#Like Im happy she was a fan of the series and wanted to be a Vulcan since she was a kid but that is shadowed by the cult like im sorry
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・ falling out of love
fans think that you and tom are falling out of love after filming for ballad of songbirds and snakes and you don't post about each other much, so you show them that it's far from the truth.
[heres to 2024 coming soon. this is not part of my ongoing series but a little something else to hold you all over. never proofread, just vibing. btw just watched salt burn and I’m scared of barry now]
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
liked by… rachelzegler, joshandresrivera, hunterschafer & others
tomblyth: the vibes are green
893k likes 398k comments
user: he’s so happy!!!
user: um, where’s yourusername?
user: that’s definitely not yourusername
user: they don’t have to be around each other all the time
user: they haven’t been seen together in ages ☹️☹️
user: if they break up I’ll cry myself to sleep every night
user: my man looks so good
user: maybe she just didn’t want to hike (i wouldn’t)
user: 😍😍
user: he’s active again!!!!
user: I miss them
user: where’s yourusername
user: daddy 🔥🔥🔥🔥
user: just wanna know who the girl he’s with is, i just wanna know
user: is that the necklace yourusername gave him?
user: y’all are obsessed!!!
user: let my man live
liked by …. florence.pugh, austinbutler, jaimieflatters & others
yourusername: packing only the essentials
901k likes 650k comments
user: packing?
user: what do you mean packing, where you going?
user: hotmamma
user: I love u
user: where’s tom
user: where is she going? to tom
user: is she leaving tom?
user: I love her whole vibe
user: I hope she’s going to go see tom 😔😔
user: why is she always slaying, it must be so tiring to be her
user: tomblyth
user: tomblyth
user: tomblyth
user: I can’t lose my third set of parents plssss
user: hearts breaking rn
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
user: rip tomblyth and yourusername, I’ll miss you
user: cosying up??? they’re literally just talking
user: it was bound to happen
user: tom!!!! cone get ur gurl
user: crying in the club rn
user: not believing in anything until they confirm
user: I can’t believe it; i won’t
user: love is dead
user: as long as they’re happy
user: they were probably pr for the hunger games and it’s been over two years, who cares now
liked by… jaimieflaters, sadiesink_, zendaya & others
yourusername: that’s a rap on me and my Malibu dude!
871k likes 0comments
[comments restricted]
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
‘It’s so over,’
trending on twitter
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
liked by… tomblyth, rachelzegler, jamieflaters, tomholland2013 &others
yourusername: tom and I falling out of love, a compilation
1.1m likes 832k comments
user: oh it’s so back
user: she really said stop it!
user: parents!!!!
user: THANK GOD
user: taking the toaster out of the bath rn
user: goals
rachelzegler: you guys are so cute I’m gonna throw up
user: the fourth picture hello?!?!?!
user: damnnnnn
user: THANK GOD IM SO HAPPY
user: stfu enews
user: he’s such a gentleman in every picture but the fourth
user: I just knows he’s packing
zendaya: ❤️
user: planning the wedding
user: twitter lied!!
liked by … yourusername, rachelzegler, joshandresrivera & others
tomblyth: falling out of love? more like falling in love with every single day that passes. I love you
tagged: yourusername
1m likes 750k comments
user: AHHHHHHHH
user: the posts!!!! the posts!!!!!
user: I just know they picked out these photos together
user: I love them
user: they’re giggling and kicking their feet rn
user: this is the cutest damn couple ever
user: I know they’re so in love because look at like these pictures, so darn cute
user: two years going on forever!!!
user: they could never make me believe you guys were over
user: they were literally probably just laughing off the rumors
user: they had us in the first half, ngl
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
‘Oh it’s so back!’
trending on twitter
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the mclaren boy mystery | part two
l. norris / o. piastri
summary: in which your boyfriend is a formula one driver for team mclaren and when you finally decide it's time to start hinting to the world, the internet is confused on exactly which driver is your boyfriend.
pairing: social media au || lando norris / oscar piastri x reader
fc: jazmyn makenna
a/n: sorry this took a little longer than i expected! it was so fun to make though. i didn't want to say who she's actually with because i feel like it's fun for the readers to have to figure that out too! so please share any guesses you have lol i'm interested to see what people think the outcome will be. hope you enjoy and thank you sm for reading<3
part one | sweet relief series | valentine's day drabble
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liked by yourbrother, maxverstappen1, and 101,225 others
yourusername happy birthday to my favorite brother, i love you and am so grateful to know i have someone in my life who looks after me like you do<3 here's my fav pics of us of course they're all racing related lol, our first love
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yourbrother "my favorite brother"... As far as I know I am your only brother 😐
⤷ yourusername 🥱🥱🥱🥱 technicalities
yourbrother Thank you least favorite sister, miss those days. Have to get back out on the karting track, been too long since I've beaten you
⤷ yourusername been too long since you've been beaten, you mean?
⤷ yourbrother Yeah, yeah we'll let the track times speak for themselves
⤷ user1 ok but we have to admit the brother sister banter is kind of adorable
⤷ user2 no bc she seems so sweet 😭
user3 nah because what is max verstappen doing in this girls likes now????
⤷ user4 and the plot thickens 😯
user5 she saw everyone calling her a fake f1 fan and said take a look at this
user6 yn hater club how you guys feeling right about now
⤷ user7 🤡🤡🤡🤡
user8 honestly kind of hope she's dating one of them
⤷ user9 yall switch up so fast please 😭😭
user10 seriously..... you HAD to only post f1 related photos lmfao so totally pandering to the landoscar fans
user11 f1 school of wags next graduate
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liked by mclaren, yourusername, and 1,891,218 others
landonorris DOUBLE PODIUM!!!!!!!! couldn't have asked for a better race, congrats @/oscarpiastri and a huge thanks as always to @/mclaren 🧡
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user1 I SAY THATS MY BABY AND IM SO PROUD 😭
user2 mclaren double podium... oh i used to pray for times like these
user3 oscar piastri you are insane omfg
user4 MY POOKIES LOOK AT THEM !!!!!!!!! 🫂
user5 save me landoscar SAVE ME
yourusername jumping up and down screaming and crying losing my mind
⤷ landonorris you should probably get that checked out....
⤷ user6 THATS IT, ITS YN AND LANDO IM CALLING IT
⤷ user7 nah nah nah this is so giving gf of the bestie banter
⤷ user8 agreed hopping on the oscaryn train 💪🏻
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yourusername added to their story
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oscarpiastri added to their story
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liked by kellypiquet, oscarpiastri, and 789,012 others
yourusername qatar gp smiles <3 practice timeeee
📸 @/kellypiquet
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kellypiquet so beautiful
⤷ yourusername all you
landonorris eye spy a mclaren car down there?
⤷ yourusername ? i just see a tractor
⤷ landonorris not funny. 😐
⤷ yourusername i certainly laughed
⤷ oscarpiastri same actually
⤷ user1 i dont know how much longer i can take this
⤷ user2 GUYSSSS i am telling you its so oscaryn
⤷ user3 WHAT literally look at the Proof its so landoyn 🥱
⤷ user4 i am giggling we're literally in a shipwar
user5 she's so pretty i'm sorry guys i love her 😵💫
⤷ user6 well yes!
user7 patiently waiting for one of the mcl boys to main feed post her then we know for sure ‼️
⤷ user8 at this rate it still won't clear anything up
lilymhe miss u beautiful
⤷ yourusername omg i miss u more ms lily
⤷ user9 she has The wag stamp of approval WE MOVE!
user10 theres four e's at the end of 'time'....... landos number is 4 i've got it guys 😃😃
⤷ user11 seek medical attention STAT
⤷ user12 bro thinks this is a taylor swift album release
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liked by mclaren, landonorris, and 789,012 others
yourusername oscar piastri sprint race winner AND mclaren double podium, better start calling me the good luck charm
view all 1,281 comments
user1 nah bc you're onto something.....
user2 she can't be serious 😐
⤷ user3 well no shit it's just an instagram caption
user4 i cannot be the only one who finds the caption extremely weird
⤷ user5 nah i'm with you i've never liked her 🙄
⤷ user6 its just so odd like forcing yourself into the mclaren narrative completely taking away from the boys achievements writing it off as your own doing...
⤷ user7 omfg yall are so dramatic just say you're jealous they're not dating you lmfao
⤷ user8 no fr because it is not that serious it's clearly a joke like she loves them cmon now
mclaren BRB getting your paddock passes for the duration of the season
⤷ yourusername i'm giggling, i love you guys 😙
⤷ user9 see mclaren is fine with it so yall should be too
⤷ user10 now i'm going to need all the haters to sit DOWN and shut the fuck UP
oscarpiastri wait can you send me that picture
⤷ yourusername i literally did already but okay
⤷ oscarpiastri ok could do with less attitude
⤷ yourusername you have not seen real attitude piastri
⤷ oscarpiastri 😧
⤷ user11 i think this just converted me to team oscar
⤷ user12 nah this is literally landoyn confirmation
landonorris 🍀
⤷ user13 i am picking up what he's putting down
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part one | sweet relief series | valentine's day drabble
taglist:
@landoscar-f1 , @urfavnoirette , @imsiriuslyreal
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ੈ✩‧₊˚ PADDOCK TO PADDOCK (LN) PART 8
series masterlist | previous part
lando norris x fem!horse rider!reader
landonorris just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚
liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc and 207,567 others
landonorris 100th race, p2, and a nice little call with my girl to show off her flexibility. thank you austin
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user3 ‘MY GIRL’🥹🥹🥹
user7 I KNEWWW EVERYTHING WOULD BE OKAY
user9 lando have you seen what she’s done?
landonorris have friends? yeah pretty happy for her tbh
charles_leclerc p2 because the fia hates lewis and me*
user2 see everyone the boys are fine
landonorris keep crying mate
yourusername i actually hate you so bad rn
yourusername @/charles_leclerc SURE you don’t wanna date me instead?
user1 HELP Y/N AJDJDJSJ
user6 she said i’ve had ENOUGH
charles_leclerc make me that rice dish again and i’ll consider it
landonorris @/charles_leclerc you don’t even know what tteokbokki is called you don’t deserve her😤
yourusername just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚
liked by landonorris, lilymhe and 200,087 others
yourusername from monaco with love
👤 tagged alex_albon, lilymhe, charles_leclerc
only people yourusername follows can comment
alex_albon we need to have a serious conversation about how cute lily always looks in the photos you take and yet…. me…
lilymhe that’s just your face baby
charles_leclerc he’s not gonna know what hit him🤫
yourusername you could not have made this sound worse
charles_leclerc i’m quite enjoying being an accessory to internet drama
lilymhe do you know what’s rude? you spend one (1) second with a man and get a dating rumour… yet NOTHING when you hang w me!
yourusername FR we’ve been married for two years atp🙄
landonorris i know a Better place in monaco you can visit🧡
yourusername get your cute butt home and show me then
texts with charles ੈ✩‧₊˚
y/nupdates just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚
liked by landonorris and 10,397 others
y/nupdates y/n at the airport today!! it seems she’s flying out to mexico for the upcoming grand prix 🩷
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user9 seriously? has everyone just forgotten she’s a cheater?
user3 and yet you follow fan accounts of her??? get a life
user7 ur actually miserable. lando hates u.
this comment has been hidden by the author
y/nupdates any unnecessary hate comments will be deleted and you will be blocked🩷
user8 she’s so pretty even in the rain :( and she stopped to take photos with fans
user1 apparently someone gave her a necklace with an L on it and she put it straight on🥹
user8 @/user1 YOURE KIDDING THATS SO CUTE IM GONNA CRY
user1 THEY GAVE HER A MATCHING BRACELET FOR LANDO WITH HER INITIALS ON AS WELL!!!!
landonorris thank you admin for giving me a new lockscreen
user2 OH MY GOD ADMIN
y/nupdates 🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣 YOU ARE SO WELCOME
landonorris just tweeted ੈ✩‧₊˚
tweet 4 should finish: hate towards those close to me*
tweet 6 should finish: blocked by my team**
twitter reacts ੈ✩‧₊˚
mclaren just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚
liked by yourusername and 165,407 others
mclaren from p17-p5. not the start to the weekend he wanted but he only went and turned it around🙌🏻
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user2 SO PROUDDDS
user9 all because of her….
user3 HAVE FUN GETTING BLOCKED LMAO
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user6 GUYS I THINK MCLAREN ACTUALLY BLOCKED THEM THE COMMENT ISNT SHOWING UP FOR ME LMAOOO
yourusername that’s my boy
mclaren we heard it had something to do with his lucky charm😉
user3 this isn’t taking a week off ma’am
yourusername had to support the boy. it starts now <3
y/nupdates just tweeted ੈ✩‧₊˚
a/n:
OKAY this part was boring i am very sorry BUT there is onE OFFICIAL PART LEFT. it’ll be a long one i warn now but then there may be a mini epilogue of stuff i fully made up for next summer xxxx
thank you all for coming on this crazy ride with me — sorry it’s aLL OVER THE PLACE atm but it makes sense in my head ok
charles au is also otw next week and a one shot lando smau
taglist (found in pinned post): @idkiwantchocolatee @vellicoranorca @alessioayla @bborra @crimeshowjunkie @minkyungseokie @paolexsstuff @celestialpato @champagnelovers101 @loxbbg @hobiismyhopeu @tsukishitm-a @moonypixel @champagneproblems17 @ironmaiden1313 @lqvesoph @sunflower-golden-vol6 @six-call
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Okay, review time!! If you are one of the oddballs who thinks you cant be critical of something you love I suggest you stop reading now before I ruffle your feathers. Iron flame, second in the empyrean series. I am gonna start with what I was not a fan of and then go into the shit I adored.
1) what in the actual fuck was the pacing of this book?? I can tell you what, it was non existent. There was none. Where I thought there was a lot of filler in the last book there was none in this one. We got snap shots of conversations and then *boom* more plot flew at you. The timeline of this book greatly suffered for it i think bc we end only a couple weeks, if that, after threshing, which happens sometimes in October. This book was actually so wild with times.
2) while it was a spectacular cliff hanger, xaden becoming venin pisses me off. Especially if Rebecca yarros isnt going to have him tell violet. Like if that small tid bit of a conversation we got wasnt him telling vi that he was venin then the entire romantic conflict of this book was rendered pointless and their going to be having the same fucking fight for the rest of the series and at rhat point I give up.
3) I understand that the revolution is trying to take down basgaith and make the world better or whatever the fuck but can someone actually formulate a real plan for me?? Because I feel like their mission is just, giving violet and xaden something to be pissed at each other about.
4) the entirety of cats character. I get that she was set up as a spin on the typical jealous ex. Like having her be bitter about xaden picking violet over her but OH WAIT it wasnt actually about the man it was about the crown, oohh not like other girls. Im a writer too I see the point. I dont care. I think it was trashy. If you wanted her to be a bitter spiteful ex then have her be a bitter spiteful ex, the whole crown thing was shallow.
OKAY haters your time is up now onto the shit that made my heart hurt with joy and sadness
1) xadens arc in this book. I really liked that he went from "transparency is never gonna happen" to losing his fucking mind over violet and giving her everything. I love feral men and he qualifies. I think his arc was really well done and i liked it.
2) I appericiate that violet stuck to her guns for this book. She wouldnt let xaden off without a fight and I loved that. She made him bow and scrape and I was eating it up. It was spectacular.
3) the throne room scene. Violet on the throne. "Im making a temporary point not a lasting vow of maschocism" xaden being feral.
4) that gets its own point actually, just xaden being completely feral this entire book healed a part of my soul.
5) andarna's little speech at the end where she was like "I waited for you violet" made me ugly cry. That was just so hopelessly good I loved it. Andarna in general heals my heart but that part was just *chefs kiss*
6) tarin being completely and utterly ready to eat people this entire book. Just, at every turn "I want lunch their pissing me off " was spectacular
7) every scene their squad was in. Rihannon, violet, sawyer and ridoc are my roman empire. Their bond is so amazing. The fact that they launched a rescue mission for violet. Rihannon being ready to kill xaden at every turn. Ridoc being so platonically and adorably in love with violet. Just- augh happy cries happy cries. I love it all. Their so special tbh.
8) I love xaden actually, just, the whole book every scene hes in lives in my brain.
9) I liked that we saw a small bit of violet being feral this book too. I hope that we get more of that in future books. I want more of violet losing her fucking mind. Hot, badass women covered in blood
10) Liam. Fucking Liam. When violet was kidnapped and Liam was there. Now, do I logically understand that he was a hallucination, yes, do i care?? No. He was a gift from Maleck I will be hearing no critiques on that. It was so fucking sweet and amazing. I love violet and Liam and Liam being dead so horribly breaks my heart. I loved Liam. Liams death lives rent free in my skull.
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there’s this guy on tiktok who has done studying in marketing and discusses downfalls of different celebs (or sometimes positive takes), and he did a “downfall of TS” series (which is ironic to make in the current economy even if you believe in it fully), and i do think he has some great insight in general and ofc he knows what he’s talking about, but it’s just wild to me that people analyze taylor’s relationship with us as one-sided. yeah i have a parasocial rs with her, but that woman has a parasocial rs with us too and people don’t realize that. idk how to explain to people, but she literally talked about eras tour and us being her everything last summer when… you know… yeah. and i feel like so many people think she’s being fake, but you can’t fake a connection. he talked about her being business-savvy and how that takes away from the authentic feel, but to me at least, it just makes me feel proud of her for getting her worth and being smart, like i actually want her to do well and be happy. he talked about fans feeling like they’re one message away from her, and ofc i feel close to her and like i know her because she shares herself so openly, but i highly doubt any fan genuinely believes that (even young fans) esp post 2020.
i feel like people analyze her by thinking that her authenticity is fake when that’s not true at all. she’s untouchable, but she manages to be grounded and honest to her fans and be generous through it all. i feel like lil things that connect us to her are unknown by the public, which i actually like and prefer btw. most recent example is red herring, and her, as always, letting us know before the world. and im not even go into everything she shares about herself as a human and her struggles via her music (which obviously are accessible to everyone, but are not being analyzed by everyone, and she knows we love analyzing). or how she is currently telling us stuff about her life via mashups that, again, she knows we will analyze and the general public won’t. this missing component of people’s understanding of her and her relationship with us truly hinders analysis of her as a person or even as Taylor Swift (the brand).
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Look After You- Part 2
Thank you all for the lovely feedback on the first part of my Buck x reader x Eddie series, I hope you will all like this next part. Any comments are always lovely.
Taglist: @lunaticspoem@sj-thefanthefan@hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27@avyannadawn@sleepylunarwolf@coverupps@justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz
Evan Buckley Masterlist
Part 1
Summary: (Y/n) has to go on restricted duty at the station when she's pregnant. But it's not as easy as it looks, especially when she starts to feel unwell.
Enjoy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Pops!"
A wide grin spread across Evan's face and he dumped his bag down along with his shoes by the side of the door before he reached his hands out in front of him. He held his arms out and let Chris run into him at full speed, giggling in his ear as he clearly found something very amusing.
"Hey, how was school, did you have a good day?" He leaned back up and pulled Chris with him, holding him against his chest as he took a few steps into the hall.
"Good, look. Look!" The excitement was clear in Chris's voice and he leaned back and held out the photograph in his hand that Evan hadn't noticed a few seconds ago.
He made his way into the living room, holding Chris easily in one arm while he gently took the photo from him and held it up to see what it was. A wave of anticipation and surprise flooded Evan's veins when he realised what the black and white photograph was.
