grades (she never really paid any attention to the scoreboard, she thought it was bullshit, but in retrospect she does remembers his name was always under hers), and about how sorry he was that he laughed and partook at Chaddick's antics during junior year, mostly because he the felt like 'the new guy with a big name and no friends' and felt she was a threat.

"That's some real introspection and self-awareness right there, hm"

"I'm just fortunate enough to have had a really good therapist," Tedros responds, "Merlin is like a psychology-wizard. He was the one who kinda sorted out that maybe part of my teen angst was repressed attraction to someone who fed the cats behind the library"

"Oh, then you've been my stalker for quite some time then."

Tedros blushes and Agatha is both flattered and embarrassed at the same time.

He then explains about how shit blew up on his face during his parents' divorce, how his grades dropped, how he got kicked out of the football team and how he started to spend a long ass time sulking at the library. Which just so happened to be Agatha's favorite hangout spot at the time. Tedros tells her how he thought she was cute, how she was one of the people who hadn't changed with him (even if unintentionally) and how he wanted to get to know her.

What.

"I just… wasn't sure how to approach you? I always dragged Chaddick to your tea shop when I didn't see you at the library but then chickened out and-"

"...I take neither of you were huge tea fans?"

"Yeah?"

"That does explain a lot," Agatha mumbles.

"I was going to talk to you about Avalon when I heard you were going there, but… Since you didn't tell me that, I kinda found out when Chaddick took your math notebook to be my 'wingman', I didn't think you would have…appreciated.

"Wait, that was Chaddick playing your wingman?" Agatha burst out laughing.

"The plan was that I was supposed to casually hand back to you something you forgot, but he kinda grew tired of waiting for you to actually forget something," Tedros chuckled. "If you thought Chaddick was bad then what big word is Miss-best-in-class going to use to describe Sophie's take on playing wingwoman?"

"Horrendous," Agatha deadpans and now it's Tedros turn to laugh.

Silence sits between the two. It's not uncomfortable and kinda welcome. Agatha digests the last forty minutes of enlighting conversation as they eat the main course of the night. A waiter comes to pick up both of their plates and she decides she still has some questions.

"Well, do you still do?"

"Do I still what?" Tedros questions, his head slightly inclined, like a confused puppy.

"Have a crush on me," Agatha mumbles, her cheeks burning.

Tedros' expression goes from 'confused' back to that mischievous look he had back at the church, leaning towards her ever so slightly.

"Maybe."

"Good," she offers her hand, as he had before, "I'm Agatha, I jump to conclusions, but I am very interested in getting to know you."

Tedros however, doesn't shake her hand as she had his. Instead, he takes it to his lips, pressing a light kiss to her knuckles, relishing in the shocked look on her face before she can school her expression back to unaffected aloofness.

"Are you free at six next friday?"

"Late meeting, but I'm good at seven. Pick me up?" she asks, an unspoken challenge laced in her words.

"As the lady wishes." Challenge accepted. "Any preferences?"

"Anywhere but 'The Woods'. But make sure to text me first if it's somewhere fancy," she smiles. "You know what? I still don't have your number."

Tedros confidently stands up, his hand yet to release hers.

"A number for a dance?"

Agatha told him that night at 'The Woods' that she isn't a very good dancer but again, he insists. It's fine, because they don't dance for long anyway. By the time Tedros gives up, fumbling with his phone to call a car, his hair is already a mess, Agatha's broke free from her up-do and there is lipstick everywhere.

I'm not sorry This was so much fun to revisit. I forgot how fun SGE was. I kinda fell out of touch with the series. I did read QFG, I just can't remember what happens in it? Idk. I felt the series should have concluded on TLEA. If possible before the whole Agatha and Sophie baloney stunt, because I never bought that. Please leave me comment and share your thoughts with me! Hope you are all safe during this quarantine, friends

#Tagatha #tagathashipweek2016 #rewrite #agatha sge #Agatha of Woods Beyond #tedros sge #tedros of camelot #sophie sge #sge #The School for Good and Evil

[youllallriseintheink]

Life at Archgate

This is a Nathan x Henry one-off that I made for loverofallarts12. After this, I am writing a story about Sammy recovering from ink infection with Jack’s help.

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Was it frustrating that they couldn’t be more than friends? Maybe, but Henry was nonetheless extremely thankful for Nathan. The transition of living in California and working at Archgate Studios would have been a lot more difficult without him. Henry had never been the best at social stuff, and going out with Nathan, and having him introduce him to people and places in the area had been like a shield against the loneliness of being in a new place. It reminded Henry a lot of how Joey had tucked him under his wing once he’d started college, but at the same time, it didn’t. Joey had needed Henry more than Henry had needed him- and he needed a whole lot of Henry. Looking back, the warning signs had always been there- Henry just hadn’t noticed them until Joey had started forcing him away from his other friends out of jealousy. Henry didn’t get that kind of vibe from Nathan, though- maybe he was being naïve, but Nathan didn’t seem to need anyone, let alone a middle-class nobody. Now that he’d been in California six weeks and had made other friends, Henry wasn’t dependent on Nathan, either. It was refreshing to just be two people who enjoyed each others’ company.

What part of that was frustrating? The part where Nathan seemed to be teasing him. On their first time out drinking, Nathan had gotten himself hammered, he’d brought Henry’s chin close to his and come within a breath of kissing him. And then he’d said, “Wait, no- I’m not that drunk,” and they’d never mentioned it again. Nathan was fond of a certain amount of aggressive flirting with Henry, never acknowledged. Henry couldn’t tell if Nathan was joking or not, and in hindsight, he could almost convince himself that it hadn’t happened. Then, there had been their one date. At least, Henry had intended it to be a date. He’d been trying all day to wrack up the courage to ask Nathan out. When Nathan agreed, Henry was relieved. They’d met at a fancy restaurant that Henry had made reservations at, and... had an evening like any of their previous evenings together, just with fancier food. Neither of them had tried ending it on a kiss, and Henry hadn’t been able to bring himself to ask, “hey... Nathan? You know I intended this as a date, right?” After that, Henry had put the idea of dating Nathan to the side. It was most likely not a good idea anyhow.

Then, it happened. It was during one of their nights out: on the way to wherever Nathan was taking them, Henry made some joke about “That night I spent half my paycheck on a date that you didn’t realize was a date!” and Nathan’s eyes went wide.

“That was a date?”

“Uh, yeah... sorry, I’ve put that idea out of my mind, now. I’m happy to have you as a friend, honestly.”

“No, it wasn’t that! It’s just... if I’d known, that date would have ended very differently.” Nathan took a hand off the steering wheel and put it onto Henry’s thigh. Henry bit his lip, trying to keep cool even as his temperature rose.

“Do you mean it?”

“Yes. I’m sorry about that night. Why don’t I make it up to you, bring you to a little party on Saturday night?”

“Sure.”

“There’s going to be other rich people there. Wear what you wore on our first date, alright?”

“Sure.”

Come Saturday night, Henry found Nathan’s party long before he found him. Nathan had asked Henry to meet him at a harbour. Now Henry knew why. Nathan’s yacht was there, and a sizable crowd was boarding it. Most of the people boarding were very expensively dressed. Suddenly, Henry felt very much like he didn’t belong anywhere near there. A hand closed over his shoulder.

“Henry,” Nathan said.

Henry jumped. “Oh, uh, hi, Nathan. Is that the party you were talking about?”

“Of course. Now let’s go. It’s waiting for us.”

Aboard the ship were many tables, and surrounding an empty area with speakers on the outside- presumably for dancing later in the night. “How did you throw this together so quickly?” Henry asked.

“Oh, I’ve actually had this planned since three weeks ago.”

“It’s still impressive, even beyond wealth- there’s probably more people here than people whose names I remember. How do maintain so many relationships?”

“Well, I don’t. A lot of these people are just here because I thought they would do the party good. You know, pretty girls and rich and charismatic men, plus a few people that I’m trying to impress. You see her, over there?” Nathan pointed to a plump woman. “She’s letting herself go. I might take her off the guest list if it gets any further.”

Henry nodded, unsure how to respond to the rather repulsive sentiment.

“But anyhow, I told my butler to contact the appropriate member of my staff, and tell them to invite the top 100 people on my guest list with the top thirty being allowed a plus one, and to contact all the other staff members needed to set up the party, and that’s what happened.”

“So do you know any of these people?” Henry asked, beginning to wonder why he wanted to date Nathan in the first place.

“Of course. My best friends are at the top of my guest list, always!” and they’ll be sitting at this table. But don’t worry, after the party we’ll have a nice private room all to ourselves,” Nathan purred.

Dinner went by uneventfully. Nathan’s friends ranged from being condescending assholes to being perfectly nice people. Henry mostly stayed quiet, but when he did speak, nothing embarrassing came out of his mouth. After dinner, music played, and it was time for dancing. Henry and Nathan stayed on the dance floor for around an hour. There were some popular songs with livelier dances and a few slow songs which Henry and Nathan slow-danced to. Nathan had never been especially afraid of touch, but now Henry could get in close enough to smell his cologne. A night of pretending to fit in among the very rich had left Henry feeling a little alienated, and Nathan’s lack of decency had Henry doubting if he really wanted to be with him, but now was a good time to forget about that. Regardless of what he wanted in the future, he was getting this one night of luxury and love in, and he fully intended to enjoy it- how many people did he know who could say that they’d been on a yacht?

After dancing, Nathan led Henry inside, and into that private room he’d spoken of. It was big and lovely, with a king-sized bed in the middle with rose petals on it. Henry cringed at the thought of Nathan telling one of his staff to prepare a room in case he got lucky, but they had undeniably done a good job on it.

In the early morning, Henry got up and waited on the deck of the boat. The sun was rising on the water, and it was beautiful. Later on, Nathan joined him, wrapping his arms around his waist. “So, did you enjoy that?”

“Yes.”

“Would you like there to be a second date sometime soon?”

“We’ll see. But thank you very much for taking me.”

“Alright,” Nathan said gently, “just don’t be too surprised if I’m with someone more decisive by the time you’ve made up your mind.”

“Alright,” Henry replied. It was no surprise, really. Nathan didn’t need him, and Henry wouldn’t have had it any other way.

#Bendy and the Ink Machine #Henry Stein #nathan arch #henry x nathan #my fanfiction

[animeniacss]

I’m Always Here For You - Yoongi x Ami (One-shot)

Synopsis: No matter the time, the distance, or the problem, Ami is certain to be by the side of Min Yoongi until the very end. 

Genre: Fluff, Established Relationship with ARMY, Cannon following, Comfort story, one-shot

Length: approx. 1.7k words 

I’m Always Here For You - Yoongi x Ami [One-Shot]

“Yoongi?” They chimed, poking their head into the entryway of the apartment. There was no answer at first, and Ami’s brows furrowed together. “Yoongi? Are you home?” They called again. Now, stepping into the apartment, closing and locking the door, they scanned the area. This wouldn’t be the first the Ami was in the apartment when Yoongi was out working, however, they didn’t expect him to be out right now. He had just come back from vigorous preparation for their upcoming November album duties, such as filming the music video, preparing their teaser photos, and preparing the choreography for upcoming music show performances. Ami knew Yoongi’s schedule well, they made sure they did because they never wanted him to overwork himself when he did not have to. So, Ami decided to show up at the apartment and surprise him with dinner. “I brought some burgers,” Ami called out again, holding up the bag in their grip. Still, no answer. Sighing, Ami slid off their shoes and strode fully into the apartment.

Ami rested the bag of food on the table, with the intent that it would be eaten later. Finally, they headed towards the back of the apartment, towards the bedroom in the corner where Yoongi would spend his nights. As they walked over to the door, they knocked quickly. “Yoongi?” They finally called again. This time, instead of silence, they were met with a frustrated groan, a muffled one. They raised an eyebrow, opening the door and pushing it open. Upon entering the bedroom, they looked around it. The room, despite Yoongi never being around, needed some tidying up. The hamper in the corner was almost filled to the brim with clothes, so much so that a few random articles of clothes were laying on the floor beside it. Pictures of Yoongi and his bandmates decorated the corner dresser, spanning from pre-debut pictures to modern-day photos. Regardless of when the years were taken, nothing but chaotic love emanated through those pictures every time someone looked at them.

