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queen-of-writing-bad-things · 2 months

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Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 5

Episode 34: Cave The Date (SMUT)

Season 5 Masterlist

*hola amigos. do I have smut for you? yes. it's a bit further down, and ngl, I really enjoyed writing it. this is the last episode I love before what I call the final stretch because, omg we're getting so close to the end. Is anyone else feeling emotional? I am.

~The Man Cave~

There was never much time for thinking in the Man Cave. Cerebral moments were limited when your boss is a hardheaded, dense - mentally and physically - shallow man-child.

Thinking made Ray's head hurt, so he banned it. Any clever stuff became clandestine and secret because if the hero didn't understand it, he didn't want to know. It made him feel stupid, which was bad news for The Smarties he surrounded himself with.

Schwoz, Charlotte and (y/n) found themselves dumbing everything down around the man, hoping he wouldn't criticise them for stinking up the place with their brain cells and logic. Well, mainly Schwoz and Charlotte. For unknown reasons, (y/n) never had many problems with Ray, even though it was crystal clear to her fellow thinkers. He fancied her - a distinct advantage.

But when the cat is away, the mice will play, so when Ray, Jasper and Henry stepped outside the building to run a few errands, the trio jumped at the chance to be intelligent in peace.

With some elegant classical music playing in the background, Charlotte caught up on her reading at the supercomputer - Nuclear Physics for Smarties, borrowed from her friend. Just some light reading to test her little grey cells whilst Schwoz settled into the couch for a chess game against himself. Apparently, he liked the challenge, although the girls couldn't work out how it was enjoyable when he made every move.

But (y/n) didn't care. It was his downtime; he could do what he wanted, much like how she filled the emptiness in her heart from Ray's absence with her favourite pastime. Mathematics.

Oh, she loved it. The purest field of study, where she used nothing but time, logic, and a few memorised formulas to work out an annual budget for Junk-N-Stuff. Lost in the numbers, she felt complete, knowing they wouldn't cheat her because they were facts. Pure and simple. And she liked things simple.

"I will not see that coming..." Schwoz chuckled throatily as he moved a red knight and flipped the board. The girls ignored him mostly, too enthralled with their afternoon tea, page-turning or writing on a chalkboard to care when he sipped his tea, only to spit it out again dramatically. He really didn't see it coming.

"Do you ever get bored playing chess with yourself?" Charlotte asked dryly, not bothering to look over her shoulder, through the thin frames on the bridge of her nose, to watch how he played.

"No, I don't, but sometimes, I do."

"You're a strange man, Schwoz," (y/n) smiled, gently shaking her head as she worked through her long division. For some reason, Junk-N-Stuff had a lot of expenditure that month, resulting in many numbers zipping around her head as she tried to budget it all. She'd have to tell her doofus to stop buying so many Pet Rocks.

"Ughhhhh!" Charlotte suddenly groaned as she read a new text on her phone, and judging by her reaction, it was bad news.

"The guys are coming back," she sighed, instantly standing up because that meant their R&R was over. Silencing the music, she hurried to an industrial-strength shredder, dropping her book in it since Ray couldn't find any evidence of people being smart - he'd hit the roof. However, Schwoz wasn't ready to stop playing, even when he knew how his boss would react.

"Why did you do that? I hadn't read that book yet!" (y/n) whined, lamenting the loss as the book turned into confetti--unreadable and worthy of nothing but the trash. She didn't understand, but that was because she had privileges, being Ray's beloved sweet girl. He turned into a puddle of mush when she got all brainy, yet he got crabby the minute they started being the same.

"Ray gets mad whenever people do smart stuff in front of him!" Charlotte told her, snatching the glasses from her face and throwing them in, too, making (y/n) cringe as the glass was ground into shards.

"I was teaching him about applied thermodynamics last week, and he didn't get mad. If anything, he just had this strange look on his face..."

"That's because you're (y/n/n)! He'd never get mad at you! When you do smart stuff, he thinks you're hot!" The girl groaned, dashing around the perplexed woman to try and destroy any evidence.

Her friend stood fast, refusing to let her rub out her hard work, especially since she wasn't done with her calculations yet, so Charlotte focused on Schwoz instead. It was for his own good.

"Gimme the chess board!"

"But I've got myself right where I want me!" The genius whined, not wanting to give up when he was close to checkmate.

"You'll get yourself next time!" She told him sternly, making Schwoz finally hand over the board. It went in the shredder, too, turning it into nothing but chunks of cardboard and plastic as they removed any of the extra paraphernalia.

"Where were they anyway?"

"They went to throw melons at that abandoned house that weirdos throw melons at," (y/n) replied to the grumpy man whilst totting up some final figures, never taking her eyes off her chalkboard since she couldn't lose her place now.

"Without me?! But I've been saving melons for months!" Schwoz grumbled, forlornly looking at his collection sitting by the supercomputer. Schwoz's Throwin' Melons filled an entire box and had been left there for so long that they'd begun to soften and turn smelly, flies gathering around the fermenting flesh, much to (y/n)'s disdain.

"Oh, yeah, I've been meaning to say something about that. Get those shifted to your room before I throw them out," the heroine told him sternly, finally turning around since she meant business. Those melons were stinking up her Man Cave, not to mention leaking foul juice she was forever mopping up.

"They should be back soon," Charlotte said, returning to the news that Henry, Jasper, and Ray were on their way home, which sparked a flicker of excitement in (y/n)'s heart at the thought of seeing her lover again.

"I just asked them to swing by my house and pick up my phone charger on the way back."

"You sent Ray, Henry, and Jasper to your house with no adult supervision?!" Schwoz gasped in horror, unable to think of the mischief the boys could get up to with no one responsible watching their every move.

"Yeah, what's the problem?" Charlotte asked, thinking he was overreacting. Sure, the lads played a few pranks and got into trouble in the past, but he made it sound like everything they touched turned to disaster. However, even (y/n) looked apprehensive, pausing her scratching on the board.

"Charlotte, you know I love my boys, but dear God, they can't be left alone without some ensuing chaos," she giggled, not knowing the genuine chaos about to tumble into the room. Speak of the devil, and he will appear...with two teenagers tagging along.

The elevator opened, and Ray, Henry and Jasper stepped out, looking like they'd had a wrestling session in a fire pit with a bear. Their clothes, skin and hair were torn and singed, covered in ash, yet they didn't seem to care about it, waltzing in like everything was perfectly normal.

"Oh my god..." (y/n) breathed out, placing her chalk down as Ray looked her way and grinned. The pure joy on his face made her tummy flip, but the confusion spoiled it and worry that something had happened to him, meaning she wasn't as jumpy and puppy-like as usual.

"Sweet girl! I'm back!" The man greeted his fiancée, bringing her into his arms after missing her for too long. (y/n) grumbled as the soot smeared across her clothes but gladly snuggled into him, wrapping her arms around his neck as they fell into the same old routine - melting into a long, gentle kiss.

"Doofus, is everything okay? You look like you've been on a bonfire," the woman remarked once they pulled away - properly reunited. A faint whiff of smoke irritated her nose, deepening her worry, but Ray seemed distracted, and it was only when her gaze followed his that she realised he was staring at her budgeting.

"Doofus?"

"You been doin' that math stuff again?" Ray asked in a deep, throaty voice, unable to tear his eyes away from the long list detailing expenses, necessary purchases, new stock, staff wages, profits, and utilities. His eyes darkened as he studied the completed numbers - way above what he could work out - and the chalk smudged on her hands, caught underneath her fingernails, and he knew.

"Yeah, someone has to keep Junk-N-Stuff running," (y/n) chuckled, stroking his dirty face and rubbing some smut away with her thumb. Charlotte and Schwoz shared a look; this was precisely what they were talking about, noticing his hungry gaze and how in awe of his future wife he seemed. Astounded by everything she was.

"That's hot," he grinned, holding her hips as he dipped his head and caught her in a more passionate kiss. Henry and Jasper chatted, giggling about something, but Charlotte felt like a lemon standing there. She'd sent them on a simple errand, but they still needed to do something.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!"

"Hey!"

"What's up?"

"Hi!" The boys greeted her casually, facing her without any worries. Ray's arms hung loosely around (y/n)'s figure, unwilling to leave her alone after trekking all over town without her. Thanks to the dirt coating his body, her clothes were ruined, but she didn't mind, finding him too lovely to push away.

"Did you go to my house?"

"Sure did."

"Oh, yeah."

"Walked right in," they replied, still passive and cheery in the face of her frustration. But Charlotte wasn't finished with them, too troubled by their scruffy, fire-damaged appearances to let it go.

"So... What happened?"

"We got your phone charger..." Henry said slowly, his nervous grin wobbling as he debated whether to hand it over. Ultimately, he knew he had no choice, so he shakily gave it to his friend, who noted how dark and crispy it appeared. And when the plug hit her palm, it felt like lava - so scorching she had to drop it like a hot potato.

"Aaah! Why is it hot?" She screeched, blowing on her burnt hand.

"Because we pulled it out of the fire," Jasper replied, shrugging like his words were weightless, but they burdened Charlotte heavily. Even (y/n) gasped and leaned away from her doofus, staring up at him with wide, questioning eyes because it sounded serious, but he didn't seem phased. He appeared raring to go, desperate to get her alone - preferably naked.

"You are welcome. Let's hit the showers," Ray ordered, done with the conversation since he stunk, felt grimy, and looked terrible. So, he cheekily slapped his sweet girl's ass, spurring her into walking quickly toward the showers behind the tubes, but Charlotte wasn't done with them.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" She yelled after them, making them groan and complaining that her displeasure was predictable. Ray especially was annoyed, cursing the girl for being so silly when he'd not held his fiancée properly in, like... a whole hour.

"Did you guys light my house on fire?" Charlotte asked slowly in a high-pitched voice as if she didn't want to believe it. What would her parents say?

"No, no, no, no!"

"Of course not!"

"I mean...yeah."

"Just the kitchen..." At first, they denied it, thinking she had nothing on them--innocent until proven guilty. But then, their golden hearts played out, or maybe the slaps to the backs of their heads from (y/n) made them spill. Perhaps they accidentally, not on purpose, caused a teeny, tiny fire at her place, but it was just an accident.

"How could you guys light my kitchen on fire?!" She, however, didn't see it like that, clutching her head in despair. Fire damage wasn't something she could hide or explain easily.

"Oh, this is gonna be good. Let me get some poopcorn," Schwoz exclaimed gleefully, dashing off to the auto-snacker like the boys hadn't ruined the poor girl's life. Hell, Henry was smiling; Jasper looked as vacant as usual, and Ray was prodding and poking (y/n) for her attention and affection. Like he was gonna get it.

"Hey, you big doofus! What happened?!" She scolded him, slapping his pec through his burnt shirt, which made Ray pout at her. He never wanted to upset her, but the heroine felt extra protective of Charlotte - she had a big day ahead of her.

"Okay, first of all, we couldn't find a light switch anywhere," Ray started, appealing to both girls with his best puppy eyes before the teens took over.

"It was very dark."

"And kinda cold."

"I happened to have a flare on me," the man went on, earning a disappointed look from (y/n). She'd warned him about using those damn things, highlighting how dangerous and impractical they were, but Ray was fascinated--drawn them like a moth to the flame...or a child to matches.

"Raymond, what have I said about playing with flares?!"

"But sweet girl, they're so cool!" Ray whined, shrinking slightly when she removed her hands from his neck and folded her arms. Why did she have to look so mad? It cracked his poor little heart and all over something as engaging as a flare. A tiny, harmless flare.

"Oh, my god..." Charlotte sighed, rubbing her forehead as she felt a headache coming on.

"Show them!" Henry told his boss, believing a demonstration would quell the girls' fears. Of course, Ray had a spare tucked in his back pocket, which he happily pulled out as Schwoz came over with his box of popcorn and a shitty pair of 3D glasses.