The scan photo.
(Y/n) had today off and Eddie had been on the night shift while Evan was on the early shift today. Their mix-matched shifts meant that Eddie had the time to go to (Y/n)'s scan with her today, whereas Evan had to go to work. He wasn't impressed at missing the scan. Evan wanted to be there, he wanted to see their baby appear on the screen and hear the heartbeat and see for himself and make sure everything was alright.
He didn't care what kind of looks they would get if both he and Eddie turned up at the scan and had to say that this was a poly relationship and this child was both of theirs. But Evan was hoping to go to the next appointment.
"Ah, you got the photo for me. What you reckon, baby brother or sister, hm?" Evan carefully eased Chris down to his feet and watched him slump on the sofa with a grin and turn the tv back on.
"Brother. Dad's not happy."
"Why?"
Unease rattled through Evan as he shrugged his coat off and did a quick glance around. He couldn't see either of his partners. He looked back down at the photo and traced his thumb across the grey image that was his baby.
"Don't know, he slammed the door." Chris brushed his hand against his nose before he reached out for the games control so he could set up the tv to play a game. He couldn't understand why two of his three parents came home unhappy, but he knew his dad wasn't pleased when he slammed the front door and then the bedroom door.
With a nod of his head, Evan ruffled Chris's hair and headed out the living room towards the kitchen. He smiled softly when he noticed another scan photo was pinned on the fridge. That meant this copy was for Evan, he could put it in his wallet later.
"Hi sweetheart," Evan reached his arm out and reeled (Y/n) into his chest when she walked down the hall. He pressed a kiss to her temple and kept her tucked up into his chest as he moved into the kitchen and tugged (Y/n) with him. He felt her arms cocoon around his chest and her face tucked into his chest making him smile against the top of her head.
He tucked the picture in his back pocket and leaned into the fridge to grab a drink while he stayed curled around (Y/n).
"Good shift, baby?"
"Hm, not too bad really. So, how'd it go? Don't keep me in suspense."
Evan leaned his hips back against the counter and placed the beer bottle down behind him before his hands grabbed at (Y/n)'s hips. He slipped his hands into the waistband of her jeans and tugged her between his legs until her hands fell on his chest and she smiled softly.
Her eyes trailed down to her stomach when Evan curved his hand round and pulled the hem of her shirt up so his fingers could dance over her stomach. She didn't quite have a bump yet, but her shape was beginning to change and (Y/n) knew both her boys were just dying to see a bump start to form.
"It was good-"
"Good? You call that appointment good?" Sarcasm dripped from Eddie's voice as he walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter across from them. He arched his back out and folded his arms over on the side as his brows rose and he looked at (Y/n) with something close to a glare.
Unease washed over Evan and his hands slipped out her jeans and moved to cup her hips again. He darted his eyes between them both, waiting impatiently for someone to tell him what that comment implied. If something bad happened at the appointment, one of them would have called Evan, even if he had been at work.
"What does that mean? Did something happen?" Evan didn't like the silence he was met with, or the way (Y/n) curved her arms around his waist and tilted her head into his chest to hide herself away. "Come on, someone tell me what happened."
Eddie pushed off the counter and cocked a hip to the side, one hand on his waist while the other arm stayed leaning on the counter.
"Do you want the bad news, or the bad news?"
"Eddie!" (Y/n) pressed her cheek into Evan's chest and glared at her partner, scowling as she hissed his name with daggers shooting his way. He couldn't say something like that and panic Evan, it wasn't fair. And she didn't want to have this conversation like this because it wasn't easy. Eddie had barely spoken to her since they came home and now he was taking this conversation into his own hands.
"Since her first appointment, she's started to lose weight instead of putting any on. And her blood pressure is going through the roof."
Adrenaline sparked in (Y/n)'s stomach and her fingers tightened into Evan's back when she felt him stiffen in front of her. His hands squeezed her hips and he leaned back until (Y/n) finally relented and looked up at him through hooded lashes.
"You've lost weight? Baby, you're supposed to do the opposite." Evan's jaw clenched and his lips pursed when (Y/n) looked back down at his chest and leaned her forehead on his sternum.
He could feel her breaths start to run away without her and pant into his shirt and it made his hands tighten around her hips. Evan didn't want her to panic or get upset but this wasn't a good situation to be in. She couldn't start to lose weight when she was supposed to be gaining weight and eating more than this. They both knew (Y/n) still wasn't eating properly because of her morning sickness, but Evan didn't think it was this bad.
"If we can't get her to eat properly within the week, she has to go into hospital for observation."
"What?"
The way Evan tensed up and let go of (Y/n) made her flinch and she coiled her arms to her chest when Evan moved his hands to grip the counter behind him and he stared down at her. Was she really this ill? Was she really getting bad enough for them to think about admitting her to hospital?
"I'm not that ill-"
"Babe, if you don't manage to eat anything we won't have a choice. You could lose the baby if you keep deteriorating like this-" Eddie stopped talking the moment he saw tears begin to flush down (Y/n)'s face. He watched the way she began to tremble but it was the small, almost silent whimper passing through her wobbling lips that made Eddie flinch.
"I- I can't help it…" (Y/n) couldn't, she wasn't doing this on purpose. She couldn't help the fact that her morning sickness was starting to overtake everything else. Any food started to come back up with vengeance and anything she tried to drink didn't stay down for long.
The midwife said it was dangerous for her to start losing weight like this and with her blood pressure being consistently high and her food and fluid intake being low, she was in the danger zone. She had an appointment for next week and if her levels were still low, she would be admitted onto a ward until she could start to eat consistently and perk back up.
"Mi amor… that's not what I'm saying but we can't carry on like this. You're not telling us when you're throwing up, I didn't know you hadn't eaten for two days straight, you can't hide that from us."
"Two days? Jesus baby- fuck. Baby you have to let us look after you." Evan reached back out for (Y/n) and curled his hands around her hips when she pushed forward into Eddie's chest.
She didn't want either of them to be mad at her. Her hands shook against Eddie's chest which made him feel worse and he curled his arms around her, tightly squeezing her into his chest. His lips pressed to the top of her head but when his eyes locked with Evan, the panic was clear in them. They couldn't let her get any worse than this or she would end up in the hospital which none of them wanted.
"I don't, I don't wanna lose another baby."
"We won't let that happen, mi amor."
Neither Eddie or Evan wanted to think back to that time just over a year ago. They didn't want to remember that night when Eddie went into the bathroom at midnight and found (Y/n) collapsed on the floor. Evan couldn't forget the panicked phone call he got saying Eddie had ferried Chris to his Abuela and taken (Y/n) down to the hospital.
By the time Evan got there, (Y/n) was on a drip and a blood transfusion and he had to be told she'd suffered a miscarriage. None of them knew she had been pregnant.
(Y/n) didn't want to feel that pain again. She didn't want to stay in hospital for a week with an infection and then develop sepsis. She didn't want the pain of going home knowing she'd lost a child she had no idea about. And (Y/n) knew about this baby. She had seen a sonogram and heard the heartbeat, her heart was already attached to this baby. A piece of her and her boys.
She couldn't lose another baby, but she didn't know what to do when she tried so hard and nothing seemed to work.
She tried taking complan shakes but she threw them up. She tried eating fruit or sugary foods and tried to drink as much as she could. Every hour she forced herself to drink a glass of juice or water or pop but nothing stayed down for long.
"Is the baby okay?" Evan kept his voice quiet and directed his question over to Eddie because he could see (Y/n) was starting to shut down. His lips pressed to the back of her head while his hands slowly smoothed up and down (Y/n)'s arms and shoulders.
"Luckily. I'm gonna get a few IVs from inventory and hook her up to them tomorrow. We've been given anti-sickness tablets, vitamins, and high protein and fibre shakes. The cupboards full so we'll have to see if any of them work this week."
Eddie had come home looking like he had robbed the pharmacy. He had two boxes of anti sickness tablets that (Y/n) had to take three times a day so she could try and eat meals. She had vitamins to take every morning, folic acid tablets to have once a day. And some prescribed complan shakes that couldn't be bought over the counter. They were specially made up of fibre and protein and more supplements to try and perk (Y/n) up and make her keep her weight instead of lose any.
If they worked, (Y/n) would have them on prescription every month and she could start to get better. If they didn't, she would be in hospital.
"Come on, you need to start them now before we try and eat." Eddie kissed the top of (Y/n)'s head before he slowly untangled from her and weaved around behind Evan.
They would be eating dinner soon and (Y/n) needed her meds up to an hour before she ate so her stomach could settle and the meds could get in her system. Eddie was praying this worked. He didn't want to think of the alternative if this didn't go well.
"Jesus." Evan's eyes narrowed when he looked over at the bag Eddie got down from the cupboard.
(Y/n) leaned back into Evan's chest when he moved over and pressed his hips back against the counter near the stove. He curved his arms around her waist and held her against his chest with his chin perched on top of her head. Both of them watched Eddie scan through the boxes and try to sort them out. When it came to medicine, they let Eddie organise and sort everything out, it was much easier that way.
"Okay… two anti-sickness tablets, and you can have the vitamins now and start the acid tablets in the morning."
Adrenaline sparked in (Y/n)'s stomach and she clenched her hands down on Evan's wrists when she watched Eddie place the meds into one of Chris's small plastic medicine cups.
Tablets didn't seem to stay down at the moment; nothing (Y/n) tried to take would stay down for very long.
"Can you crush them?" She might have a better chance of keeping them down if they were crushed. Then they would get into her system faster and dissolve quicker so (Y/n) had less chance of throwing them back up and it might make it easier to eat dinner.
But her face dropped when Eddie shook his head. "They're slow release mi amor. Try take them with one of the protein shakes."
Eddie opened one of the bottles and handed it across to (Y/n) with the little cup of tablets. He leaned his hip against the sink and folded his arms over his chest as he and Evan watched her closely. The anticipation was clear on their faces and in the way they took slow, deep breaths. They were hoping this would work. They all were.
Tentatively, (Y/n) sniffed the drink but her throat tensed and her nose crinkled when the smell of strawberry flooded her nose.
It didn't smell appealing.
It tasted better than it smelled, but it didn't go down well. It felt like cooling metal sliding down her stomach and it settled heavy within the first few seconds. Some foods tasted normal to (Y/n) and she tried to eat but even if it was good or smelled appealing, she threw it up anyway because her body wasn't accepting anything and she couldn't understand why or change it around.
She downed another mouthful and had the vitamin first but her foot began tapping against the floor when her stomach rotated.
With a grimace, (Y/n) chugged down the two anti-sickness tablets and a large gulp of the protein shake before she put the bottle down and tried to hold her breath and see if it made her feel better.
"Don't they do the soluble emmetics?" Evan's lips pressed to the back of (Y/n)'s head when he could see she was struggling.
"Not over the counter," Eddie pulled at his lower lip and scratched his hand down his chin. Soluble emmetics were given at the hospital through IVs and monitored closely. They didn't serve them through the pharmacy, not even on prescription. But they were going to have to get something else if (Y/n) couldn't keep these down.
(Y/n) slammed the back of her hand forcefully against her mouth as she gagged and closed her eyes. Tilting her head back into Evan's shoulder to try and stop herself from throwing up.
She wasn't letting herself get any worse than this. She would keep the tablets down and make herself eat. Somehow. She wasn't going back to hospital.
***
"Hey Eds, what's up?" Evan turned the radio down and leaned his elbow against the window as he slouched back in the driver's seat. He let his eyes glance to his phone clipped next to the steering wheel where Eddie's icon popped up on the screen.
He couldn't help but smile at Eddie's rather precise timing. Evan had just finished taking Chris out for a drink before he dropped him off at a friend's house for tea.
"Hey, is (Y/n) with you?"
"With me? No. I've just dropped Chris off at Adam's house, she should have left by now." Evan had been out the house for a few hours now, doing odd jobs with Chris and dropping him off. He hadn't seen (Y/n) since he left home and she was on shift this afternoon so she should have already gone by now. She didn't tag along with Evan because she knew she would have to get ready for work.
"No, Buck she's not here, she's late and she isn't answering the phone. Do me a favour and check if she's coming in or not. I can tell Cap she needs another day off if she needs me to."
Evan ran his hand over his face before he clicked the indicator on and turned a sharp right corner. He thought the house would be empty, which was why he had been about to make his way to Maddie's house to see her. Evan didn't like being home by himself.
But he would gladly swing by home and check in on (Y/n). She had cancelled her last shift and Bobby said it was fine if she needed to cancel or swap her shifts around. But she wasn't answering the phone and Eddie didn't know if she was running late or if she had decided not to come in today.
"Alright, I'm almost home I'll ring you back and let you know."
"Thank you."
Evan said a quick goodbye before he ended the call and turned to pull up in the drive.
(Y/n)'s car was still here. She hadn't left yet. Either she was taking the day off or she was just running late, but that didn't settle well with Evan. In the four years he had known (Y/n), he had never known her to be late for work. She turned up early whether there was a raging storm outside or whether she looked like she was on death's door. Being late wasn't something she knew how to do.
He locked the jeep and headed up to the door, jingling his keys as he unlocked the door and headed inside. The tv was playing an old music channel, but when Evan walked through the hall, he couldn't see her.
"Babe? Baby, you okay?" He wandered down the hall towards the bedroom but he paused in front of the bathroom when he noticed the light was on and the door was slightly ajar. "Baby?" He rapped his knuckles on the door before he pushed it open.
His blood ran cold when he stepped inside. Goosebumps prickled on his flesh and a cold shiver ran beneath the surface of his skin when he locked his eyes on (Y/n).
She was curled up on the floor in front of the toilet, both arms slumped around the toilet bowl and her head was limp on her arm. Evan could see tears soaked into her face and as soon as her blurry eyes set on him, he watched her lower lip begin to wobble before she started to whimper.
"Baby what happened?"
Evan let his knees crash down to the tiled floor and he carefully cupped (Y/n)'s face in his hands and lifted her head up so he could look her over. His thumbs smoothed beneath her eyes and wiped away the tremendous tears that started to fall when she looked up at him.
His eyes narrowed and his thumb swiped across her lower lip which he pulled down while he leaned forward. Her lips were chapped and broken. When he moved his hand to press his palm against her forehead, Evan could feel she was burning up and her skin was flushed with sweat.
"T-three drinks, and my m-meds…" (Y/n) nudged her nose against Evan's wrist before she looked over towards the toilet until he understood.
She'd thrown up all the meds she had taken this morning and the drinks she had tried to take to bulk herself up ready for her shift. She thought if she managed to drink something, she might last on shift and be okay until she came home in the morning. But everything she had, she threw up and now she was feeling the effects.
(Y/n) hadn't managed to keep her dinner down or her tea last night. She couldn't stomach breakfast and she had thrown up the slice of toast she tried to have for lunch today.
"Oh baby, just hang in there for a minute, okay?"
Evan kissed her burning temple before he pushed up and moved to the bathroom cabinet. He found the thermometer and blood pressure cuff before he knelt back down beside her and slipped the cuff up her arm. (Y/n) didn't grumble or protest, she just let her head flop back onto her other arm while the band tightened around her bicep until spots danced in front of her eyes.
Her vision blacked out for a few seconds but she could see the colours starting to come back once Evan pressed the thermometer in her ear.
(Y/n) tried to lift herself up but as soon as she was sat up, her head started to spin and the headache behind her eyes got worse. She flopped forward, barely hearing Evan hiss her name as he reached out for her. His hands grappled with her arms and he slumped her body into his chest and tucked his chin on top of her head while he fished his phone out his pocket.
"Hey Buck, is she coming in?"
"Eddie, I'm taking her to the emergency room."
"What? Why?" The panic was evident in his voice and Evan winced at Eddie's pitch. It sounded like he was on speakerphone with how loud he was talking.
"She's dehydrated, like, thrown everything up and all her meds. And her BP's crashing, it's eighty over seventy."
Evan had been expecting a high blood pressure reading, but with everything (Y/n) had thrown up, her body was starting to go into shock. She was trembling horribly against Evan's chest and she was barely conscious. Her blood pressure was dropping fast and if they didn't level it out soon, it would take a toll on her heart.
"Shit. Go and I'll meet you down there. Try and keep her awake and get some water or something down her."
As soon as the call ended, Evan shoved his phone in his pocket and curved his arms around (Y/n) to hoist her up. "Alright baby, up we go." He didn't like the way (Y/n)'s head limply flopped against his shoulder or the shaking that started to make his arms tremble around her.
"I'm s-sorry."
"What're you talking about, baby? I don't wanna hear that, you've got nothing to be sorry about." His lips pressed to her burning forehead as he headed down the hall and made his way out towards the jeep.
There was no reason for (Y/n) to be apologising to him, she hadn't done anything wrong. This wasn't her fault. She hadn't orchestrated this or planned it or prayed for something like this to happen and Evan hated seeing her crying helplessly in his arms like this.
He tried to be careful and ease (Y/n) down into the passenger seat and when her head lolled to the side, Evan gripped her chin and pushed her head back up. He tugged on her chin until she looked over at him through squinted eyes.
"Stay awake, baby or we'll both be in big trouble with Eds, got it?"
(Y/n) hummed and tried to blink to refocus her vision. She let her head slump forward onto Evan's shoulder when he leaned around her to pull her belt across and she felt him kiss her temple before he shut the door and moved to get into the driver's seat.
She barely heard him demand 'drink' while he placed a water bottle in her hand that he had lying around in the door pocket. But two sips had (Y/n) leaning forward, spluttering the water back out. And her hand started to shake so badly water trickled down her wrist and her fingers pinched and crumpled the plastic.
She dumped the bottle down in the cup holder and curved her arms around her stomach, groaning at the pain. Her stomach was tied up in knots, aching and burning, desperate for the sensation of eating something even though her body was going against her. The back of her throat was on fire and the acid burned on her tongue from throwing up everything from water to bile.
A groan tumbled past her lips and she tilted her head forward, binding her arms tighter around her waist as horrid tremors started to tear through her and she began to gag. There was nothing left to throw up but she couldn't stop even as she coughed and gasped for air.
Evan wasn't surprised to see that Eddie had reached the hospital before him. It was closer to the station and Bobby would have sanctioned Eddie leaving his shift early once Eddie explained what was happening.
He could see his partner stood on the side of the pavement, both hands on his hips and one foot tapping madly against the floor like he was drumming a beat and getting rid of the excess energy rattling through his body. The moment Eddie's eyes clocked the familiar jeep, he jogged forward and followed as Evan pulled up in the closest space he could get to the emergency room.
He was barely out the door before Eddie reached the passenger side and flung the door open.
His hands reached in for (Y/n) and he nudged her to sit back up in the seat with his hands clamped down on her neck so he could assess her. Eddie's thumbs pulled down her eyelids so he could look around her eyes before he did the same to her lips, seeing they were pale and discoloured on the inside and her lips were cracking from dehydration.
"Eddie," (Y/n) tried her best to smile and scrunched her fingers into his shirt when she realised it was him leaning over her. She saw the way his worried lips fluttered up into a tight smile and he pecked her cheek before he looped his arms around her waist.
"Come here, mi amor. Let's take you inside," His hands firmly gripped her lower back around her hips and he leaned her weight onto his chest as he slid her down from the seat.
Her legs trembled and buckled but Eddie held her up and shuffled backwards until he was back on the pavement.
"Let me carry you-" His shoulders tensed and he winced when (Y/n) started to cry. She shook her head and he quickly realised she had noticed where they were.