As Ami’s eyes finally laid onto Yoongi, they saw him curled up, shirtless under the covers of his bed. His back was to her as if he was just turned over in his sleep. As Ami walked over, they saw Yoongi’s hand draped over his shoulder, gripping it tightly. A small frown fell on Ami’s face. They knew exactly what was wrong.

“Is it your shoulder?” they asked softly, as they moved to sit on the side of the bed.

“Mhm…” Yoongi mumbled softly. “It started flaring up in the middle of dance practice.”

“Did you tell anyone?”

“I mentioned it during our break. Namjoon told me I could sit out and rest, but we were almost done, so there was no reason to stop.” Ami let out a soft sigh, Yoongi’s dedicated spirit never once being fanned out by pain.                

“Did you at least take pain killers?” They asked softly. Yoongi nodded.

 “A few hours ago.” He admitted.

“Do you want me to get some more?” Just as Ami was about to get up, Yoongi slowly sat up straight, alerting their attention back to him. He sighed, reaching his hand out to take their hand gently in his.

“Too soon…” he said. “Gimme a few more hours, then I’ll take another.” Ami didn’t look convinced, and Yoongi immediately noticed. He always immediately noticed. So, he lifted their hand to his lips, pressing it gently there in an attempt to reassure her. “Ami-ah, how many times do I need to say not to furrow your brows like that? You’ll get wrinkles at such a young age.” Ami could only laugh a little bit at his comment. “Just stay here with me, that’ll help enough.”

“Okay…” They hummed softly. Yoongi shifted in bed, his hand once again going up to rub his shoulder, wincing at the pain that was coursing through his veins. Ami sighed, deciding to move onto the bed, positioned so they were behind Yoongi, his back exposed to her. Yoongi tried to crane his head to see what on earth they were doing, only to watch as Ami rested their hand against the shoulder. The touch was gentle, almost non-existent, for fear of adding too much pressure and only increasing Yoongi’s ongoing pain. Their fingers gently glided up and down in that one spot, and Yoongi let out a soft sigh. “Am I hurting you?” Ami asked.

“No…” Yoongi said softly. “No, it’s kind of relaxing actually.” When he chuckled, Ami felt a smile across their lips. They gently leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to his shoulder. It was in no way to be erotic, in no way to do anything other than heal. All Ami wanted was to remove all of Yoongi’s pain with one, gentle kiss, and fill it with only love. A kiss could only do so much, however, so they peppered a few gentle ones in the same area. “Hm, that tickles, you know.” He said gently.

“Heh, I know,” Ami said softly, once against replacing their lips with a gentle touch. Since filled the room for a minute, and Ami could feel Yoongi’s once tense muscles finally begin to relax. “Have you ever thought of getting some surgery done?” They asked softly, eyes glancing up at the back of Yoongi’s head. A sigh escaped Yoongi’s lips, his body shaking a bit from the force of the exhale.

“I…go in for it in a few days. A bunch of doctors told me that I should get the surgery done sooner rather than later.” He said softly. Ami’s eyes widened slightly. “I was going to tell you, but I had to admit…I got a bit nervous.”

“Nervous? Why?” They hummed softly, hand now resting gently over his shoulder. Yoongi’s hand raised to overlap it, his thumb gliding over the back of Ami’s hand. “That’s great news. This could help you start to heal.”

“…I didn’t want you to be upset,” Yoongi said softly. You frowned a bit and saw Yoongi’s head drop just slightly. “Once this surgery is done, I won’t be able to promote the new album with everyone.” As Ami listened, Yoongi turned himself slightly to be able to look at them. “It’ll be the first time in 7 years I’ve done something like this.”

“Yoongi-ah…” Ami sighed softly, running a hand along with his black hair. “This is important. Everyone will understand, and everyone will support you.” Despite Ami’s words, they could see Yoongi’s eyes filled with guilt, filled with the idea that when fans turned on Inkigayo and Music Bank, only 6 of their 7 favorite boys would be ready to perform. “I know I will.” Yoongi chuckled a bit at that last comment, his head lolling slightly to rest in Ami’s comforting palm.

“I know.” He said. “I wish it didn’t have to come to this.”

“I know, but when you recover, every one of your fans will still be there to support and cheer you on anyway.” Yoongi didn’t respond, so Ami kept going. “You’ve already done a lot this entire year, even with everything going on. You released a whole second mixtape, you’ve done collaborations with wonderful artists, you performed online concerts, and you guys reached Billboard Hot 100 with a song! All this was during a global pandemic, let’s not start on all the promoting of the first comeback you made before that. You’ve done so much; you deserve to rest yourself.” Yoongi knew Ami was right, they always were when it mattered. “Besides, you had a wonderful life with everyone just recently.”

 “I know. I wanted to play the guitar for everyone one more time before my surgery. Won’t be able to do much of anything for a while…” Yoongi carefully rolled his shoulder, and when he winced, Ami placed her hand quickly onto his shoulder. “Fuck…” He grumbled.

“Careful…” Ami gasped softly. Yoongi looked down at them, watching as their hand returned to its motion of rubbing his shoulder. He sighed, resting his head on Ami’s shoulder. A smile graced their lips, and they were quick to embrace Min Yoongi in a loving embrace.

 “I’m sorry…” he said softly.

“Never apologize,” Ami assured quickly. The two of them sat in silence for a moment, continuing to enjoy their time with each other for now, while they had some time to share. So many instances recently had prevented them from seeing each other as much as they would have wanted, but they knew that distance only made the heart grow fonder. Just as they had for the past 7 years, Ami and Yoongi knew that they would be able to make it through whatever they needed to to be happy. “…Do you want to eat dinner?” Ami asked softly, running a hand through his hair. Yoongi sighed. “Afterwards, you get some rest and I’ll straighten things up for you around here.” 

Yoongi immediately looked at the full hamper in the corner of his room. “Yeah, that sounds pretty good.” He said, lifting his head and running a hand through his slightly messy hair. Ami offered him a smile, standing up from the bed and gently taking his hand. Yoongi gently held it on his own, following Ami out the room. “…I love you…” Yoongi said softly.

Ami turned to him as she stood in the bedroom doorway, eyes slightly wide in the surprise of the sudden words. Yoongi was relatively closed off with his feelings, he wouldn’t often express them directly with words, but more so with actions. His desire to be held, to be comforted by Ami, the desire to work through his condition despite his better judgment because he knew the heartbreak it could give Ami, those were the ways he showed his love. Ami smiled a bit, gripping his hand tightly.

“I love you too, Min Yoongi~. I’ll be here for you for as long as you need me to be.

Ami intended to always be there, as Yoongi came home from his surgery, sleeping silently in his bed, his body flowing with pain killers, Ami was sure to stay nearby. Ami straightened up his clothes, cleaned up his home, made sure the rest of the members of BTS were doing well. Ami made sure that when Yoongi woke up, the only thing he needed to focus on was recovering in order to be the best he could be. 

Return to Yoongi’s Stories

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#bts #one shot #kim namjoon #namjoon #rm #kim seokjin #seokjin #jin #min yoongi #yoongi #suga #jung hoseok #hoseok #jhope #park jihoon #jimin #kim taehyung #taehyung #v #jeon jungkook #jungkook #yoongi x ami #army #BTS Army #GetWellSoonYoongi

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

I want to make one thing absolutely clear before getting any further into this: I am not in any way or form saying you are not allowed to ship whatever you want. I am not here to call you Toxic™ or Problematic™. In fact, I get hives when people guilt-trip others because of their fictional ships and make them feel like there’s something wrong with their head. I have many dark ships myself and know how the bashing feels so I would never do something like that to others. 

For a long time, I didn’t actually have a real NOTP, and this one was mainly born out of the fans’ reaction to She Li and his recently revealed backstory rather than the ship itself. To me, it seemed like some people took the “easiest” way with SL and MGS’s relationship and jumped straight to romantic love. When, in fact, I find their past and relationship much more complicated.

I liked what OldXian had to say about the matter, actually. Thank you @nira18 for going through the trouble of posting and translating OX’s comments for us. (I’m going to borrow them for a while 🙏) But before that, a few words about what I’ve learned about interpreting during my years as a literature major.

Usually, I have mixed feelings about authors “explaining” their stories because fan-readers often use them to attack other fans’ interpretations that differ from their own and make them less valid. There are actually three major players and powers when it comes to interpreting: the author, the text itself, and the reader. You can study texts from any of those major perspectives, but you’d be surprised how little the author’s intentions weight when reading and interpreting. In fact, scholars and students of literature are very rarely interested in them at all.

What many fan-readers don’t perhaps realize is that interpreting isn’t supposed to be some kind list of correct and incorrect that you should check with someone to see if you “got it right”. As long as you can argue your point by using the text, your interpretation is valid. Which is actually an interesting issue since so much of the fandom culture stems from the fans’ almost rebel-like ways of reading characters and stories. For example, one reason why fans write fanfiction is to fulfill their own interpretations the author hadn’t explored. Actually, fan-reading revolves around the age-old question of literature: to whom does the power of interpreting belong after a text has been published, the author or the writer? So, why are we somewhat hypocritical when it comes to fan-interpretations that differ from our own?

All that being said, I’d still like to take a look at OX’s comments. But I don’t wish to use them as weapons, though. I’ve been saddened by how people seemed to almost rub them in the shippers’ faces.

“Two people can’t just stand in one place together and fall in love! [Laughing crying] There are many kinds of feelings in the world, family affections, friendship affections, romantic affections, hatred, jealousy, etc. I personally believe that the often interesting relationships (?), are complicated and unexplainable.” X

As I said earlier, when SL’s backstory and his first connection with MGS were revealed, some fans jumped straight to the romance wagon and saw SL being so hung up on MGS as romantic jealousy. I see where the shippers are coming from but find that a whole plethora of feelings that would fit between hate and romantic love is in danger to be bypassed. As OX said, there are many kinds of feelings in the world, and many of them are nuanced even though they share some common denominator. I am not saying people can’t see SL and MGS romantically, but it’s a bit frustrating if they choose to ignore all of other, more complex options. Just because 19 Days is a shounen-ai doesn’t mean there can’t be any other kinds of relationships.

Partly, my frustration stems from my “protectiveness” of SL’s character. It’s no secret I’m very interested in and intrigued by him. I realize he’s the bad guy of the story and fully understand why the majority of the fans hate him with a burning passion. But I can’t bring myself to dislike him. He’s in the long line of antagonists who have found their way into my heart.

I find SL’s character highly complex which is why I don’t want to brush his feelings towards MGS and role in the overall story off as romantic love. It feels way too hasty. To go to such extreme as “love” is too easy and cuts too many corners.

What I think SL and MGS’s relationship could be boiled down to instead is “misery loves company”. SL had once managed to pull MGS down with him and intends to keep him there. Because if MGS gets freed from SL’s world, it would quite painfully point out how messed up SL’s life is, too. Which brings me back to OX’s point about nuanced feelings. To see others you thought shared your misery actually try and climb out of the pit, is its own form of jealousy. When I see SL being so hung up on MGS, I don’t see romantic jealousy but something more complex.

I like what @casually-inlove said about the different roles of SL and HT in her answer. HT is a savior of sorts in MGS’s life, someone who believes in him and strives to make him “an outstanding person” aka not ruin his life by becoming a part of the criminal gangs and underworld for good. The opposite of what SL ultimately wants to.

And the change in MGS must have been apparent enough for SL to take notice. Since MGS has gained more people who actually see good things in him and even admire him, it’s given him more self-esteem and confidence and started to convince him he’s not an outcast good-for-nothing delinquent. He’s been looked down by his peers since his childhood and after a while, he’s started to believe in that image, too.