"No!" (y/n) exclaimed, trying to stop her doofus from lighting it, but once a doofus, always a doofus. Yanking the top off with his teeth, Ray ignited the flare, watching an orange fountain burst from the tip. It was meant to be a lifesaver for people lost at sea or needing rescue, but he thought they were adult playthings.

"So, I had a flare in your kitchen..." he restarted, moving around the room, holding (y/n)'s hand, so where he went, she went too.

"And then, we started exploring!"

"First thing we found was the curtains," Henry revealed, and he didn't need to say anymore. (y/n) could see it now; those three morons creeping around like thieves in the night, accidentally brushing the flare against the fabric and starting a blaze.

"Well...the flare found them."

"Those things went up fast!" The annoying thing was how uncaring they seemed, chuckling and grinning like a trio of hyenas like they had done nothing wrong. It infuriated Charlotte but also profoundly concerned her, so the woman went on the offensive when she looked at (y/n) with big, worried eyes - looking like they'd ripped her little heart to shreds.

"Raymond, I could strangle you right now! Did you at least try to put it out?" She asked, stepping away from Ray and folding her arms. When she refused to be brought back into his embrace, the hero's smile quickly fell, and suddenly, he looked like a scolded little boy - much to Henry and Jasper's sniggers.

"Yes!"

"Of course we did!" They insisted, nudging Ray as he sulked in the doghouse. The girl breathed a sigh of relief momentarily, hoping the damage would be minimal, but that was naïve.

"But, um...you know that saying, fight fire with fire?"

"Yeah, that does not work. Let's hit the showers!" Ray nodded with Henry, waving the flare around since the light dazzled his gaze and captivated his attention. Leaving it there, he turned to the teens, keeping his eyes low as he glanced in (y/n)'s directions. He wanted to ask her to come, practically begging in his heart, but he'd fucked up.

"Nobody's hitting the showers!" Charlotte screeched, her volume making them spin on their heels. Her voice was red and raw from the severity and intensity of the screaming, but it made them stop, so she didn't care.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa--what's your problem with showers, Charlotte?" Jasper asked offendedly as Ray licked his grubby palm and stubbed out the flare on his skin. The burning pain was fleeting, and his indestructibility meant he'd forgotten about it a few seconds later, yet his sweet girl still didn't like it, and it freaked her out.

"Yeah, right? Let's hit the showers!"

"Doofus, come back here," (y/n) groaned, so they turned around again. Ray had a slight bounce in his step, doing what he was told with enthusiasm because he'd do anything for his fiancée, but the kids weren't so pleased.

"You guys, what about my kitchen?!"

"Again, her with the kitchen!"

"I'll take care of it! You'll have a new kitchen in six to eight weeks! Here. Take a look at these cabinet samples," Schwoz suddenly swooped in, offering the guys a saving grace with his handiness for DIY. He was subtle and efficient, tidy and quick, so he'd get it fixed in a reasonable period and even offer her a choice of woods, ranging from orange tones to oaken hues.

"We could do oak or maybe mahogany--" he said as he gestured to the wooden rectangle cutouts on an interior decorating board, but Charlotte didn't care, not about new kitchen cabinets or Jasper's impressed "ooooh".

"I don't need a new kitchen in six to eight weeks. I need a kitchen today!" She exclaimed, forgetting how to explain the mess to her parents because she'd made other plans. Much more paramount plans that couldn't be spoiled.

"Why?"

"Yeah, what's your deal?" The boys asked, thinking they could lie to Mr and Mrs Page, possibly mess with their memories a little, and everything would be okay.

However, Ray glanced at his sweet girl's face and thought she looked odd. Not odd--definitely still utterly beautiful--but...dopey. She had a stupid smile and bundles of energy as she squirmed on the spot.

"Eeeeeee! Tell them, tell them, tell them, tell them, tell them!" (y/n) squealed, suddenly bouncing up and down like a child on sugar.

She clung to Charlotte's arm, excitedly shaking the girl in an endearing sight that made Ray melt, and he wondered what made his precious girl so happy. The only things that got her like that were romance movies, romance novels, blueberry muffins, dogs, and him.

"Okay, okay, (y/n/n)! The big deal is that I have a date tonight with Jack Swagger, and I was gonna make him dinner at my house!" She snapped, glaring at the boys as (y/n) went into a meltdown.

So that was it - romance. She loved stuff like that, all the mushy, lovey-dovey crap, whether it was on TV or in real life, and now, Charlotte had a date. With a boy. For the first time in forever. And she seemed to really like this boy.

"Oh, my baby! Going on a date! I'm so proud!" The heroine sobbed, grabbing the girl, hugging her tightly, and petting her head. It only seemed like yesterday that she was just a little girl, eager and willing to work and begging Captain Man to give her a job. Now, she was nearing womanhood, and it made her friend broody.

"Wait, you know Jack Swagger?"

"International music superstar Jack Swagger?" Jasper and Henry asked over (y/n)'s squeals. They were shocked that their friend knew Jack Swagger. He was some celebrity or something, too young for the older couple to know, but for young people, he was a dashing heartthrob.

"Youngest person to win a Grammy, Jack Swagger?" Even Schwoz knew who he was, but since they were more than happy with each other, Ray and (y/n) still didn't know who he was. Instead, the hero was more concerned with the fact that his helper was dating - something she'd never really shown an interest in.

"You have a date?" That earned him a dry look from his sweet girl, who was heavily invested in that night. He thought they were the only ones loving it up in these parts, but apparently not.

"Yes, doofus, she does. And yes, it's with this Jack Swagger boy," (y/n) told him, releasing Charlotte now the wave of excitement had passed, and she walked over to his side. She was still mad about the accidental fire, but all this talk of dating and courtship made her feel gooey and tender - reminders of the butterflies that never left.

"How do you know Jack Swagger?" Jasper asked after a lot of dithering, pressing his palms together and doing a lot of squatting. It looked bizarre, not that the couple behind him noticed as they canoodled and fawned over each other.

"We went to camp together, like ten years ago, back when he was Jack Swaggowittz," Charlotte replied, making Ray chuckle in his fiancée's ear at the funny name. Luckily, he was much cooler than that, so he bagged himself the best girl in the world, but Henry and Jasper were too entrained in their friend's story.

"Okay, how did we not know this until now?!"

"I've told you guys like a million times. You guys just never listen to me," the girl argued, recalling plenty of momenta when she told them about her childhood pal-turned-celeb, but the boys were insistent. If she had told them about Jack Swagger, they'd have remembered.

"I don't believe you."

"I don't remember that," they argued, but the girl quickly pointed out when they played Truth or Flare in Junk-N-Stuff; she told them then. She chose to tell a truth, so she confessed that the first person she ever kissed was Jack when they were at camp. It wasn't her fault they were so enthralled with the flare that they didn't register the information.

"Okay, fine. You told us one time," Henry shrugged, admitting that they should've been a little more attentive, but Charlotte wasn't done. She quickly remembered another instance when they didn't bother to pay attention to her - that time at Henry's house.

They were hanging out whilst the boys enjoyed some snacks, and (y/n) waited with bristling hairs on her nape at the thought of Mrs Hart coming home when a ping went off on her phone. It was a text from Jack about their date after the Swellview Bowl, but they didn't know that because they got distracted by an ice cream van and fell over. She couldn't make this shit up.

"Okay, so you mentioned it twice."

"Y'know, scientists say that you have to hear something three times to be legally remembered--" Jasper and Henry scoffed as Ray stroked his pretty girl's hair, fascinated by soft, shiny and sweet-smelling it was, but he still agreed with them, even as the young girl fought back.

The final reminder was the finishing blow. They couldn't excuse this one since it happened less than an hour ago when she phoned them to ask if they could retrieve the phone charger from her house. She even told them about the phantom light switch, and they said they could handle it. Apparently not.

"Wow... was that today?" Henry questioned, his mind a little fuzzy, but now that he thought about it, he could faintly recollect a phone call and the sound of (y/n) screeching in the background at the mention of this important date.

"That was an hour ago," the woman deadpanned, pulling away from her doofus dryly to look at the boy.

"An hour ago today?" He looked even more confused, so she rolled her eyes and shook her head, noting how she should probably call him a doofus too. Meanwhile, Ray was rubbing along her hips, up her back, and arms, needy for her attention whilst his helpers squabbled.

"And I can think of seven more times I've told you guys," Charlotte moved on, highlighting that she was right and they were wrong, but the boys argued there wasn't enough time in the day for her to retell every example. So, she moved on, deeming tonight more important than their past indifference.

"Well, Jack was supposed to come to my house and have dinner tonight, but now, I can't make him dinner!"

"Why not? We got your phone charger," Ray pointed out, showing her the slightly burnt cable, but his smooth, calm attitude didn't go down well with his lover, who folded her arms and became stern again when he played dumb.

"Doofus, you burned her kitchen down! How is she meant to cook dinner when the place is burnt out?!" (y/n) chastised him as the girl carefully took the charger from him.

If the man felt bad when his precious girl snapped at him, it was nothing compared to the pain of being whipped with the wire. Charlotte held nothing back, assaulting her boss with a vengeance because she'd probably have to cancel now.

"Ow--ow--ow!" Ray whined as she whacked him, bringing his sweet girl into his arms and curling around her so his shoulder took the brunt. He didn't want her hurt but didn't see why he had to. An overreaction, if you asked him.

"Ow!--Just take him to that restaurant, Sotto Voce. Nice place. Romantic. Kitchen not burned. Remember the date we had there last month, sweet girl?" He suggested, wiggling his eyebrows at (y/n) to try and sneak back into her good books with the memory of that night.

"Even I'll admit it's a nice restaurant. Definitely puts you in the right mood," his love replied suggestively, making him chuckle and squeeze her tight. She'd agree that it was wonderful, both before and after, once they made it home, but Charlotte had already thought of somewhere else.

"We tried that. He's too famous, and he gets mobbed wherever he goes."

"Yeah, I saw him at the dentist once--tackled him! Turns out, different guy," Schwoz said, earning a few confused glances, but they understood his meaning. Jack Swagger was a celebrity, so all the fans trailing behind him often forgot he was also a very human young man.

"So, you guys can only have dates at your house?" Henry asked, leaning on his best friend as he dug deeper into the mystery of Charlotte's secret boyfriend.

"Or secret restaurants. Like, one time, in New York, he took me to this cool underground spot below a fake laundromat," she replied casually, only to spark inspiration in Jasper, who'd been racking what brains he had for a way to help his friend, and he'd finally come up with something.

"I got it!" He yelled, making everyone jump. "We need some place to turn into a fake restaurant, okay? Some place nobody knows about? Somewhere underground? I say we make a fake restaurant in...Henry's house!"

"Yes!"

"No!" Ray loved that idea, but the kid quickly shot it down. (y/n) too seemed reluctant, especially when her fiancé jumped at the chance to enter the home where she knew a certain golden-haired beauty lived. Really, she had no right to feel jealous and apprehensive because she had no proof of Ray being unfaithful, interested or enamoured, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Avoiding Henry's house seemed like the better idea.

"Why not?" The man asked, sounding slightly disappointed, making the woman's tummy simmer with nerves as to what that could mean.

"There's a hawk in my house."

"A what? How the hell did that happen?" (y/n) asked, stamping down her assumptions and trying to sound cheerful. He was her doofus - he probably just wanted to get out of the Man Cave for a while, and thankfully, it sounded like something peculiar was going down at the boy's house.

"That's what Piper said," Henry shrugged, telling them how dangerous the bird was with its distrust for his dad. It shredded anyone who pissed it off, meaning the house was on lockdown, with only his mom able to gain entry.

"I may need to crash here 'til the hawk leaves."