She didn't want to go to hospital. She didn't want to be back here again. (Y/n) only came to the emergency room when they were dropping patients off in the ambulance. (Y/n) didn't want to be back here for herself. The last time she came here was when she had stumbled inside with Eddie wrapped around her, trying to stop her hyperventilating when she started to bleed out in the car.
She came here because she had a miscarriage and (Y/n) didn't want to do that again. She could remember the pain she felt when she came here, and now one of her boys had to stay with her every day because she started to deteriorate.
She got a horrible infection that left her delerious and drowsy and when she got sepsis, her kidneys had started to lose function. (Y/n) had been extremely lucky to recover quickly from sepsis and have her infection clear up before it got any worse.
The last time she went into the emergency room, she didn't come back out for almost two weeks.
"No, E-Eddie p…please, no-" (Y/n) tried to pull out of his arms but she soon realised Eddie was the only thing keeping her upright. And when she pulled back, her knees caved in and she crashed down to the pavement.
Her hands scraped along the gravel as she tried in vain to turn herself around and move back towards the car. She wanted to go home. She wanted someone to look after her at home, not here. Hospital was where she got the infection and lost the baby.
She wanted to stay at home with an IV. That had made her feel so much better last week when she had fluids straight into her system that way and although it wasn't an alternative or a good long term solution, (Y/n) wanted to do that. Just until she got get her morning sickness under control.
"No-"
"Sorry baby girl, but we have to." Before she could stop him or had chance to shuffle away, Evan reached down and scooped her up. He lifted her up and leaned her on his shoulder with her head slumped down on his back and her knees imbedded into his lower stomach.
His arm locked around the back of her thighs like an iron bar and he swiftly followed Eddie down the path before Eddie reached his arm out towards a paramedic climbing down from an empty ambulance. He knew it looked a lot like they had suddenly kidnapped (Y/n), but they didn't have any other choice. She wasn't helping them and she needed to get seen by a doctor before something bad happened to her.
"Excuse me- we need help."
The woman glanced at them with a very perplexed, worried look until she looked Eddie up and down and realised he was wearing a fire department uniform. That seemed to count for something because she nodded to her partner and waved towards the gurney.
"Baby- no, baby please. We're trying to help you." Evan laid (Y/n) down on the gurney with great difficulty and once she was laid on her back, he grabbed her wrists. He held them as tightly as he could and pinned her arms into his chest while he leaned over the side of the gurney as (Y/n) wriggled and pulled her knees up to her stomach.
"She's fifteen weeks pregnant with severe morning sickness, she's dehydrated and BP's plummeting. She can't even keep anti-emmetics down."
"This way." The paramedics both wheeled the gurney through the ambulance entrance into the emergency room, bypassing the usual reception and waiting room since (Y/n) was now a priority case. They headed down a long corridor with Eddie on one side and Evan on the other, doubled over the gurney like he was trying to climb on top of it with (Y/n)'s arms against his chest.
"It's only immediate family through here, you can wait through there in reception."
Evan's eyes darted up from (Y/n) to Eddie when the other medic pointed at Eddie and motioned towards the corridor leading to reception. They were about to go into a restricted area for emergency consultations and treatment. Not many people were allowed down here and she clearly thought Eddie was on duty and Evan was the loved one since he was holding (Y/n) down on the gurney.
"We're her partners."
"Both of you?" The medic looked between them with an odd glance as she swiped her keycard over the door to open it.
"Yes. Do you have a problem with that?" Evan's tone was as sharp as a razor and his eyes were full of anger. He would fight her if she dared try and tell him one of them had to wait out here. They weren't leaving (Y/n) alone when she needed them both and she didn't like hospitals. They were going to make sure she was okay and got looked after. No one was getting in their way.
"Right this way."
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You make me so…
producer! riri x reader
a/n: I’m sorry if there r a lot of typos, I didn’t have to re-edit this. I was gonna make this a series but I just decided to turn it into a oneshot ! I feel like it’s a bit all over the place but yknow what? It’s fine 💀
@pvnks0ul @fentibeauty @onyxstones-world @kissvamps @shurislover
Riri 🎶
- meet me at the studio in 30, im tryna wrap this album up, I got places to be.
You read the text from your phone and feel an arm secure around your barely conscious frame. You feel a pair of lips against the nose of your neck that you used to make you shiver in the best way possible but has begun to bore you.
“Where you going?” Your girlfriend, Tori, grumbles as you begin to shift away from her. You turn around and gently kiss her forehead.
“I got to go to the studio.” You tell her as you sit up on the foot of the bed. You pull a shirt from the floor over your naked body. She wasn’t all that good in bed and she didn’t put you to sleep anyway so you don’t see a point in staying. Your girlfriend sits up and rubs at her bleary eyes.
“Why does she always need you?” She questions with irritation seeping through her words. You sigh again, this isn’t the first time she’s commented on Riri texting you late at night. You know it’s not flirtatious and they’ve interacted enough for your girl to hate your producer.
You can’t blame her. Riri’s naturally flirtatious, not purposefully. But her kindness can be taken a certain way. She’s caring, loving and so damn carefree it blows your mind. She calls everyone pet names and your girlfriend wasn’t too happy about it when she heard ‘baby,’ slip out of her mouth. Riri’s respectful and when she saw the slow twitch in your girl’s eyes so she had laid off the pet names for a while. Now she doesn’t care so much.
When you don’t feel like recording, she lets you take breaks. She doesn’t push your limits too quickly. She makes the best beats she can find, Hell, she gets you into after parties. She’s so damn considerate and so sweet.
“It’s work, let it go. A’ight?” You breathe out, walking towards the mirror and fluffing your flattened Afro. You feel arms wrap around your clad waist and want to pry her off of you.
It’s no longer cute, it’s borderline possessive and it’s taking everything in you not to say something crazy.
“As long as you know.” She shrugs, kissing your shoulder before heading out of the room, towards the kitchen you’re sure. You freshen up, wearing a skirt and boots. You never leave without a bunch of bracelets on your arm and golden hoops.
On your way out, you hear your girlfriend’s voice over her mic as she clicks away at her ps5 that you remember buying after your first check from a concert.
“I’m heading out.” You murmur.
“Yeah- Yeah, see you, babe.” She says, more excited at the video game on the flatscreen T.V than you. She doesn’t even spare a glance as you head out of your apartment. You don’t understand how someone can be so considerate and careless as the same time.
You do well for yourself, you live on a rather expensive side of Chicago now. And you’ve managed to take your girlfriend with her, she doesn’t work. Not now. She says she’ll get there at some point but even you aren’t sure when.
You don’t bother driving to Riri’s penthouse. It’s a nice night out, not too cold or too hot. It’s a simple light breeze and you find yourself finding more inspiration anyway. You receive a couple looks, a couple fans bump into you, begging for signatures and snapping photos of you. You’re new to this, the fame and paparazzi. It’s flattering and nowhere near Invasive just yet.
You finally reach Riri’s penthouse after a fifteen minute walk. You can hear the strumming of guitar chords and once you reach to knock a voice sounds.
“Doors already open.” Riri’s voice mentions. You push the door open to find her sitting in her leather couch. Her apartment is full of warm light, it’s the perfect temperature with all kinds of warm toned colors splattered around it.
“Wassup, Y/N. I like your fit.” Riri smiles. She noticed at least. She has a one-sided smile plastered on her face and a part of you can’t tell if you find it cute because it’s her or just a preference you have. Her braids are gathered in a bun on top of her head with spiraling curls framing her face.
“Preciate it.” You reply. She’s man spreading, dressed in loose sweats and sports bra , like she is nearly 90 % of the time. The public notices too and she’s had numerous comparisons to Adam Sandler. She’s more stylish but she has I-Don‘t-Give-A-Fuck, attitude. You noticed the sparkle in her tongue from the piercing lodged there as she begins to speak.
“I just wanted to go over the album, before everything’s set. Is that alright?” She questions as she stands up. She doesn’t walk towards her studio room, instead she walks towards the fridge across the island counter.
“You want sumn to drink?” She offers.
You already know it’s gonna be a long session.
…
“That was good, baby.” Riri encourages through the other side of the glass. You feel your face heat up at her compliment. It’s not the first time she’s ever praised you but you have the same reaction every time. You look up to find her with a headset on and relaxed look.
“Do that again, I need you to drag out the vowels a lil longer, f’me. If you nail that then this album is platinum.” She requests while sitting back and placing her hands behind her head. You hear the beat again. It’s slow, sensual and you find yourself rushing a lot.
That’s what this album is supposed to be. Slow. Sensual. It’s what your going for anyway. It’s supposed to be about love, lust and passion. Your supposed to be thinking about your girl. The woman in your home.
But instead you think of her. The woman in front of you, your producer.
You should be be thinking about your girlfriends smile, the soft cologne she wears, her raunchy laugh. But instead you think of Riri, her perfect hair, the vanilla perfume that she sprays on her neck, the softest chuckle she always lets out and that toothy grin. She has the cutest smile you think you’ve ever seen.
“Y/N, sweetheart, you missed the entire thing, you okay?” Riri asks. You snap your eyes up only to find her looking at you. Have her eyes always been this brown?
“I’m okay.”
“Fuckin’ liar, step out the booth, we gon talk this out, ma.” She replies. You want to complain but you do what she tells you anyway. Because truth is, she could tell you anything and you’d do it. And you hate that.
You take a seat next to a rolling chair next to her and focus on the glass covered album covers behind her.
“What’s botherin’ you?” She investigates. You focus on her the different golden rings on her fingers, the way she twists them around her middle and pointer finger.
“Nothing, I just um- I can’t focus.” You admit.
“Yeah? And why is that?” She digs deeper, sitting up so her elbow rests on her knees. Have her arms been so toned? You watch the Cuban link around her move back and forth.
“Is it sumn with yo girl?” She guesses. She takes your silence as a yes. She’s always seemed neutral when it comes to your girlfriend. She doesn’t mention it.
“Y/N, do you love her?” Riri asks.
“I don’t know.” You reply and Riri doesn’t know the reason why your questioning it is because of her. She smiles at you, and you’re sure she’s gonna drop some wisdom.
“Go home…go see her, we have a long day tomorrow, we got an after party. I want you to let loose and have fun.” She encourages as her hand gravitates towards the curve of your left shoulder.
“But the album-“
“I’ll put it together, you’ve given me everything I need.” She insists as she ushers you out. You want to reach out for hug but for some reason that seems to intimate.
“I’ll see you.” She promises and just like that you’re out in the Chicago air again.
Her words stick in your mind.
“you’ve given me everything I need.”
…
The next morning is busy. You wake yourself up and catch the sunrise but don’t have time to watch it. You run through your skincare routine, in the hopes of not having any breakouts.
You plan out your outfit for tonight, you want something that presents you on the outside. So you settle for a dark black body con dress, some black boots to match and a leather jacket. You’ll pair it with some shades and silver jewelry.
This is technically your first after-party and although it’s not a big deal to many artists, it’s a big deal to you. You’re going to meet so many other artists like you, some that you’ve been admiring for years.
While your in your robe, rubbing cream into your face, arms wrap around your waist like they do nearly every morning.
You wonder what Riri’s morning routine is like. Knowing her, she probably wakes up later than she should and most likely stays in bed. It’s wrong for think of someone else while your have a good girlfriend standing right behind you.
Tori’s stable. Predictable. She’s comfortable. She doesn’t try to make you happy anymore, she doesn’t know what you favor. Hell, she barely listens to your music. But you too, have grown far too comfortable. You know what she likes. You’ve known her since you were both in highschool. It’s too late to back out now.
You lean back in her arms and the smell of her cologne has become unfamiliar, your body and system have become accustomed to the scent of sweet vanilla and warm lavender.
“Want some coffee?” She asks and all you can do is smile and nod. You want Riri, but the guilt is too much. The guilt of leaving Tori would squeeze the life out of you.
She has no one but you. Hell, she moved from New York to Chicago to chase your dreams with you. You can’t have her and Riri at the same time. She hands you your coffee, it’s black and there’s nowhere near enough cream but you smile as you drink. She’s good to you.
Riri is no longer an option, she never should’ve been.
…
The party is at a high-end club. Filled with artists, big and small. None that you can see because of the lowly dimmed red lights throughout.
Riri 🎶
-wya? I got ppl for you to meet.
You try to text back but you feel a hand squeeze your own and look back to see Tori smiling at you. She isn’t dressed to coordinate your outfit but she still looks good, only in a simple white Tee and cargo pants.
“You look good, babe.” She smiles, kissing your shoulder excitedly. Her hand squeeze yours again. You notice that she has no rings on it. You shake your head out of it and feel her hand loosen up as her body tenses behind you. You aren’t sure why until you lift your head up. You find Riri in front of you, she’s in the middle of conversation and throwing her head back as she laughs.
She looks gorgeous. Beautiful. She’s in an oversized suit with nothing but supple skin underneath and a plunged v-neck. She holds a clear glass of what you think is wine and her face beat with a soft glam which you see due to her braids being pulled in a high pony tail. She has her rings on as usual and her chain. That never changed.
Tori’s hand trails down to rest on your waist as Riri approaches. You do your best not to stare at the space between her breasts.
“Nice to see you two.” She smiles, gold decorating her bottom row of teeth. You hear Tori fake a laugh as you smile.
“Y/N, I got a couple people for you to meet, just let me know when you ready.” She points out with her bottom lip tucked into her mouth. You spin on your heel to look at displeased Tori.
“Go, I’ll meet you later, mhm?” You suggests. She mumbles something under her breath and pulls you in for a kiss. It’s messy and your sure your lip liner is on her own lips. You latch away from her and find a waiting Riri.
“Here you go,” She says as she hands you a glass of wine. The even doesn’t call for it but she doesn’t need you borderline drunk especially if it’s for business.
Throughout the night, she introduced you to everyone she can think of. All of her friends, all of the artists she works with, some big and some small. You don’t notice how many drinks you begin to grab and she eventually has to wrap an arm around your waist to keep you on your feet. You start to lean into her touch for support, grabbing at shockingly toned shoulders and veiny hands.
“I think you’re done with the drinks, baby.” She whispers lowly as she leans into you. She had caught you trying to grab another but stopped you before you had the chance.
“I don’t need you ruining y’image.” She says sternly. The carefree version of her that you know is long-gone. Her face is stern as she guides you to a more empty part of the club. She puts you up against a wall, forcing her hands not to linger as she reaches into the pocket of your leather jacket.
Your mind is hazy, cloudy is a better word for it. You’re beginning to see two of her.
“Y/N, put the pin in.” She orders as she placed the phone in your face. You want to say something to her, tell her that she looks so fucking good. And that you’ve noticed the tattooed lined down her sternum.
“I’m calling Tori for you.” She sighs.
“Don’t, please. Not now.” You murmur as she puts the phone to her ear. You grab the lapels of her jacket and pull her close, so close that you can tell that she’s swapped her vanilla perfume for something more expensive.
“I want you.” You clarify through a croaky voice. Her eyes widen to the size of plates as you lean in, pressing her body to your own. She leans in close, so fucking close you can taste it.
“I’m not gonna be your second choice, Y/N. I refuse to be an option, okay?” She coldly clarifies. It feels like a damn slap to the face.
The distance between the two or you causes her to drop your phone which she quickly picks up anyway.
“Stop, Y/N. I’m callin’.” She insists. She looks…uneasy. She takes a step back, breathing in deeply as she looks at you with the phone to her ear.
“Yeah, man, she tipsy. We on the bottom floor, by the entrance.” She hangs up and slips your phone back into your pocket.
“We won’t mention this, you’re just drunk, you don’t want this, baby. You don’t want me, aight?” She says, like she’s trying to convince you but more-so herself. She smiles, hoping that it spreads onto your face but it doesn’t. She brings your hand to her lips and for the first time her lips touch your skin. You’ll never forget it. The coldness of her rings, the softness of her fingertips and the callouses on her palm.
“Go home, ma. I’ll see you.” She says with a sad smile that’s etched itself into your mind. She blends in with the lights the further she walks away from you and all you want to do is call for her but you hear Tori’s voice sound form behind you.
“Let me take you home.” She suggests, interlocking her bare fingers with the one that Riri just kissed. Your hand feels gross now, and you can feel the sweat that’s accumulated on your palm.
She kisses your temple but no matter where she kisses you. It won’t compare to the softest one you’ve ever received.
You agree to let her take you home. That’s the good choice. Tori’s the good choice. But if she is then why doesn’t it feel so fucking wrong?
…
You wake up the next morning with a slight headache but that’s not the worse part. The worse part is that you remember every single part you of last night. You remember Riri, her outfit, her voice, her kiss.
“You got real tipsy.” Tori murmurs as she rubs your back. You’re leaned over the bathroom sink with watery eyes and an angry stomach.
“I bet.” You murmur. You’ve always been a lightweight so even you don’t understand why you decided to get wine drunk last night.
“Yeah and uh- I’ll give you some space.” Tori says, leaving you with your thoughts.
You luckily, never end up puking your guts out but the nausea never leaves. Not becomes of the alcohol but because of the genuine anxiety from last night. You try to get some sleep but you never do.
…
Two days after the party you find Riri in her studio. She hasn’t spoken a word about the club. It’s like it’s been wiped from her brain. She keeps calling you pet names and has the softest smile on your face you swear you lose synapses by the second.
But you can’t play along. You’re not sure you want to. You’re seated right next to her with your album playing. The open room feels so stuffy.
And today there are no songs to finish up, or to record. All you two have to do is go over your album. Every song there is. And her favorite song begins to play. It’s your least favorite, more vulnerable than you’d like, it’s not your best work. You named it Seen, again, not your best work, not the most thought out.
“We should scrap that.” You murmur. It’s too intimate, and you’re beginning to hate it. Especially since Riri’s the one hearing it.
“Nah, let it play.” She sighs. All she would really need is a blunt to relax her. You stare at her, admiring her side profile while she closes her eyes. You know it’s about her. The song is about her. All of the nights she spent thinking of lyrics and love, were spent thinking around Riri. You watch her visibly relax, her abs tensing on every inhale and chest rising on every exhale.
“Riri-“
Her eyes meet yours before you can finish your sentence.
“I know…I was hoping you had forgotten, Y/N.” She says, nearly whispering into the air. You’re so tired of having to settle. Riri doesn’t let you, she doesn’t let you settle for bad brand deals, bad concerts, bad programs. You don’t think about any what if’s, what cons there are in your career because as of now she’s done everything in her power so you don’t have to.
"You've given me a lot, Y/N. But I grew up watching my parents and the love they got...There's no one else for them, there's no other choice. They're meant to be...I want nothing less. I don't want to be the other woman." She murmurs, her eyes low as she stares ahead. You remain silent because there's nothing you can think of saying.
"Ion know how you feel bout Tori, I know you want me...But it's not difficult to want someone, You don't want me more than you want Tori,"
But you do.
"I don't like this, being confused. You want me but you still with her..." She exhales before continues. " I can't accept that and neither should you."
Your song has stopped playing for a long time. She still doesn't turn her head to look at you. Your phone buzzes in your pocket and both of you know who's calling. Riri knows you'll pick up. She knows now that you'll always pick Tori and seeing it will only solidify her thoughts.
Tori's good, She's stable. She's everything you need. She should be enough. If that's the case why do you constantly need to remind yourself.
You put the phone to your ear and watch Riri shift a little in her chair. Within two minutes, you're walking towards her apartment door. You don't say anything but before you can walk too far, she speaks.
"Get home safe."
...
