#I took these for my birthday Wednesday and forgot to post

[prodagustd]

I think he knows | myg

Summary: You knew that Yoongi liked the angel costume you were wearing for the birthday party, but he seemed to be too.. into you that night? You could help but asking yourself, was Yoongi jealous?

This is part two of so it goes: series masterlist

<part one part three>

—pairing: rapper!yoongi x reader

—rating: +18

—genre: friends with benefits (kind of? they're in love) to lovers, lots of fluff!!, smut.

—warnings/tags: grinding, unprotected sex, hickeys, riding, dom!yoongi (i guess), emotional constipation, jealousy, oc gets kind of sad 😫. etc etc etc

—words: 11.2k (whattttttt??)

a/note: hiii!! i finally get to post part two of so it goes, I'm so happy to share it but scared at the same time. I struggled a lot writing this so bare with me I wanted to show yoongi and the oc's relationship when they're not alone and to write the oc's feelings, it got this long at the end but give it a chance. I already started writing the next part so let me know what you think about this one, feedback is appreciated :) and again if you want to join the taglist, send me a message or comment this post.

The lights were off, the only thing that lit up the room  were the party lights that Nayeon bought to celebrate her birthday party. You were sitting on the couch around your friends when you looked at Yoongi, dressed like Tony Montana, leaned against the wall with crossed arms. He was wearing a whole white suit with a red shirt underneath, you found yourself wanting to take off his jacket, maybe his shirt and pants too, but he looked so good you might as well make him keep them on. 

You know him too well, he shot you a look that could only mean one thing. 

‘Come. Here.’ His eyes said, but you shook your head just to annoy him.

‘Come get me.’

It's his turn to shake his head in disapproval. You would be lying if you said that you weren’t thinking the same thing as him, you got maybe too intoxicated in his cologne when he arrived at your apartment and he whispered in your ear that he didn’t know if he could control himself if you were wearing that white mini skirt. Yes, you knew that Yoongi liked the angel costume and white corset you chose, you knew he got a little turned on when he saw you wearing fake angel wings and lip gloss, but he seemed to be… maybe too into you that night? He couldn’t stop looking at you from across the room, and when he was next to you he kept his hand on your waist, bringing you closer and closer to him. You saw him walking towards you, he offered his hand and you took it. You both laughed like you shared a secret and  guided you to your room as if you didn’t know the way. Then, the question you tried to avoid all night popped in your head once again, was Yoongi jealous?

It all started when he was sitting on his studio chair, his phone rang three times receiving a chain of cryptic messages sent by you.

[Baby]: Friday night, you and me.

[Baby]: My place.

[Baby]: Bring a costume.

[Yoongo]: roleplay?

[Baby]: ????

[Baby]: No??? 

[Baby]: Nayeon's birthday party, she invited you. I forgot to tell you, you have to bring a costume. 

[Yoongo]: i don't have a costume

[Baby]: Then get one, big boy.

[Yoongo]: it's not even halloween ? 

He waited for your answer but you didn’t reply. He stared at the “Seen at 4:12 pm” on his phone screen, leaving him talking alone.

Two days passed since you sent those messages when he opened the door of his apartment on a wednesday and you were already there, on his couch watching A Cinderella Story.

“Maybe giving you the key was a bad idea.” Yoongi said, taking his shoes off. Except for that night last month, he thought, when you waited for him on his bed wearing lingerie, but that was a whole different discussion.

Yoongi walked towards you and you made space for him on the couch.

"Did you think about your costume?" You asked, ignoring him, going straight to the point. 

"Can I go without one?" 

"Nayeon is gonna be pissed at you if you go without one. You would be the only one." 

Your flatmate and Yoongi got along pretty well, Nayeon liked him as long as he treated you right and Yoongi had learnt to like her, he couldn't understand how you, two completely different people, were best friends. She was too energetic, almost chaotic, and talked all the time, when you were more quiet and timid. In the last seven months Yoongi got used to spending time with Nayeon when he was at your apartment, and he was fine with it, until that led to him to wear a costume for her birthday party. 

"Who's going, anyway?" He asked. 

"A bunch of people. Jungkook, Eric, Yongsung, Kevin..." You started to list all of your friend’s names, but Yoongi stopped listening when he heard that name. Suddenly, the idea of going to the party didn’t sound so bad.

"What are you wearing?" Getting closer to you, he put his arm around your shoulder, pressing your body against his.

"I was thinking about an angel costume." You answered, playing with the straps of his black hoodie. 

"Mmm... like a Victoria's Secret angel?" He asked, kissing you softly for the first time that night. 

"No, but if you wear a costume I can be one for you by the end of the night." 

Then, Yoongi started to think of a costume.

Now you were there, just a few seconds away from disappearing in your room with him, but the question still hung in the air. 

Earlier that night, he arrived and gave Nayeon the present you bought together. It was just a simple silver ring with a beautiful stone on top of it, but you knew your friend would love it when you picked it. Then, people started to arrive and your apartment started to get full. How many people did Nayeon invite? How were all those people going to fit in your tiny place? She didn’t care, she was already dancing in the living room under the green and purple lights, it wasn’t her fault that everywhere she went, she made a new friend. 

Nayeon was your best friend and you loved her, you agreed with her when she proposed to wear matching outfits —she was wearing a red dress and red horns, dressed as a devil—, you helped her with the snacks and to decorate the place. It wasn’t a big deal, you loved doing things for her, especially on her birthday. When she started to move her hips towards you as Super Bass by Nicki Minaj started playing, you tried to draw the line and say no to her. You failed. 

“There’s no right way to dance to this, please.” You whined in embarrassment as you tried to follow her steps, she grabbed your hands and brought you closer to her, guiding you to a ridiculous dance. You knew your face was red, but Nayeon’s happy face was enough for you  to ignore it. 

“I know you loved this song!” She said.

“I love a bunch of songs,” you said over the music. “I don’t dance to all of them,”

That didn’t stop her to force you to keep dancing, her dance moves were ridiculous, but you looked more stupid trying to follow her.  

The song was about to end when you felt two strong arms wrap around your waist, suddenly you were being dragged away from your friend, who looked behind you, faking an upset grin.

“Sorry,” Yoongi’s deep voice resonated behind you. “you already got your share of her. It’s my turn now.”

“But it’s my birthday!” She complained.

“Not in South America.” He replied, making Nayeon roll her eyes. Classic Yoongi. 

He spinned you until you were facing him, grabbing your hips and pulling you closer to him. When a slow r&b song started, you remembered one thing about Nayeon: she didn’t know how to make a playlist, let alone a party playlist. It was either have her phone connected to the speakers Jungkook lent her, or pay an expensive dj (that was her excuse). But the song was fine, it worked.

“Is Min Yoongi taking me to dance?” You wrapped your arms around his neck and he placed his hands on your lower back, making you feel butterflies when he slowly started dancing with you “Are you trying to seduce me?” 

You saw his gaze traveling from your eyes to your lips and back to your eyes again, he lowered himself, you parted your lips just waiting for him, but he pulled back. 

“I don’t need to do that, I already did it” 

He swung from side to side to the rhythm of the music, grabbing your hips so you could move alongside him. Neither you or him were the type to dance at parties, both were too aware of people around you, but maybe if you pretended that it was just you and him, it wasn't so bad. 

Yoongi was taller than you and most of the time, when you were that close to him, you had to lift your head to look him in the eye. If you didn’t, the only thing you could see was his chest. And in that moment it was hard not to think of it  when it was right in front of you. 

You tried not to laugh at the thought, if you told Yoongi all the tiny things about him that turned you on he would laugh too, he would tease you about it every time he had the chance. You liked to think that you keep those things as a secret, from his exposed chest to way he pressed his fingertips on your hips, the kind of things that weren’t necessarily sexual but made your stomach flip. You liked when he stroked your hair a certain way and how deep his voice got in the morning, when he was driving or when he lay down on the bed and put his hands under his head, flexing his arms.

You snapped out of your thoughts when you felt his hands on your face, making you look at him. You could notice that it was hard for Yoongi to make eye contact, and you liked looking at him until he ran away from your gaze. Sometimes you think that Yoongi doesn’t like eye contact because maybe if you looked into his dark eyes for long enough, you would discover a secret. In that moment, you thought that you were about to do it. 

“You look hot.” You confessed to him, but he scoffed at the compliment. 

“Do you think?” 

“Yeah, I thought you weren’t going to make an effort. Like Jungkook.”

You looked at your best friend as leaning on the wall, dressed in blue boxing shorts and a black tshirt, his blue boxing gloves hanging around his neck. That wasn’t a costume, that was just Jungkook on a tuesday. 

“What’s up with him, by the way?” He asked, whispering in your ear in case your best friend might hear him. “I saw him glued to his phone since I arrived.”

“Oh you know…” you sighed “ladies problems, I think.” 

“Is he fighting?” 

Yoongi was one nosy bitch. 

“Not at all, I think he wanted to invite her or something, but he didn’t.” You ran your fingertips on the hair of his neck, watching how a little smile appeared on his face as he observed Jungkook typing on his phone. “Don’t you dare…” You warned him, making him pay attention to you again. 

“What?” He asked, playing dumb.

“Don’t tell him that I told you.” You clarified. Sometimes it seemed like Yoongi’s only purpose in life was to tease poor Jungkook. 

“Why do you always think bad about me?” He whined, his lips forming a pout. 

“I don’t! But I know you want to. You’re gonna get me in trouble.” Standing in your tiptoes, you kissed away that ridiculous pout on his mouth. 

When the room started getting too hot, you took Yoongi to the little balcony your place had. It was small but it had a view of the campus and the dark sky. Then again, for the second time that night you felt Yoongi’s arms hugging your back.That was maybe one of the first clues you got that night, it was rare for him to do things like that in public. Usually, you were the one who showered him in kisses or hugged him in places that weren’t his bedroom. A tiny you was dancing of happiness in your stomach, wanting to turn around and steal a kiss from his lips. But the other tiny you, the rational one, was telling you not to get used to that kind of stuff, they never lasted for you. 

You tried to shut her up, turning around to see Yoongi’s smirk plastered on his face. 

“You are going to ruin my wings if you keep doing that.” You warned him. 

“Okay… I prefer you like this anyway.” He leaned forward  to leave a short kiss on your collarbone. It was a cold night and you weren’t wearing much clothing, but that wasn’t what sent a chill to your spine. “And I like your wings.” 

“They look good, don’t they? The lady in the store thought they were for a kid! I didn’t tell her they were for me.” 

“If I have to guess, she supposed that because only kids dress up?” He tried to annoy you, still opposed to the whole costume party thing. 

“Don’t you know what fun is, Sir?” You teased him, tilting your head. 

“I know what fun is. I am a fun guy.” He defended himself. 

“Debatable. But you showed up today and I must say this, no because of the nature of the relationship we share, but because I mean it, you must have the best costume tonight.” 

“Wait, what’s the nature of our relationship?” A cocky smirk tugged from the corners of his lips, pulling you closer, if that was possible. 

“Shut up, that’s why I can never compliment you.”

“Tell me baby, will the nature of our relationship get me a pass for going to sleep instead of cleaning tonight?” He asked. 

“Don’t even think about it” You said, shaking your head. “You get no privileges, you and Jungkook are helping me. God knows how drunk Nayeon will get.” 

Yoongi laughed and didn’t argue with you anymore, but his question stayed in your head for a few seconds, and the word ‘relationship’ almost vanished into thin air, creating a cloud above your head, you blamed yourself for using it.

Sometimes you thought you were so awkward, you didn’t know how Yoongi was never capable of seeing it. You said things and then immediately regretted it, wondering if he thought you were getting too attached to him. 

You hardly ever lied to yourself, you could never escape the giant monster of your thoughts and you always had to deal with the truth. It was difficult to accept it, but carrying with the feelings you had for the man in front of you was worse. 

Seven months after meeting Yoongi you found yourself in this place, with his arms wrapped around your waist at the birthday party of one of your best friends. Almost all your friends knew him, all of them liked him, and you were happy to say that all of his friends thought the same about you.

For a second, you asked yourself how was the image that he had of you, did he really think you were built for that? You saw yourself as a person who could never go against her own feelings, you knew that if you feel something it’s better not to suppress it. Since the day Yoongi kissed you in his car you knew that if you developed feelings for him, you were screwed.

And screwed you were. 

The human being is not so complex, and you thought that you were the least complex human being to ever exist. You saw yourself as weak and if someone was staring at you the way Yoongi was doing right now, you would fall. 

You tried not to melt at his fond dark eyes, he was way too close to your face, making you nervous. Why was he making you nervous? Was it his gaze or the way his hands were tied together on your lower back? Or was it the way you were caged between him and the urging feeling to spit certain three words on his face? 

Lately you felt like you and Yoongi stared at each other from across the room like you share a secret together, and it was a matter of time until one of you screamed it. The thing was, you believed your secret was not the same as his. 

“What?” You asked when the silence and his gaze upon you were too much to bear. 

“I have something for you.” He confessed.You watched his eyes fly to another place that was not your face, escaping from it. 

“Like what?” His eyes come back to you to stare at your rosy cheeks and glossy lips curved into a tiny smirk, almost inviting him to bite them. Instead, he bit his own, holding himself back. 

“Like a present.” Yoongi answered like it’s nothing but you knew he expected you to be surprised. You lift your eyebrows, satisfying him. “What is that face? Is it impossible to believe I wanted to give my girl a present?” 

Then, your stomach turned upside down, you were sure your cheeks were burning red and the tiny you (the one who didn’t give a fuck) screamed so loud that you were afraid he might have heard her. 

“No, I just thought you were going to say something inappropriate.” You tried to play cool. You failed, making Yoongi throw his head back and laugh at you, shaking his shoulders.

“What did you say?” He teased you “Inappropriate? Do you think I say inappropriate things?” He made emphasis on the word every time it rolled out of his tongue. 

“Oh my god, shut up!”

“I don’t think you thought I say inappropriate things the other night when you told me… mmm, what was what you told me?” 

Your eyes popped open when you realized what he was trying to say, putting a hand on his mouth before he could answer his own question. “Stop it…”

“I don’t want to.” He whispered, almost daring you to make him say whatever he was going to say next. You were wrong, Yoongi’s only purpose in life was not just  to tease Jungkook, but you as well. 

“You’re mean. I want to know what it is.” 

“Just for that you have to wait.” He said and you rolled your eyes. “But I like when you use funny words.” 

Breaking news: Yoongi was soft. Was this a secret? Not to you at least, but you could tell.  Not only because he bought you a present, not only because he grabbed your face and left little pecks on your lips until he thought they were enough.

You didn’t make Yoongi vulnerable, you just showed him that it was okay to be vulnerable with you. 

Between giggles and short kisses, you felt like you were alone again, until Jungkook entered the balcony with a bottle of beer in one hand. He stared at both of you, not really looking guilty for interrupting the moment. 

“You guys should get a room.” He joked as he leaned on the railings of the balcony. “No funny business in public, that’s what I say.” 

“What’s up, kid?” Yoongi asked him, not taking his hands off you. “Are you jealous because your girlfriend couldn’t come?” 

Your eyes snapped at Yoongi the second the question slipped out of his mouth. You hit his shoulder, regretting ever telling him about Jungkook’s not-girlfriend. Jungkook’s eyes moved like ping pong balls, they went from you to Yoongi and back to you again. 

“What? Did you tell him?” Your poor friend looked at you like you betrayed him. You felt guilty for a second, but to be honest, he was a little bit… dramatic, and Yoongi laughing in the back knew it. 

“It was an accident! You never told me not to tell anybody.”

“But you should have known!” He argued. 

“How could I!?” 

“You just… should have?” Jungkook’s expression changed to a calm one, realizing you are right, he never told you to keep the secret, but he can’t help to be a little upset at Yoongi for reminding him that his not-girlfriend was at her house instead of being there with him. 

“You are like two old ladies.” He said drinking from the bottle “Always gossiping.”

You and Yoongi gasped, looking at each other like Jungkook insulted the both of you.

“We weren’t gossiping!” You tried to defend the man beside you and yourself “I mentioned it to him and he didn’t know.”

You were totally gossiping. 

“Anyway…” Jungkook said, sighing in defeat  “I didn’t know if she wanted to come.”

Yoongi and you share glanzes, knowing it was really easy to make Jungkook talk, it was really easy to make him forget that you told Yoongi at least. 

He couldn’t be mad at that though, in the back of his mind he knew that telling you something automatically meant that he was telling Yoongi too. 

“Why do you think that?” Yoongi asked,

“I don’t know, what if she is not interested in meeting my friends?”

“Oh my god, Jungkook. She’s probably right now at home wondering why you didn't introduce her to your friends already.” You said like it was obvious. Been there, done that. But it didn’t seem obvious to him, Jungkook snapped his eyes at you like he just remembered you were a girl too. In that moment, his mind made a strange connection; if you were a girl, you must know every girl’s secret. 

He took a step forward, now interested in the conversation. 

“How do you know that?”

It was difficult to make a guy understand that kind of stuff, so you took a second to think about it. 

“Think it this way, okay?” You started, now you had two pairs of eyes paying attention to you. Yoongi listened to you like you’re about to reveal a code from the secret book of girls. “Imagine it’s friday, you don’t have any plans except for playing games until you pass out. You text your girl, ask her what is she doing tonight and she tells you she’s going to a party. She tells you everything about it but doesn’t ask you to go with her, you stay at home playing fortnite with… Seokjin? How would you feel?”

“Terrible.” The answer that came out of Jungkook’s mouth was automatic, his eyes were filled with horror. Again, Jungkook was dramatic after all. 

“Well, I don’t know her to say that she would feel terrible, but I would be kinda bothered.”

“Would you?” Yoongi asked. You looked at him, trying to imagine a scenario where that situation happened to you. You think of the Yoongi of the past, and the way all the pretty girls throw themselves at him at parties. But you also think of the Yoongi in the present, the one whose arms are wrapped around your waist. Mmmm… You would be bothered anyway.

“I mean… Yes, I think so” You answered. He just nodded, looking like he just did a mental note. “Next time, invite her.” You said now to Jungkook. 

He answered a short “I will” and started typing on his phone again, his presence becoming unnoticeable. Yoongi’s lips were curled in a tiny smirk when you body returned to his arms. 

“Are you sure you’re not majoring in psychology or something?”

“Are you implying that next to him I look like a psychology major? That’s kinda rude, bubba.” You said, making him laugh. “But no, men are too dumb to notice what’s in front of them sometimes, especially Jungkook when it comes to girls.” 

You remembered the first time Yoongi introduced you to his friends, you had already met Hoseok and Namjoon, met Seokjin at an event that Jungkook invited you to, but you never met his other friends, the ones who weren’t  from work or famous. 

One night he invited you to meet two of them, Minho and Jinyoung. You thought about the way he introduced you, just saying your name, not “this is my friend” or “this is my girlfriend”, just your name. You never expected him to give you a title, at that time it was okay, and his friends never asked about it. They were friendly and they seemed to like you. Yoongi cooked for the four of you and throughout the night they kept sharing stories about their teen years, asking you about your years in high school too. Yoongi couldn’t erase the smile off his face, he was happy and so were you. By the time they left his apartment he was a bit drunk, so you took him to bed and said goodbye to Minho and Jinyoung. When you were on the bed about to fall asleep he slurred a sweet ‘thank you’ and told you that he could tell that his friends loved you. 

“Do you think so?” You had asked him.

“Yes.” He confirmed “You’re easy to love.” 

Yoongi fell asleep right away, but you stayed awake for another half an hour after that. The warm memory of that night came back like a sweet kiss on the cheek, feeling like you were on top of the world. 

Yoongi stayed on the balcony talking with Jungkook, you see him through the glass as you sit on the couch next to your friends.  It was endearing to watch them together, when Yoongi took Jungkook under his label he promised all the good things to him, and in a couple months he managed to keep those promises. You appreciated that, before Yoongi, Jungkook tried so hard to make his dream of being a singer come true, but he always found complications along the way, making him come back to square one over and over again. When he told you that Yoongi had signed him, you were as happy as him. You believed that Yoongi saw Jungkook the same way that you did, both of you believed in him. 

You were talking with your friend from class, Yongsung, when your gaze got blocked by someone who sat in between you two. 

“What do you think?” Kevin asked, making you judge his costume “Do I pass?” He was wearing just a white shirt and black pants, in his collar was tied a short cape and on the corner of his lips there was fake blood, he was a vampire. You and Yongsung analized his outfit, it was simple but it worked. 

“Basic.” Yongsung answered, “But you pass.”

“Basic?” Kevin repeated like he was offended. “I’m doing my best here.”

“If that’s your best, I don’t want to see your worst.”

“I think you look great.” You said so you could stop them from fighting “At least you dressed up, I’ve seen some guys who didn’t. Nayeon said that if she saw someone without a costume she would kick them out.”

“Did she?” Yongsung asked.

“She didn’t, but she wanted to.”

You spent a few minutes talking with them, judging people’s outfits like yours weren’t the cheapest thing you could find in the store, but it was fun and you didn’t know most of them, you wondered if Nayeon did. 

You were closer to Yongsung, you had known her for a few years and you shared almost all your classes with her. With Kevin too, but he was barely a new friend. You had a suspicion that he didn’t see you like that, but a potential-something-else.

You met Kevin a few months ago, at a time when you felt like you had no control over your mind and heart. It was after you failed an important exam and he offered to help you for the next one. You appreciated it, but the only thing that made the sadness go away that week was a hug from the man in the red shirt outside. 

You remember that week, it was the beginning of winter when he gave you his number and a warm smile, promising you that no one died because of a failed exam, it was hard to believe him. Your mind was tired after studying all those weeks, your heart was tired too, but for another reason: you were in love with a man who didn’t want to be in love, how bad was that?

Transitioning those days with only questions filling your mind after admitting the truth to the mirror, wondering what you were supposed to do, tell him? leave him? stay quiet and pretend everything was okay? The last option was the one you thought was the most effective, but it was not. Everytime you looked at Yoongi you felt like you were at home, how could you run away from him? How could you stay? 

Yes, Kevin was nice, funny, charming and handsome, but the tiny you inside your mind couldn’t help but scream: He is not Yoongi!

You had already declined the subtle invitations of Kevin to hangout, you liked him but as a friend, were you clear enough? It was like you had the spot saved for another person but you weren’t sure if that person wanted that spot, it felt stupid. 

The consequences of your choice of pretending everything was okay were slowly taking over, but you didn’t realize until Kevin started to flirt with you right under the gaze of Yoongi, who stared at you from the balcony: he put his arm on the side of the couch, almost rounding your shoulders, a friendly gesture, but you knew better “You look great, too.” he said in a low voice, like no one was supposed to hear that, except you.

But let’s get things straight: Kevin didn’t know about Yoongi, unlike everyone else, your other friends knew he was your not-boyfriend and that things were… complicated? He was not your boyfriend but you were exclusive? If you were to explain that to Kevin he would laugh, he didn’t need to know, you wanted to keep things private, not everyone needed to know about your sex life, especially not the guy who joined the group two months ago. 

It was simple for him, you didn’t have a boyfriend? You were single, how could that be complicated?

“Thank you, I improvised. If it were my choice, I would have chosen another outfit, but Nayeon insisted. You know how she is, she likes to be in control all the time. Her rising sign is virgo.” You started to rant, feeling like he was getting too close to you. It was a habit of yours that you could never get rid of, if you were nervous, you started to talk to fill all the silent gaps. 

“Yeah? What’s your rising sign?” He asked curious, Kevin didn’t know shit about astrology. 

You never really had a serious relationship until your last (and first) ex, but growing up you had a large group of female friends who shared with you every single thing about their relationships with their boyfriends. If there was a secret book of girls, it would have been written by you. Somehow, you had learnt how to read men, they were basic and all of them reacted the same way to the same things, they said the same things, did the same things, and flirted the same way. It was the first time you perceived Kevin as part of those men, when he got closer and started getting bolder. Was this the same Kevin from class? Or this was the beer taking place instead of him? 

“Uh… Cancer…” You said trying to pay attention to anything except his eyes. 

Rule number one: Men have this misconception when they’re flirting, they think that if you stare at them long enough, it means you want to kiss them. If you don’t, avoid their eyes!

“What does it mean?” He kept asking. 

“I don’t really know, I’m sensitive I think, that’s what Nayeon says, she knows a lot about that stuff. By the way, did you give her a present?” 

A tip that can be useful: try to make them remember that you are friends. 

“Uh… No… Do you think that I should have…?” Accidentally, you crossed eyes with him again, he was giving you one of the most radiant smiles you’ve ever seen. Kevin was really beautiful, you know he has like a thousand girls waiting for him to take them out, but you weren’t one of them. Sometimes you wonder if your heart would have felt something for him if it wasn’t so in love with another man. 

“Maybe you should have, Nayeon loves presents.”

“What did you give her?” 

You looked at him hoping that he didn’t notice how your mind flew directly to the day you picked Nayeon’s present with Yoongi, you had the idea and he knew a place. The image of Yoongi standing outside the apartment with the present on his hands earlier that night flashed your thoughts. You smiled, and Kevin wanted to believe you were smiling because of him. You weren’t. 

“A ring, she’s into that.” 

He nodded, looking at the tiny space in the couch that separated you from him, you were a few centimeters close to make him think that you liked him a bit more than you did.

“That’s nice…” He said, hesitant. You played with your fingers, already choosing the blurt of words you were going to say before he said something you didn’t want to hear. But he was too quick “So, I know you have a few days free, huh?”

Yes, you had a few days free, but they were occupied by Yoongi’s birthday. 

The question faded in the air as you connected your eyes with his dark gaze outside. His eyes went from you to the masculine arm resting on your side of the couch. It was nothing, yet, Yoongi could notice. 

A light bulb went on in your head when you remembered rule number two: sometimes men will stop insisting when they know you have a boyfriend. Was it sexist? Yes, it was. Was Yoongi your boyfriend? No, he wasn’t. But it could work.

“Have you met Yoongi?” You answered with another question, trying not to feel bad for ignoring him. You invited him inside with a simple hand gesture, Yoongi didn’t hesitate to start  walking towards the window, he opened and entered inside, Then, you looked at poor Kevin again, who was waiting for an answer.

“Yoongi?” Kevin repeated with eyebrows furrowed, but his eyes shifted to the man next to you when he noticed his presence. 

“That would be me.” He said sitting next to you and grabbing your waist to pull you closer to him, leaving his hand in that place for so long that you felt like it was burning through your clothes.

That was another clue. 

You could describe Yoongi listing the things that he was and the things that he was not: Yoongi was  talented, funny, a little bit grumpy, passionate and kind. Yoongi was not selfish, not picky, not ungrateful, not jealous. That’s what you would answer if someone were to ask you a few days before that night, but now you were a little unsure about that last one. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Kevin.” He introduced himself, as his arm dropped from the side of the couch you felt like something in the room shifted. 

“Oh, yeah. I think she mentioned you once.”  

Yoongi was polite too, but today was the exception. No hello, no nice to meet you, just a “she mentioned you once”, talking like you had to read between lines. Lucky for you, you were an expert in all Yoongi things. 

Translator of Yoongi: “she mentioned you once” meaning “She said your name once, but you aren’t important enough to be mentioned twice.”

What you didn’t expect though, was what Kevin was about to say next. 

“I see, she never mentioned you” The words came out of his mouth almost hesitantly, like he tried not to sound so bitter but he did anyway. The worst part was that he was right, you never mentioned Yoongi to Kevin. 

You expected that he would finish the sentence with something else but he didn’t, that was it. Silence for the longest five seconds of your life. But Yoongi was smart, scoffing at him like he just told a silly joke, the grip he had on your waist became firmer. You feel like you just became smaller between the two men, but most importantly you wonder, what the fuck was that?  

The moment passed when Eric and Youngsung saw Yoongi and turned to talk to him. Did you already mention that they loved him? Because they do. 

“What’s up Yoongi? Did the queen already judge your outfit?” Yongsung asked him. He looked at you smirking and then back at her. 

“Yeah, and I think I won the contest, she told me it was hot.” He said, making your friends laugh, or at least Youngsung and Eric. 

“She only said that because she wants to get in your pants,” Eric said “don’t trust women like her. The moment she gets bored of you she will say that your outfit looked like trash.”

He was talking about what you said about his costume, he was the Joker. You didn’t say it looked like trash, you said it looked cheap, but only because he said that yours looked like the kind of halloween costume they mention in Mean Girls, when you were going for A Cinderella Story. In other words, he said you were dressed like a slut. Who wants enemies with friends like that?

“I didn’t say it looked like trash, I said it looked cheap!” You repeated. 

“You’re a mean girl in real life, you know?” Your friend said. 

“She’s right, though.” Yoongi defended you with a devilish smile on his face, the words of Kevin were almost long forgotten, but something made you feel like they weren’t. You would have paid to know what was happening in Yoongi’s mind. 

“You just said that because you want to get in her pants, you’re just like her.” 

“It takes one to know one.” Youngsung joined him. 

You couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty, it wasn’t Kevin’s fault that you couldn't talk about your relationship with Yoongi because it was… complicated. It wasn’t Kevin’s fault that you didn’t know how to get out of situations, asking Yoongi to come and save you. You weren’t expecting Yoongi to react that way, didn’t expect Kevin to say that. Now, you were thinking how to make it up to Kevin and how to make it up to Yoongi, wondering if Yoongi even cared about what Kevin said. 

A sense of comfort was wrapped around you when you saw Jungkook joining the couch in front of you, thinking that he could save you from the situation you believed you created. You looked at him, holding your gaze and raising your eyebrows, hoping that he understood what you were trying to say. Jungkook looked at Yoongi and the way he was hugging you and then at Kevin, who seemed out of place next to you. Jungkook raised his shoulders. 

‘What is happening?’ he tried to say. 

‘I don’t know’ you communicated. ‘Save me’ 

But he can’t help you, and even if he could, he wouldn’t. He crossed his arms over his chest, marking a distance between the two of you. On this side, you were between two men, the one you loved and the one you tried to push away, on the other side there was him, laughing at your situation. That’s what you got for judging his outfit and saying he didn’t make an effort. Jungkook failed to be your best friend tonight, but you deserved it a little after laughing at everyone’s costumes. 

Looking to your right you stared at Yoongi thinking of that knowledge in men you thought you had, looking at him in the eyes you realized that Yoongi was not like other men, it was harder to read when it came to those things. You knew how to tell when he was tired, when he was upset, when he was happy. You knew the look on his face when he wanted you to stay the night, you knew the smile that appeared on his face when he was about to say something snarky, but there was a barrier when it came to things like that. 

The night passed and he disappeared with Jungkook in the living room to appear again against the wall, inviting you to your room like it was his own. 

You walked through the crowded hallway, bumping into people and stepping on crunchy chips, already thinking of the mess you will have to clean after all of them leave, but all the thoughts vanished when you entered the room and he closed the door behind you. 

Yoongi pushed you against the wood devouring your lips, introducing his tongue inside your mouth without permission. He sneaked his hands under your skirt, squeezing your ass cheeks in his palms and pressing you against him, he couldn’t bear to be another second away from your body. He kissed you desperately, like he waited for that moment all night. You tried to follow his pace, grabbing his hair in your fingers and making a mess of it. 