"I'll set you up in one of the spare rooms. We have more than enough space," (y/n) told him kindly, knowing she'd never refuse one of her babies a bed and warm meal when they had nowhere else to go, but her words made Jasper think. And that was very dangerous.

"Okay, so we'll do it in the Man Cave," he said, instantly catching the resident couple's attention because he was talking about their home.

"Do what in the Man Cave?" Ray asked in a deep voice, his arm slung limply over (y/n)'s shoulder. He didn't sound very interested, but the teen had his full attention because he didn't trust his weird ideas, thinking anything Jasper suggested ended in disaster.

"Make it into a secret restaurant."

"Yes!"

"No!" Again, Charlotte loved that idea, but Ray and (y/n) quickly disagreed. The heroine didn't often put a dampener on things, more open to propositions than her adorable idiot, but she was with him on this one. It sounded risky - why didn't they add a turnstile to the front door since they wanted to turn the place into a funfair?

"We're not turning the Man Cave into a secret restaurant."

"You owe me! You burned down my kitchen! You never listen to me. You get mad at me when I read books in the Man Cave, even though you love it when (y/n) does the same thing!" The girl argued, pointing out his wrongdoings and bias with fury in her eyes, but Ray loved an argument and quickly fought back.

"I knew I smelled books in here! And not the hot kind that my sweet girl reads!" He snapped, glancing around the room to see where the stench came from.

Like a bloodhound, he scouted the shredder next to the couch and peered into the bucket, sneering at the destroyed paper and plastic chunks because of how dumb they made him feel. He wished he could play chess or read complex literature as his wife did, but that wasn't who he was, making him angry.

"You owe me! (y/n/n), tell him! You know how much this date means to me," Charlotte, however, was clever, whether he liked it or not, so she switched tactics. Using her best pleading, puppy-dog eyes, she begged the woman to side with her, who knew about her feelings for Jack, how rarely she saw him, and how seldom she dated at all.

(y/n) bit her lip for a minute, frantically looking between her doofus and ward as she decided. Being in the middle was never nice, but both trusted her judgement, so her word was final, with Ray knowing she weighed things up better than he ever could.

"...This is really important to her, Ray. And we can help out..." she sighed after a few silent seconds, sidling up to her lover and sliding her hands up his chest. Perhaps she was soft, but that's what he fell in love with, and who was Ray to go against her?

"...Fine! We'll turn the Man Cave into a restaurant," he sighed, pulling her into his chest as she broke out into a grin. He felt soft too, and couldn't help but glare a little at Charlotte as she celebrated, but feeling his sweet girl's arms around him helped. It made him proud, knowing he'd pleased her and his employees.

"Such a sweetheart..." (y/n) cooed, kissing her fingertips and pressing them to his grubby cheek, where underneath the grime, he was blushing. It was his reward for agreeing - anything to sweeten the deal - which was enough to make him comfortable with the idea until he glanced into the shredder again.

"Who was playing chess?" He enquired angrily, pulling out an intact piece that hadn't made it through the harsh blades, meaning it was identifiable as an intelligent person's item. He showed the chessman to his helpers, who shrugged and proclaimed their innocence, and he already knew it wasn't his pretty girl's game of choice, so that left one culprit.

"Schwoz?" Ray raised an eyebrow at him. All the genius needed to do was hold his ground and insist he was guiltless, but the guy crumbled under his boss' stern glare. Shouting for his life, Schwoz bolted for the secret door, hoping he could seek shelter in his bedroom before the man caught him.

"What did I tell you about that?!--" Ray bellowed, trying to push past (y/n) to grab the genius. His love for science stank up his Man Cave, which he hated, so he used his vast bulk to try and strangle him, not that his fiancée let him.

"Raymond! Raymond! Leave it! Leave it!" She shouted over his growls, using all her might to hold him back, even though her sneakers were slipping against the floor as she pushed against a solid wall of muscle and doofiness.

Unexpectedly, an idea popped into her head, and she forced him back with an aggressive push, only to pose provocatively when he stared at her in shock. A finger trailed down his chest, making Ray gulp because he knew that look, and her sudden flirty behaviour made his heart race.

"Sweet girl?"

"Let's hit the showers..."

*SMUT STARTS HERE! Even though this one isn't too extreme, go forth at your own risk because, of course, I'm going to hell and dragging everyone down with me. sorry not sorry.

In their bedroom, (y/n) was preparing for a night of elegance and sophistication. It was unexpected and last-minute, leading to quite a bit of whining from her because trust them to turn the Man Cave into a restaurant when no one had anything decent to wear.

Restaurante de Man Cave - name pending - was supposed to be a fine, classy eatery fit for celebrities, so they couldn't serve Charlotte and Jack Swagger wearing jeans and a t-shirt. But, after some stress, things were starting to come together.

While the girl went home to get ready and meet her date, Ray found Henry and Jasper some spiffy suits - one for a waiter and the other for a maitre d'hotel. The former would serve the table and wait on the happy couple's every need after the latter showed them down into the Cave, where Ray and Schwoz would be cooking dinner.

No one knew if they were good cooks, but it wouldn't be challenging to shove something in the microwave and put it on a plate. At least that's what (y/n) hoped. She played the glamorous host with a beaming smile and beautiful dress, ensuring everyone enjoyed their meals, which meant she had to look good.

"You know, you didn't have to buy me a dress. I could've used one of the ones I've already got," she called out to her doofus in the en-suite as she sat at her vanity unit.

Having showered, done her skincare regime, and dried off, she'd left the bathroom to him, arguing that they didn't have time for sauciness, so he needed to get ready alone.

Behind her, a long, green silk dress hung from the closet door, ready to slip into once she'd done her makeup. Brushing a smoky silver eye look into her crease, she was nearly done in that sense; nothing OTT, just some eyeshadow and highlighter to make her finest features pop. The real attraction was the gown her doofus bought her - a last-minute yet exquisite present for a stunning girl, even if she already had hundreds of them.

"And miss a chance to see my best girl dressed up, looking gorgeous? Think again, darlin'," Ray replied as he emerged fresh as a daisy from the en-suite, making their bedroom hazy from the steam. Meeting his eye through the vanity's mirror, (y/n) felt her face heat up when she saw him blindly towelling his dripping hair, as naked as the day he was born and without shame.

She couldn't really say anything, sitting in her cosy corner in nothing but her fanciest pair of panties because the dress was so restrictive - beautiful, yet impractical, and she'd need her lover's help to zip it up.

But goddamn, she said there wasn't time for messing around, but seeing him in all his glory, with water droplets running down his abs, drawing her eyes south, made her drool.

"More money than sense, doofus," the woman teased him, putting down her brush to turn and face him. Ray felt his breath hitch at the sight she made; hair all quaffed and sprayed to fall perfectly around her face, makeup finished to match her nails, but her bare skin made him visibly gulp, his eyes darkening when he clocked that she was wearing panties, but nothing else.

"With you, I can't help it, sweetheart. You're so fucking beautiful," he replied smoothly, walking over to snake an arm around her body. Gently cradling her jaw, he bent down to kiss her, angling her backwards to find her lips, but it wasn't long enough for (y/n).

Releasing her after the fleeting peck, Ray swaggered to the bed and sat down, bouncing on the mattress as he reclined and watched - not getting ready, not drying her damp hair, just watching her. At first, she felt a little silly under his gaze--shy because she was practically naked, but he was her doofus.

How he licked his lips and hungrily drank her gave her the confidence boost to make her shift, searching for his eyes in the reflective glass. Had he ever told her how hot her back was? Probably not, but it was true; he could see over her shoulder and saw how her chest heaved - exposed in the cool air, making her nipples pebble and his mouth water.

Moving down her soft tummy, his fun was only spoiled by the tiny lace panties she'd slipped on, the ones from an expensive set he bought her for some Valentine's fun last year. And he fancied reenacting that long, pleasure-filled night.

"Your tits look gorgeous, too. No bra, sweet girl?"

"No, there--there's one built into the dress..." (y/n) stuttered as she rubbed scented lotion up her arms, neck, and chest. Her fingers drifted over her breast - to remove the last smears of greasy product from her hands - but to Ray, it was like a strip tease. He eyed how she touched her body, wishing it was him instead, but he didn't move from the bed.

No, he wanted her to come to him, so he relaxed against the headboard and took in the show before him, allowing it to fuel his desire and thickening length.

"Hmmm...so, you'll be walking around, teasing me like all hell? And there'll be nothing I can do about it..." the hero growled, laying his palm flat against his pelvis, keeping it there so he didn't ruin himself before he had her in his arms.

"You're obsessed with them..."

Giggling, she made a final check on her makeup and turned in the chair, resting her forearm on the back in a casual slump, but suddenly, she froze.

Before her, on the bed, sprawled out in all his glory, Ray was grasping his thick cock, slowly pumping it to full hardness. The exquisite contours of her body made him grow and burn, the temptation to succumb to his filthy desires too much when her innocent eyes widened in shock.

He growled lowly in his chest, never breaking eye contact as he pleasured himself, keeping his pace agonisingly slow to stop the blissful chase. But that didn't stop her from licking her lips, gaze glued to the up-down movement of his hand.

"Damn right, darlin'," he growled, staring at her chest for a long moment before he tore his eyes back to her face.

Squirming in her seat, the heroine awaited instruction, throwing her previous judgement to the wind because they'd make it if they didn't have time. With every soft stroke, his fist engulfed his cock, a slight twist added to the end, making him whimper slightly, calling to her soul.

"Come here."

Without hesitation, she practically fell off the chair and scrambled up the bed, clumsily knocking her knees against his. Ray chuckled at her feverish movements, breaking his stoic façade for a second as he welcomed her into his arms, angling her body so she straddled his lap, tits pressed against his chest with their breath mingling.

"Hello..." she said cutely, again feeling a little silly at how embarrassingly quick she'd been, but it died when his cock poked against her thighs. Her panties acted as a barrier, separating her from what her aching core sought--desperately needing him to stretch and fill her, making her whine as their nose rubbed together.

"My little darling's so needy..." Ray grinned, grabbing handfuls of her ass, landing a light spank on her left cheek to make her gasp and arch into him. More wanton moans fell from her mouth as her nipples brushed against his pecs, the atmosphere electric as his hands ran up and down her spine, revelling in her soft, sweet-smelling skin.

The perfume clinging to her body was addictive, causing him to pull her hand away from its tight grip on his hair, so he could press his nose to her wrist, kissing her pulse point as he inhaled deeply.

"Smells good, sweet girl..."

"It's the one you got for my birthday... You spoil me, doofus," (y/n) replied, eyes fluttering closed as his lips pressed to each fingertip, palm and back to her pulse. Nothing made her feel more beautiful--cherished--adored than when he lavished her with his attention, melting into his warmth and safety as she gently rocked her hips against the underside of his leaking cock.

"Nothing makes me happier..." he whispered into her skin, releasing her wrist to drag his touch down her ribs, thumb brushing over her nipple, making her whimper and arch against him.

Leaning forward until their navels touched, he took the soft peak into her mouth, gently suckling as his length throbbed, tortured by the subconscious rolls of her hips. Twitching to the other, he showed it the same attention, brushing his teeth against the nub, and when she dropped and ground into his body, Ray knew he had to be inside her.

"Gonna sit on my cock, darlin'..."

She nodded frantically, agreeing with whatever he said as the all-consuming fire overwhelmed her, but in the back of her mind, she realised it wasn't so much of a request, more like an order. Either way, sounded good to her.

Carefully holding her hips like she was made of glass, the man raised her from his lap, grunting when her slick underwear left his leaking member. They were in the way, but the lace was so soaked it felt like velvet against him--frictionless and glorious against his sensitive skin.

Still, they had to go, and he was all too happy to dip two fingers into the elastic resting over her hipbone, ready to shred them like it was nothing and money was no object, but (y/n) liked this set.