Within days, your album charts in the top 10 on Spotify and Apple music. Your phone blows with congratulation messages from people you love, people dear to you, people you haven't spoken to in years and exes that you have forgotten to block.
While you're in the car with Tori, your least favorite song begins to play on the Radio. Today has been so confusing. It's been the worst day and best day of your life. There's nothing scarier than being vulnerable especially to millions of people worldwide.
"This song is real cute, Who's it about?" Tori grins, confident that the song is all about her. Then your heart sinks and you realize that out of the hundreds of messages, you really only wanted to see one. Your eyes begin to burn with tears and your phone pings.
Speak of the devil.
Riri 🎶
- congrats, y/n. you deserve it :)
You put your phone down and in your pocket, forcing a smile on your face.
“You.” You murmur and it excites the woman next to you but she doesn’t know who lingers in your mind. She never will.
what y'all think?
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ribbons release
actor eren x f!reader
**part of my method acting series
content: happiness for once. until it is not. ronnie's love for foreshadowing strikes again.
an: not a fan of this chapter, but we digress. read it and do not kill me if you don't like it.
song: not explicitly mentioned, but this chapter reminds me of about you by the 1975. ratty healy, I hate you but you ate on this one thing.
previous part linked here
--
“I ju-just sent my loc-location, Eren.”
“I got it, Y/N. I just need you to hold on for ten more minutes, okay? Can you do that for me?”
“Y-yes.”
Seattle is famous for rain. You understand that all too well now. After what you’ve counted as twenty-seven minutes - from when you went to take the trash out to the mailpost you’re hiding behind now - you’re all but soaked. Drenched.
Your phone is blowing up with texts, the rain is only getting harder, and the mini black dress and ribbon in your hair do no favors to keep you warm. You slide out of your call with Eren and quickly scan through the messages, buzzing so loud they’re blocking Eren’s voice.
reiner: so, so proud of you always!!! stop being a big famous pop star and go back to being the little twerp who needs my help killing spiders on set :/
levi: I love you too, kid. And on a real listen, we really do love the album.
armin: ann and i are smelling a triple threat on the horizon. love you to the moon and saturn <3
connie: i was accidentally pooping while i listened to dorothea for the first time and i think the combination of those two things at once gave me like a really visceral reaction. im not ok. u are amazing.
mikasa: u are givg me aneurysm. pls don’t forgor to call me the scnd ur okay.
erwin: Call me ASAP.
erwin: Not urgent. Just feeling emotional about my little Canadian reaching hearts all over the world.
king of bitches (maybe: ryomen sukuna): Fluff shit indeed. Blow me a kiss when you beat James for Album of the Year.
danny: where is the album release post? it’s almost been half an hour.
You have bigger problems at the moment. Like the frozen piece of fabric you’re wearing. You should have named the album sweaters or scarves or something. Then at least you’d be warm. And blend in with the paparazzi.
Fuck.
“W-wait, Eren. Y-you ca-n’t b-be the one to get me.” you murmur, shivering through your teeth.
“Do you want to stay with someone else? I know nice people here. My neighbor is in her late forties and has like two middle school aged girls that are really nice. They’d take care of you, I promise you can trust them and-” he rambles.
“N-no. I want to st-stay with you. But pa-papara-zzi. S-send ss-omeone e-else.”
“Paparazzi? Why are-?”
“Er-eren.”
“Would it be that bad if it was me? Like it has to be someone else, Y/N?”
“Y-yes.”
“I have someone in mind. She’s leaving right now, okay?”
Eren’s sound is muffled over the line now, which has you digging your phone into your ear to catch the ends of what he’s saying.
Blast the heater….butt warmer on before she’s in the car….bring it up and I will kick your freeloading….
“Y/N?”
“H-here.”
“Good. I’m sending her. Don't get upset, this is the best I could do, okay? I-I promise she’s actually nice. You can trust her and-and I’d never send someone who would do something bad.”
“O-okay. I t-trust you. J-just get me ou-out of th-this, please.” you whimper, praying to god the rustling behind you is a rabbit and not the group of them finding you.
“I’m trying sweetheart, okay? She’s speeding. She’s on Main and Third, three lights and she’s there.”
That’s when you see it. The flash of the camera. And hear five consecutive clicks right after. You look around the periphery, before you see two of them, two tall guys speed walking closer to where you’re hiding.
So you do the only thing you can. Stand up and run instead.
You scramble up off the pavement, hiking your dress down, and keep running down the block. Climb up the gates, knock over trash cans to block the way, anything to stop them. And when you look back, after who knows how long, you realize they’re gone.
And sit flat on the messy pavement, finally lifting the phone back up. Only to realize Eren’s no longer on the line because your phone is dead. You drop it straight into your lap and dig your hands into your head, covering your ears to stop the pounding sound of the rain from getting any louder.
God. Just breathe. Whoever is coming to get you is on the way. They’ll come get you and then you’ll be out of this mess.
You hear three resounding clicks and a flash of a light to look up at two different paps, two girls this time, getting a straight on picture of you. And all you can do is put your head down in your lap and cry.
They already got the picture. There’s no point in trying to run out of it anymore.
“Y/N.”
“Pl-please. I’m b-begging you. You already got your picture and can ss-spin it into whatever you want. I-I’m still a person, please. Just let me go.” you respond, the tears blinding your sight of vision.
You feel a towel being wrapped around your shoulders and soft hands lifting you up by your arms. And then all of a sudden you’re in a warm car, being sped out of the neighborhood past the groups of paparazzi in between the houses, and not directly across from them having your picture taken.
You’re in a car. You’re okay. You’re leaving. You’re okay.
You lean back and breathe hard, phantom sobs still racking out of your chest, trying to register that you’re almost there. Safe behind closed, triple locked doors.
“D-did you tell Eren?”
“Yes. He’s not far, we’ll be there soon, okay?”
“Okay. T-thank you. I’m Y/N.”
“Lana.”
You turn your head to actually take in the driver this time, to be met with the Lana you feared. Ricky’s ex-girlfriend, Lana. She has short brown hair - entirely different from her long, beachy waves from the Girlfriend incident - a pointed nose and a very clenched jaw.
“Th-there are more blankets on the floor. I pumped the heater pretty hard, but I’ll turn all the fans your way. And anything you could possibly need is being rushed to the house for you, so just don’t worry, okay?”
“I appreciate it. Thank you for coming to get me. I-I”
“Please don’t thank me. I just-”
She takes a harsh intake of breath and turns to give you a look, her mouth upturned.
“He locked you out, didn’t he?” she whispers.
“Yeah.” you respond.
“What did you do?”
“I told him I didn’t like him back.”
She turns her head towards you, a look of confusion on her face.
“It was a PR thing.”
She snorts.
“Your managers must hate you.”
“I’m starting to think they just might.”
“Well. Don’t feel bad. Not for a fucking second. Just because he likes you, doesn’t mean he’s entitled to you reciprocating back. You like who you like. And if I were you, I wouldn’t stop liking a guy like Eren for a skeeze like Ricky either.”
You lean against the glass, hot air blowing in your face, as you take in her expression - so enraged, so exasperated, so furious that it gives you a chill. But when she looks over and gives you a halfhearted smile, you see the pained expression there too.
That’s when you pinpoint it. Lana reminds you of Historia.
“I’m sorry.” you respond.
“For?”
“You knew he locked me out. He must have done it to you too, no?” you whisper, the tension in the air delicate.
She swallows hard and clenches her knuckles on the steering wheel, eyes laser focused on the red light shining on her face. And beyond the original striking features - her sharp jaw and nose - you see the softness too. The dimples, the wrinkles near her eyes, the light brown freckles.
“I wanted to take time off from acting. It-I did a role that was really traumatic and I just needed a break. And he was just about to go on tour and he wanted me to come to support. Like a little cheerleader.”
“So he locked you out?”
“For two days. He-he’s just. A lot of the fame stuff got to him when he was really little. And now he’s got this convoluted sense of self-image and it just- I don’t know. He’s got problems.” she responds.
“I’m sorry. Really, that’s-”
You stop talking, words failing you. And maybe it’s the way your head was frozen ten minutes ago and it’s being melted now, or that the picture they took is going to leak soon, or that there is no good thing to say to something shitty like this. It only took him three months to turn on you, which you’re guessing is generous now. She must have infinite patience for putting up with it for an entire year.
“In a weird way, I’m glad it’s me and not Eren. You- this does something for me. Making sure you’re not out there for two days, it-it helps me.” she whispers, looking over to give you a smile.
“I really appreciate you, Lana. Thank you. And I-I’m not mad at you for the Girlfriend thing. You had every right to do that.”
“Y/N. I have every right to drag Ricky James’ name through the mud. But not yours. And I- shit. Please don’t tell Eren we talked about this. He’s going to kill me.”
“Why?”
“He told me that if I brought it up, he’d kick me out of his house. I kind of stay there because I-I hate living in our townhouse on set because of how toxic it is and he was nice enough to offer. And he made it very clear that I have to pick you and make sure you’re okay, not make you uncomfortable or anything. We’re here to take care of you and-”
“I brought it up. I’ll deal with him if he gives you a hard time. I used to be really good at that type of thing.”
“I know for a fact that you could tell him to twirl in the air like a show pony and he’d do it.”
“I’ll test the theory and let you know.”
She laughs, giving you a smile which you warmly return. Your phone buzzes in your lap, finally revived, and you send a quick message to Mikasa and Jean before shutting it off.
“I-I didn’t know that it was going to go that far. I knew the song and that we were just going to sing it. Let people speculate it was about you. I-I didn’t know they’d have a girl who looked like you OR bring Eren up on stage. And Eren didn’t know anything about the song or the performance at all - they, they set him up.”
“Why would they do that? I mean, they got horrible backlash in the entire thing.”
“They thought people would like it. And they severely underestimated how much people love you. And they did it because, Eren- he. He doesn’t follow rules and-”
“Follow rules?”
“I’m saying too much. He-he’s going to get mad. Ju-just rest, okay? You’re okay now, we’re two minutes from the neighborhood..”
You give her a questioning look, which she returns with a dismissive shake. Stubborn - she’s Historia alright. You lean back in the chair and reach for the music nob, twisting it on. Only to be met with the Teletubbies Theme blasting through the car and a very flustered Lana turning the knob off.
“Fuck.”
“Teletubbies?”
“I-I can explain.”
“Please. I’d love to hear it.”
She drums her fingers on the steering wheel as the silence hangs in the air.
“Okay. Maybe I can’t explain.”
“No need. I appreciate versatile music taste in prospective friends. Especially classics like this.” you respond, cranking the music back on.
“Friends?”
“Don’t be silly. Not exaggerating, but I think you quite literally saved my life a few minutes ago. You’re like the La-La to my Dipsy.”
“Lame. You’re more of a Tinky-Winky. And anytime. We girls stick together, right?” she responds, reaching for your hand and giving it a squeeze. Like Eren.
Did she learn the hand squeezes from Eren? Is he squeezing her hands? They live together so …are they dating?
“We’re here.”
You nod, appreciative of Lana more than maybe any person on god's green Earth, as she pulls into the driveway and helps you out of the car. It’s only after sitting that you’re realizing your legs are so bone dead tired that you’re barely moving on your own.
You move past the hood of the car as Eren walks into the garage, immediately beelining towards you. His hair is long again - it’s always changing every time you see him - and he’s all wound up with tensions sitting in his shoulders. His hands are warm and cupping your face, yanking the cold towel off and replacing it with a warm one.
“Hey. You-you nicked your face, Y/N. And you’re freezing, you-” he whispers, brushing his fingers across the skin near your eye that stings on touch.
Lana holds the door open as he leads you in, arms aggressively moving up and down your shoulders and his face all pinched up in concern.
“You’re good to go? I put your stuff out by the door.” Eren says, gesturing to Lana.
“Is she leaving?” you ask, looking up at Eren.
“Yeah. Don’t worry, it’ll be just us. And I’m sure Mika and Jean will drop everything to fly out for you tomorrow, I can tell them if you need me to and-”
“Well, don’t make her leave. She shouldn’t stay on that stupid set just because of me.” you respond.
Eren looks over and glares at Lana, who is now wide eyed and giving Eren a sheepish smile. Fuck. He asked her not to talk about that.
“Lana.” he says, in a warning tone.
“Eren. Chill out. I didn’t even-”
“You’re so full of yourself, you know that? You- she got drenched and the rain and you were talking about set?”
“It’s not like that! It just came up and-”
“Oh, for sure. You just happened upon it like you were a villager walking in a town square. Ooh Y/N. You just got drenched in the rain and chased by paparazzi, but more importantly, the girls I work with are super bitchy.” he responds, mimicking her voice.
“You-it wasn’t like that! You’re so aggravat-”
“Eren. Leave her alone.” you ask, looking up at him. And you’re sure you must look horrible because he immediately stops when he looks at your face again and signals for her to leave, which she’s receptive to.
“Okay. Lana, text me when you’re there. And check if you were followed on your way out.” Eren says.
Lana stops and holds both of your arms at your biceps, hands soft on your skin.
“Do call me if you need anything, okay? Especially Ricky related. Whatever you do, I’ll back you up, Tinky-Winky. ”
“Thank you, La-La. I’ll take you up on that.” you respond, giving her a warm smile.
“Oh god. No. No, you don’t get to be friends now. Fuck no, Lana. Please stick to the geriatric grandmas you play Scrabble with.”
“You’re just mad they beat you at mahjong last week. Because you’re a prissy loser.”
“And you’re-”
You jab Eren in the side, signaling him to stop, as they both nod and she slides her way out. From the way he’s arguing, the look on his face is so similar to the one he gives Connie when they argue, you know they could go on for years if they got the chance.
“Fuck you, Eren.”
“Eat shit, Lana.”
She flips him off as the door clicks shut behind her, the lack of her presence making you suddenly aware of your breaths. And of Eren, warm Eren rubbing into your shoulders and concerned green eyes staring into yours.
“I like her.” you whisper.
“Me too. Don’t tell her that though, she’s got an ego problem.” he responds.
You laugh, which has him smiling at you, and suddenly you’re sobbing. And on cue, Eren has his arms around you, his touch warm and his voice oh so soft that it kills you. That you haven’t seen him in two months. And haven’t talked to him for longer.
“Eren.”
“Hey, hey. Don’t cry, it-it’ll be okay. I- we’ll fix this, okay? I’ll call Levi and Hange, whoever you want, they’ll all come and-”
You reach up, tangling your arms around his neck as he keeps nervously talking, trying to hold you closer even though it’s not physically possible. And he’s just so-
So familiar that he feels like home.
“You’re breaking my heart here, Y/N. Please stop crying, I-I’ve got you, okay?” he murmurs, straight into your skin as you nod, trying your best to even out the sobs still leaving you. And slowly but surely, the stream slows and your breath evens out enough to get at least a few words out.
“Okay. Okay, okay. I’m okay.”
“Y/N?”
“Hm?”
“As much as I like holding you, you’re freezing. Take a shower first and we can do this all you want, okay?”
You pull back, wiping the tears off your cheeks and giving him a nod. He gives you a small smile, before placing his hands on your shoulders and leading you down towards the bathroom. And you don’t miss all the posters and pictures he has on his walls - one from each season of Attack of Titan, a few of him and Armin, and even one of him and Lana flipping off the camera together.
He pushes you into the bathroom and immediately turns on the shower all the way to the hottest setting, before turning around and putting his hands on his hips.
“Towels, clothes, shampoo. There’s soap in there already and take as long as you want. Sit in here for three days if you have to just- do-do whatever you have to do and-”
You pick up the bottle of shampoo, the lavender scented Pantene, the one that you’ve been using since you were fifteen. And you know, you know that Eren’s atrocious ass uses a three in one hair and conditioner so it’s not his.
“Eren.”
“Hm?”
“Did you just happen to have the brand of shampoo that I use?”
“N-no. Those are Lana’s.”
“Then why are they unopened?” you ask, giving him a smirk.
He glares at you, before rolling his eyes and holding your face. And now he’s leaning so close, so close that your lips are only a few feet away from yours, when he talks.
“You know why you can’t make fun of me for keeping a spare of your shampoos in my house?” he whispers, green eyes burning in yours.
“Why?” you whisper back, stomach lurching.
“Because you’re actually here. I knew you’d come back to me.” he responds, giving your cheek a pinch before walking out.
And when you watch him walk out, giving you one last smile before he shuts the door, you can’t help but roll your eyes. Typical Eren. Funny, irritating, and soft all in one.
He’s the same as you left him.
--
You pad out of the shower, Eren’s hoodie and sweatpants ridiculously huge on you, as you follow the sweet smell into the kitchen. Eren is leaned over the counter, sliding vegetables into two bowls of ramen as you walk in.
“Hey.”
“Hi. Took a while. Thought you died in there.” Eren responds, pressing his hands to your skin to test how warm they were.
“I almost wish I did.” you respond, laughing.
Except Eren doesn’t find it funny and instead he’s dropping the utensils and standing at your side.
“Y/N.”
“I was joking!”
“Nothing about that was funny. Don’t ever joke about that.” he responds, rummaging through the drawers at your side before pulling out a little tube of gel.
Eren taps the top of the counter, which you jump onto, before he takes his place in between your legs. His hands are focused on reading the instructions, forehead all scrunched up in concentration.
“What’s that?”
“It’s like this…scar ointment or whatever. Helps things heal better, I want to use it on that cut on your pretty face.” he responds, twisting it open and squirting some on his finger.
He brings his hands to your face, eyes intently focused on your cheek. You hiss the second his finger makes contact with your skin, the tingling sensation catching you off guard.
“I’m sorry sweetheart, I know it hurts.” he whispers, smothering the cold gel down the side of your eye.
“I-I fell on the pavement. My knees are pretty bad too, Eren.” you whisper, which he nods at.
After he finishes, he’s carefully sliding the ends of your pants off and carefully placing the ointment on each of the jagged marks on your legs. And you eye the bowls of ramen at your side - knowing instantly that the one without mushrooms is yours - and reach for the food. The broth is so warm it soothes the aching feeling in your throat, still seasoned to perfection the way Eren always makes it.
“Eren.”
“Hm?”
“Can I ask you a weird question?”
“Sure.”
“Are you and Lana dating?”
He looks up from your leg and gives you a devilish smirk. And then starts laughing. Like full on, crouched over, tears from his eyes laughing.
“Okay. It wasn’t that funny.” you murmur, rubbing your hands against the warm bowl and frowning.
“Oh god, Y/N. Jesus-”
“It’s a normal question! She lives with you, you trusted her to come get me, and you guys have a picture together in the hallway.”
“Are you jealous?” he asks, standing up and leaning straight into your space.
“Absolutely not.”
“Are too.”
“Am not.”
“You don’t need to get all embarrassed. Watching you kiss Ricky James made me want to break something, preferably his neck.”
You swallow hard at the mention of Ricky again, the thought of him and what happened was so far away because you were with Eren. In his space, in your shared bubble, after so long. And he catches on too fast because he’s already profusely apologizing.
“Hey. I didn’t mean to bring him up, I-I’m not trying to push you into telling me what happened it’s just-”
“No. No, Eren. It’s okay. I know. I-”
You breathe in hard and put the bowl of ramen down and reach for his hands instead. You keep your eyes focused on them - on the little mole on his left hand, the feeling of his knuckles underneath your fingers, and on him squeezing your hands three times before you start talking.