“Listen,” you said between kisses “stop looking at my boobs, you’re too obvious.” You scolded him, but he just laughed against your lips. 

“I can’t.” He confessed, catching your bottom lip in his teeth to bring your mouth closer. “How do I take this off?” You felt his large hands looking for the bow that tied the corset together, but you stopped him, grabbing his hands to guide him to your bed

“No, you can’t.” You tried to kiss him again, but he looked at you confused, furrowing his eyebrows. “It’s hard to take it off and we have to be quick, what if they start singing happy birthday?” 

Yoongi rolled his eyes but he allowed you to take his white jacket, exposing his strong arms in that tight red shirt. You put your hands on his shoulders, making him sit on the bed. 

“So I can’t eat you out?” He asked with disappointment in his voice, you shook your head. “Let me finger you, then”

“No,” You climbed your bed when he sat against the headboard, straddling him “it’s supposed to be a quickie.”

“I don’t want a quickie”  He whined, grabbing your hips and pushing them down to his own. You huffed, looking at the little pout that formed on his mouth about to give in to him. But no, you wanted to sing happy birthday to your friend, so you forced him to play along. Your hands traveled up to his chest and kissed him with urgency, feeling like time was running out of your hands. His fingers dug into the flesh of your hips to make you roll them against his crotch, the only barrier between you two were your panties and the thick fabric of his pants. 

Yoongi had no problem with fucking any way you wanted, he was happy to do it either way, but he had his preferences. He liked to have his time and to be on his bed, yours was too small. He wanted you fully naked because he liked to be the only one who got to see you like that. He tried to hit it from the back a few times before and it was good, it was always good with you, but it wasn’t the same. He preferred having you right in front of his face, to feel your shaky breath against his mouth and hear your whimpers next to his ear, to kiss you until you were so lost in the feeling of his cock inside you that you couldn’t kiss back anymore. 

But when he didn’t have much time he enjoyed it too. The memory of a rainy night on his bed assaults his mind sometimes, one thing led to another and you confessed that you had a current fantasy of getting fucked on his studio chair. Yoongi opened his eyes so big you thought he saw a ghost, and even though it was the heat of the moment and he confessed some pretty nasty stuff too, your words pierced through his mind. Did that mean that every time you were sitting on his lap you were thinking about… that? The thought made him shiver like he was a teenage boy all over again. He remembers how nervous you looked when he confessed the things he would like to do with you, but it took just one confession from you to tear him apart. If Yoongi thought you were wrapped around his fingers he was wrong, you had him ten times worse. 

He decided to make your fantasy come true, even if it was slightly uncomfortable and during work hours, even if you weren’t fully naked and not on his bed. 

You knew he liked it either way, so why did he want to keep you in your room so bad?

At that point the question was still on your mind, but you wouldn’t dare to ask him, not yet. It only took a second for you to forget about it, when you felt his tongue running d0wn your neck you were already thinking about other things. 

“You’re too greedy” You said as you tried to keep up with the pace of his hips, it was enough to forget about Yoongi’s behavior that night but not enough to satisfy you or him. 

“You made me like this.” He murmured. His nose brushed the column of your neck and then he trailed wet kisses down again, you closed your fists on his shirt tightly when he picked up a  faster pace, a tiny moan left your lips. You felt like you were seventeen on the couch of the guy from school you had a crush on, making out all afternoon but never doing anything. It was different with Yoongi, you anticipated all of his movements and all of his kisses, wondering what he was going to do next, and he enjoyed watching you trying to get off on top of him, helping you grind yourself on him so he could fuck you right later. 

Then it came the confirmation that he was jealous, his teeth nipping the skin of neck with only one mission: to leave a mark. It was unusual for him to leave marks in visible places, he preferred your inner thighs or the top of your breasts, he didn't like scandalous things. He was simpler, he enjoyed knowing that you had marks under your skirt but he was the only one who knew about them. 

But he was a man too, and men were simpler than simple.

You almost let him do it, you were too focused on the pressure between your legs and the grip his hands had on your ass, until a groan that escaped from his mouth shook you back to reality for one second. You grabbed his round cheeks from the crook of your neck and made him look at you. 

“No funny business.”

“I’m trying to fuck you right now.” He whined again, trying to get back to his original plan, but you stopped him. 

“I mean it, we have to get back.” You warned him, looking down to unzip his pants, encountering a similar but better surprise: he was pretty hard. You smirked to yourself, quite proud to be honest, getting his pants down. 

“Stop smiling like that.” He caught you as his fingers found the strap of your panties under your skirt. 

“Why?” 

“Don’t play dumb.”

“You’re seeing ghosts.”

He squinted his eyes towards you but didn’t answer the question, instead he grabbed your hips and lifted them just enough to slide your panties down your thighs. You helped him to take them off and sat back again on his lap. He wasted no time, his boxers followed his pants and with a swift motion his hands came back to your hips to push them down, pressing your wet core against his dick, making you gasp.

“You think you’re funny, don’t you? Laughing at me like it wasn’t your fault.” You bit your lips, trying to hold back a moan. “Laughing at me like you weren’t dripping right now.”

Yoongi started to roll his hips just like before, but this time it felt ten times better, it showed in your face, and even if he always tried to keep up his dominant mask, it trembled sometimes. He preferred to have you naked on top of him, with your bare tits in front of his face like you were just for him, but there was something about fucking you in you angel costume that was about to drive him crazy, especially in that white mini skirt that wasn’t long enough to hide the way you were rocking against him.

You wanted to answer him, to spit a snarky comment or to laugh on his face, but there was no time for that, his low voice made your stomach flip, your outfit started to feel hot, the two pieces of clothing you were wearing started to suffocate you. A devilish thought  was built in your mind in just a few seconds, the tiny you begged you to ask him to flip you over and fuck you however he liked, to eat you out and miss the happy birthday if he wanted, the tiny you didn’t care. 

The rational you didn’t exist anymore, she disappeared when Yoongi’s cock started to rub your clit, kissing you softly, a contradictory gesture from the way his palms on your ass were pressing you to grind on his cock.

“Now you’re quiet? Don’t you have something to say?” 

“Yoongi... Stop!” You whined quietly, but he didn’t take you seriously, he laughed at you again. 

“You’re funny like that, trying to tell me what to do.” He groaned, positioning yourself so your entrance would align with the tip of his cock. Your whole body shivered at the feeling, now you were paying full attention to his words. “Trying to tell me how to fuck you. But guess what, baby? I’m gonna fuck you the way I want, how I want, as long as I want and you’re gonna love it, okay?” He looked at you waiting for an answer, but you just nodded, enough for him to start introducing his member inside you slowly, you bit your lips hard, digging your fingernails on his shoulders. “Now be a good girl and hold your skirt up so we can watch how you get fucked.” 

You obeyed, grabbing the hem of your skirt and holding it up against your abdomen, starting to feel the slow drag of his member filling you up. Both of your moans left your lips at the same time, your bodies were aching for each other since your friend let him in wearing that fucking costume. 

He grabbed your ass to sink you deeper until you were full of him, his eyes focused on the direction where your bodies connected and then they came back to your face, catching the perfect sight of your face, you furrowed your eyebrows as you bit your lips trying  to hold back the sound that was about to come out of your mouth. He slid his hands up your clothed body, traveling up to the white corset to squeeze your boobs. Oh, how he wished to take that stupid corset off and wrap his lips around your nipples until you were creaming his cock. He could do it, he could convince you to throw it away and waste the next hour inside of your room, but if you wanted to sing happy birthday to Nayeon so badly, he would let you. 

You waited for him to move first, you feared that if you did it you would lose control of the sounds you would make, and he noticed, not really happy with the idea of you holding back. 

“Why so shy, baby?” He whispered, starting to set a rhythm with his hips.

“There’s… people outsid-…ah…” your voice got interrupted by a high pitched moan that escaped from your lips, he smiled satisfied and then, you started to move with him, pushing your hips forward to meet with him over and over again. 

“What about it? You don’t want them to hear?” he teased “You don’t want them to know how good I’m gonna make you feel? I think they already know.” 

The idea of your friends knowing that you disappeared with Yoongi in your room was embarrassing, but the urge set a pace and fuck yourself on him was stronger. Riding him always made you feel like you hadn’t fuck in months, and the last time you did was just last wednesday, when you woke up in the middle of the night and cuouldn’t go back to sleep. 

If the headboard was making any noise as he thrusted into you, you didn’t notice. Your body responded to him like it was second nature and your hands clung to his chest in search of some stability. “S-stop t-that…” you could only whisper but it was useless trying to be quiet, your whines were already giving you away, maybe the headboard too, but you convinced yourself it wasn’t making any noise. 

“That’s what you want, baby?” He asked in a sweet tone, leaning forward to brush his lips over yours “You want me to stop?” He slowly stopped his movements, gripping your hips to keep you in place. 

You shook your head in denial “N-no, that’s not what I..!” a choked moan slipped out of your lips when he thrusted his hips forward, you felt how your walls clenched around him, begging him to keep going.

Yoongi loved having you on top, he loved watching you trying to set the perfect pace so you could fuck yourself better on his cock. He knew one thing: every time you did it, you did it better. On the other hand, you were sure that riding him was just an illusion of power, there were very few ways to dominate Yoongi (one of them being pink heart shaped handcuffs, but that’s a story for another day), riding him wasn’t one of them. He always found a way to take control of things, now it was to grip your hips and sink you deeper on his cock. 

The position made you feel every single inch of him, quickly building a strong feeling down your belly and between your legs. You were a little embarrassed by how close you already were, but he wasn’t much different, the way his adam apple moved up and down gave him away. 

“Keep going, please…” 

“Are you gonna keep telling me what to do or are you gonna let me fuck however the fuck I want, huh?” You watched the way his lips moved with hooded eyes, regretting the decision of not letting him eat you out. 

“Please, just… just fuck me, I’ll stop.” you cried as you got closer to him, pressing your palms over his chest and enveloping his lips into a desperate kiss, he didn’t oppose, he was easy like that. His hands went to squeeze your ass cheeks one more time, thrusting deeper inside you again. He helped you move up and down until you caught up with his fast pace. 

How could you have a man like that and not be in love with him? No one ever kissed you with such determination, so sure of himself yet so scared to let you go, like time was about to end every second that passed. 

You never had that level of intimacy with anyone, not even with your ex, he never kissed or fucked you like that. With Yoongi everything was passionate, he made you squirm under him during the night and made breakfast in the morning. He told you how pretty you looked when you jumped into his car and listened to the songs you recommended to him. He sneaked you into your own bedroom just because he was jealous and horny. 

“Fuck baby, you’re so tight.” God, your ex boyfriend didn’t have a mouth like Yoongi either. He wanted to sit back and enjoy the view of your tits bouncing out of your corset, but if he did he would lose it immediately, he didn't know where to look anymore. You responded with a deep moan, allowing yourself to rest on top of his chest, a clear sign that you were about to cum “Are you going to be my sweet angel and cum for me?” You nodded, his thrusts starting to get sloppy yet faster.

“I-I’m... so close.” you managed to say. 

There would be time to worry about your appearance later, but the sight of him lost on his own pleasure, with his eye barely open and messy hair made you realize that you looked as fucked up as him. But he looked so hot like that, you wouldn’t want it any other way. 

“It’s okay angel, I’m close too.” The nickname rolled in his tongue in such a natural way, in the end Yoongi was not so wrong about the roleplay thing. You found it cute, in his voice it sounded sweet. 

You were too intoxicated in the way he was pounding inside you, too on edge of your climax. The worry of being heard left the room a long time ago, replacing it with the dirty sound of your wetness, your cries of pleasure and his deep groans. 

“Don’t stop, please” you whined.

“How could I when you feel this good?” You felt his cock throbbing inside you, making you arch your back and press your chest against his “Cum for me baby, want to see your pretty face when you do.” It only took one thrust of him to make you cum around his cock, he helped you ride your high as you filled the room with choked cries and the tortured sound of his name. “Can I cum inside you?” he asked as you tried to focus your blurry gaze, nodding because you didn’t trust your voice. “Okay angel, now lift your skirt again and let me see the mess you made.” His voice came out as a shaky breath, the desperation slipping out of his tongue. You rolled your hips once again to help him to reach his climax, crying out at the feeling of his cum slipping out of you, wondering how the fuck you were going to walk out of this room acting like nothing happened, Yoongi’s low moans were enough to make you forget about it. 

You felt like every muscle of your body was on fire, your thighs were shaky and sticky but something made you smile. You rested your head in his chest, feeling his fingers brushing your hair as he sighed. The room became silent, the only sound you could hear was the music outside and your heavy breathing. You stayed like that for a while, he was too content to break the silence.

But curiosity was eating you alive, so you lifted your head and kissed him on the lips, he closed his eyes and kissed you back, having no idea what you were going to say next. 

“Bubba, are you jealous?” You finally asked him. He opened his eyes like you just said a forbidden word. 

“What?” He murmured, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Don’t look at me like that!” You laughed

“Baby, I’m still balls deep inside you, do you think this is time for a conversation?”

“Yeah, why not? I wanted to ask.” You said, playing with the chain that hung around his neck, he huffed. 

“I’m not, why would I be? Why should I be?” He started questioning, the words slipping out of his mouth like he couldn’t control them. 

“Don’t lie to me” You warned. 

“Jealous of who?” He asked, avoiding your gaze. 

“Of Kevin!”

He stayed in silence for a while, and then his eyes came back home to yours, looking at you with the funniest expression, trying so hard not to snap. For a moment you thought he was about to lie again. 

“And what if I am?” 

“I knew it!” You exclaimed before he could retract himself “But why?”

“What, I can’t? I don't want other guys to be looking at your tits. Is that so wrong?” 

Your hands came up to cover your chest, furrowing your eyebrows “He wasn’t looking at them…”

“He was, baby. I know because I was looking at them too.”

“Oh my god, Yoongi...” You complained, why did he always have to make your cheeks burn red?

“Don’t Yoongi-me...”

“He wasn’t, but that was not the point.”

“What is it, then?” 

“That you don’t have to feel jealous of him.” You almost whispered. 

“Then why did he say that you never mentioned me?” He asked. In that moment you could see a different layer of Yoongi, one that didn’t use words to hide what he was really feeling, he couldn’t find a way to ask that question in any other way than to be direct. 

“I have known him for only two months, bubba.” You explained “He barely knows anything about me, I told him nothing about me. But I’m sure he likes me and said that to upset you, don’t pay attention to him.”  

“Only two months?” He asked.

“Yes, he helped me with that failed exam that made me cry. We always talk about school, but tonight was different, I don’t know why.” 

Yoongi looked like he was thinking about it, processing your words and changing his mood. You were right, there was no need to be upset. After all, all your friends knew him and loved him. His face softened.

“And besides, I only want you.” He stared at you from above. He was face to face with you and yet  he was so blind to see what you wanted. He was the only guy who could have you like that yet he still got jealous of someone you never thought about. 

You thought about Yoongi all the time when he was gone. You thought about him when you were cooking, wishing he was there to taste your food. You thought about him when you passed by the music store, when you see a fluffy brown dog down the street or when you hear the sound of the piano in a movie. 

You thought he knew all this stuff, but he was unaware of all of it, even if he was the only person you allowed to be inside you and have a conversation at the same time. 

“You do?” He asked.

“Yeah, pretty much. I mean, look at me, You know I don’t do these things with other boys.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Then stop pouting!” 

He laughed with you and shut you up with a short but sweet kiss. 

“Stop scolding me.” He whispered against your lips. 

“You need to be scolded sometimes.”

“Get up, let me clean you up.”

You sat on your bed before leaving the room, staring at yourself in the mirror, wondering if you were presentable to go out. Then, you remembered something.

“What did you get me?” You asked him. “Tonight you said you got me something.”  He nodded, remembering the gift. He stood up from the bed and looked for something in the drawer of your nightstand. He took out a thin but long black box and handed it to you without saying anything. “Did you hide it in my drawer?”

“Yes, when I arrived.”

You opened the box to find a golden necklace with three white pearls in the middle, it was the same necklace you were ogling in the store where you bought Nayeon’s ring. He came back and picked it for you. 

You stared at him with the sweetest look you could ever give him and jumped right into his arms to hug him. 

“You’re the cutest” You said between giggles “Thank you, it’s beautiful. I love it”

“Of course you do, I saw you in the store about to go bankrupt  to buy it. I couldn’t let that happen.” He laughed. He knew you so well. 

“And people think you aren’t sweet.”

“Don’t tell anybody about it.” He joked, hugging your waist and pressing a kiss to your lips “No one can know.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect your bad guy reputation.” 

Yoongi and you left the room acting like nothing happened, you sang happy birthday to a drunk Nayeon and ate the cake you made for her, everyone liked it, including Yoongi, who ate two pieces. 

Kevin didn’t try anything anymore, not after Yoongi kissed you in front of him, he got the idea. Nayeon gave you a funny look when he saw you again after half an hour, like she knew a secret she wasn’t supposed to know. 

Everyone left except Yoongi and Jungkook. You decided to clean the apartment the next day. Jungkook slept in Nayeon’s bedroom on a spare mattress and Yoongi followed you to yours to change into his pajamas and prepare to sleep another night in your one person bed. 

“I’m gonna buy you a bigger bed for your birthday,” He said, hugging you from behind “we can’t keep sleeping like this.” 

“I’m afraid we have to, a bigger bed won’t fit in this room.” 

You secretly loved sharing your small bed with him, there was no way for him to escape from you and the only comfortable position to sleep in was spooning. 

“That sucks.”

“But I like spooning.” You confessed.

“We can spoon in a bigger bed.”

You laughed, grabbing the hand he had on your waist and bringing it closer to your chest. He buried his face on your hair, attempting to fall asleep, only then you allowed yourself to step inside your mind. The rational you made an appearance and got informed about the events that happened during her absence.

Even pressed against him on the bed you felt like there was an abyss between the two of you and the things you wanted. The rational you did a list of them: firstly, you didn’t do “casual”, you never did, you didn’t like it. Yet, there you were, wrapped around some guy’s arms, waiting for him to tell you he was ready to be serious about you. 

You enjoyed the night, you didn’t want those thoughts to cloud your mind, but it’s almost impossible to stop them. A version of you that you never met was created in your head as you allowed those thoughts to wander in it. She looked like a nightmare, like someone you wanted to erase, a version of you who waits for someone to love her or leave her, not really sure what the man she loved was going to choose to do, not really sure of anything at all. You start to feel embarrassed, wondering if this is the view your friends had of you, if Nayeon or Jungkook saw the way Yoongi had you saving a spot he wasn’t sure if he wanted.

You were about to be dragged into one of the deepest places of your mind but then, his deep voice reached your ears, making all those ugly thoughts disappear in a second. 

“You know that you’re the only one I want too, right?” He asked, referring to the previous conversation you had.  Did you know? You felt like it was news to you. 

“Now I know.” You answered. He kissed your cheek and said something before falling asleep.

“Now you know.” 

You found it funny how Yoongi was the one to blame for all those thoughts but also the only one who could make them disappear. You fell asleep right after him, deciding not to torture yourself with any more questions, at least for tonight. 

taglist: @scqrl3tte @kimseokjinbangtan @bluesharksandfish @minmin2022 @minvlush @bids97 @cowboylikevicky @sugainmybowl @jiimtaee @karlamoralese @localmoonchild @wespers-jaan

#fic: i think he knows #fic: so it goes #min yoongi fanfic #yoongi x reader #min yoongi one shot #bts au #min yoongi x oc #bts smut #min yoongi x reader #one shot #suga fanfic #suga fanfiction #suga x oc #suga x reader #yoongi au #yoongi x oc #bts x reader

[afrenchaugurey]

Second post for today, a little snippet of my current WIP, a modern NewTina AU.

This one takes place a few weeks after Newt's birthday, when Newt and Leta reconnect after haven't seen each other since highschool.

It's not the best one, I wrote that on Wednesday, but that's all I have about Newt's birthday for now...

Meanwhile, they had walked to an art gallery, and an almost religious silence had suddenly fallen between them as they began to admire the few pieces they could see from the outside.

“So, you say your work is inspired by hers ?” had finally asked Newt, in a whisper, as his body was almost shivering as all the colors engulfed him, scratched on his skin and tinkled in his ears. Leta just nodded her head, quietly, almost imperceptibly, making him add “Then, I’ really love to see your work. Really. If you are agreeable, it goes without saying.”

Fighting against tears that would invade her eyes anyway, Leta hid them by rummaging through her purse, after another discrete nod. She took out a small package wrapped in some printed paper and gave it to Newt, all smiles.

“Happy birthday, Newt, I can’t believe I almost forgot !”

“Aww... Thank you. You didn’t have to, you know.”

“Well, I wanted to. And… it’s really nothing. Open it !”

As if it were the most precious thing on Earth, and maybe it was, Newt opened the paper, this symbol of their renewed friendship, with caution and delicacy, to discover a tiny stuffed animal which looked like a platypus. Of course. He burst out laughing. A brilliant, exploding laugh, as vibrating as the oscillation of the crystal. “You didn’t…” he managed to say between two uncontrolled hiccups.

“Oh, yes, I totally did. Even if I wanted to, I could never forget about the platypus, and the fact that for years people thought he was a chimera. Or that he’s the only mammal to reproduce by eggs, and that, during the reproductive period the male is venomous, or... No, Newt, I don’t think I can forget. I don’t think I won’t ever forget… So, YES, I did.”

Newt blushed, hoping that the pale light of the night would hide this. This species had been one of his fixations during highschool. Hard one. “Thank you Leta. And sorry about that by the way.” His hands were methodically patting the little toy, running through its fur, his eyes locked on his own hands, his thoughts soothed by the soft and almost tickling sensation on the tip of his fingers.

She brushed off his words with her hand. “Don’t be. That’s some nice piece of trivia. Oh, he needs a name …”

It didn’t take long for Newt to decide. “Shaw. As George Kearsley Shaw who was the first scientist to make a description of the platypus at the end of the 19th century.”

“I see.” she laughed gently. “Now, I count on you to give me updates about him. So you won’t wait another more than ten years to talk to me again. We’re friends. I guess. I hope. I want pictures of him. I hope he’ll travel. I hope he’ll travel as much as this garden gnome in this French movie…”

“Amelie ?”

“Yes, that’s the one !”

“Well, I’m not an air hostess, and I don’t know any.” 

“So you’ll have to travel, as you once said you would...”

#newt scamander #fantastic beasts #leta lestrange #platypus is because of niffler of course #but also because the friend who introduced me to HP had a fixation about HP #it's also the birthday of the daughter of my friend who forced me to go see FBAWTFT in theaters back to 2016 #WIP #reflektor project #fantastic beasts fanfic #modern AU #autistic newt scamander #this fic will have so much info dumping in it #I'm sorry #maybe I'm not #febulous newt 2023 #febulous newt

[blarrghe]

Hey! Would love to hear about the super secret birthday epilogue, for the WIP Ask meme! And if you can share a little snippet of it, even better 🥺

Thank you ❤️

Hi Cat! Thanks!

Super secret birthday epilogue is a little something I am writing for me, for my birthday, to epilogue the longfic saga of Matchsies/A Complicated Match. My birthday is at the end of August and I plan to post it then but I'm almost done with writing it and just dying to share lol. I almost did post a snippet on WIP Wednesday this week but then I forgot. Anyway, this is pure sweet sappy self-indulgence for a finished fic (spoilers) and a pretty big snippet so uh, not-so-secret epilogue thing starts like this :)

--

It felt so strange to be back. Dorian tapped his fingers impatiently against the bartop at The Rest, then swirled around the drink in his glass before taking the last of it to his lips. He swallowed the sweet, strong, biting mouthful with a sigh. Whiskey and cola; he’d long since given up on having anything top-shelf at this pub. And yet he knew he was going to miss it. 

When he’d missed Ferelden before, those six-odd months in Tevinter, he’d mainly missed Taren. He’d missed The Rest, the shop, the cold grey coast and the sprawling underground, yes, and after a couple months he’d even missed his dingy little office and the brown brick and scraggly vines of the university buildings, but mainly, just Taren. It wasn’t going to be like that, this time, and suddenly he was seeing everything in a new light. 

He gave the bartender a nod to refill his glass, and watched the patrons behind him in the dimly lit place as they drank their drinks and threw their darts in the reflection of the dusty mirror behind the bar, his own face frowning. Dorian heard the door to the pub open, and turned on his stool to see Taren silhouetted against the fading daylight outside.

The elf shuffled in, grey hat over his crop of not-quite-shoulder-length auburn hair, unceremoniously crushing down the curls so that they whisped out about his chin. He unzipped a too-large fall jacket, something built of army-surplus canvas and patched up with punk band logos and bright pins. He spotted Dorian, smiled a leaning smile, and waved. 

Dorian’s frown disappeared. He raised his glass, gestured him over, and stood. He ordered him a pint before Taren could get to it himself, putting it on his tab and pushing a tip across the bar. Then they took up their drinks and found a booth.  The same booth. He wondered if Taren noticed. 

“How was the shop?” he asked conversationally, as Taren settled himself across from him. 

“Oh, you know,” Taren shrugged. “It’s weird, I guess.” 

Dorian nodded, and waited. There was a contemplation on Taren’s face, more coming through that he was still working out how to say. 

“Sera’s still mad,” he said. 

“She’ll come around.” 

“Yeah,” Taren sighed, frowning a little as he took up his beer for a sip. He put it back on its coaster and leaned back in his seat, glancing to the side and taking in the rest of the bar. “And I keep looking around like — seeing things, I guess, feeling like it’s for the last time.” He smiled slightly, but not happily. More as though to apologise. “I’ve never had this much warning.”  

“It won’t be the last,” Dorian promised. “And you’re still allowed to change your mind —” 

“— stop.” Taren shook his head. “I’m not changing my mind. I’m just… going to miss it.” 

“So am I.” 

“How was the university?” 

“All settled. And I have some paperwork for you, too.” 

“For me?” 

“Your letter of course completion from Montilyet.” Dorian fished the document out of his bag as he spoke, and slid it carefully across the table. 

“Oh, thanks.” Taren picked it up and examined it before sorting the letter away to his own bag. “I was - I was going to pick it up.” 

Dorian shrugged. “I was there.” 

“So that’s everything? I mean, all your paperwork is in, too?” 

“That’s everything on this side.” 

"Right. Shit. Ok,” this time, Taren really did smile at him, “guess I should finish packing.” 

He took another sip of his beer. Dorian watched him as his eyes strayed back into the bar, contemplating the dartboards and faded sports posters and chipped paint. Then he looked back at Dorian, his smile lopsided and his eyes still thoughtful. 

“You know this is the same booth?” he asked, “from when we met.” 

“We should get married,” Dorian blurted out in response. 

#wip game #ask me things!

[sinkat-arts]

Daisuga WIP (Thursday) Wednesday

So, I decided at to start doing WIP Wednesday. I'm actively working on a long fic that won't be posted for... forever, and it might help me stay motivated if I can post little bits here and there? Anyway, I decided that at, like, 1 AM Pacific Time last night, so... very late. Which is why I'm posting this today. This is actually a part that I've scrapped from the larger fic, but I like it well enough to want to maybe do something else with.

For context, this is after the Interhigh Tournament, which was in June. Since Suga's birthday is also in June, I decided to combine the two. And since it's in Suga's POV, I use Koushi? I honestly don't know how he'd refer to himself in his head;;;; I also juggled the timeline and events of the day after Interhigh around a little bit, which is partially why I scrapped this.

--

13 June 2012

Suga

It should have been a day like any other. Just a Wednesday. There were many like it before and there would be many like it after. But this particular Wednesday was maybe a little different. This one was… well, it was a mixed fucking bag so far. 

“I can’t even be happy on my birthday,” Koushi groused aloud. He picked halfheartedly at his packed bento, but even though his mom had made sure it was full of his favorite things, he just didn’t have much of an appetite today. “Thanks, Seijoh, just what I wanted. A big fat L for my birthday.” 

Asahi took a sip of his juice. His giant paw of a hand dwarfed the box, making it look like a prop from a kid’s toy kitchen set. He gave a solemn nod in agreement, the picture of serious contemplation with the straw of a baby juice box still stuck in his mouth. Koushi couldn’t hold the giggle that bubbled up despite the dour mood.  

“What?” Asahi asked, snapping into attention in a mild panic, “Something on my face?” 

“You’re adorable,” Koushi answered, grinning and reaching over to pat his head, “You just make sure you finish your juice box like a good boy, ‘kay?”

Asahi didn’t miss that he was being teased. “Oh, ha ha,” he grumbled, running his empty hand over his hair to make sure none of it had escaped the tie holding it back, “You’re never too old for a juice box… and anyway, you’re the old man here, not me.” 

“By, like, 6 months,” Koushi returned, but his attention had strayed away from his friend. His eyes scanned the courtyard, seeking. Koushi sucked his teeth in frustration - he hadn’t found his target. Again. “Are you sure…” he began.

“I’m sure,” Asahi cut in, doing a decent job of masking exasperation, but Koushi caught it all the same. The exasperation was well-deserved, though, so he let it slide. It wasn’t that Asahi predicted what he was going to say because he was psychic… he’d just been asked the question already. Twice in the course of 20 minutes. “I saw him this morning, but not since.” 

“Lunch is halfway over,” Koushi said, pushing a piece of fried chicken around. “We could at least eat lunch together for my birthday… Do you think he forgot?” 

Asahi raised his head, face inscrutable for a few seconds. Most of the time, the guy was an open book, he had all the guile of a puppy… but every now and then he had these moments. Moments where Koushi felt like Asahi knew something and was holding back. 

“No,” he said, taking the last, loud draw of juice from the container before setting it down neatly on the table in front of him, “He wouldn’t forget. Something must have held him up… maybe a teacher grabbed him.” 

“You think?”

“Maybe?” Asahi said with a shrug that was somehow sympathetic rather than dismissive, “We could go look for him.” 

It could have been the shitty mood after losing yesterday - which was surprisingly devastating, considering how often the third years had experienced loss since coming to Karasuno - but something really wasn’t sitting right. He didn’t like the fact that he himself hadn’t laid eyes on Daichi all day, he didn’t like the look Asahi gave him, he didn’t like that he was at their table and Daichi wasn’t. He’d expected today to be kind of off, but it was too far off. Something had to be going on. 

“Nah,” Koushi said and started pulling his bento back together, “I’ll go… you, uh… you hold the fort down in case he does come. Text me?” 

Asahi nodded, but that weird look was back on his face. He wished he knew what it meant, but if he wanted to find Daichi and (gently) reprimand him for skipping out on lunch, he couldn’t press. He finished packing back up and turned away, walking at a pace that he hoped hid the fact that he was getting just the tiniest bit scared of what might be going on. 

It’s nothing. Probably just what Asahi said… a teacher asked him to help with something. And Daichi can’t not help someone. The guy’s hopeless. 

