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mixedstyles · 2 years

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As Long as You Are: Part 2

Harry makes contact

LINKS: Part One, Part Three, Social Media Blurb

Author’s Note: Welcome back! I was not expecting such a wonderful response to part one, it truly meant (and still means) a lot to me! So, I just want everyone who reads this lil story to know that I am demisexual, so it takes me a very long time to develop feelings for someone, and it has to be after a close emotional bond has been formed. To move their friendship from platonic → romantic, it might be done through headcanons or small blurbs before more “chapters” are written from their POV. Hopefully that makes sense

P.S There are links throughout the story. They will be bolded and italicized!

Pronouns Used: She/Her (use of y/n)

POV: Third Person. Audrey Nuna is the faceclaim for this story and in my head the music style y/n makes is Gia Margaret’s

Warnings: swearing, brief mention of mental health (depression)

Word Count: 2179

Harry x musician!reader: Harry finally makes contact.

“Should I do it?” Harry was talking to Mitch about whether or not he should direct message y/n about her music and reaction video.

“I mean, I dunno. I feel like I’m not the person to ask,” Mitch was only half listening to Harry’s questions as he was messing around on his guitar and didn’t care enough, like any best friend would do. The question was more rhetorical than anything else and Mitch had a feeling Harry would message the girl no matter what his suggestion was.

“It’s not like I’m trying to ask her out or anything. I’m not interested in that. I just want to poke a little fun at her and then talk about music. That’s not weird, right?” This time Mitch actually paid attention. Looking up from the notebook that was scribbled with rough music hooks and melodies Mitch finally responded.

“Dude, I love you but it would probably be a little weird. Or maybe not, I’m not sure,” Harry deflated and gave a small glare towards his friend. “Hey!” Mitch protested, “I just think that some random college student getting a direct message from an extremely famous musical artist would be a little jarring. Granted it would be cool. But jarring nonetheless.” He held up his hands in a shrugging gesture and went back to his notebook.

Harry considered Mitch’s words and weighed his options. It’s not like there was a huge risk in messaging her and both of their lives would go on if he didn’t. He wasn’t planning on messaging her for anything other than the reasons he gave Mitch. He didn’t even know the girl.

“Fuck it,” he said, “I’m doing it and no one can stop me.” Harry opened Instagram back up and searched for the Instagram username that was written in the description of the video he watched the week before.

He didn’t want to follow her, not yet, maybe not ever. Was it rude to message her without following? He questioned. Why is this so anxiety inducing?

Direct Message: @/areyoulistening

Hey, so compared to the songs you did with Novo Amor I have to say that Matilda doesn’t seem as sad. sent 10:37 am

And so he waited… and waited. Harry ended up forgetting he had even messaged her with how busy he was that day. But of course, just as he was trying to fall asleep his eyes snapped back open. Why does everything come to my mind while I’m trying to sleep? He pulled out his phone and checked his primary Instagram messages. No response. The DM was still on sent. She hadn’t even looked at it. There are hundreds of thousands of messages he hadn’t gotten around to looking at and unfortunately never would. Maybe it was something like that, he got lost in her general messages and she’d never see it.

He went to sleep listening to No Fun and Lucky for You on repeat.

Direct Message: @/harrystyles

Hey, so compared to the songs you did with Novo Amor I have to say that Matilda doesn’t seem as sad. received 4:37 am

Her eyes were trying to adjust to the bright light of her phone as she reread the message. Maybe it wasn’t the brightness of the screen making it difficult to comprehend and it was the fact that she was reading a direct message from Harry Styles.

She read it again. Thumbs hovering over the phone keyboard as she was trying to form some sort of coherent response that wasn’t a keyboard smash. She took a deep breath in, concentrating on calming her shaking hands before responding.

Direct Message: @/harrystyles

Hey, so compared to the songs you did with Novo Amor I have to say that Matilda doesn’t seem as sad.

oh my gosh, hi. i love my fans. i didn’t know i had such famous ones! also you know who Novo Amor is???? sent 12:56 pm

She paused looking at the message that she sent. Why the fuck did I ask him if he knew who Novo Amor was? She turned off her phone, stared at the ceiling, pulled the pillow from under her head, and screamed into it.

“Ahhh! What the fuck?” she yelled, the sound slightly muffled by the fabric covering her entire face. “I love my fans? What the fuck is wrong with me?” She pulled the pillow from her face and simply clutched it as if it would bring her back to reality. It was working up until she came to a very important realization.

Harry-fucking-Styles sent me an Instagram message.

I’m sure you have more than just me as a famous fan. I can’t be the only one. I do know who he is, but I don’t really know much of his stuff. I watched your reaction to Harry’s House and then listened to your most recent album. I found No Fun and Lucky for You through the recommendations. Now back to the important accusation at hand: the lyrics to No Fun??? Excuse me???

She sat there frozen, the lyrics to No Fun were suddenly gone from her brain as if they were never there. No Fun, lyrics, sad. Ohhh.