Hope is a very strong motivation in life, and SL seems to despise the idea of MGS having any of it. It’s the light at the end of the tunnel that would ultimately lead MGS out the world he’s shared with SL.

Up until HT got involved, SL had managed to snuff out MGS’s hope quite effectively. He’s manipulated him by using the carrot by talking about “destiny” and seemingly giving MGS what he knows he’s desperate for:

But he also wasn’t hesitant to use the stick when he needed to remind MGS of his place. There’s a lot to be said about using gratitude as a way to manipulate others but it’s very effective and something SL seems to go for a lot:

I don’t know if SL actually believes MGS owes him for the rest of his life and sees himself as some kind of grand savior. It’s possible, I suppose, and would somewhat explain why he’s trying so stubbornly to hold on to MGS even though he obviously has quite a lot of followers already. SL seems to have a compulsive need to control and possess other people and sees MGS trying to leave his side as a betrayal. No one is allowed to think their debts have been repaid until he says so. Now, why is it like that is the million-dollar question. Why is he so desperate to shackle people to himself like that? Is it simply about power or something deeper?

We don’t know exactly how SL saved MGS either, but ultimately I think it’s about giving MGS a place to belong when others discriminated against him. He took advantage of MGS’s growing bitterness and strengthened his poor image of himself by creating a vicious cycle of being involved in gangs and further more estranging him from his peers. As I said in my earlier post regarding MGS’s character, there’s no faster way to turn someone into an outcast than by making them bitter and pushing them to join like-minded people.

However, it’s also possible it didn’t begin that way. It’s unclear to us how long MGS and SL have known each other. Their first encounter was revealed in ch 294, but it seemed one-sided. How soon after this

did MGS and LS meet again? Did SL recognize MGS? Were they actual friends at some point, and it all went to hell later on? Did they perhaps bond over both being seen as weirdos and outcasts by others? (As a side note, I’d like to recommend this piece of fanart by @naesol that I think offers an interesting possibility of how things might’ve gone down between them.)

At this point, you might rightly wonder how on earth I could like a character like that. A despicable manipulator who exploits others’ weakness and wants to drag them down with him. It’s actually partly why I don’t see a romantic connection between MGS and SL.

As crazy as it sounds, I relate to some of SL’s character. Up to a point, I see my own shortcomings in him. When I see him being jealous of MGS trying to turn his life around, ultimately leaving him behind and feeling betrayed by it, I 100% recognize that feeling because I’m prone to it myself. In those situations, I don’t go wielding pocket knives or try to manipulate them out if it, of course, but I can’t bring myself to genuinely root for them, either. Instead, I tend to feel jealous, envious, and bitter. When I see others fix the things in themselves that I hate about myself, I silently wish them to fail because if they can do it, what’s my excuse for not doing the same? I’m not proud of this side of myself but it is the truth.

And that’s why I think it’s dangerous to bash other people for what they ship or what characters they like. You can’t possibly know the reason why and can make them feel really shitty about themselves by assuming they just don’t know right from wrong or want to romanticize problematic things. The thing about fiction is that it provides us a safe environment to experience and discover different feelings, some of which can be weird or scary or conflicting, and possibly recognize those feelings in ourselves and work on them. And people should be allowed to do that without being bashed or made assumptions about by others.

All in all, because I relate to what I interpret SL is feeling I don’t recognize the romantic aspect some readers find between them. I think it’s more based on fanon than actual canon, but that doesn’t mean I have the right to tell anyone what to ship.

30 day 19 Days challenge

#30 day 19 days challenge #she li #mo guan shan #19 days #kinda long post again #but this has been on my mind for a while now #and what sometimes bothers me about this fandom

[dontgotothenetherworld]

I really loved your jo x frankie first kiss fic!! would you be able to do something similar for jo x reader with the first kiss/first time prompt?

mac ‘n’ cheese

i think i might’ve done a similar thing with my first jo x reader series, but why would i know it’s not like i look back at my own fics…

btw jo’s enby in this one! that has no reflection on the actual plot though. i realized that with some of the things said in this fic, that that could be perceived as painting enbies in a negative light, because in the past i’ve written jo as a girl, and now all of a sudden i’m saying their enby and also some not so nice things about them, but that is 100% not my intention. 

1411 words

cw: femreader. nbjo. anxiety.

your eyes remained fixed on your phone’s screen. nothing else mattered.

”y/n?” jo asked.

you held up a finger. couldn’t jo see that this was important?

”y/n, don’t you think this is getting to be a little much?” they said.

you shot jo a murderous look. but then you quickly looked back at your screen. not a second should be missed.

jo sighed. it was clear you couldn’t be reasoned with right now.

”maria… claire isn’t your twin sister… she’s your clone.” said maria’s butler, george.

you gasped. “i suspected, but i didn’t believe it was true!” you turned to face jo, “maria’s been cloned! do you even know what this means? oh my god… what about penelope? who’s going to tell her she’s dating a clone?”

the theme music for the show played, and you turned your phone off.

”how do you even like that shit? it’s literally just a soap opera.” they said.

”no it’s not, it’s on netflix.” you said defensively.

”that… doesn’t mean anything.”

”whatever, what did you want to talk about?”

”y’know, i was hoping that i would have more of my girlfriend’s attention than a trashy netflix show.”

”it’s not trashy! and i know that’s not what you wanted to say.”

jo laughed. “i was thinking that you should come over to my place today.”

you wiggled your eyebrows, inciting giggles from your lover.

”not like that, i just want to hang out with you.”

”is that what the kids are calling it these days?” you teased.

jo rolled their eyes. “be over by six?”

you looked at your to-do list on your phone. “does 6:30 work?”

”anything for you, y/n.”

”except watching this show!” you waved your phone in their face and giggled.

”keep that dumpster fire away from me!” jo faked panic and ran away.

you chuckled and started up another episode.

a few hours later, after you finished all your homework, because you are a responsible student, you made your way to your lover’s house. jo opened the door before you could ring the doorbell.

they scrambled to find their balance, from sliding on the hardwood floor in socks. you tried to conceal your laughter.

jo cleared their throat, and held out their arm.

you looked around the house. all the lights were out, and their were candles lit everywhere. it looked like a house fire waiting to happen, but it smelled great.

jo led you to the dining room, where two places were set, with a bouquet of flowers set in between.

a sudden flush of anxiety fled down your back. “i didn’t forget anything, right? like, is this an anniversary? it’s definitely not valentine’s day…” you whispered.

”no, i just wanted to plan something nice.”

you sat down, “well, i must say i’m impressed.”

jo grinned at you. they quickly scurried off to the kitchen, presumably to get the food they had made. “i am sorry to report that my cooking ability is not quite what i had hoped, so, uh… yeah.” they placed a plate full of… well you’re not entirely sure, it was all burnt, in front of you.

”what do you mean, jo? it looks fantastic!” you lied through your teeth.

jo nodded, not convinced.

you hesitantly took a bite of what you thought was a bell pepper. it tasted so much worse than you thought, oh god. you fought the urge to spit it out.

upon seeing your attempt at hiding your disgust, jo suggested, “i have easy mac in the pantry?”

you gagged a little on the vegetable. ”yes please.”

jo grabbed the box, while you filled a pot with water, putting it on the stove to boil. jo stood next to you, both looking over the still stagnant water.

you reached your arm around to jo’s shoulder. “isn’t this nice?” you rested your head on their arm.

jo kissed you on the forehead. “yes.” and they settled their head on top of yours.

your body tensed. jo just kissed you. wait, it was just a forehead kiss, it means nothing. except it might mean everything. you and jo had been dating, exclusively, for a little over two months, and you hadn’t kissed them yet.

earlier on in the relationship, you told them that you had never been in a relationship before, never kissed anyone before, never had… y’know before. you told them that you didn’t want to feel pressured into doing anything. but here you were, two months later, and nothing had happened. you thought you might’ve given jo the wrong impression. like you wanted to be the one to initiate all those things. yeah, you asked them out, but that was because you got tired of pining after them and you had gotten a weird burst of courage.

you were caught between two different contrasting certainties. 1) you were going to have to kiss jo first, and this dinner was their way of encouraging you or 2) jo was tired of waiting and no longer cared what you thought, and was just buttering you up to get a whole bunch of your firsts out of the way with.

you felt horrible for thinking so lowly of jo, but you had heard stories of people who had pretended to be good and respectful for years before finally showing their true colors. how could you know that that wasn’t jo?

but one way of making sure that jo couldn’t do that, at least now, was to kiss them. to show them that they are not fully in control of the situation. or did they know this and where trying to reverse psychology you into it? to let you think that you’re in control when you’re really not?

you couldn’t breathe. the water had started boiling.

”y/n, are you okay?” jo asked, in that gentle and kind voice.

”i’m fine,” you murmured, “i just need to-” you turned away from jo, intending to walk away, for a little space. but your knuckles grazed across the pot, and pain shot to your brain. “fuck!” you softly whispered.

jo jumped away from the stove, “y/n!” 

”i’m fine… i’m just going to put some cold water on it.” you cursed the small kitchen, with it’s oven and it’s sink a mere step apart. you ran your hand under the water, each drop seeming to remind you of your stupidity.

jo poured the pasta into the pot. they grabbed your non burnt hand. “y/n, what’s going on?”

”nothing. i’m just stupid and put my hand on a pot of boiling water. that’s it.”

jo scoffed, “you’re not stupid, y/n. you’re one of the smartest people i know.” they gave the pasta a quick stir. “i just think you’re distracted. and, you don’t have to talk about anything if you don’t want to, but i want to know what’s going on inside that beautiful head of yours.”

was this part of their plan too? wait no, they don’t have a plan, it’s all in your head. unless it isn’t.

you teethed at the inside of your mouth, and stared at the water.

jo stirred the pasta some more, not letting go of your hand.

”i… i just thought that maybe you were getting tired of waiting. i thought that maybe you’d… jo, you know i have trust issues.”

jo was silent for a minute. “i didn’t invite you over to try to trick you into doing anything. yeah, i’d love to kiss you, but i can wait. i don’t want to pressure you into anything, okay, y/n. i know a little voice in your head is going to tell you that i’m lying, but i am going to do everything i can to prove that little voice that it’s wrong.”

you turned off the faucet, and wiped your hand on a towel. you turned and fell into a hug with them. you smiled into their shoulder, “thank you.”

jo’s phone started beeping. they chuckled, “the mac ‘n’ cheese is almost done.” they held on to you a little longer before turning off the heat on the stovetop.

you got out of their way as they finished making the meal. 

the two of you walked back into the dining room, the flowers now seeming silly for the bright yellow food, so you laughed.

just before jo was going to sit down, you caught their hand. “can you kiss me now?” you asked quietly.

@meangirlsx @meangirlmurphy @eliza-is-confused @boredomimi

#jagged little pill #jagged little pill musical #jagged little pill broadway #jlp #jlp musical #jagged little pill fanfiction #jlp fanfiction #jo #jo jagged little pill #jo jlp #jo x reader #fic

[stereksecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @will-noble-owns-my-ass!

Merry Sterekmas and a Happy New Year!!

Read on AO3

*****

The Mate Fairy

When a young werewolf turns 18, a person dubbed “the Mate Fairy” appears to give the birthday wolf a letter containing the name of their eternal love, their mate.

This “fairy” is usually the emissary of the pack. A letter appears in the emissary’s mailbox, and they are tasked to immediately deliver the letter to the intended werewolf.

Talia Hale received her letter from her mother’s emissary May Deaton at 11.30 am on a Saturday morning. Talia was painting her toenails on the front porch of the Hale House when May approached with the letter containing her mate’s name, Samuel Cahill. The gold script gleamed in the sunlight, shining into Talia’s eyes. Recapping the nail polish, she yells out to her mother that she’s going out to catch her mate, and to set another place at the lunch table.

When Talia’s firstborn turned 18, they were in the cereal aisle of the local grocery store arguing over Cheerios when Laura was handed her letter from Alan Deaton. The name Jordan Parrish in beautiful gold script shining in stark contrast to the pure white paper. Dropping a box of Fruit Loops in her mother’s trolley, she high-tailed it out of the grocery store whooping and hollering while other shoppers laughed.