Still, his feet carried him faster and faster as he got closer to the nearest entrance to the school. There were a few places Daichi might be, assuming a teacher hadn’t sequestered him somewhere, so he turned himself towards what he thought the most likely spot would be and made his way to the gym.

At first glance, the place was empty, but that wasn’t cause for worry yet. He wouldn’t be on the court, not if there was something wrong, so Koushi made a straight line to the storage room. Closed, but unlocked… someone was in there. As silently as he could, he turned the knob until he felt the weight of the door swing free of the catch, and moved inside with a few soft steps. Ah, and there he was. Leaning against one of the ball caddies, shoulders slumped over and head in hand, Daichi was facing away from the one window that was the sole light source for the room. It was hard to make out his face, bathed in shadow as it was, but it was clear he was… lost. In thought, in his head, he was somewhere far enough away that he hadn’t noticed Koushi’s approach. 

Koushi took a step forward and stopped at the sound of a sniffle. His heart dropped a little as he realized that those slumped shoulders were shaking a little. Even more when he realized Daichi wasn’t holding his head to support it, he was clutching one hand over his mouthing, desperately pressing against it and trying to keep everything in.

Part of him wanted to leave. Slip back out the door unseen. This was something private, something vulnerable. It wasn’t meant for anyone’s eyes, and if Daichi knew he’d seen… would that be a betrayal of some kind?

But that wasn’t all. Part of him wanted to leave because he was scared. Not just of how Daichi would react when he finally noticed him, but of himself. He was terrified of what he wanted to do in this moment. Rush forward, collect Daichi in his arms, find out what hurt and make it go away. How, though? What should he do? What could he possibly do that would help… and still keep him on that highwire he’d been walking ever since they were idiot first years and Daichi had smiled at him like that with his warm brown eyes and the sun in his stupidly handsome face. 

What he wanted, what his instincts said to do, was too much. But his friend - his best friend - was hurting right in front of him, and whatever nonsense his heart was trying to pull right now, Daichi needed… something. It was, Koushi figured, in his job description to at least offer. Daichi could make the choice himself to tell him to leave or let him stay.

#wip wednesday #on a thursday #daisuga #sawamura daichi #sugawara koushi #daichi #suga #haikyuu #haikyu #fanfic #also scrapped because I took a good hard look at what I was doing #and decided to keep it fully in Daichi's POV #as you can maybe tell this one is angsty #also I feel like poor asahi is in the middle of this multiyear pining situation #and is Tired

[endlessvoidsnkittens]

Why do my medication adjustments seem to happen around holidays? Holidays are already hard enough for me, lol.

I met with my new virtual psych last...Thursday? A week ago? Last Wednesday? Something like that. I really liked her. I am pleased with how the session went. We decided to up my Wellbutrin to try to combat the ADHD symptoms. IDK if I've already posted about this. I don't think I did, so here I am. If you've already read it, well...you know how to scroll. I was on 150mg Wellbutrin XL, so I'm now on 300mg Wellbutrin XL. I only started it a couple days ago coz it took a couple days to get it from the pharmacy, then I kept forgetting to switch over. So today is day 3 I think. Well. It's making me drowsy and it's making my pain levels go up. Undecided on what it's doing to my appetite. I think I just forgot to eat yesterday and that's why I was so ravenous when I finally got around to eating lunch. But. I have had some periods of more concentration. I started on a new loom knitting project. It's something I meant to make for my nephew's birthday last year but never did. He never knew about it so it's fine, but it's still something I'd like to make for him. However, it's a weird mix of concentration and drowsy so like...bleh, lol.

I'm also a bit more emotional and down. But. Holidays do that anyway. And possibly PMS too. So hard to tell there.

But anyway, today's just....not feeling like a special day.

#evnk's boring life

[beanswrites]

Happy birthday, Nadia!!

Hello everyone!!

I know that I haven't been here for quite some time (been on a vacation, sorry), but here I am to make it up to you with a Nadia birthday fic (ft. a poem I wrote for a girl years ago, a little bit adjusted to fit the story)!! Happy birthday to our favorite countess, we wish you all the best!! (I know I'm like 10 day late, sorry)

I've been hard-working recently so I pre-wrote two more fanfics, and they'll be posted on Wednesday and on Friday! Hope you all like them!!

Requests are open! Check out my rules for requesting before sending me your ideas, or pick a prompt from my prompts list! ♡︎

Also available on AO3!

masterlist | rules for requesting | prompts list

Word count: 1630 words

Trope: General fluff, birthday, angst if you really squint

Pairing: Nadia Satrinava x gn! MC

AU: none

Warnings: none

Picture from Pinterest!

The long-awaited day approached quickly. Usually, every year around this time the whole Vesuvia would be in a hurry, fiddling with stuff and finding the perfect place for everything. Everyone was excited and ecstatic about their countess' birthday. 

But this year.. was a bit of a change. Even though it was just around the corner, people did nothing! Not even prepare her favorite flowers to decorate the streets, which usually took weeks! What was happening in her land? Why was everyone acting so strange?

Of course, it didn't bother Nadia. She didn't care about those kinds of things. Her ex-husband was the one who, if this situation happened to him, would go ballistic and lose his head. But Nadia? No, she was far more humble. The only thing she cared about was that her subjects treat her with respect and fairness, just as she did them. They didn't need to celebrate her birthday like a national holiday, they didn't need to celebrate her at all (if they didn't want to). They didn't even need to love her. All she asked was for dignity and respect.

It certainly helped that Nadia was one of the most loved countesses in all of history. People adored her for freeing them off their ex-count and her ex-husband Lucio, whom they weren't so fond of. Plus, she was always kind to them, and always had the best intentions for her people. Naturally, the shift in their behavior towards her on her special day was a bit of a surprise.

Nadia wouldn't even notice it if it was only her subjects who seemed to not care anymore. What's got her head in a twist just two days before her birthday is the fact that her friends, too, didn't seem to care.

Every year before this one, Portia would always get into her bedroom a week before her birthday and wake her up with breakfast in bed and a cheerful: "Happy birth week, My Lady!" And each year the countess would remind her red-head friend that there isn't something such as a "birth week", with a laugh. However, Nadia wasn't awakened like that on the first of July. 

Asra and Muriel would gift her together every year. Some potions and trinkets, anything Asra has found on his adventures around the world, neatly packaged with some fruits or plants Muriel found in the forest. However, when she joked about it with them a couple of sunrises before her big day, they pretended to not know what she was talking about.

And MC? Well, Nadia was excited for this birthday much more than for any before just because it was the first time she would spend her birthday with them. How exciting is that?!

Truly saying, the purple-haired woman wouldn't even care if everyone else forgot or didn't care, as long as she could spend the entire day with her partner. There wasn't a better gift for Nadia than spending a full, uninterrupted day with the one she truly loved, her dear MC. Perhaps they could go to the library and browse for a bit, or take a stroll around the town! Then, a picnic lunch, followed by a walk in the royal gardens, and then to finish the day with a slice of strawberry cake, lots of kisses, and endless cuddling. What a perfect birthday!

Those thoughts kept the smile on Nadia's face even after she realized her other friends forgot. Just the night before her birthday, feeling excited about spending the next day with MC, she headed to kiss them goodnight.

"Goodnight, sweetheart.. I'll see you in the morning, okay? And don't worry, I arranged everything already, we will have so much fun tomorrow!"

MC frowned their eyebrows, looking at their girlfriend confused. 

"Uhh... What kind of plans do we have for tomorrow, Nadi? I have some work to do with Asra, so is it possible we move those to another day? Please?"

The countess' heart sank in her chest. Crushed but dying to not show it, she swallowed the lump in her throat replying: "Y-yes, of course. I see that you're very busy lately, especially with the magician... Um, of course, dear. Another time"

Her partner smiled, leaving a quick peck on her cheek.

"Thank you for understanding. Good night, Nadi, love you!"

"Good night.."

The purple-haired woman just couldn't believe it. Yes, she could understand that the others would forget. They all lead pretty busy lives, and sometimes there wasn't any time for her. That's okay, of course. But, out of everyone, MC? She had never expected that MC would ever forget her birthday. 

Soon, the sun came up and the countess of Vesuvia was officially one year older. However, it didn't feel like it. MC didn't come to greet her, wish her a happy birthday, and kiss her until they both lost their breath. Portia didn't come to prepare Nadia's birthday outfit. It was another regular day, and no one cared.

After getting dressed, she strolled around the big halls of the palace. Strangely, no one else was around. She couldn't find any maids, housekeepers, or chefs. Where was everyone? Trying not to put too much thought into it, she decided to spend her birthday in the library. Surrounded by her favorite books and stories, some of which she brought from her home in Prakra. 

She knew that room like the back of her hand - it was her favorite room in the palace, after all. She could easily tell you where every single book was since she read and loved them all. For example, her favorite book of all time, the poetry book she got from her mother, was always on the farthest bookcase in the library next to her favorite loveseat. 

Re-reading the pages, Nadia felt hot tears sliding down her cheeks. In all of those pretty poems, every verse spoke about love and being loved. Right now, Nadia didn't feel loved. She felt forgotten and not cared about, especially by her friends. 

Suddenly, she noticed a page in the book that wasn't there before. 

'But that's absurd, a page can't just make itself!' 

She thought, wondering if she just didn't notice it before. However, there was no denying it - the ink was fresh, newly dried, and the poem written on it was completely new. Nadia recognized that writing. She could always pick apart the way MC looped their o's and l's from any other text in the world.

Walking out of the library with the book in her hands, trying to find MC and ask them about the poem, she decided to read it. 

"Like a beautiful lavender,

Like the stars in the night

As the warm sands in Prakra

Which under the sun shine so bright

Full of kindness, full of grace,

My beautiful happy place, 

Only she.

Her smile could make peace in this cruel world,

And her eyes could bring to their knees any man or girl

There's power and courage in the way she speaks,

and knowledge in anything she seeks,

Warmer than a thousand suns but perceived as cold,

Only she.

And I hate to break her already frail heart

And make her think I won't blindly follow her in the dark

To lie directly to her gorgeous face,

When I know it's better to keep my mouth shut.

Because only she could think that I forgot,

While knowing I love her as the sun loves the moon.

Only she would feel not cared for,

When she knows something surprising is coming to her soon.

Only she would swallow her words that she loves me too,

So, my dear Nadia,

Happy birthday to you!"

As she read the last line, she opened the doors of the grand ballroom, to check if MC was there. As soon as she walked in, what seemed like a thousand voices excitedly yelled: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!". Everyone was there. All her subjects, all the palace staff, all her friends, and most importantly, MC.

"Oh my! What- I mean.. MC? Darling, what is all this?" She asked dumbfoundedly.

MC approached her with the biggest smile on their face. 

"Your surprise birthday party, of course! I know that you don't enjoy those big festivals they threw you every year, so I just thought that maybe you'd like a birthday party! Portia made you the cake, and Julian, Asra, and Muriel made the decorations! I organized the things, that's why I was working with Asra so much!"

Nadia looked around, speechless.

"You.." She choked out, new tears of joy spilling from her red eyes, "You remembered my birthday?"

MC put a hand on her cheek, pressing a soft, warm kiss to her lips. 

"Of course I did! How could I forget such an important date?! Don't tell me that you thought we forgot?" 

They asked with a smirk, pulling her into the crowd to get the party started. They drank, ate, danced, and Nadia doesn't remember having that much fun in years. It was the best celebration of her birthday she ever experienced.

Once the party died down and the subjects went home, MC and Nadia returned to Nadia's bed chambers.

"Oh, Nadi, I just remembered. Did you find the poem? That was a part of your gift, I hope you liked it if you did read it! I left it in the library, in your favorite book, I can go get it for you if you haven't and-"

MC was cut off by the powerful, passionate kiss Nadia gave them. Once she pulled away, leaving them breathless, she whispered:

"That was the best present and the loveliest thing anyone wrote me ever. Darling, thank you so much"

MC smiled, hugging her.

"I'm glad you liked it, Nadi... Happy birthday, Nadia... I love you..."

#the arcana #the arcana game #the arcana visual novel #nadia satrinava #the arcana nadia #nadia x apprentice #nadia x mc #nadia x you #nadia x gn! mc #gn! mc #mc uses they/them pronouns #nadia fluff #nadia birthday fluff #nadia birthday #happy birthday nadia!! #the arcana fanfic #the arcana fic #the arcana fandom #the arcana fics #the arcana nadia fluff #nadia the arcana fluff #ft. a poem i wrote for this girl i crushed on years ago hehe #it had to be adjusted a bit to fit the context but whatever #nadia x reader #nadia's birthday #8th of july

[the59er]

19 - 25 Jun 2023

19th Jun 2023, Monday Listening: Sunny Sloth, Monster Rally

Temperature has gone down but I still got myself a couple of Alltest just in case. Tomorrow Mom's getting admitted to the hospital so today I tried to do as much office work as possible, fuelled by some serious snaccs that I bought on impulse while we were at bens the other night, as motivashe :p

I also forgot that in the midst of my fever yesterday, we had a small dins for Dad's day.

--

20th Jun 2023, Tuesday Listening: Lovelovelove, Flea

Mom's day 1 at the hosp. Dad took the morning "shift".

In the meantime, I had to settle house things. Went out to get myself lunch since Dad told me to makan sendiri. Zuls took me to mega ceria, nasi padang supremacy! He also made me try popia for funsies before I finally head off to the hosp.

--

21st Jun 2023, Wednesday Listening: Just a Phase, Incubus

Kat's birthday! One of my fave high school friends, for sure. Though we don't hang out these days, something about Kat just radiates warmth and sincerity. Every year I will try to make Brandon Boyd-related birthday wish for her 😂

Aside from that, I went to the hosp again for Mom. Her actual surgery is tomorrow. She looks nervous, but that's perfectly normal.

--

22nd Jun 2023, Thursday Listening: Cherry, Ratatat

Mom's surgery day. Went for my post-op "shift" but got shoo-ed out by the nurses because it wasn't visiting hours, eventhough I was the caretaker. Meh.

So to kill time, I went to 2121's working ground for my super late lunch after realising that my last meal was merely oden from famima in the morning. (It was also my first time!)

It's very comforting. Anyway, it's always very cute to see zuls on "work mode" hehe.

--

23rd Jun 2023, Friday Listening: Don't Cry, Deerhunter

Had to take additional EL because Mom is still at the hosp so I had to settle home stuff. It's very tiring, I dont know how people do it on the daily.. Maybe this is an indicator that Im actually not ready to have my own family? Or maybe I just need a better family dynamic. Idk. Because it feels like my work is neverending. Ive got home stuff, and office stuff, it's crazy. Mad respect to all working Moms (& Dads) out there.. I got so frustrated I just had to go out and take a breather (whitebox) later in the evening.

--

24th Jun 2023, Saturday Listening: Pork & Beans, Weezer

Mom is home, hamdulillah. Couple days ago I learned of the word "gedebe" and for some reason I decided to google its origin and I stumbled upon this Italian brand lol:

Petang; teman-ed 2121 on his break at taman tun where I had a nice sirap bandung. I love sirap bandung. Obsessed. Afterwards singgah yush and I squealed at the sight of Jamal after not seeing him in awhile!

K.O-ed early because I was just too exhausted by house work.

--

25th Jun 2023, Sunday Listening: Layla, Eric Clapton

Went on my morning walk. Mom also asked for bread, so, okay.

Petang met up with zuls, I can't remember where we went, maybe we went to yush? But I do remember we stopped by grocer's to get yakult. And today I learned of a treatment called "fasyu".

--

Ok yet another week of June, done and dusted. Im just grateful that my Mom is ok.

#rubyjun2023

[starstruckwillows]

tread wif caution, kiddy diddling mentioned bere but its not thay bad 🤞

okay!! so, starting off weakkkkk

-my parents forgot my birthday once, it was my 13th, but they remembered it the night before so wtv

-one time my sisters fought (literal fist fight), they broke my favourite chair and the bond between my family LMFAO but they dealt w everything mid last year thank fuck

-bcs of covid i didnt see my brother for a good 3 years??? not that thats a big deal

-one time my brother stole my mums necklace and that caused issues between my parents. they also argued cos my dad bought food for my brother n his gf, somehow i was brought into it??

-when my parents argued i was there for most of it. if i wasnt, i'd be woken up by my mum crying and talking to my grandparents (i sleep in the grannyflat)

-when my brother and dad started talking my dad took my bro out w him to do deliveries (he delivered parcels) and one time. my brother stole a package. and my dad lost his job LOL. this was before christmas, the wednesday before xmas i found out my parents werent able to buy me a lot of presents because of that

-during their arguments my dad would call my mum names and accuse her of hacking his accounts, stealing money and cheating, which made sense cos if she was w some rich man why would she stay here and continue to struggle u fkn idiot

-there was this one time where my mum yold me to put my airpods im when they were arguing. and i didnt cos i wanted

to eavesdrop!! she told my dad she was moving out LMAO, put my airpods in right after

-for my dads old delivery job, they got him a van but they had to sign a contract for it. and they didnt read the entire tjing so it tirns out that if they dont pay abck a bunch of money in smth years we!! lose our house!!!!

-i got sexually harassed in uear 7 by a guy in year 10!! i think sexually assaulted too, considering he grabbed my tit but that's cos i grabbed his pec HAHAHAHA(?)

-he sent me messages that were!! questionable to send to a 12 year old when ur like 15-16 LOL

him: suck a dick

me: no-

him: suck mine?

me: no-

him: why?

me: because ✝️

him: what if not ✝️

me: i'd still say no ✝️

YES. that is from an actual conversation. YES i have more!!

he sent me a post saying "if you see me smiling at my phone its prolly something you said i think you're hilarious and i want to fuck you" i told him i'm underage and he said "k and" so i said i like being a virgin! he said "hmm do you" and i said yes!!! like cunt im 12 and uve got a gf!! who at the time, was one of my closest friends.

-when he spoke to the police he apparently got away w it cos he said hes indigenous (he is) and that he wouldve called racism? and his ex gf tpld me to get over it cos its in the past and that he apologised but he didnt actually apologise to me and js told her to tell me he's sorry!! LMAO

-and two seniors i bexame friends w last year were rly close w him so it was awks

-mid last year my mum grabbed my pussy to see if i was actually on my period and that i wasnt lying to get out of karate! only recently found out that tjis is NOT normal!!!

-she fr caught me by surprise LMAO, it was frpm behind too and it was like a full actual grab HAHAHAHA this is how the joke ab her being donald trump came up (sjes also racist)

-she also makes comments ab how big my boobs are

-and one of my dads friends gf, she grabbed my cooch but it wasnt my cooch, it was more the pubic area, i thiugjt this was normal too LOL (i was 10? or 11)

-my lola (nan) and mum have a joke where they'd say this phrase in tagalog an it basically says smth ab biting my ass

-one time in karate these twp guys were talking ab me (in front of me, as i was participatinf in the conversatiok before tjis$ and how easy it would be to fuck me bcs of my height (i am 5'1)

-one time i was at a restaurant w my family n i got icecream. n it was fucking two huge scoops and they were vanilla covered in chocolate toppings w cherries on top an my dad, who was drunk, said that those were gonna be "my tits when im older"

-my mum walks into my room when im dressing and says its normal and it doesnt matter cos im her baby

-when my parents argued my mum would bunk in my room in the grannyflat in my bed. i'd bawl my eues put cos i technically had no privacy HAHAHA

i'm turning 15 in soon btw 🤥

-🐍

babe😭 i'm sorry omds

sounds like some boundaries and therapy are very needed

#🐍<3

[youarejesting]

Sly like a... ? part 11

[Full Masterlist] Beta: n/a (at the moment) Rating: All (Marked Chapters 18+) Pairing: Hybrid!BTS x FailedHybrid!Reader Genre: Hybrid au, fluff, action, adventure, angst, drama, slice of life. Some marked chapters will contain mature/smut scenes, BUT they will not have plot in those scenes and are 100% skippable without losing your place in the story.

Summary: Human’s strive to be better, faster and stronger looking to animal DNA. Thus Hybrids are born. As the rise for designer and Pedigree Hybrids increase, so do the failed attempts. There is one species scientists are unsuccessful in creating, but, folklore says they have been here all along, hiding and blending in with the humans for many millennia. How clever they are.

[First] [Prev] [Next]

‘No girls or Jungkook’s allowed! ’

The sign on the door filled you with so much anger. You had to physically remember to breathe, it wouldn’t do to start yelling at the hybrids, they already felt inferior and vulnerable compared to humans. You never wanted them to feel weak, which is why you were mad. You didn’t care if they wanted to exclude you, but you would give the two young men a strong lecture for even thinking about excluding Jungkook.

“Jimin and Taehyung I would like to talk with you,” you ripped the sign down and tore it up. It would be best to dispose of the evidence before the young man saw it. Seeing his hyungs ignoring him would break him, “If you are upset talk to me and I will try to fix the situation.”

There was no response so you sighed walking away pushing the small lump in your throat down, you heard them whispering and thought maybe they needed time. It was after lunch that you began wondering if they planned to lock themselves up all day. Jungkook sat on the soft rug looking at the video games and he smiled setting up the controllers as he looked between two games.

“Which one do you think is better?” Jungkook asked Seokjin who took one of the controllers and smiled, he read both and grinned and you stepped over sitting on the floor picking up a controller.

“I can play right, I think Jimin and Taehyung are talking about some things,” You smiled, nuzzling his hair for a second and leaning back on Seokjin’s legs. “So what are we playing, I have never played before?”

Namjoon ended up joining and Yoongi took a seat on your spare side on the rug and leaned on one of Seokjin’s legs laughing at your expense. “You missed, he was right there and you missed, he shot you,”

“Look, I am a Minecraft kind of videogamer, you know the sims?” You puffed your cheeks flailing as you tried to shoot Namjoon who was doing a lot of shouting and not a lot of aiming either.

Everyone was in stitches. You almost forgot about the other two boys who were feuding with you. It was late and you had played a series of driving and shooting games and a game of Minecraft; where you all made a village and lived side by side and visited each other's houses with food and tools.

“I am hungry,” Jungkook pouted, pulling your sleeve and glancing at the dark kitchen. You looked at the time, and your mouth dropped open. “When is dinner?”

“Let’s order in, I can’t be bothered cooking,” You ordered a bunch of food, making sure to get Jimin and Taehyung’s favorite dishes so that you could lure them out. They would no doubt be hungry.

The food was delivered and as you removed the lids you named the dishes loudly hoping the two locked away in their room would emerge and eat something.

It’s super effective!

You smile as everyone digs in. The two boys were obviously mad and jealous that you had slept in Jungkook’s room and you wondered how you would possibly be able to fix this.

“I will take Wednesdays,” Yoongi smiled “I like Wednesdays”

“What is he talking about?” Hoseok asked he was just as confused by the white tiger's outburst looking towards Namjoon who with a mouth full of noodles shrugged.

“Sunday’s you can sleep in Jungkook’s room, and mine on Wednesdays,”

“Oh I will take Monday’s” Hoseok smiled, brightly

“Monday is tonight” Jimin accused looking panicked, “fine, I will take Tuesday then”

“Can you sleep in my rooms on Wednesday?” Taehyung said,

“Wednesday is already taken,” Yoongi glared, placing some meat on Taehyung’s plate in an attempt to console him, “Take Thursday”

“Yes Thursday”

“I will take Saturday,” Jin grinned, “Which means Namjoon is Friday? Is that alright?”

You blinked watching this all unfold, they had just decided on their own sleep schedule for you. It was nice to see them working together but you didn’t know how to feel about moving rooms every night. But at this point, anything seemed more comfortable than the couch. “Maybe once and when I have stayed once in everyone's rooms, I will go back on the couch.”

“What if two people share a room and have bunk beds or something, then that leaves a free room for you?” Jimin said, grabbing some tteokbokki, “I can share with Hoseok or Taehyung or Jungkook, I can give you my room. It can be your own little space.”

“Oh, my room! My room!” Hoseok said, “I miss the sound of other people in the night, we can get bunk beds.”

Hoseok and Jimin grinned at one another, the two already talking about how they would design and decorate their room. Heading into the bathroom you cleaned up the clothes off the floor and dumped them in the hamper. It made you laugh how comfortable they were all getting enough to drop their clothes on the floor right beside the hamper.

Taking a rather warm shower you scrubbed your skin wondering if you would smell different again in the morning. It was a strange thought, once scrubbed and buffed clean you wrapped yourself in your towel and stood on the small mat in front of the basin. Examining your appearance, as you slowly moisturize your skin.

Whilst smoothing the cool night cream across your brow you thought you saw an orange tail in the mirror turning you thought Seokjin had burst into the bathroom to pee but when you turned nothing and nobody was there.

It left you feeling a little unsettled, it was your head playing tricks on you. Getting dressed you all but ran out into the hall smacking into Seokjin who was coming out of his room. You grasped his large shoulders to prevent yourself from falling back. He gripped your waist in response.

“Woah, what’s wrong, why are you scared?” He asked, his tail fluffed and his ears twitching looking for a threat. A few heads popped out of their rooms, “You reek of fear, what happened?”

“I spooked myself, one of the towels moved in the bathroom and I thought it was something else and I got scared, that’s all” Your voice died off with your rambling, and the blush settled upon your cheeks.

Hoseok walked over and took your hands, “don’t worry, you are staying in my room tonight so I will protect you!” His chipper tone did wonders to ease your distress, pulling you along to his room where he tucked the two of you into the bed.

“Thank you, I miss having people to talk to and just be there,” He smiled, “I am excited to get to stay with Jimin, he is such a nice guy.”

“He is a sweetheart when we were little we used to play together and he always wanted to play pirates and superheroes but on my 4th birthday no one from our school showed up to my princess party. So Jimin dressed up as a princess as did my carer Felix and his carer Astrid and we all shared snacks and cake”

“YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T TELL ANYONE!” Jimin’s voice screeched from the hallway seconds before rapid footsteps. His figure appeared in the doorway for a split second, his sock-clad feet slipping out from underneath him sending him sliding further down the hallway.

“I have pictures too,” You giggled

“Send them to me.” Yoongi’s tired drawl came from a few rooms up and you grinned airdropping them around the house. Jimin tried to wrestle the phone from your hands and you grinned, pulling him onto the bed.

“Time for bed Jimin, lay down or get out.” he indeed snuggled up on your other side, Hoseok and Jimin's arms wrapped around you and you were indeed feeling quite safe from your previous scare.

[First] [Prev] [Next]

Tags:  @simplymemyself @lolsiiike @min2jeon @notruercolors @luvaffaire @grazysf  @ella-mella @lustremyg @sonnymii @moments-of-melancholy @calling-dips-on-j-hope @jiminiessipabo @staerryminimini @afangirl91 @halfway-insane @ireallylikeyourwriting @lindsayjoy444 @lindsay1013 @bangtansleftnut​ @chimchoom​ (please make sure you have tagging setting on so you get notified when the story updates)

How can I save this to receive and read updates?

‘Follow’ and turn on ‘Notifications’ so you never miss an update

Add your name to a ‘Tag’ list [HERE]

‘Reblog’ this post with the hashtag #BTSsly

Or you can ‘Like’ this post (but good luck trying to find it a week later, we both know how many things you like a day, perhaps we will meet again in the future.)

#bts #bangtan sonyeondan #castlebangtan #bts imagines #bts reactions #bts scenarios #bts series #bts hybrid au #bts hybrid series #bts hybrid x reader #bts x reader #bts hybrids #bts fluff #bts smut #BTSsly #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #jin x reader #suga x reader #jhope x reader #namjoon x reader #jimin x reader #taehyung x reader #jungkook x reader

[alienaiver]

Half the Battle, pt. 1

Kuroo Tetsurou x gn!reader

find part two here!

warnings: slight angst about childhood/parents fighting/divorce, one (1) bottle of wine is opened, someone is betrayed in Mario Party, NOT beta-read! apologize for any mistakes! (lmk if there’s any warnings i missed!)

wordcount: 5.5k

content: soulmate AU, mild angst, fluff, post-timeskip but slight canon divergence (i haven’t read the manga yet so this is loosely based off of their canon timeskip lives), gender neutral reader, reader is a video editor, reader is bad at eye contact but the details as to why are vague/up for interpretation!

notes: this was made for @gg9183 ​ ‘s wonderful birthday event, a soulmate collab! (go read the other wonderful works!) happy birthday once again, gray!! this was meant to be a 2k one shot but.... plans and inspiration changes sometimes, right? 🥺 so this ended up as a 5k part ONE lmfao i hope thats alright w u!!! part2 will be up asap, i promise!! i hope you enjoy this!!!! 

—————————

Not meeting his soulmate was fine, Kuroo often found himself thinking. The odds of finding your soulmate’s way too low to be realistic anyways, he supported the thought. It’s illogical to spend so much time fretting about it, he finally added for good measure.

Soulmates were a natural part of life, always had been. But with the big wide world filled with over seven billion people, meeting yours wasn’t completely unheard of. But given the powers of soulmates even existing, it wasn’t unrealistic to also believe that some kind of fate would pull you towards each other throughout your lives so that you would meet each other. Kuroo however, prided himself in not caring about soulmates. His life was rich enough. People explaining their feelings about “something being missing until they finally meet them” was incomprehensible to him.

Kuroo had lived for 29 years without being able to see color. And you know what? His life was damn well fulfilling enough. He had a beautiful apartment, an economy that flourished, an adorable cat named Cucumber and good people around him. What would he really need a soulmate for? He could ignore his friends comments on how wonderful the world was in color, if only he would just start looking for his soulmate, how much meaning it gave life. Just because the people in his closest circle had all magically met theirs – not to mention how many of them had already met in Goddamn high school, Kuroo scoffed and was always able to move on.

Even though a lot of people actively made eye contact with everyone they met, even people on the street, to make sure they would meet their soulmate, Kuroo kept his eyes down. He wasn’t insecure, come on, he was perfectly happy! He just didn’t need to be late for a meeting because he got eye contact with some stranger, you know?

His life was in perfect balance as is.. Until yesterday, of course. It had turned out there was mold in his apartment complex so they had to evict it for a month while a crew would go through everything to remove it. He didn’t want to go to his mother’s place, that was too far from his work, but he wasn’t in the mood for a hotel, that was way too expensive, so he turned to his best friend of many years with the biggest set of puppy eyes he could muster and the prospect of making every dinner while he lived there.

“Fine… but don’t get in the way,” was all Kenma had to say.

And so Kuroo spent his last weekend in his own apartment packing things down to make it accessible to the cleaning crew. Cucumber hated other cats with a passion so he couldn’t bring him to Kenma’s, where three cats already happily lived, so his mother would pick him up tomorrow afternoon.

__

He sat on his couch, scrolling his phone mindlessly with Cucumber on his lap who had been stressed with all the packing down, sensing something was up. He was being extra cuddly towards Kuroo who, honestly? Didn’t mind at all. He loved when Cucumber was in mood for cuddles, though it wasn’t very often. He had been told his cat was orange and while he didn’t have a measure for what that color actually looked like, he was happy with his gray cat.