"Nooooo, I like these..." she grumbled, pathetically swatting his chest to try and save the expensive lingerie, vaguely remembering it was a discontinued line.

"They're in my way, sweet girl. And this--" he growled, leaving the waistband to mercilessly rub two fingers against her clothed slit, drawing a wail from her lips at the relief his touch brought, "--this is mine. Don't you want my cock in this little pussy?"

A weak nod earned her a smirk, but Ray wasn't cruel - not with his precious girl. He regrouped, changing tactics in the blink of an eye because whilst he preferred to have free access to her pussy, he couldn't stand the idea his selfish desires left her upset.

So, in a compromise that leaned in her favour, his fingers stroked over her clit a couple more times before flexing underneath the soaked fabric. Grasping the base of his cock as he pulled it to one side, he had enough room to notch himself as her entrance, feeling her slick drip over the head and length as he slid through her folds.

"Oh, fuck--so big--Ray--" (y/n) cried, sinking onto him inch by inch, soothed by her lover's soft hushes and coos as he let her go at her own pace.

Wrapped in his arms, with no pressure to do everything perfectly, she felt safe--allowed herself to feel a little vulnerable as the position pushed him as deep as possible. It was all a little overwhelming - the intimacy, the pleasure, the emotions running high - and it made her head drop to his shoulder, pussy clenching so hard she swore he wouldn't fit tonight.

"Oh, my little darlin'. Doin' so well for me--look, sweet girl. Look how well you take me," Ray cooed, noticing how she got a little lost in herself, so he took it upon himself to ease the final few centimetres.

Finding her clit through her panties again, he rubbed in tight circles to sweeten the intense experience, knowing she rarely sat on his cock like--rarely felt him filling her so completely. Gasping at the inrush of pleasure, she moaned and steadied her breathing, sinking lower, watching her pussy swallow his impossibly thick length.

"See, sweet girl? See how you're made for me? My cock's made for this pussy--feels so f-fuckin' good," the man choked, resisting the urge to fuck up into her as he watched himself disappear, engulfed by her heat, and it was damn hard not to.

Whispering endless praises into her chest as he reeled in his desire, he kissed her breastbone and told her his darkest, filthiest thoughts--how small and perfect she was in his arms, how he'd ruin her for any other man, how he could die right then and there and die a happy man, wrapped in her tight heat.

(y/n)'s eyes followed his, and as always, she was stunned by how she'd managed to get his entire cock crammed inside her. Seeing her dripping centre stuffed full made her core clench and another surge of desire run through her. She felt complete and satiated now that their bodies were joined, thighs touching thighs as she sat there and let him worship her.

"I want--I want--Can I move, doofus?" She asked, surprised by how wrecked and whiny her voice sounded. She didn't know what she wanted, but something in her hindbrain told her to fuck herself on his cock, to drag her walls against him and have him fill her with his cum, but shockingly, Ray grabbed her waist and held her still.

Unable to pinpoint his schemes, all the woman could do was whimper and react to his soft touches, humming softly as the tip of his nose roamed her neck, kisses occasionally landing whenever he felt like it. His hands reached around to her ass again, squeezing it gently, pulling her cheeks apart so she stretched around his cock a little more.

Why he was taking his time, she didn't know, but it was nice, anyway, to sit in his lap, moan when he bit into her collarbone, clench when he pulled her earlobe past his lips.

"You're gonna sit on my cock, sweet girl..." he repeated, hot breath rolling from her ear down the column of her throat as he adjusted his position, flexing his hips when he sat up straighter. He loved the face-to-face closeness, how he could look her in the eye and be used. He was there for her pleasure, something to satisfy her, and he was just along for the ride.

"You need something to cum on."

Two fingers found her clit, throwing her into a needy clinch, body convulsing as her cunt spasmed, gripping his length. She hadn't realised how worked up he'd made her until white heat ripped through her body - a sudden, earth-shattering orgasm rocking her delicate figure, but it was exactly what she needed. And suddenly, she understood what he meant.

Sit in his lap. Something to cum on. And god, it felt good.

"Good girl--that's it. Use this pussy and ruin me. Take what you need," Ray told her softly, eyes shining as she slumped against him, tired but not yet satiated in the afterglow.

He was so hard inside her that it almost hurt, but he didn't feel the need to rearrange her guts with harsh words and possessive commands. With soft, clean skin fragranced with shampoo and soap, he wanted something gentler, which led to him milking her body for everything she could give.

His thumb never stilled on her clit; even through the aftershocks, he diligently worked her through the overstimulation, seeking to make her ruin those cursed panties and soak his thighs with her juices.

"Mmmm... Ray...feels so good," she murmured against his skin, lazily trailing her lips across his collarbone after her first climax left her sleepy--almost drunk. He chuckled above her head, letting his head thunk against the wall behind him as he enjoyed how her walls fluttered around him, the ultimate test of resilience for any man with the love of his life in his arms.

"I can make it better, darlin'," he replied throttle, making her hum and raise her head to give him a questioning look.

Without saying a word, the hero held her hips, supporting her weight as he shifted underneath her, tilting his hips ever so slightly as he brought his knees up behind her. Now, she didn't rely on her lower back muscles to keep her upright, and with a gentle push, he silently told her to relax against them--to let him take the strain, so she could recline effortlessly.

"There you go, sweet girl. Let me enjoy this perfect body--this sweet cunt... Feel how deep I am inside you?"

"So deep...and big. L-Love you, doofus," she gasped, ass meeting his pelvis in the altered position, meaning her greedy pussy consumed the last millimetre of his cock, craving everything he could give.

"Love you too, darlin'. Always have...a-always will," he replied with a shaky laugh, hunching over her body to kiss up the valley between her breasts, hands following his touch to cup and squeeze them. He couldn't help but stumble when she jolted, jostling the length nestled inside her, but he resisted moving.

Tweaking her nipples between his forefinger and thumb, (y/n) felt her hips roll against his, aching to chase another orgasm, but once Ray had his mind set on something - especially when it came to sex - he rarely changed it.

A softly stern glare made her freeze and grumble, complaining that she needed more--wanted to fuck or be fucked because it wasn't fair that she took everything and gave nothing in return, but he insisted.

"Ah-ah-ah, you needy little thing. Wanna 'nother? Hmmm? You wanna cum again?" He asked mockingly, one hand leaving her tits to return to between her legs, where her clit still throbbed under the soaked lace, despite the attention he paid to it earlier.

"Yes--want more. Please, doofus..." (y/n) moaned, trying to avoid squirming on top of him since it might make him pause, but her words seemed to please the hero.

Smirking cockily, two fingers began to trace figures of eight over the nub, throwing her head back, pushing out her pretty tits for him to worship. He couldn't leave them alone for a second, preferring to alternate which one he wanted to hold, not even play with. He enjoyed the weight of them against his palm, thinking they were beautifully made to suit his desires - his perfect girl.

"Give it to me, then, darlin'. Give me a good one," he mumbled, her eyes watching when the tendons and muscles flexed in his arm as he worked her clit. Whatever she wanted, she could have it; his lips against her skin, fingers on her cunt, nipples pulled and taunted, but there was one exception.

When she tried to rock against him, desperately craving some friction and his pleasure, a sharp, fleeting smack to her tit warned her that he was still very much in charge. An absolute sweetheart, but the one who knew how to make her see stars.

A pathetic whine left her mouth, making him chuckle at how needy she became as her second climax came hurtling in out of nowhere, building further and more intensely than the last. Throwing herself forward, the heroine chased his lips, needing to feel his tongue against hers as she clenched around him.

Ray happily indulged her, cupping her jaw possessively as he swallowed her sounds, releasing some groans at the sensation of her tightness.

His cock pulsed inside her, threatening to blow his load then and there as her scorching pussy convulsed around him, but he squeezed her harder and allowed himself a small grind into her cunt, loving how she came for longer with the added stimulation.

"So hot, sweet girl. Everyone thinks you're such an innocent little thing, but I know you're not. You love this, don't you?"

"Please, Ray. Please fuck me now. I need---I need to--" She gasped, a tear falling from her eye as his touch continued with no regard for her sensitivity. Yet, as much as the pleasure blurred with pain, she wouldn't stop him - and he'd stop if she asked. But Ray knew the answer to his question; she loved it, her filthiness matching his rampant desires, which was probably why they got on so well.

Finally, he couldn't take it any longer. Seeing her fucked-out, pleading expression swayed him slightly, calling to her merciful side, but when coupled with the tightly wound coil sitting in his core, he was a goner. Tilting her chin down so she looked at only him, he pulled her closer, wanting to feel her skin against his as he unhurriedly rocked up into her.

"That's it, love," he breathed out, one hand splayed against her back, keeping her upright, the other wrapped around her neck, foreheads touching as he let their hips grind together, gently meeting her thrusts.

The rhythm was torturously slow and soft, their bodies barely rubbing against each other, but it was enough, neither wanting to go any faster since it risked shattering the fragile moment.

"N-Nice and slow..." Ray instructed her, but it wasn't really a command. Minutes--seconds--hours, perhaps, passed with them just moving to the quiet sound of their thighs brushing against each other, his lips caressing hers in ghost-like kisses, tasting her at every possible chance. Behind, his hand encouraged every roll of her hips, the angle encouraging his cock back into her whenever she pulled away.

"Doofus..." (y/n) gasped, arms hanging limply around his neck as she let him dictate the pace, matching every micro-thrust he made, never wanting him to pull out. Sometimes, the rough fucks were what she needed - a hard, brutal speed to satisfy the dirty brat inside her. But at times, she needed the intimacy and hint to look after him, like he was now.

Knowing she'd possibly die if she didn't fight the fire he lit inside her, she willed her jelly-like arms to move, bringing her shaking fingers to one breast whilst the other found her clit. She was nowhere near as precise and skilled as he was, too hysterical with pleasure to care, but it took the edge off, sweetening the pain and turning it into something much more intense.

And it made quite the sight for the enamoured man beneath her.

"Fuck, I wanna cum inside you. Can I? Can I fill you up, sweet girl? Show the world you're mine?" He asked, no longer gruff and dominant but anguished in need of her approval like it was air to breathe.

'Yes, Ray--I want it! Pleasepleaseplease--fucking give it to me!" She wailed, frantically losing control as she toyed with her body, sending them both racing toward the edge. She bounced on his cock passionately, becoming slightly rougher at the end as his mouth slotted against hers - all tongue and teeth as they came together.

Transfixed - that's what Ray was. He swore the world stopped as he saw white and felt nothing but searing heat flash through his body. His pleasure tasted like honey, thinking he'd gone to heaven when everything blurred because he knew angels were real. He had one in his arms, crying out his name, clinging to his biceps as she collapsed against his chest, shuddering and breathless.

His strong arms stayed around her body - always keeping her protected - as he fell back against the headboard, their sweaty bodies pressed together as he remained nestled inside.

Raspy, panting breaths filled the air as she kissed his chest, tasting salt on his skin whilst he came down, dazed but not unhappy to find his angel without her wings. Just a sweet smile and gentle kiss.

"We're gonna be so late," (y/n) chuckled as she cupped his cheek, finding his lips instantly when he leaned forward in a silent request. The restaurant had been pushed to the backs of their minds, replaced with the ever-present need to be one with the other, and for Ray, it still felt too soon to return to normality.

Why couldn't he stay in here with her where no one bothered them? Out there, he had to behave, but away from prying eyes; he could have her however he wanted with no competition for her attention.

"Just a little longer..." he whispered, guiding her head to tuck into the crevice of his neck, where she blissfully sighed and closed her eyes, content to have five minutes like this.