“Ricky and I were faking the relationship for PR. Since London Boy and all that, it was Danny and Sareen’s idea. That-that’s why I stopped talking to you, I-I felt bad. And I was ashamed that I was even doing it, I-I don’t know. The Little Women press and all that, it would just get people to stream and talk. Make me a triple threat. And then today, I- He told me he liked me. And I said I couldn’t do that right now. That I don’t like him back. I went to take out the trash because it was so awkward and then I was going to go home but he- he locked me out. And when I asked to come back in, he repeated the same words to me. That he couldn’t do that right now.”
Eren lifts your hands, still locked with his, and presses a kiss to the top of your knuckles, as you continue. His lips burn your skin, still.
“I was out there and it-it was cold. And then I heard the cars and I saw seven paparazzi trucks, right on the porch. Ricky, his address isn’t leaked. No-no one knew I was there or that he was but they all showed up, right when I was out there and-”
“He called them, didn’t he?” Eren asks, his tone so harsh, so unyielding that it almost doesn’t sound like him.
“Yeah. And I ran, for so long. I- they got a picture. A few, I know they did and I was just so, so scared that I was going to be out there forever, that I was all alone and they were just going to-”
Eren reaches forward, wrapping you in his arms for what feels like the fiftieth time tonight, but you welcome it. Focus on his heart beating under your ear, running your fingers over his fish tattoo on his bicep, and on his soft, steady breaths.
“Eren.”
“Hm.”
“You didn’t say anything. What are you thinking about?”
“What I’m thinking isn’t productive for you to know right now.”
You look up at him, giving him a questioning look.
“Drop it, Y/N.”
“No. Tell me. I’m sure you’re mad and all but-”
“Mad? I’m fucking furious, I’m livid. That he fucking locked you out and left you in the cold. You-you could have been seriously hurt. You are hurt. And not only that, the fucking paparazzi. You-you ran in the cold, you fell, you can’t stop crying and-and- I’m going to kill this asshole when I see him next because it’s his fault you’re feeling like this.”
“Eren.”
“No. Shut up, Y/N. I’m being serious. I-I don’t like seeing you like this and don’t tell me not to. He hurt you. It’s that simple.”
You deflate, knowing Eren too well to know that he won’t drop this. Especially when he’s overly passionate, deep in the feeling right now.
“Okay. But can you just be here for me right now? I need you here and not all….tense and mad. B-Be soft. And warm.”
He stops, the frustration in his forehead dissolving as he takes a breath and smiles at you. Not fully, but it does the job.
“Okay. I can do that. Let’s watch Fruits Basket. And then go to bed.”
“You hate Fruits Basket.”
“But I love you. Enough to watch your weird bestiality adjacent show and pretend to like it.”
You smile and he reaches forward to pinch your cheeks.
“Look at that smile. There she is. There’s my sweet girl.” he whispers, voice all tangled in his throat.
--
You wake up to an empty bed, Eren’s side cold. And you pull his hoodie on before padding downstairs to find Eren’s phone pressed to his ear. He gives you a wave and points to the plate - a mix of eggs, french toast, and fruits - perfectly placed to perfection.
You give him a smile and he walks off, taking the phone with him. You frown as you watch him disappear, jabbing your fork through the cantaloupe.
What is he talking about that’s so important he doesn’t want you to hear?
You jump off of the stool and quietly pad towards the direction he walked, hiding in the hallway. He’s leaning against the wall, staring at the picture right across - one of Levi and Hange kissing your cheeks at the vow renewal - and angle yourself to hear his words.
“Is he okay?”
“I’m glad. You tell me if you need anything else, okay?”
“Okay, Coco. I missed you too, yeah?”
Who the fuck is Coco?
He hangs up and you immediately scramble back to the kitchen, trying your best to stay inconspicuous as he comes back and gives you a smile. It doesn’t reach his eyes, the expression on his face almost tired.
“Hey sleepyhead. You okay?”
“Mhm. Food is really good, Eren.”
He gives you a smile as he sits at your side, eyes focused on you as you eat your food. He places both of your phones in front of you, and you spot yours with nearly a hundred notifications. But when you reach for it, Eren grabs your hand in the air and locks it on his own instead.
“Just-wait. Eat first.” he says, his tone hollow.
You turn your head to the side and take in Eren’s expression, downtrodden and uncharacteristically unexpressive. The complete opposite of Eren yesterday - moony eyes and soft smiles.
“Eren.”
“Y/N. If I ask you to do this for me, can you trust me and listen?”
“No. You-what’s wrong? You’re being weird.” you ask, reaching for his hand.
He looks over, the look indiscernible, as he leans forward and presses a kiss to your cheek.
“You-I took care of most of it, okay? Levi and Hange are coming. Just, don’t panic. You-it’s okay.”
“Eren. You’re scaring me. Just tell me.”
He takes a deep breath, cracking the knuckles in your hand as he nervously talks.
“You-your pictures leaked. The ones of you running last night. And-and people started speculating really fast - wondering why you were running and crying on the night your album released instead of celebrating it. And-and then Ricky, he tweeted a bunch of things.”
You pale. And reach for your phone, which Eren stops again.
“They’re lies. Obviously. You don’t need to read them, not yet. And Lana told me she’s ready to back you up, whatever you want, when you need it. But, that’s not-”
“What, Eren? Just spit it out.” you respond, frantically.
“They- Ricky’s fans are mad at you. They’re sending you death threats.”
“Oh.”
You deflate, staring at the cold mess of breakfast on your plate. Death threats. Hate, you’re no stranger too. Of people commenting on your looks, how bad your singing is, how lame you are. But wishing you were dead? Full on, unbothered and cursing your existence?
“And not just you, but your family too.” he whispers, watching your face fall.
Your family. Your parents, Colt, Falco-
“Excuse me. What did you just say?
Eren doesn’t respond and the tears fall immediately from your eyes, hot and angry as he reaches forward, immediately swiping them away. His expression's pained, he knows this all too well.
“I sent your family a security detail. Don’t worry. Colt was only minorly injured and-”
You stand up and grab Eren’s shirt, bundling the fabric into a fist in your hands, as you glare at him.
“Injured? What the fuck do you mean injured, Eren?”
He sighs, lifting his hands to move yours, and hold them. You’re still clenching hard, so hard you’re sure you’re drawing blood, but he’s doing his best to uncurl your hands as he talks.
“They threw a brick through the window. And the glass, Colt was sitting right there. I was just on the phone with Falco, he said he’s doing better. The security detailing has medical so you don’t have to worry about that again and they’re both okay and-”
“No part of this is okay, Eren! Quit saying it’s okay when it’s not! They almost killed my brothers.”
“Y/N.”
“No. No, this is horrible, Eren. They-they don’t do any of this stuff. Falco’s barely thirteen. And Colt - he’s going to college. He’s not a celebrity, he’s not a singer, he’s just a student. How is he supposed to go out after this? Why- how is it supposed to be normal? And now, they’re going to be like us. They’re going to feel like they’re trapped in this fucking suffocating ass fish bowl and everyone’s watching and laughing at them and they just-”
“Y/N. Stop. It’s not going to-”
“Falco’s too soft for this. He’s just a kid, Eren. I can’t- no. This isn’t fair. Eren, they didn’t even do anything. They’re literally just related to me, they just love me and they’re getting hurt because of it. You- you’re probably getting dragged in the mud too. Everyone who helps me gets subjected to this, loving me comes with this big thing behind me and I can’t even keep people who get it with me. I let you go when you were the only person who understood and I messed it all up and got myself involved with Ricky James of all people and-”
“Y/N. Stop. Please."
You sit flat on Eren’s floor, head in your hands, and cry, teardrops falling straight onto the floor. And Eren’s sitting there with you, with your big mess of jumbled feelings and mistakes, and trying his best to help you with it.
That’s how Levi and Hange find you two, after pocketing the spare key Eren told them about. After he insistently called them and payed for a private jet, going on and on about how Y/N needed them. And here you two are, despite their original conceived notions that you two were fighting, on the floor, in each other’s arms.
“Some things never change, huh?” Hange whispers.
“Yeah. They keep fucking crying every time we see them.” he whispers back.
--
Between Levi and Hange - Jean, Mikasa, and Connie who make it out that night - and Eren and Lana, they fix things. Most things.
Ricky’s narrative about you is clear cut - half-true and half-fake. Your team forced him to date you and defend you for PR purposes, after the Girlfriend incident. There was an agreement that you two would write certain songs, make certain appearances, and support each other.
But then Ricky turns the gate. Says that you’ve deeply, severely hurt him. That you led him on, that you used him to boost your own ego, and that you were dangerously obsessed with fame and not him. That you were all things - heartless, fake, that he doubted if you were even a real person. A glorious pop-star, empty and hollow on the inside.
And people jump on it fast. Citing the fact that you would throw away your friendship with Historia to be famous, that you stopped dating Eren when he stopped being successful, that you can go to tours but not to Mikasa or Jean’s birthday parties.
The worst part? Ricky lied, but the things they pointed out were true. Every mistake you make is on display and that people make it a point to draw attention o it. That you really were in too deep, too deep into pleasing Sareen and Danny, and being a triple threat that you forgot that they were all there too.
Eren, especially. Sweet, sweet Eren who saved you, who held you when you needed him.
You look over at him and Lana, the two of them very aggressively debating how to use their last turn of their daily Wordle, and feel your heart deflate.
You dropped the ball. You’ll never make it up to him.
Lana, in her infinite kindness, has chosen to share her own story, as a corroboration for yours. That Ricky taunted, mocked, and harassed her the entire time they were dating. That you're anything but the things he says. Because she’s had enough and she’ll do it to help out her Tinky-Winky. (Much to Eren’s dismay, he hates that you’re both becoming closer as time goes on.)
And to complement the announcement, Lana asked for one thing. To go out in style. You wrote a song with her and promised her that she was going to be the lead actress in the music video. A girl rage moment, like The Man. Danny and Sareen approve the move, making no comments or concerns about anything else that happened, and ask to be involved when the time comes.
You sit on it for a few days. Till you’re ready. But where you are now - with these people - needs to stay for a little longer. Before you brace everything again.
“Yo.”
You smile, opening up space for Connie on the couch for you.
“Hi Con.”
“Deep in your thoughts there, princess. Thinking about how your album is about to go Multi-Platinum?”
“No. Just the entire thing.” you respond, frowning.
Connie rolls his eyes, reaching forward to squish your cheeks way too hard.
“Ricky, when I catch you, Ricky-” Connie says under his breath,
You snort, reaching forward to push Connie off. You focus back on Eren and Lana, who are now pulling each other's hair and a nice string of insults, as Mikasa and Levi brew their tea, entirely unbothered in the back.
And when the screen in front of you flashes, when your third album goes Multi-Platinum after a week of being released, they’re all climbing on you. Jean and Mikasa are hollering in the back, Connie and Lana are jostling you in the air and pressing kisses to your cheek, and Eren, Levi, and Hange smile at you, the three of them enveloped in their own hug, across the way.
You split your separate ways at the end of the week, when you’re ready. Connie, Jean, and Mikasa return to set, Lana and Eren are gone with the wind, and Levi and Hange disappear again.
When you sit on your plane back home, it sits in. How lonely this entire thing is. How a week full of your friends who love you only happened because of this sickening thing. That it's not a given, that they're presence is only in the bad times and almost never the good.
Your phone buzzes in your lap and you pick up your phone to read the notification.
eren: don’t be a stranger. fish like to swim in schools, not alone.
It’s something that rings in your mind, time and time again. When everyone else wins the war, when you keep performing and letting them take and take, for the sake of the work. For the art, for your dream.
And when you give up acting, singing, and dancing at the end of it all and make zero intentions to ever do any of this again, the question still bothers you.
If fish like to swim in schools, why did Eren push you so far away? Why was he so intent on swimming alone? Where you couldn't follow?
eren: I'm not saying that for you. and I know that this is selfish but...
eren: I need you just as much as you need me.
.
.
.
Fucking liar.
--
next part linked here
taglist:
@k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @squirrelspoetry @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasber @bbybeeb @timetobegone @tee4str @ttokki2 @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimpp @gojojang @yookayyo @lordbugs @multiplefandomthings @iobeyfandoms
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The one thing i hate about the Stardew valley fandom is how a lot of people demonize mental health issues. Like, Being somebody with clinical depression, PTSD and autism it really upsets me when people are mean about Shane and Kent.
They treat Hailey like she's the perfect woman because she's mean then Treat Shane like the scum of the earth for being mean as well.
I have a caffine addiction, and while it's not as horrible as having an alcohol addiction it's still an addiction that im trying to overcome and i have depression as well. So seeing people treat Shane like that, plus calling him a liar when he's not 100% happy and sober all the time it really upsets me to see how he's treated, and i don't like him because I want to fix him, its just nice to see depression portrayed so realistically and to feel represented in media and i just want to be there for him. I can relate to him, and when people insult him and treat him like the bad guy for being mean and depressed and not 100% sober i feel like im doing something wrong and I'm a bad person for having depression and anxiety
And i have PTSD over very different things then kent, but I understand things that trigger memories to events, if I see the person who mistreated me in life or if somebody mentions middle school I get really upset and will go on a rant about it, when I get so upset I get angry im brought back to those horrible memories, and I understand why hes stressed over something that seems minimal to others And people are mean about him too, hes not a bad person he's just got PTSD and he doesn't know how to handle it. I feel bad for him when the community is mean to him over that cutscene.
and these are fictional characters it makes me scared how they would treat a real human being with similar issues, like me. I joke about if you hate these characters you should hate me too but like, it really pisses me off how this community treats mental illnesses And being somebody with these issues i really just want to spread awareness on how i personally feel when people say horrible things about these clearly mentally ill characters that have issues that real people have
Mental illness isn't black and white y'know, and if you think it is i think you might wanna get your eyes checked because you might just be completely colorblind, or blind in general. the actual mental toll it puts on real people to be represented by characters who's mental illnesses are portrayed very realistically only to be treated poorly by uneducated fans of the series/game/movie/ etc. It's very heartbreaking to me personally..
I just want fans of Stardew to be more mindful of characters like shane and Kent because there are real people like them that have the same issues as them. You don't have to like them just understand that real people have been through the same things they have and be respectful of that. i mean I don't like Harvey but I am respectful of people with anxiety, I have anxiety too. I think everyone does at this point.. but i would never undermine his anxiety or say he's a horrible person Because he's anxious that's a disgusting thing to imply and it should be the same way with characters like shane and Kent but it's not that way
The double standard with shane and hailey is an argument that may just involve sexism but that's an entirely different argument that i don't wanna get into rn, but just know, you don't necessarily have to be a nice person to be a good person, and vise versa.
Tldr: you guys need to stop saying Shane and kent are bad people for having mental illnesses, it's really gross and insulting to those with mental illnesses
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HQ CAPTAINS : when someone tries to flirt with them ♡
(pre-timeskip , aged up characters)
quick disclaimer: these scenarios don't affect the original plot of the series. any information or events that contradict the original plot are purely fictional. (i do not own any of the characters)
warning: could be suggestive (Terushima's) and some inappropriate/cuss words
ꜰᴇᴀᴛᴜʀɪɴɢ: ʙᴏᴋᴜᴛᴏ, ᴜꜱʜɪᴊɪᴍᴀ, ᴋᴜʀᴏᴏ, ᴏɪᴋᴀᴡᴀ, ᴋɪᴛᴀ, ᴅᴀɪᴄʜɪ, & ᴛᴇʀᴜꜱʜɪᴍᴀ
(ɪɴ ᴏʀᴅᴇʀ)
ꜱɪᴛᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴ: ʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴀᴄᴛ ᴡʜᴇɴ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴛʀɪᴇꜱ ᴛᴏ ꜰʟɪʀᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇᴍ
Doesn't really notice that someone is trying to flirt with him, or to be blunt he doesn't care.
But he will unknowingly embarrass the girl
"Eh? Why are you clinging your hands– Oh! Y/n is always like that to me omfg she's so cute."
Your name can be heard all the time, so the bitches won't stand a chance. Every person he sees and interacts with fails to grab his entire attention since all he can think about is his woman.
If a girl comes up to him he'll think of: "Woah that hairstyle doesn't look good on this girl, OMG DID I JUST IMAGINED MY BABY WITH THAT HAIR?! SHE'S SO DAMN FINE IM GOING NUTS" he'll be smiling and the girl might think that it was because of her :/
NO. JUST NO.
But okay, if someone will approach him he will walk out. But of course, if it's an important matter he will respond. And his response will be very dry
"I do not give my number so easily for Y/n's peace of mind, I shall take my leave."
Then he'll march his way to you, giving you a little smile acting like he didn't broke someone's heart just a minute ago.
He's a cute flirt only to you though
So girls be throwing themselves at him, but he doesn't give a fuck.
If someone will talk to him especially when it's a girl, openly showing their attraction towards him, he will converse with them and if they'd confess or ask him if he's available he will politely reject them.
"You always look hot Kuroo-san..."
"Thanks"
"How about we meet–"
"I am already deeply in love with someone. please excuse me."
He then turns around smirking, he's thinking of bragging it to you. He just wanna see your annoyed jealous face, he assures you that you're the only one for him.
Oh please the guy literally have fans
His supporters actually knows about his relationships, like every girl's name that he dated has their name and 'stats' on his fans' memos. The fans also concluded that his typical dating period with someone is 2-3 months.
He's very alluring, and he's also welcoming and so people think it's okay for them to flirt with him.
You had a couple of arguments with him about this matter. And because he doesn't want that, he will try his best to avoid them.
"Oikawa-san! My birthday is coming could you go out with me?"
"Ohoho, Happy birthday! But I don't want to sleep outside so.......I won't. You can have Iwa-chan right here-"
*/got punched by hajime
Despite of being straightforward, blunt, and gives off idgaf-with-your-feelings vibes he's still popular with girls
Even if the girl isn't done talking he'll leave immediately
He will simply tell them that he's in a relationship already, but that doesn't solve the situation. It ignites the girlies' desire to have him even more. He then eventually thought of a way on how he'll get rid of those kind of situations by involving one of the twins.
"You can ask me to be your date when Atsumu finally decided to leave volleyball alone."
"B-but Kita-san isn't that i-impossible?"
"That's the point."
The man is fine as fuck so the girlies love him
He will politely turn down them, you know. Your man is good 😌✨✨
"You are the karasuno's Captain, right? Oh my! The whole team's hot but of course the captain is way more-"
"Ah, no... Please spare me."
Some even visit his afternoon club practices just to interact with him, taking advantage of the fact that you are not in the same school as him.
This mf is a chick magnet
He has a habit of sticking out his tongue, and that's where his piercing prevails and with that girls flock around him.
He kinda likes the attention but of course, he's only yours. you two had arguments about this too but with terushima's personality you just gave up and told him that as long as the girls respect his boundaries as someone's man it is fine for you.
"OhmYgOsh tOnGuE pIerCiNg!?!? I bEt tHaT pIerCinG cOulD dO sO mUcH~ iT's sO cOoL!"
"I know right!?! I can make Y/n scream with just this!"
"Lucky Y/n!"
"No no no no! I'm the lucky one, heck I love her so much!!"
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AM ERA! (smau)
— ALEX TURNER
arabella series
pairing: alex turner x fem! actress! reader
summary: some iconic and memorable moments on social media during the am era.
timeline: 2014
note: to clear up any confusion, the song arabella in this universe/series is based on a movie y/n did. + and also this format / layout is heavily inspired by my love @ithinkimokeei 🩶
masterlist!