His mother was supposed to arrive any minute now, so he should have gotten up and put the cat in his carrier but it was easier to get him in it if you had two pair of hands. He scrolled through Instagram, reaching a photo put up by Tsukishima of his soulmate, the light-haired manager of their high school volleyball club, with a tooth-eating grin on her face and proudly showing off a ring on her finger, the caption said, This smile makes me wanna brag. Kuroo could physically hear the provocative tone of his voice, knowing he was one of the first in his circle of friends to actually plan a wedding. Kuroo clicked his tongue with a smile on his face and double-tapped to like the picture.

He didn’t know if it was the combination of that post and the fact that his mother was on her way but memories of his parent’s wedding flooded his mind. For a lot of people, weddings felt obsolete in the face of the whole “you already got your soulmate and you know this” thing, so a lot of couples were happy not getting married but just being together. But there was also the benefits of marriage in the practical sense, so some people did anyways, some hosting parties, some not. His parents weren’t married when he came to, but after he turned five they decided to do it so he would be protected by both of them, in case of any emergency.

It had been a small wedding, only the closest family and friends but Kuroo was vivid, so excited about being part of that whole romantic ordeal, even helping his mom find a dress and everything. He had been a huge and important part of the wedding – if he did say so himself. Everyone had been glowing at the day, the food was delicious, there was laughter, song and cheers and everyone had brought so many presents – even some for little Tetsurou, who had been very excited about his new train tracks.

But when Kuroo was seven years old, it wasn’t as romantic anymore. His parents were fighting a lot, he wasn’t entirely sure why or about what because they would never tell him about it, no matter how much he asked. When he tried to listen in, the words he heard didn’t explain anything to him because even though they were yelling at each other, the important words were always whispered, as if they knew Kuroo was listening in.

When he was eight his mom had come into his room, hugged him and with tears in her eyes and said that they were going to move away.

“Where are we going?” he asked simply, no emotion to be read on his little face. He was exhausted from his parents being this way – they were soulmates, right? Why did they fight like that?

“To Tokyo, just you and me, my love.”

That’s when he met Kenma. He had been very closed-off and shy back when they met, he reminisced. He had been a regular kid when he was younger but the way his parents split up – his soulmate parents – had closed him off pretty bad, so it was a miracle he met Kenma and started opening up again.

Kuroo smiled to himself bitterly before scratching Cucumber’s ear. He supposed this was also why he wasn’t interested in his soulmate. So many people had romanticized the whole soulmate ideal so a lot of people forgot that relationships still took work, took effort and just because they were made for each other, didn’t necessarily guarantee that they would stay together. His mom and dad didn’t officially talk anymore, but when he asked his mom as a child whether or not she still saw color, she said that she did. He also found long letters in her bedroom when he was nine, letters from his dad, so he supposed they still talked together, though Kuroo wasn’t let in on it – nor was he particularly interested. And he definitely we wasn’t interested in ending up in a relationship with someone who would end up not wanting to put in the effort for the relationship to flourish.

After Cucumber had been picked up by his mom it was time to leave for Kenma’s place. He carried the last boxes of valuables down to his basement and locked them in before trekking down to the subway with his suitcase and sports bag.

_____

You were late for work, so you scrambled to pack your things. It was Wednesday afternoon and you were supposed to meet in at 3PM, because that was around the time that Kodzuken had planned to finish his recording, he told you yesterday. You were a video editor and had met Kenma through your old part-time job in his favorite convenience store quite a few years back, back when he had first bought his house when he was 24. You remembered talking to him about video games in the store since you also played some, and after a good while of polite customer service and talk about new games, you had started hanging out outside of work as well. When you had then told him you were actually a freelance video editor but just didn’t get many jobs, he had almost instantly hired you to do his YouTube videos for him and general editing and set-ups of his streams. I know video games, not recording equipment, he had told you so many years ago.

Your original thought had been wary, because working for a friend might get messy but Kenma cared a lot about keeping it professional when you were on the clock, which you appreciated very much. In his house, down by his game room, there was a room next door with screens and all the best editing software just for you to play with. Your pay was higher than average for such a “simple” but regular gig but when prompted about it, he simply shrugged and told you it wasn’t up for negotiation and no one was being treated unfair – and who were you to go against such a good pay for a job that you loved doing and wanted to do full-time? With Kenma being a famous streamer and gamer, he often made lots of different videos for various sites so your job hours resembled a nine to five job, easy, even if the hours were off from the more conventional jobs and you usually came in later in the day and sometimes finished off late in the evening – some of his videos had a time limit for a release date of a game, so there was also days where you were extremely busy and scrambling to get the video done right for a release of a game.

As you closed your bag and ran out the door towards the subway, you checked your phone for any updates. If he’d finished early, he would’ve texted you about it, so you put your phone in your pocket and hurried towards his house.

When you arrived you immediately rang the doorbell before catching your breath, you were used to Kenma spending a few minutes before reaching the door and opening it, so when the door opened almost instantly you took a step back before looking up. The one opening the door was taller than Kenma and in a loose dress shirt that was unbuttoned at the top - that’s all you saw before your eyes darted down to your feet.

“...Hi! I’m uh… Where’s Kenma?” was all you got out while fidgeting with your purse strap, it certainly wasn’t his boyfriend Hinata opening the door today.

“Oh, hey! You must be his video editor, right? He told me about you!” The man said, pointing to himself with his thumb,

“I’m Kuroo Tetsurou! Kenma’s childhood friend! Sorry to intrude, I’ll be living here for the next month, I promise not to get in your way!” As he finished his introduction, he moved aside so that you could enter. As you took off your shoes you heard Kenma’s feet shuffling towards you, “oh hey, welcome, you’re early,” Kenma said with his usual deadpan expression but you could clearly hear the teasing in his voice.

“At least I’m here now, right?” You smiled back, instantly relaxing at the sight of your boss and friend. You turned to Kuroo again, bowed and introduced yourself before taking off your coat and putting it on a hanger, while Kenma and the guy named Kuroo seemed to bicker a bit about whether or not Kuroo should answer the door while he lived there.

“I’ll go set it up, have you transferred the video files to the hard disk?” you asked Kenma as you moved towards ‘your’ office, sending Kuroo a polite smile while keeping your eyes on his neck.

Eye contact was hard for you, it always made you extremely uncomfortable and you didn’t really have any before you felt comfortable with the person. Your mother had often scolded you, saying you’d never find your soulmate at this rate, which you always acknowledged with a hum or a simple yes without starting a discussion.

You honestly weren’t sure whether or not you cared for a soulmate. Your biggest argument to wanting to find one was so that you could see colors, because it’d help your career. Kenma already had his soulmate, so he was the one deciding the color scheme for his videos and helped with the color-related editing, which worked fine as of now, but you would probably appreciate to be able to do it yourself. You had also spent some years coming to terms with your struggles with eye contact and accept that this was just how you functioned. If you missed your soulmate in a random supermarket thanks to it one day, well, you’d be none the wiser, so you felt sure you’d survive without one, but you also couldn’t deny that the sound of a soulmate sounded really nice and comforting. That someone out there existed to fit you, that you were born to love someone who was also meant to love you. You were sure that finding your soulmate wasn’t a dance on roses, it was sure to still be hard, frustrating and maybe even painful sometimes, but you also couldn’t just have all the good, there was a balance that was sure to exist within soulmates as well.

After hours of going through the raw footage from his video game play and slowly editing while watching it, you popped your shoulders and stretched your arms for a moment, yawning as you did so. Your hours were always a bit intense, but that couldn’t be helped when you had six hours of raw footage to work with. Looking at the clock you saw that it was 5.30PM which meant that soon Kenma would wake up from his pseudo-sleep (which was more like a nap in your opinion) to look at your process and ask what you wanted for dinner.

Soon after a soft knock was heard followed by the door opening slowly, Kenma standing in sweats and a hoodie with bags under his eyes, “do you like hotpot?” he asked, and you smiled at him, “sure, are you cooking tonight?” he yawned while he shook his head, “Kuroo is. He insists on a ‘fulfilling meal’, whatever that means.”

You giggled before beckoning Kenma in to see some of what you’ve done so far and making minor adjustments along the way. “Now, something smells delicious and I’m thirsty,” you stated after the two of you had talked a bit about the rest of the video’s plans. As you went towards the kitchen you could hear the sound of of a nameless tune being hummed, pans sizzling from something being cooked and kitchen utensils being used.

Inside, the table was already set with plates and prepared ingredients lying ready for the pot that Kuroo was just about to put on the table. It seemed he had made an endless supply of different side dishes and really put in a lot of work for it, so you looked really forward to eating it and it smelled delicious. You grabbed a glass from the set table and went to the sink to get some water and just as your hand reached it, Kuroo had extended his hand as well to the sink and you accidentally touched.

You both recoiled as if you had been burned and you couldn’t stop the gasp that accidentally left your lips. A feeling was rushing through your body you hadn’t experienced before and you immediately apologized to Kuroo and went back to the table, foregoing the water. You didn’t notice how Kuroo was frozen in place from when he touched you before Kenma called out to him and he immediately started moving again.

You ended up eating shortly after, Kuroo serving the food and talking animatedly about him and Kenma’s childhood, making you laugh quite a bit at their (or more, Kuroo’s) antics and their volleyball days. Kuroo was the type of person to make you relax in his presence and have fun which you didn’t even notice until you got home later that evening and really thought about what a great time you had had. You found yourself surprised by how easily you clicked with Kuroo, a total stranger. It must be his charm, you thought to yourself before going through your night routine. You had to come back tomorrow and finish work, after all. You estimated the video would take you a few more days to finish but that would end up fitting well with the weekend coming, so as you went to bed you felt yourself more relaxed than you had in a while.

_____

“What are they like?”

It was Friday and it seemed you had finished Kenma’s video and therefor you weren’t here for dinner – for the first time in a few days, which did let down Kuroo just a tiny bit. He had talked a lot with you during dinner preparations when you came out from the office and during dinner as well and while you did answer all his questions (which, he admitted, there were quite a few of them) and follow up with your own for him, it still felt… off… talking to you – and Kuroo didn’t like not knowing why. “What do you mean?” Kenma asked, taking another bite into his mouth.

Kenma swallowed a piece of meat before looking up at Kuroo who was stabbing his plate with his fork in what seemed like a useless purpose. He knew he was being a little weird but meeting you was weird, even though he had no reason to explain why.

“I mean, is this how they usually act?” He didn’t even know what that question meant or why he was even asking it, nothing made sense! But he had a desperate feeling that he needed to get to know you – he was afraid of what that implied and what suspicions he needed to hold onto, but he was sure it was his gut telling him you were dangerous for Kenma to be around – that had to be it! Kenma was his best friend, his childhood friend, it had to be a gut feeling meant to protect him!

“Who knows, they’re being more polite than usual, I think. But that makes sense,” Kenma replied calmly before adding, “I mean you are a stranger who’s really intent on being social with them over our dinners, they were a bit shy as well when I met them,”

Kuroo nodded and finally took a bite of his own food. He didn’t notice Kenma’s raised eyebrows or the questioning look that was sent his way, so Kenma decided to let the subject rest.

Not seeing you today felt weird to him too and he couldn’t help the irritation building up inside him – you had just met a few days ago and only in the evenings when he was done with work and ready to make dinner – and yet, the thought of you kept invading his mind. He had gotten through work today thinking you were going to be there for dinner so when he came home and found out you wouldn’t be there, the first seed of irritation had been planted – why was he suddenly looking so much forward to seeing you? Had it been like this yesterday too? Why was it suddenly important that you weren’t there? He ended up sitting in front of the laptop in the guest room for the rest of the evening, the document left open and completely untouched.

Kuroo, however, didn’t let the subject rest in his head for the rest of that evening. Hinata was in town, having time off after a big game yesterday so Kuroo was left to his own devices – which really wasn’t a problem considering he had to make the paperwork for a promotional deal for a meeting Monday morning that he had procrastinated making – which wasn’t like him at all, he usually never pushed assignments to last minute and he then realized the reason he wasn’t done yet was because he had spent so much time over the dinner table with Kenma and you, talking even after dinner had been done for a while. You always offered to help him with the clean-up so you also spent some time talking there, drifting off to various subjects far passing the cleaning duties and sitting down again with a glass of water.

He enjoyed your company, it felt... easy, somehow, the sensation that something was off was there but it didn’t really settle in his stomach until every time after you left, as if it was left to grow a bit from a small sensation to a problem, which worried him – Kuroo prided himself as an impeccable people-reader, he was captain for both the volleyball team in high school and college, he knew how to act around business relations so well because he could read them so flawlessly – so the feelings he got from you was unsettling and unreadable and it took some control away from him – and Kuroo always felt uneasy when he wasn’t in control.

____

Kuroo heard your name and almost got whiplash from how fast his head moved towards Kenma, “what?”

“I asked if we should invite them? To game night? Being three is a little annoying in Mario Party.”

“Oooh, that’s a good idea! I’d love to see them again!” Hinata happily exclaimed before taking another bite of the lasagna Kuroo had prepared tonight. It was Saturday and Kuroo had been in a daze the entire day, first at the office for a quick meeting with his boss about a potential partner he might be able to reel in soon and then doing his laundry at Kenma’s and continuing to try and make the stupid paperwork but ultimately failing before he had to make dinner.

“Isn’t it a bit late to invite someone? I mean, they could have plans already...” Kuroo tried, knowing what a pain it could be to be asked to something an hour before it happened and he didn’t want to let you go through that – that’s what he tried to tell himself, at least. In truth? He was a bit afraid of seeing you again, afraid of his potential reactions, since he had spent his entire Friday in a stupor just thinking about you. His thoughts didn’t mean much for Kenma and Hinata though, who was already texting you to ask.  “Oi, no phones at the table, have you parents taught you no manners?” Kuroo chided and Hinata immediately shrank back and apologized – Kuroo smirked, yea the Chibi-chan still had respect for his seniors. But he was quickly pulled back to thoughts about you by Kenma’s phone lighting up again, “they’ll be here in an hour. They’re asking if they should bring anything?” Kenma looked up to gauge Kuroo’s reaction, having noticed something about his friend had been off the past few days. He immediately made a funny grimace before turning it into a smile. “Yea, they can bring a bottle of white wine, if I have to beat you all at Mario Party, I would very much like to be a tiny bit buzzed,” Kuroo said, and Hinata looked at him with wide eyes, “you drink wine!? So grown up!” Hinata exclaimed, to which Kenma just muttered, “or just an old man…” Kuroo didn’t hear that though, too busy to fidget with his hands under the table, suddenly feeling nervous that you were showing up.

Hinata plopped down between Kuroo and you with a controller in hand, “I’m gonna beat you all in this Mario Kart!” to which you laughed loudly, “good luck since we’re playing Mario Party.”

“Huh? Is there a difference?” Hinata asked, making Kuroo belt out a loud laugh as well, holding his stomach, “you just told us you’d beat us but you don’t even know what we’re playing!” Kuroo couldn’t contain his laughter for a bit until he noticed how you were looking at him and instantly retracted his laugh, sitting up straight with a cough, and apologizing for being loud, which confused him to no end. He had never been self-conscious of his own laugh! He knew it could be obnoxious and loud, but he also liked it himself, and-

“That’s a really cute laugh.”

The comment earned you the stares of the century from the three other people in the room, with Kenma in genuine shock – he wouldn’t say he disliked Kuroo’s laugh, just that it was… special.

“Uhm… Uh. Thank you?” Kuroo could feel that his blush went all the way to his ears but he hoped that the light in the living room wasn’t bright enough to catch it. “Yeah uh! Sure! Mhm,” you awkwardly coughed a bit as well before reaching for your glass of wine.

You had brought a bottle of white wine for Kuroo on the promise that you’d get a glass too, saying he was your first friend who also liked wine. The word ‘friend’ had dumb-founded him and he’d just answered “you can have it all,” to which you had laughed and said it’s fine with half, you weirdo.

The game was about to begin but Kuroo was still sitting stuck on the fact that his laugh was cute – cute? Had anyone else found it cute before besides Bokuto and his mom? He wasn’t sure – he sure couldn’t pinpoint them right now anyways. He tried to shake it off and focus on the game, though quite a bit of time was spent explaining the rules to Hinata who apparently had thought they were just playing Mario Kart.

When you were 12 laps into it, it seemed that you were set to win with your four stars and 121 coins. Kenma was right behind you with three stars and Hinata and Kuroo had been left in the dust with zero stars. You had stolen Kuroo’s first (and only) star early in the game, so he was plotting his vengeance in quiet but was getting afraid that the game would end before he could do anything to you – but just as his hopes were at the smallest during the last round of the game, you were put in the same team as him in the last mini game.

Kuroo had a wide smirk when you cheered and said, “this’ll be easy then!” because no, it would not be easy for you. If he had to go down in order to take you down a notch, then so be it. He’d rather Kenma win than you did with stolen goods!

The last mini game was “Tow the Line” where two players were put in a sewing box shaped with nine dots as a grid and two players tied together with a string and the objective was to make the shape with the string as shown in the middle of screen. As soon as the whistle sounded, Kuroo lowered his hands and stopped using his controllers, all with a big grin on his lips.

“Kuroo, what the fuck! Get moving, we’ve started!” you yelled at him as Kenma and Hinata won the first round, signaling the next round began, Kuroo started whistling and looking away from the screen, to which you got up from your seat, “fine, I’ll just take your controller and do it myself!”

Kuroo put his arm with the controller behind him, “nah-ah-ah! You’re not winning this, fiend! That’s what you get for stealing my star!” He grinned up at you with his eyes closed as you stood with your hands on your hips, “come on man! I stole that star in the fourth round! Kenma stole a star from me as well!” you tried, “maybe he stole the one that was yours, who knows! Get over it so we can win!”

But as soon as you’d said that, the third round had just been won and you sighed and flopped down on your seat again, “not cool Kuroo, not cool. I’ll remember this!”

You both laughed as the game made ready to announce the winner, Kenma and Hinata entertained by your antics.

“You can’t avenge something that I avenged in the first place! I only did it because you did me wrong, you know!”

“You can’t use logic on me, it doesn’t apply!”

To no surprise, you won the entire game, even winning one of the two bonus stars given at the end of the game.

After the last sequence and a bow from you there was a quick break before you decided to play some Mario Kart for Hinata’s sake, since his argument was that he lost due it being Party instead. You played quite a few hours and after another toilet break you had switched places with Hinata so Kenma could cuddle up against him. You yawned, drinking the last of the wine in your glass and said, “I should head home, I have a friend coming over for lunch tomorrow.”

Hinata and Kenma both started to get up to say goodnight but you waved at them with a smile, “I can walk out myself, it’s fine!” But Kuroo had already gotten up from the couch as well, so you walked with him towards the hallway where you put on your shoes. There was a comfortable silence between the two of you, which Kuroo noted and scowled a bit - he might have only known you for less than a week but for some reason he felt like it had been a lot longer, like you were old friends – it felt strange, to be so close with a stranger. He didn’t know anything about you, really. He knew your name, your job and how you liked some of your vegetables and which meat was your favorite, he knew you also loved cats but didn’t have one (he couldn’t remember if he knew why) and he felt pretty sure he would recognize you in a crowded area – why it was so intense, he was unsure of, he hadn’t tried meeting someone this way before. It had also seemed like having this game night had made you considerably more relaxed in his presence, even joking around with him instead of being polite, which made Kuroo somewhat giddy, though it didn’t really make sense to him as to why.

“I hope you had fun,” Kuroo said awkwardly, as if he had been the host and scratched the back of his head.

“Yeah, I did! I’m sorry I stole your star, though,” you laughed, buttoning your jacket.

“Nah, no worries, as they say, all’s fair in love and war, right?”

You giggled and picked up your bag from the dresser while Kuroo opened up the door for you. As you exited, you turned around with a bright smile, “well, thanks for toni-”

Everything ended up a blur, too bright, too much, too noisy, too… colorful? Kuroo was still looking into your eyes as all that went through him, completely blindsided. As he took a proper look, he could see that you looked just as surprised as him, your eyes wide but still never leaving his either.

“Is… Is this? Are you? Is…” You asked after what felt like both days and milliseconds, I could stare at them so much longer, he thought to himself, the colors only making your face more clear to him. Had you really not had eye contact at all? Had you seen each other for several hours – more than a few times, without looking each other in the eyes at all? Kuroo was more baffled by this happening so late than the fact that it was happening.

He was about to say something, anything, when you promptly turned around, nervously yelling, “I-I uh, I gotta go! Goodbye!” as you hurried out of the driveway and down towards the subway.

“W-wait!” Kuroo belatedly and unhelpfully yelled out as you turned a corner, too late. You were gone. A hand was dragged down his face as a sigh left him, what the fuck had just happened? He obviously needed to talk to you about this, but he also needed to gather his thoughts about all of this, so he slowly closed the door and went back towards the living room, greeted by Hinata and Kenma who looked up at him curiously, “why did you yell?” Hinata asked with his head tilted.

“I think I just found my soulmate.”

#haikyuu!! #kuroo tetsurou x you #kuroo tetsurou x reader #hq x reader #waaaaah im so nervous about this!!!! i basically cranked it out in less than 24hrs ngl.... i had 1.5k of beautiful words before i came u #P WITH A WHOLE OTHER PLOT!!!! :-) #if any of u get the ref of the title i love u and we need to play mp together lmao <33333 #also kenhina and tsukiyachi is mentioned! #both reader and kuroo r A MESS #stay tuned for part 2!!!!!! #nohr.writing #half the battle series #im gonna dig a hole real quick to hide in hehehe #honestly im not sure this is entirely coherent i had so much.... i wanted to force into it im afraid some of it feels out of place but!!! #here we go!! face the fear lmao!!!!

[bbugyu]

if you wanted to go to the moon, he would take you there.

plot twist | crash zoom | happy ending

16.1k (lol) | joshua x afab enby!reader, fluff, humor, suggestive, reader is ace lol, youtuber au, chef au, swearing, drinking, detailed descriptions of meals, mentions of past trauma including sexual assault, i swear it's not that deep, lots of implied sex but none on screen (yet), watching movies and playing video games, yes i am trying to set up all my friends, would anyone get it if i said r&r

welcome to part two of classic!! please enjoy this tooth rotting relationship garbo in which i basically announce to the world that i have a disgusting crush on joshua. posting this later than intended but i started working five tens so i'm 😅 a little tired lol. but joshua makes it ok <3

when you mentioned offhandedly that you had never had bibimbap in jeonju, joshua practically dropped the groceries he was helping you bring up the elevator.

"how long have you been in korea?" he asked.

you looked at him, wide eyed. "four years?"

he squinted at you, jutting his jaw out. "and you've never gone to jeonju? it's, like, the food hub of korea. how the hell?"

"i…" you laughed, exiting the elevator when the doors opened. "i don't know? it's never been top priority, i guess?"

"okay, well it is now," he stated plainly, following you to your door while you adjusted your bags in your hands to punch in the code. as soon as the groceries were safely on your counter, he pulled out his phone. "friday to sunday?"

you looked up from the vegetables in your hands. "what?"

he looked at you. "we're going. this weekend? i need to reserve the ktx tickets."

you laughed. "this weekend? joshua, it's wednesday."

"okay, next weekend?"

you stared at him a second, purely because you were in disbelief. "no, i have a demonstration next saturday."

he exhaled, looking at the calendar on his phone. "okay, and jamie's birthday party is the weekend after, so," he paused, looking at you through his lashes. "this weekend?"

you pushed your hands onto the counter and sighed heavily. "when would we leave?"

he grinned, knowing that meant he had won you over. "after i get off work? i can be here by 3:30."

"how long is the train?"

"uhh," he quickly searched for the tickets. "two hours. less than. we can buy snacks for the ride and have dinner when we get there."

you chewed your lip. "i have to edit on sunday, so we can't stay all day."

he nodded, inspecting the time table for tickets. "stay two nights, leave after breakfast?"

you considered that for a second. "i could bring my laptop and export footage on the train."

a smile crept across his face when you puffed out your cheeks in thought. "is that a yes?"

your cheeks deflated as you exhaled. "fine."

"yeah?" joshua grinned at you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and tugging you into his chest. "jeonju this weekend?"

you exhaled again, your arms reluctantly winding around his torso. "yeah. jeonju this weekend."

"you're gonna love it," he said, pressing his lips against your temple. "i helped on an article about hole in the wall finds there years ago, so i know all the good spots."

you giggled, pulling away to look at him with a quirked eyebrow. "you used to write for the magazine?"

he shook his head at you. "when i was interning."

"aw," you poked at his cheek. "intern joshie?"

he rolled his eyes, separating himself from you as you giggled, and he looked at you slyly from the corner of his eye. "joshie?"

you grinned, reaching out to pinch his cheeks. "joshie!"

he laughed and batted away your hands. "joshie?"

you: i think i'm finally packed

joshie: i don't understand why it was so difficult when we're going for Two Days.

you: 😡

joshie: 😘

as promised, he arrived at your apartment in a cab and stubbornly took your roller suitcase despite your insistence that you could handle it. joshua was always doing things like this - for you, you imagined, he would probably even lay down his jacket in a puddle so you wouldn't have to walk through it. but at the same time, he wouldn't fault you for kicking his jacket aside and purposefully jumping in it instead. he would probably join you, even.

he had joked with you that this would be like a work trip for you, but only because he was the one that suggested you film - plus, he reminded you, filming a full video this weekend meant that you didn't have to film next week. and to be perfectly frank, you wanted the break. if you could have a weekend getaway with joshua and then a week long break to have a normal routine without a camera, it was a win-win.

equipped with coffee and cafe sandwiches, you casually kicked your feet and happily sipped at your americano as you edited a picture of it for your instagram story. joshua sat beside you, also doing something on his phone, and you watched him with no intention as he pulled his airpods out of his coat jacket and offered one to you. you looked at him, smiling when he gestured with the open case again.

"i made a playlist," he said quietly as you put the airpod into your ear. he took the one you left and did the same, tapping on his phone.

the thought of joshua hearing a song and thinking of you making your chest flutter to life, the heat rising through you until you were left in a comfortable glow, smiling softly at him as a melody started in your ear. he looked back at you, double taking slightly when he realized you were looking at him.

"what's that look for?" he asked, a sideways grin breaking his face in half.

you shook your head, unable to change your face. "that's, just... really nice."

"making a playlist?" he hummed, settling back in his seat as you stuck your straw between your lips. "i didn't consciously do it. i just started a list of songs to show you because i thought you would like them, and this ended up being a good time to share it."

you sighed dramatically, falling back against the window of the train. "that's even nicer, you dickhead!" he laughed, shushing you and looking around, worried someone might have understood your slightly-above-inside-voice exclamation. "i know for a fact i didn't do anything to deserve the sweetest, handsomest, loveliest boyfriend on the planet, so what's the catch, mr. hong?"

his eyes went to the ceiling as he thought, kneading his lips once before saying, "i think you forgot funniest, too."

"ah," you said, a dry chuckle following the realization. "that's the catch."

"hey!" he laughed, eyes big as he pretended to be offended. "i know i'm funny!"

you giggled with him, mentally noting that you liked the song that he was playing. that he must have somehow picked up on why you liked the music you did. you thought about how you had the same thought, sometimes, when you were listening to music alone in your room and a song popped up on your discovery that sounded like something he would listen to. how you would immediately text them to him, knowing you would forget if you didn't send it right away, and he would react with some assortment of positive emojis. how he must have been doing the same thing, but wanted to be there when you heard them, and didn't have the same flighty memory as you. you brought your straw to your lips again, staring after him as he adjusted something in his bag, taking too long to refocus your attention to story you had been trying to post.

he later nudged you, getting your attention as you responded to an email on your phone, gesturing his finger with the melody, and you gave him a childlike look of awe, as if to tell him that yes, you agreed, this was exactly the kind of run you really enjoyed. he pounded a fist against his knee at the beats, pointing up at the key change, and you exploded into a stifled laugh, your palm covering your mouth. he laughed with you before he showed you the now playing page on his phone, holding it open dutifully as you quickly searched for it to add to your own library.

as promised, joshua provided great insight for the food tour the two of you set out on. travel day, he had told you, meant that you would have something easy - bibimbap and makgeolli at two of the best places he knew, apparently. by the time you made it back to the hotel room you had checked into before headed to the bar, you just about collapsed onto the queen bed.

"i'm so full," you exhaled, eyes dancing across the ceiling. "i'm never gonna move again."

joshua just laughed at you, toeing both of your shoes aside at the door before shuffling into slippers. "we have a full day of eating tomorrow, so you better move."

you let our a breathy laugh, rolling your head to watch as he flopped onto the bed beside you. "i'm glad you also plan trips around the meals."

he gave you a puzzled look. "is there another way to plan a trip?"

you rolled onto your side, tucking your arm under your head to look at him. "some people like sightseeing. or activities."

his brows were still ruffled in confusion as he looked away from you. "i like looking at food. and the activity of eating food."

you giggled, and his face finally broke to reveal the bewilderment had been a bit all along, his smiling laugh meeting yours.

you walked a lot the next day, and you were grateful for the light exercise to help your digestion a bit between meals. the local famous kalguksu for breakfast, a visit to a cafe for coffee before walking down a historical street together. you filmed with a smile on your face, shaking your americano for camera with a colorful background, just for you to pull down the drink and let the beautiful buildings and trees take the focus.

joshua could watch you forever, he was pretty sure. watching you conceptualise what you wanted this out of the ordinary video to look like, seeing the way you managed to be present with him, joking and giggling on your scenic walk, but squeezed his hand in warning before letting go, telling him quietly you wanted to get a shot. he had seen the way you filmed food, and how you filmed your kitchen, which was incredible in its own right, but this was the first time he got to see your process on the fly. when you went to work, as it were, taking in your scenery and deciding the way you wanted to portray it - more thought went into this than filming at the same barbeque restaurant for the fifth time, but joshua saw the similarities in the way your eyes twinkled when you saw something through your camera lens for the first time, even if only the first time that day. the way you would review the footage quickly, smiling at the way it turned out, but announcing that you were taking a second shot for safety.

then, he took you to another restaurant.

you barely noticed the passage of time, but when he conveniently "happened" upon the next stop on your food tour, you were pretty sure your stomach growled at the thought of eating an insane amount of dumplings, and you smiled at him in a way that made him want to cause it constantly.

if having your pick at dumplings was enough to make you giddy like a child, the night market was life altering. the food stalls were set up like they always were friday and saturday nights, joshua told you, and that meant you got to experience korean street food in a way you hadn't yet. you found the best pad thai you had ever eaten, succumbed to the tempting smell of grilled squid when passing a busy stall, and you even got served alcohol practically in passing, the specialty liquor being offered in a way that was hard for either of you to say no to. after a few too many, you had to stop joshua before he dragged you to a choco pie stall.