Legend has it the universe separated soulmates to stop them from growing too powerful--to spite them for being perfect. Only when together do they feel whole again, and at that moment, with his sweet girl dozing against his chest, Ray believed the stories to be true.

He felt complete - he and his twin flame love.

*SAFETY AGAIN! I love the idea of Ray being so protective and soft because he's only got one sweet girl - he has to take care of her. I'm also a firm believer that (y/n) loves to snuggle (because D**x (ew) never wanted to), and she likes sleeping on her doofus. ask me to write an essay on it, and I will because I have every angle of this relationship figured out

and I love writing essays.

ONWARDS MY FRIENDS!

~A while later~

They had to hand it to Schwoz; he'd done a fabulous job turning the Man Cave into Swellview's answer to The Ritz.

Under (y/n)'s watchful, tasteful eye, he'd sectioned off the floor near the elevator with long, swooping, silvery curtains, creating the impression that the room was a restaurant. Metallic curtains were tied with shimmering beads and jewels, creating an elegant atmosphere, twinned with red accents in red chandeliers and floral arrangements. He'd also spread several scarlet Ankara rugs on the floor, which felt soft and plush underneath everyone's feet.

Meanwhile, the glamorous hostess finished the final touches to the table they'd use for Charlotte and Jack Swagger, fussing over a crooked napkin and dull cutlery as Jasper hovered around her.

"Are you sure it looks all right, Curly?" She asked quietly, rearranging the small, white orchid in the table's centre for the hundredth time, much to the boy's frustrated amusement.

"Yes, (y/n/n). You and Schwoz have done a great job," Jasper replied, using a small ruler to measure the distance between the customer and their plate - Downton Abbey style.

Dressed in a clean, sharp tux, the kid had never felt so fancy and took his job seriously as they waited for the couple to arrive. She looked beautiful, dressed to the nines in the gown Ray had bought her, but she was so stressed about tonight. And it wasn't even her date.

"I just want tonight to be perfect for Charlotte..." She sighed, rubbing her manicured nails against her forehead from the million things worrying her when the elevator opened. Henry stepped out, doing his pinny since he would be the waiter for tonight.

"Sorry, I'm late. The hawk grabbed my tie and wouldn't give it back. Luckily, my dad distracted it with his face," the boy apologised as he approached them, straightening his tie so his starchy collar wouldn't rub his neck raw. His words made Jasper and (y/n) look at each other in worry, thinking an attack like that sounded serious.

"Ouch..."

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's okay. He's got razor talons and a knife beak, so..." the boy replied dopily, making his friends chuckle at how wrong he'd interpreted that.

"No, no, he meant your dad, Hen," (y/n) told him, smoothing the nonexistent wrinkles of her dress to quell her nerves. She could only imagine how Mr Hart looked with his face all shredded and bleeding, and it did nothing for her queasy stomach, but Henry was quick to notice her nervous behaviour, changing the subject.

"Oh, no, he's in serious pain--this place looks great! Where's Ray?" The blond boy asked, knowing the praise and mention of her fiancé would cheer her up. It worked, and (y/n) smiled softly, like always when thinking about the hero, butterflies chasing the nerves away as she absentmindedly stroked her engagement ring.

"Masterchef's in the kitchen."

"Where's the kitchen?" Henry frowned, glancing around the room and seeing no indication that they had something like that. But that was where Schwoz's genius came in because the auto-snacker wouldn't cut it this time. Jasper smirked at (y/n), who rolled her eyes, but she knew the feeling - how the genius had done it was awesome.

"Behind the soundproof curtain!"

"Whaaaaaat?" The kid gasped, face becoming severe as his best friend mouthed, "I know". Henry couldn't believe it, so he tentatively stepped toward the curtain, grabbing the soft, expensive fabric and pulling it back. Instantly, he knew how effective it was, hearing Ray's annoyed bellows as he messed around in the kitchen, but in the restaurant, things were quiet and calm. It was incredible.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I JUST HAD IT! HOW COULD I LOSE--" The man screamed, but he was muted when the boy drew the fabric closed again, not a sound creeping through.

"IT WAS HERE TWO SECONDS AGO! I SWEAR ON MY FATHER'S PREPURCHASED BURIAL PLOT--" Trying it again, Henry listened to whatever grievances his boss had, glancing at (y/n) for an explanation, but she just sighed and massaged the bridge of her nose.

"Hmm, chef sounds mad."

"It's weird. He seemed so calm earlier..." Jasper remarked pensively, remembering how Ray emerged from the sprocket with the sappiest smile and a very relaxed mindset. Whatever had happened while he was changing put him in a really good mood, but any positivity had vanished after parting with his lover to start their tasks.

"Uh--we should check on him. God knows what he's been up to in there," the woman said awkwardly as she gulped, suddenly thinking it wasn't a good idea to let Ray cook unsupervised whilst Schwoz got into his cooking overalls.

Shimming her skirt up her legs so she didn't trip on the hem, she disappeared behind the curtain, immediately coming face-to-face with her doofus, holding a million flares as he looked around the kitchen for something. It was an impressive setup with rows and rows of shelves for food storage, plenty of counter space, and a gigantic, professional oven set to preheat, but despite the tidiness, the man had lost something important.

"Oh my god, doofus! What are you doing?" She gasped as he waved one--two--three--four flares around in his hands like they were harmless. She was surprised he hadn't set the place ablaze yet, but he still didn't put them out when he turned to her and the boys' horrified faces.

"I can't find my fifth flare, sweet girl!" He whined, raking his eyes over her form to see how perfectly the dress fit her body, highlighting her curves, contours and...finer features. Her shoulders were bare, and nothing would stop him from sliding the zipper down her back...if his damn flare hadn't gone walkabout.

"What the hell do you need flares for, you doofus?!" (y/n) asked incredulously, hands on her hips, which didn't help Ray's focus. He stared at the area, licking his lips at the thought of holding them for her, but when Henry cleared his throat, he snapped out of his haze and spoke.

"If I don't have all five flares, it's ruined!"

"Put the flares away, man! They're for emergencies only!"

"Or for playing Truth or Flare!" Jasper added to Henry's plea, which was less important, but (y/n) appreciated the backup. However, they still didn't get through to the man, who refused to extinguish the flames because they were in his competent hands.

"It's fine! I just had the thing! Where--it was here a second ago!" He grumbled, searching his work surfaces to see if he could spot the orange, flickering light against the metal, but amongst the vegetables, meats and spices, it was impossible. Mainly because when he shuffled around, his helpers quickly realised what he'd done.

"Well, could it be this flare-shaped object here?" (y/n) chastised him, ignoring his shouting as Henry passed her a tea towel. Neither he nor Jasper wanted to go anywhere near their boss because he'd shoved the fifth flare into his back pocket, and they weren't paid enough to touch his butt. However, they had a sweet young lady who loved him dearly, and she often talked about how cute his ass was. She could do it.

"Where is it, darlin'?"

"Stop moving!" She ordered her doofus, wrapping the cloth around her hand to avoid getting burnt; she yanked it from his pocket, smothering the flame before it could damage. She threw the singed towel and empty cartridge into the trash and gave her lover a stern glare, poking his arm when he fell into a daydream, eyes glued to her cleavage.

"Raymond, you have to stop lighting flares in kitchens!"

"Why? What's the worst that could happen, sweet girl?" He asked casually, placing more interest in her beauty and allure than what she was saying. The ones in his hands were still burning, meaning she couldn't get close enough to smack some sense into him, which meant they had to go.

"Okay, hand them over. Come on, doofus, give them to me! Guys, help me out here--" the heroine grunted, bringing in the brawny boys flanking her to wrestle the flares from his hands.

"We're done! We're done!" Alone, she didn't have the strength to wrench them from his hands, but with Henry and Jasper holding his wrists, she could easily pluck all four flares away.

"Ah, you're ruining my process! No, sweet girl, don't put them in there! Don't put that--aw..." Ray argued pathetically, pushing against his sidekick, who held him back as the woman dunked the fiery sticks into a cold pot of something, the liquid extinguishing them quickly, much to his disappointment.

"Don't pout at me, Raymond. No more flares indoors, or so help me, you'll be sleeping alone for the next month," (y/n) scolded him, dusting down his crisp, white chef's jacket as he huffed. That didn't sound fun; whilst he liked flares, he loved his sweet girl and quickly nodded just as an alert displayed on the supercomputer.

"Okay. Charlotte and Jack Swagger are close. I gotta go up to Junk-N-Stuff and pretend like it's a fake store," Jasper announced, doing up his jacket's button as he made to go through the curtain, but not before his friend gave him a funny look.

"It is a fake store," Henry pointed out, thinking he should've known that after working there for so long.

"Exactly. This guy gets it." But Jasper didn't understand, leaving to greet the young couple properly and gentlemanly, and he couldn't do that if he had stayed chatting with them.

Leaving them alone as the computer dictated the teens were getting close, Henry took a moment to study the kitchen, his eyes landing on the head chef as he sipped something broth-like before leaning down to kiss his sweet girl. That had to be the weirdest way to taste something he'd ever seen.

"Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight, darlin'? I love what you're wearing..." Ray cooed to his fiancée, his arm wrapped tightly around her silk-clad waist as he let her sample his dishes - mostly ready-made, store-bought and highly microwaveable. Still, she seemed impressed, blushing under his compliments as they exchanged hushed, sweet nothings, unaware of the boy watching them.

"You have, but thank you, doofus. You look as adorable as ever..."

"What are you wearing?" Henry piped up, interrupting their little lovefest without care because he wouldn't call the man's outfit adorable. More goofy and ridiculous.

Like something from a cheesy movie, Ray wore traditional chef whites - a button-down shirt and trousers - with a big poofy toque pulled down over his chocolate locks, drooping over his left ear. He'd tied a comically large red handkerchief around his neck and even had Schwoz embroider his name across his left breast as if everyone would forget who he was.

He looked like every stereotypical Italian chef ever thought of, and whilst it endeared him to (y/n), Henry thought he looked stupid.

"Schwoz and I are the chefs. I am dressed like a chef," he explained like it was apparent, sounding quite proud that he had such an important job. And, lest he forgets, chefs were known to be undeniably hot to women, especially sweet ones. A win-win situation for him.

"Uhh...from a cartoon?"

"This is what chefs wear." And he wouldn't let Henry spoil it. The hand holding (y/n)'s hip squeezed tightly at the insinuation that he looked silly, growing tighter when the boy started to smirk and argue back.

"In cartoons."

"No! In real life! Sweet girl, tell him!" Ray growled, appealing to his lover to resolve the matter, which Henry didn't find fair because, obviously, she'd tell him that he looked perfect. Handsome. Cute. Hot. The whole works, even though he was correct. However, before (y/n) could open her mouth, the secret door opened, and out came Schwoz, who brought her argument down in one fell swoop.

Underneath a navy apron, a white t-shirt stretched across his lean chest, exposing the gold chains he always wore underneath his clothing. A matching blue bandana kept his thinning hair under control, and he'd even taken the time to apply two sleeves of fake tattoos to his arms just to complete the whole cook look. Pair that with the professional knives tucked under his arm, and he could sneak into any real kitchen and fit in.

"Boom! Now, that's a chef!" Henry grinned, pointing to the genius as he dumped his tool on the counter and began sorting them out, oblivious to their argument.

"No. I got a can of pasta sauce right here with a picture of a chef on it. That's what a chef wears. Here's what a chef looks like!" The man snapped, picking up the red tin and obnoxiously shoving it in his sidekick's face so he could see the guy in the front.

"You're sad..." Henry mumbled, shaking his head as he held his tongue. He desperately wanted to yell at his boss and tell him that just because some crappy company thought that their recipe would taste better if they put Mario and his sauce just like Mama used to make on their products didn't mean actual chefs wanted to look like morons.