Liked by yourbestfriend, katiee_cook_ and others
yourinstagram she’s got a barbarella silver swimsuit … 🪽
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username THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING ‼️
username doing cartwheels across the highway- 🤸♀️ why are they so attractive
username mom and dad looks so hot
breanahelders looking beautiful wifey 😙
yourinstagram got it from you <3
elizabetholsenofficial because i love waking up in the morning getting hit by visuals 😩
username lizzie is so real for that
username mother
username alex looks so fucking good i wanna jump off a cliff
username the fact that y/n didn’t know arabella was about her until a fan told her during a comic con panel will forever not be iconic
username lmao even the mcu cast was shocked that she didn’t know 😭
username had to replay that funny moment between y/n and scarlett where scar almost had a whiplash bc y/n had no idea
username our baby is so clueless it’s so cute
mileskane who’s that sexy cinnamon bun on the left? 😏
yourinstagram definitely not your man
username IM CACKLING SO LOUD
username pls y/n is so savage i love her
mileskane and you’re claiming him as your man?
username ohh dramaaaaa
yourinstagram and what if i did? 👀
username GASP- does this mean that alex and y/n are dating?!!!
mileskane it’s okay luv it’s just a phase it will go away ❤️
username hahaahahahahah miles
username i’m crying this is too funny
katiee_cook_ this comment section is so funny me and jamie are dying from laughter
yourinstagram mileskane unfortunately it is not just a phase 🥲
username wait y/n does this mean you and al are together?!! hello??
username girl you can’t just leave us hanging like that 😭😭 we NEED TO KNOW
username wait so arabella is actually about her?
yourbestfriend those of you who haven’t watched arabella clearly shows
username fr the song doesn’t even make sense if you haven’t watched the movie
username CAN SOMEONE PLS CONFIRM IF THEY’RE DATING??
Liked by username, marvel and others
enews to answer the question on y/n’s famous instagram post… the answer is YES! (📷: unknown)
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username I KNEW IT
username IM CRYING HAPPY TEARS FINALLY
username idk if i wanna be him or be with her
yourbestfriend same
username y/bsf/n is so real for this
username they look so happy
username mileskane has been real quiet ever since enews posted
username i’m fine (i’m not)
username now who leaked these pictures of me and my man? 🤫
yourinstagram first miles and now i have to fight my way through fans 😭 this is a battle
mileskane yeah username get in line 🙄
username speaking of the devil… hi miles!!
username and he has arrived!!
username good luck dealing with seventeen year old girlies who want you dead 🥲
username bro what is marvel doing here liking this post i’m cackling
marvel don’t blame us we were just as curious as you folks 🙈
username alex could do better than this pretentious hollywood whore
username who are you calling a whore???!
yourbestfriend say that again i dare you bitch
breanahelders if you don’t have anything nice to say then keep it to yourself.
officialelizabetholsen jealousy doesn’t suit you honey. keep that energy elsewhere and let us celebrate this beautiful couple ✨
mileskane yourinstagram do i need to kill someone? just say the word love
username username the gang coming at your bitch
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yourinstagram okay… this is the last one i promise 🤭
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username queen we don’t mind post all you want
username THE HAND REPLACEMENT ALEX
username bi panic
katiee_cook_ obsessed 😍
yourinstagram with you 😙
username the way this music video has a chokehold on me-
youtube the visuals, artistry, lyrics, aesthetics, cinematography is just *chef kiss* ✨✨✨
username even youtube is speaking facts
officialelizabetholsen gorgeous gorgeous 💗 we miss you on set, babe!
yourinstagram miss you more, bug!! 🎀
username a match made in heaven
mileskane we get it you guys are couple goals 🙄
matthelders here we go again 🤦🏻
yourinstagram do i complain when you get to have him all by yourself on stage?
mileskane that doesn’t count!
yourinstagram you’re such a drama queen
username their dynamic i love them sm
username miles and y/n fighting over alex is so real bc same
username yourinstagram how does it feel to be a rockstar’s gf 😩 how does it feel to live our dream
yourinstagram it feels amazing 🙈💗
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More parts of An unexpected role! Lily meeting the grid and all drivers are wrapped around her finger, spoiling her and everything, plus lewis Hamilton being protective about y/ n and lily treating them as his honorary daughter and granddaughter, and lily having a little baby crush/ being fond of Oscar Piastri or Ollie bearman and not wanting to leave his side.Then the other leclerc brothers (Arthur and Lorenzo) and drivers are jealous because lily doesn't give them attention.
Thank you very much for this request!! It seemed very adorable and cute to me since I had imagined what Lily would be like attending to her first race... so here you go!!
An unexpected role (pt.5) | cl16
Summary: you revealed your little secret to your date, you didn't expect he would take it so well.
Warning: none, just fluff + the drivers falling for Lily and spoiling her A LOT.
a/n: part five of “an unexpected role” I hope you like it!
follow the series!! Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
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ynusername
liked by joris_trouche, itslolasss, pierregasly and others.
tagged charles_leclerc
ynusername guess where we are going this weekend 🫣🎀
see 1.738.653 comments
itslolasss nO EAY
ynusername hehe yup bestie 😋
itslolasss pls keep me updated this weekend babe, I need all the details
ynusername yup yup captain 🫡
user7 IT'S HAPPENING EVERYONE, THE LEC FAM ON THE PADDOCK THIS WEEKEND 😭😭😭😭
user4 OMG OMG OMG OMG EVERYBODY CALM DOWN, THIS IS HAPPENING
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logansargeant finally we will meet the popular Lilyyy
arthur_leclerc finallyyy
georgerussell63 the official mascot <3
lilymhe I'm happy to meet you both 💗💗💗
ynusername omg omg im waiting 🩷🩷
carlossainz55 lord perceval biggest fans
ynusername that's for sure
charles_leclerc I'm excited to have you both this weekend, my loves 🤍🤍🤍
ynusername and we are happy to accompany you my love 🤍🤍🤍
Charles iMessage
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You never thought you were going to end up in an F1 paddock with your boyfriend and your little Lily... But there you were both, accompanying Charles at the Belgian Grand Prix, -the last stop before the much anticipated summer break, It was the first time that you and Lily were going to witness the F1 action live, of course, you watch it on television in the comfort of your bed and support Charles at all times, but there is nothing compared to seeing it up close.
You and Lily walk through the paddock while Charles has his hand on your lower back, the three of you have a very noticeable smile on their faces and no wonder, he is over the moon that you and Lily are accompanying him this weekend, it's like having extra motivation to do well in front of the two of you.
“Are you excited Lilytunes?” Charles softly asks Lily, who is wearing a Ferrari shirt that says on the back: "Daddy's #1 fan", she nods at his words. She smiles with her eyes wide open, observing everything around her and he gives her a kiss on the cheek, you also do the same, it is much more impressive to see it in person than on television, the amount of people working to keep this show going is incredible. “And what about you love? Are you excited too?” He turns his head towards you to give you a small peck on the lips, you nod smiling.
“Pretty excited honey... I still can't believe that Lily and I are here!” You say with a dreamy face and he smiles showing his dimples. You don't care that there are 20 cameras around you trying to get a good angle of the wholesome family moment, you only care about him and Lily. “This is so amazing here!” You say excitedly as he lets out a small giggle.
The three of you walk towards the general hospitality, basically the joint place where the drivers and their families can relax and have a good time, to keep the harmonious atmosphere outside the track. You and Charles sit next to Lily on one of the comfortable sofas of the lounge area, just at that moment, most of the drivers get into a hurry... Maybe they are excited to meet the ferrari's golden boy little daughter.
You grab Lily in your arms and you bounce her softly. “Look Lily! I think you have a fan club now, isn't that cool?” You say as you stroke her hair and she smiles. “And of course, we're going to see dada race here!” You say, nuzzling your nose against hers.
Lily claps her hands excitedly. “Dada fast win! Vroom!” she giggled.
Many of the drivers come to see this weekend's star, and it is no wonder since Lily radiates charisma and tenderness in her wake. One of the first to speak was Hamilton.
“Hey there Charles, how's everything going?” He says greeting Charles with a pat on the back and then turns his attention to the two of you, giving you a kind smile. “And who's this little cutie? Is it perhaps the popular Lily and y/n?”
You blink for a moment. “Popular? How is that possibl...” You were going to continue talking but Lewis subtly interrupted you.
He nodded. “That's right! Charles won't stop talking about you two, he gets very excited when he talks about you, I swear his eyes had a special shine.” He finishes and you turn your gaze to see Charles, who is scratching the back of his neck embarrassingly and has red cheeks that match his Ferrari shirt.
Lily watches Lewis curiously. “Hi!” she says shyly as she hides in your chest.
Lewis smiles at Lily. “Hello Lily, it's so nice to meet you! Your daddy tells me you're his biggest fan!”
She smiles at the mention of Charles. “Dada fast!”
Lewis giggle and pulls out a little Mercedes cap for Lily. ”That's right! And you know what fast cars and daddy's need? Fast fans! Here you go.”
Lily's eyes light up, and she takes the cap with a giggle.
“Thank you Lewis, that's so sweet!” you smile shyly at the British.
“Don't worry y/n! I'll always look after my honorary daughter and granddaughter here.” he said with a smile.
Charles rolls his eyes playfully with a smile. “Thanks Lewis, you're spoiling Lily already.” he smiles softly.
The rest of the Thursday afternoon is a whirlwind of introductions, after the respective press duties, other drivers stop by, charmed by Lily's infectious smile, she gets a mini Red Bull helmet from Max Verstappen, a Ferrari cap signed by Carlos Sainz, a Williams blue hoodie from Logan Sargeant and a tiny McLaren t-shirt from Lando Norris. Lily becomes the star of the General Hospitality area, the drivers take turns stopping by to say hello, giving her gifts like miniature helmets and team t-shirts. Arthur and Lorenzo try to get in on the action, but Lily mostly ignores them, captivated by the older Ollie Bearman.
You giggle. “I think your plan to make it only have Ferrari merch is going very wrong amour.” You say while looking at Charles, who is watching Lily coexist with the other drivers.
He smiles. “Well, I can't blame them... Our little girl is a sweetheart, don't you think?”
You nod happily. “Of course she is, darling.”
***
Friday arrives and that's when the action really begins, all the drivers and teams prepare for the first practice sessions of the weekend, Lily is very happy and so are you, you two find yourself in the Ferrari garage using the headphones to listen to Charles's radio.
“My dear, look, it's dada! He's driving really fast, don't you think?” You whisper to Lily and she smiles and giggles as she sees Charles on the screens.
“Dada fast mama!” She says and you nod smiling. At one point she sees that on the other side of the garage is Ollie Bearman, Ferrari's reserve driver, she almost screams when she sees him and starts to smile a lot. “Ollie! Ollie!” She says between babbling, trying to get the attention of the young British man and he smiles when he hears her and approaches you both.
“But it's the little Leclerc! How are you cutie?” He says, greeting Lily sweetly, she gives him a thumbs up and he laughs. “Hi y/n, it's nice to finally meet you.” He said, extending his hand and you accepted it smiling.
You smile shyly. “The pleasure is mine” Lily starts to move in your arms and makes grabby hands towards Ollie, you let out a chuckle. “Looks like you have a little fan here, Mr. Bear.” You say and he smiles, Lily throws herself into his arms and starts pointing around.
“Are you sure it doesn't bother you?” He asks timidly and you deny.
“Slides! Slides!” Lily says pointing towards the exit. “Ollie, slides!” she says taking the collar of Ollie's shirt in her small hands.
“It's okay Lily, we'll go to the slide.” Ollie says with a shy smile as he takes off his and Lily's headphones. “I will bring her to you safe and sound.” He says and you smile and give Lily a kiss on the forehead.
You watch as Lily leaves in the British man's arms, what you didn't notice was the presence of Arthur and Lorenzo, probably looking at you in a state of shock.
“How does Lily prefer to be with bearman than with me?” he scoffs.
You smile innocently. “Let's say Lily has a little crush on Ollie.”
Lorenzo moves his head, denying several times. “Nah, nah, nah, she is too young to fall in love.”
You were so focused talking to the Leclerc brothers when you three didn't notice that practice had already ended and that now you had the presence of Charles, who made himself known by giving you a kiss on your cheek.
“What's happening gorgeous?” he asks you softly.
Arthur pulls his hair, frustrated. “Lily went with Ollie to the slides!” He says totally stressed while you and Charles just giggle. “She doesn't want to be with us anymore.”
“Oh god, Are you two seriously stressed about that?” He asked and Arthur and Lorenzo nodded, he laughs.
“I think Lily has a little crush on Ollie.” You whisper to Charles.
He grins. “I wouldn't be surprised, he's good with kids.”
After that meeting you accompany Charles to Ferrari's Hospitality, and after he changes his clothes, they go out in search of Lily. You manage to find her in a playground area for the little ones, she is smiling as she slides down the slide and Ollie watches her carefully.
Lily manages to spot you two and runs off the slide and then ends up in Charles's arms. “Dada!” she says happily.
Charles opens his arms to welcome Lily. “Hello there petit papillon! Did you see dada on the track?” He says while tickling her tummy. (little butterfly)
She nods and giggles. “Dada supa fast!” she says content.
“Oh but of course I was honey, pretty fast, don't you think?” he asks her and she nods.
“So fast!” she giggles again.
At this point almost everyone in the paddock adores and loves Lily, so much so that they spoil her with gifts and sweets, and she clearly loves that. You feel happy because you feel that it is where you two should always have been from the beginning, and the fact that Charles has talked non-stop about you two from the very beginning makes it so special, since you can see the love you radiate as a family.
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ynusername posted a story
itslolasss have fun today pretty girls, good luck to charlie from me 🩷🩷
ynusername Believe me, Lily has the most fun, everyone spoils her so much... I think I had to bring an extra suitcase for all the souvenirs.
itslolasss hahahah, she deserves it, you both deserve it actually!!
The weekend unfolds in a whirlwind of activity, Lily becomes a permanent fixture at Ollie Bearman's side, much to the amusement (and slight jealousy) of the other drivers. Arthur and Lorenzo try in vain to win her attention, showering her with toys and sweets. But Lily's heart belongs to Ollie and the shiny Ferrari little car he gave her.
Now it is Sunday, the most anticipated day, you and Lily meet again in the Ferrari garage, you both watch Charles prepare to leave for the starting grid, but not before approaching you.
You smile softly at him. “Hey bébé, are you okay?” you asked him softly. (baby)
He shrugs. “I think so... I want to do well for both of you.” He says and you give him a kiss on the tip of his nose. “To be honest with you, I'm a little bit nervous.” he whispers.
You just smile at him again, you more than anyone know how anxious he sometimes gets before the races. “You will do great my darling, but one thing is for sure... Lily and I will always be proud of you no matter what happens.” You whisper to him and give him a small but necessary hug. “Now go out there and attack them all, okay?”
Lily smiles at him and hug him too. “Papa win?” she asked him.
He smiles. “We will see it my love, we'll see.”
The atmosphere is electric as the grid forms up. Lily sits on your lap, bouncing with anticipation while you both look at the screens where they show the formation of the starting grid. You feel nervous inside, something that always happens to you when you watch the races at home with Lily, but this time it is much worse, you feel anxious and expectant of what could happen and what Charles can do on track.
The race starts, and Charles battles his way through the field, since he started from P5, Lily cheers him on with every overtake and you do the same, you two are probably the most enthusiastic fans in the Ferrari garage, Andrea, Charles's personal trainer, smiles when he sees you two so happy and bubbly with every action Charles does on the track, he knows how important it is to Charles that you two be there for him.
You smile at Lily as you watch Charles move into P2 mid-race. “Oh god, look at papa go lily, he's really going for that win.” you whisper at her.
Now it's the last lap and Charles is neck and neck with Max for the race win, Lily is on the edge of her seat.
“Come on, Charles... You can do this.” you say while holding your breath.
Charles makes a daring move and takes the lead. Lily erupts in cheers. “Dada win! Dada win!”
Charles crosses the finish line first and the crowd goes wild. Lily jumps up and down, clapping her hands. You have a smile from ear to ear and no wonder, the first race you attend as a family and he decides to win for you.
The mechanics congratulate you two and seeing that everyone is going to the podium, Lily also wants to go, you are a little hesitant to really go there until Andrea takes you and Lily to the podium.
When they arrive at the parc fermé area, they see everyone in a state of ecstasy and happiness. Charles gets out of the car raising his arms in celebration and goes out to hug his team. You smile when you see him so happy and proud of himself... When he takes off his helmet and balaclava, he looks at you two and smiles from ear to ear, he runs towards you to give you both a huge hug and he kiss you on the lips, not caring who is looking at that wholesome moment, you feel him smiling in the kiss and you smile too.
***
After the podium, you and Lily wait for the champion in his driver's room. Both of you can't stop feeling excited and happy about what you've just experienced. After a couple of minutes, Charles enters holding his winner trophy, you and Lily rush to congratulate him.
“Papa win!” she smiles as he hugs her back.
He hugs Lily tightly. “That's right, sweetheart! Papa won for his two biggest fans!” He winks at you.
You smile and kiss his cheek. “We're so proud of you baby! You did a great job out there!”
“A job that would be impossible without my greatest supporters.” He smiles again, like a little boy.
“I know sweetheart.” You say and notice how Lily starts to yawn against his shoulder. ”Looks like all the excitement is catching up with our little champion... Time to head back, I think.” You let out a giggle.
He giggles too. “Right, just let me take a shower, change and we'll go, it's that okay?” he asks and you smiled and nod.
“As you say captain Lec!” you say and he laughs, you take Lily back into your arms and she lays her head on your shoulder.
***
The door clicks shut behind you as you enter your hotel room. Charles carefully lays a sleeping Lily on the bed.
You carefully undress Lily to put her in a onesie pajama. “She must be exhausted. What a whirlwind of a weekend!”
“She's out like a light. All that cheering must have tired her out.” he giggles softly.
You finish putting her pajamas on and you pull the covers gently over her small frame. “But of course, she was very happy to see you in your element, love.” you smile again.
“The best kind of whirlwind, you know? Seeing her so happy... it makes everything worth it.” He walks over to you and wraps his arms around you.
You lean your head on his chest. “Seeing you win was so so special too. You were pretty amazing out there.”
He kisses your hair. “I couldn't do it without you two there.”
A comfortable silence settles between you for a moment. You listen to the soft sounds of Lily's breathing.
“I still can't believe how much attention she got from all the drivers. Lewis practically adopted us!” you say.
He chuckles. “He does have a soft spot for kids. And let's face it, Lily's pretty irresistible.” He says.
“Especially to Ollie. That boy is a natural with her.”
He raise an eyebrow playfully. “Don't worry, are you jealous love?”
You punch him lightly on the arm. “Maybe just a little... Don't you want her to be a daddy's girl?”
He nuzzles his nose against yours. “Of course I do babe. But seeing her happy makes me happy, no matter who she's playing with.”
You look out the window at the city lights twinkling below. A comfortable silence settles again.
“This has been the perfect weekend. Maybe we can bring her to another race, you know, after the summer break, what do you think?” you ask him softly.
He kisses your forehead. “I'd love that chérie. We can make it a family tradition.” he sighs contently and then he whispers. “Thank you for everything. This weekend wouldn't have been the same without you two.”
You place a kiss on his jaw. “It was nothing, thanks to you for letting us fully enter your world, love.” you whisper and he smiles.
He pulls you closer, and you lean into his embrace. The sound of Lily's gentle breaths fills the room, a peaceful melody after a whole weekend of a high-octane excitement... The hotel room, bathed in the warm glow of the bedside lamp, feels like a haven, a family haven. You close your eyes, picturing future races with you and Lily cheering her Papa on, a happy sigh escaping your lips.