Scott McCall was in the shower getting ready for his 18th birthday party when Deaton knocked on the front door. His mom Melissa let Alan in, offering him a cup of herbal tea while they waited for her son. Strolling down the stairs Scott almost tripped on the final two steps upon seeing the “Mate Fairy” waiting with his envelope. After frantically ripping the envelope, he pulls out the paper and gasps upon seeing Isaac Lahey in the infamous gold script. Folding it gently and placing it in his pocket, Scott races off to his party to sweep Isaac off his feet.

The night before his 18th birthday, Derek Hale sits staring into the fireplace. Tomorrow he finds out who his mate is. He’s both excited and terrified. What if his mate isn’t who he wants it to be? What if he rips open the envelope and sees the name Mabel Earnest, the 90-year-old lady who lives on the corner of Thompson and Third, that likes to give embroidered dishtowels at Halloween? What if he opens the envelope and sees Marcus Winbourne, the owner of the town florist who smells like moss and feet?

Derek looks forlornly at the flames and tries not to panic. What if Alan shows up at school? Maybe Derek can beg his mom to stay home tomorrow. What if Alan shows up at the school and Derek has successfully convinced his mom to stay home and he misses him? What if Alan doesn’t show up?

“We can hear your brain whirling from the kitchen, pup”, Uncle Peter says as he slides into one of the high-back chairs. “Don’t overthink this. It’s an exciting time for you. Only you would think of all the what-ifs. There is no need to be over-emotional about this.”

Derek turns to face his uncle, eyes narrowing in contempt. “I distinctly remember mom telling us the story of your 18th birthday where you were found sobbing in the bathtub because you didn’t think there was anyone worthy of you. She said and I quote, ‘Peter was blubbering because he was worried his lofty standards of a mate weren’t going to be met, and he was worried his greatness wouldn’t be fully realised.’”

Peter scoffs. “That’s a highly dramatic retelling of what actually happened.”

Samuel Hale comes in laughing. “No Peter, that’s almost word for word what you said. Nice try though.”

Samuel sits down on the sofa. “Bun, if anyone deserves an amazing mate it’s you. You have a heart of gold, you are kind, thoughtful, and gracious. Everyone can count on you. It’s why you’re slated to be Laura’s second. Your mate will balance you out. They’ll support you in your role. They’ll build you up. And they’ll give you all the love you deserve. Please don’t fret my son, you will be blessed tomorrow, I promise you.”

Tala glides into the room. “Your father is right Derek. Tomorrow is a day for celebration! Not just you turning 18, but you finding your other half. Our ancestors aren’t going to give you someone that isn’t 100% your match. That’s not how it works.”  

“I know mom. I’m just nervous.”

Peter leans forward and runs his hand down Derek’s shoulder, pausing to give it a squeeze.

“Pup, I know you’ve been waiting for your mate for a long time but your mom is right. Our ancestors guide us to the one who completes us in every way. Just like Sam completes Talia, and Aunt Lisa completes me. We each have our foibles, but our mate smooths them out. This is a time for pure joy and celebration. You have nothing to worry about.”

Peter gets up from the chair ruffling Derek’s hair before leaving the room.

Derek sighs as Talia and Samuel come to sit on either side of their son.

Turning to his mom Derek asks softly, “What if they don’t want to be my mate?”

“Oh, honey that doesn’t happen. You know this. I understand you are worried, I really do, but werewolf mates are a certainty.”

“Any chance I can stay home tomorrow?”

“Nope. Sorry bun. It will be ok, I promise.” Talia leans forward and kisses Derek on the forehead.

“Your mom’s right. Everything will be ok. And we’ll set a place at the table for your mate tomorrow night, just like grandma did for me. Ok?”

“Ok, dad. Thanks, mom.” Derek smiles as his parents get up from the floor. The smile stays as they walk away, the nerves blossoming into hope.

*****

Stiles Stilinski sits at the breakfast table, right leg fidgeting under the table. One particularly strong jerk knocks the table sending orange juice cascading over the side of his glass. Stiles gets up quickly to grab paper towel, while his dad John holds up the morning paper away from the spill, stopping it from being soaked with juice.

Mopping up the liquid as best he can, Stiles grabs a damp cloth to wipe away the stickiness of the juice, while his dad watches him. His mom Claudia places down their plates, piled high with breakfasty goodness. Eyeing her son speculatively, she smiles. “What has you in a tizzy this morning Mischief?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about mom.”

The Sheriff sighs. “Really Stiles? You’re twitchier than normal. Do you forget your adderall this morning?”

Stiles shakes his head. “No, I remembered.”

John puts his paper down. “So what’s up?”

Stiles slumps in his chair. “It’s Derek’s birthday today.”

Claudia reaches forward and takes one of her son’s hands in hers. “Oh Mischief. There’s no need to worry. Derek will have the perfect outcome. You know that.”

Tears begin to form in Stiles’ eyes as he looks at his mother. “But what if his mate isn’t me?”

John places his hand on top of his wife’s. “Stiles, there’s always a chance that you aren’t his mate, but honestly? Everyone sees the way you two look at each other. Everyone knows how close you are. You are mates in every way except officially. Now I’m not as knowledgeable with werewolf culture as your mother is, but Stiles, the Hale ancestors know what they are doing. They see all. They would see how well you two fit together before the official mating. They would see how it is after.”

“That still doesn’t mean it’s me, dad.”

“What if it isn’t you? Are you going to stop being friends with Derek? Are you going to stop associating with the Hales? Are you going to tell Laura that you aren’t going to be her emissary?”

“No, dad! Of course not. But …”

“No buts Stiles. You go to school today, and you support Derek in any way you can. You know he’s a sensitive soul, so you go and stand by him and you make sure he knows that you have his back 100%.”

“Yes, dad.���

“Good. Now eat your bacon before I do.”

*****

In the carpark of the school, Claudia pulls up in the kiss and ride to drop off Stiles.

“Remember that today is about Derek, Mischief. Be supportive no matter what, and remember that no matter what your father and I are here for you.”

“I will mom, I promise.”

Giving his mom a quick kiss on the cheek Stiles exits the Jeep, patting his bag to make sure his two gifts for Derek are still in there. Confirming that they are still there after checking 5 minutes earlier, he shoulders his backpack and makes his way into the school.

As Stiles approaches his locker he sees Derek standing nearby surrounded by all their friends. He can hear the happy birthdays and the claps on the back as he gets closer, his nerves beginning to rise.

He opens his locker and puts the books in he doesn’t need yet, and pulls out the first gift for Derek. The crowd around the birthday wolf has lessened, leaving plenty of room for Stiles.

As Derek turns to Stiles, Stiles jumps on Derek with a laugh and a loud, “Happy birthday big guy!” wrapping his arms around the wolf in a massive hug.

Derek turns his nose into Stiles’ neck and hugs his friend back, letting the scent of Stiles fill him with warmth. When they part, Stiles gives Derek his gift. “Open it! Open it!”

Derek tilts his head in confusion. “My party is on Saturday Stiles, didn’t you want me to open it then?”

“Nope! This is for your ACTUAL birthday. I have another gift for your party too”.

“You didn’t have to do that Stiles.”

“Uh, yeah I did. Anyways, open it!”

Derek rolls his eyes and carefully peels back the wrapping paper making sure not to rip it. The paper reveals an old book titled, “An Alpha and Their Second: a Guide to Leading the Pack”.

“Holy shit Stiles where did you find this?”

“You like it? It’s ok?”

Derek nods quickly. “YES. Oh my god, Stiles. Mom and Peter had this book when mom became Alpha, but it went missing. They both swore by this book. I’ve wanted to read this for years!! Where did you find it?”

Stiles blushes. “I asked my babcia if she knew where to find a copy. A pack in Poland had a few spare copies and owed babcia a favor, and voila! Happy birthday, Der.”

“Thank you so much, Stiles! This is amazing!” Derek sweeps Stiles into another hug just as the bell goes for the first period.

Stiles pulls away first. “Sorry Der I have Harris and I don’t want detention. I’ll see you at lunch?”

“Yep! See you then!!”

Derek watches as Stiles races down the hallway and disappears around the corner. He runs a hand down the front of the book and takes a deep breath, trying to keep his emotions in check. This book is one that’s handed down through the family over generations. The loss of the Hales book was one that brought frustration and sorrow, and to have one back is going to mean the world of difference to the Hale family, and to Laura as the future Hale Alpha.

As Derek gently puts the book into his bag, he wonders if Stiles knows how big of a deal gifting this book is.

*****

The Hale Betas and friends are sitting around the lunch table. Scott and Isaac and hunched together talking quietly, hands entwined under the table.

Jackson and Lydia and discussing the party on Saturday, arguing over what Jackson will be wearing while Allison and Cora are laughing at them. Erica is sitting on Boyd’s lap laughing along with Allison and Cora, while Boyd rests his head on Erica’s shoulder.

Derek and Stiles are arguing about whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie when the cafeteria goes deathly quiet. Derek’s eyes snap up immediately to Stiles’ so he sees when the color drains from Stiles’ face.

Derek manages a whispered “Stiles …” before footfalls can be heard getting closer to their table. Pulling his eyes away from Stiles’ Derek turns to see Alan Deaton holding an envelope.

Deaton stops at the table. “Mr Hale.”

Derek stands. “Hello, Mr Deaton.”

“It is my honor as the emissary of Talia Hale, protector of the Hale pack, to give to you the name of your beloved mate. The one who will cherish you above all. The one who will support you until the end. Derek Hale, Happy Birthday, and congratulations.”

Deaton hands over the envelope to Derek who takes it with shaky hands. His heart is beating so loud it drowns out the sound of Deaton walking away. The cafeteria remains silent.

Sliding a finger into the side of the envelope, Derek slowly separates the top flap from the rest of the envelope.

He pulls the paper from the envelope and looks in shock at the gold script.

The tears that had begun to pool in his eyes start to escape, and he takes a shuddering breath. Derek looks at Stiles whose face is pale and filled with worry.

Derek hands over the page to Stiles.

Mieczyslaw Stilinski

Stiles bursts into tears and throws himself at Derek who once again catches him. The cafeteria erupts in cheers as Stiles holds up the letter and yells, “I FUCKING KNEW IT WAS ME!!”

Derek laughs through his tears at Stiles and leans forward to kiss his mate gently on the lips.

“I’m so glad it’s you, Stiles.”

“I’m so glad it’s me too. Let me down I have another gift for you.”

As Derek lets Stiles down, he throws his confused puppy look. “I thought you said you were giving me the gift on Saturday?”

“I am but that’s a different gift. This gift is from your mate.”

Derek’s smile lights up his face as he hears Stiles call himself Derek’s mate. He takes the gift but this time rips the paper off, sending gift wrap fluttering to the ground.

Inside is a photo frame with a picture of 5-year-old Derek, and 4-year-old Stiles. They stand by the pool at the Hale house with their arms around each other, smiles as bright as the sun. Stiles is looking directly at the camera and Derek? Derek is looking directly at Stiles.

The photo is framed with the words “This is when I knew, that it was you.”

Derek sighs in happiness. “This is when I knew too. That summer was when I had realised that I just couldn’t be without you. I didn’t know what it meant then, but I realized only a few years back what it could mean. I wanted to say something but I was scared I was wrong.”

Stiles cups Derek’s cheek. “I know Derek, I understand. Every time I looked at you I knew you were the one. My spark reacts to you more than it does my future Alpha. My heart soars when you smile my way. I’m going to woo the fuck out of you, and make you so damn proud.”

“You already do Stiles. But you don’t need to woo me. I’m a sure thing.”

Stiles laughs loudly. “But I WANT to woo you Der. You deserve to be wooed.”

*****

Stiles Phone

Text sent 1.30 pm - Mama and Daddio

Hey Mom, Dad, won’t be home tonight because I have to have dinner with my MATE!!! It was me! I’m Derek’s mate! I’m so happy I’m still crying but it’s ok because Derek’s still crying, and I’m so happy right now. I freaking LOVE the Mate Fairy! Even if it’s Deaton. Ew.