"we should eat more first," you said, gesturing to a woman making hashbrowns on a griddle. "while we have free hands. loop back around for dessert and buy some for the road."

joshua tapped his nose, then wagged his finger at you. "smart and hot."

you laughed, pulling him towards the hashbrown stall.

that night, you laid in bed beside each other, talking like you hadn't just spent literally the entire day together. recalling highlights of the day, sharing related anecdotes with assorted friends and family. you didn't even want to sleep - your body did, sure, clearly, by the way it kept interrupting your conversation with yawns. joshua would laugh, then yawn in response, and tell you that you should sleep. you would shake your head, a pout on your lips, and he would just smile and keep talking about whatever the yawn had interrupted.

being in bed with joshua wasn't demanding, nor was it uncomfortable, and you were pretty sure that meant something good.

you were making curry. he had mentioned that it looked good while you were watching some show the week prior and you couldn't get it out of your head. so, even though it was midsummer and far too warm for something as hearty as japanese curry, you decided you needed to make it anyway, if only for your own peace of mind. you invited joshua over to cook dinner for him, and he asked where your camera was when he arrived with your requested potatoes (you had some, except they were older than you thought and started sprouting), but you told him you weren't filming tonight.

"this ones for us," you said matter of factly, giggling when he looked shocked. "i don't film every meal, y'know. sometimes i cook things just for me."

he watched you dump the potatoes into the sink to wash. "what if it ends up being really pretty?"

"josh," you said, looking at him. "i don't make things that aren't pretty."

he asked if you needed help with anything, but you just shook your head and told him to relax. that you had made this a million times, and that you could do it with your eyes closed. he asked again if you were sure, and you laughed, scrubbing potatoes and using your shoulder to get your hair out of your face.

"actually," you said, raising the wrist on which you kept a hair tie. "do you know how? my hands are wet."

joshua smiled and nodded, coming over and pulling the tie off your wrist, careful to not get it too wet on your hand. "how high?"

"ariana," you said, making him laugh as you giggled. "as high as you can manage, but i don't really care."

he just smiled, taking your hair in his hands as you washed the potatoes one by one, and you tried to ignore the way you heart skipped a beat when you felt his touch drift across the back of your neck. he gently gathered it all in one palm at the crown of your skull, brushing through it with his fingers. "here?"

"perfect," you said, chewing your cheek and smiling. he pulled the band over your hair, tying it off tightly and pulled at the hair gently to keep it in place.

his hands glided over your waist, leading his arms to wrap around you as his chin landed on your shoulder. "not too tight?"

you shook your head, smiling. "you're multi talented."

"i have a sister," he reminded you, then put a kiss on your cheek.

you managed to convince him to sit at the counter, and he smiled and laughed with you as you conversed about anything that came to mind. he talked about his latest work antics, and you told him about a café you found the day before that you really enjoyed. he watched you skillfully chop vegetables and prepare chicken, flitting around your kitchen with a familiarity that could only be fostered by time. he glanced at the time on his phone, then looked at the door behind him that led to a bedroom.

"is karol here?" he asked. she normally would have emerged to say hi by now.

you looked at him before going back to pan frying the chicken. "no, she's in busan this weekend with some friends. she'll be back sunday night."

an alarm went off in joshua's head, and he tried not to think too deeply about the fact that you had invited him over while your roommate was away. sex hadn't even been a discussion on the table yet, but not because joshua didn't want it - because, frankly, he wanted it - he was just more concerned about you and your wants. for most things, he felt as though he had learned your thoughts and opinions naturally over the last few months, but outside of a few passing jokes, you hadn't ever mentioned how you felt about sex in general, much less sex with him.

so he stared at you, suddenly unable to ignore the fact that you were wearing shorts because of the weather, but they were hidden under the hem of the neutral toned apron he saw in your videos every week. or the way you smiled at him as you talked, your eyes glinting with mischief when you made a joke at his expense, but only made him laugh and want you more. he stood and came around the island, standing with his hip against the counter as the two of you continued conversing and you added the roux cubes to the pot.

his eyes never left you or your actions, and you noticed the way he inched towards you as your cooking became less involved and began to wrap up. you didn't argue when he put his arms around you again, watching you stir the curry with his cheek against your ear. he wasn't in your way, not even when you reached over to pull a spoon out of a drawer to give it a taste and make sure the seasonings were right, so you instead just enjoyed his presence.

you hummed, licking your lips briefly as you appraised the flavor. "not bad," you said, using the ladle you had been cooking with to pour more into the spoon you had just used to taste. you blew on it, then displayed it for joshua, who looked at you in his peripherals before accepting the bite.

"oh, wow," he said, making you giggle as you put the spoon aside. "that's better than a restaurant."

"thanks," you said, tapping the ladle on the side of pot to get the excess back in the pot, a spot of sauce landing on the back of your hand. you put it on the spoon rest next to your stovetop and replaced the lid on the pot of curry, quickly turning the burner to low. "now we just wait for the rice to pop," you said, spinning in his grip and licking the spot off the back of your hand.

joshua stared at you, desperately wishing in that moment that he wasn't such a damn man, because it was clear in your eyes that it was a completely innocent action. you got some of the delicious sauce on your hand, so why would you wipe it off when a towel wouldn't appreciate it like your tongue would? you wouldn't, obviously. he wouldn't have, either, if it had been his hand. but here he was, gaze fixed on your mouth as you pulled your hand away from it, and one of your eyebrows raised when you noticed.

"can i help you?" you asked, glancing down at his lips when he involuntarily leaned into you.

"i-" he swallowed. "sorry, i'm just-"

in that moment, you registered what his gaze meant. and while you were fairly oblivious to most things, you were far from innocent, so you put your arms over his shoulders and knit your fingers in his hair. "you're just?" you prompted.

there was a chuckle on his lips as he backed you against the counter, and he shook his head lightly. "i just think it's insane how into you i am."

joshua had this way of kissing you that made you think his life depended on it. he kissed you like you were in the final scene of an apocalyptic movie and he had come to terms with the fact that this was the end. like he knew that if your lips left his, he would magically disappear before he could tell you how much you meant to him. like he could stop time as long as he had you pressed against him with his hand on your jaw, but the sun was setting and he wasn’t ready to say good night.

when he finally pulled away from you, you were trying to catch your breath as his hands ran down your waist, and you stared into his eyes. his lips were parted, and his fingers gripped at your hips in a way that you knew meant he wished there were less layers between your skin.

your mind raced, thinking quickly back to how long the two of you had been seeing each other. how long you had known that you were interested in keeping joshua around for the long term. you wracked your brain, thinking about when people normally took the next step at your age, finding a discrepancy in the timing. you had made him wait for so long, but this was the first time you had noticed him trying to bed you - though, this was hardly subtle, so perhaps you had missed signs earlier? hell, the two of you had even shared a bed at this point, but you were pretty sure he hadn't tried anything then, either. you considered the fact that this relationship had gone for over two months without so much as a hint to take the next logical step, and you decided that joshua was definitely the only guy you had met in years that you would be willing to allow under your covers.

"the curry can sit for," you started, blinking rapidly as your mouth caught up to your mind. you swallowed once. "well, until tomorrow, technically, but-"

joshua's lip quirked upward. "did you invite me over to have me stay the night?"

"not-" you exhaled. his tone was slightly accusatory, but only playfully, and you found yourself more flustered by the question than you would have liked. "not consciously, but…" your eyes studied his face. "do you want to?"

"are you kidding?" he asked, making you breathe out a laugh, his forehead landing on yours. "did you not hear me when i said i was insanely into you?"

the rice cooker beeped, drawing both of your attention as it sang out a small tune to alert you it was finished. you looked at joshua. "are you hungry?"

he looked back at you, a smile sneaking on his lips. "i mean, working up an appetite wouldn't hurt, right?"

he let you lead him to your bedroom, which he had only been in once, briefly, when he had helped you put some lights away. the two of you admittedly spent most of your time in kitchens or restaurants, the remainder of your alone time being split between joshua's car and a couch to watch a movie, but joshua thought your taste suited his as he glanced around again, and that he would happily lose time in bedrooms with you. you kissed him again, and he was quick to pull you against his body, leaning into you, making you giggle as you bent backwards at the hips. "josh."

"what?" he asked, giving you a half lidded smile as his hand found your jaw, pulling you back into him. "stop leaning back and i'll stop chasing you."

"i'm-" you giggled into the kiss he interrupted you with. "i'm not leaning back, you're pushing me."

joshua made you feel like you were out of your depth, but in a way that was more exciting than scary. it had been ages since someone had been able to surprise you, or had helped you surprise yourself, but today he was doing both. the last time you had let a man into your heart, it had been less than perfect, especially towards the end, but joshua felt like home. cozy. he made you feel safe. like he wouldn't let you fall backwards unless your mattress was waiting for you.

and when you fell, he crawled over you, connecting your lips again with a hand against your jaw, the other holding himself above you, and you tried to restrain a whine.

"josh," you said suddenly, pushing on his chest lightly, processing fully what was about to happen and a shot of anxiety running through your chest. "c-can i tell you something first?"

joshua paused his motions, studying your eyes, his expression skewing scared. "oh, shit, are you a virgin?"

"what?" your eyebrows creased, a laugh on your lips. "no, what the fuck, josh? i'm in my mid-twenties."

he blinked at you. "there would be nothing wrong with you if you were a virgin in your mid-twenties."

"i'm not a virgin, joshua."

"right," he shook his head slightly. "sorry, i don't know. what were you saying?"

you chewed at your cheek nervously. "i just. i haven't… been with a guy in a really long time."

his eyes examined your face, looking for a hint at what you meant, because if it was only what you were saying, he didn't understand why you were so worried. "okay?"

"like, really long," you reiterated.

"baby, i promise," he said, forehead against yours. "i promise you, i don't care."

you exhaled sharply, wishing you could just enjoy things normal people did. that you knew what people wanted out of these encounters innately, instead of having to overthink them. "like, i don't want to… i don't know. disappoint you."

"disappoint me?" his head bobbed backwards in shock. "how the hell could i ever be disappointed when you're you?"

your eyes shut, grateful that he could still make you smile when you felt so out of your league. "i just mean that i-" you paused, trying to figure out how much you were willing to say, and how much you could without ruining whatever mood had been fostered here. "i just don't really do this. like, i feel like i don't know how."

"baby," he said, pressing his lips to yours briefly. "honey, sweetie, darling," he continued, punctuating each name with quick pecks. "you could starfish and i would have the time of my life."

you laughed, a hand landing on his shoulder sharply as he smiled at you. "okay, i'm not that bad, jesus."

"i'm telling you," he assured. "i don't care. i don't care if it's been months or years or forever, i don't care." he paused, appraising your expression. "we don't have to do anything. i'd be happy to just kiss you for an hour and a half if you're not ready."

"no," you whined, crinkling your nose. "it's not that, i just…" you took a breath. "i might just need you to take it a little slow."

"well, baby, you're in luck," he said, giving you a teasing smirk as his lips closed in on yours again. "slow and steady is exactly how i want you."

karol had said you hated men. she hadn't been wrong. you hated a lot of men, and how they made you feel like a prisoner in your own body. you hated the men you had encountered in your past, who made you feel small and weak. ugly and only wanted for one purpose, disrespecting your boundaries, your presentation, and your being. you hated those men, and nothing would ever redeem them for you.

joshua was different, though. he wasn't like them, because even though you didn't say explicitly why you needed a little extra care, he was more than prepared to give it to you. without even needing specific direction, he paid special attention to your reactions. to your body. he waited until you were ready, and asking him for more. and even when he sheepishly admitted that he'd started carrying a condom in his wallet the month prior, you could only giggle and silently be overwhelmingly thankful that he was truly nothing like any man you had ever been with before.

you swore you had made the same recipe you always did, but your curry tasted sweeter than you remembered. maybe it was just that you were eating it in your underwear with a man that made you feel comfortable in your skin for the first time in forever, a home improvement show remaining unwatched on your tv as the two of you joked together.

joshua woke the next morning in your empty bed, and was only confused for a second as he looked around your white walls. he stretched once, then sat up, eyes meandering over your orange patterned rug (one he remembered describing as "groovy" when he had first seen it, which had made you laugh in that way he adored), then noticed your laptop had been turned on. it was saturday, he realized, and you were likely going to edit today so you wouldn't have to tomorrow. he decidedly did not peek, though he wanted to, and peeked out your bedroom door instead.

you were easy to find, standing in your kitchen with an oversized shirt on and your hair pulled out of your face as you formed rice balls. you looked up from your work, smiling when you saw him, placing the triangle of rice you had just made on the cutting board. "good morning!"

it was, he thought. it was a really good morning.

you teased him for hugging you in your kitchen while he was only wearing underwear, saying that he seemed to have made himself comfortable quickly. he just playfully ran his hands under your shirt, saying, well, what about you, then? making breakfast with no pants on?

"i live here," you said, giggling and using your hip to bump him away. "i pay rent. what do you do?"

his eyes darted away from yours as he thought. "sit still, look pretty?"

that made you laugh. "you are very pretty."

he grinned, taking the opportunity to pull you into his chest again. "you, too."

he looked at what you had made, noticing the pot on the stove for the first time.

"soybean paste soup," you said, reacting to his gaze, then pointed at the neat triangles of brown tinted rice in front of you. "mushroom riceballs, and i'm making tamagoyaki next."

joshua blinked at you after processing everything. "do you do this every morning?"

"not every morning," you giggled. "but i wanted to today."

weeks later, you were biting your pinky nail to oblivion as you scrolled through comments on the video you had posted earlier that morning. you were sitting on the couch in joshua's living room, your laptop perched on the arm and your boyfriend fixing something to eat before the two of you sat to watch a movie. you had made a risky move in your video - one you thought would have been fine, but clearly people read more into it than you expected. joshua came over for dinner earlier in the week, when you had made pasta with all the delicious fresh seafood the two of you had found at a market the day before, accompanied by a simple salad and white wine. karol was working late, so you had set some aside for her, but that meant it was just you and joshua in frame when you filmed your usual table setting shot.

people were speculating.

you knew it was inevitable, and a few comments had pointed out the man that had eaten sushi with you in the vlog that included your first date, but at this point, the comments were flooded with questions and hypotheses on who the mystery man could be. most assumed boyfriend - which, while true, made you feel slightly annoyed - and a few wondered if he was your brother, or close friend, but they all noticed that his hands and voice had become regular guest stars on your channel. that, while you still got meals with krys and karol, this nameless, faceless man sat opposite you more often than anyone else.

the jeonju vlog is what sparked the most comments. people suspected some amount of intimacy when they realized this guy was travelling with you, too, and you probably would have thought the same if it had been someone you watched regularly. you had been careful with the editing, only including clips with food and the scenery shots that didn't star him (while you had filmed a lot that did, those were just for your own personal record), but you supposed it was in peoples' nature to try and find a romantic plotline in your slice of life.

"josh?" you said suddenly, pulling your pinky from between your teeth. you heard his vague noise of acknowledgment and spun around on the couch to watch as he cocked his head at you from the kitchen. "should we go public?"

"uh," he paused, looking at the scallion pancake he was cooking, quickly grabbing the panhandle to flip it. "give me, like, two minutes and we can discuss? i'm almost done in here."

you puffed your cheeks out and nodded, turning back towards your computer. "okay, baby."

when joshua came into the living room, the spread he had quickly put together across a tray you had bought for him (because you wanted it, mostly, but karol would kill you if you brought more home), he put it on the coffee table and sat next to you, quickly addressing the subject again.

"people keep," you paused. his eyebrows raised, prompting you, but he only chewed on his bottom lip to let you take your time as you hugged your knees to your chest. "people keep assuming you're my boyfriend anyways, so i'm just thinking-" you exhaled sharply. "should we just say fuck it? just confirm that we're a couple?"

joshua studied you. "you've always been pretty private."

you chewed your cheek, putting your lips against your knees. "that's on purpose."

"you don't have to say anything you don't want to," he reminded you, rubbing a hand against your back. you put your chin on your knees and gave him your biggest doe eyes, making him smile. "they can speculate all they want, but you don't owe them an explanation."

you nodded lightly as you hugged your legs and looked around, briefly studying the tray joshua had brought over. he had quickly stirfried some vegetables, grilled the frozen pork belly slices he always kept on hand, and even cooked your favorite premade scallion pancakes, the spread complete with several side dishes you had made together earlier in the week and two bowls of rice. your brows knit together, fingers itching to film how neatly he had put together a light meal for the two of you because you had said you wanted to show him your favorite movie without interruption, and he knew you would be hungry soon.

"would you-" you cleared your throat, looking up from the food and finding his eyes. "what do you think i should do?"

he let out a breathy laugh. "does it matter? you'll do what you want anyways."

you whined, pushing his shoulder as your feet dropped from the couch. "i'm serious, your opinion matters here. would you be okay with being public?"

"you're joking, right?" he laughed, adjusting his posture, and grabbing your hand to folding it between his. "baby, you know i care about you, right?"

your lips pursed as you nodded, looking between his eyes shyly.

"and you know i would never try to say that i, like, own you, right? like, i don't claim ownership over you as a person."

you let out a short laugh. "right."

he held your hand tighter. "i want to tell every viewer of every single one of your videos that you are mine."

your cheek puffed out as you smiled. "really?"

"especially the reply guys, oh my gosh," he rolled his eyes, making you laugh. "there's a place i think you'd like! i could take you, smiley face. yeah, get lost, creep. move along."

your palm landed on your cheek as you laughed. "shut up, are you serious?"

"you don't see those?" his eyes wide when you shook your head. "baby, there's so many people trying to take you out in the comments. so many."

you giggled, pressing your lips together. "well, there's only one guy that gets to."

"that's right," joshua said, a proud look on his face. "the ultimate reply guy fanboy."

you pushed his chest, laughing again. "shut up."

you decided an faq would do, but in the style of your regular videos. you definitely didn't want to just sit down in front of your camera and talk through questions and answers - that wasn't your style, and would feel wrong uploading. so instead, you spent a few hours compiling questions you had been asked often and organized them in a way that made sense, planning on showing your daily life. questions like what camera you used, what your go-to quick breakfast is, where you bought the clothes you liked - it was easy to plan them out to create a vague storyline of your standard day. you woke up on a wednesday (a day you went to the studio, because many of your questions were about what goes on there), excited to film but slightly nervous. as you set up your camera for breakfast, your phone buzzed on the counter.

joshie: good morning, baby! you got this! can't wait to see you tonight 🥰

you: 🥺🥺🥺 thank you!

the day went well, filming your planned clips on the subway and at the studio, and when your coworker asked what all the questions you were filming for were, you sighed.

"normal stuff," you said quickly, taking off your apron after several hours of cooking and shooting. "favorite recipes, what equipment i use… y'know."

yunhyeong nodded at you, his eyes squinting slightly. "is that all?"

he knew you. he knew how you reacted when you were nervous. how you could practically hide it from anyone, but that certain subjects would always make your eyes look slightly panicked and your speech speed up. the worst part is that you knew he knew, and your facade was almost immediately broken.

"and if i have a boyfriend."

he stared at you for a second before he laughed in disbelief. it took him over a week of bugging you about the guy in your videos before you admitted you were seeing someone, and even then, you only did because joshua had started picking you up from the studio and - against your wishes - introduced himself to your coworkers. yunhyeong thought about how protective you were of your privacy, and how you had never revealed something as personal as a relationship online before - partly because none of the people you had gone on two or three dates with had been serious enough to reveal, but he mostly thought about how you barely even showed your own face. that you stayed mostly silent when you filmed, and if you had to speak, it was a voice that was only adjacent to your usual cadence, as if you were trying to create another barrier between you and your online persona. how you had mourned your grandfather's passing and uploaded your vlog like normal two days later, but called out of work for the week following.

"and you're telling the truth?"

you exhaled, wiping down the stove top now that it had cooled. "yeah, shua and i discussed it. people are speculating, anyways, and it's not like he's going anywhere any time soon."

yunhyeong nodded again, organizing the spices as he put them away. "i'm happy for you."

you looked at him. "what do you mean?"

"it's a big step," he said, purposefully keeping his eyes from you so you didn't get self conscious. "you haven't been this serious about someone the entire time i've known you. i think it's really great that you found someone you care about."

you watched him spin bottles to be label out as you considered his words. "thanks."

he peeked at you, smiling. "of course."

yunhyeong's words rattled in your mind as you walked to the restaurant joshua had agreed to meet you at, filming your feet as you went with the intention of answering a few random questions with on-screen text in the edit. someone you care about.

you thought about how joshua had said the same thing about you when you had asked if going public was something he would be comfortable with. the way it has made your heart flutter. you wondered, briefly, if perhaps this was something more than just caring.

when you were editing the video that saturday, you procrastinated on the last question as long as you could, and when it was the only thing left to do, you escaped to the kitchen to make lunch in favor of finishing the part that was haunting you. your bagel sandwich was delicious, but you could barely enjoy it, mind clouded by the task that made your anxiety peak for seemingly no good reason.

it took you too long to finish it.

when you showed it to joshua, wanting his blessing before you uploaded, he couldn't hide his giddy reaction.

"it's okay?" you confirmed, studying his face.

he nodded at you, lips pushed together into a lopsided smile. "it's really cute."

"cute?" you asked, clicking through the video. "that's good, right?"

"yes," he laughed, squeezing your shoulder to put a kiss on your head. "it's great. post it."

so you did. and while you had gotten a tiny bump when krys excitedly dragged the two of you onto her stream that afternoon, you had no way of predicting the way the rest of the internet picked it up a few weeks later.

"r/relationshipgoals," jeonghan read off his phone, leaning against your kitchen island along with several of your friends that had come over when they saw the two of you on their newsfeeds unprompted. "'cross post from r/cutecouples, the most heartwarming boyfriend reveal you'll see this year.'"

"twitter, too," karol announced looking up from her own phone, seated in a barstool beside him. "you're a twitter moment. people found the clip from krys' stream, even."

you were on the counter opposite them, kicking your feet nervously to the beat in your head as you chewed your lip. you sighed and covered your face. "how long is this gonna last?"

"a while, hopefully," krys said, turning your laptop screen towards you. "your subcounts are insane right now."

you whined into your hands, making joshua appear at your side to put a hand on your spine. you took a breath at the touch, relaxing your tensed thighs on the counter. "it's okay to be nervous," he muttered at you. "but it's also kinda exciting, right?"

you exhaled deeply, letting your hands fall and your eyes trail to his before a smile broke on your face. "kinda."

so after you calmed yourself down, you managed to go through some of the posts about you, and you surprised yourself by letting them put a smile on your face. even the idea of having a public relationship had scared you shitless less than a month prior, but this… this wasn't so bad. seeing twitter repost the same video of you filming your feet as you walked into a restaurant, panning the camera up to reveal joshua sitting at a table and waving excitedly at you. the cuts you made to show clips that had landed on the cutting room floor of past videos - the footage you had taken of him pointing out the new wok you had started using a few weeks prior in a kitchen specialty store, and the goofy face he revealed after holding it in front of himself as he brought it back to you. the video of joshua grasping your hand, panning up to his playfully serious face as he dragged you down a boardwalk in jeonju, gesturing to the sunset. the unedited audio from your first date, when you had said something about it looking really good, and he had said something along the lines of how it would have been a waste if you hadn't recorded, and the two of you giggled together in a way that nervous new couples did. short bits of you swinging your camera around to reveal a laughing joshua as you tried to film quiet shots. a clip of him wearing a triangular menu on his head like a hat, acting as though it was completely normal.

you had a hard time believing anything you ever did would be viral-worthy, but even you had to admit, this was a pretty understandable thing for you to go viral for.

besides, it felt like it made sense for this to be the one thing about your personal life that ended up getting attention. it felt like he was an innate part of you at this point, and that you wouldn't be honest if you hid him.

it was august when he broke your heart.

"how could you?" you asked him, staring in disbelief. "you haven't seen lord of the rings?"

"okay, i lied," joshua said, still washing the dishes. "i saw them when i was a kid, but i don't remember them really."

"well, we're fixing that."

he looked at where you were sitting on his kitchen island - a well known habit of yours at this point. "today?"

"not today," you said, poking your toe at his hip. "this weekend, maybe? if we start now, we'll be watching til you go to work tomorrow morning."

he shut off the faucet and gingerly placed the pan he had just washed on the drying rack. "how many movies is it? i thought it was just three."

"it is," you said, laughing at his shocked look. "the extended editions are around four hours each."

joshua exhaled, leaning against the counter as he used a cloth to dry his hands. "you're lucky i like wasting hours with you."

you grinned, hopping down from your seat. "you're lucky i let you."

and that weekend, the two of you did just that - waste time, ordering delivery food for two meals as you camped out on the couch in various positions as the two of you got comfortable repeatedly. you couldn't help but recite specific lines, mouthing along with every word gandalf said like you had thought of the words yourself. you pointed out behind the scenes facts along the way, even, excitedly saying viggo broke two toes when he kicked that helmet, or how faramir's flames were a mirror trick. joshua watched you, because while he knew it was your favorite movie and he really should pay attention, he couldn't help but get distracted by his own favorite movie, and it starred you getting excited about something you loved.

you slept later than joshua that sunday, and when you emerged from the bedroom, you spotted krys sitting at the island with a plate of waffles in front of her, then found joshua leaned against the counter with a cup of coffee. he smiled when he saw you.

"i made breakfast," he said, gesturing to the counter.

you looked around at the spread as you walked over to him. waffles, fruit, bacon, and the promise of a fried egg upon request - a spread worthy of your own brunching standards. "what about second breakfast?" you asked quietly, in accented english.

joshua laughed, his arm wrapping around your midsection as you came over to kiss him good morning. "elevensies?" he shot back, in the same vague accent.

you broke your serious face to giggle. "luncheon?"

"alright," krys said, voice raised in annoyance when the two of you looked over at her. "i get it, y'all are in love or whatever, but can you have some respect for those of us who are lonely?"

you rolled your eyes, laughing at the fact that she had absolutely brought this upon herself by forcing the two of you together every chance she got, but joshua went cold when he heard her say the thing he had been thinking for a while, but was too scared to say out loud. the thing he felt when you grabbed his arm and told him that if he wouldn't let you carry the ring, then you could at least carry him with all the same dramatics as one samwise gamgee did. when you cried as frodo and bilbo sailed into the sunset for good, even though you had seen it a million times over. the sneaking thought that he was in love with you, but didn't know how to say so. he swallowed down the thought, shaking his head when you raised a questioning brow at him as you dished up a plate of waffles and fruit.

it didn't take you long to trust joshua enough to give him your door code so he could let himself in, but it took him a while to actually use it. he said something about not wanting to intrude, but you told him it was more intrusive to make you come to the door when you could possibly be doing important things and he was completely capable of getting in on his own.

"babe?"

you hissed. you had the thought right before you started this boss battle, that he would arrive before you finished and you would be trapped at your computer. you were right. "in here! gimme like two minutes!"

you heard him enter your room, and his bubbly laugh when he spotted your back at your desk desperately clicking your mouse and striking your keyboard. "wow, is this what you meant by important things?"

"please, please, please," you whined, intermittently squealing as you reacted to the enemy attacks. "i'll get off in a second i just need one more cleansing heart to ascend xin- fuck! not the stupid birds!"

he laughed again, his hand finding the back of your shoulder, thumbs pressing into the constantly sore flesh. you winced as he kneaded his fingers into your shoulder but exhaled, making him laugh lightly when you got knocked over by a boar. "hey, there's a boar there."

"yes, thank you, joshua." you quickly cracked a knuckle as soon as you had down time, sticking your neck out as he continued to massage your shoulders. "i think i have two more waves."

"waves? because it's a water level?"

you groaned into a reluctant laugh. "no shitty jokes right now, i'm trying to focus. normally krys and i co-op this one but she was busy."

he hummed, moving to stand next to you with his hand resting at the base of your neck. "wonder what she was doing."

"don't you live with her?" you teasingly asked, glancing up at him for the first time while sprinting across the platform, your game camera spinning uncontrollably when you suddenly pulled both hands to your mouth and gasped. "what the fuck, joshua?"

he stifled a grin, but it was completely obvious in his eyes as you stared up at him, blonde hair curled lightly to stay out of his face. "what's up?"

you stood from your chair, inspecting his head. "what the fuck?"

he laughed, wrapping his arms around you when you ran your fingers through his bleached locks hesitantly. "do you hate it?"

"i-" you blinked at him repeatedly. "what? no, i don't hate- what the fuck, joshua?"

"what?" he whined, eyebrows tenting at you even though his lips were still smiling. "does it not suit me?"

you held his head and squinted at him. "josh, you're hot. you look hot. but what the fuck?"

he laughed, finally planting his hello kiss on your lips. he watched the gears turn behind your eyes, puckered lips becoming a pout.

"did you go to a salon?"

he grinned. "krys did it."

you made a fist at him, scrunching your face for a second as you exhaled, looking down at the screen right as your last team member died, respawning at a statue. "that's why she used so many smiley faces when she said she was busy."

he put his lips to your cheek, smiling into your skin. "not bad though, right? you got a pretty handsome boyfriend."

and while you would have loved to roll your eyes and tease him, you were overtaken by a giggle as you turned your head towards him again, the tip of his nose gliding across your cheek. "yeah, i do."

his eyebrows went up. "wow, wasn't expecting you to admit it so readily."

you laughed, a light, carefree laugh, your palms on his jaw as you kissed him. "i have eyes, joshua." he just smiled against your lips, lacing his fingers together behind your tailbone, and you pulled away slightly to look up at his hair again. your hands went to his nape, fingertips against his scalp. "how long did it take? you have thick hair."

"we did three sessions," he said. "enjoy it while you can, it might fall out."

you laughed with him, brushing your fingers gently in his bangs again. "it feels fine, though?"

"yeah, i made this incredible discovery that i'm almost positive i'm the first to hear about it. it's called a hair treatment."

you batted at his chest, giggling. "shut up."

"make me," he said, the sweet smile on his lips making the phrase more playful than suggestive.

"i can't believe you surprised me with bleached hair," you said, plopping into your seat and exiting the game. "you know i hate surprises, right?"

"that's too bad," he said, his hand returning to rub against your neck. "i like surprises a lot. get used to them."

you puffed out your cheeks, sighing slowly. "usually people compromise."

"not on this," he stated. "i'm a gift giver."

"yeah, i figured that out when you got flowers sent to the studio on our one month anniversary, then again on our second, then here on our third…"

he was just smiling smugly at you when you stood again, maneuvering around him. "and you love getting them?"

you rolled your eyes, not even commenting when he playfully patted your butt as you went by. "they're always tasteful and it's nice to have some seasonal flowers for the counter."

"so you love them," he repeated. "because it sounds to me like you love them."

you laughed, reaching out to catch his hand in yours and pull him along with you as you exited to the main living area. "and what if i do? so what, joshua hong, if it makes my heart beat a little fast when we suddenly get flowers delivered and i realize it's the fourteenth? are you gonna call me a hypocrite because i vocally advocate that traditional chivalry is bullshit?"

he just listened to your playful accusation, more proving that you were self aware rather than egging him on. "no way," he said plainly. "you can still think traditional chivalry is bullshit, it won't stop me from trying to make you smile."

you felt your face heating up, your jaw dropping slightly to let out an annoyed huff. "cheesy, joshua. i'm offended."

"want me to make it worse?" he asked, wrapping his arms around your waist.

your hands landed on his chest as you squinted at his grin. "i'm scared."

he gave you a crooked grin. "happy one hundred days. i brought sushi."

your head whipped over to the counter, spotting the paper bag with a familiar logo. "from nori table?"