"What is Ray wearing?" Schwoz asked as he glanced up and saw his childish outfit. He thought the jacket looked strangled when he picked it up, but he'd never imagined that he'd be working with The Swedish Chef's long-lost cousin.

"He's a chef!" (y/n) told him, feeling protective of her doofus as they ganged up on him. She'd admit that they were correct; he did look a bit outlandish, and yes, he would've seemed sinfully hot dressed similarly to Schwoz, but he was so happy in his floppy hat. Who were they to ruin that?

"What? From a cartoon?" The small man joked, making Henry snort and chuckle as Ray seethed.

"This guy gets it."

"Look at the can! The can's a lie?!" Ray exclaimed, angrily showing the pasta sauce to Schwoz, who still laughed in his face because of how stupid and stubborn he was.

"It's a cartoon guy. This is what a chef looks like!" He snapped, making Ray bite back until they were embroiled in a heated dispute, shouting from both sides. Henry looked at (y/n) sheepishly, knowing he'd caused it with his persistent hardheadedness, but she shook her head and waited for them to finish. It had to end at some point - either in a stalemate or victory - and she'd be okay with both.

Until Ray pulled out a flare.

"Raymond! No! Bad!" She shouted as he yanked the top off with his teeth, setting off the chemical reaction without regard for his safety when the sparks flew.

Schwoz immediately shrank back, terrified of being burnt because he wasn't indestructible like Captain Man - more like highly flammable. When the man started waggling it under his nose, he was off like a shot, scuttling off to a safe corner of the makeshift kitchen to chop his vegetables and prepare his prawns.

Meanwhile, Henry and (y/n) faced off with Ray, who was still tempted to follow the genius, despite his noticeable withdrawal. They refused to let him move, standing with stern faces as he lowered the flare, not wanting to burn his sweet sidekicks.

"Raymond, are you trying to tell me something? You want to have the bedroom to yourself tonight?" (y/n) asked sharply, folding her arms as his expression darkened, turning stormy because he couldn't believe she'd even suggest that. He spun and clenched the flaming item in his hand, letting the heat burn away from him behind his back as he glared at them grumpily.

"No! Why should I suffer because Schwoz is stupid? What do you like his chef outfit more than mine?!"

"Dude, this is literally your fault!" Henry hissed as he nudged (y/n)'s shoulder, seeing how her eyes squinted indecipherably at the backhanded accusation. He wanted her to know he was there, not that Ray could ever offend her so childishly. But it wasn't fair that he took out his anger on them, especially when (y/n) was just trying to keep things civil, so he stood his ground and frowned back.

"Oh, so you're mad with me, too? I'm telling you this is a chef's outfit, and I won't believe otherwise! You have some cheek!" The hero growled, stamping his foot and pointing his free finger at the kid, but he wasn't scared for some reason.

Instead, Henry laughed, glancing down at the man's body, where the flare brushed against his clothing, flames curling around the white material of his overalls, which would make any chef wince--if they actually wore them.

"So do you, dude, and it is on fire!" The boy chuckled, pointing to the man's ass, where his pants had caught alight. He'd not been paying attention, meaning he didn't notice how he'd tilted the flare onto his leg until it was too late. Looking down, Ray's eyes widened comically as the stench of smoke hit his nose, and that's when it hit him.

He was on fire.

"PUT ME OUT! PUT ME OUT! PUT ME OUT! KID! SWEET GIRL! IT BURNS!" He screamed, dancing in a circle, flailing his arms around as Henry's façade broke, peels of laughter falling from his lips as his boss patted his butt.

"Henry!" (y/n) scolded the boy, but suddenly, she was too preoccupied with tending to her doofus. Even if he was a very indestructible child, she couldn't stand watching him go up in flames. She grabbed a cloth and tried to smother the fire before it overheated his cute ass.

All the while, Henry watched in amusement, swapping sly glances with Schwoz as the genius hunched over his worktop with shaking shoulders, hiding his laughs at how his boss looked and sounded like a scalded chicken. The boy thought the guy deserved it, and perhaps, it would teach him not to play with such dangerous things. After all, children shouldn't play with matches.

"Henry Hart, don't just stand there! Get the fire extinguisher!" (y/n) barked, whacking his arm when he wouldn't move. Nothing helped him. The tacky, cheap uniform was made from such crappy fabric that it went up like a bonfire, licking up his lower back and down to his calf as the kid walked towards the safety equipment, laughing all the way.

Finally, he unhooked the silver canister from the wall and grabbed the nozzle, pointing it at his boss like any firefighter. With pleading eyes, Ray begged the kid to squeeze the trigger, unable to stand the pain any longer as his skin refused to melt, so Henry looked upon him with mercy.

A squirt of gas hit the man's butt, instantly quelling the flames and stealing the oxygen they needed to grow, leaving nothing but a black scorch and a small hole that showed Ray's - and (y/n)'s - favourite underwear.

"Oh...that's good," the man sighed in relief, sinking into his sweet girl's arms as the blaze died down, revealing another source of embarrassment, but it paled in comparison to his ass being on fire. Henry kept going, perhaps using too much of the smoke, but it was better to be safe than sorry, and Ray didn't seem to care about anything now he was put out.

'Don't do anything stupid like that again, Ray. I don't like my doofuses toasted..." (y/n) whispered as he became soft and affectionate, resting in her neck as the pain faded. His skin felt strangely chilly now, possibly because he'd accidentally burnt his trousers off, but he didn't care, even when Henry awkwardly averted his eyes. He didn't want to see that.

"No, sweet girl..." he nodded, rubbing his nose against her skin, pushing his lips against her pulse because he'd nearly died. Well, not died, but anyone else, and they wouldn't be able to sit down. He felt lucky and took his chance to sniff where she dabbed on her perfume - the one he bought her Christmas. Yet another present, another reminder that she carried him with her.

"Guys, Charlotte's nearly here, and we don't need any more gross mushy stuff up in here tonight," Henry groaned, grabbing the crook of (y/n)'s arm and yanking her away, much to Ray's sorrow and disgust.

"My sweet girl!" He whimpered, reaching out to drag her back into his arms again, not ready to let go, but the kid had a weapon. Pointing the extinguisher at him, a burst of carbon dioxide pushed Ray back when it clouded his vision, and (y/n) agreed that they had to get back to work.

They'd be in the restaurant at any minute and hadn't even done a final sweep of the room to ensure everything was perfect. Her kisses could wait; Charlotte's were much more important.

"I'll see you later, Raymond. Don't miss me too much!"

"I think that's impossible, darlin'!" The hero whined, shrinking away but staring at her longingly as she passed through the soundproof curtain. Suddenly, he hated their separate jobs, wishing he could be out there with her, but he also knew he was needed at the stove, so he allowed Henry to take her. Reluctantly, and he still didn't like it.

"Remember not to use flares in the kitchen, dude!" His sidekick added, respraying the extinguisher for good measure--to ensure he didn't drag (y/n) back behind the curtain for a cuddle.

"Don't take my girl away, then!"

"She'll be here when we're done! You're the one who said she'd make the sweetest, prettiest hostess in the world!" Henry yelled back, rolling his eyes at how dramatic his boss was, but he quietly agreed that (y/n) was the perfect person for the job, no matter how shy she felt about it.

"Ha! Yeah, she is! We good, Henry!" Well, that seemed to placate him for now, or maybe the kiss (y/n) blew to him as she shut the curtain, trusting him to cook alongside Schwoz with no squabbling. Now, she and Henry could focus on their jobs, but suddenly, they realised how long they'd been behind there as they came face-to-face with an unexpected visitor.

"Whatcha got there? Soundproof curtain?" Piper asked casually, more focused on the elaborate setup she'd sneaked into the Man Cave than whatever they were doing. Her brother and friend blinked at her appearance, shocked at how she'd made it in without them knowing and with a goddamn grand piano, of all things.

"Piper?! What on Earth...?!" (y/n) gasped, watching the girl neatly arranging a group of candles on the bulky instrument's lid. God knows how it fit in the elevator, but the woman was more concerned about how...grown-up she looked.

The girl wore a long, beautiful, one-shouldered dress that wrapped around her body elegantly. She'd pinned her hair up with a few strands framing her face, did her makeup, and added some tasteful jewellery to complete the look that made her friend tear up. What happened to the little girl she once took to the movies, only to beat up The Spoiler for Captain Man?

"How'd you get this piano down here?"

"Schwoz has a thing..." Piper replied flatly, too engrossed in her preparations to spare them a glance. That answered one question, but they still had many others, especially about what she was doing during their delicate operation.

"Okay...why do you have a piano down here?" Henry asked, curious about her getup and actions because they didn't need music, and it was odd to see his baby sister looking like a movie star. That's what PearPhones and music services were for, but his questioning didn't phase her.

"This is my baby grand, baby. I'm gonna play some slow jams for tasty tips!" Piper exclaimed, still fussing over her beloved piano, making her brother and friend laugh since it wasn't the grand occasion she was portraying. She wouldn't get to play her slow jams for the masses, just two teenagers who probably wouldn't even look her way once the romance kicked in.

"It's one person coming to dinner."

"He's not a person. He's a celebrity. You wouldn't understand," the girl sneered at her brother, finally satisfied with the decorations around her small space. One last addition; she placed a glass jar on another mat, cleverly angling it so it was the closest thing to whoever walked past, and she'd even stuffed a few dollars in it to encourage more donations. Y'know, just to let people know what it was for.

"Do you even know how to play the play?" (y/n) asked, raking her gaze over the black and white ivory because it wasn't a skill she'd associated with the girl. Piper was lovely, but Photoshop and taking selfies were more her game, not classical music.

"Nobody actually knows how to play the piano, (y/n/n). I mean, look at this thing. There's, like, a million buttons," she scoffed, circling the instrument to sit on the bench, dragging her fingers across the plinky-plonky things that played pretty notes when she pressed them.

"Um, they're called keys--"

"Fortunately, my phone just has one button!" There was no room for the woman to explain when Piper tapped play on her phone, placing it on the lid so no one could tell. A soft, gentle tune filled the room, relaxing yet jaunty enough to entertain those listening, and when Piper donned her best "musician's expression", miming how they fingered the keys, it looked like she genuinely was playing.

"Okay, whatever. Just don't spoil Charlotte's date," (y/n) told her, brushing the nonexistent dust from her dress as she and Henry left her to it. Suddenly, as if they could sense her nerves, a commotion came from the elevator, signalling to the front-of-house staff that their prestigious guests had arrived.

"Holy shit--it's happening! It's happening! Okay, don't panic! Don't panic! Places, Henry, places!"

"(y/n/n), calm down! Jeez, it's just a date. How bad can it be?" Henry chuckled, soothing the woman's flapping by catching her arm and escorting her to where she'd greet the couple. He knew she cared about Charlotte - all her babies - being the romance lover she was, but getting herself into a state wouldn't help.

"Um, on my first date with Ray, I spilt wine everywhere in the fanciest restaurant in Swellview. That's how bad it can be," she replied, swallowing thickly as the elevator crashed on the bottom floor, undoubtedly giving those inside the ride of their lives.

"We're not serving wine, and besides, you've had, like, a million dates since then. You're worrying over nothing, sweet girl..." Henry told her gently, patting her gently on the back as he murmured the nickname her date had given her, only now he was her fiancé, nearly her husband.

He thought she was doing fine, so, taking a deep breath, (y/n) held her nerve and smiled brightly as the elevator opened. Piper hid her phone, exchanging a quick nod with them as she became the mild-mannered pianist in the corner, leaving them to do the talking.

Inside the elevator, Charlotte had managed to stay on her feet, having gotten used to the box's poor mechanics over the years she'd secretly worked in the Man Cave.

Even in her white, heeled boots, she didn't want to spoil her outfit, which she meticulously picked out at the mall with (y/n)'s opinion because it was cute. A stripey, yellow, white, purple, blue and black crop top and long, matching skirt hugged her lithe body as her beautifully intricate braids trailed down her back.