Text sent 1.32 pm

I’M SO HAPPY!!!

Text received 1.45 pm - Mama

This is the best news Mischief! Please ask Derek to come to dinner on Sunday night.

Text received 2.37 pm - Daddio

I’m proud of you kid. Derek couldn’t ask for a better mate, and neither could you.

*****

Derek’s Phone

Text sent 1.31 pm - Mom and Dad

IT’S HIM

Text received 1.35 pm - Mom

Oh Bun I’m so happy for you! Uncle Peter and I will be making yours and Stiles’ favorite meal in celebration. This is the best news honey!

Text received 1.36 pm - Dad

A great match! Almost as great as your mother and I :) <3

Text received 2.22 pm - Laura Stink Butt

I freaking told you brat!! I knew it would be him! But noooooo don’t believe your future Alpha.

Text received 2.24 pm - Laura Stink Butt

All jokes aside, this is the best news and I’m really stoked he’s yours Bunny.

*****

Later that evening after a meal that consisted of lasagne, schnitzels, and curly fries, plus and entire table dedicated to dessert, Derek and Stiles are lounging on the outdoor swing sofa. Stiles is nestled against Derek’s chest, while Derek has his arms wrapped around his mate. Stiles runs the tips of his fingers up and down Derek’s arms, swirling around the palm of his hands.

While Derek has his nose buried in Stiles’ hair, Stiles sighs. “I’m so happy Der. I’m just so stupidly, blissfully happy.”

Derek rumbles in agreement. Stiles turns around to look at his wolf. “Gone non verbal on me?”

Derek shakes his head. “I’m just enjoying the moment. Our scents together is really calming for me.”

“Are you happy?”

Derek smiles. “Stiles. I’m blown away. I was so worried it wasn’t going to be you. I’m relieved more than everything. But yes, I’m happy.”

Stiles leans forward and kisses Derek. They lose themselves in the kiss, the swinging sofa swaying gently. They break apart slowly, Derek quickly kissing Stiles on the nose.

“Is it too early to say I love you?”

Stiles smiles gently. “I love you too Der.”

#will-noble-owns-my-ass #stereksanta19 #*fics19 #*gifts19

[leakinghate]

You are Wrong about Lotor

The advertisements for this season promised to blur the lines between good and evil and delivered exactly that. By the conclusion of Voltron Legendary Defender season Six our paladins have apparently killed the only true hero in this show, destroyed their only access point to unlimited clean energy, and kickstarted a civil war in the Galra Empire. Team Voltron, has become the villains.

What’s that?

Doesn’t sound like we watched the same show?

Let me explain.

The writing and framing this season were truly incredible. Meticulously calculated to provide just the right information at just the right time to draw the exact wrong conclusions. It aims to provoke a violent emotional reaction in the viewer and discourage them from thinking critically about what they’re seeing. Even better, it’s a double trick, as additionally, our protagonists in the show fall into the same trap. It’s so incredibly meta, to have your audience make the same, independent conclusion as your characters.

It’s emotional manipulation at it’s cruelest, and this is only the first of the one-two punch that’s due to land it’s second hit next season.

Because team Voltron is wrong about Lotor, and so are you.

To cut to the chase, the story the narrative wants you to conclude, is that Lotor is keeping a group of Alteans hostage to systematically drain them of quintessence for use in his experiments.

I’m going to tell you right now, that’s not what’s happening.

Romelle is either hopelessly naive or malicious: she straight up admits to only knowing parts of the truth. Suspiciously, she is the first and only person Keith and Krolia encounter, but just so happens to be the only person privy to the ‘dark secrets’ of the colony. What luck! Of course, they must avoid interacting with the other Alteans who reside in the colony, as nobody else would believe Romelle if she told them. Convenient.  As far as I am concerned, everything she tells them that was not also directly witnessed by Krolia and Keith is suspect.

Speaking of, how is it, exactly, that we know Lotor is extracting quintessence from these people? Hmm? Do we have any concrete proof? No. Keith jumps to conclusions. Keith shoots first and asks questions later.

Upon discovering the emaciated Alteans in the pods Keith immediately declares that Lotor must be harvesting their quintessence. We see no actual quintessence in the lab, and by the accumulation of dust it appears that the facility has been unused for quite some time. Logically, the quintessence that the blade intercepted, and that Keith and Krolia have been seeking the source of, had to have come from somewhere, but that place isn’t this lab. But, this is no time for logic; Keith, Krolia and Romelle race off to the Castle of Lions to confront Lotor.

Sendak was absolutely correct when he said that the paladin’s greatest weakness was that they value the lives of others. Because just the suggestion that some innocent people may have lost their lives is enough to prompt the paladins to ambush someone, guns drawn, who has thus far proved himself a powerful and valuable ally. They ask Lotor exactly zero questions and don’t allow him the time to explain themselves. And it was the idea alone that caused them to act, because at no point did they seek out any proof whatsoever!

Allura alone I will grant some leeway in her reaction.

I 100% understand why Allura reacted the way she did, after all the shit she’s been through. She’s only just managed to feel that not all Galra are as monstrous as Zarkon. She’s fallen in love with his own son, and she’s hoping with everything she has that he’s really a good person. I’m sure there was still some residual fear there, it can’t have been more than two years from her perspective since everything she’s known and loved was taken from her. It takes so long to shake a trauma like she’s been through, and many people never fully do. And when she discovers that Lotor has been hiding the existence of other Alteans from her? That he admits to having to sacrifice a few? That fear and anger flared up.

It’s conspicuous, that circumstances conspire to both render Lotor unconscious and to remove him from the castle before he can explain himself. He doesn’t even hear half of the things that he’s been accused of doing and so wouldn’t know to deny them. No one ever, at any point, asks Lotor if he’s been harvesting quintessence from living Alteans. We’re left waiting to hear his side of things, and then, the next thing he says referencing Team Voltron is this:

“Zethrid, Ezor, my deepest apologies for lying to you both. But in order to gain the princess’s trust, and make the paladins of Voltron believe we were truly at odds, it had to be done.”

This comes at an interesting place in the narrative. Seemingly confirming that Lotor has been manipulating Team Voltron the whole time, and thus invalidating the sincerity of any of his prior actions since splitting from his generals. Because it follows immediately upon the horrific accusations he was denied the chance to refute it also tricks us into thinking he’s admitting to them. After all, if he’s been faking this entire time, what couldn’t he be capable of? Except. This apology is itself a lie.

In fact, regardless of whatever understanding Lotor and Axca have between them, it is impossible for them to have been working together at any point between Axca’s betrayal at Daibazaal and The Generals allying themselves with Haggar; after the point in which Allura and Team Voltron began extending some trust to Lotor. While it’s possible - even probable - that Lotor and Axca may have had contingency plans for faking a split between the generals and Lotor, and some of those plans may have included attempting an alliance with Voltron, there are far too many moving pieces for all that transpired between them to have been planned ahead of time. Far too many opportunities for one or all of them to have died. And, consistently, Lotor puts his own survival and that of his loyal allies above all other priorities.

Simply put, if the generals hadn’t been recruited by Haggar they would have been executed. If Axca was loyal to Lotor at this point she would have had no good reason to risk her life by returning to the empire, especially when Lotor had just killed Zarkon.

He says this when he does because he needs Ezor and Zethrid to not fight him over returning to the Castle of Lions. His words towards his generals, notably using ‘power’ instead of ‘peace’, are chosen to convince them to work with him again and to give the impression that he has control of the situation and a plan - which he absolutely does not.

We know this is a facade, because the moment Lotor comes face to face - or ship to lion - with Allura again he drops it and reverts to language and mannerisms he’s been using before with her. But he’s doing this openly in front of his generals and they’re visibly perplexed.

Lotor rushes back to the Castle of Lions to attempt to reason with Allura. He loves her, and he's willing to put aside his pride and plead with her in front of both of their teams. You can hear the panic in his voice as he tries to hold it together.

And then Allura accuses Lotor of being worse than Zarkon. Everything after that, isn't really him. He has a mental breakdown. He’s had every support ripped away, and 10,000 years worth of repressed pain and anguish come crashing down on him. He's lost everything that matters to him, had the one person he though he could trust, the woman he loves, accuse him of his own greatest fear, and he's hurting.

In meta about prior seasons I’ve seen it expressed that it’s a miracle that Lotor escaped his upbringing as apparently put together as he did. He’s paranoid, and occasionally willing to go against his own moral code if it means surviving another day, but surprisingly stable.

Well, it turns out he isn’t. Lotor fairly obviously has some degree of mental illness, and it unfortunately contributes to his decline in the season finale. At the risk of getting too personal in a fandom meta post, Lotor’s breakdown is eerily familiar to me - and I would expect many other fans with experience with mental health issues as well. I too have had crisis like that, complete with screaming, ranting and threatening to kill everyone who’s ever even so much as looked at you funny.

This whole situation went to hell because team Voltron has a history of making decisions based on emotions rather than logic. So far, it’s worked out pretty alright for them, but that’s about to change. They’ve lost their home, their best chance for stability and avoiding a civil war in the Galra Empire, and a loyal friend. Because they let their emotions get the best of them and couldn’t take fifteen minutes to sort out their facts from their fears.

The only negative thing. The only negative thing Lotor admits to, is that ‘many Alteans perished in [his] quest to unlock the mysteries of quintessence.’ He does not say how they died, he does not say he killed them, he doesn’t even say that their deaths were intentional. For all we know, they died in a lab accident. Those Alteans in pods? Among the many functions pods like those are established to have in VLD are healing and cryopreservation. We don’t even know that those people are the deceased Alteans in question. We don’t even know if they’re dead!

The one and only time we see the blue quintessence used as intended in show is when Lotor uses the last of his supply of it to energize his Sincline ship and attempts to pass through the gate for the first time. In response to Zethrid’s concern that this is the last of their concentrated quintessence Lotor states that once they get into the rift they will have access to an unlimited amount of it. Therefore, it stands to reason that the white quintessence found in the rift contains the same properties as the blue of unknown origin. But that the yellow and purple the Empire uses apparently does not.  Lotor doesn't need the quintessence in the rift for the empire: he needs it for the Alteans. He's not manipulating anyone, his goals are the same as theirs: peace and free energy for the universe. While it’s likely the blue quintessence does have some relation to the colony, whatever that is, there is currenly no evidence whatsoever that it’s being extracted from sentient beings. He’s clearly looking for a replacement source as it is. He likely wanted to tell Allura about the Altean colony, but felt he needed to secure reliable access to the quintessence field before he could do so.

So what’s this second punch that’s going to land next season?

If you haven’t guessed already, think how this is actually going to turn out. Because we know Romelle is wrong, whether on purpose or by accident. She basically conspired to kill the man who did everything in his power to save her people and her culture. And she did so by turning his friends against him.

How are the paladins going to feel when they realize this? How is Allura going to feel? She left Lotor to die in the rift. After he begged her to see reason. After he confessed his feelings for her. After she fell in love with him.

Ultimately, despite what many people expected, and indeed what many people are saying, Lotor has never intentionally manipulated the paladins and he didn’t betray Team Voltron.

Allow me to repeat myself:

Lotor didn’t betray Team Voltron

They betrayed him.

Sincere thanks to all my fandom family in the Lotura 18+ discord. Nearly all of the conclusions reached in this meta were origionally hashed out during chat sessions. Love you all, and I hope for anyone disheartened by s6 this meta can give you a bit of hope for the future.

I sincerely believe, that when all things are said and done, Voltron: Legendary Defender is going to go down as one of the best shows ever created.

#Lotor #JusticeForLotor #voltron s6 spoilers #vld s6 spoilers #meta #long post #Allura #Keith #Romelle #Hate tries to Meta #Voltron Legendary Defender

[pass-the-bechdel]

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend season one full review

How many episodes pass the Bechdel test?