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charles_leclerc
liked by antoinetruchet, oscarpiastri, susie_wolff and others.
tagged ynusername
charles_leclerc first P1 of the year!! 🏆 I can't stop thanking the team for the hard work that has been done in the last few months, it has been quite hard but it was all worth it 💪🏻 I also want to thank my biggest fans ynusername and little miss Lily, who accompanied me on their first gp weekend!! 💗💗 Thank you very much my loves, thank you for always supporting me and being there for me at all times 🤍 Thank you for making this weekend even more special for me, love you lots!! 💗💗 Now is the time to recharge and come back better than ever 💪🏻💪🏻 see you in zandvoort!! 🇳🇱
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user4 oh my, the kiss and hug on the podium was incredible to see, congratulations champ!!! 💪🏻🏆
georgerussell63 it was nice to finally meet Lily this weekend, the official f1 mascot 🫶🏻🫶🏻
landonorris she owned the paddock the weekend, she left me without candies :(
charles_leclerc stop‼️talking‼️about‼️my‼️ daughter‼️ please‼️
lorenzotl let's go little brooo!!
user1 the official f1 family 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
alex_albon little Lily was the star of this weekend <3
ynusername oh babeee 🥺🥺😭 don't thank us, we are more than happy to accompany you and support you every weekend if necessary! We love you so much champ!! 🤍🤍🤍🤍
charles_leclerc honey, I love you both so so much, thank you for coming with me, I really can't find how to thank you 🥹🥹💗
ynusername you don't have to do it, it's not necessary my love 💗💗 now let's focus on taking that well-deserved break, because I think we deserve it ☺️☺️
charles_leclerc I'm looking towards it amour 🥰🥰
user6 oh my heart... the last picture, Lily looks so adorable and cute with her Olaf backpack 🥺😭
logansargeant the most wholesome family on the grid 🤍 congrats dude!!
lewishamilton it was lovely to meet Lily and ynusername this weekend 🤍🤍 you have a beautiful family mate
charles_leclerc thank you lew 🤍
ynusername it was also lovely to meet you too Lewis <3 <3
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King of my heart | ms47 | part 02
Pairing: hamilton!reader (she/her) x mick schumacher
Warnings: curse words, twitter environment, mention of food, not proofread etc etc. Minors DNI!
summary: Y/n and Mick interactions are now being noticed by everyone and some people are ready to share all the details with the internet.
a/n: none of the pictures used are mine, they are all from Pinterest and other apps. everything else is made up by me and I do not give permission for it to be published on a different platform. I would appreciate it if those things could be taken into consideration 💛
part. 01 | series masterlist | part 03
theofficialyn
liked by mickschumacher, lewishamilton and others
theofficialyn We worked day and night to create the confiest and safest boots without losing its fashion sense. I am really proud to announce that we are launching one more colletion 🤎 I am still testing all the possibilities and designs to deliver only the best, but soon enought these babies and the rest of our collection will be at the stores ready to create good memories along with you guys 🤍 ynthebrand is really grateful for all the love! Check our website and account for more infos.
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sunshineyn OMG THESE ARE FANTASTIC, YN, YOU KEEP OUTDOING YOURSELF!!!!
lewishamilton I keep waiting for you to design man shoes, would most def wear them all the time
disneyf1mick I see a certain golden retriever pilot lurking around the likes 👄
user00 I just find really funny how she’s outed as Lewis sister and suddently theres a new collection being launched…
⤷ carloscars omg yall like to theorize everything, get a grip!
⤷ ynpoptart she’s been talking about this launch for months now, the date was already set, the Lewis incident have nothing to do with it. That’s why she did not want people to know he is her brother, because there are some shitty people like you that will try to dimish her hard work. Honestly, I feel sorry for your fan base, must be a toxic environment.
ynfantastic what about the heels she was wearing last pic? 😫
⤷ sunshine198 I think she’s launching it next, or maybe it was just a test?
⤷ theofficialyn they are on this collection, love! will launch it soon 🤍
⤷ ynfantastic OMG SHE ACTUALLY ANSWERED, HEY QUEEN ILYSM
user10 would never use them, they look kinda ugly and unsafe as well.
mickschumacher
liked by georgerussell63, mercedesamgf1 and others
mickschumacher Good that everyone got the “crossed arms” memo @mercedesamgf1
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schumachereign He looks waaaay too handsome ugh
⤷ f1racing2 toto, mick or the other guy?
⤷ schumachereign honestly, all of them lol
theofficialyn the energy is immaculate
⤷ ynnyc mother???? what are you doing here?
⤷ charlessainz2 god forbid but I already pictured her and mick dating, where are my fic writes at ✍🏾✍🏾✍🏾
georgerussell63 you guys rock! 🖤
theofficialyn stories
theofficialyn
liked by zendaya, mercedesamgf1 and others
theofficialyn Going through a list of vegan places 💚😋
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mickschumacher 🐟🐟🐟
⤷ theofficialyn HAHAHAHA I HATE YOU!
⤷ f1fantastic your honor, they're in love.
⤷ potteryn they have their inside jokes already. It's their world, we’re just living in it
fan2 You look stunning 😭😭😭
lewishamilton The only reason I forgive you for not going with me is because you’re bringing it home as well 🤨
⤷ theofficialyn You’re the one who told me you did not wanna come!!!
⤷ abcdyn I wonder who she could be going with 😗
charles_leclerc I am counting on a bag of vegan donuts at my desk again this weekend to give me luck…just saying 🚶🏻
⤷ pierregasly he’s actually begging, yn
ynautumn how does it feel to be this pretty?
estebanocon 😍😍
⤷ charleslechair OMG WHAT IS THAT?? *nicki minaj voices*
⤷ norrisfav I thought Pierre was into this steal-your-girl thing not you, Esteban
ynandf1 the whole grid loves her and it shows
swiftieyln Im so happy seeing yn after she was outed as lewis sister, she looks less afraid to be herself, and she’s been feeding us sm I can only say thank you to the holy trinity
sainzsaint charles, pierre and esteban are here too, now y'all gonna say they're dating her as well?
⤷ estiebestie98 yes.
********************
make sure you like and reblog <3 feel free to talk to me as well, my inbox is always open!
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Cruel Summer Chapter 1 (Chris Evans x Actress/Singer!Reader)
(Okay, So Ive been away for a hot minute. And I've been through quite a bit. But I got inspired to write this and I hope yall love it!! Couple of things. 1.) Taylor Swift doesnt exist in this series, the reader is like taylor swift! 2) dont come for me, I've been chewing on this idea for a few months now lol. 3.) Im almost done with chapter 1 of My Alpha, I know I've gotten some messages about that!! Also, half way through chapter 2 of Midnight rain ;) Enjoy! Let me know your thoughts on this!! love you guys!!!)
Thoughts? Suggestions? General opinion wanted here!!!!!
You’d be delusional to think that he wanted anything more than hookups with you. Being a movie star was hard enough to make a “normal” life ...falling in love with your co-star though...that made everything even worse. That’s what led you to becoming a world famous pop star, releasing smash hit after smash hit. Your smile; when up on that stage, tens of thousands of fans screaming your songs as you sang them, standing ovations, tears of happiness, excitement, thrill, it all made that heartache ease just a little bit. But not all the way.
“Tonight is a HUGE night, I can’t believe you’re going to announce another album. I’m in awe, really I am.” Your mom said, grabbing your shoulders and looking at you in the mirror of the room you were currently using backstage. “Mom, thanks so much for traveling with me during this tour. It means so much to me.” you smiled softly at her, “especially after everything I’ve been through recently. Wanna know the surprise songs tonight? Or just be surprised like everyone else?” you asked with a soft laugh.
Your mom and dad were your biggest and best fans you could have ever asked for. Even during the worst time of your life, you’d had your parents support when changing careers. “Awe, let me be surprised like everyone else dear. Your cue is up….come on,” she gave you a big hug and kissed your cheek. “You’re going to be amazing, just like every other night” she beamed before walking out of your dressing room.
You stared in the mirror, touching up your red lipstick before turning around and walking out. Your bejeweled bodysuit in the colors of your most favorite album you’d put out, pinks and blues. You smiled at the stage crew and everyone working behind the scenes as you walked with your assistant. “Another great sold out crowd out there, the VIP tent is dead center, lots of celebrities are here tonight too.” She smiled before you walked away standing on your mark.
Listening to the entrance music you’d had custom made, caused the memories to flood your mind.
You looked over at him grinning as you both reached for a piece of popcorn. “Soooo I thought you wanted to do something else when you asked me to come to your hotel room 10:30 at night.” you smirked as he laughed, throwing his head back. “While yes, I’d love to do that too….I figured it would be nice to watch a movie or two, enjoy a snack and relax together too. I ordered some wine and chocolate covered strawberries too.” he said leaning closer to you, as you bit your lip leaning into him, letting his lips brush yours. The next thing you knew, he had you pinned to the bed, popcorn littering the floor as he kissed down your neck, slowly pushing your shirt off and attacking your chest.
“Ready? Have fun!!” Your assistant shouted over the music and screaming fans as the platform started to bring you up from under the stage. You plastered a grin on your lips and got in your stance with your mic.
The moment your back up dancers pulled back the large fabric fans to reveal you, you began to sing one of your songs. The roar of screams, cheers and cries erupted throughout the entire stadium as you came into sight for everyone. The platform continued to rise as you sang, smiling at everyone.
“It's you and me, that's my whole world
They whisper in the hallway, "She's a bad, bad girl"
Oh, I just thought you should know (you should know)
It's you and me, there's nothing like this (like this)
Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince (okay)
We're so sad, we paint the town blue (paint it blue)
Voted most likely to run away with you.”
The music ended as everyone cheered even louder and you laughed softly, the platform lowering back to the mainstage level; you grinned as the next song began instantly. You loved performing for a crowd, they never made you feel like you weren’t worth the love and attention. You strut toward the front of the stage, beginning to sing the bridge, along with the crowd, when a sight almost threw you off your performance. He stood there in the VIP tent with a cold beer in one hand, his other arm around the shoulders of a petite brunette.
“I'm drunk in the back of the car
And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar (oh)
Said, "I'm fine, " but it wasn't true
I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you
And I snuck in through the garden gate
Every night that summer just to seal my fate (oh)
And I screamed for whatever it's worth
"I love you, " ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?
He looks up grinning like a devil”
You belt out the bridge, the crowd screaming louder toward the end. You tried to not to look at the VIP tent, the urge to see him again, standing there happy with some other girl, you danced around, happily grinning at the crowd, encouraging them to sing along. You finally took a break, smiling wide as everyone clapped and cheered. “Hi!” you said cheerfully. “My name is Y/N and welcome to The Eras Tour,” you grinned as the stadium erupted again.
“I just want to say thank you to everyone who is here tonight and I hope that I don’t disappoint. I usually perform only two surprise songs a night, however, I’m feeling…fun tonight, so I want to add another song to the list for you all. It’s one that I don't usually perform live. But, I hope you enjoy it.” you smiled as the platform rose and you looked around, the soft jazz music starting as loud cheers erupted. You couldn't stop the smile that landed on your face as you began to sing.
“We were crazy to think
Crazy to think that this could work
Remember how I said I'd die for you?
We were stupid to jump
In the ocean separating us
Remember how I'd fly to you?
And I can't talk to you when you're like this
Staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town
I'm New York City
I still do it for you, babe
They all warned us about times like this
They say the road gets hard and you get lost when you're led by blind faith
Blind faith”
You smiled looking around, your eyes landed on him again, he had a look in his eyes, just like how he used to look at you, hunger and desperation for your touch. You put your lips back up to the microphone and made eye contact with him again.
“But we might just get away with it
Religion's in your lips
Even if it's a false god
We'd still worship
We might just get away with it
The altar is my hips
Even if it's a false god
We'd still worship this love
We'd still worship this love
We'd still worship this love
I know heaven's a thing
I go there when you touch me
Honey hell is when I fight with you”
You didn’t mean to stare for so long, but the way he looked at you, watching your body move. You wanted to jump off stage and run into his arms again, kissing him, telling him how in love with him you still were, even after the three years that had passed. You felt a tightness in your chest when the girl turned and kissed his neck, and began to dance with him.
You finished the song not soon after and took a small bow as everyone screamed out. You stood still smiling as the platform began to lower, before diving off to get changed. “I need a minute,” you said as your assistant came up to you. She looked slightly confused as they began to help you into your next outfit. How were you going to continue this concert with him staring at you? You didn’t think you could do it honestly.
“I can’t believe you changed the set list, We’re going to have to cut one of the surprise songs.” You looked at her. “No we can’t but we are changing them tonight.” you said as they did up the back of your dress. “What?! Why!” she gasped. “Chris is here,” you said looking at her as her face fell. “With some girl.” she sighed putting a hand on her head “Jesus fucking Christ……okay. Tell me what you need.” you looked at her again as tears filled your eyes. “I need a fucking minute.” you grabbed the new mic rushing off.
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TOWL SPOILERS BELOW!!!!!!
enough time has passed and i’m impatient so here it is. episode two debriefing! ❤️🔥
danai and andy’s chemistry is unparalleled and has never been executed so well before by any other actors. their words, emotions, and energy into bringing these characters to life in such a tender way is something absolutely so enigmatic and goshshfgshdhsn i just love them. i love their dynamic and their power to create such an immaculate foundation that will always be such a memorable piece for all of us as fans of this franchise. 🫶🏼
michonne and nat deserved more time. point blank period. i sobbed violently and had to pause the episode for ten minutes. i loved his dynamic with michonne and how much impact his character had in under 40 minutes of screen time. missing him forever and ever. and not to be an asshole but their relationship is what the dude-bros wanted rick and okafor’s association to be ! tell me i’m wrong.
dana from a group of 40 people with her sister el. yaaaas go girl! she’s a b your honor please believe her!!! she’s totally not a badass powerhouse wife and mother of two who’s experienced more in her life than the crm ever have!!!
it’s FUCK the crm forever actually. CHLORINE GAS? killing the pregnant lady and her boyfriend???? im distraught. the most disgusting group of people to ever exist apart from the saviors. hoping to see their entire base burn to the ground by the end of this series !!!! <3
RICHONNE REUNITING AFTER CHOOSING TO GIVE UP HOPE TO FIND EACH OTHER 😭😭😭 the universe loves them soooo much they’re like this 🤞 when it comes to fate. i am still actively emotional over all of their scenes. they’re sooo in love with each other it hurts. i’m still on cloud nine just from seeing them kiss (and moan omg!) so excuse me. ❤️🩹
michonne cradling rick’s face and rick nuzzling into her hands? THAT IS HER BABY POOKIE SUGAR PLUM CRISP. keep them together! they cannot be separated!
jadis can die with all due disrespect. she ruined everything. it’s been her fault since the start. she separated them. she’s the reason that rj doesn’t know his father and only knows of his legendary stories. fuck her. d*e!
rick asking about jude multiple times :((( his baby. bring him home to his kids PLEASE. must’ve been such a shocker to hear him ask about his daughter and not daryl or negan oh no! abused, kidnapped father finds the love of his life and wants to make sure that their daughter is still okay after being away from her for a decade! SHOCKER! WOW. this is shocking news! 🙀
the scenes of michonne and nat having to rebuild their health after the chlorine gas bomb was so heartbreaking but powerful. michonne working out and continuing to push herself by being reminded of her strength, grief, and love. she is so strong and i’m so proud of her. i hate the crm.
“shoto? shoto?” PUNCHING ME IN THE GUT WOULD HURT LESS. meanwhile judith is also trying to reach out but their signal is too far gone for them to do so. 😭 pleaseeee i just need one future scene of them reuniting. michonne loves them so much she is the best mother ever. ❤️🩹
okay!!!!! that’s all that i have for now. still collecting my thoughts after this episode but i love my tv parents more than life. so happy to have them back and i can’t wait for the next four episodes!!!!!!!
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Beautiful Destruction- Part 2
This is the second part in my latest Evan Buckley series, I hope you will all like it. Feedback is always amazing, let me know what you think.
Taglist: @lunaticspoem@sj-thefanthefan@hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27@avyannadawn@sleepylunarwolf@coverupps@justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff
911 Masterlist
Part 1
Summary: Evan's self-destruct behaviour lands him in therapy, where he connects with (Y/n). Everything starts changing when she transfers to the 118 and their worlds collide.
Enjoy.
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"So, your dad tells me you've joined the one-eighteen."
(Y/n) smiled around the rim of her coffee cup and looked down at the swirling puffs of steam circling into the air. She tried to curb her smile down and tame her reaction, she didn't want to seem overly keen or suddenly worried. But one look at Athena had (Y/n)'s eyes creasing at the corners and she put down her cup so it stopped morphing her smile.
"Any specific reason why… is it to do with your dad?" Athena perched her elbows down on the table and placed her cup down in front of her. She had been a little more than surprised when Bobby came home three days ago and told her that (Y/n) was the official new member of the team. The reason (Y/n) didn't join the 118 when she first became a fire fighter was because they didn't want anyone to think Bobby would favour her or lose his judgement with his daughter on the team.
"Felt like I was missing out," (Y/n) shrugged her shoulders while she shuffled forward on her seat and leaned over the table.
"Hm. You sure? I'm glad you both seem happy with the switch, it's just a little sudden."
"I fancied a change, I'm always listening out for their team on the radio, checking in, you know? Thought working with them might be easier."
It was partially true. (Y/n) did cling to the radio when she heard her dad's team attending to a call out or a rapidly spreading fire. She always listened when one of them was being taken to hospital and when they had their mayday calls and it made her anxious. (Y/n) knew if one of her dad's team got injured, it set off his own panic and she always wanted to make sure if he got hurt, she could go straight to him.
Moving to their team would stop that panic and give (Y/n) the feeling of being understood and looked out for. At least if she couldn't count on the rest of the team like her old station, she knew she could always count on her dad to watch her back and make sure she was alright.
"Well you're certainly your father's daughter which will shake things up in that place."
"No kidding. Eddie isn't sure what to make of me and Chimney is kissing my behind to suck up to dad. It's gonna take a while to settle in."
(Y/n) had only worked three shifts with the team so far but she was slowly finding her feet and falling into place with them. She had some medical knowledge and background which meant that while she gelled with Hen and Chimney, she also had a link to Eddie. He wasn't a paramedic like them but he was an army medic and (Y/n) and Eddie were on standby for any medical emergencies that got out of hand.
Hen seemed fine with (Y/n), she had heard about her from Athena, naturally, which was a good thing. But Chimney was gluing himself to (Y/n) so he could ask things about Bobby and try to stay on Bobby's good side. It was endearing but it was also a little unsettling.
Whereas Eddie wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to make her welcome, (Y/n) could sense that. But he didn't want to overstep the mark or do anything that would unsettle the foundations because she was Bobby's daughter that that automatically meant to tread lightly.
Evan was a whole other situation.
It felt rather easy to work alongside Evan and fit in. He automatically took to showing her the ropes and their way of doing things and his joking manner made things simple. They could have a laugh and try to play things cool so no one guessed there was something going on with them behind closed doors.
"You'll fit in just fine, especially after one of their parties." Athena rose her brows and grinned before she finished the rest of her coffee. A party would be just the thing to get (Y/n) officially intergrated into their team and have her become one of them.
If it was anything like the Christmas party, (Y/n) would be in for a treat.