However, her date had not been so lucky.

"Whoa, they need to fix their elevator," Jack Swagger remarked as he stood up from the dirty floor, dusting off his leather jacket and jeans after the rough trip.

"You get used to it," Charlotte told him warmly before realising her mistake. She'd never been to this secret restaurant before--she shouldn't know what to expect--so she quickly backtracked, "I assume! If you work here--which I don't. Hey, look, a piano!"

"Nice playin'. I love a little slow jam," Jack complimented Piper as they strolled into the room, appreciating the fancy, inviting decor. Charlotte barely recognised the place and was even more surprised to see her friend tickling the keys.

"Money speaks louder than words," she replied coyly, jerking her head toward the tip jar, and with such a blatant reference - more like order - the poor boy had no choice but to get out his wallet. Unfortunately for him, all he ever carried was large bills, so Piper bagged herself a couple hundred in one go, which was when (y/n) decided to swoop in.

"Welcome to our humble restaurant. My name is (y/n), and I am the owner of this establishment. Is it a table for two tonight?"

"Yes, thank you," Charlotte nodded graciously, smiling warmly at her friend, who gave her a cheeky wink when Jack was preoccupied fishing the money from his wallet. She seemed relaxed and nervous all at once, possibly because she liked him, but she knew the risks they were taking in the Man Cave, so the woman quickly moved on.

"Certainly. We have your table ready over here," she smiled, gesturing to the neatly ornate table. She guided them over with Henry at her side, meaning neither noticed how Piper swiped her phone from its hiding spot to snap a few quick pics. None of her snooty friends believed she would meet Jack Swagger, but maybe they would when they made it to Twitflash.

"This is Henry. He will be your server for this evening," (y/n) kept smiling, even when the girl at the piano caught everyone's attention. She grinned innocently, still enthusiastically tapping away, so Charlotte and her date relaxed into their chairs, soaking in the glitzy atmosphere.

"So, what's this place called?" Jack asked the enchanting lady as the blond boy shuffled some menus.

"It's called Food."

"That's dumb," he replied, thinking she might have been pretty, but she was crap at naming things, but Henry quickly corrected him, knowing the woman had actually been pretty clever. Jack didn't know how lucky he was that Ray wasn't his waiter, knowing he'd have him against the wall by the collar if he heard him call his sweet girl dumb - celebrity status or not.

"Is it? What if I told you it's Füd, spelt with a U with two dots over it?" He suggested, handing the heartthrob a menu with the restaurant's name. Jack grinned when he saw it, loving the smiley face letter in the middle as he took the thick paper.

"See, now that's cool! Cül spelt with a U with two dots over it."

"Ha--this guy gets it. This guy gets it..." Henry giggled at the boy's humour, handing his unamused friend the second menu before he backed away.

"Yes, thank you, Henry. He'll be back in a moment to take your orders. Please, enjoy your evening..." (y/n) told them politely, slinking off after the boy so that the couple could spend their time together alone. Passing through the curtain, she could finally breathe a sigh of relief, seeing her doofus and Schwoz working peacefully and waiting for their return.

"How's it going?" Ray asked as he carefully chopped a lemon into slices, wary of getting any juice into his eye. It would accompany the appetisers they wanted to serve, and it didn't involve fire, thank goodness, but he'd been dying to poke his head through to the other room and see what was happening.

"Oh, doofus, she really likes him, and they're both so shy and sweet. It's so cute!" (y/n) squealed, trudging over to him as best she could in her high heels and throwing her arms around his neck. Perhaps her affection wasn't practical or hygienic in a culinary space, but he pulled her against his immaculate uniform, which she noticed had a new pair of white pants.

"Yeah? I'm glad it's going well, sweet girl," he replied with a bright smile, avoiding touching her body since his fingers were covered in lemon juice, but that didn't mean he couldn't bring her closer. Her lips found his jaw, smushing kisses across his cheek and neck as a rush of love and affection filled her body, spurred by the adorable date just a few metres away.

"Do you remember our first date? You looked so handsome and spoiled me like you always do...' She mumbled, unaware she was smudging lipstick across his skin, leaving greasy marks for Henry and Schwoz to tease him, but he didn't mind. He was angling his chin to give her more access, quickly turning to mush.

"I had to impress you, darlin'. Wanted to make you my girl," he replied, finding her sudden tenderness charming since she didn't usually show such physical affection so openly. It was the same when she watched her rom-coms; they encouraged her to show him how much she loved him because if others could do it, so could she.

"I was always your girl. How could I not be?" She asked, stroking his face like she was drunk, clinging to his chef whites, even though he was busy.

Whilst Schwoz seared the shrimp, Ray stepped away from his chopping board, wiped his hands on a cloth, and brought his pretty girl into his embrace, indifferent to the lipstick staining his collar. If anything, it made him proud. Henry rolled his eyes and disappeared through the curtain again, wanting to take their orders rather than see them make out, although he might get that on both sides.

Ray hummed and held her waist, indulging in her exposed back and shoulders to return the butterfly kisses on her neck, pausing only when she growled after feeling his fingers play with her zipper.

They were bordering innocence as it was, and she refused to cross the line with Schwoz in the room, despite his back being turned, so she pulled away, smirking at the mess she'd left behind, both her lipstick trail and his dilated pupils.

"You're so lovely, doofus. I was yours the minute I met you..."

Twenty minutes later, Henry had served Charlotte and her date their starters. Ever the loved-up couple they were, they'd gone with what Schwoz called his appetiser of lurveeee - a sharing platter of fried shrimp, salsa, and a little lemon for zing.

It was all perfect; after a brief, polite check to ensure everything was all right with their food, (y/n) let them be, knowing overly attentive staff were as annoying as a housefly. Not. They were left to natter and eat to the gentle music of Piper's piano/phone whilst their waiter and hostess floated around the room, definitely not keeping an eye on them.

"This place is so great. It's so private," Jack sighed as he stabbed at his food, grinning at his pretty date, who flustered under his charming gaze.

"I know. It's so annoying how everyone stares at you everywhere you go," Charlotte agreed, despite knowing her friends were behind her. They were harmless, though, unlike the legions of fans that seemed to follow Jack everywhere, and they didn't take no for an answer.

"Yeah. It's so nice down here, just the two of us..." The handsome boy sighed, leaning on the table to stare dreamily into her eyes, only to look past her shoulder to see a small group observing their table - so much for subtlety.

"And those guys over there with the hostess. Looking over her shoulder, Charlotte glared when she saw Ray, Henry and Schwoz grinning at her, with (y/n) smacking their arms for being so dumb. The genius had even brought a disposable camera to capture the cute moment forever; at least the woman tried to be sneaky, although it was hard to contain her squeals as she clutched her lover's bicep. What was that red-smudged stuff on his neck?

"Uh...don't you guys have to go cook our dinner or something?" She asked awkwardly, her back turned on Jack so she didn't see how soft and enamoured his eyes were--how much he adored her confidence and style. But (y/n) noticed, which made her want to smile, cry, and scream simultaneously.

"Dinner's in the oven."

"We're all good," the chefs replied excitedly, practically buzzing, because their little Char was on a date! It made Ray feel oddly proud, like he was watching his daughter with a boy for the first time, but when he and Henry chuckled and nudged each other, she just groaned and huffed - unimpressed with their attention.

But that wasn't so bad. The elevator dinged and opened; that was worse. Out stepped Jasper, looking rumpled and relaxed without his jacket, sleeves rolled up, and bow tie hanging around his neck. (y/n) She opened her mouth to question what he was doing, having told him to guard the store upstairs like usual, but the people following her made all the blood drain from her face.

"Right this way. Table for two," he grinned as he courteously escorted two people across the room to a free table near Charlotte and Jack. The group that stood near the curtain gawped at him as he casually sat them down, acting without permission and against the plan. Who were these people, and why were they intruding on their special night?

"Uhhh..."

"Doofus, do something!" (y/n) hissed as she stared at the new couple, who smiled back and nodded politely like nothing was wrong. This was her worst nightmare, not having to serve more diners but something happening to ruin her date night, and she noticed how the women stared at the celebrity as they strolled past. They had an agenda, and it wasn't for Schwoz's prawns.

"No! No, no, no! No, no, no!" Ray protested, trying to grab Jasper's elbow and chew his ear off, but it was useless. The kid was too caught up in his role.

"This is Henry. He'll be taking care of you this evening. This is our lovely hostess, Miss (y/l/n), and she'll sort out any problems you have. Oh, and what a treat! You get to meet our chefs!"

"First question... Do we have any food allergies I need to worry about?" Schwoz questioned the couple as if he was a caring, tentative professional willing to cook anything they wanted. That is until Ray's large hands grabbed his and Jasper's shoulder, pulling them away for a small chat.

"Give us a sec!" He requested the couple, but his voice was so tight and strained that it was more like a command. The boys gasped when he roughly dragged them into the kitchen, shoving them through the curtain so harshly that they nearly tripped, but they deserved it. Honestly, he was livid. Furious. Disappointed.

"Who are those people?!" (y/n) snapped as she followed behind, crossing her arms as she stood side by side with her doofus, practically interrogating the boy.

"I know that girl's name is Blaze because that's how she knew there was a secret restaurant down here," Jasper replied as Henry entered, frowning at the information. Was this girl psychic as well as possessing an odd name?

"What?!"

"Or her name wouldn't be Blaze," he clarified, but that didn't help. Seeing that Ray was about to rip his head off, the teen changed tactics, knowing this wasn't his fault, so he shouldn't be entirely punished.

"Also, also, also, also--Piper posted a selfie with Jack Swagger."

"Well, that's just fabulous! God knows how many people will be on their way here now..." (y/n) groaned, turning to bury her face in Ray's chest. His arms came up to hold her to him - a small comfort - but she could sense the despair radiating from him as they turned away from the group, needing a second to themselves.

"So, now the entire internet knows there's a secret restaurant underneath Junk-N-Stuff!" Schwoz added in frustration, glaring at Jasper, who didn't appear worried even though everyone blamed him for caving into the newcomers' demands. If he had just barricaded the door and said no, they wouldn't be in this mess - Ray could strangle him.

"Afraid so. I'll probably be back later with more bad news---byeeeeee!" And just like that, it was no longer his problem. Jasper disappeared through the soundproof curtain, leaving the heroes and handyman to ponder their predicament because (y/n) was right. More people would be on their way.

"I better start prepping. Henry, push the shrimp. Hard. I don't think I can get another day out of it," Schwoz instructed the boy, who exchanged a confused look with the couple because they weren't an actual restaurant. He remembered that, right?

"No, Schwoz. There won't be another day! This was supposed to be a one-night thing, not--not this!" (y/n) exclaimed as she threw her hands up to her forehead, wondering what they could do to convince everyone that their home wasn't an all-you-can-eat playground for their convenience, but Ray wanted to shout. He needed to blame someone. And he knew exactly who.

"Piper! Get in here right now!"

"It's a soundproof curtain, dude," Henry sighed, watching as he barked at the silver shroud in vain. No matter how loud he was, she'd never hear him, not that Ray wanted to give in.

"We'll see about that--Piper! Piper!"

"Raymond, she's never going to hear you. She'll be too busy schmoozing people into giving her lots of tips," (y/n) told him, coming up from behind to soothingly stroke his back to stop him from shouting. The hero huffed and faced her, shaking with anger, but he never directed it at her, his arm turning limp as she hugged it to her body.

"Well, there's a bunch of people in our Man Cave, sweet girl. You can't expect me just to stand here and not yell!--PIPER!" He replied grumpily, squeezing the hand resting on his arm before returning to his shouting. Outside, Piper continued playing, oblivious to his anger and any knowledge that she'd done anything wrong.