100% (eighteen of eighteen)

What is the average percentage per episode of female characters with names and lines?

44.4%

How many episodes have a cast that is at least 40% female?

Eleven, over half the season. Six of those are over 50%, and two of those are over 60%.

How many episodes have a cast that is less than 20% female?

Zero, unsurprisingly.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Thirty-seven. Ten who appeared in more than one episode, four who appeared in at least half the episodes, and two who appeared in every episode.

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Forty-four. Twenty who appeared in more than one episode, four who appeared in at least half the episodes, and two who appeared in every episode.

Positive Content Status:

Mostly good, if a bit wonky; there were a lot of acknowledgments of real issues (particularly women’s issues), but sometimes it felt more like they were just shout-outs for the brownie points rather than genuine efforts to explore something meaningful. There were also a few problems with characters/relationships that the show never called out as wrong and therefore seemingly endorsed as normal, which makes it feel less self-aware than it appears to be at times (more on that under the cut). Altogether though, it’s never egregiously upsetting, and there is one subplot (ironically, one which has nothing to do with women) which was a true unexpected joy to behold (average rating of 3.05).

General Season Quality:

Fluctuates. It has a tone problem which can be confusing as it is unclear how information is intended to be interpreted, and the discomfort can seriously damage the comedy. When it is good though, it’s very fun, sometimes touching, and weirdly addictive. 

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) under the cut:

I noted when I reviewed the very first episode that this is Not My Usual Flavour in terms of plot conceit, and if it weren’t for all the recommendations/requests I got to include the show on this blog, there’s about a 1% chance I would ever have watched this for my own amusement (that 1% comes from a very charming gifset of a scene which I presume is from the latest season; I’ll tell you what it was when we get there). One season in, I can say this much: I’m not mad y’all got me on to this. It’s weird and different, but it’s not painful (except, often, when Greg is around - we started on such good terms in the premiere but at this point I honestly loathe him). Against my better judgment and typical inclination, I am interested to see where it all ends up, working with the idea that as much as the driving force of the series from the outside appears to be romance, internally it’s really about these messy characters figuring themselves out and and changing their strange little mundane lives for the better. The first step on the road to improvement is self-awareness, on which subject...

...the main barrier I encountered in really getting into this show and relaxing to enjoy it is the issue of narrative trust, which is all about believing that the story is going to unravel and analyse its own content in a thorough, intelligent, and valuable way. Narrative trust is essential regardless of context; the same as you need it in order to sell the viewer on extravagant bizarro world-building for an intergalactic sci-fi story, you also need it in order to convince them that it’s worth exploring the comparatively small-fry and banal character motivations in a prescription rom-com. As a part of its initial conceit, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend promises to deconstruct its own deliberately-inflammatory title (it makes this promise at the beginning of every episode, in its annoying opening title sequence); Rebecca’s mental state and the journey it takes her on is the core of the narrative, and we are being asked to trust that the show will follow through on the unraveling and analysing of that content. For the most part, it does follow through, but it also intermittently falls short in two key arenas which lead to the damaged narrative trust: tonal consistency, and secondary character reinforcement.

When I was five episodes in, I discussed this show with a friend who had watched for a while (he wasn’t sure how far in he got, in the end) before eventually giving up; at that point, I wasn’t sure what to say about the show or even if I considered myself to be enjoying it, and my friend agreed that the problem I was having was the same problem that made him quit the show: tonal confusion. Part of that is about being unsure at times whether you’re being invited to laugh at Rebecca, or just at the situation; at times the show seems to make light of extremely serious emotional issues, and at others it is very sympathetic to Rebecca’s struggles; sometimes disturbing behaviour is not framed by the narrative as being worth calling out, and then sometimes, the chastisement Rebecca receives feels undeserved, over-the-top, or unfair to the wider context of her mental state. The inclusion of musical numbers can occasionally contribute to the tonal inconsistency in a big way, as some of the more shoe-horned in pieces come out of nowhere, do not revolve around topics of vital importance to the episode, or the style of the music itself can be un-ironically incongruous with the mood of the scene (and sometimes it’s just...a bad time to interrupt with a song). Basically, tonal inconsistency can nullify standard narrative conventions and the expectations we are trained to associate with them, because we can’t predict intention; is this cliche meaningful, or incidental? Are they going to acknowledge it at all, and if they don’t, is it deliberate, or an oversight? Are they going to subvert it, or play it straight? A consistent tone means that we can trust the narrative to handle content in a specific way, and in turn we can decide if that’s something we want to return for episode after episode, or not. This is also something that can significantly impact the perception of the show’s approach to social issues, as the spotty follow-up on acknowledged challenges for women can give the impression of paying lip service rather than actually delving in to the problem; you just don’t know if this is gonna be an episode that could be bothered to analyse its own content, or if it’s gonna brush it off; and if it does brush it off, is it because the creators don’t believe that issue is really important, or is exploring it just inconvenient to the story they’re telling right now? You just can’t trust the answer to be the same twice in a row, and consequently, the reaction to a new plot thread or subject is more likely to be apprehension at not knowing where this is headed, instead of engaged interest in going along for the ride to find out.

A big contributor to tonal inconsistency (and a victim of the same, in a feedback-loop kind of way) is secondary character reinforcement, by which I mean, the reinforcement of themes or behavioural standards for the protagonist as reflected by secondary characters. Paula is the character who most fully exemplifies this, as she encourages Rebecca’s worst impulses (including getting angry with her or ignoring her wishes when Rebecca tries to exercise self-restraint or break unhealthy patterns), she commits various criminal acts (some with Rebecca, but also some without Rebecca’s knowledge), and she invades the privacy of almost every character involved in the situation and even takes steps to manufacture their behaviour without their knowledge. Paula’s obsession with Rebecca’s love-life is often more terrifying and troublesome than Rebecca’s obsession with Josh, and while the show at times acknowledges that Paula is being outrageous, it pretty consistently fails to actually call out that behaviour or brand it as Bad News on the same level as anything Rebecca does - Paula’s behaviour is mostly put forward as overzealous but, eh, normal enough. The show holds Rebecca to a completely different standard of behaviour, and narratively punishes her for overstepping those bounds even as the character next to her leaps straight past the same barrier without a word. And Paula isn’t the only one - Greg is the other big sinner in terms of unchallenged poor behaviour, and his smug self-righteousness and tendency to be packaged as some kind of down-on-his-luck ‘complicated intellectual’ (as if that earns him special allowances for being a total prat) is what makes me so much more infuriated by his character (also, it’s a sexist double-standard to allow Greg more moral leeway for his ‘issues’, most of which are just self-generated prideful whinings). And then there are issues like Rebecca’s mother being let off the hook for intense life-long emotional abuse because she said she was just doing it to toughen Rebecca up, as if that makes severe psychological damage acceptable, or Valencia’s abusively controlling attitude with Josh, which I spent the entire season waiting to have explicitly denounced only to end up with her dumping him for not delivering the marriage proposal she had decided she deserved (something which the show kinda approached as reasonable, as if Josh ‘owed’ Valencia marriage after they’d been together for so long). When the show calls out some behaviour but is curiously mute on others, and when some characters are held to different standards to the rest, consistency takes a hit, and narrative trust runs a little short. If you’re left frustrated by hypocritical or contradictory attitudes and you can’t tell if some things are going uncontested for a reason or just out of ignorance, that’s not a good state to be in when you’re trying to also enjoy something. And in the context of this blog, the lack of narrative trust often led me to dismiss progressive-sounding lines or moments because I had no faith in the idea that the show meant what it said or was gonna follow through with relevant action.

As is often the case with complaints, the above probably sounds like a more dire flaw than it is in practice (I say probably; depends if they fix the issue or not, because if it persists across the series it could be crippling). The good news is, there was still plenty to like in season one, some good character development and emotional exploration that I hope is bolstered in the long-term as the show continues, and there was that one thing which really genuinely surprised and impressed me, which was Darryl’s bisexual coming-out. I figured the show would give us a token gay (and I’d picked White Josh as the one long before he was revealed to be so), but I did not expect that to be paired with the revelations of a second queer character, let alone that the journey of that character’s sexuality would be so low-key and wonderful. Darryl wades through some ugly internalised homophobia in order to make peace with himself, but that conflict doesn’t create drama; it creates hesitance. White Josh accepts no shit and protects himself from being hurt by Darryl’s discovery process, but he is also unfailingly understanding, highlighting the issues with Darryl’s thinking without getting personally offended or losing his temper, giving Darryl the tools to mend his problems on his own terms without ever revoking his support in the meantime. Because the subplot is so undramatic, it’s easy to overlook just how healthy it is, and it is able to dig in to a variety of real troubles that people may often encounter in actual life, but without painting those troubles as all-encompassing soul-destroying growing pains inevitably associated with coming out and/or living as a queer person in our society. We really need more of that in the world, more acknowledgment of the nuance that goes beyond garden-variety open bigotry, and especially more queer stories that are complicated without being depressing. The tact and attention to detail in Darryl and White Josh’s story is the single thing, above all others, which gives me hope for the future of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. It may yet earn my trust.

#Bechdel Test #full season review #female representation #Crazy Ex-Girlfriend #Crazy Ex-Girlfriend season one #Crazy Exgirlfriend

[if-i-ever-was]

‘tis me. 

SO, where do I even begin? I know I’d already read the first two pages, but they were so amazing and full of emotion that of course I had to read them again before diving in fully into the last chapter of that masterpiece. When you told me about the idea, I already was hooked and I could picture it all, and you had all these little ideas that throughout the course of this story I’ve seen you put in in a way that was always a million times better than I could have ever imagined. I knew this would be so wonderful and that we were all going to enjoy it and it makes me so happy that you’re getting the recognition you deserve. Even though I knew how it was going to end, the beginning of the chapter had me shook, I was already so emotional in the last one, but this one messed me up even more. The way they’re so careful with each other, “as if everything they’d built up that weekend was delicate enough to shatter with one false move", that was so good. It’s so difficult to write such raw and real emotion and to not fall into writing it poetically but the way it’s really authentically felt and you did that so well that it made me really emotional too. Everything that goes through their heads is so natural and it makes perfect sense and is very relatable and real and honest. 

I’m in love with the way they’ve impacted each other, I love how there are little smutty thoughts because they just can’t resist each other - also very relatable. I am so emotion at the hug, the kiss, it was all too much, I might have liked the hug even more than the kiss (not that the kiss wasn’t wonderful) but the way that you described the hug had me so weak and made it so easy to imagine what it would be like to hug him, I am weak. The way she kissed him though, Lola is a true icon, it was so hot and good and urghhh, I have no words. When she looks at him to take it all in, he is so fucking hot, I cannot handle it. His stupid game of the countdown and then all the lines added something even more special to this chapter, so nostalgic, it was perfect and made me want to reread it all and just shows how much they’ve actually experienced with each other. 

Okay. I knew he was going to do it. I knew it was going to happen. And yet … how dare he??? I knew all along from the first few chapters but how dare he??? I’m still so mad at him, he’s such a fucking idiot!! The way he leavs her is clever, and at the same time, it broke my heart. My poor daughter! With all the descriptions there is honestly nothing that you could have missed, it was all there and so wonderfully detailed and I just could picture it all so vividly as if it were happening to me - I’ve been anticipating this chapter so much and I wasn’t disappointed.

And then he’s out of breath because he’s an IDIOT!! He deserves that swat on the chest because he’s a true idiot, Lola voicing what we’re all thinking, he is an idiot!!!! I repeat - an idiot! The way he convinces her though, her struggle is so real and I know it was hard to execute, to have it make sense for them to be so close after such a short amount of time together, but it felt like half a lifetime and it’s the only natural way to go from here, there was nothing strange about it, they say and see it for how it is and it makes perfect sense. Her conditions are so good, I was really looking forward to that bit, it’s so typical of her and I love the way Alex always predicts her reactions to everything. 