"of course, from nori table."

joshua had promised jeonghan that you would make an appearance as a couple at a party he was throwing the next day, and you found yourself almost nervous. you got on with jeonghan famously - almost enough to drive joshua insane - and you even warmed up to seokmin pretty quickly, but from what you had been told, jeonghan enjoyed partying, and you didn't really like getting drunk.

"you made it!" seokmin grinned big, spreading his arms to signal for you to let him wrap you in a hug. you laughed and greeted him, enjoying the friendly comfort, then watching him hug joshua after he let you go. "and you're blonde! life's good?"

"yeah," joshua said, making eye contact with you briefly as his fingers tangled with yours. "life's good. you?"

seokmin blinked before he said "yeah, good!" and your brow knit slightly before you consciously adjusted your face to hide the analysis of his hesitation happening behind your eyes. "this is your first time here, right?"

you nodded, smiling and following him as he led you into the crowded apartment. "yeah, it's been busy lately. but i finally made it to one!"

"well, you need to meet my friends," he said, continuously looking back at you even as he walked ahead, towards a corner of the living room. "you're gonna love them."

"aye, josh!"

you looked to the source of the call, spotting the guy pulling himself to his feet from his seat on the couch, arms wide in greeting to your boyfriend.

"hey, hosh," joshua said, a sideways grin on and his brows tented as he gave him a quick handshake into a hug. quickly, he put a hand on your opposite shoulder, pulling you towards him and quickly introducing you.

soonyoung initially went in for a hug after your introduction, but immediately noticed the way your eyes widened slightly and instantly pulled his arms down, leaving a hand extended for you to shake. you laughed, taking it, and apologized for not being a hugger.

"no worries," soonyoung laughed, and you wondered if he was always this pink in the face or if he had already started drinking. "seokmin will hug me, right?"

"everyone!" seokmin ignored him, pulling you towards the people gathered on and around the couch. he announced you to his friends then quickly went down the line - soonyoung, seungkwan, jihoon, dongmin, yugyeom - you repeated the names back to him like you would remember all of them, even though you knew you wouldn't unless they became regulars in your life, too.

jeonghan flitted by and expressed his greetings to you both some time later, intending to abscond with joshua for drinks and conversation elsewhere, but he stopped jeonghan from pulling him away before he put a hand on your elbow, looking at you meaningfully.

"i'll be okay," you told him, smiling. "go ahead."

he squinted at you. "you sure?"

"seokmin's here," you reminded him, nodding your head at the boy you had practically adopted as your own brother. "real quick, about soonyoung-"

he quirked an eyebrow at you. "what about him?"

you chewed your lip, smiling. "karol's been a little too focused on work lately, right?"

his eyes widened, thinking about your roommate. his eyes went to the man you had referenced, who was currently chanting something into seungkwan's face as he rolled his eyes. "karol?"

"what do you think?" you asked, looking back at soonyoung.

he blinked. "i think he'll drive her insane."

your eyes shone at him. "i think she'll love it."

he laughed incredulously, registering that you had asked his opinion instead of just doing whatever pleased you, and he wondered if that meant you trusted him. "you're right," he said finally. "try it."

"of course i'm right," you said, giggling against the quick peck he put on your lips. "remove him, jeonghan."

"finally," an impatient host shot back, rolling his eyes in a way that landed in a sly smile at you. "for what it's worth, i think your plan will work."

"didn't need your approval, but i'll take it," you said, smiling smugly at him. "i'll update you later."

the update you gave the next time you saw him, weeks later, was that karol had left the apartment every week since to go be with soonyoung somewhere fun and exciting, and you waved her off with a shiteating grin every week, culminating in the two of them arriving to krys' birthday party hand in hand.

jeonghan laughed, stealing a carrot stick from your cutting board as you arranged them into a rainbow themed charcuterie platter. "knew it. soonyoung loves women stronger than him."

you looked at him as he took a bite. "and karol loves someone she can take care of."

"look at us," he said, waving the half eaten carrot between the two of you with a lopsided grin on his face. "what a duo. we should hang out more. fuck joshua."

you laughed at him, then at the offended look on your boyfriend's face as he walked past. "now?" you asked eyebrows raised as you looked at him expectantly, and he laughed when he realized what the last words out of jeonghan's mouth were seconds before.

"please, this is a child's birthday party," he reminded you, and you laughed at the overexaggerated look he gave you to sell the joke.

you looked over to where krys was laughing with seokmin, soonyoung, and karol, then back down to your work as you nudged around quartered figs with a vague smile on. "seems like the kids are having a nice time."

jeonghan sighed, falling dramatically against the counter. "oh, to be young and in love."

joshua laughed. "karol's our age."

his cheek was planted in his palm, elbow on the counter as he gazed after the group. "i'm talking about seokmin and krys."

"what?" joshua asked, voice nearly cracking, and you let out an explosive laugh. "seokmin and who?"

"stop acting stupid," jeonghan waved ahand at him, then popping his eyes up to catch your look of solidarity. he pointed at you. "see? we're on the same page, which means we're right."

joshua looked at you and you raised your hands in surrender. "are you serious?" he asked. "my sister and-"

you landed a hand on his face, effectively shutting him up as you giggled. "shush, josh. just leave it, okay?"

"good idea," jeonghan sighed, straightening and picking up the platter you had finished. "dining table?"

"please," you responded, looking back and giggling when joshua looked just as dumbfounded as he had before you looked away. "she's an adult. seokmin's a good guy. let it happen."

he closed his mouth, stealing a glance at his sister. "he is a kindergarten teacher."

"and both your best friend and your partner love him," you reminded him. "she could do worse."

he gave you a look. "she has done worse."

"shut up," you said, pushing his shoulder in your friend's defense. "you've done pretty bad, too."

his eyes went to the ceiling, remembering the accidental altercation you had been forced to have with one of his more regrettable exes. "how many times do i have to apologize-"

"you don't," you laughed, putting your hands on his cheeks and focusing his eyes on yours. "but krys is an adult. she's allowed to judge her own partners, and even if she ends up being wrong, she's old enough to make her own mistakes."

joshua huffed, knowing you were right but not wanting to admit it. "sorry i'm trying to protect my one and only baby sister."

"yes, and you're adorable," you assured him. "best big brother ever. but it's her birthday, and if you don't start getting drunk soon, she'll be very upset."

drinking with joshua was fun. because he wasn't much different than yourself - he didn't get crazy, he didn't get loud. he just got loose. he let stupider jokes out, and he was more willing to join in on krys' performative comedy bits throughout the night. you found yourself falling onto a couch with him, giggling as he caught his breath after a particularly involved musical number.

the most fun you had drinking with joshua was in itaewon, long past midnight but still what you considered halloween. you had been dragging karol with you for years, but now you had a boyfriend, and she had a boyfriend, and you both had a new joint best friend, so it only made sense for you to get them all take the train ride out to your favorite part of seoul.

ratatouille. that was the only way you could get joshua to go with you. he wanted a couples costume and he wanted you to be the rat.

"this feels backhanded," you told him.

"do you want to be linguine?" he asked. "i can be sexy remy. i can find grey hot pants, but you have to be the one to attach the the tail because i have no idea what my butt looks like."

you laughed, resigning to your fate and buying the outfit online, then looked at him suddenly. "liar. i know you check yourself out at the gym."

"okay," he said, eyes on the ceiling as he herded a giggling you into his arms. "then… i want it to be accurate, so you need to attach it directly at my tailbone." he cocked his head at you after you settled into the hug. "i have to be wearing them, obviously."

"obviously," you said. "but unfortunately, i already ordered the body suit."

josh pressed his lips together and made a quick fist in victory. "awesome. i-i mean! aww, well, that's fine, i suppose." he sighed dramatically, convincing absolutely no one that he hadn't wanted this outcome all along. "i'll be linguine."

"i don't feel like fighting a bunch of gays in itaewon for your affection anyways," you said, making him laugh and kiss your cheek quickly before pulling away.

"grilled cheese?"

"is that even a question?"

it wasn't a question when you were weaving through throngs of bunnies and angels, either, holding hands with both him and his sister to not lose them in the crowd, karol and soonyoung trailing behind krys, all five of you on a mission to get carbs in you after starting the night off nearly too strong.

halloween in itaewon was different. it was special, you thought. you usually didn't like crowds, but this one felt good. halloween wasn't a celebrated holiday in korea, but with internet, influencers, and immigrants, the culture found its way into the new age scene. you loved an excuse to celebrate your favorite characters by paying them homage, and joshua had thought that was a noble enough reason for him to justify staying up too late and drinking too much.

you had just left the diner themed bar that you devoured griddle top sandwiches from, as well as another drink, and you spotted a familiar angel making a beeline for you.

well, not you.

"how many times have i tried to get you to come to itaewon with me?" jeonghan asked, pushing joshua's shoulder as soon as he could reach it.

joshua laughed, looking shocked by the sudden appearance of his friend. "you never agreed to be remy!"

jeonghan looked at you, and burst into laughter, making your jaw drop in indignance and whacking your fist against both their arms. "at least we're original. way to put in the effort, han."

he shrugged bringing a straw to his mouth, and you eyed the pink liquid that had clearly been funnelled into a water bottle. "i look better than all these clowns and you know it."

"there you are!"

jeonghan spun, the straw still in his mouth. "shit, i haven't lost you?"

seokmin gave him a sarcastic laugh, adjusting the shoulder of his soccer jersey as he walked up behind him, quickly adding to your small circle as he greeted you and joshua. you stepped aside suddenly, revealing the members of your party that had been lagging behind. "o-oh! it's all of you!"

you made brief eye contact with joshua, who was trying to not laugh at your less than subtle attempt. "you match!" you said quickly, pointing out that krys was dressed as a baseball player. "baseball, soccer," you trailed off, looking around for help.

"sports couple," jeonghan said loudly, slipping you a quick look. "cute."

soonyoung had to put his entire palm over his mouth to stop himself from exploding into giggles when seokmin went red in the ears and krys tried to change the subject as kindly as she could manage.

when you finally made it back into joshua's room, it was far too late (early? you could think about it more, but you preferred resigning to the fact that the passage of time was beyond you and moving on), the sun already starting to light the sky as it prepared to break the horizon. when you stole his toque of his head, he put his hand on your waist, backing you up against the closet door and gently working his lips onto yours.

you giggled, your arms landing on his shoulders. "aren't you tired?

"yeah, but," his eyes fluttering over your face. "i just really like you."

you were smiling when he pressed his lips to yours again. "i really like you, too, but we've been at a sweaty block party all night and we need to shower."

"together?" he asked, a spot of childish hope in his voice. "singular shower?"

you sighed on his lips, playfully threading your fingers against his nape. "if you want?"

the hot water felt especially good after trekking home in the cold without a jacket. and even though it was just meant to be a shower, he kept kissing you like it was something more, pressing you against the tiled wall and running his hands all over your shape. you couldn't stop giggling. pushing his hands away, saying you need to wash up, but giving him looks like you wanted him to keep going. you were running your hands over his chest, rinsing away suds, when joshua couldn't help but put a hand at the base of your neck, tipping your head slightly to deepen an already heated kiss.

"cut it out," you muttered against his lips, feeling them curve despite your eyes staying shut.

"cut what out?"

you looked at him, barely processing anything other than how incredibly handsome he was, even with his lashes stuck together with moisture and his hair slicked back against his head. "trying to fuck me in a shower stall."

he laughed teasingly, leaning into you again. "then why'd you agree to come in here with me?"

your back hit the tile again, and you giggled. "to save water."

and then he's kissing you again, a hand steady on your nape as he worked you open, tongue lapping against yours with a desperation that could only mean one thing. you whimpered dumbly, the squeaky whine escaping you with no difficulty as your hands ran up his chest, your grip longing for any amount of him you could get.

his lips leave you abruptly, asking if this was too much. if you wanted to stop. but you shook your head at him, hands eager to feel more of his shoulders, his neck, his scalp, despite your legs starting to give out. steam drifted between you when you told him your legs felt like jello from your full shift of partying, and if he didn't want to hold you up, you should probably take this to bed.

you were giggling as you frantically dried each other off, stealing kisses that were far too deep to be so short and longing touches that could have been interpreted as purposeful drying if you squinted hard enough, but felt much more like careful teasing. his hands felt right running up your body, and your hair was still damp, but that didn't bother either of you when you fell into bed together.

"i cant believe you want to fuck me when i was dressed like a literal rat," you teased.

he laughed, tugging your thigh up on his hip as his nose nuzzled against yours. "a sexy rat."

you giggled, lips parting when he kissed you. "a rat from a pixar movie."

he didn't miss a beat. "a sexy rat from a pixar movie."

you roll your damn eyes at him, and he just laughs, knowing that it mattered very little what you were wearing before, because now you were bare, clean, and safe in his bed, which was exactly where he wanted you for the rest of forever.

the sun was past its peak when you woke, stretching your sore spine and legs with joshua's arm draped over you. his hand seemed to wake before he did, finding your hip and squeezing gently as he took in his signature first breath of the day.

"g'morning." you smiled at his soft voice as he squinted at you, and you rolled into him to plant a kiss on his lips.

"it's almost two," you said finally.

he groaned, burying his face in the pillow. "too early." his grip around you tightened, making you giggle. "nap time."

you whined. "i wanna make coffee before it gets too late."

"i said nap time," he muttered, face still against the pillow.

"baby, i have a headache."

his head popped up, squinting at the bedside. "there's water."

you laughed incredulously. "i need caffeine."

he just pulled you tighter. "i need you here."

"wow," you said, wrapping your arms around him as he snuggled into your chest. "would rather i suffer from a caffeine headache for your own selfish need to cuddle than let me escape for two minutes to make a coffee and come back?"

he smiled, rubbing his cheek against your sternum. "mhmm."

you giggled, carding your fingers through his hair and resigning to a few more precious moments of uninterrupted snuggling before you could relieve the vague aching in your temples.

he did eventually let you slip out of his grasp, and you asked if he wanted a coffee, too, to which he just blearily blinked at you and nodded once. you laughed, finding a shirt in a drawer and pulling it over your head before exiting to the kitchen.

you hit the kettle first, having a craving for a hot cup of coffee rather than the usual iced, grabbing a mug and glass from a cabinet. the espresso machine sat on the long counter against the windowed outer wall, and your eyes danced across the outside world as you made the two coffees. when you returned to the bedroom, joshua was on his phone, and when you cleared your throat, he dropped his phone on the pillow and pretended to be asleep, complete with a loud snore.

you giggled, sitting on the edge of the bed and nudging him carefully. "get up or i'll put the glass on your neck."

he winced at the idea. "evil," he stated plainly, flopping around to comfortably sit up and taking the iced coffee from you.

you sipped your coffee and put it on the bedside table to swing your feet back under the covers. you shoved at the pillows to support your back as you sat, grabbing your coffee and phone to begin your weekend morning routine of checking the news as you sipped at an americano. "i brought you coffee in bed at two pm. i think i'm pretty saintly."

he gave you a fake laugh, making you giggle and push your foot against his leg under the covers in a half hearted kick. "is that why you said 'oh, god' so much last night?"

you groaned. "gross, joshua. and for the record," you said, eyeing him slyly as a smile broke out on your lips. "that was this morning."

"time is an illusion," he declared, taking a gulp from his coffee and setting it down to get more comfortable beside you as you began to read an article. "are we doing anything today?"

you shook your head, eyes still focused on your screen. "nada."

"nothin'?" joshua fished.

"zilch," you concluded.

"rad," he decided, a light tone in his voice as he grabbed his phone to resume whatever he had been doing before you returned. "do you wanna order breakfast?"

you let out a breath, your head falling back as you looked at him. "yes, oh my god."

he laughed, and his eyes ran over your face in a way you recognized well at this point. to you, it was him just smiling back at you, and you liked that it reached his eyes. but to him, it was the way he looked at you when he was memorizing all the little reasons he adored you, and it was getting harder for him to pretend it wasn't more than just simple adoration.

"question," he started, eyes darting away from yours as he licked his suddenly dry lips and swallowed quickly.

"pasta," you said immediately, pulling your phone to your chest as you gave him your biggest, most convincing eyes before a finger came up to demonstrate a point. "and before you say that's not a breakfast food, i would like to remind you that it is 2pm and i had to sit through a hundred of your italian food puns yesterday despite ratatouille being set in france."

he laughed, and you gave him a confused look. "we can get pasta, but that wasn't the question."

your eyebrow quirked. "what other question could you possibly ask me right now?"

unknowingly, joshua let his face settle into the same look he was giving you less than a minute earlier. "would you want to move in?"

your eyes ran over his face repeatedly, trying to register how serious he was as you considered the idea of staying in this comforting bed and presence for the indefinite future, and even you couldn't hide how nice that sounded. the only thing stopping you was that you couldn't bear to leave karol alone. you had been living together for over four years now, she had been your first roommate in korea, your best friend for years, and an inexplicable source of quiet but understanding comfort for you.

"i understand," joshua assured you, placing his hand over yours after you expressed your hesitation. "i don't know what i'll do with myself when krys decides to move out."

you nodded, studying his face but mind wandering to other things. "krys," you hummed, and he eyed you.

"what genius plan is that brain brewing?"

you shook your head, brushing the thought out of your mind - the thought that krys had said something about needing to find a new place soon. the thought that she had said she was never gonna properly grow up when josh was taking care of her, whether she wanted him to or not. "nothing."

but it wasn't nothing. it was a compromise - you and krys would swap leases.

"are you sure?" you asked her, elbows on the island as krys ate the donuts you had anxiously made that morning. you had brought up the idea to her days before, and she excitedly agreed, but something about it felt too easy to you.

"yes," she assured you, wiping her bottom lip clear of powdered sugar. "i swear, i'm sure. how many times do i have to say it?"

you chewed your cheek. "i don't want you to feel like i'm kicking you out."

"you're not kicking me out," she said matter of factly. "i'm moving out. it just happens to be the same day as you're moving in."

you pouted. "and you're moving into my apartment."

"yeah," she said, nodding. "i get to pay lower rent and have south facing windows in my room. i should feel bad about kicking you out."

it took almost a month to organize everything, but by early december you were just waiting for the date. you purposefully scheduled for a weekend, in order to not disrupt krys' streaming schedule and your video uploads, since you had planned to do a separate moving vlog about safely packing tableware. the weekend before, krys came over to her soon-to-be home for your usual monthly brunch.

flipping pancakes that day felt a little somber, knowing it was the last time you'd be cooking brunch while living with karol. you had been with her for four years, and it felt surreal that you were finally parting ways like this. not only that, but you were moving in with a guy. the idea itself scared the shit out of you - cohabitating with someone other than karol. you'd be sharing a room. sharing a kitchen. sharing all of your space - normally, that would scare you away from agreeing, but something about joshua made you feel safe. he made you feel like you would never try to get back the distance you generally held so dear.

months ago, the idea of sharing space like that while trying to decompress would be unimaginable, but recently, you found alone time with joshua just as healing as alone time with yourself, so the idea of being able to snuggle into his side every night actually put a warm feeling in your stomach. you looked at your friends, who were laughing and drinking bloody marys as you tried to keep up with their conversation. your brain swirled, and you looked back down at the strawberries you were cutting, suddenly realizing you had never felt that way about a boy before.

"woah, you okay, babe?" krys bobbed her head downwards to check your face. "are you crying? i thought only onions did that to you."

you threw your head back, sniffling noisily trying to force the tears back under your ducts. karol stood. "oh, my god, what's wrong?" she frantically put down her drink and rushed around the counter to your side.

"wait, yeah-" krys shook her head rapidly, then reached over to take the knife out of your hand, her face creasing into a worried pout. "what's going on?"

you gathered yourself, embarrassed at how quickly you had cried so hard over such a stupid realization. you almost laughed, realizing what a scene you were making. you never cried. you weren't even sure either of them had seen it before now, yet you were ugly sobbing over something that they all probably already knew.

you swallowed harshly, clearing your throat. "i think i'm in love with josh."

krys and karol always knew you didn't truly care about the gender of your hypothetical partner, but that you had avoided men for a reason other than your attraction to them. they knew you gravitated towards women for practically your entire friendships with either of them, they knew that you never liked to get genuinely drunk and instead took care of the rest of them, and they knew you had never been very interested in sex. these were all known facts about you, and your friends understood that you kept the reasons for these facts close to your chest. they respected that.

but you finally wanted to share why. and the why was your ex.

when you had imagined telling your closest friends about your trauma, this certainly wasn't the situation you expected - crowded around the kitchen counter as your pancakes went cold, and only because you had burst into tears. it wasn't the right place, you thought, for you to talk about how he got you drunk. how you were practically asleep. how you tried to push him away but your body was weak with intoxication and you were powerless against him. someone you trusted. someone you loved.

you had always been the type to fight your own battles. you could stand up for yourself without difficulty, yet he made you scared of men. of what they could do to you. he reminded you that despite your effort to air on the androgynous, you had a body that some people might enjoy against your will. he made you want to hide everything about you and your body, wearing baggy shirts and oversized hoodies every chance you got, avoiding the unwanted gaze of men.

but recently, you've been wearing shorts more. you cropped some old shirts you never got use out of anymore to wear to your weekly yoga class. you had even bought a schoolgirl outfit for exactly one purpose, which had been entirely out of your comfort zone until roughly two months prior, but you had happily worn to please a man.

but in your defense, joshua hong was not like most men.

his appreciation of your body never felt predatory, and it always felt like it was bested by his appreciation of your mind. he didn't treat you like a prize, or like you were his for the taking. he appreciated your body as yours. while you may have found yourself the subject of his desire, you were never an object, and it had been a long time since you had felt comfortable wearing the clothes you liked in favor of opting for whatever would hide the most skin.

krys was crying. karol was too, but she was more focused on hugging you tight as you wiped off the tears that had trailed down your face. krys rounded the counter, loudly vocalising how much she loved you and everything about you, and you laughed out loud as she let out an exaggerated wail.

"actually, though," she said, pulling away slightly and sniffling. "drop the address. we're rolling up on this guy tomorrow."

you laughed again, wiping at your face when your arms were free. "wouldn't even know where to find him now."

"good!" karol declared. "fuck that guy! cut him out! you're a bad bitch!"

krys pouted. "i'm really happy josh helped you heal."

you stared at her for a second, registering that she must have been right. you eyes swam over the counter, thinking about all the times he had helped you feel more comfortable with yourself. with everything. enough to let someone in. enough to love. "i guess that's what this is, huh?"

karol cleared her throat. "so, you love him."

a grin broke out on krys' face, and your eyes immediately rolled. "you love him."

"you love him so bad."

"you wanna marry him and make adorable little hong babies."

"oh my god," you said, pressing the backs of your hands into your eye sockets, annoyed laughter on your lips as they bounced off each other. "you guys suck."

joshua started acting… odd. that was the only way you could describe it. there was nothing specific you could name - maybe the way his eyes were moving slightly too quickly from side to side? or maybe it was the way he inhaled a little extra when you asked him what was up, only for him to push his lips into an exaggerated pout and insist that nothing was. whatever it was, it made you watch him a little bit longer, your eyes squinting slightly more than usual.

you called him the day before, asking if you could bring some stuff over in hopes of making the next day as easy as possible, but his response was quick and surprising.

"what do you mean, no?" you laughed, putting down the wooden tray you were deciding the fate of. "do you have a girl over?"

you could hear him faltering on the other end. "and what if i did?"

"good luck getting her to make you breakfast."

he laughed. "i'm kidding. i have a guy over."

"oh?" you asked. "jeonghan?"

"shut up," he chuckled out. "i'm having something installed, but it was supposed to be a surprise."

"joshua," you reminded him, thinking of what the hell he could have meant by something. "i don't do surprises."

"you do now."

you groaned, a palm landing on your counter. "what is it?"

"a sex swing," he said plainly, as though that were the most obvious fact that you could have questioned, and you practically choked on your laughter, not even letting him confirm that he was joking before you were folded over your counter. and quite frankly, you could not wait another day to let him make you laugh like that as a routine.

you finally seceded, but you were glad when joshua arrived - the suv he rented loaded with krys' things - because it was a signifier that the distance between you and said surprise was shrinking quickly. soonyoung had become a surprisingly helpful voice of reason as you went through your piles of tablewares, telling you which ones to leave behind and which ones to take with you. seokmin had even arrived not long after the suv in his own car, a few brightly colored belongings in his backseat. you and karol exchanged a look when you realized he had volunteered to help krys move, but said nothing out loud, knowing she would do nothing but deny the obvious.

after yours and krys' affects were swapped in the car, you looked around one last time before telling josh you thought that was it.

"wait!" krys faltered, realizing she didn't have a good reason to stop you. "i- uh,"

"they know there's a surprise waiting for them," he said, digging the rental keys out of his jacket pocket.

karol looked to you. "do you know what it is?"

"of course not," joshua stated proudly before you could respond. "i'm like a steel trap."

you laughed. "that's definitely not how that phrase is meant to be used."

he raised a brow at you. "that doesn't change the fact that you could never get that info out of me."

"they absolutely could," karol said.

"for sure," krys agreed.

"i just wanted to let you have this," you admitted.

joshua looked between the three of you with his jaw slightly dropped, and seokmin put a hand over his mouth while crossing his arms to disguise the almost laugh on his lips.

"well, i want to see your reaction," krys decided. "so i'm coming."

"wait," soonyoung asked, putting down the retro boombox he had been investigating, among the other things that had been brought from the loft. "like, the surprise?"

"does everyone know about this but me?" you asked, hands hitting your sides in exasperation.

seokmin looked at you with wide, confused eyes. "i don't."

you lifted your hands in a vague prayer towards him. "thank you for your solidarity."

"i wanna see your face, too!" soonyoung said, ignoring you both. "you're gonna freak."

"joshua," you started, turning to him with a look of dread on your face. "what the fuck did you get?"

"i told you!" he exclaimed. "a sex swing!"

there was an excruciatingly long second of silence, making your palm land directly on your face - just above your eye - before seokmin let out a surprised, "a what?"

"he's kidding," you announced, much to the teacher's relief. "and if he's not we're breaking up."

it was decided that the entire party would move to the loft for the surprise reveal, and you watched your friends pile into seokmin's car with your palms sweating slightly and your molars gently gnawing at the fleshy party of your cheek. because, truly, you didn't handle receiving gifts well when you knew what they were, but you didn't have a single clue as to what could be waiting for you in your new home, and that made you a little nervous to have an audience for your possibly piss poor reaction.

joshua's hand found yours on the drive to the apartment. "you okay?"

you blinked and looked over at him, his eyes catching yours between glances at the road. "i don't do surprises."

"so you've said," he nodded. his fingers squeezed at yours lightly and you exhaled. "do you want to know before we go in? you can just act surprised."

your felt your face soften, registering what he was offering you. "joshua, you don't have to do that-"

"i know," he said. "but if it makes you more comfortable, then…"

"no way," you said. "i'll just stop being a baby. you set up a surprise, the least i can do is participate the way you want me to."

he eyed you, then the way you laced your fingers with his. "but you are a baby."

you rolled your eyes. "shut up, no i'm not."

"my baby," he clarified, and you let out an involuntary giggle.

he was guiding you into the kitchen, his large hands placed over your eyes and covering most of your face by proxy, and you didn't quit your playful complaints for the crowd of your closest friends that had gathered around, their presence obvious despite your vision being impaired.

"ready?" joshua asked.

"josh, i literally hate surprises, do we have to do all this?"

"yes," he said frankly. "because i'm doing something nice for us and you're going to love it so can you shut up and let me do this the way i want to like you told me you wanted me to?"

you paused, hearing the way your friends stifled their laughter as you took in a deep breath.

"ready?" he repeated.

"yeah, i guess," you sighed.

the light was harsh when his hands left your face, and you blinked repeatedly at the kitchen that you spent countless hours in, registering what was different. then, it suddenly clicked, the stovetop joshua had always had was replaced by the blue vintage styled range of your dreams.

"joshua!" you gasped, hands going to your face as you spun to look at him, then back at the range. "you bought me a lacanche?!"

he grinned, hands snaking around your waist from behind as you stood frozen in place. "i bought us a lacanche."

seokmin leaned over to krys. "what's a le conch?"

she reached up and put a finger over his mouth, eyes fixed on you. "shh, they're communicating."

you rushed over to the range, joshua following behind you as you ran your hands over the polished chrome handles that you had stared at on the website for years. "and it's all hooked up?"

he nodded, eyes on you with a smile on his face. "tested it last night."

"without me?" you asked, incredulous.

he laughed. "i didn't want to ruin the surprise by burning the loft down directly after."

your finger fidgeted on the handle, looking over to joshua. he gestured for you to go ahead, and you pushed and spun the knob, lighting a burner and squealing. you shut it off again before launching yourself into a hug.

"joshua!" you wailed, arms wrapped around his neck as he laughed, putting his around your waist. "i love it so much ican'tbelieveyouboughtusafucking lacanche range in portuguese blue for no goddamn reason!"

"there was a reason!" he laughed, letting you pull away slightly to study his face. "it's a housewarming gift. i want you to know this place is yours, too, now."

you did your best to suck the tears back into the ducts they belonged in, trying to not show just how much the gesture meant to you in that way, but you were sure one escaped down your cheek when your hands went to the base of his skull, pulling him into a kiss. you forgot the context of the move. you forgot about your friends that had been excitedly crowded in your new kitchen, anticipating your over the top reaction to what they saw as just a new stove. you, however, were overwhelmed by the specifics - the fact that he had picked the color you chose most often when building your hypothetical dream stove on the website you frequented more often than you would ever admit. the fact that it matched the details on the tile of his kitchen backsplash, a detail you hadn't even noticed when you were looking at them online. the chrome vintage knobs, the layout of the burners - everything was exact to what he had seen you dream about, and you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the love and care that expressed, hoping you could tell him just how much it meant by working your lips against his.

"ok, gross," krys announced, looking away when the two of you didn't pull apart. "i'm saying goodbye to my wallpaper and we're leaving. would anyone else like to pay their respects?"

seokmin raised his hand, his eyes on the ceiling, and krys grabbed his arm and retreated towards the hall, karol telling them to hurry as soonyoung put up a hand to obstruct his view of you and joshua. when you finally pulled away, it wasn't for their reprieve, though they reacted as though it was. it was so you could look into joshua's eyes, creased with the grin on his face as you gave him a similar one, and you couldn't wait to cook with him, on your, plural, portuguese blue lacanche range, with chrome classique handles, four gas burners, a griddle, and a warming drawer. and it would be your best brunch yet.

#caratwritersclub #svtredroom #this part hits lol #seventeen fluff #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #joshua hong imagines #joshua hong fluff #joshua hong scenarios #joshua imagines #joshua scenarios #joshua fluff #fluff #i wrote dis #yes all the banners are based off movie posters #is this actually funny or am i just stupid #josh

[russian-romanova]

the one that got away

title: the one that got away

pairing: joe goldberg

warnings: adult language, spoilers for season two of ‘you’, very brief mentions of violence 

notes:  joe’s pov. i haven’t gotten anything out there in a while, so here’s this. 

summary: it’s been years since you ran out on your high school boyfriend joe goldberg. now that he’s seen you again, maybe it’s time to find out if your instincts were right. 