Thank goodness it was a momentary lapse in memory because she did not want to look up the lyrics to her own song just because Harry Styles muddled her brain.

i do not know what you’re talking about 👀

“Like the shadow of my mother / In the background” “With the shadow of my father / Having no fun” “With the shadow of my brother / I was a mistake“ That shit hurt

i’m so sorry 😭 it’s meant to invoke the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness i initially wrote it during a bad time and ali (novo amor) helped me put the finishing touches on it

It’s beautiful Truly The subtleties of it just pull at your emotions It’s both painful and soothing

oh my gosh, thank you so much 😭🙏🏼 i’ll have to let ali know “melancholic lullabies” someone told us

That’s exactly what it feels like Perfect way of putting it | “i’ll have to let ali know” Please do! Did anyone else work on it?

nope! Just us 😌😌 we released it back in 2019

She felt like her heart was going to burst out of her chest. Does she let her followers know that she got recognized? Does she let her friends know or should it be kept private? What else should I say? She thought. She wanted to keep the conversation going because what is the likelihood that a famous musician - let alone Harry Styles - would message some random person? She also wanted to be casual no matter how not casual she felt.

Thank god for messaging because if it was in person she would have barely kept it together.

hold on. you said you listened to my most recent album??? THE harry styles listened to MY album

I thought it was only fair because you listened to mine Did you just casually make an album in your freetime?

this interaction is ridiculous 😩😩 it feels like it’s not real. i think i’m still dreaming

Not dreaming and this is definitely real

again, ridiculous and to answer your question kind of? since i’m in a music school a lot of students end up creating EPs or full albums of their own so making music isn’t anything special i guess? the album grew from a throwaway piece i wrote years ago that i pulled out of storage for my studio production class i realized it had a lot of potential and decided to run with the sound and feel and i ended up producing 13 songs 😗✌🏼 actually in the process of making another album 🤪 sorry for the spam

That’s so cool All by yourself? And don't apologize, I’m the one who asked!

well if harry styles insists… i guess i won’t feel bad yes 😳 all by myself both of them because i like making things difficult wanna make an appearance on the next album? 👀

She had to shoot her shot, there was no way in hell that he, Harry-fucking-Styles - as she kept saying - would make an appearance on a music students random-ass album that they were working on out of their dingy New York appartment. But she would regret not asking.

Smooth I’ll think about it

oh my gosh i was (mostly) joking! you’re a very busy and famous man, i didn’t expect an answer let alone a “i’ll think about it” gosh, what is this day? it feels fake

Holy shit, holy-fucking-shit. “I’ll think about it” she reread the message over and over. That response was the closest thing she’d ever come to making music with Harry Styles and she was totally okay with that.

Your sound is so soothing, I’m not sure I’d want to mess with that.

Ah, there it is. She realized. He’s letting me down easy.

They continued to message sporadically throughout the day but the time difference made it a little awkward once the hours started to pass. Harry was “somewhere in the UK” (his words) and she joked back that she was “somewhere in New York”. They mostly talked about their mutual love of music and what it was like to create something you were proud of. She asked him if he felt a lot of pressure to please fans and critics alike because his music was on such a massive scale; while he asked her if she felt like she could make music she liked or if she also felt pressure to create music she thought others would like, the professors in her case. She ended up sending him a voice memo in response to that question.

He pressed ‘play’.

“Hi,” she started, “I know this is random but I felt it would be easier to explain via a voice recording because I have a lot to say. I apologize if my voice wavers, I’m actually quite nervous” she continued.

“So, I can’t say much on wanting to please at a massive scale, but um, I definitely think there’s a sense of wanting to please the professors and the outside critics that are invited to give feedback. But I’ve found that in my first year and into my second one I would produce (and I’m using that term loosely) material that I didn’t necessarily like all that much just because I was looking to get a good grade and please those around me. Like now I’ve found that because I’m making things that I love and that I’m proud of, I'm able to defend it to the reviewers and it’s easier for me to verbally explain why I decided to do X instead of Y.” She paused, taking a breath before continuing.

“I guess I couldn’t really like, defend or explain my stuff before because I was just producing what I thought others would like. It also got exhausting and frankly I was burnt out because I just wasn’t happy with what I was making. Like, why make things you don’t like just ‘cause you think others would, I guess, ’vibe’ with it.” A soft chuckle came from the recording, “I’m not sure if that makes sense but uh, yeah, I suppose that’s my response… okay bye.” The voice memo ended with her dragging out the ‘e’ in bye.

Harry paused as the words sank in. He talked to the same handful of people everyday and even though he adored them like none other he always found it so refreshing to be able to talk to new people about music. Especially the insight of someone who was going to university specifically for music production. Harry knew that music was a world in which people could communicate via massive distances and it could traverse the gap of spoken language, but there was just something so personal about sharing the way one created music with someone else.

He wasn’t sure if what y/n shared in the voice memo felt as personal to her as it would have to him had he sent it, but there was just something so intimate, not in the sense of physical or romantic intimacy, but intellectual intimacy. The act of y/n being open and vulnerable and allowing herself to share that insight with someone she didn’t even know. That one minute voice memo was what opened the door to the two of them being able to have deep, meaningful conversations where they got to learn how each other's musical mind worked. And it wasn’t anything romantic, it was two people bonding through shared experiences even though their lives were drastically different. It was the beginning of their collaborative album. Whether it was a figurative or literal album.

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