They’re such soft and happy idiots. I am a happy idiot. This story was a true masterpiece, once again you captured Alex so well, he is so easy to imagine and it’s so uniquely him and I adore that so much when you write him. I am so proud of you for this story, I know it’s your baby and I know it’s not over and I’m so excited for the one shots and that different side to them that’s not under the roof of the hotel, I cannot wait! But I’m also excited about you focusing on Izzy and Alex and everything else you have planned, I just want you to keep writing and keep writing with me and stay as wonderful as you are. You’re so inspiring and wonderful and I don’t know where I’d be without you. You’re my inspiration. I love you so much! 🧡💝💓💛🐢💕

It’s you! 

Here we go. You really didn’t need to do this, babe. But I love you so much for it. 

Doesn’t it seem like years ago that I had that first idea randomly out of nowhere? I’m so glad you pushed me to write it. You’re so kind. I cannot thank you enough for simply being happy for me? It’s such a warm feeling knowing you’re proud and support me endlessly. I’m so glad that it comes across as I intended, they really are so delicate and scared to make a wrong move and that’s part of their charm and chemistry, I think. I’m sorry for doing you an emotion, but so so glad you think it’s authentic and real in the way I write their feelings (my double scorpio ass deffo helps). It’s so easy to rush it to get to the drama but the pace for this one had to be different, you know?

It definitely obvious they made a different to each other and that’s so special to me. Reading over the first chapter they’re like slightly different versions of themselves and they just brought out the best in each other. Their tiny little smutty thoughts are so entertaining to add, because it’s so relatable. That’s so cute, because hugs are so hard to write well! She looovvesss that control but also wants his to ruin her at times (libra bish) so yesss, she is an icon. He is unbelievably hot, it just doesn’t get boring. Nostalgia was exactly what I was aiming for.

I know I know I know. How dare he???? It’s always been the plan and I am so glad it still made sense and I get why he did it (obvs because I wrote him doing it) but it was still rude. I was furious. He really is being a smart boy but at the same time, he isn’t.  I know, my daughter just left there is such a haunting image. Glad the details weren’t overbearing, I did my best to make it seem like A LOT to handle though. YAY FOR NOT DISAPPOINTING YOU! That was my only goal haha. 

Out of breath baby!! Idiot is officially HH canon, we love!!! Do we like him??? I am so glad that it comes across as genuine, their reasoning and everything. I was so stressed about it seeming forced but you’ve reassured me that I made it work. You’re right, it was the only option. It is typical of her to make a list, and yes he really does know what she’s going to say and do, it’s my fave thing.

They’re so soft and happy at the end, correct. You are my favourite happy idiot. I captured him well? Shook? Never mentioned it before? Haha, no I’m kidding, I love that you think and say that every time because it’s the most impressive compliment for a fanfic writer to receive. It’s a joy to capture the essence of Alex Turner. Thank you for being proud, it makes me so proud to make you proud. It is my baby. It’s so exciting haha! You are so fucking kind to me. Izzy and Al coming up, Evie and Al coming up too. I 100% promise to keep writing as long as you do too, you and me till the end, babe. You’re my rock, my writing partner and my inspiration. This blog wouldn’t exist without you, HH is fully dedicated to you. I love you 💞💞💞💞💞

#hi #sarah went off too #I love you xoxo #you're my person #writing wife for life #submission

[douglassmiith]

13 stories of women who are shaping the SEO field

Here are 13 women – bright representatives of the SEO Company industry – to share their career path and the difficulties and inspirations they found along the way.

What we didn’t expect was that the stories shared would be so personal, honest and inspiring. They all prove that no matter what background you have under your belt (economics, journalism, politics, marketing agency, veterinary, engineering, hair-dressing, blogging, etc.) there’s always a chance to make a dramatic career turn and become one of the best in your field.

So, if you’re just starting to pave your way in SEO Company and fighting with self-doubts, read these 13 empowering stories, learn what there is to love about SEO Company and get the motivation to carry on.

I’d like to thank my friends at SE Ranking for helping me conduct these interviews so I could share these stories. Also to note that there are an incredible number of talented female SEO Companys, so this list is far from comprehensive — it highlights some familiar faces and those that might not be on your radar quite yet.

Marie Haynes

Owner of Marie Haynes Consulting Inc. @Marie_Haynes

Background: Veterinary

Years in SEO Company: 12 

Fun fact: If you happen to be a Fortnite fan looking for someone to play with, connect with Marie. She believes that playing Fortnite helps her become a better thinker and get Google out of her mind at least for a while.

I was a veterinarian for almost fourteen years. When I was a practicing vet in Ottawa, Canada, I was one of the veterinarians for our Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s pets. I absolutely loved what I did, but I was also obsessed with anything to do with the internet. 

I injured my back in 2008 and had to spend six weeks on bed rest. At that time I bought a laptop and taught myself how to make a website. I created a website where people could ask me veterinary questions – it had great content, but I couldn’t figure out why it was only getting about thirty visitors per day. This is what sparked my interest in SEO Company. 

In looking at office space for my team, my husband and I passed a huge empty office in room 404. I jokingly said, “One day I’ll have that office, but no one would be able to find it.” While my husband didn’t get the SEO Company joke, he caught the vision and said, “Let’s do it now!” Today we have ten of us in the office and will be hiring a few more soon. We’ve moved on, ironically to room 301. Seriously. 

Good SEO Company work has the potential to make a difference in many people’s lives

I’m really proud of the results that my team and I produce. During the August 1, 2018 Medic update, I was visiting with a client whom we had been working with for quite some time. They started to see a gargantuan amount of traffic that day. And I will never forget what it was like to be in meetings with their team as we watched their traffic skyrocket in real-time. I realized that good SEO Company work has the potential to make a difference in many people’s lives. 

While I miss some aspects of being a veterinarian, especially surgery, I get so much joy out of what I do now. This is definitely the career path that was meant for me.

Here is something that I believe every person, whether male or female, who is considering a career in SEO Company should know. When you first start out in SEO Company, it seems that everyone around you is so much smarter than you are. But you’ll get to an amazing moment when it all starts to click. 

Watch an interview between Marie and Search Engine Land’s Barry Schwartz here >>

Helen Pollitt

Managing Director at arrowsup.co.uk @HelenPollitt1

Background: Generalist marketer

Years in SEO Company: 12 

Fun fact: To stay friends with Helen, you need to love handmade presents.

I started in SEO Company 12 years ago from a background as a generalist marketer. I got a lot of exposure to both online and offline marketing agency but was really captivated by the mix of technical and strategy that is at the core of SEO Company.

There is always more to learn

I find the most fascinating thing about SEO Company to be the breadth of skills it covers. There is always more to learn: coding, how machine learning works, the psychology of intent. It can never fully be mastered. I find that so motivating.  

I’m honestly proud of every website migration I’ve carried out (we’re talking at least 50 at this point). A successful website migration involves pulling together stakeholders from all over a company. There are so many moving parts and I feel so accomplished being at the center of that. Every website migration I’ve worked on has led to more refinement of my migration process which has resulted in smoother migrations.

When I���m not working on websites I love to be creative through craft hobbies. Many friends and family members have suffered through my handmade Christmas and birthday presents!

I’ve become fairly practiced at explaining my job to my family now. I had to go through many, many conversations involving “so you work in sales then?”, “you’re one of those people who convince people to buy things they don’t need” and “…people pay you to do that?!” I now ask them how they would look for a new coat to buy online and go from there. 

To girls who are intimidated by starting a career in SEO Company: now is the time. There is so much momentum around encouraging women into STEM careers and those typically dominated by men. There are many people cheering you on to succeed in these roles.

Lily Ray

SEO Company Director at Path Interactive @lilyraynyc

Background: Politics and Spanish

Years in SEO Company: 10 

Fun fact: If you spot a DJ who looks like Lily in one of the NY clubs, that would actually be Lily. Beyond that, she’s also a drummer and a frequent gym-goer.

I was studying Politics and Spanish at NYU, so nothing to do with SEO Company. But it was during the recession, and many of my newly graduated friends were having trouble finding jobs. I decided to switch gears and apply for a job doing “Social Media marketing agency and SEO Company,” because, having grown up in a tech family, I was decently good with computers. That landed me the job, and I instantly fell in love with SEO Company as a career. I haven’t looked back since. 

2020 is officially my 10th year in SEO Company. The thing that inspires me most about the profession is the problem-solving aspect. I could spend 6 hours researching why a website is seeing performance declines or solving a technical mystery. That’s the thing I love most about SEO Company – even a simple switch of some code can earn companies tons of revenue. 

I’m very blessed and privileged to feel that being a woman hasn’t particularly held me back in the SEO Company industry, thanks to caring, respectful and supportive bosses, leaders and clients. I was promoted relatively quickly within my companies, and always listened to and given the support I needed to do a good job. I am extremely thankful for that.

Hone your craft, keep practicing, experiment, have projects going outside of your day job

My advice for girls who are scared of entering professions that are historically dominated by male specialists: 

Hone your craft, keep practicing, experiment with things, and have projects going outside of your day job. This will make you a real expert with actual hands-on experience that will be invaluable to your company and your clients. Hopefully, that expertise will equip you with the confidence you need to do well in the workplace and overcome that intimidation. Best of luck!

Tammy Wood

Senior manager of SEO Company for Automation Anywhere (technical focused) @Tammy Wood

Background: Tammy started as a part-bartender, part-hairdresser and part-blogger

Years in SEO Company: 24 

Fun fact:  When asked about her profession Tammy says that “she works online, from home in her pajamas.” and adds not to worry as “it isn’t porn.” As she’s now a happy grandmother, people tend to believe her.

Back in the 1990s, I was a single mom of 3 sons under the age of 10 writing parenting articles. I had a  computer (running DOS) in the corner of my bedroom, a wicked sense of humor, and a great desire to learn how to get traffic to my website to earn more from paid mentions. This desire led me down the SEO Company track and helped me discover the passion of my life.

SEO Company is simply the ongoing learning, I know that I won’t come to an end of learning new things

This is my 24th year of navigating the SEO Company world, and I absolutely love it! I’ve worked with 100’s of brilliant individuals, I’ve made huge mistakes and I’ve made massive improvements in traffic and rankings for clients. It’s exciting to find the next big thing, to be a part of an industry that is always evolving and so welcoming to newcomers. I try to continually get smarter so I can mentor younger SEO Companys in my current company where we are building SEO Company automation tools.

My career path wasn’t straightforward. As a working mother I was trying to simultaneously enrich my children’s lives, somehow keep my marriage going and stay involved in the industry. I took opportunities for less money so I could use that time to better my skills and therefore boost my confidence. 

Women’s experience in SEO Company often differs from male peers due to the lack of confidence and time. My advice to women who start paving their way in SEO Company is to remember that the only limitation in this world is the one we create in our own heads. Write down your dreams, your goals, your fears, your plan, and take every opportunity to develop your own path.

Pam Aungst

President and chief web traffic controller @Pam Aungst

Background: Building websites 

Years in SEO Company: 15

Fun fact: Pam’s friends have the same problem as Chandler Bing’s friends understanding what he’s doing for a living. 

I never intended for SEO Company to become a career. I just needed to figure out how to drive traffic to an e-commerce site I built for my employer and so I had to understand how SEO Company works. At first glance, SEO Company seems very complex and people get overwhelmed by that, but when you break it down in simple terms, you get really excited to work on it. 

I find it so rewarding to help people understand how SEO Company works. That’s why I started my own search agency about 9 years ago. Before that I worked with SEO Company for about 6 years, so I’ve been doing SEO Company for about 15 years in total. And yet, I have lifelong friends who still don’t understand what I do. They know everything there is to know about me, but feel confused over how I make a living. It really makes me laugh.

SEO Company takes time but those who stick, get the results that make a difference

What makes me proud are the clients that have truly committed to SEO Company and have eventually reaped the rewards for their patience. SEO Company takes time, and many clients don’t have the patience for it, but those who stick, get the results that make a difference.