She and Evan might have to abstain from the alcohol though. She could barely remember that night and she knew Evan didn't remember it either. Drunken nights of passion were all well and good, but not when both their minds were ticking time bombs.
When her phone buzzed in her pocket, (Y/n) put down her cup and dug around in her back pocket.
'Hey, kind of had a rough shift. Fancy a drink? Don't wanna be alone tonight. XX'
(Y/n) rolled her lips together as she felt her shoulders slump down. Her weight fell onto her elbows on the table and she sank her teeth into her lower lip.
That didn't sound good.
Evan didn't seem the type who would admit when he had a bad day. From what he said in therapy, he kept his problems to himself. Asking for help wasn't easy for anyone and he wasn't ready to do that yet, but this was close. He was admitting something was wrong and he was asking her for some sort of help. Drinking the night away might not be helpful, but (Y/n) could certainly give Evan some company and check that he was alright.
'Sure, on my way. XX'
"Do you mind if I head off?"
"Sure, you got plans?"
(Y/n) slipped her phone back into her pocket and drained the last drop of her coffee. Evan had timed that right. (Y/n) had come over to have tea with Athena and May who had already shot off back home before her night shift at the call centre. Since they had eaten and the coffee was empty, (Y/n) didn't feel bad about leaving. She had spent the majority of the afternoon with Athena, she could spare the evening for Evan.
"A friend wants to meet for a drink."
Again, she wasn't technically lying. She was just keeping some things to herself.
It surprised (Y/n) how quick it was to get from her dad's house over to Evan's apartment. She wondered fi Evan had realised how close he was to work and to Bobby when he moved in here. He probably did. He seemed like the kind of person who wanted to be surrounded by his family and friends, he didn't want to be far away from those he cared about.
Surprise and apprehension flooded through (Y/n)'s stomach all at once when she approached Evan's apartment and found the door unlocked. He had buzzed her in, logically he had unlocked the door too. But he normally waited for her to knock.
She knocked anyway and slowly opened the door, peeking her head round as she shouted a quiet, "Evan, you okay?"
Her eyes flitted to the kitchen and once she saw his broad frame, she shut the front door behind her and picked up the pace to go into the kitchen. She unhooked her bag from her shoulder and slung down on the counter but (Y/n) couldn't drag her eyes away from him.
Evan was leaning back against the counter next to the sink, pressing his lower back and hips rather tightly into the counter edge. He had one leg crossed over the other, one hand propped up behind him on the counter, presumably to stabalise himself. And a half-full beer bottle in his other hand. The way he rose the bottle to his lips and took a swig made his Adam's apple bob up and down and his neck tensed and flexed.
If she wasn't looking so intently, (Y/n) would have missed the way his head tilted to one side before correcting itself and holding straight again.
"Are you okay… what happened at work?"
He drained the bottle. In one swoop, the last half of the bottle was drunk and he let the bottle drop into the sink with a clash. The sound echoed through the kitchen and made (Y/n) shudder and when she pushed up on her toes to look across at the sink, she sucked in a deep breath. He'd had quite a lot to drink. A few beers, a few shots of vodka by the look of the empty bottle that they had cracked open last week and didn't finish.
"Cap sent me home." Evan's lips pulled into a tight grin that was full of sarcasm but it masked the pain well. The only trace of hurt was swirling in his baby blue eyes that burned into (Y/n)'s so much she felt like melting into a puddle on the floor.
"Why?"
"We had a car crash, the engine caught fire while I was getting the kids out… I got them both out, but they didn't make it."
Evan dropped his head down to stare at his bare feet for a while. It didn't matter that he got them out. It didn't make a difference when Evan crawled out of that car with one kid in each arm and heaved himself over to the ambulance just as the car exploded. All that mattered was his efforts weren't good enough.
Nothing he did was ever good enough and those parents would have to live without two of their three children. Evan couldn't help them.
"Did you get hurt?"
His eyes narrowed and a flash of uncertainty pooled in his eyes. His lips pressed together tightly and he braced both hands on the counter as his eyes followed (Y/n)'s approach.
He stayed still and deathly silent as she moved to stand in front of his legs and leaned her stomach into his like they were about to join in a dance. Her fingertips felt like heaven against his skin and her touch made his skin prickle with heat and adrenaline and his blood fizzled in his veins.
"Why? Doesn't matter, I'm still here-"
"It matters to me. It matters that you would of hurt yourself to get them out." (Y/n) didn't have to be there to know what Evan would have done. She knew he would disobey any order Bobby threw at him to get those kids out. And she knew Evan would of let himself get scolded, burned, scratched and torn apart if it meant getting them out.
He acted first and thought about the consequences later and when he had casualties like this, Evan wouldn't care about his own pain anymore. His turmoil would become irrevelant.
(Y/n) danced her fingertips over his exposed arms, taking in the state of his hands that had a few scold marks near the knuckles and fingertips. His gloves must have started to burn and melt. When she dragged his shirt up to expose his stomach, she watched Evan tip his head back and close his eyes. He wasn't going to stop her. He would do the same if things were the other way around.
No marks, bruises or cuts and burns on his stomach or torso. (Y/n) dragged her hands up to his shoulders and pushed up on her toes so she could lean over his shoulder. He had a minor burn on the back of his neck that went across his right shoulder, but it wasn't deep enough to require hospital treatment.
"Satisfied, baby?"
"No. I'm sorry you lost them, I know it's not easy." Her words made some difference because she wasn't just a girlfriend telling Evan everything was okay. She wasn't an outsider saying she knew what he was going through. (Y/n) had lost people in these situations too, she knew exactly what kind of pain would be rattling through Evan's mind and soul.
"Let's have a drink."
"Evan, baby talk to me-"
"And say what? I almost got crushed to get them out and what good did it do? I carried those kids to the ambulance and… and Bobby wouldn't let me tell their parents I failed them. He wouldn't let me explain how shit I am at this job, that I didn't do it in time."
Words tumbled past his lips before he could stop himself and he waved one hand out in the air before his fingers turned to scratch against his scalp and tug at his hair. He could feel his breaths running away without him and the panic started to bubble back up in his chest.
He hated the panic. It sobered him up. Evan drank to dull down those feelings, not to let them override him again.
"Hey,"
He tried to tilt his head back but he couldn't stop (Y/n) from cupping his face within her palms. Her thumbs brushed beneath his eyes and her fingers stroked against his cheeks as she tilted his head down so she could stand on her tiptoes and press their foreheads together.
They were close enough that Evan could taste her lips and feel each breath she took mingling with his own rapid, shallow breathing.
He couldn't stop himself from reaching up to cup her wrists, silently begging her not to let him go. He didn't want to be without some sort of touch and right now, her touch was the only thing grounding him to the Earth. He let his breaths run away without him but he focused his eyes on hers and shed as many tears as he could to get them out his system.
"Do you want to know what good you did today?"
Evan didn't answer, but he didn't object either, and (Y/n) took that as a sign to keep going.
"You gave those parents closure. One, two, ten seconds later, and they would have no bodies to bury. You don't know what that means to a parent, to have their children home when they pass away. My dad stopped you from telling them because he knew how they would thank you, and he knew you wouldn't be able to handle that. But that's okay, baby. It's okay."
(Y/n) closed her eyes and leaned further into Evan until she finally pressed her lips against his wet, ruby red mouth. She swallowed every little hitched breath and cry he let out, she let him dig his nails into her wrists and sink his teeth down into her lip. And she let his foot reach out and curl around the back of her ankle to drag her closer until every inch of her was pressing down on him.
Evan wanted to feel her weight pushing down on him. He wanted to be pinned between her and the counter to know that he was alive and feel safe with someone who cared.
"But I c-could of saved them-"
"Baby, you don't know that. If they were alive when you got them out, they might still have died on the way to hospital or when they arrived… like my mum." (Y/n) pressed another delicate kiss on Evan's lips while she continued to brush away his tears.
He didn't know what it meant to have loved ones back. (Y/n)'s younger brother died in their house fire years ago but her and Bobby were grateful to the firefighters that managed to get him out. And they were more than grateful that they got her mother out too. She died in the hospital but they still got her out and no one could have done anything more.
No one was blaming Evan; he had no reason to punish himself.
"You gave them back their children, and that's enough. You are enough."
Evan didn't know how important it was for family to have their loved ones back after they died. A lot of people didn't get that. Their families could die in a fire or drown in the sea or be lost and never come home or be found. Parents went to their graves not knowing where their children were and not having graves to visit or ashes to give them comfort.
By getting those kids out, Evan gave those parents that sense of closure. He handed them back their children.
He had done his job the best he could and there was nothing more that Evan could do. He had to come to terms with that and take solace in the small things. Evan needed to accept a little comfort and know he had done enough today.
Punishing himself wasn't going to help anyone when no one was blaming him for what happened today and no one ever would.
'I don't feel like enough.'
Those words were on the tip of his tongue but he couldn't bring himself to say them. Not to someone who would completely understand where he was coming from. Not to (Y/n). He didn't want her to talk him off that ledge, not quite yet.
"Deep breaths… let me make you some coffee." (Y/n) knew the silent message behind her words would reach Evan. She would try and sober him up a little, he didn't need a hangover to haunt him in the morning and he had drunk enough for tonight. Coffee would settle his system and that was what he needed.
(Y/n) kept one hand cupping his face and brushed her thumb across the corner of his mouth. She pressed her chest into his and leaned around him to flick the kettle on, but Evan shook his head.
He let go of her hands so he could wrap one arm around her waist and cup her hip. His nails scrunched up in her shirt and dug through into her skin and he reached his free hand out to grab the neck of the whiskey bottle tucked far back on the counter behind him.
"I think you've had enough, sweetheart."
(Y/n) could feel his resolve start to fade when she held his chin between her thumb and finger and tilted his head away from the bottle to face her. She tugged him down to her level and kissed him while her other hand reached out for his. She pushed the bottle back down onto the counter.
He had drunk enough while he'd been alone, but he wasn't alone now. She was here now and she was going to take care of him.
"I haven't, I can still feel the panic, in here." He let go of the bottle to rub his fist over his chest. The bundle of nerves were still igniting away in his chest and he wanted it to stop. Drinking stopped his panic, it dulled his overactive mind and calmed him down and made it easier to fall asleep. "Have a drink with me."
When his lips pressed against her temple, (Y/n) sighed and hovered her lips against his neck. But her fingers stayed tight around his wrist and she stopped him from reaching back out for the bottle.
She wasn't doing this.
(Y/n) wanted to help Evan, but drinking with him wasn't going to help. She wanted things to be good between them.
If they started to reply on each other to drink together and lose their minds, they would end up harming each other and destructing themselves. (Y/n) wanted to be a support system for Evan and in order to do that, she had to do what was best for him and drowning their sorrows wasn't going to work. (Y/n) knew a lot about relying on alcohol after seeing her dad go through that and she wouldn't let that happen with Evan too.
"Evan, if I drink the night away with you, it's gonna change us. We'll start destructing together, we'll egg each other on and push ourselves past the edge. And I don't wanna lose you like that. Let me look after you-"
A gasp tumbled past (Y/n)'s lips when Evan cut her off.
His hands cupped the back of her thighs and he swiftly hoisted her up off her feet and walked her forward to the kitchen island. He sat her down on the edge of the counter and moved to stand between her legs with his hands digging tightly into her flesh, moving her legs so she hooked them around his torso.
He kept one hand cupping her thigh but his other hand wandered right beneath her shirt, letting his cold fingers travel across her warm skin until she was squirming in front of him.
"Promise me."
"What?" (Y/n) cupped his face in her hands again and leaned her head forward against his.
"Promise you won't let me go. Stay with me, hold me, just don't let me go."
Each word rambled faster and faster past his lips until (Y/n) could barely focus on what he was saying. There was a sense of urgency behind his words and she found herself nodding along, whispering a promise against his lips that devoured her like she was his last meal on Earth.
His hand slipped down from her back to her bum and he pulled her off the counter, forcing her to sit on his hips while he started to walk away from the kitchen with his lips still attached to hers. He drank her in, inhaling and gasping against her mouth and groaning into her lips when her fingers tangled into his hair.
"How drunk are you, Evan? Is this you destructing?"
Her voice sounded like a lullaby dream in Evan's ears and he found himself smiling despite the tears that were still pooling in the corners of his eyes. He pressed his nose against hers and swiped his tongue out across her lip while he stopped at the foot of the stairs.
"Not drunk enough, baby." Her fingers tickled the back of his neck and he swooped down to attach his lips to her neck instead. "And no, it's not. You're my saving grace."
He wasn't trying to get her into his bed so he could use sex as a way of combusting. He was trying to drown himself in (Y/n) because she was the only thing standing between Evan the the void he was staring into. He would lose himself in her eyes, drown in her body and breathe her in until she made everything stop and put the world back to rights.
***
"Self-harming can come in a lot of different forms, it doesn't have to be physical injuries. It's anything we do that purposely hurts or brings us down in any way. Starving ourselves, forcing ourselves into dangerous situations to prove a point or to feel that risk of being hurt. Abusing substances for various reasons."
(Y/n) found her eyes zoning in on the wooden floor, focusing on the little chips and dents that made something pristine look broken and unkept. She could relate to what Harold was saying.
At one point or another, (Y/n) had done a lot of bad coping mechanisms to punish herself or as a way of coping with the world. They didn't always seem bad, but they felt necessary. Running head first into a bad situation despite being told not to because she felt like she deserved to be in danger and because getting hurt would punish her for the things she had done wrong.
"And in your jobs, where your main priority is to help people, if you can't do that… you can end up hurting yourself to cope or as a punishment." Harold rubbed his hands over his knees as he sat up a bit straighter. "Would anyone like to share?"
"I- I think it feels necessary, for me, rather than as a punishment."
"Okay, can you elaborate on that (Y/n)?"
Sitting opposite Evan in the same seats as last week suddenly felt like they were sitting on opposite ends of the ocean. He looked so far away when she lifted her gaze to stare across at him.
He had his arms folded over his chest, his knees bent out to the sides making his thighs look large and inviting and he was slouched down so he didn't look as tall. She knew Evan felt like he was the odd one out, both because he was new to the group and because he looked different. He was young, like her, but he carried himself like he could face the world, until he walked through those doors.
When Evan walked in here, his resolve changed and his control faded away.
"It's necessary to skip a meal because I can save more time, I can do more at work, I can get on with that call ten or twenty minutes quicker because I cut out something that isn't necessary."
"You prioritise?"
"Yeah… I'll take that sense of danger too. The higher the danger, the more adrenaline, the faster I move, the more I can think and act. My expectations rise each time until I'm thinking… skip breakfast, skip lunch, run into a fire without gloves on so I can grab things better and if I get hurt, then that's a good thing. It proves what I'm doing is paying off somehow."
(Y/n) had expectations of what she wanted to do when she was at work. She wanted to be efficient and eating meals took time. It was time to prepare food, set out the dinner and wash the plates and then try and work it off so she didn't feel too full or too tired.
Skipping that meal meant she felt more alert, more agile and she had an extra half an hour to prioritise and get ready and stock the truck.
When she was scared her adrenaline made her think better, the scarier the better because she worked better under pressure. And if that pressure got her hurt, that was okay, that was just the burden of proof of what she was doing and how it was paying off.
But (Y/n) knew the more she thought like this, the more her expectations would rise and she would never meet those goals she set herself. She would end up starving herself to the point of needing a doctor, she would forget safety measures and put herself at risk to be more efficient and helpful.
"And you know, when you don't meet those expectations, you push harder. But when you do meet them, it's not enough because you raise the bar." When (Y/n) nodded and stared down at her hands, Harold looked around the room. That was her telltale sign that she was done opening up. "Anyone else have any other harmful tendencies?"
"I don't take precautions at work anymore."
"What kind of precautions Evan?"
"When we had a factory fire a few weeks back, we were told to evacuate, but I knew someone was still inside. It wasn't safe and I knew going in could cost me everything, but I did it anyway… against orders."
"Why?"
"Because it doesn't scare me. Sometimes… I- I go void, you know? I have days or weeks of not being afraid to risk everything. I know I can do it, so I blunder my way through and I do it."
Evan hated it when he felt that way. He hated that blank, null and void feeling where death didn't phase him and the danger felt limitless and pointless. He ran back into that factory and found a way to get that man out. Granted, he needed the team to come back and help him, but Evan found that man when everyone else was willing to let him die than take a risk.
Evan didn't need the danger and adrenaline to fuel him, but he wanted it because without it, he felt like a zombie.
"Do you get that dopamine rush, when you complete what you set out to do? Does it feel like a reward for you?"
"Not always, that's the bad part." He slumped forward in his chair and leaned his forearms down on his thighs as his back clicked into place. When he didn't get that excitement or that relief at the end of the day, Evan felt like going home and never waking up. What good was the job to him if it didn't give him that boost and that reward or knowing and feeling that he had saved someone?
"So then you keep running into that danger, chasing that high and gratification. What happens on a bad day, Evan? When you're stopped from running into that building or when all your efforts don't work?"
"I drink. I go home, I drown, and I don't wanna get up. I lost someone two days ago on the job and I… fuck, I… I've never felt like that before, but if I had a gun, I might of used it."
Tremors rattled through (Y/n)'s stomach and her arms bound around her chest to stop herself from crying. They weren't really meant to mingle and it was a conflict, her and Evan being in the same therapy group like this. She couldn't afford to give them both away and admit that Evan meant much more to her than a stranger in a weekly meeting.
But how could she stop herself from crying when he'd just admitted the job was killing him?
Being a fireman was his saving grace, it was what Evan wanted to do and he couldn't see himself doing anything else. But losing someone had nearly taken every ounce of him. It wasn't fair. Not when Evan did his level best each and every day and he helped so many people, but now he felt broken.
"Can I ask why it hit you so hard?"
"Because I got them out! I- I had then in my arms, and my efforts did nothing. If my best can't save someone, if it's n-not enough, where does that leave me? So I drink, a lot, and I would of carried on if-" His baby blue eyes welled up with tears and for a split second, he let his eyes linger on (Y/n) before he looked down at his hands and tangled them together. "Uh, if I had more alcohol in the house."
A close save.
Evan would have drank the bottle of whiskey in his apartment and the rest of the beer in the fridge if (Y/n) didn't come over when he asked.
He would of woken up the same way he did when Maddie found him if (Y/n) didn't help him. And he would do it again and again because the drink stopped the panic and the panic fuelled his bad thoughts and turned him on himself.
"Okay. You said before that you binge drink, Evan this is only a suggestion, but I think abstaining from alcohol might be useful. You sound like you're on the path to abusing it and that is a hard path to stray from."
Harold tried to word it as carefully as he could, but he was only saying something that Evan had already been thinking about.
Something that (Y/n) had already talked about.
She didn't want to keep drinking with Evan in case they both got on that abusive path of drinking when their problems worsened. They would end up drinking after every bad shift, drowning the night away and using alcohol to make things better. Then where would they be if they needed a drink to get themselves through a shift at work?
(Y/n) wanted to be Evan's support system and if they were going to help each other, they needed to acknowledge some of their problems.
Alcohol was starting to be a problem for Evan.
He nodded before he bowed his head and hung his hands down between his thighs.
Suddenly, the room felt like it was expanding, like the floor was growing and creating a distance between him and (Y/n). And Evan wanted to run across the room and drop his face into her neck and curl his arms around her waist. He wanted to anchor himself to her, tether his body to hers until he wasn't afraid anymore. Until the night faded away and the day seemed bearable.
Right now, Evan didn't want a drink. He just wanted (Y/n).
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