+      +      +

There was a part of me that had forgotten about you. I would go months without thinking about you, but then the strangest things would conjure up an image of you or your name would ring in my ears for a moment or two before passing out again. So don’t make the mistake of thinking I forgot about you, Y/N. I never forgot. Not really. 

We dated in high school, which doesn’t mean much at face value. High School relationships are the ones that are the most fragile when boys can’t control their own body parts and girls don’t seem to know the word ‘boundary’. The teen couples that come into Mooney’s are the worst relationships, where they hold hands and kiss every time they turn a corner. It takes all I have not to turn them away.

But we were… different. We were good, and we took it slow. I was quiet and you were sweet, and God, I don’t think I could ever recreate that high I would get when I walked into school and would see you waiting at my locker, reading some book I had given you or eating some breakfast dessert. We didn’t rush anything, we were slow and steady friends more than anything, at least before we kissed. And when we did kiss, it wasn’t bumbling or awkward like teenage kisses should be. It was perfect, Y/N. Like it was meant to be.  

You know why I’m bringing this up. I saw you at some supermarket the other day, in LA. It wasn’t Anavrin or any of those frighteningly strict healthy eating markets. It was just some supermarket I went to in search of some food I had been thinking about, and I saw you in the cereal aisle. You didn’t see me, Y/N, although I wasn’t sure if you would have even recognized me. You had a box of ‘Cinnamon Toast Crunch’ in one hand and a box of whatever the generic brand was in the other. I watched you for a moment, turn the first box over, then the second, before sighing and adding the generic one to your cart. I turned my body so you couldn’t see my face as I waited, only turning once I was sure you had left the aisle the opposite way of me. 

Trust me, Y/N, I almost couldn’t believe my eyes. I had to double-take to even think it was you, and then I ended up staring at you for a full five seconds before I remembered where I even was. A supermarket. In LA. 

Really, the strangest part was that I had been in LA for around a month and hadn’t somehow caught wind of you. Sure, LA’s a big city, perfect for disappearing -- I should know -- but I have a sixth sense for these sorts of things. It helps that I’ve been trying to stay away from you, really, I stopped searching your name on the internet long ago and I’ve been trying to push you out of my mind. 

Still --  I see in you in all of their eyes. Candace. Beck. Love. 

Then you pushed your cart away from me and left behind the corner. I trailed behind you for a while, because how are you supposed to see your high school sweetheart and just forget about it? You picked out black beans and condiments, grabbed crackers and milk. Then you were gone. 

But I knew you were in LA, and that got me through a while. I was distracted at work, distracted with Love. Even Ellie knew something was off, and of course, I couldn’t tell any of them about you, Y/N. I made up some lie about work or the news, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I wondered if you shopped every Tuesday afternoon if I would have a chance of seeing you again if I waited there next week. If you saw me first, would you interact? Would you know what I was doing and confront me or would you leave and hope that I didn’t see you? Would you see me at all?

No, I knew that I had to find you before then, preferably someplace where I wouldn’t look like some random creep approaching a pretty girl. I had to do my research. 

I didn’t know whether to be impressed or disappointed when I discovered both an Instagram and a Facebook account that were both private. You were aware of security, at least a little. You had a public twitter account, but nothing you posted on there really pertained to you on a personal level, mostly retweets about characters or politics. 

Roughly three weeks ago, you had retweeted some comedic tweet about the benefits of being single. This was a good sign, Y/N. My expectations were set low, but the more I learned about you, the higher they became. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, about our high school years, and how happy we both were. We could be like that again. 

I was about to give up on the social media scour when I saw an Instagram account linked to your twitter account, completely different from the one I had already stumbled upon. This one was a much vaguer account, with some photos you must have taken, mostly of other people or of aesthetically pleasing nature views or buildings. The photographs that caught my eye the most -- and I’m sure you understand why, Y/N -- were the ones of Farmington Park and the one of a house front. The house numbers were blurred out, but it wasn’t that hard to trace around on Google Earth. I extended the view and followed the roads surrounding Farmington Park, making the assumption that you were near to it judging by the amount of photots you had posted of it, until I found the house that seemed the most familiar, the one that matched up perectly with the photograph. Bingo.

You should be more careful, Y/N. 

✾ ✾ ✾

And so I wait. I see you again, but no longer by accident. I don my jacket and cap, and I wait at the bench near your house -- just a man reading a book, nothing anyone will pay too much attention to. I see you leave your house, which I’m relieved to see you walk out of. I’ve been wrong in the past, and it’s the worst possible feeling I could imagine. But you looked right at me, Y/N. The second day, you walked out of your bright red door and made direct eye contact with me. I have sunglasses on, so I don’t know if you can tell I’m looking back, but you stare at me for a few seconds, and then you move on. I worried you had maybe seen me, but the next day I returned and you didn’t think much of it. 

Tuesdays and Thursdays is when you went to the park. As the sunsets, to get those stereotypical sunset photos, I presume, and you stay until late on Tuesday nights because you have Wednesdays off. It’s abandoned by the time it’s nine pm, the perk of small parks in big cities. So I waited until I was ready, until I thought you would be ready, and then I decided it was time to meet you. 

8:42 on a Tuesday night, and I’ve never been more terrified before. I sit in the grass and watch you as the people slowly go home, watching you on your phone and messing with your camera. I notice for the first time, the green bracelet on your arm, which I recognize instantly, because I gave you that bracelet, Y/N. In high school, for your birthday. I gave it to you years ago, and you still wear it. 

That almost gives me hope.

I had a plan. Once it was empty enough, I took off my hat and sunglasses, and I just sat there. You needed to come to me, to feel comfortable enough to do so. It was going to be an accident that I was here, nothing creepy. Nothing to feed your worries or stresses. I wasn’t a worry, I was a comfort that was reappearing after years and years. 

When you saw me, your froze. You just stood there, unmoving and possibly unbreathing, frozen in a moment either now or in the past, mind racing and heart too fast. I waited for you, patiently. It was hard to not run up to you, to talk to you unprompted. But I had waited this long, I could wait a few minutes more.

Finally, you spoke. “What are you doing here?” 

I looked up, feigning surprise. “Oh my God, Y/N,” I closed my book and stood up, smiling as if I had no idea you still existed. “What are you doing in LA?”

“Cut the bullshit. I saw you the other day. At least, I thought I saw someone that looked just like you, and now I’m pretty fucking sure that was you, Joe. This can’t be happening. This isn’t-” You trailed off, mumbling to yourself. Your were suspitious, but I could work with suspicious. 

“You saw me? Seriously? Where was it?” I laugh as if I’m more confused than you are, still confused and surprised. Keep it up, Joe. Patience. “Why didn’t you-”

“Stop it. You were-” You stopped talking, your eyes widening a little at the absurdity of the situation. “You looked at me, Joe. I know you’re lying, so cut the bullshit. Be honest.”

I think it over for a minute. “I didn’t know if it was actually you or not.” I say, a little bit quieter. I feel like a kid again, and we haven’t even been talking for a minute. 

“Honest,” You repeated. “I’m not new to your games, Joe. Where did you see me first?”

“The bus stop,” I say, maintaining eye contact. You give me your ‘bullshit’ look, and I realize nothing has changed. I almost smile before I remember what’s happening, that I need to work fast and convince you. I can’t lose you again, not now that I’ve found you. “The bus stop,” I reaffirm, before adding. “Nice bracelet.” 

And I’ve changed the subject. 

“I need to go home,” You say, sounding tired and frantic. 

I take a step forward. “Let me walk you,”

“No, Joe.” You say loudly at first, and then repeat it a little softer. 

“Please, Y/N,” I say in a tone that we both know is close to a beg. You look at me with those big fucking eyes and I hope I’m making the same expression back. The puppy dog eyes are something we’ve both mastered. 

“Joe, I don’t love you anymore.” You say suddenly, and you throw your hands out to either side as if that’s it. As if that’s enough to satisfy me and it answers all my questions. 

“Then why are you still wearing the bracelet?” I’m begging you now, pleading with you and I hate my own tone of voice. 

You glance down at it as if you’ve forgotten about it. There’s a pause as you think for a moment, searching for words or for a lie. I’m frozen when I stand. “It’s not because I love you. It’s to remember.” You look up at me again, and your eyes aren’t just big anymore, they’re teary now. A part of me still wants to run to you, to tell you that it’s okay, but I know I can’t. “You killed me, Joe. Or you might as well have. I’m mourning her. I can’t forget her.”

Any act is long gone. We both know what you’re talking about, about all the conversations we had where you had tried to break up with me and I convinced you, about all the looks your had given me when I did something that would send off a red flag. “I didn’t, Y/N. I wouldn’t have. I was so careful with you.” 

You look at me in a way I’ve never seen before. “I hid. I shouldn’t have had to hide. I changed so much about me, about who I was because I was scared you would find me somehow, I don’t know.” You run a distressed hand through your hair.

“Why? Why were you so scared of me, Y/N? I was just some kid in love. I loved you so much. I love you so much.” I take a step towards you.

You match it with one back, putting up a distressed hand. “Stop, Joe. Stop. I’m not doing this, okay? All of these things about you pointed to terror for me and I went with my gut because you hear all of these horror stories about girls and their boyfriends and it was better safe than sorry and-“ You sniff, wiping your nose with the back of your hand. You’re crying and I didn’t even realize it. “And I am sorry, Joe. I really am, but we both know that’s what I needed to do.” And you’re right, Y/N, and it would be a lie to deny it. I didn’t have to do anything to you and you knew who I was. No one has ever understood as well as you. 

I am hurt as you look at me, somehow pained yet strong. “I’m sorry,” Is all I can manage out, and you don’t respond. 

“I need to go home,” You say finally. “You do too, Joe. This is out there now, and we can move on. Okay? Don’t try to find me again.”

“But I can’t forget about you.” I don’t know if I’m making excuses or being honest anymore. For a split second, I think about lunging at you, grabbing you or striking you or something -- but then I remember that this isn’t just anyone. This is you. Candace, Beck, Love, they’re all modelled after you. I think that’s all I’m working for, is you again. Yet I respect you too much to treat you like them, and I love you too much to really let you go. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. 

“Then don’t,” You look at me with calm eyes. “Then don’t forget about me. It’s better to remember, but to keep it somewhere just out of reach. It’s not like I could forget you, Joe. You were a part of my life,” You admit. “No matter how bad, you can’t forget something like that.” 

And that’s all you need to say. No goodbye, no farewell greeting. You turn and walk away.

And I let you, Y/N. 

For the first time in my life, I watch someone walk away from me, and that’s it. Out of everyone, I hate that it’s you leaving yet I’m happy that we ended it like this. I watch your wrist swing slightly as you walk, the stringy ends of the bracelet swinging along with it. I think of what you said, about remembering, and I know there’s some truth there. I’ve felt it before, the need to remember Candace and Beck long after I had thought they were gone. For them -- and for me.

But as you turned the corner for the final time, something in me pulls at my senses, telling me what I already know is true.  Your words ring in my mind one final time, but I know you’re wrong this once. 

Sometimes, Y/N, it’s better not to remember, but to forget.  

#joe goldberg #joe goldberg x reader #joe goldberg x you #joe goldberg x y/n #you #you netflix #you tv show #you show #penn badgley #Guinevere beck #Love Quinn #stalker x reader #creepy #here's the second joe goldberg fic! #i am actually not dead #despite the lack of posting anything #i've just been busy but here's this! #please enjoy #please give me feedback because that's how i improve! #love you all #yandere x reader #joe #you lifetime #i dont think my tags are working for whatever reason whoo hoo

[sleepy-sunlight]

Hey have you been busy or have you not been getting many requests? I miss your writing! If you have the time could you write something where the inquisitor has a child (around 5 years old) and the child stays with Cullen and the others at Skyhold whenever the Inquisitor is away? Thanks, I hope you've been doing well 💞💞

I’m a mix of busy and living for the next time I sleep so it’s been a bit messy life-wise but I’m trying to start things back up! Ideally, I’m trying to set up a Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule where I post a prompt on one of my three blogs each day because I should be totally free during those days!  

Anyways, thank you for your patience, and have a fantastic day!

———————————————————————————————————–

Cullen grew up the second oldest of four. Most of his early childhood was spent parceling out responsibilities for watching over Branson and Rosalie with Mia.  

Branson was the epitome of what his mother had liked to call a ‘wild child’. He’d climb up to the tallest trees in Honnleath and when he found himself too high to properly come back down his solution was to swing from the branches until they broke. One could only guess how well that turned out.  

Rosalie on the other hand was a fan of collecting every insect or small animal that crossed her way. Cullen could still remember the yelps his mother would try to hide at the sight of Rosalie holding a long, winding centipede in her palms. The worst was a feral fox cub that’d subsequently became loose in the house. That’d been an eventful evening.  

Neither sibling was ‘ideal’, but he supposed even he had his own faults.  

Nevertheless, it made Cullen oddly ideal with children. For all his military abilities and fighting talent, most were astonished at how in the snap of one’s fingers, Cullen could stop even the worst wailing from a child. Josephine once said she’d “pay him double his Inquisition salary to babysit her siblings.”  

Cullen had responded with “what salary?”  

Considering money was Josephine’s department, the subject was swiftly dropped.  

However, that didn’t take away from the actual babysitting Cullen found himself in.  

Very few, after all, expected the Inquisitor to have a child.  

Your child’s name was Olivia – just five years old and more of a firecracker than you were. Her hair was often in braids, so for all her running and scrambling about, she wouldn’t get caught on anything. For her birthday Varric had given her a little yellow ribbon, and she’d wear it to sleep if you didn’t insist otherwise.

She was a troublesome little thing, but she was one of the few bright things in your world, and you clearly treasured her. She’d race to you as fast as her legs could carry her when you’d return to Skyhold and every time you’d scoop her up in your arms and swing her until you both were left dizzy and stumbling throughout the courtyard. No matter where you went you always came back with something for her, and whether a fanciful toy or simply a flower, Olivia adored it.

She even had a secret hiding place for all the presents you brought her. She’d shown Cullen one evening and despite knowing just about every detail of the gifts, he’d still ask like it was the first time he’d ever laid eyes on them.  

Curiously enough, Olivia had a fondness for the Commander. Often times when you and Cullen would take walks along the barracks Olivia would follow behind, holding loosely onto the end of his shroud. She liked it especially when each of you would hold one of her hands and swing her back and forth. It was… domestic in a sense. Far more than Cullen ever expected for himself.  

He’d hardly even expected to meet someone like you – so full of life and passion for all that you did. You were a breath of fresh air in the coldness he’d so well known. Cullen hoped Olivia hadn’t noticed how he stared but she was nosy – she took that from you.  

She’d been given plenty of opportunities to be nosy since you’d left, asking Cullen specifically to watch over her.  

“I won’t be long,” You’d told him the evening before you left. “But there are reports of red templars making advancements towards a village and I-”  

“I know,” Cullen hesitated but set a hand on your shoulder. He didn’t know if his smiles helped you at all, but he offered one anyway. “You don’t need to explain. I’ll help however I can, including taking care of Olivia.”  

You let out a sigh of relief and laughed. “Thank you I-” You couldn’t figure the words and so instead hugged him, winding your arms around his neck. “You’re the best.”  

He was left stunned for a moment. It wasn’t like he’d experienced much affection in his life once he’d left for the Templar order – so much as a hug was almost foreign to him.  However hesitantly, he managed to return the gesture. His hovering hands shifting to hold you tight.

He forgot how much he missed such a simple thing as a hug.  

You left shortly thereafter both of you a little sheepish but warmhearted, nonetheless. Olivia followed you to Skyhold’s gates, holding your hand but still stumbling to keep up despite her best efforts. When you knelt to meet her, she nearly ran right into you, only caught by your grip shifting to her shoulders.  

“Woah there, soldier!” You laughed softly. “You know you can’t come with me.”  

Olivia immediately began to pout. “But I’ll be good! I promise!”  

“It’s not a matter of being good, it’s dangerous.” You smiled warmly, squeezing her shoulders. “Even for the toughest kid around! You got to stay here, keep everyone safe.”  

Before Olivia could object you spoke once more, lowering your voice to a whisper. “In fact, I’ve got a super-secret mission for you. I need you to personally look after Commander Cullen – keep him out of trouble.”  

Olivia shot a quick glance to Cullen who stood a little way off, pretending to look at a set of reports.  

“Okay! I know you like him!”  

Cullen had to work very hard not to look up and see your expression in that moment. But he supposed he wouldn’t want you to see how red he’d become either. At the very least, he heard a gasp.

“I-It’s ah – it’s our little secret though! Don’t forget, okay?”  

Olivia nodded. “I won’t!”  

“Promise?”  

Olivia huffed. “I promise!”  

You chuckled. “Alright, alright. I love you, Olivia.”  

Cullen looked up to see Olivia jump up to hug you, burying her head in the crook of your neck and failing to hide the tiniest sniffle. She always hated seeing you go.  

“I love you too.”  

With a wave of your hand, you and the rest of your team left. Olivia refused to budge an inch before you disappeared beyond sight. Even then she only moved a few steps forward, perhaps in hopes to catch one last glimpse of you.  

“Miss them already, do you?” Cullen approached the child steadily, making his heavy boots clearly known to not startle her. He even spoke quietly.  

Olivia gave a meek nod, wiping at her eyes quickly.

Cullen pretended not to see – if she was anything like you it’d only make her more embarrassed.  

“I miss them too.” Cullen said. “But while they’re gone… would you want to sneak a few extra treats from the kitchen? I won’t tell if you don’t.”  

Olivia perked up just a tad. Cullen offered his hand that practically swallowed Olivia’s when she accepted it. But she smiled.  

“Okay.”  

She hid an entire extra loaf of cinnamon bread in Cullen’s shroud. It was awful, thinking of the sugar and sticky cinnamon that was sure to attract insects of all sort, but worth it. She giggled the whole time, and still considered it an ‘extreme scheme’ even though no one cared and at least three kitchen-maids watched them the entire time – pretending to hide little Olivia from everyone else.  

She didn’t even bother to have the bread cut into slices, sitting in his office breaking it apart in chunks and pieces.  

“I can cut it if you want, you know.” Cullen told her, his brows furrowed.  

“No, I like it this way. It’s a surprise every time!” Olivia raised her head to the Commander, swinging her legs in the seat across his desk. “Do you want some? I’ll share, but you can’t tell Varric! He’ll get jealous.”  

“Why would he-” Cullen immediately remembered Varric’s proud title as Olivia’s ‘partner in crime’ and found the answer for himself.  

Admittedly Cullen would’ve said no. He never had much of a sweet tooth. However, Olivia clearly wanted to give him a piece and already had two corners of the bread pinched between her fingers to give him. It was just something a person couldn’t say no to.  

“I’d love a piece.”  

It was just as sugary and sappy as he’d imagined.  

“Oi, metal britches!”  

The yelling came a few hours later, when evening started to paint the sky overhead and the sun dripped in through his windows. It didn’t take a genius to recognize Sera.  

She nearly kicked the door in, and as if that wasn’t enough, slammed her firsts against his desk with enough ferocity to shake the very earth. The mischievous glint in her eyes was anything but good.  

“As appealing as the name ‘metal britches’ is, could we try another name next time?” Cullen frowned. “Perhaps my real one?”  

“Nah, I like this one better. Listen, I’ve got this great idea for an ambush on this Orlesian snobs – and I know you hate Orlesians just as much so I was thinking I could get your head of your ar-”  

Cullen nearly jumped out of his seat trying to stop Sera. “Reserve the language for when children aren’t around?”  

“Wha-” Sera wrinkled her nose only to twist her head and see little Olivia, watching Sera with the utmost awe. Olivia happened to look up to Sera with her ‘fun-loving’ pranks. It brought comfort when you were gone. “Oh! Pipsqueak! I was wondering where you’d run off to!”  

She peered over to see the last bits of the cinnamon bread. “Mind if I swipe a piece?”  

“Mm!” Olivia eagerly gave Sera the rest. Of all the people Sera loved to torment, Olivia was never one of them. If anything, she had a soft spot for the child.  

“Oh no that ain’t necessary but you’re a sweet thing for offering.” Sera leaned in to Olivia, pretending to whisper, but only brought her voice louder for Cullen to clearly hear. “See, I was trying to get Mr. Boring over here to have some fun for once, but I don’t think he’s gonna budge.”  

“Cullen!” Olivia exclaimed, puffing out her cheeks.  

Sera stopped her further protests. “I know, what a bore! But I’m thinking if he won’t have some fun – why don’t we?”  

“Now Sera-” Cullen rose from his seat. “The Inquisitor asked me specifically to look after Olivia while they were gone-”  

“We’re not going to Halamshiraal get your knickers out of a twist!” Sera snorted. “I’ll bring her back in one piece, but a kid can’t sit around all day!”

“I…”  

Olivia was gripping excitedly at the edge of her seat, and if her toes could reach the floor they would’ve been tapping too. Anyone could see she desperately wanted to spend time with the ‘fun rogue’. Cullen could be fun too – it just didn’t include putting buckets of water over their ambassador’s door. Less dangerous fun.  

“Nothing reckless,” Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose. “If I see so much as a scratch on Olivia, I’ll have your quarters repurposed to a storage closet.”  

“If I get a hair on the squirt’s head out of place, I’ll banish myself, does that make you feel better? I won’t get in the way of your crush on the boss.”  

“I do not-”

Sera and Olivia were already gone before he could even finish, giggling as the elf lifted the girl onto her shoulders and scrambled out. It was almost fascinating how quickly he could come to regret a decision.  

They were gone for a few hours, when night arrived and a chill soaked into the floor Cullen began to pace, anxious and ready to go searching top to bottom for Olivia.  

He only made it to the grand hall when he found the two of them. Sera, snoring with her head fallen back in her ornate seat with Olivia, sleeping sound in Sera’s lap. A blanket was slipped over the two of them, and just a few feet away in another chair was Varric, watching the fireplace crackle.  

“Don’t you worry Curly, I kept them distracted.” Varric laughed and took a sip of his wine. “You’d be surprised how much Buttercup loves a good story.”  

Cullen let out a sigh of relief as he made his way to Olivia. She was clutching onto to Sera and her head was laid lazily on her stomach, a slow rise and fall lifting her up and down. She looked so comfortable; it was almost hard to wake her up.  

“Was she a handful?” Cullen asked.  

“Olivia or Buttercup?”  

“Either one.” Cullen scoffed.  

“Buttercup is a given, but Olivia is always a pleasure. It’s nice to have someone actually enjoy my rough drafts – they’re just what put Sera to sleep.” Varric laughed to himself. “Everyone’s a critic.”  

“I’m surprised the Inquisitor didn’t take you with them,” Cullen remarked. “Dorian, Blackwall, and you are typically their regular party.”  

Varric simpered. “As old as Blackwall looks, I’m older – and you’ve got to give the elderly a break.”

“You can’t be beyond your late thirties.”  

Varric raised a glass amusedly. “Or maybe I just age that good. Either way, mentally, I’m in my sixties. I like to have the occasional night in!”  

“Does that mean Olivia could call you ‘grandfather’?”  

“Don’t you dare put that idea in her head Curly.”

Cullen turned his attention back to Olivia with a laugh. He gently scooped her up in his arms, and Sera only mildly objected in the form of halfhearted tugs at his gauntlets. The second Olivia felt the fur of his cloak she sank against it; even attempting to wrap herself up like a blanket.  

“Thank you for watching over her, Varric – even if only for a short time.”  

The dwarf shook his head. “No trouble. You just make sure that one gets some shut-eye.”  

Cullen took Olivia to your quarters – It had a grand enough bed that you shared with your parent when they were here anyhow. The few times Cullen had entered early, Olivia would be snuggled up among the silk sheets like a burrowed rabbit. She’d never get out if you didn’t make her.  

He pulled back the blankets and set her down gently. The second she recognized just where she was, Olivia grappled at the sheets and pull them up to her chin – even her cheeks were smothered against her pillow.  

Cullen would’ve left to return to his own room when Olivia reached out for his hand and ruined that plan.

“Can you stay, Mr. Rutherford?”  

She only used that name when she wanted something out of him. It worked every time.  

Cullen paused briefly, relenting as he sat down at the foot of the bed. “Of course, Olivia.”  

“Can I ask you something?” She mumbled, eyes only a tiny bit open and words slurring.  

He smiled softly. “Of course.”  

“Do you… do you like them?” She clearly peeked one eye open at this point. Olivia was far from subtle.  

“Like who?”  

“You know… my… parent…” Olivia sat up, rubbing at her face groggily but far too curious to sleep just yet.

Cullen’s heart jumped into his throat. He swallowed hard, and even then, his chest heaved like a drum. “Why ah – why would you ask that?”  

“I see how you stare – and how they stare. And I…” Olivia brought her knees up to her chin. “I want you to be a part of our family.”  

The rapid beating of Cullen’s heart stopped, his fidgeting fingers stopped, and his panicking brain stopped. All that remained was a warmth, gentle, and protective like a lantern in a dark night. It never felt so easy to say exactly what he meant.  

“I think I’d like that too. But I’ll have to be a bit braver before I can tell them.”  

Olivia saw his faint, nervous smile and leaned over so that she drooped over his shoulder. She did her best to drape a bit of the blanket over him but even at her best, she only managed to cover his knee. A valiant effort.  

“I’ll cheer for you then,” Olivia yawned. “so, you can get brave. Would that help?”  

Olivia truly was just like you. Maybe that was why he found himself adoring her just so much. You were always so encouraging and supportive – even at your worst, you found a way to brighten someone else’s day. You passed the kindness in your heart down to Olivia, and it showed.  

Perhaps when you returned Cullen would finally tell you all the things that’d be brimming inside of him. How he cared for you like he’d never known before and wanted nothing more than to simply do the same for you. For the first time, he felt like he could.

“I think it already is.”  

Cullen would’ve thought Olivia already fallen fast asleep were it not for the little grin spread across her face.

#Cullen #Cullen Rutherford #dai #da #DA: Inquisition #da:i #DA: Inquisitor #Dragon Age #Dragon Age inquisition #Cullen x Inquisitor #Cullen Rutherford x Inquisitor #Cullen x Reader #Cullen Rutherford x Reader #x Reader #Dragon Age Fanfic #Dragon Age Fanfiction #Dragon Age Inquisition Fanfiction #Dragon Age Inquisition Fanfic #Cullen x You #Cullen Rutherford x You #You x Cullen #Inquisitor x Cullen #Inquisitor x Cullen Rutherford #Cullen Dragon Age #Cullen Rutherford Dragon Age #Dragon Age Cullen #Dragon Age Cullen Rutherford #dragon age ficlet #cullen dragon age #dragon age inquisition cullen

[slutnali]

I totally forgot to post something for wip wednesday yesterday so have a thirsty thursday snippet. im trying to get back into working on my wips so heres sugar baby au

“You went lingerie shopping without me?” Mik’s lips turn down into a pout that Denali kisses away, it starts off as a few pecks peppered onto his lips before the two fully melt into it.

“I know how much you love seeing me try it on for you, but don’t you think this was a better surprise?” Denali places her hands on top of Mik’s that are still holding her boobs, squeezing lightly and getting used to the new weight of them. 

“Well, when you put it that way...” She shivers as she feels his thumbs brush over her nipples, “Gigi and Nicky are still going to hear a mouthful from me.” 

“I begged them not to say anything. But I did pay with the card you and Rosie gave me so it's not my fault you missed it.”

She remembers the first time he took her to Gigi and Nicky’s Boutique, all sets designed by the two and sewn with the help of their small team. Both intimidating upon first impression but Mik greeted them like old time friends. She remembers wondering at that moment how many other sugar babies he must’ve brought prior, maybe that's why they seemed so familiar with one another. Nonetheless they made Denali feel welcomed and poured two glasses of champagne for them. Mik sat back with his glass as the two walked Denali around the store, helping her pick sets as if they knew all the options would overwhelm her along with the price tags.

Occasionally Mik would speak up from the plush seat he’d been in with a “Oh, Rosie will love that one.” and “That’s Rosie’s favorite color, add it to the pile.” The owners of the store gave the two privacy as Denali modeled the sets for Mik, hungry eyes taking in the sight of lace and garter belts clinging on to Denali’s thick thighs and ass.

Later that night Rosé had unwrapped Denali like she was a present she’d been anticipating for her birthday.

#gottrosenali #rosenali #gottnali #gottfoxx #miknali #tt #ww

[oh-my-may]

Tsukishima, Sugawara and Kuroo getting prank ignored for a day

requested: hii, i really like it the getting prank ignored for a day, can u make this again but w/ tsukki, suga and kuroo

Hiii! I’m finally back??? This took forever lmao and I have to say I’m not this satisfied with it but I wanted to post something again? So I’lllet your guys’ feedback decide :)

Hopefully I’ll be able to work on some more requests until uni starts again, but we’ll see. Enjoy this until then! xx

Tsukishima Kei:

Sometimes Kei was... just Kei. In the months of your relationship he had grown a lot more used to you and you noticed how he softened with every day you spent together. That was... Until exams approached and the volleyball matches got more intense, too.

He forgot lunch dates and meetups, study sessions and he even texted you less. Of course you could understand him, he was very busy, but you felt like air to him. You didn’t even see him in school anymore. You were the one keeping the contact up, he only ever responded to your messages with an emoji or a simple sentence.

It got so frustrating to the point where you thought you might as well cut off all ends for a day. Not trying to get your mind occupied with him, just concentrating on school, your friends and yourself for a day.

However when you woke up, you were surprised to see that he had actually send you a message. Karasuno had a practice match this afternoon and he invited you to come and watch them because he knew you enjoyed watching them all play. You felt a wave of euphoria washing through your body, but then you remembered your little “game” and put your phone away.

by the time you’ve reached lunch you received a few more messages from him, mostly a bunch of question marks because you haven’t answered yet, questions whether you were still asleep or sick at home. You weren’t, you sat in the same places as usual in school.

You yourself grew impatient as the end of school was nearing and you were considering actually showing up in order to see him. You couldn’t even focus on class anymore and that’s when you knew your plan had failed. Instead of being able to focus more on other things, even now your mind was filed with thoughts of Tsukishima.

You sighed and gave up when you left the school building after your last class and saw his tall body towering over the rest of the students. His body language may not be obvious to many other people, but it is to you and you knew that he was searching for something. Looking for you.

You figured there was no way out of this for you anymore, so you just walked your usual way towards the exit, your way crossing him. He almost didn’t notice you right away, but his long arms stops you right in your tracks. “What, were you just gonna walk right past me? You seem a bit distracted today Y/N.”

You can just stare back at him. He doesn’t exactly looks worried, but something in his tone tells you he knows that something is going on. So he wasn’t quite that onblivious, but he still didn’t get what exactly was urking you. “Tsukki, really...” You sigh and move your wrist out of his hand which he wasn’t holding that tight anyway, he was just trying to stop you. “I just thought I could try and ignore you for some time, since I’ve basically been air to you lately with all your exams and volleyball stuff.” You try not to, because you know he hates it when you do, but you can’t help but huff a bit and sound kind of bitter with a slight pout on your lips that forms naturally.