"Yelling won't help, doofus!"

"Well, we have to do something! It's just a matter of time before someone sticks their stupid little head through this curtain and figures out what this restaurant really is!" He argued, and for once in his life, Ray was right.

God forbid one of the diners became nosy and decided to talk to the chefs. Then, they'd see the Captain Man logo and realise they'd found his hideout, and they'd sneak around and possibly find their bedroom, and he'd lose his heaven on Earth.

"You know, the doofus may have a point..." (y/n) murmured to Henry, who looked equally serious as they wondered what to do--just as a head poked through the curtain.

"Hey, guys!" Jasper greeted his friends, scaring the shit out of them. He had more bad news, just like he said before disappearing. He looked at his best friend, who was still getting over the jump scare but was working hard and too busy to care, even when Ray glared at him for making (y/n) jump into his arms.

"Henry. Just sat your parents down at table two. It's both their birthdays," he told him, winking and clicking his tongue before vanishing into the restaurant again, leaving them to their debate. But it seemed like the news hadn't sunk in for Henry, who blinked slowly and nodded whilst the couple tensed.

"Okay, thanks, Jasper..." he smiled, looking at his boss and friend, but they looked...concerned? Well, Ray looked serious whilst (y/n) swallowed thickly, feeling her stomach drop, and it wasn't from whatever concoctions Schwoz was frying up. She hated visiting that woman, let alone seeing her anywhere else, and now, she was in her home. Oh, God--the enemy had come amongst them.

"My parents?!" Henry gasped, the realisation hitting him like he'd run into a brick wall. Terrified that they'd see him or discover he worked in the Man Cave, he dashed to poke his head through the curtain, and there they were.

Sitting by the elevator, his mom and dad were enjoying a quiet date night together--or at least, they were trying to. Any romance between Mr Hart's hawk-induced injuries and paranoia was hard to find. And, dear God, she looked beautiful. The ever-lovely Mrs Hart sitting back and frowning at her uninterested husband, but even with the sourpuss face, she looked radiant.

And if that wasn't bad enough, Jasper appeared again, ferrying yet more guests into the restaurant, which, unfortunately for them, was at full capacity. Not one to send hungry - well, thirsty - teenage girls away, Jasper made do with spreading a blanket out for them to sit on, but they didn't mind because they just wanted to stare at Jack Swagger.

Suddenly, he and Charlotte felt like goldfish in a glass bowl, looking out at the world as it observed their every move and took a million pics.

"Are your parents really here?" Ray asked as the kid retreated, having seen enough to know the date was quickly heading into disaster.

"Yes," he confirmed, and that designated an emergency for Ray. And what do emergencies call for? Flares. Pulling one from his back pocket, he bit the cap off in his usual fashion, thinking they could flash their way to safety, only for (y/n) to snatch it off him.

"Stop that, doofus! No more flares!" She scolded him, yanking the flare off him and dunking it in a big pot of soup or something similar. She gave him a sharp look with the potential fire put out but returned to his side, thinking things couldn't get worse.

"Also, Jasper keeps bringing in more people!" And it got worse.

"Ayyyy, what are we gonna do?!" Schwoz panicked, thinking they were screwed since they'd eventually run out of room, and there'd only be one place for people to go.

"Well, there's only one thing we can do..." (y/n) sighed, rapidly forming a plan that even Gordon Ramsay would be proud of. Anything to save the restaurant she'd never wanted in the first place, but perhaps they could keep the last few scraps of Charlotte's date.

However, Ray saw things differently, and his idea was a tad more...final. Thinking this was the end, he took his last resort, tearing his chef's jack open in an insanely hot tug, revealing the circle of flares he'd taped to his stomach over his undershirt. So that's where he kept getting them from.

"We burn this place to the ground," he growled, never taking his dark eyes off his sweet girl, even as his white buttons flew everywhere, and she gulped at the small peeks of his bulging muscles.

"You and I retire, darlin'. We move to a quiet house in the middle of nowhere, have four kids, and never have to think about this again. Just say the words, and I'm yours..."

"Okay, just let me gather some precious photos..." Schwoz sighed, thinking he was moving too, but Ray wrinkled his nose. Er, no; his happily ever after didn't involve Schwoz living in, and he'd had enough of that for the past God knows how many years. Just him and his, hopefully, wife, who'd sort of short-circuited.

"No, no, no, no! Thanks for the offer, doofus, but we can't ruin this date for Charlotte, okay? Maybe in a few years..." She smiled at him gently, sweeping her hands over his chest as he huffed in disappointment, knowing his dream was still out of reach. Getting closer, but not here yet.

"We've got to keep cooking and convince these people this is a real restaurant."

"(y/n) is right. We have to do this for Charlotte," Schwoz agreed, thinking he'd never forgive himself if he let the girl down, knowing he could've done something. She'd look back on tonight and cry, something he couldn't stand, not when she saw this Jack boy once in a blue moon.

"And then, tomorrow, we'll just say it's closed forever."

"Because of a fire!" Ray smirked, pulling yet another flare from the collection on his waist and lighting it. His eyes trained on the flame, making him seem like a pyromaniac, given how obsessed he appeared to be with them tonight.

"A fake fire!" (y/n) corrected, confiscating the stick and sticking it where she left the old one. The noise of the flames sizzling out made Ray pout and punch his bottom lip, but she was a girl on a mission, and as adorable as he was, she wouldn't let her ship sink.

"But tonight...we're gonna give those people the best and only dinner service of our lives. Who's me with?"

"I'm in. Let's do this for Charlotte!" Schwoz exclaimed enthusiastically, beaming at the woman as she held out her hand to pile them up. Henry added his hand to the stack with a determined nod, ready to do anything for his friend in her hour of need, and Ray...well, he wasn't a big romance guy, not when it came to other people.

"And fire!" At least he had spirit? But when his support included adding a lit flare to the pile - above the boy and genius's very burnable flesh, (y/n) drew the line. He was pushing his luck tonight...

"Ayyyy!"

"Doofus! What did I say?"

"Oh, I'm sorry..." Ray muttered, hating her disappointed look, so he quickly licked his palm and stubbed out the flare, but she hated that just as much. Absolutely, it hurt him, and whilst they annoyed her, she couldn't bear that.

"Just...behave yourself, you big doofus..."

"Around you? Oh, I don't think I can do that, sweet girl." She could smack that smirk off his face, swat the hand on her butt, and tell him to get to work. But if she was completely honest, she couldn't behave herself either. Not when he had his arms out and lips leaning down to find hers.

She still made them work hard, though. With Henry cranking up the boom box, the hostess with the most-ess told her chefs and waiter to cook like they'd never cooked before, to bang out every order on time, hot and perfect, and you know what? They did as she asked.

On her whistle and command, the boys ran to their stations; a literal fire lit under Ray's ass as he struck another flare, but she didn't have the time or patience to tell him off again. It was go, go, go, and if pyrotechnics made him work faster, she didn't care.

(y/n) called out the orders. Schwoz was on salads. Henry was on sauces. Ray was doing God knows what--dancing or some shit, but they made a good team, caramelising dishes with more flares, chopping vegetables like it was Kill Bill, and taking the heat like there was no pressure at all.

It was hot, stressful work, and (y/n) had to dab her doofus' brow numerous times, bribing him with kisses every time he scored a victory whilst the diners relaxed outside. They weren't rebelling and demanding the head chef's head yet, so the team ploughed on, seasoning tray bakes and tossing noodles all over the stove.

Ray would be the one cleaning that up.

They even took the time to properly salt a sliced filet mignon, scattering the tiny crystals high over the meat like true connoisseurs, echoing some old meme or something.

Ultimately, it turned into a game, and as the final dish went into the oven, things began to get out of hand. Ray would've killed them if she didn't spot him in time, playing with flares again as Henry and Schwoz tasted their secret sauce.

The hostess told him off for that, but she couldn't talk when they sloped off for five minutes to have a quiet word against the fridge. Henry wasn't sure how much talking was done, but he was confident (y/n) wouldn't say much with Ray's tongue down her throat.

"Is that everything?" She asked when everything was finally cooked, plated and ready to go. They had sixteen plates for sixteen hungry mouths, and it was quite the balancing act getting them to fit in their arms, but they made it work. Tonight, they all pitched in, from the glamourous leading lady to the scrawny waiter.

"Yeah, we're ready," Henry nodded, loading up his last plate in the crook of his arm. This was it, the opening and ending night of Füd, and it couldn't come soon enough. With a final nod, Ray pushed through the curtain, smiling brightly as they followed and tried not to drop the food. That would be a disaster, but not as bad as what was - or wasn't - in front of them.

"Dinner is ser--" They announced, but it died when they looked across the room to see no one. Literally, not a single soul.

Earlier, they'd had a full house, a restaurant filled with happy, hungry, beaming customers, yet now it was like a ghost town - tables abandoned like there'd been a mad rush for the exits. And suspiciously, the only thing left that symbolised life had ever been there was a single, spotted, grey feather.

"Where did all the peoples go?" Schwoz asked in horror, a cocktail of emotions swirling inside him as the suspicion that all their hard work was for nothing grew.

"Looks like they left," Henry said, observing the crinkled tablecloths and crooked cutlery, which showed the diners sat there once.

"Blinding observation..." (y/n) deadpanned, throwing him a dry countenance because they could see that.

"Rude..." Ray remarked, feeling like a moron as they stood there holding enough food to feed an army, but the military had buggered off. He'd paid a lot of money for this service, and they'd just left...gutted was the word he'd use, especially since he'd given up a night in bed to cook.

"That is rude, doofus. What do we do now?" The woman pouted, thinking all their effort was for nothing - failure wasn't something she was used to. She was (y/n), the girl who got As in every test, won every award going and planned everything perfectly, but there she was. Plates full of delicious food and no one to eat it. It sucked, and Ray couldn't stand to see her sad.

"Let's hit the showers," he suggested, which was the perfect suggestion for the boys. Without a care in the world, they threw their dishes on the floor, not bothered if the food smushed into the carpets or if the porcelain shattered across the floor to all corners of the room.

"Doofus! Henry! Schwoz!" (y/n) gasped, shocked at the bold move as they ruined her beautifully clean floors, but when she moved to tell him he was sleeping on the couch for the next year, Ray already had a plan.

A sharp smack landed on her ass, making her squeak and jolt, shocking the plates out of her arms too, and when they hit the ground, she became one of them. Her cheeks felt like they were on fire, watching as Schwoz waddled to the showers whilst Ray curled an arm around her shoulders, looking like the cat who got the cream now that she was free to slip out of that dress.

"Stop!" Henry complained, feeling like he needed to scrub the inside of his eyelids as the couple walked off. He'd never get that image out of his head, but Ray didn't give a shit. There was only one thing he wanted to get out: his sweet girl out of her gown and into his bed.

"Stop!" He begged them, reluctantly trailing the couple, meaning he had to watch his boss' hand slip down the woman's back, heading further south, millimetre by millimetre.

"Love is in the air, Henry!" Ray called out, happily guiding his sweet girl to the shower block, and he only focused on the kid because he loved winding him up. Did he know by now that it was physically impossible for him to do that?

"Yeah, well, Love should keep his hands to himself..."

"Don't say that. It's literally how we ended up here in the first place. You know I find him irresistible," (y/n) joined in, stopping her doofus in the hallway so she could give her lover a quick smooch--so that Henry had to freeze and hear the kissy-kissy noises.

The sound of his retching made them laugh, teasing that he did the same with all the girlfriends he went through, but the kid argued it wasn't the same. No one ever compared to their relationship, and Henry could honestly say that he expected them to last forever. That's what they had - forever and ever and ever.

Ray and (y/n) - it had a timeless ring to it.

"And you know she's the only girl for me..."

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