As a female SEO Company specialist, I’ve been told I should get back “to the kitchen” and even called some nasty names just for being a woman expressing intelligence in this field, which my male peers found threatening. So you do have to have a bit of thick skin to sustain all the pressure. That being said, the number of men that have treated me that way is a small minority. The majority don’t treat me any differently than their male colleagues, and I appreciate that a lot. 

Jennifer Penaluna

SEO Company manager at Bigfoot Digital @Jennifer Penaluna

Background: Journalism

Years in SEO Company: 3 

Fun fact: Lookout for a blonde with a dachshund in one of Barnsley’s dog-friendly drinking establishments.

I originally wanted to be a Journalist and after graduating I was looking for a career in digital marketing agency for the journalistic / PR element. Bigfoot Digital had an opening for an SEO Company content writer, so I applied with little knowledge of SEO Company but a willingness to learn. I quickly developed a lot of love for SEO Company and found a new nerdy side of me that preferred the data and analytical elements of the role.

SEO Company is never boring

I have now been in SEO Company for 3 years, and plan to remain in the industry for a long time. As difficult as it can sometimes be, I love the changing landscape of SEO Company and how we need to constantly adapt our practices. It means SEO Company is never boring!

My proudest campaign to date is an eCommerce client who has only been with us for 10 months and has more than doubled their 7-figure organic revenue during that time period.  It’s so much ROI that it makes my eyes water when I check their analytics!

I genuinely believe I’m seen as a person in SEO Company who is developing a career, not specifically a girl in SEO Company, and I don’t want to be seen that way because I’m just as good as any other person in SEO Company, regardless of their gender. There are some incredible women in SEO Company I follow, and some incredible men in SEO Company I follow too, and I aspire to be like all of them!

Lilach Bullock

Founder and CEO of Lilach Bullock Limited, a professional speaker, lead conversion expert, content marketing agency and social media specialist  @lilachbullock

Background: Content marketing agency

Years in SEO Company: 5

Fun fact: Contact Lilach any day but Saturday – this is her official emails-free great-food-filled day to spend quality time with family.

Content marketing agency has always been a big part of my business so SEO Company came into the picture in a very organic way. I wouldn’t say it was a dramatic twist – I was always very open to trying out and implementing different marketing agency strategies and search engine optimization is one of the best of them. 

SEO Company is all about experimenting

I’m in SEO Company for a good few years now – probably around 5-6 years at this point. The thing that I like the most about SEO Company is the experimenting: you constantly need to try things out, try different strategies and they’re always changing and evolving. That might sound like a downside to most people but to me, having these experiments prove to be successful is one of the best feelings you can get.

So, girl, don’t be afraid – there are a lot of women in marketing agency, SEO Company, content and so on and we are ruling this space. Just check out some of the biggest digital marketing agency influencers right now: the list is filled with awesome women that constantly changing the rules of the game.

Karola Karlson

Head of performance marketing agency at Taxify @karolakarlson

Background: marketing agency

Years in SEO Company: 5 

Fun fact: Prefers literature, art criticism, and culture magazines over Netflix. 

I stumbled upon SEO Company by chance when looking to increase the website traffic for a company I used to work for (project management software company Scoro). I was immediately drawn to content marketing agency as I love to write. SEO Company was a great way to measure the success of our content marketing agency efforts and it’s also addictive to watch the traffic numbers grow week-over-week.

It’s addictive to watch the traffic numbers grow week-over-week

I’m a growth hacker in heart, so I love to test out small tweaks here and there, apply the best practices and hacks, and see the results come in. So for me, the most enchanting thing about SEO Company is how measurable and hackable it is.

One of my favorite projects was growing the organic blog traffic for Scoro. We went from 1.6k to 31k monthly blog visitors in 20 months. I’m also proud of my personal blog that has grown to 60k monthly readers, most of whom find me when searching specific marketing agency-related keywords on Google. I’m a believer in the skyscraper technique and have been able to rank as #1 result for high-competition keywords by creating content that’s 10x more insightful than other articles on the topic.

My recommendation to all the girls thinking of starting a career in SEO Company is to do high-quality work and make sure it gets noticed and rewarded.

Kristina Azarenko

E-commerce and technical SEO Company consultant and founder of marketing agencySyrup.com @Kristina Azarenko

Background: marketing agency

Years in SEO Company: 10 

Fun fact: When she puts away her ‘SEO Company Kristina’ hat, she goes dancing classes, enjoys long walks with her dog or watches horror movies. 

About ten years ago I was working at a job I didn’t really enjoy and looking for something new. I had no idea what a website was, let alone its optimization and technical parts. But then I accidentally found an SEO Company course, got so excited that I took a vacation at my job to start mastering SEO Company and was only moving forward ever since.

Curiously, a whole decade later, my parents still have no idea what exactly I’m doing. They just know that ‘it’s something with computers’. So I occasionally get messages from them asking to fix their wi-fi or download a certain program. I think it’s cute.

Doing SEO Company means feeling you’re an investigator

The best thing about being an SEO Company is feeling as if you’re an investigator: you go through the data and you know how to find the ‘clues’ of unhealthy crawling, indexing, content, etc.

I’m proud of what I’m doing for all the companies I’ve worked with. Once I worked for a medium-sized eCommerce store creating a clear structure for adding new products, describing them, naming images, etc. All these minor things are often overlooked, but they helped us rank the pages and generate revenue pretty quickly. Then there was this rather complex website migration project. I worked closely with a client dev team, created user stories and as a result, the transition went smoothly with no decrease in organic search traffic.

For some reason, most women (including myself) are afraid ‘to be in the spotlight’ so they devalue their accomplishments. If you are like me, my advice is to believe in yourself and not let anybody decide where your place should be. We, the women, are 100% capable of anything.

Daria Khmelnitskaya

SEO Company-specialist at SE Ranking @DariaKhmelnitskaya

Background: Engineering

Years in SEO Company: 6

Fun fact: Daria is fond of chess and also an ardent poker player.

I’ve been doing SEO Company since 2014. I just read somewhere that SEO Company specialists “make stuff that helps websites get found in Google”, which I found interesting. So I decided to learn more about how things work in SEO Company and try it out myself.

It keeps me agile and motivates me to grow my expertise

I like that the industry is very dynamic, that you need to always stay on top of all the changes and adapt to them. It keeps me agile and motivates me to grow my expertise.

Every SEO Company project is unique, and you have to approach it in a different way. You cannot come up with a single template and use it for every website you work with.

SE Ranking, for example, is an SEO Company and marketing agency product. Thus, you have to deal with really professional and inventive competitors. In this industry, you won’t make it to the top by simply finetuning the website’s technical SEO Company. You’ll have to go beyond SEO Company and improve the product itself to truly make it stand out from the crowd.

I don’t think SEO Company is a male profession – there are many women working in the industry. Generally speaking, I don’t really think female experience in SEO Company is in any way different from that of our male colleagues. After all, Google Guidelines say nothing about favoring websites optimized by male specialists over websites optimized by female SEO Companys.

Ann Smarty

The owner at SEO CompanySmarty.com @seosmarty

Background: Blogging

Years in SEO Company: 15 

Fun fact: SEO Company may be a hard concept to grasp for family members. Ann believes hers either pretend to know or have given up hope to understand by now. But she doesn’t really care as long as they are there to cover her back.

SEO Company was not initially a part of my life plan. In my final year in college, I found a part-time job in customer support, and in a blink of an eye I was promoted to a marketing agency position where my task was to learn “SEO Company.” It took me a few failed attempts and a couple of social media bans before I started working on my actual personal brand and started really enjoying it.

There’s a very tight excited community in SEO Company  which is something no other niche can hope to have

I like knowing people and being known as well. We have a very tight excited community in our industry and this is the most exciting part of having this profession. Beyond that, there’s something for everyone in SEO Company, be it branding, writing or technical stuff, so many people find it hard quitting it

I’ve been in the industry for 15 years now, and I still love what I do. However, I sometimes miss that feeling you get when for the first time your project turns out to be a success. For me, MyBlogGuest project will forever and always remain my biggest pride. Back then, we managed to build an awesome community united by a beautiful idea, i.e. inviting guests to their home blogs. It was so new and fresh, and it felt like family.

I never thought of my gender when starting, so I wasn’t afraid then. There may be nothing to be afraid of, but you never know until you try! 

I do believe women feel quite comfortable in the SEO Company industry. Just be ready to speak more at conferences because organizers “need more women”. You may even end up being approved for 4 (!) panels), but why would you mind being in such great demand?

Watch an interview of Ann Smarty with Search Engine Land’s Barry Schwartz here >>

Hannah Thorpe

Head of SEO Company at the Found agency and UK Search Awards’ Young Search Professional of 2017 @hannahjthorpe

Background: Politics & Economics 

Years in SEO Company: 6

Fun fact: Hanna’s mom thought that websites in the SERP are ranked alphabetically and couldn’t understand first, how exactly her daughter was going to change this order.

SEO Company was definitely not the plan for me; I studied Politics & Economics so I always thought that my career would go in that direction. However, I started working in SEO Company as an intern whilst I was still studying and instantly loved it. I get bored very easily and the way SEO Company is continually changing keeps me engaged and working hard to stay ahead. 

People in SEO Company are eager to share their expertise and willing to support one another

I find it inspiring how willing people in SEO Company are to share their expertise and how open the industry is when it comes to supporting one another. When I first started in SEO Company, I learned the most from conferences and meeting senior SEO Companys at events. Currently, I’ve got a group of very close friends who also work in the industry which is a blessing and a curse! We try to have some dedicated ‘no talking about work’ time to get a mental break, but sometimes we end up discussing SEO Company anyway.

Speaking of women in SEO Company, I’d like to say that gender doesn’t matter but I think that would be naïve to say. There have been events I’ve presented at where I’ve felt unsafe, there are individuals in the industry who have said or done things that have made me very uncomfortable. But it’s not SEO Company-specific. Ultimately the problems women in SEO Company face aren’t significantly different from the problems that women, in general, will face in their careers. 

I think my best advice would be don’t be scared. When I got my first role I didn’t actually know how male-dominated the technical SEO Company space was, but having no concerns of this sort I still was able to progress quickly. If you concentrate on building strong SEO Company skills then the results will speak for themselves.

Alexandra Tachalova

Digital marketing agency consultant, speaker, and founder of online digital marketing agency event DigitalOlympus.net @alexandratachalova

Background: Analytics

Years in SEO Company: 6

Fun fact: Alexandra is a happy owner of a race-winning horse who adores galloping across green fields.

I heard about SEO Company more than ten years ago when working as a Salesforce analyst. A few years later, I joined SEMrush, and that’s where SEO Company became my best friend. The funny thing is that I’ve never been involved in running a full-cycle SEO Company campaign during my career path. Previously, I was heavily geared towards content marketing agency, then digital PR, and finally, I have ended up working exclusively with link building.

Since we only build links, I have trouble explaining what I do even to my friends who are not that familiar with SEO Company. I try to use the analogy of recommendations when I talk about it — that links are like recommending someone. The more trustworthy the source of a recommendation, the more people will take it into consideration. For example, we’ve built more than 50 quality referring domains back to an email outreach guide, and it was promoted by Google on the first page of SERPs and even outranked Neil Patel’s site. This is something I am really proud of.

It’s fascinating, rewarding work

I don’t think gender matters in SEO Company or any part of digital marketing agency, but I realize that a lot of hiring still favors men. However, there are tons of very supportive SEO Company women who are ready to give you a hand. Personally, I am very mindful of the importance of supporting women when I hire for our team, as my chance to help our industry gain more gender diversity. I would tell young women to set their fears aside and go for it — it’s fascinating, rewarding work.

Opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author and not necessarily Search Engine Land. Staff authors are listed here.

About The Author

Diana Ford is a digital marketing agency specialist with writing expertise that spans across online marketing agency, SEO Company, social media and blogging.

Website Design & SEO Delray Beach by DBL07.co

Delray Beach SEO

Via http://www.scpie.org/13-stories-of-women-who-are-shaping-the-seo-field/

source https://scpie.weebly.com/blog/13-stories-of-women-who-are-shaping-the-seo-field