There’s some silence spreading between you and you just look into the distance as you await a reaction from him. He also hates it when you don’t look at him when you talk to him like that, when it’s about something serious. So naturally, you expect a harsh reaction from him, but you’re surprised when his fingertips softly brush the top of your head, his fingers threading through some strands of your hair. When you look up you can actually clearly see the bitter regret in his eyes and face, a deep thoughtful fold on his forehead. “Kei?” you mumble a bit regretful, seeing as he’s really deep in his thoughts over your words.

“I didn’t even notice.” he just answers and puts his hand down, just to take your hand in his and intertwining your fingers. “I’m still not used to this, please excuse my behaviour.” You can just smile and coo at this, squeezing his hand and surprising him when you practically jump up to place a kiss on his cheek. “Just talk to me next time, yeah?”

Sugawara Koushi:

It wouldn’t naturally occur to you to just ignore your boyfriend for a day. Not Suga, since he was practically the sweetest and most considerate human being you ever encountered on this planet and he was cherishing you with every inch of his being. Alone the thought of him made you smile.

But your friends could be evil sometimes. You loved them, they were your friends for a reason after all, but they could do very “cruel” things sometimes, like daring you to ignore your boyfriend for a whole day. You felt like not doing it, but maybe you could proof to yourself that not everything in your life is dependent on him. You are your own being, after all. A day has 24 hours, 8 of which you normally spend in bed and around another 7 in class without him, so that leaves only about 9 hours without him. Shouldn’t be that hard, right?

But your heart already aches when you don’t allow yourself to answer his goodnight messages. That doesn’t seem to be that big of a deal to him though “You’re probably already asleep, huh? Sleep well! I hope you dream of me <3″. You smile to yourself but put your phone away, trying not to think too much about the next day.

In the morning there are already more messages from him waiting for you. “Good morning! I hope you slept well! Can’t wait to see you today <3 You’re always welcome to watch practice if you don’t have anything else to do!” There’s a sting in your heart as you swipe them away and prepare everything for the day. Your lucky it’s a wednesday, that means today your boyfriend doesn’t walk you to school, but you meet your friends halfway to school. You try not to let the teasing get to you and just make your way to and through school as quickly as you can, not even noticing that you rush right past Suga. He tries to stop you in surprise, but he fails because you’re too fast and he’s left wondering. Maybe you just didn’t see him in the crowd of people?

Luckily during your first classes that day you don’t receive any messages, as Sugawara is a responsible pupil that doesn’t like using his phone in class (be like Suga!!) But when you try your best to avoid him during lunch, he gets very suspicious and asks to go to the restroom in class just so he can text you. On the way there he walks past your classroom and can’t help but spend a minute watching you, hoping that maybe through some telepathic power you look his way. Of course you don’t though. Instead you’re surprised how easy it is to focus on class as you try to push the thoughts about your boyfriend away and distract yourself with something else.

As the school bell rings Suga is the first one out of his classroom, surprising all his classmates. He ignores Daichi’s calls saying that he shouldn’t forget about practice today. Instead Koushi runs through the hallway to your classroom to catch you right as you walk out.

You almost scream when you feel someone grabbing you and pulling you aside, until you realize its your birthday. You’re relieved for a second until you remember your bet and then give up with a sigh as you watch your freinds walking by behind Suga, dragging their fingers over their throats and acting as though they’re crying. You drag your eyes back to Suga who looks you up and down more worried than you’ve ever seen him.

“Y/N! What’s wrong? You didn’t reply to any of my messages and ignored me completely during the breaks!” He lloks frustrated and desperate for an explanation and you can’t help but smile a little at his words, raising on of your hands up to caress his cheek. “I’m sorry.” is all you can bring over your lips before you press your face against his chest and wrap your arms tightly around his torso.

You spend a while in this position until you can get yourself to explain everything to him and your voice is so filled with regret he just can’t be mad at you. He couldn’t ever be mad at you. He just tells you to never to something like that again, because he really felt like he did something horribly wrong, and then you walk to his practice hand in hand. Like that, you can even bear you friends teasing. You wouldn’t ever go without a single day without Suga, that’s what you learned.

Kuroo Tetsurou:

It was a dumb idea, really. You would have never agreed to this. But you can be stubborn sometimes, and you also would not loose a bet to Kenma, Yaku and Lev. Ignoring Kuroo for 24 hours - it couoldn’t be that hard, right? “It’s what I’m trying to do for as many hours as possible, Y/N. I would be glad if someone asked me to do that.” Kenma said in an unimpressed manner while not looking up from his game. You sighed and just left them standing there without a word, as Yaku and Lev kept on shouting things they want if you loose the bet. Which was not gonna happen. You hoped.

In the morning it was usually you that texted him first, asking about his sleep and what his day was gonna be like. It was easy not to that, though, because he never answered over text and instead just read them and answered them when you saw him in school.

Getting out of Kuroos way in school was a bit tricky, though, as he normally greeted you in front of your classroom. Sometimes he was already waiting in the door frame. You cringed a bit when you saw him standing there, but maybe the best way to go was just acting as though he wasn’t there. Just dodging under his arm and walking right to your seat and then striking a conversation with one of your classmates as soon as possible so he wouldn’t get the chance to talk to you. And it was even easier to do in practice. Kuroo was caught off guard when you just walked right past him and he could just observe your figure in the room with a surprised look. “Okay.” he said to himself quietly and left and you were almost relieved thaht when you turned around he wasn’t there. Of course it hurt you to just ignore him like that. You could just blame the others if it went wrong, right?

During lunch you literally sprinted out of the room into the restroom and waited a good 15 minuted there. Just so you could be sure he wasn’t in the cafeteria anymore, because he liked being the first one there. You could just imagine him sitting there with a free space next to him, looking around and waiting for you. Your heart clenched and you felt miserable. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. You were just hurting yourself at this point.

With your head hanging down you left the toilets behind and waited in front of his classroom. Slowly all his classmates came and went inside, but Kuroo didn’t show up until 1 minute before the bell. You looked up in relief and then ran right into his arms, almost causing him to fall. “Woah, all of a sudden, Y/N?” He laughs into your ear and you can’t hold back a dry sob. “Yaku, Lev and Kenma mde me do it I’m sorry I’m such an idiot.”

Kuroo just giggles even more as he works his hands over your hair to soothe you. “No one can resist me for long I guess.” he sighs and makes you look up to him by placing a hand under your chin. “Yaku, Lev and Kenma you say? I’ll make sure they’ll practice some extra serves and run more laps today.” His thumb travels over the soft skin of your lips as he considers: “Or for the rest of the week, or the whole month, or until the next match.” His hand wanders along your neck until he plays with the hair at the top of your head again. “Just don’t do something like that to me ever again sweetheart.” Then he places a soft kiss on your jaw and vanishes inside of his classroom.

For as long as they have to do extra practice, you don’t get anything else from Yaku and Lev other than evil glances. They still make you buy them their favorite snack, though.

#haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu reaction #haikyuu scenario #tsukishima x reader #haikyuu x you #tsukishima scenarios #tsukishima x y/n #tsukishima x you #tsukishima reaction #tsukishima scenario #sugawara x you #sugawara headcanons #sugawara x reader #sugawara fluff #sugawara scenario #kuroo x you #kuroo x reader #kuroo headcanons #kuroo scenario #kuroo imagine #kuroo fluff #kuroo tetsuro x reader #sugawara kōshi #tsukishima kei #tsukishima imagine #sugawara imagine

[alt-rose]

a trip to syracuse - colson baker

colson baker imagine

a trip to syracuse - a trip to syracuse leads to a cameo and a heart to heart.

word count: 4.9K (someone stop me)

the scene is in big time adolescence. if you haven’t seen it, i highly recommend. it’s on hulu. 

(this could be considered a part 2 to 21, but it could be read alone)

(GIF from tenor)

it was July. you had spent your last few months working your ass off at SNL before staring as a lead in your first comedy film after your second season of SNL had ended. you had been all over the country in the last few months. you were in New York for work. then, you traveled home to your hometown to visit your family during your first week of the summer hiatus. then, you had to ship out to LA to work on your movie. then, you somehow ended back in your hometown.

you were everywhere. busy. never had time for yourself, or the time to do what you really wanted.

you hadn’t seen Colson since a few weeks after your birthday weekend. you texted back and forth. you called occasionally when you both had time. he made you laugh, and you, of course, enjoyed hearing about all his crazy stories. you looked forward to the random pictures he sent you from the studio or from set. he liked having something to share with someone, or rather, someone to share things with.

the two of you were like two best friends that could share everything with each other without needing to be physically there for each other. you could go days without talking because of your busy schedules, yet whenever you caught up with each other, it felt so natural. your relationship felt impossible to explain to anyone that asked. you felt connected to him somehow, but you couldn’t place the feeling.

--

             colson baker: you should come visit me

that was the text you got at 3 am on a Wednesday, well technically Thursday.

you smiled at your phone as you stared at it. the light blinded you as you laid in bed in your dark bedroom at your parent’s house. it was 4 am in New York. what could he have possibly been doing? you learned not to ask that question often when it came to Colson and Pete. they were night owls and tended to drink or smoke anything they could get their hands on. for your sake, you’d rather not know what they were doing. it helped keep your nerves at bay.

however, 4 am in New York tended to worry you a bit. you opened your phone, squinting as the light grew brighter. you began to type back.

             you: I should?

             you: please tell me you are being safe

you scrolled through your phone as you waited for a response. your phone buzzed with a notification. you opened the message.

             colson baker: safe at pete’s place

ah. Pete’s place was their new hangout. Pete was staying with his girlfriend, AG, as you called her, and it was technically her place. they were getting ready to head to Syracuse in a week or so for Pete’s new movie that Colson was making a cameo in.

             colson baker: you should visit

             colson baker: call me a pussy but I miss you

you smiled at that text. he missed you. your heart thumped in your chest.

             you: I miss you too

             you: text me tomorrow when you are sober and it’s not the middle of the night.

             you: let’s see if sober colson wants me to visit

you watched as the typing bubbles appeared before the message appeared.

             colson baker: sober colson said yes

             colson baker: but, I’ll text you tomorrow about it

you laugh at his message before typing back.

             you: goodnight cols

             you: get some rest

your eyes began to lull shut, but you were determined to stay up for the next ten minutes in case he wanted to text you.

you fell asleep to one finally message from him.

             colson baker: goodnight velcro monkey

somehow the velcro monkey joke always made an appearance when someone was drunk or high. it made them laugh at how the reserved, independent person you were could turn into the clingiest drunk on the planet.

you smiled one last time before shutting off your phone and going back to sleep.

--

the next morning, you sat in your parents’ kitchen answering emails on your laptop. your attention was occasionally pulled away from work as you watched your dogs play in the family room. it was good to be home for a bit, but your parents and dogs were a bit distracting when it came time to work.

             “your phone has been buzzing for the last 20 minutes,” you mom said setting your phone down at the kitchen table. “you left this upstairs.”

             “god, thank you,” you tell her not looking up from your computer.

             “a lot of messages from a Colson Baker,” she gives you a look, raising her eyebrow.

             “who’s Colson Baker?” your dad asked butting into the conversation as he made his way into the kitchen.

you moved to quickly snatch you phone from them. you were an adult now with an adult job, yet they still treated you like a teenager.

             “a friend,” you reply as you opened your phone.

you had four messages and a missed call from Colson.

             “seemed like they really wanted to get a hold of you,” you mom hummed as she moved to make her third cup of coffee that day.

             “why do they want to get a hold of you so badly? seems important,” your dad chimed in.

             “guys, it’s fine. please chill,” you reply. “just a friend. anyway, I have to take this call.”

you got up from the table before taking your dogs out to your back patio. you took a seat on one of the outdoor lounges as you called Colson.

             “hey,” his raspy voice rang through the phone.

             “hey,” you sigh. “what’s up with Syracuse?”

             “you should come visit me in Syracuse.”

             “I know, but why Syracuse?” you laugh.

             “Pete’s doing his movie, and we’re both making a cameo.”

you went silent for a bit.

             “we talked to the director this morning. they need background for my cameo scene, so I suggested you to Pete, and he was cool with it. the director said it was cool if you wanted to join the project for a cameo.”

             “are you serious?”

             “deadly. come spend the rest of the summer in Syracuse with me.”

             “I’ll have to check my schedule-”

             “shut up,” he laughed. “I know you’re free.”

             “you’re right,” you sighed. “my family isn’t going to be happy with me leaving again, but they can just visit when SNL starts back up.”

             “so you’ll do it?”

             “sure, what else do I have to do?” you asked adjusting the phone to your ear. “plus, a week or two in Syracuse with you and Pete would be fun.”

             “YES,” you heard him shout over the phone. “aight, cool,” he finally calms down. “I’ll let Pete know.”

             “alright, Cols. sounds good,” you sigh into the phone.

             “what’s wrong?” he asked after a beat.

             “nothing. I’m just trying to figure out how to explain why a Colson Baker was blowing up my phone earlier to my parents.”

you heard him let out a laugh from his end. you heard him murmur something to someone. you heard him laugh once more before he addressed you.

             “Pete said to tell your parents that I’m your dealer.”

             “tell Pete that my parents might have a heart attack.”

you heard him mumble something before you heard a roar of voices.

             “tell your parents that Colson works as a janitor for NBC,” you heard Pete yell into the phone.

             “you guys are ridiculous,” you sigh into the phone as you pinch the bridge of your nose.

             “but you love us,” Pete sang into the phone.

             “yeah, I do.”

you heard them laugh.

             “you could just tell you parents the truth,” Colson suggested. “I don’t mind your family knowing. the whole reason we were keeping it quiet was to keep you out of the spotlight.”

you thought about it for a minute.

             “and what exactly are we keeping from her family?” you heard Pete in the background.

             “that I’m her best friend now. I replaced you,” Colson quickly replied.

             “HEY,” you yelled sitting up in your seat. “I never said that.”

             “it’s okay,” Pete said louder into the phone. you can only assume he was closer to the phone. “I know you love him more than me.”

             “that’s not true,” you said in a defensive tone. “I love you both equally.”

             “RIIIIIGHT,” Pete drew through the phone.

             “right,” Colson agreed.

             “it’s okay. I know who you text when you’re supposed to be working, (y/n),” Pete slyly said in the phone.

             “knock it off, Pete,” you growl into the phone, causing the guys to laugh. “where’s your girlfriend? can’t you go bother her?”

             “oh shit,” you heard Pete say. “I forgot to bring her the food we made. bye (y/n).”

you laughed at him before you heard Colson.

             “I took you off speaker. he went back into his room with the food.”

             “you guys made breakfast?”

             “yeah, our post-mushroom pancakes,” he said. “totally came down from them a half hour ago. the food’s probably cold as shit now.”

             “RIP to AG’s kitchen.”

             “RIP, indeed.”

you laughed.

             “I can’t wait to see you, Cols,” you smile into the phone.

             “I’m excited to see you, too. I’ll send you a plane ticket.”

             “I can pay for my own plane ticket. it’s okay,” you reply. “you can save that up to buy me dinner when I get to Syracuse.”

             “(y/n) (y/l/n), are you asking me on a date?”

             “too forward?” you laugh.

             “not forward enough. maybe, I could buy you breakfast too?”

you laugh and cover your mouth with his suggestion before you finally calm yourself down.

             “maybe you could,” you reply coolly.

             “NOOOO,” he whined into the phone. “can you come to New York now?”

you laughed together before the conversation lulled into a gentle silence.

             “can I tell you a secret?” you whisper into the phone.

             “shoot.”

             “I’ve been listening to your music.”

you paused waiting for his reaction.

             “oh boy, have I converted you to hip hop and rap?”

             “no, I made an exception for Machine Gun Kelly,” you smile.

             “really?” you could hear him shift around. “got a favorite?”

             “27,” you reply too quickly. “I’m a sucker for the piano. Kiss the Sky and Habit are pretty good too.”

             “next show I have, you’re gonna be in the crowd. I want to perform for you.”

             “for me?” you ask in a posh voice. “you could always give me a private show.”

             “I just might.”

suddenly, your attention was pulled to your mom who was standing at the back door. you raise an eyebrow at her as you listened to Colson mumble through the phone.

             “hold on, Cols,” you tell him. “what’s up?” you ask her.

             “we’re leaving in a half an hour to go to dinner at your grandparents. you need to get ready,” she replied.

you nod to her. she stood in the doorway waiting for you to get off the phone. you raised another eyebrow at her. she wanted to eavesdrop on your conversation.

             “alright,” you sigh. “Cols, I have to go. I have dinner with my grandparents.”

             “fine. fine. call me later?”

             “yeah, I’ll call you later.”

             “bye (y/n), love you.”

you smiled at that. even though the love was platonic, it felt good to hear it from him.

             “bye Cols, love you too.”

once you hung up, you gave your mom a pointed look.

             “love, huh?” she smiled.

             “just a friend,” you mutter before calling the dogs in.

             “just a friend that you love,” she teased.

             “so who is Colson Baker?” your dad chimed in once the two of you made it inside.

             “he’s a friend of Pete and I,” you reply heading to the stairs.

             “what does he do?” your dad asked looking up from his phone.

             “just look him up. I have to get ready.”

once you safely made it up the stairs and away from their questions, you began to rummage through your closet for clothes. you were pulled out of your search by your dad yelling up the stairs.

             “MACHINE GUN KELLY. YOU’RE FRIENDS WITH MACHINE GUN KELLY?”

--

a week and a half later, you were on a plane to Syracuse. your parents weren’t super hip about you leaving so soon, but you argued that it was for work. and, it was. you weren’t lying.

they also were not so happy about your friendship with Colson, or Machine Gun Kelly as they knew him. your mom argued for the tattoos, which made no sense, since they liked Pete, and he had tattoos. they were also not so impressed that he was a rapper.

maybe, you shouldn’t have let them read all the articles about him.

he was heavily misunderstood by the media, and Colson was not ‘Machine Gun Kelly’. he was Colson Baker. you tried to explain that he was so much more than what the media portrayed, but your parents were more of the seeing rather than believing type.

with that all said, you were happy to be out of the house. you were tired of constantly arguing for and defending your friendship. anytime you got super defensive of Colson, your family accused you of being in love with him. were you? hell yeah. but, you weren’t going to admit that to anyone. you ran from your feelings, remember?

once you finally landed at the airport in Syracuse, you texted the guys.

             colson baker: in line waiting for you

             colson baker: north pick up line

             colson baker: black escalade

when you finally made it out the doors with your baggage, you searched for the black escalade. you attention was pulled to the sound of doors opening, and you found Colson on the passenger side of the car as Pete climbed into the backseat. you smiled as you watched the guys. you made your way to them.

             “hi,” you smile.

             “hi,” Colson replied looking down at you.

you kinda forgot what it was like to be around six-foot giants. Colson moved to take your bag from you before putting it in the trunk. after you helped him load up your bag, he took your hand and led you to the passenger seat.

before you could hop in, he grabbed you and kissed you. you moved to grip the fabric of his jacket as you kissed him back.

             “did you just kiss her? what? did he just kiss you?” Pete asked dumbfounded from the backseat as he looked back and forth from you and Colson.

you laughed to yourself as you buckled your seat belt while Colson made his way to the driver’s seat. as he hopped in and buckled up, he turned to you. you laughed before turning to Pete.

             “anyone want to answer me? did you kiss her?” Pete said slapping Colson’s shoulder with the back of his hand.

             “yeah, I did. what are you going to do about it?” Colson raised an eyebrow at him.

you laughed picking at the skin of your lip.

             “what the hell? am I third wheeling this whole trip?”

             “dude, you would have had me third wheeling this whole trip if we didn’t invite her.”

             “how long?” Pete whined. “how long has this been a thing?”

             “since my birthday,” you reply quietly.

             “since your birthday,” he said dropping his jaw. “that was months ago.”

             “I know,” you laugh. “to be fair, we haven’t seen each other much since. we’ve been talking and stuff, though.”

             “what the hell, guys.”

you and Colson both laughed as he pulled out of his spot in line and drove toward your hotel.

             “oh, I told my parents about you, and they googled you. they aren’t very happy.”

             “fantastic.”

--

you spent your first day on set waiting around for the guys in Pete’s trailer before your call time. you and Colson sat and talked, just being close to each other after months apart. once it was finally your call time, you got your makeup and hair done, which wasn’t much considering you were just an extra in a scene.

the director had you placed at a bar table with two other girls. drinks were all placed in front of you. you fixed your hair a bit before the director called action. the scene began and you just kept your head down, while you waited for your cue. one of the guys walked up to your table and began talking to the three of you. the camera panned over to your table, and the guy began his lines. you smiled and laughed at him.

             “I already have a tab open so if you want another-”

             “hey,” Pete yelled catching your attention. “I’m sorry about our friend. we found him in a dumpster. he’s a rescue. sorry”

             “it’s okay,” the girl next to you yelled.

             “aw don’t worry. he’s got all of his shots though, so he won’t bite,” Pete called back.

             “oh,” the girl laughed. “what about your puppy?”

             “who? Mo?”

             “yeah, he looks a little young to be in here.”

             “you look a little old to be in here,” Pete shot back. you had to hold in your laugh.

             “CUT,” the director yelled. “let’s do it one more time, just in case, and then move on.”

you repeated the scene once more before everyone moved on to the next part of your scene. the guys all crowded around your small table. Colson stood behind Pete, who was sitting on one of the barstools.

             “you guys look great. can we get another girl on the other side of Griffin please?” the director asked, gesturing to the second lead in the film. “(y/n), can you move?”

             “yeah,” you reply before hopping out of your seat to sit on the other side of Griffin. you then realized that you were directly in the camera’s line of vision.

you looked up at Colson who was across the table from you. he sent you a wink before taking a drink of whatever liquid was in his glass. you smiled back at him before Pete reached across the table to fist bump you. you laughed at him before getting ready for the scene.

the director moved back and called “Action.”

             “Mo actually got back from the army,” Pete started his lines.

             “yeah?” you respond.

             “yeah, he was there for 16 years,” Pete replied to you.

             “let’s not talk about, yeah,” Griffin responded giving Pete and Colson a look.

             “anyway, yeah, he hasn’t been laid in 16 years. how crazy is that?” Pete said before Colson could interrupt him.

             “aye, to Mo,” Colson said bring his glass in.

             “to Mo,” the table responded crashing the glasses together.

             “welcome back brother,” Colson said.

             “yeah, man.”

             “hoo-rah, right?” Colson said clinking his glass to yours.

             “hoo-rah,” Griffin cheered back.

             “hey, may we all make it to heaven before the devil knows we’re dead, baby,” Colson yelled.

             “YEAH,” Pete cheered back beating his chest like a frat boy.

             “cheers,” Griffin called before clinking his glass to yours.

             “wait. what does that mean?” Pete asked.

             “like, we’re sinners and-and-” Colson nodded his head. “and, bad motherfuckers, and he’s coming to suck us back…” Colson paused to do a little motion before continuing. “he wants us.”

             “isn’t that, like a Buzz Frontier song?” the other guy asked, and Colson looked up at him.

             “who wants us?” Pete interrupts looking at Colson. “what did he do? what did we do?”

             “Satan, motherfucker, wants us,” Colson said moving his head to emphasize each word.

he then bent his head back up before making eye contact with you. one of the other girls began to laugh, which caused the table to laugh with her. Colson sent you another wink, and you smiled back at him.

             “Cut,” the director called. “that was good. let’s do it one more time.”

--

you were sad that your scene was over. you liked working with Pete and Colson. after you finished getting out of your costume, you put your clothes back on before heading to Pete’s trailer. in there, Pete and Colson were lounging on the furniture.  

             “what are you two doing?” you laugh as you close the trailer door behind you.

             “waiting for you,” Pete shot back.

             “what’s the plan?” you asked taking a seat on the couch next to Colson.

he wrapped an arm around you.

             “I have to shoot for a few more hours, but we can meet up later,” Pete suggested.

             “do you want to go out?” Colson asked you. “while we wait.”

             “sure,” you nodded. “what time do you think you’ll be done?” you asked Pete.

             “not sure, but I’ll text you.” Pete stood up from his seat. “I have to get back, but I’ll see you later.”

             “aight,” Colson replied reaching to dab up Pete.

Pete took his hand before patting you on the head.

             “bye Pete,” you call to him as he leaves.

             “bye, be safe,” he laughs back at the two of you.

as you watched the door of the trailer shut, you felt a pair of eyes on you. you turned to find Colson staring down at you.

             “what?” you laugh at him. “do I have something on my face?”

             “no.” he gave you a small smile.

             “then, stop staring at me like that.”

             “staring at you like what?”

             “like that,” you said pointing at his face. “making me feel self-conscious.”

             “can’t help that you’re really pretty.”

             “and that’s my cue to go,” you say starting to get up from the couch.

Colson laughed behind you before pulling you back onto the couch.

             “do you want to go to the mall?” he asked smiling at you. “then I can take you out for that dinner you promised me.”

             “ohhhh, I guess I did promise you a dinner,” you hum. “let’s go then.”

--

             “try it on.”

             “no. did you see how many zeros were on that tag?”

             “jesus, just try it on.”

             “no.”

             “get in that goddamn dressing room and try on the goddamn dress,” Colson mutter quietly to you.

Colson had dragged you into some fancy boutique to “buy you a dress.” you resisted, of course, and the fact that he was so willing to buy you an expensive dress scared you. you were very responsible with your money, and you never splurged on yourself. this, of course, was not going over well with Colson now that you were refusing to even try on a dress that was more than a hundred dollars.

             “Colson, it’s really expensive,” you softly say looking up at him.

             “so?” he shrugged. “please let me buy you something nice.” he gave you the closest thing he could to ‘puppy dog eyes.’

             “jesus, fine,” you breathe pulling yourself from his eyes. “I’m trying it on, but if I don’t like it, you’re not buying it.”

             “scouts honor,” he said holding up his hand.

with that, you snatched the hot pink mini dress from his hands and marched toward the dressing room. you could hear Colson lightly laughing at you as he watched you.

once you made it into the dressing room, you took a seat on the bench. you put your head in your hands before taking a breath. were you doing this? yes, and it went against every bone in your body. after you settled yourself down, you began to take off your clothes before trying on the dress.

once you began to slip on the dress, you couldn’t get it to zip up. you tried every angle possible, but the zipper wouldn’t budge. you let out a heavy sigh before collecting yourself. you peeked through the sliver of the door to see if Colson was outside the dressing room. you found him browsing at a rack of clothes a few feet from your dressing room.

you opened the door by a crack before poking your head out.

             “Colson,” you whisper-yelled to him.

his head perked up before finding you. he began to stalk closer to you.

             “how does it look?” he asked when he got to you.

             “I think I need a bigger size,” you admitted to him.

             “I’ll go grab the next size up, but can I at least see it?”

             “no, it won’t zip up,” you shot back.

             “can I try?”

             “can you try?”

             “jesus christ,” he sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. “just turn around.”

you opened the door a bit more before turning around. you felt him place his hands on your hips before finding the zipper.

             “this should totally zip,” he whispered in your ear. “the zipper’s just stuck.”

you felt him move the zipper down before pulling it back up. the dress finally zipped.

you sighed once the dress finally fit properly. as you glanced in the mirror, you fell in love with the dress. you looked good. it was almost as if the dress was made for your body. it didn’t gap in weird places, and it wasn’t too snug. it felt perfect, and for its price, you were glad it was perfect. it would be a rip-off if it wasn’t.

             “damn,” Colson whispered.

             “damn,” you nodded.

             “you’re getting it.”

             “I’m not going to fight you on it,” you reply turning around to face him. “now, get out so I can get dressed.”

             “at least, let me unzip you first,” he laughed.

--

four hours and a shopping trip later, you and Colson were sitting in some fancy restaurant together. he was in a fashionable shirt and jacket while you sat in your hot pink mini dress.

             “thank you for dinner,” you say reaching across the table to take his hand.

             “you’re welcome,” he smiled at you after he handed the paid check back to the waitress. “I promised you a dinner, didn’t i?”

             “you did,” you laugh.

             “you wanna get out of here?” he suggests nodding toward the door.

             “sure,” you nod back.

with that, he moved to help you out of your chair. with his hand in yours, the two of you headed to his rental car. he opened the passenger door for you. before you could get in the car, you turned and placed a hand on his cheek.

his eyes met yours, and your heart melted. his hands landed on your waist, and he pulled you close before planting his lips on yours. you leaned up to kiss him back. and there you were, standing in the parking lot of a fancy restaurant making out like a bunch of teenagers.

--

at sunset, the two of you were sitting at the private rooftop patio of your hotel. you were both laying on one of the daybeds watching the sky change colors. you were deep in thought.

             “I’m scared,” you admit staring up at the sky.

             “scared?” Colson quietly asked you from where he was laying next to you.

             “yeah,” you breathe. “I don’t do relationships. I run from them. maybe it’s my fear of rejection or my fear of getting hurt.” you pause for a moment. “I really like you. like really, really like you. and part of me is scared because I don’t want to get hurt, but I want a relationship. I want love, you know?”

             “I get it,” he murmured next to you.

you were both at the point of the night where deep conversations were rolling. should you have been so honest with him? who knows. would you regret it tomorrow? maybe. but, right now, it had been said.

             “and, I want a relationship with you.” he rolled over on his side to face you. “I’m just scared because I don’t want to be just another girl for you. you buy me a pretty dress and take me to dinner with the hopes that I land in your bed tonight, and it makes me wonder,” you whisper.

you could feel his gaze. he took one of your hands and placed a kiss on the backside of it.

             “you and I both know my track record with relationships kinda suck,” he starts. “but, I want this to work.” he brushed a peace of hair from your face. “I’ve never felt this way with anyone, and I’m going to be completely honest when I say it scares the shit out of me. and, if it makes you more comfortable, we can take this relationship at whatever speed you want it to go. I just want to be with you. I want to make this work, and I want to be a part of your life. I want this relationship to be more than just texts at 4 am and kissing you once every three months.”

you were both quiet for a bit. you were processing what he had said. he wants this to work. he wants to be with you. he wants this relationship, and he wants it to be more.

             “I’m gonna fall in love with you if you keep saying shit like that,” you whisper after your moment of silence.

             “good,” he smiled placing a hand on your cheek. “because, I’m falling in love with you.”

your breath caught in your throat. you wrapped your arms around his neck before pulling him down to you. he placed his lips on yours and kissed you. laying there in the daybed, you kissed him back.

             “be my whatever,” he whispered.

             “be your whatever?” you ask raising an eyebrow.

             “yeah, whatever you want to call yourself. just be mine. be mine, baby.”

             “okay.”

and you kissed him once more.

.

.

.

not sure how i feel about this. hopefully, this does justice for a part two, anon. i hope you enjoyed. feel free to send requests. - rose xx

#colson baker #colson baker imagines #colson baker x reader #machine gun kelly imagines #machine gun kelly x reader